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foolstower · 2 years ago

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Accidental confessions

Akihiko Sanada x reader

A/n:I haven't wrote anything in 5 years but got inspired by all the fics I keep seeing. I noticed a lack of fics for persona 3 so I thought I'd try to contribute. Thank you whoever reads this I hope you enjoy!

At first it was just a tinge in you're heart. A small poke you felt everytime you were around him. But before you knew it, months passed and now you can't even look him in the eyes properly.

Akihiko Sanada. Why did it have to be him?

You sit in the silence of your room listening to the white noise of the fan. You're desk was littered with a couple a sheets of homework that you couldn't concentrate on, and a half empty cup of coffee. This time you couldn't help but wonder what it'd be like if you didn't have your persona. You wouldn't be in this dorm. You wouldn't know about the dark hour. And you wouldn't have to see him everyday. Maybe if you only saw him at school this crush of yours would wear off on its own but at this rate? This feeling is going to consume you.

At what point does holding in your feelings start becoming unhealthy? Everytime he tries and talk to you it's like a rose bush full of thorns squeezes tighter and tighter around your heart until you can't breathe. This is no good. You can't have a crush when your trying to save humanity. Isn't that inappropriate?

You let out a deep sigh before standing up from your spot. Maybe going to the kitchen for some water will help you calm down. You grab your now ice cold coffee and head to the kitchen. Your shoes softly tap on the stairs as you make your way down. Upon reaching the lounge area you see Koromaru still wide awake on the couch with Ken watching tv. They're so encapsulated in the show that they don't notice you walk into the kitchen to dump your coffee and get a fresh glass of water.

Upon heading over to the couch Koromaru looks your way and starts wagging his tail, alerting Ken to you presence as well.

"Oh hey y/n! What're you doing up so late?" He asked as you sat down next to Koromaru. You let out a soft laugh.

"It's only 11 it's not too late yet." You said taking a drink of your water. The liquid instantly made you feel more awake. "But we do have school tomorrow, shouldn't you be heading to bed soon?" You ask. He opens his mouth to say something but hesitates before shaking his head and saying what he wanted to.

"I... haven't really been sleeping lately." He says finally. You give him a questioning look and he continues. "I've just been thinking about my mom again nothing new." He lets out a sad laugh. You pat his shoulder. It's a discussion you've already had with him before.

"We're all here for you Ken. Whenever you need to talk about anything we'll be here for you. Take as much time as you need." You said softly and let go of his shoulder. He give you a small smile.

"Thank you, y/n. You're always saying nice things to me." He looks away a bit embarrassed. "If you're ever going through anything... You can tell me too! I want you to talk to me too!" He said with a bit of determination in his eyes before yawning. You couldn't help but smile.

"I'll keep that in mind. But if you're too tired you won't be able to listen to my boring ramblings without falling asleep!" You laughed. "But seriously Ken, thank you. I do have some things that I could get off my chest but we'll save that for after you get some sleep." You said. He goes to protest before another yawn slips out of his mouth and he gives up.

"Alright y/n, I'll see you tomorrow goodnight!" He says as he gets off the couch you wave him off as he makes his way up the stairs. You let out another deep sigh and look a Koromaru who stares up at you with a kind look in his eyes. The sounds of super heroes and villains can still faintly be heard on the TV screen.

"What? Would you like to hear what I have to say koro?" You say jokingly but he gives you a bark in confirmation. You freeze. "Really? It's really nothing interesting it's more bothersome really." He barks again. You debate in your head if it's a good idea to discuss this with a dog but what the heck? He won't judge you and it's not like he can rat you out either. You shrug, might as well. Maybe it'll help alleviate some of constant pressure you feel on your chest.

"Well....I like someone...a little too much." The sentence barely made it past you lips. Koromaru tilts his head a bit in a bid to urge you to keep talking. Red starts to dust your cheeks. Why is this so embarrassing to talk about? Why is your heart racing already? "He's so...I don't even know how to explain it. Nice? Strong? Caring? He's all those things... There's even sometimes that he flusters himself and I think its the cutest thing ever." You giggle to yourself. "The other day I was on my way back to class and he invited me out to a cafe because I told him I liked sweets a few weeks ago. I mean that's the nicest thing I think anyone has done for me sadly." You explained. "That's not all though...even in battle he's always looking out for me. I think he's starting to develop a habit of it actually." You paused. "Koro? Is it bad that I feel this way right now? I mean I'm not expecting you to have a full grasp on human emotions. But even you can see this isn't the time right? Like we're going to Tartarus almost twice a week. Every full moon we're one step closer to uncovering the Truth. Then school mixed in with all of that? Tell me I shouldn't be feeling like this right now." Frustrated tear starts to prick at your eyes before you catch yourself and rub them away. Koromaru whines before laying on your lap. You smile and pet his back. You lean against the couch and relax still petting Koro. "Thank you I feel a little bit better now. But I should go back upstairs I still have homework to finish." You lamented as Koro got up and moved back to his spot on the couch. You turned off the TV and grabbed a nearby blanket, covered him up and gave him one last pat before heading back up to your room. The taps of your feet on the steps was the only thing you heard until you reached the top.

"Hey y/n." A familiar voice sounded as you got to the top of the stairs. A silver haired man was sitting on the couch on the second floor with two boxing gloves in his lap and a towel that you could only assume was for cleaning them. You froze in your tracks. Your heart started racing a million miles per second, your mind blanked out and your face couldn't help but flush a deep scarlet from ear to ear.

"...what all did you hear?" A dumb question but maybe if you were lucky this would be one of those times where they actually didn't hear anything important.

".....I heard enough." He muttered looking at the gloves in his lap. He definitely heard something important. Your soul was ready to leave your body. What do you say to that? Sorry? Yeah that's right? Runaway? All these options began to swirl around in your brain clouding any train of thought you tried to form. "You should come sit down, we need to talk." He said as he started putting his equipment on the table in front of him. You slowly walked over this situation is just getting worse by the minute. We need to talk? That never sounded good. You finally sat down on the couch and placed your water on the table so you could put your hands in your lap. You desperately tried to muster up the courage for what you were about to say.

"Listen akihiko I'm sorry. I don't even know what to say right n-"

"Who were you talking about?" He cut you off.

"What?" You couldn't hide the shock in your voice. Who was I talking about? Who else took me out to a cafe a couple days ago? "I'm sorry, what do you mean?" The look of confusion on his face mirrored yours when you said that. He has to be joking right?

"There's someone you like right? Who is it?" He said softly. Oh you get it. You're about to get scolded for having feelings and how it's going to get in the way of the fight. Stuff you already knew and were trying to work out already. But why did he want you to admit your feelings to his face? Isn't that a bit cruel? You sighed trying to exhale some of the anxiety that was eating you alive.

"I know what you're going to say. It's stupid to let these feelings get in the way of our task right now. I know. I promise I'm working on it." You stared at your lap you felt like tears could slip out at any second now. "I didn't want you to hear my confession that way, but that really is how I feel about you." You voice cracked. "You're just so you I can't take it anymore. Whenever you're around I feel like my heart's going to burst or I'm going to throw up butterflies." You looked up at him ashamed and embarrassed that you're in this situation. But when you see his face his expression isn't what you expected.

His eyes were wide in shock and his cheeks were dusted a light pink. His mouth opened like he wanted to say something but quickly shut it and looked away from you. Why was he so flustered? He's the one that wanted to hear you say it. The room is quiet for a few seconds before he finally says something.

"M-me?" He stuttered. At this point you were fed up. Did he not hear you talking about him?

"Yes you! Why are you doing this to me?" You plead the embarrassment was almost too much to bear now. Where was this conversation going? Why is he acting like he didn't hear you? You bury your face in your hands in a last ditch effort to hide.

Akihiko was stunned. He had no idea you felt the same way he did, you hid it so well. He had overheard your conversation with Ken and Koromaru but walked away right after you admitted you liked someone. He couldn't bear to hear you fond over someone else and decided to wait on the second floor for you. While waiting he thought maybe it'd be best if you just tell him who your liked without all the extra bits. That way he could finally move on and stop feeling this way. But as it turns out thing aren't going that way. He finally turns to face your direction and gently pulls your hands away from your face and holds onto one. He stared at your interlocked hands before speaking.

"I like you too.... At this point... I think I can say Im falling in love with you." He says gripping your hand a little tighter. You almost choke on the sudden turn in circumstances. What is happening right now? "When we first met and were hanging out I thought I just wanted to know you since we were fighting together.... Then later on I thought I was seeing my sister in you. I was always have this urge to protect you and give you what you want. But just a little while ago I realized that's not it at all." He finally looks you in the eyes. "When I heard you just now, about to confess your feelings about someone I couldn't bring myself to hear it. I didn't want to hear you talk about someone like that and that's when I realized... I like you more than just as my friend." The pink hue on his cheeks got darker but he refused to look away from you now. It's now or never.

"I don't want you to work on it, I want you to be mine." He said sternly. He gaze was unwavering and made you want to melt on the spot. Did he really reciprocate your feelings? All this was a little too much. You were ready for rejection! no where in your mind did you think he felt the same.

"....won't I just be a burden? Won't I just cause problems for you?" You ask genuinely. These internalized fears make their way out into the open. "Akihiko... I don't want to be the reason you get hurt." You finished. He just gives you a kind smile.

"You've never been a burden to me y/n. You won't ever be a burden. If I get hurt it's my own fault it's nothing to do with you." He claims. "It's not wrong to want to protect the people you're close to right? Even if I didn't have these feelings I still wouldn't hesitate to put my life out there on the line as your friend." He says truthfully. The atmosphere is a bit lighter now the only thing left is your answer. Is this really ok? You don't think you care anymore.

"Then... If its ok. I want to be by your side. I want to protect you like you do me. I've never felt this way for anyone before... I honestly don't know what I'm doing but if you'll have patience I'd be delighted to be yours." You softly said to him. He smiled widely and suddenly embraced you. You head rested on his right shoulder you could hear his heart racing. You shyly wrapped your arms around his waist and relaxed into him.

"I'm glad I can finally hold you like this I've been wanting to for a while now." He confessed. He let out a content sigh before you both pulled away. He brushed some of the hair out of your face before standing up and offering his hand. "It's getting pretty late, can I walk you to your room?" He asks. You look up at him and take his hand. This is like a dream come true. Was this a dream? It sure does feel like it.

"I would love that." You say as he pulls you up from the couch. You both make your way up the stairs and down the hall to your room hands glued together. There's a pep in your step now and a permanent smile plastered to your face. Upon reaching the door to your room you turn to face him. He looks like a whole different person. He has a soft smile on his face, his eyes are looking at you with so much affection. Like you just lifted a massive weight from his shoulders.

"Goodnight aki I'll see you in the morning." You said before giving him a kiss on the cheek. You snapped him out of his thoughts and he lets go of your hand.

"O-okay I'll see you in the morning!" He said he was blushing harder then he has so far. "Can you call me aki more often? I... I like how it sounds coming from you" he stuttered out.

How can someone be so wholesome? How could someone like this possibly like you? All these thoughts plague your mind but deep down you know this is real. You love him and you're gonna do whatever it takes to make him happy. That's the vow you decided to make.

"Yeah that's all I'll call you from now on." You laughed.

"Come on don't tease me!" He laughed as well. Both infatuated in with how it feels to be unapologetically together. You finally turned around and twisted the door knob. You walked inside you room and turned to look at him through the doorway.

"I'll see you tomorrow Aki..... I love you." You almost hesitated to say it.

"I love you too y/n.... I'll see you when you come down to the lounge tomorrow. If you don't sleep in again we can walk to school together." He teased with a laugh. You protested with a hey! But laughed with him, it was infectious. With one last goodnight you waved him off and shut the door.

A relieved sigh escapes your lips this time. A content sound. You look at the homework still scattered across your desk and think about doing it, but choose to lay down instead. You remember you left your water on the second floor but decided you'll get it and clean it tomorrow. The fan in your room isn't so loud anymore and you can finally feel the breeze it's providing.

You can't believe it. Your stomach starts to twist up in knots from the aftermath of it all. All the things that could've just happened and it turns out he felt the same way. You'll have to thank Koromaru tomorrow for letting you talk to him. You stared at the ceiling a little while longer replaying what just happened in your head over and over again before getting ready for bed.

You're ready face whatever tomorrow brings. And anything after that.

#persona 3 femc #persona 3 portable #persona 3 #akihiko sanada #akihiko x reader #x reader

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bluntforcefem · 2 years ago

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the thing is, right. that i wrote 75 fics for blaseball. more, if you count tumblr prompts - more if you count wiki pages. over the course of late 2020 to the very beginning of 2023, i wrote more for blaseball than i have for anything else, except maybe my friends' oc rp. maybe i'll never write that much for fandom again. my writing developed so much over that period of time - blaseball gave me a lot of inspiration and a lot of practice!! i met incredible writers through it who inspire me so much To This Day. i met incredible people with incredible ideas. i still lurk around in the crabitat, because the community there is lovely and i love looking for secondhand recommendations in the media channels. i could list a lot of regulars i've just... seen around, for about 2, 3 years. blaseball offered me both the opportunity to grow as a writer and the opportunity to find communities that, even if some of them fell apart, taught me a lot of things anyways. i'm still in contact with a lot of people i met through blaseball, and that's fucking lovely!!

i can't say i'm sad it's over. i guess i'm a little sad. but blaseball's been dying for a while, now, and it's the kinda thing you sorta see on the horizon. i'm one of the people who distanced themself from it before it came, and i'm a little grateful to my past self for that - i've got so much going on that i don't have quite enough room for a "i just moved across the country and also tot clark died in my funny game so i'm going to lose it for 5 hours" kind of night. i still have everything that matters. the experience, the community, the funny little guys. but blaseball did a lot for me, so i wanted to say goodbye. here's goodbye.

there is a radio.

sometimes it's in the crabitat. sometimes it's in other stadiums, darkened locker rooms slowly collecting dust; maybe there's the occasional visitor, casting light across worn benches, footsteps leaving imprints on the tile. but there's less and less visitors.

most of the time, it's at home.

you can tune it, if you're careful. it likes to play what it wants, though, and so not-players-mostly-people just let it go, when they find it - whatever jaunty commentator/clawmentator voice it wants to remind them of, games stretching from the very first season to the very last, it gets to do that. it keeps playing, however distorted by static it gets.

time goes on.

there are less people to visit, as time goes on. some people grow old and die. some people don't die, but they do move on, and the radio knows it'd be an unwelcome reminder. but there's always a handful to visit, to comfort, to celebrate with. immortals at a graveyard that used to be a field with strings of pearls in their pockets. the handful of players that kept playing, in the after, maybe other splorts or other games - but they kept playing, and they had fun, eventually. parties of people that used to be on different teams and now just share jerseys like old sweaters, trading stories of how their hometowns have changed since it ended.

sometimes the radio sticks around with someone for a while. sometimes it changes hands every day, every hour, switching its tune to match. sometimes nobody sees it for a very long time, and sometimes people forget it exists entirely. but it always comes back for a visit. a little memory, a little burst of joy-in-static. hello- hello- blaseball fans!

there is a radio. it's lasted for a long time, and it'll last for a while longer, even in the absence of blaseball itself. it lasted through ascension, after all. it lasted through siesta after siesta after siesta.

there is a radio, and there is a world moving on from blaseball.

there is a radio, and there is the lilt of old words, phrases quickly becoming antiquated, kept alive through pick-ups and muscle memory.

there is a radio, and there are people who used to be players.

there is a radio, and there are people who used to be fans, who still are fans, who still will be fans.

there is a radio, and it still loves.

there is a radio, and it still is loved.

(that's all for today's game, folks!)

there is a radio.

#kbitycus talks #blaseball #goodnight sweet blaseball. it was a good run #i made myself sadder abt blb ending writing this by the by which. unintended effect. peace and love #a special shoutout to the crabitat and all the people i met through it. claws up!!

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feiandart · 9 months ago

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Hi Fei, not sure if this message becomes public or not but I couldn't find any other way to contact you. Just wanted to apologise for my comment on chapter 35. I realise in retrospect it might have seemed rude, I was trying to be funny. So, I'm very sorry, and I don't want you to think I didn't enjoy the chapter. I have deleted the comment. If I may take this chance as well, you have been an inspiration to me, I love your writing. I am too an aspiring writer that took a sabbatical for many years, though my self doubt is my biggest saboteur right now. I would love to know how you honed your craft, your words are so beautifully written. I look forward to the next chapter ♥

First of all, hello and thank you for reaching out to me! ♥

I'm afraid my memory doesn't work properly (it never does, sadly), but I'm pretty sure no comment made me think "oh, that was rude", so don't worry at all ♥ Gonna admit now I'm curious 'bout what that was owo But I will not ask for you to share that again if it makes you feel uncomfortable!

Your words means a lot to me! ♥ I had inspiration issues for half of my life. I was around fifteen when I wrote my last paragraph, and after that I didn't for other fifteen years. Honest to God, Good Omens and its community saved me in more than a way when I was at my lowest - helped me both with coming back at writing, and starting drawing for myself. I startend enjoying things again. And I needed that. So, since finding inspiration again was so meaningful to me, being able to inspire others is like I achieved something so big I can't really find words to express it properly. It makes me feel kinda... Oh, dunno. I guess we can go with: blessed. Finding inspiration was (and is) an healing process to me. And I hope it'll be the same to others. So if it came to me, I can only be SO glad to know!! So thank you so much for sharing this!! ♥

Let me tell you this: I am my biggest saboteur myself. So I do understand what you say, and I can guess what you feel right now. My suggestion is something practical. Go in front of the mirror, tell yourself what you want to do and look straight into your eyes. Then, say: "I will do it. And you will NOT stop me." Then say the same to all the people who might go against you. Nobody, not even yourself, should have the power to stop you from doing the things you love. It may be hard at the very start, troublesome meanwhile, but I can assure you nothing's better than being able to live your dreams. All I can do for you now is assuring you I am on your side! And I am sure you can do whatever makes you feel happy.

Last, but not least (dear Lord I wrote so much and I'm not done yet.......), your last question. Funny thing to answer that one, actually. 'cause I never practiced. I never studied a way to arrange phrases and words, actually right now I'm always a bit overwhelmed anytime I sit myself in front of the screen and open my file to start writing. I'll tell you, I'm the messiest people in the entire universe. I had all the plot already written back in november, but yet my characters slip off my hands and do whatever they want. Does it makes any sense to you? I have to costantly re-arrange my plot to make sure everything have some kind of logic. The rest come from my own mind. Sugar, specifically, means a lot to me under a lot of different aspects. Both characters holds part of myself, my own traumas, my own experiences, my own mazes and struggles. I think maybe sometimes things went when I didn't want them to go 'cause my mind played dirty on me and I was unable to stop it. But I don't complain. So I'm afraid I don't have a real answer but this one: I just put myself into every single word I write. I play all the scenes in my mind just like watching movies. I feel what my characters does and, I will not deny this, oftern I cry while doing that too. I'm a bit too much emphatic, perhaps?

Gonna admit, writing Sugar is exactly like going to therapy to me. Goes just along with that, it helps me process myself, my own emotions, helps me validate anything bad I've ever felt.

Well uh, I got pretty carried away with this answer but I hope you can find something helpful around all of these messy words of mine ♥ (And sorry for my poor english if I made some mistake here and there, I fully believe in honest-to-God messages when it comes to answer people, both in comments, chat or anywhere else, so I never actually go back trying to correct my messages. Dunno, it feels like leaving you all full access to my stream of consciousness everytime I give answers like these. Not sure this makes sense. To me it does.)

Don't ever ever be afraid to tell me what you think or reach out! I'll always be here, happy to give you an answer. Thank you so much! ♥

#fei loves to reply #so feel free to ask anytime you want #sugar #writing #fic writing

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sexynetra · 11 months ago

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Hi! LATAM queer here that doesn't have English as a first language writing this just so you understand the importance of your work:

I haven't been active in tumblr for like almost half a year now, but I literally just logged in today to see if you had post any RAWNSYF update/new dialogue that I might have missed. I had no ideia what was going on on twitter when I logged in today. And I'm so sorry that you got exposed like that. If it is any consolation, RAWNSYF is one of my favorite fics ever written. Def my fav anarcia fic. To me, fanfic in queer spaces is a way I can read about the queer experience and relate to my own life. That is what I love about RAWNSYF, I have a past love experience that is really similar to what Anetra is going through in your fic. By reading it, I can help my 18 year old self heal. I'm not sending you this to necessarily encourage you to post a new chapter. After all that happened yesterday, I'll totally understand if you never update. I'm telling you all this so you know that your work matter. Your fic might be one of the few media work that I've ever felt so represented. Fanfic is important to queer people like us because of this: we don't have much representation in the wide media. So we turn to our own community to see ourselves being represented in this kind of spaces. Because of this, I ask you with all the kindness that I have inside of me: if you don't want to post an update, I'll totally get it! But please, PLEASE, don't ever feel guilty for what you've already wrote and posted. It means more to people that never saw themselves in media that anyone who's not queer could ever understand.

Hi there <33

This has just been sitting in my inbox because every time I went to respond I started crying again 😅

This is the sweetest message I have ever received and I cannot even possibly express just how much it meant to me to read this.

I started rawnsyf out of a desire to see the stories I wanted to read about being shared. (Well, technically I started rawnsyf as a 2am writing practice that was never supposed to be expanded upon but here we are) I honestly never thought anyone else would actually read it 😂 it was just a little story that had all my favorite story tropes in it. That was it.

But then rawnsyf grew. It grew in the scope of what I was writing about, and it grew in its reach. Suddenly, people were reading it, and it was connecting with them on a level I never anticipated.

Rawnsyf started as a fanfic about two queens I enjoyed, but I hand on my heart believe that it has grown to be so much more than that. This story, that was originally just a fun little writing exercise and a cute little love story, has become something that people really feel a connection to, and feel represented by.

I honestly never expected that, it’s beyond my wildest dreams. I think anyone who creates content hopes that it will resonate with people, but I never expected the scope it would have (which sounds braggadocious but I never expected the story to really become important to anybody besides me, and over and over again the amazing community on here has proven me wrong).

It started as a story about two queens I love, but it has grown beyond that. The characters in the story have lives of their own. They exist beyond the drag queens that inspired them. And this message, maybe more than any other, reminds me just how powerful those characters can be.

I am so infinitely grateful that you took the time to send this message, and even more infinitely honored and touched that you have allowed me to express myself through my writing and taken it onto yourself. Nothing will ever mean more to me than people being able to feel seen and find healing through something I’ve created.

Rawnsyf is not over, and it’s all because of the love people like you have shared with me for this story.

I hope I can do you justice with this story and my heart is so full <3333

I am crying again so I will end this here but my heart just feels so full. Thank you for sending this to me and being so honest and vulnerable. It means more to me than you could ever know

#I have so much more to say but #this is what I can get out right now #I know this response isn’t worthy of the original message but I hope that it is a good enough portrayal of my response #anyways this message is absolutely beautiful and so powerful #people like you are the reason to keep writing #and I hope that you find so much incredible media that allows you to heal and feel seen and I’m so infinitely moved that rawnsyf is a piece #of that #ask #asks #anon

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carlos-in-glasses · 2 years ago

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Fic Origin Story

Thank you so much for the tag @welcometololaland <3

What was your first fandom (reading and/or writing)?

9-1-1 Lone Star/Tarlos! I’d never given much thought to reading or writing fanfic, but then I fell in love with Tarlos and my entire life was over. Suddenly I needed it like air. I checked out ao3 and was blown away by what I found. I thought...maybe I can do this?...

2. What was the first story you ever wrote (even if it was never posted) and what made you decide to write it?

Sensitivity, which is about Carlos and TK getting to know each other on a deeper level in the early days. But I only wrote and shared what was in my head because the fanfic I’d read gave me the confidence to try. Thank you beautiful writers who are so skilled and inspiring.

3. What's a piece of advice you would give to your younger fic-writing self?

I started writing fic in September, but I’d tell that young whippersnapper that I’m not actually an interloper just because I didn’t discover 911LS sooner. Imposter syndrome should not impact your hobbies. (Also I’d tell myself to write in first person, present tense from the first fic onwards instead of the fourth...)

4. What's an early fandom interaction that stuck with you (be it a nice comment, a friend you made, a fic that got a lot of feedback etc.)?

The lovely and vastly talented @cinnaluminum read Sensitivity and sent me such a kind message on tumblr (I probably had three followers at the time). I was so touched by it, and remain so. As it was my first fanfic and first piece of non-poetry I’d written in years, it meant an awful lot to know that I was on the right track.

Post a sentence or two from one of your older fics, and a sentence or two from a newer one (if you want).

From the OG, Sensitivity:

"Can I get you a drink or something now?" Carlos asked, trying not to sound flustered.

"I've actually never had a lavender-chamomile tea before," TK said with a wry smile, "reminds me of my grandma but I'm willing to give it a try."

This made Carlos laugh – half-embarrassed, half-delighted – and TK chuckled, creasing up and hugging into Carlos a little. Somewhere inside Carlos, the roof was blown clean off the butterfly house, and he had to jump up and pull himself together. "Ok, I'll be right back."

From the fic I’ve just posted, Man to Man:

Carlos nods. A memory is sparking. “Your heart is what you take out there with you,” he says. “Your dad told me that. It was the day you were kidnapped. Before we knew you were missing.”

“Yeah. I remember you telling me.”

“I loved him for it.” Carlos swells with emotion and tears come again, but he doesn’t much mind – it soothes the lingering sting in his eyes from the smoke. He looks at TK and it’s like looking through a kaleidoscope. TK’s blurry shape and the white light around him breaks into segments and slowly spins. Carlos blinks to correct his vision, and then TK is much closer, wiping Carlos’ face with his hands.

A sentence or two becomes a sentence or nine sorry!!!

This was fun to do. I'm weirdly nostalgic for just six months ago when I started doing this.

I'm tagging you back @welcometololaland, and @cinnaluminum, @paperstorm, @tailoredshirt, @reyesstrand, @ladytessa74, @flickerthenflare with no pressure whatsoever of course.

#Tagged #Fic origin story

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mrs-evadne-cake · 1 year ago

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Hey i think ive sent compliments about ur stranger things fic on here before too but skdhdk i recently reread it again (at this point i think i do come back to it once a year lmao) and i just had to come back here again because i feel like its only gotten better on the reread!!! Everytime i remember what a disappointment the recent seasons of the show have become i come back to ur fic and am always astounded by the amount of care you've put into the story and the affection you have for the characters and truly fleshing them out the way you did. Especially a big fan now of the way you tackled the question of "how do we decide something or someone is a monster" on the latest reading between neil hargrove tuning into his radio, james harrington deciding who were real people and who are the monsters who needed to be contained, and ofc the little girls who knew themselves to be monsters now because of things theyve gone through but still try their best to hang onto things they love. Something i didnt pay attention to on the first reading but now i cant stop thinking about it!!! Esp with how jonathan immediately forms a rapport with the abused children instantly because he knows what its like to inherit that monstrousness from violence thats been done to you and desperately wanting to rise above it + the sympathy w which you wrote kali genuinely put this above anything the show could put out at this point. Maybe ever because i dont think the show could truly ever commit to the political stance its first season demanded. Thank u so much!!!!! I liked how now that theres smth of a positive relationship bw hopper and kali, theres potential for a kali and sara hopper team up in the future and possibly how hopper can keep in touch if sara ever decided to reach out.

Optional question for u to respond to: in the story its constantly referenced that jonathan met steves dad at some point and that was probably when steve was told that he wasnt to hang out with the byers. Im guessing that was when joyce dropped him off that halloween cause thats when steve started finding loopholes to meet up with him? I just wanted to know if that would be a correct assumption, and i was wondering how that encounter went down lmao

(btw the choice of making jonathan and steve childhood friends + steve and nancy always being jonathans first loves and them eventually falling into that same configuration the two of them promised each other even when jonathan was the only careful custodian of that memory and never brought it up???? FUCKING INSPIRED. I've never gotten over it ever. Steve admitting in his "rewritten history" bits that jonathans smile made him feel like a bullet train????? God I'll never stop being lightheaded everytime i think about that.)

Hey i think ive sent compliments about ur stranger things fic on here before too but skdhdk i recently reread it again

You're Anon, so I don't know! But if you did I am delighted you decided to reread and tell me more! Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner! Haven't been on here a lot came back and was like...is that... a message?

the affection you have for the characters and truly fleshing them out the way you did.

I'm always so glad when this is what readers take away from it- I never wrote as a hobby before writing this (and haven't written since, unfortunately had the same ultimate feeling on s3/4 as you) but I really loved the show and characters after S2 and this was just an expression of that for sure. I'm so happy it comes through!

Esp with how jonathan immediately forms a rapport with the abused children instantly because he knows what its like to inherit that monstrousness from violence thats been done to you and desperately wanting to rise above it

Thank you! I really wanted a big part of the fic to be that no one's 'hero moment' has to be killing a monster with a bat- hell, I maintain to this day that Steve's was just apologizing in S1- and that it can just as well be empathy and kindness.

Maybe ever because i dont think the show could truly ever commit to the political stance its first season demanded.

Don't get me started.

Yeeeeagh. I don't remember if I had a thing for this? It's been a few years. The Halloween thing is from The Wolves in the Walls which was the original first chapter of this when it was still gonna be a 5 chapter character study instead of a you know, novel. I think in the fic proper it was that his dad was just around more when he was in grade school and just started to have to leave constantly when the project really ramped up around when Terry Ives/Ken/Gloria/Alice joined and 11 was born?

I'm so happy you enjoyed it - thank you so much for the excellent take and the wonderful comment!

#iasl

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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 6 months ago

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they stopped talking of the old gods

it became one and light and the people

were so angry with you when you called the light

by the names of the colors your prism gave you

so I kept them a secret within me

my little grove of muses and their lullaby voices

the oak trees and their burning colors in the fall

every tree is made of seasonal leaves that dances with the wind

if you fall in love with everything it doesn't matter how many fall

the evergreens keep their color and structure

but they don't dance in color like those oaks

last year I wrote a poem about a boy who

couldn't understand why he was disassociated

while my first clue to his blueprint was in the mail

I think that's when I began to realize something about

how our shadows truly witness our bodies

not to tattle to the higher powers but to

decide how to set the stage for becoming and falling

the gods do not think themselves superior in power

their indifference to suffering is only due to lack of prayers

but they will force you to stumble if you haven't learned something

my shadow blinds me so well that I when I

close my eyes I like to pretend I'm blind

turn out the lights and I love to be lost in the darkness

I become my shadow and my shadow becomes me

and it hums in that place with nothing illuminated

I saw my shadow first in the episodes of Doctor Strange

I knew that playful cloak and that magic carpet

his shadow was red but mine was every spectrum

I didn't know why I wanted everything that he was

but I didn't exactly think that desire was healthy

temperance is about one foot one the land

and one foot comforted by the water

the sword that burns and cuts into your own skin

the life you make your own but never take

unless it tries to take yours

I was confused by the severing but I accepted it

I had to live in two worlds to do so because that summer

has awoken everything inside of me and it spiraled

like blood in the water every shark inside of me was drawn to

but it was just my imagination and she was so wild

I was a mother and complicated and every time we talked

he seemed to get more and more frustrated

just my imagination I'm just imagining everything

there's a bath house in Chicago that reminds me of

the oiled greeks and their poetry and theatre

and the songs of goddesses and the way I know he'd

shine in the sun by the sea and if he just looked at me

oh god I can't breathe again this must be why they say it

I could only feel my heart when I filled my bathtub

with epsom salt water with the frequencies of all

the flowers and fruits of trees and forests and measdows

an accidental ritual to create a ceremony with the sea

so I could sing the melancholy out of me

will I ever feel like anything but a sad rainy day

each song released the pressure because I could

conjure and summon a dream to take whatever energy

my lightning filled broken heart inspired in me

Zeus gather these storms and clouds however you will

destroy me so I can destroy this agony

I will sob out whatever pain you need to release in me

make me immune to this I'll do anything

when it came to deities I always felt like I must

have spoke the wrong language when I prayed

they must have only heard mumbling and I feel like

dancing is dangerous and singing is only for nature

the trees don't tell me to stop and do boring things

they listen and maybe it's because because they have to

but to them I never felt like a burden for having a need

to express something that is burning inside of me

but those trees who hold hands under the soil

and connect the whole forest told on me

and my shadow began setting up all the snares

that would force me into transmuting the poetry

if I didn't get all of this out of me something would perish

everything would somehow be lost and the world

(doesn't that sound a little dramatic) suffer for it

so I found the void and began typing in some kind of trance

I didn't remember what I wrote

but I was tired of the journals and knew I'd have to begin

practicing showing myself to the world even if

not even one person valued it

it was liberating and I could do things again

burnout is a bitch and reality with kids is a sword

you can't escape because they climb into bed with you

and tell you how wonderful you are and maybe

could you get up and make me a nutella sandwhich

on honey wheat bread because I'm dying of hunger

I love your hair and can we play taylor swift

and then the boys tumble in and everyone starts screaming

and I was somewhere in my dreams that feels like a loss

that I want to return to but if I light a few candles tonight

and spend the day between four scalding showers and the

presence of the phantom of the opera teaching me how

to find my voice again I just might survive everything

now when I get overwhelmed by an emotion when I'm singing

I feel my throat start to burn and I want to cough

and gently like I do my heart I place my left palm

over my neck like the gravity blanket I sleep under

grasping my body pillow like the door on the sea

when the titanic was sinking and why didn't jack just

climb on with rose why does he always freeze

am I going to freeze wait no not if I go take another bath

and find that presence of safety in a song

I've known since I was a child and wow I am

suddenly no longer a child and my body is no longer

sleeping and I am a woman and I have desires

and those desires are terrifying and nothing matches

but I have enough information to keep going

because every step is just a shadow of my past

and I used to think first and feel later

when it randomly snuck up on me but now

I can trust my feelings not to overwhelm me

okay not those feelings because wow

those feelings are always going to overwhelm me

but maybe that's okay and I'll know when I

can trust myself to surrender and lose control

to the divinity that is filling my entire being with

a power that sometimes I'm frightened of and then

I hear a deep calming voice inside telling me

just talk to them like you'd talk to me

and I've never talked to anyone like I talk to you

which sometimes is rather embarassing

I confess everything to you without thinking

and I'm actually quite careful usually and

anyways that winter on my birthday I found a leaf

an oak leaf that was burning red and orange

like my sacral chakra when I think about you

I wrote a poem and pressed it to the pages

taped the bubble wrap from the package over it

to preserve and keep its color so I never ever

could even think about what I forgot in that moment

when I unwrapped a little bit of my future of divining

something of black and gold and skulls and hearts

I know how to be in my heartspace now

my in throat and my pineal glad still gives me migraines but

I think it's more excitement and impatience

rather than my body trying to be an instrument of pain

it's the orange chakra I'm fixing because my heart is open

and love is beyond the heart when it's sacred

I remember during my first shaman breathing circle

the leader looked me in the eyes and told me

she saw and loved my spirit and I was clutching

my little golden Buddha in my left hand

like it was the pommel of the sword I'm always holding

and my psyche burst into fire like the eye of Sauron

and I've always felt a bit like Pippin who couldn't resist

grabbing a peek at everything when I should be asleep

I spent that two hours in the circle breathing as I raced

through the clouds like a golden valkyrie red hair bleeding

through the wild hunt of the skies and it was ecstasy

the first time I sang in front of people I chose a song

from the hobbit called "I See Fire"

and suddenly I knew my name would be after

the Arkenstone that even the King of Mountains

couldn't keep a cold heart to but lost himself to her madness

anyways the angels and gods are real

and life is a stage our shadows to play with their colors

we have free will but can't resist fate because she

has a plan that she crafts with everything we love

silently to keep the energy pure and the channel protected

I can feel your protection everywhere

and for once it doesn't feel like control

it's a peace I feared at first but am getting used to

this dance is a trial but it's also a challenge

and challenges aren't something to blame ourselves for

but something to seize and overcome if you realize

life is the means to a triumph and my trinity

loves your trinity like the three-headed winged leopards

the prophet Daniel saw in his visions as he brought

King Nebuchadnezzar to his fucking knees

with the visions he didn't want to believe in

I've conquered my impatience and I'm stepped into

my power and though it's flickering I've

taken this alchemy and given it a tangible form

each retraced scar I carved from my poetry is now something

someone can run their eyes over and take into the heart

maybe understand something bleeding inside of them

are we finally done killing each other do you think?

I'm here and I trust and time is meant to teach me

how to receive whatever the universe is conspiring

lightning will keep falling into this blue bottle and the

clouds gather into a storm with a chaos that is

spiraling into slow understanding not just

the usual destruction and the citadel in the sanctum

in full of roses and growing more and more secure

by the slow crystals of time that exist across dimensions

and all the stars that create the space and distance

I'll learn to fill with love until you're here

yesterday I saw two birds of prey circling in the sky

and I understood the nest and the relationship

of the branches and why flying is not falling

but you do have to spread your wings and jump

communication is not only the familiar versions

and when you understand each other's language

not even the world can get in the way of love

but never ever discount those behind the veil

for silhouettes have a way of embodying

as above and same below

the goddess of death wears a crown of flowers

and nothing but the jewels of hell's throne

all over the flesh of her body

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lu-sn · 2 years ago

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Hi lusn! 29 and 30 for that ao3 wrapped meme, please and thank you ❤️

@saffflina @fanonplussed gonna answer 29 and 30 here and then do the other two separately!

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

i'm gonna interpret this in a way that benefits me LOL and do one passage and one line.

from reignite (namphueng):

There is only one thing that matters, and that is this: everything Korn says could be a lie. It might be, it might not be. This is how it’s always been. And so, for her, everything in her small world is true and false, there and not there, real and unreal. It is paralyzing. Her paralysis keeps her safe. It is okay if she believes no truths, so long as she falls for no lies. She stands immobile, unalive and yet untouchable. And then Porsche – her son, her dear son, who looks so beautiful and healthy and trapped just like her – crashes into her world. And suddenly, something here is real, and it is him. He brings Chay, her baby, and Chay is real too. Namphueng grips onto them tightly, for they are her anchor. Her sons are the reason she is alive again, but she is the reason they have been dragged out to sea, and she wants nothing more than for them to be free. The new thing that matters is this: she needs to remember why she is here.

and from smog lights (pete, to macau):

Vegas wouldn’t have learned to love me so easily if he hadn’t spent all of his life loving you first.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

i'll just be blunt. i'm surprised as hell that i can write 😂

i've been reading fic for literal decades but did not write a single word because i didn't think i could or that it would be worth anything - until three years ago, when safff conned me into trying nanowrimo. as most nanos go, i wrote 3K in a daze and never touched it again - but i was like, hey, this isn't total garbage! if i had ideas that were any good, then maybe they'd turn out okay

and then in june i watched this stupid show which ruined my life in literally every way possible and i was going certifiably insane and all the words were festering in my head and i was like fuck. fuck! FINE i'll write them down. and now i'm twelve fics and thousands of words of meta in and i feel kind of stupid because i was the only person in my own way for years. it's ok tho. i've never been so creatively inspired in my life and that's a hell of a motivator. where's that one post that's like, the best way to become better at art is to become completely hyperfixated on a piece of media? yeah, that's me.

this reads like a humble brag. i don't know how to not make it sound like that. i just - if you're someone who's always thought about writing, just try. if you have an idea, give it a shot. i've got tons of words in docs that are never going to see the light of day because i have written plenty of words i don't like. but the ones i did like brought me a lot of joy, and apparently brought a lot of joy to yall too. i'm very grateful for that. i would like to keep writing for a long time. i enjoy writing tremendously, and i made a lot of friends along the way ❤️

#everyone thank safff for that ill fated nano 2019 because without that i really don't think i would be here #she's gonna be insufferable now i can tell #she already is she points and laughs at me every day for my debilitating kp hyperfixation #thanks yall for the asks ❤️❤️❤️ it is nice to think back #there were a lot of choices for favorite passage but the namphueng one has this aura that hits me every time #still don't know where that came from #mine: asks #ao3 wrapped

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clouds-rambles · 4 years ago

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Yaho~~! Might i ask for a request in which reader, instead of a vision has an oddball ability that can take away and relieve others' from their pain with just a touch, and bear it as their own. Discreet with their ability but wont hesitate to lend their hand to whoever's in need. As for the character, i'll leave the choice to you!

Ps. Inspired by a movie i adore :')

SO UH this is gonna be a little complicated (maybe) basically you’re an adepti so it’s just kind of with a few characters you’ve helped.

Lmao I wrote 300 words for my essay and called it a day, going back to it tomorrow ig

Can someone send some Venti or sibling Qiqi requests I really want to write for them

Pairing(s); (Platonic) Zhongli (Morax), Qiqi, Chongyun, Xiao, Childe x reader

Warning(s); fluff

Keep reading under the cut!

You’re an old adepti, predating the archon war. You’ve helped many people through your time all while trying to keep your power secret from the world. Many gods in the past have looked down upon you for their own personal use.

The only god you really have interacted with in the past thousand years was Morax. You hadn’t quite realised who you were saving when you saw his body mangled on the floor. But you had won the favour of the god of contracts and war

So much so that he had offered you a place in his Liyue when he ascended to archon-hood. You, like a large handful of your fellow adepti, signed a contract to keep Liyue and her mortal people safe until the end of time

You vividly remember saving a mortal girl as the archon war was concluding. She was floating on the brink of life and death and you had spent more than enough energy bringing her back

You had been unconscious for weeks after saving the small girl. You didn’t see her for thousands of years before she popped up again recently

Somehow despite her poor zombie memory the girl, that you now know as Qiqi, found herself at your camp, to both thank you and bond with you

The small girl doesn’t remember all facts about you but writes about you in her notebook

She makes you very curious, and you seem to have a strong bond with her. Probably considering the fact you had saved her

Xiao has probably been the only the closest thing you’ve had as a friend over the millennia. He’s in the dark about your adeptal magic but he often finds himself at ease around you

When you’re around Xiao you tend to take a little of his internal suffering. You just want your friend to be at ease at least every now and again. Even if he likes the fact he’s a small ball of angst

Over the millennia you have found ways to help people in subtle ways. There aren’t many people that you’ve outwardly helped.

Bumping into people and becoming a little bit of a clumsy person to help people is how you like to help people

Not many people actually realise that they’ve been helped. And honestly? The less people that know about you is better.

Less people to lose in the longrun

However, in much more recent times you have found yourself helping the younger generation of vision holders with their antics

If any of the younger vision holders ask you who’s your favourite you wont tell them. But it’s Chongyun by a longshot

You’ve had dealings with exorcists in the past but Chongyun’s natural yang energy seems to flush you of any evil spirits. You feel cleansed the same way you see Xiao after you take some of his evil spirits to alleviate his pain

Also you and Chongyun seem to get along well, likely due to his soft personality, maybe to the fact he’s the first of the group of friends he has you met

He had bought you out of a shell you hadn’t realised you had built around you when interacting with mortals.

He and his friends are like a gaggle of your younger siblings

You had met Zhongli without knowing he is the archon you had signed a contract to

Yet you find yourself saving him in a very similar fashion

“I once met a friend in a similar situation to this” you confess wrapping up the new wound on your leg

“Oh? You consider Rex Lapis a friend?” he asks. You blink at the man a few times

“None but myself and the said archon know about that” you announce. Zhongli smiles

“Long time no see [name]” he smiles at you

“[name]! [name]!” you hear a voice across Liyue Harbour. The small Qiqi runs up to you and you scoop her up in your arms

“Morning Qiqi” you smile at her, you see her eyes glisten in happiness

“Can we go picking for herbs today?” she asks

“Of course cutie” you answer booping her nose

The first time you meet Childe is three days after you had to help in saving Liyue Harbour from the old god Osail. He was hobbling about Liyue town

Sure, while he was the idiot who summoned the god. But you can’t help but feel sorry for his body

So while just ‘accidently’ bumped into the man you took just enough pain away from him to stop him from hobbling about Liyue. He can at least hold his head a little higher

You met Childe again over tea with Zhongli. He’s started to look better which makes you smile slightly

You’ve interacted with so many people over the millennia, but if you were forced to choose, being surrounded by all these amazing people has maybe made your contract a little worthwhile

#platonic #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #zhongli #qiqi #chongyun #xiao #childe

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talesofsonicasura · 3 years ago

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By The Sea, There He'll Be: Prologue

Hello folks! This is my first attempt at a reader's insert fanfic. What is it? An X reader involving Hero Is Back Sun Wukong, mainly my Whale Shark Mermonkey version. This is a slow burn. Can be read as gender neutral or preferred gender.

'Royal Seaheart Town', a small town that can be found nestled between steep cliffs by the sea. A place where merfolk visit in secret from others. Everyone who lives here had watch over these fantastical beings after the town's founder was saved by a nameless Whale Shark Mer when lost at sea.

It's here that these aquatic beings can find refuge in times of need or for a break in between migration points. Whether if it's normal merfolk or the rare Leviathan class, Mers whose size surpass the others of their kind. All were treated with care and respect, just like people.

Back to the mysterious Whale Shark Mer, it became a local legend of sorts. From what the founder wrote in his records, this particular one was completely different from all the others. A aura came off of them similar to powerful royalty, a thick reddish brown coat of some kind strewn across their massive back and some peculiar staff in hand.

Hence where the town got its name from. No one really knows exactly who this mysterious Mer was or if they'll ever appear again. To one particular resident, it isn't on their mind. People call them 'Reader' as they always read something, whether to themselves or others.

All of their tales heir from the inspiration they get when sailing out on the vast sea. To them, something like the legendary whale shark is something you should stumble upon, not seek out. Otherwise these wonders will just evade the seeker.

It was one of those days where Reader set off in hopes to find something to craft their next story. An occurrence that happens frequently when any ideas are near the bottom of an empty barrel. So far...

"Aw man! Not a single interesting." You exclaimed in pure annoyance. Been hours since you set sail on your little house boat, and not a single thing has happened. No dolphins leaping through the water, curious sea life trying to examine your ship, and ridiculously no seagulls. Those birds are very common around the area especially this time of year being a migration season.

All there is the open sea and the cloud less sky. You set up some bait to attract any non hostile animal to see if anything would swim past the see-through screens in the bottom dock. There were three thick windows in total, one on the floor and one on both walls.

So far, not a single thing went for your special homemade bait. A mixture of chum, worms and kelp that you tested to see what sea life would love it. "Maybe I need to change the recipe. Looks I'll have to try again in a few days. A nasty storm will be rolling in soon."

Your ship wasn't something built for rough weather at sea but that isn't the big concern. Sea monsters like to show up during night or when the waters were raging. An easy meal that can go unnoticed from people above and below the ocean.

Getting started about the more dangerous man eating merfolk wouldn't help either. It would be best to head straight back to town. You ran back up deck and started the engine. Only a few hours before night, plenty of time to make it to town.

But you had a bad feeling that something was horribly wrong. One you hope would go away the closer you get to home. 'I don't like this. It's too quiet and calm.' The thought had you setting the ship a bit faster. Calm waves were a bad omen to any sailor after all.

An aura of dread filled the air as the ocean waves suddenly began to move in rough patterns. Your heart sank upon the sky behind you becoming dark under a sheet of unnatural storm clouds and brutal rainfall. This had been enough to set the boat to full speed.

"Fuck! Come on! Go faster!" Whatever was going on isn't a normal storm. Something is behind this and you really didn't want to meet it in person. A sentiment that grew upon seemed to be a large spiny fin moving under the stormy waters.

This is bad, really bad. Only one creature that lived near your town had this particular type of fin. A very nasty Eel Sea Monster known as 'Tyrant'. Well earned from how many ships and merfolk it viciously attacked. It even mauled a Leviathan class Great Shark mer to near death.

Tyrant will easily shred your boat like wet paper. Looking back, you won't be able to make it to town before the eerie storm looms over you. Without wasting anytime, you immediately ran to the little box under the control panels.

Fighting a Sea Monster is suicide, but blinding it should give enough time to escape. A thought that led to purchasing special flash depth charges. Each one capable of releasing strong enough light to temporarily blind any Leviathan class. It should work on Tyrant.

Pulling the first charge out, you quickly ran over to the side of the deck and tossed it in the water where you saw the monster's fin. Within seconds, it went off with a monstrous distorted screech following. Bull's-eye.

Quickly turning the ship away from Tyrant's path, you got ready to set off another charge. The storm now above the small boat, it was harsh but not that dangerous...yet. Bastard recovered quick from how it went to turn towards you.

Immediately tossed another charge and changed the ship's course. Tyrant isn't going to get a meal right now, not if you can do anything about it. Apparently the second charge really pissed off the eel Sea Monster.

Why? Cause it leapt out of the water and straight towards your ship. Razor sharp fangs on full display in the open wide mouth while six eyes bore into your soul with pure hatred. Immediately turned the boat away from inky black beast's jaw as crashed into the water.

The waves created brutally hit the boat, not only sending the blinding charges out of your hand but allow the Tyrant to slam the end of its tail into the hull. A direct hit towards the glass as water quickly begins to pour into the ship.

"Shit!" You were in a really bad situation. Even if you get to the lifeboat, it'll just make it an easier meal for the beast. Staying on the boat however would buy little time... unless you can reach the flare gun.

It wouldn't be effective like the charges but it can buy enough time to go for the life boat and try to reach the little outpost not to far away. There were special charms that would keep sea monsters such as the Tyrant away.

You quickly went to the safe box only to quickly jump away as a long tail slammed into the side of the deck. The blow practically breaking your ship in half but also chucking you into the railing. It hurt but it was at least something to hold onto.

Hurt like a bitch to stand up, even worse to find six enraged eyes staring back with hunger. You were most likely dead but you won't give this asshole fish any satisfaction by being scared. Tyrant is already pissed, might as well be insane and dig yourself deeper.

Grabbing a piece of shattered glass from the deck, you hurl it straight into the monster's bottom right eye. A direct hit from how it shrieked back in absolute pain as it's blood drip into the sea. Tyrant snapped to lunge straight at you. Ready to devour everything in it's line of sight until...

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT..." As a massive wall water shot from underneath the sea monster, the sudden large wave it made practically shoved you into the sea. Whatever Tyrant broke in your tiny body stun even more by the harsh shove of the raging sea. Any further thoughts stopped upon the wall wading away to an unbelievable sight.

The most infamous sea monster of your home town, a creature measured around 50 ft, was in the jaws of an extremely massive Mer. A Whale Shark from the spots you can glimpse through the harsh storm's rain. Not just that but a Leviathan far larger than any Whale Shark Merfolk of the same class, at least a 128 ft in size alone.

The sight didn't last long as the Mer devoured their catch and fell to the sea. Last thing you saw was a tsunami from the mere slap of the massive being's tail. After that, everything became still but you swear that you something soft touch your back.

How much time had been passed since the incident is unknown. The scratchy feeling of sand on skin alongside a light warmth from above. It was enough to stir your conscious to wake up and open your eyes...to a beach.

A long sandy beach that circled around what seem to be tropical jungle trees but not a single sign of civilization anywhere. Only washed up seaweed, crabs and the pieces of what used to be your boat.

You were alive but now stranded on some sort of island. Better than being dead at least.

I written this using Tumblr's drafts instead of the usual Google Docs, so I really don't know how this actually is. A personal experiment you can say.

For this one, I wanted to try a different setup than the stereotypical imprisoned mermaid/merman needing rescue or nobody knows merfolk exist schtick. Cliches are good but sometimes a fresh twist can go a long way.

I could've ended this part with a cliffhanger by reader blanking out in sea but that will be cruel. I'll be exploring more on how Mers work in any universe I use merfolk.

The next chapter will be an official meeting with Sun Wukong. Until next time folks, I'll see you later. Here's the page for my Whale Shark Mermonkey Sun Wukong.

#au #fanfic #self insert #sun wukong #tales of sonicasura #sonicasura #monkey king hero is back #hero is back #hib sun wukong #hero is back sun wukong #sun wukong x y/n #sun wukong x reader #jttw imagines

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gatheryourships · 10 months ago

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I mean... Yeah, that's true, lol. I'm just a bit embarrassed I don't have my character figured out as much as you and others is all. Although part of that is that I haven't spent much time thinking about her. But I think you've inspired (and certainly encouraged!) me to not just think but write more about her. Thanks for that btw! <3

Lmao, ain't it just? Hahaha. That's true. But her mom is just trying to make sure her daughter is set up and okay. She's just trying to be good mom. And as far as anyone there is concerned, who realistically expects a fellow commoner from their hometown to become a huge, well-known hero known across the land? Literally no one. And it's because of idolizing heroes from stories meant for children that she's even like that to begin with. It's a grown woman still clinging onto childhood in their eyes, not a future Hero of Faerûn.

Oh, nonono. Not an arranged marriage. Just the normal "Hey, it's time to find someone and settle down with. Just make sure they're good and responsible and hopefully already have a job of some sort (like a farm or a profitable profession of some sort)."

It only sounds that way because I have so little I've fleshed out for her and the dad thing I had only come up with the previous bit I wrote before scrapping it and starting all over again. Also, I was very tired, lmao. I promise she has a good relationship with her mom. It's just buried under all that busy house work. 😂

Yeah, and also I can't help with tragic drama, lol. But, more importantly, she can't be a hero yet. Not before BG3 events. 😉 I also wanted her to be a bit wet behind the ears, so to speak, hero-wise at the start of BG3 events. She's just a woman with a sword, who only knows how to use it in a basic sense. Barely has any experience at all. And through BG3 events better learns not just how to use her sword but how to be "hero".

That and I really liked the connecting theme of using I Want To Live (the song everyone lowkey associates with Astarion) with her via the playlist I made for her. A "nice" little low moment, where she feels alone and hopeless in comparison to later when she's in a(n actual) relationship with Astarion. Two people's own loneliness and helplessness coming together in solidarity and companionship.

Oh. Um- Yes. Lol. There's a couple main ones for her set within the game's story. And then there's plenty that... well, aren't. 😂 Not entirely sure within all of them if they're exactly her, but close enough they count I suppose. I'll talk about the two main ones here. (If I don't scare you off by horrible and dark they are lmao, oof.) But let me know if you want to hear the other, many AU ideas I have that I will probably write one day (maybe in another millennium or two lol).

The first is obviously Durge!Rosenna. Resisting Durge, of course. I imagine it’s pretty similar to main Rose. Grew up pretty similar, wanting to be a hero, all that. Albeit with a slight, ever growing dark bloodthirsty edge to it all. Gets in a fight with her mother. Leaves. The same.

When she wakes up, on the mindflayer ship, she barely remembers herself. And with a little bit of time that’s all she remembers. Fight with her mother and going to leave. Except as she learns/remembers later is that in her anger she let her dark urge completely consume her. And she went wild. Basically if anyone were to ask about that little hamlet today, it doesn’t exist anymore. It’s a complete ghost town.

From there she went to Baldur’s Gate like she always planned and instead of a hero’s path instead leaned further into her dark urge and Bhaal, eventually teaming up with the other two Dead Three avatars. It’s not until BG3 events she gets mentally knocked back to a morally good, wanting to be a hero version of herself again that things change, thankfully for the better - for her and for everyone else.

The second is spawn!Rosenna. Part of my role reversal AU for her and Astarion, where Rose is the vampire spawn and Astarion (not a vampire spawn, literally just a normal elf - not pale, at least not abnormally pale lmao) is a hero/adventurer type. Think a mix of British Victorian vibes/looks mixed with a Spanish roguish swordbuckler.

Rose has the same backstory (again lmao), except that was 200 years ago. She went to Baldur’s Gate to be a hero and took a job that ended up turning into rabbit hole of one thing after another. Which lead her… straight to Cazador. About to unravel his plans and ultimately possibly reveal him as a vampire (she hadn’t quite gotten there yet, but was quickly getting to that point), he knew he had to deal with her. And with her little rabbit hole adventure, he realized how clever and smart she was (aka: useful). Also, what’s more cruel than to turn a hero into a monster themselves, the very thing they live to fight and destroy.

Instead of a more suave, sex-forward approach like main game Astarion does, she goes for a more innocent, demure (almost romantic) approach. (I suppose a better way to explain it is instead of masquerading as a tempting seductress, she pretends to be an innocent, inexperienced pure maiden instead.) Which our wanna be big hero Astarion unfortunately falls head over heels for when she pulls it on him in order to assure her safety with him and the group. (A Hero and his poor damsel in distress! The story writes itself! …doesn’t it? 😒) (In fairness, this version of him is literally 39. He doesn’t have the 200 years of trauma and distrust he learned from it all. Instead, Rose has that.)

Also, something I realized the other day, was that I had accidentally created a perfect, heartbreaking parallel theme between the two. The wanna-be Hero and the folk hero who’s live was taken too soon and never became the Hero she wanted to be. Where as time goes on, Rose finds herself not just caring for Astarion but trying to warn him against such a path he’s so determined to take. But in turn it helps teach Astarion how to become not only a better person himself but a better hero. And maybe who knows, maybe she ends up being a Hero after all. Even after BG3 events. 😉😭💖

So, because @gunslingerorchid asked, here's a post about my self-insert Tav, Rosenna.

I’ll be honest I don’t have a whole lot about her fleshed out. And even trying to write this up for you, so much got changed and rewritten a number of times, and even this response is a complete start over from the very long and honestly confused lore bit I wrote.

Basically what I wrote for the fake BG3 intro post I reblogged on here is pretty much all I got, lmao. But I’ll try to give some more info, as much as I got nailed down right now. Maybe some more that’s not so concrete yet either.

Um, so. Rosenna is an only child, born and raised by a farmer and his wife (last name undetermined) in a little hamlet (also name undetermined) located along the Chionthar river a little ways down from Baldur’s Gate.

Right around that little nook maybe, where the red dot is. I still haven’t decided which side of the river it’s on. But around that area. So that’s it’s between the Fields of the Dead and the Woods of Sharp Teeth.

Rose (for short) lived a nice, little life with her parents. Helped her mom with house chores and what not as commoner daughters do. Also helped her dad a little with the farm - probably a bit less common for daughter to do, but eh. She likes helping and only doing house chores drove her crazy. And it’s something different so she was fine with it, despite getting a little dirty sometimes because of it. Also it was spending time with dad, so�� That’s nice. xD

From a young age, Rose had been immersed with stories about heroes. Not necessarily intentionally mind you. Just parents telling their kid stories, censored versions of course. And from there, as she grew up, just got into reading stories about heroes herself.

And between having a good, kind, caring heart and just being a feisty, determined woman who only wants to do right she naturally felt an inclination towards such a life.

However… her mother had another plans for her. Not out of ill-will, just normal life plans that a commoner daughter would typically live. Help her mother until she (Rose) found someone to marry, which her parents were starting to push that onto her, except Rose didn’t have much interest in that. (Yet, anyways. Hero thing first, romance later possibly, ya know.)

What Rose did have an interest in was going to the docks and rubbing shoulders with people who came from Baldur’s Gate and even elsewhere afar, wanting to hear real stories of adventures and journeys from real people that they’ve had, especially recently.

Now it’s here where I’m unsure whether to spin it off as how she picked up some sense of handling a sword. One way is that because going to the docks and rubbing shoulders with strangers is obviously a terrible, dangerous thing to do and her father (and mother) become worried for her and so her father (who’s also maybe part of the citizen militia for the little hamlet - no standing army) decides to teach her (in secret/aka behind mom’s back) so she stops trying to go to the docks (and possibly end up kidnapped or worse one day). Fun, nice, gets interaction with her dad. But like, I just realized it’s the same as the other self-insert for another character I like/liked. So, since I’m already doing that plotline with another character, I’ll probably go with the second option then lmao.

The other one was an idea I had before but was unsure about it (then not now) where she does meet someone from the docks. Not a romantic interest, but thankfully a friendly and honorably decent person. He obviously realized that she’s young (20s, since I didn’t mention that before) and a bit starry-eyed, but she means well and was looking for more in her life, more than this little hamlet could give her. He befriended her and indulged her in giving her stories of his travels and interesting little adventures and happenings he found himself in every time he came into town (only ever stopping by, as did anyone else whoever found themselves at the docks there). Eventually, he himself buys her a sword and trains her how to use it.

From there to BG3 events however… One day it’s too much. Rose’s reckless immaturity has become too much for her mother. So Rose and her mother got in an argument. Her mother had not been oblivious to Rose and her love of heroes, but had hoped that Rose would grow out of it as she got older (she didn’t, it only grew stronger). And enough was enough. It was time to be a grown woman, look for a partner, and settle down and become not just a wife but mother herself. To say Rose was unhappy about this would be a completely understatement. After a yelling match with her mother, Rose quickly packed some things (including her stashed away secret sword) and left home. She got on the first ship to Baldur’s Gate and that was that.

For a year, Rose tried her best there. She got jobs. But they weren’t great. Didn’t pay great. By the end of it, things were… pretty bleak, mentally speaking for Rose. (In my playlist, as confused as it is with this summarization of character, I literally have The Parting Glass (Walking Dead version) followed by the instrumental version of I Want to Live from BG3. I think that says plenty.)

The next morning as she’s going about town is when the mindflayers come and she gets unfortunately (or technically speaking, quite fortunately) snatched up. (Only way to become a hero is go on a crazy adventure right? 😉)

#tav #tav talk #blogger's own #blogger blab #sorry for such a long spew of lore for one single character lmao #even if half of it is two AUs #which sorry for such dark AUs lmao #i kinda lean towards dark tragedy stuff sometimes and it shows haha

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thedamageofherdays · 3 years ago

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This week's [23-08-2021 - 29-08-2021] reading log is here! I read a lot again this week and I feel like it's a lovely variety of fics. Most fics are Stucky like usual, but there's at least one other ship. I am constantly amazed by the talent people have in this fandom! There was one fic I read on Tumblr that I can't seem to find unfortunately, but when I do I'll make sure to reblog and rec it 💕

Favourites are marked with a 🌻

When life gives you lemons by moonthejedi394 @moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 40k words, Mature] (12/15 chapters available)

Or 13 Terrible Things to Do With Lemons Other Than Making Lemonade

Steve Rogers is a home health nurse. He works for an agency, which assigned him to the aging Winifred Barnes, the one and only Silent Era Hollywood darling. As her needs increased, she requested the agency assign Steve to her full-time. She could pay for it, so she got it. Steve then moved in with her, becoming her caregiver; he cooked, he cleaned, he managed her medications, he made sure she was comfortable.

Winifred's children treated him less than ideally. He was the help, after all. And then Steve had the audacity to go and turn out to be eldest son James Barnes's soulmate. No one saw that coming.

The Masseur and the Assassin by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy @buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 17k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes needed a vacation from his job. What he found was a happy ending.

The Words Breathe by buckbarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

All Steve has to do is keep his promise. When he doesn’t, Bucky gets mouthy.

Soft by this_wayward_life @wayward-lives [Stucky, 2k words, Explicit]

The last time he'd seen Bucky he'd looked unhealthy, with pallid skin and greasy, lanky hair. Now, Bucky shone; his hair was thick and silky, his skin a deep bronze from spending so much time outside. He was softer, too; the hard muscle that used to cover him was now replaced by soft fat, his body still strong, but in a more mundane way. His thighs were thicker, his ass plumper, and when he'd pulled Steve into the river Steve had noticed the pudge on his stomach.

Seeing Bucky so happy, well-fed and shining, was a bit of a kick in the face. For all the years they'd known each other, he'd never seen Bucky so... care-free. Now that Bucky was putting on weight, his middle soft and his body malleable, it sent a bolt of arousal through Steve every time he noticed the curves of Bucky's body.

Or: Bucky put on a bit of weight in Wakanda, and Steve is Not Coping.

🌻 Revive Another Side of Me by dontcallmebree @iamthe-wo-manwhocan [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Steve’s never lived in a world without Bucky, and he’s not living now. It takes them a while, much too long, to get that awaited rest, a little slice of peace after the dust has settled.Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are inseparable, history remembers. But they’re not men of the past quite yet.

🌻 imagine being loved by me by spacebuck @spacebuck [Stucky, 20k words, Explicit]

Just after 1am - a few hours after he posted today’s photo - he hears the tell-tale sound of a twitter message. Bucky grabs his phone, not checking who it’s from as he opens it because it’s probably one of his mutuals yelling at him as per usual. When he actually looks at his phone, though, it’s not Natasha

The ‘verified’ check stares back at him for a long moment before he can even bring himself to process the name on his screen. Steve Rogers is messaging him. Or, he reasons, a very good fake. The handle looks right though, not that Bucky knows. Not that Bucky has Captain’s America’s tweets set up as notifications, or that Bucky’s own display name is set to captain america’s bitch. Not at all.

Hey, the first message says. It’s Steve.

🌻 JB’s Complete Lube Services by dixons_mama @dixons-mama [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

People just didn’t approach Captain America and proposition him. Although, sometimes Steve wished they would; even the pinnacle of virtue and justice needed to get dicked down from time to time.

Or, the one where Steve has the hots for a mechanic and decides to be proactive in getting that dick.

If it had to be someone by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Bucky had known since he was a child that he didn’t have a choice in who he married, but he’d thought he had more time before the day arrived.

Miscalculations by christywantspizza @christywantspizza [Ransom Drysdale/Reader, 6k words, Explicit]

Ransom tries to get you to sleep with him by less than honorable means. You give him what he wants, just not how he wants it.

How to Seduce a Writer by obsessivereader [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

What's a determined master strategist going to do when the oblivious writer he's trying to woo keeps missing all the clues?

He doesn’t think it’s because he hadn’t signaled his own interest to Bucky. He’s pretty much done everything short of hitting Bucky over the head with semaphore flags by this point. There’s no way Bucky could’ve missed them. Unless… There’d been that one link he’d stumbled upon when he’d googled ‘how to talk to a writer’. It’d been written by a writer, who’d been candid about how oblivious writers could be, and how someone could go about seducing one. An idea starts to form. It’s ridiculous, but at this point, he’s willing to go with ridiculous, since subtle wasn’t getting him anywhere.

🌻 Pod Bless America by Deisderium @deisderium [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

Bucky can't believe his favorite podficcer recorded his newest fanfic AU of the show Commandos. He's even more surprised when the customer who busts him listening to fic while he's working in the office supply store turns out to be that podficcer.

* The guy—maybe bi_shield?—took his phone, looked down at the screen, and smiled. "Yeah, that one's mine," he said with no evidence of embarrassment. "It was a good one." He handed the phone back to Bucky.

"I wrote it," Bucky croaked.

take a bite by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 7k words, Mature]

"I’d never let anyone freeze to death.” Steve gives a big sigh and flutters his lashes. “All that blood gone to waste.”

Bucky’s lips turn down and his nose scrunches up a little. “I want to be grossed out, but…”

“But you get it.” Steve gives him a pointed look. “Vampires aren’t the only ones who can appreciate how juicy blood is.”

Or: Vampire Steve saves newly-turned werewolf Bucky from a snowstorm.

Leaving the Shield Behind by BuckyAboveEverything [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

“So, on one hand, we have Steve Rogers - hunk, genius, animal lover. Buys you waffles and overpriced coffee. 100% wholesome all-American boy.”

“And, on the other hand, we have Capsicle – twink, smart-ass, fanboy. Reads your stories and sends you fanart. Possibly a pervert or a serial killer.”

Bucky groaned.

“I am 100% certain I am 0% sure of what to do."

Bucky Barnes, full-time copywriter and free-time fanfic writer, struggles to choose between two equally-attractive suitors, only to find that he doesn’t have to after all.

* Based on a true story *

Cap's Book Corner by Neche [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

Recluse Author Bucky Barns stumbles into fanboy Steve Rogers bookstore one day...

Cat Nap by galwednesday @galwednesday [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

Objectively, losing the Bucharest safehouse and its contents was the least of Bucky’s problems. The balding agent he’d seen directing the raid was apparently affiliated with SHIELD, which was a shadowy government agency that made representatives from other shadowy government agencies suddenly remember urgent appointments when Bucky tried to bribe, threaten, and otherwise shake them down for information on what the hell SHIELD might want with a former brainwashed assassin. Dodging SHIELD should be his number one priority.

Subjectively, he wanted his fucking cat back.

at any given moment by honeypuffed [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

Steve and Bucky find out that everyone thinks they're sleeping together.

Brought to Brightness by eyres [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

Army veteran Bucky Barnes has fallen in love with Steve, a guy he met online a few months after he returned from Afghanistan. Only problem is, he doesn't know Steve's last name or even what he looks like.

When his sister helps him send his story into MTV's Catfish, he's hoping they can help him meet Steve or, at least, let him move on with his life if Steve isn't real. Little does he know, Steve and Captain America have more in common than just a first name.

🌻 Nokken Wood by leveragehunters @leveragehunters [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

When Sam's friend needs a house-sitter for his place in the country, Steve jumps at the chance. Six months rent-free to do nothing but draw and paint and wander the countryside, looking for inspiration? It was like a dream. But when he gets lost in a storm and nearly falls into a pond he starts to rethink the whole like a dream aspect of life in the country. And when a red-eyed, sharp-clawed, silver-fanged creature rises out of the darkness, Steve is one hundred percent certain the dream's morphed into a nightmare.

...until it gives him a cup of tea.

(Inspired partly by this prompt a supernatural creature is supposed to scare you but instead it gives you a cup of tea and a blanket because you're having a bad day and you keep coming back and partly by this painting.)

Professional Pride by galwednesday [Stucky, 700 words, Teen]

Bucky is having a very good day, until he turns around and finds himself face-to-face with Captain America.

“Oh shit,” he blurts before he can stop himself, and Captain America blinks at him. “Hey, hi, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Here, at New York’s Pride parade, surrounded by thousands of happy screaming people wearing rainbows and sometimes not much else. What is he doing here? Is he on guard duty or something? Was he just on a mission and happened to be passing by on his way back?

He’s in uniform but with the cowl loose around his neck, so when he rubs the back of his head it fluffs up his matted hair. “I, uh. I saw one of your–temporary tattoos?” Captain fucking America says, like it’s a question.

The A-bridged Guide to Trolling by galwednesday [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

“I don’t have any money.”

Oh no, now the girl looked upset. Her eyes were huge and her lip was wobbling. Bucky tried to think fast despite the oh shit oh shit oh shit looping through his head.

“That’s okay,” Bucky said gently. “I don’t need money. We can figure out another kind of toll.”

The girl frowned at him. “Like what?”

Bucky scratched his head, trying to think of something a kid was certain to have on hand. “Do you know any jokes?”

(Fantasy AU in which Steve is a hedge witch with a green thumb, Bucky is a bridge troll who's new in town, and knock-knock jokes are a viable form of currency.)

It's a bittersweet ending (if you know what I mean) by relenafanel [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

“I’ll see you around, Steve,” Bucky answers with a smirk, moving away from the counter with a wink.

Steve watches him go. Bucky’s wearing a pair of skinny jeans coated in something to give the appearance of leather. It’s impossible to not watch him go.

stuck on you by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 5k words, Teen]

“Bucky? You don’t look so hot.”

Bucky makes a tiny little sound in the back of his throat, only to start coughing. Of course he doesn’t look hot. He’s sick and he’s dying and Steve obviously isn’t attracted to him.

Decision-Making in Relationships (Paid Research Opportunity!) by castiowl [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

Clint looked thoughtfully at the flyer. “I guess your actual roommate wouldn’t be down with it?”

Bucky frowned. “Have you met Steve Rogers?”

no way out but through by hollimichele [Stucky, 9k words, Teen]

Steve never sees it coming.

you got blood on your hands (and i know it's mine) by nighimpossible [Stucky, 3k words, Teen]

Bucky refuses to see Steve after his deprogramming.

Like What You See by daisymondays [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

For all the time Bucky’s spent fantasizing about meeting Captain America, he’d never imagined it would be while posing nude in front of a drawing class.

🌻 A Real Boy by itsnotbleak [Stucky, 5k words, Teen]

It took the Winter Soldier three weeks to remember that human beings needed to sleep and eat.

It took Steve far too long to realise the Winter Soldier was sleeping in his bed.

Amapola by chaya [Stucky, 830 words, Teen]

Total fluff. Bucky's recovering nicely. Steve's oblivious. Sometimes it's best to set aside subtlety for action.

Knocking Boots With Sugar by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 4k words, Explicit]

In between summers at college, Steve Rogers wants a new adventure beyond his lonely life in Brooklyn. He ends up in West Texas working on a dude ranch where Bucky Barnes is a long-time employee. When Bucky offers to buy Steve a drink, they end up drunk on tequila and making out in public. For the rest of the summer, they're inseparable. As the summer draws to a close, Steve realizes he doesn't want to leave.

Rogers and Associate by roe87 @jro616 [Stucky, 7k words, Teen]

When they first meet, Bucky is a hooker and Steve is a cop. She's been arrested, but Steve lets her off.

Years pass and they maintain a casual friendship, seeing each other out on the streets most nights.

Though he later makes detective, Steve loses faith in the system and quits his job.

He wants to set up as a private investigator, and he asks Bucky if she'd be his assistant.

Just in time by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Bucky knew the apartment he was renting was old fashioned, but walking in the front door and finding himself transported back to 1938 was not on the list of things he had prepared himself for.

🌻 You Like What's in My Head by dontcallmebree [Stucky, 15k words, Explicit] (with art by @kocuria)

Bucky can’t decide if Steve’s a tough nut to crack or incredibly easy. The timbre of his voice, a low and almost amused, “Sure, kid,” when Bucky asks for a drink feels like something gripping him on the back of his neck.

He thinks this might be one of those moments in life he’ll pinpoint in the future and either curse at for dooming himself, or remember fondly with pride.

He’s right. Bucky Barnes blunders through falling in love with Commander Rogers and tries to find a deeper meaning behind the expensive gifts and thorough fucking.

Can I Sit Here? by BuckyFrickenBarnes [Stucky, 962 words, General]

Bucky has unusual methods for getting rid of his writer's block.

Or, Bucky needs that table.

Workplace Romance by BuckyFricken Barnes [Stucky, 1k words, General]

Bucky is under the impression that his boss hates him.

Or,

Steve needs to get better at dealing with his feelings.

🌻 1-800-MAYTAG by Miss Plum @misspluckyplum [Stucky, 1k words, Explicit]

Bucky just wants to get some housework done. It gets out of hand fast. Silly little fluff and smut romp with snarky stucky boys.

Eyes of the Forest by Lordelannette [Stucky, 7k words, Explicit] (2/8 chapters available)

When Omega Bucky Barnes comes to Eagle Lake, it was in search of wolves, a creature that had not been seen in the area for decades.

What he finds instead is Steve Rogers, a handsome, though quiet Alpha who seems to be everywhere in the forest.

#r's reading log #my reading log #fic rec #stucky #stucky fic rec #fic recs #stevebucky #long post

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atalho-s · 4 years ago

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Light Up The Dark

Part 1 | June

pairing: bartender!tom x famous!reader

warnings: some smut +18 (in this particular chapter it’s nothing TOO explicit, but miniors be aware), swear words?, drinking, let me know if anything else!

words: 4.9 k

summary: y/n is a famous horror writer. Her books are on the lips of the people and her face is on all the magazine covers of promising young people.

She has just moved to Los Angeles, the city of celebrities and luxury, when she starts to get a writer's block as she starts writing her newest book. A way to distract herself and seek inspiration leads her to have her destiny mapped out with a simple waiter named Tom who has a delicious british accent.

What happens when her inspiration comes back only after she spends a night with him and she only manages to write after being in the company of that guy she just met? Maybe he'll become her newest addiction.

a/n: english it’s not my first language, so i’m sorry for any mistake! this is a series i started writing a while ago, i hope y��all enjoy :) the reader it’s from brazil here, but you can replace from any country you want lol And obv i’m not from LA and never been there, so if i say something out of reality it’s bc of that 😂

"June arrived at the restaurant, sat down near the bar and looked around vaguely. The strange people's faces made her think better and maybe drink a shot of tequila too.

She opened his folder with the horrifying photos of the mysterious case. She felt sick to her stomach.

People said that by then she should have been used to see this kind of thing, but that was repulsive.

She wish the nightmare she had the night before was a way to solve that puzzle, but believing in the afterlife now wouldn't help her... If...If..."

- Damn it... - Y/n slammed her fist on the table. - Writer's block sucks. - She said and took the last sip of her tea.

It s been a week since she couldn't write anything. She would write maybe two paragraphs, maybe even three if she got lucky, but she always ended up erasing it, because she always turned into something meaningless or too cliche.

Damn the time she had promised to deliver something to her editor by the end of the month. But she hadn't counted on the lack of ideas when she agreed to that.

She got up from her chair in frustration and crossed her arms, pacing, as if her creativity had gone out for a walk and she was waiting impatiently for it to come back.

Why had she agreed to write a new book in the first place? She didn't need money. Their previous four books were already making huge profits, and they were going to make a new television series based on one of them.

So why writing another one? Maybe because, she had been having too many nightmares lately. Many family and friends told her to see a psychologist, see if she didn't have some hidden trauma. But looking for a psychologist? Admitting your weaknesses and personal things to a stranger? Never. That would be horrifying.

Writing helped. Transferring his fears to pages was hers gift. When she wrote she didn't have nightmares, didn't see things, wasn't sad. It was like a drug, a calming medicine.

Maybe fame was also making her restless lately. She hated being the spotlight, being the magazine cover of promising young people. She hated to see her name highlighted. But she loved having readers, yes. She loved when someone felt good reading her books or in the good sense of the word: terrified by her stories.

At the height of her 25 years, he never thought her books would become famous at that point. She had always enjoyed writing since she was a child, but working with it was just an unattainable dream. Until, at age 19, she quit her hideous job as a hotel receptionist and decided to publish her first story.

Obviously there were many rejections, until a publisher agreed to publish their work. From then on, her books became more and more known. They called her the new horror genius, the mystery queen, and sometimes even "Stephen King's lost daughter."

She didn't think it was all that. But she accepted the descriptions gladly. No wonder her books didn't come out of the top spot on the best sellers.

Another thing that motivated her to continue with that story, was a phrase from her own idol mentioned, Stephen King: "good stories are those that stay in the head for a long time". And God only knew how that story had been with her for far too long. She always wanted to put it down on paper, so here she was trying to put into words what her head brought up as random thoughts.

But now she was having one of his first creative blocks. Obviously she had already had it with previous books, but nothing as frustrating as this one. She had been trying hard for days, which was exhausting.

She looked at the clock on the wall: 11pm. Who knows if she took another break before starting writing again? Maybe it would help to come up with more ideas.

She thought about watching a show or movie, but he wasn't in the mood. She looked at her long polka dot pajamas under her favorite warm robe and snorted. Go out? On a Thursday night? On a cold night? No way.

But what if it helped her have more writing material? Watching people on the street really helped. If June, the character in her book, was in a bar, maybe if she went to one too it would help to have something to build on.

Writers did it all the time. Describe places that already existed, situations similar to which they lived. So, it wouldn't be new. Maybe she'd even put the location in her tribute if helped she got out of her creative block.

She took a deep breath and went to take a shower. It was decided, she would go out. She put on her best jeans, a Ramones T-shirt with a leather jacket. It wasn't a fancy outfit, but she didn't intend to go somewhere fancy anyway. Her stylist would have been dying to see her now, but she didn't care one bit.

She went out pressing the bottom of the elevator. Y/n had lived on the top floor of a building for 2 months, right in downtown Los Angeles. Sometimes she didn't even know why she chose to live there, she hated the big city and what came with it: paparazzi, celebrities, crazy people who feel superior, wealth and luxury. She came from a humble family, so she always felt like an outsider.

Y/n arrived downstairs and left the condominium calling a taxi that was passing in the street just in time. She walked in and closed the door, crossing her arms, trying to ward off the cold.

- Good night miss, where are you going? - the driver asked looking at her in the rearview mirror.

- Good night... Actually I don't know, do you have any suggestions for a bar around here?- she asked looking out the window. She didn't even bother to look for suggestions for places nearby.

- Well, it depends on what you're looking for... Something luxurious or something fun? - He said and a smiled played on the corer of her mouth. Luxurious was the opposite of fun indeed.

- Something fun, of course.

- So, I suggest the new Seven Devils bar, it's less than 20 minutes from here... - he said.

- Interesting name... Could be. - She said shrugging.

- The name is kinda creepy, but the place is cozy and welcoming, I went once. - the driver said starting and entering the street that was practically empty for being a weekday.

- Cool... - Y/n said looking at the city lights through the window.

After nearly twenty minutes the taxi stopped in front of what appeared to be a small door with a security guard in front of it. The neon sign indicated the name of the place, it seemed a mysterious place for those who passed by without knowing it.

- Thanks. - Y/n said handing the driver the money.

- You're not the Y/n Y/l/n? I didn't want to say anything, but I'm a fan of you, I love your books, they help me pass the time while I wait for passengers. - the driver asked turning a little with one of the Y/n books in his hand. - Could you sign this for me?

- Sure! - Y/n spoke excitedly taking the book from his hand and leaving a message along with her signature. - Thanks for the tip of the place. Have a good night... - She said opening the door.

- No, thank you, have a good night miss. -he said and she smiled closing the door and the taxi left leaving her alone looking at the door in front of her.

She approached the security guard who wished her good night, giving her room to enter, after she showed her ID. Y/n entered a little afraid of what she would find. The door behind her closed and she looked around. It was really cozy as the taxi driver said, it had a part with several tables, which were a little empty and a bar with stools around. The place had a good atmosphere, one of those that people go there to meet and chat with friends, in the background there was a kind of pop song that she wasn't sure if she knew or not.

He slowly approached the bar and sat down on one of the stools. A woman with several tattoos appeared behind the counter and came to serve her.

- Good night! How can I serve you?- she asked with a smile.

- Good night... Hm... Maybe a martini? - Y/n said taking a look at the drinks on the shelf behind the attendant.

- Okay, I'll be back with your order, anything else?

- That's it for now, thanks. - She replied smiling and the attendant walked away.

Y/n kept looking around, watching people, maybe looking for some inspiration. Something that would turn the key in his mind. Many who were there were in groups of friends and were talking animatedly, laughing. Some young and some older, in suits and ties, perhaps coming out of work.

Until one guy in particular caught her attention. He wore the black uniform with the name of the place, with an apron tied around the waist of the same color, and was picking up some glasses from some empty tables. He had dark brown hair slicked back and eyes the same color, very expressive and large. A boy's face from the outside, but on the inside had a mysterious and confident air.

He balanced a tray full of things with an greatest skill in one hand and smiled at some people, he seemed charming because everytime he left a table he left people whispering and giggling embarrassed behind his back.

He walked over and entered the bar placing the tray behind the counter, came close to the other attendant who already had the Y/n martini ready and she could hear him talking, soon realizing he had a perfect accent.

- Sally, you can leave it to me, go take your break. Whose martini is it?- he asked taking a look around.

- Oh thank you, my feet are killing me. It's the girl over there. -she said indicating Y/n with her head and he looked at her, making Y/n realize that she was staring at him for too long, so she looked away embarrassed.

- Okay. - he said looking at where Y/n was sitting and stopped in front of her with the glass. - Good night miss, here is your order. - He spoke with a british accent. Only at that moment did Y/n realize that his accent was well loaded and God only knows how much she loved that accent.

- Oh yes, thank you very much. - She said raising her eyes to look at him and smiled then he blinked with one of his eyes and gave her one more look, before going to deliver another order to a man who was sitting a few benches away.

Y/n felt a shiver all of a sudden, that boy had made her legs a little weak and she didn't really know why. I mean, he was handsome, very handsome and he had a special charm, but it wasn't that much, was it? Maybe it was because it had been a while since she'd dated anyone. When was the last time? Two months ago? Since she had moved in she hadn't gone out with anyone, she had locked herself in her apartment and was writing like crazy. She didn't have time to go out, not even with her friends when she was working on a new book. Which brought them dissatisfaction from time to time, not just because she didn't hang around with them, but because she didn't even go out on one-night stands.

She never been the one that going out with a guy just for sex, she had to have some good first dates and maybe she would take him to see her apartment or go to his apartment. Friends of hers thought she was too old in her spirit, but what can he do? If she couldn't be bad girl once in a while. For a moment she thought, "For this english guy I would be" but shook her head away from the thoughts. She went back to analyzing him, dammit why did he have to be so fit? She could see that the T-shirt he was wearing highlighted his muscles that were only left to her imagination, she found herself biting her lip a bit and snatching her martini off the counter, taking a big sip.

The attendant approached again, drying some glasses with a towel, and took one more look in her direction where she looked away quickly making him smirk. He stopped in front of her again, bracing her arms on the counter, making her swallow hard. He didn't know why she was so nervous, he was just a guy, no biggie.

- I like the shirt. - He pointed with a smile, which made her think he had a beautiful and endearing smile. She looked down and then looked at him smiling too.

- Thank you... Ramones is everything... - she said and drank the last sip of her drink placing the empty glass in front of her right after. - Can you serve one more?

- Sure...- he said, still smiling, took the bottle and filled his glass again. - Trying to distract yourself on a thursday night?

- Yeah... you could say yes... - she said taking another sip. - Have you worked here for a long time?

- In fact, it's been almost six months since I moved to the United States and I've been working here for four months. -he said putting the towel that was in his hand on his shoulder.

- Hm... You're from London?

- I am, wow how did you find out? - he asked raising an eyebrow playfully and she smiled.

- Yeah, your accent really doesn't give out anything ... - she said and he gave a low laugh making her have more goose bumps.

- You also have a different accent, have you lived here for a long time? - he didn't know who she was, which was good. But it also wasn't like she was recognized all the time, despite her face being on magazine covers, she was still a writer, so she was only recognized by those who liked to read or who vaguely remembered her face.

- I was born in Brazil actually, but I've lived here for years, lived in another city for almost five years and now I've decided to come to Los Angeles two months ago...

- I see ... - he said organizing some drinks that were on the counter. - Do you like it here?

- More or less... It's a busy city, isn't it?

- Yeah, it's not for anyone. - He said shrugging. - I like it, I like the rush, but the glamor part really isn't me. - the attendant said and she smiled.

- You're right... I mean, I don't like the glam too much either... - She looked away at her nails.

- What do you work with? - he asked and she looked at him again.

- I'm a writer...

- Nice! What do you write? - He asked curious looking at her with attention.

- I write horror and thriller books.

- Interesting... I would never read, actually I'm not much of a reader anyway, but I wouldn't, because I'm terrified of those things. - He said crossing his arms and she laughed.

- Oh, it's not that terrifying, it's just stories. - She said leaning her elbows on the counter.

- Still, I prefer to have my good night's sleep intact. - He said and she laughed making him smile looking at her.

When she was about to say something, a customer signaled for him and he excused himself going towards the man who was furthest away.

Y/n sighed. She still didn't have any new ideas about her story, but she was entertained by that conversation. She liked not being recognized, she liked him not being interested in her books, for a moment she felt oblivious to anything, liked feeling disconnected from her world.

He returned shortly after and they started talking again. They talked about bands, movies, superficial celebrities and even politics (an important topic in Y/n's vision, who was very firm with her ideas, thankfully he had passed the test). She found out that he was the same age as her and that he moved to the US to look for something that would give him money or a perspective on life, ended up getting that job and intended to stay until he found a different area. The hours passed and they kept finding subjects to give their opinion or questions to ask each other.

- Did you go to college? - she asked after a while.

- No, I don't think I'm smart enough for that, or have the patience. What about you?

- Everyone is smart enough. I started going to business school, but I dropped out when my books started to pay off...

- Wow, your books should give you a good amount of money to be able to drop out of college and dedicate yourself to them...

- Yeah... You could say that. - She shrugged.

- You know looking at you closer like that...- he said getting a little closer and she held her breath for a moment. - I've seen you somewhere...

- Really? - She said raising her eyebrow and drinking from a straw, now with a different drink.

- I don't know, you're not strange to me... - he said putting his hand on his face thoughtfully.

- Well, I hope it's from somewhere nice. - She smiled and he smiled back looking at her. - Do you have a girlfriend or are you married? - Y/n asked and regretted a little, what was she thinking? He wasn't married, as he didn't have a ring on his finger as she'd noticed. But what was her intention by asking that question? She didn't even know, she just knew it had escaped her.

- Neither darling. - He replied smiling a little mischievously and she felt butterflies with the way he called her by that nickname and with that accent. - How about you?

- Neither ... - She replied avoiding looking at him, those eyes hypnotized her and she didn't like to feel at his mercy of a guy she had just met. She took the cell phone disguising but paid attention to the time. - My God, it's already 2:00 in the morning! I completely missed the time.

- I think the company ended up distracting you. - He said still not taking his eyes off her and she felt her cheeks heat up.

- Yeah, the chat was really good... But I have to go... - she said getting up.

- If you wait I can take you home, I'm already leaving, the bar is already closing. - he said and Y/n looked around seeing that some waiters were already collecting some things from the tables.

She thought for a moment, take a ride home with him? It didn't make sense, she had just met him, but at the same time she had enjoyed talking to him so much. He didn't seem like a bad person, but even so you would never know for sure. At the same time she never took any chances, why not let that pretty boy take her home? Finally, she thought: you know what? Screw this.

-Erm, ok...- She shrugged. - I'll go to the cashier to pay and wait for you outside?

- No need to pay darling, it's on me. - He spoke winking and she smiled.

- Oh no, I'll pay no problem...

- Your company has paid off your debt, it's ok. - He replied and she took a deep breath rolling her eyes.

- If you insist...- she said giving up.

He came out from behind the counter and motioned for her to follow him, arriving at the front door where the security was.

- Tuwaine, you can let her pass, it's on me. - He told the big guy and he looked at the english man, sawing his eyes suspiciously and smiling right away. Making Y/n laugh inside.

- Meet you outside? It will only take a few minutes - the attendant said and she nodded, leaving in the cold night.

She leaned against the door with her thoughts. She had come here just to get inspiration and to have her creative back, but she was coming home with an english guy. She didn't even recognize herself anymore, but to say she wasn't anxious (in a good way) was a lie.

She was lost in her thought, until minutes later he came out wearing a denim jacket, which made him look even more handsome.

- Let's go? - He said and she followed him to an old car parked right in front of the bar.

He opened the door for her to get in and she thanked him by sitting in the passenger seat, pulling on her seat belt as he closed the door. He sat down next to her right away, also putting on his belt.

- Hey, before we go: I didn't ask for your name! If you're going to take me home at least I have to know that- she asked realizing that she didn't even know that yet and he looked towards her smiling.

- Tom Holland. - He said stretching his hand. - Nice to meet you.

- Y/n Y/l/n- she said, squeezing his hand. And you can't deny that she felt butterflies in her stomach as she felt her skin on hers.

- Your name is not strange to me, I must have read it in one of your books in some shop window. - He said starting and leaving with the car.

- Yeah, who knows ... - she said and he turned on the radio leaving the volume low.

They were exchanging a few words until she indicated that they had arrived at the building where she lived. Tom parked and looked up in a daze.

- Wow, you really have money... - he said and she took off her belt turning towards him.

- A little bit...- she replied crossing her arms. - Well, thank you so much for the ride...

- You're welcome darling. - He said turning his eyes to her. Again that nickname that sounded perfect on his lips.

She turned around, but when she was about to open the door, she turned back to Tom, who was leaning with one hand on the steering wheel and watching her with attention. The next words escaped her again and she was afraid she'd regret it.

- Tom, do you want to come in? - She spoke still holding the door and the boy smiled.

- Sure ... - he said taking the key from the ignition and she shook her head slightly leaving.

He followed her and they entered the building. Tom looked at everything admired which made Y/n smile a little to herself. They entered the elevator and she pressed the penthouse button causing him to raise an eyebrow.

- You really must be a great writer. - he said and she laughed.

He leaned his back against the elevator wall, putting his hands in his pocket and looking her up and down, making her shy. He kept looking at her and it was making her nervous.

They were silent until the elevator opened after a while and they got out. Y/n put a password on the door and it swung open with a small click, she took held the latch and motioned for Tom to enter.

After the two of them entered she closed the door again behind her and watched Tom standing further on, looking around.

- Nice apartment...- he finally said.

- Thank you... - She leaned against the table at the entrance. She didn't know what to do next, maybe it had been a bad idea to bring him here. Why was she so impulsive that night? -Tom, I don't know why I invite you in, sorry...-she said a little nervous looking at her feet. He turned towards her, approaching and stopping in front of her.

- Are you sure you don't know? - He asked and she raised her head, seeing those brown eyes. She bit her bottom lip watching him closely. Damn he knew how to hypnotize her. He took another step and placed a hand on either side of her on the table, cornering her - Your body says otherwise, love... - he said softly feeling her breath hitch slowly and approaching his face to hers, alternating the look of your eyes to her lips. Y/n found another nickname that was perfect when he say.

He finally closed the distance by pressing his lips to hers. His lips were soft and warm, as if they were meant to be kissed. She returned the kiss willingly and when she laced her fingers in his neck, he licked her lower lip slowly asking for passage in which she opened them letting his tongue explore her mouth.

His hands gripped her waist and roamed her body greedily. As he kissed her, he caught her from behind her legs and sat her down on the entrance table, biting her bottom lip shortly after, provoking a low moan from her. He smiled against her lips and trailed kisses to her neck, attacking her skin with desire, making her throw her head back a little.

She grabbed his hair and pulled him back so she could kiss him. Which he gladly reciprocate. His kiss was urgent, but without being rude, he tasted like mint, making her want him even more.

His fingers found the button of her pants and he undid them quickly pulling them out, tossing them aside. When he came back he took her calf and kissed her leg up to her thighs, making her sigh. He moved up the kisses until he caught the hem of her shirt and pulled it up a little, kissing her stomach as well. Y/n didn't know what to do but feel goose bumps with every touch he gave. He then hiked up her shirt and she lifted her arms where he pulled her off, tossing along with her pants that were also on the floor.

She was just wearing her underwear in front of him, it made her a little excited and embarrassed at the same time, but the way he looked at her made her feel confident. He went back to kissing her body, this time kissing each covered breast in turn and reaching for the back of her bra and opening it. She helped him out tosiing to the side and he stood between her legs just watching her for a second, making her feel her cheeks heat up.

- Perfect... - he said with a low voice, as it was for himself and bent down to her breasts kissing each one of her nipples and then sucking them deliciously. Y/n moaned and bit her lip to keep her moans from getting louder, tangling her fingers in his hair again. He looked into her eyes for a few seconds and smiled slightly lowering his kisses to where she wanted him most.

He reached the hem of her panties and pulled them out slowly, kneeling between her legs and she looked at him with expectation. He returned the look and gave that smirk again.

- Look at you darling.... - That damn nickname. - Extremely wet and I haven't even touched you yet... - he said approaching and devouring her right away making her throw her head back with pleasure, biting her lips again to not sound so pathetic with her moans that insisted in wanting get out. - Oh, please don't drown out those wonderful sounds you make, I want to hear how good I'm making you feel. - He said in a husky tone, returning to his task after and she parted her lips letting her moans spread through the apartment.

****************************************************************************************

Y/n woke up the other day in her bed. She didn't even know how she got there, she just had flashes of the night before and how good she felt in each moment. She stretched and looked to the side seeing she was alone. She got up and put on a robe who was on the side of the bed.

After going to the bathroom and doing her morning hygiene routine she walked around the apartment looking around to see if Tom was somewhere else in the house, but found nothing. Which was understandable, it wasn't like she expected him to stay there and have breakfast with her and all.

She arrived in the kitchen and made black coffee and lean against the countertop. What that simple waiter had done to her was ridiculous, in a good sense, she felt great and kept remembering that accent that was stuck in her mind. He had consumed her in a way she had never imagined it she could be.

Taking a deep breath she set down turning her notebook on. Then opened her book and started writing.

#tom holland #tom holland smut #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #bartender!tom #waiter!tom #tom holland x famous!reader #bartender!tom x writer!reader #tom holland series

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anonymous-swiftie · 4 years ago

Text

If you are on twitter, please retweet this:

https://twitter.com/ASwiftie00/status/1334245577933148164?s=19

Dear #Swifties,

I'm new on tumblr, and I really don't know how to use it.

I know you are the best supporters of the music industry and I'm here to ask your help.

I'm fighting with a crippling depression, that due this covid situation just got worse.

I'm at my lowest, I truly don't know if I will make it through this time.

I always dreamed to talk to Taylor, since I was a teenager. She is the only one that make me feel like I do fit in this world.

I've created this account because I know she is very active here, and I'm trying to reach her with this part of my story.

You can read everything below.

I didn't write any personal information because I don't want this to be seen by my family or somebody that can recognise me.

I don't want upset anyone.

I know that everyone hope to meet or chat with her, and so you are probably wondering why you have to share this here.

You're totally right, maybe it's a stupid idea to ask you this, but I haven't anything left in my pocket to fight this situation, and you're my only hope right now.

Thank you.

#taylor #swift

*******************************************

Dear Taylor,

I keep writing and deleting this, over and over again.

I feel so dumb to write my personal story here, but this truly is my last chance to feel better and try to overcome this giant monster called depression.

I genuinly don't know if I can make it through this year. It's the worst period of my entire life and i don't even know if it's worth living this hell anymore.

I know you have millions of supporters (that probably write you every single day, and they are all better fans than I am, that's for sure) but I know that you proved, time after time, to be so down to earth and to use your time to read your fans messages.. so, in this moment, I'm just trying to share a part of my story with you.

You are the one that make feel understood, since I was like 13teen.

I'm so sorry if my English isn't very good but I'll do my best.

I'm not very active on social media , because I'm very shy when I have to talk about myself.. but If this could work, I must do it.

I will try to send a letter, If I can find the strength to mark this feeling on paper.

**IF I'M WRITING TO SOMEBODY FROM HER STAFF, PLEASE JUST LET THIS MESSAGE REACH TAYLOR**

I'll try now to resume, because I don't want to bother you too much.

This has been a crazy year so far, and the all the time I spent by myself during the lockdown didn't help at all.

This situation brought me back to childhood.

I spent a lot of my days back and forth in hospitals, due to my allergies.

I had to wear a mask all the time I wanted to go outside to avoid severe allergic reaction (that's why this Covid thing awakened some hurting memories)

I didn't have real friends back then, 'cause I've spent most of the summers at home, watching other kids playing around, from my window, or from the windows of my classroom.

It was so hard to make new friends, because the only thing that other kids saw was my mask.

I was the masked kid.

I was the strange kid.

I couldn't play with them.

Everytime I tried to play with them, the only thing I heard was "oh you are ill , I don't wanna be like you so stay away".

This situation made me start to write things in my personal diary.

I wrote small sentences, as a kid, and that was the only thing I could do alone inside an empty classroom during all summer.

This situation continued for many years.

I wasn't the cool kid before, I wasn't the cool guy after.

The only things that let me enjoy those days were writing and listening to your songs.

I started to listen to your music thanks to my English teacher. She was a fan of folk and country music and she gave me a pic in which you were singing near a lake (I still have that photo somewhere, I strongly remember the white banner with your name written in red on it) and told me to listen to the cd she gave me that day.

I immediately fell in love (I think I still have a crush on you, I'm sorry).

I loved your album. I loved your voice. I loved the lyrics.

I remember having a "test" in school: each one of the class had to write their favourite lyrics and let the others guess the song.

If the someone guessed It, We could play the cd.

I chose Love Story and I translated it in Italian.

The class guessed the song, and I played it.

After the lunch break I went back to my desk and I saw some bullies that were breaking my cd-album and they started to laugh at me because I loved your music an I loved writing poems.

I was a boy so I was a loser because I enjoyed those things.

That felt terrible, but I continued to love your songs even more .

Those were my inspiration to write and to study english.

I felt so good when I listened to your album and this still happens.

Then I went to a private high-school.

Nothing changed, I still was the nerd guy that always got good grades and I have to say that the first year was quite good, but the second year was the start of the apocalypse.

I choose that school because two girls that I knew from childhood went there.

One of the cool new guys started to spread a fake "news" about me.

He said to everyone that I was the boyfriend of one of the two girls that I mentioned before.

So he was the cool guy and one of the girls believed him and told me to f*** myself.

The other girl was her best friend, so you could imagine by what happened next.

After 14 year spent together, I was nobody.

I didn't have "friends" in that class anymore.

I didn't say hello to anybody for 4 years, and nobody would say anything to me.

Nobody to talked with me.

That's great when you're a teenager.

I hated to wake up every morning.

I had an eating disorder, I lost like 22pounds in less than a month. Got hospitalized twice. I kept vomiting for 3 years, every single morning before school.

During that time I only talked with one of my cousins, who lived like 2 hours by car from me.

He was older than me but he always tried to help.

He knew that I loved to write poems so he started to give me guitar lessons.

I made it through a lot of things thanks to him.

I'm sorry, It's hard for me to write this part of the story.

I still get emotional when I think about this.

On the 10TH of December 2013 (some days after his birthday) we received a phone call from his mother: She warned us that he didn't return home after the last working shift.

I wrote a message to him like 3 hours prior to that phone call.

Never had the opportunity to get a reply again.

This year is the seventh year that he is missing.

That destroyed me.

I felt empty.

I felt like nothing couldn't help me.

I still feel that everytime I care about someone in my life, it will disappear someday.

This have happened several other times.

You know when ignorants say that men don't cry, is real bullshit. Men cry. I cried a lot.

I wrote so many poems , lyrics, thoughts in that period of time, that I destroyed my hands.

That was the only way to close my eyes and let me reach another reality because the real one was way too much for me.

Be a sensible man in this world is somehow a curse.

All these things made me afraid even to hug someone 'cause I feel I'm too ugly or just to scared to be refused.

I will stop here my story, but there's so much more to tell.

I make it through all of these things and memories because I keep dreaming that one day I could meet you and we could talk together.

Dreaming about the fact I could spend a day with you made me find the power to battle my depression.

I'm 25 now and this year I'm not dreaming anymore.

I was going to start again university, I wanted to get a degree in marketing and have the chance to live in the us.

For years I believed that I would make it and hopefully be part of your marketing team.

I'm so stupid. All these years I kept dreaming to avoid pain.

I wanted to pursue my passion and continue to write lyrics but all I was doing was putting myself in unrealistic realities.

This covid situation made everything clear.

When everyone had someone to facetime (or video call) I was alone.

When everyone had someone asking them "how are you?" I only had myself looking in the mirror saying: "Will I ever feel better?"

I've never been the one for anybody, and I think I'll never be.

I won't be the one among all your fans to realize his dream.

Nobody likes me, and I'm exposing myself once again just because I want the opportunity to smile at something that could happen to me.

I'm tired to smile only for others best moments.

I've always seen the sun through a window.

I want to feel happy.

I want to burn my face with the sun.

I'm so sick of hiding my pain,

sick to cry when I'm alone in my car before going to work,

sick to let my eyes rain on my pillow every night.

I'm sick to say to my mother that I'm fine, just because I don't want to make her feel bad.

It's not her fault.

She is battling with a degenerative autoimmune disease, why I should put other weight on her shoulders?

I didn't give up to my weakness before because I don't want to hurt her.

I always say to her that soon she will feel better, that's why your song It's stuck in my head.

But when she won't be here anymore, how I can go through all of that?

I don't even know if will ever get better for me.

Will this pain ever stop?

Sometimes it's so hard to live and so easy to die.

Hope that my dream to spend some time with you can become true.

Thank you for everything, you gave me the strength to go on for many years.. But this time is so hard to put on my armor and continue this battle.

But is this even worth if thy I try to surround myself with people and I always feel lonely?

@taylorswift @taylornation @jackleopards-thedolphinclub

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