#but these. arent that? i think? ive not been consistently ticcing for at least 2 years now i thinkk and these.
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#listen i know im stressed. i know its bc of school and the deadlines coming close bc the semester is ending etcetc.#that is all fine. i genuinely feel. okay.#the problem is. unfortunately the 'im going to kms' has become a reflex response to stress.#i cant say theyre intrusive thoughts no matter how much i want to believe that.#it would be. acceptable if they just kept being thoughts. ive been fucked for at least 4 years straight now so i can. handle. it#but :) now theyre physically impacting my body again. yay.#ive had tics (likely bc of stress) before. like a lot. and thats fine.#but these. arent that? i think? ive not been consistently ticcing for at least 2 years now i thinkk and these.#yeagh these arent tics. they are actual reflexes.#which sucks because theyre not physically harmfull aka theyre 'not bad enough' to hit the 'WTF ARE YOU DOING.' sensors.#so im just. pointing a finger gun against my temple or into my mouth by the slightest notion of uncomfyness.#and it sucks to say that. im being really brave for being open about this because. its scary.#sillyposting#its just awful to be struggling like this again.#and i know. it will be better in literally a month. i know im not doing the worst ive ever been.#but it just constantly feels like a pit ill never get out of.#ok.#im doing fine. i'll survive it like i always have.#you just think things would get better the longer you live with something.#and i know that going to the doctor isnt going to get me anything prescribed. for good reason maybe idk#i know my main point is stress from school. but what do you want me to do? quit school?? the main thing that gets me out of the house?#do i need to do even less for school than i already do? its not like im putting in 60hours a week. im barely making 10.#hm.#you know.#ok back to the struggles i guess. yay#noo ok. im fine. i am good. /gen.
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