#but they do need to go to Chopper a little ashamed about fucking up the protection

[phoenixyfriend]

God I know Zoro is commonly understood as gay, but there is such a strong energy in me for Zoro/fem!Sanji with nigh-identical dynamics to canon, equally as bitchy and rivals and all that, just with an added risk of having to go to Chopper with a bun in the wrong kind of oven.

(Though tbf, manga Zoro is just really demi/gray-ace and could be bi, and also it's a possibility for trans man Sanji, so it doesn't even need to be a genderbend, fem!Sanji just the conversation that the groupchat was having when I started Thinknig…)

Sorry I am weirdly obsessed with pregnancy AUs

I do not have the energy to jump fandoms again, but I need to read some "Sanji and Zoro have to go to Chopper for an Incident" one-shots.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Otonokoji’s Kryptonite: Part 2.

Uuuugh...*SPLUTTER!*

*Kanade, after having been knocked flying, lands and rolls along the top of the FF trucks. Kaede also crashes down on the same truck, and stands upright, ready for another round of punishment.

Can’t help but point out that you’re much stronger than you were before...You needed your friends then, but now you’re taking me on on your own?

I’m not ashamed to rely on my friends...

Ngh...Attacking me isn’t gonna save Hibiki OR your friends! And it sure isn’t gonna bring your little bear friend back! Why are you even fighting me at this point!?

Because...you are the exact type of human being that Monodam despised...Selfish...unruly...and always taking things too far.

Which is why I need to wipe you out...you and all your kind...!

Hehehe...There is no one quite like me...

There are MANY people that are EXACTLY like you...and none of you deserve to exist and thrive while the good people suffer...! So I’m going to bring them all down, STARTING WITH YOU!

You really think you’ve got me beat!? 

I’M NOT DEAD YET, YOU IMBECILE!

I’m gonna enjoy this you FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH!

*CLASH!* 

GRGH! DRUGH! RAGH! NAGH! HURAAGH! GRGH! RUGH! NRAGH! RAAH! HAYAAGH!

*SHING!* *SLASH!* *CLASH!*

Alright, I’m going down!

404, are you sure about this!?

Kaede needs my help! Shuichi, you stay here, you can’t fight Otonokoji!

Right! Himuro, please try and keep pace with them!

Hmph! Can’t believe I’m taking orders from a brat...

Catch ya later! HUP!

*SLAM!*

*Rantaro leaps from the chopper and lands on the trucks, parkouring his way over to the girls, who continue to lay waste to each other!

HRRRRUGH! 

*SLASH!* 

Gugh!?

*WHAM!*

AAGH!

*Kanade knocks Kaede off balance with her hatchet, and then kicks her in the stomach, knocking her back onto the truck behind her! Kaede recovers, then stands up to face her opponent again, but sees that she has vanished.

Wha-!? Where did she go-

UP! ABOVE YOU!?

!!!??

RAAGGH!

*SMAAAAAAASSSHH!*

GRAAAAGH!

*Kanade dives from above, and slams on top of Kaede! The impact causes them to crash through the roof of the truck, and into the trailer where several FF soldiers immediately panic and try to back away to safety!

*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCHHH!!*

NRRRRRAAGGH! RAGH!

GRGH!

Grgh! Everyone, get behind me!

*Kaede and Kanade wrestle, as Kanade tries to push the blade of her chainsaw closer to Kaede’s neck. Kaede knocks her off and continues to attack her. Rantaro jumps through the hole in the roof, and covers the FF soldiers in a forcefield using his Matrix.

Rantaro! Everyone, move out of the way!

Wha-!?

*SLAM!*

GUGH!

*WHACK!*

AGH! Huh!?

Rrrrrgh!

*WHOOSH!* *BAAANG!*

AAHAAAGH-

*SMAAAAAAASSHHH!*

Hey Hey HEY HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

*Rantaro reacts fast enough, as Kaede tosses Kanade into the room, knocks her back, and then flies forward, ramming into her and sending them both crashing through the passenger seat of the truck behind him, straight into the trailer of that truck! The FF soldiers in the truck panic as the two girls suddenly drop in!

Don’t try and stop me Rantaro! Hrgh!

*After shouting this back through the hole she made, Kaede throws her spear and controls it to slice the back of the truck off.

EVERYONE GET OFF THE TRUCK!

*The soldiers don’t have to be told twice, as they tuck and roll to safety!

RAAGGH!

GUHUGH!

*Kanade runs forward and rams Kaede in the gut with her fist!

*BRUMRUMRUMURUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUM!!!*

NGAGH!

*Kaede desperately grabs the chainsaw with her hands and tries to push it back, as Kanade lunges and lands on top of her after she falls down!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!

You think what I did to the BEAR was bad!? THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING!

When I’m through with you, I’M GONNA DECAPITATE EVERYBODY YOU LOVE! YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR MENTOR, YOUR BOYFRIEND AND EVERYONE ELSE YOU HOLD DEEEAARR!

THIS IS THE PRICE YOU PAY! KAAAEEEDEEEE AAAAAKAAAAMAAAAATTSSUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

NGGGH! Heh...Big words...

For someone who can’t even stand up...!

...What-

*KER-SLAAAASSSSSSHHHHH!*

Heh...!

...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!

*Failing to realize that Kaede did not recall her spear after throwing it...Kanade screams in pain, as the spear flies backwards in it’s kill mode, and SLICES HER LEG OFF!

HRAAGGH!

DUUHUUGH!

*Kaede reels back and kicks Kanade in the stomach and sends her flying out the back of the truck!

*CRASH!*

Rrggh...!

*A Future Foundation car that follows the transit from behind is caught unpleasantly off guard when Kanade crashes into the front window. The impact also dislodges the hood, exposing the engine.

Kanade!? What happened!?

Kanade: Th...The bitch...SHE CUT OFF MY LEG!

She did WHAT!?

!!!??

Kanade: Shirogane! who the FUCK am I FIGHTING, because it’s clearly not the same person you were telling me about!

No...Even if she’s like this, Akamatsu is still Akamatsu.

What do we do?

*Tsumugi grabs the microphone.

Kanade! Take a hostage! She won’t be able to do anything if you threaten to take someone’s life!

...Hostage huh...! Ok then...

*Kanade suddenly leans on her now missing leg, and rips off the boot of the car she’s on. Taking a hint, the transit comes to a stop, as does everything else.

...

HEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAH!

*SMASH!* *SMASH!* *SMASH!*

!!??

!!??

*FWOOM!*

*Sora and Kaede watch in surprise, as Kanade suddenly starts hacking at her guitar with her hatchet! She destroys the main body of the guitar, until spontaneously combusts.

...

*With a grim smile, she holds the flaming guitar over the engine...

Oh no...

 Last chance Akamatsu...Back away, or else I light these boys up!

Are you insane!? You’ll kill yourself too!

Hmph! Small price to pay if it means I can put you in your place!

...Small price to pay indeed...

Huh...!?

Burn Bullet...here goes...!

*CHUNK!* *WHIIIIIRRRR!*

Wait...HUH!?

No! Kaede, don’t you dare!

*As she powers up her bullet in hacker mode, Kuripa and Munakata arrive in a vehicle. At the same time, Nico lands the chopper nearby.

Akamatsu! What the hell are you doing!?

*WHHIIIIIIIIIIIRRRR!!*

HAH! HAHAHAH! Yeah right! We both know that you aren’t gonna do it!

*WHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRR!!!*

KAEDE!

D-Don’t fuck around! You’ll kill your own guys! YOU’LL KILL YOUR ALLIES, don’t you get that!?

*WWHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRR!!!!!*

No...STOP! DON’T!

*WWHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRR!!!!!*

I SAAAAIIIDD STOOOOOOOOOOOOO-!

*POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!*

Soldiers: EVADE! EVAAAAAAAADDEE!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-!

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!*

!!!???

!!!???

!!!???

!!!???

*Before Kanade has a chance to ignite the engine and explode the car, Kaede shoots at the engine with a full powered burn bullet and does it for her! The soldiers leap out of the car doors just as the bullet makes contact, and due to the hacking guns power, the blast is immense! Kanade rockets into the air as a ball of fire before coming crashing down to the ground again.

Did...Did she really just-!?

No! NO! This isn’t right! This isn’t how it’s supposed to go!

Akamatsu...She’s crazy! Coco Pops level crazy!

Yeah...She doesn’t care how many people get hurt or killed here so long as Kanade is one of them...

*Tsumugi grabs the microphone.

...!

*STOMP!* *STOMP!* *STOMP!*

!!!???

*Kanade’s eyes dilate in terror, as Kaede holds her spear and walks towards her, her weapon set in kill mode at max power.

Oh...You’re still alive...Lucky you...

You...You’re batshit crazy!

Pot-onokoji calling Otono-kettle black there...

Tsumugi: Kanade! Listen to me, you need to-

*FZZZT!*

!!!??

...

*Tsumugi speaks in the earpiece, but before she can finish, Kaede rams the spear forward and destroys it...!

I had a feeling that Tsumugi was acting Oracle for you this whole time...

Word of advice...Don’t trust a single word that that bitch says about me...She acts like she knows the ins and outs of my true nature, but she knows NOTHING...!

Heeeh....Ngh...!

I bet she told you things like how I don’t make sacrifices...or how I refuse to kill as it goes against my better judgement. Now...usually this WOULD be the case...

Except for one thing...

!!!??

*Kanade flinches, as Kaede bows down.

Kanade Otonokoji...you have made me very...very...very...

VERY...ANGRY...!

And you know, I don’t think I’ve ever BEEN this angry before...! And now, as the one who murdered my best friend...You have to bare the brunt of this rage...!

*She leans in even closer, her voice becoming raspier and more and more malicious.

How does that make you feel, you oh-so perfect girl? 

Threatened?

Humiliated?

...Scared...?

Heeegh!?

HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!!??

*The purest form of fear and terror evident in her eyes, Kanade screams and desperately tries her damndest to crawl away from Kaede, her fingernails getting dirty from scratching at the ground! Meanwhile...Kaede raises her weapon...!

SUFFER FOREEVEEEEEEEEEERRR!

NOO! 

KAEDE, DOOON’T!

*SLLLAAAAAAASSSHHH!*

[disgruntledspacedad]

Better Love Notes

If you’re confused about location, timing, or characters in my Narcos AU series Better Love, this is the post for you.

Better Love is an AU reader insert series that begins midway through Narcos season two. Because it is AU, and because Narcos is complicated af anyway, I wanted to take some time to clarify what things in Better Love will be different than what you're used to seeing in the show.

Hannah “Ears” Aarons

First, I think it’s important to clarify that Ears is more of an OC written in second person than she is a generic reader insert. I might refer to her as “you,” but Ears has a name, a face claim, a backstory, and a huge personality. If that bothers you loads, I totally understand and you’re free to duck out at any point, but don’t come at me. If you have specific questions regarding Ears’ background, personality, physical appearance, family history, or whatever else, get with me privately. I would love to introduce you to my chaotic sunshine child.

Official Job Title: Ears is officially an employee of the CIA, but she is not an agent (read: spy). She was brought to Colombia to be a liaison between Centra Spike, the DEA, and the CIA. She introduces herself to Search Bloc by saying, "I'll be your ears," but in reality, she was put in place to be Bill Strechner’s ears. More on that later. She has a background with the US Army that's basically useless (desk job), a ton of training and zero practical experience with flyover recon and radiofrequency tracking, and she's itching to do something real with her life.

Timing

Ears arrives in Bogotá around August of 1992 and falls in bed with Peña pretty much immediately. Horacio Carillo did die recently, but Javi did not start working with Los Pepes and Don Berna until November of 1992. Assume all of the drama with Martinez Jr. and Los Pepes took place around the time that he and Ears were on the outs - that's just another factor that led Javi to make the emotional, rash decision to work with the cartels that he winds up regretting.

There is actually a one year span of time between season two, episode six and the end of the show. Pretty much the entirety of Better Love (for now) takes place during this year, so if it seems like I’m really stretching things out, that’s actually because the show mushed it all together. I promise, guys, I have done my research here.

Locations

The majority of scenes in Better Love will take place in Bogotá, the capital city of Colombia. It’s important to keep Bogotá separate from Medellín, which is where the nit and grit of the hunt for Escobar takes place. 

Getting to Medellín from Bogotá requires a one hour flight or an eight hour drive (Colombia is roughly twice the size of Texas, fyi). For a gringo, driving around the cities was dangerous, but driving outside the cities was suicide. Javi and Steve might take planes, or they might take an armored chopper, depends on my mood when I'm writing. Assume there's a landing strip nearby the embassy, because I'm lazy like that.

The U.S. Embass(ies): Centra Spike, Search Bloc, and the DEA office are all housed in the old embassy building that's basically right across from the new one (the super upscale nice one that actually functions as an embassy). 

There's a lot of confusion and shuffling around in the show, so I wanted to clarify what goes where (also, the real Murphy and Peña had offices in the old, unused embassy, so this is sort of legit). For simplicity's sake, I am assuming that CNP (Colombian National Police) headquarters are also in or nearby this building. Ears might refer to "headquarters," "the office," or "the embassy," and it's all the same place. Basically, everything is centrally located in Bogotá, and when I refer to “the DEA office,” or “Javi’s office,” picture it from season one - two desks that are not shoved on top of each other, with glass windows and real filing cabinets. The CIA is also located here, as is Strechner's office and the fabled White Room.

These buildings are in Bogotá, nearby Peña’s and Murphy's apartments. I will differentiate between the New, Swanky, Functional U.S. Embassy by capitalizing it and giving it its full title. If I say “embassy,” assume I’m talking about the older one where Javi and Ears are based.

The Carlos Holguin School: This is the base of Search Bloc operations in Medellín, and the primary location that we see in season two of the show. Think of it almost as a military base - training grounds, barracks, bare-bones, no a/c, shitty food. Javi and Steve often stay at "the school" overnight while conducting operations in Medellín. They might also refer to this as “camping” or “the camp,” or “base.” It sucks balls. This is where Javi and Steve have their messy, shoved on top of each other desks that we tend to associate with the show. Javi and Steve still work from here just as often as we see in canon, there just won’t be as many scenes in this location because Ears is never there. 

Javi’s apartment: Javi and Steve primarily live in Bogotá. This is the same apartment building that you see in season one, with the big steps in front of the building and then an even larger set of stairs inside. There is also a big set of stairs on the back end of the building that leads to an underground parking garage (we see this in the season one finale, where Steve gets snatched by Navegante). This building is a five minute walk to the U.S. Embassy, but Javi and Steve mostly chose to drive for safety and convenience. It’s in a pretty decent part of Bogotá. There is one small canon deviation in regards to the apartments: in Better Love, Javi lives upstairs, across from Steve’s front door instead of below him like we see in the show. They share a large front landing. I just really liked the idea of Javi having a view of the city from his bedroom window.

Ears’ apartment: Ears lives in a tiny little flat on top of a drug store, a place that she found on her own through the friend of a work friend. It’s also in a decent part of Bogotá, but not quite as safe or upscale as Javi’s. It’s about a ten minute hike from the embassy and fifteen minutes from Javi’s place.

Miscellaneous 

CIA/DEA Collaboration: The relationship between the CIA and the DEA in Colombia was not pretty. The show makes it look like a personal conflict between Strechner and Peña, but in reality, it was so much deeper than that. These two organizations have opposing goals, and communication and sharing of information was a real problem. Basically, they squabble more than they collaborate, and there was a lot of backstabbing, underhanded fuckery, and generally getting in each other's way. Naturally, this is going to create tension between Ears and Javi.

Bill Stechner: The show makes it clear that Bill doesn’t give a shit about Escobar or the cartels except in regards to the power dynamics they create, but let me reiterate here - his primary goal in Colombia is to keep it from becoming a communist state. That’s all he wants.

OC Sicarios: Don't get Velasco (canon sicario) mixed up with Verdugo (my OC sicario). They are different characters. Verdugo is the guy who features in The Rules of Engagement. 

Feo is another sicario who is an OC. More updates on him later.

Canon Deviations in Better Love

Series spoilers from this point on. I’m going to take it fic by fic, so if you haven’t read something and don’t want to be spoiled, stop at the bold print. Again, Better Love is super fucking plotty, so I thought it was only fair to give you guys a reference sheet. Lord knows I need one, too.

The Rules of Engagement: Introduces Ears. Horacio Carillo did die recently, but Javi’s role in his death is undetermined/not mentioned. Javi does start working with Los Pepes during Rules, but only after he and Ears have their fallout. All of the bullshit with Martinez Jr. and the Castaño brothers takes place during the time that Javi and Ears aren’t speaking.

Aftershocks: Establishes with certainty that Javi is working with the cartels. His primary contact with Los Pepes is Don Berna. This is going to be critical later. Also establishes that Don Berna has more connection to the Cali cartel than he does in canon. 

Yours: Establishes that Connie Murphy is a badass biker bitch with a heart of gold, because I think the show did her dirty. She loves Steve and Steve loves her. Ears and Stechner get to know each other a little better, and Javi doesn’t like this one bit. Ears starts thinking about a leak in Search Bloc, and how dangerous that might be for Javi.

Bang: Javier Peña gives Ears a shady ass, probably trafficked gun for her protection. We don’t know details of where he got it. Solidifies the bro/sis relationship between Steve and Ears. Implies heavily that Javi is doing some shady things with some shady folks. A light introduction to the theme of weapons trafficking in Colombia, which was a massive problem that is barely even mentioned in the show. It will feature heavily in Better Love.

The Shoebox: Introduces the character of Arturo, Ana Delgado’s shady older brother. Ears starts wondering if Ana knows more than she should. Confirms that the Fernando Duque arc does take place in Better Love, and that Javi is genuinely torn up by it like he is in canon. This leads Ears to start thinking more deeply about that leak in Search Bloc, and she begins to actively collect evidence with the intention of sniffing out the rat and keeping Javi safe. Mentions sex trafficking, a major problem in Colombia at the time, and also a minor theme later on in Better Love.

Shit Hits the Fan: Establishes that Arturo Delgado is actually a hitman working with Los Pepes, and that he and Javi have gone on some raids together. Javi is desperate to keep this a secret from Ears, who is friends with Ana, both for her protection and because he’s kind of ashamed of how deep he’s in with Los Pepes. Establishes that in the wake of the Ferando Duque debacle, the Castaño brothers did not reach out to Stechner for help, but instead decided to put a hit out on Javi to either kill or scare him off. Javi is no longer working with Los Pepes, but he never did find out that Stechner was the one who set him up in the first place.

The White Room: Bill Stechner reveals to Ears that her purpose in Colombia is to be his own personal spy on the DEA. He is investigating a mysterious sicario named Feo in relation to a massive russian weapons ring. Bill wants Ears to report everything that the DEA learns about Feo because he suspects that Feo might have connections with FARC, a communist guerrilla group that is Stechner’s public enemy number one. Ears realizes that she’s in deep shit, and also realizes the depth of the resentment between the DEA and the CIA, and how much their goals in Colombia actually oppose. Stechner is revealed to be a real bag of dicks here.

Closing notes

Whew, okay. I will update this post periodically if more information becomes necessary or if you guys have questions, and I’ll reblog it if I do. I’m going to go ahead and tag my taglist folks in this, just because it’s a huge information dump. Of course, you probably don't need to know these things to get the gist of what’s going on in Better Love, but if you’re a chronic overanalyzer like me, it might be helpful. 

Also, let me know if you guys want a list of the characters who are major players in the series. I know I had to make one for myself but I wasn’t sure if posting it would be overkill (this is probably already overkill, tbh).

Tags: @jedi-mando, @aerolanya, @pikemoreno, @bitchin-beskar, @mostly-megan, @huliabitch, @starsandmando, @starlight-starwrites​, @thirstworldproblemss, @knittingqueen13, @yespolkadotkitty

Javier Peña tags: @magpie-to-the-morning, @tiffdawg, @danniburgh, @1800-fight-me

Mad love to you guys if you’ve stuck around for this long.

[demonofthechili]

Adler x OC - Grown Regret

A/N: Enjoy Adler revealing how he acquired his scar while dealing with a miriad of issues. It's a long one, but one that I've had cooking for a bit!

T/W: PTSD (implied/mentioned), Vietnam (spoken about), Adler crying!

---

Upon seeing some items that weren't hers laying in her kitchen on the counter, Tex wasn't as alarmed as she probably should have been; her instinctual thought was that Woods, who had a spare key, had decided to crash at hers as a surprise for when she got back from her meeting with Hudson.

Of course, however, there was the possibility that Adler, who also had a spare key, was the culprit... but Tex reasoned that it was highly unlikely. After all, he was the type to prefer knocking over entering unannounced, let alone while she was out.

Tex removed her shoes and placed them neatly by the front door, shrugging off her jacket to hang up before making her way across the open planned kitchen and living room, heading to her bedroom.

The door was ajar, making her pause in thought (how should she enter?), before her hand grasped the handle and she stepped inside, ready to crack a joke. What she saw took her entirely off guard and ripped the words from her mouth.

Sat on the edge of her bed, a drink in one hand and cigarette in the other, was Adler; his hair was slightly disheveled, shoulders dropped, and he was hunched over as his gaze, hidden behind his sunglasses, looked up to her in silent recognition.

"Adler?" She asked after a moment of silence, brows tightly furrowing, "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," He replied in the usual matter of fact way he tended to speak, glass raising to his lips so he could take a sip. Yet, despite his bravado, Tex felt something was incredibly off.

"How long?"

"If I'm honest with you, I'm not sure," He raised his cigarette next, taking one last drag before stubbing it out into the ashtray that was propped on the bed beside him, "Where have you been?"

"Hudson," Spoken as she moved to pick up the ashtray and sit in its place, setting the item onto her bedside table, "Why were you waiting?"

"Well-"

"Have you been drinking?" She cut him off, suddenly smelling the familiar scent. It wasn't intense by any means, which was a good sign. Her eyes glanced to the glass in his hand.

"A little," He nodded, taking a quick sip to prove his point, just in case there was any doubt, "How was it? As riveting as usual?"

"Yeah," Tex worked on removing her watch, setting it aside as he closely watched, "It was the same-old shit. A little argument, we came to an agreement, I'll be getting a call in a few days - - that doesn't answer why you were waiting for me."

Adler was quiet for a long moment, as he sometimes did mid-conversation when in thought, and merely watched as she slid off her mustard yellow turtleneck. Behind tinted lenses he observed the jagged scar that traced her neck, the one she hid daily and so adamantly wanted to keep concealed.

He recalled when she had confided in him how she had acquired it; a calm night, much like this one, and her somewhat drunken hands had unbuttoned the top few buttons of the shirt she had been wearing.

He knew of her injury, after all he did visit her while she was hospitalised, but he had never actually seen it until that point. She felt ashamed, weak, that it broadcast her failure... everything he thought about himself, though tried so forcefully to keep down.

The same man who had to be held back when she (trying not to hit a nerve) jokingly asked about his fresh facial scars, was the one she so willingly trusted to keep her story and the night to himself.

It was a resonating moment, one that had filled him with a slowly mounting guilt.

Was he a bad guy?

"I've been thinking," He began, waiting until she placed her turtleneck aside. "About the past... about us."

Her movements stilled, brown eyes fluttering from his tinted lenses to his glass of alcohol; a sudden shift in her demeanour accompanied her slow, knowing exhale and stiff posture.

He was thinking of the past, about them, about the hard times, the bad times, the times he so vehemently dismissed as simply having happened: he did all of this whilst drinking. A deadly combination that Tex knew all too personally.

"You've had enough," She finally stated matter of factually, hand reaching across to take the glass from him.

His hand reached out and abruptly gripped her wrist to still her attempt to take his drink; it wasn't a harsh, painful grab by any means, and served only to firmly stop her.

"I'm fine, Tex."

Fingers, which had curled into a fist involuntarily upon his grabbing, stretched back out, and she ever so slightly pushed against his hold towards his glass.

"Hey," Her voice grew low, intimately tuned to him and him only, as if the furniture would be able to hear. "Friend to friend, alcoholic to non-alcoholic, Jessie Gibbons to Russell Adler... you do not need the drink. It won't help your thoughts. It won't help you. Let's just talk it through," A pause. Nothing. "Trust me, Russell."

Adler relented at her words after a silent few seconds, releasing her wrist and handing her the glass. He watched as she placed it out of reach and then returned to his side, placing a supportive hand atop his shoulder.

"What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Back when you asked me about my scar," His beginning was met with a tightening on his shoulder and speculating gaze. He moved his head to look at her eye to eye, "How I reacted... why haven't you asked since?"

Feeling very suddenly thrown in front of a firing squad, Tex waited for a punchline or anything to prove this was a joke. When that didn't come, she swallowed thickly.

"Considering how we left it? I figured it better not to ask. Clearly a touchy subject, no matter how much you may trust me. Or not trust me."

As she spoke, he placed his head into his hands, quickly putting a stop to that possibly telling behaviour to instead run a hand through his hair, "I--"

For the first time since they had met, Tex found herself witnessing Adler being genuinely speechless. There was an aura of something unidentifiable about him. If she had to guess, it would be shame or dispair.

"I'm sorry about what I did and said back then. No matter the risks I was facing, you didn't deserve that from me."

"It's exactly the issues you were facing that make it okay, Russell. I overstepped my boundaries. I'm sorry for that."

"That's another thing I've been thinking about. You told me how you got that," He gestured to her neck, "When you had every right to do the same thing I did to you. Why?"

"Oh, well, because I-" Cutting herself off before anything regrettable could be uttered, she drew in a breath, "-because I trust you. You may be a wooden bastard sometimes, but you're alright."

The smile and chuckle that left her made Adler's heart sting. The guilt he was already feeling from years of thought and consideration grew tenfold. Before he knew it, the familiar sting hit his eye; it wasn't because of a punch this time, so he decided to do his best and hold it back for as long as he could.

To top it off, he felt the distancing and dissociative feeling that came with remembering vivid details of such events.

"We were in Saigon investigating rumours concerning Perseus in the area. Our deployment there was to be short, which meant that we were strapped for time following the lead."

His words were a strange mixture of hollow and heavy, defeated, even. Tex had seen it all too often, had even had it herself; reliving such a traumatic event was rough on even the most iron willed of men.

Her hand slid from one shoulder to the other, effectively side hugging him, as the other came to rest on his forearm, "You don't need to tell me."

"I know," He confirmed, tearing his eyes from her to stare ahead. He reached up to remove his sunglasses, resting his elbows on his knees, and then allowed his revealed blue eyes to focus onto her again, "We followed a path that had regular patrols, and found ourselves in the middle of a Vietcong ambush a few miles in. With no other option, we called for support; men had already died, so we saved who we could and loaded them onto two choppers."

Oh. She could see where this was going. The familiar knot formed in her stomach. She too had lived through similar situations, and she too had to live with the knowledge that she lived when others were more deserving.

"What we didn't see was that Charley had an RPG. He hit the other chopper, and it collided with us. There's the usual spinning and bracing, and then it goes blank for a while. I remember pain, but they kept me out of it until I was taken back to America. That's when I was told about my eye among other damages. I truly believed I... I wouldn't be here and that my life was over."

"Adler," She whispered with a frown, watching a stray tear escape his glazed over eyes. Her hand left his bicep to wipe it away, "It's okay to cry in front of me. To be sad. I know how you feel, and I'm so fucking sorry that, for however long, you've felt like you owe this to me. You don't. You owe me jack shit. But... I hope you feel more complete, telling someone."

Another tear fell, one that Adler acknowledged this time around; he reached up to gently grab her hand as she went for the fresh tear, leading it away from his face so he could lean in and rest his head in the crook of her neck.

Still for a moment in shock, the hand upon his shoulder shifted to rest on the back of his head, lightly playing with his hair, and she drew in a silent breath, "It's okay, Russell," Soothing voice accompanied the tight gripping of his hand, "I've got you."

[randomoneshotsblog]

𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟮 (𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹)

Summary: Y/N is sent for the fight with Simmons but things didn't go as she expected.

Warning: none (RE6 Leon)

Words: 1842

Author's note: I know it took a long time but here it is 🤗 sorry if there are any typos

LEON POV (1 hour ago)

I lost her. I can't believe it.

My breath gets heavy and I fall on the ground, hugging my knees. I'm done, destroyed.

Helena gets closer, extending her hand.

"Leon, it's okay. Everything's gonna be okay." I step away from her touch, dumbfounded with what I just heard.

"Okay? It's not okay! I just lost my fucking girlfriend! And you're saying it's okay?!" I scream getting up while tears stream down my face. Helena jumps with my voice. I turn around, my back facing her and I raise my hand to my forehead.

"My life don't have sense anymore." I whisper. I feel hand on my shoulder. I turn around, revealing Helena with a sad and gently look.

"No, your life has sense. I believe her, you said yourself that she cheats death like anyone. Even if I can't guarantee that, have hope. Like Chris said, they haven't found a body. Maybe she got out of there before they appeared." I stare at her.

I dry my tears and follow my way, Helena behind me.

I keep going like nothing happend, saying nothing. I can see the Tower this way.

"If he really killed her, he's gonna pay." I think while we go towards the Towel. A silence falls on us. I prefer this way. Along the way I just keep thinking of her.

"I hope you didn't go so soon, my love." A few tears fall but I dry them.

We arrived at the elevator. I stare at the world down at us, on flames. I dont know what to think anymore. I feel like I lost a part of my heart, of my soul.

"You really love her, don't you?" Helena asks by my side. I turn my head and give a weak smile.

Suddenly, an explosion happens, that makes the elevator go far.

"Great!" I say, running towards the other elevator. We jump and fall to the other one but it's ready to fall as well. We take its rope and start going up.

While we go up, I hear an explosion from the other side and I see Simmons above the elevator. It seems like Simmons is after someone, but who?

The person is soon revealed when they jump to another surface.

I let out a relieved smile. She's alive.

"Helena, look!" I call her attention. She stops climbing and looks behind.

"I told you she was alive." She says letting out a laugh.

"She cheated death again." I say smiling. We keep climbing, me keeping an eye on Y/N.

I see a surface, Helena jumps on it and I do the same.

"Let's help her!" I say, seeing that she's limping and needing help. I hit him with a few rifle shots. Simmons returns to his human form and Y/N goes above him.

"That's my girl." After a few minutes, the surface falls and we're back climbing. I look down and see Simmons coming towards us ready to attack.

I try to dodge a few attacks, I hear Y/N shooting from the other side.

"Not him!" I hear her say in the earpiece. We climb the rope faster while Simmons falls and falls.

He gets out of the wall and goes towards Y/N. Oh no! He knocks her down making her hit her head. I hear a scream of pain. Her eyes aren't open. She tries to crawl backwards but gives up.

"Y/N!" I scream for her. "Helena cover me." I say jumping to the other surface that leads me to her.

I get closer to her, and I put her head on my thigh. I check her thigh. A bandage, that's why she's limping. Poor baby, she's done.

"Babe, please, stay with me." I say looking at her face, full of pain, I can feel her breathing.

"Wake up, you can do it. I cant lose you." I say my voice breaking, I lower my head for an instant, looking for answer.

"Ah, Love, a weakness. Only destroys." Simmons says, in his human form and getting closer.

"Not from my point of view." I shoot back, I feel Y/N squirming, letting out a moan.

"Ahh!" She starts looking for my face with her hand.

"Le...on." she mumbles. I take her hand and put on my chest, making her feel my heart. Y/N tries to open her eyes, I get my attention back to Simmons that it's looking furious to us and gets closer. I get back to her and see that her eyes are open, I ask her if she's okay.

Simmons strikes and I hug Y/N, protecting her. I don't care if I die, if she's okay, my soul will be as well. She hugs me stronger.

When the attack ends, we step back and look at each other. I see doubt in her beautiful, brown eyes. I gasp at knowing that she's here, alive. She gives me a weak smile in return.

I get up, helping her, she is still limping and having a hard time to get up. I see Simmons coming towards us.

"Stay close. The leg doesn't look good." I say aiming at him but moving my head towards her leg.

Simmons starts transforming again and I start shooting at him.

"Helena, a little help here." Y/N says on the earpiece, I let out a laugh.

Simmons falls and go to his direction until he gets me and throws me to the edge of the surface making me fall but I can hold myself with my hands. I see Simmons coming closer, I grip harder at the surface.

"Leon! Your bastard!" I hear her say. He starts kicking my hands. "Do you want to live? Then, begg! Begg for your life!"

"I'll pass." I say back, starting to breath faster. Suddenly, I hear a gunshot and see Simmons falling from the surface. I stand on the surface. I see Y/N coming towards me, limping. So beautiful.

"Are you okay?" She asks worried while I'm just staring at her. At this moment, I realised how much I loved her, I'd give my life for her. Die for her. That's the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

"Leon..." I get closer and close the gap between our bodies. I put together our lips in a deep kiss. I pull her closer to my body. Her lips, sweet and soft, caressing mine. I missed this so much. I can feel my heart beating, so fast. I can smell her feminine perfume. Ah, how I love it. I put my hands on her waist. Her hands are passing to my neck to my hair. She pulls my hair making me growl. She opens her mouth giving entrance to my tongue. Our love surrounding us. I leave lovely kisses on her neck making her gasp. I hug her, like my life depends on it.

"I love you, I love you." I say, hugging her, tightly.

"I'm never letting you go. Never." I think. I step away and look at her eyes, intensely. I'd look at them all day, if I could, I'll never get tired. She raises her hand to touch my face, I close my eyes, enjoying the moment.

"I love you too." She says back, a tear falling. She kisses my cheek.

"I hate to break the moment but a chopper is on its way to get us back, I think it's better if you guys come here." Y/N nods, laughing.

I look at her and take her hands. "Let's?" She nods.

On the way, I offer my help to carry her, because she was limping a lot. I'm starting to get worried about her leg. I'm happy that everything ended well. I hope we can live our lives now.

Y/N POV (now)

We arrived home, safely. I'm still limping and with a little pain, Leon is behind me. We got in and he closes the door. Now, I'm stopped in front of the door, facing our living room. I dont know what to do. I dont know if I take a shower or do other things now.

"Babe, what is it?" Leon comes and put a hand on my back. I turn around.

"Ah, nothing. It's nothing." I step away from him, tired. "I'm gonna take a shower." I say going to our room to get the clothes then the bathroom. A hot shower that's what a need. I put my clothes with blood in the basket and get in the shower. You can already see the hot steam. I stand there, just feeling the hot water on my body.

"Ah, this is nice." I think out aloud. I'm feeling my hurt leg get weaker. I force my other leg. While I'm on my thoughts, I hear the box door opening. In a few seconds, big and warm hands are on my waist.

"Leon." I mumble. He whispers in my ear. "Are you okay?" He's leaving kisses on my neck, now. I take my time to answer.

"Yes, yes, I'm okay." I turn around and get the soap to wash myself.

After a few minutes, of kisses and taking a shower, Leon and I are in the sofa, he's taking care of my wound.

"Since when I have wounds and you dont?" I say, mocking since I always take care of his wounds.

"I do but not that ugly, this time." He speaks sitting next to me, and looking at my wound.

After we're done, we cuddle on the sofa. "Leon, I need to talk to you." I raise my head from his chest to stare at him. He looks at me, serious.

"Why your eyes were red earlier? Did something happen?" He looks down, uncomfortable. I get confused.

"Chris told me that your helicopter was knocked down, and... and... He told me there was no survives..." I start to build the puzzle. That's why he was so weird earlier.

"Ah." I say, ashamed. He raises his head. "It was at that moment that I realised that you are the woman of my life. If people want to hurt us, hurt me, not you. If something happens to you, I'll surely will blame myself. For not protecting you better." I hug him. His arms tightening around my waist.

"No, don't say that. I dont like when you put me before yourself. You worry about my life before yours, but I don't. I worry about you life, Leon. You are the man of my life. That man that I looked my whole life, and I found where I never expected." We step away, I say looking at his eyes.

"When the words 'I love you' gets out of my mouth, I'm not throwing them. They're my feelings, the ones that I cant express enough." He lays his head on my chest and hiccups softly.

"I love you, Leon. Always and Forever." I kiss his head.

"I love you, my love."

[darkling-er]

Hope’s Savior ( John Seed x OC ) | Part 9

Summary: Trinity-Hope Johnson finds herself in the middle of a holy war, leading the Resistance, while having a complicated relationship with one of the cult’s herald. And she thought her first case would be easy. Oh how wrong she was!

Pairings: John Seed/Fem!Deputy, John Seed/OC, Earl Whitehorse & OC ( uncle&niece ), Joseph Seed/Fem!Deputy ( kind of ), might add more later

Warnings: mild language, violence, eventually smut, masturbation, oral sex, you know guys the usual, use of drugs ( bliss and other, thanks to Sharky ), fluff ( does that even need a warning? ), manipulation, angst, mention of mental illness ( insomnia, depression ), mention of child abuse ( from John’s side ), torture, I think that’s it? I swear it’s not so bad!

Word Counter: 1681

Notes: some angst coming up, because I’m a cruel person *nervous laugh*

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 |  Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | MASTERPOST for the others

Hope sits at the bottom of the ‘YES’ sign, radio in hand, and her head clouded by her previous arousal. John Seed waiting for her response from the other end of the call. The situation couldn’t bee any more crazy, but she does actually stop to think about his offer, listing the pros and cons in her head. Cons: it might be a trap, he is the enemy, he’s a sadistic fuck who has kidnapped her coworker, he wants to torture her as well, what if people find out... Pros: she can have sex with John Seed. Yeah, no!

“You’re crazy if you think I will agree to this. Hell no. You interrupted my private moment, which by the way is not cool! You called me in the middle of the night, being smug that you’ve been watching me through cameras. Not cool either! And now you think I will sleep with you, because what?! You asked me nicely?”

She gets angrier by every second, raising her voice at him. A long sigh comes from the other end, a dissappointed sound as John starts speaking:

“So your answer is...?”

She shouts at the radio angrily:

“No!”

An angry huff comes from the other end and Hope can imagine him, knuckles turning white as he holds the radio in his hand:

“Fine! I will find my fun elsewhere!”

She laughs at that, a fake laugh. She seriously though he wanted her, but here he goes, just wanting to get layed, nothing else. Hope doesn’t even know why she feels hurt or dissappointed, angry at the man’s actions.

“Go ahead! I’m sure you can find a volunteer in your fucked up cult. What was her name again? Molly? Holly?” She asks angrily, mocking the Baptist with the rumors she heard about his late night activities.

Why is she even getting angry at him? What did she think? That suddenly John Seed had a crush on her and wanted her only? Course not! He just wants to get laid, because he’s high. And I was the one he saw masturbating, that’s the only reason he asked, so yeah... Great.

“How do you even know about Holly?” He asks annoyed.

She huffs. So it’s true. Great, I almost said yes to this fuckboy...

“Rumors come and go, John! I wonder what would Joseph think about his little brother, one of his Heralds indulging in such a sin!”

And there she goes again. Making herself more trouble that she actually needs to be in. Joseph seems to be his weak point, and now she dared to say that she’ll tell on him. Probably with the ending that Joseph would be angry with his little brother, again. A sharp inhale can be heard and she knows she’s in trouble:

“Oh, I atone for every sin I commit, don’t worry... But you, Deputy! Your soul is stained by your sins... I was wondering if you were born a sinner, and Deputy Hudson was nice enough to share the information, that yes, indeed you were! Do you ever wonder that God took your parents so they didn’t have to watch their child turn everyone’s life into hell?”

At that Hope’s anger goes away, like it was never there, leaving her empty as she sits there in the grass. It feels like she just took a punch into her stomach, making her feeling sick. Her heart turning cold, lips and hands shaking, vision starting to blur as tears gather in her eyes.

She could say something back, something that would hurt the man, but she doesn’t want to. He used the only card that works against her, and now she just wants to get far away from people, far away from him and his cruel words. She feels defeated, broken...

“I...” She wants to speak but a sob follows through and she lets go of the radio, she doesn’t want to cry right into it.

‘You’re weak!’ She can hear Jacob Seed’s voice in her head, but another memory fades it.

‘Please, baby, please don’t come yet... It’s not time yet, please, please...’ She hears her mother’s painful voice as she pleaded for her daughter to not to be born yet. Hope listened to her parent’s last phone call that has been recorded by her uncle’s answering machine. The last one when they were both alive, the one during the car accident... the one when they both died and Hope was born.

Everyone in the world being happy when a child is born, but when Hope was born there were only tears from sadness.

And those tears are now covering her face, light sobs leaving her mouth as she buries her face in her hands. She kind of expects the younger Seed to make fun of her misery, mock her while she weeps, but he doesn’t say a thing. Minutes pass like this, but it feels like hours to her.

The young girl wiping away her last tears from her surely red eyes looks up at the sky: to the stars, the moon. She is trying to find comfort in anything, really. And comfort she gets from the same source that gave her the reason to cry her eyes out.

“I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have...” John’s voice is weak, ashamed that he caused her to cry. He doesn’t know what to say, which for him seems to be a big deal, considering he loves to talk and he always knows what words to use. So this, that he can't find the right words, has to count for something, right?

She sniffs then grabs the radio from the ground, standing up and walking towards her chopper.

“Well yeah, we shouldn’t have said or done anything tonight, so let’s just forget about it.” She says but knows the only person who might forget tonight’s encounter is John, considering the man is still high.

She opens the chopper’s door and takes a seat, while there’s nothing but silence. She half-expects the man to be asleep or he might just ended the call with that. Then he speaks, his voice low, but not intimidating, just tired.

“Yes, maybe that’s for the better.”

Hope doesn’t know how to deal with this situation. She feels uncomfortable, not just awkward and heated like before, that was intense, usual even for them. But this silence, this odd behavior for both of them is a change and she doesn’t know how she should feel about that.

“Goodnight, then.” She says awkwardly then chuckles, half fake half not. “And happy birthday, I guess... How old are you even?”

It’s such a normal, domestic question that it makes her cringe a bit. They always talk about other stuff like: ‘I will kill you. I will torture you. Say yes. Fuck you.’

“Thirty two... and it’s over midnight already, so you're a bit late.” John replies and Hope rolls her eyes at the man's teasing voice, but feels kind of happy that he’s back to his normal asshole self. No more uncomfortable silence.

“Well how would I know that? I don’t have a fancy home where I can watch the time go by... I lost my watch, so if it’s night time or day time, that’s all I know.” Hope laughs, annoyed by the fact that her watch has been taken when Jacob's hunters brought her to... to where ever the fuck they brought her for his evil presentation.

The junior deputy starts the engine of the chopper and takes off from the ground.

”I'm giving you this night, Deputy. Then tomorrow my people will come for you, they will bring you to me. Please don't fight it. You can't run from your confession, my dear. Either way you are going to say yes to me and then, I will free you from your sins. That is the will of the Father, the will of God.” John says and Hope groans out, annoyed by his speech.

Does he practice this in front of a mirror? Because it starts to sound like something he had to memorize and repeat it, like a good little student.

”Goodnight, John.” And with that Hope turns off her radio. She doesn't want to think about John Seed and their conversation. But she can't help but think about it, until she lands right outside of Fall's End.

I need some sleep. I need to forget about tonight. She thinks and she gets out of the chopper. The town looks empty, only the muffled music from the Spread Eagle is the sign that people live here. No one is outside, everybody sleeps probably.

Hope walks up to the entrance of the bar and steps inside. The air is filled with the scent of beer, sweat, but also the delicious smell of hamburger. God, I'm hungry!

Mary May looks up from behind the counter and greets the Deputy with a smile:

”Pastor said you were coming, but I thought only in the morning.” Hope sits down on a stool. ”Never mind, I'm just happy to see you in one piece. Heard you were busy in the Henbane and the mountains. Good, people need help everywhere.”

Hope is a bit tired hearing about this. People need help all the time, yeah, I know. Everyone keeps reminding me of it, not like I could forget about it.

”You got something to eat? I don't even know when was the last time I ate something.” Her stomach hurts just at the thought of her last meal. Mary May looks back to the kitchen through the window and shouts to the cook.

”Make a hamburger for our Deputy here.”

Her mouth waters when she gets her food in front of her. When she takes her first bite she moans out in pleasure, the incredible taste filling her mouth. She appriciates every bite and when she's finished she feels like she's in heaven.

Saying thanks for the food and the talk Hope leaves the Spread Eagle. And even now, full and feeling a bit more relaxed she still can't help but think about John Seed.

A/N: I wrote this on mobile and tumblr deleted a lot of parts that I had to rewrite. So if there are typos, I'm sorry. Also I wanted the chapter to be longer but I also wanted to post it, because I wont have my lap top for days. So yeah.

Tags: @onl-you

[junkpoetic]

Nine

I did not sleep at all that night. I kept hearing Elliot coughing and I couldn’t tell if it was in my head, or really him through the wall. I tried to think of pleasant things like the conversation with Juno, and sunflowers blooming in snowstorms. I got up to piss and stopped in my tracks when I thought I heard coughing, but it was nighttime silence when I really listened. I was exhausted by the time light revealed itself. Lorelei was picking us up in her Volkswagon van. The same kind of van that old hippies drive so you know that they’re cool, or at least that they once were. The van looked old, but it wasn’t. Like everything these days, it was something pretending to be something that once was. I don’t know why it bothered me, it really, but seeing their house last night and then seeing this van… I don’t know, I think I am still upset about everything with Elliot.

    The rain was torrential enough that I questioned whether or not what we were doing was safe. Elliot was all in though. He looked the part too, and when he got in the water, he looked like he had been doing it for years. He always said that everything in life was feel and I truly believe that’s how things come so naturally to him. He felt truly everything. I feel like if you cracked him open like a pinata he would bleed sunshine and nightmares and everything in between. If I hadn’t seen him bleed, I would assume his blood was iridescent. In truth I am just having a hard time with seeing him so defeated in the bathroom. I can’t help but wonder how bad the diagnosis really is, and if there is help but he’s too proud or ashamed or whatever to ask for it.

    I hated feeling the way I felt and getting hit by waves of grief when he was still very much alive. I tried to bury whatever stage of grief I was swimming through in order to feel better. It really was an exciting day ahead of us and my stupid brain was ruining it. I put my armor on as we neared Nauset Beach. The blustery air shook the hippy van back and forth on the highway as if it were a giant hand and we were in a matchbox car in some American boy’s bedroom. It’s hard not to wonder what that would be like, if we were just a simulation, a toy for some supernatural’s entertainment. I try to stop myself when I get to thinking that way as well. It’s quite easy to feel empty and insignificant, I don’t need to feed that monster. I had been falling through funnels of those types of thoughts a lot more since Cara left. It felt good to be away… I looked forward to documenting Elliot’s marathon and creating a plot to finally write a book and all of that came crashing down eleven miles in. I suppose I had several other plots to draw up now, I just feel ruined. At least I could take solace in the fact that time heals everything one way or another.

    When I opened the sliding door of the van and stepped the wind nearly knocked me over. The adrenaline rush made laugh. Carrying our boards was damn near impossible. In fact, if you angled your board just right, and held on tight, you just might take flight. We walked up through the dunes toward the thrashing water. I had not seen waves like that before other than on television.

    There was a certain comfort of being in the midst of the storm, like nothing could go wrong because everything is already going wrong. Like the feeling you can’t possibly fuck up any further. Although, I never felt the wind in such a way. It was spinning and spraying in all directions. Nothing felt right, everything felt bizarre, Elliot was laughing at things that weren’t funny, he acted like he had just snorted cocaine… I don’t care if he did, it was just weird. Juno Rafferty didn’t seem to want to leave my side which I didn’t mind, it was just uncharacteristic. Lorelei and Rami kept to themselves while Madeline was in street clothes being Madeline. Even the contrast of the ocean was off, the white waves breaking on the black water seemed off. The waves brighter than white like brand new teeth against a black so dark it was hollow.

    Elliot and I went out together. It reminded of the first time we took the field together a million years ago in little league. We walked out of the dugout slowly refusing to crumble to our nerves that kept us prisoners. I played second base; he was at short. We had extra-large wads of Big-League Chew in our mouths and eye black beneath our eyes to go along with our high socks and greased up mitts. I remember looking over at him as we took the field for the first time ever… it was almost startling how focused he was. It didn’t take long for either of us to trip and fall on a rolling wave. Usually, we’d laugh at one another when something like that happened, but we didn’t laugh in that moment. I was surprised when I looked over and realized that I was a few steps ahead of him. Normally he’d be a few steps ahead of me, not hanging back in the balance using his board as a shield to fend off oncoming waves. When we found our position, that was when we waited. We stood waist deep in the black rolling water waiting. I won’t lie I was waiting for him to take the lead, because he always did, that’s I was used to. He was Batman, I was Robin, and it was always perfect that way.

    I should have known something was wrong when he told me to go first but I got lost in the confidence of my own head. The confidence that Juno Rafferty put there… I was drowning in it, and it felt so fucking good to be drowning in confidence. I felt superhuman… I felt like Elliot. So, I went first… I gripped my board white knuckle tight trying my best to feel everything beneath me. The uneven earth, the sway of the water, the taste of the salt, and the smell of the wind… for moment everything stopped. I swear to God when I tell this, I mean everything stopped. The wind died. The water stood still like glass, I felt it would break if I moved, even the rain stopped, and this is where you won’t believe me… I saw the sun flicker and a rainbow appear. It was a moment so fast, and so intense, yet so clear. It was crystal fucking clear. And then I heard Elliot’s voice. He said something encouraging but I couldn’t quite make it out followed by something along the lines of “I am right behind you” and then he said the last word I would ever hear him say… Now! That was when the lump rolled with force and turned into a wave that carried me as I paddled. He said it again Now! And I popped up and believe me when I tell you that I was weightless. I road that monstrous green wave for what felt like miles and miles and miles. I road it all the way to shore and up the sand to the dunes. I kept it riding it through the dunes to the sidewalks and then through the side streets of Boston in the rain. Maybe it was the rain that made possible. Maybe it was the rain that carried me, but it didn’t stop there. Suddenly everything turned white, and then there was color everywhere and I was moving at an impossible rate. I thought about pinching myself to ensure that I wasn’t dreaming but I didn’t want to ruin the feeling that I felt. It was all things incredible. Every euphoric memory in my brain bled out onto a canvas before my eyes. I saw my wedding day, my days at college, I saw the night I lost my virginity, the first time I smoked weed, I saw my first kiss, I even saw my first dog… I saw Rocky. The last thing that I saw was my favorite memory… I saw the day that I met my best Elliot. I saw us, we were five. We were so untarnished and full of life. Our voices, I could hear them, so young and beautiful and our hair was so stringy and blonde. That was when everything slowed down and the tape began to fast forward so fast that it unraveled and fell off the spool. I no longer saw beautiful things. I no longer felt beautiful things, in fact I felt scared as came back to reality to the sound of alarm that Elliot had vanished. He was supposed be right behind me but only his board followed to shore. It bobbled back and forth between the crashing waves and the undertow for a while before Juno ran and grabbed it. She set it on the beach next me as I just sat and watched helplessly as the ocean devoured Elliot. Even I wanted to, I couldn’t move. My body, my soul… everything went numb.

    I sat there helpless the entire time in the shallow as the rain fell on me while the waves continued to roll through me. I could no longer the cold. I could no longer feel anything at all. I watched rescue squads and divers arrive and listened to the sounds of panic. Choppers hovered above possible spots of disappearance attempting to illuminate the ocean in hopes of finding Elliot, but he was gone. Looking back, I knew it all along. I knew it because I could feel it. I ignored because I am human and that is what we do with things that are uncomfortable… we ignore them. Everything was so clear in hindsight. It was as if he knew the wave was coming for him and he wanted to go to first… I don’t if he was trying to protect me or what, but I always followed him, it was never the other way. I knew something wasn’t right when I looked and saw his surfboard trying to vomit a rainbow and eat a wave simultaneously… he never held back. He let me have his golden wave. He knew the black ones that followed would swallow him and he knew it would be quick and painless. He knew there would be no more coughing and no more illness. There would be no more nothing. Just what once was… and he got to end it on his terms. I should have known that he wouldn’t wait for death to coming knocking. I should have known he’d press eject on his own terms.

    I got dropped off at my hotel later that night as the hard rain began to wane. Juno said she would try check in on me or at least call. I didn’t care either way. I took a long hot shower, I was going wait until the water went cold, but hotel water never goes cold. At least not this hotel. I had the water as hot as my skin could stand, I wanted to wash everything clean. I stood still in it until I could no longer stand it. Afterwards I put on grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt that we had purchased at Motion Surf days prior. It had the silhouette of a surfer riding in a barrel and the script on it read “A way to be free”.  

[rebel-21]

Ezra Medical Emergency

Description of story 

  What if Ezra was epileptic and he's been hiding it from the crew until he runs out of the meds that kept alive and there out in the middle of space. Will Ezra be able to hide the symptoms of his seizure to the crew or has Ezra just put himself in very grave danger?

It's never something Ezra would ever like people to know about. Living streets was a hard life and when people found out that you had some sort of medical issue people like to us that to gain some sort of control over the other person. Ezra never like when people did that but when you're on the street you do what you have to do even if it meant telling evil people that you were sick. Sometimes people were sympathetic about it and would just give him the money other time he had to do something for that person before he was allowed the med.

He rolled the container in his hand there were no more he took the last pill yesterday. He knew he was in big trouble he knew he needs to tell them about his condition he just never thought he would be in this type of potion. He parents were never shy about his medical condition. He was never felt like he was something to be ashamed of or hide about. But… when he had to learn how to live on his own everything that his family ever taught him about living with his condition got to throw out the fucking window. He will be forever changed because of what the empire had done to him and his family.

As he could here Zeb sleeping on the bunk below him. What was Zeb going to think of him? He probably was never going to let him live it down they were not on a very good speaking term. At the moment and he didn't think Zeb like him all that much. But hey what you going to do if he was not trying to kill him he was fine with being around the big fuzzy guy.

As his mind wandered to Hera. What was she going to think of him once she found out about his condition? She was already worried about all the other issues he had. She wanted to send him to an off world doctor. Cause she wanted to make sure he didn't have any lasting damage from him being on the streets. He knew he was very skinny for his age and he had not really grown much he was 13 teen and yet he looks like 9 years old. Hera said something about because he had not gotten a lot of good nutrition that his body just stop doing what it needed to grow normally.

He felt tears fall from his face he didn't know why he was becoming so emotional about this he never got upset anymore. He got used to the fact that no one cared for him. Or the fact that he was alone. As he lay back down and tried to go to sleep but his mind started to wonder again.

What would Sabine think of him? Oh, great he thought to himself wait ago mind way to make him not sleep. As he rolled himself over to face the wall. Sabine was not one to judge him.

Only if he tried to flirt with her. He was a guy he couldn't help it and it not like he had good role models on the streets. He just didn't want her to think any differently of him. They like to push each other around and he didn't want to lose that.

As he sighed he now wondered when he had he gotten so comfortable around these people he had only known them for three weeks. He cursed himself little for being so very open.

He knew that was going to bit him. He didn't want to grow so attached cause that when bad things happens he kicked himself mentally. Come on they were in a fucking war there was no time to think that he could be happy let alone a family that cared for him.

But then there was Kanan telling him to open up to his feeling and that he was not alone anymore. What would Kanan think of him? Would he stop training him was it unsafe to be a force user and have seizure like him? Could that do more harm than good?

What if he overused his power could affect his epilepsy. Ugh, this was so fucked up. He sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. Maybe some sleep would help as he didn't need to wait long before sleep claimed him,

“Hey Hey!” As he felt someone shaking him awake. As he curled more into himself.

“What?” he mumbled into the blankets. “Leave me alone.”

“Come on kid Hera want everyone up and to help clean the ship today.”

 Zeb said in a little bit more grumpy tone. He did not have time for the kid to act... well like a kid today. “Up! Now!” As he pulled all the blanket off leaving the boy shivering.

As he left the room not wanting to deal with Lothrat anymore then he had to.

Ezra sighed he didn't want to do anything now. He felt like his head was pounding and he was so tired. He knew he should get up but his body just told him that he should just stay in bed. He didn't know how much time had passed before he was able to will himself to get out of bed.

He slowly made his way out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom to change when he was done he slowly made his way to the kitchen and sat down with his head in his hand. It felt like someone banged his skull against his head repeatedly.

“Ezra? You ok?” A soft voice spoke to him from a couple of feet away.

“Amok Hera just tired.”

As he picked his head up from the table to be met with a concerned eye. “Am fine Hera. So what for breakfast.?”

Hera smiled “what do want to eat?”

Ezra shrugged “you know me all eat anything that you put in front of me.” As he rubbed his temple to try to ease his headache.

Hera gave him look but said nothing. As she turned to start making breakfast for everyone. Taking a glance at Ezra every once in while he looks very pale and looks like he handed slept in days.

Ezra Know all too well what these headaches meant and he was becoming very anxious. What he hated the most of have epilepsy was the warning signed but not fully knowing when a seizure was going to hit. As he was bright out of his thought when he senses Kanan walk into the room.

“Morning” Ezra mumbled not in the mood to talk to anyone. Really all he wanted to do was go back to sleep.

Kanan smiled and grabbed a cup of Kaf from Hera as they both said good morning to each other.

“So how are you doing Ezra?” Kanan asks in between sips.

Ezra just shrugged as he felt the sensation of Déjà vu wash over him as he sat up straight.

“Ezra, you all right?” As Kanan watch Ezra sit straight up like he had been shocked by something.

The feeling slowly washed away as Ezra shook his head little to shake off the lingering facts.

“Yeah am ok just little Déjà vu.”

“Don't you hate when that happens” Kanan joked as Hera brought over his hot cereal.

As he took it from her “thanks, Hera don't worry about cleaning up all do that after am done.”

Hera rolled her eyes but she knows that it was better for Ezra being busy then Ezra who was doing nothing less reason for him to get in trouble.

“So did Zeb tell you what are the plan for the day?” As Hera sat down next to him

“Yeah, he said something about cleaning the ship or something like that?”

“Your smart kid Kanan smirked.”

Ezra just rolled his eyes he was not really in the mood for Kanan really bad jokes. “So what job do want me to do?” As he took another bite of the hot cereal.

“You can help chopper rewire some stuff I find that some of are Navigation have been little off lately.”

“You want me to work with chopper?” As he dropped his spoon in his finished bowl. As he sighed and walk over to the sink.

“Yes, I do,” Hera said calmly again. “I know you and him don't get long but you guys are the only ones that are good at this. Soit either working with chop or working in the bathroom? your choices.”

Ezra sighed “yeah fine all work with chop.” As he brought his stuff up to the sink and started to clean.

Hera quickly left the room to do some other stuff around the ship.

As the day where on Ezra could feel his headache getting worse and he was starting to losing his patient with Chopper and with himself.

“Ugh.” throwing his hands up in frustration Kanan gave him a look.

“What wrong? Ez do you need a break?”

“Am fine!” Ezra snapped at him. He didn't mean to snap it was just he was tired and his head was pounding. He could feel his hands shaking and he knows that it was just another damn symptom of his seizure that could come at any moment It was making him on edge.

“Ezra? You there?” He was brought out of his thought by Kanan waving his hand in front his face.

“Uh What?” As he shook his head. “Am sorry Kanan what were you saying” He put his hand to his head. Did he just faze out on Kanan or was he just didn't hear him.

“I ask if you wanted to have a break you don't look that well. Maybe some food will do you some good?”

Just the thought of food made him want to throw up.

“No am goo Kanan I just…” As he could feel his words slur as his vision went in and out as he felt his body lock as his eyes rolled inside his head and he knew no more.

Ezra woke to the sound of a beeping noise as he felt so tired and drained his body felt so heavy his mouth tasted like copper. He wanted to spit it out but he had no spit to even spit. As he could feel the need to throw up was growing stronger by the seconded.

As he started to gag he was too weak to roll over as he felt someone roll him over. As he throws up on the side of the bed as the person shoes were now full of his sick. As the person was rubbing his back and was talking to him but for the love of force, he could not understand anything. As he lost concuss once again.

The seconded time he woke he could still hear the beeping but there was voice around him and he could sort of understand what was going on around him.

“Kanan the doctor said he was going to fine please calm down dear” The soothing voice of Hera could be heard next to him.

“I know he will be fine Hera I just wish…. I wish he would have told us do you have any idea what could have happened if we were on a mission or something like that.”

Ezra felt his heart sink he never thought about that before now he just felt plain stupid.

“Kanan he has been alone for half his life” Sabine jump into his the conversation. “Don't be too mad at the kid if I was him I sadly would have done the same thing. Am sure once he has meds in his system and we keep on his med now he will be fine.”

Ezra slowly opened his eye just wanted to get this over with. As he tried to move but his body was so very sore as groaned slip through his mouth.

“Ezra?!”  he turned his head to see that everyone was in the hospital room. he was hooked up to an IV and heart mentor.

“How are you feeling bud?” As Kanan sat on the bed “you scared us badly Ezra you been out for a couple of days. Your body went thru a lot and the doctors thought it is easy for you to recover if they put you to sleep.”

Ezra nodded as he looks at his Master as his heart clenched to see that Kanan look like he could fall over at any moment he looks like death. Did they care about him? They even took him to a hospital so they must mean they must care, right?

Hera sighed and ran her hand through his hair” Ezra I don't understand why you did this to yourself why didn't you tell us.”

Ezra looks away he didn't want to say they would now think he was beyond stupid. “Ezra” Sabin jumped in please “don't do this to us we deserve an explanation.”

Ezra sighed “fine he mumbled I… I ran out of pill couple of days ago. I was worried that when you found out about my condition then you would dump me on some unknown planet.”

when he was done with his story he realized that he had tears slipping down his face. As he whipped them the way he was always a rack when he woke from a fit. As he sniffs as he felt a hand on his head.

“We would never do that to you Ez.” Kanan's voice sounded sincere and he could feel the force wrap him in warm in a brace as he realized that it was Kanan own force. As Ezra did the same as their bond at that seconded seemed to lock. As he looks at his master.

“You're still going to teacher me?”

Kanan shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Of course, Ezra am not leaving you like that. Your so very powerful and am not let you down not again.”

Ezra shook his head” Kanan it was not your fault! I t was all mine.”

Kanan sighed “I know there was something up but I didn't  push I should have maybe I could have asked you about what was wrong.”

Ezra sighed “it not your fault.  My condition fault please don't start playing the blame game. I learned long time that sometimes there nothing you can do. You just go with the flow. Even if it means I black out.”

“Am safe now and that all that matter.”

Zeb patted him on the back “you're not alone anymore Loth rat. But if you throw up on me again am throwing you in space do you understand.”

Ezra smiled “I can't promise that but I can promise that all tell when I don't feel well how does that sound.”

Zeb sighed “yeah fine I guess that will do he didn't know what came over him as he wrapped his arm around the teen. You scared me, kid, please don't ever do that.”

Ezra tightened his hold on his brother “I promise” he mumbled am so sorry” as he let the tears fall he finally had family and people that understood him and that all he could ask for. Epilepsy could fuck itself because he had people to help him now and he felt like he could take his disorder down now. He would make sure that he would live through this now he had reason to live.

[missfart]

"Sandra Lee is the Devil" semi-homemade Pasta Bolognese

I love Food Network. I love it. So much. I've seen almost every show and love each and every Food Network chef like family. All except one; Sandra Lee. Sandra Lee, for those who don't know, had a "cooking show" (I use the term loosely) where she made canned chili dogs and boxed cakes and chased them with absurdly complex and boozy cocktails. It's a train wreck and actually who am I kidding it’s amazing television. I love it. However, there is something to be said about semi-homemade. I don't disagree with the principle behind good eating on both a time and money budget. It can be incredibly hard and expensive to make completely scratch made meals every night. So let's explore a dish that doesn't require you make every little thing, takes about a half hour, and costs under $20 for 4 people. Pasta Bolognese. Perfect for winter time when it's freezing out and you want something hearty you can reheat for days. (Vegan and Vegetarian friends should stick this through, because I’ll show you how to tweak this at the bottom. Unless you’re really squimish about raw meat pictures, which there will be a few.)

Part 1: Your Ingredient List 1 Jar of the red pasta sauce of your choosing (Newman's Own Sockarooni is my personal favorite, but you're the chef. I would not recommend a low quality brand like Prego or Kraft unless that is your only option.) 1-1.5 LBS of ground chuck (more beef yields more of a stew like sauce while less gives more of that traditional, looser, pasta sauce) 1 onion, finely minced 3 cloves garlic, finely minced 1 half pint heavy cream 1 box of penne (more or less depending on how many you're feeding, but this sauce recipe can feed 6 people comfortably or 4 people to the point of stuffed. Also, it MUST be a strong noodle like something in the penne family or the cavappati category. Fusilli, riggatoni, anything that is built to not go limp when up against thick meat sauces. Shells, spaghettis, linguinis, stuff like that won’t be the same.) 3 Tablespoons all purpose flour Extra virgin olive oil (you’ll need a bit at different intervals so keep it handy) Spices (of the Italian variety) Salt (OPTIONAL) Balsamic vinegar Apple cider vinegar Brown sugar Red wine Vodka Tomato paste

Part 2: Cooking 1. Dice up your onions and garlic, then get them started on medium in a large pan with about a table spoon of olive oil. Sweat them down for about 7 minutes. TIP: you want this minced finely, so using a push chopper is totally worth it here.

Vince isn’t lying. It’s good white people bullshit to have around the kitchen. Slap that shit.

Mmmmm yes. Sweaty perfection. Moving on.

2. Get your water for your pasta boiling while the onions sweat. You want to salt your water enough to wear you can taste it, but don't listen to the people who say you have to have it like ocean water. Too much salt for this recipe.

3. While you let the water come to a boil, add in your spices to your onions and garlic. I happened to have this blend on hand.

This is a pretty straight forward blend to make, and basically what any Italian spice blend will call for give or take. You can add in your personal favorite blend or take away anything you don’t like.

4. The water should be done coming to a boil, so now add your penne. The perfect al dente penne is 10 minutes and done. 11 minutes is fine, 12 minutes it’s completely cooked through 13 you’ve gone entirely too far and ruined everything.

5. While the pasta is cooking, add in your beef to the onions. Use your spatula and break it up. Keep adding olive oil so it doesn't get too dry and burn. 

6. Add your second round of spices (same as the first) and mix. This is all up to taste, so do what you want. You can use dry and get away with it, though fresh is always more pungent. It really depends on what you’re going for. I like dry here because of the earthy tones cured spices give when used correctly.

7. Now it's time for your optional additions. I personally trust my Russian friends with about a half cup of potato or grain vodka, a nice big shot of apple cider vinegar and a drizzle of balsamic. You can add a number of things to sway your sauce the way you want it. A little brown sugar and half a cup of red wine can make for a sweeter sauce with a sharp bite, while tomato paste and balsamic makes a more sour and acidic sauce with a natural umami flavor. My personal combo makes a much more tangy flavor from the balsamic and acv with a smooth and savory after taste from the vodka. Once you've added in whatever, give it a good stir and let it sit. 

This vodka is Russian and bad ass smooth. It’s not going to leave a bitter taste after the alcohol burns off like you get with squash, or corn. It’s also pretty inexpensive and makes for a good martini as well as being very good at melding tomato flavors with cream. Eyeball about a half cup and stir.

Its ya boy, Braggs ACV. Take a shot glass, fill it, toss it in.

Let this all stew for a bit, maybe 5 minutes, while the pasta finishes.

8. Your pasta should be done. Dump it into your strainer and let it sit in the colander for a bit. Don't worry about it going cold, the sauce will heat it back up.

9. Your meat mixture is ready to be floured. Add in 3 tablespoons a spoonful at a time while stirring. Once all of that is combined, add in up to half a pint of heavy cream.

I had about a pound and a half of beef and I like it thick and rich, so I toss the whole thing in. Less means a more marinara type sauce, more means something like a tomato bisque almost.

This mixture right here is an amazing starter for biscuit gravy btw. Throw some coriander, fennel, and paprika with some brown sugar and cream, and bam. Sausage gravy. However, we will save my biscuits and gravy recipe for another day. 

10. Open your pasta sauce and dump that shit right in there. Get it all in there. Stir it up and salt to taste.

Mmmmmmmm bitch. That’s what I’m talking about. You can loosen things up with some diced tomatoes, more red wine or vodka, even a little water. I personally love having thick sauce for this because it sticks to the pasta well. Either way, let this sit for about 5 more minutes on low while you dress your pasta.

11. Chefs will all debate about putting olive oil on pasta. Put it in the water, don’t, put it in after, don’t put it on at all, whatever. Personally, I think this recipe benefits from a little olive oil for taste. Making fresh pasta and dressing it with a little oil each time will also help loosen up the sauce which tends to thicken on it’s own in the fridge when you’re reheating it.

12. Once that’s done, use a ladle and spoon on the desired amount of sauce for the amount of pasta you’ve made. I like more sauce than is necessary, but to each their own. Don’t dump it all in there because too much and the noodles just sorta fall apart.

Fuck yeah look at that. Tasty af.

So steamy the camera can’t even focus.

13. Your final step is to plate this stuff. It’s best in a bowl with hand grated Parmesan cheese off the wedge. A good chunk of fresh stuff only runs you $5. That may be a little pricey, but it is much more worth it than the green shakey can, not that there is anything to be ashamed about for the shakey can. 

There you go. Serve with your favorite vodka drink or some good red wine. Or water. Or milk. Whatever.

[VEGAN FRIENDS LOOK HERE]

To tweak this for a plant based diet, there’s going to be a few changes though they’ll be minor and maybe even less expensive. The first being is that you’re going to have to invest in a decent ground beef substitute called TVP. It sounds scary, it’s not. It’s textured vegetable protein from soy, so dried tofu basically. What you’ll do is combine 1/2 a cup of TVP with 1 cup water and let it soak for 30 minutes. After that’s done, you can follow the recipe as is. The only difference is going to be your choice of nut milk. I have found that the tomatoes and a heavy hand with spices can actually stand up to using coconut cream here and it makes for the best heavy cream substitute, though it won’t be as Italian tasting in the end. Still just as good, however. I personally recommend an unflavored almond milk creamer. You will have to be careful that you don’t get it too hot or it can “break.” Nooch makes a great topper here. Maybe even a few chopped salted cashews.

However you decide to do it, bone apple teeth as the kids are saying.