#but would rather have tacos over quesadilla

[miss-floral-thief]

bro got breakfast tacos, that's rare

[batcrested]

fightwing·:

@batcrested / cont.

dick’s answer was a huff of indignation. an avenue to discuss their passions and a forum where they’re all together will always be supported by one dick grayson, and he holds those memories near and dear to his heart. THAT BEING SAID they rarely had a night off. much less a night off where they’re all together, and maybe it was the sheer number of family they shared, the impossible infinity of characters in both those medias or the sangria babs had made but some of the finer details are a bit hazy following that night. at that last part though, dick had to stand up for himself. “ you can’t possibly tell me you don’t see any resemblance. he looks like charmander’s polite little brother. ” he gestures, maybe unnecessarily at the whole dinosaur fangs of it all.

dick groaned, more for the sake of the motion than an actual cry of displeasure, and began using his own free time to stretch out some of his sore bones from their admittedly dramatic entrance. THIS was one of the nicer parts about being back home. batman still took care of the boring stuff, and dick and tim were moreso left to clear the scene from any evidence they were ever there. considering this was a rather in-and-out operation, there wasn’t a whole lot to do. instead, he laughed and held up his hands like he was proving his innocence. “ hey i’m not judging! remember that time i brought home 38 quesadilla’s from that one cart in blud? ” it was both for the good of the kind man running the cart and for entirely selfish, delicious reasons. dick had paid in full and then some for all the food whatever villain of the week had wrecked, but this time with the added bonus of having lunch for the next month. win-win-win! dick motioned at the statue. his only real experience with this kind of stuff was things wally brought to the tower, and all of wally’s things seemed to be modified in some way. “ does it . . . talk? ”

If someone were to tell Tim he was going to be spending the better half of his patrol educating his older brother on pop culture then he would have laughed. Instead he finds himself amused at the absurdity of it all as he successfully bags up his prize and hr moves over to the row of collected trade back comics to peruse. Might as well since Oracle hasn’t contacted them with their next pursuit and the police scanners are lull with the usual intoxicated in public stragglers on this typical Sunday. Nothing the boys in blue can’t handle on their own. “I guess but their heads are shaped differently, just saying.”

Tim glances his brother’s way once more at the reminder of the taco cart stint they had taken back in bludhaven which brought a smile to the younger man’s face. Of course he remembers that, he also recalls how long Nightwing stayed in the bathroom afterwards after their patrol was cut short to Dick’s complaints of eating too much. “Mmhm, I bought three cans of Febreze for the bathroom after that.” He grabs two trade backs of The A.tom he was missing for his collection and also places it in the bag and tucks it under his arm. “No it doesn’t talk but it’s a step closer to completing the collection. Did you find anything? I think i’m ready to go.”

@batcrested / cont.

dick's answer was a huff of indignation. an avenue to discuss their passions and a forum where they're all together will always be supported by one dick grayson, and he holds those memories near and dear to his heart. THAT BEING SAID they rarely had a night off. much less a night off where they're all together, and maybe it was the sheer number of family they shared, the impossible infinity of characters in both those medias or the sangria babs had made but some of the finer details are a bit hazy following that night. at that last part though, dick had to stand up for himself. " you can't possibly tell me you don't see any resemblance. he looks like charmander's polite little brother. " he gestures, maybe unnecessarily at the whole dinosaur fangs of it all.

dick groaned, more for the sake of the motion than an actual cry of displeasure, and began using his own free time to stretch out some of his sore bones from their admittedly dramatic entrance. THIS was one of the nicer parts about being back home. batman still took care of the boring stuff, and dick and tim were moreso left to clear the scene from any evidence they were ever there. considering this was a rather in-and-out operation, there wasn't a whole lot to do. instead, he laughed and held up his hands like he was proving his innocence. " hey i'm not judging! remember that time i brought home 38 quesadilla's from that one cart in blud? " it was both for the good of the kind man running the cart and for entirely selfish, delicious reasons. dick had paid in full and then some for all the food whatever villain of the week had wrecked, but this time with the added bonus of having lunch for the next month. win-win-win! dick motioned at the statue. his only real experience with this kind of stuff was things wally brought to the tower, and all of wally's things seemed to be modified in some way. " does it . . . talk? "

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 3) - A Moment

Summary: Jensen is away from home for a few days but isn’t having the easiest time being away from the kids for the first time since the accident. When he returns home, he has a gala to attend on Saturday night but a kiss on the cheek and slip of the tongue will snowball into the reader and Jensen sharing a moment...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 6,100ish

Warnings: language, death of a spouse, death of a parent, anxiety, self-worth problems, referenced past harassment

A/N: I love this part so much for so many reasons. Please enjoy!

________

“Hi Jensen,” you asked Monday night when your phone rang. “How was your flight earlier?”

“Same old same old. I just got out of work,” he said with a yawn. “Gonna grab a bite out with a friend. Kids eat dinner okay?”

“We had honey sriracha glazed salmon with brussel sprouts and roasted red potatoes.”

“Really?”

“They had kraft mac and cheese and I had Taco Bell.”

“See this is why I like you,” he chuckled.

“I’ll try the salmon again tomorrow. I was gonna make it but they didn’t have any at the store,” you said, opening the fridge and taking out a pint of ice cream. “Hey can I have what’s left of this mint ice cream?”

“Sure. Pick some more up for me sometime before friday please,” he said. “Also, Taco Bell? You do realize we live in freaking Austin right. There are literally hundreds of places you can go that have better mexican food.”

“Yeah but fake cheese tastes good,” you said. He laughed and your stomach rumbled. “I so should have gotten more than two tacos.”

“You in the kitchen?” he asked. You hummed and you heard him let out an oof in the background.

“Yeah. You alright?”

“This bed in my hotel room is comfy,” he said. “But I was starting to say, go in the drawer at the end of the counter by the table. There’s only five hundred gajillion take out menus in there. Order a treat for yourself. It’s on me.”

“Jensen. I can get my own dinner.”

“True but you’re on call 24/7 until I get back.”

“Well in that case I bet you got a menu for a fancy steakhouse in here somewhere,” you teased as you picked up one for a tex mex looking restaurant. “Does this place really have quesadillas this big?”

“You must be looking at the menu on top. I almost ordered from there last week actually. The food’s great. They do delivery too. Just buzz the guy into the gate when they get there.”

“Any recommendations?” you asked, taking out the menu and flipping it over.

“Quesadillas are good. Loaded nachos are amazing. I’ve literally never had a bad thing from there,” he said. “To be honest I’d rather be getting that than where I’m going tonight.”

“Why’s that?” you asked, reading through your options, surprised to find such good prices.

“I have to wear a suit,” he said with a sigh. “After being poked and prodded all day I literally would rather just eat crap and watch food network.”

“How long have you known this friend of yours?” you asked.

“Twenty years, why?”

“Then you guys knew each other when you were young. It’s not too late out there. Call him, see if he’d rather get some crap food, a six pack and just catch up on his couch or in your room. I’m pretty sure he’s more looking forward to seeing an old friend again than the food,” you said.

“You make very good points. I should pay you more,” he said.

“You pay me plenty and barely let me spend a dime of my money on myself,” you said. “I don’t need more.”

“You got that fancy computer though.”

“You literally have the exact same mac in your office.”

“You moved in like three boxes and two computers,” he said.

“An ipad is not a computer,” you said.

“Debatable.”

“Well I like to draw sometimes and it’s easier on an ipad when you’re laying in bed,” you said. 

“Are you any good?” he asked.

“No.”

“I bet they’re really good,” he said as you rolled your eyes. “I see you draw with the kids sometimes and those are good.”

“It’s a hobby is all,” you said, leaning back against the counter, your stomach grumbling again. “Anything else you want me to grab at the store? I’m going to hit it tomorrow while everyone’s at school.”

“Nah. Get the usual stuff,” he said. “The kiddos in bed?”

“Yeah, got the last one down about fifteen minutes ago,” you said. He hummed and you heard the sigh in it. “I got a video of them playing earlier I’ll send you.”

“Thanks. It’s my first night away from them in a long time. Normally I’m able to come back same day. I was kinda hoping they’d still be awake to say goodnight.”

“They’re safe and sound dad. We’ll call again after school tomorrow to talk like today,” you said.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. He was quiet and you pulled the phone away, taking a deep breath. 

“You okay?” 

“I haven’t been alone like this in a really long time.”

“I know. You check out your backpack yet?”

“No. Why?”

“You didn’t bring a jacket with you so I put that yellow hoodie that’s always on the hook in there in case you got cold.”

“That was Dee’s hoodie.”

“I was pretty sure it was,” you said. You heard him shuffle around briefly before he hummed, much happier that time. “I thought you might like to have a piece of...something-”

“I really don’t pay you enough,” he said quietly. “Thanks for putting this in there. I need something from home more than I realized.”

“Well put it on, call up your buddy and have some fun tonight, Ackles. Nanny’s orders.” He laughed and you felt that twinge in your stomach again, your eyes quickly closing.

“I will. Hey you mind if I call again tomorrow night? I don’t have any plans and sitting in a hotel room by myself isn’t very fun.” You smiled and felt heat in your cheeks, quickly thinking it away. He wanted company for a few minutes was all and you were friends. It was completely normal to talk with friends on the phone everyday.

“Of course. As long as you get a dinner in at some point that’s more than fine with me,” you said. “We can talk about The Bachelor!”

“Oh God no,” he groaned, chuckling after a few seconds. “I’ll settle for Grey’s Anatomy.”

“This Is Us?” you asked.

“Supernatural?”

“I haven’t watched that yet. I’m working up to it,” you said. 

“Work faster woman. I only know legit everything about that one,” he chuckled. “But probably not a good idea to watch that one until I get back and you're not alone. First episode is kinda scary.”

“Oh well thanks for that,” you said, watching the clock tick by, knowing it had to be almost seven out there. “I’ll let you go. Have fun tonight Jensen.”

“I will Y/N. Promise.”

Friday Night

“Arrow,” you said after she’d flung her pasta bowl all over herself, covering her hair and face. She sniffled and you forced a smile. “Okay. How about a bath after dinner?”

Fifteen minutes later JJ and Zeppelin were in the movie room watching a cartoon while you had Arrow in the kids bathroom, scooping up some water over her head in the tub.

“Well hello ladies,” you heard behind you. You jumped and spun around, glaring for a moment before you recognized Jensen.

“Just me,” he said, backpack still on his shoulders. 

“Daddy I got ziti all over my head,” she said.

“You did?” he asked, dropping his bag and taking off his jacket, kneeling down next to you. You got the last bit of sauce off and squirted some shampoo in her hair, Jensen watching you with a smile. “How was your day?”

She told him all about breakfast and daycare, playing with a few toy boats with him while you rinsed out the soap. You did a bit of conditioner before getting it out as well and putting the spray nozzle back.

“I got the rest if you wanna get the dryer ready?” he asked you, reaching for the soap. You swapped spots with him, Jensen washing her up while she kept talking about her day. By the time he was all done you had the dryer out and plugged in, Jensen picking her up and wrapping her up in a big bundle of towels before he set her on the counter. You went to work drying her hair, Jensen draining the tub and finding some pajamas for her.

“Do you want your hair up or down, sweetie?” you asked. She tried gathering it up and you grabbed her soft scrunchie perfectly fine for sleeping in from the counter. You put her hair up in a soft little bun, Jensen making an adorable sound when he returned.

“Aw, you look so cute, baby. I’ll be right there alright?” he said. She hopped off the counter and got dressed, rushing off downstairs when she was all done. “Survive the day?”

“Somehow we always do,” you said, gathering up the towels. “Kids are in the movie room.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna shower but we’re all good for the night,” he said. “Thanks for watching them this week.”

“You gotta go do your job,” you said. “You working on a movie or something? You never said.”

“Uh gonna be in a show called The Boys,” he said. “I’m gonna be one of the superheroes so I gotta go out and get my suit made all special for me every so often.”

“You’re gonna be a supe! That’s so fucking cool!” you said. He grinned and you blushed, shaking your head. “I’m so sorry. That was so not appropriate.”

“I don’t see any little ears around,” he chuckled. “You like the show then?”

“Yeah. It’s great. Like no other show consistently makes me go what the fuck did I just see. That’s so cool you get to be a supe though. Are you a one off or like a main character?”

“I’ll be very present in the next season. Gonna deal with the seven, all that,” he said. “I’m gonna be Solider Boy.”

“I can see that. You have that all American boy thing about you.”

“It’s my adorable face,” he teased. 

“Well remember to not stay up too late. You have the gala tomorrow night remember?”

“Yes mom,” he said as you walked out. “Get the kids some takeout for dinner tomorrow and yourself.”

“Sounds good boss,” you said. “Night Jensen.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

The Next Night

You froze from where you were mixing up some brownie batter with JJ at the kitchen counter as Jensen popped downstairs. He was in a gorgeous black suit, a maroon pocket square and no tie going on, his hair scruffier looking than normal.

He started to laugh and you realized you were staring, your cheeks feeling hot as you went back to stirring.

“Mmm, you guys save me a brownie or two for when I get home?” he asked, leaning over and dipping his finger in the bowl of cream cheese frosting.

“We’ll spare one for dad,” you said, Jensen going back for seconds. “Ah, ah. No.”

He dipped his finger in and got another fingerful, kissing the top of JJ’s head and the twins at the counter.

“Be good for Y/N guys!” he called as he rushed out.

You whistled and he jogged back, catching you holding up his phone from the counter.

“Thank you,” he said, taking it and pecking a kiss on your cheek. You looked up at him and he froze. “I am so sorry. I…”

“It’s okay. Go have fun and be all charitable,” you said. He shoved his phone in his pocket and ran out, JJ scratching her head.

“Dad’s kinda weird sometimes,” she said.

“Yeah, he is. But so is everybody,” you said. “Let’s get this in the oven so you guys can pick out colors for your frosting, hm?”

“I really shouldn’t. But I really should,” you said to yourself, plopping your second brownie of the night in a bowl and sticking a scoop of ice cream on top. You carried it over to the couch and lay back, watching TV on the big screen as you heard the door open. Jensen came into view a minute later, taking his jacket off and groaning as he washed up at the sink. He went to the tray of brownies on the counter and picked one up with a big sigh. “Fun night?”

He jumped and whacked his head against the cabinet above, hissing before he spun around.

“You okay?” you asked. He nodded and left the brownie behind, pushing his sleeves up before taking a seat on the other end of the lounger.

“Y/N I’m really sorry about the kiss on the cheek. That was so inappropriate. You’ve kinda implied that there was some stuff that’s happened to you at other jobs you found over the line and I’m really truly sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I wasn’t...I forgot you’re my employee for a moment. I really am sorry.”

“Jensen if I had a problem with it or you or your behavior I would quit on the spot. I don’t let myself get pushed around anymore. You were happy and busy and you pecked a kiss on my cheek, not reach a hand down my pants. It’s really okay. You’re way too hard on yourself.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Positive. It’s barely ten which means you left as soon as you could. You’re supposed to be out having fun,” you said.

“I was kinda freaking out that you hated me,” he said.

“Dude you gotta relax,” you said. “Have a brownie and some ice cream.”

He got up and after a minute took a seat at the other end with a bowl of his own, smiling as he got a taste.

“This is fucking awesome,” he said.

“I know,” you said, Jensen smirking. “Do you feel better now silly boy? I promise that if you ever do anything I find inappropriate I will promptly kick you in the balls.”

“I can agree to that,” he said. He ate for a moment, watching the TV and laying back. “Do you ever like, want to go do things with your friends on a Saturday night? If you do that’s totally cool. These aren’t normal hours anyways.”

“Being a nanny eats up a lot of your social life,” you said. “Kinda got kicked out of my friend group after I broke up with my ex anyways.”

“Well they sound like they suck,” he said.

“Yes, they do,” you said. “I don’t mind so much. I meet plenty of new people through work. Only person you can depend on is yourself and I don’t tend to let myself down.”

“That’s a very lonely way to go through life,” he said.

“It’s not easy to make friends in your thirties,” you said. “Maybe for someone like you who travels and meets new people a lot and stuff but you have like, real friendships. You know?”

“Well we have a real friendship, don’t we? You’re friends with Jared and Rob and Ruthie and Rich,” he said. “I don’t trust just anybody with my kids. That’s real.”

“Yeah,” you said, taking a bite. “So when’s your friend free?”

“Hm?”

“Blind date guy. Maybe he could be a friend if things work out,” you said.

“Oh yeah. He uh, he actually got a gig up in Canada so you might need to wait like a month or so. But he’s excited to meet you,” said Jensen.

“Can I have his number?” you asked. “Or do you think that’d be weird?”

“No, not weird. I think he just kinda wants to do it old school if that’s okay. Meet you first and go from there.”

“This friend of yours better be like super hot,” you said.

“If it’s a problem-“

“I can respect him wanting to do things like that. But I’m gonna want a firm date soon,” you said.

“I’ll make sure to get you one,” he said. “I’ll get it down tomorrow, promise.”

“He better not mind me eating like this either. I ain’t a salad on the first date kinda girl. He’s gonna need to keep up with my eating while were at it,” you said. He snorted in his seat beside you and ran his hand over his face.

“I will keep that in mind. I have occasionally had dessert first truth be told,” he said.

“This is why I like you Ackles. You get my sweet tooth,” you laughed.

“It’s a good thing your dinners are healthy cause I swear I haven’t consumed this many baked goods in months,” he said. “The kids love it and my stomach loves it though.”

“I’m gonna need to start working out though if I keep this up. Oh hey is it okay if I do laps in the pool in the mornings? I’ll be super quiet and stuff.”

“You don’t gotta ask,” he smiled. “Like I said when you started, you got free reign to use the pool, the gym, whatever, aside from my room. You a swimmer?”

“Not really but I hate running and supposedly it’s a good workout or something,” you shrugged, eating another bite of brownie.

“Anything in the gym you’re free to use. I know you must get a little bored sometimes when I’m gone and the kids are,” he said.

“Not bored per say. Ordinarily I would do more chores but you have like a cleaner and a landscaper and you just...give me more time in the day than I’m used to is all. It’s actually great though. It gives me plenty of time to come up with ideas for the kids and stuff.”

“Well as long as you’re taking breaks and your lunch do as you please,” he said, his spoon scraping the bottom of his bowl.

“Now that’s just sad.”

“I really should get another one of these,” he said, sucking the spoon.

“It’s really the only choice you have,” you said. He laughed as he hopped up, skirting back into the kitchen and fixing up another brownie and ice cream combo.

“Hey you want more, Dee?” he asked. You popped your head up and he spun around. “I’m-“

“Don't apologize, Jensen,” you said. He tapped his fingers against the counter and took a deep breath, putting his back to you.

“That’s the second time tonight I’ve done that,” he said. 

“Jensen. There’s nothing wrong with missing your wife.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“You don’t...talk about her much.”

“It was...she wasn’t…” he trailed off. He sat down on a barstool and you got up, walking over and hopping up on the counter beside him. You set your feet in the stool next to his and paused before you put a hand on top of his head and ran your fingers through the short strands. “This shouldn’t have happened to her.”

“Death is the price for living. Pain’s the price for caring. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth it,” you said. You started to move your hand away when he turned his head. 

“Don’t…” he said, easing when you played with it gently again. “That’s always calmed me down since I was a little kid.”

“Someone should take care of you every once in a while you know. Your parents, siblings, friends. Everyone needs a break.”

“I had a lot of help at the beginning. I don’t need a whole day. Just a moment here and there,” he said quietly.

“It’ll be okay, Jensen,” you said. He nodded and you played with his hair a few moments, watching his shoulders ease. This time when you pulled away he smiled up at you. “Better?”

“Yeah. Thank you. That’s not in your job description to do that sort of thing.”

“Well I think your wife would want somebody to watch your back, even for only a minute or two,” you said.

“You don’t have any brain aneurysms I should know about, do you?” he chuckled. 

“No. That what happened?” you asked, a single nod coming from him.

“She was sleeping. Not a bad way to go I was told, you’d never even know,” he said. “Not a fun thing to wake up to in the morning though.”

“My dad had a mass at the back of his head. It was that same kind of thing where one second it’s fine and the next everything’s different deal. It was inoperable. Then he goes and dies from a car accident of all things before it got bad. My mom had a hard time with that.”

“You said she had a boyfriend later on right?” he asked.

“Yeah. I know you’ll be okay, Jensen,” you said. You ruffled his hair and he smiled, a soft look on his face. “Pro tip too from someone who’s been there, kids with a single parent turn out just fine.”

“Do they ever wish they had another parent?” he asked.

“They wish the parent they still have around is happy again someday. They won’t understand until they’re older that it’s a different kind of love between parents. But they’ll know it’s a little different and they’ll hope dad feels better too. Your kids are tough. They’ll be okay too.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” he said. You hopped off the counter and washed up your dish, sticking it in the dishwasher before you went to leave for your room. “So I gotta ask. Who takes care of you?”

“Me?” you asked, pointing to yourself. He shrugged and smiled, your gaze going past him. “I’m all good. I don’t need somebody to take care of me.”

“Liar,” he said softly. “You know my friend tells me everybody needs to be taken care of sometimes.”

“That’s the difference between us Jensen. You’re not like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed, his face scrunching up suddenly.

“It means you’re not on your own and even if you feel like it, it’s only been a little while. You’ll be okay. I’ve been taking care of myself since I was a kid. I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“You haven’t lived my life and I haven’t lived yours. Don’t try to tell me that I’m not capable of-”

“It’s not about what you’re capable of. You said pain is part of life, it’s the price for living. You’ve had more than your fair share-”

“Lots of people have it a lot worse.”

“Don’t compare your pain to someone else's. They haven’t lived your life,” he said. You rolled your eyes and started to walk away, Jensen out of his seat and catching up with you in the hall. “You can be taken care of too you know.”

“By who? My non-existent circle of friends? My crappy ex? My mom’s ex boyfriend who’s got his own wife and kids? I am perfectly fine managing all of this by myself. I’ve been doing it for years.”

“You’re so frustratingly annoying,” he said, running his hand over his face. “Me. I’m talking about me. You just...you took care of me tonight. The least I can do is show you the same compassion.”

“No,” you said.

“No? Why not?”

“Because taking care of me turns into you walking into my shower without my permission and you being a dick and this going away and I don’t want you to be those things so no. We’re getting too friendly. Please leave me alone tomorrow.”

You left him in the hall and went down to your area of the house, shutting the door after you. There was quickly a knock and you growled, ripping it open.

“What?” you snapped at him.

“I am not going to hurt you or be a dick to you or whatever else you think. You need to realize in the real world, not everyone is an asshole.”

“You’re the one not living in the real world then, Jensen. Everybody’s an asshole.”

“Fine. I’m an asshole. But I’m not leaving until you say I can take care of you tomorrow. Two minutes is all I’m asking for.”

“This is my part of the house.”

“And technically I am outside your door,” he said. “Why are you so resistant to somebody doing something nice for you?”

“Because I don’t wanna get used to it,” you said. He stared and you shook your head. “You’re attractive and an actor and kind and funny and it’s not a matter of if you date again but when and when that day comes, we ain’t gonna be sitting on the couch eating ice cream anymore. Please do not invite me to anymore outings as a friend. I’ll attend if required as a nanny but this between us is done.”

“For the record, the only one around here that thinks of you as just the hired help is you. My children are completely like their old selves. I feel more like my old self. You seem happier than when I met you but for some reason, that’s a big problem to you. I do not understand that.”

“Leave or I resign and move out first thing,” you said. He crossed his arms and lifted his chin. “This is my formal resignation then. The company will-”

He moved quickly and you weren’t sure what he was doing at first but soon you realized he was hugging you, your hands resting against his chest. You swallowed and he didn’t move, your forehead resting against him.

“What are you doing?” you breathed out.

“When’s the last time you got a fucking hug?” he asked.

“The kids-”

“Not the kids.”

“I don’t remember,” you said quietly. 

“Then you are overdue,” he said. You let yourself reach your arms around him and return the hug, breathing deeply, a small bubble in you rising up. You tried to push it down but it came back harder and you were fighting back tears before you knew it. 

He could feel when you lost that battle, hand rubbing up and down your back. There was a soft shushing in the air and after a few minutes you felt better. You lifted your head but didn’t look at him, Jensen squeezing you in his hug again before it eased.

“You know you’re not allowed to quit on me...like ever,” he chuckled. You let out a small laugh, Jensen smiling at you when you forced your head up. He wiped off your cheeks and you let out one last sniffle. “You’re not alone. I promise you’re not. It’s not the quantity of people you have in your life but the quality and I’m sorry but we are friends and there’s nothing you can do about that so I’d just accept it now.”

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch.”

“You were scared, not a bitch,” he said. “I wish I could make you happier is all.”

“I wish I could bring back your wife for you,” you said.

“One of those is a lot more possible than the other,” he said. A small smile crossed his lips before he ducked his head down, shoulders heaving back before his head raised. “Y/N, can I confess something to you? I hope...I hope it doesn’t bother you but if it does, you don’t have to continue working for me. I’d still like to be friends regardless.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked, Jensen looking past you.

“My single friend I was going to set you up with? He doesn’t exist.”

“Oh.”

“Cause he’s kinda me.”

“Oh,” you said, staring at him, a lot of his previous behavior starting to click into place. “That’s…”

“I know,” he said, stepping away and rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s weird and douchey and I’m sorry. I like you and I was trying to see if you would ever go for a 42 year old actor. I left out the widow and kids part but...I’m sorry.”

“When did you like me?” you asked quietly.

“The whole time?” he said, laughing nervously to himself. “It’s kinda snowballed since we met. I never in my life thought I’d like someone again. I didn’t want to like you. I hired you because you were the best candidate and I knew the kids would be in good hands but everyday it’s there, even more, and I know this is so inappropriate on so many levels and I’m really starting to ramble here but you make me think maybe your mom had a point and people are allowed to have...more than one…and sometimes the way you talk to me and treat me and look at me...” 

He swallowed as you stepped in front of him, taking a quick breath. 

“I will keep working for you and I’ll be your friend...and you can make me dinner tomorrow,” you said with a smile. “We’ll see where it goes from there?”

“You’re not...weirded out?” he asked.

“By your age, you’re my boss or the cheeky lying about a fake friend?” you said.

“All of the above.”

“Age doesn’t bother me. You have no idea how to be a boss, no offense, and the friend...I don’t blame you for wanting to test the waters first,” you said. “But I expect honesty from here on out.”

“Absolutely,” he said.

“Good,” you said.

“You do like me right?” he asked. “Like you don’t feel obligated or-”

“I like you Jensen. Why do you think I was trying to push you away before you got too close? I didn’t want to be hurt.”

“Give me a chance to not,” he said. “We can have dinner and see how it goes from there.”

“Normally the best course of action,” you said.

“But maybe with a few more hugs from now on,” he said. “For the both of us.”

“That’d be okay with me,” you said. He smiled and you returned it. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“I guess you will,” he said. He turned to go when he spun back on his heels. “Or we could go back out there, eat way too much dessert and hang out?”

“Yeah,” you said with a smile. “Give me a minute to wash up my face.”

“Take all the time you want. I’m gonna change into something more comfortable anyways.”

He left and you washed off your face in the bathroom, drying it off and taking a deep breath.

You did like him. There was something calming about him to you and you enjoyed his company, even if it was just the two of you having a quiet cup of coffee in the morning.

But he was an actor. And kinda famous. And a widow. And had three kids. 

“But your face is cute,” you said aloud, looking the mirror. “Gah, of course you have to be like...into me. Nutjob. He must be a nutjob. That’s it.”

“Y/N?” you heard him saying and you smacked yourself in the face. “Are you talking to yourself?”

“Uh, yeah,” you said, stepping out and seeing him in the hall sporting a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt. “That was fast.”

“Well I didn’t go through an eight step skin routine too,” he chuckled.

“For your information, my routine is only three steps,” you said, walking past him and waggling your fingers.

“I didn’t realize I was living with such a savage,” he said. You laughed and went back to the kitchen, making up another dish of brownie for him while he went over to where he kept his liquor. “You a bourbon kind of girl?”

“Is there any other kind?” you said.

“Touche.” He poured out two glasses and slid one over while you passed his bowl to him. “So what’s this three step routine? Do I need to up my game or what?”

“I think I need your routine, not the other way around,” you said.

“Nah. I like looking at your face more than mine. Trust me.”

“Oh. How long you been holding back those kinds of comments?” you teased.

“Longer than you’d think,” he said, sharing the bowl with you. “Feel okay now?”

“Yeah. I can’t remember the last time I cried,” you said. “Especially in front of someone.”

“A good cry session has never hurt in my experience. I’ll do it for work and stuff but normally I’m not much of one. Aside from the past six months I mean.”

“Are you ready to try this?” you asked.

“Yeah. I know I am,” he said. “I’m positive of it.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because you make me happy. You make me...want to do stuff again, believe in all the romantic...if I wasn’t ready, I’d feel guilty. But I don’t. I just know that maybe some people get more than one chance and maybe I’m one of them.”

“I know you are, whoever it ends up being,” you said.

“Are you ready to try this?”

You took a drink and bite of ice cream, pushing the bowl back.

“I miss my family,” you said. “I miss being happy. I’d like to...have someone that could take care of me for a moment every once in a while. I might mess that up sometimes but I’m willing to try.”

“Me too,” he said. “I’d expect some screw ups on this end too. I’ve been out of the dating game for a long time.”

“I’m sure it hasn’t changed all that much,” you said.

“Well I’ve never dated with kids and as a widow,” he said.

“I’m just in this for them to be honest,” you laughed. 

“I see how it is,” he said with a smirk. 

“I don’t think it’ll be as hard as you think,” you said.

“I hope not,” he said. 

“Do they know? You want to date?”

“JJ does,” he said. “She’s little but she understands that it doesn’t mean I’ll never love her mother any less. She’s been strangely okay through this whole thing aside from the first few weeks. She helps her brother and sister out more now.”

“As someone who was that kid, minus the siblings, I know they’ll be okay. She’s a great kid. I’ve met plenty of spoiled brats. Yours are not.”

“Well that might just be the second best thing I’ve heard tonight,” he said.

“Whatever was the first?” you teased, eating a spoon of ice cream.

“Oh I think you know,” he said, stealing the spoon back. You smiled and heard some feet run around upstairs before the stairs creeped and a little head ducked down into view. “Arrow. It’s bedtime sweetie.”

“I had a accident,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, honey,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Want help?” you asked.

“Sure,” he said. He scooped up Arrow on the way up the stairs, setting her down in the kids bathroom. He got some clean pajamas and you found a pair of pull ups, Arrow pouting at you. 

“I don’t need ‘em,” she said.

“Your brother wears them. I wore them and your mommy and daddy wore them. Everybody wears pull ups when they’re your age,” you said.

“Just tonight,” she said, stepping into them. Jensen walked past with the mattress liner and she was dressed by the time you heard the washer going off in the distance. You walked her back to bed, Jensen slipping in past you and tucking her in. “Night daddy.”

“Night sweetie,” he said, kissing her temple. 

“Night Y/N,” she said.

“Night night kiddo,” you said, giving her a tiny wave before you left, Jensen flipping off her light and pulling the door shut. 

“Come here a second,” he said, nodding and you saw him head towards his room. The double doors were open and you stepped inside, Jensen going past the bed and over to a set of french doors. He pushed one open and waved for you to follow, showing you out to a rooftop balcony.

“Wow,” you said, a set of chairs, a table and a lounger out there along with a whole lot soft string lights. “I didn’t realize you had this up here.”

“Kinda a place to go unwind, relax,” he said. “I disappear out here sometimes. Been out here a lot at night lately.”

“Thinking about what?” you asked.

“You,” he said. “I talk to Dee about you sometimes as crazy as that sounds.”

“Doesn’t sound crazy at all,” you said.

“I just wanted to say...this area isn’t off limits anymore. Nothing is,” he said. 

“She asked you out, didn’t she,” you said with a smile. He rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. “You’re cute.”

You leaned up and kissed his cheek, heading back towards inside.

“Come on, Jensen. Before the ice cream melts on us.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 4 here!

[everybodyscupoftea]

let it snow

college isaac x reader

finals week hell capped off with the first snow of the season

(warnings: mentions of not taking care of yourself during finals - lack of sleep, over-caffeinating, etc; cursing; very little editing)

Finals week fall of your third year was ugly. It was a grueling combination of coffee and protein bars with absolutely no sleep. There was a table you’d managed to claim on the third floor of your campus’s library, and the only time you left was for an ill-advised gym trip to wake yourself up.

Isaac didn’t like the silence of the third floor like you did, so he’d been working with some of the kids in his major. You texted him a few times a day, but for the most part, you’d been reworking every single homework assignment you’d been given all semester.

Mid-way through the week, you made a trip to Taco Bell for actual food that wasn’t toast or a protein bar, much to Isaac’s displeasure. He watched you eating it with a weird look, so you finally asked, “What?”

“How much have you eaten this week?”

“Lots of protein bars and breakfast.”

“And instead of letting me cook something good for you tonight, you got fast food?”

“Yep. Braincells are overworked, so I didn’t think that far ahead.”

Stiles was sitting on the opposite end of the table, working on a research paper for his criminal justice course, and snorted, “Dude, she’d rather Taco Bell than your cooking.”

“That’s not true, I definitely said I forgot.” you muttered, trying to defend him.

He shrugged, “That’s not what I heard.”

Isaac rolled his eyes and shoved Stiles’s shoulder, “Fuck off, dude.”

“Who’s editing your Shakespeare paper? Me. Show some respect.”

“Stiles makes a point,” you responded, taking the last bite of your quesadilla before breaking off into a large yawn. 

The furrow between Isaac’s brow was back when he looked at you, and you stood up, rolling your shoulders out, ready to go back to the library to work through another set of structures homework.

“Hey, when’s the last time you slept?” Stiles asked, shutting his computer gently.

“Like,” you paused, trying to think, “last night.”

Immediately, Isaac chipped in, “How long?”

“Three hours?”

“And the night before?” Stiles was walking over to you.

“Oh, no sleep that night. Got sucked into some geotech homework and the next thing I knew it was 6 a.m. So I went to the gym to get some endorphins going, had some breakfast, and got another coffee.”

“You should sleep,” Isaac told you.

“Only two more tests, and then I can rest.”

Stiles sighed, “At least take a shower.”

“Actually, that would be great.”

Isaac nodded, and you could tell he was already trying to figure out the best way to get you to stay the night. You were determined to power through for a bit. 

Getting out of the shower, feeling significantly more alive, you put on the clothes Isaac had left for you, and started toweling your hair off. You checked the outside temperature, wincing when you saw how fucking cold it was, and started layering back up.

Isaac was sitting on the couch, scrolling through Netflix, when you walked out. He jumped up, “Where are you going?”

“Library for a few hours and then bed.”

“What time is your first test tomorrow?”

You sighed, trying to think, “Fuck, I need to check. I think 10:30 in the morning.”

“What class?”

With a grimace, you answered, “Structures.”

He looked like he didn’t really want to let you go, but he knew you’d be really upset if he tried to keep you back. Nodding, he smiled softly, “Text me after your test tomorrow.”

“I will.”

Putting a hand on his shoulder for balance, you rose up on your tiptoes to give him a goodbye kiss. When you pulled apart, Isaac reached over and grabbed a beanie from the hook next to the door, gently putting it on your head, tugging it down to cover your ears.

“Don’t want you to get sick,” he flicked your nose.

You clutched your chest dramatically, “My hero.”

He sighed, feigning exasperation, and nudged you out the door, “Go finish the semester.”

-

Structures and geotech, both on the same day, kicked your ass. After the geotech final at 2:00, you stumbled out of the classroom, eyes practically shutting. You weren’t sure that you could make the drive back to your apartment.

Taking one more sip of coffee to power through, and after a few minutes, pulled out your phone. Isaac’s apartment was fairly close to the civil engineering building, so you decided to call to see if you could crash there.

“Isaac,” you started when he answered.

“Hey, bub.”

“Can I stay at your place?”

“Yeah of course,” you heard ruffling in the background and suddenly his voice got louder, “are you close?”

“Walking that way. I don’t think I should drive back to my apartment.”

“Have you eaten today?”

“Fuck,” you muttered, “I was gonna pick something up on my way home, but I forgot.”

“No worries,” he was quick to reassure, “I have plenty of food here for you.”

“God, you’re the best.”

He stuttered a few times, and you could practically feel his blush through the phone, “Hurry up,” was his weak response, and you laughed, hanging up.

The walk was easier after that, though the sky was grey and the wind was picking up. You frowned, pulling your jacket tighter around you, and Isaac’s hat lower on your head. It took about three seconds for him to answer after you knocked, dressed exactly the same as the day before.

He had a plate ready for you, leftover fried rice and chicken, and pressed a kiss to your forehead. Before you could start eating, he asked, “How were your tests?”

“Geotech was easier, but structures melted my brain in the morning, so who actually knows. What about your Shakespeare essay?”

“Stiles read it over for me last night and I submitted it online and dropped it off this morning. Been watching Netflix since then.”

You yawned again, stretching out with the hand not holding your plate, and walked over to the couch to sit down. Isaac sat next to you and hit play on whatever movie he’d been watching. Curling up, you dug in.

-

The rest of the afternoon was a blur. You faintly remembered dozing off during the movie, plate still in your lap, before Isaac woke you up and made you go to bed. He woke you up once more when he climbed in next to you.

 The third and final time you woke up, Isaac was gone. It was light outside, grey like snow was coming, and you had no clue what time it was, just that you were hungry again. You heard a burst of loud laughter before someone shushed them, equally loudly.

WIth a laugh, you climbed out of bed, heading to the bathroom connected to his room to brush your teeth and wash your face. Luckily, the clothes you’d left the night before were washed and sitting on his dresser, so you were able to change.

Scott and Stiles were on the couch, playing COD, when you finally walked out. Stiles hit pause and whistled, “Damn, look who managed to resurrect herself.”

“Looks pretty good for a dead bitch,” you joked back.

Isaac was in the kitchen, and you went over to see what he was cooking. He handed you a mug with a smile, “It’s hot chocolate. Figure you’ve had enough caffeine for a whole month this week. There is some coffee in the recipe, I saw it online.”

Taking a sip, you hummed, “This is fantastic.”

He beamed, “I’m glad you like it. I’m making taco soup for tonight, did you want a sandwich?”

“That would be great.”

Hopping up on the counter, you swung your legs back and forth and watched him make you a grilled cheese just the way you like it, tomatoes and everything. Isaac handed it over and ruffled your hair gently, “Eat up.”

“Very nutritious,” you commented before taking a bite.

He laughed, “I’ll make you eat veggies later. I want to go outside first, it snowed.”

“Oh my god, actually?” you gasped.

Leaning against the counter next to you, he nodded, “First of the year.”

“What time is it?” you finally remembered to ask between bites.

“3:00 in the afternoon. I texted your roommate while you were asleep to let her know you were alive.”

“Oh shit, thanks.”

Scott wandered into the kitchen, “So, we going outside soon?”

“We need to get out there before it gets all ugly,” Stiles added from where he was still on the couch.

“Let’s fucking go,” you hopped off the counter, eating your last bite.

The four of you traipsed outside after bundling up. There were a few other people outside walking around, a group of girls taking pictures under a really pretty snow-covered tree, and then your group making noise and kicking at the snow.

“I can’t take you guys anywhere,” you snorted when Stiles slipped and fell on his ass.

“God damn,” he muttered, “that hurt.”

Scott helped him up and immediately shoved a handful of snow down his shirt. Stiles squealed, twisting away from him, cursing loudly. You and Isaac laughed, his arm draped over your shoulder, until Scott turned your way with two more handfuls.

“If you put that down my shirt,” you warned, “I’m calling your mom.”

“You won’t.”

“Fuckin bet, bud.”

He dropped one hand slowly and turned to Isaac, “You’re on your own.”

While Scott chased Isaac across the parking lot, Stiles walked over toward the edge of the sidewalk, you following closely behind, interested to see what he was going to do with the mischievous look on his face.

With his foot, Stiles spelled out penis in the snow.

“Oh that’s mature.”

He glared at you, “Do better, I dare you.”

After a few seconds of thought, you spelled out send nudes and he had to concede defeat. Isaac came back a few seconds later, panting, cheeks red, and looked down, “Cute.”

“Thanks. Should I leave my Snap too?”

He rolled his eyes, “No.”

“You’re probably right. I have no interest in seeing an unsolicited dick pic this close to Christmas.”

“Just this close to Christmas?” Scott asked, “You’re okay with it the rest of the year?”

You paused, “Well no. Don’t make fun of me, my single braincell is still recovering.”

Stiles snorted, “Head empty snow day.”

“My mom will want a picture,” you told them, “set up the timer.”

It took five attempts, but you finally got one you were happy with. Isaac leaned over your shoulder, “Tell your mom I said hey.”

“Will do,” you muttered, looking at it again.

Scott stood on the right, eyes squinted with a wide smile, Isaac a bit behind him, one arm over Scott’s shoulder, one around you. Isaac’s smile was soft, looking straight at you. Stiles stood on your left, your arm wrapped around his shoulder, his hand reaching for yours, cheeky grin on his face while you glared playfully at him.

“Come on,” Stiles yelled, halfway up the stairs back to their apartment, “hot chocolate awaits!”

You hit send and followed after them, ready for another mug.

~

day eleven of @obxmermaid​‘s holiday challenge: playing in the snow

[starbornvalkyrie]

what we could be | part three

catch up here.

trigger warnings: depictions of anxiety, panic attacks

“Hellooo?” The sultry female voice repeated.

At least Aelin is sure she doesn’t need to get her ears checked--it was definitely a woman who answered. She pulled the phone from her ear to double check the name she dialed. Indeed, Rowan, bird emoji, in bold white letters stares back at her.

In the background, Aelin heard the rustle of sheets. A mumbled male voice.

Aelin immediately hung up and threw her phone to the other side of her bed. She pulled her knees to chest, tucked her head between them, and forced herself to breathe in and out. In and out. In. Out.

The pounding in her ears threatened to pull her into the oblivion she always tries so hard to avoid. Aelin’s anxiety started showing face after her parents died, only to worsen after her Uncle Gavriel. Her first night in Arobynn’s foster care was also the first time she had a panic attack.

For Aelin, they come in the form of water. She starts in a room, which is more like a glorified box. The walls are either made of glass or a clear plastic, she can never get close enough to tell, and although there is no ceiling, the walls run farther and higher than her eyes can see. Her room-box is on a beach somewhere with wet sand at her feet. In the beginning, she tried to dig her way out, only to give up when each handful of sand was replaced by twice that. Until the sand was up to her knees, trapping her. It’s always night time, the sky starless. The only light is provided by the sliver of a waning moon over the horizon.

Then the tide begins to rise. There are no waves yet, just a gradual increase in water. It reaches her feet first, naturally, and by the time the water reaches the opposite wall of her room-box, it’s at her knees. Then the water bounces off the wall, creating ripples in the water that threaten to throw her off-balance.

The force of the waves intensifies as the water reaches her waist. And then she’s tumbling. The first few times, she can still reach the bottom to push herself to the surface. She’s been through this so much, she knows that after her third push she needs to try and take the deepest breath she can manage before she’s pulled under for good.

That happens next. She’s unsure which way is up or down, right or left. She tries to swim in whichever direction feels right, but the water is endless and she’s no longer in the room-box. She’s in the depths of the ocean, too far below to where there is no current to guide her, only nothing.

All too soon, she runs out of breath, but she would rather suffocate herself than inhale water. Either way, her panic wins. Aelin is never the target, without her they cease to exist. It’s that fire in her heart that the panic is after because without that fire, Aelin is no more. Her attacks are smart because they know there are two ways to extinguish a fire: deprive it of oxygen or get it wet.

Aelin is about to release the hold she has on her lungs when she feels something in her hand. In the water, she can’t tell what it is until another set of fingers interlace with hers. 

Then she’s being pulled. Pulled and pulled, up and up, until the black of the water fades to blue. She never knows when it happens, but when she finally breaks the surface, there’s sunlight.

Slowly, she becomes more aware of her surroundings. Below her, she feels the fabric of her bedsheets, not the grains of sand. Her skin is damp from sweat, not soaked with sea water. Her breathing, while still shallow, is beginning to even out. 

Her years of going to the university’s wellness center kicked in after a minute, and she began to list foods in alphabetical order in her head. Apples, bananas, cake. She wiggles her toes. French fries, grapes, hamburgers. She stretches her legs. Kiwi, lasagna, mangoes. She flexes her fingers, her arms. Oranges, popsicles, quesadillas.

In. Out.

Spaghetti, tacos, udon noodles.

Aelin lifts her head and opens her eyes. She blinks a few times and is finally able to focus on the soft forest green eyes staring back at her. They are so similar to yet completely different from the bright emeralds she longs to see.

Her best friend just sat there, holding her sweaty hand in hers until Aelin was ready to speak. She had to clear her throat a few times before she rasped, “A woman answered his phone.”

Lysandra’s eyes widened ever so slightly, but her face revealed nothing as she grabbed a glass of water she must have brought with her. Wordlessly, she handed it to Aelin. She downed half the glass in one go, then finished it in two more. She kept the glass in her hands, spinning it mindlessly as they talked.

“I don’t think you need me to tell you that it might not mean anything,” she said.

Aelin sighed. “I don’t think you need me to tell you that my mind isn’t exactly in the right place to be thinking of silver linings.”

“I know, I do, but we don’t need to freak out about it quite yet. I mean, you were going to go on a date with Chaol, right?” Aelin nodded weakly, seeing where she was going with this. “And he doesn’t actually know about the baby yet. So truly, he hasn’t done anything wrong, yeah?”

“I really hate when you’re right.”

“I think you secretly love it.”

The corner of Aelin’s mouth quirked up for a split second. “You’re as insufferable as my cousin.”

Lysandra barked out a laugh that made Aelin giggle. The sound was short-lived as the best friends were enveloped by silence once again.

Aelin contemplated what to do next, knowing Lysandra was exactly right. She was going to go on a date with someone else. So why did the thought of Rowan with another woman freak her out so badly? Gods, she was a mess. She really wants to blame it on the baby.

The baby.

Aelin touched a hand to her still-flat stomach and picked up her phone, knowing she needed to just rip the band-aid off. Her phone showed no new messages from Rowan, but why would he call his ex when he can be tangled in the sheets with the sexy-voiced woman? Not the point, Aelin. Right. She opened her text messages, scrolling to her conversation with Rowan.

Her heart clenched and silver lined her eyes when she saw that the last message he had sent her was on New Year’s Day. It read, Here’s to you and me in 2020, baby. I love you. Within 24 hours of that message, their relationship went to shit. Aelin doesn’t even remember what really happened, but next thing she knew, she was standing in an airport terminal crying, single, and unknowingly with child.

Aelin took a deep breath to calm her nerves and typed out a simple, Hey Rowan. I know we haven’t talked since you left, but I was wondering if you could call me when you’re free? Just let me know, thanks.

She locked her phone and crawled back under the covers. Effectively drained from her panic, the fire that was burning so bright when she woke up was barely an ember.

The sound of Lysandra moving about her apartment lulled her back into a dreamless sleep.

----------

Rowan Whitethorn was tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally. He was so gods damned tired. His old friend, Vaughan, told him that if he took just one really easy study abroad class, he’ll essentially get a semester long vacation paid for completely by financial aid.

Rowan had a free elective left in his crazy pre-law schedule, so he chose photography. Just taking pictures of random shit, right?

Wrong.

His brain is overflowing with random information about aperture and lighting and exposure, and if someone tells him his angles are wrong one more time, he’s going to lose it. On top of that, he was assigned a partner to work with this whole semester. And because there really must be a god out there whose sole purpose is to spite him, his partner is his unbearable ex, Remelle.

He and Remelle are from the same hometown and went to the same middle and high school. They started dating the summer before they left for college and decided to stay together at the University of Terrasen.

He wasn’t sure what it was exactly that made him realize Remelle was a Grade A Bitch, but by the end of fall semester, he ended it with her. Then he met Aelin through Fenrys, and - well, he doesn’t want to think about her right now.

Rowan has been in Wendlyn for about two months now, running around the city finding subjects for their project. Wendlyn is one of the biggest cities he’s ever been to, and even if he commutes everywhere he’s trying to go, it takes him a whole day to barely cover sixteenth of the land.

It wouldn’t be so bad if he had someone else to split the city with, but Remelle usually spends her whole day seducing whatever poor bastard she can get to take her to bed that night instead. He’d drag Fenrys along if he could, but he opted to take an Old Language class and is stuck in a classroom at Mistward Tech.

The weather in Wendlyn was finally beginning to warm up after weeks of blizzards and freezing temperatures that put Terrasen winters to shame, so Rowan chose to wander on foot. He spends most of the morning taking practice shots of Wendlyn architecture and anything else that might look nice for the project.

Rowan had to admit this was a nice excuse to go sightseeing.

By noon, he was feeling good about the progress he made and planned to reward himself with whatever delicious spread their hosts had prepared for lunch. He figured he was about an hour walk away from their housing, so he opted to call an Uber.

It took him about five minutes of rummaging through the camera bag before he finally found his phone. The sun was so bright at this time of day that the only thing he could see was that his facial recognition wasn’t working. Using muscle memory, he typed in his passcode when the faint lines of numbers appeared. That didn’t work either.

Growing more and more frustrated and hungry by the minute, Rowan walked until he found an awning to use as shade. Blinking away the blinding spots from his eyes, his frustration morphed into anger.

This wasn’t his fucking phone.

Since when did he and Remelle have the same phone? With almost identical cases? He cursed her for whatever plot she’s probably scheming by switching their phones. He cursed her again for being the reason he’s way too exhausted to realize the phone he packed that morning wasn’t even his.

Rowan decided to order a sandwich and water from a shop nearby - using Remelle’s card from the wallet attached to her phone, because fuck you, Remelle - and walk back.

As he walked, Rowan let his mind wander to the golden haired beauty with turquoise eyes across the sea - the source of his emotional exhaustion. He loved her, would go as far as saying he was in love with her. But something about their chemistry had exploded in the weeks leading up to his study abroad program, and not in a good way.

For lack of a better explanation, he was confused. From the moment he met her in his own apartment with Fenrys, he knew they were going to be something. Not even a month later, they went on their first date and the rest was history. Not only was their friendship instantaneously synchronous, but when they finally crossed that intimate threshold, their chemistry was like no other.

Fast forward two years later, and they were better than ever. Aelin fit in with his friend group so perfectly she officially dubbed them “the Cadre” and herself as their “Queen”. Rowan was starting to take his future with her seriously.

But then Lyria transferred to the University of Terrasen.

Rowan never told Aelin about her. He didn’t think he had to. They were childhood to middle school sweethearts, hardly anything substantial. She moved before they got to high school when her dad was transferred to the Air Force base in Eyllwe. They kept in touch as best they could, but it was high school. Remelle was there and Lyria wasn’t. When Aelin came along, he forgot about her altogether.

His first week of senior year, he was waiting for his comparative law class to start, when she sat down next to him. His emerald green eyes met startlingly familiar chestnut ones, and Rowan felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was lucky it was the first day of syllabus week - it didn’t matter if he paid attention or not.

They caught up over coffee and started studying together throughout the semester. He told her all about Aelin, and when he finally introduced the two women, they were fast friends. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but at some point, Aelin’s demeanor began to change.

She was usually so confident with herself and her place in the world, but every time Lyria was mentioned, her eyes shuttered for a brief second. If he wasn’t constantly enamoured with the constant shift from turquoise to gold in her eyes, he would have never noticed.

Then her jealousy began to show, along with her possessiveness. It was unbecoming of her. But every time he brought it up, her pride took over and she denied all of his accusations. Every time he tried to explain that he loved Aelin and a romantic relationship with Lyria was a thing of the past, she brushed it off with an I know but continued to act like a stranger.

When he felt he couldn’t take it anymore, he used his study abroad as an excuse to take a break. He thought it would be a good idea for the two of them to spend some time apart and re-evaluate when he was back in Terrasen. At this point in time, if she hasn’t figured out that he has been faithful to her this whole time, he isn’t sure he will want to fight for them.

It was that thought that brought him back to the housing campus right outside of Mistward Tech. He marched himself straight to Remelle’s room, knowing that even though it was well into the afternoon, she was most definitely still tangled in the sheets with a stranger.

After a minute of incessant knocking, Remelle opened the door with an irritated, “What?”

Rowan didn’t bother being pleasant. “Give me my phone.”

“What are you talking about?” The glint in her eye told him she knew exactly what he was talking about, and Rowan was not having it.

“I honestly don’t give a fuck about what game you’re playing, but I’m exhausted, hungry, and need my phone back.”

“Why do you need it? Expecting a call from someone?”

“No? I just want it back?” Remelle stared at him with a look he couldn’t quite decipher before turning back into her room to retrieve his phone.

When they traded, she said, “You got a weird call this morning. I obviously thought it was my phone so I didn’t bother checking the caller ID, but the other person hung up without saying anything.”

Rowan mumbled a thanks then went to the kitchen to grab a snack to eat in his bed. As soon as he flopped on the bed, all he wanted to do was take a nap, but he managed to stay awake long enough to check his notifications.

Other than a few likes on a post he uploaded a few days ago, there was nothing interesting. He plugged his phone into the charger by the night stand and was about to close his eyes when the sound of an incoming text made him alert. It wasn’t just any sound, though. It was the first few notes of Fur Elise. Aelin’s favorite piano piece.

He quickly sat up on the side of the bed and unlocked his phone. What he read made his heart rate increase as if he was running up the side of one of the mountains near Mistward. She wrote, Hey Rowan. I know we haven’t talked since you left, but I was wondering if you could call me when you’re free? Just let me know, thanks.

He didn’t need to think twice about tapping her name on his favorites list and lifting the phone to his ear. It rang and rang and rang for so long, he thought she wasn’t going to answer. But then she did. And his heart skipped a beat at the sound of her voice.

“Rowan?” She sounded hesitant, like she wasn’t sure it was him on the other end.

“Yeah, it’s me. Um, how are you, Aelin?”

He could hear her heavy breathing, trying to steady herself. It made Rowan nervous. “I think so? It depends on the day, really. I, um, I actually have something I need to talk to you about. I had a whole speech planned out, but I don’t know if there’s a best way to tell you this.”

Rowan waited with bated breath. What could she possibly have to tell him? He wondered if she started dating someone else already. The thought made his stomach drop. But what else could it be?

Aelin took a deep breath with a forceful exhale. The next words that came out of her mouth made his heart join his stomach on the floor.

“Rowan. I’m pregnant.”

---

tag list:

@maddymelv​ || @lucy617​ || @tillyrubes10​ || @faerie-queen-fireheart​ || @tottenhamboys20​ || @the-third-me​ || @superspiritfestival​ || @rolltide7​ || @courtofjurdan​ || @sleeping-and-books​ || @aelinchocolatelover​

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #417-419

Been slacking on posting these, so here’s like three surveys over the past few days divided up. I just don’t feel like posting them individually. Beware, it’s a long post, haha.

Do you believe that animals don’t have souls? I lean towards the idea that they, at least more complex species with actual sentience, do in some way. It's hard to imagine like, a fly having a soul, but it's a nice thought. You could NEVER convince me some don't, though, like my late dog Teddy, Sara's old chameleon Jem, and I could go on and on. Have you ever not been able to swallow pills? No, I've always been able to. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to? Maybe like, Quinn. Something you don't hear a lot, for sure. Something more memorable. What are your thoughts on orange soda? Orange cream soda is BOMB. Man, been so long since I've had that stuff... Are you good with children and/or animals? Don't mean to brag, but people say I'm like a magician with animals. No matter what it is, I bond with it. Children, not so much. I'm awkward around them. Who in your life makes you smile the most? My cat, ha ha. If you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? Hm. Maybe high up in the mountains or in the Kalahari Desert. Do you plan on going to your high school’s reunion? No. I'm pretty sure I'd shatter from memories just entering the building. Would you want revenge on someone if they killed someone special to you? Or would you find it in your heart to forgive? "Forgive" my ass. They'd better get what's coming to them, even if I've gotta be the person to deliver it. Is there someone you are dying to see? More than I think anyone could possibly know. But it's probably better if I never do. Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Married, yes. Having kids, no. I could only picture that in one phase of my life, but like I called it: a phase. I should never be a mother, nor do I want to be one to begin with, so yeah, no kids for me. Do you like to take walks? If my legs were actually worth a shit, yes, I would, if it's in a nature-filled area. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White. Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No. Could you say something good about the last person you kissed? She's very resilient. Why are you single? Because 1.) I'm a very unappealing example of an adult, 2.) I'm not exactly very attractive, and 3.) I'm basically a hermit, so I don't meet people. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? Hypothetically, in almost any case, I wouldn't. My imaginary boyfriend can have female friends. But I'll admit if it was like, an ex-girlfriend or something and it was a seriously intense hug, I might. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yes, but I mean, who doesn't. Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? You make this sound so scandalous lmao. Yes, plenty of times. I dated a dude and briefly lived with him for three and a half years. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Who was the last person that you cried in front of? I'm sure it was Mom. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. Do you remember every single person that you’ve kissed? Yeah. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, oh yeah. The planet itself, given the infinite nature of the universe, also yes. At SOME point, even if it's zillions of years down the line, Earth is gonna get fucked by something. Are you socially awkward? I am the literal avatar of "socially awkward." Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Horror. Who is your favorite actor/actress? MARK IS A FUCKIN' ACTOR, Y'ALL. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Are you good at admitting your problems? HA! Yeah. ezpz Have you ever had a hangover? No, never been drunk to begin with. Do you know any strippers? No. How many times have you dyed your hair? I ain't counting. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Dinosaurs. Do you think you eat healthy? I try to. I have my bad days, though. Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? My immune system is the fucking MVP. I am just about never, ever sick. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate, duh. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah, no biggie. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? Omg no, I woulda been mortified. Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? Yeah, as a kid. Would you rather have a cat or a dog? I prefer cats. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Like... six times, I wanna say. What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Orchids, but I also love dahlias. I've actually noticed that I've really had a greater "thing" for flowers lately. Like don't get me wrong, I've always loved flowers very much, but I've just found myself more drawn to them than usual, especially when taking the daily hour ride to the TMS office. Do you watch Toddlers and Tiaras? FUCK no. That show disgusts and angers me so much. If someone asked you to go to war today, what would you say? Yeah, no. Funny joke. I couldn't go anyway due to mental health issues and a suicidal history. Do you own an old vintage typewriter? We used to when I was little. I have no idea what happened to it, though?? Hell, maybe we still have it somewhere, but I doubt that. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ew, does ANYONE like the smell of fish??? Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I got a few pages into The Fault in Our Stars, but stopped for no real reason. I didn't not like it or anything, I was just still in my "I don't read" episode. Are you a protective person? VERY. I'm a fucking guard dog over those I love most. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're cute. I especially think emperor penguins are very majestic. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don’t have a favorite author. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? Neither's. I think my maternal grandpa had blue eyes, though? I'm not sure at all, though. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? Not sure. Has there ever been a murder in your town? "A" murder? Thems is rookie numbers for my neck of the woods, fella. This place is known for crime, and that includes murder. When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing? Well, I have seriously severe sleep apnea, so... but the diagnosis came as a surprise to me, because I never DID think this. But sure enough, did a sleep study, and in just one hour's time, I stopped breathing like what, 30 times? What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Stupid drivers. Do you have any life-changing plans within the next 6 months? I guess getting a job could be pretty life-changing. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? I'm very, very scared. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? Hm, I dunno. Where does your grandma live? Both of mine are dead, but my paternal grandmother lived in Michigan, while my maternal one technically lived in Florida, but stayed in New York with her son's family a whole lot. I don't really know where she stayed more. Do you know how to read music? Not anymore. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone special? Not so much the song, but the band. Motionless In White is one of his all-time favorites, so I can't listen to them without thinking of Jason. Sucks because they've been becoming one of MY favorites, too, so I listen to them a lot. If the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? I'd tell him he was in a love with a person who no longer exists. It's impossible for him to be in love with me now when he doesn't know how much I've changed. If Facebook made you pay would you still use it? Ha, no. Have you ever been recorded on film without your permission? Not that I know of? Tell me about your last boyfriend? He's a wonderful person. He's been there for me without fail since we became friends in high school band, and he is SO fucking funny. He's always cared a lot about me, and I care a lot about him, just not in the same way he does me. He's like my big brother. Are your parents racist? My dad definitely is. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math and economics both sucked. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Almost certain no. I'm pretty sure Dad didn't fight for custody at all, but it could've been something Mom just never told me. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I NEVER could. Do you have any siblings you neglect? .-. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? I went to Vacation Bible School, if that counts. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah, until that big news story about a dirty needle pricking a child. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Not to my knowledge. I highly doubt it. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Cheese quesadilla with fiesta potatoes. Rarely a pair of those cinnamon ball thingies. Ever consider a sex change? Nah. Do you eat whip cream straight out of the can? EW no. I hate the texture of whipped cream. What do you think of popcorn? Loooove. Have you ever dated any of your friends’ ex? No. Well, it's funny, Rachel (both Juan's and Jason's ex) and I are friends now, but definitely weren't at the time of us being together. Have you ever gone out with someone even though one of your friends liked that person first? If yes, did you feel bad? If no, were you tempted to? No. Would you rather be a rich musician, or a rich actor? Musician. What was the last charity you donated to? I don't recall. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? I've told the "my friends and I saved hundreds of tadpoles" story enough times, so for this question, I'll just talk about when I would go fishing with Dad as a kid. Back then, if I got bored of actually fishing, I would walk along the riverbank and try to catch tadpoles and minnows in my hands. It was soooo fun to Kid Brittany. Do you walk fast or slow? I walk pretty damn slow. Can you juggle with more than two items? I can't juggle, period. Do you like jalapenos? Yeah! Do you like kiwis? Yessss, I love kiwi! Does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? Who is it anyway? I don't know if she still does, but my little sister used to go deer hunting with a friend.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Yeah, my pet snake's 40 gallon terrarium. What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? It's quite diverse, but I think I mostly have templates for specific character profiles. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No, I'm a good noodle. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Certainly! It's beautiful there. If you have a cat, does it ever “converse” with you? Oh, ABSOLUTELY. When I talk to him, he sure does try to answer me and it's the cutest thing, ha ha. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Yeah, that’s what I use. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Yeah, guess he changed his mind. Name one of your ex’s mother’s names? Virginia. Does your favorite song have a meaning? BIG TIME. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? I've written one. .-. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? When I was changing her diaper, she got up and ran around naked in the house. ;-; Do you own a nightgown? No. If you could get any pet right now, what would you get? i. want. my. tarantula. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No. That is just such a TV trope that I've never even heard of happening irl. Do you/did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I only had a locker in middle school, and I believe I didn't. I didn't want one in HS. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never a Legos kid; I played with Lincoln Logs. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Fuck no, man. Or ever. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don't have one, really. Are there any books you want to read? Besides the series I'm reading, I want to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but idk if I'll ever get to it, really. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? We don't have a close relationship, but I am nevertheless. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not really, it seems. First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? J, T, D, S. Do you like going to school sports games? No, I hated it. When Ash was a cheerleader, Mom made me go, and I was never happy about it. Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? An ex-boyfriend's, yeah. Did you get into your mom’s makeup when you were a kid? I don't think I did? Do you want anything pierced? Ugh, a lot of places. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating when you actually didn’t? I've never been accused of cheating. Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? No. I'm quite the opposite. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? Too many, really. What are you doing this summer? Nada. Do you still watch MTV? I never did. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yes. What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it? I'm unemployed. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? ^, and this might sound stupid, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't. Especially tattoos. No job is stopping me from doing things that improve my self-esteem and body image, particularly when I LOATHE my body. If a little bit of art makes me feel better about myself? Nobody is stopping me. What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love? "Crocs. Whyyyy?" <<<< THIS. First people hated them, now they love them??? They're hideous as shit. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don't really know. How often do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough for someone with skin as dry as mine. Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated? Yeah. Mom recently brought some old toys, I think? How weight conscious are you? You have no fucking idea. Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I prefer going to a theater. I enjoy the experience. What’s the biggest personality trait turn-off for a potential partner? Probably being an explosive/volatile person. I can't with that. Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I already am to regulate my period and tame the cramps. And if I was sexually active, I absolutely would want to be on it. What's your favorite late night tv show? I don’t have one. At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week? No. Do you have a favorite vocalist? Who? Queen's Freddie Mercury will probably always top the list. If you have a favorite photographer, can you describe their work? I don't have a favorite photographer. Surprisingly. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? If it's with someone I'm in love with and am in the mood, sure. What is one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? I did NOT expect to reach 25 like... *gestures at self* this. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never handle euthanizing pets and watching the families' hearts break. How long have you lived in the house you live in? Not even a year. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'm definitely sadder. Especially today. Do you like Subway? I do. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever found a spider on your bed? Yes. It's the scariest shit when one skitters across your blanket, because like, you LEAST expect it to happen in the comfort of your own bed. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not even remotely, if I'm being honest. I'm at a real low. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Years ago, when I was a vegetarian and went there for the veggie burger. How often do you cry? lol a lot Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Can you wire a plug? ... I don't even know what you mean by "wire a plug," so obviously no lmfao. Where were you when you got your first period? Well I think I actually *started* at school, but I noticed when I got home. Can you drive? I mean I'm capable, but I'm an incredibly anxious, overly passive, and just generally terrified driver. I'm so scared of when I finally get new glasses and therefore a new permit... but I have to get used to driving. Living where I do, public transportation is very, very limited, and I just can't have people driving me places the rest of my life. Exercise or healthy eating? I sadly hate exercising SO much. I'd rather eat healthy. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? Yeah. Are you more attracted to men or women? This can actually vary with time, which I originally thought was weird but is apparently normal for some bisexual individuals. There are spans where I feel more sexual attraction to men, and then other times women. Has anyone ever called you rich? God no, I am so far from it. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. Are you considered a very sensitive person? I'm way too sensitive for my own good. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes, my dad. I regret that letter I sent him so, so much. I honestly don't know how he can treat me with so much love after the shit I said. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I am... astonishingly behind on Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. I know, seriously incredible. I just don't watch TV, man. It's strange, I'm into the show, of course I am, I just... don't like sitting myself in front of a television and purely watching it. I'll catch up, though. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. But it's not like people have a reason they grind their teeth... they just do. Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I could, but I'm not going to. It'll just upset me. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but he is definitely not my friend. I can't stand his bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist ass. I don't know or care what his favorite food is. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab and Sinow play Resident Evil 5. People can say all they want about RE5, but I love it. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Waffles, but only if they're still soft enough to not be considered crunchy. I prefer them because I can put peanut butter on them, and the grooves catch the syrup instead of just absorbing it all like pancakes. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I don't/can't drink diet sodas because the artificial sweetener gives me a KILLER headache. Are you craving anything right now? You guys have no idea how badly I want Taco Bell for whatever reason. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? The latter. What was your first pet’s name? So, there's three answers to this. I was born into the family while we had a collie named Trigger, but I have absolutely zero memory of her. She passed when I was too young. Our first family pet that I clearly remember was Chance, our rescued cat. My first *personal* pet was either a guinea pig named Squeak or Chinese water dragon named Shadow. I can't remember who came first. Who was your best friend in elementary? It changed with the years, but I can say the three biggies were Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Probably Coach Collie. He was so wise, kind, funny... He was all-around just wonderful and taught so many life lessons. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Always. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Waking up and doing my first sweep of the Internet before I get bored outta my fucking senses. Do you read any web comics? No.

Do you drink bottled water? Yeah, but like any water, it has to be COLD. Not room temperature. Not a tad chilly. I mean cooooold. When did you last use a straw? Earlier. I have a metal straw I use to drink water with because I drink faster through a straw, and with it being water, of course I want to try to drink as much as I can when I actually choose to drink water. Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? No. Do you know anyone who lies to make themselves look more interesting? My former best friend did that. She was an online friend, so it made it easy. I finally caught on and called her out on it, and then she just totally dipped. Do you like to sing? Not that much, honestly. Like sometimes I feel like it, sure, but not frequently. Are your parents in good health? No, not really. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No. I feel bad saying it, but I know I never could be. I could NOT clean another human being. It's one of the bajillion reasons I'm not having kids. Do you like to take naps during the day? "Like" isn't the right word. I just... need to. Most days, there is NO way I can make it 'til night without one. What movie was your favorite to see in the movie theater? Even though it was sincerely a sucky movie, I really enjoyed watching Silent Hill: Revelation because I saw the 3D version, plus the hype over my favorite franchise getting a new movie was just very exciting. Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character? I was never into that. Ever watched The Blair Witch Project? Yes, and I positively adore it. I genuinely think it's a genius horror movie, never showing, but telling through other methods. Have a favorite AC/DC song? Probably "You Shook Me All Night Long." Are you good at selling candy for those fundraiser things? Omg nooooo I HATED doing that shit, especially when some amount of sales were like, required for whatever bullshit reason. I hate hate hate advertising to people. My parents always bought them instead. Have you ever had a crush on someone too old for you? No. Well, besides James Hetfield, ha ha. What's your favorite Dr. Suess quote? I don't know enough quotes to have one. If you were to have wings, what would you want them to look like? Dark and dragon-esque with lots of rips and tears in them... but not enough to stop me from flying, ha ha. Have you ever broken up with someone to find you want them back later? No. Has anyone ever dared you to eat a chili pepper? Did you do it? No. Have you ever tried Thai food? No. Have you ever watched Avatar? The TV show, not the movie. I've seen I think one season with Sara so far? I actually quite enjoy it. What's your cellphone's signature for text? WOW this survey is ancient. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don't smoke it. Do you often take painkillers? I dunno about "often," but headaches to the point I take something aren't rare for me. Do you wish you were in a relationship? I mean yes, but I know it's for the better I'm not. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? I feel extremely guilty. I try not to think about it. Where have you lived for the most part of your life? Eastern NC. How old are you? 25. What are you listening to at the moment? Powerwolf came out with a new album, so I've been bingeing the shit out of some songs, ha ha. Right now it's "Blood For Blood." Do you watch WWE Raw? Ew, no. I have NEVER gotten the appeal of wrestling. Just like... why????? Do you dye your hair? Nowhere near regularly. :/ I haven't had it dyed in a very long time, and I hate it. I love colored hair. We just can't afford that expense on something so little. My hair does NOT take dye easily, so we have to have a professional do it, and that isn't exactly cheap. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mother, so. Have you fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college when I would be in the library between classes, though, I've dozed before. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, but not for physical issues. Do you make fun of obese people? You're talking to someone who is. So obviously no, and you're a piece of fucking shit if you do. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie. Have you ever tried to headbang? No. Even as a metalhead, I don't get it, man. You're asking for a headache. Do you own any Converse? What do you think of them? I have a few and like them. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I mean, I'm an admin on two sites, so I guess? Were your ancestors royalty? Yeah, I'm related to one of the Queen Victorias, I believe. I just know she had a thing for beheading people, ha ha. What do you like on your pasta/noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? Just tomato sauce and meatballs, really. Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way? My fucking ex-best friend. You could never, ever give her enough and she just... blegh. She was so fucking ungrateful for everything people did for her. It was just never enough. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)? I've held snakes, rats, lizards, and a tarantula. Who did you last play truth or dare with? No clue. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Yeah, they've moved out. What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I'd probably say my champagne ball python. A lot of people don't even know ball python morphs exist, so seeing her might surprise some people. Do you like Doritos? Yeah. When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? No, but I need to learn how to... I just HATE doing it. Have you used bugspray recently? No. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? Yesssss. Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? No. Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? Most of Jason's and my relationship felt like one. Hence why the breakup felt so sudden and just impossible. Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? Not even remotely. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Spread Teddy's ashes in Yellowstone. I promised him. Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I am an adult, and it sucks. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Any meat that was hunted. Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? I don't believe so. When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Mostly Disney films, like The Lion King and Finding Nemo. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Do you know what you want for your dream house? Nope. I honestly don't really care about having a "dream" house to begin with. I just need one that's cozy to me and gets the job done. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Many, many times. It's my favorite romance movie. Have you ever used the photo editing site “Picnik”? No, not to my memory. Has an animal ever taken a strong dislike to you? Our old dog Bentley didn't like me all that much, and I didn't like him, either. Have you ever attempted to cut your own hair? No. Do you have a lucky or special coin? No. Do you love ice cream cake more than normal cake? No. Do you check your email daily? No. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually. For a while many years ago, my old laptop left subtle burn marks on my legs. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? My nephew's is next month. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I doooo. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Ha, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Maybe when I went to SeaWorld as a kid? Did you ever have one of those easy bake ovens as a kid? Yup. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure. What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? Red velvet. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Two people. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve met online? Sara. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? I was very afraid of dolls as a kid, so I obviously didn't have one. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I mean, I'm a wannabe photographer that sells my service. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Can you still fit into kid’s clothes? Hell no. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What do you make wishes on? I only ever do for the tradition of it on my birthday. I don't believe in the magic of wishes, though. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Are you bitter about anything? Probably always will be. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? Never had one. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? Yes. It was identified as a fracture, but a break and a fracture are technically like the same thing, so. At a skating rink, I fell and landed on my hand so the top of it nearly touched my arm, so my wrist got FUCKED. I will never, ever forget the severity of the pins and needles feeling and just the experience in general. It hurt so goddamn bad. Is this the best year of your life? Fuck no.

[retvenkos]

“at least you’re here to flip the quesadillas”

WORKING A FAST FOOD JOB WITH OUR PUNK BOY™ MICHAEL HARRISON HAS TO INCLUDE...

michael wanted to work anywhere else

but, he needed a job to help his older sister pay the bills and taco bell was the only place that would pay him $10 an hour and would hire him within the week

you can fight me on this, but i 100% believe that michael was adopted by his older sister (who’s 10 years older than him) because his parents were abusive and neglectful

and you already worked there

when michael walked in wednesday after school, the purple taco bell t-shirt replacing his usual skull tee, you about died of laughter

you knew michael as the school’s resident bad boy who you had english with and who never participated in group projects

and now you knew him as “harrison,” your new co-worker that your boss kept forgetting the first name of

and then you started to have misgivings, because the last time you had to work with michael harrison was on an analysis of the themes in beowulf, and he had been missing most of the days you worked on it and barely presented his slides when the time came

but you were pleasantly surprised

michael, when he wanted to be, was a hard worker

and he was kind to the old ladies at the cash register

and patient with the mothers in the drive through that had screaming babies in the back of their car

and maybe he wasn’t the boy you thought you knew

and you were certain he didn’t remember you

and for two weeks, the two of you didn’t really ackowledge each other, even though you worked the same night shift on the weekends and your schedules matched on tuesdays and thursdays

but you shouldn’t have had such little faith in him

“hey, (y/n), can you get the register?”

okay, maybe he read your name tag?

and then, later, when you were going over vocabulary for your english quiz underneath your breath:

“the quiz was postponed till next week, by the way. i saw you weren’t in class today.”

“...thanks, michael.”

and that is the start of a beautiful friendship

when the nightshifts were painstakingly long, the two of you would make items for your “secret menu”

“what did you put in it this time?”

“time to figure it out.”

“did you put CHEETOS in this BEAN BURRITO?!?!?!”

“they made a doritos taco! same concept!”

“no, this is an unholy demon!”

or you have debates about whether or not movies are good, and no matter what, michael has to play the devil’s advocate

“la la land failed as a musical, drama, and romace!”

“the relationship of emma stone and ryan gosling was a romance of the ages.”

“then why weren’t they endgame?”

“because sometimes in life, endgame doesn’t happen because external influences put strains on your marriage.”

“they were never married.”

“do you think i’ve actually seen this movie?”

one of your favorite things to do with michael, though, is talk about school

because even though he hates the mandates that the state puts on the school, he still loves berry high

and michael is also the best, because he is not afraid to stand up for you

if a customer is being rude? you feel sorry for them

“i’m sorry, (y/n), is this man being rude to you? because i can call our superiors and pull them out of their meeting to come down here if it’s such a big deal”

and the two of you take turns deciding what playlist you should listen to while working, and michael actually has a really good angsty playlist?

and what’s really cute is how he lip-syncs to any song he knows the words to

“you know all of me by john legend?”

“obviously. i mean, the man is a legend.”

“oh my  g o d.”

night shifts are now fun, and michael agrees

he thinks it is absolutely adorable when you put your headphones in to mop and you dance to music only you can hear

and you buy michael a taco bell snapback and he wears it to humor you

you have a cherished photo of the moment

and in return he buys you a taco bell fanny pack and you scream

he also has a cherished photo of you

“if anyone ever proposes to me, they better give me a taco bell ring or i’m saying no.”

“do they actually have those?”

“god, i hope not.”

both of you  r i o t  when you find the weddings section on the taco bell merch website

“they even have ‘i do’ written on a few of these mild sauce packets!”

you pterodactyl screech

and, inevitably, when aiden, caleb, emma, and maria find out that michael works there, they become frequents of your humble establishment

caleb has a whole instagram highlight called ‘sightings of michael’ and they are all really shaky video’s of him working in his taco bell t-shirt

and you welcome them because now you have four more friends?

and how did you all become friends? everyone is so different.

and no one really knows

you start a web of conspiracy’s to satisfy your curiosity

and even in the summer, when everywhere is hiring, michael doesn’t quit because he would never “leave you alone in this hellscape”

sure.

“are you sure it’s not because you actually enjoy my presence?”

“that might have something to do with it.”

that doesn’t mean that the two of you don’t make jokes about working elsewhere, tho

“let’s work at sonic. i would work in the kitchen and you can wear those rollerskates and give people their tater tots.”

“i’d rather die. let’s work at del taco instead.”

“our rivals? what about loyalty?”

“treason was always my forte.”

“...make it taco time and i’ll consider it.”

“you really just want to work with tater tots, don’t you?”

“can you blame me?”

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

[permanentcrossfics]

Blurred Lines Part 3 // h.s.

This kinda just keeps… growing. Think this is the last of their forward moving journey for now, but never say never. I’ve struggled to find time and energy to tie this up for a few weeks now – sorry about the delay. Enjoy x

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Harry cleared his throat. “You busy?”

“Just got in.” Your keys clattered in the background. “What’s up? Good day?”

Yeah, but that wasn’t why he was calling. “Know I should’ve checked with you first, but turnabout’s fair play.”

You were silent and he swallowed before continuing, “Booked a flight today. Was wondering if you’d mind if….”

Silence. For as long as it lasted, he wondered if he’d fucked up.

“When?”

Harry’s shoulders sagged and he exhaled. “A month,” he said. “I was thinking maybe two weeks. Stowaway in your flat, f’you’ll have me. Can always kick me out.”

You laughed and he wound the hand that wasn’t holding the phone into a fist. “So, you’ll let me?” Harry’s face screwed up, bracing himself for your answer.

“What am I going to say?” you asked. “‘No’?”

Read NOW on Patreon // Tumblr // Wattpad 

The short time you’d been in London had, poetically, been the best of times and the worst of times. For the first day after you left, Harry kept finding proverbial footprints of your presence — the tube of toothpaste you’d left on his counter, the knife that wasn’t in the spot he would’ve put it, some of your hair on his jumpers to go with the smell of your shampoo that seemed to be part of the fibers of the yarn at the collars. When he first got back from the airport, he’d held his favorite one in his hands and stared it down, weighing the decision of whether to throw it, his sheets, and the rest of the traitors that reminded him you weren’t there in the washing machine before sighing heavily and tucking it away undisturbed.

It was at least a week before the smell rubbed out of the collar, and no longer than one month and eleven days until he was sitting in his kitchen, phone pressed to his ear and a lump for an Adam’s apple, listening to the ringing and calculating what time it was for you. You should be done with work, so—

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Harry cleared his throat. “You busy?”

“Just got in.” Your keys clattered in the background. “What’s up? Good day?”

Yeah, but that wasn’t why he was calling. “Know I should’ve checked with you first, but turnabout’s fair play.”

You were silent and he swallowed before continuing, “Booked a flight today. Was wondering if you’d mind if….”

Silence. For as long as it lasted, he wondered if he’d fucked up.

“When?”

Harry’s shoulders sagged and he exhaled. “A month,” he said. “I was thinking maybe two weeks. Stowaway in your flat, f’you’ll have me. Can always kick me out.”

You laughed and he wound the hand that wasn’t holding the phone into a fist. “So, you’ll let me?” Harry’s face screwed up, bracing himself for your answer.

“What am I going to say?” you asked. “‘No’?”

If the month between when you’d left and when he’d made the call had been long, the month until he flew out of Heathrow and landed in Philadelphia to avoid the city airports was even longer. His leg shook the whole drive to Manhattan, and by the time he got out, bags over his shoulder and under his eyes, he was so exhausted he could be knocked over with hardly a huff or a puff.

Stil, though, when you embraced him, he managed to stay still long enough to squeeze you close, nose buried in the scent of the shampoo that had long since faded from his jumpers.

“You must be tired,” you mumbled against his neck and he nodded wordlessly but didn’t make a move to let go of you. You stepped back first and pulled the strap of his bag from his shoulder. “Do you want to shower before dinner?”

“Might be nice.” It would be, and it was sorely needed, but he wrapped his hands around your forearms again. “C’mere….”

One kiss. Just one to say hello and to make him feel like his two months of penance for a crime he couldn’t name were over.

“Go,” you said into the kiss. “Before the food gets here and cold.”

“What food?”

“I ordered.” You pushed his chest. “Go!”

He always had to crouch awkwardly under your shower to wet the top of his head, and it always took him longer to wash up and rinse off with all the extra maneuvering he had to do, but after the flight, he couldn’t care less, and when he got out, he rolled his neck while drying his hair with the towel. Sweats, bare feet, and a hoodie to bear the frigid temperature of your air conditioned studio was the uniform for the night, and he tapped the light off before shuffling out and sniffing.

“Tacos?” he asked.

You nodded from your counter, unpacking a paper bag. “Two tacos, two quesadillas, nachos, guacamole….” You lifted out the final container. “And churros.”

Harry groaned weakly, hand on his stomach. “After my heart, you are.”

You smiled softly and he picked up the remote for the Roku. “Forget how your buttons always stick a bit,” he said, jamming down hard with his thumb.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, turning this way and that. “Where’s the—?”

“You’ve been watching without me!”

“Hmm?”

He gestured towards the television.

“I didn’t know I was waiting for you,” you said. “How was I supposed to know you’d turn up?”

“Gonna have to pick up where we left off,” he said, tapping your ass with the remote when you skirted by with plates of food, making you yelp.

“Ass,” you said and he grinned, bending to grab a quesadilla triangle.

Pick up indeed — it was like the last two months apart had never happened and you’d both been asleep for a very long time and woken up in a different city on the other side of the ocean. You snuggled into his side and the sense of urgency was at absolute zero. There was time — all the time in the world for you, and just you, and you could take your time to eat, and chat, and watch television, and clean up, and crawl into bed at the end of the night. Yours was smaller than his, but he found himself not minding at all in his dizzy delirium when you were practically half on top of him, legs linked and torsos wedged just so.

“See you in the morning,” he whispered.

You nodded against his chest and scratched it lightly with your blunt fingernails.

***

Harry couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a proper holiday, let alone one where he was on his own. This, he reasoned, must be what Dotty felt like waiting for his mum to get home from her outings. Every weeknight, he waited for your text that said you were leaving the office, and he busied himself with either cooking you dinner or picking up a takeaway. Cafe Habana was his first stop — a bicoastal taste test was how he explained it when you’d arched an eyebrow at him — but he also treated you to one of his curries and a roast that lasted for days. He got used to gauging your mood and determining if he should pop open a bottle of wine to pour you one a glass, and on nights he did, it took all of two sips before you were spilling your frustrations. He couldn’t keep up with the nameless, faceless people of a world he didn’t know, but he nodded and interjected his agreements appropriately, and when you slumped into him at the end of the night, he crossed his fingers that he’d done his job well.

The weekend was reserved for both of you together. It rained on Saturday, and he spent the morning peeling you out of your pajamas to fuck you slowly as rain pelted the glass panes that thunder shook. Not urgently going at it like time was running out, but there was a definite air of making up for lost time. It wasn’t until the storm cleared in time for the sun to set that you brought up the idea of venturing out.

“We could go to the park,” you said.

“Now?”

You shivered when he stroked your bare arm and curled closer. “Not now,” you said. “Tomorrow. We could bring a board game or some books. Make a few sandwiches for brunch….”

“People might think m’your boyfriend or summat. F’we do that— oomph.” He grunted when you pushed down on his solar plexus.

“Don’t be a dick,” you groused.

“M’not!” he said. “They would, wouldn’t they?”

You scowled and a slow grin spread over his face.

“Shut up,” you said.

“Didn’t say anything,” he said.

Every weekday, after you’d dressed and gotten yourself together  and escaped his kisses, he stood in your place and absorbed the silence, entirely at a loss for what to do.

Mostly he went to the markets — Chelsea Market, the Farmers’ Market in Union Square, and back again — and the parks. Those were riskier than the markets because people didn’t have their noses in goods to try to get the best for their money, and he rather liked being in the city without streams of people trickling after him, but with a pair of sunglasses on and his hood up, he was more or less innocuous. Galleries were another favorite — they were empty in the morning, and he’d walk the highline after popping into a few to see the trends. Restaurants were out of the question unless he was picking up to take back to your place, and he usually did this at about 2:00 in the afternoon, which left him with a chunk of time during which he had absolutely nothing to do and he flitted between television, writing, and dropping off for a nap. It was, he told you, the laziest he’d been since the sleepy summers of his adolescence before he was old enough to work.

“That’s the point,’ you whispered, tangled up with him and the duvet pulled up over your shoulders.

“M’twenty-five!” he slurred indignantly. “Got more t’do with my life than—”

“It’s good for you to relax,” you said. “Stop worrying about doing it all — it’ll be there when you go back.”

God help him he loved you dearly, but that was easier said than done.

No work — he’d promised you — but he cracked one afternoon and opened his laptop to log into his work email. The window was open on the first cool day the entire time he’d been there, and he was tapping away at the keys when your lock clicked and he froze. Seconds later, your door open and his head snapped up just as you slipped through the door. You were casual, timeless, and summary in jeans and a white button-down with the sleeves rolled up to your elbows, and, bag in hand and sunglasses on your head, you set your keys down before kicking off your flats.

“Bit early, innit?” Harry asked, hastily clicking out of his draft and shutting his laptop. You smiled almost nervously with shining eyes while setting your sunglasses down, and instantly he sat up some. “You ok?”

“Yes,” you murmured short of breath. You strode towards him, popping the button of your jeans, and you pulled his laptop off his legs and set it on the table before straddling his lap and his hands fell to your thighs to steady you.

“That’s alright, then,” he mumbled just before you kissed him. Deep, warm, he leaned into it and groaned his offense when you broke away.

“I couldn’t focus.” You took a deep breath and he gulped. “All I could think was I didn’t want to—” You kissed him again— “mmph… leave this morning, but I did, and I just wanted to come home, because I—” Another kiss, deeper and longer, and you sighed. “I don’t usually have someone waiting here.”

“S’a good thing,” he said. “Might have a few questions f’you did.”

You ignored his cheek and continued. “And I couldn’t think why I’ve spent the last two weeks you were here at work,” you moaned. “And you’ll be going, and—” You swallowed and shook your head, thighs squeezing around him. He was hyper aware of your weight and the solid feeling of you on top of him, and he was listening to you, he swore he was, but he was also doing his damnedest to try to keep his blood flowing instead of funneling to a head.

So to speak.

“Still here for a bit more,” he said.

“But only a bit.”

You plucked the buttons on your white button-down and his mouth went dry when his eyes dropped to watch the tantalizing bit of skin he’d had his eye on this morning become more exposed. “And you—“ you swallowed. “You came here for me.”

“Came to London for me, didn’t you?”

Whimpering, you shook your head, face crumbling, and pulled your shirttails out of your jeans. “No, that’s not… that’s not the same, that’s not—“ You whined and covered your face.

“Ok, hey,” he breathed. “Shh, shh, shh, it’s… s’alright.”

“I just—” You tugged your shirt half heartedly down one arm and he licked his lips, trying to will himself to stay focused where it mattered, but…. “I’ve been waiting all day, and I don’t want to wait anymore.”

“K,” he said dumbly and your chest heaved when you laughed. You cupped his cheeks and tilted his head back to force him to look you in the eyes, but rather than looking cross, you were glowing. Your throat bobbed and your mouth moved soundlessly before you got it out.

“I love you.”

Harry let out a breath like you’d taken a pin to his lungs. “Oh,” he said. “Well, that’s… Yeah, me too.”

Giggling under your breath, you shrugged your shirt off the rest of the way and, weak as he was, his eyes dropped again.

“I love you,” you repeated. “I love you, I—“

“Love me, yeah,” he said, drawing you in by the back of your neck to kiss you properly again. You groaned, fingers digging into his face, and the kiss grew increasingly heated when you pulled his T-shirt. Once you’d gotten it over his head, you stood and pulled your zipper down before shimmying out of your jeans while he struggled with the knot he’d tied in the drawstring for his joggers. “Shit,” he whispered, fumbling and plucking. “Shit, please… there.” He forcibly pulled them down his hips just as you dropped your underwear and kicked them from around your ankles, and his feet his the ground with a thud when he sat up and leaned forward, reaching for you.

“C’mere,” he said, holding you steady when you swung one leg over his lap.

“Wait… wait…” you panted. You nearly toppled backwards in an effort to hook your leg behind him, and you pulled a face when you attempted to do the same with the other.

“What’re y’doing?” Harry asked, fumbling with you on top of him. “Watch it, watch—”

“I’m trying to—” You grunted when you finally managed to lock both your legs behind his lower back and he held onto you for dear life, keeping you precariously balanced on his knees. “There,” you breathed triumphantly, looping your arms around his shoulders. “There,” you repeated, leaning in to press your mouth to his in a slow kiss, moaning into it. Harry exhaled shakily through his nose, cock on your stomach, hard, but growing harder. The selfish part of his brain was clamoring, wondering when he’d get to get in you, and the valiant part of him pushed back weakly because he could stand to take two minutes to kiss you, couldn’t he? Despite that, relief flooded him when you wrapped your hand around him and pumped slowly before lifting up a bit. A groan died halfway up his throat when you first pressed his head against you before the whole tip of him slid inside.

“Easy!” he rasped when you squeaked and nearly fell back. “Really making this difficult, aren’t you?”

“You can take it,” you slurred and he barked a single laugh and grit his teeth when you shifted forward. “There!” you gasped. “There, see? Oh God….”

Harry’s lip curled. Yes, there. Chest to chest with him and balls deep, pelvis pressed tightly against his, his knees shaking from how hard he was tensing his thighs for you. Not that he’d mind terribly if you took time off for him, but he’d prefer not having to explain to the doctor how you got the concussion. When you first rocked forward, a look of pure bliss on your face, he wound his arms tighter around your torso, hands spread wide across your shoulder blades.

“God, you feel good,” you whispered between pants, grunting when you ground against him more forcefully. “Ah!”

“Yeah?” He nudged upwards once, twice, and a third time, and legs locked around his back and arms hanging over his shoulders, your head tipped and you let out a throaty call close to agony.

“Harry! Oh!”

“Got me up to my balls, don’t you?” He grit his teeth, hand slipping against your back. “Shit! Got me.. got… oh fuck…”

“Please!” Your hips undulated quick, hard, mindlessly in their reason, and he could swear he was getting a cramp in his glutes from the force he was using to meet them. “Please, please, please, please--”

“M’here!” he groaned. “M’here, I’m here, I’m… I’m....”

His eyes rolled up when you leaned forward, chin on his shoulder and nails digging in hard, shuddering and panting wetly against his skin between incomprehensible mumbles. Pressing his own mouth against your skin, he held you close with one arm while his other hand slunk between you both. “Lemme help,” he muttered when you hiccoughed and your thighs tightened. “Lemme help, love, lemme….”

Chest heaving against his, you grappled his back as he stroked your clit, and after a few strong pulses of your cunt around his cock, you tensed and trembled, contracting quickly around him and sucking in sharp breaths.

“HarryHarryHarry…!”

“Christ!” he ground out, eyes burning from the flood of wetness. He picked up his thrusts, the sloppy sound of it music to his ears. He had the fleeting thought to not let go of you no matter what before he squeezed his eyes shut and he let out a shout against your shoulder, toes curled, thighs shaking, and balls tight as every rope of cum spurted high and deep inside of you.

“That’s it!” he said, voice reedy. “Oh, s’my girl!” Harry fell against the sofa, wincing when your ankles dug into his lower back. “Ouch!” He laughed under his breath and you apologized under yours, squirming before slumping against him in defeat.

When breathing had slowed and limbs had goose bumps from the chill of dried sweat, untangling yourselves was a chore. His heart about leapt from his throat when you nearly fell sideways on wobbly legs. “Watch it!”

“I’m ok.” You gulped, grabbing him to steady yourself. “I’m ok, just—“ You laughed and teetered again. “Let go,” you said. “I’m f-fine, I’ll be fine….”

Stumbling like a foal, you made your way to the loo and he sat there, a dopey smile growing increasingly broader. He’d heard it, hadn’t he? What you’d said? Hadn’t made that up when he was lost in a daze staring at your tits?

The shower turned on and he lay there listening until it shut off. Moments later, you strolled out wrapped in a towel and he watched you cross the room to his duffle bag.

“Why is it I’m never allowed to have a shower after?” he asked. Wordlessly and paying him no mind, you unzipped his bag. “What d’you need?”

You answered him by pulling a jumper out and burying your nose in it before scurrying back to the toilet. When you reappeared, you had it on, hood up, and you shuffled towards the sofa to settle in next to him.

“What f’I wanted to wear that?”

You looked at him, eyes wide, and his heart twinged. “Don’t look a’me like that,” he muttered, throwing his arm around your shoulder and drawing you in close. He kissed your temple and you slung your arm over his midsection, turning your nose into his skin and taking a deep breath.

“It’s early still,” you said.

“Yeah, it is.” He stroked your arm through the jumper and you shivered. “Could watch something.”

“We could.”

Neither of you made to move, and it was several minutes later when you said, “Harry?” and pulled him from his doze.

“Yeah?” He smacked his lips and looked at you, momentarily seeing double. “What is it?” he asked when you didn’t say anything.

“Nothing.”

He grunted and his eyes drifted shut again.

“Harry?”

Without moving, he answered with, “Yeah?”

“Do I have to say it? For you to know how I…?”

He opened his eyes and braced himself before asking, “D’you have to say you love me?”

“Yeah.”

Swallowing, Harry said, “No… s’pose not.”

You grunted softly and settled against him again.

“But it’s kinda nice,” he added. “Innit?”

“You didn’t say it back.”

Small, unassuming, and not at all accusatory, but it stung the worst and made him cower.

“Sure I did,” he said. “Told you ‘me too’, didn’t I?”

You shrugged.

“Said it first, too.”

“Said what first?”

“You know.” His mouth was dry and he cleared his throat. “That I love you.”

“So, what does that mean?”

Harry bristled. “Means I said it, and I said it first,” he said. “I won.”

You gasped. “You did not!”

“Don’t remember it another way, do you? Ouch!”

You pinched his hip and made to sit up but he pulled you back. “Quit it, I’m leaving aren’t I?”

“Not for a bit,” you echoed him but settled down. “I hate you.”

“Thin line, innit?”

“Shut up.”

Smiling, he pressed a long kiss to the top of your head, lips smacking when he stopped, and he smoothed his hand over the spot. “Some of us are trying t’have a kip, y’know,” he murmured.

“You should get clothes on.” Still, you didn’t move, and his mouth twitched.

“S’just my dick. You’ve seen it before.”

***

“Don’t go.”

Harry’s face screwed up and his hands fisted in the plain t-shirt he was rolling up to stuff in his bag. Your arms were locked tighter than a python around his waist and his back absorbed every one of your choked breaths. This was the question he’d been fearfully waiting for with each passing day, and now they were both here.

“Baby, please....” he uttered weakly in a single breath.

“Please,” you repeated back to him. “Please, please, please.”

With stiff fingers, he peeled yours back and gripped them tightly to keep you from fastening even tighter to him, and he turned until he was face to face with you. It was worse looking at you, and with your eyes closed, you seemed to agree.

“Don’t do this t’me,” he moaned, throwing his shirt behind and smoothing his palms over your cheeks. Your mouth twisted.

“You could stay,” you said. “You could—”

Heart squeezed tightly in his chest, Harry kissed your forehead hard.

To say it was a breakdown would be putting it lightly.

“Not sick of me yet?” he asked as an attempt to patch the situation with humor and you shook your head. “I can come back,” he said.

“When?” you asked flatly.

“As soon as I can,” he said.

“You’re doing things,” you said. “You’re about to—“

“I know,” he said. “And I’ll be back here then, won’t I? Just like old times? Could meet you at that dodgy spot after.”

You sighed, eyes wet when you opened them and mouth trembling, and he cleared his throat. “Yeah, I know,” he said thickly. “C’mere.”

You tucked your head into the crook of his neck and he squeezed you tightly to him.

“It didn’t used to be this….”

“Be this what?”

You grunted and he chuckled. “Yeah, well… things change.” He paused, heart thrumming in his ears. “And… they could change again. You never know.”

“Change how?” you asked, voice muffled.

Harry licked his lips. “You know,” he said. “Depends on how much y’liked London. Did you?”

“Yes….”

“Yeah, so. F’you liked it, then… I dunno, s’just a maybe, innit? I like it here, too. Or maybe we could like--”

“What are you talking about?”

Harry huffed. “M’saying we might not always have to travel f’we wanna see each other -- d’you get it now?”

“Maybe.”

Snorting, he kissed the top of your head.

“Shut up.”

[kasykes93]

September 1st, 2020.

Let’s begin.

I started my weight loss journey on January 30th 2020 on the Optavia 5 and 1 health plan. I was starry eyed and determined. This was going to be hard work but rewarding. Now, I have struggled with weight my whole life. I know that a lot of people have this problem. I longed to be one of those kids that could eat anything and never gain a pound but it wasn’t in the cards for me. I can look at a cupcake and gain 3lbs.

In 10th grade I found out I had Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) for short. Cool. Now on top of weight gain, weight loss is difficult. I have excessive hair growth, possibility of not having children, and I have to be on birth control to regulate it. Awesome.

Let’s fastwoward to the start of weight loss, shall we. So in January of 2020 I’d had enough I was 296.4 lbs the day I started this plan. The heaviest I’d had been in my life. I was tired of plus size clothing and tired of being unhealthy. A change had to be made. I took pictures for my progress, I took measurements of my body, I weighed myself and I wrote my “Whys.” Your “Whys” are used to look back on when you forget why you started this program.

The first 12 weeks on the program were great I was determined, I never strayed from the path I was on and I was kicking ass and taking names. I was proud of me and all my friends and family were too. I told myself not to set a goal weight but rather small manageable goals so I didn’t discourage myself and it was going great. I weighed in every week, did my measurements and took the pictures like I was supposed to. That is until COVID hit. Then the momentum died and boredom set in. Just great. Being an emotional eater is hard, trying to overcome that is even harder. I was doing so well, then on top of COVID hitting I hit my first plateau at 45lbs gone forever. It was frustrating not seeing the scale move and being at home 1/2 weeks, I didn’t have much to keep me busy. So of course I told myself, go off plan and then you can come back on plan to restart your body to get past that plateau. I wanted another big weight loss week like my very 1st week. I just knew that would remotivate me. Well, that was a mistake.

I fell right back into old habits. I’m a sucker for Taco Bell. I love a good Chalupa supreme with a side of nacho cheese and chicken quesadilla. So, I ate like crap for a week and a half. I felt terrible, I was ready to get back on plan and get moving again. So I restarted. When I restarted I was doing well got through my 1st week and had a good weight loss number at weigh in. Cool. Time to keep moving. Week 2 is ALWAYS the hardest for me. The cravings set in, the momentum slows and I start thinking “I wish I was eating Whataburger or literally anything else.” I tried to shake it off but it kept creeping back in my mind. Now, obviously that was the obesity devil talking but sometimes you just can’t shake it. I know for a fact that second week I sure as hell couldn’t. For some reason that damn obesity devil won. I caved and I ate something I shouldn’t have, was it worth it? No. This was just the start of my decline.

Over the next few weeks I would start the program and something would derail me. Lets be honest the obesity devil had his claws in me and I let him win. I know I’m stronger than that small voice telling me about chicken tenders and hot wings, but I let him win. I let that voice control my craving and before I knew it I gained back 10lbs. In just a few weeks I gained back 10 whole ass pounds. How could I let that happen?! After I worked so hard to take 50lbs off. I was disappointed in myself. You are your own worst critic. So I told myself no. Get back on plan and get this done. You want to be 220 by Thanksgiving. We can do this.

So I did, I got through the first 2 weeks. I beat the craving I stayed on plan. I did it. So here we are Monday, working on my 3rd week. Work has been stressful, I’m about to be off for a week and today was a hard day. I went to dinner with a friend and my niece, I got beef fajitas and I ate like I was supposed to, but guess what.... they didn’t give me enough vegetables. Damn. I was hungry. I had a rough day, I kept telling myself it’s okay, stop and get your “greens” on the way home. But as I sat there the obesity devil said “eat the tortilla.” I tried to fight it I really did. But I ate a piece. I was talking to myself saying, it’s okay, it’s just a piece. Then before I knew it I ate the whole tortilla. Damn it. Again. I messed it up. When I left I still stopped and got my salad. Okay it’s cool, you got your greens. One tortilla is not going to ruin your hard work the last 2 1/2 weeks. So when I got home I ate my salad. Then I saw them, in all their orange cream filled glory. Halloween Oreos. I bought them for my husband, and I ate one. What was wrong with me?! What was I thinking?! I worked so hard to get past this spot. Then of course I ate 4 peanut butter M&M’s. It’s like I couldn’t stop. So I ate a sugar free popsicle. I’m allowed to have that, it was better than eating a bowl of my biggest weakness.... Blue Bell ice cream. So I compromised and went on about my evening. For my last fueling I ate a “approved snack” rather than what I was supposed to eat. I told myself this will help undo that Oreo you just had to eat. Then I went to bed.

I’m human, I’m going to fall off the wagon, and I’m going to fail. It’s built into me, but damn it I’m going to take those 24lbs off by thanksgiving and you are all going to help me. Welcome to the journey.

[folkpunkrock-littlewing-blog]

Questions Tag ✨

Thank you so much, @junghelioseok for tagging me! I’m so sorry this took so long, but tumblr hates me and refused to post it, but I adore this! (Not gonna lie, I got so excited thinking I was going to answer that “best pick-up line” question I had my story to go! But this is better ☺)

I’m going to taaaagggggg... @vanaera, @antihirohamada, @minflix, @readyplayerhobi, @dreamingofkoo, @missalathea, @hoseoksyn, @ddaenggtan, @v-hope, @flowerymoonlight, @cutaepatootie and whomever else wishes to do this. You don’t have to, by any means! I just hope you know I’m thinking of you and would love to learn more (except @antihirohamada; I do this purely to torture you--because I love you!)

rules: answer ten questions, then write your own and tag ten people.

.:.

➵ what would you want as your last meal on earth?

oh shizz, it got real REAL quick. Um, I think I’d want like a platter of food. Like, if I knew I was going to die I’d stuff my face until I’m puking with all of my favorite foods. crab, lobster, pizza, green chile mac and cheese, wine, noodles, muffins, quesadillas, tacos, cereal, white chocolate coconut truffles, chocolate milk, huevos rancheros, etc

➵ what is your favorite personality trait that you possess?

mental acuity/ingenuity. lmbo, jk. I don’t know her. Um, I’d have to probably say the fact that I’m genuinely a random card. Like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.

➵ a favorite quote?

of mine: “sometimes the ones who do the most saving need saving the most”

Oscar Wilde, “Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much”

Danny Kay, White Christmas, “When what’s left of you gets around to what’s left to be gotten, what’s left to be gotten won’t be worth getting whatever is you’ve gotten left.”

Hugh Grant, Love Actually, “General opinion is starting to make out that we live in a world full of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there -- fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge -- they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion you’ll find that love actually... is all around.”

Let’s be real, this was unfair. There are so many inspirational and thought-provoking quotes out there that just stick with you.

➵ if you could suddenly become really good at a sport, what would it be?

Um, of all the sports I’ve played, and also have not partaken in, I’d want to excel at Tae-kwon-do, or Mixed Martial Arts. Ooo, or hurdling/running. I was in track and field when I was younger but over the years my hurdling skills have diminished quite substantially. Also, I’ve just never been good at running--asthma is a b**ch.

➵ favorite drink?

boba tea, chocolate milk, wine, strawberry peach juice, orange juice, apple juice, martinis, watermelon juice, hot chocolate, macchiatos, tequila, margaritas. Again, the list goes onnnnnnn

➵ do you have any pets? (pictures encouraged)

I have my weenie! Her name is Coco :3 I got her as a high school graduation present -- she’s now 10 years old! 😭 She only loves me when I have food, or when I come home, but I swear she knows when I have food at ALL times. She’ll be asleep on the other side of the house and I’ll get food and she’ll come out of nowhere like “you need help with that? you need help with that. Let me take that off your hands for you.” She has anxiety, but I adore her all the more for it. Like, you’re just like your mother.

Then there’s my rescue, Bagheera. We found her down at my ex’s river house a few fourth of July weekends ago after having travelled over 200 miles on the engine block of a family friend’s truck. Her poor fur was mangey and burned off in most places, but she was like a generator from the moment we found her--constantly purring and sleeping in our arms. I hadn’t expected to keep her, rather transport her for someone else, but I ended buying her things and she was here to stay. She’s a brat, but she is genuinely just like me--only wanting attention when SHE wants it, but she’ll give you all the love and even show you her butt if you’re having a hard time. Yes, just like me. lmfbo

➵ who is your favorite superhero?

Spider Gwen, Black Widow, Scarlett Witch, Raven, Storm, Wolverine, Deadpool, Spider-Man, Nightcrawler, Wonder Twins; (villains) The Riddler, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, The Joker, Two-Face, Catwoman (depending on the series), Loki

➵ what scent is the soap in your bathroom?

um, soapy? I have two; the other one is honey and chamomile

➵ tell me about your favorite childhood stuffed animal/toy.

His name is Flopper, he’s a dog, and he’s gender confused. When I first got him I insisted that he was a girl (I was in 3rd grade), but as I grew older it became more evident that Flopper is actually male. lol. My eldest brother bought Flopper for me one afternoon we spent together at the local mall, and he’s stuck by me ever since. He was even in my 3rd grade school photo XD

➵ what was the last movie you watched?

A Whisker Away, a Japanese animated film on Netflix. *heavy sigh* 😐 That’s all I have to say about that...

my questions:

-> if you were any sailor scout which one do you think you’d be? (Or want to be.)

-> who are your top three favorite Disney characters?

-> what’s your favorite video game(s)/series?

-> if you were a mythological entity, what would you be?

-> what sports, if any, do you enjoy?

-> what’s your favorite drink during the summer?

-> who is your favorite poet?

-> do you play any instruments?

-> which hogwarts house do you belong to? if unknown, which one do you believe you belong in?

-> what was the last show you watched?

-> tell me about a dream you’ve had (literally and metaphorically).

-> who is your favorite Sanrio character?

-> who do you look up to?

-> what’s a book you’ve always wanted to read but have yet to get around to it?

-> favorite genre of book, movie and tv show?

[avengerscompound]

The Usual Spy Stuff - Chapter 3

The Usual Spy Stuff - A Captain America Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count:  1503

Warnings:  Fluff, twist on tropes, eventual smut (vaginal sex)

Synopsis:   You and Steve have to pretend to be in a relationship while on a mission. You know what that means right?

Chapter 3

You followed Steve back in the room giggling.  He was wearing shorts and a short-sleeved button-up and had gotten a little too much sun today.  His nose, upper arms and just under his eyes were all dusted in pink.

“Okay, okay, let me get some lotion for that burn.”  You said going into the bathroom and looking through your toiletries.  You came out with a bottle of lotion that contained aloe to find Steve looking in the mirror.  “Being on a boat will do it to you.”

He turned and looked at you sheepishly.   “I’ll try and remember to put more sunscreen on next time.”

“Be a good idea.”  You agreed and gave him a nudge towards the bed.  “Go on, sit down.  Take your shirt off.”

“It’ll heal soon enough.”  He complained as he took his shirt off and sat at the edge of the bed.  You looked at him for a moment.  The tan line between his shirt and collar and his chest was very obvious.  It looked strange how it followed the dips and curves of his body in such straight lines.  You still hadn’t gotten used to seeing him shirtless and you weren't sure you ever would.  He was ridiculously perfect.  Down to the pores in his skin.  It was like someone had just drawn the perfect specimen of a man and he’d just stepped off the page.

“I know.  This will still help so stop complaining.”  You said and began to carefully dab the lotion onto his nose.

“Okay, so…”  He said looking up into your eyes.  “What did we find?”

“I got his password for the safe.  It’s biometrically encrypted though so without him actually opening it, I don’t know we can get in there.”  You explained as you moved your fingers under his eyes.  “He’s definitely buying it though.  When he took me back there he was all over me.”

Steve furrowed his brow, and you began rubbing the lotion over his forehead to smooth it back out again.  “He was?”  He asked sounding uncomfortable.

“We wanted this, Steve.”  You said.

“I know,”  He said.  His eyebrows stayed knitted together and you laughed softly and you rubbed at the hard line that had formed between them.  “It’s just… this isn’t my world.  I’m a soldier.  I don’t like this subterfuge.  I don’t like lying about us.  I can do it because it doesn’t involve taking advantage of you.  But that… letting him paw at you.”  He shook his head.

You tilted Steve’s head up to face you.  “It’s okay.  Really.  I’ve trained for this kind of thing.  I signed up for this.  I know what the job is like.  No one is taking advantage of me.”

He frowned.  “I still don’t like it.  I don’t like thinking about his hands on you.”

You rubbed his arm and he winced.  “Shit, sorry, forgot.”  You said getting the lotion and gently applying it to his arm.  “Look, I don’t love thinking about him touching me either.  He’s gross.  But I can use it.  I’m in control.  And it’ll be over soon enough.  We just need to get into that room.”

“Do you have an idea how yet, because at this stage I’m just tempted to break in and tear that door off its hinges.” He grumbled.

You laughed and moved your hands along the red line at his neck.  His muscles were so firm, you wondered if he was flexing for you.  “You’re strong, Steve, but I don’t think you’re that strong.”

“Then, I’ll call Tony.   He can blast it open.”  He said.

“Give it a couple of days.  Seriously, I won’t let anything happen I don’t want.  I promise.  No one’s morals will be corrupted.”  You assured him as you ran your hands around to his back.

“Okay, so the plan?”  He asked.

“Well, he told me his wife is here all week.  So if we want to do something we need to go somewhere that’s not his home.  I think tomorrow you should invite yourself around to his place for dinner.  Say you want to make a deal with him and the Avengers.  Imply that he might be able to buy your protection.  Don’t say it though.  Tell him, Tony’s thinking about retiring.  Say how you’re worried about him pulling out the finances when he does.”  You said.

Steve seemed to mull over what you said as you finished rubbing the lotion into his skin.  Even as you watched the red was fading.  It was a strange phenomenon to witness and you wondered what it was like when he got a cut.  Could you see the flesh knit?  When he spoke he shook you out of the rather dark daydream you were having.

“Then what?”  He asked.

“I’ll corner him.  Or let him corner me.  Tell him to meet me at the office.  Have him show me around.  Then when we’re in, I’ll call you.”  You explained.  “Easy peasy.  Now, order some food.  I’m starving.”

He scowled for a moment before picking up the menu.  You went into the bathroom and applied your own lotion before changing into pajamas.  When you came back out Steve was in bed.  “I ordered a mix of things.  I was pretty hungry too.”  He said.

“Yeah, I don’t know why.  Being on a boat just does it to you.  I swear.”  You said sitting down at the end of the bed.

“Can I ask you something?”  He said.  His body stiffened and he shifted awkwardly.

You turned to face him and raised your eyebrow.  “What is it?”

“Have you ever slept with one of your targets?”  He asked.

You sighed.  He was really not great with the spy stuff at all.  “Yeah.  A couple of times.  Longer term infiltration though.”

“They really make you do that?”

“No.  No one makes me do anything, Steve.  I make calls based on what I think needs to happen.”  You explained, the frustration building in you.

“You know what I mean.  Don’t you think that makes you…?”

“What?  A sex worker?  So what if I was?  It’s my body.  Aren’t I allowed to use it how I want?”  You snapped.

“Yes.  Of course but…”

“But what?  I’d rather sleep with a guy and have him arrested than actively bomb an area and have a bunch of innocent people die.”  You argued.  “We make our choices.  I choose the path that allows for the least death.  Is it really so bad that that mean I allow some guy to paw at me to do?”

“Right.  I’m sorry.”  He said looking slightly ashamed of himself.

You sighed and shifted closer to him, putting your hand on his arm.  “Look, Captain,”  You said.  “You signed up and allowed them to do this to you -”  You gestured to his whole body.  “It was a dangerous use of your body.  And since you did it you’ve done more and more dangerous things with it.  You choose to do them though.  No one forces you to jump out of planes with no parachute and no one forces me to do what I do.  We make the call.  That’s all.”

“Right. Sorry.  I wasn’t judging you.  I just… I don’t know.  I just wanted to understand I guess.  I couldn’t imagine doing it.”  He said.

“And it’s your choice not to.”  You said.  “If it makes you feel better it’s discouraged as an Avenger and I don’t plan to do it now.”

He nodded.  “Yeah, it kind of does actually.  Sorry if that makes me…”

“A grumpy old prude?”  You teased.

He laughed.  “Something like that.”

“Don’t sweat it.”  You said waving him off.

There was a knock on the door and you got up and let the bellhop in with the tray of food, grabbing some money from your wallet and tipping him.

You sat down on the edge of the bed and took the lids off the trays.  He’d ordered a large selection of starters you could share.  Chicken wings, sliders, fried shrimp, tacos, quesadillas.  “Nice choice, Cap.”  You said.

“Thanks,”  He said, sitting forward and grabbing a chicken wing.  “I have to say, I have actually really enjoyed this mission so far.  You are easy to work with.”

You smiled and picked up a slider.  “Yeah.  Me too honestly.  Sharing a bed with a superior officer is often… awkward.  And you know, you’re Captain America.  But you’re easy to be around.  I feel comfortable with you.”

Steve smiled and his now white cheeks dusted with pink again.  “Thank you.  I feel the same way about you.”

You chuckled and shook your head.  “Oh god damn it, the tropes are going to get us, I swear.”

Steve looked at you puzzled and seemed to open his mouth to question it.  Instead, he shook his head and took a bite from his chicken wing.  You were glad he didn’t.  Maybe the tropes would dictate things, maybe they wouldn’t.  It would be better for Steve if he didn’t have anything else to worry about.

// NEXT

[evie-watson]

meet Evelyn Watson  // welcome to Banff // character intro

                                        the basics //

full name : Evelyn “Evie” Renae Watson birthdate & zodiac :  July 15 Cancer gender & pronouns :  Cis female, she/her sexuality : pansexual, demi-panromantic occupation : Drummer for Bold Affairs family : Everett Watson (Biological Father - Status, unknown) Mary-Ann Watson (Biological Mother - status, deceased)

                                      deeper dive //

alignment : Neutral evil myers-briggs : ISTP (the virtuoso) hobbies : Pole dancing (for exercise), playing drums, star gazing, rock tumbling and collecting, reading and writing poetry, listening to music, smoking and drinking, used to skateboard, thrifting, yoga, playing darts. favorites :

                food - bread bowls with most soups, buffalo chicken quesadillas, tacos and nachos, French fries, fruits, oatmeal raisin cookies                 drink - Vodka and orange juice, black coffee                 movie - N/A was never allowed to watch TV so never really got into it                 song - Die Dead Enough by Megadeth                 color - Forest Green habits :               Smokes regularly  / Drinks heavily  / Mostly smokes weed. Has tried some of the harder stuff at least once. Really likes cocaine but doesn’t use it often.                 nervous tics include: flinches when there’s a loud noise or someone yells, mumbles, picks at and bites at her nail polish or cuticles until they bleed when nervous, blinking in rapid succession, avoiding eye contact, keeps gaze to the ground, bouncing legs when sitting, flexing and unflexing her fingers, popping her jaw, picking at loose threads on her clothes, shuts down entirely when voices are raised at her, chain smokes when stressed. loves : classical rock, thunderstorms and rain, poetry, her Walkman fears : Getting close to other people, being close to no one, loud noises, being a disappointment (but has accepted that’s all she could be seen as), large crowds, rejection, vulnerability, dogs, fire, driving.

                                       appearance //

height : 5′5″ weight : 119 lbs scars : A few scars here and there. piercings : Her ears. eyes : green hair : she had dyed her hair a platinum blonde before the world fell, so now it’s growing out, her brown hair having grown mostly out. It reaches to just above her shoulders in very messy, choppy layers, the last two inches or so still blonde. Has a little wave to her hair. fashion : here

                                      bio //

(TW: child abuse mention, parental death, emotional abuse, drugs)

There are a great many things Evie would rather do than discuss her childhood or her parents. Like walking over heated, rusted nails, or swimming with great white sharks with a heavily bleeding wound, or touching a hot eye on the stove without putting her hand in water beforehand. All of these would be less painful than drudging through old memories she tries her best to repress to this day.

Where do I begin? I suppose the beginning would be best. Evelyn Renae Watson was born mid-July, her parents Everett and Mary-Ann Watson. Her mother was a waitress at a local diner. And her father was a well respected officer who performed his duties well and was known to be a stickler to the rules. And for the most part, when at home, he was decent enough. Sure, there may have been times where he got a little loud and would yell, especially if he had been drinking.

It wasn’t until Evie was around the age of six did it change. Her and her mother had gone to visit some relatives, and Evie ended up chasing after a ball one of her cousins threw at her, running out into the road, right in the way of a speeding truck, the driver neither slowing down nor paying attention. Mary-Ann rushed out to push Evie out of the way. And while Evie made it out mostly unscathed, save for a few scrapes from being shoved onto the concrete, her mother was fatally wounded. It was quite the story for a few weeks. A mother giving her life to save her child in a heroic display. Most of the family and family friends knew it was just a freak accident and never once blamed Evie for it. One person did: her father, vehemently so.

His drinking had become more frequent, and when he drank, he liked to remind her that if it weren’t for her, her mother would still be there, how it should have been her instead and many other horrible things that should have never been said to a child or to another person. Unfortunately, it didn’t stay verbal for long… As you could imagine, this had quite a negative effect on Evie. In her self-esteem as she got older. In her ability to make genuine connections with her peers. Even her grades began to suffer once she realized that doing well in school wasn’t going to help.

At some point, though she doesn’t exactly remember specifically when, as her childhood is just a blur at this point, she found an old luggage case full of old stuff tucked away in the attic. She was bored, her father wasn’t home, and TV wasn’t allowed in the house. Inside the case, she found a bunch of… Mostly stupid stuff. A bunch of old band tees with the pictures faded or crackled. What stood out the most to her was a Walkman, as well as a couple of mix tapes filled with her favorite classical rock songs, the words ‘Mary’s tunes’ and ‘Mary’s tunes #2’ written in faded ink. These were her mother’s. It still worked after putting some batteries she found, and she never parted with it since.

While it was difficult for her to make friends and get close to people, it wasn’t impossible. She had a few shallow friendships, and only a few she would consider close friends. The most notable was a sophomore she met her freshman year. Trevor Delaney. At first, their relationship was a rocky one: he was a goody-two-shoes who followed the rules, turned his work in on time, made good grades and all the right decisions, whereas Evie… She was the angry, troubled child who never applied herself (unless it was something that she found to be interesting), got in trouble smoking cigarettes in the girls’ bathroom, skipped class and occasionally got into fights. For some reason, they were assigned together as partners to work on a group assignment and had to meet outside of school to complete the project. They often met at his place, because, obviously, her home wasn’t an option. Not only because of obvious reasons, but she simply wasn’t allowed to have company over in the first place. The more they got together, the more they learned about each other. What really pushed her to him was he shared a love for music, just as she did. Music was how she connected with her mother, the parent who did love her.

It was through him she learned how to play drums. Him and a few of his friends were starting a small band, apparently He knew how to play guitar and drums, and after some persistence on her part, he showed her how to play on both of them. The drums resonated with her the most. There was just something about them. It felt good to play, even if, at first, she was terrible at it. She often says that being a drummer was the closest thing to therapy she’d ever go to. She came over as often as he’d let her once their friendship became more defined, and he was gracious enough to let her play on his drums. She mostly taught herself by ear, and once she was good enough, he’d even play his guitar along with her. Trevor started bringing up the idea of her joining his sorta band, an offer she declined a handful of times before finally agreeing.

She and the rest of the band got pretty close as they practiced in one of the parent’s garage, but it was Trevor whom she grew the closest with. He became like a brother to her, her absolute best friend. She’d break into his room by climbing through his window whenever she’d been kicked out of the house. And he was the first person she told about her father. At least the first person to have believed her. He told her she needed to go to the police about this to do something about it. But she had. Once. And, unfortunately, the officers who took her statement were buddies of her father. Nothing was done. They didn’t believe her. She did have a habit for being dishonest and troubled, so why would they believe her over him, right? And when he found out…? She never spoke out about it again…

Up until she was eighteen, that was her norm. Carefully navigating her father’s temper, sneaking over to hang out with the boys, practicing music, Evie secretly working and saving her money whenever she could, Trevor doing his very best to convince her to do better in school and go to college. She had plans on dropping out of school months before graduation, a decision brought forth from a particularly bad interaction with her father that had her running to Trevor, but he convinced her to ride it out. It was just a few months, she could stay with him as much as possible, which she does.

After graduation, and once she was eighteen, she worked up the nerve to finally move out. She just.. Kinda left one day when he was at work. Her and her sorta band-mates put their money together and rented a space for all four of them. Unfortunately, they didn’t have much time to play music together, as all of them but Evie both worked and went to college. It wasn’t until a few years later did they decide to take it seriously again. They started playing for free at places to gather an audience. While they became nowhere near as successful as the groups Evie listened to, they were having fun and gathered a following both locally and online.

//inspo

I listened to this song the most when making her if anyone was wondering.

[jatarrikahsettle]

Move to Mexico!

Our last stop on this taste testing journey around the world is 8,000 miles over the pacific ocean to Mexico. Mexican cuisine is another cuisine that America has attempted to adopt and make it’s own. However, original Mexican cuisine cannot be directly replicated unless you grew up living and experiencing it first-hand. It prides itself on being rooted in its historical traditions through traditional spices, fresh ingredients, and an array of vibrant tastes.

There are a variety of dishes rooted in Mexican cuisine, but the most common all come from the same type of ingredients: tortillas, corn, peppers, cheese, beans, veggies, rice, etc. all combined to form a delicious serving as a taco, burrito, quesadilla, enchilada, etc. Since real Mexican cuisine is so rooted in a variety of specific flavors and spices, I decided to keep it simple and make a quesadilla. Literally meaning “little cheesy thing,” Quesadillas are a flat circle tortilla filled with cheese along with a variety of ingredients of choice, folded in half then cooked on a griddle or stove until golden brown. Quesadillas were developed once Spanish settlers came to Mexico in the 16th century and the popularity surrounding turnover foods sparked. For my quesadilla, I chose to put Monterey jack shredded cheese, chicken cooked fajita style, green peppers, red peppers, onions, and rice to fill the tortilla. Below you will find a collage with my cooking process and the final product. 10/10 :)

While the Quesadilla is seen as an authentic dish with its origins in colonial Mexico, the recipe has actually been influenced by several other cultures and cuisines along the way. I definitely feel as though my quesadilla reflected an American style quesadilla you would find at Mexican restaurants here in America. In relation to our class however, authentic Mexican cuisine portrays a form of reductionism with dishes not being focused on the complexity of the final product, but rather the fundamental elements of each dish. This is why main dishes have such a strong focus on the basis of native foods rooted in tradition such as corn, beans, peppers, spices, cheese, tortillas. By reducing ingredients down to basic fundamental items, it allows for Mexican cuisine to remain true to its tradition and hard to replicate. This rootedness indirectly reflects Mexican interdependence and historical strength.

Sources:

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

I Don’t Like Myself Today

Summary: Dean finds the reader upset about a book but it turns out, it has nothing to do with the book and everything to do with what they think they deserve...

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 1,400ish

Warnings: language, brief mentioned nudity, self-image issues

A/N: Enjoy! 

_____

You were sat staring at your computer screen, swallowing thickly. You did it again and once more, the wetness on the edge of your eyes receding for the moment. After a few seconds you reminded yourself to breathe, take a deep breath, even if your skin felt tight and there was the threat of a headache in your temples. It was simply the congestion though and it’d pass quickly. 

You swallowed once more, the threat of tears averted for the moment, just in time too as Dean walked into the bedroom.

“Whatcha doing?” he asked as he ducked into the master bathroom.

“Paying bills. Balancing the checkbook,” you said, going back to your credit card tab you had open on the computer and hitting submit. You logged it down in your spreadsheet, Dean walking out naked and whistling as he ducked behind you and over to the closet. 

“You want to get takeout? I don’t feel like running to the grocery store. It’s nearly seven already.”

“Sure,” you said, Dean exiting the closet in his flannel pajama pants and a hoodie. “What’d you have in mind?”

“Pizza?”

“Wasn’t there that new Mexican place you wanted to check out? It had fried something?”

“The fried chalupas? Yeah. Let’s try that,” he said. He pulled up a menu on his phone, laying back on the bed and scrolling as you checked off items in your spreadsheet. “I’m gonna get the nachos, these battered chalupa gimmick things, a few tacos and quesadillas?”

“Sounds good,” you said. He was quiet a few minutes before the bed creaked and you knew he was sat up. 

“How’d we do this month?” he asked.

“We have two hundred extra for savings,” you said.

“Sweet. I told you that Costco membership would pay for itself,” he said. “Maybe we can take a little trip with what we’ve been saving up when the weather gets nicer.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” you said, stretching in your chair. “How long til the food gets here?”

“Forty minutes,” he said. “I gotta drive to pick it up.”

“If you want to be a real babe, you could maybe make-”

“I’m making brownies, don’t you worry,” he said, ruffling your head. “We got box mix?”

“Yeah. Oh and put the crumbled up Oreos in this time. That was real good,” you said.

“Care to supervise?” he asked with a smirk.

“I want to clean up the file a bit and take a shower quick after work all day. But I will definitely sit on the couch eating that entire tray with you later.”

“Alright,” he said, humming as he headed for the door. “There’s a clean black shirt of mine on the counter in the bathroom if you’re so inclined…”

“I’m always inclined,” you said. You smiled and went back to your spreadsheet, frowning once you’d heard Dean leave. You went to Amazon and moved the book out of the cart, deleting it and ordering more of Dean’s granola bars he liked instead. 

You added it to your spreadsheet, backing out the number in one column, adding it in another. You sighed and slammed the computer shut. 

You were halfway undressed in the bathroom when you caught your face in the mirror. You looked ready to cry. You swallowed when you heard Dean outside of the door, the thing opening after a moment. Dean smiled but you knew he wasn’t exactly happy.

“Why didn’t you buy that book you wanted, sweetheart?” 

“I didn’t want it after all. It doesn’t have great reviews on other sites,” you said, putting your back to him.

“You know the thing about this spreadsheet being a shared document? I can see the changes you make. Like you not spending any of your fun money and then calling it savings. The book was seven dollars, Y/N.”

“I didn’t want the stupid book, Dean.”

“It’s been in the cart for two weeks. We can afford it. Are you stressed out about money?”

“No. I make plenty and you make plenty at the construction place and-”

“You barely let me give you a box of chocolate for Valentine’s when you got me a whole bunch of car stuff that was ten times the cost and-”

“I don’t need a book. There’s plenty of books around here. Geez. Stop analyzing every little thing. You’re not a hunter anymore.”

“Yeah and I didn’t notice it as much before cause you never used the Charlie card and you used your fakes and I got it. But you won’t spend seven dollars on a book. You got mad at a five dollar box of chocolates. You-”

“I would rather you put that money towards a vacation,” you said.

“You’d rather it not be spent on you. I mean how many times have I seen you saying I want a new winter jacket and then you wear your same old one that’s been stitched more times than I have.”

“What do you want me to say, Dean. Just come out and say it.”

“Why don’t you think you deserve to spend money on yourself? Even seven dollars, even when it’s in the budget. I just want to know what’s going on sweetheart.”

“I don’t need-”

“I know you. What’s-”

“I don’t like me,” you spat out. “I don’t and today’s not great and I’m not buying something stupid for myself when we could use that money on something more important.”

“The most important thing in the world to me is you.”

“I don’t want to fight, Dean.”

“Neither do I,” he said. He walked over slowly and rested his hands on your arms, sliding down them to pull them around his back. You breathed deeply into his shirt, his arms trapping you in a warm embrace. “I like you.”

“I know you do, De. I have a hard time...it’s hard to buy something nice for yourself when you don’t like yourself that day.”

“New rule. You spend your fun money every month and if you don’t, I’m just gonna buy stuff for you with it.”

“It’s not that simple,” you said, Dean’s chin resting on your shoulder.

“I know. But it’s a start. You don’t have a problem spending money, just on you you do. So, forget about deserving or not deserving. Cause you do, even days you don’t like you. But days you don’t, tell me. Please. I promise extra cuddles.”

“I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask,” he said. “Now take your shower, relax, and when you get out, I’ll be back with the food, alright?”

“Okay,” you said.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” you said. He kissed your cheek and you gave him a half smile. “Careful driving.”

“Be back soon sweetheart.”

You were just putting the brownies in the oven an hour later when Dean walked in with a takeout bag. He frowned and you held up your hands.

“Baking relaxes me,” you said.

“You’re lucky I know that’s true,” he said. He set the bag down at the counter, smiling as he reached into his coat pocket. He took out a book and turned it around, holding it out to you.

“You got this from that bookstore next door,” you said, smiling and taking it from him. “Dean…”

“Only six dollars there too,” he said with a chuckle.

“I’m sorry I am this way,” you said as he washed up. He hit off the water and dried his hands, cocking his head.

“Sorry? I thought I already told you, I really really like you, just the way you are. I’d like it if you liked you too cause she’s pretty awesome but I will like for us both on the bad days just like you do on mine.”

“You got all domestic, Dean,” you said, setting book down and giving him a hug.

“And I love it,” he said, giving you a kiss. “Come on, sweetheart. Eat up while it’s hot.”

________

[pandemicperipatetics]

Weekend in Grand Canyon

The Verdict: It’s (obviously) totally awesome, one of the most stunning places we’ve ever been, etc etc. Rather than restating the obvious, we’ll share our top 3 tips:

Hike the South Kaibab Trail. It is one of the coolest hikes we’ve ever done. And really great bang for your buck in terms of strenuousness vs. views.

Late March is  an awesome time to go - outdoors feels like about 20 degrees warmer than what the Weather app says, which is great for hiking. And we hear it’s less crowded than a little later in the year. Just take crampons if you’ll be hiking - it’s icy and you can’t really hike without them!

It is really convenient to stay inside the park if you can. When we drove out on Sunday around 11:30 a.m., the line to enter at the South Rim Entrance Station was legit over a mile long. By staying inside the park, you’ll get a head start on hikes and avoid the crowds.

WHAT TO DO

There are different ways to see pretty things in Grand Canyon. You can drive, walk, or hike to the views. We prioritized seeing the South Rim, the most popular area to visit. We were also able to drive to see sights along the East Rim. The North Rim was closed for winter, and the West Rim was a bit out of the way for us.

Hiking (i.e., walking down into the canyon)

There are (long, multi-day) hikes where you can walk from one rim to another. We opted to do shorter out-and-back hikes on our own to get a more leisurely glimpse into the canyon.

South Kaibab Trail - This trail is AWESOME! We can’t say enough good things about the views; it’s no surprise it’s the most popular hike in the park. It’s a stunning downhill trail into the canyon with markers at 0.9 miles (”Ooh Aah Point”), 1.5 miles (”Cedar Ridge”), 3 miles (”Skeleton Key”), and beyond -- we didn’t look into going further, though we’d love to next time.

The first 5-10 minutes of downhill are STEEP and ICY - we could not have done this without crampons. We saw plenty of people give up on the hike because they didn’t have appropriate footwear, others sliding down on their butts, and also saw someone fall. We didn’t think we would really need crampons, so we ordered them on Amazon and didn’t open them until we got to the trail and saw that they were absolutely necessary. After those first several minutes, we didn’t encounter any ice - just lots of mud and some mule poo!

After those first several minutes, the downhill gets less steep until Cedar Ridge. Post Cedar Ridge, it’s again quite steep (important to keep in mind for the return ascent). We started around 7a.m. and are glad we got an early start: the hike gets HOT lower down in the canyon, even on a day with a low of 25 degrees and a high of 61.

The views got prettier and prettier as we went further down. To be safe, we stopped about halfway between Cedar Ridge and Skeleton Key. In retrospect, we would have gone all the way to Skeleton Key - the ascent wasn’t that difficult after Cedar Ridge; going further seemed totally doable.

Logistical Pro Tip:

We read that we needed to park at the Visitor Center and take the Orange Line shuttle for the ~10 minute drive to the trailhead. But we later realized there is a better option - you can drive to Pipe Creek Vista and park on the road there - parking is scarce but probably fine if you go early, and by mid-day we saw loads of people park outside of actual parking spots on the opposite side of the road. From Pipe Creek Vista, it’s just a 15 minute walk to the trailhead, all on the gorgeous Rim Trail. It really beats waiting 10-20 minutes for the shuttle to pick you up, then cramming in with a bunch of other tourists, especially during the pandemic! If you do park at the Visitor Center, you can take the shuttle back after your hike or walk ~2 miles along the Rim Trail. We really enjoyed doing the latter.

Bright Angel Trail - This trail is good, but in our opinion the views (at least up to 1.5 miles down, which is how far we went) aren’t that much better than from the park’s many scenic viewpoints. Like South Kaibab, this is a long downhill trail with markers at 1.5 miles in, 3 miles in, and further on.

We did the ~10 minute scenic walk from our hotel, El Tovar, along the Rim Trail to get to the trailhead around 8 a.m., and we walked down about 1.6 miles before turning back. The weather app reported it was in the high 20s - due to the sun it felt more like 40s - and the hike down was icy and slippery the entire time. Crampons were 100% necessary for us.

It took us about 1.5 hours to descend and about 1 hour to ascend - a bit surprising since we had read the ascent takes 2-3 times longer, but we were also extra-careful going down due to the ice and trying to avoid any more ankle sprains. It felt closer to moderate than strenuous, compared to other strenuous hikes we’ve done recently. If you have extra time after doing South Kaibab, we’d still recommend this hike. If you’re at a moderate fitness level, the 3 mile out-and-back hike (6 mile total) should be completely fine.

Walking

It’s a very popular option to walk the Rim Trail. As the name suggests, it’s a walk right along the rim of the canyon. It’s pretty flag and continuously scenic. We walked parts of it and thought it was beautiful!

Driving

Desert View Drive - This is a popular 23-mile (one-way) drive between the South Entrance and East Entrance of the park, with views of the East Rim. The East Entrance was closed due to winter conditions, so we started and ended the drive at the South Entrance, which is close to many lodges & food inside the park. There are many stops along the way with lovely views. Our favorite was Moran Point - a great place to eat a picnic lunch sitting on a rock (we didn’t see any tables). We were a bit underwhelmed by Desert View Point (right by the East Entrance). There also seem to be some short hikes or walks along the way. We tried the Shoshone Point Trail but it was way too muddy and slippery! We walked around there for about a minute and then spent probably 15 minutes cleaning off our hiking shoes. Note: The well-known Yaki Point is also along this drive, but it seems like you either need to take the park shuttle to get to it, or park near Pipe Creek and walk even further than the South Kaibab Trailhead. We did not see it.

Hermit’s Rest Road: You have to take the shuttle or a bike to travel along this road. It’s right near the major park lodging, and we looked for parking near the road to see if we could walk along it, but could not find a spot. It’s a 7-mile road that is well-known for Hermit’s Rest Viewpoint at the end - so probably best not to try walking there anyways. We didn’t see it, but it sounds nice.

Mather Point: You can walk the 0.3 miles here from the Grand Canyon Visitor Center, which is just a few minutes’ drive from the park lodges. It is a pretty large area with lots of space to look into the canyon. Still, it was fairly crowded. We found a rock to enjoy our picnic lunch with a view. If you’re eating there, just watch out for the aggressive squirrels that may come and beg you for food and/or try to swipe it away from you! We also saw a park sign claiming that upwards of 30 visitors a day seek treatment for finger bites from the squirrels...

There seem to be tons of other viewpoints in the park - some that cropped up a lot in our research included Yavapai Point and Hopi Point (along Hermit’s Rest Road). There are plenty of places within the park to get a look at the stunning canyon!

WHAT TO EAT - VEGGIE VERSION

The veggie options inside and near the park seemed a bit mediocre. We tried Park food for lunch and peanut butter sandwiches & snacks in our room for dinner, because 1) we were too lazy to leave and 2) we honestly felt our homemade sandwiches would be more satisfying than the available vegetarian dinner options.

Bright Angel Bicycles & Cafe at Mather Point (currently open 8am-5pm) - Park your vehicle at the visitor center and walk over (it’s right next door). There are pre-made sandwiches, wraps, salads and a little bakery area with bagels, muffins, croissants. We got a Mediterranean wrap with hummus (tasted like food at a corporate lunch), a frozen egg-and-potato breakfast burrito (not too bad), and a blueberry bagel with cream cheese (tasted like dessert!). There is a self-serve microwave (i.e., for frozen burrito) and toaster (i.e., for bagel). While the food was decent - and decently priced - the cafe is quite small and there was not social distancing going on at all. We honestly felt like it was the riskiest place we’d been to during the pandemic. Thankfully, there was a large container of hand sanitizer available at the condiments station.

El Tovar Dining Room - This is apparently a thing to do during a visit to Grand Canyon. Since we stayed in El Tovar, we walked by the dining room a few times and witnessed the line to get in. The dining room is indoors. There is a global pandemic. We did not try the food. (If you’re a guest at the hotel, you can order the same food through room service, but the vegetarian options seemed overpriced and not terrifically tantalizing).

Canyon Village Market - We didn’t try it, but the menu & prices looked decent - black bean burgers, a veggie breakfast sandwich, etc.

Sophie’s Mexican Kitchen - This is a restaurant in Tusayan, the closest town to the south end of the park. We didn’t try it, but among limited vegetarian options in Tusayan, this looked like it might be okay. We read online that there are vegan/vegetarian options here - it looked like standard stuff like tacos, burritos, quesadillas, etc.

WHERE TO STAY

We stayed at El Tovar, a lodge inside the park run by Xanterra Resorts, a Park-approved vendor. We’d recommend it solely for the location: it’s right on the South Rim and convenient to all of the main sites in the park.

The room itself felt like a freshman dorm room without a desk - sparsely furnished, cedar wood furniture, paper-thin walls so you can hear everything in the hallway. The customer service was poor: the doorman (whose job seemed to be to keep out the tourists trying to get into the famed El Tovar Dining Room) was pretty rude every time we tried to get in to go to our room, and the person who checked us in clearly didn’t know what she was doing (she emphasized multiple times that cigarette smoking is not allowed). Note there is no elevator; we chose the 3rd floor, which is the highest, because the receptionist told us it would avoid hearing people stomping around upstairs. We also had difficulty finding parking because tourists use the lot to park to see the canyon views right outside the hotel. The rooms at El Tovar also tend to be extremely expensive - don’t let that fool you into thinking it’s a luxury hotel.

On the plus side, only El Tovar residents can order room service off the El Tovar dining menu (not that we did), and the piano playing on the second floor wafted up to our non-soundproof room in a lovely way.

Sunset outside El Tovar

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #376

“when the wind bends the branch to softly touch me  /  when the band plays your song  /  i feel strong enough to keep dreaming”

If your s/o smoked pot/did drugs would you care? Yes, but for pot that's only because it's illegal here. I also find smoking to be a turn-off, but I'd be able to look past that if it was for actual health reasons. Do people ever call you by your last name? No. Has the last person you dated/fell in love with ever seen you cry? Yes. Where are you going on your next vacation (or where do you WANT to go)? I've got none planned, nor do I know where I'd want to prioritize. Like there's South Africa, but I first need to get healthier before I could handle the heat and trudging through sand. I want to go to Yellowstone National Park to spread Teddy's ashes there (seeking permission of course), but again, I need to be in better shape before I go on a venture of photographing there, as well. I need to be healthier to do a lot of the things I want to... Do you own anything bought in another country? No. Who do you text the most? Sara. Four things you wish you had? Better health (including mental), financial stability, a job, and motivation to indulge more in my artistic hobbies. What was the last thing you cried about? Stress regarding this dog we're stuck with. What is your favorite Elvis song? Probably "You're The Devil In Disguise." Do you think you could be the next American Idol? Ha, absolutely not. Do you prefer reading fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, by a long shot. Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? No. My grampa used to, but he's been dead a couple years. Who is one person you met and automatically didn’t like? I was not a fan of a doctor I once saw for my tremors. She was very rude and just threw the idea of me having Parkinson's or something at what, 17 years old or whatever? My psychiatrist knows her as well and knows she's a whackjob. Heard her name and was essentially like "ew" lmao. What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? A male one with a knife, I guess. I really hate knives. And men scare me anyway. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I don't know, he's in too many to possibly think of one right off the top of my head. Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? Jesse McCartney was my first true love, haha. Have you ever been hit on through text messages? Yes. Do you have to do any yard work? No. Have you ever mowed the lawn? No. Do you get an allowance? No. Did you ever know your great grandparents? I think I knew one? There was this woman from my childhood I knew as "GG" for "great grandma," but I have no recollection of who she was related to or even if she was directly related to me. I remember that I really really liked her, though. Do you like the taste of Tums? It's the texture I really don't like. The candy-like Tums though, y'know, not the chalky ones, I like more than someone should like medicine, haha. How about Pepto Bismol? Omfg no. Do you have a fast or slow metabolism? I have a slow metabolism, but thank Christ it's not as bad as when I was on Abilify. That stupid fucking medicine was the reason I gained so much weight that I haven't been able to lose. What’s your favorite onomatopoeia? (Crash, bang, zoom, meow) I dunno. Do you eat ramen? There's only one specific kind of ramen I've had that I like: Yakisoba's spicy chicken one. Sweet or regular pickles? Regular. I don't like sweet pickles. What kind of dreams do you have most often? Since my nightmares started, violent ones. I'm usually trying to defend myself or lashing out at someone myself. What do you do for personal growth? I try to be a deep thinker, for one. This can way too easily lead to overthinking, but I appreciate that I think it at least helps me learn from my mistakes and work towards making me a better person. I need to start challenging my anxiety more, as that would definitely be massive growth... If you could read anyone’s mind, who would be the first person you’d read? Jason's, only because all I want to know is if he thinks I was emotionally abusive after the breakup or not. But I also don't want to know. Do you have a makeup item or style trick that you feel improves your look significantly and that you feel like you couldn’t go without now that you have it? No. What’s your favourite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I like a lot of cereals. Do you prefer red wine or white wine? I don't like wine. Way too bitter. Do you read Reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? I don't, but I've thought about lurking on a reptile husbandry one or something like that. Might learn some stuff. But at the same time, there are so many conflicting and very strong opinions amongst hobbyists to the point of awful toxicity that I'd rather not read. Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? No. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? God no. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? Probably Scrabble back when Sara visited. Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why? Cash, because I don't have a debit or credit card. Do you believe sex should be mandatory in an ongoing dating relationship? Um, no? Some people don't care for it, and that's completely fine. Have you ever recorded yourself doing a cover of a song? No. Any secrets you’d never tell anyone? No matter how close they are to you? Yes. Do you like deviled eggs? NO. FUCK that yolk shit. What career are you most interested in? I still think my first career goal, a paleontologist, would be most interesting and exciting. Like just IMAGINE discovering a new dinosaur. And it's such a job of passion - you have to be so, SO careful and invest so much time in slowly recovering it from millions of years of rock and sand and time. I can only imagine the feeling of accomplishment when an excavation is complete. Have you ever seen a rooster? Yeah? What do you think about religion? Honestly, I personally wish it had never been a thing. It's brought with it so much hatred and bigotry, but I do acknowledge at the same time it's brought great comfort and hope to some people, and that's wonderful. But just all things considered, I feel it's done more harm than good. What’s your favorite sweetheart name (baby, honey, angel, dumpling) Probably "lovely." Has a little kid ever fallen asleep on your lap before? Yes, back when I babysat my neighbor's kid once. Have you ever thrown a grenade? Yikes, no. Have you ever talked face to face with someone famous before? No. Have you ever owned a rocking horse? I don't think so? If you could meet anyone in the world who would it be? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Have you ever wished you were dead? Yes. Is it awkward when people start talking all deep around you? No, I actually like deep convos. Have you ever played the old school Pac Man arcade game? Possibly? Ever played Mario Karts on Nintendo 64? No. Have you ever been scuba diving? No. Can you surf/boogie board? No. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. What’s your favorite thing to order from Taco Bell? Cheese quesadilla and fiesta potatos. Sometimes I get the cinnabon delight thingies, but I avoid 'em with how unhealthy they are. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Pretty hot. Do you like to swing? I LOVED swinging as a kid. I haven't done it in a very long time now. How about jumping on a trampoline? I loved that as a kiddo, too. I haven't done that in years. What are you favorite color eyes? Sapphire blue or like an emerald green. Do you have long arm hair? Nah, at least I don't think so. What third generation console is your favorite? PS3, Xbox 360, or Wii? I loved my PS3. I'm still so bummed mine broke. How often do you like to have sex? I'm not sexually active, but even when I was, I didn't care. Do you have a facial expression you seem to pull a lot? What is it? Not really. I think I look stoic most of the time. Do you always listen to music when you’re online? No; I usually have a let's play or something like that on that I can split my screen and watch while doing something else. If so, what are you currently listening to? I'm listening to "Love Goes On And On" by Lindsey Stirling and Amy Lee right now. Do you ever forget how to do really simple things? Like what? Yes, like how to control the laundry machine and other things like that. There's just so many options that I never, ever remember what to set it to, no matter how many times Mom shows me. That's how my memory is with most things these days, really... Were you born with naturally straight teeth? No; I needed braces. If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Uhhh maybe Severin. Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? I love both, but sour wins. What about chocolate or peanut M&M’s? I also enjoy both, but the original are better. Your favourite band: Do you prefer their old or new stuff? That's like... impossible to answer, lol. I just love everything. Do you check to make sure your ear phones are going in the right ear? No. Do you secretly still listen to Ace of Base? I have no idea who that is. Have you ever broken someone else’s bone? No, thank goodness. I'd feel awful. Is it stupid to think you can write a book at thirteen? No?????????? There are incredibly talented writers out there at young ages. Hell, I remember as a kid, I wanted to be the youngest published author way before that age. Are you ever embarrassed about what you dream about? There've been some I wouldn't share. Have you ever had sex with someone as a favor? No, and I never would. Does your mom let you date? I'm 25, my dude. She let me when I felt ready, though. If you had the last person you kissed’s Facebook password, would you go snooping through their stuff? Why or why not? She doesn't have one, but hypothetically, fuck no. Because that's none of my damn business, and it still wouldn't be even if we were still dating. Have you ever fainted? If so, when was the last time? If not have you ever come close? I've fainted once when I was a teen and have come close many other times. Ever take a keyboarding class? Do you type using the skills you learned in class, or how you used to before you took the class? Yeah; it was mandatory for I think one year in middle school. I type how I was taught in there. Do you find your best friend’s significant other/crush attractive? She doesn't have an s/o, and idk who her "real" crush is, as much as she'd love Frieza to be real, haha. What do you do with your clothes that don’t fit anymore or just don’t want? Donate them. Do you cut out coupons? My mom will keep some fast food ones she gets in the mail sometimes. Did you ever breathe in helium and talk funny afterwards? I think I did once at a birthday party, but I'm unsure. Would you ever open your own business? If so, what kind of business could you imagine yourself having? I want to be a freelance photographer so, so badly. I want to specialize in nature and wildlife, but having a boudoir studio would be great to help keep me afloat, plus I adore the art of boudoir. I've shot it once for an old friend, and by god, I loved how empowered it made her feel, especially as a plus-sized woman. She adored the pictures, and I'd just love to help other clients feel like they're gorgeous in their unique body, too. Last type of candy you ate? I had a donut from Starbuck's yesterday. Did you decorate your house for Halloween? If so, how many decorations? Did you go all out, or just put up a few things? Mom and I don't really decorate anymore. :/