#but we don't know if Hannah even survived that long

[seoll3miwrites]

Zero Suit | Fem! Y/N x Josh Washington *Smut*

Masterlist When Y/N attends her long time crush Josh's party, she makes a plan to dress up especially from him. When she meets him at the party, tension quickly rise and she finds herself getting everything she ever hoped for. (WC: 3404 ) Song used: Into you - Ariana Grande

Warnings: Smut, AFAB! Reader, Alcohol, Drunk Sex

AN: This the first Smut I've ever written so please don't mind if it's a bit lackluster. Set in an AU where Beth and Hannah lived

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Y/N adjusted the arms of her body suit as she walked up to the Washington’s house. She walked next to her best friend Sam as they approached the door. Colour lights were flashing, and a sea of bodies could be seen from the windows outside.

“Do we even bother knocking?” Sam asked while smirking, her hands on her hips.

Y/N shrugged before reaching forward to grab the handle, twisting and watching the door open with ease, “Guess not.”

The two held hands and stepped inside, closing the door behind them. Sam took the lead and guided Y/N through the crowds and into the kitchen, where The Washingtons usually kept the drinks. As they entered, the distinctly slurred voice of an already drunk Chris greeted them.

"Hey, you guys finally made it!” He approached them and pulled them into a little group hug. “I thought I’d have to survive here all by my lonesome.”

The two girls laughed at their friend, even more so at his peculiar costume. “Are you wearing an ascot, Chris?” Y/N asked playfully, flicking at the orange piece of fabric wrapped around his neck.

“Ah well… it was Ashley’s idea,” he explained, pointing to the outfit Ashley was dancing in the crowd; the purple outfit alongside the green headband made it clear who she was dressed as.

"Wow, couples outfits already,” Y/N continued to tease, “I’m impressed, Chris.”

“Oh yeah, well, what exactly made you pick your costume then, huh?” He teased back in return, a blush forming on her face as a result.

The truth is she’d pick her outfit based on one night a few weeks ago when they were all comparing different childhood crushes. The group had all been sitting in the basement when Mike had brought it up. The conversation had quickly devolved into the boys comparing all the women they found hot, specifically video game characters.

“I’m a fine of the classics,” Josh had proudly exclaimed. “I’m kind of ashamed none of you have mentioned Samus. I mean, have you seen her in that blue suit she wears?”

At the time, Y/N had rolled her eyes while the other girls complained to the boys and forced them to change the topic. Yet, when the time came to plan her Halloween costume, her mind instantly went back to that one thing Josh had said. It wasn’t as hard to find the costume as she thought it would be, and so here she stood, leaving nothing to the imagination as the blue bodysuit clung to her body.

“Shut up, Chris,” she chastised him before turning to the kitchen counter and began fixing herself a drink. Her and Sam had drank together as they were getting ready, so she was already slightly tipsy.

“I still can’t believe me and Ash got together before you even confessed to Josh,” he shook his head in mock disappointment.

“Chris I swear to God I will throw you in the pool!” She threatened, Chris placing his hands up in mock surrender.

"Chris, come on, lay off; you know what it's like to have a crush on one of our friends.” Sam spoke up in your defence. Chris looked shameful for a moment and offered you a genuine apology.

“It’s okay,” Y/N hugged him again before noticing Ashley's wandering eyes on the dance floor. “Now go dance with your girlfriend.” She pushed him away in the direction of Ash, smiling as she watched the two hug when they reached each other.

She turned back to the corner and poured her and Sam some drinks while the blonde texted on her phone. Sam thanked her when Y/N passed her the drink before speaking, "Hey, listen, I’m going to go find Hannah; you wanna come?”

“I think just gonna chill here for a bit, you go.” She replied, and after a second reassurance to Sam that 'yes, it was definitely okay.', the blonde left the kitchen in search of her best friend.

Now by herself, Y/N leaned against the kitchen counter and glanced around the party for people she recognised. Chris and Ashley were still on the dance floor holding each other close, and next to them dancing a little more erotically were Jess and Mike. She hadn’t seen Emily and Matt yet, but knowing Emily, she had probably dragged him to the hot tub.

With her eyes focused on the crowd around her, Y/N didn’t see the person slowly creeping next to her. Sliding close, they leaned down and whispered in her ear. “Boo!”

She jumped with a small scream and whipped her head around, coming face to face with the new person. “Josh!” She yelled at him as he laughed, “Don’t do that!”

“Sorry, sorry, I just couldn’t help myself,” he apologised but was still laughing, leaning on the kitchen counter. Josh looked good; he was in a surprisingly simple jean and white t-shirt combo but had topped it off by covering himself in fake blood.

“So who are you supposed to be?” Y/N asked, moving past his little scare.

Instead of answering, he pulled a small white device from his pocket and lifted it to his mouth before speaking, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” It seems the device he was using was a voice modulator that deepened Josh’s voice.

"Oh, Billy Loomis!” She pointed at him as she realised, “You look so cool.”

“Thanks,” He replied before looking at her in a way Y/N couldn’t figure out, “You look... well, you lot hot, Y/N.”

She blushed and smiled shyly, "Thanks.”

There was an almost uncomfortably long moment of silence between the two; they both looked away awkwardly, each drawing a long sip from their drinks, “Are you... do you like the party?” Josh broke the party while looking at her expectedly.

“Um yeah!” She replied, and she turned to look at him, “You always know how to plan them.”

“Do you wanna go join Chris and Ash?” He offered gesturing to the dance floor with his thumb.

“Sure.” Y/N allowed Josh to take her hand and lead her onto the dance floor; although they didn’t find Chris and Ashely, they still stayed in the centre of the dance floor.

The crowd cheered as the next song played, and couples quickly gravitated to each other, Y/N blushing as she realised what the song was. However, the drinks were catching up, and her body relaxed as she kept dancing unashamedly.

I'm so into you

I can barely breathe

As she turned slightly as she danced, Y/N felt some hands tentatively reach out and hover by her hips.

And all I wanna do

Is to fall in deep

Turning around, she came face-to-face with Josh. He was looking intently at her eyes, hooded with an unreasonable expression on his face.

But close ain't close enough.

'Til we cross the line,

Before she could lose her nerves, she placed her hands on his and guided them so he was touching her hips. 

So name a game to play.

And I'll roll the dice.

She began to gently sway, allowing the gentle rhythm to control her movements. Josh kept a hold on her hips, slowly stroking her side in circular motions as he continued to watch her.

Oh, baby, look what you started.

The temperature's rising in here.

Y/N looked up at Josh, her stomach twisted as she made eye contact with his intense stare. She started to gently sing along to the words as she maintained eye contact, almost gasping as Josh pulled her closer.

Is this gonna happen?

Lifting her arms, she placed them around his shoulders, linking her hands at the back of his neck before pulling him even closer. Y/N continued to sing along, allowing Josh to feel her breath on his skin.

Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move.

Before I make a move

He paused as he listened to the lyrics she was singing, a spark of hope passing through him as he looked at her carefully. “Are you sure?”

“Uh huh” is the only sound she can make out of before pulling him forward and slamming her lips to his. The moment her lips touch Josh’s, her whole mind goes blank. His lips are slightly chapped, and he tastes like beer, but all Y/N wants is more.

She feels his hand squeeze her hips as he pulls her even closer; at this point he’s practically leaning over her.  When she gasps into the kiss, Josh takes the opportunity to slide his tongue past her parted lips.

A hand slowly slides from her hips to cup her ass gently. Josh smirked into the kiss as he slowly felt through the thin fabric. “Y/N��” He teases, “Are you not wearing underwear?”

Her face grew hot in embarrassment. "I... the bodysuit was too thin, and I didn’t want them showing.”

"Well, I’m certainly not complaining." Josh replied, giving her ass a rough squeeze, “If anything, it just makes you hotter.”

All Y/N can do in reply is pull him back down into another heated kiss. She whined into the kiss and subconsciously ground herself forward into him. Letting out a strangled moan that was drowned out from the music, Josh pulled back from the kiss so he could whisper in her ears.

“Do you wanna take this somewhere private?” His breath was warm against her ears.

“Yeah.” She lets Josh grab her hand and lead her through the crowd. They left the dance floor and made their way upstairs and walked down a long corridor full of couples just making out. Eventually the pair stopped in front of what she recognised as Josh’s room.

“Gimme me a second,” Josh said before pulling out a key. “Didn’t want any strangers doing it on my bed, so I locked it.”

Y/N leant against the wall, giggling as she watched him struggle with the lock for a moment before he was able to swing the door open. He pushed the door open, flicking the light switch on so the room was filled with a dim light. He grabbed Y/N’s hand again, leading her inside and quickly closing the door behind her.

As soon as the door was shut, he pushed her against it, pinning her there with his body as his lips found her neck. He started kissing and gently biting at her skin, smirking into her skin at the little whines she made.

“You have no idea... how much I’ve thought about doing this.” He whispered into her skin, causing shivers to spread through her body.

She pushed him backwards towards the bed and shoved him so he was sitting on the edge of it. “I think I might be able to guess,” she spoke seductively, and she carefully kneeled in front of him.

He leaned back against his elbows as he watched her, his eyes trailing down her body slowly. She leant forward and slowly moved her hands from his thighs up to his crotch, smirking at him as she felt his arousal through his jeans.

“I turn you on that much?” Y/N asked him as her hands absentmindedly stroked him through his clothes.

"Mhm," he hummed out, biting his lower lip slightly. Josh's hands gripped at the sheets, his hips slowly rocking against her hands as a quiet moan left his lips.

She giggled in pleasure at his reaction to her touch, moving her hands to his belt as she fiddled with the buckle. Once the belt was undone, Y/N quickly undid his jeans so she could pull them down, struggling slightly from her position.

Josh lifted his hips as much as he could to make it easier for her; once they were at his ankles, she lifted his feet to pull them off completely. Now only in his boxers, she went back to palming his arousal.

“Fuck Y/N!” He moaned, the feeling of her hands more noticeable through the thin fabric. “You gotta stop, or this is gonna be very disappointing for the both of us.”

When she didn’t stop, he reached down to grab her wrists to pull her hand away. His eyes were closed as he tried to catch his breath, still holding on to her wrist. “Shit… just gimme a minute.” Josh said between breaths.

Y/N pulled her wrist away from his grasp and stood up, moving close to him. She lifted his chin so he was looking at her. Without looking away, she moved even closer to straddle his legs. His hands moved to rest on the upper part of her thighs.

Josh leant forward so their lips touch, pulling back away she followed, lips still connected in a heated kiss. Y/N placed her hand behind his neck before dragging them up and into his hair, causing him to groan against her mouth. She rocked herself against him, gasping as she was able to feel his cock against her pussy between the two thin layers between them.

He hissed from the contact, wrapping one arm tightly around her hip so he could push her closer. His free hand moved from her thigh, gripping the back of your head and tangling itself into her hair.

“Fuck… I need you.” She said between kisses and small moans before pulling away to yank his jumper above his head, which he gladly raised his arms to help with.

In a quick motion, Josh picked Y/N up and turned to put her on the bed. He crawled on top of her so his body rested over hers, one hand gripping her hip, as the other rested above her head as he propped himself up.

“Wait!” She said as Josh started kissing the shell of her ear. “I need to take off the bodysuit.”

He laughed in her ear before responding, “You said you weren’t wearing any underwear right?”

“Yeah… why?”

Josh slowly pushed away from her ear and moved back to look Y/N  in the eyes, an evil smirk slowly forming on his face.

"Well, in that case..." He leaned back further, slowly sliding down her body and kneeling on the bed, “Spread your legs.”

She looked at him suspiciously but still slowly spread her legs for him. He moved further down on the bed, sitting back on his heels so he was level with her hips. He let his fingers slide along her thighs slowly, but then suddenly gripped the thin fabric of her bodysuit and pulled. Y/N's eyes grew wide as she heard a loud rip and felt the cold air on her now bare skin.

“Josh!” She yelled at him, earning a simple smirk in reply. Y/N was about to chastise him but was cut off by her own moan, caused by Josh’s tongue now massaging her folds.

He smiled and hummed into your folds at the sounds you made, causing you to moan louder from the vibration and reach down to pull his face closer. “Josh… please… oh fuck.”

Josh was relentless; as he continued to lap up her juices, he used his fingers to gently rub circles into her clit. His other hand then moved in to her entrance as he slowly inserted a single finger and slowly began to thrust into her.

“I-I’m gonna…” Y/N could barely speak as she was hitting her peak.

“Do it, lemme taste you.” He pulled back to speak before moving back, this time inserting a second finger as he licked. It was too much for Y/N, as she orgasmed not long after. She was thankful the music was so loud downstairs; hopefully it drowned out the sound of her scream.

“Mmhm,” Y/N barely heard Josh through her euphoria. “This might be my favourite taste.”

He lifted his head up from between her legs and looked into her eyes, asking a question without talking. Understanding what he meant, Y/N noted and allowed him to slide himself back on top of her. He paused for a moment, throwing of his boxers, reaching across to his bedside drawer, and pulled out a condom, making sure it was on, before he fully propped himself up above her.

“Are you sure?” He asked verbally this time, giving her a chance to back out as he lined himself up with her cunt.

“Please just fuck me.”

“With pleasure.” With that, he carefully inserted himself, closing his eyes in pleasure, “Shit Y/N, you’re so tight.”

He went slowly, giving her a chance to readjust to his size, stopping once he was fully inserted. Eventually Y/N started moving her hips to his in little thrusts, “I need you to move.”

Slowly he pulled his cock out of her cunt almost to the tip before suddenly slamming himself back, causing Y/N’s back to arch as she screamed out in pleasure. As he found his rhythm, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist, creating a new angle that allowed him to go deeper.

"Fuck, shit.. go faster." She could barely speak between moans, as she felt the pressure building again.

Josh happily obeyed her and picked up the pace, slamming into her harder and faster. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment before Y/N pulled him down into a heated kiss as his thrusts continued.

A low moan escaped Josh's lips as their lips met once more. Neither of them were thinking clearly anymore, too consumed in their own primal lust. He wanted her, all of her.

He pulled out for a moment, gripping her bodysuit from where he’d torn it previously. His muscles tensed as he pulled it apart again; it split upwards, exposing her entire front. With some quick manoeuvring, Josh was able to pull her arms and legs out of the tight fabric, leaving her completely naked.

“Oh god, Y/N, you’re so fucking beautiful." He said before entering her cunt again, thrusting far more erratically than before. When Josh felt his arms begin to give, he held onto Y/N’s waist and flipped them so she was now on top. “Ride me, baby.”

She took a breath, readjusted herself, and slowly began to rock. The feeling of Y/N slowly rocking over him caused a low moan to escape his lips, his fingers digging into her hips.

“Josh… I think gonna cum..." Y/N moaned out as the pressure increased again, indicating she was near her peak.

“Me too… Just keep moving,” he groaned out, pushing her down onto him by her hips. She moved faster and faster, chasing the high that she knew was coming.

Y/N threw her head back as her second orgasm ripped through her; she heard Josh groan as her cunt clenched around his cock. He came not soon after, the tightness causing him to spill into the condom. When she came down from her orgasm, she collapsed on top of him; her body felt numb, and she could barely catch her breath.

After pulling out of her, Josh gently pushed Y/N of him so she was lying at her side. “Just lay there a sec; I’ll be right back.”

She watched him stand from the bed, still completely naked, and make his way into his bathroom. He came back moments later with two glasses of water and a towel draped over his shoulder.

“Here, sit up and drink.” Josh said as he gave her his hand to help pull her upwards before handing her one of the glasses. As she drank, he parted her legs again and tenderly wiped her with the towel, making sure she would be comfortable in the morning.

Once he finished wiping her, he moved to his drawer and pulled out a T-shirt and two boxers. Josh walked back over to Y/N and helped her place his shirt over her shoulders and slide his boxers over her legs. After putting the second pair of boxers on himself, he lay back down next to her.

“Shouldn’t you get back to the party?” She asked as Josh pulled her to his side. “You are the host after all.”

“Nah, Hannah and Beth can deal with the guests,” he replied, pulling the covers over the both of them. “I much prefer this to any party.”

When she hummed in agreement and closed her eyes, Josh smiled softly and leant down to kiss her head before also closing his eyes. They could hear the muffled beat of the party still happening downstairs as they both slipped into sleep, Y/N resting her head on his chest as he held her close.

[zmayadw]

Hello people! 😊

Ok, well a thought crossed my mind, and I don't know if this was mentioned by someone already (I'm lazy to search it 😅), so I would like to share it with you, and also maybe see what you all think about it! It's both about Duskwood and Moonvale!

❗️This will contain Moonvale spoilers, so if you haven't finished it, you have been warned! ❗️

So this is both about the end of Duskwood and (mostly) end of Moonvale.

We all remember that last scene with Hannah, right? And we all screamed "who did she seeeeee?!?!?" Ok, so I have a theory now, which I thought about before many times, but after the ending of Moonvale I'm even more sure that it could be very much possible.

So, I very much now believe that Hannah saw Jake, who actually had Richy with him. And here is why:

When we find out about the fake stream, we can then tell Jake about it. It is about the same time when Alan tells us that the FBI arrived.

When we talk to Jake, he also tells us he found out about it, and that he want's to deactivate it so we can find Hannah, but we tell him she was just escorted by Alan, and that we (or Alan, depends what you chose) will find Richy, and that he has to hurry because of the FBI.

So, here it got me thinking:

We can conclude for sure that Jake deactivate the fake stream, because we get a message from Alan to check the stream. BUT, we have no idea if Jake saw the real stream, or if he just deactivated it and ran.

And that last video in Moonvale from Alan's body camera makes me even more sure that Hannah saw the two of them. Why? Here is why:

It's possible that Jake stumbled on Richy somewhere in the mine as he was trying to get out, and with possibility that he still doesn't know that Richy was behind it all, he just pulled him out with him. So when they got out, in that whole commotion with the police and the FBI, he actually managed to use it as a leverage before anyone could realize who he was, and just ran into the woods.

When at the end of Moonvale we get that message with the video of Alan's body camera, it just fits with this theory. Alan was there, and as the chief of the Duskwood police he probably was informed by the FBI about a person they suspect is also somewhere in the mine or close vicinity. And even though I believe Alan probably didn't tell them anything about his possible knowledge about it, he still is a police officer. So when someone (probably from the FBI) noticed Jake, Alan too was just doing his duty and joined on in the search through the woods (maybe even helped somehow our beloved hacker boy to manage and escape! 😏)

We learn from conversation with Ash that there was no talk in the news about anyone else being in the mine, which is kinda logical, considering the FBI would probably try to keep it from being published. And yes, in that conversation she also hint's/comfirms that Richy didn't survive, but who is to say that he wasn't still alive when Jake brought him out? 🤷‍♀️

Ok, that's it! Sorry this was so long again! 😅 And I would very much like to hear what you think about this! So please, don't be shy, share your 'two cents'! I miss theorizing (is this the correct word?!) with you lovely people! 💚

So that's why I believe Hannah saw Jake and Richy at the end of Duskwood. 😁

Because if that's not the case, then I'm back at screaming "who did Hannah saaaaaaaaaw??"

[pavlovianpanic]

so, i guess i should probably clarify a bit about what curses i'm referencing and how i handle the creature aspect of until dawn because the two coincide so heavily.

to start, i like until dawn, as in i am a fan of until dawn, so i can love it for what it is while quietly correcting a few things. that being said, i actually like to take out a lot of what they've established to leave a more confusing narrative. a purposefully confusing narrative for both us and the characters.

something i like about horror is leaving some things unclarified, leaving the audience guessing, even leaving the characters wondering what just happened. it follows the idea that we aren't quite sure what we were dealing with ... but we had a hell of time along the way.

so, the curses: i split it into two ways — the land itself was already cursed, which i leave sort of vague, but that's what we see affecting people pre-disposed (the miners, for example) to this curse before the main cast comes into the picture.

additionally, the washington family already came "pre-cursed" of something else entirely; their greed (thus, their hunger — it's never enough). i'm more focusing on the washington family here than the overall lore, which i don't really want to start getting into and rewriting as a whole.

i leave it to imply that this could have either started with robert washington or already existed in their bloodline long before robert was even born. the culmination of the washington family coming to the mountain sort of "marked" this family for life.

even if they could escape their own generational curse, they can't escape what's been activated for them. there's a really great quote from bsi by elizabeth where she says "what i have done cannot be undone. i cannot stop what i have put into motion." <- i think that's very applicable here. the events of what has been done before them will continue to unfold long after them. this quote can literally be used for any of these characters, from robert to josh to matt to mike to any of them.

this is why, while hannah is experiencing a creature transformation (thus what we see), she is also suffering "a hunger" that pangs from her own cursed line — that hunger of greed, of envy, of needing more, and of doing anything to survive. she is a survivalist. hannah isn't just falling to something outside of her control, but also something internally imprinted on her DNA.

which is what i have also happen to josh in his creature!verse. a transfer, if you will. it makes sense that the good older brother should take the pain of his sister. they share this same curse, this same "source", thus the same possession (being possessed by their hunger, their own innate and taught need for more).

aesthetically, i like the idea of a body essentially starting to shift into a super predator — the teeth, the jointed limbs to run on all fours, more animalistic. it's the distorted corpse aspect i'm featuring, the thinning of the hair, the loss of skin pigmentation (as the user has technically died, more they do not control their own body, thus it's almost vampiric), glassy eyes (thus shifting their vision into that predator vision we see in-game), the lengthening of the nails — which is where josh is sort "caught" between the two, once again ushering him into a new era of duality (as duality is a huge character arc of his, basically his whole arc arguably). again, i'd argue this is almost bordering into vampire territory. just not twilight vampires and more ... 30 days of night vampires? almost?

i've considered if they can even go out in sunlight, we only really see them at night ever, but that would be stretching more into comparing what lore was established over what i'd like to keep or edit. i'm not here to rewrite until dawn, just to be clear. i do have some inferences that josh is sunlight-avoidant in that verse, though.

as for why or where or even when this curse began? we don't know. that's the beauty of it. we're just as clueless as the cast, which also would make it much more difficult to fight them, which goes along with relying a lot on that diary for information. it's a transference of basically "here's what works, what doesn't, here's what we know" kind of vibes. trial and error. but as for the source? again, it's a cursed land. no one from "that time" is alive to give good faith one way or the other, so i imagine it's just a lot of rumor and speculation.

they're called creatures, monsters, and sometimes my characters might even call them vampires because ... they have no idea what is even going on. they're ignorant, and that's kind of the point imo. even josh's family is shown to disregard the land to build their dream vacation home. not even their real home, a vacation home. so ... in general? this cast? is not made up of respectful people. just look at how they treat and talk to each other if you need more evidence of that.

[thatravenpuffgirl]

Susan Bones

Canon:

She was born around 1980

She's a Half-Blood. This means that either her father was a Pureblood (since her last name comes from his side) and her mother was a Half-Blood, or her mother was a pureblood and her father a half-blood, or both of them were half-bloods already.

Her wizarding family were rather powerful and respected during the First Wizarding War, but because of this most of her family were murdered by Death Eaters in the aftermath.

We don't know if her parents were murdered during this time, but the only relevant family of the Bones that is canon is Amelia Bones, Susan's aunt, but she was killed in July 1996

She was a Hufflepuff, in the same year as the golden trio.

She seemed to be friends with Seamus Finnigan and Hermione Granger, as Hermione and Susan were paired together for Herbology and DADA in their second year and both had a crush on Professor Lockhart during that time, although it's unknown if they were friends after that. She's also seen talking with Seamus during classes and DA meetings.

We do know she was good friends with the Hufflepufss in her year, Hannah Abbott, Ernie Macmillan, and Justin Flinch-Fletchley, all of who were also members of the DA. It's unknown if she was friends with Zacharias Smith, another Hufflepuff in her year, even though he did attend DA meetings.

In her sixth year, she splinched herself while attending Aparating classes, losing one of her legs, although it was later reattached.

She was a member of the DA Army, but it isn't known if she was present during the Battle of Hogwarts, although it is most likely since she did attend Hogwarts for her seventh year at that time.

It is also not confirmed in canon whether she survived the second wizarding war, although it is most likely since her name wasn't listed among the deceased.

We also don't know what she did in the aftermath of the war

My Headcanons and Fancast for her (some of these are info about the bones family as well):

Eleanor Columbus as young Susan Bones:

Alice Englert as older Susan Bones:

She was born on October 22nd, 1979

Her Patronus is a Beagle

Her wand is made from Willow wood with a Unicorn core, 10 inches long, and swishy.

Her star sign is Libra

She's a half-blood

Her parents were Oscar Bones (Half-blood) and Eleanor Bones (Pure-blood).

Her grandparents were Alfred (Pure-blood) and Dorthory (Muggle-born), and the parents of Oscar, Amelia and Edgar Bones. Edgar was the oldest, Amelia was the middle child, and Oscar was the youngest.

Her grandparents were nicknamed Alfie and Dottie

Since she was raised by muggles, Susan's grandmother grew up reading muggle literature, which she absolutely adored. She was the one to come up with the names for her two sons, who were named after Edgar Poe and Oscar Wilde, both muggle English poets

Her uncle, Edgar, had three kids with his wife, Edith (Pure-blood) Chester Bones (eldest) and two daughters, Theodora and Mabel, who all died in the war in 1981, shortly before Voldemort was finally defeated.

Edgar and Edith were both around 33 when they died, their son Chester was around 12, and Theodora and Mabel were around 10 and 8 respectively.

Her parents were murdered by Voldemort shortly after her 1st birthday in 1980, a year before the war ended. They were both around 24 years old.

Her aunt, Amelia Bones, one of the few surviving members of the Bones family, took Susan in just after Susan's parents' death and raised her as her own, she was about 28 at the time.

Susan would call Amelia aunty mum.

Although Amelia was quite busy with her Ministry work, she did try to spend as much time with Susan as possible.

Susan had lived in Godric's Hollow with her parents, along with her uncle Edgar, Aunt Edith and her cousins, although once Amelia became her guardian, she moved to Wimbourne. Her uncle and aunty stayed, as Edgar was working alongside the Order of the Phoenix and James and Lily Potter, fellow members, lived there as well, albeit secretly, and Edgar thought he should look out for the Potters.

The Abbot family also lived in Godric's Hollow and were close with the Bones family. They stayed at Godric's Hollow until Edgar and Edith Bones' deaths, and then they moved to Wimbourne to be with Amelia and Susan Bones.

Hannah Abbott and Susan would grow up together, and their two families would make the trip to King's Cross Station to see the girls leave for each of their years at Hogwarts.

Susan and Hannah were both obviously sorted into Hufflepuff.

Susan wasn't one to actually play quidditch, but she rooted for the Wimbourne Wasps.

She loved Herbology and the History of Magic, and eventually the extra-curricular subjects, Muggle Art and Wizarding Art.

You'd just constantly find her in the greenhouses working on her plants or sketching, drawing and painting. or pouring over history books from the library.

Susan and Hannah would become good friends with Ernie Macmillian and Justin Finch-Fletchley.

They were basically known as the Hufflepuff Four.

She developed a crush on Ernie in her second year

She was good friends with a few Gryffindors in her year, like Hermione Granger, Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan.

Dean was quite talented in art, although he didn't tell many people, and Susan was one of the few he'd show his artwork to.

Hermione and Susan would meet officially on the Hogwarts Express at the start of the second year, and the two loved discussing the book, History of Magic, both of them having read it thoroughly.

They were also paired in Herbology, DADA, and History of Magic, and you'd often see them giggling together.

Susan was the one to make Hermione open up very easily early on, which she wouldn't do around even her other close friends, Ron and Harry, until much later.

Susan was upset when Hermione was petrified during the second year, along with Justin.

She'd visit the Hospital Wing constantly, and took notes for classes for both Hermione and Justin.

Although they weren't necessarily close, Susan was an acquaintance of Harry through Hermione and was one of the few who didn't think that he was behind the attacks in the second year, and would tell Hannah and Ernie off when they were convinced he was.

And Susan was friends with Seamus through Dean and would confide in him about things, especially since his mother was also working at the ministry. Although, they'd get into a disagreement when Seamus didn't believe the trio about Voldemort.

During the third year, she'd pick Wizard and Muggle art, Muggle Studies and Music as her extra-curricular classes.

Hermione and she were in the same Muggle studies class, and they'd often study together, and discuss recommendations for muggle books and music.

She loved music class as well and played the harp.

Susan would be concerned for Hermione because she was aware Hermione was using the time-turner to take so many classes. Although, she did enjoy the story of Hermione punching Malfoy, and thought it was a good thing Hermione was letting loose.

Before the beginning of the fourth year, Susan's Auntie would get free tickets to the Quidditch World Cup because of her position in the ministry, and Susan would go along with Ernie, Justin and Hannah. She'd also run into a few of other her friends there, including Hermione, Seamus and Dean.

Although she was excited when Cedric was picked as Hogwarts Champion and thought that Harry should not have been allowed to enter the tournament, she didn't believe that Harry put his name in the goblet of fire. She supported both Harry & Cedric, and refused to participate in picking sides, unlike Ernie and Hannah. Justin was the same, as he learnt his lesson from 2nd year, realising that he shouldn't have judged without all the facts.

Susan stood by Hermione and didn't believe the rumours Rita Skeeter was making up about her. Susan was the only one who knew that Fred Weasley was Hermione's first kiss and not Victor Krum and that Hermione only viewed Krum as a friend.

Susan went to the Yule Ball with Zacharias Smith, mostly as friends though.

She was over the moon when she found out that Hermione and Fred were dating

Susan was saddened by Cedric's death. Although she was afraid, she did believe that Voldemort was back.

In her fifth year, she was upset when Ernie (who she still had a crush on) started dating Leanne, a Hufflepuff and friend of Katie Bell after they both joined the Hufflepuff Quidditch team to honour Cedric (who they had admired greatly) as a keeper and chaser respectively.

However, she started dating Zacharias Smith that same year. Zacharias was a Chaser on the Hufflepuff Team as well.

And Susan would read up on quidditch to support both her boyfriend and friend

Justin and she were also definitely the conspirators behind getting Neville Longbottom and Hannah together when they started noticing the two hanging out together a lot more.

Suan had previously been friends with Neville for a while, as they had been paired together for Herbology the year prior, but thought Hannah would be a good match for him.

She'd also joined Dumbledore's Army that year, and enjoyed the lessons., Susan was the one to convince her 4 Hufflepuff friends (Ernie, Zacharias, Hannah and Justin) to join.

However, this caused issues between Zacharias and her, the former being continuously sceptical of harry, Hermione and ron, and the return of Voldemort, whereas Susan believed it was true, and didn't like the comments her boyfriend would make towards her friends. After about 6 months of dating, the pair would split.

Note: Part 2 coming soon!

[shera-dnd]

I got the game Soulstice for free in the Epic Game Store like ages ago and finally decided to play it

AND OH BOY

That was not what I was expecting and I mean that entirely as a compliment

Game feels like a lower budget Devil May Cry. The aesthetic is beautiful, the world is fantastic, the story is cheesy at times but still really good, and I'm simply in love with the two main characters

The gameplay is a bit rough around the edges. Like it's very clear this is this dev team's first attempt at making this type of game, but they have plenty of interesting ideas and takes on classic mechanics that will only get better as they gain more experience

Not sure if that has been announced yet, but I'm fully convinced that Soulstice 2 is gonna be a fucking banger

Anyways I highly recommend this game to anyone who loves dark fantasy and has an itching for some good DMC-like action

But well this is my blog and y'all know what I'm about.

IT'S TIME FOR THOSE SEXY FUCKING THEMES BABY!

short version: this is a story about relationships and how people help each other survive their shared trauma

Like our main characters are a scarred warrior and the ghost of her little sister! LIKE SHE'S LITERALLY HAUNTED BY HER DEAD SISTER! THIS AIN'T SUBTLE!

ANYWAYS

Now it's time for the long version under the cut, so be weary of spoilers!

Alright let's do some set up here

Okay so our girls, Briar and Lute, are a "chimera" which in this setting means two souls placed into a single body

So guess what the shared trauma that those two have to get over is THE DEATH OF EVERYONE THEY KNOW INCLUDING THEMSELVES

And that's the trauma all chimeras in the game suffered. They all had to die to become what they are now. They all suffered and they were all changed by that suffering

And to top it all off, every chimera at some point will become so changed by their transformation that they'll lose all sense of the person they were before and turn into a destructive monster

This is known as transcendence, and every chimera would rather die than transcend

AND THAT, MY GOOD BITCH, IS THE CENTER OF MY ARGUMENT HERE

Because we see plenty of transcended throughout the game. The 3 big bosses of the game are all transcended chimera, all people who are just like our protagonist. People who were changed by their trauma and lost themselves to it

And the thing is Briar and Lute transcend too, but instead of it consuming them and turning them into a monster, it makes them stronger.

And why the fuck is that? well, it's because of the way they deal each deal with their trauma and how they relate to each other

Like Jared and Jadon

They straight up DON'T deal with their trauma. They don't unpack shit. They just try to move forward, act tough, and be loud and boastful.

When they transcend that's all that remains of them. Their humanity is lost, replaced only with that drive to never stop moving, never stop fighting, be loud, be strong, take on the next challenge, and the next, and the next, and the next.

Armina and Damian are somehow even worse. They're entirely fueled by spite and a sense of superiority. They hate each other and their hate is what keeps them going, that and the act they put on of being better than each other

When they transcend they get consumed by their self destructive tendencies, fighting for control over their body and constantly belittling each other. Hell their transcended form literally features a pair of hands wrapped around their own neck

THIS ISN'T FUCKING SUBTLE!

Then there's Donovan and Hannah. By the triarchy, these two

Donovan, the good and kind father who clung desperately to his dying daughter. Clung so tightly in fact that all he did was prolong her suffering. He held on until Hannah's death consumed and destroyed him

Donovan is a mindless being in this transcended form, only Hannah's pain and resentment remains

So in short, they all suck. They hide their pain and cling to these masks, and these toxic relationships. They refuse to change until change becomes inevitable and fully consumes them

And so they're all destroyed by their own pain

And sure they're antagonists, but the story constantly asks you to understand them and their pain. None of them are like this because they wanted to, none of them became monsters by their own choice. None of them chose to suffer this trauma

And neither did Briar and Lute

They constantly talk about the pain of becoming a chimera, of how this change was forced upon them and how it was never their choice

They feel like they're less than human and that they can never go back to who they once were

They too are on the path to transcendence

But the difference is that Lute and Briar make each other stronger. They help each other move forward and even deal with the past trauma that led to their new existence

Hell your major power upgrades are straight up locked behind flashback sequences in which they confront the events that led to their death and subsequent rebirth as a chimera

Not to mention that they have other people to help them deal with their crap. They have Layton (begrudgingly) and Donovan (for a bit) to help them process everything that has happened and IS happening to them

And in the end our girls realize that... yeah, this sucks. They got changed by forces beyond their control and made to suffer for it

But that doesn't have to define who they are and what they do. Their trauma changed them, but it isn't all that they are

They support each other through the pain and when they transcend it's (for the first time) by their own choice

They accepted their pain, they confronted their trauma, and they chose to change. So unlike every single other transcended in the game, they get to remain themselves, they may look different but they're still Briar and Lute

their deaths, their transformation, their pain

None of it gets to decide who they are

And my god does that lead to a lovely ending sequence

Genuinely cannot wait to see what comes next for these two as they go after the people behind all that pain and try to help more of their fellow chimera

so uh... yeah. Cool game

[108garys]

Why is she like that?

@kassiekolchek22 Here's my way too long, half awake analysis of Em's behavior and attitude throughout until dawn, it is both rambling and has video references✨

Also I'd like to put a little disclaimer that any talking bad about the other characters doesn't necessarily represent my views on them so much as I'm trying to look at things from Emily's pov so buckle in and I hope you like it 😁

I get that it's easy to hate Em, she's a down right bitch that starts drama and is an asshole to her boyfriend and she has an annoying voice.

But you gotta look at things from her pov, a girl in her social circle is out here coming onto her boyfriend openly, shamelessly disrespecting her and her relationship. Of course she'd be mad, then her best friend suggests she should be taught a lesson, says that she's looking out for her and in her anger she agrees but then it goes terribly wrong and the girl and her sister vanish off the face of the earth. She stamps down whatever negative feelings she has for the girl because she's missing, most likely dead. The fact that Hannah was boundary stomping herself isn't relevant and Em must set it aside.

Then in the aftermath her relationship crumbles, which is understandable given that's a hard thing to face but then her best friend, who got the ball rolling on the prank, who claimed she was just looking out for Em swoops in and gets together with her ex, now that is a certain type of betrayal that screws with a person.

Then a year later on the anniversary of the worst day of all their lives thus far and she's faced with the two people who broke her heart and trust being happy together, she starts saying a bunch of insecure bs and think about it, she's an over achiever, top of her class, athletic and independent. None of that meant jack all to the people she was closest to when everything that comes out of her mouth makes her sound like a bitch.

So in her new relationship there's this underlying fear, will she be enough? Is she too much? Is he secretly interested in her friends? When did Jess actually catch Mike's eye? So she gets clingy, paranoid, down playing her strengths, she needs him to show up for her(and let's face it the way most people play Matt, that doesn't really happen), under the most favourable circumstances there is a glimmer of that working.

But when she's on her own all she has is her, it's traumatising, life and death and yes she screams and cries and survives based on what she minimised(potential after also being betrayed by her new boyfriend). She faces unspeakable horror almost all alone, she faces it all and just barely gets out alive(all before anyone else even knows what's really going on) and for her trouble she gets her ex pointing a gun in her face. It could end right there, you had to do it didn't you? Betrayed again. On the other hand, all her fears are confirmed and it was meaningless and the betrayer has the audacity to talk about how she was scared(she doesn't get to confront mike so that's neither here nor there). So she slaps her and even then some people act like she was being unreasonable because she's just an awful whinny bitch right?

Additional information. Em's best scene that that shows her in the best light in her relationship with Matt and generally shows what she's like when she's not on edge/the defensive was cut from most people's games and is apparently really hard to get a hold of(sony was like "this scene can be for pre-order only😑). This unfortunately makes it much harder to max Em and Matt's approval and makes it far more likely that they'll have a bad relationship through out the game.

Now looking at Em and Mike and the other side of the subsequent relationships, firstly we don't know how long Em and Mike were together and we don't know the exact timeline of the relationship dynamics over the past 12 months, what we do know is that Em and Mike hooked up one additional time after their official break up. We don't know if this is after they both got into new relationships or when only one of them had or if they had started seeing other people without committing yet making it a bit of a blurry area so take it however you will but I think it's one of those things that's too easy to twist one way or the other for most/least charitable interpretations.

All this said if Matt doesn't see Em and Mike hugging(which whatever went down in the grey area I do think that it really was like Mike said it was, at least from his pov), it opens an additional dialogue on the ruined fire tower where he yells at Em to treat him better, like straight gets her dangling for her life to repeat after him that she promises to treat him like a human and sure Matt growing a spine is a moment but this is an Emily pov post, so it's like something clicks in her head where you can see that she really didn't notice how awful she was to him and how her issues effected her new relationship, in this version she'll ask about him in the end, either devastated that she wasn't better to him before he died or so very afraid that he'll leave her before she has a chance to fix it(this is her expressed with her asking the interviewer if he knows how much she cares for him and if he said they were together). Again it really doesn't help her case that she really does have an annoying voice so even when she's being sincere she still sounds like a bitch

Below we have the cut scene that shows Em and Matt's dynamic actually sort of working

High relationship Em talking about Matt in the interview(at the start of the video)

And around 2:17 we have the option for Matt to tell Emily to treat him better

And this one was just a bit funny

That concludes my reasons why I don't hate Em, maybe you still do and that's cool too but regardless I hope you understand her better

[nullbutler]

Season 2 but it's only when Alois is around

so I just finished rewatching season 2! I made TO THE SECOND time stamps of every time Alois Trancy appears on screen (as well as a few other notable things, such as when the explicit/violent parts happen, when Luka appears, and a few lines that were worth mentioning). here is your Tumblr Alois Stan Season 2 Survival Guide! While it's not everything (I didn't write down the post-mortem Hannah eyeball scene) it is 95% of the Alois content in that season!

This was using the version currently avaliable on Netflix. if the season has been cropped or altered on other streaming sites, I don't know how helpful this guide will be! sorry about that! Also, while I tried my best to warn potentially triggering subject matter, and I'm pretty sure I got all of it, I am not 100%, so if you're going to rewatch the season, please get in a headspace where you know, there is a small chance you might see something. The worst, however, has been caught

TIMESTAMPS FOR THE CSA

EP#1 CLAWED BUTLER -- 0:00-1:14

EP#8 DIVULGING BUTLER -- 9:06-10:36, 12:36-13.59 18.35-18.46

EP#9 HOLLOW BUTLER -- 16:43-16:57

Episode 5-7 have a lot of Alois scenes, but nothing in relationship to his trauma, so if you want an entirely 'safe' and non-triggering viewing, those are your best bet! Episode 1 is also fine, if you start it directly after the opening

TMESTAMPS FOR OTHER DISCOMFORTS

If I were to try to keep track of all of this, then the list would be extensive and long BUT in regards to Alois in particular, a few scenes did jump out at me as being potentially a little ... weird

EP#1 CLAWED BUTLER --

9:27-9:42 (Druitt says something weird and pervy)

EP#8 DIVULGING BUTLER --

0:00-2:02 (Nothing explicit, but he is naked, bandaged, and the camera is...you know how the camera is. Some weird dialogue too, between him and Hannah and Claude. It's nothing too bad)

3:39-4:31 (The Hannah scene. Some people told me they were uncomfortable with the way he tackled her, even if it was just the camera being a little weird)

(If the triggering stuff really bothers you, just don't want Divulging Butler, that episode was...weird)

LIVE LUKA REACTION

EP#8 DIVULGING BUTLER -- 5:02-9:04

EP#9 HOLLOW BUTLER -- 11:45-13:15

EP#11 CROSSROADS BUTLER -- 14:58-16:25

EP#12 BLACK BUTLER -- 12:05-12:28

ACTUAL TIMESTAMPS

It'll take ages to jot these down, so here are the pictures of the notes I was taking. Every time Alois Trancy was on screen, I took note of it

Uhhh fun fact my therapist called me halfway through and I had to write down a number. That's what that scribbled out thing is. Haha...oh, if only she knew...

ALOIS OUTFITS

Also, as per something @hateweasel said, I decided I had to keep track of what outfits he was wearing throughout the episodes. And I can proudly say the little shorts only show up in episode 1, 2 minutes in episode 5, all of the scenes of him in the present in Episode 8, and all of the scenes of him in Ciel's mind palace in episode 12. So about 20 minutes total. This is out of the approximate 50 minutes of Alois Time in the series, with his other outfits cycling in at the maid dress, the devil costume, his normal outfit but with trousers, and then Ciel's outfit while he's possessing him, and then his clothes as a kid.

Here is a diagram. I made up those numbers. I could have added it second by second, and that was my plan, and I started, but it was really really boring

NOTABLE LINES

Some things I just found funny

EP#1 CLAWED BUTLER - Druitt says 'Among us' at 9:55

EP#5 BEACON BUTLER - Alois licks Ciel at 15:34-15:40. It should be noted he spends like 10 seconds proceeding that playing with Ciel's hair and Ciel DOES NOT pull away from him or even seem that disturbed. Huh.

EP#7 DEATHLY BUTLER - There's these shots as the two butlers fight each other where they show the boys reacting. We get 'live Lois reaction' at 6:12, 6:19, 7:39, 9:01, 10:18,10:38, 11:27

In the same episode, the piss line is at 15:23-15:50

EP#9 HOLLOW BUTLER - Ciel actually says he feels regret after Alois dies. This is at 10:10.

Alois's village is also revealed to be called Arachnophile. Ah.

Alois is dead at 20:39

EP#11 CROSSROADS BUTLER - while possessing the body of Ciel Phantomhive, Alois actually tries to hurt himself. It's kind of painful to watch. This occurs at 6:23-6:59, 11:57-13:07

EP#12 BLACK BUTLER - Alois speaks last at 12:05

[madisonrooney]

Question, Has Dove's evolution from disney girl to bad ass pop girl lessened your love for her at all? Cause I know some people aren't into the brunette badass version of her

short answer, no. she means the world to me and i don't think anything could ever change that, especially bc of the irl relationship we have.

long answer, it was a bit of an adjustment at first in some ways. id already gone through the same thing with miley, and that made it both easier and harder. easier in the sense that it wasnt my first time dealing with this type of situation but harder in the sense that i had thought that id already gone through that once and wouldn't have to again with dove.

shes gone on record to say that up until about last year, she'd kind of created this fake persona for the public to please people but it wasn't really her, which at first made me afraid that i'd fallen in love with someone who never really existed. but i've come to terms with that. for one thing, i know i'm not the only fan who's been around for years and it's not like she's denounced those fans. plus i think she may have been exaggerating a bit, bc for those of us like myself who have been paying close attention to her from the beginning, you can see many aspects of her that have remained constant, both the lighter parts of her personality that have remained and the darker aspects that were present even years ago (when she would talk about descendants and say she was always more interested in the villains than the princesses, when she said ruby hale was the type of role she'd always wanted to play among many other things regarding ruby, etc.) in an interview from a few days ago, she talked about how she kind of wants to clarify that she's neither extreme of perfect girl next door or evil badass but somewhere in between, and that's kind of how i'd already seen her anyway so it was nice to hear her say that.

the thing that's been the hardest is any time she talks at all negatively about her disney days bc of how much liv and maddie and descendants mean to me. that hasn't happened a lot tho, im just sensitive to even a just barely negative comment. plus, she's still talked positively about those roles within the last year or so, not to mention the cloud 9 tattoos she got with kiersey clemmons lol. from my understanding, she does want to leave that behind her but she still has a love for that time of her life and believes it was right for her at the time, and i can live with that. if miley was full on volatile about hannah montana and i somehow was not only surviving but thriving in the bangerz era, i can learn to accept what dove has said about her disney days.

plus.....her badassery makes her all the more attractive to me. so theres that.

if people dont want to be a fan of hers anymore obvs thats their choice but it can be sad to see given that this was less of a change and more of her fully expressing who's she's been all along, especially bc she's said it's very much tied to her public coming out process.

[neurodiversebones]

booth!! (for the mountain goats lyrics thing :D)

OH i have strong ideas about this . the lead singer of TMG is catholic and their music is FULL of catholic imagery (every song from The Life of The World To Come is named after a bible verse- my fav song from that album is hebrews 11:40 i fucking love that song) !! and a lot of their music focuses on survival, recovery, shitty pasts, and addiction so . VERY booth . this turned into deep booth character analysis through TMG so it's below the cut since it's long as hell

cotton: this is one of the top three songs of all time for me and is sooo booth-coded to me.

this song is for the soil / that's toxic clear down to the bedrock : booth thinks there's something fundamentally wrong with him because of his childhood. he is terrified of becoming his father and continuing that cycle of abuse

this song is for the people / who tell their families that they're sorry / for things they can't and won't feel sorry for : booth has... a lot of guilt engrained within him. he needs to make things right for everyone, needs to make sure that he is perfect and can never hurt anyone again. he feels the need to fix things he hasn't even done, make up for things he couldn't help but do.

this song is for the cars / that are right now headed silent down the highway / and it's dark and there is nobody driving / and something has got to give : this lyric reminds me a lot of young booth- hurtling toward something dangerous, knowing that really, the only way for this to stop is for either him or his father to die. something has got to give, and it's going to be him.

genesis 30:3 : this song is soooo booth being in love with brennan and loving her no matter what, wanting to do the best for her because she does the best for him.

talked about the days they said were sure to come / had a hard time believing : both of them grew up accepting that they were never really going to be happy. brennan believed she'd never be in love, and booth accepted that he'd never get to be with the woman he loved. this line specifically feels like late season 6 b&b to me, post hannah breakup but pre b&b getting together, in that weird sad self aware era (which is where we get some of my favourite b&b moments ever- blackout in the blizzard my BELOVED)

for several hours we lay there, the last ones of our kind / harder days coming, maybe i don't mind : the two of them find peace together once they *finally* stop chasing each other down. they know their lives are both hard, they know there will still be pain and hurt, but they love each other, and that's enough for now.

open up the promise of the day / drive the dark things away / i will do what you ask me to do / because of how i feel about you : booth would literally do anything to see brennan smile, to heal her from all the hurt she's experienced. she showed him what love and joy and safety felt like, and he wants her to feel the same. he would without a doubt, do anything for her.

spent gladiator 2 : this song is angry booth. it's his trauma, his hurt. the anger and betrayal he tries to keep inside of him but just... can't.

like a spent gladiator / crawling through the dust / who can count on his remaining limbs / all the people he can trust : booth really has never had anyone in his life. before brennan, the only people in his life he could genuinely trust to care about him were probably his pops and cam. he almost feels like he deserves it- like this is who he is, like it's his job to be alone and be hurt.

like someone who's found a small town to escape to / keeps one eye on his abandoned former self : even when he's started to heal (or... "heal"- sure, he isn't so outwardly angry, but he's not happy), he is terrified of becoming that person again. he's terrified of going back to that dark place, where he didn't care about anyone, because he really didn't care about himself.

stay in the game / just try to play through the pain : booth will never express his emotions, or let them get in the way of his work. he's always fine, no matter how miserable he is. he's always had to work through the pain, just live through it, because acknowledging it wouldn't make it stop, it'd just make it more real.

[hacked-by-jake]

Hey lovely! I hope you're doing well! And I'm sorry for another ask, but I honestly don't know the answer and was wondering if you'd like to help me brainstorm. Say Richy survived the fire, how long would he be in prison? (I'm writing a oneshot about it I think........maybe, if my brain works)

Thanks for being amazing by the way, and fantastic, and awesome. Thanks for being amazingly, fantastically awesome. ;)

Hehe, I'm leaving now, I swear 💙💙💙

Oh dear, that’s a really hard question, I’m honest, I have absolutely no idea. 😅

But I actually have to say that I don’t think richy has to go to jail at the beginning. I very much doubt that he is considered sane in court, the man is anything but sane.

So I think that maybe he will be admitted to a forensic psychiatry (where mentally ill offenders are housed).

Maybe one day he’ll be transferred to a prison if one thinks he’s halfway clear again.

And since I’m not a lawyer, I have to say that I can’t even estimate how many years it will be.

I mean:

Kidnapping,

Deprivation of liberty,

(Grievous) bodily harm

Threat in several cases.

Faking of criminal offences.

Vandalism.

Hiding a body in two cases.

Disturbance of the dead rest.

Evasion and theft of evidence.

Reputation damage in several cases.

In Germany, the penalty for kidnapping as with Hannah is around 5-10 years.

The list of things is incredibly long and I think the time he will spend in prison/ custody is long.

On top of that, again, we don’t know for sure in what legal system we are.

So that of Germany, or that of America, or from where else, as I said, I think Duskwood is in a parallel universe.

So I’m very sorry but I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea what to answer. I guess 10 years and up, but I don’t know exactly, I think anything I could say would be terribly wrong.

Maybe someone can say a bit more in the comments or similar and has a better idea than me.

I'm so sorry I can't help you much with it. But such things are always pretty hard to answer.

And of course, thank you soooo incredibly much for your kind words! I can only give it back to you. You're so wonderful and kind and amazing. I really don't know what I did to always deserve all those kind word form you. Seriously, it means everything to me and I feel so honoured. You're fantastic, love! Don't ever forget that! 💚🥹 And don't leave! Or at least, come back soon. I'm going to miss you. 🤭💚

[becauseiamnotanelephant]

The journey

The flight was long and not super comfortable, but I was exhausted and fell asleep before we took off (because we gate checked our carseat and stroller, we got to board early, but that meant an hour early...way too much time to add to an 8 hour flight). Hannah was wired but she finally fell asleep and I was able to get 7 hours of sleep and she was able to get almost 8 hours. Really not terrible, considering.

Our arrival in Rome was pretty easy, but the theme of the day was waiting in long lines. The customs line in Rome was unreal (and crazy because all the families with small kids were without strollers since baggage claim follows the customs check). A security guard saved us about 45 minutes in the line by letting us cut and go directly to a customs agent (I think he was finding the families with the smallest kids and cutting us a break).

Finally in Rome, we then had to wait on another line to check in for our flight to Bari, and then were nervous about the next security line, but luckily they had a family line and it took 2 minutes to clear security the second time. We rushed to our gate only to find we had to wait in line for 2 hours for our delayed flight to Bari (apparently there were airline strikes in France and everything was delayed?). I don't even know how long we'd been traveling, subsisting only on snacks, and we weren't even at our destination. Hannah was a real trouper and was surviving on her love of the endless snacks and her totally excitement that we are in Italy! She's getting more comfortable saying "ciao" and we'll see if we can expand beyond that.

We made it to Bari, waited another zillion hours for our rental car, and then drove our final 40 minutes to our airbnb in Polignano a Mare, where we are staying for 2 nights. We arrived around 10:30 Pm and Hannah crashed really hard in the car, but was awake by the time we were settled. I convinced everyone to go for a walk (gelato is going to be my best motivator). It was really only 6PM for us so I felt like a crazy parent taking Hannah out but we desperately needed real food and it turned out that the whole town was awake and hanging out in the center, so a perfect introduction to summer in Italy. It's hot, the bread is amazing, the gelato is delicious and not expensive, and the city is alive!

Our arrival back at the airbnb was not as wonderful - we couldn't figure out how to open our apartment door, so after sweating 5 lbs of water in the hallway, running off to find Hannah a bathroom, and 5 phone calls with our host, we finally made it back inside our cool apartment. Hannah was so wired that it took 90 minutes for her to fall asleep, but we made it!

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Hello hello Ange~

Happy late Valentine’s!! Thank you for asking my question! I’ve added some of those shows to my watch list!! “The Fall of the House of Usher” sounded really interesting. As to answer the hyperfixation question, I recently watched Billy the Kid (I grew up watching westerns with my dad, so I jumped at the opportunity for memory sake), and ended up really falling for Tom Blyth’s works. I know, kinda stereotypical, but we like what we like. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Another British actor gets me by a chokehold apparently, I really have a type it seems. 😂 but !!! I find it pretty funny that once I started my hyperfixation on Blyth and I asked for a Ewan crumb to help me out, the power of Ewan provided and that new crumb of him with some fans came out like a few days later!!! 😂😂

I’ve wanted to send you more and stop by to check on you, but I’ve been spiralling very bad, and I don’t ever want to be a damper, so I’ve kinda holed myself off. Recently, the one thing that really gets me happy/distracted right now is listening to “Murder on the Dancefloor” and thinking of Barry’s scene 💀 but hey, if it gets me through, it is what it is lol. I wanted to ask, what do you personally do when it seems like everything is going wrong? I’m here for any advice at this point. 🥲

I’m sorry to hear about your long work hours and spine!! I’ve recently started going to a chiropractor to help with mine 😂 it’s done some really good though. I hope all is well and that life is treating you kind. You deserve nothing but the best, and hope you’re staying safe and healthy. Sending you lots of love. 🩶

- Hannah Montana anon.

Happy belated Valentine's, my love!

The Fall of the House of Usher is soooo good. I would highly recommend it, especially if you enjoy Edgar Allen Poe, each episode draws inspiration from one of the poems!

Oh god, Tom Blyth, haha. I've seen many a Tumblr mutual suckered in by him. Personally, I don't see the appeal, but each to their own!

There are even newer Ewan crumbs now, have you seen them?!

I'm sorry to hear you're still having a rough time of things! I find the easiest thing to do when things are feeling rough is just to be gentle with myself - do the basics to survive - make sure I eat, hydrate, shower and get outside for some fresh air once a day. Breaking down big and daunting tasks into smaller sub-tasks when you're feeling the pressure also helps to make them more manageable, and I actually find that once I start on one I'm able to breeze through the rest and the sense of accomplishment I feel afterwards is a huge mood lift.

Thank you for checking in. Please take care of yourself and don't be too harsh with yourself when you're not feeling good. Sending you lots of love and hopes that you will feel better soon xoxo

[grandmatapati]

Remembering Heather Askeland

CN: suicide, chronic illness, poverty, lack of healthcare

Artist Melinda Hannah painted a portrait of Heather Askeland, a young woman who died of suicide after suffering from Lyme Disease with a lack of comprehensive care or financial support. In desperation she even wrote to Ellen, Oprah and others in hope of getting some assistance and spreading the word about long term Lyme Disease. Before she died she made one last plea:

I am sicker than I've been in my life. Mostly bedridden now, in complete agony 24/7. My family refuses to help (beyond one monetary fundraiser donation from my aunt, for which I am very thankful, but she could take me in and help me access treatment, and of course, won't).

Tell me how and why to go on, without family support, with family who thinks im being difficult or crazy, when without serious assistance I have little to no hope of recovery. I have reached out to everyone I can think of. I have written Ellen Degeneres three or four times. Oprah. Dr Phil. Nothing.

This is my life. It's the only one I have. I don't know why I'm writing this here. Do you know someone famous, or with money and influence? Would you be willing to write to everyone you know asking if there's a next step for me, a place I can stay and get help and lyme treatment without the benefit of financial resources? SOS. My life. --May 4, 2014

Melinda added, "On July 27, 2014, Heather stepped in front of a train."

I knew one of Heather's friends and donated to a fundraiser but I could see she had a smaller circle of people trying to help. Some turning to illness fundraising are extroverts who started with a large group of friends, acquaintances and contacts. Others are introverts like me, like Heather might have been, and don't have that. Also the younger you are, the less time you've had in life to meet people.

Fundraising isn't the way we should be forced to pay for healthcare. Obamacare was a decent first effort and probably all that we could get passed at the time but we need Medicare for All.

Think about this whenever you vote. Heather isn't the only person I know personally who didn't survive without healthcare.

[gnattyplayssims]

1931 Pt1 - Setting Up Camp

Kye and Kailee joined the Unger family on their way to Port Promise in Evergreen Harbor. The country kids looked on in awe as the trees gave way to water. Unfortunately the awe didn't last long as they moved inland toward the more industrial parts of the world

"Here we are!" Wisty announced as they stopped near the tracks.

"This is a...junkyard."

"Yup but if you're gonna survive out here you need to do some shopping and since we have no money, this is the best shopping district around."

She smirked but Kye didn't see the humor.

Clover bounded over sniffing among the garbage as if hunting for something. Kye glanced around trying to get his head around it. He'd gone from the Aurora in Henford to the stench of the Harbor. It would take some getting used to but something about it...just felt right.

"We only have a few more hours till the sun goes down then we'll have to make camp." Wisty warned her sons, "so don't waste time with anything unuseful"

Kye found a dumpster and peeked inside. He could see something shiny and almost fell in trying to get a better look.

Clover was a good hunting dog and was sniffing all around the dump from garbage pile to garbage pile while the humans searched out items for camp she sniffed out anything edible. One of the large shipping containers was opened and she slipped inside to explore and maybe find food

"What'd you find girl?" Kailee followed Clover into the container and looked around in awe "It looks like someone lived in here "Good job girl, I bet we can use some of this for our new home. These chairs look to be in good shape and some of these utensils aren't even that rusty"

As the sun began to go down the Unger's led Kye and Kailee to a small clearing and began to set up camp. They watched in amazement as the tents, clothing line, eating area and campfire were all expertly set up in no time at all. It was clear they'd had lots of practice.

The next morning Wisty was up first and soon Kailee joined her. "Hope you slept alright. Sorry there's not more room."

"It's fine." Kailee had been short with Wisty ever since they'd met. She didn't know why but she couldn't help but feel like there was something off with her.

The men woke not long after, "The boys always sleep until it gets too hot in the tent so don't mind saving them breakfast." The women gathered the dishes to wash in the creek and quiet settled over Kye and Callen. "Nice day"

"Huh? Oh yeah it is"

"So, you've been here before?"

Callen didn't even have a chance to answer before what was left of their breakfast burst into flames. Callen jumped up but before he had a chance to put it out a stranger appeared and began extinguishing the flames.

"Unger, are you trying to burn down the whole forest?!"

There was a tense silence and then Callen started to laugh. "It's good to see you again Autumn."

She smiled and shook his hand in greeting. "You too, I see you've picked up some more wanderers."

"You know how Wisty is. Your sisters here too?"

"Can't seem to shake them."

Unfortunately the sister's arrival did not mean good news and soon Kye and Kailee would find themselves in the middle of some unexpected drama between Mikado and Hannah "Can I sit here?"

"Of course"

"I didn't think your family was coming back to Evergreen"

"We're not staying"

"Mikado, do you remember what happened the last time you were here?"

"How could I forget...it was my first time. I didn't think I'd ever see you again"

"Same for me. Well...the thing is...I'm pregnant" She blurted it out fast before she could overthink it.

"What!?"

"I wasn't going to tell you-"

"You shouldn't have!"

Hannah was getting angry "You don't have to be part of our lives. I know we're not even Young Adults yet but since you're here I thought you at least deserved to know"

"I don't know what to say Hannah. This isn't what I want"

Hannah put her hand on his thigh. "It's not what I want either." She hesitated. "You don't have to be involved if you don't want to be."

"You'd really be okay with that?"

She shrugged, "No, I'll probably hate your guts for the rest of my life. But it's still your choice."

He put his arm around her. "I'll stay by your side."

"Really?"

"Don't get too excited, I'm not promising anything. Raising a kid in a tent?" He shook his head in disbelief, "But I'll at least try to be a father and take care of you."

"Okay." He kissed her and she let him.

When Hannah's older sister found out she was livid. "Are you out of your Watcher loving minds? In this economy?"

"It was an accident."

"Maybe your father never explained where babies come from but woohooing in a bush isn't an accident. So you're gonna marry?"

"If I need to."

"Just stop!" Hannah suddenly burst in glaring daggers at her sister. "We're not going to get married just cause there's a baby on the way. This isn't the 1890's."

"Hannah it's okay. I'll marry you if that's what we need to do."

"No, that's what our mother did and I'm not her."

Mikado held out his hand. "I get it, I made a mistake. I'm just trying to make it right now."

"You can make it right by marrying my sister so your child doesn't grow up a bastard."

"Autumn," Hannah scolded, "Stop trying to be my mother and make peace already."

Autumn finally grasped his hand and Hannah grinned. "Great! Now that that's settled, I'm starving."

She turned away from them and Autumn pulled Mikado close. "It's not too late to do the right thing. I don't care what she says. Either marry her or disappear, got it?

1931 Pt2 - Wedding in Henford

[handsbloodied]

This is essentially what would happen to Judith after Riley dies. Based off of this and this by the bestie aka the shareholder of our single brain cell aka the best person ever @traumaxforged. I listened to this mostly while I wrote it. 2.3k words

God she hated hospitals. The fluorescent lights, the ever-lingering smell of bleach, mixed with the hushed tones of doctors and nurses as they roam the halls. Squeaky wheels on carts and wheelchairs as machines beep and alarms sound every so often.

Judith had been trying to avoid them ever since Hannah had died, but now she was here again. With someone she loved in a coma, again. "I don't know what to do Gracie." She stared blankly at the floor in front of them, her hand tightly gripping the blonde's. "I can't lose her, I just can't, I don't know if I'll survive."

She felt numb, a stark contrast to how she had reacted in the direct aftermath of the news.

Screaming and crying as she tried to find her phone. She needed to call Bergen, she needed to call Gracie, she needed to do something. "Mom... mom I can't breathe..." She whispered. "I can't..." She was clutching her phone as she turned around, leaving through the door she'd just walked through. Stumbling down the front steps, she'd finally managed to call Bergen. A shaky explanation of what had happened and that she needed to call Gracie.

So half an hour later she had found herself sitting in the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room. Her dad was with Riley, asking for some time alone with his daughter. Part of Judith was grateful, she would at least have more time before she had to figure out what the hell she was supposed to say to Riley. Hell, she didn't even know what she was going to say to her dad.

"She's gonna be okay right? I mean it's Riley she's always okay." Gracie looked over at Judith, squeezing her hand. At the same time Bergen squeezed her other hand, the only thing keeping her calm was knowing that they were both sitting there.

"I hate hospitals..." Judith whispered. "I hate them so much." She could feel the tears filling her eyes again. "I can't... another person I love is in a coma and I can't do anything." She shook her head. "I don't want to have to watch another person I love die. I can't do it." If it weren't for the fact that her whole body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds she would have took off running. Anywhere that wasn't here.

But she couldn't move. And Riley needed her here.

So Judith knew that she would stay for as long as she was needed. She would stay until her sister woke up. Because she had to wake up.

Two days had passed and she still hadn't heard anything one way or another about Riley. She'd been in to see her a couple times, usually leaving when her dad would come in. He just sat there, staring at Riley. Not moving, not saying anything. It angered her to no end.

"Dad c'mon we have to try and do something for her. We can't just give up. This is Riley, your daughter, my baby sister why aren't you fighting harder for her?" She asked, the desperation evident in her voice.

"Jude..." He began, but the elder daughter just shook her head. "No, no I don't want to hear it. It's clear you've given up. After Carl died, you just gave up." It was getting harder and harder by the second to keep her emotions in check.

Rick stood from his chair, turning to face Judith. "I haven't given up on her, there's nothing we can--" He was cut off by his daughter once again.

"If she dies because you didn't try hard enough, because mom and I are the ones fighting for her, I will never forgive you!" Judith told him, blue eyes wild as she clenched her hands into fists at her sides. "You can't be that ignorant, dad you can't! There has to be something we can do!"

Days turned into weeks and Judith had left the hospital maybe three times during Riley's stay.

The lights got brighter, to the point where Judith felt like she could hear the hum of the fluorescence, bleach was burned into her nostrils, tainting her clothes. The hushed voices started to get louder and louder as each day went on. In passing she could hear them discussing Riley, how their options were dwindling day by day.

Every fight she put up, every time she would beg her dad to just do something, she was met with the same stoic silence. He'd stopped speaking to her after the first week in the hospital, solely because every time he tried Judith would call him out and once again beg him to help Riley.

Every option she looked into on her own for Riley came too late, the doctors saying they would have had to do it days before Judith had found the information. "Please, please just do something! Why am I the one fighting for Riley, why can't he do it?" She cried, latching herself to Gracie one evening.

"I don't know, I'm sorry, I know they're trying everything they can think of. You got their attention, but Jude..." Gracie trailed off, holding her best friend tight.

"It's too late, I know..." She finished, her tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Hey little dove." Came the all too familiar voice one night, startling Judith out of her sleep. "You're okay, just relax. I didn't mean to startle you. I just, I've been watching and until now I didn't think it would be a good idea for me to show up, especially considering the last time we were here together." She could see Hannah now, sitting in the chair across from her as she sat up in her own.

"Hannah what are you doing here?" She whispered, careful to keep her voice low as her eyes moved around the waiting room, watching to see the other people. "Not here."

Getting up, Judith walked down the hall to one of the bathrooms, locking the door behind her as she waited for Hannah to show up once again.

"You know you worry too much about what people think of you." Hannah sighed, appearing on the large counter, swinging her feet.

"Oh yeah because I'd love for people to see that I'm talking to no one and when they ask me I say "my dead ex-girlfriend" like they won't lock me up." Judith rolled her eyes, leaning against the wall.

Hannah in turn, rolled her own eyes. "You know I've been here the whole time right? I've seen and heard everything."

Judith nodded slowly. "I kinda figured, surprised you didn't say anything sooner. But I guess it makes sense, this was the last place I saw you." A pause. "Have you seen Riley yet? Or is she still here?"

"She's not really here or with you, she's stuck in the in between. Limbo, if you will. I can hear her, but I can't see her. I'm sorry little dove." Hannah moved off the counter and towards Judith, placing a hand on her cheek.

She never understood why she could feel Hannah's touch, a hug, a hand on her cheek, what would have been a smack to the back of her head, but right now Judith didn't care. It was grounding in a way she couldn't fully comprehend or even begin to explain. "I don't know what I'm gonna do if I lose her, Han."

"You made it through losing Carl, and losing me, you're strong, if it does end up that way, you will make it through losing Riley." Hannah offered up.

"I didn't want to have to make it through losing either of you." Judith snapped. "I shouldn't have had to do that."

"You're right, but look what it brought you. You can think about Carl without hurting as much, you can see me and not freak out. And you met Bergen, Jude he's perfect for you. You're great together." Hannah smiled.

Raising an eyebrow, Judith looked at Hannah. "You didn't show up just to say you approve of my boyfriend did you? You're here because you know..."

Hannah fell silent for a moment before gesturing to the door. "Go be with her, I'll be here when you need me little dove." Without another word, she disappeared.

Judith made her way back towards the waiting room, stopping outside of Riley's room before stepping inside to stand next to her mom. She didn't want it to come to this. She had hoped they could have done something, she had hoped that they would have tried. Why didn't they try? Why didn't she try harder?

Watching her sister, Judith didn't pay the doctor any attention as he unplugged the machines. The heart monitor gave two final beeps before the steady tone that brought her whole world crashing down. Walking over to Riley's bedside, Judith leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm so sorry." She whispered.

After a minute, she felt like she was suffocating, like someone had sucked all the oxygen out of the room and so her legs took her as fast as they could out into the dark night. Slumping against the wall, Judith slid to the ground, ignoring the feeling of the brick scratching along her back as she did so. Her tears were falling freely now, hands clasped over her mouth as she let out broken sobs.

"She's okay little dove. Carl's got her. And I've got you." Hannah promised, wrapping her arm around Judith's shoulders.

After Riley's death, the spiral began. She couldn't find her footing so she kept getting knocked under the waves of her grief.

Every little thing became a fight, especially with her dad. All of it leading back to how he failed his family. Twice. And now the only kid he had left wasn't even his.

That was one she threw around a lot.

Most times he would just sit there and let her yell, wait for her to get it out of her system and leave either the room or the house. Usually it was the room, she had been spending more and more time in Riley's room but she was the only one allowed in there. No one else.

"I'm trying really hard not to be mad at him." She looked into the corner of the room where Hannah stood.

"And how's that working out for you little dove? Because it seems to me you can't even be in the same house as him. Is there somewhere else you can go? Can you stay with Gracie? Or Bergen?" She asked, looking around Riley's room. It had been months and nothing had changed. Not a box in sight to take things down and put them in the attic. The only thing Judith had done was dust, which she supposed was a good thing.

"I don't wanna leave my mom." Judith admitted, pushing herself upright on Riley's bed. "If it were just my dad then I'd be gone."

Hannah frowned. "Not even just for a couple nights? You're not even sleeping anymore, or if you do it's not for long. I'm getting worried."

Rolling her eyes, Judith got up off of Riley's bed and went back to her own room, locking Riley's door behind her. "Great now I'm worrying a ghost." She huffed.

"I'll ignore that shot at me because I know that you're hurting. Please just for a couple nights? Find somewhere else to stay. Stay with someone and take something to help you sleep." Hannah pleaded.

"Fine... fine I'll find somewhere to stay. But if any of Riley's stuff is moved when I come back..." She began and Hannah held up her hand.

"I'm getting pretty good at this whole ghost thing I can make sure they don't touch anything. I can be pretty scary when I want to be." She pointed out.

Judith grabbed one of her old dance bags from her closet and started to pack a couple days worth of clothes. "Oh yeah because Hannah O'Neil can really strike fear into the hearts of others." She managed a small, hollow sounding laugh.

"Take care little dove."

"I feel empty..." Judith admitted, not really to anyone in particular. In some form of symbolism it had been raining since she had left home. And for whatever reason Judith decided she was going to sit out in said rain. "Like... like I can't breathe, like a part of my soul died with her."

Gracie had been glued to her side since then, at least whenever she was needed. "It's not going to feel like that forever." She sat down next to her friend, holding the umbrella over their heads.

Judith nodded slowly, moving her dripping wet hair out of the way. "I always told her that she was the best of us. That she was gonna be the one to take over the world because she was so full of fire and passion." She began. "I was supposed to protect her, to make sure that she could be everything she wanted to be. And I failed her. I don't... I don't even remember the last thing I said to her. I'm sure it was something stupid and way overbearing for being her sister."

"She knows you loved her, Judith. You know that better than anyone. And you're gonna make it through this. Through this emptiness, and then the overwhelming grief, and the cycle as it repeats. Because you have your mom, you have Bergen and you have me. We're not going anywhere. I promise."

"Don't promise me that." Judith shook her head. "Please, Gracie don't. I can't go through that again. I can't--"

Gracie just nodded and wrapped her arm around Judith's shoulder. "Then we just take it one day at a time."

[aeternals]

very little helps keeps him standing once amos releases him from the wall. in fact, desiderius slides down like a rag doll, landing in a crumbled slump. the voice on the other side of the door vaguely registers and he attempts to make the mental note to thank arthur later. whether or not he remembers remains to be seen. whether or not he even remembers to look at the package is a toss up at that very moment. desiderius is trying too hard to pull himself together. the problem with riding a pretty healthy line is forgetting how to navigate his mind when it's consumed by darkness.

first earth and lydia, charles, kicking up whatever dust his previous life did, the rocks hitting earth and playing survival. killing people and the memories that brought back. not being able to explain that, all of which rolled into hannah and the return of his father's ghost.

he's not sure how long it takes for him to collect himself enough to crawl towards the shower but it feels like he spends an eternity in there, too. silence suffers when he passes by amos sitting at the table, unmoving like a living statue. the worst of his state must've passed because seeing his partner in such a state is like a fist to the heart. there's a stutter step when desi wonders if he should stop to say something but, in the end, he continues forward. there will be no repeat of whatever the fuck just happened.

that wasn't fair.

keeping amos in mind, desi turns off the water when half the allotment is gone but he stays in the steam for long after. skin goes cold. it takes a shiver down his spine to gather himself into a towel. odd how he'd never considered that they'd fight. is that what happened? their first fight? how on earth did arthur survive relationships when this is what people had to look forward to? would they fix it? would they ever be the same? or was this the death of them? not many things scared desi but he was terrified when he looked into the mirror.

terrified of losing the love of his life.

all he had the energy to do was pull a pair of sweats up his hips. droplets of water still rolled his arms by the time he stepped back into the main room, finding amos still sitting at the table.

fear propels every step. if this was the end for them he wished there was at least a smile to remember it by and not the somber expression he'd put on the other man's face. still, he would face the consequences of his own decisions and as he sat across from the mechanic both love and regret filled his heart.

" i'm sorry, " he says quietly. " first for what i said and second for how i've been since we came home from luna. " lips hang open as he tries to find the words that had been repeating themselves beneath the water. this entire conversation had played out several times over. now that he was sitting they were nowhere to be found. " being violent makes me feel like i'm turning into my father. it's not rational. i'm not him. in clarity, i know that, but after killing... " desi sighs out and tries to gauge whether or not amos would ever speak to him again.

" i didn't know how to explain that. i've never had to before. i've never really done this before. relationships were something i experienced second hand through my friends but i didn't ever think that i would be chest deep in one let alone fighting to keep it alive. " when his head tilts to the side this time it's with sadness. " i don't care who you fuck. i really don't. i know i mean something to you and i know just because we say it differently doesn't mean it's not there. " a tear rolls down his cheek. more than anything he wanted to sit in amos's lap and hold the other man until everything was okay. he needed to earn that right again, though.

" i meant what i said. i love you. i'm not ever going to tell you go because i don't want you to. you're part of me amos. you're the air i breathe and the beat of my heart. seeing you brings me more joy than anything else ever has. still. after everything we've been through. because of everything we've been through. "

It's strange. How quiet the room sounds, to Amos, after Desi finally speaks, how cold it went.

It takes him a long, long time -- or maybe it was only seconds, he isn't sure he knows what time means, anymore -- for him to place the quiet. It's not just. The room. Stifling, in it's stillness. The cold, it creeps through his bones. The quiet, it echoes in his chest. In the void. The screaming, howling inferno of rage, and violence, and blood and teeth and claws -- deflated. Dissipated in a wash of pain and cold that leaks through his veins, his muscles, his skin. Numbness creeps.

Fuck you, Desi. But he doesn't have the air, or the strength, to press the words out of his mouth. Fingers loosen their grip against Desi's shirt, shoulder, elbow and forearm pulled free from where they had pinned across the man's chest.

It takes a long time for him to recognize the sound. The chirp. The alert of someone at the door. How many times had it gone off?

He steps away, one step, and another, swiping the door open. He didn't bother to check who it was first. It didn't matter. The woman is familiar, in a way that he knew her face, associating it with Arthur and his people only after she said something about a message from him. Could he make sure it got to Desi? Sure. He signed for it, as requested, taking the sealed envelope. Thanks, she'd said. Sure, he'd answered, his smile practiced, fake. Keep smiling.

It fades, as the door closes. He crosses to the table, setting the sealed pouch down, dropping heavily into one of the chairs at the table, staring down at the sealed pack. He didn't know if he wanted to stay. He didn't know if he wanted to go.

No. That wasn't true.

"I'm staying." His voice is tired. He's tired. "Until you tell me to go, so."