#but we have GOT to stop turning our brain off for everything we consume

[agirlking]

The Veilguard subreddit has not heard of critical thinking or expecting quality out of something you pay for. It is insane over there. "It's not bad at all! GoTY!" Holy shit.

Btw this post isn’t for anti Solavellan people. Stop blaming us for liking a ship and acting like that made DA4 what it is. BioWare has been on a downward spiral for a long time, the game was in development hell, and many people were fired. The fans mindlessly giving them money right now (who are NOT only Solavellans) are contributing to future issues by giving them a pass, but even they didn’t create these problems.

[miniy00ng1]

Die With A Smile

Five Hargreeves x Female!Reader

wc: 1447 (not proofread)

warnings: swearing, death, lmk if i missed anything!

find my masterlist here

hiii lovelies! i absolutely love the song die with a smile and felt it fit super well with tua, so this is the outcome. i actually had two separate ending ideas for this fic, so if you'd like me to release the alternate ending (it's a happy ending) lmk in the comments. as usual pls ignore any grammar errors and i hope you enjoy! thank you <3

-----------------------------------

The Hargreeves Siblings and their families are gathered in the broken down Umbrella Academy. After fighting the giant hybrid monster, Ben and Jennifer, that is consuming everything and everyone in its path, the siblings are trying to come up with a plan of action. 

Five, your husband, has disappeared back to the subway station where he spent several years trapped with you with little hope on finding a way back home. He left in hopes to find something that he might’ve overlooked, a solution to the cleanse. He left you behind to help care towards his injured siblings and in hopes that you could be the brains while he was gone. 

“How the hell do we beat a thing that keeps getting stronger and bigger everytime we try and fight it?” Diego asks in exasperation. The siblings pace the living area trying to figure out how to beat the monster. “It’s only a matter of time before it consumes everything and the world ends…again.” Viktor states matter-of-factly.

At this time, Five blinks into the living room and his eyes immediately finds yours–there’s a look in his eyes of realization and acceptance. You get off the couch and make your way to him, interlocking fingers and giving his hand a comforting squeeze.

“I went back to the subway station and had a very long and strange conversation with me…well multiple mes. But anyways, we are the reason why all of this is happening,” Five continues to explain to his siblings how they should have never existed but they do and that they have caused a shattered timeline. “That must’ve been what Ben was trying to show me back at the department store, he showed me the original timeline. He was trying to tell me that maybe, the cleanse isn’t a bad thing.” Viktor says, recalling the serene scene that was the original timeline. 

Five recaptures his siblings’ attention, “We have to let the Durango merge with the Cleanse. It’s the only way to fix the timeline…” “And what happens to us?” “We cease to exist.” Five replies to Diego’s question, leaving everyone in the room too stunned to speak.

“Absolutely not Five,” Your words come out shaky, “There’s got to be another way.” “Yeah! I’m with Y/N. It turns out, I don’t actually like dying all that much.” Klaus says agreeing with you. Five looks at you with hurt in his eyes, he would never willingly leave you but there’s no other way to save the world. “Y/N, I’ve been through every possible outcome, there’s nothing we can do to stop this. My siblings and I should’ve never existed in the first place. We don’t belong here, we never did.” Your eyes well up with tears, “But you guys do belong, you’re my family, you’re my love Five. If you’re not here, I don’t belong in the timeline either.” Five shakes his head at your words.

“What about our families Five? What happens to them if we cease to exist? Diego asks glancing towards to other room where his children reside. “I’m not sure.” Five says defeated while tightening his grip on your hand. The siblings look at each other unsure of what to do. Allison sits up from the couch, still clutching her stomach from her injuries, “What about that train station? Can you bring them there? Y/N could go with them and make sure they’re safe since she’s been to the station before.” Before Five can answer, Claire enters the room, rushing to her mom.

Five brings you to the side of the room for a little bit of privacy. No words are exchanged as he pulls you into his embrace, his face in the crook of your neck, holding you tight as if you would disappear from his arms. You feel your neck dampen, this is your breaking point. Tears stream down your cheeks as you push your face into Five’s chest, trying to get as close to him as possible. Sobs rack your body, you begin to hiccup as your breathing becomes uneven. 

Five tries to pull away to get you to breathe. You sob harder pulling him tighter, “Just hold me for a little while longer. Please Five, just hold me.” Five responds by cradling you in his arms, placing a gentle kiss on you head, “I’m so sorry Y/N. I love you so much. I wish there was another way.”

The Umbrella Academy is a mess of emotions as the siblings say goodbye to their loved ones and accept their fate. You stand with Claire and Lila and Diego’s family waiting for Five to blink you to the subway station. You wave to the siblings that you have grown to know and love so much. Five grabs your hand and blinks the group out of the house. 

“Okay everyone, follow me onto the train, we’re going on a little trip!” You try to put a fake smile on your face to ease the nerves of Diego and Lila’s children. You guide the group onto the train, ensuring that everyone got on before you. After stepping on you turn to face the train door, Five is standing there with a sad smile on his face. The only thing separating you two is a solid yellow line on the platform. The strange announcement that you’ve heard a number of times before goes off over the PA system. You’re heart begins to race, the doors are going to close any second now and this will be the last time you ever see Five. He continues to stare at you.

The doors begin to make noise, signalling that they’re going to close. Your eyes quickly glance between the closing doors and Five. Five’s eyes widen as he realizes what you’re about to do but it’s too late to stop you. Five instead catches you as you stumble into his arms, “What did you just do Y/N?” “I told you earlier Five, you’re my everything. Wherever you go, I’ll follow. If you’re not with me in the original timeline…what’s the point? The world is ending, I want to be next to you.”

Upon your return to the Umbrella Academy, the Hargreeves are shocked to say the least. “Are they safe? Did they make it?” Lila bombards you with questions. You nod in response and she wraps you in her arms, thanking you. “So…what do we do now? Should we say our favorite moments with each other?” Luther asks awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot as nerves surge through his body. Everybody shoots down Luther’s ideas and elects to just sit and wait. 

You and Five are seated on a couch, he holds you tight. He wouldn’t say it but he was scared shitless. You read him like a book and bring your lips to his ear, “It’ll be okay Love. I’m right here with you and I wouldn’t change my decision.” He turns his head to look at you and gives you a kiss that says everything he needs to. 

Suddenly, a shrill screech and crash can be heard outside the house. “You guys! I think he’s coming and I don’t think he’s happy.” Luther calls out while looking at the large monster approaching. Five grips your hand and stands up at the announcement. You and the Hargreeves move away from the window and form a circle on the other side of the living room. The monster hybrid’s tentacle-like appendages bust throught the glass window by the front door first. Then the window by the main stairway. In no time the tentacles were approaching the siblings from every angle.

“Relax and just let it do what it wants.” Five calls out to his siblings as the tentacles begin to reach their feet. Five looks at your intertwined hands and smiles, “I know I was a hardass, but I really do love you guys, as much as you do drive me crazy.” “Ew Five, I know we’re dying or whatever but don’t get all sappy on us now.” Lila says with fake disgust. “Thank you for letting me be in your crazy family. I love you guys so much.” You chime in, a tear slipping down your face. Lila reaches out to grab your left hand. Tears are now streaming down everyones faces as they hold hands with one another. The tentacles now enveloping up to their stomachs and climbing higher and higher.

You turn your head to look at Five and he mirrors your movements. It is now up to your chin and before you world goes dark, you’re able to make out Five’s final three words–said with a smile.

taglist:

@ohmyitsfaith @clairoscharm

[psiroller]

Stop Smoking, We Love You

I wrote a little thing based on @unkat's chilaios EMS AU, which has consumed my little pea brain. you don't need a whole lot of context though. 1k words, cw mentions of medical trauma, smoking, drugs. title comes from the car seat headrest song which makes me misty eyed thinking about my stupid boys.

Chilchuck relished the icy cold breeze on his sweaty face as he burst out into the rear parking lot of the hospital, the one for the employees that visitors still park in. He patted himself down until the sharp corner of a fresh pack of Newports hit his palm, and he remembered he’d been trying to use the inside pockets after he’d accidentally dropped a pack during a call and wasted thirteen bucks and tax before he’d even opened the damn thing. He was fortunate enough to have remembered his lighter, too; Senshi’s visiting family this weekend and he has no one else to bum a light from. He’d gotten in trouble the last time he asked a patient out of desperation.

He flicked his zippo and lit it in one smooth motion, a party trick that had long worn out its novelty and was just about to put it to the menthol-cool cigarette between his lips when two large hands entered his vision. One clapped the zippo shut and the other pinched the cig by the filter, tugging both out of Chilchuck’s grip.

“Yoink.”

“You mother fucker—”

Laios laughed as Chilchuck lunged after the precious nicotine clutched in his big hands, held just out of reach.

“This doesn’t look like twenty feet to me,” Laios grinned.

“I was going to hold it in until I reached the grass, fuck off, alright?”

“Then you won’t mind if I walk with you?”

Laios returned what he’d taken, and Chilchuck snatched it back. “Fine, fine, whatever. Come freeze your ass off with me.”

They crossed the parking lot, stepping carefully across black ice and hopping the curb to stand in the grass, a foot beyond the premises. Chilchuck made pointed eye contact with Laios as he stuck the cigarette between his lips and flicked the lighter open and shut, taking a long drag. He debated breathing it in Laios’ face, but decided to turn away. He blew a thin plume of smoke that caught on the brisk wind and whipped away. “Happy?”

“Not exactly,” Laios admitted. “You shouldn’t smoke, Chil.”

Chilchuck scowled. “Oh, here we go… listen, it’s my right to poison my body however I want. Just look at our patients.”

Laios fought a grim laugh and failed. “Hey, you asked.”

“What’s it matter to you anyway?” Chilchuck asked, slurred around the filter. He took another long drag and tapped out the ash into the frozen grass.

“As a medical professional, I prefer not to watch people die.”

Chilchuck released the smoke through his nose, rolling his eyes. “Preference doesn’t matter much to us, does it?”

“I guess not.”

Another long drag. He’d somehow blasted half the cigarette already. “You sound like my youngest,” Chilchuck breathed, with a fondly exasperated smile. Laios shifted around, his cheeks going pink in the cold. “She’s in the middle of some kind of health course and it’s got her all freaked out. ‘Daddy, don’t smoke those, they’ve got rat poison in ‘em!’” Chilchuck said, affecting a raspy falsetto. “It was kinda cute, but she was pretty upset,” he sighed. “She was crying. Must be a pretty heavy-handed program.”

“I had that growing up,” Laios said. "They had a cop come in and everything. Showed us pictures of tracheotomies.”

“Is that what they’re doing?” Chilchuck hissed. “She’s nine! She’s too young for that shit. I’m gonna complain to the PTA.”

“Hey, it kept me off. Do you want her on it?”

Chilchuck’s mouth drew into a long, thin line. “I guess not.”

They stood there, Chilchuck smoking, Laios doing fuck all with his hands in his pockets. Chilchuck wondered why he was out here at all if he hated cigarettes and smoking so much. It was biting cold, blustery, damp. It was a holiday weekend and there was only a matter of time before they got another Narcan call, he could be catching a nap before rush hour, but he was here.

“Does it help?” Laios asked. “With the stress, I mean.”

“Gives me an excuse to step out,” Chilchuck shrugged. “Gives me something to look forward to. Gives me a reason to breathe in and out for a few minutes that isn’t that dippy yoga shit.”

“Have you ever done it? That dippy yoga shit?”

“Hell no.”

“You want to try it? I can show you a few poses.”

Chilchuck choked on smoke, something he hadn’t done in twenty years. “You? Yoga?” The ass definition suddenly made a lot of sense.

“I don’t take classes, but you can learn a lot from YouTube videos.”

“Hm.” It had been the class aspect that turned him off the most. It felt somehow more embarrassing than just rocking up to the gym at three in the morning and dissociating on the treadmill for a few hours. “I’ll think about it.”

“I think it’d be fun,” Laios said, and Chilchuck almost believed him. “And it’s helped me, you know. After rough calls.”

Chilchuck sucked down the last of his cigarette and blew it upwards, a brief break in the wind allowing it to coil in upon itself in midair, minute particles glittering in the warm, flickering glow of the light post and simmering down in his lungs. He leaned down to smash the smoldering filter into the curb, putting the butt in his junk pocket to avoid being further nagged.

“Alright,” Chilchuck relented. “Why the hell not?”

Laios beamed at him. Chilchuck could think of a thousand reasons against meeting up with his boss to do anything that didn’t involve getting a beer, but looking at that self-satisfied grin gave him one very good reason in his favor. “It’s a date.”

“No it’s not!” Chilchuck squawked. Laios skipped away. Skipped. “It’s not a date, Laios!”

“See you then!”

“Nice HR violation!” Chilchuck screamed. “Mother fucker.” He muttered to himself, tapping his pack angrily against his palm and flipping up a lid for one more, just to spite him, and looked down at the neat rows of little paper cylinders, pristine and fresh.

Chilchuck crammed the box back into his pocket and trudged inside.  

[jadoue1999]

The monsters in the shadows part 2

Part 1 Part 2

Note: Here is part two of my Fae Steve and Vampire Eddie story, I hope you enjoyed the story!

***

They walk in silence and Kas refuses to talk. Because he’s not safe or saved, he’s being led to his execution.

He doesn’t know how he knows but he is certain that Harrington is not going to let him walk free, he’s got to have some ulterior motives to make this deal. Speaking of his new captor, he’s walking without a care, determined, yes, but he’s not stressed or scared. Kas thought that the vines or the creatures would at least try to attack him, but it seems that even they can’t do anything to stop the fae. That’s when he realizes that it’s all on him. If he can take out Harrington, maybe Creel will forgive him. Maybe not, but he has to try.

He takes a few steps quicker than the rest and tries not to bring attention to himself. Then he brings a clawed hand to Harrington’s neck and watches in anticipation. He wants to see the blood flow. He wants to see Harrington writhe on the ground in pain, he wants to see him scared, he wants to see him lose.

Except his hand never makes contact.

It’s like there’s an invisible wall between the two of them. He tries again quicker this time, stronger, but he really can’t do anything. Eventually, Harrington notices his efforts and he turns to him.

“Are you done?”

That takes him off guard because if he knew he was trying to hurt him why didn’t he try to stop him? “What?”

The brunette rolls his eyes. “You’re not going to be able to hurt me.”

“Why?”

“Because you gave me your name,” explains the teen.” That means I have power over you, that means you can’t actually hurt me.”

Kas feels his heart dropping in his chest, and disbelief fills his core, and Harrington simply stares at him. “But our fight— you cheated.”

Steve smirks at him. “I never said it was a fair fight. “

Everything starts coming together, and his brain is horrified at the picture it presents. “So, from the moment I told you my name—”

“You were mine,” completes the teen.

A strange mix of emotions feels his body, he feels betrayed, he feels horrified, but most of all, he feels disgusted. “You— you won that fight before it even started.”

“I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to defeat Vecna,” confesses the brunette. “But I sure as hell wasn’t going to leave without you.”

Kas frowns. “Me?”

The teen shrugs. “Yeah, the kids all miss you, I miss you. We all thought you were dead.”

“I am not Eddie,” he snarls in frustration.

The other guy stares at him for a moment, and Kas feels minuscule under his gaze. “Maybe not,” eventually agrees Steve. “But I’m not going to let you rot in this place forever.”

Kas glares at him. “So what? I’ll rot in your house instead? Stuck being your prisoner forever?”

Harrington stares back with eyes cold and unwavering. “If that’s what it takes.”

Then the fae turns back and starts walking again. Kas can only stare daggers at his back as he follows reluctantly. He is too consumed by anger to even think about running away, and he doesn’t think it would work even if he tried. He hates this, he hates being cornered, and he hates that he can feel the threads that bind him to Harrington. They’re replacing those previously created by Creel that Kas hadn’t realized even existed before the switch. As they continue walking, it takes him far too long to realize that they’re not heading towards any of the main gates.

“Where are we going?”

Harrington doesn’t even grace him with a look. “Home.”

Kas rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you said that before, but there’s no gates in that direction. I would know.”

“Not one Creel created,” ominously answers the brunette.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Steve sighs in annoyance and for the first time since this mess started, he sounds like his old self again. “It means that this place is much older than Creel, so there are cracks in other places. My house is one of them.”

“Why?”

He sees him clench his hand in annoyance. “Because cracks tend to form wherever Others live, it’s how we visit home.”

There’s so many things going through his head, so many questions, and most of all— confusion. And that’s saying something considering he died and was brought back to life by a mutated former child experiment. “‘Others’? What?”

“That’s what we call ourselves. We’re not human, or animals, so we’re Others,” the teen explains too casually for the subject matter. “And this here, the ‘Upside Down’ as the kids call it, is where we live.”

“And yet I’ve never seen any of you.”

Kas doesn’t miss how Harrington tenses at that. It’s obviously a touchy subject. “Yeah, because Creel took over and corrupted the whole place. The vines, the creatures— that’s not what this place usually looks like. Everyone fled instead of fighting, it’s easier to simply wait until he’s gone.”

“Why not just kill him?” He didn’t exactly want his old master to die, but murder wasn’t all that hard right? After all, Steve had threatened him just before leaving.

“I can’t,” he bitterly answered. “Because this place is technically his for now, and no Other can intrude without first being allowed in. Doing that means war.”

“But you’ve been trying to kill him for years and you’ve been here what, three times? You had no problem.”

Harrington laughs, and while he can feel it’s genuine, it still feels wrong. “Trust me, I tried to stay on the bench when the kids dragged me into the tunnels, but I was assigned as their protector, so I got a pass. Then, I knew we had to find the gate in the lake and that we’d need to investigate, that’s why I let that vine drag me through it. It gave me permission to explore. And for when we actually attacked him well… Robin and I made a deal, wherever she goes, I protect her, so as long as I follow her, I don’t intrude.”

It’s scary, how airtight his strategies are, how many loopholes he had jumped through to be able to protect. However, something wasn’t adding up. “But you came here today, isn’t that intruding?”

Harrington smirks. “Sure, but war is already upon us— well, was. He could have killed me if he wanted to, that’s why I made the deal.”

“To save yourself?” He asks although he doesn’t remember the teen including himself in that deal.

“To make him scared,” he replies, eyes glinting unnaturally in the red lightning strikes around them. “There’s power in being feared. But Creel also knew that breaking the deal in any way would give me the permission to attack him.”

Kas hates how thought out everything is. Harrington is supposed to be stupid, that was his reputation in high school; a pretty face with not much brain. Was that all a facade? Speaking of facade…

“Why do you look different?”

Steve quickly glances at him. “Because you’re not human anymore, the illusion isn’t as effective on non-human creatures.”

“Can you even bleed?” It’s a stupid question, because Eddie has seen him bleed before, but he has to make sure. He wants to know if he would have had any chance at winning that duel if he hadn’t given his name.

“Too often,” snorts the teen. He extends a clawed hand and pierces his skin. It’s a small cut, barely bigger than half an inch. “See?”

And yes, Harrington does indeed bleed, but Kas watches the small drop of blood, transfixed by its strangeness. “It’s silver.”

“Yup.”

“But I’ve seen you bleed red,” he points out. “Was that an illusion too?”

The teen lowers his arm and smiles at him. “See? Now you’re getting it!”

They continue walking and Kas slowly starts to recognize the place. Eddie had gone to Loch Nora a few times during Harrington’s party years; drunk kids always paid more than sober ones. The imposing Harrington house slowly appears on the horizon in a sort of twisted reversal of their earlier roles. The brunette brings him to the edge of the woods, where he can feel the ghost of the crack in the empty pool. Steve doesn’t bring them there though; he stops next to the only tree on his property. It’s just as he expects from anything in this place; dead and twisted, but the trunk slightly straightens up when Harrington gets close. Small silver and gold leaves sprout, just big enough for him to notice the sudden growth, and then the teen extends his hands toward him.

“Grab my hand, it won’t let you through if you don’t.”

It might be a trick, but Kas doubts it, so he takes the offered hand. Going through this gate is nothing like going through Creel’s. Creel’s gates are violent, they press on the mind seemingly determined to break it, but this one makes him feel like he’s falling on the softest cloud. It observes everything he is and promises in the most tempting voice that he can be so much more. He’s tempted to give in. But hands suddenly grab him and pull him out of that place, and Kas is left to stare at Harrington in confusion.

“It’s meant to be soothing,” Steve explains. “It’s easier to keep someone if they don’t fight back.”

The teen only lets him grasp the horrific truth for a few seconds before telling him to follow him. It’s only then that he notices that they’re in Hawkins, the real one. There are lights coming from the big house in front of them and Kas can hear the voices of Eddie’s old party. Dread suddenly fills him when he realizes that he’s really going to see the gang again, and they will get to see him for what exactly he’s become. Would Creel be able to take him back if he took care of the party himself?

“Stay here, wait until I tell you to come.”

That’s an order, and Kas knows he can’t disobey, he can quite literally feel it in his body. He watches Harrington enter his house and hears the kids questioning why they’re there. Henderson in particular sounds very annoyed; Robin had mentioned that the teen didn’t get out of the house. Steve is trying to prepare them, but they don’t seem to be very willing to hear him out, it seems like Eddie’s loss really did weigh on the group. Buckley is pitching in every once in a while, but it doesn’t do much. The kids are mad, and as much as Steve is trying to make them understand that he is trying to fix things, they keep reminding him of how much he failed them. It’s funny, really, for as in control as Harrington was back there, he’s got no powers with the brats.

“I swear to you guys, I just want to help!” pleads the fae.

Someone snorts, it’s Dustin. “What? Like you helped Eddie?”

There’s a pregnant pause, and even Kas is surprised that the kid went this far. Harrington sighs, defeat apparent in his voice, and then he hears him stepping closer. His head pops out of the backdoor, and Kas meets his eyes, he knows he’s heard everything, and Steve looks as human as ever.

“You can come in,” he says without the pride he had just moments ago.

Kas doesn’t even think about disobeying him, and honestly, he kinda feels bad for the guy. There’s still the lust to kill, but he’s ready to wait for the right moment and play his cards right. Or maybe he should try to attack them before Harrington can order him to stay put? He steps inside and instantly feels his fury melt into a dull hatred as he’s met with many pairs of eyes opened wide in disbelief. There’s the kids of course, but there’s also Nancy, and Jonathan and he doesn’t know how to act. A part of him he had buried along with Eddie is excited and relieved to see everyone and Kas despises it.

“Eddie?” Says the quiet voice of Dustin.

The boy looks vulnerable. His eyes are tired and sad and desperate and Kas grins. If he can lure him into a false sense of security, if he can make Harrington think that he’s going for a hug, maybe he can start the bloodshed. Maybe he can spill the blood that allows Creel to attack Hawkins and burn it once and for all… So as the kid gets up from his seat and ignores Harrington’s warning to be careful, he stays still and smiles. He smiles like Eddie used to. Kas wraps his arms around the curly haired boy and lets him take comfort in the embrace for a moment. The kid sobs into his shoulder and his neck is so close. Steve is on his opposite side, strategically blocked from view so he opens his mouth, fangs ready to tear Henderson’s throat out—

“Don’t move,” hisses Harrington, suddenly on the opposite side; he hadn’t even heard him move. He holds his arm in a vice grip and Kas can do nothing but obey. “You cannot attack anyone in this room, no one gets hurt directly or indirectly. Am I clear?”

“Yes,” he grits through his teeth.

Henderson is extracted from their embrace and his eyes are wide in horror. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that he could have hurt him, and Kas had been betting on exactly that. He clenches his jaw as the group stares at him in horror and disbelief. He wants nothing more than to paint the walls red, but he can’t even move his feet.

“Steve, what did you do?” Asks Nancy, her previous shock now replaced with anger.

Kas is surprised to see Harrington look unsure, but he supposes that he’s always been that way with his ex, according to Eddie’s memories. “I got Eddie back— well Kas. But Eddie’s in there somewhere.”

“He is no—” he starts, but Harrington shushes him, and his next words die on his lips. Anger burns in his veins, and he swears that he’s going to make him pay. He may not be able to hurt the guy, but he was going to make sure to be as much of a nuisance as possible.

“El, do you think you could fix whatever Creel did to him?”

It’s only at that moment that Kas realizes that the girl— Eleven— the enemy is standing in this very room. He should have focused on her first. She looks determined and her eyes are locked onto his. She seems to reach into his soul in a similar way that Harrington had before she nods. “I think I can.”

The brunette seems satisfied. “Can you do it now?”

There’s a look shared between the two and he can’t help but think that the girl can probably sense that Steve isn’t entirely human. “Yes.”

“Guys!” Yells Jonathan, momentarily breaking the tension. “Can someone please explain what’s happening?”

It’s at that moment that Kas knows he has to speak up. Steve shushed him earlier with the intention of him staying quiet until told otherwise, but he hadn’t mentioned it had he? It was time for him to exploit this loophole.

“Steve Harrington is a fae,” he says with a grin. He stares at each person in the room before continuing. “He’s been lying to you this whole time.”

He can feel Harrington’s eyes on him, and it seems for a moment that he’s going to rip him apart but Mike speaks up before he can.

“What?” It’s a simple reaction, and there’s honestly not many other reactions that fit at the moment.

“Come on, you don’t know what a fae is?” Admonishes Dustin. “It was one of our enemies during Will’s campaign!”

Mike scoffs. “Yeah, obviously I know what a fae is.” The kid points at the teen who seems pissed that his secret got out. “But why the hell is he saying that Steve’s one of them?”

“Steve?” Questions Nancy and the guy’s resolve melt in seconds.

He sighs deeply and passes his hand through his hair. “I wasn’t going to tell you, but it was the only way I could get him out.”

This time, it’s Jonathan who speaks up. The guy seems distrustful at the very least. “So you are..?”

Harrington nods. “A fae.”

“Since the beginning?” Lucas sounds as impressed as he sounds betrayed.

“Born that way.”

Kas delights in the way that the brunette shuffles uncomfortably. So much for being done keeping up appearances.

“You can control Eddie,” remarks Will, and Kas clenches his jaw at the old name. “How?”

Here comes the difficult part, let’s see how Harrington handles it. “He gave me his name.”

There’s a sudden tension in the air and all the brats straighten up. It’s great to know that everyone knew what giving their name to a fae meant but him.

“So, he’s yours?” Asks Lucas with a noticeable fear in his voice. He gulps loudly when his question is confirmed by Steve’s nod.

“But…” starts Dustin, brow furrowed in worry and confusion. “We all gave you our names!”

“No, you didn’t,” quickly denies Steve as the panic in the room grows. “I knew them before I met you and I never asked for them. You’re all safe, don’t worry.”

“Not with Vecna hanging over our heads,” snarks Mike.

Harrington seems to hesitate to answer, but he shares a look with Robin and it’s enough to motivate him. “He’s not going to be a problem anymore. I made a deal with him.”

“A deal?” Nancy sounds unimpressed and he has to wonder if she knows what it means to make a deal with a fae.

Steve nods. “I fought against Creel’s champion, if I won, he’d stop trying to take over the world. And I won that fight.”

“Who was his champion?”

Kas glares at Will, who asked the question and the boy recoils in fear, but the party seems to understand the implications. They understand that he’s Creel’s champion and that the mark on his face is Steve’s doing.

“And he won’t break the deal?” Questions the older Byers. Apparently, he didn’t get the whole shtick when it came to making a deal with a creature like that either.

Steve chuckles lightly. “He’s not that stupid.”

The group falls quiet once more, but Kas decides that his captor shouldn’t get off that easily. “Ask him to show you what he really looks like.”

“Shut up,” finally snaps the teen, and Kas complies with a smile. The damage is already done and he’s going to watch the fallout with great satisfaction.

Everyone looks confused, everyone but Robin. He’s not surprised that she knows. It’s Nancy who speaks first, ever the leader that she is. “What does he mean?”

“It’s nothing,” dismisses the brunette but it’s obvious that it’s not convincing anyone. Harrington is clearly looking for some kind of excuse that would put their worries to rest, but it quickly becomes clear that only the truth will do that. So, Steve sighs. “This isn’t what I normally look like.”

He struggles to find his next words and Kas simply observes his blackened fingers with a barely concealed smile. Harrington might have thought that he had won by having his name, but he was not prepared for what it meant. Because Kas might not be Eddie anymore, but he still knows how to be insufferable.

“Can we see?” Mike asks and for the first time since this started, he doesn’t sound like he wants to insult Steve.

The teenager presses his lips together, hesitant but he nods, nonetheless. Unlike the instant change when they made the deal or when Steve finally revealed himself, this one is gradual. The teeth lengthen first, and then his eyes get bigger, and his pupils are nothing but slits. His eyes shimmer unnaturally in the artificial light of his home. The ears are next, their pointy corners peak out of his hair. Harrington gains a few inches in height and his limbs lengthen just as his fingers grow thinner and his nails sharpen.

Then he stands there and waits.

He’s nervous, Kas realizes. Even in his true form, Steve doesn’t look as proud as he did when he had faced Creel. There’s a twitch in his fingers that shows just how scared he is of being rejected and Kas delights in his suffering. It’s like seeing King Steve fall all over again. The party tries to hide their reactions as best as they can, but it’s obvious that Nancy is reaching for a weapon that isn’t there.

“Steve,” says Robin after a few seconds of stunned silence.

He looks at her and the girl gives him a shrug. Kas has no idea what it’s supposed to mean but Harrington seems to understand. He takes off his shirt, and Kas narrows his eyes when he realizes that the bite marks on his stomach are gone too. But he has a feeling that the brunette isn’t taking off his shirt just to show off. Sure enough, Steve rolls his shoulders and Kas watches with wide eyes as wings sprout from his back. This reveal seems to go over the group better than his real face, which Harrington seems to notice as well. In a blink, his face is back to the more human looking one while the wings stay out in the open. Kas remembers some of the drawings Eddie had seen that depicted faes, of how peculiar their wings were usually drawn. The wings in front of him are not like those of a butterfly or a dragonfly, but more like a mix of the two. While Steve’s real face looks uncanny, his wings are beautiful. They’re iridescent and the light reflects on them as if they’re made up of multiple panels of stained glass.

The kids stay quiet for a moment before Dustin speaks up. “Are they… real?”

Harrington rolls his eyes in annoyance but there’s an unmistakable hint of relief on his face. “Henderson, you literally just saw them sprout from my back, and you still think they’re fake?”

“I know, but it’s crazy!” The others seem to agree, but no one dares to speak up yet. Kas knows it’s only a matter of time before they do though.

“Watch the wings,” Steve warns as Dustin’s hand gets dangerously close. “They’re not done healing yet.”

“Healing?” frowns the kid.

“Yeah, I got dragged on my back in the Upside Down, they got torn.”

His explanation only seems to confuse them more. “But all your other injuries are gone! And how did they even get torn if they were hidden all the time?”

“I tried to fly away when I got to the other side, but the vines didn’t let up. I didn’t have time to hide them again.”

“They were treated,” remarks Lucas with a frown. His hand brushes the wings until he touches where it’s sprouting from his back. “You couldn’t have reached all the way there. You had help.”

Kas narrows his eyes at the deduction. He hadn’t noticed at first but now that it’s pointed out, he does see tiny rips and half healed cuts.

“From who?” wonders Mike. “Your parents?”

Harrington chuckles bitterly. “No, my parents wouldn’t do that.”

“I did,” says Robin.

He’s not surprised that she knows, but the others sure are. They keep looking at one and then the other and no one knows what to say to whom. Kas on the other hand, only just realizes that he owes his defeat to Buckley. Harrington hadn’t tried to get him out before because he hadn’t known that he existed; until he had cornered and threatened Robin. If Harrington is the weapon forged through the honor of the fight, Robin is the poisoned blade that strikes between the ribs when you think you’ve won. Easier to conceal, but just as deadly.

When she meets his gaze, her eyes glint unnaturally in the light. She’s not quite fae but she’s definitely not human.

What is she?

His frustration is momentarily broken by Jonathan’s exasperated sigh. “Do you guys keep any secrets from each other?”

The pair share a look before shrugging. “No,” replies the girl. “You’d be surprised at how much we know about each other.”

There’s a shared understanding between them and Kas somehow knows that they’re not just talking about Harrington here. There’s a few more questions that he doesn’t care enough to listen to until Steve has suddenly put away his wings and stares straight at him.

“You guys keep your questions,” he says, interrupting whatever Lucas was in the middle of saying. “We just have to take care of him first.”

The fact that he knows Harrington isn’t about to kill him doesn’t reassure him in the slightest, because technically, they are going to kill him. They don’t want Kas, they want Eddie. Eleven swiftly walks next to Steve and the brunette orders him to get up and follow him, and he complies through gritted teeth. The teen brings him to a bedroom that’s covered with a godawful amount of plaid and while there isn’t much to indicate whose bedroom it is, Kas would be ready to bet his name all over again that it’s Steve’s bedroom.

Harrington pulls out a chair and gestures to it. “Sit down, don’t move, let Eleven do her thing.”

Three simple orders.

Three orders that mark his execution.

Kas wants to snarl, he wants to lash out to defend himself, and rip apart the entire party that has been destroying Creel’s plans for years, but he can’t move. So, he’s stuck glaring at the two people who represent judge, jury, and executioner.

The girl turns to Steve, her eyes fierce. “Are you sure Henry will not attack?”

The brunette’s eyes soften the way it always does for one of his kids. “Yeah, I’m sure. he’s basically signing his own death penalty if he breaks the deal.”

Eleven doesn’t say anything and Kas is sure her sad eyes would have moved Eddie, but he doesn’t care. It does grab Harrington’s attention though.

“Why? You wanted a war?”

Her eyes go wide in shock. “No. But I am afraid that he might find a way to attack.”

He wraps an arm around her shoulder and gives her a side hug. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t. I’m giving you my word, that’s unbreakable. Can you feel it?”

Eleven closes her eyes and so does Kas, he doesn’t feel it as strong as the bonds tying him to the fae, but he does feel it. The bond of an unbreakable promise. He opens his eyes just as the girl does too.

“I do,” she says with a bright smile. She finally leans into the embrace and Steve smiles brightly. “Thank you.”

“You deserve everything nice, El.”

The moment lasts for a few more seconds before it breaks. Suddenly, both of their focus is on him again and he feels so very small. He feels angry, yes, but he feels impossibly vulnerable too. Harrington stands behind Eleven as she approaches him, a silent guard to make sure nothing goes wrong. His face is half shrouded in the shadows and he can see the way his eyes glow like two burning stars. He’d be scared if he wasn’t already terrified.

Eleven puts her hands on either side of his head and everything goes black.

***

When he wakes up, he’s lying on a bed. The light is barely filtering through the curtains so it’s either very early in the morning or late in the afternoon. He feels… weak, human. Everything is fuzzier, details are less defined, and most importantly, he doesn’t feel the hive mind anymore. There’s a dresser to his left and he quickly gets out of the bed to examine his reflection in the mirror.

He looks human.

His eyes aren’t scarlet red, and his skin isn’t as pale as it used to be. He’s still pale, sure, but he doesn’t look like a corpse. His fingers aren’t black, and his teeth are dull without a single trace of his fangs. He doesn’t know how to feel about being Eddie again, does he even want that? He’s back in a town that hates him and wants nothing more than to see him dead all over again. Can he face that again?

“Welcome back,” says a voice from the shadows.

Eddie whips his head around to see Harrington standing in the corner of his room. Has he been there the whole time? He looks… normal. Normal enough that he could fool himself into thinking that he dreamed up the fact that Steve was a fae. But even without being able to see through the illusion, he knows something is off about him. It’s in the way he stands, the way he’s looking at him as though he can read his mind, hell maybe he can since he’s technically his.

“You look normal.”

The brunette chuckles and extracts himself from the shadows. “That’s what happens when you’re human.”

Eddie presses his lips tightly and lets the silence stretch between them. It takes a few seconds to realize that the entire house is silent. “Is everyone gone?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “You were unconscious for a few hours. I told them to go get some rest and I’d update them on your situation whenever I could.”

The words sound nice, caring even, but he can read between the lines. “You were guarding me. In case whatever Eleven did didn’t work.”

Harrington looks sheepish for a moment. “Doesn’t matter, you’re back.”

He nods, but it doesn’t feel like a victory. He remembers the rage he felt toward the group, how he was ready to kill them without remorse. He had nearly attacked Henderson for god’s sake! How was the kid ever going to trust him again? And now that Harrington had his name, could he even leave the house? Would the fae ever let him leave town? What about Wayne? He’s sure the gang told him that he was dead. How could he possibly explain his sudden resurrection without revealing the Upside Down to his uncle?

“Are you okay?” Suddenly asks Steve. He looks worried.

Eddie goes to sit on the bed and the other teen joins him, his eyes never leaving him. He shuts his eyes and sighs deeply. “What happens now?”

The brunette seems taken aback by his question but tries nonetheless to answer. “Well, we could say we found you stuck somewhere and barely surviving. Hopper, who is alive by the way, already cleared your name. Sure, most people don’t believe it but most people are gone anyway. We can contact your uncle and—”

“I mean us,” he interrupts. He’d be delighted in the way Harrington suddenly blushes if he wasn’t so damn scared. “You have my name. What happens now?”

“I don’t have your name.”

He frowns, almost offended at how he dismisses his concerns. “Don’t bullshit me, man. The whole reason I’m here is because I gave you my name.”

Steve grabs his hands to stop them from trembling. “Kas gave me his name. You didn’t.”

“What?”

Eddie’s eyes are wide, and he stares at the brunette in confusion as he answers. “You were very adamant about being two different people. And it’s true. You were a different person, and that person gave me his name, but Eddie Munson didn’t.”

He blinks at him, momentarily speechless. It takes a few seconds for him to manage to form words again. “Did you know that all along?”

“Yes,” smiles Harrington. “But I didn’t know if it was actually going to work, but when Robin told me you didn’t use Eddie anymore, I knew what I had to try.”

His chest feels warm at the thought that someone would do that for him. “You opened a whole can of worms, that’s for sure, but I’m still glad you did it. Especially before I managed to kill anyone in the group.”

Steve laughs, but he can see that there’s something on his mind. He’s worried, uncertain even. “So, you’re not too freaked out? The others are…” He trails off for a moment, his eyes dulling in sadness. “Well, it’ll take a moment for them to get used to it. Especially Nancy and Jonathan, but I can’t say I’m surprised.”

Eddie can only sympathize with him, being the freak was never fun, especially when the resentment came from friends. “I wasn’t scared when you ripped a bat apart with your bare hands, you think finding out you’re not human is going to push me away? No way. You’re going to get sick of all of my questions before I get tired of you.”

Harrington blushes, and he’s reminded of the way the teen had reacted in a similar fashion during their talk in the Upside Down. Back when he had realized that his jealousy might have more layers than just plain old rivalry. That talk had felt liberating, but also terrifying. It wasn’t the first time he’d had a crush on a guy, but why had his heart chosen Harrington out of everyone? He’d nearly told Steve before he had left to kill Vecna, but he had chickened out because that’s all he knew what to do. Well, until he’d sacrificed himself.

The brunette eventually breaks the silence, and it seems like he’d been thinking along the same lines as him. “Now, for as arrogant as Kas was, he did mention that you also had feelings, even if we were both too cowardly to confess.” Steve grins with the charming smile he’d seen him use on girls for years. It’s a travesty that it’s working on him too. “Maybe we can talk about that?”

The teen is looking at him with hopeful eyes and Eddie has a few seconds to decide if he lets himself actually give in or deny his feelings. If he dismisses Kas’ claim as taunting, he’d have to go back to playful flirting and trying to push him toward his ex because he’s scared of what would happen if he actually made a move on Harrington. But he has the perfect opportunity right now. And hell, with everything that’s happened, he’ll be damned if he wastes it again.

Despite the voice in his head telling him that it’s never going to work out between the two of them, he smiles at Steve. “I’d like that.”

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

Too Tired to be Woke

I happened to invent this line in the midst of discussing bad behavior within one of my own friend groups and having to decide what to do about it, and it really seems worth investigating.

There are two objectives to any movement, good or bad: Recruit, and Defeat.

This understanding is important when you’re dealing with, say, fascist American youths who happen to be snappy dressers. A lot of folks who consider themselves “left” and “allies” will assume the goal is to Recruit these snappy dressers. It Ain’t. Those are still fascists, and the objective is to stop them from getting shit done, push our own shit through despite them, and deal with the possibility of them achieving actualization or whateverthefuck once other people are safe. From Them.

Anyway. Got off-topic.

The concept of “too tired to be woke” comes up a lot in critiques of shows and media. The complaints come from fans who miss the good ol’ days of “turn off your brain” style TV, perhaps even trotting out such tired phrases as “when men were men!”

And there is a balance to be struck. Writing affecting badass moments into media that isn’t mindless support for patriarchy can be more difficult, and writing involves many spinning plates so it is unfortunately possible to drop a “writing an interesting scene” or “avoiding a bad plot hole” plate when you make the effort to spin the “don’t make your story endorse bigotry.”

But that last plate is worth spinning anyway. Like, everything you add to or leave out of a scene is a choice with costs and benefits. If you’re an agile, clever writer you can write a scene that succeeds on several layers at once. Many a grand video essay has been written on scenes that succeed on several levels. If you can’t write a story without huge bad plot holes that has interesting scenes and doesn’t endorse bigotry...I’m not going to say you shouldn’t be a writer, tbh, I’m just going to say that personally I’d rather you left in the gaping plot holes if that’s what it takes.

This is all complicated by the twin facts that a) some of the shows catching flak for trying too hard to appeal to a diversity-loving audience are legitimately bad, and b) a lot - and I mean a lot - of the people leveling these complaints aren’t being honest (sometimes even with themselves) about what’s making them angry about the media. Plenty of them would have liked She-ra just fine gender-swapped. It’s funny, it’s got good action, starting the hero off as a gaslit member of the baddies is a cool trope, and the dynamics between the protagonist and antagonist(s) are fun.

Many men - and again, they’d be insulted to hear this, because they haven’t admitted this even to themselves - are upset by media that treats women as real people with their own agency. They find scenes that pass the Bechdel Test superfluous (because “nothing even happens in this scene”).

Beyond even that is the fact that a lot of the shitty stuff that made its way into older media is now part of a memory that may be attached to a happier time in your life. Does Jim-Bob actually bemoan the loss of scenes where women get literally objectified by hypno-rays because it’s a personal fetish, because he truly thinks avoiding mind control plotlines is somehow bad writing, or just because the stories that had it were the ones he consumed back when his life was simple and happy and he didn’t have a shit job?

And to make that first bit of this post less of a worthless tangent... We don’t necessarily need to win over Jim-Bob with every cartoon. If you’re writing kid’s media, maybe don’t worry about how well it satisfies the needs of a thirtysomething. In that case it’s less about him being “defeated” so much as “worked around.” But the principle’s the same. With the energy one might spend appeasing the Jim-Bobs of the internet you could just make a better cartoon that is more fun, even if Jim-Bob never enjoys it.

[unhingedwomandiaries]

I'm sitting in a room full of people, and we're talking about after-school snacks. This is apparently what passes for adult conversation now. It's like we're all stuck in some bizarre time warp where the pinnacle of human interaction is discussing what we used to eat at 3 PM when we were 14.

The British people in the room are rattling off snack names that sound like rejected Monty Python sketches. Penguins. Pepperamis. Salt and vinegar crisps. I'm half expecting someone to mention eating the Ministry of Silly Walks.

Meanwhile, my American brain is short-circuiting. I'm thinking about moon pies and Oreos, those mass-produced sugar bombs that probably say more about late-stage capitalism than any economics textbook ever could. But I can't bring myself to say it. It feels too on-the-nose, too obviously American. Like admitting I own a gun and a bald eagle in the same breath.

I graduated high school in 2007, which feels both like yesterday and a lifetime ago. After school, I'd ride the bus home, a daily exercise in social hierarchy and diesel fumes. My parents, subscribing to the suburban paranoia that walking 1.4 miles would inevitably result in kidnapping or spontaneous combustion, insisted on the bus.

Once home, I'd watch MTV. Carson Daly was my god, TRL my religion. In retrospect, this was probably the moment my cultural tastes calcified. I wonder if in 30 years, I'll still be judging all television against the gold standard of a guy in baggy jeans introducing Britney Spears videos.

As I got older, I switched to Oprah. This transition feels significant somehow, like it should be a metaphor for something. The shift from pop culture to pop psychology, maybe. Or just the inevitable march towards middle-aged mediocrity.

My after-school activities read like a list of failed attempts at finding an identity. Theatre, hockey, music lessons, dance. I was less a person and more a collection of extracurriculars held together by acne cream and existential dread.

We only ate dinner as a family on weekends because my mom had an eating disorder. There's probably a doctoral thesis waiting to be written about the intersection of family dynamics, eating disorders, and the slow death of the American family dinner. But I'm not the one to write it.

When my dad died, everything went sideways. My mom's eating disorder went into overdrive, and she started to resemble a Tim Burton character more than a person. She was depressed enough to stop eating, but not too depressed to flee the country for some international sexcapades. It's the kind of logic that only makes sense if you don't think about it at all.

After that, food became complicated. I started stealing from my culinary arts class, which feels like it should be the plot of a quirky indie film, but was actually just depressing. The teachers didn't care. They looked at me - overweight due to PCOS but still athletic - and decided I was fine. As if hunger only counts if you look like a charity advertisement.

So when it's my turn to share, I tell the truth. I say I didn't really do after-school snacks, but I like candy kittens gummies and marzipan now. The room goes quiet. You'd think I'd just admitted to being raised by wolves or not owning a TV.

Someone suggests I must have had strict parents. Because apparently, the only explanation for not mindlessly consuming snack foods is authoritarian rule. I explain it was my choice, and suddenly I'm an inspiration. A beacon of self-control in a world of Cheeto-stained fingers.

And just like that, we move on to someone else's snack preferences. The moment passes, but I'm left wondering: Is this what adulthood is? Revisiting our childhood eating habits and assigning them deep significance? If so, maybe Peter Pan had the right idea after all.

[onlygettingolderbaby]

Summer Walker - Anna Mae Harry I say, "Babe, what we gonna do?" and you say, "We'll have our cake and eat it too". It's not the right time but you say the timing is perfect, you want me to ride for you, on you, with you, my babe. You want me to lie, say, "No, I haven't seen this guy". We doin' the most, takin' pictures you know we can't post. All alone, we turn off our phones all the way, your girl drivin' your ass insane, and you know mine don't play.

Tinashe - Pretend Perrie If we pretend that I'm happy when I'm really not, pretend that I give you everything I've got, pretend that I'm there when I ain't there, pretend that I care when I don't care. Once upon a time, I did, now I admit that I was fucking with a kid, now I pretend that everything's straight when everything ain't just covered up like paint. (When I'm looking for love I pretend it's you that I'm in love with.)

Tate McRae - Run for the hills Harry Hotels, late nights, hands through my hair, long talks, red eyes, clothes everywhere. Missing a moment when you're still there, you gotta thing you can't find nowhere. Kissing, screaming, straight back to war, I'm walking out until I lock the door. Maybe the danger's covered by the thrill 'cause I know I should be running for the hills. The way you touch me, straight to the heart, yeah, it cuts me 'cause I know deep down that it's never gonna ever be us, never gonna ever be more than just something that's fucking me up. I know that when it's all done, I'll hate you bad in the long run but, somehow, it never ends. My heel's on the edge of your bed again, yeah, I get obsessive with you. All that I want is attention from you, break into my life and break all my rules, it's true.

Masked Wolf - Astronaut in the ocean They say that I'm so fine, you could never match my grind, please do not, not waste my time. What you know about rollin' down in the deep? When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze, when these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah I feel like an astronaut in the ocean.

Brent Faiyaz - Clouded I gave it all for a fantasy, is anybody gon' remember me? If I go tonight, I doubt the world'll change, I just pray they don't forget my name. These are game rules, I can't lose, when it's all said and done, will I still be cool? Spent like ten thousand, twenty thousand, thirty thousand, forty thousand. How much I'ma spend profilin'? She come in and compliment my closet, fuck her on the floor like I don't give a fuck 'bout her. Your judgement get clouded when you clouted. My opposition wish I'd stop smilin', my family wish I'd stop wildin'. I'm still on the east side smokin' with my OG's 'cause they the only ones that really know me. I was fuckin' superstars when I was nineteen, the shit we did, you won't believe me. Now I'm at the turn up, lookin' lonely, then they wonder why I'm quiet at them house parties.

ZAYN - Fingers Harry What did I tell you? Typo said I loved ya. Didn't mean what I was sayin', no, I wasn't playin', just confused. Was tryna play it smooth, stood spinnin' in this room. In this state, I been consumed. 'Cause I'm fucked and I want ya, I can't even text ya 'cause my fingers ain't working, but my heart is. If you wanna, let me know where you hiding, I can come and love ya.

PartyNextDoor - Come and see me Gigi Doesn't make sense now, shit just got real, things are gettin' intense now. I hear you talkin' 'bout "We" a lot, oh, you speak French now?Givin' me the signs so I gotta take a hint now, I hit you up like, "Do you wanna hang right now?" On the East Side and you know I'm with the gang right now, you say, "Do I own a watch? Do I know what time it is right now?". Yeah, it's after 2:00 a.m. and that's askin' a lot of you right now. All she talkin' 'bout is, "Come and see me for once".

H.E.R - Could've been Harry Somebody give me, somebody tell me the answers, me and you isn't the answer. Maybe I'm tellin' myself that, but there ain't nothin' that'll change that, what good would it be if I knew how you felt about me? It could've been right, but I was wrong, only think 'bout you when I'm alone, the part of me that cared is almost gone and I know that I can't get caught up. We could've been and we try to pretend every now and again, we don't dream about, don't think about what we could've been.

Drake - Finesse Harry Should I do New York? I can't decide. Fashion Week is more your thing than mine. I can't even lie, I'd rather stay inside, I can't do suit and tie, can't be in a room with you and stand on different sides. One thing at a time, I have to learn to hide, one thing at a time, emotions running high. I wish you felt alright just hitting my line all the time, all the time, all the– You stay on my mind all the time, all the time. It takes some finesse, I seen you finesse, he can't know finesse.

Megan Thee Stallion - Anxiety I'm a bad bitch, and I got bad anxiety, people call me rude 'cause I ain't lettin' 'em try me. Sayin' I'm a ho 'cause I'm in love with my body, isssues, but nobody I could talk to about it. They keep sayin' I should get help but I don't even know what I need, they keep sayin' speak your truth and at the same time say they don't believe, man. Excuse me while I get into my feelings for a second, usually I keep it down, but today I gotta tell it, not that anybody gives a fuck anyway, but everybody talkin' shit probably sucks anyway. Y'all don't even know how I feel, I don't even know how I deal, today I really hate everybody and that's just me bein' real.

Frank Ocean - Thinkin' bout you Harry I'm thinking 'bout you, do you think about me still? Do ya, do ya? Or do you not think so far ahead, cause I been thinking bout forever. Yes of course I remember, how could I forget how you feel? You know you were my first time, a new feel. It will never get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive. We'll go down this road 'til it turns from color to black and white.

Bryson Tiller - Right my wrongs Harry Tell me how can I right my wrongs, that's something that I should know, all the things that we been through, boy I never meant to put you through it twice, oh no. Could it be you calling me down? My foolish heart turns at the stars, all that I am is all that you see, you don't need nobody else and you're putting this all on me, forgive me.

ZAYN - Love like this Harry I don't wanna waste no time 'cause you are the crown, I just wanna take your time and everything is on the line, but I would rather be dead if it's gonna mean a life that's lived without you, baby. I guess that's love like this, usually, I never wanna jump like this but I think I wanna dump my chips 'cause I cannot go back. I guess that's faith like this, give you everything and you can skate like this, but I think I gotta take that risk 'cause I cannot go back.

[vanosslirious]

BBS Dialogue Prompts #362

BBS Dialogue Prompts & Sentence Starters: [ 11 ]

VANOSSGAMING

How did I survive that?

I want to do that.

I can get inside of you.

Knock him off!

Surely he wouldn't do the same one three times, would he?

That's why I said it, I'm a fucking genius.

How did you not die?

Just right before you joined the call.

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Someone do the honor, I am not picking this.

I got one life, I'm scared, I don't want to go.

Don't waste it on me either.

None of that shit counted.

I'm getting ready for the next round.

I'm invincible, you can't kill me!

Guy's, I'm still stuck, help me.

You'll never find me!

How did you manage to do that?

That wasn't a hint.

I'm not doing anything, I'm just holding it.

SMII7Y

Let's look at the stars together...stand to my left.

Why do you sound like I'm talking to you through a prison phone?

I’m not thanking you.

I’m glad I fucking did!

I’m not thanking anyone.

Good luck killing me though, I'm on your fucking team, idiot!

I don't know what to feel about what you said.

I’m having major deja vu right now, this is nuts.

You better stop that.

Not the time for stunts.

H2ODELIRIOUS

He’s looking for drugs.

Get his money, take his money!

I think you’re good.

You turned into a chicken.

Everything turned into a TNT!

I didn’t do that.

I’m going to try some battery acid!

Why is there a cat down here?

You know what, fuck it, I’m taking more.

We’re in a deep dark hole of death!

JERICHO

Do you feel lucky?

You walked past me.

I just heard glass break.

You dropped me off over here, it's scary.

Why do vampire's need guns?

If you consume a human to get their ability in front of another human, you get tagged.

Why do they care if their friend is getting eaten in front of them?

That's it, you're fucking done.

That's alright, sometimes I like it when you just say shit.

No, you immediantly get notified.

NOGLA

He got you how you got me.

Do a breakdown on my brain, please.

Wait, do we stay in here?

Can we leave, we can leave!

How did this get five stars?

To be honest, I just like him.

I'll be right back, my food's here, I got a cookie delivered.

That's what we pay a hundred grand for, baby.

Be chill was his final words.

There's just going for me, why?

BLARG

You look like someone wishes their pet egg to be real.

Oh, so do we.

I hit grandma with a knife and it's still in her.

Grandma, why do you have so many beer bottles in your room?

We have so many weapons to murder our grandma with right now, it's insane.

Does anyone else have any keys?

Yeah, I will, working on it.

Stop kicking me out the window!

That's not what he said, grandma.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

SILENTDROIDD

I got left, I got left, go.

I didn't know it was gonna explode.

The van is freaking slow.

We're gotta go, he's gonna escape.

What the fuck just happened?

Uh, guys, remember that robot we saw over there?

Uh, even worse, he has a twin brother.

They're like secret paths.

Guys, I don't know how to hack.

Let's go, boys, let's escape in style.

GRIZZY

Alright, everybody pray to god.

I should've clicked your name because rightfully that was mine!

I'm just gonna stick with mine.

We can't afford shit.

Yeah, he's gonna rob your shit.

That'll never happen and we know it.

Oh, I forgot I'm cursed, it doesn't even fucking matter.

Hear me out, both.

This is the exact same thing.

Literally, nothing's new.

MOO

That is useful.

I just railed you.

He blew it too early.

I had it just sitting in my inventory.

Guys, I had one heart left.

I'll help you!

You're not missing much.

That was a massacre, followed by a dispersion.

I had to go take care of my kids, sorry!

Screw doing it together, right?

BIGPUFFER

They have the best goalie in the fucking world.

Give me the fucking ball.

That was all me.

I figured it out.

I think those are bots.

So annoying, I knew you would do it too.

That's a shit ton of loot.

The tree's on fire!

Can I land in the water?

Stop using me as a weapon.

TERRORISER

I just want to get one.

I'm doing gang signs.

What was that noise?

Oh my god, I'm horny.

For once, I'm actually happy to be first.

I'm trying to be optimistic.

I think I got the gold.

I got my tail back.

Keep 'em away from me.

Oh, you're making one, huh?

[amalgamatey]

I haven’t been part of a “fandom” since about 2014 when I quit writing fanfic cold turkey and started writing exclusively original content. Not to toot my own horn but I was a pretty popular fanfic writer, and I still get comments on my AO3 to this day. I wanted to focus on my own work and get published though, so I had to put fanfic aside.

Well, after an unforeseen rocky road, I think I’m becoming mired in fandom brain again and I don’t know how to feel about that, considering I turned 35 yesterday and fandom has been notoriously aggressive towards “old people”

I decided to write down my thoughts on it, and it’s helped a bit.

In 2015 I got onto SSRIs for severe depression and anxiety and by 2016 I wasn’t writing anything at all. I was consuming media but I wasn’t enjoying it, I wasn’t thinking about it, and I wasn’t thinking too deeply about my own original works despite having finished my first rough draft in 2015 - arguably the hardest part of writing. I thought I was getting old, or work was getting in the way, or any number of other issues. Interests change, yknow? Maybe I wasn’t a writer anymore even tho I’d been writing since I was a little kid.

In 2020 I suffered a work injury that I deal with to this day, and ended up getting into therapy where I was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated appropriately.

In 2022 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and the traumas that came with that kind of ruined my life. Two years of that battle and I’m on the other side climbing out of the looming threat of death. I’ll be dealing with the side effects the rest of my life, but I’m making it work.

In May of this year, I talked with my psych and we dropped my SSRIs entirely because I wanted to see if my ADHD being properly medicated would mean I didn’t need the other medication anymore.

When I tell you my world opened up, I was seeing colors I hadn’t seen in years, I had feelings again, I was crying again. I had spent at least eight years without crying more than once or twice a year. All of my feelings were far away, distant things that had very little effect on me. Getting off of the SSRIs absolutely blew my world wide open again. I started thinking in stories, feeling and thinking about content again.

I started to think about the shows and movies I was watching. Really thinking about them, the characters, the imagery and the structure and the symbolism behind everything.

The first series I got really into was Shadow and Bone (Netflix), watching it a few times and building little scenarios in my head. I started to hear songs that made me think of characters. I started to wonder what would happen in different situations. I bought the books and stayed up all night to finish them, something I also hadn’t done since 2015.

Now, I’m absolutely brainrotted by Our Flag Means Death to the point that my phone just auto fills in the title when I’ve capitalized “our.” I’m obsessed because OFMD is like the fanfiction I read and wrote years ago. It’s a story with dark and emotional content while still being goofy and silly. For goodness sake my favorite episode is “the torture episode” which is so dark but somehow maintains an air of light comedy. It’s all the best and most amazing parts of fanfiction that I remember.

So while I may feel weird being 35 in fandom spaces, I’m desperate for more OFMD content and theories and stories and it feels like I’m finally becoming myself again after so many years. Age wasn’t stopping me from engaging with content in the ways I always had, it was medicating my crippling depression and anxiety to become a shell of a human.

I’m still fine tuning my medication with my dr but I’m feeling so much better about life, the universe, and everything. I might even dust off my AO3, finish the few works I still get begged to finish, start writing for the Greg-verse and OFMD. Just enjoy the creative process again.

Who knows. It might be fun.

[samthestrangerthingsfan]

Out of The Woods

pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

summary: You're back in Hawkins, and the memories keep on coming.

chapter warnings: mentions of grief, parental loss, motherhood, swearing, brief description of injury (bloody nose)

a/n: chapter one! the ball is officially rolling! I'm so excited for you all to read and get to know these characters. Enjoy!

chapter one: I've Got Sunshine || series masterlist

Muscle memory is a funny thing.

The faded wheel of your ‘88 Ford Escort was being gripped so hard that your knuckles ached. You recalled shortcuts and one-ways with ease, moved through neighborhoods and back roads you hadn’t been down in nearly decade--seven years to be exact. They say home is where your heart is; if that was the case, Hawkins stopped being home a long time ago.

Still, part of you supposed it was normal.

Normal to remember this place so vividly, you could draw its map with your eyes closed. Normal to recall the smells and sounds and the stoplight that hasn’t worked properly since ‘79.

Normal to see the Plant, and Melvald’s—Joyce Byers’ car parked dutifully out front. You remembered everything, despite having tried to forget.

You never thought you'd be back here. After you got your diploma, after all the hell you'd been through--after what happened, you’d gone East. A scholarship earned you a full ride to Yale University.

Then life happened.

Maggie happened.

Once school was no longer an option, you looked for work. Doing job after job, sometimes three at a time to make the rent and keep food on the table for her.

As much as you tried to deny it, everything seemed like a sign from above that this place wasn’t meant to be. Rent went up, you’d been let go from your waitressing job, and then your car started to shit the bed.

Hey, when it rains it pours, am I right?

Then came the call that brought you back here to Hawkins in the first place.

Your Dad died.

Not that you’d ever been particularly close, especially not after your Mom died. You were just 14 at the time and it was hard. That's the age every girl needs her Mom, and without yours, you were left to navigate grief, high school, and becoming a good person all on your own.

Your Father was...an unfortunate side effect of her passing. Consumed by his own grief, you assumed. It turned into him not being able to stomach being around you. The fighting was constant, you could never do anything right in his eyes, and he could never replace your Mom in yours. You’d practically lived everywhere but home your entire high school career, and he was either working at the Plant, or too drunk to care.

That’s why when a lawyer called you up and told you you’d been left his house, you damn near fainted.

"You're sure you have the right person?" You asked, stretching the cord around your finger nervously.

The man repeated your name, date of birth, and 'relationship to the deceased'.

"The home has been paid off since, lemme see here," You heard the flip of a paper, "'Ah, '78. Taxes and such can be put into your name when you begin occupying the residence, but we do need a decision by--"

"I'll take it!" The words flew out of your mouth before your brain could stop you.

This was a sign, the last sign you needed. You took $300 out of your savings to fix your car, packed up everything that mattered, and the two of you started the 12 our road-trip home.

Now you were just two right turns away.

“Hey, Sunshine. You awake back there?” You ask, a smile in your tone.

Maggie stretched, adjusting the blanket on her lap. “I’m up, Mama.” She's smiling, clearly just beginning to wipe the sleep from her eyes. “Where are we?”

The question left your daughter’s mouth just as you turned into the driveway.

Slowly, you find the strength to put the car in park. Deep breaths, right? That's what you tell Mags to do when she's scared. So you take your own advice, and do one big deep breath. “Our new home.”

Maggie’s gasp startled you. “We get a whole house?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, “Yes, baby girl. A whole house, and guess what else?”

She clutched her worn, stuffed teddy bear tightly to her chest and watched you with bated breath.

“You get your own room!”

Your six-year-old squealed with delight, kicking her feet into the seat in front of her. “Mama I’m so excited! Can we go in? Please! Please!” She begged happily.

With shaking hands, you snatched the key from the ignition. “Absolutely.”

Maggie’s feet were taking her faster than the rest of her could follow. As she waited on the stoop of the familiar blue house, you bent down and lifted the 5th rock from the left that lined the path. The key was there, just as it always had been, though now it was aged with rust. You’d hidden it there after being unable to wake your Dad from his drunken stupor on more than one occasion.

The house—your house, was nothing grand, but the look on your daughter's face said otherwise.

“Mama, we get this whole place?”

You tussled her hair as she moved to wander the living room. “Sure do, baby girl.

The two of you had lived in a one bedroom for her entire life. In the six years since you'd had her, she’d never really had a space to call her own, and even though you’d given Maggie all you had, it killed you not to be able to give her what she deserved.

“So, I was thinking…Maggie?”

You walked the familiar hallway to find her in your old bedroom; it looked exactly like it did the day you left.

“Mama! Is this you?” She ran at you, holding an old Polaroid.

With tender hands, you grabbed it from her. “It sure is, Mags.”

Her smile grew as she spoke, “So pretty, Mama. Who’s the peoples with you?”

The grin on your face matched hers, “This right here? This is Robin, she’s the one who sends me all of those funny birthday cards.”

Robin didn’t know you were back, and you’re not exactly sure how to say, “Hey remember me? Your friend who disappeared? Well, I’m back for good and so is my daughter that you’ve never met.”

“Oh, who’s this boy?”

You chuckled, “That’s Steve. He’s a real cheese-ball, but you’d love him. I hope you get to meet him some day"

Maggie's giggles filled the room, and you could feel your cheeks aching from the size of your smile.

She deserves the world. I'm gonna make sure she gets it.

"Mama?"

You sit on the edge of your old desk, "Hm?"

"Who's this guy with the long hair?"

Your heart sank. Collapsing in on itself, and descending into your stomach. "That's uh, his...his name is Eddie."

Saying his name--speaking him into reality made you sick. It made your bones ache and your muscles twist with rage and grief.

Just then, your beautiful daughter, blissfully unaware and innocent, asks a follow up question.

"Is he your friend too, Mama?"

The lump in your throat was hard to swallow, but you do it for her. "He used to be." It's all you can manage.

She holds the photo in her little hand, analyzing the image with all of the brainpower her six year old mind could muster.

"His eyes kinda look like my eyes!"

7 little words, spoken in the sweetest, happiest tone, break you.

"They kinda do, don't they?" You ask, turning around to pretend to organize whatever random clutter you could find.

Maggie places the photo on the desk, and moved on to the next room.

"Wow, Mama! A bathtub! i can take bubble baths!" She echos off the tiles walls, and you crumble. Falling to you knees and silencing your sobs with you palm.

How are you gonna do this? How are you going to live here and avoid him? What will happen in he sees you? See's her?

Maggie is all that matters in this. Hawkins is big enough, right? Surely, you can avoid all of the old haunts you remember Eddie going too. Avoid the Hideout and Lover's Lake, and certainly avoid the Forest Hill's trailer park.

God, that place was your sanctuary for so long--both you and Eddie.

After every party, every fight with your Dad, you'd find comfort at the Munson home. Wayne demanding you stay as long as you wanted, and assuring you that this place is as much yours as it is Eddie's.

The trailer was where you cleaned Eddie up after every run in with Jason and the other douchebags at Hawkins High.

NOVEMBER 15th, 1985

Your fingertips turned crimson as you held the damp towel to Eddie’s nose. He winced the moment it made contact with the newly bruised flesh.

“Fucking…fuck.” Eddie barely managed to get it out.

You recoiled, but he protested. “Nope…no. Just, just get it over with.”

Slowly and as carefully as you could, you dabbed the blood from the already purple skin. “Jesus, Eds. You bruise like a peach.” It’s a small offer of a joke, a way to ease his pain and your guilt.

A hiss as you touch a particularly sensitive part on the bridge of his nose. “Sorry.” You’re the one wincing now.

“Still look tough though, right? Even if I got my ass kicked?” He smiled gently, a self-deprecating pull at the corner of his mouth.

The trailer was cold, it was just turning fall in Hawkins, and Wayne didn’t use the heat unless it was below freezing. A chill ran down your spine as your stomach flipped.

“You got a couple of good licks in, I just wish you didn’t—“

He cuts you off immediately. “It’s never a question, and you know that.”

A shaking sigh passes your lips as you turn your back to him. The warm water running from the sink rinses the blood out of the washcloth, and as swirls of red spin down the drain, you're fighting back tears. “Jason’s a prick who gets his rocks off watching people squirm. He knows I’m repulsed by him. He’s not worth it, Eddie.”

You hated seeing him like this because of you. Jason was being foul and vulgar and his typical jock-with-one-brain-cell self when he’d cornered you in the cafeteria.

Fortunately for you, he didn’t see Eddie walk in behind him.

Jason was describing exactly how he’d 'make you moan'—barf—when Eddie spun him around and decked him.

He was able to get three or four shots on him before the rest of Jason's caveman friends ganged up on Eddie, only stopping when Principal Higgins stepped in.

“He’s not, but you are. I don’t know how many times we gotta go over this, Bug. I’ll never let anyone hurt you--ever. Who cares if I get a little banged up in the process?”

Bug.

The nickname he's called you for the past 2 years. A way he shows you that it really is just you and him against the world.

"I care. You're all I've got Eddie Munson." You say it dramatically, in hope the seriousness of the moment wouldn't make things weird. Eddie's warm hand finds your cheek, the pad of his thumb swept over the soft skin.

"Forever, kid. You and me."

The memory made you shiver.

Get it together. You chastise yourself.

"Hey Mags?" You call, scrubbing the emotion from your face onto your palms.

She bounds down the hall, still in awe at the space. "Yeah, Mom? Did you know my room has a closet? I can fit all my toys inside!"

Your arms reach for her, and she jumps into your embrace instantly. After squeezing her, you pull back to take in the little person you'd made.

God, she really does look so much like him.

She's got your nose, and cheeks for sure. But those eyes? The smile? That's Eddie, through and through.

"You know I love you, right?" You kiss her forehead.

Maggie pushed your cheeks together, smushing you face in her palms. "I know, Mama. 'Nember what you always say?"

"What's that, Mags?" You ask, brushing the hair from her eyes.

"You and me, kid. Forever and ever."

[decayingblorg]

3/1/2023

Today has been a blinder and not sure if that is good or bad. Well, today has been a wild start to a new year for certain!

Found out that the human remains were found in a pond near to where I live and now it’s swarmed with police doing their investigation stuff and what have you. It’s scary with it being so close to home. I was there just a few years ago feeding the ducks and enjoying the calming area as that was when I wasn’t long out of hospital and needed that respite. It’s been on national news websites and everything, mental. Nothing like this happens where I live, but apparently it’s more than once.

Today was pretty interesting in another way also. Saw my very first assault/mugging and to say it hasn’t made me worried is a total understatement. The poor neighbour was at the boot of his car, he took something out and then this car suddenly stopped beside him, a man in a balaclava opened their car door and got out, grabbed the neighbours bag and he wasn’t letting go for anything. Got dragged with the car up the road. Poor bloke must’ve been punched or something because his lip was bleeding and that. Not something you witness everyday. I am quite the fan of cop shows and that is something you see on one of them, in a movie or something similar but nope, witnesses that for the first time. Now that is gonna be me not wanting to go out for who knows how long! And I’ve only just started recently getting more confident going out. Just mental. Oh and this happened right outside my front door! First a body in the pond across the road and now an assault/mugging right infront of my house, like fucking hell much! I don’t even know what is going on. It’s only the 3rd day of the year 2023!

But also a curious observation! On the 1st of Jan this year. At about like 1 in the morning and car pulled up infront of our home (never seen them before) and kept the engine going. Curious and it’s like late at night, looked out and saw a woman get out, quickly lock the car and darted off toward the neighbours house (the same neighbour I mentioned earlier). Thinking this was curious, I stayed up abit and contemplated what could possibly be the rush? Sleep was quick to consume me then and didn’t think much of it the next day. But then on the 2nd I hear another car, that evening and I swear to goodness it was the same. (This time parked infront of the neighbours house. He lives like two doors down from us) All I could recall was the number plate and couldn’t decipher if there was a H or an N as the first letter on said plate. But they kept turning their car on and off, getting out, getting back in, lots of faffing. But I swear it was this same woman from that previous night. From what I could tell anyway, but I am almost certain it was the same, blonde haired woman as the day before. Eventually after pissing about with her car longer, she eventually left, but it’s still so strange and curious. Surely all the events today couldn’t have been a mere coincidence, right? My curiosity is piqued now and I will be keeping an eye out tonight to see if she makes a third return in three days.

But with the whole neighbour being assaulted/mugged and all that, has really put me into worry mode. It’s bad enough I have anxiety, but the anxiety disorder OCD? Yeaaaaah, my brain makes it alot worst than what it should do! I worry about going out again and or others I care about going out aswell, it’s a scary thing! So it’s gonna take me abit of time to be away from that severe anxiety, but it’s just so scary. Oh, and knowing there is several people, dressed in balaclavas lurking around the streets just makes me even more worried/uncomfortable about everything else!

Oh and when we thought it was a fight. I was all ready to go and was gonna go out there, I had to be pulled back. I wanted to stop a fight, not something so dangerous haha. Prepared to go that headlong into a fight. Yeah, I don’t think a lot of the time. I am more of a doing person, than thinking about it! It’s gotten me into abit of trouble in the past 😅

But other than that, spent most of the time playing Final Fantasy XIV. Truth be told I’ve sort of fallen out of concentration for Dragon Quest. I am like 25 hours in and I am not even a quarter of the way through it!? I know the older JRPGs are longer and have a different pace, but this is just getting boring. I played 100 hours of Persona 5 Royal and as much as I looooooove P5 as much as the next Persona fan, but even I was started to get bored! A slow pace is fine for some, and just really doesn’t work for me. I will maybe attempt it again in a few days, but I just really want a break from it. And besides, I’ve missed my XIV character a great deal, I love her that much.

So today. Abit of a scary one, but still safe and indoors is all that matters and hopefully no repercussions from todays rather startling events. Been just in a confused mindset today, not sure what I’ve wanted to do and then suddenly that happens right infront of you, that can really bugger around with one’s head. Bloody hell, three days into 2023 and all this drama! Insane!

I should really have an early night because my sleep was absolute shit last night! Ever since my routine was messed up due to New Year’s Day and that crap, I’m out of my routine and it’s really started to get to my head. I want my normal routine back please, so I can actually get a decent nights sleep!

[beautifulmadnesss]

"Slowly Sinking, Wasting" Rafe Cameron x Maybank!Reader Part 4

Summary: Cassie's actions finally catch up to her, leading to an unlikely bond between JJ and Rafe.

Warning: drug use

Desperation, self-hatred, anger, and an all consuming loneliness swirled around fighting for control in my brain making it feel like it was about to explode. I couldn't trust Rafe, he was too indecisive about how he felt and right now I needed someone I could count on to help me.

It was already late morning and the sun was beating down on me as I walked along the side of the road. I knew it wasn't just the summer heat that was causing the sweat to pour off me, the shaking in my hands reminded me of what was really happening. Despite the tremors I kept a tight grip on the statue I had swiped on my way out of the Cameron residence. Honestly, I had no clue what it was, but I knew it was enough to trade for some coke.

My body was on auto-pilot, simply doing what was necessary to get the fix I needed to survive. I'd only really been to Barry's as a kid with my dad and I'd never had a conversation with him. My words were slurred and desperate, but he willingly traded the statue for the drugs and didn't say anything as I quickly set up several lines for myself, desperate to get as much as possible to make everything else go away.

The relief was instant and everything seemed to melt away. The anxiety I felt moments before faded to the background and it was as if nothing else mattered. It seemed like I was floating as I slumped over, slipping off the couch onto the floor. My eyes fluttered shut and everything else disappeared.

Rafe's POV

I was angry at Cassie for what she said, yet I couldn't escape the sinking feeling in my stomach. She was in real trouble and as far as I knew she had no one else left to turn to. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I really cared about her and I didn't want anything to happen to her.

When I spotted her older brother JJ across the dance floor with my sister, I knew I needed to put aside anything I had with him and ask for his help.

"Hey." I said as I got closer to him and I immediately received a look of disgust from him.

"What the hell do you want?" He snapped.

"It's about Cassie."

"Yeah, I heard about you two." He scoffed. "I should've known you were the one to corrupt her. Hope you two have a great time together."

"I think she's in trouble." I replied, trying to shove down the anger bubbling up, our rivalry wasn't important right now.

"Seriously dude. She come over to my house last night and she was really messed up. I swear, I never would've given her the shit if I thought she would get so addicted so quickly. She was shaking and sweating and crying. I found her going through my stuff looking for more, but I wouldn't give it to her. I told her she needed to get help, but she freaked out on me and left. I know I shouldn't have let her leave, I just- I think she might really be in trouble, man." He was just staring at me for a while and I could tell he was weighing trusting me against his need to protect his sister.

"Where do you think she went?"

"I don't know, probably somewhere to get more, but I don't know where that could be. Do you know if she knows anywhere?"

"Yeah, yeah, my dad would sometimes make us sit in the car while he got some from that dickhead, Barry. You're driving." I nodded and led him to my car. He followed me to the drivers side and shoved me against the door, immediately punching me hard. "I won't forget that you were the one who gave this to her in the first place."

"I know, I fucked up."

"Good. Let's go." He let me go without another word.

As we drove, I saw JJ picking at his nails and tapping his leg anxiously. He noticed me watching him and glared at me.

"Why do you care anyway? Besides trying to fix the guilt you feel." He taunted.

"I actually like her, shocking as that may seem. I should've just told her how amazing she is. Maybe if I would've told her how beautiful and incredible she is, she wouldn't have-" I stopped, not sure why I was sharing this with JJ Maybank of all people.

"Yeah." He said absentmindedly. "Did she tell you why she wanted it?"

I paused, not sure if I should tell him, but then I decided if we found her safe, she would need his help and he needed to know how she felt. "She said she was lonely. She thought you and your friends didn't care about her anymore now that Sarah was around." He visibly flinched at the words. "She told me about your dad too." He just nodded this time. "I told her before she blew up, but I really mean it. I think she needs real help, like rehab kind of help, and I will pay for it."

"We don't-" I could tell he wanted to be proud and refuse the help, but stopped. "I can take care of her." He said instead.

"I know, she will need you with her if she's going to beat this. You've brought her this far, but you don't have to do it alone." This time he looked at me and gave a slight nod.

When we pulled up to the house, JJ was out of the truck before I had stopped it. I wasn't long behind him, but he was already pounding on the door.

"What?" Barry snapped as he answered the door. "Country Club," he said as he saw me. "If you're looking for that statue I pawned it earlier today. Should be more careful what whores you allow in your palace."

I didn't try to stop JJ from punching him, but I knew even if I did try, there was no stopping him.

"Where is my sister you douchebag?" He roared.

"That bitch came to me." Barry shot back defensively.

This time, I took a swing at him. "Stop talking about her like that. Answer him."

"Look man, I can't have the cops showing up at my place, but I ain't having no dead girl on my conscious, so at least I called an ambulance." He blurted out after a moment of silence quickly followed by JJ clocking him again.

"What do you mean?" My blood ran cold at the words "dead girl."

"She OD'd, so I dropped her at that abandoned house on James St and called 911 then I left."

"You just left her!" JJ dropped him and immediately followed him to the floor landing blow after blow. I quickly pulled him off.

"We can check the hospital, let's go." I grunted as I tried to pull him out of the house, but after a moment he stopped and followed me out to the truck.

This time neither of us spoke as I sped toward the hospital. My knuckles white as I gripped the steering wheel as tight as I could, trying to push aside the picture of her lying motionless on the floor of an abandoned house with pale skin and blue lips. I knew JJ was thinking the same thing as we pulled into the hospital parking lot, both of us sprinting across the asphalt and through the front doors.

"Cassie Maybank. Is she here?" JJ blurted out before he even reached the desk.

"Yes, she-" He didn't wait for anymore information and neither did I. We pushed through the emergency department doors and he immediately went left, so I went right, pushing the curtains apart for each section, desperately searching for her.

"Here." I heard JJ's voice crack as he called out to me. I ran toward the direction where I heard it come from and found him frozen at the foot of her bed. She was just as pale as the picture in my head and her lips were the same haunting shade of blue. Doctors and nurses were talking loudly, shuffling around her bed. One of them slammed a needle into her thigh while another was pounding rhythmically on her chest.

Neither of us moved, as everything around us seemed to be in hyperdrive. The machines beeped loudly and in my limited knowledge, I knew that wasn't the sound of her heart beating.

"No." JJ muttered softly. "She-"

I didn't know what to say. I felt the same way. She couldn't be dead. She had to be okay. I felt my chest closing in on itself as the reality sunk in. This was my fault. I did this to her. If she died, it would be entirely my fault.

"Turn her on her side," someone yelled just before she vomited all over the floor, choking and gasping for air.

I reached over and squeezed JJ's shoulder with shared relief. She was alive at least.

A/N: this will have one final part

[thelunarbar]

Anger Is A Powerful Weapon

:Patience Series Part Three:

Word count: 1304

Trigger warnings - again illusions to abuse, mentions of blood. I can’t think of any others, but let me know if you see any.

A/N - I’m sorry this got very angsty. I promise part four will not be so angsty. And as always no beta we die like goose.

-/-/-/-

Mav’s brain short circuits when he opens the door and finds himself staring at Bradley. He can’t decipher the look in Bradley’s eyes and he doesn’t know what to say.

After several seconds of silent staring Bradley rolls his eyes and pushes past Mav. Mav continues staring out the door for a few more seconds, trying to process what’s happening before closing the door and turning around.

“Is Ice here? I need to talk to him.” Bradley says.

“In his office. He’s on the phone, not sure when he’ll be off.” There’s an edge to his voice that Bradley has never heard before. Bradley opens his mouth to respond, but before he can Bob walks in with a large encyclopedia of planes in his hands.

“Hey, Pete?” He asks, looking up and stopping in his tracks when he sees Bradley. Bradley stares at Bob, mouth gaping before shifting his gaze back to Mav.

“What the fuck?!” He snaps. Bob flinches and takes a step back, staring wide eyed at Bradley and then at Mav before turning and hightailing it up the stairs. “Who’s kid is that?”

“He’s our foster son.” Mav tells him.

“Why? Decided fucking up one person’s life wasn’t enough for you?” Bradley keeps going, but Mav is too hurt by his assumption that they would ever try to replace him, to follow whatever else he’s saying.

“Stop! Stop it! None of that is true!” Mav protests, wishing he didn’t feel on the verge of crying.

“What then? Did you you decide fucking up future wasn’t enough? You have to fucking replace me too?” Bradley snaps. “You’re so desperate for a child that loves that you’ll take in a child who’s probably never known love just to prove that you’re not the bastard I already know you are?!” Bradley’s face is red and there’s fire in his eyes.

Neither of them notice Ice at the top of the stairs. Now Ice doesn’t yell. On principle he finds it never helps anything and tends to make situations worse, but when those words leave Bradley’s mouth it’s the last straw. “Get out of my house.” It’s not quite yelling. Not yet, but it’s closer than Bradley’s ever heard him. Genuine fear flickers in Bradley’s eyes for the briefest of seconds before being consumed by the fire of his anger.

“And you’re no better! What made you think after everything both of you did to me that trying again with some other kid who’s got god only knows how many issues of their own, would be a good idea?! How many kids do have to screw up before it’s enough for you?!” Bradley spits. Ice sees red.

“I said, get out!” Ice does yell then. He descends the staircase with heavy steps. Bradley stares him down, not wanting to be the first to cave. Ice glares daggers at him. “Get. Out. Now!” When Bradley still refuses to move Ice grabs the front of his shirt and pushes him back toward the door. That seems to be all it takes because Bradley pushes Ice away and pulls the door open. He slams it behind him.

Ice is still fuming, but when he turns to look at Mav and finds him crying, his anger gets pushed to the back of his mind. He pulls Mav into his arms and rubs his back. Mav begins to sob into his chest, shaking and clutching Ice’s shirt in both hands.

“Tom?” Bob asks from the top of the stairs.

“Hey buddy, what can I do for you?” Ice asks, still holding Mav close. Bob hesitates, then comes down the stairs a little ways.

“Was just wondering if I could have some paper and a pencil?”

“Of course you can. Gimme a minute and I’ll find some for you, ok?” Bob nods and scurries back up the stairs and down the hall to his room.

Mav is no longer full on sobbing, returning to silent tears again. Still holding Ice close. Ice doesn’t know what to say or do to make this better. After a couple more minutes of crying, Mav pushes away from Ice and wipes the tears off his face.

“Mav-” but Mav just shakes his head and starts up the stairs. Ice knows right now he needs space, but they’ll talk later. Ice does follow him up the stairs, but only to get to his office to grab paper and a pencil for Bob.

And then he goes back downstairs to throw dinner together before he goes out to find Bradley and knock some sense into him.

-/-/-/-

It’s almost seven when Ice gets back. Mav and Bob are sitting at the table. Mav mindlessly pushing his dinner around his plate and Bob carefully sketching a plane. Mav glances up when he hears Ice enter the room and gasps when he sees him.

There’s a significant amount of blood on Ice’s shirt.

“Tom! What-”

“It’s not mine.” Ice cuts him, sighing heavily as he drops into the chair beside Mav.

“Then who’s is it?” Mav asks, eyes narrowed as he picks up his glass of water. Bob is watching them now, eyes curious behind his glasses.

“Bradley’s.” Mav chokes on his water and spits it all over his plate and the table. He coughs and splutters for a second.

“What?!” He finally manages to get out before caught once more.

“I went to see him. And things got heated and I decked him.” Ice sighs again and closes his eyes. “Don’t think I broke his nose, but there was a lot of blood.” He plucks at his bloodstained shirt.

“You-? Tom! What’s wrong with you?!” Mav asks while sopping up the water all over the table.

“He had no right to say those things to you and he wasn’t even remorseful about it.” Ice straightens up in his seat and grabs Mav’s hand. “If anything he’s had it coming for awhile.” They sit in silence for several seconds before Mav starts to laugh, silent, shoulders shaking. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.” Mav says, still shaking with laughter, “I just never thought I’d see the day the Iceman lost his cool.” Ice is still concerned for his husband’s mental state, but at least he’s not crying again.

“Oookay then.” Ice shifts his focus to Bob. “That is amazing kiddo. You’re very talented.” He nods at Bob’s sketch. Bob goes pink in the face and smiles just a little.

“Thank you.” He replies softly. He goes back to his sketch.

Ice glances back at Mav when he squeezes his hand.

“Thank you for defending my honor.” He smiles softly and leans over to give Ice a kiss. “Is he ok?”

“He’ll be fine. And hopefully have a little more sense.” Ice promises, pressing a kiss to the back of Mav’s hand. “I’m gonna go change. I’ll be right back.”

-/-/-/-

After dinner Bob asks for help getting a shower and is thoroughly embarrassed to have to ask, but Mav assures him that he has no problem assisting him. Turns out all he needs help with is getting the temperature set right and washing his hair. When that’s done Mav leaves him to finish and goes to dig out their rather sad collection of board games.

Bob jumps at the opportunity to play Trouble and takes great pleasure in beating both Mav and Ice. After a couple hands of Uno Ice moves to his chair and picks up his book while Mav teaches Bob how to play Monopoly.

And it almost feels like there a family.

-/-/-/-

Three weeks later they’re very comfortable in their routine. Bob is adjusting and settling in well. They haven’t seen or heard from Bradley since the day Ice punched. And other than that it all feels almost perfect.

And that’s when they receive their third call.

-/-/-/-

Taglist! Lmk if you’d like to be added to the list for future updates!

@pollyna

[i-try-to-write-stuff]

Entrapment - Chapter 7 (Truce)

Please do not read this fic if this is not your cup of tea. You have been warned, by clicking on Keep Reading means you have understood the warning. I am not responsible for your content consumption.

18 +

The next stop for the cavalry was a house far away from the city. It was huge. You were in the driveway driving towards the house. You saw several other cars parked.

“This is your home now, darling. Plenty of space for Storm to run around. What do you think?”

“No, it’s not. My home is in the city. This is your home.”

“Don’t worry about that. I had your stuff brought over here. Everything has been moved to Arrow House.”

“That’s a stupid name for a house.”

Finn laughed, hearing your exchange. Tommy glared at Finn through the mirror.

“You can name it whatever you want.”

“How about I-don’t-want-to-live-here. Leave-me-alone”

“That’s quite a mouthful, eh, Finn? What do you think?”

He just nodded.

“Why am I here, Thomas?”

“You need to meet your new family.”

You just rolled your eyes. Tired enough not to give a fuck, you wanted to sleep peacefully.”

You stepped out of the car, trying to calm your nerves. Storm jumped out after you, nudging your legs with his snout.

You bent down to pet him.

“I know, baby, it’s okay, I have you, and you have me.”

“C’mon, wife, let’s go meet your new family.”

You were led inside by Thomas, Storm on your tail, Finn following you both.

You were tired and cranky, this whole ordeal making you irritable.

“It’s already 11, Thomas. I am tired, my head hurts, and my legs are cramping up. Could we please do this tomorrow?”

Thomas observed you, looking at your pouty face. You looked adorable and defiant. He shrugged, he knew you needed the rest, the journey was tiring for your mind and body.

“C’mon, let me show you our room. You can meet my family and the staff tomorrow. I can then show you around, and the nursery has been decorated for the baby”, He conceded.

You bit your tongue. You really didn’t want to share your room with a murderer, and you certainly didn’t want to share your precious baby. But you said nothing, following him upstairs, Storm following you to the top. He opened the door to the most beautiful master bedroom. By the looks of it, it was recently renovated, the curtains certainly looked new, and the bed was huge. He turned to look for your reaction, but your face showed no excitement. You looked uninterested. His heart felt heavy, as if someone filled it with lead.

You took off your shoes outside the room and lay on the bed. Storm jumped up on the bed and settled by your side, keeping an eye on Thomas to ensure he didn’t step near you.

As soon as your head touched the pillow, you were out. Sleep consuming your restless brain. You fell into a dreamless stupor. He sat by your side, his eyes softening up. He tucked you under the sheets. Storm watching him jadedly.

Tommy shut the door quietly. He went back downstairs to his family.

“Thomas, why are we here at this time?” Polly asked as soon as he entered the room.

“I wanted you to meet Y/N Shelby.”

Polly and Ada smiled, excited that Tommy had someone in his life who brought the old Tommy back.

“Where is she?” Lizzie Stark asked.

“She is sleeping. She was exhausted,” Tommy replied.

“And what was the other news you wanted to tell us” John added impatiently.

“You’ll be all uncles and aunts soon. Y/N is having my child”, Tommy added with pride.

“Oh, Tommy, that is great news”, Ada exclaimed.

“Is that why we were chasing her?” Finn asked brazenly.

Tommy flinched. Not everybody knew what was going on…

“Thomas?” Polly looked at him inquisitorially.

“She saw him kill Smith’s kid,” Arthur added.

Thomas stared at him.

“What? She and her dog saw you, and Johnny boy here thought it was an attack dog,” Arthur chuckled.

“That dog is large”, John defended.

“What’s that am I hearing, Thomas?” Polly quizzed while Ada watched her brother closely.

“She got scared and ran away. But she is here now, and everything is fine.” Tommy said quietly, trying to quash all the prying glances.

“You can all meet her tomorrow.” He added.

Everybody left after agreeing to meet up again tomorrow.

Thomas joined you in the bed. Storm growled first but let him sleep next to you.

You woke up when you heard something fall and Storm whimpering. Your mind took a minute to recognise the surroundings. You were in the bedroom. You looked for the source of the disturbance. Storm was by your legs whining. You scratched behind his ears to calm him down.

You saw Thomas thrashing violently, his body shaking. He was having another PTSD-induced dream. You hated him, but you still scooted closer to him, rubbing his chest to calm him down.

“Thomas, you’re here. You’re back in Birmingham.” You whispered in his ear.

“Y/N…”

“Yes, it's me.”

“You are here”, he whispered when he cupped your face, the dim nightlight highlighting his sweat.

“I am here. Everything is okay”, you lied to him, seeing his fragile mental state.

“Go back to sleep, Thomas”, you urged. He pushed his face between your breasts and hugged your body close. You rubbed his back, coaxing him to go to sleep. You both fell asleep, battles were forgotten for a night, and a truce was in effect.

---

Kindly reblog if you like the fic :)

[ssplague]

Alpha Bakugou & his late blooming Omega girlfriend 🌬🥀

PART TWO

Honorable mentions: @jazzylove @bakugoismisunderstood @koreylive

Okay since so many of you seemed to really enjoy this “Just thinking about”, I’m turning it into a short story. I’m thinking it will have four parts all together (including the original post). So I know I’d said that I’d give you a nice big dose of Scumbag Suki this update, buuuut that was before I knew this was going to take off like it did 🙈 The next one is entirely his POV so you’ll get your fill then!

Part 3

🌌✨🌠

“Suki, did you really have to be that harsh towards Izuku when we left the playground earlier? I know you dislike him now but….”

You trail off as you get settled on the plush, blanket lined floor of the small tent you and Bakugou had set up in your backyard. Supposedly there was going to be “A shit load of shooting stars tonight!” acording to one of your classmates. You were excited and insisted on staying up to watch, and as usual, Katsuki inserts himself into any and everything you do. Therefore; The two of you had rushed home after school, asked both your mothers and pleaded to spend the night together out in the yard. Deciding that you two were still at the age where anything other than star gazing was unlikely to happen, they allowed it.

Battery operated fairy lights were strung along the roof of the tent and a small lantern illuminated the center, giving the inside a pink and orange glow.

“Hah?! No way was I about to let stupid Deku come and ruin OUR sleep over! This is for me and you ________, no one else….just…us” a light breeze blew in through the open tent flap and treated Katsuki to be briefly overcome by your scent.

The two of you had your scent glands come in around the same time and still weren’t entirely used to it just yet. All both of you knew is that you favored each other’s scents over anyone else’s. It was kind of getting embarrassing how much you were beginning to enjoy your temperamental best friend’s spiced caramel aroma. So much so you had to make a conscious effort not to lean into him and sniff at his neck from time to time. He was subtle about it, but certainly didn’t mind bumping into or brushing up against you more often than ever to get a whiff of your intoxicating fragrance. Even getting hit with a face full just now had his brain feeling sluggish as beads of sweat began forming along his hairline.

A voice inside his head started incessantly growling “touch her, touch her TOUCH HER”. Under the guise of getting comfortable he shifted his leg to rest up against yours and his mind quieted instantly.

“I….I know that Kat…I wouldn’t have invited him anyway!” Your face began to redden as you brazenly blurted out; “I like when it’s just you and I, we always have the most fun”.

He instantly perked up at hearing that, but he couldn’t help but ask; “So you like me better than him? You think I’m BETTER than him?”. Leaning into you as he waited for you to answer his question, eyes narrowed.

“You know I do! Besides….” You couldn’t help yourself as you leaned towards him and inhaled deeply “You smell so much better than him too!”.

Oh hell now you’d done it ________, you unknowingly opened the metaphoric Pandora’s box.

He didn’t speak right away, just smirked back at you and enjoyed the devious expression on your face. After another minute spent invading one another’s personal space you were first to snap out of it quickly muttering; “M’sorry Suki I..I dunno what happened I shouldn’t have got in your face like that!”. You sat back up and moved your leg so it was no longer touching his. Unable to comprehend the sudden feeling of sadness at the loss of contact, or attribute it to the fact that you were no longer touching him. Katsuki frowned immediately and scooted back against you, “S’okay princess…s’not like it’s a big deal”. His use of the familiar nickname only succeeding to fluster you further.

The next few moments were spent in silence.

Surprisingly, It was you that eventually broke it asking; “Suki do you know…d’you know what mates are?”. You immediately began to play with the cheap desk telescope you’d brought out to avoid looking at him, your heart was beating a lot faster now. The startled look on his face would have informed you that your question caught him off gaurd; Surely you hadn’t just had the same thought he did?! Well either that or you could read minds….that wasn’t very likely, thank god.

“Ah well my mom told me it’s when two people decide that they want to always be together and get sad if they are ever apart…so they live together….and then other stuff happens that damn brats don’t need to know just yet” he finished lamely, confused as to why he felt so strange reciting his mother’s words exactly as she’d originally said them.

“I get sad when we have to go inside our houses at night and stop playing together” you said, the depressed tone of voice sounded like it was happening right then. “Me too…I wish we lived together cause then you’d always be with me” he confessed shooting you a nervous glance. Your eyes lit up and you beamed at him when the idea suddenly struck; “We have to become mates now Katsuki, we have to!”. You got up on your knees and began frantically shuffling things around the tiny tent. “If we’re mates then our parents can’t tell us we have to stop playing and separate at night! We’ll always be able to stay together!” Your sporadic movement and sudden outburst immediately infected your companion with the same frantic energy, albeit nervous, but excited all the same as he stared at you with wide eyes.

“You’re right _________! That’s a great idea”

“I know!”

“So uh..umm how uh…how do we do that?”

You stop smoothing the blankets out to stare at Katsuki, “You don’t know how?”.

“No” he admits glumly.

You can’t hold back the distressed whimper that escapes you and Katsuki is immediately at your side trying to console you “Hey princess it’s alright-“. “NO!” you exclaim “We need to do this to stay together forever!”.

Then you remembered something; “I see my mom and dad do this every morning”. You roll up the sleeve of your jacket and bring your wrist up, simulating the motion of rubbing it across the scent gland on your neck. Katsuki nods his head in understanding; “Oh yeah, mine do the same thing! Let’s do that!”. He lays back and stretches his neck out, “You do me first and then I’ll do you kay?”.

“Kay”

You nod and smile down at him, shuffling towards his head and bringing your wrist up to his neck. You hold your breath as your skin makes contact with his and start lightly rubbing over his scent gland a few times.

“S-Shit” he says softly, squirming slightly.

“What?! Did I hurt you??!” You ask.

Fear immediately replacing excitement and distracting you from reprimanding him for uttering a curse word as you usually would.

“N-No it didn’t hurt…please d-do it again”

You do, continuing thoughtlessly as you become enthralled by his peaceful expression and relaxed as he starts purring.

“Your turn”

You take his spot laying down on the fluffy blanket strewn floor, shivering with anticipation and the slight chill in the night air. His touch warms you from the inside out and you gasp at the sudden sensation. Relaxing once more, you look up at him through heavily lidded eyes and return the smile he’s giving you.

Neither one of you has any idea that this situation is going to come with serious consequences.

Eventually you remember the whole reason you two had decided to camp out in the first place; “The shooting stars!” You cry sitting up and narrowly avoiding head butting the blonde boy above you. “Hey!” He snarls. You stand and open the window flap in the tents ceiling, just as you do you see the first “star” shoot across the sky. “Woah! Quick make a wish make a wish kat!”.

He won’t admit it…but he does, and so do you.

As more stars shoot across the sky the two of you lay together; Happily curled up in the blankets, snuggling up together. Occasionally one of you brings your wrist up and begins to rub the others neck lazily, while continuing to watch the dazzling light show taking place above you. Both of you end up falling asleep long before it’s over. The sound of Katsuki’s continuous purring, lulling you into the most comfortable sleep possible.

Well that, and how his natural warmth just seemed to consume you….

Warmth…so warm at times it could get uncomfortable.

Like right now…too close…too hot

Your eyes snap open and you take in your surroundings; This is your dorm room, you’re at school right now, safe. Your clothes and sheets are soaked through with sweat. Not just sweat apparently; After waking up more you realize your lower body feels disgustingly sticky. Then a tingling sensation begins at the tip of your toes, rapidly spreading up your legs until it reaches the special place between them. Then it’s like a literal fucking furnace has exploded down there! Not to mention the heavyweight that has now come to rest in your lower stomach as it begins to cramp.

“Ow! ow! Ow!”

You try to feel around the bed for your phone, you could call one of your friends to come help you.Friends….that’s right they all left for the weekend! Wait not all of them left, Katsuki! He’s still here! That’s right, you were supposed to go over to his room, last night? Is it already morning? Fuck who knows.

You start to cry when you can’t feel your phone nearby on the bed, you don’t wanna look for it.

You don’t wanna be alone either though….Your scared. His room is just down the hall it’s not too far away, maybe if you just take it slow you’ll make it. You force yourself to get up, not even caring that all you have on is a tiny pair of sleep shorts and a sports bra.

You bend down to grab your slides out from beneath the bed and slip them on your feet before moving forward.

One foot in front of the other.

Your hunched over, one arm wrapped around your stomach and sweat freely dribbling down your face, coating your chest, sliding down the valley between your breasts.

Jesus, I must look like fucking shit right now.

As you make it into the hallway and start your journey all you can think about is how badly you want to see Katsuki. He always makes everything better somehow; That smile he wears just for you makes your heart sing normally. Right now you just let out a pained keen at the thought. Your inner omega has always been quiet enough to ignore in the past, but now she’s practically screeching like a fucking banshee inside of your head.

Just one word, over & over & over again:

Alpha

Alpha!

ALPHAAA!!!

With each screech your primal urges and instincts had began overwhelming you. Eventually reaching a point where the lines between the two began to blur. Making you feel more like a wounded beast that’s gone absolutely feral, while slowly dragging yourself down the hallway.

Once you get about halfway down you start to smell the familiar scent that you’ve become so fond of. Only it’s so much stronger and….muskier? It’s intoxicating, and so potent, you need more! Somehow your legs are moving quicker thanks to this new desperation manIfesting. Once you finally reach his door you have to stop yourself from breaking it down; Frantically pounding on it instead, and now you’ve started crying, salivating, and you’re just a goddamn walking train wreck… Somehow you don’t care, your appearance doesn’t matter, you just need HIM right now.

When the door opens you stumble inside.

The sound of his voice quieting your shrieking omega as soon as it reaches your ears;

“Finally decided to show up? Was waiting all fuckin’ night for you and…hey what’s wrong? Oh shit…fuck”.

Fuck is very right.

[moonlesslights]

Going down (NSFW)

Ramsay Bolton

Pairing: Ramsay Bolton x Stark!Reader

Summary: You are the betrothed of Ramsay Bolton, however, attending to a celebration on the South, he gets a little too jealous of all the eyes on his lady. You take him to another room to avoid an scene a both decide to enjoy some time alone.

Warnings: Smut, mentions of sex.

(this is part of a serie of OS I want to start for Ramsay and “us”, it won’t be really a serie but fragments of their lives)

Enjoy!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The first time I decided to go deep throat on him was before an event with some lords and ladies.

He was jealous. Some lord of the south had been insinuating to me, being a little too friendly and Ramsay felt like people still didn’t get the fact that we were together or, what was driving him crazy, the fact that people though that i didn’t want to be with him… or was it?

—Calm down, love.— I say, my hands on his chest moving up and down.

—He was talking about your ass with his friend, in front of me… do you think that’s okay to let go?

—They are southerners, Ramsay. You know their manner of be is by far a lot more relaxed than ours.

—They are disrespecting you. They are disrespecting the Lady of Dreadfort and our house with it.

He is still trying to look for one of the windows in the room we were in, the room I took him trying to avoid an scene. I place my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. His eyes connect with mines, deep blue blending under the light of the candles, still confused when I smile.

—And what are you going to do, love?, are you going to flay them?— He can’t. I know it, that’s why I’m taking this so calm, if we were on the North, I would be fearing for their lives.

Ramsay frowns, biting his inner cheek and avoiding my look again. Now I know that this is not only jealousy, something else is upsetting him.

—What is going on with you, mhm?— I push my finger on his jaw, redirecting his face to me.

—Nothing.— He’s angry, I can tell by his voice and how he raises his eyebrows with annoyance.

—Tell me.— I insist. —We can’t go back out there with you looking like someone died… Or like you tried but didn’t succeed.

He ignores my words, only furrowing much more when he looks at me and finally continues:

—Yes, we are going back out there. With you in that pretty dress and hundreds of looks on your back.— His voice drops, and I can tell he’s about to spit what is burning in his throat. —But I’m not sure if you would like to go back to the North with me…

—Ramsay…— My heart gives a skip. What is he talking about?

—After all, we aren’t married yet, and you were only betrothed to me, so why wouldn’t you look for someone else out there?

The words hit in my brain and then I can get to feel how much this man loves me, even when he acts like this, like he would give anything make me leave him alone. My expression softens, putting my hand on his cheek again and felling, even as he resist a little, how his face seeks the touch of my fingertips.

—You’re not so clever as you think you are, my lord.— I murmur, smiling.

He turns to me and opens his eyes, confused.

—What do you mean?— Ramsay asks.

I don’t respond, instead, my head does a click with the idea to show him what I meant.

I fall to my knees, Ramsay leans immediately, trying to take my hand and whispering if I was okay, however, his attempts to put me back on my feet decline when I reach under his upper clothes. The second my fingers rub from his belly button to his pants, passing for the fine path of hair, he feels a chill run down his entire spine until it settles in his crotch. He clenches his jaw, slightly surprised of what I was doing.

Usually, he’s the one to star any kind of encounter that leads both of us to sexual pleasure. So, this, is a huge step for me and for this part of our relationship, because of what he said: we aren’t married, therefore, we haven’t had sex. However, since we started to sleep in the same bed at the Dreadfort, it was hard for Ramsay to keep his hands to himself. I said no the firsts times and he respected that, but as time passed and I got to see him in plenty of ways, I accepted that I was somewhat of touch starved… Even thought, not so much as him.

The first time I let go was at his office, late at night, when he kissed me with such hungry and desperation but yet so careful to not make me back away that I couldn’t take it anymore… And he realized that. He took me from my hips and place me on one of his legs, holding me tight. The rest was amazing: him, making me grind on his knee, moving me up and down for the fabric of his pants, asking me if it felt right that or this. Smiling until he had to put his hand covering my mouth to avoid my voice woke up half of the people there, no, then he wasn’t smiling anymore, he was laughing. One of the most precious laugh i’ve heard.

Since that moment, he haven’t stopped. Grabbing me by my hips again one morning, holding my back against his chest and with one hand around my stomach and the other going down on my pussy, he fingered me until I couldn’t stop shaking from pleasure with his digits hard and deep in me.

Other time was when, while I was grinding on his leg, I reach for the bulge among his legs. It took him by surprise, I guessed based on the way his head dropped back, murmuring a soft “fuck” under his breath. He wanted to be touched, I realized, he was dying for me to go for all on him but he never intended to push me, after all, I had just accepted for any of us to die of touch starvation.

That same time was the first time he made me scream his name high and clear. None of us could help it (I tried, I swear), but when he got too excited with my hand going up and down on his member, he turned us, positioning himself above me and beginning to simulate hard thrusts on me. He has always been a quiet lover, he groans and moans, but just never too loud. But me and the wooden bed?, well, we kinda woke up everyone in the castle that night.

So now, with me on my knees and pulling down of the fabric, he really doesn’t know if I’m going to do what he is thinking. His fantasies flying around his mind, he didn’t thought that, during this travel, it was going to happen.

—Did the cat ate your tongue?— I ask, smiling. He’s always nonchalant about how nervous I am during our time of pleasure, but know is him who doesn’t talk at all.

—We need to be quiet.— He murmurs, seeing even a little bit anxious. I chuckle.

—No. You need to be quiet.— Ramsay clenches his jaw again, watching out the window with a frustrated look.

I take his cock on my hand and hear him take a deep breath. I lick my lips at the same time I start to do some movements with my wrist. Then I look at him, asking if I should do the next step.

Ramsay loses his breath at the incredibly erotic sight. Passes saliva and nods, slow. Then, his head drops back when my tongue starts to move at the tip, circling it with my lips.

I give several movements with my head, turning to see him with each of them, trying to guess if I was doing it right. Ramsay continues to answer me with nods of his head, and as his breathing becomes more and more pasty, I feel him grow in my mouth.

—Go on, darling.— He whispers, letting out a heavy sight.

I focus on extending my tongue its full length before beginning to delve into my throat: I go down a little and go up again feeling my eyes watery, but then, I try again, playing with my hand with what I cannot take. I continue like this for some more minutes, greedy growing in my chest with the sounds and gasps that my betrothed lets go from his lips.

—You almost get it, dear.— I close my eyes when I feel his hand getting tangled in my hair.

Ramsay takes control, pushing my head against him and loosening only when I ask to go back. His brow furrows and insists again, my lips close around his member and then I proceed to open my jaw to the maximum that it gives me, closing my eyes, already too foggy anyway, until my nose touches something: his skin. My lips meet just at the base of his dick. Ramsay presses one hand at the base of my neck while the knuckles of the other on the table behind him turn almost completely white.

I push back and, with difficulty, he lets go, but just enough. As soon as I have only the tip in my mouth again, he pushes back inside, giving quick and calculated thrusts. His hand on the table tightens even more and the blood seems to drain from the layers of his skin.

—Look at me.— Ramsay demands. He’s about to come, I know: he always wants me to look at him before he does.

He takes one last thrust, drawing me back to the bottom and base of his member. He pushes, pushes and pushes until he makes sure that I have everything.

His hand drops my hair and, by the moment I try to clean that what felt out of my mouth, he takes my arm and makes me stand on my feet again. Two of his fingers trace my lips and his own cum before pushing them into my mouth.

—It’s all yours, darling.— He smiles, rotten. —Take it.

I swallow and clean my chin with the sleeve of my dress, smiling too. My cheeks red and heart pumping on my chest.

—Was it okay?— I ask. The doubt was still consuming me: Ramsay have had plenty of lovers, a lot that had done that to him…

—It was better that okay, darling.— He laughs, putting all his clothes back on and then turning me to give him my back. —You made me touch the bloody heaven.

I laugh, felling like I always did every time I was with him, doing wrong things and sharing private moments: alive. He makes me feel alive.

I noticed his fingers running through my hair and it don’t take long until I realize that he’s making my braiding again. I smile, confident. He had practice sometimes before, when we were late because he just didn’t want to get off of bed, or when I fell asleep during long travels and by the time we arrived my hair was a total mess. So he started learning to do it.

—Done!— He cheers, proud of himself after thirty minutes. I turn around and before I can say anything, he presses his lips on my forehead. I close my eyes for a few seconds and by the moment I open them again, he’s looking at me. This time, his smile it’s just the same I see when I kiss him goodnight, or when he says “love you” after coming back from some trip with his father. The same smile he has every time I wake him up with a lot of kisses. —I want to marry you.

—We are going to get married.

—I want to marry you now. Let’s just do it right when we get to Dreadfort again.

I wrap my arms around his neck and he wraps his own around my waist, pressing his forehead with mine.

—Why?, you can’t wait to have sex with me?— I ask, smiling.

—Yes. And I might be tempted by the vows of spending the rest of our life together.— I laugh as he giggles, giving him a quick kiss.

…

By the time we got out of there most of the guesses were already on their table, eating. And when we sneak into the celebration, Roose was already raising an eyebrow at us.

Ramsay and I looked at each other. Roose didn’t know what we did, but he exactly did not not know what we did.

For the rest of the dinner, I had to enjoy my plate under the reprimands of my future father and the disobedient laughs of my betrothed. Yet, the scenario couldn’t feel more like home.

A/N: Sorry if there’s any gramatical issue, english it’s not my first language and I still get a little confuse on log narrations. Hope you liked!