#but today i did and. god yeah. i just. i have to just put up with it
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hai7ani · 2 days ago
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Haitani Rindou is known to not be a very serious person.
There is nothing serious about him at all. He liaises with a bored look on his face, doesn't really attend executive meetings unless Mikey is there, and spends the rest of his days at his own club drowning in the girls, the music or the alcohol, and maybe letting off some steam by snatching away Sanzu's job.
But he is serious today. Angry, even.
The air is tense and it reeks of expensive European cologne when he steps one foot into the room. Briefcases filled with illegal substances welcomes his sight on the coffee table and tall stacks of cold, hard cash residing on his desk.
A man sits with one dirty shoe on his favourite British-imported sofa smoking a cigar, and Kokonoi Hajime on the opposite couch calm and collected.
There is also a girl crawling on all fours with a hot pink leash on her neck, tighter than a dog's collar.
Her skin glimmers under the dim lighting 一 with hints of blood that he could still recognise across her arms, but mostly with sweat. Her lips are pale, wobbly, and tears are pouring out of her sockets. Hurt and fear evident in her eyes.
She is you.
The dress that he got you 一 handpicked for you delicately 一 all ripped and torn and it barely clings onto your body anymore like it did all the time. You look like you're about to pass out anytime soon.
Haitani Rindou is filled with rage.
"Ah, Haitani! Just the man that I was looking for. Come, have a seat." The man invites with a huge menacing grin on his face, as he puts out the cigar on his expensive sofa.
It's my fucking office, you motherfucker.
Mario Ricci 一 he thinks it was, pauses counting the stacks of cash in his hands when Rindou does not move as he says. "Hmm?" He follows along his gaze which turns out to be stuck at you on the floor. His Italian accent is thick and heavy when he speaks, almost sounding like an ancient bard.
"I was passing through your halls and I saw this wonderful beauty standing right there, and I thought," he pauses, bending down slow to look at you.
"She'd be a perfect little mutt."
He tugs on the leash looped around his left hand, hard. His cologne fills up your nostrils from the distance and it is the only thing you can breathe in. More tears pool around your eyes as you cough 一 your throat is sore and the skin around it hurts. The buckle pushes hard against the side of your neck and he tugs another time.
"You wouldn't mind if I took this one home with me, yeah? You have plenty of sluts in your establishment already." There is a teasing glint in his eyes when he finally lets go, only to reach down and drag on your disheveled locks of hair.
He guides you like that 一 impatient and harsh 一 while you struggle with movement because you cannot look down at your hands, as you carefully crawl against the carpeted floor with your scalp red and painful.
You start sobbing again when he pulls away, and you lock eyes with the man that owns you, standing by the door.
There is fire in his eyes when he finally sees the picture that Mario painted for him. You're kneeling between his legs with two palms flat on the floor, catching your breath with uncontrollable drool dripping off your tongue.
Like a damn dog.
"God, she'd make a damn good slut. But I'm sure you already are during your time here, yeah, baby?" He taps on your cheek and swipes the drool away.
Your gaze is cloudy when you stare into Rindou's eyes. You're broken and battered. Your eyes no longer bright and shiny as when they used to admire him in the night, in his bed, when you'd draw your fingers along the lines and curves of his tattoos 一 they're filled with fear and you are so tired. You're shaking all around and you're so cold. You're a lot colder than what he's used to letting you feel. His fists tighten any more, deep in his pockets.
But he can still read you like an open book.
"This is a five million dollar deal." Kokonoi cuts in. "Can we be fucking serious? Just take the slut for free, Ricci. She's yours. We have more important things to talk about."
A quiet mewl escapes your throat when Mario grins, very satisfied with Kokonoi's words. You start to cry, begging, when he wraps a hand around your chin and bends down to give your cheek a wet kiss, disgustingly. You don't look away from Rindou the whole time.
Please don't give me away.
The sound of a gun clicking catches everyone's attention. You look him dead in the eye and he can hear you loud and clear.
Haitani Rindou isn't serious about a lot of things.
"Fucking let her go."
But he is serious about you.
"Or I'll put a bullet through your throat and it'll be no deal for all of us."
His own slut.
His favourite girl.
Sequel
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tarnishedxknight · 6 hours ago
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Noah, having more or less sent Drace away with the promise that they would be attending lunch shortly, was puttering in his kitchen nook, getting some water and trying to wake himself up as he usually did. A smile tugged at his lips when he heard Larsa's half-awake comment. "Your mentors... expect you to lunch within the hour," Noah said with a firm tone but still one that was laced with humor if the person listening knew him well enough. "Drace is already on her way there. We should dress soon and make our way to the commons."
As Larsa apologized for getting disoriented, Noah turned more serious, and perhaps a bit pensive. "It is alright, young lord. It has happened to me on many an occasion as well. It will take our minds time to adjust, I'm sure." He drank the water, feeling the Mist affecting his head particularly vigorously this day. He already had the beginnings of a headache behind his eyes and at his temples, and he knew from the mere feel of it that the glow in his amber eyes would be noticeable today. Sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn't. Today, it was.
Once they were dressed, cleaned up a bit, and situated, they left Noah's quarters and made their way to the common kitchen. Drace gave a smile when she saw Noah and Larsa enter the room. "Good morning, my lord."
"We already said good morning to each other a while ago, but if you want to reinforce it- Oh, you meant the kid," Tony said by way of a joke.
Drace looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes, completely unimpressed. "You are no lord," she said flatly.
Basch and Ashe watched this conversation from afar, thus far only sipping at teacups and not having actually ventured to make themselves lunch yet. "It is mid-afternoon, not morning," Ashelia mumbled into her teacup. Basch smiled softly but said nothing. For his princess, "morning" was just before sunrise, he knew, not after the clock struck twelve. He loved how possessive of the sun and its morning light she was sometimes, as if she properly gave it the appreciation and respect it deserved and everyone else was, well, slacking off.
When Larsa addressed him as "Lord," Tony turned and threw Drace an I told you so expression. "See? He gets it," he said, before giving Larsa his attention.
Drace released a partial groan and turned back to her salad.
"You are? What ails you, little man?" Tony asked.
"Perhaps that it best discussed in private," Noah said firmly, glancing at Basch and Ashelia.
"Okay. Yeah. Sure. After lunch, I can take you down to the med bay. Great people there, you'll like them," Tony said.
Natasha came in to microwave a burrito, cordially greeting everyone present.
"Are you poaching on my burritos again?" Tony asked.
"You buy them by the crate. I think there's enough for everyone," Nat replied with a smirk as she very defiantly pressed "start" on the microwave.
"That is not the point," Tony said.
"You know the rules. You didn't write you name on 'em," Nat said unapologetically.
"Wow. You see what I put up with?" he said generally to no one in particular. But then, because he was feeling friendly, he turned to Larsa again, as Noah ushered the boy over to the cabinets and refrigerator to choose something to eat. "So, how's it feel to be reunited with your dad?"
Ashelia fumbled her teacup, spilling some of the tea onto the table. Drace choked on her salad, lifting a napkin to her lips as her eyes went wide. Basch's brow furrowed and he looked to Noah, his own eyes beginning to widen. Noah... looked at Tony murderously.
"Tony, what the hell?" Nat said, incredulous that he would just blurt something like that out.
"What?" Tony asked, truly not understanding. "It's not like they don't already know." He looked at Larsa, the boy's stunned expression saying otherwise. "Right?" He looked at Noah, seeing the rage building in the man's glowing gaze. "Right?"
"Oh, my god..." Nat mumbled disappointedly under her breath as she shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Aw, shit," Tony then said, realizing he had just made the announcement of the century, apparently. Or... of the past five millennia, rather.
"Larsa is your son?!" Ashelia blurted out. She looked at Basch, utterly blown away by this news. "That would make him your nephew!"
Basch's heart was pounding, but as much as he, too, wanted an explanation and was terribly curious in addition to shocked, he knew now was not the time. "Princess..." he whispered, trying to get her to be quiet, for now at least.
"You are... not helping, right now," Tony said, pointing at Ashelia.
"Keep your mouth shut from now on, Stark," Noah said, seething. His own heart was ready to leap from his chest. The Mist was loving this, building inside him and rendering him lightheaded.
"What he meant was... Is it not good to be back with those with whom you are familiar?" Drace tried, but unfortunately, the damage had already been done.
Larsa did not expect to be unfrozen at all, let alone in the future. When he had snuck upon Gabranth's ship set for Pharos he did it to ensure the peace would be possible. The last thing he remembered was running towards fallen Gabranth and then... Light. (Marvel AU) - tarnishedxjudgement
@tarnishedxjudgement
Noah didn't have the same abilities and resources in this time period with which to inform himself of anything and everything that was going on around him. He was in the dark, most of the time, unless directly informed of things, a condition he hated. Being at the mercy of others he neither knew nor trusted for information was not a position he usually found himself in.
It was the reason he hadn't known about Drace being found after him until she was brought one day to the training compound. Inexplicably, after executing her in his own timeline, here she was again, seemingly from another. The entire experience was wholly jarring, but not nearly as jarring as losing his only son.
So often had Noah thought of Larsa in the months following his revival in this strange time. Thoughts invaded his peace, his sleep, his ability to function, until he found himself so erratic and unhinged that he did not recognize himself anymore. Even Drace found it difficult to comfort him, and she had always been a master of that feat. There was no closure to be had, no second chances, no going back... and that knowledge was eating Noah alive from the inside out.
But once again, information had been kept from him, and yet another arrival from Ivalice to the Avengers compound was neither expected nor necessarily wanted. Would it be another Dalmascan? Gods forbid a Rozarrian. And the way the people of this time seemed to think that all Ivalicians got along and would be happy to see each other was beyond irritating to him. Nevertheless, when he was specifically summoned to greet this newcomer, Noah begrudgingly left his quarters to do so.
What he saw... stopped him dead in his tracks. Within seconds, his expression betrayed him, and within a few more, he was on his knees, his legs giving way in disbelief of the sight that lay before him. It was little Lord Larsa, looking just as he did when last Noah laid eyes on him, perfect as can be.
He knew he should say something, but words betrayed him as well as his own legs had. Instead, he merely stared, the absence of his helm serving to display to the boy all the shock, confusion, and relief at seeing him standing there. Finally, he forced out the only two words he felt he could say without falling apart.
"My lord..."
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serialkilluh1996 · 1 day ago
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𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄™
Simon "Ghost" Riley x Bimboish-female-reader
Warnings; none. Just pure foolery.
Simon loved you. He wouldn't admit it, of course, but you were his favorite subordinate. You were kind and generous, like some princess who belonged in a castle, only to have wound up working as his assistant. He wondered how you even got hired at such a tough place. Maybe you'd sprinkled fairy dust on your application.
You made him weak, merely a facade of the stone cold man he used to be. It's like you had dug a hole in his heart, making a soft spot for yourself to burrow in. You made coming to work more bearable for Simon.
He was eager more willing to get up in the morning cause he knew he'd see you not once, not twice, but a plethora of times throughout the day. He'd see your defined smile and your lively eyes and your bubbly enthusiasm. Simon was convinced it was all just a facade you put on at work. There was no way someone could be this....happy all the time.
You walk into his office, a grin on your face so firm that it pulled the skin from your throat. "You called, Mr. Riley?" "It's lieutenant, sweetheart. But, yeah, I did." He didn't seem as chipper to see you today. He never expressed true happiness anyway. He was just more neutral when you were around. Not today, though. His brows were tense, his eyes were squinted, a tight and precise stare glaring you down like a sniper. "Have a seat." He demands, waving his hand in a come hither motion.
You comply, skipping over to the chair before plopping down and spinning in it. "Don't spend in the chair, please. I'm already on HR's ass about replacing these before they give out."
"Right, of course." You kick out your foot, stopping yourself on the desk, eyes landing directly on his. He looked pretty upset about something.
"I got a complaint about you being out with my men last night. Wanna explain what's going on?" He leans forward accusingly, elbows against the desk and hands under his chin. "Well, we were just out for drinks an–" "Oh, you were out for drinksss?" He says sarcastically, slightly more irritated. "And let me guess, you went home with them too?"
"Of course I did." "Oh, christ." He facepalms, leaning back in his chair, making it creak under his weight.
"Let me explain somethin'. You are MY assistant, you got that? That means your work here is exclusive to me and what I ask you to do. You don't take orders from anyone else here. Not even the captain. Therefore, you have no need or reason to be fraternizing with my men." He lectures you, now visibly angry.
You could tell that going home with them was what pushed him other the edge. "I couldn't let them go alone. They were too drunk to drive." You defended. "Sweetheart, these are grown men. They know their limit and they purposely exceeded it. It's not your responsibility to baby them. They can face the consequences of their actions. They are dangerous individuals that you should distance yourself from. You don't know my men."
"Of course I know them, we see eachother everyday." Simon sighs at your statement. "I'd like to believe that too. but at the end of the day, men always have ulterior motives."
"Ulterior motives?" You tilt your head in confusion. He huffs, muttering under his breath. "Alright, let's say Price, for example. You're this cute girl, smaller than most of the people here. And price is this huge caption, some hairy old weirdo pushing 40. And he invites you over his house. What do you think he wants from you?" His brow arches. "Well, I don't really know John enough to know what he wants."
".....god, why...." it took everything in his will power to hold back his emotions. How could you be so dense? He breathes, steadying himself for the next question.
"Well, would you go or not?" "Yes!" "Yes!?" His voice is strained with shock and distress. "Well, how else am I gonna find out what he wants?" You fold your arms, becoming upset yourself. "Did it not even cross your mind to just ask?!"
"Well, what if he lies?" "What if he lies...." Simon repeats, chuckling under the aggravation, holding back how much you were angering him. How could you be this...slow? "And that's your concern.....tell me, sweetheart...how old are you?" "21." You respond, a small pout in your tone.
"Twenty..one... just...take the week off. I want you to come by my office later on tonight..." "for what?" You ask. "Does it matter if I tell you? What if I lie?" He laughs with exhaustion, and you follow suite. You two were gonna have a looong talk.
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rosylix · 4 months ago
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#im so upset ok literally no one cares but#my bedroom at home was getting kinda redone this summer#we repainted and added shelves above my desk and styff#so i displayed my album collections on the shelves it was so slay ok it was fire#and#today as i was adjusting things#the shelf with my skz collection just fucking rips out of the wall bro#like BROO?? there are holes in my wall now but idec bro MY ALBUMS???? l#it was so high up too im. they fell from a catastrophic height.#literally every single one of my skz albums falling to the floor which is like at least 50 or smth idek#no that sounds too high but you know. A LOT#i have from mixtape to rockstar not every singlr one but yeah#MY LIMITED ALBUMS?? THESR ARE EXPENSIVE HOLY#im taking a deep breath rn#actually looking from through my tears they didnt look Too beat up (except noeasy fuck that packaging) and except my stay in playground pho#photobook case CRACKEDDDD og my god. its judt the outer plastic case but i. am. so. sad#that is like $50 bro#anyway god#now we have to somehow fix it. we used these shelves before in my sisters room and they've held up great but she pretty much puts stuffed an#animals and thats it lol#did not account for my shitload of albums creating a ton of weight but well.#theyre supposed to hold 170 lbs are my albums rly more than that holy shit#ANYWAY#this litrtally happenrd 15 minutes ago thats why im venting rambling idk#now i have to sleep in my moms room AGAINN until these are fixed#like i love her but i like sleeping alone god pls#(i also primarily write at night and. well its not the easiest to write smut and stuff when ur mother is right next to u.)#GOD UGH. idk its fine but im#silver lining is it wasnt my loona collection bc not only are those rare ash i swear they dent from a strong gust of wind bro#I REACHED TAG LIMIT LMAO I DIDNT KNOW THAT WAS A THING BYE
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triglycercule · 2 months ago
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thinking about mtt literally physically dragging eachother down and being restrained to eachother because theyre genuinely that fucking ass for eachother but then it means i'd have to decide which of them to humiliate by putting a collar on them. and i can't choose. if they dont all equally suffer than whats the point man 🙁🙁🙁
#i think they'd all have interesting reactions to it 2#like a permanent collar that cant be taken off. to make even more gruesome what if it were like built into the BONE????#or it could just be something less extreme like bone carvings. killer would absolutely do that shit#anyways i think horror would be the most reactive to it. anger is the most intriguing emotion#and also dog horror real. anyways he'd hate to be demeaned and disrespected like that. he has an ego and honor man and this is cutting it#dust drags him around constantly. killer pets him and disregards his boundaries. like a fucking DOG#because horror hates kist enough that he'd never let them get vulnerable enough. not that it stops killer LMAO#dust thinks some of horrors hatred towards them is a projection of his own self hatred (and hed lowkey be right)#loser. dust i think would be unique because to me he'd be a bit fine with it#i mean i think itd be hidden under paps scarf so it wouldn't be a constant reminder of horror n killer#but he lets the two hold the leash at least a bit. give him an eensy bit of touch and let a few insults slide#but the second he decides that even the smallest thing is enough he gets ticked off and then yk. someone has to put bunny back in his place#because dust is chill enough to let normal things in his eyes pass. he's not very reactionary or the type to immediately bite back#(since dust would just avoid horror and killer if he did meet them. means he has some sort of tolerance for them. keeping his peace fr)#but the moment hes reminded that god these two do suck and i shouldn't be letting this happen all of the held back anger comes out#killer would seek out the force and stuff. horror would treat him like shit because it makes himself feel good and killer look like an idio#dust doesn't even glance at him though and it pisses killer off. both of their actions do actually#like WTF DUST you guys literally put this on me. treat me like the piece of shit i know you think i am#but also STOP HORROR!!!! dont pull me around and demean me im not a pet i dont want to be treated that way even tho i say it do#yeah hes caught in a standstill. AND SO AM I do you see my issue. cannot pick one specific#all the trio would have such interesting reactions i cant just choose one to solely suffer......... anyways mttpoly am i right#should i tag this. like majority of the interesting stuff is in tags. but also i didnt post today i have a duty#dust sans#killer sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule rant#this just ended up being me thinking about mtt with collars. maaan what about handcuffs and chains and other restrictive things#having them have restraining relationship isnt enough i need them to PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN EACHOTHER
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tricks-n-illusions · 10 months ago
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(@ask-the-shiny-pokemons) Noelle approaches Silas as she remembers that he might give something in return, however...something terrifying happened recently. "SILAS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOING???" she says with an anger and starts to cry.
"Don't get me wrong. Killin' folks is a really bad idea… Please, just think of a moment when we met each other. You saw me as a friend… But now… I saw you murdered someone. It’s…it’s…JUST UNFAIR!"
At this moment, she is upset at him.
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For once the fox's ears seemed to perk up at the sound of something familiar, Someone he knew? He seemed almost hopeful for a moment, but his ears quickly flattened at the Houndoom's upset words. Of course, there it was, the hate he so expected would come from her eventually. If there was one thing he could do right, it was disappoint people. Though his expression was unreadable his behaviour instantly became guarded and tense, his fear of further conflict was obvious. The previous interaction seemed to have done a number on his confidence and persona. He didn't look too keen on talking to Noelle... yet he forced the words out nonetheless, they were broken, quiet and almost inaudible.
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He sat in silence for a long moment before he spoke up once more. "…You want it back, don't you? Is that why you're here again? You finally realized the mistake you've made?" He asked, his voice much louder than it previously was. Of course, how could he have been so dumb to not realize? Though he seemed crushed at the idea of giving the gift back, he spoke with confidence in her decision. "I understand."
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"I'm one of those people." Silas turned away, leaving the previous gift with Noelle. "You can leave now, you have your gift back... And- We're not friends." He sighed as he waved a hand attempting to shoo her. "We never were, even if I did know who you were..." "You never know I might murder you too, I seem to like doing that to people who are close to me. I'm pretty fuckin' impulsive and honestly... you're just another thing to kill."
-> Silas doesn't seem to remember Noelle… Yet. But he can't fight the feeling of familiarity haunting him. Maybe something from the past will help? A name? Something that happened?
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graciousdragon · 4 months ago
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y'all i'm so cooked i just got an idea for a NATEMARE FNAF AU in 2024 bro does anyone even fucking remember who that is????? middle school me is quaking rn
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moony4pads · 7 months ago
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*voice of a girl that zonned out 2 hours ago and does not now what is going on*: I Sleept 0 hours last night and is totally functioning
#i have been cursed by the insomina gods#yesterday i rejoyenced realising i regularly was gotton 7-8 hours of sleep in the nights of the holiday period#and overall my insomina has been looking up recently#like im talking up to 6 hours on a school night sometimes! (yes sometimes sschool starts at 11 but i still hav to lissen so is still school)#so the gods cursed me for being a celebratory duck and made me get 0 hours of sleep#no ajustment period to return to my insomiac fays to get used to the feeling of heavy eyelids like brics i cant hold open#this was w no changed to my routine btwwww en no extra stress specifically on that day i had not before had#so yeah fate was basicly like now that you have engnolged that ur improving i have to put you back to squere 1#like a smakes and ladders board game but with numbers on the blokths#*SQUARES that js the word#how is it that this time last year i was regularly dealing w this shit and going through a functioning day like this#cant be me now#i have been spoiled by the sleep god and now i no longer now how to work on 0 hours of sleep an unmedicated brain and a crushing headache#(and it used to be that the days were i did get sleep i only got ever like 3-5 hours never any of this 7 hour shit i had saved up yet i#surviveded) i am no longer surviving succesfuly#my brain is too priocrepied trying to kwep my eyes open it cant think properly#there was a market today but i dint have the energy to go wich is a shame#also i am litterlay buried in dealdimes that i couldnt motivate myself to work on before i insominaed again so idk what ill do now#cry mabey but i am not feeling tears it is the buring jeeping my eyes open and they are not tears they are the regret of 3am me#insominac#insomnia#adhd#sleep#fail at life if lige is sleep and it is sleep in actuality#NO SLEEP BITCH LIKE COULD YOU NOT GAVE AT LEADT GIVEN ME 1 OR 2 HOURS JUST FOR FUNSIESES
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enigma-absolute · 9 months ago
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#rough day today with an emotional mess at the end#rough as in it wasn’t BAD just… I had low energy the entire time and lost the day really#I don’t know how my mom does it. she has it worse than me and she expects me to be more bounding and alive and USING my energy#buddy. pal. I got rude and angry because I was LOW and I DO NOT HAVE YOUR PAIN TOLERANCE THRESHOLD#on MULTIPLE levels. physical and emotional#you went to dental school in Otago in the 90’s. I did animation school 2019-2023.#you escaped communism and were a stranger in a strange land and married my father who became a bat from hell and you had to escape him#AND keep the kids in good schools and in God.#I didn’t. I was the child who had it worst on the spectrum and had the PTSD to crawl out of during high school.#of course THAT put a dampener on me growing up in several ways (and uh. being on this hellsite in 2014 didn’t help either)#mom I love you and you love me. we are clearly NOT the same ever#I’m a little over the age dad married you at first now. I do not have the same threshold nor tolerance as you. I AM more sensitive yeah#and I’m trying to work through it but damn it it is hard trying to stay soft in a world getting crueller.#and yet! I have my father’s face and eyes in anger! I wish I could be more kind and loving on low energy and I’m sorry!#I am genuinely an ass when I’m tired and ticked off and want none of your help and I wish I wasn’t! alas!#I do not! have! your threshold nor tolerance!#when I finally get myself together and have a full place to call my own. with bills and all to pay.#I will finally allow myself the relief of lying down onto the kitchen floor and sobbing.#in the knowledge and safety of solitude.#Chris rambles#AUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#vent
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heartshattering · 7 months ago
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Feeling like I want to give up again...
#now it's my dad who's deciding to be a jerk towards me because he's mad at my mom#okay that's cool I guess#I haven't been feeling well at all today#I can't even distract myself#my dad's being so dramatic too like it's not my fault he's on a break from work but still doing stuff he could probably get out of doing#but he wants to be away from me and my mom so. I get it#he's never at home even when he's supposedly on a break from his job lol#this is how my mom and I know he's lying about retiring#because he's always putting it off#he was supposed to retire this year but nope#if he doesn't have his job he has no excuse to get out of the house and he hates being around us#Goddddd#he is such a fucking hypocrite#getting mad at me over something he has also done before and then saying it was fine when HE did it because it was 'months ago already'#(dropping something except in his case he actually SHATTERED it lmao)#but yeah... me dropping something without breaking it is WORSE than him dropping and actually breaking it...#wow#amazing logic#then my dad keeps complaining about how we don't care. when he's the one who proves over and over again that he's the one who doesn't care#I forget what they're called but he's the parent type who doesn't get involved in anything#he's never stood up for me and he's watching me rot and hurt myself and he's just like 'oh okay as long as it doesn't involve me idc'#he's not fucking stupid like he can tell there's shit clinically wrong with me but not once has he acted like an actual parent towards me#and yeah I'm an adult now but it's still fucked me up so badly#he is such a fucking coward#and selfish#if he could drop me and my mom somehow I know he would at the drop of the hat#but remember he's a coward so. I know he fucking won't#God this is making my urges get bad again#I'm crying 'cause I'm just so fucking pathetic :')
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musical-chick-13 · 8 months ago
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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southislandwren · 10 months ago
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ohohoho boy update. today at work it was just us doing cheese while everyone else pulled an ice cream order, and i was like hey if youre not busy saturday would you want to roadtrip with me? and i fully expected him to say no, but we are roadtripping to nebraska on saturday <3 <3 anyway what playlist do i put on in the car. do we trust him enough for get loose get looser
#music wise. i think maybe take a walk in the sun or normal music. not sure about glgl yet#i will probably put him on aux for at least half of the trip#(and when i say trip i mean like. 6-7 hours round trip. like we're not going very far for very long)#we're leaving at like 2:45-3pm and i get sleepy around 10 so not like a super good road trip for me#i told him that the way i plan trips was usually a long drive based purely off vibes but i would try to have an actual plan this time#and i asked him what time he would want to be home for work the next day since he works at 6am#and god he was so cute he was like 'i'll call off work on sunday so you can do one of your usual trips'#and yeah. sighh i am down so bad#and i HAVE to promise to be normal on this trip. i always get weird in cars late at night.#but theres Implications of him being in my car like 100 miles from home. so i cant do or say anything weird#like could you imagine being in a car with someone you dont like and they start being weird. like what the fuck do you even do.#but anyway yeah good day. he was very talkative today. and he is so cute sometimes i cant stand it#work is really fun when theres 6 of us and i can stand there while the underclassmen do all the work#boy post#oh and he said he was going to message that he was streaming skyrim but it ended up being boring#so that revealed some info. 1) twitch streamer 2) did think about texting me at least once last week 3) trusts me to know about his twitch#ugh. i would love to just hurry all this up but i have to be patient i have toooo#okay! off to take a disease quiz and then study some ice cream#talk to you later tumblrinas
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hella1975 · 2 years ago
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bagged a trial shift at a new pub just for my manager to immediately put on facebook if anyone wants an extra shift on wednesday. he knows what im doing
#he said GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RN#lmfaoooo the notif came through literally as i put the phone down i was like 😳😳😳#like that 'CONNOR' tiktok audio like no king im not doing anythinggg haha wdym#anyway im a bit annoyed that the first place to get back to me from my applications was this one#bc im pretty sure their pay is still minimum wage and also my cousin worked a trial shift there once#and not only did they not pay him but they also never called him back or even emailed to politely turn him down#literally just used him for free labour and that was that#word of warning from a very tired waitress if ur thinking about starting: always take trial shifts with a pinch of salt#if the trial shift is longer than 2 hours they really really should be paying you and if they dont the odds are you got mugged off#also the woman on the phone after i said i worked at the place i currently work at was like 'and do you still work there?' SHE KNOWS#and when i said yes she was like 'would you be willing to leave?' HOW CAN I BE TWO-TIMING BOTH OF YOU RN#LYING TO ONE JOB ABOUT SEEKING ANOTHER JOB LYING TO THE NEW JOB ABOUT LEAVING THE OLD ONE COME ON NOW#IM NOT BUILT FOR THESE LAYERS#but yeah summary here is i have a shift at my actual place on wednesday (thank god i havent had work in over a fucking WEEK)#and i have a trial shift at a new place where i'll most likely be offered a job. life is picking up#ALSO i have enough money to change my america flights bc basically something came up with that and i need to change my return flight#and i was originally rlly worried bc the change cost was £161 and that piled onto my current no-shifts stress was Not Fun#but ive been working a lot for my mum and i got paid for the shifts i HAVE done and it all kinda fell together anyway#the way everything is sorting itself today within the same HOUR yet ive been stressing about these things for days now#hella goes home#hella slaves to capitalism
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jorvikzelda · 1 year ago
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I finished the stripe B)
#well. like.#I actually did like half an hour ago and now I’ve spent the past half hour winding the next yarn colour into a ball#you see the blanket has a previous incarnation which was shit and bad#and I decided not to put myself through the hell of unwinding it All At Once so now instead im doing it colour by colour#so before i move on from one stripe to the next I have to first wind the next stripe into a ball#and the old blanket is so badly made that it takes a really long time because the yarn is like. all tangled up in itself#ALSO I FUCKED UP MY FINGER SO BAD MAN#I won’t go into detail because thinking about it has my anxiety acting up and I know I’m not the only person with Issues on here#*into detail about The Causing Of The Injury. i am in fact going into detail about the following idiocy and annoyingness that it entails#but cw/tw for like. I’m talking about a minor injury in the form of a small cut/scratch#but basically i fucked around and found out a bit too hard earlier today and now i have like a. shallow cut. scratch. whatever running along#my left middle finger. (also because this is tumblr I will add please note it was not on purpose I was genuinely just being stupid as hell.)#it is relevant that it is specifically my left middle finger. why you may ask? well. i am right handed. so i hold my crochet hook in my#right hand. and as a consequence my yarn in my left. and my yarn runs between. you guessed it. my middle and index fingers. meaning it runs#right above my middle finger knuckle. which. you guessed it. is where my little scratch cut is. and I was AGAIN an idiot so I was not#wearing a bandage. (thought it was fine because it had already kinda scabbed over.) and then i get off my what. 2? 3? hours of crochet and#go to brush my teeth and im like oh wow why is that all irritated. and then im like. OHHHH FUCK I HAD SCRATCHY WOOL YARN RUNNING OVER IT.#so yeah I am adding unscented soap And saline to my shopping list for tomorrow !#and praying to every god on earth and beyond it doesnt get infected#(it probably wont like. ive had cat scratches that were realistically probably worse than this. plus I’m taking vitamin gummies that are#specifically immune system boosting since like a week back because I got tired of getting a bunch of colds so hopefully they will also help#my nice little white blood cells fight off any bacteria here :) )
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iron-niffler · 1 year ago
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god im tired
#had class at two then back to back exams#and was braindead and crying by the time i got back at like 7:15 so just played video games for a few hours#and now i need to start studying for diffeq on friday#god i cant wait till saturday#would say friday afternoon but of fucking course i have three different fucking assignments due friday 11:59#what fucker thought “yeah we'll just put strengths of materials and physics back to back then diffeq two days after”#and ofc it's “mEntAl hEalTh wEeK” at my school#so im just sitting here crying for the tenth time today over physics/strengths/diffeq#and the advisors are spamming “come to this three hour webinar about burnout”#like...really#fuck everything why the hell did i ever think i was smart enough for engineering#my senior self was like “ooh this is cool” about circuits and lil robots and power tools#and now im sobbing over free body diagrams#am entirely convinced electric fields are black magic bc none of that shit makes any sense#im just so tired like i spent hours studying for these exams#did 2-3 backexams for each got little sleep since sunday#and i fucked both of them up massively#course my professor was like “if you can do these you can do the exam”#and i did those problems easily the night before and was like okay! let's work on physics!#and then the exam hit me like a fucking freight train#i can't even do the basic shit like stay fully awake for all my classes#bc of course they only offer three of the engineering courses back to back to back starting at 8:30 in the fucking morning#and im fine in thermo but just start completely crashing during strengths and am just half dead in diffeq#accidentally put my head down during a five minute break once and woke up twenty minutes later 😭#i am not a morning person#starting at 10am is fine but 8:30am?#adrenaline gets me through the first hour but then im just dead
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pebblezone · 2 years ago
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Wait omg Apple changed the essential albums for The Beach Boys this is so fucking based
#talkingcore#like it’s newest to oldest so I thought they stopped at pet sounds because they wanted it front and center which is fair#but no they cut out everything before today! and put surfs up and sunflower in Oh My God#pet peeve: they have surf’s up under 1970 instead of 1971 which then cause of the alphabet makes it seem like sunflower came out first#which it did not. but whatever omgggg this has like no real impact but this is such epic news!!! great minute for annoying people!!!!#okay actually wait they do the same order thing with today! and summer days summer nights where they came out in the same year today!#came out first but because of the alphabet it makes it look like summer days summer nights is older which is false though I guess in som#ways the sound Does reflect that.GRGHDJ i forgot to post the other day how they fucked up their top songs#they had like a demo tape & 5 versions of merry Christmas baby as the top songs which like Girl No Fucking way#OH it was fun fun fun from fucking STARS AND STRIPES GDGDHDJ hate that album so fucking much summer in paradise gets bashed on (as it should#BUT it’s at least The Beach Boys singing. so tell me why they try to play off this shitty ass glorified cover album as The Beach Boys#the beach boys don’t sing on it!!!!!!! it’s just fucking covers!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they’re not even good they got Caroline no and it :(#that is not for you that is for me that’s me that’s my song I’m caroline I had my femininity mourned like it’s ME fuck You Stars and Stripes#it is funny that still cruisin and summer in paradise were So ass that they literally are Not on streaming platforms I had to listen to them#for the first time through YouTube because No one wants to pay for them and like. yeah. that’s a good call
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