#but they can never make me hate you pookie (Alex)

[thepurecinnamonroll]

Season 13 Alex Cabot is like a line of cocaine to me (she's very attractive)

[5sospenguinqueen]

Love To Hate | Daniel Ricciardo x Gasly! Reader

Summary: Daniel Ricciardo is known for bickering with Pierre Gasly's older sister online. The fans love it but they suspect there might be something more behind it.

Warnings: Swearing. One sexual innuendo. Female reader.

Takes place in the 2022 season so Daniel is with McLaren.

Main Masterlist

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mclaren just posted

liked by oscarpiastri, alex_albon and others

mclaren spot the difference #MonacoGP tagged: landonorris, danielricciardo

2,446 comments

YourUserName the one on the left can actually drive

→ User 1 wtf does she know about f1

→ User 2 um, her baby brother is a GP winner so…

danielricciardo @ YourUserName coming from the woman who failed her driving test twice

→ YourUserName @ pierregasly you weren’t supposed to tell your little racing friends that!

→ pierregasly do not drag me into this nonsense.

landonorris @ YourUserName thanks pookie

→ danielricciardo more like pukie

→ YourUserName you’re just mad that he gets bitches and you don’t

→ danielricciardo okay, cradle snatcher

User 3 mom and dad are fighting again

danielricciardo here’s to a good weekend 💪

→ YourUserName ass licker

→ danielricciardo you wish.

→ maxverstappen1 can you guys not do your foreplay privately

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YourUserName just posted

liked by arthur_leclerc, lilymhe and others

YourUserName soaking up the sun before the madness resumes (01/06/2022) 🌻

2,488 comments

danielricciardo i need to bleach my eyes. please cover you up before you mentally scar someone else.

→ User 5 he says like his jaw didn’t drop when this came across his timeline

User 6 how to become y/n gasly

→ YourUserName have an annoying brother and endure his equally insufferable friends

lilymhe the only reason i’m still with Alex is so i have an excuse to spend time with you in the paddock

→ YourUserName we could get married and then you could see me all the time??

→ alex_albon it’s a good thing I’m used to this or i might cry

→ georgerussle63 don’t lie. i can hear you sobbing from my hotel room.

MaleFriend wow 🥵 → danielricciardo try harder (comment deleted)

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PierreGASLY you’re both certified yappers. it’s why the two of you together is a nightmare

User 7 hmm, okay but why were you two together in the first place if you hate each other…

→ danielricciardo I was bullying her

→ YourUserName pierre ditched me to talk to a pretty girl and daniel was making fun of the fact that i got lost

→ LandoNorris i wouldn’t have left you… just saying 👀

→ YourUserName i’m 10 years old than you, boo.

→ LandoNorris age is just a number

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danielricciardo just posted

liked by mclaren, scottyjames31 and others

danielricciardo preferred mode of transport... fast

6,443 comments

YourUserName title of your sex tape “i'm in love with my car”

YourUserName someone’s clearly compensating for something

→ danielricciardo omg why are you so obsessed with me. get out of my comments, stalker

→ YourUserName let’s not forget you stalked me first

→ danielricciardo where’s your proof

→ pierregasly here. you begged me for her instagram until i gave in

→ danielricciardo and then i realised what a bitch she was

→ YourUserName just ‘cause i wouldn’t blow you

→ pierregasly i need you to delete this

User 1 this man is so fine

User 2 i’d like to ride

→ YourUserName you’d have more fun with the car

→ User 2 omg hi queen

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liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes and others

YourUserName last race of the season today. just wanted to say a big ‘well done’ to my baby bro. so proud of all you achieved this season and i know you’ll go on to kill it next year! 🍾 #AbuDhabiGP

3,323 comments

YourUserName yes, i know one pic has daniel. no, it’s not an announcement of our friendship. i just like how scared pear looks

User 8 i have never been more attracted to a frenchman before

danielricciardo and who is that handsome man

→ YourUserName there is not a single handsome man in this post; charles was sulking out of the frame

→ pierregasly 1) i am very handsome, 2) stay away from charles, he’s too nice for you

→ danielricciardo and too pretty

→ charles_leclerc stop it or i will fall in love with all of you

→ YourUserName @ pierregasly i’ll stop if you promise to get rid of daniel so i don’t have to see him again

→ danielricciardo and deny you of my bakery 🍑

→ User 9 it's cake, honey, but you tried

User 10 anyone catch the camera panning to y/n when daniel’s car spun out in qualifying

→ User 11 talk about delulu

→ User 12 because he almost crashed into her brother so obvi they would show her

pierregasly just posted

liked by francisca.cgomes, yukitsunoda0511 and others

pierregasly a huge thank you to my support system. je t'aime grande soeur 🌸 (she forced me to post this, please send help)

5,222 comments

YourUserName you’re such a liar! you were legit crying to me last night about how nice it is that i still come to all your races and then said you wanted the world to know

→ pierregasly don’t expose me!

→ landonorris come sit in my car instead. rub a little luck on it

→ User 12 never beating the no rizz allegations

danielricciardo @ landonorris probably best she doesn't, she’s clearly a curse, mate

→ YourUserName and how many races did you win this season?

→ danielricciardo i hope pierre pushes you off the plane tomorrow

→ YourUserName i hope you get run over in the pits

alphatauri we love having you in the garage

User 1 agreed. her hair looked so pretty today and he ruined it

User 2 only for him to then completely forget what he was saying when he realised she was wearing a white shirt? yes! it’s been playing in my head

→ User 3 can’t say i blame him. i too was no better than a man 👀

User 4 but the way he covered her body with his the second he realised to stop the camera focusing on her see-through top

→ User 5 and then gave her one of his shirts because she was walking around in a mclaren top until pierre yanked her into the alphatauri garage

→ User 6 guys, this is bare minimum. him being hot doesn’t make this extra chivalrous

User 7 another angle of that video showed it was an accident. he can be seen saying sorry a billion times and after that, they put a border around the fountain

YourUserName posted a new story

danielricciardo reposted your story

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YourUserName just posted

liked by carlossainz55, georgerussell63 and others

YourUserName happy 4 year anniversary to my professional car crasher tagged: danielricciardo

7,114 comments

User 1 i knew it! they all called me crazy

danielricciardo delete this. you said you would be a nice. i’m a champion! how many trophies do you have, huh

→ YourUserName depends on how many i steal from the trophy case in our living room (plus, those are replicas)

→ User 2 our?!?!

charles_leclerc but i thought you loved me?

→ YourUserName i do, citrouille. but, daniel and pierre are keeping us apart.

User 3 4 years? this means they were together when he was still at red bull! what did you think about him leaving?

→ YourUserName i'm not allowed to talk about that

landonorris congratulations, mum and dad

→ alex_albon congratulations, mum and dad

→ georgerussell63 congratulations, mum and dad

→ YourUserName i didn’t sign up for this responsibility

→ danielricciardo they’re a package deal, babe. they come with me

maxverstappen1 oh, thank god. It was so hard keeping this to myself in interviews

danielricciardo just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, kellypiquet and others

danielricciardo contrary to popular belief, pierre is not my favourite gasly

6,998 comments

YourUserName aww, mon coeur, you actually used nice photos

→ danielricciardo don’t speak french to me, you know it turns me on

→ maxverstappen1 i miss when you publicly hated each other

pierregasly you take that back!

pierregasly that’s it. you’re off the Christmas card list

francisca.cgomes wonderful, daniel, now he’s sulking

→ YourUserName you get used to it. they may seem cool but all f1 drivers are essentially big crybabies

→ danielricciardo hey!

→ charles_leclerc hey!

→ pierregasly hey!

→ alex_albon hey!

→ landonorris hey!

→ carlossainz55 hey!

→ georgerussell63 true

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Please request if you have any ideas you'd like to see, and I'll do my best to bring them to life <3

[elliespassagerprincess]

Mary - (ellie williams x reader)

for @fleshunger ty for being patient, ily <3

This story is based off the song Mary by Alex G, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading! There is another version to this fic! You can read it here:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are open again! send me your silly thoughts

warnings: angst.

Summary: in which you left her to rot

authors note: lmao yall probably hate me for posting so much, forgive me pookies, I swear after tomorrow i'll post less....

Mary is the girl that I wanna kiss

She's got big red eyes and big red lips

She's got big sharp teeth and big fat hips

Mary is the girl that I wanna fuck

She's got leather heart and leather gloves

She's the only girl that I wanna love

"I wanna kiss her so bad" Ellie vented to Dina.

Dina rolled her eyes at Ellie.

She was in love. Really in love.

In all the years Dina has known Ellie she has never seen her this down bad.

"What's so special about this girl anyway?" She asked as she took a bite from Ellie's sandwich.

"What type of a question is that?" Ellie asked. She felt disrespected on your behalf.

"She's got beautiful eyes- and she looks good with red lipstick. Even without lipstick, her lips are so kissable"

A small smile appeared on Dina's face as she listened to her friend describe the girl she was so deeply in love with.

"She's got big fat hips too and I just want to eat her-"

"woah Ellie calm down, that's too much information"

Ellie's face went red with embarrassment.

"How'd you meet her" Dina asked.

"at a fruit Market" Ellie replied with a shrug.

Bananas or oranges?

Bananas?

Oranges?

Ellie was currently thinking about what she should get as she stood in front of the fruit stand. Since when was it so fucking difficult to choose fruit?

"If you think harder, much you might explode" she heard someone chuckle next to her.

Ellie turned to where your voice was coming from, her heart rate suddenly increased.

Angles are fucking real.

"um- yeah" Ellie responded awkwardly.

She cleared her throat and she fixed her posture.

"Bananas or orange?" She asked you.

What the fuck Ellie? Why would you fucking ask that?

You turned your head to look at the fruit, before you reached out to grab a banana.

"It looks fresher" you shrugged as you gave the banana to her.

Your fingertips brushed against hers, and a shock of electricity ran through Ellie.

Her palms felt sweaty, she couldn't breathe.

Focus Ellie. Focus.

"Thank you" You gave her a small smile as you started walking away.

'C'mon Ellie make your move' she thought to herself.

"hey wait!" Ellie yelled as you started walking away.

You turned around to look at her.

"Can I have your number?"

"That's fucking cliché" Dina laughed.

"shut up" Ellie muttered annoyed.

The two girl fell into a comfortable silence as Ellie's thoughts wondered to you.

Oh you would've loved this salad. You would've loved this ice tea. Maybe she should've asked you to come out instead of Dina

*ding*

Ellie reached down to grab her phone. It was you.

Her girl.

Not officially her girlfriend yet, but soon.

She clicked onto the notification with your name.

"Come over please"

fuck yes

Ellie jumped up, and she looked at Dina with a grin.

"My girl is looking for me"

Dina laughed at her friends excitement.

"go get her tiger"

Ellie gave Dina a hug as she ran towards your apartment.

Today she felt confident. Today she was the day she was going to ask you to be her girlfriend. You messaging her was a sign from the gods above.

Ellie's legs were hurting, and she was out of breathe but she was on her way to finally tell the girl of her dreams that she was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Listen to me, baby, I don't mind

I wanna be with you and waste my time

Give it to me, baby, I feel good

I wanna feel whatever you think I should

Sing it for me, baby, play my song

I wanna hear your daddy sing along

Mary is the girl that leaves you to rot

She says, "I am real and you are not"

She says, "I am real and you are not"

Ellie knocked at your front door.

She kept knocking and she's been standing outside of your apartment for the last 10 minutes.

Where were you? Maybe you were laying dead on the floor?

Ellie knocked and knocked but yet you never came.

Was this a prank?

She held the doorknob as she opened the door.

It was open this whole time.

Ellie slowly walked into your apartment, and she looked around the place you called home.

It felt oddly empty.

The little trinkets you kept around was all suddenly gone.

The apartment filled with so much life at one point, suddenly dull and lifeless.

Ellie's eyes went around the room and her eyes landed on a white envelope.

On the front was your pretty handwriting and Ellie's name decorated the front.

With shaky hands Ellie picked it up, and she opened it.

Dear Ellie

Or should I say banana girl?

She chucked remembering your first interaction.

I'm sorry for what I'm about to tell you, please don't hate me. I truly never wanted to hurt you Ellie. But I know you have feelings for me. I don't feel the same way. I never wanted to reject you, because I valued our friendship too much. So for the sake of your feelings, I left. I changed my number, so you wont be able to message me. I'm sorry Els.

I love you.

Ellie didn't realize that she started shaking till she finished reading the letter.

She tore the letter apart and her knees buckled.

She fell to the ground sobbing.

You made feel so alive, but you just killed her again.

All the love Ellie had for you was rotting away into hated.

She loved you so much but you left her to rot.

[catch1ngmoths]

Alex w s/o has stretch marks and they’re insecure of it? </3 I have them NSJSJANISJS my mom would point them out at me you don’t have to do it pookie bear ‼️‼️ don’t forgor to drink water and don’t starve yourself or stress yourself!! MWAH LIVE YOU POOKIE BEAR ‼️‼️💋

˚₊‧⁺⋆♱ Tiger stripes ˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

Summary: you have have stretch marks and are quite insecure about them; on the contrary, it's one of Alex's favorite physical features about you!

Note: MY BAE! MY BAE! MY BAE!! @billkaulitzsrealgf always makes me giggle and kick my feet fr, I LOVE YOUU🙏 I also have stretch marks on my inner thighs, AND my mom also points them out so I UNDERSTANDDD!! anyways, enjoy :3

⋆｡‧₊°♱༺𓆩❦︎𓆪༻♱༉‧₊˚. ⋆｡‧₊°♱༺𓆩❦︎𓆪༻♱༉‧₊˚. ⋆｡‧₊°

The first time he noticed them, he stared for a good while. Enough for you to notice. You started to get nervous, thinking he was staring at them in disgust.

When he noticed how uncomfortable and anxious you looked, he immediately felt bad. he looked up at you and smiled softly, “your stretch marks are beautiful cariño.” Alex says softly

You don’t believe him, thinking he’s just saying that because he caught onto your insecurity. “You don’t have to lie Lex, I know they’re not the most flattering..” you say with a nervous smile

He looks exasperated as you say this, looking at you with his mouth slightly parted. “No no! I actually really love them! They’re hot” he says with a playful and dramatic wink.

You laugh and hit his shoulder, making him laugh more. Ever since that day, he always lays where your stretch marks are. If they’re on your thighs, he lays on your thighs. If they’re on your stomach, he lays on your stomach and exc.

When you’re feeling extra insecure, he’ll trace them with his fingers, even littering little kisses on them. When y’all are getting intimate, he’ll kiss them while kissing down your body RAGHHH (⊙_⊙)

He loves tracing them with his fingers while yall are cuddling and shit, like just running his fingers down them in awe. HE LOVES THE WAY THEY FEEL!!

He just loves you so much, he really doesn’t give a fuck how you look or what features you have. He just loves you and thinks anything you hate about yourself or are insecure of makes you even more unique.

If anyone points them out, in a negative way he won’t hesitate to make them shut the hell up. People can insult him all they want but the moment someone insults YOU?? His beloved? Nah he’s pissed

He’d embarrass the FUCK outta the person that insulted you. And the thing is, he wouldn’t even feel bad! He wouldn’t insult the others persons appearance or anything because he doesn’t believe in that kinda stuff but he’d make them wish they just shut their lips

He’d say something like, “are you actually okay? Like genuinely. What makes you think you were cool for pointing that out like it’s a discusting thing? Funny how nobody’s laughing” he’d say, straight faced. THE OTHER PERSONS COOKED

If multiple people online tweet something like that out he’d probably address it on stream, saying something like:

“I wanna just say something before we start stream. People have been commenting on my s/o’s physical appearance and that’s something I’m not gonna tolerate. They’re such an amazing and supportive person. I’m not and will never be okay with that and I wanna make myself really clear when I say that.”

He’d genuinely do anything for you, not really caring what other people think or say because at the end of the day he loves you and that’s all that matters in his eyes!! Bbg loves you SO MUCH!

⋆｡‧₊°♱༺𓆩❦︎𓆪༻♱༉‧₊˚. ⋆｡‧₊°♱༺𓆩❦︎𓆪༻♱༉‧₊˚. ⋆｡‧₊°

[nsingcat]

WHO IS IT? D. RICCIARDO!

summary ✶ after a few months of soft launching your boyfriend, your fans try to guess who he is but this sets daniel off !

parings ✶ daniel ricciardo x celebrity makeup artist!fem!reader!

faceclaim ✶ stenss on instagram!

type of fic ✶ smau!

notes ✶ you’re a celebrity make up artist, its not mentioned a lot but i just thought that was important 😭 brief appearances of timothee chalamet, logan lerman, jeremy allen white, austin butler, jacob elordi & nicholas galitzine! daniel being down bad, & swearing!

#INSTAGRAM: YOURUSERNAME !

liked by sabrinacarpenter, user, tchalamet and 652,139 others!

yourusername the best passenger princess 😽💫

view comments

user when are we gonna see this man yn

➥ yourusername SOON SOON I PROMISE i just wanna edge yall a little longer <3

user shes so gorgeous omfg

user its been 6 months.. we ain’t never gon see mystery man 😒

user tutorial for this look NOWW

user guys what if her boyfriend is like really famous

➥ user wow kid genius who would’ve thought 😐

➥ user OOUH that sounded really bratty

user hey guys that’s actually me in the last photo!

user THE MAKEUPPP >>>

user the way its been like 6 months and we still don’t know who this man this

user am i the only one who thinks its charles ?? or at least max ?

➥ user well yes!

user does anyone have theories on who her boyfriend could be ??

➥ user theres a whole thread on twitter !! its by @/username 😭😭

nicholasgalitzine i know something you all don’t know 🥸

➥ user MF WHAT DOES THIS ENTAIL??

➥ user i hate yall

➥ yourusername NICHOLAS SHUT UP

user whoever she is with, sleep with one eye open. 😾

sabrinacarpenter yall are cute or whatever..

➥ yourusername not as cute as u 😛

➥ sabrinacarpenter omg r we gonna kiss rn

➥ yourusername MWAH 😽

#TWITTER: THE THREAD !

#TEXT MESSAGES: DANIEL x YOU !

#INSTAGRAM: YOURUSERNAME !

liked by danielricciardo, tchalamet, user and 932,638 others!

yourusername thank you to everyone on the internet who decided to give my wonderful boyfriend a literal heart attack by shipping me with other men 💔💔 ＠danielricciardo here’s your hard launch pookie <33

view comments

danielricciardo WOW NO SAPPY CAPTION? 😾

➥ yourusername yk i could just say this is a lie and let them ship me with charles still.

➥ danielricciardo DONT YOU DARE.

➥ charles_leclerc love you yn but please don’t !!

➥ yourusername i like alex more anyway 😽

danielricciardo CAN I POST MINE NOW BABY

➥ yourusername HELL YEAH OFC YOU CAN AREGGH

user oh my god

user I WAS NOT EXPECTING DANIEL???

user WAITTT THEYRE SO CUTTEEE

maxverstappen1 finally 🙏🏻 i was tired of him acting as if he was gonna die without being able to date you in public. also im tired of everyone shipping us 🤢🤢

➥ yourusername PEOPLE WERE SHIPPING US TOO?? EURRHGHHH

➥ maxverstappen1 okay you’re doing TOO much.

user max knew too?!! how tf did he keep it quiet for so long 😭😭

user THE KISS MARKS ON HIS FACE 😵���💫

user ME AND WHO?? 🙁🙁

user girl date me instead 🧎‍♀️

➥ danielricciardo get up tf 🧎‍♀️🔫

➥ user OH??

landonorris congratulations you two 🎉 (daniel you owe me 20,000 pounds)

➥ yourusername FOR WHAT ???

➥ danielricciardo me and lando had a bet on who would spill our secret first 🙁

landonorris YEAAAH IM RICH 👯‍♀️💷💷

#INSTAGRAM: DANIELRICCIARDO !

liked by yourusername, nicholasgalitzine, user, and 864,124 others!

danielricciardo YES SHES MY GIRLFRIEND (SOON TO BE WIFE). NOT ANY OF THOSE OTHER WHITE BOYS 🚫🫵🏼!!! STOP SHIPPING HER WITH THEM 😾!! i love you gorgeous @/yourusername

view comments

user SHES SO GORGEOUS WTFF

➥ danielricciardo I KNOW RIGHTT 😫😫

user pink is so her color omgg

user THE MICHAEL MYERS PIC?? daniel pls tell me you were michael.

➥ danielricciardo 🤭

user AHHHHH

user her hairr i need a 360 rn

tchalamet heartbroken to know that i’m referred to as just “any of those other white boys” 💔

➥ jeremyallenwhite yeaah me too! i haven’t done anything 😂

➥ jacobelordi me three 😞 yn i thought we were friends

➥ austinbutler i thought so as well ! daniel me & you seemed to get along very well!

➥ loganlerman idk where i fit into all of this but i too am offended ! 🤨

➥ danielricciardo well WOMP WOMP 🫵🏼 also austin me and you do get along very well. STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND.

➥ yourusername DANIEL DONT EMBARRASS ME LIKE THIS WHAT OMG

➥ danielricciardo sorry baby, gotta assert my dominance over these men 😮‍💨

user hang on im trying to spell gorjus 🙏🏼

user THE SUSPECTS COMMENTING IJBOLL

charles_leclerc cheers to the happy couple 🎉 (and to me for being free from the yn x charles rumors 🙏🏼🙏🏼)

yourusername im sorry charles 🙁 say hi to alex for me tho 😽

user oh she’s already my favorite wag

➥ user HER PADDOCK OUTFITS & MAKEUP ARE GONNA EATTT

user the hand placement in the yacht pic omfg???

user my parents fr

user if yall break up im gonna do something VERY bad.

nicholasgalitzine im so glad you guys are finally bringing this to the public.. it was getting exhausting to try and keep my mouth shut 💔

➥ yourusername we appreciate you very much nicholas 🫶🏼😛

yourusername i love you so much baby 🥹

➥ danielricciardo I LOVE YOU MORE BABY 🥺🥺😽😽😽🫶🏼🫶🏼❤️❤️

nymphia talks ! this is my first fic & i hope you all enjoy it ☺️🫶🏼! there’s not much i wanna add tbh so erm yeah! <3

[bittersweetsky3]

my breakdown of the uswnt players

ashlyn harris: big gay, “most beautiful brick wall we’ve ever seen” -kyle krieger, underrated goalkeeper, bitch™, 1/2 of “pookie���, 1/2 of krashlyn, loves babies and would be the best mom

ali krieger: kriegs, kriegy, kriegyboo, best right back in the world? yes. tough as nails and had the final touches on the ball during the world cup after not being called up for 2 years, won’t ever be seen without her mascara, softie, 1/2 of krashlyn, apparently can play forward as of the uswnt vs ireland victory tour game??? okay

mallory pugh: baby, made uswnt debut at 17, mini trackstar, i can definitely see her as a future alex morgan in terms of goals, dork, somehow managed to be on the national team and be in college at the same time

tobin heath: the coolest cat there ever was, will break your ankles and steal your soul, nutmeg queen ™, looks like she will kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll, surfer dude, dresses like a frat guy, 1/2 of harry, 1/2 of preath, came out of the womb in her tar heels jersey, loves jordan (basketball), and remember kids— you can’t copy cool.

christen press: peace? she is peace, yoga god, can run 32mph and will make you look like an idiot trying to catch her, soft but isn’t afraid to steal your soul with a nutmeg, def watches marie kondo, 1/2 of preath, stanford—actually set their all time scoring record

alex morgan: janice, radiates big gay energy but is surprisingly straight, 100 goals and counting, every goal keepers worst nightmare, looks like she will kill you but is actually soft, a big dork, pink headband ™ , the most popular of the bunch and honestly, rightly so. this woman is a fricking superstar.

emily sonnett: sonny, son, dasani, self proclaimed sit down comedian, frat daddy jr, a walking meme, uswnt professional hype man, big dumbass but we love her, kelley is training her in defense, will score goals in the most random yet most crucial of times (see portland thorns fc playoffs)

kelley o’hara: frat daddy, KO, kevin, karen from legal, worms, scare queen, middle child “we need a bitch, get kelley” -jill ellis, a medical miracle— somehow survived a concussion during the world cup final and then proceeded to drink for the next 7 days to celebrate, will never have to pay for beer ever again, chaotic, mother of her adopted crackheads (sonnett & rose), iconically kissed her girlfriend after the world cup win, stanford, great long balls for assists, has played every position except goalkeeper, brick wall

lindsey horan: THE GREAT HORAN, linessi (for her love of messi), sneaky, best midfielder in my opinion, killer foot, player with the second most number of fouls in the nwsl but also one of the most fouled, amazing assists and headers, went pro straight out of high school bc she’s just great like that, won the ball in duels 116 more times than anyone else in the league (nwsl)

tierna davidson: little t, t, baby gay™, pulls her injured girlfriend around in a wagon, stanford, calm, def a book nerd, probably the most normal out of the bunch, baby becky, under the radar but i can see her becoming big in the future—becky is training her, owns a kelley o’hara stanford jersey and loves it maybe more than anything

allie long: wine mom, 1/2 of harry, 1/2 of pookie, not much to say about her tbh, great passes, loves scaring people, hangs with kelley and alex a lot, content provider, doesn’t get a whole lot of minutes anymore but when she does get them, she doesn’t often disappoint, solid defense most of the time

sam mewis: tower of power, panic petunia, tallest women’s soccer player in history, pale besties with rose, great midfielder, will take the ball from you mid-game if you’re just standing there and not doing anything with it (see wwc final), scored in the top 1% of an IQ test the uswnt and usmnt held, loves reading and harry potter, chaotic when with rose & sonnett

rose lavelle: sweet baby rose, def the next generation of greatness, pale af and she knows it, dork, loves her dog, wilma, more than anything in the world, killer left foot, loves twitter, she’s from ohio and proud of it (i’m biased lol)

crystal dunn: dunny, constantly dancing, has played every position besides goalkeeper—sometimes multiple in one game, worked her ass off to make the 2019 world cup roster after being cut in 2015, bitch is drowning in awards (like seriously, this girl is amazing), underrated friendship with tobin

becky sauerbrunn: broon, usually rolls her sleeves, fishtail braid that she’s not afraid to whip in your face, the united states secretary of defense, loves cats and science fiction, nobody makes her bleed her own blood, got cut in the world cup final and still played the rest of the game despite needing 6 stitches, sophisticated, legally not allowed to leave us until she gets a goal

alyssa naeher: uncle, loves her crosswords, underrated, underestimated, under appreciated, saved our asses in the world cup game against england, quiet but soft

julie ertz: JJ, invented marriage, tough as nails, blue headband ™, will slide tackle anyone who enters her field of vision, she is usually bleeding by the end of a game, uses her body as a weapon, killer headers when she gets the chance, occasionally dresses like a frat guy

abby dahlkemper: bellpepper, this girl beat a sepsis infection and the chance of losing her leg. if that doesn’t say bad ass, idk what will. flies under the radar most of the time but plays some great long balls, especially for alex

carli lloyd: carlos, carla, oldest player on the team and she’s still got it, probably will retire soon :( , loves ice baths, queen of new jersey, beast from the east, can score from midfield and has, truly just legendary and did so much for women’s soccer

morgan brian: moe, bean, second most normal of the bunch, don’t really get to see her play much but when she does, she’s tricky, loves pick up soccer, even though she’s young, she’s a ‘15er, one of four to ever win the MAC hermann trophy two years in a row, kinda died (metaphorically) for a bit and everyone sorta forgot about her after the 2015 world cup but we still love her!

megan rapinoe: pinoe, sorta controversial, love her or hate her, she gets the job done, outspoken, NOT going to the white house, so proud of her younger teammates, big goals, big moments, leaves an impression, occasionally referred to as president pinoe, dating sue bird of the wmba

adrianna franch: AD, one of our goalkeepers, doesn’t get a lot of minutes but that doesn’t mean she’s not good— if you want to see her in action, watch a portland thorns fc game!! chill, funny, engaged to her gorgeous girlfriend

jessica macdonald: jmac, the only mom on the team, doesn’t play often so there’s not much to say about her but she does really well on her club team (north carolina courage), chill

let me know if i forgot anything!!

[virgil-at-hot-topic]

Alex:

Every single day

I walk down the street

I hear people say,

"Baby's so sweet"

Ever since puberty

Everybody stares at me

Boys, girls -

I can't can't help it baby

So be kind

Don't lose your mind

Just remember that I'm your baby

Take me for what I am

Who I was meant to be

And if you give a damn

Take me baby or leave me

Take me baby or leave me

A tiger in a cage

Can never see the sun

This diva needs his stage

Baby - let's have fun!

You are the one I choose

Folks would kill to fill your shoes

You love the limelight too, now baby

So be mine

And don't waste my time

Cryin' - "Oh Honeybear - are you still my baby?"

Take me for what I am

Who I was meant to be

And if you give a damn

Take me baby or leave me

No way - can I be what I'm not

But hey - don't you want your man hot!

Don't fight - don't lose your head

Cause every night - who's in your bed?

Who's in your bed, baby?

Kiss Pookie~

Janus:

It won't work.

I look before I leap

I love margins and discipline

I make lists in my sleep

Baby what's my sin?

Never quit - I follow through

I hate mess - but I love you

What to do

With my impromptu baby

So be wise

This man satisfies

You've got a prize

But don't compromise

You're one lucky baby

Take me for what I am

Alex

A control freak

Janus:

Who I was meant to be

Alex:

A snob - yet over-attentive

Janus:

And if you give a damn

Alex:

A lovable, droll geek

Janus:

Take me baby or leave me

Alex:

And anal retentive

Both:

That's it!

Janus:

The straw that breaks my back

Both:

I quit

Janus:

Unless you take it back

Both:

Men

Alex:

What is it about them?

Both:

Can't live -

With them -

Or without them!

Take me for what I am

Who I was meant to be

And if you give a damn

Take me baby or leave me

Take me baby

Or leave me

Guess I'm leavin'

I'm gone!

[murdershegoat]

sanvers headcanon where they start sarcastically calling each other gross couple-y nicknames all the time because they both hate it and they both love teasing the shit out of each other.

it escalates very quickly, and gets more and more ridiculous as it does. It graduates from ‘honey’ and ‘dear’, to ‘shnoogems’ and ‘pork chop’, to ‘peggy wegs’ and ‘lexie loo’ and ‘pookie pie’ ‘maggle waggle wiggle woo’ (alex crosses a line with that one) and all shit like that. it gets a bit out of control. And they ONLY EVER DO IT IN PRIVATE BECAUSE CAN U IMAGINE IF ANYBODY KNEW HOW EMBARRASSING OMG

BUT it becomes such a Thing™, such a habit for the both of them that one day they’re at the deo and they’re in the cafeteria because it’s lunchtime and they’re making coffee and alex goes ‘hey Sugar Booger, can you pass me the creamer’

and the whole room goes quiet because yes that just came out of alex danvers’ mouth and yes every single DEO agent just heard it and is staring at them and maggie is bright red and alex just freezes and does not move at all and j’onn is just staring at her with a really disappointed look on his face and they’re forced to walk to a table together with absolutely everybody watching their every step. all alex can think is that the one reprieve from the situation is that kara was not there to witness it because holy shit can you imagine they would never live it down

weeks go by and one night they have what kara has dubbed Sanvers Night (which is essentially the danvers sisters and maggie eating a lot of pizza and lol of course kara has included herself in the portmanteau of sanvers) and they’re all on the couch and the beers are right near maggie and kara goes ‘hey Sugar Booger could you pass me a beer please’ and she says it with a straight face and maggie is red again and alex just takes a really long drag of her beer and goes ‘kara if you bring this up again i swear to god i will shoot you with a kryptonite bullet’ and kara just scoffs and goes ‘whatever you say, Sir Snugsalot’ and alex turns to maggie, scandalised and betrayed and just goes ‘you TOLD HER SIR SNUGSALOT?’