#but what can you do? inherent struggle of being a communicative creature

[monstrousproductions]

Ace rep in Monstrous Agonies!

Monstrous Agonies may be deservedly famed for its monsterfucking, but what if you're more in the mood for monster cuddling? Monster hand-holding? Painting miniatures with your monster while you listen to a podcast together?

Have no fear - there's plenty of asexual and aromantic rep to be found in Monstrous Agonies too! Here are four big ace moments in the show so far, with quotes from the transcripts.

You can listen to Monstrous Agonies wherever you get your podcasts, or check out monstrousagonies.co.uk to listen online and for full transcripts for every episode!

Episode Twenty One - Love in the Ace-pocalypse

The first time a character describes themselves as something akin to asexual is an admittedly blink-and-you'll miss it moment in Episode Twenty One, during a letter from someone worried the relationship that seemed so promising during the apocalypse now seems to have stalled a little...

I don't mean sex. Well, I don't not mean sex. I mean, look, I don't even know if he- Personally, I can take it or leave it, but- [sighs] I just thought there'd be something, alright? Something different.

It's a small enough mention, but a gentle acknowledgement that sex is not actually what makes a relationship special! There's also a little easter egg in this episode for fans of a certain book/TV show popular on tunglr dot com, if I tell you that this letter, which mentions wielding a sword at the apocalypse-averting showdown, was tagged in the planning document as "ethereal/occult"... 😇😈

Episode Twenty Eight - Human Juice Box

The first unambigious, canonical declaration by a character of their asexual identity comes from a letter-writer affectionately known as Human Juice Box, with a question about how to make their queerplatonic partner feel more comfortable with the inherent intimacy of drinking another person's blood directly from their chewy meaty neck.

We already hold hands and cuddle and sometimes even shower together. But because neither of us intended it as romantic or sexual I've never considered it to be!

The letter-writer describes themselves as aromantic but not asexual, while their partner is asexual but not aromantic, and their letter explores what physical closeness and intimacy look like when sex is off the table. It also includes some fun world-building about NHS blood-bank deliveries for persons of haematophagic background 🧛

Episode Forty One - Mothman says Ace Rights!

Monstrous Agonies is largely made up of listener submissions, with some people writing in to riff off previous episodes and continue their ideas. Episode Forty One was one of these, where the in-universe letter made mention of hearing about QPRs on the radio, and having their interest piqued.

You're not alone in wanting intimacy without sex, devotion without romance.

Let this be a reminder to us all about the importance of being open about the diversity of sexual and romantic identities. Hearing the writer of Episode Twenty Eight talking about their relationship reassured this reclusive creature (I'm not saying it's Mothman but it's totally Mothman) that they can be non-monogamous and sex-repulsed, and still be as loved and cherished as they deserve 💖

Episode Fifty - Sex-Worker Succubus

For this letter-writer, sex itself wasn't the problem. As a sex worker who happened to be a succubus, they could see how useful sex could be as a way for their clients to blow off steam, while bringing in a steady income and energy source. But they weren't interested in doing it when they were off the clock - something their romantic partners could struggle to understand.

Yes, I feed on sexual energy; yes, I have sex for a living; yes, I enjoy sex. And no, I don't want to have sex with you, my romantic partner.

They're feeling the pressure of other people's expectations about them, both as a sex-worker and as a succubus. But as long as they stay true to themselves and communicate their needs, they're sure to find someone who can love them and celebrate them exactly as they are.

These are just four canonical mentions of aspec identities in the show - but as always, every character is up for interpretation! Who are your aspec headcanons? Is there anyone I missed? Does the existence of asexual vampires problematise the ace community's use of garlic bread-based humour? Let me know! 🖤💚🤍💜

[athena5898]

I probably shouldn't do this with the nature of my blog at this point, but I want to take a moment and rant a bit about gender shit.

I am genderfluid. I will never completely pass. I am technically a trans masc cause while I identify as both a man and a woman and both and neither at various times, all the time. I have a vagina, I have tits and i'm moving towards a more masculine build until I don't want to, and I have no idea when that will stop.

Yall…we have got to change how we talk about gender. Our struggles and our issues.

You need to actually talk to trans masculine people and stop fucking assuming what they go through. Please i'm fucking begging you. How the hell are you queer and just talking over us and around us and never including us?

I see so many weird assumptions about gender and oppression in regards to being a masculine woman and it never includes intersectionality.

I just heard a transwomen in a video say "If you are a woman it's almost seen as admirable if you act like a man and are seen as a man"

I'm going to talk about how fucking bad and wrong that is. How honestly gross it is to assume something like that.

Like, I get it, it comes from trauma and I don't hate the person for saying it, just…wish they didn't. It comes from this idea that "well me being AMAB and being a woman is seen as a bad thing, therefor the opposite must be good and celebrated"

it is not seen as good

It is not celebrated.

People get confused about what it means to be a masculine child and Girl Boss TM. Honestly, to explain how Girl Boss TM is actually just another form of subservient feminity wrapped up in an aesthetic of power and influence would be its own novel of a post, so I won't get into it here.

First. There are white women that are just at fault for upholding the patriarchy as men. Period. End of story. The idea that women are inherently victims and weak and can never do anything (including oppression) is patriarchy shit.

it was not men who held me down to force makeup on me. That was teenage girls. (This was after they chased me down)

it was not men I locked myself in a bathroom to get away from cause they were threatening to do my hair when I explicitly said I didn't want to. That was a woman.

I was not seen as desirable. I was not praised. I was not a woman or a man. I was a thing. A creature. A child at best. Because it's okay to be a tomboy as long as you grow out of it.

I am still seen this way even in the queer community.

I was bullied and picked on constantly. Going to school felt like going into battle every day.

Also, the "being seen as one of the guys" thing is a myth. They don't actually see you as a man or a guy. You're this weird third thing at times and a woman when you have an opinion that goes against the group. You are still a "woman" but just not a fuckable one. They don't take your opinions seriously and they'll slap that woman card on you real fast if you raise a fuss about bad behavior.

I'd love to say I was strong throughout but there was a period where I caved a little. I shaved my arm hair cause I got made fun of by this one kid on the bus in front of everyone. (Btw I have dark coarse hair and a little stubble facial hair even as a teen) I wore "girl" clothing a little bit. Women cut shirts, jeans etc. I always felt gross and wrong. People would tell me I looked cute but I felt terrible. I got depressed. I never could get my hair short enough cause some asshole would go "oh it's so nice long" "You don't want to cut it too short! you'll look like a boy!"

I just, I don't know where this privilege is that I'm supposed to have? I have fought every step of the way to be who I am now. I have had to grow and accept me outside of praise or love of anyone else and just rely on self…well not love but acceptance. Like I am privileged but it certainly isn't because i'm trans. (I'm white, I have a house cause I was able to get government assistance cause of said whiteness etc)

Even as I've come out as trans, I get overlooked a lot compared to others. There is this air that like, idk Like i'm not really trans or something?

Why is it okay for transwomen to talk about what I've been through? Why is this seen as okay? If I tried to talk about transwomen experiences I would rightfully be called out for that shit. Why is this okay? It…hurts a lot honestly.

Like…why is it okay to treat other trans people this way? I'd never dreamed to say "Oh being a man is better than being a woman" or "Feminity is always celebrated" even though yeah that last bit kinda feels that way sometimes, but I know that's not true and it's just the pain talking.

I'm just kinda tired of this oppression Olympic crap. As trans people shouldn't it be understood that intersectionality exists and while transition might be easy for some people, by the large it's a hell of an experience and it takes a lot of bravery to go down that path?

Cause like i'm making this post to share my experience cause apparently some of us need to yell more about these things. But like being trans is fucking hard. I'm sorry but without the analysis of intersectionality on a personal scale this whole "this group is more oppressed than the other" is fucking shit and honestly psyop level in it's stupidity.

Trans people are abused. Trans people are being targeted. Terf logic is fucking shit and upholds the patriarchy (also it's a cult) Patriarchy is centered around white colonist ideology.

GNC is not respected and is subjected to abuse

These things are true. and about as broad of a brush we can paint and still not get a full picture.

just…idk can we just stop diminishing trans oppression???

[manyminded]

reasons I probably have autism (non exhaustive list, I’m rlly sleepy rn but insomnia is kicking my ass)

special interests - to my understanding, they last longer and the things u r interested in are broader. the poster child for my sp/ins is the osc, a genre, which I have been heavily invested in for over a year. (side note: they feel a lot like hyperfixations, almost identical for me, but sp/ins last way longer. most hyperfixes, for me, last up to [but usually less than] 3 months.)

adhd and autism are comorbidities

while it’s hard to tell if you know me, I definitely struggle with social cues. I can read them well; but presenting them myself is hard. my mom always told me to stop talking to myself, I over share all the time, I ‘talk out of turn’, etc etc

even though I can READ social cues/rules I have a general disregard for them; I tend to think they’re stupid and bad. (one example is I refuse to shave my legs and care very little for skin care)

i was always “a pleasure to have in class”, and while that isn’t usually a sign of autism, I’ll tell you why it could be in me. I never knew what could get me in trouble, and the rsd I have makes me want to avoid that as much as possible - so I become over complacent, afraid to test boundaries and avoiding any slight danger to my “goodie two shoes” life.

almost all of my friends are autistic, or have some other flavor of neurodivergency. we come in packs. we can sniff each other out, man. (side note: in online spaces, I usually end up in primarily autistic communities, almost always on accident. it comes with the overlap of most communities I’m in that, while not inherently linked to autism, have a big portion of their members be autistic.)

A little related to the previous point - I can almost always tell when someone is autistic if I’ve hung out with them like, 2-3 times. It’s not even conscious it’s just an instinct of like “oh hey another of my kin. hello 👋” Yk?

sensory issues. I’ve always been a “texture girl,” especially when it comes to food - I have been a “picky eater” for most of my life (although that has started to lessen over the years.) and while sensory issues aren’t inherently autistic, they are closely linked.

the fact I’m writing this at all, tbh. no neurotypical would do this I don’t think

I always get really fucking mad when ppl are ableist, especially in the context of autism. but maybe that’s the other disabilities talking idk (the memory of kids saying “don’t make jokes about being autistic when you aren’t diagnosed!” and rolling my eyes because Have You Met Me)

tbh creature

there’s probably more but I’m sleepy and mostly writing this to spite my mother bcuz she insists I’m not autistic. for some unknown reason. idk man

[thenightfolknetwork]

Im a nypmh. A forest nymph specifically. My days are spent dancing and singing and existing in the forest I was born to. Its great really. My forest is even protected so I dont need to worry about any sapios coming in an bothering me!

But Im also trans. Im a guy. But nymphs are supposed to be feminine and Im. Not. Ive already felt myself loosing connection with this forest as I begun transitioning. Im scared that if I fully transition, Ill lose it entirely. Can that happen? Or is the forest just disappointed in me?

Should I stop my transition? Ive tried to communicate with the forest but she wont respond to me when I bring it up. Im just not sure what to do

I'm sorry your forest seems to be struggling with your transition, reader. However, I think there is plenty of reason to stay optimistic here. You know as well as anyone that, if a powerful nature spirit really doesn't want you around, you'd know about it. The fact you still have a connection with her means she still wants you to have a connection with her.

You're correct in saying that nymphs tend to be female, but my understanding is that this is a linguistic matter rather than a biological one. The word we use for females of your genus is “nymph”, while males with similar cultural identities tend to be referred to as “satyrs”.

Your feeling of disconnect are very likely more related to how you perceive yourself rather than how the forest is perceiving you. The fact is, you cannot simultaneously think of nymphs as inherently feminine, and of yourself as a nymph, while also respecting and celebrating your own masculine identity.

Your forest can feel that inner conflict. She can see you're no longer comfortable with your identity as a nymph, but doesn't have the tools to help you through that discomfort. All she can do is try to give you space, loosening her hold on you and allowing you the freedom to make your own choices.

So, what are those choices, exactly? For one thing, I certainly don't think stopping your transition is a good idea. Your gender is not defined by your body, and a lack of medical transition won't make you any less male.

It also won't solve the underlying issue – that you, as a man, do not feel able to identify as a nymph. In fact, I suspect it will serve to disconnect you even more from your body and your forest, with the pain of dysphoria acting as a constant reminder of the authentic, masculine self you're trying to hide.

Instead, I recommend either unpacking your gendered assumptions around being a nymph, or embracing a positive, male alternative identity for yourself. Do you feel able to say of yourself, “I am a man and a nymph and these do not contradict each other”? Or would you be more comfortable identifying as a satyr or some other identity that feels more affirming?

There isn't a right answer here. You need to find something that works for you. But you do need to make that decision, and try to heal this conflict inside you.

As you do, I feel certain your connection with your forest will bloom anew – different than it was, perhaps, but also more authentic, connecting not with a mere idea or aspiration, but with the man you truly are.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[grievedifferent]

Meta/drabble/thoughts on a verse where josh joins Jack hunting the monsters. What circumstances would he if at all, what would he do, there's plenty of more generic aus where josh gets saved but the stranger doesn't feature in Josh's delusions since they never met, etc. Would love whatever scattering of thoughts about "would josh ever use a flamethrower"? (Bonus points: my specific au of Jack & the themes of community and purpose, but also just generally about in-game Jack is perfect too!!!)

circumstances that might allow josh to join the stranger: an entire rewrite of the ending where jack is either injured or just not killed, but was separated from chris (potentially under the pretense of dead?), potential lodge explosion still (but a definite vacancy of the survivors), but josh is still left behind. from there, he is found by the stranger, ironically the body he was supposed to consume to start changing should he make the wrong choices. assuming this pans out, jack could take an ailing josh, turning him into a sort of heir, especially with josh's seemingly inherent binding to this curse (which i associate to the greed of his father, i suppose, though it's sad bc the purchase of the mountain to the washington family is this first "big" display of wealth, bought supposedly for his young family, but i assume bragging rights, too ... others are buying cars, washington is buying mountains).

a potential au where josh went missing younger / in his earlier teens and is picked up / never returned? if hannah and beth can so easily go missing, so can josh.

would he use a flamethrower? absolutely. he foreshadows the use of them with chris ... or more not even foreshadows as we've seen them being used with beth and hannah's prologue scenes via the stranger, but he does make reference to them. i think it would be an easier transition considering josh is likely familiar with also using a gun, given you can have chris be a pretty sharpshooter, which we can associate from his time with josh's dad. why wouldn't josh be a good shooter, too? if not better than chris? (or even funnier ... worse ... i'm fine with either).

i think dealing with josh's mental health would potentially be something the stranger / jack would seek to assist with in a more spiritual way? it's not a cure, he knows that, but it's something josh has probably struggled with, so could potentially bring comfort or routine or something to him to give him a coping skill since all modern skills are no longer available to him.

one thing about josh is that he hates being told what to do. this would definitely be a problem between them for a while, jack having to earn josh's trust (and the problem of why should i have to earn it at all?) and getting josh to cooperate. out of all the cast, i think josh (while physically clearly capable when he's optimal) is the worst to pick as a mentor for this sort of thing when he's not able to have access to any sort of treatment. he's not doing well with treatment.

yet, in saying this, there is a path here that i see ... josh's hallucinations do involve the creatures, so perhaps assuaging and affirming him that that is real might help him continue this natural resistance he has? he openly fights these things, he doesn't want to slip into the hallucinations, and we see him resist with as much logic and willpower as he can before he's overcome.

until dawn is all about duality and choice ... with the right choices, josh could be definitely swayed into at least potentially being somewhat fit to inherit the role. he's no mike, but he's a big guy ... he's also a natural fighter, even if his bravery stat is one of the lowest, i have argued against that a lot. i don't think that makes sense for him. he is very brave. he is also protective. if he's also lost his family in some capacity, not even to death, finding family is big for him. having the wolves to "big brother" might help, having jack as a stand-in mentor/father/older brother figure to josh might also help. he needs structure and foundations he is familiar with, or they need to be made for him to fall into, if that makes sense?

bonus: i think josh would enjoy the fiddle. it might relax him.

josh comes into a lot of this knowing nothing. mike is the propeller for us, the audience, to connect the two plots of the missing girls with what josh has created with what the stranger and the mines bring to the story. without mike's persistence, we'd never know. he'd need to be taught, but he isn't at least a "rich boy" in the way of not knowing how to use his hands. he's definitely active, knows how to use generators, knows how to build sets, butcher pigs, and seems pretty athletic despite not being an athlete. he can take a hit and stabbing decently well, though he is absolutely going out of reality by this point (hanging on barely), so his adrenaline is also all over the place. in this instance, without a "mike", jack would be the history teacher to josh, who is coming into the plot as a "mc" from another side of the story that has no real idea of what's actually going on on this mountain. — @mountaindmned

[sahonithereadwolf]

I want to hear about the cool new werewolf metaphors and the terror 👀

I think one of the biggest reasons werewolves don't have as easy of a time connecting as a terrifying thing is how far removed cultural whiteness is from nature and the wilderness. Like people have no idea how intimidating a wolf is or what a wolf means. Let alone a wolf with the mind of a man and the compunctions that implies. They see...big dog. People don't want to be scared by the big dog, they want to pet it. There is no respect for the wolf as it's own being let alone a part of nature. The fear of the werewolf lies in two forms. Reminding people that a werewolf is a force of nature. Not in a "this is a tornado with a vendetta" sort of way, but a "this is a living being with agency and a place and surviving, but largely indifferent to your being" way. Like a bear or tiger. A bear or tiger does not care for your morals. It holds no stock to them. it is living by it's own moral standards. By it's nature. And you respect that or you learn the hard way why you should have like every year a collection of tourist who try to have their disney princess moment with a buffalo live for instagram do. The other form is within the metaphor. The werewolf is an inherently sympathetic creature as a person who is also a, well, person, at least some of the time. Most of the time when you see a werewolf it is a stand in for a very human idea of violence in one form or another be it rage, sexualized violence, vengeance. Man giving into the beast. It's often very much cast as masculine for that reason. Toxic masculinity made manifest. Puberty is another big one because you have bodies and hair and sometimes the moon matters. Like it makes sense but I am tired of these and most of them never connect. I think there is room for them. I love seeing what trans artist have made with the idea of a werewolf. I think I would have a lot to say about puberty from a racialized angle and what it's like being seen as a monster and predator at 10. But it's sympathetic and centering a marginalized experience. The terror is experiencing the sympathy for the "monster" and the human reaction to it. And it can be in many forms. Both the lens through which we see that monster and the human reaction to it. I think there is something poetic and sad about the werewolf as an outsider or someone who walks in two worlds. A creature that is so intrinsically social being denied connection to a community, or having to fight for that. I use to write a lot of werewolf fic based off my struggles with PTS. Seeing yourself as a monster that you need to keep under control. But being too afraid of letting go of that monster because you might still need it to survive. How tired and cold it makes you. I just think that if people want to pet the wolf, you make them need it. Understand the wolf on it's own terms and the horrors it sees.

[lifenconcepts]

I feel my soul shining, I really do. To see among the cracks of what makes our reality - I’m utterly blessed and grateful for the gashed or light within us, what there more than to just bask in this feeling?

Alive, I am alive. Yet so are you. God. The only thing I struggle with is letting go of my perception - I’ve already sacrificed plenty more to reach a state of peak nirvana and I don’t regret a thing, but it is a mistake both to keep and to lose perception - on one hand, I will finally be free from the expectations and opinions of others, holding myself to my own values.. yet on the other - I won’t be able to limit myself in expressing these thoughts! oh I just know people are eager to proclaim me insane, anything along the lines of schizophrenic, god complex, bpd, whatever you have up your sleeve - I know I did, I simply couldn’t get my mind around how there could be something so wildly present around me and everywhere yet that also exists nowhere, it didn’t go with my beliefs! the things that very much made me! I’ve grown to appreciate concrete things and make sure everything is able to be understood and defined, but now my guides just.. allow me to see that meaning has no meaning?

I used to be afraid. Afraid of the unknown. I think we all were at some point; new places, new people, new ideas, new things, new concepts, new opportunities, new paths, and new ways of life and thought. I used to think of any way I could be proven wrong or unpleasant something could happen, “what if it’s all just in my head?! What if I won’t be able to stay sane and coherent if I found out some galactical truth!?” Well I tell you one thing for sure, it came naturally. I didn’t need to seek or destroy or beg for anything, enlightenment eventually came, I always knew it would, but it’s all too uniform. I know they’re holding out on me, entrusting me with baby steps, as in my eyes - I’m already far ahead of where I expected I could be, I’m leaving most people behind with the way my mind progresses - I understand them yet they’re no longer me, and boy oh boy does it feel strangely pleasant… still, as per my desperate requests, they’re allowing me to sit and process. We’re unable to just suddenly obtain it all and stay coherent, it’s too much to take in at once, let alone accept or share. So to communicate is to stay more or less stationary and take baby steps, to advance is to venture onward without fear of losing something else, but to be truly godly is to not lose yourself and the things that make you.

Values can change and evolve, it’s only right. I’ve went from being against, for, and with the queer community, but as I’ve experienced all stages and points, I’ve just progressed further - a state of no longer even owning the concepts. Gender? Sexuality? I understand what you mean, I do.. yet I simply left them behind. Yes, yes ofcourse I remember how it was and understand you, it’s as if I’m in your blood, yet I’ve grown out of it. No it doesn’t mean you will too, and yes for your comfort I’ll still go by what I once did, as I truly understand. I can still be who I was, and I will continue as such, yet I’m simply not my past self. Identities always have and will change - but if you’re not ready to accept things into the realm of the divine I’ll be unaffected. You know how a dog may carry on being a puppy? That’s what you are to me. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, it’s actually beautiful, yet to a bystander it’s clear that what made the canine still stayed there, and it just never really matured. In all honesty, nothing is ever made the same, no dog, no human. Its all just concepts either way - language must be taught as it’s also a made up factor, yet you know what always stays? What continues to be, no matter how broke and battered, happy and sacred, determined and restless, weak and sick a creature may be? Being. Wether it be hurt, scared, excited, worried, thankful, confused, yearning, hungry, considerate, kind, strong..

To be able to figure out the ins and outs, the whys and hows, isn’t a byproduct - it’s a privilege. A treat. A gift for how far we’ve already come. You think there’s a purpose more than simply being? Don’t humour me! The only thing you must do is quench the desire within your soul. Human existence may be inherently unknown, but a life is a path. A path your soul chose to take and live through - it has its own goals and desires, STOP LIVING A LIFE THAT SOCIETY MADE YOU and hear the little pounding light within, what makes you feel whole? Strangely happy? Fulfilled? What’s that thing you just can’t stop loving despite having no clue why it is or where it formed? Is it an interest, a hobby, a place? Where do you feel at home - no, truly.. home. Is there a burning flame inside you that wants an activity or have other people stuffed it. Stop comparing yourself to the achievements of others - you were never meant to do that no matter what other led you to believe, shut your forced logic and feel.. feel the energy coursing through you, feel your heart beat. Feel it beating. Can you hear? What does the sky tell you? The desires must be quenched. What do you crave?! No- what does your soul, your soul! Your soul want.. please hear your soul, it’s begging you, ITS CALLING! can’t you see - fate brought you here.

you were never meant to be a product of a system, you’re meant to bloom and blossom. Have you become what you set out to be? Have you!? Where’s that child - where are those whimsical dreams?

hear the wind, the whistling silence. It’s deafening. It’s suffocating. You’ll burn out like a dying star before you look upon your grace with contentness. All are different and all need specific approaches, so find yours. Find… yours.

[dragongutsixofficial]

Never in my life will I understand why all cinema adaptations from The Mysterious Island stray so much from the book, to the point that they are two radically different stories.

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE the prospect of a remote treasure island inhabited by strange, eerie creatures- heck, even dinosaurs ! These stories are always a blast. Who knew what nature was hiding from humankind all along ? And how powerless are we against it? How fast can it erase us, along with the island, out of existence ?

But.. The Mysterious Island was never about what nature can do. It has always been about humanity, its good and its bad.

It has always been about a group of people finding themselves stranded on an island they know nothing about, with a teenager and a dog to take care of, and coming together to decide that they're gonna make something out of it. That they're not just gonna survive, they're gonna have a good life.

It has always been about them learning to love their new home and making it their own, it has always been about finding love and appreciation when you could let despair overcome you because humans keep hoping.

It has always been about what the love of a found family can do, against all odds.

It has always been about reaching out your hand to one another, and accepting them as your own even though you have no reason to. About how humankind is inherently good and enclined to help someone who is alone and struggling, and making them part of a community no matter what their past is.

It has always been about hubris.

It has always been about us seeing too big.

It has always been about us exploiting nature until it can't take it anymore. Until it isn't nature anymore.

It has always been about our spectacular lack of foresight.

It has always been about always striving to have more and better things, no matter how that might impact us in the future.

It has always been about the lack of responsibility humans feel towards the natural order of things, to the point that it can disappear overnight.

It has always been about beginning again, together, and honoring the memory of what we've lost.

It has always been about one of the most iconic polycules i've ever seen, their adopted son, their dog and their monkey.

It has always been about nitroglycerin.

A lot of nitroglycerin.

It has always been about Jules Verne needing to change the dates of Twenty thousand leagues under the sea just so his messy chronology could even attempt to start making sense.

It has always been about each new page being even more batshit crazy than the last.

It has always been about being a beautiful mess.

And it needn't be Jurassic Parc to be awesome.

[2c75ff]

♛ + Viopolis ( would not blame you for choosing to focus on just one muse; I have a decently-sized roster and feed a bunch into them when I have the chance )

🔵 -- 'MY OPINION ON...' meme . ACCEPTING

my opinion on;

CHARACTER IN GENERAL. I've chosen to focus on Nucleotide for this particular response, henceforth referred to as 'Cleo'.

One of my favorite things about Cleo thus far is how his very existence, and the fact that he's such a mental mess about it in the first place, raises a variety of weighty questions about the nature of his being and the overall place he occupies in the world.

(For instance: is he fated -- [doomed, even] -- to be 'bad' just because his progenitor was? Do his origins mean that he didn't deserve a chance at life in the first place? Does his unstable sense of belonging within a broader community -- in combination with the ever-present, latent threat that he could very well present to humanity if he ever chose to -- mean that he's inherently evil? How much of his emotional struggles [with himself and with others] is he allowed to show and be forgiven for before those things should be held against him or taken as proof of some kind of inherited and inescapable malevolence? Is he allowed to make mistakes, regress, or fluctuate emotionally in the way that others often do without it being seen as a sign that he's just a ticking time bomb waiting to inevitably go off? Will he ever be considered 'good', or is he always going to be just one wrong move away from becoming a villain [perhaps one he was always meant to be] in the eyes of those around him? The list truly does go ever on and on.)

And here's the thing about it. While I might have my own responses to all of those questions, I can't necessarily take for granted that my answers are 'right' within the scope of the universe Cleo operates in, or that they fall in line with whatever fate (or in this case, you) might have in store for him. He truly is a creature of opposites -- a chimeric, conflicted, deeply confused entity caught in the midst of warring urges and warring inputs that, when you get right down to it, are not actually his fault. He can't help the who, what, why of his existence, and yet everyone who crosses paths with him can see it and bring their own baggage to the table. It's never solely, truly about him. It's unfortunate. It's unfair. The world he was brought into really is just that kind of bitch sometimes -- and yet here he is all the same, making some kind of unsure, fumble-footed effort to stay on the right side of The Line, for all that he doesn't always necessarily feel that kind of charitable and for all that he isn't always necessarily graceful about it. He may or may not be doomed by the narrative in the long run, but the fact that he even cares in the first place about being accepted, about having a place, about being good says more about him than he himself might realize.

What's more relatable than the struggle of not wanting the wreckage of your being to be seen for exactly what it is, while simultaneously longing for just the same?

What's more relatable than wanting someone to See, and not look away in the end?

(...Okay, yeah; I'm big attached already. Call me out, why don't you.)

HOW THEY PLAY THEM. One of your strengths that I'm already noticing as I gain familiarity with your blog -- (and this applies to everyone you play; not Cleo alone) -- is that you allow your characters ample room to be difficult, wrong, or ugly, even (or perhaps especially) if they aren't necessarily villainous or 'bad people'.

It's always seemed to me that many writers struggle with some protective sentiments toward the characters they play, especially if those characters are OCs -- a certain desire for the characters to not act foolishly and to not be pathetic; to always have 'an excuse' for why the moments when they're wrong, or making a poor choice, or otherwise exhibiting any kind of unattractive trait shouldn't be held against them. By comparison, you seem to treat your characters' traits less as inherent negatives and more as parts of the greater whole which must be seen and acknowledged in order to understand the entirety of the picture. No more and no less. You let them have their good, their bad, their everything in between, without trying to buff away their imperfect facets. The end result, in my opinion, is a pleasingly complicated sense of 'realness'.

Bringing this back more specifically to Cleo, you take care to explain his conflicted nature, permit him to have negative traits both large and small, and don't try to convince your audience that he's above reproach or entirely clean-handed in the moments where he actually expresses those traits or otherwise acts in ways that would make him difficult for most people to handle. For a multitude of reasons, Cleo would be a hard person with whom to develop or maintain any kind of meaningful relationship; and I think you're good at striking an important balance between making him sympathetic, and letting him still be troubled in ways that have effects on and consequences for those around him. He's isolated, yet not an island. I can't help but feel a very particular variety of affectionate over him.

THE WRITER. Right up front, I appreciate the fact that you present yourself in an engaging, friendly, enthusiastic manner, without "uwu-ify"-ing yourself in the process. I understand that many people are shy and/or anxious, and that there's a certain, unspoken expectation in many of these kinds of spaces for players to preemptively assuage others' nerves by making themselves appear as small and non-threatening as possible. However, I am very much an adult -- (I do taxes. I have a Roth IRA.) -- and find that I gravitate most readily toward other adults who occupy their space with a certain measure of basic self-assurance. You do that without coming across like a hard-ass, and I find that wildly refreshing.

do i;

FOLLOW THEM. Of course. RP WITH THEM. Not yet. WANT TO RP WITH THEM. Naturally. SHIP THEIR CHARACTER WITH MINE. I would need to see these two in action with each other before I could properly say -- get an idea of the initial flavor of the dynamic, gauge where and how that dynamic might progress given time and tending; all that. I'd be absolutely open to the possibility though if indeed a facet like that proved to be both reasonable for them and interesting for us. In any case I can see abundant opportunities for a great deal of long-term emotional strangeness on both their ends, regardless of whether or not romantic chemistry ever gets involved.

And if indeed it does get involved, then what an extra fun little minefield they'll be navigating when the time comes where those strange pains in Cleo's ribs and abdomen sprout at last into something greater...

(Why yes, I am forever snared within the jaws of my fondness for scenarios with thematic similarities to [a] The Shape of Water, and [b] The Fly. Why do you ask?)

what is my;

OVERALL OPINION. 'I would die for [him]. I would kill for [him]. Either way, what bliss.'

[ @viopolis ]

[leonbloder]

The Power of Community

Last night, I saw Iron Maiden, one of my favorite bands.  I had a ticket for the "pit," meaning I was standing in a packed crowd not too far from the stage.  The crowd was hot and sweaty, but I forgot all about my discomfort when the band hit the stage. 

At one point, I looked around me at a nearly sold-out arena full of people singing along to familiar songs, and I was once again struck by how powerful it is to be part of something bigger than you.  

The first time I saw Iron Maiden was thirty-seven years ago.  Last night, I was wearing a replica concert shirt from that show in Lakeland, FL (the original was sold at a garage sale years ago).  A teenage kid about my age back then saw what I was wearing and said, "Cool shirt, man."  

I felt even more at home in the crowd, realizing that someone who wasn't even born when I went to my first Maiden show recognized and honored my commitment as a fan.     

In our fast-paced world, where individualism often seems to reign supreme, it is vital to remember the profound meaning found in the community. 

We have all experienced moments of challenge, heartbreak, and doubt, but during these times, the power of connection truly shines. 

Community is not merely the people we are surrounded by; it is an intricate tapestry of relationships that nourishes our souls, spurs our growth, and gives us a sense of belonging.

In his influential book Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam observes that “the decline of American community life has wrought a subtle but profound change in our lives.” His words remind us that when we isolate ourselves from one another, we lose the fabric of our social connections and the opportunities for support and understanding that these relationships provide. 

Humans are inherently social creatures. In moments of pain or struggle, our communities step in to lift us up. They are our pillars of strength, reminding us that we are never truly alone.

A strong community can serve as a healing balm for our wounds. Whether it’s the embrace of a friend, the heartfelt conversation with a neighbor, or the shared laughter of family, these connections foster an environment where we can openly express our feelings. 

When we unite to support one another, we create a safe space for vulnerability and authenticity. This communal atmosphere allows us to heal and grow, moving forward as resilient individuals—collectively turning our wounds into sources of strength.

Spiritual growth is another essential element that flourishes in community. It’s where we find the courage to explore our beliefs, question our assumptions, and broaden our understanding of the world. 

The author of Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages us with these words:  

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” 

This verse beautifully encapsulates the necessity of communal engagement in our spiritual journeys. By sharing our experiences and insights, we light the path for one another, enabling growth that transcends the limitations of individual understanding.

In his book Made To Belong, David Kim reinforces that community is foundational to our human experience. He states, “We are not meant to live life alone; we are made to belong.” 

This powerful declaration reminds us that belonging is integral to our well-being. In relationships, we find encouragement to pursue our passions, the courage to face challenges, and the grace to accept our imperfections. Cultivating connections with others creates a support system that honors our individuality while celebrating our shared humanity.

Additionally, cultivating a life-giving community requires intention and sometimes vulnerability. It means reaching out, opening your heart, and being willing to listen to others. It is about creating a culture of acceptance where diverse voices matter, and everyone feels welcome to contribute. 

Remember, everyone has their own struggles and triumphs, and by sharing these experiences, we weave a deeper bond between ourselves and others.

As you embark on this journey to build or enhance your community connections, keep this encouraging message close to your heart: You have the power create warmth and inclusivity in your surroundings. 

As we step forward and sow seeds of compassion and understanding, we uplift ourselves and strengthen the very fabric of our communities. 

May you seek places that resonate with your values and invite others to share their stories and experiences. 

May you make a conscious choice to invest in cultivating communities that are not only inclusive but also truly supportive and life-giving. 

May you discover that the connections we create and the love we share often spark healing and growth. 

And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all, now and forever. Amen. 

[notmuchtoconceal]

I remember when I used to try to divorce my fantasy creations from sociology, religion, and history to convey them in what I believed was their purist form. Concepts of hubris, of competition, of tragedy, of comedy...climax, the Third Act, God and gods and goddesses, witches, warriors, landscapes, the coming storm, the eye, the future, the past. They still existed, and they were still deeply religious and historic. But they were MY religions, MY histories.

Names stemming from nothing that meant nothing. No Josephs. No Marys. You can guess where things will go from a name. This man's name is Calaf. "No doubt you'll have a story where none shall sleep."

But the names meant everything, because I harvested them out of darkness, just like Dear Mr. Benevolence.

No calendars with their calendar names. Not even goodbye--God Be With Ye. Woof.

Language Demon knows, with his addiction to Reduction. The Greeks do not own tragedy. Christians do not own the concept of redemption. If I tie my own creations to their common religio-socio-historic what-have-you branches, my art can only be framed from that branch. But I can brainwash (ahem) *influence* the maximum number of people if I write from the Human form instead.

I implore you to embrace the creaturely.

You're lucky I had a 16 hour work day, or this would be much longer and less sloppy. If you want stakes to my game, I can propose them. Or you can. Force me to do something for you if I lose. I have my own ideas, but let's hear yours first.

Now. *e4.* It's your move.

That you pair Joseph with Mary (and not with James) shows you have quite a particular one in mind. If I told you there were at least three Biblical Josephs to choose from, one could snidely condescend: Sure. The one who was a great son, the one who was a great father, and the one who shared cocktails with the lord. This is another giveaway of the fixation on the superficial, for you seem to care less what's in a name and more what the name has to give to you. If I said that the very sounds of the word "Joseph" communicated the personality inherent in the name for the ways with which the vibrations of those sounds rippled through the air as well as the physical body of the speaker, would you dismiss that as pseudo-scientific hokum? If I told you a name was a curse, for every time one is referred to, one is reframed according to the speakers whim, you would certainly agree. The right to choose your own name -- to make a break with your legal, parental or "God-given" name (as one does when becoming a witch or a rockstar or simply swapping sex) liberates one for it bends not only consciousness, but sound itself to their invisible will.

If I said, as a follow-up, that for every new Joseph which comes into being (or any new anyone) the chain of associations has the capacity to evolve to account for new and even contradictory associations, would you have anything contrary? Is something you will from the darkness and claim as your own a new thing or a dead thing? Is it a bit like overbearing white mothers (aware that their air of social prestige gives them "influence" over like-minded twits) who decide to give their children soap opera names or irregular spellings to common ones (not to change them in anyway, but simply give the glamor of "difference"?) Not that I would ever shame anyone for desperately, desperately wanting to try, but you know -- certain forms of desperation speak to an alienated will looking to correct itself, while others speak to a similar will looking to bury itself.

The sheer amount of effort I've seen some men give to developing self-destructive impotence is truly mind-boggling, but then I suppose some simply crave to die, yet also struggle to be honest with themselves in any meaningful way.

My favorite thing you do is the bait-and-switch before coming on subtle. It gives you all the appearance of a friend, yet also gives ample warning.

Any man who trusts you is a fool.

Any man who fails to see how your disgracefully reductionistic attitude reduces all your terabytes of processing power to a mere self-serving parlor trick deserves the ways in which you will inevitably fuck him over.

Keep feeding, you ugly lil leech.

For any men with the wisdom to peel you off and cast you in the fire after you've gotten a good glug or two, you're remarkably good at breaking up clots and encouraging fresh flow, much like the pussy you are.

[dufferpuffer]

Old post, I know - but revisiting this… I think I can better voice disagreements I felt before but couldn't say.

First off - the Author is a fucking weirdo. Saying she based it on AIDs was a gross mistake. There is a lot of antisemitism in HP. The way Lycanthropy is treated gives it a strange combination of being shockingly insightful in regards to disabled experience while also being almost completely glossed over as a theme. Very strange. I'm not defending any of that - it's just a different discussion that I'm not touching with a barge pole rn.

But I take issue in the idea that ◎ "The line between prejudice and self-preservation on the part of wizards is blurry at best." I don't think the text frames it that way. I don't think it's blurry.

I think it is framed as prejudice over self-preservation through: + wizarding society being full of blatant misinformation. + werewolves being most viciously hated by Death Eaters and those who would lump them in with purity-driven bigotry against 'half-breeds' (they are not half anything) - while the heroes are sympathetic and treat Beings, Beasts and 'half-breeds' well - not just Remus. + werewolves hardly being a problem in the war outside of Greyback who is a weirdo himself + Harry's concept of Remus being 'normal' is framed as the rare and correct way to view him. + Lupin thrives with support and acceptance. He struggles with accepting himself, but succeeding in that is framed as the positive outcome. ...

◎ "the marginalized group she establishes through Lupin actually DOES do these things. It's not that there's unfounded bias because a group is "other" because the bias is based in repeatedly perpetuated violence that's inherent to the nature of this mythical, fictional creature. Lupin is an outlier in that he isolates himself during the full moon; it's made clear that most werewolves in this world don't take precautions."(Quote small for space)

This is simply not in the text. There is no evidence of repeatedly perpetuated violence - despite the violent nature of their illness. There is evidence of unrest and dissatisfaction, lead by a cult leader - but that is not inherent to Lycanthropy. It is more common to being marginalized with no hope of escape.

While Lupin is indeed an outlier in how he lives (though who knows how many werewolves are managing to live like he did until he was exposed) there is no proof society experiences much werewolf violence at all.

ALL cases of werewolf violence we hear of have been from Fenrir Greyback himself. Maybe one other werewolf rumored to be Greyback, but still working on Fenrir/Voldemorts orders. This is despite the fact Fenrir has been intentionally growing the Werewolf population, creating communes away from society - taking kids from their homes and raising them with his values:

“Fenrir Greyback is, perhaps, the most savage werewolf alive today. He regards it as his mission in life to bite and to contaminate as many people as possible; he wants to create enough werewolves to overcome the wizards. Voldemort has promised him prey in return for his services. Greyback specializes in children… Bite them young, he says, and raise them away from their parents, raise them to hate normal wizards. Voldemort has threatened to unleash him upon people’s sons and daughters; it is a threat that usually produces good results.” (HBP ch16; Lupin's POV)

('Produces good results' - suggests less children get bitten than are threatened.)

Even with this threat stalking their kids since the first war people don't seem to know much about Lycanthropy. They don't recognize the signs and are full of misunderstandings of the condition. Being bitten by an uncontrollable transformed werewolf is a tragedy that will separate you from society - being bitten by an un-transformed werewolf is basically unheard of:

“You said Greyback attacked him?” Mr. Weasley asked Professor McGonagall distractedly. “But he hadn’t transformed? So what does that mean? What will happen to Bill?”“We don’t yet know,” said Professor McGonagall, looking helplessly at Lupin. “There will probably be some contamination, Arthur,” said Lupin. “It is an odd case, possibly unique… We don’t know what his behavior might be like when he awakens…” (HBP ch29)

So even when uncontrollable werewolf bites are rare - and when controllable, they're unheard of. Because they aren't violent.

All this paints Fenrir as a strong outlier amongst his own people, his own communes, his own ideology - and he seems to work alone. Which makes sense, if you want to infect people (especially children) its dangerous enough having ONE werewolf around, let alone a pack.

“Yes. My father had offended him. I did not know, for a very long time, the identity of the werewolf who had attacked me; I even felt pity for him, thinking that he had had no control, knowing by then how it felt to transform. But Greyback is not like that. At the full moon, he positions himself close to victims, ensuring that he is near enough to strike. He plans it all. And this is the man Voldemort is using to marshal the werewolves.[…]" (HBP ch16)

Greyback's thirst for blood is an outlier - and is part showmanship. I'm sure he does enjoy soft girl flesh or whatever, but he enjoys grossing people out about it just as much. His monstrous image, social and physical, is cultivated and meticulously kept.

“Is that you, Fenrir?” asked Dumbledore. “That’s right,” rasped the other. “Pleased to see me, Dumbledore?” “No, I cannot say that I am.” Greyback grinned, showing pointed teeth. Blood trickled down his chin and he licked his lips slowly, obscenely.“But you know how much I like kids, Dumbledore.”“Am I to take it that you are attacking even without the full moon now? This is most unusual… You have developed a taste for human flesh that cannot be satisfied once a month?”“That’s right,” said Fenrir Greyback. “Shocks you that, does it, Dumbledore? Frightens you?” […] “I wouldn’t want to miss a trip to Hogwarts, Dumbledore,” rasped Greyback. “Not when there are throats to be ripped out. Delicious, delicious…” And he raised a yellow fingernail and picked at his front teeth, leering at Dumbledore. “I could do you for afters, Dumbledore.” (HBP ch27)

“Your boyfriend’s going to have worse than that done to him if he’s on my list,” said the horribly familiar, rasping voice. “Delicious girl… What a treat… I do enjoy the softness of the skin…” Harry’s stomach turned over. […] “Reckon she’ll let me have a bit of the girl when she’s finished with her?” Greyback crooned as he forced them along the corridor. “I’d say I’ll get a bite or two, wouldn’t you, ginger?” Harry could feel Ron shaking. (DH ch23)

So why do Werewolves follow him, if they aren't relishing in blood and flesh like him? If they aren't violent people and not making problems on the Full Moon, staying obscure...?

“How come they like Voldemort?” “They think that, under his rule, they will have a better life,” said Lupin. “And it is hard to argue with Greyback out there." (HBP ch16)

A better life. They can't fit into society - but want to.

They are pushed to the outskirts by segregation laws, misinformation and prejudice - long before Fenrir was even bitten. They are safe 98% of the year - the 12 nights they aren't are obvious, easy to contain, the dangerous part of their condition is treatable… but there have been no measures to make such things accessible.

Werewolves need to suffer just to survive within society - not because they 'can't keep themselves safe'. They DO. All Remus needs is a solid room or supervision - and preferably a potion. All the other werewolves seem to need is distance. They are hated because they are disabled - 'impure'.

We see this in Lupin: with the dignity of some support, safety facilities and medication he is a wonderful, happy teacher. He made a dangerous mistake under extreme circumstances, but the reason he left Hogwarts wasn't that he had a dangerous slip-up - nobody knew he had exposed himself to children.

He left over fear of a rumor causing backlash he couldn't handle. It was likely the thing that triggered harsher werewolf-segregation laws, given the timing - and it had an effect on Albus' reputation. All of that... just because someone said he was sick, without proof.

So the prejudice is only loosely based on the idea that they CAN be dangerous - with very few examples outside of extreme individuals. Such is the same with many disabilities, physical and mental. ...

◎ "This isn't a metaphor for bias, marginalization, or othering, and trying to claim it is can give you blinders for how you approach these issues in real life, so I would encourage people to think about the text critically and consider whether they genuinely think it's good metaphorical representation, or if they're just twisting themselves in knots to justify their blorbo." (Quote small for space)

Lycanthropy doesn't fit neatly into any specific label, only the broad umbrella of 'disability' - especially how it relates to poverty. (which is why her saying it was based on AIDS is so uughh - because it is NOT similar to HIV other than being contagious and feared. Like other disabilities.)

Like many with under-studied, misunderstood or feared disabilities (which includes HIV) they are pushed to the outskirts of society. Too sick to meet expectations and intentionally excluded - they often find themselves homeless, joining communities to survive... and are especially vulnerable to cults and gangs, who can offer the dream of brighter futures, a sense of belonging, treatment and care.

I think the big mistake here is that it isn't framed strongly enough. Lycanthropy of course takes a backseat to Harry's story - but a little more had to be done to portray the messages of how they should be treated vs how they are. We get glimpses, but they're so scattered between the masses of bigotry from almost every character (bar Albus, Harry, Arthur and Dean) that it's drowned out and watery.

Masses of self-loathing from our main werewolf that isn't addressed outside the framework of a romantic/sexual relationship. News on the werewolf that was in hospital with Arthur would have been good - insisting he gets support, keeping him away from Greyback when at his most vulnerable... but there's nothing. A little more time with Greyback to highlight further that even he isn't a crazy killer, but an intentional leader of a rebellion.

It is clumsy and scattered - but I do think this framing is what was intended. The author has life experience barely escaping homelessness with a disabled mother and suffering her own illnesses, witnessing and experiencing social exclusion, needing to fight for basic needs and rely on the kindness of individuals for any medical or social support (especially in Thatcher times, bleegh)

Everything to do with Remus is TOO spot-on to be thoughtless. ...But that doesn't mean Snape was wrong, even within his incorrect prejudice. As a disabled person myself: I think Snape was doing his best in a difficult and terrifying situation.

...

◎ "Was Lupin going to teach werewolves at all? It's on the third year curriculum, but the trio end up in the Shrieking Shack at the end of the year, after final exams, and only Hermione knows about werewolves. He doesn't just scrap Snape's essay. It seems like where Lupin had the opportunity to teach about werewolves in a more progressive, inclusive way, he instead didn't teach it at all - even though he fully knows he's an outlier and that after third year no one will teach these students about werewolves, leaving them vulnerable to all the others who aren't like Lupin and do enjoy targeting people deliberately" (Quote small for space)

Go off!!!! ❤❤❤ SO true - Lupin absolutely wouldn't have taught it. He is a pussy ass motherfucker who isn't interested in improving the lives of werewolves. He wants to scrape by, play-pretending he isn't disabled as much as possible because of internalized prejudice. The same prejudice Snape has, only aimed inwards. (he is MY pussy ass motherfucker ❤ you are so real to be weary of it all Remus)

All I’m trying to say is that you don’t even have to be a pinnacle of morality, goodness, and intelligence to challenge bias, even when it’s posed to you in education.

They’re taught how to identify and kill werewolves by Snape, who clearly went out of his way to curate and deliver this particular lecture.

Ah yes... how unreasonable for Severus to teach the class the textbook curriculum for their subject. Which they are behind in - partially due to having shitty teachers, Remus falling behind on his work due to his illness and/or being a new teacher (he is disorganized too, and gets some facts wrong) - and perhaps partially due to him intentionally avoiding the topic.

After all: he didn't shorten the essay they were given on werewolves, or give them more time to do it - or do anything to make Severus' lesson with them worthwhile for their education. He instantly cancelled it - and was pleased everyone was so upset.

And I don't really blame Remus for that. He was scared. Students had worked him out twice in the past. But I don't blame Severus for focusing on it, either.

On Wolfsbane Remus seems to only takes 2 or so days off a month. The likelihood of it landing on their class twice in a year is slim. Severus has one chance to really drill this werewolf lesson home. Teaching them how to defend themselves against a werewolf is a HIGH priority, especially for Potters class:

Because he believes Remus is working with Sirius Black - the man who got Lily killed. And for good reason: all year Remus has been antagonizing and gaslighting him, spending time with Potter and blatantly lying about things he didn't need to lie about.

Severus believes Remus to be a dangerous man, beyond even a dangerous werewolf. Him doing all that he can to educate students to potentially defend themselves from someone working alongside a murderer, a known betrayer of his friends, is responsible.

You say you 'don't need to be a pinnacle of morality, goodness, and intelligence to challenge bias' - that's true. But typically you need at least something to prove what you have been taught from infancy to be true is actually false. What has Remus ever done that might make Severus consider he might be more than what society says werewovles are? Bully him? Gaslight him? Intentionally antagonize him? Bystand with a position of power? Sneak around? Lie? Undermine him? The BEST thing on Remus' record, as far as Severus is concerned, is that he doesn't seem to have killed or bitten anyone yet. YET.

+ Severus keeps his secret for 18 years. + He makes his Wolfsbane potion (highly difficult) PERFECTLY every month so, as Remus says, he 'didn't suffer as much'. Severus could have damaged him or exposed him if he tampered with the potion, but he didn't. He kept him healthy. Remus is thankful. + When confronted Remus and Sirius TOGETHER in the shack - he didn't hurt or kill Remus. He tied him up to have him face justice. Same with Sirius: he treats Sirius' unconscious body gently, carrying it up to the castle in a stretcher, when neither Remus or Sirius has EVER been gentle with him.

Very few Wizards would treat a werewolf with this much faith, care and justice. He tentatively trusts Remus despite his bias and fears, which are well reasoned but without solid evidence. I'd say that's challenging bias - and being rather moral, good and intelligent.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Human!Freddy Krueger x Fem!Reader || Oneshot

Title: What The Fuck Now, Freddy!?

Notes:

This is not inherently romantic, at all. Or sexual. Just... Freddy being a bastard, and you are caught in the crosshairs- and are forever linked with him because of it.

I've been listening to Lizzie, a lot lately- and this is inspired by 'What The Fuck Now, Lizzie!?'

Also- I'm thinking this will have a part 2. Due to the ending not being quite enough. Maybe a part for the court proceedings!

Plot: Many will know the story of that terrible day Krueger essentially snapped- killing his wife, Loretta Krueger. She saw the basement, they say, and he didn't like that. Their daughter saw the whole thing and suffered a traumatic response to seeing the sight of her mother, strangled to death, by her father- and forgot the whole thing.

But if she were to remember something, one day.

She may remember something no one knows about that day, aside from Freddy himself.

She may remember, that someone else was there.

She may remember you.

//

Alternatively- you're being blackmailed by Freddy who found out you, another supposedly Plain Jane in Loretta's 'mothers club', is cheating on your husband and calls you up to help deal with the mess he made. Because who else did he have?

Warnings: Okay lemme see, its basically a potluck of triggers. Hm. Murder, swearing, cheating (You, on your husband. Not with Freddy), getting rid of a body, a child gets traumatised (Obviously, Kathy/Maggie), Freddy himself, mention of the basement and all that entails, reader with a very questionable moral compass. Look, I think if you can watch Freddy's Dead, you're good here.

I'm just heading out the door, to go grocery shopping - or, at least, that's the story I tell my husband. When really I don't do the grocery shop until the day after tomorrow. He never notices... - when the phone rings. By very nearly tripping over my feet in my endeavour to catch it before the ringing stops, I manage pick up the phone with very little injury besides an achy, slightly twisted ankle. "Hi! Hi, sorry, I'm here. Hello?"

Pouting, I sit down at the kitchen table; Rubbing my poor ankle to sooth the pain, which would soon diminish anyway. Still- I'm sorry, ankle. I'll try to chill.

When the voice on the other end reveals who it is who's called the house, I lose all need to be pleasant. Damn. I really need to memorise this goddamn number... so I can not answer it. "Whatcha wearin'?"

"Thank god Harrison didn't answer this, you fuck." I deeply roll my eyes. Thank god Har's out. No, this is not my mister, not the man I was going to meet just now- but its bad, enough. In an entirely different way. Its stupid, blackmailing, son of a... hundred maniacs. "What do you want?"

"What a way to answer the phone, Y/N. Gee, seems like every time I we talk, I'm learning how you really aren't in the right place, are you? Cheating on your poor husband, swearing... These aren't really signs of the perfect suburban house wife, is it?" Gritting my teeth, I keep from lashing out. I've learned, if you stay real quiet, Freddy wont have anything to pull from and will get bored quick. "Why so silent, hm?"

"... " Oh, fuck me. I cant help it. "Wondering where you get off judging me on being 'suburban', actually."

"Anywhere I like, thanks."

Oh... oh. Gross?

He doesn't see the disgust tearing my face into two perfect halves right now, but my silence must be enough as he laughs. The sound is directly into the phone, and harsh on my poor eardrums. Ugh... "Oh for gods sake... What are we? Fourteen years old?? Come on- why'd you call?"

"Uhhhh... " Quickly, midway through that drawn out 'um' sound, Freddy's voice transitions, and gets a whole lot darker. Something deep in his chest dislodging, to make it so. Perhaps, his heart. "Well... you might wanna come and see for yourself."

"Uh, I don't think so. I have somewhere to be right now- "

"Oh well you don't, anymore." And its clear what he isn't saying- or else I'll tell Harrison about Carter and set your life on fire. "Tell your boy toy you're takin' a reign check for the day. I think you'll last. In fact... after you come over here, you might be out of the game for a couple a hours at least- maybe days."

Hold on, hold on Freddy what the fuck- "What!?"

"... Believe it or not, I didn't actually mean for that one."

Moron.

~

Nevertheless, no matter how just... off setting, Freddy is, I had to when he asked. I had to jump when he said so.

Because if not, then he would tear my life apart.

So here I am, about to knock on that big red door he lives behind, wondering what I'm walking into. Where's Loretta? Where's Kathy? How long will the visit be? I told Carter I'd be an hour or two late- any longer and I wont see him at all today. Which would absolutely suck.

Just after my knuckles come down on the wood the first time, a hand comes down on my shoulder and I immediately jump out of my skin... then slowly look around.

There's Freddy, a cheeky grin on his face. It does nothing to set my nerves at ease. "Ugh... Why are you out here?"

"We're going to the backyard. Lets go." Taking me by the shoulders, he marches me around the side of the house, instead of through it for some reason, and into the familiar backyard. I've been here numerous times, as Loretta likes to hold our club meetings here - Barbecue's, tea's... that sort of thing. Just to let the kids play together and so the adults can enjoy some adult conversation. Its a nice yard... but depending on what her horrid husband is about to show me, it may not be considered as such anymore... - , but I'm now starting to develop a sick feeling in my stomach.

Honestly- I don't know much about Freddy at all. Yes, I went to school with him, but that doesn't mean much when he was a freaky loner kid the whole time. I remember he killed the class hamster once- that's about the only splash he ever made in the news pool; But it definitely stuck.

Yes, Loretta cleaned up his image a fair bit since getting married, but now he's blackmailing me, and as far as I know I'm now alone with him.

Suspicious of him suddenly, I slip out of his grip with a dirty look flashed his way. Don't touch me.

He just rolls his eyes, leading me around some hedges.

And then everything stops.

Him, me, the air; The air around me, the breeze, the breath in my throat.

There lays Loretta, on the ground. If I was really really naïve, I could imagine she were sleeping... or passed out, at least, due to the way she's sprawled out. No one would lay down like that willingly.

But... her eyes are open.

For a moment I'm tempted to kneel down; Take a closer look. Find out how, myself. Is she bleeding anywhere that I cant see now? Are her lips turning blue? If I moved some short red hair out of the way- would their be marks on her neck yet?

But then I come to my senses...

And freak. The fuck. O u t.

"What, the fuck, did you do!?" I whip around, looking at Freddy now which entirely new eyes. I mean, before I sure wasn't fond- but now I'm filled with something new, looking at him. Something a lot worse, something that makes me want to run. Run, and hide, and stay there.

And all these, even though he hasn't really changed. He still wears a mischievous smirk, stony blue eyes eating up my reactions... like always. But this time its just so so much worse. "Made some dead weight- now you're gonna help me get rid of it. So!" Finally, though its been only a matter of seconds, he turns his gaze off of me and I'm glad. That gaze is far too heavy. "Ideas?"

Only for a moment am I lost for words, struggling to push anything out. "I... I'm sorry??"

His gaze returns to mine, but this time my eyes are hard as his are dark. "Help. Me. Get rid of her. Fucking. Body. Or do you want your dirty laundry aired for the whole community to hear?"

Before I can help myself, I let out a sharp laugh, only succeeding in making Freddy's scowl deeper. "Freddy- this secret's a lot bigger, then mine. Sure, I might get divorced- but you're going to prison!" Does he get that? He's g o i n g to j a i l. Crossing my arms, I try to avoid looking at my ex-friend's body. I cant. "I'm sure as hell not gonna be in there with you, for being an accomplice."

I really cant look at her... I can only focus on Freddy. And that takes a lot of energy- its taking everything in me, in fact. Everything I have. But I have to. If its him or her, there's no choice.

But... then a creepy smile spreads across his face- a vast polarity to the frustrated glower of before. It makes my blood run cold.

"Ohhhh..." He looks almost ferocious, even in his composed state. Like a monster. Like any moment a fanged, inhuman creature is going to burst out of him and I'm going to wake up, and this will have been a nightmare. A horrible nightmare. The kind where that creature haunts me for a long time, after its over. After this over.

He's going to haunt me.

"You must think this is my first time... " My heart turns to ice, mouth hanging a little open... what the fuck have I found myself a part of!? Suddenly all the children's disappearances on the news lately come to the forefront of my brain... "Sweetheart, give a man his dues. I'm a hard working kinda guy... " I watch his gaze flicker to a door - the back door? No... The basement door, - and when a filthy smirk pulls at his mouth, my heart flies up into my throat. God, it makes me feel sick. I want to be violently ill. "My first was my adoptive Dad... pretty sick, huh?"

The fact that he didn't say anything about the basement, makes my imagination go wild. I swallow it down, though.

I just need to get out of here, and never think about this again.

And to do that I need to help Freddy get rid of this goddamn body- and... probably... testify at court... As the panic starts to finally rise up in my, right up to fill my throat, I immediately take in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Okay... " No time to freak out. Now's the time for action.

Gaze flickering to Loretta again, I try to acclimatise to the sight. I think its a lost cause, though. "How did you get rid of him? Your Dad?"

"No, that's not gonna work. He was a drunk dead beat, and I just had to tell the police some guy's he owed money to came over to the house." Freddy grins happily at the memory, but then just as quickly, scowls at his poor deceased wife's body- that certainly cant fight back. I just tack this onto the long list of reasons I hate him. "Lore's such a goddamn goody goody- we cant do the same thing. You don't think I woulda thought of that??"

"Hey." I snap, hands braced on my hips as I flash a glare his way. "This is not the time to get defensive!"

"Whatever... "

Then- suddenly, something occurs to me. Confused, I look around; A deeply horrified feeling disturbing my stomach. "Hold on... Where's your daughter?" Seeing no sign of her anywhere, I definitely start to panic again- especially when I look to Freddy and just see a pert look in his eyes as he looks back at me, a smile that strikes something horrid inside me. My eyes narrow. "You sick fuck- where the fuck is she!??"

"Under the bed."

"What the fuck does that mean!?" I exclaim, frustrated and freaking out. He did not- he did not! Killing your spouse is one thing, but the kid?? Your own kid??

I don't wait around for him to be cryptic some more, and rush right into the house to look for her. Under the bed, under the bed, under the fucking bed...? Which fucking bed!? Forcing ferocity out of my voice, I carefully call out to Kathy. Hoping to god she answers. I try to sound normal. Maybe a little bit cheerful; Excited.

But my voice wobbles.

"Kathy?? Sweetheart, its Y/N! Are you hiding? I have something for you... " ?? You have something for her, Y/N?? God... now you have to figure out some kind of treat.

You know what? Whatever. We'll figure that out later.

Lets just hope we aren't searching for a corpse. I'd definitely be sick, seeing a child... the way Loretta is...

Shaking my head and clenching my fists, I try to focus on Kathy.

I check under the bed in the guest room because it comes into view first and she isn't there, then her bedroom and she isn't there either... and get a sick feeling as soon as I enter the last bedroom. Freddy's and Loretta's.

God, I've never been in here before but its like a museum peace now. A horrible one. Like if you would walk into the Titanic... or the Borden house.

"Kathy? You in here?" Flicking on the light I kneel down on the ground, and check under the bed.

And something immediately crashes over me, as the sight of her covering her eyes down there. It isn't exactly relief, because this whole situation is still phenomenally fucked up for her, but I am selfishly glad to not have to see her body... crumpled, just like her mother.

"Hey sweetheart," My voice quivers slightly now, but I quickly swallow. No. No. Now, you must be strong Y/N. "Its just me. Your Daddy was looking for you, and couldn't find you! It got him worried!"

"I... I don't wanna see Daddy. He hurt Mommy." Kathy doesn't remove her hands from her face, and stays firmly by the wall- too far away for anyone to grab. My heart sinks.

Slowly straightening up again, I try to take that piece of information in. Turning to the doorway, I see Freddy there. he must have followed me. I didn't even notice. Slowly, and quietly ferociously, I say; "She saw?!"

He has the good sense to look embarrassed, even if it is just to make fun of me. "It was spur of the moment... " He shrugs. "I didn't have time to get a babysitter!"

What a fucking excuse. For gods sake.

I'm definitely dealing with a psycho- if that was even a question before now.

Swiftly, I look down under the bed again, because I'm afraid that if I continue to engage with him- I'll scream, and I'll lose my breath, and I'll scare Kathy even more. She's at the forefront of my mind; That's all I can think about.

But what to do with her after I get her out from under this bed, I don't know. I cant give her back to her father... but I cant hand her over to the police either because that would involve telling them about Loretta, and... Freddy will definitely kill me, for that.

This is a nightmare of a situation.

I'm just opening my mouth to say something - what, I don't know yet, - when she speaks, instead. "Is he there?"

"... Yes." I wont lie to her; That would be treating her with not nearly as much respect as she deserves.

When she takes a deep breath and rubs her eyes, as if just trying to keep herself together, my heart clenches. God... and to think I might not have picks up Freddy's call today. I would have been leaving her with this. For the first time today, I'm morbidly glad I came.

She speaks in that loud, hissy way that kids think is a whisper. "Can he... can you please make him go away?"

Immediately I straighten back up and look to Freddy again, my eyebrows raised halfway up my forehead. Like well? "Get out."

"I don't think you're in a position to make demands here, bi- "

"Do you want Kathy to live down there now!??" I snap, trying not to be scared. Not really feeling scared, actually. Just happy to have a reason to tell him to get the hell away from me.

A deep frown creases his mouth, deeply unhappy about the situation, but steps back. I only hear him step out of the way of the door, but its good enough. Quickly, I get up and close the door - fighting with myself not to slam it, - and lock it.

Then I return to the floor, and see this time Kathy has uncovered her eyes. She looks so small, smaller then she actually is, and she looks like she's shaking. Little red bows and piggy tails in her hair are messy from crawling under the bed. "He's gone, sweetheart. And I locked the door."

She just nods, so I take the silence as a chance to offer my hand to her. "Take my hand, sweetie? Come on out from under the bed. Its cold down there, and no one wants you getting sick." I need to upkeep the family friend bit, I need to sound caring and collected. I need her to trust me.

Her big eyes, not Loretta's colour or Freddy's, look nervous as hell. And she shakes her head.

Taking a deep breath, and I conjure all the sincerity as I can. And mean it. My eyes soften and I try really hard, to resent myself as someone trustworthy- which is hard, seeing as I've never really been that. I mean, I'm cheating on my husband. I told Carter today the same lie I told Harrison when i knew I was going to be late. The only person I think who knows the truth behind all my lies is Freddy. That says something about a person, that the only person who knows them is a psychopath.

But I want to, I need to, be good for this little girl. And there's no time for me turn my life around so it has to start with this. How fucked is that?

"... I promise, I'll take care of you. He wont hurt you."

After a few whole minutes, in which I stay silent because yes she's a child, but she's still thinking, she crawls over and takes my hand, letting me lead her out. Crawling into my lap as I cross my legs under her, she buries her face in my shirt- hiding. "You promise?"

Taking a deep breath, because I've really done it now, I offer my pinky for her to see if she turned her head. I know Freddy's listening to all of this through the wall, but I try not to freak out. "Pinky swear?"

"Pinky swear." She peaks out from my shirt, and curls her little finger around mine. Okay... "Y/N... I'm scared."

"Yeah... Me too, sweetie."

What am I going to do?

[inessencedevided]

A very overdue cql/mdzs fic rec list

for @accidental-child ​

I am so sorry this took me so long Axel! The pandemic has really done a number on my time-management skills and things like this often fall behind :/

The fics complied here are the ones i have not recced in the list for @helianthus21 before. You can find that one here, so you can check it out as well :)

The Wei Wuxian makes a wish series by natcat5

My attempt at a summary: this is a madoka magica AU (which i had not watched prior to reading this fic). Cultivators, in this universe, are created when a teenager makes a wish to the creature named Kyubey, which than grants them their wish and the power to fight witches, strange and destructive creatures of despair that lure people into their labyrinths. Wei Wuxian, at the beginning of the story is not a cultivator, but his friends are and so is the mysterious new student at his school, lan wangji, who follows him everywhere and seems to be obsessed with preventing him from making a contract.

My comment: my attempt at a summary does not do this story justice and is really just a setup. Honestly i cannot put into words how much I loved this story. It kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. It made me laugh, it made me cry for entire chapters, it drew me into it's world so much that I freaking dreamed about it! (I'm not kidding, I really did) Honestly, this fic deserves so much more attention than it is currently getting. Not only is the plot expertly crafted, with reveals that shock you and leave you reading, but the author also just gets the characters. The best thing an AU can do, in my opinion, is take familiar characters, put them in unfamiliar situations and then manage to make the way they react believable. And this AU nails that! The conclusion and the choices that Wei wuxian and lan Wangji make in the end felt exactly right. Not to mention, it has a stellar ensemble cast! Everyone is here (except Xichen sadly and I kind of think it is deliberate because without him, Lan Wangji lacks a support system). Again, I cannot recommend this story enough. It is, without doubt, my favourite fic series in this entire fandom. (Caution however: Do read the warnings in the tags and notes and take them seriously. They are there for a very good reason.)

Agapé (home is in your arms) by estel_willow

Author’s summary: Lan Xichen is in isolation. Wei Wuxian visits him. Together they find their way back to happiness, to clarity and to home. 

My comment: This one focuses on both Lan Xichen’s and Wei Wuxian’s issues and lets them resolve them together. I am such a fan of their characterisations in this fic, as well as Lan Wangji’s even though he is not the focus. I love it when non-romantic relationships are the focus of fics and especially when they are central to the character’s resolving their own issues and moving forward in life and that is exactly what happens here.

until you're big enough by lostin_space      

Author’s summary: Lan Zhan is sad and not hungry; Lan Xichen asks Nie Mingjue to help him. 

My comment: This one is a really short and sweet read about how Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue parent the their younger brothers. I just really liked how the author portrayed todler Lan Zhan, as well as these two teenagers doing their best to be the parents that both he and Nie huaisang lack. 

Night Music by Manogahela                

Author’s summary: There is a music that plays in the night at Cloud Recess....but there isn't suppose to be. Lan Xichen investigates the mysterious dizi music that can be heard from the Jingshi at night following the Siege of the Burial mounds.

My comment: I absolutely adored this one, mainly for two reasons: 1. I love an outsider perspective and Lan Xichen’s, at this point and with his limited knowledge is absolutely wonderful. First, he isn’t even sure is what he thinks is happening really is happening and when he is sure, his feelings are, understandably very conflicted. 2. The author’s style compliments this fic so well. Since most of it happens at night and Xichen isn’t entirely sure that he can trust his senses, there is a certain dreamlike quality to it that the author writes beautifully. This fic is part one in a series. Part two is a WIP, but also very much worth the read!

Company by WithBroomBefore                

My summary: In which Wei Wuxian is whipped within an inch of his life by Madam Yu when he is fourteen and comes to stay at the cloud recesses. He and Lan Zhan become friends.

My comment: My summary once again does not do this fic justice. Because it is so much more than just that. It’s such a beautful exploration of friendship and love and bodily autonomy. Wei Wuxian has a lot to work through in this fic, but really, so has Lan Zhan who has the opportunity to make friends at a much more mellow pace than in the novel/show and panics a little less because of it. The war still happens but has much less dire consequences. All in all, this fic left me with a wonderful warm feeling in my chest.

you are safe / loved / worthy / enough by everythingispoetry                

Author’s summary: One of the more timid-looking posts, in pale greens and creams and yellows, says Hello, I'm managing to be fairly high functioning right now but I'm really not doing as well as it may appear, and Lan Zhan feels as if someone sneaked into his mind and read his most secret thoughts, the ones he's never even dared to admit to himself.

(In which Lan Zhan, to his own dismay, finds himself with the help of the most obnoxious, cheerful, cheesy self-care instagram account known to men.)

(And Wei Ying.)

My comment: Listen, I have a complicated relationship with fics that depict mental health struggles in characters. They are all so incredibly valid and I’m glad they exist (every single one of them, no matter if i like them or not) but due to the fact that they tend to come from the author projecting their own issues onto characters (which is NOT a bad thing! that is what fanfic is for!) they are often hit-and-miss when it comes to characterisation. But this story ... it just GETS Lan Wangji. If someone told me a scenario in a modern AU that leads to him developing an anxiety disorder and depression, this is what I would have come up with. Because let’s be real, Lan Wangji is a perfectionist to boot, insanely competitive and needs to live up to his family’s expectations, while also not having much of an emotional support system outside of his brother and uncle. That’s a dangerous cocktail in the modern world and just screams of a burnout waiting to happen. So Lan Wangji, off to university, living alone in a strange city for the frst time, spends all his time in a carefully calculated study routine but slowly realises that the path he set out on was not one he chose because he liked it but simply the one that was laid out for him by his background and family, which then leads to him questioning the reason behind what he does. That reads as incredibly real to me. A good AU, in my opinion, takes the characters and their inherent characteristics and lets them meet new and unique challenges that they never would have encountered in canon, which then leads to new and interesting character developement. And this AU manages that perfectly! (Plus, if you are a university student like me who sometimes suffers from crushing anxiety about the path they chose in life, this is insanely relatable. What? I never said I wasn’t biased :P)

porn (but not actually) and waiting (a lot of it) by hyacinth4maria    

Author’s summary: Lan Xichen sighs as he settles into the couch next to Lan Wangji.

"What are you looking at?"

Lan Wangji, without pausing from typing the names Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in the Love Calculator 3000, says, "Porn."

Lan Xichen chokes.

- Lan Wangji has a crush. Lan Xichen hadn't realized his little brother was growing up.    

My comment: this one was hilarious! Just Lan Xichen being both absolutely exasperated and amused by wangxian’s pre-teen drama. I almost choked laughing at the line that coined the title. The author has these characters down to a T and they used their powers to attack my laugh-musccles :D

the field meets the wood by astronicht     

Author’s summary: Wei Wuxian is a dark shadow in the barley. Wei Wuxian is sorry for the kind of compassion that he is about to hand out.

(in which Lan Wangji is stolen for salt, and Wei Wuxian unravels the world, a little)

My Comment: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SO GOOD. Do you ever read a story and just marvel at the author’s mind? This is one of those. The sheer genius of giving Wei Wuxian the ability to pull entire beings into non-being! The absolute galaxy-brain idea to link the canon mythology to modern astrophysics!!! Wei Wuxian creates a motherfucking black hole in this one!!! And it’s SO well written, too! The author does not shy away from Wei Wuxian’s sharp edges and his darker side but goddamn if he is not still loveable anyway. Just GO READ THIS FIC!

Abandon your post by StarsAlignNomore        

Author’s summary: After months as Chief Cultivator and separated from his soulmate, Lan Wangji follows Wei Wuxian out into the world. He searches for him. He finds him. He kisses him. They reunite, they talk, they resolve. Sometimes Bichen lends emotional support. Chenqing bites. Little Apple is there too.

Your typical Post-Canon-Reunion-Fic with much more emphasis on their spiritual weapons than expected.

My comments: This one just left me with a lot of mushy feelings. Also I adore the way the author emphasised the relationship between Lan Wangji and Bichen. And by the end, Wangxian finally figure shit out through actual open communication. Absolutely beautiful!

[tg-headcanons]

Tokyo ghoul meta: the personhood of ghouls and the CCG

The central conflict of Tokyo ghoul is simple: ghouls eat people and people kill them so they don’t get eaten. It starts simply enough, but gets more complicated as we learn more about individual ghouls and the way the ccg functions.

Firstly, we have the ghouls. In the first episode it’s made clear that humans simply do not understand them, and almost none make the effort too. Saying things like “if they have to kill why don’t they kill criminals or something” and “why can’t they all die already?” They’re regarded as a group of people who choose to be evil at best, or as monsters that need to be killed at worst. For humans it’s easy to put so little thought into it because for them it’s cut and dry: “they kill us, which is bad, so being a ghoul is evil.”

Then we see Kaneki becoming a ghoul, the way he sees himself as he transforms. His terror is undercut with the self loathing of feeling the need to eat people. He thinks it’s because he’s human, he doesn’t understand yet that all ghouls go through this. It takes until he first meets other ghouls to start understanding that they aren’t an inherent malicious force, that they’re people who are trying to live their lives, albeit in a very different way.

What I want to emphasize is something I don’t see anyone talking about. Kaneki’s first interaction with a ghoul post-surgery is not Nishio, it’s not Touka, its Kazuo. He only shows up for a moment before dying, and in that moment he is nothing like what Kaneki had been taught about ghouls. Ken is breaking down at the horror of being lured to the alley by the smell of a corpse, and the first thing this ghoul does, is ask if he’s okay. Kazuo offers him an arm from the corpse, even though he’s never met him and is starving, he’s willing to make that sacrifice because it’s just the right thing to do. I wish kazuo didn’t die, I think he was a good example of the inherent good in ghouls

When Ken goes on to meet Touka and join anteiku, he’s introduced to more about ghoul culture. That they aren’t monsters. He sees how they protect their human loved ones, how they do everything they can to provide safety, and how ghouls are the ones suffering more than anyone else. The violence humans think ghouls display because of what they are is the result of desperation, trauma, and investigators, and this is the first time he’s learning this

Next we have humans and the CCG. Now it’s understandable that they hate ghouls, every community has people they’ve lost to hunting and that will effect how they view the creatures who ate them. It’s such a difficult thing to grasp how a person could eat another person, so the obvious result is that they don’t see them as people. Like any threat, humans seek to destroy it, overlooking the impact that would have. Plenty of species have gone extinct because they threatened humans, many are now endangered because humans had no problem killing them “because it’s them or us.”

And thus the CCG is formed

It becomes built into the law and foundations of society that ghouls must be killed on sight. They have no rights. They have no voice. They are not people. No one can change that, ghouls can not protest it peacefully because simply admitting they exist is a death sentence for them and their family. Their ruthlessness caused by desperation forced on them is held up as proof that they need to be exterminated, and the CCG is excused for their own ruthlessness because it’s seen as a necessary evil. It’s them or us right?

But violence is cyclical, and grows as it revolves. Many investigators join because a ghoul killed their family, so they kill ghouls, and those ghoul’s loved ones retaliate. The conflict goes beyond the need to eat and the need to defend and becomes more fueled by revenge. Aogiri kills more than they need too, the doves kill more than they need too, and the way they’re perceived depends on what species the onlooker is. It’s difficult to escape the cycle, but very easy to get dragged in. Even for those with no personal vendetta against ghouls, it’s easy to kill them because everyone is feeding into the belief that they aren’t people. It’s easy to commit genocide when you renounce the victim’s personhood

That’s why when Amon fights Kaneki for the first time, it’s such a shock. Amon goes in completely certain that ghouls exist to kill, and Kaneki, previously human, refuses. Ken doesn’t have the same intergenerational trauma as other ghouls, and is inclined to spare his opponent. When he shows Amon this mercy, it haunts him. He can not comprehend why he was let go by a creature that exists to kill

Same with Shirazu and Nutcracker. She doesn’t show him any mercy, but when she dies, she says that she just wanted to be pretty. Ginshi shuts down, because that’s exactly what his little sister wants. It haunts him, he’s realizing that what they’re killing are complex people with feelings and dreams just like theirs. He even struggles to use the quinque made of her because he lets it sink in that it’s made of her. He understands that the CCG uses the corpses of ghouls, and is that so different from how ghouls use the corpses of humans?

Killing Shirazu and having Amon get captured were coward moves, because there was so much to work with. They were the only ones who were starting to understand that everyone involved in this war is a person with the capacity for joy and suffering. The story would have been so much better if they were both alive and with the ccg, because it could shift the narrative from “humans vs ghouls” to “why are we doing this? Why are we still fighting without even trying to find other options?”

It could have ended without a war with the collective effort to find a peaceful option and address the death and trauma humans and ghouls subject eachother too, that’s what the story was always about. Simply recognizing the personhood of ghouls would make the CCG obsolete, and force them to recognize the horrors they’ve committed, and that was the problem. It’s just so much easier, and so much more profitable for those in charge, to keep the conflict going

[random-thought-depository]

Watched the X-Files episode Teliko the night before last. It got into Vulture.com’s 10 most embarassing X-Files episodes list, and there seems to be a general view that it was a rather problematic episode. I can see why: the concept of basically a melanin vampire is kind of goofy, and, uh... You know that thing where people used to filicide autistic children because they thought they were changelings? Apparently, there’s something kind of like that in parts of Africa but directed against albinos (the details are different, but it’s a similar pattern of folk beliefs motivating violence against vulnerable people). Teliko felt like it might have been referencing that in just about the worst way possible; like the writers just went “Let’s have an African-themed monster this week; I skimmed a book about west African mythology for five minutes and I get the impression they think albinos are scary, so let’s just make something up based on that” (a quick Google search turns up basically nothing about “Telikos” as a thing in actual real-world mythology). That said, I do think they did a couple of interesting things with the monster.

You know that thing about how culture is an extended part of the human phenotype, like the use of fire to cook food is what might have allowed our digestive systems to shrink and our brains to grow, reshaping our bodies to make us what we are? The episode gave me the impression that something similar was going on with “Mr. Aboah’s” hunting and feeding, like it was hard to tell where his use of technology ended and his biology began. He used a plant-based poison to paralyze his victims (clearly technology). He’d suck out people’s brain-juices using this tube that he apparently kept jammed deep in his throat most of the time and pulled out through his mouth before he fed (presumably ramming it back into himself after he was done); it was ambiguous whether it was part of his body or a tool, and if it was a tool I think he must have had some biological adaptations for carrying it around inside him like that, because I’m pretty sure it would be harmful and excruciatingly painful for a normal human to do that. He was able to cram himself into very small spaces, and he apparently went into some sort of coma-like sleep for much of the day, suggesting his anatomy and physiology was abnormal above and beyond his inability to properly regulate his own body chemistry; he wasn’t just a person with a disease who’d figured out an unethical coping mechanism for it. Mulder and Scully speculated about him being part of a “clan” of people like him, and when he was talking with his immigration councilor there was a bit about him being able to bring over relatives through chain migration that I think was clearly played for ominousness. There was a lot of subtextual emphasis on the idea that he wasn’t a one-off mutant, he was part of a community of people like him, and that queasy “not sure where his biology ends and his use of technology begins” thing fits into that well, suggesting that he’s the product of a history, that his kind has been around long enough to develop their own culture with distinctive weapons and tools and to evolve.

I also liked the way the episode emphasized the vulnerability inherent in what the vampire is (or in this case the psuedo-vampire); it reminded me of Max Schreck’s performance as Count Orlock in the 1979 Nosferatu. The vampire is a creature that must take something vital from others to keep themselves alive, healthy, and strong. And Teliko and Nosferatu both gave me an impression of a vampire (broadly defined) who was able to stay alive, but not necessarily healthy and strong. I remember Nosferatu’s Orlock gave me an impression of tremendous weariness; in the dinner scene toward the beginning of the movie he sounded so tired, like a student who’d been studying until 3:00 AM and was struggling just to talk and stay standing up. “Mr. Aboah” gave me a vibe of fragility and precarity; during the day he hides in dark holes or in a dark apartment with the curtains closed and the lights off because the sun hurts him, he’s visibly not well, his immigration councilor comments that he looks feverish, his short and minimalistic statements suggest not having the spoons for real conversation (and possibly not being confident in English, which is another kind of vulnerability). The tube in his throat fits with this too, cause keeping a tube in his throat like that looks like it might hurt. Some of this is probably influenced by having some real-life context for the ways albinism can be disabling; IIRC if we go with real-life precedent “Mr. Aboah” would probably experience increasing sun/light sensitivity and deterioration of his vision if he doesn’t get the brain-juice and starts losing his pigmentation. I really got the vibe that it’s a struggle for him to get enough brain-juice to keep himself alive and healthy and strong, and he lives in a state of precarity because he can’t be sure where he’s going to get that next hit he’ll need soon, like an addict who doesn’t have the money to reliably support his habit, or (and in a sense this is exactly what he is) like a person with a chronic illness who can’t reliably access the medicine he needs. He’s dangerous, he kills people, but I also felt kind of sorry for him, because his life looked pretty unpleasant. Which, like... if you’re going to use disability-coding as monstrousness-coding, I think this one of the less bad and more interesting ways of doing that.

That said, I’ll note, like... if the episode was going to lean on “this isn’t a supernatural thing, this is a medical thing,” the depigmentation thing seemed kind of cartoonish and thus clashed with that. Like, even leaving aside “I’m pretty sure not having a pituitary gland wouldn’t actually work that way,” I think melanin would stick around for longer than that even if your body stopped making it? Think about how long it takes for a tan to fade. And hair is IIRC mostly “dead” (metabolically inactive), so I think it at least should stay dark and just grow in pale/white from the roots if the hair follicles stopped making pigments. I think the growing patches of white skin were an effective dramatic device for communicating “Mr. Aboah’s” deteriorating condition if he didn’t get the brain-juice, but maybe handle it differently somehow?