#but unfortunately i refuse to change
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Ronaldo has a crisis, more at 11
#the vampire dies in no time#kyuuketsuki sugu shinu#tvdint#kyuushi#ronadora#Draluc#ronaldo tvdint#ronald tvdint#tinydraws#i should probably commit to typing my dialogue instead of hand writing it#yanno#for y’all’s sake and mine#but no#i choose violence instead#sorry#but unfortunately i refuse to change
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"Bring on The Dancing Horses"(x) - Echo and The Bunnymen × Ferrari Drivers
#yes this web weave was titled 'Bring on The Prancing Horses' in my docs....yes im proud of that....#long post whoop!!! pls scroll back thru and listen to the song while doing so if you wanna experience it better :)#this was originally supposed to be an edit but i have no patience for that and im very happy w this!!#i daydream to music a lot and when i first heard this song i could only think of ferrari seb then sebchal then ferrari drivers in general#but this hurt me a lot to make(for several reasons)#one: AAAAHHHH IT MAKES ME SADDDDDDD!! now im only gonna be able to think of the myth of ferrari when i listen to this song#it rly hurt to look up the pics for this bcs it still feels sore to me and it makes me so sad#but at least i didnt have to watch vids! id probably burst into tears#two: fighting for my life in google docs trying to format the text hahaha... i refuse to use photoshop#special thanks to cofi (@sweatyflytrap) for giving me the idea to put the TPs for the lies lyrics!#its both funny and unfortunate that domenicali was the TP for both felipe and fernando#it would be a bit better if there was a different tp for each but ah oh well#also hehe changed the lyric a tiny bit for the Kimi part. in the og lyrics its Jimmy not Kimi but yknow felt odd to leave it as it was so!#other than that i really really ardently feel that this song fits the cycle of ferrari drivers soooooo well#the 'bring on the new messiah' at the end of the song PLEASE IT FITS SO WELL! with how they drop their prev golden boy for whoevers next!#also omg the way seb's verse is 'you're breaking my brittle heart' rather than "im breaking your brittle heart' HURTS DOESNT IT??????#i didnt included the original opening/middle verse. i def could make it fit but it wasnt a good opening for this post specifically#'Jimmy Brown made of stone' = kimi again. 'Charlie clown no way home' = charles of course!#anyways this is my magnum opus...but nah i really like it! ill only ever make web weaves w random 80s music i think hahah#ferrari#scuderia ferrari#felipe massa#kimi raikkonen#fernando alonso#sebastian vettel#charles leclerc#f1#formula 1#we do a little bit of f1#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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#ok ramble time#classic this feels too intimate to share with anyone so everyone gets it#essentially last week there was a suicide on campus#he was not one of my students or in our department#I'm pretty removed from it#ans i really didn't think it affected me#but i guess it has#bc like i thought i was over#✨this✨#Like ok i have had active plans in the past#one of those this is how this is when this is where#just waiting for the final straw#but i clearly never did#and that plan would no longer work due to changes in circumstances and living arrangements etc#which is honestly probably for the best#bc i refuse to make a new one bc i know i do not want to go there#but im just TIRED and ANXIOUS#its not even the depression its the anxiety of living#i stay up until 3-4 in the morning bc i cant stand the idea of going to sleep#and i secretly hope each sleep will be my last#bc im not going to DO anything bc that would not be it#too many ppl care about me (unfortunately)#and then ive stopped eating (again)#and it's like idek if its bc i dont want to or bc i forget#its like i see myself self destructing but cant make myself stop#and I have not done anything physically stupid in quite a long time but ive started biting to stim#and i dont even know im doing it half the time it just helps#and skin picking. which none or this is the same as true s/h but it does scare me to a degree bc i dont mean to i just do it#anyway i don't expect anyone to read all of this i just had to get it out ot my head
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oughhhh five million articles with tiny fonts but it's a pdf so i cant increase the text size without zooming in and having to manually scroll side to side to read everything or just suffer with the small font because i can only use half my screen for reading because the other half of my screen for writing in my word doc my DETESTED
#i have One day to finish this goddamn assigbment thats worth like 1/3 of my grade and oughoughhhhh ive been too busy w my other tging#but at least i could make it sexology-adjacent. peace and love on planet professors who let me do whatever i want#unfortunately this assignment has been having me need to read so many articles and then half of them wont even work for my paper;;#this isso tragic.....#im too far to change my topic to smth easier though so im gonna power through it. luckily the whole thing isnt due today just#the introduction which will only be like maybe 8 pages total but oughh prof wants a lit review and lit reviews take me foreverrrrr#and it's turning out that a lot of the articles i saved for this aren't working out for me :( so now i have to go find and read more :(#sad!#oh well.... bye 4ever..... gonna use ublock to keep me from tumblr.com again. and discord. and maybe notion. im refusing to#get distracted this post is already a weak moment for me but i just love complaning so much....
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Reading shit comics kind of sucks but at least I get the satisfaction of proving my own point w this
#like damn if i really was 100% right about this before i even knew what i was talking about#anyways one of the many many problems with new 52 wonder woman is the fact that diana isnt religious enough#also that azzarello and chiang are incapable of imagining a feminist utopia which is the original genre that wonder woman comics were based#in in the same way that batman for example is connected to the noir genre. and the mythological aspects of the og wonder woman comics were#in fact a common framing aspect of the feminist utopia genre of the progressive era (with many of the deeper greek mythology aspects being#established as the foremost ww genre later on)#anyways this failure to understand this layering of genres in the ww mythology i believe is the principle contributor of why this run which#is popular with many and has such a footprint in other more mainstream media is hated by so many longtime wonder woman fans in that it not#only neglects but actively goes against key parts of her premise#a comparison could be made to a superman run that is heavily based in science fiction and exploring deep sci fi genre plots without any#understanding by the creators of why it matters that superman is champion of the oppressed and disrespecting that core part of him by in#some ways making him actually go against that in service of the high sci fi genre plots and conflict#and then ofc to translate better in this reality this run would function like a can of worms in that while dc in comics would eventually#course correct back to the base version the public opinion would become divided and especially adaptations would need all the canon changes#from that run torn viciously out of their hands bc they refuse to LET IT GO#anyways yeah teehee i swore to someone id never read it but i needed it for fic research purposes unfortunately so i started it. only read 6#issues but meh. first one wasnt terrible tbh id read worse but after that i got much more unhappy#anyways they simply dont understand why people like the amazons or why people should like the amazons. which again is like half the freaking#point bc like. feminist utopia genre. but i digress#its bad but its bad in a way that proves me right about why its bad so at least theres that#someday when i post my rebirth ww fic ill post the analysis of nu52 ww and the comparison to the beat movement/ginsberg that ive got in my#drafts. finally get that A in comic book literary analysis#blah
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i rarely get to draw era's tail
#unfortunate that trip can't grab it when trying to stop era in whatever occasion. but i cannot change it#i refuse to change it... it HAS to be short sorry trip#ocs#character: erakhos
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lmao @ the post on my dash below the one I just made being about the evangelical christian persecution complex
#it's a subject that I regard with both scorn and a deep sense of pity honestly#because it's nonsense but it's also the result of purposeful traumatic conditioning since childhood#I think it's reductionist to be like 'oh they're just acting like victims because they can't be homophobic anymore!'#because unfortunately I can verify that they acted like that when they were allowed to be homophobic too#it's a very deep-rooted issue that's been going on for decades#and which is reproduced by purposefully traumatizing children so#it's all just very sad and weird and xenophobic#like I remember being scared for big bird when I was shown big bird in china because I'd been taught that I'd be killed if I ever went ther#they made me act out skits where I'd be murdered for refusing to recant my beliefs to 'prepare' me#I was taught how to use a gun when I was like... nine I think? at church camp#like I cannot overstate how fucked up it all is#and it's not okay but I don't think that making fun of people who went through that conditioning will change it#it'll just make them double down tbh#I understand the urge but I think it's probably counterproductive#like harassing mormon missionaries. feels good temporarily but it just makes them more ensconced in the religion.
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The amount of extremely incorrect loud buzzer sound things that my dad tried to act like he was in the right for yesterday still like perplex me, bc like, you actually think like this? Like a cartoon villain who refuses to look up whether he's right or rather so so so wrong?
You're gonna leave this earth a sad husk of a man...
#personal#I literally was telling him to look stuff up with his laptop that he was actively on while we were arguing and like#he REFUSED#like you're so scared of being in the wrong and just let bigoted white people tell you what's right and who's wrong#like I can't even with you#you really have this mindset and it's unfortunately never gonna change and you're gonna die like this#extremely unfortunate and sad smdh#idk why I even tried yesterday
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Spent two hours correcting a color bc she wanted copper but didn't realize copper was orange tone-heavy
#me literally painting her hair w orange-colored toner: :)#her watching me do this: haha surely this will not be orange!!#her at the end: it's so orange...#me having used a 77/43: 🫤❓️#this is an unfortunate side effect of her refusing to ever find inspiration pictures so I always have to go off vibes alone#and clearly I was not seeing the same thing she was seeing in her head#which is why I always beg her to find inspo pics#she's always like 'nah you do a good job every time I'm not worried abt it'#I wonder if that'll change next time lol.#anyways. I'm fucking exhausted
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Robert Brookes saying we can't ally with the Lucent Brood is extra weird because we've had explicit confirmation this season that Caiatl's forces include soldiers who sacked the City. And House Light has the Spider and Namrask! Why include the sympathetic moments in the Lucent Hive lorebook (bonding with Ghosts, refusing to fire on a Guardian) if they're irredeemably evil?
He never said they're irredeemable. Because they're not! They're all redeemable, but they have to WANT to change and choose to change.
There's also a difference between random soldiers (who may have been coerced or felt that they had no choice but to participate in a sacking while they served a previous leader) and actual commanders who ordered the sacking. A lot of Caiatl's forces are soldiers who explicitly defected to her, because they chose to do so. A lot of soldiers didn't defect or did and then changed their minds (especially after Caiatl welcomed Saladin to her fleet) so they left Caiatl. It's complicated!
Namrask also chose to change. His lore book is very directly about him removing himself from his previous self and conquests and wishing to be a simple weaver who helps people. Spider is a bit more complicated, but Spider was never really a conqueror of any kind and was friendly with humans when he needed us. He's an opportunist and he harmed more Eliksni than us, so that on the Eliksni to deal with and forgive. And on Crow and Glint (which as we've seen isn't happening any time soon).
The same applies to the Hive; individual Hive, especially Lucent Hive, can absolutely choose to defect from Savathun or even Xivu Arath and join us and they would be welcomed. It would still be a tough conversation to have and not everyone is obliged to forgive them over night, but they're individuals that were forced to follow leaders they may disagree with. I'm sure they would be welcomed and treated fairly, though not without underlying issues. Accepting the Eliksni also didn't happen over night.
Either way, it's about choice. If someone chooses to change, they're welcomed to get their second chance. This has been a fairly consistent theme in Destiny. Savathun has yet to make that choice. Simply having the Light didn't give it to her automatically; the choice has to be made by her. And then it's a long path to making amends, as per what Brookes actually said.
#destiny 2#hive#ask#i remember similar issues with clovis#and i genuinely do believe that clovis is also redeemable. he just has to CHOOSE to take that path#clovis unfortunately doesn't think he did anything wrong ever. so obviously we will not be forgiving him any time soon#but if he changes his ways and wants to be better and distances himself from his past deeds? yeah he can get that chance#and of course. as always. his victims are not required to forgive.#same with lucent hive. i would love to see some lucent hive defecting to our side ngl#the one lucent hive who refused to crush a guardian's ghost lives rent free in my head
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literally what the fuck is it with people trying to schedule things the day before or even THE MORNING OF. what the fuck is wrong with everyone in my theatre group
#squeaking#Except you fred if youre seeing this..nithing wrong with you#But anyways#Its so frustrating trying to plan things with teens who take visiting each other for granted#Because they live 5 minutes away from everything and everyone#Like some of us need to drive. Not all of us live in yoir town center unfortunately#they refuse to settle on dates unless i keep nagging them#they keep saying “oh any day works except not that day ir that day or that day”#They keep trying to make last-minite time changes the DAY BEFORE THE SCHEDULED HANGING IUT#its so fucking frustrating#Like have you seriously never had to plan anything in yoir life cause thats what it feels like
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Was experiencing the post-9 pm Bads but seeing a pic of Re/vali in my Pinterest feed did help briefly. Thank u sweetie <3
#chit chatter#bird boy🪶����#also I have been thinking about fox this evening but I can’t articulate it right now I gotta put on some YouTube to fall asleep to#also unfortunately doubts related to him were part of the Bads so I gotta put that on hold for a minute#also also also hey should I change my talking tag??? it’s my most used tag but tumblr refuses to ever show it in the like. auto suggested#tag things when making a post or reblog#idk. it’s never liked my talking tag
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i dont talk to my dad because he genuinely does terrify me but ALSO because there is no way to contact him whatsoever and i respect his grind of living off the grid (homeless and no cellphone)
#my dad is........ i truly cant even begin to describe what he is like#and he's severely mentally ill among other things etc so i do feel kinda bad for him bcuz he doesn't want to be like fhis#but he REFUSES to go on medication or get treatment and has for my entire life so like there's not a lot thats gonna change that#and even when he's having one of his “normal” days (when i was a kid and i actually saw him everyday) he's just incredibly intense#like. just kind of a miserable person to be around#activates the flight or fight response of normies everywhere. Genuinely. he just has bad vibes dogs hate him!!!!!#unfortunately this is something i have inherited from him (bad vibes) so i cant be too mean#txt
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well shit. just checked out the lineup 4 bluesfest this year and i may have 2 actually brave the crowds 4 once. there might just be enough ppl id wanna see to make it worth it, altho tbh matthew good is almost enough for that on his own lol coz like. matthew good!!! that's the music of my freakin childhood man!! (*the most canadian sentiment ever)
#but also: ben howard; orville peck; charley crockett; mother mother#and of course. motley fucking crue. for some reason. i mean why not right? lol#ftr no i dont know why its called bluesfest when theres so much non-blues. they DO have blues its just. theres a lotta other stuff.#idk. perpetual mystery here in the nations capital.#i REALLYYYY wanna see matt good tho i was supposed to in 2020 and he CANCELLED instead of rescheduling like every1 else 😭#still might go to mtl in april to see him tho. festival sets are just Not the Same lbr#NOW i just gotta see if any of the artists i wanna see are on the same days..... pls..... so much more cost effective....#my whole life ive lived here and ive never been 2 bluesfest. maybe thisll be the year that changes#hmmm. $280 for a 'pick any 3 days' ticket is Not Bad At All.... definitely gonna b Pondering this further....#tho $410 for a full pass is also not terrible. relatively speaking bc tgats is still Not A Small Amount of Money#not sure the full lineup is worth that 2 me tho#HMMM#anyways hey bluesfest. why the FUCK is your website so bad my god the scrolling lag good fucking lord. what the fuck are u DOING back there#also also. on the topic of music festivals. i KNOW its not coming back but.... heavy mtl return W H E N 🥺😭🙏🔥#i just. wanna go 2 a metal music fest. w/o breaking the bank and/or subjecting myself to festival camping. which i refuse 2 try by myself.#not that we really have that sorta festival here at all but it seems the Really Big european ones are like that and uhhh.#it just seems like A Lot to do that solo. for a first time doing smth.#ANYWAYS !! still contemplating whether i want 2 spend altogether Too Much Fucking Money to see metallica and iron maiden later in the year#like on the 1 hand its A Lot Of Money plus id have to travel (edmonton 4 metallica; mtl or TO 4 maiden)#on the other hand. those guys arent gettin any younger. and the FOMO is unfortunately real af when u never know if theyre gonna retire#or like. DIE. (ok ok or like. idk break a hip or smth lol) ( they arent THAT that old just. u kno. fear.)
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i like to think apoptosis tries to lie to tenshi but tenshi cares too much & has figured her out pretty well & can see through most of it. i dont have much to support this beyond the fact theyre clearly heavily tied together across their songs.
#actually if im doing any analysis here#the timeline i think is like.#the group decides to go thru with the sacrifice to see if that would 'absolve their sins'#potentially targets apoptosis first as. she doesnt seem to get along with anyone#she doesnt want that obviously so she goes to pin it on someone else#someone else just happens to be tenshi who REALLY does not want the role#the whole lying about doing it for her & then tenshis dont leave me alone could be like.#tenshi gets the role & apoptosis just walks free not really thinking of the consequences#of course then its already getting too late to change anything & tenshi tries to convince herself shes doing the right thing#that her death will matter and maybe at least get them more time or something if not fix the problem#but no!!! it does nothing!!!! & apoptosis has to face that fact!!! that since it wasnt her it was someone she#(refuses to admit she) cares about!!!!!!!#& she cant stand that & suddenly shes in meltdown mode & will do whatever to destroy herself#i dont think its guilt shes dealing with like i genuinely think shes too selfish to feel guilty#kanons the guilty one not apoptosis#apoptosis feels more like. she lost something important & if she cant have it(her) then she doesnt want anything at all#unfortunately as per da rulez her being selfish means she continues to live.#permanent torture of knowing the one solid thing she had she got rid of and will never ever get back#the girlies#thats my current take on the situation#but in general i think those two are closer than either of them will admit
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believe me i know full well that no woman needs to dress revealing for any other reason besides that they want to, especially miss lucy chen, but i really am no better than a man cause my gay ass is dying for her to show some more skin. maybe some leg or a midriff? perhaps a little bit of cleavage or maybe even a little bit of ass.
#*and this is icarly!#I'M NOT SAYING SHE HAS TO LOOK SUPER SLUTTY!!!!!!!#BUT AS MEGHAN TRAINOR WOULD SAY SHE GOT 'ALL THE RIGHT JUNK IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES'#that she unfortunately keeps covered in long sleeved clothing#at least from the waist down anyway#i don't think i can ever recall a time where she was wearing anything other than jeans or any other long bottoms#i also want this cause i can imagine a scene where lucy refuses to come out from changing into this spicy outfit#so angela has to find tim like 'i need you to help me with your girlfriend'#if anybody can lure her out tim can#maybe i'm reaching but i'm sensing my girl lucy has issues with her self image???#so like... she's afraid that all her friends/co workers are going to laugh at her or something????#maybe point out a few of her flaws on her body#when in reality when she steps out to reveal herself to everyone they're all starstruck#especially angela ssdsderfghjkl she'd be having a very lgbt experience#even aaron let's yells out a loud 'DAYUM!!!'#anyway you get what i'm saying right???#maybe for an undercover mission eh?#the rookie#tim bradford#lucy chen#chenford
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