#but they’d make me walk literally SO fucking far from where everyone was chillin

[impishcupid]

it’s like genuinely so annoying when people you where friends with in highschool do something they made fun of u for in highschool and just like want u to be cool about it. Like fuck u mean u smoke weed now you used to make me walk 2 blocks from your house so I could smoke the worst rolled joint in the world by myself

[ye-bloodeh-liar]

I just finished AC Valhalla – A résumé.

I finished the "main story" of Assassin's Creed Valhalla. These are some thoughts of mine. (This was saved in my drafts for two weeks or so. But my stance hasn't altered. Actually, I'm even angrier now.)

Disclaimer: This obviously contains some spoilers here and there. You've been warned, but tbh, who even cares about the story at this point. Also, I know I don't have many followers, and I suspect none of the few that will come across this post will actually be interested in it. That said, if you like reading people's rants about things, regardless of your interest in video games, this might be something for you. I just needed to get this out of my system somewhere. This is a rant (well, vent? I'm venting, I guess) written as it came to my mind. There's no real structure, I think. Sorry for that in advance.

After Origins, which I thoroughly enjoyed and actually played again between Odyssey and Valhalla, and Odyssey, which's name was perfectly fitting since it felt like a fucking odyssey to grind through, I hoped, actually, I was convinced, Valhalla would right Odyssey's wrongs. You see, Odyssey had one big problem for me: It did none of the things that made and still make me love Origins. In short: The world was massive, but felt copied and pasted, uninteresting to explore and lifeless. Basically, it was a lot of green sprinkled with some olive branches. A lot of the times the only way to know roughly where I am was pulling up the map because based on my surroundings, I could've been anywhere. Compared to the intriguing world of Origins, where you always knew in which area of the map you currently were, this was a shitshow. I mean, just walking through the desert in Origins had more atmosphere than the whole city of Athens (the main fucking city) could ever muster up. (Oh, remember the times of AC Brotherhood, where Rome actually felt like a city even though it wasn't actually humongous like the new games are? Or how atmospheric the whole of AC II was? I mean, Venice? Hello? M a s t e r p i e c e) But I can overlook that. The combat didn't feel heavy, or to put it better, "impactful" like it did in Origins, but more like poking the enemies to their deaths with something that made sword-y sounds. But I can overlook that. The loot system improved a bit, in the sense of giving the option to modify your loot and being able to combine different armor pieces, however, Origins outfit-system was more up my alley. But I can overlook that. Funnily enough, compared to its predecessor, Odyssey looked worse. In Origins the fabric of your outfit look like actual fabric and, I can't stress this enough, waved in the wind. In Odyssey everything felt more static and somehow "fake". But I can overlook that. To me, Origins' story was masterfully done. Personally, I'd say, that this is the closest we've ever gotten to the Ezio-Trilogy. The voice acting was top notch. Bayek was a great character, and the side characters like Aya/Amunet were equally intriguing. I still remember the first time I saw the first confession cutscene after killing Medunamun. It gave me shivers and goosebumps and got me excited for what was about to come. What I want to say with this, is that Origins made me care; care about its characters, care about their backstory and motives, care about the world, etc. After I had finished the DLC The Hidden Ones I felt like I had actually witnessed the igniting spark of something epic, namely the Assassin Brotherhood, in such a chilling way, even though they basically were just chillin' in a cave. Because that's what character building gives you: payoffs. Well, Odyssey did none of that. All it did made me care about was to get all the loot, because that's what my mind always goes for in any game (I'm that kind of stupid ape). I didn't care about what would happen in the end – I just wanted to get there. I wanted to know how the story would end, but in whichever way it would, I knew I wouldn't care for it in the sense of being disappointed or yearning for a different outcome for the character I was so invested in, because, as I said, nothing got me invested in the character(s) in the first place. That's what bugged me the most about Odyssey. Not the flimsy feeling combat, not the husk of a world I found myself in, not the downgrade in design and animation, etc., but the lack of care it invoked.

Now, when Valhalla was originally announced, I was excited as I could be for a video game. Ubisoft was clearly aware of their mistakes with Odyssey and tried to show that they're willing to listen to their fanbase. A world where every area has its own identity? Sounds great. Heavy combat? Hell yeah. Gear and loot that actually matters and is special (unlike in Odyssey where after a few hours of playing you find yourself carrying the same fucking bow 25 times)? Oh my. Choices not for the sake of choices, but story? Yes please. I mean, if you have to implement choices. Even though choices don't really make sense in Assassin's Creed, but that's another topic.

Well, did it deliver (for me)? No. And to be completely honest, I prefer Odyssey, even as the grindfest that it is, over Valhalla, and me replaying Odyssey seems a lot more likely to me, than going through all of Valhalla again. I'm not going to list all of the points mentioned above again in full detail: The world is a bit more intriguing than Greece, but a shadow of what Egypt was. The combat feels heavy, yet every weapon looks too big (????) and it still feels a bit off. My biggest grudge of the minor points is actually the look/the graphics: How on earth does Valhalla manage to look less real than Origins? The fur and pelts on the armor, every piece of cloth, i mean just e v e r y t h i n g looks somewhat plasticy (at loss for a better word here; just compare Origins' outfits in motion to Valhalla's) Anyway, let's get to the real problem here, because all boils down to the point I've mentioned before: Invoking care.

This became very apparent to me after forging the fourth (?; was it the fourth? They all blur together. That's how e n t i c i n g they are. Great.) alliance or so. I didn't give a single fuck about the characters in those arcs. It was very clear that they'd be soon replaced by other characters in the next alliance's arc, which I probably wouldn't care for either, especially, since they all felt somewhat the same: empty. Alliances felt like checklists to do. Even Wincestre, which had an interesting beginning, somehow managed to loose all of its "darkness" after the first two quests. But I could overlook the dreary sidequest-like alliance arcs, if they served the main storyline in some way or form. Now you might ask, what main storyline? E x a c t l y. Looking back, there is none. At least not really. And there where a lot of times playing the game where I found myself wondering, if this alliance-arc-thing I was currently dragging myself through was in fact meant to be the actual story. But it shouldn't be. Was it? I have no fucking clue. My conclusion on what Valhalla's main overarching story is, is what follows:

Eivor's parents got killed when he was a child (never seen before lol), got adopted, and is now part of the Raven clan with his "brother" Sigurd//Sigurd comes home from some raid with the Assassins Basim and Hytham//(Eivor gets the Hidden Blade; I mean, this is an Assassin's Creed game. Big moment. Done in 2 seconds.)//Sigurd and Eivor aren't happy with the new King of Norway.//Sigurd and Eivor fuck off to England (with Basim and Hytham) to set camp there.//Eivor starts to forge alliances throughout England to make his clan's hold on England stronger.// Sigurd and Basim do their own thing.//Eivor meets Sigurd and Basim two or three times throughout his alliance forging.//Basim seems a bit off.//Sigurd says that he was told (by Basim?) that he is a descendant of the gods.// Sigurd wants to "pursue his destiny"// (sidenote: the last few things are all within one (!) short cutscene in a small house. d e v e l o p m e n t.)//Sigurd gets captured and tortured and loses his hand.//Eivor rescues Sigurd.// Sigurd is back in the settlement.//Sigurd distrusts Eivor because Eivor doesn't believe Sigurd and Sigurd thinks Eivor wants to take his title as the jarl (jarls are the bosses of settlements).// And then the end sequence hits. This is where I want to go into somewhat detail again. We go from Sigurd distrusts Eivor to "Eivor, I don't wanna be the boss of the town, so I don't hold a grudge anymore, let's go back to Norway and I'll show you I was right all along" like it's nothing. It's literally just that: You walk up to Sigurd, he says this (more or less) and you sail away. Again: development is taken very seriously in this game. Honestly, at this point I didn't even know that this was going to trigger the ending. My genuine thoughts were "Oh my, finally, after all this grinding, the story is going to start." when in reality of course, ironically, it was going to end. Absolute belter. So you sail to Norway with Sigurd, which takes fucking forever, because OF COURSE you have to sail (for everyone who didn't play the game, yes, sail, that means looking at a viking longship while occasionally moving the stick slightly to change its directions slightly) to your original settlement in Norway, for what feels like far too long, only to say Hi to your dad. Fucking lost it. I thought we were going to assassinate the King? Nah bruv let's just have some quick family talk instead. Some action? Nah. Just get back to the longship. A N D S T A R T S A I L I N G A G A I N. Where? Just around the curve of our settlement in Norway. Yes, they pulled the old trick of the ending is literally just right around the corner of your starting position hehe. Absolute belter. Is this to make it seem like something is about to happen? The calm before the storm? It doesn't work like that. Well, then you actually sail through a storm (lol), which doesn't matter, because Sigurd just says "Let's keep going" and, well, you keep going. Also, to this point the weather conditions have never affected neither Eivors health, nor the ship in any way whatsoever, so why should I be impacted by a storm now? Like, it's a nice thing for atmosphere, but at least make the ship harder to steer or something. Then you walk up a mountain. Funnily enough Sigurd walks in manner that shows that the walk against the storm isn't easy, whereas you, hah, you can just yeet yourself up that mountain like nothing. I could sprint up there. Fucking sprint. Anyway, Eivor and Sigurd enter the Isu temple, because of course, we had to throw an Isu temple in there, I mean, i t ' s A s s a s s i n ' s C r e e d. Was it hinted at before in the story? Not really. Were we chasing or searchig for it? Nah, better get that next alliance going. It just suddenly was. Again: development. So we walk to the main platform of the temple and activate the machine and bam we're in Valhalla (because at some point Ubisoft realised that maybe they should include what is literally in the name of the game). Again, were we looking for Valhalla? Like not in the sense that every viking was, but more in the sense

of was it the main objective of the game? Did Eivor look for a way to Valhalla? Was there anything that led us here other than Sigurd having had a few dreams (that only got mentioned, like, twice?) and being influenced into thinking he was a demigod or something? Nope, Eivor was looking for that next alliance to forge. So, Eivor realises that his experience of Valhalla is fake and he wants to get out. But fake-Odin doesn't want to let him go. In a really weird cutscene (jump to 6:30), Eivor eventually escapes Odin and enters a door with his settlement-family (look, I'm all here for metaphors, but this, this is just utter rubbish. It just doesn't make sense, and there is no payoff whatsoever). Odin actually had a build-up of some sort. In every assassination sequence he's there and talks with Eivor. I actually thought there would be some cool payoff/ending/reveal here. But nah, this ain't it chief. Yet somehow, until here, I had hope. I thought maybe now, building on all this confusion, there's gonna be a relatively good ending. Something enticing. Something that made everything somewhat worthwile. And Ubisoft went: Lol nah. So, you're out of the Isu machine again (for all the non-AC-peoples here: basically like the matrix. Eivor gets hooked up to the machine and experiences alternate reality: Valhalla), and Basim is there. What a twist. The guy that showed up like three times and went from friendly in the first time to super suspicious (like glaring-in-your-face-suspicious) in the two-or-so other major cutscenes he was in, has now been revealed as the enemy. Congrats to that. What a twist. The thing is, and this bothers me a lot actually, it could have been anyone there. It didn't need to be Basim. It wouldn't have felt out of place if it wasn't him. Why? Because Ubisoft failed terribly at making you connect to any character and at building any actual story (or character). It could have been Gunnar, the friendly black-smith in our settlement, and it would have been as fitting as Basim. Then Basim says that this is "for his son". Ah yes, the lost son of Basim, which was mentioned once. Right. Eivor defeats Basim by hooking him up on the Isu machine and gets back to the settlement with Sigurd (in my ending at least. There seems to be a possible ending in which Sigurd doesn't come back.) Cut to the modern day, where Layla now knows the coordinates of the Isu temple, goes there, hooks herself up to the machine, becomes the overseer of time with the other overseer of time which already was hanging out there (I mean yeah, great idea, terrible execution. Build it up, then you can have a payoff. This was just straight outta nowhere, and who cared about Layla anyway.) Anyway, meanwhile Basim, who was still hanging on that machine a fuck ton of years later, pops off, and is now living in the modern day. The idea here is, that we lost the hero (Layla) which caused the (just established) vilain (Basim) to do his fuckery in the modern day. But why should I care? Basim was basically nonexistent in the basically nonexistent story and suddendly I should feel sad or shocked, because he's in the modern day? Is this supposed to be intriguing? And yeah, Layla is "gone". Layla, who had no character building over three fucking games. Why should i be bothered? Why should I care about anything that just happened? Remember when a side character (Lucy) died in AC Brotherhood? That was intriguing. Why? Because they built her as a character we (Desmond) trusted, even though it was in the modern day (which no one really cares about in AC). And this is why Valhalla broke me and Odyssey didn't. Valhalla failed to make me care on a much deeper level. It's just a lot of nothingness. Empty characters in a nonexistent story. And by nonexistent, I mean non-built at all. When I play the game now, I have no actual reason, and throughout the game never actually had any actual reason, to continue. It was a chore. I didn't bother if after three hours of grind I would eventually get a mini-snippet of a husk of a story, and neither do I care now. Everything in

this game is so devoid of sparking curiosity and screams of lacklusterness to the point where I don't even know what I have actually expierenced. For fuck's sake Ubisoft, make me care again. At least once in 40 hours.

May I sum up Valhalla's "story" and content in the glorious words of Catherine Tate: Am I bovvered? The answer, sadly, is a holistic no.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #455

“but you didn’t have to cut me off  /  make it like it never happened and that we were nothing”

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends? We're besties! :') Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual? No. Would you get a lip piercing? I already have a vertical labret. I've considered getting spiked snakebites (they might be called devil bites?) too, though. With a vertical labret, it looks sick as FUCK. It might be a bit much too close together for me, though, idk. Nose piercing? I want my right nostril re-pierced. What are you currently waiting for? Girt to message me back. I've decided what I want out of our relationship and just want to see him. Do you have feelings for anyone? Hit me pretty hard through a lot of examination of my feelings that yeah, I do. Have you ever run over an animal? Oh my god no, I would be DESTROYED. Have you chewed gum after someone else already has? bro what the fuck When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’? I do only out of expectation. I don't want someone to think I'm an ass or something for not saying it. When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle? A few years ago for my niece's birthday. She was scared of how loud it was and was very reluctant to get near it, so my fat ass got in there with everyone else to show her it was fine lol. I can't remember if she eventually got in. She loves them now, though. :') Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk? No, but thanks for the idea, ha ha. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. What is one food that you detest? Asparagus. Did you have a rebellious phase growing up? Not really. What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic. Are you still that religion? GOD NO. Do you often find yourself questioning your future? That's my full-time job. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 124. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same I listen to now. What pet names do you use with your significant other? I'm single rn, but usually, I go for "sweetie/sweetheart," "hunny," "love," "dear," stuff like that. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart. Have you ever seen a theatre show? Yes. What’s your favourite vegetable? Broccoli. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. I was SO fuckin upset because it was on Sara's birthday and planned in secret, and I was supposed to wake her up. It still wound up being a big surprise to her when she walked into her room and I was chillin' at her desk, ha ha, but I still wish it coulda gone as originally planned. Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them? Yes; they have a yappy-ass dog that doesn't shut up. I haven't met them. What color is your bedroom door? White. If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans? This may sound very ungrateful, but I have heard A LOT of celebrities say it: it would get old, being stopped constantly in public for signatures, pictures, etc. Like yes, I still WOULD be grateful, but I'd miss just being off the radar and able to go outside carrying out chores and stuff like a normal person. Have you ever met your favourite band/singer? No. :( Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like? Nah, not nowadays. Have you ever written a story? Yes, a kinda short one when I was little. Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it? The breakup with Jason and the fact we're just strangers again. It was really short, but I like it a lot, honestly. Do you have a chance with the person you like right now? I think so. What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child? A skeleton in my closet, lol. Literally. Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you? alkdsjflakjwle yes In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show? That '70s Show. 3rd Rock From the Sun is high up there, too. What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have? HYPOTHETICALLY, two, but I'm pretty damn serious about having none. I just always feel kinda bad for children without a sibling, but three would make me pull my hair out. Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness? Yes. I overreact to even minor symptoms to ANYTHING. Are you comfortable with who you are? No. Pretty much everything about myself embarrasses me, even if it shouldn't. Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it? Yes? Others' opinions don't affect how I feel about someone. Does popularity matter to you at all? No, outside of trying to be a successful photographer. Would you ever consider homeschooling your children? If they really wanted that and it would benefit them, yes. Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to? I discovered them myself. Do you ever read fanfiction? Nah. Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire? Jesus. A plane crash, I guess, because in a lot of cases, it would be an immediate death. What are your top five favourite TV shows? Meerkat Manor, Fullmetal Alchemist (and Brotherhood; shut up, they go together), That '70s Show, Ginga Densetsu Weed, and Deadman Wonderland. What is your favorite superhero movie? Logan. If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Uhhhh idk... I guess maybe a heart attack? Judging by doctor appointments, my heart is just fine, but the fact still remains that I'm technically obese, so that's always a risk. Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why? Facebook, yes. It was just depressing me. I was playing the comparison game REAL hard. Who is the most talented person you know? I dunno. I know many people talented in a lot of areas. Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with? No. Where did you and your current interest go on your first date? Bowling. Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened? Jason and Juan pursued me at the same time. They'd known each other in the past, and Juan hated him for "winning" his ex-girlfriend. Then when Jason and I got together, Juan wasn't the happiest for sure. Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened? Before I actually came out as bisexual, I don't think so? Are your parents more liberal or conservative? Conservative. Mom is more open, but still conservative. I think. What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year? I'm not in school. How far away does your closest family member live? I live with Mom. If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland? I actually strongly prefer Tim Burton's. Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not? Yeah. I just want to be in a long-term, serious, healthy relationship to reach that point and be as safe as possible about it. Are you more liberal or conservative? Liberal, but I do have some conservative beliefs, too. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I don't have one, given I never got into that franchise. What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry? Not a goddamn thing. What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done? Done "the thing." Name something that you are against. I'll go with an unconventional one that's a problem as of the late: making owning reptiles illegal. Why are you against it? Because reptiles are perfectly capable of being brilliant pets and, most importantly, can tame people's fears of them. I think that it's very important to see the worth and beauty in all animals, and reptiles are one of the most unappreciated families out there. :/ Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games? I played some of either the first or second one. I could never beat it. Old games are hard, man. Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy? I absolutely believe that it can get to an extreme that I don't like, but for the most part, I don't mind a clingy partner because hey, I am too. Beatles or Rolling Stones? Stonessss. When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? It'd been on my mind for a while, but I *officially* realized that I really do like-like Girt a couple days ago. And since then it's gotten a bit hardcore and all I wanna do is talk to him bc fuck me and how attached to people I get. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Every single time I go to the gym, I feel proud of myself because it REALLY takes a lot out of me. Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Nope. I'm willing to be a shoulder to cry on for like... anyone. If you're hurting, talk to someone. I'll be there as an easy option. What was the last thing to fascinate you? It was... INCREDIBLY disturbing and almost nauseating even for me, but I saw a video of a dead whale explode. It was GRUESOME. Guts just kept coming and coming and coming and :x Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Hmmm... I'm sure there is, but what, it's not coming to me. Sudden, loud noises are an obvious answer. Do you have a favourite microorganism? ... No, I can't say I do. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Girt's, actually. It's in October. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? I did when I actually had them as a kid. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Ye. Have you ever owned chickens? No, but that'd be cool. Fresh eggs from a properly cared for chicken taste SO much better. When did you last listen to music? Currently. NOW I'm obsessed with Melodicka Bros & Violet Orlandi's cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." It's done in a gothic metal style and is amaaaazing.

[invaderdoom78]

The Short Second Life of Amy Peterson

Oh boy, Peter was worried about Charley, not even a day ago he’d gotten a frantic call from the young hunter about a rumor of bodies being found around the seedier parts of Vegas with all of their blood drained, along with some rumors that his girlfriend Amy, who, because her body had never been found, had been classified as a missing person after Jerry had attacked her, had been spotted lurking around the aforementioned parts of the city at night. However, despite having the police about the potential missing person sightings no one was able to find any trace of her or who might have been responsible for the alleged serial killings. So he was freaking out, both slightly terrified and worried about the potential that Amy could still be alive and that’s how he and Peter found themselves walking around an area of the city that was well known for being full of druggies and dealers, searching for any sign of Charlie's girlfriend.

“This’s stupid” Peter grumbled, keeping his hands in his jacket pocket, one of them grasping the small revolver he was hiding in it

“I know” Charley said, looking around the street, holding a can of wasp spray “maybe we should split up”

“What?” Peter asked, grabbing Charley by the back of the shirt to keep him from leaving “why the fuck would we do that?”

“So we can get out of here quicker” Charley said, getting out of Peters grip so he could cross to the other side of the street

Taking a tighter grip on his spray, Charley descended down the closest alleyway he could find, ever vigilant for any sign of movement, human or otherwise. He was really hoping that the woman people have been seeing wasn’t actually Amy and people were just seeing someone who happened to look like her from a distance because if it really was Amy, that could only mean that she’d been turned. Groaning a bit in the back of his throat he was frantically scanning his surroundings, searching desperately for any sign of his girlfriend or really just any woman that had blond hair that was lurking around the area. Unfortunately, the blonde he did find wasn’t who he was looking for though. It was Jane and he was positive that she would absolutely murder him if she knew she could get away with it and now they were alone, in an alley- together. The moment his brain recognized her and the potential danger he was in Charley stumbled backward and into a row of garbage cans, knocking them over as they fell on top of him. With flailing arms, he managed to knock away the bags that were covering his face and only saw Jane smiling sweetly at him before she left, obviously enjoying the reaction she’d gotten from him. Letting out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding Charley leaned back into the trash, resting his head back on the can his upper half was laying on, eyes shut.

“Hey, Char Char” A familiar feminine voice called to Charley “whatcha doin’ down there?”

Casting a death stare at Charley as he walked away Peter thought about either ditching him or just staying right where he was, waiting for him to come back, and not help him look, but then he remembered what happened with his mom a few weeks back when she showed up out of the blue making him realize that Jerry was probably just incapable of finishing off his prey. So he began walking in the same direction as Charley on his side of the road, not really making it that far before he heard something moving around in the alley next to him. Grumbling to himself about how he was going to kill Charley for talking him into agreeing to any of this Peter took a firm grip on the handle of his gun as he turned down it. He’d barely even taken a step into the alley when he bumped into Felix, the two just staring at each other in a bit of shock as neither one was expecting to see anyone else that quickly.

It’s that fucking guy. Felix thought to himself as he looked down at the hunter.

He had no idea who Peter was, he just knew that for whatever reason Jane and Alec went to his house every time they had a mission in America and never once did they tell him or Demetri about where they were going. Really the only reason he recognized Peter was because after one mission Demetri had tracked the twins down to his house and, from a bit of a distance, they both saw them in the humans living room, Jane clinging to Peter as he and Alec were talking. Neither one of them had spoken to Aro about what they had seen and he has never brought up the subject to them so they’d both figured that he wasn’t a threat. Peter didn’t know who Felix was either, he’d never really asked Aro much about the members of his coven, so he was absolutely ready to shoot him with his holy water-soaked bullets he’d loaded into his gun, but just as he was about to pull the gun out of his pocket he spotted the Volturi necklace around the vampires neck. So neither one was willing to strike the other and neither was willing to take a step closer to the other, so they circled each other, not breaking eye contact as they backed away from the other; Felix backing out of the alley entirely and Peter further into it. With Felix finally out of his sights, Peter turned around just as he walked past a dumpster, glancing at it and spotting Alec, alone, sitting on the ground next to it.

“What the hell’re you doing?” Peter asked looking down at the young vampire

“Jane, Demetri, Felix, and I were tracking down a vampire and somehow we got separated and now I don’t know what to do” Alec said, looking up at Peter

“Well don’t sit there!” Peter said, pulling Alec to his feet “these alleyways are disgusting, you could literally be sitting on a spot someone’s taken a shit on”

“Did you see anyone?” Alec asked

“Yeah, I just saw a really tall bastard right before I found you”

“Felix?” Alec asked talking Peters's hand

“He went this way” Peter said pointing to where Felix had just gone

“Amy?” Charley asked, looking up

She looked exactly how he remembered her and was even wearing the same white dress she’d had on during the attack, but she’d added jeggings and knee-high boots to her legs, full length gloved to her arms, and had wrapped a large shawl around herself so that it was shielding her upper body and head from any sunlight she may come in contact with. She also looked like she hadn’t bathed in a few days, and oddly enough like she’d lost a noticeable amount of weight, even though that really shouldn’t have been possible in her current state, her blue eyes were wide, bloodshot, and her pupils were extremely dilated. She was also frantically looking around her surroundings like she was expecting someone to jump out of the shadows any minute now and snatch her up, her body was also shaking like she was suffering through tremors, and she was scratching her arm furiously like her skin was crawling with ants.

“You’re still alive. Mmmm” Charley said regretting his choice of words

“I guess” Amy shrugged, hovering over Charley as a small drop of thick black substance, that was probably blood, began creeping out of her nose

“Uh” was all Charley could articulate as he watched his girlfriend's odd behavior, pointing at his own nose in hopes that she’d get the hint

She did and quickly grabbed the end of her shawl and used it to wipe away the blood, her head whipping towards the entrance of the alley.

“You need to get out of here Charlie!” Amy whispered leaning in closer to Charley “they’re coming for me”

“Who?” Charley asked, sitting up a bit “who’s coming for you?”

“I don’t know who they are. I just know they’re vampires and I think they want to kill me”

“I can help you” Charley said

“You can’t” Amy whispered, her face only a few inches away from his “I’ve been trying to get away from them for the last few days but they keep finding me. I can’t put you or your mom in danger”

Stepping out of the alley Peter and Alec ran across the street to the side that Charley was on and down the alley, he’d disappeared in.

“Charlie!” Peter yelled when he saw Amy standing almost on top of the young hunter

With a look of pure panic on her face, Amy straightened up quickly, taking a step back over one of the fallen trash cans, wanting to get away from Alec and Peter but still not wanting to abandon Charlie. Peter was pretty sure he recognized this vampire; even after all the time that had passed Charley still had Amy’s picture as the lock screen on his phone and when they first met it seemed like he looked at it every five minutes, so he’d seen it quite a few times so he had a decent idea of what the blond looked like and he was pretty sure this vampire was her, but he knew there was still a possibility he was wrong.

“Hey, Peter” Charley said trying to sound casual

“Hey, Charlie” Peter said, moving Alec a bit behind him “whatcha. Whatcha doin’ down there?”

“Oh, you know. Just chillin’ here with Amy”

“...That’s Amy?” Peter asked pointing at the blond “Amy as in your girlfriend who was killed by Jerry, Amy?” he tried to suppress the smile that was spreading across his face

“Yeah” Charley said

As much as he tried to stop himself Peter couldn’t help it as he fell into a fit of laughter that was so hard his sides had almost instantly started hurting and he slowly collapsed to the ground. In the midst of the older hunters laughing fit Jane, Demetri, and Felix appeared at the mouth of the alley; all of them honestly looking confused about what was happening in front of them with Charley still in the garbage, Peter dying of laughter, and Demetri and Felix just standing there wondering if they should be worried about what could potentially happen with Peter there. Feeling the sense of pure terror flooding into every nerve of her body Amy wanted to run away but she still couldn’t bring herself to leave Charley behind. Just as the other vampires took a step towards Amy and Charley everyone, including Peter, felt something similar to a tingling sensation filling the air and suddenly they were no longer visible to the vampires, the trash cans even looked like they’d never been disturbed; like she and Charley had never been there.

“...She’s still there” Demetri said after a few seconds of confused silence

“Shit” Amy growled as the scene around her turned back to normal

Breathing heavily, with air that she didn’t need Amy turned her panicked eyes towards Felix and made intense direct eye contact with him as he walked up to her. Feeling a small chill going down his spine Felix reached the blond in a few steps and attempted to restrain her so she couldn’t escape again, but this time she was able to match him in his impressive strength. Before it seemed like she was no stronger than an average human and was only able to escape because of her ability to create illusions. Realizing that he wasn’t going to be able to overpower her like last time Felix used his imposing height to his advantage, taking a firm grip on the back of her shirt, lifting her into the air when she tried to run away, at a speed that made it seem like she didn’t have the enhanced speed of a vampire. As he watched the vampire approach Charley felt conflicted because he still loved Amy and wanted to protect her but it was obvious that she’d been eating people and if he just sat back and let this guy do what he needed to do, then he wouldn’t need to be the one that pulled the proverbial trigger. Because of how much of a fit of laughter Peter had fallen into he wasn’t aware enough of his surroundings to realize what was going on, until Aro joined them in the alley, obviously also a bit confused about what was going on. Somehow his brain was able to focus in on his lover and despite how hard he was trying to explain to Aro what was happening he couldn’t, so he grabbed the vampire's hand instead.

“Oh, dear” Aro murmured, keeping hold of Peters's hand “set her down Felix”

Doing as he was told Felix released his hold on the back of Amy’s clothes and let her drop to the ground, but moved so that he was standing behind her to prevent her from escaping again.

“We aren’t here to harm you, my dear” Aro said softly, taking a step closer to Amy “may I?” he held out his hand for her to take

Taking a few deep breaths, Peter managed to calm himself down enough for him to be able to get back to his feet and tousle Jane's hair when she approached him. Right as Charley and Peter were about to start their search for her Amy had stumbled upon them and, knowing that the Volturi were still in the area, she'd kept close to her boyfriend and saw how the two were interacting with each other. So, even though Charley seemed to be afraid of Jane, watching Peter be so at ease with three out of the five vampires made her feel a bit more comfortable with taking Aro's hand.

“My” Aro said, letting Amy take her hand back “you’ve had quite the year

“Yeah” Amy said scratching her arms again

“Let’s get that tainted blood out of you” Aro said gently, leading Amy away from the trash cans

“Why’re you still sitting in the garbage?” Jane asked looking at Charley

“Good question” Charley said

“Maybe we should get you to the hospital” Peter said, noticing that one of the bags that had been torn open was full of broken glass

“Yeah probably” Charley said, fighting his way out of the trash “I actually think something might’ve cut me so I’m pretty sure I’ve got, like, all of the diseases now”

Helping Charley to his feet the two started walking back to the car when Peter started chuckling.

“Stop laughing you ass!” Charley exclaimed

“After all the shit you’ve given me I’m gonna laugh at this until the day I die”

“...Do you think she’ll be safe with them?” Charley asked once they got to the car

“Oh yeah” Peter said getting into the car “she’ll be fine”

“Will— will I ever get to see her again?”

“Maybe” Peter shrugged “I imagine Aro’s taking her to my house to get that drugie blood out of her so he’ll probably let her say goodbye to you at the very least and depending on where she’s put in the guard then maybe she’ll be visiting America sometimes”

“I don’t know what to do Peter” Charley sighed as Peter pulled away from the curb “I still love her but I don’t know if I can deal with this”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You still love her and that’s a good start”

“I hope you’re right” Charley sighed, slumping into the car seat

[psi-psina]

Namba Hatch 25/26 ♡

04/25

00. SE

01. 谿壑の欲 

02. Downfall 

03. 人間を被る 

04. 理由 

05. Ash 

06. Rubbish  Heap

07. DOZING GREEN

08. 赫 

09. Celebrate Empty Howls

10. undecided 

11. Ranunculus 

12. Devote My Life

13. 軽蔑と始まり

14. Values of Madness

15. 詩踏み 

16. Followers 

17. 鬼眼 

18. Revelation of mankind

19. THE DEEPER VILENESS 

20. 冷血なりせば

I’ll get straight to the point, Kyo was very disappointed tonight and he ended the show really pissed off. He didn’t go very crazy during encore and at the end of Reiketsu he just leaned on his crate for a moment and then turned around and walked off, well before it was all over. 

Kyo visited kamite during Values of Madness, and according to a couple of people there, there were a couple of idiots goofing around chatting with each other and taking photos of the show. Kyo very abruptly stopped singing and he did shout at them (“You fucking idiots/jerks” - obviously not with the mic) and REALLY threw down the mic, and retreated, showing us his back for a number of beats before picking it up again. I only actually saw from when he threw down the mic because I had been headbanging and had an obstructed view so I didn’t know what had caused him to react like that until after the show. And it’s been well reported already that there was also an obnoxious group up on the balcony who were apparently drunk, and also just standing around chatting and causing problems. I had a fairly obstructed view for parts of the set last night and in shimote at least the crowd was very energetic, so I had trouble taking everything in. 

Overall the crowd tonight was definitely a mixed bag and also a bit of a mess, right from the start. During the rush forward I fell due to like 3 people stacking it in front of me and one girl losing her shoe. I hope no one was badly hurt, I got a scrape on my knee weirdly, and also hurt my right foot. 😂 

The sound seemed a liiiiiiitle bit off for a Hatch show tonight? I don’t know if that had anything to do with the poorer impression of the show.

The other guys were pretty normal but were not as energetic as they were in Nagoya, especially Toshiya. Kaoru went over to kamite I think twice and Toshiya maybe 3 times over the whole night and I also don’t recall any of them visiting Shinya tonight, which they have been doing at least once at the other shows. Kyo and Die did not visit shimote ONCE the whole night. :( Overall they were not very active. But honestly, with all that being said, I gave everything I could and I still had a fantastic live. There was just a bit of an awkward feeling at times.

They opened with Keigaku again and I didn’t get to writing about this in the Nagoya report idk I just forgot but can I just say….Keigaku live is just on a whole other fuckin level…the sheer extent of how EPIC this song is live and how good those SUCCULENT transitions are without TIW’s mix dampening them is BEYOND, GUYS. IT. IS. BEYOND. Absolutely lap. that. shit. up!!! Also, Keigaku is SUCH a good opener like ARGGGG I love it sooo much. AND THEN DOWNFALL AND NINGEN TONIGHT AHHHH!!! Such a response, I could just let all my feelings out. 😭 I wanted to try to pay more attention to what is shown on the screen during Downfall and Rubbish Heap tonight but I utterly failed. RUBBISH HEAP tonight was THE BEST!! I didn’t see shit because I was too busy headbanging and jumping and screaming!

Celebrate Empty Howls did not land tonight, there was a weird shift in the mood during this song because the crowd tonight just didn’t really connect to it imho. I blame this on it’s placement in the setlist again. It genuinely felt like no one, not even particularly Kyo, was really in the mood for Celebrate tonight after Aka, esp because Dozing and Aka were so so spellbinding, everyone was deep in this atmosphere and then Celebrate just didn’t really work with it (that was my feeling). Tonight I probably felt Celebrate the least out of any night. undecided and Ranunculus followed and Kyo again cried horribly when he sang undecided, but this performance also had a…different feeling. Tonight he had this hopelessness when singing undecided that I have't seen at the other lives….during the previous lives even when he wept he sang with this strength and soulfulness that completely broke my heart and made me cry. Tonight it was more broken. 

When Kyo spoke to us during encore, he spoke us very roughly and also largely without the mic. He snarled and truly riled us as much as he could, he also growled “BOBOZAGA” twice. 

The Deeper Vileness went beyond my wildest dreams and I managed to get a look at Kaoru during the PITCH and oh my god his expression. if the sentiment of “i am a fucking GOD” could be distilled into a single expression, that was it. He looked so fucking satisfied and honestly I just lost it. Also had a spectacular time of Reiketsu, truly, it was overall a fantastic live and I’m genuinely sorry that Kyo's impression of the night was turned to shit by various things. He didn’t headbang Reiketsu but left the stage almost immediately after the final “SUCK ME” (fitting final words…) and that was when his displeasure became extremely clear to me.

04/26

00. SE

01. 赫 

02. Downfall 

03. 人間を被る 

04. Rubbish Heap 

05. Ash 

06. Values of Madness

07. DOZING GREEN

08. 谿壑の欲 

09. Celebrate Empty Howls

10. undecided 

11. Ranunculus 

12. Devote My Life

13. 軽蔑と始まり 

14. 獣慾 

15. 詩踏み 

16. Followers 

17. 鬼眼 

18. Sustain the untruth

19. GRIEF 

20. 冷血なりせば

Tonight was a true Namba Hatch show from start to finish. It was ROUGH in the pit and the intensity of the fans was totally consuming. Kyo’s words after the first day had a very, very clear effect. I ended up being in the Kyo pit after two crushes and the absolute fervor to give him satisfaction tonight was extremely palpable. You could feel it from all sides. And despite not containing Vileness, this setlist is also at least 70% better than the other variation; Celebrate was a BLAST tonight and works a thousand times better following Keigaku, and Juuyoku bests Wake at literally any table. (I kinda wish they’d left out Wake entirely on this tour tbh, it’s not that I haven't appreciated the song itself, there are just songs that’d work soooo much better in it’s place…especially bc it’s still weirdly paired up with Ash).

I truly can’t write much about this night due to the sheer intensity of it. Words are lacking and I’m also still physically recovering from it. During Juuyoku I was having abdominal pain from the exertion and I was pretty dizzy for most of Utafumi. It was like the 2nd night at Shinkiba with the intensity dialled up by 1000%. We were packed together and while it was violent, the violence arose from the sheer intensity and VOLUME of energy everyone was giving, not from being selfish or inconsiderate; no one around me was treating other people like an obstacle, the overall feeling was remarkably supportive.

I will say that this was genuinely Kyo’s night, it was his finale. I don’t know why, but like on the first night, the other guys were not even trying to compete with him for attention and really seemed just….pretty chill. Toshiya came to the middle once or twice but didn’t go to kamite at all and Kaoru and Die really only moved around the stage during Sustain (far as I can remember). They weren’t particularly working the crowd but just gave pretty normal performances. This ain’t no criticism!!!! I’m just not used to having such a lack of impressions from the other guys, but it definitely didn’t help that I was in Kyo pit.

Kyo absolutely SHOWERED both sides with attention during Sustain, he was absolutely LIVING ♡ and holy shit I could not BELIEVE the sound that went up from shimote when he went over there, the roaring was drowning out the instruments for me. 😁 I distinctly remember Kaoru coming over to stand in front of us during Sustain and I was about to go crazy but a;skjdnf Kyo was distracting LITERALLY EVERYONE over in shimote, and no one really shouted, and my “KAORU KAORU KAORU!!!!!!!!’s” were totally drowned out by everyone else alskdnf and he just stood there chillin’ staring off into the middle distance, I was like ALKSJND BITCH! I’M LITERALLY ABOUT TO DIE FOR YOU!!! UGH! I miss you, I just want one ROAR face!! KAJNsdljn

There was only one damper on the atmosphere during the whole night and it was during undecided when about three people in the Kyo pit needed help from staff, I think they needed water and at least one person had to be pulled out. People were definitely trying to disrupt as little as possible but, it can’t be helped. So undecided was a little bit muted because of this distraction but everyone remained gracious. Kyo’s performance was more sedate, but he still wept.

I wept during Ranunculus, again. Not as badly as in Shinkiba (day 2), which was UGLY. Ranunculus never fails to bring tears but obviously some nights are a lot worse than others. Hearing Kyo’s heavy/shaking breaths at the end/throughout the song is also just too much to bear.

Followers was absolutely wonderful tonight, it’s truly a song you wanna be in front of Kyo for ♡ and oh man the feeling that was given tonight…I can’t put words to it 😭

There was one song…I think it was Ash, at the end of it Kyo knelt on his crate and mussed up his hair so it stuck out everywhere and bared his teeth at us in this very mischievous grin. ♡

Kyo spoke with great passion during the encore, he told us to fucking lose our voices, lose our necks and i LOVE seeing him headbang like this again! Bobozaga did not make another appearance.

He collapsed after Reiketsu and then made it over to the drums where he lit a cigarette and took a moment and then came back to the front with a water bottle. He looked extremely replete ♡ He splashed us with water a bit and threw the bottle in, and he also went to shimote and splashed two girls on the rail with water and gave one of them the bottle 🙏🏾 He came back to the centre and threw in his towel after wiping his face with it. He put his hand on his heart and called out “Osaka” and also blew us a fox kiss before he waved bye-bye. ♡♡♡

these are extremely incomplete but it’s basically all I can manage ♡ I met so many people on this tour and there are a number that I am extremely thankful for, I’m looking forward to the autumn tour and hopefully a number of reunions very, very much ♡

I love Dir so much ♡

[rvbficwars]

Fluff Week Masterlist

Submissions listed under the cut!

Art Submissions:

@adobewanphotobi​

Caboose and the Reds: Caboose chilling with the Reds and a familial sense. 

@agent-murica

Birthday: Blue Team celebrates Wash’s birthday

Convention: Simmons ropes Grif into going to a convention

Fancy Club: Tuckington going out to the club

Gardening: Docnut gardening

King of the Cats: Wash with cats

Tiny Hat: Caboose with Mini-Freckles

@artsyorangeykay

Before the First Date: Tucker and Wash get that first date after all

Blanket: Wash wrapped in a big fluffy blanket

Chocolate Cake: Tucker and Wash make it home

Ice Cream Raid: Mermaid AU, Wash and Junior get ice cream

Talking about Junior: Tucker telling Wash about Junior

Tuckington Proposal: Wash proposes to Tucker

Retirement Cuddles: Tuckinglina cuddles

@captainkonot

Donut’s Photo Album: Donut takes pictures of everyone

Failed Confession: Tucker tries to get Simmons to confess to Grif

Survivor Hugs: Carolina and Wash hug it out

@cerealmonster15

The Cool Brother: Palomo being an older brother to Junior

@churchwash

Let Them Rest: Church and Wash cuddling

Bonding Moment: Wash and Maine bonding moment during Project Freelancer

@cobaltqueen

Air Conditioning: Sarge has the only air conditioner in Red Base

@cosmicstupidity

Hawaii: Grif and Simmons go back to Hawaii

Surprise Party: Happy Caboose.

@cptgrif

Stargazing: Grif, Donut, and Simmons stargaze together

@creatrixanimi

Hair Dye: The Grif siblings dye their hair

Surfing: Grif and Kai surf together

@fandomescapades

After the War: The mercs hug it out

Caboose Hugging Freckles: Caboose hugging Freckles the big friendly dog. 

Team Dads: Ambush the Dads to show affection. They clearly love it

@freelancercarolina

Don’t Fall Asleep Without Me: South and Carolina have insomnia

@gaveremy

Painting Nails: Blue Team paints their nails

@gdipalomo

Thank You: Tuckington, reunion with Junior

Baking Time: Caboose in the Kitchen

@grimmmons

Childhood Colors: Grif teaches Kai about colors

Chillin with the Grifs: Grif and Kai show Carolina how to be the best at being lazy.

Computer Problems: Simmons fixes Grif’s computer

Date Night: Kimball and Carolina are going out

Hit Me Baby One More Time: Red Team dance game

Movie Night: Red vs Blue Movie Nights

@hazk

Surprise Hugs: The Dakota twins hug Carolina

Ulterior Motive: Donut’s grimmons wine and cheese hour

@ivorytrenchcoat

Sleepover: Red Team sleepover

@kaikainagrifofficial

Sprawl: Sharkalina cuddles

You’re Perfect: Kimball and Carolina go dancing

@leonardloserchurch

Don’t Talk to Me or My AI Fragments: AI family reunion

Human AI’s: The AI as humans

@mercuryblacksleg

Father’s Day: Red Team gets Sarge something for Father’s Day

Red Team Movie Night: Movie Night at Red Base

@orangeycookiekay

Pastry Train: Donut and Caboose cuddling

@peteor

Churchnut Kisses: Donut gives Church a kiss

@piratelynlyn

Dancing: Grimmons and the gang at the club dancing

Moby: After Simmons pulls Moby out of the rubble and gets him to a vet, he ends up keeping him. Grif gives him hell because Simmons said he wasn’t going to keep him, but he kept checking on the little guy and fell in love with him.

@quetzalcactus

Red vs Ocean: Locus’s first time participating in zany red-team hijinks, red team is very proud.

@sabishiita

BBQ: Sarge BBQs for Red Team

Catching Up: Carolina and 479er catch up on old times

Light Trick: Dwarven Grif and Elven Simmons cuddle and make magic

Renfaire: Simmons makes a gift for Grif at the renfaire

@sxpaiscia

Battlestar Galactica: Grimmons watch BSG together

Maintenance: Grif helps Simmons with cyborg repairs

Robot Army: Wash and Sarge build robots together

@telekinetic-pony

Baking: Red Team baking

Childhood Friends: Temple and Bif as kids

Reunion: Tucker and Junior reunite

@veni-vidi-acdc

Big Damn Kiss: Grimmons reunion

Hugs: Tuckington hug

Stargazing: Docnut Stargazing

How Do Cats Work: Caboose is covered in cats

Nightmares: Tucker had a nightmare and Wash wants to help  

Color of the Sky: Lopez relaxing

Fic Submissions:

@all-made-of-stardust

Redecorating: Chorus needs a little TLC. Caboose does too.

You Do Know How to Throw a Party: The gang goes to one of Kai’s conventions for the first time

@aquatariuswrites

Building Pillow Forts Reduces Headaches Says Local Ex-Agent: Caboose wants to build a blanket fort and enlists Tucker and Wash

@arirashkae

Agent Washington, Chick Magnet: Wash accidentally adopts a flock of chickens

What Little Girls are Made of: In a different life, Locus stays with Siris rather than Felix

Quod Cattus Respice In Trahebatur:  Felix-is-a-cat AU, only now BOTH of them are cats. Maybe something where they are totally just cuddling up for warmth... Bonus points for Locus cleaning Felix (G-rated) who reluctantly sits and positively does not enjoy it of course.

@autisticblueteam

Comfort: She finds her sat in front of her locker. She doesn’t leave her there.

Double Date: When the Freelancers get some “shore leave” due to a supply stop, Maine, Wash, South and Connie go to the fair.

Noodle:  After months of only being a hologram, Alpha finally gets a new body, and he knows exactly what he’s going to do with it.

Nothing Weird About It: Wash and Carolina have a little time to themselves between commitments on Chorus.

Unexpected:  Connie isn’t quite sure what to expect when she gets assigned her new secondary field partner, Agent Washington, but it definitely wasn’t this.

@awesomenessagenda

Guess You’re My Everything Now: Tucker is not prepared to serve bagels to asshole bureaucrats commuting to the city at three in the fucking morning. So before work, he pounds back a bottle of vodka.

@bizarrebird

Leave Room for Space Jesus:  Agent Washington has faced the worst kind of enemies, but there's nothing that could make him ready for his next challenge: dancing without looking like an idiot.

Missing Him was Dark Gray: There's an empty space where Wash should be. Caboose and Tucker can't fill it alone, but they can make do.

make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely:  Diner AU: Tex and York being asshole friends who love each other

@cptgrif

Ease the Tension: Donut sees Grif is a little stressed out from Simmons’ recent departure and tries to ease the tension.

@doomedroleplayer

Where Freckles Came From:  Washington explains to Carolina and Church why there is a dog in the house.

@eclaire-de-lune

In Which York Assists Tex When She is Feeling Poorly: Tex gets a cold, refuses to tell anyone, York figures it out and tries to help her.

Lay Your Weary Head to Rest: Nork hurts Wash on accident and decide to make it up to him.

Prima et Ultima: All things must come to an end. This York and Delta understand.

Shall We Dance?: Carolina doesn’t ask for two AIs, and thus South gets the Happiness/Joy AI 

@hylian-reptile

Colonel Sportacus Champitor Crimson the Second: Sarge finds a dog.  “Admit it, Simmons. Sarge loves a twelve-year-old snorting football more than literally anyone or anything in this canyon. Except for his shotgun. And maybe killing Blues.”

@lostlegendaerie

Feral Cat: It starts like this: Chorus has A LOT of feral cats. It ends like this: Wash running Chorus's first new animal shelter and spay/release program.

@madqueenalanna

Templum Veritas: After s13, Kimball sends the Reds and Blues out to find the rest of the temples. When they find the Temple of Truth, things get… something.

You remind me of... Something:  Modern AU. York is trying desperately to be poetic, but Carolina eludes categorization.

@many-many-bubbles

Ghost Fireworks: Caboose meets Theta

@matara-barian

Orange: Locus and Sarge argue over who had to deal with a worse orange teammate while packing up Donut's stuff after he "died".

@my-nerdy-shiny-self

Very Very Important: Church searches far and wide for a birthday present for Caboose.

@primtheamazing

Braid that Bitch: Kai wants her brother to braid her hair, just like old times.

@queseraawesome

An Errand in the Night: Maine makes a proposal to a friend for help on a project of his.

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News: The course of waking up from having your tonsils taken out never did run smooth.

@riathedreamer

Embers and Stars: Grif and Simmons go stargazing.

@what-happened-to-agent-georgia

Confessions of a Freelancer Reject: OhSherry. It’s the little things in life that keep Sherry going. The little things, and a little alcohol.

How it’s Done: Grif and Simmons are on their way back to the New Republic’s base from a supply run, and Grif is beginning to regret letting Simmons drive the Warthog. Simmons is driving so slow, Grif would almost—almost—rather get out and walk.

If You Like Strawberry Yoo-Hoos: Donut tries to find Sarge a date online… and the response is not what he was expecting.

@whatevertotesyourgoat

Let’s Ask the Mirror: Simmons practices asking Grif out in the mirror and gets caught.

@whimsical-writer

5 Things Part 2:  There's things Wash would never do for his team, but one thing he'd always do. There's so many things the Blues would do for Wash, but one thing they'd never do.

@winter-okami12

Little One: Blue Team finds a baby

@wordsysayswords

Train Tracks: Wash and Grif find themselves in a bind, and Wash really doesn’t have time for this conversation.

@yami-sama

The Name Game: Grif keeps giving fake names to Simmons the barista.

Mod Submissions: 

@a-taller-tale

Play Another One: Simmons plays the banjo for Grif

@goodluckdetective​

Bedtime is Never: Junior defended a kid at school, Tucker approves

Nursery: Grimmons have trouble with a realtor

@powerfulpomegranate​

Accidental Bedsharing: Tuckington, Tucker accidentally goes to the wrong room. 

Basketball: Junior and Tucker bonding. 

@secretlystephaniebrown​

Abundance: Grif ends up accidentally playing an important role in Wash's recovery.

Out of the Box: Wash has been rescued, but there are a few things he needs to deal with now.

Plenitude: Wash is now home, and trying to recover. But healing isn't always easy, especially not when his mind is fighting against him. Luckily, he's got help.

Two Hours Later: Tex waits for a rescue

[afterspark-podcast]

G1 Episode 18: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

S: Because, like, psychological horror could be interesting.

O: It could.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap of the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I'm Owls!

S: And I'm Specs!

O: And today we're going to be talking about episode number 18, The Immobilizer! Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Yeah.

O: And today, on show and tell--we mean The Transformers , Wheeljack wants to bask in his co-workers acclaim.

S: He has created the “Wheeljack Instant Immobilizer.”

O: That's a mouthful. Oh God! It abbreviates down to like, W-I-I, so it's the Wii? [Laughter]

S: As long as he copyrights it, they can't have the Wii in their universe, I guess.

O: [Laughter] I mean, it’s in the 80’s so it’s before the Wii came out. He theoretically could!

S: Yup. That, and I mean and it's maybe different enough that-

O: They wouldn't--yeah.

S: Have any issues.

O: Who knows!

O: [Laughter] Does Nintendo even exist in this world?  I don't know!

S: Who the heck knows?  Maybe, or maybe it's Mintendo.

O: [Snorts]

S: And everything would be just slightly to the left.

O: [Laughter]

S: The peanut gallery comes closer to witness the scientific marvel.

O: To show off Wheeljack's invention Hound makes a hologram of Laserbeak as a test subject.

S: I don’t know why they're doing a hologram. Would it freeze a hologram?

O: I don't know. I had that exact thought when we were watching it. Like, wait, is this even work or is Hound just going to simulate the--the effects? How does that work?

S: I feel like they didn't think this through. OK.

O: Do they think anything through?

S: I don’t know. And Spike calls him that, “Decepticon Dirty Bird Laserbeak” or the hologram.  He calls the hologram that.

O: Shut up, Spike.

S: And then Ironhide walks in, and Ironhide obviously wasn't briefed on any of this.

O: No, none of it!

S: So, Ironhide walks in, sees Laserbeak, and begins firing wildly in the main room with Teletraan 1,  knocking several of the stalactites down on top of his allies.   They didn't think this through.

O: Yeah, you--I feel like there should be like, I don't know, maybe a like, an Ark wide memo.  Hey we’re testing out some tech, don't freak out or something?

S: Yeah.

O: But no, no, we never think that far ahead.

S: Or going outside to test things.  Though we'll see that being a problem later.  Spike brushes himself off tells Ironhide, “It was a hologram, buddy.”

O: He brushes himself off really strangely too. Like, cuz it doesn't--he's not moving like, you would expect when you're dusting yourself off.  It almost looks like he's polishing something that isn't there.

S: Yeah, it's just weirdly animated.  To make it even better Ironhide makes perspective his bitch as he crosses in front of Spike, despite clearly being behind him--there's some scale issues, it's weird.

O: Yeah, me thinks they did not layer things correctly.

S: Yeah.

O: Ironhide, to his credit, is very apologetic and digs Wheeljack out of a pile of rocks.

S: Pile of rocks that Ironhide created, so like, let's be honest here--

O: [Laughter]

S: --and there's some weird spec--perspective issues here too.  Blah...

O: Yeah, there's just a lot of weirdness here.  Wheeljack’s invention was broken in all this chaos, so he sends Bumblebee and Spike into town to pick up a ‘polarizer.’

S: Yeah, yeah, sure, I'm sure you can just pick that up at the grocery store, buddy, or well, considering that we did research, maybe the camera store?

O: Yeah, a polarizer, I think when we looked up, was a camera piece but--but it does not look like a camera piece when Iron--agh--Wheeljack screws it on later.  So I'm not really sure if it even is remotely the same thing or if the writers picked a word at random that sounded good and sciencey!

S: I mean, how would you pick something up in town that is to scale with whatever the hell Wheeljack wants to use it for?

O:  Exactly!  Exactly. [laughter]

S: Who knows?

O: We cut to a scene of Bumblebee and Spike chillin’ in an arcade where Bumblebee is surrounded by a crowd of people playing a game that appears to be called ‘Robot Resource.’

S: [sighs] With a Spike looking like the hippest dude there.  He's just leaning up against that thing looking cool.

O: He has a giant alien robot as one of his best friends, can you really get any hipper than that?

S: Well, compared to everyone else in the crowd, not really.

O: No.

S: And here is where we meet Carly, our only human female main character in the series.  

[Sorry, guys we both completely blanked on Marissa, though it does seem like she’s not in it as much once she is introduced as Carly is in the first couple of seasons..  ~Owls]

O: It seems like Spike is smitten instantly, but Carly is much more interested in Bumblebee.

S: After introducing her to Bee, Spike is suddenly super, super interested in returning to the Ark with Wheeljack's, you know, shopping list thing.

O: I think he's jealous.  I think he's jealous what she wants to talk to Bee and not him.

S: He gets really...it seems like he gets bashful or something, I don’t know.

O: Yeah, I'm not really sure.

S: It’s not very clear.  There's only so much you can communicate with this badly animated episode.

O: Yeah, yeah.

S: And then Spike and Bumblebee leave the arcade through what must be an extremely oversized door.  Cuz, you know, Bumblebee fits perfectly.

O: Yup!  The arcade, uh, as we see when they step outside, is apparently called Robots Video Arcade.

S: Well, I guess they just really wanted to get into...all of the robot mania that must have happened when the Autobots and Decepticons turned up.

O: Oh my god, that absolutely would have been a fucking thing!  There would have been like, robots everywhere. I wonder if there would have been toys?  Would there have been knockoff toys? Would they, like, have tried to like contact the Autobots for licensing deals?  Somebody please write this, now I'm curious!

S: I don't know if they would have tried contacting them.  They probably wouldn't--well maybe, who knows?

O: Yeah, I think it depends on like, what company was doing it but now I'm just imagining like would you have some poor, like, lawyer trying to get a hold of the Autobots but they'd be--would they try to get a hold of the Cons?  Like, would--would actually, the Cons be okay with that if they were getting paid money? Like, it is a very good question!

S: Swindle would be the one who'd get in contact with them for the licensing whenever he showed up.

O: Yes.  I was gonna say, he's not there yet though, to our knowledge.

S: Oh, he's definitely not there yet.  He's still in robot prison.

O: Oh right, he's the one that was in robot--one of the ones that was in robot prison.

S: Well, personality store prison.

O: Eh, he’s in prison.  [laughter]

S: Yeah.

O: I dunno what he did to piss off Shockwave (presumably), but he did something!

S: I think Megatron’s the one he pissed off, I'm not sure but that--

O: That, that wouldn’t shock me.  Considering Swindle’s track record on pissing people off.

S: Yeah, I mean considering he sells his teammates--

O: We'll get into that later.  He co--Swindle shenanigans, if you will.

S: Yeah, eventually we will.  There are so many. And then Carly exits the arcade jumping into her magenta convertible to follow them and it's amazing.

O: [laughter] Carly is a badass!  She’s like, “All right! I'm just gonna follow you home then!”

S: Pretty much!  And meanwhile, Bumblebee drives like a goddamn idiot.  I'm surprised he hasn't accidentally killed Spike.

O:  [laughter] Oh, no, no, no, that was last episode!

S: Cuz he swerves out into traffic!  Like, I don't think he even stops--

O: Nope!

S: --at the end of the street, he's just like VROOM!

O: I think the better question here is--how is there no honking involved from the other drivers here?  If you driven, you make a mistake--people honk at you! Are these poor people just too used to crazy Autobot driving in their town now!?!

S:  Honestly, that's terrifying and it makes you wonder how the Autobots don't have an absolutely metric fuck ton of tickets.

O: I-I love some fanfic that like, um, they're just kind of the running joke is the Autobots pay all their tickets but the tickets are like, sent directly to the Ark because half the time the Autobots won't stop for cops.  Especially if your name is Sideswipe!

S: Yeah, either that or Sideswipe has like, a collection of five hundred and it his pride and joy or something?

O: Yeah, yes I like--either of those extremes are pretty good I think.  Um, however, Bumblebee is pulled over by a very scary cop. His face does not change for the entire shot!

S: And--and this is while--he’s--while Bumblebee is being pulled over, not once he's out of [the car.]

O: Yeah, yeah.

S: I feel like we should specify that.

O: Right.

S: But the man looks very caffeinated.

O: He’s got like, an open mouth- it just looks very, very strange.

S: They wanted to save some money.

O: I--that’s what I guess it was, but what kills me here is that the cop didn't even apparently stop them for reckless driving.  Which we've established Bumblebee was driving very recklessly but because Spike is too young to be driving.

S: And the thing is I don't think Spike is even in the driver's seat.

O: I couldn't remember if he was.

[While they’re driving Spike is in the passenger side, but he got in on the driver’s side.  ~Owls]

S: I think he’s actually in the passenger seat so basically Bumble--Bumblebee gets pulled over for not having anyone in the driver’s seat.

O: I don't know--he said--he says Spike was driving when he pulls him over so...

S: Maybe?  I could be very wrong.

O: Yeah, that's the reason the cop gives, that's all I'm getting at.

S: Yeah, let me see if I got a picture...no, I just got a picture of Bumblebee getting cut off by the police officer.

O: Right!  Right, because the cop totally cut him off when he got pulled over too.

S: Yeah, it looks like he's literally going to hit Bumblebee into the street sign.

O: [laughter]

S: Yeah...and then Bumblebee transforms to set the cop straight cuz there's this dialogue where Spike tells the cop about Bumblebee literally being an Autobot and the cop comes back with, “He's not a Bumblebee cuz he doesn't like, buzz or whatever.”

O: Or, “If it's a Bumblebee let me see him buzz or something,” and Bumblebee’s like, “Uh, maybe I can settle this without actually buzzing?”  [laughter]

S: Yeah…

O: To paraphrase.

S: And…

O: Ravage suddenly tackles Bee right the fuck out of nowhere.  Like, he's not been seen in this episode the entire time and just suddenly, Ravage!

S: How did no one notice this large metallic panther?

O: In all fairness, we've established Ravage can turn invisible--

S: Ohh…

O: --so maybe he was invisible in the background for some amount of time and carefully not stepping on people.

S: Yeah, well, I don't know, god. [sighs] Ravage clearly sticks some sort of device onto Bee and somehow no one notices.

O: No one notices!  Bee doesn't notice, Spike doesn't notice, nobody at the Ark notices.  It's visible on his fucking chassis, come on! Uh, then Spike and the cop actually use jumper cables by hooking it up to the cop car, uh, to shock Ravage to get him off of Bumblebee.

S: Somehow it actually gets referenced in one of the things that I--in one of the pieces of fanfiction we’re going to be recommending today.

O: Oh!  That's interesting.  Um, but to be fair, Ravage had already uh, done his goal.  He'd already attached the device to Bumblebee, so technically he did what he wanted to do.

S: Yeah, yeah.  He fulfilled all of his goals for the day, I guess.  And then the cop does mention that speed laws applies to Autobots too before he lets the two go on their way.  So maybe he did think they were going too fast?

O: But that is definitely not what he opened with.

S: Yeah.

O: Meanwhile, presumably, Carly’s gotta be lurking in the background somewhere because she's gonna show up later which is also kind of funny uh, assuming that she saw the entirety of this exchange.

S: I kind of like to imagine her having a camera or whatever.

O: [laughter]

S: She’s just taking--she’s doing Autobot sightings.

O: Oh, see I just like the idea of her kinda, like, squinting over her steering wheel like, “Did he just get attacked by a giant metal panther?”

S: Yeah…

O: Which is just amusing to me.

S: It is, and then, so once they return to the base Wheeljack does not give a fuck why they’re late, just that they are late.  And then he's like, “All right, back to the thing!”

O: Yeah, he screws on the polarizer they brought him and then he is ready to go, back right where he left off.

S: Pretty much, he's very--very goal-oriented.  He knows what his priorities are.

O: The device Ravage stuck to Bee turns out to be a camera, with Megatron and Starscream watching Wheeljack’s demonstration. WHHHHY!?!  Why was this even needed!?! Laserbeak goes in and out of the Ark--literally not figuratively--ALL THE TIME.

S: I imagine Laserbeak's got better things to do with this time.  I mean, he has to have better things to do with this time than following Bumblebee.

O: He’s on vacation?

S: He didn't want to miss a soap operas.

O: Ooh, a hundred percent believe Soundwaave would do this so Laserbeak could watch his soaps.  Headcannon accepted!

S: They also may have wanted a better vantage point than Laserbeak would be able to get while hiding, I don’t know.

O: Maybe, but considering what happens next, I'm not even sure if I think that makes sense, whatever. I--Laserbeak is at home watching a soap operas, change my--ehh, don't bother trying to change my mind this is what I believe.

S: And so, the Autobots roll out to go elsewhere for Wheeljack to test his invention, so they don't have a recurring, um, a recurring thing like what happened with Ironhide.

O Although, presumably sending a memo would solve this, but okay!  Uh, Ironhide is then stuck on watch duty once they arrive to wherever the fuck they are in the middle of the forest.

S: [sighs] Yeah...and then Wheeljack activates his device and freezes a waterfall.  And probably kills a bunch of fish.

O: Eh, I don’t know--like if they're just frozen in time then presumably they'd be unfrozen and be fine but I don’t--

S: Well--

O: --we never see them freeze a living [organic] thing.

S: The closest we get is when it happens to Wheeljack but the thing is it's not necessarily freezing things in time, it's freezing their molecules or their atoms or whatever they are.

O: Right, right, but I’m saying that like, I don't know what that looks like for them because it could just be that, oh, Transformers don't need to breathe and so Wheeljack is fine.  But it's like, is that why or does it freeze them in such a way where they're just basically held in stasis for an hour or whatever.

S: That's a good point, but if it freezes them and their bodies still need like, oxygen or whatever…

O: Then yes, we killed a bunch of fish.

S: Yeah, they're the real questions.

O: These are the real questions, that we're not going to get answers to.

S: Yeah.  They say this water is now harder than anything else they know.

O: Okay, but why?

S: Through the power of Wheeljack says so, that's why.

O: Of course!  Naturally, Brawn tries to punch it.

S: It's his way.

O: Of course it is.  Spike then ruins everything uh, stepping on the remote and activating the device once again but Wheeljack heroically tosses Spike out of the way and gets immobilized himself.

S: It wasn't even aimed low enough to actually hit Spike, but okay.

O: [laughter] Ratchet inspects Wheeljack by yanking on his head and then is like, “Oh no, we don't know how to reverse this.”

S: I'm sorry Ratchet, Wheeljack did not plan for reversing things apparently.  He didn't think this through very well.

O: Yeah, although also insert joke about, “Oh god, my husband.”  Um--

S: Yeah…

O: --Carly catches up and accidentally distracts Ironhide for long enough that the Cons are able to attack which further feeds into Ironhide's insecurities.

S: Which will magically dissipate after this episode ends, but I mean how did we not hear what the hell was going on with the Decepticons attacking?

O: I--like--you have a gia--you have multiple giant mechs. Uh, I think, you know Soundwave and Megatron obviously, in robot mode then they have three jets flying through the air.  So I don't know how you don't hear that!

S: Megatron demands the Immobilizer but Trailbreaker calls him a Mega-turkey.

O: That’s--that's not even a good insult.

S: it really isn't, but when are they?

O: They just keep using ‘turkey’ to insult Cons, how do they even know what turkeys are?

S: Maybe Sparkplug told them some human insul-insults and I don't know maybe they were around for Thanksgiving or something.

O: I'm still 90% certain they don't actually know what a turkey is.

S: Except maybe Hound, we did look up that thing on turkeys’ geographical range.

O: [laughter] So, for--for future reference uh, I think turkeys are mostly in the Midwest and the eastern parts of the United States, but there is one subspecies of turkey that can be found in Washington and Oregon.  So we were like okay, theoretically they could have seen a live turkey, I guess.

S: They could have possible hit a live turkey!

O: [laughter] That too!

S: It's the Rio Grande subspecies--

O: Or something like that.

B: Yeah.

O: Megatron orders an attack, the Autobots hide behind Trailbreaker’s shield, Starscream proceeds to run his mouth off (again) and then jumps in the air to attack the Autobots from above.

S: To combat this assault Sideswipe jumps into the air and tackles him.  Sideswipe was flying by the way.

O: Yeah, he does have a jetpack.  We've established that, that's fine.

S: Um-hm.  Causing his fire to go erratic and hit the Cons who scatter.

O: Sorry, causing Starscream’s fire to erratic--

S: Yes.

O: --and hit the Cons who scatter.

S: Yeah, and then the Decepticons take cover behind some trees.

O: Okay, I'm pretty sure they should not be fitting behind these trees as well as they are because those trees look huge.

S: When did we end up in the National Redwood Forest--or the Redwood National Forest?

O: I-I-apparently that’s where Wheeljack goes to test his dangerous inventions! [laughter]

S: Someone--

O: They drove all the way to California for this!

S: Why, WHHHHHY!?!

O: [continued laughter]

S: [sighs] And then Skywarp proceeds to shoot a ‘bouncer bomb’ that's basically...um, it basically turns this entire fight into a wacky pinball game as it ricochets around the field.

O: I'll have you know we did actual research on what the heck he said here because--and looked it up because I thought it sounded like ‘pulsar bomb’ and Specs thought it sounded like ‘cluster bomb’.  So according to the TF Wiki, it's a ‘bouncer bomb’ which is just as silly as you'd think.

S: It just bounce, bounce, bounce.  And Megatron gets so sick of this thing that he alts into his gun mode and Soundwave shoots him at it.

O: Insert your own joke here.  Of course, this also hits a tree knocking it over right on top of Optimus Prime, who just so happened to be holding the Immobilizer.

S: It looks as silly as it sounds.

O: It does, it's delightful!

S: Yeah, we got photos.

O: We did.

S: Um, and then Ironhide attempts to get the Immobilizer before the Cons do but gets shot by Megatron for his trouble.

O: Starscream grabs the Immobilizer. Ironhide shoots him hit--with the oil from his arms and he falls on his face.

S: And yet, the Immobilizer still just rolls right to Megatron because obviously that's where it wants to go.

O: Obviously!  Starscream yells that his telemeter has been damaged as he walks into trees over and over again after getting up.

S: I think it's telemetry.

O: Uh, was it?  Oh, I thought it said telemeter but, eh.

S: It might be…

O: Either telemeter or telemetry, I don’t know.

S: It doesn’t matter.

O: Because I looked it up.  ‘Telemetry’ actually is a real word.

S: Yeah.

O: But it's like, I think the act of reading or transmitting something.  So that's why I was like, okay is--did they say telemeter, and like telemeter’s supposed to be the part of their biology that does it?  I don't know.

S: Eh, I don't know, uh

O: Point of the fact is Starscream is screaming while walking into trees.  That's really all you know!

S: it's really goofy.

O: It's really goofy and delightful, yes.

S: And then Optimus points out that Megatron is losing his soldiers and Megatron says his soldiers don't matter as long as, “I get what I deserve!”

O: Speaking of which, at the exact moment Starscream makes his way over to the rest of the group of Cons, the water that they're all standing on unfreezes and washes them all downriver.

S: It's great.

O: It is amazing.

S: The Autobots proceed to head back to base, taking was still frozen Wheeljack--who at this point is being held by like, all the minibots.

O: [giggling] Yeah, you couldn't give it to like Optimus or something, no, no we got to make all the minibots carry him.

S: Yeah.

O: Back at base, Ironhide is whining about this being all his fault.

S: And Ratchet is not having any of his shit.

O: He also threatens to disconnect Ironhide’s synthesiser.

S: Um-hm.

O: Ironhide feels like he's too old to be useful and he says he's going into retirement.

S: What do retired Autobots do?  Do they yell, “Dagnabbit!” at I retired Decepticons?  Do they, do they sit on the front porch and wave, wave their fists angrily a young new Decepticon hoodlums messing around on their lawns?

O: Do they whack each other over the head with canes?  The world may never know!

S: Carly is joining in on this pity party, blaming herself and apologizing to Ironhide.  Cuz they took her back with them.

O: They did take her back with them.  Uh, which then Ironhide shows Carly around the base including their ammo storage area with a bunch of giant missiles.

S: Missiles we never see them use.

O: Missiles that don't seem to match the specs of any Autobot weapon we will ever see in this series.

S: I mean maybe those missiles that they had when they crashed that they can't use but…

O: Maybe?  It still just seemed weird that--that like, they walk into this room there's just a fuck ton of missiles?

S: Yeah.  Ironhide’s like, “We wish we didn't have them either.”

O: Yeah, which I mean, yeah?

S: Yeah, and then Carly just pockets a freaking grenade because--

O: Fuck yeah Carly!

S: --the girl knows what she wants.

O: She does!  And she wants to blow shit up.  Wheeljack finally unfreezes and worries that they'll be doomed if the Cons can figure out a way to make that effect permanent.

S: I guess Wheeljack knew that the thing wasn't permanent, so that's why he didn't care.

O: Yeah, probably, but he may have also still not known what it did to organic life which is why you don't want Spike to get hit?

S: Yeah.

O: I'm willing to bet a lot of money Wheeljack froze himself multiple times during that--making that damn thing to be honest.

S: Oh, probably.  Spike notices Carly is missing and he and Bumblebee go after her.

O: Carly is fucking amazing.  When we next see her she is in a boat in the middle of the ocean in scuba gear ready to storm the Decepticon base which would seem to suggest that:  One, their base is not that deep under water as she does not need deep diving gear and/or the writers have no idea what deep diving gear is. Pick one.  And that it isn't that far offshore as she is in a pretty small boat.

S: She's also wearing a full wet suit instead of like, a bikini or something--

O: Which is nice honestly!

S: Um-hm.  She's a prepared lady.

O: I like her.

S: Yep, and presumably that the Decepticons headquarters is just general knowledge...somehow.

O: Yeah, which is also pretty funny to be honest.  It's just like, do the fishermen of the area just know to avoid like this mile wide area around it?  And it's just like, don't look directly at the birds, don't look directly at the birds!

S: Yeah, either that or she is just enough--interested enough in Transformers that she's found all this shit out.

O: Which I would also believe to be honest.

S: Mm-hmm.  Soundwave notices her intrusion nearly immediately and sends Laserbeak after her.

O: And she actually put up a pretty good fight considering she had no weapons on her at the time.  Like, I think she beans Laserbeak, or tries to with her uh, scuba diving air supply?

S: Yeah, she has no--she gives no fucks.

O: She gives no fucks.

S: The Autobots are alerted to Carly's distress by the Sky Spy.

O: The Cons actually recognize Carly from the fight earlier in the day and assume the Autobots will send someone after her so they're basically holding her hostage.

S: Pretty much, pretty much.  Um, this ta--the Skyfire taxi service drops Ironhide off with Bumblebee and Spike so they can get Carly back together.

O: Underwater, uh, Carly's earlier placed bomb--because she's stuck one on the base--detonates and the Cons leave Carly in a room that is quickly filling with water.  Uh, but then Ironhide busts in and saves her.

S: Ironhide knows what he’s about.  And on the shore they meet up with Spike and Bumblebee, but Megatron appears and uses the modified Immobilizer on Ironhide, freezing him.

O: Optimus shows up and shoots Megatron.  Megatron falls over and Starscream declares himself the new leader.

S: It is funny.

O: It is very funny but Megatron is fine.  He just took one shot, you know compared to explosives that were uh, [clears throat] powerful enough to move an entire fucking planet.  Starscream, I think you're jumping the gun a bit here, AH HEM, pun intended. [laughter]

S: For some ungodly reason, Rumble has the Immobilizer remote and is controlling it.

O: I mean he's doing a good enough job I just think it's weird they handed it to him?

S: He looks so serious.

O: He does!  Autobots are being immobilized left and right, but Carly has a plan.

S: Always good to have a plan.  She gets Brawn to dig a tunnel underneath the Immobilizer with Jazz distracting the Cons with the powers of MUSIC!

O: [laughter] Really loud music.

S: Yeah.

O: Carly comes up from below, swaps two wires, and everybody unfreezes.

S: Needs to swap the polarity or something?

O: It’s--

S: I don’t know, it's like the positive and negative wires.

O: I don't know, it's literally like, the only two wires in there when she opens the damn thing, it's great.

S: Yeah. [sighs] Laserbeak attempts to recover the Immobilizer but Ironhide fights him off, redeeming himself. And I guess Laserbeak was done with his soaps at this point.

O: He must have been done with his soaps uh, when the Autobots win, Megatron throws an honest to god fucking tantrum.  It is amazing, but the Cons do retreat.

S: Yup.  Later in a blazing sunset Ironhide tells Prime that he's coming out of retirement, thus completing his character arc.

O: The like, one character arc he'll have in this series, I guess?

S: Yeah.

O: Wheeljack asks Carly how she figured out her brilliant strategy of swapping two fucking wires.

S: She spouts some technobabble and sh--we we find out that she's going to college at MIT.

O: Spike likes older women.

S: He does.

O: Spike asks Carly out for a chocolate soda.

S: Is that an egg cream?  Did he just ask her out for an egg cream?

O: Where do you even get those? [laughter]

S: Um, soda fountains, apparently.  I don’t know.

O: Where those things...where those still a thing in the 80’s?  Guys, guys, guys we weren’t born yet, where those still a thing in the 80’s!?!

S: I don’t know, I wanna know, um, we looked up--uh, we looked it up.

O: We looked up what a chocolate soda was, because we were like--is it an egg cream? And we don’t think it’s an egg cream, but-but is it an egg cream?  We-we have no idea.

S: Let me look up egg creams, but an egg cream is--

O: We did, we did, and it didn't look like it was the same thing because the recipes were different.

S: Well, it is a carbon--it's basically a carbonated chocolate milk.  I think that chocolate soda was basically an addition of ice cream.

O: Yeah, I think you--cause we--I read it and you were like, that's basically a shake.

S: Um, they leave immediately, jumping into Carly's car and riding off as the episode ends.

O: Join us next time in, “Dinobot Island, Part 1.”  Buckle up for Dinobots, dinosaurs, prehistoric islands, and time travel.  Woohoo! [laughter] It's gonna be a ride.

S: Yeah.

O: My dear Specs, what is our fanfic for today?

S: Okay, so we have two Carly based fanfiction recommendations for today.

O: Woo!

S: The first is, He Will Meet No Suave Discussion by ShadowShock.  Uh, G1 cartoon, rated K+, Gen, no pairings.  Uh, Characters are: Carly, Chip, Wheeljack, various Autobots, and Ravage.  And in summary, ah, “Don't mess with Chip!”

O: [laughter]

S: And our theme for this one or character rec is: Carly being a badass.

O: Carly is lovely.

S: And it's a one shot.  And our second-second one is Fifty Dollar Data Plan by Retrolex and it's G1 cartoon continuity, rated T for teens, Gen, no pairings.  Carly--and the characters are Carly and various Autobots. And in summary, “Time to upgrade that data plan, Carly.”

O: Because like, remember this is like, the 80’s, or possibly the 90’s when they're writing this and like, you have a bunch of robots that can freely submit info--you know--transmit information--

S: Freely text.

O: Yes.

S: Freely text.

O: You know what the--do you remember what data plans were like in the 90’s?  They were not good. [laughter]

S: Yeah, and I think the opening line in it is, “Did you know, that texts from giant robots count as long distance?”

O: [laughter]

S: It’s something like that, it’s something like that.

O: Something like that.

S: It's great, and um, basically our theme for that is: Carly!  And it's a one-shot.

O: I've actually read this one it's very short but it is quite funny.

S: It is, it's basically Carly recounting a whole bunch of text messages she's gotten from giant robots.

O: Which is a great--just-just a good premise, come on.

S: Um-hm, and basically bemoaning the fact that she'll probably be broke for the next year.

O: Forever!  Yeah.

S: And that just about wraps it up for us today.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast such as AO3, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few.  Till next time I’m Specs!

O: And I'm Owls!

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music]