#but u know i guess not everyone has a brain that works that's so sad rip

[cowardlycowboys]

I'm gonna have to start turning off reblogs on every post and that's gonna ruin the coward nation economy

[chelseeebe]

promise.

eddie knows about covering bruises and pretending to be fine all too well. but can he save the one woman he thinks he’s ever loved?

a/n: ok i’ve been a bit shit the last few weeks and this is genuinely the only thing i could conjure up but forewarning, it is sad and it does mention some pretty heavy topics that i know aren’t for everyone so i completely understand if u don’t want to read! my adhd riddled brain has already started a part two which does have a happy ending

title based on promise - ben howard i just thought it was a really lovely song and fits well with part two

read part two here.

18+. mdni! mentions of domestic violence, not explicitly described but the injuries are there and it is referred to multiple times throughout (eddie is not the perpetrator). smut. v much hurt/no comfort but not for long.

⋆˙⟡♡⟡⋆˙

eddie is positively wrecked.

who would have ever guessed working in a shoddy, run-down bar would be so fucking tiring?

graham had said that if he picked up a few shifts at the hideout a week, then corroded coffin could play once a month. a guaranteed slot and he got paid? this was like heaven to him.

he just hadn’t expected the little bar to be so exhausting. he supposes that his lack of work experience and the fact he was used to doing sweet fuck all most of the time was to blame. that’s not his fault. not really. after finally graduating high school a year or so ago, he just hadn’t found any work in the tiny town.

on one particularly boring mid-week shift, eddie’s sat behind the bar doodling on the back of an old receipt, tapping his foot along to the kiss tune playing on the stereo. wouldn’t be his first choice but he’s not complaining.

‘you coming for a smoke?’ you exclaim suddenly, causing his head to jolt up, running the biro over his shitty drawing, ruining it completely.

‘uh.. then who would be on the bar?’ he utters, quickly hiding the doodle before you could judge it. not that he thinks you would, but just in case.

‘eddie, it’s dead,’ you say flatly, looking around at the empty tables.

truth be told, he hadn’t seen another soul bar from you and graham since he’d arrived which was odd for a thursday. assuming that the usual bums that lined the dusty old stools were otherwise engaged today. that or they just hadn’t been paid yet.

‘oh.. yeah, okay,’ he nods, hopping down from the stool and grabbing his jacket. you’re already gone, bounding off down the hall to the fire exit you all used for smoke breaks.

eddie’s still fairly new and very rarely got invited on the group breaks. which was fine, he just wished that you’d all take it in turns so that he could smoke too. he gets it though, like he talks enough but yet not enough to really make friends with any of you.

you’re leaning back against the brick wall, cigarette hanging from your lips, ‘you got a lighter?’

it’s not like he’d been staring or thought about it that much, but he’d noticed how breathtakingly beautiful you were on his second shift. okay, maybe that’s a lie. he’d thought about it a lot. but anyway, he’d been utterly in awe at the way you handled the drunks, brushed off their creepy comments and stood your ground no matter how angry or persistent they were being. he admired that and just wished that he had even a smidgen of the confidence you had.

he fumbles in his pocket for the lighter, clumsily handing it over before getting his own pack out. it feels wrong to look you in the eye, god that sounded pathetic. you were older, far cooler than he was and positively stunning. if he remembers correctly, you must’ve been a couple grades above him at school but had left long before he graduated.

‘thanks,’ passing the lighter back to him, fingers ever so slightly brushing against his. it’s like electricity sparks through his veins.

he really needs to get a grip.

‘you enjoyin’ it here?’ you ask, eyes intimidating as they bore into his.

‘it’s okay.. tiring though,’ he shrugs, trying his hardest to maintain eye contact despite his inability to look pretty girls in the eye.

‘yeah.. you’ll get used to it,’ you chuckle, the smoke flowing out of your lips perfectly. he’s so pathetically down bad for you and you have literally no idea.

‘how long have you worked here?’ longing to keep the conversation flowing.

‘shit.. too long,’ chuckling as you take another drag. eddie could listen to that sound all day. ‘i think i was eighteen when i started so..’ pretending to count on your fingers, ‘six years?’

eddie blows the air out of cheeks, he’s probably be in a similar position if he’d have just graduated when he was supposed to so he can’t exactly pass judgement.

‘i think we went to school together, i mean, you were a couple grades above me but i remember you,’ hoping that that didn’t sound as creepy out loud like it did in his head.

‘oh shit, really?’ your eyes narrow, trying to place him though it’s obviously not going to happen, ‘i don’t remember you.. i’m so sorry,’ playfully hitting his arm.

the connection is enough to keep his delusions going for at least another month.

‘it’s fine, didn’t think you would,’ not many people did to be honest. he tosses his cigarette into the overflowing makeshift ashtray, waiting for you to lead the way back inside.

‘hey, it was a long time ago, i’m old now!’ you joke, walking back through the dim hall back to the bar. he tries his hardest not to let his gaze slip to you ass but he swears it’s only for a second.

the bar’s still dead, the stereo now blaring out some madonna tune he hated.

‘ugh.. turn this one off,’ he mutters, mostly to himself as he repositions himself back on his perch.

‘what?’

‘i hate this song.’

your jaw drops in faux-offence, ‘i made this mixtape you asshole,’ going to shove him off of the stool, ‘i can’t believe you can’t drop the cool guy act for one second to appreciate some madonna,’ laughing as you start collecting glasses.

his frown turns into an immediate grin, begging for your forgiveness as he starts to bop his head along to the beat. it’s not like anyone would see him and hell, even if they did, he didn’t care. not if it made you smile.

-

‘holy fuck, you been fightin’ with the door again?’ james remarks, pulling eddie’s eyes from his paper to spot you rushing into the bar.

your head is ducked, flashing the older man your middle finger, disappearing into the back before eddie can properly get a glimpse of your face.

but he knows.

there’d been a handful of times that you’d come in wearing a massive sweater instead of your usual low-cut tops and when you reached for something high up, the sleeve would reveal just enough for him to see the dark blue marks on your wrist.

he’d never been sure, not until now. but his stomach drops the second his brain puts two and two together.

ditching the paper and that asshole james behind the bar to slink off into the back, approaching the tiny staff room with the upmost caution. it’d never be wise to start throwing accusations around but he’s not stupid. eddie had watching his mom go through the exact same shit for years. knew all the tricks in the book to cover up bruises, cried his heart out every time his mom went back to his asshole dad.

only god knows how many times he’d planned out his fathers death. anger brimming in his tiny body the second he heard raised voices.

he knocks gently on the door, watching as you hurriedly wipe the makeup onto your eye. it’s not doing much, in fact, it’s not doing anything at all. the purple shining through undeniably.

‘you okay?’ practically whispering as he enters the room, knocking the door shut behind him. james’ comment had meant that this obviously wasn’t the first time you’d come into work with such horrid markings.

you sigh, giving up on attempting to cover it, slamming the metallic compact back into your locker. ‘i’m okay.. i’m fine,’ refusing to turn and face him.

you’re obviously not okay and it hurts eddie to know that there’s absolutely nothing he can do to help. instead, he takes a seat on the communal bench, if nothing else, he’d lend his ear for whatever story you wanted to tell him.

‘what happened?’ he dares to ask, not expecting to know the truth but it felt better than silence.

you sniff, closing your locker and finally facing him head on. there’s pain and guilt wracked all over your face, ‘i’m just.. clumsy,’ shoulders slumping, ‘i tripped..’

‘clumsy?’

you were anything but. eddie had watched you balance trays full of glasses without spilling a single drop. maybe other people bought your story but he didn’t. he couldn’t.

there’s a short silence and eddie shuffles, patting the empty space beside him, ‘you don’t have to lie to me.’ he swallows his anger, lets it rest in his stomach for a later date. there’s no doubt that if he got the opportunity, he’d kill the asshole that did this to you.

you swallow, reluctantly perching on the bench, ‘why are you even asking when you already know?’ not quite meeting his eyes, staring off somewhere into the distance.

‘i don’t know.. didn’t wanna pressure you..’ he’s familiar with the whole routine. the denial from his mother had broken his heart at such a young age even though he wasn’t stupid.

you blink, meeting his eyes for the first time, ‘he didn’t mean to.. was my fault,’ wiping the back of your hand against your sodden cheeks.

even hearing the words makes him inexplicably frustrated. not with you of course, but with the fact that you can’t see how much you don’t deserve that.

‘i don’t think you could do anything to deserve that,’ motioning towards your blackened eye. he’s not going to push it but he needs you to know that he’s here and would quite happily wrap his hands around that bastards neck.

‘you know.. my dad used to hit my mom,’ swallowing the large lump that had gathered in his throat, but finds enough strength to continue, ‘she was the nicest lady in the world.. she didn’t deserve that and neither do you,’ licking his suddenly parched lips. it wasn’t an easy topic then and it certainly isn’t now.

he’s not particularly ever open about what happened to his mom but if it convinced you even a tiny bit to leave him, it’d be worth it.

there’s a beat, followed by a muffled sniff but you’re nodding, staring down at the grimy tiles rather than his face. eddie reckons that he’d be overstepping his mark if he did what he wanted and leant over to hug you. so he doesn’t. putting a sympathetic hand on your shoulder instead.

‘you’re an angel, you know that?’ the hints of a smile creeping onto your lips.

‘yeah i know,’ he scoffs, bashing his shoulder into yours, only gently.

‘shut up,’ knocking him straight back.

you get up from the bench, puffing your cheeks out as you take one last look into the mirror.

it’s a gut-wrenching, awful sight and god forbid eddie has to ever see you like that again.

-

perhaps rather naively, eddie assumes everything is fine for the next few weeks.

understandably, you’re a bit subdued for a few days but you do revert back to your usual bubbly self come friday evening. no more bruises, no more groaning when you change the keg and absolutely zero mention of your wretched boyfriend.

so when he pulls into his gravel driveway one gloomy saturday night, he’s aghast to see you perched on his trailer steps. blinking through his headlights, soaked through from the rain with a busted lip and a torn shirt to match.

he near enough launches himself from his van, rushing over to your hunched over frame. damn near falling over his feet to get to you.

‘what the hell happened?’

you stand, clinging onto your poorly packed rucksack, ‘i.. i didn’t know where else to go,’ utterly defeated, any traces of life drained from your face.

he doesn’t say another word, bundling you into the trailer, slamming the lights on to get a proper look of you. his hands firmly on your drenched shoulders as he examines your injuries. your lip is cracked, the blood had wept from the cut and dried on your chin.

it’s awful. knocks him sick just to see you like this. your cheeks are stained with a mixture of rain and he presumes tears, hair hanging limp around your beautiful face.

‘what happened?’ he says softly, studying your face. he notices the small gash on your forehead, using everything within himself not to storm out of that door in a murderous rage.

your mouth opens but no words come out. it’s not as if he can’t put two and two together, he just doesn’t understand how it got to this point after last week.

‘it’s okay.. c’mon let’s get you out of these clothes,’ he blinks, collecting himself before taking your sopping wet bag. the clothes had all suffered in the downpour, damp and unwearable.

so he leads you into his cramped room, hastily rummaging through his drawers for something you can wear.

it’s a little self-indulgent and completely the wrong time but his heart flutters when you reappear out of the bathroom sporting his tee and a pair of old gym shorts. now showered and without the blood stains on your face, it’s a welcome sight.

‘better?’ he offers, though he knows a shower could never really help.

you nod, pulling the sleeves down over your hands. it’s so adorable and eddie seriously has to fight his compulsion to just pull you into his arms. he knows there’s no way he can protect you from everything but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to try.

‘you want a drink? beer?’

your eyes light up, a minuscule smirk appearing on your battered lips. he’s sure wayne would understand why he came home to a non-existent six pack. the berating would be worth it to see you smile again.

he collapses onto the couch next to you, beer in hand as he watches you slowly relax. delighted that he could offer a safe space for you, even if it did come with some very complicated feelings.

that night, admittedly very creepily, he watches as you sleep. terrified to fall asleep in his makeshift bed on the floor in case you needed him.

-

at some point in the last two weeks, eddie had gone from sleeping on the floor to sleeping in his bed next to you. you’d told him it was far too cold for him on the floor and he should just get in. which he did, with great pleasure. there was nothing to it of course, but a few times he’d woken up to your leg entangled with his or your face pressed against his back.

everything had just got a whole lot more comfortable. rides to work, cooking for one another and some shared looks that he’d been unable to put his finger on. not wanting to believe they had any deeper meaning but at the same time, he knew that that wasn’t how friends looked at each other.

it’s a rare night you both have off, sat in the trailer watching halloween, neither of you really interested in what’s going on on the screen. there’s an inexplicable tension in the air tonight, you’re quieter than usual which eddie doesn’t like.

‘you okay?’ he dares to ask. he’d felt a little overbearing those first few days, constantly checking on you to make sure you were okay.

‘hmm? oh, i’m okay,’ setting your bottle of beer on the table, ending up much closer to him when you sit back.

‘you sure? you’re quiet,’ keen not to let on that he was absolutely buzzing about your close proximity.

‘just thinking.’

‘about?’

you let out a soft breath, twisting around to look at him fully. the only times he’d been this close to you were in bed where he laid and listened to your soft snores and when you’d been covered in injuries. neither one were exceptionally great circumstances.

‘you,’ you blink up at him, smiling just enough to make his heart skip a beat.

‘me?’ he can’t decipher whether that’s a good thing or not.

‘mhm.’

‘what about me?’

you don’t respond for what feels like an eternity but your gaze lowers, glancing at his lips and back to his eyes. if he weren’t staring directly into your bright eyes, he’d have missed it.

‘i really want to kiss you,’ you say, so brazenly that eddie’s not quite sure if he’s heard you correctly, almost sputtering on his breath as the words process.

‘you.. you wanna kiss me?’ trying hard not to sound so astounded. pretty girls didn’t want to kiss eddie, not like this.

you nod, ‘can i?’

there are stars in his eyes, blood pumping around his limbs at an alarming rate. his head is fuzzy and if he weren’t sitting, he’d probably have fainted.

‘please,’ he chokes, desperately forcing the word out before it becomes impossible.

your palms are soft as they caress his cheek, wishing that he’d shaved before this had unfolded. his heartbeat stutters, bubbling with anticipation as you lean in, gentle lips locking onto his as his eyes flutter shut.

this is it. he’d dreamt of kissing you for weeks, practiced on his hand an embarrassing amount of times and yet still nothing could’ve prepared him for how earth shattering this felt. his heart is practically jumping out of his chest and he’s sure you can feel it thumping against yours.

it’s as if fate had bought the two of you together, moving against each other in perfect harmony. if he died tomorrow, he’d die a happy man.

your hand creeps down onto his chest, holding yourself upright as you shift onto your knees. do you want to have sex with him? is this actually happening? his fingertips vibrate as they connect with your waist, like you weren’t even real and just a figment of his overactive imagination.

the second your lips part from his, he wants to cry, pull you back in and never let go. the absence of contact makes him whine, opening his eyes to see yours gazing back, they look different. different to how you’ve ever looked at him before, full of something unspeakable.

‘do you want to?’ you ask quietly into the minimal space between you.

eddie wants to so bad, more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life. nodding hurriedly to let you know just how eager he is. there’s not a chance in hell he’d let this opportunity slip through his fingers.

your lips twitch into a smile at his permission, fingers curling around the hem of his shirt.

but before you get any further, the trailer door clicks open and wayne is stood in the doorway, pizza box in hand accompanying his unimpressed scowl. ‘okay well, i think that’s enough of that,’ he grumbles, shuffling into the trailer as you climb off eddie’s lap, back into your own spot.

‘sorry wayne.. i didn’t know you were back so early,’ his cheeks burning, bashful as ever. it wasn’t enough for wayne to walk in on that but he was always now straining against his jeans, trying desperately to hide the tent while you reshuffle, pulling your shorts back down to a more appropriate length.

‘yeah yeah whatever,’ his uncle shakes his head, trundling over to the couch and tossing the box onto the cluttered coffee table, ‘move over boy, i wanna watch my programme,’ collapsing into the empty seat beside his nephew with a deep, guttural sigh.

the two of you share a sly smirk, tuning in to whatever shit wayne had put on without saying another word. stifling your laughter with a piece of pizza as eddie tries and fails to discretely pull a pillow onto his lap.

it’s hours later when you both crawl into bed and eddie has checked five times that wayne’s actually asleep before he gets to kiss you again.

bundled up under the covers when you pull him on top of you, your face gloriously basked in the bright moonlight shining in. it’s breathtaking.

‘you want to?’ you ask again, as if his answer had changed in those few hours.

he nods, his curls brushing fall down and brush against your cheek, ‘have you.. before?’ you ask cautiously. he’s not offended, even if he should be.

he has had sex before. only twice. when ellen had first joined hellfire, they had sorta had a year long fling which had ended after they had sex and ellen realised that maybe she didn’t actually like men. that was a super boost to his confidence. and then at senior prom when tina took great pity on him and somehow they ended up having sex in the back of his van.

he nods anyway, granted he’s not the most experienced but he’ll sure as hell try.

‘good,’ you smile, warm thighs wrapping around his torso as you reconnect your lips. it’s soft, gentle even. world’s apart from his previous encounters. this felt real, like you weren’t just kissing because you had to but because you wanted to.

it’s too cold in the trailer to care about removing your clothes, though he’s sure that’ll change in a minute. focussing on getting his tongue inside of your mouth, rutting against your pajama shorts. the friction causing his already semi-hard dick to rise, unable to contain the moan from escaping.

a smirk flashes across his face as his hand drags your shorts down your legs, savouring every moment of being able to touch your bare, supple skin. his hand makes its way back up your legs, repositioning the one he could grasp back around his lower back.

he has trouble getting his boxers down, too excited to focus on being smooth about it. appreciating the feel of your hand tugging the fabric down. you’re barely kissing at this point, your lips connecting with the corner of his mouth, all messy as the anticipation takes over.

‘you sure?’ he asks, gazing down at you with hooded eyes. he could just about remember what to do. sending a quick prayer upstairs to not let him be utterly useless.

‘i’m sure,’ you breathe, the feel of your fingers tangled into the hair that covered the back of his neck.

‘okay..’ he nods, mostly to himself as he wraps a head around his cock, positioning himself at your entrance. taking a brief moment to just capture this moment in preparation of it never happening again.

the pleasure overcomes his body as he slides in, already almost losing himself as he fills you up. a soft moan escapes your lips, gripping onto his neck. he is acutely aware that his uncle is asleep on the other side of the old trailer so he muffles his face into your neck, lips connecting with your jaw bone, kissing any and every bit of skin exposed to him.

sex had never felt like this before. at best, it had felt slightly better than when he jerked off, but this was something else. eddie knows it’s cliche and is definitely only because you feel so fucking good around him, but it’s as if you were made for each other.

hands pressed into the pillow so hard that he wouldn’t be surprised if there were a permanent dent either side of your head. using everything within himself not to start hollering, eyes fluttering shut against your neck. he moves in and out at an agonisingly slow pace. the small room filling with the sounds of your soaking wet cunt. its undeniable to anyone with ears and he just hopes to god that wayne is still asleep.

his own low groans vibrating against your cheek, mouth hanging open as his thrusts grow faster. you’re panting softly directly into his ear, spurring him on. despite the feel of your perfect cunt around him, the best feeling is knowing that he’s making you feel good.

‘h-holy shit,’ he mumbles nonsensically into the crook of your neck, not allowing himself to come for air because he know that the second he looks at your face, he’ll cum.

your one hand is splayed out on his upper back, the other holding onto his sweaty neck beneath his mop of hair. whining his name into his ear, driving him into a frenzy with the sound of your breathy voice, desire rippling through your moans. he should tell you to be quiet but that’d be cruel and he’d rather take the shame of wayne knowing than not hearing you.

your legs shift higher the position allowing him to reach the golden spot, nudging the soft, spongy spot over and over. eddie figures you’re far more experienced than he is. with no offence meant to you but you obviously know what works. this is new territory for him, a closeness that he’d never known possible.

you’re engulfing him completely, every single one of his senses encompassed by you. you’re all he can see even with his eyes screwed shut, all he can hear, taste and smell. god knows you’re all he can feel, calves squeezing around his back and your perfect pussy tightening around him.

he groans, feeling his stomach begin to twist in that all too familiar feeling. orgasms had never felt so good, it’s like everything was dialled up to level ten. ‘i’m gonna.. shit- i’m gonna come,’ he babbles far too loudly.

every noise tumbling out of your mouth was pulling him closer, no record could ever come close to the sweet mewls that were slipping between your lips. his arms begin to tremble under his own weight. feeling your legs quivering around his waist as your orgasm begins to overtake your body, sinful noises echoing around the otherwise quiet trailer.

‘ohh fuck,’ he growls, feeling your walls clenching around him, it was like he’d been pushed over the edge. the only way he can begin to describe it was otherworldly, flashes of white light illuminate his eyelids.

images of your face accompany your honeyed whimpers and he has to pull out before he explodes. spurts of his release cover his hand and admittedly the back of your thigh. if he had any semblance of control, he’d have been embarrassed but he’s not exactly sure that he’s still on planet earth.

he dares to open his eyes, watching as your chest heaves below him clinging onto his forearm with desperate fingertips. you’re looking up at him as if he’s the only person you’d ever seen. mouth slack as you regain your breath.

‘jesus christ,’ he whispers, hand resting on your angled knee as he floats back down to your planet.

eddie clambers off of the bed with a grunt, wiping a hand over his sweaty face. reaching down to grab his previously discarded towel. it wasn’t the epitome of romance but he darent to leave his room, petrified that wayne had just heard that entire encounter.

he’s a gentleman, of course, running the towel over your thigh to clean his mess. offering you a tiny shrug as if to say sorry. rather suddenly he feels rather conscious of himself, refusing to look at you as his cheeks flame.

it’s ridiculous. he’d just been buried between your legs and yet now couldn’t even look you in the fucking eyes.

before he gets up again, your hand reaches out, curling around his t-shirt. ‘stop,’ using his shirt as leverage for you to sit up.

in one quick movement, you’re placing a tiny onto his lips. a reassurance he really shouldn’t have needed but he appreciates nonetheless.

‘don’t do that,’ you hush, millimetres from his face, the shadow of his broken blinds shine upon your cheek. it hurts him to know that someone would dare look at you and want to hurt you.

if it were possible, he’d take all of your pain and carry it with him instead.

‘okay..’ he nods, resisting the urge to apologise once again.

you giggle and it sounds like the heavens have opened, pulling his body on top of yours as his bed makes an almighty squeak. if wayne wasn’t already awake, he certainly would be now.

-

eddie doesn’t know where the fuck you are.

you hadn’t come back to the trailer after work last night and now you’re nowhere to be found. you were supposed to start half an hour ago but hadn’t turned up and now his heart is pounding, mind racing at the horrific possibilities of what could’ve happened.

at first, he’d thought maybe he said something wrong? he’d just thrown out the suggestion of going to get the rest of your things and moving them in here while you got back on your feet. he hadn’t meant to push you out, god no, that was the last thing he wanted.

maybe stupidly he had presumed you wanted your own space. whatever the hell was going on between you two was so fresh, he didn’t want to even chance fucking it up.

the guilt wracks his brain, tempted to drop everything to drive around this tiny town looking for you. he’s so stupid. should’ve just kept his mouth shut and enjoyed it while you were there.

he’s just about to tell james that he’s leaving when the door to the bar opens and a rough looking man comes through with you held tightly underneath his arm. your eyes avoiding his direction, staring at the floor as the mystery man ushers you towards the back, making himself comfortable at the bar.

eddie’s heart shatters into a million pieces, watching open mouthed as you disappear into the back.

judging by the look on james’ face, he recognises him, reluctantly pouring his beer as they engage in useless small talk.

‘thought i’d better sit in for her shift.. wouldn’t want her running off again,’ the man announces, beady eyes glaring right into his soul.

eddie knows who he is. he’d never seen him before but he could tell. they all had that sinister aura about them, like they could flip at any given moment. his dad was the same, walking on egg shells around him just in case he said the wrong thing or looked at him the wrong way.

you emerge from the staff room, still vehemently avoiding eye contact, a shell of the you he saw just yesterday. ‘hey.. you okay?’ eddie asks, but it falls flat as you walk off without so much as a look back towards him.

he can’t believe it, how you could be so different so quickly. as if the past few weeks you’d spent together had meant nothing. he can’t blame you. not really. it’s a cycle and he knows better than anyone that it takes a thousand attempts to actually break out of it.

his shoulders slump as he rushes out the back, refusing to look at that assholes face any longer. willing himself to get a grip and not jump over that bar to strangle the piece of shit right now.

a hand clamps down on his shoulder and for a brief moment he thinks he might be you until james clears his throat, shuffling on his feet behind him, ‘you can’t save her man,’ squeezing his shoulder firmly, ‘you think we haven’t tried?’

eddie sniffs, shrugging him off. he didn’t appreciate the patronising tone in which james was speaking to him.

because god knows, if he couldn’t save his mom, there’s no fucking chance he’s not saving you.

[sadstrever]

cw: 116lbs

gw: 106lbs

hw: 150lbs

hi. so my last account got banned so i realize now i should be a little more careful of what i say cuz i guess i concerned some of you. or this will just be my last post because i need to vent.

wanna hear how i started my day? i chew and spit my food into plastic bottles(i know i’m disgusting no one should ever do this) and i was opening it and it exploded fucking everywhere and the smell was putrid and it was all over me and my bedroom. and i was hungover. and it was 7am. and i threw up immediately after. anyways, i haven’t e@ten in weeks. lol. almost a month, which isn’t the longest i’ve gone so don’t worry this is not that bad lol. ALSO NO I WILL NOT BE GIVING TIPS. ever since my brother moved away it’s been pretty easy to st@rve. the hard part now is knowing where to draw the line. my best friend has broken down a lot recently because of me. i’m an awful person lol. i let them get too close and now they know too much about the disgusting things i do. i needed space because seeing him just makes me feel guilty for putting him through this with me. i tried to end the friendship 2 nights ago over a bottle of v0dka. it did not work out very well. i said some really hurtful things to him that i didn’t mean in an effort to push him away. once the alc wore off i made him a cake to apologize which now that i say it out loud, it does not feel like much of an apology at all. he somehow easily forgave me which makes me feel even shittier. he said it was because he knows im sick. i don’t know what i’m doing. the derealization has gotten worse. i tried going half sober which didn’t help. i’ve developed a laxative problem too which also doesn’t help. it’s not as bad as others though, i was just taking 3 a day for a minute(a few months)but that’s so fucking bad for you and it really made my stomach problems worse. i took 3 today for the first time after not taking them for weeks and there was really no reason. just a desperate attempt to make myself feel better. when that didn’t help, i tried to smoke but i got too high because i only smoke every other day now which lowered my tolerance. when THAT didn’t work i went to the gym and burned 460 calories and then THAT didnt work so i walked around and burned 240 more. none of it made me feel less empty. i’m so sick of it. why is it all so fucked. nothing feels right. i want to try and recover but i don’t remember the person i was before all of this. my brain just fucking can’t figure it out. i don’t feel like a real person man. i want to recover and not because i’m giving up. starving is the easiest part of my life. it’s all that seems to make me feel a little better. eating always makes me so depressed and in a worse way. it makes me aware of reality in a way that fucking kills me. i need to do it if i want to feel human, if i want to be a good friend, daughter, sister. i’m gonna wait until i’m underweight which is once i’m 109lbs. 7lbs away lol. it’ll probably take a week or two so i guess i’ll update on how i’m trying to recover. fuck i really don’t want to man. pls give me tips because i can’t die and just be a sad fucking story to everyone i love. or just fucking report me like u guys did last time, not having any safe place with people who relate will totally help too!!!

[erumai-maadu]

YOU KNOW WHAT I just read your post about the Kohona 12 hc and one thing I gotta mention: TEAM 10 AND TEAM 8 BEING BUDDIES YES PLZ THIS IS SO IMPORTANTE!!! Not just bc of their senses dating (which is also a factor) but-- Team 10 is an intel-gathering team, Team 8 is tracking and capturing, CAN YOU IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES????

These two teams would have been the BEASTS of the spy network. Ibiki is desperately trying to convince everyone to join the Anbu squad. The biggest hurdle is Hinata being a Hyuga (her eyes can get stolen) and Shikamaru (he's just lazy).

Ino makes sure everyone looks polished. They're gonna learn what you had for breakfast 12 years ago, hunt you down and drag you back (dead or alive), looking like models whilst doing it ✨

(i'm so normal about this, I totally don't think about them all the time)

YOUR BRAIN >>>>>>>>>

every day Ibiki goes to Asuma and Kurenai and is like “please make ur kids join ANBU in the future pls i’m begging u” and their kids r all like haha no thanks. hinata is like “maybe” for one second and her uncle is immediately like NOT THE BYAKUGAN. ibiki is so sad. he just wants some good spies. he’s trying his best.

anyway some random side thoughts i have about them.

In the part 1 anime filler Shikamaru does call on Shino and Neji for tracking a lot. I guess because Hinata’s a girl and they can’t let her do anything ever :/ truly bizarre. there’s literally a filler episode where Hinata goes “I can see paper bombs all over the village!” and everyone immediately turns to Neji and doesn’t do anything until Neji confirms it. i hate this show.

doyalist sexism aside, Shikamaru heavily relies on Shino and the Byakugan’s sensory abilities to formulate his plans and so I think he very quickly grows used to having team 8 with him when Tsunade lets him form a squad. It helps that they spend a lot of time together (thank you senseis dating) and I’m sure that aside from his own squad, they’re the ones he relies on most.

Choji and Kiba are probably the front line fighters, with Shino and Ino backing them up and Shikamaru at mid-range advising/strategizing. Hinata probably pulls double duty as their long-range sensor and a close range fighter/flanker when things get hairy.

everyone on both teams gets along well but it’s a struggle to get Kiba and Choji to get along at first. Kiba is a bit of an asshole (understatement) and Choji isn’t a huge fan of how aggressive Kiba is. Kiba, for some fucking reason, just canonically doesn’t like Choji when they’re younger. I’m sure there were a lot of fights and a lot of insults thrown around before Shikamaru and Ino got them to sit down and shut up.

Ino tries her best to keep the squad polished but it doesn’t work so well when they’re younger lmao. When they’re older tho…. most fabulous and on point squad out there. your other faves could never.

kiba the leather jacket wearing hottie, ino ‘every outfit i wear has been on point since age 12’ yamanaka, choji who is canonically referred to as the most handsome chubby guy in the leaf (insane statement but still), shikamaru who somehow serves while wearing the standard chunin uniform, shino’s mysteriousness inherently makes him hot, and hinata with her silky hyuuga hair and flawless skin

their formations are tight, their teamwork is seamless, their communication is solid, and they look good while doing it all. ibiki is in a corner crying. he wants them to come work for him so bad.

[jeffthekillerzblog]

HII what’s your creepypasta au like =3?

What’s Jeff’s relationship to the other pastas does he get along?

I Know it’s a one sided anon that clockwork sees Jeff and brother figure so that’s very cool

Also is your Jeff evil or silly

hi tulip ily

OKAY so hehhehehe jeffs whole character in my au is super like....conflicting I guess he has tons of depth to him and one of the only creeps whose character I have fully fleshed out LOLL

a lot of the creeps mildly tolerate him, his closets and tbh prob only actual friends are nina and ben. ben and jeff were each others true actual friends. in my auu jeff wanders slender's forest after the incident occurs, and ben finds him roaming snd they hang out for the day. it's jeffs first interaction ever since he ran away and bens first interaction with anyone besides sally and toby. so ya they hit it off and are besties. nina and jeffs relationship was super rocky at the beginning, but after 2 years of their conflict rising and resolving their able to become better friends and later best friends. Nina and Jeff kinda just understand each other, both getting bullied for just being themselves and existing. both nina and ben understand jeff and how his brain works and like...idk out of everyone just know how he really just is a sad and miserable guy.. they understand how tough he's had it and are able to put up with his breakdowns or like ermm melt downs or whatever u know. the difference between ben and nina tho is that ben isn't afraid of jeff. he's seen him at his most vulnerable state that whenever jeff breaks down all ben can see us that sad 15 year old when he first met him, he just feels bad for Jeff and understands him n stuff. Nina isn't too afraid of him but she definitely knows Jeff's scary and he could possibly hurt her again.

with all the other creeps id say they tolerate him enough. People like clockwork, jane, toby, ej etc know he's an asshole and lowkey freaky LOL but they don't really see him the way nina and ben does, and only see him as his narcissistic asshole personality. ESPECIALLY Jane she hates him so bad. But for jeff's character arc I'm thinkin the other creeps will def come around and understand him on a better level.

ANDDD LASTLY jeff is kinda...idk id say in between evil and silly since he CAN be evil. He can be an asshole towards everyone and shut them all out for no reason, but he can also be silly and have fun with them and stuff. but honestly he's mostly just really...really sad... he's miserable he feels lonely even with ben and nina bc idk he just thinks about the life he could've had if none of this had ever happened. he feels terrible about everything and KNOWS he's an asshole, he knows people are scared of him and he pretends that he likes being scary, that he likes doing the stuff he does but really he just sees himself as a monster, and doesn't think he can be anything other than that. He's just given up tbh, wallowing in self pity.

JEFFS CHARACTER MAKES ME SOOO RUIGGHHBB I could literally ramble about him forever. I love him sooo so much guyss....sighh...

but YEAHH ty for the ask tulip WOOHOO :3

[aettuddae]

i think this my first time being late to an update omg…🕷️ anon washed

starting off with business matter first…would it be crazy if i said this was my fav update 😭😭 i loved chapter 92 specifically because it forces serim & rina to both face their feelings (& doubts), intimacy could only go so long as a form of communication b4 they both were left unsatisfied (more so serim) its rlly sad even now karina cant fully accept her feelings using ning as an excuse to let their bond go (not rlly an excuse but how she self sabotage b4 anything could rlly happen) it was such a good chapter and i just like angst (obvs by now)

im rlly worred about ningning in all this tho…whether serim & rina end up together or she ends up with serim (with the knowledge that she will never feel how she feels for jimin) its a lose lose situation for her…unless im reading too much into it and shes not taking her time with serim seriously/just having fun

them saying goodbye to eo was amazingly beautiful i dont even know what to say…bittersweet i guess

KYUIN GIRLFAILURE WE LOVE U ALREADY 🫶🫶 also adding another delulu jimin into my bag thank u 💋 i think i say this about all the friendgroups in ur stories but I LOVE novaHIVI DYNAMIC ALREADY THEY FAMILY (havent stopped thinking about this group either like u cooked so bad here)

the difference between how anthology!kazuha and hole in one!kazuha act dhsbshsnsn

minjeong n milf 👍👍

i just wanna say i liked minkwan…i probably didnt say anything tho cause my peasized brain zeros in on yuri 😕

SUCH A WASTE ON CHITTAPHON NOOOOO U SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I LEAVE, THE GAY BOYS NEED LOVE TOO 😭😭 (its also interactive too so the min i figure out how that works im getting my mean gay boy x loser gay girl both being down bad serve idc)

simon says is amazing…we just love father dem jointz over here and we thank god everyday sm passes him around like a groupie in that building

also so many anons are flirting with u now that means u made it…dont forget me when ur famous

- 🕷️

it's literally the end of the deal, it's so important, makes total sense !! and all of the events and circumstances make it more hard for them to be delusional about what they feel, serim couldn't hold it anymore. glad you enjoyed it, even if it was some sad episodes.

yeah, with the new update i just posted 😀 ningning's situation changes a little, since she's actually capable of trying and prioritizing her mental sanity, although it's probably gonna hurt for her in any scenario, she's more aware and ready than the other two

kyuin is a cutie that has barely learnt how to exist in society, we need to protect her 😭 i have already accepted i'm never writing a normal boring jimin, i always have to make her borderline schizophrenic 😔 so happy to hear you like novahivi's dynamic, you always focus on the things that matter to me 😅 i always prioritize the main character's friend groups a lot and i find particularly fun writing novahivi interacting with each other

shut up finally a kazuha that's not attempting to murder anyone (YET) (jokey joke)

minjeong and milf 🫴🏼

OH NOW EVERYONE LIKES MINKWAN GET OUTTA HERE, Y'ALL ARE TOO LATE

this blog is a woman's world i swear, readers don't even support gay men 😔 i will support any idea you have to get the gays thriving and vibing

father demjointz 😭 literally, i owe him so much, has given me my fav kpop songs

i will never forget you, spidey, you're literally my everything

[loverofallthingssmart]

PLEASE UNLEASH your hadestown demons!!!!!

unleash my hadestown demons is right this is a BEAST thank you very much ive satisfied the brain worms by dumping all my thoughts under the cut

first off. the beauty of live theatre allows for so much nuance and beauty to demonstrated so i cant even begin to cover all the things that could make me insane its so wonderful i love live theatre everyone should watch at least one live theatre production i believe it will solve at least one problem they have

the tragedy of it all!! its a sad song but we sing it anyway, in hopes that we hope that orpheus doesn't turn. but he will. bc he loves eurydice so much so he went down to the underworld to save her.

guys. the repeated, cyclical nature of everything. its an old tale from way back when and its a sad song but they sing it anyway. the point of hadestown is the HOPE of it all wait theres an article (https://www.standard.co.uk/culture/theatre/anais-mitchell-hadestown-west-end-broadway-b1134613.html) regarding mitchell's thoughts on orpheus that make me insane im gonna paste a quote here:

"If Hadestown has a moral, she says, then it’s “you have to try, you have to have hope, not because success is a given – it’s not. Orpheus fails. We heroicise” – here she breaks off to apologise that jet lag has led to her making up words – “we heroicise Orpheus not because he succeeds but because he tries, and that endeavour alone is worthwhile. How to live, and not merely survive, is to believe things could change.” ARE U KIDDING ME OURGHH

which brings me to the topics of like. climate change and capitalism that the play discusses its so good. the fact that there's no spring or fall, only summers and winter because of persephone's absences, how "is it true" is just a song abt labor protests red carnations are a symbol of love and passion yes, but in germany theyre a symbol of the working class protest. its SO important hades has just created an industrial revolution, has built a wall, has workers work forever, "why we build the wall" is soooo incredible "hey little songbird" "chant" all the songs that take place IN hadestown itself are sooo gritty so despondent in a way its insane.

theres another article that discusses sm of it AND discusses like portrayals of persephone that i REALLY like. im gonna paste it here PLEASE read it it has so much good stuff from a classics person regarding it and OURGH too good

orpheus's "to the world we dream about" but then also "the one we live in now" like oh.okay. im NORMAL….

if u noted every single lalala in hadestown it would be 6 min long. the leitmotif oh i am so normal actually.

okay im not rlly a music person i call myself music adjacent bc my two closest friends r music ppl LMAOJDHJS but like. the first time u hear eurydice say "i do" i.e what you say to seal a marriage is after she tells orpheus she signed the papers. she does not say "i do" in the entireity of wedding song, where they talk abt their nuptials. she says "i do" in informing orpheus she cant come up with him. that she chose this life (or death i guess) of her own doing. isnt that vile….

in wedding song she goes "is he always like this" and hermes responds but then in "a gathering storm" she asks the same question to no response.. idk what's there but something is there.

hermes being the narrator thats involved in the play is SOOOO delicious for my brain, the way he switches between a character involved in orpheus and eurydice getting together, invested in their relationship to a all-knowing narrator who knows the end bc he sees this every time.

there's this sense that only orpheus and eurydice do not know they r in a repeated play. which heightens their love at first sight, the "i feel like i know u but ive just met you" OHHHHH my god.

the original nytw script having orpheus say "ur early. i missed u." directly paralleling hades and persephone but in a different context because OHHHHMYGOD and not even that but the fact that mitchell took it out bc she believed it engaged the brain when the moment should only directly engage the heart. so she had the lovers say each other's name. one last time. im soooo normal

also this is bc one time i was thinking abt hadestown and mitski's remember my name played so . just that song in the context of hadestown is SOOOO bc like. like. how eurydice couldn't rmbr herself when she became a worker but orpheus went down to save her and she remembered.

when he turns back and says.

"it's you" "it's me"

^ are you fucking kidding me. the sort of disbelief the happiness the love the incoming grief im inconsolable.

when orpheus turns back, eurydice says his name w so much joy SO MUCH JOY she is not upset at him. "what was there to complain of, except that she'd been loved?" <- quote from metamorphoses

like yes we wish orpheus doesnt turn around but at the end of the day, orpheus is still the trusting guy he was in the beginning. EURYDICE on the other hand KNOWS how cruel the world is and chooses to trust orpheus anyway. but. "it's a tragedy" and doubt creeps in. part of the tragedy lies in the fact that eurydice, "all ive ever known is to hold my own" eurydice runs after him w open arms, chooses to trust him, chooses to follow the trial, and he still turns around. BECAUSE he loves her ohhhmygod im so normal

obligatory mention to the fact that orpheus could never finish the song he was working on because it was a duet. like okay lol. im fine im normal hahahahaha are u fucking kidding me.

hades and orpheus are mirrors, there r two relationships in the musical obviously and it is clear theyre mirrors of each other even w/o the original script line but like.

hades gives orpheus the test that he himself goes through every spring. hades is the villain of the story yes but he is not evil. he gives orpheus the same trial, sees that if orpheus can judge him for losing faith in his wife through the course of their relationship, let's put his romantic nature to the test. let's see if he can feel the absence of his love and keep going. and he cant. bc orpheus has never had to learn how to fend for himself. so when u take away his support system, when u take anyone's support system, how is he, how r we supposed to succeed?

just. the song "how long" encapsulates hades and persephone's relationship SO WELL. "the girl means nothing to me." "i know. but she means EVERYTHING to him" the fact that this is the first time we persephone REFUSE a drink bc shes had enough oh were SOMBER somber the way the whole song just parallels itself and every verse GOD.

the love was there. the hope was there. its a sad song. its a love song.

every single time before they leave. every time they're on stage, eurydice is in front of orpheus. he trusts that she is before him and she never doubts that he is there. it is when their positions change, him in front and her behind that he bends. it is then that doubt comes in.

those r just the like the thoughst of the music and themes itself we can talk abt the ppl and the live play now:

so first. can we talk abt this we need to talk abt for reeve carney's last show the original orpheus his last show he didnt turn back. he and eurydice lived they passed the trial. sorry that makes me so insane bc like. imagine u play orpheus. doomed to a lifetime of looking back at ur lover and your final show, u finally get to stay. oh im very normal i just love the nuances of live theatre!!! what a send off!!!!

THEN we can talk abt how eva and solea play PERFECT eurydices, full of grit and used to the cruel nature of the world. and how lola tung i feel is a DECENT singer but shes not a eurydice shes so light and soft but idk. who am i to say.

also the soundtrack is just SO incredible so is the set design there's not a single ounce of stage space that is wasted like there are so many nuances like i cant even talk abt all that there is my FAVORITE musical for SOOO many reasons ough.

yeah i think that's it. this took me MULTIPLE hours and i feel drained abt talking abt all this. WOW i love hadestown not normal amounts. i can't die before i see this live its one of my goals i just need to see it live on broadway.

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

https://www.tumblr.com/mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa/726030837633712128/httpswwwtumblrcommysmorgasbordoffantabulosa7

Damn u lack reading comprehension don’t you. Listen honey, i’ll spell it out again very clearly so ur lil brain doesn’t miss it again this time. JUNGKOOK WILL PROBABLY SING TAE’s SONGS on his LIVE too but DON’T EXPECT HIM TO DO ALL THE SAME THINGS HE DID FOR JIMIN! That my dear is the point i am trying to make. Everyone knows he has sang all the members songs on his Lives. I am talking about how much more he did for Jimin than anyone else. He basically kept track of JM’s releases and sang the songs as they came out. And hun, I don’t know how terrible u are at math but Vibe was released in January and Jk sang it in on February 1st. The emphasis here isn’t that he sang the song, it is that, that was the very first things he could think of doing after his littel chitchat with Army! See what i’m saying? Kinda the same way he went Live not long after Angel pt 1 was released and sang the song too without anyone spamming his comments asking for it. Or kinda the same way he watched Jimin’s Suchwita on Live the same day it was aired.

Also, isn’t it kinda sad that Tae is Jk’s “boyfriend” according to y’all but he doesn’t even make an effort to do anything……i dunno different for Tae? Well it’s kinda too early to tell. I might be proven wrong. I guess we all wait and see what happens. But if Jk has the time to scroll on tiktok liking and commenting on random videos of pple and Jimin who debuted months ago, i think he should be able to squeeze in sometime to just….i dunno pop on Live even for 5 mins to play Tae’s songs but maybe that’s just me.

You can read my sort of respond to this lovely prose after the cut...

"Damn u lack reading comprehension don’t you."

Actually, I scored really well for reading comprehension in school… must be why I work in education.

"Listen honey…"

I'm no-one's honey and you don't have the privilege to call me that…

"…i’ll spell it out again…"

Oh no here we go another condescending diatribe…

"…very clearly so ur lil brain"

"According to to a dyslexia specialist I have an above average intelligence… must be why I tolerate nonsense like this…

"…doesn’t miss it again this time."

Ok I'll try…

"JUNGKOOK WILL PROBABLY SING TAE’s SONGS on his LIVE too but DON’T EXPECT HIM TO DO ALL THE SAME THINGS HE DID FOR JIMIN! That my dear is the point i am trying to make."

WOW… DeJa'Vu… Yep got it the first time…

"Everyone knows he has sang all the members songs on his Lives. I am talking about how much more he did for Jimin than anyone else. He basically kept track of JM’s releases and sang the songs as they came out. And hun, I don’t know how terrible u are at math..."

It's called MATHS because it's short for MATHEMATICS…. PLURAL, but yes please do carry on…

"...but Vibe was released in January and Jk sang it in on February 1st. The emphasis here isn’t that he sang the song, it is that, that was the very first things he could think of doing after his littel chitchat with Army! See what i’m saying?"

Yes… but you're still not convincing me… and JK has sung songs from other artists that were release the day before or month before… without being prompted to do so in the comments.

"Kinda the same way he went Live not long after Angel pt 1 was released and sang the song too without anyone spamming his comments asking for it. Or kinda the same way he watched Jimin’s Suchwita on Live the same day it was aired."

And he's watched stuff from other members on the same day, or shortly after they were released, sometimes performing them verbatim others not… but please continue with your selective amnesia…

"Also, isn’t it kinda sad that Tae is Jk’s “boyfriend” according to y’all but he doesn’t even make an effort to do anything…… i dunno different for Tae?"

So according to you (all), all the support Brian is getting, is only the occasional sing-song from JK of Brian's songs on a Live…

"Well it’s kinda too early to tell."

I guess we'll find out in less than 3 weeks time…

"I might be proven wrong."

Yes, you might…

"I guess we all wait and see what happens."

I already said that didn't I…

"But if Jk has the time to scroll on tiktok liking and commenting on random videos of pple and Jimin who debuted months ago, i think he should be able to squeeze in sometime to just….i dunno pop on Live even for 5 mins to play Tae’s songs but maybe that’s just me."

Great it's over… I'm sure you'll come back with more waffle in another equally scintillating ask…

[laurenkmyers]

okay i'm weirdly intrigued by this idea you mentioned about your ship pairings and i want to know about a few you mentioned in particular, vegaspete/kinnporsche, bellarke (girl u good?), fortpeat/prapaisky, firstkhao/raysand and if you wanna explain a few others feel free

HA! I really thought that post was just gonna float off into the tumblr ether never to be addressed again.

okay, so. i don't really know how to explain it in further detail other than to say that pete can go off and make out with porsche, or arm, or some rando and i'd be like, cool, go baby, you do you. but if vegaspete were even just a thought in vegas' head and he goes off and fucks someone else i am claws out, will fight you to the death motherfucker. anyone comes near vegas and i will literally poison them myself. it makes me jittery knowing he was such a slutty slut before pete. it's almost like i'm jealous on pete's behalf. but i guess it also doesn't help that i know probably half the men he fucked before he probably didn't even want to fuck. and that makes my head hurt. i know it's not rational. but it's where my brain goes sometimes.

and yet kinnporsche is the complete opposite. kinn is a slutty slut before porsche and i am all here for him slutting it up even when kp were getting their flirt on and trying to 'forget about their night together' i was all for him trying to rough up that little twink. but if kp is just at the looking but not touching stage and porsche goes off with someone else i'm gonna rip the other person to shreds. male? female? idgaf, i'll come for you.

bellarke. HA. am i good you ask? oh. i'm barely clinging onto my sanity. but bellarke was so much fun before it all went to shit. my bisexual queen clarke could fuck whoever she wanted (except finn because ew girl) and it did not bother me one bit. i shipped the fuck out of her and niylah, oooft. but the moment bellamy got with someone else i wanted to rip their throats out with my bare teeth. do not get me started on blecho.

fortpeat and firstkhao (i view these differently because they're real people and not characters so it's not necessarily about them being a couple, more who they are partnered with)

fortpeat. some BN and FP fans might have me destroyed for admitting this, but i would fucking murder to see peat and boss being paired up for at least one project. i think they'd work so fucking well together and their chemistry would be FIRE. but the thought of fort being paired with someone other than peat makes my tummy hurt. prapaisky might actually be my only exception actually. i don't like the thought of either of them being with anyone else.

firstkhao are the same. i've seen first paired with multiple people and i am OBSESSED with that boy. he has chemistry with literally everyone. he could flirt with a tree and i'd ship it. but the thought of khao and anyone other than first makes me sad. but their only friends characters have already started having the affect on me. i want to see sand being a slutty slut and making his sex money and making ray jealous. but the thought of ray and anyone not sand is making me antsy.

i dunno. it's a weird thing my brain does with ships/pairings. there are no rational thoughts behind it. my brain just decides one of you is okay to be a massive slut and one isn't allowed within ten feet of someone who isn't the person i want them to be with.

[lannisterdaddyissues]

Hello my lovely 🥰

So, game of thrones icemav au...? 😌👀

HELLO I APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING 84 YEARS TO ANSWER THIS ASK, I HAVE ISSUES 🧎‍♀️

anyway YES i have an idea for an icemav game of thrones au!! i actually am a little obsessed with it i won’t lie. got is such a fun universe to headcanon for because every family has their own thing and i love sorting people like harry potter and the sorting hat LOL (which at risk of getting sniped i’m sure we’ve all thought of an icemav harry potter au too haven’t we)

but. icemav game of thrones au. so what i have so far is that mav is the supposed(?) bastard son of duke mitchell, the disgraced ex-lord of winterfell who was beheaded for slaying the king several decades ago. what no one knows is that duke mitchell actually saved the king’s life but well justice isn’t really everybody’s strong suit in game of thrones so he gets executed for it instead because they all think he killed the king 😐 only viper, jester(?), the hand of the king (whoever that is. stinger maybe lol) and the small council happen to know this. viper is currently the lord commander of the kingsguard

so mav gets saddled with this shit reputation of being kin to a kingslayer (which idk maybe he’d be stripped of his titles and name and forced to live as a bastard for that) and he aspires to become a knight to clear his father’s name. i haven’t yet decided exactly what the thrones equivalent of topgun would be because the highest order of knights are the kingsguard… and there can only be seven of them and they all serve for life so that’s out. but so far what im going with is that the last king literally just died or idk maybe a kingsguard or two died because there’s a war going on, so now a tournament is being held to decide who will be the new kingsguard. because fuck it i make my own rules to make this universe work

enter everyone else from top gun who are all knights and want to become the kingsguard. they all clash and stuff, ice and mav Do Not Like Each Other, goose ends up dying for some reason or other (maybe the current political instability leaves the throne open for attack and he dies in the fallout) and mav is Guilty about it. everyone probably blames him for it too so his reputation is now Even Worse.

still, he ends up being accepted into the kingsguard along with ice and he serves faithfully for many years until The Paper Pulling Incident with bradley. haven’t yet decided how this would translate but because of this, maverick gets kicked out of the kingsguard and stripped of his knighthood for acting dishonorably. he then goes to serve in the night’s watch at the wall and ends up becoming the lord commander there until the events of top gun: maverick.

by the time tgm happens ice has been elected to king (i guess??? because kings can be elected, and Everyone Loves Iceman) and ice finds out about the night king or idk whatever the main conflict of the story would be in this au, so he publicly pardons mav and orders him back to king’s landing to serve as his lord commander. maverick ends up training an entirely new squadron of elite knights (the dagger squad) to combat The Main Conflict (including bradley who was knighted anyway).

and uh. here’s where it gets sad. i think most of tgm would translate over well for the most part, but the part that’s really making my brain rot is like. u know. the azor ahai prophecy. that says he was reincarnated or whatever. yeah im thinking ice ends up contracting greyscale at some point and he’s slowly dying of it (rip to a real one) and like then the night king and everything happens and. i’m thinking about mav having to kill ice to create lightbringer (he’s already dying anyway) and ice’s soul like blessing his sword and becoming a part of it and I’M NOT OKAY ALRIGHT THE GAME OF THRONES AU IS SO GOOD ACTUALLY

[seokmins]

So sending this on anon to not like completely dox myself lol but I’m from a country (not Korea) that has mandatory military service and like it’s really not as deep as 4rmy are making it seem like I guess I can’t fully speak on the experience in Korea but in my country celebs that are doing their service do like office jobs not going out to war idk maybe I’m biased but I just like don’t see what the big deal is lol, like yeah it sucks for fans that they can’t promote but it’s not like they fall off the face of the earth we still see male idols during their service occasionally

You're exactly correct, it really isn't that deep. From what I've gathered, a lot of armies speaking abt it have 0 idea how any of it works and a good majority have gotten so codependent upon the group that they don't know how to function and instead seem to be lashing out or smth. Really it's truly mind boggling to me! Like, I'm not invalidating anyone's sadness or even disappointment but for me, it's the being malicious to other groups and even the country/what is life going be like now kind of mentality that bugs me.

And you're right! No one really goes to combat from my understanding anyways and either Baekhyun or Shownu or both or someone else just did the public service kind of duties. And like some of that is for health reasons while others DO wanna do the whole physical training thing. To each their own! Like istg bts aren't going to be dropped on a deserted island for 2-3 years w/o any outside contact 😭 it'll just be quieter and slower for them which I think is actually gonna be really, really healthy for everyone involved.

And just imagine like being an office intern/worker and Namjoon walks in and says hi 😭 ALSO A PSA FOR INTERNATIONAL ARMIES TO JUICE AND OIL THEIR BRAINS AND NOT ROMANTICIZE ANY OF THAT PLS 😭 I beg of u. I'm actually gonna start being scared when army catch on to how tasty men are in their natural state 😩

[corpseaten]

bangle is such a sweet character! love having them (forgot if boy or girl?) on my island. i can also send you pics of my island when i log on later today, okay? yes, that was my id (if the user was MISAKI ILY!!! and a rinko pfp) so ill add u back on bandori and we can play together some time ^^ sanctuary is such a good song!!!! omg, such good taste .aiai's voice is so powerful, i love how high pitched her strong it is. her solo work is good as well, although i haven't listened to it in a while. speaking of enstars, im prob gonna start a the story & anime, but it'll take me a while since my attention span is so low currently, ah. i don't know reina but ill look her up in a bit. adonis from enstars, which is where i chose the name from, since my actual name is so unique everyone would know exactly who it was, haha. but i prefer it since im able to be more masculine & myself online than irl, but when we get closer i will tell you mine, too! being called clover is so nice, though, and yes it's okay to send long, chaotic messages, i love talking to you and i don't mind at all. i want to know how you think and what you care about. your name is so adorable as well, it rolls off the tongue very nicely. it also matches you; it has a shy, but elegant feel to it, as you do. i really enjoy that kind of personality.

you're such a baby, though, getting all flustered on me. i wonder what it'll look like when i really destroy you, huh? silly girl. thank you for replying to me. i have so many things i want to say, that my brain is a bit frazzled. i cant get it all out, but.... i wish i could... just... choke you... and watch your eyes water... would you cry for me? would you beg for me to stop? or beg for me to press harder? ill put you in your place... under me. i won't go that far anymore, though, since it's public and i only want you to see. - 🍀

I would love to see pictures of your island! I like how nice the villagers have become, I know a lot of people wish they kept being meaner but I just think it’s sweet. Ahh it was not . . I am guessing I just added some random person . . This is so sad. I like playing japanese server because I do not like to wait for updates . . Her vocal work is insane, I have never seen a seiyuu as good as her, her in firebird and rozen horizon is so ?!!! How does she do it? My attention span is also horrible. but if I am really into something I find I pay attention a lot easier! She is very pretty. I might just link her to you as I am the girl I pair her with. I think Adonis suits you well, it’s very pretty. The name I actually do go by online isn’t my real name, but I hate my real name, so I would rather change it to what I prefer . . Not in a gender affirming way in my case, I just do not connect with it. I love talking to you as well, I just find myself getting carried away. I can call you whatever you please, my dear. It makes me happy that you want to know that kind of stuff, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone be genuinely interested about me before, I want to know the same about you, I feel like I know a lot already. It does? You are really quite skilled in making me blush. If it rolls off the tongue, I hope I’ll be able to hear it from you. I guess that is how you’d descibe me! I hope I can always be someone you enjoy, if you ever stopped liking my personality, I would change it in an instant.

A baby? Are you degrading me? I am easily flustered, it does not take much, I’d like to say I’m not easy but . . I really am when I like someone. I hope you keep imagining it, what would it look like? You’ll just have to come here and find out. It’s okay my sweetness, we have more than enough time to organise your thoughts, together. Oh. You are getting very bold here. Oh my. Well. I am certainly not not inviting you to choke me, I’d let you choke me until I pass out, I want a really pretty necklace from you. As long as you do take care of me afterwards, If I died, I’ll haunt someone else forever, just to piss you off. I actually think that depends on my mood, I’d probably rut against you if I wanted more, but then struggle and kick if I wanted you to let go of me. How do you know the exact words to push my buttons? I widh you luck in taming me, I have claws too, maybe I wont let you ontop of me until you’re all bruised and scratched. I may have gone overboard for public . . if you don’t want to reply to some of this you don’t have to, I don’t wish to embarass you, or. give too much to other people.

[spicycowboyhole]

posting because the psychicatrist decided to get sick when im having a crisis?:

idk where to start tbh LLOOL but i think im NOT DOING WELL. like on the outside evertytthings fine like nothings changed at all but i think im going insane. i think ive just realized how i have like 0 emotional suppoport system and whenever someone says something genuinely nice about me it makes me feel emotional because like i had family visiting this past week and my mom and my cousins tarted talking about college and my mom was saying how i wasted money going to college. i said that i didnt feel like i wasted my money becasue i have a degree now and i could always go back and get my bachelors but she said "BUT WHAT ARE U DOING EITH IT" and it just pissed me off because i feel like shes negating my accomplishment.

what made me cry last night was when i was messaging this guy and he was telling me about how he had class in the morning and we started talking about college. i told him how i was thinking about going back to school in january and he said i should.

for some reason i feel like getting my degree in psych would be cringe or a waste of time/money because my friend told me everyone she knows who did thinks so, like its some useless art degree. but when i asked this guy if it was cringe he said "so cringe... imagine having ambitions" im fucking stupid and didnt notice the sarcasm and i said "might as well start playing bucket drums on the street ig" because idk i guess i imagine getting a degree in psych would be just as dumb as someone trying to make it in the music business by playing on the street or something. he said "everyone thats going to college has ambitions. So in that case we all need to go play street bongos" and that perspective completely exploded my brain and i started crying LMAO because i guess going to college is a risk no matter what and u just have to believe in urself or some gay shit. it made me think of a taz cameo where he told someone that "nobody is gonna support your journey no matter how much they love you until youve proved to them that your journey was worth supporting" and that made me sad kinda because like i said i dont think i really have any kind of support from family rn and i kinda just have myself but i have like 0 confidence and negative self esteem and my family just being dissapointed in me and saying negative stuff really doesnt help. so i guess the moral of the story is that i have to trust and believe in myself because no one else will! really sucks i think. yeah but i only just started talking to that guy like YESTERDAY and im sure he prob felt like what he told me was nothing but it really did impact me and pulled the last tiny string that was emotionally holding me together. i apologized for being cynical and i told him i appreciated his words because i was kinda responding in a joking way that might have come off as rude i think? the silly bandaid just isnt working so good no more.

but fr i think while my anxiety is a lot better i think my depression is getting worse just due to my circumstances. like can u believe i almost went to the movies with some stranger internet guy just because i didnt want to be with my family?? i think somethings making me more impulsive than usual. i was going to buy cigarettes today and the only reason i didnt was because my appointment got canceled.

some other things tho i kinda didnt like having my cousins come visit because i just feel so inferior to them. like they look better and are just doing kinda all the stuff i should be doing yk? makes me feel shitty AND i feel like my mom just kinda infantilizes me like my parents treat me like nemo and i just cant do some things for some reason. its just so frustrating like my parents make me upset and i just want to move far away from them but also like they dont encourage me to do stuff on my own and when i try theyre like how are you even gonna do that you cant do that you have a bad fin like HELLO HELP ME FIX MY FIN THEN? I WOULDNT HAVE A BAD FIN IF YOU DIDNT HELP PREVENT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL BUT IT JUST SUCKS THAT I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS BY MYSELF

i just dont want to be living here in like 5 years. thats a goal huh? if i had been asked where i wanted to be in 5 yrs when i was in high school id be like idk but i somehow managed to grow a goal somehow just out of misery i guess. and the steps are so cleaar in my head but then the voices tell me i cant do it because im scared BUT thats the point of life or something right??

jesus chhrososttt in reality nothing is really changing irl but im having some sort of crisis rn

ive even been trying to talk to boys LOL ive just been wanting some kind of escape from my life,, some independence, i want MY OWN LIFE that my mommy doesnt know everything about. i want to go to the movies with someone im not related to.

ok these paragraphes are all fucked up and i would fix it but i dont wanna go through and reread them

[angel-bubbles]

wip title ask game :3

tagged by the ever wonderful @zozo-01 <333 i have… many many many wips in my folder most of which got put on the back burner this summer (been working 50+hrs… not a lot of time for my brain to be creative :/ ) so here are a few that i have been chipping away at the most BUT fear not they will one day soon see the light of the sun hehe

rules: reveal the titles of the documents in your WIP folder and tag as many people as there are documents. let others ask questions about the ones that interest them, and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

anyways... the fics 4 u ^v^

bouncerdavidbouncerdavid - not a very creative doc name but you guessed it… bouncer david and bartender angel hehehehehe this is just pure self indulgent goodness what can i say. shaw security is a business that provides bouncers to local bars/restaurants and milo needs a cover one night and david is the only one who can… you’ll never guess who’s bartending… you’ll never guess who starts bouncing every friday night……… giggling

the hat rule (cowboy edition) - sammie and darlin’s chapter... i'll be honest this chapter has been giving me HELL but essentially it's just those two getting ready for a night out line dancing with david and angel >:) cutie moments ensue >:)  listen i know sam specifically said he doesn’t know how to line dance (erik we have beef for that) but in my small-town-line-dancing-every-sunday heart that man KNOWS 

sammie baby :( - secret fic secret fic secret fic… sam’s upbringing and his past really stick in my brain and i have soso many thoughts about Mont Blanc and how that has shaped him into the person that he is and this is the deepest of deep dives into sams past through darlin’s lens, how he discloses his experiences (or how he actively doesn’t). how he reacts to little things, the reassurances he tells them like he needed to hear them himself……. moral of the story it’s sad ajskdlf

honorable mention:

i need to hug milo… and marie - this is the newest fic that i’ve been dabbling in and there really isn’t a good structure or anything yet just a lot of ramblings about the effects of having a parent with addiction issues who doesn’t get better until you’re an adult and its complexities oh boy i could write a thesis on it every time milo brings up his dad i want to scream <3

i know i'm quite late to this trend so if you want to join in take this as an open tag <333 much love to everyone!

[winking]

😯😯😯😯

[1kook]

skirt chasers — drabble iv

THIS IS A SKIRT CHASERS DRABBLE - FIND THE OTHERS HERE ! SUMMARY Jungkook was a man. A skirt chaser. He could only withstand so much torture before he broke, and seeing your gorgeous, smooth legs on display after so many weeks of starvation awoke an ancient being inside of him. WARNINGS JK POV!!!, attempted solo masturbation, k*ssing, jk’s extensive knowledge of pornos, grinding, cunnilingus, face sitting, spit kink, light choking, praise kink, self nipple play, a love for boobies, unprotected sex, use of the pull out method, i love u kink, its kinda hinted tht oc has a somnophilia kink? not rlly but tagging just in case -_- RATING m (18+) WC 6.3k this can't even classified as a drabble anymore wtf 

NOTES i have had this in my drafts since may 3. it is december 21. everyone point n laugh. anyway i very much love stimbo sc jk and i think he’s very cool so here’s a whopping 6k of the inner mechanisms of his big nerdy, college hottie brain <3

He doesn’t notice you’ve drifted off until he’s three solid paragraphs into his semester-long research paper. “Babe, can you toss me my charger it’s over…” 

 Jungkook swears he’s gonna take every single one of those stupid skirts and burn them to ashes. They had done their duty well, had given him the girlfriend of his dreams, but now they were just pushing their luck. What was once the epitome of a cute and sweet girlfriend, has now become the bane of Jungkook’s existence. He loathed them, he hated them, he could go twenty million decades without ever seeing them again because the torture they inflicted upon him was borderline inhumane. 

 Holy fuck, he knew you were gorgeous— hello, he was your boyfriend, thinking you were gorgeous was very high on the list of requirements you searched for in someone of his position —but he’s absolutely positive that you’re probably the sexiest woman he’s ever seen in all his twenty-two years. And Jungkook’s seen a lot of porn. Like, a lot. 

He can’t help himself. Before Jungkook knows it, he’s rolling his desk chair over to where you’re sprawled across his bed, skin so soft where it presses against his pillow, lips so plush, and he’s pretty sure there’s a tiny, tiny droplet of drool begging to escape from between your puckered lips. Normally, he’d tease you to hell and back for this, knows how flustered you become when he catches you off guard, but today he lets it slide in favor of focusing on something else about your dozing form. 

It’s the soft curve of your hips from where you lay on your side, smooth legs tucked close to you, and that goddamn pleated skirt giving you absolutely no protection from the eyes of the world around you. Luckily, he made sure to lock the door to his room when you came over today. And he’s almost positive Taehyung isn’t home anyway. So there’s no potential roommate to see you here, cuddled against Jungkook’s teddy bear, blue lace panties tucked between your folds. 

They were his favorite. 

Adorable and soft, and he knows that particular style— the cheeky kind —is your preferred style, because it’s the one he sees almost every time the two of you fuck. Seamless, because you hate when they tug against your skin, and baby blue simply because it was your favorite color. He can’t recall the last time they had been so exposed like this. 

God, how many times had this same situation occurred? You dropping by to encourage him to do his homework, before eventually falling asleep and leaving him to his own devices. A lot of times, Jungkook guesses, because each and every time you wake up and nab one of his protein bars from the stash by his bed. Jungkook’s gone through four boxes in the last month. 

But how many times had this happened with you in a skirt? Never. This was a rarity. 

As the year progressed and yours and Jungkook’s relationship reached new levels of intimacy and adoration, Jungkook is sad to say the skirts had begun appearing less and less. It was winter and, unlike the furnace that was Jungkook’s body, he’s pretty sure you were a cold-blooded reptilian at this point, always leeching off of him for warmth. So since you couldn’t stand the cold, the skirts slowly faded into the background, replaced by Jungkook’s second favorite: the leggings. 

He was no complainer, Jungkook respected your decisions! He wasn’t going to pressure you into wearing those cute tiny skirts he loved so much just because it fueled some PornHub-esque fantasy in his brain, especially not as a harsh winter descended upon you and the days became colder. He would not risk a sick girlfriend in the name of a horndog daydream. 

But holy mother of pearl, Jungkook was a man. A skirt chaser. He could only withstand so much torture before he broke, and seeing your gorgeous, smooth legs on display after so many weeks of starvation awoke an ancient being inside of him. 

Sure he’d seen them every time you guys fucked— duh. But this was not the same. It was different, seeing the tender skin of your inner thigh when he knew you weren’t trying to, your skirt stuck between you and the bed as you shifted about. It was different, knowing he could so easily have you, just flip up the skirt and tug your underwear to the side, not having to worry about fighting your leggings or skinny jeans down your legs. It was different and it was good, so painstakingly good, to have you in the skirt, but the worst part was Jungkook couldn’t even do anything because you were fucking sleeping. 

He’d subconsciously pictured you like this for weeks, sprawled out on his sheets in the flimsiest clothing and ready for him to just slide right in, but Jungkook was a good boy—you’d told him as much just last week when he’d paid the bus fare for that ragtag group of teenagers, smiling up at him like he was your entire world. Was he sometimes a little too mean, a little too wild? Yes. But at his core, Jungkook lived for your praise. He couldn’t just stomp on that title you’d so lovingly bestowed upon him, a title he’d worked hard for since! 

Furthermore, even if Jungkook wasn’t a good boy, to touch you in your sleep just seemed wrong. You’d mentioned in passing once that you wouldn’t mind as long as it was him (“I’m yours,” you had purred at some party, hand crawling down his abdomen, “your doll, remember?”), but Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to when you were so vulnerable and just… not there. It wouldn’t feel right to use your body when you weren’t awake, and no amount of encouragement from you would change his mind. 

So he does what all good boys do and prepares himself for a quick, self-administered handfuck. 

Sue him, his girlfriend was hot!

It’d been a little over two weeks since the last time the two of you had fucked, and it was mostly his fault; clinicals and research papers had practically consumed what little free time he had in his schedule. And if Jungkook remembers correctly, he wouldn’t be that lucky this upcoming week either. Something tells him your period was approaching. 

Jungkook doesn’t know what type of sorcery you’ve done to him, but in the time you’ve been dating, it’s become increasingly more and more difficult to nut without you. Whether that be fucking you, listening to your voice, or just imagining your pretty face in his head, you held a monopoly over Jungkook’s libido, one that he feared you’d never let go. 

He had years stacked on years of browsing PornHub and Brazzers, can recall experiencing some of the craziest orgasms of his life while watching some girl get fucked. All things come to an end. Ever since he started dating you, not even his favorite video could make him hard anymore. Oh, how the great have fallen. 

But with your blue panties before him, his cock hardens by the minute, nearly doubles in size when you move about and sigh a heavenly sound. Frankly, he doesn’t feel bad jerking one off to the thought of you. You were his girlfriend! He knows that you know that you’re the main character of all his right-handed adventures, and you’re not going to be mad at him for jerking off to you now. In fact, Jungkook imagines you’d be mad if he’d woken you up just for some frenzied quickie. This way, he’s blowing off some steam and you’re getting an extra ten minutes of napping. Everyone wins. 

He’s barely tugged himself out of the confines of his sweats when a soft mumble of his name has his soul leaving his body. “Kook?” 

“Baby,” he exhales, immediately tucking himself back into his underwear before moving closer towards you. You roll onto your back, skirt useless as fuck, he thinks, as it sprawls around your waist. “What’s up?” he murmurs, voice gentle, a hand carding through the nape of your neck because that’s how you always wake him up. Jungkook would be a liar to say it wasn’t one of the best feelings in the world. 

You say something, but it’s a mess of gibberish and too quiet for him to understand, before turning on your side again and shuffling closer to him. Jungkook smiles, runs the tips of his fingers over your cheek, before moving to caress your back, massaging some feeling back into your muscles. Some more mumbled words, but this time he deciphers them as something along the lines of “c’mere.” 

He chuckles, ducking down to kiss your cheek. “Don’t wanna interrupt your nap, baby,” he hums. “Go back to sleep.” 

You whine in protest, suddenly catching his hand in yours. “Please,” you sigh, eyes fluttering open, but they’re unfocused as you gaze at him. Jungkook clenches his teeth. Technically he should be working on that twelve page research paper, and even just trying to jerk off right now would have been a huge setback. Crawling into bed with you, where you’re so sinfully laid out for him to take, would completely offset his plans until tomorrow. He had to be a responsible student here. 

“I really gotta finish my paper…” he says, trying to let you down as gently as possible, flashing you an apologetic gaze. He thinks he has it in the bag, and your extended silence almost has him rolling back to his desk, when you suddenly snap into action. 

“But what about your dick,” you murmur, and Jungkook chokes. 

“My what—?” he splutters, voice a little too high. 

You say nothing, craning your neck to release a series of cracks, soft huffs leaving your lips. Jungkook’s on edge the whole time, eyes following the movement of your neck, the hypnotizing expanse of skin that bares itself to him. “Saw your hand down your pants,” you say, eyes blinking open, and though they’re droopy with sleep, at least you can hold them open this time. 

Jungkook laughs nervously, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck in embarrassment. “You saw that?” A soft hum. He wants to die. “Ah, baby, don’t worry about it. Know you’re tired, so just nap,” he sighs, caressing the back of your head once again, and he thinks he’s finally convinced you so he lets his guard down. 

You moan softly, and he’s almost entirely sure it’s one of those waking up types of sounds, the ones you make when you’re stretching around the bed in the morning. “Want your cock.” 

Jungkook swears he’ll die, right here, right now. 

He groans, lowers his head to rest on the mattress. “Jesus, fuck, baby,” he huffs, has to count to ten to will the stirring of his slowly hardening cock away for the second time that day. “Don’t say stuff like that when you’re half asleep, please.”

You ignore him, the hand that had been wrapped around his wrist tugging him closer. You barely succeed, muscles still so weak, but Jungkook humors you and rolls his chair right beside your head, where he ducks down to press a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Noooo,” you whine when he draws away too quickly. 

A laugh blossoms in his chest, and Jungkook proceeds to rain down a series of kisses on your pretty face before he can stop himself. You melt under his touch, his affection, and Jungkook adores the way your body is so soft and pliant like this, back arching towards him after he places a hand on your waist. 

“Come here,” you urge, voice a quiet plea. So soft, so needy. 

Jungkook malfunctions for just a second before he’s clambering over you on the bed, manhandling your body until you're both on your sides, facing each other, with you pressed tightly to his chest. Even with your hands brushing up and down his back in the way that sends every nerve in Jungkook’s body tingling, and your leg thrown over his hip, some stupid part of him convinces himself you’re just cold, trying to warm up after walking around campus in that tiny little skirt all day. He cuddles you as best as he can. 

And even with his dick twitching in his pants and his caveman instincts yelling at him to thrust up into your inviting core, Jungkook remains as professional as someone in a relationship can be when in bed with their lover. He’s so stuck on his self-control that he almost doesn’t hear the snort you muffle against his neck. 

“What are you doing?” you laugh, reaching up to pinch his cheek. Jungkook blinks, eyes wide like a doe caught in headlights. “Are we gonna fuck or what?”

He chokes. He doesn’t even try to muffle his reaction like other times, because the way you’re looking at him and the heel you press against the back of his thigh preoccupies his thoughts instead. Your hands are still tracing along his back, melting him with your dainty touches. “Baby?” you question after he’s been silent too long, distracted by the way you use that hooked leg to tug your bodies closer. 

“You… you’re still asleep,” Jungkook says, though it’s definitely a question. 

You scoff, a smile curling around your features. “Mm, definitely not asleep,” you tease, and shift to push him onto his back, wiggling on top of him until those baby blue panties are pressed against his quickly hardening member. “Why? Wanted to touch me when I was asleep?” you continue, and Jungkook’s eyes nearly burst out of their sockets. 

“No!” he exclaims, hands clutching your hips in alarm. He can tell he surprises you, because your eyes go wide for a brief second. “Never…” he mumbles afterwards, looking away from your imploring gaze. “Only like you when you’re awake.” 

You sigh, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek that makes his heart flood with adoration for you. “You’re a good boy, Jungkook,” you say back, just as quietly. “A blueprint for the perfect man.” Another kiss, this time against the corner of his mouth that makes Jungkook’s hands twitch against your sides. 

A soft moan tears itself from his throat, fingers digging into your hips as you slowly roll them against him. The heat emanating from your core seeps past the thin barrier of his sweatpants, makes his cock twitch in his boxers. He knows how it feels inside of you, has your body memorized like the back of his hand. But it’s in moments like these that he finds himself aching for you, desperate to feel the fluttering walls of your pussy, the pitiful whimpers that fall from your kiss swollen lips. And, well. The skirt makes it all too easy.  

He places two hands on the backs of your thighs, runs them up until he’s pushing your skirt up over your waist. You pull away from his lips with a sneaky little smile, pointer finger stroking down the side of his face lazily. “Mm?” you tease, leaving a coy little peck against his mouth. “Now you wanna touch?” Jungkook rolls his eyes, snaps his teeth at your wandering finger when you draw it too close to his mouth. The giggle you let out is so damn precious, makes him want to put you in a glass case and never let anyone else touch you. Coincidentally, it also makes him want to rail you into the mattress until you cry. 

“I’ll fucking ruin you, doll,” he settles on murmuring, subtly pushing you down against him. A soft giggle. Jungkook knows it’s your favorite nickname, even if you won’t admit it. He's the only one allowed to call you it, something about his intentions being pure or whatever, he’s not really sure. Anyway, you’re still so cute and soft on top of him, blinking slowly and prettily, so he’s dragging it out a bit, hoping you’ll become more alert in a few more minutes. 

As sleepy as you may be, you never miss out on a chance to rile him up. “As if, doll,” you retort, his nickname for you rolling off your tongue seamlessly. It sounds heavenly, sparks this weird emotion in him that he never considered before. Him, a doll? No way. But there’s something about the sweet lilt of your voice, the starry-eyed gaze you level him with, that has him throwing all reservations aside. Put him on a shelf and call him Barbie, because he would be anything you wanted him to be. 

Anyway, Jungkook’s sappy thoughts last all of two seconds before he’s rolling you over, successfully trapping you beneath his body. “Oh, so scary,” you feign, hands fluttering to clutch at your chest. 

He glides his hands down your body, let’s them trail over your hip and down the side of your thigh. “Don’t get sassy with me,” he warns, thumb peeking beneath the hem of your skirt. Jungkook really wants to burn the piece of fabric this time, because after all that time it spent torturing him with its halfhearted attempts at covering you, it chooses now to do it properly. 

Hands are thrown around his shoulders, the overwhelming scent of your perfume and body wash tickling his nose when you pull him in for another kiss. “Or what?” you purr, irises swirling with lust. “Gonna use your manly man strength to hold me down?” 

He shushes you with a kiss, slow and languid just how you like. Your taste is familiar, feels like coming home, so Jungkook can’t be blamed for getting too carried away. It starts gentle— it always does. But then a tiny mewl gets stuck in your throat, the following moan swallowed by his tongue, and Jungkook nearly loses it. He nips at your bottom lip, waits patiently for you to open up for him, and when you do he wastes no time diving in. Your tongue against his is slick and wet, makes the most lewd sound. Your little sharp intakes of air fill the gaps, shuddery breaths that Jungkook takes as a good sign. 

He strikes while the iron is still hot. 

It’s amidst your lazy kissing that he secures his hands around your waist, two reassuring squeezes thrown your way before he’s abruptly rolling onto his back again. “Kook!” you squeal, clutching at the front of his shirt. A pouty frown paints your face, sleepy eyes narrowing him with a rather unimpressed look, tainted with the barest hints of confusion. 

Jungkook grins, reaching back to yank his pillow out from beneath his head. “On my face,” he commands suddenly, and you snort. 

“What?” you ask a little incredulously, leaning back to level him with an even more lost expression. “Since when do we do that?”

Jungkook shrugs. “Since I decided twenty seconds ago,” he answers rather bluntly. You still don’t look too convinced. It’s not a position the two of you have ever tried. You’re a little on the sappy side, always like to look at his face while you fuck, hold his cheeks in your palms, kiss him sweetly. On the one hand, Jungkook totally gets it; he’ll proudly admit that the sight of your orgasming face paired with your fantastic tits have done him many favors these past few months. 

However, Jungkook is a lover of head. Giving or receiving, it’s very high on his list of sexual acts and whoever invented oral deserved all the praise in the world. Not only did you look drop dead gorgeous with his cock in your mouth— tears trailing down your cheeks, drool clinging to the corners of your lips —but you also looked absolutely sexy receiving it. 

Kinda. 

Probably. 

Okay, so maybe Jungkook can’t really say, considering he always has a hard time catching a glimpse of your face when he’s down there licking and slurping your clit like a madman. Which is what leads him to this exact moment, an experiment weeks in the making. Jungkook has a theory that needs to be tested. “Please ride the fuck out of my face,” he tries, hoping the polite tone will win you over. 

He’s met with an eye roll. Still, you’re kinder than you let on. “Okay,” you give in, and Jungkook will remember your heroism for the rest of his life. “But only because being on top is empowering.” He just barely contains an over-enthusiastic fist pump into the air, settling on a rather modest smile that has you leaning down to kiss him again. You reach for the zipper on the side of your skirt. “Just let me—“

“The skirt stays on,” he says quickly, hand on your wrist to stop you from removing his most favorite article of clothing. 

“Baby,” you say, giving him a rather serious look. “It’ll cover your face.”

“It won’t,” he urges, reaching for the buttons on your blouse instead. Jungkook has had one too many encounters with tops like these, and has long since learned not to tear them apart like a crazed psycho. As much as he loves the sound of your buttons scattering across his bedroom floor, he can’t say he’s too fond of the scolding he inevitably gets afterwards. Anyway, the shirt comes off and so does your bra, leaving your tits in his face, tiny skirt on your hips. “Get up here,” he murmurs, ushering you up his body until your knees are pressing into the mattress right above his shoulders. 

If it was up to Jungkook, he would have just grabbed your hips and shoved his face against your pussy. Luckily, it’s not, and your common sense shines through just in time. “One sec,” you say, and then finally, finally, the blue panties come off. 

And then it’s just Jungkook and your glistening pussy. 

“Holy fuck,” he groans, taking the opportunity to wrap his arms around your thighs. You squeak when he pulls you closer, hand instinctively reaching for the front of your skirt to hold away from his face. The view from here is heavenly, just your swollen clit, gorgeous tits, and shy face. 

The muscles in your thighs are a little stiff. Or maybe you’re just nervous. Jungkook isn’t sure, all he knows is that it takes one encouraging tug for you to finally sit on his face. He doesn’t even register the surprised gasp that leaves your throat because he’s too busy tasting your pussy from an all new position. And it’s absolutely amazing. 

Something about the position, having you carefully poised above him, does something to Jungkook. He likes to think he knows your body inside and out, knows what makes you melt and what makes you scream. He knows just how to lap at your cunt until you’re cumming, and how many fingers it takes for you to really feel it. But it’s like having you in this position changes all of that, rearranges all the tidbits of information Jungkook has spent months collecting. 

(Jungkook is a meticulous man; he’s got a near perfect GPA right now that was the direct result of his carefully crafted note-taking techniques. Whether or not he abused the power of his perfectionist learning abilities to master the mechanisms of his girlfriend’s libido was no one's business but his own.) 

One kitten lick against your swollen pearl makes you buck forward, clit brushing against his nose. Jungkook can’t remember you ever doing that on the first lick. “O- oh my—,” you cry, all airy and whiny. Your hand is pressed to the wall behind his bed, the other bunching the front of your skirt just above your mound. He’s rather happy to learn that, just as he’d hypothesized, this position does give him a better view of you. 

He’s graced with the sight of your face, twisted up in pleasure. It’s the stereotypical eyes squeezed shut, lip caught between your teeth look. But there’s something different about it knowing that he’s gotten this reaction out of you with his mouth alone. 

Jungkook quickly repositions you over him, tugging you back until his tongue is lined up with the front of your slit. You’re so warm down here, make him feel like he’s drowning with your heady scent alone. Tentatively, he lets his tongue dip between your folds, the very tip nudging your swollen clit. A moan tears itself from your throat, the hand that had been flush against the wall suddenly jumping forward to bury itself in his hair. “Oh- oh, fuck,” you shiver, hips jolting forward once more. 

You taste good on his tongue, the arousal that coats your lips is sticky and sweet. When he laps his tongue along your folds, quivering hole to stiffened bud, you let out a sob that resonates deeply within Jungkook. And also Jungkook’s cock, which stirs beneath his trousers in excitement. What was once the focus of his mission, a quick handfuck to sedate himself before finishing his research paper, has long since been forgotten. It’s for the greater good, he tells himself, blinking up at you from between your thighs. 

Eye contact lasts for exactly three seconds before you’re looking away bashfully, the fist clutching at your skirt trembling against your tummy. You’re so fucking pretty, Jungkook’s heart can’t take it. 

And so he sets out on a mission to make you cum as soon as possible, abandoning his slow kitten licks in favor of suctioning his lips around your clit. “Kook,” you wail, tugging at his hair. Whether you do it purposely or not, Jungkook is a little shocked by how good the pain feels. It’s not an emotion he can ponder long, because then you’re using that same grip in his hair to tilt his head backwards, jerkily moving over him. 

It’s rough and sudden, the buck against his face, but Jungkook loves it. The drag of your pussy against his lips, the wet glide of your juices smearing across his chin and Cupid’s bow. It all feels so good, and the fact Jungkook is getting a front row seat to the absolutely torn look on your face is just the cherry on top. 

Jungkook has seen you make a lot of faces. He’s seen you shiver and drool as he nails you into your bed. He’s seen you sniffle and sob as he slowly fucks you in a rose petal filled bubble bath (a six month anniversary special planned by yours truly). He’s even seen your mirrored reflection fall apart as you bounced away on his lap in front of a mirror. 

He’s never seen you like this before. 

Needy and desperate, moaning his name softly, practically humping his face in your greed. Tiny skirt clutched against your waist, tits bouncing as you hurriedly grind against him. He has half the mind to burn this scene into his eyelids for the rest of his life. 

He’s given up on doing anything with his tongue, simply sticking it out for you to do as you wish. Normally, he’s not a huge fan of letting you do things yourself. After all, Jungkook was your boyfriend. Making you cum was his job. But you’re moving so fast, so frantic, in your mission to cum. So Jungkook sits back and lets you go to town on his mouth as a series of moans spill from your lips. 

And then something unforgivable happens. 

Jungkook will admit it: he’s staring at you almost a little too dreamily, heart eyes and all. He thinks you’re fucking hot, taste like heaven and have these absolutely delicious boobs bouncing up and down. He’s a little distracted by your glorious figure that he doesn’t notice one crucial bit of information. 

Your hand. 

The desperate need to cum has your muscles weakening, thighs moving at a latent pace, and, much to Jungkook’s horror, hands trembling. It’s your own pleasure that lets the unimaginable happen: your skirt flutters down. Your grip on it loosens and before Jungkook knows it, the sight of your pretty face and nice tits are gone, snatched away before his very eyes. Even your wet cunt is impossible to see, his world suddenly shrouded in darkness. 

Leave it to Jungkook to foil his own horny plan with, well, his horniness. If only he wasn’t so hopelessly in love with the image of you in skirts. Maybe then he could bask in the beauty that was you riding his face. 

He acts fast, reaching for the material before he can miss out on anything. But the angle is weird, and without Jungkook’s hands holding your hips, you’re left weakly rolling forward instead. And he’s not the only one frustrated with this turn of events, your face quickly returning to its normal composed form as you level him with a frown. “Everything okay?” you pant. 

Everything was not okay, but Jungkook isn’t sure how to tell you that without ruining this delicate moment. So he tries to show you with actions instead, releasing the skirt he’s got in his fist and letting it flutter over his face again. You giggle. “I told you so.” 

It takes more willpower than he’d like to admit to pull away from your wet folds, pulling off with a lewd sound that has you biting your lip as you gaze down at him. “I told you so,” he mimics, a little mean but you don’t take it to heart. “Hold your skirt up.” 

You hum, the grip on his hair loosening as you push away his dark locks instead. “Mmmm,” you hum. “No.”

“No?” he repeats, actually really scandalized. Okay, so he’s a little spoiled when it comes to you— it’s not his fault! You made him like this, conditioned him to think that you would always give into his every whim because you were just so sweet and considerate and wanted him to be happy. And Jungkook also wants you to be happy, and in his opinion, being happy right now means having him fuck your pretty brains out for ever getting sassy with him. 

“I don’t listen to men,” you tease, followed by a cute little nod, skin still a little warm from your looming orgasm. Jungkook takes advantage of your tiny moment of weakness, and strikes like a viper.

A girlish squeal leaves your lips, hands stretching outwards as he knocks you backwards onto the mattress. “Jungkook,” you gasp, sprawled out artfully, beautifully, over his sheets now. He doesn’t waste a second longer, crawling over your body until you’re a shivering mess beneath him. 

Hand against your throat, the other blindly reaching for the front of his sweatpants. “What is it, doll?” he drawls meanly, reveling in the way your eyes roll back when his newly-freed cock lands against your slit. A choked gasp leaves your throat, lashes fluttering wildly until Jungkook loosens his grip. 

You’ve done a nice job riling yourself up, lips squelching wet and loose when he runs the tip of his cock along them. Your knees are pulled up for him, spread perfectly for him to fit between. You’re so good for him, Jungkook feels a little bad for how hard he’s going to fuck you now. 

The sympathy doesn’t last long.  

Once upon a time, you had been the epitome of a cute and sweet girlfriend. Had picked him up from class, encouraged him to do his homework, wore these cute little skirts around campus. Deep down inside, Jungkook knew everyone else was jealous of him— you were just so pretty and cute, a girl straight out of everyone’s dreams. 

Until he sunk his horny claws into you. Jungkook will be the first to admit he spends a little too much time browsing porn sites— he’s a man, cut him some slack —which had never caused him any problems before. Even when the two of you were just friends (pining ones at that), you had never seemed even remotely affected by his extensive pornographical knowledge. It was a known fact among your friend group that Jungkook’s best friend was his right hand. 

But then, of course, you started dating Jungkook and it was like a save file of all his horniest fantasies was downloaded directly into your brain. Which leads him to this. 

“Spit in my mouth,” you shiver, got these huge, watery eyes pointed his way. His cock twitches. 

There’s a little groan that tears itself from his throat when he leans forward, cock sliding along your folds, to grasp your chin between his fingers. “Open,” he commands, and you do. Your lower lip quivers, tongue pressed against it as you wait for Jungkook to spit down your mouth. He can’t say he regrets letting you peek through his porn stash, not when it leads to this, you whimpering at the hot glob of saliva he shoots down your throat. “Filthy,” he pants, memorizing the movement of your throat when you swallow like the good girl you are. 

Before he can write another twelve sonnets about that dazed look on your face, he’s roughly grabbing at your thigh. You whine, limbs so pliant beneath his touch, letting him hike your knee over his forearm as he tugs you closer. “Fuck,” he groans, reaching down to align himself with your quivering hole. You’re still so wet, make the most lewd sound when he sinks into you. Not that Jungkook really hears it, the sound of your strained moans practically drowning everything else out. 

“Fuck,” you cry, one hand clutching at his forearm, the other toying with your breast. It’s a magnificent sight, and Jungkook is suddenly feeling a little cocky when he realizes he’s the only one who gets to see this. It’s this presumptuous nature that fuels the first round of thrusts into your cunt, fast and full. He makes sure you feel every inch of him, tip to base, as he pistons his hips forward. “J— Jungkook,” you pant, back arching beneath him. 

You take it so well, walls sucking him in every time he draws back out. “I’ve got you, doll,” he moans, hiking your leg further over his shoulder. Every roll of his hips has your tits bouncing back and forth, lower lip as well with the dopey, open-mouthed look you got on for him. And the damned skirt that got him here, fucking you with a punishing pace, sits perfectly around your waist. He has half the mind to take it off for you, briefly wonders if it hurts, but just looking at it reminds him of about thirty-seven pornos he’s seen. So it stays on, works alongside your lovestruck face to actively rewrite all those pornos anew with you starring in them instead. 

It sure helps when you start your usual mindless babbling. “I love you,” you gasp, face screwed up in pleasure. “I- I love you so much.” 

He’s contemplating doing a study on you and your weird mid-fuck confessions. You do this a lot, and while Jungkook doesn’t mind, it sure does leave him curious. “Love you too, baby,” he says anyway, repositioning his arms so he can hold your waist with both hands. 

“Really?” you ask, voice so whiny, eyes brimming with tears. From emotion or your need to cum, Jungkooks not sure. (Hence the need for a study!) 

Another brutal thrust that has you moaning loudly. “Really,” he reassures you, glancing down to watch his cock sink into your hole as he picks up the pace. Your arms are practically limbless, and his stomach is beginning to feel tight. The end was soon. “Love your pretty little face.”

Another whine, your fingers pulling at your pebbled nipples. “M- My pretty face?” you whimper, blink these long lashes up at him. They make Jungkook go a little mad, bring on a wave of jackhammer thrusts that cut your moans into choppy little cries instead. 

“Prettiest girl I know,” he groans, not once stopping the movement of his hips. You’re quivering like a leaf beneath him, your entire body locking up as Jungkook guides you toward orgasm. “A fucking doll, baby— so beautiful for me,” he praises. 

It’s exactly what you want to hear— secretly, Jungkook hypothesizes that you’re a little bit of an attention whore —crying out when he slows to a grind against you. Each roll of his hips has him rubbing over your swollen bud, leaves you trembling until you’re eventually unraveling beneath him. “Oh- Oh, fuck— Jungkook—“ you sob, writhing beneath him as you cream his cock. 

Your tits look amazing, nipples stiff from your arousal and all the attention you’d been giving them. Your features soften, gasps framed by your pillowy lips. As Jungkook has said before, your pretty face was the most dangerous weapon. 

He manages a few more pistons of his hips, mostly for reputation sake, before he’s eventually pulling out. His right hand, once the sole hero of his solo sessions, makes a valiant return now as he jacks himself off over you. It takes a few harsh pulls of his cock until he’s spurting his jizz over you, painting your tummy and your tits in white ribbons of cum. You flinch, a tiny whimper leaving your throat at the mess he makes. “Fuck,” he groans one last time. 

When it’s over, you have the audacity to shyly pull down the front of your skirt. As if your tits aren’t out and about, but Jungkook pretends he doesn’t see it. Instead, he channels his energy into peppering your face in kisses. “Best girl,” he praises, even though he knows you hate the nickname. “My beautiful feminist queen.” 

A pinch against his cheek. It hurts like hell, but he endures it for now, still very much in love with your performance today. “Get me a towel,” you huffily ask, uncomfortable with the jizz sticking to your tummy, as if he didn’t spit in your mouth a few minutes ago. 

His research paper is waiting for him at his desk, the materials he’d spent weeks collecting waiting to be typed up. But his girlfriend is so soft and sleepy, asking him to stay for another nap. 

There was never a choice.

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