#but we shouldnt have to go through this type of shit

[oldsuperstition]

can women just exist? i went to meet this guy to do NETWORKING, for him to help me get a job and he started to ask weird questions, and he is in his 80s

[netherdevil]

unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head

[nyxi-pixie]

okayyyy ive been meaning to talk about this moment forever because i think the way i see it differs from a lot of general fandom opinion.

for context, this is from the dhc section of the dead apple manga. skk are talking about an executive who just died and dazai makes a joke about it, prompting chuuya to deck him in the face and say nobody could believe dazais human. (believe, very importantly. not that he Isnt, just that its unbelievable).

humanity is a key theme to all of bsd, but its Very explicitly central to the skk dynamic. chuuya is an intensely human character in the way that he acts and thinks, and yet! between his ability and ofc the history in the lab, it still gets called into question.

(its pretty solid that our chuuyas the real one, but thats not the point here. sb being an exploration of what it means to be human and whether Actually Being One is all that important to what you are and do, through a Distinctly human character- Thats the point. How you are being more important than what you are.)

then we have dazai on the other hand, where what he is doesnt come into question at all. Even his ability, despite its name, isnt dehumanising to an outside eye, compared to chuuyas corruption or atsushis tiger for example that can take away from their control of themselves. its the how he is, in contrast to chuuya, that comes into question with dazai. he very consistently holds himself outside of humanity both implicitly (through self isolation - shipping container being an extreme example) and explicitly (dead apple dazai talking about humanity as an Outside Observer. he is Not including himself as one of them).

When we are encouraged to doubt his humanity, its dazai Telling us to. he deliberately poses himself as inhuman because he FEELS it. and the dhc moment to me has always felt like chuuya seeing through it and calling his bullshit. Dazais making light of a death to be a dick, to push chuuyas buttons, but also because hes got this constant need to present the worst possible version of himself.

actually if you look at the panels of him when hes talking about the guy being dead, just before he gets dramatic ridiculous exaggerated dazai about it, he doesnt seem to think of it so lightly

(smthn smthn dazai imposter syndrome. the need to deny any of his more human qualities because he feels they dont Fit him. and the links w his questions to atsushi at the beginning and end, his bs 'do i really seem like the type of guy to do x thing'.)

chuuya says hes acting inhuman, that his humanity isnt something people will believe because of the way he ACTS. and then chuuya does an example of his own Chuuya Humanity Act, an act of service for the people he cares about in the form of going to solve the situation himself. AND. ultimately, dazai ends up planning around this later to lead chuuya straight to him so the two of them can deal with it together.

skk pretty consistently ground eo to humanity. dazai through nullification/corruption, but outside of their abilities too (its the thought of dazai - more specifically, not thinking like him - that stops chuuya from killing N in stormbringer and denying verlaines assertion that he shouldnt have been born). and on the flipside, chuuya is part of the reason dazai doesnt khs during or after fifteen. dazais protecting people thing really starts out with chuuya. and again, chuuya makes it his business to call dazai on his shit. (even right the way back in chapter 31 of the main manga, we have that interaction over Q, with dazai saying he spared them only for self serving logical reasons, and chuuya saying he doesnt buy it).

this to me has always felt like part of that. its not 'youre not human', its 'the way you act makes it unbelievable that you are'. its an invitation to prove he is by doing something Real, something worth more than sleeping there til he dies.

and dazai does.

[i-cant-sing]

im WRITING NOTES AGAIN!!!

ok so i had to reread the ending of TTAU pt 9 cos i was confused on why y/n was crying! but im refreshed, that’s just so sad to me. it must’ve felt very dehumanizing with how the royals (specifically Miriham ) treats y/n and to have her niqab ripped off of her. and her broach stolen too, but idk if she cares for that. i’m mostly focusing on the niqab being her coverage and her way to feel closer to her religion. idk maybe im reading too into it.

AGH BALDWIN MENTION!! RAHHHH RAHHHH RAHHHHH

Ibrahim PRAYING to have y/n fall in love with him too. I FEEL SO ROMANTICAL!! that’s just too cute , it’s not forcing y/n to be with him but hoping she comes to love him aswell , RAHHH I LOVE IT

also i feel like with him wanting her…idk if he’ll actually help her get Out. maybe get out of the royal area , or something. but idk about…letting her leave him?! it makes me suspicious but then he prayed for her and now idk…his intentions just seem 🫨 to me. it’s shaking me around

mustafa bringing more broaches for y/n to wear, i wonder if he realizes that mihirmah is taking them without asking yet. or if he fr thinks y/n is still giving them away cos she doesn’t care.

im so stupid for not finishing that paragraph before writing something.

“there's no way he doesnt know Mihirmah is the one taking them when she openly flaunts them in his face.” is deadass the next sentence

“Baris asked as he looked through your closet.” i bet, he’s judging so hard. his ass is the type to throw something out cos he thinks it’s ugly.

another baldwin flashback 😭 STAWP , i’m trying to hate him in peace

"Because... I have to look for a present for Mustafa." SHE PLAYING BARIS LIKE MONOPOLY “present for Mustafa ☺️” LIAR !!!

"Have you stolen it?" RAHHHH I FEEL SOMETHING WEIRD IN MY TUMMY! DOES SHE KNOW ? DOES SULTANA KNOW SOMETHKNG SHE SHOULDNT ?

“Have you stolen what you came for? What exactly were you looking for? Mustafa's gold? His jewels?" bruh nvm. i’m stupid for thinking she’s smart.

“Just like Isabella, he will betray you every chance he gets.” that’s gotta be rough. like y/n has no one. literally no one. she’s just by herself until she can get home to her family, to her brother. i mean, y/n is clearly capable of surviving on her own, but it must be incredibly lonely and sad ! RAHHHH Y/N ! GOVE Y/N A BREAK!

“But... where did the portrait go?”

1. one of the boys has it hanging up cos “oh it looks so similar to the loml” 🤮

2. someone took it as black mail and is going to accuse y/n of witchery

3. it’s getting fixed up from where bladwin made out with it and they’ll find out it looks so similar to y/n and think y/n is related to royalty cos “why did a king 400 years ago have this portrait painted IF NOT IT BEING THE LOVE OF HIS CRAZY ASS LIFE ! AND Y/N IS A DESCENDANT AND CLEARLY NEEDS TO MARRY ONE OF THE BOYS THIS INSTANT! “

4. someone burnt it for y/n already

“ "I may not know how to hunt, but you do. So... shall we?" You asked patting the horse. “ y/n just makes herself seem like the weirdest person ever in both time periods cos she just wants to get OUTTA THERE! she does Not care if they think she’s crazy, she’ll say whatever to get where she needs to go.

“You both stared at each other, heaving and trying to catch your breath before breaking out into a laughter.” this horseback riding/chase scene is giving Anthony & Kate love story in Bridgerton. next thing we know Mustafa is gonna be going 🥴😵‍💫🤯 for how y/n smells. (this joke is gonna be lame if u haven’t seen bridgerton, i apologize)

“And somehow, you would soon hit the bullseye in his heart.” this shit corny as hell.

do it again

“…looking off into the distance as you remembered the old couple who helped you.” RAHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT! thats so saaaaad,

“‘…Maybe I'll see them there, just from a distance?" Mustafa nodded at your request. How could he say no to such an innocent ask?” *5 Seconds of Summer’s song Wrapped Around Your Finger starts playing *

“Those words, that praise... isnt that what he's yearned for all his life?” oh damn. this dude fell in love with a time traveling scammer. get in liiiine buddy, GET IN LINE!!!

“Doesnt he ever deserve to even delude himself that he has a chance at being the next sultan?” this whole paragraph just opened this character to me in such a naked way, it makes me FEEL REAL EMOTIONS! STOP IT! 🤮😭 also #daddyissues

“ "Wherever it'll be the most prominent." He smiled gently. “ hey, i’m just gonna jump off this cliff rq, ok? but fr tho? THIS IS TOO CUTE!! idk y/n’s plan with this is cos she doesn’t NEED to get him a gift, maybe it’s to get closer with him so he’ll have more leeway with her walking off without him? i’m under the delusion that she might be falling in love tho 🤷🏽‍♀️

“…or the way his heart warmed when your pupils dilated and he was ready to give you the world if you asked for it.” her pupils dilated ? well, she’s definitely attracted to the man 😀 right ? RIGHT?

“ "crochet your anger away, Y/n." “ I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT Y/N’s FAMILY!! THEYRE TOO CUTE !!

“…you finally sighed exaggeratively, as if this wasnt exactly what you wanted.” awe damn, mother fucking bitch. I AM DELULU! I HATE IT! i should’ve known, y/n is a scammer girl 4 lyfe 😣

“ “I do. But unfortunately, I had given it away to a Roman diplomat as goodwill." “ liar. he’s got it. i’m calling it rn. he’s got IT ! HES HIDING IT SOMEWHERE!!!!!! RAHHHH U LIAR!!! I DONT TRUST ANYONE NOW!!!!

“By the time you two left Manisa, Mustafa had decided that he was going to marry you.” damn bruh. u quick asf with that, huh? u love y/n thaaat bad ? OOOOH u wanna kiss y/n soooo baaad! he’s a little simp! simp! simp! simp!

“Mustafa doesnt have Suleiman's respect. “ oh damn that spiral was a little crazy. i like that. that’s my type of spiral.

“…he could only hope you dont mind that he lied to you about the portrait.” …i knew it 😩 I KNEW IT 😣 YOU CANT TRUST BITCHES ANYMORE ! WHAT HAPPENED TO HONEST GODLY MEN WHO DIDNT LIE 👹 AND CHEAT 👹 AND BE MEN 👹 ! RAHHHHH

“For him to stare at, to clear his mind as he peered into those eyes above the paint smudges, that looked eerily similar to yours.” hey now. let’s all chill out and not look into that, ok! let’s just stare at the portrait that was made 400 years ago, and is missing the bottom half of its face cos of no reason what so ever. don’t ever try to make a artist try to replicate it. don’t do anything crazy.

“On returning to Constantinople (present day known as Istanbul),” instantly reminded me of that scene in Umbrella Academy w/ Five fighting all those agents in a doughnut parlor. (i keep referencing things and just hoping you know one of them 😎)

“…your eyes being trained on the sad man who was busy buying vegetables.” RAHHH STOP I FEEL SO SAD ! THESE TWISTS OF EMOTIONS ARE TORTURE (i’m jk, i love being melodramatic)

“…but deep down, he knows he only stepped in to impress you.” HEADASS! this dude a simp.

“Mustafa threw a pouch of gold coins and told him that the debt is paid. Period. “ period 💅🏽

him still thinking of y/n saying she’s proud of him? HES SO INFATUATED WITH HERRRRR RAHHHHHHH

“…not knowing about the shit storm that was about to come.”

1. mihirmah is mad

2. the other lover boy (Mehmed) is mad

3. the sultana (that ISNT mustafa’s mom) is mad cos her kids are mad

“…but it seems like sweet talking didnt make a dent on you” ok? bitch tf? SAVE MY GRANDFATHER FROM GETTING HARASSED AND PAY OFF HIS DEBT! then we can talk, tf? Y/n DOESNT OWE U ANYTHING BITCH

“ "You're clearly accusing me of something, so say it." “ oh man, i just love when a women doesn’t let bitchass men walk over them. PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE GIRL ! YES BITCH!!

“…they still stay here, only leaving when the sultan takes them along." “ you saying only a lady’s baby daddy or real daddy can take them out of the house ? get the FAWK out of my face , THIS DUDE GOT ME MAD!

“Is he- did he just say you tempt men?” barf. this man is the definition of “i trust You, i just don’t trust men around u,” BITCH SHUT UUUUUUUUPPP

“…but the moment these men know that you're a woman, you're meat for them.” this sounds like projection, mother fucker. get into some therapy. BARF

“This veil that you seem so proud of?…” why did this make me feel attacked? this made me even more upset for y/n, cos ??? y/n has every right to be proud of it even if “It only makes men to want to rip it off you more”, that isn’t Why y/n wears her veil. maybe i’m not using the right words or expressing my feelings right but it just made me really mad.

“but you're wrong if you think I'm using my veil, my covered body to invite men to stare at me." “ oh beautiful. she put it into words for me.

"I AM THE NEXT SULTAN! I AM UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO MAKE SENSE TO YOU!" the gasp that i just gusped!! HOW DARE YOU!!

“His hand reached up and grabbed your niqaab, threatening to yank it off you.” i’m feeling VERY VIOLENT THOUGHTS!

“Do you think you can stop me from making your worst nightmares come to life?"” 😮.

“he found it necessary to reprimand you.” 🤢

“He patted your cheek to make you nod, and he finally backed away and left you alone in the hall.” 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

“how Mehmed had lifted up your veil and traced your skin.” that was a deadass traumatizing scene between the two and all the palace bitches got from that was “ohhhh they’re in loooooove” SHUT UUUUUUUP

“You want Mustafa to lose- you want Mahidevran to lose!” oh this bitch is crazy. her thots spirals just like her sons, apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

“..it doesnt register at first the hard smack she delivered to your face.” god damn. y/n never catches a break in this awful place. GET HER OUT ! GET HER OUT NOOOOW!!

“Hurrem turned to look at you, grimacing at your bloodied face.” oh god damn. i just hate everyone atp.

“…then that is what I will say- Mehmed did this to me.” y/n is too smart for her own good. FUCK THEM BITCHES UP WITH INTELLIGENCE GIRL!! GET THEM WITH UR UPDATED SCHOOL TEACHINGS!!

“But if you were to help me escape-" “ i hope to god this bitch helps y/n leave PLEASE GOD PLEASE

“Baris walked in with Mustafa, Mehmed and Mihirmah, all looking at the state of your injured face.” oh damn, my girl isn’t wearing her niqab 😩

“…it was Mehmed's eyes that pricked you and you quickly grabbed your veil, tying it around your face to cover it.” he’s cool for that, ig. i still hate him and want him to die and want him to fall on his face and break his nose and i want his dad to stop loving him.

“Suleiman's eyes widened at the state of your face- bruised, bloodied and swollen.” THIS ANGST IS CRAAAAAZY! DUDE ITS CRAAAAAZY !! I GET WHY Y/N WONT SNITCH BUT PLEASE ! PLEASE ! LET SOMEONE BE SMART ENOUGH TO FOGURE IT OUT ON THEIR OWN ! (i’m asking for too much ik) WHERE THEY CAN IGNORE Y/N TRYING TO LIE ABOUT HOW SHE DOESNT KNOW! PLEASE

“No. No, she couldnt have.” YES SHE COULDVE U DUMB BOY! PLEASE ! PLEASE ! JUST FIGURE OUT UR MOM IS A DUMB BITCH ‘ PLEASE

“ Suleiman's sixth sense was keeping him unsettled” NAUR BITCH ! ITS MORE LIKE A 5 1/4th OF A SENSE ! UR SO CLOSE BUT SO FAR ! PLEASE ! SOMEONE PLEASE !

“ Her hands hiding under her sleeves.” OH THANK GOD ITS A FR 6th SENSE ! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!

“ "It’s okay, sultana. It was an accident." “ i did all this begging and for WHAT? whyyyy y/n ?! whyyyy do you have to care about the timeline and the fact that you’re literally controlling the future with what you doooo! whyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

“ All this time, I thought she was cheating on you but Hurrem set her and me up. “ so CLOSE! YOURE SO CLOSE! Hurrem’s son is just a fucking crazy misogynistic that deserves the PLAGUE ! idk what plague, of if there is a plague at this time , but i hope he gets something bad!

“He now understands why his mother wanted him to marry you. You- you are the key to having the throne…” i like that he Just now got it! i like to think he truly likes y/n all on his own without the mission of the throne. it definitely helps his feelings, he gets the girl he likes and the throne. but he liked her fr, just for her.

“…had his blood boiling at the sight of your face uncovered as Baris applied healing balms to your wounds.” is this dude ever Not mad ? gtfo

“He corrected you before turning your face to him harshly” i just realized this dude is a real yandere. like an actual yandere. i forgot that this is what it’s all about. i’m all like “hes dehumanizing y/n!” “hes misogynistic !” like bitch look at wtf ur reading. ofc he is. he’s a yANDERE ! i’m sorry, dear author! i forgot where i was for a second!

"If you can do it yourself, then why let Baris do it? Do you enjoy his touch?" i still hate him.

“…because you dont want to stay in a place without the only sane person who had your back.” as far as we know….as far as we know.

“…besides giving him curt replies, which he doesnt notice because his head is so far up his-“ BARF BARF BARF! i hate him

“Mehmed has fucking lost it, and I need to get out of here right now.” PLEASE PLEASE GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN! PLEASEEEE

"I'm saving your ass. Duh." i don’t trust ur Baris. someone def paid him to do it.

"He's having their eyes stitched up for staring at you." oh he’s CRAZY CRAZY! those poor people! y/n is going to feel so guiltyyyyy NAUUUR ! nawt more trauma ! leave my girl aloooooone!

“Keep a low profile and try not to seduce any more unhinged men.” little does Baris know…theyre in a story written by someone who will definitely have that happen :)! i’m sorry y/n ! i’m sorry for what the author with put u thru!!

“He had been paying me since the moment you set foot in the palace to keep you safe.” ibrahim! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU IBRAHIM!!

“So thats what Suleiman wanted to discuss with you.” Y/n ! LOVE IBRAHIM! PLEASE LOVE HIM! (i’m jk, but fr, i’m glad y/n is getting out)

“They're in love with me. And when they heard I was leaving, they decided to come along. “ baris, you devil man. i knew you were good this whole time…

“Maybe you just lucked out-“ i don’t want to scroll down. i don’t WANT TO MNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN! I JUST WANT TO TURN OFF MY PHONE AND DELETE TUMBLR AND LET THAH BE IT!!!

“You were struck by lightening.” god damn. just god damn. just- ohmygod! OHMYGOD! HO ! MA ! GAWD ! CAN SHE HAVE ANYTHING ? CAN SHE JUST GET A BREAK FOR A SECOND?’ CAN SHE JUST FEEL HOPE AND JOY FOR A SECOND?!

“ "I know where she is." He stood up, Mehmed following behind him. “ NAUUUR! THE GRANDPARENTS!! THEYRE GONNA DIIIIIE ! PLEASE NO! PLEASE GAWD NOOOOOOO!!!

“She killed herself the next day. She had jumped off the roof, but she didnt die instantly. She died as Hurrem watched from her balcony, and she refused to alert anyone to help the poor woman.” the old couples daughter, nooooo! just nooooooo! at least they can meet with her when they die,,,hopefully from old age!!

"BY THE ORDER OF SEHZADE MUSTAFA! OPEN THE DOOR!" it’s not gonna be from old age, they are Not dying from old age.

“ "Do it. Save Y/n." He told her, but before anyone could react, Mehmed sliced off the man's head, “ IM ACTUALLY CRYING. LIKE FR ! this isn’t faiiiiir! i mean? i know they were gonna die and i kept joking but IT WAS TO COVER THE PAIN! PLEASE NOOOOOO

“Mehmed kicked her in the back and the old lady fell to the ground. “ she died just like her daughter…kinda ? that’s so sad. i’m so upset!

"Fine." He pulled out his sword. "May the better prince win." god damn. just god damn.

“Mehmed was going to win and she needed to be there to witness it.” she’s as crazy as her damn brother. why tf did i think she was a lesbian and in love with y/n. i should’ve known 😣 i was pushing my gay agenda , the republicans r right 🫨 IM JUST FUCKING AROJND! i’m KIDDING

“ "I am better than you. In every way." Mustafa raised his sword to drop it on Mehmed's neck, just as cruelly he had done to that old woman.” SCREAMING! IM SCREAMING!!

“But that will be for another day-“ nauuur bitch. ur brother is gonna kill you! TURN AROUND BITCH ! TURN AROUND’ RAHHH NOOOO RAHHHHH

“People who more than willingly began microdosing Mehmed with poison.” i didn’t Not expect this. ho em gee

“You slammed your fists as the room began catching on fire.” y/n and fire! god damn. you’d think fire is a yandere for this poor girl. ohmygodddd

“The next moment, Mustafa's head was chopped off.” THE. GASP. I. JUST. GUSPED. NAUUUUUR I LIKED HIM THE MOST! NAUUUUR NAUUUUR NAUUUUUR

“It’s on.” oh mygod. OH MYGDOD

“Whatever time you land in, it'll be better than the one where you almost burn to death. Right?” RIGHT ?! RIGHT?! god PLEASE SOMEONE! GET THAT DAMN SCREEN FIXED ! PLEASE !

i’m feeling so many emotions. everyone died. girl when u said “ no one gets hurt “ or something like that. i was like “oh some ONE will die” bitch i didn’t think EVERYONE! the old couple! mustafa ! fuck head! like god damn bruh. i wonder how badly this will fuck with the timeline in the future.

ibrahim is at war rn and waiting to get home to his soon to be wife! the sultanas have lost both of their eldest sons! hurrem has some leftovers, so i wonder who will be in charge next.

the old couple gets to see their daughter again, and i loved how they loved y/n. i wonder why the old lady was choking y/n tho? was it to kill her so she didn’t have to go with mehmed & mustafa?

mustafa dying really upset me too. he had a genuine connection with y/n i feel like (besides ibrahim ofc) and i really liked him. you fleshed out his character so well that it shocked me when he died! he must’ve been scared, surrounded by people who wanted him dead. his mom far away. the love of his life (y/n) meeting an uncertain fate in that random castle. his brother just dying infront of him. i thot he had his army with him too, so im surprised Mehmed’s men were surrounding him. it’s just sad!

BUT SO GOOD! i’m so excited to see how this goes! how far it goes! i’ve really enjoyed annotating while i read as well, i feel like im more immersed in the story! thank you for chapter 10! it was delicious 😩

11/10 review, amazing, showstopping fabulous <3333

and yes, the old couple was killing y/n to save her from being taken advantage of by the ottomans, as their daughter was. in a way, they had good intentions for y/n.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Can you do a Crp x Reader who can't cook for shit but is really really trying? Like the food they serve looks good but tastes super bad

-From your local shit cook

Various crps x reader who cant cook

bro i made a cake for my birthday and its so good im becoming diabolical.. not really a cake person but this one turned out good!! cinnamon swirl cake w/ brown sugar cinnamon frosting my beloeved characters: laughing jack, ticci toby, slenderman, jeff the killer notes: reader is gn, they cant cook either, the only one who can semi cook is toby and slender but we dive into that in a minute cws: none

SLENDERMAN

the only reason he knows how to cook is through observing; be it watching you or watching others in the past... hes no expert but he seems to have more luck in the kitchen than you do

no need to worry about giving him something that tastes bad, he doesnt need to eat human food- assuming his body even accepts it- and i wouldnt be surprised if his perception of taste was a little different compared to human tastes

doesnt make you feel bad about your cooking, will keep an eye from the corner of the room to see what you could be messing up... perhaps you were messing up measurements, or using the wrong ingredients? sugar and salt is an infamous mix up, it wouldnt be surprising if there were other things that got mistaken for something else

assuming eating human food doesnt make him ill, he will humor you and eat whatever you give him.. its his way of showing support!

TICCI TOBY

can "cook" but in the sense that he knows how to microwave something and follow the instructions, or spice up a bowl of noodles or some other pre packaged goods

despite not being much better than you, he still finds it hard to conceal his face when he tastes something that... probably shouldnt taste like that... he may even instinctively say something out of surprise before backtracking- he may not have much of a filter but hes doing his best to protect your feelings

might force himself to eat through the rest of the portion, may even give some push back if you tell him he doesnt need to finish it if he doesnt like it

theres an effort but keeping his face neutral is hard

LAUGHING JACK

cant cook at all, probably the type to light water on fire and stand there in awe wondering just HOW he managed to pull that off... on top of that, he doesnt need to eat.. so he never really picked up on the skill

eats whatever you make him, not very phased by the flavors the dish may give him simply because this man has likely put everything in his mouth at least once at some point... so unless you make a new thing hes never come across before, hes not going to give much of a negative reaction

he might try to make you feel better by telling you that your cooking isnt the worst hes had, he used to steal food from homes he was lurking in as a joke... theres... definitely worse cooks than you out there

offers to be in the kitchen with you, though that will more than likely end in absolute chaos regardless of if what ends up being made is edible

JEFF THE KILLER

cant cook either, like toby he can only really microwave stuff and make the bare minimum to keep himself going... does not go out of his way to make things better

that being said hes not all that much of a picky eater so theres a good chance hes going to eat most of anything you put in front of him... so theres that! there are a few dishes hes rejected, though, whether verbally or physically (in the form of his body just... ejecting the food. whether in the form of vomit or simply dropping it before he has the chance to swallow.. depends on how bad your cooking is)

if its something you want to get better at he lightly offers to learn to cook with you, his tone comes off as him just saying it to get you to pipe down... but he doesnt fight back or leave when you commit to the idea and get him to join you in the kitchen

[burnedwriter]

what type of roommate they are

A/n:college has been kicking my ass lately.These are small headcanons of what type of roommate they would be

warnings:fluff,mention of fighting,mentions of smoking weed and a bit of angst on zhongli’s part

🐋Childe/tartaglia

🐋Let’s start with that he’s the worst out of everyone on this list,not that hes moody or anything along the lines but because hes one of the messy ones,not only that but he also loves teasing you

🐋he will leave his stuff everywhere in the apartment and then you have to go pick them up one by one or else they will be left there for week upon on weeks ,you learned that lesson the hard way when he left one of his plates in his room and it got spoiled.

🐋He will always come back extremly drunk after he comes back from the parties he usaully goes,you will hear him stumble across the kitchen,the first time that happened you thought you were getting robbed.You usually help him with his hangover as you see him curled up in a ball.

🐋He is suprisingly a very good cook,he usually cooks for you if he sees that you are really tired and to make up for all his teasing as he says.

🐋Even if hes a little teasing piece of shit,he will always be there for you,if you need a shoulder to cry on or complain to him about your problems

🐋‘‘come on Ajax’‘you said dragging him in the apartment.

he was out on one of his usual parties when he called to come and pick him up since he was too drunk to drive himself back.

‘‘you are so heavy’‘struggling to carry him as you pushed him on the living room couche so he could la down and relieve the pressure from your should as you felt that you were going to get crashed by his weight.

‘‘my fucking head hurts’‘he groaned in pain covering his eyes with his forearms as they were too sensitive to the light.

‘‘stay here im going to bring you some water,do you need anything else Ajax’‘you asked him,as you marched towards the kitchen pouring him a glass of water and getting him a painkiller and returned to the living room.

Sitting up,he reached for the glass,taking small sip,he swallowed the painkiller before putting the glass back on the table.

His eyes still looking foggy from the headache still.

‘‘can you keep me some company untill the pain goes away?’‘he questioned,placing his head on your lap using your thighs as a pillow,looking up at you with puppy eyes to convince you to stay with him.

‘‘fine’‘you signed holding his head softly on your hands stroking his cheeks.after sometime passed you went to check up on him,looking down you were quickly greeted with an asleep ajax on your lap sleeping calmly.

🐉zhongli

🐉the best roommate someone can have

🐉Hes super clean and quiet the perfect combo,he usually studies in his room,and if you need any help with your assignments hes always there to help you and share his knowlage with you.

🐉Hes a clean freak,he cant stand things not being in their place or out of order,if he sees that you forgot something where it shouldnt be,he will always drop hints like ‘’i think you forgot something on the table’’ for you to come and pick it up

🐉Hes also an amazing cook,he cooks for the both of you,unlike the other people on this list ,zhongli has an expensive taste,you still dont know where he gets all this money from to make those expensive dishes.

🐉Hes also an amazing emotional support but unlike childe,he will actually give you good advices or help you through your tough times.

🐉zhongli was standing right outside your door,he was going to ask you if you wanted to go shopping with him when all of a sudden he heard crying coming from your room.

‘‘are you ok dear, can i come in,so we can talk?’‘ ’‘zhongli asked,knocking softly

‘‘no,but you can come in’‘you said from the other side,your voice still shaky from crying.

Entering the room,he sat next to you on your bed,placing a hand on your back trying to calm you down.

‘‘what happened may i ask?,if you want to of course, i will still stay here until you calm down’‘he said,reassuring you that he will still be there for you no matter the answer you give him.

‘‘i studied for this exam and still failed’‘tears creeping up from your eyes,as you explained the situation to zhongli.

‘‘its not the end of the world im sure you will learn from your mistakes,there is always a next time,im sure you will do better next time’‘he said with a soft smile on his lips,stroking your back softly.

His small speech giving you back the onfidence that you need,as you wipe your face with the sleeves of your shirt clearing yur vision.

‘‘you are probably right zhongli,there is alway a next time’‘you answered back at him with the same soft smile.

‘‘i was going to ask you if you want to come shopping with me,are you still up for the idea?’‘he questioned,waiting for an answer from you.

‘‘sure let me get ready first and we can go,i actually needed some new shoes’‘

💀xiao

💀Xiao is a unique roommate,hes not bad nor good,hes more like neutral.

💀he will lock himself in his room for hours upon hours on end and come out only if he needs to eat something or go to the bathroom.

💀he smokes weed,sometimes when you pass by his room,you can smell it through the door.You want to ask him to try some but you are too scared to ask him.

💀Hes not the best person to talk to but he is there for you if you need someone to talk to,just dont expect him to give you advices like zhongli does.

💀Both of you have smoked weed together,after finally gathering up the courage to ask him if you could smoke with him which he suprisingly shared with you.laying on xiaos chest his hand wrapped around you as the both of you passed the joint back and forth

‘‘wow take it easy there,its your first time and i dont want anything bad happening to you’‘he aid cautious,taking it quickly away from your hand before you could take another puff.

‘‘i will be fine dont worry’‘you said looking up at him.

‘‘no’‘his answer short and swift,as he took a puff.

‘‘i didnt know you were so chill’‘you stated

‘‘and what did you though about me’‘ he asked confused at your sentence as he continued to smoke.

‘‘well...i though you were one of those moody people that hated socializing,that’s why i was scared to talk to you,i felt a bit intimidated’‘you answered,now wrapping your own arm around his torso,hugging him.

‘‘oh’‘he looked shocked by your answer,catching him off guard

‘‘but i glad i gathered the courage and now we are friends’‘starting to slur over your word as you snuggled on his chest chest your mind starting to go blank as the effects of the drug started to kick in.

💨😒scaramouche

💨😒scara is one of the worst combos moody and sassy.You two fight a lot because of his subtle attitude which ends with you both locking yourselfs in your rooms

💨😒If you leave soemthing somewhere he will tell you something along the lines like ‘’arent you going to pick it up?’’ or ‘’its not going to clean itself’’.

💨���he is really smart and a good student but refuses to help you if you are having trouble with any of your assignments,he will tell you ‘’google is free’’ and proceed to  continue reading his book,you could almost see the small smirk on the side of his mouth everytime he says it.

💨😒hes a good cook but he will ask you to clean the dishes right after he sees you finishing your food.

💨😒if he accidentally hurts you with something he said,he will immediatly apologise to you right after the both of you calmed down,he felt guilt overtake his body as soon as he saw tears threatening to escape your eyes

💨😒You two play a lot of video games together in your free time,one time he dared you to 1v1 him in his favourite game which you ended up winning and then you had a very salty scara asking you for a rematch.

💨😒sitting on the living room couche you both played,games for hours,you tried your best to win against scara but you were greeted yet again win the same scoreboard showing scara at the top and you on the buttom indicating your loss.

‘‘guess who won yet again’‘scara said with his usual sassy tone looking at you with a teasing smile.

‘‘its not fair!you cheated!’‘you yelled in response,pouting angryly.

‘‘i ‘’cheated’‘ sure’‘ he let out a breathy laugh at your angry expression.

‘‘i want a rematch and this time i want go easy on you’‘you demanded looking at him still pissed that you lost.

‘‘fine,but dont expect me to go easy on you either,like i did before,you asked for it afterall’‘he said with a smug expression on his face.

‘‘bet,prepare to loose then’‘

‘‘sure...’‘

[robogart]

So do you just respond to anon hate because you know itll get you showered with compliments after? Because you really shouldve just deleted them and moved on ... Dont engage, just block, right? Or are you just too good for that. If its not worth the effort, why do you keep doing it? Look, I really truly love your work .... I *agree* with all the people complimenting you. But taking the time out of your day to formulate snarky responses to people that should not matter to you, for the sake of drowning it out with others' approval just makes you look really vain and desperate. Im sorry if that upsets you. Im not trying to judge your character, im just saying thats how you might appear to an outsider, but you shouldnt care about what i think of you anyway. Regardless, i hope you have a wonderful day and keep making the art that you want to make. ✌

I will say "don't engage, just block" has been a successful tactic that I have used/been using on twitter (and instagram, when I remember to use it) since two people can't really engage with a character limit. There's also no real anonymous posting on either platform, so people can get dogpiled on either side, which I try to be aware of and avoid.

So it's tough because I do agree that most times it is better to walk away - you're right! And I'd be inclined to do that for most internet circumstances. But I guess this Shadowheart situation has honestly just become something that I am going to speak up on, because to these anonymous messages, I want to state and clearly explain why this piece, and others like it, are important to me. Drawing fat people is very important to me.

And I have been very much "in the pocket" today in responding to things, much more than I usually am, considering I usually don't get this much inbox attention at all. In the past, the few times I'd get this sort of quantity of responses would also come from a similar circumstance when I would want to draw a character from a popular series (usually drawing them as fat, buff, larger-bodied than their original design) and people want to speak up on it. So when this does happen, and specifically on tumblr because it's a blogging platform that supports long text and anonymous messages, I do find myself responding to most things. Especially since it's revolving around drawing fat bodies and it is something I feel impassioned to speak up on and explain why I do it.

My more "snarky" and cheeky responses are towards the anonymous messages that are giving me that energy at the start. And I respond to them because I am a person, not just some art-making machine on the internet. I want these anons to know that I see their messages, their attitude is not appreciated, and their commentary is hateful and wrong because they have internalized shit they should work through (as do we all). But it's not going to fly here and there are MANY people who agree with me and do not tolerate this behavior, and these anons should see that that is the case.

The kind and supportive messages I get because of these situations I vastly appreciate. I respond to them because I'm grateful for the time, I'm in that typing/ready-to-respond pocket, and they help me (and hopefully others) remember that for every hateful thing someone might say, there are a dozen people who support you. Every time you dare to draw and represent a person outside of the beauty standard, there will always be people who will hate it and they are going to tell you. But with them, there will be dozens more who truly love it because they find it beautiful and they will appreciate what you do. It is immensely meaningful and important to me that people see this and see more artwork that expands the scope of beauty. That is why I respond to these messages.

[utterdrip]

Hi hi hi <3 I wanted to ask, I wanna install mods to bg3 but I only find guides from months ago and since we got new patches, I was wondering if you could help me ? Thank u and sorry to disturb you <3

hi, sure!! i will say that 1) things shouldnt have changed so much with new patches. mods do break, but the mod authors are usually quick to rectify them so they work with the patches (check your downloaded mods in nexus and change the order to most recently updated and dl it. bg3mm is rly good at just overwriting old mods with the newer versions w/o having to do anything but import them)

and 2) i am just. a layperson doing my best when it comes to modding. i dont know shit so this is just my experience!

NECESSARY FOR MOST MODS TO WORK

BG3 MOD MANAGER

BG3 mod fixer

bg3 community library

compatibility framework

companions – old shaders

improvedUI release ready

player and npc - old shaders

script extender

shivero’s icon gallery

trips’ old shader pack

tutorial chest summoning

unique tav

vfx library

Okay, i just copied and pasted this from my mods page because this is a good starting point methinks. I don't mod through nexus' program, so i can only guide through bg3 mod manager (bg3mm)

alright lets start with the easiest types of mods: paks. PAKs are what bg3mm are able to export directly into the game without us having to do anything but i'll break it down

PAKs are typically: additional gear, hairstyles, earrings, weapons, faces, horns, eye colors, makeup colors, dyes, dice, new spells, new classes, new potions, and the like. they're things that dont need to override things in the vanilla game in order to be added, however, order is still important in bg3mm

find some shit you wanna dl. i'm gonna use tav’s hair salon as an example. they dl as zip files

i recommend having all of your dl-ed mods moved to a specific folder for you to keep track of

open up bg3mm and go to >file>import mod

4. select the mod/s you want to import

5. they will get loaded into bg3mm on the RIGHT SIDE (inactive mods)

6. you just have to click and drag the mods you want over to the right side to move them to active

7. certain mods need a special load order in bg3mm. ex: tav's hair salon needs to be above (a lower number) and it's icon patch needs to be below it (a higher number)

7a. unique tav should be loaded at the bottom of the load order(a higher number) and any "unique tav patches" that you need for other mods should be loaded beneath it (a higher number than unique tav)

8. press export at the top to the game file path and you should be all loaded in

yay okay now, to mods that need to be directly overwriting game files. you need a zip extractor - i use winrar

it will be in the mod description whether or not you need to add these manually, but they are typically: unique tav, different makeup or tattoo styles, different body types or body tattoos, etc. i'll be using soft body for my example because i lov it<3

a lot of work needs to go into getting soft body to work, and it has to be done in a certain order so that things are replaced and loaded properly

trips’ old shader pack needs to be dl-ed AND installed first. extract it. anything that needs to replace files will do so in the DATA folder for bg3 OR if it's unique tav, their specific folders

companions – old shaders is next, and fortunately the two files for this mod is now 2 paks, and can be added to bg3mm easily

soft body is finally to be dl-ed, extracted, and moved into the data folder. you have to enter the extracted folder and move the GENERATED folder created from the mod into the DATA folder for bg3. every time you install manually, you will get a prompt to overwrite the files. click YES as that is what is allowing the mods to exist

as u can see, i like pinning the data folder to the quick access so i can just throw the generated folders in when i need to

and this is what ur mod folder should look like for bg3

ok yeah thats all i got hopefully this makes sense or is helpful lmk if theres anything i missed

[cmncs-infodumps]

honestly the less active i got in the ghost fandom the more my headmates started to feel comfortable fronting and being willing to link themselves back to me publicly and i think that says a lot about the state this fandom has been in for the past 7 years or so

legit the moment i left a ghost fan server i was sorta made moderator of without my consent i felt so fucking free like you dont even understand. only reason i was there for so long was because i was one of like 4 or 5 adults in that server and one of the only 2 or 3 adults on the mod team. the mod team was of like 9 people btw and they let 14 year olds on the mod team even though we had to deal with talking people out of suicide in the vent channels and you know. other shit 14 year olds shouldnt have to deal with (i would know from personal experience thanks to this stupid fucking fandom)

there are 2 types of people in the fandom. people who worship ghost like a god and people who are a part of some discord server clique who bullies anyone they dont like. legit i ended up saying the meanest shit about people i barely knew anything about in multiple of these servers bc of peer pressure n shit it was awful

i feel like ive been in an abusive relationship with this fandom since i joined way back when i was 12 and at times i was literally being abused emotionally by people in this fandom.

i shouldn't have been the group therapist at 12 to a group of people that were years older than me and had been going through the worst shit imaginable. i shouldn't have been subjected to cocsa at 13 while multiple 16 year olds sat around and did nothing about it. i shouldn't have been peer pressured into hiding how i felt about the more popular members of the fandom at 14. i shouldn't have been made to believe that a groomer and their victims were the only people who would accept me for who i was when i was 15. i shouldn't have been around a 12 year old that i had to be a moral compass for that ended up cyberstalking me when i was 15. and i definitely shouldn't have been made a moderator for a server full of suicidal children at the age of 18.

i feel like i would've ended up much more sane if i had never fucking joined this fandom in the first place. i advise people to reject false idols and to not be a gossiping little bitch

[mr-mcnuffin]

the whole dokibird situation being blown up as it is, is wild to me that fact that the public knows there is documents existing is the fucked up thing imo like obvs dokibird was going through some shit even if it just turned out to be mental health shit, we (the public) shouldnt know that documents exist like this. out of all the issues this one thing is the most tangible thing that is a problem to me, it really highlights nijisanjis fucked up communication. i really hate the speculation type bs bc there are real people behind those vtuber models and borked pr statements or w/e you want to call them. sorting out whats what through lawyers wouldve been better for literally everyone in the situation. they're basically fancy mediators in a way.

honestly the document thing being mentioned and not having been shown at all to the public is what pisses me off the most. feels so dirty like its being held as something that is purposely obscured as if to generate speculation on its contents. it's kinda funny how it's hurt nijisanji the most even though they're the ones who brang it up.

I know for some people the fact that someone makes a document on their friends/co-workers might seem extreme or disgusting. I can't say shit about dokibirds situation bc i am obvs not her. However I have done similar things in the past to help collect my thoughts and work through my emotions around certain situations. Often I would show this document to a friend or third party to get feedback and a fresh perspective. Sometimes I would realise that the problems were just related to my own issues (stress/anxiety/mentall illness stuff). And sometimes I would realise the problems were the other person treating me like shit.

dealing with intense stress or situations is hard enough as is. ik pretty much everyone seems to be on dokibirds side rn. but some of yall need to show a little kindness to the other people involved too. being a dick to people being dicks or mishandling shit doesn't help anyone.

[myrfing]

woo yeah 6.5 msq spoiler thread. I'll do a (few?) big ones instead of post spamming

I'm having a 2 characters are in the same frame moment with zeroshtola. wow she is staring at her with her pixel eyes

ALLAGAN BALL BACTERIOPHAGES ! this is how we win

BRO BEQ LUGG IS GOING TO BE SO MAD AT ME AGAIN THIS IS THE SCARIEST PART OF THIS PATCH

BEQ LUGG I HAVE SOMETHING TO ASK OF YOU

Ryne baby :] she's the best

Gourd: Hi Ryne Ryne: Is the world ending .

THIS MAKES IT SOUNDS LIKE BEQ LUGG HOMOPHOBIC MOMENT HELP ME

IT'S GRAY IT'S A GRAY SKY SORRY she sees the beauty in all <3

ryne DoH arc YEasss Yess

that's right zero NEVER give up ARGHHH *grips her shoulders*

"i trust you're willing to walk with me" ALWAYS

LYNA. LYNA LYNA LYNA LYNA LYNA AAAAAAGGGGGHH

whisperweeds are the first's linkpearls AFTER SO LONG WE?

lyna is not staying...:(

LAGAUGH

rehashing the whole people dont like the tower making noises thing is...i mean alright but lol

HEY I SHOULDNT BE TAKING RYNE TO THE STRIP CLUB

im going to cry aat zero's impression of pole dancers I'm telling estinien

cont

yes ryne...it is nice to guide someone through the same steps (wet seal eyes)

zero is too straightforward right now maybe to think of it but it must be an experience being changed incorrigibly by the darkness you fought against and then to go to another world and have people see safety and peace in it

the whisperweed ringtone is so cute

LOL gourd smiling immediately after hearing lyna's voice on the phone. TRUE

hey trolley guys and sadcatman wifewithoutamodel

ZEOR FAMILY GUY DEATH POSE ALMFOAFSAOFOSA

GIRL SHE REALLY WENT FOR THE DRINK THAT MAKES YOU DIE INSTANTLY SIP

i legitimately love how awkward and melodramatic zero is like she does not understand time and place Win

this is. (turns into a hamster) ryne dose attenuator

WE'RE GOING BACK ALREADY? BUT...ZERO I HAVESOMEONE FOR YOU TO MEET. AND GAIA? NO GOTH GET TOGETHER?

i see they seem to be setting up the void quests for a restoration of the dark-empty type thing and maybe they will meet there...cylva may not have msq ascension but I h ave hope. for ever.

aw ryne that is exactly right we're going to have a trolley system for the shards in no time

me on a saturday night

i actually said "oh shit" out loud. that is really fucking cool MY GOD? i know amaurot did it before but this is more to me .

the golbez durante yaoi is real

oh hey what the hell

the face censoring. i get it durante FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

ok im such a sucker for this persona inheritance shit. this happensin my webcomic

HELP WHAT IS THIS SUDDEN INCREMENTALIST VS REVOLUTIONARY ARGUMENT THAT'S NOT WHA

hydaelyn's sword looks cool in the darkness here :]

dude zeromus' voice

also did anyone get that bug where zero's stance keeps looping in the cutscene so it looks like she's tbagging durante. Didd I see that

ZERO YOUR NUB FLAMFOAFOA

golbez i need you to meet this woman named cylva expeditiously. I NEED 13th reunion

amends love returned made even so so long after the world has ended....snrf

tiny baby azdaja im gonna cry dude he's wearing her as a hat

YES. YES! YES! YES!

[deedala]

Do you think Debbie would want to have more kids down the line?

you know what this is such an interesting question because i really kind of felt like she might not want more kids but in (im pretty sure the big final zoom call interview) emma said that she thought debbie would eventually have some more kids, and i guess i want to think that the people playing these characters understand them the best??

but i dunno maybe that actually shouldnt be a factor at all and i should go right on thinking that debbie and franny will carry on with like lorelai and rory gilmore type vibes.

except i do really hope debbie finds a partner eventually because she obviously wants one. and i very much think she can, shes really going through some shit when we leave her at the end of season 11 but i very deeply believe that franks death sparks a desire amongst the gallagher siblings to kind of rally and revitalize their strong connections. and i just think that she really needs her family to help her work through some of her stuff. she’s just still so young in season 11!

uhm sorry i got distracted?

im gonna go with no. i think debbie is just gonna focus on franny, herself, her family, and her eventual lovely partner 🙃

send me assks!!

[oh-my-damn]

I’m the same....re: no kids/heavy breeding kink.

I’m a no on kids for myself for a variety of reasons: don’t want to bring life into this kind of world (climate change), feel a type of way about my own ability to parent (have some mental illness stuff which can make life really difficult for me without children).

I’m not anti-kids wholly, but as of right now (I’m 33) I don’t see myself having or wanting kids.

But boy do I love love love reading breeding kink in my fics. It makes my brain go HNNNNG.

I’m sure a therapist would go mad with it, but it’s probably a lot more common than we think. Probably something to do with being able to indulge in a non consequential way in something we absolutely don’t want in real life, blah blah blah.

LMAO yeah I'm never mentioning this to a therapist or psychology major skjsksks

Will be putting the rest under a cut bc I don't mean to offend anyone, this is merely my opinion and perception on certain matters. I am also not saying everyone is like this or should feel like this, these are some of my experiences with certain types of parents and life as someone who has never wanted kids.

Honestly I'm just not that.... excited, by kids. There was a baby in the row ahead of us on the 11 hour flight back from Cali. Not a mood. Not a vibe.

I rolled my eyes the second I noticed bc that is just my luck, to be placed behind a baby on a long distance flight. In my opinion (this is my opinion, and not everyone has to agree) I think you shouldnt bring a baby on a plane. It's just a hassle, not just to the parents, and the baby, but also to everyone on that flight. I understand emergencies, but tbh, we all know that's rarely why it happens.

I remember a huge commotion going on once because of people saying they should offer child-less flights. I think it's a good idea; and yes, I am speaking as a person who does not have children. But I also don't like them particularly. I like a select few within my immediate family (and sometimes, I don't even like them very much because kids can absolutely be assholes sometimes because they don't know any better) but I don't have to like a strangers child. I hate that society tells us to always be nice to kids because some of them are assholes and annoying?? Just like people can be??? And I don't have to be nice, or not swear, just because some stranger and their kid is in the vicinity?? I'm not raising your child, I don't have to do shit.

And to be frank, I didn't choose to have a child or to bring them on a plane so why should I have to suffer through 11 hours of it? You chose to have it and bring it, you should suffer for it. But I didn't. I paid a lot of money and I am exhausted and it's honestly not fair or cool.

And I agree with not wanting to bring a child into this very dark future ahead of us. I am one of the "crazy people" who actually have a contingency plan for whatever disaster happens. I even have one for zombies and a different one for an alien attack. I don't have a bunker or anything like that, but I have a gameplan that I have informed my best friend about and although she thinks I'm ridiculous, she knows it by heart. We even talked about it when Covid first hit lmao.

Idk, I just feel like some people who have kids can also be very preachy about how hard it is but also about how it's the greatest love in the world. I've heard the "you'll change your mind" speech over and over again. But I've never wanted them. I've also never fantasized about my wedding. Or about a family. I'm just not like that, I'm not into it.

I've fantasized about going to court and putting bad people behind bars. Solving murder cases. It was just all I really wanted, you know? Never a family or kids.

My mom was a career woman herself and she does have kids (obvi) so I would hope to be like her if I ever did decide to have children. She managed to balance decently, although it was never perfect, but I love my mom wholeheartedly now and we have an amazing relationship.

All in all, I just don't find kids cute, or fascinating. I don't want to coo at them. I don't think they're all adorable (actually, most of them are ugly but I will admit that some can tug at my heartstrings. Rarely, though).

And I don't like those certain parents (like the ones I've seen on tiktok) who preach about how "grown people shouldn't go to disney bc it's for kids" or how "people with kids should be able to skip the line" or how "having kids is the hardest thing in the world". Fuck that. Having kids is hard, yes, absolutely. But we have people out here doing double shifts in hospitals, picking bodies off the road. Everyone can have children. You don't need an education or license for it. It's not the hardest, that's just not how it works (although I know circumstances are different for everyone. For me specifically I'm talking about a very niche group of parents who try to berate people who say they don't want kids and who try to appear as better than others because they have children)

I am very much pro-choice as well so I am obviously talking about people who chose to have them (pls don't turn any of this into a discussion about that because obviously that's not what I'm talking about and I admire people who are unable to get an abortion and are forced to take on such a burden sometimes against their will. I could never do that, I am simply too selfish as a person, and I would be beyond devastated if I ever lost my option to choose)

[olive-oyl]

7 years

It's been 7 years since my last post/reblogging.

7 years..so..2017

hmmm...what's happened since 2017 to now 2024. well, to name a few:

roomed in brooklyn, then with "he who shall not be named", and finally my own apt

many tattoos/piercings

broke up with "he who shall not be named "countless times, then for good in 2021. i finally spoke up about sick of him being indecisive/cruel with me. Through his getting stabbed by his own brother, my (singlehandedly) cleaned up his blood for a couple hours. Through him losing his family and my having to coax him through that. Helping him get through his nightmares/ trauma with the kitchen (that's where it happened). Helping him feel safe in his space, again...and many maaaaaany more things i did for him, to prove i was worth keeping..and still, it wasn't enough. He didnt want kids (which fast forward to now, idk if i want them either, but at that time it was a big deal cuz i was 28? and we both discussed that when i hit 30, we would try for one. (Which is fucking crazy.) He didnt wanna get married...shouldnt be too surprised cuz he didnt wanna call me his gf either (despite us chatting all day/every day, being together every weekend, cooking together every weekend, going out & fucking) Rinse & Repeat for yeeeears. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 8 times, cant put the blame on you. Kept waiting for the "what if" *insert eye roll here* We grew apart. I moved forward, and he was held bent on staying in the same place. In the end, i was too much for him, and we wasnt enough for me. You know when he FINALLY decided he wanted to give "us" a try again, the day I dumped him.

Storm passed. The hardest day of my life.

realllly got into astrology/tarot/practicing

at some point i had a photography job, was focused on that a while. Then dropped it and started sketching, then tried painting for the first time. turns out, I'm a natural. took onto it beautifully and am good at it

learned how to bake bread/ cookies from scratch

changed my hair a bajillion times, but had locs at one point. they were beautiful, but heavy/hurt my neck

i did a bonfire in the forest. helicopters hovered, so i got spooked and stomped it out (but only after roasting marshmallows for s'mores)

worked with kids

dated a musician, that guy from the circus, the government official, an author, a middle school math teacher, an artist/twitch streamer, a couple, the horse and the older guy

He's been a supressed memory, and every time the thought of him creeps back in and i cant shake it, i'll just cry over til i supress it all over again. He's invaded my brain space, so, im typing this through tears.. This is probably silly & im currently hormonal, but Andy got let go. It's been..5-6 years, and it still hurts. I love him very much and once it happened...i felt like it was too late. I resented "he should not be named" for it, that ass hat wasn't worth it. And honestly, since losing Andy, I've always felt alone. I lost my safe space. I was still living with HWSNBN and it was, honestly, a hostile environment. We never really spoke, we got into a few bad fights and he was trying to kick me out after he put his hands on me/broke 70% of my shit. I wasn't allowed to express myself/how i felt without getting ridiculed for it...so, i shut down. Wasn't allowed to talk. So, when I was with Andy, I finally spoke up. Told him all the things i wish i could say, go on long walks with him. We'd eventually talk about other things and have lots of laughs/ giggles. He'd hold my hand as we wandered. And his hug...man, i miss his hugs. HWSNBN's hugs weren't safe. He would actually weaponize them against me, often. Andy's were safe. I could sleep in them. My brain, which would typically run a mile a min, would trickle from a whisper to just silence- in his hugs. He was my safe space. Anywho, one day, he lashed out at me for talking about the HWSNBN situation, and my world shattered. Andy was the one person who would let me ramble on for as long as i needed to. The one person who would HEAR me. Would reassure/correct me - without judgment. I'm sure he was prolly sick of hearing my whining/bitching about the situation..but the way he snapped at me...my whole world broke. I felt silenced...by him.. And i never felt that from him before...What was left of this fragile heart, crumbled to pieces and I stopped talking. Walked away and never spoke a word to him again. Was his reaction justified? Prolly. Prolly not. Was mine rash? Prolly. Prolly not. Will we ever reconnect? Prolly not. Will i ever stop thinking of them? Prolly not. I lost a part of me..and i don't think i'll ever get that back. He may not have been my lover, but he was my person.

i picked up skating. Tried quads, and sucked mega donkey nuts at it. Switched to blades, this year, and I love it

went to Chicago to see Kaytranada

Got Steven (chunky tux)

went to comic con a few times, and had an alllll out cosplay as Rose Quartz

pink hair for nearly 2 years

got a scholarship for a writing program and is currently 3 days away from submitting for certification.

Daz it for now. Its 3:30am and ive written a random ass essay post to the void of tumblr...so..im back? lol

TBD

[pinkandpurple360]

Alternative ending - Loona and Blitz

Based on the animatic where Loona finds Blitzø on the couch dissociating, but this time she doesn’t project herself onto stolas. She doesn’t use guilt to tell her dad to go win back his abusers affection by acting as if it’s the same as adopting her.

Blitzø: I had a really shitty night. Followed Stolas to that anti Blitzø party, he called me a motherfucker in front of everybody, I tried to talk to him. But he just left and macked on some dude right in front of me. It’s all my fault. I fucked up. Maybe Verosika is right, maybe I should let go and stay far away from him forever, let him be happy. But why…why don’t I want to..maybe..I should..I don’t..

Loona: Yes and No.

Blitzø: What?

Loona: Yes, please for the love of fuck let this “relationship” end, but no, this isn’t about you being awful and making him all unhappy. All you ever care about is satisfying him. Blitzø, he’s the one who needs to stay away from YOU forever!

Blitzø: I know…Cause I fuck up everything and all I do is destroy—

Loona: No! Because look at yourself! Look how he’s made you feel! Again! You were doing so well before, going on missions, having fun with Millie, you and that prissy bow tie jerk are getting along better than ever. You’ve even got an old friend back. You’ve built this life for all of us, on the condition that you keep that nepo baby happy. I’m sick of this cycle, you get on a high-

Blitzø: No but—

Loona: —Then this clingy rich asshole makes you feel bad-ugh. You got up the other morning all loud, hyping yourself up, but you were so anxious, you left the office the other day sweating, he shouldnt make you feel that way-and okay maybe that was partially cause of what I said about him being bored of you. But—

Blitzø: No, no none of this is—

Loona: Thats only cause idiots like him have a short attention span. And now after doing better for so many months, the second you see him, you’re back on this damn couch again, you’re drunk, sad and miserable. This is JUST like your last “date” with the guy! Remember that, after Bees party? You said it was a shitty day then too. Now you’re doing it again?

Blitzø: Im sorry Loonie. I don’t want you to see me like this…

Loona: I don’t want to see you like this either. But it’s not all on you. Shit I’m tired of making excuses for this guy, he’s always hurting you, he’s always hurting Via, and then just sits back with people kissing his ass, telling him nothing is his fault and he’s a victim of everyone else. Well he’s really not! He’s the clingy obsessed one who calls you all the time!! Asking for ‘a special request’ or booty calls. You can’t see that? He’s trained you to expect it and act the same. I just…I’m scared…

Blitzø: Scared? You? Don’t be silly Loonie. I know he can…get a bit of a temper sometimes but—

Loona: Yeah. I know. I’ve seen it. He screams in your face, yanks on your cheek and calls us all “little critters” not to mention the time he blew up the office cause we didn’t babysit his brat for him.

Blitzø: I know..and I’m sorry about that Loonie, I’m sorry you had to run around to find Via. It was my fault.

Loona: No—I mean—thank you but-no it was actually my fault. I was a mega bitch that day. I haven’t gotten so angry in years I just-I’m sorry, I was seeing red and you were only trying to parent. You always stand by me. I let Via walk on by and didn’t even try to stop her. But the worst part is you took the fall for me and didn’t even realise you were doing it. That violent lunatic could’ve killed one of you if he felt like it. I’m scared because, I know what it’s like to have someone break your willpower into obeying them and being loyal to their orders. To…always depend on bringing them joy just so they keep you around.

Blitzø: Look he was just mad, he’s been through so much. He’s not the type to-he’d never-I provoked him with that phone call.

Loona: You didn’t though! This is what I mean! He has to be responsible for his own feelings and responses. You fixed HIS problem, he expected it of you, of us. It wasn’t octavias, or mine, or your fault, it was him, it was His actions. Yet everyone ELSE is apologising?? THIS, this right here is what scares me. He treats you like shit, bosses you around, all of us actually, and one second you seem to recognise that, and the next, you’re beating yourself up, and blaming yourself. He gets in your head, messes with you, then cries one single time and you fold. You gotta stop being such a people pleaser.

Blitzø: I deserve it.

Loona: Enough already. You don’t. Please, don’t answer his calls anymore. I’ll block his number. If he wants to play silent treatment and kiss your exes to get back at you for not kissing his ass, fine. Let him. This crystal here. It’s a blessing in disguise. I know deep down, he knows he’s bad for you, and he knows this is toxic, but he’s such a little bitch he’d rather blame you and let you blame yourself. People like him aren’t used to accountability or saying thank you. Especially after hurting imps or demanding services from them.

Blitzø: He really doesn’t like it when I talk about me being an imp…

Loona: Shows how much he does not care about what you go through. Speaking of thank you, he never did thank me for going out of my way for his kid like that, or thank the guys for saving his ass so many times, did he? Only Via and you thanked me.

Blitzø: he probably just forgot, he’s naive, sheltered! Maybe yknow-maybe he just doesn’t have very good self awareness at times? Or he-

Loona: Hes not that innocent. You can only be an asshole by accident so many times. I heard about how he treated Millie at that theme park. I bet he let that cowboy assassin steal him, he didn’t even sound that alarmed over the phone. “I think you should come save me” that’s what he said right? You and me take care of his kid, and the one time you told him you had to take care of yours, he needs you to run over? He was probably more pissed that you weren’t specifically the “knight in shining armour” than being kidnapped right? That’s what all of this is about? You not following his romcom shit on stage and being an actual person instead?

Blitzo: ……

Loona: Bingo. And this is the guy you’re crying over? Dad, you may be kinda sleazy—

Blitzø: Hey! Dont call me—

Loona: Really sleazy. But even you deserve better than this. Now shut up no more crying and we’ll watch your dumb pony show.

[blventing]

08/12/2022 1 am

TW: ED, Depression, Self Deprecation, Talk Of Going Back To Bad Toxic People

If you don't wanna see a vent here take a pretty gif and have a nice day.

Honest the only thing that makes my brain feel ok nowadays is using this language, mc, the very little drawing i do, marvel, watching movies/shows, and some people on twitch. Thats about it. It seems like a lot to some but its nothing to me. Even with those it doesnt get rid of the super lonely feeling. Even when im around the people i used to never feel alone around i feel alone now. I feel selfish cause it shouldnt all be about me...I know it shouldnt but at the same time its like its never about me. Its always about others. Always. Thats fucked up isnt? i shouldnt want things to be about me. I shouldnt feel like im alone just cause they arent pay attention to me for a dat or two. Thats fucked up. I shouldnt care this much. I should want to die just cause someone isnt near me. I feel like ive made these people my whole life....To be honest...I kinda did....Only cause without them im no one....Thats even more fucked isnt it? i cant vent to them...I cant tell anyone...Its not about me....Storm is the one we should be worried about. He is the one going through shit not us...So why do i feel so upset?...Why do i feel like this? im overthinking. Im working myself up. Im doing this on purpose arent i? i...I wanna tell him...I wanna tell him how upset i am...I wanna tell him how upset everthing thats happening makes me....But he wont understand. He wont not cause he hasnt gone through it but because he will say he is going through it. He will relate anything i say back to him...I dont want that...It just makes me feel like what i an feeling is nothing compared to his....Like im just overreacting...Sorry....I like typing like this...It makes me feel like no one will know what im saying. Like i dont have to worry about writing the wrong thing. Like no matter what i wont have someone snooping around in my things...Its nice to know i dont have to worry about something for once...I wanna go back to seric...He was so bad for us but i feel like i can vent to him...Like he will understand...Thats not a good thing....My stomach feel like shit...I dont know if thats cause we havent eaten for like most of the day or if we worked ourselves up and now our stomach is taking the punch...I hope its cause we havent eaten...