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I'm so upset I could cry.
#kel vents#a month before my planned tour of Ireland#they cancel the tour#apparently not enough people signed up for it#I'm trying to find another 10-day tour with a similar itinerary#but this late there's nothing available#my next option is a 7 day tour and getting them to book me a couple of day trips from Dublin#but this means i need to add more nights to my hostel stay#and the 7 day tour isn't as relaxed as the 10 day option#I'm legit so upset#i know it's a first world problem#but this was supposed to be my dream trip to Ireland#personal
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Hello, I blinked and March was over. Another busy/hectic month in regards to Real Life things + I got pretty sick at the end of it (because being sick in February wasn't enough lol). With that being said, here's what I did get done:
Wrote 16.1k words (Chapter 2 total word count: 27.4k )
Started editing/coding in the start of Chapter 2
Did some more coding/tweaking for stat pages
Fixed some variables in Chapter 1 + added piercings and facial hair options to character customization (these will all be added when Chap 2 releases)
Posted Rhea's bday art
With that being said, I thought Chapter 2 would be a max of 30k words, but all the small branching and flavor text in this chapter is really adding up lol. Of those words written, most of it went towards the Lars/Student Warden path. I did however write one of the three endings, and one of two of the RO pov ending scene variants.
With that said the Rhea/Student Government path should be a lot shorter since it's more straight forward, and once that's done, all that's left is a handful of smaller scenes/variants to finish up and then Chapter 2 will be done! I'm guessing it'll end up being between 40k to 50k words in total. I'm hoping to finish up the writing in April and then code everything in to release it by late May! This is obviously very tentative, but unless the universe decides to cause mayhem once more, that's what I'm aiming for!
Lastly, here's another little preview for the confrontational MCs this month (ft Lars):
#BA: updates#didn't hit my word count goal either but I did lose an entire week of writing to a fever in my defense asjkflas#health>>>>>>writing#also if you're reading the tags random off topic request lmfaO#but I like to read during my hour break at work and I need book recs#I read pretty much everything in all genres and age demographics#non fiction and comics/mangas included#anyways I read a lot but I think my issue lately is I've read so much in my comfort zone and now nothing looks interesting#I've read 33 books this year and only a handful weren't fantasy (I know that sounds like a lot but like 19 of those were manga asfaklj)#the only limit is it can't be self published since it would need to be available at my library and they never carry indies
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reading alison weir's new novel; she's adapted and altered the primary source material she's clearly using in a way that is...um. something?
#i mean it's a novel. and it is not called creative license for nothing#i also know im not the target audience and that#the vast majority of the people reading this book are not like me (insofar as i've#read what's available from the archives/state calendar papers from 1533-36...#probably. front to back altogether; chronologically; about a dozen times or so? taken detailed notes etc )#*so i doubt it's a bugbear for many; if any; other than myself#but i was very easily able to pick out the primary source quotes ; and her intent in#placing; for example; a quote from a chapuys report of 1536 in late 1533#and switching the identities of certain people (here; norfolk subbed in for shelton ) for certain incidents#so as to bolster certain theories she clearly has about certain people and their loyalties...#i mean again it's a novel but this is what she does in her nonfiction too; she just has had more liberty to do so here#and there is a reason training in history is important to being labeled 'a historian'#you are to develop your theories from the evidence. not vice versa.#(or more specifically...she does literally the opposite of what historians are trained to do. she molds the evidence to fit her theories. )#anyway. review forthcoming...maybe#i'll have to read her author's note once i'm done with this section to see if she admits to any of these specific alterations#evidence first; theory after! otherwise we end up with all these superficial renderings
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honestly if you live in a blue state and can afford a decent home and all your meds/food/utilities i want to hear NOTHING in regards to us in red states
i live in greg abbott's red texas. you know, the largest state that borders the most vilified neighboring country and receives the majority of latino immigrants + has a huge black population + a lot of arab and asian immigrants
i will not tolerate blame put on the people in red states who are constantly harassed and belittled because of their race, origin, religion, gender, and economic status
you want someone to blame? blame your party who did nothing to get people out of poverty, did nothing in response to police violence and killings, did nothing for palestine/lebanon, did nothing in response to abbott and desantis' vitriolic anti-latino racism and policies
democrats did what they do best, follow the right-leaning trend and lose to republicans
#literally there are more and more homeless people everytime i go into the city#doesnt matter which city#we have homeless people here in my town which is a hell to travel on foot because we literally have a highway cutting through everything#there are no sidewalks and barely any places for camping that arent private property#majority of people i check out at work use ebt cards for food#and even then its mostly white people that have access to those government funds#most of the latinas that i check out are vigilant in their coupons just to make sure they can afford necessities for their homes#using money that their husbands are breaking their backs for because its the only job available to them#shits been getting worse and worse here no matter who was president#and it will continue to get worse#people are already dying it will be an epidemic#and im trying my best to better my family's situation so i can be quicker in helping my neighbors#but even then i fell like itll be too late by the time it comes down to that#just#do more#be a good person to everyone regardless of if they share your political views#cus ill tell you something when people are in survival mode and wanting to claw themselves out they will find any justification for bigotry#they will find someone to blame for their circumstance because its not normal to live like this#some blame the government and some blame immigrants#feed them and show them that people are not their enemy its the fucking rich assholes in government keeping them at the bottom#so that rich assholes stay on top no matter what happens to the world around them#the entire world could be burning and they still will be wasting money because its nothing to them
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#nothing like being in varying states of pain for a few years - sometimes less#sometimes more but always there - and being too exhausted to go to a doctor about it bc everyone around you says you just need to do yoga &#the only way ur job will accommodate is by giving u the less staffed late shift so u can go in the morning and ur so exhausted youd rather#just deal eith the pain like u already have been doing for years#to moving to a job that actually allows u to leave early for medical reasons if you can get the essentials done#then phoning the gp with hope & motivation for the first time in a long time#and being told lol no appointments left until july#i had hope for once i really did 🥲 my friend is a pt & said i might have fibromyalgia and i really really dont want it to be that bc that#means i have a chronic illness with no cure but i looked it up and just. every single symptom was a check for me#and i started thinking if i do have it ill have it whether im diagnosed or not & if i dont then thats good to know too? & psyched myself up#for the phone call and. ugh it really hit me#she said to do their online service. tried and it said no appointments available. tried nhs online. it said make an appointment with ur gp#within the next few days 🥲 back to giving up and just bearing the pain and never mentioning it bc i'll just get told it's my own fault bc#i didnt go yoga ig#just needed to rant into the void for a bit sigh#time to go back into work i guess#*#UGH I JUST GOT MY PERIOD TOO#also like. this isn't to say i do have chronic pain it could be something easily solved#and id be delighted if it was#but i hate how the people around me trivialise it like. it's not normal to have intense pain and stiffness from sitting down/standing for#the duration of one train stop ok it's not. it's not normal to feel sharp jolts of pain through my body every time i cough or sneeze.#every part of my body aches! literally from my head to my toes! they dont do toe yoga!#okay enough back into the fray
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increasingly noticing aspartame showing up as an ingredient in drinks that aren't sugar free and given that we can tell it's in there even if we haven't checked before drinking it because it makes our mouth feel weird and gives us a sore throat and makes our stomach feel pretty not great just in general, we're not particularly thrilled about this development
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#there've been several instances lately where I've gotten the full sugar version of drinks#because the sugar free versions make us feel kinda shit when we drink them#and I've taken a sip and been like ''wait a fucking minute'' only to find that yeah there's aspartame in there#anyway it was bad enough that a bunch of places only stock sugar free stuff or make you pay significantly more for full sugar stuff#especially when we've had hypoglycemia and tried to get a drink as the quickest way to fix it#only to realise after like 15 minutes of nothing happening that the drink was sugar free because that's all that was available there
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bar exam in 8 days. i am so scared lmfao
#ooc.#a bit of negativity in the tags:#i am also a little sad bc my studies and lack of availability/focus have def caused some people to not want to stick around here#but i am trying not to think about that now#thanks for sticking around if you're still here#i really appreciate it. i love being here and talking with you all. my life has just been so hard lately#when i was still able to write my brain would only let myself focus on certain things#and it is nothing to do with the lovely people i write with here#and more just what my brain let me focus on#this has been a thing since i have been in school#i opened my blog back up to the public right before finals#so you really have known this stressed scatterbrained version of me#that i would like to think isn't reflective of who i am as a person or writer#i've just been full of a lot of emotions lately#because i hold my fandoms and the people in them near and dear to my heart and i feel like i have inadvertently driven some of them away#so my heart is breaking a little bit.#if we have spoken on here#or i have sent a meme to you#or received one from you#or gotten a starter from you#or written a starter for you#you Do mean a lot to me.#i have not forgotten you.#i'll probably delete this soon. i'm a little embarrassed#i don't want this to be a pity party but i feel i owe an explanation#just know i have everything saved#everything in my drafts/askbox#and i never drop anything unless i tell you i need to for some reason#thank you for being here again#you all have offered me some solace and community during the hardest time in my life
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i mean this amongst the material where we were Ever supposed to be at all on the same page about axe & wendy's nightmare quasiromance including that it was after the vicious pettiness stalking & relationship sabotaging from axe that we got the warmest & fuzziest rather than wendy finally reaching a breaking point, or know that it's not great if prince goes around taking advantage of young employees his kid's age but we would never disrespect that person by calling them a victim and also we can't even think too badly of him until he outright confirms (rudely!) he feels entitled, and then we also will actually do nothing about this save for eventually saying actually it looks bad if his wife also has sex outside the marriage, which would defy his entitlement
#shoutout to sacker as being the one woman around here who like actually had arcs that went anywhere#all this and rian having to be closeted too. for no reward except [here's this role: Some Asshole]#bonnie; another Some Asshole; largely also granted like ''but she's sexually available to some man worthy Enough of sex''#which is a completely superficial matter. even if we like ben he might be too much of a pussy#we won't confirm his sexuality is Wrong but no room for it being right; either#unbelievable like ''well at least now wendy will give up on axe'' wrong!! the magic of his possessiveness going off the rails :')#her Not going to superhell doesn't even have anything to do with it....#meanwhile rian bonking prince for no reason at least was supposed to be this ''twist'' that what the? prince is shit?#(relevantly: prince bullying the autistic guy on day 1 does Not reveal this (: )#still unbelievable that just went away. actually thee problem is that an open marriage is a weird look! don't you own your wife?? cmon#and also its handling was; let's say; ''underwhelming.'' up next rian being horrible always but this is also: nothing!#including: not an arc. never gave her one. And That's Women! (rian oughting to be textually nonbinary but started off slightly too late)#that's also; relevantly: Power Dynamics! well don't be rude about it. claiming victimhood? demeaning. abuse does show you care at all tho#winston billions#like this when wendy's Supposed to be [right] in being more independent(tm) from these shit men.#this when prince is Supposed to be wrongish for using his power to take advantage of someone. this is what we are mustering#this and that if you abuse your autistic coworker the only thing Wrong about it is that you're being too nice in not ignoring them more#good thing we know rian did that too! the Empowerment deserved; like claiming fault for prince's actions#god only knows why it was important taylor make some pass out of nowhere & rian also be Responsible for their feelings abt rejection....#well but some ppl Do have a degree of entitlement to sex! the worthier ones. it Must be explained why this doesn't mean taylor's Unworthy#anyways underwhelmingly typical but sometimes it is like i am throwing billions through a wall. thus just posting it out lmao
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the amount of books i’ve gotten from the library is actually stressing me out help
#i've got 4 with me right now and 6 more just became available for me to pick up....i didnt think they'd become available so quickly 😭😭#and that's not to mention that ebooks from libby#what do i do i feel so overwhelmed hgjshfhdh it's a wonderful problem to have though#all i do know is that right now im not in the right headspace to read a series. like i just cant commit to that right now#so idk if i'll get around to reading the jasmine throne or legendborn#or the bone shard daughter#if im going to be reading a series then the only books i should have with me are the books from that series.... nothing else#otherwise it's too overwhelming#so right now im reading stand-alones and having a blast. there's so many though!!!!!#......all i've been doing lately is reading. that's why i've been absent here. i haven't watched anime in like 3 whole weeks#my dad gave me his kobo and i finallyyyy figured out how to make libby work there#so now i can read all my libby books on a screen that's bigger than my phone and doesn't strain my eyes 🎉#i LOVE libby but i really wanted to stop reading on my phone bc it makes my head hurt after a while#and i was so close to buying a kobo for myself and then my dad told me he actually has one but rarely uses it so he gave it to me
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not gonna lie it is kinda bugging me not knowing When the sonic frontiers update is going to happen. because i wanna play it as soon as possible. but i dont know when that is
#i remember for both sonic prime episode drops i stayed up until 2am to watch them as soon as they were available#and i have absolutely nothing to do on thursday or friday so im perfectly willing to do that again#idk if im gonna need those full 2 days though im assuming that the dlc is gonna be a lot shorter than the full game#considering. it starts near the end of the original story#but anyways i WILL ruin my sleep schedule for sonic#but i dont wanna stay up that late just for the update to not happen at that time . you know#if its coming out the next morning id rather just go to sleep early and then wake up early for it#and also if its coming out in the like midnight to 2am time range id like to move my switch dock to my room#but. if it comes out later in the day id rather just leave it. because the living room tv is bigger#handheld mode is not an option i said this before but one of my joycons is messed up and nothing im doing is fixing it#so im basically stuck in tv or tabletop mode forever and ever because i dont feel like buying another pair#when the whole reason i have this pair is because my old pair had really bad drift#ive literally never had this much trouble with controllers on any console before. its just the switch that keeps doing this. hello
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cool so the fire alarm just went off like 30 mins and we all thought we were going to die but it turns out one of the alarms was just defective 🤪 so now it’s almost 6am and ive slept for 4 ish hours and now i have to sleep on the couch because my sister is panicking in our room and i have to be awake in an hour anyway so i might as well not even sleep lol. and my throat hurts from screaming which is going to make it hard to tell if my throat hurts from possibly having covid 🤪🤪🤪🤪
#purrs#and i can’t come into work late bc im the only one who will be available to come into the office and we need to have it open. cool cool cool#im so fucking haunted bc i worry abt this happening all the time and this actualy hapeemd to us in january when we lived in the hotel and wh#when that happened i grabbed my most important stuff but this time it was so sudden and scary thst i grabbed nothing. and i think abt this a#all the time and i didn’t grab my sketchbook at the very least. i know things aren’t as important as all of us getting out of the house safe#but i think abt this happening every day and im just so haunted. also my throat hurts from screaming so bad and my head hurts from sleep#derivation and km so scared im going to get sick lol. fml#also lol 2 false alarms both this year. what if it happens again and the next time it’s real. lolllll#i didn’t even grab my phone this time it was all so suddn and everyone was screaming fire
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God, I regret this already.
#I tried everything#I couldn’t find a house or apartment to approve me#my friend had one for $2300 which I can’t afford on my own anyway but even if I could#her dad wanted first last secured it which is 7k and I have not even half that#I was going to try to stay with my mom for a few months to save but still iffy#I was going to stay with my mom for good but#she said she has to move in two months too because she’s been late on rent every time#and I legitimately don’t know if they’ll find a place because they’re broke and in a worse credit spot than I am#Inow someone with one room to rent that me and Kai could try to squeeze into with random roommate#but it’s only available Aug - Dec#my friend in Tampa offered me a room but then I’d have zero babysitter at all for Kai#and I found a random apartment complex in Orlando that’s brand new and more affordable and also takes this guarantor thing#where basically instead of a refundable security deposit to the complex you pay a non refundable one to them to guarantee your lease#but I still couldn’t get approved with chases income#but the apartment could get me in this week and I could have a year leae#versus me staying with someone for a month or two and being homeless#but what the actual fuck I’m so fucking scared right now#this town holds nothing for me personally#but my son has his school and friends and beater and dance and we’re close to everything and I do have family and a stable job#and I tried to get an RV but got denied the loan this is so fucking hard man#I’m about to give up every ounce of stability I have and move to a new city because I stumbled across a place that would take me right away#and I’m scared AF to be homeless#and I’m scared#I know I csn find a new job and I’ll have a place to live and I can work out childcare if chase and I work opposite schedules and my son is#5 and so adaptable#and we can always come back in a year and get back everything we gave up#it’s only a year#but I promised myself I was finally going to be free of him and on my own and I wanted to be proud of myself and the fact that my mom and#the RV and this house and all of this fell through crushed me#and I’m so disappointed and so afraid
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A lot of younger people have no idea what aging actually looks and feels like, and the reasons behind it. That ignorance is so dangerous. If you don’t want to “be old,” you aren’t talking about a number of years. I have patients in their late 80s who could still handily beat me in a race—one couple still runs marathons together, in their late 80s—and I lost someone who was in her early 60s to COPD last year. What you want is not youth, it is health.
If you want to still be able to enjoy doing things in your 60s and 70s and 80s and even 90s, what you want to do, right now, is quit smoking, get some activity on a regular basis (a couple of walks a week is WAY better for you than nothing; increasing from 1 hour a day of cardio to 1.5 will buy you very little), and eat some plants. That’s it. No magic to it. No secret weird tricks. Don’t poison yourself, move around so your body doesn’t forget how, and eat plants.
If you have trouble moving around now because of mobility limitations, bad news: you still need to move around, not because it’s immoral not to, but because that’s still the best advice we have. I highly recommend looking up the Sit and Be Fit series; it is freely available and has exercises that can be done in a chair, which are suitable for people with limited mobility or poor balance. POTS sufferers, I’m looking at you.
If you have trouble eating plants because of dietary issues (they cause gas, etc.) or just because they’re bitter (super taster with texture issues here!), bad news. You still want to find a way to get some plants into your body on a regular basis. I know. It sucks. The only way I can do it is restaurants—they can make salads taste like food. I can also tolerate some bagged salads. On bad weeks, the OCD with contamination focus gets so bad I just can’t. However, canned beans always seem “safe,” and they taste a bit like candy, so they’re a good fallback.
If you smoke and you have tried quitting a million times and you’re just not ready to, bad news. You still need to quit. Your body needs you to try and keep trying. Your brain needs it, too. Damaging small blood vessels racks up cumulative damage over time that your body can start trying to reverse as soon as you quit. I know it’s insanely, absurdly addictive. You still need to.
You cannot rules lawyer your way past your body’s basic needs. It needs food, sleep, activity, and the absence of poison. Those are both small things and big asks. You cannot sustain a routine based on punishment, so don’t punish your body. Find ways to include these things that are enjoyable and rewarding instead. Experiment. There is no reason not to experiment—you don’t have to know instantly what’s going to work for you and what won’t, you just need to be willing to try things and make changes when things aren’t working for you.
You will still age. Your body will stop making collagen and elastin. Tissues you can see and tissues you can’t see will both sag. Cushioning tissues under your skin will get thinner. You’ll bruise more easily. Skin will tear more easily. Accumulated sun damage will start to show more and more. Joints will begin to show arthritis. Tendons and ligaments will get weaker and get injured more easily, as will muscles. Bones will lose mass and get easier to break. You’ll get tired more easily.
But you know what makes the difference between being dead, or as good as, in your 60s vs your 90s? Activity, plants, and quitting smoking. And don’t do meth. Saw a 58-year-old guy this week who is going to have a heart attack if he doesn’t quit whatever stimulant he’s on. I pretended to believe it was just the cigarettes, and maybe it is, but meth and cocaine will kill you quicker. Stop poisoning yourself.
Baby steps; take it one step at a time; you don’t need to have everything figured out right now. But you do need to be working on figuring things out.
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oh god i need open library back
#though honestly except for the american girl books very few of the things i've been trying to find lately have been available#idk why i had such luck for things that don't have ebooks through my library or hoopla#the only thing i hate is as far as i can tell you can't borrow anything for two weeks anymore#at least nothing i've read recently bc i don't need the two weeks i just need it to not be taken by someone else after i've started
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I think the reader's response to this post is probably going to either be "That's incredibly minor" or "Holy shit YES I'M ALSO PROUD", depending on people's personal experiences with academia, but:
Today I am incredibly proud of one of my students.
In the interests of disguising identities, let's call them Ceri. Ceri is one of my third year undergrads (meaning their final year, for anyone unfamiliar with UK uni systems.) They transferred to us last year, and within two weeks I was giving them the contact info to get to Student Services and get themself screened for ADHD; they have some mental health struggles, but I clocked pretty quickly that they STRUGGLE with procrastination, and punctuality, and attending 9am lectures in particular. Naturally, as is the way of my people, it took them a further four months to remember to go to the screening. Lol. Lmao. Rofl, in fact.
But, they did it eventually! Their screening lit up like a Christmas tree at the ADHD section, and they got a free laptop and optional one week extensions and a study support worker named Claire. This has helped tremendously, and although mental health + until-then-unsupported ADHD meant their academic profile had slid sideways somewhat, with the new tools available and a couple of resits they passed the year and hit this year running.
Until, that is, the last fortnight.
Now, I take them for a Habitat Management module that has two assessments: an academic poster presentation before Christmas, and a site-specific management plan in May. Naturally this means we are at that happy point in the year for the poster presentations. I give out the briefs at the start of the year, so they've had them since October; I've also been periodically checking in with them all for weeks, to make sure they don't have any major burning questions. The poster presentation was to pick a species reintroduction project, pull the habitat feasibility study out of it, and then critique that study; Ceri chose to look at the hen harrier reintroductions proposed for the southern UK. All good.
Which brings us nicely to today! Ceri's presentation is scheduled for 2.30. At 11am-1pm, I am lecturing the first years on Biodiversity, while Ceri is learning about environmental impact assessment with a colleague I shall call Aeron. This means we are separately occupied during those same hours.
Nevertheless, Aeron messages me at about 12.
"I think Ceri needs to see you after your lecture," he writes. "They're panicking, I genuinely think they might cry. I'm worried. Are you free at 1?"
I say I am. At 1, I get lunch and sit in the common area; Ceri comes to see me. To my personal shame, imagine all of the following takes place while I stuff my face with potato.
Now: this part is going to be uncomfortably familiar to anyone who has ever tried higher education with ADHD, especially unmedicated. It certainly was for me. All I can say is, I never had the courage to take the step here that Ceri did.
"I have to confess," they said quietly, and Aeron was right, they were fighting back tears. "My mental health has been so, so bad for the last fortnight. I've left it way, way too late. I don't have anything to present."
"Nothing at all?" I asked.
"I've been researching," they said helplessly. "I found loads on the decline of the hen harrier. But it wasn't until last night that I finally found a habitat feasibility study to critique. Generally... I've been burying my head about it, and it just got later and later. I thought I should come in for Aeron's lecture, and I should at least tell you."
This part is a minor thing, right? But honestly, I remember being in the grip of that particular shame spiral. I never did manage to tell my lecturers to their faces. I just avoided. I honestly can't imagine having the courage it took them to come in and tell me this, rather than just staying home and avoiding me.
"I think..." they said hesitantly, "I know I can submit up to a week late, for a capped mark. I think I need to do that, and apply for extenuating circumstances. But then I'll have both Aeron's assignment and yours due at the same time."
Which meant they would crumble under the pressure and likely struggle to pass both; so me, being as noble and heroic as I unarguably am, stopped eating potato and said, "Let's make that plan B."
(It was good potato. I am a hero.)
So, we made plan A: I moved their timeslot to 4.30, giving them three and a half hours. The shining piece of luck in this whole thing was that this was the crunch time assignment - if it had been Aeron's, they'd have had to try and write a 3000 report in that time. But for me, all they had to write was an academic poster, and those things are light on words by design. We found them a Canva template, and then we quickly sketched out a recommended structure based on the brief: if it's habitat feasibility, look at food availability, nesting site availability, and mortality risks in the target release site. Bullet point each. Bullet point how well the study assessed each. Write a quick intro and conclusion. Take notes as you go, and present the poster itself at 4.30.
"You think I should try?" they asked doubtfully, looking like I'd just asked them to go mano-a-mano with a feral badger.
"If you run out of time, so be it," I said. "But your brain is trying to protect you from a non-existent tiger. That's why you've procrastinated - it's been horrible, and you've been shame spiralling, and your brain is trying to shield you from the negative experience; but it's the wrong type of help for this situation! So while you're sitting there working on it, hating life, every time your brain goes 'This is hopeless, I can't do it', you think right back 'Yes I can, it just sucks.' And you carry on. Good?"
"Good," they said. "I'm going to mainline coffee and hole up in the library. Enjoy your potato."
And then, of course, I had to go and watch the other students' presentations, so that was the end of me being any help at all. I spent all afternoon wondering if they were going to manage it, or if I would be getting a message at 4.25 telling me they'd failed, and would have to submit late and hope for an EC.
And Tumblrs
Tumblrs
Let me FUCKING tell you
They turned up at 4.15, fifteen minutes early, wearing a mask of grim, harrowed determination and fuelled by spite and coffee, and they pulled up that poster and started presenting and yes, okay, I'll admit their actual delivery was dramatically unpolished and yes, they forgot to include the taxanomic name for the hen harrier on the poster and yes, fine, I admit that there were more than a few awkward moments where they lost their place in their hastily scribbled notebook but LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU -
They smashed it. It was well-critiqued, it had a map, it had full citations, it had a section on the hen harrier's specific ecology and role in the ecosystem, it had notes on their specific conservation measures. They described case studies they'd read about elsewhere. They answered the questions we threw at them with competence and depth. There was analysis. All that background research they'd done came right to the fore. They were even within the time limit by 15 seconds.
You would never have known they'd produced it in three hours, from a quivering and terrified mess fighting the bodily urge to dehydrate via tear ducts. After they left, the second marker and I looked at each other and went "So that was a 2:1, right?"
I caught up with Aeron downstairs and he was beaming. Apparently Ceri had seen him on their way out, and had gone over to talk to him. Aeron said the difference between the Ceri of this morning and the Ceri of then was like two different people; in four hours, they'd gone from their voice literally breaking as they admitted the problem, ashamed and broken, to being relaxed and happy and smiling.
"I reckon I've passed," they apparently told Aeron, pleased. "Maybe even a 2:2. There's things I wish I'd had the time to do better, but I'll be happy if I passed."
They won't know until late January what they got, because we're not allowed to release marks until 20 term days after hand-in, and the Christmas holidays are about to hit. But I'm really hoping I can be there when they're released.
But mostly, I'm just... insanely proud of them. I cannot tell you how happy I am. And I know, I know, obviously this is not a practice I would want to see them do regularly, or indeed ever again, and it only worked because they were fucking lucky with the assignment format, but like... when life is just punching you in the face, and you hit a breaking point... isn't it nice? That just this once, you pull off a miracle, and it's fixed? The disaster you thought was about to ruin you is gone? To get that relief?
Anyway. Super super proud today.
#I mean I'm often proud of my students of course#the warm fuzzy feeling is one of the best parts of lecturing#but MAN this one got me today#the professional world of careers and tasks#adhd
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i want to play board games. i want to play card games. i want to sit at a table where we're all in unity and competition. i want to debate the rules. i want to yell about whether a play is legal. i want to have snacks and conversation and a motive. i want to spend hours laying down words that we'll inevitably have to pull out the dictionary for. i want to say, "if i remember this correctly, because it was shown to me once over a year ago and i never learned the rules to the real game." i have no idea how to play poker, i don't think anyone does, but what i wouldn't give to learn with my friends.
#i miss late night scrabble at casual parties#i miss the last days of school where we'd have nothing to do but play the games the teachers had available#the last time i went for a game night at a friend's house it ended miserably. i want a good one.
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