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halforcdad · 2 years

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Really loving how the show is exploring the beginning of Kate and Lucy's relationship and all the insecurities that still lurk in the shadows of honeymoon bliss. There's a lot to love in 2x02:

Kate blurting out, “I want to tell my boss we’re dating,” and Lucy being completely thrown off. It’s Kate’s version of “I want to be intimate,” and Lucy pointing at the coffee shop and going, “Here???”

Lucy being a supportive, stabilizing force for Kate only for us to find out she's equally as freaked out and worried later in her own time (says it to Jesse and then, as pointed out very nicely here, she punches her girlfriend's boss's arm then tries to recover by nervously complimenting his corny apron).

"No, no it's not fine, Lucy... You make it look so easy," is giving "You're always doing nice things for me... I just wanted to show my appreciation." (Both of them feeling like they're not doing enough/doing it as well as the other and trying to do something big to make sure they're reciprocating properly, resulting in them making "mistakes" they feel the need to apologize for.)

2x02 is likely an intentional callback/parallel to 1x07 to show how far they've come:

Kate hesitantly whispering in a dark corner about being compartmented after Lucy invited her out in front of people vs. Kate, in public, outright saying she wants to introduce Lucy to her boss and coworkers and inviting her to the barbeque (and wanting Lucy's input)

Lucy being all hush-hush with Ernie in the empty hallway vs. Lucy rambling loudly to Jesse about her girlfriend possibly losing her position because of conflict of interest concerns while walking down that same hallway (and then the bullpen) now full of coworkers

Kate not wanting anyone at work, especially Lucy’s team, to find out about them (”Ernie’s not people”) vs. Kate jumping at the chance to ask Jesse for advice despite him giving her an out (in general, Jesse, who labelled Kate 'the Mean Girl™️' in the pilot, now watching her lament over her own incompetence because of a silly misunderstanding all while making silly faces and asking him how to not piss off his teammate/little sister/friend)

"You make it look so easy." "We don't have to do this today." "No, no, I want to, it's just—it's a lot for me,"

is a less combative version of,

"I'm trying to do this your way, you know, be all expressive and smiley, it's just—it's hard for me to be-" "Human?" "I'm trying here, Lucy."

They're both self-deprecating scenes for Kate. She admits she's embarrassed by herself in 1x07 and we see it in 2x02 after she confesses that this is the first time she's ever introduced a girlfriend to her coworkers. In 1x07, it's like Kate's begging Lucy to see her and understand her. In 2x02, it feels more like deep shame (especially when she looks down at "It's a lot for me") over disappointing and failing Lucy again after saying she’d do things differently this time. Lucy, who’s the most amazing woman she’s ever met, who’s crazy about her, who’s still trying to reassure her when Kate can’t even do something as simple as correct her boss when he assumes she’s dating a guy.

A big difference is that in one, Kate knows she hurt Lucy and is delivering a necessary apology after a disagreement and in the other, Kate thinks she’s hurt Lucy, even though Lucy's tells her it's fine. Kate still insists that it's not, is quick to say “it’s my fault”, and is stressing out big time over a small mistake. It also feels like the difference between the two Kacy scenes is this feeling of Kate “has to” vs. Kate “wants to”. S1 Kate is sharing because she messed up and is trying to cling onto the potential this relationship has and S2 Kate already knows the pain of losing Lucy to her own bad choices and wants to be better (1x07 ends with Kate in that state because she was prompted, but in 2x02 she starts the episode already having decided on her own that she wants to involve Lucy).

In 1x07, Lucy’s hurt and upset, so even when Kate’s being vulnerable (after Lucy offered up some vulnerability first) and turning her assumptions on their head, she lashes out. Ernie’s advice earlier in the episode is light-hearted ribbing, but also coated in the fact that maybe Lucy was wrong to make assumptions from her own insecurities. She can’t be sympathetic towards Kate just yet. Eventually, she recognizes the effort Kate’s putting in and agrees to terms that’ll make her the most comfortable. Kate’s asking for a lot of things in this scene: forgiveness, understanding, another chance, time.

In 2x02, Lucy can clearly see Kate's distress and realizes the big leap Kate's trying to make for her, for them. Sees the workplace stakes 1x07 Kate might have been worried about and spirals a little too before Jesse course-corrects her. When Kate admits how new this type of milestone is for her, despite it being something Lucy's wanted since s1, she prioritizes Kate's comfort and says they don't have to do this today. It's only when Kate makes it absolutely clear that this is something she wants to do, something they both want, that Lucy switches the type of support she offers.

Kate puts herself out there, lets herself be vulnerable, and Lucy meets her halfway: in 1x07 when she agrees to being a secret and in 2x02 when she's supporting Kate's decision to be transparent and open about them.

The first is a compromise in the dark, in the closed-door break room tucked in the corner of the office, after their coworkers have gone home. Lucy flirts and teases, but she walks away, leaving Kate to chase after her. It obviously means a lot to both of them, but they don't say that out loud, instead choosing to be all coy about it and deflecting. They probably spend the night together, Kate showing her appreciation in the comfort of her own home.

The second is a reminder and a promise that Kate isn't alone anymore because they're in a serious, committed relationship. Lucy reaches out, leaves no room for doubt as she links their hands together, and tells Kate earnestly that she's right there by her side, that she's here to stay no matter what. In the light of day, out in the open, on their way to meet Kate's coworkers. Then, she walks with her into the bbq, stands by her the whole time, and uses that Lucy Tara charm on everyone. And Kate repays all that by being brave, by being openly sweet, loving, and affectionate with Lucy in front of everyone.

#ncis hawaii #ncis hawai'i #kacy #lucy tara #kate whistler #does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes #im choosing to see subtext in 'you make it look so easy' dont fight me ill win #im gonna lose my mind if i think any harder about these two eps #theres layers to this!#these episodes are best friends do not separate them #im now obsessed with 2x02 all the kacy conversations + jesse were so good #these two are truly so so cute but also so so stupid how do you not see how in love yall are #like whistler of course lucy is crazy for you shes been down to clown since the beginning #and lucy the woman who grovelled at ur feet and serenaded u isnt going to be scared away by all you can eat breakfast buffet #i love curtis but he really was there in the thick of it for 1x20 and didnt get a gay vibe at all from either lucy or whistler #truly the type of straight man who would unironically wear a flavorful bbq ingester apron and obsess over tongs #can you tell 1x07 is one of my favorite s1 episodes

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littlesolo · 2 years

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Kacy Fic Writing Update

At the moment, I have part of the next chapter of Pull and Older Sibling started, but still a lot to go on both. I haven't forgotten Priorities! I have that open behind this window! Adrift is being worked on too.

On the plus side, I know where each of those stories is headed still, so once I find the flow again, they should be up soon after. My biggest problem is that I loved where the finale left us!!! Most of my stories have them trying to find their way back to each other or starting again slowly. It's hard to find that again mentally because I'm firmly in them being back together and happy. That image of them dancing together is firmly in my head.

I do have a few one shots coming! I worked on one and thanks to a lot of help last night from @alexandracabot I should probably have that one up tonight! It's based on a prompt I got.

Reminder: My inbox is ALWAYS OPEN FOR PROMPTS!!! I may not get to them all, but I do enjoy them. Keeps us all fed with Kacy content and gives me something lighter in my down time between working on chapters.

I do have another chapter of Overnight Guest coming (big thanks to @casualkoalatea for that). Still working on the next chapter of Ending Start. Have a crack one shot thanks to @northjet coming soon (also thanks to encouragement from @i-like-turkey )

I have more one shots that are team and Tiny Tennant based too. Like Hina's point of view and how she got so invested in Kate and Lucy's relationship.

There's also my List of Kacy Fic Plans For the Summer Hiatus.

The only real set back is real life is hitting me hard at the moment. That will probably result in more writing than anything else though. Let's hear it for coping mechanisms! But that's where things are now.

#kacy #kacy fic #kate x lucy #kate whistler #lucy tara #writing update

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itsfeckinwimdy · 3 years

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NTMY Chapter Two - The Bored.

Eventual cc!Quackity x fem!reader (romantic) (soulmate au)

Reader Pronouns: She/Her

Summary: Y/n is bored. There are cats and Minecraft.

Word Count: 1.4k (1404) words.

Tags: series: nice to meet ya; multi series: just found my soulmate feeling good; type: soulmate au.

Will include references to the other characters in this series (Ellis, Evie, Kaci, Jay, Kora, Sam, and Achilles.)

Soulmate attribute: When you and your soulmate look into a mirror at the same time, you can see each other rather than your own reflection.

NTMY Series Masterlist / Soulmate Multi-Series Masterlist / Soulmate Extra’s Masterlist / DSMP Masterlist

Published: 04/11/2021

(I promise that Quackity will appear next chapter, don't worry.)

"Are you worried about having Netflix back in the garage?"

"Not really... It's kind of a rumour, well more like a saying, that when Netflix is around things go wrong. Like bad luck almost. It doesn't bother me really, except the fact I have to focus on what I say and do when I have a camera on me. People tend to take things out of context a lot when it comes to me so I just have to be careful, you know.

"Make sure I don't say anything 'suspicious'."

The interviewer nodded her head in response before asking the next question, prompting Y/n to continue talking.

"Having Lewis Hamilton as your teammate, most people would think is a nightmare. But to me, it's quite fun. The two of us are both world champions, um, Lewis obviously having won more than I have, but I don't think either of us outranks the other really.

"Obviously, he was on a winning streak and was doing exceptionally well when I joined Mercedes and still is, to be honest. But because the two of us are so competitive, both of us are always striving to get first place in each race. And when you don't, it can make you feel like you've sort of lost. Because you're always aiming to be better than your teammate because you want to win, right?

"I don't have anything against Lewis, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have anything against me, but the two of us are the contenders for the podium this year. So I do expect to be butting heads with him."

"Is that going to become a problem later in the year?"

"I mean, it didn't last year or the year before, so I don't see why it would. We just kind of accept that one of us is going to win and the other one won't. But until then it's fair game."

May 2020

Recording music was something Y/n thought she would never get the chance to do so. It was something on her bucket list of things to do, to which thinking about it, she needs to add more as most of the items on there are already completed.

So now that she could finally check that off her list, now came the release date. See it wasn't just up to her when the songs would be released; it ended up being a group project between herself, Ellis, and Evie, the youngest one having the most musical skills out of the three of them.

Her cousin, Kaci was also part of the project, herself recording some vocals and helping the trio with the lyrics and production as well.

The only thing Y/n was worried about was any of the criticism she or the others might face. It was one thing, being a formula one driver, it was another dragging your friends/family into the drama; to a world where critics were breathing down your neck; to a world where one wrong move could end everything.

And maybe she didn't want that for everyone.

Or maybe Evie was just going to take forever to edit the music videos because she wants to animate them and therefore take ages to get them finished. After all, she was also busy doing other things.

It was probably just that and Y/n's brain causing her thoughts to spiral.

Yeah, it was that.

Y/n listened to the demo again for the eighth time, trying to figure out what was missing from it. Ellis was sat with her, them taping their fingers along to the beat as they were reading messages from their phone.

‘At least George isn’t here for once,’ Y/n thought before scolding her brain for thinking that, ‘At least he’s not snogging Ellis.’ Now that she could agree with.

Just as she thought that Ellis’ phone began to ring, them answering the call with a dumb lovestruck smile on their face.

‘Fucking George,’ Y/n thought shaking her head, as she gave a pointed look to Ellis, shooing them out of the room, turning her chair to watch them retreat.

Swivelling around to face her computer, she closed the application that was playing their music on repeat as Lance, Evie’s cat, let out a meow and attempted to swat at her before he stopped at the look Y/n gave him. She stared down at him, daring the fucker to try and swat at her. Lance knew that a spray bottle was coming his way if he dared try that again.

Seeing Lance decide to be docile, she picked her hand up to pet him, running her hand through his fur. He let out a loud meow in appreciation before he started to purr. His fur was black, as dark as coal as some might say, but to Y/n, it reminded her more of the night sky, when the sun would finally set and you would look up only to see a whole load of emptiness.

Maybe that ended up sounding a bit too sad, a bit too dreary. But that feeling you get when you look up into the dark abyss and just remember that you're a blip in all of existence but you managed to exist, to survive this far through this hell hole called life.

Y/n blinked a few times as Lance meowed at her, her coming out of her head and back into reality.

Maybe May was the time to be having existential crisis’, maybe it wasn’t. But we’ll never know because we're moving on because all things had to keep moving forwards, unfortunately.

June 2020

Y/n was bored. Completely and utterly bored. If there was a scale on how bored you could be then Y/n wouldn't even be on it. She felt like she had nothing to do, even though there was plenty of things she could've been doing.

It was like when you were hungry and there were all these options of anything and everything to eat but nothing seems appealing.

To be honest, that also applied to her sexuality. Or that was the way she described it to others. When you have all the options of every single food in the world but nothing seems appetizing but you're hungry. Now replace hunger with libido and the 'nothing seems appetizing' with sexual attraction. Yes, she was asexual.

That came as a surprise to people apparently. I mean, the number of sex jokes she makes and how 'dirty minded' she was she could understand where they were coming from. heh, coming.

Y/n shook her head in disappointment at her own thoughts, feeling betrayed by them.

She sighed out loud before a knock sounded against her door, her spinning around in her swivel chair to face the person who decided to bother her.

"Yeah?" Y/n asked causing the person behind the door to open it. It was Ellis, them leaning around the edge of the door rather than stepping into her room.

"You wanna play Minecraft with us?" Ellis began, seeing that they had piqued Y/n's interest, "It's just vanilla survival on the Dream Team server, but you don't have to join if you don't want to."

Y/n thought about it for a second before nodding her head in response, "Sure, I wasn't doing anything anyway. Not like we can continue with the album at the moment."

Ellis nodded their head in understanding, they were also kinda bummed out that their project had to be put on hold until the future. It was due to covid and everyone working from home causing only the essential business to be open. Understandably, of course.

"Okay, I'll send you the IP and add you to the discord," Ellis disappeared back out of the room forgetting to close the door before they appeared back where they were stood, pointing a finger at their sister, "Join!"

Ellis retreated back to their room, but not before shutting the door. During that conversation, Ellis' cat, Cooking Fat, or Stitch for short, had snuck into the room and jumped up onto the windowsill, lying in the sunlight.

Compared to Lance, Evie's cat, Stitch was more docile but would always climb to places he shouldn't. Especially on bookshelves and any high places he could theoretically reach. She shook her head at the cat's antics, seeing him attacking one of her window plants but deciding to leave him to as if she went over there and stopped him, he would only continue once she sat down again.

Turning around in her seat, Y/n faced her pc before opening the Minecraft launcher and discord. Seeing she had been added to a new server, she found the message with the version and IP address.

As she clicked the join button and the screen loaded in, she thought it was just going to be another server she would join, not something bigger.

So that was June, the month where nothing really happened because there was nothing to do. Or maybe this was just a filler chapter because things were to come, or maybe the author had nothing really planned for this chapter because Quackity doesn't show up until the next one, but because of how they wrote it this chapter had to exist.

So that was June. The month of boredom.

⇥ Taglist

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧ — There's nothing here yet!

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anotherbeingsworld · 4 years

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#40 for Bryce X mc because it's something Bryce would definitely do 🥺

Thank you for the request ! I really hope it would do justice for our boy Bryce! I hope you enjoy it! 💚💚

Prompt #40 : Making a goofy face until they notice and laugh.

Title: Life’s Greatest Gift

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Casey Valentine)

Warnings: Minor mentions of anxious states, but besides that its fluffy!

The wait is killing her, as the timer on her phone started. The 600-second countdown is haunting her as Bryce stood beside her in their bathroom. Casey was pacing as the stick is placed on their sink. The test that could change their lives forever.

Casey is in her usual anxious state, whilst Bryce is trying his best to calm his wife’s nerve. In a short time, he managed to get himself an idea to ease her worries.

A distraught Casey is trying to distract herself by clutching down on the bathroom floor, and he followed her lead. She was hiding her face in her hands, a gesture he knows all too well and, this is his time to shine.

Bryce starts to make his funny faces and expressions that he remembers she used to love all these years, long before they were husband and wife. It was a small gesture to make her laugh, and honestly, he loved her laugh. He loved seeing her happy, as she walked through the hospital doors, or even the time she held that beautiful smile whilst being strong in this field where they had indeed seen both loss and tragedies.

-------------------------

He started on doing the usual trick that he always did on the kids at the pediatric ward, as he would play a session of peek-a-boo and it often works with them. Casey didn’t even bother to look, as the pressure started to get to her. Bryce thought about all their moments of spending their time at the pediatric ward together, all the smiles from the kids made his heart warm and, he started to stuck his tongue out, and playfully covering his eyes.

Casey finally notices what he was doing, and her face relaxes a little. Bryce pats himself in the back as he started to figure out more expressions as it was slowly working. But, he knows that Casey wouldn’t give in quickly.

Bryce started on making the fish face expression, as his cheeks and mouth were sucked into a real fish as Casey tries her best to hold on a burst of laughter with a small cough, as the pressure is slowly lifted from her back. She folded her arms, with a raised eyebrow.

‘Are you surrendering Mr. Lahela?’

Bryce smirks, as his mind was set on winning their small battle.

‘Never, not in a million years.’

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After a million faces expression later, Casey is on the verge of losing as he figures out his final move. Both of them unaware of the pregnancy test at the moment, as they were lost in this little moment that somehow has been a huge part of their relationship.

Bryce rubs his hands together mimicking an evil villain, as he prepares his final expression. The one that he knows Casey wouldn’t resist; the Bryce Lahela sensual wink.

It was his secret weapon and, he knows he could win with that move.

Casey tries her best to stifle her laughter from the previous expression, with an expression as hard as stone on her face. Trying her very best not to be distracted by her irresistible husband.

His face was hard as stone, before he leaned forward with an exaggerated look on his face, as he winks as slowly as he could, somehow it was like in a movie. After the signature wink, he fluttered his eyebrows at her, ending it all with the cross-eyed face which is her final straw, as she lets out a huge laugh. She couldn’t contain herself anymore, as the bathroom was echoed with laughter by a less worried Casey Lahela.

Bryce dusted his shoulders with pride, as he had won the round once again. And, honestly, the look on her face was worth it. The worried on her face has cascaded, as the beautiful smile lingers there. Casey stops herself from laughing once more, as she pulled Bryce into an embrace. He held onto her, the love of his life as they enjoyed the little moments as a notification from her phone brought them both into reality.

A message from Sienna, which says.

‘So, what’s the verdict, Casey??’

Casey stood up from the floor, as Bryce follow suit. Their session made them forget about the whole situation, as she took deep breaths calming herself by whatever the result is. Bryce holds her gaze for a few moments as she nods before seeing the results.

She took the stick in her trembling hands, as Bryce held her. Both of them are ready to know what the future might hold.

2 lines. Positive. Pregnant.

The room was silenced, as Casey lets out a shriek and a gasp in between. Bryce felt himself in tears, as it was positive after all these years. He pulls her into a bear hug, as he spun her slowly as the waterworks is finally happening.

‘We did it, Bryce.’ She said between the sobs, as Bryce stroke her cheek with happiness in his eyes.

‘We are going to be a family.’ He replied as their wish had finally been granted after all these years. Both Casey and Bryce are excited about the new journey as Bryce could finally use his skillful talents for their very own family very soon.

THE END.

Tags: @bitchloveskcbaseball , @storyofmychoices , @jaxsmutsuo , @mvalentine , @princess-geek , @lahellacute , @kacie-0156 , @simp-for-villains , @annekebbphotography , @brycelahel , @mrsbhandari , @dcbbw , @choicessa , @choices-confessions , @aylamwrites , @fantasyoverreality98 , @drakewalker04 , @baltersome , @thecordoniandiaries , @thundergom @starrystarrytrouble , @ohramsey , @kelseaaa , @rookie-ramsey

#bryce x mc #bryce lahela #open heart #fics #anotherbeingsworldwrites #i hope you like ittt #i love domestic fluff #enjoyyy

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soheila-1996 · 4 years

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My story- part two

Hi! Thank you all so much for all the lovely comments and support I got on the first part! It made me wanna write a second!

My little disclaimer:

I have epilepsy. This details my seizures, I can’t speak for everyone, everyone’s seizures/ experiences are different. This is graphic. Seizures are messy. They aren’t fun and it felt wrong to make it out to be cute when they really aren’t. Pretty much all the things that happen in the plot have happened to me. Well, I’m not married to a king or live in a palace so…there’s that but everything else is accurate. There may be some jokes about it here because I do joke about it sometimes. It makes me more comfortable and I find it helps relax everyone around me. I’m also writing about it because there really aren’t that many fics written about it and I think it’s important to shine light on it.

Any feedback would be really appreciated! :)

Tagging people who shared the first part. You don’t have to read it! I just thought you might want to see what happens: @kacie-0156, @texaskitten30, @cordonianroyalty, @kingliam2019, @bebepac, @kingliam-rys, @cordonia-gothqueen, @kimmiedoo5, @bbrandy2002, @loveellamae, @bobasheebaby

This is also part of wacky drabbles hosted by @emceesynonymroll. The prompt this week is: #38: Please don’t leave.

Paring: Liam and Riley

Warnings: Blood, hospital setting.

Word count: 5261

(Riley’s POV)

I woke up the next morning sore. Everywhere was achy. My tongue felt like it had been speared, I hadn't really noticed it the night before. I was so tired and still a little ‘seizure drunk’ that I hadn't realised.

I’m in my bed but I can’t remember coming to bed the night before. The last thing I remember is coming back to the apartment and explaining to everyone about my epilepsy then we decided to put a movie on- I must have fallen asleep and Liam probably had carried me to bed.

I really don’t deserve him.

I turned over to be met with empty cold sheets. His side of the bed was unmade so he had slept here but he was nowhere in sight. He was probably still mad. I don’t blame him. I'd be a little pissed had I just found out he had a serious medical condition that he never told me about.

I hate talking about it. I don't understand why though. It’s not something I can control or should be ashamed of but in a way I am. I’ve always longed to be normal and before last night everyone thought that I was and I, if i'm being honest, loved it. I revelled in being like everyone else for once.

I turned back onto my back, throwing my head back against the pillow as I let out a drawn out sigh. I feel like I’ve messed everything up. It’s like I’m back when I messed everything up with Tom, my ex, he found out about my epilepsy and left. I had a seizure in front of Ben, another ex, my high school crush, and like Tom, he left after saying some pretty disgusting things to me. I know that my seizures aren't pretty, I know they're scary but I have no control over them. If I had it my way I wouldn't have them.

Jacob- my last boyfriend before Liam, he wasnt as ignorant as the last two. He tried to be there for me like a normal boyfriend but he just couldn't seem to let it go. He was constantly on edge that I'd have a fit. Eventually, it got too much for the both of us and so our relationship came to an end. Now, I’m scared of what’s going to happen with Liam. I don't want to lose him. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone.

I’m just hoping we can find a way to move forward. Together.

A few minutes went by before I decided to throw the comforter off of me and get out of the bed. I winced slightly as I stood. I had forgotten how much my muscles always ache after a seizure. It’s horrible. All of it is horrible.

I opened the bedroom door after taking down my robe off the back then padded toward the kitchen. I lingered outside of the half-closed door when I heard Liam’s voice coming from inside.

“...That’s not the point Drake. The point is what if she had a seizure and no one was there or knew about it? What if she does have one and she’s alone? What if her stubborn nature comes out and she doesn't tell anyone when she’s not feeling well?”

I felt my heart sink down into my stomach. Liam is stressed anyway and I've just added to it. I feel terrible, physically and mentally. He doesn't need to constantly worry about me. I don’t want him to constantly worry about me, he’s my husband not my carer.

I needed to face the music so to speak so I pushed the door fully open. The squeaking of the door opening got both men's attention. It wasn’t until I was fully in the room I realised, Hana and Maxwell were also here too.

Everyone looked at me expectantly, “Liam, all I can do is tell you that I’ll be honest. I’ll tell someone when I'm not feeling well. I know you have no reason to trust me after the stunt I pulled last night but...I’m still the same person I was before last night. Please, please don’t treat me differently,” I’m pleading with him and my friends now although I know I don't really have a right to ask for anything not after all the chaos I’ve caused.

Liam and I briefly locked eyes. Liam sighed and opened his arms. “Come here.”

I didn't hesitate to walk into his embrace. I clung tightly to him. I’m scared and he’s the only thing that ever makes me feel safe. Like everything will be okay.

I felt him wrap his arms around me tighter and place a kiss on the top of my head. “You really scared me last night, Ri,” Liam told me quietly, “I’m just glad you’re okay.” He pecked my head again as he let me go and stepped back.I looked up to him and gave him a reassuring smile. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” I nodded, he raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m a bit sore but that’s normal.” Liam nodded. I understood his concerns about me not telling him about how I'm really feeling. I just have always found it difficult to be honest about it.

A few moments of awkward silence went by. No one knows what to say, I don’t know what to say or how we go from here. There’s no guide on what to do when your wife of two years drops an epilepsy bombshell.

Drake finally broke the silence, “His Majesty over here was just bragging about how, he, in his own words ‘make the best pancakes.’ We were just about to put that to the test, weren’t we Li? Before Brooks interrupted.”

I saw Liam’s eyebrows crease as he looked to his oldest friend. Drake shot him a look enough to tell him to just go along with it.

Liam smiled, it was his fake, forced one. I could always tell, his real one always showed his pearly white teeth and reached his eyes. This one his lips were in a tight line and his eyes didn't twinkle.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

I, of course, knew it was a cover but I was thankful for Drake’s distraction. Drake and I sat down on one side of the table and Maxwell and Hana on the other as Liam got started on mixing together the ingredients.

A little while later, we all had our own plates full with pancakes. We all dug in silently. It was awkward, not a comfortable silence at all.

I placed my fork down just as everyone else was just finishing there’s. I hadn’t finished all of mine, when I chewed the cut on the side of my tongue brushed painfully up against my teeth.

“Guys…,” I started but was promptly cut off by Maxwell. I could tell last night that he was hurt I didn’t tell him.

“Just promise us that you’ll tell us when you’re not feeling well next time, Little Blossom.”

“That and take your medication,” I heard Drake mumble from beside me.

“Okay,” I nodded, ignoring Drake’s snarky comment. “I’ll tell one of you.”

“Promise?” Maxwell asked me.

“I promise.”

Maxwell held out his pinky. I promptly wrapped my own little finger around his from across the table. “You can’t break a pinky promise,” Maxwell reiterated.

“I know, Max,” I sighed as I let go of him and placed both my hands back down into my lap.

“We’re all just worried about you,” Hana spoke up. I nodded in understanding. Here comes the pity party. “But we can get through anything together.”

We all stayed there for a little while, each of them reiterating how much they loved and supported me. They were honestly the best group of friends I could ever have asked for. They loved me no matter what and I loved them too.

Later that day, I discovered the surprise Liam had in store was a trip to go to our honeymoon island in a couple weeks time. Our diaries were both packed and that was the only time we could make the trip. Leo and Katie also had headed back to the States that evening.

They had all checked in now and again but not too annoyingly. It had been a bit overboard over the first couple of days but their overprotectiveness was easing off a bit. Thankfully.

I still was having trouble sleeping and not getting enough so I started sometimes having a nap during the day when I had the time to do so. Liam had taken on some of my responsibilities, I hadn't been pleased about that but I needed to sort my sleep out and he was aware that a lack of sleep and stress was a massive trigger for me.

Everything had changed that night but nothing really changed- if that makes sense? For two years my condition had been my dirty little secret and now it was finally out in the open, I was hardly going to go shouting it from any rooftops anytime soon but I felt much closer to everyone. I hadn't realised how much I had been distancing myself.

Liam had taken it better than I had expected. He, of course, was worried but he didn't overwhelm me with it. He asked me questions about it as well as doing research on my type of seizures to try and understand as much as he could. He wasn't like Jacob, he could at times be overbearing with his desire to know everything about my condition.

If I was honest all of my friends had been phenomenal. It was only our tight knit group that knew about it still. I didn't feel a need to announce it to an entire country and so I didn’t.

All in all, I felt better than I had for a long, long time.

I still should have told everyone about it at the beginning but my fear that they’d see me differently, that they’d treat me differently had gotten in the way but they had all proven me wrong time and time again.

It was the day of The Five Kingdoms festival, It had originally meant to have been a few weeks ago but the weather had been appalling so it was rearranged for a day with much nicer, inviting weather. It's the only day of the year that the palace is open to the Cordonian Public so naturally we wanted as many of our citizens as possible to attend.

Liam and I had been gallivanting around the palace grounds, playing games and talking with our people. It was the normalcy that I had always wanted, with a husband who didn't treat me like I’m made of glass.

A little while later, I slipped back inside the palace and headed to the nearest toilet which ended up being in my apartment. I’ve lived here for two years and I still don't know where anything is. I needed to go and couldn't hold it in any more. I had tried to find one of my friends or husband just to let them know in case they needed me but the crowd was massive so it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack so I headed in on my own. It wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t need a babysitter.

I had just done what was needed and was standing by the sink, washing my hands when I felt my stomach roll.

Oh no.

I, initially, ignore it. I had been ignoring feeling sick for a little while, I thought it was just because I haven't eaten much today but then my arms started to go numb and I know what’s coming. I’m all alone and I know I won't be able to make it to Liam or one of my friends in time.

“Oh no, no, ” I whispered to myself. I reached into my back pocket in my pants and pulled out my cellphone as I carefully lowered myself down onto the cold, bathroom tiles.

Still sitting up, I unlocked my phone and looked for Drake’s contact. I know Liam doesn't take his phone with him to royal events.

I fumbled with the device, my arm doesn't want to cooperate properly. I hit a contact, I just hope it’s the correct one.

Everything is becoming confusing again. I lie down with the phone beside me. I don’t really remember where I am and why I’m here.

I heard the phone ringing in the distance and Drake’s gruff voice come through on the other end. “Brooks?”

I don’t know what to say, I’m not sure what to say so I don’t talk. “Brooks, are you okay?”

I try to speak but it comes out as a whimper. Why is this happening again?! I took my meds, I followed the rules!

Drake’s tone changed, “Brooks, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

It takes more effort than it should but I manage to get out a jumbled sentence, “I dun’t feel good,” my voice is slurred, I’m talking like a child.

I vaguely hear Drake curse. “Okay...Where are you?” He sounds out of breath to me.

I looked around me. I’m not sure where I am.

Am I on the ceiling?

I don’t understand.

My head fell to the side, no I'm on the floor, I’m sure. It’s cold under my back. I still can't figure it out though.

I can’t think.

I can’t tell Drake where I am!

“I-I don-” I started, my voice is so slurred I don't think Drake can understand me. “S-scared,” I squeaked. That's all I know right now. I’m scared.

“I know. It’s going to be okay.” I don’t remember Drake’s voice being so echoey. “Riley, listen to me...you need to tell me where you are.”

Drake’s not here but I can hear him. How?

I feel myself beginning to gag and I’m sure Drake hears it too because he’s telling me to roll over onto my side. That’s hard. My limbs don't want to cooperate but I manage it and the vile stuff easily flows out of my mouth.

My fear mounts. What’s happening to me?!

I can’t focus on anything, my eyes are darting around the room. It’s making me more dizzy and disoriented but I need to know where I am.

“Li-” I’m trying to talk again but my voice is still jumbled.

“It’s Drake,” he told me. Drake? I don’t understand. It sounds familiar but I can't picture him.

I- Where am I?

I try to move but I can’t. My limbs feel heavy and I don’t have the strength to lift them anymore.

I just want this all to stop!

(Drake POV)

I’m weaving in and out of the crowd around me, my phone still against my ear. Riley’s scared whimpers coming through from the other end. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. Riley is like my sister and she’s scared, in trouble and I don’t know where she is so I can help her. I need to find Liam and I need to find her but I don’t know where either of them are!

I know she’s still conscious, she’s mumbling something incoherent. I’m trying my best to reassure her but I don’t think she understands.

Finally, I found Liam. He’s apple bobbing with someone. I ran over to him, Bastien is standing near him and is the first to notice the panicked look on my face. I walked past Bas and straight to Liam, I tapped him on the shoulder. He immediately stood back up to his full height turning to face me.

“What’s wrong?” He asked me, his eyebrow creased with concern.

“It’s Riley,” I told him. I quickly passed him the phone as we stepped away from the now curious onlookers. “I can’t get her to tell me where she is. I think she's going to have a seizure.” Liam eagerly took the phone out of my hand, putting it immediately to his ear.

(Liam’s POV)

Drake had just handed me his phone telling me that my wife was going to have a seizure and nobody knows where she is!

I can hear her scared whimpers coming through the other end. “Love? Riley, can you hear me?” I asked. Panic is evident in my tone but I’m really trying to keep myself composed.

I really am.

Last time was terrifying but at least that time people were there to help her. I was there to help her. This time nobody is there to help.

“Riley?” I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I’m sure it's about to come right out of my ribcage if it carries on.

Drake, Bastien and I are now walking inside the palace. It was only Riley’s voice coming from the other end so we made the evaluation that she wasn’t outside in the crowd and must be back in the palace somewhere.

She’s not talking but I can hear her crying. “Love? Riley, can you talk to me please?”

“I don–” I heard her stutter. I can hear in her voice that she’s scared and confused. “What is…? I don’t…” She said, trailing off.

“Riley, it’s okay,” I told her but it’s not. None of this is okay, “You’re just a little bit confused, sweetheart. That’s all.”

Through her sobs she said, “Li? I don’t feel good.”

“It’s okay, Riley. It’s all going to be alright,” I told her, trying to soothe her. We’re still walking around the palace- well, actually we're running around like mad men but we need to find her.

So many things are going through my head, so many worst case scenarios. I can barely hear myself think. I just need to find her, if I find her It’ll all be okay.

“Li, I dun’t feel glood,” She told me again. Her words have become more jumbled now. She’s speaking to me like a child who's just learning their first words. That’s okay though, I know she’s still awake and I’ve still got time to find her.

I froze mid-step as I heard her crying stop and then less than a second later, heard the sickening sound of her limbs flailing and hitting the floor below her. “Shit. Shit. Shit,” I whispered to myself.

My eyes widened as my panic mounted.

I listened closely, hearing for anything that could suggest where she is..then I heard it, dogs barking in the background.

She’s in the apartment!

I started running, not giving Drake or Bastien any indication of where I was going or an explanation.

I was on the other side of the palace!

I don’t think I've ever ran this fast in my life. I can hear Drake and Bastien behind me, I assume they’re both aware of what’s happening by now. I can still hear her limbs hitting the floor and the dogs barking in the background.

I’m really starting to panic. My legs aren't taking me to our apartment fast enough. I need to get to her! Now!

Another minute, another minute too long and I finally rounded the last corner, it took me slightly off balance as my left foot skidded but I managed to get back on track.

My lungs feel like they’re screaming for air but I don’t stop. I can see the door now!

Finally, I reached it and threw it open. I was greeted by both of the also panicked looking corgis, scratching at my legs. I looked around, she’s not in the living room, kitchen, bedroom.

I left the bedroom and headed down another little corridor and saw the bathroom door closed. I don't waste any time opening it.

I opened it hurriedly but cautiously. I don't know where she is and I don’t want to hurt her. Luckily, she’s in the middle of the floor. She’s not seizing anymore, she’s laying flat on her back. Her eyes are slightly open but I don't think she’s awake.

I don’t waste any time getting down on my knees beside her. I quickly placed Drake’s phone down away from us, there’s a little bit of blood pooling out from the corner of her mouth and I notice the sick on the other side of her. I don’t know how long she’s been laying here like this. The phone had cut off a little while ago.

I quickly pull her towards me, over onto her side. A little bit of blood flows from her mouth and onto the bathroom floor tiles.

Something feels really wrong to me. Her breathing isn't right. I placed my hand on her chin and opened her mouth properly. She gags and coughed as more of the blood tinged spit came out.

“It’s alright, Love,” I whisper quietly to her.

(Riley’s POV)

My eyes fluttered open slightly. Whatever I’m laying on is cold beneath me. I can see a figure in front of me only a few inches away and that’s when I start to panic .

My vision is disfigured.

I can’t hear.

I can’t move.

I feel something behind me, jumping up on me. I don't know what it is but I don’t want it touching me!

What is it?!

Get it off!

I try to squirm away and whatever I was is pulled away from me. I didn’t get far, I’m so tired and my body doesn't want to cooperate with me.

Why is it so hard to breathe?

I look around again, there’s something by my face which I soon discover is my own hand.

What’s happening to me?

I can feel somebody touching me- that figure in front of me placed a hand on my arm. I try to get away but I’m unable to.

….Why can’t I breathe properly?

It feels like I’ve drank some water and it’s gone down the wrong way. I’m coughing and gagging, trying to get rid of this feeling but it’s not going away. Why isn't it going away?!

My mouth hurts, stung by what tastes like vomit.

My hearing starts to return to me and my vision begins to sharpen. The figure in front of me moves so their face is in my eye line. It’s Liam.

I still don’t understand what’s happening. All I know is that it’s hard to breathe. Why?

My ability to think hasn't quite returned to me yet. I don’t remember how I ended up here.

I’m staring at Liam now as I splutter about, trying to get air to my agitated feeling chest. I think he’s figured out that i can see and hear him now. He slightly titles his head at me, giving me a soft, comforting smile.

“Hi, love. It’s okay. I’m here now.”

I gripped at my chest. Good, my arms are working again. “ C’breathe,” I tried to say. My sentence was rudely interrupted by a choking sensation that i tried to swallow down but that just made me cough more

I’m still really confused. The last thing I remember is just a sense of dread, pure fear.

“What’s hap-” My sentence is cut off by another coughing fit. I felt him as he started running his fingers soothingly through my hair.

“You had a seizure,” he explained to me calmly,” But you’re okay now.” I nodded, it all slowly but surely starting to come back to me.

(Liam’s POV)

It really is breaking my heart to see Riley struggling and I can’t do anything to help her. I wish I could take all of her pain away from her. She’s the most amazing person I've ever met and doesn't deserve this.

She seems drowsier to me than she did last time. While Riley was waking up Bastien had told me he had called an ambulance as a precaution while we were looking for her and now it’s looking like it’s actually needed. She really is struggling to breathe properly.

A few minutes go by and she’s still not fully alert. Her eyes looked up to meet mine, her eyes fluttering as another coughing fit. I smiled reassuringly down at her, “It’s okay. Paramedics are coming and they’re going to help you breathe better, okay?” She nodded sleepily.

She coughed again and foamy, blood tinged spit came out. I could see her trying to turn further onto her side but she was struggling. Too weak to do the task on her own. I help her gently back over.

“Liam,” She gasped as she finished emptying out what she could.

“It’s okay, I’m here.” I gently rubbed her shoulder as I tried to soothe her the best I could. I feel powerless.

I heard some voices outside of the bathroom- one I recognize and two I didn’t. Drake had taken the dogs away, so they weren't being a nuisance and Bastien had been waiting for the paramedics to arrive, which was who I presumed who he was showing in now.

Riley flinched when the sound of boots and the rustling of bags could be heard, as the medics made their way into the bathroom. I had moved out of the way and sat down by her feet. I kept a comforting hand on her calf so she knew I was there and wasn’t going to go anywhere.

It was like I was trapped inside of my own head again, like I had been the first time I had witnessed it. It’s the worst feeling in the world when someone you love more than anything is struggling and there’s nothing you can do to help them.

I hate this.

I had seemed to have zoned out, getting trapped back inside my head, where so many scenarios were racing. The paramedics were treating my wife with a level of urgency that scared me. They had mentioned being concerned about how she was breathing and made quick work of getting out of the palace and into the awaiting ambulance.

I should have been there! If I had been there then this wouldn’t be happening right now. I should have been there to protect her!

After a quick ride in the ambulance, we arrived at the hospital, where doctors and nurses immediately got to treating my wife.

Like I had guessed, she had aspirated on her blood and spit. After I found out about her epilepsy I had done a lot of research and looked into possible complications. I knew that having that much fluid in your lungs is dangerous. The doctors had kept her on oxygen and given her some medication. She could breathe easier now, thankfully.

Riley was stable now and had been admitted. I was just relieved that she was going to be okay. I was so, so scared when Drake initially told me and then when I found her that fear only tripled.

The entire experience had been traumatising for both me and her.

I never wanted to let her out of my sight again if I’m being honest. I don’t ever want her to be scared, alone and in danger like that ever again. I don't ever want to fail in helping her again. It feels like I’ve failed to protect the one person that means the absolute world to me. The only person that I’m sure I wouldn’t ever be able to live without. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that.

I headed down the hospital corridor to her room. She was fast asleep in the bed. She looked so tiny and vulnerable. I hate seeing her like this.

Drake had kindly dropped off a bag for us both, I placed it down by the chair beside her bed as I sunk down into it. It was now the early evening. I’m not entirely sure what had happened with the festival after I left. All I had been told was that Madeleine had ‘handled it’ whatever that meant.

I keep thinking over what happened today. This all could have gone very, very differently.

I try hard to keep back the tears pricking at my eyes but I ultimately fail. I can’t keep them in. I’m so scared of something happening to Riley, like what happened today, or something so much worse. I’m scared of losing her. She means everything to me.

I quietly get to my feet. I’m planning on just going for a little walk to clear my head. She’s asleep and I know she’s safe here. As I’m about to walk away her hand gripped onto my wrist. I stopped and looked down at her.

Her eyes sleepily opened fully, “Please don’t leave.”

“Okay,” I said, sitting back down in the chair and looking over at her.

Riley rubbed at her tired eyes then scooted over in the bed. She patted the space next to her, “Get in with me,” she ordered me so of course I complied after slipping my shoes off. I wrapped my arms around her as she rested her head against my chest.

We lay like that for a few minutes. The silence was broken when I couldn't hold in a sob anymore. Riley sat up slightly, looking up at me. She took one of her hands and wiped away the tear that was falling down my cheek.

I don’t understand how she’s doing this. I’m supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around.

“I love you,” I blurted out. My voice cracked and my bottom lip quivered.

“I love you too,” She said, as she snuggled up closer against me.

I sniffled then wiped at my now irritated, red, puffy eyes. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m sorry.”

(Riley’s POV)

I’m so overwhelmed with guilt right now. I knew this would happen if Liam were to ever find out. I knew he’d blame himself for everything, he always does. It breaks my heart to know my husband is devastated because my brain can't just behave itself.

This is what I was more scared of.

I’ve always been treated differently because of my condition- the sad thing is I’m used to it. It’s been a part of my life since I was a little kid. It’s all I really know. I could deal with Liam being overprotective- well, more than he already is to begin with over him being heartbroken over something, neither him or myself, can control.

I snuggled closer against him. I just want to be close to him right now.

A short while later, Liam’s sniffling stops and I look up at him again. Tears are pricking at my eyes as I figure out how to word my next sentence of the offer I had been thinking over and over for the last few minutes. “I don’t want to hurt you…” Damn, the tears are already starting to flow. “If you love someone then you let them go...I’m giving you an out because I don’t want to hurt you. I-I don't want this stupid condition to ruin your life too.”

Liam didn't say anything to start with. My heart sinks as I think he’s considering my offer. Unexpectedly, he pulled me tighter against him and pecked the top of my head. “I’m never going to leave you. I love you too much to let you go.”

I let out a loud half laugh, half-cry of relief. I don’t want to lose him either. Saying that sentence obliterated my heart.

I sniffled, “I love you too much to let you go too.”

#my story #tw seizure #liam x riley #the royal romance #wacky drabbles

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lenniharrisonsims · 3 years

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The Wedding of Fran & Olive

Part I- The Guests Arrive

In the early hours of the evening last night, members of multiple royal and noble families made their way to Newcrest to celebrate the wedding of HRH Princess Francesca Colona and Miss Olive Tinker.

The wedding was held at Brierwell Chateau, the childhood home of the princess, now belonging to her younger brother, Crown Prince Dante, Duke if Brier. HRH has said the home holds a lot of meaning to her, and the gardens are so beautiful this time of year, that there was no choice for the couple as to where they would be married!

The entrance to the house's gardens was decorated with big celebratory signs announcing "Mrs. & Mrs." as an announcement as to what is to come.

Always prompt, the first to arrive was Fran's grandmother, HIM Dowager Tsarina Nadia, along with her grandson and ward, HH Prince Grant.

Not long after the Dowager, came Princess Natasha and the Duke of Eastmeadow. HIH looked almost ready to pop, though we know she still has some time to go. Their daughter, Lady Josephine, is one of the flower girls for today's event.

From the other side of the family came Fran's aunt- HRH Princess Isabella, her husband the Duke if Whitland, and son Marquess Lorenzo- and her uncle- HRH Prince Stefano and his wife Chief Lilah Mahoe. Their daughter, HRH Princess Malie is also a flower girl for the wedding.

Next was the princess' paternal grandfather, HRH Prince Alfonso Colona, the Prince Widower.

Not long after him was Fran's brother-in-law, the Marquess of Fielmont. Captain Samson's wife, Princess Adriana, is one of the bridesmaids for the wedding.

Next to arrive was TMs King Ivan and Queen Anastsia De La Cru, aunt and uncle to the princess, joined by their children, Crown Prince Philippe and Princess Elizabeth, who brought HRH Crown Prince Duncan Norton of Willow Creek as her date.

HIM Tsarina Ekaterina and HIH Prince Matthew, another aunt and uncle for Princess Fran, arrived with their son Prince Benedict, both daughters not far behind.

Speaking of- HIH Crown Princess Ophelia came next, with trusted boyfriend Mr. Luke Marin on her arm. Sources say the green heart necklace the Crown Princess wore was an anniversary gift from Mr. Marin. Many are wondering- is a marriage proposal imminent? Or are the two just enjoying their time in university? Either way, HIH stunned in the shocking off-the-shoulder dress with over-sized accessory bow on the left side.

Soon after her sister came HIH Princess Rosalind, along with her boyfriend, Crown Prince Ramses Montero.

HIH Princess Maria and the Duchess Hartwards arrived next, with their younger daughter the Hon. Miss Feng Mian- who looked incredibly classy and quite grown up in her simple green form-fitting dress. FM's older sister, the Hon. Miss Yue Dias arrived not long after her family, with her cousin and roommate Princess Victoria. Both girls shocked and stunned in the outfits they chose to wear- Miss Dias in a coordinating formal jacket and shorts set, and HH in an off-the-shoulder, incredibly low cut, double breasted button-up dress. It seems all the residents of Darkwing House (the Crown Princess Included) have chosen to stun in their outfits today!

The Granite Falls contingent was next to arrive- HIH Prince Ygor and the Marquess Cedarworth, and HIH Princess Yelena and the Duke Grandwood, all four looking incredibly good for only just welcoming all new members to their families! Also joining his siblings was HIH Prince Ygor, who was joined once again by his girlfriend, Miss Kacie Stewart, who looked absolutely killer in her form-fitting leopard print dress with a spicy, high front slit.

Finally, the last of the guests arrived- HIH Prince Nickolai and his girlfriend Dr. Megan Hathaway. Dr. Hathaway in fact was wearing a stunning canary yellow gold diamond bracelet, a gift from the Arnsey vault from Nickolai to the Dr. Is this a hint that he intends to make the single mother his next Duchess of Arnsey? If so, we wonder what the current Duchess thinks about this?

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msjr0119 · 4 years

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WIP Wednesday Thursday

A/N: Quite a few people have asked me when such and such a series is returning. I’ve decided for this WIP, I’m going to do a little update on all series/prompts that I have in progress- I’ve been pretty useless at keeping up with them all. I’ve got a lot going on in my life at the moment, and I’m surprised that I’ve even managed to string a sentence together and keep up with reading as best as I can 😬

Warnings: adult language, mention of sex. #LONGASSPOST!

Thanks for the tags @loveellamae @thecordoniandiaries @kacie-0156 @glaimtruelovealways ❤️

I’m just tagging my combined tag list as I don’t know who’s been tagged (sorry if you’ve already been tagged!) - if you want to play along- feel free 😊

@pedudley @annekebbphotography @kingliam2019 @burnsoslow @kimmiedoo5 @lodberg @walker7519 @drakewalkerisreal @axwalker @bascmve01 @ladyangel70 @texaskitten30 @yukinagato2012 @indiacater @queenjilian @drakewalker04 @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @rainbowsinthestorm @desireepow-1986 @jared2612 @twinkle-320 @princessleac1 @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @princess-geek @bebepac @nikkis1983 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @seriouslybadchoices

*****

Series

A Second Chance

Holding her hand, he assumed that she would push him away- instead she snuggled into him.

“Do... do you think he loves me? Or was he only with me because they thought he would be King...daddy told me that he is different to them. That he could see that Theo loved me....”

“Your father knew?”

“He knew for years... Mom only knew when I told her that I was abdicating. She had an inkling that I was in a relationship. She believed it was with Jackson though... but he’s seeing Elena.”

“Why didn’t he tell your Mom? You know your Mom thinks that you and Theo are just a fling or so she hopes...Jackson’s seeing Elena?”

“I begged him not to. I know how much Mom hates Madeleine and Neville hence why we kept it a secret all this time. Yeah, I thought you’d have known?”

“What is it with you lot keeping secrets? Any other secrets that I need to know about?”

“Bartie lost his virginity to Chloe...” Shrugging her shoulders it was the only thing she could think about that wouldn’t get her brother or Jackson in trouble. I’m surprised Leo hasn’t murdered Bartie. Drake couldn’t be a hypocrite towards them all- they all did irresponsible things as children/ young adults too. It’s only natural.

“Okay gossip girl, anything else?”

“You love Mom still?” First Louis, not Ayah. Why can’t they give me a break? Drake thought to himself, believing that sooner rather than later the two of them would be impersonating Cilla Black.

“I’ll always love your Mom, Ayah. Always. As I love all of you. When we get back you need to apologise to her. And next time, keep quiet- your Mom has very good hearing!”

“I will do. I’m sorry. I love you, uncle grumpy.” Snuggling back into Drake, he held his niece tightly- hoping that Theo wasn’t going to hurt her. If so, himself and Leo wouldn’t hold back.

****

The Unexpected Roommate

Drake really couldn’t be bothered with Leo’s bachelor party. Leo and Olivia had asked their guests to meet them at the bar near to their house- then they would go their separate ways. Instead Drake decided to delay the two of them- the less time they spent at the bachelor and bachelorette party, the more time they could spend together.

“What the fuck? Drake!” Hearing Riley scream, he smirked. You’re not the only one who can pull pranks, darling.

“What’s up?” Walking into her room, he witnessed her covered in flour- the flour that he had placed above her wardrobe. He knew the minute she opened it, she would become a mess.

“You’re a fucking jerk! Why would you do this to me?”

“Why would you do all the pranks that you do? Chill out, Riley.” Pushing her way past him, she was beyond furious. Needing to shower again, they were cutting it fine time wise.

An hour later, Riley appeared in the lounge- scowling at him. I look like shit, whispering to herself. On a night out, she would spend two hours doing her hair, and at least an hour doing her make up.

“Liv is going to kill me! I’m late.”

“Fuck her.”

“It’s not funny, Drake! I’m the maid of honour and I can’t even show up on time.” Struggling to clasp the necklace, Drake walked behind her. Offering his assistance.

“You scrub up well.”

“Thanks arsehole.”

“No need to be nasty. I’ll help you.” Kissing her neck, he couldn’t resist in delaying them even longer.

“Drake! Stop fucking about! You know what, forget the necklace. Let’s go!”

“Or we could forget tonight in general?”

“You’ll want to go, there’s a stripper. Come on I’m going to get a slit throat.”

****

The Greatest Show (Hiatus)

“Hey, Li... I wanted to ask you something... why are you looking so smug?”

“Drake, I’d like to introduce you to someone- this is Riley Brooks.” Liam looked at Riley adorably as he elaborated about her, about them. All Drake could think about was which one of them, Olivia was going to murder first for the betrayal.

“So, what did you want to ask?”

“Have you seen Amber? I’ve had her dog chase me around my room. I can’t control it, she said she would only be a short time.”

“We did see her, she thanked Riley for bringing the dog. But we didn’t. She said that she was coming to see you. ‘I’ll see you both tomorrow? I’ve got one tall, dark, handsome commoner waiting for me...’ “

“Well where the fuck is she?” Maxwell and Bertrand are going to kill us.

****

We Belong

(This snippet is from a very future chapter)

“Hello, Evangeline.” Fluttering her eyelashes, her vision was blurry- but her senses were still there. Smelling that all familiar scent- whiskey.

“Drake...”

“Maybe if I was younger.” Not knowing where she suddenly gained an adrenaline rush from, she shot out of bed- running down the stairs she screamed for Liam and Maxwell.

“I’m going crazy. I need to be with Drake. Please take me to Drake....”

“You’re not going crazy.” Liam explained softly before providing the visitor with a stern expression. Even if what Bastien had told him was the truth - Liam had questions, had the need to interrogate the person.

“But he died. I’m crazy, Liam. She....”

“Who’s she?” Ignoring the identity of ‘she’, Evie felt as if she couldn’t breathe. Close to nearly hyperventilating.

“I called her crazy.” Letting go of Liam, she ambled over towards the ghost as she assumed. Placing her hand gently onto his heart, there was a fully working heartbeat.

“It’s you. It’s really you...”

****

End Game

“Hello, my lords and lady’s.” I decided to take a break, for my own sanity. Interrupting the friendship circle I immediately noticed how Riley couldn’t bear to look at me. Thankfully, Drake broke the silence having a joke at my expense- about myself escaping.

“Until tomorrow at least. It’s been a long day.”

“No kidding, I could really use a bath.” Suddenly Maxwell arises from ground- he’s so dramatic. He suggested about going to a local spa. We were all in agreement that it would be relaxing for us all. I was utterly disappointed realising that the rooms were co-Ed. Lady Riley and Lady Hana wouldn’t be personally joining us- I had hoped to talk to Riley. In private. Again. As we relaxed, I also wanted to talk to Drake in private- about Riley. But I just couldn’t. Why is it so hard to be open with my best friend? My brother?

“Hey guys!” Shit, she looks beautiful. Maybe we should cover up a bit more? Not that I mind, Riley seeing me like this.

“I think the ladies will be fine.” Drake said sarcastically. After a while of talking about Maxwell’s tattoo- Drake decided to have a dip in cold plunge offering for anyone to join him. I shook my head as I believed the girls would immediately follow him- heading towards the tub I sink into the water. Wishing that things could be different.

“Hey... Li, can we talk please?”

****

Hold my girl (Hiatus)

(A future chapter)

Freya had topped up her coffee, more times than she intended to. When she was at work she preferred for it to be busy- that way her mind wouldn’t wander. She couldn’t bear to imagine what Drake and the others were upto in Cordonia. It had been a few weeks since she left her brief visit without saying goodbye. Feeling like a let down especially towards Maxwell, who was overexcited about their ‘slumber party’ that she never attended. The minute she arrived back home, she contacted Daniel. Much to her surprise, he turned up in Vegas bringing Ben and Jerry’s to comfort his best friend. To say today was a Saturday night, the shift was dragging. Usually the emergency department was busy, with patients linked to alcohol incidents. Some were minor. Some were major.

“Nurse Johnson, you’re required immediately in resus- bring assistance. Urgently!”

Knocking the coffee over, the staff rushed straight there - the adrenaline rush soon hit them.

“Freya?”

“Liam? What are you doing here?” Liam couldn’t spit the words out- to inform her who was in resus.

“We came to look for you. Someone was following us- they tried to....”

“Sorry your majesty, but you need to sit in the relatives room with the others.”

“Frey...” Her colleagues forced Liam away, as she entered the room her heart sunk. Her body began to tremble.

Drake.

****

Love, fate, Destiny (Hiatus)

Drake received a text message- assuming it was Riley his smile soon faulted. Kiara. Excusing himself from the group he walked over to Kiara and Madeleine- scowling.

“What the fuck are you playing at?”

“She looks gorgeous doesn’t she, Drake? I personally think that Kiki could be a model too.”

“Did you like the photos, Drakey?”

“No Kiara, I didn’t. They have been deleted. Don’t ever text me again.”

“Why not Drake? You and Kiara could rekindle your relationship. You were never meant to be with Riley. She is a commoner- she isn’t one of us.”

“I’m a commoner, Madeleine! And she is worth so much more than you stuck up nobles!” Liam, Olivia and Maxwell heard the commotion and stormed up the the trio.

“Is there a problem, Drake?”

“No, Liam. Everything has been sorted. But I mean it Kiara- don’t ever speak to me again.”

“But we were good together, Drake.” Drake was about to respond with an insult but was interrupted by the heralds announcement. Liam and Olivia looked at each other bewildered- they wasn’t expecting anymore guests.

His Royal Highness Prince Leo, Lady Bethany Hughes of New York and Lady Riley Brooks-Walker.

****

Marshgate Prison

“Do you really want me?” He questioned, doubting himself about her intentions. Now he was in the real world, he believed that she could have any man in the city- someone who hadn’t been wrongly imprisoned.

“I’m sorry for my outburst at the bar. I was just so frustrated that I didn’t know the truth. I’ve missed you. Why are you asking?”

“I’ve spent a lot of time with Bartie, walking through the park- going to Times Square. I see all these handsome men, in their suits- going to work. Making a living. Having a life. When we slept together in the cell, I felt like the luckiest goddamn bastard in the world. That someone so amazing as you would look twice at me...”

“I chose you, even considering the circumstances.” Caressing his cheek, he placed his hand over hers- letting it linger for a moment.

“Go and sit on the couch, I’ll order some food. What do you fancy?”

“Anything’s going to be better than porridge.”

****

One Temptation

(From a future chapter)

“Alice, what are you doing here?” The girl wasn’t old enough to look after herself, Riley even panicked when walking the streets of New York. Assuming that Leo, had brought her- it was the only possible explanation.

“Daddy brought me, but I’ve lost him. He’s been drinking a lot. I just want my daddy back.”

“Where was he when you last saw him?” Alice pointed over towards the stairs that led up to the roof. Holding the girls hand, she made her way towards Drake and Leo explaining that she was going to find Liam who hadn’t even been invited to the event. Both men shook their head, providing each other with the same expression. They wondered why she would go out of her way to look for the man who had hurt her in the past far too many times.

“Don’t look at me like that, he’s not going to hurt me if Alice is with me. If I’m not back in five minutes- send a search party. I love you both.”

****

Return to New York (Hiatus)

Riley held Lissy tightly as they travelled in the SUV- not really having a life plan. Yes, Lissy wasn’t hers- but she was the reason that the little girl had lost her father. If she had stayed in Cordonia all those years ago, she wouldn’t be in this predicament. She wouldn’t have left her family that she unexpectedly gained during her time in the Mediterranean, she wouldn’t have met Harry.

Arriving at the location, she sighed as they exited the SUV. Taking the little girls hand- she knocked on the door, hoping she would be welcome.

“Hi..” Riley quietly said, almost like a whisper. “I have nowhere else to go. Can we stay a night or two until I get my head sorted?”

“What happened to running away again?”

“I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why?”

“Good job too. You belong here! We can’t lose you again.” Her friend pulled her in for a hug, promising that everything would be fine.

****

Cordonian Wags

“I don’t need to go to training, I can come with you. Leo said it would be fine.”

“Is Leo in charge now?” For the first time in two months, he saw a smile creep up onto her face.

“Well he’s captain, no one argues with the captain. It’s nice to see that smile again...” Blushing, she wanted to pull him in. To kiss the man that she loved with all of her heart.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, sorry. Drake?” Sitting next to her on the bed, he looked at her concerned.

“I love you with all of my heart, Walker....” Finally, Drake thought to himself. Hearing those words made him hold her tightly- not wanting to let her go.

“But what if it isn’t good news? I want us to work, but I also want you to be happy if I’m not here anymore...promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“If we are going to get through this, we can’t allow Kiara to come between us.” Or Madeleine, Drakes face grimaced before fixing a smile.

“I’ve already told you, I can retire now if I wanted. We can move.”

“Running away isn’t going to solve the issue. Our families are here.”

“Then we stay here, nothing will break us apart. I mean nothing at all...”

****

“Why Me?” and “What took you so long?”:

These two series are currently on hiatus for the foreseeable future- as I have no idea what I’m doing with them at the moment.👎🏻😞

****

Prompts:

Trapped in the house prompts 5. “No offense, but I am so tired of your face.”

Drake x Riley (The Unexpected Roommate)

“Can’t you go and work in your room? You’re too close to me!”

“My room is for sleeping in. Only. Don’t like it- go out. Oh... you can’t. So deal with it!”

Turning the tv up louder, she smirked to herself. Knowing that it was distracting him, she couldn’t resist.

“No, offense but I’m tired of your shit! Can’t you see that I’m trying to work?”

“No offense but I’m so tired of your face. Like, everywhere I go... you’re there! In my face. It’s annoying.”

“Go to your fucking old room, Riley. You’re pissing me off! In fact, I here by banish you to your room! Goodbye. See ya. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. Yasou. Adios.” Laughing to himself, he watched as she walked to the room. Watching her body tense, she turned around to face him- he jaw was clenching.

“You’re a fucking jerk! No wonder you insisted that I stay in the lounge! How stupid could I be?”

“Well if you didn’t fuck me after getting drunk yet again.... you’d be at Daniel’s and Maxwell’s where you actually live now. You’d actually have a bed to sleep in. You wouldn’t have to wear my clothes.”

“Well..... if you didn’t come to my bar with Leo....Get so rat arsed, flirt with me. Get me drunk. We wouldn’t be in this situation. If you didn’t turn my old room into a gym, I’d have somewhere to fucking sleep in these circumstances. At least if you got another roomie, I could share with them...”

“I never forced those drinks down your neck. You did that all by yourself. You put me off getting another roomie...” Gritting her teeth together, she allowed him to have the last word. Which was unlike her, usually she preferred to be the authoritative person. Walking over towards the kitchen, she put the kettle on. Retrieving her phone, she opened Spotify. Putting the volume on full belt, she played Queen. As she did that first night she suffered with Drake.

“Riley! Turn it fucking off!”

“Did you say something Drake? I can’t hear you....” Smirking, she wished that she told him to fuck right off the previous night at the bar.

****

Trapped in the house prompts 6. “I don’t even want to have sex anymore.”

Liam x Riley (Based on the characters from Hold On)

Walking back into the living area, Riley felt awful with how she had spoken to Liam. Watching him do a puzzle with his children, he seemed relaxed. Embracing the quality time he could spend with his family.

“Hey.”

“Are you feeling better, love?”

“I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m so fucking sorry. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship..”

“Mommy. What is sex? You said a bad word. Didn’t she daddy?”

“I didn’t. I said duck and ducking. Mommy really.. Erm. I really want to see the ducks. But I can’t. I’m so sorry, that we can’t go and see the ducks. I didn’t say a word beginning with S either Ayah. I said, erm... flex. Because daddy can’t go to the gym and flex his muscles.”

“He did this morning.”

“Yes, but he is so busy now with his meetings over the phone. Isn’t that right darling?”

“Of course, love. Ayah, I’m going to tuck you and Louis into bed. I’ll read you both a story. Say goodnight to Mommy.”

****

Rachel Green prompt list 17. “We would like more alcohol.” And 7. "We're supposed to start fun in 15 minutes."

Evie x Liam (We Belong- prequel)

Olivia and Evie ran out of the room, and into the larger ballroom. Scrutinising the room, Evie headed straight towards Leo and Bertrand, as Olivia headed towards the Bruleys.

“What are you doing here? You’re just a kid...”

“Your highness, I am a young lady. I’m fifteen. Anyway, your brother asked me to come...”

“Oh, did he now? I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t let you out of his sight. He’s been pining after you. So what’s the real reason that you’re here?”

“Guilty. It’s boring in there, I’ve only been in there a few seconds and I already want to go back to boarding school. Could you help us ‘kids’ have a bit of fun? Including alcohol?”

“No!”

“Bertrand I wasn’t asking you! Leo?”

“Sure. I mean come on Bertrand, stop being such an arse, we drank underage. I’ll be the distraction, and B can get you the booze. But you will all have to pretend that you’ve gone to bed. Do your drinking upstairs...”

“Deal. Bertrand?”

“Fine! But I’m not getting blamed for this...”

****

Ross Gellar prompt list 9. "My life is an embarrassment. I should just go live under somebody's stairs."

Maxwell, Drake, Willow and Sophie (both women belong to @pedudley)

Arriving at the supermarket, Drake instantly regretted agreeing to come. The first reason being, was when Maxwell handed them both a mask to wear. Like I’m really going to avoid catching germs with a bit of material. People were panic shopping, overfilling their trollies. Maxwell grabbed a trolley, he pushed it forward before leaping onto it over dramatically.

“Wahoo! Supermarket sweep- here we come!” Willow screamed with excitement trying to catch up with Max. Fucking children, Drake murmured to himself- keeping a distance, he dodged people barging past him.

“Buddy! You’ve already got five packs of toilet rolls! This one is mine.” Maxwell snapped at the stranger whilst playing tug of war. Willow ran over to assist him, Drake believed that she would calm the situation down. Checking his phone, he had hoped that the two of them would grab the ‘essentials’ that Max had insisted they needed and they could quickly escape the nightmare he was living in.

“Excuse me? Do you know that man and woman?” Drake turned to the man, wondering why concern was painted across his face. Facing Willow and Maxwell his eyes widened.

“Nope. Never seen them before in my life. I think that they have been released from the psychiatric hospital by the looks of it.”

****

17. “You’re going to permanently fuse with the couch at this rate.”

Drake x Evie (We Belong)

“Jesus, Evie. How long have you been laid there?”

“Six hours, four minutes...”

“Why didn’t you come and get me? I could have joined you.”

“I needed some alone time. I’m depressed. But Ben and Jerry kept me company.” Drake already knew this, the food wrappers surrounding her on the couch was the slight giveaway.

“You’re going to permanently fuse with the couch at this rate.” He said sarcastically, before joining her.

“So? If we can’t get married on the day that we planned, I may as well work my way through the fridge and watch Netflix. I refuse to leave the couch until I’ve finished binge watching a series. Nothing better to do. Then, I’ll go on a diet just to make sure I can still fit in my dress.”

“You could turn up to the wedding in a bin bag, and you’d still be the most beautiful woman in the world.”

32 notes · View notes

bebepac · 5 years

Text

Falling Apart

This is chapter 5 of The Life of Riley. If you need to catch up , please click

HERE

All characters in this chapter are my own characters.

I also used @god-save-the-keen prompt list: Joey Tribbiani # 50 “I am pretty wisdomous” will appear in bold

Word count: 1793

Summary: Jason and Ren find out heart wrenching news that they have lost their son in utero.

Warnings: Miscarriage, pregnancy loss due to fall sadness , depression, angst, light profanity.

Always forgive any typos.

If you enjoy my storytelling please feel free to like and reblog :) and if you would like to be on or off my tag list holla :)

@dcbbw @janezillow @kacie-0156 @queenjilian @kingliam2019 @glaimtruelovealways @annekebbphotography @lodberg @kimmiedoo5 @hopefulmoonobject @queencordonia @bbrandy2002 @texaskitten30 @kaitycole @custaroonie @camersworld @my0123456789universe @the-soot-sprite

Jason’s boss drove him to Ren’s hospital as fast as he could with the weather.

“Rain is just melted snow and people are losing their minds, Lawson, I mean what the hell!!!”

“You said it brother.”

Please let them be okay Jason thought in his head the whole way over to the hospital.

He walked into the room finding Ren sitting there in the bed in tears.

“Ren what happened?”

“I got nauseated and dizzy and fell down the stairs. I should have just waited for the elevator, and I didn’t.”

Jason pulled Ren to him hugging her. “And i haven’t felt the baby kick since I fell, and i’m so scared.”

“Hey we’re fighters so is our baby. We’re gonna all be just fine,” he said confidently. He prayed for his sake he was right.

“Dr. Abernathy is on her way right now, I’m her tech Julie. She wanted to see if I could get some images of the baby in the meantime. Does that sound ok?”

Lauren and Jason nodded. Ren lifted her scrub top to reveal her stomach.

“Those weren’t the ones you left the house in.”

“Ugh don’t even ask. A kid puked on me, I almost puked on the kid, it was an ordeal.”

The tech turned on the machine, she looked at the monitor. They all did with bated breath.

“Is he ok?” Jason asked.

She moved the wand around.

“There he is!” the tech said proudly. Typing a few things on the screen. But what happened next wasn’t what they expected.

They expected the whooshing sound of the baby’s heartbeat that always filled the room. There was nothing but silence.

“Is it on?” Jason was starting to get worried. He looked at Ren. Her eyes were tightly clenched shut.

The tech turned off the monitor, “Maybe it’s best we just wait for Dr. Abernathy to get here.”

She touched Ren’s hand, “She’ll be here shortly.”

When she closed the door behind her, Ren finally let out the sob she was holding in.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s going to be ok. She was just a tech. She had no clue what she was doing. Dr. Abernathy will be here soon, and everything will be ok.”

She never wished so hard that she could believe something Jason said as much as she could at this moment. But the truth was… it wasn’t ok.

Dr. Abernathy came in a few minutes later with Ren’s chart and a somber look on her face.

“Ren?”

She opened her eyes to look at Dr. Abernathy.

You understand what’s going on?”

Tears welled in her eyes as she nodded. “Yes I understand.”

“I need to check you to confirm.”

“What’s happening?” Jason whispered. Deep down he knew, but he didn’t want to admit. Admitting his worst fear in this situation would be making it real.

Dr. Abernathy turned on the ultrasound machine. She grabbed Jason’s hand.

She gently placed the wand on her stomach and began to move it around. Immediately she had an image of the baby.

Jason gave her hand a soft squeeze back in reassurance. There’s our baby boy. Jason thought. It still wasn’t right. The look that passed between Dr. Abernathy and Ren.

She turned off the ultrasound machine. Ren’s grip on Jason’s hand turned painfully tight.

“Jason, Ren, my tech was able to get an image of the baby, as have I, but i’m sorry to tell you this, neither of us can detect a fetal heartbeat. The baby did not survive the fall. I’m so sorry.”

Lauren let out a wailing scream, that the only thing Jason knew to do was to hold Lauren while she sobbed hysterically in his arms. Tears pooled in his eyes. He had to be the strong one for her, though he felt like his heart had been broken in two. He flinched every time Lauren screamed. He closed his eyes, and kept whispering to her. “I’m here. We’ll be ok Lauren, I promise. We’ll get through this.”

A nurse came in with a syringe. Lauren saw her coming and knew sweet relief was coming from this nightmare for a few hours. It was almost immediately after the injection Lauren fell into a calming sleep. Her facial expressions that had been so tense the past few hours had finally relaxed.

Jason exhaled a shaky breath.

“Is there anything you need?” Dr. Abernathy asked him.

“I need…….. I need a minute to process what just happened…. How long will she sleep?”

“A few hours.”

He walked down the hallways feeling numb. One minute they were celebrating, the next minute they had lost their son. They were just too happy. For people like Jason and Ren, being too happy in life always seemed like it invited disaster.

As he walked by the waiting room he noticed officers from his precinct. He wondered what had happened. Lawson, who had driven him to the hospital so many hours earlier, stood up.

“Seeing Jason’s confusion, he said, “We’re here for you brother.”

The others stood as well.

“How’s Ren?”

“She’s sedated.”

“How’s your son……?”

“He didn’t…….he…. He…. “ Jason finally began to cry. Lawson hugged him.

“I’m so very sorry.”

Looking around the room at all the officers that had come and gathered in solidarity for the two of them was the most somber, yet supportive thing Jason had experienced in his life.

“Thank you for supporting us. I know Ren would appreciate it.”

Jason was at Ren’s side when she finally woke up.

His eyes were red, and slowly she remembered the events of the past few hours. Lauren’s eyes teared up again. “I’m right here," Jason’s voice was strong and secure, soothing Ren.

“I want to name him,” she whispered. “ I want to name him so he knows, he had a family here who loved him even though………. he never got the chance to meet us.”

Over the next few minutes they decided on the name Jaiden Anthony Brooks.

Dr. Abernathy came back into the room a little bit later and explained the next procedure that would take place, to end the pregnancy.

“Is there anything else you need before we discharge you for the night?”

“Can we get a last picture of him…. Of Jaiden before tomorrow’s procedure, before he’s truly gone?”

“Of course,” Dr. Abernathy obliged turning on the ultrasound machine again. Finally Jason broke down in front of Ren. She had never heard him cry before.

“Why did this have to happen to us, Dr. Abernathy? We’re good people. We work hard. We wanted this, we wanted Jaiden so much. We tried two years for him. Just to lose him. It’s not fair. And the people who are terrible parents keep having truckloads of kids, and the people who would do right by their child… “

Ren hugged her husband as they cried for the loss of their son together.

“Sometimes, some things are not for us on this side to understand,” Dr. Abernathy said softly.

“I’ll go get your car. Do you remember where you parked?”

“The staff parking lot Jason.” Lauren snapped at him.

“I’ll find it.”

“I’ll show you where the staff parking lot is,” and besides I'll show you the shortcut, that only staff members can use.”

“Thanks Dr. Abernathy.”

“Don’t take her snapping at you to heart. She doesn’t mean it.”

“I know.”

“Well the good news is we’re here… I just don’t know what level she parked on.”

“No it’s good, I see her. This one’s her’s, she’s just gonna lose her shit, that i have to adjust everything to drive it, which is why we don’t drive each other’s cars.”

“You sound exactly like my husband. he knows.” Dr. Abernathy chuckled.

“Thank you for being there for us today.”

“You’re very welcome, and I’m so sorry this time didn’t work out for you two. Don’t give up okay? You two would make very loving parents someday.”

“Thank you.”

He pulled out front waiting for Lauren.

“Are you hungry? I could stop for takeout. It’s too late to try to get dinner started.”

Silence from Ren.

“Maybe Chinese? You think from the place you like?”

Ren still said nothing. Staring blankly ahead at the road.

“Ren did you hear me?”

“I heard you. Whatever. Get it, don’t get it I don’t care.” She snapped at him.

“You need to eat Ren. You have to be hungry by now.”

“Why does it matter so much? It’s only me now.”

“Because you matter to me. I love and care about you, and because I can’t lose you too Ren.”

She whispered something.. That he couldn’t hear.

“What?”

“You blame me.”

“WHAT?!?!?!? REN?!!?!?! GOD!!! NOOOO!!!!” Jason jerked the wheel slamming on the breaks pulling Ren’s small SUV over in the highway median.

“This was an accident Ren. A horrible terrible accident that I don't blame you for.”

“You have to blame me.”

“Why are you so sure of this?”

“I BLAME ME!!! THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!!! I KILLED OUR BABY. I SHOULD HAVE JUST WAITED FOR THE ELEVATOR.”

He wasn’t getting through to her, at all. If he said what he was thinking, it could blow up in his face, but he was out of options. So he decided to do it.

“You know what, you’re right Ren.”

“What?” he could hear the confusion in her voice.

“Yeah, you go up and down stairs at our house every day, multiple times of the day, and i let you think that was okay. I should have been carrying you up and down those stairs every time, to protect our baby.”

“But how would you know, something like that would happen?”

BINGO…

“That’s right Ren, how would you know something like that would happen?”

Ren was stunned into silence.

“I don’t want to hear you ever say that again Lauren, I mean it. Any of that. This was not your fault. It was a horrible horrible accident Okay?”

Ren nodded. “Decent use of reverse psychology by the way.”

Jason looked at her smiling, and she knew right in that second why she had fallen in love with him. He was trying so hard to hold up a brave front for her, even though she could still see the sadness in his eyes too.

" I am pretty wisdomous.”

A small smile emerged on Ren’s lips. Albeit small, but visible. Jason saw it as a tiny victory considering the day from hell they had. And tomorrow would be just as bad he was sure.

“Can we go get food now?

If he wanted food that’s what she was going to do. He always fought for her, ever since the moment they met.

“Yes let’s grab some Chinese on the way home.”

#trr #trr fanfic #trr fandom #trr riley #trr mc #riley parents #before trr #cordonia #new york #riley b #play choices #the royal romance

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englishstrawbie · 2 years

Note

For the lyric prompt thingie :)

"Used to wear my sadness like a choker, yeah, it had me by the throat. Tonight, I feel I'm draped in it like a loose garment: I just let it flow..."

Loose Garment by MUNA

Lucy/Kate

Lucy leaving her appointment with the Kahuna, maybe? Idk this one always gives me "breakup era Kacy" vibes.

Thank you for this prompt! It was interesting to get inside of Lucy's head in those sad and angst-filled days, when we're used to seeing them so happy right now. Quite the challenge and I enjoyed it! I hope I did it justice. 😊

A link to the song

>>>>>

It’s early afternoon when Lucy steps out of the small shack, the sun at its brightest and warming everything it touches. It wraps around her like a blanket and she is grateful for the comfort it brings. Today was her third session with the Kahuna, and she has found each one opening her up a little bit more. It is not easy for her and she is left feeling exposed, a vulnerability she doesn’t like and usually tries to avoid.

But not this time.

She would never tell Ernie this, but he was right about the Kahuna. Her visits to him have been positive and she is working through the grief she feels at the end of her relationship. At the way it ended, and how it was snatched from her just as she was falling in love. It took a while for her to lean into the Kahuna’s practices and she still finds some of what he says a little kooky, but he is slowly teaching her to embrace it all, to let herself feel sad and angry and heartbroken instead of burying it deep inside and pretending like it doesn’t matter.

Because it does matter.

Abandoning her car, Lucy wanders across the street towards the water. She has no intention of stepping foot on the sand, of course, but the beach will be busy, full of day trippers and holidaymakers, and she isn’t ready to go home to a silent apartment just yet. She grabs a cup of shaved ice from a nearby cart, choosing a pineapple topping – a subtle defiance to Kate’s dislike for the fruit – and finds an empty bench to sit on.

Leaning back, Lucy looks out across the water at the bodies swimming through the waves and the boards that bob up and down on the surf. She inhales deeply, taking in the smell of the sand and sea – familiar to anyone who lives on a tropical island, but stirring new memories now. Of being roused on a Saturday morning with salty kisses, of droplets of seawater falling onto her chest, of unwanted grains of sand making their way into the bed.

It causes Lucy to feel overwhelmed with a loneliness that threatens to bring tears to her eyes. She blinks them back, even though she knows the Kahuna would tell her to let them fall, because she’s still Lucy Tara and she isn’t someone who cries in public over a broken heart. She doesn’t fight the ache in her heart though, instead letting herself feel sad until it is ready to subside.

Her cup of shaved ice is starting to melt in the heat and Lucy takes a bite, enjoying the sweetness of the syrup. She still remembers the look on Kate’s face when she had presented her with breakfast, only to turn her nose up at the way the juice from the pineapple had – in Kate’s words – infected all the other fruits and pastries on the plate. She still remembers the way Kate had tipped her head back and laughed when Lucy had pointed out that this is why it pays to make too much food for breakfast, because at least she’d have options.

God, she misses that laugh and the way Kate’s face lights up when she smiles.

Lucy hasn’t seen her since her apology in the bullpen and she is pretty sure that Kate is avoiding coming by, despite being the FBI’s NCIS liaison. She sometimes finds herself listening out for the sound of clipped heels on the hard floor or waiting for the waft of floral perfume that gives away her presence – disappointed when it doesn’t come. She berates herself for craving her company, tells herself it makes her weak, but the Kahuna is teaching her that it is okay to miss her and that forgiveness is the first step towards healing.

She wants to heal.

With the sun getting stronger, Lucy wipes her brow and stands up, throwing her empty cup into the nearby trashcan and heading to her car. It is like she is on autopilot as she drives the familiar coastal road to the tall apartment block that she knows so well. She pulls into an empty parking space outside and takes the elevator to the twelfth floor.

Pausing outside the door, her bravery wavers a little, but she forces herself to lift her hand and knock sharply three times.

There is a patter of bare feet on hard wooden floors and the click of the lock, and she braces herself as the door opens.

“Lucy.” Kate’s voice is full of surprise and she shakes her head, confused. “What are you doing here?”

“I forgive you,” Lucy says, the words falling from her mouth before she can stop them.

Kate stares at her, dumbfounded at her unexpected visit, and Lucy feels the need to fill the silence.

“You said you were sorry and I… I forgive you,” Lucy says.

With those three words, she feels some of the weight of her grief lift: the first step to healing.

“You do?”

Lucy nods. “I don’t wanna be mad any more, it’s too hard,” she admits. “And we still have to work together, right?”

Kate smiles – a quick upturn of lips that never reaches her eyes, which have always given away everything she is feeling. There is an awkwardness between them that Lucy wishes wasn’t there but she can’t bring herself to let down all the walls she has built up since the last time she was at this door. It is going to take a lot more sessions with the Kahuna before she is able to do that.

“Well, I should go,” Lucy says. “I guess I’ll see you at Pearl?”

“Yeah, I need to stop by and see Tennant on Monday,” Kate says.

Monday. At least Lucy will be prepared when she shows up.

She turns and starts to walk towards the elevator, pausing when Kate calls out her name.

‘Don’t say it,’ she thinks to herself. She remembers how close Kate was to declaring her love that night in the bullpen and Lucy had cut her off, knowing it is the one thing that might make her crumble; and she doesn’t want that. She holds her breath and turns.

“Thank you,” is all Kate says.

Lucy exhales slowly, before offering her a half-smile, the best she can do in the circumstances.

“I’ll see you, Kate.”

#ncis hawai'i #ncis hawaii #lucy tara #kate whistler #ncis hawai'i fanfiction #whateverwhatevs #february lyric prompt challenge #my fanfiction

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cerealbath · 5 years

Note

Prompt I have a weakness for tipsy/drunk Rhink.

hmmmm

Link glares at the camera in front of him. It’s not on.

They’d been at the after party for hours; the steady beats from the DJ hummed under their feet. Link shimmied his hips somewhere in the flood of people. Rhett was missing, again, but those green eyes would always return.

“Link? Ready?” Kacie taps the top of her camera, drawing Link’s reluctant attention.

He wants to say no, Rhett isn’t here yet, they can’t start filming. But this is for a thumbnail, so he has no excuse as he contorts his face like he has just seen something impossibly gross. He can’t remember what video they’re filming today.

Rhett showed up under the morphing fluorescent lights with his shirt untucked and a button too many undone. He crowded against Link and his breath smelled like Hennessy. Link let it happen and, more drunk than he had been in years, let Rhett grab his waist and lean in close to tell him a secret.

“Hey,”

At some point it registered in Link’s mind that Rhett had no intention to tell Link anything at all. His breath was warm against Link’s neck. Guilty.

Rhett finally slides into his seat behind desk, his hair curling back on itself.

“Hey,” Rhett huffs.

Link tries to respond but his throat closes up before he can begin to turn and look at his co-host. He reaches out for his water glass and it’s empty. “Stevie,” He chokes.

Link dug his fingers into the soft pockets of warmth around Rhett’s hips. It felt like home, there, where Rhett’s hips blended into the beginnings of warm thighs. Rhett laughed and Link felt it more than he heard it, his face pressed against Rhett’s chest as his fingers crept lower.

Rhett scooped Link up with the flats of his hands, his entire body pliant as he was placed upon the bathroom counter.

“Hey,” Link shoved Rhett back because he needed the space to breathe. “You’re drunk,”

Rhett laughed, laughed and laughed. He leaned into Link, and subsequently, dragged Link’s jeans to his knees.

Link swallows hard as he stares at the script. He watches the crew adjust cameras and the blocking for props. Thankfully, it is just the two of them on camera today. But maybe a guest would have been a good distraction.

“What’s with you today?” Someone murmurs, or maybe it’s his imagination.

“Can we get this over with?” Link forces a laugh, unable to keep the tremble out of his voice. The skin on his cheeks flare beneath the bright studio lights.

A red light blinks one, two, three and someone snaps their fingers. Music plays.

Heavy pop music thudded outside the door as Link moaned, vicious and unafraid. Rhett had him pinned to the wall over the sink. Somewhere in Link’s subconscious, he registered the brass sink faucet tapping his spine with every thrust, tap, tap, tap.

Their fingers were laced together above them, sliding across the cold mirror as they moved together. Link grinned into a sloppy kiss, eyes screwed shut. It’s hot in here, Link thought.

“Stop!” Link shouts, skidding the chair back and throwing up his damp palms. “It’s too goddamn hot in here, can somebody-” He stops, closes his eyes and presses his index and thumb to the bridge of his nose. “Sorry.”

When he opens his eyes, he sees his wounded best friend staring at him.

“Link,” Rhett breathes. He doesn’t want to do this in front of everyone.

Link’s fingers were tangled in Rhett’s thicker-than-usual curls when he came. His mouth hung open as he gasped and whined, coming across his stomach as Rhett’s length grazed his prostate once again.

“Baby,” Rhett had said.

Baby, Link’s mind had echoed.

Rhett came inside of him, Rhett’s forehead dropping to Link’s shoulder as he milked himself dry, his hips chasing the feeling even after he’s done. For a second, they just breathed.

They just breathed.

“I don’t feel well,” Link has to look away from Rhett, his eyes burn with tears. Someone shoves his mythical barf bucket into his hands and he takes it.

“Come on, we’ll film later. Sorry,” Rhett stands, puts a hand on Link’s shoulder in a way that’s supposed to make any of this better.

“Don’t touch my shoulder,” Link snaps. His eyes ache. Rhett’s face falls.

Rhett flattened his shirt with his damp hands and tucked himself back into his jeans. Link sat on the counter, his bare ass on a stranger’s bathroom counter. He blinked, watching Rhett do up his belt.

“Need help?” Rhett had asked.

Link shook his head, used his numb fingers to push himself off the counter. A soreness between his legs made him wince. He didn’t feel drunk anymore.

Link feels hollow from the pounding behind his eyes to the lingering feeling below. He figures he’s just tired. It has to be that. It must. He goes to the parking lot and climbs into his car. Safe.

Rhett gives him about ten minutes before the passenger door is swinging open and a 6’7 man is sliding in. He grabs the lever under the seat and slides it back farther.

“Go away,” Link whimpers, slapping a pale hand over his mouth in disgust with himself.

“Can we talk about what happened?” Rhett pleads.

Rhett re-joined the party, clapping Link’s shoulder before exiting the bathroom. Because, after all, that was the plan: leave one at a time to not arouse suspicion. But Link couldn’t.

He busied himself finding a washcloth and wetting it, waiting for the water to run warm for far too long before he dampened it and began wiping his stomach off. Then, his face. He buttoned his shirt.

There was cum on the countertop. Wipe Wipe Wipe.

He was able to bill the Carey’s for a full bathroom cleaning by the time he composed himself enough to leave the bathroom. Every inch of him buzzed in the suddenly too-constricting clothes.

“I can’t,” Link sobs, “I can’t.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Rhett begins to reach out but stalls. “We can forget about it, okay? A fluke. Nobody needs to know.”

Link grits his teeth as another sob escapes. He scrubs at his face. “I can’t. I can’t forget.”

“We can tell Christy and Jessie tonight then, okay? Together.”

“No!” Link roars, baring his teeth at Rhett. “You don’t get it! You don’t get it, Rhett.”

“Clearly,” Rhett gives up, slumping back against the car seat. “Sorry it was so bad.”

“Rhett,” Link swallows, reaches out to fist Rhett’s hand, squeeze too hard against Rhett’s knuckles. “It was so good. So good. It confirmed what I never, ever wanted to face. And I was so close to making it to old age without ever-” His voice breaks. “Ever having to do that.”

“Link,” Rhett raises his eyebrows, watches his best friend break down beside him.

“I’m so in love with you, brother. I’m so fucked,” Link laughs this time, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands.

Rhett presses his lips together and says, “Maybe don’t call me brother when you’re saying stuff like that.”

Link laughs wildly. “Yeah? Sorry. I’m in love with you, Rhett. Better?”

Rhett grins. “Yeah, much.”

Rhett leans over to take Link’s puffy face in his hands and presses their lips together slowly. Link hesitates, his heartbeat murderous against his ribcage. He forgets how to breathe as Rhett’s lips move over his own.

Link couldn’t think for the rest of the night. He took an Uber home and let himself in the garage with shaky hands. Sunday meant nothing to him. He lied in bed and dreaded the cold return of Monday morning. Every repressed feeling from thirty-five years of friendship flooded his veins.

Maybe it’s a good thing, his mind dared to suggest, causing Link to inhale sharply. He talked himself down with tight lungs, reminded himself that nothing could ruin a friendship this strong. Rhett is a great guy, he wouldn’t hurt you. Everything will be okay.

“Now,” Rhett moves away but keeps his palms on Link’s jawline. “Let’s tell our wives tonight. They’re smarter than us, remember? I wanted it to happen. I waited so long, Link. So long. So let’s do this, okay? Now breathe out, Link. Breathe out.”

Link exhaled.

Link exhales.

#rhink #fic request #hmmmmmmm #wren writes

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littlesolo · 3 years

Text

New Kacy Fic Question

So, I have a new fic started based on a prompt I got. (I'm always open for prompts). The fic has grown past what I thought it would be. It now has more than one chapter...

What I need help with is knowing whether you want me to post the whole story at once or post the first chapter now... I'm currently working on the second one and know where the story is going. Have it all figured out so the next chapters should be up soon.

Which do you prefer???

Answer in replies???

#kacy #kacy fic #kate x lucy #kate whistler #lucy tara

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tlatollotl · 6 years

Link

Of all the places to discover a lost city, this pleasing little community seems an unlikely candidate.

There are no vine-covered temples or impenetrable jungles here — just an old-fashioned downtown, a drug store that serves up root beer floats and rambling houses along shady brick lanes.

Yet there’s always been something — something just below the surface.

Locals have long scoured fields and river banks for arrowheads and bits of pottery, amassing huge collections. Then there were those murky tales of a sprawling city on the Great Plains and a chief who drank from a goblet of gold.

A few years ago, Donald Blakeslee, an anthropologist and archaeology professor at Wichita State University, began piecing things together. And what he’s found has spurred a rethinking of traditional views on the early settlement of the Midwest, while potentially filling a major gap in American history.

Using freshly translated documents written by the Spanish conquistadors more than 400 years ago and an array of high-tech equipment, Blakeslee located what he believes to be the lost city of Etzanoa, home to perhaps 20,000 people between 1450 and 1700.

They lived in thatched, beehive-shaped houses that ran for at least five miles along the bluffs and banks of the Walnut and Arkansas rivers. Blakeslee says the site is the second-largest ancient settlement in the country after Cahokia in Illinois.

On a recent morning, Blakeslee supervised a group of Wichita State students excavating a series of rectangular pits in a local field.

Jeremiah Perkins, 21, brushed dirt from a half-buried black pot.

Others sifted soil over screened boxes, revealing arrowheads, pottery and stone scrapers used to thin buffalo hides.

Blakeslee, 75, became intrigued by Etzanoa after scholars at UC Berkeley retranslated in 2013 the often muddled Spanish accounts of their forays into what is now Kansas. The new versions were more cogent, precise and vivid.

“I thought, ‘Wow, their eyewitness descriptions are so clear it’s like you were there.’ I wanted to see if the archaeology fit their descriptions,” he said. “Every single detail matched this place.”

Kacie Larsen of Wichita State University shakes dirt through a screened box to see what artifacts may emerge. David Kelly / For The Times

Conquistadors are often associated with Mexico, but a thirst for gold drove them into the Midwest as well.

Francisco Vazquez de Coronado came to central Kansas in 1541 chasing stories of a fabulously wealthy nobleman who napped beneath trees festooned with tinkling gold bells. He found no gold, but he did find Native Americans in a collection of settlements he dubbed Quivira.

In 1601, Juan de Oñate led about 70 conquistadors from the Spanish colony of New Mexico into south-central Kansas in search of Quivira in the hopes of finding gold, winning converts for the Catholic Church and extracting tribute for the crown.

According to Spanish records, they ran into a tribe called the Escanxaques, who told of a large city nearby where a Spaniard was allegedly imprisoned. The locals called it Etzanoa.

As the Spaniards drew near, they spied numerous grass houses along the bluffs. A delegation of Etzanoans bearing round corn cakes met them on the river bank. They were described as a sturdy people with gentle dispositions and stripes tattooed from their eyes to their ears. It was a friendly encounter until the conquistadors decided to take hostages. That prompted the entire city to flee.

Oñate’s men wandered the empty settlement for two or three days, counting 2,000 houses that held eight to 10 people each. Gardens of pumpkins, corn and sunflowers lay between the homes.

The Spaniards could see more houses in the distance, but they feared an Etzanoan attack and turned back.

That’s when they were ambushed by 1,500 Escanxaques. The conquistadors battled them with guns and cannons before finally withdrawing back to New Mexico, never to return.

This bluff overlooks the spot where many believe Spanish conquistador Juan de Oñate met a delegation of Etzanoans. David Kelly / For The Times

French explorers arrived a century later but found nothing. Disease likely wiped out Etzanoa, leaving it to recede into legend.

Blakeslee enlisted the help of the National Park Service, which used a magnetometer to detect variations in the earth’s magnetic field and find features around town that looked like homes, storage pits and places where fires were started.

Then, relying on descriptions from the conquistadors, he discovered what he believes was the battle site in an upscale neighborhood of Arkansas City.

Volunteers using metal detectors found three half-inch iron balls under the field. Blakeslee said they were 17th century Spanish cartridge shot fired from a cannon. A Spanish horseshoe nail was also found.

It all lent credibility to the detailed accounts left by the conquistadors.

The battlefield sits in Warren “Hap” McLeod’s backyard.

“It’s a great story,” he said. “There was a lost city right under our noses.”

McLeod, 71, offered a quick tour of the area.

He started at Camp Quaker Haven overlooking the spot where Oñate would have encountered the Etzanoans. McLeod then drove up to the country club, the highest point in the city of roughly 12,500 people.

“Lots of artifacts have been taken from here,” McLeod said.

In 1994, thousands of relics were unearthed during road construction. In 1959, the renowned archaeologist Waldo Wedel wrote in his classic book, “An Introduction to Kansas Archeology,” that the valley floor and bluffs here “were littered with sherds, flints, and other detritus” that went on for miles.

“Now we know why,” McLeod said. “There were 20,000 people living here for over 200 years.”

Local rancher Jason Smith, 47, said he had seen collections “that would blow your mind.”

“Truckloads of stuff,” he said. “Worked stone tools, flints. One guy had 100 boxes at his house.”

Russell Bishop, 66, worked at the country club as a kid.

“My boss had an entire basement full of pottery and all kinds of artifacts,” he recalled. “We’d be out there working and he would recognize a black spot on the ground as an ancient campfire site.”

Bishop, who now lives outside Denver, has coffee cans full of arrowheads. He spread some on his counter.

“I don’t think anyone knew how big this all was,” he said. “I’m glad they’re finally getting to the bottom of it.”

Kansas State Archaeologist Robert Hoard said that based on the Spanish accounts and the evidence of a large settlement, it’s “plausible” that Blakeslee has found Etzanoa.

Still, he would like more evidence.

The early Great Plains had long been imagined as a vast empty space populated by nomadic tribes following buffalo herds. But if Blakeslee is right, at least some of the tribes were urban. They built large towns, raised crops, made fine pottery, processed bison on a massive scale and led a settled existence. There were trade connections all the way to the Aztec capital Tenochtitlan in Mexico.

"So this was not some remote place. The people traded and lived in huge communities," Blakeslee said. "Everything we thought we knew turns out to be wrong. I think this needs a place in every schoolbook."

And that may just be the beginning. Blakeslee has found archaeological evidence in Rice and McPherson counties for other large settlements extending for miles, which he believes existed around the same time as Etzanoa.

He has published his findings in the peer-reviewed journal Plains Anthropologist, and next spring he will present his evidence for Etzanoa at the annual meeting of the Society for American Archaeology. A bigger excavation is planned for next summer.

The Wichita Nation, based three hours south in Anadarko, Okla., is watching all of this carefully. Experts believe the Etzanoans were their ancestors.

“The accounts of Oñate and Coronado have been interpreted for years,” said Gary McAdams, cultural program planner and historic preservation officer for the Wichita and Affiliated Tribes, which number about 3,300. “We had a suspicion it was settled like this, but now it’s starting to be documented, which makes it feel more real.”

In the meantime, Arkansas City is trying to determine how to promote its new claim to fame. Etzanoa remains mostly underground or on private land. Yet that hasn’t deterred interest.

“We get about 10 calls a day to see the lost city,” said Pamela Crain, director of the Convention & Visitors Bureau. “The vision is to have a visitors center. The other key is to persuade landowners to allow people onto their property.”

Professor Donald Blakeslee of Wichita State University shows a black pot unearthed by student Jeremiah Perkins, behind him. David Kelly / For The Times

Russell Bishop still has the arrowheads he collected as a kid in Arkansas City. David Kelly / For The Times

Limited tours began last spring, focusing on key historical and archaeological sites. Town leaders are hoping for a UNESCO World Heritage site designation.

Back at the dig site, all eyes were on Jeremiah Perkins as he lifted the hefty black potsherd from the dirt.

Blakeslee dropped into the pit for a closer look. It was the largest artifact of the summer, perhaps 12 inches high.

“That’s a nice big cooking pot,” he exclaimed.

Yet many mysteries remain about the people of Etzanoa.

“How were they organized? How did they farm the bluffs? How did they maximize bison herds?” Blakeslee asked. “The questions go on and on and on.”

And the thought of that made him smile.

#archaeology #native american #history #etzanoa #kansas #spanish #conquistador #Wichita State University #arkansas river #walnut river #cahokia #Quivira #Wichita Nation #Arkansas City

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staystrange · 7 years

Text

if we were a movie

“Hey, imagine if someone made a movie about us.”

“That’s crazy, that would never happen.”

-or-

Bram finally gets to take Simon out on that movie date.

As I'm sure you all know, the title comes from that one Hannah Montana song. Also, this was written before I saw the movie, so there are no movie spoilers in this whatsoever : )

read on: ao3 | ffnet | wattpad

Simon wasn’t lying when he’d told Bram that he didn’t like movies.

He just didn’t want to become one of those cliche couples that makes out in the movie theater and doesn’t actually watch the movie. Especially because they could never make out in public and get away with it. Not in Georgia, at least, not yet.

But while Bram couldn’t argue with Simon’s logic the night of the talent show (“Why would I want to watch other people kissing when I could be kissing you?”), he’d still insisted on taking Simon out on a proper date.

“Come on, Si, I’ll make sure it’s the most adorable movie ever, one that’s worthy of your viewership.”

“I don’t know, Bram, do we have to always be the most cliche couple in the entire world?”

Bram laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling in that super adorable way they always did, and Simon couldn’t help but kiss him gently, his eyes falling shut as their lips connected and smiles formed on both of their faces.

A few minutes and many kisses later, they broke apart, Simon leaning his forehead against Bram’s, their noses bumping into each other awkwardly for a moment before fitting together perfectly. “Don’t think this gets you out of seeing a movie with me,” Bram whispered, and Simon fake-pouted for a moment until he wasn’t able to hold back his smile and his laughter anymore.

“Simon, seriously.” Bram put his hands on Simon’s shoulders to get his attention, sliding them down his arms and resting them in Simon’s hands. “We’ve never been on a real date, and I really want to take you out.”

“Our Oreo lunch date wasn’t a date?” Simon smirked.

“Si, you know what I mean.” Bram thought for a moment, his eyes still on Simon. “What if I told you that we’ll go for a nice dinner first and that I’ll buy us mini Oreos to eat during the movie? And we can even get some Oreo ice cream afterwards if you want.”

Simon was tempted to keep being a major tease, but he just had to give in. He smiled, and he saw Bram noticeably deflate, obviously expecting Simon to find yet another reason to say no.

“You had me at Oreos,” Simon said, and the joy that bloomed on Bram’s face was worth all of it. Bram pulled Simon to him by their interlocked hands and gave him a huge hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he rested his arms around Simon’s neck.

“Thank you, babe,” Bram said. “I promise, I’ll make sure you enjoy this date.”

“Even if the movie sucks and all of the ice cream shops are closed by the time we leave the theater, this won’t suck as long as I’m with you.”

Bram blushed. “You’re cute.”

“Yeah, well, you’re hot, so I think I win here.”

“Shut up.” Bram blushed even more, smiling so wide he could outshine the sun.

“Never,” Simon whispered.

———

On the night of their First Official Date, as Bram called it, Simon could not figure out what to wear. His whole wardrobe was spread out all over his bed, spilling onto the already messy floor. He’d never realized it before, but he owned a heck of a lot of striped shirts and plain block colored button-down shirts, with the one exception of the Elliot Smith shirt. He’d just worn that shirt to school the other day for their three-week anniversary (Leah had sworn that “she was going to vomit rainbows all over the place.” Her words, not Simon’s.) and it wasn’t nice enough for this date anyway. He wanted something nice, but not too nice; after all, the movie theater in Shady Creek was, to put it nicely, not the most sanitary.

“Nora,” Simon called, hoping that she didn’t have her headphones in because there was no way she’d hear him if she did. “Can you help me with something?”

A minute later, she appeared in his doorway, leaning with her back against the frame and her arms crossed over her chest. “What’s up?” she asked, though by the way her eyes flicked around his room and the smirk on her face, he figured she already knew the answer to her question.

“I can’t figure out what to wear for my date with Bram,” he mumbled, determined not to give her the satisfaction of seeing him blush.

“And you’re asking me, the only person in this family who has never been on a date, for help?”

“Well, Alice isn’t here and there’s no way in hell I’m asking Mom and Dad, so that leaves you.” They both went silent for a moment, looking around the clothes spread around Simon’s room. “Please?”

“Fine. I’ll do my best.” Nora took a moment to look at each shirt and each pair of pants, trying various combinations until she finally stepped back, satisfied. “Okay, these should work.”

Simon stepped up next to her to look at her selection. In a small space cleared on his bed, Nora had laid out a black and white striped shirt, his favorite red hoodie, and his nicest pair of black jeans. “This is perfect.” It was the perfect mix of casual, but it was also nice enough to be worthy of Bram without being too much. “Thank you, Nora. Have I ever mentioned you’re the best?”

“You might have mentioned it once or twice,” she replied with a smile as she left the room and returned to her own.

Simon closed his bedroom door and changed into his date outfit, running a comb through his hair. Just as he set it down, the butterflies starting to arrive in his stomach as he realized that holy shit, he was going on a real date in public with his boyfriend, the bell rang. Simon rushed downstairs, opening the front door to reveal Bram, who wore dark blue skinny jeans and a dark red sweater with sleeves long enough that they covered his hands. His hands, which held a single rose between them. “Hi,” Bram said quietly. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Simon replied, matching his volume. “Hey Mom, I’m going!”

“Make sure you’re back by curfew!” she shouted back.

Bram handed the rose to Simon, taking his free hand and swinging it between them as they walked towards his car, Simon sniffing the rose the whole way.

———

To Simon’s surprise, he actually enjoyed the movie Bram had chosen.

“You know me too well, I guess,” Simon said once the credits rolled and the lights slowly turned on.

“We are dating, so that is my job,” Bram said softly, attempting to be subtle as he glanced around the theater to make sure no one had heard. Simon noticed.

“Mmm hmm,” Simon hummed in reply.

They made no move to get up from their seats, Simon leaning his head on Bram’s shoulder as people filtered slowly out the doors of the theater. “I did try to find a super-adorable romantic gay movie, but those don’t seem to exist in movie theaters at all even around Valentine’s Day, so a heterosexual rom-com was the next best thing.”

“It was lovely, babe,” Simon replied. “Hey, imagine if someone made a movie about us.”

“That’s crazy, that would never happen.”

Simon shrugged. “You never know, but I promise you, I’ll go see that with you and I’ll actually enjoy it for once.”

They both grinned.

1. This was, of course, written in honor of "Love, Simon" coming out today!! As I said before, I wrote this earlier today before I saw the movie, but I've seen the movie now, of course, and it's magic, pure magic. 2. This is a little short, I apologize, but I did want to make sure this went up today for the release so short and sweet it is. I made it as cute as I possibly could, so I hope that makes up for it : ) 3. My friend Kaci and I are starting an OTP prompts series for spierfeld where we're going to write fics based on one of those super long tumblr posts with a whole bunch of general OTP prompts. We're going to alternate weeks and POVs, so all of my fics will be from Simon's POV like this one is and all of Kaci's will be from Bram's POV. The first prompt (one of mine) will be up next Friday if all goes well so get excited for that!!

Come say hi (seriously, PLEASE come scream about the movie with me if you've seen it!!) and send me prompts if you'd like : )

#original #fanfiction #simon vs the homo sapiens agenda #love simon #simon spier #bram greenfeld #spierfeld #fluff #happy love simon day!!#we love simon day

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soheila-1996 · 4 years

Text

My story- Part Five

This chapter was so difficult to write. I’ve really debated posting this over the last couple days because this is so personal.

I had a miscarrige last year and it’s approaching my son/daughter’s due date as well as what would have been my daughter’s fifth birthday on May 3rd. I’m finding this time really, really difficult. I wasn’t going to take this fic here but writting really is acting as an amazing outlet for me. I’ve really been able to get a lot off my chest. This chapter is all over the place, I apologise for that but I needed to get it out.

My little disclaimer:

Any feedback is really appreciated! :)

Tagging people who shared the last part. You don’t have to read it! I just thought you might want to see what happens: @kacie-0156, @texaskitten30, @cordonianroyalty, @kingliam2019, @bebepac, @kingliam-rys, @cordonia-gothqueen, @kimmiedoo5, @bbrandy2002, @loveellamae @bobasheebaby @losingbraincellseveryday @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @jared2612 @flutistbyday2020 @debramcg1106 @anotherbeingsworld

This is also part of wacky drabbles hosted by @emceesynonymroll. The prompt this week is: #40: Don’t you ever do that again.

Paring: Liam and Riley

Warnings: ⚠️ Miscarriage, Suicidal thoughts, blood.

Word count: 4882

Catch up here

(Liam’s POV)

Since the events the other day at the fundraiser and the video, Riley had been...distant. That’s the only way I can explain it. She won’t talk to anyone and when she does, she’s not herself.

I had read some of the truly awful things people had been saying about her. I can’t comprehend how anyone could be so cruel to another human being. She had told me that it doesn't bother her but I know better. I’m positive that it would bother anyone.

Since I had learned about her epilepsy things were okay, then The Five Kingdom’s Festival happened- that’s where things started to go a little bit awry. I can see now that all of us were being a little bit overprotective but we- I was scared. Finding her that day was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. It was when she told me about the baby and her miscarrige in a previous relationship was when she started to pull away from me. Our conversations grew shorter and awkward, our passionate kisses became little pecks. It felt like we were growing apart but I don’t fully understand why.

(Riley’s POV)

Liam was down the hall in our home study and I was sitting in our bedroom on the bed, my phone in hand as I scrolled down the comments of the video of my seizure.

I know that looking at them isn't going to make me feel better but I want to know what people are saying about me.

When everything with Tariq happened the comments didn't bother me because I knew it didn't happen...but there was no denying this.

People continued to speculate on whether I was faking it, what was wrong with me if it was real, if I had overdosed and other random ridiculous theories.

I haven't really left our apartment or spoken to anyone- especially Liam. I’m embarrassed even though I can’t control it and I shouldn’t be but I am.

I can’t help it.

I feel like I've not only embarrassed myself but Liam too and my friends.

It astounds me how cruel people can be.

I continued to scroll down the despicable comments- once again only looking at the negative ones. At this point I’ve already read and thought so many despicable things that I've kind of become numb to it now. There’s nothing anyone can say that I haven't already thought of.

I feel the hot tears stinging as I continue to look through them.

Why would he want to be with her???

That’s so embarrassing and gross.

She can die from one of these, right? Great!

I don’t realise that I’m crying or that Liam has come into the room until his hands are resting on my shoulders and he’s kneeling in front of me.

“What’s wrong?”

“It doesn't matter,” I sniffled. I placed my phone down beside me and wiped at my eyes. Liam sat beside me as I brought my knees up to my chest.

“Talk to me,” he encouraged.

He doesn't understand. He can’t. How could I possibly explain to him what I’m feeling right now?

He’d be better off right? He wouldn't have to be constantly worried and stressed about me. He could find someone else, someone who makes him happy and doesnt hurt him.

“Please?”

He moved so he was sitting in front of me. He brought his hands up, both cupping either side of my face as his thumbs wiped the tears away.

“Please talk to me.”

“And say what?” I shrugged, “ That I don’t want to do any of this anymore? Or how I’m so terrified that I’m going to murder our baby so I’m pushing you away so when it happens you’ll already hate me? Is that what you wanted me to tell you?!” My chest was now rising and falling quickly from my outburst. Liam opened his mouth to speak but opted against it.

I mean what did I expect? He’s probably thinking the same things I am.

“Wh-” He started, swallowing thickly. “What do you mean you don’t want to do this anymore?” I stayed silent. I don't know what to say or how to say it. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Ri?” He asked calmly.

I swallowed thickly. If I was being honest, I don’t know. It’s more than what people have been saying online. Those things of course bother me but it’s not anything I haven’t heard before. That’s not what’s caused this.

I shrugged at his question. I don’t know what’s going on or even if I know how do I explain it? I feel lost and..and hopeless and scared. I’m really scared.

“Riley?”

“I-I just don’t want to do this anymore.” I swallowed thickly as I turned my head to look at him.

“What don’t you want to do anymore?”

“All of it.” I saw the fear flash across my husband's face. “I don’t want to be here anymore,” I said, my voice monotone. I know that I’m going to start crying, I know that i’ve just hurt Liam with what I’ve said and stand up after picking my cell phone up and pocketing it.

I went to walk away but Liam's hand gently wrapped around my wrist to stop me. I hesitantly turn to face him. My heart shattered at seeing the tears welling in his eyes.

I tugged my arm out of his grasp and cleared my throat. “I-I need a minute.”

“Riley?” He called after me. His voice laced with sheer panic. I stopped in the doorway and turned to look at him getting up onto his feet.

He went to move towards me but I held up a hand to stop him, “I’m not going to do anything,” I reassured, “ I- I just need a minute. I’ll come back.” I didn't say anything else as I left the apartment.

It was true, I wasn’t going to do anything, I just wanted to be alone for a few minutes to think over it all. I needed to figure this all out on my own first.

The next morning, my eyes fluttered open and were immediately stung by the sun rays peeking in through the partially closed curtains. I turned over to lay on my back and used my arm to shield my eyes from the blinding light.

I had avoided Liam after our talk yesterday evening and had stayed with Drake last night to ensure I wouldn’t run into my husband. I had sent Liam a text before going to bed to let him know that I’m okay.

There were a million different places I could’ve stayed but Drake is one of my best friends and I couldn’t be with Liam knowing I had hurt him.

Drake was like Liam- overprotective but he is one my best friends. Drake has always been here for me, through the highs and lows. Always here to confide in but we haven't spoken about it.

I don’t know where to begin or how to explain how I’m feeling.

It’s not that I can’t speak to Liam. I can tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me over it but seeing his face last night… I can’t hurt him anymore. I can’t.

I had found that over the last few days my mind had started to become a scary place. Filled with thoughts I haven't had since highschool. They're difficult to ignore. I’m tired of trying to ignore them. Keeping them pushed to the back of my mind only for them to come back stronger.

Everything just takes up so much energy.

I threw the blankets off of me, headed out of Drake's spare room and down the hall to the bathroom- that was thankfully unoccupied.

Drake never was an early riser so that’s hardly surprising.

I had just sat, pulled my pants and panties down when I felt my stomach churn at the sight of the red substance splattered in my otherwise pristine white underwear.

Shit. shit. No...please

I can feel my heart start racing. Beating madly like horses hooves hitting the ground. My stomach rolls and my heart sinks.

This can't be happening.

“It's okay,” I whispered to myself. “I’m fine. A little bit of spotting is normal. Totally normal.” I’m saying the words, I know the facts and yet I’m still panicking.

I took a deep breath and held it in for a few seconds, closing my eyes as I did so, going to my happy place. I did this a few more times to prevent my breathing going off the rails and going into a full blown panic. I don’t need that right now.

I don't have any nausea like normal but that’s okay, right? It should probably be called ‘all- day sickness’ It’s never just limited to the morning.

I’m fine.

It’ll probably rear its ugly head at some point during the day.

It’s probably a good thing actually. None of my friends know that I’m pregnant and Drake probably wouldn't appreciate me puking in his bathroom.

I flushed the toilet then headed out. As I was walking past the kitchen back to the spare room I heard Drake’s voice.

I changed direction and headed into the kitchen instead. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised to see my husband sitting at the table opposite Drake.

Liam stood up when he saw me and wrapped me in his arms. “Are you okay?” He immediately asked.

“I’m fine.” I wanted to tell him about the spotting but...I don’t. It’s probably nothing. There’s no point in both of us stressing over it.

“Last night you disappeared and I-”

“I’m sorry,” I cut him off before he started to continue his worried rambling. I feel like the biggest bitch on the planet.

I didn’t handle last night well at all.

“Don't you ever do that again,” Liam said. I could hear the concern and worry laced in his normal stoic voice.

“I’m sorry. I just needed to- I needed some time to think over everything,” I explained as I wrapped both my arms around him tighter.

“I was so worried about you,” he told me quietly.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

We were interrupted by Drake clearing his throat. We let go of each other and turned to him. “Do you one of you want to tell me what’s going on?”

Liam went to open his mouth but I started talking before he could have a chance to, “It’s private and nothing to worry about,” I say quickly. “Thank you for letting me stay last night, Drake.”

“Sure,” he responded.

“I-I’m gonna go and get my stuff.” I awkwardly headed out and into the spare room to grab my phone, only to discover it had died, and my jacket and shoes- since they were the only things I had with me yesterday evening.

I slipped my shoes and jacket on then headed back into the kitchen.

The awkwardness in there was almost palpable.

Liam and I both said goodbye to our friend, then headed back to our quarters so I could shower and change.

On the way back Liam had told me we needed to talk but I don’t want to...not now at least. I just wanted to shower before I met up with Hana later.

I had asked him about how he knew where I was. He told me that he had panicked last night when I left and had tried to get hold of me but received no answer, then had called Drake thankfully to discover I was safe and sound with him.

I truly felt awful about it all. I wasn’t thinking last night that my disappearing act would make him worry so much. I didn’t mean to make him worry.

It just seemed to be one thing after another.

It was a few hours later, Hana and I are sitting in the library working on planning Maxwell’s surprise birthday party. Neither of us had planned one before and was finding it a little bit difficult. An offer had been extended for Drake to come and join us but he opted against it and Liam was in the middle of a conference call with the French ambassador but should be along shortly.

My laptop was open in front of me. I was writing down all our ideas we had come up with so far. All we knew was that we wanted it to be Kraken or squid themed- maybe both.

I was typing all of our ideas when my arm started to tingle.

Oh no.

I looked up to Hana who sat opposite me. She was making a sketch of a new suit she wanted to make for Maxwell for the party.

My stomach rolled.

Hana soon looked up at me. Everything was becoming confusing. My notes are almost forgotten. Why I’m here forgotten too.

I don’t think I took my medication this morning.

“Are you alright?”

I shook my head. “N-No,” I slurred.

All I really know right now is that I’m not feeling good. I feel sick.

I wobbily got to my feet and so did Hana.

I don’t know where I am but I don’t want to be here.

She stood in front of me, hands resting on my shoulders. “Riley, are you going to have a seizure?” My hearing is starting to disappear. Her voice sounds different- echoey.

I don’t understand what she's asking me.

(Hana’s POV)

I now understand what Maxwell had been feeling at the fundraiser. We’ve both been there to witness this but Drake and Liam have always been the ones to help her.

I gently helped her down onto the floor.

Riley started to squirm and whimper as she tried to get up off the floor. Her limbs don’t want to cooperate with her. I’m sure that’s making her panic more because her attempts to get away get stronger.

“It’s okay,” I said, quietly. She’s still squirming and whimpering. I know she probably doesn't understand anything that I’m saying right now to attempt to comfort her.

I heard her start to gag and immediately helped her over onto her side. I rubbed her back comfortingly, “It’s okay .Get it all out.”

Once she had finished, I quickly stood to fetch our phones off the table and a cushion off one of the seats.

I carefully slid the cushion under her head, she tried to move but she can barely move her limbs now.

“I dun’t feel glood,” She said in a small, slurred voice that made it difficult for me to understand.

“It's okay,” I tried to console but I dont think it’s doing much.

Her face fell blank, expressionless and less than a second later she started seizing, I quickly pressed the button to start the timer. I picked Riley’s phone up and looked for Liam’s contact.

It only ran three times before Liam picked up. “Love?”

“It’s Hana, Liam. We’re in the library and Riley’s having a seizure.”

“What?” He sounded panicked.

“She’s okay. It’s all under control. I- I just thought that you needed to know.”

“I’ll be there soon.” Liam hung up and I turned all my attention back to Riley. A little bit of blood started to trickle out of her mouth, I used the bottom of my dress to wipe it away, remembering that I needed to keep her airway as clear as possible.

Her thrashing started to slow down. “There you go,” I whispered. 2:23 was on the timer as I reached over to stop it as her thrashing ceased. I made a mental note of it.

About a minute later Liam arrived and dropped onto his knees beside us. It wasnt much longer until her eyes started to move behind their lids and opened completely.

(Riley’s POV)

Why can’t I move?

Why can’t I hear?

Where am I?

I can see two figures beside me. I can’t tell who they are!

Who are they?

What do they want?

Where am I?

I try to squirm away but my body doesn’t want to comply.

I’m scared, I don’t know where I am or why I’m here. My fight-or- flight response is starting to kick in. All I know is that I need to get away from these strange people.

Everything is still a blurry right now. The figures don’t yet have any defined facial features. My hearing is like I’m underwater- it’s all muffled.

A short while later, the details of the world around me is starting to bleed back into focus- I only wish my memory would do this too. I can see the bookshelves, the people near me. A sense failairt is over then but I can’t quite figure out why yet

The blonde ones seem to notice that I can see him and tilts his head a little bit. I realize I do recognize him and the woman. “Liam?” I asked. I’m still a little bit unsure.

The world doesn't completely make sense.

“I’m here,” he cooed. “We’re in the library, you had a little seizure,” he started to explain to me, “It’s just me and Hana.”

I looked at the woman. “Hi Riley.”

I don’t properly acknowledge my friend and look back to Liam. “What happened? I asked, his previous explanation completely forgotten.

“You had a seizure.”

“Oh.”

It took a few minutes for me to become fully alert. Now I was sitting up with Liam supporting me from behind.

I’m so tired.

I turned my head slightly and noticed the red stain on the bottom of my friend's dress. “I’m so sorry,” I panicked. Hana looked confused before she followed my gaze down.

“Oh don’t worry about it,” She said, waving me off.

“It’ll probably stain.”

“It’ll be fine. I promise,” Hana reassured, “I’m sure I’ll be able to get it out. Don’t worry about it.”

I nodded and let out a yawn.

“Do you want to head back to the apartment now?” Liam asked me. I nodded in agreement. Liam stood first and extended a hand out to me, I took it gratefully. Liam easily pulled me up off the not so comfortable library floor.

We both said goodbye to Hana, Liam grabbed my laptop off the table then we headed out. “Are you feeling okay now?” Liam asked me.

“Yeah,” I yawned, “I’m just tired, a little sore.”

We continued towards the apartment for a few minutes, when Liam spoke again breaking the silence. “Do you know what caused it this time?” He asked.

“I erm...I forgot to take my medication this morning,” I realized, thinking back to this morning. “I- I got a little distracted.” When we arrived back, I decided a nap would be beneficial- i was exhausted now so I settled down on the couch. Liam retrieved a blanket from our bedroom as I got comfortable. By the time he returned I was just about to drift off.

I felt him cover me with the blanket then place a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be in the study if you need me.” I hummed before letting myself drift off.

I’m not sure how much later it was when I was woken up from my nap by some cramping, I rubbed at my eyes as I stood up. I felt sick at seeing the cushion I was laying on is now stained red.

Shit!

I looked down and saw the red, sticky blood covering my pants. I immediately headed out of the living room. I need Liam. This isn’t normal.

An icy finger ran down my spine when I felt another cramp slice across my lower abdomen. I wasn’t expecting it and leaned forward, grabbing hold of the door frame to Liam’s study, groaning quietly.

This can't be happening….Please, Please don’t let this be happening….Please…

My knuckles had turned white from the force I was using to keep hold of the wood. My other hand was resting on my stomach.

I bit my lip. I could taste the familiar metallic taste of blood from the freshly made cut in my bottom lip. I bit down harder as the pain seemed to intensify . I tried to keep in the whimper but I couldn’t.

I heard Liam’s chair be pushed back, then footsteps and before I knew it he was standing in front of me.

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as I looked up to him. His eyebrows were knitted in concern but the look in his eyes told me he had an inkling about what was happening.

“Riley?” I’m sure I heard his voice crack. I whimpered again as another cramp tore through me.

What did I do wrong?

I can feel Liam’s hands resting on my shoulders now. “Riley, what’s happening sweetheart?”

I looked up to him. My tear filled gaze meeting his. My bottom lip trembled.

Was It something I ate?

“I-I’m…” I turned to look down at the floor. I couldn't look at him while I told him this. I couldn't watch as I shattered his dream of having a baby- like a true coward. “I’m losing the baby.”

Liam’s hands fell from my shoulders to rest by his side. He looked scared, panicked.

Is this because of a seizure?

Liam rubbed at his teary eyes. I groaned as another cramp sliced across my stomach once again. Liam stepped towards me and I grabbed onto his shoulders.

What if I had told him this morning?

“It’s okay,” Liam said, quickly, cupping my face in his hands.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It...It’s not,” I cried. The pain only seemed to worsen and I had the sudden urge to go to the toilet. “I-I need to go to the toilet.”

Liam nodded and helped me down the hall and into the bathroom. I pulled down my pants and underwear and took a seat.

“Get out,” I ordered quietly. My knuckles were once again white clamped over my knees. Liam looked up at me, disbelief spread across his face.

“What?”

“Get out,” I demanded more forcibly this time. I didn’t want him to see this. He didn’t need to see this.

“Ri-”

“JUST GET OUT!” I screamed at him through a sob. “Please.” I could see the internal battle he was having with himself. “Just go,” I sniffled.

Thankfully he did as he was told.

It was a few minutes later when suddenly all the pain was gone and something slippery fell out and splashed into the toilet.

Oh god.

I wiped myself with some toilet paper. It came back covered in red. I felt sick.

I slowly got back up to my feet and pulled up my pants. I turned around so I’m facing the toilet; I bit my lip, once again drawing blood as I looked down into the bowl. It’s hard to see anything because of the crimson stained water, then I see it- my baby bobbing in the water.

My hand hovers on the handle.

I want to take it out. It doesn't feel right for my baby to be in the toilet where waste goes but what would I do with it? With him or her?

I heard the door open as Liam stepped in. I don’t turn to look at him, my gaze is fixed on the toilet. I felt him step up behind me and peek a glance.

He wrapped his arms around me and a sob ripped out of his throat. I let myself slam into his chest and allow him to wrap me in his arms as I continue to stare at it.

I don’t know what to do.

“I-I don’t know what to do,” I mumbled, defeated. Liam rubbed my shoulders comfortingly, sniffling.

“What did you do last time?” He asked.

“I- I buried her.”

“Did that help?” I shook my head. It didn't. Having my baby so close to me just outside and knowing I couldn’t hold her broke my heart. Everyday. “Should we flush it?” I could hear in his voice that he was crying.

My hand reached for the handle as my other when to cover my mouth as a sob tore out of my throat. Liam stepped closer to me, one hand around my waist as the other covered mine over the handle.

“Are you sure?” I nodded and turned my head away. “One...two...three.” Both our hands pushed down and a loud whooshing filled my ears as clean water replaced the crimson.

After I had calmed down, Liam and I headed to the hospital after he had convinced me too. I know he’s just worried and wants to make sure I was okay so I go along with it even though I don’t care anymore.

After getting checked out, Liam and I climbed in the back of the SUV and strapped ourselves in. We barely had uttered a word to one another- actually Liam had tried to talk to me but...what was there to say? It’s gone and there's nothing anybody can do to change that.

I keep going over it all wondering if there was something I could’ve done differently, what I did wrong...There must’ve been something that I did to cause this.

Like I had suspected everyone told me that it wasnt my fault- that ‘it’s just one of those things and ‘it’s actually quite common’ but I don't know what to think or how to feel.

I didn’t let myself get excited over it. I didn't let myself dream over what the baby would look like or what they’d be, what type of person they would grow up to become but from the moment that baby was conceived it was my child. I know for a fact Liam over the last nine weeks has thought about it, let himself get excited over it and I had just ruined it for him.

The journey back home was spent in an uncomfortable silence. I wanted to speak. I wanted to apologise profusely to my husband for what I had done but I couldn’t. How could I ever make amends with words?

When we arrived home, Liam had extended out his hand to help me out of the vehicle but I didn't take it, opting to push past him instead.

I heard Liam’s hurried footsteps behind me as I walked towards our apartment. I could hear him calling my name but I ignored it and continued on my way.

I quickly unlocked the front door and headed straight to the bathroom.

I need a shower.

I headed down the hall to the bathroom.

I didn't waste any time stripping off my clothes and switching the water.

It’s cold to begin with but I’m numb to everything right now.

Everything feels like I've stepped into another dimension or that I'm trapped in a nightmare that I can’t escape.

It doesn't feel real.

I picked up the loofah and plastered it in my body wash and started to scrub at dried blood on my legs.

I want it off of me!

I don’t realise that all the blood is soon gone and I’m just rubbing at my flesh until its raw.

I’m crying.

I’m screaming.

I just want this all to stop.

My hand is pulled away from my now agitated flesh by Liam. He plucked the loofah out of my hand and put it down then pulled me against his chest. I fight against him and manage to squirm out of his grip.

He can’t comfort me.

I don’t deserve it not after what I’ve done.

One of the first things I notice now that I’m facing him is that he’s still wearing his clothes and they're wet.

“You’re getting all wet!” I cried as I tried to urge him out of the shower but he wouldn't budge. He simply just pulled me into his arms, my back resting against his chest.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I’m not sure he heard me over the water hitting the floor. It hit me then that I could never apologise enough, there is nothing I can do that is ever going to rectify any of this.

It’s not like this is the first time. It’s happened twice- two babies that I have failed to protect. Two babies that I just wanted to hold more than anything in the world but will never get the chance too.

“There’s nothing to apologise for.”

“Y-yes there is,” I said. My bottom lip quivered. I know that If I speak again then the tears are going to start falling.

“It’s not your fault.” Liam’s words do not ring true for me right now. I’ve already convinced myself that my actions caused this. That I am the one to blame. I want to cry but why should I be allowed to grieve over something that I caused?

It’s all my fault.

#my story #tw miscarriage #tw seizure #tw sucidal thoughts #the royal romance #trr #wacky drabbles #liam x riley

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