#but this is a free app and i love being delusional SO

[art-from-within]

My dadfrey hc is that he is honestly the most ACCEPTING chill parent/partner man you can have in the lands in between but like in the most fucked up way. Because he himself is a blood thirsty, genocidal might makes right sigma male, his idea of a "moral-line-we-should-absolutely-not-cross" is astronomically far and thin.

Radagon is Marika? Okay so he has two wives now cool. Radagon marries Rennala? Ok so she wants in too cool. "Slay those groups of completely innocent people for me " "yes babe thank you babe"

Mohg does blood cult and is the king of sh twt? Yes go son slay (I mean he himself is filled with bloodlust). Might even commit a bloody genocide in the name of the formless mother for his son, just another Tuesday for him. The whole 'kidnapping step bro to become his consort and gain power' plan has his head scratching tho. Like..why? What is the need? Just learn his feet smashing technique and he could get there, but oh well

Rykard fed himself to a snake to become a god devouring serpent? He did what he had to do. Ranni killed his son? Yeeeeaa that's sad but he has also killed many sons ya know? *head scratch*. It's not that he didn't care for Godwyn, its just that he is good at placing his affections in to neat little boxes that he can store in the attic to protect his emotional health better.

Godrick grafts himself into oblivion? Now Godfrey will judge him, but only because those grafts look UGLY(and because he didn't earn his strength the RAW. ALPHA WAY). Look at them!? Not even size/symmetry coded. Serosh is way better

Malenia is at the verge of unleashing a nuclear weapon every waking moment of her life? Tells her to "be herself", and "not to be scared". He will accept his step daughter "even if she was a worm"

(Finding out she nuked Caelid) it would suuure suck to be Radahn. That's a shame, he was fun to grill with (moves on with his life)

[bellewintersroe]

hiiii!! :) if you don't mind can you write something for nando? I am kinda going thru a fernando phase rn 🤭 ik ik. There is a lack of fics for him...I literally prob read all the fanfics in the app. If you don't want to it's totally fine!

Thanks a lot! :)))

honestly I’m 24/7 in my Fernando phase that man is beautiful so I’m happy for you hehehe, I agree there’s such a lack of fics!!! Thank you for your request I appreciate it, I hope some headcannons are okay for you!! <3 <3 some NSFW headcanons at the end, so feel free to skip that! Sorry this isn’t longer or more detailed, but I wrote it on a whim seeing your request!! <3

Fernando Alonso Headcanons x Reader

First of all this man is a goofball, he loves to have fun and joke around. I feel like a lot of the time he’d be such a lighthearted boyfriend, always smiling, anyways joking with you. He’d be soooo fun.

Obviously can be serious when the time comes- but he would 1000% crack up in situations he’s not supposed to. This in return would cause you, his partner to start giggling.

he’d deffo hide his face in your neck, muffling his giggles with hands gripping your hips for dear life.

probs gets you both in a spot of trouble, but he’d be sooo good at making up for it.

I think because he’s older he’d potentially be a better communicator? I mean who knows, maybe I’m delusional but I feel like Nando would be a really unproblematic boyfriend because he’s just sooo easy going and comfortable around you that there wouldn’t be much potential conflict.

Maybe you’d have normal couple bickers but I think Nando would start smirking in the middle of it and the subject immediately gets dropped or you laugh it off.

not too big on showing PDA, especially if you’re a private person, he knows being with him comes with lot of media attention.

gets confused when people start making edits of you? But low key watches them and enjoys seeing your beautiful face plastered all over his phone.

probs changes his screen saver to a pic of you both and it would remain that exact same picture for the next 100 decades.

pulls your hair (gently) to wind you up, pinched your bum (in private), pokes you, bites you- I feel like he’d like to tease you as a form of fun.

holds your hand in public and guides you through crowds, especially if you’re nervous onfggggg no imagine his arms like barricading in front of you so nobody can get near you.

not afraid to get a lil physical if somebody does cross that boundary. Nothing too intense, but he’d hold a hand out, pushing maybe a little too firmly, to get them away from you.

Protects you physically and emotionally? I can’t think of the right word, but he protects your modesty always.

let’s say it’s a little blustery on the beach and you’re wearing a shorter dress- the paps would be obsessive and Fetnando would stand in front of you so they couldn’t get a single glimpse of you.

no omg he’d hold your skirt down with his thumb and forefinger to prevent anything being flashed. You wouldn’t even realise what was going on, but Nando being used to the vulture activity, knows exactly what they’d be attempting to get pics of. Gross!!

sooo polite when meeting your family and friends aahhhhhh- and after you’ve met his family I can imagine him being all giddy and grabbing your face, pulling you in for a kiss.

LOVES seeing you on the race weekends, the atmosphere is sooooo much more fun and rewarding when you’re at the GP’s

nsfw headcanons:

This man gives you the most intense eye contact and sex eyes ever.

would mutter your name to himself when he’s teasing you or something, ugh it’s so sexy with his accent.

like it’s your first few times meeting and the sexual attraction between you both is unreal, you’d melt under his gaze omfg.

holds your hand through it, loves it when you grip his arms omfg.

oh omfg 10928473% talks you through it. So so sexy, especially when he switched it up to Spanish one time. He nervously laughed a little, but when he realised you loved it omfg, he’d ramp up the dirty talk.

you’re deffo his good girl and his baby ugh he’s so vocal, especially when he’s close to finishing.

always asks if you’re okay, if you’re comfortable, consent is a huge turn on idgaf- he makes everything sexy and you’d just feel so safe and respected with him.

Fernando would deffo love doggy like omfg, imagine him going at it I can’t it’s sinful-

When you guys do missionary he’d put his whole bodyyyyy into it like omg.

Probs goes feral when you suck him off for the first time.

eats pussy like a king- and when you pull his hair omg he’s moaning against you.

Youd probs find him in his fireproofs so sexy and when he gets a little touchy the two of you practically RACE back to the hotel or wherever you’re staying.

expect several memes being made of this in the morning, when Nando’s pictured squeezing your bum and staring at your boobies omg- everybody goes feral.

Such a romantic and passionate lover, not into anything too cringe, but would try pretty much anything you want.

probs gets giggly after sex.

[17020]

ᥫ᭡ CAMPUS CRUSH GALORE! NO PRNDL?

# CRUSH 003 — YOICHI ISAGI, 20. KINESIOLOGY MAJOR.

Because learning how to drive is a one-of-a-kind experience, right? Yoichi Isagi’s side hustle includes being a driving instructor. 4.4k crack and a hint of fluff, yn is an idiot and doesn't know how to drive, isagi is an idiot,,, idiots in love !!! word vomit ahoyyyyy!!! ending is a bit rushed srry. NOT PROOFREAD I DONT GIVE A FAWK LET ME SLEEP.

Truth be told, university life had drained YOICHI ISAGI's pockets dry. Whether it was lunch, memberships, or football, his constant spending had set his bank account back to single digits.

He had little to no reaction at first, as he came to realize that yes, perhaps he did have the luxury experience of buying lunch too often, as his backpack slowly became a wasteland for all the long receipts from the restaurant across the street.

And yes, perhaps he had been a tad picky when choosing where to work out, preferring to pay a monthly membership for the gym a few blocks away than to use the free gym at his university, because according to him, 'it feels like sardines in a can, and I would very much rather put my major's knowledge to use and walk a few miles. Very useful for joint health, y'know!'

The football club did not help either, as he had to invest in clothing, shoes, and even supplements to maintain himself in good health. His vitamins had cost him a pretty penny, and his constant ruining of his t-shirts ended up in him scouring different shopping malls to replace them.

In his head, he thought everything would be just fine. He could wake up earlier and cook for himself, or even have yesterday's leftovers for lunch, thus saving on food. Begrudgingly, he accepted the fact that he would have to work out at his university, which would make his workouts longer due to the unavailability of every machine he ever desired to use.

'Everything will be alright' was the phrase which spun around in his mind. It brought him stability, a sense of peace. It distracted him so much, in fact, that it kept his mind clouded while training for his upcoming match against a team from Kanagawa. But cloudiness can lead to blindness, and blindness to disaster.

His right leg sprung, the ball on top of his foot as he hungrily aimed for the goal. The loose fit of his shoe went unnoticed as he kicked, with his foot suddenly feeling a lot... lighter than it should have.

"Yo, Isagi! Was that yours?"

Yoichi's jaw was on the floor, no sound coming out of his mouth. His teammates burst into laughter, with the image of his shoe flying across the field and into the roof of an unknown building stuck in their minds.

"If you don't find it, you're gonna have to get a new pair" his redheaded friend, Chigiri, exclaimed. His teammates nodded, with one of them, a white-haired man named Nagi, speaking up.

"You don't have a job, Isagi, what'll you do?"

"It's not lost" Yoichi shook his head, "I just need to get to the roof and get it."

He was not aware that it would take him around two hours to get to the building, because even though it was right behind the field, he couldn't directly cross over to it, and he got lost. He was also, unaware of the fact that he needed permission to enter the building, as well as the roof, which he did not have. His angry insisting towards the security guard had gotten his request denied, with a quick picture of his face being printed in front him, along with the words "NO ENTRY."

He sighed in desperation, as he unlocked his phone, his thumb swiping over the screen and opening an app, it's icon resembling that of a dollar sign. He typed his user and his password, and he let out an embarrassingly loud whine.

$0.59.

Single digits was him being too delusional.

He closed the app, opening his messages and texting his group chat, consisting of some of his friends from the club.

Isagi It's lost.

Nagi see i told you he'd need a new pair @ reo :x

Reo You need to get a job man

Chigiri You wanna join me at the coffee shop? The shifts aren't that bad imo

Bachira SELL SOMETHING I sell paintings and business has been BUZZING :3

For once, Bachira had given him some good advice. He did not necessarily have to sell something tangible, he could sell his services. Football lessons for little kids are what came to mind, yet quickly faded after he realized he would be biting off more than what he could chew as there were no kids in his residency, and if he were to travel that far into other parts of Tokyo, he would have to spend a lot on gas.

Wait. Gas?

It was then when the idea struck. His dad had gifted him his old car, which was manual, and had taught him how to drive. He did not use it much, as he mostly walked or used his bicycle to get to places.

Having obtained his license at 18, with his father always discussing tips and tricks with him every evening, Yoichi Isagi was certain of what he could do as a side hustle to earn some extra cash. Driving around his neighborhood would make for a investment in gas, but there was nothing that a quick loan from his father couldn't fix.

LEARN TO DRIVE QUICK. THREE DAY COURSE !!! I'm very patient, have a manual car (yes we will use my car), and it's only $150 !!!! Three hours daily!!! For more info please text Yoichi Isagi (that's me) at xxx-xxxx-xxxx

Yoichi smiled at the screen in front of him, seemingly proud of his 'advertisement'. He opened the messaging app and selected all of his contacts from campus, pressing 'send' as his desperation left him to reach out to his group chats for different classes, as well as people he did not even have class with.

He set his phone down on his desk, anxiously staring at it in hopes of receiving a notification. His phone buzzed multiple times, and excitedly, he unlocked it, only to find out it was his friends who had replied.

Bachira Sorry dude I cant, I already have my scooter I'll share it tho

Chigiri "I'm very patient" why do you lie??

Reo It looks like this took you 5 seconds to write

Isagi You judge my ad so bad why don't YOU buy my cleats then.

Reo I have better things to do

He rolled his eyes in annoyance, when a sudden notification popped up at the top of his screen, catching his attention. The number had not been saved on his phone—it was an unknown number! He jumped out of his seat from the excitement, quickly opening the message.

xxx-xxxx-xxxx Hi, is this Isagi? I'm interested in the driving lessons! Are you free next week? Also, do I pay at the end of the course or like every day?

Isagi Hi, yes this is Isagi! I'm totally free The lessons are held in my neighborhood, I'll send location. 𖡡 Location Don't worry about the payment, you can pay me at the end of the course!

xxx-xxxx-xxxx How funny, I actually live like 10 minutes away! My classes end at around 2, is it okay to pop up at 3?

Isagi Of course! Mind giving me your name so that I can know who I'll be teaching? :)

xxx-xxxx-xxxx Yn Ln!

His eyes read the name on the screen over and over again, making sure to remember it. Why wouldn't he, though? You were his first of many clients. Well, at least that was what he hoped..

The week went by in the blink of an eye, and Yoichi was nervous. He stood outside his home, his back leaning against his car door. He looked down at his wrist, checking his watch. 2:58. A figure slowly approached him, and as he looked up, the tip of his ears quickly turned pink as he straightened his posture and fixed the collar of his shirt in an attempt to make a good first impression.

"Hi! Isagi, right?" you questioned, your footsteps coming to a halt as you now stood in front of him. He nodded in response, stretching his arm and his hand meeting yours in a handshake.

"You must be Ln. Let's get started, okay?"

Yoichi guided you to the passenger seat, opening the door for you and closing it once you took a seat, with him reminding you to put on your seatbelt, and quickly walking towards the other side and sitting in the driver's seat.

After asking if you had any experience driving (and to Yoichi's relief, you answered a 'yes'), he gave a short recap of what one could find when getting into a car: a steering wheel, break, turn signal indicators, accelerator, and most importantly, the clutch and shift stick.

You stated you were a bit taken aback, as your family had owned an automatic car, meaning you had no experience with a clutch, and worse, switching gears. Yoichi let out a chuckle, reassuring you that it was totally fine. He explained how learning to drive manual was much better for you in the long run, as it turned driving automatic into a breath of fresh air. Plus, 'automatic cars give a kind reminder'.

"PRNDL."

"PRNDL?"

"Please Rest, No Dozing, Lad."

You giggled, watching how his eyebrows furrowed. "I'm serious, Ln! If you fall asleep on the road, something bad could happen."

Yoichi slipped in the key, his foot on the clutch as his hand turned the key, which was followed by the revving of the engine. He showed you the clutch, his foot on top of it, pressing it down as a demonstration on how to use it. Consequently, his right hand got ahold of the shift stick, moving it around to show you how you can let the stick be in neutral, different gears, or even reverse, and how to change them at any moment.

"If you want to drive, you need to be in first gear, then slowly remove your left foot from the clutch, then place your right on the accelerator. Like this..."

As he reenacted his words, you found yourself attentive to his every move. The way his left foot pressed the clutch, how his right hand oh-so-delicately handled the shift stick, moving it left then upwards to first gear, how his left foot slowly took off from the clutch, and how his right foot pressed the accelerator, how his eyelashes fluttered with each movement of his eyes, how his ears were now completely pink, how his lips were slightly parted—

You could not fuck up your first driving lesson because your instructor was cute. No fucking way.

Your thoughts were interrupted by your instructor, who had turned off the car, handing you the keys. "You ready to try it out?" he questioned, a glint of passion evident in his ocean blue eyes. Nervously, you nodded, Yoichi stepping out of the car and opening your door in return.

You fixed the seat and rearview mirrors, adjusting them to your liking. Putting on your seatbelt, you slid the key in the keyhole and placed your foot on the clutch. Yoichi cleared his throat, making you turn your head to look at him.

"Forgetting something?"

The knowing look in his eyes, as well as his raised eyebrow should have given it away, but to his surprise, you shook your head in response. He gave a disappointed smile, his index finger pointing to his chest.

"You didn't tell me to put my seatbelt on."

Your mouth made an 'o' shape as he slid the seatbelt across his torso, the clicking sound that followed assuring you that now you were ready to begin.

It was a slow start, with the engine turning on and your left foot on the clutch. You did as told, with Yoichi making sure that you applied the right amount of pressure on the pedals. Despite his car being a tad old, it was well taken care of. The pedals weren't stiff, and neither was the clutch. Its interior was clean, with the exterior carefully polished. You could tell it was his pride and joy.

After going around the neighborhood and practicing turns, you were surprised as to how quickly you had progressed. Sure, the car shut off while driving numerous times, but Yoichi's warm smile and his verbal reassuring that yes, this is very normal when it's your first time driving kept you from freaking out.

Three hours went by like three minutes, and you soon found yourself being Yoichi's passenger, as he had offered to drive you home. It was, for the most part, a quiet drive, with Yoichi initiating small talk here and there.

"So, how'd you find out about my lessons?"

"Oh! Bachira sent your message to our Ethics class group chat, since there's a bunch of different majors in there."

Yoichi's lips curled into a smile as he remembered his friend's promise to share his 'advertisement'. You asked him why he was offering a three day course, and he explained how he was in desperate need for new cleats for his upcoming match, which ended up in him rambling on about his favorite shoe brand, his problems with sizing, and how he would definitely need the money for a good pair.

You stared at him in complete awe. How could you not? The fiery look in his eye as he described his passion for football was captivating, enough to make you interested in what he was talking about, hanging on every word that left his lips.

Unfortunately for him, his train of thought had been interrupted.

"Uhh, Isagi? You just drove past my house."

Embarrassed, he tried to play it off. "I know, it's because you haven't learned how to drive in reverse yet" he stated, his attempt at being nonchalant being in vain.

You giggled as he turned his head to the back, his right hand moving the clutch to 'reverse' and then finding its way to your seat, holding your headrest to position himself into getting a better view. Slowly, he drove back, waiting for your signal to stop.

"I had fun" you smiled, "I'll see you tomorrow, teach."

"See you tomorrow" he chuckled, "Hey! Don't forget about PRNDL!"

Yoichi was patient. Just as promised. Even though your classmate Bachira had warned you that Isagi may have lied about it on his ad, a part of you had faith that Bachira's friend would find it in his heart to be patient. You convinced yourself that these driving lessons would be nothing short of fun.

And they were!

Until you found yourself wanting to be swallowed whole by the ground, cheeks boiling hot from how embarrassed you were.

The second day was... eventful. The car turned off, you accidentally knocked a trash can (which according to you appeared out of thin air) while driving in reverse, and your instructor found himself using the emergency brake quite a few times. It was too eventful for your liking, leaving you unable to muster up courage to make a move.

It was safe to say you left your driving lesson feeling dispirited. Especially since you had 'practically ruined your chances with Isagi after making a complete fool of yourself.'

Unbeknownst to you, the smile that was plastered on Yoichi's face once he arrived home was unlike any smile he had ever flashed before, as he rambled on and to the phone laying in front of him, the name 'Chigiri' sitting at the top of the screen.

"So Ln doesn't know how to drive."

"Yeah."

"And they almost crashed your car?"

"Yes!"

"Why do you sound so happy about that?"

Yoichi wasted no time in explaining how adorable you were in his eyes. Each movement of your face was carefully studied by him (when he was not looking at the road, of course), finding your expressions nothing short of cute. Your eyebrows raised in confusion as to why you couldn't switch gears, your eyes closing shut as the trash can mysteriously appeared (which earned you a scolding from him, but he felt very bad while doing so), and the way your face lit up in excitement as you finally mastered parallel parking.

Yoichi's heart skipped a beat.

"So, when're you gonna ask Ln out?"

"Dude I'm not even sure if Ln likes me."

"Do it tomorrow."

He rolled his eyes in annoyance, his thumb pressing the red button on his screen. "Yeah, yeah. G'night, princess."

Yoichi Isagi almost didn't sleep that night, his mind racing as your image popped by every few minutes. He just wanted to be helpful, is what he thought at first, thinking of techniques he could teach you, his cute pupil. The more he thought about it, the more entangled he was with his own thoughts, the thought of possible rejection making his heart sink.

At the same time, you laid in your bed, heart thumping as you buried your face in your pillow in an attempt to sleep. At one point, you and him thought the same thing:

I have three days to prove myself, so let's make it count.

Yoichi had planned ahead. Your comfort was his priority, and after seeing how frustrated you were the day before, he knew he had to cheer you up somehow.

So when you sat in his car's driver's seat on the third day of the course, Yoichi asked you for your favorite artist, playing their music at a low volume so that you would still be able to concentrate while driving.

"I want you to feel comfortable, and to not fear the wheel. If you feel nervous, chances are you're not gonna do well, Ln. So trust, okay?"

You nodded in response, turning on the engine. The ride was much smoother, and it seemed like Yoichi's plan had worked! You were much calmer, the car didn't shut off as much, and you had practically mastered driving up to third gear. As you drove around the neighborhood, you tried to downshift, finding yourself unable to do so properly, bringing the car to a halt.

Yoichi suggested double clutching, a technique he had learned from his father. After some back and forth, you agreed to try it, failing after the first try and shutting the engine off yet again, your face turning red in response. Your instructor took notice of your puffy cheeks and irritated expression, which meant that it was time to move on to the second phase of his plan.

He explained how, in order to practice shifting gears, you had to drive another lap around the neighborhood. You did as told, confused as to why Yoichi started giving different directions and telling you to turn towards streets you had not driven through before.

"Turn right at the next stop. Park, then wait for me 5 minutes."

Turning on the parking lights, you carefully parked the car where Yoichi explained. Looking at your surroundings, you noticed that Yoichi had made you stop outside a convenience store. He stepped outside of the car, his hand waving goodbye at you as he sprinted inside. A few minutes later he walked outside of the store, a bag in hand. He opened his door and sat inside, taking a packaged ice pop from outside the bag.

"It's for you" he smiled, handing you the ice pop. "Your face was red, so I figured we could cool off with a snack."

You thanked him, taking the ice pop from his hand and opening the packaging. You would be lying to yourself if you said the ice pop did not help with your frustration, as its delicious, juicy flavor calmed your senses. It was then when Yoichi struck up a conversation.

"So, how are you liking the driving lessons so far?"

"I like them, it's been fun! I mean—it's hard, but I'm hoping to get used to it, y'know?"

Yoichi smiled, exclaiming he was glad that you managed to find enjoyment in driving. He seemed as if he got lost in his own thoughts, the smile quickly fading and falling into a pout.

"Have I..."

He pauses, unsure of whether or not he wanted to ask, or if it was even worth asking. A part of him already knew the answer yet he slowly became doubtful, a small drop of insecurity staining his once confident train of thought.

"Have I been a good teacher?"

You loudly giggled, which concerned Yoichi even more, thinking that perhaps his worst fear actually came true. Fortunately for him, though, the words that left your mouth after were reassuring to him, his nervous expression changing into a joyful one.

"Are you kidding? Isagi—you're a great teacher. I don't think I would've learned to drive if I had anyone else as an instructor" you smiled, moving your hand with the ice pop so that yours could meet his. "You teach so good, I could honestly take you out to dinner."

You froze in your seat, wondering if your senses were playing games with you, or if you actually let that slip. Yoichi's whole face was a warm shade of pink, his lips slightly parting as if he was going to say something.

"...when?"

"What do you mean when?"

"When will we go to dinner?"

"Uhh... when do you want to go to dinner?"

The corner of Yoichi's lips curled to form a smirk as his gaze met yours, "Let's do this instead. If you pass your driver's exam with me, I'll pay for dinner. If you fail, you're paying."

"So yesterday you gave him a high-five with your popsicle, told him he's a great teacher, and asked him out to dinner?"

"...yes?"

"Did something happen today???"

"Not really. I mean, he was a bit awkward at first, and so was I! But we tried double clutching and the car didn't turn off!"

"And you called me because...?"

"Because I need you to meet up with me at the mall, Bachira" you smiled. Oddly enough, his voice was nothing but a comforting sound to you, distracting you from the fact that tomorrow would be your last day seeing Yoichi. Wanting to make it memorable, you hit up your trusted friend to act as your sidekick.

After explaining your idea to Bachira, he seemed more excited than you were. Perhaps it was the nerves, seeing as you would either be a star in Yoichi's eyes or a total embarrassment.

"You sure he's a nine?" you asked.

"Positive! I'm a nine and a half, and his shoes don't fit me. Just keep the receipt in case they don't fit so that he can change the size."

"And you're sure that these are the ones he likes?"

"Yup" he replied popping the 'p'. "Look, Yn, if he spent a good amount of time ranting to you about how he loves these, then I'm sure those are the ones."

"Are you really sure?"

"..."

"Bachira?"

"..."

"BACHIRA!"

"Sorry! Isagi texted me."

"What did he say?"

He laughed, "Nunya—I'm not a snitch. Gotta go, see ya in a few!"

Who knew shopping for cleats would be... such a hard ass procedure?

Heel slippage, playing surface, playing position, type of cleats, materials, size, weight, and more. The chunks of information swarming your brain all at once eventually made you dizzy. If it weren't for Yoichi's ramblings and Bachira's guidance (and what he knew from playing alongside Yoichi), you managed to find the perfect pair.

The odds were in your favor, because the same exact pair of cleats Yoichi lost were on sale.

After a sleepless night from the nervousness, and constant doubting of whether or not you made the right choice of purchasing cleats for a guy you met four days ago, you were ready for the final day. That is, if "ready" could be defined by letting your eyes close shut in an attempt to sleep as Yoichi explained his 'test', with him constantly asking if you're okay.

Yoichi was worried, with him even suggesting that you reschedule the test free of charge, but you shook your head in response, sliding in the key and turning the engine on.

Sure, it would have been nice to reschedule and see Isagi one last time, but your ego itched at the fact that you would be unable to drive at this moment.

Safe to say, the test was... alright. It started off as a few twists and turns, switching gears, double clutching, and parking parallel, perpendicular, and angle. Reverse parking was the biggest pain, though, as you almost knocked over a light post that "magically appeared", with Yoichi quickly pulling the emergency brake. After that teeny incident, though, things were smooth-sailing, with you parking outside your home and switching seats with Yoichi.

"So.. how did I do?"

"I mean..."

His expression was concerning, his eyebrows furrowed and his gaze so concentrated, it brought chills down your spine. Did you fuck up that badly?

"Light post aside," he stated, his expression suddenly changing into a cheerful one "I think you did a pretty good job! Congratulations, Ln!"

You sighed in relief, lips curling into a smile as you remembered the item you bought yesterday. Getting out of the car, you told him to wait there, quickly going inside your home and stepping out with a gift bag. He tilted his head to the side in confusion as you opened the door and sat in the passenger seat, a huge grin on your face.

"What's the bag for?"

"Just a little something for ya."

He carefully peeled the bag open, his eyes widening and his mouth falling agape in disbelief. Taking the box out of the bag, he opened it, only to find a brand new pair of cleats, the exact same pair he had lost a while back.

"Did you really..?"

You nodded.

The amount of "thank you's" that escaped Yoichi's lips were far too many to count, eventually becoming some sort of slurred, unrecognizable chant. You giggled as you watched him trace his fingers around the cleats, utterly enamored by them.

"About the payment, Isagi, I don't have cash so I was wondering if you accepted wire transfer—"

"Oh, don't worry about it."

"Huh?"

"Yeah there's no need! The cleats are enough."

Yoichi grinned as he took off the emergency break and fastened his seatbelt, waiting for you to do the same. His hand was on the shift stick, and his foot was on the clutch.

"Where are we going?"

"Dinner" he smiled, "You passed, so I'm taking you out to dinner."

You smiled as you relaxed in the passenger seat, your eyes naturally closing from exhaustion.

"Sleepy? You can doze off, it's a long way to where we're going."

You sighed pleasantly as you felt your body slowly falling asleep as Yoichi softly mumbled to himself.

"...please rest now, dear lover."

[yxstxrdrxxm-a]

SYNOPSIS: Knowing too much may become your downfall: that was the motto that Kaeya lived with until the day he dies.

TW/s: delusional thinking, yandere tendencies, unrequited love, toxic dynamic/s, implications for Diluc’s matchup + darling, conniving bastard won’t say a fucking word, master manipulator, we are going down the memory lane of “fucking people up”, nsfw tws include human trafficking, experimentation, operating on individuals and other things. Please dni if you are uncomfortable.

NOTE FROM HR: Happy Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately, it seems that Kaeya has a few things he’d like to express. I do wonder what they are, considering he did seem a bit somber…

Kaeya was never expecting to be able to get ‘in’ to such a tight-knit company like this, and especially when his lineage can cause people to raise some eyebrows. After all, no one in their right mind would have the chance of employing someone and getting them on the waitlist when they value the sense of ‘authenticity’ to their rentals.

And for him, he might be right. They do value that, but now, it seems they decided to forego their morals for how pretty he looked in the standards of the human population all across the globe.

Now, Celestia Inc. isn't all that bad. It's not that glorious as people make it out to be, all due to its shady past, but it was enough that people don't bother to raid it one day in hopes of having to take it down. After all, they are everywhere online: people may mention their sudden rise in certain niches, and some even mention their still standing operations. One of them was, surprisingly enough, MixMatch.

A dating site.

Back then, it was closed for a group of people to join. A payment for being a 'rental boyfriend', with its payment costs going as high as one can dream. They pay you at least 10 million when you manage to get matched with someone, and entertain them enough that they'd be satisfied. If they aren't, you get 5 to compensate for your troubles.

To Kaeya, this doesn't seem to be a 'dream come true'. To him, he knows that this feels more like a ploy to get others to join in. It was a marketing strategy, so when people join this 'free' and 'hot on the app store' dating app and website, they'd get traction oh so quickly.

He didn't like the idea. It sickened him. But he couldn't be bothered to correct them.

When he joined, he found that it was the same as those corporations he worked at prior. As a host in the past, he managed to get himself used to the workflow and gained traction in over a month. He's heard others comment on how he seemingly captured the public's eye from how different he is, and from his reputation from other countries, they were coming in like drones.

He liked the attention he's got because of that. And yet, for him, it all felt rather empty. Like it wasn't meant to be this long-lasting, and he needed— no, he craved for more.

He was greedy. A greedy man with a hollow heart.

Each smile he sent to his clients was not a genuine smile. Each wink and 'kind' gesture was all a ruse. A stage performance. He didn't feel anything for these people, and he didn't even feel the same as they do. Each confession they have for him was always met with the hollow words of 'I do feel the same way that you do', only to see them get the safer way to go.

He's aware of the dark side of MixMatch. After all, their Boss was nothing short of a past harbinger who stepped down. No one knows his name, no one knows who they are— but their workers all fear him.

He's seen him order the cleaners to get rid of the drugged clients. He's watched them all go down in their homes, ransack and ruin the place, and return with the client gagged and in a drugged rest. He watched with emptiness as they were then operated on with shady doctors, Dottore having a hand in some of these as he used their bodies for his sick desires.

He watched them become human sacks, their bodies empty of their organs but full of salt and junk, and for Dottore to tell them to take the organs down 'below'. He watched them become tied, their jello-like body being tossed to another set where they would be disposed of.

It's a fucked up operation.

Everyone knows this when they get signed up.

And yet, because of regulations, they can never breathe a word of what goes behind the scenes. Not to their friends, families, their coworkers, therapists, no.

Not a single word can be escaped from the confines of Celestia Inc.

If you asked him how his first date went, Kaeya would answer that it went… Interesting.

Sof was definitely the type many would like, especially for a casa nova like him. She isn’t too picky with who she wants, and her affectionate behavior made it easier for the duo to banter. However, what he didn’t like was the fact she’s blind to any sign of danger.

Such is the payment of being the ideal girl many would date, he mused. But I don’t like people who can’t see what danger is, much less even enable that without thinking that they will get hurt, too.

Kaeya is picky with what he likes from someone, and it’s why he’s so high maintenance. To his credit, though, he makes it obvious in his profile. He wanted someone that would be responsible, that would be able to handle the spontaneity of their dates, and that they won’t even judge him if things were going somewhere that isn’t in their plans.

And although many did swipe right on him, he looked through their profiles before checking to see if they were worth it. The answer? None of them were.

Well, except a few, like Sof.

Which is why he’s now regretting that decision, as he realized that she’s simply not the one he preferred to stay with. She was interesting, but he disliked those who can’t even see past the warning signs that go to their face. He found it more or less… Idiotic, in his standards.

Alas, he needed to keep pretending. That’s what he’s good at, after all.

“Where do you want to go?” he asked Sof as they left the restaurant, his easy-going smile present on his face. “I have a few places we can go to next. Although, since it’s getting a bit late, we can plan on heading back home after a short shopping trip.”

“Oh! Uh… Yeah, we can go out and get some groceries. I wanted to try baking when we get home,” Sof replied, a pep in her step as they walked to where he parked his motorcycle. “Hehe, I didn’t know you were a cat person, Kaeya. Have you owned a cat before?”

“You can say that,” he answered, tossing a coin and catching it deftly with one hand—a small trick he’s used to doing when they were simply chatting. “I own a maine coon back home. My brother, Diluc, isn’t a fan of cats. Never was, anyway, since one scratched him when he was young.”

Granted, they were both young and their father warned him, but he knew they were both too mischievous to listen. It was why Diluc hated cats, even when he became a magnet to them.

“Really? Hehe, that’s funny! I remember a friend of mine who hates cats…”

Try as Kaeya might, he could only tune out what Sof was saying. There was a sense of difficulty in paying attention to someone he doesn’t really enjoy being around. He thought of the matches he swiped as those who he really wanted to be with, but meeting with Sof, he felt disappointed.

He didn’t see her as someone that fits his needs. She was just another one of the fakes he had to deal with later. Such a shame. He was starting to like her, too. 

Alas, she isn’t perfect. She needs to be perfect. And he’s starting to get annoyed at the sound of her voice.

Too loud. Too piercing. Too imperfect.

No, she can never fit his standards. She never will.

“Kaeya?”

“Mm?” he hummed, seeing her grab her helmet and his hands instinctively grabbing his own. Realizing what he was doing, he laughed.

“Sorry, I just did them while I was zoning out. Hop on, Sof, we need to go to the nearest store and get those supplies.”

“Oh! Of course, hold on!”

He could feel the motorcycle move as Sof got on behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. It reminded him of those scenes in romance movies, where the girl will cling onto her potential lover as they rode off, the sun setting in the background.

He recalled seeing it and feeling that it could be him with his lover, riding off the sunset and simply enjoying the air. The golden hour setting just right, the rays hitting their complexion as he looked at them. He remembered just how lovesick he got at the idea, he craved for that same feeling when he grew older.

Such wild fantasies. He needed to work for it, but how could he, when the people he met were too imperfect?

Riding off, he could see the scene play out. However, his eyes were focused on the road, his ears straining for the beeps and sounds around them. He needed to focus on where he was going, lest he, too, will drive off somewhere else.

Despite the noise that he heard, his mind remained clear.

He knew what needed to be done.

Kaeya had so many things he's kept secret. Every client he has met, he's kept a secret that he can never tell.

Including the ones he sees ever so often.

It was a normal day when he came to the company as usual (and way before things went haywire, oddly enough), and he was assigned with yet another person to go on a date with. Although, the one he was assigned to date next had their form already in the red.

It all screamed imperfect to him. It just looked as though someone pushed her to do it all in one go, especially with the direct bias of seeing who she really likes in her profile.

It made him scowl.

How dumb were they to assign someone like that to him?

"█d████, are you sure you'll be assigning me with her?" Kaeya asked the matchmaker, watching them sigh as they gave him a look. "You know my tastes and all, but their form is rushed. I'm surprised that you haven't bothered trying to get them with someone else."

"Look, Kae, I tried. I tried, okay? But the others that fit them are taken by their previous matches. There is no way that they would simply accept getting switched like that," they explained, trying to assign his match. "Besides, we're running out of time. We need to get it sorted before the Boss gets mad!"

Kaeya scoffs. Seriously? They're always so concerned about someone else, it's ridiculous... And laughable, to boot.

"What will the boss do, hm? Would he come down and interfere?" he taunted them, scowling. "You and I know that he doesn't bother to try. All he does is simply hide himself in there because he's become too paranoid to even care."

"Paranoid? Paranoid? Please, Kaeya, do you honestly think he'd be too paranoid when he's raised a hand against me and the others?"

Kaeya's eyes narrowed. It was true that he raised a hand against them, but that simply proved his point. He didn't exactly understand why they would be so scared of a middle aged man that may drop dead over what happened weeks ago.

"Oh, that's right. You guys are paid enough to not care, don't you?" they taunted, laughing at his face. It sounded so... Forced. Mocking, even. It sounded like they were at their wits end with him, like the stress from the job got to their head.

"Yeah. Yeah, that seems to be it. You all have no remorse after being serial murderers, huh? And for what, your clients?"

"I'd stop talking if I were you, █████e," he warned, but they laughed at his face once more.

"Me? Stop? Never! You guys are all such a pain, I'm tired of playing nice!"

Even if Kaeya wanted to, he had to hold his tongue. Watching their face contort to mania, he was reminded of why the job was so twisted to the point of being inhumane.

It drives their workers into madness.

Watching Cupid lose it, he stepped back, mumbling an apology as he turned to leave. Even when he closed the door, he could still hear the echoes of their laughter, soon followed with sobbing. He knew that they were at their limit, but still...

...

He watched Eros come by, giving him a knowing look.

"Did you push them over the edge?" Eros asked, scowling. "They're going to leave the company after this week. Don't make this harder than it has to be, Alberich."

"I didn't expect them to break this much and you know it, Eros," he reasoned, but they only shook their head and walked off towards their office.

"That doesn't mean that you and everyone else weren't at fault."

Watching Eros enter their office, he could only sigh. Perhaps he's in a bit of denial, but he didn't think that she, of all people in the industry, would ever say that.

It truly goes to show where his dedication and loyalty lies.

If there was one thing he was right on, it would be his second date.

Unlike Sof, his date with Eli did not go as well as he had feasibly hoped for. Maybe he had his doubts set too high, because he was convinced that she simply wasn’t fit for the app as a whole. To him, he had thought that she would ever learn from her mistakes, but the way she acted like she was the one being inconvenienced irked him.

He hated that she’s too avoidant. He hated those types of people.

To him, he never understood why you’d go on the app to find love. Will you ever treat those you dislike the same way? Act like you were the one being inconvenienced, and not the one that has to deal with your childish acts?

Kaeya can be mischievous in his own way, yes, but even he has decorum. And frankly, he despised those who think they can act so two-faced with him. He isn’t a fool.

While his date was busy acting like they were in a good relationship (and not one where she wanted to ditch him in the middle of the day), he took the chance to check on his phone. Already, he could see notifications from TeyvaTweets, rambling about how her recent date is not the one for her.

[ I wanted Alhaitham or Wriothesley, but this guy swiped right instead. ]

[ He’s pretty, but I don’t really like him all that much lol. ]

[ Oh god im gonna get back on my date, going to lyk if it goes horribly. ]

He turned the phone off and frowned. He didn’t want to show it, but he does sometimes wonder if her being nice was simply just a ploy to keep him entertained. After all, she has expressed (on her private account, that is) that she’d drop Kaeya to “go after that hottie”, whilst attaching the photo of the boss of MixMatch.

What a joke.

They all know that the Boss would simply use her and leave her to rot. No one would look at him, go through his background, and tweet at how they can still try to get to him. ‘To get to know him better’, as one would say.

“Hey, uh, I gotta go. I have to go to the hospital to check on them.”

Lies. He knew she didn't. Besides, she couldn’t be bothered to look him straight in the eye as she told him. What is he, an idiot?

Still, he was glad it was over. Putting on a face of mock concern, his brows furrowed and he spoke.

“Oh? I see… Do you need me to drive you there?”

“No need! I can handle it,” Eli answered, packing up her things as they left the cafe awkwardly. “I’m so sorry if we have to cut it short. You must have so many plans for our date today, especially when things are getting hectic in the agency.”

Kaeya laughed, but not out of amusement. It was simply out of… politeness, in a way. Sure, he had work to do with the agency, but what they’re doing is far more different. And for him, he could hardly care if he had lost that job because he decided to slack off.

After all, he knew his date didn’t bother to give him the respect he deserved. So why should he do that in return? He’s bound to see her tweet again about this ‘awful experience’ or something.

“It's alright, I was thinking it’d come to this. I’ll catch you later then.”

Waving at Eli, he watched as she did the same and left, though the sight of her walking so stiffly as if she was scared of him brought him a bit of amusement in return. When he was sure she was gone, he lowered it with a sigh.

Another failed date, and this one was the worst he’s gotten. Unlike Sof, he didn’t feel all too bad about Eli—after all, both of them never liked each other, so why should he?

Pulling up his phone, he began to dial someone’s number. He, truthfully, never thought of needing help from the likes of him, but he had to call it when the truth was staring at him in the face.

That he and a few others needed their services to deal with a few too many bad matches, and especially ones that want to get near to those that will never look twice. Especially those who thought of him as a good guy for his actions.

Then, he clicks the call button. And it starts to ring.

He could vaguely feel it vibrate as he waited for someone to answer. The caller ID was someone that he knew too well, and especially with how their relationship is like after everything that has happened.

Each time he didn’t feel them pick up, he could only sigh and head to his ride. He knew they were avoiding it, but he wasn’t going to let up until he’s sure they’d take the call.

…

…

And when he felt his hopes dwindle, he felt the vibration of his phone stop, alongside a gruff and annoyed voice.

“Kaeya. I thought you and I agreed not to call each other when we’re both busy in work hours.”

“Hmm, we have, but I just needed to ask you a bit of favor, mr. Diluc,” he replied, humming in amusement. “Are you still looking for people that can help you with the wine tasting? Especially that new brew you made?”

He could hear Diluc take a deep breath, and the sigh that followed made him smile a tad wider. Even when they were all twisted in their way, he knew that Diluc remained the same way that Kaeya always knew him to be.

It’s a shame, though. They aren’t as close as he remembered, especially after what happened years ago.

“... Yes, I am. I found some that are willing, but they haven’t come back to inform me when they’ll be available.”

“I see… Well, I have someone I would love for you to meet. I’m sure you’ll like her—she fits you just right.”

No man could say a single soul what Kaeya is capable of.

Some rumored that he was a demented man, masquerading as but as a young police officer who’s mischievous and doesn’t enjoy spending long hours in his work. Others, though, say that he may be one of those people who are involved in the mess that was the Ghost Killings, at how his smile and demeanor can be so… off-putting.

As for his beloved, the one he deemed to be perfect, well… It would be neither. Kaeya was Kaeya, after all. Even if he were to be sick in the head, there was no way in Hell would anyone be able to get a single word from him.

Descending downstairs, Kaeya looked over at the room he’s decorated all for his beloved. The one he was truly, truly meant to be was all kept safely in there, double locked for his safety, and so that no one may find them. Grabbing the keys, he began to insert them in the padlocks and turn them, pushing the door open when he was done getting through the restraints.

Laid before him was his own personal darling, all laid so pretty and docile on the bed he set for him. Sure, he couldn’t speak, for his mouth had been gagged, but those dull eyes spoke more than Kaeya’s one eye could ever hope for.

“I’m home, darling,” he called out, the lovesick man stumbling to the rather complacent lover he had in his house. “Oh, I do hope I haven’t left you rotting here for so long, my dearest. Work has been exhausting for me to deal with.”

They hadn’t said a word to him, but he didn’t care. It was almost like he heard them whisper something to him, making him laugh like he was demented.

“You’re jealous? Over what, pray tell?”

Silence. Then another beat of laughter, this time more unhinged and loose than the first.

“Over them? Darling, you wound me! They’re far, far too imperfect. I have simply made sure that the ones I got were to be taken care of. You always said you wanted to have their eyes.”

Oh, he’s aware of what happened to Ba. Ba had an accident years, years ago. Their relationship had been rocky, sure, but that accident had led Kaeya to go through grief. It was almost ironic, for he experienced the first of it by his adoptive father dying.

He was unable to do anything for his adopted father. Diluc resented him for his inaction, thus, their separation. And with poor Ba… He resents the world for taking him away.

The first time he’s felt love was during college with Ba, but it was the first toxic one he had. He hadn’t been the best man for his first love, and it led to them having arguments and extreme disagreements. It wasn’t always like this, but it hurts Kaeya when they fight.

It hurts to see the person he adored too much to hate him. Spew his name out like it’s a sin.

So when Ba died during the height of their biggest fight, Kaeya was going through it again. However, he had the means to… Assist Ba in his partings.

All it truly took was the cost of his heart and his eyes to get back what’s his.

Tracing over the open chest, he grabbed the bloodied, unbeating heart that he got from Eli’s corpse. Ah, it was too imperfect, but slotting it inside Ba’s felt like it was meant to be. Those eyes he took from another girl had been replaced, slotting in the ones from Sol.

He always resented those that couldn’t see, nor those who couldn’t feel.

But now, looking at his lover who owned those faults, he couldn’t help but laugh and love them all the same.

Ba is now complete. Kaeya knows that.

And yet those tears still fell as the beat of his heart was the only one left in the world.

The world that took Ba away, and his humanity along with it.

@.throw-letter-away | do not republish or repost my works anywhere | 2024

[radmalenia]

if you love sucking up to a nazi so much why don't you book yourself a first class one way trip to hogwarts, i heard terfs get to ride free in the furnace because they're so full of hot air and sure love going off the rails with their trainwreck takes

Dear, you are literally delusional. You have no room to say a single word about people like me being "full of hot air". Lmao!

One, you're deluded about her being a Nazi (I'm assuming you mean JK Rowling here.) I don't know where the fuck you got this idea, but it is so bullshit you may as well also start believing the earth is flat.

Two, you're deluded that people are "sucking up to her" - when actually it's that people respect and love what she has to say and what she does, and therefore genuinely like her and support her.

Three, you're deluded about "terfs" being treated horribly in a world where Hogwarts existed.

~ "Terfs" are kind, strong, intelligent, normal women; who stand up for their rights and for all women, and who have ideological disagreements and criticisms of transgender beliefs. That's...not exactly an evil character. That's fairly neutral as far as people go; and it makes for a good character, in fact.

~ Also, Harry Potter characters are often known to have short patience for the sort of nonsensical bullshit that trans ideologists would tell them about gender identity... Judging off what we're told of them; most if not all would brush that shit off with a laugh. They'd look at you like you have two heads. And would therefore be rather sympathetic to women like us who are challenging your beliefs.

~ This would particularly be true once they learn about things like you putting males in women's prisons, bathrooms, locker rooms, sports, even lesbian dating apps...by letting them just claim to be women. The average person IRL doesn't support that shit here in the real world - why would they in this one?? Harry Potter is about humans, therefore human sexual dimorphism is also real there; and so the characters understand sex and women's needs for female only spaces - (I could even pull stuff out of the books to show that if I really wanted to spend extra time on this, but it's not needed.)

Four, you're deluded that the Hogwarts Express could ever "go off the rails" - it's a magical train and known for perfect punctuality!

Overall you desperately need to work on your insults. They're all over the place, full of holes and bullshit, show your ignorance; and basically are incredibly weak and lame.

Seriously, I could eat alphabet soup and then shit out something more coherent and more stinging than whatever the fuck that flop of an ask was. That ask was a trainwreck; my dear delusional anon. You failed miserably and made a fool of yourself, and you literally were projecting when you spoke of "trainwrecks". 😂 So, nice try. It didn't work. Try again perhaps, if you have the guts for it...

[lokisasylum]

Someone on twitter said that ‘FACE’ brought out the true ugly face of the Music Industry--

But I think that it also brought out the true ugly face of the ARMY fandom.

So much so that from locals, casual listeners, to even the most hardcore Jimin biased OT7s finally realized that everything PJMS have been pointing out FOR YEARS was true all along.

That a great chunk of the fandom simply doesn’t care or downright HATES Jimin without reason and they will go to the most disgusting lengths to keep others from seeing the light as well under the constant harassment/threat/gaslighting of being called a “solo anti”.

They’re STILL doing it today, because somehow someone else failure is Jimin’s fault for some reason (but not the laziness of the ones who talked big and then did absolutely NOTHING to support all members solo projects the same way. And people showing full support for Jimin is considered some type of capital Sin).

And the shippers were the worst part of the deal, because most only cared about maintaining the integrity of their delusional narrative rather than protecting AND supporting both ends of their ship EQUALLY. 

Yoonminions wouldn’t stop bitching and moaning a week before the pre-release of “Set Me Free Pt.2″,  about some one-sided beef against Jimin for not “properly crediting” Yoongi IN A SONG & ALBUM THAT WERE NOT HIS TO BEGIN WITH. And only when Jimin said in an interview that the song was a nod to D2, BUT NOT DIRECTLY RELATED TO IT.  Only then did they finally STFU and started supporting.

Vminies... its time to wake up and smell the coffee, mi cielas, this cannot go on. We cannot continue with the crying-parties & embarrassing hashtags on twitter 24/7. You cannot claim a divorce when there was never a marriage to begin with. Do like Elsa and Let it go~♫

Jikookers... where to start with all of you lol... many of you were CHILL and constantly gave updates on Jimin, achievements, streaming parties and methods, voting, buying, funds, ect.

So yes, THANK YOU for your service & undying support to Team Jimin. 

The other half, however, were downright DISAPPOINTMENT upon disappointment. I swear if I could shove ya’ll in a blender on Max Speed I’m pretty sure that blender would malfunction and we’d all die together in a Nuclear Explosion. Because what do you mean you didn’t even bother listening to the whole album in support of Jimin but you suddenly gave a shit when it was revealed that there was a hidden track called “Letter” (also known as “DEAR. ARMY” as it is registered on KOMCA) where JK just did some backing vocals near the end??

And don’t even get me started  on the ones who were caught dragging other members, knowing this would get Jimin dragged as well. Those are the worse and already reaching a level of delusion I’ve only seen in trashcookers on the bird app.

But you know what tho? That’s okay, ‘cause outside of stan twitter, outside of tumblr, FB, IG, ect... None of that shit matters, Jimin's still loved, still winning, Those “other fandoms” that always shaded him got a rude awakening recently, and those individuals that always tried to discredit his achievements ALSO got a rude awakening themselves. And that’s on Karma.

So remember: “Everyone wants to see you doing good, but not better than them.“

[gavisuntiedboot]

you are 22 years of age fucking hag 😭 stop being so delusional over a BARELY LEGAL ADULT he’s literally dating her

Oh no! A random on the internet called me a hag! Where is the nearest corner for me to go cry and slit my wrists in??

As a 21 year old adult, it is not my job to raise other people's children on the internet. You don't like what I'm doing? Tough. Stop exhibiting this obsessive fan behavior and block me. The block feature is actually my favorite feature on this app. The amount of lifelessness it takes to sit and write this comment to me? Wow. I wish I could ever have this much free time on my hands.

If you were capable of reading, you would notice I said I don't care whether they're dating or not. But I understand that reading above a 3rd grade level is difficult for some people, and I hope you progress quickly in your reading journey!

Now to the comment about my age - yes I am 21. Yes Gavi is 18. I found out about him after he had already been 18 for almost half a year. In my real life away from the internet, I have gone for men who were born in 2004. Men born in 1998 went after me when I was an 18 year old, and it was absolutely fine because we were in college together at the same time. That's a 3 year age gap. I personally don't see anything wrong with liking someone within that age gap. So you can cry and scream and pull your hair out one follicle at a time and I will still sleep peacefully and soundly.

Some of you get really bold behind these anons and I find it hilarious, because you are a sad little person that only feels confident enough to show the nastiest part of yourself when you think no one knows who you are. But all this ugliness that makes you bully people on the internet? That's you. On the inside, you are a fundamentally unhappy person, and I genuinely hope you get better soon. Because no one who has one shred of self worth types out hate messages for people on the internet. See help my love, and have a great night <<33

Sincerely,

Gavi's old hag

[the-rainbow-lesbian]

If you go up to a random trans woman and ask her out, she'll probably say "Sure but isn't that a little forward of you?? Shouldn't we get to know each other first?" Just like any sane person would.

Relationships are dependent on so much balance and mutual respect to be successful and rewarding, and any trans women looking for anything meaningful know this too. You don't seem like someone who'd offer them mutual respect...so I don't think they'd want to date you at all. Which is probably exactly what you want. It sounds like you might need to talk to a therapist and work out some issues unrelated to this entire topic 🤷‍♀️

Nobody's forcing "Them" on you. This is an example of the conservative-esque strategy of "make up someone that doesn't exist, or find the absolute worst example of any minority and get mad at it." People are gonna point out that it's a little weird how fixated you are on this stuff though. Going through any blog on here and seeing SO MUCH dedicated to the idea that "Trans Women Are Evil Delusional Horny Men" is a little bit odd.

We all have to worry about getting kicked out and being homeless if we have ultra-conservative parents. We all have to worry about people saying we're going to hell or whatever and discriminating against us. Surely there are more useful things to get mad about on the internet than this idea that lives rent free in your head :(

Surely there are better hobbies than this.

why would I ask out a man as a lesbian? what a weird thing to say.

also yeah I’d love to not be doing this, I’d love it if “transwomen” as you call them didn’t take over our dating apps, bars and spaces. I’d love nothing more if these “transwomen” were as respectable as you are making them out to be, then we wouldn’t need to have this conversation, tell them to keep their dicks in their pants, don’t come at the women who are just protecting themselves.

lastly don’t send me anymore asks until you read this entire thing.

[jongseongsnudes]

OMG HI!! I JUST WANT TO DROP THESE WORDS (THIS WAS ALL RIKI'S BAD BOY FIC FAULT) I JUST FINISHED READING THE GREATEST FLUFF FIC OF NI-KI IN THIS APP AND I MUST SAY THIS GOT TO BE MY FAVORITE REALLY, 100% LIKEE!?@!@, YOUR WORK IS UNDENIABLY GOOD, I WAS LEFT SPEECHLESS EVERY TIME (coming from your silent reader 🤭) I REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR HARDWORK TO SATISFY OUR DELUSIONAL STATE, SO I'M REALLY GRATEFUL THAT SOMEONE AS WRITER LIKE YOU EXIST (you've one of my favorite actually^^ and been your reader since 2022 so I'm patiently waiting for your every update and the waiting is definitely worth it) THANK U AGAIN FOR HARDWORK, I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

may I ask if ni-ki's fic is already finished? I'm afraid it's not like? what about the bet y/n and ruto made? it makes me feel anxious like I'm sensing an angst?? maybe? (I HOPE NOT PLEASE, I KNOW YOU HAVE A GOOD HEART 🥺🥹) I need assurance so that my heart can rest in peace and calm beside ni-ki's arm 🤭

i think this has been in my inbox for a while, i'm so sorry love 😭💗

first off i really appreciate you leaving such a long message for me despite being a silent readerrrrr i love these types of messages so feel free to stop by anytime again 😭😭💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

hahaha i'm not sure if you're still keeping up with the ni-ki fic but they're officially together! 😅 trust me, i was tempted to do angst but i couldn't do that to my baby! whether you're still around or not, i just wanted you to know that i'm so glad and thankful that you've supported the fic from the start~

[ultramaga]

Ok, so these women are incels, and the only reason they are not called that is because they are women and it's been turned into a male only slur. They say they are lonely. Maybe they deserve to be. (*GASP*) What I mean is, maybe they are making self-sabotaging choices, and that would be pointed out if they are male. Maybe they are aiming too high. I see this a lot. The studies I have seen show that women rate themselves as being in the top twenty percent. They also only show interest in the top twenty percent of males. What's the saying? Three Sixes? Gotta have six figures, a sixpack, and over six feet in height. And usually the women are mid in appearance at best, earn nothing, and won't provide kids or anything. They just expect free stuff.

Man, I remember one show which had this obese woman moaning about how lonely she was. Her friend tried to hint that she would do better if she lost some weight. Her response was the men had to learn to love her as she was. Meanwhile, she was going for the men with ripped bodies and stuffed wallets. Who had women, by the truckload. Those men get plenny o'pussy. They aren't going to settle for her. "a stranger from reddit specifically" So what happens when these women go on dating apps? They get messages from strangers specifically. How are they a better quality of male? Aren't they more likely to be dangerous, to be deceitful, than someone who has shared their thoughts for years? And know I don't use Reddit, but it just seems like bad reasoning to me.

I remember seeing another of those shows where the woman was complaining that all the men had low six figure incomes. She really wanted a seven. She was working part time at a goddamn checkout. She was, at best, average in appearance. But she's expecting Elon Musk to shower her in gold. I don't even seek these shows out. But the unrealistic expectations of Western women is pretty damn obvious. It's no wonder they have stopped marrying, stopped having kids, buy a horde of cats and drink themselves to death.

If I look at conservative women, i.e. women in conservative communities - they get married. They get to know men through church etc. They don't look for the rich stud unless they can offer the equivalent. They have lots of kids and seem pretty happy. Whereas the Leftist women seem neurotic, universally on medications for depression, endless boasting of their mental illnesses, and grossly overweight.

The 80/20 rule was actually discovered by psychologists doing surveys on a dating service they set up specifically for research (OKCupid). The funny thing is I had used it successfully myself - and noticed the pattern. A lot of modern women, especially Leftists, are incredibly delusional about their own attractiveness.

Look at how much hate they directed to the Japanese Family Ad.

He's taking them to McDonalds? CHEAP! Where's the caviar and champagne?! I deserve ONLY THE BESTTTTTT... And then they end up alone, when they could have a life shared, a family, grandchildren ...

[the-good-projxct]

May 30th, 2024

6.50 pm. Listening to Stormzy Firebabe. I am BORED AF. Like bored dot com. I have scrolled and scrolled. I don’t feel like reading. I don’t wanna be outside. I decided to write sooo shout out to me for choosing this. My period came this morning and the way I timed those cramps, I had drugs in my system before the uterus had a chance to rise and shine. So yaayyy! To a no cramps period. I got up around 11, chilled with Sweetie Banana and Moka wa Mwiti while they taught me wild Meru tings. Then I showered, went to buy pads at the mall, got measured by Ngina, walked to WWF (no, not wrestling but wildlife) to find out about volunteering/interning, then I walked home. The walk was so nice. I was just feeling God, the Universe, and Love. Like the trees we’re reminding me that I am them and they are me. Just like they deserve to be here, so do I. These are huge trees, likely some hundred years old. An Ancestor. And I heard them loud and clear. I also sang on my walk and just enjoyed being part of this magikal planet on this beautiful day. There are days I feel part of this world and there are days I feel out of this world. ‘Tis life innit? Sometimes when I am overcome by a lot to do or nothing to do, I ask myself what do I want? And there’s a time when that was a complex answer that would overwhelm me. Nowadays, the answer is nothing. I have everything I want. Honestly, I have all my needs met. I feel zen. I am not worried about my hierarchy of needs. Honestly, I feel like this blog/ the Gøod projxct is self-actualization. If I am in the present, the here and now, then I have everything I need and want. If I think ahead, wahala. If I think backwards, grief and sadness. So here is another reminder that I just need to be where my feet are. And that is enough. I am thriving where my feet are. Don’t you just Love that for me? I Love it for me. I am a sacred chubby baby girl living her best life in a complex volatile delusional world and that is OKAY. Hahahah this made me laugh out loud truly. I know I am not the delusional one. It’s the ones committing war crimes, choking on capitalism and colonialisms dick that are delusional. I am quite sane in the membrane. Like, I can see what is happening for what it is and where it came from. Hello Nettyboy, Biden, Bezos, Gates, Musk… you Gøod? No you ain’t. Niggas is DELUSIONAL. And tryna take us all out while they at it. I Love the Universe and I Love Karma. They cannot end the world even if they tried. And Gøod old Karma is coming for their future generations. In my tribe we have a belief in karma for four generations. So all this generational wealth them hoes is acquiring through violence will EAT their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren alive. Oooohh and we will Love to see it. As in, I hope in the afterlife I have a screen or an app where I can check on what's happening on Earth because LAWD, that tea will be spicy and hot. Lmao google tried to make me change dick and hoes? Ummm NO. All of them fuckin’ up Earth and the vibes on this planet are hoes and dicks mmkkaay. Period. Bila Shame. Musk, you is a hoe ass dick. Free Congo!!!! Anyway, at the end of the day everyone is doing the best they can with what they know. Which tells me that all them hoe ass dicks are sick, unwell, in the spiritual trenches. But money makes them look Gøod and makes them believe that they are Gøod. Like true delusion. They are sick dawg. Anyway, This month is basically over. I may or may not write tomorrow. So yeah…Happy June Loves. Don’t be a hoe ass dick. Okay. Be Gøod. Do Gøod. Believe in Gøod. Honor Gøod. Feel Gøod. Because Life is Gøod. God is Gøod. Earth is Gøod. The Universe is Gøod. You are Gøod. I am Gøod. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase.

[howtowearblackinthesummer]

See THIS is why I needed my tumblr back.

I know a therapist is what I really need but this app is free 😭

I have been doing REALLY BAD for an extended period of time now. I have a panic attack almost every morning that comes with nausea. I’ll smoke to stop the nausea but it doesn’t help the lack of motivation to leave my bed. When I finally do get dressed to go to work I’m already 2 shots in before I get there and I drink sporadically throughout the day. I’m fucking a married man that I work with, planning on fucking a different guy that I work with out of sheer curiosity, and bcuz of a few bitter women I am now the resident slut in my workplace. My clients and admin love me so my job isn’t in jeopardy but I’m not well liked amongst colleagues. My days are so energetically taxing that by the time I get home I’m EXHAUSTED. I don’t wanna talk, tidy up, I don’t even have the energy to roll the blunt that I believe would make me feel better (or at least numb). I either cry most of the way home or just ride here in silence. I have no motivation or energy to even draw or play video games. I feel physically attractive but I don’t think I like who I am anymore. I’m just always fuckin tired or sad.

I thought I was doing well to build my credit and become a homeowner, but now even my dad has given up and suggests I move out of my house and into an apartment instead. I hate being a disappointment and lately that’s all I see when I look in the mirror. I never finished college. I didn’t even go to school for art or teaching so I constantly feel like an imposter, and even though I’ve been given a raise and a promotion I don’t think I’m actually taken seriously.

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hurt so bad internally that I impulsively got tattoos that didn’t even hurt. Last time I got like this I cut myself to see if I could even still feel things bcuz I felt so numb and apathetic.

THEN I don’t have anyone I can talk to about all this. My friends have their own lives. And honestly I think they’re my friends, but I don’t think I’m theirs fr. Not from their perspectives.

I just feel so rejected and unwanted. Like if it weren’t for the kids at my job (and of course my mom) I don’t think I’d actually be missed ? Like it’d be a passing memory of “oh I wonder what happened to Taylor” with no further follow up.

I also feel unworthy of even being able to vent about my sadness. I didn’t grow up in an impoverished or abusive home. I haven’t experienced the death of someone close to me. I have chosen to end the lives of beings growing inside me and I carry that guilt TREMENDOUSLY.

Like I really and truly don’t want to be here, but who am I to take away the life that my mother prayed for. A life she kept and wept for. She wouldn’t understand why I couldn’t just hold on until she left first. Parents aren’t supposed to bury their children. But FUCK

I want my mania back 😭😭 where is that delusional hyperactive bitch when you need her.

Thank you tumblr for being a void I can scream into that sometimes echoes louder than the void inside of me. Maybe one day I’ll feel full again.

[lostinbirbilling]

I swore to myself that I will not journal multiple times or as frequently as I did the past few months. Although therapeutic, journaling has solidified some memories for me that I shouod be forgetting and they push me further into the loop of overthinking. Moreover, I've journaled as if I was venting out my anger in the past few months. So now, I'm trying to redeem.

But I cant stop myself from journaling one time on tumblr. Cause it's been so long.

Firstly, I've moved on from my first crush. (Or atleast, I'm beginning to move on from him)

This is a milestone in itself because I realised that I do not want to be a secret admirer for someone I talk to very frequently that too,in a filter-free manner.

Although pretty late to join the other end of the sea called "first crushes and hormonal rushes", I've realised that it's either -

You stay a secret admirer while keeping your interactions minimal

Or

You let them know how you feel a little early in the relationship

So that you don't let the guilt of becoming a delusional take over whatever friendship you've really established enroute that's actually needed for the 2 of you but, you're too guilty when he needs you as a friend.

Learnt the lesson a really tough way, but we both have our lives moving in different paces in our unis so "it is what it is"

(I really wish we could hang out sometime soon. But I swore to not get ahead anytime soon, so)

Secondly, I began coloring in the penup app of my new tab and doodling a little albeit rarely. This got me into training my mind into being a little patient. Maybe right now I'm patient by 4% more than I was before on an average

Thirdly, I'm chronically having headaches.

It could be me stressing out or overthinking subtle things when I let my emotions and silliness take over the rationale. Also because although im not entirely a people pleaser, i have a hard time saying no and even taking it (should seriously work on better communication)

Or inadequate sleep mostly due to my inefficiency in planning things for the day or night if I'm being specific.

I should be sleeping now so I get sufficient rest for tomorrow, but I'm typing away anyways :p

Or me studying under stress! Panicking. Worrying about my future.

Or missing home and worrying about family

Or under-hydration

Or micro nutrition deficiency cause I get fatigued after I'm out in the sun, pretty easily.

So to sum everything up, my health is getting fucked up. Mental health and physical one too.

Hence the pms and pcos.

Fourthly, I read a lot than I studied in the past few months.

Be it solo leveling to begin with.

Or subtle art of not giving a fuck.

Then recently I've read It ends with us and It starts with us.

While rn I'm binging on Omniscient reader and Eaternal Nocturnal.

Even anime wise

I've watched too many it seems

Kaguya Sama

Suzume (in theatres ✨️)

Your name (rewatch, in theatres 💫, and re-rewatch in my new tab)

Your lie in april

Garden of words

Horimiya (S1)

Demon slayer (rehabilitation arc and mugen train)

I've watched many movies too

Jailer (in theatres)

Happy days

Anand

Gharshana

Good night

(Okay not too many but yeah more than my average in the recent times)

Now it makes sense why I get all panicky before exams. I almost never touched my books because I know, I know how the next 3 and the next 3 years of my life are gonna be like, academically

Lastly, yoongi's lines from magic shop are making so much sense to me right now that I want to turn back time and just live happily with my family but this time around - Imma take care of my parents more and show my brother I love him more and not think about growing up or idolize growing up. Cause adulting is so damn not easy! And I'm not even 21 yet (will be in a few months though)

It's tiring

Taxing

Exhausting

Exasperating

You can't even blame your parents anymore (that feels morally wrong!)

[indigo474]

11423-

I met a man.He seems nice- i'm going to try and not think too much about this. I deserve to be happy and have fun. I fucking deserve to be happy and have fun and that is what i am going to do!

my car , Luigi, decided to act stupid and now i'm driving a rental. A prius-the same car X got for his baby Mama. Newer of course- i would never buy a prius. I HAVE to go into work- I have meetings on Monday. LOL- i NEVER thought I would have meetings to go to- OMG .. Crazy - I still can't believe it- my life-

So anyway, this man seems somewhat self aware. He talked a lot but also asked me questions about myself. I'm a good listener so i understand why people talk a lot when they are around me- he asked me questions about myself - we had a nice time. It felt easy. So YEAH for that. We are meeting tonight- I also like that he came up with a plan and gave me an option of this or that. He may be the jealous type- he mentioned getting off the apps and asked me if im was attracted to my trainer- I'm not. I had to bite my tongue- we were talking about being single and i said i enjoy it- but i would like to find someone-which is the truth- but i do enjoy my life- and i happen to be single- not something a man wants to hear on a date i imagine. I don't like being single because i'm out fucking different men and that would stop if i was in a relationship- i like not having to answer to anyone- i like doing what i want- buying what i want - just doing me. I would love to have one man to have sex with LOL- seriously though. I never had a partner and i don't know how having one could add to my life. I have a lot to learn still- about everything.

I think about HIM every second of every day-still- i tell myself NOT to look at his picture. let it go. I wonder how and why i missed so many opportunities. it is what is is-i have to believe i am where i am suppose to be- doing what i'm suppose to be doing- maybe if i move away from this town- just like me to have that thought- to think i can run away. I wonder if i will always think - your nice but your not him- maybe if i do enough mushrooms i'll be able to erase him from my soul- maybe in another life things will be different- we will be together- i hope he's happy and safe.

I told Marci a small part of my story- more than i really ever shared with anyone but it still equates to a small part. She said i should really think about getting my story out there into the world because she feels it/i could really help someone. I feel the same way but don't know how to go about it. We are going to get together and come up with an action plan. I always had the delusional thought that i was somehow going to change the world- I don't even know what that means really or why i would think it. I'm excited to start thinking about doing something with my story. who knows- maybe i could help someone.

When the announcement went out at work the emails started pouring in- i got a bit emotional reading all the congrats. Was a nice feeling. Its nice to have the weekend off and i think i may start having more free time because of now being on salary and not working all the OT... time to figure out what comes next.

[yoyitos]

i just downloaded the app back again just to write and let any person that is reading this, that the law of assumption is a law, and that our minds YOUR mind is the most powerful thing alive.

okey. so. let me get this straight. i had always had hope in the law of assumption, but the hope in here is useless babe... we need confidence, we need persistence, we don't need the 3 minutes of hype where you read "you already have everything in this moment" and after that still in the state of waiting for something.

KEEP IT SIMPLE! think of what you want, desired face? okey. change your selfconconcept of the person that has the face, and i know that a lot of bloggers say just that, but im telling you, your only job in here is to think from the prespective that you already have it baby. don't stress yourself, everything will change because if it is in your imagination and you accept that it will reflect in the 3d, thats literally everything everything and everything . you don't need to change your thoughts, only your state, you want to get into the void this night? imagine however you want that you are waking up with everything you wanted, it is not a desire, it is the reality. you want proof? go to your imagination. everything is there.

what i manifested and how i did it?

i never liked the list of things that someone manifested because they were like... too simple for me 😭 i wanted big sh1ts, so i said; if they aren't gonna do it, let me do it first. i did it. 🙆🏻‍♀️

changed my COMPLETELY APPEARANCE. i mean, i look exactly but so much hotter like Shin Ryujin the idol from south korea! (love that queen xoxoxo)

changed my complete body. from shoulders to toes. im telling you. i have already 3 days since i manifested it and im still shocked how easy is it. please. don't overthink anything. just accept that your imagination and subconscious is taking care of everything. believe in you.

changed my nationality to chinese (got that many ppl will criticize me but whatever, im still being the hot chinese girl)

changed my age to 19 years old. changed all of my documents. changed all of my past too.

changed my family. changed my life completely.

being the first always, always, always in my university, im studying psychology now. <3

changed my house of course. changed how wealthy i am. im telling you from the top of my heart. you can get free money from millions and millions of places and situations. you just need to accept that you deserve them. because we deserve the best and anything more low than that. get it?

changed my idioms. i grew up in france now so i know perfectly french, i know chinese, korean, english and german.

i know to play piano, bass guitar and violin like if i played them since i was a kid. 🥺

living in seoul korea. having the hot rich popular kind style living in seoul. 😩

making everyone being interested in me, i mean, i just thought for a second that everyone is gonna be interested in me when i will get into the university and guess what. they did.

getting into the void everytime i get to sleep. so if i want something to manifest tomorrow my subconscious is gonna make it for me. 🫂

having s3x with desired person. having him crazy for me. i really love him :( just... so happy i kept persisting. everything is done baby. don't worry.

meeting with desired famous ppl. i mean. just meeting them like a fan. not into that lol

how i did it?

just simply accepting that the law of assumption is a law. if i assume that i have something is it how i say. i don't need to argue with nobody in this 3d. nah. just minding my own business and keeping myself relaxed being "delusional" whatever, i just said, i want this life and after years of knowing the law of attraction (worst era ngl) and now knowing the law of assumption i decided what i wanted. just affirm to youserlf. if i wanted proof i will meditate and see it in my imagination. that's everything. i never ever liked any methods or sht like that. just sleep knowing that when i wake up or everything will be already materialized because i saw it in my imagination or i will get into the void. whatever. i will still get everything however way. you get me?

nothing is said in stone just if you say so. so get up that subconscious of yours and impress it. make it feel like you don't have anything to do anymore. DON'T COMPLICATE ANYTHING. 🥲

tips;

1. there are no tips.

YOU GOT THIS ALREADY! imagination should be a comfortable space. keep your time. don't worry for anyone, everything will work out for you. you need something urgent for tomorrow? is not anymore you needing it urgent, is you being relaxed knowing that if you can feel it in your imagination, everything and everyone will morph to make your imagination a fact, because there's no other option.

you assume that if you have it in your imagination everything will morph to please you, because you deserve anything but the best.

you accept it. even if you doubt. don't feel hope. feel confidence. you can't fail. if you say that you will not get anything, you are manifesting that you will not get it. if you say that no matter what you see everything will be as how you please. that will manifest. nothing is upper or lower. is the same. but you decide, what version will you be?

yoyitos. ★

[cinnamonest]

Yandere Profile -- Eijiro Kirishima

Ahhh I finally finished this one! I love my loud red boy bless him

For @shorkbrian !!

Tws:  Fem reader, yandere, delusional mindsets, kidnapping, manipulation, stalking, mentions of death, normal yandere content, mentions of a high school setting

Tws (below cut): Noncon, throatfucking, pain content

This is also the first time I'm including my new severity scale (which I just made a post about before this one) in a profile!

================

Severity Scale

Intelligence/Perceptiveness: 6 Brutality: 5 Physical capability: 9 Mental/emotional instability: 6 Restrictiveness: 5 Sexual sadism: 6 Stubbornness: 8

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

He's actually not one of the yanderes that stalks from a distance - he's not so nervous that he can't approach you, no, he's comfortable enough to talk to you in person. Being away from you physically is almost painful, he wants to spend as much time with you as possible. He's also one you might catch onto a little bit, because he's just on the border of being a little lacking in self awareness to the point that he doesn't always realize when he's smothering you. Of course, it aligns well enough with his general personality that you won't think too much of it, just that he can be a little overbearing or clingy.

That being said, he does do his fair share of information collecting when you're not together. Boy is a master at data collection - he'll find socials you forgot you had, posts you made years ago, every major information collection site there is, he'll use to find everything he can about you. Your socials, your friends' socials, your relatives' socials. Even if you have one of those apps that lets you see who's stalking you on your social media, he's already planned ahead for that, and uses a variety of burner accounts so you never notice a thing.

Especially in later stages, as his mental stability is slowly worn down, he's prone to the classic yandere persona flip. Can go from his usual very energetic, spirited, happy go lucky sort of demeanor and, in very shocking and unexpected moments, become highly aggressive towards others, or even snap at you with an uncharacteristic coldness. However, he's aware enough to know he's doing it, and quickly backpedals once he does, apologizing and telling you he's just having a really bad day. Only these "bad days" seem to pile up quite a bit as time goes on.

Similarly, he becomes more delusional with time. At first he might actually be fairly receptive towards your friends, even male ones, and while his behaviors and stalking is present, it's not over-the-top just yet. It will take a few months but gradually he finds himself slipping into an increasing pattern -- just one more hour sitting outside your dorm room, just one more text, one more post of yours from five years ago, just one more of this or that and soon it's completely spiraled out of his control.

He's also aware enough at first to realize you might not be too keen on, you know, essentially imprisonment. If it weren't so fucked up, it would almost be funny to watch him - rehearsing the whole speech he will have to give to darling when she wakes up to himself in the mirror, nervously pacing, not making eye contact the whole time he's explaining himself and later finishing off telling you you're here forever with a "so, uh, yeah," and a nervous little laugh. He's a bit panicked himself but will do his best to calm poor darling down, and, as he tells himself, your initial reaction will be bad, but you'll adjust.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

He's surprisingly patient and can bide his time. If you're good, he's one of a few where you may be able to prolong your freedom and evade captivity for a very long time, years even. In order to achieve this, though, you'll have to never question his very much questionable behaviors, listen to him when he says not to talk to anyone else, spending every waking moment with him, that sorta thing. So really, it only works for a very naive darling who is already paranoid of others. For most people, who will, you know, call him out on his bullshit, he'll change his mind about letting you be free pretty quickly.

This is especially true if he feels like he's losing you -- if you just get upset that's one thing, but if he senses you're starting to become wary of him or even avoid him, he'll be pushed to the edge very quickly. He's not the brightest when it comes to his methods, most likely opting for a very simple break-in during your sleep or kidnapping you on the way home sort of deal.

He was something of this "waiting period," a time some types of yanderes have where they try to be normal. These types of yanderes are most likely to start of their relationships as normal and organic and only gradually devolve, or snap, into a higher state of delusion and unhealthy behavior. He's no exception to this, and you may get a few months of a very normal relationship with only small red flags that seem to be gradually increasing. 

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

To escape, only moderate difficulty, actually. To stay escaped? That's a different story.

You see, he's got a slight predator-prey thing going on and will most likely give you a window of opportunity here or there (not a lot, only when he's carefully arranged it out). Early on he has a tracking device implanted in you while you're knocked out, but never tells you about it. He'll let you get a little ways, never so far that there's any risk, and always stays within very close proximity. Watching your worried eyes as you can't shake the feeling of something watching you, knowing you're questioning your own sanity in your state of paranoia. It's really cute, watching you dart your head back and forth into the shadows, every which way except for the actual place he's standing. Will wait until you inevitably run into seclusion, when you take that turn onto a corner with no eyewitnesses, when you duck into a business closed for the night for cover, and he'll have a hand around your mouth before you can even make a noise.

He knows he should be mad, but he gets off to it so much it's hard to be genuinely angry rather than just... Roughly exerting the pent up energy into you. Which in and of itself is something of a punishment.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

It's a mix of "more intelligent than he lets on," and "still kinda on the dull side." In particular, he's not very good at telling when someone is lying. It's honestly a coin toss every time you try, which actually makes it more difficult, really. You'll be just hopeful enough that maybe you can deceive him on this one thing, but there's a 50-50 chance it won't work. Unlike a super intelligent yandere who you automatically know better than to try, you'll keep getting your hopes up and trying with him, which ultimately results in more punishments when it fails.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He's moderate on allowances, but still restrictive on contact. As in, he'll get you the things you want, especially once he's making tons of money as a pro. Lets you have a highly controlled phone, complete with internet, but given a lock to prevent commenting or sending or uploading of any kind (aside from messages to him, of course). He doesn't really care too much about the media you consume or whatnot, but if he decides he doesn't like something specifically -- say, youtube videos on lockpicking -- then he'll probably take it away for a time until he can figure out how to better control it.

He's one to let you roam his place to an extent, once again it's a case-by-case basis of "you have this privilege until you do something to lose it." You can cook and access the kitchen until an incident of you hurting yourself or attacking him. You can watch tv and roam around until you break something intentionally out of spite. That sort of thing -- he deals with the problems when they arise, but is generally fairly lenient on your allowances, so really it's very unwise to take that privilege for granted, since it's a lot more than what a lot of yans would allow.

When you're really really good, he'll definitely let you go out with him. As we'll discuss, he likes to emulate normalcy, and really likes the fun kind of dates - theme parks and movies and the like. It'll be quite a while before you get to this stage though, as he has to feel 100% confident you won't try anything at all. Of course, if you do try anything, the privilege will be lost until you earn it back. However, this will also be entirely undercover on his end, probably wearing masks and sunglasses or the like. He doesn't want people to see you with him and recognize him, like a lot of the mha yans, he fears the potential of someone using you against him.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Once again a "make them up as you go" guy. Listen, he didn't plan much beyond the initial kidnapping you and security, so there's a lot he hasn't thought about. From day one, what's made clear is you're not to leave and that you need to accept the way things are as soon as possible, and you know, be a doll and be sweet for him. As time goes on things get added -- don't look up this or that, don't attack or resist, don't backtalk him, don't give him the cold shoulder, etc etc. Over time it will amount to a lot, actually, you see, he's got a very specific image of how you should behave in his mind. Anything that deviates from that will quickly become a rule. So it's kind of like a puzzle for poor darling, you're not given an exact image of what you're supposed to act like or what you're not allowed to do, you just gradually find out with trial and error and an ever-growing behavioral rule list what is and isn't acceptable

.He can't stand isolation punishments, can't take being away from you for that long. He might try at first, but, almost comically, he cracks very early and brings you back out (just went you thought you were gonna get a break from him). It's primarily, (in our sfw section) a matter of losing privileges. To him, he knows that one of the worst punishments is boredom, so he'll take away your things that occupy you and leave you with nothing, potentially restraining you to a single room, so that you eventually cave and apologize.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

He uses social methods or underhanded, subtle tricks to eliminate people rather than killing them. Frames them for stealing, or some other misdeed to get them expelled, ruins their social reputation, fakes messages to make you hate them, maybe even to make them hate you. that's during the school-age stages of things. Now, an older hero Kirishima, definitely uses his status to get things done the way he wants. Come on, who in their right mind would try to take the girl of a pro hero to begin with? They were asking for it. He has a few similar methods -- ruins their public image, frames them for a crime, or, if they're persistent enough, may very well just use a couple connections to make sure they disappear -- potentially disappear entirely, or perhaps get permanently hospitalized from a bad accident, become the random victim of some villains, etc.

That being said, during the pre-kidnapping stages, he's definitely gonna start fights with other dudes for looking at you the wrong way. Even if it's horrifically embarrassing, he thinks of it as a show of manliness. You'll eventually have to pull him off and calm him down before he pummels the poor victim of choice completely. Over time, this earns him a reputation for being insanely protective, and it makes people start to avoid both him and you, which is all the better in his mind.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

With most things, he's pretty slow to anger, tries to be very patient and understanding. You have to wittle down that patience with repeated and deliberate disobedience to get a snap out of him - which is highly possible, considering poor darling initially is given no bad reaction. You'll think he's a pushover since he doesn't get super mad the first time, or the second or third, so when he finally does snap it's pretty frightening - it's all the irritation bottled up and released at once.

He tries hard to project the image of who he's known to be - a chill, good natured, optimistic guy, which is why he manages to be so patient. He doesn't want that image ruined for you, and he's very very particular about, and worries about, the image of him in your mind. He has a deep need for you to see him as a heroic figure, to look up to him, and to see him as above you, so he doesn't want to ruin that with violence and anger.

It's usually a literal snap of some sort - whatever he's holding gets slammed down on the table, or crushed or snapped in half (say, a glass or pen). His voice gets low, and builds up into a snarl. Definitely one to grab you by the hair. Drags you to wherever he deems a suitable place to take care of your issues.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

He doesn't think about these things too much, and really, he's somewhat in the middle or can even fluctuate. A lot of it depends on you. If you're good and obedient, he treats you like you're an angel, says he doesn't deserve you. Now, if you're not being so good, he might sometimes let the frustrations slip out into some bitterness, likewise muttering that you should be a bit more grateful that someone like him loves you so much.

That being said, he does want you to see him as above you, wants you to look up to him and, simply, he wants you to think he's amazing and heroic! He goes out of his way to repeatedly impress you with displays of strength and the like, and, like a lot of the hero yanderes, will frequently subject you to watching the news of him saving people. He exaggerates his heroics significantly and makes sure you know just how many people he saved, and of course, he makes sure to show you every girl that blows up his phone after finding his number somehow, all the adoring females fans, and so on, in a very blatant attempt to make you jealous -- having all those fans does get his ego going a bit.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

Definitely strongly determined. He wants not only your acceptance, but also to somewhat normalize the relationship. He emulates a lot of normal behaviors like aforementioned dates, but also things like "date night" at home (cuddles on the couch and watching TV, playing games, takeout etc), little good morning texts for you to wake up to when he has to leave early, making food together. It's so tender and sweet that sometimes you could almost forget that you're being trapped against your will. It also, of course, is very beneficial for his imperatives, considering that that sweetness will only help you adjust more quickly.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Probably the previously noted extent to which he strives towards a very butchered resemblance of normalcy. It's like he wants to just be a normal couple... but he doesn't, he can't. I'd say that even he himself kind of struggles with it a bit -- psychologically, he's one of the yanderes that deludes himself because he has to. It doesn't come super naturally, it's that, being forced to recognize how unhealthy and harmful his extreme controlling and possessiveness is, to come to terms with the fact that those urges aren't normal... the guilt would eat him alive if he actually stopped to think about that, if he actually allowed himself to admit that reality to himself. So, he doesn't. He will push that thought away, even though it does exist somewhere deep down, until the day he dies. He couldn't live with himself if he didn't delude himself into believing it's all necessary, and that he's good to you. A lot of his more lenient tendencies stem from this.

It's a conflict between parts of his brain -- a duality of sorts. One part says he wants the normalcy -- he wants dates and love and sex and fun and he wants it all organically, he doesn't want to be a kidnapper, doesn't want to have to do these things. But as much as he wishes he didn't have to, the other part of him does, in fact, say that he has to do these things. Yanderes that have these sorts of internal conflicts due to a strong sense of morality (which he DOES have, really) tend to have a "waiting period," as he does, which I mentioned above -- a time where they try to go about things normally but find themselves unable to.

As a result, I'd say he's one of the yanderes that's actually very likely to start off as an actual boyfriend, rather than a stranger or a friend. He's confident enough to ask you out and charming enough to get a yes, but he just can't control himself over time.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Like some of my other yans I've discussed, he has what you call reactive sexuality. On his own, he's average for a young man, but once he has someone he really has a lot of affection for, that drive goes up significantly in their presence. There's a lot more stimulation, after all, it gets those hormones raging and the urge to fuck goes way up pretty quickly now that there's an availability.

He's moderate-to-heavy on the perversion for what you'd expect from a guy like himself. He's far from pure but he knows exactly how to teeter the line of being just gross enough to make you squirm and blush without being such a horndog that he actually offends you or drives you away. Not that he won't push that line as far as he can, constantly testing your boundaries.

As for touchiness, oof he's VERY touchy. Poor darling. It, like many things, increases with time in the pre-kidnapping stage -- even from the get go he's prone to slinging an arm over your shoulder or leaning on you, but that progresses into gradual soft gropes that you almost feel like you imagined, and extended touches, hands gripping your shoulders, etc. Post-kidnapping, very touchy all the time. Very much a cuddler and likes to grab at everything he can when he does so.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

It's eh, moderate, but ultimately, as in yandere nature, force will be used if necessary. He's so sweet about it at first that it almost doesn't even feel like it. He tells himself you're afraid, and any lashing out is just because of that. Even if you say he's the problem, he thinks that's just because you're embarrassed to admit you're scared. Everything you can come up with, he'll loop back to that rationalization. It helps him get over any potential guilt he'd otherwise have, which he certainly would if he didn't lie to himself.

He's so sweet about the whole thing its nauseating for poor darling. Wiping away any tears on your face, taking a long long time to prepare you up with fingers and touches and words, and telling you it'll be ok, that it only hurts for a second, that he'll make you feel so good, that you'll be happy this happened just as much as he is.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

Oral fixation

This boy just... saying he wants you to blow him is understating it. He wants to throatfuck you -- grab you by the hair and use your face like a toy. In the beginning he'll be gentler, but he fantasizes about reaching a point at which he can really just go at it, train your gag reflex to be virtually non-existent. He likes to cum down your throat, but even more he loves pulling out at the last moment and telling you to hold your mouth open and tongue out, jerking off onto your tongue, getting some on your face, and telling you to swallow.

Roleplay/Lingerie

Specifically, he'll get into anything service related. Maid outfits galore. He loves treating you like a doll, really, dressing you up in whatever newest lewdest thing he can find. Definitely keeps up with the newest outfit trends of the egirl type of sphere -- loves the things like thigh highs, virgin killer sweaters, garters, anything of the sort. Very much into the "cutesy" type of stuff on you, expect lots of pastel colors and soft fluffy things. Also 100% will get a tail plug and animal ears of some kind. And it's not just for looks, he likes you to act out the role, too. He's actually super-blushy about the whole idea at first, but he does like the idea of being called "Master," especially when it's all soft and embarrassed coming out of your own mouth. 

Size difference/strength difference

It ties back into the thing of wanting you to look up to him. He loves loves loves seeing the faces and the little squeals you make for him when he gives you displays of raw strength - and he'll be sure to frequently remind you of exactly how strong he is. Standing-fucking, slinging you over his shoulder when he's dragging you back home, picking you up and throwing you on the bed, grabbing you by the hips and lifting your entire body up and down when you're on top of him and using you as effortlessly as if you were a near-weightless fleshlight.

No matter which size you may be, he loves it whichever way. If you're tiny and short it gives him an automatic power rush, but if you're larger and taller he loves that too - it gives him a massive ego boost that he can pin you down and control your body with such ease, bonus points if you thought he couldn't since you're bigger than he is.

Size kink pt 2

Also a size related thing, but specifically dick. Listen I refuse to believe this man doesn't have a girthy, thick dick. And he loves the things it can do to you -- the way you gasp and shudder, even little whimpers of pain. He feels bad if there's any pain, but he can't help but get off to the squeals just a little bit, the tears in your eyes are just so cute. Definitely loves making a visible bulge on your stomach, and will make sure you see it too, holding your head in place to force you to watch your stomach bulge every time he thrusts in. Bulging your throat is equally hot, as mentioned above. And he loves the way that there's just that slightly visible gape for a few minutes after he pulls out as your body adjusts.

Threeways

Perhaps very rare for a yandere, he's one of a few that isn't 100% opposed to sharing, provided it's with special individuals, namely a certain blonde friend. Not so much in the relationship aspect, but a sexual one, and it's very well-controlled on his end, with him having the ultimate power over the whole situation. There will always be things that only HE can do to you that no one else can, of course, and it's all only with those he trusts to never spill about your existence. Still, he just really really likes seeing you get spitroasted, really. Can you blame him?

And of course, he'll make sure to get reassurance from you that you only love him and don't care about Katsuki at all, and if he ever gets even the slightest feeling that that might not be the case, it's a kink he'll give up easily if it means soothing the potential raging jealousy.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He actually really, really likes the thought of being a dad. It's sort of a pride thing, having a family he can love and support (it's not like you're gonna be allowed to work), showing you off to everyone. And of course, the emotional attachment you'll undoubtedly form, the dependency you'll have on him. 

Getting to watch cum drip out of you and never having to pull out is a nice bonus, too.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Big into overstim. It's perfect because it's a punishment that is both effective, doesn't technically hurt you, and releases all those good chemicals all at the same time. He doesn't initially want to hurt you too bad, but, if you're really bad -- either in terms of the severity of the offense or the number of times you continue to do it -- he can reach a point of anger at which he'll resort to impact-pain-based punishments, too. Ever the sweet one, he actually does research first to make sure he won't go too far and seriously injure you, but once's he's made all the right purchases, I could see him settling on riding crops, he will make you hurt.

And, really, because it all gets him off at the same time -- the strangled little cries and mewls and whimpers are so much hotter than they should  be. He likely blindfolds you the whole time, partially to increase your fear and anticipation, but also so that you don't know he's jerking off to the whole thing.

The aforementioned throatfucking is also an effective and very quick, straight-to-the-point punishment when need be. If he's super mad and doesn't have the self control to take you elsewhere he may very well just dump you on your knees and demand you open your mouth or else you'll be in for a lot more pain. If he's in that kind of borderline-sadist mood he can get cruel with it too -- cumming in your mouth but not letting you swallow, making you hold the gross taste against your tongue for several minutes, or, his favorite guilty pleasure he feels too bad making you do most of the time, slamming your face all the way down and holding his cock all the way down your throat, perfectly still. No matter how hard you try to pull back or beat on his thighs, he has an iron grip and will hold you there until you nearly pass out.

Also, hell, just fucking him can be a punishment if he wants it to be. He can manhandle you with such a brutality and strength that it's genuinely painful. You want to know what it feels like to have a, literally, rock-hard dick ramming into your cervix?

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Very much a thigh boy. Not only are they soft and pillowy, but he loves to bite and suck at the insides of your thighs and leave lots and lots of marks. They're just as much for you as they are for him. He makes sure you always wear shorts or short skirts (or nothing is fine too) to make sure said marks are always within your vision.