#but why is it always them... they are so lovely and so well-written i just can't believe they get so much hate??

[fireladyofink]

Oh God.. uuhhhh.. been a minute since I tried one of these..

Skipping 1, hate first person, just can't do it, not even read it.

2 is 100% Andlàtkyn. There's some issues here and there but it will always be my pride and joy.

Due to not posting on AO3 (even though I really should be), 3 is mostly ineffective. Except Wattpad has tags. I'd say UTAU, dragons and crossover.

4, lol. Literally. Lately I keep using that (only when texting others) and it's bothering me. I feel like a simpleton because of how much I'm saying that, eugh.

5 I've honestly learned a lot while researching fics. For one, I found out lantana berries are toxic to humans yet taste like blueberries, and I have them growing in my backyard. They're actually my favorite plant! I love their flowers; so pretty, and they have such a uniquely funky smell as well. Part of why I adore them, it stands out so much without being a bad smell. And the leaves have a sort of citrus smell? I love lantanas.

6 I don't know. I've thought about requests due to the money, but I feel like I'd either struggle to start writing it or get carried away with it- or straight up not finish in a reasonable timeframe. Commissions? Like art commissions? Maybe in a few years when I'm more confident in my skills and also somehow have a drawing tablet to properly draw digitally. Something like that.

7 Either or. I love making sickeningly sweet coffee or various different teas.

8 Is honestly hard to decide! Off the top of my head I can think of Dust initially meeting Killer with the hilariously absurd question of "What do you mean you don't have a mouth? How are you speaking right now? Your ass?"

9 Believe it or not it was basically when I first got a phone and commented a short story in the comments of a YouTube video. Someone replied with a suggestion of Wattpad. The rest is history, lol.

10 Off the top of my head I can't think of anything beyond something very specific for the fic I've been thinking about again lately, Ninjagaësia. Only time I've written outside of the UT fandom too, I specifically want to get around to writing that version of Zane more. What I had planned for him is fun as hell. An absolute badass.

11 Lots of comments, votes and people enjoying it. Which, continuing the above mention, Ninjagaësia doesn't qualify for. Pretty unsuccessful, but for once I don't really care.

12 Undertale AU's. I doubt I'll ever leave, either.

13 No. Hell, my ultimate fic of Andlàtkyn was written throughout the later half of highschool. I am technically working on an original story on the sidelines, I call it my worldbuilding project because I'm building up so much lore in this world before I actually touch on the story itself outside of a vague idea. About 60-ish different species of people, including the were-diseases. Last I counted, anyway. I'll be working on it for years, I know it, and I don't mind that either.

14 Comments talking about my fics on said fics. Actual interactions! It brings me joy. 🧡

15 My family is well aware. I don't bring up a lot of details but the last time I went into vague detail with my mother it was over a scene in Andlàtkyn (no direct spoilers) and she interpreted it weirdly and now she teases me by asking if I'm killing babies again! A bit awkward..

16 Actually finishing a damn story. I don't mind the periods of no writing until I get inspired again, but what annoys me is when I can't seem to finish anything. Only ever finished Andlàtkyn. I still have yet to write anything for the sequel to it, either! Zeradelsída is still just a bunch of loose plot points..

17 I am semi successfully writing benevolent eldritch horror. It doesn't intend harm, but it is truly.. horrifying nonetheless. The uncertainty of someone knowing he died, feeling his own heart stop beating, and feeling something OTHER seep inside and force it to start again, pulsing in his veins, fusing with his anatomy, permanently altering both him and itself into something completely unknowable.. I'm rambling. Anyone who hasn't seen my Wattpad, read Awakened. If you don't mind ridiculously long fics, read Andlàtkyn too!

18 I have at least 7 I mostly expect to finish, with at least 4 others just kind of.. there. I don't think I've posted any of those, either. I also have ideas inspired by dreams that I'd love to write down someday, though don't really expect to actually codify.

19 I kind of just don't. I work on different projects as the inspiration hits, take a backseat for a month or so, then come back to either the same project or a different one.

20 Hmmm.. Hard to think of something specific. I'm leaning towards stuff in Andlàtkyn. I don't really have a favorite kiss scene because I don't do romance. I write adventure! Andlàtkyn has some side romance though- not that any of it is my favorite. Platonic stuff, though.. I'd say my favorite is honestly Lust and Alter incidentally befriending each other and becoming venting buddies. It's the cutest thing, their friendship is adorable and wholesome despite the background angst. I didn't write nearly as much of them as deserved.

21 Honestly it's mostly lack of inspiration that I'm pretty sure stems from depression. If I could get an ADHD prescription or depression meds I'd probably be a lot better but like. I am completely broke. So much so that those issues aren't even in the top 10 of pressing problems solved with money.

22 Given I've literally only done it once.. not really. I guess I post it around everywhere I can think of in excitement?

23 That one continuous dream I had that went on over a month centered on a Nightmare that was freshly corrupted. He was honestly so nerdy and adorable despite putting on the brave and mildly "evil" front. The boy. Him. Goddamnit I want to write that at some point.

24 Honestly I can't think of anything for this one.

25 Oh yeah, I can't think of anything off the top of my head but there's a lot I'd like to fix in all of my stories, lol.

26 Kind of? It's a more recent development, did it for Zeradelsída which still has yet to be written, did it for that Ninjagaësia too. A little bit of a broad, even vaguer outline for things I want to happen in Awakened, too? More like events, no particular order or connection.

27 A few of those WIP's that haven't been posted... Okay technically just one. There's also the very first fic I wrote that is subsequently the only one I've ever deleted.

28 Angstiest often coincides with cursed for some reason, so I'll just go with the ending of Andlàtkyn for the Apple Twins.

29 I kind of just.. don't. If I do, I start hating everything, and because I'm not THAT bad at spelling and grammar I think it's mostly fine the way it is.

30 Oh absolutely. It's particularly obvious when one looks at Andlàtkyn, which I wrote over the course of 4 years. Really neat transition, if I ever manage to do it, I'd rewrite the beginning a little to match the rest when crossposting to AO3. If I ever get around to that.

31 Again, Andlàtkyn. That fic is my baby, man. It's so precious to me.

32 Honestly I don't know for this one, which is weird.

33 100% Ink of Awakened. My little boy. I have some friends that would rib the hell out of me if they ever found out, lol. Thankfully the main one doesn't even remember that he has a Tumblr.

34 I was not expecting how hard of a question this is! I thought it was Andlàtkyn, but thinking about it.. I don't think so? It might simply just change depending on which one I'm currently fixated on, but at the moment I think my favorites to get that on is Awakened and Ninjagaësia, second of which already has basically nothing to begin with.

35 I don't have anything, oof.

Fanfic/Author Ask Game

Write a scene from [insert fic] in another character’s POV

Which of your fics is your pride and joy?

What are your top three most commonly used tags on AO3?

What are some words or phrases you feel like you overuse?

What’s something you learned while researching a fic?

Would you ever accept requests or commissions?

Coffee or tea while you write?

What is your favorite line/section from [insert fic]?

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

Is there a character or ship you'd love to write for, but haven't yet?

What makes a fic 'successful' in your opinion?

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Do you have an 'official' creative writing background such as a degree or previous experience publishing?

What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

Does anyone you know in real life know you write fanfiction?

What do you struggle with most when writing?

What is something you recently felt proud of in your writing?

How many WIPs do you have and how many do you expect to finish?

How do you get over writer's block?

Share your favorite kiss scene from [insert fic]. If there's no kiss scene, share your favorite moment of intimacy (romantic or platonic)

What stops you from writing more in your free time?

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

Which scene/theme was the inspiration for [insert fic]?

Are there any moments in [insert fic] that feel "blurry" to you? Is this a stylistic choice, or would you go back and clarify the descriptions if you were given the chance?

Do you ever "prep" your fics with outlines or warmups before you start writing, or do you just dive right in?

Are any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Have you noticed your style change over time?

What fic meant the most to you to write?

A character you enjoy making suffer.

A character you want to protect.

What is your favorite fic to get comments/messages on?

Wild Card: Ask me something else!

[starconstruction]

I really love your 🌙 smut, as a f-reader, I like how you consider f-reader as well in the kinks post, even it’s for m-reader I still like it so much , I want to see more about cosplay kink of jinsoul hehe~ I do think her fav one is student and teacher (because she love school uniform a lot🥰)

Classroom Cosplay

Allow me to give you some more Jinsoul cosplaying, i was going to do both readers for these thoughts but i didnt have the motivation.

I'll keep writing female readers for non fic asks, because it doesn't require it to be wrote twice. If im suggested any really good f!reader fics i might do them but they seem to be less popular so idk.

Smut Tags: Classroom, uniform kink, clothed sex, table sex, blowjob, creampie, rough, cosplay.

wc:1111, not proof read.

The faux classroom wasn't majorly convincing, but it would do. You had rearranged the guest room, scrapping the bed in place of tables. Buying a cheap whiteboard which had hastily drawn equations on it, the walls painted a soft beige. The walls had several pieces of paper on it, class work that Jinsoul had written in her last year of college.

You were sat at your desk, the "lesson" just concluded. The phantom students walked out the door, Jinsoul was about to join them. But you couldn't let that slide. "Jinsoul. Come here." You spoke firmly, gesturing at the desk in front of you. Jinsoul complied, sitting on the wooden surface.

She was wearing her last year college uniform, a black skirt that had well and truly rode up her legs. Giving you a view of her lace panties, her white shirt was mostly obscured under the accessories. A black tie laid on her chest surrounded by a grey and maroon cuffed blazer. Her hair was in a neat ponytail, she always looked beautiful but she was in her element here.

"What do you want professor?" Her voice turned the sweetness up to 100. Like she was innocent and not a class disrupting bitch. "You keep disrespecting me, distracting others and disrupting the class." You barked, "What do you have to say for yourself!" You felt strong in this moment.

Jinsoul paused, pretending to give a fuck. Tapping her fingers into the desk, "Oh nooooo.. I'm so sorrryyy." Your chest tightened as you got up from your desk, you towered over her body trying not to fly into a fit of rage. "You are a disrespectful pest." You breathed, Jinsoul smiled in your face. "If I've been such a bad girl, why don't you punish me?" She said, a gaze of defiance over her face. "Fine, I'll give you another essay to do."

Her smile disappeared, "No professor.. Not like that." Jinsoul grabbed your hand, pressing your long fingers against her panties. Now slightly wet as she fell into character. "Like this, if I'm such a bad girl make me regret it." She gasped.

"Oh really now?" You said, rubbing her clothed cunt. Her body reacted to your touch, gasping as her legs started to close in pleasure. "Yes professor..." That wasnt going to do, she had to learn. "Call me sir." You demanded, pulling her tie against her neck. Her lips met yours with the taste of flavourless sugar. Jinsoul's hand wondered against your slacks. Fingers brushing against your clothed hardness, they started to rub as Jinsoul kissed harder into your mouth.

You two pulled away from each other's lips, a string of shared saliva connecting you two. Jinsoul's pink tongue sliced it up as she looked at you expectantly, "Sir, are you going to punish me or what?" She smirked, baiting a reaction out of you like she was dangling fish food. "You fucking slut." You growled.

In an instant hands found her legs, roughly shoving her into the floor as she fell on her knees on the ground next to you. A yelp of surprise came from her sensational mouth, now inches from your clothed dick. "You want a punishment so bad?" You asked, Jinsoul nodded eagerly. "Then you'll fucking get one." You unzipped your pants, boxers falling suit with your cock firmly pressing against her mouth.

"You will take everything I give you." Before Jinsoul could react you forced yourself into her mouth, eyes widening as your length was firmly inside. She was warm and inviting, saliva coating your cock as her tongue was dragging against the bottom of your shaft. Every bump brought a whirlwind of pleasure, Jinsoul's cheeks tightened as they hollowed out.

"Such a great throat for a good slut.." You moaned, but if she wanted a punishment she was going to have it. You monuvered her body, pushing her against the throat of your desk. Still planted deep inside her mouth, the new angle gave you deeper access into her college mouth pussy. Slamming into the students throat "God, your slutty throat takes me so well.." You groaned, her eyes pooled with tears as your cock hit the back of her mouth. Sliding down her throat as you pulled back and forth, "You want my cum in your stomach?" She tried to nod, struggling against the frequent assault. "Too bad, you don't deserve it in anywhere but that cunt of yours." You moaned, her hands trapped against her side as you used her.

You grew bored of her greedy throat, pulling out the slick cavern. Saliva dripped against the floor as your cock was now dirty in her spit. Jinsoul started to catch her breath, heaving as she coughed up more saliva onto the carpet. Your hand grabbed her collar, picking her up as she looked at you with a pitch black lust. "Sir.. I'm so wet, please.." Her voice was whiny, hand tugging at your shirt. "Fuck me." You had to comply, cleaning off the desk as the equipment rained down onto the floor.

Jinsoul fell against the desk, body hitting the surface as she laid there. "I'm going to keep this uniform on you slut." The way she looked in her uniform was irresistible, moving the soiled fabric between her legs to the right, cock rubbing against the eager folds. Soft and supple as it coated your tip, you lined up with her hole. "I'm going to penetrate this cunt, make you regret ever disrupting my class." You pressed in. A shared moan erupting in the classroom as you entered her tightness.

You and Jinsoul had sex several times before, she was always tight but this was different. Clenching against your cock, suffocating it as you were drowned in her juices. This angle made it hard to thrust into her, an uphill battle that was rewarded with hitting her g-spot. "Yes s-sir! Ram that cock into me!" She begged, locking eyes with you as you entered and left her gripping walls. Balls slamming against the desk as you thrusted into her wanton body.

"Jinsoul!" You accidentally called her name, hand reaching towards her mouth. "Open up." Her mouth complied, finger weaseling in as her tongue licked it. Sucking on your digit as you slammed into her crotch, cunt reddening as every slap of your body drove her wild.

Her earlier head made you sensitive under the cunt of your student. "I'm gonna cum!! Fuck!" You blew into her body, spurts of semen shot up into womb as you pulled out, dripping onto the classroom ground.

"Thank you Y/N, you are an excellent actor." She said, kissing you passionately.

[t-a-a-1]

Can you do bayverse optimus ?Tlk if you can.It can be whatever you want i love your scrumptious writing hehe also ignore this if you're uncomfortable!^_^

Raindrops

Summary: Optimus asks you a very important question.

A/N: Written after the happenings of TLK. 4K Words

Raindrops

....

Everyday since he met you, he’s asked himself the same question. 

“Would you come with me?”

It was a question he had imagined the answer to. A resounding ‘no’.

Optimus didn’t see any reason why you would want to go with him to Cybertron. Leaving your friends, family and career behind. All the commodities Earth provided you will be gone the moment you decide to come with him.

And it’s not like he offers you a beautiful home. Cybertron was hostile, after the war it had become ruins. He dreamed many times of showing you his home in its golden age. You would have loved the museums, the theaters, the libraries, the arts. Would you have loved them as much you love your planet? Would it be enough for you to want to stay?

“It seems Earth and Cybertron’s destiny has always been intertwined,” the sun is setting. Optimus looks at his home planet, now on Earth’s orbit. “If that had been any other celestial object, it would probably cause catastrophic events. But it seems like Cybertron was made to not disturb Earth’s gravitational pull and magnetic fields.”

Your field wasn’t physics but you had basic knowledge on how things worked. Just like he expected you to do, you started to ask the real questions. Something he was trying to avoid as long as he could. 

“But I wonder if that’s because Cybertron currently lacks a core … Maybe once we are able to restore it, Cybertron’s gravitational pull will be too strong and destroy Earth.”

You look at him but he seems lost in thought. You didn’t blame him, having his home planet back must be unbelievable. After so many years of war and lost friends, what he always wanted is right here. 

“When that happens, we’ll have to send Cybertron back to its original place in the universe.”

You expected him to continue the conversation some way or another but it's as if he wasn’t listening or rather he did not want to. Maybe he is tired of everything and wishes to leave immediately. Probably not wanting to deal with humans anymore. 

Sighing heavily, you turn around, the wind moving your hair. The smell of the grass was strong and so a new aroma. It was hard to describe. Metal but alive. It was probably Cybertron. It didn’t bother you but it was different. 

Looking back at Optimus made you realize that maybe he wanted to be alone. It is a lot of process for today. 

“Well, then I guess this is goodbye–”

And suddenly, a servo is in front of you. Stopping you from walking any further. You look back, only to find Optimus’ faceplate extremely close to you. 

“I-I … My apologies, I don’t know what took over me.”

It’s like you triggered something in him with your words. But you weren’t sure what. Now he looks confused and lost. As if I wanted to say more but can’t or don't have the words. You wanted to guess but your mind made you believe stupid ideas. Ones in which you prefer to not indulge any longer. They will only cause you unnecessary pain. 

“It’s alright, you must be emotional. That’s all.”

You wait for a few seconds in which you could see Optimus’ blue optics in all of their glory. They were beautiful as they were mysterious. So close that you could see the small circuitry and cables that make up his optics. Such intricacy that you find yourself lost in them. 

And then … you are ashamed. 

“I must go.”

You say as you look away, expecting him to move his servo but he doesn’t. 

“I must go.”

You say again and this time you see the hesitancy in his faceplace.

He slowly removes his servo and distances himself from you. His optics looks away and then looks at you in a repetitive manner. 

“Do you–”

“I–”

“Oh sorry, you go first–” You raise a hand, trying to get his attention only to be interrupted by the Prime. 

“No, you go first.”

It was awkward. And the fact that it was that way made you wonder what went wrong. In what moment did things between the two of you become so uncomfortable? Was it just the sudden realization of final peace? Was it too unrealistic for the two of you to believe? What is it? 

“Nothing, I was just wondering if there’s something you wanted to say before I leave?”

Optimus servo clutch into fits. He opens his intake but nothing would come out. It was strange to see him this way. So confused, so … innocent. As if he was a kid trying to ask for another piece of cake. Too shy to ask and yet you find these small moments to be a treasure. 

“I was just wondering …” 

He hesitates again. He closes his optics and lets out a heavy vent. Turning his entire body around, you are unable to see his faceplate. 

“When the time comes … Will you …”

His voice becomes so low that you are unable to hear him. 

“What?” 

You ask him, confused by his sudden lack of confidence. 

“Will you … me?”

He says again but the loud wind and low tone voice weren’t helping the situation. 

“... What?”

You ask once again, your voice gets louder, showing your clear annoyance at being unable to hear him.

“Will you come to Cybetron with me?!”

Suddenly, he turns around, you can see his faceplate again. 

It was that expression again. One that you had only seen a few times. That of pure distress. Worriness. Anxiety. You had seen it before. During that time you had been captured by a Decepticon, badly injured and bleeding. His troubled expression was the last thing you saw before going unconscious. 

But now? What was that distressed look for? What was he so worried about?

“I, I–”

What were you nervous for? Why were you stuttering? Your cheeks are getting hotter and you can’t speak. You can’t manage words. The expression on his faceplate had left you stunned as your brain tried to understand the reasoning behind it. 

The longer you take to answer, the more pain is evident on his faceplate. His eyebrows squish together and his optics tremble. His lips formed a thin line that slowly became an upside down smile. He is begging you to end his torment and yet you know you have to tell him the truth. 

.

.

.

.

It’s quiet around the hangar. 

A small base had been built near Stonehenge. It was the logical thing to do after Cybertron had appeared above the ancient pillars. Although the American Government wasn’t too pleased to make negotiations with the British to let them have a base in their land. 

You weren’t even supposed to be here but due to all the commotion in the last days, they let you stay. As well, Optimus and the rest of the Autobots enjoyed your stay. No one asked you when you will leave nor ever mentioned that you were a bothered. So you decided to stay for a couple of days until things settle down. 

And because your boss had asked you to stay and bring back the full story when you are done. 

“Are we just going to pretend Prime is ok?”

“Not like we can do much either or.”

They probably didn’t see you. As they were too busy talking to each other, carrying a few boxes of what you thought to be Energon. Meanwhile, you were typing on your laptop behind some piles of metal. It’s not like you were hiding but you rather found yourself a place where you could not be bothered when you needed to concentrate. 

“I still can’t believe (Y/N) said no … I thought the two of them had a strong bond.”

“Yes but everything she knows is here,” Bumblebee puts down his box as Hot Rod walks close by.  “Besides, they were too different … things wouldn’t work out.” 

“But does she even know that Optimus’s processor has identified her as his Conjunx?” Hot Rod also puts the Energon box down and sits on top of it. “Boss-Bot won’t be able to attach to anyone ever again … Isn’t that a bit cruel?”

“Cruel?” Bumblebee inquiries. “His Conjunx is someone who lives a fraction of our lives. The universe enjoys the game and the Primes are the pawns.” 

“And they know how to play well.”

It started to rain. It wasn’t unusual for rain to come and go in England. 

The bots look at it with amusement. This was unknown in Cybertron. It will take a long time before they can rebuild Cybertron and go back home but this will be one of the things they will miss the most. 

“What is a Conjunx?”

You came out of your hiding spot, behind the bots and they quickly stumble in their steps as they look down on you. 

“What are you doing there?!”

“What is a Conjunx?”

You ask again, not caring whether Hot Rod or Bumblebee looked like they just had seen a ghost. 

“You don’t need to know that,” Bumblebee quickly starts to walk away while Hot Rod keeps looking back and forth. He looks hesitant but doesn’t speak, waiting for Bee’s next action. 

“You said Optimus saw me as his Conjunx,” you don’t move but rather speak loud enough for him to hear. 

“Yes but there’s no need–”

“She should know,” Hot Rod interrupts the talking yellow Mustang. 

“Optimus wouldn’t want it,” Bumblebee stops walking and turns to look at his comrade and you. There is certain determination in your eyes, letting him know that you won’t stop pushing it until you find the answers you were looking for. You had always been known for that, probably something Optimus likes about you. 

“Optimus will die of sadness if she doesn’t know.”

Bumblebee doesn't say a thing but just ex-vents heavily. 

.

.

.

“Would you stay with me?”

That’s what you wanted to ask but you already knew the answer. A resounding ‘no’. There was nothing for him on Earth. Humanity had once betrayed him and now he is doubtful. Humanity will help rebuild Cybertron and after that the transformers will leave. It would be a selfish thing to ask him to stay. You can’t ask him to give up on everything he fought for. His home, his family and friends, everything was on Cybertron. And you just were a human who wanted him to stay. 

It’s still raining. 

But that doesn’t mean you’ll stop looking for him. 

Although you can already feel yourself getting sick. Your hair is wet and your clothes damp. 

It wasn’t unusual to rain in England but you hated how unpredictable the weather was. The wind was also strong but the base was already too far away to back away now. You had to find him. 

Suddenly, a truck you immediately recognized makes his way towards you. The bot you were looking for appeared in front of you but he aggressively stops and opens his pilot door, signaling to go in. 

You didn’t hesitate and jumped right in. Optimus closes the door and starts driving away as you are welcomed with warmness. Although you were cold and tired, you didn’t wait any longer.

“I was looking for–”

“Have you gone mad?” Optimus asks, his voice showing his clear annoyance. “ What are you doing in the rain without proper protection?”

“What? That doesn’t matter, I was–”

You wanted to start asking questions but you started to sneeze. 

“How can I leave knowing you are this helpless?”

And after that, all previous questions left your mind. 

“Excuse me? I can take care of myself.”

“Your actions tell me otherwise.”

You roll your eyes, maybe he had a point. Running in the rain to look for him was probably not the best of ideas. But you were not about to tell him that. 

“And what about you?” you sneeze again although more softly this time as to not to prove his point any further.  “Aren’t you too told to be outside without an umbrella, you could be getting rusty anytime now?”

Optimus didn’t say a word. Your words will resonate at the back of his processor. He can’t believe he ever thought you would say yes to coming to Cybertron with him. You were right, he was an old rusty robot. Too many scars, too many mistakes and injuries. He can’t provide you with anything. Not even a family. 

And yet he is selfish. 

And you sneeze again.

And again.

“Great, I think I am going to get sick.”

He hates that word. Cybertronians also get sick but rarely. But humans are different. According to his research and observations, humans tend to get sick often and tragically a lot of them die. 

Optimus didn’t want to say a word, his pride told him to stay quiet. That you don’t need his concern, you do not wish it nor want it.

But you sneeze again.

“I’ll be taking you to the closest hospital,” he says as he makes a turn, heading for the closest road. 

“I am not going to the hospital, it's just a cold–”

“You are going to the hospital and it's final,”His voice is demanding but you don’t care.

“No, I won’t–”

“Why won’t you take my feelings into consideration?!”

His inside trembles. You could feel how his engine gets louder. The air coming from his vents got warmer and for a moment you felt your heart race. Out of guilt for making the Prime lose composure.

“What if you die?” he asks again. “What would I do after you are gone?”

The more he talks, the more desperate he sounds. As if he was living the circumstances he speaks of. 

“Have you thought what my life would be like without your presence?” you feel the seatbelt across your chest get tighter. “Do you really wish for me to be tormented for eternity.”

“This isn’t about me going to the hospital, is it?”

He doesn’t respond, his silence answers your question. 

“Let me out Prime, I want to talk to you, face to faceplate.”

He drives off the road and takes you to a heavy section of a nearby forest. Raining still, the tall trees prevent the rain from fully touching the ground. But some drops still make it through. Not like you cared about getting wet, you already were but Optimus had other plans. 

Opening the door and removing the seat belt, you jump out of his alt form. You watch him transform, a scene you will never be tired of. It's beautiful as it is scary, yet he is gentle. He knows it can be scary and he moves slower, softly as if not to scare you. 

Optimus doesn’t mass shift but he tries to see you at an eye-level. It must be uncomfortable for him and before you ask him why he doesn’t size-down, you feel him move closer.

He puts one of his large servo on top of you, protecting you from any rain from touching you.

“I want you to be honest with me,” you say as your breath is agitated, your heart pumping against your chest.  “I need to hear it from you.”

“What do you feel for me?”

Without you knowing, Optimus’ spark is also pulsating strongly against his chassis. He moves his optics away for a second, only for them to return to look at you. 

“You are a valuable asset to the Autobot cause.”

“Is that all?”

“You are also an important comrade.” 

You didn’t expect him to fully understand what you were asking. But you were hoping he could read your undertones. 

“I am giving you one last chance,” you say, your hands turning into a fist. You weren’t the best at this either and if you were honest, you didn’t know what you were trying to achieve.  “Is that all you feel for me?”

The Prime has always been known to be eloquent. Especially with words. But when it comes to you, he loses all sense of vocabulary. It didn’t use to be that way. There used to be a time when you meant nothing to him but a friend. 

But you had never stopped looking for him. After the attacks in Chicago, even after Sam’s death, an occurrence in which he blamed himself, you never stopped looking for him

What is it? Why did you do it?

“Look at the rain … Can you count each drop that falls from the sky?”

Optimus moves his optics to look at his surroundings. The rain, the trees, the beauty of nature. It cannot compare to you. 

“No, I can’t,” you respond quickly, your face full of wonder.

“Then, you are the rain,” he says.  “And I am trying to count.”

He sees your hands soften. Your expression had become awkward, with now avoiding eyes and pink cheeks. He has this need to hold you but respects your anatomy. 

“I can’t tell you how I feel because there are not enough words to describe it,” he calculates his words but he finds himself taking longer to answer. “I could recite you all of Cybertronian poetry and yet that doesn't feel enough for me.”

You keep looking at him and he looks away. Your eyes were too beautiful and it distracts him immensely. 

“But if you were to ask me to count each star in the universe I would,” he lets his spark do the talking, finally subsiding the yearning it has been holding for a long time.  “If you asked me to bring you a star, I would bring you a constellation.”

“This old rusted body belongs to you but if you ask me for my silence and distance, I won’t retaliate.” 

“And if I asked you to stay with me, on Earth, would you do it?”

You know it was a selfish question. You didn’t want to make him choose between his world and you. But you just had to know if there was a small possibility, a small chance that the life you had with him could still be a possibility. 

After the accidents in Chicago, you had looked for him, only to find him broken. Sam’s death had affected him greatly but in that grieve of losing loved ones, something sparked. 

Three years. You had lived with him for three years, in an isolated cottage. Where he could have all the dandelions he wanted. Where he could care for animals and the two of you would look at the stars and try to count them. Each one of them. 

“If that’s what you wish,” Optimus says. “I would stay by your side as long as you would have me.”

“I can’t,” you look away this time. “I won’t ask you to stay with me.”

“You have a duty to complete and Cybertron is your home,” there is more to it. More doubts than you are able to articulate.  “When you asked me to go to Cybertron with you, I said no because I don’t think I am worthy to be on your side.”

“Have my actions made you feel this way?” 

“You are Optimus Prime … I think anyone would feel unworthy,” you pause, thinking about the earlier events. “But today, Bumblebee and Hot Rod told me that you see me as your Conjunx.”

Optimus opens his intake only to close it. He looks side to side, trying to evade eye contact. One of the few times you can tell he is shy. But him acting in such a way has also made your body betray you. You wonder if he can tell just how nervous you are. 

“Does that mean — You do?”

“You weren’t supposed to know,” his voice is delicate with an apologetic tone. As if you had just caught him stealing extra energon from the resource room.  “Without noticing, my processor had one day started the Conjunx Ritus and as time passed, we both successfully completed the requirements.”

“And before I knew it, my Spark belonged to you.”

“But we are so different.”

“And yet here we are,” he makes a pause and he hears the rain. He tries to calm down before asking his next question, knowing that this will break his Spark. “Does my affection displease you?”

“No, no, I just–” you stumble with your words. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Is there a possibility that perhaps, in your heart, you reciprocate my sentiments?”

And you stay silent. Mostly because you don’t fully know what is going through your heart and the implications behind it. Can this even be possible? Are your feelings even real? Can he comprehend what your feelings are? Can this … Whatever it is, be real? 

“Please end my torment,” his faceplate looks to be in distress, his optics yearning. Longing for something unknown to the both of you.  “Your silence makes me have hope and I don’t want to suffer when you destroy my delusions.”

Gently, you walk towards him. You reach out a hand and touch his faceplate. Rubbing your soft skin against his cold metal. You watch his optics close, his engine gets louder just a bit but you hear him. As if your touch had saved him, healed him from whatever his processor agonized him with. 

“You are cold,” you say as you put your forehead against his faceplate. “Until you get warm, I’ll stay with you.”

Optimus didn’t need to ask further. You didn’t have to say anything either. He just basks himself into this moment. Not knowing what the future holds but he doesn’t care as long as you are with him. This moment won’t last forever but he wants to think that one day it could be true. 

A moment were he believed he could spend eternity counting the raindrops and stars in the sky with you. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N: Sorry this took so long. I’ve seen all the Bayverse movies but TLK is a movie that is a bit hard for me to write about because I don’t understand it much lol. But I still hope you like this and that it's not too OOC?  

It was fun to write this! So thank you so much for the request! :) 

[steveseddie]

endlessly

written for @steddielovemonth day twenty eight “endlessly” by the cab | rating: t | wc: 2,1k | tags: post s4, three years in the future, established relationship, marriage proposal, fluff

read on ao3

There’s a shop down the street where they sell plastic rings for a quarter a piece and Eddie swears it might be his favorite thing about his and Steve’s apartment in Chicago.

Well, no. He really loves that it’s only five minutes away from Buckley’s dorm and that it has a fire exit that’s often visited by their downstairs neighbor’s cat. And of course, he also loves living there with Steve.

But that little shop is pretty sick too. Eddie is constantly misplacing his rings, and this way, it’s easier for him to replace them.

He stops by once or twice every week, which in Steve’s opinion is too much.

“You only have ten fingers, Eds, how many rings can you possibly need?” He tells him every time, but he always asks Eddie to show him his most recent buy.

Today’s visit has gotta be quick. Steve is waiting for Eddie and the black pepper he sent him to get for his homemade chili. So it’s in and out of the shop in less than five minutes, a new black band secured in his pocket, before Eddie hurries back home.

But even if he does, Steve still lets out an impatient little huff when he arrives.

“There you are!” He says, walking over to Eddie– and grabbing the black pepper from his hands, ignoring him.

Eddie lets out an offended string of noises. “And what am I? Chopped liver?”

“No, you are late,” Steve chastises, but still presses a placating kiss to Eddie’s lips before going back to the sizzling saucepan.

Eddie follows him and hops on the counter, his legs dangling back and forth as he watches Steve stir. “Unless everyone’s hiding in our bathroom, and I would be impressed, given how small it is, there’s no one here yet so there’s no way I’m late,” Eddie says petulantly.

Steve rolls his eyes, adding the black pepper to the chili. “They’ll be here soon. Rob called to say she was leaving her dorm and the kids said they’d get here around two, and you know they’ll be starving from the three hour ride. And they’ll bitch if lunch isn’t ready.”

“They’ll bitch either way,” Eddie says with a snort. “If not because of the food, then for the fact that they’re all sleeping on the floor since we only have one couch.”

Their apartment is hardly the Harringtons’ mansion, and while it’s more than enough for Eddie and Steve, it doesn’t have multiple guest rooms and mattresses to fit nine people for a weekend.

Chuckling, Steve stirs the black pepper in. “You’re probably right, remind me why we agreed to this again?”

Eddie taps his bottom lip with his finger, pretending to think. “Mm, because you can’t say no to them, and because Lucas was excited to use his newly acquired license to get them all here. Oh, and because you miss them.”

“You miss them too,” Steve points out, one hand on his hip while the other brandishes the wooden spoon in front of Eddie’s face.

“I admit to nothing!” Eddie says, but the truth is that he does.

The last time they saw the kids was a couple of months ago, when he and Steve drove to Hawkins for Wayne’s birthday and it had really hit Eddie just how much they’ve grown in the time they were away. Mike had been taller than both him and Steve, Lucas had actual facial hair. El’s curls were almost as long as Eddie’s while Max had chopped hers off and was rocking a badass bob. Will had a boyfriend and Henderson had a goddamned tattoo, for God’s sake.

Needless to say that visit had left Eddie reeling, Steve too. And while they were both excited to see them and show them around Chicago over the weekend, neither is ready to see how many other things have changed since then.

God, is this how parents feel when they watch their kids grow up? Maybe all those jokes about him and Steve co-parenting these shitheads were right all along.

“Here, try this,” Steve says, snapping Eddie out of his spiral. He holds the spoon in front of Eddie’s lips for him to taste it in a move that’s become familiar since they moved in together. Eddie leans forward and takes it into his mouth.

Then he lets out a moan.

“Fuck, Steve,” he says, watching Steve’s cheeks go pink, either at the praise or the familiar obscene sound. “That’s so good, oh my God.”

Steve ducks his head, smiling. “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Eddie hums, licking his lips. “I’d marry you for that alone.”

It’s hardly the first time Eddie has said that, but Steve’s reaction is the same as always. His cheeks pink up even more and a pleased bashful smile stretches over his lips. He puts the spoon in the sink and covers the saucepan to let the chili simmer before he stands between Eddie’s legs.

“You keep saying that, but I’ve yet to see the ring,” Steve says, teasingly, only Eddie’s mind goes to the ring in his pocket, the black band that would look so good in Steve’s ring finger–

And before he knows it, he’s jumping off the counter and dropping to his knees.

With a raised eyebrow, Steve takes half a step back. “Eds, you know I’d let you blow me for how good my food is any day, but the kids will be here soon–”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Steve,” Eddie scoffs. “This isn’t that, although that chili is definitely blow job worthy.”

“Well, if it isn’t that then what are you doing down there?”

Hell if I know, Eddie thinks before digging into his jeans, taking the ring out.

Steve blinks down at it. “Did you stop by that shop again?”

“Yes,” Eddie says and before Steve can protest, he adds, “But this one isn’t for me. It’s for you.”

Steve’s eyebrows shoot up in his forehead and when Eddie holds it up to him, his eyes widen, his jaw going slack.

“Oh my god.”

Eddie clears his throat. “Steve, these last three years with you have felt like a dream. Most of the time, I still can’t believe they weren’t one. That I won’t wake up from a coma at that damned secret hospital to find that none of it happened or that I died that day in the Upside Down and this is actually heaven. Life with you is just that good, sweetheart. I’m the luckiest son of a bitch because I get to come home to you every day and wake up next to you and your ridiculously bad bed head.” At that, Steve makes the first noise since Eddie started his speech– a soft wet chuckle.

“And I might be pushing my luck here, Stevie, because half the time I think I don’t deserve you. You deserve a– a gold ring and a beautiful house and someone who doesn’t think that jeans without holes in them counts as formal wear. But while I might not be able to give you that, I can and I will love you endlessly. So, ignoring the fact that legally we can’t, because fuck society, will you, Steve Harrington, marry me?”

Steve’s mouth opens with a gasp but before Eddie can get his answer, the door to their apartment swings open and in walks Robin.

She learned the hard way to use the key that they gave her cautiously after she walked in on them going at it half naked in the kitchen. The only reason why she used it today is probably because she thought it was safe to do it, knowing that they wouldn’t get up to any funny business while they were expecting the kids.

She probably didn’t expect to walk in on this instead.

To be fair, Eddie didn’t expect to do this at all today.

“Boys, look who I ran into downstairs!” She says, holding the door open for the kids before freezing on the spot. “Oh my God!”

“They’re naked, aren’t they?” Dustin groans. That damn tone is the one thing that hasn’t changed at all.

Robin sputters. “Uh, no, they’re–”

“Oh my God!” Mike gasps, echoing Robin’s words as he steps in and sees Eddie on his knees in front of Steve, the ring still held between his fingers.

“What? What?” The others ask, trying to get a look while stuck behind Mike’s tall frame.

They see El’s head pop up under his arm. “Eddie is proposing to Steve!”

“What?” Max and Dustin shriek, shoving Mike out of the way and stumbling into the apartment with Lucas and Will in tow.

Lucas gasps. “Holy shit!”

“Did he say yes?” Will asks, glancing between the two.

Dustin gives his arm a light slap. “Of course he said yes, he’s just as obsessed with Eddie as Eddie is with him.”

“Actually,” Eddie cuts in, speaking for the first time since they all barged in. “He hasn’t, you shitheads interrupted him.”

“Dude!” Max lets out an indignant huff. “What are you waiting for?”

“Yeah, Steve!” The boys all agree, El’s wide eyes do too.

“Children–” Robin chastises, but Eddie can see the curious glint in her eyes.

“I–” Steve starts, finally saying something but he doesn’t get far before Eddie interrupts him.

“Stevie, it’s okay, you just can tell me later–”

He firmly shakes his head. “No, Eds, I don’t mind that the kids are here,” he says, his lips tugging upwards as he starts his own speech. “I don’t mind that you got that ring from that shop down the street that I insist you spend way too much time in, or that we live in this small apartment and that you only own a single pair of jeans without any rips on them. I don’t care about any of that because I love you, and I love our life, and nothing would make me happier than being married to you even if it’s not official. Actually, fuck that, we can have our own wedding and it can be real to us. All that matters is that I get to love you. Endlessly.”

Eddie gapes at Steve, his heart in his throat. He wants to say something, anything, but he’s afraid he might embarrass himself by starting to cry.

“Dude,” Mike says, breaking the silence for him. “That was so sappy.”

“Shhhh!” They all say in unison while Max delivers a slap to the back of his head.

Eddie can’t help but laugh– a happy, giddy sound. “No, Wheeler is right. That was sappy.”

Steve shoots him a betrayed look. “Shut up. You’re lucky they didn’t hear your speech!”

“Don’t act like it didn’t make you swoon,” he teases.

Steve’s cheeks go red. “You’re insufferable, I take it back, I won’t marry you.”

“No take backsies!” Eddie protests, grabbing Steve’s hand and sliding the ring on. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“I know,” Steve says, his smile tipping into something soft as he hauls Eddie to his feet so he can kiss him.

Their friends cheer but the sounds quickly turn into groans as they both get a little carried away with their kiss.

“Do you guys need us to go back to the car and give you a minute to be gross?” Lucas asks after a while.

Eddie feels tempted to say yes but before he can Dustin jumps in protest. “No way! We’ve been in that car for hours and I’m starving!”

Steve and Eddie exchange a bemused look. They know their kids well.

“Well, lunch is ready, so go wash up and then you shitheads can eat.”

As soon as Steve says it, they all barrel into the apartment, squeezing into their tiny bathroom so they can wash their hands, arguing over who goes first the whole time.

Robin closes the door behind her and hands Steve her key. “I don’t think it’s not safe for me to have that,” she says sheepishly.

Eddie snorts. “Your timing really is impeccable, Buckley.”

Pulling them both in for a hug, she says, “I love you, dinguses and I’m happy for you, but if you make anyone else your Maid of Honor, I’ll kill you.”

“We love you too,” Steve chuckles, and Eddie agrees with a nod.

She pulls away, heading to the bathroom so she can also wash up.

Steve wraps his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. “And I love you,” he says with a kiss to his temple. “Endlessly.”

Eddie intertwines his fingers with the hand that rests over his shoulder, feeling the ring on Steve’s finger. It causes a flutter in his chest.

“Yeah, Stevie,” he says, giving his fingers a squeeze. “Endlessly.”

[oceansoul001]

So it's been around two weeks now since I've finished Kingdom Come Deliverance 2, and to tell you all that there has not been a single day that I haven't thought about this game would be such a big understatement. Cause I'm not sure there has been a single hour that I'm awake that I haven't thought about it. And it's so weird! Let me explain.

I mean, it's not atypical for me to be fascinated by a piece of culture, be it a game, a movie, a tv series, a book, whatever. But this, this is something else, on a completely different level, and for the love of everything I just can't explain it! Maybe two weeks it's still super fresh, maybe it's because I'm now still playing the first KCD, what keeps me within this world, but I find myself constantly going back to thinking about it, about the story, about the characters, and most of all of course about Henry & Hans, and how special they feel to me.

It is particularly weird with Henry, because he is this strange amalgam of a written character and a player character, a sort-of-my-avatar in this world, but at the same time quite defined. I cannot compare this balance to any other game protagonist really, every other (that I know of) was either one or another, with my preference being always the custom character with some defined characteristics - meaning custom looks and gender, even if the backstory or a general vibe was not changeable (like, let's say, a Dark Urge in BG3 is for me a custom character, even if some crucial parts of them are well defined). But Henry's not like that, he always looks like Henry and sounds like Henry. At the same time, the flexibility of how he can react to the world is wider than with a typical written character. And even if within the game story we cannot actually change or influence what happens, generally the same things in the main plot always happen to my Henry and to your Henry, I think we can still differ in interpretation, what it actually means for MY Henry, and it can differ from what it means for YOUR Henry. And neither of us would be incorrect.

Some people might compare this maybe to the Witcher series, which is probably the closest, yes, but for me it's still completely different. I never WAS Geralt in my heart in any game from the trilogy. I played as Geralt, I made some choices, I picked a romance, I was immersed in the stories etc, but it was always the same Geralt to me, one and established character, not MY character. Maybe because he was first and foremost the book character in my head, and much later a video game protagonist, so it might feel different for other people, but I never had with him this weird fluid feeling of being him and not being him when I played the games. And I have it with Henry. I don't know if it makes any sense at all to anybody beside me.

And with Henry, it feels different, it feels as if I partially were Henry, when I played; I would not ask myself "Hmm, what would Henry do in this situation", it was rather "What would I do", with me being Henry at that point. With me taking over the emotions that my Henry would feel at a given moment. This again might feel as a regular thing for some people, who immerse themselves easily into defined protagonists, but it is not typical for me. And I tell you more - I have this... Thing... That it is much more difficult for me to find my own voice in a male protagonist. I can love them and root for them, of course, but it is like watching a movie or reading a book. Not "becoming" them when I'm playing as them in a video game.

I'm this kind of RPG player that always, like ALWAYS, plays as a female character, if I have a choice. I've never thought about it much, or why it's that way, but it is something I am very conscious about. And with Henry it's somehow different, it's like the way he is written and presented leaves still a place for me to blend in somewhere as well, despite the fact that he actually has an unchangeable face and an unchangeable voice. ...Or maybe it is partially because of that? Meaning that Henry is NOT your 'typical male video game protagonist', thank gods. But it cannot be just that, as there are definitely more characters in other games that do not fall into this category as well, and they don't leave me with the same feeling Henry does. I cannot explain it any better I'm afraid, I just feel this special connection between myself as a player and Henry as a protagonist that I have not felt before. And it makes him so, so special to me.

With Hans it is much easier to explain of course. Everyone loves Hans. He is funny, and witty, and cocky, and caring, and emotional, and vulnerable, and yes, he is sometimes self-absorbed, but he is also this pure, naive idealist - I LOVE the part when he says to Brabant that the role of the nobility is to protect the people they rule over, because I know that he genuinely believes that! He is this type of character that I always feel the need to protect, even if he doesn't need it actually at a given moment. Like in the framework of the game, when I AM Henry, I would gladly carry him over any puddle, so that he always stays safe, and warm, and comfy, and I would die for him no questions asked at any given point, even if it meant like the worst possible game ending for me as a player. Have I already mentioned that I love Hans?

But there is also one more layer, the layer that in my head is simply labeled as "Henry&Hans", together. And this is probably THE weirdest part to explain from all of this babbling. But I've got to try. So generally, when it comes to romances in fiction, I would say that yes, I enjoy a good romance, I really like when it is part of a story, I root for characters that I like to get together. But I rarely think about it outside of enjoying said fiction. I am usually not much of a shipper, don't read fanfictions, don't download fanarts, etc. I am now trying to recall when was the last time that I was really, like REALLY invested in a fictional ship, and I don't know, I think it might have been in 2017, when The Last Jedi premiered, and I was immensely angry that Rey and Kylo Ren didn't get together. It was freaking 8 years ago!

It is a bit different when it comes to romances in video games with customizable protagonists, because in that case I don't only expect to be immersed, I demand to be immersed, so to speak, if this is supposed to work. I need to feel something, anything, to be engaged in a romance that I am supposed to be an active part of, meaning choosing a character to romance, picking dialogue options, enjoying interactions, etc. And it happens quite rare. Most of romances in video games are just an additional mechanic of a sort, and choosing "I am going to romance this character" is not much different than "I am going to buy this ship/horse/base", or less harshly "I am going to make all squad mates loyal to me", not necessarily because I like all of them equally, but because it is possible within the game, so why not.

The video game romances that truly got to me were of course mostly the ones that had some good writing behind it, or great acting, or an interesting angle. I loved my Astarion romance during my first BG3 playthrough, because it ticked all the categories mentioned above, but also something beyond that. And I never loved any other of the romances from BG3 to the same degree, even though most of them are truly great and I really enjoyed playing through them. I loved my Solas romance in DAI (and in DATV even), because it was so different, it mostly wasn't even there so to say, like it was probably the least of romance content possible to even have a romance, but it touched something in me. And... No, that's that, that were the only ones that I had feelings and emotions about as a me-player, not just as a character I am pretending to be. Up till now.

So, with Henry&Hans romance, to jump from one digression to another digression, because who is reading all this at this point anyway, for quite some time I didn't even know, and later didn't fully believe, that is in the game. I started to play KCD2 around two weeks before it premiered, and all I've heard at this point was that there is potentially some gay romance that some people were rioting about, but I didn't even care much. You see, coming back to my previous notes about not being really immersed into male protagonists, because I am not male, it was always the same, or even more true, with romances - I was actually really immersed only into romances where I can play as a female character and I can romance a male character of my choosing. Because that is how it works in my life as well. Imagine my surprise when I'm playing through this medieval simulator about some guys engaging in some politics and shit, not expecting that this is soon going to be one of the most important games in my life, and then suddenly getting smitten by these two. It was when we got to Trosky, I remember it clearly, and they told me that I have now twelve bell tolls to save Hans. MY HANS! I mean, not mine at that point, really. At that point what I felt was probably sadness, because I was sure, oh I was so sure, that they would never let us romance Hans, are you kidding me? Like two main characters that have a history together, that are actually connected to one another throughout the whole story? With Hans being present in the game as his own, fully fledged character, with his own story arc, being already our best friend? Not being in the game to serve the one purpose of being a romanceable character? And to top it all, with like two guys?! I believe I am quite media-literate, so to say, have consumed my portion of different arts, and I just know it won't happen, it can't happen. It would be a contradiction to everything we have known so far. This kind of ships happen only in our imagination, in our fanfics, in our fanarts. So I didn't even dwell on it much.

And then came the ride to Nebakov, the first in game moment when you see this dialogue option with a heart icon next to it, and what the hell, am I just imagining things? I kid you not, for the next week my mind was living in this prison of "are they fucking Hans-baiting me; I won't forgive them if they are", because I simply couldn't believe that this is actually possible, that this could be our romance option, a meaningful one!

So it was probably all of the above, finally a meaningful romance, not just something slapped on a game with a plot as a separate thing, finally a meaningful character, not a "romanceable character", but a main character with a possible romance, if you get what I'm trying to say. A character that I've already started to love. And with this incomprehensible thing of me becoming Henry when I'm playing, it clicked. It clicked as nothing else ever did in the fiction that I've experienced so far.

And now I'm sitting here, a woman in her late 30s, not queer, thinking about these two fictional guys and their fictional love, like every day, and what it means to me as a person, and I just can't!!! The weirdest feeling ever. But a wholesome one, I think.

Thank you, if for some reason you've decided to read through this, I promise that I am not crazy, or at least I thought so up till this point. Now... not so sure. I needed to vent it all somewhere, somehow, and this is probably like the only place on the internet where I won't feel very bad about spilling it all out.

[acphengene]

Gone

₊ ⁺ pairing: Sunghoon x reader

₊ ⁺ word count: 713

₊ ⁺ genre: soulmate au, angst

₊ ⁺ note: this is not Sunghoons story but more of an alternative ending for him, so you’ll get your sappy story some other time, I just needed to get this out! I have not proof read this sorry if it’s not as well written as usual

The two of you had found eachother on the day you got your mark, for a second everything turned black and white until your eyes locked and all the colors once again returned.

You had hoped it would be him, that Sunghoon was the person you were destined to be with. He had cried and you had comforted him, you always did.

He was your best friend and you were his, the two of you against the world. But then you got sick, and he was right there by your side, kissing your forehead and bringing you flowers. You never felt more blessed.

To this day he still brought you flowers every time he returned to you. You knew it was hard for him whenever he had to leave again, to go back to his idol life, forced to forget about you, forced to act like you didn’t exist. But you also knew it was for the best. It was easier this way.

Whenever he returned from his home once every year he was distant, the guys had gotten used to it over the years and left him alone. It was harder now, had been since Jake had found Dovie.

He saw how they looked at him, with both pity for not having a mark and hope that he just didn’t discover it yet. And he could tell them, tell them about you, introduce you all, but if he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t ready yet.

You respected his decision, and in some ways you also didn’t mind that you were his little secret. You understood why he did it.

Today you had been excited, excited because it was your birthday and that always meant he came to visit. But he didn’t smile when he gave you the flowers, he didn’t tell you about what he had been up to. He just cried.

“It’s hard little one, it’s getting harder and harder every year”

You reached out for him but he avoided your touch. You winced.

“Sometimes I wish it wasn’t you” he finally admitted. And as much as it hurt you understood. “Sometimes I wish you weren’t mine”

He laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “I sometimes pretend that my person is still out there, I sometimes dream that my mark hasn't manifested yet, that it in reality is a touch mark and I won’t know until I meet her, touch her.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, it just isn't fair” he sat down on the grass, pulling at it and you rolled his eyes. He had always had a hard time sitting still, it was cute, but incredibly annoying.

“I just miss you” he said and finally looked up at you. It was as if he was staring right through you. You reached for his hand but he didn’t react to your touch. He never did.

I miss you too.

It was okay that he was sad, it was okay that he let out his frustrations, you too had sometimes wished that he hadn't been yours, but the universe had decided.

It hadn’t cared enough for your soulmate, it hadn’t given him a chance of true love, it had left him with you, and as much as you loved him, you did also feel bad for him.

He stood again after a long silence. “Happy birthday, I love you. Always have, always will”

Sunghoon stepped past you and laid a hand on the stone that stood on your grave, and you hated you couldn’t pull him close, you hated you couldn’t return the words. Couldn’t tell him that it was okay if this was the last time he came.

You always wondered if this would be the last time he came by, if he had finally healed that part of his soul enough to finally let go. Maybe the universe would grant him a new soulmate if he let you go. You hoped so.

What you failed to understand was that he didn’t want someone new, he just wanted you. He knew he would find you in his next life, and he couldn’t wait. But maybe in another universe you were still alive, maybe he was still searching for you there. He hoped so.

Note: did I manage to rip your heart out? I hope so, I know it’s mean. I’ll do him justice eventually - but first it’s Niki’s turn and I’m still so lost for ideas. Okay honestly that’s a lie I just have to many ideas and can’t figure out which one to choose. Might do a vote and let you decide 🤷🏼‍♀️

Taglist: @why4anne @juicygirl4life @azzy02 @bluxjun @why-did-i-just-do-this @elairah @ramyeonzwithspam @floating-moon-dust @skyearby @acourtofmoonlightandstars @garrdenwonie @whateveridontcaresheesh @stormy1408 @tunafishyfishylike @sol3chu @spicxbnny @blvengene

[yes-no-maybe-soo]

Now that I've slept on things and the high from the Reruns announcement is out of my system I gotta say... I can't be excited about this. All I see now is yet more proof of Paperfold's greed and their lack of care for their players, as well as for the longevity of LADS.

I don't want to be a party pooper. Truly, I don't. I want to be unreservedly pumped and happy about this. As someone who came relatively late to the game, Reruns are something I've prayed for since late October when I ordered my Tablet specifically to play LADS (yes, that's how much of a Sylus simp I am). But this is not the way to go about it, imo. It's a slap in the face to F2Players and low spenders, as well as to those of us who spend a fair amount.

Just think about it. Assuming the rerun banners will have the same pity system as the regular banners, we'll need 140 wishes to be guaranteed the card we want. Now run that banner alongside a new banner, and in worse case scenario you'll need to cough up 280 wishes, in the span of a week or two. That's a lot of dias/money. And now imagine you want to rank them up...💀

And the company does this whilst giving us no additional ways to farm dias. It's a fact that at present we don't have ways to grind dias or mats regardless of whether you spend money or no. Orbits and abyssal chaos are finite. SHC is the one renewable source of dias we have and as we all know SHC is hard as shit. Especially if you main Sylus or Caleb b/c they just do not have enough cards nor Stellactrum. In Sylus' case, his one yellow four star was locked behind a paywall in the form of a Promise card, which is now no longer obtainable. As for red, he only has one. Single. Card. That's it. So basically, you will need to brute force with him not only in SHC but in Orbits which require tons of mats and stamina. Leveling up one card in this game is hella time consuming and hella expensive. Same goes for protocores. Those are also expensive af to level up.

So what I'm saying is that the game is now throwing additional banners at us whilst giving us no way of keeping up which is a HUGE issue. Hell, we can barely keep up as is. This is not conducive for longevity. The moment a competitor comes out, one with equally pretty graphics and appealing LIs, a lot of people are going to migrate to it. Because why stay with a game that does not care about its playerbase? That does not give you ways to grind or keep up? That does not even communicate with us?

And don't come at me with "Is this your first gacha?" It's a moot point. What I've written above still stands: we aren't given enough resources. Not even the bare minimum. That's a fact. And look, neither I nor anyone else is saying that this game should be free, or that F2Players should be able to obtain every single card of every single LI. Of course not. But I truly do believe that obtaining every card of your favorite LI is not unreasonable. Paperfold would not lose out on it. Whales are gonna whale anyway, and those who want to increase affinity will go for R1 or above of their fave LI regardless.

The thing is, Paperfold make tons of money. They're not a small fresh on their feet indie company. They are a multimillion company. They can afford to be more generous to their players. They can afford to give us more resources and additional ways to grind. But they do not. Because they are greedy and they do not care enough about us to even give us the bare minimum in return for all the time, money, and free marketing we give them. It's as simple as that.

(Note that when I speak negatively about Paperfold it is always directed at the execs, management team, CEO etc. The devs and the writers are amazing and deserve nothing but love and praise)

So yeah. I feel very sad and disappointed by this, especially so b/c Reruns were one of my biggest wishes for this game. But the issues and greed are too blatant for me to ignore :/

[raven-dor]

tell me you love me

in which bucky barnes is told some startling news on the phone…

PAIRING: bucky barnes x reader, bucky barnes x avenger!reader

WARNINGS: miscommunication, nosy roommates, sass, sam wilson teasing peter parker, fluff ending

WORD COUNT: 2.6k

🎶 : two hands - tate mcrae

AN: literally one of my favorite fics i've ever written!! also, this is a Avengers live in the tower AU, no civil war ever occurred, so yay!! ALSO - let me know if you want to be on my taglist!! i'd love to have you!!

It had been out of nowhere. You hadn’t even realized the gravity of the situation until you were met with silence from the other line. 

“What’s for dinner?” His gruff voice had shivers running down your spine.

“I don’t know.” You hummed, the phone tucked between your shoulder and ear as you walked down the grocery store aisles. “What are you craving?” 

“Burgers?” It was more of a question, he was waiting for you to confirm you were also craving said meal. He always did this, waiting for you to decide before he made his decision. It was not missed by you that earlier that week, you’d talked about how badly you craved a classic cheeseburger.

You laughed, the others in the aisle giving you annoyed looks, not that you minded. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are, Barnes.” 

“Oh?” You could tell he was holding back laughter. “You would think after all that time in HYRDA...” 

“Bucky!” You yelled, this time noticing the looks your fellow shoppers gave you. Whispering, you chuckled to yourself. “Don’t joke about that.” 

“Why not?” He was most certainly frowning. 

“If that’s how you want to cope…” You trailed off, looking at the price tag on the buns, eyes widening at the amount and quickly setting them back down. “You sleep well?” 

“Next to you? Always.” He sounded spirited, much more spirited than he’d been when you left him to go shopping. Good, you told yourself, he was too often found brooding alone, it was nice to hear him so… so mischievous. “You know I do, Doll.” 

Your cheeks felt like they were on fire, biting your bottom lip to keep from grinning too widely. “I know. Just wanted to hear you say it.” 

Grabbing the meat from the deli counter, you walked toward the checkout, frowning when you saw that the self-checkout kiosks were out of order. “Babe?” 

He hummed. 

“I’m gonna have to let you go, okay? The kiosks are out of order.” 

He groaned. “Again?”

You nodded as if he could see you. “Unfortunately.” 

“I’ll see you soon, then.” 

“See you soon. I love you.” The peace before the realization had been fleeting, reality hitting you like a truck. Almost instantly, your heart flipped, and your eyes widened.

Bucky had been dead silent, and you secretly hoped your voice had cut out, that the service had saved you, and he hadn’t heard it. 

Not that you didn’t mean it. You’d loved him for longer than you cared to admit, but with his past, you hadn’t wanted to rush anything. You didn’t want him to feel forced. Like right now.

“Buck?” You whispered, eyes welling at his lack of response. “Are you there?” Again, no response. You pushed the red button, hands shaking as the call disconnected.

Shit. 

Which led you to now, racing home without the food you’d promised. When the team had decided to all live in the tower together, they made a pact. If you asked anyone else, it had been more of a forced pact, thanks to Steve. 

Each Avenger would make dinner, alternating every night. Today had been your day, and now not only were you coming home empty-handed, but you were also planning to drop off the face of the Earth, which completely defeated the purpose of your job and its responsibilities. 

It was a wonder, you told yourself as you waited for the elevator doors to open, that Bucky hadn’t been there to meet you in the lobby, waiting for an explanation. Or worse, disgust on his perfect face. 

You kept your head down as you landed on the top floor, all but running to your room. Slamming the door behind you, you ordered Friday to bar everyone from entering.

The computer system spoke back, voice as posh as ever. “Does that include Mr. Barnes?” 

“Yes.” You huffed, heart thumping. “Especially Mr. Barnes.” 

“Has something happened?”

“You could say that.” Checking under your bed, the balcony, the closet, and the bathroom, a sigh of relief left you knowing that Bucky wasn’t already there, hiding.

Everything had been perfect, up until your slip. He asked to take it slow, mainly due to ‘not wanting to disrupt the team dynamic.’ You’d understood, and you’d also understood that he had another reason, one that he wouldn’t speak aloud, but that you both knew. 

He wanted to take it slow and slow did not contain saying ‘I love you’ four months after you started dating. 

A knock rang through your room, breaking you from your thoughts. Looking at the door with fear pumping through your veins, you waited for him to speak. 

“Y/N?” 

You’d almost sighed with relief. Almost. “Yeah?” 

“What’d you end up getting for dinner?” Nat called out. “Wilson’s asking.” 

“I-” Grabbing your wallet, you slid your credit card under the door. “Order whatever you want.” 

“Okay.” Nat sounded curious. “So, what happened?” 

“Why- why would you ask that?” 

“Other than the fact you won’t show your face, and Friday is barricading me from entering?” The super-spy sounded fed up. “What did he do?” 

“He?” Your voice was a mere squeak. 

“Yes, he. Everyone knows you two are dating, don’t act so surprised. It’s my job to know these sorts of things.” 

You glared at the door. “That’s not at all your job, Natasha.” 

“What’s going on?” 

You groaned, shoving your face into your pillow. At this point, the whole team would know your business by dinner. “Go away, Wanda.” 

“What’s happened?” The Sokovian whispered.

“Barnes did something,” Nat muttered. “Won’t say what exactly, but-” 

“Nat!” You yelled, lifting your head. “I can hear you, you know.” 

“Let us in, Y/N.” Wanda sounded as if she was frowning. “What did he do that was so bad-” 

“It wasn’t him.” You sighed. “It- it was me.” 

“What happened?” Wanda’s voice was gentle. “You can tell us.” 

“I really can’t.” You whined. “One second.” Grabbing a piece of paper from your desk, you scribbled down the infamous three words, slipping it under the door. “Shit, Y/L/N. Isn’t that a little soon?” 

Your eyes widened. “What the hell, you two? Why is Sam there?” 

Wanda sounded deeply apologetic. “It’s not just Sam.” 

“I’m here too.” Peter squeaked. 

“Me too.” Tony’s voice sounded much too entertained, and you glared at the door.

“Yeah!” Clint sounded suspiciously high like he was in the vents again. You reminded yourself to reprimand him when the dust cleared. 

“Y/N! Why are you hiding in your room?” Thor’s thunderous voice rang clear over the rest of the supposed crowd that had formed. 

“Thor.” Bruce sounded extremely annoyed. “We’re inside, you don’t need to shout.” 

“Yeah, what the green guy said.” Rhodey’s voice echoed. 

“Go away!” You yelled, sitting against the door. “I-” 

“What’s going on here?” Steve’s voice sounded distant, like he was walking down the hall. You squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for him to do what everyone else had done. 

But it never came. 

“Have any of you seen Buck? Last time I saw him, he was on the phone. Haven’t seen him since.” 

You were certain Nat and Tony were smirking. “Why don’t you ask Y/N.” 

“Why? Are they together?” 

Tony sounded like he was holding back tears, not from sadness, but from laughter. “After this? Questionable.” 

“Tony!” You yelled, smacking the door. “Shut up!” 

“Give me that.” Getting off the floor, you looked through the peephole, watching in horror as he read the paper. “Break it up, all of you.” Protests broke out, all of them yelling at Steve. “We’re not talking about this any longer. It’s not our business.” 

“C’mon-” 

Steve glared at the billionaire, and he instantly shut up. “Tony.” 

He raised his hands in defeat. “Fine, fine. What’s for dinner then?” 

“Whatever you want.” You yelled out. “Just use my card.”

Tony shook his head. “After the day you’ve had, it’s my treat.” 

You nodded, a faint smile gracing your lips. “Just leave the food at my door when it gets here.” 

“No.” Steve’s hands were on his hips, and you could see Peter and Wanda holding back laughter. He looked like a concerned father. “You will leave your room and have dinner with the rest of us.” 

“Yeah, Y/N.” Tony echoed, not even trying to hide his laughter. “C’mon out.” 

“Steve, please.” You begged. “I can’t see him right now.” 

“He’s not even here, дорогой (sweetheart),” Wanda yelled out. “Please come out, we’re worried about you.” 

“I am not leaving.” You shook your head. “You can’t make me.” 

The dinner table was quiet, the entirety of the Avengers (minus Bucky) staring at you with utter fascination. Well, more like a mix of pity, worry, and fascination. 

Peter cleared his throat, smiling kindly. “Don’t worry, Y/N. I did the same thing, and it all turned out fine.” 

That brought you some inkling of hope. “Really?” 

The teenager nodded. “She was very nice about it. We’re still friends.” 

Your face fell, dropping your head into your hands. The table erupted with laughter, and Peter’s cheeks grew bright red in record time. 

“Not exactly the smartest thing you could’ve said there, kid.” Tony snickered.

“Ease up, Tony,” Steve interjected. “He’s trying, unlike all of you.” 

“He meant well.” Vision finally spoke, much to everyone’s surprise. “There was no malice in his tone.” 

Clint smirked. “Yeah, Y/N. No malice. Does that bring you comfort?”

You raised your right hand, flipping him off.  

Sam shook his head. “I just want to eat, man. Eat, and see Bucky’s reaction.” 

Sitting up, you glared at the Falcon. “You’re excited for my demise, you psychopath.” 

“Not exactly.” 

“What’s-” The table turned around, dead silent as they stared at the Winter Soldier, who looked perfectly fine, content even. He stood in front of them with a bright smile, food in hand. “What’s going on?” 

“What’s going on?” Tony raised an eyebrow. “Why don’t you tell us?” You wished your superpower was invisibility. Unfortunately, it was not, so you opted for sinking further into your seat. “Nothing happened recently you want to share?” 

His smile fell. “No?”

Sam groaned, standing up and pulling the food from the super soldier’s hands. “Please. I’m starving.” 

Nat laughed. “I thought you wanted to see his reaction.” 

“Reaction?” Bucky sounded confused. “Reaction to what, exactly?” 

Thor was the final push. “I love you!” 

“I love you too?” Bucky sat down, eyes brightening when he met yours. You quickly stared at your hands, which were placed in tight balls in your lap. 

“Not me. Y/N. The words Y/N-” 

Clint slapped a hand over Thor’s mouth, glaring. “That’s enough out of you, big guy.” 

“What?” Bucky tilted his head, staring at you, with what seemed to be a glimpse of hope in his gaze. “When did you-” 

“On the phone?” Nat interjected. “You were on the phone, and Y/N said-” 

“Nat.” You hissed. “Stop, please.” 

“Y/N?” Bucky looked at you. “What’s going on?” 

So the phone had cut out. The phone had cut out, meaning if you had just kept your big mouth shut, everything would have been fine. 

And if Thor hadn’t opened his mouth, maybe you could have made it out with your dignity. “Nothing, James.” Reaching out, you grabbed your order from the pile, the rest of the Avengers following suit. Bucky stayed still, staring at you intently. 

You tried to focus on your dinner, on the conversation that started after, but every time you looked up, he was staring at you with his ice-blue eyes. “Doll?” The table quieted, staring at the pair. “Can we talk?” 

You swallowed the food that you’d been chewing, nodding slowly. You felt like you were being marched to your death as you followed him out of the dining room. Sparing one last look at the dinner table, Wanda and Peter gave you a half-hearted thumbs up. 

The hall was dim, Bucky’s eyes bore into your soul as he waited for an explanation. “Tell me what happened.” 

“Nothing-” You grew small when he sighed, crossing his arms. “It’s really not that big of a deal.” 

“Yeah?” He smirked, but you could tell he was panicking. You told each other everything, you were sure he was breaking a sweat from your lack of transparency. “Then tell me.” You stayed silent, and he took a step forward, practically backing you up against the wall. “Please, Doll.” 

You were sure this was a nightmare. A horrible horrible nightmare. “We were on the phone… and I um… I may or may not have said that I love you.” He did not react, continuing to stare at you. That’d made you even more nervous, and you began to ramble as a result. “And you didn’t reply, so I panicked, and then I hung up. I came home and hid in my room and then everyone found out and then I found out you didn’t even hear it, and-” You took a shallow breath. “I don’t want you to feel rushed or forced because I want you to feel comfortable, because I really do-” You stopped, looking up at him hesitantly. “I really do love you.” He was fully grinning now, and you frowned. “Are you about to laugh at me?” 

He shook his head placing his hand on the wall above you as he leaned down. “No.” 

“No?” You scoffed, ignoring the way his eyes had darkened. “You’re smirking, and I’m being vulnerable and you’re- you-” You huffed, walking away from him. “Maybe we should just-” Escape had almost been achieved when his metal hand wrapped around your wrist, spinning you around. “Stop.” You felt trapped in a spell, a horrifyingly beautiful spell. He stared at you so intensely that your knees buckled. “Buck-” 

He was still grinning. “I love you too.” 

“I-” You smiled. “You do?” 

“C’mon Doll.” He teased, brushing his nose against yours as he reached for your lips. “Of course I do.”

“Yeah?” You whispered, still not believing this was real life. “You-” His lips were rushed; like he needed to kiss you to live. Placing his other arm around your waist, he pulled you impossibly close, your arms instinctively wrapping around his neck. He could have gone on kissing you senseless for hours, but you pulled away, gasping for air. “Buck-” 

“You are so considerate, too considerate even.” He whispered. “I did want to take things slow, you’re right.” 

You nodded. “If you-” 

“Did I-” He kissed you before you could finish your sentence. “Or did I not,” He kissed you so gently, so longingly. “Just tell you that I love you too?” 

You were positively weak in the knees. “You did.” 

“I did want to take things slow, but you…” He almost growled. “You happened.” 

“Oh?” You were grinning now, actually grinning. “I’m assuming I happened in a good way.” 

“In a perfect way.” He corrected, pushing a hair out of your face and tucking it behind your ear. “You’re too good for me, Doll. Don’t deserve you.” 

“I don’t know, Barnes.” You shook your head, kissing the corner of his mouth so lightly he could have sworn it never happened. “You’re pretty swell.” 

He rolled his eyes, pushing you away teasingly. “Never mind then.” 

You gasped, stalking back into the dining room, the Avengers observing from the safe distance the table provided. “In that case-” 

His hand wrapped around your wrist once more, pulling your lips to his instantly. Wolf whistles erupted, all of them laughing at the couple in front of them. Your hands rested on his chest, smiling as he pulled away, lips still touching. “Did you really have to do that?” 

He shrugged. “Just wanted another reason to kiss you.” 

“So sappy.” You teased. “What a charmer you are.” 

“Well,” He leaned toward your ear, whispering. “I aim to please.” 

“Break it up!” Sam yelled, mouth full of food. “I’m trying to eat here. Plus…” He pointed to Peter, laughing. “There’s kids present.” 

“I’m eighteen, Sam.” 

“Still a kid, Parker.” 

taglist:

[anadrym]

Extended Author's Notes for Left Behind Ch9.

Spoilers!

Chapter title is from "Never Be The Same" by Red. One of my favorite love songs, and something I listened to a lot during my depressed high school years.

We are now in the second document I have for this fic (the first one got really slow after Ch8). Also, this is now the longest fic I've ever written. :)

Gotta say: I have so many emotions about this chapter that I hardly know where to even start.

Vi is taking such a leap of faith here. Her mind is absolutely scrambled. She's almost certain that she recognizes Caitlyn, but she can't remember more than that. She's risking everything in the hope that she's right about their connection, and she's trusting that Caitlyn won't betray her to the Baroness.

And Caitlyn... God, just imagine gathering up the courage to finally lay your loved one to rest and then they tell you that they're still alive. No wonder she completely breaks down. She's not even sure she believes it at first, which is why she stops short of touching Vi's face - she's terrified that it's not real.

And then Vi closes the gap. Even though no one has touched her with kindness for five years, Vi crosses those last few centimeters. I'm ill.

And as soon as Caitlyn realizes that she's not imagining this, that Vi is really in front of her and really Vi, she's all in. Both hands supporting her partner, catching her as she collapses, holding her as they both break. FUCK, I love this chapter.

One of the things that really got me hooked on these two was the way they touch each other, so I really try to focus on that in my fics. It works especially well here because they can't use words (at least, not from Vi's POV), so everything has to be communicated through touch. Also, I absolutely love how deadly these two can be, but they're still so soft around each other.

What was Caitlyn whispering over and over again? I actually never decided. I was leaning towards "You're alive/here" or just Vi's name, but one of you put forth "I'm sorry" and I like that too. Feel free to let me know what you thought, but it should be something incredibly heart-wrenching.

So. In terms of what words Vi can understand. I've been trying to think of it like when you're learning another language. When someone speaks at a regular pace, you might be able to pick out a few more distinct words, but have trouble with interpreting the whole sentence. However, if certain terms had been used around you for five years and you were punished for not obeying them, you'd learn very quickly to recognize them. That's why "get up" sends Vi into a panic.

Oh, Caitlyn. Always the detective. Realizing that Vi can't understand her words and switching to gestures. Realizing that the bruises on her arms and neck are from the injections. Trying to get as much information as she can about what's being done to her partner.

Vi is cold, but the injection sites are warm from swelling and irritation. Caitlyn reaches up to check if Vi has a fever, but stops short when she remembers to ask for permission to touch her. She's trying to give her partner as much autonomy as she can.

Vi realizes that Cait is trying to get information about the injection sites and guides her hands to the ones on her legs, which Cait didn't know about.

Also! Vi, even in this state, comforting Cait on instinct by rubbing her thumb over Caitlyn's knuckles. They're going to be the death of me, I swear.

Cait is about to tell Vi to "lie down" but stops herself when she realizes that saying "down" would probably be a very bad idea.

The ring triggers Vi to remember just as Cait kisses her forehead, that's how she recalls her name. It's still going to be a bit before Vi gets her own name back (though I personally think it'll be worth the wait).

Yeah, Caitlyn absolutely whispers, "I love you" as Vi drifts off. :')

Is Cait going to unreasonably blame herself for taking actions that made sense at the time with what information she had? Yes. Yes, she is.

The part about Cait realizing that she almost killed Vi and that Vi would've been aware during it was greatly influenced by your comments on Ch8. I hadn't really focused on it much before y'all pointed it out.

And again, always the detective. Putting the pieces together even when she doesn't want to, even when it makes her feel even more guilt. :(

Vi's malnourishment is important. It's the clue Caitlyn needs in the next chapter.

There's just something about two broken people who have been turned into weapons (whether by their own choice or not) finally becoming people again because they found each other.

When Vi wakes up and Caitlyn smiles (first time in how long?), Vi looks down at her parted lips and sees the gap between Caitlyn's front teeth, the same one she remembered right before the last Maintenance session.

Caitlyn trying not to overwhelm/overstimulate Vi by touching her, and then Vi immediately throwing herself into the touch? Vi is so physically affectionate, and she's been desperately craving this for years.

We will deal with Cait's guilt, but not for a bit. Right now the focus has to be on getting the fuck out of there.

God, it is so exciting when you guys speculate on future chapters and are right. It means I'm setting up the story well (take that, anti-spoiler culture)

Teaser for next week:

"I want her again tonight."

The Baroness leans back in her chair, a sly smile slowly curling her lips. "I'm inclined to grant you that. But first, you have to earn it."

[retrosofa]

It's been 10 years and I still don't understand why Kill la Kill gets a pass for having fan service while Cutie Honey constantly gets condemned for it. Likewise, I don't understand how Re: Cutie Honey (arguably one of the raunchier adaptations) also gets a pass while the other series (namely the original) are quickly dismissed.

Recently I heard someone praise Re: Cutie Honey and Kill la Kill but was apprehensive about watching the original Cutie Honey simply because Honey is depicted as 16 years old. This confuses me for a number of reasons:

I never finished Kill la Kill because I hated it so I might've missed something but isn't Ryuuko also a teenager?

Honey is an android so her age is absolutely dubious. Although Honey is depicted as an "adult" in Re: Cutie Honey, she's mentally a child - especially in the live action tie-in where she outright says she's only one year old. So, isn't that kind of worse? Honey is very much an adult woman in New Cutey Honey (166 years old, apparently!) yet I don't see the Kill la Kill/Re: crowd praising that version. Also there are plenty of people who are fine with Cutey Honey Flash even though Honey is actually 16 years old in that version, which arguably has more fanservice than the original.

I'm sure a lot of folks don't realize this because they probably haven't actually bothered to watch it but the original Cutie Honey is extremely tame, especially by today's standards? The more problematic aspects are all over the manga (which I'll give you guys that, I have a hard time defending it) and the nudity is pretty much exclusive to her transformation scenes. It also worth mentioning the Hayami family is never celebrated for any of their problematic behavior. Take for instance a scene where Seiji tries to kiss Honey while she's asleep. He is immediately slapped before anything can happen, the entire scene shows that he is in the wrong. Quite the opposite happens in another magical girl show - Sailor Moon (which as you guys know, I love and adore) - where this sort of thing is heavily romanticized. Also Danbei also makes a lot of sexist comments at the beginning of the series, namely downplaying Honey capabilities simply because she's a woman. This stops shortly after he finds out about her battles with Panther Claw and realizes she's not this feeble little girl he's framed her as. Character development, what a concept!

For the record, I do like Re: Cutie Honey (I wouldn't have worked on the official English release if I didn't!) but it bothers me that it's the only version that most fans praise and make excuses for. Meanwhile the original anime gets dismissed quickly simply because it's 50 years old or something. I don't know. It's annoying. Like literally nearly every Cutie Honey property (and trust I've seen and read basically all of them) is problematic to some extent. Most older media is in one way or another.

I know it's not for everyone but it's sad to see the original Cutie Honey as well as New Cutey Honey and even at times Cutey Honey Flash get pushed aside like this. Re: Cutie Honey is an incredible series for sure but that's not all there is. Honey is such an incredible character and I'm not always fond with the way she was written in Re: Cutie Honey. I say all of this has someone who does not love Honey for the fanservice. I'm just a gay man who likes awesome heroines and that's what Honey is to me.

*drops mic*

[greenerteacups]

I cannot tell you just how obsessed I am with Lionheart - I have literally ranted about it with everyone who has even a remote interest in Harry Potter. It is the best thing I have read, it has made me fall in love with the series all over again, I feel like I'm reading and experiencing it all for the first time! I'm even trying to dabble in bookbinding just to actually have a hardcopy of your fics (hard emphasis on trying)

I love sweet cranky Draco and how you have so beautifully written him into the golden trio - I love how he balances Hermione out and matches her brilliance, I have always hated how she was always the odd one out whenever Ron decided to stop talking to her. I keep telling everyone I truly think you have a better understanding of the characters than JKR did - how you've written Harry as this very perceptive and gentle peacemaker who is craving so deeply for family (that scene end of book 4 where Arthur comes crashing in to save him? ugh, ab.so.lute.ly. heartwrenching!!) , how you've made Ron a wonderful character and brilliant in his own way (it's so easy for fanfic writers to bash him and make him this big dumb boy who doesn't get hermione- I love that even Draco recognizes that he has his strengths). I love how you've paralleled Snape as Draco's godfather to Sirius and Harry. I love the subtle ways you have changed the story to keep us on our toes. I love how slow and realistically they have grown page by page and I am so very excited to see where you take them next. Ugh I can go on and on. Everything is so well written and I love how you've expanded my vocabulary. You are such an exceptional writer!!

I do find it interesting (and I haven't been able to find any previous posts on this) that Book 2 is the chambers of secrets book and there is zero appearance of the basilisk, which seems a pretty glaring omission. Obviously this is what Theo is trying to find where we are in Book 5, but I was wondering why the delay and doesn't this mess with lining up events with the main series? I guess we wont' know until the grand reveal. But then that made me wonder if it's just "Book 1" and "Book 2" - are there no subtitles "Draco Malfoy and the Chamber of Secrets", etc?

Anyways, I'm all caught up now and just wanted to say - I'm so in love with your work and can't wait to see where you take us next!

Hi, thank you so much for this message! You are so kind to write it!

I would point out that Book 2 isn't really the "chamber of secrets" book — as you point out: he got no gotdamn Chamber in there. The plot of Chamber of Secrets doesn't really work without Lucius, so it's one of the places where the fic diverges the most. Books 6 and 7 will also diverge a lot more from the source material, just so you know! I view Lionheart as a reimagining of the Harry Potter story, not a beat-for-beat retelling. Obviously, some things will remain the same (contrary to what they may believe, neither Lucius nor Draco are so important that the plot totally collapses without them) but for the most part, I'd say I'm trying to re-tell the story in my own way, which means parking the basilisk for a few years while I sort out other things in the story. I promise I'll try to make all payoffs worthwhile, though. :)

[priceofreedom]

why are Aerith, Tifa and Zack ALWAYS the target in this freaking fandom

[softestepilogue]

y’all keep saying how y’all hope ed becomes redeemable and like who tf cares he did anything wrong lmao. pushing Lucius overboard? hilarious. stranding the crew? hysterical. chopping off iffy’s toes? comedic af. y’all always so worried about a character being redeemable or morally right and it’s exhausting. that’s why modern books are what they are now. boring and lame af. ed is morally gray. he’s always been morally gray. he don’t like killin but he likes maimin and he has anger issues. and he’s hilarious when he does all of it.

[sskk-manifesto]

Ep 4 :)

[briefeee]

You know you talk too much/write about a ship when your non fandom friend but fellow writer has to text you, "I can't believe this, but I got a SoundStar idea because of you and now I need to figure it out for you."

Aka she said: can't believe i got so brainrotted that i have a soundstar idea. can they get out of my head pls i didnt ask for the robot life

[calugaritsa]

stop putting that stupid ass vladimir nabokov rereading lecture on my dash 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"one cannot read a book, one can only reread it" SKILL ISSUE!!!!!! I READ THEM ALL THE TIME!!!!