#but ultimately i care about justice and this is all fictional yeah but i still do (to a certain extent. and milgram fits in that)

[astrxealis]

do some people really think he's not sorry at all

[hopeymchope]

Arisa Narumi, Puella Magi's bully-busting badass

Arisa Narumi is a character from the Puella Magi Suzune Magica spinoff. And although Mami Tomoe will always be my favorite Puella Magi character, Arisa is definitely up in my top five.

But why? What's so great about Arisa?

Arisa starts out as a shrinking violet who is brutally bullied, tormented, and beaten at school on a daily basis. So when Kyubey comes into her life? Her wish is obvious.

The day after her wish is granted, a group of girls comes around to mock her and demand tons of money from her or else they'll beat her down. And nervously, she finally speaks up for herself, letting them know that she'd like them to please leave her alone from now on.

They don't respond well. One immediately launches into attacking her. And Arisa? She catches the attacker's fist in midair...

...and slowly CRUSHES it.

The next day, we learn she sent the entire gang of bullies to the hospital. Even Arisa is shocked at her strength. Talk of it spreads throughout the school. The result is that now, she's no longer the pathetic target of everyone's unjustified hatred; now she's feared. And it gives her a confidence she's never experienced before.

It's such a satisfying, powerful turnaround, and it fills me with absolute delight every time I read it.

Now the other students whisper about her in hushed tones. They scurry away when she approaches. She's finally free to live her life, although it's not like any of this earns her any friends. Curious, she thinks, how her an increase in her strength has completely changed the way people interact with her.

But Arisa's newfound confidence soon turns to cockiness. She starts to skip school whenever she feels like, flouts school rules by eating during class, and during a montage we also see her using her newfound strength to rough up some guy—there's no context in the there, so we're left to wonder what he did to provoke this, but we can probably all fucking imagine. (The manga's artist later creates shareda short strip on his Twitter showing Arisa standing up to and beating two men who are sexually harrassing her, so... yeah.)

All of this earns her negative attention from another magical girl in her school—Chisato Shion. Chisato is a pretty strict rule-follower and decides to provoke a fight over it, but when she beats Arisa in combat? Arisa becomes positively suicidal. Poor Arisa felt like the ONLY thing she had going for her was her strength and ability to fight for herself now, and if she can't win a fight? She might as well die; after all, she claims it's not like she has anyone who'd care.

Luckily, Chisato cares. She dextends her hand in friendship, offering to bring Arisa into her own squad of magical girls and help her grow stronger in the process. So concludes the origin of Arisa Narumi.

What else can I say? Arisa's depression, loneliness, vengeful justice— I both relate to and adore it SO HARD. She is an inspiration, frankly.

If I have one complaint about her? It's that, well, her magical girl outfit is a bit tacky for my taste. Of course she can wear whatever she wants, but ultimately, this outfit was designed by a male artist; it wasn't truly chosen by the fictional teenage girl in question, ofc. :P Although it's not as revealing as most of the outfits the girls in Suzune Magica wear—which is a whole other kettle—she's still rocking some sort of weird boob targets, which comes up in damn near EVERY conversation you see about this character. Suffice to say that there's a reason why multiple users such as @thefairywithdrawings and @dullanyan took the time to make costume edits for the Magia Record art of damn near every Suzune Magica character or at least Arisa in particular, respectively.

I suppose that, given that we live in a world where I see girls of all ages walking around daily with similar clothing that puts focal patterns on their breasts and/or butt cheeks (spiral-boob shirts and "JUICY" shorts, anyone?), I can't say it's not realistic... but it feels like carrying that sort of self-sexualization into our fictional teenage girls feels unnecessary and a bit distasteful. You could argue it's representative of Arisa's newfound self-confidence, though?

Ultimately, I'm not going to let one pattern on her outfit define her character. Make no mistake: Arisa Narumi is a badass among magical girls and still an absolute legend in my book.

Keep on crushing bullies' fists, Arisa.

[sang8262]

yall i got more JP thoughts idk what to tell ya

But spoilers! Just in case, for World Tour and Rashid's Master bond level conversations, as well as some unlockables from post-game quests.

idek where to start, I'm just coming back from cheating playing my way through the new World Tour quests lmao

the quest that's important here are the difficult CPU fights they added at the Suval'hal Arena, to unlock World Tour resources and extra goodies for each 'level' cleared.

(un)fortuantely, I won't be going through what's behind each door here, although there are some interesting rewards that I'm sure others will address! anyway, one of the items we receive as a reward quite early on is this 'Absurd Check', which is JP's unique gift item:

"A check for a king's ransom. For use in a tight situation, and not to be casually given away. Someone might love this."

sadly, JP himself doesn't exactly have.. a whole lot in response, but I still think it's interesting. upon giving the check to him, he replies:

"You're giving me a check? I used these all the time for work, once upon a time. A check can be used in all manner of ways... Even if it bounces."

I think this works quite well with one of his earlier conversations/ quests as a Master, where he has us spend a ton of money to partake in the economy. Upon completion, he asks us, "did you learn anything from this experience?"

To which our answer yes/ no doesn't actually matter, since he simply replies the same either way, that "often the promise of a reward is much more valuable than the reward itself". And that's it. He doesn't give us anything or say anything further. Which I'M reading this as JP's idea of a goddamn prank. A small joke. Just casually have us spend a million zenny to make us look like absolute FOOLS. Did you think you were getting a reward for this quest? Did the promise of a reward compel you to follow his orders without a doubt in your mind? He doesn't even care if we learned anything from this endeavor, he made his point and got a good chuckle out of it.

And I think it goes even further, with his second quest he gives you, with the 'intercept a money exchange among the resistance group in Nayshall'. He doesn't outright order us to take the money, or attack them, or anything like that, but he does suggest we 'ought to do something shouldn't you'?

Ultimately, whether we fight the rebels for the cash or not is up to us, and doesn't exactly impact JP much personally either. But I feel like this is exactly the case of "the promise of payment" compelling us to do some heinous (albeit fictional) things.

Whether within the game universe, in which we basically steal that cash from people seeking justice under the corruption JP himself introduced to Nayshall... Or in the real world, where we'd choose the immoral option just to see what happens in the quest story, or for the in-game currency.

WHICH, finally connects to the goddamn check from the update today. All I really wanted to say about that was, how JP probably also used money, checks, or the promise of reward to manipulate his way through the criminal underground. Even a check that bounces, still has the promise of payment until you realize you've been had by that darn smooth talking Johan Petrovich.

i haven't even started with his cameo in Rashid' Master Bond conversations i'm so sorry lmao

but LOOK there he IS!!!

LOOK AGAIN!!

I kinda already talked about what Rashid says of JP, in the conversations, so I'll be brief in this post:

JP's public persona is a bit too squeaky clean, given his position of power, which Rashid thinks is suspicious af. And he's right, of course.

But Rashid really is surprised by how JP is so unlike the rest of Shadaloo's officers, at least, when he wants to be. The comics again, showcase how he operates his schemes and deceives everyone so well. His kind, philanthropic, sophisticated older gentleman act is too good.

But yeah, I just love this art, wow,,, he's literally sparkling and glowing with a rainbow and everything,,,,

And it wasn't much but, we got the favorite gift conversation we were missing with this update so, I'm glad they put it in.

[poppy5991]

Yeah, I don’t think any Endeavor fans don’t know why others dislike him and your take is valid and totally fair. However, nobody deserves harassment over liking a fictional character (Not you obviously! But yeah, it has been going around). I think the Todoroki arc hits a nerve with a lot of people, but in entirely different ways depending on your own experiences. Which is why there is more harsh judgement about it than say AFO fans receive. Whether you think Touya wants revenge/justice vs wants his pain to be seen and acknowledged is a big part of that.

From my perspective (and I think Horikoshi’s), Touya is a character that is terrified of being abandoned. And it manifests in a way that’s very common with PTSD: to lash out at people so they prove that ultimately they will leave you and that you are unlovable. It’s like self-guarding against a hurt by trying to bring it to fruition on your own. He even acts this way with the LOV, moments of vulnerability followed by lashing out with insults or disappearing randomly.

We see him get juxtaposed to Toga in the lead up to the final battle who really and truly has been abandoned by everyone in her life. It’s no wonder that Dabi sets that house on fire, it’s the culmination of all his worst fears.

Ultimately, he basically decides to commit public suicide in hopes that his family will see how much he’s suffering. And despite his fears, they don’t decide to villainize and abandon him. I don’t think he hates Enji, personally.

Horikoshi is writing a really poignant and realistic story here. Enji is a traumatized and flawed person. He does fuck up and will continue to do so. There is no perfect redemption for the harm he’s done. Neither he or Rei know how to be parents. But they both stay and they try their best. They don’t turn away from Touya and confirm his worst fears.

Each of the kids’ relationships to Enji is valid, but different because they have different feelings and experiences. Based on Horikoshi’s canon characterization of Touya, I think he would want his Dad to visit despite being hesitant and still angry.

There are a lot of similarities between Enji and Touya. Then we see that Enji doesn’t get abandoned either: by Hawks or his family or his colleagues. If it weren’t for Touya dying (which sucks, but I understand from a writing perspective why Horikoshi went that way with the villains), it would be a pretty hopefully ending for them (at least to me).

He’s written a story about how you can have an unpalatable mental illness and hurt the people around you, but still manage to be worthy of love and care which I think is heartwarming.

Anyway, that’s just my two-cents. I want to make a long post about it and how it reminds me of Everything Everywhere All At Once when the show is over. All this is to say that, yes we understand why people don’t like Enji. Nobody hates Dabi because they like Enji’s character or thinks Enji’s actions were justified. But different people have different experiences so there are reasons that someone might like or relate to the character.

Just be cool about it and don’t post about how you wish people who like X character would jump off a cliff or whatever. Because I have seen that going around quite a bit 🤨

ANYWAY, LOVE AND PEACE. BE NICE TO PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET. ❤️❤️❤️

My favourite thing to do: talk about Endeavor

My least favourite thing to do: explain why I like Endeavor

[kiunlo]

read my prev post before this one if you're seeing it outta context, but i just need to add more, but it's about the specific examples i gave, i.e. bruce owning a mansion in Hawai'i and climing Uluru in two fics i've read in the past (by two diff authors)

like, yes, it IS peak white billionaire behaviour for someone like Bruce with his pale ass complexion and billions of dollars in his bank account to be extremely ignorant of indigenous issues and decide to buy a mansion on Hawai'i or climb Uluru, but like...you cannot tell me, an indigenous person, who really lives batman/bruce wayne and who has seen his canon actions of caring about poor people and hating cops and doing his best to help the city of gotham, would just...ignore or forget about indigenous issues. like maybe bruce can be ignorant in some topics and still show his white ass from time to time, but you can't tell me he wouldn't do research. it's literally his thing to try and figure out the truth, and to bring about justice, and while a lot of white writers (who don't give a shit about us) will ignore that aspect of him when writing him, you can't tell me that bruce, who cares so goddamn much about people, would decide to cast aside a whole group of people and just do whatever the hell he wants because he has money and fame or whatever. it's just not him.

like...if bruce were a real ass person yeah for real fuck him all billionaires can and will go to hell but like he's not a real guy. he's fictional, and the whole point of his character is that he's a fantasy, our ultimate unicorn-like fantasy and desire to have an ethical billionaire who uses his money for GOOD, who pays his workers well and helps out those that currently can't help themselves, either with drug addiction or homelessness, crime they're experiencing that police doesn't care about cuz they're a minority etc.

you can't tell me that this character would just be like "lol yeah fuck indigenous people anyway time to climb this cool rock people keep telling me to stay away from because it's sacred".

[devilsskettle]

oh man i have a Lot of thoughts about the autopsy of jane doe, both positive and critical For Sure, i'd be SO excited to see your analysis of it! definitely keeping an eye out for that 👀

thanks! i'm working on something article-like to talk about the film and i don't know what i want to do with it yet lol but if i don't post it on here i'll definitely link it. it's mainly a discussion of gender in possession/occult films in the same way that carol clover describes in men, women, and chainsaws - that there are dual plot lines in occult films, usually gendered masculine and feminine respectively, where the "main" feminine plot (the actual possession) is actually a way to explore the "real" masculine plot (the emotional conflict of the "man in crisis" protagonist). typically the man in crisis is too masculine, or "closed" emotionally, where the woman is too "open," which is why she acts as the vehicle for the supernatural occurrence as well as the core emotions of the film. the man has to learn how to become more open (though if he becomes too open, like father karras in the exorcist, he has to die by the end - he has to find a happy medium, where he doesn't actually transgress gender expectations too much. clover calls this state the "new masculine," and we might apply the term "toxic masculinity" to the "closed" emotional state). part of the "opening up" feature of the story is that it allows men to be highly emotionally expressive in situations where they otherwise might not be allowed to, which is cathartic for the assumed primary audience of these films (young men). another feature of the genre is white science vs black magic (once you exhaust the scientific "rational" explanations, you have to accept that something magic is happening). the autopsy of jane doe does this even more than the films she discusses when she published the book in 1992 (the exorcist, poltergeist, christine, etc) because the supernaturally influenced young woman who becomes this kind of vehicle is more of an object than a character. she doesn't have a single line of dialogue or even blink for the entire runtime of the movie. the camerawork often pans to her as if to show her reactions to the events of the movie, which seems kind of pointless because it's the same reaction the whole time (none) but it allows the viewer to project anything they want onto her - from personal suffering to cunning and spite. 

compare again to the exorcist: is the story actually about regan mcneil? no. but do we care about her? sure (clover says no, but i think we at least feel for her situation lol). and do we get an idea of what she's like as a person? yes. even though her pain and her body are used narratively as a framework for karras' emotional/religious crisis, we at least see her as a person. both she and her mother are expendable to the "real" plot but they're very active in their roles in the "main" plot - our "jane doe" isn't afforded even that level of agency or identity. so. is that inherently sexist? well, no - if there were other women in the film who were part of the "real" plot, i would say that the presence of women with agency and identity demonstrate enough regard for the personhood of women to make the gender of the subject of the autopsy irrelevant. but there are none. of the three important women in the film, we have 1) an almost corpse, 2) an absent (dead) mother, and 3) a one dimensional girlfriend who is killed off for a man's character development/cathartic expression of emotions. all three are just platforms for the men in crisis of this narrative. 

and, to my surprise, much of the reception to the film is to embrace it as a feminist story because the witch is misconstrued as a badass, powerful, Strong Female Character girl boss type for getting revenge on the men who wronged her, with absolutely no consideration given to what the movie actually ends up saying about women. and the director has said that he embraces this interpretation, but never intended it. so like. of course you're going to embrace the interpretation that gives you critical acclaim and the moral high ground. but it's so fucking clear that it was never his intention to say anything about feminism, or women in general, or gender at all. so i find it very frustrating that people read the film that way because it's just. objectively wrong.

there's also things i want to say about this idea that clover talks about in a different chapter of the book when she discusses the country/city divide in a lot of horror (especially rape-revenge films) in which the writer intends the audience to identify with the city characters and be against the country characters (think of, like, house of 1000 corpses - there's pretty explicit socioeconomic regional tension between the evil country residents and the travelers from the city) but first, they have to address the real harm that the City (as a whole) has inflicted upon the Country (usually in the forms of environmental and economic destruction) so in order to justify the antagonization the country people are characterized by, their "retaliation" for these wrongs has to be so extreme and misdirected that we identify with the city people by default (if country men feel victimized by the City and react by attacking a city woman who isn't complicit in the crimes of the City in any of the violent, heinous ways horror movies employ, of course we won't sympathize with them). why am i bringing this up? well, clover says this idea is actually borrowed from the western genre, where native americans are the Villains even as white settlers commit genocide - so they characterize them as extremely savage and violent in order to justify violence against them (in fiction and in real life). the idea is to address the suffering of the Other and delegitimize it through extreme negative characterization (often, with both the people from the country and native americans, through negative stereotyping as well as their actions). so i think that shows how this idea is transferred between different genres and whatever group of people the writers want the viewers to be against, and in this movie it’s happening on the axis of gender instead of race, region, or class. obviously the victims of the salem witch trials suffered extreme injustice and physical violence (especially in the film as victim of the ritual the body clearly underwent) BUT by retaliating for the wrongs done to her, apparently (according to the main characters) at random, she's characterized as monstrous and dangerous and spiteful. her revenge is unjustified because it’s not targeted at the people who actually committed violence against her. they say that the ritual created the very thing it was trying to destroy - i.e. an evil witch. she becomes the thing we're supposed to be afraid of, not someone we’re supposed to sympathize with. she’s othered by this framework, not supported by it, so even if she’s afforded some power through her posthumous magical abilities, we the viewer are not supposed to root for her. if the viewer does sympathize with her, it’s in spite of the writing, not because of it. the main characters who we are intended to identify with feel only shallow sympathy for her, if any - even when they realize they’ve been cutting open a living person, they express shock and revulsion, but not regret. in fact, they go back and scalp her and take out her brain. after realizing that she’s alive! we’re intended to see this as an acceptable retaliation against the witch, not an act of extreme cruelty or at the very least a stupid idea lol. 

(also - i hate how much of a buzzword salem is in movies like this lol, nothing about her injuries or the story they “read” on her is even remotely similar to what happened in salem, except for the time period. i know they don’t explicitly say oh yeah, she was definitely from salem, but her injuries really aren’t characteristic of american executions of witches at all so i wish they hadn’t muddied the water by trying to point to an actual historical event. especially since i think the connotation of “witch” and the victims of witch trials has taken on a modern projection of feminism that doesn’t really make sense under any scrutiny. anyway)

not to mention the ending: what was the writer intending the audience to get from the ending? that the cycle of violence continues, and the witch’s revenge will move on and repeat the same violence in the next place, wherever she ends up. we’re supposed to feel bad for whoever her next victims will be. but what about her? i think the movie figures her maybe as triumphant, but she’s going to keep being passed around from morgue to morgue, and she’s going to be vivisected again and again, with no way to communicate her pain or her story. the framework of the story doesn’t allow for this ending to be tragic for her, though - clearly the tragedy lies with the father and son, finally having opened up to one another, unfortunately too late, and dying early, unjust deaths at the hands of this unknowable malignant entity. it doesn’t do justice to her (or the girlfriend, who seems to be nothing but collateral damage in all of this - in the ending sequence, when the police finds the carnage, it only shows them finding the bodies of the men. the girlfriend is as irrelevant to the conclusion as she is to the rest of the plot). 

but does this mean the autopsy of jane doe is a “bad” movie? i guess it depends on your perspective. ultimately, it’s one of those questions that i find myself asking when faced with certain kinds of stories that inevitably crop up often in our media: how much can we excuse a story for upholding regressive social norms (even unintentionally) before we have to discount the whole work? i don’t think the autopsy of jane doe warrants complete rejection for being “problematic” but i think the critical acclaim based on the idea that it’s a feminist film should be rejected. i still consider it a very interesting concept with strong acting and a lot of visual appeal, and it’s a very good piece of atmospheric horror. it’s does get a bit boring at certain points, but the core of the film is solid. it’s also not trying to be sexist, arguably it’s not overtly sexist at all, it’s just very very androcentric at the expense of its female characters, and i’m genuinely shocked that anyone would call it feminist. so sure, let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water, but let’s also be critical about how it’s using women as the stage for men’s emotional conflict 

also re: my description of this little project as “a film isn’t feminist just because there’s a woman’s name in the title” - i actually don’t want to skim over the fact that “jane doe” isn’t a real name. of the three women in the film, only one has a real name; the other two are referred to by names given to them by men. i’ll conclude on this note because i want to emphasize the lack of even very basic ways of recognizing individual identity afforded to women in this film. so yeah! the end! thanks for your consideration if you read this far! 

[youarestellarverse]

@starlightshadowsworld tagged me in a thing about sexuality headcanons!

For the actual canon, my general feel is that it started at a period of time when having a main queer character in a series for young people that wasn't specifically a Queer Series was unacceptable. This has fortunately started to change in recent years (partly because of Nico— I cannot overstate the impact it had that a hugely popular author who could afford to take that risk insisted on taking that risk; the difference in post-HOH mainstream queer youth characters is so massive it makes my fourteen year old self weep as she keyword searches "gay and lesbian" on her library network because David Levithan and Annie On My Mind were her only options). The books seem to be adapting from "everyone is straight because Hyperion Publishing is owned by Disney" to "young teenagers are still figuring things out". I like that method, personally!

So that's why I'm answering this over here on my ficblog instead of my main @stillneedsmorekissing. I present the sexualities I am using in my fic (plus a few kink roles for the ones I've actually considered):

Percy is a sub who uses both "bisexual" and "pansexual":

"You know I think you're breathtaking."

"Against all odds, yes, I do."

"How do you feel?"

Percy blinks, like he hadn't been expecting it.

"I feel...pretty," he says, after a long minute of quiet. Then he smirks, and Jason gets where he's going with it a second before he makes the West Side Story reference. "And witty. I have too much baggage from the 'that's so gay' craze to use it as an umbrella term for myself, but 'bi' rhymes with 'guy', so it almost works if you swap it in and moosh two stanzas together."

"Are you still using pansexual too?" Jason takes another photo, watching as Percy relaxes into the pillow again, his eyes closing.

"Yeah. They both fit, they're both comfy, so why not?" He half-shrugs. "Pan is probably closer if we're going purely by definition, but they're similar enough that I don't care about making a firm distinction for myself. Plus I got most of my pride stuff secondhand from Paul, and he got most of it, like, a decade before pansexuality was coined. He even gave me a couple vintage bi-angle pins."

Jason immediately pictures a set of two tri-tone portraits, one for each flag. That's a project he'll definitely have to use Rachel's studio for; he'll need oil paint and a large canvas to do it justice.

"I wonder how he'd feel about you calling them vintage."

(From Here in Our Bed, chapter 12)

Jason is a bisexual dom.

Nico is a gay switch.

The rest are under a cut because they spoil some plans.

Reyna is biromantic and asexual/sex-neutral (she's not bothered by doing it, but she wouldn't seek it out for fun). She is, however, very much a domme...which can be a tiny bit of a problem, because:

Piper is a lesbian, and also a domme-leaning switch.

This is set up for the bisexual Annabeth to figure out she thought she was a domme, but she's actually a sub-leaning switch— she was misinterpreting her bratty streak. She and Piper are both allosexual and she doesn't mind getting ganged up on and losing fights, which balances out the relationship and gets it running smoothly again!

Hazel is straight.

Frank is straight with one (1) exception.

Leo is the exception, and isn't actually sure how he identifies, because it doesn't occur to him until many years down the line when they enter a V with Hazel and he eventually has to come to terms with the fact that at some point he acquired a boyfriend and made the V a triangle when he wasn't looking. Tentatively, he ends up landing simply on "queer", because nothing else seems to fit exactly right and that's what it's there for!

I'm still considering gender, because I'm undecided on whether my current Brand New Genderfluid Awakening Process is something I want to work through fictionally yet, but I suspect Percy will ultimately decide he's a guy with an asterisk.

(Also, the mental image of Jason using drag as a vehicle for self-expression after a lifetime of being molded into the Paragon of Masculine Ideals will not leave me alone, so there's that.)

That's about all I got so far!

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I love your takes so i wondered what are your thoughts about He Who Remains offering Loki and Sylvie his power?

In my opinion, this was a deception which is symbolized by Kang eating an apple. He and Miss Minutes tempt Loki and Sylvie by offering them their hearts' greatest desires: being together and power. While Loki had the good intentions at heart, i think he is Eve in this scenario, however, Sylvie is no Adam. Kang miscalculated one thing: Sylvie hates power because the authority is what made her life miserable, she won't take this job because she thinks the system itself is evil. She does not care about tormenting Kang or The TVA or creating the worlds to her liking, she wants the justice, revenge and this fascism to end.

I don't think that killing Kang was a mistake even if the chaos followed, i believe that's what the universes have to go through in order to resolve the whole multiverse problem once and for all, because while the many bad variants are no good, the authoritarian regime obliterating many innocents for the sake of the few is no better. Sorry for a long ask! 💚🗡

hi!!! dhsjdhdjs thank you sm for the compliment, I'm happy you like my takes on stuff!!

ok this is kinda fun for me bc I am a Christian, so I definitely pick up on the imagery and themes and it's pretty interesting how they used that?? (also the free will/determinism discussion is much fun for me bc I can be a bit of a theology nerd dhsjsjssksj)

I don't have a whole lot to add to what you said, except just that you're,,, very right. I dunno if I can get into the free will vs/and determinism stuff without it sounding massively unhinged and only making sense to my theology mutuals (@ontologicalmoki @kayliebooks @ the rest of the knitting circle hiiiiiiiiii) but it is a very interesting concept within the show, because it's very... black and white?? like my belief is that, somewhat paradoxically, both can coexist. can't really explain that one without faith, but yeah. and the Loki series takes a very "one or the other" stance BECAUSE the person doing the determining isn't actually God — so of course HWR's taking away of free will (and I would argue that there *was* still free will even with him around, @fortes-fortuna-iogurtum said something about this a while ago but I forget how she put it shjdjsks) isn't right or reconcileable!

your last paragraph is the one that stands out to me tbh, because like... I mean this is obviously fiction so I'm not taking it as anything with actual moral weight, ya know, but I don't think killing HWR was either wrong *or* necessarily right, either? the timelines were freed before Sylvie killed him. the threshold had been crossed and the timelines were all splitting anyway (which is something I think a lot of people miss??? idk but it seems very clear to me when I watch the episode); at that point it wasn't about free will, and really, was it ever?

like YES 100% that is Sylvie's beliefs and she HATES what the TVA does and what HWR was perpetuating and she is RIGHT bc no one should ever have that kind of thing down to them, but her end goal wasn't, ultimately come right down to it, about that ideal and that freedom for everyone else. it was personal — it was ALWAYS personal to her, she says that herself — and it was about killing the man who, by virtue of his position, took everything from her.

(an aside in two parts: number one, that i would argue that the far more personal side is between Sylvie and Ravonna. Ravonna is, after all, very very directly — more directly even than HWR, despite him orchestrating everything — the person who stole Sylvie from her life and her life from her. Ravonna is the one with a pretty clear vendetta and who very personally hates Sylvie. HWR actually doesn't seem to dislike her, which is mildly funny tbh, but Ravonna? H A T E S Sylvie. imo I feel like that's the more revenge-worthy side of it tbh, because directly and personally Ravonna is the one who took everything Sylvie ever cared about and who ever cared about her — including Loki, at the end of ep4!!! — from her.

secondly: HWR says that it isn't personal; yet, as a matter of fact, he's intentionally orchestrated everything just to get Sylvie and Loki to the Citadel. sounds pretty personal to me tbh. and like yeah I know he's Not a good dude and he's Very Much Not above lying but that's... interesting to me?? because he's obviously manipulating the situation and I think he wants to cause a schism between Loki and Sylvie. he sees the way they're magnetized to each other and almost immediately starts planting seeds of doubt for Sylvie: "you really think you can trust this guy?" etc. BUT THE THING IS that he says that bit about it not being personal, even though it actually is personal on some level, and I wonder if that wasn't just to make Sylvie angrier? like... he's kinda playing with her, in the worst way. and I think he wants her to be a little bit unhinged, if only because her desperation and hurt and anger is entertaining for him or because of some purpose he may have for it, idk.)

Sylvie's justification for killing HWR (aside from the fact that she doesn't have any qualms about killing in general) is entirely wrapped up in her own vindication. she wants her right to exist and she wants revenge for what's been taken from her. she's made her entire purpose and identity about this, because what else did she have to build herself on? her entire mission and so much of her identity is very negative-focused: she is AGAINST the TVA and HWR. but the question is (and I very much hope the second season will delve into this), what is she FOR? who is she with that mission behind her and what does she fight for instead of simply the things she fights against, if that makes sense.

so like, yeah, I think that that was what was meant to happen. the multiverse was always gonna break free; there was a clear threshold and even HWR knew that. the thing with setting it up to get Sylvie and Loki there was that he wanted them to take over, which neither of them wanted (rightly!!). this is what idk if people actually *get*: it was always going to happen. there's no other way it could go; the timelines were always going to break free. there's not a thing anyone — HWR, Loki or Sylvie or both of them, even the TVA as one massive whole — could have done. someone/thing that is not God cannot, in the long run, fill God's role.

and honestly??? I think that's a really dang interesting angle to write a TV show on.

[st-just]

Semi-coherent Thoughts on the Poppy War Series

(Because I really need to start forcing myself to write semi-consistently again)

So I’ll say outright that I actually liked the series quite a bit, which does mean I actually got engaged and invested enough to start turning it over and picking it apart in my head after I finished it. So, like, this is probably going to come across as more negative overall than my actual opinions of the books.

Anyway, first off I really do adore Rin as a protagonist (I’d say ‘heroine’, but, well, no). Now partially this is because I always love even minimally sympathetic morally grey (..grey like coal soot, in this case) protagonists. But she’s just also such a complete garbage fire of a person, it’s kind of endearing. Well, that’s a bit callous – her entire personality is more or less a conflict between different kinds of unhealthy responses to powerlessness and trauma. Be she’s also just such a mess, and when she really starts leaning into delusions of grandeur you can’t help but root for her and hope things do actually turn out okay, regardless of how many fivers of blood she’s currently fantasizing about creating.

A big part of that is just how thoroughly awful the entire setting is, and how terrible everyone in it are, of course. Like, there are basically exactly three developed character in the entire trilogy who are unambiguously at least mostly good people (Chen, probably Venka, specifically the amnesiac and semi-delusional version of Jiang, but that’s being generous), and the fact that they stick around with Rin right to the end kind of puts that into doubt, honestly. Beyond that – almost every family has negligent or abusive parents, and literally every political figure is a bloody-handed tyrant ruling through violence and fear. The Hesperians are racist imperialists convinced they have a divine mandate to conquer the world, the Mugenese are every horror story from the IJA during WW2 translated to a pre-industrial fantasy setting, the ruling elite of Nikara are so many racist, scheming, power-hungry snakes with no concerns except their own position....

And, part and parcel with how terrible the setting is, Kuang does an incredible job of making all the worst things Rin does (until the final act, anyway) incredibly cathartic and badass and fun-in-a-fucked-up-way to read. There’s a terrible sort of awe while she turns the main islands of not!Japan into a pyroclastic hellscape. And whenever she gets a chance to enact any of her numerous revenges on some of the many people who abused and betrayed her it’s always poetic, in a Count-of-Monte-Cristo sort of way, and so kind of sickly compelling, even beyond it being some of the only times Rin’s really hopeful and happy. (Also, there are fun villainous monologues and quippy post-murder one-liners!)

Also, all forms of love are a terrible idea 100% of the time and is only going to end in at least one of the parties dead, abused, or (more or less literally) killing themselves in order to keep up with the other/earn their approval/try to keep them together. (I mean, Rin mostly had horrible taste in men, but Chen wasn’t able to stay mad at her for longer than a few months even after the whole ‘genocide’ thing, which he’s just about the only person to react to with any horror whatsoever. And look at how that ended up working out for him, so-)

I’m sure comparing grimdark fantasy to A Song of Ice And Fire is thoroughly out of fashion by now, but the overall perspective really did strike me as incredibly similar to Martin’s, a lot of the time. ‘Legitimate’ power and ‘lawful’ authority are ultimately nothing but polite fictions maintained by violence, terror and brutal oppression. War is a hell suffered most keenly by civilians with the misfortune to live and die in the middle of it, and least of all by the people with the power who actually start and end them. A flawed and unequal peace is very often preferable to dragging everything to hell with you as you die for the sake of freedom. And so on.

Now, to start the nitpicking – this is entirely personal and aesthetic, but it was kind of annoying how each of the first two books ended in moments of megalomaniac grandeur and terrifying empowerment, and then the next book started with a timeskip of things having gone to shit and her back under someone else’s thumb, and then a solid majority of the text is spent getting manipulated, betrayed, and finally crawling and clawing her way back out to the same point (both emotionally and in terms of independence/vision) that she had been at the previous book’s climax.

This isn’t anything even close to unique to TPW, of course – everything going to shit between the end of one story and the start of the sequel is kind of endemic to a lot of genres, really. And it is frankly incredibly in character for Rin to go through cycles flipping between resentment at being manipulated and used, and desperately craving authority figures to tell her what she should do and give her validation as valuable or useful. Still a bit annoying to read, though.

I’m sure it’s more me than the books – not like they didn’t put in the effort – but I could just never get really invested in the whole enemies-to-almost-lovers-to-enemies-again-to-? Thing with Nezha. Like, he’s interesting in that you can do a 180 perspective flip and he’d clearly be just as suitable a protagonist as Rin is, and his life’s very sad and everything. But, like, we get a front row seat to Rin’s internal monologue, and she gets thirsty for plenty of terrible men (and one awful woman), the only thing that makes Nezha special is that he’s not at least twice her age. So I never really got nearly as emotionally invested in them as the books seemed to expect me to. Which does kind of hurt the whole final act of book three.

Speaking of – okay, the ending isn’t awful or anything, but it is kind of disappointing in being exactly what you would expect it to be, as far as Rin’s character arc goes? Which might be just because I was already primed to compare this to ASOIF and she just literally pulls a Daenerys (fire-aligned vengeance/justice character with revolutionary impulses and an autocratic sensibility is willing to burn down the world in the process of freeing it, goes mad with power and paranoia, needs to be put down for the good of the country), but still. Her reading Venka throwing her to the ground to avoid an assassination attempt as a betrayal and burning her to death before she realized what was happening was just really heavy handed, you know? Same with turning on Kitay, who at this point is her actual literal soulmate. (Also sad in a broader sense, because those two are like literally two of the only characters in the entire series I’d actually peg as worthy of/capable of being trusted with political power.)

The specifics aside, I’m a miserable enough person to appreciate how unsatisfying the actual resolution at the end of the book is – imperialism wins! Literally no choice but to sign those unequal treaties and hope you’re eventually able to grow strong enough to force them out! Everything is the same as before this forty-year cycle of wars except much, much worse! - but yeah, I really just don’t actually care about Nezha enough as a character for it to really land. Also Kitay and Venka deserved better, even if literally no one else did.

Anyway, yeah, good series. Would recommend if you like the genre and can stomach all the, well, everything.

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH.7

DISCLAIMER: Anything said about the Warrens in this work of fiction is not fact and more of an opinion. Not a skeptic just not a fan of their protocols and practices. I am not accusing the Warrens of anything in this work nor am I stating to know what actually happened in any of their cases. If you want to form your own opinion the podcast And That's Why We Drink has done multiple segments on their case files and given multiple reasoning for certain aspect of the cases.

If you didn't care that's fine I'm just trying not to get a defamation case.

Finding yourself lost to the humdrum of another by gone weekend and in the midst of a dull Monday morning is where most people start praying for some excitement. But when the excitement is debating the possibility of a stalker, you'd gladly take another lack luster week than deal with this bullshit.

And debating the possibility is the wrong thing to say. It's more accurate to say you've been contemplating what the proper steps to take in this situation are. Going to the police, or rather the Sheriff, is out because of how fucking useless they are when there's not a suspect present or Blue's Clue style trails for them to follow like breadcrumbs.

While David's surprising reappearance does stick out, you have no evidence to pin this to him. Then with all your knowledge on true crime and the likely hood of suspects it tends to be the first one who you've encountered in the stories. And that would point to Tim since you met him right before these shenanigans started but you were with him last night at the mini mart and even lost those fifty minutes together. So, there's no possible way Tim broke into your home and placed a book on your coffee table.

Then there's the issue of the book. You noticed it missing instantly because Toby had taken something from its shelf that you then went to put back. But it gets placed on your coffee table after you left, but not after you left the first time to take Toby home. Which was before you'd even notice the book gone. They were watching you, and knew you saw the book missing. You had to figure out how they were watching you. In case it was cameras you had changed in the dark of your closet today. And thankfully you've had practice showering in the dark before.

You really need more proof that you are being stalked and soon. The sooner you get that the sooner you can involve Big Jo. You'd thought on this all of yesterday on what you'd do and who you'd ask for help and the Cowells seem like your best bet in terms of stopping the stalker. Though that's only after you have proof. While Big Jo will help you out in a heartbeat you know it's more of a save his own skin down the line type of help and not out of the kindness of his heart, without proof he'd only humor you for a little bit. Not to mention if the stalker knows you're on to them at this point they could stop making it obvious, they'd get stricter with themselves, leave less evidence of their presence behind. Meaning it'd take longer to to get proof to catch them and even longer for you to feel comfortable.

Which is why you shoved away the idea of couch surfing until this blows over. If they were watching you at your house what would stop them from following you somewhere else. And if that happened and your friends got targeted or hurt you don't know how you'd live with yourself knowing you brought that to them. Or the other alternative of the stalker psychologically fucking with you and making you look crazy to your support system in this town before ultimately taking you down.

An even bigger reason as to why you suspect David. He'd been the first to start talking about Bambi's “wanderlust” before she disappeared. She'd laugh it off when people commented on it, but never really made mention of wanting to leave. He got it into everyone's heads that she wanted to get out of Kepler. To travel yeah, but she loved this town, she said it was home, she'd never leave without saying something.

When you came into town she'd been your first friend in years. You'll be the first to admit that you latched on to her but she quickly got you out making more friends with the residents. And even when you started hanging out with Hollis, Jake, and Kirby off planning events and deep diving for obscure movies for Saturday Night Dead she'd still talk with you everyday while she worked.

You really miss her.

Even if it wasn't David behind this, if this stalker was the person behind whatever happened to Bambi, you'd catch them. Not for peace of mind but so she'd have justice. It's what she deserves.

“uugggggggggh” you're pulling out your hair as you lay face down on the counter.

“I've never read The Book Thief but I didn't think it was supposed to be a frustrating book.” Nate says as he stops his dusting of the shelves.

You'd been “reading” the book your stalker left for you to find. Hoping you'd find a clue somewhere within it's pages to point to a suspect. But you've combed every page and not even the slightest mark had been left.

“Sorry I...I just have a lot of thoughts right now.” You say looking up through your arms that are now draped over your head.

“Want to talk?”

“Not now.”

The concern and uncertainty behind his gray eyes gives away his skepticism.

“Well, I'm here if you need.” a gentle reminder.

“I know and I appreciate it!”

Nate returns to his cleaning, sometimes it's like he was programmed to be productive. Most times actually. And you turn back to your book, having found no clues you decide to actually read through it. After all it is one of your favorites and maybe it will serve as a distraction from this whole mess. Help you calm down some.

An hour into your reading you're so engrossed in the story you hardly notice when the bell rings signaling the entry of a customer. If it wasn't for Nate calling out you'd have missed them completely.

“Hey welcome to Book & Nook.” the sound of his voice bombing through the quiet store front, startling you.

You look up at the right moment to catch sight of a furry black and brown rear going down an isle. Connor! Oh wait don't get too excited he has to be on duty to be here.

Now knowing that Brian has a need for the service dog too, you decide to wait and see who has Connor today. If it's Toby you could have a nice chat but if it's Brian you could be polite. Maybe thank him for helping with your episode the other night. Discretely of course, Nate would worry if he knew you had a panic attack. He'd probably assume it was due to the stress of the previous week and might force you to take some time to yourself. And that's the last thing you'd need if you were being stalked.

You really need to come up with an action plan. Keeping in mind that the stalker may not leave clues or escalate for a while it's probably best if you start getting active around town. Planting your roots deep and saying “hey I'm not going anywhere willingly”, but like subtly, y'know. Maybe start making habits about obsessively getting receipts even for packs of gum so if the last person who sees you is a cashier maybe they'd remember the strange interaction and might be able to help police find your body quicker.

God why does this all have to be so frustrating? And why you? Who stalks the mentally ill person who does nothing put listen to horror podcast and watch paranormal and true crime shows? Do they want to be harmed? Do they want to get caught. Oh for fuck's sake, that's another rabbit hole of possibilities.

You could've ignored the chime of the bell, but you most certainly couldn't ignore the boisterous voice that rang through the store. A welcomed distraction from your current mental struggle.

“What's up bros and non binary hoes?” Jake walks through the store like he owns the place, carrying a picnic basket over to the counter. As much of a Chad move it is Jake's a really nice guy he just has too much natural swagger in everything he does. It's probably the snow boarding showman in him.

“Jakey!” A very much welcomed distraction. Jake can always cheer you up with his “rad” antics and laissez faire attitude.

“What are you doing here?” while some of the stunt crew occasionally comes in for a book or to chat with you during your shift. Jake's never been one of them. You want to make the joke that the guy never learned to read but you've seen him actually read the manual that came with the new heater they got installed at the lodge. More of a practical reader than a for funsies reader.

“Sup YN, came to show you the picnic set ups that got in.” he places the basket on the counter and his hands give a jazzy effect for emphasis. What a dork.

“You missed the reveal at Saturday Night Dead, so I thought I'd stop by and let you see the final product before we finalize everything next week. After all 'Pride Picnic' was your idea, makes since that you should get the final say.”

With all the excitement of the past week you'd forgotten that it was already June. And you all had been planning a picnic for pride instead of a parade this year. So, and to quote yourself here, “Even the quiet queers can celebrate.” You guys had been planning this practically since you met. Seeing as you'd pretty much solidified a spot in Kepler's LGBTQIA+ community and planning committee. Really it was just the usual suspects for Saturday Night Dead; The Hornets, Hollis, Jake, and Kirby. But The Hornets, Hollis, and Jake were the extroverted types so when you mentioned a picnic to include the introverts or even the closeted of the community Kirby jumped at the idea before they could argue. Which they hadn't, everyone had been psyched for a change of event and for something that was more of a big block party than a traffic jam for the small town.

“Well?” you ask with anticipation nearly killing you.

Jake can't help his excited huffed laughter, kind of sounds like the 'boof' of a dog. And in one grand motion he opens the wicker basket revealing the lovely Pride set. It was a typical eight person set including stackable cups, forks, spoons, knives, flatware, and even bowls. One of item of each was assigned a color, going through the rainbow from pink all the way down to violet. It'd been a bit of a battle for Hollis to get the manufacturer to include pink and violet for some reason but they'd managed to persuade them enough. Probably pulled the influencer card and the company's marketing team caved instantly. But it got done, so yay to sell outs. One thing that'd been unanimously agreed on was having the modern flag incorporated. Which when you pulled out the thick durable blanket, was a vision that you couldn't have ever dreamed up. It wasn't a flimsy cover that was so thin that you could see through, but it wasn't the rough texture that most thicker blankets tend to have. And it was ginormous. But then again the basket was supposed to fit eight people per. Meaning the blankets would have to be eight person as well.

“Dude it's perfect.” you really didn't need to say anything, Jake could see your excitement from the stimming sway you were currently doing. But you took no notice of your stim as you stared in aww at the basket before you.

“Are non committee members allowed to see?” Why even ask when you're already craning your neck for a peak.

You and Jake share a look before rolling your eyes and waving Nate on over to inspect the Pride Picnic box.

“Woah you guys did great on this.” Nate says as he undoes the wrap around the cups to give one a tap. When it gives the tap tap that only ceramics make he nods in approval at the quality.

“Hollis was the lesion with the manufacturer so it was in our favor from the start.” Jake responds, not only were these baskets ordered at a heavily discounted rate due to bulk buying but add on the influencer discount and yea it pays to be an extreme sports streamer. So the man was allowed to be proud of his partner.

“Blankets don't leave a lot of room for food though.” you note with a pout.

“Yea we noticed that Saturday too,” you may have been pouting but Jake looks like a whole kicked puppy. “But we have an idea for that...at least for the picnic.” wow human labradors bounce back fast.

“Everyone brainstormed and we thought doing like a potluck style picnic for sides and deserts, then Barclay said he'd take care of main dishes.” That did sound like a good idea but with the turn out you were expecting you weren't sure. Especially with the time frame being two weeks. It's such short notice.

“Jakey, we're talking like block party amount of people, maybe like half the town max here...won't that be too much for him?” He'd already donated so much for you to even be able to order all these baskets since this wasn't a city sanctioned event. Sure everyone in the committee chipped in for a basket each or in some cases splitting one, but the majority of funds came from Barclay even if he said it'd be a donation from the lodge to add catering to his plate it was all too much.

“He'll be fine, he offered. And you haven't seen the lodge in the winter. Barc's used to it.” despite his confidence in the mountain of a cook, you think you'd stop by the lodge this week and offer a hand.

Nate and Jake get side tracked on discussing the details of the picnic while you struggle to fold the huge blanket. Having to step outside of the counter to get better leverage. When two large hands come from either side of the blanket and stretch it more. Jumping back from the blanket like it burned you. Amused hazel eyes meet yours as the blanket lowers until you can make out Brian's grinning face, your pretty sure that's the most genuine look he's had.

“Sorry, looked like you needed some help.” he's still grinning and while it isn't mean spirited, the lack of any sheepishness let's you know he's not really sorry. He'd been trying to at least give you a little scare, the fuck boy.

“Hey...ya thanks.” you say making to grab the bottom of the blanket and lift it up.

The two of you fold the blanket back up in no time with a weird synchronization for two people who never said a word. You just followed his lead and in no time the blanket was placed on the counter by Brian. Nate and Jake lost in conversation on the other side of the store, from what you can hear Nate's telling Jake about the faucet in the backroom that won't stop leaking and Jake offered to help.

“Mind if I have a look?” cocking his head towards the basket.

“Oh go ahead.” You don't see any harm in letting him have a look, if he was a homophobic dick who'd trash the box it wouldn't make sense that he gave you a ride. Or help you fold a pride flag picnic blanket up.

Thinking back on it he knew a proper gender neutral substitute. Even if he wasn't an ally in the sense of actively participating with the queer community he was in the sense of his awareness and knowledge. You've already extended an offer to Tim maybe Brian would appreciate one too.

“We'll be having a Pride Picnic this year in place of a Parade. Anyone for it is welcome to come.”

“Yea I think I heard talk of a potluck, right?”

“mmhmm” just as you go to nod your tic kicks in and your neck snaps left then right, “Barclay, he runs the Amnesty Lodge, he'll be cooking the main dishes. From what I hear we'll have most dietary restrictions covered.” Brian's brow furrows a bit as he tilts his head to look at you, before he straightens it back.

“That's right you haven't been here long.” he says it stoically and more to himself.

A comment like that should send your mind racing with thoughts of you stalker, but Toby could've just as easily mentioned it. Brian seems lost in thought after this and you take the time to look elsewhere, and see Connor who's sitting at Brian's side staring up at him.

Mindlessly you start to push your thumb into your palm with the other fingers on that hand rhythmically. Brian has Connor, and Toby said it was for seizures. Is it rude to ask how he's doing right now? You two have only spoken once, sure he helped get you to work and home but you'd argue that Toby did most of the work in both those cases. Not to mention you'd had breakfast with Toby and got to actually have a conversation and learn about him. You'd maybe said seven sentences to Brian since meeting him. It would definitely be weird to ask if he was ok.

“You ok there su- YN?” you note he did correct himself from calling you 'sugar'.

Shaking yourself out of your thoughts you look up confused at him.

“Uh...yea why?”

“Your hand.”

Looking to see what he's talking about you see you've just been pressing your thumb into your palm fingers dancing along in a rhythm you've long since forgotten the origin of. Cracking you thumb a few times and flexing your fingers you look back to Brian.

“Sorry just thinking, that happens sometimes.” you interrupt the silence before it has a chance to settle, “So...yea...everyone's welcome to the Picnic. Dogs too on or off duty. It's next Sunday just show up to Amnesty Lodge at like ten thirty in the morning and then everyone's hiking on over to the Archway. It's a great clearing and big enough to hold everyone.”

“I'll talk ta the boys 'n see what they think.”

“Ok cool cool, and when I said next Sunday I did mean next Sunday,”

“And not this one, gotcha.” You give him a smile which he returns.

Maybe this fuck boy look a like wasn't so bad...or he was just used to Toby's masked expressions. Still too soon to tell, he might still turn out to be a fuck boy in personality too.

“Do I check out here or...” you've only just noticed the four books on the counter.

“Oh yeah sure thing.”

Once you're behind the counter you have a clear view of the books that Brian's brought over Ghost an American History of Haunted Locations, Bell Dame, Deer from Hunt to Table, and lastly the first book in the Magnus Chase series. Odd collection but you yourself would read three out of four of them so you really can't say much.

“Oh have you read Percy Jackson or the Kane Chronicles?” making small talk isn't your strong suit but if you can find a fellow Riordan fan you'll make the attempt.

“What? Oh, oh nah, these are for Toby. He's working right now but wanted me to pick some new books up for him.” you make a note to try to talk to Toby about the series in the future. If he is a Riordan fan you can't wait for him to get to the Trials of Apollo series. “But 'e's read Percy Jackson, so is this next?”

This man has no idea the can of worms he just unleashed upon himself.

“No. Now has he read just the Percy Jackson series, or has he also read The Heroes of Olympus books?” He stares blankly at you.

“He's read whatever Percy Jackson was in the title of.”

“Ok, c'mon.” swiping Magnus Chase from the counter you make your way to the fiction YA section. Placing the book on the empty spot it came from you glance the shelves before finding The Lost Hero.

“This would be next, there are five in this series,” you pass the book off to Brian so you can point back to the shelf, “Then he'll have the Kane Chronicles, Magnus Chase, and Trials of Apollo series to look forward to. Book counts in each are three, three, and five.”

“So....Heroes of Olympus,” you nod at his pause, “five books in the series, Kane Chronicles three, Magnus Chase three, and Trials of Apollo five. Got it.”

“If you need help grabbing the next title just get me I've got it memorized from how obsessed with the Riordaverse I am.”

“Big reader?” he asks with a smirk.

“Not at all, just a found a good writer. Toby would probably like Neil Gaiman's work too. Maybe Diana Wynne Jones.”

“I've tried to get 'im to read American Gods but he just won't have it.” well this is awkward.

“I was thinking more Good Omens and Coraline.” Yea so this is a silence. Best make haste. To the counter!

Checking Brian out for the proper next book in the series, plus those other three, you forego the attempt at small talk. However, this is Kepler and you live in the radio quiet zone...the dial up internet doesn't make this a fast check out on your electronic register.

You remember two of the other books had been paranormal, might be worth a shot to bring up Saturday Night Dead in an attempt to stall for the register.

“Did Tim let you guys know about Saturday Night Dead over at the Cryptonomica?”

“Yea, somethin' bout cheesy horror movies right?”

“mmhmm, normally they're the good kind of bad but this week kick starts months of horribly awful kind.” the computer has finally loaded.

“Jeez YN do you want people to come to the show or not.” Jake's laughing so he can't be angry that you're insulting the upcoming movie list.

Scanning the books through you don't look up when you state, “I just have the personal opinion that you shouldn't prey upon low income families and sell their nightmares for profit then run.” you do look up after bagging the books to say, “Allegedly. And your total's thrity-five o'seven.”

“What's the movie?” Brian inserts his card into the chip reader.

“Insidious.” you and Jake said it at the same time, but in two totally different tones.

“Not a fan huh?” smirking bastard, he is a fuck boy you decide.

“The movie's fine, the case file and the people who inspired it are not.”

Brian's removed his card and opens his mouth, probably to egg you on even more when Jake throws in his two cents.

“Yeah yeah YN. Hollis told me all about the powerpoint. How 'bout we save this rage for Saturday. It's only a couple weeks.”

“Jake....there are at least 10 Amityville movies.” That shakes his mood.

“...what?”

“There are three Annebelles, Conjuring, and Insidious movies. Don't forget The Nun, La Llorona, The Haunting in Connecticut, and by the time we finish all those, there could be another Nun movie or The Crooked Man will have come out.” it's so matter of fact and you dare any of them to challenge you on this. Sad thing is you aren't even sure if those make up all the case file movies. But you do know it's a majority of them.

“For someone who hates these people, you sure know their movies.” Nate calls from his stool as he resumes dusting. God damn him and his uncle ways.

“Nah I get it, lay all the facts out so it's easier to see the lies and deceptions.” Brian supplies the other two men. Reaching out for his receipt he smiles down at you...a bit more genuine you note. Like the one you saw earlier. You are on a roll with this guy.

Like a Vespa it hits you. The reason Brian seems so familiar and so frustrating. The reason he gets under your skin with just a look. You should have caught on sooner but you'd paid so much attention, or not enough attention, to everything around you both. Looking at his face you hand him the receipt. It isn't real. He isn't really him. He'd been lying. No not lying, acting.

Just as he crosses the threshold you call out, “Your mask is really fucking irritating!”

Through the windows you see him pause as your words catch up with him, and you watch as he turns to make eye contact with you. He smiles again, and it's a nasty thing. A twisted smile mixed with...not ill intent but definitely not a friendly grin. His hazel eyes have a lively gleam in them. And you understand what that smile means.

The game is so on. Fuck boy.

[anileahvictoria]

Adam Kendall from My Little House on the Prairie.

Cutie Mark: Adam has always had a fascination with law and thought about becoming a lawyer many times, but ultimately decides he could do more good as a teacher for the blind. His cutie mark was inspired by the saying that justice is blind, so the scales of justice represent balancing his love for the study of law with his responsibilities as a teacher, and husband, and the cloth is Lady Justice’s eye covering that makes her blind, just like Adam is.

I accidentally referred to Little House on the Prairie as My Little House on the Prairie, and this fan art was born. More on that later, It's time for a rant. Adam is my favorite character from the series until I got mad and left the fandom cause they did this beautiful man dirty, so It’s time to rant about it.

#1. The Romance. The romance between Mary and adam was totally out of the blue. When Merry goes blind, she's shipped off to blind school, and her teacher is this capable, intelligent and hard-working young man named Adam Kendal. His teaching still is very much tough love, and he doesn't take crap from his students. Mary starts as a reluctant, uncooperative, self-pitying, closed-minded student doing things like throwing her things across the room. Adam handles all this brilliantly, saying stuff like: if you're gonna make a mess, your gonna clean it up. Doesn't baby her or pitty her AT ALL. Exactly what she needs. After a few months, Mary's attitude changes drastically, and she's thriving thanks to Adam. But when Adam sits her down to teach her some piano, she has a moment of self-doubt: 

Merry: I could never learn...

Adam: I wish you would forget about that. Some of the greatest writers and composers in the worl were blind.Have you ever heard of John Milton? 

Merry: Well of course. He- he wrote Paradise Lost, one of my favorite books.

Adam: Well, he was also blind. Now, do you want to play the piano or not?

Merry: There wouldn't be enough time. You know my family's coming to take me home. They'll be here in a few days.

Adam: It's been a long time, hasn't it, since you've seen your folks?

Merry: It seems like a lifetime. Adam, I'm so scared. I mean... I know I'm ready to go home... But here it's- it's easy, and I've always got you to help me.

Adam: Merry, you can't depend on me forever. And I'll be leaving too. 

Merry: Where are you going?

Adam: To Winoka, to start a new blind school.

Merry: Why didn't you tell me?

Adam: I don't know. It just never came up. 

Merry: Then I'm glad I'm going home.

Adam: Merry, it's not that much different out there. Not really.

And now it gets all angsty:

Merry: Yes, it is. I wouldn't expect you to understand. How could you? 

Adam: Mary...

Mary: The world isn't like the Burton school for the blind. It... It's a huge, dark place filled with... hidden obstacles and... strange sounds and voices coming from faceless people. Even you. I've never even seen you. 

Adam: Well then look at me. 

... And then they start feeling each other's faces and, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure blind people don't actually do that...

And then it gets randomly and weirdly romantic...

Mary: What color are your eyes?

Adam: Blue.

Mary: Your hair?

Adam: Brown.

Mary: Thank you Adam.

Adam: ...What do you look like, Mary? Ive never seen you either.

Aaaand more face touching.

So apparently, they're a thing now. I'd understand if Adam fell for her cause she looks like a literal angel (seriously, no girl has any business looking that gorgeous), but Adam's blind too. So he's going ultimately off of personality, I'm guessing. And when he first meets Mary, she is not a pleasant person. Yes, she does improve quite a lot, but what makes her any different than all the other students he's taught? It certainly isn't their age, cause Adam's 22 and Mary's 15 (back then, I guess it wasn't a big deal). Also, It creeps me way out that her teacher falls in love with her. The man who spends most hours of the day alone with a vulnerable teenage girl falls in love with said girl AND THEN asks said girl to work for him at his new school in a busy city away from her family where it would just be Adam, Mary, one old man who lives on the top floor, and a few students, not to mention Mary would also be spending the nights there... It's a good thing this isn't that kinda show cause there's a million different ways that could've gone... But because this is Little House on the Prairie, nothing happens, and Adam asks Mary to be his wife soon after she moves in.

#2. Regaining his Sight And Becoming a Lawyer.

This really makes me mad. When Adam gets his sight back and sees the faces of all his friends and, most importantly, his wife for the first time. It's beautiful and wonderful and heaven knows the man deserves a miracle like that, BUT his whole character changes. He goes from a responsible teacher and loving husband who knows who he is and where he's meant to be, to an ambitious young man who would rather chase his dreams of becoming a lawyer than take care of his responsibilities to the school he started, the children he teaches, and the wife he loves. I can understand wanting to go and see the world and do things you couldn't do before, but sighted or blind, he has responsibilities. Mary is kinda left in the dust when Adam makes all these new sighted friends and drags her along to all his fancy lawyer parties while he plays games, runs around laughing and talking, and leaves Mary sitting in a chair all by herself. Like, he doesn't even consider how she must be feeling! He doesn't try to include her in conversations or introduce her to his new friends; she's just a pretty thing that sits there to be cared for. And the thing is, this is exactly what Adam was afraid would happen to him when Mary thought her sight was returning a few episodes ago! Now Adam's new fancy friends get him an opportunity to take some fancy tests to become a lawyer and Adam, without a second thought for Mary, goes off to take the test, not evening considering who would run the school if he passed and became a lawyer. Then some bad stuff happens, and he can't make it to the test, and I'm all relieved cause we all know he belongs with his wife teaching at the school and now he'll see things clearly and get his head off the cloud and onto the here and now. But nooooo, this whole time Mary is hoping he'd fail (and so am I), but when she sees how heartbroken he is, she goes and has a talk with the professor and convinces him to let Adam take the test. He finally relents, and Adam passes and becomes a lawyer, giving the school away to a wonderful woman who teaches there. This whole thing is treated like he made the right choice when he obviously isn't! Not I blame this on the time period the show was made in. Back then, a man had to be ambitious and provide for the family and leave the teaching and such to the woman, so back then, it was a good thing he went off and became a lawyer, but still, I'm mad. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when Adam hands the school over to the lady, Mary no longer teaches there, which means that Adam has taken away Mary's dream of teaching on top of not spending nearly as much time as he used to with her and (though he doesn't realize it and I don't think anyone brings it to his attention cause men are supposed" to do all the work) doesn't let her do things for herself.

#3. He's Fictional.

This one makes me the madest. At first, I turned a blind eye to all these flaws cause I assumed Adam Kendall was based off an actual person, like most characters in the series, but noooo. They made him up just for the tv series. This means his romance with Mary WAS totally random, and Mary staying in the same building as he did BEFORE they were married WAS the writer's choice, and Adam regaining his sight and leaving his wife and school in the dust WAS ALSO THE WRITERS CHOICE! AND he was basically just made to me Mary's husband because Mary doesn't marry or have children in real life. So yeah, my favorite character's development went down the drain. But oh well, that's what we have fanfic and fanart for, am I right? Oh wait, this show is old. No one's made any good fanart/fanfic. K, I'm gonna go cry now. Bye

Also, if anyone has a different opinion or point of view, please tell me about it. I'd love to go back to loving this character, so please change my mind 🥺. 

[isshuns]

the progression of things - discarded scenes

this is a dump post for scenes that were in the original draft, but never made it to final version of the fic. they bear no connection to the final version of "the progression of things”, but i liked them enough that i couldn’t bear just deleting these scenes (TPOT underwent a lot of editing and rewrites) ;_; they were part of the original premise where I wrote Miyano as ace/demisexual, but in the end it didn’t work out ;_;

click on the “read more” link if you’d like to read them, but take note, they’re were part of the rough draft, hence are extremely unpolished. 

Miyano remembers being fifteen, his school bag heavy on his shoulders, but his heart heavier in his chest. Every day he looks at the mirror in his bathroom and wonders why he was cursed with such feminine features, a smaller build than the rest of the boys in his school; everything on his face seemed wrong as though nature forgot to switch its genetic code back to “MASCULINE, MALE” when constructing his face.

He couldn’t blame his parents, they never had any say in what he’d look like when he was born, and his mother would be heartbroken to hear that her son, bearing such resemblance to her looks, actually hated his own.

But as slightly estranged as he was from his middle school classmates when his looks came up as a topic of conversation, Miyano still heard Things whispered amongst his peers, seen Things even, when his classmates included him in their weekly get-together to ogle at printed materials meant for a demographic way beyond their age.

In the flush of youth, where the boys in his class pondered over their body anatomy, fascinated with nature, and looked to adult magazines (stolen from their older sibling’s stash) for enjoyment, Miyano pondered over the harsh reality of his feminine features, upset but resigned with nature, and looked to fashion magazines (taken with permission from his mother’s collection) for pointers on how Not to appear even more like a girl.

(His father’s copies of Business Weekly helped a little too, even if only to remind Miyano how top businessmen in the country dressed for a business photoshoot with the press – suit, tie and expensive watch peeking from the cuffs.)

When the passage of time came and went and Miyano entered high school, he discovered the world of Boys Love manga and dedicated his free time to understanding the intricacies of this fascinating genre. Being a minor, the type of print he could obtain were fairly sweet and innocent, nothing too explicit save for some scenes that took place on a bed, the protagonists’ modesty preserved with a flimsily drawn blanket over their nude bodies.

Occasionally, a book or two with explicit content would make their way to his collection. The internet was also a place full of wonders and possibility, and once or twice Miyano would (secretly) look up the famous series promised with rave reviews, but somehow, Porn Without Plot never really stuck to his repertoire.

Even after becoming of age, Miyano still finds himself gravitating towards the safety that comes with the PG-13 books. There is a strange sort of comfort in consuming fiction that depicts love as something simple and uncomplicated, straightforward and representation that love– intimacy did not necessarily come hand in hand with sexual acts. Intimacy could exist with or without sexual acts and vice versa, whatever floats your boat, really.

For Miyano, it was always the build up leading to that ultimate confession scene (at the rooftop, under the cherry blossom tree by the school yard, the back of the school gym, endless options) that grabbed him by the feels and punted him into the sun. That’s where the highlight is!! He once told Sasaki, unable to hold back on his excitement that twinkled in his eyes.

And identifying all the event flags leading up to that very moment of their first kiss? Unparalleled. Truly the best of all scenes there is. Peak romance. The bedroom scenes (few and rare in his possession) are really just a bonus.

So, while his peers continued to chat about going through the motions in bed, the closest miyano could ever try to relate to during those conversations was the intimacy that came along with the idea of sexual intercourse.

-------------------------------------

The moment Miyano is done with the last of his midterms and bids his notes goodbye (for now), Sasaki magically appears beside him and whisks him away to the nearby izakaya for a celebratory dinner.

“For getting through the first midterm week of your life~” His giant baby boyfriend coos, ever so sweet like the cakes he bakes.

Miyano pretends to be exasperated, shoulders dramatically slumping over the sticky izakaya table, but his heart knows better. It’s been one month since he’s started college (the one Sasaki also so happens to attend, not a coincidence at all), and the privilege of having more time to spend with one another makes Miyano giddy with happiness.

Gone are the days Miyano can only meet his favourite senpai for a handful of hours after club activities until the reality of their courseload slaps them in the face; gone are the days they have to rely on telephone calls and text messages, where the minutes and seconds flashing across the screen serve as an unforgiving reminder of the time they have left before they have to part ways.

It’s all gone now. Sasaki sits before him, in the flesh, and Miyano has always felt that seeing Sasaki’s smile in person would always be different from seeing it on screen. The grainy pixels on his phone can never do those handsome features justice, nor can it the warmth blooming behind his breastbone whenever Sasaki threads their fingers together and walks him all the way back to his dorm.

The freshmen all share a common dormitory block separate from the rest of the college students, something about building connections and getting to know each other better, so Sasaki insists on walking Miyano back to his room before he makes the trek all the way back to his own. The night is young, the dorms are peacefully quiet, and everyone is probably still out in town having a good time.

---------------------------

Loathe as he is to do so, Miyano makes the executive decision to drop by the bookstore one afternoon to try and consult a few adult BL manga. It’s the worst idea he could ever come up with, he hates comparing his own relationship to silly BL manga tropes, but nothing short of an apocalypse would push him to ask the people around him whether it’s normal to… not think about sex in a romantic relationship. While the internet is a wondrous place full of answers and possibilities, Miyano figures it probably wouldn’t hurt to take a peek at how society tackles his questions through the lens of BL manga.

Hurriedly, just before his date with Sasaki, he randomly picks up one of the highly rated R-18 series, heads over to the payment counter quickly, and bolts out of the store the moment the cashier bags his purchases. He makes sure to stuff the damned volumes deep beneath his bag, out of sight, before he heads over to the café to meet Sasaki for lunch.

And when he’s finally back in his own dorm later that night, his roommate blissfully unaware and asleep, Miyano retrieves the book from his bag, cautiously peels away the plastic wrap before he settles down for the night to take notes.

His efforts are all for naught. Halfway through the series – one Junjou Romantica –, it takes Miyano all but 3 volumes before he calls it quits and and promptly closes the book. Guess there’s no way he can redeem his money now, unless Sasaki is into dubcon…? Well, that’s a thought for future Miyano to ponder on. Current Miyano just wants to sleep and wash the images out of his mind with bleach.

-------------------------------

he has no care for sex, but nothing compares to the tender happiness that comes along with partaking in something sasaki enjoys and yearns for. sasaki’s language of love has always been touch and spending time partaking in activities of common interest.

today, sasaki has picked a soothing lo-fi playlist as their background music. they’re seated on the bed, warmly nestled against each other as they browse through their respective manga

his eyes may be on inked pages, but his heart is long gone. he discreetly observes his boyfriend, the curve of his jaw, long lashes almost curling against the high of his cheekbones as his honey-gold eyes flit across pages and pages of content.

the fingers flipping through each page is steady, long, and miyano suddenly wonders how it would feel to have them splayed across his body, touching him in places his own hands have never ventured before.

“what’s wrong, myaa-chan?” sasaki smiles at him, eyes impossibly fond and kind.

well, fuck it, there’s no going back now.

“senpai, what do you think… about… BL with explicit content?”

sasaki blinks. miyano tampers down the urge to kiss those parted lips.

“you mean books with sex scenes in them?”

“yeah.”

“oh.” sasaki turns away, the hand that’s not rested on miyano’s shoulder has found a place on top of sasaki’s mouth. he’s embarrassed, miyano realizes, and somehow that makes him feel ten times more endearing than usual.

sensing that this was a topic his boyfriend wasn’t going to let go any time soon, sasaki clears his throat and returns miyano’s gaze head on.

“i’m fine with it. why do you ask?”

“i… well.” while miyano struggles for words, sasaki hand starts moving up and down his arm, soothing him.

“are you starting to read rated manga? it’s normal, at least, ogasawara’s girlfriend says so. so there’s no need to be shy, myaa-chan! if you want to recommend any, you know I’ll read anything you lend me. no judgment here.”

it should have been reassuring, but the thought that ogasawara’s girlfriend discussed with sasaki about explicit BL manga like it’s the fucking weather has miyano choking on his spit. what the actual fuck.

do people actually talk about these things? is miyano the abnormal one instead for never entertaining the thought of doing things with his significant other?! has he been missing out on some code of relationship couples ought to follow?! the BL mangas he read never said so!

“myaa-chan? are you okay?”

“you- you talk with ogasawara senpai about these things?”

sasaki’s cheeks colour a lovely shade of red. from his looks, he’s starting to catch up with where miyano wants the conversation to go. that’s a relief, because miyano honestly doesn’t know how to tactfully broach the topic without sounding like a dumb dumb about these things.

“yeah, i do.” sasaki admits, “but only once or twice, because ogasawara needed to vent about things. sorry, does that weird you out? i can stop. i don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“no, no, it’s fine. totally fine, senpai.” it must be a common boys topic that somehow eluded miyano and friends during high school. at this point, miyano’s face must be burning with the hot flames of embarrassment and shame, he’s pretty sure sasaki’s fingers can feel the heat all the way from where they are, stroking his cheek absently.

“what brought this on, if you don’t mind me asking?” sasaki asks a moment later, when the weight of silence in the room gets a little too much to bear.

“just… some friends talking about it the other day.”

“friends.”

“yeah… fine, classmates.”

“are you… thinking about it?”

at miyano’s surprised expression, sasaki backtracks immediately.

“forget i asked.”

“to be honest, i don’t know what to feel about it.”

“it’s okay, we don’t have to do what you don’t want to do.”

it’s so painfully awkward yet endearing at the same time.

“do you think about it, senpai? about us… doing those things?”

sasaki’s lack of an answer is extremely telling. the shade of red coloring his cheeks is probably bright enough to rival miyano’s own face.

“does it matter? i am happy with doing whatever myaa-chan wants to do.” sasaki finally says, but his eyes have shied away from miyano’s gaze, and something within miyano snaps.

“of course it matters. it’s you, sasaki-senpai. i want you to be happy too. i want to do things that you want to do too.”

something akin to hope blooms across sasaki’s eyes (surprisingly moist).

“thank you, myaa-chan. that thought alone makes me happy enough. let’s leave it here for now and let things progress as they naturally would, how about that? we don’t need to rush into anything. i’m really happy with where we are now.”

he knows that sasaki has caught on to his sexual orientation, no doubt. it’s been a year since he became of age, and yet the BL manga he still buys have never ventured into the explicit genre. briefly, he wonders if sasaki actually keeps his own stash of porn somewhere below his bed, like normal boys would do.

they aren’t in high school anymore. it’s been years, and yet until this point, the thought of doing something more than kissing and cuddling has never crossed miyano’s mind. he wants to cry at how respectful his boyfriend has been all this while.

“myaa-chan? myaa-chan? oh no, yoshikazu, don’t cry. i’m sorry if i said something wrong-”

oh fuck.

miyano has always been uncomfortable with displays of affection and attention, preferring to bask in the comforting arms of his daydreams and fantasies, but his love for sasaki burns greater and he will do anything he can to ensure that sasaki receives equal, if not more, affection and care than the amount his boyfriend showers him in.

scene ends with sasaki hugging miyano tightly, reassuring him and planting a kiss at the side of miyano’s temple. but it does nothing to seep away the frustration gnawing at his bones.

END

[marypsue]

Stranger Things for the meme? I might not be the first to send this one in

Actually, you were the only one to send this one in! Thank you!

the first character i ever fell in love with: Probably unsurprisingly to anyone who knows me, it was Nancy.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: I'm going to go to the writers' room and I am going to tie them all to their chairs and duct tape their eyelids open and roll in one of those nineties school A/V carts with the VHS player and the old cathode-ray tube TV on it, and I am going to plug it in at the front of the room, and I am going to force every single one of the writers to watch every excruciating minute of Runaway Bride (1999) from start to bitter end. And then I am going to untie them, and very sweetly tell them all that what they have just seen is quite possibly the most perfect exemplar I know of how not to write a romance. And then I am going to decidedly less sweetly tell them that if they do not rectify season 3's characterisation choices, I will be back.

With another movie.

A worse movie.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: See immediately above!

my ultimate favorite character™: I would die for Joyce Byers and do the dishes. Also, give me an extended-Labyrinth-reference plotline for El complete with cathartic 'you have no power over me' moment or give me - uh, cancellation, I guess.

prettiest character: Was it a total copout for the hair and makeup department to say that the reason they gave Joyce Long Loose Shining Attractive TV Show Star Curls(TM) in s3 was 'because she couldn't be bothered to cut it because she had Let Herself Go With Grief'? Absolutely. Am I complaining? Absolutely not.

my most hated character: I've written Murray completely out of the kids aren't alright-verse because he just annoys me so. much.

my OTP: Again, it's actually an OT3 - I believe I may have become the de facto captain of the good dinghy Joyce/Bob/Hopper. Yeah, I went and actually got invested in this pool noodle. There's more fic coming. I am a parody of myself.

my NOTP: Oooh, I don't want to say it out loud on this website in case that summons its worst-behaved fans like speaking the name of Beetlejuice three times. Let's just say that I'm not interested in seeing it, but I also don't care enough to get into arguments about it, and leave it at that.

favorite episode: Can I pick just one? Do I have to pick just one?

saddest death: I will never be over Bob. Ever.

favorite season: s1 had the most Human moments, the best emphasis on connection, and the most guttingly, movingly tragic ending (imo), but s2 had Bob and Kali and Max, and justice for Barb, and El getting to live and a chance to be a kid. Decisions, decisions.

least favorite season: I love the colours and the fashion of s3, but it sounds like almost every character moment that I loved from that season was something that the actors came up with and had to fight the writers and showrunners tooth and nail for. I may need a more torturous movie to double feature with Runaway Bride. Suggestions, anyone?

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: I do not care about Alexei. What tiny shreds of personality the show gave him are all identical to how they wrote ten-year-old Erica and it's bad. He's a cardboard cutout of a character and I don't give a shit that he's dead.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: I will fight Jim Hopper with my own two tiny fists for s2 and s3, but also...*glances back over shoulder at the string of tragic fictional father figures and terrible fictional men unexpectedly asked to step up when forced into a parental role for a small girl who I have obsessed over in the past* I am who I am and I cannot change that.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: I'm going to rescue Bob in everything I write where it's possible for me to do that, because he's wonderful and I love him. The end.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: This really isn't a reaction that I have to shipping!

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: most combinations of the teens and many combinations of the kids tbh. This show is a collection of dolls and action figures, and I am Erica Sinclair mushing their faces together to make them kiss.

[miraculouscontent]

The "Adrien COVID" story is a story posted a few days ago by a saltfic writer who dislikes Adrien. The premise was that the Mayor/elites of Paris want to reopen schools, Ladybug objects because it's not safe to have school before COVID is addressed, and then Adrien sides with the rich people because... well, it's a salt fic, so Adrien is a rich privileged jerk who doesn't care if everyone else dies of COVD as long as he can go to school and thus get out of the house and away from his father.

I mean, I already wasn’t interested based on just the “title” since fiction that brings in real-world issues so bluntly like that doesn’t interest me. Not saying that people can’t (it might even be how they cope so yeah) but it’s not my thing.

So Adrien’s basically the villain then (don’t actually answer this question; the less I know about the AU, the better)? I mean, once a character goes into “being okay with people potentially dying” (hi, Chloe) and stuff like that, I feel like they upgrade past “antagonist.”

And people can do that if they want. I’m fully aware about all the salt fics that come about with characters turning outright violent/being arrested/so on and so forth. It’s not for me but maybe that’s how they cope and honestly it’s ultimately my fault for looking at it in the first place (so long as it’s properly tagged; if it’s not then it’s the author’s fault when people come after them). I know people say that fics like that “give salt fics a bad name,” but honestly, if any person is going to look at salt fics like that and start generalizing and just say that “salt is bad” (y’know, while being super salty about it), then quite frankly I think they’re being overly dramatic and unfair to the people who write legitimately good salt fics.

I think what happens is that people don’t like to blacklist or wait too long to do so, which ends with them constantly exposing themselves to content they don’t like and getting more and more sour about it. They blacklist at that point of course, but it’s too late because they’ve already got this negative perception that’s been heightened due to how long they’ve been exposed to it.

Me? I don’t play those games. I see stuff and I roll my eyes (at most) before blacklisting (sometimes the user, sometimes the tag, it depends on the situation). It’s a waste of my time to get angry about people who do such things when, most of the time, they’re just flat-out wrong/misinformed and nothing I say is going to get through their delusions. That’s why you guys only see me talk about fandom stuff when people bring it up to me directly; I literally don’t know about such things existing outside of what I’ve seen briefly.

Another thing people don’t seem to fully understand is that salt fics aren’t always meant to be totally in-character from the author’s perspective. Sometimes it’s an escalation fic (which is like an in-character fic but exaggerated for various reasons), sometimes it’s just a call-out, and sometimes it’s slightly/mostly out-of-character because someone just had a really good idea and wanted to bring it to life (or they’re just really angry; could be that too).

Yes, it’s all salt, but the idea behind it is typically not, “I have this super-realistic and totally legitimate idea where everyone is in-character and justice is served--” No. The idea behind it is catharsis.

It’s why not all fics stay within the realms of canon: because the show is the established canon, achieving the catharsis that the author intends sometimes means pendulum swinging in the other direction and then going further with it. Just doing the exact opposite of canon isn’t always enough because canon is on a “higher plane of existence,” so to speak, and thus requires more than a call-out for some people.

And the author isn’t always doing it just for them; they’re also doing it for other people who can’t put their frustration in the words and are looking for ways to cope. Fix-it fics aren’t always enough because all it’s doing is the opposite of what canon did. Fanon is not on the same level as canon, so it’s not balanced. That’s why there aren’t always redemptions in salt fics; that’s not the point of the fic itself (and it sometimes negates the feeling of justice by going on after the satisfaction has already been served; authors can do it but it can come off as damage control when they’ve already taken things “too far”).

I’ve said this before, but just because I have a couple of salt AUs that got popular doesn’t mean I always give Adrien a bad role or “go so far” in every single AU that I do (and it could be the same for anyone else). In the literal hundreds (yes, I counted) of ideas I have, I have taken the cat miraculous from Adrien thrice (technically four, but he gave it up himself in that one), and that’s including LadyBugOut and Leave for Mendeleiev. It’s literally less than 1% of all my ideas in which I’ve taken the cat from him.

I have AUs with no salt aimed towards him whatsoever. In fact, I have one that takes place post-canon (yes, canon), where he and Marinette are best friends. He still has the cat miraculous, he’s in a loving and healthy relationship with Kagami (because, contrary to popular belief, people who like Luka can also like Kagami, though people who don’t like Kagami/Adrimi as much as Luka/Lukanette can have reasons for it that make perfect sense and anyone who thinks they can’t is stupid and wrong), and he’s the intentional driving force for getting Marinette together with Luka because he cares about Marinette’s happiness.

If I wanted to, I could do an AU where Adrien was outright the villain, or make him the villain in LadyBugOut by having him choose to work with Gabriel after losing the cat miraculous.

But I don’t. Why? Because changing Adrien’s character or twisting things around to make him out to be a villain is where I draw the line in salt. It doesn’t matter how interesting the ideas I had were because, for me, it’s going too far. It’s the ultimate level of salt to villainize a character because I don’t like how they’re portrayed and I’m not going to do it.

[sleeplessandstubborn]

Emily in Paris or why I stopped caring for the main character and started rooting for the French. Episode 2.

I must confess one thing. I have a sort of admiration for people who have the habit and the will of go running before work, because I don’t do these things, and people who can do it while wearing what seems like a lace top (?) maybe more adequate for other things, but who am I to judge if Emily looks perfectly fine when running while I look like a bag with sport wear. So congratulations Miss Cooper you are doing well in this aspect. Also shows that Emily is adapting her schedules and her habits to her new life. Example: she’s not going to arrive early to work this time. Lesson learnt, so good for her!

Unfortunately there are still things she must get right. Example given, knowing exactly where her apartment is. She again tries to invade her cute neighbour’s home, which causes him to ask if she wants to live in his apartment. At this stage, there are reasons to suspect indeed. But there’s no time enough for our two character to devour each other with their eyes, so, after a last invitation to bang anytime from our delicious neighbour Emily goes back home to get a shower and dress for work.

Her white boots, however, have an unfortunate encounter with a material of animal origin. She’s naturally disgusted and deals with it making another Instagram post. Discovering, by the way, that she’s gaining more and more followers for ther photos of fictional! Paris.

Sidenote: this scene can mean two things from yours truly’s point of view. Either Emily’s next days are going to be shitty or she’s going to be ultimately lucky. In France or Spain is very common to wish good luck with the word merde (or well, mierda in Spanish). In both cases it comes from the times people went to theatre or opera house in carriages drawn with horses. So a load of shit meant: you are in the greatest show in town. But probably is not that deep.

At Savoir, la Plouc is decaying as Emily’s sobriquet, and only Julien greets her with it. Besides, Emily has learn to strike back. Or rather is her smartphone the one she uses to retort Va te faire foutre! Which mean Fuck you but it’s not that imaginative. Why not mange tes morts, or some decent French swearing. Anyway well done, Emily, because this makes her earn Julien’s respect.

... But evidently not Sylvie’s. She is clearly contemplating the void and wondering if some kind of karmic justice has sent her this girl that can’t figure out why is la plouc instead of le plouc or won’t pronounce the name of the fragance De L’Heure from Lavaux. Sylvie doesn’t want to listen her ideas for promoting Lavaux’s last product. A little discussion insues between the two ladies. Must luxury remain an enclosed world? Should it be democratized in some way? Of course Emily thinks the point of view of an outsider could help, but, could you point at the outsider in this scene? Of course Emily is not French and still dealing with the continuous cultural clash. But she doesn’t seem an outsider by any means. And, ah. There’s a launch party for De L’Heure so she better hurry up and put some thing that doesn’t resemble whatever she’s wearing.

Was that fashion advice from Sylvie? Who knows. In any case, Emily looks quite pretty with her black dress. The handbag is funny but highly debatable. And she’s overjoyed and bubbly as she pursues trays full of delicious food. Which is a faux pas, from Sylvie’s point of view.

Enter Antoine Lambert from Maison Lavaux a.k.a. another Frenchman who is going to be attracted towards Emily’s many charms. Because that’s what Frenchmen do in this series. She fails to understand what a nose means in the world of fragances - it’s not that harsh to figure out, sometimes I wonder why they have written her like that; she’s suffering a severe case of cultural clash, but it doesn’t mean she’s stupid, argh -. Antoine is creeptractive. Especially in the next scene.

Which takes place in this terrace with the gorgeous view of a glittering Eiffel Tower. This makes Emily smile and would do everyone else who had the opportunity to assist. This makes up for Sylvie saying that she’s talking too much about bussiness during the party, which is something she should not do.

Monsieur le Creeptractive follows her and tests the fragance on her skin. A really weird dialogue about how she should have a French boyfriend because you learn French in bed... Yeah, sure.  Emily profess her fidelity to her engaged to be engaged Doug back in Chicago. Something that he doesn’t deserve but more on that immediately after. He smells her in a way that would make many women shudder and run away and compliments (?) her on smelling like expensive sex. Yikes yikes yikes.

All in all, is a successful night for Emily, but as she discovers the next day, she’s supposed to work not in the promotion of De l’Heure, but in some product  called Vaga-Jeune to help woment to combat vaginal dryness. Is that a mean move by Sylvie, or it’s only a logical thing for Emily to start there, given she has experience in pharmaceuticals? Discuss. She also tells our heroine not to be too flirty with Antoine, who is married to one of her very good friends. But immediately after Julien drops the bomb: Sylvie is actually Antoine’s mistress. Oops.

In order to deal with the amount of unwanted information, Emily texts to Mindy and they go for a dinner. Mindy gives her a few tips to survive in the complicate environment of a city where everyone is having affairs with everyone. As if in Paris - like everywhere else - didn’t exist people who doesn’t care about sex. In this universe, Emily still can’t wrap her head around the endemic lack of conyugal fidelity in this series.

We learn more about Mindy, who maybe would deserve more than being only Asian token character which is supportive of the main one just because. Indeed Mindy is for now my favourite character here, along with Sylvie. Mindy turns out to be in Paris because her millionaire zipper king father wanted her in the bussiness school, but, since living in Paris was one of her dreams, Mindy dropped it and became a nanny instead. Now she’s been cut off by dad, but she’s free and, besides, she finds funny to have grown up surrounded by nannies and now being one of them.

The temptation of MIndy taking over Emily in this series is too big when just in the next scene she thinks she can “educate the chef a little bit about customer service” without even tasting her steak, which she wants done more. Customer are not always right; some of them behave like annoying assholes. She swallows her words as Gabriel from downstairs emerges from the kitchen because of course he’s the chef. Somewhat that convinces her she should taste the steak before giving her opinion. It turns out the steak is wonderful, it was wonderful the whole time. Emily please. Try to behave.

(also Mindy wouldn’t mind to taste the chef instead of the steak, which is understandable)

Next day Emily is happily roaming around the market with a little hat perched on her head and the mind full of Chicago Boyfriend Doug. The little hat is so stupid that it’s almost charming, like someone more fit for a musical than for real people walking on real streets. She seems to have befriended the woman from the boulangerie, too! However, the happiness is to be shortlived...

... Because Doug, as his first scene already indicated, is someone who can’t bother to take his ass into a plane and fly to Paris where there is nothing to do while expecting for his girlfriend to come back from job. This guy must have one, but he’s so lazy that one wonders if he inherited it. Notice that, unlike in Paris, there are cars in Chicago. Doug proceeds then to inelegantly dump his girlfriend by phone.

Very fitting to have Emily standing just next to the Panthéon when the call is over and their relationship as dead as the people inside.

Emily is logically sad after this and the weather seems to agree with her mood, probably she cried to her sleep, or at least she shed some tears. He doesn’t deserve it, honey.

Her mood doesn’t improve when, at the office, she discovers a new thing. Yes, you have grammatical gender in French, as well as in other European languages. She is puzzled because, starting her campaign for Vaga-Jeune, she discovers vagine is a masculine word in French. She doesn’t understand it, and, in typical Emily fashion, she decides the problem is with this language she knows virtually nothing about.

She also learns a very important word for her future life in Paris: grève, which means strike. And it’s not going only a vagina strike. But who knows, she lives in a parallel universe so maybe there are no strikes there (since there is no public transport and/or services on sight even if we know it exist somewhere). And of course, post something on her Instagram account about how vaginas are not masculine.

During her (daily, one guess) conversation with Mindy during the lunch break, Emily loses at last this overoptimistic side of her that makes the character annoying and vents a little about her general exasperation. She thinks she’ll never learn the language (but girl, you barely tried, don’t be so harsh with yourself), or be simply tolerated by her workmates, or even understand how the city was built. She’ll be all right, Mindy insists, not very impressed at her friend’s disperation.

Which follows is one of the most cringeworthy deus-ex-machina I have seen, and adequately being a deus-ex-machina it comes from l’Élysée. Wink wink, mythology aficionados.

By the way, it’s that the façade which gives to the main courtyard of the French presidential palace? Yes it is. Here I am wondering where this footage came from and when it was filmed because I am that way. Seems the flag is at half mast from that point of view so... this could help to know in which moment was filmed... But screw that, you aren’t here for my personal obsessions, so lets go right to the point.

Somewhat Carla Bruni finds Emily’s post about vaginas utterly fascinating, to the extent that she has to share it with Brigitte Macron. And of course the current French First Lady (even if officially there is not such title in France) agrees and posts it in her Twitter account. We only see Fictional!Brigitte from her back. Real Brigitte doesn’t have accounts on social networks, by the way, which is understandable since after a while one gets tired of playing the game of guessing if the one who made the mysoginist and idiotic post is from the extreme right or the extreme left (it’s a difficult thing to tell apart, I assure you). Of course Emily’s post gets viral.

Brigitte Macron just retweeted you, bitch! is not bad as unexpected sentence on a screenplay in 2020, congratulations. Her partners at Savoir are overjoyed and suddenly Emily can share a table with them, yay! Though evolving from la plouc to our Vaga-Jeune is not really improving that much I guess? So that’s the end of the episode and Emily’s life seems not-so-that-depressing all of a sudden. So thank you Brigitte.

And that was Episode 2 of Emily in Paris. Our heroine was slightly less annoying than on first one, probably because the reality of being in a totally different country is starting to hit her and she’s had a few humblings by this moment. For the next one, we’ll know more about Monsieur le Creeptractive & the nonsense of fragance advertisements.

[msbluebell]

Happy Birthday Dimitri

Dimitri is an important character to me.

I didn’t expect him to be. Not to me, personally. When I went into the game, I expected that he wouldn’t be my favorite. I figured he’d be the tragic fallen hero, but I didn’t think he’d hit so many buttons for me.

People like fallen heroes, and I do too, but they’re not usually my favorite characters. When I picked up this game on my way home from a trip, I looked at the cover and thought, “Claude is going to be my favorite.”

But somehow, someway, this boy hit home for me.

Maybe it’s because we get to see him before he fell apart.

Well, alright, this isn’t accurate. He was never all that put together when we meet him in game. He already had a darkness in him, and he already experienced tragedy that would lead to his downfall later. We met this boy, and I didn’t think too much of him. He was the most polite, and sweet, and those were my thoughts. My first playthrough was of Black Eagles house. Now, you all know I nearly didn’t pick the game up again I disliked Black Eagles so much. But Dimitri wasn’t why. When I killed Dimitri in the game all I thought was, “What a shame. I’m sorry guy. You seemed nice enough. I’d spare you if I could.” I’m not going to lie, I felt like his anger in CF was justified even before I cared about him. But I didn’t expect the sheer depts I would come to care for him when I was playing that first route. I obviously played church route next, since for the most part I had half got through the playthrough. And in that one I wanted to help him, but couldn’t and I thought again, “Ah, what a shame. Can’t save you here either.” Except this time we got a little more. The ghost scene got to me. It showed me his guilt, and that’s when I started paying more attention to Dimitri. I had intended to save Golden Deer route for last, but after CF and SS, I thought I deserved self care, and went with Claude. Though this time I was a little regretful I’d leave Dimitri behind. Because I understood what tragedy befalls him when you don’t choose him. Because I know that this sweet boy becomes so angry, and so regretful, and I wished there was a way to save him. Claude was a great character, and I adored him, and I adored Golden Deer. It was the break I needed after CF and SS. I loved them, and I loved their themes, and I loved their energy. I was convinced that they would be my forever favorites. My only real regret was that Dimitri died again. By this time it seemed almost horrific what was going on with Dimitri, and he somehow seemed worse off in this route than the other two. He was crazy, downright insane, and somehow lost an eye. And it was a shame. Something had obviously happened to him to drive him even further over the wall, but I didn’t feel too bad, because while it was tragic what happened to him, there wasn’t anything I could do. So I decide to finish up the game, and I’m not over invested. I like it, but I don’t think it’s going to be my fandom. It’s fun, I enjoyed it. That’s it. I’ll just finish it off and move on. Then I played Blue Lions. Dimitri had no right to do this to me. He had no right to come in and hit all my personal buttons, and make me care so much. I went into Blue Lions already caring a bit about Dimitri, but I didn’t expect him to claw at my heart the way he did. There’s a tragedy to Dimitri that spoke to me more than Claude, or Edelgard, or Rhea. It was more personal, it was more rough, it attacked a raw nerve in me I thought was healed but I suppose never did quite go away. Some people have asked me why I don’t like Edelgard, considering she’s an abuse survivor and I, also, am an abuse survivor. I think, with people who ask me this, they’re looking more at what caused the need to cope rather than the coping itself. Edelgard and I have suffered more similar abuses than Dimitri and myself, though I wouldn’t say my abuse and hers are the same at all. Still, for me, I think it’s the way we deal with the aftermath of our trauma that speaks to me more than the trauma itself. I didn’t like Edelgard, because even before the twist that she was the invading force in the game, I found her abrasive, dismissive, and unintentionally cruel where she was trying to be empathetic.  I just don’t like people who are sharp, I suppose. I never have.  I think that’s ultimately why I warmed up to Dimitri so quickly. He was kind. He is kind. He is so kind, and empathetic, that I adored him right away. I warmed up to him even more quickly than Claude, who I went in wanting and expecting to  be my favorite. He’s kind, and trying to be kind. But it doesn’t always work. I’ve got something called Hyper Empathy Syndrome. It’s a think, and it’s not really federally recognized, but my therapist says it’s a good way to describe what my issues are. I empathize too much. And you wouldn’t think that was a bad thing, but it is. It causes me untold anxiety, and I hyper empathize with people to the point where it’s almost hard to get mad at them, and I keep not wanting to let them down, and I feel guilty if I say no to them and it upsets them even a little. And, overall, it’s a huge hindrance on my life. I think Dimitri may be the same. Or maybe I’m projecting on him because I see so much of myself in him. Looking at Dimitri, and the way he developed. It was like looking to a mirror at some points and getting a glimpse into the shitty person I used to be.  Now, I’m not going to pretend I went through even half the bad shit Dimitri did. His sufferings just kept piling on and on and on over the course of the game, to the point I wondered how this boy was even alive. I wasn’t at all surprised at how bad off he was in Azure Moon, but sad. Oh, he was shitty. He was terribly shitty. But I got it. Because I’ve been there. I was younger than Dimitri was when I was shitty, so I’ve got that “middle school preteen hormone changes” excuse, but I was shittty. I wasn’t as bad as he was; I’ve never murdered someone, or nearly tortured a man, or obsessed  over a death, but I was just as unpleasant to be around. I was shit, because I wasn’t dealing with myself well. I had bad coping, and I felt alone, and used, and I couldn’t stop being angry no matter how hard I tried. My head kept telling me it was my fault, and everyone around me didn’t know how to deal with me, and they kept trying to drag me out of my comfort zone. And I lashed out against everyone around me, even though I knew it wasn’t their fault, and that only made me feel more guilty and alone and like I needed to be alone. And it was all only made worse by the Hyper Empathy.  It was a cycle of self hate and misery that I put myself through, and I saw that in Dimitri. And it hit home a little harder than I could have ever predicted.  I was rooting for Dimitri because I already loved him. I love him. He means a lot to me, and as I would come to find out her personifies everything that I believe about humanity; that no matter how bad we get we can still come back. Dimitri is someone that suffered, fell from grace, brainwashed himself into suffering more, all while suffering from a mental illness, and was still able to come back with some help and a whole lot of work and self reflection.  Dimitri is someone that was surrounded by loved ones who wanted to help him but mostly didn’t know how to, people who supported him, but it wasn’t enough. He had to pull himself out, with support. and it wasn’t easy. Hell, it wasn’t easy to support him either. There was a point where he got so low I legitimately thought there would be no going back for him. I almost gave up. But I didn’t want to, and I didn’t, and it’s because despite it all I still loved who he was and wanted him to get better. And he did. And I guess that gave me hope. I guess it made me hopeful that if he could get better from all that, then maybe it wasn’t impossible for other bad people to get better. It made me happy. It made me appreciate him. It made me thankful. Dimitri gave me hope that people could be better than they were, and I’ll forever be thankful for that. It’s actually not all that often a character affects me this much. And maybe it seems dumb to others that a fictional character could affect my life so much, but then again, no one has a right to judge me for where I find hope. Dimitri isn’t just a character I liked, he’s a character that gave me hope. He’s a character that came back from that bad place. He’s a character that basically looked at me and said, “You can come back from this.” And I’m trying so hard to be better.  Dimitri and I have a lot of the same issue. The guilt, the self hate, the blame, other things. And he still has people that love him, people that don’t give up on him. And, yeah, them being there isn’t always helpful, heck, in some case it makes his issues worse. But they’re there for when he comes back, and they help him, and that gives me more hope too. But nothing gives me more hope than the fact that he came back. And when he came back, he worked to be better. And he forgave. And I feel like that makes him so much stronger than me. Because I don’t think I could have forgave to the same level that he had. I couldn’t look the woman I thought ruined my life in the eye and forgive her. I don’t think I could face a man who did ruin my life in the eye after he told me he’d do it again in the name of justice. I couldn’t forgive to Dimitri’s level. He’s come a long way, Dimitri, and I am so proud of him. Happy Birthday Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, thank you for showing me I can be better.