#but ty for giving me the space the spread out my ideas on the table

[grapecaseschoices]

You having not decided on Isyl's pronouns has the unfortunate effect of me picturing Isyl talking like Minsc 😔. Isyl does not use pronouns. Isyl has evolved past others talking about Isyl

negfl i have been thinking about this. not the minsc part bc i havent recruited him yet, but now my brain is like GRIMACE EMOJI [I'm sorry to Minsc, what I've seen is he's adorable. But maybe that's all the reason for me to have Isyl go by Isyl, to break the stereotype that only 'simple' characters thrid person] but the fact of Isyl being like fuck this shit. Like this is Me [That's so Isyl. The Best of All Worlds. Me badly quoting disney theme songs to badly describe the way I a cissy feel about this trans/non-binary characters gender.] accept it or lose it.

I also want to do it now because I feel Barcus would be bewildered but like ... whatever and Wulbren would be a dick about it [when he finds Isyl useful but SO SUPPORTIVE when he needs Isyl.]

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Philip | Talk To Me | Romantic

Dialogue prompt: “Can you stop ignoring me?”

Requested: Yes

Your husband is in one of his rare sullen moods and is not keen on talking about it, so you make it your personal goal to pull him out of his own thoughts.

The sun is barely at its highest point when you make your way to Andrew’s flat, around one arm a basket full of sweet, ripe dates, the other occupied with holding up a wiggling two-year-old. Strands of (h/c) hair stick against your forehead as you navigate the streets of the village you’ve started to slowly grow accustomed to – although it’s not Betsaïda, it is nice nevertheless – and turn the corner to reach the place you’re currently staying at. With your hands full, you awkwardly kick the door in the hopes of calling the attention of Judas, who is currently preparing the pieces of cloth where the food has to be wrapped into. 

The keeper of the purse appears in the doorframe and gives you a worried look, until he realises that it is just you and he assists you at once. “Ah, shalom (Y/n), let me help you out.” 

He takes the basket from you and you feel Noam’s little nails tighten into your tunic at the sight of the man that is not a stranger, but not a friend yet either. The child is shy, but he is growing less attached to you like he had been in his first eighteen months of life. 

“Well, you’ve been working hard, I see.” you quip upon stepping into the warm space, where Judas has spread out several squares of cloth over the surface of the table. He plants his hands on his hips and nods. Carefully, you place Noam onto the floor, although he isn’t fond of having to stand on his own. 

“Yes, we can work efficiently this way. I’ll get a bowl so we can easily access the dates, and then we’ve got the bread right there, and we can tie them up with these pieces of str–”

Your fussy toddler pulls on your skirts and whimpers, calling for your attention right away. “Not now, darling. Eema has to prepare food packages for the homeless, okay? You can sit on my lap later.” You turn to Judas, “Right, that should be doable.”

Both you and Judas sit down and Noam crawls on the chair beside you with some assistance. Occupying the boy with a date that he promptly clenches into a tight fist, you start on wrapping up the fresh food into the cloth, tying them neatly at the top. It doesn’t take long for you to set a nice pace. 

“Noam is getting big, isn’t he?” Judas coos, “Before you know it, he’ll run all around Capernaum.” 

You blow a strand of hair from your face and give a small roll of your eye, smiling. “Oh, please, don’t remind me. I’m frightened enough as is. Can’t constantly think about how I’ll be managing him once we return to Betsaïda.”

“I’m certain you’ll be fine,” Judas comments, and you smile kindly, whispering a word of gratitude before the toddler calls for your attention again by tugging on your skirt, wiping the sticky residue of the date on the linen. 

Opening your mouth to speak, you prepare to reprimand Noam, but your son escapes said words as two men suddenly stumble into the flat without so much as a knock – the owner of the house itself, Andrew, is supporting your husband, who is clearly in pain. 

“Ah, welcome back!” Judas has the audacity to chime, as if it isn’t obvious that the love of your life is currently in great discomfort.

“At least someone is happy to see us.” Philip huffs, not yet taking notice of your presence.

“He is a different Philip right now,” Andrew comments.

With a rearing heart, you jump to your feet, both concerned and somewhat upset; you swallow the comment about how it had been a bad idea for them to return to the Decapolis to sort things out before you have a chance to make it. This is not the right time.

Philip flops into the chair that had been occupied by you a few moments prior and grunts in pain as Andrew sets him down, and you rush over to his side to check up on him. Just now, he registers that you are here in the room with him, and his face softens. “Shalom, love.” However, he does not smile.

“Hello,” you greet him, “What happened?” You put a hand on his shoulder as your gaze goes to his foot, where his big toe is bleeding terribly.

Your husband opens his mouth to speak, but Andrew interrupts by pointing at the table. “What are these?”

“Oh, (Y/n) and I were just making packages of food for the homeless. Little James said it was a Purim tradition.”

“Purim!” Andrew quips, “I had completely forgotten!” 

Something in Philip’s frame stiffens, in spite of your proximity. “How are we talking about Holidays right now?!” His voice sounds upset, and you immediately worry about what was going on, and how he ended up injured.

“What happened at the Decapolis?” Judas queries before you can ask that same question, and Philip sighs, closing his eyes. 

“Our teaching…” he sighs, “We made a mess.”

“And your toe?” you whisper.

Philip looks at you from the corner of his eye. “I wasn’t paying attention to the road, so I tripped and fell.”

Obviously restless, Andrew heads to the other side of the room. “We did not intentionally create a mess! We preached the words of our Rabbi, and some people took issue… Where is the vinegar?!” 

Judas answers: “Oh, it’s on the bottom table, to the right. I rearranged the bottles, the way you had them organised before was very inefficient.”

“The Decapolis is in full-scale meltdown and you’re over here rearranging cabinets.” your husband snaps. 

“How would he know?” Andrew replies sharply.

You squeeze Philip’s shoulder, and you are about to ask for further explanation, but Noam tugs on your arm to draw your attention. “Eema, hungry! I want grapes!” His gaze shifts, and only at this moment, the boy realises his father has returned, and his focus shifts to him. “Oh! Abba! Abba! Abba… Pain!” 

Philip sighs and nods at the boy, dragging a hand through the unkempt dark locks on top of his son’s head. He was due for a haircut. “Yes, little one. Abba hurt his foot, but I will be okay.”

Noam wraps his arms around one of your legs and rests his head against your thigh as Philip looks at you, Andrew showing up behind you to take care of the injury on his toe. 

“We need to discuss some things in private. Would you mind taking Noam outside for some food?”

There is a certain tone to his voice that you don’t like. “He already ate, he just wants a snack,” you comment, “And I would like to know what happened as well.”

“It is not good to hear for Noam.”

“He is too young to understand what you are talking about.”

“(Y/n)...” Philip slightly tilts his head. “Please, take our boy outside. I will not risk it.”

You let out a huff. “Fine,” you say, not satisfied with the outcome, “But you will tell me later, then.”

Philip hums and gives you a tight-lipped nod. “Of course.” Perhaps it is the exhaustion that makes him act like this, for you certainly do not recognise the kind of man sitting in front of you right now, so you don’t want to hold it against him. However, his icy demeanour makes your blood run cold. 

You scoop up the child and shift him onto your hip comfortably, greeting the men with a simple word of shalom. Before you leave, Philip quickly grabs your hand, squeezing your wrist. You press a swift kiss onto his forehead before rushing out, knowing that the men need their privacy, but feeling left out nevertheless.

_

The bed dips as Philip slides in next to you. Bleary-eyed, you turn to face him, torn violently from your slumber. “Philip?”

He shushes you, pressing a ticklish kiss to your temple. “It’s me, sweetheart. Go back to sleep.”

Your gaze shifts to the window, where the moon and stars have been out for hours. “What took you so long?”

“Nothing, my dear. Go back to sleep.” he repeats, insisting you to do so as he settles behind you, sighing against your neck. However, all sense of drowsiness leaves you in an instant. 

You roll onto your back, Philips arm draping itself around your waist, and you frown at him. “Philip, what happened at the Decapolis?”

The sigh that leaves him sounds almost miffed. “It’s not important, (Y/n). What matters is that I have returned home safely to you and Noam, hm?”

“Of course it is important!” Your voice is louder now, “As your wife, I deserve to know!”

Philip attempts to hush you. “Don’t speak too loudly, or you’ll wake Noam.”

“You promised to tell me.”

Your husband sighs and averts his gaze. “We went to the Decapolis, our story wasn’t really interpreted correctly by everyone, so there is some unrest going on there now. Andrew and I left again because we couldn’t do anything anymore, and now we are back. There you have it.”

Slightly squinting, you lean up on your elbows to properly look at him. “There is more to it, Phil. That cannot be the only reason why you’re acting like this. Where’s the man I married?”

“He’s right next to you, (Y/n).”

You huff. “Oh, please. I know you, and I can see that something is the matter. All I am asking of you is to talk to me. Can you stop ignoring me?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” he states, rolling over onto his other side, away from you. The noise that leaves your throat sounds indignant. “I’m tired, good night.”

You grit your teeth, wondering what to say next. With narrowed eyes, you look at the way his chest rises and falls under the covers, until it settles into a steady pace, indicating him to be asleep. With a sigh, you plop back down onto the bed, shifting away from him, trying to gather yourself before falling asleep. 

It proves harder than expected.

_ 

The scent of hamantaschen fills the air of Capernaum, but your chest feels tight in spite of it. With Noam playing at your feet, you stir the pot of food thoroughly lest its contents burn, and a knock on the doorframe startles you out of your concentration. 

“Shalom, (Y/n). Chag Purim sameach!” 

You turn and smile. “Oh, shalom Salome. Chag Purim sameach to you too.” The woman enters the house and places a basket of food onto the table, meant for the homeless. 

“Are you ready to hand out the food packages?”

You hum absentmindedly, and Salome’s smile falls. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” you tell her, but your eyes do not match your forced smile. The mother of your friends James and John shakes her head slightly. 

“I can see that something is bothering you–”

“Shalom, Salome. (Y/n).” Philip appears in the doorframe behind her, having returned from a trip to Andrew’s place. You give your husband a tight-lipped smile, which he returns, and Salome’s gaze shifts between you for a moment. 

Before you can open your mouth to speak and say that everything is okay, she walks over towards you – not to you, but to the boy at your feet – and lifts him up into her arms. Noam doesn’t seem to mind it, immediately tangling into her veil, smiling broadly at the attention. The boy is really growing out of his phase of wanting just you and nobody else.

Philip inhales to say something, but Salome points a finger at him. “I don’t think so. You two,” her index finger also goes to you, “You talk out whatever is going on, because this cannot continue. Just a minute in your presence tells me that there is unresolved tension that needs to be discussed. Philip and (Y/n), neither of you leave this kitchen before you’re on good terms again, and in the meantime, I will bring Noam with me to assist me in handing out the food packages to the homeless.” In her free hand, she takes the basket she had placed on the table and gives both of you another stern look before brushing out of the house, your son on her arm, not giving you any space to protest.

As soon as the door closes, you exhale shakily. Philip’s gaze is fixated on the floor as a few seconds of pregnant silence fill the space between you. “Listen, (Y/n), there is nothing that you need to be concerned about–”

A drop of soup falls onto the floor as you point your ladle at him. “I don’t buy that, Philip of Betsaïda. I hardly recognise you ever since you returned.”

“Sweetheart–”

“Don’t ‘sweetheart’ me until you are prepared to talk to me.”

Turning back to your soup, you attempt to continue preparing the food, but footsteps approaching you cause you to drop the spoon into the pot. Putting his hands on your upper arms, Philip whispers your name. 

“(Y/n), look at me.” Your form tenses and he squeezes your shoulders gently. “Please.”

You pivot, sighing before daring to look up at him, and his gaze contains something you cannot quite put a finger on. His eyes soften when you meet them and he exhales softly, attempting to find the right words. 

“I’m just scared, okay? I am absolutely terrified.”

You thickly swallow, your brow furrowing. “What do you mean?”

His hand slides up from your arm to your cheek, which he softly cradles. “The ministry is taking up so much of our time… I’ve missed so much of Noam’s development lately. I’m afraid that the ministry will drive us apart. At the Decapolis…” 

He pauses to take a deep breath, barely daring to look at you, but once you catch his gaze, you manage to hold it. 

“I’ve seen a fraction of what our ministry means. What it could mean, if things continue in the pace that it is going. What the Message that Jesus wants us to spread, about the Kingdom of Heaven, is capable of stirring within people, in the most negative sense of the word. I’ve witnessed what our future may look like. And I’m frightened I will lose you and our boy because of it. That you two will lose me, and that…” 

A tear slides down his cheek, and you let out a tiny noise, cupping his face. 

“Philip,” you murmur as his lips tremble whilst he attempts to fight unshed tears, your own eyes growing hot as well, “I love you, and Noam loves you. But most of all we love God, right? Adonai has always been our main priority. Ever since we met, we have established that time and time again, and it is part of the reason why I fell in love with you in the first place. Your passion for our God is wonderful.”

Philip gulps and chews the inside of his cheek. “I-I know, but that was before… Before this,” he puts a hand on your tummy, “Before Noam. Our son is now our priority, and…” The words die on his tongue when he sees you shake your head, and you smile, pressing your forehead against Philip’s.

“No, darling,” you say, “God is still our priority. Noam was a gift we received from Him, and we fully intend to raise him to be a Godly man, hm? The Lord cares for us, always, no matter what happens. Noam is a gift and his father is a student at the side of the Messiah Himself. When you told me you were to follow Him, my heart stuttered in delight. The ministry does not interfere with our family, Philip. It strengthens it.”

Your husband shows you a shiver of a smile, his eyes holding glittering adoration.

“Forgive me for my coldness, love. I just didn’t want to frighten you with the idea that you’ll lose me.”

“All is forgiven.” you reassure him, smiling, “I love you, Philip, and I love our son even more. But most of all I love Adonai. We will be alright.”

“I love you, too,” he breathes against your lips before kissing you sweetly, and you wrap your arms around his neck, smiling into it. 

“And Adonai?” you playfully question him.

Philip laughs, holding you by the waist. 

“Yes, I love Adonai even more.”

[miyagihawk]

for hawk

lover of mine - 5sos

it's a selfship anthem, bby!

the lyrics make so much sense

i love 5sos!!!! ty for the request :)

lover of mine | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader

warnings: cursing, i think that’s it?

summary: based on lover of mine by 5sos <3

Lover of mine

Maybe we'll take some time

Kaleidoscope mind

Gets in the way

Your relationship with Hawk was more complicated than most.

You had to be patient with him. His mind was like a kaleidoscope; his thoughts were in intricate patterns that you could never comprehend. It amazed you, but it also frustrated you when you couldn’t understand him.

And when it seemed like you finally did understand, he would shift into new colors and you’d have to start all over again.

“I just- I don’t get you, Hawk! Why are you always lying to me?” you said loudly, already feeling exhausted from the argument.

“I’m not! You just never believe me!” he turned it on you. Like always.

You looked at him with a hard stare and crossed your arms. “Did you or did you not break Demetri’s arm?” you asked in a calmer, but still threatening tone.

You already knew the answer; everyone was talking about what happened in the laser tag room. But here Hawk was, denying it. You just couldn’t grasp why he hid so much from you.

When he stayed silent with his gaze not meeting yours, you sat on your bed with an exasperated sigh.“We should take a break,” you interrupted the quiet atmosphere, looking up at where your boyfriend stood in front of you.

“What?” Hawk finally met your eyes with a hurt expression.

You patted the spot on the bed next to you, and he sat reluctantly. “I’m just tired. We need a break Hawk.”

“We don’t need a break,” he protested quietly, and the subtle sadness in his voice was enough to make your heart pang with hurt.

Hope and I pray

Darling, that you will stay

Butterfly lies

Chase them away

He was scared. Even through all the countless arguments and lies, you never left. Now you were suggesting a break, and Hawk knows from seeing other relationships that they always just end in an actual break up.

In a weird way, you did want to scare him. Because he would never change if you didn’t. You hated the idea of a break, but maybe Hawk would finally stop lying to you if you showed him you were serious.

“It’s not a breakup,” you assured, because you knew what he was thinking. For once. “We just need time apart for a little bit. To think.”

“About what?” he asked defensively, starting to raise his voice again.

“You and I. We’re quite toxic, you know?” you contrasted his volume in a lighter tone, making his face relax and his lips turn up a bit.

His small smile dropped suddenly, replaced by an anxious expression. “Don’t leave me Y/N.”

Your heart dropped at his words, and you wanted to wrap your arms around him. To tell him you’d never leave and that it was all okay. But it wasn’t all okay.

You grabbed his hand instead, “You’re my best friend. I love you. But I need this, okay? We both do. Just some time to figure out how we can fix... us.”

“I can fix it now, we don’t need to take a break. Please. I’ll never lie to you again. I just- I hate disappointing you,” he pleaded, tightening his hand around yours, and you wanted to give in.

But you knew that letting this go on, this never ending cycle, would only end with the both of you in a huge crash and burn.

“You said that last time,” you gave him a sad smile. “Let’s just figure our shit out, and then come back better for each other. We need this Hawk.”

-

6 months later

Things didn’t end so well after your break with Hawk. After spending some time apart, you two were just never close again.

None of you planned for it to happen; you just drifted away from each other. And neither of you exactly established when the “break” would be over.

So for the next few months, you passed each other in the halls without any acknowledgment of the other’s existence. Of course you missed him, but not being with him just became the new normal. And you accepted it and pushed your feelings aside.

“So you’ll meet us there? You sure you don’t want the limo to pick you up?” your friend Cara asked from across the lunch table.

“Yeah don’t worry about me, Jesse’s picking me up,” you replied, making the rest of your friends wiggle their eyebrows teasingly.

“What happened to prom with the girls, Y/N? I thought we established no boyfriends during prom season,” Cara pouted playfully, and you elbowed her in the ribs.

“He’s not my boyfriend. He just asked me to prom and that’s it,” you corrected.

Your other friend jumped in, “And why not? Jesse is so cute.”

As she asked, your eyes trailed away from your friends and towards a certain someone with loud red hair, sitting across the room with his karate posse.

Your group noticed your lack of attention and turned to see what you were looking at. They sighed in unison, making you bring your focus back to them.

“He’s why, isn’t he?” Cara gave you an understanding smile and rubbed your shoulder comfortingly. “It’s okay. Just have fun tonight.”

You only nodded, giving your kind friends a soft smile of appreciation.

As much as you tried to convince yourself that you’ve moved on fully, the boy with a kaleidoscope mind would always have a place in your heart.

-

Where is he?

You paced around your living room anxiously, checking your phone for what seemed like the millionth time in the past hour.

You scrolled through the numerous texts you’ve sent, contemplating if you should send another one. Calling him wasn’t even an option; it went straight to voicemail everytime.

After an hour and a half, you gave up waiting and hoping that your prom date would show up. You flopped down onto the couch despairingly, replying to worried texts from your friends.

‘I’m not going to make it, just don’t worry about me. Have fun my loves.’ you typed, throwing your phone onto the floor right after.

You didn’t want to ask them to pick you up and ruin their night, and you were honestly too drained from being stood up to call an Uber.

So prom night ended up with you spread out on the couch with your outfit that you’ve planned out months ago, eating out of a carton of rocky road ice cream.

Honestly, it could’ve been worse. You could’ve been spending the night with an absolute jerk named Jesse. (a/n: so sorry if ur name is jesse lmao)

In the middle of your rom com movie marathon, an abrupt knock at the front door made you sit up from your pathetic, ice cream eating position on the sofa.

Immediately, you turned off the TV and tiptoed towards the door. You silently grabbed the baseball bat next to it, while squinting to see through the peephole.

Your stomach immediately dropped when you saw him.

Clad in a black suit, with a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

Shifting on his feet and chewing on his lip nervously, as he waited for you to open the door.

The boy you didn’t know you needed to see until now.

What is he doing here?

You covered your mouth in shock as you ran to the mirror to check if you had chocolate stains around your mouth. You smoothed down your hair and straightened out your dress in a frenzy, before unlocking the door with a deep breath in.

“Hawk?” you tried to act surprised, which wasn’t hard because your heart was racing.

He took a second to look at you in your wasted prom attire, and he was locked in a trance for a second before he snapped out of it. “Oh... uh, these are for you,” he held out the flowers to you and you took them with a smile.

“Wow, I love them. Thank you,” you brought them up to your nose for a whiff of your favorite floral scent. “So, what are you doing here?” you asked awkwardly.

“Oh crap, sorry, do you want to come in?” you said before he would answer, and you opened the door wider so he could step inside.

Hawk looked around the room where he’s been countless times, and he frowned at the sight of 13 Going On 30 paused on the screen with half melted ice cream on the coffee table. That movie plus the sweet dessert was your absolute comfort pairing, and it made him sad that you needed it.

“Cara texted me, and I was worried,” he finally spoke, answering your earlier question. You suddenly felt embarrassed as you placed the bouquet in a vase. You didn’t want to be pitied. Especially by your ex-boyfriend.

“I’m fine,” you said bluntly, busying yourself with the flowers so that you wouldn’t have to face him. You hadn’t talked to him since the night you suggested the break, and you already felt too exhausted from tonight’s events to even talk about it with him. “It’s better that I didn’t go to prom with that dick.”

Hawk chuckled at your remark, and you felt more at ease. The tension between you was thicker than an iceberg, and you didn’t know if you could handle it.

“So did you leave? Or are you just dressed up like that for me?” you smiled, sitting down on the couch where he followed.

He laughed again, lightening the mood even more. “I was there, but you know, Cara told me about what happened and... I just felt like I needed to come. It was lame though. The whole thing is just dancing. And I don’t dance,” Hawk explained, and you found yourself smiling at the thought of him caring about you. “But I know how excited you were about prom, so I thought I’d bring it to you. Some romantic shit like that.”

Your eyebrows raised at “romantic shit”, but you decided not to say anything about it. Although, it did make your cheeks heat up and you hoped he didn’t notice. “That’s really sweet Hawk. Thank you. Really,” you placed your hand on top of his, but you recoiled awkwardly because it felt too intimate, given the circumstances.

You cleared your throat, “So... since you’re bringing prom to me, does that mean I get a dance?” you got up and stood in front of him with your arms playfully crossed.

Hawk squinted his blue eyes at you, crossing his arms as well, “I don’t dance, remember?”

“For me you will, right? Or I could just, you know, dance by myself. It’s already been such a great night for me,” you teased, walking away from him towards a clear space in the living room.

He groaned from behind you and got up to follow, making you cheer happily. “For you I will,” he stated under his breath, releasing dozens of butterflies in your stomach.

Dance around the living room

Lose me in the sight of you

I've seen the red, I've seen the blue

Take all of me

You turned on your Dad’s old record player, where a slow, jazzy, 60s vinyl was spinning. You almost wanted to change it because it felt too romantic, but Hawk was already waiting behind you and you were scared he would change his mind.

The rush his presence gave you made you boldly put your hands on his shoulders, and he stiffly placed his own on the curve of your waist. Your hands were locked at the nape of his neck; his hold on you was light as if you were fragile china.

You forgot how intoxicating it felt to be this close to him, and you wondered how you went so long without that feeling.

The both of you swayed to the smooth melodies of Nina Simone with interlocked eyes, and with every second his hands on your hips became more relaxed. You rested your head on his chest, pulling him closer.

For a song or two, none of you said anything; there was just an unspoken appreciation of each other’s presence. After 6 months without him, you needed this.

I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made that mistake

If my name never fell off your lips again

I know it'd be such a shame

When I take a look at my life

And all of my crimes

You're the only thing that I think I got I right

“I should’ve never let you go,” Hawk whispered close to your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

“I was the one who wanted the break. It’s my fault,” you opposed, lifting your head up from his chest to look up at him.

He raised one of his hands to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, and it brought a warm smile to your face. “But I didn’t chase after you,” his lips turned down into a frown.

You put your hands on the sides of his face while you two continued to sway to the staticky vinyl. “Maybe it’s both of our faults,” you laughed lightly, touching his soft skin.

“It’s me Y/N. I’m the one who lied to you throughout the whole relationship. I’m so sorry,” Hawk looked down at you with glossy eyes. “I’ve done so much fucked up shit. But you’re the only thing I got right. I hate myself for ruining it too.”

Your felt yourself melt at his confession. “It’s not ruined,” you disputed. “You aren’t perfect and I’m not either. I shouldn’t have given up on us. I’m sorry.”

He closed his eyes in peace as your hands ran through his bright hair. It was down from its usual style, giving him a softer look.

“Maybe we both messed up. But I’m never giving you away again Y/N. I won’t make that mistake. I love you,” the boy you’ve missed for months admitted, saying everything you wanted to hear.

You kissed him in reply.

a/n: ah idk if i like this but i hope u do, i feel like my writings are getting repetitive im having bad writers block (as u can tell by how slow im doing requests)

[whorphydice]

Bread When I’m Hungry

Happy Re-opening, Heres a new fic. 

Bread When I’m Hungry

Those were words that, in the dead heat of summer, have Orpheus waking from a dead sleep. Somehow, despite the blazing temperatures, he wakes in a cold sweat. Fear likely responsible for the chill he felt in his heart at the memory.  It was a nightmare, quite literally, that he would never recover from. Eurydice, clinging to his hand, begging him to just listen please, we need food. A nightmare, a memory, that every night now, he experienced again in his head. Eurydice, his wife, his love, starving in front of his eyes.

Even when he woke, breathing hard and heart trying to beat itself out of his chest, he cannot shake the feeling. He always looks to his right, where his wife is there in the flesh, alive. The gentle rise and fall of her shoulders with her breathing comforts him, bringing him out of his fear. Yes. She was alive, she was here, and she was safe.

And yet, despite the very physical evidence of her beside him that they were safe… it all ate at Orpheus. The memories, the nightmares.  The look on her face when he had come for her, the hope in her eyes when she told him she needed so little-- bread, fire-- so long as they were together. He owed her- he owed her the most basic of comforts.

He had promised to see her needs, to meet them. He would be damned before he failed to provide for her again.

It is that next morning, right after the peak of summer, when he kisses his wife’s sleeping face, whispers a promise of “I’ll be back soon,” and slips out towards the door. The fact doesn’t escape him (he’s gotten better at remembering important things) that his wife had mentioned she was going to be helping Persephone and her mother with gardening all day and likely would not be home until that evening. Perfect.

He is the first person at the market that morning, with a cotton tote over his shoulder. He makes a beeline way directly to the corner stand that is filled with freshly baked goods, leavening agents, and a plethora of flour products. It’s earlier than he’d wake normally, but he can remember hearing about baking early in the day, and bakers waking before anyone else. Yes, this is what he had to do. What he wanted to do. He practically runs up to the stand, absolutely beaming at the town baker, despite the early hour.

“Good morning!” Orpheus greets, pulling a notebook from his pocket, as well as a pencil. “I have some questions for you.”

The baker, an older man, who had been baking in the town before Orpheus had even been born, looks up over his shelves of goods, a curious expression on his face. “Why, good morning Orpheus! What are you doing here so early, and where’s that girl of yours? Unlike you to be alone!”

A warm blush comes to Orpheus’ face, as he fiddles his pencil between his thumb and forefinger. “That’s actually what i’m here about. I want to learn to bake. Bread, actually. I promised her she’d have a home with warm bread. I need to make sure I keep that promise.” He gestures to the flours and sugars around him. “And, to be quite honest, I don’t even know how to start.”

The baker is a kind man, and he chuckles under his breath. It was just very..Orpheus..to take on a project and a promise with no idea of how to go about completing it. He wipes his hands on his apron and holds out both hands, gesturing for Orpheus to hand him the note pad and paper. “You’re the only man I know like you.” He remarks, scribbling down instructions on the notepad. “You’re going to start simple, alright? No starter, no add ins. Just a basic, white bread.”

Orpheus nods excitedly, clasping his hands infront of him. “Yes, yes, thank you! I appreciate it, and Eurydice will too.” It was fact, in the town. That Eurydice was nearly as beloved as Orpheus, maybe even more so, for the way she brought him the joy that she did. He is glancing around at the ingredients around him, trying not to show the level of overwhelmed he felt. “I can- what do I need to do that?”

“I’ll set you up right, don’t worry about it. And when you’re done here you’re gonna stop down there for your butter. It’ll be nice and fresh. Melts real well on the warm bread. And stop and grab some fresh eggs too. You can make a real nice toast for your girl in the mornin;.” The Man hands Orpheus the list back, and then begins to hand him the proper products he needs from the document. “If you really want to impress her, You make a few loaves, then it pushes you through the week. Shows forethought.”

Orpheus gives the man a genuine thanks and exchanges payment, before he carries on stopping at the rest of his target vendors. He grabs the additional ingredients, careful to follow the instructions exactly. He has to make sure Eurydice enjoys it, he has to make her see that he listened to her needs. 

Orpheus enjoys the walk home, noting to himself how melodic the birds sound. He finds himself humming in response, a beautiful distraction to exactly how exhausted he is. The combination of the lack of sleep from the nightmares and the early start to the day are surely to catch up to him. But for now, in this moment, he is simply too excited to surprise his wife.

Orpheus arrives home, tossing his shoes to the side as he soon as he passes the threshold of their apartment. They’ve lived above the bar since their return, Orpheus himself having lived their longer. They’ve talked about looking for more of a home, with a yard for their own garden, space out of the town where they could be alone. There was no rush, though. They were together, they were each other’s home. The four walls around them wasn’t what mattered most, anymore. 

Eurydice is gone, he can tell that much in their studio space. Besides the obvious of the lack of her physical presence, he notices the lack of her boots, the absence of her laugh, the missing smell of warm spices and earth. It used to be that her absence, even temporary, would set a panic in his chest. She’s gone, she’s never coming back. She left again. Doubt plays on repeat in his head, time and time again until he finally broke down to Eurydice one day.  He verbalizes his fear, and doubts, and through more than a bit of tears from them both they made it through. He can rationalize now, that when she went out to work with Persephone, she’d return at the end of the night. 

Now the pang he felt was just that he always did, when she was gone. Just a feeling of a  man who loved his wife and missed her presence.

Orpheus sits his groceries in their kitchen, setting them out before him. He grabs his work apron, the only one he had, slipping It over his head and then tying it behind his back. He re-reads the instructions diligently (one, two, then three) times before he begins preparing his work station and beginning his first loaf.

~

Maybe it was the summer heat beaming down on her all day, or maybe it was the practically sun up to sundown shift she worked today, but Eurydice was exhausted. Not that she was ungrateful, no not that at all. She thanked Persephone, and often her mother, profusely for allowing her to come help work around the farm and assist the goddesses. Yes, Eurydice was exceptionally grateful for all the opportunities Persephone helped to provide her with.

Eurydice’s thankfulness did not negate that sometimes, at the end of a long day in the field, she was bone tired.

“Love.. I’m home..” She pushes the door open, and after settling her keys on the table right inside their door, she has no chance to drop her bag or shoes before she is met by her husband directly inside.

He stands there, directly on the other side of the door, a goofy, proud smile on his face. He is still wearing his work apron from earlier, though rather than the usual drink stains, he is covered in a light flour dusting. Most importantly, now, is that Orpheus holds his arms out fully extended to her, with a steaming golden loaf of bread in his hands. “Look! ‘Rydice I did it!’

Eurydice looks out in-front of her, eyes going incredibly wide when the situation processes through her head. Bread. That is fresh bread. That is fresh, steaming homemade bread. That is fresh, steaming homemade bread created by her husband. Orpheus made this for her. Her husband did this for her. “You.. did that? Orpheus?” She’s in disbelief as she drops her bag carelessly and reaches out her hands to wrap around his. Her dark eyes flicker between his hands and meeting his face. Once she truly realizes what’s happened, the brightest smile spreads from her mouth to her eyes, and a little laugh of disbelief coming out. “you made us this?”

He nods so quickly that his head barely can move, gently transferring the loaf to her hands. “I wanted you to know I remember. I remember the promises I made you. I promised you would always have bread when you are hungry- and I am going to keep my promises, this time.“ Orpheus leans in and wraps his now free (but still warm) hands around her cheeks, holding his entire world in them. “I will always make sure you have enough to eat, Eurydice. I promise.” He leans in, now, to give her a kiss on the center of her forehead. His lips linger for a few moments, before he pulls back. He rests his forehead on hers for a few minutes, hands still cupping her cheeks.

Orpheus is struck with recollection, then, as he pulls back from his wife. “oh! And follow me! I have some fresh butter for you. I have a few more loaves to finish, but you can eat that one while the others bake. They told me, at the market today, to make a couple so we can have them all week!” He gestures for her to follow him towards the kitchen area where, on their dining table, flour is spread out after a few smaller piles of raw dough.

He goes back to kneading, as Eurydice follows him into their home. If he notices her tears forming, he does not mention it. Eurydice breaths deeply as she stares at the loaf in her hands, thumbs brushing over the golden crust. It is heavy and warm, fresh but ready to be eaten, in the palms of her hands. She would love to blame the feeling in her chest as a mix of exhaustion and love but Eurydice knows that, really, it’s the feeling of love and adoration alone that Orpheus is so capable of making her feel. No, exhaustion is not why her heart felt so heavy now.

And here he was, providing for them. Not that she had doubted his dedication, no, and she wasn’t expecting him to support her entirely either. They were a team. They worked together to meet the needs of them both.  Yet this loaf of bread in her hands made by the man kneading another small portion at the table, was a far cry from the boy who didn’t hear her pleas for food and firewood not that many seasons ago.

Eurydice wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand, directing her attention instead to her husband and his work.

She couldn’t help but stare at him, now. The way his hair had just a bit of sweat on the ends, a result of the hard work he had put into the heat of the kitchen all day. Then there was the way he bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. The way his arms from his shoulders, the muscles of his upper arm, to the tendons in his lower arms twisted and contorted with his effort into the dough. His stature now, also, was quite a development in comparison to the thin, frail boy who came to hell and back for her. She supposed a healthy harvest and work did wonders for the body. Most of all, she was not ignoring his skilled fingers folding and flexing in the bread dough, as he incorporated extra flour. Kneading, she realized, was just another thing to add to the list of the things Orpheus’s nimble fingers were so good for.

Eurydice snaps herself out of her reverie, breaking the bread in half with her hands. The crackling of the crust has him looking up at her, and he gives her one of the most brilliant grins she had ever seen. “Is it good?”

Without even tasting it, Eurydice just nods. “Wonderful.”

[temilyrights]

resisting you was always impossible (temily)

Summary: Tara Lewis x Emily Prentiss. Emily and Tara are forced to spend the night in a motel when a storm hits. (oh no there’s only one bed).

Word Count: 2k

A/N: This is my first fic that doesn't include a reader and I'm proud. I was forced to write this because there just aren't enough Temily fics, and I'm completely obsessed with them (also would like to marry them both pls and ty<3) Please let me know what you think! I'm hoping to write for them more in the future :)

Read on AO3

Emily swore under her breath as she pushed her way into the motel room, her clothes and hair were absolutely drenched, and she was currently rethinking every single life decision that had led her to where she was now.

Stuck in a motel room.

with only one bed.

with the ONLY person that she’d been trying to avoid getting into any situation with that blurred the lines of professionalism.

“Oh, thank god, we’ve got towels.” Tara sighed in relief, grabbing the ratty towels from the cupboard as Emily shut the door.

She chucked one in Emily’s direction and used the other to squeeze the water from her hair as she made her way over to her go-bag she’d dropped onto the table.

She looked over her shoulder at Emily, who stood frozen, and frowned. “You okay, Prentiss?”

Emily cleared her throat and made to squeeze the water out of her own hair. “Yeah.”

Tara snorted and turned back to the bag. She rested the towel on her shoulder to free up her hands. She unzips the bag and rummages through for a moment before pulling out an old band t-shirt. She turns around and holds it up for Emily to inspect.  “This okay? It’s about all I’ve got.”

“Pardon?” Emily frowned.

“You need something to change into unless you plan on catching hypothermia and considering you didn’t have your go-bag in the SUV, you’re stuck with my clothes.”

Emily struggles to breathe. “Right.” She nods, “Uh, yeah. That’s fine.”

She steps forwards and takes the shirt from Tara. “Thanks, I’m gonna...” She points in the direction of the bathroom and without waiting for a response quickly disappears.

Once the door is shut behind her Emily proceeds to quietly freak the fuck out.

Of course, it was her luck that a storm would hit on their drive back from interviewing a perp at Arizona state prison (who they suspected of being connected to their current case). The rain was so bad Emily could hardly see the road and Tara had suggested stopping for the night and picking back up in the morning when the rain would have hopefully calmed.

Which was a smart idea, but Emily had protested up until the point the car slid and nearly drove off the side of the road.

With anyone else, this situation would be annoying but fine.

But Emily’s heart fluttered stupidly around Tara and she’d taken to telling herself multiple times a day that she was Tara’s boss and that nothing could happen.

It wasn’t helping.

“Suck it up, Prentiss.” She told herself. She’d taken down serial killers; she could handle an inconvenient crush.

Emily stripped out of her clothes, leaving only her underwear on, which thankfully hadn’t been soaked through because honestly, Emily didn’t know how she would have coped if she had had to ask Tara for some. She hung the clothes over the side of the bath to dry and slipped on Tara’s T-shirt.

It was an old Rolling Stones one, and despite her and Tara’s height difference, it barely covered her ass.

“Perfect.” She muttered, and with one last look in the shitty motel mirror, Emily opened the door and stepped back into the bedroom.

And then proceeded to nearly have a stroke.

Because Emily was painfully aware of how attractive Tara was, but she was totally not prepared to see her very long, very beautiful legs. She was wearing a vest top along with short sleep shorts, and it was just a lot of beautiful skin.

“You okay, Prentiss?” Tara asked for the second time that night, with a smirk that Emily desperately wanted to kiss off her face.

“Yeah, I, uh,” Emily scrambled for something to say, “I tried phoning Rossi to let him know what happened but there’s no cell reception.”

“I’m sure they’ll figure it out. We can leave early tomorrow so we can be back at the station for nine.” Tara said as she leant down to grab something from where it rested on the bed.

Emily managed to avert her eyes from Tara’s legs just before the women straightened up and met her gaze. She held out a chocolate bar. “Want this?”

“You have food? You’re a godsend.” Emily praised, happily accepting the bar and chucking her phone onto the bed in the process. They’d been planning on grabbing dinner when they’d gotten back to the hotel, which obviously hadn’t happened. There was no way they were going to be able to order food in this weather and Emily hadn’t eaten since lunchtime.

“Of course, you don’t keep snacks in your go-bag?” Tara’s brows raised in disbelief.

“No, but I will be from now on because that’s genius.”

Tara chuckled. “It’s not a lot. Just that chocolate bar, some trail mix, and a few nutrition bars, but they’re great for emergencies.” Tara’s lips spread into a smirk, her eyes dancing. “And apparently warding off hangry Prentiss’”

Emily scoffed. “I don’t get hangry.”

“Oh, yes you do.” Tara cackled, taking a step closer to her.

“No, I don’t!”

“Sorry, but you do.”

“I do not! Take it back!” Emily ordered, stepping forward to jab a finger at Tara.

“It’s okay Prentiss, a lot of people do.” Tara’s voice lowered, that irritating smirk still painting her lips.

“Yeah, well I’m not a lot of people!” Emily rebutted and knew her face was heating up from her proximity to Tara.

Their breath was practically mingling, and Emily desperately needed to step away. To end whatever this was.

“Oh, I’m very much aware,” Tara said in a way that couldn’t be misconstrued as anything other than flirting. Her eyes dropped to Emily’s lips as her fingers brushed her chin, angling Emily’s head upwards, bringing her mouth dangerously close to hers.

Emily couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but stare deeply into Tara’s eyes. They twinkled but there was a softness behind them, her grip was gentle on Emily’s chin giving her plenty of chance to pull away, but Emily couldn’t remember any of the reasons she should.

So, instead, she nudged her head forward and met Tara’s lips.

And Tara kissed just like she did everything else, with precision, care, and passion. Emily’s hands threaded through Tara’s hair as Tara’s hands ran down her back.

The first sweep of Tara’s tongue had Emily whimpering. Even if she was thinking clearly, she wouldn’t have been able to name a single person who’d even turned her into putty this quickly.

Emily kissed back with everything she had, fighting Tara’s tongue for dominance as they stumbled back towards the bed.

They both breathed heavily as they separated, Tara sat down on the bed and tugged Emily into her lap. Her hands ran down Emily’s side, settling on her hips. Tara stared at her with soft eyes and swollen lips and Emily thought she was the most beautiful thing in the whole world.

But as she stared at Tara her mind began to clear and the full reality of what Emily had just done hit her like a ton of bricks.

“Oh god.”  Emily gasped, eyes widening in horror. “Shit. No. Fuck. Oh god.” She scrambled out of Tara’s lap and off the bed, moving to the other side of the room to put as much space between them as possible.

“We can’t- I shouldn’t have- I-” Emily blew out a breath as she struggled to find what to say. Tara just stared at her confusion and hurt shining in her eyes.

“I’m your boss.” Emily settled on, looking at Tara with desperate eyes. “We can’t do that. We can’t be...” It hurt more than it should have. She could feel her heart cracking.

Tara stood up and approached Emily. “It’ll be okay. There are plenty of agents that have dated while being on the same team.”

Emily shook her head, “I’m your boss. It’s different. There are rules in place for a reason-”

Tara scoffed, “Yeah because of Rossi.” She tried to reach for Emily’s hand, but Emily just swatted her away. “Really, Em?” Her eyes flashed with hurt. “Look, I understand it’s not an ideal situation but are you telling me that you’re just going to be able to forget about what just happened?”

“It doesn’t matter. We’re both professionals. We don’t need to make a big deal out of this.” Emily said mostly to herself. Trying to convince herself that she hadn’t just fucked things up.

“Right. Fine.” Tara muttered, not able to hide the way it hurt. She shook her head and made to step away, but Emily’s hand flew out to stop her.

“Wait.” She waited until Tara met her eyes before releasing her wrist. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt or upset you. I shouldn’t have let myself get sucked in. I should have stepped away instead of kissing you.”

Emily wanted to make this better, to get that sad look off of Tara’s face.

Tara sighed, “It’s fine, Emily. Let’s just eat and then go to bed. It’s late and I’m tired.”

It was barely 8 o’clock but Emily didn’t want to argue so instead she nodded her head.

The tension when they ate made Emily want to scream. They spoke strictly about the team, keeping the conversation light, and steadily avoiding brushing hands as they shared the bag of trail mix. It was more exhausting than the whole of Emily’s week combined.

By the time she crawled into bed, Emily was ready to hide under the covers and not come out for at least a week. She hated to think of what the next girls’ night would be like...

Tara turned the lights off, plunging the room into darkness before sliding into the bed. “Night.” She murmured.

“Goodnight.”

Emily rolled onto her side, facing away from the other women and tried to fall asleep.

The silence lasted for barely fifteen minutes before Tara sat back up, turned the lamp on and said, “You know what, It’s not fine.”

Emily rolled back over and sat up, wincing at the frustration in Tara’s face.

“You feel something too, right? This wasn’t just about sex. There’s something between us and I don’t want to ignore it just because of some bullshit fraternisation rules that only exist because Rossi is incapable of keeping it in his pants.”

“There are rules for a reason. What if something was to happen in the field, I wouldn’t be able to be objective. If I had to discipline you for a reason it would fuck with our relationship, and plus it would mess with your career if people knew you were sleeping with the boss.” Emily closed her eyes, blowing out a breath before looking at Tara with a pained smile. “I feel it too, okay? I-”

“Then stop fighting it,” Tara ordered. “I don’t care about any of that. We’ll make it work because I really like you Emily and I’m so tired of pretending I don’t.”

Emily’s body melted. Tara reached out and caressed her cheek causing Emily’s eyes to flutter close as she leaned into the contact.

“Let’s just give us a chance,” Tara whispered.

Emily opened her eyes, looking at Tara with adoration and love...because that’s what it was. It wasn’t an inconvenient crush or simple infatuation; Emily had fallen in love with Tara and there was no way of fighting that without breaking her own heart and possibly Tara’s in the process.

Emily steeled herself with a deep breath. “Okay.”

Tara’s eyes lit up in delight and Emily found the sight adorable.

“But we have to stay professional at work.”

“Yes, boss.” Tara teased before leaning in and meeting Emily in a soft kiss.

Emily hummed against her lips, “You’re gonna be the end of me, Tara Lewis.”

Tara chuckled, “Not if I can help it.”

She leaned back in and met Emily’s lips. After a few minutes, Emily groaned causing Tara to pull away with an amused look. “What?”

“I’m just imagining the teasing I’m going to receive from Rossi and JJ when they find out.”

“Well, let’s not think about that now.” She kissed Emily again.

“Yeah, you got a better idea?” Emily hummed in between kisses.

“I’ve got a few.”

Emily slid her hand up to Tara’s neck, dragging her in close and kissing the smirk off her face. Tara mewed and Emily just kissed her deeper, dragging her body down to hers and letting the rest of the world fade away as she focused solely on the beautiful woman on top of her.

taglist: @xrainydazeteax

[issabangtanfic]

[Jungkook] The Windmill House (Chapter 12)

Synopsis: When your stereotypical Christian Grey meets his not so stereotypical Anna

Masterlist

Pairing: Jungkook x OC

A/N: Feel free to submit a cover! Tell me what you think in my inbox! Enjoy!

- 

Honestly, after seeing Mrs Choi for the first time, I had no idea she would be one of those eccentric client who asks for a ridiculously edgy concept for her home.

It's always the most normal-looking ones...

I look away from the blueprints spread across my desk when I hear my phone buzzing. When I check I see it's a text message from Sidney.

Squidney : Wanna come home for your lunch break? I made lasagna

Her text makes me smile a little. We haven't been talking much ever since that fight after the inauguration party.

She made me feel like I was the unstable kid no one in the family trusts to take care of themselves. And honestly it's probably true that no one trusts me, but I feel like my words are not going to prove anything so I just have been focusing on work and not talking to her very much.

This text is definitely a truce appeal. And I don't like not talking to Sidney, but at the same time I don't know how to feel about the fact that every time I will tell her anything about Mr.Jeon or any other man she will probably disapprove, but not tell me so we don't fight. 

I’m scared of the hypocrisy.

“A windmill house?”

When I look up from my phone, I see Joon who had been brainstorming with me this morning, flipping through my folder.

“Focus.” I tell him, snatching it from his hands before he can find the contract I just printed out for Mr.Jeon.

I don't know how to make a contract so I just used one of our standard ones and put my name on it.

“In London?” He inquiries, sounding excited. I know right?! But I can’t be talking about this with you.

“Namjoon.” I admonish.

“Okay.” He gives up, sliding off my desk and looking back at the blueprints.

“I can give you an alcove, but not windows.” He says, pointing at the kitchen area. Wait what?

“I thought that was doable.” I retort.

“It is, but we’d need to restucture the entiere building. We don’t have the budget nor permission for it.” He explains. Well, he could just have said no when I asked him!

“Okay.” I murmur. So without concave windows. we're going to have to create the roundness inside the apartment.

“Don’t sulk.” I hear Joon coo next to me. 

“I’m not, I’m thinking.” I reply, retracting my pout and releasing my frown.

“Move the pantry here.” I propose, pointing at the space between two windows. One's in the kitchen, the other in the living-room.

“Here?” He doesn't sound convinced.

“We can use the gap between the old and new partitions as storage. And put the alcove here. It’ll be the limit between the kitchen and the living room." I explain. At this point I don't see any other option.

“That I can do. That’s actually a great idea.” Joon nods. Cool!

“Good Job.” He compliments, fist bumping me before exiting my office. Once I'm alone, I quickly text Sidney back.

Me: Lasagna sounds great, syl

I’m back home by 12:30, and when I open the door the delicious smell of cooking meat invades my nostrils. Just as I close the door, Juno trots up to me with her tail wagging happily. 

"Hi Juno!" I beam at her, kneeling to scratch her head. She looks so cute with her little blue bandana around her neck. She barks hello, and I drop a kiss on between her eyes.

When I walk further in, I find Sydney tying her hair up in a bun with a chopstick behind the kitchen counter.  The table is set for two.

"Hi." She smiles at me.

"Mmmmmh... lasagna!" I sing, tossing my bag on the couch. I join her in the kitchen and kneel in front of the oven. "Smells amazing." I observe. The lasgna is almost ready, I can see the meat juices bubbling under the cheese. She really makes the best lasagna.

"Thank you for the food, Sidney." I thank her, standing up and pecking her cheek.

"You're welcome." She hums, and even though we still haven’t talked about our fight, I know I can’t stay mad at her. 

Since everything is set and all that’s missing is the lasagna, we both sit down at the table and open a beer.

"We haven't been hanging out much so this is great." I say after we clink our bottles.

"I know, I wanted to say I'm sorry." She replies, looking at me with sad eyes.

"It's fine, really. I know you're just looking out for me." I counter. It was a silly argument. Ultimately, I understand her. I wish she didn’t think this way, but I understand where this is coming from, and I can’t be expecting anything else from her. Or anyone from my family.

"No, I'm sorry for making you think I don't trust you." She argues. "I'm just scared."

"Listen, I know how similar these two men are. Trust me, it's been weird for me too." I say reassuringly. "But somehow he hasn't made me feel how I'd be feeling before." I add. "Quite the opposite actually."

I frown as the words leave my mouth. It’s only hitting me now that in a way, Mr.Jeon is nothing like the type of man he looks like. I have all these preconceptions about him, and while he still hasn’t proved me wrong, I can’t say I feel like I’m right about him yet.

"And I don't know what to do about it." I mutter to myself, drowning half of my sentence in the neck of my bottle. There’s a moment of silence, where Syd seems to be hesitating to speak.

"I just don't want to lose you again." She admits after a beat. I know everything comes down to that. I reach across the table and grab both of her hands.

"I know. And whatever happens I'm not letting him or anyone pull me away from my family." I affirm, looking straight into her eyes. "It's not happening again." I promise. She smiles and nods, seemingly reassured.

"You know," She trails off, rmoving her hands from mine and resting her chin on her palm. After all this time you've been part of my family, I still didn't think you liked Asians."

"What the hell?” I laugh out loud. This girl!

"I don't know, I just never thought of it." She giggle with me. I shake my head at her as our laughter fades.

"Promise me you're being careful." She demands quietly.

"I am being careful, Sidney." I promise.  "You know, what made me really mad the other day was…”I pause, looking for the right words. "That somehow you think I didn't learn my lesson?"

"No, that's not what I think." She shakes her head vigorously. "I just-" She pauses and thinks for a second. "I trust you, but I worry still." She says.

I’m not expecting any less from her.

"I think..." She trails off, but chokes on her words, and her eyes become shiny with fresh tears. Oh, no!

"Sidney, come on." I scold as she blinks her tears away.

"Shut up, let me talk." She snaps, aborting the waterworks. She sighs deeply, her eyes still very wet. I hate seeing her like this.

"I think seeing you with a man brings back a lot of memories." She explains, her voice still shaking. "Your therapist said your first relationship after B-"

"Woah woah woah, who talked about a relationship?" I stop her dead in her tracks. I understand her worry, but I’m not trying to date anyone. Yes, Mr.Jeon and I are flirting, but we both know what to expect.

"Even a quick shag, she said it's bound to bring back memories." She argues.

"I told you, he still hasn't made me feel like that." I retort.

"I know, and that's great." She says. "But we also had our own trauma that me and your parents and everyone else went through." She argues.

"And obviously it's not as dramatic as it sounds but,” She says, shaking her head. "Knowing that you're potentially seeing someone, it kinda feels like PTSD." She says to me.

"I understand." I reply. I guess, neither me nor my family is prepared for me seeing someone again. After all, it’s something that I hadn’t thought of in a while, not even once.

“And if I feel unprepared for you being out there again, imagine how your parents will react.” Sydney adds.

“I’d rather not.” I reply. Honestly I’d rather stay single.

“It’s going to feel so sudden for them, because they’re not even witnessing the talking stages-“

“I’m not dating this man.” I remind her. I won’t have to introduce anyone to my parents for still a very long time!

“Still.” She retorts. “It’s going to be difficult for them. And they’re probably going to make you feel worse than I did.” She says as a warning. She’s right. My parents will probably reject anyone I bring home out of pure protectiveness, without even trying to get to know them.

“But always out of love for you.” She adds. My mind is reeling. Me getting a boyfriend will be such a headache.

“Let’s postpone the moment as much as possible then.” I sigh, grabbing my beer. “Shagging only.” I toast, and it’s like a promise at this pont. Sydney laughs at me, but still mimics me.

“Shagging only.” She repeats after me.

- 

After a rather calm day at work, I drive down to Mr.Jeon's office in the City. It's a place I've never been to in the 2 years I've been living here in London, because why would I? I earn half of what the worst paid people here make.

My red mini doesn't fit between this tall grey skyscrapers, Mercedes and Audi's around me.

Mr.Jeon told me to park in the underground parking lot after announcing myself to the guard, before going to the first floor to announce myself again. The building is almost empty as it is past working hours.

After getting clearance, I'm escorted by a pretty brunette up to the 17th and last floor. I pass countless empty offices, until my guide stops in front of the sole lit up room. The wall is glass, so I can see about a dozen people inside.

"Mr.Jeon is in a meeting right now." The woman informs me. "You can wait for him right here."

She points at two chairs in the hallway placed by a closed office, right across from the meeting room.

"Thank you." I smile politely at her before taking a seat. The chair happens to be placed near the back of the meeting room, where I finally spot Mr.Jeon, sat down at the end of the table.

The motion of me sitting down catches his attention. He looks outside and spots me. I give him a smile and a slight nod to say hello. He smiles back to me, before reaching in his pocket and pulling his phone out. He starts typing, and I receive a text seconds later.

Mr.Jeon : You're early.

No, he’s late.

Me : I didn't want you to fire me again. 

I type back, press send and look up to dee his reaction. He smirks, looked amused as he types his answer.

Mr.Jeon : I would never. He writes back, followed by:

Mr.Jeon : You look very pretty today.

I purse my lips to stifle the unwanted smile creeping on my face. He's probably looking at me to watch me swoon and melt at his comment, but I won't give him this satisfaction.

When I look up, his eyes aren't on me. He's back into his meeting, looking straight ahead at the different numbers on  screen across the table.

Me : Texting during a meeting? I reply, deciding not to acknowledge the compliment. When he gets the notifications, he makes a quick matter of his response.

Mr.Jeon : Take the compliment. 

Oh this feels like an order. This man would love to boss me around.

Me : I don't like your tone. I retort.

When he sees my text, his head immediately turns to me, his eyebrows raised and his eyes challenging.

I shrug a shoulder, indicating I don't care if he doesn't like what he just read.

The corner of his mouth jerks a little, and he rolls his tongue against his cheek to refrain a smile, before looking back at his phone. I receive a text shortly after.

Mr.Jeon : Take the compliment, please. 

Me: No.

When he gets the text, his eyes shoot up at me, and he slowly shakes his head, seemingly amused.

But he doesn't reply. He instead focuses on the words being said inside the room. I watch as he suddenly frowns, and then start flipping through a pile of paper he has in front of him.

I don't hear what he's saying but he looks confused and slightly annoyed. He tells something to the man presenting, clearly reproachful.

Me: What's the meeting about? I ask out of curiousness. He doesn't look at my text until the issue is settled and his employee gives him a satisfying answer.

I'm already scrolling through my Instagram timeline when I get his response. Three texts in a row.

Mr.Jeon : Boring stuff 

Mr.Jeon : And finances

Mr.Jeon : What are you doing tonight?

Of course he'd ask. I smile at my phone.

Me: I don't think it's any of your business.

Mr.Jeon : Why do you assume I'm asking for unprofessional purposes?

Me: Because you probably are

Mr.Jeon : I wish Maya

Me: It’s Miss Fair for you

Mr.Jeon : Are you staying for dinner, Miss Fair?

Me: I'll have to decline...

I'm only declining to play hard to get. I would love to have dinner with him. Heck, I know I would want to take it even further. But I should be careful. I just promised Sid.

Mr.Jeon sits up first, buttoning his dark blue suit and signaling the end of the meeting. It is now 7:15. Everyone in the meeting follows, gets up and packs up, while Mr.Jeon exits the room first. I rise from my seat.

"Miss Fair." He greets me once he’s at my level.

"Hello, Mr. Jeon." I smile it him, extending my hand.

"Sorry for making you wait." He says to me, taking my hand shanking it.

"No worries." I reply, very well aware of the female employee taking her sweet time exiting the meeting room so she can stare at me. Does everyone in his company want to fuck him? Probably honestly.

“Long day?” I ask him. I can’t imagine having meetings until seven.

“Indeed. And you’ve already made it better.” He replies, successfully earning a chuckle from me.

"I have that effect on people sometimes." I shoot back.

"It's not the only one you have." He concurs. Oh, please. 

“Let me show you to my office.” He invites, before guiding me down the hall to the door at the very end of the corridor.

After tying a code, Mr.Jeon opens the door that leads into his office. 

It's a big, almost empty room. The back wall is entirely glass, making for a sweet landscape painting of downtown London. He has a rather small desk, with a leather ergonomic chair and two other ones placed across from him. As I walk further in, I notice a black leather sofa against the wall near the door, a chest of drawers and storage spaces and a sad single tall plant.

"This place is so sad." The words are out before I can understand how rude they are. I spin around to face Mr.Jeon, who is closing the door behind us. He's frowning at me.

"I'm sorry." I stutter, feeling my cheeks heat up. 

"I mean empty." I correct myself. He pauses for a second, and I believe the quick exhale of air he does after that is a quiet chuckle.

"I don't spend that much time here." He says in a way of explaining. "But I'll be happy to have you work on my office as well." He adds. This man always has his goal in mind.

"I'll think about it." I reply evasively.

“Have a seat.” He invites. I sit my butt on on the chair and watch him walk over to the left side of the room. 

“Would you like something to drink?” He proposes. Thats when I realize the storage spaces I saw where built-in furniture.

“You have a fridge in your office?” I don't know why I'm so amazed.

“I also have a bathroom with a shower and the sofa’s convertible.” He replies. A bathroom?

“You spend nights here?” I ask him.

“Sometimes." He answers simply. Woah. "Wine?” He offers. 

This man is always trying to get me drunk! Or maybe he's just trying to make me stay.

“I just need a quick signature.” I decline politely.

“Where’s the rush? Aren’t you off work?” He retorts.

“I am, but I'm not drinking tonight Mr.Jeon."

"Okay." He doesn't push, and instead closes the fridge and walks back to me. He takes place in his seat while I fish into my bag looking for my folder.

“This is the contract I prepared for you.” I announce once I've found it. I pull it out and place it on the table.

“This is just a standard contract from Union, I just put my name on it.” I explain, flipping through the first four page until I find the one where my payment is mentioned. I flip the document around and slide it across the table to he can read, but he doesn't even look at it, just watches me with intent. I tap down on the page.

“Fifteen percent.” I point out, since it’s the percentage we’ve agreed on. He doesn’t even look down at where I’m pointing at, just keeps staring at me with this cheeky smile of his.

“Where do I sign?” He asks me. This man, I swear. 

I sigh in order to try and hide my amusement.

“I thought you needed to read it through.” I remind him.

“I changed my mind.” He retorts. Oh, I’m sure he hadn’t planned on reading anything in the first place… It’s so annoying that his cheesy tactics still make my stomach feel funny.

I break the eye contact first, looking at the contract while I flip all the pages. “You can sign here, and here.” I indicate him. I watch him as he clicks his pen and scribbles onto the paper. 

“Thank you very much.” I say, grabbing the papers and putting them back in the folder.

“Anything else I can do for you?” He asks as I put back in my purse.

“I think I have everything I need.” I smile at him.

“Can I make a request, then?” He enquires, joining his hands on the table.

“Are you going to ask me to have dinner with you?”

“Will you say yes?”

“No.”

“Then no, that’s not my request.” He brushes off, shrugging. Oh?

“What can I do for you?” I ask him, resting my chin onto my fist.

“Can you answer my question as honestly as possible?” He asks, leaning a little bit closer to me.

“Sure.” I reply, hoping he's not going to be too indiscreet.

"That time when you called me after the inauguration of the Manor." He trails off. Oh, lord.

"What would have happened had I said yes?" He asks me. I take a second to remember the mindset I was in that night.

I was definitely very tipsy, but I also was very horny.

"I think we would've set a date." I reply."And after sobering up I would've chickened out probably." I say, because let's be realistic.

"Mmh..." He nods, still trying to read something in my eyes. Why is he asking me that anyways?

"Do you regret not accepting the offer?" I ask him. He's probably getting impatient. After all the farthest he's ever gone with me is touching my neck.

"I'm wondering what was different that night." He replies. "You were a lot more...open."

Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.

"Part of it was because of the alcohol." I argue.

"I figured." He says to me. "I was hoping it wasn't only that." He murmurs a little more quietly.

I stare at him for a second. Why does this small, unused part of my brain think he's actually trying with me?

"Can you answer my question?" I counter, mimicking him and joining my hands.

"Sure." 

"Promise to be honest?"

He smiles a little when I say that, and his gaze grows warm.

"I promise." He murmurs softly.

"How many women are you sleeping with?"

"Zero." He replies immediately. OH SURE!

He doesn't even try to come up with a credible number. Why did I think he would actually tell me the truth in the first place.

I roll my eyes to the heavens, leaning back against my seat in disappointment.

"Maya." He chuckles, pushing himself off of his desk.

"I have been working since seven in the morning. I've had five meetings, no lunch break, and I have a flight tomorrow morning for Dubai where I'll have to meet 13 potential clients in less than four days," He says to me, slowly circling his desk so he's closer to me.

"All while attending boring society functions and pretending I care about how many cars my investors have." He says, leaning against his desk when he's right next to me.

"I don't have time for more than one woman, but most importantly I don't have time for lies." He reassures me. I don't know if I believe that, but that does sound like a busy schedule. I don't see how he could fit multiple women in there. 

"Why waste your precious time on me then?" I sass, because why not? I cross my arms over my chest and lift a challenging eyebrow at him.

"I wouldn't do it if I considered it a waste of my time." He mimics me.

"Then why?" I ask, and he pauses for a second.

"I'm not sure." He says, shrugging. Oh.

There is a knock on the door that interrupts our discussion. Mr.Jeon slips off his desk and goes over to open it. I turn around out of curiosity, to see who’s behind the door. It’s his assistant Jimin.

"Yes, Jimin?" Mr.Jeon says to him. His assistant's eyes quickly scan the background and land on me. He then looks back at Mr.Jeon.

"Am I bothering?" He asks him.

"Be quick." Mr.Jeon replies. I might as well get ready to leave. I was just supposed to get a signature tonight. Chatting and flirting is fun, but it's getting late.

"Paul confirmed eight thirty tonight. Here are your keys." I hear Jimin explain to him while I look away.

"Thank you, Jimin." 

"You're welcome. Goodnight." He says, and just like that he's gone. I get up from my seat and swing my bag over my shoulder.

When I turn around Mr.Jeon is is standing by the open door.

"You're leaving?" He asks me.

"Don't you have a date at eight thirty?" I remind him, joining him at the door. "With Paul?" I tease, making him chuckle.

"A date with Paul?" He laughs, opening the door for me. "He's not really my type." He says as I step out.

"And he's my personal trainer if you're wondering." I hear him add as he closes the door behind us.

"And you were ready to go have dinner with me?" I challenge as we walk down the corridor towards the elevators. 

 "I'll trade a workout with Paul for dinner with you anytime." He says smoothly, looking down at me. I huff out a laugh, shaking my head.

Once we get to the elevators, I press the call button.

"Why are you asking? Have you changed your mind about dinner?" He asks me. 

"Not yet." I reply, turning to face him. He's standing closer to me than I expected.

He lets out a long sigh, shoving his hands in his pockets. I'm feeling playful.

"You could convince me." I tease, shrugging a shoulder. Just as I say these words, the doors to the elevator open.

"Convince you?" He repeats, his interest peaked. We step inside the elevator.

"How long do I have?" He asks me as I lean against the wall, grabbing the railing behind me. He goes to the opposite side to press the basement floor button.

"Just an elevator ride." I challenge just as the doors close on the both of us and the elevator starts moving down. An incredibly sexy smirk creeps across his face when I say that.

"What game are you playing right now, Maya?" He asks, eyes playful, taking a slow step towards me.

"I'm giving you a chance." I shrug, as he slowly approches me. I feel like he's going to jump me any second.

I should get him off his high horses.

"But you have to convince me..." I trail off, catching him trying to pull his hands out of his pockets.

"Without touching me." I murmur, when he's inches away from me. I swallow, all my confidence slowly leaving me. My eyes travel between his eyes and his lips.

Even though I just told him not to touch me, if he kisses me right now, I don't know what I'd do with myself.

"Without touching you." He repeats, looking both confused and amused. I nod, because I don't trust my voice to be steady enough. 

I feel the elevator slow down prematurely, indicating an impromptu stop. Mr.Jeon steps back, and that's when I realize I kind of had stopped breathing.

I straighten my back and turn away from him as the elevator comes to a full stop. The door open onto a man pushing a cleaning cart. A janitor.

After stiff greetings, the employee pushes his cart in, taking place right between me and Mr.Jeon.

Well, there goes whatever was going to happen there.

The ride down is silent, and it seems like the storage room is on the basement floor as well because that's where we all get off.

Mr.Jeon and I let him walk off while we linger in front of the elevators. My mini also happens to be parked right in front of us.

When our eyes finally meet after he's gone, we're both tempted to laugh.

"You failed." I observe, facing him.

"Well, there wasn't much I could do, was there?" He chuckles. True, true. I wish I could know he was going to say... or do to me.

"Maybe next time?" I say, well aware of the inviting tone of my voice.

"Maybe." He nods.

"Have a safe trip." I add over my shoulder, walking over to my car.

"Thank you, Maya. Get home safe." He replies, watching me get in and drive off.

[pixie-cocaine]

ATEEZ Reaction To: Catching them off-guard by being naked

Hii, I've noticed your requests are open. And i've been seeing your Ateez reactions recently, which are amazing. :D I just wondered, do you think you could do an Ateez reaction where their S.O. walks into the room naked while they are playing a game, working on music etc? (Kind of like that new Tik tok trend going around atm) x

Guuurl, sorry I waited so long to actually do something about this ask lol, but hopefully this will make you happy :)

Songs Listened To: X by CODE KUNST + LEE HI, FXXK It by BIGBANG, Dante’s Creek by THEY + DEAN, Baby Don’t Stop by NCT, Love Talk - Wayv, A Little Death by The Neighborhood

Hongjoong ♡:

• This man was straight vibing and your sneaky ass just HAD to do something

• “Joong.”

• “Yeah?” he didn’t look up from the small journal, with which he was jotting down lyrics for a future song he was to produce for

• He kept his eyes trained on the pages

• And uh-uh, that wouldn’t do 😤

• You rolled your eyes and waltzed over to the boy, putting a hand on the shoulder of the chair so you could swing him around to face you, an eyebrow raised

• “Look at me.”

• And he sure as hell did dafdsaffwq

• Face said :O

• Doesn’t matter how many times he sees your nude body, still looks like a kid in a candy store lol

• To say he was completely distracted would be a huge understatement

• Hanky panky in his mini studio? Yessir

Seonghwa ♡:

• Looking at this gif and listening to a slowed sexy song is gonna kill me istg

• Also, who let him act like a little hoe in their comeback? Keep your shirt down, mister, it’s not safe

• Gorl has nothing to do in his sparetime because he’s not too big of a gAMeR, but he does like to play phone games when he’s especially bored

• Would probably be playing like fuckin uhhhh candy crush or something when you said “lemme do sum a lil crazy 😌💅“

• You were kinda just curious to see what his reaction would be if you showed up witcha tiddies out

• So you got out the shower and half-assedly threw on a silk robe that Hwa got you for your birthday, not tying it or anything, but rather letting it slip off your damp shoulders while the front sat open and displayed your body for all to see

• His reaction when you leant against the doorframe and fake pouted?

• Immediate 📉

• Everday and night he’s gon chase you frfr

• “C’mere...,” He’d mumble, tossing his phone to the side 

• Level thirty-seven could wait ;)

Yunho ♡:

• Playing pc games at home is one of his favorite things to do (He’s even said so)

• PC games are his go-to when he gets bored of console

• So he’s constantly in his lil gaming room so that if you’re ever sleeping, he doesn’t wake you up

• He was on a multiuplayer session of Valorant when you decided to ruin his gaymer grind

• F in the chat boys

• “Yunho?”

• “Yes?” He stops his hastily typed directions to his game buddies in favor of giving you a quick glance from his chair, and has to look over again to make sure he's seeing things right

• Yeah, he was definitely seeing the pretty rise of your breasts and smoothness of your thighs, revealed from the towel now on the floor, right. Especially the way both of those lovely attributes were becoming larger as you approached him

• "W-woah!" He rushes to shield his eyes, though you only giggle and swivel his chair around in order to straddle him, removing his hands from his face

• "What? Am I too repulsive to?"

• "No! No it's just...," Yunho trails off, letting out a shaky breath and trying his best to not stare so obviously. Literally just paying attention at anything but what you wanted him to

• You only grin, tilting his chin to you face you head-on, "It's ok to look, baby. Don't be so shy"

• a forgotten game and heated chair sex is what would lead to your surprise

• kiss kiss for baby 😘

Yeosang ♡:

• We need more Yeosang gifs, this is ridiculous y'all ;(. Also, we're just... Not gonna talk about San on the side 💀

• Oh oh! And Yeosang getting bolder on stage is my favorite thing

• soooo snowboarding

• Yeosang said he likes to do that in his free time

• He'd just got a new custom board, which the front had lovely baby blue dripping forest face and the meaning of his name painted in black for the back, "Sound Resonating From A High Point."

• He was waxing it in the kitchen with it sat atop the island for easier space when he felt your arms slide around his waist, to which he smiled at, still continuing his work

• "Hello there," he mused

• "Baby, what would you do if I told you I was naked?"

• bitch hUH??

• He really did not waste time with turning in your hold and IMMEDIATELY looking down to see what you're wearing

• He chuckles upon , giving a cat whistle before bending down to set you on top of the counter

• "What's this for?"

• "Bored," you purse your lips, allowing yourself to lean back on your forearms as you spread your legs, "And you seemed like a good time-passer"

• Yeosang hums, falling to his knees easily enough and pulling you towards the edge of the island, then presses an affectionate kiss to your inner thigh

• "Fair enough"

San ♡:

• San likes to spiffy up on his English, which is still pretty hard for him even if you assure him that he's doing just fine when he speaks it around your family

• That being said, you'll sometimes catch him at the table with a textbook in front of him and a language journal by the side that he uses to write small romanizations

• You were particularly bored today. And damn, was San looking good with his messy black hair and shirtless torso. He never really did wear shirts around the house.

• "Sannie," You sang from the doorframe, fresh out of the shower and a bit sexually frustrated considering San hadn't touched you for a couple weeks due to your busy schedule

• He hummed in acknowledgement, jotting something down in the journal as he alternated between both the book and notebook

• You knew he was busy but his English really wasn't bad, so it didn't need to be now. It could wait a bit longer

• Sighing, you drop the towel from your body and fling it at San, which makes him jump and pull it from off of his head, looking towards you immediately and gasping

• You put a hand on your hip, giggling at how he tries to calm himself down

• lol goofy boy

• "C'mon, I know you're tired, I can help you relax," you gesture with a finger in a beckoning motion, and like he was already planning on it, he hops up from his seat and follows you back to the bedroom

• sorry if this was kinda boring lol, let's just San could have literally any reaction and frankly, this is probably the most tame he would be

Mingi ♡:

• Like Yunho in a lot of ways

• He does like to play games (probably PC, too), so you already know he'd be mashing that controller in the living room lol

• "Aww man, are you kidding me!?"

• Mingi gets shy, especially when it comes to you, so when you decided it'd be a good idea to step in front of the screen while he was playing Zelda with the towel around your body held open, he was a visual representation of keyboard mashing

• "Woah—Ohmygod-" [insert Minnie baby accidentally throwing his controller in his haste to cover his eyes]

• "You don't want me?" You ask, pouting and tilting your head

• His response is spreading two of the fingers across his eyes to peek, nodding his head frantically but trying to find the right words so he doesn't make you sad, "You just scared me is all! I don't wanna be rude by looking when you don't want me to or anything..."

• He takes his fingers away to hold them out instead, making grabby hands until you smile and crawl into them, in turn, climbing on top of his lap and letting him press his face into the valley between your breasts so he could kiss the skin there while looking at you

• "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea," he mumbles, nuzzling his head farther down

• "No baby, you're fine," You reassure him with a hand ruffling the strands of his hair

• sweet hanky panky alert 🚨 sweet hanky panky alert 🚨

Wooyoung ♡:

• it's the large ass gif of Woo and his ponytail for me

• Oh and yeah, I know this doesn't quite fit theme of YOU walking in on them to flash your boobies but you're gonna keep your mouth shut and pretend it does 😏

• Another gamer.. damn this is getting repetitive

• hmmm

• Dance practice it is! 😃

• Woo doesn't like repeatedly practicing the same moves over and over again, but he did like the progress he made with each re-do, so he supposes he'll bear with the exhaustion

• Well.. obviously not now, because he's just walking through the bedroom door when he finally registers that you're sitting on the bed, lying on your stomach and scrolling through your phone with a leg raising your body go the side

• You snap your head to look at him, "Ah, there you are," you grin, pushing yourself up to a sitting position, "Thought you were gonna come home late again"

• Wooyoung let's out a snort as he closes the door behind him and drops his dance bag to the side, already taking his inky black hair out of the ponytail it was previously in and shaking it loose

• "What a nice surprise"

Jongho ♡:

• No thoughts, only buff babie

• And how he sung "sex in the morning baby" with a scary amount of aggression

• lol it makes sense that sweetie likes to play racing games on his computer

• LITerally so precious ;(

• Same trope (yes I'm a disappointment); Jongie plopped onto his lil chair with a fluffy blanket around his shoulders and headphones on that cute little head of his

• He said "I love playing car games, vroom vroom y'all 😤"

• And you said "I love playing surprise games, yes yes 😈"

• Gorl, when I tell you he squeaked out of surprise at how you turned his chair around to face you ;(

• "Uhh... Am I- Am I supposed to be looking?" He stammers, eyebrows raised and eyes locked on your bare front

• "By all means, baby," you purr, shaking your head with a familiar fondness at the boy in awe before you

• Just like Joong, he never tires of seeing you naked. He loves looking at you when you're nude, because it's when he can appreciate all aspects of you

• "Hang on, let me pause the game, I'll meet you in the bedroom"

• Getting intimate with Jongho is quite easy. He'll pretty much always say yes to sex, and it's pretty casual when you hint at it

[pollenat]

SEVENTEEN and 5 ways to say I love you

S.COUPS

Droplets of water resting on his cheeks, reflecting moonlight. The rain has surprised you on an evening walk, and right now you’re standing by the crosswalk, his arms holding the coat above your heads while he stares at the red light. You should be shivering and getting annoyed at the discomfort of wet clothes, but you can’t stop staring at his ethereal side profile.

A gentle smile blossoming on his face whenever you compliment him. It’s so powerful, you can never stare at it long enough. He may say “Of course, I know that.”, but that doesn’t make him any less happy. And when you tell him how great he is in the tough moments, Seungcheol doesn’t respond. Instead, he hides his head under your chin, where he is always welcome to regain confidence and comfort.

Kissing him goodbye when he stops the car by your house. It’s lingering, your arms embracing one another to keep it going as long as possible. Neither of you are ready to part ways, despite the late hour. His hands press at your lower back, and after long minutes of being entwined, you pull away with sadness matching his eyes. Seungcheol grabs you once again, for one last kiss, and then finally lets go, his eyes following you until you disappear inside.

Taking a step back when his voice raises. It’s different - an irritating blaring alarm compared to the sweetness of his usual tone. His eyes are also strange. So stark, you feel the pain they’re meant to inflict. But the hurt doesn’t make you close in on yourself. Instead, it’s like a log to your fire. You need to stand up to it, fuel the useless aggression, even if it will burn you in the end.

Carefully spreading the blues of a face mask on his face. His eyes are closed, and open only when you can’t stop yourself from laughing any longer. “What’s so funny?” you genuinely want to explain, but another look at the numerous pigtails sticking out in different directions forces you to hide in one of his shoulders. “What did you do to my face?” his question is trying to be humorous, but the terror is all too evident in it.

JEONGHAN

The sight of snow covering every surface possible. His voice when he complains about the cold. The redness of his nose poking above the scarf you’re tying around his neck. “You’re being embarrassing.”, but Jeonghan fails at hiding his smile behind the material. He doesn’t know his eyes are betraying him. “Yeah I know”, you answer him, now indifferent to the teasing.

Tired smile decorating his face when he visits you in the evening of your birthday. Training clothes crumpled, hair a mess, shoelaces untied and tucked into the sides. You tell him he didn’t have to, he’s done enough for you and needs rest. But truth be told, you’re selfishly happy to have him here. “If it’s for you, I don’t mind giving up few hours of sleep.” he says with calm certainty.

The times you have to wait for him to acknowledge you because of a petty fight. He’s not the person to back down from one, and you sometimes feel like pulling your fingers out from the amount of frustration you’re going through. You know he’ll eventually relent, let you in, lock you in a tight embrace, if only to ask why didn’t you say anything sooner. You’ll want to pick up the fight again, but what for?

Pieces of clothing he deliberately leaves at your place, so he can tease you whenever you put them on. “I was wondering where it disappeared.” “But you-” “It’s okay. I know how good I smell.” “Jeonghan-” “Shh, you can hold on to it for now.” As much as you want to argue, you end the fight with an angry sigh.

The smell of grass during a sunny day. Tree bark imprinting itself on your back, and Jeonghan’s head weighing down your thigh, his breath calm. There’s no doubt - he’s asleep. The guy could doze off anywhere. Somewhere in the back, a guitarist is playing for tips, light melody mixing with distant chatter. Your hands put away the book, tired of holding it in the air. Instead, you let the strands of Jeonghan’s hair entertain you.

JOSHUA

The cheesiness of slow-dancing in a room illuminated by the moon only. A song you came to like is playing, and Joshua’s voice joins the singer every now and then, before he stops himself. You’d rather listen to him singing. He laughs at the idea. “Don’t be cheesy!” but he can be?

Helping him fix his tie and collar before going to theater. His chin is pointing upwards, but his eyes are set on your face. You aren’t sure what he’s looking for, and the constant observation makes you self-conscious. “Why are you staring at me?” the question makes him smile. You take note of that, but remain busy with the tie. “Just admiring my beautiful plus one.”

Sitting by the table, him in front of you. It’s night time, and you’re both tired. It’s crazy how despite a hectic day, Joshua has managed to make you dinner. “Oh, this? It’s nothing!” was what he said after putting the plates of a complicated dish down. You can’t help, but smile to yourself in silence. Joshua’s foot nudges your underneath the table, and you look up to see him frowning questioningly. “It’s delicious.” has him smiling proudly.

The movie being just a background noise, neither of you interested in what it has to present. Not when you’re cuddled on the sofa, almost (!) sleeping. Joshua has his head tucked under your jaw. His breathing is regular and warm on your neck.Your fingers get tangled in the longer hairs on the top of his head. Eyes finally closing, the last thing you register is the characteristic smell of his shampoo.

Seeing his shoulders closing in on him. Head down, eyes empty, lips shut tight. Your approaching footsteps have no effect on his stature. He’s sitting still in his pose. A hand on his shoulder ends up shaken off. Words directed at him earn no response. After what feels like forever of standing dumbfounded by his side, you take a step back and leave him be. Maybe he needs space. Maybe he will call for you when he’s ready. Maybe, maybe, maybe. One thing is sure - you do feel a little hurt by rejection.

JUN

The weight of his hand on your shoulder when you’re standing in a crowded space. It’s a bit suffocating, you can’t lie. Having Junhui’s protective arm embracing you forces your attention to focus on his presence instead. He can’t bring himself to look at you, sure you’ll tease him. Still, he can feel your admiring glances. “I know, I’m very chivalrous.” leaves his mouth before he can bite his tongue. “Don’t ruin the moment.” “Okay.”

Kissing your forehead numerous times when he notices it’s warm. His jumper is already on your chest, shyly given earlier after you commented the weather. Jun’s cold hand rests on your cheek to check its temperature too. After one last peck he finally declares “You have a fever.” in a bewildered tone.

Opening your phone’s gallery to twenty new selfies that Junhui has taken when you weren’t nearby. They’re almost all the same, but you can’t bring yourself to delete any. Even if it means he gets teasing material. “Obviously, I’m just too good-looking, right babe?” “Oh my god, yes you are, Junhui.” “Exactly.”

A noodle hanging from his mouth, and the suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. You think of the scene that the two of you saw the day before - the connection is obvious. Jun smiles when you hesitate to follow his lead, proud to bring your cheeks the warmth of embarrassment. Then he chokes on the noodle, because you decided to strike back and take the other end in your mouth. As if he was the only one allowed to tease in your relationship.

How odd it is to see him indifferent and actually nervous around you. There’s a fear that it might’ve cemented the incoming end of your relationship. That maybe he wants nothing more to do with you. But Jun’s train of thoughts is far away from the breakup sphere, rather unsure how to make things normal again. It’s only a matter of time, right? And why are you just as strange about everything as him?

HOSHI

Sharing a blanket with each other on the cold wooden boards, your group of friends seated in a circle, as you take turns telling scary stories. Your and Soonyoung’s terrified glances meet every now and then, before he leans on your chest so you can lock hands over his shoulder protectively. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.” His giggles at your promise score you numerous scolding looks.

You’re not the first one to notice him. Once his silhouette comes into your view, he’s already jumping in place, flailing his arms in the air for attention. A big smile spreads across his face, pushing his eyes almost shut. Soonyoung mouths something, but you can’t read his lips at all. Then he starts running towards you with arms wide open for embrace. Laughing, you do the same. It is embarrassing, but your suffering ends as soon as your face can hide in his neck.

Spoons of your meal disappearing in his mouth, although his half-finished own is resting right next to it. After five pointed glances, you give up to watch him full-time instead. Soonyoung is clearly enjoying his food. “Why are you not eating?” “I’m full already.” “You and your small stomach!” Him and his big stomach!

The collection of old Halloween couple costume’s you’ve collected over the years. Each worn just once, each as memorable as the previous one. Soonyoung throws himself at the mountain of colorful materials, his lips pouting. “You want to get rid of them? Our memories?!” “They’re taking up too much space.” He groans disgusted. “So?” “Get off and help me pack them.” “Make me!”

His sad eyes following your every move as you walk around the room gathering things. There’s a stark contrast between his watery gaze, and your angry stare. Every few seconds he starts senseless sentences, more a product of desperation than solid argumentation. And then you leave him alone, to get lost in his sad thoughts, to wonder what could’ve been done to avoid the conflict altogether.

WONWOO

Eardrum-bursting noise of speeding cars. You flinch in your spot, then shoot a glare to the man that accidentally sat on remote control. “Wonwoo!” He smiles apologetically once you point out the volume. Sighing, you pick up the phone. Its clock reads 2 a.m, but even the realization doesn’t make you tired. “One more mission, come on!”

No matter when and where you’ve agreed to meet, he’s always the first one to appear. It’s not the nicest feeling - being always waited for - but Wonwoo rejects your attempts at confrontation. He says he’s used to it and prefers things that way. Why worry your head, when it’s all figured out. He doesn’t know that you know that he’s very particular about being the first one everywhere. Talk about chivalry.

The avoidance of physical contact. Yes, you are in a disagreement. Yes, some feelings were hurt. Yes, both of you are mad. The tension is thick, waiting for a knife sharp enough to cut through it. Tired of frowning, you reach for the rock you can always lean on, but the rock moves. You’re pushed away without him pushing, and at that moment the word hurt is redefined.

Summery evening spent by a lake. There’s a picnic table, usually posing nude with its graffiti, today dressed in a checkered cloth. A basket of half-finished lunch rests above all, closed, hopefully keeping the fruit away from insects. You watch another stone skipping the surface of calm water. It’s not a record-breaker, but you still cheer for Wonwoo. Sunset glances off of his glasses when he turns to look back.

Going through the pictures you ordered. A large frame is placed on the other end of the table, the blankness waiting for colors. But it’s been hours, and aside from leaning over the pictured memories, no collection has been decided. Wonwoo’s hand closes over yours when you hand him a particularly funny photograph. His deep hum resonates in appreciation.

WOOZI

The look of bewilderment he puts on when your hand offers him a spoonful of food. You don’t mind the public, only nod at him in encouragement, and although shy, he accepts the offering. “Please, stop doing that.” “I can’t hear you because this stew is so amazingly delicious! You should have a taste once more!” Another spoon glares at him under your innocent gaze.

Hugging him tightly as you’re waiting for sleep to take over. The duvet is too cold for your liking, and Jihoon offers the only source of warmth you accept. You know that in the morning you’ll wake up separated, but for now you plan on enjoying being so close to him. Every now and then he leaves lingering kisses on your forehead without saying a word.

The deepness of bass syncing with your heartbeat. Jihoon is facing away from you, propped on his locked hands and gazing at the computer screen. He always closes off to focus on analyzing his tracks. As much as you want to remain silent and follow his lead, you’re convinced you’ve heard the same tune before. Then you recognize it from Jihoon’s humming a week prior.

His tear-strained face after a big argument. You’re shocked to see him so broken, and all the anger that’s been boiling your blood disappears. Jihoon accepts the embrace, his arms closing on you tightly, as he whispers “Don’t argue with me anymore, please. I don’t want you to leave”.

The day you run up the stairs to his apartment. The neighbors nod at you in mute greetings, all offering smaller or bigger smiles. Your fingers quickly put a memorized code in. The front door opens after you press the handle. There’s a pair of slippers already waiting. Jihoon walks into the hallway to welcome you. His hair is still wet from the shower.

DK

The annoyingly omittable grocery store playlists. They’re so subtle in their existence, you hum, but never remember exactly which melody. That is unless that song comes on. Seokmin who’s been pulling the cart from the side, turns to face you with a knowing smile. “Please, not here.” you ask, but Seokmin just turns away and begins singing along. People look, and you’re both extremely embarrassed and eager to listen to his voice more.

Instead of being angry, like you are, he’s sad. Misery written all over his infuriatingly beautiful face. It’s petty to continue attacking him with hurtful words. The ammo you’ve loaded now just a steam coming from na overheated gun. Seokmin doesn’t speak. He’s silent. It’s as if you’re the only one who can decide when will all the arguing end.

Finding a birthday gift a week before. Seokmin is terrible at hiding things meant for you, and although you’re itching to ask him “Your underwear drawer? Really?” you act as if nothing ever happened. Even if your fun was ruined, you do not wish him the same. He genuinely believes your act of surprise later.

Sitting chest to chest, legs around one another, while you’re brushing his hair. He doesn’t shy away from admitting that this tradition is his favorite one. That’s why you run comb through his locks for way too long, to keep him close, and bask in the familiarity of it all. When your eyes fall down, they always catch his big ones, patiently waiting for you to finish, and gift him a kiss.

A surprise backhug when you’re washing the dishes. Seokmin should be drying them off with a towel, but some time ago he abandoned the task, He’s always been quick to lose interest. His head rests on your shoulder, voice impatiently asking when will it be over. You want to laugh at him. Tell him to get back to work. But then again - you’re enjoying the warmth he’s radiating. Like fire in a chimney.

MINGYU

Styling his hair after he has left the shower. Mingyu giggles hysterically as you put finishing touches to his mohawk. “You could be a punk rock guitarist.” his canines come into full display at the comment. Later he tells you to make him a greaser, with a carefully twisted lock of hair falling down his forehead.

A letter he has written when he realized things weren’t completely alright with you at the moment. A collection of words that to you make much more sense than to any other person. The letter itself can’t take the weight off of your shoulders, but the gentleness of his words, the constant encouragement, and the amount of love confessions do give you a new feeling, this time - a good one.

The giddiness when you know you’ll see him a matter of minutes. And as soon as you do, a smile breaks out, because how can it not? His is similar, just as full of warmth as yours. The only things warmer than it are his welcoming embrace and your cheeks rubbing. “I’ve been waiting for you for so long! You’re not late? Well, I was still waiting to see you!”

The warmest and securest of embraces he offers at any time of the day.  Mingyu may be busy and still take a moment to hug you when things don’t feel quite right. Just a look, a pout, a sigh, a call of his name, or a hand on his shoulder - Mingyu drops whatever it is he’s doing and opens his arms. Most times, as an added bonus, he offers you quick pecks of pure honey. Anywhere he can reach.

Sneaking hands into one another’s sleeves when the weather is cold. It may not be the smartest move, because there’s not much two adults merged in a pose like that can do. Mingyu giggles at the feeling of your ice cold fingers grabbing his arms, meanwhile almost jumping away from you. Only the hold you have on his limbs stops him from parting ways. “You’re too cold! I didn’t sign up for this!” “You’re supposed to warm my hands, so stop complaining!”

THE8

The warmth of his arm as the two you huddle in front of a painting in the museum. Minghao‘s telling you what he thought of when he saw it for the first time. Then he encourages you to share your opinion. His eyes look genuinely curious. “I didn’t think of it like that!”, but you doubt his words. Still, it feels nice to be appreciated and listened to.

His tendency to fall silent in the middle of argument that does nothing to cease your annoyance. In the back of your mind a voice is telling you that it went too far, and you should follow suit, but the wind’s silence can never extinguish a raging fire. Blinded by rage, you throw the book you were holding on the ground, turn around and storm off, ignoring his voice calling your name. “Stop being childish!” annoys you only more.

The first thing you notice while falling into his arms being his perfume. It’s so rich, and so his, you feel safe and right in place before you can sense the plush of his flesh under fingertips. Minghao giggles at your strengthening grip. His ears pick up on your sniffing and after some time of letting you soak in his presence, he makes you look him in the eyes. You can’t argue - who would reject a kiss of adoration from a man like that?

Sharing a piece of cake in a cafe. It’s a red velvet, with strawberries on the side. There’re no words being exchanged, you just steal small smiles in each other’s direction. The cake disappears slowly, each spoon frugal and shy. It’s not that you can’t afford another one. The cake is an object of sentiment - something shared between two close people.

The delicateness of his fingertip on your upper cheek. It swipes to the side and (sadly) leaves. Minghao’s eyes follow his thumb as he transports a lost eyelash to the front of your lips. “Make a wish.” he says with a gentle smile. Heart fluttering, you struggle to glue together a proper plead. It’s the first dream that came up and you have nothing better to offer. Then you blow the eyelash into the air. Please world, make it happen.

SEUNGKWAN

Trivial words that hurt like a stabbing knife. Now, instead of blood, they’re a source of all-consuming guilt. Even if the argument was mutual, you want to take everything back, because the present feels empty without Seungkwan. Your phone lights up with a message before you can drown yourself in sorrow. “We’ll talk tomorrow.” and tomorrow you hope to see him.

A band-aid that’s turned useless, but cannot be taken off. It’s what remains of Seungkwan’s touch, before he left for work overseas. The material is dirty, and sticking out at ends, and you should just get rid off it, because it’s a stupid reason to hold on to. Yet here you are - just pressing it down every five minutes in silent acceptance.

Poking your head into the hallway. TV is playing in the background, but a singing voice breaks through the noise. You smile in recognition and slowly make your way forward, towards the bathroom door. Seungkwan is in the middle of a shower. Happy to catch him off-guard, you sit down by the wall and listen. No plead is enough to make him sing consciously in your presence.

The melted chocolate you forgot to hide in the fridge. Seungkwan is scowling at his fingertips, sunk in the dark brown smudge. From his eyes alone you can tell he’s about to start scowling you. “Don’t be such a baby! Just go wash them!” He’s about to argue, but you push him out of the kitchen. “We wasted perfectly good chocolate!” We? That’s a first. Although he left, you hear him smacking lips. Seungkwan couldn’t allow the sweets to just waste.

An empty sofa to your side. A soft rug in front of you. Pillows thrown around the room. And yet, you and him are sitting huddled on the armchair, something designed for one (1) user. Seungkwan has his head lying on your shoulder. You’re too engrossed in TV to notice his lack of attention to the show. With passing moments his mouth moves closer to your neck, eyes on your side profile, hands on your hip.

VERNON

Seeing him in a badly sewn beanie that you wouldn’t have given to him if he hadn’t found it in your kitchen cupboard. It’s a mess of unfinished threads and misplaced crosses. Still, Vernon assures you that he loves it. “I look pretty cool in it, right?”, the earnest smile put on display. You look for the signal of a lie, but between the messy fringe, and the perfect pearls on display, you can’t find even a trace of it.

The moment he pulls away for a breather, his eyes hooded, lips swollen. It’s afternoon, though you do not care about the time. You marvel at the shadows, dancing with purple light on his face, but can only take a mental picture. His mouth is quick to return to yours, hands right behind it. The buckle of your belt clings with the button of his jeans.

Standing on a beach during a cold afternoon. The wind plays with whatever it can touch - waves, strands of hair, the lightest grains of sand. Above the howls you can hear Vernon’s breathing. He doesn’t say anything, maybe listening to the same things as you, maybe thinking about the things beyond. But his presence triumphs over the coldness.

The feeling of being watched that pops up randomly. Always with him, always when he’s sure you’re too busy to notice, always without a word spoken, always in your peripheral vision. You can’t tell whether he just gets lost in thoughts or is admiring you, but you never point it out. Others do it for you.

The buzz of adrenaline surging through your veins when he closes the door behind him. He’s mad, but doesn’t use the piece of wood to have the last sound. He rarely raises his voice, never shows anger through strength, never takes it out on the inanimated objects. The observation instantly causes you to miss him. But you can’t decide which feeling you should listen to - fresh anger, or even fresher loneliness.

CHAN

His voice reaching your ears through the phone every night, without a day off. Sometimes it’s tired, sometimes excited, but always there. He protests whenever you tell him to just hang up and go rest. “Don’t you want to talk with me?” “Of course I do. But you sound sleepy.” “Just five more minutes!” A long silence, and then a sigh. “Alright.”

The times when the only source of comfort he accepts is your embrace. You’re lying on the couch, arms opened for his frowning face. Not a full second passes, and he’s placed on top of you, nose in the crook of your neck, hands on your sides, legs digging underneath yours. Questions are avoided with simple I missed you’s.

Collecting tears down his jawline. Offered hug is rejected, but his pushing hands are weak, unsure in their movement. You can read him like a book, though you do not admit that aloud. He wants you to stay and comfort him. Cling to him despite his attempts at rejection. Chan sniffles. This time when your arms circle him, he does nothing to stop them.

The embarrassment you have to bite down. You’re just as flattered, but the latter feeling is much easier to hide. People are watching, some giggling, honestly enjoying the show,  some are feeling for the position you’re put in. Chan is still smiling widely, his pupils full of adoration. Too scared to do anything else, you decide to hide in his arms, already opened for an embrace. He’s the best type of both lovely and shameless.

Skipping down the stone stairs hand in hand. The rain has made a prompt run to shelter out of your slow afternoon walk. Suddenly, you can feel his fingers pulling at yours. Not down the stairs, but to his side. Chan slips. It’s a split second, somehow long enough to push heart up your throat. He manages to lean on the other leg to regain balance. Again, for a moment. Chan jumps down the last few stairs, straight into a puddle of rain water, successfully spraying you with the small tidal wave created from the impact. “I’m sorry!” but he laughs, so is he really?

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[maria-scribbles]

loyalty’s all i got | part two

three years ago, you had it all: great friends, good grades, and an almost perfect relationship with your boyfriend, jj. it all came crashing down when your mom relocated your family to california for work and you were forced to trade the outer banks for malibu, leaving your broken heart behind in the place you were just starting to think of as home. now you're back in town for college and to pick up the pieces, hoping to make things right again with your friends and the boy you never stopped loving.

word count: 8.6k+

ship: jj maybank x female!reader, pogue friendship

warnings n stuff: angst angst angst all around (with a happy ending tho!!), the reader being a v. sad girl, mentions of anxiety/depression, failed long distance relationship, drifting apart, self-inflicted loneliness/isolation, the classic trope of 'they broke up but they're still in love with each other' that gives me feels, swearing (it's not my writing unless someone says 'fuck' at least once), reconciliation/mended relationships, traditional cheesy rom-com rain scene 'cause i'm a Dramatic Hoe™

a/n: and here's the second and final part of this looooong two-shot! thank you all so much for reading and i hope you enjoy the finale even though i low key kind of hate it 🙃. fun fact: surfrider beach is a real place in malibu known for its great waves :) also i apologize for how long this took to post, i dropped my laptop and the screen broke so i had to wait for it to get fixed lmao. unbetaed as usual, any mistakes are my b. 

~masterlist~

part two: like a ghost that no one knew

When you said goodbye to your friends three years ago, you should've known things would never be the same again. You were sixteen, still so young and naïve and full of an almost childlike hope that kept you from seeing the obvious: life wasn't fair. Sometimes, you could be holding all the right cards and still lose the game.

It should've been easy. You had a video chat schedule already figured out, promises of daily texts and Snapchats, a boyfriend willing -enthusiastically willing, in fact- to go long distance and make it work no matter what 'cause you both agreed that what you had was something worth fighting for. You and your friends had weathered many storms together, what was one more? It could've been easy but you underestimated just how cruel California would be.

You traded one coast for the other and watched the sun set over the Pacific alone when you would've given anything to watch it rise over the Atlantic with your friends. It hurt to surf solo but you did it anyway, even though it felt like a damn sucker punch each time you caught yourself scanning the sand for JJ and his proud smile when you successfully caught bigger and bigger waves at Surfrider Beach. 

Long distance was hard. You had days where all you wanted to do was lay on your bed for hours, safely curled up in his arms as he ran his fingers through your hair but you had to settle for his voice over the phone and one of his shirts from your closet instead. You missed everything about him: his pretty eyes that looked like the clearest ocean, the cheeky grin he'd send your way after making a stupid joke that had you affectionately rolling your eyes in exasperation, that adorable flush that spread across his face without fail each and every time you said you loved him. You longed for his constant affection; the way he always wanted to keep you close somehow, his arm around your shoulders, hand in your back pocket, or fingers entwined with yours; how he could never go a day without kissing you. Being apart was nothing short of torture.

"I fucking miss you." He said late one night during a rare FaceTime session -his phone was a piece of shit so he had to 'borrow' John B's whenever he could- and you smiled despite the knife twisting itself deeper and deeper into your heart as you played with the fraying sleeve of his old sweatshirt you wore. 

"I fucking miss you more, J." You whispered back, giggling quietly when he scrunched up his nose in playful skepticism. 

"Yeah, I don't think so, babe. There's no way." 

"Yes, way!"

Although it hurt like hell, you imagined being tangled up with him in the hammock hanging in the Chateau's yard under the North Carolina sky -the light from the moon would turn his blond hair a pale silver as he grinned down at you and cupped your cheek in his hand, closing that final distance between you for a kiss that'd fuel the fire racing through your veins- and you let that fleeting happiness carry you through the night, long after you said goodbye. You fell asleep with your phone in your hand, unaware that your mother had been listening from the other side of your closed door.

You'd been distant from her and your dad in the months since the move, obviously going out of your way to avoid them both by spending all your spare time surfing at the beach, coming home well past sunset and heading straight to your room without a word. They'd taught you forgiveness wasn't something to be given willingly -it had to be earned- and since neither of them had done anything worthy to deserve an absolution, you simply pretended they didn't exist and let yourself stew in your justified anger.

Until the morning after your video date with JJ, they'd wisely given you your space so you were pretty blind sighted to find them both waiting for you at the dining room table, one of your dad's famous cinnamon rolls on a plate set in front of your usual chair. You paused in the middle of tying one of your boyfriend's worn bandanas in your hair before abruptly continuing toward the front door, acting like you didn't see the hopeful looks on their faces that made guilt slowly start to burrow its way into your chest. 

"Y/N, wait," Your dad sprung from his seat and reached his hand out toward your elbow, his face falling when you instantly pulled back and crossed your arms. "Please, let's just talk for a second."

"I'm gonna be late for the bus," You lied and tried for the door again, sighing in frustration when he blocked your path and ushered you toward the table where your mom was sitting, biting her thumbnail. The guilt burrowed deeper: you thought she kicked that habit years ago but there she was, chewing her nail to shreds and it was all because of you (the empty satisfaction you felt knowing you were the cause of her stress made you hate yourself just a little more.).

"Jellybean, don't worry about that. I'll drive you." 

You bristled at the old nickname but sat in the chair your dad pulled out for you anyway. The smell of the cinnamon roll he pushed your way made your mouth water but you refused to eat and kept your eyes down as you played with the stack of bracelets adorning your wrist. "You wanted to talk?" You asked, deciding to just rip the band-aid off all at once 'cause knowing your mom when she was anxious and your dad being allergic to any type of confrontation, you'd have sat there all day until one of them worked up the courage to speak.

"Talk, right." Bill said with a nervous chuckle, shaking his head as he took a seat and swiped his own cinnamon roll from the pan in the middle of the table. "Uh, how are you?"

"Are you serious right now?" You asked incredulously, looking up from your lap with a raised eyebrow. "All this for 'how are you?'" 

"How would we know?" Your mom finally spoke up as she pulled her ruined nail from her mouth, only to start instantly drumming her fingers on the table. "You're always holed up in your room or at the beach, Y/N. You never talk to us anymore."

You rolled your eyes before fixing her with a deadpan stare. "Hmm, I wonder why."

"Honey, you know I'm sorry-"

"Don't, okay? Just don't." You swallowed thickly and dumped the cinnamon roll back into the pan, blinking away the awful burning pressure building behind your eyes. "I can't listen to some half-assed apology that you don't mean!"

"Y/N, we are sorry. Everything's gonna get better, just give it time." Your dad's reply was muffled by a mouthful of pastry and any other time, you'd usually be laughing at his chipmunk cheeks but instead you just stared back down at your hands again, lip quivering as you tried and failed to hold yourself together. You would not cry. You would not cry. You would not-

"Please, honey." Your mom tentatively reached out one hand like she was approaching a wounded animal, her voice so soft you could barely hear it above the rush of blood in your ears. "It hurts us to see you like this-"

Oh, fuck this shit.

"You're hurt?! Are you kidding me?" Your chair scraped along the tile as you rocketed to your feet, vision blurring when the dam finally broke. "You promised we wouldn't move again until after I graduated and you broke that promise. I let myself make friends for once in my goddamn life -I fucking fell in love, Mom! I fell in love with the most amazing boy who, by some miracle loves me, too despite me being a...a complete loser!" You were rambling now but you couldn't find it in yourself to care about or stop the words flying from your mouth. 

"God, I was happy -so, so disgustingly happy it kind of scared me, okay?" You laughed bitterly and roughly wiped the tears from your cheeks, only to have more immediately take their place. "And you didn't even stop to think before you took it all away from me! So don't even talk to me about being hurt 'cause you have no fucking idea!"

Your dad was frozen, eyes the same color as your own blown impossibly wide in the middle of another bite of cinnamon roll while your mom, two tears streaking perfect twin tracks down her cheeks, looked at you like you'd just told her the world was ending -to her, it just might've been but to you, it already had. Neither of them said another word as you snatched your backpack off the couch and stormed from the house, slamming the door behind you.

Halfway to the bus stop, you decided school just wasn't in the cards that day and doubled back, hiding behind the shed in your backyard until your tears had run dry and both of your parents left -Rebekah to the hospital, Bill to wherever he went while you were in class- before heading inside to change into your rash vest and grab your board. Despite it being early Friday morning, Surfrider Beach was full of life and you welcomed the hustle and bustle as you turned off your phone and buried it at the bottom of your bag, leaving your problems behind on the sand. 

You spent the whole day at the beach, blissfully alone and free to do what you wanted, until the sun dipped low in the sky and you were too exhausted to even think about anything but dragging yourself home so you could pass the fuck out. You caught one final wave before heading back to shore, waving goodbye to the group of other kids you'd surfed with all day (the one thing you loved about California: everyone was so chill) and trudged through the sand toward your things where, just as you expected, your sister sat on your towel, clad in a baggy UCLA long-sleeve with her phone in hand. 

"Bitch, you killed it out there!" She looked up as you dropped your board to the ground and sat down heavily beside her, slipping an old Kildare County High School sweatshirt -the first one you ever 'borrowed' from your boyfriend, much to his delight- over your head. "I mean, look at you go!"

You leaned closer to watch the video she took, the barest hint of a smile on your face when you watched yourself perform a near perfect cutback on the screen. "That's 'cause I had the best teacher." 

Daisy tagged you and posted it to Instagram before you could protest, then tossed the phone back into her bag and turned to you with a forced cheerfulness that kind of made you want to smack her. "So..."

"Mom and Dad sent you to clean up their mess." You finished quietly, tucking your knees to your chest and wrapping your arms around them as your sister sighed dramatically and offered a sympathetic wince. 

"As always." She copied your position and you both stared out at the sun sinking over the water, its fading rays turning the sky brilliant shades of orange and pink. It was typical of your parents to send Daisy after you when you were upset -after all, you'd both been each other's only friend for over half your lives- and normally, you'd be glad to see your sister's friendly face instead of your mom's or dad's. That evening, though? All you felt was...disappointment.

"Guess they really don't give a shit about me." You mumbled under your breath, half-hoping Daisy didn't hear you but from the way she snapped her head in your direction, you didn't get your wish.

"Y/N, that's not it. They're just..."

"Just what? Pretending that they didn't stab me in the back? Acting like everything's all hunky-dory and they actually cared about my feelings?" 

You hastily wiped at your face when your sister silently looped an arm around your shoulders and tucked you against her side, her fingers running soothingly through the ends of your damp hair as you vented all of your frustrations -everything you'd kept locked deep inside your heart- until your voice was hoarse and the sun had long disappeared from the horizon and you had no tears left to cry.

"You have no idea what it's like, being so lonely it hurts to breathe. It hurts knowing Mom and Dad have each other and you have Daniel and I'm alone all the time." You lifted your head from her shoulder and rubbed your red eyes with your sleeve. "Worst part is, they just keep acting like I'll wake up one day and magically be okay and everything'll be all sunshine and rainbows again." 

"First off, I wanna say that I'm sorry for not making more time for you. I knew you were struggling and I'm a terrible big sister for not being here for you like I should have," You squeezed Daisy's other hand in thanks as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, her voice soft and steady like the waves crashing against the shore. "Second, I definitely don't think Mom and Dad are handling this the way they should, but I think they're trying in the only way they know how. That should count for something, right?"

You sighed and tugged the sleeves of your sweatshirt over your hands. "I guess, but they haven't even tried to see where I'm coming from and they don't get that I'm not the only one they hurt. If I have to hear one more half-assed apology, I'm gonna lose my shit. Again."

"I'm not saying you have to forgive them right away 'cause I sure as hell wouldn't until they say they're sorry and mean it. But..." She said, pulling you to your feet and shaking the sand from the towel you were sitting on, "you shouldn't keep shutting them out, okay? It's not healthy."

You tucked your board under your arm as Daisy grabbed your bag and swung it onto her shoulder before you both started walking toward the parking lot. "What if I'm never ready to forgive them?"

"That's a question I don't have the answer to." She said with a shrug. "You've gotta figure that one out for yourself."

So you followed your sister's advice. You were civil and gradually, your relationship with your parents improved until you could stand to be in the same room as them and even carry on a short conversation, even though you knew you'd probably never be able to fully trust them again. You caught them exchanging glances you could only describe as wounded when you often turned down their invitations to go to the movies or get ice cream or other things you used to love doing when you were younger but for the most part, they took it in stride and you were grateful for their little efforts. Forgiveness wasn't in the cards quite yet but with each passing day, you felt the icy wall around your heart slowly start to melt away.

But every time you thought you were taking one step forward, life pushed you two steps back. Just when you were getting things back on track with your family, the train went flying off the rails when it came to your friends and it was all your fault.

It wasn't like you didn't try -God, did you try- to keep yourself from falling back into old habits but Malibu just had a way of bringing out the absolute worst in you. Your old self, the girl who kept to herself and pushed everyone away, someone you thought you buried in the deepest grave, slowly came back from the dead with a vengeance little by little, so subtly you didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. 

One missed phone call turned into two, texts went unanswered for days or not at all, FaceTime sessions happened less and less. The last video chat had been with Kiara and it ended terribly, after you blew up at her for mending her friendship with Sarah Cameron in the near two years since you'd been gone, spitting words you couldn't quite remember -something along the lines of 'didn't take you too long to replace me, huh' and calling the blonde girl a 'heinous bitch'- but knew you regretted with everything you had and hanging up before she had a chance to explain. You couldn't even recall the last time you talked to Pope or John B aside from the occasional Snapchat and your daily calls with JJ had turned to once a week, if you were lucky.

He was trying, you could tell, and so were you but the deck was stacked against you and you were never very good at cards, anyway. It hurt to try, it hurt not to try, everything just hurt. Nearly two years apart had done their damage and coupled with your debilitating fear of being forgotten that clawed at your chest like a rabid dog, your relationship was on unstable ground and for the first time in almost four years, you were thinking about the end. It wasn't like you didn't love him anymore (holy shit, were you still completely head over heels in love). In fact, you loved him so much you realized that he could do so, so much better than you and the thought rested heavy and bittersweet on your mind, lurking in the shadows until you were ready to bring it to light.

It happened on New Year's Eve. Alone in your room, your hands shook as you answered JJ's call at midnight, his voice tired and a little hoarse from celebrating the new year three hours earlier on the opposite coast and you nearly started crying right then and there when you replied with a shaky "I think we need to talk."

"Babe, what's wrong?"

You took a deep breath and said quietly, "Everything."

"Talk to me." The pure concern in those three words nearly convinced you to call it off, to tell him to forget you said anything and that you were fine, everything was just fine but deep down, you knew you couldn't.

"I've been thinking about us and I...I just think that you deserve better than me. Someone who can actually be there for you when you need her and hold you when your dad's an asshole and see you every day. Someone who can laugh at your silly jokes and share a joint with you and clean you up when you get into fights defending your friends-"

"Babe, what are you talking about? That girl is you."

"Maybe I was but I'm not anymore and I don't think I have been since I left. I just can't be the girl you want, I can't be the girl you deserve, J -I'm a total fucking mess and you can do so, so much better than me."

"Y/N."

You didn't know you were crying until you heard the broken way he breathed your name and salt water dripped from your chin onto the bracelet around your wrist. 

"...are you breaking up with me?" His voice was impossibly small, the quietest you'd ever heard it and the exact moment your battered heart shattered into pieces was when you realized he didn't even put up a fight. 

"I think so." The words tore through you like a gunshot as you cried, curling into yourself on the bed in an effort to ward off the worst pain you'd ever felt in your life and you wondered if it was possible to die from a wound that wasn't even physical. 

He was quiet for a long time, so long you thought he hung up without you noticing through your tears, until he sniffed on the other end of the line.

"Guess we had a pretty good run, huh?" He asked with a watery chuckle and you found yourself giving a tiny, shuddering giggle in response -God, even when you were breaking his heart he still managed to make you laugh.

"The best, baby." The pet name slipped out like second nature and you winced, hastily trying to cover your mistake with an awkward cough but from the sharp breath you heard him take, he'd heard it anyway.

("I'm sorry," you said, and it stood as an apology for more than just your slip-up.)

"I love you, Y/N. Probably always will."

"I'll never stop loving you, JJ. That's a promise."

You let yourself believe him as you laid there bleeding from a gash you couldn't see, a wound you knew would never heal, and you hoped he let himself believe you, too, even when you ended the call without another word and threw your phone away from you, not bothering to see where it landed. The sound of your heavy, broken sobs filled the room and you didn't even mind when your mom, who you knew had been listening from the other side of your closed door like always, barged in and took you into her arms, stroking your hair as you cried into her lap.

If you were supposed to avoid getting hurt by leaving first, why did it feel like everything in you was broken? If you were making the right choice, why did it feel so wrong? You didn't have the answers and no matter how hard you searched, you knew you'd ever find them.  

So you tried to stay busy. You joined the surf club at school, got a part-time job at the local aquarium, did anything you could to distract yourself from the hurt and the guilt and the way getting out of bed every morning was the hardest thing to do. Surf club introduced you to Mackenzie, the one girl who was more ostracized at school -an even richer version of the kook academy you hated -than you, her for being freakishly tall and you for your East Coast attitude, and the two of you became fast, if reluctant friends. Mack didn't try to stitch the gaping hole in your heart caused by your absent friends but she numbed the pain just enough to make it bearable and you were grateful for her calm, steady presence at your side, even as you both tried to keep each other at arm's length.  

Later, you found out she was just like you, friendless and awkward with no self-esteem and a tendency to push people away, and that just cemented your friendship through the summer and your final year of high school.

Mack told you all about her life, growing up with no siblings, having height that she never learned to deal with, and a debilitating social anxiety that made making friends near impossible, and in turn you told her about how you hopped from town to town on your mother's whims, the wonderful friends you let slip away, and the beautiful boyfriend you loved enough to let go, and you both cried together for the lives you could've led.

"You two looked so happy," She said during the first sleepover you hosted as she held one of the many picture frames littering your dresser, her lips turned upwards in a small smile.

You gently took the frame from her hands and ran your fingers over the grinning face of your ex-boyfriend, his arms wrapped around your shoulders as your painted lips planted a deep red kiss on his cheek, and the wave of longing washing over you was almost strong enough to bring you to your knees. "It was the happiest I've ever been."

"Do you miss him?"

"So much it hurts."

i miss you.

i'm so sorry.

i still love you.

You'd typed and erased those texts every day but never mustered the courage to hit send and you couldn't decide if that was a blessing in disguise or the worst possible curse. Of course you still loved JJ: you promised you would and even if you didn't, you couldn't stop if you tried. He was your first love, the boy you so willingly gave your whole heart and then some; you still kept his ring on your thumb -the one he gave you at the airport the day you left- and his bracelet around your wrist, his bandanas in your hair and his face in your dreams and you knew you always would.

Before you could blink, your eighteenth birthday flew by and graduation was upon you.

You thought the second you were done with high school you'd be gone, heading straight back to the Outer Banks and the life you left behind but you found yourself stalling on sending in an application to UNC -Chapel Hill until you missed the deadline for the fall semester. On the outside, you made up a semi-legit excuse about getting your basic courses done at a community college to save money but deep down you really knew why you procrastinated: you were terrified to go back. Ever since your break up with JJ, you hadn't spoken to him or any of your old friends other than the obligatory birthday wishes on Facebook and you wondered if the damage you'd done over the years was too much to come back from, even as you tried to work up the courage to find out for sure.

Another year passed: in between earning college credits, you and Daisy took a sister's trip to Disneyland, Mack asked you to tag along on a jaunt up the coast to San Francisco to see Alcatraz, your parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary (your gift was long-overdue forgiveness and they said it was the greatest thing you possibly could've given them). When the time came, you and Mack both sent out your applications to UNC -you for biology, her for chemistry- and the myriad of emotions you felt when you got in was nothing short of dizzying. The old you was terrified, screaming at you to rip up the letter and join your sister at UCLA instead of opening old wounds but the hopeful you, the girl who lived without fear, the girl who fell in love and let herself be loved, screamed louder.

And so you killed the old you once again, burying her even deeper than the last time in a locked chest and throwing the key as far as you could out into the Pacific where you knew you'd never find it. You clutched your acceptance letter close to your chest and took a step east, away from California and toward the place where your broken heart still rested, scattered in pieces across the sand.

Settling in at UNC was surprisingly easy. You and Mack already clicked pretty well as friends so making the transition to roommates was natural and, dare you say it, even a little fun and the two of you quickly fell into a comfortable routine in your tiny apartment off campus in Chapel Hill. Comfortable and yet...that happiness you once felt all those years ago was missing from your life and you found yourself just as restless as you were in Malibu. While you knew exactly what you needed to do, that fear kept rearing its ugly head in the back of your mind, poisoning your thoughts: what if they wouldn't be happy to see you, what if they forgot about you, what if they hated you? What if he hated you?

It was terrifying, picturing yourself turning up at the Chateau with a hopeful smile only to have the door slammed right in your face. Deep down, you knew they'd never do that to you no matter how badly you'd hurt them but when you'd spent your whole life expecting the worst, taking a leap of faith wasn't an easy feat -something Mack just couldn't wrap her head around.

"I don't get it."

You glanced up from where you were lounging on your bed, flipping through your biology notes in preparation for your lab exam the next morning and shot your roommate a confused look. "Get what?”

Mack sat at your desk, her own notebooks lying ignored as she spun the chair around to face you, arms crossed. "Why you haven't hopped on that ferry to go get your man yet!"

You froze for a moment too long before offering a half-hearted shrug as you fiddled with the beads at the end of your bracelet. "It's not that easy. He probably wants nothing to do with me and I don't blame him."

"How do you know? You haven't talked to JJ in over a year, right?" At your tight nod, she continued, "What if he's just like you-"

"Depressed?"

Mack fixed you with a flat, unamused look. "Still in love, dumbass."

You scoffed and propped your chin in your hand as you glanced back down at your study guide, trying not to latch onto that little thought -hope and pain all rolled into one- that sparked to life at her words. He'd said he would probably always love you that New Year's Eve and back then you'd let yourself believe him but now, you weren't so sure. "Yeah, right. No way he's still...still in love with me after I broke his heart."

"Maybe he is, maybe he isn't," Your roommate said with a shrug, spinning around on the chair to grab her things. "You'll never know if you don't get over there, track his fine ass down, and talk to him."

You stared down at your notes without actually seeing anything, the slanted letters of your handwriting blurring before your eyes as the other girl flipped her chemistry book closed and stood, shooting you an warm smile that you didn't see. 

"Listen, Y/N, you're my best friend and I want to see you happy more than anything but I can't take that jump for you. Yeah, it's scary and nerve wracking and you might end up hurt worse than before, so what? That's just...life."

Mack left after that, crossing the apartment to her room so she could get ready for a date with a girl from her psych class, leaving you alone with tears on your face and a million thoughts in your head, all of them terrifying and exciting and oh so loud.

She was right, of course -Mack always knew the right thing to say- and as you stared down at the bracelets on your wrists and the ring on your thumb, the pictures on your phone and the too-big shirt hanging off one shoulder, you realized sitting around moping wasn't gonna solve anything; if you wanted your happiness, your friends, the love of your life back, you needed to step up and fight for them with everything you had. And so you wiped the tears from your cheeks and walked to the cliff's edge with your head held high, ready for the fall and whatever came with it. You were ready to fix your mistakes, no matter how badly it might hurt.

Still, you couldn't do it all on your own. You needed some help to make things right again and while you knew just who to ask, you weren't quite sure if they'd be willing to lend a hand. Desperate times called for desperate measures though and you penned a good old-fashioned letter, feeling like a heroine in a Jane Austen novel as you poured all your thoughts -your dreams, wishes, hopes- onto a piece of paper in bold blue ink and sent it off to its destination on Figure 8, your Hail Mary for a happy ending sealed up neatly in a single envelope.

Mack, bless her heart, did her best to keep your spirits up as you waited on a response but even her ever reassuring presence couldn't keep you from worrying as one week passed by, then two. Halfway through the third you'd almost given up, already wracking your brain for another way to make your plan work when your phone chimed with a text from an unknown number.

i'll help you

And just like that, the moment you'd been waiting for was finally within your reach; you told your parents not to expect you for Thanksgiving break, called your sister for a much needed pep talk, and started counting down the days until you'd see your friends again, for better or worse.

When you left the Outer Banks three years ago, it was sunny. You were sixteen, young and in love and scared about the future.

When you returned, it was in the middle of a storm. You were nineteen, a little bit older but no less in love and definitely still scared about what was waiting for you at the end of the road.

Rain pounded against the roof of Sarah Cameron's SUV as she drove away from the docks and toward the Chateau, her fingers tapping along to the music playing quietly through the radio. You sat in the passenger seat, soaked to the bone from your ferry ride from the mainland and shaking like a leaf despite the towel wrapped around your shoulders and the warm air flowing from the car's vents.

"Thanks for coming to get me," You said, wincing at the awkward lilt of your voice echoing in the small space as you spun JJ's ring around your thumb and stared out the windshield at the familiar sights streaking by in blurred shades of green and brown. Being back opened a Pandora's box of emotions in your head, both good and bad, and instead of trying to sort them out, you let them bounce around in your brain like a pinball machine and concentrated on methodically twirling the warm metal ring in circles on your finger.

Sarah briefly glanced away from the road to shoot you a small smile, her kind eyes softening at your visible nervousness. "Not gonna lie, I was pretty sure you hated me so when I got your letter it kinda...threw me for a loop. Sorry it took me so long to reply."

You wished the heated leather seat would swallow you whole as you winced again and wrapped the towel tighter around your shoulders. "For the longest time, I thought I did hate you but I realized I was just...scared of losing my friends and I took it out on you. You didn't deserve to be labeled the villain in my story when I was the one, um, sabotaging myself, I guess." You took a deep breath and picked at a loose thread tickling your arm. "And I'm really, really grateful for your help."

It was more than you wanted to admit out loud -nearly the same words were written in the letter peeking out from the center console of the car- but at the same time, you knew it was what needed to be said and from the way the blonde girl's fingers stopped tapping against the steering wheel, she knew she needed to hear it. At a red light, she quickly tapped out a text on her phone before tossing in back into her bag with another tiny grin in your direction.

"Happy to help. For what it's worth, I'm so sorry if I made you feel like you were being replaced, I never intended to hurt you or steal your friends or...or, I don't know, usurp-" 

"Sarah, stop. Please," You held up a hand to cut off her apology and offered her a self-deprecating smile. "I'm the one who's sorry. I let my...jealousy get the best of me and I feel so bad about all the shit I said 'cause that wasn't fair to you at all and I hope you can forgive me-"

"Y/N, there's nothing to forgive! We all say stupid shit when we're mad -trust me, I know." She interrupted with a bubbly, contagious giggle that seemed to scare away the gloomy storm clouds gathered over your head for a moment in time. "But I was never pissed at you, ever. I just want you to know that."

Stunned, you settled deeper into the seat and started playing with your ring again as she kept driving on, unbothered by your lack of response. You felt like you were thirteen again, back when Sarah and Kiara were your only friends, before the birthday disaster and the whole pogue versus kook feud that got completely out of hand; it felt...nice and you found yourself hoping that the blonde girl would still want to be your friend again, no matter what the others thought about your sudden return. 

"Thank you."

Sarah gave no indication she heard your quiet confession of gratitude but from the way you watched her smile grow out of the corner of your eye, you knew she did. The rest of the drive passed in companionable silence as you retreated into your own thoughts, your nerves getting worse and worse the closer you got to your destination.

You took a deep breath and let it out slowly through your nose, feeling like your heart was trying to beat its way through your rib cage. You hadn't been this anxious in a long, long time, so long you almost forgot how much you hated the tightness in your chest, how your palms would start to sweat, the way you'd chew the inside of your cheek until you tasted blood on your tongue. By the time Sarah pulled into an open spot beside the achingly familiar Volkswagen parked in front of the Chateau, you were surprised you were still able to breathe.

The sight of the tiny house, one you spent so many carefree days and beautiful nights in alongside your friends, standing virtually unchanged in front of you was like a shot to the heart and your hands, curled into fists on your lap, began to shake without warning. Shit, you were a godforsaken mess; how the hell were you supposed to do this without having a mental breakdown?

"I'm so scared."

The whispered words, barely audible over the torrential rain against the roof, slipped from your mouth before you could stop them and Sarah slowly reached one hand over to give your trembling wrist a reassuring squeeze, the corners of her mouth curled upward in a slight smile.

"Don't be. They're gonna be so happy to see you!"

You turned to look at her, eyebrows knit together in disbelief. "How are you so sure they still care about me?"

"I'm sure 'cause I've seen it. My God, if only you could've heard all the times they talked about you -'I wish Y/N was here,' 'remember that time with Y/N,' hell, just straight 'I miss Y/N so fucking much,'" She said bluntly and shifted in the driver's seat to face you head on, smiling wider at the thunderstruck look on your face. "Pretty sure I haven't gone a week without JJ saying that last one at least once." 

"I thought..." You paused, tongue darting out to run over your dry lips as you tried to put your jumbled feelings into words, "I thought he'd hate me -I mean, after all I've done, you think he still..."

"Loves you? Are you kidding?" Her reply was so enthusiastic it was hard not to believe her as she went on, her words like sunshine brightening the darkest corners of your mind. "He's still head over heels, I've never seen him even look at another girl in three damn years. You know he still wears your necklace, the one with the silver star? Kie told me all about it."

"I-I didn't." You remembered giving it to him the day you left, managing a shaky smile through your tears as you carefully clasped it around his neck, your fingers running over his skin as you settled the charm perfectly alongside that little shark tooth you'd grown to love.

('Be careful with this, baby. It's my favorite.' You had said, crying harder when he'd taken off one of his rings and slipped it onto your thumb.

'Well, this one's my favorite so take good care of it, okay?' His voice had been light but his eyes were heavy with unspoken words that you'd heard loud and clear because you knew your gaze said the exact same things.

don't let me go

don't break my heart

don't stop loving me)

You coughed to disguise the fat tears that started rolling down your face, quickly wiping them away with your sleeve but the blonde girl wasn't fooled as she gave your hand another friendly squeeze.

"Come on, they're probably wondering what's taking me so long," She sent a conspiratorial wink your way and grabbed her bag from the center console. "I told them I was picking up some pizzas but I have a funny feeling they won't be too pissed that I lied."

With a desperate grip on the strap of your backpack and your heart racing, you trailed behind Sarah through the rain to the front porch. 

"Ready?" She glanced back where you lingered at the top of the stairs, anxiously shuffling from foot to foot, and shot you a smile that did little to calm your nerves. "Just wait here!"

She knocked on the door before you could reply and yelled loud enough to be heard over the pouring rain, "Hey, it's me! Can somebody get the door? My hands are kinda full."

"Got it!"

Your bag slipped from your fingers and fell onto the porch with a loud thump at the sound of the voice floating through the open windows, a voice you heard nearly every night as you slept, in your dreams of a future you wanted with everything you had. You knew it better than your knew your own, knew every pitch and tone and lilt; quiet and raspy in the mornings when you woke up in each other's arms, loud and carefree during long days spent under the golden sun with the rest of your friends, soft and warm and laid bare at night when he showed how much he loved you with more than just words.

Sarah gave you an enthusiastic thumbs up before stepping to the side just as the door opened and you suddenly found yourself struggling to breathe as you stared into the wide blue eyes of your ex-boyfriend. JJ stared right back, one of the hands you used to hold clenched so tight around the doorknob his knuckles were white, the lips you used to kiss parted in surprise, the blond hair you used to run your fingers through falling onto his forehead like always and the familiar, beautiful sight of him standing close enough to touch made your knees weak.

"You're not pizza."

It was such a JJ thing to say and you didn't know whether to laugh or cry as you swallowed thickly and shook your head. "Sorry to disappoint you."

"I'm not."

"Oh."

Hope flared white hot in your chest at his words but it quickly started to fade, replaced by fear when he made no move toward you, his fingers still gripping tight to the door, and you felt your face start to heat in embarrassment as Sarah looked back and forth between the two of you like she was watching a tennis match. 

God, you were so stupid. What did you expect would happen, showing up out of the blue after over a year of no contact? Everything would fall into place again with just one long, heavy look? Believing it could be that easy turned you into a complete and total fool, tongue-tied and insecure and weak.

"Yo, what's the hold up?" John B's voice asked from inside the house and Sarah leaned down to call through the open window, "Come out here and find out!"

A wave of dizziness hit you like a truck and you took a sudden step back toward the stairs, arms wrapping around your stomach as it twisted itself into knots. "I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have come. This was a mistake." You didn't notice the stricken look that crossed JJ's face or the three familiar, stunned expressions that appeared behind him in the darkened doorway before turning away and stumbling off the porch toward the road, leaving your bag behind and you definitely didn't notice how you barely made it off the bottom stair before a set of footsteps hastily gave chase. 

"It wasn't a mistake, Y/N!" JJ's desperate voice stopped you in your tracks, halfway across the yard with more than just rain running down your face. "Not to me, never to me."

His soft touch on your wrist sent shockwaves through your body and you instantly became putty in his hands, letting him turn you around without a fight to face him, watching in fascination as the downpour started to darken his gray shirt and flatten his hair against his forehead. Three years hadn't changed much about him -he was a little taller, hair a little longer, the muscles in his arms a little more defined- and when you met his wide-eyed gaze, beads of rain dripping from his long eyelashes like diamonds, you wondered if he was thinking about the differences time created between the younger you of the past and the you of the right now, too.

"Oh." You repeated dumbly, struggling for something, anything to say that didn't make you sound like an illiterate fool. Even at nineteen, words still weren't your strong suit so you let your actions speak for you as your hand reached out on its own accord to caress the silver star still clasped around his neck, the thumb still wearing his ring brushing slowly against the dip between his collarbones; he shivered, and you weren't really sure if it was from your touch or the cold. 

"Y/N." JJ said your name like a prayer, like he couldn't believe you were there in front of him, and you inhaled sharply when both of his hands slowly, carefully moved to cup your face, his calloused thumbs habitually wiping the tears from your cheeks over and over, even as more instantly replaced the ones he swept away. "I fucking missed you."

You stood there, looking like a damned drowned rat with your hair dripping into your eyes, shivering in your soaked jeans and Kildare County High School sweatshirt, the love of your life cradling your face so gently in his hands, and so many things you wanted to say flooding your brain but only the one that mattered the most managed to get by your trembling lips.  

"I'm still in love with you." 

You noticed a lot when you put your heart on the line: the steady, soothing sound of water falling through the trees, the bright, clean taste of rain on your tongue, how the sun was just barely starting to peek out from behind the stormy clouds, but they all paled in comparison to the little things you noticed about the boy in front of you; blue irises made even brighter by the red rimming his eyes, how he stepped closer on the wet grass until the tips of his scuffed boots touched your worn gray high tops, the way his hands trembled ever so slightly against your flushed face. 

"Well, it's your lucky day 'cause I'm still in love with you, too."

All of the breath left your lungs in one big rush when JJ smiled hopefully -oh, how you loved everything about that smile: his slightly crooked teeth, that dimple in his cheek, the endearing pink blush swept across his nose- and you felt yourself return it without a second thought, your own hope once again burning bright in your chest.

"Even after...everything?" Your voice shook like the fingers you slid into the hair at his nape and he leaned down to rest his forehead against yours, close enough you could feel his breath on your lips when he spoke.

"I told you I'd always love you, didn't I?"

You nodded, a delicious shiver running down your spine when he tilted his head just so and gently bumped your nose with his. You remembered all the times he did that through the years, a dizzying slideshow of memories that flashed through your mind like lightning, and your fingers wove themselves deeper in his hair. 

"I have so many things to apologize for," You said with a tiny, quiet shake of your head, tearing your eyes away from his in shame and staring over his shoulder toward where the rest of your friends watched from the porch, all crowded together at the top of the stairs with identical enthralled expressions on their faces. "There are so many mistakes I've made and people I've hurt and I have no idea how to even start saying sorry for it all." 

"Babe."

The sound of your old pet name caused your gaze to snap right back to his and your heart felt like it was about to beat right out of your chest when one of his hands trailed down the sensitive skin of your neck and then lower until it traced along the curve of your hip and left a line of fire in its wake.

"We'll figure that out later, okay?" JJ said as his fingers tucked a loose strand of wet hair behind your ear, a coy, ardent grin on his face. "'Cause I've been waiting three years to kiss you again and if I don't get to do it soon, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind."

You smiled -a wide, joyful, elated smile- and rose up on your tiptoes in anticipation. "Then kiss me." 

You didn't have to tell him twice. His lips pressed against yours desperately, like he needed you to breathe, like you were the very air in his lungs, religiously, like your mouth was the altar and he was there to worship as he pulled you close, the fingers of one hand tangling in your hair while the others dug into your hip. You kissed him back just as hard and the familiar taste of him on your tongue -mint, smoke, salt- sent that dearly missed spark racing through your veins like wildfire.

It was a little cliché, having your long-awaited reunion kiss in the rain but it was honest and candid and real and so much better than anything you could've dreamed. You lost yourself in his touch like you used to, clinging to him like a lifeline and pouring your whole heart into every fierce brush of your lips against his, both of you pulling away for a moment only to dive right back in each time. It was addictive, intoxicating, and you could've spent the rest of your life standing there in the middle of the yard and kissing like there was no tomorrow if a loud, ear-piercing wolf whistle hadn't come from the direction of the porch.

The two of you broke apart just barely, with foreheads still pressed together and swollen lips, and you couldn't stop yourself from giggling when JJ blindly flipped the bird over his shoulder before pulling you back in for another eager kiss that filled your whole body with an exhilarating, heavenly heat that never faded, even after four enthusiastic voices suddenly surrounded you like an excited swarm of nosy, buzzing bees.

"You aren't the only one who missed her, J." Kiara said, smiling widely as you reached out to grab her hand and pull her into a powerful one-armed hug, her chin resting on your shoulder.

"Yeah, stop hogging all the love!" John B added, throwing himself into the pile along with Pope, who slung an arm around your shoulders as he said, "Great to have you back, Y/N."

Sarah was the last to join and she quietly tucked herself under John B's arm with a pleased grin on her face, nodding when you mouthed 'thank you' in her direction. The six of you stood there in the rain, smiling like fools, and as the sun started to scare away the dark clouds overhead and in your heart, a weight you didn't even realize had been crushing your chest slowly began to lift away with each freeing breath. 

You still had a lot of work to do: wrongs to be righted, apologies to be made, explanations -not excuses- to be given for every shitty thing you did in your past. But as happy tears started streaming down your face once again and you felt the arms of the friends you’d thought were lost to you forever tighten around you at the sight, you knew in your bones all would be forgiven. You knew that after three long years, you'd finally come home.

-

let me know what you think! i read each and every one of your comments and cry because they mean so much to me! ❤

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[ncssian]

just another graceless night

merry christmas 🎄here's my secret snowflake gift for the lovely sayo @sayosdreams. if u didn't guess it already, surprise! i hope u like it <3

a/n: this is part of my series of crescent city aus found in my masterlist, and is sort of a continuation to family therapy. you don’t need to have read family therapy to understand this fic, but it helps!

summary: it's nesta's birthday, and her loved ones have special plans for her (that may or may not go awry). featuring nessian and nesta/lucien friendship.

The ring caught the late morning light as Cassian twisted it over and over in his hands: a gold band studded with two pearls and an oval pink diamond at the center.

It was nothing like the female he wanted to give it to, and yet it was perfect for her. Because Nesta Archeron, despite all her walls and best efforts, was inside as warm as daylight. Or at least she was to Cassian.

The familiar beep of the security system sounded as someone unlocked the apartment door, and Cassian stood up quickly from the kitchen barstool. By the time the Archeron sisters entered, the ring was shoved deep in his pocket.

He affected a huge smile, though it may have been tinged with a hint of panic. “Back already?”

“Did you miss me too much?” Nesta padded over to the open-plan kitchen and dropped a paper bag of leftovers on the island next to Cassian. “I brought you macarons.”

He murmured his thanks into a soft greeting kiss.

Feyre and Elain remained in the living room, setting gift bags onto the coffee table. “We should probably get going,” Elain smiled and clapped her hands. “If only I could see more of my own sister on her birthday, but I suppose fancy breakfast and gifts will have to do.”

Nesta scowled at her younger sisters. “I told you both you could come with me tonight. I don’t care if you’re around my friends, really.”

Feyre made a face. “No, thanks. Not that your friends scare me or anything, but I have a hot date this evening.” She flushed at the idea of her boyfriend and Elain held back an eye roll. “I don’t,” Elain stated, “but I’m taking the night to myself. Don’t worry about us, go get wrecked tonight.”

“If you insist.” Nesta moved in for a goodbye hug, something Cassian knew she still had to force herself to initiate with her family. A chorus of happy birthdays and goodbyes went around, and then the sisters were pulling apart. Cassian watched contently from the threshold between the kitchen and living room, and straightened up once Feyre and Elain were gone and Nesta was turning back to him.

She pulled slowly at one of the small ties on the neckline of her blouse, letting it come undone. “So,” she said slowly. “It’s my birthday.”

Cassian was well-aware. He’d woken up an hour early this morning to show Nesta, slowly and thoroughly, just how glad he was that she’d been born. He wasn’t so lazy that he considered orgasms birthday presents, though, so he raised his brows at Nesta starting to undress in their living room.

“You want a repeat of this morning already? If I’m being honest, I thought there would be more variety on your birthday agenda.”

Nesta’s smile dropped at the same time her shirt dropped to the ground. “Don’t delude yourself, angel. I’m getting ready to change into my sweats so we can marathon Fangs and Bangs all day.” To prove her point, her jeans fell to the ground next, and she kicked them away before spinning around to head for their bedroom.

Cassian picked her clothes up and followed after her. “Wear whatever you want, sweetheart, but put a pin in that marathon plan.”

Nesta glanced at him with a frown. “Why?”

She didn’t actually think that Cassian hadn’t planned anything for her, did she? He huffed a laugh and chucked her clothes into a hamper. “I’m not going to be seeing you all night, which means,” he flicked her nose, “I have to give you my present now.”

Getting put on patrol duties the same night of Nesta’s birthday was not ideal, but if anything, it ensured that Cassian couldn’t chicken out of his plan at the last minute. The ring sat heavy in his pocket, and he would give it to her this afternoon no matter what.

Nesta glared at him, but it was halfhearted. “I told you not to get me anything,” she said. “There’s nothing I want today except spending time with you.”

“We are spending time together,” he promised. “Just not here.”

“Then where?”

***

Their destination was beyond the borders of the city, too far for Cassian to fly them. Their motorcycle ended up rumbling to a stop some hours later at the edges of a great sunflower field.

Nesta pulled off her helmet and stared in rare wonder. Yellow and green stalks spread out in every direction, touching the horizon and going on.

She turned to Cassian, a softness in her eyes that only he ever got to see. “I’ve never seen this place before.”

“Because you haven’t wandered more than twenty miles outside of the city in years,” he ribbed.

He led her to a clear space among the flowers that was laid down with a checkered picnic blanket and spread of food. Nesta glanced at Cassian, questioning.

“This field is private property,” he explained, “but I called in a favor ahead of time.”

Over a year of dating Cassian had taught Nesta how to be more familiar with sweet gestures and moments of vulnerability, but she still lacked the words to properly respond to this.

“It's very— thank you.” She cleared her throat.

Cassian only grinned and flicked her nose, a careless gesture that told her he understood how she was feeling without her having to say it.

Their lunch date was warm and full of light, two feelings that Nesta had been a foreigner to before meeting Cassian. She’d used to think she would never be fit for soft or pretty things, but here, eating strawberries in a sundress, she felt this was as pretty as life was ever going to get.

Not long after eating, Cassian’s hand found the back of Nesta’s calf, dragging up her bare leg and pulling until she was on her back, his hulking body stretched over her. Gasping for breath between laughter, Nesta succumbed to a barrage of kisses that soon moved lower, until her giggles turned into light moans.

“I love you, you know,” he whispered from between her legs.

A bright blue sky dotted with a few wispy clouds was her view while Cassian tortured her with his mouth, and her last thought before her eyes slipped shut and she slipped into release was How perfect.

***

In a shimmery dress layered with swaying fringe, Nesta picked through the dancing bodies of Vanir and mortals alike to get to the private area off to the back of The Seven Devils club.

Nesta had made the mistake of falling asleep in Cassian’s arms after their afternoon delight, and had woken up to the sky turning ablaze with the colors of the sunset and her phone buzzing insistently.

“What are you doing,” Amren demanded when she answered. “It takes you two hours to get ready and you’re an hour away from home. Did you forget we had plans tonight?”

“Shit— wait, how do you know where I am?” Nesta said as she began grabbing for things and starting to pack, Cassian watching in alarm.

“I know where everyone is,” the mercenary said. “Get your ass back to Crescent City now.”

“Wait— we’re leaving?” Cassian had said after Nesta hung up the phone. Nesta kept packing their picnic basket, trying to hurry before it got dark.

“Thank you so much for today, angel,” she paused to say to him. Grabbing his face with both hands, she put her gratefulness into a sweet kiss and hoped it would be enough. “But we need to go. Now.”

Cassian’s hand drifted to his pocket. He looked conflicted, angry, even, but he only nodded and led Nesta back to their motorcycle.

Once they were about to part ways hours later, Cassian for his job and Nesta for her party, she’d apologized to him once more.

“It's nothing,” he assured as he smoothed down her stray baby hairs. “I just thought we'd get more time together.” He leaned in to kiss her cheek with a smile. “But we already have lots of that, don't we?”

Now, at the black velvet rope tying off the reserved area, Emerie caught sight of Nesta and greeted her with a hoot. Nesta grinned.

“Over here, birthday girl.” A drink was shoved into Nesta’s hand as Emerie led her to the circle of couches where their friends awaited.

The usual group was there: Amren, Varian, Nuan, and some Aux guys she’d gotten to know while working for her firm. But a new face made her smile drop.

“Lucien,” Nesta said stiffly. She plopped down next to him on the couch, but pointedly ignored his mocking grin.

Elain had stayed home alone tonight just so Lucien and Nesta would have the chance to spend time on their own. Nesta still wasn't sure if she appreciated the gesture or not.

They had agreed, although reluctantly, that they would try to rekindle whatever they’d had in their teenage years. Lucien hadn’t participated in one of Nesta’s birthdays as anything other than Elain’s plus one in ages, and now… Nesta snorted to herself. It was like she was eighteen again.

“What’s so funny?” Lucien asked.

“Your face.”

A crumpled straw wrapper bounced off Lucien’s head before he could reach over and pinch Nesta. “No one's tackling anyone into the cake tonight, or else it's over for the both of you,” Amren warned. Her threats were mild, but both Nesta and Lucien knew enough about what Amren did for a living to shut up and go back to ignoring each other.

Music pounded, and while her friends chatted excitedly about meeting up after so long, Nesta eyed her drink in consideration. There was no amount of alcohol in the world that would ever get her to play nice with Lucien Vanserra, but maybe a few drinks wouldn't hurt.

She took a deep swig.

***

Nesta and Lucien drunkenly stumbled out of the club, giggling while holding each other up.

“We should call a cab,” Nesta said.

“No— let's walk!” Lucien gasped. “It’s so nice out tonight.”

“Yes, yes,” Nesta nodded adamantly. “Good idea, you're so smart, Lucien.”

It was far past two in the morning, and the rest of Nesta's group had scattered like roaches over the course of the night. Many of them had left her with a big smacking kiss on her cheek and a final birthday wish; Amren had dragged Varian into a dark corner some while ago and hadn't been seen since.

Her pile of presents, most of the gifts being either wildly inappropriate or outright hilarious, had been whisked away with the help of fae magic back to her and Cassian’s apartment. She only hoped Cassian didn't return home before her and find them.

Nesta had forgotten how much fun partying with Lucien was like. They hadn't danced— or drank— together like that in years. And the huge stuffed dolphin he’d gifted her hadn't hurt. She hadn’t slept with one of those babies since she moved out of her childhood home, but he had remembered her favorite animal anyway.

Now, she leaned her head against his arm as they set off in a random direction, trying not to topple over in her high heels.

They made it only a couple of blocks before Nesta decided that fresh air was not as nice as Lucien had promised. With every breeze, a discomforting nausea grew, and the longer she walked, the more aware she was of the sharp pressure on her bladder.

“Lucien,” she finally whined, “I have to pee.”

“Hold it until we get home.”

Nesta blinked and for the first time, looked around at their surroundings. How many blocks had they walked again?

The buildings had become worn down and older, and neon lights flickered over dim alleyways. The trees that usually lined every sidewalk curb had virtually disappeared. Even while seeing double, Nesta knew something was off. “Luc,” she said slowly, “where are we?”

“Uhhh…” Brown eyes squinted up at the decaying buildings. He was drunk out of his mind. “We’re close to the Old Square, I swear.”

But Nesta recognized this area, even if she had no clue where they were exactly. “This isn’t the Old Square.” Her grip tightened on Lucien’s arm. “We’re in the Meat Market, Lucien.”

They were both quiet for a moment. Then Lucien said, “Oops.”

Oops was an understatement. They were on the other fucking side of town— the bad side of town. The shadows in the alleys had suddenly elongated, becoming darker as if they were hiding nefarious activities. The buildings seemed to stretch and curve, and it took Nesta a heartracing moment to realize that was just what alcohol did to her vision. There were no monstrous creatures, at least not this far out on the edges of the Meat Market. The crime-ridden district wasn't anything a straightminded Nesta would have ever feared, but in her current state—

“Ohh, now I’m really gonna be sick,” she muttered.

“I thought you had to pee?”

“I need to do both.” Gagging on bile, Nesta sprinted to the nearest bush to empty out the contents of her stomach. She just barely missed her dress and shoes with her aim, but she was no amateur. At least her hair had stayed in its ponytail.

“Gross,” Lucien mumbled from somewhere behind her.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Nesta closed her eyes as her insides clenched once more. When she could breathe clearly again, she rasped, “Don't look.” She started wriggling her panties down her legs. In any other state, she would have felt bad for the lone bush, but now she was just grateful that this road was seemingly deserted.

Inebriated Lucien seemed to handle urine better than vomit, because he only crossed his arms and stood guard by Nesta while she did her business, as if he could protect her in case anyone walked by (he could not, but she thought it was sweet of him to try).

When she finished, Nesta was disappointed to find that she had not sobered up in the slightest. Clarity danced right on the edges of her grasp, but she was too exhausted to reach for it. Also, her feet were killing her.

Swaying, Lucien tugged on her hand and began pulling her along. “C’mon, we’ll call a ride home and find somewhere to wait.”

“Mm, good idea.”

Lucien pulled his phone out, and Nesta paused in the middle of the road to unstrap her shoes and kick them off. Gravel bit into her bare feet, and she shivered while Lucien sloppily tapped at his phone. She hadn't noticed the cold so much while she was still having fun, but suddenly it was freezing.

After a painfully long moment of silence, Lucien finally said, “Uhh… my phone’s dead.”

Nesta hissed, but was too tired to curse him. She wrangled her own phone out of her purse, hopping back and forth on her toes. The gravel almost hurt more than her shoes, and she was pretty sure the roads were littered with glass.

Turning her phone on, she made it all the way to Cassian’s contact info when she noticed the lack of bars on the corner of her screen. She clicked on his number anyway, hoping she could reach her boyfriend through whatever obstacles technology threw at her.

Of course, the call didn't go through. An animalistic noise escaped through her gritted teeth.

Lucien jumped in fright, his gaze still hazy and out of it. “What was that?”

“The sound I make when there's no fucking signal and we're both fucking lost.”

“Wha—? Gimme that.” Lucien sloppily swiped for her phone and missed, his hand passing through the air two feet in front of Nesta. Nesta ignored him and kept tapping at her phone, starting to walk in a random direction. “There has to be a signal somewhere,” she laughed somewhat high-pitched. “You can't have organized crime without a strong mobile network, right?”

After a few minutes, however, it became clear that whatever reception the drug lords and gang members were using, Nesta couldn't get it.

Hopelessness and bone deep exhaustion setting in, she started weeping, her shoulders shaking.

“Nooo,” Lucien slurred, trying to pull her up from where she crouched on the ground, her hands over her face. “Don't cry, Nesta, ’s’your birthday.”

“It’s not my birthday anymore,” Nesta sobbed. “It's the day after and we’re lost and we’re this close to getting mugged by a gang of vampires. And it's all because you have terrible ideas.” She cried harder.

“You’ve gotta get up.” Lucien tugged at her again, letting out a whiny grunt when she didn't move. “Why are you so heavy?”

Nesta wasn't moving because he was not, in fact, pulling at her very hard. Lucien was incredibly dizzy, though, and he wanted nothing but to be back home with Elain while he regained his senses.

As he was about to give up, a great boom sounded, and a dark hulking figure dropped down onto the street before them.

“AHH, A HUGE BIRD!” Lucien shrieked and stumbled backward into Nesta.

Another winged shadow dropped from the sky, landing beside the first.

“TWO HUGE BIRDS!”

Nesta blinked, finally looking up, only to shove Lucien off herself and drunkenly run forward. She hurled herself into the arms of the first figure. “Cassian!” she cried with relief.

“Are you okay?” Her boyfriend's voice was urgent. “How’d you get all the way out here?”

“We got lost,” she wept deliriously.

“Soso lost,” Lucien slurred from behind her.

Off to the side, she heard the familiar eternally-exhausted sigh of Azriel, second-in-command of the 33rd Imperial Legion. “I’ll take that one home,” his deep voice muttered. He gestured with his chin to Lucien.

He moved to hold the fae male upright, but Lucien smacked Azriel’s arms away. “Get your ’ands off me, Ihaveagirlfriend.”

Cassian bundled Nesta up in his arms and swept her off her aching feet. “Can you handle flying, or are you gonna be sick?”

“Uhnnn…” Her head was still throbbing and spinning, but her stomach had already been emptied out into those bushes. “I’m okay,” she lied. “Take me home, Cass.”

He still looked concerned, but was about to shoot into the sky when Nesta gasped, “Wait, my shoes!”

In the background, Lucien was now poking at the toned bicep of the arm keeping him upright. “Woah there, big guy,” he said. “You single or somethin’?”

“You just said you have a girlfriend.”

“Well, we're lookin’ foraboyfriend.”

Before Azriel could respond, Cassian gritted his teeth and called for him.

“Get her shoes,” Cassian gestured. Without letting go of Lucien, Azriel bent to pick up Nesta's heels and turned and walked the both of them back to where Cassian and Nesta waited.

Nesta gratefully accepted her heels and rested them on her stomach, so her hand was free to reach out and rest on Lucien’s face. It was more of a light slap, but the affection was there. “’m so glad we did this,” she said, sleep and liquor weaved through her words.

“So am I,” Lucien mumbled tiredly. He leaned in with a kiss aimed for her forehead, which ended up glancing off the side of her nose. “See you.”

“Bye-bye,” she said quietly, and then Lucien and Azriel were off in the opposite direction, and Cassian and Nesta were in the air.

***

Back in the warmth of their apartment, Cassian helped Nesta stumble toward the bedroom, pulling her away from the living area before she could collapse onto the couch and not get up again.

Herding Nesta onto the bed, Cassian got to work on shimmying her minidress down her body. “You’ve had quite the night,” he noted as he pulled off her dress and reached to unhook her pushup bra. “Good birthday?”

“Would’ve been even better with you,” Nesta said sweetly. His heart caught at the sleepy smile she gave him, and he cursed the ring weighing down his pocket for the hundredth time that day. He would have to wait for the right moment— again.

Nesta started babbling drunkenly about how fun her night had been, and then how terrible it had become, and how much more she liked Lucien now, even if he did have terrible ideas, before eventually circling back around to the topic of presents. “I can’t wait to show you what I got.” She tried winking at him, but in her state, it was just a very slow blink.

Cassian had indeed spied a red scrap of lace sticking out of a gift bag on his way through the living room, but lingerie was the last concern on his mind right now. “I’m glad you had fun with Lucien,” he said honestly as he eased Nesta into one of his T-shirts.

“Will you get me his gift?” she yawned. “It’s the soft…” she struggled for the word, “big fishy. Go get it, Cass.”

Chuckling lowly, Cassian dutifully searched the living room until he spotted a freakishly life-sized stuffed dolphin. When he returned to their bedroom with it in tow, Nesta was dead asleep.

Carefully, he tucked the plush dolphin next to her head before covering her with a throw blanket.

Yes, Cassian had ended up being the only person who hadn't given Nesta a present— not her real present, anyway. But perhaps it was for the best, he thought as he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her sore feet into his lap. Nothing about the woman in front of him was worth rushing, and as long as she was happy tonight, tomorrow, and all the days after…

Well, what more could Cassian want for?

***

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @sensitiveillyrian @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool

[huttons]

Dancing Alone || Tyson Jost

word count: 10.6k

summary: Avery hasn’t been close to her parents in a long time, so moving to Denver to be closer to her sister wasn’t that hard of a choice to make. There she meets Tyson Jost, who somehow manages to sneak his way into her life and change her life in ways she would never expect.

author’s note: this was written for @antoineroussel​ as part of my follower celebration! I hope you enjoy it :’) also ty to @darthsuboptimal​ for being my beta for this <3

warnings: dealing with homophobia (specifically homophobic parents), mainly towards the end of the imagine

~ ~ ~

“I opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn’t.” — Khaled Hosseini

Avery had the chance to move anywhere she wanted to, start over fresh in any large city. But in the end, she decides to go to Denver to be near her oldest sister. The thought of having someone there to support her after graduating university is too tempting to turn down. Besides, Luna offered for her to stay in her apartment as Avery found a place to live.

“How did you manage to get so many clothes?” Luna groans as she brings in Avery’s last suitcase.

Avery snorts. “I honestly have no idea. But I swear half the coats came from Joan because she said I’d need them coming here.”

“Well, she’s not wrong,” Luna sighs. “At least you’ll have the summer to prepare before winter comes.”

“I guess that’s good,” Avery says, looking over all the things she has to unpack now. “God, I’m not looking forward to doing this all over again when I find my own place.”

“Maybe we’ll hire a moving company,” Luna jokes. “But no thinking about that now, I just got you here.”

Avery smiles. “Yeah, I guess you’re stuck with me for a bit.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it, okay? Dinner will probably be around 6 or so, if that’s okay.”

“Of course. That should give me enough time to get mostly sorted.”

After Luna leaves the room, Avery sighs. Knowing that things won’t unpack themselves, she decides to start with her clothes. She gets lost in refolding everything and trying to figure out an organization method for the dresser and closet. Even though it’s headed into the middle of summer, Avery makes sure to hang up her winter jackets first, knowing that they’ll come in handy sooner than she’d like.

Before she knows it, Luna is calling her into the kitchen for dinner. They mostly start talking about Avery’s drive over from Portland, and confirming that Avery got everything sorted before making the move. It’s everything that she was expecting Luna to check up on, being the most organized out of the two.

“Now, you said you had an interview lined up?” Luna inquires, curious.

“Oh, yeah, it’s at this local plant shop. I’d basically be helping their marketing and sales, then helping up in the front on occasion. Nothing too fancy, but it sounded like fun,” Avery answers. “Better than going back into retail full-time at the very least.”

“You’re not wrong there,” Luna sighs. “Do you want any practice or some help with your outfit? Or did you already get it sorted?”

“I think I’m good,” Avery says hesitantly. “I feel good about it, anyways.”

“Alright then, but if you change your mind tomorrow, let me know,” Luna replies. “Because-”

“There’s never any shame in being too prepared,” Avery finishes. “I know.”

Luna laughs. “Good to see you still have me memorized.”

“Of course I do,” Avery snorts. 

The rest of the night passes easily, and Avery enjoys every second of being back with her sister. It was hard going to university so far away from her family, but she wanted the freedom that it provided. After the initial homesickness had passed, she knew that she had made the right decision, as it allowed her to become more confident in herself in a way that would have never happened with her parents around.

When Avery’s interview rolls around, she feels nervous and a bit flustered. Sure, this might not be the job she imagined getting right after graduation, but it would still be something she’d enjoy. There was a reason she chose to major in plant biology at least. 

As Avery walks into the shop, she’s greeted by the slightly humid air and freshly watered soil. It feels relaxing, a small reminder of her university’s greenhouse. She almost forgets that she’s here for an interview, and not to look around at all of the plants.

“Are you Avery?” someone inquires.

Avery turns around and sees an older woman, dressed in casual clothing. She smiles and nods in response.

“Yeah, that’d be me,” Avery replies. “And you’re...Helen?”

“You’re correct. Now, come and follow me to the back so we can talk in peace.”

Avery follows her back, and isn’t surprised by the tiny office area in the back. It’s mostly filled with compost and other plants, and a small table just in the corner. She notices two small rooms off to the side, but they don’t take up too much space. Helen takes a seat at the table, so Avery takes the chair right across from her. 

“I know this isn’t much, but we’re doing the best we can,” Helen says. “Now, I wanted to ask you about your school, especially since it isn’t marketing based.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Avery replies, nervous.

Over the next forty-five minutes, Helen questions Avery on a wide variety of subjects. While quite a few have to do with the main functions of the position, she also asks about Avery’s knowledge of plants. That’s when Avery starts to feel a bit more in her element and feels more confident in her answers.

“Well, it was awfully nice meeting you,” Helen says. “I still have a couple other people to meet with, but I’ll let you know any decisions in a week or so.”

“Thank you so much,” Avery replies. “I hope you have a great rest of your day.”

As she exits the shop, she feels like there’s a weight lifted off of her shoulders. Avery feels like she did as well as she could have, especially given the circumstances. When she gets back to the apartment, Luna left out a small spread for lunch with a cute post-it note left on top. Smiling, Avery tucks the note into her pocket to hold onto.

Luna comes back later that night with Indian takeout, knowing that it’s Avery’s favorite. After they get their plates sorted, they head into the living room to watch sometime on Netflix. Nothing gets brought up about the interview, Luna knowing that Avery will mention it when she’s ready. She doesn’t say anything until after she’s eaten most of her food.

“I think it went well,” Avery says quietly. “Like, I felt good during it, but I don’t know if I was who she was looking for.”

“Just means you’ll get the chance to look for something else that might be better,” Luna replies easily. “I know you’ll find something soon.”

Avery sighs. “I hope so.”

A few days go by, and as Avery waits to hear back from the plant shop, she starts to settle more into the apartment and Denver. She’s only visited Luna here a couple of times, so Avery tries to make a list of places she wants to visit. The thought of starting her life here is exciting as it is terrifying, but she hopes that it pays off.

Before she knows it, Avery gets a call from Helen saying that she got the job. Helen wants her to come in the next week to start learning the ropes on how the shop is run. Avery feels overwhelmed, but is excited that she managed to get the position. It makes Denver feel just a bit more like home.

“Looks like I’m really stuck with you now,” Luna jokes after Avery tells her. 

“How unfortunate,” Avery replies, smiling softly. 

By the time her first day of work rolls around, Avery feels a bit more settled into life in Denver. As all first days are, she’s completely overwhelmed with all of the information she has to take in, but she knows it’ll be worth it. Helen seems wonderful, as well as the other people Avery meets throughout the day.

Avery is a little surprised that she gets her own office, but she supposes it makes sense if she’ll be spending a lot of her time in the shop. Even if she does have to spend a lot of time up in the front working with customers, it’ll feel nice to be connected to part of the community. Besides, Avery knows that she doesn’t do well spending too much time by herself.

As the summer passes, Avery finds herself settling in more and more into Denver. Everyday she’s more grateful that she moved here instead of going back home with her parents. Sometimes she wonders if Luna already figured out why she wanted to get as far away from their parents as possible. It wouldn’t be a surprise since Luna still calls them on occasion, but she never says anything to Avery.

They make it all the way until October before Luna gently brings up the holidays, curious as to what Avery’s plans are. On the surface, it’s a simple question, but Avery really knows what Luna is trying to get at.

“I mean, I was hoping to stay here. I don’t really want to go back home,” Avery says reluctantly. “And before you say anything, there’s no way mom and dad didn’t tell you about what happened.”

“They tried to, but I told them I wanted to hear it from you first,” Luna replies. “And you don’t have to tell me now, though it would be nice to have some context.”

Avery sighs. “It’s just...it’s really nothing, and I blew it out of proportion, but things have been weird ever since. I just don’t know how to fix it.”

Luna gives her an encouraging look, but doesn’t say anything, knowing that Avery will say as much as she wants to.

“Well, they found out that I was dating a girl, and mom totally freaked out on me. She started crying because she felt like I couldn’t trust her with something like that and started guilt tripping me,” Avery explains. “It only got worse when I told her that she wasn’t entitled to know that I was bi. And dad obviously backed her up on all of this.”

“That...sounds like something they would do,” Luna says. “But they were okay with it, right? Or…”

Avery shrugs. “They refused to talk about it after that, and I got mad that they seemed to act weird about it. Mom just said it was because I said she didn’t need to know, so she was going to pretend like it isn’t a part of me.”

“I’m starting to understand where this is all going. I think they’re just not sure how to handle you not being straight, but that’s not your problem. That most definitely explains why mom keeps asking about your dating life when she calls.”

“Are you serious?” Avery groans. “I’m still trying to find friends, much less someone to date.”

Luna laughs. “That’s what I keep telling her. Like please, I’m still your only non-work friend and you’ve been here for almost four months now.”

“How else am I supposed to make friends though?” Avery exclaims. “Nobody told me it’d be this hard to make friends.”

“Welcome to adulthood, my dear sister,” Luna says, smiling brightly. “Now, back to the original subject: holidays. I was thinking about going home if I could get the time off from pediatrics, but if you’re staying here, I’ll stay here.”

Avery frowns. “You don’t have to stay here just because I’m going to be here.”

“Please, I’m not going to make you stay here by yourself.”

“I’ve done holidays by myself before, I don’t mind doing it again this year,” Avery points out.

Luna rolls her eyes. “Look, you’re here now and we’ll make the most of it, okay? I’ll probably have to work either Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I don’t want you to be completely alone.”

“Thank you,” Avery says quietly, smiling a little bit.

She knows that it’s probably only a small concession on Luna’s part, but Avery appreciates it anyway. It’s been a long time since she’s done anything special for any of the major holidays, so she feels excited in a way she hasn’t felt in a long time.

Over the next few weeks, Avery starts to settle into a routine at the plant shop. The days pass quickly, and she feels more confident in her decision to come to Denver. She starts to meet more people through her work as well, and it feels nice to be able to find other people to talk to besides Luna.

It's early Monday morning, a time where Avery normally focuses on doing some work out in the front, when she meets a new customer. He comes in looking a bit frazzled, and he gives Avery a slightly panicked smile when he sees her.

“Hi, welcome in! Is there something I can help you with?” she inquires. 

“Uh, yeah, I was hoping you could help me with a floral arrangement. It’s a little last minute but I need it as soon as possible,” he explains. “Oh! I’m Tyson by the way.”

He sticks out his hand, and Avery shakes it, laughing a little.

“So...what kind of arrangement are we looking for? Something for your girlfriend?” Avery asks. 

“Oh, no, it’s for my mom,” Tyson replies.

“Any idea what kind of flowers she likes?”

Tyson blushes. “No, I don’t. But she really likes purple?”

“I’m sure I can get something together. We’re kind of limited since these are the last of our flowers for the season, and we only keep fresh flowers for our arrangements.”

Avery leads him over to a case that only has a few bouquets left, and there aren’t that many flowers that bloom this late in the year. She lets out a sigh when she spots the gladiolus, knowing that it’s a great plant to have, even if it doesn’t last extremely long after being picked. Still, if this is a last minute thing for Tyson, it probably doesn’t need to hold perfect for too long. After grabbing it out of the case, she holds it in a way to show it off.

“You’re lucky that we had people growing these flowers this year. They normally don’t go into any arrangements since they bloom so late into the season,” Avery explains. “But we have a couple others that might work, I just figured this was a good first shot.”

“No, this should be perfect,” Tyson replies. “How much?”

“Should be about $50,” Avery answers. 

Tyson nods, so she takes that as confirmation that it’s a good price. She leads him over to the register and rings him up. After she hands him the bouquet, he heads off with a bright smile, and looks slightly less panicked. Avery doesn’t think much of it at the time, but she does note that he was kind of attractive.

The following week, around the same time, Tyson comes in again, looking just as nervous as the first time. Avery gives him a small smile as she saves her work and comes over to help him.

“Did your mom like the flowers?” Avery inquires, genuinely curious. 

“Oh! She loved them, said they were really pretty,” Tyson says.

Avery smiles. “Good to know that I haven’t lost my touch then. Now, what can I help you with today?”

“My sister said she wanted something too. Not an arrangement or anything, but a house plant? I don’t really know where to start though,” Tyson replies with a small frown.

“Does she have any plants already?”

“No, not that I know of. So...something easy to take care of I guess. And maybe something that doesn’t need a ton of sunlight because I don’t know how much she gets in her apartment. Also something that I can ship in the mail?” 

“Maybe a snake plant? I have some relatively small ones that might be able to ship well if you pack it right,” Avery replies. “And they’re pretty easy to care for, even if they need a little bit of sunlight.”

“That sounds great,” Tyson says. “Um, if I bring it by, could you help me pack it?”

“I - sure?” Avery replies, uncertain. 

“I can pay you for it, I just don’t trust myself to do it on my own,” Tyson says, laughing.

“No, don’t worry about paying me for it. Just make sure you bring packing supplies and a box that the plant can fit in.”

Tyson nods happily as Avery goes to grab one of the smaller snake plants. She’s not totally certain how well it’ll ship, but she hopes that she does good enough. And if Tyson is so intent on paying her, maybe she can convince him to spend his money on priority shipping instead. The quicker it gets to his sister, the better.

“That’ll be $15,” Avery says after ringing up the plant. 

“Perfect, thank you. Are you going to be here later this week?”

“Yeah, I’m here Monday through Friday, although I might be back in the office and not up front. Just ask for me.”

“And...what’s your name?”

Avery blushes. “Oh, my name’s Avery! Sorry, I didn’t realize I never introduced myself.”

“No, you’re fine. Thank you so much for helping me.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Avery replies, shrugging.

Tyson makes his way out of the store, and Avery lets out a big sigh. She knows that small things like this are important when running a small business, but she can’t believe that she agreed to package a plant for some random customer. At least it’ll be something interesting to help break up her day.

On Wednesday, Remy comes to her office, letting her know that Tyson has come by asking for her. It might be against shop protocol, but Avery tells him to just send Tyson to the back, figuring that it’d be easier to do this in the back. When Remy comes back, he’s leading a slightly confused Tyson, who’s holding the plant, a bunch of newspapers, and a box.

“You can set everything down here,” Avery says, pointing out the lone table. “I can help you get everything sorted much easier than in my office.”

Remy gives them a curious look, but lets them do their thing.

“Thank you so much,” Tyson says. “I feel dumb not being able to do this on my own, but I know I’d find a way to mess this up. And I really don’t need another reason for Kacey to make fun of me.”

“I’m guessing Kacey is your sister?” Avery asks. “And I mean, I feel like she’s going to tease you anyways. That’s what sisters are best at, aren’t they?”

Tyson lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m guessing you have sisters?”

“Just one older sister. She’s actually the whole reason I came to Denver. Wanted to be closer to her.”

“That’s nice,” Tyson says quietly. “I moved out here for work.”

“Denver’s not a bad place to end up.”

“No, it really isn’t.”

They keep up the small talk as Avery helps Tyson pack up the plant. She’s almost certain that he could have done this himself, but she appreciates the company and change of pace. They talk a lot about their favorite parts of Denver, and by the time Tyson heads out, Avery has a long list of places to check out.

“I really appreciate this,” Tyson says before leaving.

“It’s really no problem, but I’m glad that you stopped by anyways,” Avery replies.

When Avery arrives back home, Luna gives her a look, knowing that something is up. Avery might have mentioned Tyson a couple of times to her, and attempted to be casual about it. As much as she doesn’t admit it, she also knows that Luna knows her best.

“Tyson came in today,” Avery sighs, knowing she should just get the subject out of the way.

“And?” Luna asks.

“And nothing. I just helped him like I said I would.”

“Okay…and?”

“We hung out in the back and talked a little bit. I swear it was nothing, we were just talking about some of our favorite places here in Denver.”

“Well, that’s a shame. Maybe you’ll get to see him again.”

Avery groans and flops down on the couch. “Nothing’s going to happen, Luna. First of all, he’s a customer and second of all, we’ve hardly interacted! I don’t even know what he does for work or what his last name is.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t have a little bit of fun.”

“Ugh, please remind me why I’m still living with you?”

“Because you love it,” Luna replies, smiling brightly. “Anyways, if you insist that it’s nothing, I’ll drop it. I just get excited for you.”

“I know you do, but I promise everything is going well. I haven’t even been here six months yet,” Avery points out.

“I suppose you’re right.”

Thankfully, Luna drops the subject, knowing that Avery moves on her own time when it comes to meeting new people. Besides, Avery thinks that she won’t be seeing Tyson anymore, unless his sister insists on him getting her another plant. Even then, it’s no guarantee that he’ll want to see her again.

Turns out, she doesn’t have to wait too long to have her questions answered. It’s only a couple of weeks later when Tyson comes into the shop with a couple of other people. Avery assumes their friends by the way they’re joking around with each other. When Tyson sees her, he smiles brightly, and seems to blush, but Avery brushes that off as nothing.

“Nice to see you in here again,” Avery says. “Who are your friends here?”

“Oh, this is JT and Alexander. We work with the same company,” Tyson answers.

“That’s fun,” Avery replies, noticing that JT and Alexander are giving Tyson weird looks. “So, anything special that you’re coming in for? Is your sister demanding more plants already?”

“No, uh, actually no,” Tyson replies. “Um…”

“Did...did you want a plant? I’m sure I can find something that works well with your schedule,” Avery says.

“He wants to ask you out on a date,” JT blurts out.

“JT,” Tyson hisses. “I was going to ask you that, but not like that, I swear.”

Alexander rolls his eyes. “Please, you would have never asked her out.”

“Uh…” Avery says awkwardly. “Can I speak to Tyson by himself please?”

JT and Alexander at least look a little bit ashamed of themselves, and head out of the shop. There’s a few moments of silence where Avery and Tyson just kind of look at each other, neither quite sure what to say. 

“So, uh, I’m really sorry about them,” Tyson apologizes. “I brought them for moral support, not to actually do that.”

“No, it’s...well, it’s not really okay, but I get it,” Avery replies.

“I’ll leave if you want me to, I really didn’t mean to make things weird.”

“Let’s meet at that coffee shop you were telling me about. I get off work at 4pm today, so I shouldn’t take too long to get there. You can have one redo,” Avery says. 

“Okay, that should work, I promise it won’t be so weird,” Tyson replies gratefully.

After he leaves the shop, Avery lets out a heavy sigh. She’s not totally sure what to make of what just happened, and tries to let it sink it. Despite what it might come off as, it’s not like she’s opposed to going on a date with Tyson, it just felt like a weird situation to be put into, especially since she’s still getting to know him.

Once she clocks out and locks up the shop, she makes her way over to the cafe. There’s a small part of her that wishes she could have had the chance to change, but her apartment is too far for that. It’s also a little bit annoying having to carry around her work bag, and while Avery is sure nothing would happen to it, she doesn’t want to leave it in the shop.

When she gets there, she doesn’t see Tyson yet, so she goes and orders something before grabbing a seat in the corner. At the very least, there’s a little bit of privacy since the chairs aren’t right next to anyone else. If he’s going to insist on asking Avery out properly, she doesn’t necessarily want anyone else overhearing.

Thankfully, Avery doesn’t have to wait long after grabbing her drink and sandwich for Tyson to walk in. He smiles brightly when he sees her. Instead of going to order something for himself, he sits next to her.

“Do you not want to order anything first?” Avery inquires, frowning a little.

“No, I ate not too long ago, so I’m fine. Besides, I probably shouldn’t be having caffeine this late in the day, I have an early morning tomorrow,” Tyson explains. “So, uh, before I try to make up for earlier, I wanted to tell you something I think you should know first.”

“Ah, is this when you tell me that you’re a serial killer?” Avery jokes.

Tyson laughs a little, noticeably nervous. “Um, no. I’m actually a professional athlete? I play hockey for the Avalanche here. It’s why I moved to Denver in the first place.”

“That’s...pretty cool. Except for the fact that I know absolutely nothing about hockey.”

“I kind of figured since you didn’t know who I was, but I also didn’t want to assume.”

Avery shrugs. “I mean, that’s a pretty big accomplishment.”

“Yeah, guess so,” Tyson replies, blushing a little bit. “So, um, I was planning on having this cute speech and everything to make up for earlier, but I kind of forgot it?”

“Please, you don’t need a whole speech. That’s a little much, don’t you think?” Avery snorts. 

“I suppose so. I just felt bad. And I also felt bad that JT said that while you were at work, I know that puts you in a weird position. Although I guess me asking you if you want to get coffee sometime isn’t much better,” Tyson replies, frowning a little.

“At least I know you a bit more than your friend,” Avery points out.

“That’s...also true,” Tyson sighs. “Well, since we’re already here, would you like to get dinner sometime? Like...as a date?”

Avery laughs a little. Despite knowing that this was a very real option, it still feels a bit unreal being asked out. Before the nervous excitement completely takes over, she remembers that she needs to give him an answer. 

“Yeah, I think I can do that. I’m off most days after 4pm and I don’t work the weekends,” Avery replies.

“Maybe next week? If you give me your number, I’m sure we could figure something out.”

“Sounds good.”

After exchanging their numbers, they hang out for a bit longer, before Avery says she could be heading back home. She didn’t tell Luna about this, so she knows that her sister is probably wondering where she’s at. As they head out of the cafe, Tyson stops awkwardly, not quite sure how to say goodbye. Avery rolls her eyes, and pulls him into a hug. He holds her tightly for a moment before letting her go.

The second Avery walks back into the apartment, Luna is bombarding her with questions. She knows that her sister means well, so she lets it all slide and explains what happened.

“Oh, that’s exciting,” Luna says with a wide smile. “I can’t believe you didn’t know he was a professional athlete, though.”

“You know I don’t watch sports. Although I guess that’s going to have to change if this date goes well,” Avery sighs. 

“Please, I’m sure it’s going to go great. You just have to have a little bit of faith,” Luna says. “And I honestly can’t believe you got a date before finding non-work friends.”

“I don’t see you having non-work friends and you’ve lived here longer than I have,” Avery replies, squinting her eyes a little bit. 

Luna sighs dramatically. “I suppose you’re right.”

Over the next couple of days, she and Tyson text constantly, both wanting to get to know the other person better. She knows that they’re probably doing this a little bit out of order, but it is nice that she knows what Tyson wants out of this. Otherwise, she knows that she would probably be left a ball of nerves, wondering if it was going to turn into anything else.

It’s a couple weeks before Tyson officially asks her on a dinner date, and Avery feels good about it. Sure, she still feels a bit nervous, but if she’s learned anything, it’s that Tyson always finds something to talk about and keeps the conversation rolling. So at the very least, there won’t be too many awkward silences.

Tyson insists on picking Avery up, wanting to make sure that the whole night goes perfect. He’s right on time at 5pm, and smiles brightly when he sees Avery walk out of the apartment complex. 

“You look great,” Tyson says. “Way to make me feel underdressed.”

Avery rolls her eyes. “I’m sure your shirt cost more than this whole outfit.”

“I don’t think so,” Tyson replies, looking a little bit concerned. 

Avery laughs a little. “I was just kidding.”

Tyson blushes as he opens the door for Avery. She smiles softly in thanks, and then they’re off. As he drives towards the restaurant, she notices that it’s in a nice part of downtown, although she’s not that surprised. When she was looking the place up to check out the menu, she made note of how nice it was. It might be an attempt to impress her, but she’s not complaining.

Once they’re seated, Avery takes a quick look around her, and starts to feel a bit out of place. She does her best to take it all in stride, though. 

“You’re doing good at trying to impress me,” Avery jokes.

“Really?” Tyson asks, obviously a little bit stressed.

“Yeah, not too shabby. But you really don’t need to do this, I promise.”

“I know, I just still feel like I need to make up for my friends.”

Avery laughs a little. “Consider it made up then.”

Thankfully, dinner goes well, both of them enjoying talking in person. Avery finds herself feeling more comfortable as the night goes on, and loves how easy it is to get along with Tyson. He just makes everything feel simple, and it’s endearingly earnest. By the end of the night, she feels content in a way she hasn’t felt in a while.

“I had a great time tonight,” Avery says. 

“So, that would be a yes to a second date?” Tyson inquires hopefully.

“Yeah, I think I can make that work,” Avery answers, smiling brightly.

As Tyson drives Avery back to her apartment, there’s a lull in the conversation. The silence is comfortable, and she doesn’t feel the need to fill it. When he parks his car in the apartment parking lot, he smiles at her again.

“I’m really happy you had a good time,” Tyson says softly.

He quickly kisses Avery on her cheek, then blushes deeply.

“Yeah, I’m excited for round two. Maybe you can invite me to one of your games,” Avery jokes, blushing just as hard as Tyson.

“Oh, you’d want to come?” Tyson inquires, hopeful.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s your job and everything. Has the season already started?”

“No, but we have a preseason game here next week if you’d want to come? It’s on Wednesday. And maybe you can bring your sister so that you have someone there with you.”

“Yeah, that would actually be amazing.”

“I’ll leave you tickets.”

“No, don’t worry about that. I’m sure Luna and I could figure something out,” Avery insists.

“It’s really not that hard for me. Besides, I want to make sure you get good seats.”

“Okay,” Avery says softly. “Can I make sure Luna is free first, though? I want to make sure before I commit to anything.”

“Of course,” Tyson replies. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye, Tyson,” Avery says as she heads out.

When Avery gets back up to the apartment, it’s quiet. She groans, forgetting that Luna has an overnight shift tonight since she agreed to cover for a coworker. This just means it’ll be a day or so before Avery can ask about the game since Luna will crash as soon as she gets back to the apartment.

All through her shift the following day, Avery just feels herself thrumming with excitement from the previous night. Helen even remarks on it, joking that she can feel Avery’s emotions from the other side of the store.

“Oh, um, I’m sorry,” Avery apologizes. “I just had a good night last night.”

“Wouldn’t happen to be a date, now would it? I’m old enough to recognize that look on your face anywhere,” Helen says, smirking.

Avery flushes immediately. “Uh, you might be right.”

“Why don’t you tell me about him? They must be pretty great to get you all flustered.”

And so this is how Avery ends up spilling all of the details to her boss. Helen listens patiently, asking only a couple of questions. Before she knows it, almost an hour has passed.

“I - oh, sorry for taking up your time,” Avery says. “I didn’t mean to talk for that long.”

“We can always finish whatever we have another time. Nothing replaces a good conversation, does it?”

“No, I suppose not. I just didn’t even know I could talk that long about him.”

Helen laughs. “Sometimes people take us by complete surprise. Tyson seems like a good person, and I’m glad you met him.”

“Yeah, me too,” Avery says quietly, with a small smile.

When Avery gets back to the apartment that night, Luna is obviously just waking up. She’s still wearing her pajamas, and is only barely put together. Not like Avery can blame her, she can’t imagine having to work overnight in a children’s hospital.

“How do you feel about takeout? Nothing we have here sounds good,” Luna asks groggily. “And I just want something that’ll actually last a few days.”

“That sounds good. Does Indian work? I can call to put in our order.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

An hour later, the two of them are curled up on the couch together watching some sitcom. Avery waits a little bit to bring up her date with Tyson, knowing that Luna needs some time to be at full processing capabilities. Besides, it’s not like she gets much time to just hang out with her sister all that often anyways.

“Wait, you had your date last night, didn’t you?” Luna inquires after she finishes her good. “How’d it go?”

“Oh, uh, it went a lot better than I was expecting. He was really great and I just felt like we got along well,” Avery says. 

“So I’m guessing there’ll be a second date?” Luna teases.

Avery blushes. “Yeah, you’d be right.”

“I’m glad you’re happy,” Luna says softly. “Whenever I’d talk to you while you were in uni, you always sounded so tired and angry. And I hope you’re happy here with me.”

“Of course I am,” Avery replies. “You’ve been nothing but amazing, and this is home now.”

Luna smiles. “That’s good to hear.”

Their conversation lapses into silence and Avery reflects on it. It’s true - Denver has become her new home and she’s truly happy for the first time in a long time. This is one of the first times she hasn’t had to think about her parents and worry about how they were going to criticize her next. Meeting Tyson has only been an added bonus so far, she would love her life just as much even if he hadn’t waltzed into it. Speaking of Tyson, she also remembered about the game next week.

“So Tyson was wondering if you’d be free next week to go to a game,” Avery says, trying to be casual. “He knows I wouldn’t want to go by myself.”

“I could maybe swing it. What day is it?”

“Next Wednesday. Is that too soon?”

Luna ponders it for a quick second. “I could probably swing it. I get off work at 5pm that day, so we’d probably get there right on time, if not a little late.”

“I’ll let him know,” Avery replies, smiling.

“Does this mean I get to meet him?”

“I guess so? We didn’t work out plans for after the game.”

“I better get to meet him. I want to see if he passes my arbitrary rules.”

Avery lets out a surprised laugh. “I’ll let you know what he says.”

It’s not much later that Avery decides to go to bed, calling it an early night. Before she knows it, her alarm is blaring, and she rolls out of bed to get ready for work. Once she gets to work, she sends Tyson a text, letting him know about the game, as well as the fact that Luna wants to meet him afterwards. He doesn’t respond right away, so she sets to work on updating the store’s website.

While she’s on her lunch break, Avery checks her phone and sees that Tyson texted back. He apparently got the tickets sorted, and the game doesn’t start until 7pm, giving her and Luna just enough time to get there. He also explains that as much as he’d love to meet up after, he usually heads back home right away to go to bed.

Well, just means you’ll have to meet Luna some other time, is what Avery says back.

I’d love to meet her :) maybe we can get lunch on one of her days off or something

That’d be great!!

Avery smiles softly, happy that Tyson wants to meet Luna. Even though she knows that she’s made it clear that Luna is important to her, it’s still nice knowing that Tyson understands that. She’s still unsure of telling him why, but she knows that conversation can wait a while. It’s a heavy topic for someone she’s only gone on one date with, and Avery isn’t in a spot where she feels comfortable talking about it.

Before she knows it, Avery and Luna are making their way into Pepsi Center. The energy is wild, and it’s hard to not get swept up in it. Even though she knows that she won’t get to see Tyson after this, she’s still excited to watch a game. She and Luna looked up as much information as they could so that they could understand as much of the game as possible.  And while Avery knows that it’s a preseason game, she still hopes that the Avs do well.

“Well, this is quite a first game,” Luna says breathlessly, as they sit down.

“It really is,” Avery laughs. “I guess it’s a good chance for us to try and understand everything we learned this last week.”

“I sure hope so,” Luna replies, smiling.

Once the game starts, Avery and Luna get swept up in the electric energy running through the arena. Despite not fully understanding some of the calls, they both have a great game. Tyson doesn’t play too much, but every time he gets on the ice, Avery makes sure to cheer a little bit louder. By the time the game has ended in a win for the Avs, she feels totally ramped up, and she knows it’ll be a little while before she falls asleep.

“That was amazing,” Avery says. “I have no clue why I didn’t do this before.”

“I mean, it might have been a little hard in Portland. Do they even have any hockey teams?”

“I...don’t think so.”

Luna laughs. “Well, now is as good a time as any, I suppose. Hopefully Tyson can get you more tickets during the season.”

“I’m sure he won’t have a problem with that.”

Avery makes sure to send Tyson a quick congratulatory text, as well as a selfie she and Luna took earlier. She pockets her phone, knowing that he won’t respond for a little while. The ride back home is fairly quiet, both trying to soak in the game. It feels a little surreal, but it’s definitely an experience that Avery will remember for a long time.

Once they get home, they stay up to watch some TV to try and calm down a little. Before Avery knows it, she feels herself start to fall asleep. The only thing that gets her to move is not wanting to wake up on the couch in the morning.

“Ugh,” Luna groans as Avery gets up. “Why is moving so hard? I didn’t even do anything.”

Avery snorts. “Come on, you’re going to hate yourself if you sleep on the couch. It’s comfy, but not comfy enough to double as a bed.”

“You’re right,” Luna sighs, rolling off the couch. “I think my age is finally catching up to me.”

“Please, thirty is hardly old.”

“Wait until you’re my age, Avery,” Luna threatens, jokingly. 

“Sure, whatever you say.”

When Avery flops down in bed, she checks her phone, smiling when she sees that Tyson replied. It’s not much, but it’s still nice to see. She just sends a heart in response, and falls asleep almost instantaneously. 

The following morning, Tyson comes into the shop, looking much more awake than Avery was expecting. Still, she smiles brightly, not having expected him to come by the shop today.

“This is a nice surprise,” Avery comments. 

“I just wanted to see you since I didn’t get the chance last night,” Tyson replies. “I’m glad you and Luna had a good time, though.”

“Yeah, she’s already badgering me to go to more games,” Avery laughs. “I wouldn’t be complaining either, though. It was really fun.”

“So, uh, I was wondering if you’d want to get dinner again sometime?” Tyson inquires nervously.

“That’d be really nice,” Avery replies. “Somewhere a bit more casual, though. You don’t need to try and impress me.”

“But what if I want to?”

“Oh, well, I guess that could be arranged. Not this time, though.”

Tyson smiles. “Okay, that sounds good. I have to go soon, but I just wanted to stop by while I was in the area.”

After he heads out, Helen comes in only a few moments later. She gives Avery a questioning look, probably knowing exactly who Tyson is.

“Was that who I thought it was?” Helen inquires, smiling deviously.

“Uh...depends on who you thought it was?” Avery replies, flustered.

“The boy you were telling me about, of course,” Helen says. “Only you didn’t mention that he was a professional athlete.”

“I mean, I didn’t even realize it at first,” Avery says, a little defensive. “I just thought he worked a boring office job or something.”

Helen laughs. “Well, I’m glad you seem to be doing good for yourself. You seem much happier than when you first started working here.”

“Probably because I am happier,” Avery replies, shrugging. “I feel like I finally found my place here, you know?”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Now, let me see those updates you’ve made to the website. You set up things for local online ordering, right?”

Avery is grateful for the change in the subject, and walks Helen through all of the updates. Online ordering was something new Helen wanted to do this year for the holidays, and Avery was more than willing to help with figuring out the logistics of it all. Hopefully they don’t get too overwhelmed, but there’s enough people working at the shop to at least help a little bit.

By the time the end of the day rolls around, Avery is ready to go. She’s looking forward to a relaxed night to make up for how exciting the previous day was. Much to her surprise, Tyson is waiting near the entrance, obviously waiting around for Avery to finish locking up.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you today,” Avery says. “No game tonight?”

“No, we just had practice earlier today. I was hoping to take you to dinner, though, if you’re free,” Tyson replies.

“I suppose I can do that.”

Tyson smiles brightly and starts walking down the sidewalk. It takes a moment for Avery to catch up, still surprised at him showing up unexpectedly like this. As they walk towards wherever Tyson has picked for dinner, he keeps brushing Avery’s hand. She smiles a little before deciding to hold his hand.

“Oh,” Tyson says quietly. 

“Do you...not want to hold hands?” Avery asks, a little concerned. 

“No, no, this is nice,” Tyson replies, obviously trying to not smile, but his hand tightens around hers a little bit more.

Avery tries to hide her smile as well, but fails. “So, where are we headed?”

“Uh, just this restaurant me and some of the guys go to on occasion. It’s a super chill place, but we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’m more than happy to go. I was just curious.”

Tyson lets himself smile then, and continues to walk towards the restaurant. Once they get there, Avery notices that it’s very much a retro burger type of place. It seems like a fun place, and completely different from their first dinner together. They’re seated fairly quickly in a small corner of the restaurant.

“They’re used to us stopping by, so we usually get the more secluded tables,” Tyson explains after the waiter drops off their menus. 

“Oh, that must be nice,” Avery comments. “I’m sure it’s hard to go out sometimes.”

Tyson shrugs. “It’s honestly a hit or miss. Like we’re not popular by any means, but we’re still kind of well known.”

“Still, any guarantee of privacy must be nice. Or, you know, the illusion of it at least.”

The rest of the evening passes just as quickly as their first date together. Avery finds herself laughing more often than not, and she just feels content by the end of the evening. By the time they leave the restaurant, she finds herself not wanting the evening to end. She’s enjoyed her time with Tyson so much, and she values it more knowing how busy he is.

“I’m really glad you came by,” Avery remarks as they start walking towards her car. “Tonight was a lot of fun.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Tyson says softly. “I was, uh, wondering if you’d want to make us official? Like boyfriend and girlfriend type of thing.”

“Oh,” Avery says. “Yeah - I, yeah, that would be great.”

Tyson smiles brightly. “Okay, that’s...that’s good. Do you mind if I tell the guys?”

“Uh, no? Should I be worried that you’re asking that?”

“I don’t think so? But it might mean JT and Alexander randomly stop by the shop to meet you on a more official basis.”

“I think I can handle that. That means you need to meet Luna, though.”

“I’d love to meet her, you know I would.”

Only a few moments later, they find themselves standing by Avery’s car. She knows she should probably head back to the apartment, but she finds herself not wanting the evening to end. Tyson seems to be the same, not letting her hand go. He hesitates for a moment before going to kiss her cheek.

“I’ll see you soon?” Tyson whispers.

“Yeah, of course,” Avery says. 

He lets her hand go and smiles softly before walking off to his own car. Once Avery gets into her car, she sighs deeply. In all of her imaginations of what Denver would be like, she could have never predicted Tyson. It feels a bit surreal, but she’s still happy with how things have been going lately.

When she gets back to the apartment, Luna is already passed out, leaving Avery to assume that she has an early shift at the hospital tomorrow. This makes her think about finding her own apartment, knowing that she’s stayed with her sister longer than intended. Even though she knows that Luna doesn’t mind her staying in the apartment, Avery also knows she should start looking for her own place. She’ll miss being around her sister all the time, but she also knows that this isn’t permanent.

The weeks start to pass, and before Avery knows it, it’s well into the holiday season. The shop is busier than either her or Helen would have expected, but it helps the days go by quickly. Tyson’s schedule also ramps up, so they don’t see each other as much as they’ve wanted to. It also means that she hasn’t had the chance to introduce him to Luna yet, given that Luna is also extremely busy this time of year.

The business also keeps Avery from thinking too much about her parents. Neither of them have tried to contact her, although that’s not too much of a surprise, given the previous few years. At this point, it would surprise her more if they actually tried to reach out at this point, which is why Avery feels shock seep through her when she sees her mom calling her.

“Hello?” Avery answers tentatively. 

“Oh, it’s good to hear from you again,” her mom, Jane, says. “I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up or not.”

“You caught me at a good time, I guess,” Avery replies, trying to not sound too rude.

“Well, I just wanted to see what your plans were for Christmas. I know Luna is working, and I don’t want you to be all alone,” Jane says. “And it’s been so long since your father and I have seen you.”

Avery tenses up. “Luna and I made other plans, mom. It’s too expensive to buy a ticket right now anyways.”

“I’ll pay for your ticket,” Jane offers.

“I’m really okay. I’m going to stay here with Luna.”

“Avery, I don’t think you quite get what I’m saying. Your father and I have decided that it’s time to make amends and you should be coming to see us. It’s been a long time since we’ve been a family.”

“It’s not my fault you got mad that I’m not straight,” Avery spits out.

“Honey, this can all be fixed. Just because we don’t approve of the same things you do doesn’t mean we still aren’t family.”

“We’ve already settled this! This is exactly why I haven’t been home in fucking years!” Avery exclaims.

Jane sighs. “Look, you’re really being too over dramatic about this. We can put everything aside for just one day this year.”

“No, I really don’t think we can.”

“Honey, we’re trying our best, okay? I don’t know what else you want from us.”

“I wanted you to love me, mom. I really don’t know why that’s so hard! And you’ve had so many other chances to fix this, and I’m not going to pretend like nothing is going on.”

“Your father said you would be inconsiderate, but I really hoped for better.”

“I really don’t see how I’m the inconsiderate one,” Avery says bitterly. “Look, I’m not coming home and I probably won’t ever come home. Not unless you genuinely get over the fact that you can’t love a daughter who isn’t straight.”

“Avery, you take that back right now!” Jane yells. “Your father and I still love, despite everything.”

“You know what, I’m fucking over this! Don’t call me again,” Avery spits out.

With that, Avery hangs up without bothering to hear what her mom has to say. Jane calls her five more times, and sends countless texts, leaving Avery to ignore them all. She wasn’t expecting to feel so angry over her mom calling, but it’s hard to not feel that way after everything that’s happened. After everything - the screaming and yelling, followed by years of silence - have only led Avery to feel bitter when thinking about her parents.

When Luna comes home, Avery is laying face first on the couch, and doesn’t bother to move. A few minutes later, Luna is tapping her shoulder, and hands over a cup of tea. Smiling a little, Avery sits up and takes it. It’s a small gesture, but she knows that Luna is doing what she can.

“Want to talk about it?” Luna inquires. “Mom left a million voicemails and texts, but I didn’t bother to look at any of them. I knew it’d probably be something dumb, especially considering we haven’t had a real conversation in a very long time.”

“Just...she wanted me to come home for Christmas, said I shouldn’t be spending the day by myself,” Avery explains. “Told her we already had plans together.”

Luna snorts. “God, I can’t believe the audacity she has. But it doesn’t surprise me too much that she tried to convince you to come back home and act like nothing happened. Probably getting asked too many questions now that you’ve graduated.”

“Look at me, continuing to shatter the perfect family picture she’s always wanted,” Avery jokes, despite the exhaustion coming through.

“Why don’t you go to bed? I don’t mind doing dinner by myself, and you probably need the rest.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” she sighs.

The next few days feel weird, with Avery being caught between the chaos of work and the intensity of Jane not leaving her alone. She knows she should probably block Jane’s number, but she also doesn’t want to think about the shit that’ll start up. Thankfully, Luna doesn’t make her talk about beyond what she wants to say, knowing that Avery will talk when she’s ready to.

Tyson swings by the store one day on Avery’s lunch break with food in tow. She hasn’t seen him since her fight with Jane, so she does her best to act normal. Even though Avery knows she can tell Tyson anything, she still feels nervous telling him about it. Right now doesn’t feel like it’s a great time either, not with how little they’ve been able to see each other.

“I missed you,” Tyson says softly, before giving Avery a quick kiss. “Mind if I eat with you?”

“You know I don’t mind,” Avery replies, smiling. “So, what all have I missed?”

“Not much, if I’m being honest. I decided to fly my family down for Christmas since that’s easier than me trying to visit them. The three day break is just too short,” Tyson explains.

“I’m glad you get to see them,” Avery says.

“What about you? I know you said Luna is working.”

“We just decided to work around it as best we can. Family is, uh, too busy to visit.”

Tyson frowns. “That’s a shame.”

“It’s not that big of a deal. Luna is going to be here, and that’s good enough for me,” Avery says, shrugging.

“Maybe we can do something on Christmas Eve. Luna isn’t going into the hospital until late, right?”

“I don’t want to take up your family time. You only get three days with them.”

“Yeah, but I think it would be nice, especially if it’s just going to be the two of you.”

“I’ll ask her tonight if you’re sure.”

“I’m most definitely sure. And I know that they’d all be happy to meet you,” Tyson says, smiling. “I know my mom and sister have lots of plant questions, anyways.”

“Oh, well, I can definitely help with that,” Avery replies, laughing. 

During the rest of lunch, Avery does her best to make sure Tyson doesn’t notice that she’s feeling a little off. She doesn’t want to ruin the mood by bringing up her mom. It doesn’t feel right, and it’s not really something she feels ready to bring up quite yet. Eventually, she’ll have to say something, especially as their relationship gets more serious. For now, though, it can wait a little bit longer.

When Avery gets to her apartment complex, she grabs the mail before heading up to her place. As she sorts through the mail, she notices a letter addressed to her from an address she hasn’t seen in a long time. Her blood runs cold, knowing that this is just another attempt from her mom to reach out. Even though Avery knows better than to open it, she does it anyways once she gets to the safety of her own room.

Dearest Avery,

You must know that what I do is purely out of love for you. Every sacrifice your father and I made for you to have a better life was because we love you. You’ll always be our daughter, even if we aren’t comfortable with all of your choices. All we want is to see you during the holidays and reconnect, and become a family once again.

There is no need to be angry over one conversation so many years ago. It’s not healthy to be bitter over this, especially when it concerns family. Ignoring your father and I will not make anything better. So please come home, and we promise there will be no talk of any past choices.

Love,

Your mother

As Avery finishes reading the letter, she feels tears streaming down her face. Despite everything, her mom still can’t understand why she feels so angry. It’s always been about ignoring the reality of the situation and pretending like things never happened. This is the final straw, though. 

It hurts, but she can feel herself come to accept that it’s time to truly cut her mom out of her life. There was always a small part of Avery that hoped that things would get better, and it would probably always be there, no matter how much she wants it to disappear. But the likelihood of that happening now isn’t worth keeping any line of contact open. 

“Avery?” Luna asks quietly, poking her head into Avery’s room. “What happened?”

“Just...mom sent a letter,” Avery answers softly, holding the letter out.

Luna skims through it quickly, frowning. “Well, glad I have even more reason to never go home again. At least I have you to do holiday stuff with.”

“Yeah, that’s not too bad, I guess,” Avery says. “Oh! That reminds me. Tyson wanted to know if you wanted to do Christmas Eve with his family this year.”

“He wants to do Christmas with us? Doesn’t he only have like...three days off?”

Avery smiles as she wipes away the last of her tears. “Yeah, he said that he wanted to spend time with us and he knows that it’s just the two of us.”

“I guess I can’t say no to that,” Luna sighs. “But are you seriously okay? This is a lot.”

“I really am, I promise,” Avery says. “I’m angry, but I swear I’m okay.”

“If you say so,” Luna replies, frowning.

“Look, I get to spend time with you, Tyson, and his family,” Avery says, smiling and laughing a little. It’s been a long time since we’ve gotten to do proper holidays, you know?”

Luna gives her a look. “I haven’t seen you smile like that in a while. It’s a good look on you.”

“I mean...I - he just makes me happy,” Avery replies, flustered. “But you didn’t answer the question.”

“If he doesn’t mind, then yeah, it would be really nice,” Luna says. “You know, it’s a shame that the fire alarms here are so sensitive, otherwise I’d suggest burning the letter.”

Avery lets out a sharp laugh. “That would definitely be satisfying. I guess we can just throw it in the trash.”

“Not as satisfying, but I suppose it works,” Luna sighs dramatically.

                                                     EPILOGUE

Spending Christmas Eve with Tyson’s family was better than anything Avery expected. It’s been so long since either she or Luna have spent any holiday with their family that both of them feel completely overwhelmed. Even though Tyson said that they didn’t need to bring anything for dinner, they still brought a couple of pies for dessert, feeling like it’s the least they could do for intruding on family time.

“How many times do I have to keep telling you that you’re not intruding?” Tyson says, rolling his eyes. “I want you here and my family is excited to meet both of you.”

“I know, it still feels like a lot, though,” Avery replies quietly. 

“Is Tyson bothering you too much?” Kacey asks, walking into the kitchen. “Because if so, I have plenty of questions about the plant you sent me.”

“Oh, sure, I can do my best to help,” Avery answers.

Talking with Kacey helps calm a lot of Avery’s nerves, managing to fall into familiar territory. She’s not sure how much time passes, but before Avery knows it, it’s time for dinner. Surprisingly, she and Luna are folded into conversations fairly easily. As much as she might not want to admit it, Avery missed having dinners like this, being surrounded by people she truly enjoyed the company of. 

Before Avery knows it, she and Luna are headed back to their apartment. The whole day felt wonderful, and she knows that it’ll be something that she remembers for a long time. Despite that, she knows that for most people, a dinner like that is unremarkable because their family has always been there for them. She knows that Tyson falls under that umbrella, and she doesn’t think he’d notice how wistful Avery felt the whole night.

However, he does bring it up when they’re making dinner in his apartment only a week later. 

“So, um, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but was everything okay during Christmas? You just seemed...not sad, that’s not the right word. I guess you just seemed a little bit off,” Tyson says. 

Avery shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. “It’s just been a while since I’ve done a family dinner. I didn’t go home during the holidays in university and I wanted to stay with Luna this year.”

“And you didn’t go home...because you didn’t want to go home? Or it just didn’t work out that way?” Tyson inquires. 

“I didn’t want to,” Avery whispers. “My mom and dad...they’ve been angry about me being bi for a long time. They said it ruined their family image, whatever the fuck that means.”

“Shit - why did you never tell me?”

Avery sighs. “I was planning on telling you, the time just never felt right. It’s such a weird thing to say and bring up. Like surprise, I don’t get along with my family! And I guess I felt like you might take it the wrong way as well, even though I know you don’t care.”

“I wish you would have told me so that I could have been there for you. We’re in this life together now, and I want to do whatever I can to make things better for you.”

“I’ve just been hiding it for so long that it’s weird to talk about,” Avery chokes out, holding back tears. 

“Babe,” Tyson whispers, before pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m here for you no matter what. You don’t have to say any more, not until you’re ready.”

“Thank you,” Avery replies softly. “This is a nice hug, but you should let go, otherwise the veggies are going to burn.”

Tyson lets out a laugh. “Okay, okay, point taken.”

When he pulls back, Avery smiles softly. Even though she knows Tyson would take everything in stride, it still feels nice knowing that he’s there for her and isn’t forcing her to say more than she wants to. One day she’ll tell him the whole story, but that can wait for another day. For right now, she wants to just enjoy this moment here with him.

[larsthefishoil]

Running in Circles

In hindsight he should have seen this coming. The icy wind tore at his eyes and falling snow prickled his skin as he fell. It was too much like last time. But that was what they said insanity was right? Being doomed to run in circles and repeat mistakes over and over again. He hoped it wouldn’t be a full rehash of the last story. He was certainly thrashing around less this time. Wishing he wouldn’t wake to see blood staining the clean snow as he was dragged on. But no, he was just falling for now.

```````

“Sir, with all do respect this is dumb. I think this mission is dumb and your choice in my partner is dumber. I-”

“What makes you think I give a shit Wilson?” Maria demanded “It’s not my fault you two work so well, and besides it’s just a simple shipment run, get in, get out, I don’t know why you're complaining.” Hill leaned forward over the table with spread palms and a no bullshit pull in her eyebrow. “Just take back what Hydra stole from us and we won’t assign you two together for a whole week alright?”

At that Bucky turned his head up to meet Sam’s eyes, they both knew Hill was bullshiting them again. They always made a fuss about being forced partners, but if Bucky was being honest with himself, they made a not awful team.

Maria briefed them with the rest of the plan, Sam would fly in from the vantage point, and drop Bucky off on top of the train before it passed under the mountain. From there, the two would sneak inside and take control of the train from the inside, and bring it to a stop. Later S.H.I.E.L.D would pick them up with the stolen tech.

```````

“I don’t like this one...”

“You never like missions in the cold Buckster, HA! See how well I know you? And you say I don’t listen.” Sam mumbled to himself the last part but the nickname didn’t fly over Bucky’s head by a long shot.

Bucky grit his teeth to think of a comeback and to bite away the cold. The cliff was both full of snow banks and ice depending on where you stepped. Which resulted in Sam hovering above the ground on the way up and using Bucky as a tester of when and where to step. “I don’t know Sammy,” Bucky bit back “I just don’t prefer to spend my free time in stupid ass climates.” He smiled wide and toothy at Sam squishing his eyes closed in fake excitement before pulling a deadpan look.

“Really, Sammy?”

“What? Do you want me to go with bird-y?”

“I will-”

“I see it.” Bucky started shoving his hand over Sam’s mouth going all business. He pulled the binoculares to his eyes to see the train rounding a dip in the mountain. “All right I gotta get ready to hall your lard-ass over there.” Sam started and he jumped up and started kicking his legs out to warm them up. Bucky glared up at him before going back to the train. “Are we ready yet?” Sam asked as he hopped up and down and started up his wing’s jets. Bucky shook his head “Just a few more seconds,” he said and held out his hand for good measure. “Welp, I am-” Sam started before he dove at Bucky who could only manage a helpless yelp before he was pounced on and was dragged off into the bitter cold air.

Riding with Sam holding him was the most awkward thing. Wrapping his thighs over Sam’s was way too much, and a piggyback ride may not be that bad, but the falcon wings made it impossible. And bridle style was just too ridiculous no matter how much Sam tried to convince Bucky he wouldn’t look like a moron in the air. So they came up with the solution that both kept their dignity and was efficient. Sam would always hook his arms around Bucky’s arm pits and hall him around that way. It was still awkward though.

They flew over and landed pretty safely on the train. Bucky pulled out his guns and watched from all sides as Sam picked the lock to get inside before they were hit by the mountain-tunnel.

Suddenly everything started happening at once. A trapdoor behind Bucky flapped open, and H.Y.D.R.A agents started pouring out, only for the same thing to happen on their front.

“It’s fine, this is fine!” Bucky could hear Sam yell over the wind. Sam pulled their trapdoor open only for H.Y.D.R.A agents from inside to start shooting at them. “It’s still fine! I can fix this!” Sam started again shutting the door.

This isn’t right Bucky thought. There shouldn’t be this much resistance from the intal they got. He could feel the vibration of boots stomping about behind him trying to catch their balance. Bucky let out a breath figuring Sam’s tactic of saying something was fine until it was, was just going to have to do. He turned to his six, taking a few steps, and jammes his heel in an agent's stomach. The agent fell forward before losing his balance and tumbling off. He could feel the dread creeping in on himself hating the fate that awaited the falling soul, but continued to move on. Distantly Bucky knew Sam was firing shots, taking the agents down as fast as he was. But the old memories kept creeping through, making everything feel distant even if it was just in front of him. He then heard a “NO!” be halard before Bucky could register why. He was falling. Again.

Bucky remembered flailing so much the first go around. That maybe if he wished it enough, Steve would be able to suddenly fly and catch him before he smacked against the ground. He blacked out before he hit the ground. Distantly Bucky wondered what would unfold this time. The train was gone, now it was just white. Bucky closed his eyes and let himself fall.

`````

“So… what are you doing after this?” Sam asked slowly. Bucky looked up to see Sam avoiding eye contact as he finished tying his boots, and gave the man a quizzing look. Sam was absent mindedly scuffing his boot at the dirty cemented locker room floor.

“I have no idea, what I always do I guess…why? ” Sam then had a weird look on his face with something wholly unlike him- loneliness, and uncertainty. It didn’t fit him all that well but Bucky was set on not caring about the prick.

“Nothing, I was just wondering if you wanted to help me grocery shop.”

“Wison, if you are in such dire need of friends you need to come to me, I- Should I be worried? Really who grocery shops on a Tuesday night?” he exclaimed as he placed his hands on his knees and stood up from the wooden bench. Bucky was about to go on before Sam cut him off

“I gotta buy a slice a cake for my partner.” He sped out, arms stiff and his sides and spine a steel rod. oh. yeah. the dead one. Bucky remembered Steve talking about that guy. How he reminded Steve of the two of them. Fine. He’ll indulge, but only for Steve.

“Uh sure, I don’t have anything going on, yeah okay.” There was a beat of silence between the two men before they walked for the S.H.I.E.L.D HQ in silence. No quips or bickering, just staying quiet leaving space for the sad and mourning.

The nearest grocery store was a quiet mile long walk out in the quiet of upper New York. The air was dry but heavy, with fireflies floating around them. The sidewalk was old and cracked, and Bucky tried to not step on the cracks like he used to do as a kid to pass the time. All the while Sam was uncharacteristically quiet. Bucky knew he got like this, a certain Marvin Gaye song would come on and he would stop singing along for once, he would sit down and stare into space until the song ended. Or when the two would get along for once, laughing at a joke until their stomachs hurt. Afterwards Sam would get that same lost and lonely look. Bucky often couldn’t care enough to ask, though lately it was getting harder to.

As they walked into the store, the few people who were there continued their wandering, either not caring that two Avengers just walked in or not knowing who they were entirely. Sam asked one of the workers where the bakery was and made a beeline for it. Bucky followed further behind not wanting to get in the way. Sam quickly picked up a slice of cake enclosed in a plastic container about to leave for checkout, when he stopped at another slice sitting on display. Bucky leaned over to see what Sam was looking at and found a cute slice decorated with icing flowers.

Bucky cleared his throat carefully “What’s with the flower one? Do ya want it?” He stuffed his hands in his pockets awkwardly not used to being the one with the higher word count out of the two of them.

“Na it’s just… Uh Riley hated flowers. Before we got shipped out, he went on a date with his girl and bought her these really expensive flowers. She broke up with him that night and he blamed it all on the flowers vowing to never spend that much on a girl that wasn’t his wife yet.”

“Then get him that one, it’s more meaningful than basic vanilla.” Sam sucked in a breath, threw his nose and looked up at the ceiling, no doubt willing tears away. “Or not...”

“No I’m-I’ll get that one.” Sam put the first one back and picked up the flower cake. They went to checkout right as the store was announcing it’s soon to be closing time. The two found a nice patch of sidewalk just outside of the grocery store by a tree and sat down, and with the two forks Sam snatched from the bakery area, they ate the cake. The longer they sat there the more Sam was inclined to talk. “Riley hated the smell of ginger, the taste too I guess. But who does like the taste of ginger really.” Soon half the cake was gone. “ Riley was in love with all the Kardasians, he only ever told me that he watched the show whenever he could.” Even later, only the icing flower remained. “Riley loved the color cyan, but no one ever knew what that was so he just always said green.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“How… How did you lose him?”

“He fell.” Bucky looked over at Sam at that. All this time he hadn’t really realized how crazy similar the four of them were. Sam, the new Captain America had lost his best friend the same way the first one had. Running in circles. Bucky thought.

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s not your fault.” At that Sam stuck his fork next to the icing flower and looked up at the sky again letting the tears fall this time. “All those missions and he just fell, I couldn’t catch him in time… nearly died myself. And after was… Well I got sent back home, and I had to keep helping so I started doing group therapies. Then I met Steve years later and…”

“You two shared a similar story?” Sam huffed a laugh

“Yeah we did.” The two looked at each other and smiled in comfort.

````````

Cold. White. Snow. The mission. Bucky opened his eyes and he was falling. A dark spot appeared in his vision. It was yelling on the top of it’s longs. Sam.

Suddenly Bucky’s hand was grabbed and yanked up with a concerning pop against the force of falling. Sam was still yelling, but to push against gravity this time, and Bucky was pretty sure he had a dislocated shoulder now. He lifted them up to the middle of the gap between the two mountains and pulled Bucky close to him fully wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist. Bucky let his dislocated arm dangle and wrapped his right arm around Sam, his hand gripping his saviour’s neck, and knocked their heads together. They stayed there laughing deliriously and relieved, the train long gone along with the mission.

Sam was still breathing in heavily when he said,”I caught you.” Bucky could feel his breath puff hot against his cheeks.

“Yeah, you did man.” Bucky knocked his nose against Sam’s with his eyes still closed and slid his arm up to attach himself more to Sam.One foot was perched on top of Sam’s and the other wrapped around his leg.”Wanna get us away from the icy trench?”

“Oh shit, yeah,” With that Sam parted from Bucky to look down to the snowy depths, the weirdly clingy moment snapped in two with the comment. He then flew them to their earlier steak-out spot and plopped down exhausted in the snow. They laid there for what felt like hours, their comms down and sky going dark. Their hands were still laced together when Maria and Sharen showed up in a S.H.I.E.L.D helicopter.

A/N Alright I’m done! I feel like I did alright and that they seemed in character. Crotiques are fully invited and apperciated:)

As people might realize, they didn’t kiss and shit, and I went with that cause most of the time with slow burns, aspeshaly with friends to lovers, it’s like a spring that gets squished until the characters are just Boom! Going out and are all cuddly and fully adjusted to making out and being romantic. Which is fine, and my lonely single heart soaks that shit up like a sponge, but I want to explore a side of romance that isn’t so rushed to put the “going out” label on it. And I feel like this applies to Sam and Bucky really well, but when people are writing fanfics they rush to the romance cause that’s what it's there for. So! Just another side to see, and if I end up posting this and people want more, I will try to add more stuff if I can think of it.

I also put some characterization for Riley cause i realized that he kinda just acts as a bad frigid girlfriend for Sam, so he now has three fun facts lmao.

[wisteriashouse]

aflame (i).

pairing: firefighter!rengoku kyoujurou x cook!reader

genre: fluff, modern! au

word count: 1713

remarks: i just couldn’t get this idea out of my mind... sorry :“D

i. takeaway

You’re stressed.

When you glance up at the cat eared clock on the wall, you’re dismayed to find the minute hand inching slowly towards twelve. Nervously, you turn around to inspect the timer on your oven, fingers drumming on the countertop. Fifteen more minutes till they’re done. 

You stare at the two sweet potatoes in the oven beseechingly, as if begging them to bake faster. It was all your fault. You know you shouldn’t have let Kanroji distract you with all that gushing about her new pastry when she’d come over for her lunch break earlier, but as a food enthusiast yourself, you’d been unable to resist the words ‘burnt sugar’ and ‘crème brûlée’ and had ended up completely sidetracked. As a result, you’d put the potatoes into the oven far too late, and now they wouldn’t be ready in time.

Five more minutes, and he’s going to be here.

The familiar sound of the bell hanging from the door of your eatery rings, and your heart drops in your chest.

“Two bowls of udon!” Sabito calls loudly in manner of greeting as he steps into the small space of your eatery, while Makomo behind him waves at you with her usual dreamy smile on her face, patting down the skirt of her flowery dress. You stare at the two of them as they take a seat opposite your counter, and they glance at you before you let out a sigh of relief. 

“Oh, it’s just the two of you.”

Sabito’s mouth falls open at your welcome, instantly aggrieved at your clear lack of enthusiasm. “What do you mean, just the two of us? I thought we’ve been on a first name basis for months now, just the two-” Makomo shuts up her childhood friend by placing a hand over his mouth, before smiling sweetly up at you. “Has he not come by yet?”

You flush lightly and shake your head as you ignore Sabito’s indignant sputtering, moving to grab two clean bowls from behind the counter. After having known him for long enough, you’ve grown more than used to his overdramatic behavior. “No, not yet. He’s supposed to come in five minutes, but the roasted sweet potatoes aren’t done yet, and I-”

The bell rings again.

“Chef-san!” A familiar voice calls brightly and you let out a little squeak, the bowl falling from your hands and clattering onto the countertop. From the most isolated seat at your counter, you see one of your regulars, Obanai, roll his eyes at you before he returns to studying his toxicology notes. 

Your cheeks burn, and you frantically will the blush away from your cheeks as you turn around to greet the man. “A-ahh... you’re early today, Rengoku-san.” 

Rengoku Kyoujurou looks breathtakingly handsome as usual, the afternoon light streaming in through the windows only highlighting his strong features and confident golden eyes. “Is that so?” Your heart trembles a little in your chest as he sweeps a few stray strands of bright yellow hair out of his eyes before glancing at the clock on the wall. “You’re right! My apologies, I must have been too excited to have your cooking!”

You lick your lips, a helpless expression slipping onto your face as you glance at the oven out of the corner of your eye. “Well... I have the bento boxes ready for you to take, but I wanted to try making something new today.” You manage to make out, fingers buried in the fabric of your apron. Kyoujurou continues to smile at you, encouraging you to go on. Don’t stutter in front of him! “They’re baked sweet potatoes, and I know you like them, so I was wondering if you could try them out for me. They’ll take a few more minutes to bake, so if you’re busy, you don’t need to wait...”

At the counter, Obanai buries his face in his notes as if he’s trying to suffocate himself. You don’t blame him.

“Baked sweet potatoes? That sounds amazing! Of course I can wait.” You glance up from the tie of your apron to see Kyoujurou beaming radiantly at you. “I’m sure the rest back at the fire station wouldn’t mind, either!”

You try your best to contain the delighted smile on your face, gesturing to the counter. “You can wait here. It won’t take too long, I promise.”

Kyoujurou slides into a seat obediently as you move to drop udon noodles into hot water, stirring it with a ladle to stop your eyes from wandering to the devastatingly handsome man sitting to your left. Behind Kyoujurou’s back, Sabito shakes his head at you in despair while Makomo hides a quiet giggle behind her hand. You want to crawl into a hole in embarrassment.

Ding!

Luckily, the alarm of the oven distracts you from burying your head in the sand and you turn around, pulling on your mitts. Sliding the tray from the oven, you glance over at the fruits of your hard work and countless sleepless nights of trial and error. The inside of the baked sweet potatoes is a lovely orange, melted butter and cheese running down the crack stuffed with shredded barbecued chicken. Pleased with your work, you turn around to present them to Kyoujurou — and get distracted by the sight of him instead.

He’s tying his hair up, brushing the shorter strands of his bangs behind his ears, hair tie held between his teeth. The flame patterned bomber jacket he usually wears is lying next to him on the counter, leaving him in a form fitting firehouse tee that clings to his firm chest and tight abdomen, the sleeves only emphasizing the lines his strong biceps. You don’t know if you want to thank the gods or cry at the sight.

Next to you, Obanai rolls up his thick folder and begins to smack himself over the head with it, as if trying to physically purge the image from his mind.

“Chef-san?” Kyoujurou’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts, and you blink only to realise that he’s staring at you with those beautiful golden eyes of his, brow slightly furrowed in concern. “Is everything alright?”

You’re dangerously close to a cardiac arrest, but you nod frantically, rushing to transfer the sweet potatoes to a plate instead. Placing a fork at the side, you set the plate in front of Kyoujurou shyly, smiling at him. “I hope it’s alright.”

“Your cooking is always delicious!” Kyoujurou declares with a grin, reaching for the plate. “Thank you very much for this meal!”

Turning back to your stoves to calm your racing heart, you scoop the udon noodles out of the pot and set them into bowls, pouring hot broth over them. Out of the corner of your eye, you take a quick peek at Kyoujurou; he’s blowing gently on a piece to cool it down before he digs in. 

Extra sliced pork for Sabito, no spring onions for Makomo. Done with their orders, you pick up the tray and step out from behind the counter, setting it down on their table. Behind you, you hear a delighted exclamation of ‘delicious!’, the sound earning a few turned heads from your other patrons and a scandalized glare from Obanai. You have to try and contain your smile.

He likes it.

Sabito stares at you for a moment as he picks up his chopsticks, miming the words ‘Chef-san’ silently with an awful simper. You aim a kick at his leg under the table.

“Ow.”

“I finished it all!” You turn away from Sabito rubbing his shin to see Kyoujurou smiling at you as he shrugs his jacket back on. “It tasted delicious, as usual! There is nothing I could possibly complain about! You’re truly the best cook in town! I’m sad that I should have to leave so soon, but the others back at the firehouse must surely be hungry.” 

His praise brings a slight blush to your cheeks, and you beam at him. “Thank you for your time, Rengoku-san. Wait a moment, I’ll get your lunches right away.” 

Slipping behind the counter, you pull out the stack of bento boxes kept at the side carefully for him, counting them once again to make sure all of them are there. Kyoujurou hefts the cloth bag over his shoulder with an ease that would make anyone envious, before he turns to give you a jovial wave. “It’s been lovely seeing you. Thank you for the food!”

There are a few crumbs at the corner of his mouth.

“Ah, Rengoku-san, wait–” You reach for a napkin on the counter and hold it out to him before you hesitate for a moment. You desperately want to help him wipe it from his cheek, but that would be crossing too many boundaries, wouldn’t it?

“Chef-san?”

You shake your head to clear your mind, before you put on a bright smile and hand the napkin over to him. “You have crumbs on the side of your mouth.” When he takes it from you, your fingers brush for a moment, warmth spreading from the tips of your fingers down to your toes.

Kyoujurou laughs, a pleasant, mellow sound, before wiping his mouth clean. “That was a little embarrassing.” He says, eyes twinkling merrily, and you have to resist the urge to tell him just how adorable he had looked in your eyes. “Well then, I’ll be leaving now!”

You raise a hand in farewell. The bell on the door jingles, and he’s gone. The shop suddenly feels a little less warm without him in it.

“Ask him out on a date already.” Sabito grouses, and you turn around to watch him pop a piece of pork into his mouth before he jabs his spoon at you. “God, I’m on the verge of choking from all of this badly hidden affection in the air. I might hurl from the two of you making heart eyes at each other.”

You puff out your cheeks indignantly, but your heart thumps in your chest at the thought of a date. “Don’t eat here, then.” You tell Sabito, totally unrepentant.

Makomo giggles at the distraught expression on Sabito’s face. 

[angeltrapz]

hey dude 💚 sorry yr having a shit night too— chainshipping ask tho! I’m always down to head more thoughts abt just. things they do to make th other person smile. but also favorite things to do together? not necessarily Big Activities but the lil domestic stuff (like cooking, maybe chores they do together, etc) that’s just better bc they’re Both doing it

Yeah it was a. rough one kdjks... ty <33

I'm always game to talk abt things they do to make the other smile!! One I think about all the time is the simple act of getting things for each other? Maybe sometimes before they even realize they want said thing, or that they need said thing. As you've mentioned b4 I do think Adam has one of those lavender-scented stuffed animals that you can put in the microwave (I have!! the celebration bear one, who naturally is named Lawrence bc he's blue... and uh... I associate teddy bears. w him) and sometimes, when Adam is doing poorly and has gone nonverbal, Lawrence will just be like "Oh! I know what might help!” so he’ll grab the husky from the bedroom (got Rlly attached to that idea when you mentioned it <33) and pop it in the microwave for a minute, rounding back to the couch to hand Adam one of his shirts to snuggle in and a kiss on the forehead. When he gets Adam’s husky from the microwave and hands it to him, Adam just kinda has a moment like oh... I didn’t even have to ask... and he smiles, for the first time that day, and honestly? It rlly does help, to have someone who knows what might comfort you/knows what types of things do, and who just. Does those things when you need them, sometimes without prompt. It’s an intimate kind of knowledge, and it makes Adam feel all warm on the inside.

Another good example of this is Adam making sure Lawrence has his cane while he's walking around the apartment, esp those first few months when he's just getting used to using it - because he's still learning + trying to get used to walking with his (properly fitted) prosthetic, he often left the cane in random places because Adam would often offer his arm if Lawrence needed it (which, again, took some time for him to be okay with, but Adam always tells him it's okay to need help sometimes), and it would frustrate him because he'd be sitting on the couch like "I. I don't know where I put it." but Adam will be like "It's okay, I know where it is!" and it's as simple as that! Lawrence can't help but smile when Adam hands it to him because Adam just. He gets how hard it is. It's so simple to Adam but to Lawrence it means a whole lot. <3

Something else is that Lawrence will remind him to eat. I've touched on this a little bit b4, but Adam has issues with food that extend past textures and tastes and such - his eating is very disordered, and has been since childhood. He doesn't eat three meals a day, sometimes he hardly eats anything at all (usually the bare minimum that will allow him to take his medications without getting sick), he tends to gravitate towards snacks/easy foods that aren't necessarily super healthy, and combined with him already being underweight + having spent the last seven or eight years since leaving his parents' place at 18 getting by on very little, it causes him frequent dizzy spells/fainting episodes. It also takes him a while to realize that hey, I don't have to spread my meals out anymore, I don't have to worry about getting food, and I don't have to feel guilty about eating when I'm hungry. I think Lawrence is a very observant person by nature, and while he might not understand it fully right away, I think he'd definitely realize that some of these issues are tied to the state of the apartment he'd seen only once + Adam's life from before.

So he doesn't force him to eat, obviously, because that doesn't work and helps no one, but he will definitely be like "Hey, I know you're not feeling great today, but why don't I grab you a granola bar or something? We have those oranges you like too. I just want to make sure you don't give yourself a headache or get sick." and admittedly Adam is. Not used to that kind of regard whatsoever. But it feels so much easier to at least eat something small when he knows Lawrence sees him, understands that it's hard and isn't forcing anything out of him. I do think that once they settle into a routine after moving in together, some of that becomes a little bit easier because hey, he's not living paycheck to paycheck, he doesn't have to survive off of ramen and monster energy, he's allowed to eat and not worry about what happens after. The stress of worrying about groceries is definitely nonexistent with Lawrence, and that takes so much weight off of Adam's shoulders; not to embtion the fact that Lawrence is also conscious about his same foods, and makes sure they've always got some in the kitchen. It's not easy, but having someone care about him so much, someone who wants to make sure he's eating right and caring about him like that always makes Adam smile a little bit.

For Lawrence, I think a big thing is just like... seeing Adam hanging out with Diana? There's nothing that will put a smile on his face faster than coming home from work to find the two of them in the living room, a Disney movie (or The Princess Bride!) playing in the background while Diana paints Adam's nails bright glittery blue and pink, because she wanted to practice patterns and she really likes the glitter. Her nails are already painted black with a glitter coat on top - "Adam's nails always look so pretty like that, and he said maybe I couldn't do full black, so he put glitter on them too!" - and he's sitting there, hand spread out on the coffee table while they both sit on the floor, talking about anything and everything that pops into Diana's head, and Lawrence just kind of stands there and watches for a little while. His two favourite people, relaxing together, enjoying each other's company. Adam turns around and Lawrence has always got this huge grin on his face, just like, "Oh, don't mind me. What was it you were talking about, Diana?" which of course prompts her to jump up to give him a huge hug, but after that she's right back to painting Adam's nails, and Lawrence is more than content to just sit in and listen. (He also absolutely adores finding Adam reading to her before bed, because he does voices and everything. He gets a little bit embarrassed about it at first, but once he sees Lawrence watching them with the most loving look he thinks he's ever seen, he just blushes, smiles back, and continues. Sometimes Lawrence joins in, but not always, because then it becomes a competition of voices and they'll never get Diana to bed if she's laughing too hard!!)

Another is that Adam is really good at pulling him out of his own head. He can usually tell when Lawrence is thinking way too hard about something, or when he's beating himself up for some perceived slight he feels he's somehow performed, or when something is bothering him and he's debating whether or not to bring it up for fear of bothering Adam. Often times he'll just sit beside him wherever he is, or lead him somewhere to sit down if they're standing, and he'll just guide Lawrence's head to rest on his chest and he'll just talk softly, making sure Lawrence isn't sitting in silence, knowing that Lawrence doesn't typically feel up to talking himself right away. He'll run his fingers through his hair and tell him about his day, or something he saw while scrolling through his phone/on TV, sometimes he'll read to him, basically just letting him know that hey, I'm right here, I know you're not doing great right now, and that's okay. I'm here for you. Lawrence cries sometimes when Adam does this, the relief of being held + feeling safe enough to express his emotions making it easier, but he smiles by the end of it because he knows how much Adam loves him + wants to make sure he's okay, and he knows that Adam isn't going to judge him. It's the safety of it all. <3

Favourite things to do together!!! Like you mentioned I like to think they do chores together! It’s just more fun that way. Again as you’ve mentioned b4, I think Adam has some difficulty with the dishes despite liking the repetitiveness of the task, both because of textures and because of his shaky hands - so what they do is Lawrence will wash the plates themselves and then hand them off to Adam, who will dry them and put them away/the strainer! They both find it helps a lot to just be around each other like this, listening to the radio above the stove and bumping hips, tapping their feet, sometimes humming along if they know the song well enough. It’s just a nice little routine. (Sometimes they dance in the kitchen after, and sometimes to the goofiest pop songs Adam has ever heard, but if you heard that, no you didn't.)

They like folding laundry together, too! That one is just because it's fun. Lawrence will toss him one or two of his shirts while they're warm because he knows Adam likes the feeling + stealing Lawrence's clothes, and every now and then Adam will throw a washcloth at him just 'cause he thinks it's funny (it is, especially bc Lawrence's gut response is to throw it back?? so they look like two dorks bc they're just throwing it back and forth???), and it's just a nice way to share space. Sometimes they get a bit too caught up in whatever is on TV (its on bc they both need background noise) and end up just sitting against the couch, two baskets of laundry on either side of them, and then eventually Adam will be like "Okay babe I think we should probably finish folding clothes now," and Lawrence will just groan like "I forgot that's what we were doing. Damn it." and they take a moment to laugh before they finish up. (Adam Loves hearing Lawrence swear bc he doesn't do it often, so even smth as simple as "damn it" cracks him up for a good minute lmao!!)

I do think they also enjoy cooking together!! Adam will hand him ingredients/assist in cutting vegetables/what have you; I think, for the most part, that Lawrence does the majority of the cooking, but Adam does help where he can! Sometimes he'll just hop up onto the counter and hand Lawrence things as he needs them, and Lawrence thanks him with either a squeeze to his hand or a kiss on the cheek, and Adam will joke about how he's basically just sitting there looking pretty, but he learns very quickly that Lawrence will just be like "Well, you DO look very pretty, so I think that's fine," and it ends with Adam red in the face but smiling into his hands anyway. The payoff is always a nice meal that they can sit down to together, and it's just such a peaceful, enjoyable thing for them to do together!!

Other than those three they'll take turns doing chores for each other - sweeping, dusting, tidying up the bathroom, things like that just to help each other out <3

[jihyuncompass]

The Best

This is honestly probably my favorite thing I’ve written so far.  There’s a little bit of angst at the end, but it’s not much, I promise. 

Stay safe, stay healthy, and remember to wear a mask!

Mysme Week 2020 Day Five ( @mysmeweek2020 )

Quarantine 

V/Jihyun Kim x MC 

Word Count: 3.8K

Summary: You and Jihyun do the best you can, for the world and each other.

Tying the ends of your mask you made certain that it was properly tightened. It was easy for it to slip down your nose if it wasn’t right so you had to be sure. Pulling on it just a little you deemed it tight enough for your face. Checking the time on your phone a rush of panic went through you. Even though you had carefully planned out how much time you would need to get ready you were already running late. 

Leaving the bathroom you went on a quest to find your boyfriend, hopefully he had been more aware of the time than you had been and was ready to head out the door. You called out his name a couple times, to no response. With a groan you went about the apartment opening doors. 

You found Jihyun in the small home office the two of you shared. It had originally been a storage room and a place where Jihyun would work on paintings if he couldn’t go to his studio for whatever reason. However, after Quarantine went into place and you started working from home you both decided to convert it into a workspace for you. 

Jihyun stood in front of a canvas, the end of his paintbrush touching his chin. He looked to be deep in thought and concentration. He also was wearing a pair of earbuds that made it impossible to hear out of. It was no wonder he couldn’t hear you calling his name. In an attempt not to make him make a mistake on his canvas you started flailing your arms to get his attention. You must have looked silly because when Jihyun finally noticed you he started laughing. 

Pulling the earbuds out of his ears he stopped his laughter to speak to you. “Are you alright my love?” You tried to ignore the way his laughter still gave you butterflies. 

“I was trying to get you attention, you can’t hear anything with those in.” You explained. A tinge of red went to the tips of Jihyun’s ears. 

“Ah.” He exhaled. “I’m sorry.” After setting down his paintbrush he rubbed the back of his neck. Looking at him you could assume he also hadn’t been paying attention to the time. 

“Jihyun do you know what time it is?” He had a moment of confusion and looked to your computer where he could see the time. Now the red had also spread to his cheeks as he realized just how much time has passed. 

“I must have lost track of time.” He muttered, mostly to himself, pulling off his painting smock; he wiped his hands off on a spare towel he kept next to his paint pallet. “Give me ten minutes and I’ll be ready to go.” Stepping aside to let him leave the room he made a beeline for the bathroom. 

While you waited you checked on everything you needed to take with the two of you. You both tried to avoid going out as much as possible but today you had a few places you needed to go. 

Before everything went into lockdown the RFA had started meeting in person once a month. Partially as a way to get everyone together but also to be able to go over party plans together. Since you were instated as the party coordinator and Jihyun returned to his position as the leader and Representative the group decided it would be a good idea to branch out and expand. Hosting more events and more often. As great as this was for your organization it also meant more meetings would need to be held to go over details. 

After lockdown began you all decided to do virtual meetings instead. It was rocky at first, Zen had to use his phone since his computer was ancient, and no matter how hard Jumin tried he could never get his webcam to work properly. The Choi twins and Yoosung were really the only members who knew what they were doing. 

During the virtual meeting a week prior you all ended up going on a tangent about the current goings on in the world. Zen vented about how he wasn’t able to work, and how Jaehee’s cafe was struggling, the twins both tended to be homebodies anyway but it wasn’t hard to see how much Saeran was struggling with his mental health, and Jumin and Yoosung just seemed rather lonely stuck at home. While the meeting had been cathartic for all of you it planted a seed in your head, a seed that you and Jihyun spent the past week growing. 

Together the two of you created care packages for every member of the RFA, each one personalized for its recipient. There were homemade treats and snacks, a personalized mask that Jihyun made, handwritten cards, and small trinkets. Skincare masks for Zen, a Steam gift card for Yoosung, a matcha tea set for Jaehee, a book and homemade cat treats for Jumin, a long cat pillow for Saeyoung, and a cookbook and aloe vera plant for Saeran. The two of you even put together a package for Vanderwood, which you would give to Saeyoung to pass on. Even if it wasn’t much you both thought it might be a nice way to cheer up your friends and let them know you were thinking of them. After finishing putting them together last night you both agreed to take them today. 

Jihyun met you in the living room wearing fresh clothes, his face mask was one he made himself, a white cotton fabric with a cactus pattern. “Ready to go?” Jihyun asked. 

“Sure am, you take half and I’ll take half?” He agreed and you both grabbed your share of packages, balancing them in your arms as you both made your way to the front door. 

Earlier in the day you both mapped out the best route to take the packages in. Everyone lived pretty scattered about so you planned it strategically. The twins lived the farthest away so you wanted to go there first, then to Jaehee who would be at the cafe doing takeout orders. Then to Zen and Yoosung who actually lived fairly close to each other, and finally to Jumin who lived in the heart of the city. 

You texted Saeyoung once you were about twenty minutes away from their place. After reuniting with his brother, the two had decided to move into a different place that was less of a doomsday bunker. The place was still pretty much a fortress but it also had windows to let in natural light, and space for Saeran to grow a garden. 

Approaching the door slowly you used the code phrase Saeyoung gave you to let you knock on the door. You may have cursed a little at having to memorize the Arabic phrase but thankfully the system didn’t seem to care that you butchered the pronunciation. 

Setting down the free packages you both kept a safe distance from the door. Saeran answered the door wearing a black face mask. Saeran you knew had a particularly weak immune system so both of the twins were completely stuck at home. You couldn’t read his expression too well but considering the raise in his eyebrows he seemed happy to see you both. 

“Our parents are here!” Saeyoung shouted once he got to the front door. Calling the two of you his parents began as a joke that had sort of evolved into a habit. It annoyed the hell out of Saeran and made you and Jihyun laugh. 

“We thought you guys could use some care packages.” You said. “There’s one for each of you.” You could see both of their eyes light up as they picked up the boxes and looked inside. 

Saeyoung looked up first. “This is so awesome!” He pulled out the long cat pillow and held it close to his chest, practically bouncing on his feet. Saeran held his little plant in his hand. 

“Thank you.” Saeran said, you could see the sincerity in his eyes. He wasn’t one for many words but you could tell he was happy. 

“That third one is for Vanderwood.” Jihyun said. “We don’t know where they live so could you pass it on?” Saeyoung looked down at the last package. 

“I’ll make sure it goes through the God 707 Postal Service to one Mary Vanderwood III.” Saeyoung loudly joked. Jihyun looked at Saeran who was rolling his eyes. 

“Saeran?” 

“I’ll make sure it gets to them.” Saeran answered. 

After catching up for a moment you and Jihyun said your goodbyes and got back in the car to your next destination. 

You stopped inside Jaehee’s cafe, it was a little strange seeing the chairs stacked on the tables and the marks on the floor to indicate six feet of distance. You couldn't stay long but she greeted you warmly. After opening up her package she thanked you for the treats and for the matcha kit. 

“I’ve been considering getting one of these for myself. Thank you both.” Jaehee said, you saw her place the kit next to the coffee grinder Zen gave her before she opened her cafe. She sent you off with two coffees and pastries for the both of you. She had offered it as a gift but the two of you had insisted on paying it yourself. 

Zen was next, he had been hit particularly hard by the lockdown. With all of the shows cancelled he had lost almost all his work. To try and make up for some of the lost work Saeyoung had helped set up a way for him to do livestreams. It wasn’t much but it helped Zen’s confidence and made up for some of the lost income. 

He gave a big wave to the two of you. You and Jihyun sat at the top of the steps that lead down to Zen’s basement apartment. Zen looked up to you both while he opened up his box. The snacks in his box were more healthy than the other boxes on purpose. He seemed to notice this when he thanked you. 

The three of you spent some time talking and catching up. Zen talked about the livestreams he’d been doing. He started taking song requests where people could pay him to sing whatever they wanted. You and Jihyun had both watched whenever you had the time (and maybe requested a few songs for fun). He asked you and Jihyun about your lives and careers. You were still able to work and Jihyun was still able to paint, he had even started selling more of his works to support the two of you and to donate to good causes. In truth you had never seen him more determined and motivated.  

Yoosung was next, all his classes were online now which was quite the struggle for him. It was hard to think about doing coursework when LOLOL was right there. His studio apartment was also tiny which you knew made the lockdown worse. 

His relationship with Jihyun was still fairly rough. Still it was a thousand times better than it had been in the past. He seemed genuinely happy to see the two of you, but even happier to see the package that you brought for him. His package had a lot more essential items mixed in with the treats. 

Again you could only stay for a few minutes, but you talked about his classes and how he was doing. You could see how he was deflecting from talking too much about school but you both encouraged him to do his best and offered any help you could provide. 

Jumin was the last person on your list. You both kept in good contact with him, he didn’t say it but the both of you worried about him. He had Elizabeth the 3rd to keep him company but it wasn’t enough. The penthouse was a big and lonely place when Jumin was alone like this. 

The two of you also prepared some extra treats for the security guards at Jumin’s penthouse. While he had less staff than before he still had a couple that worked for him. The security thanked you graciously and let you into Jumin’s penthouse. 

Keeping a safe distance Jumin seemed very happy to see the two of you. Jumin, kind of like Saeran wasn’t one to show a lot of outward emotion but you could see a spark in his eyes that made him look more content. 

The cat treats were hit. Considering the way to Jumin’s heart was through his cat, seeing Elizabeth the 3rd pleased was more than enough for him. He also loved the cat paw print face mask that Jihyun made special for him. 

Considering it wasn’t a safe idea to share a bottle of wine, Jumin settled for giving you a bottle to have at home. With the bottle you also made a promise to video chat soon and drink together. The two of you spent more time with Jumin than you did with any of the others. And leaving Jumin’s was by far the hardest, Jihyun dragged his feet with leaving, coming up with more conversation topics to keep you both there, to spend a little more time with his best friend. By the time you actually left there were tears you saw welling in Jihyun’s eyes. Heading back to the car you held his hand to comfort him. 

“Are you okay my love?” You asked him standing beside Jihyun’s car, he took a deep breath in and wiped his eyes. It was muffled by the mask but you heard a sniffle come from him. Before he could answer your question you brought him into a tight hug, one hand was rubbing his back and the other running through his hair. 

“I think so.” Jihyun said. “I’m sorry for getting so emotional.” 

“There’s no need to apologize Jihyun, the RFA is our family and it’s hard not being able to be around them. There’s no shame in being sad about it.” Jihyun let out a shaky sigh. You held each other for a little longer before letting each other go. Though you couldn’t see through the mask by the look in his eyes you could tell he was smiling. 

“Thank you my love, I don’t know what I would do without you.” He said holding your hands in his. “It’s probably time for us to get to the community center right?” You checked the time and nodded. You spent more time with your friends than you planned so you needed to hurry. 

At the start of the lockdown the two of you both struggled with feeling helpless about what was going on. It was overwhelming seeing the news and feeling like there was nothing you could do. Trying to find something to do to fill your time the two of you started volunteering at the nearby community center, serving meals and giving supplies to those who were struggling to keep afloat. It was only a few hours a week but it helped the both of you with feeling just the tiniest bit better. 

After signing in as volunteers and getting your temperature taken, the two of you put gloves onto your hands and got to work. Today you were both assigned to fill and hand out cups of hot soup to those who came for a hot meal. 

Working together the time seemed to go fast, you greeted each person with a smile, making small talk with some of those who came by. After a few weeks you started to recognize some of the people who came frequently being able to greet them by name. 

One of the regulars, Ji-young approached the two of you with a wave, she was an older woman who you had grown pretty fond of. And she seemed to be pretty fond of the two of you. 

“Hi Ji-young, how are you doing this evening?” You asked her. 

“Getting by, you know how it is.” She shrugged. 

“I do know, Do you want some soup?” You motioned to the pot on the hot plate next to you. 

“Always. Thank you dear.” You pulled out a cup and used a ladle to pour the soup in, taking care not to drip or spill. Adding a lid to the top of the cup Jihyun tapped your shoulder. 

“The pots are almost empty, I’ll be right back with some more.” You nodded and watched him head to the back of the center. Turning back to Ji-young she was watching him walk away. 

“You know I’ve been coming here for the past few weeks and I just keep thinking about how cute the two of you are together. I miss being that young and in love.” Watching her Ji-young had this look of nostalgia in her eye. You could feel a blush in your cheeks where your mask covered your face. 

“Thank you, Jihyun’s one of the good ones.” You smiled, it didn’t matter how much time you spent together talking about Jihyun still made you smile and blush like a middle schooler with a crush. 

“Well, he’s got a good person by his side. You two are lucky to have each other.” 

“That’s very kind, thank you.” You said. 

Jihyun returned with a big pot held with two oven mitts. You removed the empty pot from the hot plate so Jihyun could put the fresh one on. 

“Did I interrupt something here?” Jihyun asked, he seemed to notice the blush that was probably visible on your ears. 

“Nothing much dear, just talking about you.” Ji-young teased. Jihyun looked over to you with his brow raised.

“All good I promise.” You said, waving him off with a wink. Now the both of you were flushed behind your masks. Smiling, you said goodbye to Ji-young so you could fill more cups. 

The rest of the evening went by in a blur, you hadn’t even realized how tired you were until you both got back to the car and you sunk into the seat. 

“Home?” Jihyun asked.

“Home.” You confirmed. Closing your eyes to get a little bit of rest on the way home. 

The first thing the two of you did when you closed the door to your apartment was take off your masks taking in a fresh breath of air. Going to the living room, you collapsed onto the couch and turned on the TV while Jihyun went to take a shower. 

The first thing on the TV was the news, too tired to try and change it you just let it play. As much as you tried not to pay too much attention to the newscaster it was hard to ignore. The newscasters listed endless numbers of new cases and deaths, and played frustrating interviews with politicians who gave no good answers, doctors who were begging people to be safe, and of course the people who claimed that the doctors were lying. 

Listening was overwhelming but you couldn’t force yourself to stop. Shouldn’t you know what’s going on? You should be paying attention to the news, but it all just felt. 

Too much. 

“Love?” Jihyun stood in front of the bathroom door, his hair was still dripping from his shower. He approached you slowly, looking at the TV. Realizing what was going on he took the remote and shut it off leaving you both in silence. 

“I hate this Jihyun.” You said staring at your shaking hands. Jihyun kneeled down to look you in the eye and took one of your hands in his.

“I know.” He said, his voice coming out just above a whisper. 

“I miss the RFA, I miss going out, I miss the RFA parties, I miss travelling.” You said, your voice breaking. “I miss everything.”

Jihyun squeezed the hand he was holding and with his other he wiped away the tears slipping out. “I miss all those things too, but this isn’t forever. We’ll be able to do all those things again, but I know it’s hard right now.” 

“I wish I could do more, I feel so powerless.” Sobs racked your chest, you could barely see Jihyun through your teary eyes. 

“You’re doing more than enough my love.” He moved up and wrapped his arms around you holding you tight. You clung to him trying to stop your hands from shaking. “I know how easy it is to put the weight of the world on your shoulders and think you have to fix it all.” He held you tighter, his own voice breaking. “I used to think that I had to fix everything by myself, even the things I had no control over.” Slowly he leaned back so he could look you in the eyes, his thumbs brushing tears away. “But then, like an unexpected miracle from heaven, you came into my life. You taught me that I don’t have to fix everything and that I don’t have to carry my burdens alone.”  He kissed your forehead, then moved back to look at you. 

“Jihyun.” You whispered. 

“The truth is, this isn’t something you can fix by yourself. This isn’t something any of us can fix on our own.” Jihyun said. 

“Then what do we do?” You asked him. He leaned forward and enveloped you in a warm and gentle kiss. He pressed his forehead against yours. Whispering his next words. 

“We do the best we can.” You brought him into another hug. You felt yourself grow calm, now just tired, your eyelids were growing heavy. 

“I love you Jihyun. Thank you.” He rubbed your back turning his head to press a kiss to your temple. 

“I love you too. Why don’t we get you cleaned up and go to bed? We’ve had a busy day.” Still holding him, you nodded and let him lead you to the bathroom, holding his hand tight.

A week later you went to get your mail. Finding five packages waiting for you and Jihyun. Thank you cards, and care packages from your fellow RFA members. A smile crossed your face as you carried them all up to your apartment to open with your boyfriend. 

You, Jihyun and the rest of the RFA keep going forward. Jihyun worked with some of his fellow artists and old photography friends to do a virtual charity art show with the proceeds going to research. You and the rest of the RFA plan a socially distant RFA charity drive for those in need, partnering with C&R to gain more attention. 

You all take it day to day, one step at a time, and together,

You do the best you can. 

[plotscribbler]

NSFW story time:

It was a long double at my old restaurant job. I had come back to pick up a few shifts here and there to help me have some pocket money while I got on my feet in my new home some 2 hours away.

My girlfriend got a great new job in a new town and I wasn't transitioning well. I usually welcome change but it was hard to leave the team I had, not to mention shift beers. I poured myself a tall one and sat in a booth on the patio waiting for the manager to lock up and give me ok to leave for the night.

I had another double the next day so my plan was to find a decent parking spot and pass out in the van.

I told the other closer she could leave early as it was a calm night and honestly I reveled in getting even just a few minutes to chat with Cassandra (the manager) before she cuts me off the free beer. Cass is a tom-boyish burnette, who's about 5'4" or so, and her body is that of a Pixar mom: an athletic yet curvy shape with so much ass you can see it from the front.

I'm a flirtatious guy (probably how I ended up as a server in the first place) but to be quite honest it's a miracle I haven't been fired or dumped for the things I say to Cass. She probably doesn't take me seriously, I mean how else do I manage to get nights like this where we're all alone? She's having a glass of wine and I'm keeper of a never ending pint. What could go wrong?

In my typical cringe fashion I offer her a spot at my table "because she's too beautiful to be drinking alone" and she ignores that (while sitting down at my table) before going on a long winded rant about her kids stressing her out before she could even get ready for work.

Which was extra stressful because of how her cat always wakes her up at night to use the window by her bed as a way out to go do cat business.

"The only cat business anyone should have in relation to that window; is getting onto the bed, and in between your thighs"

"hah! I wish"

"Bet! Finish your wine."

"what?"

"I'll follow you home, climb through your window and be gone before sunrise"

"I have kids you idiot" she punches my shoulder "they're gonna hear you climb into the house and if not, they'd definitely hear whatever pervery you think you can concoct in the middle of a school night. Not to mention the neighbors..."

Looking out towards the parking lot Cass pulls a cigarette from her purse.

"Hey, look at me." I pause until we make eye contact "I am 100% consenting to, and capable of..." I pause to feel calm collected and cool before continuing "- tying you up, gagging you, and fucking your brains out."

We both smile "All while pretending to climb in through your window to fulfill your rape-fantasy in a safe way that avoids prying neighbors"

She take a long drag of her cig, looking back out at the parking lot.

"Well?"

With a long exhale "I didn't tell you about my window as some kind of a hint."

"Listen, whether or not you like being taken, I would be much happier to share your bed than to sleep in my van alone."

We sit in silence for a moment. Cass staring off into the distance while I drink my pint and stare at her.

Turning to face me as she ashes her cigarette "What would you even use to tie me up with anyway?"

"The wrappings of love"

"Don't be an ass" she hits my shoulder again, harder this time "what if I were considering to indulge in your lustful insistence for a moment? Huh! How about that! What if that was your chance and you blew it!?"

"Wow, the thought of giving away control, even if only for a moment, it's insidious isn't it?" I smile again "Oh... to be honest I have soft 25' rope somewhere in the van, but my belt works fine in a pinch, might use both if you keep throwing punches at me."

"Honestly, you talk a lot of shit and the thought of humiliating you, if you can't follow through with half the nonsense that comes out of your perverted mouth, is insidious." She finishes her wine "come on!" she stands up.

"Let's go!" I cheer.

"We're not going to my house"

"Oh?"

"No, I'm not taking you home. Show me this rope"

"Alright"

We walk over to the van, in a particularly shady corner of the lot, the back half of said van is packed almost ceiling high with my music equipment I forgot to unload during the move. Part of me is thinking she's gonna troll me, so I try to make like of the situation.

"I'm not gonna tie you up in the parking lot"

"Duh, I just wanna see it."

"You're testing me? We've known each other for 4 years... I'm not a stranger!"

"No, but you say a lot of bullshit, let's say I'm just fact-checking you right now..."

I dig through the music gear in the back (knowing it's not there) "looks like you're in luck, I couldn't tie you up if I wanted to..."

"ugh, see..."

"See what? It's not like you'd consent if I did have it!"

"If you could find the rope I would let you tie my hands behind my back, but you mysteriously can't" Cass says, crossing her arms defiantly.

"You would let me rope your arms behind your back?"

"Sure! Why not? Maybe I will like it!"

"Ok, let me look in the secret hiding spot behind the driver seat." I close the hatch and open up the sliding door. There's a panel on the floor and when I open it Cass gasps.

"Gotcha!" I exclaim.

"Ok, yeah, you got me" she turns her back to me and stretches her arms out behind her. "Tie me up"

"Turn around."

"What?"

"You're not a prisoner of war, this is an intimate thing."

I close the sliding door as Cass faces me.

"Intimate? How-"

"Shhh..." I put a finger to her lips as her chocolate irises lock with my hazel ones "I'm going to take control of you now. Just say ok."

"Ok fi-oh!" she gasps as I grab her by the hips and put her up against the door of the van.

I steal the first kiss on her lips then break away, pressing her against the car with my hand on her chest. Lifting the rope over her shoulder with a flick of my other wrist I see her uncertainty.

"Be still. Do nothing unless I say so, you are perfect."

Cass' eyes light up like she'd never heard that before, like I just opened more possibility than even she knew was available.

I turn her around, pressing my hips against hers, making the rope loops over her shoulder and behind her back then mirroring this over her other shoulder.

"I thought you were going to tie my hands?"

"I'll get there" as I start to lace a knotting pattern from her left arm to her right and back again. Slowly bringing her elbows parallel to each other.

"By the time your wrists are bound you will be ensnared... all mine!" I say with a smirk "I am here to take good care of you."

"Ok, actually this does feel pretty nice, my back needed a stretch anyway..."

"I want you to let go of the control you assume day in and day out and be free. Be mine."

"You're not gonna make me call you daddy are you?"

"No, to be honest, I like being called master or god, because I have an ego that is spoiled rotten, but I wouldn't want something like this to make our work relationship impossible"

"Oh my, that's tight, will you take a picture when you're done? I wanna see."

"Just relax." as I pull her wrists together and tie the final knot "You're all tied up"

I snap a picture with my phone and lean into her from behind to show her.

"Wow this posture really forces my boobs up and out, not that you can see it from this angle"

"Yes, you look incredibly beautiful"

She grabs at my jeans "what are you gonna do now?" Grinding her butt against me.

I pin her to the van with my chest against her arms and whisper in her ear "the way you're tied up right here" rubbing her arm "is the same way I'm tied up in this parking lot." I can't help but bite her ear and smell her thick espresso colored hair "I want your lust, I want your body, and I want dominion over you"

I run my hands from the loops over her shoulders to the small space of skin on her forearms.

"Fuck...." she says with bated breath "Take me"

I wanted to tease her more, but I honestly didn't expect to get this far in even my wildest of fantasies.

Cass was already pulling at my belt, even with her hands bound behind her back she couldn't help but fight to have things her way.

"No" I push her against the van so she can't reach "You're mine right now, you do as I say."

Cass moans with mixed frustration and enjoyment, then she flips her hair into my face "why don't you make me?" wiggling that wonderfully voluptuous backside tauntingly with a wink and smile.

I know what she wanted.

So I spanked her...

This woman has so much ass, her hands weren't even a little bit in the way. I took a handful with the first smack and it was like holding the holy grail.

She cooed, making fists doomed to dangle helplessly amidst an array of slaps on her butt.

"You."

**smack**

"Honestly."

**whip**

"Thought."

**whack**

"That I."

**pop**

"Would just fuck you in this parking lot??" **crack**

"YES!" her voice echoes out in the otherwise quiet and empty space.

We both pause to appreciate the possibility of someone hearing us. I take that moment to unbuckle my belt.

"Fine, I will."

"Do you have a condom?"

"What, you mean you don't want another kid?"

"Don't even joke about that."

I'm pulling her leggings down to her ankles "I only have two packs of 3" then I'm kissing the back of her calf, up her thigh, around a pinkish red handprint, then over to her waist "so I might need a couple more if you don't mind waiting here for me"

"With my arms tied and my pale ass out for the whole wide world to see? No thanks"

"It's decently red now" my jeans fall to the floor

"I know! God..." she inhales when I feel how wet she is "I did not expect you to spank me so hard"

"You liked it" I put my dick up to her hands, letting her get an idea of what I'm going to put inside her.

"I loved it." Cass puts her bodyweight against the van, poking her ass out and spreading her legs.

I thrust along the lips of her dripping pussy while she whispers to me "will you please put a condom on already?"

I smack her clit a couple times with the tip just to hear her groan and clench her eyes shut tight.

"Put. A. Condom. On!" she growls at me impatiently before biting her lower lip.

Seeing my manager like this is giving my life new meaning. I open the driver's door to pull out one of the afore mentioned packs and put one on, leaving the rest on the roof of the van.

The secret ingredient is definitely the crime of it all. I've been shamelessly hitting on my manager since we met, and now I can't help but take my sweet ass time sliding up inside Cassandra on the edge of the parking lot outside of our job.

I always imagined a hotel room or her kitchen, never outside! Not to mention she wanted to get tied up and spanked first! *chef's kiss*

The way she gasps as I push in every inch I have for the first time gives me goosebumps. Her body feels like caramel tastes: you can't quite get enough, but almost can.

I grab her waist on both sides, feeling for that V line at the top of her wonderfully thick thighs.

"Let's start real slow beautiful" I pull back just as patiently, leaving only the tip still inside.

"I love it when you call me beautiful, I don't always feel that way..." she says, gyrating her hips towards me, making me feel like I could already explode!

Wrapping one arm around her belly and sliding the other all the way up her body to take hold of her cappuccino hair "I'm gonna love every illustrious inch of you"

I pin her against the van again, forcing her to take my love at my slow pace but it's like she can't help but push back.

Cassandra quivers with pleasure when I rub her neck. Her eyes widen with worry yet her toes curl so hard they crack when I give her neck a squeeze. "Why are you so goddamned amazing!?" she asks aloud between gasps of air and kisses.

That sends me over the top! "Fuck, ...fuck I'm coming!"

"Oh... see, it's good you have more condoms."

Still thrusting out of a burning

desire to not let this moment end "Here, I'm gonna untie you before I put another one on."

"Already?"

"Yeah, I don't want you to lose circulation"

"No, that's fine, I mean you're already putting another condom on?"

"No way am I done after just 1... did you even come yet?"

"No but I'm pretty close"

"Ok then, get in and lay down" I gesture to the middle seats of the van.