#but yeah as said I'm really biased regarding kid

[starpros-sunshine]

!!! btw i've been watching conan lately, it's really fun! im on episode 30 or so but i'm really enjoying it so far <3

i have to say though i had No clue the plot was that conan's actually 17 i did not see that coming

!!!!!!!!!!! omg! I will have to tell you though the first episodes are the best ones I think at least there's just something about them that's right. Also the episodes with Kid are the best ones in my opinion they are sooooo fun!!! Kaito and Shinichi have such a fun dynamic it's everything to me. And yeah he's 17!! Shinichi is jusst some very smart 17 year old I want to see him more as a 17 year old those episodes where he gets to be Shinichi for a bit instead of just conan are also so so fun and Oh please tell me what you think about the other Gosho boys I think Heiji already got introduced by ep30? I like Heiji he's a neat guy and Hakuba hasn't been presented yet and I don't really think he has a solid standing in detcon because he's briefly there in like one kaito episode he's more of a Kaito Kid character than a detective conan one. And Ran! I like Ran she doesn't deserve the stuff she has to put up with she doesn't get payd enough for taking care of her father and a random kid that just appeared one day and school and her childhood best friend that suspiciously disappeared the same day the strange kid that knows too many things for a seven year old grade schooler came into their lives and with him appeared a sudden wave of success for her father paired with a strange form of narcolepsy. She deserves a raise.

[bonearenaofmyskull]

Yeah, I saw the reblog and naturally it made me curious, if you wanted Clarice to save Will obviously you also wanted Will to be away from Hannibal otherwise what's the meaning of saving here? You also said her role will be like Abigail who would now pull Will out of his darkness so everything indicated a future where we see hannigram being separated from each other and we don't really have a problem with that at all.

Thank you for the polite question. I'll do my best to explain.

So first of all, don't worry yourself with what I want from the narrative. I absolutely have biases, the same as everyone else, but most people I meet don't think the way I do, and I don't really know to shore up where the discrepancy lies. In short, no, I do not think that saving Will from Hannibal necessarily means that they need to be separated from each other (or that I want that): in my mind, if Will's really saved, then he could withstand Hannibal's worst moral onslaught even if he were in close proximity. If he needs distance, then he's still morally vulnerable, and that's not really saved, is it? And that kind of explains what I mean by "saved."

Therefore, I don't equate "saved" with Will not having a relationship with Hannibal. We don't see these things the same way. As you see it, if Will is "saved," there's no Hannigram, but that's a non-sequitur: it doesn't necessarily follow. It's possible that Will could theoretically be free from Hannigram and not be saved, and, conversely, he could be saved and still have Hannigram. These are separate things, and either prospect simply requires a different type of writing to make it happen.

The show has already established--quite firmly--that Will's rejection of Hannibal is not sufficient to put Hannibal off, and it's already shown a season of them officially "broken up" where they're not really broken up at all. Being separate from Hannibal is not really a recipe for being saved from him. It didn't work when Will had a wife and kid and dogs and a wilderness home and everything he ever wanted in life, and that's because saving, for Will, is something that has to happen on the internal landscape of his mind with how he relates to the world, Hannibal, and most importantly, with himself.

This idea also assumes that Hannibal himself is immutable as a character, that he can't adjust his worldview to accept a version of Will that isn't the sheepdog wanting to savage the sheep. That's a really risky assumption in a show where the main theme is about transformation. When I made my post about Hannibal's baptism, this is the question that I was posing. I don't know where change would take Hannibal, but I very much can't assume that change is off the table in this regard. All of Hannibal's significant changes have been because of Will, and to some extent, Abigail. Clarice would stand positioned to take up Abigail's missing role in at least some ways, so whatever she may do to change Will, she may also do to change Hannibal. Whatever those things may be, she needs that level of power over the narrative if she's able to come into it at all.

So change, whether we call it saving or something else, is something that's on the table for both men.

Now, I'm actually with you in some ways in the sense that it's hard to see the show's dynamic going forward if Will gets to a point where he's saved, as in done, past tense, it's over, no more changing. So it being done implies the end of Will's character arc. And that implies the end of the show--the intended end, not the Cliffening. Will's the main character, and I don't see the show continuing without him, especially with the rights issues and precariously small amount of show that we might get even if they were able to bring it back in any meaningful way.

So from the point of view of "saved" implying an end to the character change, it does imply an end to the show. But that end could mean anything: maybe he dies. Maybe Hannibal dies. Maybe Clarice dies. Maybe they ALL die, muahaha! With that in mind, I don't see Will being saved as necessarily being indicative of Hannibal and Will being split up: as the S3 deleted post-credits scene implied, there's a version of ending the show where they're together in death, forever.

And that doesn't mean that I even think they're going to die, any one of them. I'm just pointing out that Will's "saving" as an ending leaves the show with any version of Hannigram or no Hannigram that it wants to leave. The possibilities are endless.

For all these years that I've written about Hannibal, since literally season 1, what Clannibal shippers have always wanted in some form was for Will to clear out of the story in some way to make room for Clarice and Hannibal to be together, on the show, so that they could see their ship in action. I can relate to this desire, but I don't think it can happen by Clarice "saving" Will from Hannibal. Because if that happens, then it isn't that Hannigram is over...it's that the show is.

[norcalbruja]

Synchronization musings from January 16:

So while I was browsing Tumblr and stumbled on a Loki fan theory about how Odin has canonically rewritten Asgard’s history to make himself look better, and he’s naturally going to be REALLY biased about like… anything regarding Loki’s birth/status as son of the Jotunheim king, someone wondered if Odin actually just kidnapped infant/child-Loki after the war and raised him against his real father’s wishes.

I went “ohhhhhh shit, fostering was a big thing in ancient and medieval Europe--what if Odin was just supposed to FOSTER Loki as a ward to repair the Asgard-Jotunheim relationship, but he got too attached and just didn’t give Loki back? That’s NOT gonna go over well with other gods and nobles.”

And then I sighed and started writing a subplot for my fanfiction “The Lightning Axe.”

Because I also read about the Season 2 finale of the Loki show and as I said on my (new) writing blog, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth that Loki is actively KEPT from redeeming himself.

Like, I binged on Red Dead REDEMPTION at the height of the pandemic, not Red Dead You-Are-A-Tool-For-Everyone-Else's-Character-Development.

I don't mind plot bunnies and fleshing out characters, but I'm not getting paid for a fanfic, brain! I don't need to be doing political stuff and "this is exactly how you do NOT adopt a child and raise them to know nothing of their birth culture or family."

So, in the spirit of "I don't like this part of canon and death isn't always permanent in comic-books anyway," I decided to have an Alternate-Universe Loki from the VERY first "Thor" movie (after his failed suicide-attempt, specifically) drop into the journey to rescue Ramonda. He will work through his many, many issues about being a subordinate species who got adopted by the conquering species, find out non-propaganda about Jotunheim, and earn the right to get back to the world of the living.

Mythical/Regular-Loki was laughing his ass off.

He was just going "LOLLLLLLL GIRL, YOU ARE DOING MARVEL-ME A SOLID RIGHT THERE!!!"

And I was like "well yeah, it's not hard at all to draw parallels to how Odin and Frigga are a white couple who adopted a kid from a colonized culture, raised him to know WORSE than nothing of his birth family or heritage ("I'm the monster that comes in the night", anyone???), actively kept the information from him because they didn't want him to feeeeeeeellll badddddd, and they are somehow surprised that finding out all this as an adult (and in a really shitty way, too) fucks him up BIG TIME."

Meanwhile, around the 18th:

A MOTHERFUCKING CROW-MAGNET just appeared in the kitchen, around the time I started frantically scribbling down my Loki subplot musings. Which of the Norse spirits is about to play a joke on me???

-

-

If some dude with an eye patch decides to go bowling one day, I’m gonna scream.

Alternately if some dude with a glasgow grin decides to go bowling, I’m going to fight someone.

[bonesandthebees]

TAGD Ch15 Analysis- 1/2

Crimeboys. I love them. So much.

Wilbur offering to guard Tommy while he cleans himself is both ironic and adorable. It's so sweet to see how much he already cares about Tommy. At first he doesn't even consider how silly that sounds. He just wants him to feel comfortable and protected

And ooof Wilbur doesn't like his eyes. That may seem like a small thing compared to everything else he's been through but I mean that's just so wrong. I'm so mad at the people that did this to him I want them gone Bee. Dispose of them>:)

It's so cool to see how far he's come. He wants to see how the temple has changed him. Maybe he'll see more behind his appearance eh????

Oh boy Phil. I think I like Phil? Well maybe not. He and Techno still frustrate me but I think I'll need to put their poor decisions aside to appreciate the other aspects of their characters.

So Phil. He really cares about Tommy. I feel kind of bad for him. Tommy is going to their prisoner for comfort rather than him or anyone that would make sense. Phil must be very confused. I felt bad when Tommy snapped at him. It was like he was accusing Phil of something terrible.

It's so funny to see how biased I am. When Phil said he wasn't going to lock the door anymore, I mentally gave him a point on the scoreboard lol I am just so completely on Wilbur's side

I am very curious about Phil's thoughts on the Wilbur. On one hand, he is the Pythia, a political figure who is supposedly close to Schlatt and helps advise the direction of the nation. And on the other, he is a traumatized kid who has spent nearly half of his life isolated from the rest of the world and used as some kind of trophy for Schlatt. And Tommy has taken to him so quickly which is very strange considering Wilbur also tried to kill him a while back.

I'm sure everyone in the temple is confused by him

love this fic bee i'll be back in a minute for part two!!

-🧭

hi compass anon!!!

I mean in total fairness wilbur's offer to guard tommy isn't unfounded considering what happens literally like an hour later. of course jack didn't mean to hurt wilbur. but he did mean to hurt tommy. the bathhouse is pitch black and since people bathe in there, they're usually not carrying any weapons or anything for self defense. but yes it does sound a bit silly since we know wilbur probably couldn't throw a punch without fucking up his hand.

yeah wilbur doesn't like his eyes :( I actually mentioned that at the very start of the fic. right after wilbur wakes up from his vision and goes to the bathroom to splash his face with water, I made sure to mention he flinched when he looked in the mirror. of course it was gonna come back eventually

phil and techno are complicated characters in glass which makes them very fun to write, although i'm sure it frustrates the readers with how to feel about them.

phil loves tommy so much. that's his kid. but he's so busy with all the other stuff going on, and also the consequences of his own actions (deciding to kidnap an oracle with no long-term plan for wtf to do with them being one thing) that he hasn't been able to focus on tommy as much as he used to, and now he's seeing the results of that. he doesn't understand when tommy and wilbur got so close, but it's obvious that there's genuine care there, so he's not going to try and stop it. he's more just confused than anything.

regarding phil's thoughts on wilbur, he still really doesn't know what to think about him. at this point though he's gotten a decent idea of what wilbur's life as the pythia was like, and the answer is not great. techno also told phil what wilbur said about schlatt never listening to him, so phil knows that wilbur claims to have had no political power of his own. he also still doesn't know how old he is, but the more he interacts with him, the more he keeps shifting his age guess down.

but yeah, so phil has a lot of sympathy for wilbur at this point, but he doesn't know how to express it or even how to have a normal conversation with wilbur. but he also recognizes that a lot of his thoughts are just guess work at the moment, and he'll need to hear things from wilbur himself before making any concrete assumptions.

the fact that tommy literally won't tell anyone shit about wilbur certainly doesn't help the confusion

[hamliet]

Hi! What are in your opinion the 5/10 best written characters in RWBY so far? And why? Also, is there a character that you think is underrated?

Okay. So, it is hard for me to rank character arcs that are not finished yet, so I'm biased to give arcs I see as complete or mostly complete higher opinions (or lower!) based on the fact that there will be little if anything new added.

(The underrated character? Oh hell yeah. They’re on here. See #5)

1) Penny Polendina

I feel like I've said a lot of what I feel about Penny already, and @aspoonofsugar has posted excellent analyses of our girl too. Her arc is brilliantly written and so it pains me to see fandom thinking it's badly done. It was cathartic for me, shocking but sensical, and ultimately beautiful and hopeful despite its immense tragedy and unfairness. Kind of all you can ask from a tragic arc.

2) Cinder Fall

I think Cinder will end up as #1, honestly, because her arc is longer and more complex than Penny's, but it's not done yet. Her backstory, though? It was excellently woven into the story and thus far is my favorite use of the fairy tale allusion. I find her development realistic, her psyche fascinating, and am convinced the seeds of redemption will flourish because of how tightly written her arc has been so far. See more here for my thoughts on Cinder's arc.

3) Pyrrha Nikos

Tragedy, tragedy. Pyrrha's arc in volume 3 was what ultimately gripped me onto the RWBY train--I liked the first two seasons and was intrigued, but Pyrrha's tragedy was just so perfectly executed, a huge shift in tone, and a stunningly cathartic finale that made me feel things.

4) James Ironwood

I am sorry, but I strongly disagree with people thinking Ironwood was poorly written. He was not. He was exemplary of RWBY's take on humanity: complex. He was a good man at heart who turned into a genocidal tyrant. Do you really think that the genocidal tyrants in real life are not also motivated in part by goodness, even if tempered by fear? His arc was sobering and his ending fitting. He reminds me of SnK's Eren Jaeger, in that these arcs aren't popular nowadays in fiction, but are perhaps needed more than ever.

5) Mercury Black

Okay, here he is, the character I think is most underrated. The fandom is sleeping on him, I tell you! Almost every. single. scene. Mercury appears in develops him and sheds new light on his character. He's had major save-the-cat moments from his first appearance with Emerald, and his backstory is the most dark and traumatic of anyone we've heard--even more so than Cinder's, like, objectively speaking.

A child whose father abused him and stole his soul so he killed him--while still a kid! The subtext of Mercury's father stealing his soul isn't subtle and it's devastating, and to see that same subtext carried over in Mercury's relationship with Tyrian is agonizing to watch. Mercury's own internalization of his abuse--telling himself that he doesn't need family while very much regarding Cinder as exactly his family (the same way he thought of his father--yet his desire to protect Emerald from the same pain, his contradictory expectation/excusing of abuse and his realization that it isn't right in how he talks to Emerald--he's got the potential to be one of the top 3, honestly.

The heart of what RWBY has to say about abused and unwanted children lies with Mercury Black. He can't break out of the cycle of abuse, and he's an unreliable narrator, but he does truly care about Emerald, which will be his saving grace.

Anyways, obviously the meat of Merc’s arc isn’t here yet. But the set up is so well done that he’s fairly high up. 

6) Weiss Schnee

Weiss is my girl. I love her development and how it's been integrated through all the volumes thus far: her slowly learning to become her own person, to become her own special snowflake (heh) instead of relying on the Schnee name. I also think Weiss's arc isn't finished and there's still a decent substance of it ahead, but so far there's enough for me to put her here.

7) Winter Schnee

Again, as with Weiss, I think Winter will have some development in coming volumes, but I do think the majority of her focus was in volume 8. I love her relationships with Penny and her siblings, her relationship with Jacques, the Ace-Ops, and the way she became the maiden was bittersweet, agonizing, and hopeful at the same time. She would have died there at Ironwood's hands if not for Penny, but it's unfair, because of Penny's then death. But it's perfectly compliments and foils both Penny's and Cinder's arcs, because Winter had been in line to receive the maiden power. But she couldn't receive it because she was supposed to. Instead, it was the choice of her genuine friend that gave her the powers.

8) Yang Xiao Long

I love Yang's confrontation with her mother in volume 5; it's one of my favorite dialogues in the entire show. Her struggle with abandonment fears are realistic and painful, as is her struggle with PTSD. I love that instead of learning to abandon abandoners, Yang instead is challenged through falling for Blake (whose flaw is to run and abandon). This both compliments and challenges Yang's own flaw (rushing in and hurting herself).

9) Emerald Sustrai

Emerald is also ranked lower because I feel like the crux of her arc is looming but we are just not quuuuuite there yet. I still think Maiden!Emerald is a genuine possibility, and a confrontation with Cinder lies ahead. But the heart of her arc isn't any power or even redemption: it's about her desire for family. RWBY deals in complexity, remember. Cinder might not have truly cared for Em the way Em did for her, but Mercury does. Emerald should be instrumental to saving Mercury.

10) Oscar Pine

Again I think the crux of his arc lies ahead, but he's incredibly compelling to me, and his struggle to not want to be Ozpin's latest bodily host and to remain himself is at the heart of RWBY's themes: what makes us who we are?

11) Ruby Rose

I fully expect Ruby to work her way to the top 5 in the next few seasons, though. I just feel like we haven't gotten to the meat of her arc yet, even though she's one of my favorite characters in the story. So she's like simmering in the background.

12) Jaune Arc

I also think Jaune will work his way up. I think his arc has been excellently conducted so far, going from a coward to a hero. However, I think a major part of his arc will be in the fallout from killing Penny, so I'm excited to see it but it leaves him down the list... for now.

Special shout-outs to Ilia Amitola and Qrow.

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities. 

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

[straighttohellbuddy]

i'd really like to hear about 5, 27, and 32 for the 35 fanfiction writer question game! if it isn't a game/i misinterpreted what you meant, i'm really sorry!

It is an ask game! Also I love you thank you!!

I'm putting this one first because I've wanted to talk about it for a while, and yeah it should probably be a post of it's own but here we go;

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I think there's a real art to being able to write X Reader fics, and I think the more you write, the more nuance you develop in order to weave a story around the reader's characteristics to make it inclusive while also personal. i think there's a conversation to be had about inclusivity in the YouTube x Reader community, and while the heavy prevalence of NB!Reader fics is amazing, we still have to look at what other biases we're inserting into our works. descriptions of, or moments regarding, the reader's skin tone, size, hair, clothing choices, family, etc, should be considered carefully if you're looking to make this as accessible as possible for the wide variety of readers. i appreciate people who specify if they're writing a particular type of reader (chubby!reader, or short-haired!reader, etc) because it sets a precedent for the fic, but if you go in without that caveat and suddenly the reader is being described as tanned or with long wavy hair or something, that breaks the immersion and alienates the readers who don't fit this narrow description. uh, also this is just a small thing, but when writing NB!Readers, don't forget about AMAB nb folks existing and being taken into consideration in your writing.

like i said, there's an art to being able to write around describing the reader, while still making the story feel personal. we just have to think about if what we're writing would make sense if we were not ourselves, if that makes sense???

also just personally i'd like to see more diversity in the people chosen for the representations of the read in IG/SMAU posts.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

I actually don't have one definitive answer for this because I've been writing for a very long time so I have a few favourites for different reasons.

for this blog; once you say it out loud it can't be undone {Corpse Husband} | 17K. non-fatal hanahaki au ft. bes frend ethan gameplays. of course this is my favourite, have you read it? it's good!

Feelings are fair game for nine months out of the year, but God forbid you develop a crush during Hanahaki Season; three months of coughing up petals just because you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? It’s a damn inconvenience. You haven’t had an active Hanahaki Season in the four years since you started YouTube, and you think that since you’re in quarantine, not going outside, not meeting new people, you’ll be fine this year too! Except that you start playing Among Us with a group of people you’ve never met before, friends of friends, including the elusive Corpse Husband, who’s kind, and funny, and may be flirting with you, but you’re not quite sure. The point is, you make friends with him not expecting much beyond a streaming buddy, but then you get talking more often, chatting and joking at all hours in DMs, and he’s calling you sweet nicknames on stream, and you wake up on the first day of your Season coughing up flower petals and cursing yourself for falling for a man who’s first name you don’t even know!

but also because i can and will plug my own shit

Reader Insert (also my Overall favourite rn); heard your name in every love song {Ben Hardy} | 72k. fwb-to-lovers, also the author clearly has an x-men hyperfixation. actor!reader.

When you’re twelve and you have a crush on your babysitter, your parents think it’s puppy love, think it’s cute, and you’ll forget about it soon enough. When you’re fifteen, and your former babysitter’s on TV in one of the UK’s most successful soap operas, and is still decidedly hot, all you can remember is the advice he’d given you, and how he’d let you win when playing videogames. When you’re nineteen and you score a supporting role in an X-Men film, the last thing you’d expected was to be acting opposite your former babysitter, and - as it turns out - romancing his character; he’s still decidedly handsome, and you’re definitely not a little kid anymore. He doesn’t even recognize you, and you know what? You’re glad.

OC Fic; Molotov Heart {Alex Summers} | 70k (ish). follows the sequel x-men trilogy and literally spans 20 years. ALSO CLEARLY THE AUTHOR HAS AN X-MEN HYPERFIXATION

Aoibheal Cassidy didn't hesitate to follow her big brother, Sean, when he's recruited by Charles and Erik, even if she's not technically a mutant (yet). By his side, she grows up as the youngest member of Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, but world won't wait for a girl to grow up, and her life is torn apart by war and disaster; things get worse before they get better. As the years pass, she realises she always ends up on Charles's team with Alex and Hank by her side, even if she's not the little girl they once knew.

and finally, purely canon fic: not from the absence of violence | Breaking Bad. 6.5k. au where jesse gets out of the business like he wants to in season 5, and comes home to find a teenage runaway living in his house.... actually its kind of a little bit of an oc fic but not the way my oc fics usually are.

Sometimes a family is one of the (former) best meth cooks in America, his two best friends who happen to be (former) meth dealers, a teenage runaway, and five million dollars. -- "...and the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it." - Richard Siken

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I feel very very lucky and very blessed to receive such lovely and kind comments on the fics that I write, but I've got two that stand out the most in my mind, and it's the comments @bingusmode and @marvelsmurphy left on the aforementioned once you say it out loud it can't be undone {Corpse Husband},,,, literally i would die for both of them. i reread the comments on that fic every so often because everyone is so damn lovely, but i just grin like an idiot and turn into that picture of kermit hugging his phone whenever i read their comments specifically. i love you guys

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

for my upcoming fic that i posted those memes about a few days ago; 'god's perfect idiot {Wilbur Soot}'

light-hearted streamer joins smp; shocks everyone with capacity for angst

I loved this!! feel free to send in more!!

[softer-ua]

in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤

[getmemymicroscope]

Self-Worth, or a Lack Thereof

According to multiple friends (who I would tend towards trusting about most things), I am a "10/10 person" or just plainly a "good guy." Which, I don't know, I tend to lean more towards the side of "boring" and "3/10, at best" and "dad bod, without being the dad." I don't know, maybe they're right ... but then, maybe they're not.

I'm not the most interesting guy in the world (that distinction, obviously, belongs to that guy in those beer, I think?, commercials). I don't drink, I don't really like to drive, I run from anything that might create an adrenaline rush; I have an intense fear of heights, but even more-so of 'unstable ground' (like, I can do roller coasters fine, but those diamond-shaped holes in the staircases leading up to the ride - those give me nightmares).

I'm not exactly the 'best looking' person, which is whatever. Once, during med school, I was told I look like Mohnish Bahl - which, well, I don't know. Is it a compliment when you're compared to a guy that normally plays either the 'eh, we need a weird/creepy older brother' or straight up 'villain'? (I also, once, got "poor man's Aditya Roy Kapoor.") But then, that's never been my "go-to" for self-worth, because I've never cared much.

I'm generally a good listener, and I can talk someone's ear off once I know them. No, seriously, the first time I met a friend's significant other (at their wedding), she came away convinced I don't talk at all; the next time we all hung out, I pretty much didn't stop talking. Really, I just need to meet someone a couple of times to get to that comfort level - once I'm there, I can open up like there's no tomorrow. I don't like awkward silences, and I love making fun of people and turning to self-deprecating humor, so I can break such silences without much issue. But those first meetings: man, sometimes I'm sure people go away thinking "I wonder if he's mute?". (It's different if I'm meeting friends of friends while with said friends; if they've comfortable, no reason for me not to be, right?)

But like - since med school began, my 'hobbies' have dwindled from some - sports, reading, movies - to essentially none and now back up to few - sports, kinda; movies; kinda; reading, kinda. But, in general, as someone who grew up essentially a loner, most of my hobbies are either "things I do on my own" (reading, the few times I get around to that now; writing) or "things I am so intense about that I have no friends who care that much" (sports; Bollywood). Not exactly material to just talk about with anyone, especially not when my interest in Bollywood really comes down to "bad" movies and my interest in sports doesn't actually involve me watching most sporting events (because, well, I don't). Yeah, I'm weird.

Some of this lack of self-worth, this "I'm 3/10, on a good day" nonsense I think started while growing up. Because, where I grew up, it didn't so much matter if I was "interesting" or "good guy," it didn't matter too much if I was "good looking" (thank heavens, because I don't most people would say I am), all that mattered was that I was of similar religious views (I wasn't). Okay, maybe not "all" that mattered, but it was the most important thing. Not just in a "dating" mindset, mind you, but even with regards to like 'long-term' friendships. Which could be part of the reason why I have essentially no friends from my pre-med school days. The other part, of course, is that I'm weird as hell - growing up, after school ended and people went to go hang out, I would go home and turn on the computer and read about sports or listen to sports radio (I never had cable growing up, and ESPN was horribly biased so I never cared to watch it anyways). Or read. God I read a lot as a kid/teen.

I remember when the last HP book came out - by which point I was well-sick of the series and was just reading it to finish it and know how it ended (though, even going in, I already knew she wasn't going to actually kill HP and she'd find some way around the "if me, then you" death proclamation) - we got the book from the library and I laid down on my futon (yes, I had a futon in my room back then) and read the whole thing in one sitting (well, technically, I guess it was one laying down). That's what I was like as a kid, ever since growing up in a town where my friends literally would not come over to hang out at my house because of religious differences (I could go to there houses, though; I think, in 5 years, I had two friends who ever came to play at my house) - so books were my escape (at least, until movies became that escape), and sports were my escape, and that hasn't fully changed.

The point is, I grew up being so different and isolated from anyone around me that I well, think I still remain that way. I can talk for hours about sports, but my favorite part is the off-season - I haven't watched a full NBA game in YEARS (like, 2005), MLB is something similar. But I still know more about what's going on than most of my friends, because that's what I do.

I also have a list that I made a few years back of every movie I've ever seen - Hollywood, Bollywood, regional Indian cinema, Spanish. Because that's how I function. Again, weird.

Which, well - I realize how weird it is, and how weird it makes me. And then, no matter what my friends say... I mean, in this world now, especially amidst a global pandemic, 'online dating' is a big thing. And, for better or worse, no matter what people say, looks do matter (very few people swipe left, or right, or whatever direction is correct, on every single person and say "let me see their personality) - which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that - people have to make a distinction somehow, cuz you can't talk to everyone. But like, that's a strike against me. And then, if I make it past that, then I have to start a conversation and talk and, like, I've never met you. I don't know you, I just know that I'm weird as hell and also that self-deprecating humor, an in-depth rant about 'movie-length' flashback sequences or about the inadequacies of the Pittsburgh Pirates' front office (where to start?), or straight up awkward silence maybe not be the best ways to start. Unfortunately, that's all I really know.

I've spoken to a few people recently who have pretty much immediately gone to "let's talk on the phone," which goes about as well as you'd expect - a few words, a few words in response, and then massive awkward silence. Rinse and repeat for 30 minutes, and I'll never hear from them again. And rightfully so. They deserve someone who can converse with them. Or, at least, someone who doesn't have negative self-worth.

The whole point of this insanely long, very nonsensical post is that I have significant self-worth issues. I can blame my bringing up, or the religious influence of where I grew up (and was not part of that religious upbringing), or my inexplicable love for sports aside from the associated sporting events, or medical school beating my own happiness out of me, or anything else, but the fact remains, it's probably not that so much as it is just me. Also, I have severe self-restraint issues, which is kinda where this started from: as I sit here, post-pizza for the 2nd straight day, mid-2nd soda for the day, post-bag of M&Ms and slice of carrot cake. My lack of self-restraint, my inability to "keep at it" or even just "follow thru" with anything for even 1 day, frustrates me to no end. I keep wanting to be better - I just can't make it happen. No matter how hard I try, or what I tell myself, or what sort of 'reward' I promise myself for following thru, I just can't make myself do it.

Which is more important to me: loving myself, or believing in myself? Honestly, I have no idea, but clearly I'm struggling with both right now.

(I blame all this on Heropanti 2 - that movie really fucked with me. I went on a 20-ish tweet 'thread' about how stupid it was this morning, and now I've got this long-ass post about how useless I am. All because Heropanti 2 has made me reconsider my entire existence, and not in a good way.)

...

My WiP is now at 200 pages, y'all!

[bugie78]

Hey! Just a quick response (knowing me, it will probably get a bit longer anyway, but well...) to your post regarding self-diagnosis because there's something I wanted to add – another reason why I absolutely agree with you. I'm not in university yet, but I've spent the last four years absorbing everything I could find about psychology in general. One of the first things I learned regarding mental illness: You cannot accurately observe yourself. You're biased. (1)

Anonymous said Just like the people you are dear to. And of course, even the best therapist/psychiatrist isn't immune to prejudice. However, they are trained to deal with that and they'll still have an easier time "objectively" (as far as that's possible) looking at possible symptoms than anyone with a personal relationship to you (including yourself). (2)

Anonymous said:That doesn't mean you or the people around you can't suspect you suffer from condition x. Otherwise, how would you know you need to go see a doctor? But that's what it should remain until you can get a pro-diagnosis: a suspicion. And you should treat it as such. (3)

Anonymous said:Regarding the community and resources thing: If you don't have the opportunity to get a pro-diagnosis, that's totally alright. What stops you from beginning your research/looking for resources & people with similar experiences on suspicion alone? For example: I highly suspect I have or at least had a mild form of depression. (And there've been times when I've been so much worse.) It runs in my family and a few of my relatives've got professional diagnoses. Still, I don't tell/never told (4)

Anonymous said: people I suffer from clinical depression because: no official diagnosis. When talking about it to someone, I usually narrow it down to symptoms I experience or to a simple "I think I might've (had) depression". To go further would be to discredit official diagnoses & the severeness of the disorder. And, let's be honest: It hasn't stopped me from recovering. It's been a long, long way, but I've learned to manage what I perceive as symptoms of depression. By learning about it. (5)

Anonymous said: By talking to people with similar experiences. By getting to know myself better, etc. At this point, I don't feel the need to get an official diagnosis anymore. Whatever I have/had, I can live with it just fine now. So, self-diagnosis (as in: being "sure" without checking with a professional) really isn't a requirement for getting into a community or whatever. (6)

Anonymous said: God, I need to go now, haha. This has already turned out way longer than anticipated... and I could still say so, so much about this. One last thing, though: There's another reason why a trained professional's perspective is important when it comes to diagnoses. Not just because of the bias-thing. As a layman, it's easy to get the wrong idea about a condition, to not understand something correctly or see things where there are none. Say, you strongly believe you have x – then it's possible (7)

Anonymous said you overinterpret stuff to suit your image of yourself. Or even develop symptoms you didn't show before. Of course, that's not always the case. There's definitely people out there who've self-diagnosed correctly. But it's not as rare as one would want it to be. What it burns down to: Professionals make mistakes as well, but FEWER and they usually have a deeper understanding of an illness. That's their job. But well, that's the main things I wanted to point out (in addition to your rambling.) (8)

......

I AM SO GLAD YOU AGREE WITH ME ANON CAUSE HONESTLY I WAS A BIT SCARED WHEN I GOT THIS MANY ASKS FROM YOU BUT SO GLAD IT WAS AGREEING AND NOT DISAGREEING. wHAT A RELIEF. 

I know right! You make some excellent points! People who self diagnose and then refuse to go see a doctor and just put a label on themselves are the ones that bug me the most. I know a lot aren’t like this. BUT there are people who I have seen who are like this. Some people say “well some of us don’t have the time, energey or desire to go see a doctor” And I am like  no if you really suspect you might have something you will make time, and have the desire to go see a doctor. 

I remember my doctor told me once that a kid came in, and his mom demanded that he give the child meds because he has ADHD... but my doctor knew better and knew that the kid certantly didn’t have it. So he refused which somehow pissed off the mom... like wouldn’t you be happy your child doesn’t need to rely on meds to keep focus... 

And I saw ppl put in their blog “im self diagnosed autism” and it just doesn’t work that way. Self diagnose Autism isn’t a thing... being just diagnosed with Autism is.. if your self diagnosed and then go and tell ppl that you have it, it’s just like putting a label on yourself... which being autistic or having asperger’s is wayyy more then just having a special interest and not being able to make friends. Hell, I have many friends and I have Asperger’s. And they all know I have it. Even my boyfriend knows and he accepts it. I have a hard time knowning how to socialize with others but I really do try my hardest.. probally why I am better at this is cause I gotten group therapy to help me on this. And if I just self diagnosed myself, then I wouldn’t be able to get group therapy...but since I had a legit diagnoses done I was able to get group therapy which helped me a lot. 

So yeah sorry ranting again but thank you so much for agreeing with me! 

[qforqazaq]

Black Dial: The Drama

You've probably heard the latest news from the Q-pop world: L and Teddy are no longer in Black Dial.

Hmm, where shall I start?

***Disclaimer: For the convenience of the foreign fans who aren't sure what has actually happened, I tried to recreate the sequence of events to get some exposition first. I've missed some details here and there, because this was already getting too long.***

It all began when the producers of YB Entertainment posted the announcement saying that the official Instagram accounts of L, Teddy, Ray and Black Dial were hacked, so from now on everything that's going to be posted on those pages has nothing to do with YB. "Okay, the pages got hacked, whatever, it happens, no big deal", I thought. BUT! After awhile I've noticed (first ever) IG stories posted on L's and Teddy's accounts with the actual L and Teddy recording each other while giddily saying something like "Did you know that we were hacked?" - "Lol, no, did we?" - "Yeah, they say we were hacked. I am hacked, you are hacked, comeback is hacked too, hahaha".

Obviously, everyone got even more confused, like, why the hell would the producers call the accounts hacked if they were obviously not. I mean those were real L and Teddy, right?

Meanwhile, I started to read some comments about L and Teddy and something about leaving the group, which got me a huge "Wait WHAT. WTF??? Are you bloody kidding me??" moment.

I obviously couldn't believe my eyes, because, what the hell, first Newton, now Black Dial, are you for real?? When I was about to start doubting these rumours while frantically looking for more info, there came interviews from the official press conference by YB Entertainment.

There, Yesbolat Bedelkhan with Bayan and Bota Yerimbet have formally announced that Yeskeldi Quandyq, formerly known as L, and Samat Kazmaganbet, formerly known as Teddy, were no longer the members of Black Dial, that the company had terminated their contracts, the main reason being consistent violation of the contractual terms by the former members. Moreover, according to the producers, the stage names "L" and "Teddy" and all the social media accounts belong to YB Entertainment and they cannot be used by the members should the contract be terminated.

To say I was shocked is to say nothing. Because, apparently, L and Teddy have not just left the group - they were kicked out. Not only that, they basically kicked themselves out by consistently showing insubordination, disobedience, and violation of terms in many occasions. Without feeling much remorse about it too, it seems, as they didn't look very sad on those Instagram stories - that's for sure.

To make the matter worse, they had no rights to use those Instagram accounts anymore, which explained the earlier announcement about "hacking".

Frankly, that was a lot to take in, and while I was desperately trying to make sense out of whatever was happening out there, all hell let loose. Interestingly - on the producers. Because a horde or rather a flock of angry fangirls or "Ravens" started to shout accusations at the producers, blaming them in all deadly sins. According to them, it was all producers' fault, because they intentionally kicked their "biases" out; how did they dare to be so unfairly strict with them; they were shitty producers in the first place; they should have made their comeback sooner instead of postponing it; the whole "hacking" incident was made to sabotage the members' reputations, and their beloved L and Teddy did the right thing leaving this horrible company.

As for me, these accusations sounded too heated and not very convincing especially when I took a step back and started to actually think about it.

Well, let's break it down, shall we?

First of all, the question of fairness seems super childish, because we're talking about actual legal binding contracts, not some sandbox tantrums that can be resolved by shoving lollipops in kids' mouths. If one signed a contract, it is assumed that both of the parties were aware of and agreed to all of the terms in the first place. In other words, if you in a sober mind signed a legal document, complaining about stuff that you can't eventually commit to afterwards won't work. Why the hell one would even sign a contract in the first place then?

Secondly, do you really think the contract was that strict? Okay, stricter than, idk, a contract signed by the guys from 91? I do very much doubt it. I'm more than sure Yerbolat isn't that chill and understanding compared to his younger brother.

Thirdly, Black Dial is the only active project of YB Entertainment (Darrem doesn't really count) aka literally the company's only flagship product that was supposed to get its long-awaited comeback. Think about it: who the hell in their right minds, in such a crucial moment, would kick out members from the only existing group without a legitimate reason? No one. And there was one reason, a few actually, wasn't there? Moreover, according to Yesbolat Bedelkhan, they've tried very hard to keep the group intact, to smooth out those cases of disobedience and insubordination, closing their eyes to most of them. But I guess, the situation got completely out of control, so terminating the contracts was the last resort.

Fourthly, haven't you thought that the comeback was being postponed over the course of, what, 9 months? exactly because of the internal problems and conflicts inside BD and YB? What if the producers weren't sure if they could proceed should have the said members continued to "misbehave". Which they apparently did, so better cut ties earlier than later, with only one MV, and one more released song.

Next, the "hacking" incident. According to Yesbolat Bedelkhan, sometime around February 14, when BD was supposed to record a video to mark the date, L and Teddy have completely disappeared from radar, not answering anyone's calls and/or messages. The producers even tried to reach their parents at some point, to ask if everything was alright with the boys. Strangely, the parents were not reachable as well, because apparently they have changed their contacts too. Later, the producers discovered that they couldn't access official IG accounts of L, Teddy, Ray and Black Dial, because someone changed their passwords. I suppose it was then they guessed it was L and Teddy's doings, which I assume was the final blow.

Finally, Yesbolat believes that someone from outside have persuaded the boys to sabotage their own places at YB Entertainment. A certain someone with a personal grudge against YB producers. I have my guesses and I won't be surprised if this someone will collaborate with those two at some point in the future too.

Show business sucks, doesn't it.

_________________________________

Don't get me wrong, by making a case for YB Entertainment, I don't want to imply that Yeskeldi and Samat are inherently bad people or anything. Okay, I must admit I had my problems with Teddy and tbh wasn't very sad to know he has left the group (yeah, I'm crude), but I did respect L very much, coming to admire his capacity for songwriting when I took on that challenge at translating their songs (Bul Soni Yemes is a lyrical masterpiece. Period.), regarding him as a very thoughtful young man. Despite personal preferences, I didn't want anyone to leave the group in any circumstances, always hoping and betting on them to settle at least on the second place in Q-pop.

In other words, waking up to a news like this has brought me no pleasure. Further unfolding only left a bitter taste in the mouth and the feeling that you were viciously played.

However, I do still think that it was, pardon my French, totally a dick move to leave everyone and everything just like that, without a decent explanation, a formal apology to the fans at the very least. Leaving by making a public drama out of it, while openly gloating in the social media, abandoning the company, the producers and the other members who counted on them so much.

Was it fair? I think not.

I do wish them luck in whatever they're planning to do though, just to see if it was actually worth the drama, huh.

And I do certainly wish the best of luck to YB Entertainment, to the producers and the remaining vocalists in remedying the whole situation, so to speak.

And what now? Yes, YB is having their casting in search for their new rappers and everything, but what does it tell about the whole "Q-pop movement"?

It's impaled, sick and haven't even grown out legs to stand upright and move properly. People are leaving the groups whenever they want, groups changing the label companies however they want, the entertainment centres are opening and closing at flick of the fingers, and we only have about eh.. 3.5 groups who are actually doing something now? With Black Dial on the resting bed, those would be Ninety One, Mad Men, Moonlight and sort of Newton~. Considering that I'm already very cautious with the latter, skeptical with the second, and Moonlight just doesn't excite me very much, we're coming to the default settings of just clinging to the founders for now while just observing everyone else from the distance.

Nice.

What do you think though? What was the reason for BD having so many problems with its former rappers?

Is Q-pop actually going to crumble to pieces even before it becomes anything substantial?

Feel free to comment and share, and please do leave a like at least. I've been writing this for ages after all.

[burningupp]

thank you for tagging me!! I like that most of these responses are true for me as well lol

TAGGING: @sopebubbles and anyone else who feels like doing it :)

FAVORITE COLOR(S): oh shit uhm I really like wine red and like a pretty deep blue?? idek I never really think about it lol

CURRENTLY READING: sad to say that I'm not currently reading anything. uni has been kicking my ass, so I'm focusing on studying and writing 🥴

LAST SONG: uhhhh on Spotify it's rhythm ta by ikon, and on YouTube it's actually the same as sunny, skz's cover of 'I'll be your man'

LAST SERIES: hometown cha cha cha on Netflix and kingdom: legendary war on viki 😅

LAST MOVIE: I watched Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix like yesterday, because I finished my final (pretty sure I failed oof) and I was sad :)

FAVORITE MUSICAL ARTIST: look this is wayyyy too difficult for me as a total music nerd. like seriously. I obviously adore bts, stray kids, and ateez, but aside from kpop I listen a lot to what I guess is dad music or nostalgic songs from like 2016 lol. might be because I like singing a lot, and while I am studying Korean in my free time (heh) I am not at the level where I can just sing a song like that 🤧

SWEET, SAVOURY OR SPICY: dude I like both sweet and savoury! it kinda depends on what it is tho, like I adore chocolate with all my heart, but I can't wat a lot of candy at once or I fucking die. huge fan of pasta tho, holy shit.

CRAVING: chocolate because I'm on my period and my uterus won't let me breathe 🙃

CURRENTLY WORKING ON: obviously my smau commitment-phobic, but I've been working on this jin one-shot as well. it's currently at around 5k words, and I'm not even halfway done, soooooo.... yeah. oh and I do have like a list of ideas regarding smau's, so I'm also outlining a few just so I know what to do next I guess :)

TOP THREE BIASES: look I'm the kind of person that won't pick a bias because it's fucking impossible, okay? however, my lockscreen is currently han jisung from skz and I have no regrets. felix's deep voice makes me die inside for no reason at all, but his duality also.fucks me up, so he's also probably up there. then there is kim seokjin and his god damn horrible sense of humour that somehow makes me crack up too, pls leave me alone sir

TOP THREE BIAS WRECKERS: just all of them? literally? like I can't even- also as sunny said tho, christopher chan bang just fucking gets me and I love him so much Jesus christ. also worth mentioning I have seungmin's bubble and he's the sweetest human being, you can't change my mind.

MOST USED PHRASE: probably 'fr', 'lmao', and 'sick' oops

again, thanks for tagging me sunny, love youuuu ❤

get to know me tag game!

TAGGED BY: @felixtok (yes i saw this days ago, thought i would do it later and promptly forgot)

TAGGING: @burningupp and anyone else who wants to do it!

FAVOURITE COLOUR(S): atm it's golden yellow, forest green, and a kind of warm beige (like if you put a bunch of cream and sugar in coffee which is coincidentally how i drink my coffee)

CURRENTLY READING: mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia, super fake love song by david yoon, and how we fall apart by katie zhao (can you tell i start many things without finishing them)

LAST SONG: on spotify it's the feels by twice but on youtube it's skz's cover of btob's pray (i'll be your man)

LAST SERIES: on netflix i'm on the last episode of hotel del luna and just started s2 of locke & key, on disney+ i'm on s1 of the owl house, and on prime video i'm rewatching bones (i'm on s1) and supernatural (i'm on s12)

LAST MOVIE: i still see you (2018) on netflix. it was okay considering it was a bella thorne movie but it was also so White

FAVOURITE MUSICAL ARTIST: i mean my blog is currently dedicated to bts, skz, txt and enhypen so take ur pick lol. used to be dedicated to 5sos whom i still love but have kinda faded out of my focus. also rlly like harry styles, dodie and halsey

SWEET, SAVOURY OR SPICY: i prefer to make sweet things but i can only have a couple before i get tired of them. any combination of carbs and cheese is pretty much good in my book tho so i'll have to lean towards savoury

CRAVING: i said carbs and cheese and now i want cheesy potatoes smh i did this to myself. also cheesecake

CURRENTLY WORKING ON: my series bump in the night which is 8 skz oneshots focusing on each member set in the victorian era where each of them are mythical creatures but gothic horror style. keep ur eye out for changbin's part in the next week or so

TOP THREE BIASES: kim taehyung, min yoongi, lee felix, hwang hyunjin (i couldn't pick 3 sry don't make me choose)

TOP THREE BIAS WRECKERS: the devil works hard but bang christopher chan works harder. also kim seungmin and kang taehyun.

MOST USED PHRASE: idk about phrases but i say "bruh" and "bitch" a lot, even to inanimate objects or situations that annoy me. other frequently used words include "truly" "valid" "oop" and "lmao." if u have a convo w/ me that's probably like 80% of my responses

[jheselbraum]

I read that post about Ford and Stan and I think you can help me, with this: Even after the Journal 3, I'm still angry at him, listen? I don't hate Ford, just I'm still pissed at him for the many mistakes and how selfish he has been. I need to say, that anger towards Ford comes from many mixed feelings about Ford and Stan wasting so much time of their lives and things never happened (or I wanted). I recognize Stanley and Stanford share their same ammount of guilt, and your arguments are valid.

Well I mean, as long as you think that Stan and Ford are equally responsible for what happened, then that’s all I can really ask? I can’t really make you not be mad at him, even if I disagree with you regarding that selfishness thing.

Like, I can argue the point of “not calling Ford selfish because Stan’s done the same thing and he’s not getting called selfish for it” but if you genuinely think Ford’s selfish, that’s... that’s kind of a subjective thing. 

Like, I don’t think Ford placing a lot of importance on which college he goes to, to the detriment of his other relationships, is inherently selfish, but I’m biased because I place a lot of importance in academia and am frustrated by the way my time in college has gone and putting myself down for the fact that I’m 21 and nowhere close to graduating yet because I can’t focus on classwork due to a myriad of mental health problems and a lack of clear direction in life regarding my major. But you might think it is selfish because you might not place a lot of importance on which college you go to and instead place importance on other things.

Idk though maybe I can list some things I’ve seen people call Ford selfish for, and tell you what I think about it?

The college thing-- already talked about this one

Being tricked by Bill’s flattery-- Ford was tricked because he didn’t think highly of himself and being abused does not make one selfish.

Asking Dipper to be his apprentice-- Ford loves Mabel heart and soul, if she’d asked he would have totally let her stay, so him just asking Dipper wasn’t selfish. That said, I think it’s at least a little selfish to ask someone else’s kids to essentially come be your kids when you’ve never even met their parents. I mean, if they’re bad people, yeah sure yoink their kids (through proper, legal, channels of course). But like, you have to meet them first in order to judge that.

Side note: If Dipper and Mabel’s parents really would have let Dipper (and/or Mabel) stay with Ford that doesn’t necessarily make them bad parents, people send their kids to boarding school all the time.

Wanting his house back-- Well I mean, it’s his house and Stan did turn it into a freakshow. The man’s been stranded in the multiverse for thirty years and can never return to the life he once knew, he could probably use some familiarity in a world that’s moved on without him.

Wanting to kill Bill before going to find Mabel-- He didn’t know where Mabel was, and any danger Mabel was in was because of Bill, therefore, destroying Bill would have destroyed any danger Mabel was in.

Wanting to kill Bill, at all-- ???? It’s not selfish??? To hate the person who abused you???? And want them dead??? Especially if they want your whole world dead???? This one is weird.

Wanting to be the one to save the world/not letting others help save the world-- Ford won’t let others help him because he doesn’t want them in danger, because he can’t separate “being a hero” from “sacrificing your life” but if you’ll notice, he’s more than willing to step aside and let others help if he’s about to die or otherwise incapable of helping. It’s not an “I don’t want you in the spotlight” thing it’s an “I am constantly trying to sacrifice myself for the good of others and I can’t do that if you go in and fix the thing” thing.

So idk, hopefully that helped

[confidenceatitsfinest]

Hi! I'm a Jungkook stan I've always seen him as a top. But now I've been looking more closely and I've noticed that even though many people say he's a top, he really seems like a bottom. My friend told me about this blog and said that you're really good at explaining Jungkook "bottom-ness"? Lol I just want to be more open minded when it comes to Kookie. Do you mind explaining a bit? Like with each member? If it's not too much to ask. Thank you! Lovely account :)

Hello! I’m so sorry I delayed this response so much. I knew I would take awhile to fully discuss this and I didn’t have much time lately, so I put it off. Please forgive me. 

But welcome, fellow Jungkook stan! First time here? Sorry I’m a dork haha. Anyways, thank you for taking the time to come ask me this. It’s great that you’re expanding your horizons haha. The reasons I’m about to give are solely based on opinion and preference. I’m not saying either preference is wrong, just saying my point of view because you wanted to know why some people see him as a bottom (aka me). I’m lowkey laughing at the “good at explaining Jungkook bottom-ness” because my trashiness is really obvious. This is going to be really long, so it’ll be under the read more!

I’ve said this before, but I’m not exactly sure how I became a bottom Jungkook stan. It may have been the fics I first read when I just got into BTS or the videos of fetus Kookie I’ve seen way in the beginning. Many of the top Jungkook fics I’ve seen contain tropes and characterizations that I do not personally like. I see a lot of asshole!Jungkook, badboy!Jungkook, emotionally constipated!Jungkook, etc. You probably know what I mean. Again, I personally really do not like these portrayals. Why? Jungkook is a sweetheart, a natural cutie, a shy bun in real life and I AM WEAK. Ahem, sorry. I don’t know if it’s just me, but it hurts for me to see my bias written as the bad guy, the one that the other character needs protecting from, the inhumanly strong one who doesn’t have feelings. It hurts to see pre-established tags in AO3 regarding his “assholery.” I’m not kidding, if you type “jungkook” into AO3 tags, ‘Jungkook is emotionally constipated’ ‘Jungkook is an asshole’ ‘Jungkook is a douche’ and more are already tags. This portrayal of him as an unfeeling, cold douchbag is SO widespread. And a lot of these negative traits are associated with him being on top. Now, I’m NOT saying all top kook fics are like this. That’s highly unrealistic. If you write top Kook well and balanced, that’s great! But a lot that I do see, do contain those traits I mentioned. Jungkook is actually quite emotional (said it himself) and sensitive. He’s considerate and shows his affection/support more through actions because he’s not good at putting his feelings into words. 

Now, onto why I prefer bottom Jungkook. Part of this has to do with the fics, I admit. If you’ve ever read Graesun’s (bottomkook on tumblr) fics if you’re a Jikook shipper or Xiajin’s (j-ungah on tumblr) fics it you’re a Sugakookie shipper or Rix’s (crossfilth on tumblr) if you’re a taekook shipper, you know how good bottom Jungkook is written. Their relationships are balanced, and mutual, and hell, Jimin, Yoongi, and Taehyung aren’t portrayed as asshole doms okay? They’re not! Jimin is an amazing, caring top. Yoongi is a more subtle sweet, but just as caring top. Taehyung is playful, but considerate. Usually, USUALLY, they’re not written the way Jungkook is written as a top. Even if the fic has dom/sub undertones, the top isn’t some major unfeeling robot that can only hurt. 

Secondly, as a Jungkook stan, I am naturally biased to like seeing Jungkook being taken care of. That normally works out pretty well for me considering his hyungs adore him and take care of him all the time. Bangtan’s baby am I right? This also translates into me loving when he’s treated well in fics. I don’t mean babied necessarily, I just mean treated like he’s worth it, like he’s precious and lovable, like he’s just as deserving of affection as his partner. In real life, he gives and gives to his hyungs and he doesn’t ask for anything back. He’s supportive but also so critical of himself. He’s been more open with showing affection now, so we can see a bit of how much he loves his members. And there’s a reason why they love him back so, so, so much. No matter how much he grows, they’ll always treat him as their beloved youngest. And you can tell that he still needs to be taken care of and guided around. 

For example, you could see a lot of this in Bon Voyage. Jimin feeding him, tucking him in, and a heck of a lot more. Hoseok petting his hair and holding his hand. Yoongi and Hoseok letting him shower first. Jin holding him and playing with him. There’s a LOT of moments when they all just take care of him so well and I feel like he needed that kind of care since he debuted at such a young age. All of them let him get away with things not even other maknaes get away with. They’re really soft on him and god, do those fond smiles shine. 

Fic-sise, I feel like he needs guiding as well. He’s the youngest. As much as he wants to be a sensual on stage (and well, yeah he is, good job bun), he’s most likely quite inexperienced and really not much of a sex god off stage at all. He immediately goes back to his cute, natural bun-ness and this is why so many Jungkook stans get whiplash and/or are in denial. Okay, back to fics lol. I see it as his partner taking the lead because he feels more comfortable that way. He can relinquish the control he tries so hard to maintain and just let go. He lets himself be taken care of and wow, does he love the treatment. HE LOVES BEING TAKEN CARE OF FIGHT ME. Seriously though, as much as he denies it, you can actually see how much he likes being babied and treated nicely. Hell, he likes being called baby more than oppa.

Here are a few links to other instances where I further discuss the top/bottom thing. Strangely a lot of them have to do with jikook….

HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE (lol this one is me being salty), HERE (something I reblogged from a person who really condensed this). I do recommend reading these as they’re more concise versions and I give more reasoning (and pics!). 

As you can see, I’ve gotten a lot of asks about this.

You may be able to tell, but I do prefer bottom Jungkook with all my Kook ships. With Jimin, I love seeing him being a really caring, gentle top with Jungkook (playing into that lovely hyung dynamic). Jimin is an amazing hyung and he really does look out for Jungkook. With Taehyung, they’re the meme duo which means it’s a lot more playful but Tae can also be really serious and mature. And of crows we have Yoongi hyung who Jungkook toes the boundaries with (because he can that little shit) but still gives control too. Jin and Hobi, who he can play with but also rely on as a hyung. Namjoon who is his trusted leader and the one he admires to the heavens and back. 

Anyways, I hope I’ve answered your ask sufficiently. If you still have questions, please feel free to leave me another message. Thank you for visiting my blog!

[thedyingmoon]

Okay, first I have to admit Corson the Demon has gotten me really curious and interested. This enemy is clearly way past both Cara and V's league, and I hope they could find a way to defeat this mindless thing of destruction.

Now to my favorite parts of this chapter.

1. This:

~ May I say? I think Nero has some sort of clue of what's "going on" there with V, as indicated by what he just said regarding the "scenery". I hope I'm right. If not, well, it's just an opinion coming from a Cara X V shipper.😅😅😅

2. Cara

~ I have witnessed OCs shipped with V who always do anything and practically everything for him. However, almost none of them are as realistically close as to how Cara truly is ( if one decides to get to know her / analyze her as a character ). And this is not a biased kind of thing. A brave woman with no magical prowess or the ability to top canon characters off in a battle, Cara could be compared to any woman in real life. Goals and dreams, uncertainties and passion. She, like any woman would, does everything she can in her power to reach her goals ( in her case, making up for what she thinks is her mistake ). She, just like any other female you know, loves doing some things and is really passionate about it ( in Cara's case, cooking / preparing meals for people ). She, most probably like a girl friend you've been chatting with for the past month or year, is really curious about things that interest her and will find ways to get a grasp of it ( in this woman's case, her interest of V, the reason he set up his walls so high nobody could reach him, and what motivates him to fight and do such things ). She, like you, or me, enjoys thrilling rides, be it in a motorcycle or Circus attractions ( in Cara's case, a Shadow segway ), not all of us, but hey. And in the end, what I'm truly trying to say about her is that she, as a woman, is really relatable. And that, I think, is what made her as real as she can be in my eyes. The parts with her showed all that.

And

3. V

~ Of course, the man has his own reasons for hiding behind his walls. The part where it was mentioned that other kids are scared of him because he talked so much about what happened to him in the past says it all. He, the poor thing, is so used to people avoiding him. And then suddenly, there's this warmth, and light, that finally allows him to trust once more. And I personally think it's an achievement, having a very - closed kind of person to open up with you, even in the littlest of ways possible. And, for me, if I managed to do what Cara has done for V, honestly I would start crying. Not because I'm sad. It's this feeling of, ah! Finally! He trusts me now! And I see no greater relationship feat than that. Hell, even confessing to someone is way easier than that! And I'm also happy that V didn't throw Cara's tupperware aside and said, hell, yeah! Let's shag, baby! No! The slow burn is still there, and it's refreshingly realistic compared to what novels or television shows say! Good job!

Waiting eagerly for another action - filled chapter!

🌸🌸🌸

Walls - 10th chapter “Happy Blossom”

Words: 7,9k

Warnings/tags: canon-typical violence

Synopsis: The crew moves forwards, but before they can enter the Qliphoth one more time a proper break is in order. A discovery, however, may just prevent V and Cara from entering the Qliphoth again altogether.

Author’s note: This commission done by @gaaebolg​ takes place in this chapter 🧡

I hope you enjoy it! 🌹

Cara shut the small boxes with sandwiches and stuffed them in her backpack before Nico could pull a crazy stunt with the van again. She was surprised enough as it was that she managed to make sandwiches while Nico was driving through town without cutting off her fingers.

“Alright, there’s no coming through here with the van,” Nico said as she stopped the van on the destroyed train rails in front of one of the tunnels leading the trains through Red Grave and the city’s suburban. 

“We’ll walk from here. There’s only one way up that tree,” Nero said and went to the back of the van where his weapons where. That he now had two swords leaning against the wall seemed to put his actions to a hold as he stared at both of them with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Cara made a face at the mess in the van and the many dirty dishes. If she had the time she would clean all of these immediately, but right now she had to add even more dirty dishes to the mess. She exhaled heavily, but shouldered her backpack and joined Nero.

“Can’t decide?”

Nero smiled whimsically at her and scratched the back of his head. “Kinda? I mean, I know I have to use the Sparda, but eh… feels like I’m leaving a part of me behind.”

“Like an arm?!” 

Cara did not understand Nico’s remark completely, she knew it had to do with Nero’s missing right arm but she didn’t know the whole story. However, with the way Nero’s eyes widened and went through a dozen different emotions within the blink of an eye before he spun half around, tips of his ears rosy colored, and glared at the mechanic, she could only assume it bothered him in some way. Nico just laughed.

“I’m sorry,” she choked on her laughter, “but your face.” She wiped her eyes, her glasses in hand as she continued to laugh. Lady, who sat quietly on the couch in the van chuckled softly. Cara didn’t really want to but the laughter was quite contagious and she pressed her lips together tightly as her chest rumbled in quiet laughter. Nero glared at her too, although it was hard to take him seriously.

“If it eases your mind a bit, Sparda is the only real choice you have, but Red Queen is definitely the prettier one,” Cara told him then. Nero wanted to be irritated at her for laughing but she could see the proud glance in his eyes at the compliment.

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