#but yea feel free to disagree with anything or everything this is basically just me amusing self

[straane]

assorted tidus/yuna post x-2 headcanons.

pt. 2

pt. 3

- tidus takes up Wakka's old job as captain/coach for the Aurochs. I mean, WHY WOULDN'T HE. like on day one on Besaid he was already coaching them with all that ”victory!” pep talk; not to mention how he encourages them to practice the Jecht shot on S.S. Winno; the position's open (Beclem who?); he's young and talented with youthful new ideas so therefore a dream employee (GET IT? CUZ DREAM and yeah); blitz is pretty much his only area of expertise in Spira (as of yet); and he totally doesn't mind playing for a less-than-sovereign team; and he wants to do everything the opposite of what Jecht did so; asfgasfdjhgsah no one ever talks about Tidus's relationship with and general amazing attitude towards the Aurochs. plus he's like the only person on the planet (the world? the Spira?) Wakka would HAPPILY pass the mantle to, the nepotistic lil' shit

- it's not an easy road to the top tho; the Aurochs still pretty much suck oft to the frustration of their new boss; but he's ever-patient with them and this is actually the one aspect of his life where he shows patience lol

- somewhere along the road; they do take the Cup (again... depending on what you consider to be canon in FFX). that's when he steps down as captain/coach (mentally exhausted) to pursue new adventures. Wakka doesn't approve; he's like ‘quitting at the top, ya? way to copy me, man' BUT the team keeps him as occasional reserve and he never misses an Aurochs game and in fact kinda steps on the toes of the new coach at times (who's a total rando, but a nice and capable rando)

- he and Yuna study Al Bhed together. Rikku tries to help, but isn't really cut out for teaching (Rin does a better job, and so does Paine, even. Gippal tries to slip in indecencies, and at the beginning of their acquaintance does manage to trick Tidus into using them as openers) fool me once, and all that

- let's get this out of the way: Tidus DOES NOT DISAPPEAR AGAIN; prematurely at least (hello biased Tuna trash here *zuko wave*)…. or does he??? I mean, given the extremely questionable state of his existence, I could see it happening, even just kind of randomly one day (and heartbreakingly so); I mean it's even implied in the so-called Perfect Ending (the one in Zanarkand). BUT THIS IS MY HEADCANON IT'LL GO THE WAY I WANT IT OR I'LL END IT HERE. so yeah. for the first few months of his renewed existence, Tidus and Yuna both kinda fret about it actually, like not that they’re in an acute state of worry at all times but they just kinda do and they both have nightmares about it happening (which they don’t share with the other...... cuz they don’t want them worrying and aasgfdg those dorks learnt nothing) 

- and while I'm at it, TIDUS & YUNA STAY TOGETHER. yeah... I dunno about you guys but I didn't spend thousands upon thousands of hours falling in love with and producing content of my OTP to have Tidus end up with Rando and Yuna with… Andom, I guess. so yeah, same biased logic applies here

- plus I seriously think they just… would. Yuna's got like no character flaws (yes she does) and she wound up falling for his, so… AND AFTER EVERYTHING THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER??? AND NOT-TOGETHER??? pls they're like the healthiest couple ever to grace our hearts & souls just let them live

- I could see Yuna getting (warily at first) involved with politics at some point. after the whole corrupt maester-led government/religious indoctrination mess, AND then the New Yevon vs. Youth League fiasco, idk, I think Spirans would just kinda naturally gravitate towards her, the High Summoner and all-around heroic figure, for wisdom and guidance. I could see her gradually growing into the role of Spira's very own Padmé Amidala with soft yet firm values and an iron will. and without the dying + homicidal maniac boyfriend (ily, Anakin) and I think her title would just be High Summoner. (kinda like how any elected president of Finland will forever keep the 'president' title – but there's only one current 'President of the Republic of Finland'. wow didnt expect to make this completely relevant comparison) but yeah it's not like she'd be a ruler or anything… just an important political figure and consultant adssgdghj I haven't completely figured out the Spiran state system post-X-2

- at some point, Tidus and Yuna go visit their parents in the Farplane… and as they both try very hard not to think about a certain blue-haired menace, they end up getting quite the jump scare and completely embarrass themselves (or they would’ve if anyone saw) then they in perfect synchrony pull themselves together and defiantly look their former nemesis in the eye and say absolutely nothing

[masonscig]

otp tag

mason x detective sofía olmos

i was tagged by both @masonsfreckles and @havennly ! thank you so much !

not tagging anyone but if you wanna do this, take this as a sign!

[putting it under the cut bc it’s long and there’s some nsfw content lmao. also some of this is subject to change bc i’m still fleshing them out !]

––––

DISAGREEMENTS.

who is more likely to raise their voice?

oh definitely mason bc he gets annoyed at everything, including if sofía is being too sympathetic (i mean look at the end of book 2 lmao he literally rolls his eyes at her if she says him being in the hospital bed is her fault)

who threatens to leave but never actually does?

sofía definitely lmao because she thinks it might get him to commit and it does not !

who actually keeps their word and leaves?

neither. they need each other too much

who trashes the house?

mason. sofía is a bit of a neat freak with her apartment (not her work space)

do either of them get physical?

oh no - he’d take a bullet for her (tho he won’t admit it). he’d never do that

how often do they argue/disagree?

usually petty disagreements at the beginning bc they’re learning more about each other - over time they share looks of knowing and instantly understand each other.

who is the first to apologize?

sofía to a fault

SEX.

who is on top? who is on bottom?

mason but it starts switching as sofía gains more sexual confidence

any kinks?

i love how this early on in the ask game it just jumps into the horny shit LMAO with that being said, yes :) KSDFJKSDKJF nothing like too crazy but stuff like hair pulling, choking, dirty talk, edging, blindfolds, basic bondage, spanking, praising.. that type of stuff lmao

who has the strangest desires?

honestly sofía. mason’s tried essentially everything he’s ever wanted to try, so he knows what he likes. and sofía hasn’t had the most ~daring~ partners lmao so she asks things she thinks is very crazy and strange (for her) and mason is like “....ok sure” SDJKFKJSDJFK

who’s dominant in bed?

mason. tho he does enjoy being dominated as well 

is head ever in the equation?

*see book 2* LMAO but fr i wouldn’t say it’s like worshipping but yea it happens often <3

if so, who is better at performing it?

mason at first, since he’s way more experienced and sofía is a bit more timid, but over time she wins !

ever had sex in public?

yes even though pre-ub meeting she would’ve literally never dreamed of doing it out of embarrassment, but he brings her out of her shell sexually. again, *see book 2* LMAO

who moans the most?

i’d honestly hc mason as being more vocal at first bc he’s a heavy talker in bed, but since like i said, he brings her out of her shell, she quickly matches him. so ig equal later on in the relationship !

who leaves the most marks?

long lasting marks? definitely mason. seeing marks on her after they hook up and she’s desperately trying to hide it with her hair, a scarf, makeup, etc, excites the hell out of him. but in terms of short term? definitely sofía. but they heal quick

who is the more experienced of the two?

mason ofc KJSDFKJSDFKJ

do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

they definitely fuck, but poor sofía is secretly hoping it’ll turn into a more intimate session. bc as of book 2 she’s taking any of his even remotely gentle actions as a sign LMAO poor baby

how long do they usually last?

depends on how long they’ve been away from each other. either it’s frantic and rough and quick or it’s longer and passionate and prolonged.

rough or soft?

rough - she doesn’t mind that though because she’s never really had it that way. i can’t imagine bobby was skilled at sex if he was that bad at kissing LMAO. and before that it was clumsy teenage sex so she’s just glad to be doing something that she gets actual pleasure from LMAO

is protection used?

even though sofía is strict asf about wearing protection she kind of threw that out the window when she started hooking up w a vampire LMAO [me saying lmao like 6 times under the sex portion of this bc i feel like i’m being too horny on main and am weird ab it KJSDFJKSDFJK]

does it ever get boring?

maybe for mason if he thinks its too vanilla but he’d be very vocal ab being bored if it ever happened

where is the strangest place they’d have sex?

not necessarily a place together, but i have absolutely no doubt that mason’s called her in the middle of something important and tried having phone sex with her and she’s flustered as fuck trying to keep it together and he’s just... talking to her like he does and getting her all worked up. since he absolutely livesssss to fluster her !

i have no doubt that they fucked while she was supposed to be patrolling LMFAO. probably more than once to be honest. more than twice. idk let’s just say that she def looks forward to patrolling with ub more than she used to

FAMILY.

do they plan on having children/or have children?

hell no

if so, how many children do they want/have?

none

AFFECTION.

who likes to cuddle?

sofía does and it takes him a longggg time to warm up to it

who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

mason of course LMAO dirty talk in the ear here, an ass grab there. ya know. that kind of stuff KJSFKKJFD

who struggles to keep their hands to themselves?

mason again ! sofía is definitely curvaceous in the ass area [yes she has a fat ass and she deserves it] and he Does Not want to keep his hands off of her.

how long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

sofía is hot natured and it bugs the shit out of mason so he would grumble and move away... if he stayed :/

what is their favourite non-sexual activity?

stargazing! tbh i hc mason as lowkey really enjoying astronomy bc space is so quiet and calm and dark LMAO his ideal place <3 SDKJFKSJD

where is their favourite place to cuddle?

he doesn’t really prefer cuddling but if so, definitely after sex before the afterglow wears off

SLEEPING.

who snores?

sofía snores VERY softly and it annoys the shit out of mason but then after a while he can’t sleep without it bc she’s like his own personal noise box

if both do, who snores the loudest?

just sofía snores !

do they share a bed or sleep separately?

share a bed (reluctantly at first)

if they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

so they always cozy up with each other at first, but since mason doesn’t need that much sleep in the first place he moves away when he’s uncomfortable/wakes up

what do they wear to bed?

sofía usually wears a tank top, free boobs it, and wears patterned pajama shorts that she’s had for years (mason always hates the pattern of the shorts bc he thinks they’re hideous, but he loves the way they hug her hips and ass). he’s usually shirtless, which is definitely weird since his senses get really overwhelmed. but the feeling of being pressed up against her and hearing her heartbeat blocks out any of his discomfort.

are either of them insomniacs?

sofía is a horrible insomniac. she’s usually up early and goes to bed late. she’s convinced she can run on a couple hours of sleep and coffee, but usually crashes on her days off and sleeps for like 12+ hours.

can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

not to be h*rny but i mean usually if she can’t sleep he wears her out LMAO

do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

usually she wraps her arms around him and he drapes his arms around her.

who wakes up with bed hair?

both of them LMAO

who wakes up first?

mason. he’s usually gone first, too.

who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

mason would never, but sofía definitely does it for him depending on if he’s injured or angry at her

what is their favourite sleeping position?

she loves being the big spoon sometimes but mason much prefers being pressed up against her back, so she’s usually the little spoon. normally after he leaves, she sleeps on her stomach.

do they set an alarm each night?

she sets an alarm for herself but it’s purely a vibrating alarm because she’s scared she’s gonna hurt mason’s ears.

who has nightmares?

sofía. definitely. she hid it at first but started opening up to him about it and now without a word, he can tell what she’s seen, so he wordlessly comforts her.

can a television be found in their bedroom?

nope ! sofía is weird about always feeling productive and having her tv in her room makes her feel like she’s wasting the day away (even if she rots on the couch all weekend)

who has ridiculous dreams?

also sofía. mason doesn’t dream much in general, but she has the most wild dreams that are always completely out of left field. sometimes he’s in them and he can tell with the way she looks at him the following morning what type of dream it was KSDJFKJDFK

who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

hmm, i’d have to say sofía again. she’s not a wild sleeper, but she does tend to lift her leg and tuck her arm under her head when she’s not cuddling him.

who makes the bed?

mason never makes the bed LMAO and she’s a neat freak

what time is bed time?

they’re both night owls, but just whenever she passes out from exhaustion mainly

any routines/rituals before bed?

sofía has a whole skincare routine since she wears makeup daily. 

who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

mason’s always grumpy, but sofía never wakes up angry unless she was woken up when she thought she’d have more time to sleep 

WORK.

who is the busiest?

both are pretty busy all the time, a fact that annoys the hell out of both

who rakes in the highest income?

um well mason doesn’t ever want for anything bc the agency provides them with everything. i mean cigs are expensive as hell so idk ??? i’m assuming he makes more than her.

are any of them unemployed?

nope !

who takes the most sick days?

mason. usually only if he knows he can get away with it bc he wouldnt wanna deal with griping

what are their jobs?

human liaison / detective and an agent

who sucks up to their boss?

sofía KSDFJSJKDF she sucks up to the captain

who is more likely to turn up late to work?

sofía may be a hard worker but she’s usually a few minutes late since she has to look good

who stresses the most?

sofía ofc lmao she can get pretty high strung over certain situations!

do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

mason (confirmed by mishka) doesn’t have aspirations past being on ub, so i think he’s fine where he is and he’s putting his talents to use. i think sofía didn’t care much for her job at all, but she was hoping being a detective was going to be a change. she was pretty aimless until unit bravo showed up, so i think she’s happy with her job now.

are they financially stable?

definitely! sofía paid off her student loans pretty diligently since wayhaven is a cheap place to live (i’m assuming) 

HOME.

who does the washing?

sofía bc like i said she’s a neat freak

who takes out the trash?

mason bc he ‘hates hearing her whine’ but he’s being nice

who does the ironing?

sofía bc she’s always looking nice and fresh and mason is wearing casual clothes that are prob wrinkled as hell

who does the cooking?

sofía ! she’s an enthusiastic cook but she’s still learning. she messes up a lot but she loves trying new recipes

who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

mason would purposefully burn down the house. arsonist vibes

who is messier?

mason. a lot less possessions but somehow cares less about where they are in the house.

who leaves the toilet roll empty?

neither? ig?

who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

mason bc he just strips and throws his shit everywhere

who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

probably both.

who answers the telephone?

sofía ! she’s way more professional

who mows the lawn?

god could mason even handle the sound of a lawn mower? i’m assuming they’d live somewhere remote and not that grassy to avoid that LMAO

who does the vacuuming?

sofía ! neat freak 

who does the groceries?

sofía again ! she’s very much an adult who does shit on her own and doesn’t really need mason’s help SDJKDFJ plus she likes feeling productive and running errands !

who takes the longest to shower?

sofía again – mason showers but i mean.... it’s painful when it happens so. sofía is one of those people that shaves her entire body methodically, exfoliates, all of that shit

MISCELLANEOUS.

is money a problem?

no because mason isn’t a huge spender but sofía does like to splurge sometimes. but it’s never enough to like wear their pockets thin. they live comfortably !

how many cars do they own?

probably 2! mason really just needs his for the cover since.... he can ya know.... just run everywhere LMAO

what’s their song?

well mason hates music LMAO but

do they live in the city or in the country?

country. mason couldn’t handle it! close though that sofía could still visit the city and get her fill, but far away enough that mason is content.

do they own their home or do they rent?

hmm in wayhaven definitely an apartment at first ! idk if mason’s huge on homeowning. i mean does he rly care? if its dark and quiet he’s happy

do they enjoy their surroundings?

sofía felt stuck and purposeless till mason showed up. she likes it a lot more now, but mason is still reluctant. they both tolerate it for each other, though.

what do they do when they’re away from each other?

mason is protective as hell so he’s worrying ab her even if he doesn’t wanna admit it. and sofía is just worrying if he’s actually thinking about her or not. and she’s missing him of course. but also i think that overall mason could kind of go about his life but sofía couldn’t if they were away you know? she’d be reminded of him constantly but he could hold himself together.

where did they first meet?

at her office !

who spends the most money when out shopping?

def sofía.

who’s more likely to flash their assets?

hmm if this is an innuendo, mason. if this is just being flashy, def sofía. she’s got a couple expensive items she wears on the regular.

any mental issues?

sofía is generally pretty anxious and a huge empath so she can fall into depressive episodes quite easily. and she’s definitely traumatized from murphy

who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

mason definitely laughs at sofía when she falls KSJDFKSDJKF

who’s terrified of bugs?

sofía’s scared, not terrified ! she would rather save a bigger bug like a spider instead of killing them

who kills the spiders around the house?

mason. he begrudgingly stomps on them if sofía chickens out of saving it. BUT after the first couple times, he just sighs and gathers it in his hands before letting it go outside.

do they have any fears for their future?

sofía is afraid of mason finding a replacement for her since she’s terirified he doesn’t care about her the same way she does as him. she’s scared she’ll get stuck in a rut again. she’s scared she’ll come face to face with murphy again. she’s scared of coming across another supernatural like murphy. she’s scared of a LOT of things. mason, however, is more nervous about protecting her.

their favourite place?

rooftops, cliffsides, anywhere they can stargaze away from the sounds of the town. and mason’s bedroom bc he has a lot more ~things~ to offer there LMAO

who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

sofía would, but she’d never actually do it bc she knows mason wouldn’t like it

who pays the bills?

hmm both of them? not sure

who’s the tallest?

mason ! sofía is ab 5′2 / 5′3 give or take

who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

mason definitely. and he’s done it before and he’ll do it over and over LMAO

who wanders around in their underwear?

definitely sofía. she doesn’t have to try hard to get his attn but she reserves a few lace thongs JUST for that occasion

who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

sofía and mason hates it LMAO he prefers when she just hums along. it’s wayyyy more soothing

what do they tease each other about?

mason teases sofía about blushing so much and she teases him about his smoking habit

who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

sofía at mason, definitely KSDFKJSDKJF she sees his henley with the neckline stretched out, wrinkled, with some cigarette burns and she just. gets so mad KJSDFJKSDJKF she’s so stylish compared to him

who crushed first?

sofía definitely had a crush first, but mason was physically attracted to her first

any alcohol or substance related problems?

nope ! sofía enjoys alcohol but nothing extreme.

who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

sofía, definitely LMAO she has a little bit of a party girl in her that doesn’t come out that often but when it does....

who swears the most?

mason, usually. but when sofía’s upset, she has the mouth of a sailorrrrr

––––

[weirdstuff-blog]

Me and stephanie dancing up Christian

"ROB SIMS presents KellyMBentley.Com in 2008! "

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The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Blurbs About me: Its hard to describe myself because I am constantly changing. So to start, above all else, I am a bad ass bartender. I bartend at OPERA Nightclub here in Atlanta, Geogia. Its the biggest and hottest club in Atlanta. I also bartend at the Irish Bred Carrollton where I can fulfill my bar dancing passion to AC/DC, Buckcherry (Crazy biotch!), and Def Lepard. I love serving up cocktails with a little sassy shake some come by either place and check me out!!

Second, I am a model and one of the hottest female entrepreneurs on this planet. In modeling, I specialize in glamour, fitness, and promotional modeling. I always have something going on somewhere. I’m partnering up with NOPI as a NOPI CHIC for 2008. I love doing charity work so keep updated on my events and help us out. As an entrepreneur, I own half of a calendar production company with JM Polsfuss that is responsible for the hottest calendar coming out in 2009 Construction Cuties. Watch for it!! I also just teamed up with get this…yes…The Rob Sims….which we will have my website launched by the end of Spring to help heat up the summer for you. Also watch for all the magazine covers, layouts, spreads, etc. coming soon…I told you guys I’ll be taking over the WORLD!! Lastly, I am a regular girl that had a dream and am still forcing it to come true come hell or high water. I’m from a small town, but I’m working hard to fulfill my big city dreams as well as those of other girls who want to be models with MODELICIOUS. So if you want to try modeling, don’t listen to people when they tell you that you cant do it, they said I couldn’t, and I look at me…so don’t listen, contact me and lets see what we can do. I DONT DO ANYTHING FOR FREE….so don’t ask. I have a small network of professional models I use and promote because they have become friends. Don’t ask for my contacts, because I work hard in promoting and networking myself so why should I just hand over my hard work to you. If you want my network, you pay for my network.

THINGS YOU WOULDN’T GUESS ABOUT ME: No one would ever guess that I used to be in the Army National Guard. I used to be on Active Reserve as the RA for SFC Robert Cornett. I got out in 2005. I also used to wiegh 170 lbs. I gained a huge amount of weight when I quit drinking and smoking. Yea a lot of you thought it would never happen. I quit cold turkey and the turkey went to my ass. I lost 50 lbs. on the Subway diet. I was recently on the Coyote Ugly Reality Show on CMT and hated every minute. I also have a degree in Political Science and Computer Science with a minor in Military Science. Just some cool quirks about me. TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF – The Survey Name: Kelly M Bentley Birthday: October 7th Birthplace: Anniston, Alabama Current Location: Atlanta, Georgia Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Blonde/Brunette..hell I don’t know Height: 5’5" if I’d stand up straight Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Your Heritage: Irish/German &..39;The Shoes You Wore Today:’ My beloved flip flops Your Weakness: Your Fears: airplanes, elevators, and scurrying vermon Your Perfect Pizza: cheese/pepperoni without any sauce Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Be at 8% Body Fat by the end of the year Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I dont even know how to set that shit up… Thoughts First Waking Up: What in the hell are the Backyardigans? Your Best Physical Feature: My big ghetto booty Your Bedtime: When ever my mind decides to quit thinking Your Most Missed Memory: No clue..too much memory lost Pepsi or Coke: Caffeine free coke MacDonalds or Burger King: both are some nasty shit…I dont put it in my body! Single or Group Dates: Cant remember my last date… Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I don’t drink any tea Chocolate or Vanilla: Just hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt Cappuccino or Coffee: Caffeine free Coffee Do you Smoke: hell no Do you Swear: I swear I cuss too much Do you Sing: Did you catch my show? Think I’ll stick to the shower. Do you Shower Daily: more than once Have you Been in Love: Only twice for sure Do you want to go to College: Been there done that Do you want to get Married: Umm….when I’m too old to know better Do you belive in yourself: more than anyother person besides Roy Do you get Motion Sickness: Do you think you are Attractive: No but others tend to disagree Are you a Health Freak: Absolutely Do you get along with your Parents: depends on the day of the week Do you like Thunderstorms: love them Do you play an Instrument: In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: don’t drink alcohol In the past month have you Smoked: I quit when I was 20 In the past month have you been on Drugs: hell no drugs are for weak people In the past month have you gone on a Date: I havent gone on a date in the past few years In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No..I hate the mall..I’m in need of another personal shopper In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: yea right…my trainer would shoot me In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I don’t eat fish In the past month have you been on Stage: too many times In the past month have you been Dumped: No In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I wish In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No but someone stole two of my damned portfolios Ever been Drunk: Plastered on many occassions Ever been called a Tease: What girl hasnt Ever been Beaten up: No but I got launched off some steps one time Ever Shoplifted: no I only steal hearts How do you want to Die: at 200mph on the Autobahn What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I’m doing it but not grown up yet What country would you most like to Visit: Ireland In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: Any that don’t lie Favourite Hair Color: any that I can run my fingers through Short or Long Hair: either Height: all heights Weight: weight doesn’t matter Best Clothing Style: clothes dont make the man Number of Drugs I have taken: Don’t do drugs Number of CDs I own: not too many Number of Piercings: ears and belly button Number of Tattoos: 1 Number of things in my Past I Regret: only 1…if you know me you know what it is

CREATE YOUR OWN! – or – GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Myspace Layouts – Myspace Editor – Image Hosting

Who I’d like to meet: TO ALL MODELS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS: Now that I am partnered up with Robs Sims who is the most published photographer on the planet also owner of FitBeauties and FitModels International Magazines, photographer for Oxygen, MuscleMag, InStyle, American Curves, Maxim, FHM, Mens Health…okay I’m tired already. Too many to list. Google him for the rest…lol. Rob and I will be offering photoshoots to ambitious models with the guarantee to be published. Yes there is a catch. 1)like I said I don’t do anything for FREE 2) Neither does he 3) you have to be approved by me first. Sorry ladies…I have to be picky. Feel free to submit to me for shoots with Rob. I will be honest and give you feedback. WE ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN GUARANTEE YOU PUBLICATION IN MAJOR MAGAZINES.

Posted by dcsmith2752002 on 2008-06-23 13:19:11

Tagged: , KELLY , M , BENTLEY , IN , ATLANTA , GA , NIGHT , LIFE , BASIC , BLACK , FORMAL-WEAR , AND , CASUAL , -WEAR , ATTIRES

The post Me and stephanie dancing up Christian appeared first on Good Info.

[sophygurl]

Okay I am done with the panel write-up posts and I apologize to all my followers who don’t give a fuck about that kinda thing but WisCon is a big part of my life so I get to totally indulge in it once a year so there. [For anyone wondering this amazing con I keep going on about is a feminist Sci-fi/fantasy con right in my home town and I’ve been going for close to ten years now and it’s like HOME to me]

Gonna post some about the panels I was on, my general con experience this year, and some other stuff under this next read more thingum here. It’ll be more of a personal post than the others. Anything else I write now will be more about fandom-ey stuff that I got up in my feels about and need to hash out. 

BTW though. Hi new followers!! If you’re coming to me due to WisCon specifically or due to my write-up of THAT panel, feel free to introduce yourselves. I use tumblr the most frequently with twitter and FB being a sort of tie for second and DW much more rarely just as an FYI. I’m sophygurl everywhere but FB which is my real name. I’m easily findable and love talking to people! 

So my panels this year were all very different in tone and experience, but all went pretty well? I had fun anyway? I had 4 panels about TV in some way or another and one about Star Wars. Some hinged on serious-ish topics, but I wasn’t on any Serious Business panels this year. 

I wrote up a crap-ton of panel ideas and a lot of them got through. So many that panels I wrote up and wanted to go to were often up against one another and I had to make lots of choices. But it feels really good to me to be involved in that way - in writing up panels, and in being on them, and in going to them and taking notes and writing them up after. There is a lot that I CAN’T do for the con due to my disability stuff. But this is stuff I both can do and enjoy doing so it works out well. I also volunteered to a few people to write up panel descriptions from ideas they have but don’t have fleshed out, so that’s an exciting new thing for me to try out.  So but yea, all five of the panels I was on were panels I also wrote up. 

My first panel was about Women Loving Women on TV. It was me, another panelist, and the moderator. I was a little worried about this panel because the moderator said she was put on the panel by mistake and doesn’t even have a TV (she did fine as a mod - not all mods have to also partake in the talking, they can just ask questions of the panelists), and the other panelist never contacted either of us or showed up for the panel.

Fortunately, I am a well-prepared panelist and felt comfortable talking about this subject for the whole 75 minutes. But then the panel was scheduled against a panel on a similar topic and so anyway - three people showed up for the panel. Fortunately they were kinda fun and engaged people so it became more of a conversational panel than a formal presentation kind and I think it went well? This was my only panel this weekend that I wasn’t the moderator of. 

My next panel was about intersectionality on TV. I was also a lil worried about this one because it was just me and one other panelist, although we had some good chats online before the con so I wasn’t too worried. Fortunately, she convinced a friend to come sit on the panel with us so there was three of us - and both of my panelists had lots of awesome things to contribute. We also had a decent size panel for an evening time slot and got the audience involved too. I pulled one of my goofball tricks and made the audience do a lightning round question of a show they think does intersectionality well and everyone was able to come up with something, which was fun.

Right after that was my panel about SFF sitcoms which was a blast. This was even later in the evening, so we were all really punchy! It was me, a good friend, and another panelist I knew casually before. We wanted lots of audience participation and we got it - getting so many more recommendations than any of the 3 of us had even considered. And since it was a panel about comedies, we really just kinda relaxed and had fun with it.

That was all Friday. Big Day for me.

Saturday night, again a late night slot, I had my Bisexual Representation in TV and Film panel. This one I was not too worried about because I was asked to hand-staff it, since I had strongly suggested the panel be filled with Bi+ folks. So most of the panel was people I already knew and had paneled with before but also I snagged a couple of people I hadn’t previously talked to but who were also awesome.

The panel was in a large room and was fairly full, which I thought was really neat. I had a lot of my own notes on the subject, and did go off on a huge bit about the amazingness of Sara Ramirez and her two bisexual characters, but I also knew from previous convos that my fellow panelists had a lot of interesting things to say and they did not disappoint. It seemed like the audience had a lot of fun and the # for the program was pretty lively, so that’s always a good feeling.

Sunday afternoon was the panel I was MOST excited about. It was all about the themes of The Last Jedi. Like how cool is that? A whole panel not just about the movie in general, but specifically about the THEMES of the movie?! I was pumped that this panel even got through, much less that I got to be on it, much less that I got to moderate it.

And let me tell you something. My panelists? Were amazeballs. Like, the email convos we had ahead of time were already so smart and so nuanced and so full of different ideas and perspectives I was like !!!

And the panel went SO WELL. Like, there was such an equal exchange of like flow and information going back and forth. I feel like I really organized my own thoughts and questions for my panelists well and we all spent the whole panel making grabby hands for the mic because we were all so excited to respond to one another’s thoughts. 

It was FUN and THINKY and I could tell the audience was really engaged and we all laughed and discussed and disagreed and laughed more and it was probably the best time I have ever had on a panel. The #TLJThemes on twitter is just chock-full of both quotes from my awesome panelists and thinky-thoughts from the very smart audience who I sadly did NOT end up having time to get questions or comments from because literally the moment we finally had a pause of any kind? It was right on the dot time for the panel to end LOL. 

So yea, wow, that was just exhilarating? IDK, I am such a nerd.

But yea, so I had everything from 3 audience members to packed rooms and no fellow panelists to crowded tables of excited panelists struggling to get a word in and everything in between and I feel sort of confident that I did well with all of it? So that’s neat. 

Last year I didn’t moderate any of my panels and I found I really missed it, which is why I volunteered to do more moderating this year and it was a Good Life Choice and I plan to do more of it in the future. I adore WisCon for being the kind of place that a basic nobody like myself who has done nothing with her life besides watch a crapton of television can sit on panels and moderate panels and contribute to panels and do things like this that I enjoy and feel like am good at and it’s just such a good. *cuddles the general idea of WisCon*

And beyond the panels - both that I attended and sat on - I had a really wonderful con this year. I was very social and decided to get over my awkwardness and just kinda Utilize my awkwardness because, like, we’re all geeks here so just stop worrying and be a dork and have fun and it worked? I talked to so many people, introduced myself to so many people, made so many connections, hung out more specifically with some of my favorite people, and just sort of made sure to hang out in public spaces and smile a lot and that helped? Who knew. 

There were really only just the three bumps in my otherwise good experience.

1. The panel. If you didn’t already see about this, I attended a panel that very unfortunately derailed into Nazi apologism and it was super gross and upsetting but lots of people spoke up against the panelist in question and the con acted quickly to ban her and are continuing to discuss if she can ever come back so at least that part is good but UGH UGH UGH that was so gross.

2. My laptop broke on me. Fortunately, I have amazing friends and the one I was rooming with doesn’t use hers a ton so she let me use it a lot so I didn’t have to be off-twitter much because a lot of the con happens in the twitter tags and I would have been very sad to miss out on that. I got home and my other amazing friend and roomie helped me get my laptop into the shop quickly and it’s back now which is a huge relief because as a mostly homebound and frankly mostly sofabound extrovert? I need my laptop. I NEED my Laptop. 

3. Life with chronic illness sadly does not stop when you are at an event you love. Even when you save up all your spoons, and spend weeks building up your stamina after a winter of mostly hibernating, and use all of your meds, and allow yourself more caffeine and different foods than usual, and work really hard on self-care. Still, you are chronically ill. 

I am able to push myself a LOT at WisCon because of how it fuels me socially and intellectually and creatively and in so many other ways. But that still only goes so far. And especially with having two late nights on panels - I did not make it to any parties or other late night social events this year. Nor did I make any early morning panels - and there were some I really Really wanted to go to. 

But that’s life and I still got to cram SO MUCH in and spent lots of time in the hot tub soaking and also having poolcon with some amazing folks and had lobbycon and actually made time to have meal/snack times with people instead of just the usual “we should totally make sure to ...”

There were a lot of people I only saw briefly or missed entirely that I’d have loved to have had more time with, but I guess when we finally invent the time turners I can have all that plus go to ALL the panels. 

Oh! And I did go to an amazing reading this year. I often skip readings but I knew a bunch of the people at this one and adore them so I went and it made me feel and think a lot of things and adore these people even more, so there’s that. 

And PHEW I think that’s it. I have tons of thoughts about like, found family and female friendships and stuff mostly about my own amazing platonic poly tribe - some of whom come along to WisCon with me and we get to like BE together in shared living space and then go off and have our own adventures and bond with other people and then introduce one another to those people and it just enhances the whole thing and YAY MY PEOPLE. And uh, yea, one of said peoples who sadly no longer lives in the area just came back over to my place from our other friend’s house and is only going to be here for another day and a half so I’m gonna go run off and spend time with her while I can. 

[gizmosisbuttons]

Episode 4 was a fandom wide callout post.

all you fools too busy being pissed bc Coran went all show crazy and basically re-characterized the paladins to what the masses found entertaining, to notice that the entire episode was literally a fandom wide call out post. they literally called us out guys. 

lets go over the list of things Coran said/did in ep 4 and compare them shall we?

let me preface this by saying he literally wasn't himself and i still love him just as much as before, my gorgeous man.

”I worked up very specific personas for each of you. This is going to help the audience connect on a much deeper level with each team member.” 

as if they didn't already have defining personalities that make them very likable and awesome? sounds familiar right? its one thing to speculate and theorize based on what we know about a character especially if we don’t know a lot about said character. the writers put a lot of time and effort into developing these characters and even said during an interview once that one of the things that bugged them about og Voltron was that the only properly developed character was Keith. the other guys didn't get a chance to be loved. and that was what they aimed to do, to give every paladin and character the chance to be loved. since the beginning the fandom has been bad at this. taking one teeny trait from each character and twisting them so that the only thing that matters is that trait. 

         “lover-boy lance”

throughout the series lance is known  to flirt with...pretty much every cute alien girl. of course. hes handsome, charming, girls love him. Coran wipes away all of the actually relatable things about his personality in favor of this charming flirt who would win over girls. Lance is insecure, he’s witty, he is the freaking sharpshooter, the teams sniper and their glue. he’s voltrons right hand now for a reason. he got into the garrison which is a military space exploration base, not just anyone gets in. hes incredibly intelligent and a great pilot. amazing really. bc simulations are always absolutely terrible and rarely help. oh yea, and hes charming.but god forbid anyone forget that hes a flirt. who cares about the other stuff that will actually help the audience connect with him. 

        “science wiz pidge” 

its no secret that pidge is incredibly intelligent. she is one of the characters who haven't gotten their developing points until this season. in one of the first flashbacks we learned she nearly gave up studying because some kid decided to be a dick and bully her. Matt pulled her out of it and encouraged her to work hard. later on in ep 4 coran says that her science doesn't need to be factually correct because noone will understand her either way. he undermined her intelligence because . well. noone cares what she says as long as it sounds smart. fanfic writers do this a lot. like. a lot. i understand that you may not have the same knowledge that the girl who hacked herself into a military school base undercover at he age of 14-15 (if the theory that the garrison is a high school program is correct) because she had gotten banned for sneaking in and hacking into the computer system, but if you really do insist on focusing her on her smarts, do some research. no to mention. pidge may be the youngest, but she really is more than science and calculations. shes intelligent yes, but she can hold her own in battle (at the age range of 15-17 with no prior battle training), shes afraid of the possible reality that all her efforts are wasted and Matt and Sam are dead, she is actually pretty social with the paladins (she can even be seen hanging out in the kitchen while hunk makes glass cookies.) and beyond her intelligence, shes wise. shes not just random science facts, she knows how to hold her own in situations outside of battle and books. shes street smart. 

       “lone wolf keith”

now i know this was said to allura, and ill get to that. but if the keith vlog showed us anything, its that  hes not just a moody loner teenager.  i am very guilty of this myself. i portray keith as a human disaster. we don’t know hen he was left alone, we don’t really know much of his story. i head canon that his dad left him to fend for himself but every month woul drop off food or money or something. i head canon hes terrible about taking care of his body. but at least i don’t call him moody and move on.  i give him a background to fill in the blank space, but sometimes i forget and focus too much on his folded arms and  pouty face. he smiles. he laughs. hes an actual precious bean.  but hes also afraid of being pushed away. hes guarded and does his best to be strong. he hides his feelings and protects his heart with everything he has. (geez boi who hurt you). he is not the human embodiment of “teenagers” by mcr. aka he has feelings too. not to mention he also got into the garrison, and was the top pilot regardless of how he got in, if it happened to be by recommendation like most people think. 

      “humourous hunk”

as a hunk stan this one annoys me the most. throughout the episode hunk is consistently embarrassed, and even protests the fart noises, fart jokes, etc. he is purposely tripped for laughs. the fandom forgets that hes not just the fat funny guy, or just the personal chef. hes overcome so much since babies first lion flight, he used to get sick, constantly had to be the voice of reason to keep his teammates out of trouble,  he is just as intelligent as pidge and is actually one of the only people that can keep up with her science stuff. keith and lance even stated that they didnt understand anything they'd said. hes a fantastic engineer even if he had a few tummy mishaps. hes an amazing pilot too, and extremely sassy. he and pidge probably rigged the game console to work in space, And hes pretty friendly and cautious. he is NOT meant to be the comic relief. (say it louder for people in the back)

     “shiro the hero”

a lot of the fandom has taken to calling shiro daddy, sexualizing him (”now put on this tight shirt”) and focusing on shiro and only shiro (shiros the “favorite character” of corans little show). hes great. he really is. and the man needs a break. voltron is a kids show. he isnt meant to  be sexualized, none of them are. hes more than his arms and his leadership abilities. the biggest issue i have with the whole shiro thing. regardless of if hes a clone, when shiro returned he cut his hair differently, and wore short sleeves. everyone i know, including me, said they'd be fine with the clone if he had kept his hair long and “as much as i love the arm view” and didnt change his outfit. its a kid show. his body shouldn't matter.i am also guilty of this, and ep 4 opened my eyes to it. coran lifted shiros arm as if to prove that thats what the audience really wanted. he treats shiro differently bc hes the real star here and everyone should know it. ofc, hes the black paladin. (i wonder where the whole “the black paladin is the only one who really matters here” mindset came from. looking @ u ‘84). shiros may have ptsd, and hes constantly trying to hold himself together for his team, and its obviously not easy. maybe thats why hes got a cute white floof. the stress. 

      alluras erasure  

another point that always bugged me. the fandom either forgets allura exists, or that she is just stealing lances place temporarily. Allura is the blue paladin. while keith is gone, she is not filling in. shes a paladin now too. for coran to call her keith, and constantly call her keith, even though she obviously has a few choice words to say about it, its distrespectful. she says his plan is working and he replies with “why thank you keith...i like to keep you in character” once again, erasing her existence. now im not as well versed in this particular topic, but id like you to keep in mind that he talks to his princess with that mouth, and that she IS the princess and not a fill in while keith leads. feel free to elaborate on this more. 

     coran “fires “ team voltron. 

this. i find extremely entertaining. remember that legal trouble last year bc of the leaks? and right around that time the klance shipper started threatening them if they didn't make it gayer and put keith and lance together? the  fandom, who wanted all of this to happen their way, were threatening to get it cancelled and such just because things didnt go their way. shiro, the leader, disagreed with coran and tries to shut him down. and coran in fit of rage says:

you're a bunch of quitters! quitters! i’m a visionary! i have thoughts, ideas, i dont need you anyway. ill rewrite the show, get rid of the whole lot of you, replace you with new paladins! and the show will be better than ever before!...except for you shiro, ill never get rid of you, you're our most popular character!

this is essentially what the fandom was saying. now, was this definitely their plan, to call us out with this bit, in not sure, but honestly, its almost too coincidental.

the writers have made it clear that they heard us, and have always been listening. and really, thats why i love ep4. you're angry because you know you got called out but haven't admitted it to yourself. the writers do their best to bring us the best show possible, but they cant satisfy everyone. why cant we just be happy about Actual Meme (tm) Matt, and look forward to season five instead of fighting them because we got our shit handed right back to us. weve gotten a  taste of our own medicine, so chill. i enjoy them keeping us on our toes, surprising us with every turn, theyre great writers.who cares if one or two things pissed you off? we both know youre not gonna stop watching.

[conflictedrabbit]

2* the AvPD

Conversation w/ my friend I mentioned earlier. With their name / identifying characteristics edited out and some chopping here and there. 

___: 

I made a post abt avod once tho and it got like A few rbs and I thought "if this isn't irony idk what is" Trje

66ccff: ekjal;kdjd;

___: 

me: why do, so many avoidants want to pay for being alive avpd Tumblr: hm . I relate

66ccff: ekleja;ejdl;k

___: me: I'm glad to know people relate but are we fucking ok

66ccff: 

LOL i mean mood tbh

___: HINESTLT like I noticed i do it cuz of you NFBNSBDKSBDKSS

66ccff: though do you mean pay as in like. pay the medical system or pay as in guilt

___: Guilt

66ccff: 

kejk;ldj;L yes ok that is definitely me me: i breathed 5 gallons of air within 3 hours i am so sorry world

___:

me: [realizes it's not entirely religious trauma and also probably just Guilt over taking up space and needing to help ppl otherwise Why Live?} 

Oh god me

66ccff: (this is not even ironic i get like this multiple times a week)

___: 

hdjhdjsd I've been having a bad ep lately actually and like I think I failed to look 5-6 people in the eyes today CUZ IM JUST [WALKS AROHND] WOW . TERRIBLE

66ccff: 

omg it's ok i nearly cried in class today b/c i didn't have a good eng translation for this jp sentence

i was like.... no.... don't....

i stabilized cuz the teacher went on a tangent for a second but like forcing myself to look in his eyes and act normal was so hard i looked away so many times i wa slike. oog my god. end m i love it when walking around where there's other people makes me really nervous and irritable agoraphobia is great!

___: 

GOD yea It's so awkward for me I'm fine if I have a safe person or I'm walking to class but like

66ccff: i came back from class today and took a 6 hr nap cuz of my shame and agoraphobia

___: 

Rip Wish I could do that...

66ccff: well i haven't done my homework so

___: 

I just. Cry a lot NDKSJDJDNSKDNS rip me: I'm strong Me: spent the last 5 days like crying over nothing

66ccff: 

dkjle;ajd i mean... i used to cry but then i got mad at myself for crying so now i just Repress (tm) and sleep and then. the joke is that sometimes it doesn't work self harms... oops... that didn't work either better nap again

___: 

zz Pillows keep u safe Idk what I've been doing lately but I thought I was getting better til I realized I was like Abstaining from feeding myself BFBJSBFSJJFD

66ccff: o h my god

___: 

And I was like "oh fuck I'm a terrible person bc someone told me I should eat and j Didn't Do It I Failed Them"

66ccff: 

ahahahahaahahaha i thought i was getting better too but it was actually because i was just forcing myself to study to give myself an illusion of doing my part and then i went to school and my actual performance is like bad b/c i avoid so many activities that would make me better and i just

___: samd

66ccff: 

Wow i want to die!

___: 

hdjsjdjs

I think I only managed to eat cuz my brother was expecting me to

66ccff: tavpdfw you want to be punished constantly so you don't have to have anxiety about existing

___: 

Cuz he bought me dinner like 6 hours ago but I didn't touch it til now BFJDJD MEEEEE

66ccff: dkja;eljd;

___: 

GOD me: ah I feel good today Me like 3 hours later: oh my God I shouldn't feel good abt myself that's so Selfish ? I am trash

66ccff: oh Mood

___: Avpd solidarity

66ccff: 

honestly i love my environmental soicology class but liek it talks about how we're all consuming and putting things back into the environment

___: Idk how I manage to have avpd and __pd but that's how it is on ths bitch of an earth

66ccff: and i was literally contemplating if death was the only way to take myself out from the cycle

___: 

Me Bhhjsfjd

66ccff: 

i was like holy shit. it's not just consumption i forgot i also put bad gases into the air with everything i breathe i am Bad

___: 

All day today I was hearing abt what happened in Vegas and we were like. Talking in my apologetics class abt the Nature of Evil

66ccff: the true environmentalist take is death

___: And I was just thinking "why must I, exist if all I am is bad"

66ccff: 

oh my god same! i looked over my abt page and i was like this looks fake tumblerina

___: 

apologetics: so mankind is basically evil Me: great! I'll die so there's less evil in the world

66ccff: 

me ME

MEMEMMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEME

___: HHDHSBDJSHD

66ccff: 

sometimes i have fantasies of like going backwards and apologizing to everyone i've ever talked to and to everyone who ever had to work to produce what i've consumed

___: 

M. E

m

66ccff: 

and then hoping that they forget about me and then like disappearing forever i jsut can't see how some people can be like oh yeah factories in china and mexico earn less than 2 dollars an hour to make our stuff and not jus twant to kill themselves

___: 

I'm just pathetic and compulsive if I feel bad about stuff I apologize til like 2 weeks after God. Yea

66ccff: 

the joke is that people hate if you overapologize so you jsut damned if you do damned if you dont :upside_down:

___:

me: uh sorry for being sad People: don't apologize for that Me: Avpd:.  They are mad that I am apologizing also that I am sad Hhhfjjejd

Me: 

ME WKJD;LKD "can you stop saying sorry" "sorry"

___: 

me: oh God I'm so miserable Someone: oh im sorry Me: I wish I could accept this but Pity is too much for a lowly worm like me

66ccff: "what did i just say"

___: MMSNDNBHHHHHHGGGGG

66ccff: 

:smile: :gun:

MOOD

___: avpd feel when you don't deserve to be pitied ?

66ccff: pity is too much kindness ___: 

God yea

LIKE probably just a conflicted feel but I prefer ppl being active than pitying me but then I'm like

"that's selfish I don't deserve that ?"

66ccff: 

someone tells you to watch where you're going feel like you're unable to go outside for the rest of the day

___: 

m. mebdbdhdhdjs

66ccff: oh yeah the joke is that i want people to like. be kind to me but also i don't

___: hell brain

66ccff: so i can't say what i want

___: GGG YEAH

66ccff: 

be kind to me except don't because i'll feel invalid either way so maybe just don't talk to me >feels worse anyway

___: 

Hhhhhhhhhhh me Me: talk to me ? But I don't know what to talk abt ? But I am also not good enough for pity you could just sit there maybe But then the presence of another person will overwhlem me and I'll go cry again/s

66ccff: feel free to entertain yourself, and forget about me, ___: 

Mebdndmdkskdjsja god [looks at all cluster c disorders] you are all bitches and I hate tou

66ccff: 

tavpdfw u gotta depersonalize to make it through the day of talking to other people and acting like ur a normal human bean MOOD

___: GOD yea

66ccff: 

i have a question though if im depersonalizing why do i still feel terrible even if i feel ilke im fake smh

___: God me

66ccff: 

me: i'm not real so heres me acting like i am chill and cool person that is interesting maybe or maybe not me, inside: this sucks and i hate this but im not real so it shouldnt affect me but damn i hate this when u feel separate from your auto-pilot but you still experience all the shame you would without it :thinking: avpd is stupid and contradictory and evolutionarily useless

___: 

__pd isnkind of the same but like if you manage it well you can get stuff done but you still breakdown over the TINIEST DETAIL I hate it And I waste more time thinking abt what I'm gonna do and not actully DOING MT SHIT

66ccff: cripes

___: LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

66ccff:

me in high school UGH i'm ahving that problem right now dude in high school i used to just waste my days reading manga and thnking i should do my homeworka

___: 

me: I'll spend this hour scheduling [2hours later] Me: [stressed nbdjdjjsjdjsjdks

66ccff: and then i'd like. start at 10pm and fuck myself over ___: rip 66ccff: have a crying session at 4am every time an essay is due the next day ___: I actually didn't do one of my assignments tonight 66ccff: bad coping habits ___: Rip me I got discouraged over something lame JFJSNFKSNFD 66ccff: oh mood

___:

relationship issues: occur Me: well, I can't, do anything ever again

66ccff: 

i shouldn't even be discouraged abt my classes bc i'm here to learn and i'm just like. i know nothing i deserve to die kejd;kakejd friend, disagrees with you on something you feel unsure about: WELL I GUESS I AM BAD AND THEY HATE ME NOW time to ghost them

___: 

me: [perceives someone not caring for me] me: and Now...what is Mine Purpose...what do I live for...my Friends....have all abandoned m MEEEEEE avpd sounds super dramatic when you separate it from yourself but like In the moment I'm always just [jdut starts Fucking Crying

66ccff: 

i just want to manage to some kind of social work, give my wealth to some impoverished family, and then kms before 30

yeah my therapists in the past are like why... so soon

___: Jfjdjfjdf 66ccff: and i'm just like "why not i need to minimize all my ills on the world and also on the emotions of my family" ___: That reminds me of like. One of my mutuals talking abt how early he sleeps and he was just 66ccff: this is the optimal time look my life plan

___: 

"why be awake longer than necessary"

Hdhdhfjsjfdjdjdband. I was just . Me

66ccff:

because you hate yourself too much sleep :^)

___: 

God yea That's true. Me rn

I should've been asleep like an hour ago but [plays secret of Mana and then mopes]

66ccff:

dude i used to have bouts of insomnia b4 i got drugs that knock me out (and help me w/ anxiety) like.... i would lay awake and every second of being awake was just making the situation worse

___: I feel like I should get meds to balance out my bipolar eps but

66ccff: but then i couldn't sleep anyway so it was a damned situation ___: my parents r so anti meds 66ccff: rrghbh

___: 

also like Internalized ableism That I don't Needthem and So Many people don't need them

66ccff: oh yeah, why do my essay when i can read an hour of garbage romo manga and feel slightly less bad during that time and then hate myself more

___: 

So I Can do it cuz I'm like Everyone Else and not like Those "crazy" people Rifp

66ccff: 

man i don't wanna encourage meds if your side effects r bad but honestly how did i get the fuck through high school other than triggering intense anxiety about all assignments

like... i was so nonfunctional i shouldn't have even been in school

.....

66ccff: 

all accessibility problems are solvable humans are so bad

___: caring ? About others ? What a concept 66ccff: except sometimes they are good but that is definitely not me

___: 

Me

Ok I try to overcompensate w good to make up for inherent badness THANKS RELIGION

66ccff: 

the US is like: here's a pricetag for your life pay up

___: AAAA

66ccff: 

yeah i can see how christainity wouldn't help there w/ the "original sin" and stuff that doesn't quite exist in other abrahamic religions iirc judaism doesn't even have hell

___:  it's really weird

66ccff: 

i'm guessing its bc of jesus like.... y'all binches killed him so now this is life - christainity

___: 

Like. Christianity makes the most sense to me probably cuz I grew up w it but fuck Man

66ccff:  o yeah i grew up w/ some christianity too ___: It's FUCKED!!!!!! 66ccff:  i actually have agoraphobia issues w/ going inside of churches ___: Oh same 66ccff:  :^) ___: I'm actually fairly anti-church just because the current state of them is very bsd 66ccff:  oh yeah

....

66ccff: 

how can someone like me, who is literally not deserving of life, raise someone else

scrumbles

___:

Me Hdjehdsk

66ccff:  ___ we are so fucked ___: 

It's true Life is fucked We, are fucked

66ccff: existence is violence

[oblivionandsonder-blog]

How to make you comfortable and focused while studying

I thought I would put out there a few of my study tips that help me when I need to do basically anything for school. And honestly they are not the most original tips but I guess maybe someone stumbles upon this and it will help them.

1) PUT AWAY YOUR PHONE This is normally one of the first steps that always helps me when I’m at home doing my work. Put your phone somewhere out of your reach. Whether it’s on the other end of the room or in a totally different room. It just prevents you from checking it constantly and getting distracted. It would also be ideal if you set it on flightmode or at least silent, so you don’t hear when you get text messages and so on.

2) FIND THE PERFECT WORKSPACE (cozy it up!) And no, by cozying it up I don’t mean to lay in your bed while studying! Finding a perfect workspace isn’t the easiest thing and you will definitely need to try different options out. Maybe you have a local library where you can go, a nice cozy coffee shop or in the summer maybe you can even sit outside in a park. Having a good studyspace at home is also important. Because sometimes you need to have a late night study session or you don’t live directly in a bigger city where you need to take the last bus at 6 pm to even get home. I personally love my desk area at home which encourages me to spend more time at it. And this is where the cozy aspect comes in: everybody has different styles and everybody feels comfortable in different environments, so you should create and decorate your workspace at home so it looks inviting to you! • Put moodboards up, • hang fairy lights, • plants are always a nice addition, • pictures of you and your family and friends, • motivational quotes, • maybe you like it very clean and minimalistic, • maybe you like to have little nick nacks that make you feel at home

The whole point is: YOU DO YOU! Whatever makes you comfortable and feel positive will also reflect on your work.

3) STAY ORGANIZED Even though you might be the person who likes to keep a bit of clutter on their desk staying organized is very important. Even when its an organized chaos. You need to know where all of your supplies are that you need. They should be easily accessable and easy to find. Midway through a study session you don’t want to stop for half an hour just because you can’t find your calculator and need to search it. Or you also don’t want to waste study time in a café or library just because you couldn’t find the right textbook you wanted to bring and then you missed your bus and you couldn’t even go there. Sucks, right? If your study space at home is pretty unorganized right now, take a saturday or sunday (whenever you are free and have enough time) to declutter. Empty your shelfs, your backpack, etc. and organize it from scratch. 

Not only your workspace should be organized but you should definitely buy a planner/agenda, whatever helps to keep you on track with everything you need to get done. Bullet Journaling is a great way of doing so. Check this video out if you want to know more about it!

4) THE RIGHT LIGHT Having a separate light on your desk is important in my eyes. First of all having the entire lights in your room on is costing a lot of money and secondly your lights may be hung at an angle where your shadow when you sit at your desk will go over your notes if you know what I mean. So having a desklamp helps definitely. And I would suggest you choose more warm lighting and not these fluorescent lamps with very clinical white light because those start to hurt your eyes very quickly and don’t have a very inviting, cozy aspect to them. Fairly lights are always a plus in my opinion. And a desk lamp doesn’t need to be expensive or have a whole lot of settings. I simply have one from IKEA for 15€ with just an on/off button and it works perfectly fine.

5) HYDRATION (or just a drink you enjoy) Hydration is always an important factor not just when you are studying so keep a waterbottle in your reach and where you can see it. This way you won’t forget about it. Additionally I also think keeping a drink for enjoyment is benefitial. A coffee, a tea, a chai latte, hot cocoa, a smoothie, whatever. I find that having something to sip on while I need to think very hard about something or am in a bit of a crisis regarding something helps my mind flow again and makes me feel more positive.

6) BACKGROUND NOISE I know some people will disagree (than this tip just isn’t for you) and some will agree. Background noise helps me focus on work SO MUCH. Most of the time it is music but sometimes I even just turn my TV on, turning the volume on a low setting and have a show like The Big Bang Theory rolling (something I already know and isn’t like Game of Thrones or smth similarly distracting and suspense-packed).

But when it is music related I almost only listen to instrumental music. Lyrics often distract I find personally. Spotify provides some great concentration and instrumental playlists but I also especially love putting on music from a film or series. (these linked ones are just some of my favorites) I wouldn’t turn the volume the loudest it can be because thats distracting as well. It should be a chill and relaxing vibe for you so you can focus on your work. Especially if you are in a public setting like the library and listen to it with headphones on. In, for example, a coffee shop on the other hand I personally don’t need to listen to music because the noise of the coffee machine, the people coming in and out is also a nice background noise.

7) FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED I know that especially homework tasks or for example essays feel like they are never going to be finished. But if you stop midway through and start something else it will take even longer for you to finish them. You worked your way into a certain topic or matter, which often can take up a lot of time, so finish the product and then focus on a new task. If you set it aside in the middle of it and start something else you will always have at the back of your mind “shit, I still need to finish that” and you won’t be able to focus completely on the new task. Which means both of them are rather going to be mediocre than both of them being really great. So save some time, focus on one topic at the time and finish before you start a new one.

What I find to be helpful as well, is to start with the topic or task you despise the most. You don’t like math? Start with math. Get it done and out of the way. A weight will be lifted of your shoulders immediately because you won’t need to worry about it anymore. And afterwards you will finish the easy and more enjoyable tasks faster and more efficently.

8) TAKE BREAKS Taking breaks inbetween studying is important so your brain has a moment to breathe and isn’t working for a few hours non-stop. I would suggest to take breaks after every task you got done. Maybe 5 to 10 minutes. Eat something, an apple, a bowl of cereal, a granola bar, whatever you like and isn’t to time consuming like cooking up stir fry or idk. Don’t get distracted by being sucked into social media. It is okay to check for an important e-mail or text message but don’t get caught up! You should take these breaks to relax and not just to switch from your laptop screen to your phone screen. 

There are also different methods of taking breaks, etc. E.g. the Pomodoro-Method suggests to work for 25 minutes and then take a 5 minute break. Depending on how long your tasks take I would suggest this method as well. Just so you don’t work for an hour on an essay, then only for 15 minutes on history, then again an hour on something else. Calculate your workload a bit beforehand and then decide on how you want to take your breaks.

9) REWARD YOURSELF This kinda connects to the point before. If you finished something, especially work that you found to be difficult or you have often problems with, you should give yourself a pat on the back. Tell yourself that you are proud and happy that you pushed through that. It will provide you a feeling of success and positivity which is really important to keep your mind healthy. This does not only apply to studying but to all aspects in your life that you may struggle with. Rewarding yourself, giving yourself a pat on the back for something will stay at the back of your mind and when you get into a similar situation you are going to remember “oh yea last time it wasn’t actually that bad and I can do it again”.