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vicsnook · 5 months ago

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Good Luck, Babe! | Jake Seresin x Reader

word count: 6,560

warnings: SMUT, MINORS DNI, 18+, Unprotected PinV

notes: Hey friends! I know I've kind of dropped off the face of the Earth since the new year. I've had massive writer's block due to some personal stuff but I think I am finally out of the funk. Please forgive me for any errors, I wrote this on and off the past few months so I hope it doesn't come off terrible. I plan to make this a 2 possible 3 parter so leave some feedback and let me know if you want more. Hope you like it & please don't forget to like and reblog! 🫶🏼

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I agreed to come on a date to the famous Hard Deck but thankfully I’m not disappointed yet. The jukebox is playing old country songs and some couples are dancing on the makeshift dance floor, "this is definitely my kind of place," I think.

I approach the bar and look for my date Mickey, who waves me over from a corner booth. He kisses my cheek and slides his arm around me as we slide into the cozy booth. “So m’lady what can I get you to drink?” he asks, his eyes scanning my face but before I can answer a blonde man slides into the seat across from us.

Mickey’s face turns red immediately as the blonde grabs his beer and takes a swig. “My apologies, am I interrupting anything, Fanboy?” asks the blonde with a southern drawl, flashing me what I could only describe as a million-dollar smile. “Yes, Hangman, so I'd appreciate it if you could make yourself scarce,” growls Mickey, beginning to stand up and holding his hand out for me to follow.

“And leave this lovely lady alone with you? Not a chance,” responds the blonde, now standing in front of Mickey and in our way. “This lovely lady would also like you to make yourself scarce and stop bothering her date,” I said to the blonde, who just like Mickey turned to me with a look of shock.

Before “Hangman” could respond, I grabbed hold of Mickey’s hand and led us out the side door and down the ramp onto the beach. When we came to a halt, Mickey was still looking at me slack-jawed. “That was awesome! No one’s ever put Hangman in his place,” he raves, as I giggle in amusement. “Yeah, well he sure seemed like he needed it. Anywho, I don’t take it, he's a friend?” I ask. He shook his head and then explained all about how Hangman was just his insufferable coworker who thought that because he had the only confirmed air kill of this generation he was above anyone.

“And that’s the story of Hangman, anyway, fancy getting some ice cream mademoiselle?” asked Mickey while extending his arm for me to hold. “Of course,” I reply and chuckle as we make our way to the ice cream parlor by the boardwalk.

The rest of the afternoon went by without a hitch as I learned more about my date whose call sign was “Fanboy” due to his adorable obsession with Star Trek. That night I didn’t waste any time texting him that I had a great time and looked forward to seeing him again.

Maybe my mom was right when she suggested I needed to get back to the dating scene. As I lay there waiting on sleep to come, an image of Hangman flashes through my head and I can't help the feeling in my stomach. Shaking my head, I bury it deep down with memories from my date with Mickey.

I won't let anything ruin my happiness at this moment. That was until I woke up this morning and saw that my blue text had turned green and was unanswered.

Just my absolute luck to get blocked after what I thought was a good first date.

I went on with the rest of the week trying to feel unbothered about being blocked but it still crept into my mind every once in while. And that’s how I ended up parked in front of the Hard Deck on what seems like a very busy night.

I sigh and put the car in reverse, this is pathetic. But before I go any further, a blonde Ken doll look-alike catches my eye and I realize it’s Hangman walking in, which I hope means Mickey is probably inside.

Putting the car back in park, I take one last look in the rearview mirror and reapply my red lipstick. Time to show that WSO what he missed out on.

I’m immediately surrounded by a sea of aviators in their dress whites when I step inside, and a couple of them shoot me hungry looks. I take a deep breath and plunge through the crowd to make my way toward the back where I think catch sight of Mickey and his friends but I soon collide with a very very hard chest before I can reach him.

“So we meet again, lovely lady?” I hear as I tilt my head up and make eye contact with the owner of the hard chest whose hands are holding my waist steadying me. And wouldn't you know it, it’s none other than Hangman who is once again sporting that blinding smile. Up close I can see how green his eyes are and good lord all I can think is how this man is way too damn perfect.

I clear my throat and back away as his hands fall off my waist but I don’t get very far because his hand firmly grasps mine and I’m spun back into his chest once again. “What the hell are you-” I try to ask but my words die when I see the hungry look in his eye. “Not so chatty now, are you?” He smirks at me and I feel my cheeks burn. “What do you want?” I manage to croak, feeling now even more embarrassed to have come here tonight.

“Well for starters, I want to lead you out the door to my truck, then I want take you somewhere nice to dinner, and what I want most is to have those pretty red lips of yours around my cock by the end of the night, darlin’" He whispers in my ear, his breath on my neck making my head spin.

Usually, I would slap any man who spoke to me that way but my brain was currently short-circuiting tonight so I just nodded and followed him out the door into the parking lot to take part in what will probably be a very big mistake tomorrow.

His hand sits on my lower back as he leads me to his truck that is conveniently parked at the very end of the parking lot and before I can convince myself to back out of this we have reached the passenger door. He opens the door for me and helps me into the seat before rounding the truck and getting in too. His scent fills my nostrils, sage and sandalwood.

“I’m not sure I ever properly introduced myself, my name’s Jake Seresin.” He tells me as he pulls into the highway and I pull myself together long enough to mutter mine back. I take him in as he drives and notice the scar above his eyebrow and how rosy his lips look, and I can’t help but think of how good they would feel on mine.

I doubt any of my friends would be supportive of me throwing caution to the wind but something about Jake makes saying no, impossible. A spark goes through me when his hand comes to rest on my thigh just below the hem of my dress, and I sure hope I haven’t soaked the seat.

We pull up to a restaurant downtown that I only ever heard of because of because of it being expensive but before I can protest he is getting out of the truck and coming to open my door. “Jake, this is too much. I -” his fingers come to rest on my lips effectively shushing my protests. “Baby, I’m going to lavish you tonight and I mean that in more ways than one.”

His eyes are locked into mine as I nod. No man has ever managed to render me speechless, much less make me so agreeable but I guess that changes tonight.

The food and wine are exquisite and the conversation flows smoothly between us and I can’t help but want more of this man. My once disdain for him now vanished.

He tells me of growing up in Texas on his family’s ranch and of his rodeo days that ended too quickly when his father passed. He talks of how he joined the Navy to be able to support his family. I notice his eyes darken as he talks of missing home and how lonely his job can be because he acts like an asshole to keep people away, and I feel myself reaching for his hand to comfort him. He smiles gratefully, then casually turns the conversation back to me.

So I tell him of my sister, Meredith, who died a few years back because of a drunk driver which led me to pursue a career in law seeing as the man who killed her is free and she didn’t get justice. He squeezes my hand in comfort and I tell him that I moved to Miramar to get away from my hometown because everything reminds me of Mer and I wanted a fresh start and how I’ve been here a year now and hardly know anyone because I’ve thrown myself into my work instead of dealing with my grief.

I shudder when I’m done when I realize I’ve bared my soul to someone who I hardly know but I don’t overthink for long because Jake’s hand reaches out and caresses my face. He settles the bill and ignores my pleas to let me pay for at least half and once we’re back in the truck I realize that it’s nearly midnight and he asks for directions back to my place which I give without a second thought.

He follows me in and I curse at myself when I see the mess of paperwork on the living room table. “Sorry, I don’t usually have guests over,” I tell him, and he shrugs it off and helps me straighten the papers up. We settle in the small couch and I can feel the heat radiating off his body and the nerves finally kick in. “Um, can I get you something to drink?” I ask, looking over at the TV that is not even on. “No, thank you, Angel. Look, I know what I said at the bar but we don't have to do anything you don't want to do.” He assures me, my eyes finally making contact with his. But I don’t want him to go and I feel an urgent need to feel his skin against mine so I do the only thing I can think of and kiss him.

He kisses me slowly and carefully like I might pull away and dismiss him any second so I move closer to him and then climb onto his lap. He groans as I straddle him and I take the chance to slip my tongue into his mouth, savoring the taste of him. His fingers dip into my waist as I bite his lip and pull back. His eyes are blown with lust and I know then there is no going back.

His mouth kisses along my jaw and down to my neck and I moan loudly as he finds that spot just below my ear that drives me crazy. “Are you sure about this?” He asks, leaving kisses just above the neckline of my dress. “Yes, I need you, Jake, please,” I beg as he slides the straps of my dress down and his mouth trails down kisses, latching onto my perky nippe.

I arch my back and the dress pools at my hips, the cold air on my skin making me shiver for a moment until his warm chest presses against mine and I realize he’s ditched his shirt. I run my hands through his chiseled chest and think to myself that this is the kind of body that Greek statues are made of.

“Where’s your room?” he asks, between kisses and I feel another current surge through me. “At the end of the hall,” I manage to croak and he moves forward so I can wrap my legs around him and then he leads us to my room. The very short hallway feels infinite as he holds me against the wall and his hands run all over my body and I’m now shaking with desire.

“Jake, please,” I beg and I feel him grin against my neck and I blush in the dark as he nibbles on my neck leaving what I know tomorrow will be a very noticeable hickey. He finally takes us into my room and places me on the bed and as he towers over me it sinks in what I’m about to do and a shiver of excitement runs through me.

He pulls down the rest of my dress and I am left in my very small thong, he places his hand over my core and I quiver against it. “Eager aren’t we?” He whispers as he cups the thin fabric of my thong and slowly slides it down, pressing kisses onto my leg as he finally gets it off and stuffs it into his back pocket.

I raise an eyebrow at him in response, but he ignores it as he slides off the bed and pulls me to the edge of the bed where he kneels on the floor. I blush as I feel his warm breath on my thigh as he kisses his way to my core pausing just before reaching it, our eyes lock and I see that he is looking for reassurance. I nod, not trusting my words and within seconds he is eating me out like he is starving and my pussy is a full-course meal.

I moan his name loudly and tug at his hair but he doesn’t slow down and I feel myself getting close when he eases a finger in and he must sense that I’m close to reaching an orgasm because he pulls my thighs even further apart and adds another finger. My moans turn to whimpers as he keeps edging me. I shake against him while he uses his fingers to coax me through my orgasm. “Good girl,” he mumbles as he slowly raises himself and placing a kiss on my lips and I want more.

“Fuck me, Jake,” I whimper as he settles beside me in the bed but I get a response that I was not expecting. “Not yet angel,” he whispers as he caresses my arm that fills with goosebumps as he gets further up and he turns my head to look at him. His green eyes are staring into mine so deeply I think he can read my needy thoughts. I run my hand down his chest and stop at his belt buckle, his eyes following my every move, and I decide to give him what he asked for at the beginning of the night.

Pulling him off the bed with me I take notice of my shaky legs but still, I kneel in front of him and undo his belt. I can feel his eyes on me as I ease his pants down and palm him through his boxers. A groan escapes him as I slide his cock free of the boxers and suck on his swollen tip. “Fuck,” he moans as I take him in my mouth and I feel myself getting wetter as he starts to fuck my face.

But he’s careful yet again so I grab onto his hips and increase the pace, eliciting various groans from him and when I meet his eyes he slowly stills me. “I want to come inside you,” he says, his voice husky with lust. His arms reach to pull me up and I’m back on the bed before I can protest.

“I’m not going to be as slow and careful, honey. I’m going to fuck you so hard that you can’t walk tomorrow, so stop me now if that’s not what you want,” he whispers in my ear and I shiver with excitement. I reply by pulling him down to me and kissing him as hard as I possibly can. Without warning he’s stretching me open, and before I can even catch a breath, he’s thrusting hard into me again.

His fingers are digging into my waist as I scream in pleasure, “Taking me so good, baby,” he groans while leaving more hickeys on my neck. He continues to thrust hard and fast and I’m shaking with pleasure.

My moans get louder as his finger finds my clit and I worry the neighbors will call the cops. But he seems unfazed as he continues to fuck me through it. I whimper loudly, my legs sliding off his sides as I reach my orgasm. “I’m almost there, honey,” he whispers in my ear but I barely acknowledge him, still lost in my high.

He fills me with his sweet release as I come down from my own. His green eyes boring into mine as he slowly pulls out and I feel his cum slipping out of me. “Look at you, baby. I made a mess out of you,” he grins, laying at my side and pulling me to him.

I lay my head on his chest as exhaustion takes over and any thought of getting myself sorted out flies out the window. He kisses my hairline and the last thing I hear is him saying “good girl” as sleep envelops me in his arms.

I wake up to my body aching as memories from last night flood back in and I smile, turning over, only to find the bed empty. Only my dress is in the corner of my bedroom floor, no sign of Jake or my thong. I curse to myself as I get up and feel even more sore if that’s even possible. He sure meant that he would fuck me til I couldn't walk.

The apartment is deadly quiet and I head to the bathroom which I find empty as well. Pulling on my robe, I check the living room which to no one’s surprise is also empty, and as I look out the window, I notice Jake’s truck is gone and then it hits me that my car is still parked at the Hard Deck.

Fuck me.

I check around the rest of the apartment and find no note anywhere. Disappointment creeps in as I decide to finally go shower and get him off my skin. When I catch sight of myself in the bathroom mirror, I see the damage he left on my neck and chest is extensive. Angry reddish marks stare back at me and I doubt all the concealer in the world can help cover what he did.

The next few weeks are a blur as I throw myself into my work and vow to never return to the Hard Deck. Long nights working keep me occupied so much so that I don’t realize my period is late for a week, and that’s when it dawns on me that we didnt use protection and of course, I hadn’t been on the pill.

The pharmacy is crowded as I buy a pregnancy test, and I glare at the cashier who very loudly yells “Good luck!” as I walk out. Traffic is awful too on the way home and I feel myself getting more anxious by the second.

I practically run to the bathroom as soon as I’m home and finally pee on the stupid stick. 5 minutes feel like an eternity when your future rests on the other side. The timer goes off and as I flip the test over, I grab hold of the vanity to steady myself as I stare back at the two pink lines that signify my worst fear.

I’m pregnant.

click here for part 2!

taglist: @harperdoodle , @weirdothatwritess , @rosiahills22 (y’all let me know if you dont want me to tag anymore)

#top gun maverick #top gun fandom #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin smut #jake seresin

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themoonsbride · 2 years ago

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Hi I just love your stories

Could I make a request with Jace

Reader is having a bad day from a terrible breakup.

She goes to the local cafe on the corner and happens to run into Jace.

He sits down next to her and buys her a cappuccino and asks her what's wrong

They get to know each other and eventually he asks her out of a date.

If you could fill in all the little details like him putting his arm around her and them looking into each other's eyes that would be wonderful

I read your stories and they make me feel happy and warm inside

You're a beautiful writer

Don't ever stop and follow your dreams You make the small part of the internet very happy

hi oh my gosh!!! i love you, literally made my entire week your so lovely. i hope you have the best day/night. <33

I'd love to write that for you. Sorry it took me so long to publish it!!

We Started as Strangers .

pairing; jace wayland x f!reader

Summary; Reader gets broken up with and feels horrible about herself, meets Jace inside of a local café, he ends up making small talk with her noticing she's upset, they end up flirting quite a bit and go out on their first date together.

Warnings; none, all fluff (some mild angst too.)

a/n: sorry I haven't been updating recently, I haven't had much motivation, I've been having a rough week and other things going on in my life have been stressful. I'll try to start updating more . :)

"Are you serious right now?!" You yelled at your now to be ex boyfriend inside the parking lot. There were nosy customers who'd been eavesdropping inside their cars and staring, people pushing their shopping carts to their cars and loading their trunks couldn't help themselves from staring. But you didn't care, infact that was the last of your worries due to your lover of almost 8 months was ending things with you. Sure 8 months couldn't compare to a relationship of 5 years, but it still broke you.

"Yeah Y/n, I am serious. Now get out of my sight." He replied coldly before hearing the sound of his car unlocking. Reality felt broken, like there was a wrinkle in time. Warm salt rivers streamed down your red cheeks.

"Fuck you!" you screamed and tore off the necklace that was clasped around your neck and threw it in his direction, hitting him in the jaw, making him flink and curse. He glared at you, his eyes cold and filled with anger.

"You're so fucking pathetic and childish. Goodbye Y/n." He stated sternly before getting inside his car. You felt rage overfill all the sadness inside your veins and core and kicked one of his back tires and stormed away. You felt lost. You felt broken. Tears blurred your vision and, your lungs stung from how furiously you were inhaling and exhaling.

You entered your car and rested your forehead ontop of the slim, leather, steering wheel and started to scream. Your throat feeling scratchy and soon hoarse. You started your car and started to drive to your favorite place in town, Java Jones. it was a nice café and sometimes people did live comedy and readings, you usually didn't go there for the open mic nights though.

Mainly just for their coffee and sweet treats.

You parked your car on next to the curb and walked a few blocks down, past a club and a few clothing stores before reaching the doubled glass doors of the small café. You looked around with your teary puffy eyes and found an empty booth and sat down. You stared outside watching the people walk past, and other strangers entering stores across the street. You looked down at your hands, your fingernails were bitten down to skin, it must've happened before your boyfriend ex broke up with you. You had that feeling deep inside your belly that you always got when something bad was bound to happen.

You were nervous and couldn't figure out what possible bad thing could've happened. Your mind presumed the idea it could've been your boyfriend breaking up with you. He was being so distant and you were sick of it and missed him, needed him. So what did you do instead of call his phone and talk it out? you followed him and confronted him.

Yeah great going, now you're single!

You hadn't even realized you were crying again until you noticed there were small pools of tears on the booth table. You looked up from your booth and saw other couples having cute dates, sharing milkshakes and small treats. It made you feel more broken and empty inside.

You looked out the window again, and saw in the reflection that a guy was approaching you, he was dressed in all black and had slick back blonde hair. he seemed young, maybe around his mid 20's ish.

"Excuse me?" He spoke. His accent had taken you back by suprise as you turned and tried to avoid eye contact, not wanting a complete stranger to see you crying. You must've looked an absolute mess infront of him. you felt embarrassed.

"Is this seat taken?" He asked softly, you shook your head no in response.

"No you can sit." You murmured back, and he sat across from you, he folded his hands in his lap as he noticed you were looking out the window, and saw your ruined mascara in your reflection along with your red puffy face.

"Is everything alright?" The sincerity was tracing inside his words and wrapping around you into a transparent hug. You looked over at him and wiped one of your tears off your cheek.

"No, I mean not really." You said meekly, you felt so small and empty. It felt weird opening up to someone you didn't know.

"Want to talk about it?" He said gently grabbing one of your hands and rubbing his thumb against the back of it soothingly. You looked down at the both of your hands and looked back up at him, his baby blue eyes seemed so welcoming.

You nodded at him and he gave you a tiny heartfelt smile as you breathed in deeply.

"My boyfriend just broke up with me." the word's fell off your tounge unexpectedly. it felt like they had all mixed and scrambled inside your throat before you spoke, but surprisingly, you were able to get full sentences out.

You ended up going on a whole rant about how you and your boyfriend broke up and how it made you feel, when you made eye contact with him once more. you realized you'd been going on and on. You also realized he was also holding both of your hands now.

"I'm so sorry Dear, surely he'll regret it, giving up someone who seems so amazing and brilliant." He said smiling at you, you felt your own lips start to stretch into a smile too.

"Why don't we get some coffee. yeah?" He seemed so nice and sweet. You didn't even know his name and now here he was, offering to get you guys coffee.

You lightly nodded your head before he get up from the booth and walked up to the counter, getting you a cappuccino and just regular black coffee for himself. He came back with his same soft smile plastered across his face before sitting across from you again. He lightly pushed your coffee over towards you as you smiled again, it almost felt like your cheeks were becoming warm, and you weren't sure if it was from the cappuccino, or from,,, shit.

his name.

"Uh.." you mumbled as he sipped his coffee, raising his brows at you.

"Sorry, do you not like cappuccinos?" He asked putting his cup back onto the table.

"No, it's not that it's just.. I don't know your name." you felt yourself grow shy inside.

he laughed at himself before placing his head in his hands, dragging them down his face before flashing you that amazing smile again.

"My apologies dear. Jace, Jace Wayland. but you could just call me Jace." He said grabbing one of your hands again, you swore you saw him wink at you at the end of his last sentence.

we're you guys flirting? was he flirting with you? he didn't even know your name, which you figured you should probably tell him by now too.

"Y/n." You said smirking .

"Y/n L/n, or you know. you could just call me Y/n." As the both of you giggled at your mocking of his words. looking into eachothers eyes intensely, it almost felt a bit intimate.

After about 4 months of knowing Jace, you'd completely forgotten your ex. You felt so different around Jace, the way he'd smile at you, how he'd hold your hand, how intense your butterflies were around him. You were too scared to make a move, you didn't know or really think he liked you too.

But there was a small part inside of you that desperately hoped he was just scared too, scared you didn't like him, because he liked you too.

You hoped so because he'd make you feel shy inside, and your body feel like it was going numb, or tingling whenever he'd look into your eyes, they looked like beautiful shining sapphires. How he'd make you feel like you were on top of the world when he made small flirty remarks towards you, and how your face would heat up just by looking at him from afar, and close up.

You were at Java Jones. Sitting in that same booth, that same day you met him. Waiting for Jace to arrive, and nearly almost 5 or 10 minutes later. there he was, entering the café and sitting down across from you. You smiled at him happily, he returned the same, though it seemed more nervous than he'd normally be.

"Hey Y/n?" He said shyly, trying trying avoid looking into your beautiful eyes and how gorgeous they'd look in the sunlight that beemed through the window.

"Yeah Jace?" You responded, grabbing his hands, trying to sooth his nerves, it was obvious to you that he felt anxious, maybe even a bit scared.

It made your heart start to race slightly, Jace was never scared, or anxious. He was always brave and kept his head held up high. It was one of the reasons you secretly loved him.

"I wanted to ask you something." His voice was sounded far and the type of anxious you'd feel piting inside of your stomach while you'd wait for your grade on a big test, or were checking your returned email from your dream collage to see if you either got in, or got denied.

You hummed in response, feeling like your arms were starting to tremble from how anxious you were becoming as a reaction to Jace being anxious for what seemed like the first time you'd ever met him.

"I wanted to know if.." He stopped himself mid sentence, you felt your breath hitch inside your throat.

"If, you'd like to go out. to dinner, tonight?" He murmured over to you, the words flowing into your ears, you weren't sure if you heard him correctly, or if you could hear anything at all. Your Heart felt like it was exploding into confetti along with the butterflies that were tickling the insides of your stomach and around your ribcage.

You examined his face to check if he were serious, and by his expression. He was, at first he thought your silence was your way of rejection, and he'd start to feel regret bubbling up inside of him until you smiled at him and your eyes had happiness glaze over them as you nodded your head.

"Yes, yes I'd love that Jace." You said, trying to keep calm and collected as he smiled back at you, he dragged your hands down the table as you both stood to leave the café, with his arm wrapped around your waist.

#jamie campbell bower #jace wayland x reader #jace wayland #jace herondale #the mortal instruments #city of bones #jamie bower fluff #angst #angst with a happy ending

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hyunnieshannie · 2 years ago

Text

EX | HJ

PREVIOUS ꕀ❀ꕀ SERIES MASTER LIST ꕀ❀ꕀ NEXT

Chapter 5: 9 Leebits in a trench coat.

Pairing: Han Jisung x AFAB. Reader

Word Count: 2108

General Synopsis: Your ex? Shitty. Your family? Worse. Your best friend? Left for a tour in the middle of one of the worst times of your life. How are you meant to deal with planning what should have been your wedding, dealing with your family, and pretending like you're not falling apart all on your own?

General Warnings: Idol!Jisung, mentions of other Idols (P1Harmony/Seventeen), all views on these idols are purely fictional. Idol AU. Mentions of cheating, mentions of smoking and drug use (weed and cigarettes), Mentions of drinking, angst, self esteem issues, depression. Y/N is older than Jisung. (I'm sorry for the jokes that come out of this) (any tags I missed please feel free to let me know! More tags to be added as the story goes on.) A/N: Smaller chapter, it will pick up soon I've had terrible writers block but im FINALLY back with an update for this <3 pls enjoy and let me know your current thoughts on Leah <3

“So he finally talked to you about it?” Keeho laughs as he stares into the camera, “Jheez I honestly thought he was gonna continue torturing himself over it,”

“Yeah I mean, he was really upset over it dude. I don’t know why he’d feel so upset over it, it wasn’t even his fault,” you sigh. It had been a few days since Jisung had spoken to you about why he had been so distant, but though you had originally thought you’d feel better by him talking to you; you’d managed to make yourself feel worse. You felt bad that he had felt shitty about the situation, it wasn’t his fault any of it happened yet he still felt bad. How were you expected not to feel bad about it? You made your friends worry, and worse he had felt so bad that he hid himself away for a few weeks.

“Probably because he cares a lot about you, I’d have felt the same if I were in his shoes, plus there's the whole rant he went on with me about it.”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah he was going on about I left you to him, and he feels bad he’s not doing enough, he just wants to make you happy and all that shit,” Keeho looks at you confused as he tilts his head to allow the stylist to adjust a few things on him. “I’m glad he talked to you though, honestly he needs to learn to be more open with his feelings, can’t let a pretty girl get him all flustered like that.” Keeho scoffs, “I mean how does the man survive on tour?” you laugh loudly at the remark.

“Please Kee, flustered?” you giggle, ��Stressed is the better word!”

“No, flustered is the correct one you dimwit. Or did he not tell you about how he-”

“Kee it’s time to go.” Taeyang appears on the screen waving to you, before turning back to Keeho. He simply nods and turns back to you,

“We’ll continue this later,” he smiles,

“Have fun out there!” you smile,

“Have a fun morning Y/N, I’ll call you when I can!” and with that he was gone, and you were back to working on your track. You had only woken up this early to get a chance to talk to him, and the conversation was nice. You missed your best friends and talking to them was nice. Though most of the time it would be a quick conversation, and interrupted ninety eight percent of the time it was still nice to see them.

Your morning mainly consisted of finishing up a song you had been working on for months, and finalizing the vocals for the song you had worked on with Changbin. In all it was a busy morning until noon when you’d have to begin getting ready for a meeting with Leah. After a few arguments with your family you had given in to meeting with her to discuss the dress you'd wear as her maid of honor because for some unknown reason she had decided you’d be staying in that role. You didn’t have to plan anything, the planner had that all down, but still it felt more and more as a chore rather than a joyous event.

ꕀ❀ꕀ

“Y/N. You cannot just leave your sister like this, are you stupid?”

“Mom, I'm not leaving her? She picked a fight with me in front of my-”

“Your little friends crushed her that day Y/N how could you let that happen? You are her older sister, you are supposed to be there for her!” Your mother scolded you, of course you knew you had to be there for her but no one ever seemed to listen to the concerns you had. No one ever saw the fault Leah had, and always pinned the blame on you because you’re the older one, you’re supposed to be more responsible, and Leah was their perfect little angel who could do absolutely no wrong.

“Mom-”

“Y/N you fix this shit with your sister, I’m not going to let you ruin her big day like this. So get your shit together or else” you could picture the face she was making, a mixture of disappointment and anger. That look in her eyes that would tell you that everything was your fault.

ꕀ❀ꕀ

As you sat in the coffee shop awaiting Leah’s arrival, you spent time texting Changbin who’d been asking about how the song was coming along. You laughed as he joked about how if you kept tweaking the song it would become an entirely new one,

Gym Bro [12:04 pm] Hear me out tho

You [12:04 pm] Listening

Gym Bro [12:05 pm] What if you just post the song?

You [12:06pm] Are you crazy? It’s not finished?

Gym Bro [12:06 pm] It’s a good song as is, in your ears it’s never going to be perfect. This is why we have people to review things. If you’re really unsure, let me, Ji, and Chan listen to the full thing and give you some advice on what could be improved. Like I said, if you keep doing it yourself you’ll never think it’s good enough.

You [12:08 pm] Damn you got deep there ;)

Gym Bro [12:08 pm] Oh my god, why are you like this?

You [12:08 pm] I’m joking! But yeah maybe I’ll let you guys just listen to it, but maybe not Chan.

Gym Bro [12:09 pm] THE FUCK YOU MEAN NOT CHAN? He’s probably the best one to listen to the track?

You [12:11 pm] You know exactly why.

You sigh as you look at the time, Leah is well over fifteen minutes late for the ‘scheduled’ meeting the two of you made. As much as it did help not seeing her for now, you’d rather just get it fully over with as quick as possible. Your phone buzzed once more, as the sound of the bell jingling rang throughout the cafe. Leah had finally arrived.

“Sister!” she exclaimed as she rushed towards your table, “How have you been my sweet?” your body cringed at the nickname. How could she act so sweet to you after everything? Brushing it off you force a smile to her as she pulls you into a hug.

“Alright, just working and you?” you give her an award winning smile, that would truly convince anyone in the cafe that the two of you were truly happy to see each other.

“Stressed, but you know how it is; planning a wedding and such.” Leah smirks at you, “Or I mean, you have heard of the stress.”

“I’m sure your planner has got it under control.” You sigh as you sit back down in your chair, swirling the spoon in your coffee as a way to distract yourself from the impending sense of doom building up in your stomach. You watch as the black coffee swirls around in the cup as the silence between Leah and yourself becomes thicker, the honey in which you had put in your coffee had fully melted and dissolved long before her arrival and yet you stirred as if it had been freshly placed. A part of you wished you could slip a shot of something into it, because dealing with Leah required a level of intoxication that would help on drowning out her annoying whines and complaints. Bailey’s would be nice, no. Something stronger, whiskey. That would help. You thought to yourself,

“Anyways listen, what I was thinking for the bridesmaids would be something light pink, and for you I’d have you in something darker to stand out more from them. Unless, you want to blend in with them.” Leah began, “You do have a terrible habit of being unnoticeable so, I think something more bold would be best.” you couldn’t tell what kind of statement that was. Rude at best. “Nothing too bold though, I can’t have you taking any sort of attention away from me.”

“I thought I was unnoticeable,” you scoff as you bring your coffee to your lips, the now cold liquid sliding down with ease as you take a sip. Leah shakes her head, before bringing her binder out of her bag.

“Anyways, I don’t have time to explain every little thing to you; also you never actually answered the Save The Date, so I just marked you down that you’re coming alone seeing as you definitely don’t have the time to find a date, seeing as you’re much too invested in your…song, or apparently still being in love with my fiance to start looking for someone new.” Something about her assumption threw you off, you choked on your coffee as you looked up at her smiling down at you as if she had something against you, “Honestly it really is awkward that you’re still into him. You need to get over it please y/n.” the statement almost had you spitting your coffee back out at her, her look feigning innocence began to cause your blood to boil. Your cheeks heating up as you set your mug back down.

“I have a date.” you mutter, as she gives you wide eyes. “I’m over him Leah, no need to worry.”

“Fantastic! And who is this date of yours, I can mark him down now so that I can give the list to my planner.” Leah tilts her head, awaiting an answer. Truthfully you hadn’t thought of who you’d bring as a date, but her statements today lead you to say something you hadn’t fully thought through.

“My RSVP is in the mail, I’m sure you’ll enjoy the surprise.” it was not.

“Splendid, I’m excited to see who this mystery man is!” Leah laughs, standing from her seat. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment to alter my dress today.”

“You chose your dress already?”

“Yes, and sorry love. But no matter what you say that dress looked too good on me to pass up. So, yeah.” with that Leah throws her purse and tote over her shoulder and begins to leave. “I’ll send you the name of the shop to find your dress! Love ya!” and then she was gone.

ꕀ❀ꕀ

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” You yell into the pillow as Mini sits at the edge of the bed. Of course you just had to go and let Leah get under your skin and say something stupid. “What do I do? I don’t have a date? And Now she’s expecting me to RSVP within this week because my dumbass said it was already in the mail!”

“Calm down and breathe dude,” Mini sighs, “Finding a date won’t be all that hard,”

“Easy for you to say, all you have to do is look at Hyune and he’s following you to the ends of the earth. I on the other hand do not have anyone that would do so. Nor anyone readily available to play boyfriend so that I don’t have to deal with Leah’s stupid fucking behaviour.” You complain,

“You act like we don’t have eight men ready to help you out at any moment.” Mini laughs, “I’m sure any of them would be glad to ‘play’ boyfriend for a night!”

“Min your math isn’t mathing.”

“What do you mean by that?” she gives you a confused look,

“Hyune is taken so that's minus one, so are Bin, Chan, Lix and Minho. So that’s three left. AND I’m not really willing to put Minnie and Innie through that pain and Ji’s already felt like shit because of Leah so he’s out of the question too-”

“Well I guess your only option is to bring nine leebits stacked in a trenchcoat, at least then they’d be taller than you.” Mini laughs, as she throws the plush toy at you,

“That is so oddly specific… how do you know nine is-”

“Listen there are a lot of things you do not want to know, and my skzoo abuse is part of that, anyways there's absolutely no harm in asking them is all I’m saying, and we both know ALL of them would help, it’s just how they are.” you contemplated the idea, sure bringing one of them to the wedding isn’t a terrible idea in itself, but the idea of having any of those boys endure Leah was enough to make your entire body cringe. If Taeyang or Stephen had been around for sure, you’d drag them to it. They already knew how she was; and more specifically how to cope with her constant need for attention.

Tag List

@alyszaen @channiesbub @dugarzaddy @fairywriter-oracle @skzloveforever @neohyxn @chaotickyrith @lemonadencran @raven-skz95 @chanlixiiee @awkwardnesshabitat @drhsthl @katsukis1wife @mysticalexpertwinneralien @hanniejisimp @jaebaebaegot7

#han jisung x female reader #han jisung fluff #skz han #stray kids han #han jisung #han jisung x you #han jisung x reader #han jisung x y/n #stray kids #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids x reader #stray kids fan fic #stray kids fic #han jisung fic #stray kids jisung

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creampuffqueen · 4 months ago

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You absolutely don't have to answer this one if it's something you'd prefer to keep to yourself, but... was there any particular reason why you struggled with your confidence as a writer? It's a little funny, a little sad, that no matter how good someone is at what they do, at certain times they're unable to perceive their work that way

yeah i don't mind at all! i've been in a very good place confidence-wise for a while now, so i'm definitely able to look back on some of those moments more objectively. i think it's very important to share that everyone struggles with confidence at times, no matter how "good" their work seems.

i think my struggle with my confidence as a writer, both then, occasionally now, and always, stems from the fact that i have never been a super confident person as a whole. i have always had very bad imposter syndrome, ever since i was young, in pretty much all that i do. school, work, hobbies, anything really. i always have had this underlying feeling of 'i'm just faking being good at [thing], i was only good at [thing] because of dumb luck, one day i'm gonna be super bad at [thing] and then everyone will Find Out'.

find out what? idk. but that is something i've experienced for a very long time. most of the time i'm able to ignore those feelings, but every now and then they really rear their ugly head and i sort of get stuck in a rut.

as for the writing itself. i actually can pinpoint what i was specifically struggling with at the time. for starters, i was still finishing up school when i was beginning to plot out my fics for yangvik week, and my spring semester was rough. my adhd became incredibly unmanageable and my overall mental health was probably at the worst it's ever been. not super conducive to writing.

the other part of this struggle was actually because of my other fic, 'the push'. i love that fic and i am very proud of it, but it BLEW UP, becoming popular beyond my wildest imagination. it's only been out for a few months but it is one of the most popular things i have ever posted. last time i checked, it is the most popular work in the entire yangchen/kavik tag on ao3, which is just crazy to me.

unfortunately, the downside of this is that i began to feel like nothing i wrote would ever be as good as that fic. the imposter syndrome appeared full-force. i began to wonder if i should even bother writing for yangvik again. i mean, i had created the most popular fic by dumb luck. there was no way i could create something of that caliber again, right? and if i wrote something that wasn't as good, then people would know that i'm secretly a terrible writer.

this was also extremely exacerbated by my outside mental health struggle. i would struggle to write because of my adhd, and then would beat myself up about it because 'oh i just trekked through that mental block before, i should be able to do it again'. (spoiler alert, no i couldn't).

but somehow, the stars just seemed to align for yangvik week. by some miracle, i had both the free time to write AND working medication that actually let my get my ideas down. i published my fic for day one and it was very well received, and i was able to focus on that rather than my own imposter syndrome, and finally feel some confidence in my writing again!

so this is just my message to other artists: everyone struggles with their confidence at times. it isn't always mental health related like mine was (though you should always prioritize your own mental health! making art is so, so much harder when your brain is out of whack) but everyone feels a lack of confidence occasionally. your art deserves to be seen, no matter if you think you've just created the second mona lisa or you think it's a dumpster fire. someone out there is going to love it, i promise <3

thank you for the ask!

#ask box #katkastrofa #writers on tumblr #okay to reblog

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epersonae · 1 year ago

Text

I promised a couple of people in the comments that I would write up my thoughts on the relationship between for the benefit of all the broken hearts and the Carly Rae Jepsen album The Loneliest Time, and as a way of dealing with some wicked writer's block, here it is. (below the cut, because long, and I know only a few followers/mutuals are likely to be interested. also: spoilers for my fic, if you are interested in it but haven't read/finished.)

fwiw, even if you have no interest in this particular fic, I highly recommend the album, it's great!

So I wrote most of this fic while listening to this album: I was looking for some good background music, I wanted some pop music, and I had listened to it once and thought it was pretty good, so I put it on. And THEN it turns out most of the album hits the Themes and Motifs I was playing with, and I became obsessed. (Tidal continues to let me know, month after month, just how obsessed.) And CRJ became an ingredient in the character I was writing, which turned into a great feedback loop of the music and the aesthetic and getting sent interviews, which fed back into the character, etc etc etc.

As I was writing, I ended up with the headcanon that this album is sort of/mostly/not entirely/in a parallel dimension the album that the unnamed protagonist is working on throughout the story. Which in the story, she's written about half an album, quite a bit of which is about her relationship with Ed, and then she's inspired to write new songs by the events of the story itself. In my head, that works with the songs in the real album in the real world, because I think of them as three categories.

I will say that sometimes songs move around in categories in my head, or I've thought about their relationship to the story in different ways over time, which is part of the experience of mostly listening to a single album for seven months. (Apologies to my neighbors, I guess? Or anyone who has ridden in my car.)

Songs that have nothing to do with the story

If this is the album in the story, these are songs she wrote before the story that are not related to her relationships, they're just songs.

Beach House - although a song like this is directly referenced, I think a couple of times? She redirects the interview in the final scene by talking about something like it, a song inspired by terrible online dating experiences, which I think is something I heard in a CRJ interview about Beach House.

Bends (which is apparently a song CRJ wrote about grief from losing a family member) - the chorus is very vibes but it doesn't hit anything in particular

Western Wind - likewise vibes but not story

Shooting Star - I do love this song, but yeah, not part of the story

Pre-WFU (or at least pre-story) songs about Ed

These are also songs she came into the studio with, but they are specific to her relationship with Ed, and a particular conception of them that she has in her head. I am agnostic about whether she wrote them entirely before WFU, or in the gap during/after when she didn't know about those events.

So Nice - this is the song re: Ed; it's the song she can't quite get in the studio after meeting Mary, the song she remembers writing while watching him, the song she can finally record properly after things are more resolved. (Yeah there is a direct reference, I happened to be writing a particular bit of chapter 9 while it was playing, and decided to do something silly.) This song inspired a lot of how I thought about her feelings about Ed, too.

Surrender My Heart (this is the song that gave me the title) - altho this one I can sometimes see either way, as something she came in with or as something she wrote as it happened?

Sideways

No Thinking Over The Weekend

Songs from the story

These are the songs that she writes over the course of the story, and that as I listened to them, had extra resonance for writing the story. Some of them I associate strongly with particular chapters or sections, or I have strong visuals in my head for them. I tend to imagine her writing them as if thinking from the perspectives of the other characters, too.

Bad Thing Twice - if listening to "So Nice" is the "oh this is her and Ed's song" breakthrough moment in my writing process, this is the "HEY IT'S A WFU SONG" that cemented this album as going with this story. It works so well it's a little spooky tbh. Sometimes I think of it as Ed to Stede or vice versa, but it's also tasty to think of it with her and Mary too.

Talking to Yourself - late in the draft process I solidified that this is the first of the songs that she writes over the course of the story, the couplet that comes to her while taking a break from recording. I tend to think of it also as Ed to Stede, and something of the vibes that she's absorbed from that first chapter with Ed and then from talking to Mary and briefly encountering Stede.

Joshua Tree - speaking of Mary, this is THE song for her and Mary, which is partially the painting references, partially the California driving vibes, partially the lines "California dreaming's never what it seems/But here it comes, I know what I must do now".

Go Find Yourself or Whatever - so I have this scene in my head that I will probably never write, of the foursome sometime after the story going out to karaoke, and ofc some of her songs are there, and Ed and Mary sing this as a duet while staring directly at Stede, who is attempting to disappear under a table.

Keep Away - conversely, this is very much Stede's song, all the way through, and I'm always [bites fist] about "I'm keeping company [...] with all the friends I got from you" in the context of Roach being part of the comedy show scene.

Far Away - not a strong association, but it makes me think of her realizing that she hasn't really known Ed, and in some ways wanting to start over. So a little bit chapter 1, even, and a little bit chapter 10, I think.

Anxious - I think I rotated this through lots of different feelings, and eventually settled on the whole chapter 13 situation, and Ed and Mary, and it's something about the energy of it and also "ooh, boy, you've got a reputation"

Special category: The Loneliest Time

There's two aspects to this: in the story, she's writing it in chapter 11 specifically, so between Berlin and Los Angeles, and it's a duet, and I got to bring in some ambiguous famous male singer (theories and headcanons welcome) that is a bit of a foil and context for her in that and in the following chapters in the recording studio.

But also, at some point very early on, it struck me that if I did this thing successfully -- that is to say, if I fixed it in a way that I personally would recognize as fixed, it would feel like the way The Loneliest Time sounds.

By which I mean: something about the interweaving of the vocals and the depth of the sound and the chord progressions (I think? it has been 1000 years since I did anything with music) and the lyrics and the whole vibe of it. Something about it feels like a resolution, even if it's not perfect or final, it's settled into a new place, one that's hopeful, and that's what I wanted to get to.

(For a while, I thought that if I was able to land it, I would title the fic "The Loneliest Time", but it didn't quite fit - when I made the series for it and A secret third thing and the missing scenes fic I'm working/posting/block on, I decided it works for the set as a whole.)

As a final thought, one of the things I appreciate about this album in relationship to this story is that the songs don't appear to be in a story order. There's no particular story arc or narrative or even necessarily direct relationship between any of the songs. And that worked with the idea that comes up in the final chapter: "It’s not one to one. The story you’re telling isn’t always your story exactly as it is." And before that, when she thinks about putting the music out into the world and it become part of other people's stories.

There's something about that, and about how this story relates to a lot of personal things in a similarly non-linear way, that makes this album feel even more connected to this story.

#my writing #my fic #carlita coded content #I love this album so fucking much #much thanks to anyone who has listened to me ramble about it at length #ironically I got invited to see CRJ in concert just weeks before this obsession hit #and passed for a bunch of complicated reasons #otoh the friend who invited me ended up with an extra copy of the ROSE PINK TRANSLUCENT VINYL and gave it to me

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sugarmaiiu · 2 years ago

Text

Fuck You, Billy. (Part 3)

Part One

Pairing Billy Hargrove x reader

Time Frame: between season 2 and 3 / October 1984 (Billy hasn't gotten his Lifeguard job yet)

Warnings: t/w rough handling, unadmitted consent, semi-lemon (unprotected)

Word Count: 7.7k

First Person POV

a/n: Hi everyone! This is going to be the last part of the Fuck You, Billy series. Anything I write for Billy x fem reader will most likely use this as background knowledge so if I get a request for Billy x fem reader, consider it as a side part for this series. I've really enjoyed coming back to Tumblr after writers block and getting all this love from the community so thank you so much! NOW to address the text at hand, I wanted to make it long so I could wrap it up. As a thank you from the support I've gotten I included a little bit of spice, some lemon perhaps. So buckle up, and get ready cause its show time!

I didn't expect Billy to stick around.

It's been a month since Billy blackmailed me into being his pretend girlfriend, and like now, Billy is still there everyday waiting for me by his car to pick me up after school.

"Took you long enough," he said taking a puff of his cigarette.

"It's Friday, you can afford to wait," I said, "Besides we still have to wait on Max, so don't you start giving me that tough guy bullshit."

He waited till I was right in front of him to blow out his smoke in my face. It smelt terrible and I couldn't help but cough up a lung when he did it.

He was laughing, but still kept his smug composure, "How many times do I have to tell you that you should watch that mouth of yours when you speak to me."

I was still coughing when I flipped him off, only earning myself more laughs from him in response.

"You'll never win me over when you do that kind of shit, " I said when I could finally breathe again. He rolled his eyes and put it out.

"C'mon let's go," he said putting his cigarette out on the concrete.

"What about Max?"

"I already warned her ahead of time, she'll find another way home. Let's go."

Once we got on the road I looked at him in curiosity. I know him, and I know that he must have had some reason to why he shooed off Max.

He said looking at me from the corner of his eye, "For somebody who claims they hate me so much, you sure do stare at me a lot."

"C'mon Billy cut the shit, where we going?"

"Nosey aren't you? You saying you don't trust me?"

"I don't trust any guy with a mullet," I said with a smirk, knowing it'd get a reaction out of him.

He nodded his head and I could see him mouth the word 'Wow', "I'll remember that."

"Good for you, I'm surprised that brain of yours can remember anything at all."

He kept nodding his head with a smile, saying nothing back for a moment, "And here I was about to tell you where we're heading, but I don't remember anymore baby, so guess we'll both just find out when we get there, won't we?."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah alright, but I'm not getting out of this car if you take me someplace weird."

On the way, I thought about that dinner I had with Billy's family the first day all this started between me and him. The whole family, including myself, ate in complete silence. I thought at least Max and her mom, Susan, would talk when Neil had gone back to his chair in the living room after scoffing down his meal, but the dinner table remained speechless.

I will never forget the way Billy looked that night.

He looked broken and letdown, but I could tell that he was just holding out for the sake of not embarrassing himself. He drove me back home in silence that night too, and he didn't even tell me bye once I got out the car. He simply drove off.

I thought for sure he was going to rid of me, but when I saw him waiting for me outside of school the next day, he acted as if nothing ever happened. I haven't been back at his house since and all I could ask myself is 'what happened outside between him and his dad that night.'

Whatever it was, it really affected Billy.

I tried everything to step away from Billy after that night; after I realized how horrible it would be to be involved in his life.

I refused to take a ride home from him day after day, but he'd just show up at my house while my dad was at work. I only spoke to him in very dry responses, but he'd continue to talk to me anyways. I even tried to give him back the clothes he bought for me, but the next day I found them in the mailbox.

After a week of going on like this he still stayed by my side and tried to stop me everyday after school to give me a ride home.

My heart couldn't take it anymore, seeing how much he was putting in to getting my attention back, so I finally just gave in and took the damn ride home.

Though one weird thing I noticed is that he completely stopped touching me. I was curious to why Billy had stopped, but if I was honest I kind of missed it. I caught myself blushing every time I thought about his legs rubbing in between mine, as he pinned me down to my own bed to do it.

I am full of gross self loathing shame for enjoying it.

I know myself, so I knew that if I was aboard his train before, I was definitely on now. Though not only was I just aboard, I was strapped into my seat. I don't think I could break out of it, even if I went at it with full force.

If the Billy Hargrove Express was going to crash, I'd be going down with it.

Billy handed me a bandana, breaking me away from my thoughts, "Put this over your eyes, don't complain about it either," he said.

"Wait why?"

"Jesus, just put the damn thing on. I just said don't give me shit for it."

I looked at him strangely, but took the bandana from his hands regardless. "I don't trust you at all just so you know. I'm only doing it because, knowing you, you'll probably stop us in the middle of the road again, like some lunatic, till I do."

"Damn straight I will, so hurry up and put it on," he said smiling at my comment.

I took a deep breath before tying the cloth around my eyes, completely blinding myself to where we were heading. As much as I give Billy shit, I do actually at least trust him enough to not be some raging serial killer like Ted Bundy.

Billy turned the music up in the car a little bit louder, making it to where all sound I could hear was he music around us.

It gave me shivers not knowing where we were going and having my senses taken away.

I take it back, maybe he could be another Ted Bundy.

If he was a serial killer, I'd be dead. Due to the smooth way the car traveled across the road and the sheer darkness from the blindfold, I fell asleep.

I woke up to Billy picking me up out of my seat. His touch startled me awake and I reached for the blindfold that cover my eyes, out of panic. He grabbed my wrist to stop me.

"Hey, if I wanted you to see again, I'd already have taken it off," he said now cradling me in his arms.

"I can walk dipshit, put me down."

"Yeah but then I have to guide your ass, and as funny as it would be too see you wipe out on the ground, I'd rather us just get there as quickly as possible."

I huffed and wrapped my hands around his neck. Even though I couldn't see I knew he'd be smiling like the prick he was because he was getting his way.

"You still want down?", he asked after walking us around a few feet.

"Yes, now can you please just put me down."

"Whatever you say," he said before throwing me out of his arms. I let out a scream, afraid of not knowing how far I was being thrown. I was expecting to hit the ground, but almost immediately as my worry began, I crashed into a soft squishy surface.

He was snickering at my sudden fright. while doing so, he stepped towards me, taking off my blindfold before I could even get situated to be sitting upright.

The sudden light burned my eyes as I looked up at the dark and tall figure above me, which I knew was Billy, even though my vision was still blurry.

It only took a few seconds for my eyes to stop burning, when I realized we were out in the woods, and I was sitting on a couch on some random porch.

Attached to the porch was a small cabin, and not too far off from us was a lake. I looked around, seeing nothing but woods and a small wooden dock, sticking out from the lake's shore.

"You blind folded me to take me here?", I asked looking up at him.

He looked down at me into my eyes before kneeling down to my level, "Yep. We're staying here this weekend, and since you don't really know where we are, you kind of don't have a choice in the matter."

"What about your dad?", I said before pausing, "What about my dad Billy, huh? You ever consider that?"

He shushed me. "Yeah I did actually, and he was ok with it."

"Oh really? So you just called my house, hoped it was my dad, then told him I'd be staying all weekend alone with you. Oh, and in case you forgot, Billy, you are literally a stranger to him." I huffed, "Yeah I don't think he would be quite so ok with that like you claim."

Billy rolled his eyes and shoved the bandana into my mouth in one quick swoop of his hand. "Yeah and that's why I didn't tell him the truth y/n. You think I'm an idiot or something?"

I spit out the bandana, onto the floor, almost as quickly as he shoved it into my mouth.

He was really starting to get on my nerves with the whole inconsiderate bratty child act.

I forced Billy to move back when I practically jumped up from where I was sitting, "You can't just decide I'm staying here Billy! And you lied to my fucking dad to get me here. What the fuck?", I said seconds away from slapping him, but I resisted the urge.

"I'm trying to give you a good weekend and you're mad at me? Your dad thinks your on some trip with the yearbook committee for the this year's yearbook. What's the harm. It's not like I kidnapped you," he said getting in my face.

"Yeah Billy, you basically did. Last time I checked, you never asked me if I was okay with this!", I yelled getting increasingly louder as I spoke.

I went to turn away, and for the first time in weeks he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me in close so he could get in my face. He was about to say something, but instead he looked at me in my eyes.

After a moment of staring into each other's eyes, I thought he was going to kiss me, like he had done before. I mentally prepared myself to be kissed, when suddenly he let me go.

I felt the air crawl it's way out of my body. I felt a ache in my heart but only for a moment. I actually got disappointed he didn't kiss me.

I huffed and internally scolded myself for being disappointed when I said, "You know you could have just asked me to come this weekend. You could at least be kind enough to give me the choice."

"Would you have said yes?", he added quickly.

"I don't know. I-", he interrupted me.

"Would you have said yes, y/n?"

I gulped and let there be a pause before I quietly shrugged my shoulders.

"It's not like I despise being around you. I- just-" , I had to pause to let out a nervous laugh, "I know we can have a good time. I mean I've had a fun time around you before."

He scoffed, "You sure as hell don't act like you have."

"Billy, you can't be serious?", I asked.

"No, I'd like to genuinely know, because I sat around for you everyday like some needy bitch, and you walked all over me for days despite that. Do you know how fucking embarrassing that is for me?"

I was too stunned to speak.

Afterall, this was the selfish man whore Billy Hargrove in front of me, admitting that.

"I won't say everything has been. . perfect, but," I looked at him ready to admit some feelings, "you've given me good memories since day one."

"Oh yeah the day I blackmailed you, that was a good memory?"

"Not all of that day of course. I mean you for sure scared the hell out of me that day. You were very intimidating, but not all of that day was bad."

He rolled his eyes and walked past me to sit on the couch on, he had previously thrown me onto. He lit up a cigarette and looked out onto the lake.

"I enjoyed going to the movies that day," I laughed in between my words, refusing to let the topic go, "and when you were on my last nerve you suggested we scream it out, and we just flew down that road afterwards with no care about how dangerous it was."

I quickly noticed him start to smile again.

"And dinner with you family wasn't all that bad."

He scoffed in a sort of half-laugh kind of way, "I can believe that other shit you were spewing out just now, but that dinner was fucking horrible."

"Maybe for you, though I don't really know how your side of things went," I said hoping he'd elaborate on it.

He huffed and took a long hit from his cigarette, "You ever even try to smoke a cigarette before?", he asked avoiding the conversation.

"I don't mean to pry Billy, just your dad seemed strange to me is all. I'm just curious if he's always like that or not."

"If you can smoke a whole cigarette with me I'll sleep on the couch and you can have the bed to yourself," he said. Even if the deal was a pretty good offer, he still was avoiding the conversation.

"Ok got it, you just expect me to tell you what's wrong when I start acting off, but your just allowed to avoid the question entirely?"

What I said, must have strung a nerve withing him. He put out his cigarette and within seconds he was standing up, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt, and pinning me against the wall of the cabin.

The sudden impact with the wall left me breathless as I looked up to Billy's angry eyes.

"Is this what you want to know y/n?" he asked spitting in my face as he smoke

"What the fuck is wrong with you?", I asked trying not to focus on my now aching back.

"A lot of shit you don't even want to get me started on," he forcefully let me go and let out an aggressive scream as he began to walk off towards the lake.

"Billy where are you going?" I asked but got no response for.

I pursued him as he marched his way out towards the lake. A part of me felt bad for edging him on, but I was in the right about this. Even if it was a sore topic for him, he didn't have to be such a closed off dick about it.

He sat down at the lake's edge and I stopped to stand behind him.

"The way I held you against that wall," he said after a long awkward pause, "is the same way my dad held me when we walked outside. .all because I brought you into the house."

"I didn't kno-" he shushed me once again, and patted down next to him, signaling me to sit. "I just get so fucking angry living out here. This cow-shit smelling, hick of a town, pisses me off to a extent where you can't even begin to understand," he said as I plopped down next to him.

"Why don't you move back?"

"There's no where to move back to."

"You don't have family back there?"

"My mom," he said scoffing, "but she left me and my dad when I was just a kid."

I could tell his mom was a sore subject for him to talk about. He hung his head and fiddled with his hands as he spoke about her, even if it was just a quick mention.

I decided to get off the touchy subject, "I don't live with him everyday, but your dad is a fucking asshole."

He nodded his head, "Yeah, he is."

"Max told me he's hit you before, which I don't agree with of course. It's really fucked up."

"Yeah well she and her mom are real pieces of shitty work too."

"You don't mean that."

"Yeah I do, and you wanna know why? If it wasn't for them I'd still be in California and my dad wouldn't be as much of a fucking prick asshole," he picked up a nearby stone and threw it as hard as could, to send it skipping across the lake's surface, "He wants me to be happy or some shit that they are in my life, and he wants me to act like their my family, but they aren't. It's not my fucking job to be responsible for Max either, when she's thirteen years old and isn't even my real fucking sister."

"She's still the closest thing you have to a sister."

"Yeah well step-sibling isn't close enough.", he said looking away from me.

I sighed and leaned my head on Billy's shoulder, hoping it would calm him down. Even if it was slightly.

"Just because your dad is a piece of shit doesn't mean you have to be like him, you know? I prefer the real Billy more than the stuck up asshole version of you."

"Yeah and what's that real Billy like?" he asked, obviously still frustrated.

"The real Billy waits for me every day after school to take me home even though he knew I would refuse it."

He stayed silent but I decided to keep going anyways

"Or the Billy who surprises me with a weekend getaway," I said with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah, sure seemed to me like you hated that I brought you here," he said, sending another another stone skipping across the water.

"No actually, I think it's very sweet of you to plan this out for us. I just think it was pretty inconsiderate of you and how you went about it," I looked to him, "You did kind of go out of your way to lie to my dad about it and then blindfolded me on the way here, so I wouldn't be able to get back home."

"You really think if I asked, you would have came?"

I made sure he was looking back at me before I spoke, "Yeah Billy, I think I would have," I let out a small laugh, "Hell, then we could have thought of an excuse together for my dad."

He scoffed, "You can't be the same y/n I know. She would get a high horse from me telling her she's right," he finally smiled, but it was different than his usual. It wasn't fake, or didn't come from his ego, this smile was genuine.

"Oh, so now you're saying I was right?"

"Jesus, nevermind, your still who I thought you were."

I lightly swatted his arm in a playful manor, "Well as much as I'd love to tell you, I told you so, I'm glad you told me." I added, "At least I didn't have to slam on my brakes in the middle of a road to make you do so."

"That just proves I'm a lot less work than you."

I scoffed, "You keep dreaming Billy."

He stayed silent for a second before yanking me and himself up off the ground. Before I could react, he picked me up off my feet and carried me to the dock I had noticed before.

"Don't you fucking dare!" I yelled thrusting around in his grasp as he walked.

"Oh yeah admit you're the bigger fucking handful and I'll let you go."

"You're the one who probably spends more than half an hour fixing your hair up in the morning, and I'm the handful?!" I asked not being to help myself from laughing.

He started swinging me as if he were to throw me, but didn't fully commit. He was giving me a warning.

"Last chance, y/n!" he yelled out. I yelled out in a fearful scream, choosing that over responding to him. I grasped onto him for dear life.

"Suite yourself!" he said throwing me into the water. I tried my best to cling onto him, so at least he'd come down with me, but his strength was ten-times my own. It was nothing for him to pry me off before throwing me out.

The water hit me like icy stakes piercing my body. It's much colder in the fall compared to the summer, so I doubt the water could be anything over than sixty-five degrees.

I popped my head out of the water just in time to catch Billy throwing his shirt onto the dock, before jumping in right after me.

I got yet another round of icy cold water to the face.

Seconds later, he too sprang his head up from the surface. He immediately started to shake the water from his hair like a wet dog, and screamed out a loud 'whoo', that echoed across the vast, open lake.

Both of us were laughing as he swam over to me and my shivering body. He scooped me up and wrapped my legs around him so he could hold me.

I blushed. This was the first time he had tenderly held me, since the first day we got into this whole mess.

He came in for a kiss, interrupting my giggles.

"Hmph!", I instinctively let out as his lips came crashing onto mine.

He was hungry. Last time we kissed was a month ago when he kissed me by sheer force. With the way I was kissing back now, I'm sure even he could tell that I wanted it. I wanted it bad.

His hands explored my back as I held onto him myself with my legs. The journeyed across my shirt until they found a resting spot near my lower back.

I broke away first, and for once he actually let me. This was better than I remembered, it was good. Really good.

No matter how great it made me feel, it still didn't change the fact that the water was freezing cold and I was shivering in his arms.

I stuttered from how cold I was, "Can- Can we please go- go back onto the shore?"

He shook his head, denying my request, "Admit it."

"Billy!" I threw my head back in annoyance that he was still even on the same subject that got us into the water in the first place.

"It's your fault if we catch a cold from being out here for too long, so you better hurry it up and just admit it."

I huffed, "Ok for fucks sake Billy," I gave him a mean looked before I continued, "I can be a handful sometimes, just like everyone else, so can we please just get out of this water."

His egoist smile returned, "First one out gets to sleep in the bed," he said suddenly dropping my weight back into the water. I almost went back under, but I was half expecting him to let me go either way.

"You cheating prick!" I yelled out, but he just laughed.

Not only did he beat me to the shore, but he beat me back to the cabin to. It was quite a sight to see him in such a hurry to grab his previously striped clothes off the dock, before running back up to towards the cabin.

It made me smile how Billy reminds me of a happy toddler, who just is over themselves with excitement, when he is having fun.

I finally drug myself back up to the cabin, walking into it for the first time, soaking wet.

"Hey don't move, you're still soaked!" he yelled out from across the small cabin.

"And you aren't?" I yelled back.

I didn't receive a response till he trotted his way back over to me with folded towels wrapped up in his arms, for us to dry off with.

"What just happened out there proves I can be quick about pretty much anything," he said gloating.

"I'm sure you're right. You really are quick about everything." I said with a wink.

He scoffed, "I'm sure you'd like to know. Wouldn't you sweetheart?" he said wrapping a towel around me.

"Maybe I would," , He paused for a half a second, not expecting that sort of response. "Maybe I wouldn't. You'll sure as shit never find out," I continued after a long pause.

"Well your stuck all alone with me all weekend, I wouldn't be so quick to say that."

"Oh yeah and boost your ego? I'd rather go drown in that lake out there."

He rolled his eyes.

Billy was obviously prepared for this trip, and it was certainly no last minute decision on his part. The entire kitchen was stocked for the weekend, and the sheets on the bed had been freshly washed.

Billy even bought me a couple outfits to wear for the weekend, knowing he would take me here by surprise, leaving me no time to prep.

"You do realize how this all seems suspicious to me right?" I said finally snuggling in on the couch after drying off and changing into a silky pajama set he had bought for me.

"How so?", he said coming to sit next to me after turning on the TV across from us.

"You replaced all my clothes, I have no idea where I am, you've had this planned out for a few days at least, and there's a lake about thirty feet from this cabin for easy disposal."

"What am I? Ted Bundy?", he asked, reading my thoughts.

"You could be. I mean you totally check off all the boxes to be a serial killer." I said smirking.

"Well you're the one who said you'd rather drown than sleep with me so if your dead body ends up in the lake that's by your own doing."

I rolled my eyes, "Even if you kidnapped me into bringing me here, I still am glad to spend the weekend somewhere outside of my bedroom," I said tempted to lay my head on his shoulder.

"Is this a thank you I hear?" he said. This was pure fuel for his ego.

"Yeah, it is. Thank you."

"Guess I'll have to kidnap you more often then." he said scooting closer to me.

He and I both let out a little laugh at the wording, and I finally gave in and laid my head on his shoulder as we both looked at the TV.

All I remembered was closing my eyes for a second, but before I could stop it, I was asleep on his shoulder.

When I opened my eyes again, everything was completely dark except for the TV that illuminated us on the couch and the surrounding area.

I blinked a few times before realizing I was still on the couch, I went to stand, but there was an arm around me, that wrapped tighter when I moved.

Billy.

I froze, realizing I had carelessly fallen asleep in the arms of Billy. He groaned from my previous motion, and snuggled me tighter, as to keep me fleshed up against him.

My face was on fire, and as much as I'd like to stay here snuggling. Now that I was up, I had to piss so bad I was going to explode if didn't.

I tried my best to get out of his grasp, but he instinctively held on like how a child holds onto their favorite teddy bear.

"Billy. I need to get up," I said softly while nudging him arm.

He groaned and when I looked back at him, he was shaking his head no.

'Goddamn how is that even when he's asleep, he's still a selfish bastard.' I thought to myself.

I grabbed one of the couch pillows that fell onto the floor and held it to my chest. With my free, I began to lift Billy's arm up from my side.

When I finally had it up enough for me to get through, I quickly got up and replaced myself with the pillow.

When I got back, the lamps had been turned on, and Billy looked to me while standing before an open fridge.

"You know you woke me up the second you started moving me around yeah?" he said half asleep still.

"I had to piss and you wouldn't let me up. What was I supposed to do?," I answered. He didn't respond, only to pull out some cookies from the fridge.

"You keep cookies in the fridge?"

"They taste better cold," he said ripping apart the packaging.

I lifted myself to sit on top of the counter, next to him. I dipped my hand down to steal a cookie, so I could test his opinion out for myself. We both munched in silence as I formed my own opinion.

"Nope, tastes exactly the same," I said.

"That's cause your opinion is shit," he said still with a mouth full of cookie.

"Ha, no. Your opinion is shit, have you seen the type of women you've slept with?" I asked jokingly.

"What's that say about you then?"

"Well I haven't slept with you."

"Not yet, but your curiosity will get the better of you soon enough," he said smiling

I ruffled his bed head, "You wish."

He stood in front of me, trapping me in his arms as he placed them on the counter space on both sides of me, "What's stopping you?"

I laughed, "You're joking right?"

"Afraid not babe."

I rolled my eyes, "You do realize that the only reason you know I even exist is because I turned you down after you tried to get in my pants at some stupid party? You got all handsy with me then too."

"I touched your waist, big deal."

"That's besides the point! The point is, Billy, is that if I sleep with you, you win," I huffed.

He smirked as he leaned in closer to my face, "So that means you want to, but just won't let yourself? All because, what? I'll win?"

I blushed, "Wha? No. Did you not hear me at all?"

He forced me to look at him in the eyes by tugging at my chin, "I heard you, but I can also tell that your lying."

"I'm not lying Billy." I said with butterflies in my stomach.

"C'mon cut the shit y/n.", he said with his typical devilish grin.

If my blush wasn't noticeable before, it for sure was now.

He leaned closer to my ear and whispered, "You didn't think I'd notice how you cling onto me when I touch you, did you sweetheart?"

He ran his hand up my thigh stopping just before the edge of the silky sleep shorts he bought for me. He gave my thigh a good squeeze occasionally as he explored the surface.

It was true that his touch always sent thrills all through me, but that doesn't change how I feel on the inside. This only started, because all I was to him was another plus one to his body count.

"The only reason we talk now, is because we're friends. I know that you only wanted me for sex though when this all started, I'm not stupid." I said in a somewhat of a pouting tone, "Why would I sleep with you?"

He paused and let my chin go, "At the party, yeah, I did just want you, you looked fucking amazing," he got a sincere look on his face, "I also told you the next day how you intrigued me. You stood up to me, and I liked that a lot."

"Just because you tell me that I sexually intrigue you doesn't change anything about this, Billy."

"You got my respect then, y/n," he said, "I think your fucking sexy of course, but I liked the way you carried yourself that night. It's way different than any other bitch I've met here."

Had my whole problem really turn out to be a complete misunderstanding?

"How am I supposed to know you were being sincere then? You forced me to kiss you and coerced me into being your fake girlfriend. That's a lot of mixed signals don't you think?"

He hung his head and smiled, "y/n, I'm good enough to get anyone I want.", he said proudly admitting his ego, "but even after you ignored me, everyday, I stayed. Your the only one here in this hick town to ever earn my respect."

I felt my breath crawling its way out of my body with every word he spoke. This was not the Billy I came to know at first. This was the Billy who could finally let his guard down around me.

Though his attitude was awful and his ego was still raging, I finally could see him as a loving partner.

"Just forget it," he said backing off.

"Billy," I said grabbing his hand on my thigh before it could fully leave.

"Did you only threaten me into pretending as your girlfriend, just so you could . . . get to know me?"

"That sounds pretty fucked when you word it like that y/n."

"Yeah well that's what happened you dick, don't avoid the question."

He laughed in a nervous kind of way, "You intrigue me in all ways sweetheart, so yeah, don't get a big fucking head about it."

I was red all over.

I laughed at how he could say something so sweet, but still act like a dick at the same time. It was just the way he was, and it's what I fell for in him.

I pulled his hand to rest up on my waist before I gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"I guess you've got my interest too," I said softly, "It's not every day a guy admits he enjoys his time around me."

"Told you I was nice."

"Well, at least now you are."

I looked into his eyes, realizing he was coming in for another kiss. I snickered as I turned my head away, making him kiss my cheek instead. "I didn't give you permission for that," I said.

"Good thing I don't need it," he said as he picked me up off the counter.

"Hey! What the hell Billy?"

"I'll just take what I want, if you won't give it too me, babe," He held me with one hand so he could give a nice tap to my ass, "I'll get you begging for it, in no time."

We got into the bedroom and he didn't even bother flipping on the lights. There was still plenty enough shining in from the living room.

He threw me on the bed before pinning me down with his hands, ramming his lips into mine instantly. I tried to push against him, but it only made him force me down even harder.

Unlike last time I was pinned to a bed by Billy, I was kissing back. I couldn't resist this any longer, but the realization of that only made me angrier to be proving him right. My anger fueled the kiss even more, only adding more steam to the fire happening around us.

He freed up one of his hands to aggressively explore my body. He let his hand travel across my torso letting it rest on my ribcage for a moment. It didn't take him long to discover there was nothing being worn underneath the shirt.

"Well what do we have here?" he said breaking away from the kiss.

I blushed and turned my head away, I was in so much shock I could barely speak, "Mine- It was- The lake- It got wet." I fumbled with my words, but it still got the message across. He laughed, menacingly, before slamming his lip back onto mine.

He started exploring the new discovery, but held himself back from going over the top. He was toying with me. Teasing me.

I put my newly free hand on his cheek so I would have a deeper grasp on the kiss. I tried to move from his cheek down to his chest, so I could do my own exploring, but at the touch of his collarbone he stopped, breaking our kiss.

I hated the feeling of the cold air on my lips when he moved away, but I hated it even more that I was actually pouting about it.

"Beg me," he said

I shook my head no out of stubbornness, so he gave my thigh a good hard love tap. I let out a whimper due to the sheer unexpected force that came to me.

"Say it y/n."

"I can't- I can't." I said hiding my face with my free hand.

"Why not sweetheart?" he whispered. I stayed silent and simply held onto his wrist that pinned down my other hand.

I couldn't think straight due to all the emotions I was feeling. I was nervous, excited, and my whole body burned with lust.

I was to embarrassed to speak, but I couldn't deny the fact that I liked what was happening between us. I wondered frequently how he would be in bed, since he was always the one to bring it up. In all that time I thought about this, I never expected that I would be left so speechless.

Even in the dim light, I caught a glimpse of his cocky smile, before he flipped me over onto my stomach.

I attempted to lift my face from the bed, but he shoved it back down into the fluffy comforter with his hand.

"If you aren't going to use your mouth to talk then you don't need it at all," he said after giving me another spank to my ass. The sound echoed off the walls, luckily covering the squeal I made. "I'll just let the rest of you speak for itself."

With no struggle from my part, he lifted my shirt, exposing my whole back to him.

I tightly grasped onto the blankets as he kissed down my back, but it wasn't long till his lips got bored and he made his way further down to my shorts.

After removing those pretty quickly, he started to take off his own clothes.

"Wait- Wait, Billy," I said lifting myself weakly from the bed.

If it wasn't the sight of his bare upper body that made me blush, it was for sure going to be what I had to say, "I'm- I-"

He flipped me around the rest of the way, back onto my back. He leaned over me, letting a hand rest on my face while using the other to balance himself. "You know you talked all that shit, but you can't even speak right now. Slow down so I can understand you."

I took a deep breathe and looked at him, "I'm not on any pill," I managed out.

He laughed, "That's what your worried about right now?"

"I think it's a perfectly good thing to be worried about right now, so yes," I quickly blurted out.

"This isn't my first time you know, now I can't say the same for you, but-"

"This isn't my first time either, thank you," I interrupted.

He raised a brow, "Oh really? With how nervous you are, and how defiant you've been. I figured it was."

"No, I- This isn't new for me. Just how you are is new for me." I said speaking more quietly as I went on.

"You mean somebody with experience is new to you?" he laughed.

"I guess," I looked away, "Your very handsy."

"How could I not be? You've been keeping me waiting," I gave him a pouty stare in return.

"Careful for now, pill for next time. Ok?," he continued.

I nodded my head in agreement. I trusted him, and he's right, he does have way more experience than I have. If he says that he'll be careful, I trust him.

"Now where were we?" he said while scaling his eyes down my now exposed body.

After plenty of fore-play on both sides, he had me close to him and finally put himself into position on top of me. The embarrassment I felt from the noises I made when he started, could single handedly put me in my grave.

He completely blurred my mind after putting me through multiple rough and intense rounds.

He always kept things interesting, never letting me take it for too long in a certain position. Whether I was pressed into the bed or thrown into his lap, no matter how he was ramming into me, I held him tight.

I've never felt such an intense emotion before and quite frankly, I was addicted. I wouldn't complain when he would hastily go back in for more, even if it left me with no time to rest.

I very much so regret calling him quick at 'everything'.

He would edge me for what felt like an eternity before he would allow me to spill. He always made me wait for him, no matter how good I was feeling. I shamefully admitted how wrong I was for calling him quick, earning myself a even quicker pace at which we were going.

After hours of endless pleasure, he decided enough was enough, after seeing how utterly worn out I was. It was still dark outside, but I knew the sun would be coming up soon. I needed rest.

He pulled me in close before laying beside me on the bed. Stroking my head as I thought to myself.

Even when he wasn't ramming himself inside me, he could be so vicious and forceful, but I learned there was a reason to his extremely rude demeanor. He was only so snappy so he wouldn't ever have to confront his feelings head on.

He tries to pretend he doesn't care about anyone, but really he just wants no one to view him as weak. He was conditioned to think that way.

"How about instead of screaming matches in my car, we just do this to let out some anger," he said pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Then we'd be at this all the time," I responded rolling my eyes.

"I can shut you up again if you keep up with that attitude."

I cuddled into his chest, saying nothing in response.

"Yeah that's about what I thought," he said wrapping his arms around me.

"I thought you liked it when I stood up you," I questioned.

"Yeah, but I like it when you suck it up and just be mine as well."

"Pretend yours? Or actually yours?" I asked quietly.

He snickered, probably about how shy I was at the moment, compared to usual, "Actually mine."

"I think I'd like that too."

We both had our problems, and Billy's family life was going to for sure be a problem later, but right now I could be happy. Right now I trusted Billy.

Even though his scary and unpredictable behavior would always leave me feeling uncertain, but he's now showed me multiple times that he can normally handle things, even if its still in his own snarky matter. He showed me that I didn't have to ask him to change, that he would just do it on his own for my sake.

The weekend flew by after a days full of more intense times in bed, cooking meals together, talking about where'd we like to get jobs at for the upcoming summer, and working out with one another. He went out of his way to create a personal routine for me, so I wouldn't feel left out. I didn't expect to feel sad when it was time to head home, but I was.

It felt like Billy and I were already living our life together.

We completed our final task of packing all the leftover food into the trunk of his car, and now it was time to leave. I wistfully watched the cabin disappear from view as we drove away and began our journey of heading back to civilization.

When this started between us in the theater of Hawkins High, I was not in love with Billy Hargrove. In fact I thought he was a total dickhead. I'm not wrong though, he totally was.

Despite it, he made me feel alive. I had to tell myself, I can't fall in love with Billy Hargrove.

I laid awake at night, in my own bed, hoping I wasn't going to fall, because why would any person fall for such a self centered man.

What we had was beyond my control. I would yell out screams of frustrations till I would wake up the next day, unable to speak. I wanted to control my feelings, and I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't.

Even though I wanted to hate him, I always knew we were much more than just pretend. I knew I would inevitably fall, so once I embraced it, everything changed.

He opened himself up and I was able to see the true Billy. He was unpredictable and inconsiderate at times, sure, but he always cared for me in his own bitchy way.

He went out of his way to check up on me even if it was in a snarky tone. It was just who Billy was, and I finally understood that. I finally felt like I would be safe to care for him as well.

I can't believe I'd ever actually admit it, but I fell in love with Billy fucking Hargrove. It was clear that I was his, and he was mine.

No matter what we would have to go through, we would be each other's future.

#stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove smut #stranger things smut #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #billy hargrove fanfiction

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dlea203 · 2 years ago

Text

5 years - Hannix AU

A/N: Hey there :)

I know I've been MIA for over a month regarding this story... I'm terribly sorry and the only (lame) explanation there is, is: real life :( Uni has started back up and I'm still figuring that out, plus I've had a massive writer's block... not very funny, but I'm certain that I don't have to tell you that ;)

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and everyone out there who's taken the time to read chapter one and has left a like or a comment. Keep those comments coming and don't hesitate to reblog and tell me if you have requests regarding this story or if you want me to write something else for our lovely Hannix couple.

Here's chapter two!

Taglist: @sweetwhispersofchaos

Warnings: fluff (lots of that :)) and angst

Previous chapter / Next chapter

Chapter Two

“How… but… I don’t understand. We were told you crashed”, Rooster stammered, running a hand through his hair.

Natasha still didn’t dare to move. All her prayers had just come true, but she couldn’t quite believe it. She feared that her mind might be playing tricks on her and that he wasn’t really there.

“I did crash”, Jake answered half-heartedly.

He didn’t really want to offer any explanations right now. It was a long story, a very long story, that required quite some liquid courage to bear telling it.

“But… How is it possible that you’re alive? They told us that there’s no chance...”

“It’s a long story, Bradshaw.”

He wanted to turn to Natasha and ask her whether she’d mind if he gave her a hug, because he craved to touch her, but he was cut off by another familiar voice.

“Delilah, Ally, stop! Careful, there’s shards everywhere!”

Shannon.

Two identical little girls came into view behind Rooster. Both girls had brown hair and wore matching outfits. They giggled, one tugged on Rooster’s sleeve and the other on Natasha’s dress but they turned silent the minute they laid eyes on Jake. The one next to Natasha cocked her head to the side and eyed him closely. The other one was shyer, seeking cover behind Rooster’s legs.

“I swear to God, one day you’re gonna give me a heart attack fr-… Oh!”

Shannon stumbled backwards and grabbed a hold of the wall next to her. Her face showed the very definition of shock.

“Jake?! What on earth are you doing here?!”

“I’m coming home. Well, I’m trying to, but somehow I’m not getting much further than the front porch”, he weakly tried to joke.

But Shannon’s face broke into a smile. It really was him; she recognized his humor immediately. She carefully squeezed past Rooster and Natasha and reached out.

“Can I give you a hug?”

Jake smiled happily and wrapped his arms around her.

“It’s good to see you, Shannon”, he whispered into her hair.

“So, God has received my prayers after all”, she murmured and softly stroked his back before pulling away.

“I assume, those two troublemakers are the twins”, he commented and pointed at the little girls.

“Yeah. The one hiding behind Bradley is Ally and this little rascal is Delilah”, Shannon answered and picked Delilah up.

Jake grinned at her and gently stroked her cheek with his index finger.

“Last time I saw them was on an ultrasound picture.”

Shannon nodded and bumped Delilah’s nose with her own.

“They’ve grown quite a bit since then. Causing trouble wherever they go and making their parents go insane. But we wouldn’t want to have it any other way.”

Jake nodded and switched his gaze over to the rest in the hallway. None of them had moved, they were simply observing the situation. And since Natasha still seemed a bit overwhelmed by everything, he decided to finally introduce himself to the blonde woman next to her.

“I think we haven’t met before. I’m Jake”, he began and offered his hand.

“Sandy Rollins”, she replied and shook his hand.

Jake was glad that she didn’t push for who exactly he was. He’d need a lot more than a few beers to explain everything and he really didn’t feel like doing that now.

“Are you a San Diego native, Sandy?”, he asked instead, as casually as possible.

“No”, she laughed and shook her head, “I was born in Nashville, but we moved a lot while I grew up. My dad worked for a company with many international locations. So basically, the world is my home. Makes doing my job a lot easier.”

“And what’s your job, if I’m allowed to ask?”

“I’m a flight attendant.”

“Yeah, I figured. Gotta somehow be involved with flying if you’re friends with this group of people.”

He motioned to Rooster and Natasha, smiling kindly.

“That’s true. Met my husband Bob that way.”

Jake did a double take on that.

“You’re Bob’s wife? Bob as in Robert Floyd?”

Sandy nodded.

“How long have you been married?”

“Three years as of a week ago. Happiest three years of my life”, Sandy beamed and showed him her golden wedding band.

“Wow, congratulations, I guess… I mean, technically I’m three years late but…”

“Oh, thank you and don’t worry about it. It’s not like we made a big deal out of it. Anyway, you should come in and say hello to the others. The guys just about fired up the grill. Come on.”

Sandy gently pulled him through the door and closed it behind him. That seemed to snap Natasha out of her trance, because she suddenly spun on her heel and headed for the laundry room down the hall. Jake all but wanted to follow her, but he wasn’t sure whether she’d want that, so he let Sandy drag him into the living room instead.

“Holy shit!” (Payback)

“Good Lord?!” (Jessica)

“What the hell?!” (Fanboy)

“Hangman?! Is that you?!” (Bob)

Payback, Fanboy, Jessica and Bob looked like they’d seen a ghost. They stood frozen in place and stared at him, speechless.

“Hi guys. Missed you too”, Jake laughed.

“This is a joke, right?”

Jake’s smile widened as he saw who’d just entered the living room through the patio door.

“Tell me that this isn’t real. That I’m making this up. That that’s not my best friend standing there in the living room”, Coyote rambled as he slowly stepped closer.

“Missed you, wingman”, Jake said and fought back the tears burning in his eyes.

“Where the hell have you been?!”, Coyote exclaimed and pushed at Jake’s chest before wrapping his arms tightly around him.

The rest of the dagger squad and their significant others watched with tears in their eyes and dopey smiles on their faces how the two best friends hugged each other tight.

“It’s been five years man”, Coyote stated as he pulled away.

“I know.”

“Five years of believing that you died over there. What the hell happened?”

“It’s a…”, Jake cut himself off when he saw Liz entering the house through the patio door.

Her expression changed from confusion and shock to a wide smile within record time before she turned back to the door and shouted into the garden: “Lynn, there’s someone here for you!”

Jake’s heart did a somersault. But he didn’t have time to panic. Footsteps and laughter sounded from the patio stairs, nearing quickly. When Liz stepped aside a blond little girl came into view, dashing into the living room. She came to a stop beside Liz and looked at her expectantly.

“Who is it?”

Liz pointed in Jake’s direction, still smiling from ear to ear. The little girl turned her head and looked straight at Jake. Green eyes on green eyes, for the first time since five years.

Jake’s jaw dropped, tears collecting in his eyes once again. His heart sped up and threatened to jump out of his chest. His fingers ached to reach out to touch her, just like they had when he’d wanted to touch her mother minutes before. She’d grown since he’d last seen her, grown into the most beautiful little girl he’d ever laid eyes on.

His little girl.

50% of the reason he’d fought for his life every day for the past five years. The other 50% had just disappeared down the hallway.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. Did his little girl know who he was? What had Natasha told her about him? Did she even tell her about him? His heart sank at the possibility, that he was a stranger to his own daughter. But he would never blame Natasha for not telling Lynn about him. He knew that all she ever wanted was to protect their daughter, hell, he himself wanted nothing else. It would break his heart, but he’d never blame Natasha for keeping Lynn safe from any pain. Even if that meant he’d have to take small steps with his baby girl. When he wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and never let go again…

“Daddy?”, she asked, confusion written across her face.

His heart skipped a beat. She did know. All his worries were lifted off his shoulders and were replaced by pure happiness and relief.

“Hi princess”, he breathed out, falling to his knees, a tear slipping down his left cheek.

A wide smile replaced the confused expression on her face, but she looked at Liz once more, insecurely twisting the hem of her dress.

“Don’t you wanna give your daddy a hug?”, Liz asked softly, running a hand over her head.

At that, Lynn took off, running into his waiting arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and burying her face there too. Jake caught her and stood up, swinging her around, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.

God, had he missed his little princess.

The others felt their hearts swell at the scene in front of them. Payback wrapped an arm around his wife’s shoulders, shaking his head at what he saw. Shannon leaned into him, gently squeezing Delilah’s shoulder, who stood in front of her, holding her twin sister’s hand. Coyote walked over to his wife and wrapped his arms around her from behind. Liz leaned back into his chest, smiling fondly. Bob had his left arm wrapped around Sandy’s waist and shared a happy smile with her. Fanboy and Jessica stood behind the kitchen island, watching with wide smiles on their faces. Jessica even wiped away a few tears. Rooster leaned against the bookshelf behind Jake, squeezing Emma against his side, kissing her temple.

The rest of the kids had all gathered at the patio door, observing the scene. Hailey, Jaylen, and Sam smiled; they were the only ones of the kids who had an idea of what was going on. Hailey held three-year-old Sophie Carolin Bradshaw on her hip, smiling at the confusion on her face. Sophie had no idea what was happening since she didn’t even know who Jake was. Same goes for two-year-old Cara Alicia Garcia, who was standing in between Marco and Enrique, holding hands with each of her brothers. Nick was a tiny bit confused about his best friend hugging a stranger, because they were repeatedly told by their parents to not engage with strangers unless mom and dad are doing so too. But he figured that it was okay since his parents stood right next to Lynn and the stranger. Nick glanced around the room. His uncles and aunts were all smiling and grinning, pure happiness radiating off them. When his gaze landed on his auntie Nat though, he frowned. She looked upset but no one seemed to notice. But Nick chose to keep quiet. He was sure that someone would explain eventually…

Natasha stood in the hallway between the front door and the living room, trying in vain to wipe away her tears as she watched her two favorite humans being reunited. After five very long years, her heart was whole again, beating rapidly beneath her ribcage.

When Lynn noticed her, she smiled brightly at her mother.

“Mommy, look who is here!”, she exclaimed.

A sob escaped Natasha’s mouth as she smiled back at her daughter and nodded.

Jake gently placed Lynn on his left hip and held out his right hand, smiling happily at his wife. Lynn reached out with her left arm.

“Come give daddy a hug, mommy”, she pleaded.

Natasha didn’t hesitate another moment. She crossed the living room and took Jake’s hand, letting him pull her into his chest. She wrapped her arms around her husband and daughter, holding on as if for dear life. Jake pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, inhaling the scent of her shampoo, reveling in the fact that he had his girls back in his arms.

Natasha buried her face in his chest, listening to his heartbeat, shamelessly letting the tears fall. She was soaking his shirt, but neither one of them could care less. Nothing mattered today, not even her pride or principles. He was breathing and his heart was beating. He was alive and home. That’s all that mattered.

“Why are you crying mommy?”, Lynn asked, worried.

Natasha raised her head and wiped away some of the tears, but fresh ones followed immediately.

“Why are you sad?”

“I’m not sad, baby. These are happy tears”, Natasha assured her and gently caressed her daughter’s cheek.

But Lynn frowned, not fully convinced yet.

“I’m so happy, baby, I swear. I’m so happy that daddy is home.”

Natasha looked up at Jake, beaming. Jake’s heart skipped another beat. Slowly, he leaned forward and finally captured her lips in a kiss. And that was the moment when their whole world shifted back into place. As if someone had collected all the pieces of a broken vase and put them back together correctly.Finally, everything was the way it always was supposed to be.

-*-*-

Thanksgiving, 4 years ago…

Her phone rang, but Natasha tried to ignore it. It was just past nine o’clock in the morning and she lay in her bed, gently rubbing her left hand across Lynn’s stomach. Lynn lay beside her, sleeping peacefully, clutching her fluffy white sheep tightly in her hands.

Lynn hadn’t been able to find sleep for quite some time last night. Natasha had tried every trick she knew, but nothing had worked. Eventually, she’d put her down in her bed, holding her tight to her chest. Around midnight they’d both finally fallen asleep.

The ringing of her phone didn’t stop and when Lynn started to stir, Natasha grabbed it and accepted the call.

“Hello?”

“Nat, sweetheart?”, Emma asked on the other end.

“Why for God’s sake are you calling me at nine o’clock on Thanksgiving?”, Natasha snapped and regretted it immediately.

She wasn’t mad at Emma, and it was unfair to treat her like this, but today wasn’t a good day. Today marked one year. One year without him…

But Emma didn’t act on Natasha’s harsh tone, just sighing softly. She knew better than anyone else what her friend had gone through this past year, spending countless nights on the phone with her. Listening to Natasha crying, because she refused to cry when they were physically hanging out. Always putting up a brave face, arguing that Lynn needed her on the top of her game.

“I’m calling, because I know that you’re not up yet and I want to make sure you leave the bed.”

“I can’t”, Natasha whispered, her eyes welling up with tears.

“Honey, I know today is a tough day, but you gotta get up. You can’t stay in bed all day. Jake wouldn’t want that.”

“He has no say anymore!”

Emma sighed.

“Do I have to get up there and drag you out of bed?”

Natasha frowned.

“What?”

“I’m on your front porch. Bradley is running to the store with Nick to buy breakfast. Can you come down and let me in? I’ll help you with Lynn.”

Natasha stared at her engagement ring and her wedding band, considering her next move carefully. She definitely wasn’t dressed for company and not really up for facing her friend anyway, but she knew Emma. She’d use the spare key if Natasha didn’t do what she asked her to.

“Give me two minutes.”

Emma turned around at the sound of the front door opening. Natasha looked awfully tired, dark circles under her eyes and a messy bun were treacherous signs of her horrible condition these days. She wore one of Jake’s old t-shirts and grey sweatpants.

“Hi”, she weakly offered and stepped aside.

Emma pressed her lips together and walked past her into the house. Natasha softly closed the door and followed Emma into the kitchen. Natasha sat on one of the barstools, slumped over the counter, burying her face in her hands. Emma just got the coffee brewing when she heard a quiet sob from the kitchen island. She spun around and walked up to her friend, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek, and pulling her into her arms. Natasha kept her face hidden in her hands, but she leaned into Emma’s embrace.

“I’m sorry”, Natasha choked out, her words muffled by her hands.

“Oh Nat… You’re so strong all the time, sweetheart. It’s okay to let go from time to time. Especially today. Don’t ever apologize for struggling with the hell you have to go through.”

Natasha hiccupped and winced.

“But it’s been one year…”

“Dear”, Emma sighed, gently grabbed Natasha’s wrists, and made her look up.

“It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. Losing your better half is never easy and it will never be easy. Whether it’s been a year, three years, or ten years, it always hurts. The pain will always be there, it just fades. You learn to live with it.”

“What if I don’t?”

“You will. You know why?”

Natasha shook her head.

“Because you’ve got us. Shannon, Jessica, Liz, and me for starters. Bradley and the guys, Mav and Penny… You’ve got half a football team!”

Natasha snorted and Emma chuckled.

“We’re all here for you, whether you like it or not. And we’re going to help you get through this. You’re not alone. And remember, we have lost him too.”

Natasha nodded and watched Emma pour coffee into two mugs. She put one in front of Natasha and sat down next to her. It was quiet for a few minutes, both of them lost in their thoughts. Emma was the first to break the silence.

“Sometimes, when Nick finally sleeps, Bradley and I talk about him. About, what he’s done for us and what he meant to us…”

Natasha took a sip from her mug and listened attentively.

“Bradley always laughs at how much their relationship has changed. From hating each other to accepting each other to genuine friendship. And all of that over the course of a year… Bradley sometimes can’t believe it, but he’s glad that they got it together. I think all of us are.”

They chuckled.

“He misses him, more than he likes to admit. He tries to hide it, but I know where he goes when he heads out alone. I don’t mistrust my husband, but I followed him once. He spent an hour at Jake’s grave, talking to him, telling him about our life, about you and Lynn. He’d even bought some fresh flowers… He does that every once in a while. I think, it’s like therapy for him. Jake’s death hit him harder than he expected, so I’m glad he’s found a way to cope with it. Then, at least one of us does…”

Emma swallowed hard and looked at Natasha, tears glistening in her eyes.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t say that. I shouldn’t struggle as much as I do, Jake’s not my husband after all.”

Natasha laid her hand on Emma’s arm.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to hold back because of me. Like you said, I’m not the only one who’s lost him.”

They spent a few more minutes in silence, emptying their mugs. Emma rinsed them while Natasha walked up to her room, gently waking Lynn up.

“Baby, it’s time to wake up”, she said softly while gently ruffling Lynn’s hair.

Lynn stirred and looked at her mother with sleepy eyes.

“Come on, Aunt Emma is here for breakfast. Uncle Bradley and Nick are coming too. Let’s get dressed, okay?”

Lynn nodded and let her mother dress her without fussing. When Lynn was ready, Natasha carried her down into the living room, where Emma was absentmindedly flipping through the pages of a magazine. At the sound of footsteps on the stairs, she looked up and her face lit up, when she saw Lynn.

“Hey Lynn, how are you, sweetie?”

Lynn smiled at Emma, reaching for her. Emma took her from Natasha, bouncing her up and down on her hip.

“I’ve got her, go get dressed.”

Natasha nodded and returned to her room. She picked out a comfortable sweater and her favorite pair of jeans. After a quick glance into the mirror, she opened her drawer and took out her jewelry box. Natasha didn’t own much jewelry, but she was very proud of every piece in that box. Carefully, she took out the white gold earrings her parents had given her when she’d graduated from high school and put them on. Then, her gaze fell on a silver bracelet, partly hidden beneath a set of rings and necklaces. She sucked in a breath and took it out, holding it in front of her. A small Eiffel tower dangled from the chain, alongside a heart with a tiny violet precious stone and a feather. Jake had given it to her for their first Christmas as husband and wife, alongside two plane tickets to Paris. They’d had a week off, thanks to a friend of Jake, who worked in administration. It has been one of her most beautiful holidays to this day.

After hesitating for a few moments, she put it around her right wrist, brushing the Eiffel tower with her index finger. Then, she stowed the box away in her drawer and returned downstairs, joining Emma, Lynn, Bradley and Nick at the table.

They fell into an easy conversation, making plans for an afternoon walk and a coffee date at their favorite coffee shop in town. Midway through breakfast, Penny had called Bradley, inviting all of them to dinner at her and Maverick’s. Natasha wanted to decline but Penny insisted she come.

And when she sat at Penny’s table in the evening and saw the happy faces around her, her lips curved up into a small smile. She thought she could never enjoy thanksgiving again, but her friends let her forget for the moment that he was no longer among them. And for that she was infinitely grateful.

#hannix #hangman x phoenix #jake hangman seresin #natasha phoenix trace #top gun maverick #writing #fanfiction

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spnfanficpond · 4 years ago

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Pond Diving - Imagineteamfreewill

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Meg

Age: 20s

Location: United States

URL: @imagineteamfreewill

Why did you choose your URL: I first started out structuring my stories as imagines, and the “Team Free Will” part was pretty obvious.

What inspired you to become a writer: Reading Supernatural fanfiction inspired me to get back into writing, but I’ve always enjoyed it. My mom likes to talk about how when I was in Kindergarten, I drew a picture about how I wanted to be an author and now I write in my free time.

How long have you been writing: According to tumblr, I’ve been writing fanfiction since 2014, but I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I’m a music teacher, so I sing and play piano, and I’ve played a bit of cello and tenor saxophone as well. I love movies, baking, sleeping, and a few video games.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? I joined sometime around Season 8 or 9, I think. I don’t really remember!

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I really enjoy Marvel and I’ve read a lot of Marvel fics, but I don’t write for them. I like a lot of TV shows (New Girl, Parks and Rec, The Good Place, Outlander, etc), but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the fandom.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I love to write poetry. I had a poetry blog at truenorth-ink a while ago, but I haven’t updated it recently at all. Most of my poems aren’t published or posted anywhere.

Favorite published author: I love some of the early series by Rick Riordan and I also really enjoy poetry by Nikita Gill and Atticus. Lately, I've really been getting into Leigh Bardugo's books.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: I think "East" by Edith Pattou really affected me! I read it when I was in 6th-8th grade and I think about it often. I think it's something that really stuck with me and got me interested in fantasy books so much. I read it at least once a year.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I love angsty stuff, and most of the time I prefer it when it has some fluff mixed in. Straight fluff is often hard for me to read because I need something that’s more realistic for my own life and point of view. I also really like whump, but that can be a lot sometimes so it depends on my mood.

Favorite piece of your own writing: I don’t know if I have a favorite, but I loved writing Back to the Start (my mermaid series) and The Switch (a canon-divergent apocalyptic Reader x Sam series). Right now, I'm really enjoying my Consort series (a Goddess!Reader x Dean series). Creating my own rules in my own little universes is one of my favorite things to do, especially since I can’t always do whatever I want in real life.

Most underrated fic you have written: Empire. I loved getting to write Boyking!Sam because it was so different from my normal Sam stories and I did a lot of research for it. I’m pretty proud that the story never got too bloody or gory, too, so if you want some Boyking!Sam that’s not drenched in blood (for lack of a better term), I’m your girl!

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Probably Back to the Start or The Switch. I think those two series would be amazing to see with J2, the rest of the cast/characters I included, and special effects! There’s so much I’d want to explore with both of them that I didn’t put into the series.

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @sunlightdances, @supernaturalfreewill, @lipstickandwhiskey, @smol-and-grumpy, @percywinchester27, and @kaz2y5-imagines

Favorite fic from another writer: I don’t think I could pick just one, but I’ve read all of @sunlightdances Dean fics multiple times. Her works got me through some pretty sucky times in my life and I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of her writing! I’ve also been reading her Bucky fics recently and it’s made me love Marvel fics even more than before!

Favorite character to write: Sam Winchester

Favorite Pairing to write: Reader x Sam (Reader x Dean is a close second)

Least favorite character to write (and why): I don’t like to write for Crowley or Gabriel. Gadreel is hard for me even though I can do it, but I don’t understand Crowley or Gabriel’s personalities at all because they’re literally so far away from mine.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? No, although @lipstickandwhiskey and @kaz2y5-imagines really encouraged me in my writing!

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I would love to write a non-Supernatural work of fiction to publish, but that’s a long way off.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Oh Lord, I have so many! I have at least four series and two one shots in the works right now. I've also got over 100 one shots/series plotlines written out in the notes on my phone and various Google Docs.

What are you currently working on? I’m currently working on a Cinderella series, my Underworld series, my Puer Rex series, my Consort series, an Author!Sam fic, and an Author!Dean fic. I also write stories for my Words series now and again.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Reading other people’s work. The intense storylines of @luci-in-trenchcoats ’s fics have gotten me to be more bold with my writing and the emotions and description in @supernaturalfreewill’s works have inspired me to let my work have more feeling.

Best writing advice you've been given: Not necessarily writing advice, but I was once told that anything worth doing is worth doing at least a little bit every day. Think about it—if you wrote even just five minutes a day, how much better will you get over the course of a month? A year?

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Repetition of words and commas. So many commas and so many uses of the same word over and over again. It’s a hard balance between using the word and using synonyms without sounding like I’m sitting there googling synonyms for “said”. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things that I think are super important but aren’t really important in the long run. I’m wordy as hell and my writing would be dull if I didn’t edit it as thoroughly as I do.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? A lot of times I have these ideas that I think would make a great series but I don’t think through them, so planning out the plot of a series (or even a standalone fic) beforehand is something I struggle with.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I would love to write more fics that have the characters dealing with severe mental disorders or that take place in a mental hospital, but I’m afraid that I’ll portray something wrong and solidify harmful stereotypes about what it’s like to deal with those things.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Honestly, just wanting to write things that I enjoy. Sometimes I get sick of reading other peoples’ stuff since it’s not exactly what I want, so I just write my own!

How do you deal with self doubt: Understand that sometimes it happens. You’ll doubt yourself—everybody does. If I’m doubting myself or my writing, I’ll take a break until I remember why I write. Then I’ll remember that yeah, writing for an audience is fun, but I write because I have cool ideas I want to explore, not because I need the attention or love of strangers. Lastly, I’ll reread my old fics, especially the ones I love, and then I’ll go back and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. That way I can see how I’ve improved and I don’t feel so terrible anymore! Reading my own fics is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, and I’ll read through my masterlists every once a while just to remind myself of the things I’ve loved, where I’ve been, and where I’m going.

How do you deal with writer's block: Like I said, I reread old fics and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. Seeing the things I’ve done before always helps to focus me. I’ll also read other people’s stuff or talk about headcanons with some friends to try and find some inspiration.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Lately I have been, but only because my periods of intense inspiration and productivity are getting farther and farther apart because of my job. I’ve found planning it out to be more and more helpful, especially for my series. A lot of times if I get a great idea, I’ll outline the whole plot or any significant details I want to put in that one shot/series so that I can come back to it whenever I have the time or I’m inspired for it again.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I write best in places that are unfamiliar to me or in places/times where I shouldn’t be writing. Class? Writing. Airport terminal? Writing. 4am when I have to be up at 6? Writing.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? Not that I remember! I feel like there’s probably been one or two over the years, but I probably just got upset about it with my friends for a while and then got over it.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? A long time ago, when I was writing Back to the Start, I had one person who sent me asks for every single series update. I screenshotted them and saved them on my laptop. There’s one particular one where they say that they’re happier because of my writing and honestly, isn’t that what we all strive for? That people’s lives are better because of our stories? I’ve also had some pretty great friends recently who’ve made it a point to reblog and send asks/messages on all my works, which has been so meaningful that I never replied to the asks. They’re sitting in my inbox and I go through and reread them sometimes when I’m feeling down.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Write down everything. If you come up with an amazing piece of dialogue, even if it’s just one sentence or one person talking, or if you come up with something you’d think would be a great title… WRITE IT DOWN. It doesn’t matter if it fits into whatever you’re currently writing or not, it’ll come in handy! I don’t know how many times I’ve gone through my idea list and found really obscure lines/titles/inspiration that didn’t make sense when I wrote them down, but are now exactly what I need to finish a fic. Even if you don’t end up using it, jotting down your ideas is still writing, and that’s good practice!

#pond diving #spnfanficpond

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