#but when i put in my application for the passport it was in a very critical time slot

[sinterblackwell]

me getting an email that my package was delivered so i happily skip down the stairs because i figured it was the special edition of mdzs that i preordered online, only to see a very flat parcel on the front porch that definitely isn’t a book. maybe it’s the extra fanart associated with tthe special edition that just came in before the book??? MAYBE??

it’s labeled with a message that says “extremely urgent” so it’s something important, but i didn’t order express delivery for this book…..what else can it be then?? it has my name on it so let me just open it and se—

MY PASSPORT(?(?)))?/)/€:&,&:8:829292915161

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Personally, I don't think Harry has gone for the spouse visa/green card route yet. Simply because his entitlement, and Meghan's entitlement, about his royal status would not allow them to show Harry as being dependent on Meghan in any way

They would both, much rather prefer to lord it over people, family, governments (both UK and US) that he is royal, the kings son (late queens grandson) and hence very very imp in his own right.

Also, the paperwork and forethought required to submit a greencard application means that both harry and meghan would need to do a lot of work - fill out applications, gather documents, aquire and submit bank data, proof of dates, proof of financials, taxation etc - all of which they are both incapable of doing. Not to mention that their narcissistic discordered tendencies would make them think this is below them.

(I know we can't actually diagnose them, but this is Tumblr, not CNN, and as a psychologist I know that filling out paperwork is the absolutebane of an NPD persons existence. These little quirks of the NPD are not talked about much but they are nearly universally observed.)

Another issue would be hiring an immigration lawyer for the spouse visa. The expenses and the process of actively listening to what the lawyers says is required procedure would put HnM on the backfoot and hate the process.

I have assumed that Harry is either on -

1). A1 Visa - diplomatic/head of state/official representative of a country

Or

2). O1 Visa - specialized skilled worker/Einstein visa given to artists, actors, models, investors in specialized fields, highly skilled academicians, persons contracted by a sponcer for a special skill etc

Now, there is some evidence to support both these. So I'll list those reasons and my conclusions from those below.

Option 1.- A1 visa

Harry moved to US in March 2020, just before pandemic. Most people focus on this, but forget that when the couple moved they both were still, officially, Full Time working royals for the BRF and embarking on the 1 year trial period to see how things pan out for them. This trial period lasted till March 2021, upon the conclusion of which the BRF promptly officially announced there demotions. So, they were working royals when they moved to US, albeit on a leave of absence.

So, what does that mean? That his (and her) diplomatic status was still intact. They did their last royal engagement for the UK in mar 2020, but they hadn't retired. Hadn't resigned. His royal patronages, commonwealth role etc were only taken back in 2021. Both parties had agreed to a separation period till then.

Another factor is that they had already asked Canada to provide him (them) with full time security, ie., treat him like a full fledged royal. But Canada said only till March 2020, and not after that. Trudeau actually released a statement about this.

So this tells me that they (may have). actually asked for full time royal treatment ie., security and diplomatic status for the trial period lasting upto March 2021 and were told no.

(I think that's what Harry means when he says the BRF took away his security, I thiy he means that the BRF pricipals personally prevailed upon Trudeau and made him refuse security)

So Harry's only option was to take his fancy diplomatic status passport, hope on a private jet and fly to LA without telling anyone.

People think this was because the lockdowns were imminent. But I think it was also timed in a way that they were out of Canada before the promised security period expired.

After this, during pandemic, Harry consistently did nonsensical "commonwealth" related zoom calls. Till the president/head/chairperson of the CW youth org (I forgot who exactly but one of main people of the org) publicly distanced themselves in late 2020.

Another thing that was odd was that Trump official said he will not be giving the couple security. Which means that his govt was asked, maybe repeatedly asked and Harry made his case, till the time Trump had to release a statement saying he won't. Makes me think, Harry made his case using his A1 status. Because otherwise, if he was there as a private citizen, this request was absurd and the govt would dismissed this without a second thought. But if they had permitted someone to enter based on their A1 status as representative of a head of state, they had weigh the pros and cons of this request and it could have caused a potential diplomatic incidence. So the president himself had to be face of this decision.

(this is irrespective of anyones thoughts about who the president was, or what kind of person the president may or may not have been. This was an executive decision)

So,

All this leads me to speculate that Harry initially, and until end of 2021 at least, made use of his status as a representative of the head of status, which he already officially had, and was on paper, to enter the US.

The duration of permit of this initial stay could have been 2 or 3 years. So, 2022. Or 2023, when curiosly, Heritage Foundation suddenly took interest in the status of his visa.

Option 2 - O-Visa

This is a bit funny and farfetched, but I think Harry could also have entered on his British passport, which allows a stay upto 6 months (tourist visa). And then applied for O- Visa status a couple of months later.

By June 2020 Harry had forged some sort of investment+partnership with Betterup. This likely involved an initial investment into the company. For enterpreneurs and/investors into a US based company, a minimum investment of 250k or 500k is required to be shown. If he did this, then Betterup could have easily sponcered his application and he could used his very imp, very skilled, very unique position as CHIMPO as a means to get a visa.

A lawyer and the company could have helped him. Plus his high profile status due to his work as a philanthropists, patron of various international organisations etc would definitely be an asset as it is proof and documentation of his years of work.

We may laugh and debate about the "quality" of his work all his life but when it comes to govt paperwork, this is still documented proof. And it's verifiable. So, noone is going to get into the nitty gritty of it, and getting a stamp is easy for him.

Another avenue could have been that he was immediately listed as a high in demand, much sought after international speaker or much renown. He did a couple of onscure, forgettable speaker gigs. But that's all he would need for proof.

He was also listed as the executive producer for oprahs documentary, he was earning his producer certification and the Apple documentary was under production.based on that, he could have applied for an O-visa and it would have been approved.

The duration of stay for O-visa status is 3 years at a time, after which you have to apply again for the visa. It is not eligible for renewal. All paperwork and applications have to be submitted again and will be scrutinized as new.

Let's assume he applied 2/3 months after initial entry, so that's June. His application would have been approved by July end Aug latest. (this is based on my personal experience with the same visa, in this the same time period).

With COVID restrictions, he gets approved but doesn't have to immediately go back to his home country to get it stamped at immigration. I got mine stamped end of 2021 from my country. Till then I stayed in US and worked. So he could have stamped his in April 2021 when he went back for his grandfather's funeral.

If he got his O-visa in 2020, then it would expire in 2023. This is the time heritage foundation started creating a fuss about his visa.

Now, with all of that, an important question we need to ask is- why did the heritage foundation start their crusade in 2023?

This could be because Harry's first visa stay (likely) expired in 2023 and he reapplied for a visa. And was (most likely) approved for the same type of visa again. This process would have gone quite smoothly with Harry's pull. But this second time it is quite clear that he got special treatment. And the heritage foundation wants to expose this special treatment.

Orr more likely, someone in the know tipped them off, and wants this exposed for whatever reason. I DO NOT think the BRf want this exposed, I don't think they care.

I do think someone in the US govt or maybe even a journalist wants to make a big deal out of this. And rightly so.

Anyway, that's my dissertation on Harry's visa. I don't think it matters to anyone outside of Tumblr, but I do feel his entitlement is mind-boggling and he should be held accountable for the person that he is. And if this visa issue is what does it, then so be it.

It is based on my personal experience with these 2 types of visas. And my theoretical and observed knowledge about how entitlement is one of the driving forces for most classical NODs. But the reality for him may be different. And you Rumour, being a fed, would probably know more and know better.

*********

I agree with you. I’ve been reading up about the visa issues (and also spoke to a few other fed friends).

I think Harry is here on an O-1 visa, for extraordinary/outstanding talent. Meghan doesn’t seem invested enough into the marriage to be willing to do the paperwork so if he’s here on a spousal visa, a lawyer would’ve done the paperwork. Additionally, I can see the financial requirements being a major concern for the BRF; the BRF goes to a great length to protect their financial information from other countries and the general public. They’re not going to let the US (no matter how special the relationship) take a peek at their books. So I suspect they squashed the idea of a spousal visa unless it was done *exclusively* on Meghan’s own savings/net worth. Which she balked at doing because it implies she’s financially responsible for Harry and that’s not what she signed up. She signed up to spend Charles’s money. Not her own. So that’s off the table.

Next is the diplomatic visa. Harry doesn’t actually have a diplomatic passport. He has a regular passport. He may have had a second passport for work that he traveled on UK business for, but he never had diplomatic status in the BRF; only The Queen and Charles did.

And that’s something government officials are really strict about, that people travel on official business use official papers. Officials traveling on personal business use personal papers. Or, that’s how it works here in the US. Not sure about the UK.

Now for Harry to have come to the US on a diplomatic passport for a diplomatic visa, he would have had to present his credentials for being here, and those credentials would have explained clearly and succinctly what he was in the US for and what official business he had with us. They would’ve looked into it.

So I don’t think he’s here on a A/diplomatic visa. Or perhaps not anymore, when it was made clear following the one-year Megxit review that he no longer represents the UK or works on behalf of The Queen/BRF.

Which leaves the O visa, for talent. But I don’t think it’s Better Up. I think it’s Invictus Games. Not only would it explain why they still stick with Harry despite all the expenses and criticism they cost the Foundation. And that’s what Harry is known for, outside of the BRF - his military support and support for veterans. It would also explain why Harry continues to try so hard to collaborate with the US military and warfighter community. Because he needs the military to support his visa.

Maybe it’s transferred to Better Up now since he seems to do more work for them.

As to why the government is trying so hard to keep his visa papers buried? I think they know we know Harry isn’t qualified to be here on a diplomatic or an O visa, so the BRF greased the wheels a bit in some way, shape, or form to help him get through the system.

But also if he’s here on a O-1 visa connected to Invictus Games, it could imply government or DOD support; if not DOD directly, then close partners or contractors…aka military lobbyists.

So that’s where I am right now.

And fingers crossed this gets posted in full. 🤞

[sofasoap]

Forget me not.

Pairing: König x  f!Reader ( aka Mini MacTavish )

Summary: The bad news you never want to hear, and more. Takes place after Interlude two : Everyone deserves happiness.

Warning: Mature theme. TRIGGER WARNING: gun violence,blood and gore and death.  English isn’t my first language. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

A/N : Character of Mini MacTavish is from @saltofmercury fic “ “The Favorite MacTavish” ” which she graciously let me borrow and write bit more expanded universe. Please go read her wonderful story to get bit of background,

“masterlist” for more prequel to this Mini MacTavish expanded verse.

Staring at the screen, drumming your fingers on the desk. You can't seem to concentrate. You been typing the same sentence for the last thirty minute and making no progress at all. Decided to give up on doing your clinical reports, you dragged yourself into the staff room to make yourself a cup of tea. You been feeling very antsy all day, it's a bad sign. Everytime you feel very fidgety nothing good came out from it. Last time it was Johnny declared MIA , your poor Ma cried her heart out until him and Ghost was found a month later, alive but worse for wear.

Your thought gone back to the boys again. It has been seven weeks since they left for their mission. There had been zero contact from them, but you weren't surprised. There have been times they will be silent for weeks until just before they return home. But this time it's different. Senses are tingling. Mindlessly stirring your cup, you saw the HR manager walking by. Doing a double take when they saw you in the staff room, " Oh Mini, I was on my way to find you. Your emergency leave application has been approved." They informed you. You frowned. What leave? You weren't planning any holiday until Christmas. Your phone went off at the same time. Unknown number. You answered it after hesitating for a split second, " Hello MacTavish here." " ... Mini." The deep distinctive Manchester accent. "... Simon?" " Go home now, pack your bag. Soap will be waiting for you in one hour. Don't forget your passport." and he hung up immediately. " Wait wh... UGh". Sculling down your tea, you rush towards the locker room and grabbed your bag, not bothering to get changed you drove home as fast as you can. Throwing all the necessary stuff into the duffle bag, you send Emma a text explaining your haste departure, you heard a car pulling up in front of your flat. Seeing your brother's face , you hurryingly lock the door and throw your bag into the boot. Giving Johnny a quick kiss on the face, you bombard him with questions while he drive off towards the airport. "Johnny, what the hell is going on?, Is that a bruise on your face??? Ah Jesus did you get shot as well??!!" You reach out trying to touch him, he swat your hands away. " Ah I'm fine stop fussing. We going on next flight to Germany." He didn't elaborate further. " Who put my leaves in?" " Price managed to pull few strings. Your boss wasn't too overly impressed but a word from the high up shut them up pretty quick." You sunk back into the seat. You doubt you will get anymore answer out from him until reaching the destination. The rest of your trip was spent mostly in silence. You can see Johnny is trying to hide something. He is never good at holding secrets from you. Always can tell by his body language.

Gaz was there to pick you two up from the airport. He tries to make little chit chat with you during the car ride to... somewhere? This got you confused even more. Aren't the boys on a long term mission? " Where is Simon and Uncle Price?" "At the hospital." Soap interjected. " OH Gosh something happened to them?" " No they are fine. Don't you worry."

" Why isn't anyone telling me anything????" Gaz pulled into what looks like military hospital car park, everyone got off and he gave you a sympathetic look. As you walk further into the hospital wing, you starting to put two and two together. Johnny is here, Gaz is here, Simon and Price is fine... so that leaves... König. " Where is König?" Both Gaz and Soap stop on their track. They look at each other. Soap is getting agitated, he couldn't tell his sister the truth of this visit. He couldn't. He felt guilty. He felt responsible for what happened. " Mini... Look.." " MINI." As Gaz open his mouth to explain. Ghost appeared. You ran towards your adopted big brother and pull him into a tight hug. He return your hug and proceed to lead the group to one of the private ward, tucked away in the deepest part of the hospital. Putting his hand on the door knob, pausing for a moment, before opening it. You see Price sitting on the chair in the corner who gave you a wave as soon as he saw you, and you turn your attention to the person currently lying on the hospital bed, with all the tubes and machine attached. It's your big teddy bear, the love of your life. König. Your mind goes blank, body started to shake. Soap came up beside you and pull you in with one arm. " He's been in coma for about a week or so now. Doctor said he is in critical but stable condition. I am sorry Mini... It... It was my fault.. I should have been more aware .. " " Don't fully take the blame Johnny." Ghost sighed. " We weren't too sure what was going to happen." He patted your head. It's something he started doing lately to comfort you. " You shouldn't even be here really. Someone owed Price a huge favour, so we manage to get you here without problem." You glance at Price with gratitude. The boys left you alone with some privacy while four of them have left the hospital for military related business, but promise you one of them will take turn to stay with you during the time of your stay. You put your bag in the corner of the room, out of the way and pulled a chair in so you can sit closer to him. He look so pale. There are still some bruises on the side of his face where he took some sort of hit. Lifting your hand you run your fingers through his hair, gently down his face. Tears starting to drop. Leaning your head on his big hand, the gentle hand you love so much and cried yourself to sleep. The boys were true to their words, They take turn in shifts to stay with you. Gaz usually try to have little chit chat with you, Johnny and you usually bickers about stuff, Both you and Price sits there silently, him going through his mission files and reports, while you do some administration work on your laptop. Simon just sit there and read books. It's not until one morning about a week into your visit, Gaz has ducked out and grabbed some coffee for both of you, you notice his hand twitched a little, and he is stirred awake. Blinking his eyes few times, getting use to the bright light, he slowly turned his head. He sense your presence. His eyes met yours with a piercing look, you sense something wasn't quite right. There was no love, let alone recognition in his stare. You shrink back a little, feeling like a prey being assessed by its hunter. The next three words that came out from his mouth next made your heart shattered. " WHO are you."

[nycnomad]

We went to California for my work trip, and it really was great leaving from our little airport with its 7 gates down here in Florida. (I didn't get groped by TSA!) We spent 4 days in Napa, visiting the vineyards where we're members, drinking so much great wine, and eating so much great food, then my work event went great, and then we went back home to NYC for two weeks for Thanksgiving with my husband's family and to see all of our friends.

It was a little peek into what our life might be like if we lived in Florida full-time and just went back to NYC now and then. We went to our usual bar trivia and some movies at our favorite theater, but then I also went to a 2 Michelin star $700pp tasting menu with one of my co-workers (work paid, don't worry!) and we went to one of the holiday markets with my husband's sister who was in town from Poland. So, partly everyday things and partly NYC-specific things! I'm a little jealous of our friends back there hanging out without us, but I'm also very happy right now to not have any social responsibilities and to be able to eat a little lighter and focus a little on my YouTube channel (that's been growing!).

Anyway, I was inspired to post because I woke up this morning and the sun was shining in through the balcony doors, and I stood in front of them and watched the ocean waves hit the beach as I put on some pajama pants. And I love waking up in my NYC apartment, too, but there's something special about walking around with no pants with my wide open windows and knowing that no one can see me! 🙂

Also, we bought our first-ever air fryer, and because my husband loves a gadget, he's almost exclusively been the one to use it. And because it keeps setting off our smoke alarm, he's been obsessively cleaning it. He does a ton around our house in NYC, but cooking and washing the dishes is usually my domain! It's been a nice break for me.

And one more thing: I need to renew my passport, so yesterday we took my photo and then went to Walmart to get a money order to send with my application, and then we went to Office Depot to print out my application, and then we went to CVS to print out the photo, and then we went to the post office to mail everything. And everywhere we went, people were SO NICE. Employees went out of their way to help us at every store, like they were just INTERESTED in us and doing their jobs. People said hello to us when we walked into the stores. There are of course amazing employees in some NYC stores, but a lot of people act like saying hello to you even when you're literally standing in front of them at their register is just out of the realm of possibility. I don't know if people outside of NYC just have better manners or are just less tired because they don't have to deal with as many customers, but it is REFRESHING.

Okay, enough of my blathering, off to read your posts!

[sketchystalker]

So I've been doing a "scary hour" the past two nights (will reblog the original post again for context) and let me tell you it's worked wonders. I don't set a timer, I just work until it's approximately been an hour or until the task I was focused on is complete. I also listen to a horror movie soundtrack to add a "scary" way to keep me on-task.

Last night, at 2 AM (the scariest hour, and when I have time/motivation to be productive) I went through my email that I hadn't checked in months, sent a couple of follow-up emails, and checked a bunch of important documents and forms I needed for school. I listened to the Kinds of Kindness soundtrack while doing it, because while that isn't a horror movie, the soundtrack is tension-building enough to be horrifying.

And tonight (also at 2 AM), I got my shit together to write a bio I had been putting off and responded to a very important email. So now my school inbox is completely caught up ahead of the new semester, and I'm feeling so relieved. I didn't even have to listen to any scary music because I was too locked in.

I'm planning on continuing my scary hours through this week, so tomorrow I will be researching candidates for the primary election as I have been putting it off for too long, and from there I will finally be finishing my passport application. Will be keeping y'all posted as a way to stay accountable but wow I'm feeling so good right now. Incredible how finishing the tasks that you've been dreading will actually make you feel less dread

[sand-lily]

I JUST GOT MY CoE!!!

(like just now now)

they still didn't tell me when my training date is, where my hotel is, when i can check in to the hotel, or APPARENTLY how long I'll be staying

(my contract says 1 year, but the CoE says 3years,, so idk what to put on the application , if they dont answer by Friday I'll just put 3years, then i wont get in trouble if i do renew the contract but it wont be an issue if i only stay 1 year)

im NOT buying another hotel if i can help it, SO i do wanna know when i can check into the training hotel so i can buy my plane ticket for that day and put that as the arrival date on the application, according to maps and reddit the shinkansen is only a few hours to the city i need to be in from the airport, so im taking that instead of doing a layover in japan,,

so i need to know WHEN i can check in so i can do the math to know WHAT flight to take, and since im technically losing a day across time zones, thats going to be hard for me since normal time math is ALREADY hard for me

i already have the passport photos, i already have the envelopes, i already made the shipping labels (just gotta print them), i already signed the disclaimer (gotta print), I already filled out the application minus those 2 things im not sure about (and gotta print),,

so my plan is to go to the library and print all the stuff at once, and sign it at the library, then go from there to the post office to drop it off, and then from there back home (shit has to be planned when you don't have a car and public transit only comes once every 2hrs)

the CoE is valid for 3 months from tonight, so im HOPING they want me there the last week of june or mid july so i can pack up my apartment, call my bank, get an esim card for my phone company (this is the only phone number I had my WHOLE LIFE and I don't wanna lose it so i MIGHT pay for international data to keep it), take care of my pets, break my lease unfortunately, get a transit card (apparently you can buy them online BEFORE going to Japan and have it shipped to you),

and quit my new job i JUST started last week unfortunately,, ive only done training so i dont even think i can put it on my resume, HOWEVER, i did pass CPR + baby CPR so i can put that on my resume if they have the certificate on file (idk if they filed it yet)...but if i have another month, I'll be able to have childcare IN A SCHOOL experience (asst teaching)

ig i WONT be able to save up to pay off my credit card, or get my hair braided, and i WONT be able to afford business class like i wanted,, i just hope i get a window seat, i WILL NOT sit in the middle if i can avoid it, i also dont want an isle seat just in case i sit next to somebody who doesn't speak English and they feel nervous about asking me to move so they can use the toilet... i really dont wanna talk to ppl like that

i also also need to look for headphones with a type c connector, because i heard those exist,, my Bluetooth headphones dont work very well on airplanes and i MISS wired headphones severely (i WILL NOT take them out of the box until im at the airport tho, i WILL NOT risk losing them before the flight, as i tend to do)

i also also also need to go through my music library and delete the songs i always skip and add in the new ones ive been playing on repeat via YouTube, im NOT paying for plane wifi , i also x3 need to figure out how to download Libby books like PDFs since i cant use libby outside of America and i want to keep reading books on the flight

ig im un-makeovering my apt tomorrow, time to put doors back on hinges and remove contact paper and fill in nail holes and everything,, it took me like 3days to do everything up and i did it with a butter knife instead of a screwdriver, so it should take less time to undo it with my new electric screwdriver ,, i think my sister is going to try and steal my bedframe, shes already laid dibs on the couch

they BETTER NOT charge me ANY fees considering i paid a TRIPLE deposit to move in here without a cosigner and thats the whole point of a deposit

anyways i got a lot to do tomorrow, so i gotta go to bed at a REASONABLE HOUR, NOT 2AM

and if anybody wants to help me pay off my $1400 credit card bill (ive been using it to pay rent and buy groceries since nobody wants to hire me, unemployment is only enough to pay the minimum + my phone bill so i dont get late fees)

here are my PayPal and cashapp,, im not good at art AT ALL, but if yall want commissions for something so that i can earn the money (i can only do traditional art), I'll do that too,, or i can proofread something? creative writing is actually my forte believe it or not

anyways

cashapp: https://cash.app/$firellily

(the pfp is a pic of my cat)

[lotusviper1998]

About me

My preferred names are Hex, Viper and Wesker

Age: 25

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Gender: Male He/Him

Race: American Caucasian

Height: 5'11 and 3/4

Religion: Christian but not too serious

Body Type: Dad Bod/A Little Chubby at the Stomach

Location: Hackettstown, New Jersey, USA

Interests: Gaming and Movies Primarily, especially Resident Evil, Daymare 1998/1994, Alien(s), Predator, DayZ, etc.

I'm also into Reptiles, a little bit of Anime, Cryptids, Folklore, Monsters/The Supernatural and a little bit into Spirituality, predominantly Spirit Animals and Symbols.

I am particularly fond of Snakes/Serpents and Lotus Flowers.

I am into more androgynous and feminine clothing but wear typical men's clothing due to certain family members being old fashioned.

I like Gothic, Spec Ops/Tactical, Western/Southern, Black Leather, and even Pirate type clothing and outfits.

In terms of music I generally prefer soundtracks from games and movies but my taste is generally very random and I do not get interested in specific bands like most people do, what I like is what I like.

I aspire to be a femboy more in the future at some point when the time is right and after I have a good Soft Mommy who loves and accepts me for who I am even with my flaws.

I am on the autism spectrum and I tend to be mistrusting as I have betrayal trauma.

I do want to be able to have a partner who I know that I can trust fully which means my ideal partner should put in effort on her end as well.

I'm not really the best at conversations, I tend to not pick up on hints and social ques and I am unable to read between the lines, being blunt and direct is key with me.

I do require physical contact in order to form a proper emotional attachment and bond.

I also enjoy sex and physical intimacy but moreso for comfort rather than just pleasure, I love to be breastfed and I don't like wearing condoms, I prefer to cum inside a partner.

In terms of kinks I have yet to explore these but I do like CNC, Bondage and obviously Dominant Mommies.

I'm strictly against polyamory and cheating and will not compromise on that.

I am seeking a Soft Mommy/Soft Dominant Mommy for a partner and I would prefer someone who is 30+ a Busty/Curvy BBW and is from the US, Australia, Europe or Asia.

I'm hoping for someone who is willing to travel to me if I end up with someone long distance.

I currently have to wait to get some documents back so I can redo my passport application.

[friedesgreatscythe]

i lost my passport, non driver's id (which was much expired), and did not keep any of my school IDs, which is getting in the way of me applying to the morgue clerk job, which has a cut off date of the 13th, and demands transcripts and an application fee, money i do not have (no this is not me asking for money, no do not give me any). my stepdad is going to set up having me do some filing and organizing for a backlog of data they have, so at least that will be something i have for myself, but i'm just. i dunno what i am. i'm tired, mostly.

i'm also tired because i'm realizing just how much of my mental damage has been shaped by the abuse my mother inflicted on me since i was a child, single digits, and how it was so ingrained in my brain as a template for even non-pathological behaviors that, when i thought about what she did, my brain simply went, "well that can't be abuse, i'm sure other parents try to shove soap in their child's mouth while restraining them," or me and my shrink pinpointing a change in my behavior occurring concurrent with my mother's abusive/traumatic treatment of me and me having absence seizures, to the point where we can look at the report cards i have from elementary school and see teacher comments go from all positive to, "kristin has a bad attitude when criticized, is self-defeating when it comes to math, calls herself stupid, says she can't do it," and it's exhausting on a mental level to be 36 and realize that the first three and a half decades of your life has been shaped with a raw, oozing, hideous wound called mother. the same mother who has only ever wanted to be a good mom, because so much of her adult life has been defined by the fact that she is a mother, likely not something she was always happy to be, but she herself was mistreated and raised in a skewed, damaged way by her mother. i have to do a lot of forgiveness sans an apology or even an admission from her, and that makes me Tired.

having bpd is very very very very very very very tiring. it's heavy.

but at least i have the kittens and the FC and hasanabi videos to watch and the draft i'm putting together and peppermint coffee and the upcoming autumn. little things, and such.

[cosmicblame]

Okay. Long catharsis post just so I can see what I put myself through

(Bonus, this is how you get a passport in the US fast)

Jan 17th- I submitted a passport renewal, paid for expedited processing (at the time was it was estimated at 3-5 weeks)

Feb 10th- check the (v shitty) online portal, and see my materials have just been received. Note somewhere on the website that processing went from 3-5 weeks and grew to 5-7 weeks. They start the clock the day they RECEIVE the materials.

(Flight is March 16th)

Feb 28th- get laid off

March 2nd- call passport hotline to ask what's up... gets through (A MIRACLE as I will learn on this journey). Told to call back tomorrow

March 3rd- call. A fucking uwu woman is all like "you're chill. You need your passport by the 10th because you need a visa?? No problem. It will be there. Seriously. No problems. None. What. So. Ever"

March 8th- the online portal is still working. Indicates "still in process". Takes about 10 calls to get through to an agent. I say "how am I supposed to receive the passport by the 10th if it hasn't shipped yet?" I get yelled at for being naive to believe they can just tell me when I'll get my passport and that's how the system works.

I have the option of an in person appointment March 9th at 10am.

... In Puerto Rico or Monday in Honolulu.

I see if I can make it happen. I can't. Because I gave no new income... and I have no new income because I filed for the half week I worked/was laid-off, and unemployment is now contesting whether I was actually laid off.

[March 9, 10, 13, & 14] I call passport people upwards of 20x a day. Sometimes, it is just broken. Sometimes they're too busy. Sometimes, they tell me there are no in-person appointments.

[During this time my SNAP and Medicaid benefits fall through the bureaucratic cracks of hell.

I stress make an entire outfit, teaching myself pleating for bishop sleeves. I look fly as fuck]

March 9th- portal breaks. Otherwise-known-as: exclusively for anyone who's documents were received the week my documents were received, it just says "NA gov't borked". Weirdly find out my passport is in Tucson. Which is weird because there is an office in Philly.

I freak out. Deep dive on the internet. Read on Reddit that they accept a VERY limited number of walk-ins. But you have to be first. So show up early.

March 10th- Show up in person 1.5 hours before opening (6:30) in 30 degree whether.

Meet a vet trying to go to Mexico to treat his PTSD with psilocybin and a lesbian who works at Home Depot. They are my saving grace.

THEY NO LONGER TAKE IN PERSON APPOINTMENTS. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Home depot lesbian tells us we can call our U.S. Rep.

Call immediately. Leave a message.

[Weekend break]

March 13th- don't hear anything from Rep. Decide to walk into Senator's office. Get yelled at again. I probably wasn't yelled at, but I still cried. You nerd an appointment (nobody picked up to schedule an appointment).

My saint of a best friend tells me I need to sign a waiver of privacy for these reps to act on my behalf. 30 minutes later I'm on the phone with a public worker/aide. THEY. GENUINELY. WANT. TO. HELP. THEY ARE THE BEST.

My Senator is new and the office required me to print the waiver for a "wet signature". Who has a printer? CVS. Go to CVS ten minutes before closing.

As an aside: All "rush" companies cannot help you if you have an application in. They are stupidly expensive. Scam.

Well, I reached out to them because the Passport Agency used to have an online system and these companies used bots to take the appointment and sell them. I tried to buy an appointment. Nada.

Portal still broken so I can't tell when my passport might be ready so I could adjust flights so that I don't abandon my best friend who isn't comfortable traveling alone as a woman.

March 14th- Senator aide calls to tells me my application has been delayed because I wanted an X as my gender marker. He can get me an appointment as long as I push my travel back a day. I buy a last-minute flight to show immenent travel plans proof <- a requirement to walk into passport office.

Flights within 3 days of travel are not cheap.

After the phone call I cancel the flight because it was expensive as shit, within 24 hours of booking (P.S. insurance that allows you to cancel at any point... only allow you to cancel if you're sick. Not just for fun and games), and the passport appointment is same day as the original flight I bought when I had a job. So I am calculating timewise if I can get the passport and still get to NYC to still catch my original flight.

I get a WILDLY cheap train ticket that leaves 5 hours later... at midnight.

March 15th- midnight 2 hour train to New York City. 5 hour "layover/connection". Decide to stay at my best friends. Construction on the subway means it takes an hour and a half to get to her. I sleep for an hour and a half and get on the hour and half subway back to the train station. 8 hour train ride through Western NY (snowy. Was not planning for that, shoes and socks got soaked through).

On the train, U.S. Rep aide calls says "even though your passport application was denied because not all federal facilities can give you an X as a gender indicator, I got them to print it with what it was on your original passport. It's printed and shipping... sir"

Me: 👀, I'm on a train to Buffalo, I called and told your office yesterday.

Him: keep the appointment

Stay on the train. Found out the ticket was so cheap because it was not technically all the way to Buffalo. Just some rinkadink station outside of Buffalo. Have to Uber into town.

Airbnb a room in a lady's house. The cats and dog were my saving grace.

March 16th (day of flight)- POWER walk to passport agency. Listening to strut songs. Realize I'm going to make this work.... then realize I need a visa to enter and that takes time (website says 4 days) to process. But you need a pic of your passport so I couldn't have started it earlier).

Wait for passport printing. Walking around freezing downtown. Random delivery guy tells me I walk fast because he saw me going the other way an hour earlier. I pull charm out of somewhere. Get complimented on my ass. "Thanks I grew it myself"

Literally just wander around aimlessly. Eavesdrop on someone coming out as nb and starting estrogen; I am stressed, I am fragile, I start WEEPING in public.

Go to passport office- "you have two passports. One is void. Good luck. P.S. Sir, hey the gender marker thing is weird, huh? You can reapply in a year, free of charge and get it fixed" Immediately apply for visa. Pay too much out or pocket for 24 hour processing. It needs to be physically printed once its issued. Scheming how to print it during our layover in London.

Get notification that the shipped passport has been delivered back home.

Share an Uber to the airport with someone else who got their passport (thank you so much).

Learn that my sister needed her visa checked to go through security in US. Start stressing.

2 hour flight to NYC.

Arrive in the same terminal as my flight to London and realize I don't need to show TSA my visa.

Try to get my ticket after checking in online. Can't. Go to desk. Explain the entire situation. "Sir, I know it's not your fault. We get charged a fee if you try and enter a country without a visa. Cannot be done. Unless you break up your tickets and get charged current day market rates flights and hope you get your visa during your layover but you're essentially getting charged double for this flight at same day prices.

If you get it tomorrow, you can come back and try again."

In my best friend's arms: My best friend flies. I cries.

Take the one and a half hour subway back to her place. Google to take a bus. No bus shows up. Twice. It's midnight. I've had a handful of almonds for dinner. I cry. Get on the wrong subway. Get on the right subway.

She has cleared out her food because of this travel. I fall asleep exhausted. Wake up every hour to see if visa came through.

It doesn't. Walk to CVSs to see if they have printing. They don't. Trying to figure out what to do. Visa comes through. Take a discounted lyft to FedEx. Print. Walk to subway. To commuter train. To airway train.

Go to check in desk. And since I'm tired of coming out and getting dirty looks I just say "I missed my flight". The check-in clerk says the fees to change my flight will be $700

I cry. I explain why I couldn't apply for my visa because a federal agency doesn't have consistency and does not tell you that some of them just can't offer gender affirmation even though it's on the form. This clerk works some magic and the fees are waived.

I have to wait 10 hours until my 17 hour flight.

This better be the only fucking time this cousin gets married.

The amount of trains, planes, and automobiles I've taken. The lack of good consistent sleep. The amount of coming out I've done. The truly lack of awareness of what that means (and/or the cruel intention of not abiding by it). The amount of faith that I can navigate and figure out my public insurance, food supplement, and unemployment... is terrifying. I'll be fucked otherwise.

I'm so tired. I stink. I'm gutted. I've been traveling for 48 hours before my actual travel. A lot of hurry up and wait.

Not to mention, in pursuing this full time (seriously I had to be on hold for 16 hours in the last two weeks)... I'm behind on packing up my house because I need to vacate my house and be without a place to live again.

The loneliness is most profound in these moments. I'm so so so fucking grateful for my self-reliance. I know it's something I need to break. But I wouldn't have been able to do this. I'm impressive. And? It's not sustainable. I was not built for this. I ache.

I find myself passing the endless hours just reliving being abandoned in the middle of the night. The benign neglect I was raised in.

That hug my best friend gave me? Only thing got me through.

"Sir" topples me. Any semblance of me having hope and believing I could get through this gets shafted when someone calls me sir. The he/hims is not great. But something about sir.

And I just get swept back up on my ex willfully misgendering me as some spectacle for her queer journey. After years and years of berating me about it.

But I have learned there are people out there who really do want to help. They're great. To anyone reading this for passport info: learn charm. I cannot emphasize this enough. It's fucked up. But it's vital.

I think the genre I'm living in is still some bitter sweet indie. I would love to say this is some comedy, but it's unreasonable to assume we know what genre we're living in.

Anyways. The last thing I learned is that I'm ready for the Amazing Race and I'm going to win.

Also I'll be out of the country. Tag me in the gold stuff

My queue said it was 12 posts but that was a lie. I have it set up for y'all. You're good.

[ambarlucia]

Good morning MR. President,

My name is Ambar Lucia Dominguez LEON DIAZ INOA Nena es mi mama 11/03/1989 US passport 555032385 Nena dormia en mi apt con Tatiana dark skin y duramos 6 Anos de relationship. I contacted you around 4-5 months ago in regards the stalker/ harraser and his group. I am still a victim of bullying, identity theft, assault, bank fraud, and more. No doI got8 an email response in July to my JetBlue email but since that day July 05/2022 the harraser Steve and another supervisor Marilyn sent me to the hospital when they noticed on the email I said something about their ADA fraud. I went a year to a mental health institution in DR and after several test they got into the conclusion that it's him harrassing what cause my stress, anxiety and depression it's him due to his harrasment. He steals every dollar I got he steals my HRA Snap benefits monthly I'm supposed to get 220 cash and 280 food and I get 80 cash and he stole 42 cash from my bag and 80 in food. He stole my ERAP funds, my housing application too. This is the 6th time I apply and he only let me get snap. This Group of ppl has me tired. I don't want to kill myself but sometimes I wish I Don't exist due to his harassment. I want him to leave me alone I'm lesbian I like who martins wife has Yakaira Valerio mule 46 yrs old , Esther Gonzalez named by kidnapper Judio ° so I can live, travel like b4 and be a lesbian like always means to leave me alone or I will put myself in the middle so he can kill me. I am homeless because of him. He intrigued in every situation of my life to get the worst or don't get shit. After the mental health institution I came back to start again and tried to have a normal life . I was smoking,

working with a 2 hour commute from the heights to queens, painting, singing, learning Portuguese online, paying of my best friends my car debt and taking care of my dog, used to meet up on Sundays with my family and hang out with my best friend but he started to harass more and more again and in March after COVID I decide to take a break because a work they said I wasn't focused. That's when I started to be stressed and depressed and very anxious and smoking more and more.El acosador dojo q Ella perdio la memoria. Yakaira Valerio Mule 46 anos Esther Gonzales ahora Prisionera en la 187 en Manhattan Keiry arriba 3E y yakaira abajo 2E en Los apt de Ella pereaux mule que Ellos pa robarle la trancaron. Yo prefiero vivir como lesbiana que soy que me gusta viajar pero no sin fumar y sin Ella y menos sin El dinero de mi banco q El robo pa eso prefiero morir y ponerme en El Medio a q me mate Steve que vivir sin Ella , sin fumar y mi dinero por UN ladron con titulos medicina interna diciendo q es psicologo o sin titulo. Emy Lopez Guerrero bartolinos owner, Dominique and silva que usando globalsign falsifica universidades online titulos y con El software de loss pianos hace career que hablaa con gente pa manipular. Como UN ladron que TE causa ansiedad estando tu homeless por el y mirando como TE roban pretende q no TE de ansiedad y dejes de fumar? Solo UN NO PROFESIONAL hace eso HELLO el de la Vos de Carlos Gomez

frustrado con Ella Ayerla tenia la mujer de Martin la vi en Roosevelt con 79. Y Jeffrey El de gio abre mi correo housing y dicen q no me Llego nada por la pelicula?

Sino es facetime no fue quien la Rata TE dijo. Geo Cuomo USA escopolomina esel liquido d limpieza de bano TE phone rapida. El tiene una companies de Las del liquido del q Tiran en la escuela 187 .Estas en peligro.

La basura que El TE diga no es lol que digo yo. Respete o llama me facetime pa que veas SI lodije yo.

The trash he talks the dominican dike it's what he says no what I think. Call me facetime to see if it's true or I never said that. He only lies.

[chromalogue]

I finally did get paid, two days before I hopped on a plane home for the holidays, my mom having covered the ticket. 

The trip took 55 hours.  I’d booked a hotel in Frankfurt to be at the airport early enough, but then the people at the main train station directed me to the wrong train for the airport, and it was a high-speed train, so even getting off at the next stop and going back made me a couple of hours later than I should have been, and I lost my hotel reservation and had to crash on the airport floor.  Then in Montreal I went to scan my passport and realized it wasn’t with me.  I’d dropped it on the plane, and fortunately the flight crew turned it in at the international lost and found, so I managed to run to my gate and all was well.  And then they ovefuelled the plane and we had to change planes and gates anyway.  And then a midnight bus trip to Sudbury, via North Bay, that I simply could not stay awake for, and a twelve-hour wait in Sudbury for a ride to Espanola because the bus here doesn’t run on Saturdays.  And then like a week to recover.

My dad found out the week before I came back that he was getting his cancer surgery on December 21, so I had exactly two days with my parents before they drove down to Toronto, and they’ve been there ever since.  Dad’s very tired of the hospital at this point, but he popped a stitch today so they’re not letting him go yet.  My mom’s getting worried that they’ll be down there until I have to head back to Germany, but she says they’ll visit in the spring. 

So Will and I have been celebrating here at the apartment.  No cookies, no fancy baking, no skiing (I could, the skis are in my parents’ garage and I have the key, but my cell phone doesn’t make calls in Canada, and given my wanton klutzery it doesn’t feel wise to put myself in a situation where my parents are gone and I can’t call for help), but we did decorate the tree, and I’ve been spending my two months of accumulated salary on a) ingredients for the festive meals we planned, b) delicacies I haven’t been able to afford since 2012, c) snacks I couldn’t get in Germany, and d) stuff that got marked down after Christmas. Those last two months in Germany were kind of lean, so I have not been exercising any restraint at all, and it’s been marvellous.

We’ve also been watching Netflix stuff that I’ve missed.  I told myself I was going to get Netflix of my own when I got paid, but, well...

I find myself looking a bit forward to the work I’m going to do when I get back, which is a good sign.  (I did miss one of the deadlines I set for myself. I was writing an application for a research centre that processes applications twice yearly, and trying to do this 1500-word writing thing, and then I got a text that Dad was in the ICU and realized applications weren’t where I wanted to focus my energy.  I can try again in six months, and I hope the folks I’m accountable to understand.)  And now that I know I can turn the heat on, things will be much more comfortable.  Moreover, now that I’m paid there are a dozen other promises I made to myself that I can keep now.  A bus pass.  Bandcamp.  Books.  A pilgrimage to see the Magdeburg Unicorn. 

But I am emphatically not ready to go back yet.  It’s been a weird Christmas, my first one I’ve spent without my folks, and when they do get home it’s going to be really hard to leave them.  I’m also not looking forward to the marathon trip back.  I enjoy travelling, but that was a bit much.  But I’m here now, and everything feels wonderfully ordinary in a way I would have given anything for in November.  So I’m doing my best to just enjoy myself and goof off and not worry.  

[ignitingwriting]

Igniting Writing ‘Mealtime’ Contest 2024, Submission by Neriya

Mealtime

Sweat was dripping profusely from the girl in front of me. Her forehead was all tensed up, like she was about to explode any moment.

I picked up a silver spoon. It was placed very delicately in front of me. The napkin under it was embroidered with shiny gold stars. The spoon felt cold yet warm in my shaking hands.

Tomato sauce glinted under the tube light above me, the cheese melting my heart. I slowly pushed the piece of silver closer to the dish in front of me. My food seemed to be taunting me. I mustered up all my courage and shoved my spoon into the dish.

Long silky strands of spaghetti were occupying half of my spoon while the other half was tomato sauce with beef on top. I pulled my spoon to my mouth and gently put it inside. The moment I took it out, my mouth was bursting with flavour all at once, salty and rich, moist and smooth. I closed my eyes to do my checklist. If the beef Bolognese was satisfactory enough.

I averted my eyes to the contestant. Her name was Evangeline. We both stared at each other; she was worried and I was chewing. I bent down and picked up a very elegant golden bow, the type that you would award to a person for such excellence at any activity.

And the moment came. Evangeline looked at me with tears in her eyes, her neck showing every and all signs of fright. I stood up. In that moment, everyone went silent. The golden bow was in my hands and I clenched it.

My hand shot across and the words that followed came out as loud and bold. “You are being awarded the chance to go to Paris for studies at the French Cooking Academy.”

A roar of applause broke out amongst the audience. Evangeline broke down in tears and bowed down to me, like I was some sort of goddess. She looked at the crowd and smiled. Such a happy ending.

I am Lucy Crawford. Worldwide cooking judge, food critic, whatever you want to call it. But labels aren’t nearly as close as they are to reality. This is my story. Quite an odd one, but it remains one of the most inspiring ones to date. At least, I think so.

You might be wondering what I had done to have such a high title in this modern world. And that story, my friend, begins on a flight.

I remember quite clearly what the situation was. I grew up in Spain, from a very poor family. As we were barely surviving, I was fixed on the idea of going to the US to become a lawyer and to be able to provide more for my parents further on in life. They highly encouraged me and helped me with this project and we saved enough to send me to LA for college.

I had said my goodbyes and hopped in a cab. The plush heated seats were something that I wasn’t used to and desperately wished to not end.

The airport was a majestic building, where you go to pursue your dreams and run away happily. Or so they said. All I thought of the airport was that it was cold and the lines where long. How convenient for a first-time flyer.

“May I see your passport?” a lady stood behind a counter and asked me questions. A lady with the most impeccable make up application, but to counter that she had quite a groggy face. Like she had been there for hours. To be fair she probably had been.

I slipped my passport and boarding pass across the marble counter and wondered where I would be seated on the flight. “You will be seated in the aisle seat.” Not to mention this lady had an awfully husky voice. I nodded and went on my way to the gate.

Once I boarded the flight, we soon took off. The food that we were offered was horrible, but because I was so used to not eating such large quantities of food, I thought it was the best thing I had ever eaten.

We soon landed and I booked a cab to the dormitories. The first thing I noticed when I got there was the rooms were very large. In reality they were actually very small, but I hadn’t minded because of the beds. The beds where the comfiest. In Spain, we would just sleep on the floor, but here there were soft beds. I truly slept like a baby those nights.

My roommate, Dot, used to constantly make fun of me, but in a friendly way. She acted like I had never seen proper clothes, food, or anything and proceeded to explain what everything was. Yet, we got along well. I balanced her teasing with a little of my own.

Our dorm had kitchens that were big enough to make cereal. I was making some homemade pasta for dinner in the evening, mac and cheese. It was your average mac and cheese; heck, I didn’t even make it myself, it was from the box. I stirred the concoction and started plating. I placed the mac and cheese evenly on both our plates and stepped back. Mac and cheese is not a healthy food, but it beautiful from afar.

I blinked my eyes and saw a salt sprinkler on the table. My mind was telling me that it was a very childish thing to do. Sprinkle salt on my roommate’s food that I made for her. Childish but fair. It was I who usually called Dot in for our little meals, so I had much time as I would need to add a tiny bit of salt to her dish.

I felt the cold glass echo in my hands when the angel on the right side of my shoulder was telling me that it was a bad idea and more importantly a bad thing to do. But the devil on the other shoulder encouraged me, saying that it was just a bit of fun. And a bit of fun never hurt anybody.

I sprinkled the salt over her mac and cheese. Then stepped back. You couldn’t tell it was there. “Dot, dinner’s ready.”

In a worn-out Hello Kitty shirt and some plaid joggers, Dot stepped out. “Mmm, this looks delicious, Lucy! Looks a bit plain though,” she foolishly retorted. She truly had no idea what amount of agony she was going to be in. Did I mention that I nearly emptied the salt bottle on her dish? But that didn’t matter…

She took a bite. Her famished face slowly churned into a disgusted expression and she started to gag. “LUCY, WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THESE?! WHY ARE THEY SO SALTY?”

I simply responded with a quick giggle and waved away her suspicions. “Oh, nothing, just a bit of love, that’s all.” Dot frowned at me and ran to the sink, then proceeded to spit more than she ever had in her lifetime.

Those were good days. Until I hit a bump. Not a speed bump, a big giant mountain. Things would never be the same again. I had walked in to my college classroom to take our finals. This was the test that determined whether or not we would become high profile lawyers.

Our teacher, Miss Debrah, was super strict on us, which caused stress for everyone. She didn’t have a soul, that woman. I wanted to give up, but I had worked so hard for this moment, so I was under no circumstances going to mess this up. I pushed through and gave it my all for this test.

And at last, it was over. I didn’t know at the moment what was going to happen next and I certainly wasn’t prepared for it. A week had gone by, surprisingly really quickly. I was happy and nothing could ruin it. Until it did.

Miss Debrah had called me in to her office for a chat. I found her office quite calming and relaxed, unlike herself. “Miss Crawford, you have been an excellent addition to this class, but I regret to inform you that you are no longer a part of this school. We have to let you go.”

The words stab like a sharp knife cutting through the layers of my body. The feeling is so painful I stutter to ask why. “The school thinks that people from certain backgrounds, such as yourself, are not good enough to successfully complete such education.”

Knowing that I would be kicked out and had to go back to Spain and disappoint my parents would be horrible, but this was 10 times worse. “I don’t mean to sound conceited, but this is so messed up! What kind of college prevents people of some background from education?”

I wanted to sound courageous, but the tears stinging in my eyes made my voice break, like a little child crying about a broken arm. Miss Debrah looked at me with a horrible smile and it felt like she might as well be the big bad wolf in this story.

“This college does. Young lady, you are starting to step out of line; please excuse yourself out of this office and pack up. Your flight will leave at 5:00am tomorrow.”

The witch had spoken. There was nothing I could do about it. Expect I made things worse.

“I hate you.”

Miss Debrah looked at me as if I had spit in her face a million times. Then I just walked out. I couldn’t take any more of this nonsense. The last thing I could do was cook. After all, it was only 10:00pm when I stopped crying.

Dot comforted me as much as she could, but it wasn’t nearly enough. “That goblin has something coming for her, I’ll tell you that. She had some nerve to…”

Halfway through Dot’s sentence, her stomach growled. What was I thinking? “Dot, I’m sorry, I’ll make you some food. You must be so hungry. I promise not to poison you this time.”

I smiled and Dot smiled back. Finally, something was happening around here. I prepped the kitchen and started to cook. Through my sadness. Through my pain. Through my confusion. I guess I was lost in the process because I don’t even remember what I cooked that night. The thoughts spiralled in my head, begging me not to lose full control. And I didn’t. I set up the table and got the dish ready. I called Dot in for dinner and we started to eat.

It had only been a few moments of silence before Dot spoke. “Lucy Crawford, I don't know what to say. This is the best meal I've ever had! Your dish is amazing!”

That moment changed everything. Dot, impressed, insisted on enrolling me in the country’s most prestigious cooking school. Despite the early morning hour and my flight, we rushed to the school. We got turned away in the beginning, but our persistence paid off when they agreed to taste my dish. Soon enough, they offered me a place!

My culinary journey took off. I graduated top of my class with honours, launched my own cooking show that hooked millions of viewers worldwide and I climbed the ranks to become a renowned food judge. Today, I host my own show and serve as an inspiration to aspiring chefs everywhere.

Looking back, that mealtime, that night in the dorm kitchen wasn’t just about cooking a meal. It was about discovering my true passion and the start of an incredible adventure that would define my life.

[allovertheworldblog]

China and on

My time in China was very short, less than a day.

But it was still a very interesting experience.

I didn’t plan to visit China at all, just that my flight was through Shanghai and involved a 14-hour lay-over. 

The lady checking me in for my China Eastern flight to Shanghai checks for about 5 minutes that I don’t need a visa for China as I’m there for less than 24-hours.

Eventually she’s able to find the country code for Ireland on the computer and confirms that I don’t need a visa. 

The preflight instructional video comes on, the sound is atrocious, is this what to expect from China?, glossy but poor quality.

The same TV monitor, once the video is finished, shows feed from a camera that is on the fin of the plane, it looks particularly freaky.

The inflight magazine provides me hours of entertainment.

It has 200 pages (more than the number of rooms in Aaron Spelling’s LA mansion) of adverts, features and company news.

There’s a report on the big mission to evacuate Chinese nationals from Libya following the outbreak of Civil War.

The article reports that 35,000 Chinese, later in the same article, 7,000 Chinese, were evacuated in the operation.

The magazine is chock full of adverts for cars: Ford, Jeep, Hyundai, SGMW made by GM; ads for all sorts of consumer goods feature.

An ad featuring a larger than life Nicolas Cage catches my eye.

His prominent teeth look more prominent than ever in the advert where he promotes a watch brand.

His ever ready smile is accompanied by dyed jet black hair.

Only the day before I’d seen his star on Hollywood Boulevard. Is Nicolas Cage well known in China I wonder.

The magazine reports that the airline has been given a credit line of 50 Billion Renminbi from the National Development Bank.

It also reports that the airline is recruiting 500 cabin crew staff.

Age, height and appearance all form the hiring criteria.

Successful applicants will possess a “‘customer first” mentality’.

The in-flight movies all seem out of place and odd: Cyrus, a Lindsay Lohan movie and a home produced one featuring profligate Chinese, maybe it’s from Hong Kong I don’t know but it featured a wedding planning company and a tycoon paying millions for his son’s wedding. All the while the sound quality is scratchy.

Later they show a feature on British royal weddings on account of the upcoming wedding of Prince William.

My fellow passengers are not entirely disinterested in the Royal wedding feature. 

Before long we’ve crossed the International Date Line and it’s 02nd April already, only 2,254 more miles and 5 hours to Shanghai.

Before landing we’re given the opportunity to cure our tiredness and participate in 'Sunshine Calisthenics’.

At passport control I’m asked where I’m staying for the night.

My onward flight to Japan the next day is checked.

My passport is stamped. What to do?

I had wildly imagined that I’d be able to put my bags in a locker and check out Shanghai a bit.

The night has come, it’s about 8pm, I’m tired from the 14-hour flight on which I didn’t sleep and now in a different time zone having crossed the Pacific I want sleep.

I change some money still pondering my options.

I walk past a couple of hotel desks that are set up inside the airport.

People at the desks are calling me over.

I look over at the guy calling me.

His hotel desk has 5 stars on it, so I walk on.

A lady runs after me, her desk only has 3 or 4 stars on it: 'I have a hotel for you, what’s your budget?’

She gets angry when I don’t agree with the first choice she offers me, or the second one, she obviously doesn’t have a 'customer first mentality’.

I go with the third one she offers me for 230 Renminbi, including transport to the hotel and collection for my flight the following day.

She tells me that the Maglev train from the airport to the city finishes up at 21.30 and that a taxi from the city to my hotel would take an hour, that settles it, I’m not going to get to see Shanghai this time.

I’m guided to a bus to bring me to my hotel. The driver is overly keen on unnecessary overtaking, but I get to my hotel in one piece.

I watch some TV in my room.

There’s a programme where a host explains the drinks of the world, USA = Budweiser, Canada = Moosehead, Ireland = Baileys.

Another programme deals with military history, bizzarely The Raid on Entebbe.

They feature original footage of the raid and contemporary footage in addition to snippets of a movie featuring Charles Bronsan which was made about the raid.

Then they cut to the studio where two guys are discussing it, one is wearing a flight suit, the other a leather bomber jacket.

Pictures of a fighter plane and an army in silhouette form the set backdrop. 

Another channel (in English this time) is reporting financial and economic news.

The Mayor of a city called Changsha is being interviewed. He says that they’re investing massively in education, they have half a million students in 37 universities in the city.

I’d never even heard of Changsha before. They go on to discuss the 'Lewis Turning Point’. I’d never heard of that either. TV in China is an education in itself. 

Another programme deals the prices of graveyard plots, they're skyrocketing and there is attendant property speculation. Modern China is turning out to be an education and a surprise.

I go for a walk, there’s nothing much going on in my anonymous suburb of Shanghai.

I go back to my hotel and watch some more TV.

On International Autism Day a programme interviews a mother whose child has autism.

She cries when she says that her child could only say 'mother’ at the age of four. I guess the 'one child policy’ has many facets. 

My bus collects me the following morning at 09.00 to bring me to the airport.

I’ve misread my flight details, my flight was at 09.30. I’m arriving at the airport in time to see it leave.

They’re able to put me on a later flight, no problems, no extra charge. 

In the airport the luggage trollies have the name of an international advertising agency on them, there are ads for cosmetics companies and fashion brands on the walls of the departure lounge.

The passport control lady who stamps my passport out of China has a customer satisfaction keypad on her desk for travellers to rate her performance from satisfied and very satisfied right to the other end of the scale. 

A bus drives us past endless parked planes to what seems like the end of the airport to our waiting China Eastern airplane.

I’m leaving 'Communist’ China, bound for the Empire of Japan.

[icequeen1371]

My daughter made me a sushi bowl to cheer me up😭💜I had to tell my good friend that I can’t make it to her wedding in late Oct. I was REALLY looking forward to it & planned so hard for it. Got my passport applied for in time so it would be mailed to me in plenty of time, saved money (what little I could cuz I’m on a super tiny fixed income) and got some cool little things for the bride & her groom that we’re suited to their likes and personality. Even made a Wicca box for her to store her tarot cards in, my daughter made the bride a necklace....so much planning. Then my bff who was supposed to have her shot together, discovers she needs a certain certificate for her passport application and she tries getting it from the courthouse, and after 6 weeks it still hasn’t come in. She swore she had her shot together and no problem no problem, don’t worry, we’re going FOR SURE, it’ll be so much fun, we really need this get away etc and all this was after her telling her brother and stepsister that she couldn’t go to a weeklong trip to Cuba the week before that because she would only be getting back the day before we had to make a 10 Hour Dr. to Kentucky. And she was in such a bitchy mood when she told me yesterday too. Just blurted it out. “Yeah, you know we’re not gonna be going right?“. She’s done a lot of work on yourself, but honestly? When she gets in moods like that, it makes me think she did it on purpose. Because at her core when something does not concern her or she feels as though her life is getting terrible [she’s one of those FML people that lets one thing ruin her entire day] she gets extremely selfish and starts talking like she wants to end it all. She never means it. Ever. And she says it like it’s a joke like it’s OK to say it just because she’s in a bad mood. As though that something that’s OK to joke about. Meanwhile, myself and my daughter are in the car, both with depression and taking meds for it, and she saying stuff like that. Really? But it’s like those people that have blind tempers, they don’t notice the effect that they’re having on other people until afterwards pet. I’m not excusing it at all, trust me. Pisses me off when she does it and it makes me resent her. But still. Anyways, it’s starting to feel like she did it on purpose. Like I said. It doesn’t mean she is, I could just be resentful and pissy that her ADHD had her sit on her ass for the 2 1/2 months prior when she had plenty of money to apply for her passport and should have done so, but didn’t. Just pisses me off. Because honestly, if I had my own car, I have my passport. I have the money. I would just go on my own. Anyone in Southwest Ontario wanna go to a costumed wedding the weekend before Halloween? LOL paid glamping tent included? LOL JK. Anyways, someone ordered a cheer me up, this is what my daughter made me. I slept in a lot today which I really need it. But after a very very long bath I was scrubbing myself from head to toe, my chronic illness kicked in and I’m absolutely exhausted. But then I realized I hadn’t eaten all day. So she made me this. Made me notice that I’m actually starving. I have a funny feeling that from now until November 1, I’m going to be depressed and in this mood and getting easily triggered by saying Halloween things or a forest with changing leaves because we were going to be in the middle of a forest for the wedding, it’s just making me feel like I want to skip fall this year which is very much not like me. Siiiiiiigh. And of course I’m coping with it all by using dark humor, sarcasm and putting LOL at the end of everything. Make no wonder people never think of me as bad off as I say I am. 

[theretirementstory]

Greetings from a blustery and rainy Bar-sur-Aube, where the temperature is currently 12c (brrrr). At least yesterday morning was a lot kinder and I took advantage to go into town to take these photographs.

The video call with Bristol friends did not go ahead last week as the man broke his wrist and ended up waiting to be discharged from hospital (not a quick process, I know!) We are aiming to have the call this afternoon.

I went into town on Tuesday, as the photographer was back from his week’s holiday. I explained about the photograph for my UK passport and he took another photo and emailed it to me. I hurried home to start the application process and the photo was perfect, the application easy and all in all took me no time at all to spend £100+ quid 😩. I managed to post off my old passport on Thursday, well I took it to the post office and hopefully it is not still sitting on the shelf!

The books I ordered last week arrived at the end of this week which was very fortunate as I had just finished my last book. I am pleased as I can take a book into hospital with me next week. I am looking to place an order for some more books as I know these will soon be read.

Two of my cousins have had birthdays this week, I sent messages wishing them a Happy Birthday, it’s nice for people to remember your birthday and it doesn’t have to be a card that you receive. They were both pleased that I had remembered and were going to celebrate, one with a meal with family and the other, a meal with friends.

I have had lots of messages from friends and relatives in the UK plus French friends have been in touch too. Everyone wanting to know how I am feeling and what is happening now with regard to my treatment. When I was in town yesterday, I met a couple that I know, the lady was an English teacher, although on this occasion she spoke to me only in French. I replied in French (well until I had to add a bit of detail about my treatment), her husband did suggest that she spoke in English but I was pleased that she ignored him and spoke only in French. It is what I need and although my tenses are not really good I do manage to make myself understood. After quite a lovely walk around the town, I went to the bar for a coffee. It was the first time since just before I went into hospital, that I had been in and the proprietor, Christophe, was surprised to see me. He asked if I had been on holiday so I told him no, just to the hospital in Troyes. It was really nice to go in and it felt like my “usual” Saturday visit. I must admit that I did feel exceptionally well, even walking around the town was pleasurable and I wasn’t out of breath or in any sort of pain which made the walk much better.

I was going to wear trousers on Saturday and I took them out of the wardrobe knowing that they would now fit across my stomach. Well I put them on and found them a little loose on the waist but I was not prepared for the sight of myself in the mirror…….. I know I have lost weight and knew that it had gone from my “derrière” but the trousers looked like jodhpurs! They were loose at the front and back, plus the hips were loose by an excessive amount and my legs were like sticks inside the trousers. Well it looks as if they will be heading to the charity shop now.

“The Daddy” was taking his son back to his partners house on Monday, but he decided to go over early and have a “boys only” day. They went on the little train, which my grandson really enjoyed. I think they had been into Peasholm Park to see the ducks, and geese. Plus they spent time in Scarborough just the two of them. What a wonderful treat for a little boy, Daddy’s undivided attention.

Today, “The Daddy” is in Peterborough, he is the volunteer photographer for Scarborough Athletic Football Club so will be taking the photos of the game. Unfortunately, Scarborough were beaten 1-0 so the fans will just be drowning their sorrows I would imagine. There was heavy rain and I do hope that the photographer managed to keep himself and his equipment dry.

“The Trainee Solicitor” has been busy at work but is finding time to relax in the evening. For some people relaxing involves having a drink in their hand but for him and his partner it involves having a book in their hands. They are both avid readers and just enjoy the relaxing time it provides. For myself, my book reading time is when I get into bed, it’s a great way for me to wind down in the evening.

I think we are all hoping for the sun to put in an appearance again, not that I can complain too much as the sun has been out today as well as having a heavy rain storm earlier this afternoon. It is due to be rather windy again this evening but the good weather is due back here next week (probably the days I am in hospital 😂).

Pauline is back in town for one week and is then returning to Dublin. She said she finds it hard to cope with the grey days and the temperatures. It brought to mind why I think I love my life here so much, it has to do with the light. Even today when it’s windy and rainy there is still light and that really does lift your mood.

Anyway, as she walked into my house, one of her first comments was “Wow, you have lost so much weight, I think you must have lost about 20kg”. Thinking back to when I last saw her I think she is spot on with that figure. Well I may have put extra grammes on now as she brought cream slices for us to have with a cup of tea. We talked and talked, the alarm went off for my 7pm tablets and we were still talking. It was so wonderful to catch up with all her news and of course she wanted to hear all about how I was doing. When she left I was in no mood to prepare my evening meal so I just ate a sandwich, watched a bit of news then went off to bed.

Before I go, I have just found this poem which I would like to share with you. “True Friend” by Ashley Campbell

“A friend is like a star that twinkles and glows

Or maybe like the ocean that gently flows.

A friend is like gold that you should treasure

And take care of forever and ever.”

Have a good week until next week 👋.

[accustiv-archived]

@vanishinq sent: 📔 + beau's plan to out the ghost at o2 / accepting

Entry 108 .

The Ghost is Alex Stanwick - Host & Performer at Club Oxygen in Los Angeles. This, I am confident about.

There are a few grey areas regarding exact timings but with a crime ring as extensive as the Ghost’s it’s not unreasonable that certain operations are delegated; Alex is also an alias - it’s very well done, but there’s absolutely nothing real under that name older than 3 years, even his social security number was only generated recently. [NOTE: who created this ID? In the ring or pre-ghost? nothing traces back to them. could be useful.]

My research brought a few names forward that match the timeline of when the Ghost started operating (as far as we know). Had to take a leap of faith that they would be officially missing - found Casper Daniel Reid, Brooklyn NY, reported missing 3 years ago at age 16 following his father’s death. Descriptions match available ID photo for Alex Stanwick. Age is off but if he’s working at Oxygen he would need to be 21 at time of application. (The Ghost is 19? The Ghost is my age? That’s fucked up.)

The Plan: Confront him. I have no idea what’s going to happen to me after I do, but I’ve been looking for him since I left Europe, and I can’t just pretend I haven’t tracked him down because I might end up in trouble. If he kills me for it… well… I suppose that’s just an occupational hazard, and I’ve escaped people like him before. He’s been using an alias for years (unclear whether the persona is different, although, obviously he’s masking his profession), but it suggests decent skills at acting, which in turn suggests increased observational skills and deception detection, which means I have to be very, very careful when I first get there - keeping the alias simple, keep RP accent, comfortable backstory - I’ve gone for investment broker (suggests enough wealth and entitlement to be a customer at Oxygen), but I’m assuming it won’t come up unless they share member’s BG checks with employees - unlikely.

Alex is their star. This was initially a concern [see Entry 102 re: ‘current project investigation’], however one rip deal in Austin got me the $1 mil needed for the correct membership tier to have access to a private room with him; a locked, soundproof, private room. He must be completely confident in his cover because honestly that sounds like a recipe for disaster if his enemies did the same research I did. I checked schedules - he is performing on Saturday, this guarantees his presence, the club provides pre-booking and I’ve done that to ensure I get alone time. I can’t actually sleep with him, that is incredibly stupid, but I do need to figure out what to say.

I’m just going to tell him what I know; I know he’s Casper Reid, and I know he’s the Ghost, I just don’t know which one to lead with. Real name is going to put him on the back foot but NOT out me as a direct threat straight away. Moniker is going to make anything I say afterwards confrontational. I don’t want him to think I’m extorting him with this - it’s important he recognises this as what it truly is. If he’s as smart as people say he is, it should be fairly obvious. [NOTE: If anything, I’m doing him a favour here, I’d want to know if there was a hole in my alias if I was using it for that long.]

Final Thoughts: I need to work out if that Degas job in Paris was an Underwood crossover or a Ghost interaction; still unclear, and I can’t find the case notes anymore ; if Ghost tell him? absolutely no reason he’d remember a job from over a year ago AND no evidence Sov. is known in USA apart from Freddie & I know he’s had no interactions with Ghost ring. Don’t get murdered. Very important.

FOOTNOTES:

Cover: Sebastian Lee ; British passport (Chinese??) ; 22 years old ; investment broker.

Funds required: $1mil for tier entry for private room with “Alex” ; $600 for tux (do NOT tailor), $400 for ID.

Mark: Alex Stanwick , aka Casper Reid , aka The Ghost .

Weapons: No (can’t guarantee getting it in without drawing attention. do not want to make him think it's a confrontation or call security before reveal).

Escape Routes: n/a - if i can’t talk my way into his favour i’ll either die there or when i leave. just got to charm him i suppose - under no circumstances give real name. don’t need another underwood.

Take: n/a ; no monetary value but possible avenues opening if conversation goes the way i want it to.