#but yea. anyway. i was emotionally unavailable so he had to go

[gojoest]

one tiny part of me wants to go back to tinder for the giggles

[nexyra]

RWBY's Love Language - Part 2

Hello friend ! I'm back at it with a second part and whatever character I can think of ! (Among which best boy Oscar because he deserves it, and also more adults)

Let's go !

***

Oscar Pine

So ! While I love Oscar with my whole heart, honestly guessing his Love Language is no easy feat. One thing for sure : touch isn't is thing even if it's how everyone else chose to communicate their love.

I saw a post a while back detailing how Oscar is always putting his hands up as a barrier when he's scared or uncomfortable and that makes me cry a little instead but it's true TT. Anyway...

In the latest volumes we've got quite a bit of comforting Oscar-talks but I have to wonder how much of that is due to Ozpin's influence really. As a result I've decided to settle on... Acts of Service or Quality Time ! This is based on a few details : when people are upset with him in one shape or form, Oscar was always very eager to prove himself useful, give some aspect of concrete help (such as cooking a Casserole, ringing any bell ?). Plus I imagine that's the exact brand of help his Aunt would have needed most on a farm. Added to that, he always seems fairly happy to be included, be with the others no matter what's going on. Training ? Yay ! A movie with Jaune & Weiss ? Smiling puppy look. Fancy party ? Shenanigans together ! So yea, I love seeing my boy loved and hugged but please everyone settle for the loving he's most comfortable with <3

“She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I thought you guys would appreciate a hot meal after... spending all day looking for me, apparently.”

“No, it's okay. These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Ozpin

For our favorite immortal wizard aka not quite dead Headmaster... I think the answer is rather obvious. When you're so careful with your words, but also so fiercely devoted to humanity, Words of Affirmation is a must. Ozpin constantly does his best to calm, to reassure. He's good at controlling the conversation and getting people where he wants... Except he more often than not use it to make them think and help them reach an healing ore motivating conclusion. This man is so insisten on giving and cultivating hope, so painfully aware of just how much words can change... There's no doubt in my mind that it's through these very same words that he tries to fight the darkness in others' mind, even when they don't want to let themselves be persuaded. And with some help from the farmboi, Ozpin is gaining in honesty and earnestness. And that can only help in giving comfort.

But to be honest... If you offer him a hug I doubt he'd refuse, and he definitely deserves one. Also therapy. For Oscar too. Everyone in therapy 2k21.

“Ruby. I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them. Do you?”

“It's not every day that friends are able to come together like this. Time has a way of testing our bonds, but it's nights like these that can help keep them stronger than ever. Nights like these are ones we'll never forget.”

“Don't worry, Mr. Arc. Your journey is far from over, and the same might be said for all of you. Unlocking your Semblance isn't the end. It can still grow and evolve. Providing you are willing to put in the work, who knows what could happen?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Emerald Sustrai

Now here I'm gonna go ahead and say that the way Emerald has been taught to express her love and the way SHE would rather preffered to be loved most likely do not align. At the side of someone like Cinder, and even Mercury who isn't exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person; the only brand of love that gets an easy pass is Acts of Service, and that's probably what Emerald is the most used to. I can go on a mission with you. I can help. We go right back to the "I can be useful" mentality and I'm not sure she's been shown any other way honestly. Let's be real though : if someone offered a hug or some gentle words ? She'd probably pout & fuss but I hardly doubt she'd object.

“I don't care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything. You want to fight her that bad? Be my guest.”

“I just... Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things... But without her here, I don't know if what we're doing--”

“I've been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won't tell anybody.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Pyrrha Nikos

What's with everyone and dedicating their whole love toward just helping their teammates anyway they can ?! Stop ! But any way, you guessed it. I'm pretty sure one of Pyrrha's top way of showing love is Acts of Service, and nothing means quite as much to her as Quality Time. For someone who's been put on a pedestal and has a hard time relating to people; both touch and words can be a bit awkward. But if they're wrapped up neatly in a training session or semblance explanations ? Well that's already a more familiar area. Pyrrha gives her whole to her friends and those she cares about. And in exchange, if anyone can simply... be there and spend time with her... May it be at the ball or simply sitting in the courtyard... I'm sure our girl would be delighted.

“Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask.”

“I'm constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you're placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. But thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime.”

“I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Qrow Branwen

If I say Gift Giving for the corvid, is someone gonna hit me ? Come on it's fun ! Okay, more seriously... I think this kind of love conversation is kind of a necessity for Qrow. With a semblance such as Bad Luck, making everything complicated... Qrow tries to keep his distance from those he cares about. And since he's an emotionally repressed (but caring) asshole on top of it... Well that kinda narrows down his option. You know what DOESN'T put anyone at risk but can still bring smiles on their face ? GIFTS. Shiny things, souvenirs from his missions all over the world to give to 2 smol nieces. Sounds safe right ? That said, as any good emotionally unavailable character in this show, I gotta say Qrow probably has a thing for helping out and making himself useful in relation to Oz, Tai or the rest of the inner circle. So you know what that means *whisper* Acts of Service.

That said ! When it comes to receiving some love back... Qrow probably likes everything he doesn't allow himself to have. Soft touches, loving & comforting words, spending time with a friend without his semblance making everything complicated... We know that's all he wants.

“You idiot. I know you didn't do this.”

“Look, pal, I'm not sure who you are, but you need to leave my niece alone.”

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clover Ebi

And among our newbies (and gone too soon) friends we have Clover ! Clover was a very good contrast to our dusty old crow but also a great help. Kind-hearted, perceptive and honest; he knew just how to put Qrow's self-loathing in his place and push him to give himself some credit. He always had a nice word or a joke for everyone, and visibly the rock of the Ace Ops : an expert a keeping the moral up and the mood companiable. Evidently, Words of Affirmation was his expertise. Had things gone differently, I'm sure we'd have had time for many more earnest and helpful conversations with this teal-eyed fisherman.

“It's a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.”

“I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.”

“We don't have to fight, friend.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Winter Schnee

And today in the "emotionally unavailable" category we have... Winter Schnee ! TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS PEOPLE ! Just - I would say look at Ruby but even she doesn't talk about her bad vibes... Nor does any of the "Words of Affirmation" peeps. Honestly what's wrong with y'all people ? Anyway Winter cares so much. Is it hidden behind professionalism and a stern *big sister* demeanour ? Sure. But it doesn't negate just how much she loves her closed ones. She's fiercely loyal, and even if she doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her duty and doing what needs to be done, no one is allowed to say she doesn't care. Countrary to Weiss, Winter doesn't seem as good nor as aware of the love that exists in simply *being* with people. Rather, she's dutiful and ready to help any way she can when given the chance. You guessed it, yet another Acts of Service kind of love... Maybe I'm doing this wrong XD. I'm on the fence about Words of Affirmation as well. Despite her standoffish looks, Winter has always been very open & reassuring during her discussions with Penny. But she's more stern when it comes to Weiss so I dunno x)

“I don't recall asking about your ranking, I'm asking how you've been. Are you eating properly? Have you taken up any hobbies? Are you making new friends?”

“You've grown up a bit, haven't you? You're not the little girl clinging to the family name anymore.”

“You can't just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it!”

And that's it for Part 2 ! I might do some other characters if people suggest some but I don't have a pressing need to right now. I have many ideas of songs to apply to various characters however so that's prob what my next posts will consist of (or fun templates)

If anyone has tips to create RWBY gifs or links to download the eps in good quality I'll take it ! Good day everyone !

[liliumwallichianum]

how is it the end of june already

Hello I’ve had a whack-ish but great day. first i’d like to say I am so grateful for the practice of yoga but specifically ASHTANGA yoga and thank u jonny kest for spreading the love for it the way you do. i would also in another life leave my entire family and career behind to be jonah kests traveling yoga groupie bc he’s just so beautiful HAHAH KIDDING okay anyways

I would like to stop having crushes on emotionally unavailable younger men who have commitment and vulnerability troubles. aka i would like to stop having the ONE crush that I have rn/have been having for months and months and cant shake which is really annoying because I havent been this attached to the idea of being with someone since my toxic ex like TWO years ago soooo ... yea. Idk why I just like them younger I feel like they are more interesting and diverse? & this one is def way smarter? idk a lot of guys my age are so copynpasted but yea anyways I keep telling myself i’m gonna stop having this crush like every week and it fails every week and the most annoying part is that this is a mf LONG DISTANCE CRUSH so not only is “out of sight out of mind” failing me rn but being long distanced combined w the fact that he “has commitment issues” &&&&& also (i think) just wants to sleep with me is a combo for FAILURE so i will try to snap out of it asap. R’s advice was to just full send make it clear that i have this crush and put propositions out there but I think i could vomit from just thinking about it so i’m gonna go w trying to snap out of it first.. even tho i’ve been trying to do this for like 10 months but wateva at first if u dont succeed try try again amirite 

y is it so much easier to hate men and focus on myself when I’m in heartbreak mode lmfao 

[megwritesfanfiction]

The Lies We Told (Beast Boy/Raven , Chapter 7/??)

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. This is a work of fiction that I am not making a profit off of.

Author’s Note: Onward! (This turning out to be longer than I planned, but... Thems the breaks! The goal is not to rewrite this again!! 

Need to catch up? I got you fam!

Past Chapters: Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Chapter Seven: Make Believe

“I miss you.”

Rachel rolled her eyes, slouching in the cafe chair, adjusting the phone on her ear. She remembered when she found his affection endearing. She remembered it being a nice feeling knowing that someone thought she was worthy of love, and she’d worked hard to return his feelings. She had honestly tried to love him. Over the last few months, Rachel found herself being annoyed with Garth’s affection and constant attempts to be near her. She knew it was normal, in a healthy relationship, for one’s significant other to want to spend time with their partner.

“Think you’ll be able to escape the evening shift?”

Rachel had, shamefully, tried ghosting him. She figured he would eventually grow tired of having a not only having an emotionally stunted girlfriend, but a physically unavailable one.

“I could make you dinner. I could get you some of that chocolate sauce you like from the shop around the corner for dessert.”

And, give him a chance to propose? No thank you. “That sounds nice, but,” She tried forcing some warmth in her voice as her fingers played with the ceramic mug in front of her. Rachel had decided to go to her favorite cafe near her job at the library to drink lattes and engulfed in a selection of pastries. “I have to see if I can get someone to cover my shift.” She didn’t have to work evenings at the library. She typically worked the morning shift, and left her evenings open to teach yoga. Now, her evenings were for Gar.

“I’ll tell you what.” He let go of a breathy chuckle. “I’ll get the whipped cream…” His voice trailing off at the suggestion.

The extra shifts at the library gave her an excuse to avoid Garth, and then meet up with Garfield after. She honestly hadn’t heard what he said. “I’ll see what I can do.” She had to face him somehow. Rachel was impressed that she managed to avoid him for the last two months. She thanked the stars (the rising crime rate and her ability to pick up evening shifts when she pleased) that their work schedules rarely seemed to align as of late.

“Let me know.” Garth told her from his side of the phone. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She didn’t mean to say it, but it was a habit now. Rachel ended the call, sitting her cell phone face down on the table. She was determined to enjoy the latte and cheese danish in front her, and then grab a muffin or another cheese danish.

“Is anyone sitting here?”

Of course this question had to come with her mouth stuffed gluttonously with danish. She looked at the man standing next to her. Her narrows at the olive skinned man with black hair. His green eyes bore mischief as he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “Yes.” Normally, she would place a hand over her mouth to spare someone from watching her chew and talk at the same time. Instead, she stuffed another large piece of danish in her mouth. “I am.” Maybe if she kept eating, she wouldn’t fit into the bridesmaids dress she’d have to wear in a few weeks.

The man chuckled, seemingly unaffected by her attitude. “I meant in the other chair across from you. I could join for coffee.” He smirked flirtatiously, raising his coffee mug.

Rachel ignored the warm flutter in her stomach as she shoved another piece of pastry into her mouth. Keeping their gaze locked, she kicked the chair in question away from the table. “What chair?” She asked innocently. The violet haired woman was already cheating on Garth, she didn’t need to cheat on Gar as well.

He chuckled, pulling the chair she kicked back to the table and took a seat across from her. He took a sip of his coffee, setting the mug on the table.

Rachel really didn’t have time for this. She shoved a chunk of the pastry in her mouth, chewing it roughly.

“Is that anyway to treat your boyfriend?”

Violet eyes narrowed, confused. “Garfield?” She questioned, eyes going wide. It had taken her some time to adjust to the blonde hair and pale skin, but the man before her was the opposite of the image she was used to.

“Yep.” He smirked, picking up the danish and taking a large bite from it. “That’s pretty good.” He took another bite.

“You’re getting me another one.”

“You had like more than half of that one.”

“You’re getting me another one.” She snatched the pastry from him. “What are you doing here?” Her eyes scanned him over. “Looking not like you��”

“Well…” He raised his right hand, showing the holographic ring on his right hand. “This is little thing can be tweaked to alter my appearance, so I figured I’d change it for a bit so we can hang out.”

She shook her head. “I think I like you green best.” She commented.

“I prefer my green self too, but it doesn’t do much to help me blend in.”

True. They were already playing a dangerous game.

“We can spend more time together with less worry.”

“Yea, now I’m cheating on both my boyfriends with some random guy.” She teased. Rachel was ashamed to admit how easily she could joke about the situation now. “He called by the way.”

“Garth?” He questioned, taking a sip of his drink.

She nodded, picking over the last pieces of her pastry. “He wants me to make dinner.”

Green eyed widened in realization.

“Yep.” Rachel sighed. “I’m pretty sure he wants to propose to me.” She slumped down in the chair, hand resting on her forehead.

“You don’t have to go.”

“I haven’t seen him in months.” She frowned. “I don’t have much of a choice.”

Gar nodded, understanding. “We could get out of here for a couple hours. Go walk by the lake, get a hotel room,” He smirked, eyebrows raising. “Get some lunch. We could go to your favorite sushi place before you go?” He stood holding his hand out.

“I’d like that.” Standing, she smiled. Rachel picked up her jacket and took his hand. “But, you owe me another danish before we go.”

Gar laughed, squeezing he hand and placing a kiss on her knuckles. “As you wish.”

Rachel decided to enjoy this while it lasted.

[my-bobohu-blog]

personal updates before bed~

school wise... mmm... depression/anxiety/stress are still there... still very present and still... very much dealing with all of that. academic coursework and everything i can handle pretty well. there’s only a few weeks left so i’m just taking it day by day and trying to do the best i can. i’ve been pretty on top of everything so i should still end this quarter pretty well if i keep it up for a few more weeks. the d/a/s is umm... taking it’s toll? but i’m handling it a lot better... some days better than others... some days not so great. like i was really anxious today and kept shaking but i managed to get through the day so that’s always good. i took a big nap when i got home too so that was also great. and there was no homework due tonight so i didn’t do anything all day LOL. tomorrow is thursday and i’m gonna wake up early and head to school to do some review for bio since i have an exam on friday. tomorrow is just gonna be bio review then i’ll spend the weekend studying for chem since i have a quiz next week and i really need to study for chem and get all that together. mmm... i’m still on track to getting two degrees and a minor... there will probably complications on the road to getting them because i’ve just learned to expect that now from this institution because they just love fucking me over... mmm... not much i can do about that though except try my best and just enjoy learning about science when the time comes. i’m done applying to the MLS program! skogs just sent my letter of rec this morning and hopefully they’ve received it. dsjfsldjfsdf i really really really really really hope i get in because mls is literally my saving grace and my hail mary and my everything. like there’s not really a plan b? well... i kind of have a plan b. i was just gonna haul ass and finish bio in a year and just graduate with my bio degree. sdfslkdjfsldf but we will seeeeeeeeeee. ahhh... but mls is... like... my everything. literally. 

personal life... mmm... not the worst it’s been? honestly not the worst. oshian slept over yesterday and we just spent the day talking. watched hidden figures finally and got kbbq afterwards~ i told her about hai and she’s super duper convinced that he likes me and that i should make a move. she consulted her boyfriend taylor and he also agrees and i’m just like shut up all of you *blushes* but yea... i think... i really want to try... because i think... he could like me back? and... i want to try. he makes me feel happy... like... breathing is a lot easier when i’m around him... so... i want to try. and maybe he likes me and maybe he doesn’t. maybe he does but maybe he’s not ready... either way, i want to try and whatever happens- i know i want to keep him in my life whether it’s as friends or as more... so no matter what i’ll meet him where he’s at and how he’s feeling when all this comes to... we’ll seeeeeeeeee. LOL my current plan of action is to hold his hand though~ the whole “can you hold this for me?” and then just put my hand in his. i’ll just laugh and smile at it and if he keeps holding on then that’s where we’ll be. idk. it’s worth a shot i think. it makes me nervous honestly LOL i’m like trying very hard to keep my chill right now because if i get my hopes up too high then it’ll hurt all the more and i’ll end up pushing him away. DEEP SIGH. it’s alright. it’ll be okay. but anyways~ along the lines of friendships, i have oshian, hai, bb yeh, and ryan. oshian is there for me to rant with, hai listens and makes me laugh and just... leaves me in a good place, bb yeh is just my twin soul honestly, and ryan is nice enough to keep me company every once in a while. so i’m not alone and i’m learning that and it’s helped a lot.

i’m still dealing with a lot of things but... it’s... okay? like i /am/ dealing with them and it’s a lot but... bit by bit it’s okay. like even if i’ll be in school for two more years and even if i’m gonna have to haul ass... it’s all temporary? and i still have my future and i still have a lot to live for? right? so... yea... life hasn’t gotten any easier, but i’m learning how to deal with what it throws at me. i’m getting a lot better at handling the d/a/s but it’s... a work in progress. i’m a work in progress. it doesn’t go away just because i want it too. it’s there and i just deal with it in the healthiest way i can and hopefully that’s enough to get me to the next day. 

anyways... that’s where i’m at currently. i spend a lot of days just sleeping in the late afternoons. i post a lot to the other blog just because it’s soft and vulnerable there and that’s how i’ve been feeling lately. it makes me happy though. i really like it there. mmm... i miss exo a lot. i feel like i’ve been really worried about them lately... and everything just makes me nervous? i don’t know why. but i hope they’ll be nine again soon because i’ve missed them together. mmm what else... idk? i haven’t really been... all /here/ honestly? like mentally? emotionally? i feel so... unavailable. idk. but i guess that’s just another thing i’m dealing with. which is okay too. it takes time and effort and a lot of love.

i’m sure there’s more i want to say... like my refusal to accept the notion that hai might like me back because of reasons? idk there are a lot of things i guess... i just... haven’t figure out how i want to say it yet or how to put it into words. 

hmmmdmmmlmmmm... idk a part of me just wants to keep typing and kind of unleash everything? i’ve been... holding in a lot i think. my stomach feels like it’s in knots these days and i’ve had a lot of breathing problems. idk where to begin or end or whatever though. ahhh oh well. 

okay. that’s probably enough for a personal update mmm? 

laaa dee daaa~ goodnight~

[groupie-inspired]

this is the most truthful thing about men i have interacted with.

if you are. a man. read this for the insider hot take !! from my female perspective

(girls may resonate)

like most of my female friends are lesbians or are bi yet choose to only date women and honestly. girl i am ready to follow suit

guys are just. hm.

and the hard part too is like i go for band guys and i want them to not be Awful but unfortunately i end up with emotionally unavailable babies because my father is an emotionally unavailable baby man and that’s probably what it’s about

i want to reform the douche bags but it does not fucking WORK for ME. sometimes they end up a better person but i never get anything from them for that and it’s like

i literally had to be your fucking therapist, your mother, your friend, your whatever and for WHAT

i get sad and i cry about these guys mainly because they won’t cooperate and i mean really at this rate i just feel like guys are fucking vending machines that i try to shake until one (1) emotional validation coin falls out

it’s like i cry because i KNOW im better than this shit and im like. bitch. you are so STUPID and like the guys also know that i am better than this shit a lot of the time aND YET

and there have been situations where these guys have LITERALLY been older than me and yet been less mature than me in so many ways and I’ll be like. he can do better, he’ll do better. but SIKE they will be thinking to themselves “i can do better” but wait fifteen fucking years to do better, and I probably will never even get to see the results of my literal LABOR at this point

like y’all should’ve paid me for showing you the light I never used to feel this way but now. You All Have Changed Me. so good on you

and part of it to is like. have y’all ever seen a nike commercial????

Just Do It

just fucking like. stop thinking about every little thing like what if I won’t work what if this what if I don’t want this and it’s like

you will never even KNOW IF YOU NEVER SPEAK TO ME NORMALLY LASHWLGSOWGSOWGWLGEOW

and other than these guys I swear there are LIKE SEVEN GUYS QHO ARE ACTUALLY KIND THAT LIKE ME AT SCHOOL BUT IM NOT ATTRACTED TO THEM BECAUSE I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PROBLEMS AND THEY ARE NOT NY TYPE AND ITS LILE. WHO DID THIS TO ME. and they’re all fucking friends but it’s not a problem between them because they all KNOW that they probably won’t date me and it’s like

what even IS THIS

who do you guys think I AM

like why do you show up only to run away why are you scared of strong women

like you go for a 16 or 17 year old maybe because you think she will take ur shit and also be immature & pliable but then y’all find me and I am not that and you’re like

BRB GOTTA DIP

i am not even your catholic school girl fantasy my school uniform has PANTS. PANTS!!!!!!!!

I just wanna know why so many men go about life acting like other people aren’t even something to truly be concerned with. It’s always like. How could this benefit ME? and it’s like. Other People Exist.

like if I sent you a pic of me in my bra can you maybe pretend to have HALF AN EMOTION FOR ME

because it was fucking YOU WHO STARTED THIS

like why did YOU do this????????

99% of the time i Was Just Minding My Own Business

and it’s like sure man im glad you’re having a good time assessing your options but have you considered the fact that this is not a FUCKING SHELF in the CLEARANCE section at TARGET

it’s not like one of them is gonna be labeled 50% off or something and there will be less risk associated

yet you still are out here acting like each and every “option” is!!! Buy One Get One Free!!!!

and you know what this the TRUTH and I don’t even care if y’all don’t like me anymore!!!!!!!

you act like A FOOL a literal FOOL. send in the CLOWNS my DUDE

and I bet a man won’t even read this far because they usually don’t even have the attention span to say goodbye to me after they get what they Came for if you know what i mean

im tired of being nice because literally. do y’all deserve manners???????? i am from QUEENS so I am a BITCH and yet I try to be the bigger and better person in all these situations.

But I am just ANNOYED

it’s like i will feel strong emotions for a person and their reaction is basically like. hm that’s weird maybe stop that whilst they keep fucking rag dolling me thru drama after drama

i feel like i run some type of bs rehabilitation center. they show up and im like

hey. stop that

omg you’re right I’ll stop that

ok good so you’re gonna be more responsible with other people

yea

*they proceed to fall off the face of the earth*

I have had like multiple different variations of this kind of situation so if you are a Man and you think this is about you. in some way, it is.

i don’t want to hurt anyone yet you will walk around and just do shit because it’s better for YOU and not even prioritizing whether or not your actions hurt people who invested time and emotions into you because they believed you were good and could do better and saw the truth of who you were and didn’t let you hide like a fucking toddler

like I don’t wanna hurt any of these guys feelings but.... :/ I can’t afford to care that much anymore!!

so maybe like think before you get your dick out next time???? that people aren’t just things for you to use when you want or move around like pieces on a chess board to suit your “strategy” or “master life plan” or whatever the fuck

you’re a man so your success and happiness and love and lust is of the UTMOST importance all the time regardless of how anyone is impacted

it’s like have you fully considered that i, too, Have needs and if you can’t meet them??? don’t lie to me and act like you can be a FRIEND to me when you CANT

and then if you’re gonna say that you are different now and shit because of what ive said? maybe thank me properly by informing as to what the fuck is going on? instead of acting like you died or something LMAO

and I have had this happen with friends too where like five or six months after I cut them off they message me like Hey Lena. What Is Going On. like. you are gonna act like what happened didn’t happen? you’re gonna act like you didn’t take from me and lie to my fucking face? at my birthday party? BITCH!!!!

CONCLUSION (most important part i guess)

and anyway the truth is

if i invested in you in these ways that ive discussed, it was because i loved you. and if you aren’t mature enough to comprehend that love is not a scary word then I am not for you. because i try my best to love everyone and everything in this world, provided that they do not harm other people. if i did these things for you, even in my frustration, i probably STILL love you. and im sorry that, you don’t love me back. and you can’t experience the joy that comes with loving me, and the joy, and the loyalty, and the peace—the understanding that all people are connected thru love. i am truly sorry that you are afraid to have that, or don’t understand what that is. but, i won’t stop loving you because im fucking embrassed, or some people who don’t understand my philosophy think im weird. i won’t stop loving you just because some people think it’s “too much”. i am a lover, it is who i am, and i refuse to change myself for anyone— let alone a selfish man who can see nothing farther than his hand in front of him. every single day of my life is a struggle to maintain that love. i have never been shown love in the ways that i deserve, and yet i strive EVERY DAY to extend my love to the people and animals and plants that exist in this world. i have fought practically everyday of my life to love myself enough to keep living. to love those going thru challenges and who disrespect me. so truly!!!

im sorry that you don’t know what love is. yet, i hope one day, that you do.

[deathtoclones]

Hello! I’m replying to your msg from a few days ago ^^ I’m the same I can’t function if I sleep too little, and do you have an issue with staying out too late too? I’m the same and it drains me and I feel so irritated I did not complete whatever I intended to cause of it. Wait, are you planning to move on from your company next year? I agree that relationships are a combo of right person/right timing. I’m in the same place as you! (1/5)

I just haven’t met anyone I want to connectwith (but it’s not like I’m meeting a lot of men just to date). Sigh I havesome very shi-tty luck in this department though. I have flaws and everythingbut I don’t consider myself super bad in looks or personality; it’s probably myself-esteem or something but I don’t get as many people asking me out as somepeople I know. And it always leaves me feeling very down and inferior =( I’dhave people showing major interest who are taken. (2/5)

Remb the strange guy and his colleagues? Turnsout he’s married with kids. And he’s not the first unavailable guy to come onto me. The other thing I keep facing is people who show interest in 2 people atthe same time – me and another girl and always “chooses” the other people inthe end, making me feel made use of and idk, like I’m lacking. Something likethis happened recently too, this colleague suddenly started flirting with mebig time asking me to hang out etc (3/5)

..when he used to ignore me; and he actuallyhad (and still has) something going on with my other colleague – whose in themiddle of a divorce. And I’m like…?? These things can hurt me quite abitthough. Thanks for the encouragement :) My grams seems to be alright but needsto go in for biopsies and stuff like that and there is a lot of tension in thefamily in terms of caretaking arrangements, sigh. (4/5)

I read about your grams and I hope thateverything is ok; that she’s coping well and that the family is getting throughwith it ok too? I know how emotionally tough it can be so big virtual hugs. :D(5/5)

Yes, I do. Big time. That’s why I try not to go out if Iknow I have to get up early the next day unless I’m meeting someone who I knowhas to get home early too (or has better self-control than I do). But most ofthe time, the tiredness is manageable. As long as I don’t do it too often.

Well, it’s all contingent on getting the F visaover the summer. If I do that, the plan is to leave my company by mid-January and run myown company. It’s just going to be a small, one-person operation, but I want tohave time to get the foundation set up on that before I leave full-time work, aswell as build up a decent savings so I’ll be able to cover all my bills until Ican get the company generating a decent income. A friend of mine who started a successfulventure company a few years ago has offered to help with the ins and outs(business registration, accounting, website, marketing, etc.). And anotherfriend is a recruiter for corporate English classes and said she could set meup with classes if I need another income source for a bit. ^^

So yea, if all goes according to plan, I’ll bea small business owner and completely self-employed by this time next year.

I completely feel you on that. Most of the menI meet nowadays, it’s in a professional capacity, so I’m not really interestedin dating any of them (plus most of them are married or almost married or inserious relationships, so unavailable anyway). I’ve had my fair share ofunavailable guys come on to me over the years, but it’s pretty easy to brush them off. My exstill hits on me whenever we run into each other and usually just asking howhis current girlfriend is will get him to back off. >.<

I don’t know, I go back and forth. Some days I’msuper confident and think to myself, “You know, I am a catch. Any guy would be lucky to have me,” and then others I wonder how any guy could stand to put up with me. I run through the whole gamut of reasons: it’s because I’m too old, I’ve gained weight, I’m not pretty enough, I’m too emotional, etc. It’s a normal thing, but I just try to remind myself that I have friends and family who love me, faults and all. And hopefully someday, I’ll get the chance to meet the right sort of guy. Haha, someday it’ll be the right time and the right guy. In the meantime, I’ll just keep myself busy by filling my life and time with things that I enjoy doing, people I love and such. ^_^

And yea, rejection hurts. Rejection in any form hurts, though some more than others. That could possibly be a subconscious reason why I just flat out refuse to date at the moment. I’ve dealt with enough in the last 4 months or so that I seriously don’t want to throw rejection from a guy in there too. Nope, got no time for that.

Haha, that kind of reminds me of something oneof my co-workers said once. We were working late shift and were discussing allthe various reporters at different outlets that we both knew and who wasmarried to whom and such. He commented that there were a ridiculous amount ofoffice romances/couples here and at the other news outlets he worked at in thepast, and he was glad he found and married someone who doesn’t work in media. Ihad no idea, mostly because I’m pretty oblivious to that type of office gossip.But yea, I suppose it’s a lot more common than one would think. At least than I originally thought.

I’m happy to hear she’s doing okay. That canput a strain on a family. I’m currently wondering how that is going to play outwith my Grams. She currently lives alone in a house she and Papa bought about10-15 years ago and her finances are pretty atrocious (Papa always took care ofthat so she’s struggled a bit since he died). At the moment she is able to takecare of herself for the most part, but I’m wondering who is going to eithermove in with her or take her in when she starts getting worse. Thankfully, wehave some time to figure that out. She’s going in for a biopsy hopefully thisweek to see if she can get in a research study, but outside that, she’s stillin good spirits and relatively strong. I’m planning to try and call mygreat-aunts and uncles and see what they’ve been discussing and if there isanything I can do to help from here. I can’t really drop everything and go backto care for her, but at the very least I can offer to help out financially. I think my sister is planning to do that as well.

We’ll figure it out. It’s going to be tough nomatter what, but I’m doing my best to stay strong for her. ^^