#but tumblr's new look might also be making me despair a little because it's just getting shittier and shittier lol

[non-un-topo]

Wish there was an elixir that wasn't alcohol that you could take that just makes you write/draw and not care about the quality of your work or about what your potential audience might think

[gloryundimmed]

Get to know the mun ! repost, don’t reblog .

——— BASICS.

NICK NAME : Gray/Grayson

PRONOUNS : He/him

ZODIAC SIGN : Aquarius— fits me, right?

TAKEN OR SINGLE : Single, but a flirt and I'm sorry

ANYTHING ELSE ? : Nah I'm just chillin'

——— THREE SERIOUS FACTS.

I currently make money off of freelancing in web design and graphic design. I've worked for four literary journals now in some capacity, and I usually take the roll of web editor/graphic designer plus a reader. I'm also the web editor for my school's newspaper. My hands are always full, but that's the way I like it. I like commotion and stimulation.

I tend to keep people at an arms length even if I don't mean to, so if I ever feel distant, I apologize. I can just get weird when I'm too attached to someone, and I hate that feeling. Though it comes back to bite me in the ass because sometimes I feel like I have a ton of friends and I'm very social and love people, but I've got no "best friends."

I've got ADHD, which in my case means that I say yes to anything new and shiny despite how busy I may be. Sometimes I can be bad at gauging how much I can do at once, which leads to things slipping off my plate. Plus, the executive dysfunction is real af and I sometimes need a kick in the ass to get things done. Sorryyyy but you love me, right?

——— THREE RANDOM FACTS.

I have a dog named Romeo and I love him soooooo much

Death and knowing I'll die one day doesn't really scare me. Not that I want to die or anything, but letting people down scares me much, much more. It's my worst fear yet I feel like it happens all the time.

I love attending concerts, and music is a big inspiration for my writing. I'm always listening to something!

——— EXPERIENCE.

I've been into creative writing since I was at least 12, and at that age I began rp on a website called wetpaint.com with an elf OC because I was so into LOTR back then. Shortly after, I made an OC named Jake who I wrote with a lot. Wetpaint was like wordpress, a service where you could create little privately owned websites that could be made for any purpose with a forum/comment-like setup on most pages, and I would write with my in-person friends. I took a bit of a break from rp in my first three years of high school, but still wrote short stories. During my senior year, I got back into the rp scene, but that time here on tumblr. I've been writing here on and off ever since, with the creation of Kai in July 2014. Currently, I'm getting my bachelors in creative writing, so I guess that might count as experience, too. Sometimes I even write fanfiction lmao.

——— MUSE PREFERENCE.

Gosh, idk. I tend to go for a lot of different types of muses as long as they are written well and don't feel empty. I do lean toward more action/fantasy/romance than regular slice of life or platonic stuff, though. The muses I find most interesting have a lot of depth. I tend to find people with 20+ muses on their blog a little intimidating because I can't imagine having so many and it's hard to choose between them all. Also, it may not be true, but sometimes I can't help but think if they have so many, they can't possibly be at the depth that I'm looking for, but I'm probably just wrong on that. I barely have my 6 guys and write Kai the most of all, so it's hard for me to understand.

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT.

FLUFF : I think I like cute stuff as much as the next guy. Sometimes I can find it a little boring, though. LMAO

ANGST : I LOVE angst. I love two characters who don't get along or have some sort of friction between them. It's my lifeblood, and that's probably obvious to see since I have a muse like Kai as my main. Conflict, heartbreak, violence, despair— I love it all.

SMUT : Can you guess? Again, with a muse like Kai, I think its clear that writing sex and sexuality is a big part of my journey as a writer. It's not a must-have for me in any rp, but it certainly spices things up and goes hand in hand with angst. Anything you catch me writing solo is bound to have smut in it somewhere, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Sex is such a huge part of life for a lot of people, and I think the Puritan guilt of society has caused many to shy away from it. I strive to be a sex-positive writer. If it's not your bag, though, I can certainly understand that as well.

——— PLOT / MEMES : They don't call me the idea guy for nothing! I love plotting, even if it doesn't always come to fruition or never comes to fruition. Plotting sustains me. It has the thrill of imagining scenes without having to go through the slog of writing them. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy writing, but I don't always have the energy to roll up my sleeves and get to it. I also love memes! Any meme someone sends feels like a love letter to me and my muses. They're great because they can start things off with no plotting required. I send them in as often as I can, but sometimes I'm not around and don't see them.

TAGGED BY : @shishitoren-vc tyvm!! love u

TAGGING: @lured-into-wonderland @incandescentia @eraba-reta-unmei and anyone else who wants to. I chose some people I don't know as well but would like to!

[synobun]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ♡

Erin, I resent being forced to be positive. Let me stew in my misanthropic despair.

The weather has been nicer lately, and my new medication has helped me sweat a little less when outdoors. I also had a few days where I felt shockingly normal while walking, which is something I haven't felt in 13+ years. It didn't last, but it was nice. And unusual.

I have had some good interactions with people here on Tumblr recently! I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in. But you, @stupid-elf, @bloodiedpunk, and @m34gs have interacted with me a lot and it's been nice and fun. I always end up deleting my Tumblr after a year or so because I just never figure out how to... I don't know... exist among people here. The past month has done a lot in convincing me not to do that again.

I've found quite a bit of work these past couple weeks! So although I've gotten significant setbacks financially, I've rebounded enough to make up for it and then earn more on top of that.

I might be traveling this summer to France, and if the above goes well, then also Sweden. I don't know if this actually makes me happy, but I'm forcing myself to pretend it does. If it happens, it'll be the first time I do any sort of major travel. I'll meet a bunch of friends/acquaintances that I've only known through the internet as well. As someone who's spent the entirety of his 20s utterly alone with close to no human contact, that's significant.

My weight loss has plateaued (not good) but I'm still making slow progress on my physical rehab. My gait is almost completely fixed now since my hips no longer roll when I walk. My legs don't go numb as quickly anymore. I can actually move my hips without losing all feeling below the waist. My body shape has improved a little as well, I think because I've been able to exert enough to gain muscle. I still look terrible, but not horribly so anymore. It gives me hope that it might be possible to get to a point where I'm okay with what I see in the mirror and I'm less terrified about being active. Not being a fall risk anymore is neat.

[writernopal]

🏴‍☠️ This is your Captain speaking 🏴‍☠️

So I thought I'd make a little post to encompass some important updates and some changes that you'll probably notice around the old blog in the next few months! However, I will do you all the courtesy of putting this under a cut because holy mama it turned out longer than I expected 😅

Updates

I'm doing my first NaNo this year!!! I'm excited but also really nervous because 50K is an aggressive goal and I'm not sure I can do it BUT I decided that I'm just going to try my best. I won't be starting a new project for this, instead, I want to use this as a time to beef up AASOAF 3 as I'm a little behind where I'd like to be in terms of progress.

AASOAF 3 has a release date! Err, more like release season lol. The announcement is here in case you missed it, and includes some beautiful Mariel and Fay art for you to feast your eyes on! Spring 2024 is the time to watch so keep a close eye on the new release tag, witness moonrise on oepus, for any content/posts related to release activities! Obligatory plug for AASOAF 3's masterpost and taglist so you don't miss a thing!

M.O.W will go on a brief hiatus at the end of November. But don't despair, it will return in January 2024! I decided that this series will take a month-ish hiatus at the end of each part so Part I will be nice and wrapped up before it goes on a break. Obligatory plug for M.O.W's masterpost and taglist so you don't miss a thing!

Work on AASOAF 3's super secret companion material has begun! For reasons I hope are clear, I can say nothing about this other than to look for it in Spring 2024 when AASOAF 3 releases. Just know that I'm super stoked to be teaming up with @illjustpretend again for this project and it's going to be an even bigger undertaking than Mariel & Axtapor's Scrapbook was for AASOAF 2.

Changes

Now you might be reading all of those things and be thinking, "Wow Nopal, that's super cool but isn't it a lot?" To that, I say, "Indeed, dear reader it is." But know that I do this to myself because writing is genuinely what I love to do and, let me toot my own horn here for a second, my stories deserve no less!

However, these things combined with work and a few other things going on in my personal life (all other good and exciting I assure you!) mean that I need more of that constructed but dreadfully measurable commodity: time. So you will likely see less of me around here but that doesn't mean I'm disappearing!

Believe it or not, this little corner of tumblr has become a huge part of my life. I love reading about y'all's stories, updates, and getting to cheer you on as you go do The Thing so I'll definitely be around 😊 Tag games and asks will most likely fall by the wayside though advanced apology for that 😅

Anyway, I think that's all for now! (I write as if this wasn't already long enough LOL) Wishing you all fair winds in your sails and many words on your pages 💙

AASOAF 3 Taglist: @outpost51 @thelivingdeceased @faelanvance @captain-kraken @illjustpretend @elshells @writeblr-of-my-own

M.O.W Taglist: @moonluringfrost @writeblr-of-my-own @illjustpretend @sparatus @outpost51

[aoi-midori]

Fanfic Recs...

so uh…. I learned the hard way that tumblr has a tagging limit when I reblogged that fanfic post from earlier, meaning ... not all my tags went through AND IT MISSED ONE OF THE FICS I REC’D. so fuck it, I’m making my own post: a more detailed one that has all my fav fics and for sure won’t get eaten by this hellsite! there are eight of em, and as i attempted to note with that reblog, all of them can be found on ao3, but i'll be linking them here for easy access! More under the cut!

Embers and Frost by SolarisLupi

One Piece/Rise of the Guardians Crossover, Canon-Divergence

Rating: Teen & Up

Synopsis: After becoming the new Spirit of Summer, Ace struggles with the knowledge that one day he will be forced to leave everyone he loves behind. Jack questions how far he would go for those he cares about. And Luffy, unaware of Ace’s rebirth, is plagued by visions of his brother’s death and other horrors. But those nightmares may be more than just dreams…

complete fic, with 49 chapters and a 414k word count

so yeah, Jack gets stuck in the op 'verse and ace becomes the new summer spirit after his death in marineford. Pitch winds up there too, and he's far more of a threat here thanks to everyone being able to see him, and if you've seen Rise of the Guardians, well... then you know that CAN'T be good. also this is actually part of a series with a kind of prologue that comes right before it that's called Fire and Ice. I'd probs read that one first if you want the context since that one showcases how Jack gets into op 'verse (and also where he first meets ASL trio).

~~~~~

As N Approaches Infinity by Corisanna

Puella Magi Madoka Magica/Bleach Crossover, Canon-Divergence

Rating: Teen & Up

Synopsis: Despairing as yet another timeline goes horribly wrong, Homura wanders into Karakura. There she discovers that while the spiritually-aware people of Karakura were distracted by Ichigo Kurosaki and Xcution, Kyubey had managed to contract the Kurosaki sisters as magical girls. Drawing the attention of the shinigami could be just the advantage Homura needs.

Incomplete fic, currently sitting at 84 chapters with a 481k word count (last updated March 2021, might be dead, idk)

yeah, so Homura runs into the Kurosakis at the tail-end of another failed timeline, and if you know Ichigo, you can imagine what happens next. his big-brother instincts go into full-throttle here. also Kyuubey is still a little shit as always and it turns out he got up to even MORE fucked up shit than everyone initially realized! so that's fun... oh yeah, there's also a companion fic called Polynomial Expansion that's basically a bunch of bonus scenes from the main fic!

~~~~~

There May Be Some Collateral Damage by metisket

Bleach/Harry Potter Crossover, Canon-Divergence

Rating: Teen & Up

Synopsis: Ichigo’s been ordered to go undercover at a magic school to bodyguard a kid named Harry Potter, and this would be fine, except that he’s about as good at bodyguarding as he is at magic. And he considers it a good day, magic-wise, if he hasn’t set anything on fire.

Complete fic, with 3 chapters and a 61k word count

I personally love the author's note for this one: "I wrote this mostly because, despite the surprising number of Bleach/Harry Potter fics out there, none of them seem to address the fact that sending Ichigo to Hogwarts is basically the same as swinging a wrecking ball directly into the side of the castle." this fic honestly changed the way I want to write fics and actually turned me on to present-tense. the narration itself is just so good. made me think, "goddamn i want to write like that." also one of the funniest fics i've read in my life. it's basically bleach characters (mainly Ichigo) looking at the HP 'verse and thinking "what the actual FUCK."

~~~~~

RWBY/Zero by orphan_account/TheMaster4444

RWBY/Fate Franchise Crossover (mostly Fate/Zero with a bit of /Stay Night and Apocrypha in there too), Canon-Divergence

Rating: Teen & Up

Synopsis: With the Vytal Festival in full swing, Teams RWBY and JNPR are shocked when an unexpected family member arrives at the school. Elsewhere, Cinder's wild-card teammate proves himself a dangerous enigma, and Arturia tries to prevent a loved one from following her old path while enemies from a past she thought she left behind come for her new world. New players have come to Remnant, and a golden shadow is ready to change the game for everyone.

Complete fic, with 94 chapters and a 574k word count

so as i mentioned in the tags of that reblog, Remnant is literally the remnants of Earth after the fallout from Fate/Zero (so Fuyuki fire affected the entire planet basically). so you've got the surviving characters from Fate/Zero living in present-day Remnant due to the circumstances, and Arturia happens to be Jaune's mom. start of the fic takes place during volume 3 and it starts out a bit slow, but that doesn't last long. once it reaches the volume 3 finale... holy SHIT does it take off. worldbuilding here is absolutely nuts, and the way the author meshes the two series together is downright flawless. also ruby herself gets some really cool and interesting lore here, so that's pretty neat.

~~~~~

∞:∞ by divisionten

Kingdom Hearts/The World Ends With You Crossover (given this is a KH fic tho, there are other series sprinkled in here too, but I won't say what they are bc spoilers), canon-Divergence

Rating: Teen & Up

Synopsis: He got off the pavement, wet, dirty and alone. They left the beach, ready to chase him down. She gripped her Keyblade, twisting it tight enough in her hands to leave marks. It was time to go home.

Complete fic, with 44 chapters and a 201k word count

this one's set directly after the end of KH3, so... Sora's dead! and he's found himself in TWEWY shibuya. but wait, Riku's also dead, but he got sent to TWEWY shinjuku! neither of them are in the reaper's game tho bc of special circumstances... meanwhile just about the entire rest of the kh cast is out there searching different worlds for these two, and let's just say that "getting into hijinks" is a bit of an understatement.

~~~~~

Infinite Nuisance by Luluwoo

Jujutsu Kaisen, SukuGo Slow-burn, Canon-Divergence

Rating: Mature

Synopsis: When a strange incident leads to Gojo being trapped along with the King of Curses in Sukuna's Innate Domain, what everyone assumes would lead to destruction surprisingly grows into something more.

As Sukuna and Gojo are forced to interact and learn more about each other, they realise that hatred isn't the only tie that binds them.

And, as Sukuna quickly realises, he is far from prepared for the unlikely temptation that is Gojo Satoru.

Ongoing fic, currently sitting at 9 chapters with a 43k word count

AND THEN THEY WERE ROOMMATES. quite literally! so these two have no choice but to interact with each other, and that goes about as well as you'd expect (at least at first). also another thing to note here is that Sukuna's relationship with Yuji is MUCH much better than in canon, so they don't actually hate each other.

~~~~~

Firehouse 4 by easyontheredeyes

Jujutsu Kaisen, SukuFushi Slow-burn, Modern AU

Rating: Explicit

Synopsis: For years, Megumi worked hard to become an EMT and carve his own path through the Emergency Medical Services world, outside of his father's reputation and Gojo's connections. All he asked was not to be housed at a firehouse, with firefighters. Apparently, that was too much to ask for. Or Megumi can't stand firefighters. His new EMT job leaves him working with a particularly cocky, arrogant, ironically smoking-hot one named Ryomen Sukuna.

Ongoing fic, currently sitting at 15 chapters with a 145k word count

AND THEN THEY WERE ROOMMATES... IN A WORK SETTING. lmao I kid. but yeah, slow-burn at it's finest here. animosity at first followed by one-sided flirtation, then followed by mutual flirtation... while trying to make each other jealous at the same time. smh

~~~~~

Stars in the Dark by Nshi

Persona 5/Final Fantasy XIV Crossover, Canon Divergence

Rating: Mature

Synopsis: "In spite of… or perhaps because of this, I choose to believe. In mankind's potential. In his ability to find a way forward."

It was supposed to be a proper summer road trip this year. No combat, no god-slaying, no desperate last stand to save the world from certain ruin. But fate has ever had a habit of stringing Joker away from the peaceful and mundane, hasn't it? Not that even he could have ever expected to be hailed as the 'Warrior of Light'. Kind of ironic, really.

Or: a Persona 5 x Final Fantasy XIV crossover fic in which Joker, instead of a much-belated post-Strikers break, gets his ass Isekai'd into The Source and somehow winds up in the role of Eorzea's champion. As one does.

Ongoing fic, currently sitting at 33 chapters with a 415k word count

THIS IS THE ONE THAT GOT EATEN UP IN THE TAGS BY THE GODDAMN HELLSITE. also the fic that I recently just left a MASSIVE comment on to the author, bc holy shit did this one blow my fuckin mind. that word count is no joke, but don't let the long chapters intimidate you. takes place after Royal and Strikers on the P5 side, and at the start of 'A Realm Reborn' (base game) on the XIV side. XIV veterans will know how much of a slog ARR can be compared to the expansions, but the author actually makes it SO much more enjoyable here. THE SCIONS ACTUALLY DO SHIT. not that they don't in canon, but they're actually a lot more involved here, like they join Joker for the dungeon runs! also the camaraderie he has with them all is infectious as hell. oh another thing! Joker can still use personas, but besides Arsene, they work VERY differently in this fic, and it's actually really fucking cool. OH, also there's a side-fic for this one called Among Uncountable Stars that covers scenes and quests that couldn't fit into the main fic. author has also made art for the fic, which they link in the chapters themselves!

[fitzrove]

One time I did a "Best Nightwish albums" list and today I started thinking I might as well do a best musicals list 😭 Not all of these shows are good but I like them a whole lot!!! (Scroll to the bottom to see a thing where I Tagged People)

1. Tanz der Vampire (1997 original & Hamburg 2005)

I had a hard time picking an Ultimate Fave but I do think TdV takes the cake. It's not every day a show makes you learn a new language and has you basically uproot your life to go live nearer where it's shown xD Soooo good. I keep finding new things to like about it as the years go on, and while it has Faults, Carpe Noctem alone is probably one of the best musical numbers ever made. It's so well crafted in terms of music, lyrics, stage design and choreography!!

2. Elisabeth (many prods)

Depression but it's gay,,,,,,,

3. Wicked

Noooo babe don't drown in despair and self hatred after you got all you ever wanted in a way that Went Horribly Wrong you're too sexy aha besides you have a bubble to go around in!!!

4. POTO

I'm just here for the setting (soooooo into it and even more so after I read the book many many years ago) and Carlotta. And the movie does setting really well, it's so lush. I've been to the actual Palais Garnier and desperately want to go again

5. Les Mis

Had a hard time placing 5 and 6 but I think LM has more bops so it goes here. Idk if I will ever get around to the book lmaoo maybe I can look up the gay bits on tumblr

6. Cabaret

Continuously insane abt this show actually, and I think more so after I read the book

7. The Dolls of New Albion

!!!! It's so flawed but the music is great and the premise is super interesting and rare. The sequels are dead (hehe) to me tho because they ruin the mystery and wonder of the worldbuilding xD

8. Rocky Horror (Picture) Show

Really like the songs!! And the aesthetic lmao

9. The Producers

😭😭 I have no excuse I just really really like the songs and I think the humor works for me as well

Honorable mentions and old faves: Chicago, HoND, Evita, LOTR, J&H, 35MM (I listened to this a lot at one point even tho I don't think it's that deep as a show ajsksk), Six, Hamilton, Be More Chill, Beetlejuice (there's a deleted demo song I'm obsessed with and the music is really catchy)

Also lol I got this far before mentioning Rebecca and Mozart 💀💀💀💀💀 I like both a lot (more than, say, J&H and HoND, but less than Les Mis or Cabaret) but they're not Ultimate Faves, at least not right now. Some of the songs I'm completely obsessed with though (Mozart, Mozart! and Wie kann es möglich sein mostly)

--

ALSO i want to torment people so if you want please feel free to do a Subjective Best Musicals List too if I tag you (and even if I didn't tag you, if you want)!! No pressure on length, just put however many you feel like - I think my list is a little on the long side. And if you don't want to do it at all that's okay too :D

@sarcasticdolphin @earthly-apples @wo-der-horizont-beginnt @armandjolras @ins-licht @webbysmuse and everyone else who wants to do this!!!

[wenchofthescullery]

What To Do During the Strike, Day 8

*

Subtitle: A loose collection of recommendations to keep you busy, should we suffer from similar tastes and interests.

*

So, poetry.

Before anything else, do you know about PoetryRx? You need to know about this! You, too, can get a list of poems curated for a very specific interest or emotion.

The archives are here:

In this loosely collated series of posts, I've been trying to focus on easily accessible recommendations for good writing that might have passed you by. Oddly, poetry is a bit more difficult. I think it's because this is Tumblr, and we do love our snippets here.

How often have you seen this?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do With your one wild and precious life?

It's from Mary Oliver's The Summer Day. People love this, and it gets quoted frequently. Another favorite is Wild Geese:

You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

She has been described as naive, brilliant, popular, and a thousand other adjectives we will not name. Today I want to give you an aged woman with a simple life: someone who survived sexual abuse as a child, back before we discussed it much; who lived her love with another women for 40 years, back when that was even more dangerous than now; and a woman who walked the farm with her dog, looked at the world, and wrote things.

And Mary Oliver was gentle, and she was strong. She died a few years ago, just before the pandemic. That was a grief for me. I lost a friend.

Here is the first poem I read of hers, and the one that stays with me:

The Journey One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice— though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do— determined to save the only life you could save.

—————————

Edited to add: That lingers. That hurts. It is advice, but it is also holding the hand of someone who had to make hard choices, and for whom you feel a kinship.

We have been here before, you and I. Let us sit here for a moment. Although you left, you are not alone.

—————————

Next up is religion.

[i-dont-talk-for-days-on-end]

I posted 668 times in 2022

That's 668 more posts than 2021!

78 posts created (12%)

590 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@helloliriels

@cottagecoresherlock

@rhasima

@ohlooktheresabee

@ogsherlockholmes

I tagged 652 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#sherlock holmes - 493 posts

#john watson - 327 posts

#sherlock bbc - 299 posts

#fanart - 185 posts

#queue the very best of times - 137 posts

#acd canon - 127 posts

#bbc sherlock - 85 posts

#johnlock - 60 posts

#granada holmes - 57 posts

#221b baker street - 27 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#at least thats my impression but i havent studied history and maybe thats why i feel a bit helpless attempting to approach it theoretically

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I think it's absolutely hilarious that ACD canon Dr. Watson makes a list of Sherlock Holmes' skills and weaknesses during their first week of living together. It's right after finding out that Holmes knows nothing about the solar system, and Watson is compiling the list to figure out what exactly is his flatmate's profession (but he fails and throws the list "into the fire in despair") - and, if you ask me, also because he's just so intrigued. (I mean, what kind of person makes a list about their flatmate's skill set? I lived with a lot of people at university, but I never made such a list. Don't tell me I'm the weird one here!)

So, the first hilarious thing is that Watson captions the list

✨️Sherlock Holmes - his limits✨️

He doesn't write "Sherlock Holmes - his skills" or something similar, because Holmes has doubtlessly already displayed such a weird and astonishing variety of knowledge (and bragged about it) that it feels much more satisfying to Watson to write about his limits. Watson even confesses: "I couldn't help smiling at the document when I had completed it." Just saying.

Also notice how he starts the list with the things Holmes knows nothing about.

See the full post

282 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#4

Okay, so, let’s pretend for a second the creators of the show are right and neither John nor Sherlock have any romantic feelings for each other. What do you make out of this, then?

See the full post

322 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

#3

First five episodes of Sherlock: Look at me, I'm a witty show about a detective solving cases together with his best friend (???), full of funny little moments and a great aesthetic

Everything after that: Haha gotcha, no, I meant it when I said it, I will burn the heart out of you, oh, and also break every bone in your body while naming it, and I hope you drown slowly because CONGRATULATIONS, everything that will happen from now on will fill you with an aching sadness

363 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#2

I just realised that when Mycroft kidnapped John and offered him money to spy on Sherlock, he probably didn't actually want him to say yes. It was a test. He wanted to see if John was trustworthy or if his loyalty could be bought (this might also be the reason why he introduced himself as "an enemy" of Sherlock!) and would therefore pose a threat to his brother. Probably if John had said yes, Mycroft had taken all the necessary steps to prevent him from getting too close to Sherlock. (Maybe he has even done something similar before???)

425 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Sherlock searching the whole flat for cigarettes like a madman is so funny because he could easily leave the flat and buy new ones, but no, he wants John to witness just how extra Sherlock is and how desperate he is and oh oh! oh! jail for John! jail for John for One Thousand Years!!!!

601 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sirfrogsworth]

This is a funny tweet. 

But I disliked it. 

I disliked its immediacy.

It made me think about how much I am really struggling with my place in the Left recently. 

I love Cody and I think he is an important voice in the Progressive movement. I’ve known him since old school Tumblr and watching him grow over the years has been amazing. 

But lately he doesn’t seem to have the ability to take even a single second to acknowledge and appreciate a step forward. 

It’s not just him. So many are just *stuck* in this cynical hole in which they skip the joy of a good thing and move on to the next struggle. 

It’s not that I don’t share his above frustration. And since the election some of Biden’s picks for his cabinet have tugged me toward that void of cynical “everything is still terrible.” 

But movements need hope. They need optimism. If all that fuels you is your anger and frustration and pessimism, it is going to hollow out your soul. And if things ever do get better, you might not know what to do with yourself in that world. 

I worry if those are the only emotions our collective can express, that certainly isn’t going to inspire and convince those we need to join our movement. 

“Come be a Progressive! We’re sad all the time and have no hope. Our jokes are top notch though! But they are about how we’re sad all the time and have no hope.”

We have to take time to celebrate our victories--small may they be right now. 

When I look at Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, I see her acknowledging the good and the bad. I see her fighting and using her anger to push forward. But I also see her joy when progress is made. 

When I was feeling frustrated and hopeless about my fears of a mediocre, status quo Biden presidency, this video appeared in my feed. And it really helped rejuvenate my ambition to keep going. 

Contrast that with Cody’s latest video. 

There is very little in this video I don’t agree with. But this just thrust me back into that hopeless void again. It’s just... not funny anymore. And the video before this was even more hopeless in tone. And the one before that too. 

The last video he made that didn’t descend into pure cynicism and despair was 8 months ago. He did “Some Gooder News” and it was excellent.

But then 8 months straight of hopelessness... it’s just too much.

There has to be a way to balance the frustration with the hope. 

I refuse to only focus on the bad. 

And I am going to celebrate when things go well for a change, especially because I have become intolerant to all antidepressants. 

Maybe I’m in the minority of people who feel this way. I’ve been a little fearful of expressing this. And obviously this isn’t just about Cody. This is something widespread that I am seeing from many folks. I feel bad for making him the avatar of hopeless, cynical progressives, but he was the easiest way to demonstrate the issue I’m having. 

Maybe feeling this way will put me at odds with this group that I love and feel is the best chance we have. When I looked at the replies to Cody’s tweet, anyone who shared a similar sentiment as mine was poorly received and Cody snarked and sarcasm’d them as he is known to do. I thought about saying something until I saw that. 

And I’m not looking for hope just for hope’s sake. I really do believe better things are on the horizon. I truly believe Biden can manage the pandemic and pull us out of this. And I do think Democrats controlling the Senate will lead to easing the suffering of millions of people. I think we can make progress on Climate Change and Healthcare. No, I don’t think it will be as fast as I’d like, nor do I think the Green New Deal or Medicare for All will be viable for possibly years. But there are things in between those goals. There are steps forward that can help people in the here and now. 

It is possible to do more than one thing at a time. I’m okay with slightly better healthcare than we have right now. I’m not going to slap that away because it isn’t the finish line I seek. If the Dems lower drug costs and premiums and get more people insured I am going to celebrate that progress. *Then* I’m going to focus on the step after that. 

I’m not saying we deny the suck. 

I’m saying we shouldn’t let it swallow us.

I believe hope is essential. 

And I think it is better fuel for a movement than anger.

[dreamylyfe-x]

Your trevor meta is making me realize how weird it is that the writers and cast were so insistent that mickey wasn't coming back, because I don't think theyve ever really known what to do with ian's story without him. They put him in these lukewarm relationships and tell us they're so much better and healthier, but then have ian straight up admit that he still loves mickey and nobody else has made him feel the same way. How do they set that up and then have him go back to trevor? They set up ian moving on with "I'm not that person anymore" and follow up with season 8. It's like okay...who he is now is gay Jesus? Lmao. He's always been the shows forgotten middle child and after they wrote mickey off "for good" they could have taken him in a million directions but they chose one so shitty it basically made cam leave lmao. Sometimes it feels like fan insistence kind of forced mickey back but in actuality, the seasons where he's gone just hammer home that he was always the inevitable end to ian's story. So bizarre how little the showrunners understand their own story sometimes.

Ok. I’m going to be a little more Doylist here than I usually am, because we’re talking about what the writers are thinking. And I’m also going to take this opportunity to share this fascinating article from the AV Club in 2016: When Fan Engagement Goes Wrong. Everyone beware, it contains significant spoilers for The 100. But it’s also largely about Gallavich, the fact that online promotion of Shameless leaned hard into the popularity of the couple, and were up against it when Noel left. I’ll quote: 

“[Supervising Producer Shelia] Callaghan’s choice to be honest and straightforward when engaging with fans is admirable, and yet also on some level futile. She can’t tell them exactly why Fisher chose to leave, she is (logically) unwilling to spoil future storylines outright, and she can only speak her own mind as part of a collaborative process over which she holds only some influence. So while many fans respect her effort to maintain the connection to this now marginalized community, others attack, reinforcing that attempting to manage these situations is a full-time job that no one has been properly trained for.” 

This article links some tweets and the one I find the most interesting is this one:

“But the actor left.  So...what to do? Have them just break up?? Felt way less true to me than a forced separation!” 

That tweet is from Krista Vernoff, who wanted to convey that they tried really hard to come up with what they do with Ian now that he’d lost Mickey. And I’m sure they did try really hard. And.... People hated it. Mostly. 

Here’s what I think, based on what I’ve read and the interviews I’ve seen, on deleted tweets and Tumblr rumours and YouTube clips: The show didn’t want Mickey to leave the canvas. At all. Noel wanted more money. The show could not come up with both that money and the money they needed for everyone else. The show let him go. And hoped they could solve the creative problem their budgetary problem had dumped in their lap. 

I actually think Ian’s story in season six is decent. I miss Mickey, of course. I find the last scene with him really painful -- but it’s not painful because the show is trying to diminish him. They write and then cut together a scene where Mickey is DEMONSTRATIVELY still deeply in love with Ian. He’s carved his name in his chest. He is looking at Ian like he’s the most beautiful creature ever given breath. And Ian can barely meet his gaze. They tell us Mickey is being sent away for 16 years but when we see the last of Mickey Milkovich in season six I think “God, this is so sad. They love each other so much and this is so fucked up.” 

I do NOT think “We are NEVER EVER EVER getting back together.” 

The show always knew what it had with Ian and Mickey. They leaned into it promotionally. They gave meaty storylines to the characters, particularly given that Ian was the fourth lead on a family dramedy built around six children. John Wells replaced Aaron Sorkin on The West Wing. He knows how hard it is to follow a phenomenon. 

The more I think about it, honestly? I don’t think they tried. I think they knew that they couldn’t bring in Mickey Milkovich, the sequel in season six, so they brought in Caleb. And maybe they meant for him to be a LITTLE more viable than he was... but I think there’s a pretty good chance they were just throwing something at the wall to see if it stuck, while being fully aware that the important storyline in season six was getting Ian from despair to a fulfilling career. Caleb was just there as a catalyst. 

Season seven if more interesting, because Trevor is brought on and it’s very much... “Hey, let’s do something new. Let’s bring on a transmasc character and put him into a relationship with Ian and explore those complications.” 

“Great! Put it up on the board!” 

“Also. Let’s call Noel Fisher’s people and see what we can work out because we can do better with Mickey’s send off and people are yelling at me on the street about it.” 

Quite honestly, these are not equal tasks for his writer’s room. You have one story -- Create a whole ass new character. The only thing we know is that he’s trans. Figure out the romance from there. You have six episodes to get them together as an established couple. 

Then: Bring back the well-established and beloved character for an epic romantic two-episode arc where he reunites with his true love and they run away together and then ultimately realize it cannot be, and say goodbye and it all feels like I Will Always Love You should be playing in the background. They actors worked together for five years. They have a great professional partnership. They like working together. They have a ton of history so there’s lots of juicy subtext. The longing and sexual tension comes pre-established. See what you can do. 

HOW do you make both those things work out so that they are equal? You need lightening to strike. And that already happened on How I Met Your Mother. They squandered their good luck and now there is none left for Shameless. I do not disparage Elliot Fletcher at all when I say that for Trevor and Ian to really work he’d have had to have come with scorching chemistry with Cam, rich material that really gave them a good opportunity to build rapport between the characters, and A wizard standing by to cast spells in the wings. They had SIX episodes, a pretty average connection between the actors, and the “these are the LGBTQ+ people in your neighbourhood” scene. 

I just can’t believe that someone with as many years of TV writing under his belt as John Wells has expected that to work. He hoped the Trevor story might be good, and was certainly going to break some ground in terms of telling trans stories. And the Mickey story was going to be the highlight, because he knew people wanted it and he also knew that they’d had something pretty special to start with. Which is why people were yelling at him at Comic-Con. I DO think he hoped it might placate fans a bit. But... he wasn’t going to completely close the door on Mickey this time, either. 

So... I don’t really think the show every intended to write Mickey off “for good”. I think they wrote him off “for now, and we’ll see what happens...” -- and they did that with Karen, Shelia, Jody, Steve and Fiona, too. They only brought a few of those people back... They brought Mickey back three times. They ended Gallavich FOUR times. Noel is in ever season except eight. I don’t think they wanted Mickey gone -- but I KNOW the fans also made it pretty hard for them not to know his value, so absolutely I think that played a role. But when you create something people love and you get that lightening in a bottle like they did with this story, I think writers are always going to be excited to get that back. They like praise! They like people to be excited about their show. And Gallavich was always one of the things that got people excited about Shameless. 

I think they also wanted Gay Jesus to be a great story. But that’s why the lightening in the bottle is so valuable. You can’t just get it anywhere. 

[animecreator3000]

About the Boueibu iceberg

@delphoxqueen asked me to explain about my list for the iceberg so here it is. I might update this from time to time with links and stuff if I stumble across the original posts. This is all from what I know so feel free to add new info. Also, spoiler warning for RobiHachi and the Boueibu manga and novels. (This is like a masterpost it’s very long)

1. There’s a theory in tumblr about which decade the series is set in, using data like the friday the 13th calendar in s2 ep11. In HK we got a second number for when the next monthly Pretty Boy Contest was happening and using the one from Love it was theorized that around a decade had passed since then, which ended up being true.

2. The stage play had a few original songs and characters exclusive to it so unless you watched the full performance, you probably weren’t able to witness all of them. One of the characters is called “Robato Deniro”, as romanized in the stage play booklet I own.

3. The nurse and the cafeteria staff from the s1 mobile game appear in the background in around the first half of s2 ep3.

4. S2 had an unfinished manga that was only available online and was never released on physical format; it was centered around the defense club and sometimes the conquest club and Beppu brothers. All that’s left from what I know are the scans linked on magicalgirlsandcerulean’s blog.

5. This isn’t that obscure because it’s talked about in the anime, but I’m mentioning it because I think many people dropped it before the ova, where right at the beginning it is revealed that the alien that resucitated Mr. Tawarayama twice was, as described by Io, a “mulberry-colored naked mole rat-looking thing”, and was nicknamed “Moley-san” by Yumoto. At least in the anime, we had never heard before of who this was and it never appeared on screen nor was mentioned again.

6. In HK ep8, Karurusu promises the knights to grant a wish if they show him how earthlings spend summer. Kyoutarou reveals at the end of the episode that he wished that summer lasted one more day so he could spend it doing nothing, which prompts Ichiro to theorize that it’s the 32nd of august, and the next day is the second 1st of september.

7. The stage play was was held from march 10th to 13rd, of which the latter is Ryuu’s birthday. There’s an additional recording of a small celebration with cake focused on Ryuu and Io.

8. Atsushi mentions his older sister in the flashback at the beginning of s1 ep4, but she never appears or is mentioned again.

9. There’s a few posts on tumblr theorizing about what happened to the Hakone parents since Yumoto only says in s2 ep3 that according to Gora, “they are busy with their hot springs tour”. En mentions that it’s a bit suspicious, but it’s all the information we have from the anime. Posts talk about the parents perhaps passing away from an accident or an illness, thus the reason why Gora was so worried about Yumoto’s cold in s1 ep10, but from another post I think it’s implied in the second novel that they actually left their home when Yumoto was still a toddler.

10. It’s no secret that the surnames of the characters are all real onsens in Japan that even the seiyuus have visited, but apparently the Arima onsen has two different kinds of water, “kinsen (gold hot spring)” and “ginsen (silver hot spring)”, with different properties each, and the Kusatsu onsen water also has certain properties, both that were used to build the characters. Additionally, Ryuu’s favorite food are Sato Nishiki cherries, which are grown in the same prefecture, Yamagata, as his onsen, Zaou.

11. The press club lose relevance after s1, with only Kinosaki and Tazawa reappearing briefly in s2 ep2 to interview the Beppu twins after they arrive at the school. Tazawa doesn’t even have lines. Hireashi is mentioned by Zundar in ep11.

12. What the heck

13. Exclusively in the manga we see that Arima met Kinshiro and Atsushi when they were little and they were good friends, but when they met again as adults, Kinshiro seemingly didn’t remember Arima. Atsushi, however, stated that Kinshiro’s talent is remembering people’s faces and names, so Arima wonders if he’s just trying to distance himself from him. He also explains to Akoya that he follows Kinshiro and obeys him because as a child, he was fascinated by his radiant smile. This is never talked about in the anime.

14. Like the previous point, the anime never shows Akoya being bullied, at most just a slight dislike of his full name, but the manga shows that he was made fun of for it and how he actually hates his surname, to the point of introducing himself formally to the president and vicepresident of the student council as “Holy Angel Akoya”.

15, 16, 17, 19. Batonama lives were the livestreams done through the franchise by the defense club seiyuus on youtube and niconico. They’re all on youtube, without any kind of translation.

Love-ko is a girl with a shell bikini drawn on a piece of cardboard that was used as a girlfriend in the Batonama Love! lives, acted by the seiyuus themselves.

RobiHachi has one episode full of official Boueibu artwork and a parody of the series too, a Love-ko doll appears, and Wombat appears as well, named “The Don”. It received an english dub, so for a bit, people were excited that Wombat was going to speak in english too. Also, various mechas appear in both Boueibu and RobiHachi.

18. The director of Fairy Ranmaru (Masakazu Hishida if I’m not wrong) revealed in an interview that he was inspired by Boueibu and aimed to make a show like that.

20, 21. The website super-groupies.com has results for defense and conquest club lingerie sets, dc and VEPPer tote bags, the Beppus’ scarf rings, dc bath sets and the pumps magicalgirlsandcerulean mentioned. I’ve found the s1 Loveracelets and Caerula Adamas’ ring on different sites, the True Loveracelets on TheChara’s twitter and the Happybraces (apparently called “Hapibure”) on broccoli.co.jp but I’m not sure where exactly they were all announced and sold, so I’ll just drop that.

22, 33. Boueibu was originally pretty much a copy of Sailor Moon, I think they were all going to be called “Lackluster Moon” and that stuff and be literally Sailor Moon genderbent. They were all different from color palettes to physical features (except Yumoto’s), and Ryuu was a shota, even smaller than Yumoto. Their names were also very reminiscent of the five Sailor Senshis’. Even if they made it more original, the show is still clearly inspired by Sailor Moon (just look at Caerula Adamas lol) and Pretty Cure. It has also referenced, very blatantly, animes like Doraemon, Detective Conan, Aikatsu and even Vocaloid, when Kyoutarou tries to guess what Karurusu is saying with ““Just Google It, Asshole”?” in ep1.

23. Wombat’s real name and the name of his planet sound like gibberish to the earthlings and ends up being named after the Earth animal, but Zundar, Dadacha, Karurusu and Furanui all have original names. And I think Hireashi means “goldfish”?

24. If you google “zundar technology”, it’s actually a company in Shanghai, China. Aren’t Wombat and Zundar always talking about “advanced alien technology”?

25. Zundar and Dadacha are siblings, so are Karurusu and Furanui, and so are their father King Kamopapa and their uncle minister Wao, but neither are the same species and, except the first two, not even the same color. But they are supposedly related because they share birthmarks or something like that...

26. Everyone who’s in this fandom knows about the pixel blur and voice pitch censor from s1, but I’ve added it anyway because it’s so rare for mahou shoujo and shounen animes to explain why the heroes aren’t recognized when transformed.

27. A good while of s2 ep11 is spent discussing Zundar’s ex-wife and his problems to give child support. Naturally, he gets mad at this.

28. “Money doesn’t betray” (s1 ep6) and “The despair hidden behind your smile that comes from not being understood” (s3 ep11) are sentences that came out of nowhere and implied that the people they were said by (Io) or about (Taiju) respectively had some kind of angst going on but were never explained at all. They’re famous for just that.

29. The Beppu twins’ house in Andromeda shown in flashbacks had strange green circles that apparently are from another anime I don’t know but honestly I didn’t get it very well... It was revealed on a tweet from Takamatsu.

30. Alien language mostly appeared in s2 due to the many flashbacks of Aki and Haru in Andromeda, but in Boueibu s1, it appears on the Zundar Needle before it is shot on the human. It appears a lot through RobiHachi as well, due to being a story about travelling through space. There might be an alphabetical chart somewhere, but I can’t assure it exists, I might even have dreamed it.

31. Hikaru Midorikawa as the melon monster, Kousuke Toriumi as the bishounen monster, Yoshitsugu Matsuoka as the kotatsu and panda monsters and Takuya Eguchi as the remote controller monster in s1 and 2, before going on to voice the main cast in HK. Keisuke Koumoto voiced Hatchi Kita in RobiHachi as well as Akihiko in Boueibu, and the characters look similar.

A new addition is that so far Boueibu is the only anime I’ve seen where children weren’t voiced by female seiyuus, but by actual children. Personally, it’s charming and makes it so much more realistic, specifically since no women appear in the franchise at all either (not counting Protag-chan in the game).

32. Speaking of seiyuus, Can I Destroy The Earth? had a dub shown in ep11/12 (?) that made Gora the villain that wanted Earth to stay the same and not progress, against the monsters that supposedly wanted to bring good things to earthlings. Aki and Haru quickly dismissed this dub as fake. (I made a mistake in the title in the previous post btw)

34. As seen in the glossary in the Boueibu Mook (I think, but might not be the mook), Caerula Adamas’ speeches are based on an old japanese detergent commercial that went “Gold, silver, pearl, gift”.

35. In the manga there’s a short parody of the first chapter of Sailor Moon with “Pretty Boy Guardian Gakuran Akoya”. The conquest club manga was released before the anime, so I remember reading somewhere that a fake website appeared for the Gakuran Akoya manga, before turning into the conquest club manga website in the day of its release.

36. Cgi was used a few times in the anime: s2 ep10 for a short sequence of the defense club on a rollercoaster and the carousel monster, ep11 for a cenital shot of the Battle Lovers singing, and HK ep12 for the Honyalaland soldiers and the Wao mecha.

37. The toothbrush incident in s1 ep7. (It’s definitely well-known but it’s so weird lol)

38. “We hope we can see each other again someday!” Something along those lines was the last text to appear in the last episode of HK, implying a s2. We all know how that went.

[utterlyhooked]

can you stop reposting gifs without credit please

Hey Nonnie, which one? Please point it out!

ETA: Barking up the wrong tree here Nonnie!

I received this today and was contemplating of whether to answer it or not. I thought, feck it, why not?!

I have been making GIF's and learning as I go along and I am still such a beginner but I was really proud of my latest post of LBFAD. I think it's my best yet (of those that I posted). The quality is still sub par compared to the ones made by GIF making gods here in tumblr but I was really happy with them especially because I am not techy.

here they are (my lastest 2 tumblr GIF posts) in one of my folders. For example, the one enclosed in red, the file size was too large so I had to lower the resolution so I could lower the file size hence there are 2 there. ETA: On my Despairing GIF post, for the subtitle/dialogue, I used DidactGothic font with font size 15, in white with no borders, and 100% opacity!

I removed the file names here because quite frankly, it's none of your business!

I tagged them as #cdramaedit, I thought that was enough. I was going to put #myedit but I thought it was hubris to put one on mine since the quality is not the greatest but I will now!... when I remember! I also wanted to put my mark on them but I did not like the fonts available so I didn't, but I will now!... when I remember!

Here's one example that I made today from LLTG, this is one of the favourite GIF's that I made. There's my mark on it now just so you know that I made it! MINE!

It is a series of 4 that I made back in late August - very early September. I have only used 2 of them in my posts. I use these as basis depending on what I need and edit - crop, add text, sharpen, adjust hues, brightness, contrast, saturation, etc... I have 46 GIF's in my LLTG Gif folder alone!

ETA: I was really happy with making GIF's and I can see my progress from really crappy gifs to the latest ones which I am very happy with. I have been teaching myself, exploring, and learning more, at my leisure, and enjoyed the journey so far. It's very relaxing. But now, I'm annoyed!

Since joining tumblr, I started making GIF's. I started with GIPHY and quite frankly they were crap! It was grainy, low resolution, but I still made them and posted some of them. The ones shown below are all made by me. I even attempted to put my mark on some of them. My GIF's might be crap, but they are my GIF's!

Afterwards I started using Kapwing which made my GIF’s slightly better but they changed their format (whatever you call it, I don't know!) so I looked for other ones. I started using another app especially in trimming videos (it doesn't compromise the resolution!) so I can make GIF's from them. I also found a better video downloader app which made a big difference for me. Another thing is that I found a new to me app that makes better GIF's in comparison to what I was using before.

Honestly, the one that I can think of is a post I made of The Untamed back in the last days of December 2021. Although, it's a GIF from tumblr showing who the original poster is and when it is clicked on, it opens a link to the original post. It also notifies the original poster. Is this what you are talking about? or are you talking about the cartoon reaction GIF's like Ursula from little mermaid?

Some part of my brain is saying that I should probably take this as a compliment, my latest GIF's are probably good enough to be compared to the great GIFs here in Tumblr. Maybe.

[septembersghost]

Hi,

I just wanted to say, your response to that anon reminded me so much of me.

I was sexually harrassed by a professor at 19, when I was in my third year of university. I went right out of highschool and did everything you're supposed to do, but a man with power over me felt entitled to me and then my advisor decided to cover it up to save face for the university and paint me as crazy.

I fled to another school, but my advisor found me and managed to force me out of that school too.

Now, despite having done 4 years of college, I'm 27 with no diploma and I'm just this year finally, sheltered by my new school's title XI office {who has basically had to contact everyone involved in my education to let them know that my old advisor might try to con her way in and cause trouble} a senior in college again.

But what you said about being frozen in time, I felt that so much. I am 27, I have (online) friends who are 26-27 and I've worked very hard to keep up with my age peers, but I keep saying I feel like I'm frozen in time as the 20-year-old university student.

Luckily, I look young for my age so I don't turn heads on campus, many people actually express surprise to hear I'm a senior cuz they thought I was a freshman.

And anyway *bangs head into a wall* I don't have a point other than, you're not alone.

Also, I've taken an incredible amount of comfort in how old Jimmy and Kim (particularly Kim, more than Jimmy) were when th

i'm going to kick tumblr for this very obviously cutting you off 😥🥺

this is dreadful and abominable, and it makes me LIVID that you suffered this, and that more protections aren't in place for students to be heard, believed, and supported. it makes me sick, there is no excuse for it. i am so sorry this happened to you, instead of being properly cared for and treated with respect. it's vile that not only was this allowed to happen at one school, but that your advisor had ANY power whatsoever at another? i'm immensely proud of your strength and that you've continued to pursue your education through all of this, that's amazing. 💗 i am sending you so much love and hope as you persevere, and that everything goes well for you.

i look young for my age as well, though that could be from...staying inside like a victorian recluse for what feels like a lifetime now. and given those circumstances too, i am much younger than my age in certain measurable ways. i have online friends and mutuals whom i adore ranging all ages on here, and i appreciate that immensely, but it's very alienating having to think about the real world implications of everything and where my peers (who i never did fit in particularly well with? i always either felt too young and innocently sheltered around them or like too much of an old soul, not in a pretentious way just in a bit of a contemplative/separated one, but never...right or what i was supposed to be) exist with educations and jobs and relationships and children etc. it's...kind of a living nightmare at certain moments because all of my 20s and now beyond (*throws self on the ground and cries in despair* listen, i am extremely anti-ageism while at the same time unable to embrace or recognize my own existence past the age of 22 at most?). i think it's additionally difficult and frightening for me this year because my mom (my parents had me a bit later) turned 70, and i cannot exist without her and her help, but i see things getting a little harder for her and it fills me with worry and despair, because i'm basically useless and can't fix any of this or ease our situation. there is no safety net for me, i am not welcome anywhere else because nobody can or will deal with my illnesses (i have been told this directly), so she's my only constant family and lifeline. it's just. it's a lot, and i'm feeling almost existentially weighed down by it.

kim being a bit older as a central female character, and yet that never being a factor in her accomplishments, her strengths, her worth, her attractiveness, etc, is SO SO important, and i love how she embodies that for many of us.

[amysteriousmessenger]

‘It’s A Dangerous Game’ - Saeran Choi x Reader (Nsfw)

It’s here!! I’ve spent the last three days entirely dedicated to this fic, I really really hope you guys enjoy it! It’s an absolute labour of love and I would really appreciate any likes and reblogs on it and kind words! I’m sorry for the slightly odd formatting, tumblr messes with it! - Violet 

If Day 9 of Saeran’s route ended a little differently. - A song fic inspired by the song ‘It’s a Dangerous Game’ from Jekyll and Hyde: A Gothic Musical, I really suggest listening to the song whilst reading this fic! 

Title: It’s a Dangerous Game

Word Count: 4.8k

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Saeran Choi x Reader

 You were sat in your room, occasionally getting up to hear if you could make out any conversations on the other side of the door. It was rather muffled, but you heard Saeran’s name muttered a few times, your stomach starting to churn at the mention of him. You were so conflicted. You had loved Ray, that much was evident. You were still so drawn to Saeran, he was a horror at the start and had treated you with such irredeemable cruelty, but he was changing. His turmoil was so plain to see that even the believers couldn’t stop themselves from gossiping about it. You couldn’t bring yourself to hate Saeran, he was hurting you out of his own pain. He didn’t know what to do with his anguish, so he lashed it out on other people. He needed help, but you could only get him out if the two of you could first get to safety. You could tell he wasn’t ready for such an idea. You knew you needed to run far, far away from Magenta: but you wanted Saeran to come with you. Your cold fingertips grazed over the lovebite he had given you, and you felt an urge to see him. You knew it was wrong to feel like this, but you couldn’t help it. Saeran ignited something in you the same way that Ray had done. It felt different, but you couldn’t deny to yourself that it was there.

 Rika’s words had worried you, it was plain to see she blamed you for Saeran going missing and it was just as clear that she was vengeful because of it. But, to you, the fact that this had happened was evidence enough that he was changing, confused and scared. You checked your phone again, but there were no new messages from him. Instead, you read through the messages from Rika once again, lost in her accusations.

‘_____?’ A nameless voice from the back of your room asked. You knew that voice all too well.

        ‘Saeran?’ You whispered back, trying to keep your voice down to ensure that the believers guarding the outside of your room wouldn’t be alerted.

         ‘You recognized me right away. You weren’t waiting for me, were you?’ He moved closer, but still maintained a tentative distance. You sat up in bed and started to move when he stopped you, ‘No need to get out of bed. Relax. I’m not here to torture you…’ He continued. You had never seen him look so… melancholic. Not even Ray had appeared so beaten down and vulnerable in front of you, even when the two of you had encountered V in the garden.

Saeran held your gaze, ‘I will no longer torment you.’

         ‘How come?’ you found your voice from the back of your throat and questioned him, but he explained that it was something he could not summarise in one word. His mint eyes glanced towards the edge of your bed and you beckoned for him to sit down, sensing that he needed to speak.

‘____, you never gave up on me no matter how much I tormented you. You didn’t let my torture and your wounds crush you. I cursed you dozens of times that your eyes are disgusting because you looked like you know a world completely different from mine. And when I kept looking into your face, it felt like I was losing. I wanted to get closer to you, but I also wanted to avoid you. I wanted to know you better, but at the same time, I wanted to neglect you. Even after I tormented you… it didn’t feel like I beat you. That’s why I felt empty. I felt so empty. So, in the end, I got angrier, and I wanted to torment you even more. You’re gentle, but you never fall down. You rebel, but you don’t return your pain to me.’ His gaze dropped for a moment, ‘You avoided me, but you never gave up on me completely… Even now, you haven’t given up on me.’

Your eyes dropped to the hand that he had rested on top of your bedsheets and you tentatively moved your own towards it, gently placing it on top. He startled for a second, not expecting such intimacy. He was so unused to it, it had always been so denied to him.

‘My darkness is melting away, but you still remain the way you are… How can you stay the same?’

‘I thought you were hurting others because you had been so terribly wounded in the past. I stayed the same because you’re you, regardless of whether you’re Saeran or Ray. I care about you both.’

‘You understood me. I should… thank you for understanding me, shouldn’t I?’ He turned his hand slightly to wrap his fingers around yours, ‘Thank you… for understanding me. All those things I said about you, how you were weak and useless, they’re not true at all. I was the weak one. I said all those cruel things to you because I didn’t want people to know I was so weak. I didn’t want to get hurt.’

‘But you hurt yourself by saying such cruel things, you hurt yourself and Ray.’

‘No matter how hard you tried to guide me to the right path, your words couldn’t reach me. Even now, it’s so difficult to accept myself the way I am. I’m ruined beyond hope. It’s impossible for me to throw away my hatred against the world and start all over again in this little hell, but maybe it’s possible for Ray. Right now, he’s speaking inside me… that maybe, just maybe, if what V said is true, he might be able to see his brother again. And that, if he begs for your forgiveness, and if by any chance you’re able to forgive him, then he’ll make you as happy as best he can, with everything he has. I can hear him now, he’s praying in the corner of my heart that everything will work out well and that he’ll be happy one day. I know nothing but anger. I get angry because I’m scared my hope will turn to despair again-‘

‘I won’t let it, not your hope nor Ray’s. I’ll protect it.’ You cut him off. In the darkness, you heard him swallow and it sounded like he started to choke on his own words a little.

‘We already are one. It’s just that my voice is stronger right now. Both Ray and I are… in this body. The monster that had to torture you to hide how pathetic he’s become is me, and the persistent idiot that doesn’t lose hope no matter how much he’s tormented is also me. If I become good enough to keep you unharmed… we’ll naturally become completely one.’ Saeran turned to you, a tear falling from his eye and landing on the hand which sat between the two of you, ‘I must leave.’

‘Saeran, don’t go.’ You clutched at his hand tighter as he tried to flee. The frailness of his hand worried you, knowing that he never ate enough food. You knew all too well that he had strength in those hands, but also tenderness. Softness.

‘I didn’t want to tell you… that I’m sorry. It feels too late, but I should do it anyway. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you.’ He said, stern but sad.

‘I know you did, but it’s different. You’re different. I know you’re sorry. You’re not the same person who did this. You were so…heavily drugged. You aren’t going to do this again, we both know you aren’t.’

‘But I’m the same person who did that.’ Saeran glanced at your neck, at the lovebite. He used his free hand to touch his hand against the bruise. His pale hand stopped just slightly short of actually reaching your throat. He muttered an apology and began to retract his hand, but you caught it and pulled it to your neck so his fingertips couldn’t deny that the lovebite took place. However, there was still such a slight fear of his touch, given everything that had happened, that you gasped at the feeling of his hand on your neck. The chill of fear wasn’t the only reason for the gasp, but he didn’t realise that and attempted to pull his hand away. You held the cold hand against the warmth of your skin.

‘No, no! It’s okay. You’re okay.’ You assured him. It seemed to work as Saeran began to move his fingers up and down the soft skin of your neck, his eyes falling over your bare shoulders and arms.

‘Ray… said that he wanted to be bolder to you, but he’s too scared. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing right now, but I have the capability of being bolder for him. Do you mind… if I try?’ Saeran didn’t move, but held the intense eye contact once again. You could have gotten lost in those eyes of his, but the racing of your heart and the burning in your gut kept you grounded. You wanted him to bolder, to touch you again, in the way that he’s supposed to.

I feel your fingers -

Cold on my shoulder -

Your chilling touch,

Watching your eyes

As they invade my soul -

‘Of course…’ You breathed out, meeting his gaze with a light dusting of red flushing your cheeks.

‘I can’t be tender in the way that Ray can…’ He trailed off.

‘That’s okay, you don’t need to be Ray for me. You can be Saeran.’ You replied and he seemed convinced by this and you felt as his fingers curled at the back of the neck slightly, bringing you closer to him. He pressed his chapped lips against yours for a moment and you were worried he was going to hear your heart beating so loudly at the contact. Saeran pulled away momentarily to gauge your reaction was a positive one, and then pushed his lips against yours once again with increased intensity. He was rough, that couldn’t be denied. But he wasn’t doing it to hurt you, Saeran just wasn’t as tamed as Ray. Your breath hitched in your throat as he crawled across the bed to be kneeling above you, refusing to break the kiss as he did so. Your arms slide around the back of his neck, working your fingers into his hair as one hand grabbed onto your thigh.

Forbidden pleasures

I'm afraid to make mine.

            He opened your mouth with his own and pushed his tongue inside, causing you to moan. It felt so dangerous, with the believers outside. You knew someone could open the door at any moment and Saeran knew it too. It still felt risky doing such a thing with Saeran after he had been so cruel to you, but you didn’t want to stop. It was so good and you could tell by the way he looked at you, by the way he touched you, that he wasn’t the same person that introduced himself a few days ago.

At the touch of your hand -

At the sound of your voice -

At the moment your eyes meet mine -

I am out of my mind -

I am out of control -

Full of feelings I can't define!

He broke off the kiss first, needing a second to catch his breath. He seemed to be wary of the door opening too and moved off the bed to listen for any voices on the other side of the door. He paused there for a moment, waiting. You missed the connection and the sensation of his body so close, the touch of his lips against yours. An idea popped into your head. You slipped out of bed to grab a chair and handed it to him to slide underneath the door handles so they couldn’t be opened. 

           You also stood with your ear to the door and closed your eyes to concentrate on any slight noise. You couldn’t hear anything except for the thud of your heart and the quiet shift of Saeran’s clothes, which was a relief. Once you were satisfied that no one was outside, you sighed and were about to turn around to look for Saeran. However, before you had the chance to do that, his arms had already snaked their way around your waist and had pulled you close to him with his torso pressing against your back. He muttered your name as he sighed against your ear, placing small kisses along the side of your neck. It took everything you had to not moan in that moment, since you were both so close to the door, and instead you let out a few shaky breaths as he kissed your neck and shoulder with more fervour. 

It's a sin with no name -

Like a hand in a flame -

And our senses proclaim

It's a dangerous game!

           You weren’t sure how far the two of you were going to go, but the heat pooling in your stomach indicated that you didn’t want to stop anytime soon. Evidently, neither did he. Saeran pulled you by the waist and moved you up against the wall so you were facing him once again. His eyes seemed darker, half lidded and needy. Within an instant, his mouth was on yours once again, kissing and pulling at your lips. He let out a very quiet groan as your hands worked their way up his body and onto his shoulders before moving them to grab onto his hair. His started kissing along your jawline and onto your neck again, pausing next to the lovebite he had previously given you and you knew it was bothering him.

           ‘It’s okay. You can keep going.’ You whispered back and the man attached his lips once more to your throat, leaving small purple bruises as he did. Your own hand reached up to smother the moans coming out of your mouth as you got more and more turned on. He kissed every bruise he left, including the original one to change the meaning of it. It was no longer a thing of anguish, he wanted it to be one of affection. 

A strange romance -

Out of a mystery tale -

The frightened princess

Doesn't know what to do!

‘Don’t cover your mouth, I want to hear you.’ Saeran whispered into your neck, giving you goosebumps at the sensation. As though to emphasise his point, he lifted your arms above your head, holding both of your wrists together as he went back into kissing you.

‘Ray wanted to do this to you too…’ He continued, sliding one of his legs between yours as you melted against him.

‘He can. I wouldn’t stop him.’ You practically moaned into his mouth and Saeran broke the kiss suddenly, conflict shadowing his face. You were confused, and a little scared for him for a moment. You were so worried that you had done or said something wrong and almost began to apologise. That was until you felt the source of his conflict pressing hard against your thigh. Saeran lent his head down so his forehead was pressing against your shoulder and sighed. He loosened the grip he had on your wrists in defeat.

‘I should go. This is too much for you.’ He muttered, cursing his body for such a reaction. It wasn’t as though it was entirely unprecedented given how the situation had escalated, but he didn’t want to push too much too soon. He knew he had to be considerate of you and considerate of his previous actions.

‘I don’t want you to go-’ You pleaded, using one hand to cup his cheek and pull him into another kiss, ‘stay with me.’ He nodded, even if he seemed worried about imposing on you in such a way. He had you so painfully turned on and you were glad you had him feeling the same way. It wasn’t too much for you. In that moment, it was exactly what you wanted.

All I know is I'm lost -

And I'm counting the cost -

My emotions are in a spin!

And though no one’s to blame...

It's a crime and a shame!

 When he was on top of you, you could feel his growing erection pressed against his suit trousers. There was a sense of urgency, desperation, about this intimacy and Saeran pushed your dress up over your hips, exposing your dark underwear in the moonlight. You were inexperienced, and oh so willing to let him take the lead with this, but still a little embarrassed and squeaked at the sudden cool air to your thighs. You went to close them but Saeran held them open, moving himself to lodge his torso between them, a smirk you had never seen appearing on his face. 

but it's true all the same

It's a dangerous game!

You watched as his eyes darkened again at your consent and he guided you towards the bed, not being able to keep his hands off of you for even a single moment. They grabbed at your hips, your waist, your thighs. Your legs hit the back of the bed and you fell backwards onto the plush sheets with Saeran falling on top of you. He had taken to biting at your lips as one of his hands slipped underneath the hem of your black dress, squeezing at your upper thigh and making you shiver. You couldn’t help but moan each time he touched you somewhere new, and you nearly whined when his body left yours to take off his black blazer and tie. There was something about the way that he yanked his tie down to loosen it which made your legs shake slightly in anticipation. He didn’t take the time to fold them, instead leaving them discarded on the floor. They weren’t what was important right now.                        

‘Do you want to undo your dress? If I have to do it, I’d rather just rip it.’ He said, cocking an eyebrow. You complied and undid the zip down the side of the dress and pulled it off from above your head, wanting to spare the fabric. You hadn’t even thrown the dress on the floor before Saeran was grabbing for your chest with one hand and trying to undo his shirt with the other. His plan wasn’t exactly working, so you reached out your hands to unbutton his shirt for him. You felt so… naked under his intense gaze as he didn’t take his eyes off you as you undressed his pulling his shirt from his arms. His cold gaze followed your fingertips as they trace along the outline of his body, the weak body he hated so much, touching along the many scars he had. You couldn’t help but look in horror at the new ones from the ‘cleansing’ he was put through in order to destroy Ray. There were so many, they were so deep. Some of them had been bandaged haphazardly and disinfected, probably by Ray whilst others were barely starting to scab over. He must have seen your expression drop because he put his hand under your chin to make you meet his gaze.

‘You don’t need to worry about those. I’m okay now.’ He pulled you in to another kiss as he reached around to undo your bra, you were thankful that he decided to not rip it, and the lovebites began moving down your chest as he grabbed at your breasts. You gasped against him, unable to contain how good his hands were already making you feel. You didn’t need to find words to convey it, your body was already acting on its own. Wanting him, needing him. 

‘I’ll ask one more time, are you sure about this? I don’t think I can love you in the same way that Ray can. I won’t hurt you on purpose, but I can’t promise I can do wha-’ Saeran started.

           ‘I’m sure. You’ve already said that both you and Ray are one. You don’t need to love me in the same that Ray would, because you’re Saeran. I trust… Saeran too.’ You touched the side of his face and he planted rough kisses down your body, placing one into the hem of your underwear before he pulled them down and off your legs. He positioned himself between your thighs, his rough hands grabbing and kissing at them, adding the occasional bite. You couldn’t deny that you loved the teasing, but you needed something more, you craved to be touched properly. His mouth found itself on your hipbone, sucking hard to form another purple bruise before trailing his tongue across to between your thighs, finally giving you the sensation you desired. 

           ‘Sa-Saeran…’ Your breath choked in your throat as his tongue brushed against every intimate part of you. He hasn’t tentative, but bold and rough. He licked and sucked until he found out what made you moan the most, savouring the fact that he could make your thighs shake to such an extent that he had to hold them in a hard grip to keep them steady. His soft tongue was rough, but never forceful. It was eager, determined to please for both parties. You were embarrassed to look, but when you glanced your eyes down at him his powerful gaze was holding your own, deciphering every reaction you made. The intensity in his cool eyes caused the knot that had been slowly forming in your stomach to begin tightening more and more, to the point where his hands were the only thing keeping you from subconsciously squeezing your thighs around his head. You threw your hands into his bleached hair, unable to help yourself from needing something to hold onto.

              ‘Does the Princess like that?’ He asked, biting onto your thigh and catching his breath. All you could manage in response was a moan and a few whimpers, silently begging him.

 No one speaks -

Not one word -

But the words are in our eyes

Saeran was also getting painfully hard from watching the reaction he had on you, how good he could make you feel with his mouth. He had never liked his body, but he, at a base level, at least appreciated that he was capable of bringing you such pleasure, even if it had to come at the price of first causing you such pain. He felt the tip of his erection leaking pre-cum uncomfortably into his tight boxers and deprived you of his tongue in order to free himself from the now restrictive trousers. 

‘You’ll like this more.’ He knelt up on the bed, looming over you. The room was so dark, the moonlight providing the only illumination against his icy eyes and smirk. He wiped the wetness from his jaw and used the same hand to circle the head of his dick, spreading the pre-cum along his shaft. You clenched your thighs at the sight in absolute yearning. 

‘Tell me that you want it, Princess.’ He edged closer to you, moving all the way up so that he was practically in your face. He hovered above you on his hands and legs, and you felt his erection touch the side of your leg. You were so desperate to be close to him once again, you swallowed.

‘I want…it.’ You whispered and you blushed and averted your gaze from his in embarrassment.

At the touch of your hand -

‘Say it again.’ Once again, he moved your head so you couldn’t look away from him.

At the sound of your voice -

‘I want it… Saeran.’ Your voice trailed off as you felt him reach down to adjust himself, lining up his tip with your entrance. 

At the moment your eyes meet mine -

            The both of you let out broken groans as he pushed himself into you.

‘Ah, you’re… fucking tight.’ You opened your eyes to see him with his eyes squeezed shut in a mixture of pleasure and concentration. For a moment, you were so lost in the feeling of being so utterly filled by him. He had already felt so good just going in that the idea of him finally moving inside you was nearly enough to make your eyes roll into the back of your head. He waited until you felt comfortable enough for him to move before setting a rough rhythm. This time, Saeran did have to muffle your mouth to smother your moans. Of course, he made sure not to hurt you in the process. It fuelled his confidence to know he was fucking you that good, but this was not the time to get caught by another believer. He kept his gaze on your face, watching as you closed your eyes and a new wave of pleasure washed over you with every hard thrust of his hips. Occasionally, he dipped his head to bite at your collarbones or groan out a curse in your ear.

I am out of control -

Fighting feelings I can't define!

 I am out of my mind -

It's a sin with no name -

No remorse and no shame -

           Saeran continued to thrust into you, hitting you and new and deeper angles each couple of minutes so the sensations always felt different. His pace was merciless and you didn’t have an opportunity to think between every new snap of his hips. That knot in your stomach was almost unbearably tight and threatened to snap at any moment. Part of you didn’t want it to, because you didn’t want the moment to end. 

           Your arms grabbed along his back, unable to help but claw lightly at the damp skin. Even in your delirium, you made an effort to avoid any of his injuries. The last thing you wanted to cause Saeran was more pain. Eventually, he had to remove the hand from your mouth in order to support himself better. It was clear that he was also reaching his limit as he panted in the crook of your neck, his thrusts getting even rougher and more vigorous than they had been at the start.

And the angels proclaim

It's a dangerous game!

           Suddenly, and without enough time to warn Saeran, the knot snapped and you orgasmed within him still slamming into you.

‘God!’ you cried, and you truly could have thanked God for the man between your legs right now, ‘S-Saeran, a-ah!’ You choked out between slam, your mind numb to absolutely everything other than the overwhelming pleasure he had brought you. He couldn’t handle the feelings of your walls clenching so aggressively around his cock and almost immediately climaxed at the same time, with barely enough of thought to pull out before he ejaculated. He managed to do it, finishing down the side of your inner thigh rather than inside you. 

‘Fuck-!’ His arms were shaking and his eyes pressed tightly together. His panting and exhaustion were overt and you wanted nothing more than for him to collapse next to you, holding one another until you both passed out. When he opened his eyes again, they were so soft. The icy gaze seemed to have melted into pools of sweet oceans, holding infinite depths of tenderness and affection. No words were needed, you understood one another.

Saeran’s tiredness took over him and he collapsed on the bed next to you and you pressed small kisses against his temple, his cheek and eventually his lips. After a few moments, you excused yourself to go to the bathroom and clean yourself up. You couldn’t stop your heart racing, but it was okay, because you knew your hearts were racing in sync. By the time you had gotten ready for bed, Saeran had already gotten dressed and passed out on the side of the bed. You threw a blanket over him and got into the bed with your chest pressed up against his back, wrapping your arms around him in a silent promise to never let him go. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep and you were lulled into unconsciousness by the sound of his breathing and the quiet drum of his heartbeat. It was probably the best sleep you had had since you’d arrived at Magenta. 

When the morning came, you found you were alone in the bed and feared that Saeran had changed his mind about you. Your hands desperately clawed at his side of the bed. He had left a letter tucked into the bedding for you, with your phone next to it and a spam of messages from the RFA. You’d been reconnected! 

Opening the letter, it read:

            ‘Pack well, but lightly. Be ready, I’ll come and get you.

            Trust me.  - Saeran.’

[magicaththedemigod]

an extensive analysis of “the song of achilles” by madeline miller

Or: things I noticed and couldn't keep to myself.

Because I just finished reading it and have many feelings about it, I've decided to compile all of them into a very lengthy Tumblr post.

This will be broken up into three parts:

1. Foreshadowing

2. Dramatic (and regular) Irony

3. Fatal Flaws

1. Foreshadowing

Miller does such a delightful job with foreshadowing. The number of quotes I could be spitting at you right now... but I digress. The main job of foreshadowing, especially in a tragedy like "The Song of Achilles," is to set the characters up for their tragedy.

What I like most about how Miller goes about it in this book is that she doesn't attempt to pull a shocking twist out of nowhere; instead, she takes an approach which allows the reader to fully marinate in their despair.

For example, this quote:

Achilles shook his head, impatiently. "But this was a greater punishment for her. It was not fair of them." "There is no law that gods must be fair, Achilles," Chiron said. "And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone. Do you think?"

Let's take a moment and unpack some of this. For context, this is a conversation between Patroclus, Achilles, and their mentor Chiron. They're discussing the tale of Heracles, who's driven to madness and ends up killing his own wife and kids.

From reading the book, (SPOILER ALERT) you know that Achilles' own pride and honor end up forcing Patroclus to impersonate him in order to save the Greek army, and in doing so is killed by Hector. The fact that Chiron directs this question, "And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone. Do you think?" to Achilles, who is left behind after Patroclus' death is such delightful foreshadowing that I almost threw the book across the room when I first read it.

Achilles slumps into such a depression after Patroclus dies (really, after he kills Patroclus with his own fatal flaw), that he even loses the ability to care about his fame or honor anymore. He feels the greater grief, so to speak.

Even after he dies, Patroclus is left behind, unable to rest properly because they never put his name on the tomb. In that sense, Patroclus is then the one left behind, experiencing loneliness and grief.

The book is full of little hints like this, and that's part of why it's almost torture to read as someone who knows how the Iliad goes. As I said before: the foreshadowing in this book is meant to have the reader in pain from the beginning because you know nothing is going to work out in the end.

2. Dramatic (and regular) Irony

Yes, that's right. I'm about to rip into your soul.

Probably one of the biggest parts of classical Greek myths is dramatic irony (the audience knowing something the characters don't). In plays, the ending is almost always announced before the play begins. In fact, the audience most likely already knows the story from previous tellings or just general knowledge. It makes sense that it would be one of the biggest players in "The Song of Achilles."

As usual, let's start with a quote:

His eyes opened. "Name one hero who was happy." I considered. Heracles went mad and killed his family; Theseus lost his bride and father; Jason's children and new wife were murdered by his old; Bellerophon killed the Chimera but was crippled by the fall from Pegasus' back. "You can't." He was sitting up now, leaning forward. "I can't." "I know. They never let you be famous and happy." He lifted an eyebrow. "I'll tell you a secret." "Tell me." I loved it when he was like this. "I'm going to be the first." He took my palm and held it to his. "Swear it." "Why me?" "Because you're the reason. Swear it." "I swear it," I said, lost in the high color of his cheeks, the flame in his eyes. "I swear it," he echoed. We sat like that a moment, hands touching. He grinned. "I feel like I could eat the world raw."

First of all: cute. Second of all: wow, so much pain.

As you know, Achilles is the opposite of happy at the end of the book (well, maybe after they die, but we'll get to that later). Though he swears it here with Patroclus, the two of them make decisions that ultimately lead to their downfall: Achilles decides to abandon the Greeks after they slighted his honor, Patroclus decides to help them even if it means risking his life, and Achilles lets him do it.

So let's talk about dramatic irony. The irony here is that you know, maybe just from this exchange alone, that Achilles isn't going to be the first happy hero. You know there is a war coming, know that Achilles and his famous heel will get himself killed. You might also know at this point that Patroclus will die first and send Achilles spiraling into grief before that happens.

It's painful, truly. Achilles spends his last days in utter agony, wanting to die but unable to kill himself, and Patroclus can only watch on as a ghost (spirit?). Even when Achilles does die and his ashes are put into their urn (seriously, how did any scholar ever think they weren't lovers?), they still have to wait to be reunited.

But there's still more. Consider these lines:

Hector's eyes are wide, but he will run no longer. He says, "Grant me this. Give my body to my family, when you have killed me." Achilles makes a sound like choking. "There are no bargains between lions and men. I will kill you and eat you raw."

Sound familiar? That's right: "I will kill you and eat you raw" sounds an awful lot like "I feel like I could eat the world raw," doesn't it? Another parallel from Miller: one from a time of happiness, the other from a time of extreme grief. However painful it is, I really live for connections like that.

And I've got one more for you:

Achilles shook his head. "Never. He is brave and strong, but that is all. He would break against Hector like water on a rock. So. It is me, or no one." "You will not do it." I tried not to let it sound like begging. "No." He was quiet a moment. "But I can see it. That's the strange thing. Like in a dream. I can see myself throwing the spear, see him fall. I walk up to the body and stand over it." Dread rose in my chest. I took a breath, forced it away. "And then what?" "That's the strangest of all. I look down at his blood and know my death is coming. But in the dream I do not mind. What I feel, most of all, is relief." "Do you think it can be prophecy?" The questions seemed to make him self-conscious. He shook his head. "No. I think it is nothing at all. A daydream." I forced my voice to match his in lightness. "I'm sure you're right. After all, Hector hasn't done anything to you."

See where I'm going with this? I don't think I need to explain this one.

3. Fatal Flaws

That's right, one of the most essential pieces for a tragedy: hamartia. For those who might not know, hamartia is the fatal flaw that ultimately leads to the downfall of a tragic hero or heroine. In every single piece of classical greek writing, if the story is a tragedy, the main character will have a fatal flaw that makes it so.

Take Achilles:

I looked at the stone of his face, and despaired. “If you love me-”

“No!” His face was stiff with tension. “I cannot! If I yield, Agamemnon can dishonor me whenever he wishes. The kings will not respect me, nor the men!” He was breathless, as though he had run far. “Do you think I wish them all to die? But I cannot. I cannot! I will not let them take this from me!”

You probably already know what his fatal flaw is: pride. He needs the fame, needs the glorious memory of his deeds to live on forever, so badly that he is willing to sacrifice his life and what might’ve been a fulfilling and long life with Patroclus out of the limelight. His fatal flaw is what spurs each of his actions in the later half of the book, including the moment where he decides to leave the Greeks to their deaths for slandering him.

Even Patroclus has a fatal flaw: his love for Achilles.

That night I lay in bed beside Achilles. His face is innocent, sleep-smoothed and sweetly boyish. I love to see it. This is his truest self, earnest and guileless, full of mischief but without malice. He is lost in Agamemnon and Odysseus’ wily double meanings, their lies and games of power. They have confounded him, tied him to a stake and baited him. I stroke the soft skin of his forehead. I would untie him if I could. If he would let me.

Though riding into the center of the fighting, especially dressed as Achilles, will make Patroclus the prime target, he decides to do it anyway. And not out of fear for Achilles’s life; he knows how important his pride and reputation is to him, and out of desperation will do anything to keep Achilles from being devastated when it doesn’t work out for him.

(Honestly, this is the part where I start to hate Achilles for doing this to Patroclus... it’s like he doesn’t even consider Patroclus his equal and does everything without consulting him.)

Of course, Agamemnon has a fatal flaw as well. He is like the mirror image of Achilles, so proud and stubborn, righteous and arrogant. However, he is the darker image, the one that revels in taking things by force and, of course, raping women like Briseis. He serves as a poignant foil for Achilles, highlighting all the ways the traits they share can easily become corrupted. It’s part of why this novel works so well.

I hope you all enjoyed this book as much as I did. Truthfully, I did have a few problems with it, but I wanted to trying picking it apart anyway. And if you haven’t read the song of achilles... what are you doing reading these spoilers?? 

[qqueenofhades]

so…now that we all know what you DISLIKE about star wars (and 400% fairly so, you have my full support here)…

what drew you into the universe, what keeps you around?

favorite characters, ships (OTPs or actual spaceships lol), overall themes, do you have a favorite random weird creature or robot that you adore? whatever you wanna talk about!

go off honey (again, but supportively 💖💖💖)

tax paid: the very nerdy star wars punk vest i made and the even nerdier matching vest i made for starsky

Lmaooo, entirely valid. You were like "star wars?" and I was like the drunk person at the bar who can't stop shouting about how much their ex sucks. But now that I have gotten all that off my chest, let's talk about why I love it (since if I didn't love it, I wouldn't have such strong opinions). Basically my feelings on the OG SW trilogy are similar to my feelings on the OG LOTR trilogy, as that tumblr post floating around somewhere put it: sure, they have flaws, but also, they're perfect. I have a complicated relationship with the prequels, as do we all, since George Lucas cannot write dialogue or direct actors to save his life (stick to what you're good at, George, hire other people to do the rest), but even they have their moments. Like. Hit me with that "Across the Stars" love theme, John Williams. Gahh. Just like that.

Because... Star Wars wasn't actually this omnipresent corporate global entertainment monolith when it started out. It was a dorky low-budget indie sci-fi film in the 1970s which everyone thought was going to bomb. But it told a simple and compelling story in an interesting way, everyone agrees that ESB is one of the best films/sequels ever made, and then ROTJ gave it a happy ending while it was still okay to do that. My main thematic gripe with the Disney trilogy (I will try to keep those to a minimum, lol, but I have to bring it up to compare) is that it very clearly fell into the "actual happy endings are naive and unrealistic and a cynical postmodern audience won't accept anything less than things being Bad" trap that, yet again, we have GOT to thank for. It obviously existed to some degree before that, but GOT blew it up to huge levels, where the only valid situation or character is that which is Grimdark and Depressing. Which, in my view, misses the heart and soul of what SW is all about??

Like. ESB is genuinely dark. ANH was this fun plucky little sci-fi film where the scrappy good guys won the day against the Nazi stand-ins, as they were supposed to, and then ESB comes along (speaking of John Williams, let us all chant together, DUH DUH DUH DUHDUHDUH DUHDUHDUH, DUH DUH DUH DUHHHH DUHHH DUHHH DUHHHH) and things go... wrong. Leia and Han are on the run for most of the movie, then get captured and tortured by the Empire and and betrayed (however unwillingly) by Lando. The Rebellion is attacked on Hoth (I tell you, those fuckin AT-AT walkers were SCARY when you see it as a young kid for the first time), and forced into hiding. Luke loses his hand, doubts Obi-Wan and Yoda and realizes that his mentors are fallible, makes dumb mistakes, and of course gets hit with The Most Famous Line In Movie History. But it's also just adrenaline and excitement. THE ASTEROID FIELD! THE HAN-LEIA BANTER! THE FIRST LUKE-VADER DUEL! THE FACT THAT YOU HEAR TWO FRICKING NOTES OF THE IMPERIAL MARCH AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAHHHH!

But also then... Return of the Jedi. It gets shat upon for the Ewoks and reusing the Death Star as the Big Bad and being supposedly cheesy and not as Thematically Dark as ESB. Which is all kinda silly, in my opinion, but also, can we talk about Luke Skywalker's character arc and how he chooses possibly the most radical compassion ever demonstrated by a hero in an action movie, let alone a space opera. He insists that Anakin Skywalker is still in there somewhere and puts his own neck on the line to prove it. Luke doesn't save the galaxy by being a Badass Jedi. He saves it by throwing away his lightsaber and saying "I will not fight you, Father." He saves it by trusting that even in the depths of darkness, Anakin can come back from the charred ruins of Darth Vader and finally do what he was supposed to do all along. He can end Palpatine for good and all (we don't talk about "Somehow Palpatine has returned" because it's nonsense, obviously). Anakin can avenge the Jedi and what was done to him and all the lies he believed and the pain he wreaked on the galaxy, even then. It's not too late. It's not too late. Like. I don't care if this is Lightweight or Childish or whatever. It makes me CRY every time I watch it. Especially the moment where Luke takes off Anakin’s helmet and sees how ruined he actually is under there, and yet the downfall and death of the trilogy’s chief villain is not triumphant at all but instead utterly heartbreaking. “You were right about me Luke... tell your sister... you were right.”

Excuse me, I need to just /CRIES INTENSELY/

Luke won't be tempted to the dark side for his own sake, but Leia's ("If you will not join me, then perhaps she will"). I likewise hold firmly that Anakin/Vader is one of the best movie villains/antiheroes of all time and likewise have many feelings and Strong Opinions about his arc, prequel writing clumsiness and eye-rollingly tepid love story aside. (See: he and Obi-Wan were deeply in love and in a way they still are, don't @ me. I have no problems with Padme and obviously stan Natalie Portman at all times, but Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship is the real love story, the heart of the prequels, and in some ways even the subsequent movies, the end.) And “so this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause” is... raw af as a line. For being in a Star Wars prequel movie. What?? (Also, the Revenge of the Sith novelization had no business being as good as it was. If only that dude had also written the movie.)

Anyway, my point is: the OG trilogy had plenty of moments of staggering emotional weight and where things genuinely sucked for the good guys and the outcome wasn’t entirely clear. The difference is that it didn’t choose to dwell on them, and it allowed for a transformative fictional space where a happy ending, fiercely fought for and squarely earned, was the right outcome. We didn’t need to go back thirty years later and make everything suck for fear that a cynical modern audience couldn’t connect with it otherwise. (Like I said, we didn’t need the new movies at all, but Disney heard that Cha-Ching of the Almighty Dollar). Star Wars was sci-fi, sure, but it also had the fantasy elements that allowed a happy ending to be the right choice for what we saw the characters go through and the philosophy that carried us through the original trilogy.

Likewise it’s just... Peak as far as dynamics go. C-3PO the fussy metal butler who worries about Everything and R2-D2 who is the droid embodiment of YOLO? Flawless. Sassy scruffy space pirate and badass politician warrior princess bicker constantly, butt heads, drive each other crazy, and then fall in love? Iconic. (And has shaped my ship tastes for... all of eternity, oops.) The above-discussed transformation of Luke Skywalker, whiny ordinary teenage kid, to the truly great man who fulfills what Obi-Wan, Yoda, AND the rest of the entire Jedi order couldn’t manage to do, because of their own flaws and blind spots and black-and-white moral views that didn’t know what to do with a man who loved as passionately as Anakin Skywalker, for better or for worse? The guy who managed to save the galaxy with love? STAN.

So... what? The Disney trilogy decides to retcon all that, throw everything that they’ve fought for out the window, make Han, Leia, and Luke miserable and rejecting the roles they grew into in the original trilogy, and die without ever really reuniting or seeing each other again as a trio? The underlying message was that “these happy endings aren’t satisfactory/realistic/sophisticated enough” and idk, maybe it’s just the shitshow of the last few years, but I’d like to see some entertainment that had the cojones to tell me that despite all the darkness and despair, maybe there’s a chance for hope. (”Rebellions are built on hope,” thank you Only Valid New Star Wars Movie Rogue One.) And Rogue One worked so well, despite being utterly GUTTING as all the heroes died one by one, because we knew what was coming next (A New Hope) and that their sacrifice was going to be worth it. I don’t care if that’s “realistic” or not. As I’ve said before, that’s what stories are for, and if I only wanted things that were Real Life, I would only read the news. Besides, the idea that happy endings never happen in reality is equally bullshit. We as a culture need to accept that more, instead of finding reasons to tear everything down.

So just... yes. The original trilogy might have flaws, but also, it’s perfect. And do I want to rewatch it all now? Kinda.

(Anyway. I warned you this was gonna be long. Oh look, it’s long, and I’m sure there is even more I could say, but still. Ahem.)

sleepover weekend asks