#but they've been in comps together since before then

[hwaslayer]

the space between us three (jyh) | seven.

⇢series masterlist | series playlist

⇢summary: while juggling the demands of life, yunho continues to do his best to raise his independent 11 yr old daughter, seora. throughout the years, they've built a strong foundation, an unbreakable bond— one that consists of late night talks and food runs, father/daughter dates, and sideline cheerleading at her basketball games. so when you unexpectedly come into their world, things shift. despite the uncertainty and the fear of stepping outside of their comfort zone, yunho and seora eventually learn how to open their hearts and learn how to rebuild a home where three can thrive together.

⇢pairing: single dad!yunho x f. reader

⇢genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, single dad au | fluff, angst, smut

⇢word count: 7.8k

⇢chapter content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, just hella cute moments between these two 😭, lots of kisses, dancing, alcohol consumption and intoxication, making out lol, good vibes and good company, feelings are deep af so we get a glimpse as to how they're both feeling about the future of their relationship, yunho is hella sweet bro fAWK, we also get a glimpse of seonghwa’s ‘afraid of commitment’ headass

When you get into the office, there's a brand new desktop setup waiting for you, along with a cup of coffee, the shop's new sticker for the week and a tiny bouquet. You slowly set your stuff down and smile to yourself, picking up the post-it on top of the coffee cup.

i had to create a temporary password to set up your account on this comp - it's 'yunhoisthebest01' 😊 feel free to change it when you log in (or not)! have a good day today, pretty.  - yunho

You nibble on your bottom lip, afraid someone will catch you smiling too big at the note. Since your date with Yunho, all your time has been occupied by him in one way or another. It was lunch. Small walks. Breaks to grab snacks together. Quick dinner dates. It was either texting all day in between running errands and other obligations, responding to each other through Instagram stories or even late night calls.

⇢FLASHBACK

yunho: are you awake?

you: sure am!

yunho: oh snap, what? lol catching miss pretty during the late night hours?

you: haha stoppp i'm not tired yet!

yunho: can i call you then?

You quickly finish up your night time routine and throw yourself in bed, getting ready to look presentable even though Yunho isn't physically here.

you: yes ofc!

It doesn't take long before Yunho's ringing your phone, the heat creeping up to your cheeks when you settle in bed and hear his deep voice on the other line.

"Hello?"

"Hey cutie. Did you just get in bed?"

"Just about, yup. What about you?"

"Yeah. Seora and I just wrapped up our show for tonight."

"Cute. Is she asleep already?"

"Seora? God, no. She's actually on the phone with her friends right now, too. They're hehe-haha'ing away as we speak." Yunho listens to his daughter's voice raise on the phone before laughing loudly. He typically doesn't mind but when it gets too late for his liking, that's when he'll get into father mode and knock on her door.

"That's so cute. Love that for the girlies."

"Yeah well, if she keeps it up, I'm gonna have to tell her to get off and sleep."

"Yunho." You giggle. "It's the weekend. I'm sure they won't be on for long. Besides, at least I can keep you occupied in the meantime."

"Yeah?" Yunho chuckles. "How are you gonna keep me occupied, hm?" His voice is low. You can tell he's wearing that smirk he always wears, and you can't help but bite your lip at the image in your head.

"Yapping your head off." He laughs.

"I like that." He adjusts his position on the bed, sheets rustling in the background. "What'd you do today, pretty girl? We didn't get to talk much."

"I know, I'm sorry. I ran some errands and met up with Sian really quickly. Came home, deep cleaned my apartment and changed my sheets. Was apparently exhausted at one point and fell asleep while watching my show. Then, I realized it was dinner! So I whipped something up, rewatched the episodes I missed and now I'm here."

"Busy bee. Sounds productive, though."

"Yeah, been needing to get these done. What about you?"

"She had a game again, but we ended up hanging out with some of her friends and their parents afterward. It was a later game so we weren't up too early."

"Did she win?"

"Mhm. I think they might make the playoffs this year, they've been doing really well."

"That's amazing."

"You should watch her play one day."

"Of course." You chuckle a bit.

"Would you think I'm weird if I said I kinda miss you?"

"No, never. I kinda miss you, too. But, you'll see me at work next week." You smile to yourself as you softly respond.

"I don't wanna see you just at work, though."

"Then, what do you wanna do, Yunho? You know I'm always down to go out."

"Wish I could have you here, is all."

"Yeah, I know the feeling." You mean it. You really do. You know the feeling all too well, but you know the circumstances are different. It's not easy. And it's something you and Yunho will have to confront at some point— should this continue going the way it is.

Cause you like him. A lot. The feelings are mutual.

"I'll make it happen."

"Will you?"

"Mhm." 

"That determined, hm?" You tease.

"I am. You know I don't do this unless I'm serious about you."

"So, are you saying you're serious about me?"

"And if I am?" Yunho chuckles a bit.

"Yunho." You whine playfully.

"You smiling, baby?" His voice is low, husky, and it immediately does things to you.

"I'm hanging up on you."

"No, don't." He laughs. "I don't take it back, though."

"Good, I was hoping you wouldn't." He smiles and bites his lip, his need for you growing at a tremendously fast rate and it is scary. But, he enjoys it. He enjoys you.

"You're cute."

⇢END

"Y/N, shut up." Noeul says as she trails in, her eyes widening at the sight in front of her. "He did not."

"Yeah, he did."

"He's so fucking sweet. You better give him all that ass and more."

"Okay, Noeul. It's so early." You laugh.

"Is he coming tomorrow?"

"I dunno, he said he was gonna try to swing by if he could. Depending on whether or not Seora would sleepover at her bestfriend's house and if his friends wanted to go."

"I hope so. I'd love to see you two in action even though I already get glimpses of it." You let out a content breath.

"We'll see." You sit and look up at her. "Anyway, are we still on to get our nails done after work?"

"Mhm. Sian said she's gonna have to skip because she promised she'd take her niece out while she's sleeping over at her parents' house."

"Yeah, she should spend time with her. It's been a minute since they've had some quality time."

"We have all weekend with you, though."

"Woo!" You cheer, making her laugh.

"Are you seeing Yunho at some point today?"

"Mm, gonna see if he can grab lunch or something."

"So cute." She giggles. "Full day today?"

"Not too bad, but we'll see if anything pressing comes up during the day."

"Yeah, same. Well let me know if you wanna take a quick walk later. Just text me." You nod. "Have a good day. See you later, babe." You wave her off before returning your attention to your phone and pulling up Yunho's text thread.

you: thank you, yunho. 🥰

yunho: course, cutie. you can finally work productively now!

you: love that for me. hahaha

you: free for lunch later?

yunho: always. i'll come get you around 12:15pm or so.

you: okeeee ☺️ 

You start working away on your new desktop, following up on a lot of pending items before answering new emails coming in. You've hopped in a few 30-min meetings throughout the hours, exchanging updates on the wider progress of the new clinical department already on its way in the main hospital, along with the pediatric end. You've got a few new things to check on, along with new groups to work with to make sure things continue moving. But, for the first time in awhile these past weeks, you feel like you can take a breath of fresh air. Most of the complicated, loose ends have been closed off, and the rest is just figuring out little details— where certain furniture is going, how a typical set up would be, what color blinds they'd like in the department.

The more fun, creative tasks.

Yunho is included in one of the meetings and it's crazy how giddy you feel the moment you see him. This doesn't even have anything to do with you and him, but you love the way he carries himself. You love the way he talks, you love the way he presents and answers questions so confidently. His energy is so undefeated and you can't even begin to understand how someone like him has feelings for someone like you.

You just feel lucky, and you aren't even official. Was that too much?

It's something about him, real talk.

When it gets close to lunch, you're checking off things on your list— giving you to a nice moment to sit back and scroll through social media mindlessly. 

"Hey." Yunho's tall figure pops into your cubicle and sits onto the free chair nearby. "I see you're putting this to good use." He points at your split screen on the desktop— one for your calendar on the browser, one for emails.

"Very much so. Thank you for this. I thought I was gonna have to wait a bit longer. I know provisioning is crazy busy right now."

"Not if I'm around." You laugh. 

"Well, thank you. Life saver."

"You're welcome." He leans forward and gives you a quick kiss on the lips, hidden well in your cubicle. "Ready to eat?"

"Yes, I'm hungry." You stand and begin to follow him out. "By the way, you did great during the meeting, Yu."

"You think so? I winged the fuck out of it." You playfully push him while he laughs.

"So, was it bullshit?!"

"I mean, not necessarily! Whatever I said will work, I just haven't tried it in this case in particular."

"Jeong Yunho."

"That's my name." He swings his arm around you and kisses your temple. "Nah, don't sweat. I always find ways to make it work." He turns to you as you both walk out of the elevator. "So.. I was thinking. If you aren't too swamped today, maybe we can get lunch off campus." Which, isn't unusual coming from Yunho. You and him have gone off campus to grab lunch together. But, that also means you get Yunho alone for a bit and you can already feel the butterflies building in your stomach. Not that you didn't enjoy people's company whenever they joined you two for lunch— it just feels nice to have your time with him, too.

"Yeah, I'm down. It's pretty light for a Friday."

"Good." He slips his hand into yours, leading you to his car in the main staff garage. 

"Yunho, are you sure it's okay?"

"Mhm. Our new hires are starting to get more hands-on with Taehyun and Jihoon. They're actually really good about jumping in and taking initiative."

"Oh, nice! That's great to hear they're doing well."

"Yup! Works out perfectly." He swings your door open and lets you get settled in before sliding into the driver's seat. The conversation immediately picks back up to the meeting you both were in today, Yunho asking about your progress and what else you needed to get done now that the foundation was pretty much solidified. The entire time, Yunho has his free hand in yours— pressing sweet kisses to the top in between conversation at the red lights. You feel the heat rise to your cheeks every single time, shying away when he teases you about it in his usual Yunho manner.

The both of you decide on grabbing sushi from a popular, affordable mom & pop shop near the hospitals. Yunho finds a spot and asks for your specifics before walking in to place an order. It takes about 15 minutes before Yunho is walking back to the car with a full container and a smaller one on top in a plastic bag, setting it gently on your lap before he drives over to a nearby walking trail near a lake that you two can eat and relax for a bit at.

"You excited for your birthday?" Yunho asks as you both dig in and begin to eat, watching the geese flock at the lake in front of you. 

"Mm, I dunno. The age is a little too serious for my liking but we'll see."

"Are you trying to say I'm a fossil? Pre-historic?" You laugh loudly and shake your head.

"No, of course not!"

"You're only a year younger than me." Yunho chuckles. "Still young, still thriving, as Seora says."

"She's so cute. I like her thinking."

"Are you really not excited?"

"I am. I just.. I hope you can come. But, like, I know it's hard so no pressure—" You start to stumble over your words and Yunho smiles at you.

"Just know that I'll always try, okay? I'm sure it'll work out, and then we can celebrate you together."

"It'd be fun."

"When's the last time you've gone out like this?" You shrug.

"Awhile. We've definitely gone to bars with coworkers and do the whole happy hour thing, but it's been a long time since I've gone out to the club and celebrated this way."

"Your brother and his friends are coming along?" You nod.

"Yup! And a few more people from work that we're all close to."

"See, it'll be a fun time regardless."

"Yeah. I guess I am excited. I haven't gone out with my brother like this in awhile either."

"When you guys go on vacation, do you explore and do things together or stay put at the hotel?"

"We always explore. Always." You chuckle.

"A fun duo."

"We try to be." 

"What else are you doing for your birthday, pretty girl?"

"Mm. Sian and Noeul are coming over right at midnight." You laugh. "Then, I think they planned a few things. They didn't give me any specifics but they said brunch and a spa date thingy."

"Cute."

"Me and Noeul are getting our nails done after work."

"Sian isn't coming?"

"Her niece is staying at her parents' house for the weekend so she wants to go spend some time with her while she can."

"Ah, I see. Makes sense." Yunho takes a sip of his water. "Seora would've loved to tag along even if she wasn't able to do anything."

"Aw. Well, I can take her along with me one day." Yunho silently nods with a tiny smile etched on the corner of his lips. He'd love that, and he can already see how well you two would get along.

It's just the fact of how long it'll take to get there.

Kinda makes him sad, but Seora deserves everything and he is always gonna put her first. He knows it won't be easy, and he knows she won't put down her walls immediately. In fact, he knows she'll have a hard time with this and she'll have a hard time with you.

He's so conflicted on what to do. He obviously doesn't wanna lose you and let all of this go. It's been ages since he felt this way and for the first time in a long time, he can genuinely and truly say his feelings run deep for you. He feels comfortable and he feels safe, despite the fears still lingering in the back of his mind. He can't let this go.

He knows life is short and he'll probably never come across something like this again.

But, Seora.

Oh, he hopes she'll understand. He swallows the anxiety that's slowly building every time he thinks about it— afraid to ruin your lunch or even your birthday. He'll continue to go with the flow and keep you happy, and he'll face it when the time comes.

Which, is probably soon with how quick he's falling for you.

"Mm, yeah." Is all he manages to respond with, also feeling stuffed from lunch as you both sit back and enjoy the peace while basking in the sun. Yunho has his arm draped against the back of the bench while you scoot closer and remove the trash from in between. The stillness, the quiet, is nice. You like being able to do this with Yunho.

You are comfortable, and you are safe.

You don't have to do much with him and he still manages to make you feel lucky. To make you feel wanted.

"Thank you again for saving my butt with the desktop." He chuckles.

"Yeah, of course."

"When did you even set it up?"

"This morning."

"You made Seora get up early just to fix my computer?"

"She didn't mind. Her bestfriend is always at school early anyway because her parents have pretty strict early shifts."

"Mm." I hum. "Okay, fair enough."

"C'mere." He looks down at you with a smile. His hand comes down to lift your chin up, kissing you on the lips with nothing but a sweet gentleness behind his actions. Yunho has been nothing short of gentle with you— sharing sweet, tiny moments like this. Nothing more, nothing less.

He doesn't expect anything out of it. Doesn't rush or force you, even though the need for him is slowly growing day by day; the more you spend time with him.

But, it's all in the motions. All in time. This pace works for you two.

You smile against his lips, pressing another few repeated kisses on him before you're walking back to the car hand in hand— ready to tackle the rest of the day before you're off for pre-birthday festivities with one of your bestfriends.

Once the clock hit midnight, you heard a knock on your door before footsteps rushed down the front steps of your apartment complex. You peeked through the peephole, only able to catch an unfamiliar car driving off. Your focus quickly strayed when you noticed the huge flower bouquet and balloons on your doorstep. You gasped to yourself, slowly swinging your door open before taking in the sight of it all. You dragged the balloons in gently, making sure none of them popped as you relocated them safely inside of your apartment. You placed the huge bouquet into a vase before grabbing the small card wedged in between two baby pink roses:

happy birthday, beautiful. - yunho

You snapped a photo and sent it to Yunho with a crying emoji, barely able to send a follow up message before your loud ass bestfriends barged through your door with confetti and all sorts of celebratory items in hand.

Now, you were exhausted and waking up close to noon because of all the drinking and late night talks that happened last night. When Noeul and Sian saw the balloons and the flowers, they wouldn't let the conversation about Yunho go even if your eyes were closing more and more by the second. 

"Birthday girl is awake!" Sian says at your kitchen, already preparing coffee.

"Barely." You sit up and dig your head into your hands. "My head kinda hurts."

"Your birthday barely started, there's more where that came from."

"Please. You guys did so much planning for the club tonight, I need to at least make it inside." Noeul laughs next to you.

"You haven't heard from Yunho yet about tonight?"

"No." You sigh. "But either way, we'll enjoy whether or not they come. He's not obligated to show up and he shouldn't force it if he can't."

"You're right. I'm still praying and crossing my fingers, though." Noeul says before getting up. "Come on, get up. We're gonna enjoy this coffee prepared by yours truly—" She turns to Sian for a quick moment. "Before we take you out for a full day of birthday goodness and see your family for brunch!"

"Then, we get back in time to get ready for tonight's festivities!" Sian adds, making you shake your head as Noeul literally drags you out of bed to throw you in the shower.

Meanwhile, Yunho is at some café downtown after dropping off Seora at Chan-mi's house. He's poking at his food while Mingi and Seonghwa argue in front of him, completely unaware of what said argument is even about.

"Aye, tell him he's wrong." Mingi hits him on the chest, pulling Yunho out of his thoughts.

"About what?"

"He wasn't even listening." Seonghwa cuts eyes at Yunho before sliding in his seat even more.

"Sorry, I'm just—"

"Thinking about Y/N? We know."

"No— well, yeah, but no." Yunho sighs and looks at his friends. "What the fuck do I even wear? I haven't gone out like this in so long, I can't even remember."

"You mean, you haven't gone out for someone you really like in so long?"

"Yeah, that."

"Let's head to the mall really quickly after this." Seonghwa adds. "You can still look good for your girl without doing too much."

"You're right for once." Seonghwa kicks Mingi's foot under the table, causing him to groan.

"I'm always right, you fucking prick."

"That's why I'm the favorite uncle. Cause you're always so grumpy. Besides, who the fuck accidentally spills the beans about his date?"

"It just slipped! I wasn't paying attention."

"Yeah, the hell." Yunho laughs. "You're lucky she didn't bring it up again after that." Yunho takes the last bite of his food before he throws in a crumpled napkin and sits back. "Ready to head to the mall? Do you guys have something to wear or are you buying stuff, too?"

"I'm gonna grab some things."

"Same." The three stand and gather their trash before heading out to the mall. Yunho had picked up Seonghwa and Mingi in exchange for Seora's presence, the two planning to stay the night post-club festivities. Mingi decided he'd be the designated driver tonight with Yunho's car, only coming for the vibes and to support his bestfriend. On the other hand, Yoori wasn't too happy to know Seonghwa wouldn't be getting his time tonight, but he had been spending a lot of time with her lately that he felt the need to give himself some space.

Some me time.

And he's not gonna lie, he's pretty excited for it. So is Mingi, so is Yunho.

The three walk around their favorite stores, grabbing a few key pieces they can throw into their closet rotation. Tonight, Yunho's gonna wear something simple, but enough to [hopefully] keep your attention. He's planning on a black button up and slacks, while Mingi is deciding to throw on a white tee and some slacks. Seonghwa bought a new leather jacket to go with his black top and black jeans. They don't spend too much time at the mall— the three quickly satisfied and calling it a day early on so they can chill until tonight.

Yunho just realized he never told you if he was going or not.

But, he also realizes he can take this and run with it. Surprise you, be with you all night.

He's fucking excited.

For him, the day feels excruciatingly long and stretched out, but for you, the day moves too fast for your liking. The first stop is a popular Thai eatery that is booked for months on end for brunch. When you walk in, your parents, Wonwoo and a few other good friends from work are already sitting at a long table near the back, happily greeting you with their birthday wishes when you approach the table. You automatically feel complete seeing the people you love the most all in one place, eating away at all the delicious food your group ordered while sipping on mimosas. The restaurant has a 2-hr limit due to its popularity, so by the time 2-hrs is up, you're full, you're content, you're ready to walk it off. Your parents smother you in kisses before handing you an envelope with some birthday money, waving goodbye as your brother whisks them away and takes them back home. Wonwoo gives you a quick hug before he's reminding you him and his friends will be over at your place to pre-game for tonight, causing you to nod and shoo him away in return.

You were starting to get excited.

But, Noeul and Sian take you to the next stop: a spa. The three of you indulge in a 90-min hot stone massage— something you truly needed from these grueling weeks at work. As you lay on the table while your massage is on the way, your thoughts hover to Yunho and how much you miss him. He hadn't sent many messages today, and you know he's only doing it to let you enjoy your day with the girls. But, you wish he was here. Or, that he's around.

Or, that you'd see him tonight.

You really hope the universe would align on this one with you. 

All in all, post-massage you feel relaxed. Cool, calm and collected. You, Noeul and Sian grab takeout to eat at the ease of your home— excited to sit around and take a little break before your brother and all your other friends, his friends, come over before the club.

The pre-party before the party.

Time really does fly when you're genuinely enjoying yourself. So much that it's hard to grasp just how fast it's been going.

You slip into your black dress and start working on your hair and makeup with Sian and Noeul. Your other friends trickle in one by one, touching up their hair and makeup while blasting music. Sooner or later, there's loud talking and footsteps hurrying up the stairs to your unit— a familiar voice coming through on the opposite side of the door:

"Yo!" Wonwoo yells, pounding on your door. You hurry to the door and let your brother and his friends in, all of them loudly greeting you and your friends as they come in and fill your space. "Let's get this going so we can head out!"

"Line up the shots!" Soonyoung yells. "Birthday girl, I'm connecting my phone to your speakers!" You nod and give him the thumbs up, doing the final touches to your makeup before heading to the kitchen and whipping out the alcohol for the pre-game session. You bounce along to the music while everyone hypes themselves up for the night, checking your phone for any new texts from Yunho.

There hadn't been any since you responded to him earlier in the day, and it makes you feel a little sad.

Maybe he was busy? Maybe he wanted you to be present on your birthday?

You would've really enjoyed with him around.

Guess the universe wasn't aligning for this one.

"Why are you all quiet? Is your man not coming tonight?" Wonwoo's voice pulls you out of your thoughts. Your brother leans back against the counter as you pop open the Don Julio and start pouring the shots quietly. 

"He's not my man." You shrug. "And I don't know. He never said anything after he said he'd try and I don't wanna ask or make him feel guilty about it."

"Not your man, yet." He teases. "He's probably coming. It's all a part of the surprise."

"Don't get my hopes up, Wonu." Your brother pinches your cheek.

"Simp."

"You're annoying." You shove a shot in his face. "Here. Start passing them out." Wonwoo does as he's told like the good brother he is, calling everyone to start gathering around with their shots. Once you've poured enough, Wonwoo leads the whole birthday speech nonsense before you're all taking the shots straight— many faces being made [groans being let out] at the taste and burn of tequila.

One turns to two.

Two turns to four.

Four turns to you're tipsy as hell.

You leave your studio as is when its time to head out the club, squishing in the backseat of Wonwoo's car with Noeul and Sian. Wonwoo's friend, Seokmin, takes the front seat, helping your brother keep the last bit of sanity he has left with his company during the drive over.

"You guys ready?" Wonwoo looks at the rearview mirror, watching as you and the girls drunkly respond and yell in excitement. He looks at Seokmin in the front seat, laughing while he hears the chaos echo from the back to the front. It's late in the evening, so the roads aren't as packed anymore. This makes the drive over to the club only about 25 minutes long down South. 

It's a fuckin' breeze when you're tipsy and having fun with your bestfriends in the backseat of your brother's nice ass car.

When you arrive and reunite with the other half of the group, you walk to the club together and skip through the tremendously long line down the block. You head straight to the VIP table everyone chipped in for, giving you a good corner of the club to claim as your own.

"Let's go!" Seokmin yells, leading the guys over to the bar to start ordering on everyone's behalf. The night is already off to an incredibly strong start with more shots to take— all your friends living life on the edge by chasing with cocktails.

It feels good to let loose. 

You haven't in a long time.

You begin to dance and have fun with the group, almost completely forgetting Yunho's absence until:

"Bitch, excuse me!" Sian rushes over to you after visiting the bar. "He's here! With his friends!" 

"What?" You squint and lean towards Sian's ear, unable to hear her properly.

"Yunho! He's here with his friends!" She points towards the door, finding the three walking in as they search the crowd for you and the group. 

"See! I knew he wouldn't miss out!" Noeul adds. You smile, waving Yunho over when he finally locks eyes with you in the sea of people, the excitement running through your veins.

He's here.

"You made it!" You say to him as he comes face to face. He chuckles and pulls you into a nice, big hug— his cologne filling your senses when he holds you tight. 

"Course I did. You think I'd miss this?"

"Well, I dunno. Seora?"

"She would never miss an opportunity to sleep over at her bestfriend's house." You look at him, his hands still around your waist. "I wouldn't miss an opportunity to be with you, either."

"Stop." He shakes his head while he watches you shy away.

"Happy birthday, baby." He says in your ear before placing a tender kiss on your forehead. Seonghwa greets you next, pulling you into a hug before greeting your friends. Mingi comes after, also pulling you into a hug even though you hadn't formally met until tonight.

"So, we finally meet!" He says while laughing.

"I know, it's so good to see you! I'm glad you guys made it out!"

"Of course, why not? Plus, we're celebrating you. It's a good reason to be out and having fun." You smile at him before pulling them over to the group sitting at a nearby table. Yunho and your brother have already greeted each other, and now, he's making his rounds for meet and greets with everyone else. 

"Take a shot with us?" Yunho comes back to you after he's done mingling and saying his hello's. "On me." You nod. He takes your hand as Seonghwa and Mingi lead the way to the bar, Yunho guiding you from behind as he tightly laces his fingers with yours. Seonghwa orders more shots, asking you what your preference is.

"I'm only gonna taking this one for you though because I'm driving."

"More than enough for me." You smile at Mingi, grabbing your glass while the other three wait for theirs. The moment their hands are full, you clink your glass against theirs, cheering loudly before you take the shot down the neck— the tequila burning the column of your throat as it travels down. "I don't know how much more I have left in me." You wince at the taste, making Yunho chuckle.

"I just got here. We've gotta keep going." He squeezes your hand.

"By the way, glad your bouquet and balloons made it inside safely." Seonghwa smiles.

"Wait, you dropped it off for him?"

"Sure did! I was on my way home, anyway."

"Thank you." You look at the both of them before the bartender slides down three more shots for you, Seonghwa and Yunho, claiming it was on the house for your birthday.

Once you've taken the shot and sipped on a cocktail to wash away the after taste, you've gotten yourself to a really good level with the alcohol and you don't think you wanna push yourself any further. The DJ starts hitting a good point of his set— you and your group bouncing and dancing along to the music. The entire time, though, you find yourself clinging to Yunho the more you feel the alcohol seeping in.

The more the world spins.

And he enjoys that.

"You okay?" He asks, his arm coming around you.

"Yeah. I'm just happy you're here." He smiles.

"I am, too." He kisses your forehead again. It all starts off cute— with Yunho grabbing you by the hand so you could both sing or rap along to the songs with each other. From time to time, he switches it up; hugging you from behind and swaying along to the beat. Other times, he's got you pressed up against him; hands gently digging into your hips as you work your ass on him. At one point, he's found himself backed up against the wall, watching intently as you dance on him. He's guiding your movements to the beat, keeping up as you continue. Every time you press your back against him, he leaves a kiss on your neck, hands threatening to roam up your chest and give it a good squeeze.

But, he has to remind himself that he's in public.

That this is all the alcohol getting to him and making him act on his thoughts.

That he's gotta do right by you. 

Just.. fuck. It doesn't make it any easier when he gets front row seats to a perfect view of your outfit and everything else about you. He can't help but continue to eye the way your tight, black one-shoulder longsleeve dress falls right below the curve of your ass and the way those strappy heels wrap around your ankles. Yunho keeps thinking about how sexy you look right now, and how much of a goddamn goddess you are.

The way you work him so well.

Your perfume.

Your pretty nail polish.

The way your energy is a match-made in heaven with his.

It's such a turn on.

Especially when the song finishes and you giggle, throwing your arms around his neck lazily while you plant repeated kisses to his lips. One second, he's enjoying the cute intimacy. You've managed to stray a bit from the group, making Yunho feel like he can finally focus on you and you only. His hands are still placed on your hips while you tease away— pecking him sweetly.

The next second, your lips are crashing onto his in a more intense, heated manner; arms still wrapped around his neck while his large hands are now resting on the small of your back to keep you close. He might be drunk, and you might be drunk— the surroundings might not mean shit and this might not make sense at the moment, but what you do know is that it feels like pure bliss to be kissing Yunho. To have him like this.

And he feels the same.

Which is why his hands pull you flush against his body, deepening the moment with every second that passes. His tongue lines your lower lip as a way of asking for permission, smirking into kiss when you push forward and kiss him more eagerly. 

With hunger, an edge with desire.

Right now, you two probably look like a bunch of high schoolers just making out at a party cause it's the thing to do. But to you, to Yunho, the outside world and the extra noise doesn't fucking matter.

It's just you and him.

"You're so fucking pretty." He breaks the kiss briefly to say in your ear. "Prettiest birthday girl I've ever seen." He plants hot, open-mouthed kisses below your ear and right down your neck.

"Yunho." The way you softly moan his name is driving him crazy, he can't help but lower his lips down to your neck— leaving a trail of kisses and soft nips against your skin.

"Wish I could take you back with me tonight."

"You could." You bite your lip when you meet his eyes. He cups your cheek and rubs the surface.

"Gotta do this right, love." He places a kiss to your cheek before slipping his hand back in yours. "Wanna head back to the group? We kinda moved pretty far." You laugh and nod.

"Yeah. It was nice to have the alone time, though."

"No lie about that." He follows behind as you lead the way through the crowd, getting back to your brother and all your friends. Your brother and his rowdy ass friends are all loudly singing along, a couple of new faces joining your group to dance along with them. Yunho plops onto the free space next to Mingi on the couch, while Wonwoo comes around to hand you another drink.

"Drink up, sis. The night is young and so are you." You laugh, taking the glass from his hand. "I see you're enjoying yourself." Wonwoo's cheeks are flushed red and he's smirking, throwing an arm around you to speak clearly in your ear. "Just make sure he takes good care of you, okay?"

"Yeah." You nod. "Just feels kinda complicated."

"Why?"

"Seora. Mom." Is all you say. Because yeah, you don't know how Seora or your mom would feel and you'd hate to make them upset. Wonwoo shakes his head and leans forward again.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure it'll all work out. It'll all play out the way it should." He looks at you. "Let's not worry about that right now, hm? It's your birthday. Keep enjoying yourself." You laugh.

"Thanks, Wonu." Your brother ruffles your hair and begins to dance, causing everyone around you to join in and hype you up. While you're busy with the girls, Wonwoo plops next to Yunho in the free space, sipping on some water while people-watching.

"Thanks for making it out tonight. You made her really happy." He says, turning to Yunho with a smirk. "She was all sad and quiet because she hadn't heard from you today." Yunho laughs.

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Please take care of her and be good to her, alright? Just doing my brotherly duties."

"Course. You have my word." Wonwoo nods before giving his shoulder a squeeze and standing to join his friends again. It isn't long before you find yourself getting tired from all the dancing— plopping onto Yunho's lap when he signals for you to do so. He has his arms wrapped around you while the both of you begin to laugh and flirt around with each other, Mingi and Sian in deep, drunk conversation next to you.

"Where's Noeul?" You gently nudge Sian.

"Girl, I haven't seen her in a minute. Probably out at sea trying to find a man for the night." Sian laughs before returning her attention to Mingi, and now, one of Wonwoo's other friends who has joined the conversation. You continue to look out at the crowd, hoping you can spot Noeul just to make sure she's okay. And, it only takes you about a few seconds before you find a familiar figure.

But, you were not prepared to see her up on Seonghwa like that. Director Yoori's Seonghwa.

"Oh shit." You say, causing Yunho to furrow his brows at you. He squeezes your thigh, making you shift your attention back to him momentarily. 

"What's wrong?"

"Noeul." You nod towards her and Seonghwa. Initially, she was dancing on him and it looked pretty harmless. All for fun. Until her hand starts to snake up to his neck while he holds her close. She's dancing against him, their hips moving in synchronized movements; in harmony. 

"Oh." Yunho says. "Oh shit." He repeats after you when Noeul walks away, but Seonghwa is quick to pull her back in his arms. This time, she's facing him. He's talking in her ear and she's giggling. Then, she's making the first move and kissing him.

He takes it.

"Uh." Mingi leans forward to catch Yunho's eyes and all they can do is laugh it off, shake their heads. But, yeah. Seonghwa's fucked.

"Okay, atta girl!" Sian yells, cheering them on. Sian is obviously more carefree, goes with the flow. Doesn't think much about any repercussions. Doesn't really care much for them overall. She is good at hyping you up, at being a wing woman, at helping you remember who the fuck you are; but, she could also mean trouble.

There is no grey area, it is either black and white with her.

"Are Seonghwa and Yoori official?" You ask Yunho and he shakes his head.

"No."

"Mm." You hum.

"See, then it's a free for all! It's all for the fun of it!" You all shift your attention back to the two, still handsy with each other. Still playfully locking lips before Noeul pulls back and leads him to the group. She avoids eye contact even though she's subtly nibbling on her lip and blushing, Seonghwa instantly pulling her down on his lap.

Yeah, this was gonna be some shit later on.

But, you guess you can worry about that later. It was still your birthday, and quite frankly, all the fucks you could give were temporarily out the window for the day.

The awkward tension settles and everyone is back to minding their own business and having fun. The bottle girls come over to greet you one more 'happy birthday' with the group, giving you energy to party it out for the last two hours of the night. When everything comes to an end, your feet are hurting, your calves are on fire, and you're reaching the sleepy level of drunk.

But, your heart is full and you're ending your birthday happily having spent it with your loved ones. With Yunho. 

"Aye, Y/N! Noeul, Sian! Rally up, ladies!" Your brother says, calling for you and your friends while him and Seokmin stand near the front of the club. Yunho, Seonghwa and Mingi guide you through the crowd, the rest of your friends and Wonwoo's friends already out the door and off to satisfy their drunchies while waving their goodbyes. "Y/N, Sian, Noeul! Roll call!"

"I'm here! Stop yelling!" You yell at Wonwoo, making him and Seokmin laugh while they wait off to the side. "Sure I can't go home with you?" You drunkly pout up at Yunho and he laughs.

"Soon, baby. Plus, you've got the girls and I got them." He quickly looks at the two behind him before turning back to you. "Hope you had fun."

"I did. Thank you guys for coming." You tippy-toe and kiss him on the lips. He continues with repeated soft, sweet kisses to your lips before your brother does another roll-call:

"Yo, for real? In front of me? Come on, now." Yunho laughs a bit and apologizes before kissing you one last time and letting your hand slip from his. Yeah, he hates having to leave you.

"All up in my business for what?!" You playfully push your brother as the five of you make your way to the car. Once everyone is settled, your brother offers to drive to the nearest McDonalds to cure your drunchies. When Wonwoo drops you and the girls off at home, you make an immediate bee-line to the bathroom and take a quick shower before throwing on your pajamas and getting the living room area ready for Noeul and Sian. As soon as everyone is done showering and finally relaxing, the three of you relive the night— making sure to press on Noeul about Seonghwa. She's clearly still drunk and out of it, brushing it off as if it were something that just happened in passing.

But, you know your bestfriend.

You know she'll wake up tomorrow, she'll remember all of this, and she'll already be attached to him. 

So, you let her be. You let her live in this moment, you let her take it. But, when the time comes, just like yours will, you'll be there to help her face it. Figure it out together with Sian. You just hope it doesn't backfire terribly on her. At work. 

And Yunho is thinking the same when he reads into the situation a bit, too. 

They get home, and he quickly peeks over at your parents' home to make sure all looks well. The three of them step in and take their showers to get comfortable and ready for bed. When it's time for them to relax and do their own debriefing, Yunho stands in the kitchen chugging water while Seonghwa and Mingi are getting their blankets onto the couch and the air mattress.

"You and Y/N are cute." Mingi says with a smile. "Like for real. It's nice to see you happy."

"I am happy. She makes me happy."

"Sounds like it's time to make it official."

"Mm." Yunho hums. "Yeah, maybe. I just—" Yunho sighs. "I don't come alone. I come with a package deal. I don't know how she'd feel, and most importantly, I don't know how Seora would take it."

"Ace will be fine. I'm sure it'll be an adjustment, but she'll eventually learn to open her heart to it, too. She wants you to be happy."

"I know. But, it won't be that easy. It can never be that easy." Yunho almost says defeatedly. "Anyway, sorry. I don't really wanna think about it right now. What was up with that?" Him and Mingi look at Seonghwa, causing him to raise a brow.

"Uh, yeah." Mingi laughs and looks at Seonghwa. "What was all that about? With Noeul?"

"I don't know how you're gonna explain this and get out of it." Yunho adds with a tiny chuckle.

"Yeah, I kinda fucked up." Seonghwa rubs his face. "Fuck. Whatever."

"Iono my guy, you looked like you enjoyed it."

"I mean, yeah. I'm not gonna lie about that."

"Time to get your priorities straight." Yunho snorts, taking another big sip of his water to avoid a hangover potentially creeping in tomorrow. "Can't just whatever your way out of this." Seonghwa looks at his phone to the unread texts from Yoori and he feels his heart sink. He's just not sure why, though.

What was the exact reason?

Did his heart sink because he felt bad and he knew he fucked up, or did his heart sink because he felt guilty and knew he was guilty for enjoying it?

"Have you been plotting on her since we walked into the club?"

"I mean, I see her around work, too. She's always been cute."

"Seonghwa." Yunho says with a small chuckle. "You can't keep doing this back and forth with Yoori."

"You're gonna have to decide cause even though you don't have a strict title to whatever you and Yoori have going on, it's clearly pretty deep. You've been spending a lot of time with her, sleeping over. Taking her out on dates."

"I didn't ask to be lectured, okay. I know." Seonghwa scoffs a bit before plopping into the couch and getting comfortable. "Tonight was just for fun."

"What if Noeul didn't feel that way?"

"Well." Is all he says before shutting his eyes.

"This guy." Yunho laughs. "Anyway, goodnight. Thanks for coming along tonight."

"Gonna go text your girl?"

"Yup! The one and only." Yunho teases before heading to his room and shutting the door. The mattress feels divine against his body, sheets keeping him warm and comfortable when he tucks it tightly around his body. He decides to shoot you a quick text, hoping you're resting after a successful and productive birthday.

yunho: you safe and comfortable at home?

you: i am. you? ☺️

yunho: yeah. just wish you were here. maybe i should've whisked you away.

you: yeah. ☹️ 

you: but i'm glad you came & we made the most out of it. thank you, yunho. ❤️

yunho: you're welcome, beautiful. sleep tight, okay? i'll try and see you before i pick up seora.

you: okay. goodnight, yu.

Yunho smiles to himself, setting his phone on the charger. Just as he's about to lie down and get some shut eye, his eyes land on the photo of him, Eunha and Seora on the nightstand, his smile slowly turning to a frown. His heart drops a bit when he lets out a sigh, but this time, it feels a little different. It doesn't ache and clench like it used to, it doesn't make him feel incredibly empty.

"She makes me happy. Really happy." He says as if Eunha could hear. Maybe she can, maybe she can't. But, all Yunho knows is that maybe, he's making progress.

Maybe, this was the beginning of healing.

Maybe, he'll be ready to let go sooner than later.

⇢taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @nopension @curse-of-art @thechaotictheoryy @likexaxdaydream @dalsuwaha @enha-stars @yasuraokaa @professormingisglasses @yunyunrin @pommelex @astral-trashcan @laura1399 @domfikeluva @tournesol155 @hwaskookies @yusalterego @hwa-stars @hyukssunflower @chngbnwf @jaytheatiny @lucid-galaxys-world @chaotic-floral @sofkloster @honeyrecommends @hwashua-luv @luvv4bby @spicxbnny @pandyandy71 @sanniesaurus @angel-hyuckie @wolviejex @purpleyou7x

[kays-dream]

𝟎𝟒/𝟎𝟗/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

Sooo I'm currently on spring break and I feel like this is finally a good opportunity to break into a bunch of new good habits! Today I plan on setting some goals for myself and maybe telling you a bit about my day and stuff :)

I'll break this down into a couple sections...

𝙰𝚌𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚌 𝚐𝚘𝚊𝚕𝚜

During quarters 1-3 of the school year I was kind of out of it, I didn't really study or do much. I wasn't up to my own standards and I think that's because I didn't really set clear standards for myself. I feel if I start planning more and setting more goals I can have improved motivation and productivity that I've yet to experience. During this last quarter of the school year I want to actually be active in school and mentally, here's some goals I've set...

bring all my average grades up to at least A's (bio is killing me ;-;)

make quizlets for each class to prepare for finals !!

to start actively participating in class taking notes and finally raising my hand

to actually spend at least one day a week studying (a small start— but an impactful one :3)

𝙰𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚐𝚘𝚊𝚕𝚜

I've never really been an athletic person until now. My whole life I was never forced into sports or anything, I always wanted my mom to do something like that, but she never did, and with that I just grew up kind of lazy. At the age of 11 I picked up gymnastics but then stopped due to the pandemic, I didn't really train or anything so I didn't improve till I started taking classes again, I've been taking classes for around 2 years straight now but only recently I actually started taking gymnastics seriously, I've realized that I could be just as good as the girls I long to be like if I'd only put in the work and effort.

I didn't really realize how much I liked sports up until a couple weeks ago when I impulsively joined my schools track team out of boredom, I'm lowkey one of the worst on the team, but from the bottom you can only move upwards! Now I really want to take my sports seriously, I'm on my gymnastics pre-competitive team and I'm thinking about committing to their bronze team this fall, but I need to actually put in effort now, and I really need to improve at track. Here's my current goals that I'm aiming for...

to start stretching everyday

to run a mile everyday till I can reach a 5 minute mile easily

to get a 15 second 100m dash (guys I'm slow ik...)

to vault 6ft on pole vault

to regain my lost skills on bars (after my last gymnastics comp I keep getting overly anxious before doing legit the easiest skills on bars)

to train my core more

𝙷𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚜

My mental states been pretty messy recently, but I've been contemplating what's factoring into it and I'm come to the conclusion that my habits need to improve, they've been negatively effecting me for too long, now it's time I implement good habits. I always procrastinate, I think but never do, my rooms a mess which ='s my brain being a mess. I need to get myself together by cleaning and starting new good habits, some of these habits include...

working out and stretching everyday (as mentioned before!)

making sure to do my skincare every morning and every night (recently I've finally invested in some new skincare products and this is really a helpful habit both physically and mentally for me)

cleaning my room and keeping it clean

having me time (whether it be reading a book or playing a lil video game by myself, I feel like as an extrovert I literally force myself to be around or on call with people 24/7 and I think I need to start having time to reflect and be just Kay for a minute)

𝚁𝚎𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚢

(my version)

I feel like my whole life I've been terrified of rejection, I've let it get a hold of me. Sometimes I miss out on really good things, since I'm too anxious of the possibility of an unhappy outcome. I think what really made me wanna start rejection therapy is that a week or so ago I applied for this really cool looking job at a creative workshop and got rejected due to my word choice and not diving deep enough into my experiences within the application, it really upset me. I finally put myself out there and I got rejected. Rejection is really scary, I've confessed to like 3 people and gotten rejected 2/3 times... I feel as though I need to prove to myself that rejection isn't that bad, if it's meant to be it'll be, and if it doesn't that is perfectly fine. To combat this fear and disappointment rejection gives me I'm going to put myself out there more. Who knows, maybe good will come out of this too :) I'm gonna start... (these aren't really 100% rejection but I think they'll help me be less scared of the possibility of rejection yk?)

applying for more jobs

signing up for more possible opportunities

entering more contests

trying to talk to more new people (I'm always terrified that they'll tell me to go away or that I'm annoying or something)

Anyways sorry for the yap fest!! I'll be updating on my goals every once in a while sooo stay tuned ig :)

[jade-of-mourning]

heyyy it’s snailon,,,

brain juice isn’t really braining rn but I saw your super cool girl makorra post and just wanted to tell you I giggled to myself about that. fem mako I will always love you… you’re real in my heart… lesbians makorra you are famous to me… I’m literally going insane HA

🐌

hey snailon <3 ngl my week has been genuinely insane so sorry it took a long minute to respond! (i spent roughly 40 hours at percussion in the last seven days in addition to school :P to overshare: i got second place in a marimba solo comp and the highest score from my school!) okay moving on to your ask —

lesbian makorra is kind of my favorite tbh. ik people always justly mock That One Post but also there's something inherently sapphic about them that is absolutely unshakeable in my delusional affections for these two characters. this is the post that has permenantly ingrained itself into my brain and fundamentally changed how i will ever read mako because i like canon mako but i actually like fem mako even more. he just kinda deserves to be a girl yknow,,, oh and also the flavor of Trauma:tm:.

i also really like canon makorra (yes ik they fucked up and i do like korrasami, but i'm a firm believer that they always meant the world to each other no matter how it manifested. s4 makorra could've been so much,,) BUT lesbian makorra is actually kind of like. um. holy.

conceptually, 17 year old brash-unapologetic-wholeheartedly-passionate avatar korra seeing the world for the first time and falling fast in love with some insanely-tall deeply-repressed-stoic firebender girl with insurmountable trauma from fighting tooth and nail to keep herself and her little brother alive since the age of eight,,, that turns the wheels in my brain SO MUCH. mako's an asshole to her, the first person to really treat korra that way, because she doesn't care if she's the avatar or not — she's going to treat people based on how she perceives their own merit because titles have never meant anything on the streets. they argue because they're both self-righteous but they fight together so well like they've known each other for lives before. mako has never had time in her life or space in her heart for more than one other, yet still; slowly and slowly she falls for this bright-determined-brave-incredible girl who loves with all her heart. it's not something she's used to with how her own love has been weathered away by this blasted world, but maybe she could get used to this. ANYWAY makorra could just be so girl for girl.

(side note, mako as a girl is absolutely lesbian as hell but in canon i honestly really like aro mako loll. idk how to express it; they fundamentally should be the same two people, but also the energy is just so different in some inexplicable way. side note on shipping: i like korrasami but i like like makorra and i really like makorrasami because i'm one of those three people who actually likes masami too for just-trust-me-bro reasons haha)

[randomvarious]

1980s Punk Rock Playlist

It's been way too long since I last made any kind of update to this 80s punk playlist, folks, and in order to right that wrong, I added a whole lot of songs to it this week, all of which were once included on a terrific budget double-disc comp from the late 90s called 100% Hardcore Punk that exclusively showcased the raw, snarling, and hellraising UK brands of oi!, anarcho-, street, and UK82 that rose to prominence in the early 80s. Taken together, these oft-overlapping hardcore strains broadly reflected the political angst of a disaffected UK male youth that was being made to deal with prime minister Margaret Thatcher's ascendant Tory government, much like how US punks' chief villain throughout that same decade was Ronald Reagan 👺.

So if you're dreading the return of Trump to power next year like I am, but you also find most anti-Trump content to be its own industrial-grade mix of drain-circling grift and cringe that's ill-equipped to seriously confront and withstand an ever-growing threat of fascism, I think one of the best places to go back to in order to cathartically channel some of that rage is this early 80s stuff right here, because, above all else, it feels palpably genuine, and second, a lot of the topics that these British songs broach are also broadly relevant to the American predicament that we currently find ourselves in today too.

BUT, also understand that early 80s UK hardcore is certainly not for everyone; it is definitely an acquired taste. If you don't like the formula of blisteringly dark, loud, and simple chord progressions, mashing drums, and throaty, scratchy, gravelly, passionately yelling, chest-voiced male vocals, then this stuff ain't for you.

Now, since a lot of these songs follow a similar sonic blueprint, it's not very easy to pick an absolute favorite among them, because they all go pretty equally hard; but one tune in particular that I think you really all should know about is "They've Got It All Wrong" by Anthrax, who are obviously not to be confused with the world-famous thrash metal band by the same name. Anthrax's biggest song ended up being 1983's "Capitalism Is Cannibalism," but a few months before that, they had made their debut with this anarcho-gem that zealously diagnosed a lot of UK punk rock itself as having fallen prey to the machinations of vulturous capitalism, as show promoters were managing to fill their own pockets thanks to this music that was ostensibly supposed to be rebelling against the type of system that bred that kind of exploitation in the first place. "They've Got It All Wrong" was one of Anthrax's most popular songs, but its Spotify play count (which is ironically maximally exploitative, I know) pales in comparison to that of "Capitalism Is Cannibalism," and is only currently sitting at around 29.4K plays.

Abrasive Wheels - "The Army Song" The Partisans - "No U Turns" The Exploited - "Dead Cities" The Partisans - "Police Story" Chaos UK - "Four Minute Warning" Blitz - "Never Surrender" GBH - "Sick Boy" Mayhem - "Psycho" Abrasive Wheels - "Shout It Out" Resistance 77 - "Nuclear Attack" Chaos UK - "No Security" The Fits - "Too Many Rules" One Way System - "Give Us a Future" Special Duties - "Violent Youth" Threats - "Politicians and Ministers" Uproar - "Rebel Youth" One Way System - "No Return" Anthrax - "They've Got It All Wrong" Riot Squad - "Lost Cause" The Varukers - "Die for Your Government" The Exploited - "Rival Leaders" Broken Bones - "Decapitated" Riot Squad - "Society's Fodder" Ultra Violent - "Crime for Revenge" The Varukers - "Led to the Slaughter"

And while Spotify's early 80s UK hardcore library seems to be pretty ample, there are still a few bangers from this 100% Hardcore Punk comp that aren't on there, with one particularly glaring omission being "Psycho Killer" by English Dogs, which I've now just added to the longer YouTube version of this playlist, along with a couple others that can't be found on Spotify too. "Psycho Killer" is neither a Talking Heads cover nor is it political, but it's a timelessly head-rattling and raucously bouncy horror-thrasher that's about a seemingly unstoppable fella who derives immense pleasure from fatally stabbing people at random 🔪😱. Its main riff kinda sounds like something that a band like Rancid could've successfully replicated a decade or so later, and it's currently sitting at 350K plays across a whole bunch of different YouTube uploads, which vastly outnumbers the play count of every song of this band's that is on Spotify right now.

English Dogs - "Psycho Killer" Mau Maus - "Just Another Day" Oi Polloi - "Thugs in Uniform"

And this playlist is also on YouTube Music.

So this pretty big update now brings us up to 47 songs that clock in at 101 minutes on Spotify, but over on YouTube, we're now at 58 songs that clock in at 129 minutes. So if you want another near-half-hour of 80s punk, including that English Dogs jam that's inexplicably missing from Spotify, consider giving the YouTube one a listen 🙏.

And here's a list of all the compilations that I've used to put this playlist together so far:

Burns From the Valley of the Sun (1991, Frontier Records) Motor City's Burnin', Volume 2 (1998, Total Energy) What? Stuff (1990, Iloki Records) 100% Hardcore Punk (1998, Captain Oi!) American Youth Report (1982, Enigma / Invasion Records) Buried Alive: The Best of Smoke 7 Records, Volume 2 (2000, BOMP Records) Buried Alive: The Best From Smoke 7 Records, 1981-1983 (1995, BOMP Records) Battle of the Garages: Part 1 (1994, Voxx Records) VIctory Style III (1998, Victory Records) Take the Subway to Your Suburb (1994, Subway Organisation) Destination Bomp! (1995, BOMP Records) Whole Wide World, Volume 2 (1994, Subway Organisation) Punk-O-Rama, Volume 1 (1995, Epitaph)

And if you want some 80s punk playlists that are shorter, I've got a few that are broken down into specific years too:

1981 Punk Rock: Spotify / YouTube / YouTube Music 1982 Punk Rock: Spotify / YouTube / YouTube Music 1983 Punk Rock: YouTube / YouTube Music

Gonna be routing a bunch of these adds into an update for an 80s hardcore punk playlist too next week as I distill favorites from this 100% Hardcore Punk comp into more specific playlists all throughout December.

Enjoy!

More to come, eventually. Stay tuned!

Like what you hear? Follow me on Spotify and YouTube for more cool playlists and uploads!

[lookatmysillies]

Going off of Rock's comment that this is essentially the modern au where they're all in high school:

Kyo is That One Kid who's super quiet and barely talks to anyone and yet everyone seems to be in love with him. To be fair to them, he hit a major growth spurt in high school and rides a skateboard to school, so let's be real, who wouldn't be a little bit in love with him. He sticks with Castor most of the time, as well as Jae and Evon (@kofeedoggo). He wrestles for the position of captain of the swim team with his rival, Aegaeon (@paradisedisconcert) and both thinks she's annoying and respects her. Most of the time at lunch, he sits and reads or plays games on his phone while Cas talks his ear off. He's pretty nice and easy to like, although when someone pisses him off, he makes it VERY well known.

Castor is popular and is always taking photos at school events for the yearbook with one of the younger club members, Eddy, and Azure (whenever he bothers to show up). He physically cannot sit still in class and would probably get voted class clown in the yearbook based on the sheer amount of absurd things he does. Most people like him, some find him absolutely unbearable. He frequently bothers his little brother Nyx (@rockwgooglyeyes) in the halls. Girls think it's adorable! Nyx decidedly doesn't.

Tallis is extremely shy and standoffish. He doesn't have much of a social life at school; he sticks with the people he knows, mainly Himei and Tov, and doesn't try to expand his circle. He's the friend who has to be given 24 hours' notice before a hangout. He's poked fun at by his friends for how seriously he takes his schoolwork; he frequently pulls all-nighters studying for tests, and during free time at school, he can almost always be found practicing one instrument or another in the band room, most often the harp, violin, cello, flute, or piano. No one actually knows how many instruments he plays. He and Khoi (@bittersweet-adagio) are the best the school band has to offer and can basically waltz into the first chair of whatever instrument they want. He and Stasya (@billwasnot) have been friends since they went to the same preschool and are study buddies.

Himei, like Castor, is very outgoing and pretty popular! She and Dian, nice as they are, are known to be shit talkers, although for the most part they only talk shit about people who really deserve it. She and Dian are best friends and do practically everything together, and Rose sometimes hangs out with them too. Himei is in drama club, mostly for the stage outfits, although she's a good actress, too. She, Tallis, and Tov are all super close; it's hard to tell what the deal with them is. Dian is the person Himei tells everything to, because sometimes, her secrets involve Tallis and Tov. She lives across the street from the Morgensterns (Cas, Nyx, Auri), and her house is basically the second hangout hub for the kids. She has an older brother and a younger sister.

Itsaso is in the same boat as Tallis with shyness; she's new in the high school the OCs go to after moving miles and miles away from her hometown. She was treated poorly in her last school and is nervous around people as a result. She and Nausikaa are basically the cat/golden retriever trope and nerd/jock trope rolled into one. Itsaso knows nothing about sports but goes to all Nausi's games to cheer her on, and Nausi is shit at English Comp but thinks Itsaso's writing is "lit" and reads everything she writes. They're the kind of high school couple that everyone is 99% sure will probably get married in the future. Itsaso is also friends with Naz and Eddy through Nausi. I can see her and Himei becoming friendly through book club, too.

Naz is a bit of a fucking mess, but she tries. She's that one kid who seems like they've never NOT had braces?? They get bad grades and get into fights sometimes. They generally just seem like a jerk until you get to know them, then it turns out they're really sweet, just troubled. She and Nausi seem like the type of friends who maybe tried kissing once just to see if they felt any sort of way about it, then burst out laughing afterwards. Naz is dating Akane and brags frequently about how she's dating a senior.

Eddy doesn't really know how to socialize and can be pretty awkward, but they're a sweet kid. They're very invested in their little brother, Sebastian (@sotogalmo), seem to get good grades easily, and always has a camera on them to take pictures for the yearbook or for their own portfolio. The basketball team has been trying to get it to join for years because of its height. They're a bit of an outsider, lacking many friends, but they like and feel close to Nausi and Itsaso. Maybe Nene too because I feel like it would be hilarious if they were friends in the AU.

Aaaand finally, Yael is just weird. He's just a weird little guy. He kind of scares people. He doesn't have many friends, ALSO gets into fights (mainly with Naz), doesn't seem into sports, socializing, or academics... kind of a difficult one to figure out. They're drawn to Kio, Yume, and Macbeth (@alien-til-i-stage) all for very different reasons.

HI sorry for bothering again but what would your alnst OCs be like in that one Anakt Highschool au

[saucylittlesmile]

anonymous  asked:

I really enjoy the way you write about VM. Please don't stop. At least not for a while yet! As a newish fan, can you tell me more about VM friendship with Max/Tati and Carolina and how it came to be? Are they close-ish amongst fellow skaters? I suppose skaters might tend to socialize with skaters doing other types of skating rather than with direct competitors but I am not sure how often their paths would cross other than shows? Unless you train at the same place.

I remember a few years back, and interview bit that related to VM and Patrick.  IIRC, it was Tessa, talking about how it was nice to get to know Patrick better, as they were touring together, because it was really the only time they got to hang out together outside of ‘work’.  At competitions, skaters are mostly too busy with their own skating to hang out, except for the gala practice and banquet (and probably partying after the comps have finished, LOL).  Someone like Patrick would have also had some extra time because of Skate Canada events or sponsorship events.    

For Max/Tati or Carolina, it would have been even fewer chances to hang out, though elite skating is a small world and most skaters of similar ages would have known each other since they were young.  Obviously, as they began having the opportunities to tour more, their acquaintanceship would have grown, and into something very fond, I think.  But how close everyone really is?  Hard to say... I think that they probably enjoy each other’s company, when in each other’s company, but probably don’t make a point to socialize in person otherwise (social media is another aspect).  

Start things off with a trilogy of Max and Scott, 2004-2019.

[pikaflute]

sam and max 001 :^))

smiling and giggling. this got long because of autism.

when I started shipping it if I did

i think like. legally if you play the telltale games or consume any sam and max media youre required to think they're a old married couple. it's the law. i also thought they were gay when my tumblr mutuals put sam and max gay comps and art on my dash for many years. and shoutout to that one person who put max's penis on my dashboard too.

and special shout out to my friend teddy for getting me into these games we're going to be fighting in gladiatorial combat but like we'll be kissing while we do so.

my thoughts

theyre going to hell. like for real. do you know how much time i've spent thinking about them these past two months. like. i have a 6000+ word fic still brewing, two wips of ideas that i will probably not finish, and two google docs of headcanons for them. and my THREE playlists for them. here they are btw:

general s&m playlist - he let me hit cause i'm goofy as hell

sam playlist - look at my detective dawg, he's doomed by the narrative

max playlist - UNIDENTIFIED THING! BLOW IT UP NOW!!!

i have also spent so much on those sam and max figurines and the max plush. we're all lucky i haven't found keychains or pins yet to make an itabag. joking. maybe. anyway they're very cute and special to me. i love them so much and i love the way they love. im throwing pipe bombs at them

What makes me happy about them

i love the way they love. seriously, i read the comics over the weekend and they were very funny and very cute together. that whole road trip they took together was so adorable. i also love their interactions in hit the road. the lousy golfer bit is the most married they've ever been in my mind.

i just love couples who have been together for so long that their love language is funny banter. there's a part in 303 where sam finds max's brain and they immediately get into an argument because max was too loud. keep in mind sam just went through all the stops and was so broken up about losing max but they still have time to do this. in 304 before max turns into a monster he fucks with sam. it's really funny.

love them so much. sam throwing max out a window is a declaration of love to me.

What makes me sad about them

im under the impression that telltale games still needs to be tried in court for episode 305. like treason. TREASON. anyway post 305, they're together again (yay) but things have to be different right. like this new max does things differently than what our max did and it's making sam question if this is right. like is this really helping him let go of max? also he feels like if he gets close to this max he'll end up losing him again as he did everything he could to save max but it ended up failing at every step of the way.

meanwhile max is bottling everything up inside because he doesn't want to think about it. when he does eventually think about it, he feels awful and feels like he killed sam and is now thinking whether or not if he should stay to not allow sam to feel anymore miserable about losing max. he doesn't want to hurt sam anymore and will sacrifice his own happiness by being with sam to do that.

anyway that fic should be done soon. looking at you autistically

things done in fanfic that annoys me

surprisingly: ive only read like two sam and max fanfics (that were about them specifically, i read my lovely friend teddy's stuff because we're soul bonded) and one of them is my own draft. i think just in general, they should already be married in the fic. like even post 305 they should like get married again. sam and max have been married ever since max got one of those spider rings from sam at age 5.

things I look for in fanfic

i think they should be annoying. and in love. that's it. actually also give sam a hug max, please. please he needs a hug after the shit in season 3.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other

i'm under the impression that they need to be a couple or else. like the world is going to collapse if they don't get hitched 50 times. also i don't think anyone else is right for them besides each other.

but. i have an image for this. do you get it. walk with me.

My happily ever after for them

not living in new york for one. but seriously, i think a lot of people imagine them retiring at some point, but honestly i think they would be freelance police until the end. they just love to do what they do: sam because he loves to be a detective and be with max and max because he loves to be the "long arm of the law" aka shoot people and be with sam. when they do die they're gonna terrorize hell too. you will never separate them ever again.

if they ever retire however, they are living in new jersey for my sake. i hate new york.

who is the big spoon/little spoon

"oh wouldnt sam be the big spoon because hes like 6 feet?" yeah but max is like a cunt. he tries spooning sam and sam lets him because he's a) tired and b) doesn't want to get bit right now. half way through the night sam either rolls onto max or max wants to be cuddled instead and max tries to get sam to change positions and wake up and sam ignores him because he knew this was going to happen because it happens literally every night.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity

throwing rocks at each other. but also i think they really like doing any silly shit together. watching movies together but making fun of them. playing poker and max shooting the cards when he loses (which is often). them playing video games together and max breaking his controller because he lost (also happens often). them goofing off on cases. going to a diner for dinner and annoying everyone there. they just love to spend time together with one another. its so cute.

[sunskate]

The 4 IAM.O teams who are homegrown from Ilderton all started at the Ilderton Skating Club:

Lily Hensen and Nathan Lickers: 21/21 yo. They've been skating together since 2012 - only 3 other teams in all of IAM have been together as long. Ontario is a competitive place to skate, but they've made it to Nationals at each level - 12th in Novice, 6th in Junior, and 9th in Senior this year. They probably would have been sent to a JGP in 2020-21, the year the series unfortunately was cancelled for covid. From their long experience, they skate well in sync and are more comfortable and skilled skating in hold and close together than many teams. Flexibility and extension are areas that aren't strengths, but they said they're doing ballet and yoga classes now, and they've grown in expression and polish since they started working regularly with Scott and now Adrian and Madi. Their level of focus feels ramped up, and their programs this year are strong. This feels like a season when they're aiming to make an impression in Canada (or at least on Skate Canada) and build some momentum.

Maia Iannetta/Liam Carr: they went to a Skate Canada development camp in June but withdrew from the Quebec competition in August and haven't appeared on the lists for any other comps so far, so I'm not sure what's happening with them. Maia was at the rink last week in one of Christina's stories, so she seems to be training. They were 14th at Jr Nationals in 2020, seniored up in 2020-21, and were 12th at Sr Nationals in 2022.

Layla Veillon/Alexander Brandys: 16/17 yo. They are the current 🇨🇦 Novice National Champs and are in their 1st junior season. They've already been skating together at least 7 years. Novice skaters do 2 pattern dances and a FD at every competition. So in Layla and Alex's skating, anything resembling a pattern or skating in hold, they have deep edges and can do well - you can see why they won. Other elements like lifts and spins feel less honed at this point, but they're young and have 2 more seasons in junior after this one. And already had a JGP assignment, so they're doing well and have time to grow and move up.

Jordyn Lewis/Noah McMillan: 18/18 (almost 19) yo. They were skating as Juveniles in 2016, so they've been together at least 6 years. They were 6th at Novice Nats in 2020. This is at least their 2nd junior season, and they have one more after this one before they age up into seniors. They recently received a 2nd JGP assignment, which is a vote of confidence. Their FD this season is really good; they had a tango FD in 2021-22 that had some striking moments and they've carried that music into this year's RD.

These two skate with their blades making long and steady contact with the ice which gives them a beautiful look that's different from the surfacey way many teams skate. They're not the fastest team, but they look like they generate their power in the right way. Judging is all over the place, but the Finnish judge at JGP RIga ranked them #1 in PCS in the entire competition for the RD, and the quality of these fundamentals is probably why. They have some nice lifts. Performance skills are developing- faster styles or the FD which require more variety show a little more where they have room to grow.

The longevity of these teams speaks well of the Ilderton program, and the 3 we've seen who leveled up to IAM.O last season look motivated but not stressed out, which is a credit to their training environment

[charmingbrute]

She's not asking him out on Valentione's Day. Not at all. If she's wearing a tight black dress and heels, it's just a coincidence. It's also fortuitous that she made a reservation to eat at the Last Stand tonight. And, since Hyperion is also here, he should accompany her. Also, she only gets up on her toes to fix his hair and slide a flower into it because it's a mess. "You should accompany me unless you have something better to do. It's been a long day, and I'd appreciate some company." When she spoke with Urianger, she could have invited him to join her. She also could have asked Krile to accompany her when they went to the library earlier… but no, not it's just a coincidence that she wants some company /now/.

It's going to be a long night. As soon as the sun descended, he stood in front of a mirror, tried to straighten himself for the hundredth time today. He decided to wear his best jacket, fashioned just mere days ago, and his hair had never been more neatly combed. He checked his appearance once more, ran his hands over his clothes to ensure there would be no wrinkles. A deep breath was then taken, his skin racing with nerves as he thought about the woman he wanted to ask out on Valentione's Day. It could be the start of something special and he wanted everything to go well. Despite his nervousness, he mustered up the courage to leave his given room in Old Sharlayan to search for her.

He had arrived at the Last Stand and decided to lean against the nearby fence, watching people sip their coffee and appearing occupied in thoughts amidst of it. He had lost count of how many times they've frequented it, and it became a special place in his mind because it's where the Scions of the Seventh Dawn enjoyed a couple of hearty meals. Nervously, he twirled his fingers against an amulet he was given, deep in contemplation. For a long time he had been harboring feelings for her and finally he decided that it wouldn't hurt to invite her to spend time together alone. He didn't know the best way to do it, if he should just be more straightforward and simply ask her, or mayhaps writing her a note would convey his intentions better and slip it under her door. The possibility of rejection was holding him back, but he knew godsdamned well that he had to at least try.

Still, he went back and forth in his mind for what felt like several bells, questioning whether he should go through it or not. He thought for sure his decision had been cemented days ago, but now that the moment has arrived, he's filled with immeasurable doubt. What will happen if she says no? How will it affect things between the both of them? A knot stirred in his stomach, but it's naught that he couldn't endure. He could endure seven hells for her.

His eyes gave the Last Stand one final glance before leaving to go forward with his search. Suddenly, his gaze fell upon a certain Miqo'te and he couldn't believe his luck. Y'shtola's right before him, standing straight and still and already looking at him. It must be fate, he pondered, which brought them together in this time. Fraught with uncertainty, he cleared his throat to grab her attention further. The sight of her was quick to provide him a sense of relief and joy, knowing that he could finally ask her out and not rethink it any further.

And yet, before he could even dare speak, she extended her hand to adjust his hair, making sure every strand is in place. There's a perfect rush of affection towards her when she slid down a flower into his jacket, a small but meaningful gesture, though admittedly it made him feel ashamed that he didn't have enough time to get her some in kind. At the flower he looked down, and then back at her, taking in her appearance. She's wore a black dress which hugged her curves so refined in all the right places, and a pair of heels which made her legs look much longer. If he desired her before, it only grew as he observed more of her, captivated by her wholly, and admired her in all angles.

Company, yes. He didn't need to ask. She already had in mind to spend the day with him. By coincidence or not, he didn't care. It only mattered that she had chosen him, whether just for tonight or the many nights to follow. He decided to lead the way and walk pass her, but not without leaning close until his quickened breath could be felt. He just had to whisper in her ear and pray tell her what he saw.

"Your beauty always leaves me in awe, but tonight, you have surpassed even my wildest imagination. I can only imagine the heads you will turn, and the hearts you will leave fluttering in your wake, mine included."

[imaginarydragonling]

18 and 19 for the weird writing asks

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

With a cry, Shigeru wrests the blade from Kyoutani’s hand, twisting his arm while bringing a knee up into Kyoutani’s unprotected stomach. Kyoutani lets go with a grunt, and Shigeru’s shield clatters to the floor. He grabs Kyoutani by the collar, slams him up against the wall, and points the tip of the sword at Kyoutani’s exposed neck.

The shock in Kyoutani’s eyes fades into acceptance, shutting Shigeru out.

"You did it." Kyoutani’s voice is calm—too calm. He raises his chin to Shigeru, exposing his throat to Shigeru even more. "Do it." Kyoutani’s gaze holds his, unyielding. "Don't hold back. Like we promised."

The sword in his hand trembles and Kyoutani closes his eyes. Shigeru bites his lip and tastes blood. "How can you accept this?" he all but shouts. Kyoutani’s eyes fly open. Shigeru’s fist holding Kyoutani’s collar tightens. "Why aren't you trying to fight back?"

Kyoutani blinks. "You won. Fair and square.” Shigeru hates the next words that come out of Kyoutani’s mouth. “It was always going to end in one of two ways. Those are the rules."

"Since when do you care about rules?" Shigeru hisses.

"I've been fighting alone all my life. Until I met you. I'm glad I met you, Yahaba."

"Fuck you."

Kyoutani's face fills with grief, acceptance, and understanding. Shigeru can’t bear to look at it. He closes his eyes, closes the distance between them, and presses their lips together.

It's a reckless and desperate act. Shigeru fully expects Kyoutani to pull back, to wrench the sword from Shigeru's grip and plunge it into his breast. But even upon pain of death, Shigeru chooses this. Kyoutani will kill him for it, but Shigeru decides that he'd rather die and tell Kyoutani how he really feels than leave these feelings unspoken. It’s a stupid way to tell someone you love them. So prone to misunderstanding and rejection from surprise, suspicion, or plain old shock. At any moment now, Kyoutani is going to recover from the shock. And that will be the end of Shigeru’s life. So be it.

This is from my most recently published fic on Ao3, Champions. The backstory for this moment is largely in the subtext (there's exposition on it just before this passage but I was trying to convey most of the emotional story between Kyoutani and Yahaba in the passage itself).

The fic itself is a KyouHaba enemies-to-lovers story that is based on a Greek legend where each is a champion for a Greek god and they are supposed to fight to the death.

They've had to compete in several challenges before this and Yahaba's feelings have changed and grown over time.

I think the spirit and core of this passage has stayed the same from idea conception to final draft, but getting the thoughts out in paper and into prose I'm happy enough with to post has been more of a struggle than you would expect just from looking at the draft versions 🥲

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

It started with me watching the Haikyuu!! anime and absolutely falling in love with the series. This was back in 2015, I think, and after watching season 1, I wanted more content.

Cue Google which led me to fanfiction.net where I stumbled across an IwaOi fanfic. I found it again on Ao3 (which made it easier/nicer to read), got hooked on fanfiction, and the rest is history :)

Fanfic seemed like something I could do decently well (as opposed to, say, art) to contribute to the fandom so I started writing. I always knew writing itself wasn't as easy as it sounded, so I initially wrote and posted to Ao3 as a way to get feedback and improve my writing.

That didn't go so well because I really just heard crickets and the comments that I did get on my fic were all complimentary as opposed to critical (which is great, but didn't help me that much to grow as a writer).

So to keep learning, I followed writing advice on Tumblr, followed writing advice blogs, and just tried to keep writing. I found that asking a friend directly for feedback was helpful, and I've been fortunate enough to find one or two fandom friends who like me enough to read my stuff and give me feedback on it.

Other than that, I've tried joining writing servers, organising writing exercises to do with a group of writer friends, and participating in exchanges and bangs in an effort to figure out ways to write better/faster/more.

These days, I mostly write for myself. I find it a calming activity and it's satisfying to me just to be able to say I've completed writing a story. I've kind of given up on connecting with fandom. I just want to write and tell the story that I want to tell.

I'm not sure where I'm going with my writing. I have to think of writing as work and I try to write everyday to turn it into a habit. Maybe it will always just stay as a hobby. Right now, it's an accomplishment for me to just be able to finish a couple of long fic stories that I've spent a lot of time thinking about, so that's what I'm focusing on right now.

Thanks for asking!

Weird questions for writers

[backupbackup2]

It has been 2 & a Half Months since my Adoptive Dad passedaway of a Heartattack at 51 yearsold. 6 months before that he picked me up from my failed attempt at independence in Arizona, guilt tripped me into a "Boys Trip" to Vegas, which was an utter dumpster fire. We were in Vegas for one day. He spent the drive there venting in great detail about how Mentally Ill he & everyone as at home is + a Shakespearean monologue on the pharmaceuticals they are all on. He spent the breakfast hours of the next day putting me back in the spot I held as a child: his Therapist & Emotional Punchingbag.

Since 10 yearsold my spoken-unspoken job has been to carry the emotional burdens of my adoptive-dad (directly) & by extension the emotional burdens of both my adoptive parent's families (indirectly). That is too much emotional baggage for a 10, 16, or a 25 yearold to solve alone.

I am self aware enough to know I'm not Perfect. Infact - I'm self aware enough to know that a family should not force the standard of Perfection ("You're the Perfect Child!" "You have to be Perfect!") as soon as he can speak. I realize my wrongs - I am a Drunkard who has spent the better part of the last 5 years stonewalling most of his Adoptives out of his life save the part where I never made an Independent Adult of myself. I spent much of these last leeching handout$ from my a-mom so I can afford rent. My money issues obviously come from how much I spent the last couple years Binge Drinking.

I get it. I am an Ungrateful Child. I am a Bad Son. I am Undeserving of All that has been bestowed on me. But why do I know those things? How? From who? Why are those three sentences my internalization of childhood? That I recognize my wrongs in no way invalidates how perverse a relationship I had with my adoptive-father.

I am simple. I can handle someone going full Scorched Earth about me. I see the Wrongness that I am.

I am all too aware of all the flaws of my Adoptives: Marital Rape, STDs, Business Sabotage, Rampant Adultery & Alcoholism, & so much more. All of this hidden behind the veneer of White Collar White Teeth WASP Americana. It is easier for them to hide their evils behind a False Happy Face then for them to risk healing themselves (meaning: much needed divorces). A 10 year old cannot bare all the pains of his own dad - letalome of his mother, uncles & aunts, & grandparents.

The bitter cherry atop this all is they've zero idea how over-aware I am of their scandals & how overwhelming it is to have to play stupid around them when you're aware of all their dirty laundry. If my Birth-Parents were this rotten you people never would have let me live it down.

"What do you think about this, Son?" "How would you react to this, Son?" "Any thoughts on this, Son?" - I don't care, I don't care, I don't care! It is not my duty to solve your own life traumas, I cannot solve your Marital Issues (Thankyou for letting me know I cause a lot of those BTW), I have no idea how to fix how rotten your own family & your In-Laws are.

I've spent these last two months in a depressive rage. I'm finally piecing together the mosaic that is my childhood. I keep going over these articles on Parentification/Enmeshment & realizing how intimately they mirror my own childhood. I don't want to go to Work, don't want to Eat or Drink, I don't even want to Read. I want to righteously unveil this Rage I hold.

You couldn't mold me into the Perfect Child. You have made it very clear as a teen & a grown up that I am "a POS go-nowhere do-nothing Student who'll become a POS go-nowhere do-nothing Adult". Instead of molding me into Perfection you forced me into Counselorhood. I have very arguably failed at both.

I am grateful you people kept me from a life stuck in Foster Care but I loathe being around you. I can rant endlessly about what wellness you people have worked for, yes. I have done that plenty enough in the appropriate channels. But another Truth needs be faced: most won't face I have genuine complaints against them because they adopted me.

I'll be intown forawhile to see my younger brother's through the grief of this death. None of these people were there when my Birth-Mom passedaway. Thanks for apologizing a decade later for not being there for me but honestly IDK what to do with a decade late apology.

It is not a Child's Job to Fix His Family.

It is not a Child's Job to Fix His Family.

It is not a Child's Job to Fix His Family.

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: I miss you Rio: Guarantee I miss you more Buster: State your case then Rio: 😍😍 Buster: That's a strong introduction, how are you gonna follow it through? Rio: 🤤🤤 Buster: I like the thread of your argument, I can't lie, but I still miss you more Buster: 'Cause a girl was flirting with me in the gym and after telling her all the ways she doesn't compare to you, how incomparable you are was, and is, all I could think about Rio: As much as I probably shouldn't encourage you to be rude to random girls Rio: I love that you do so Buster: She embarrassed herself long before I embarrassed her, reckoning she had a chance Rio: I know what you mean Rio: the stalker has been getting inventive today Buster: Tell me Rio: We're doing this whole project in comp sci about viruses and shit Rio: and they've sent a meant-to-be-creepy spam type email Rio: it's got attachments but Rio: I've not looked yet Buster: Send it to me, I'll open it for you Rio: I know it's unlikely they're that smart Rio: but what if it does have some computer-killing 👾 attached? Buster: Smart enough that we haven't worked out who they are yet Buster: but if it's a virus, I'll buy another laptop Rio: it seems ridiculous Rio: this proves it has to be someone at school now, at least Rio: it's not like I've posted about my fucking homework anywhere Buster: How big's that class? Buster: Can discount my sister and your brother already, like Rio: Don't Rio: you're about the only person I've not thought it could be at my craziest Rio: probably about 30 odd though, standard Buster: Baby, they're the crazy one and I'm not letting them drive you even slightly close to the edge Buster: Who do you know and who don't you, percentage wise? Rio: I thought I knew everyone in this school, this town Rio: you'd think if someone was as creepy as this, anyway, that you'd know, they'd fucking stick out a bit but no Buster: It ain't a film, there's no creepy music playing to give it away Rio: if it was, it'd be dragging Rio: time for the resolve and happy ending Buster: Yeah, I know Buster: You wanna try calling that helpline again? Rio: Maybe Rio: I just wanna talk to you Rio: that's more helpful Buster: It's the least bullshit lead we've had for ages, I'll find a way to narrow it down more somehow Buster: We've got an obsession with you in common, it'll be me who figures it out if any cunt can Rio: Yours is the only one I need Buster: If you need to stay here for a while I'll sort it with my parents, yours, school, whoever Buster: You know that Rio: I know Rio: it's more and more tempting to not leave every time I go Buster: I just want you to be able to take an actual deep fucking breath Buster: Like you said, the amount of time this has been going on is ridiculous Rio: I can forget about it, most of the time Rio: but it's when something new happens, unexpected Buster: I'll kill him when we work out who it is Buster: 'Til then, stay with me Buster: He never does fuck all when you're here Rio: At least that's quick Rio: too nice if anything, babe Rio: always say that about you Buster: It don't have to be quick or nice Buster: Don't underestimate me, babe Rio: 🤤🤤 I rest my case Buster: I love you, that rests mine Buster: I'd do anything for you Rio: I love you so much Rio: I'd definitely be crazy without you, stalker or otherwise Buster: There's a fair chance I'd be stalking you too if things were any different between us Buster: I'd leave better presents though Rio: and I'd know it was you always Buster: 'Course Buster: I'd want you to know Rio: hence there's no world in which we ain't a thing Buster: [has bought her the most expensive and best ever anti virus software and all that jazz so sends her the deets like there you go] Rio: this really has everything Rio: thank you Buster: He ain't gonna be smart enough to get through that, I've been reading reviews since you told me Buster: And I have it too now so you don't have to worry about sending me whatever bullshit he does to you Rio: We can open it together then? Rio: [I think it shouldn't be camgirl moments but something @school to drive that home] Buster: Yeah, on the count of three Rio: [just some creeper shots all throughout the day up until that lesson] Rio: these are today, I'm 99% sure Rio: I swapped my bag Buster: Forget going there tomorrow, I'm booking you a flight here instead Buster: I'll think of a lie to tell my parents if you still don't want anyone else to know the truth Rio: there was always the possibility Rio: but now I know it's someone I really see in person Rio: every day Rio: jesus Buster: I meant what I said, I'm gonna find out who, whatever it takes Buster: I know it feels fucked, but it's good, that it's one of 30 classmates rather than the numbers of lads who watch your streams Rio: it's true Rio: but those lads could be anywhere in the world, not in the same room as me Buster: Which is why you shouldn't be in that room until we know which sick cunt it is Buster: Just give me some time, it's not like I don't have the money to throw at it Rio: I couldn't be there if I had to Rio: I don't even want to be here at home now Buster: How soon can you be at the airport? Rio: not for a while Rio: I mean, tonight, maybe Rio: what should I tell my mam? Buster: Tell her I'm having a breakdown, it wouldn't be the first time Buster: I'll trash the house for realism if it comes to it, like Rio: it'll keep her from being worried Rio: pissed off is fine, I'll deal with that when I can Buster: Exactly Buster: And Ava's at a friend's so I don't have to worry about scaring the shit out of her with my acting Buster: 'Cause it'd be stupid not to feed my parents the same lie Rio: You don't have to go that method Rio: but I wouldn't blame you Rio: I'm trying to keep my freak out internal because I'm looking after the twins and your sister is on her way Buster: I'm glad you're not on your own, even if the company is Nance Rio: I was kinda hoping someone took the homework too seriously and was pranking the whole class Rio: but nah, the email was more specific than I let on to her, of course Rio: even before the pictures Buster: 'Course you were Buster: He'd been quiet for a while Rio: really think he'd get bored at some point Rio: I never react, respond, everything they tell you Buster: Now isn't really the time for me to reiterate how stalkable you are again when I can do better with compliments Rio: the fact you can make me smile even at this time Buster: I can do better than that too, I'll make you forget about it Rio: yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: I need that Rio: my head is all over the place Buster: You've got it, and whatever else you need Rio: I only feel really safe when I'm with you Buster: You are safe with me, but you won't have to leave until you're also safe everywhere else Buster: I'm gonna fix it Rio: yeah Buster: I know I've said it before but this time I swear Buster: He fucked up by giving us a decent clue Rio: it does narrow it down Rio: even if it isn't the class, and it's just the school in general Rio: that's the most we've ever had to go on Buster: Exactly Rio: but what do we do Rio: if we work it out Buster: I told you, I'll kill him Rio: so you're the only one that ends up in prison Buster: I'm not a fucking amateur, babe Rio: mm Rio: 🙄😏 Buster: Hilarious Buster: Nance will be a way more receptive audience though Rio: yeah, really in the mood for this study sesh now Buster: I can easily change hers if you wanna get out of it Rio: nah Rio: I need to keep things normal Rio: only just invited her over, it'd be weird to change my mind Buster: You can blame me for that as well, I don't give a shit Rio: I can't leave yet, like you said, distraction is probably a good thing Buster: Alright, what can I do to make it a more bearable one? Buster: [loads of her fave things getting delivered to this gaff like don't be scared to answer your door, look they are all from me, here's the order confirmations] Rio: I don't deserve you Buster: You don't deserve the bullshit he's putting you through, you've always deserved me Rio: I feel like I should just Rio: stop the streams Rio: I know you aren't meant to change your lifestyle and habits for them but it wouldn't have happened if I weren't doing that shit Rio: I know you aren't meant to change your lifestyle and habits for them but it wouldn't have happened if I weren't doing that shit Buster: Fuck that, we know he's from school Buster: Being able to see you every day pre-dates anything you've done online Buster: He could've known you since primary Rio: I guess Rio: but would he be bothered if there was less out there to stalk Buster: It's not your fault, Rio Buster: It can happen to anyone, you know that Rio: it's happening to me though Buster: Not 'cause of anything you've done Buster: Come on Rio: anyway Rio: I'm gonna enjoy all these treats Buster: Good Rio: how much should I bring? Rio: when I pack Buster: As much as you want, I'll send you money for if your cases are over the weight limit Rio: don't want it to look like I'm running away too hard but Buster: You're overthinking it, you never travel light anywhere, nobody'll notice Rio: I need options Buster: I'm not mad about it and I don't care if my parents are Rio: they're going to be Rio: you'll have to go to school, be 😇 to show I'm totally not a distraction Buster: You are, but I'll still go Buster: All that matters to me is that you feel safe Rio: I will do Rio: and I'll find ways to be useful to them as well as distracting to you Buster: Winning over Ava is basically the same thing as winning them over Buster: You've had loads of practice at that Rio: kids are easy Buster: She's easier than Grace, obviously Rio: wouldn't take much on Ava's part Rio: bless Buster: She'll be distracting at any rate Rio: I can take her to school and shit, free up some time for them Buster: Yeah, and once you've had some time, we can sort out getting your assignments and shit sent over Rio: I won't miss anything important Buster: It'll be fine Buster: I'll make sure it's fine, like Rio: I know you will Buster: You gonna facetime me into this study session or what then? Rio: depends Rio: are you going to be nice? Buster: To you Rio: well you're always nice to me Buster: Are you asking me to help Nance with her homework? Rio: how much do you think she'd appreciate that? Buster: She wouldn't, so of course I'll do it Rio: I can't with you two, honestly Buster: You love me, you don't even want her to come over Rio: I'm not getting in the middle of it Buster: You already are Rio: No I'm not, shh Buster: It's okay, I know you're on my side Rio: I love you more than anyone else in the world Rio: goes without saying Buster: I still really like hearing it Rio: You know you can hear it any time you want Buster: Is she there yet? Rio: nope, you remember how long that drive takes, even in an uber Buster: I'll call you then Rio: 🥰 Buster: [does obvs] Rio: I'll just be here counting down the minutes 'til you can hold me Buster: However long it feels, you'll be staying longer Rio: promise? Buster: I swear Rio: then I'm happy Buster: If you are, I am too Rio: I haven't even asked you how your days been Rio: I'm so rude Buster: Before and after I shot down gym girl there ain't much to report Rio: what did she look like? Buster: Every other girl in this postcode Rio: Blonde and skinny Buster: Yeah Rio: vaguely equine, dresses more like a nan than nan ever would Buster: I'll have to remember all that for the next one Rio: I can tell her myself if you like Buster: If you like Rio: Me? The jealous type? Buster: The jealous type and my type Rio: I better be Rio: only type Buster: You're the only one I've ever wanted or will ever want, you definitely don't need to add that to the list of shit that's worrying you right now Rio: I just like to hear it Buster: I'll tell you again then, I want you so much Rio: even without all this bullshit Rio: it's been too long Rio: I hate every second I'm not with you Buster: I know, me too Buster: I'm not gonna say he's done me a favour, but I am glad you're coming to stay Rio: I'll say it Rio: may as well get something good from it Buster: I'd rather you didn't have to deal with any of this bullshit, obviously Rio: of course Rio: I told you, I've never thought it was you, it's okay Buster: It's not okay that I haven't been able to do fuck all about this though Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Don't Buster: It's not good enough, I know that Buster: I'm gonna do better Rio: Stop it Buster: I mean it, Rio Rio: we've done everything we can Rio: it's not fair on me or you to act like we haven't Buster: I just hate this Rio: I know, baby Buster: You're the best thing that's happened to me, this shouldn't be happening to you Rio: It really could happen to anyone Rio: it's shit Rio: but you make me feel safe, that isn't nothing Buster: I'll calm down before you get here Buster: I swear Rio: you don't have to Rio: you can be mad, I am Rio: but you don't need to blame yourself, even if it's second to him, it's all on him Buster: I am angry but you've got the wrong twin if you reckon I'm willing to make any of this about me Buster: I'm here for you Rio: Trust me, I know Rio: she seems distracted herself recently Buster: Yeah? Rio: I'll try to work it out, not had time yet Rio: she won't say anything if you're on the phone though Buster: I don't have to be, if you wanna do some investigating Rio: I know you wanna know too Buster: I know if you get her started she'll talk about herself until you've gotten all of your own bullshit exists Rio: and you're a little nosy too, you can admit it Rio: I'll get the gossip Buster: She's still my sister Buster: 'Course I wanna know if she's being stalked as well or whatever Rio: You're cute Rio: and I do not think it's that Rio: obviously Buster: You know what I mean Rio: I do Rio: that's why I wanna know too Buster: Okay, tell me when you do Rio: 🧐 Rio: wouldn't suit the hat Buster: You'd suit anything, don't lie Rio: 😊 Rio: I mean if that's your thing I'll do my best Buster: If it was that wouldn't be the first you've heard of it Rio: be mad if it was Rio: you have to tell me exactly what you like so I can be it Buster: You are Buster: And I don't have, or want to have, any secrets from you Rio: secrets are boring Rio: and hard to keep Buster: Neither of us could ever be boring Buster: And I'll do whatever it takes to keep you forever Rio: You've got me Rio: not going anywhere Buster: Only closer to where I am, not further away Buster: Soon as your mum is back and your study session is over Rio: not that I need to do this homework now Rio: just be throwing subtle hints at Nance instead Buster: Be fucking typical her if she's getting bullied there as well Rio: I'd know if she was Rio: only have the two lessons with her but contrary to what the stalker suggests, I know most people well enough that they wouldn't Buster: Well Ava'll probably get a love life before she does, Christ knows what else it could be then Rio: ugh don't Rio: it's coming up with Edie for sure Rio: Jun is like Nancy and Billie isn't bothered thank god Rio: hate it Buster: Who's bothered about Edie then? Buster: Tell me your gossip Rio: It's just like the boys she hangs with are less useless stoner and more keep your eye on them types than Billie's friends Rio: and they aren't just friends types, I don't trust 'em Buster: Maybe I should be getting on a plane instead of you Rio: at least none of them are stupid Rio: especially not Eds Rio: have to hope anyway Buster: I've taught her how to protect herself physically, I reckon she can handle lads trying to get in her head Buster: Like you said Buster: She's no stupid kid Rio: Yeah, she has all the tools and advantages she can be given Rio: 💘 and hormones still make people stupid though Buster: I remember Rio: well yeah, ignoring the fact we'd be used as prime examples in that lecture Buster: Sure we have been, never too early for mum and dad to tell Ava what not to do Rio: As if we'll have started a trend Rio: if it wasn't you it'd be a really bad idea Buster: They should want her to have this, how I feel about you, how happy I am Buster: It's not as if they can actually judge us for who it's with Buster: This family are way past that Rio: You'd think Rio: I'm way past caring Rio: it was so Rio: I wasn't me without you Buster: I feel exactly the same, you know I do Buster: The only thing I've ever done wrong was not be with you, every bad thing I did or that was done to me can be traced back to that Buster: We're free now and this stalker isn't gonna make you feel otherwise any more, I'm not letting it happen for another fucking day Rio: we can get through anything, we've got the rest stacked against us and we're still strong Rio: as long as you love me, then there's nothing anyone can say or do Buster: I really fucking love you Rio: I love you Rio: endlessly Buster: [a flight he's booked her like this is happening no matter what excuse us fam] Rio: 🙏 Rio: I cannot wait Buster: Me either Rio: you can pick me up from the airport, right? Buster: Nothing could stop me Rio: Yay 🥰🥰🥰 Buster: You need me to help you with all that luggage Rio: it will be one suitcase Rio: and a sizeable handbag, thank you 😂 Rio: but I still need you Buster: I'll be early regardless Rio: you're the best Buster: No, I do my best, you don't even have to try Rio: You don't either Rio: but I will for you and I appreciate that you do Buster: I appreciate everything that you do Rio: you will Rio: that's the plan Buster: I do, whether or not shit goes to plan Buster: You're one of the strongest people I know, the least I can do is give you the reminder Rio: Buster Rio: it won't always be this dramatic, you know Rio: being together Buster: I don't care if it is, you're worth it Buster: And I'd endure the worst suffering I can possibly imagine to be with you if any alternative meant not being Rio: now you're just being hot about it on purpose Buster: I told you I miss you, nothing's changed Rio: I miss you all the time Rio: but I'm down for all the ways you make it worse Buster: [sends her a pic from when he was at the gym earlier like okay we're testing the waters but not very much yet lol] Rio: oh Rio: yeah, I would've flirted with you too Buster: What would you have said? Rio: Hmm Rio: ask you to check my form Buster: As long as you'd have time for how thorough I'd be, I don't have any problem with that Rio: Of course Rio: I'd ask you because you're clearly an expert Buster: And there's no need for me to hold back on my expertise as you're clearly so receptive to it, not to mention deserving Rio: Don't, I want you to show me exactly how you do it Buster: Never, I wouldn't wanna leave you with more questions than answers Rio: of course, but there are some things I could show you in return for all you're going to teach me Buster: Yeah? Buster: You've got yourself a deal, babe Rio: are you going to let me come to the gym with you really Buster: If you want to Buster: I'll try not to get too distracted at the prospect Rio: you look like that, obviously I want to Buster: [a pic of how he looks now like we can also stay in this bed where I currently am chilling] Rio: 🥺🥺 GIMME Buster: You're not meant to change your behaviour or habits for that cunt, remember Buster: Say please Rio: please Rio: please let me be in that bed right now Buster: [treat that gal to some more pics boy she's had a shit day] Rio: please be with me right now Rio: in me Buster: You know that's all I want Rio: you're perfect, Buster, you know that Buster: We're perfect for each other Rio: marry me Buster: As soon as we can, I will Rio: seriously Buster: I am being serious Rio: oh Buster: Once we're both 18 nobody can stop us Rio: yeah but Rio: nobody would come Buster: I only need you to turn up Rio: technically Buster: And actually, 'cause the rest of my family won't and like you said, I'm past caring Rio: if you were going to do it Rio: you'd want the big day, the venue, the clothes, the car Rio: everything proper Buster: If you were going to do it, you'd want your family there, you can say what you really mean Rio: we can't just do all that for two people Buster: We can do whatever we want Rio: I just wish people would be happy for us Buster: I know, I haven't properly asked you yet 'cause I want everything to be perfect for you and there's fuck all I can do to give you that Rio: it'll never happen, I know that Rio: I've accepted it, it's just hard to make total peace with Buster: There was a time when I reckoned we'd never happen Rio: yeah Buster: I don't care who or how many people I have to turn my back on for you, it'll never matter as much as us being together Rio: it shouldn't have to be like this Rio: it's bullshit Buster: Yeah, but it is, and I've made my choice Buster: You know the things I'd do differently and none of 'em are about not ending up here Rio: Me too Buster: Changing their minds is as likely as us changing ours, it's an old fashioned stand off, like Rio: True Rio: it's like, they forget they're meant to be anti-us sometimes though Rio: and it's just normal, like we're any other couple Buster: Maybe when we've has as many years as my parents, it will actually be considered normal Rio: you reckon? Buster: Worked for them Rio: I guess nan and granddad are sufficiently over it Rio: had competition though, didn't they Rio: don't think that's likely to repeat itself Buster: Fingers crossed Nance is hiding a dark enough secret to take at least some of my parents' attention nevertheless Rio: in your dreams, babe Buster: Why would I dream about her downfall when I could dream about your happiness? Rio: alright 😇 Buster: We're not married yet but in regards to that, what's mine is yours, babe Buster: And vice versa Rio: you know I want it too Rio: to be married to you, and have everything we want Buster: Then I'll make it happen, exactly how you want Buster: Where there's a will there's a way, yeah? Especially when it's my will getting involved Rio: I trust that Rio: you Buster: Good 'cause you can Buster: About this and everything else Rio: then that's settled Rio: and Nance is finally here Buster: I'll still be here if you need me Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Rio: you focus on doing everything you possibly can before I get there so you can spend as much time with me as we've got Buster: Consider it done

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Lazy Afternoon 2001 Soul / R&B / Jazz / Adult Contemporary

I'll have you know that I really love it when brands release these stupid-as-hell, ephemeral promo comps that try to offer you a glimpse into their product's "personality." Over the years I've gotten to know that the Czech version of Sprite loves lots of trip hop and big beat tunes, Pottery Barn's into classic soul, Levi's has something of a country-rock streak, and Mercedes-Benz digs themselves some chill European lounge grooves. And I've also been on the hunt for a while now to learn what the windshield wiper company Rain X listens to, but their promo has proven to be elusive to me thus far 😔. But we love to treat our brands like people though, don't we folks?

So, here's one of those promos from a Dutch beer company called Brand Bier that sells in the US as Royal Brand. Currently owned by Heineken, they've been brewing since the *14th century*, and have been known as Brand since the 1870s. And given that deep history, you might think that their taste in music goes way back too, but what this 2001 CD seems to suggest is that this particular beer's love for tunes actually only begins in the early 50s 🤔. And their genres of choice? Why, soul, R&B, and a little bit of jazz, of course, and almost all of it from North America too!

And unlike a bunch of other brand promo comps that I've sifted through, this one's actually pretty well-put-together. It's a bit of a cheat code since it has a bunch of enormous hits on it, like Bill Withers' "Ain't No Sunshine," The Isley Brothers' "That Lady," Blood, Sweat & Tears' "Spinning Wheel," and Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing," but you'd probably never expect an Aretha Franklin deep cut, like her jazz-pop rendition of George & Ira Gershwin's "It Ain't Necessarily So," which appeared on her 1960 debut album, to be on a CD like this one. That song was never released as a single and it predates her rise to superstardom by about six or seven years.

So, sometimes I find that CDs like these serve better as coasters than they do as soundtracks for which to drink your beer by, but the photo used for this album's cover seems to nail the vibe pretty perfectly here. This is just a pleasant hour's-plus worth of classic tunes to sit on a floor and sip a beverage to; but stay away from the small handful of more modern adult contemporary 90s selections, though, because those tunes don't seem to have aged nearly as well as any of the ones that were recorded before them.

Highlights:

Bill Withers - "Who Is He (And What Is He to You?)" The Isley Brothers - "Who's That Lady" Earth, Wind & Fire - "Reasons" Blood, Sweat & Tears - "Spinning Wheel" Marvin Gaye - "Sexual Healing" The Manhattans - "Kiss and Say Goodbye" Billy Paul - "Me and Mrs. Jones" Aretha Franklin - "It Ain't Necessarily So" Louis Armstrong - "Mack the Knife" Bill Withers - "Ain't No Sunshine"