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spelviin · 1 year ago

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literally no one but me cares about this, but it's Time For Kaleigh To Have An Opinion About Musicals so like. sorry in advance.

but i just - for youtube rabbit hole reasons that are entirely beyond me - watched the olivier awards performance of welcome to the rock and i'm fuckin??? baffled??

for reference, here is the original

and here is the olivier performance

and i'm not talking about the accents (although i am legitimately confused about the fact that the cast from the states managed to do nfl accents miles better than the uk cast), i'm talking abt the fact that they weirdly chopped the song up for no apparent reason, and gutted half the emotional impact of the song in the process

EDIT: upon further research, it looks like the obc did the same goddamned thing for their tony performance, which like. well, at least it explains why they lost to fucking dear evan hansen. anyways, all this to say i no longer blame the uk cast for this travesty, my apologies to them lmao.

ANYWAYS, part of the reason the show works so well is bc the opening number is EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE at reaching out and grabbing the audience by the fucking throat, emotionally speaking. and the way it does that is by perfectly placing the first instance of the "you are here" leitmotif

you've got the scene-setting shit, introducing ppl to like, the concept of newfoundland, and then you meet some of the characters, and meanwhile the music is just building and building and building to the line "and i turn on the radio"

and then the music fucking drops out, and you get this soft, haunting, gorgeously-harmonized "you are here," and the POINT of that, is to underscore what's happening in the minds of every audience member who is old enough to remember 9/11, which is that they're recalling their own experience of seeing the news for the first time, and feeling every feeling they felt in that moment. it's a fucking strategic play on your emotions, and it's incredibly effective

and THEN the music picks up again, gaining speed as bonnie finds oz and tells him to turn on his radio, at which point the energy ramps way the fuck back up to the end of the opening number.

and it's FANTASTIC! the pacing is perfect, the momentum is great, the emotions are there... which is why it's so fuckin weird what the olivier performance did, which is cut and paste the "you are here" section to AFTER "jesus h, oz, turn on your radio" (which, mind you, they didn't say. they changed the line to a whiny little "oz, turn on your radio. oz, turn on your radio!" -because apparently you can say fuck on tv in the uk, but you cant take the lord's name in vain - which i think does a disservice to bonnie as a character, but this is enough of a rant without going into all that.)

ANYWAYS, then it awkwardly moves into the final part of the number, which is a weird frankenstein mashup of the actual end of the opener, and the reprised version in the finale. and i think??? that's the reason they made all these changes in the first place??? like, they wanted the cheerier, major key, finale energy since this is an award show (they do this with promotional performances of ex-wives from six, too), and in the finale, the last part DOES come right after the "you are here" section.

but to me, mashing the two versions up just really emotionally guts the whole performance.

welcome to the rock works because it builds emotion and momentum, and evokes powerful imagery of a historical event. and the reprise works because it takes place 10 years after the fact and provides a sort of closure to those emotions. trying to mix the two in one number just feels... confusing, like it's negating itself.

anyways, there's like 400 comments on the video and literally no one seems to have even noticed the change (or at least cared enough to mention it), so this is clearly just a Me Problem, but like.

IT'S SO WEIRD YOU GUYS IT'S SO FUCKIN WEIRD WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS CHANGE, CFA CREATIVE TEAM? EXPLAIN IT TO ME!!!!

#og #idk man. is this a promotional performance thing?#because i literally realized that they do the same thing with six halfway though typing this #is there just some sort of stigma against performing an opening number that doesn't end up happy?#like with six it kind of makes sense to tack on the last section of the finale #bc the opening does just kind of.... end abruptly #whereas the finale really adds some much-needed oomph #so i can definitely see making that change if you're doing a small performance of one number meant to draw in attention and audiences #but welcome to the rock already as a super stong and powerful ending in the opening version! it's not happy but it's compelling as fuck!#so why change it??? idk i care too much about this lmao #sorry for having Musical Opinions on main

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elysianslove · 4 years ago

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hi! may i request hcs of the haikyuu boys watching/helping their significant other workout? maybe yoga or just a regular workout? would be sweet if it was all of them but i know there are so many, so mainly kuroo, kageyama, bokuto, oikawa and nishinoya <3 thank you!!

hi anon!! i’m sorry i didn’t do all the boys, but i wrote for the specific boys you requested. if you, or anybody else, wants these hc’s for other boys i’d love to do them hehe. hope you enjoy!

kuroo tetsurō

he’s so excited as soon as you’re like “hey wanna work out together”

like his whole body freezes up and then he just

screams

if you’re already like pretty athletic, he makes everything a competition

but doesn’t actually compete

he just wants to watch you 😏

no fr he’ll be like “i bet i can do more squats than you”

and then just doesnt squat and only watches you squat

this mf 😭

he gets way too excited and puts an alarm at 4;30 am to text you/wake you up to go on a run with him

you: see that’s what we’re not gonna do

if you’re not very athletic or you’re just starting to get accustomed to working out

he is so. encouraging

like sickeningly so

tries his best not to overwhelm you and does really basic workouts with you

but also if ur laying face down on the ground crying “i dont wanna do this anymore” he will NOT have any of it

good luck unsubscribing to his services

he just wants to see you succeed 🥺 👉🏼👈🏼

cooks you the best healthy meals you dont even feel like youre missing out on anything

now

yoga

listen he’s so cheeky

he’s so mf TOUCHY

couples yoga with kuroo >>>>

it’s so funny bc this man is so strong he can do pretty much any move that requires any type of strength but pull out the flexibility card and he will pass away on the spot

he also just likes to watch you do yoga

not just bc he’s a pervert

but also bc it’s just interesting to see you in your zone

buys you yoga pants just bc <3333

“u just wanna stare at my ass”

“how dare you i would never objectify my gf”

stares at your ass <3

kageyama tobio

remember when i said kuroo would make everything a competition but wouldn’t really care

kageyama cares

he’s so annoying youre just trynna have fun working out w ur bf but here he is trynna kill u bc he’s so much better at everything

okay but if YOURE better 🤑

it pisses him off at first but then he realizes he’s pissed off bc ur so hot and make his spine tingle

work outs with him are intense as fuck

like he goes all out

but then he helps you stretch and 😏 it’s worth it

if he’s helping you workout, he’s kinda harsher than he intends to be

and when he realizes that yk maybe he’s being a lil extra

he apologizes and just asks how you wanna do it

spends the night researching hehe

is encouraging in a demeaning way like “do you WANT to regret not working harder” ur like tobio i swear on my life i will start crying

when y’all are done he does like give u a small kiss and the sweetest smile “good work” and it makes it all the more worth it

about yoga though

when he first watched u he was horny hwbwjwks

he was like oop what is this feeling

but then it clicked lmao

avoids watching you unless you’re doing it privately so he can embarrass himself less

if you invite him to join you it’s just rigorous head shaking but he loves you sm he’ll do anything for you

he just follows your lead and is listening so attentively and is trying to mimic your movements exactly and is so awe oh my god he’s so CUTE

once ur done and ur both just laying on the ground you roll over and kind lean over him and give him a kiss “thank u for doing this with me”

“we should do it more often”

not horny just in love with you <3

bokuto kōtarō

so hyperactive good luck keeping up with him

he’s also like

built

LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN. HIM???? no way he doesnt go crazy w the work outs

if you suggest to work out together he’s so excited and he just does everything normally the way he does at 2.5x speed and you’re just like bruh 🧍🏻‍♀️ slow down

you do eventually find your own rhythm that kinda matches his own

and it’s nice to have him with you because like if you’re at a gym and ur using a device across the room from him he’ll just yell and wave at you and blow you a kiss god i love this dork

after you’re both spent you just sit on the ground across from each other stretching just talking just vibing

gives you a big smooch in between everything if he can

it becomes a really positive addition to your life ngl

if he’s helping you work out

he is actually the fkn BEST

despite him being a work out freak, he doesn’t force that on you in any way

if anything i think he’d be super gentle

so cheerful when encouraging you

and rewards you a lot

too much probably

“20 PUSHUPS BABE !!!! LETS GO MAKE OUT FOR 20 MINUTES”

he doesn’t just say it he really does mean it when he tells you he’s proud of you

loves it when you do yoga

immediately tries to join in

“oouu teach me this move” proceeds to fall on his ass <3

t’s okay he has a lotta cushioning 😏

he always wants to try the couples yoga moves

he saves them on his phone to show you later and you cant say no bc ur already in gear and the yoga mat is on the ground hehe

(if you watch cody ko and kelsey kreppel’s couples yoga video that’s basically how it goes with you two)

^^^ in one of the moves he has to like lift you up by your arms as youre sitting down and he’s standing and he accidentally just shoves your face into his crotch

you both couldn’t stop laughing until you nearly peed and thats the beauty of love

oikawa tōru

he has to repeatedly ask you if you’re s u r e you wanna work out with him

if you’re s u r e you can keep up

please hand his cocky ass to him <3

if you’re athletic, prepare to have him try to one up you every time you do something

it’s so sweet though cause he’s so determined and he’s sticking his tongue out between his lips and you’re just like baby please what is this

tells you to lay beneath him while he does push ups so he can kiss you

you complain about how sweaty he is but really you just want him to take his shirt off <3

okay two important things i want to go over

one. oikawa does not know when to stop. so, honestly, you probably suggested to work out with him to keep him in check and make sure he doesn’t overwork himself

please make him drink water and take breaks when necessary :(

two. his knee :( he would probably need to be very careful and he’ll teach you the correct way to massage it and prep it before he does any critical work

if you approach him one day about helping you work out cause you’re clueless — yes it will get to his head

but like ??? he’s your boyfriend??? your very athletic boyfriend???

who else would u ask tf 😹

anyways he makes a whole like list and shit

organizes it so well with color coding and different handwriting

keeps you up to date with your progress and always says things like “look how well you’re doing babe!” and gives you a hugeeee hug

now, oikawa is either weirdly flexible, or not flexible at all

we’re gonna go for the first one for this yoga hc

joins you randomly and starts doing the poses correctly right away ur like ??? sir ???

distracts you. so much.

“can i have a kiss— another one?— one more— one more babe— okay an—“

make out sessions ensued :)

nishinoya yū

actually i think noya would like to be in own zone kinda thing when he’s working out

probably blasting some katy perry in his ears ngl

but when you tell him you wanna go work out with him??

now you’re both blasting katy perry in your ears

stares. stares so much. provocatively.

he’s your bf so you get it

but women have come up to you in the gym asking if you’re okay hbwjwkwe

makes you try out his routine while he tries out yours

“wow babe this is sooo easy” he’s dying dont believe him

you guys probably have a handshake that’s so motivating to do before and after eeekkkk he probably makes you feel SO good about yourself after

takes you to eat the unhealthiest shit he can find after a workout because why not right ? chivalry? undead 😻

if you ask him for help he’ll accept right away

competes with you to help you improve

“one day babe you’ll be beating me at these with such ease”

he’s the loud kind of encouraging

yells a lot

like so much

body worship all the time <3333

“god u look SO good right now i love you so much”

this simp i love him sm

anyways. onto yoga

did i mention he stares 👁��

because he does

he already knows you do yoga and he will find out your schedule

just. likes to watch you tbh

if you offer to do couples yoga with him he refuses bc he likes the view where he is lmfao

there are so many tiktoks of him just doing the dances while you calmly do yoga

it becomes a trend lmfaowjwnsj

anyways yes best supportive bf award goes to noya (actually all of them who am i kidding)

end note; MY BEST FRIEND PAINTED AKAASHI FOR MY BDAY GIFT I STOPPED BREATHING ,,, anyways i hope y’all enjoyed this!! feel free to request some more mwah

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #oikawa x reader #oikawa headcanons #bokuto x reader #bokuto headcanons #kageyama x reader #kageyama headcanons #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya headcanons

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thebluestbluewords · 4 years ago

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HEIST HEIST HEIST

I saw this post today and got inspired, SO here is Descendants Could Have Been A Heist Movie, thebluestbluewords take :

(this is very much an outline and not a full fic yet, but I might yet write this someday)

Taking this whole heist movie idea very seriously, this would be (and might yet be if I have the time for it) a fic about how the first Descendants movie would have gone if it had been a heist movie, rather than a fairytale.

The main plot of the movie is no longer about learning to choose good and seeing that kids don’t have to follow in the footsteps of their parents- it’s now a high school political intrigue about stealing a wand.

(don’t worry about the larger themes there- the wand might be stolen for many self-serving reasons that go beyond 'doing what their parents say'. Maybe they’re stealing it to make a larger statement about opening the isle. Or about how treating villains as villains is wrong and they deserve trust because it makes things so much more fun for them in the long run)

(can you tell I haven’t decided on the overall tone of this AU yet lmao)

The story starts when the VKs are being told to get the wand, hand it over, it’ll be easy.

Sure, they say.

Sounds great, they say.

Give us your spellbook and magic mirror and whatever else you’ve got to give, and we absolutely won’t use them to betray you and open the isle on our own terms, they don’t say.

(this story ends before we get to that point, but the implication is there)

The kids arrive in Auradon, as in canon.

Unlike canon, they don’t immediately go for a break-and-enter approach to the museum, because if they’re going to heist this, they’re going to do it right. A good heist takes planning, and patience, and research.

What they do is wait until the weekend, and then inform the school admin that they want to get to know the culture of Auradon.

The museum seems like a great place to start, Evie says earnestly.

We didn’t have anything like it back on the Isle, adds Mal. It would be such a good learning opportunity for us.

And we could see the town. And the candy store. Say the boys.

The school admin caves, because it would be wrong to deny these kids a chance to get to know this history of goodness! They’re just teenagers, and they’ve been doing so well with their first week, and of course they can go into town, do they want a school car to drop them off?

They do not.

The museum is kind of a bust. They spend some time scoping out the security, but they’ve had a whole week to magically-google everything they can about this place, and it’s not much of a surprise that there’s a functionally unbreakable magical alarm system set up around all of the objects.

Time to reassess the plan.

(this is where the political intrigue comes in)

Ben is still a Fundamentally Decent (if slightly boring) guy in this.

Of course, he’s also the one on the line if this whole villainy exchange program goes wrong. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he would come to check up on his flagship students after they have a day out exploring the town.

Oho, Mal thinks. Here’s something they can work with.

Ben is sweet. He’s not terribly interesting, at least at first, but he seems like a guy who genuinely cares about the idea of bringing villain kids over, and can probably be manipulated to their purposes without too much effort.

So the VKs think over their potential plans to get the wand, and decide that yeah, if they can get an in with the future king of Auradon, that’s probably a pretty solid place to start.

Unfortunately, they decide to start this attempt by blatantly flirting.

Audrey is very much a political presence in this fic. She’s not evil by any means, but she is goal oriented and doesn’t necessarily love the idea of VKs coming in and altering her five year plan for herself and her boyfriend.

(I think Aurdey is an interesting character, and I wish she’d been given some better motivations in the first movie beyond ‘mean girl in a high school movie’. So in this fic, where they do still crown the incoming royalty at sixteen, they also believe in setting up children for advantageous marriages. Audrey and Ben have been pushed at each other since they were kids, and yeah, maybe there’s not a lot of actual love between them, but they’re friends and it’s way easier to just date each other and make their parents happy than refuse and risk losing the sway they get with their parents by being the good little obedient golden children who are happy to be put together if it’s what’s best for the future of the realm.)

The point of this is, the VKs send Mal in with her very best flirting, taught to her by Evie in a truly hopeless training montage, and it just-

Fails. Completely.

And now Audrey sort of hates them.

Great.

The other unfortunate piece of this heist is that the relationships between the co-conspirators, the core four, are….somewhat intense. Charged, if you will, with a certain kind of tension.

I’m not saying that Malvie hook up in their pink princess dorm room on the first night and then don’t talk about it for the rest of the story despite blatantly flirting with each other all the time, but yeah actually that might be what I’m saying.

This is the middle of the fic now, and there’s some kind of political drama that leads to the VKs finding out about the coronation.

Maybe it’s teammate bonding, because I think it’s tragically underutilized that Ben and Jay are canonically both sports bros and I want more of that sweet high school sports team drama content.

The point is, they find out about the coronation, and that the wand will be out and about during that day.

Oho, they say. An opportunity.

Building on the sports bros theme, Lonnie gets to be in this story! She’s a cool character and I have a couple of unfinished ideas for her kicking around my fic drive, so she’s going to be here too.

Lonnie finds the VKs in a somewhat compromising state of planning.

Uh, what the fuck is this, she says.

What do you THINK, says Mal, who is not known for keeping her mouth shut.

Looks like...some kind of statement that you’re going to make during the coronation, says Lonnie, who is a nice person and also didn’t hear/see all that much of the planning before she was noticed. (as I’m typing this up I am also remembering the School of Secrets shorts?? Lonnie is absolutely going in this fic as someone who spies on her new friends. It’s almost like canon. She’s the daughter of Mulan. She can sneak when she wants to)

Yes. Exactly. A peaceful political statement, says Evie, who is often a quicker thinker than the others. We are going to… sit at the front in protest. Of how we have been treated. As villains. We deserve the same respect as other students, regardless of who our parents are.

Lonnie is surprisingly on board with this, because honestly, based on some of her costume choices in d1, magical disney utopias seem to be overwhelmingly white for the most part and do not know how to support their international students very well.

(am I still mad about the awful dress she was wearing during the family day scene?? yes.)

So now they have Lonnie on board with their made-up protest plan, and they’ve got Ben and Jay being… actually bros, weirdly enough, and somehow there’s got to be high school political intrigue that I haven’t thought through yet (maybe a group who doesn’t approve of the villainy exchange program is trying to get Ben declared unfit?? Idk. Maybe it’s just different mini kingdoms angling for a good position, and it matters Very Deeply who sits where at the coronation and it’s a whole deal. That one probably works a bit better.) and it’s altogether getting Pretty Far Into Things.

Family day isn’t a big conflict in this AU, because the VKs don’t really care about the whole family gathering and party business without Mal being involved with Ben. They decide to have a chill time hanging out and plotting their heist instead. The wand is going to be taken out before the coronation, but rather than try and grab it in the middle of things, it’s got to be easier to grab it right before or after, while it’s in transport.

They have multiple people who can pick locks. People who can charm guards into letting their guard down for a bit. Ways of getting around even electronic lock systems, given some time.

They hang around the classroom a bit longer after their parent phone call, and get to talking with Fairy Godmother about how maybe, possibly, they could get a real place up at the front during the coronation. It’s a good distraction, and hearing more about the logistics of how things are going to go on the day itself is a perfect segue into asking more about the objects that are used during the coronation. It’s important to understand their new home! No other reason they’d want to know about the history and powers of her wand.

No other reason at all.

They learn that the wand is going into secure storage in Fairy Godmother’s office for the day before the ceremony. Of course, it’s going to be safe enough there. The magical wards at the museum are mostly there in case of emergency, and they’re really more about making sure none of the objects get damaged than they are about theft.

There are no more villains in Auradon, after all.

All things considered, it’s shockingly easy to break into Fairy Godmother’s office the night before the coronation. The wand is in a safe with some magic barriers around it, but Mal has her mother’s spellbook, and Evie has a magic mirror that can look up the answer to pretty much anything they ask, so it’s short work for a pair of magic users who have been practicing their spellwork since they day they left the isle to break the temporary barriers down.

There’s a regular human lock as well, and they give that one to Jay. He’s their lockpicking expert, after all.

And there it is.

Mal grabs the wand. There’s a surge of magical energy up through her hand, burning everywhere she’s touching the silvery metal, but in a way that feels like strength.

And all hell breaks loose.

#my fic #descendants fic #disney descendants #this got long very fast and I might need to write at least part of it now #core four #mal bertha #evie grimhilde #jay son of jafar #carlos de vil #i realize that I did not go very far into what these kids are actually DOING beyond the plotting and the answer is Simply Vibing #making friends and influencing people #stirring up drama just because they can #Audrey might actually need to be a major character in this #she's not necessarily the antagonist but she's not an ally either #she and Ben don't break up in this AU but she does let Ben get away with plausible deniability when it comes to flirting with other guys #partially because she doesn't really care if he's into men so long as he's going to marry her #and he does care about her #they've been friends since childhood and it's a weird political landscape when children are coming of age at sixteen #and expected to start participating in governance #also there's a whole lot of tiny kigdoms that basically have their own ruling systems in place #they just also have a larger king who keeps them together for a couple things #like kicking out villains #and having unified borders in times of outside conflict #so that the smaller kingdoms don't get wiped off the map #but that's not the POINT the POINT is the HEIST #steal the wand in a way that is meticulously planned for the whole story leading up to the moment of actual theft #a thruline that's not romance #this is loosely canon pairings as of the beginning of d1 #so like #no actual ships

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loxxxlay · 3 years ago

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Can we get the rest of the ball destroying story?

This is a very long and probably anticlimactic story about how I destroyed an attorney's metaphorical balls by not letting him get away with being a toxic pile of shit. I hope you enjoy.

So, the first thing you need to know is that my old boss (whom I will call M) is a real fucking asshole. 1, he voted for trump; 2, he's a creep; 3, most obnoxiously, he treated his previous lead paralegal like a freaking wife.... or actually worse than a wife really... like an object. like a trophy wife. When the lead paralegal left, he basically treated her like she was divorcing him, as if she was an object of his possession. And he was like "you'll NEVER have it better than you have here, and i'll never let you come back." (Funny story: i am one of 5 paralegals there who put in their 2 week notice during June, and they were so panicked that they called this exact former lead paralegal and asked her to come back. -_-)

Okay so anyway, let's cut the story back to about 2 months ago. I have been M's lead paralegal for about 8 months now since the previous one left, and I'm hating it. I'm actively job hunting because M is becoming toxic to me the same way he was to the last paralegal. I needed references, so I asked another attorney who also worked there to be my reference. We will call him T. So T is my favorite attorney. T is the first person I came out to as having a girlfriend at the firm, and he never once betrayed me. He is everything that M is not. He gives positive feedback like he gives out candy, but he's also honest and real in a way that not a lot of ppl are.

So anyway I secretly ask him to be a reference on my resume, and T is like "sure! but well funnily enough, I'm actually leaving the firm in 2 weeks. I can't ethically recruit people while I'm here, so I'm going to end this conversation here, but.... wink wink, nudge nudge, call me in 2 weeks." So I'm like COOL COOL. And we don't speak of it again.

So 2 weeks pass, I continue job hunting, T leaves the firm. He calls me literally the next day, and he immediately is like "I wanna hire you" and I'm like "okay cool, I wanna be hired." So boom I got a new job. Ethically. (I'm serious though, T is a very ethical guy and he did nothing wrong.) So anyway, T is okay with me waiting until my NYU program in June is over, so my start date is July 1. 1 month from then. T also asks me very politely not to tell M where I'm going because it would sour their "friendship" (a.k.a. the attorney world in utah is a small world and he doesn't want M to get his feelings hurt). And I want to be clear, T did not pressure me at all - he asked for a favor, and I decided to do it for him, because I care about him, that's it. If at any point it became a burden for me, I would have changed my mind, and T would have understood.

So, I wait a week until I'm in New York to tell M i'm leaving him. I come up with a brilliant excuse for why I don't want to tell him where I'm going - "I have a few offers and I don't want to talk about it while I'm still deciding" (which wasn't even really a lie). So I call my boss and I tell him I'm putting in my two weeks. And he treats me like he always treats people - he interrogates me. Except this time, he's shocked and upset, so he SUPER interrogates me. It's super inappropriate questions like "why are you quitting???" and "is it because of money???" and "this is SUCH bad timing" - but it's frustrating because he's an attorney and he knows how to dress up these rude questions with politeness. In a way that if I call him out on it, I'll be the one who looks inappropriate. :( It sucked. But luckily I had spent 3 days researching how to approach this, and.... I gave him nothing. He was desperate for fuel to try to convince me to stay or guilt-trip me into working overtime, and I just didn't give him any because I was prepared, and also.... I'm good at this. My mom says I've been good at this since I was 3-years-old lol.

Anyway so unfortunately during the conversation, he asked the question "Where are you going?" and I immediately gave him my excuse. And I expected that to be done and over with. Idk why I thought it'd be that easy... He immediately started trying to guess where I was going. And at what point, he said "are you going to work for T????" and..... honestly guys... I panicked. I lied. I said, "uh, no." flat out lmao. Like, I was just so shocked that he was asking me in the first place. :( But weirdly, he believed me and that was that (or maybe he filed away the lie for later use as you'll see). I also want to make it clear here that I, at first, wasn't telling M where I was going because T had asked me to... but at this point, with how nosy and inappropriate M was asking, I didn't want to tell M anymore either. It wasn't for T that I was hiding it; it was for me. Like, no M, I don't want you to have any personal details. You're being 150% more of a creep than usual which is impressive considering.

Anyway so I never tell anyone where I'm going except 2 ppl whom I trust on my last day (and yes, one of them betrayed me, which kinda sucks D:). I told T that I had lied to M, and T was like "it's okay, if he finds out, I'll have ur back" and also... I told T I go by Echo instead of my legal name/dead name, so I'm fine with the lie because M will probably never find out anyway. and T was delighted and super supportive of my enby identity. ^_^ It's cute because he never called me by name, but now all of his texts and statements deliberately start out with my name as if to remind me that he supports it lol.

Anyway so flash forward to my new day at the job. It's going great. I love it there. And then I check my phone and I see this fucking text:

M: "I hear you work for T now. I wish you the best, but I specifically remember asking you if that's where you would be working, and you said no."

Like.... what the actual fuck? He never texts me, and also I've been gone from his firm for like a day.. max... have some chill, lmfao. like. At first, I was REALLY upset. Not in a "i feel bad for lying" kind of way. I couldn't care less about that. More in a "i feel like i'm being stalked, one of two close friends betrayed me, and also what the fuck, why are you texting me this??" #yikes. But then that night, I was talking to my dad about it. And I became super amused? Like. What is he going for here? What does he want me to say? What response does he hope that I'll give that will make him feel better? Does he want me to call him crying and begging for forgiveness and for my job back? Like? I genuinely sincerely want to know what the fuck he was expecting me to say. I want to understand what was going through his head lol.

And of course, because I am a passive aggressive bitch, I immediately catch on to the fact that he is Butthurt (shocking, I know). His feelings are hurt. An object of his, his very own lead paralegal, lied to him outright and he didn't see it coming! How dare she! He wants to make me feel hurt like he feels hurt, and he's a lawyer, he knows how to interrogate people and manipulate people and get them to suck his dick, idk. So he should be able to use those skills to make me feel bad for lying. He wants to one-up me. But see, what he didn't realize is that....

1, I don't feel guilty for lying to him... at all... like, it took me a couple hours to realize this, but the only negative emotion it made me feel was discomfort and fear. not guilt. the same way i feel when a strange man asks me for a hug, and i feel like refusing would look "rude." Like, there's nothing guilty about that. So yeah. His goal is to expose my guilt to make himself feel better, but... my guilt doesn't exist, so good luck

2, um, like I said earlier, I've been a passive aggressive bitch since the day I was born, unlike this bitch who had to go to college to learn how to do it, and not only that - I'm better at it than him. lmfao. His pride is gonna take a hit.

so I toy with the idea of ignoring him because I know that will really fuck him up and make him constantly think about it and check his texts to see if I've responded. But then T tells me that it's probably better to not burn a bridge because again.... super small world here.

So anyway lol, my response ends up being pretty simple but painstakingly constructed:

"Thank you! :) It wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and I had already talked. I wish you the best as well."

The "Thank you! :)" to seem like I am utterly oblivious to the hidden accusation and passive aggressiveness. The middle sentence to be like "uh, are you really accusing me of lying right now?" and the last sentence, my favorite, to shut down the conversation forever. Now, if he responds, he already lost. Because there's no way to continue this conversation without exposing the fact that his "I wish you the best" was completely insincere. I've stripped away his ability to respond fake-politely (which is his modus operandi), and I've forced the last word on him.

Also, even better... (and no one has any way of proving this, least of all him, but) that statement (the "it wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and i had already talked") is completely a lie on my part, and he knows it. T offered me the job the Monday after he left. There's no way he doesn't know that. So not only did I show obliviousness and not only did I shut the conversation down, I outright stonecold lied a second time. And there's no way for him to call me out on it. Like what could he even do? Send me a screenshot of my hire date? Send me a screenshot of an email I sent to a coworker? If he tries that, he's already lost again because like ... obviously super immature... it would be so easy to crush him with niceness like "Wow, I can tell this has really bothered you!" hahahhaha. Sadly he's smart enough not to do that, but it must be infuriating to know I'm lying and not be able to accuse me.

As an attorney whose literal job it is to catch & expose people lying, he literally watched me flat out lie to his face. Twice. And I didn't feel bad about it. And there was nothing he could do about it either time. He went to law school for this shit, and he still can't out-passive-aggressive me, the classic bitch.

Anyway so T apparently he showed his wife M's message, and she was like "oh my god what an asshole!!!" which I must admit was extremely validating!! And then he showed his wife my message, and she made a shocked face and said "wow she's good." And I always thought T was kinda just flattering me to be nice when he complimented my use of words in defusing angry clients and conveying info about a sensitive subject... but apparently his wife thinks so too, so I guess he's been more serious than I thought. I feel so.... complimented.... it's weird.... but I"m very happy and squeeing.

It's been like almost 24 hours and M has yet to respond to me, and if he does, he's already lost. I'll eviscerate him.

So like I know this story is probably disappointing and might not seem like I shanked his balls, but ... take my word for it because if u knew what a chaotic insecure pathetic mess he was and how he desperately claws for control by trying to intimidate and upset all of his employees (and pretty much always succeeds), then you'd understand that he's NEVER encountered something like this before. Someone literally just not giving a shit what he thinks about them. And from what I know of him, I promise you that this has certainly fucked him up for a good long while. And that makes me happy :')

#lox replies #tismannyv14

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radicalposture · 4 years ago

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Hey, so were you diagnosed with autism/adhd as an adult? If you don't mind me asking, was that difficult to achieve? I'm 25, and I've often thought I might have adhd, but I've held off on looking into it because I hear it's extremely difficult and expensive to get it tested and diagnosed as an adult.

yes I only got diagnosed last october, I was 25 then too! it was kind of a weird journey for me, all of my siblings and my dad got diagnosed with autism or adhd one after the other and I was still saying “but I can’t really be autistic/adhd” right up until I actually got diagnosed lol. but since then my whole life suddenly makes sense for the first time and I really think things are gonna be ok! this applies to autism/adhd/other neurodiverse stuff but autism and adhd is what I know, but I hope it applies broadly as well

so unfortunately yes, it can be pretty expensive to get through the whole process. depends on where you live of course, I live in Ireland so even though we do have public healthcare I would probably have been on a waiting list for upwards of two years to see a terrible psychologist who didn’t know anything about adhd/autism so I went to a private psychologist. I already knew her pretty well bc my siblings had been to her and I knew she knew what she was talking about and I felt comfortable with her. seeing her cost me around €900 which is definitely a lot, different psychologists have different rates but the price can go up depending on what tests u get done. the more tests you do the more expensive it will be as a general rule (at the same time I saw a different psychologist who had a lower flat rate so idk what the “rules” are about this tbh) I got a standard assessment as well as autism and adhd tests which is why it was so expensive. it used up pretty much all my savings lmao but after getting a diagnosis I was able to apply for disability allowance (which was a hellish process) and I got rejected and had to appeal the decision but I got it in the end, which is fortunate bc I quit my job lol.

recently I wanted to look into medication so I had to go to a psychiatrist because you can’t get a prescription for stimulant medication from a gp in most countries I think? BUT he’d only see me if I got rediagnosed by his psychologist, so that was another €300 for each of them. I did get prescribed ritalin in the end but I’ll have to get the prescription refilled a few times a year bc it’s a restricted medication, which will mean paying €100 ish for each time I do. fortunately I don’t actually have to pay for the medication itself bc I have a medical card.

so yes, it can be expensive! all told it’s cost me almost €2000 to get it all sorted and will keep costing me maybe €300 a year from now on, so it’s definitely something you have to budget for. especially depending on where you live, I imagine things are v different from country to country. also I’m very fortunate bc I still live with my family so I’m free of some financial pressure and I’d been saving for it for a while but I know how hard it is to countenance paying out that kind of money, and wondering whether it’s worth it.

as to whether it’s difficult to achieve I think you’ve got to break it down because official diagnosis is only part of it. so if you think you do have ADHD I’d look at it from a couple of different angles:

1. self acceptance/understanding is absolutely the most important thing. I know people who’ve never been to a psych who know they’re autistic/adhd and really flourish, I also know people who have official diagnoses but who won’t accept it themselves and reject help/support and they’re making things so hard for themselves. so the most important thing is to educate yourself about what adhd means and, more importantly, what it means for you. everyone’s brain is different and understanding exactly how your brain works and why you think/behave the way you do is the most important thing you can do. there are a lot of resources out there, especially online, - I’ll put a link to a google drive of books and things I have at the bottom - and it can be good to connect with others online as well. having people who Get It and can help you is really paramount, I know often our irl families/friends can sometimes let us down so sometimes the only support you can get is from following ppl on twitter or something. the adhd subreddit is weirdly helpful and supportive, it’s great to be able to throw out a question like “I think like this am I insane y/n” and have other people go “nah ur fine” it’s very validating (also validation/external perspectives is super important for adhd bc we can be extremely bad at self assessment). so yes, the most important thing is firstly to know thyself by 1) educating yourself and 2) listening/connecting with others like u.

2. is it important to have an “official” diagnosis? no and yes. obviously you don’t need a diagnosis from a doctor to know what you are, and 70% of the things needed to help you flourish are going to come from your own research and the support systems you make. and if you cant afford or access a psychologist or psychiatrist it doesn’t make it any less real or bar you from educating yourself/accessing resources etc. HOWEVER. if you can get a good diagnosis then I really would go for it, bc: 1) it opens a LOT of doors to official resources, whether that’s access to welfare, supports and accommodations at school or college, medication, etc etc. a lot of the time the supports we need are behind this diagnostic paywall, which sucks but it is what it is :/ so that’s one consideration. 2) it can be really validating and help set your mind at ease about whether you “really” have adhd or if you’re “faking”. like I said I didn’t believe that I was “allowed” to be autistic before I got diagnosed. I also didn’t consider that I might have adhd, I went in thinking I’d just get the autism diagnosis so it wasn’t something I would have found out on my own probably. so it can be good to get an outside opinion, especially as, like I said, we can be really bad at self assessment. 3) it feels good to know you have a piece of paper to throw at rude family members/teachers/doctors who don’t believe it’s real 4) if you can find a good psychiatrist/psychologist it can be such a good thing to have that support and to get genuinely good advice from a professional you trust. doesn’t always happen but if u can find one it’s a godsend

wow this got long. to summarise, if you think you have adhd or anything else I would

research and educate yourself. for adhd probably the best thing to do is read driven to distraction and delivered from distraction, written by two psychiatrists who are adhd themselves. they’re both in this google drive along with loads of other resources I’ve collected, there’s also books about autism as well. as a disclaimer not everything/everyone here has my 100% endorsement some of it is there for academic/historical interest or only parts are helpful but by and large it’s useful. also watch this video and feel Seen

look for a good psychologist/psychiatrist if you’re going for a diagnosis. see if there’s an adhd organisation in your country/area and if they can recommend anyone. a lot of the time you’re better going to a child/educational psychologist who’ll see adult clients as they tend to Get It more. do look for someone who is clear about having experience in adult adhd bc unfortunately even qualified psychologists get a LOT wrong so make sure you get someone who knows what they’re doing before you give them your money

yes it can be really expensive. but if you’re needing to access things like medication or welfare I think it’s well worth the trouble and the money. my sister got diagnosed in her second year of college and was able to save her degree bc of extensions on projects and things like that (I didn’t get diagnosed until after college and spent four years torturing myself I WISH I had known) and it can be something that’s better done sooner rather than later. So if it’s something you can do without putting yourself in financial danger I think it’s good to bite the bullet and go for it. like I used up basically all my savings BUT I now can access disability payments and medication so it was worth it for me. it’ll be different for everyone so use your judgement obviously

anyway hope this helped! let me know if you need anything else! and good luck on your journey

#brain tag

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dxmagedrose · 5 years ago

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GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it.

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now! [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore. even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye. i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way.

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all.

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER. F L Y P A P E R. FLYPAPER. FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street. roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani. I am but a simple opossum.

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’) It’s the most grounding smell in the world.

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I—— I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!! take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT… the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

#||: && the mundane ( ooc );#( get to know a bitch!! )#( this was... a lot of me rambling about weirdly personal shit at 2 am )

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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488

Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? Only in the early morning, cause everything’s louder and darker by then. Do you get any magazines in the mail? No, we don’t get anything in the mail other than bills my parents take care of. How many websites do you have an account for? I’ve signed up for a lot. This question was probably easy to ask back then given that this survey was made back in 2009 lmao, but the Internet has since exploded and you pretty much have to sign up for everything if you want a website’s full features. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? My dad pays for the family Netflix account, but I don’t have a credit card of my own. Do you try clothes on before you buy them? I’m usually lazy to so I go ahead and buy them. If they don’t fit well I’ll either ask my grandma to alter it or just give it away.

Have you seen The Blind Side? I’ve caught it on TV. I know it’s supposed to be a really good film, but it’s never grabbed my attention enough to be interested in it. What's the best movie you've seen this year? Hintayan ng Langit (Heaven’s Waiting). Do you know how to fire a gun? I’ve never even held a gun. What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? Scream. As loud as I can. Have you played the Sims 3, yet? I never got to play it. What's your favorite type of pizza? Barbecue!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s the only kind I can eat like five slices of in one sitting. Do you have a favorite local pizza place? Mmm no not really. My favorite store is Yellow Cab. What are you afraid of? Flying insects. Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? I was, once. It was my best friend and we had an amazing relationship at that point, so I had every reason to feel scared of what I was starting to feel. How do you let someone know that you like them? When I knew I liked Gabie, I started to spend more time with her and do the little things that I knew she’d appreciate, like buying her favorite snacks or a book by her current favorite author. Have you ever asked a friend to ask someone else out for you? No. Who'd you last see in a tux? I had to assist in a fancy internal party of one of our clients during my internship, and I saw a lot of guys (none of them I know) in formal wear. Were you sad when Tim Urban got sent home on American Idol? Name’s familar, let me look him up... hmm. He was one of those I never cared for in that season. I was all over Crystal Bowersox and Siobhan Magnus for season 9 hahaha. What about Jason Castro, 2 years ago? The dude with the cornrows and played guitar! I was generally a fan of his. He was good, but I remember just being more enthusiastic over David Archuleta for that season. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? When I was a kid, my parents would do this for me. We don’t have a sort of gadget that does this to our TV anymore. Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? ‘Beautiful’ is a BITCH to pronounce if Filipino’s your stronger accent. I have a hard time with it myself. When my mind is thinking to say that word, I always end up saying ‘pretty’ at the last second cause my tongue seems to get all tied up. Would you rather take a shower or a bath? Bath, if I had all the time in the world. How many times do you shower in a week? Like a maximum of 6 days. I always skip a day. What brand's your cell phone? Apple. Have you ever sexted? Yes. I never did enjoy it when I was still doing it.

How many contacts do you have? Err too many to count, I know that much. Do you have your own computer? I have my own *laptop.

Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? Laurice or Jane. Who's the bravest person you know? I was gonna say Gabie till I found out recently that she’s afraid of killing cockroaches lmfao so I’ll go with my dad. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Gab. Do you ever make up retarded words with your friends? Ah, back when using the word ‘retarded’ to mean ‘stupid’ was acceptable. Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? Lmao yep, that is high school in a nutshell my friend. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? My girlfriend used to play softball and basketball in high school. She’s not as sporty anymore as uni keeps her busy, but she has a gym membership and is super into the whole working out thing if that counts haha. Are you any good at writing? Certain types of writing. I like research, essays, and academic writing but you cannot trust me to write poems and short stories. What's your favorite form of writing? Autobiographies, whatever they count as. What do you think about Lil Wayne? Whatever. Lil Wayne vs. Eminem...? Idk, I’m pretty sure both have problematic content on their songs so I’ll pass. Have you ever given up on someone before? Yes. Did you end up regretting it later in life? No. Have you ever read Shakespeare? We had to read Shakespeare in English class throughout high school. It was Romeo and Juliet in freshman year, The Merchant of Venice in sophie year, Macbeth in junior year, and Hamlet when we were seniors. What did you dream about last night? Oddly enough I dreamt that Gab died and its aftermath, which was me continuing to visit her family after she passed. It was weirdly realistic and I hated it. Have you ever looked up the meaning to a dream? Some, sure. I did it just for the lols. Have you ever tried to change someone? I don’t think so. Can anyone really change anyone that doesn't wanna change? It’s a tough hill to climb but if it’s to change someone for the better, it will be worth it to try and do so. Do you think that anyone currently has a crush on you? I know my girlfriend does; idk about anyone else. What profession do you admire the most? Teaching. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? Nope. What's the hardest lesson you've ever had to learn? World’s not gonna stop for you when a loved one does. Yours will end, but no one else will care. Life goes on. Suck it up. Learned it the hard way when my grandpa died. What are you wearing right now? I have on a black and white dress that I haven’t changed out of yet because I’m too lazy. Do you miss your ex? What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? If they’re jerks or not. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Yes. I questioned it for a very long time because I had never been comfortable with any of the bazillion existing labels we have now, and I thought I was just a weirdo. Then Dan Howell posted a video for Pride Month and let me know that I didn’t need a label to let people know who I am and I could be a formless, label-less blob if I wanted to and that I shouldn’t give a shit what others think. Thanks Dan. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why? Having more money. Because buying stuff makes me happy.

#survey #surveys

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makeste · 6 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 024: Todoroki VS a Giant Robot

Previously on BnHA: All Might told Deku to use the sports fest to become one of the popular kids. Deku was all “but I’m not sure if I want to be a popular kid.” All the other kids in U.A. came over to start some shit with class 1-A. Bakugou was all, YOU GUYS SUUUUUCK, and then this one guy with raccoon eyes literally declared war on them. The other 1-A kids were like AHHH BAKUGOU WHAT DID YOU DO but he was all I’M AIMING FOR THE TOP and fucking everyone was like WHOA and then they all trained and now it’s the day of the fest! Also Todoroki came up to Deku and was like let’s be rivals and Deku was like... ... ....YES.

Today on BnHA: Bakugou ad-libs the Athletes’ Oath. The sports festival kicks off with an obstacle course. Class A gets right into it. Todoroki fucks up some robots. Deku prepares to go fucking apeshit on this thing.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 44 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

fucking go figure that the instant Japan’s population suddenly gets superpowers, they immediately do away with the Olympics and are all, “TIME FOR THE FUCKING HUNGER GAMES, BITCHES”

class 1-A is entering the arena first! well, they fucking earned it. and also they come first alphabetically. but they still fucking earned it

Deku is all OH SHIT THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE WATCHING

and Iida is like yes there are indeed a copious number of homo sapiens gathered here to observe our participation in this grand and glorious spectacle today

Kiri is like BAKUGOU HEY BAKUGOU LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE WHAT DO YOU THINK, BAKUGOU

Yamamoto. Yamamoto to Bakudou’s Gokudera. I love it and it’s a fine, fine thing

Bakugou you should be more grateful that you somehow have one friend now

so like seven other classes are coming out now, and then they all gather for the oath!

IT’S THE MADAME

“THE R-RATED HERO MIDNIGHT” OH MY GOD

WOW they sure can get away with a lot in Shounen Jump these days, huh

I mean, you go and do your own thing though, Midnight!

is her power r-rated. sob. I’m. actually really curious loll

WHOA WHAT

WHAT DOES THE STUDENT REPRESENTATIVE DO AND WHY IS IT HIM AND WHEN WAS THAT DECIDED

DEKU’S FACE LMAO

“must be because he placed first in the entrance exam” ah okay

what does the student representative do though

ahhh he’s climbing up to the stage

BAKUGOU’S GOING TO LEAD THEM IN THE OATH OMG

if it’s like the Olympic Oath then it’s going to be really earnest and idealistic and so weirdly out of character for him then

yeah boy you stand up there with your hands in your pockets and do this

...is this the oath

SOMEHOW I get the feeling it’s not lmao

THIS IS WHY YOU DO REHEARSALS FOR THESE THINGS U.A.

everyone is booing him and he’s like flexing up there on the stage and this fucking guy

and meanwhile Deku is standing there thinking deep thoughts about him

oh my god Deku you can’t keep doing this without warning

JUST WRITE A FUCKING FANFIC ABOUT HIM DEKU. GO ON AND WRITE YOUR KACCHAN META. YOU PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE ONE DON’T YOU. IT’S PROBABLY IN YOUR FUCKING NOTEBOOK RIGHT NOW

just. I can’t believe Deku is out here doing my fucking job for me jesus christ

but anyways. what the fuck kind of athlete’s oath was that lmao

and they’re all just shrugging their shoulders and getting on with it. well okay then

so @alessandriana tells me this arc will have some good Bakugou moments, and what with it starting off like that, I can’t wait to see where this is all gonna go

(ETA: THAT WAS A SURPRISINGLY DEVASTATING TWIST AT THE END)

also I’m interested as to what kind of superhero sponsors he’s going to attract (if any) with this kind of plucky FUCK YOU GUYS IMMA WIN THIS THING attitude

the qualifiers! let’s goooo

OOH AN OBSTACLE COURSE

whaaat the fuck lol. “a race between every member of all eleven classes.” like, all of them at once? because that basically IS the hunger games if that’s the case

can you even fit that many people on an obstacle course all at once

a four-kilometer lap around the stadium... exactly how big is this stadium

after a couple minutes’ research, I learned that MetLife Stadium in NJ has a circumference of 2 miles, so this is bigger than that. and MetLife is pretty damn big. no wonder Deku was intimidated by the size of the crowd

so basically the rules are “do what you want but stay on the course”

they could literally start murdering each other or some shit. well, like I said. hunger games

everyone’s lining up for the start and shit’s getting tense

Deku is crouching forward looking all serious and remembering what All Might said about announcing to the world, “I AM HERE”

is he gonna attempt to use One for All again? because he will fuck up his legs, unless he managed a miracle in training these last couple of weeks

“realistically speaking, I still can’t regulate it... to a reasonable extent” well that answers my question. except not really

“that’s why I have to overcome it” yeah, you just stand there and think vague things then, Deku. guess I’m not gonna get a straight answer out of you huh kid

light’s turning green!

here comes a fucking stampede

so exactly how many kids die in this event every year I wonder

where’s exit sign Iida when you need him

hmm Deku seems to be noticing something about the starting gate. probably that it’s the first obstacle

Todoroki is not fucking around lmao

best to just let him get on ahead. he’ll only fuck you all up

Bakugou and Iida should also be pretty fast here though

oho, Aizawa’s sitting next to Mic in the commentary box! and he’s still all bandaged up!! wow, he hasn’t healed yet after two whole weeks... this truly is a different kind of shounen

uh oh here comes the circus

”half and half” lmao

I see Aoyama is up to his usual glorious nonsense

Kirishima should not be fast enough to keep up with the rest of class A with his power but look at him go anyway

I BELIEVE IN YOU ALL, GODSPEED

also when will Homestuck and Birdman get to actually do something anyway??

and I am taking note of that “sizzle” fx coming from Homestuck, which is not helping me to narrow down her mysterious powers at all. I bet it’s clearer in the anime, but I’m kind of worried about spoiling myself now

(ETA: surprisingly it was not clear and I’m still not sure what the hell it is that she creates even after watching that whole arc. it looks like acid, maybe? but who fucking knows.)

OCHAKO SAYS SHE CAN’T BUST OUT HER SUPER-SECRET MOVES YET. SHE HAS SUPER-SECRET MOVES?!

OHO WHAT’S THIS

methinks someone may possibly have a mind control quirk! I was waiting for someone to have a mind control quirk!

Todoroki is impressed by the number of people who made it past his ice blast

were you just planning to freeze all 160 kids there Todoroki

Mineta is trying to do something. Mineta has forgotten that he’s cancelled

better

now what the heck was that thing

ehh? these are the robots from the entrance exam? how cheap and lazy, U.A. I want some Harry Potter obstacles. like dragons and sphinxes and shit

oohhhh but if we can’t have that then I guess I will reluctantly accept Todoroki vs a Giant Robot instead

actually that’s like three giant robots

actually that’s like... uhh... you know what, we’ll just say that it’s a lot

lol the kids from the other courses are like “the hero course kids fought THOSE?” yeah that’s right. show some damn respect

oh that’s right, Todoroki and Momo haven’t seen these before

[SLAMS HAND ON TABLE] RIGHT???! FUCKING RIGHT, MOMO!!!??!! YES, EXACTLY, SOMEONE OVER AT U.A. HAS EITHER A ROBOT-PRINTING QUIRK OR A MONEY-PRINTING QUIRK I SWEAR TO GOD

it would be so fucking funny if everyone got real quiet and turned and stared at Deku expectantly, waiting for him to do something. obviously it won’t happen but just the thought of it made me chuckle

but this time we’ve got good ol’ Frozone here, so

yeah they cheaped out on us Todo

hi hello, um, what

I immediately pictured dad being like an ice dude and mom being a fire gal. so basically like Daenerys and Jon Snow

(ETA: lol got it backwards, but basically)

Todoroki is now freezing the giant robot with ease

lol the other kids are hovering behind him just letting him take out all the obstacles for them

uh oh he doesn’t seem too keen on that

Todoroki did you just. crush a bunch of fifteen-year-olds

well that will certainly hold a number of them back. but probably not anyone from 1-A, or that mind control guy

Deku you were still that far behind?? get moving kiddo

all the robots are staring him down again

I wonder does it count as using his power against someone else if he uses it against a robot

I know it didn’t work the first time, but that was literally the first time, and it was before he knew the microwave trick

go punch some robots Deku

what kind of a face is this. no seriously. it’s like he has absolutely no idea what he’s gonna do, but he’s not gonna let that stop him. haha, well okay

BONUS:

HARVEY BIRDMAN

so you went for 4 syllables on both your first and last names, huh buddy. well then, I’ll go with “Fumikage” for now, since I’m gonna get “Tokoyami” mixed up with Todoroki I think

(ETA: in the end I was forced to memorize “Tokoyami” since that’s what everyone uses. let me tell you, it was exactly as difficult as I predicted. but I did it!)

“favorite things: dimly lit places” wow

(ETA: actually this now makes sense, kinda? except he said that while darkness makes his power stronger, it also makes it harder to control. which sounds scary to me but I guess he’s into it?)

“I personally think this guy is cool beyond cool” yeah I’ll say. dimly lit places. just sitting there in those dark corners eating apples while music from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack plays

#bnha #boku no hero academia #makeste reads bnha #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #goddamn this arc started out so badass and then punched me so hard in the feels at the end #not gonna lie I loved it though

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iamanartichoke · 6 years ago

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Do you have any tips for self editing? I have a serious lack of confidence when it comes to this. Help??

Ah, I am by no means an expert, so you can take my tips with a grain of salt, but I think the first and most important thing is to try to battle that lack of confidence. I’m not sure if this is what you mean, but sometimes when I am editing, I kind of cringe at what I’ve written and I’m like, ugh, this is total garbage, it’s embarrassing. And that mindset makes it kind of hard not only to edit what you’ve already written, but to continue writing new content. So, you have to try to ignore that voice of self-doubt (which is hard, and I don’t really have any advice for making it easier except to literally just “fake it till you make it” [even though I hate that expression, sorry >_

If you’re looking for more technical advice, I can give you a few examples of my own process. One thing I do is to keep an eye out for little quirks that I know I overuse in my writing, such as too many semicolons, or a certain word usage or phrasing that sounds repetitive, especially reading it back again after I’ve been on a roll. I try to figure out if there’s another way I can phrase the thing without losing the meaning of what I wanted to portray in the first place. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but, like, as an example, I noticed (after posting a snippet yesterday) that I had Thor roll his eyes and then Loki roll his eyes two sentences later. So I changed it to “Loki made a face” or something similar, so that way, I can still portray that he thinks Thor is a dumbass without repeating the exact phrasing that I’d already used for Thor thinking Loki is a dumbass. (They love each other, I swear.)

Also, I abuse Thesaurus.com a lot. If I’m reading over my stuff and realize that I used the word “agony” six times in one page, for example, I go to try to find another couple of words that will convey the same meaning. Then I try to see if I can use the new words in different forms (as an adjective instead of a noun, for example) or rearrange the sentence structure to accommodate the new words so that there’s enough variation to (hopefully) make the new words sounds natural rather than sounding like I abused Thesaurus.com. (I’m not sure how successful I am with this, if we’re going for complete transparency. I think most times I do okay, but sometimes after I’ve published the thing, I’ll go back and that one place where I plugged in something from Thesaurus.com just smacks me in the face and I’m like, well, that didn’t work out so well. So it might be a bit trial and error.)

Generally, I would also say it’s important to take your time. I am very well acquainted with that feeling of wanting to post something as soon as you’ve written it, for that sweet, sweet validation (which is totally fine) but, if you can, let the story/chapter/section sit for a day or two and come back to it with a pair of fresh eyes. It makes the editing process easier, because you’re not so bogged down after having just written the thing. I also suggest that you highlight or asterisk certain sentences where you’re aware you either want to edit or come back and take a closer look at it, if you don’t have the energy to edit it right this moment but you don’t want to ignore it, either. I do this when I’m skimming and kind of line editing, but I’ll highlight a section where I think I could use a bit more research, or I know I want a character to express something better, or maybe I want to add onto it, but just not right at that moment.

I know you asked about self editing, but it seems like the majority of fic writers use betas, for those little things we don’t always notice ourselves, even in revisions. The only reason I personally don’t use a beta is because I’m kind of weirdly a control freak about my writing and I have my own process and whatnot that doesn’t really fit with having a beta right now (but that could change in the future, who knows). (Edit: By this, I mean to say that if you feel it fits in your process, you can get a beta to help out where you might not feel as confident self-editing.)

Finally, remember that nothing you do has to be perfect, and that’s okay. You might miss things. You might think something sounds good after a revision, only to read it after it’s been published and think, yeah, I could have done that better. You might end up with plot holes (or even just little plot stumbles/tangles). That’s all completely fine. When I go back and reread parts of Sanctuary now, I feel like there is a ton that I should have better revised or that I might write completely differently now - but, a lot of people have told me that they really liked/enjoyed that story, and my worry over what I could have done better/different doesn’t take away from how much the readers liked it. I guarantee you that your readers aren’t noticing or judging - we are our own worst critics, after all. And I think this ties back to my first point, too - these are the things you can kind of remind yourself of when you’re feeling doubtful or unconfident in your abilities as a writer or even as an editor.

I … hope that somewhere in that babble you found something even a little helpful, lmao. Thank you for the ask and best of luck!!

#asks #charlotte replies #writing #writing tips #editing tips #revisions #editing #aliciarosefantasy

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texanredrose · 7 years ago

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Did You Know?

-Today, 0317- (214) 13-170-9: Did you know that "hamburger" is two words combined, but it's not "ham" and "burger", but "hamburg" and "er"? No idea what "er" means, though. Or “Hamburg” really. English is weird. You: Who are you and how did you get this number? (214) 13-170-9: Shit, is this not Blake? You: No. I am not Blake. (214) 13-170-9: Ah fuck, sorry, must've fat fingered the number! You: It's four in the morning here. (214) 13-170-9: Oh, cool, same timezone. Still, sorry about that. You: It's fine. You: And, for the record, -er is an Atlesian suffix that roughly means "from" and Hamburg is a city in Atlas. "Hamburger" means, quite literally, "from Hamburg". You: I grew up not too far from there. (214) 13-170-9: Oh, that's so cool! My name's Yang! You: Noted. Now, may I return to slumber or do you have any other useless trivia to impart upon me? (214) 13-170-9: Right, sorry! Again! (214) 13-170-9: Night! Sweet dreams!

-Today, 1034- You: Now that it’s a somewhat respectable hour, I’d like to apologize for being curt last night. (214) 13-170-9: Hey, I get it! I’d be a little cranky if someone woke me up, too. (214) 13-170-9: Really, no harm, no foul. (214) 13-170-9: But if you’re ever in need of useless trivia, I’m here! You: That was... harsh of me. (214) 13-170-9: I mean, you’re not exactly wrong. Most of this stuff isn’t really that useful. But it can be food for thought or even a little funny! Like, did you know the electric chair was invented by a dentist? Sounds weirdly appropriate, doesn’t it? (214) 13-170-9: Guess he got his patients confused with chickens; THOSE are the ones where you pull out all the white things and THEN fry ‘em. You: That was dark. You: I’ll admit it made me laugh out loud, but still dark. (214) 13-170-9: Okay, look, I work with what material’s available to me, and that was the first one that popped into my head. (214) 13-170-9: Also, did you really type out ‘laugh out loud’? lol, really? You: What do you have against properly spelling out words? (214) 13-170-9: Okay, you know what, in hindsight, you’re right. It just caught me off guard. Most people use abbreviations. (214) 13-170-9: Or emojis. You: I honestly hate the sight of that stupid word. You: Also, I spend all day trapped in an alphabet soup hell. I don’t need more abbreviations, thank you. (214) 13-170-9: But they make things so much quicker! btw, ofc I could spell it all out, but rn I’m using one hand, other’s occupied. (214) 13-170-9: I swear that’s not as dirty as it sounds. You: At EOD, I meet with my POC for a SITREP, then CM to the DFAC. (214) 13-170-9: I respectfully withdraw my argument, have a good day.

-Today, 1425- (214) 13-170-9: Um. I might be overstepping here and maybe you’re busy but either way I hope I didn’t upset you or insult you earlier. You: You said “have a good day”; I assumed that was the end of the conversation. (214) 13-170-9: Do you even meme?! You: I realize I implied and now am outright stating that English isn’t my primary language but you don’t have to make up words. (214) 13-170-9: Oml have you never seen a meme before? Hold on. (214) 13-170-9: [MyHairIsABird.jpeg][open][save] You: What.The. Fuck. (214) 13-170-9: You’ve never seen that before? You: I have and am now wondering why I allowed myself to be teleported back a decade. You: At least. It’s probably closer to two at this point. (214) 13-170-9: That’s a meme. It’s short for mimetic mutation I think? Where a joke gets so far removed from the source that it loses all connection but it’s still somehow funny? You: No. (214) 13-170-9: Look, I’ve never had to explain a meme before! You: I’m not saying “no” to your explanation; I’m saying “no” to that meme, as you call it. (214) 13-170-9: That’s what it’s called! You: Of course it is. (214) 13-170-9: Okay, fine, how about this one? (214) 13-170-9: [loss.jpeg][open][save] You: Now you’re tormenting me. You: Wait. I recognize this format. You: This is the stupid joke the idiots I call my subordinates are giggling about like school children? You: It’s not even a joke. This is a serious matter. (214) 13-170-9: I mean, I agree, I’m not sure how it became a joke but it did? (214) 13-170-9: I swear I’m not as dark as I’ve been sounding. (214) 13-170-9: Like, this whole conversation is kinda atypical for me, I swear. You: You’re putting in a lot of effort to convince a stranger that you’re not exactly as you’ve been acting. (214) 13-170-9: Well, you got me there. Sorry.

-Today, 1832- You: You’ve gone quiet. I suppose both of your hands were required? (214) 13-170-9: I just figured you probably had a point and I should just stop digging a bigger hole for myself. You: You don’t have any more trivia? (214) 13-170-9: Did you know a shark’s top speed is 96 km/h? You: Which species? (214) 13-170-9: Uh, Mako shark, I think. You: You are correct. I have a certain affinity for sharks. You: They aren’t as terrible as people make them out to be, you know. Yang: Actually, more people die from being struck on the head with a coconut than from shark attacks every year. They’re mostly fine if you leave them alone. Unprovoked attacks aren’t as common as people think, I mean. It’s mostly just one species responsible for them, too, but people lump all sharks together. You: They do. Sharks are dangerous, yes, but most creatures are. Sharks just get a bad reputation for essentially no reason. Yang: Actually, the movie Jaws spawned a lot of the social stigma around sharks. Yang: Do you have a favorite shark? You: The catshark. There’s several species all over Remnant; they’re deep sea creatures, living below what most people fish at, but they’re occasionally spotted by research vessels. They have beautiful skins with wonderful patterns but very little is known about them, and each subspecies is unique in its own way. You: They’re truly fascinating creatures. Yang: They sound really cool! You: I have a question for you. Yang: Shoot. You: You’ve given me your name yet you haven’t ask me mine. Why? Yang: Well, let’s start from the top. Yang: I messaged you in the middle of the night on accident, which you weren’t very happy about. Then when you apologized, I made a bad joke and you took it literally. THEN, I apologized again, and we talked about memes, and that entire discussion didn’t go anywhere good, I think we’re on the same page on that one. Yang: So, from my perspective, I really don’t have any right to ask your name. I gave you mine so you’d know who to specifically curse if you’re religiously inclined. Yang: Or, like, you just want the satisfaction of specifically cursing me, because like, mood. You: How thoughtful. You: It’s Winter. Yang: I’m pretty sure it’s spring? You: You boob. My name is Winter. Yang: OH Yang: IT’S A GOOD NAME You: ... really? Yang: Absolutely! It’s a beautiful name! You: That wasn’t me looking for reassurance; that was me being... surprised by your response. Yang: It makes me think of Atlas, kinda, cause it’s so cold up there. Yang: Oh. Yang: I am just a series of “open mouth, insert foot” examples today. You: Are you on something? Alcohol? Weed? Nicotine? Yang: NO! You: Admittedly, that last one wouldn’t lead to such a lapse in judgement as you’ve currently displayed. You: Are you lying to me? Yang: FUCKING NO, I’M NOT ON ANYTHING! Yang: I just haven’t been sleeping well recently and my head’s a little fuzzy. That’s all. You: That would explain the middle-of-the-night trivia session. Yang: I said I was sorry about that. You: I believe you but I also believe that a good night’s rest in fundamentally important. You: Tonight, you’re going to sleep at a reasonable hour. Yang: You can’t just command me to go to sleep! You: I just did. Yang: Wait a minute, the acronyms, the orders, “subordinates”- you’re military, aren’t you? You: Yes. Yang: That’s awesome! I’m just a mechanic. I like working on engines. You: Riveting, truly, but those are topics for tomorrow. Tonight, you sleep. Yang: lmao, nice pun! You: I didn’t make a pun. Yang: I said I’m a mechanic, you said “riveting”, how was that not a pun? You: You’re deflecting. Yang: My shields are up. You: I’m not engaging in a pun war when you should be going to bed. Yang: I’m not going to bed, so I guess we’re at a stalemate. You: Fine. Here’s the deal. Make me a promise. Yang: Wow, we’re hardly on first name basis and now we’re making promises? You move fast. You: Promise me you’ll text me whatever piece of trivia comes to mind whenever you’re having trouble sleeping. Yang: I don’t get it. I’d be waking you up at all hours. You: Exactly. You seem like the sort of person to care very much about others so I doubt you’d compromise my sleep intentionally. Now that you have a clear purpose of going to sleep to help someone else sleep, you’ll have an easier time accomplishing the task. Yang: What are you, some kinda quack psychologist? Yang: You’re playing dirty. You: I’m military. What did you honestly expect? Yang: Touche. Yang: Fine. I’ll try to sleep tonight. But just know! I have a whole bunch of factoids for ya! Get ready cause neither of us is sleeping tonight! You: Usually, I’d insist someone buy me dinner first. Yang: Now you’re flirting. You: I’m merely stating fact. You: How about one more “factoid” before bed? Yang: Did you know a shark’s teeth are literally hard as steel? You: Playing to my interests, I see. Yang: I have my moments of brilliance. You: Indeed you do. Now, good night, Yang. Get some sleep. Yang: Good night Winter. Sweet dreams. You: And to you the same.

-Today, 0947- Yang: I hate you. You: Care to elaborate? Yang: Somehow, it worked, and I just woke up from the sleep of the dead. My body feels like mush sloshing around a hollow lead cylinder. You: What you’re feeling is the side effects of your body getting both too little and too much rest at the same time. If you establish a better sleep schedule, you’ll avoid this feeling in the future. Yang: Thank you, Doctor Winter. Do I get a lollipop? You: Continue being this cheeky; I assure you it’s doing nothing but improving my perception of you. Yang: Harsh. You: That was teasing. Yang: Oh. You really should add, like, an lol or something when you're joking. I'm not awake enough to find context clues. You: Aside from the lethargy, how are you feeling? Yang: Hungry. I finally dragged myself out of bed to cook breakfast and it turns out my sister already made me some. I’ve taught her well. You: Older or younger? Yang: I’m older by two years. Sometimes, it feels longer than that, though; I practically raised her. You: Interesting. I’m glad she made some food for you. Yang: Yeah. Now that I think about it, probably worried her pretty bad the last few weeks. You: Is that how long you’ve been having trouble sleeping?” Yang: About that. Yang: These pancakes taste fucking delicious btw. Yang: Did you know that, for most people, their right lung takes in more air than their left? You: We need to have a talk about priorities because I highly doubt you’ve inhaled your food that quickly. Yang: Sorry, my sis had to leave, so it’s a quiet breakfast over here. You: I don’t see that as something that needs to be corrected. You: However, I find myself wondering if you know the reason behind the lung trivia. Yang: I do! It’s because, for most people, your heart is just to the left of the center of your chest. So, since the heart takes up space, there’s only two sacs in your left lung, as opposed to three in your right. Yang: *sacks? Idek You: Idek? Yang: I Don’t Even Know- not sure what the difference between “sacs” and “sacks” is. You: This is why acronyms and abbreviations are more trouble than they’re worth. Yang: Okay, so basically, a sac is biological and a sack is manufactured. Like, sacs are things naturally occurring that fill with air or liquid, either in the body or outside it. Sacks are made for carrying things like groceries. Yang: Meanwhile, “sack” as a verb means either getting hit or getting laid off. Or maybe both, I guess, depending on your job. You: You went and looked it up? Yang: What, you think I was born with all these random things preprogrammed? Yang: I have a really good retention rate and I'm curious a lot. Yang: Google is my friend. You: Obviously. I suppose the appropriate follow-up question would be: you kept highlighting “most people”. Why? Yang: Well, there are a lot of medical reasons that makes it not applicable to everyone. Dextrocardia, for instance, in its mildest form causes the heart to face the opposite way, so the lungs usually fill differently because of that. More severe cases mean that more visceral organs are mirrored, too. You: Okay, so, language, sharks, the electric chair, and now medical trivia. The breadth of your subjects of interest is impressive. Yang: Thanks! Yang: Did you know that the cracking sound made by a whip is caused by the tip breaking the sound barrier? Yang: I’m pretty sure this counts as physics. You: I’ll add physics to the list. You: Now finish your breakfast and do something small. Take a nap in a few hours or whenever you feel tired. Yang: Do you have any siblings? Yang: You don't have to answer right away! Yang: Or at all. Yang: Guess you're busy? Eating breakfast maybe?

-Today, 1036- You: Actually, I was in formation. It's usually at 0930 but there were... complications this morning, so they pushed it back half an hour. Yang: Huh. For some reason, I always thought the military would be, like, SUPER punctual. You: And I have a younger sister and a younger brother, in that order. You: I'm going to tell you a secret: the military is always late. We just never admit it. Yang: So, you're like a bunch of cats? You: Given what constitutes my workday, yes, I would say that's accurate. "Herding cats" is the most accurate description of my job title. Yang: lmao, that's wild. Your siblings here in Vale too? Or back home in Atlas? You: My sister is here; she moved here to study at Beacon and then decided to stay. I suspect her girlfriend might factor into that decision but she's remaining tight lipped about it. My brother is at home, in Atlas. You: Now explain “lmao”. Yang: Laughing My As Off Yang: You really don’t know any chat abbreviations? You: Has it occurred to you that abbreviations is a very long word to describe the shortening of words and is, in itself, evidence that it’s all very silly? Yang: I know this is going to sound very grade school but you’re kinda cute when you’re annoyed. You: You’re right; that does sound very grade school. You: And you only say that because you can’t see me. Yang: Oh, so you don’t go all broody, kinda constipated, pursed lips when you’re annoyed by something? You: I understand those words individually but, combined, I’m lost. What would that even look like? Yang: Here. Yang: [photo][open][save] You: First, I want to assure you that you’re a very beautiful individual. You: Next, you look absolutely ridiculous. Yang: Hey, that’s how I think you look when you’re annoyed! You: I do not. Yang: Okay, I’ll take your word for it! You: [photo][open][save] Yang: Oh Yang: Wow You: That is what I look like when annoyed. You: And, not to wound your ego, but that annoyance isn’t inspired by you. A subordinate just asked me for fucking grid squares. You: At this point, one would think that joke’s too tired to work, but one would be wrong. Yang: Did you know that the winter of 392 was so cold, all of Beacon Falls froze over? You: Back to trivia? Yang: It’s my default response when higher brain function shuts down. You: I’ll admit, this is the first time in a long while I’ve felt flattery to be entirely sincere. Yang: This isn’t flattery; this is cold, hard facts. You: I see. Yang: Hey, I, uh, just realized the time, I gotta get to work. Yang: See if I still have a job, at any rate. You: I understand. Good luck. Yang: Thanks! Hope your work day gets better!

-Today, 1236- You: I assume the radio silence to be a good sign.

-Today, 1428- Yang: Yeah! Turns out, the shop kept a spot for me. My boss is being really understanding. Yang: Kinda... babying me, too, but... I’m getting used to it. Yang: At least he fired the idiot that started this whole mess. You: Am I permitted to inquire as to what happened? Yang: I don’t wanna go into details. You: That’s understandable. You: I’m glad they kept a spot for you. Are you going to return to work full time or ease into it? Yang: Give me a minute. You: Very well.

-Today, 1513- Yang: A few months ago, there was an accident at the shop. We do body work too and this guy tried using a machine he had no business using. Freaked out, caused a scene, I tried going over to help, ended up with my right arm caught in the damn thing. Mangled it pretty bad. So bad the docs had to take it. I got fitted for a prosthetic and I’m just trying to find normal again. Yang: I know I said I didn’t wanna go into the details but I’m actually shit at lying. Yang: Except in, like, weirdly specific circumstances. You: Thank you. Yang: Ok. Gotta admit. Not the response I expected. You: It must be very difficult to discuss and think about the accident. You didn’t have to go into it, yet you did, and I thank you for trusting me with that. You: That being said, is this a contributing factor to your insomnia? Yang: It’s not insomnia. I’m just not sleeping well. Yang: But yeah, idk, maybe it’s related. I liked sleeping on my right side and I can’t anymore. Anchor digs into my ribs. You: Establishing a new routine can be tricky at first. Everything is just a painful reminder of the incident. Yang: Sounds like you have experience with this. You: A bit. A superior of mine whom I respect greatly lost most of his body a few years back. He speaks very frankly about the challenges he faced when returning to the line. Yang: Wait, you mean General Ironwood? You: You know him? Yang: Who in Remnant doesn’t? He’s basically a celebrity. I mean, not just for the prosthetic body thing; he’s also the youngest commanding General of the Atlesian military. Yang: Which... tbh, is kinda weird. Isn’t he pushing fifty? You: Age takes on a whole new concept in the military. Yang: I’d say. Yang: They talked about him when I started my physical therapy. Supposed to inspire me, I guess. You: For what it’s worth, he actually dislikes when people do that. He says that each individual case is a war all unto itself. Comparisons are detrimental to the individual’s recovery. Yang: I like him better already. I’ve been over here trying to just “suck it up” I mean, not like I lost anything more than an arm, what do I have to complain about? You: Hold that thought. Yang: Okay?

-Today, 1558- You: Miss Yang? This is General Ironwood. Yang: Look, I’m all for practical jokes, but this isn’t a good one. You: [photo][open][save] Yang: This is not a joke. You: No, it is not. You: Miss Yang, I’d like to extend my deepest, sincerest sympathies to you for your loss. Having your life upended in such a way can be extremely disorienting. However, the measure of your strength does not come from what you can or can’t do in comparison to before. It comes from your desire to continue fighting, to find a new balance to your life. Asymmetry is a measure of beauty, strength, and courage in its own right. Yang: Thank you, sir. Yang: *Sir. You: I’d like to extend an invitation to a support group I host. It’s mostly military members from all over Remnant but, if you don’t mind a bit of morbidly crass humor- a habit I’m attempting to break the lot of them from, with limited results- we’d be honored with your presence. Yang: No offense, but I doubt a bunch of soldiers would be “honored” by a mechanic. You: The first thing I teach is to see similarities instead of differences. You saw something dangerous and, rather than run away, you ran towards it. All of us share that experience. You: Except Carl. Yang: What happened to him? You: I apologize; it’s a military specific meme. Winter mentioned you’re rather fond of memes. Yang: Oh, so you know what a meme is, but she doesn’t? You: Don’t tell her I said so- she’s a very good soldier- but she’s always had a stick up her ass. She could use more memes in her life. Yang: Should I take that as an order? You: Absolutely. Yang: Can do. And, uh, sure. About the support group. You: Excellent! I’ll give Winter the details so she can pass them onto you. It was wonderful taking to you, Miss Yang. Yang: Yeah, you too, Sir. You: It’s Winter again. I hope that helped. Yang: Did you literally walk into the office of the commanding General of Atlas’ military, just to hand him your scroll and say ‘talk to this bitch’? You: I didn’t use those words; I told him I had a friend who recently attended physical therapy post amputation and I thought some words of encouragement from him would be a good idea. You: Wait, did he literally say I have a stick up my ass? Yang: WOOOW, meme savvy he might be, but apparently he doesn’t know how to delete a text message. You: I can’t believe he’d say that. You: I most certainly do not have a stick lodged in my posterior, figurative or otherwise. Yang: I’d offer to check but that’s a bit too fast too soon, so I’ll just say you seem alright to me. You: Thank you, Yang. Yang: Cranky when I wake you up at the asscrack of dawn, though. That might be when ass and stick are firm friends. You: Do not make me take it back. Yang: I’m just kidding! Yang: Seriously, though, thanks. You didn’t have to do that. You: You’re welcome.

-Today, 0233- Yang: Did you know it takes the average person seven minutes to fall asleep? You: I sincerely thought you’d be asleep by now. Yang: I did. Woke up. Yang: Sorry. You: Do you know what a contact truck is? Yang: Uh, no, no idea. You: It’s the military vehicle utilized by mechanics, outfitted with tools, so they can drive out and repair other vehicles. Do you know why it’s called that? Yang: Hit me with it. You: That was an actual question. Yang: Huh? You: I’ve been asking for as long as I’ve been in. Not even General Ironwood knows why it’s called that. It just is. Yang: omg that’s hilarious You: It’s that, too. Also incredibly vexing. You: I just want to know why it’s called that. Yang: Heh. If I find out, I’ll let you know. You: Go back to sleep, Yang. Yang: I’ll try. Night. You: And sweet dream. Yang: lol, same to you.

#TRR writes #Elderburn #Texting AU

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bethesdaglitch · 6 years ago

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1-70 do em all! 😁💙

I’m seriously so sorry this took so long, but it was so much fun!! thank you!!! Also it’s super long so I’m gonna put it under a readmore!

1. First game you played obsessively?

Jak & Daxter! 2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.Lmao I’m not exactly a creative person, but when I was little I tried coming up with and drawing my own pokemon. They were… bad3. Who did you play with as a kid?My brother! At first I stole his Gameboy Color whenever he wasn’t using it, but then he saved up and bought a PS2 so we could play games together4. Who do you play with now?No one really lol. I kinda prefer to play single-player games now? But I’ll play with various friends when we hang out.5. Ever use cheat codes?When I was little, yeah! Especially in the Sly Raccoon games 6. Ever buy strategy guides?Before the age of unlimited free online strategy guides I did, now I just use said online ones7. Any games you have multiple copies of?Yep, I’ve “lost” games only to find them again after replacing them like… four times? It happened with Oblivion, Fable 3, DA: Origins, and, weirdly enough, that one obscure (but fun imo!) wii game, Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection?This one was hard! After a teeny bit of research, I narrowed it down to either Rule of Rose, LoZ Collector’s Edition on Gamecube, and pokemon red and yellow9. Most regrettable purchase?Hhhhhhhh I bought the video game for the 2006 Dreamworks movie Over the Hedge. I was only 12, but I still should’ve known better :(10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours?I’ve gone to a few midnight releases, but none that have lasted for hours, luckily. I only started going to them in the last few years, so the only ones I’ve been to so far are Fallout 4, DA:I and uh… ME:A (I KNOW)11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games?Nah not really, I don’t play online games, so. I have friends who play video games, but I’ve never met someone BECAUSE of video games12. Ever get picked on for liking games?Lol no?13. A game you’ve never played that everyone else has?Overwatch14. Favorite game music?NIER, hands down. 15. If it was a requirement to get a game related tattoo, what would you pick?Probably something cute and harmless like the leaf from Animal Crossing lol16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?Lately we’ve been really into Towerfall: Ascension and Screencheat17. Ever lose a friend over a game?Wh—no????18. Would you date someone that hates gaming?So long as they didn’t try to “forbid” me from playing and so long as we had other interests to bond over, then sure. It’d be kind of a bummer though lol19. Favorite handheld console?Idk that I have one! Maybe the Switch, since that’s the most recent and popular?20. Game that you know like the back of your hand?Silent Hill 3 and DA:I21. Game that you didn’t like or understand as a kid but love now?The Civilization games22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories?Sometimes, yeah. Nothing too embarrassing, though. 23. The game that you’ve logged the most hours into?What, like… ever?? Geez, I dunno… probably Oblivion?24. First Pokemon game?Yellow!25. Were you ever an arcade game player?I actually wasn’t really :/26. Ever form any gaming rivalries?Oh yeah, with my brother. He’s 6 years older than me, which pretty much guaranteed I got my ass kicked in every game we played when I was younger27. Game that makes you rage?Bloodborne and Dark Souls!!!!!! I swear I try to go back and play them at least once a year, and I can never get past the first hour :(28. Ever play in a tournament?Not like an official one, but ones with friends, yep29. What is your gaming set up?Imma be real with you chief I don’t know nearly enough about computers to answer this question with anything other than “a computer”30. How many consoles do you own?Ohohoho far too many31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches?I’ve never had the 3D slider up long enough to tell, but that probably means yes lol32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic?BOY when I was in first grade I played Spongebob: Supersponge on Gameboy advance so much I STILL remember the password that lets you skip to the final stage (it’s WMBT) 33. Did you ever have any bootleg games or plug-n-play games?nah 34. Do either of your parents play video games?PFFF GOD NO. Although my mom does love Animal Crossing. Not playing it, but just like it’s whole deal. 35. Ever work in a game store? Or do you have a favorite game shop?No and no, tbh36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?I… don’t think so? Maybe I’ve cried over a game, but blood?? Put the controller down, y’all37. Have you played E.T. for the Atari 2600? Do you think that’s the worst game ever, or do you have another nomination?NO NO NO OVER THE HEDGE (2006) FOR THE PS2 IS THE SINGLE WORST GAME EVER MADE FIGHT ME ON THIS38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like?Oh lord… idk if anyone’s ever played any of Ambition’s dating sims (Dream Girlfriend, Dream Boyfriend, Animal Boyfriend, and Moe Can Change) but I’ve literally been playing them for about… 5-ish years now? They’re seriously the worst, I fucking love them 39. A sequel that you would die for them to make?Hmm… Maybe a new Kingdoms of Amalur game would be cool? 40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls?I love VR but the last time I tried it at a friend’s place I fucking faceplanted after leaning on a counter I forgot was also virtual and the first thing my friend asked was whether the headset was ok, so that stung. As for motion controls, they’re fun but they can be a real pain41. A genre that you just can’t get into?Sports games 42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness?The path to what43. Ever play games when you really should have been concentrating on something else?Oh yeah, who hasn’t?44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters?Idk if this counts but I am a MASTER at the claw machine and that stacker game. My closet is full of useless shit I’ve won from those things45. How are you at Mario Kart?OH SO FUCKING GOOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?yesssss I love them47. Do you like competitive games?I mean like I said, I mostly prefer single-player games, but I do enjoy the occasional co-op game48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?about an hour49. In games where you can pick your class, do you always tend to go for the same type of character?I actually don’t! If it’s a game I’m not confident I’ll be good at, I pick whichever class is recommended for beginners, and that changes from game to game. Alternatively, I just go through phases where I prefer a specific class above others 50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?Christ I have no idea. Maybe a first-person escape game? idk51. Have you ever played a game for so long that you forgot to eat or sleep?NO?? DAMN ARE Y’ALL OK????52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid?Literally any M game; my parents were strictly “No M games until you’re old enough!” I just got my brother to buy them most of the time though lol53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days?Most DLC is fine, it’s microtransactions in “pay-to-win” games that I fucking hate. 54. Do you give in to Steam sales?HAHAHAHAHA yeah absolutely 55. Did you ever make someone you hated in the Sims and did mean stuff to them?N-No??? 56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests?Ok yeah I did do that 57. Did you ever play a game to 100% or get all of the achievements?Ew no58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick?Ooooh… ok, Oblivion, My Time in Portia, and Divinity 259. Do you play any cell phone games?I do! I play a lot of escape games, and uh… the Ambition games mentioned previously60. Do you know the Konami Code?Is that the up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A? Huh, I never knew it had a name!61. Do you trade in your games or keep them forever?I used to trade them in occasionally, but mostly I keep them 62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game?Yeah the Switch for BotW. Not proud of it, but it was worth it63. Ever go to a gaming convention or tournament? nah64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming?Yep! 65. Ever have a Game Genie, Game Shark or Action Replay? Did it ever mess up your game’s save file?OHHHH MY GOD YEAH, I’M STILL FUCKING PISSED ABOUT IT. I had GameShark for Gameboy and PS2, but that one was fine, it didn’t cause any problems. It was ACTION FUCKING REPLAY that fucked me over. I used it for KH2 and it worked the whole time until literally THE VERY LAST XEMNAS FIGHT, when my HP bar suddenly dropped to 1??? Not my HP, mind you, the HP BAR. Meaning 1 HP was the most I could have. Literally fuck action replay >:( 66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it?nope67. Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share?I do! The very first thing I ever saved up money for to buy myself was Pokemon Crystal version. Until then I’d just been borrowing (re:stealing) my brother’s, but when I was 5 and Crystal was about to come out, my parents made me a deal that if I saved up $15, they’d pay the other $15 and I could get it! It was the first time I was working towards a fun goal, so it was all pretty exciting for 5-year-old me lol. It’s dumb, I know, but it’s something I look back on fondly68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool?Lol nah, I think the best thing I ever got with tickets was a cheap snowglobe 69. In your opinion, best game ever made? UHHHH GOD. That’s… super tough. I’m genuinely not sure I have an answer tbh. I’m really into Divinity 2 right now but best game ever made?? Idk! that’s a hard one!!!! 70. Very first game you ever beat? I won’t lie, it was Spongebob: Supersponge on GBA

#ask meme #sorthyboy

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monolid-monologues · 6 years ago

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One year's trash is another year's treasure? My Top 3 new years resolutions..thanks 2018.

Follow the leads. (No Excuses.) I am always digging through the internet for all sorts of leads, for my art and for business. THERE'S A LOT OF INFORMATION ON THE INTERNET. What i don't do enough of: following up on it. Yes, thing get crazy and i forget, or i talk myself out of it, or, or or or or--NO. Get those MEETINGS, ROSE. The more leads i dive into, the more i'll know what i'm looking for and what i'm not. And, literally naturally, i start to stumble upon better leads. Facts: the more i research and explore, the more my sources are bound to evolve and develop. In 2019 we're going out there and whacking some weeds! Turning every stone!!!! Because maybe we'll find something.

Screen/Life Balance (#noob) I feel like i enjoyed the real privilege of plugging tf out of social media during the better 2/3 of my college years. I kept busy with work in theatre. My collaborators were in the same town, department, room, as me. The people i wanted to work with, i could find in hallways. I used department ListSERVs and bulletin boards. I didn't really need social media. Seriously what a privilege .-. I was living in a PROPER bubble.... I’m not in college anymore. These days i am living carefully... My little bit of free time is spent with a few close friends, or hanging out with my brother. I’ve been taking my time reconnecting with old friends. All the while, i’m trying to figure out how to create theater. In an effort to channel my excess energy and optimistically connect with strangers, i'm writing, i'm filming, i'm researching, i'm planning. I'm gravitating towards sharing, vulnerability. i’m working on my first show in Southern California. On these new endeavors, i'm looking at social media in a very new light. Historically, i treated my blog and instagram like personal accessories..additional aesthetic trinkets that decorate my identity. I am starting to learn what little tweens today understand intuitively AF: "my people are out there. if only i could reach them. if only my people could reach me." I'm seeing the utility of social media which used to be overshadowed by the fucking aesthetic of it all. Now i feel like i get it, like i really do need to use it to reach the people i'm looking for. -- That sounds so DUH, LMAO. I'm so embarrassed. But now that i'm slowly plugging into the internet... i'm confronted with the War that is Moderation. How do i use social media to expand and enhance my horizons, without it depleting my time and focus? What metrics am i relying on? Analytics are unavoidable, right? What can i do to relieve myself of the data-induced pressures of ENGAGEMENT, and REACH, and IMPRESSIONS?

Honor your shit. (Even when you don’t know who you are or what you’re doing.) I finished school Spring 2018. I lived in the woods, made art, living communally with a gorgeous group of artists, Summer 2018. Fall of 2018, I ran my last season with The Ground and Field Theatre Festival. Late October 2018: I moved back to southern california. Got a full-time job at a small company. Began meeting with my best friend to start our own company. And I needed to create theatre. Somehow, from October to now, i ended up regularly keeping F I V E notebooks, to organize all the disparate limbs of my life. I literally carry around a book bag full of notebooks. that i really do need. (The irony of five notebooks to keep organized, is, actually, how chaotic it is. lmao.) 2018 was the year i made or was part of some of the most amazing work--i've never been more proud of myself as an artist. UM, ALSO, though, 2018 was a total emotional shit storm. I was neglecting my heart like nobody’s biznez. I kept hiding, stockpiling, and then RUNNING from and then c r a s h i n g into my feelings, over and over again, and until VERMONT, I completely avoided taking my own temperature. Why? My feelings were giving me a hard. ass. time. These were feelings i talked myself away from. Feelings i couldn't acknowledge. Feelings i tried to repress. Feelings i didn’t want to express. One of these five notebooks (wow. VERY “HIGH SCHOOL 5 SUBJECT BINDER” VIBES,....BUT WHATEVER.) I keep is my personal journal. For my feelings. Which are now just as important to me. My messy feelings, crazy theatre plans, heavily structured business life.........i’m heeding it all. It’s one part compartmentalized, one part absolute chaos.. Nevertheless!!!!!: No more using work to escape my personal issues, no more isolating, no more neglecting. This weirdly makes me even more of a mess? So what is honoring my shit? Honoring my shit means it’s okay to feel like a hot mess most of the time. most of the week. LOL. My feelings don't have to be perfect, and my workflow doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to fit me. It only has to be really truly Me. and this point forward, we are not leaving any part of us behind.

CHEERS, TO PERSONAL SUCCESS. * * *

i started writing myself letters like this. Maybe you relate, maybe you want to see how things go, i’ll CC you gurl: https://tinyletter.com/rose-artrat

previous letter: The office girl’s bogeyman

for random thoughts, random questions //

http://monolid-monologues.tumblr.com/ask

#tinyletter #artist on tumblr #office girl #theatre #LA theatre #theatre journal #journal #new years resolution #hello 2019

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starfast · 6 years ago

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NaNoWriMo Recap so far

I was going to make this post at the 1 week mark, but kept procrastinating so now it’s a recap of the first almost 2 weeks but not quite mark.

Word count as of this post: 20,932 (Would you believe that I have only written 4 entire chapters?)

General thoughts that I’ve had while writing so far:

I really love that Crispin’s reaction to literally being stabbed was basically along the lines of “Hey what the fuck???”

Literally chapter 1 is just like an extended version of the “I can’t believe you’ve done this” vine.

The chapter ends with Crispin flying into a window, as if things couldn’t get any worse for him.

Kit is somehow got more interesting to write once I gave his father a backstory?

I don’t know how that works, but in this draft Kit has a personality and King Matthew has a backstory. The original draft had neither.

Speaking of which, I think I mentioned it in another post but Matthew is such an interesting character to me. I’ve been thinking about writing a prequel about him but I don’t really have an actual story planned out (yet).

I’m constantly torn between “I need to keep Matthew’s backstory a secret because spoilers” and “Fuck it, I’m gonna tell everyone”

Matthew only appears in like 2 chapters (3 if you include the prologue) and I’m sorry for talking about him so much lmao

I’m still not over the whole KitKat thing tbh. I can’t bring myself to change either of their names so I guess they’re just stuck with being KitKat.

There’s 3 main characters in this story and their first spoken lines of dialogue are “Fucking hell, Dad,” “Of course I’m up to it” and “Mm-hmm.” Which weirdly says a lot about who they are.

I did so much research about chimney sweeps for the 3rd chapter that I could probably convince someone that I used to be one in a past life or something.

I wouldn’t actually do that, but what else am I supposed to do with all this information about chimney sweeps? You know, other than write a novel.

I definitely didn’t know that chimneys don’t always go straight up. Apparently some of them would merge with other chimneys and weird stuff like that.

I definitely listened to “Chim Chim Cher-ee” from the Mary Poppins soundtrack a lot while writing chapter 3 because I guess it’s kind of relevant.

But also it isn’t because that song is all about how being a chimney sweep is great, but Caleb really hates his job.

One of my characters is named after a horse, and you’ll probably never guess which one.

Most of you probably won’t read this post in it’s entirety so if you’ve read this far down, I’ll just let you know that it’s Eva.

I low key feel bad about how I treat Caleb. I feel like I treat him worse than most of the other characters. It’s necessary to the story, and things get better for him, but they also get worse.

At one point I accidentally misspelled “Ambrose” as “Amborse” and it was like 2am and I swear that was like the funniest thing I’ve ever written.

#nanowrimo update

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midgelenny · 4 years ago

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let's go with 6, 14, 17, and 23?

Thank you for the ask Cate! <3 <3

6. Say three nice things about yourself

Physical: my hair has become less frizzy over the past few years, so I now really love its volume and waviness more than when i was younger, i’ve gotten skinnier during quarantine and have been trying to do cardio more so I’m feeling better in my clothes now, and i was once told that i have very long eyelashes, which i am weirdly proud of also lol

Non-physical: i am curious about and interested by almost anything i set my mind to, i was never really someone who only enjoyed studying one thing in high school, and that has remained true. i am hard-working and determined, even when i am struggling with a task/research at hand. i think i still play piano well, even though i don’t have as many opportunities to play/practice anymore.

14. favorite feel-good show

psych. every episode is a superficial delight. requires just enough brain-cells that it remains intriguing to solve the mystery, but not so many that i must mentally prepare to watch. it’s just simple fun. i tend to turn to movies for feel-goods, though, because i’m guaranteed a happy ending there at least lmao. Current feel-good movies are Ever After, How to Train your Dragon, and Emma (2020). P&P 1995 if i really have the time lol.

17. fairy lights or LED lights

DEFINITELY fairy lights. i tend to favor softer/pastel aesthetics, LED is just too jarring for me.

23. favorite piece of clothing

OK it’s a tie between two pieces of clothing that i stupidly left in California bc i didn’t realize how long i would be home for the quarantine and i really miss them lol - pastel pink high-waisted shorts that are kind of flowy-ish like a skirt, and a black romper that shows some back and is just simple enough to be versatile so i can wear it semi-casually but also put on a pair of heels and feel super cute and formal.

send me soft asks!

#asks #ask game #celiabowne #becca rambles

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taenys · 5 years ago

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have you considered talking to tom and letting him know how you feel regarding him still keeping contact with his ex?

I assume you follow me on twitter and saw my dumb emo tweets last week :/// but yeah, I have actually in the past. Well, kind of. He brought it up before in like August or something last year after he noticed (I’m sure more than once) that I got weirdly quiet and awkward when he’d say something like “I was talking to insert ex’s name here about blah blah blah” and I’d sort of just “uh huh” and shift uncomfortably. She’s his friend though, so for him he’s just sharing an anecdote of a conversation he had with a friend, not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. He’s a smart dude though, and I’m terrible at hiding my emotions anyway so it was fairly obvious I wasn’t totally cool with those little anecdotes so after a couple times of that, he finally brought it up. He asked if it bothered me that he was still friends with her. I went into a sort of panic mode and shut down and gave him a weirdly cold answer because I didn’t know how to articulate the 5000000 words that were running through my mind. I needed time to process how I wanted to answer that because it was much more layered than what he was probably thinking.

Anyways, I went on here as soon as I got home, my safe space to vent in really long essay format about my feelings LMAO, and wrote this massive thing explaining how I felt and why I felt the way that I did (which if you don’t have time to read THAT essay on top of THIS 2k one, then the tl;dr version is essentially: I strongly dislike her because I feel like she was very toxic and just generally a pretty shitty girlfriend and he sacrificed so much and gave so much to her and that relationship and got very little care and love in return . And that damaged him and soured his entire outlook on love and dating, namely his ability, or maybe his desire, to love someone as profoundly and selflessly as he had in that relationship).

So after writing that whole thing I thought, “okay I need to communicate this to Tom now, but how? Wait another week until I see him in person? Let him think I’m just a petty brat who doesn’t want him talking to his ex because I’m “jealous” or some dumb shit like that for that whole week????” Absolutely not. So I sent him the link to that huge essay (yeah, I sent him a link to my blog here, so I’ve been exposed!!!!!) And he read it and thanked me for being open and honest. And that was the end of that. It was never brought up again. From then on, I had assumed that meant he would no longer say things like “I was talking to ---- the other day…” or would at least be more considerate about it knowing it made me feel…sad and uncomfortable. But then last Friday a few hours before he was going to pick me up to stay at his place, he brought her up and it felt like a punch to the gut.

So Animal Crossing has been my thing since it came out recently, I’ve been addicted like a billion other people are, and he’s been watching me play it since the beginning, keeping up with my progress and whatnot. I show him the goings on of my island, he sees me freak out over cute character interactions with my villagers, etc. I literally talk about it all the time with him and send him giddy texts and pictures updating him on my adventures and stuff because he’s my best friend and I want to share that stuff. I even named my island “Higgins” after his cat. He also knows that I love the villager Pietro to death (because I whine and mope about it all the time to him) and am DYING to have him on my island. So much so that I was considering spending up to 60 dollars on an official amiibo card to get him on my island, like a complete nutter.

However, there are other ways to acquire a specific villager in that game, one of which requires making a “fake” amiibo card with a special chip and an android device with some specific apps. It’s cheap, and seemingly easy, but I hadn’t actually done any research on how to do it yet. I don’t actually feel like I have time to worry about that and it’s not high on my priority list right now. But anyways, the reason I’m sharing all of this is because Tom texted me that Friday saying that his ex was going to make her own fake amiibos and offered to make me one for Pietro. That’s really nice, isn’t it?! Yeah, it is. Except it made me feel really fucking shitty and depressed. Why?! Why though. Why do I have to CARE about shit that doesn’t matter anymore?

Well, for one just seeing her name typed out tends to activate instant sadness and discomfort for me (I won’t use the word “trigger” but you get what I mean). But then it morphed into “Wait, why is he talking about me with her? Why would she offer that? Did she just casually mention she was making those and he then asked if she would make one for me? Or perhaps during whatever conversations they’ve had about the game, seeing as he doesn’t play it himself, he only had my experiences to share with her and that’s how she knew about what character I wanted. What else does she know about me, my interests, our relationship, etc? Has he ever...complained about me to her? Does she know that I don’t like her? And if I say “no thanks” to her offer (which is what I ultimately did say) will she think I’m being weird and immature? Will Thomas think so too? Does he already?

These were all questions that began flooding my mind, making me feel worse and worse. Chronic overthinker, I know. I cried, out of frustration with myself for reacting this way. I was being irrational and ridiculous. And I knew this, which is why I chose to let it go. I let myself be sad about it for as long as I needed to be (which was luckily really only like a day and a half). But I let it go. Because it’s not actually a big deal. I was overreacting and overthinking and I knew this so I didn’t bring it up and I hoped to FUCK he wouldn’t either. I let myself be sad about though, because suppressing shit doesn’t help, but I just got through it. I worked through it internally. I felt like I owed it to him to try. And I felt better soon after. And even more so now being able to write about it in detail like this. Very cathartic and good for me to express it openly without judgement in writing. So thank you for allowing me that freedom.

It would honestly make me uncomfortable to know that Thomas is divulging personal snippets of my life, personality, interests, quirks, and our relationship with her just as small talk or whatever. I don’t want her to know me (or more than basic surface level stuff about me. maybe that makes me shitty). The same way I don’t want to know her. I already feel like I know TOO much about her (which is completely my own fault of course lmao). But I know and respect that Thomas has every right to share whatever information about his life he wants with her (and all his other friends, for that matter), and I’m a (significant) part of his life so naturally I’m sure to come up. He was just thinking of me in that moment when he sent me her offer, I’m sure. Thinking how happy it’d make me to have that character FINALLY, but not realizing my complete disdain for who I was receiving it from would ruin it for me completely LMAO. Yeah, I want Pietro but not THAT bad. Maybe that does make me petty and immature. Whatever.

I will never ask Thomas not to be her friend to talk to her. Never. One, because I don’t ever want to be that controlling and manipulative. And two, because I understand what she is to him. She’s basically...his ex-wife lmao. That’s the simplest way I can put it. They’ve been friends for a long time and lived together for five years. He moved to Oregon for HER. Marriage was in discussion near the end. I mean, they probably could have gotten married if certain circumstances had been different (though I doubt either of them would’ve been happy in that marriage). They adopted a cat together. So she’s basically his ex-wife with whom he shares a “child” with (the cat), and he will therefore always have an important connection with her. She’s likely always going to be his friend and part of his life. I accept that and respect that completely.

But for me, I will always see her as someone who was toxic and damaging to Thomas when they were together, and they were together for a long time. I understand that now they’re just friends so there’s no more toxicity in their relationship, and enough time has passed that he’s likely forgiven her and perhaps she’s even apologized to him for the way she was, but the effects from their relationship will always be there internally for Tom. I’m in a relationship with a Thomas who no longer lets himself get intensely attached to his romantic partners. I believe there is a wall no one will ever penetrate that keeps him safe from ever getting truly heartbroken or hurt again. He will likely never love me with the fervor and selflessness that I love him with because he cannot or does not want to give himself to a person like that anymore (this is all assumption of course, I don’t know the inner workings of his heart as well as he does and maybe I’m wrong). And that’s all because of that relationship.

He will love and care for me as much as he can, will be firmly loyal and devoted and good and honest and kind. And that’s all I could ever ask for and want. I must emphasize this! I am not saying that Tom isn’t “good enough” or isn’t “giving me enough.” He loves me in his way (I can’t ask him to love me in MY way, that’s not how love works), and that’s all I’ll ever need. I love him unconditionally. But his whole concept of “love” and relationships has never been, and likely never will be, the same again for him. She really was his “one true love.” He’s “I’m not looking for anyone to ‘complete’ me” Thomas now, not “hopeless romantic, giving up everything and moving across the country for someone” Thomas anymore. I’m not saying I want Thomas to do something grand and dramatic to prove his love for me, or that I think he’s broken and needs to be fixed. I love him just as he is and would not change him in any way. He is perfect to me just as he is.

My point is that he loved all he could love with her, for five plus years, and she drained him until there was hardly anything left. And as a result he (likely) decided he should never love someone that much ever again. And that crushes me completely. And I blame her for that. I’ll always blame her and always resent her for that. THAT’S the reason why it bothers me when he mentions her. She had selfless, devoted, hopeless romantic, emotional, vulnerable Thomas and she...didn’t care. She just wasted all of his love. How anyone could do that, I’ll never know. She never loved him as much as he loved her. He deserved better, and I’ll always be hurt by that.

And so for all for all of that I…don’t like her. And I don’t want to try to like her. I don’t know if I ever CAN like her. And I hope he never demands that I do get to know her or become her friend or something because she’s really THAT important to him or whatever. God, I really hope that’s not a deal breaker for him or something but I feel like he would’ve mentioned that back then when it was brought up the first time. Maybe someday I’ll care less, I’ll get over it, I’ll forgive her too, but for now it’s still something that I can’t look past. I can live with it, I can accept it, but I don’t enjoy being reminded of it.

I hate her for hurting the person I love. That’s all it is.

also I AM EXTREMELY SORRY FOR WRITING 2K+ WORDS ON A QUESTION THAT REALLY ONLY NEEDED A YES OR NO ANSWER SDJKLFDJKLDFJLKDFJKL; I just REALLY had to get this out of my system, and also need it for future reference in case it DOES come up again in the near future I want a sort of guide on how to express myself because I’ll likely be too emotional to articulate it verbally properly so it would be nice to have like an outline of things to touch on...if that makes sense.

#reply #lofihoneymoon #SORRY FOR WRITING A NIGHTMARISHLY LONG AMOUNT OF WORDS HOLY FUCK #i just needed to vent and your question prompted a lot of emotions...#:((((((#personal

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