#but this is why I can’t be on covid twitter because it fucks so much with my ability to do anything it makes me want to hide in the house

[hobisexually]

x

[cleolinda]

Tumblr cannot replace Twitter, or Reddit, or Instagram, or Pinterest, or vice versa. I’m not saying it can. All these sites have their own functionalities and subcultures and mores. I miss Twitter. I’ve been missing Twitter since 2015, when the tone of the whole site started going to shit.

If you are moving to any platform, it is very appreciated to just hang out for a while and observe how people do things. You can go against the culture, but you’ll be consciously choosing to do things differently.

I’ve never watched one single second of Supernatural in my entire life. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like Supernatural. We get our news from the Destiel meme. That’s just how it is.

Yeah, when I posted about welcoming people from Reddit and Twitter, I was thinking in very naive and (help me, I can’t think of the word. Not provincial. “Relating to only that which is right in front of your face”) ways about redditors I had seen arrive from Tumblr-friendly subreddits, and Twitter users I personally interact with (because who else would see me tweeting about it). Dear God, no, I don’t want most of Reddit or Twitter coming over here. My apologies for saying otherwise.

Just before Reddit imploded, I had seen people here worrying that Tumblr really was dying and was so much quieter than it used to be, so an influx of the kind of people who would want to come to Tumblr seemed like a good thing.

When I said Tumblr has been less stressful for me, I completely forgot about the time I ended up with thousands of people yelling “kill yourself” about movie theater trash on a poll I made on a whim, for a solid week. Y’all, why do you keep doing that to each other, come on.

Still less stressful than Twitter, where potentially the whole planet (hyperbole) (maybe) could see anything you fucked up about if your fuckup went viral. Also, [gestures at everything]

I feel bad that I left Tumblr (as in, I made only a few reblogs a year) for a long while, but in my defense, it wasn’t because of the porn ban, and I wasn’t on Twitter much either. I had spinal surgery and covid and just Could Not for a few years. But I did, I admit, see that Muskrat was officially taking control of Twitter last year, and I jumped back on both sites in a panic to make sure I stayed in touch with people. So I did kind of leave and come back. I’d kept up with most of the memes, at least.

I feel like I earn my keep by reblogging a lot. Reblogging stuff, especially artists who post here, goes a long way.

[skandaali]

To the post that you posted about someone saying that F1 never posted about the Abuse Lewis gets lives under a rock I swear.

I had a argument with someone saying that the Abuse Yuki, Zhou and Alex got should get the same attention as Lewis since those 3 are POCs, I remember seeing that Mattia called Yuki, Yuki Tsunami where was that Anger 🤨, what about when people mistook Alex for GP and they was giving him death threats and racist abuse, and Nicholas Latifi he had to have security at Winter Wonderland because of LH fans after 21 like I’m sorry where are the statements.

The Abuse Carlos gets from Charles fans, Max with Checo fans, Max with Lewis fans, I’m sorry but it’s time F1 start making statements for each driver because I can see it getting worse, I mean the Checo fans threatening max saying wait till you come to Mexico, like I’m sorry but this is over 1 race and Checo said he didn’t want to pass Max on team orders and even if max let him by Checo wouldn’t be second last year he’d still be 3rd.

It’s Ridiculous that these drivers get Abuse, Racist threats, Death threats and only one driver they say something out against.

Max called out his fans for burning the Mercedes’ Merch and the threats, yet Lewis never called his fans for the death threats against Latifi or even the racist abuse thrown at Alex for no reason, remember when last year in Zandvoort was it when Yuki went back out and he had to stop which brought out the safety car and people was sending hate to Hannah saying she told Alpha Tauri to send him out and she got a load of hate and one of Lewis fans on twitter came out with a statement saying they don’t condone it all Lewis did was Retweet it and then the rest of his fans bullied that person so they took it down like Wtf if you know what your fan base is like call them out it’s not hard

Sorry for the rant but it needs to be said

SPEAKING FACTS FACTS FACTS !!!!!!

F1 is full of double standards and it pisses me off so bad. ”Racism Lewis bad!!” Yes, I agree. But keep that same fucking energy to EVERYONE.

I firmly believe that if you are going waste your energy on HATING someone, at least do it the right way. I literally can’t take anyone serious when they talk about the racist abuse Lewis gets because they’re usually the same people who sent death threats to Masi and Latifi.

F1 is literally racing in countries that don’t give a fuck about these things. It’s all performative. ”We race as one” my ass bruh.

This is not only in F1. Racism against Asians is so normalized it’s disgusting. When covid started, I saw so much RACISM against Asians. But then George Floyd happened and suddenly everyone is AGAINST racism??? What the actual fuck bruh. You can’t even call these people out without being accused yourself

When Red Bull boycotted Sky Sports everyone just laughed and said Max is soft and whatever, but if it was any of the brits people would be shitting on Sky.

Also last year in Zandvoort the MISOGYNY against Hannah is fucking disgusting??? ”Praise women in motorsports!” but when a woman does her job right in a team you don’t like, it excuses blatant misogyny???

Red bull team and fans receive so much bullshit just for existing because British media has painted them as the villain and people will let their hatred blind them. Fuckin sheep i swear.

This is the exact reason why i stay out of the core community. I enjoy the sport. I love it, even. But i’m not gonna be a hypocrite. I give money every month to pay for F1TV, so technically I am part of the problem - just like everyone else. If you’re gonna speak on these issues, acknowledge your (and your favourite’s) hypocrisy because if you don’t you just show you lack braincells

[wh4thefnk]

Lily clearly pulled a “nevermind hoe” with that married man tho 💀💀//

yeah i have to think that the novelty of dating him or just being around him might wear off quick depending on the person’s personality 💀 especially for someone already as famous and successful as lily james. he doesn’t really have anything that she can’t already get for herself so she doesn’t have to force herself to tolerate him for some benefits lmao

i’ve never been a marvel fan or in marvel circles so i remember my honest first impression of chris wasn’t stellar and i honestly couldn’t understand all the hype around him. yes he’s attractive but the way people talk you would think he’s literally the only attractive man ever to exist and there’s no man that surpasses or even matches his attractiveness it’s so wild. like it was genuinely very confusing to me???? i was like lowkey this man looks like a pencil what are you seeing please

but i was like this many people can’t be wrong right? and maybe i’m just being overly judgmental so i watched some of his interviews and i thought this man is a little phony like his laughing where he clutches his left pec is a bit over the top and the way he would talk over people was a bit questionable at times but then i watched some of his more reflective stuff and i know he wasn’t saying anything hugely profound but i was like huh maybe there is another side to him and he genuinely has a desire to explore “deeper” topics and he’s not just a basic white bread overgrown disney kid with basic tastes 💀 mind you this was covid so like i had time lmao

so i started warming to him because i admired the thoughtfulness i thought i saw in him and i was like maybe his big ass laughing is genuine and he really is just that joyous and dorky and dumb in a jumbo way and maybe i just can’t relate because we’ve had different life experiences and i started to see him differently especially when i saw his interactions with scott and lisa i was like ohhhh that’s just how your family is valid plus when he was being so vocal about social justice issues i was like okay maybe you alright white man. i liked that he had such a sense of justice and connection to humanity and what was right and wrong that he felt compelled to speak even though he did not need to. ohhh you’re gonna make a whole ass political platform even though you’re not a politician because you’re just that passionate? wow okay respect 🫡

like obviously he still said and did some dumb white man things because he is a dumb white man in a world that allows dumb white men to remain dumb white men. like why are you as a white man speaking on kanye? shhhh 🤫 why are you saying a black family forgiving the murder of their loved one is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? like that’s gross fr i’m begging please shut up shut up shut up 🤐 why did you think participating in a white savior movie was a good idea? why was asp going to do a series in the middle east that you didn’t go through with bc twitter rightfully dragged your ass so bad????? why do you seem so pro military and pro police? 😭 why did you autograph a prop bomb that represents the killings of innocent people? but my ass really thought he was genuine and his heart was in the right place and he would grow in his activism as he was exposed to new ideas 🙄 i know I’M the dummy

i don’t even know what i’m saying atp lmao the peer pressure brainwashing worked i guess like i don’t think he’s satan but maybe he is very much just some obnoxious guy who laughs too loud and deep down i still don’t understand why the karolinas and captreginas in his fandom find him so remarkable and magical and even the general public too. people REALLY like him. is he truly truly objectively that goddamn fucking attractive? like is it actually that serious? is it literally just the steve rogersificaion of his public image? i don’t even know where i stand anymore i’m just here observing🧍‍♀️

SORRY for the novel 😭����

(also curious to know your first impressions of chris? are you an og fan? 👀)

Don’t worry bestie, feel free to vent 😂

I had been into Chris for a while, I witnessed him dating Minka and everything; never got in the depths of the fandom tho, I guess lurking never piqued my interest. And through the years my attention to him has swayed on and off.

My impression of him is that I found him endearing and sounded like a genuinely nice guy (and maybe he is, specially in a social level) and honestly I enjoyed his movies; to this day I think that as an actor he had or has potential to be better. And of course he’s done things that at first glance can easily charmed the public into thinking he’s very unique; for example having a political platform and being outspoken about certain things; he’s the guy with the cute dog that he rescued; it might sound silly but I genuinely liked him dating age appropriate women, I did think that little fact set him apart and (the worst of all, now I understand how this isn’t necessarily a nice/kind pov) dating Jenny did wonders for his image somehow, I vividly remember talking to another fan about this, how non-superficial he was for dating her, that it showed he valued character and personality the most 🤩

Maybe the peer pressure worked on me too 😂 I don’t think he’s the devil or anything; I would say he’s just disappointing; and I see character flaws coming to the surface right now, stuff that do not necessarily align with how he was portrayed, plus learning and rethinking other things. I definitely do not see him the same way anymore. I mean at the end it’s his life and he doesn’t owe strangers anything; but I guess we are also in the court of public opinion.

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (662): Mon 8th Jan 2024

I felt like letting out a rebel yell as soon as I woke up this morning as it was my final work day before my holiday. True I was only in for five hours but the day before your holiday always drags like a bitch. Even if I was only supposed to be in for an hour that hour would’ve felt like a fucking month. I took the precaution of wearing mask to work today because I didn’t want to risk one of the dirty bastards I work with giving me covid. I don’t know why I stopped wearing a mask to be honest as I never minded wearing it during the pandemic. Not only did I not get covid (or any kind of cold or cough or runny nose) while I wore it but also it stopped people having to look at my face, my hideous hideous face. Anywho the five hours went by fairly quickly to be honest so I can’t complain that much but these bastards made me work an extra day plus an extra hour a day over Christmas so I’ll complain all I want thank you very much. When I got home I had a nice nap before tuning into this evenings Hollyoaks which featured the much anticipated revelation of who killed Rayne and it turns out it was Romeo and the whole Hollyoaks fan base is shocked, SHOCKED…well not that shocked I mean who the fuck else was it going to be, Dale Winton? It turns out that Rayne was physically attacking Romeo so he pushed her in self defence and she hit her head on the floor and fell into the pool and drowned. Just think if Romeo and Rayne had had their fight on a bouncy castle Rayne would still be alive. I still think they made a mistake writing Jemma Donovan out of the show as she is a 10/10 goddess babe sex machine and the makers of this show need more of these to bring back the viewers who ditched the show a long time ago after it stopped being about sexy young people and became more about average looking older people. There was a moment early in the episode where Tom caught a glance of Dilly sending a naked photo of herself to Rafe which she then bollocked Tom for and input the following hypothetical exchange on Twitter at the end of the episode: Dilly: Did you get the nudie photo I sent you? Rafe: No. Let me see…..where's my phone? (Cut to Tom sneaking out of the house clutching Rafe's phone) Tom: MY PRECIOUS!!

[sebastiancroftupdates]

Sebastian Croft: ‘I feel so fortunate to be in 4000 Miles, and a responsibility not to fuck it up’

If things had been different, Sebastian Croft might have found himself sitting in the audience watching Eileen Atkins perform in a new production of 4000 Miles. Instead, he is in rehearsals to star in the revival of Amy Herzog’s play alongside one of UK theatre’s foremost acting dames.

“I’d booked to see 4000 Miles multiple times when it was going to be at London’s Old Vic,” he says. “I was so excited to watch it.”

Atkins had been due to star opposite Hollywood star Timothée Chalamet, directed by the Old Vic’s Matthew Warchus, but Covid-19 scuppered that production in 2020.

Now, the play has found a new revival – still with Atkins, but this time staged at Chichester Festival Theatre and directed by Richard Eyre.

Croft now finds himself taking on the role that had been earmarked for Chalamet. It was, he says, “a no-brainer” to agree to being involved. “I’d have sold my soul to be part of it.” 

Croft, 21, is one of the UK’s fastest-rising stars. Following his big break as the titular Dickensian orphan in Sam Mendes’ 2010 West End production of Oliver!, he has had starring roles in musicals Matilda and The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13¾, and taken on Shakespeare in King John. He’s been BAFTA-nominated for the film of Horrible Histories and acted in Game of Thrones. Most recently, he’s brought to life the manipulative, closeted Ben Hope in Netflix’s hugely popular version of Alice Oseman’s queer graphic-novel Heartstopper. His Twitter account is jokingly called the B*n H*pe Hate Club.

In 4000 Miles, Croft plays Leo, who arrives at 3am at his grandmother Vera’s (Atkins) apartment in New York’s West Village. He’s just completed a 4,000-mile bike ride from Washington State, during which time he’s suffered a terrible loss. Over a month, Herzog’s beautifully understated play charts the distance and the closeness of their fractious intergenerational relationship. They communicate across faded door labels, stories of failed marriages and Vera’s faltering memory. It’s a well-shaded portrait of family.

Croft and I speak early in rehearsals, over a sometimes erratic Zoom connection. (He smilingly references a scene in 4000 Miles where Leo can’t get FaceTime to work.) On why he likes the play, he says: “It’s gentle and quiet. It asks a lot of questions and doesn’t answer them, which I love.” He’s fascinated by the intergenerational dynamic of two people who are “both quite far left, but she’s an old-school lefty and he’s new wave. There’s a lot of difference in terms of what they think is acceptable and not acceptable”. He finds that a “way more interesting” set-up than if it were just conservative versus liberal.

Croft’s enthusiasm for the people he’s working with is palpable. He’s been running lines with Atkins at her home and describes her as “a master of her craft”.

He adds: “It’s a really wonderful experience to spend this much time with someone who’s been part of British theatre for so long.” Croft says he has taken on board Atkins’ approach “to keep it simple, rather than doing a lot of academic work on who these people are”, to avoid “putting things into the characters that aren’t in the script”.

He’s taking as much as he can from Atkins and Eyre. “The stories they can tell – you just want to sit back and absorb it all,” he says. “I feel really fortunate to be playing this part – and a responsibility not to fuck it up.”

Croft has been acting since the age of seven. The transition from child star to adult actor has an infamously long and rocky history. How has he approached it?

“I was actually quite conscious of it,” he says, “because I love acting so much and was terrified that it would just disappear.” Alongside Game of Thrones, he credits playing Arthur in Trevor Nunn’s 2016 production of King John at the Rose Theatre in Kingston as a “stepping stone”.

“I got to lean into being an actor, rather than a ‘musical theatre kid’. ” That journey, he says, is far from over. “I’m grateful for all the experiences I’ve had until now, but I’m incredibly aware of how new I am to this.”

Croft is of a generation of actors who have also grown up in the spotlight of social media. He has 560,000 followers on Twitter. He admits he’s still “trying to figure out” his relationship with such platforms.

“Like a lot of things in life,” he says, “there are good and bad parts. I think finding the balance is something we’re all still getting used to.

“But feeling connected to the people watching what you’re making is a beautiful thing,” he says, smiling. And a series like Heartstopper, he adds, has a “lovely community of people that connect to it in a way they wouldn’t be able to without social media”. Since it debuted last year, he and his co-stars have also used Twitter to support LGBTQ+ causes.   

From talking animatedly about Michael Caine’s autobiography to keeping a running list of inspiring quotes on his phone, Croft’s love of acting pours off the screen. Yet he used to worry that being dyslexic would hold him back. “A lot of time in school, you’re made to feel stupid about it.”

Now, he subscribes to fellow dyslexic actor Josh O’Connor’s view, “that it adds quite a lot to you, as a creative”. Taking longer than some to read a play can mean “you get more out of it”, he elaborates. “Once I’ve got the characters and the emotional arc, I tend to find getting the lines, the world of it, easier.”

After a run of TV work, Croft is relishing being back on stage, particularly the room for exploration in the rehearsal period. “We rehearsed for Heartstopper,” he says, “but that’s quite rare for film or TV.”

“In theatre, you get the time to just sit with a play. You get a greater sense of your character’s journey and the building blocks that need to be in place to get there.” He’s looking forward to “finding a different flow or discovering something new” each night. He thinks that it’ll be like “an intense game of tennis”, acting opposite Atkins.

For Croft, it’s all about honing his craft. A play such as 4000 Miles “is a great opportunity to learn, to get better and hopefully lay foundations for the actor I want to become. And that’s exciting,” he says. “Yesterday, someone asked: ‘How was rehearsal?’ I said: ‘I can’t wait to be back again tomorrow.’ ”

[orionsangel86]

SPN Conspiracies - Applying Logic to Chaos

Its been over 2 months now since the Supernatural finale aired. I am still so angry, hurt, and confused by it and I don’t think I will ever get closure unless someone like Andrew Dabb, or Jensen Ackles, actually opens up and gives us an explanation that makes sense.

What annoys me most right now is people trying to gaslight fans into believing that we should accept the narrative we have been given at face value: That the finale was always planned to be that way, that Destiel was never on the cards, that there was no Network interference, that the only changes made were due to covid and were minor at best.

This harmful gaslighting is FALSE.

NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED.

Look, I don’t agree with some of the crazier conspiracy theories. I don’t believe that there was some huge campaign among the CW Network execs to remove anything remotely gay out of homophobia. I don’t believe that the finale was changed because of some desire to make it into a Walker promo. I don’t believe that the finale was really bad on purpose in protest by Dabb for not getting to do an ending he truly wanted. I don’t believe that Dabb left us smart fans a bunch of secret messages in the finale to hint that he was on our side all along and that everything was fake.

I do, however, believe that all of these conspiracy theories have some elements in them that are plausible. At least, more plausible than the bullshit narrative mentioned above that some people are pushing in some desperate attempt to defend the Network (which imo is really strange behaviour anyway - why would anyone care about a TV network with a history of terrible behaviour?!?)

We have facts, based on information provided before the covid lockdown, which for some reason, people like Misha have since backpeddled on. So let me try to outline some of the information that makes no sense.

Below the cut I go on a deep dive into the conspiracies and statements I have heard about the SPN finale and try to make some sense of this whole fucked up situation. It gets long.

1. “Cas was never gonna be in the finale”.

False: We have many fan accounts of Misha confirming that he was filming the finale. We have video evidence of Misha confirming he was going back to film the finale after the lockdown. We have confirmation from fans in Misha M&Gs from March that he had about 5 days of filming left.

We also had fan accounts of discussions with Alex Calvert (I think) where he confirmed the final shot of the final episode was all four of them though I would LOVE if someone can find a source for this.

2. Okay, Misha was gonna be in the finale, but only as Jimmy Novak

False: I heavily side eyed Misha when he said this. But I think I can come up with a plausible explanation for it. Per above, Misha was supposed to film for 5 days. This does not align with the half a day he described of filming as Jimmy Novak. My own belief is that after Cas was cut from the finale (for whatever reason we don’t know) someone (probably Jensen Ackles) put up a fight and complained that Misha should be there for the final episode. The writers probably tried to come up with a way to bring Misha back without having to deal with Cas, and pitched the idea of Jimmy Novak being in Heaven. Misha, obviously annoyed about this, turned this stupid pitch down.

3. Destiel was never a thing, never planned, never part of Dabb’s ending. Bobo and Misha pushing the confession was the part of the season that was Wrong.

False: We have a SPN writer on record saying that Castiel’s confession was the first thing written for Season 15 when the writers returned to the writers room. If it wasn’t planned, why was it the first thing written, why does it align so well with the rest of season 15? Look I know some people either a. hate destiel and refuse to see it even if it slaps them in the face, or b. have major heteronormative goggles on, or c. are just homophobes in denial, but 15x18 fits in perfectly with the narrative of season 15. Everything Cas says, everything that happened in that scene was so in character it just works. It fit. If you just rewatch the season whilst applying some critical thinking skills and pay attention to the narrative and character arcs, trust me, the confession fits in with pretty much every other plot point, and character story in the season.

Also: We have known for a while that the network did market research into Destiel, wanting to know if it would go down well or not. They were well aware of its popularity and considering it. Where would this have come from if not pitched by the showrunner? Dabb must have at least been considering it. If you take all of Dabb era into consideration, starting with mid season 11, all the way through the season 12 build up, season 13 grief arc, and then Bobo’s Destiel break up arc in late season 14, early season 15, it is clear that there was some toing and froing on the issue of Destiel, but ultimately, I still believe that Dabb was on board. He wrote 13x01 for christs sake. No way he wasn’t taking it seriously.

 4. It’s always been about the brothers. The finale just stays true to what Supernatural is all about.

*rubs temples* Fundamentally FALSE: The show has time and again reasserted the message of “Family don’t end with blood”, as well as the messages of AKF and YANA. Sam and Dean may be at the heart of the show, but a heart can’t exist without a body to support it. Without bones, and lungs, and blood, and muscles, and a BRAIN. The finale abandons the shows core messages. It forces the characters back into their season 1 characterisations and the whole thing becomes hollow and souless. But I’m not here to complain, I’m here to lay down the facts. Dean’s heaven was supposed to be surrounded by loved ones right? We know OG Charlie Bradbury was gonna be in his Heaven, we also know CAS was gonna be in there. So this idea that the finale as it currently stands was how it was meant to be is wrong. Dean was supposed to die and reunite with his found family and loved ones. This alone would have been a far better ending than the one given. Do I think this was solely a covid issue? Fuck no.

The randoms that WERE in the finale are proof alone that they could have got people in and quarantined. We also have several actors on record saying that they WOULD have quarantined for the finale had they been asked to return but they WEREN’T.

Lies have been told. Samantha Ferris and Chad Limberg have confirmed that we have been lied to about the original plans for the finale.

This alone is proof enough that there is more plausibility in some of the conspiracy theories than any bullshit narrative some people are pushing in defence of the barbaric mess of a finale we were given.

So lets address some of the conspiracy theories now:

Conspiracy No.1: The CW Network reviewed Supernatural during the covid break, and due to homophobia, refused any Destiel arc that wasn’t already filmed, shut down any potential reciprocation from Dean, and forced Dabb to change his finale.

I don’t think this is entirely what happened. But I do think it is very strange how there is a such a huge disconnect particularly in Dean’s characterisations between what had come before the lockdown, and what came after. The one fact we have here, and please someone provide a source if you can find it because I know there is one, the finale script was still going through changes up to only 2 weeks before it was filmed. We know that there was some weird editing in 15x18 (which was still in post and uncompleted before lockdown) and we know from Jensen’s own mouth that there was more to the confession scene on Dean’s side that was cut. We also know that this isn’t the first time that Destiel heavy moments have been changed in post - the prayer scene is another big scene that went through a lot of changes and Bobo fought to have his script play out the way he wanted it.

There are certain things that in my own opinions, are basically true of SPN which I have put together from years of keeping one eye on the writers room, the network, and all the various comments made. My opinion is this:

The writers room has always been split on Destiel. Some writers heavily supported making it canon, others did not care, or were against it.

The Network considered it over the course of several years, did market research, green lit it, then changed their minds, possibly several times over the course of Dabb’s era. Destiel was pitched to the Network early in Dabb era.

The crew on set were also split. Some people heavily supported it, and worked to assist the reading, whereas others did not care/did not support it. The same can be said for the editing room.

Bob Singer supported the subtextual homoeroticism, but never supported bringing it into text (this is an opinion, but I think it aligns with everything we know about him.) IMO Bob Singer also supported subtextual homoeroticism between Sam and Dean - the guy is gross is what I’m saying. He isn’t exactly a progressive person.

Fun fact - a while back our old enemy Sera Gamble went on a Twitter rant about writers rooms and the ways a script goes through changes. I don’t think this was in relation to the SPN finale wank but she basically inadvertantly confirmed that the Network can step in and make sweeping changes to a script if they want to and if they decide they don’t like the direction of a story. Sera Gamble confirmed this as a fact.

Now. I’m not saying that this is what the CW did with Destiel. I just think its very strange how pre lockdown, the last thing filmed is a heartfelt homosexual declaration of love between Dean and Cas, and we have a finale script that Misha had not seen, but knew that he was meant to film as Castiel for 5 days (5 days on set is over half of an episode as far as I know). Then all of a sudden, Covid happens, and Cas is cut from the finale completely, a desperate attempt to bring Misha back only as Jimmy Novak takes place, which Misha rightly refuses, leading to a finale which makes zero sense narratively and appears in every way completely and utterly butchered.

The only explanation provided by anyone involved is that Covid meant changes had to happen - but that covid didn’t change the actual story at all.

But this makes no sense because we know that Cas was cut from the finale. This is FACT. Do not let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Misha was preparing to quaranting to return to set as Cas post Covid, so whatever happened to cut Cas from the finale, it wasn’t Covid.

I’m gonna have to Occum’s Razor this and say that the most logical explanation here is the one that is most likely true. Someone got cold feet with the Destiel story, and to prevent any possible interpretation that included Dean reciprocating, any hints of Destiel were removed from the finale script, including Castiel’s whole appearance.

Now, this isn’t me saying I think that Dabb’s original finale was full of Destiel love confessions and a homosexual kiss or whatever, but I am asking you all to really think about it and ask yourselves WHY Cas would have been totally cut from an episode he was supposed to be in at LEAST half of? 

We will probably never know the real reason Cas was cut, but he WAS cut. I’m not saying it was all homophobia, but some fuckery went down.

Conspiracy No. 2: The CW Network changed the finale to make it into a Walker promo because they only cared about raising up Jared and not Jensen and Misha as they were losing them anyway.

I don’t agree with this in terms of the finale being butchered solely to make it into a Walker promo. There are however moments in the finale that are clearly supposed to be Walker Easter Eggs and added to excite fans of Jared/Sam in particular such as Sam’s gratuitous and unnecessary topless scene, as well as the call on the “case in Austin”.

I will take this moment to say something pretty damn controversial though.

*Deep breath*

The fact is, Dean Winchester has been the “lead” character of Supernatural’s narrative for years now, with Sam often being sidelined and not given great storylines himself. Even in Season 15, right up until the finale, I myself felt bad for Sam sometimes because so much of this show has become all about Dean. Jensen Ackles is clearly the better actor when it comes to emotional story arcs, so the emotional heart of the story has most often leant on him.

So you can understand my confusion, when this is turned on its head in the final episode, to make Sam carry all the emotional weight, and have the most lines/screentime, and story resolution (even if his story resolution was just as crappy as Dean’s).

If we pretend that Destiel is not a thing, and ignore Cas’s confession, the story change in the finale from Dean focus to Sam focus is still rather suspicious. Again, I’m not saying I completely approve of or agree to the conspiracy theory that Walker influenced the butchering of the script, but I can believe that perhaps a note went down from the CW to someone like Bob Singer, to emphasise Sam/Jared more than they perhaps would normally, because the CW wanted to shine the spotlight on Jared to raise excitement for Walker.

I can also believe this note might have said something like “we wanna cater to fans of Sam/Jared the most - don’t do anything to piss them off.” but now I am getting into my own conspiracy theories so by all means dismiss this as me being bitter.

Conspiracy No.3: Dabb purposely made it bad, as a secret message to Destiel fans that he had been silenced, by layering meta clues into the episode that he knew fans would notice.

I doubt this one is true. Though some of the theories are quite compelling. The old vampire silent movie theory for instance starts off quite well, but loses me the moment it brings up Urban Dictionary slang.

Sometimes I have just had to accept that Supernatural is a bad show that is sometimes accidentally a masterpiece. However, some writers really did go That Deep with their stories - anything by Ben Edlund or Steve Yockey for instance, their episodes are meta masterpieces with a hundred different layers of beautiful subtextual storytelling and are a joy to analyse. Bobo Berens has certainly done some A+++ work especially now we KNOW that he was working hard all this time to bring Destiel to canon text (so any analysis of Destiel in the subtext in his episodes is very accurate). There have been many other key elements analysed over the years which have been confirmed true. Cas’s death in Season 12, Dean’s time as a demon in season 10, Season 11 ending in unity of dark and light, these were all plot points predicted by meta writers just by analysing the narrative. Sometimes the writers really have been very smart and they do add things to the show to aid us in our meta.

Richard Speight Jr for instance, confirmed that SPN has a visual library that the production team use to give clues and hints in the narrative. Pizza, for example, always means a lie has been told. Whenever Pizza is being eaten or even just mentioned on screen, there is dishonesty in that particular moment.

The beers also have a very specific message and the one thing I can’t let go about the finale, was that Dean was drinking El Sol beer. The beer his dad gave him, that was terrible.

El Sol has been used in the show to indicate something being wrong, a fake reality, or another lie, for the longest time. It is the beer of deception.

The fact that in the final episode of this entire show, Dean is in Heaven, supposedly at peace, and then he gets handed an El Sol beer to drink? Thats a HUGE red flag for any meta writer watching who can read SPNs visual library.

If they had given him the Margiekugel beer of family then it would make sense. Dean is in Heaven, with Bobby, his family, at peace. Margiekugel should have been the beer of choice. But nope. El Sol. Something is wrong.

I don’t know if it was Dabb, or Singer, or some disgruntled ADs and crew members who added these elements into the finale, but their very presence confirms some message of Wrongness.

I could go into a huge rant about Vampire Mimes not making sense and the very glaringly obvious symbolism of cutting out peoples tongues too, but that is high school level film analysis. It’s obvious. It means to silence someone. There is validity in interpreting this as Dabb saying he was silenced. I don’t know how true it is, but i can’t 100% dismiss it, because as I said, this is high school analysis levels of obvious subtextual storytelling.

So in summary, whilst I don’t think that Dabb intentionally went out of his way to sabotage his own script, and leave a breadtrail of secret messages for savvy fans to put together to confirm that he was silenced by an evil network into not getting what he wanted... I do think that there is validity in questioning these odd choices for the finale. Cutting out tongues? Vampire Mimes? El Sol beer?

The evidence is somewhat compelling is all I’m saying. I don’t believe the full conspiracy theories, but as I have said many times before, some fuckery went down.

So What Do I Believe?

That some fuckery went down and whatever company line they are pushing is bullshit.

I believe that the original script included Cas (since thats fact). I believe that the original script probably always had Dean dying on a vampire hunt (due to Jensen’s issues with it and in particular, his sarcastic comments about vampires in the past year or so which in hindsight are hilarious and prove he never really came to terms with Dean’s idiotic death). I believe Dabb’s original script was some less crappy version of what we got, which potentially included showing Jack rescuing Cas from the Empty and resolving the outstanding Empty plot points (potentially this was actually a 15x19 plot since Mark P commented that his final scenes were supposed to be with Jack and Cas), had Cas reunite with Dean in Heaven and had them have a discussion about Cas’s confession. I believe that there was probably a lot of back and forth over how to handle that with some people wanting Dean to obviously reciprocate and others believing they should keep it ambiguous. I believe that Dean and Cas would have reunited with Charlie Bradbury, and Bobby Singer, and possibly others (though if this was the case it must have been very early on since no one ever looped in Sam Ferris, Chad Linberg or any other Roadhouse people).

I believe that Sam’s ending probably didn’t change much, but I do feel that initially they were planning on him ending up with Eileen, because it is the only thing that narratively makes sense. Cutting Eileen and giving him a blurry wife is something I won’t ever understand and Jared’s bullshit explanations are quite clearly pulled out of his ass to appease bronly types. I believe the reunion on the bridge would have included Cas and Jack, with a final shot of all four of them together, at peace (as this aligns with Alex’s comments from around a year or so ago that the final shot was all four of them). (I also am not sure it was always supposed to be on a bridge since the foreshadowing in an earlier episode showed Dean, Cas and Sam all in the Roadhouse together).

I believe that script went through countless changes and redrafts, and not even production people or the types that some fandom people claim as their “sources” would even have seen those early scripts, since even Misha never saw it. I believe that these rumours of Dabb never having Cas in his finale and ignoring all Destiel elements likely come from people who only saw later versions, weren’t party to network discussions and felt bitter about the final scripts they did see (being the crappy butchered one that was ultimately filmed). Those “sources” are now spreading rumours to discredit Dabb.

I obviously believe Dabb is a weak ass pushover who either didn’t care enough to fight back, or gave up since he’s been stuck with fucking Bob Singer on his back for years, but I will NEVER believe he didn’t care about the DeanCas love story, because he has been one of the few writers who has championed for it for years. You can’t look back at Dabb’s episodes in earlier seasons and claim he didn’t care. Dabb was a writer whose creative ideas were beaten out of him by an unforgiving Network only concerned about where their future money was coming from. Do I think he gave up too easily? Yes. But I also have one other huge reason for not believing the bullshit about Dabb being this anti-Destiel villain.

Bobo. Because if Bobo truly believed Dabb was gonna fuck that up at the end, I don’t think he would have given us Cas’s love confession to begin with. If he had known it was gonna end like that, I think he would have reconsidered, because had Cas not confessed his love, I don’t think he would have been cut from the finale. Bobo - a gay man, would not have wanted such a horrible message for queer fans being put across in the show he worked so hard on. He started writing that confession scene the day they returned to the writers room. Dabb would have been there, would have seen what he was writing, probably discussed it with him, after all, other episodes were written with the confession in mind. No way was Dabb planning to fuck up the ending knowing what Bobo was giving us. Nope.

Something went very wrong over lockdown. Someone, somewhere up the chain of power caught wind of the confession scene in 15x18, realised that it demanded a resolution which would make Dean Winchester, their protagonist, queer, and pulled the plug. I believe this did not come from a place of homophobia, but of bad business sense.

The CW is constantly trying to win the approval and attention of the one demo group that they seem to fail at getting the most: young straight men. Supernatural was one of their only remaining shows that appeals to young straight men, and Dean Winchester is more often than not the fave character of those young straight men who project onto him. Making Dean Winchester, established Han Solo of Supernatural, queer and in love with his best friend in the finale would have come across as a betrayal to those young straight men. The CW probably feared they would lose that demo group for good, and with a show like Walker starting soon with Jared at the helm, they couldn’t take the risk.

Hence there was probably a whole bunch of back and forth script redrafts with the Network, with Dabb and Singer fighting to make a finale that would appeal to everyone. There was most likely no way that they could bring Cas back without addressing what had already been filmed, because any resolution of that plot would either a. make Dean queer, or b. address it awkwardly by having Dean reject Cas (this storyline would probably have been slammed by critics worse than the finale because it meant addressing it. It might have got the attention of LGBTQ activist groups and caused a bigger shitstorm than what we got). The best option was therefore C. Bury it and Cas, pretend it never happened. Never address it again and distract Dean with other things. Hope that Destiel fans will accept no answer from Dean as ambiguous enough to imagine a future reunion rather than shutting it down with a rejection, and still keep hold of the blissfully ignorant heteronormative straight boys so they can carry over to Walker when it starts.

I also believe (controversially probably) that there was concern that any resolution of Dean and Cas would have overshadowed network darling Jared Padalecki. If Dean and Cas had come together in the finale, with a very clearly textual homosexual reunion, then that would have been all anyone talked about. The reviewers, the critics, the audience, everyone. It would have been nothing but Dean and Cas (and look, if they did think this, they were right, Destiel trending over the US ELECTION.)

So what is the network to do, when they are losing the two stars who would get the most attention from this storyline? The one star they were holding on to and getting his own show, relegated to third place in the finale of the show where he was first on the call sheet? Nope. That’s pretty unacceptable. Even without Walker I can imagine people at all levels side eyeing the Destiel thing over the years. This IS a show about two brothers, and their relationship should be the core relationship, we can’t have one brother pushed aside in the finale to make way for a queer relationship that will get all the attention instead. It was never gonna get approved for this reason ALONE.

At the end of the day, if I look at it from a business perspective, it makes far more sense that the CW shut down Destiel, rather than “oh Dabb never cared and ruined it because he’s an idiot.” The writers cared, and had built on that story over years. But their mistake was leaving any Destiel resolution to the finale. If they had instead gone and got Dean and Cas together in early season 15, then they could have ended it in a way that satisfied everyone. Destiel wouldn’t have threatened pulling focus away from Sam and Dean, and the show could have gone out on a high.

When I lay out all the conspiracy theories, and line them up next to the cold hard facts, the conspiracy theories in some way or another, make more sense. To believe the company line, the narrative we have been fed, is to ignore your own eyes, ears, and memories pre March 2020.

All I’m asking people to do is take a look at the show, the narrative presented in the show, and the information presented above. I’m not telling you to believe what I’ve written here, half of which is just my own opinion. I’m asking you to ask yourselves if it makes sense to you. Because it sure as hell doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied.

[aoitrinity]

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it. 

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in. 

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length. 

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages. 

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money. 

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments. 

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve. 

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

[shijiujun]

on the danmei twitter fight

okay guys i didn’t wanna say anything about this and yes it’s that hot danmei twitter translations saga thing that’s going on, because honestly i feel like there’s nothing much to say but when i see dumb posts on tumblr taking about that, by people who present a misleading hot take and their friends or moots run off with it without even knowing what exactly is going on - it really pisses me off.

and also if you shit talk translators for not continuing their translations or locking their translations whatever - the door is that way on your right and left, but anyway here’s a rundown on what happened because i am seeing people make comments without two brain cells put together, without the slightest bit of consideration for the people who bring them translations

here’s my hot take and thesis: if you enjoy english translations made by fan translators, you don’t, in any way, no matter happens, shit talk fan translators. fan translators do this for free, and whatever their intentions are, whether genuine sharing or like some of you like to say, for clout, if you consume, and you enjoy these translations, i’m sorry, you’re not uninvolved, and you don’t get to sit on a high horse and say translators should or shouldn’t do something. you should just keep quiet, honestly, because someone else is doing you a favour, a favour that you are enjoying and taking. that’s what respect is.

i’m presenting both sides or i guess three sides of the story as objectively as i can, altho my support is still for fan translators who were just minding their own business before this blew up.

===

🔺 what happened:

so it started because one of the bigger translators in the fandom did this poll - i’m not blaming her at all, i doubt she had any intentions of shaming anyone or causing any controversy and was plain curious, but her poll asked english speaking danmei twitter how many people buy the digital, print copies of the danmei they read, and who did not. 

in my honest opinion, it’s not strange at all for her to have created that poll, considering just how much work she’s put into making sure things are accessible for the eng-speaking danmei fandom. i mean i’d be curious too, to know out of my thousands of readers, what the reading and buying behaviour is like. do yourself a favour and don’t read too much into it.

obviously in an era where a lot of people do consume content for free whether the underlying content is profit-making (like anime, donghua, manhua, manga etc.) or not (fanfiction etc.), it was unsurprising to see that the last option - the ones who consume danmei without paying a single cent, came out as the majority. i don’t think this is a surprising result at all, for all sorts of reasons that i will not get into now.

anyway, this is obviously kind of a sore point in the fandom especially for translators who want a wider audience to support their fave author’s works - i won’t get into that for now, but the issue began because other translators or fans started to criticize the majority of people who don’t pay for objectively rather affordable danmei and just consume things for free. 

and yes, i don’t deny that the argument on both sides got really heated and emotionally charged with both sides calling each other names which i believe is uncalled for, but it totally derailed the crux of the issue, which basically is that the majority of english-speaking danmei fandom - consumes danmei for free.

anyway this whole thing escalated and fan translators were brought into this for no fucking reason at all except that the people who didn’t want, or were unable to pay for the danmei they usually consume, made what i call a LOGICAL FALLACY in argument by going to the extremes, i will explain why later.

the end result is that fan translators were brought into this (most of them, the bigger ones i know at least) without even participating in the direct crossfire. and obviously, you can see why they’re hurt and decided to lock their translations. let me explain why

===

🔺 kind of like four camps:

(1) translators and fans who criticized those who consume danmei liberally but do not pay for them in any way - no merch, no digital copies, no physical copies, no audio dramas whatever

*** their arguments:

danmei is so cheap right, that technically people should be able to pay for it in one way or another, even if not all

danmei and its authors are, at the end of the day, out here to earn a living, and the industry, like any money-making industry, is a for-profit enterprise - and unlike public goods, if you cannot afford danmei, then there is no obligation for others to make it free for you (fan translators or otherwise, it wasn’t super clearly stated while this shitshow happened) when it is inherently a for-profit industry

yes, i don’t deny that some of them did call the peeps who don’t pay at all, “leeches” and other sort of names. personally, i wouldn’t go that far or even like venture there to be honest because in general, if it’s something that i’ll get punched in the face for if i called someone that in real life i tend not to do it, but i’ll leave my opinions, whatever they’re worth, for later

(2) the readers and fans of danmei who do not pay in any sort of way for them

*** their arguments:

some of them really cannot afford, even the dollar or more, to spend on danmei for several reasons: upbringing, culture, money-spending mindsets, real poverty, struggling to make ends meet etc. - some definitely more valid than others (and when i say not valid, it’s because SOME, a minority or like those few stragglers, say they cannot afford and then you see them like idk, throwing $50 on other merch on kpop and stuff - i’m just bringing up ONE example. not shaming anyone for spending more money on one aspect rather than the other, but yeah you can see why some of them, when making this same argument, are a little invalid, that’s just a small number of them tho)

if translators are blaming them for consuming free of charge, then the fault lies, at its foundation, fan translators who translate illegally, which i mean, in that definition, all of them including me 

did i mention that we were called illegal translators like you know in response to being called leeches? anyway-

(3) others translators who literally were just minding their own fucking business before some smart alec dragged them into it

i don’t think most of us had an argument. we were just quietly munching on popcorn and staying out of it and yeah, can you imagine, we provide a service, however illegal it is, for free on our own time, we don’t even check whether people support legally or not, we just... provide, and pray that those who are able to, at least support in some small way or another do so, on their own time. i mean i don’t check, most of us don’t, not the bouncers at your local club before COVID happened do, and then suddenly, to be used to derail an argument, we were called illegal translators. and that we should stop translating, and that it is our fault that there are free riders in the fandom

(4) people who offered to provide JJWXC credits to those who said they couldn’t afford it etc.

honestly i think they were just trying to help - no different than a gofundme. there’s no shame in taking a free thing that people already weren’t intending to pay for. it’s there, just take it!

===

🔺 the shitshow that led to fan translators locking their stuff up:

i would provide some actual examples in the form of screenshots but i’ve blocked most of them, and i don’t want to direct any sort of traffic to them so i guess you’ll have to take my word on it or go search on twitter yourself but-

(1) the affordability issue: i can understand the frustration at being called leeches, and some if not a majority of people, do have valid reasons for not being able to afford something or anything and end up pirating content they enjoy. hey, i am not about to crucify anyone for pirating at some point in their lives. we all have done it at some point, or for example hate disney+ and that $30 they were trying to rip off us for a subpar Mulan live action. i don’t have anything to say about that. inherently, is it wrong and illegal? yeah sure of course it is. do we call people leeches? i wouldn’t go that far.

if anyone cannot afford, cannot access for whatever reason, fine, i’m not gonna go check if jjwxc truly is banned in your country, or is your postal service so terrible that you definitely won’t be able to receive a hard copy of the book you like at affordable rates.

and if you have to pirate? go ahead. i mean it’s always been a rampant thing. the only thing fan translators and fans can do is encourage, motivate and incentivise as much as possible to get people to support legally. they can only put up REALLY COMPREHENSIVE guides as to how to access jjwxc or taobao or whatever. 

and if you still cannot afford it and pirate, honestly no one cares about the story behind it. you owe no one justification, just as how no other person is obligated to take it into consideration or understand you or empathize with you. i don’t say this in a malicious way - i do think that in general, you just do you. 

(2) the poor people don’t deserve nice things argument: honestly, this was not the point of this entire debacle, altho yes, people were rude to those who could not afford to support legally. but this is not the point of this whole thing.

main point - there are free riders who can support but choose not to because they choose to just consume it for free and if you are able to you should support

everyone going off on a tangent - you guys hate poor people / you guys are leeches

well guess what, no one wins in this argument. 

there were a lot of people saying “reading danmei is our only source of happiness, are you saying poor people who can’t access legally don’t deserve to read danmei” (this is just one example i’ve seen, there are other variations), and it wasn’t put across perhaps in the right way, but the other camp of people were saying “you’re not entitled to it for free if you cannot afford it”, which raised a lot of hackles and anti-poor yellings 

altho i do not deny that there are those who mean it maliciously, i think what everyone is trying to say is - the danmei industry, like any other profit-making industry, is looking to make profits. the people working in the industry, the authors even, are looking at numbers - traffic to jjwxc or other legal platforms, how much revenue they’re making from their live actions etc., comments, rankings, etc. i think @/hunxi-after-hours made a really succinct post on this aspect which yall should read.

it’s the same as - if you wanted to purchase a standee which costs $20 USD, but you cannot afford it = you don’t get it. there’s no way you can get this standee unless some gifts it to you for free. what the camp trying to ask people to support legally is saying, is that danmei is NOT A PUBLIC GOOD. it is a private, for-profit product. it might be intangible, but it is a PRODUCT that has a price that needs to be paid.

if you cannot afford it, you either don’t get access entirely (i’m saying this objectively and honestly from an economic standpoint). if someone gifts that standee to you for free, count yourself lucky - if someone makes a danmei accessible to you for free, COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY. you don’t have to be grateful and treat them as gods or like obey their every word, but it’s not rocket science. someone did you a favour that you accepted and consumed, show some respect. 

if you cannot afford to buy the standee - you do not go on twitter demanding that someone ensures that you have access to the standee for free. do you see how ridiculous this sounds once it’s a tangible product? and danmei novels ARE PRODUCTS. they are not FREE CONTENT. if someone cannot afford the standee, this is the equivalent of people going “we didn’t get the standee for free because poor people don’t deserve nice things”

totally missing the point. i don’t even know how it got to this. once again, i do admit that some users were unnecessarily mean, but going to the extreme of this is ridiculous. in argumentative essay writing we call this a logical fallacy:

e.g. “if you cannot pay for merchandise or danmei, it is a fact that you might not have access to it” morphing into “if we cannot pay for food, does this mean we cannot have access to it?!” - this is a slippery slope, and factors are not equivalent!!!! do they not teach people anything in school

don’t confuse fanfiction with danmei - danmei novels ARE PAID PRODUCTS unless for free chapters, just because it’s released online doesn’t mean it’s free public property, and also selected novels (did you guys know the WHOLE of SCI novel is free? about 500 chapters sorry, random, just a tidbit)

there are of course nuances right, like if anyone told me they were pirating disney+ content i’d be like yeah hey get one over those bloodsuckers, they take enough of our money and produce shit content anyway. the difference is that danmei authors, and the danmei industry itself can still be considered a nascent and not-yet matured industry, with a majority of authors if not all, depending on monetary flow, likes, comments, virality on the sites their content is hosted on, for a living, unlike hugeass MNCs trying to squeeze us dry for content that isn’t even interesting.

danmei is priced rather reasonably - and this brings me to another argument that was made, that the value of money is not the same for everyone. i don’t want to make comments on this because yes this is correct to a large extent. a $6 book might be cheap to most of us, but might be expensive to someone else. i’m not gonna comment on how cheap or whatever it is, if you gotta use your money for other things, definitely! i still maintain however, that a novel less than a dollar should be affordable to most people, a majority of people. and i definitely side eye some users who obviously have money but are just creating noise because they wanna continue free-riding

(4) the “they’re losing out on their international audience” argument: honestly, i feel like english-speaking danmei fandom gives themselves a bit too much credit. danmei has long thrived in china in its domestic market - sure the international audience is a plus to have and i’m sure the authors are grateful and flattered that people who don’t understand chinese love their content and love it a lot, but do they and their companies care about fans who basically don’t bring in money? i’m not sure (okay i’ll get to the fan translators doing illegal shit later okay i got it don’t be impatient)

and international fans are great, i don’t deny that - but when i see arguments like “oh but it’s their loss if they don’t cater or deny access to us, they get more popularity and sharing overseas”, i honestly think they don’t care as much as you think. once again, hunxi made a really good argument regarding non-sinophone audiences, but it really irks me, because this is the same as:

an instagram influencer saying they’ll give a restaurant exposure for free to their followers, if they get a free meal

it’s par for par - danmei authors wants earnings, popularity, tangible results that show that they are succeeding. this is life. if i put something out there for sale, i better be getting returns, simple economic logic. they probably don’t care that a non-paying reader is bringing them greater ‘exposure’ - once again, i mean this objectively. 

and yes if they’re thriving without the international market then why should it matter that people are pirating right? which brings me to the next point~

(5) it’s fan translators faults for so many people pirating, and fan translators are the ones doing the “illegal” work: this one is like... wow where do i unpack this and how-

firstly, we are talking about assholes who can pay but decide to free ride and not pay for danmei, and we assume that if you really cannot afford and have to pirate, no one’s saying anything as long as you don’t go around spreading how to pirate, how the hell did it get to fan translators from “you guys are anti-poor” and whatever

yes, fan translations are indeed illegal, i don’t deny that, and i also don’t deny that there are translators who translate for clout and popularity but putting these aside - here’s what i have seen from people who ran their mouths and made this argument

“if you guys care about us pirating the book so much than fan translators shouldn’t have translated in the first place” and “if you wanna come after us for reading illegally, then fan translators, you guys should go get the copyright for the book and then translate it cuz what you guys are doing is also illegal”

hooooo i’m telling ya, i am all for translators locking up their translations at this point. see how fucking hurtful that is? you eat from my hand and then now you biting at the hand that fed you the gays in love?

honestly if you’ve made this argument or supported this, you can basically go to hell. yes this is personal because what, you think fan translators don’t take out their personal time and effort and hard work to make translations accessible to you? if you’re ever consumed and read translations, don’t be a hypocrite and make this argument. you benefitted from it, now you wanna say it’s their fault? 

most translators want to share and spread the love they have for a novel right, want to show you how wonderful all these authors are, how much enjoyment u get from reading these wonderfully thought out stories of gays in love. yes we all know we are illegally translating, which is why on top of sharing we first, purchase the novels legally ourselves first, and then we try to encourage people to buy etc. and actually put their money to use. it doesn’t make it any less illegal, but we are bridging the gap between danmei and basically the english-speaking fandom, albeit illegally

we aren’t that self-important to ask for gratefulness but some respect would be nice. like i said, you read it, you consumed it, you enjoyed it, you can only access it because of illegal translators - a bit counter-intuitive to yell at these translators, who are simply telling you, if you can, please support. and none of us went “if you cannot afford, begone!”

===

🔺 some people tried to help by offering jjwxc credits so people who cannot afford as they say, can get legal access: honestly, just take it right, guess what some of these users did in response

they said the people giving away credits are trying to redeem themselves for their comments by giving away free stuff

they also said that we are trying to shame the people who cannot afford it with this handout to them, to show that they are the bigger person - the fact that they think this is a handout to them is TELLING. the people offering this is giving their money not to these readers, but to the authors! that’s the point of this exercise!!!

one of them even said “instead of trying to do these giveaways, here, there are greater world problems out there, donate instead to these causes” - love the initiative, but how did we get from being able to afford danmei and entertainment content to saving the world? i just- i cannot

===

🔺 so why i get why fan translators are locking up their translations, because wow, so hurtful:

you have no idea how many fucking assholes went “sure, lock up your translations, deal with the consequences” - ermmmm firstly, thanks for making a threat. like who the fuck do you think you are?

the consequences is... the authors still don’t get the money these free riders weren’t going to give them anyway, so no loss, and they weren’t reading on jjwxc anyway so you know, the authors don’t lose or gain any readership numbers or traffic they didn’t already have. instead, it WILL push and force people to pay for the PRODUCT. once again, it’s a product.

this works, and i’d say Word of Honor’s payment model worked marvellously for Youku, because they fucking forced everyone to pay to access content. ALL OF THEM. sure ok some people still pirated it, but how many MORE people paid on Youku, on Youku Youtube, watched on Viki etc. than if they didn’t? even english-speaking fandom were wracking their brains trying to purchase a Youku pass even if there were no subs initially - and other examples that lovely hunxi brought up in her amazing piece

and for translators?! honestly me for one, i’m glad i don’t feel pressured anymore to churn out a chapter every week since we get called names etc. most of us are glad to have a break to be honest. we’ve lost all motivation to translate because it’s a free service, at the very least we don’t expect like hate, or rudeass fuckers. for those who are doing a proof of purchase thing - go for it honestly! 

hopefully it’ll minimize the free rider problem - some people for whatever reasons really cannot buy or support legally, that’s totally cool and they don’t have to justify it, i get that. but for others making the same argument but obviously are just unwilling to pay because they can’t read chinese, think it’s too troublesome when there are guides and translators provide it for free anyway so what’s the point - we all make concessions and make decisions to grab what we like (not talking about the ppl who have their various troubles and difficulties!)

===

🔺 and those who are saying why is it the ‘rest of us suffer’ from locked translations just because of a few bad apples:

IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU. where the hell were all of ya when we were getting called illegal huh? it’s about us fan translators getting shot at for no reason, and then people still demanding things for free. i don’t see any of the people i’ve seen on tumblr complain about fan translators stopping or locking translations defend any of us in any way. instead, you’re complaining.

it is the translator’s prerogative to start, stop and end translations, unless of course the original author starts to sue i suppose. i see people on tumblr going like if they were gonna do this, they shouldn’t have started in the first place etc. - i don’t what world you live in, but when i do something for free, then get called names and am attacked or get dictated on how i should do something that’s already like free, i tend to be less generous.

i’m sorry, do us illegal and free translators owe ANY OF YOU? i wasn’t aware any of us were being paid for this hobby. readers, especially those who CAN and just refuse to support, don’t get to say SHIT. translators deal with so much shit and so many entitled readers, i say they get to lock whatever they want as long as they aren’t profiting off of this monetarily.

let me give you an example - nan chan, which is translated by lian yin, completed translations by the way for all chapters. it is all free for viewing, and she only locked up one extra and asked for proof of payment. some dumbfuck quotes that locked up extra chapter tweet and said “honestly, this turned me off reading this novel because they restricted access”.

the. fucking. entitlement. the whole of nan chan is free, that’s like what more than 80 chapters. she locked up the EXTRA and the money goes to the author, she doesn’t earn anything. AND HERE THAT BIJ is (yes, i’m going to call them names because you know, fucking asshole who didn’t bother to check) going “yeah i didn’t wanna read because 1/80+ chapters were locked”. 

AN EXTRA. LITERALLY AN EXTRA!!!!!!

at the end of the day, translators are not like DYING to translate, not like some of you are DYING to read the translations. once again, this isn’t a “BE GRATEFUL” message, it’s a please be respectful to the people who put in time and hard work for free and share the goodness ya know? what’s the use of yelling at fan translators as if we owe you anything?

================

🔴🔴🔴 TOO LONG DIDN’T READ 🔴🔴🔴

some people may need really need to pirate - and no one needs to justify why they cannot afford to purchase etc. pirating happens all the time, translators only hope that when you can, and in whatever way you can, to support legally - in general we don’t ask and we get it! we’re just annoyed that some people think that it SHOULD BE FREE, when it is a paid product, especially for those who CAN afford it

readers are not entitled to shit on translators for what they do with their translations - once again, you’re not OBLIGATED to have it. so what if i start and stop? i’m the one doing the work, i get the only say. don’t be a hypocrite and shit on translators, whose works you’ve read - it’s no loss for translators, we read and enjoy danmei just fine

yes, fan translations are illegal, but you can’t read and enjoy them like some of you have, and then turn around and point the finger at translators - a lot of us are happy to stop translating - this isn’t a threat, but at the end of the day, shitting on translators simply decreases access, and sure, some people can indeed live with you know, MTL or shitty translations from people who’ve learnt chinese for only six months or whatever, but you’re gonna be reading an entirely different book tbh

the people saying illegal translators are at fault - funnily enough, most of them consume the translations, so what the fuck? i mean we know it’s illegal, we’re trying to share the love and trying to minimize the illegalities of it by redirecting people to hopefully support legally. it’s still illegal yes, but i think it’s hypocritical for people who have read translations, stab translators in the back. and now that translators are indeed ‘restricting’ and ‘removing’ their ‘illegal translations’, yall yelling again? and threatening?

fan translators aren’t “elitist” or “classist” - just looking for some respect in a community which seems to have taken them for granted, and also looking for support for their fave authors - and honestly a lot of us were caught in the crossfires truly, don’t be an asshole and demand things from fan translators - who are you talking about? do you know why they decided to lock? do you know know what their locking system is like and what for? 

it’s not EASY to lock the translations up - it’s more admin work, it’s putting together a whitelist of people, if given the choice i’m sure translators would prefer to share everything. but not when there are assholes who have a comment on how they should translate etc. and yeah!!! calling us illegal!! i mean we are but still!!

the last straw was seeing that post on tumblr and people in the comments going like fan translators shouldn’t or should do something, without getting the whole picture, without even considering how hard it is for fan translators being caught in this situation. 

whoever puts in the work gets to decide, and everyone else should leave them alone. 

be nice to the people who really cannot afford as they say so (or just don’t think about it), be nice to the translators feeding you content, and the people who free ride and shit on translators - honestly, i’d say ready the pitchforks.

edit: i forgot to mention this is my hot take and i’ve tried to like present all the arguments i’ve seen so far. i’m definitely not doing all of it justice and i don’t claim to speak on behalf of any of them except maybe one or two- and i’ve definitely left out stuff, but anyway, lmao we’re just tiny people doing what we love. i wish we could solve you know inequality or poverty or hunger or other pressing concerns. if i was that great i wouldn’t be stuck on tumblr or twitter or have to make posts like these like a loser.

thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[blockgamepirate]

Okay fuck all the fake activists on Twitter

This is actual bullshit. Go fight ACTUAL racists and ACTUAL homophobes. NOT SOME GUY WHO JUST MADE SOME JOKES YOU DIDN'T LIKE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

I'm actually so mad right now. Because you realise that all those jokes that I've seen people yelling about that he made actually even somewhat recently are making fun of racists, right? And you know his audience is full of edgy gamer boys, right? People who are just straight up allergic to genuine appeals. Edgy jokes making fun of racism is literally exactly what those kind of people need. It gives them a way in without feeling immediately alienated. It makes it easier for them to accept that racism is bad actually, and that people who hate racism aren't all humourless assholes who cancel you at the drop of a hat.

So yeah what you guys are doing right now? This is only driving people away. This is making people defensive. And I don't care if you think perfect political correctness is more important than convincing people to not be racist, because you are fucking wrong. Yes it's fine to criticise him and point out when the jokes feel wrong to you or upset you but don't act like everyone has to agree with you or else they're bigots too. (Also stop yelling about years old shit he said as a teenager, nobody CARES. Let people put their past behind them.)

If you don't like his humour, feel free to just not watch Techno, it's fine. But this kind of humour DOES actually serve a purpose. You can't reach out to people if you expect perfect purity from everyone at all times. Sometimes people need space to adapt into new ideas, and humour is actually one of the best ways to do that because of how psychology works.

And yeah the Asian joke was kind of shit but it was literally making fun of racists who thought every Asian person had covid, back when the pandemic was only just becoming a pandemic. It wasn't making fun of Asians. He even prefaced it with acknowledging the horrific racism (his actual words).

Slavery jokes? Like literally the point of those was to address the unfortunate implications of the video game. It's basically just media criticism. It's not endorsing slavery or making light of the real world history. It's pointing out the elephant in the room. It's dark humour, yes, but like is it really better to just NOT acknowledge how weird the whole minion thing is? I feel like it's actually better to acknowledge it. I'm the kind of person who actually feels kinda uncomfortable about game mechanics like that and it helps me when people point out the implications. And dark humour is actually probably the best way to acknowledge it without making the whole thing sound goofy, because it is kinda goofy, but it's still subtly fucked up.

And the "murder is bad"... I literally do not understand why people are mad about that one. I genuinely don't get it. That's literally the kind of joke I could see like any of the popular liberal late night show hosts making to underline the point that murder doesn't magically become okay when it's the police doing it. Like "I shouldn't have to say this but murder is bad". You know? Because a bunch of people out there are ACTUALLY acting like it's okay for the police to murder people (especially black people). This is the most effective response to that bullshit, honestly. It cuts straight to the point. Murder IS bad.

And apparently nobody is acknowledging that the point of that tweet was to share the petition. He wasn't just like randomly joking about a horrible event, he was trying to help. He's a comedy Minecraft YouTuber, do you seriously expect him to make some sort of solemn plea? No, that would just make him sound sarcastic if anything because he never does that. Humour is how he addresses everything, get used to it or just stop following him.

Also people are just way more likely to respond positively to a joke than to something preachy or depressing, because as it turns out, depression makes people apathetic. I'd be willing to bet more people signed the petition because the tweet was funny than would have if it wasn't. Especially people in Techno's audience.

But these twitter warriors don't care about actions, they apparently don't even care that much about words because there's no way "murder is bad" is a harmful message in this context. So they just care about tone I guess.

Anyway, even of you think he's genuinely problematic, is he SERIOUSLY the enemy that's worth all this attention? All this energy? Fuck off. You know there are bigger fish out there and you didn't go for them, you went for someone you thought you could bully easily because he already has quite a progressive audience.

This isn't activism, this is just harassment. And it was just harassment long before the doxxing bullshit too. Don't pretend like everything up to this point was fine. It was not fine. And it's NOT actually helpful to dig up months or years old shit and plaster it all over twitter and then pretend to care about how these things hurt people's feelings when people wouldn't even have seen them if you didn't dig them up in the first place. If anyone is hurting them right now it's you.

Learn to do some actual fucking work for the cause you fucking shitheads. If that's even what you ever wanted to do, which I kinda doubt actually.

Like I don't pretend like I'm the greatest activist out there but at least I fucking try to do something productive instead of bullying minor celebrities online.

[anarchopuppy]

post/649466240800260096

hey um? do you really think we all should have voted for trump or something? the man that tried to have a coup? who tried to start actual wars via twitter boasting? who fought covid restrictions the entire time? who wanted to either cut massively or entirely disability benefits?

or do you just hate everyone who didnt throw their votes away to several different- but much better than either of those two- third party canidates instead of biden?

No, in fact, if you actually read the words that that post contains, you will notice that that isn’t actually what they are saying

Liberals feel so threatened by a Black man sharing clear numerical data that shows that Biden is militarizing the police at an even faster rate than Trump, so scared of their “at least he’s better than Trump!” thought-terminating cliche not being applicable in every single argument, so that they can no longer use that to silence anyone who asks that maybe cops should have fewer armored vehicles with which to kill people, that they have to invent some kind of fever dream where our goal is to convince people to go back in time and change their vote so that Trump wins the election. That’s our plan, we want to change the results of the 2020 election, and the only way to stop us is to defend Biden from any and all criticism

Please stop and think about why that post in particular makes you so fucking angry, when I share criticism of Biden multiple times a day on average - and why you messaged me for reblogging it rather than the OP - and why you hid behind an anonymous ask - and why you can’t just respond to the actual fucking point being made rather than concocting a hidden sinister agenda that conveniently lets you dismiss it outright. Because it sure looks like Black people fighting for their lives and liberation just makes you uncomfortable now that you can’t use it as a tool to help your favorite team win an election

[teddy06writes]

Who Knew Being A Youtuber Was Dangerous

requested by this anon: "Okay last one I promise…. I think. So CC!Dream x Bodyguard!Reader or reverse the roles, whatever works. Premise: Dream starts going to conventions and needs to be protected from all the antis and obsessive fans. But Dream didn’t know his bodyguard was gonna be attractive…"

dream x reader

trigger warnings: some swearing, yelling, general violence/threats

premise: The first vidcon after Covid has finally arrived, and with his face newly revealed, Dream's getting a bit worried a bout how a week in California will turn out, so, he (lets be real it was his manager) hirers you and your team for protection

{Also reader has implied military background}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You didn't tell me that they were coming all the way out here! I thought we were meeting them in California!" Dream argued into his phone.

You leaned against the rented escalade, watching as he paced back at forth.

One of your partners half leaned through the passenger seat window, "Sir? We're going to be late if you don't wrap it up!"

The man in the driver seat tapped his thumbs on the wheel anxiously, "I can handle politicians, I can handle CEO's, hell I can handle regular celebrities'- but youtubers? Dude why?"

You looked back at him, "Don't complain, he's paying bigger bucks than anyone we've had in years."

"I know but-"

You shook your head, cutting him off as Dream approached the car, "I'm sorry- I just thought I wasn't getting your services until I landed in California."

You shook your head, "You've still got to get through two international airports, and your flight. We'll be going along with you throughout the duration of your trip, but that won't happen, if you don't go get your things so we can leave on time."

"Yeah-" He sighed, "I'll- get my bags."

Shaking his head, Dream hurried back inside, grabbing his things before sending Sapnap a panicked snap 'sap help the body guard is hot'

When he got no response, he sighed, pulling his things out of the house and locking up behind himself, "You know for body guards you are dressed awfully casually."

You sighed adjusting your windbreaker, as you grabbed one of his bags to put in the trunk, "We're supposed to blend in. People might think it's suspicious that you need body guards, they could... plan things."

"And three extra people traveling with me isn't?"

"Smith and McAllen aren't going to be with us, with us. Within range, sure, but not following you around. You're going to be telling people I'm just- a friend or something- your life was private enough it would blend in." You reported, closing the trunk and moving to open the other door for him.

You moved around the car, climbing into your own seat, "Let's move."

~~

The airport was fairly crowded, but you navigated through it carefully, avoiding the biggest groups of people and instructing Dream to keep his hood up.

After almost two hours of anxiety, you had finally boarded the plane, tucking your backpack under the seat in front of you.

"Where'd the other two end up?" He asked quietly.

"Smiths on the other side of the row, two up, and McAllen's behind us." You reported.

Dream nodded, and the two of you settled in for take off.

Nearly an hour in, and you could tell he was getting bored as he leaned over, "So how does one end up doing body guard stuff anyway?"

You shrugged, "My contract was ended early.... I was looking for a job, retaining all my previous work experience, and I stumbled upon this agency."

"It's strange that it's even a real job."

"It's strange that playing a video game is even a real job." You shot back, grinning.

"How do you know what type of videos I make?" He asked skeptically.

"Well I have to make sure a client is legit before taking a legal offer, right?" You chuckled.

~~ The flight was nearing at end, finally, and you went over the plans again, looking over the layout of the airport on your tablet.

"What're you doing?" Dream asked.

"You never get tired of questions do you?" You sighed.

He frowned, "Sorry..."

You sighed again, "We're supposed to plan the routes around every fucking building you go into. We have a plan, we stick to the route, we keep idiots like you safe from anti's and crazy fans."

"Crazy fans?"

"Well you only just revealed what you look like, you've never been mobbed in public," You explained, "You can never trust what a obsessed person would do. That's how John Lennon died."

"Really? You're citing the Beatles on why your looking at airport maps?"

"You literally hired me for this!"

~~ So far, vidcon had been uneventful on your part, and you found yourself back in the old routine of standing off to the side, in hallways, or generally out of the way as your client did his thing.

The same lie had been told millions of times by now, Dream's partner, that's how the internet knew you, and lies grew, but all you had to do was walk along side him, nothing more.

Your partners could normally just explain away being assistants or managers working with vidcon organizers.

"Someone on twitter started a conspiracy thread that 'dream and (y/n) are not a real couple, I found so much proof this weekend'." Sapnap laughed.

From your place at the other table you nearly choked on your sandwich as Dream began to wheeze.

"why is this getting traction!?!"

"Someone added to the end," Smith reported, looking up from his phone, "Their debating if it's real, fake, or if the person made the thread cause they were jealous."

You took a sip of your water, "I can't wait till this is over, then we'll break up and the stans will forget about me."

Dream laughed, "That's too bad, I was thinking of taking you guys on full time."

You sighed, shaking your head, pretending to be annoyed, "Oh no, being paid to fake date some cute famous guy."

"You think I'm cute?"

You rolled your eyes, ignoring him, "Hurry up, we've gotta leave in ten."

~~

You were halfway through the convention center when suddenly you began to miss all that standing around.

As usual movement through the convention center was tough, but this time the crowd seemed different, particularly as someone near the back began yelling about something.

You scanned the crowd, and the woman seemed to lock onto you, "You! Yeah you! Who the hell do you think you are?"

You glanced back at McAllen, who nodded, starting to move to the side, Dream following, ever so slightly.

"You don't get to date him! How could you stoop that low Dream?"

More yelling erupted from the crowd, and someone seemed to charge forward.

You immediately took charge, grabbing Dream's arm and pulling him along with you as Smith hurried forward to block the man.

"What the fuck is going on?" Dream asked.

"Shut up, and stay behind me." You hissed turning down a side hallway as all hell started to break loose in the convention center, a single gunshot ringing out.

"Shouldn't you be going to stop that?" Dream asked as you and McAllen hurried him down another corridor.

"Job for the police, not us." You muttered, "Exit's through here, lets go."

From behind you, there were more shouts, something about stealing Dream.

“Motherfucker, these people are insane.” McAllen muttered.

~~

Somehow, you’d managed to get Dream out of the building, double back, and also collect Smith and Sapnap on the way.

Running on pure adrenaline, you’d then helped anyone else, evacuating civilians as the police worked to talk down the shooter.

By the time you had arrived back to the hotel, finished making statements and refusing to answer a frat deal of questions from father fans, you were about to collapse.

“I thought your job was just to get me out of there.” Dream said, looking up as you entered your room.

“I did.”

“And then you went back in.”

“I help people, okay?” You snapped, “Normally this job doesn’t include being shot at because I have to fake date someone who I’m protecting.”

You sat down heavily, “just- gimme a minute to breath. You’ve made my job more complex than it needed to be.”

“With my dashing good looks?” He laughed.

You rolled your eyes, “I mean with the amount of trouble you’ve caused me we might as well be actually dating, then I might benefit more.”

He grinned, “I just might take you up on that.”

[isa-ghost]

How do you hold onto hope that anything will be done with Anti or any of Sean's Egos? I fell out of love for JSE and his content about three years ago due to.. I guess just growing up? But I used to check back in from time to time because he used to promise that "Big Thing's" we're coming for his Egos. (Mind you this was before the pandemic took full effect so there wasn't that as an excuse.) I just recently checked his channel and saw he has taken a step back (Good for him and his mental health if he needs that!) from making content. Did he burn out? Is he ever going to do anything with the Ego's? I don't even know why I care at this point? I guess I just want logical answers and you are the smartest JSE fan I know? Anywho. Sorry for the rant. I'll get out of your asks. 🌶

Oookay unpacking this ask time.

Anon thanks in advance for sending this because as feisty as I felt at first, it helped me get out a lot of things I've wanted to say in this regard for a Long Long Time so, yeah. Thank you.

1. Personally I don't like the term "grew up" in reference to CCs or much of anything tbh, because you're rarely too old to enjoy the things you love. But I get what you mean regardless. Just wanted to plop out my take on that topic in general. Never think you're too old to enjoy something harmless though. :)

2. I've been shaky on hope lately, to be honest. He's not been doing a ton of videos in general lately, minus some strays and the Deltarune Chapter 2 series (I genuinely didnt expect him to play it bc he hadnt played another recently released big game I wanted to see him play but he did, and I'm super grateful bc it was killing me lowkey). Which obviously the decision not to make a ton of content at the moment is okay. He's very burnt out, he's been having severe health issues both physically and on/off mentally. The lack of content and low energy he's had lately is just disheartening if that's the right word idk. BUT!! We DO have a MASSIVE Thankmas stream coming in December to look forward to!

I miss him and some days I get kinda,, idk, bitter? About the radio silence. But unlike a lot of people that have been in and out of the JSE Community between 2018 to now, I respect his health and the fact that he's a whole ass human being and has a life and other things he is more than free to do instead whenever the fuck he wants. TLDR I think have better critical thinking skills than some people on here and Twitter lmao. And the last few years have been shit, both in the world and- at least on here -in the community (dare I mention the t*ablogs). Though lately the community is quiet and very very peaceful and enjoyable again. At least in my corner here.

The thing is, I'm not and was never here ONLY for egos. I love Sean and everything about him to bits. He made one of the worst few years I had in the 2010s infinitely more bearable and gave me an explosive amount of inspiration for creativity that I'd not really experienced before. And friends I'll never let go of.

I miss ego content. I want it to keep going. I'm extremely sad it might not continue. But as an artist, I know why he was promising big things once upon a time. When you're a creator and you have a story like this, you want to flesh it out. The motivation and muse is high. People are excited and you want to deliver. The difference with Sean is that he wanted it to be as high in quality as he could push for after all our excitement and incessant thirst for more. And his plans involved a budget and more than just himself and none of it was his main focus. It was a fun side project.

HOWEVER, big projects like this get interrupted by life, smaller projects, distractions and other things. Sean got SLAMMED by all of the above non-stop these last few years and then hit a bad burnout. I think that through it all, he hit that dreaded wall some artists with big, long term plans like the egos story hit and lost motivation. It got overhyped. Pressure got too crushing. Any plans he made to FINALLY continue the ego storyline got murdered by Covid more than once (which.. personally the term "excuse" sounds kinda shitty in reference to that imo but I digress). Making promises only to have outside variables beyond his control break them was killing him, so he just stopped promising. And people who have no respect or patience got annoying and some got straight up inexcusably vulgar, immature and hateful before dramatically fleeing the community in a tantrum like he'd personally come to their house and betrayed them. It was infuriating to watch go down.

But no matter how much it might hurt or be disappointing to see it die out, I'm here for Sean and his journey no matter where it takes him. I'm not sitting here being a stubborn beacon of anything. And I also recognize and (no matter how reluctantly) respect that we aren't OWED ego content. Never were. It was not an obligation no matter how many promises he made or how much hype he stirred up. And to be fair? We drove the hype a million miles further than he EVER did and we can't blame him for that. I hate the people who do. I'm grateful for the ego content we got and I'll cry if we ever get more. But if it's done, it's done and we just have to accept it. I, as sad as I am to, accept it. And we can always make our own.

And finally- thanks for the compliment. Idk if I'd say I'm the SMARTEST but that means a lot either way. :')

I hope this gave some answers even though it came out more of a vent/rant and PSA??

Obviously any JSE followers and mutuals please feel free to reblog this. But don't start any fights, not that I really expect there to be any?

[jesseuno]

I went to a DDR Tournament (aka: Post-MOTL4 Thoughts)

As the title suggests, I went to a DDR Tournament in Mentor, Ohio this past weekend called Mistake on the Lake 4. Below are my thoughts on the event, focused primarily on my performance at said event:

First off, the reason I’m posting it here instead of something such as twitter, or facebook, or discord or something is because I feel like I can be honest with myself about how I played without feeling a sense of being around (for lack of better term) toxic positivity. It’s not that I don’t think the community means well, and there is a very reasonable chance that I’m putting too much pressure on myself even now, but the last thing I want to hear right now is “you have one leg, it’s okay” or “you weren’t feeling well” or “it’s been a long time” or any kind of justification like that. Those are valid reasons to not play well, but I feel like it takes a lot of the responsibility off of me. The fact is this: I sucked. I performed worse at that tournament than I ever have at any other tournament in my time playing competitively (2004 - 2010, 2018 - 2020.) and there’s some very legitimate reasons why that are just entirely on me. 1. Since the COVID mandates have been relaxed (if not lifted entirely), I haven’t played all that much. I have not put in the time that I should have. I didn’t give the tournament and the competition the respect that it deserved. I even had the audacity to honestly think that I should have been rated higher than I was, and the way I played showed that I belonged exactly in the pool I was in, and probably lower if such a pool existed. I was out-worked, straight up. 2. During the course of COVID, I let myself get significantly out of shape. Despite having options around me to stay active, I chose to ignore them. To stay sane, I probably drank my own actual weight in bourbon and other alcohol to cope with the stress of the situation. That would have been fine (or at least understood) DURING COVID, but when I got vaccinated and things relaxed down, I didn’t change those habits. I didn’t start trying to be more active again and I didn’t do anything to change the negative habits that developed during COVID. I basically let myself blimp up even further and become even more lethargic and lazy. I went from about 170 lbs. before COVID, to 187 lbs. during it, to as of right now, 216.1 lbs. AFTER. Carrying an extra 45 lbs. everywhere you go takes its toll physically. I just can’t do as much or go as hard as I used to be able to.

3. To piggyback off of the last reason, I drank entirely too much leading into the tournament. Literally, the night before, I polished off a bottle of coconut rum with two other people. The night prior to that, beer and bourbon and cokes. The night before? Shots of rum while I was packing. I was basically an internalized microbrewery who was bloated and awful, and had no energy to play when it finally came time to do so. I even felt sick and anxious as I played, and proceeded to vomit my guts out after I finished. It was only after that, well after I was eliminated, that I finally felt good and loose. All of this is to say that I didn’t give this tournament, the competitors in my pool, and for that matter, myself, the respect it, they, and I deserved, and it showed, and I embarrassed myself on stream. I don’t even want to watch the VODs or recorded footage of the matches because I’m so ashamed of myself up there. It fucking sucks. In essence, TL;DR: I let myself down because I let myself get fat, out of shape, unmotivated, and drunk, and I played like shit for it. I’m writing this because at the end of it all, I want to take accountability for that and I never want to feel that embarrassed again. I never want to play that badly again. I never want to be that ill-prepared ever again. And if I have my way, I’m not going to. Consider this my accountability plan. 1. With the USL Soccer Season officially over, I have my Saturdays to myself again. If I have any say in the matter, on top of Tuesdays and Sundays, I am going to spend my Saturdays in the arcade playing and getting back into playing shape. Additionally, I’m going to start going back to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class on my Wednesdays to try and get myself back into decent physical shape. At the minimum, if I can get back down to under 200 lbs., that would be a good starting point. 2. It’s obvious that I have some bad habits that I need to work through. I need to eat better, I need to exercise more, I need to develop healthier mindsets for dealing with negative situations around me. This even includes dealing with playing badly. It’s okay not to be the player that I used to be. I’m not that person right now. Hell, I’m not the person I was two or three years ago, period. Looking back in the past is not going to do me any good. I need to work with who I am now and build from that. 3. This is the hard one to come to grips with, and I hate that I’m writing it. I’m actually kind of scared to even put it in writing, but I don’t think I have much choice anymore. Right now, I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I have for a long time now. And while I should thank my lucky stars that I haven’t said or done something egregiously stupid yet, I’m afraid that I’m probably teetering that razor’s edge. Even now, I constantly have an anxious feeling in my chest that I’ve said or done something wrong, or inadvertently hurt someone, and I’m going to get myself thrown out of a community that I love, and this was even after asking a friend of mine to effectively be my shadow at said event to make sure something like that explicitly DIDN’T happen. I can’t live like this and something has to change. Another friend of mine has challenged me to go till my birthday weekend (Dec. 9-11) without alcohol. I think that’s a good idea. If nothing else, to reset my body and mind. This part won’t be easy and I’m actually kind of afraid. I hope I don’t fail.

To hold myself accountable to this, I’m including two photos of myself currently. Unaltered, untouched, not hat on, etc. It’s me, as I am at 216 lbs., wearing a t-shirt and soccer jersey that is way too tight on me for my size.

Hopefully the next time I post photos of myself, I will look a little thinner, be in better shape, most definitely be under 200 lbs., and also being a little more sober. Ideally also playing DDR infinitely fucking better than I ever did this weekend. I can’t keep living like this. I have to do something about it now. :\ Thanks for reading.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay okay okay I didn’t want to have another update so soon in the battle of my psyche versus Twitter but here’s what’s happening now. So I started looking at some comedians’ Twitter pages once in a while in early summer, as the Johnson government started to collapse and not enough topical shows were running and I turned to Twitter to get comedians’ responses. I didn’t have a Twitter account so I went to their pages one at a time, and ended up with a whole bunch that I was checking sort of regularly. Then I slowed down to only checking a couple of accounts occasionally, but then there was queen death and I wanted to see how all the different comedians navigated that minefield, and I was checking so frequently that it was easier to just make a Twitter account and follow all the comedians I want so I can go to one page and see them all at once.

I learned ridiculously quickly why that’s a bad thing. Amazingly quickly. I know I hear about how bad Twitter is, but did not realize until I got there that even an account where all I do is follow comedians would be so bad. That front page was full of content from people I did not follow, and side stories designed to upset me, and I found myself getting mad about like six different things that didn’t matter at all in the first hour. And I don’t need that! I listen to the real news, from real news sources, and get angry enough about things that do matter, I do not need Twitter throwing all this other shit at me! I massively underestimated the algorithm when I thought I could just follow specific people and that would be fine. I knew within hours that it was bad for my mental health but I already was drawn in and had trouble stopping.

For the next couple of weeks I went back and forth on trying to stop looking at it, and now mostly have. Really. I haven’t actually deleted my account, but I haven’t looked at the home page of it in a couple of weeks and truly have no desire to do so again, and I’ve deleted the app off my phone, the way some people do with Tinder after a bad date. But I’ve still gone back sometimes to check on a few individual pages, while carefully avoiding the algorithm-poisoned home page, like I did at the beginning and that isn’t that bad but it’s still a slippery slope and I just think Twitter is bad on principle and I’d like myself better if I were a person who doesn’t do that. So I’m telling myself to stop.

But the trouble is that while I was checking my home page sometimes, that was how I learned about a makeshift post-queen death show by Mark Watson that got filmed and put online. I watched it while in bed with COVID (this required me to go to Instagram, which was a whole new level of social media, but it was worth it) and fucking miserable, and the warm lovely delightful show contrasted against my terrible weekend made it one of the best things I’ve experienced in quite some time. And I don’t want to miss things like that. I also saw a livestream earlier this summer featuring Alex Horne and Jen Brister and Nish Kumar that I only knew about because I looked at Nish’s Twitter feed, and that was so much fun. So how do I catch things like that but miss everything else?

I recently decided the answer is Mailchimp, and I have joined some mailing lists, including Mark Watson’s so he can personally tell me the next time he decides to put some light into the world on an awful weekend and give me a little hope for the basic good in humanity. So far I've received one email from this, it told me mainly about stuff I can’t see because the Atlantic Ocean’s in the way, but also a couple of online things that I had to miss due to scheduling but was still happy to know about and would like to know next time. I’ve been thinking anyway lately that I should get more into livestreamed shows; it seems like the logical next step as my interests have started to turn toward somewhat more obscure sides of British comedy (I haven’t gotten to any really obscure stuff, and there’s a level of obscure that I can’t get to while being too far away to actually go to things, but I’ve gotten a bit more outside the immediate mainstream than what I was discovering a year ago), and as I’ve gotten more into stand-up and stand-up-like things generally. I now have fewer than 100 Bugle episodes left, and then I will again be at the end of my Britcom list and looking for a new direction (and I'd like to already have a plan for where to go this time, so I don't just have a small breakdown the way I did when I came to the end of the first run of The Bugle), and I think this is the general direction I want to take. That, and some other podcasts (I am specifically saving a bunch of Comedian's Comedian Podcast episodes that I've downloaded, as well as a few other things I'm interested in, so I'll have something to do after I finish The Bugle), and related things.

Unfortunately the end of a pandemic (it's not the fucking end, as evidenced by me having it earlier this month, but people act like it is) is a bad time for me to decide to get into recordings of stand-up comedy on the internet. During lockdown was the time it was all happening. But for whatever is still going on in that world, Twitter seems like a common way to find out about it, and if I don’t want to do that then I guess mailing lists are the next best option.

But I did still check just the one Twitter account this morning, because my brain remembers how much happiness it got from that show it found from Mark Watson’s Twitter and keeps wanting to go back there and find more of that, and also Mark Watson is the best person and I just want to know what he'd saying all the time. What I found is that today, he said he wants to start a new mailing list for his production company, which does a lot of online shows, and this list will send out information mostly about online things. No More Jockeys and that House thing he did over social media that I don’t really understand but if he starts it again I’ll probably figure out social media enough to follow it, and any livestreamed shows with him and other comedians that he records with his production company. He's said things about how he believes in online stand-up comedy as a good thing that should last beyond lockdowns because that makes comedy more accessible, and he's trying to do that with his company, and wants to start a mailing list to tell people about it. So, exactly what I would like. I want to subscribe to that exact newsletter and then not need anything else. Thank you, Mark Watson for, once again, delivering the exact thing I want.

Except not quite, because he can’t just make a new Mailchimp thing and give us a form to fill out like a normal person. The procedure is to DM him your email address and he’ll add it to a list. But you can’t DM him unless he follows you, so you have to comment on his Tweet so he’ll follow you and then you DM him your email address. I could technically do that, because I technically have a Twitter account, even though I’ve never posted from it. But I also can’t do that, because what the hell? I can’t just DM Mark Watson. Obviously.

Anyway, I wasn’t going to post about this because it’s all too silly and I’ve posted about my battle against Twitter more than enough times in the last couple of weeks, but I was reading through the replies to his Tweet to try to decide if I could bring myself to join them since I really want to be on that list, and I saw this, and the reason I actually wrote this post is because I have to share it:

So it turns out that:

1) When Mark Watson sees the word “hockey” he has the correct response, which is to understand that they mean regular hockey, rather than what I learned a few years ago is the non-North American response (or maybe just non-Canadian response, I’m not sure what they do in the States, I first learned this from my Kiwi friend), which is to use the word “hockey” on its own to mean “field hockey”, and if they want to refer to regular hockey they call it “ice hockey”. Similar to when I'm reminded that when Andy Zaltzman hears "wrestling" his first thought is of the athletes and not the actors, I love this.

2) Mark Watson’s first thought upon reading the word “hockey” is to quote Stompin’ Tom Connors.

Look, I’ve said it before, and last time I said it it was because he was doing a really cool makeshift outdoor comedy show on a weekend when his country and this world were erupting into chaos and needed this and I was also pretty out of it from having COVID at the time, and that was probably a better justification for saying it than the fact that he quotes Stompin’ Tom Connors, but I’ll still say it again: Mark Watson might be the best person in the world. Rounding up, give or take a little, more or less, he might be the best one.

...The issue I'm currently contemplating is that if I don't leave a comment and then DM my email address to the best person in the world while sober, I'll do it the next time I get drunk and then feel like an idiot the next day. I have joked before about getting drunk and trying to contact one of these comedians, but I have never done it (or come at all close to doing it, I very much was only joking about that), but given that I'm genuinely considering this and it would genuinely be a reasonable thing to do, I'd probably do it this time. But even if it is objectively reasonable, if I do it while drunk I'll feel like I did something incredibly stupid. This feels like a very Mark Watson-esque issue to have (I almost called it a "Watsonian" issue, but that already means something else, as established with the Off Menu confusion that was discussed in that show that made me hate the world slightly less during a terrible weekend).

[diaryofanangryasianguy]

A letter to #stopasianhate

We’ve all seen the rise and the fading of the hashtag but instead of crying about why it’s not pinned, it’s important to actually talk about the issue and where we go from here.

Do people even know why it started? Who started it? The boiling point was obviously the Atlanta spa shootings in combination with anti-Asian hate crimes and covid but anti-Asian racism has existed long before the hate crimes of 2021 and 2020 and long before covid in 2019. It’s just that mainstream media attention has only picked it up over the last year and a half or so. Some of y’all, or perhaps most of y’all just haven’t been paying attention to your fellow Asian human beings.

Like any other form of racism, it’s an experience over a lifetime and shapes the quality of life for both individuals and groups over the course of generations in a triple constant state of time in the past, present, and future AND is committed by individuals, groups, societies, and the social systems that keep our current world going. It’s like air, it’s everywhere. Now obviously, we can’t get into everything since this isn’t an extensive history lesson but Anti-Asian racism isn’t just something that started a year ago nor is it exclusive to western countries, which is something we’re all really fucking tired of saying and arguing over.

#stopasianhate is a grassroots, on-the-ground-street movement that was started by Asian people that were new to the activist scene and also had little to no activist knowledge, many that were getting involved (or had the courage to) for the first time. It was not born from large political or organizational think-tanks. It was born out of sadness and anger at the most basic human level by the most basic, everyday people. And because it was born in such a way, it didn’t gain much traction or support among some groups, such as the right-wingers that don’t think racism hinders the quality of life nor from the leftists that demand more from new activists who don’t even know much to begin with. The attacks and insults come from both sides.

#stopasianhate was and is still plagued by ignorance, erasure, and elitism. And let’s not act like racists, non-Asian individuals, and Asian leftists haven’t been trying to discredit the movement since the very beginning. Who it did bring in and appeal to however, were the larger, semi-apolitical masses that wanted to do something—anything. Thus we started to see the bridge and coalition-building between the masses that may not have known much, through no fault of their own, and between those that did have some knowledge and were willing to educate or spread awareness. Of course, we are still seeing that now and in my opinion, it’s better to bring in and teach folks than to discredit or even degrade them before they even begin the journey into something as complex as race and racism, as simple as it may sound.

Though the movement is still on-going, it has largely faded from mainstream attention and tumblr is probably one of the only social media sites where some people still use it on the daily, though there are pocket communities that still use it on Twitter and Facebook for example. In my opinion, it was a missed opportunity for us Asian folks to build the movement into something far beyond ourselves. If we can’t even push a movement that was made by us and for us, what changes can we expect in the long run?

Too often have I seen Asian folks fighting over the fucking name of the hashtag instead of building on it into a larger mass movement to address the reasons as to why it even came about in the first place, reasons that stretch back years, decades, and centuries even. It ain’t just the divide-and-conquer tactics of white supremacy that break up or stagger movements, sometimes it’s just the little petty in-fighting bullshit like that.

Now this isn’t to say #stopasianhate has failed or anything, not even close. I’ve seen people across the US, to Canada, to Australia, across Europe, even folks in Asia and elsewhere that have pushed the movement. For the basic, everyday person to come together with others to create a movement spanning one part of the globe to the other is amazing and highlights the power that people wield when they are united on something. It shows that we as Asian people regardless of country, ethnicity, nationality, gender, class, sexual orientation, political and religious beliefs, and everything else, could come together on one thing if nothing else. Who says we can’t come together because we can, we did, and we will.

Movements don’t stop just because a hashtag gains less traction or because the mainstream media ain’t reporting on it as much. Movements have always been here and will continue to be built so long as people come together as we always have. So sure #stopasianhate isn’t as mainstream as it once was but who’s to say that Asian people aren’t organizing, building, and rallying as they’ve always done in the past, present, and future, and across the US and other countries across the globe? There are movements all across the world right now if you pay a bit more attention.

So where do we go from here? That’s up to us, simple enough. We don’t need to be activists to do something or say something. We don’t need qualifications to speak on something that we know is morally, ethnically, and just plain humanly fucking wrong. And we certainly don’t need to set a goal so fucking high, it can’t even be done in our lifetimes. I really hate this toxic elitism in social justice spaces where people only want to do something or celebrate when society is completely fucking destroyed or something. Honestly, that shit ain’t happening anytime soon so shut the fuck up about it and find ways to navigate and change shit, if not for yourself then for people beyond you and ultimately for society as a whole.

Who cares if someone is only concerned about politics and signing bills? Who cares if someone is only concerned about media representation and movies? Who cares if someone is only concerned about opening up a small business or owning something for themselves? Who cares if someone just wants to draw or make music or write stories or play sports or something else? Let people do what they do best in THEIR field or passion.

When it comes down to it, we need ALL people across ALL fields and passions to contribute to the larger means of human rights and social justice. It ain’t about grooming everybody to adopt some grand utopian self-destruction plan that doesn’t have any fucking sense of reality. It’s about compassion, rebirth, discovery, change, creation, and whatever other shit that comes about when basic, common, everyday ass people come together to do something beyond themselves. And in the grand scheme of things, #stopasianhate is just one of the many proofs of that.

Regardless of where we go and what we do, #stopasianhate is part of human history in the year 2021 and for that, even with all its criticisms and support, you as a movement have my love and this letter is being offered to you.