#but they asked me if i was ok with showing her stuff and i was like ahaha yeah ok
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OK OK OK FOLLOWING THE PREGNANCY STORYLINE LETS IMAGINE ISHA IS HERE A CUTE FLUFFY THING WITH EITHER ISHA MEETING THE BABY OR FINDING OUT READER IS PREGNANT AND THAT SHES GONNA BE A BIG SIS
Our family
Jinx x Fem!Reader ft. Isha (plus a little bonus with Sevika)
Fluff
A continuation from the fic „My Everything“ https://www.tumblr.com/insomniadreamzz/772011828255621120/hey-how-are-you-i-wanted-to-request-gp-jinx-x
You still remember when Isha found out she gonna be a big sister, the way her eyes were literally glowing with happiness. Isha was mute but she expressed her happiness clearly, already doing little doodles of her and her sister together with you and Jinx. The way she put her little head on your baby bump to feel her sister kick, it was just too cute.
Jinx already set up some stuff for the little one, making sure youre gonna have everything you needed when the baby will arrive and soon it happened.
You can still remember how Jinx held your hand and never left your side. Singed, the only doctor here in Zaun also made an appearance to make sure everything went well. He wasn’t used to be part of something like that very often but he was glad he could help you out in that situation. Jinx kisses on your forehead and the way she encouraged you during that hard time, it was still stuck in your head how gentle and loving she can be and then it happened. When you first heard your little one cry, both of you shed tears of happiness, feeling relieved that everything went good. It was a little girl.
When you both got back home after that, Jinx immediately ushered you to bed, figuring you must be tired as you had your newborn in your arms, Jinx never leaving your side.
„Look how cute she is…our little one…“ She cooed, holding you close as she admired your daughter, making you smile so happily. „Of course she is, she is ours.“ You mentioned, looking into your girlfriend’s eyes. „What should we name her?“ You asked and Jinx already got an idea, something that she was thinking about for a longer time now since she knew you are pregnant.
„Powder.“ Jinx said, making your eyes widen in confusion, knowing it was Jinx‘s actual name. „Powder?“ You asked, Jinx nodding in response. „Yes. I want to have a good connection to that name now. Every time I hear it I have to think about myself when I was younger and…certain things happened but I want to forget that. I want to be happy hearing the name Powder and not feel triggered anymore by that name. She will be a better Powder, not like me. I am Jinx now, Powder died in me but we can make her be a better Powder than I was.“ You heard her voice crack a little, seeing little tears running down her cheeks. This really meant a lot to Jinx, you knew it. „Then she will be Powder.“ You agreed with her, using your free hand to caress her back gently, getting back her attention towards you. „Thank you my love.“ She said before placing a little kiss on your lips.
The moment got interrupted by little footsteps, it was Isha who curiously walked up to you, Jinx shifting to make space for Isha between you both. „Isha! Come here, say hello to your little sister.“ Jinx said, letting the girl slip beside you as she looked at the little one with wide happy eyes, her small hand gently touching Powder as if welcoming her.
„Now you are a big sister. You can show her everything when she gets a little bigger, cool right?“ You said, Isha nodding at your words, feeling really happy to be a big sister now plus she was excited to have someone to play with in the future as well.
You talked a little more this evening until all of you just fell asleep. Powder on your chest and Isha sleeping between you and Jinx, all cuddled up in one bed. It was a very peaceful moment. Jinx slept for the first time very happily and calm, the voices in her head not bothering her at all. She was truly happy for the first time and she won’t let anyone destroy this happy life she had.
The next morning Sevika was on her way to Jinx’s hideout, it’s been a while since she showed up, probably hanging around in the Last Drop or doing her usual work. Sevika knew Jinx from when Silco took her with him so she felt like she had to look for her every now and then, making sure Jinx was alright.
„Jinx where the fuck are-…“ She started but stopped immediately in her tracks as she saw Jinx holding a baby while you and Isha were still sleeping cuddled up together. „Where did that baby come from?“ She asked with a raised eyebrow, not trusting this situation for now.
„That’s my daughter which came right out of my girlfriend if you want to know.“ Jinx replied with her usual sassy behavior. Sevika didn’t want to know any more details, shaking it off as she stepped closer to Jinx, having a closer look at the baby. „That’s…really yours?“ She asked again, being a little bit shocked, Jinx nodding in response. „Yep! Does auntie Sevika want to say hello to little Powder? Or are you gonna chicken out?“ Obviously Jinx had to tease Sevika but the older woman didn’t let her make her annoyed as she just nodded. Jinx helped Sevika to hold Powder with her arm, the baby looking even smaller in her strong arm. „There you go.“
Sevika stared at the baby with a unusual soft gaze. „Aw…did you just say auntie Sevika?“ She asked to be sure. „Of course! You’re the only one left who’s like a family to me after Silco died.“ Jinx became soft as she said that, thinking it was about time to speak the truth to Sevika, making the other womans eyes water a little. „Silco would be so happy and proud of you Jinx.“ Sevika mentioned, making Jinx almost cry but she held back her tears. Instead a little tear rolled down Sevika‘s cheek. „Are you crying?“ Jinx tilted her head as she gazed at Sevika who just shook her head. „No I am not.“ She said, making Jinx chuckle in response. „Damn you are a bad liar.“
And with that both started chuckling.
#x reader#fanfiction#female reader#x fem!reader#short imagine#lgbtq#arcane#arcane fanfic#jinx#jinx x fem!reader#jinx x y/n#jinx and isha#jinx arcane#jinx x reader#arcane imagine#isha arcane#x female y/n#x female reader#fluff
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Heyy! Hope you're doing well:) First off I would like to say that your art is absolutely scrumptious and I LIVE for all the wonderful Chaggie content you feed us!! You really do one of my fav WlW ships justice fr and for that I thank you 💗💗 (don't mean to bootlick so much but you really are awesome)
But yeah so I had two questions if that's ok:) also sorry if anyone's already asked these before at all! I haven't caught up with posts so I might be out of the loop!
1) I absolutely looove your characterisation of Charlie being more of the simp (outwardly, that is, lol), but are you planning on doing more swooning Vaggie content perchance? No pressure ofcc, it's your page haha- just wondering! cause Cha Cha is my fav so I personally love Vaggie being written as the absolute hopeless simp hahahaha
And 2) have you watched arcane by any chance? It's been consuming me lately, especially the Vi X Caitlyn train (WHICH-- THEIR DYNAMICS RLLY REMIND ME OF CHAGGIE IN SOME ASPECTS ICL)
Anygayss, thanks for all you do to fuel fandom spaces, your work is greatly appreciated and loved!! Hope you have a lovely day/night💗💗💗💗
Thank you!
1) oh well Charlie's more the simp in my art because she's the one who wears her heart in her sleeve. She's for the visual stuff? So for Vaggie, I prefer to show her simping in my writing instead, which is why most of my chaggie fics are in her pov. Really get into her head. I do occasionally have her swooning/getting flustered still of course, but ig it's a lot more subtle. Most of the time.
2) yes i do watch arcane and am a caitvi enjoyer lol. Funnily enough i didnt wanna watch it at first, but my brothers play League of Legends and they occasionally make me watch the cinematics/music videos, so inevitably they made me watch Arcane with them when it came out years ago too. I ended up getting more invested with it than they were lmao
#asks#they still do love it tho#i have also been told about the other sapphic ships in runeterra and i look forward to seeing them someday in the show
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What chapters would you say are your favourite characterisations for each of the voices? I ask because a lot of the way they act is very much based on what chapter they’re in :3c
Ooooohhh, that's a good one…… I take all the different ways they're portrayed in these chapters in consideration to inform different facets of them, but if I were to choose a favorite, let's see–
Contrarian: As much as I like seeing their more spiteful side in Fury and Apotheosis, and their line readings in Razor is fucking top-notch, nothing can beat the character arc they go through in Stranger for me. It's just. so good. Love this clown who's full of resentment and guilt <3
Cheated: Torn between Cage and Wraith…… Wraith, because seeing her bond with Cold over their mutual hatred for the narrator is just so fun, and how she goes about suggesting throwing Wraith in the pit ("Fuck those two. Let's flip the table!" how Contrarian of you Cheated) is just incredible to me. But I also really like how Cage shows that as sympathetic as Cheated can be, she can still fall into doing cruel things just to assert control over her circumstances, even to her own detriment. That's some good stuff.
Skeptic: EotN Skeptic, my beloved…… I feel like after pris-cut, people started focusing too much on Cage for Skeptic's characterization. Which doesn't feel fair, when that's him at his most stressed and desperate to cling to any semblance of control. It's still a very interesting look into his character, but people seem to be taking that as his default, and not him in dire circumstances. In Eye of the Needle, though, Skeptic is much calmer and even friendly, trying to gas Stubborn up to get him to help. He has a theory and a very simple set of circumstances to test, and even seems a bit excited to test it. Also shout out to Den Skeptic, the moment when he realizes the Princess is more than just a moment is everything to me. He's got low empathy, but he tries to be fair to others <3
Smitten: Sighs, really wish we got to see more of him, really feels like out of anyone, his character is really underexplored, which is a shame. Character-wise, though, gotta give it to Burned Grey. He's just…… so fucking devastated, lashing out at everyone around him, and the way he quickly switches up the moment we see the princess aikskkdmdk This chapter is what really shows where Smitten's priorities are to me. Her safety. Her happiness. At the expense of anyone and anything, even himself. And if he has to hurt, to burn alive, to get to it, he will.
Stubborn: Listen…… the way he managed to have such good chemistry with Adversary despite never speaking to her directly is just sijsjddjjdjdjf SO GOOD SIKSKDKJDKFJ. And I love, LOOOOOVE how he isn't the cliché 'ew, emotions' kinda tough guy. No, he feels, and he feels STRONGLY, you can even get him and Ada to sob in this route I'm just simskjdmdjjdjfj THEM!!!
Broken: Call me a contrarian (heh), but I love seeing Broken getting worse and doubling down on his devotion lol. It's more engaging, OK? And how spiteful and even mean he gets in Tower-Fury is just so good akmskkdmmdjdjd
Hunted: Den with Skeptic…… Just. Seeing this lil guy who was so so afraid of Beast finally get to understand her, to connect to her, and be the one urging you to reach out to her is SO GOOD. Also, the ending where you end up trapped under the rocks with her, when Hunted realizes there's no escape, and it just says it'll lay down and rest for a moment…… OUGH.
Opportunist: Gotta go with Wraith for him too aikskdjdjdjdis Not only is him hilarious there, but also surprisingly competent??? He actually manages to successfully suck up to the princess here???? The surprise factor of it matched with just how funny he is really bumped him up for me when I first saw this version of the route lol
Cold: Another one where their own route just can't be beaten to me akmskddmxmdm. I just love how even after murdering her in cold blood and suggesting we try to kill her again, Cold still gets along with the Princess so well. I also just really like his insights in this route when you decide to free her, about where does a world ends and another begins. It just goes to show how detached he is from reality. (Also, him casually insulting the Narrator every other sentence is just too good lol).
Paranoid: Apotheosis……… What I think is interesting though, is that while on the outside, it looks like Paranoid is 'winning' here, I think she's never been losing it more. She just confirmed that there are no fucking rules. This world is whatever they think it can be. And for someone with a lot of intrusive thoughts (no, it isn't Cold who's 'intrusive thoughts personified', stop calling him that, it's medically inaccurate and honestly insulting to people who actually suffer from intrusive thoughts), the mere idea of it is TERRIFYING. And I think she reaizes that just as they go to that epic fight, which is why she laughs like that, and why the fall is so hard on her and immediately makes her back down and feel like everything's doomed again. For a person full of delusions and intrusive thoughts, the construct is a fucking nightmare world (pun intended).
Hero: Now, for him, I just can't choose one route for his characterization. Out of all the voices, I think he's the most important one to really take into account how he can act in each route when characterizing him. I love his complexities and different facets so much, I made them into a plural system wkmsdmdkdmd he's just. sighs. Hero, my beloved <3
#Me: *thoughtful analysis of the voices' characterization*#Also Me: WIMSKJSMDJDJFDJ THEM SO GOOD!!!#The Duality of Fox#slay the princess#stp voices#stp meta#sal rambles#mailbox
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ok so does star and chris vape or smoke cigarettes or is it only weed? So random ik but i just wanna know more abt themmm
you guys could ask me how they like their coffee and i’d still be so excited to talk about it. literally my fav ask i get are random i LOVE showing more of them that i can’t just always throw into the story!
Star: Star’s not really into nicotine, but she’s tried vapes before—more for the fun flavors and cute packaging than anything else. Mostly, though, it’s just weed for her.
Chris: Chris will occasionally smoke a cigarette when he’s stressed—picked up that habit from Evelyn back when she used to smoke, before she got sick and quit. But yes, weed is his main thing. He’s always got a joint on him, either behind his ear under a fitted hat or in his pocket. He’s been smoking since he was 13, so his tolerance is crazy high. It barely hits him anymore unless it’s top-tier stuff, he just gets touchy.
#ⓘdarksturnz#𐔌 .⋮ANON.ᐟ꒱#𐔌 .⋮star!reader.ᐟ꒱#𐔌 .⋮artist!chris.ᐟ꒱#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo blurb
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OMG U WRITE FOR MAVUIKA!??!?!? WHATTTTT??????
Bro I dont think I have seen a yandere fic of her which is down right torture since NATLAN LITTERLY CAME OUT MONTHS AGO???
Either way, would it be ok for me to place a request for her?
If yes, could I please ask for some yan! Mavuika hc with a darling who is on hunger strike?(bacically refuses to eat unless freed)
Also, how r u? How r u feeling? Let me tell you girl(sorry for the long ask/request/idk😭), you and anybody who is willing to write for yandere Mavuika, deserves nothing but painless periods with 0% cramps.
AHHHHH 😍😍😍 Thank you for the sweet words (same goes to you 🎀), I‘m doing good btw. I hope you’re doing good too <333.
And you’re so right, like why doesn’t anyone write any Mavuika stuff?!!! 😭
Like yesterday I searched for some Mavuika stories, but the search only showed me Masterlists for some reason 💀
So I decided to take matters into my own hands and feed myself and all the Pookies that also need Mavuika Stories/Headcanons etc. 😤✨
𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕄𝕒𝕧𝕦𝕚𝕜𝕒 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥'𝕤 𝕠𝕟 ℍ𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕣 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕚𝕜𝕖 (ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤)
𝕄𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 - 𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 𝕀𝕞𝕡𝕒𝕔𝕥
𝔹𝕠𝕪𝕔𝕠𝕥𝕥 𝕃𝕚𝕤𝕥
Pairing: Yandere Mavuika x Reader
Fandom: Genshin Impact
Warnings: Obsessiveness, Force Feeding, Threatening, (intended) Self - Harm, Manipulation
English isn’t my first/native language, so there might be misspellings.
Also, I do Not own any Characters like Mavuika.
Anyway, have fun reading this :) (Especially the sweet anon that requested this 🫶🏻)
Obsession Fueled by Control
Mavuika sees your hunger strike as a challenge to her authority and love. It frustrates her deeply but also heightens her obsession. In her mind, your refusal to eat only cements her need to "save" you from yourself.
Manipulative Tactics
She plays the role of the caring lover, bringing you your favorite meals and pretending to be heartbroken over your stubbornness. She’ll whisper soft reassurances: "I only want what’s best for you, my darling. Why won’t you trust me?"
Breaking Your Resolve
Mavuika might employ psychological tactics to break your hunger strike. She would eat in front of you, savoring every bite while commenting on how delicious it is, knowing the scent and sight might tempt you.
Force Feeding
If desperation takes hold, she might resort to physically forcing you to eat. Holding you close, she might sweetly yet menacingly whisper: "I can’t let you hurt yourself, love. If you won’t eat willingly, I’ll make sure you do."
Threatening Self - Harm
When all else fails, Mavuika might turn to dramatic acts of self-harm to guilt you into compliance. "If you won’t take care of yourself, I’ll make sure we both waste away together!"
Have a good day/night/evening/morning/afternoon ☼꥟☽
#Genshin Impact#Genshin#Mavuika#Genshin Impact Mavuika#Mavuika Genshin Impact#Genshin Mavuika#Mavuika Genshin#Yandere Mavuika#Yandere Mavuika x Reader#Reader x Yandere Mavuika#Yandere Mavuika x Y/n#Y/n x Yandere Mavuika#Mavuika x Reader#Reader x Mavuika#Mavuika x Y/n#Y/n x Mavuika#Natlan#Yandere
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TPOT 14 big spoilers . Gonna talk about Gattwo stuff because who else will HAHA!
On how Two 's treatment of Gaty is not actually condusive of a healthy stable friendship in the slightest, and actually reflects poorly on themself as a person
Two never once considers what GATY wants or how she feels. Clock had asked to stay and exhibited that he had things to atone for with Winner. Two kept Gaty around because they wanted to keep talking to her frequently.
The tpot elimination area is both (assuredly) safe from One AND more peaceful than cleaning up an endless pile of stuff all the time. At least with Clock, the cleaning was his way of earning his right to stay on set. Two never considered if she wants to be here like this. There was no scene like with Clock where Two was like: "hey I don't want to send you to the elimination area so instead you'll stay here" and instead its like "hey I did you this cool favour, which you neither expected nor asked for!" kind of shows their attitude towards Gaty.
Maybe Two also assumes that Gaty would be okay with this because 'their friendship is worth the struggle' or something like that. But again they just assume that this is what she wants and also doesn't think about how eliminated contestants are literally going missing.
With how much Gaty listens to Two, they don't really listen to her. Even if she was completely fine and happy with the new situation, the fact that they don't think about the consequences of this will directly result in her being taken by One anyway.
I love you Two "my-poor-decision-making-will-eventually-come-back to-haunt-me,-yet-I-will-learn-nothing-from-it-and-repeat-the-same-mistakes-over-and-over" Tpot
#two tpot#gaty tpot#bfdi#yellow says stuff#gattwo#everyone just listen to me#'cool new gig i got you huh?' not 'how are you liking things here?'#not 'how are you feeling?' no nothinggggg ?#not to mention Gaty comes back for Two time and time again and they can't even ask her what she wants?#'shes happy and ok with it' does not make what they do okay you know that right#object show
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Turns out Sunlit Trail isn't quite done just yet, so after all that they just send you to a dead end 😂
#rain world#comic#rw chasing wind#sunlit Trail#Hunter#Art#Chasing wind spoilers#I can't imagine anyone filters that tag but just in case sksksks#ANYWAYS turns out mod is way better than I expected and it's super well made.#So far made the trip as hunter (first time) then riv and now working on arti.#For arti I realized that howling rifts led to sub and sub led to dar shore so I was like sweet! A shortcut!#Now imagine for a sec trying to get through a parkcore + miros bird gauntlet with a corpse and a worm within 5 cycles#before the scav ran out of karma and you were stuck inside forever. Yeah#Besides that tho I've been messing around and been very tenderly modding the game.#Turns out you can have a bit of fun with most sprites without too much effort by simply cloning the MSC mod in your files#Then changing the copy's mod info so it doesn't clash and simply swapping images out for whatever you want#As long as you have the sprite name you can do this. You can also change region names and decals and music all sorts of stuff.#In short I've been brewing a custom mod for a friend to make her suffer as much as possible <3#Thanks to a buddy on the rw server for showing me that trick btw lol. The best cesspool I've ever participated in#Oh before I forget- the symbol on CW's head is completely made up. They just looked so... Bald.#Tbh I wasn't expecting their personality to be so... bright? Most interpretations make them kinda solemn and gloomy#But nah this CW is what NSH should've been 100%. I like them. Not gonna spoil too much but their situation is somehow so... chill.#Still bad tho!#Other fun news! There's a scammer going around on discord that's basically like ''bad news I reported you for fraud''#And they're getting a lot of people. My buddy that owned my home server got hit and we lost everything. It's all OK tho nobody was hurt#I keep trying to ask them questions on my alts but they're ignoring me... I kinda wanna bait them into doing the scam with me#to see how far I get before they catch on 😜#Wasting a scammer's time is never a waste of time#Ah I had more to say but I reached my tag max. Till next time- hopefully my animation project will be done by then!
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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My unpopular bg3 opinion is they tried way too hard to make some of these characters mean and flippant which is meant to make the player more interested in them and clearly this has worked on many (good for you !) but personally i could not care less. If 80% of what a character has to say to me is bitchy i will simply leave them at camp for most of the game
#Is this a skill issue of mine yeah maybe. I just find it annoying#At best and off-putting at worst like is there no better way to show that shadowheart is going through stuff/have her be mean that isnt#Her getting pissy that you have respect for a bunch of dead slaves#That was wild. I didnt ask her either she just had the need to let me know she thinks these slaves aint shit bc they didnt fight back#Thanks larian!#Wild take maybe idk but i dont think that makes her interesting i think it makes her off-putting. In this case#I generally like shadowheart this just sure is a thing to have her say. And not give the player an option to respond in any way#Ill get over this single line but im mad now. This isn't the only instance of this#I guess both larian and bioware think that characters thinking slavery is kinda ok is not a deal breaker#Txt#I know that these characters soften during the game. I have played a fair amount of it. I did shadowhearts quest i know whats up. Still#In both her and astarions case i think theyre written to have some wild takes on whats Ok to do that get kinda swept under the rug#if you manage to shove them in a Good direction. But u dont. Actively see them grapple with any of it#They just suddenly go wow im better now. Yay. I suddenly dont want to enslave other people for my power (in astarions case)#Like this switch flipped bc of my one roll? Idk. Im not super convinced#I know this is how the game works. I just think it could have been written better
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how do i ask my sister hey can i write my oc and your oc. Having sex
#HOW DO I ASK HER I GENUINELY DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S A PURITAN OR NOT#I THINK SHE GETS FREAKY(online) WITH EHR GIRLFRIEND AND STUFF BUT LIKE. IS SHE OK WITH THAT ON OUR OCS????!#i could also just write it anyways and not show her but what if she finds it and shoots me with her gun#alternatively i could just make a chai bot of one of them idk
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Save me middle aged whiteman....whiteman save me
#jane journals#self insert talk#vent#🍞 my bread and butter 🍞#siiiigh had a bit of a rough go at work 😅#i took a closing shift tonight by switching with a coworker and my manager got mad#cause i ASSUMED the coworker i traded with would tell her since shes the one who asked ME but she didnt#and then as im closing the shop down i was wheeling the vacuum back to its place and..#bumped a shelf. a shelf with two huge glass jars of candy 😭😭#then i had to go and deal with that AS I WAS GETTING READY TO LEAVE#but its ok i got it cleaned up and now im omw home 😮💨😮💨#and ill get to watch more show and see....him 🥺🥺💖💖💖#and try to draw stuff maybe#AND my partners coming home from work trip!! so maybe ill get them to watch with me hehe 👉👈
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😐
#ive been added to this gc for the 3rd or 4th time after i explicitly asked to NOT be added back bc im always fucking getting ignored like#last time the person who added me was like omg i hope this is ok and i was like no it’s actually not ok i dont wanna be added back please#dont add me back and she was like omg im so sorry i totally understand :( and she did it again 😑#the reason i didnt wanna be added back was bc i considered them my best friends at some point but ever since like the p*ndemic started#everything just went downhill and on one hand i understand they have their own lives and don’t have time to answer etc but on the other hand#they never had time to reply to MYYYYYY messages specifically 🙃 and it hurt bitch to be always the one ignored#and the reason i havent left this time like i just didnt care to be added back was bc idc anymore like alsjfjfk im still in contact to#whoever i wanna be in contact with i still text someone individually like i don’t need to be in a group setting to be friends with this#person and she’s mentioned a bunch of times how dead it is lmao so i was like wtv i do send a text once in a blue moon but it’s not as#active as it was when i originally left so it’s not obvious when im ignored lol BUT!!!!!!#the person who added me back…. the person who IGNORED my boundaries and request to leave me the fuck alone has ignored every single message#ive sent since she added me back :)#like she literally just wants public for her little show and she did this even before i left and was the main person why i left lmao bc the#rest were like going through stuff and i was like u cant be here i get it but she’s always ANYWAYS SO ABOUT ME!!!#i literally sent a text i think yesterday? and she didn’t reply to it at all but she just started talking about herself like 😑 WHY DID U ADD#ME BACK!!!! u dont ‘miss US’ lmfao u miss that i kept the gc alive which gave u attention !!!!#i dont want to be ur fucking spectator go post it on fb#anyways end of rant 😌
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lmao my mom hasnt texted once today or called me. but i've done really well not texting her once either. if i dont text her first she never texts me. good 2 know not even my mom likes me
#im scared abt taking the train by myself tmrw#but i dont wanna open up abt that w my mom anymore#i domt wanna show her how weak i am#cant stop thinking abt how nice it'd be to be my crush's property#i wouldnt have to think by myself. id just go where he wants us to go. hed take care of buying tickets and finding the right tracks nd stuff#anywa... ig ill just go whenever tmrw i wont even ask them abt time#bc if i dont go my mom will be so fucking mad at me#its better that i just go for christmas#and pretend everythings ok#and then when i get back home i dont have to text her often or visit them for nyes
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was brave and talked to my doctor abt my period bs + she said it might be endometriosis without me even having to bring it up... 💀
#shes prescribed me naproxen & tranexamic acid for now bc theyre basically the only 2 painkiller options i havent tried yet#but shes said she'll text me some resources on endometriosis and asked me to book an appt in january to update her#and then she can either issue a repeat script or we can go down the route of trying to diagnose a condition#which would likely take a long time so id probably have to try hormonal meds again in the meantime but she was rly understanding abt#the fact id had negative experiences w them before so was apprehensive abt it. so nice to have a dr who actually cares instead of trying#to fob me off w over the counter meds which is what happened last time lol#she was like wow im surprised they told you to take codeine for cramps thats not smth id recommend due to the side effects 💀#like damn. well ive been doing it for the last few years and yeah its not great#augh.... its ok tho i feel better now im actively doing smth abt it and looking for a diagnosis is an option thats available#bc ik how rare it is for gps to take patients seriously. the average diagnosis time for endometriosis is 12 years in wales 💀💀#my mums had such a struggle with gynaecology in her part of the country too shes been waiting for an operation for almost a year#and they booked her in for it and everything and then when she showed up the doctor was like im so so sorry i dont have access to a clinic#and i wanted to cancel your appt bc obvs i cant carry out the surgery without a clinic but the practice refused to let me cancel it#she showed my mum emails shed sent to management begging them to let her cancel patients she wasnt able to treat bc its such a waste of#everyones time and resources and rly shitty to do but they told her to 'watch herself and think about meeting her targets' 💀#bc cancellations look bad on their records so they were forcing her to hold appts without treatment anyway lmfao#insane country how is the nhs still functioning.#anyway thats todays medical report ik how eagerly u guys have been waiting on my pussy update#didnt ask abt antidepressants bc didnt have time and anyway im handling it better now its just taken a while to adjust to the shorter days#and the cramp stuff is way more pressing bc i get them for a week or two before my period AND when i ovulate now#so im probably spending equal amts of time in pain than not in pain every month now 👍#actually makes me feel fucking insane when i start thinking about it. its fine tho. okay im gonna piss and then go out again to sort out#everything ive gotta do today and then i can just chill this afternoon#how is it only 10am.....#.diaries
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:|
#i am not gods strongest soldier#she'll talk to someone who will say stuff like you're useless to her and take it fine but. she won't even stand to be in the same room w me#what difference is it to be being in your room playing games with the same people all the time vs. like idk.#aren't you just transferring who you're dependent on. is the difference just the level of commitment. you feel like you can leave whenever#nothing's changed really somehow. you're still doing the same things you did while back then. just that you also avoid me.#and god i don't know. i tell myself I'll care less I'll get over it it is what it is and i try so hard to be busy and not think abt it#but i can't sleep w/o watching something these days or else it's on my mind and that's been shit for my sleep quality#it's the first thing that pops up in my mind when i wake up. i get distracted in class sometimes by it. it's not like i can control it#it's just like the more you try to not think abt sth the more it comes up type of deal.#and I'm trying so hard but i think this is legitimately. gonna make me spiral and I'm trying my best to have a grip and not go there#i have things I'm looking forward to and I'm supposed to b having fun but it's hard when. There's that looming in the back of your head.#ugh ok rational choice let's go. i don't try to talk to her: we don't talk. she doesn't try to talk to me. i suffer in silence.#maybe I'll get over it find something new that feels like a safehouse but that's a big if. and idk how long i can hold on for#i try to talk to her: maybe it could go well? but maybe she'll just get more avoidant#i don't really get it it's like she can respond and laugh to stuff i say when in a group setting but she gets so guarded when it's just me#like subconsciously you know I'm not a threat you can allow yourself to have fun around me.#but you're consciously putting a guard up around me and reinforcing the negative feelings when it's just me#god. i don't. but. at least it sounds like she's happy for now so. that's all i ask for. if she doesn't want to see me i don't show up#i want to see her but. i mean. There's really no compromise or middle ground here.#they say time heals everything but it's already been so long. i don't even know why I'm still attached. she's like a different person.#the person i loved appears every now and then just never in front of me and I'm trying my best but I've never been good with loss#how do you come to terms with something being dead and alive at the same time. how do you make up the mind to drive the nail in the casket.#i can't make myself put it into the dirt when i catch a glimpse of the person i once knew. that hasn't changed for anyone else. just me.#vent#delete later
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and also like. the bunnies. my god, the bunnies. they’re everywhere and they’re all for jackie. the trinkets in her kitchen, the gift from jackie’s mother, actual bunnies nibbling on the plants in her garden. they’re everywhere and they’re always linked to food and eating and devouring. and she hates them so much and she loves them so much and she kills them and slits them open and eats them and eats them and they remind her of jackie and it’s the closest she can get to eating jackie again
something about jackie planning her life in a way that always included shauna and not realizing how those plans made shauna feel so unseen by her. something about shauna planning to get away and then after jackie's death staying rooted in the place that reminds her of jackie and with the people who will forever tie her to jackie and seeing her everywhere
#eating as a symbol of losing something (or someone)#and also wanting to keep them with you so bad you literally have to bring them inside#andhating it so much because you love it so deeply and hard and and and#its all good seriously im soooo fine no this show isnt the only thing i canthink about why would you ask me that#i think about normal stuff too like um. cute bears#and dont get me started on laura lee’s bear and lottie taming that bear with her hand#ok ill stop so sorry i think about other stuff too seriously#yellowjackets#jackie x shauna#shaunajackie
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