#but there's also so many Items i've just flat out never heard of. this is great. but also ur telling me i could've made the wasp king fight

[ratcandy]

i'm learning a lot about methods of playing the game that i didn't even know existed . like items and medals and things that are all just completely and utterly unheard of to me. and where am i getting this information ? yeah man that's right. IT'S fanfiction

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S05E02 The leprechaun or the lesbian.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Prize Task: Hippest Item of Headwear

So here we're looking for trendy, or in Sally's case . . . hip bones. It does feel right to give Nish one here seeing as neither Disneyland souvenirs nor articles of clothing with your name on it cross into to trendy. I normally don't go for puns, but Sally's is really good (also, am I crazy or does the hat not look all that bad?). Mark got ranked low because it was funny, but the Neon looked cool even if that hat seems like it's going to go up in flames at every moment.

Aisling brought in Yorkshire pudding being worn by Dave Gorman. Sort of a random pairing and even if Dave Gorman was part of the prize, he's not the hippest former Taskmaster contestant you could have picked. Bob's war hat looks like the one Dumb Donald wore on Fat Albert. It still seems like it should beat Nish and Aisling.

Aisling: 2 (-1) Bob: 3 (-1) Mark: 4 (+2) Nish: 1 (0) Sally: 5 (0)

VT 01: Make the best coconut flinging machine. You have twenty minutes and one attempt. Furthest coconut fling wins.

For fun, I checked the Wikipedia article Mark referenced and there is no longer any mention of hats, if there ever was. Bob and Mark are both getting disqualifications from me because I think the both fail at two different hurdles: (1) I've never heard of a hat or a crutch referred to as "a machine." The simple machine both were trying to emulate was the lever, but the actual lever being employed was just their arms. (2) Neither of them make anything. They appropriated things that they found.

The other three all did terribly, but at least they made something.

Aisling: 3 (+1) Bob: DQ (-5) Mark: DQ (-2) Nish: 4 (+1) Sally: 5 (+1)

VT 02: Paint the best rainbow scene. You may not open the lab door until the task is complete.

Ohhhhhhh . . . I can't see the colors.

I contend that the point of this task is to paint an accurate rainbow, but Greg gets hung up on the word "scene." Even if this mattered, a picture of a rainbow by itself can constitute a scene.

Sally's rainbow goes purple, green, purple, brown, yellow, orange, red, and indigo turning into blue. They're all there, but way too many colors that I would probably struggle to identify as a rainbow if I didn't know what was happening.

Aisling's rainbow goes green, red, brown blue, orange, brown. It does look like a rainbow though and I think I might have even figured out it was a leprechaun.

Bob's rainbow goes yellow, purple, brown, and orange. Worst color scheme so far and the sun he drew would cast doubt on whether that was supposed to be rainbow. Also his little man looks to be five dots.

Nish draws a pristine rainbow shape and doesn't do too badly on the colors. It goes red, purple, orange, green, blue, violet, brown, yellow (so kind of some in the right order).

Mark finds the light switch and basically gets the colors right (he uses brown where indigo should be). As Alex notes, it's a very flat rainbow despite being able to see, but still probably the best.

Aisling: 4 (-1) Bob: 1 (0) Mark: 5 (+2) Nish: 3 (+1) Sally: 2 (-2)

Note: Bob's story about the first house he painted is so damn funny.

VT 03: There is a loaf of bread in the lab. Slice the loaf as neatly as possible. You may use one tool only and that tool must be found in the caravan.

A mass disqualification task! I suppose Aisling could have argued that the task was referring to the loaf in the caravan, but it's not a winning argument. Bob and Sally pretty clearly use multiple tools and Nish's loaf is pretty clearly cut cleaner than Mark's.

Aisling: DQ Bob: DQ Mark: 4 Nish: 5 Sally: DQ

Team Task: Achieve the greatest splat.

I think Team Wumar's yogurt works much better than the team of three, evidenced by the real pain Mark seemed to be in while being continuously buffeted. The other team's balloons didn't satisfyingly splat on impact. The only reason I'm not going for the 4-1 split is Sally getting hit by a piss balloon, swinging a condom around, while shouting "die die die" and holding a sword.

Aisling, Bob, & Sally: 2 Mark and Nish: 3

Live Task: With your face placed firmly in your hole at all times, paint the most recognizable animal, vegetable, or mineral. You must incorporate your face in the picture.

I'm going to interpret this as what I think the task was going for, because the way it's phrased makes the win condition dependent on the subject matter you select, not how recognizable your picture is.

The win condition is accuracy and Bob's ice cream cone colors were pretty foul looking. Aisling's cat picture is pretty good, but she hurt herself by picking difficult subject matter.

They didn't do a great comparison shot of the three carrots, so I can't really evaluate them for accuracy.

Aisling: 2 (-3) Bob: 1 (-3) Mark: 5 (0) Nish: 5 (0) Sally: 5 (0)

Final

Aisling: 13 (-4) Bob: 7 (-9) Mark: 21 (+2) Nish: 21 (+2) Sally: 19 (-1)

So Nish and Mark tie the episode. No tiebreakers available because this is the closest Nish ever got to even contending for an episode win. Mark had some good tiebreaker performances, so my guess is he would have beaten Nish . . . but without an opportunity to prove it, joint win to Wumar.

[icharchivist]

That does suck though

They could've added some easter egg-y elements, but to replace an entire questline that had a point and purpose with a glorified easter egg hunt and busywork is an extremely stupid idea

And from the way you describe it, it kind of reeks, at least to me, like a desperate effort to make Cloud less queer and turn him into a big, strong, masculine man who's never thought about gender. Which is kind of funny if you then look at those scenes with Sephiroth

Not to mention it robs Cloud of all agency, if he stumbles into the crossdressing thing ass backwards without really meaning to, considering in the OG that is what he set out to do and that always sucks

So yeah, your grievances are valid. The Remake feels cowardly in that way

Yeah it's very bizarre?

tho i am very glad that from what you've heard it does strike you as odd too -- obviously i have my bias as someone who've loved it for so many years, so i influence how you see it and all - but i'm glad it doesn't feel as much as nippicky as i expect it to?

sorry got lost in the sauce (rambling):

like in the OG everything you do in Wall Market is to help you directly crossdress, with a very specific "if i do this quest i will get this item to crossdress" feeling. in the Remake everything you do in Wall Market is running errands for the Trio and eventually the Trio will help you crossdress. So already the quests feel much more artificial to me. How is drinking a drink in the arena to unlock a sidequest where you have to fetch unrelated objects for others people supposed to affect how you'll crossdress, especially when it's not even in Cloud's mind yet?

The disconnect is so bizarre, and while yeah it happens often in games that you have series of sidequests without really a huge purpose (in a sense all the quests in sector 5, which are supposed to help Aerith's dress, felt this way too), here it's just jarring because i know all of those purposeless quests are replacing tangible elements where you were actively working for a goal. so bizarre on a game design perspective, especially when you have a game to compare it to.

And yeah this is kinda the feeling i get too? Like i feel like all those quests are really to say "ahah yeah Cloud is going to experiment with gender later but don't worry! he's a very Straight And Masculine Man!" which is SO bizarre to me. And honestly it kinda falls flat because Cloud is still Cloud, and Cloud is disinterested with what's around him in general and regularly tired of exuberant stuff, so while they're forcing Cloud in situations where the VIEWER is supposed to see him as strong and straight and all, Cloud meanwhile is going through all of it hating everything about it.

Also like, jokes about how Cloud was gay (derogatory) was also very present online in the way back (you would not believe the amount of Cloud's hate i've seen in the 00s specifically about how Cloud *isn't* a hypermasculine super strong dude, but because the whole game is about how Cloud has to accept how vulnerable and hurt he actually is. And it's something the 00s "homophobia" that took weakness for gayness and therefore an insult, had a very hard time dealing with. While hey come on Cloud is seen as gay for other, more canon reasons, actually--)

And in a sense you can't take it out of Cloud, so Cloud still behaves extremely in character in this sense, he hates this situation, so like no matter what he identifies as he does look like he doesn't care about the hypermasculine parade around him.... which is one thing, but they still make everything so aggressively straight you don't see Cloud actually interreact with queer stuff until he meets Andrea either..

And it does totally rob Cloud of his agency!! Like i'm sorry but working for HOURS with one single goal and nailing it is asking for much more investment from Cloud than being told last minute that crossdressing is the solution. Even if he ends up rolling with it, it's a spur of the moment thing instead of a careful thought of decision.

(the og also kinda have this "joke" that Cloud's lace underwear, that he gets for the crossdressing, never leave his inventory. You see it everytime you open your inventory. People have joked about how it might be Cloud going "well crossdressing be damned those panties are comfortable". Which is why it's also easy to take the crossdressing in the OG in a "better" light than just to mock Cloud yaknow?)

And it's not just there. Like, there's a dating mechanism in the OG where, depending on some conversation you have through the game, later in the game at the Gold Saucer (which is supposed to get adapted in Rebirth, the second part of the remake), Cloud will go on a date, either with one of the three girls... or with Barret! and Cloud is really into it in the OG!

But getting Barret's date is REALLY hard and demand fucking up on purpose with the girls to get it, so it is really some secret scene and all. But it strikes me because i know the steps to get to Barret's date and... they deliberately removed them from the Remake?????

Like in the OG when you meet Aerith she will offer you to buy a flower for 1Gil. You can either refuse or take it. Taking it will give you point with Aerith. In The Remake, Aerith gives you the Flower for free, but you can refuse it. So far so good. But if you take the flower, when you go back to the Seventh Heaven to Tifa and Marlene (Barret's 4yo daughter), in the OG, you're given the choice to either give the flower to Tifa, or to Marlene. Giving it to Tifa gives you points with her, and giving it to Marlene gives you point with Barret. Because he'll see you made an effort to not be terrifying to her, and he appreciates you being nice to Marlene. In the Remake, you're not given a choice: Cloud gives it to Tifa right away, and because Marlene still hides from Cloud then because she still scares her, it means Barret triggers a fight with Cloud to yell at him for scaring his daughter.

So like. it's a patern???

They remove you from a lot of the choices Cloud actually makes in the remake which goes with how the Remake plays it as if it's fate pushing the heroes in a timeloop, but are dissonant with how confused Cloud's personality is in the OG that you end up influencing all of his decisions like that. but also they constantly remove options to explore some queer narrative.

The Crossdressing is an iconic moment of the game, so they knew they couldn't NOT include it and had to update it for the times, so in the end they did go with an elegant scene with Andrea crossdressing Cloud and it's well handled in term of sensibility to queerness and stuff.

.... but any queer stuff that aren't essential to the plot are somehow made more aggressively straight and manly and it clashes so hard about the fact that anything about Cloud shows he doesn't vibe with being like this.

(also in the guidebook about the remake they released they mentioned that, subconsciously, Cloud saw the dancing and immediately thought about Zack and it's what made him think it was worthwhile because deep down he still remembered Zack's smile and it BAFFLED ME then, but now with the whole context is BAFFLING ME EVEN MORE. how do they manage to cut down as much of the queerness as possible and then on the one scene they decide to do well because they can't remove it they go "and btw Cloud is happy and dance sluttily because he thinks about Zack, xoxo have a nice day <3" like i'm supposed to be NORMAL about this--)

so yeah, all of this to say, i agree, it feels cowardly.

It's like devs heard people say that some of the handling of the queer stuff are problematic, and they wanted to hear it and fix it, but that they didn't truly understand WHAT was problematic so anything that could be made straight was made straight so at least they have no risk of being problematic to queer people if it doesn't involve queer people to begin with.

And again, Cloud is Still Cloud, so you may remove his agency, you may remove the queerness around him, you may put him into a much more macho set up.... Cloud is Still Cloud in the way he's genuinely not interested with all that flashy stuff and he's just constantly tired, hating every second of it, and in the end end up still reading as Not Straight because of everything else.

buckwild decisions adaptation wise.

And really like, in itself it's *fine* but it's really a case of the comparaison really making it so jarring. the 1997 game had problematic queer themes, but the queer themes were still there.

and in fact, i'll bring it even futher, it's important in a sense because one of the major theme of the OG is about identity, and the way Cloud is constantly playing out an identity that isn't his. The Bride's dress is just as much a costume as th Ex-Soldier one. Cloud spends the whole game having to figure himself out again, and maybe there's a bit of him in every identities he's presented himself as, and he needs to find himself back. And because Cloud's identity issues are hinted at early in the game, the crossdressing are the earliest part of the game where you, the player, know that this time Cloud is wearing a mask, even if you don't get that he does that all the time as well.

And identity themes, hiding yourself, finding yourself again ect.. those are themes that are easily felt as queer narratives, because the subtext can be the same. Like i said i met so many people who had a LGBT+ awakening from experiencing Cloud's story.

The Remake is far less subtle about the identity problems, and without the players' constant control over Cloud like in the OG i think that they either do it in very flashy way or don't really go full in with the themes now, esp once they start spoiling you and giving you info Cloud doesn't have.

but therefore, the 1997 game having element of "exploring queer community things" is part of Cloud's self discovery as well.

but here they're so scared about missteping that this whole angle disappear as well.

idk man i think i prefer a story having queer thematics that they don't handle perfectly than being so scared to even evoke someone would find joy with being a crossdresser over watching girls dance in skimpy outfit.

but the remake feels so surface level and the quest are fine, they're fun to play. they're just totally different from the OG and idk man. stop being scared of your own story idk guys.

sORRY FOR THE WORD VOMIT i'm again very normal about ff7 but like. god.

thank you for reading!!

[i-did-not-mean-to]

Come sail away... Part I 🌊☀️

So, I've decided to split this one into two parts, so I will give you the first one right away :D

Words: 2,9 k

Warnings: reference to sexual activity...

Summary: Fíli invites his almost gf on a trip to the beach with his brother and cousin. A friend comes along. Shenanigans and accidents ensue...also, there will eventually be smut ❤️

“Baby,” Fíli was leaning against the outside of Maura’s office building, “how was work?”

While he was speaking, he already held out an iced drink to her and offered her his arm to guide her down the street to his waiting car.

As expected, she was dead on her feet and in an appropriately sour mood; work had been crazy lately and her boss had made some insane demands on top of the already overwhelming workload.

When she was done venting, Fíli threw her a quick glance, gauging the atmosphere before he came out with the idea that had been buzzing in his head the whole day.

“Do you want to go away for the weekend?”

Maura bit down on the hope and yearning bubbling up in her chest; she preferred not to get carried away by daydreams and – as per usual – she already had plans that she could not, in good faith, cancel.

“You and me?” she asked nonetheless as if to torture herself.

“No,” Fíli admitted, “Kí has rented a cabin by the sea. It would be me, him, hopefully you, and our cousin, do you remember him? Small computer programmer.”

The longing redoubled, what she wouldn’t have given to see the ocean after a week of utter madness, so it broke her heart to have to decline.

“Why?” Fíli asked softly, stopping the car on the side of the road, and taking her slender hand in his, “I mean Kí can be annoying, but I’ve always thought that you got along well…and Ori is a real dear.”

“I’ve got other plans,” Maura confessed, “a friend of mine has just had a few bad Tinder experiences in a row, so this weekend, we’ll sit on her couch and drink wine and cry a little?”

“I’d hope that you have no reason to cry over men?” Fíli exclaimed in alarm; he and Maura had been an item for many months but – for some reason – they had never officially labelled their relationship one way or another.

Fíli was fine with that – most of the time – but on days like this one, he would have loved to know for sure that he was welcome in her flat and that he had the right to care for her when it felt as if the world was collapsing upon itself.

“Wait…what friend?” he then asked as he steered the car back into traffic, heading to his own flat by tacit agreement.

“Lexi,” Maura replied softly, “short girl with sad eyes?”

“I remember her,” Fíli said a bit too sharply and too fast; he remembered all of Maura’s friends, and it somehow rubbed him the wrong way that she’d assume he wouldn’t, especially as he had met Lexi at least thrice before, “how is she holding up? Maybe – if she’s not too disgusted with the mere idea of men – she could come with you? I mean with us? Hmmm? A weekend…the sea…Kíli clowning. It will be nice.”

He so desperately wanted her to come; even the most picturesque of landscapes and the most amazing of experiences turned to ashes in her absence.

“I don’t know,” Maura muttered, “show me a picture of that cousin again?”

“Why?” Fíli stopped the car in front of his flat, “He’s…Oh…No, baby, no…I don’t think that one would cheer any girl up.”

“Show. Me. The. Picture.” Maura demanded and snatched his phone as soon as he had opened social media and pulled up a blurry photograph.

“I just might convince her to come,” Maura grinned, handing the device back and leaning into the seat of the car, unwilling to get out just yet.

“Oh, I don’t know…” Lexi hesitated when presented with Maura’s second-hand plan of running away to the beach for the weekend. “With men at that…”

She knew and liked her friend’s boyfriend – even though she had never heard them calling their dalliance a relationship this far – but she was not necessarily eager to spend a whole weekend with him and his family.

“I promise, we will still sit and mope,” Maura laughed, “but we’ll do it in the sun. And – as far as men go - it will be Fí, his brother, and an obscure cousin who looks like he wouldn’t say ‘boo’ to a goose.”

“That’s my type though,” Lexi groaned.

Maura knew that; she knew it only too well and she might have threatened Fíli with pruning shears if said cousin did anything that would upset Lexi. Unfortunately for them, that also included things like ‘looking cute’ and ‘blushing’.

“Women?” Ori blanched as he pulled up in front of a cute little house at the end of a road, “You’ve invited women?”

“Maura, right?” Kíli was sipping on a beer and rolling down his window to holler at the two ladies Fíli had invited to join them on their getaway.

“Yup, Maura and Lexi. Ori, my dude, you better not look cute or blush or do anything remotely attractive around them,” Fíli grumbled.

“I am hardly a rival,” Ori muttered dejectedly, willing the two strangers to change their mind before opening the door and setting a certain trainwreck in motion.

With a bellowing fit of laughter, Fíli clapped his hand on his cousin’s shoulder and whispered: “No, it’s because poor Lexi is apparently broken-hearted, and she must be shielded from any and all handsome but painfully shy dudes.”

“Oh!”

“Heyyyyyyy! There you are!” Kíli exclaimed loudly as the door swung open, and two young women trundled out, laden with bags and boxes, “Are you ready for an epic adventure? Beer?”

Lexi cocked her head as she was handed a cold brew through the open window.

“You can sit in the passenger seat, Ori has agreed not to be cute in any way possible, and we’ll wedge Maura between us,” Kí went on prattling as the women stowed away their luggage in the trunk.

As Lexi slid into the comfortable passenger seat of the sturdy sedan though, she discovered that she had clearly been lied to because the man behind the steering wheel was cute as a button with his dark eyes – widened in wordless apprehension – and his mop of unruly copper-coloured hair.

“It will be alright,” Maura whispered from behind before cracking open her beer can and melting into a relaxed mindset.

“May I ask what has happened?”

They had barely been driving half an hour before Kíli grew bored with the intensely sweet looks his brother and Maura were exchanging.

“You don’t have to tell me, of course, but I am pretty strong, and I can punish them for you,” he went on when Lexi – folded in on herself to face him – only stared at him in surprise and amazement.

“No, nobody needs to be punished,” she laughed quietly after a moment, “let’s just say that the kind of men I find attractive are not usually attracted by me.”

“Explain, what sort of men are we talking about?” Kíli asked immediately, happy and relieved to have someone to feed him new gossip, “I know that a lot of men are real trashbags!”

Lexi couldn’t help finding his enthusiasm charming and – as she had to spend the whole weekend with these people – she decided to reply as honestly as she could: “No, they’re actually sweet – on average – a bit quiet maybe, a tad shy, very intellectual, and not interested in someone loud and yet painfully insecure like me.”

If she had ever seen a ‘Aha’-face in her life, it must have been Kíli’s in that very moment.

“Oh damn,” he whispered, “this will be a much more interesting weekend than I would have thought.”

“Either way, we’re your homegirls this weekend,” Kíli said as he opened the door to the charming little cabana right by the beach that he had rented for this express purpose a few hours later, “men are pigs, and you deserve better.”

He was a fascinating person, Lexi had to admit, talking on and on, without so much as noticeably drawing breath in-between sentences, in that cheery, upbeat fashion that seemed to heal her heart more than a tub full of ice-cream could have.

“Not to be cute,” Ori interjected, “but – in the name of all honourable, shy dudes in this world – I exclude those losers from our ranks; they’re gone, they no longer get a membership card.”

“Did he make a joke?” Maura whispered into Fíli’s ear, tightening her grip around his wrist excitedly.

“I am not sure,” Fíli replied in the same hushed tone, “you never know with him, but it seems to work…she’s smiling.”

Then, turning to his cousin, he hooted: “Ey man, what did I tell you? No being cute!”

“I can’t help it,” Ori replied and – as it hit him that he had called himself cute – he blushed furiously.

"And no blushing either," Kíli pounced – unable to hold back his cackling when the colour on Ori’s face deepened – and gave Lexi a loose half-hug.

“Were any of the dudes who were shitty to you half as cute as my cuz?”

“No,” Lexi admitted, “which makes me fear for my life and sanity to be honest.”

Lexi was swaddled in three towels as the women walked out onto the soft, warm sand after having unpacked their things in beautiful rooms facing the ocean; the men were already spread out and she felt uncomfortable knowing that all eyes were on her waddling across the tiny stretch of paradise and Maura floating as if she was in an advertisement for chocolate pralines.

“Heyooo!”

“Is he…is he wearing a floaty?” Lexi turned to Maura who suavely shoved her sunglasses into her dark hair, cascading like silk across her narrow shoulders.

“It’s Kí, be glad he’s also wearing trunks,” Maura replied with a shrug; her own eyes were already glued to the broad chest covered in dense curls of her man, stretched out like a resting lion across a dark blue towel.

It was not without envy that Lexi watched her friend skip across the last stretch of pristine beach to crash on top of Fíli’s glorious body, giggling when he lifted her up effortlessly to hold her aloft like a rare treasure.

“Come on,” Kíli strolled over and tugged at her towels, “will you come swim?”

Athletic and young, he seemed eager to get into the water, but apparently none of the others was ready or willing to indulge him.

“Ori is reading a book about programming,” Kíli whispered, “if you get him to put it aside and come into the water, I’ll cook dinner tonight.”

“You can cook?” Lexi cocked an eyebrow to express her astonishment.

“Sure,” Kíli grinned, “get the boy to put on sunscreen as well; he’s as white as a sheet.”

Lexi strolled along Fíli’s towel, chuckling wistfully upon seeing her friend engaged in a passionate make-out session in broad daylight, and settled one of her own against a group of boulders.

For a moment, she turned the bottle Kíli had handed her aimlessly in her hands before deciding that she was properly cured from any remnant of romantic longing; she might as well get that neglected cousin of her gracious hosts to take care of his skin.

Kíli had not lied; he was so white that he seemed to gleam like marble in the sun. Lexi was not sure she had ever seen anything quite as enchanting in her life and her stomach gave a sudden lurch.

“Hey,” she started carefully, “Kíli told me…to remind you that you should remember sunscreen.”

Ori looked up – startled – and set his book aside almost instantly.

“I am wearing sunscreen,” he muttered, holding up his own bottle, but Lexi could see the pinkish hue of his shoulders from where she was standing a few paces away.

“Should I put some on your back?” she asked gently.

“If you…If it’s…If you don’t mind and it’s not too much trouble,” Ori stammered, wondering why she was allowed to be cute when it was forbidden to him under pain of death.

Kneeling down behind him, Lexi worked some of the lotion into his warm, smooth skin – the mingled scent of discreetly perfumed sunscreen and of heated flesh making her dizzy – as slowly and meticulously as she could.

“Thank you so much,” Ori sighed, “would it be too cute if I offered to return the favour? I do not care to be punished.”

He gave her a crooked smile that made her want to lean forward and brush her lips against his just to see if he tasted half as sweet as he sounded.

“Hmmm,” she hummed, “I guess it would be rather adorable, but I won’t tell anyone.”

“They seem to be getting along,” Fíli whispered, trailing his fingertips across Maura’s bare back until they met the thin strap that kept her bikini top on that gorgeous body.

Her weight and curves pressing into him made another kind of heat flare up in his blood – one that had nothing whatsoever to do with the sun burning mercilessly down on them – and he was pretty certain that she could feel how much of an effect she had on him, judging by the wicked smile on her angelic face.

“Kí found a boat,” he whispered into her ear, “want to take it out? Just you and me?”

Maura’s head shot up to check on her friend who was slinking around the rocks like some strange reptilian lady in search of shadow.

“Baby,” she called, “just go into the water if you’re too hot.”

“You disgusting people, you!” Lexi called back, aghast to see her friend and Fíli bask in the sun as if they were slices of fruit covered in sugar waiting to be dried.

She could never understand how anyone could bear the relentless heat crashing down on them like a physical weight, but she knew for a fact that Maura loved soaking up all those deathly rays.

It might well be that this was the secret of her radiant beauty, Lexi thought, maybe, she literally absorbed light and warmth during her sessions at the beach and later, in the middle of the night on a crowded dancefloor, she could summon that reserve of this otherworldly glow to stun people into silence by her sheer pulchritude?

“She sounds alright,” Fíli chuckled as he nodded towards the old, slightly rickety pedalo boat lying on its side beside a small shack.

“Yeah, let us go out,” Maura grinned, bearing down on him in a grinding motion before walking over to the vessel with sensually undulating hips; she was much stronger than she looked and – before Fíli could even collect his remaining braincells or adjust his boner to be less painfully obvious – she had pushed it out onto the water, threatening to leave him behind.

Disregarding decency, Fíli scrambled up and raced into the waves to catch up with her.

“Lexi?” Maura called as she tested the pedals and when her friend ambled over – shading her eyes and wrapping herself into her towel again – she threw the top of her bikini over to her with a wink, “I leave you in charge of the kid and the sulky cousin; if he gets too cute, slap him over the head or something.”

As she saw Fíli cleave the waves though to make his way to her and push her farther out, Maura became serious once more and asked: “Are you going to be okay? I had promised…”

“We can sit and cry tonight, you go and enjoy the sun with your man,” Lexi smiled, “I’ll be fine with chatterbox and cutie-pie.”

Maura blinked slowly before throwing her head back and laughing until tears streamed down her face; maybe, Fíli had been right, and this was exactly what her friend had needed.

“So…”

They were well-matched, Maura had to admit as she looked back onto the distant shoreline, not only did they love and bear the sun well, but they were also athletic and competitive which meant that they had put a considerable distance between themselves and the others in very little time.

“Let’s drop that little anchor here,” Fíli proposed, lifting a rotten, rusted thing that was half-stuck to the old plastic and threw it carelessly into the water.

“Wouldn’t want the boat to drift away while we’re in the water!” He winked at her and – holding her gaze – fell backwards into the azure waves as if into an embrace.

“I’ll be right back,” Kíli grinned at Ori as he walked by quickly, “you keep an eye on the fragile lady.”

“Please, don’t leave me alone with her!”

Hitherto, Ori had never considered himself too cute for anything, so it struck him as peculiar and alarming that seemingly everything he did provoked a pained grimace on Lexi’s face.

The fact that she was slowly unravelling her multiple towels on her way back, only to reveal a golden-skinned, luscious body drove the heat into his cheeks – another thing he had been expressly asked to avoid – and he was tempted to simply dig a hole into the sand and disappear into it.

“So…about the sunscreen?” he asked instead, “Or would you rather go into the water now before Kí can come back and play some stupid prank on us?”

Heat – whether from the sun or the alabaster beauty of her companion, she did not know – flooded Lexi’s system as well and she looked longingly at the cool waves that had carried away her friend and anchor.

“Sea it is,” Ori chuckled and, extending a narrow hand, he started walking towards the endless ocean.

So...that's the first part, if this was an interesting read, I'd beg you to leave a little sign...

I shall definitely finish this story, but if there is no interest, I'd rather not clog up the feeds of my poor mutuals :D

Thank you ever so much.

Lots of love to all of you.

There's no taglist, I'll just tag @laurfilijames who was good enough to brainstorm this with me. This monstrosity is dedicated to her generous heart and her literary genius ❤️

-> Part II

[kyunisixx]

chiaroscuro

artist!Robert Plant AU one shot.

a/n: this really started out as a song I wanted to write. But I knew I had to turn it into a longer writing!!

themes: fluff, mild implications of nsfw and tw: childhood trauma.

summary: in which Y/N becomes a muse for Robert, a landscape artist in more ways than one. (Man, that summary is so shit but let's roll with it)

pairing: artist!Robert Plant x fem!reader

chi·a·ro·scu·ro

the treatment of light and shade in drawing and painting.

an effect of contrasted light and shadow created by light falling unevenly or from a particular direction on something.

"Lean back for me a bit more, darling. That's right, relax."

As she moves, the old sofa creaks beneath her. Chilled air gusts through a partially opened window, making her shiver and sending miniscule bumps all over her bare skin. Her eyes drift over the fixtures inside the cozy cabin, illuminated by an outmoded oil lamp situated on the man's table. Several tiny moths were floating around it as the flame wavered ever so slightly from the breeze.

Scattered were all paintbrushes and smudges of paint were messily smeared all over the table. A round board was placed so close at the edge (one she heard him call before —a palette). In the middle is a rustic cup with half-empty, now cold tea. But a paint-smudged hand grasped on its handle and swiftly brought it over to a mouth. 

Then her eyes met his.

His frizzled, curly blond locks are pulled into a disheveled bun. One he pinned up so carelessly with a thin, unused paintbrush as to prevent it from obstructing his view but a few ringlets managed to escape and are now framing his face.

Ivory-colored shirt, a few buttons undone to reveal smooth skin of his collarbones which were also marked with a few shades of paint. Some scattered across his jawline to his cheek. 

Lips are pursed and eyes are pulled into deep concentration, they are set into a particular part of her. As if to capture the exact curvature of the crease on her waist.

Salient was the cleft on his chin and the sharp edge of his cheekbones by the incandescent light lent by the lamp, making him look like a contrast between sinister and elegance.

He dipped a brush and carefully made short strokes on the canvas, pausing every now and then to look at her.

The sun was setting and the sky was shaded a dull gray, providing so little of brightness which seemed to have darkened even more being situated in a lush forest.

Many months ago at this time of the day, she would have just been getting up from her sleep. Wake up and get ready for a long shift. It was a routine she had gotten so used to every day.

Take a bath. Eat. Pick out an outfit. Put on makeup. Be into the persona.

She would become a completely different person as soon as she stepped into the establishment she knew for as long as she moved into the town a few months ago.

From having to move into different cities and using different names to hide her identity. All of it to escape the filthy and haunted ghost of her past. 

Screaming. Glass breaking. Bruises. Slamming doors.  All of the things a child shouldn't have to go through. She took a risk and ran away from it.

And here is where she ended up thirteen years later.

Lacklustre eyes unmoving as they steadily stared back at her in a blurry mirror inside the changing room. All the girls' chattering seemed to have been muted and faded in the background as she gazed at her reflection. She picked up the small item in her hand, before taking the cap off and swiped the crimson lipstick across her chapped lips, creating a thick shade.

"Y/N, you ready to go?"

She turned her head back to Don, the club manager. She smiled and moved her head in a single nod.

“Sure, Don. Just give me a short moment”. She adjusted the strap of her black velvet dress and walked on the familiar, dimly lit hallway. Her stilettos clapped quietly on the floor as she padded and stopped in front of a red curtain covering the doorway from the side to the stage. 

"How's it going, folks? Alright, alright. I'd get right into it. This is the moment you've all been waiting for. The crowd favourite, slithers like a python, mistress of the night; Marilyn"

Then, she waited as the main lights switched off and took her cue to enter as smoke filled the platform. Coloured lights gleamed right through. She situated herself right in the middle then circled her hand on the pole as the first note of the song started to hum quietly. Like a distant patter of rain—calm before the storm. Her hips moved into the rhythm and fluidly sneaked around the pole as the cloud of smoke started to clear out. Gazing into the crowd of men, her blood-red lips quirk into a smirk.

It was the only time she knew she had complete power and control. And she relished it, savoring the potency. 

Her hands smoothed all over her now slightly perspired skin as men clamored and hooted for her. Bills were haphazardly thrown into the dancefloor. Something that she wasn't used to when she first started, it made her feel cheap. Dirty. But her routine carried on almost every night, she eventually got used to it and had even grown to like it.

Then she spotted him. 

Big ball of golden hair illuminated by stage lights. He was situated amongst the sea of predators, his eyes followed the fluidity of her movements. But what struck her the most was the way he was watching her. It wasn't shadowed by lust, but more of an intense wonder and curiosity. It was as if he was memorizing each part of her curves, but for another purpose.

Her gaze somewhat mirrored his. He definitely wasn't strange-looking. Hell, he might have been the most beautiful man she has ever seen. He didn't belong to a place where no good men wander around. Both his beguiling beauty and aura was completely out of place for such a place like this.

The song then came to a stop. Her number was over but her eyes remained locked with his. It was only then she came back to consciousness as Don's voice boomed into the large speakers, signalling the end of her performance. She collected the bills scattered on the floor and walked off the stage, throwing a last glance into the crowd as she took her exit.

He was gone.

He wouldn't show up for a couple of days. She was sure, of course. The moment she steps out, her eyes would already be skimming through the lounge, and would sigh in disappointment if she didn't spot any sign of him.

"Have you seen your mysterious man yet?"

One of the girls she was closest to, Hershey, asked as she counted the thick block of bills on her hand.

"He wasn't out there tonight"

"You could have been hallucinating. Anyway, you told me he was 'like an angel'"

Hershey laughed, mimicking the way she had said the last part with a breathy tone and added, "Or could have been disappointed in your dance number, ran away and swore to not step a foot into this place again"

She stopped momentarily, chuckled lightly and sighed, "You may not be far from the truth but we'll see."

Then he would be there the next night, positioned right at a table at the back. His curly locks gave his identity right away, with his elbows propped up and fingers poised against his chin, bearing the same gaze. 

Later that night, he'd be waiting right outside of the club.

"The show was spectacular."

She tilted her head to him, nodded and smiled.

"Thank you."

She wasn't sure how it ended up with her sitting on a stool inside a cozy 24-hour operating diner so late at night, chatting with her "mysterious man" late at night, who introduced himself as Robert. He was apparently a landscape artist and has traveled the world where he finds inspirations for his works.

"The best place I have ever been to? Hm. I'd say Machu Picchu, set in the high mountains of Andes in Peru, above a river called Urubamba. I had to hike all the way up, and you could see the breathtaking view when you reach the top."

"That does sound very lovely." She sighed wistfully.

"Have you ever traveled anywhere outside the country?"

"Oh no, I have not. I move to different places a lot but I've never gone out, never had the chance to."

"Ah, you should! It's wonderful."

She nodded, "Do you only do landscaping?"

"Well, no. I do a little bit of abstract art but I focus mainly on landscaping. I was thinking of expanding more, though. Maybe portrait, or nude art."

"That's a good idea. An artist has to come out of his comfort zone and be able to become great."

"Yeah…", he trailed off, as if lost in thought. "I hope this doesn't come off as strange or I as a creep. But may I ask you to be my muse? Don't worry! We'll only do portrait." He added the last sentence quickly.

She tilted her head to the side and looked at him, her brows furrowed deep in thought.

"You don't have to s—"

"I'll do it."

A few days later, she was again popped up on a stool inside his flat just a few blocks away from the club. His place was spacious, but had a very rustic feel to the interior design. A few souvenirs from different countries were neatly placed on a shelf and most of his paintings were hung stylistically on the walls (in which she stared at in complete awe for what she could tell an hour each painting until he had to drag her away to his studio)

Her fingers fiddled as she tried to stay still under his calculating gaze. She never had much problem with how she looked and never had insecurities. Perhaps she just didn't care enough to be insecure. But at that moment, she thought of how she must've appeared to him and if she was good-looking enough to be an inspiration for his art.

"Are you alright there?"

"Yes! Yes, I… Yeah I'm alright."

His hand stopped and placed the paintbrush on the table. "Are you sure? If you're not comfortable or if you need a break, we could stop for a bit."

She shook her head vigorously, "No, it's okay. Don't worry."

"If you say so."

She let her eyes travel from his bare foot, to his khaki trousers, to his satin shirt with top three buttons undone, to his face. Oh, his gorgeous face. It was pulled into a deep concentration as he stared at his work, giving her some time to study his majestic features.

His eyes flickered to hers as if sensing her stare and playfully frowned, a small smile curled on the side of his lips.

"What?"

"What?"

He laughed, "You were staring."

"I was. Is it a crime?"

"No, I wouldn't say it is." He said with a teasing edge to his voice. 

It was their arrangement which they stick to a few times a week. On her day off, after work if she wasn't feeling too exhausted. There was an obvious attraction lingering inside the room of his small studio but none of them acted upon it other than just casual flirtations thrown around. He was a perfect gentleman and had always been accommodating. A couple of times he would insist on paying her in which she would always refuse to accept. 

"The tea you make for me is enough for a payment." She had jokingly said. "Do not worry about it, Robert. Really, it's okay. I'm making enough from my job."

One night, after their sessions, they had too many drinks and bottles were littered over the table along with his paint brushes which had long dried of paint. 

"Tell me about you, Marilyn. Mistress of the night, who apparently, slithers like a python." He mused, mentioning her alias. His glossy eyes filled with mirth.

She snorted, took a long swig of beer and swiped the back of her hand across her mouth. 

"Marilyn is… Nobody. I'm nobody. I came from somewhere that in my mind, ceased to exist." She stared ahead. "I ran away from home. Who calls it a home anyway?" She laughed humorlessly.

"My parents fought a lot. They spent so much time fighting, they didn't even have time for me. Looking back at it now, I could have just preferred that. But then, they turned their anger towards me." She sniffed and quickly wiped the salty tears before they even slid down to her flushed cheeks.

"I went to my grandparents. They loved me so much and I loved them so dearly. But they were not my parents. Eventually, both of them passed away and I was left on my own. But I was eighteen. I didn't have to go back to my parents. So I went to different cities, finding places where I could feel like I could fit in. Looked for jobs, and then I ended up here. I made friends and I have my own place, but it still never felt like home."

He was quietly staring at her, and the silence was deafening. Then he lifted his free hand to her face and ran the back of his index finger to dry her cheeks. Her hand caught his and brought it to her lips and placed a soft kiss. 

"But with you, it feels… different. I like hanging out with you. I like being with you. You feel like home to me, Robert."

Her voice echoed softly as he took his time to reply. But he didn't, instead, he leaned down and sealed his lips against hers. 

He layed limply on top of her body as he shuddered from his release. Both tried to desperately catch for their breath as her hand smoothed down his back and the other combed through his damp locks. He slid out of her and dropped beside her, not too long before he enclosed his arms over her and pulled closer. He catches her lips on his in a lazy kiss and smiled.

"You feel like home to me too, Y/N."

Her heart soared and nuzzled her nose against his.

"I want to paint you like this. May I? You are so beautiful. In light and in shadow."

She blushed, "Yes, but right now? I'm tired."

"No, no. We'll do it tomorrow. I'll take you somewhere." His warm breath hit her skin as he whispered.

"Where?" She whispered back.

"Well, I'm not telling you that. But it was what I helped my Father build when I was younger. It's somewhat like a special place for me, and I want you to see it."

He gazed at her as he waited for her to respond.

"Okay."

Under the light of the lamp, she peers at him under her lashes.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Mm? I have no idea what you are talking about."

"You know what it is. Cut it out or I'll never get to finish this."

She huffs. "You're no fun"

"I can prove you otherwise in a few minutes."

He continued to do his finishing touches and leaned back to admire his work.

"That isn't too bad. But nothing compares to the real art."

"And what might that be?"

"You, my love." He stood up, walked over to where she was, placed his hand at the back of her neck and pulled her to him.

"I've been waiting for this for hours."

"I've been giving you hints and you insist on finishing your art."

He chuckled. "Of course I had to."

His fingers danced their way from her sides to her hips, rubbing along the marks littered across her skin.

"Are you ready to see it?" He murmured against her neck. She shudders as she nodded, giving their playful banter a break. 

He bit her earlobe softly, "Okay."

He walked over to his canvas and carefully turned it around to face her.

She gasps.

.

⭐ writings list ⭐

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taglist: @jonesyjonesyjonesy , @princesspagey , @ritacaroline , @jimmys-zeppelin , @rebel-without-a-zeppelin , @reincarnated70sbaby (if you wanted to be added in, let me know 🤘🏻🤗)

[all-about-seggs]

Ardent Affections :

Pairing : Timeskip + Virgin! Sakusa Kiyoomi x Female reader

Rating : 18+, Explicit

Word count : 3k

Warnings : Smut and fluff (and holy shit I ended up including a bit of angst) , Loss of virginity, blow job, fingering, vaginal sex, established relationships.

A/n: I prefer dirtier side of Smuts but this was as far as I could go with Saku sooooo I hope my fluffy smut isn't cringey >.<.

Putting the plum filled onigiri in the clean plastic container, you give it another look over to make sure it's tidy enough, afterall, the person you made this for was nothing if not picky. But, you also knew he loved umeboshi, so after a few successful weeks of your relationship with Sakusa, you went ahead and bought more than enough dried plums to practice making something he won't be able to refuse. It didn't take long to reach the gym he was practicing at, with lunch time approaching, he'd be on his break too, giving you the perfect chance to have some alone time.

One would think, that no boyfriend would refuse their significant other's cooking but falling in love with him as well as dating him made you realise it wasn't the status quo. He was, at the very least, peculiar. Always on his own, Sakusa never felt the need to be involved with a lot of people, ironical as it may be for someone who played a team sport, his idiosyncrasies made it hard for most people to get close to him. That's why the sight of a cluster of high shool girls flocking your boyfriend, to give him their handmade goods was comical yet unsettling.

It wasn't something you got jealous at, but it's something that made you second guess yourself instead, whenever the thought of making him something pooped in your head, this same scene played infront of your eyes. Sakusa surrounded by a bunch of girls with heart eyes, wanting to give him stuff. On the verge of losing his polite demeanor, Sakusa almost gave them a taste of his blunt indifference if it weren't for some faculty member intervening. Today was the same.

With the perfect excuse, he pulled himself away from the group and sauntered towards you, eye twitching with a look that screamed ' I saw you having fun on my expense'. You quickly pulled yourself out of the gloomy thoughts and greeted him with your regular smile.

" I didn't wanted to disturb your fan meet", the cheeky tone in your voice added to his annoyance.

" I assure you that you didn't, besides you know I don't like hand made stuff ", he grumbled, voice carrying the regular icky note you were used to but it caused the dull ache in your heart grew. Before you could answer, you saw Bokuto running towards your direction, making you jump with his boisterous greeting,

" HEY! Y/n chan!... Are you gonna join us for lunch as well ?", The look in his face was as cute as his voice which was cutoff by Sakusa's cold one,

" No. I don't like the places you go to eat. Also, I'm done for today so we have no reason to stay.", Curt and to the point, Sakusa answered him and gestured you with his eyes to follow him instead.

" Geez, it's like he can never let loose!, Y/n chan! You should ask him to open up more!", pouting, the energetic male glared at Sakusa's retreating form.

"Ummm, Sorry Bokuto! He still doesn't know how to..... People? I guess? But he's trying! I know he is! So don't worry... We'll catch up with you guys sometime else okay?", With a slight bow, you trailed after your boyfriend, leaving a deflated Bokuto behind.

As you walked behind him, you thought about the first time the both of you met, he didn't even looked at you properly before leaving just like he was right now, about how you had to put your feelings out in the open first so that he'd finally notice them, how, for the last few days your garbage can only had dozens of messed up onigiri, and how the lunch you packed was getting colder by the minute as it layed still in your bag.

You were lost in thought for the rest of the way, he wasn't one to talk much but your constant silence was not something that often happened. Still not being used to initiating small talks, all he could do was gaze at the dazed look on your face.

The two of you made your way back to his apartment that the sports facility provided the players. You had been here a couple of times before but never long enough to actually call it 'staying over'.

" Why are we at your place?", You quietly ask, making him pause before speaking.

" I did say I was done with practice for the day", opening the front door he ushered you in. It was unsurprisingly neat, the entrance not having any useless items, infact everything in his place had a purpose or use.

It was a big step, him letting anyone in his personal space, considering his high maintenance personality you thought he'd dip you in a bucket of sanitizer everyday but he was a lot more chill when you both take your respective baths. He still goes in first.

The moment you stepped outside the bathroom, you saw a nervous looking Sakusa was sitting on the edge of his bed.

" Did you really wanted to have lunch with those guys?", His abrupt question caught you off guard, so apparently he took your silencein the wrong way, but it still warmed your heart to know he noticed and cared enough to talk about it, albeit clumsily.

" Is that why you think I was quite on our way here?", The reply you gave made him avert his eyes, whether it was out of embarrassment or the awkwardness in the room, it didn't change the fact that your sudden change in behaviour was noted by your boyfriend.

" If you have something to say, then I want you to tell me, I'm afraid I won't know otherwise", Sakusa added, finally looking at you with his deadpan yet sharp look.

He was right, every couple needs to have proper communication in order for their relationship to succeed, so with that in mind you decided to tell him about what's bothering you.

Walking over to his side, you sat next to him,

" I made you lunch today, but when I saw you rejecting your fans gifts saying you don't like handmade stuff, it- bothered me.", Your reasoning might've been a little selfish, it's not like you wanted to force anything on him just because you were his girlfriend but the fear of getting rejected always made you hold back on so many things.

" So I didn't give it to you, and then I just started having a trail of depressing thoughts about how maybe I'm the only one who wants anything from this relationship, I mean we haven't even done anything more than kissing Kiyoomi.", To you, this confession was nothing more than the frustrations you've built up. He was silently listening as you went on, not interrupting until you were done.

" I see....", His soft baritone was laced I'm regret as he brought his hands to you head, gently combing the strands, " I'm sorry, I made you feel that way, it's obvious that both of us need to work on our communication skills but there is one thing you got wrong", saying that, his hand combing you hair pushed you forward until you were right in front of his glossy lips,

" It should go without saying that I wouldn't let you in here if I didn't loved you, and you wouldn't be in this bed either if I didn't wanted you.", By the end of his sentence, his hot mouth covered your in a demonically passionate kiss which was all teeth and tongue. It was probably your longest kiss as well, making you grip his shoulders so hard it would've probably left marks if it weren't for his taut musculature. You pressed you hands on his sculpted chest, feeling his nipples harden as you slowly run you thumbs over them. Sakusa pulled away from you to catch a few breaths, his lips shining with your mixed saliva.

" I've never done this before......", hesitation crossed his eyes which soon melted into a look of determination as he brought his face near yours.

"But if it's with you, I know I'll like it", he panted, pulling you on his lap to continue his ministrations from a more closer proximity. The uncharacteristically deep kiss encouraged your hands to roam around more, to feel all of his ripped form through the fabric of his thin shirt. Your hand grazed his crotch, this contact alone was enough to make him twitch, his virginity showing, the blush on his cheeks spreaded all the way to his neck.

The front of his shorts looked so strained,It was painfully clear how much his cock was begging for attention, so you pushed Sakusa back until he was lying flat on the bed, feet still on the floor. Searching his eyes for any objections, you pulled his waistband down to reveal his bulging member. It suited a big guy like him, his thick cock felt so hot and heavy in you hand it took everything in you to stop yourself from jumping on it right away.

" Hggg... Wait... It's-", his voiced carried more embarrassment than discomfort but you stopped nonetheless.

" Dirty?.....is that what you want to say?", questioningly, you looked at him from between his legs as he nodded.

" Well sex is better dirty but, I'll try not to make a mess okay?", With a wink you grabbed his shaft with one hand and took his tip in your mouth. The warm, wet insides of your mouth touching the sensitive head of his cock made him shudder in pleasure but he didn't make more than a hum. Maybe your boyfriend was still embarrassed but now that you finally get to go down on him, you made it a personal goal to hear his moans.

Detemined to hear his beautiful whimpers, you added pressure on his member through your tongue as you moved your lips up and down, swallowing him as much as you could. Droll dripping from the side of your mouth and his precum gave you enough lubrication to increase you pace, going harder and harder until you felt your teeth make contact with his sensitive shaft, that must've hurt, you thought but atleast it got a reaction out of him.

" AH-.....mmmhh Y/n damnit.....you're doing it too roughly", you heard him complain from above you,

" I just rough housed you a little..... Anyway, you can't blame a girl who's been abstaining herself from fucking her hot boyfriend ", with a pop you pulled him out of your mouth and looked up at the wide eyed Sakusa with an uncharacteristic boldness that even surprised you. Maybe it was because of the situation or because you two had a heart to heart conversation about your feelings just now but you felt oddly comfortable with him more than you ever did before. You knew he loved you enough to put up with anything you'd throw at him at his point, so why not push your luck?

"......well aren't you a vulgar little girl", regaining his composure, Sakusa propped himself on his elbows to give you his trademark deadpan look. You squeeze his balls teasingly in an attempt to rile him up further, his face contorts a little before he shoots you a glare.

" I'm going to make you regret that", with nothing more than a growl he grabbed your hand to make lie face down beside him, for a second you thought he'd spank you, but the moment you raised you head from the mattress to see what's going on, a big hand was on your head pushing your face down again, his other hand ghosting over the hem of your t-shirt.

" It's my turn now, so you better behave", emphasizing the behave he first pulled your shirt off of your shoulders, then swiftly getting rid of your pants. This was an interesting turn of event, just a moment ago your virgin boyfriend was squirming like a pathetic little boy but with just a little teasing made him switch into daddy mode, you'd be lying if you said it wasn't thrilling.

You laid there stark naked as you heard a few rustling sounds coming from behind, indicating Sakusa taking his cloths off. His long, deft fingers grabbed your hips, raising them a slightly off the surface of the mattress, the digits of his right hand crept near your dripping core as if wondering if he should touch you or not, you moved your hips closer so you could feel his touch but he retreated his hand, only to pinch one of your butt cheek. The tease.

" If you're expecting me to eat you out too then keep dreaming..... but since I made you wait so long, I'll give you something else today", his matter of fact tone was even as he traced two long fingers up your slit taking in all of your juices, he pushed them inside your aching pussy. His thick digits rubbing your walls made you moan in the pillow, with his thumb he started rubbing your engorged clit. His actions were not exactly gentle but you didn't wanted them to be either, you wanted him to pound you into the mattress so bad but maybe it was asking too much from someone inexperienced.

" You like this right?", It wasn't exactly a question, as his increased his speed, with his free hand he pinched your ass again leaving small red marks in the fleshy patch of skin. Your first orgasm in so many weeks approached you with an intense force, making you buck you hips in Sakusa's hand. Just as your pussy started clenching around the fingers that was inside it, he withdrew his hand leaving you with a strange sense of emptiness.

" Not so fast y/n, it's more efficient it we cum together, besides I know you want more than just my fingers", his voice carrying the cockiness of someone far more experienced but you can't complain, for both his actions and words were easily bringing you closer to the edge. Ignoring the stickiness of his fingers he lightly massaged your butt cheeks before kneeling right behind them. The sight of your flushed, naked body was enough to get him going, something that he dare not admit.

From the corner of your eye, you saw him opening his bedside drawer to retrieve a condom. Well, atleast one of you were prepared for this, just as he finished putting on the thin protection, he asked you,

" I'm putting it in y/n", he didn't make it sound like a question but it wasn't until you nodded in approval, that he moved. Groaning lightly, Sakusa entered you inch by inch, making the process as slow as possible so could clearly feel the delicious stretch his thick cock provided. You were already panting by the time he bottomed out in you, as he started moving his hips you rolled yours to match his pace, creating a steady rhythm.

Both your pants and body were in sync, building up pleasure that soon reached its peak, the roll of your hips and the sound of his name from your mouth urged him to take a hold of your hips and drive his pulsating member further into your cunt. He felt your walls clenching around him when your body experienced the well awaited orgasm, quivering beneath him like. The sudden pressure added on to his cock made your boyfriend follow right after. The both of you were still riding your high when he lowered his torso on to your back, sweat slicked bodies on top of each other, you wondered what kind of face he would be making right about now. Hoping it wasn't one of disgust, you turned your face to the side, his endearing curls tickling your ears as he kept his nose buried in the nape of your neck.

There was a serene quality to the room where the two of you laid still until Sakusa got up abruptly, you knew that it was bath time even before he uttered anything.

" Let's eat", his soft voice seemed almost like a whisper which was confusing and astonishing at the same time when he tossed one towel to you and quickly wiped himself with the other.

Making quick work of the cleaning, you both went to the living room where you pulled out the bento box from your bag. It felt cold against your hand but this time it didn't make you sad because now you were sure that the person next to you wouldn't reject it.

Opening the box, you noticed they got a little crushed, probably because of you tossing your bag aside dejectedly when you first arrived, the previously well made onigiri lost their original shape but you hoped they tasted the same.

Gingerly showing him the box you thought about quickly explaining it's condition and telling him about how you made it in the most hygienic way possible for a human but the words died in your mouth when Sakusa briskly took one piece out and munched on the distorted rice ball. You watched him chew, waiting became too nerve-racking so you blurted, " How is it Kiyoomi?!", Talk about putting pressure on a guy but it didn't deter him from telling you the truth.

" It's good", the simple reply he gave was the best, you thought, his words were never grandiose, just to the point that's what made you believe them everytime he decides to be honest with you.

"Next time...", He mumbled in between his increasing breaths and tinted cheeks,"Lets make it together".

[nasapeepoplier]

My Cloak order has arrived!!! Let me start off by saying that I currently own or have previously owned nice brand hoodies and shirts. Lucky Brand, Tommy, Nike, Adidas, and sports wear. I have also worn merch type shirts and store brand stuff from Walmart, Target, Kohls, etc. So I have a decent range of comparison.

I will admit, I was a bit hesitant when I first heard about Cloak, more so when I saw the prices. I didn't plan on buying early on, I was going to wait and see how it played out. But after watching both Mark and Sean talk about this brand I decided to give it another thought. I fully trust these guys so I decided to place a preorder.

Let's start with the shirt. My first thought, was how soft it was. It doesn't feel like most t shirts at all. It's smooth like athletic material (which I don't like) but still feels soft like cotton. It has a nice stretch to it, the neck has give when you put it on but comes right back into place. It lays nice on the body, it's longer on the body than most and the sleeves seem a bit longer and roomier than usual. With that being said, really look into and consider sizing when ordering depending on how you like stuff to fit. If you like form fitting you might think about ordering a size smaller. If you like loose, it may come down to specific preference for ordering your usual size vs a size bigger because they are loose fit. The back is a bit longer so if you have a booty it doesn't ride up in the back and look weird. The tees would look great with leggings as they cover your butt. It's light weight and while I haven't had it on long enough to see it seems like it will be much cooler than other shirts I have. I honestly have no concerns about this shirt beyond it washing well and the design holding up to washing which is a common problem with just about any shirt I have had. But the design on the shirt looks nothing like any other shirt I've had so I'm hopeful.

Now... The hoodie. This is where my biggest hesitation was, as they are quite a bit more than any other hoodie I have purchased. Believe me when I say this, I have NEVER felt another item of clothing like this hoodie. It's amazingly soft, super smooth, not bulky, the inside is crazy soft too. When you put it on, it's not a struggle to get over your head or boobs. Ok, you know how when you put most shirts on and they warm up or you start to get hot inside? Not this one! I kept waiting, and it didn't happen. Now this is good and bad. Because if you live in a cold weather state and wear hoodies rather than a coat or jacket, this may not work out for that. It's not a super warm hoodie. That's a bit of a bummer for me but I knew going in that this was a medium weight hoodie, so please keep that in mind before ordering then being upset. This is not a hoodie that is cinched around the waist, it lays flat along your body. Again, it would work great with leggings or skinny jeans. If I had a complaint, it would be the hood. I don't care for the way it sits on my shoulders. It comes up a bit on the neck in front and gathers around your neck rather than sitting on your shoulders. The hood doesn't lay super flat. I've found myself adjusting and trying to get mine to lay down. My hair is just above my shoulders and I feel it against the back of my hair which is a bit annoying. I mention this because I normally buy hoodies that have a more open neck and the hood sits down out of the way. It's by no means a game changer for me, but something to take note of. A positive note with the hood is if you want to put it on. Many hoods don't cover your head fully and wind will blow them back. This hood comes up over the top of your head and around the front of your face. It sits great and feels good when it's up. I feel like the hood was designed with more thought of that way it sits when it's on but not as much when it's down.

My biggest issue with hoodies is the cuff of the sleeve stretching and coming apart. The cuffs on this shirt don't seem to be anything special and don't feel like the same material as the rest of the hoodie so I will be watching this closely. This is one of those hoodies that you want to wear without a shirt under because it feels so nice. It would be great for a chilly but sunny day where you would normally get hot in the afternoon sun. But long story short... It's incredible.

The box is a nice touch, the bags are even nice, it came well packed and arrived in decent shape stickers are a nice bonus too! One thing I will say about the box, I know many were excited to have this box but it is used as the shipping box. It's not inside another box so it has shipping labels and it will be subjected to some abuse during shipping. Mine was mostly in good shape but was banged up a bit.

So, overall... I made this purchase with reservation but hope and trust in Mark, Sean, and Cloak as a brand. Normally I would not pay that amount for a shirt even but certainly not $80 for a hoodie. Am I disappointed I bought it? Absolutely not! I feel like I got my money's worth with both items. Would I recommend to others? Absolutely, but please take the above mentioned points into consideration. Will I buy again? In addition to my pre order, I ordered the zip hoodie on launch day and yes, I will order again! I want everything, I want all the shirts. I can't wait to see what else they come out with. So, I'm super excited to finally have my stuff and I can't wait to order more stuff in the future. I will be sure to update as I wear these items as to how they hold up. As I mentioned above, I've worm other big name brands... I can't give you a comparison. None of them come close to Cloak upon initial inspection.

Hope that helps for those that are waiting for feedback before they order!

[thornmane]

Silent Hill 3 time.

I had to tweak so many settings to get my emulator to tolerate this one. In case anyone else tries this on PCSX2 because of me, I ended up taking some advice from both these two YouTube videos (but changed OpenGL to Direct 3D 11) and this Reddit comment.

I had heard about the early part of the game being out of town but actually experiencing that is really special and, in-universe, terrifying.

I know the items get weird in this series but... five parts of a book anthology?? lmao

-

Okay, dug this out of my drafts instead of writing a new one. I've continued, and may be nearing the end, so, so far:

The menu cutscene music is sooo good. I had it on loop once because I was multitasking and I never felt like turning it off.

I'm sorry Team Silent but that jerky item is useless. 😭 Never once saved my ass. Maybe I'm using it wrong.

Going with a female protagonist has some interesting effects on the story. Aside from being necessary to the plot, it's also used in ways that further show that this is a series that tailors its themes around its protagonists and I love it for that.

And they've done so much with her. She continues the plot from the original. She's a somewhat angsty young adult trying to navigate problems she was born into. She's so appropriately confused and defiant. The epitome of being dragged into things.

The other her. Just. All of it. *Chefs kiss*

The soundtrack doesn't have quite as many standout tracks, likely due to the abundance of more serious moments and less funny ones. Still, it's good.

Some of the monsters felt a bit flat in this one, at least until the drawings that explain why they look like that.

The bosses were less annoying in this one, which is good.

I think I might feel less scared by this one? Either it doesn't maintain its ambient creepy factor as well or I'm starting to get used to the series lol.

Some puzzles were annoying, while others were good or even enjoyable. Kind of a cross between 1 and 2.

Anyway, I'll get an ending when I have time and then come back to this.

[larrygirls]

I just recently started reading fics again. This list will get better/longer as I continue to read more. This was updated with everything i've read up until 10/10/22. If you decide to read any of these make sure to read the tags. I don't want anybody to get uncomfortable. You guys can also send in request as well if you would like :)

🖤All My Favorite Conversations by goldglitter075 Word Count: 2K Summary: An incredibly self indulgent fic featuring way too many pet names, an adorable lesbian couple, and Louis Tomlinson being terrible at ice-skating

🖤You Are Everything by caffineaddict Word Count: 2K Summary: Louis is in love with his best friend/flat mate Harry, lately the pain of knowing he'd never return Louis' feelings has become unbearable. He doesn't know how to handle this so he does what he does best - write. He had every intention of deleting the musings when he was done...that is until he gets an alarming phone call that makes him forget to close the tab or delete it. Harry was aware something was wrong with Louis for the past couple days but had no idea what it was and anytime he would ask the older boy would just brush him off and change the subject. Walking into Louis' room to borrow his laptop, Harry leaves with way more knowledge than he was ever supposed to know.

🖤You Should Be Here With Me by dimpled_halo Word Count: 3K Summary:  Louis is home for the holidays and doesn't expect his mum to invite his ex and his family over for Christmas. All the feelings he's had bottled up since breaking up with Harry before going to uni come back in full force.

🖤Send Me Your Pillow by flowercrownfemme Word Count: 3K Summary:  Harry is embarrassed to realize he's nesting but can't stop stealing Louis' things for his nest.

🖤May Your Every Wish Come True by sweetrevenge Word Count: 4K Summary:  Harry and Louis reconnect during the Holidays, it's kind of fate.

🖤Every Time We Touch by wabadabadaba Word Count: 5K Summary:  Louis laughed when he heard the term professional cuddler for the first time. His doctor let Louis laugh and then explained the purpose behind the profession and how it could help Louis. It took a few weeks but Louis finally scheduled an appointment, now all he had to do was leave his car and walk into the house. or the one where Louis is suffering from touch deprivation so he goes to see Harry who is a professional cuddler.

🖤Hello Darling by zanni_scaramouche Word Count: 5K Summary: As CEO, Mr. Tomlinson is used to spending more nights curled on his office coach than his bed, but this time it isn't an impending merger or new client deal keeping him hibernated on the fortieth floor this Christmas Eve. A city wide blizzard warning, a power outage, and a dismal lack of tea leaves him hours away from what he expects to be one of the more pathetic Christmas mornings of his life. That is, until the new bright eyed intern scares the living crap out of him.

🖤I See Your Stars Begin To Shine by sweetkisses Word Count: 5K Summary: Harry is an alpha that is in love with his very oblivious omega friend, Louis.

🖤Naturally by Neondiamond Word Count: 5K Summary: When PE teacher Louis first gets assigned to be a chaperone on a weekend long camping trip with a bunch of high school seniors, he’s not too excited about it. That changes when he finds out his fellow Music teacher Harry, who Louis happens to have a massive crush on, is also coming

🖤And I'm Putting My Heart Out On Display by localopa Word Count: 6K Summary:  Harry gets cheated on & so does Louis. They find comfort in each other.

🖤All I Do the Whole Day Through by lululawrence Word Count: 6K Summary: Louis reached up and grabbed the ridiculously thick jumper that had the planets all over it and slammed the wardrobe doors shut. It was only as he turned around that he realized why Harry’s bedroom door had been shut. There was a nest on Harry’s bed. But why was Harry using Louis’ clothes and items that probably smelled like him in his nest?

🖤Something Blue & Someone New by littleroverlouis Word Count: 6K Summary: Single Alpha Louis moves into a new apartment building and doesn't realize he misses courting someone until meeting his next door neighbor, a charming Omega named Harry. Louis is working up the nerve to officially ask him to court, but what if Harry secretly beats him to the punch?

🖤Wasting My Time by prettylouis Word Count: 7K Summary: Harry is in love with Louis. He can’t do anything about it, until he can. Louis is in love with Harry. He doesn’t have a chance, until he does.

🖤Kisses Like Snowflakes by stylesthebrave Word Count: 7K Summary: Harry is stranded in the snow and Louis is there to help.

🖤Just A Touch Of Your Love by thegirlontheblackhoodie Word Count: 12K Summary: Harry is a touch starved omega trying to get through it on his own. Louis happens to be the only alpha around to realize it and offers to help.

🖤Love Is A War That Two Must Fight by cathyelisabeth1 Word Count: 12K Summary: The one where Louis starts getting 'creepy' notes on his desk and is forced to hang out with Harry Styles because Niall insists he is lovely. Louis disagrees.

🖤Love Mends the Pain by justalarryblog Word Count: 12K Summary: Marcel Twist, better known as Harry Styles, is a well-known model around the world. One day, he was invited to take part in a photoshoot for the new Olympic uniforms for the British athletes. What he didn't expect was for Louis, his ex would reappear in his life, bringing back memories and feelings that Marcel wished he'd forgotten.

🖤Baby, You’re The End Of June by disgruntledkittenface Word Count: 13K Summary: In which Harry courts Louis. Entirely by accident.

🖤Kiss From A Rose by lovelarry10 Word Count: 15K Summary:  Harry is the quiet one in the office no one ever notices. Until Louis does, that is. When notes start appearing on Harry’s desk, he ponders who is behind the kind words, oblivious to Louis’ attempts to get his attention.

🖤Don't Be Scared Pretty Kitty by ttomlinstyles Word Count: 15K Summary:  Louis was born a hybrid and was adopted by a man who was terrible. The man dies and Louis is taken away to a foster home full of kids who bully him, he's 16 and is very scared and doesn't eat and never speaks out to people. He was then sent to another foster home with no children. That's where Harry comes and takes him home.

🖤Your Touch Is The Only Thing I Feel by 2tiedships2 Word Count: 15K Summary: The one where Louis refuses to settle for just any alpha despite intense touch deprivation. Fortunately Harry isn't just any alpha.

🖤Flowers Don’t Tell (They Show) by loulicate Word Count: 16K Summary: Harry is a lawyer, Louis owns a flower shop. Harry goes into his shop to buy his mom flowers and falls in love with the cute florist boy.

🖤Everywhere & Nowhere by 2tiedships2 Word Count: 16K Summary: Niall took a seat and said, “Apparently Louis’ downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food.” “What has he given you?” Liam asked. Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. “There was a rabbit’s foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can’t prove it’s from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though.” “Wow,” Liam said, looking deep in thought. “That’s old school.” “What’s old school?“ Niall asked. "Giving creepy gifts?” "I’ve never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he’s courting you.” Louis couldn’t contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He’s courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they’d do in the 1800s or something?”

🖤Harry You're No Good Alone by lucy_in_the_sky Word Count: 16K Summary: Harry struggles with insomnia and loneliness, almost turning to cuddle therapy when his best friend Louis reaches out to lend helping hand.

🖤Outshining The Stars by thelarenttrap Word Count: 18K Summary: Louis is RV camping with his retired grandparents and avoiding life. Meanwhile, a boy with tiny yellow shorts and tattoos works at the campground’s marina.

🖤Frost Covers All by ihavetoomuchfreetime Word Count: 19K Summary:  An AU where Harry and Louis are pretend boyfriends with pretend feelings, but then it's not pretend anymore, feelings ensue. Or a friends-to-lovers/fake relationship when harry needs a boyfriend for a family thing, and louis obliges.

🖤A Springtime’s Wilt, An Autumn’s Bloom by snowcaplou Word Count: 20K Summary:  Harry is Louis’ personal chauffeur, and although he hides his feelings for his boss behind a wall of rigid professionalism, Louis still manages to squeeze through the cracks.

🖤Pleasing Inc,. by maury_456321 Word Count: 25K Summary: Louis starts working for CEO Harry, secret nesting and thievery ensues.

🖤I’m Gonna Keep This Love, If You Let Me by pixies Word Count: 26K Summary:  Louis makes Harry pretend to be his boyfriend one night out. The rest is history.

🖤Runaway Darling by solvetheminourdreams Word Count: 26K Summary:  An au where Louis hates weddings, Harry loves them, and together they help a bride skip hers.

🖤I Knew You Were Waiting For Me by lovelarry10 Word Count: 26k Summary: Harry has been hearing his soulmates voice for years now, and he's just desperate to meet the person he knows he's meant to be with. Louis has come to think that he's destined to never meet his soulmate. A chance camping holiday with their best friends just might end in all of their dreams coming true.

🖤Never Been A Fan Of Change by fearsparks Word Count: 27K Summary: Harry and Louis have relied on each other for over two years now, always turning to each other every time they need anything from touch to pheromones. But after Harry's omega unexpectedly causes him to drop in the pub, their relationship is no longer the same.

🖤This Shifting Ground by zarah5 Word Count: 28K Summary: University AU. In which Louis, law student, is the cheeky waiter to Harry’s dates. This is how it starts.

🖤Don’t Know It’s Lost Til You Find It by ohpleaselarry Word Count: 30K Summary: Maybe it’ll be better this way. Maybe Louis just needs to distance himself, get over his crush so Harry doesn’t have to worry about his obsessive friend who feels too much and says too little. He wonders what this girl is like. What she looks like, what conversations they had to make Harry fall for her in three days. If maybe she’s just stellar in bed. If she smells like heaven or if it’s just the fact she’s a girl. He wonders and wonders, resists the temptation to stare at the alpha, and gets exactly no work done.

🖤Wanna Be Somebody (To Someone) by starryharry Word Count: 30K Summary: Harry tells Niall he's seeing someone. (He's not). The lie leads Harry to Louis, and an honest confession drives them into a one-month relationship that changes everything.

🖤Something About Liminal Spaces by kingsofeverything Word Count: 34K Summary: Searching for inspiration for his latest book, and hoping distance will help heal his broken heart, Louis Tomlinson heads to the village of Piha on the west coast of New Zealand’s north island. There he meets Harry Styles. Fifteen years older than Harry, Louis tries to keep his distance, but Harry is impossible to avoid and harder to ignore.

🖤Someone To Fly Home To by kingsofeverything Word Count: 34K Summary: Louis is a 55 year old pilot who wants someone to fly home to. Harry swipes right. Louis and Harry’s marriage ended more than a decade ago, but fate keeps bringing them back together.

🖤Now You’re In My Life by we_are_the_same Word Count: 34K Summary: Harry loves romance. In theory, anyway. He loves the romantic movies, the careful brush of fingers against the back of a neck, the hand holding and the endless gazes. He loves the possibilities, the tension and the wonder. He loves the idea of falling in love, finding someone to come home to. In reality, it’s a little different. Because as much as Harry loves the concept of dating, the reality sucks.

🖤We Both Got Nothing to Hide by lovelarry10 Word Count: 43K Summary: Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.

🖤Sand In My Shoes, Head Over Feet by awriterwrites Word Count: 44K Summary: The last thing Louis wants to do is babysit a bunch of kids this summer. Especially not for three weeks at his family's summer home. No, he'd rather stay home and wallow in self-pity. He definitely doesn't want to sleep under the same roof as his sister's friend, who happens to be a spectacle of a boy: wide eyed, curly haired, long legged and virtual sex on legs.

🖤The Boys Of Summer by afirethatcannotdie Word Count: 45K Summary:  In which Louis is a reluctant sports coach, Harry's a fellow counselor who wears tiny yellow shorts, and camp rules say they're forbidden to date.

🖤Your Touch Shouldn’t Make Me Feel Like This by thinlines Word Count: 48K Summary: Uni AU in which Alpha Harry has been in love with his omega friend for the longest time and one motorbike trip to the countryside with Louis made him realize that he could no longer hold back his feelings.

🖤The Recklessness In Water by larryon Word Count: 50K Summary:  Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He's stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren't bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

🖤Maybe You’ll Like the Way I Am by lululawrence Word Count: 55K Summary: When Louis’ alpha neighbor asks him to pretend to be his omega for a week, Louis immediately says no. He has too much he’s dealing with on his own, and he swore to himself he’d never get that close to an alpha again. Unable to hold to that resolve once guilt sets in, Louis finds that maybe fumbling his way through a fake relationship for a week was exactly what he needed to finally be able to move on.

🖤Suicidal Chemistry by sullenlarry Word Count: 58K Summary: As long as he can remember, Harry has always been sure of one thing: he’s in love with his oblivious best-friend, Louis. There’s just one minor problem….Louis has depression. Harry works at a bakery, but he’s really made a full time job out of trying to save Louis from himself. What happens when a quack named Dr. Horan tells him to take Louis on a vacation? Individual feelings will be explored…but can Louis love him back or is the will to live too far gone?

🖤The Nightingale by thebluejay1 Word Count: 66K Summary: Louis Tomlinson is a daily customer at the local bakery. His life changes when he meets Harry Styles, the boy behind the register. But when Harry finds out about Louis' abusive boyfriend, he does everything in his power to protect him. Through it all, they become closer. Will Louis choose fear over true love?

🖤Just A Flower Boy by larryruinedme Word Count: 70K Summary: Harry Styles is a clumsy, flower crown-wearing, openly gay junior with only two true friends, Niall and Zayn. Louis Tomlinson is the school's attractive, straight football captain, with a small body and a big personality. As fate will have it, Harry has a huge, unrequited, utterly hopeless crush on Louis. Fate is thrown out the window the day that Harry and Louis find themselves partnered up for a history project. Harry starts to receive notes from a secret admirer, Louis starts to get jealous of Harry's budding friendship with senior Nick Grimshaw, Zayn and Liam develop a thing for each other, and Niall is the best mate anyone could have asked for. And suddenly, Harry's crush on Louis doesn't seem so utterly hopeless anymore.

🖤Lost & Found In Oblivion by thinlines Word Count: 74K Summary: Omega Louis decided to hire an alpha for his heat to ease his touch deprivation, but little did he know everything would grow into so much more.

🖤Like An Endless Summer by objectlesson Word Count: 87K Summary: Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’ formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

🖤Have Love, Will Travel by kingsofeverything Word Count: 97K Summary:  Rather than spend the summer working at their desks, Louis and Harry are given the opportunity to crisscross the country together in a tiny camper, filming their adventures for a YouTube series. It soon becomes obvious to their viewers that there’s something more than friendship between them. Eventually, they figure it out.

🖤Loved You First bysnowy38 Word Count: 100K Summary: Harry has lived his life ruled by anxiety, bullied by overbearing work-mates and ridiculed for his geeky look. When a new boss starts Harry can barely look him in the eye but Louis appears to be on his side. Soon Harry develops feelings for the protective and supportive Louis but Louis tries to fight it at first. There’s rumours about Louis at his last work place and his penchant for his secretaries so Harry has a right to feel insecure. Harry slowly lets his curls break free as Louis thaws him and they embark on a new beginning together.

🖤Give Me Truths by iwillpaintasongforlou Word Count: 110K Summary: Louis is a psychology student with a tattoo count as high as his genius IQ. Harry is in a (sort-of) relationship with a homophobic man and hates himself a little more every day. Things fall apart and Louis puts him back together. Or, the one in which Louis falls in love with a fragile boy and tells him every beautiful truth in the world, as long as it makes him happy

🖤Tired Tired Sea by mediawhore Word Count: 113K Summary:  As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

🖤Mute by troubledpro Word Count: 122K Summary:  How is love supposed to speak, when one can’t even choke out the words? Louis’ life was a joke through his witty words. Harry’s life was a joke through his lack of words. Louis was classed as a normal child; mentally and physically. Harry was classed as an abnormal child; mentally and physically. Louis could speak. Harry could not. Harry had progressive mutism. Louis did not.

🖤Unbelievers by isthatyoularry Word Count: 136K Summary: It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

🖤Lights Will Guide You Home by orphan_account Word Count: 137K Summary: Louis Tomlinson is his school’s resident bad boy and easily the most liked person there. He’s loud and confident and popular. He spends most of his time abusing his parent's money or partying or playing football. He also spends a good deal of it obsessing over the quiet curly boy in his English class, but no one really needs to know that. Harry Styles is more or less invisible at the same school (unless he’s being harassed). He’s shy and painfully insecure and quiet. He spends most of his time crying on his bedroom floor with a razor pressed against his skin or trying (and failing) to think of reasons to stay alive. So, of course, it’s inevitable that they fall for each other.

🖤Walk That Mile by purpledaisy Word Count: 149K Summary:  A Route 66 AU where falling in love was never part of the plan.

🖤Love Is A Word You Gave It A Name by cuckootrooke Word Count: 158K Summary: After two decades in brutal show business, Louis Tomlinson is trying to restore his tranquility of mind in the peace of Northern Europe where the sun barely sets, Maria's bar is always open, and young Harry has an irresistible spark in his eyes.

🖤The Longer The Wait The Sweeter The Kiss by pleasinglouisWord Count: 160K Summary: It all started with a letter from his grandmother’s Executor of the Estate. His life had been just fine in New York, he’d had a great internship, more friends than he knew what to do with, and a powerful family name to provide a million opportunities for him. But the minute he’d received that letter a desire for more was born. That was how he wound up here, stranded on the side of a dusty old road with a broken down car and a carry-on full of dreams.

🖤Fading by tothemoonmydear Word Count: 202K Summary:  Louis knows about beauty; the combination of qualities that pleases the aesthetic senses. He creates that combination every day in the garments he designs while studying fashion at uni. The cut of the design, the color of the fabric, the intricacy of the stitching; it all comes together to create something beautiful. When the science student with the long legs and dimpled smile agrees to model for him, Louis decides he’s found beauty personified. Harry just thinks Louis needs someone to show him how beautiful he is.

🖤Shake Me Down by agreatperhaps12 Word Count: 208K Summary:  Harry's new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization.

🖤Of Mates & Men by bananaheathen Word Count: 420K Summary:  In which, Louis and Harry meet as best men for their best friends' wedding... well... sort of. Or, the one where Harry's just moved back from New York and Louis doesn't believe in romance. Or, I guess... the one where Zayn and Liam are getting married.

[smoothshift]

I've been getting shitty fuel economy, so I tried driving 55 mph everywhere. via /r/cars

I've been getting shitty fuel economy, so I tried driving 55 mph everywhere.

So last year, I bought a Ford Focus ST. Great car, I love it, but the fuel economy kind of sucks. I was coming from a 2016 Malibu, and was aware the extra horsepower and premium fuel requirement would mean I'd be spending more on gas. All in all, I figured the difference between the vehicles would amount to maybe ten bucks a week. A relatively small price to have my (attainable) dream car. After six months of ownership, I can safely say my calculations were off. Waaay off.

Due to my mostly highway commute, I anticipated getting somewhere in the mid to upper twenty mile per gallon range. Nope. First month, I achieved just over twenty-one. That led me to spend the subsequent month granny shifting and coasting as much as possible. After two weeks of blue-balling my car with this tactic, I calculated my fuel economy improved by a mere three additional miles per gallon. At that point, I was spending roughly $75 more on gas each month than I with my Malibu. I did the math; that is enough to buy approximately seventy-five $1 scratch-off tickets.

In analyzing my driving habits, I came to the conclusion that it was actually my time on the highway that was killing average mpg. Apparently the Focus ST has a relatively short sixth gear. I typically drive about ninety or so on the highway (unless I'm passing someone), which means my engine is spinning at around 3500-4000 rpm. I don't know much about the EPA, other than the fact that rearranging their letters spells out "AEP," but I imagine their fuel consumption findings are achieved at somewhat lower speeds.

And so it was that I adopted a radical new approach to extending each tank of premium unleaded: I would simply drive fifty-five miles per hour. I would achieve that velocity only as quickly as was necessary. But once there, I would keep my speed constant, no matter how many people I pissed off.

I lasted just one day. Here's how it went.

The first part of my commute is a state highway, which I live directly beside. Conveniently enough, its speed limit is fifty-five. At that rate, I was doing about five to ten miles per hour under what most of my fellow rush hour commuters wanted to travel. Occasionally, I caught a glimpse of an exasperated driver in my rearview mirror, but my self-imposed speed was generally met with acceptance.

An interstate highway makes up the next - and largest - bit of my commute. For most of the way, it is sixty-five miles per hour. Obviously, nearly everyone travels much faster. Usually around eighty. Never is this more apparent than when one sits in the center lane while going ten under the limit, as I did. Most of the cars on that stretch of highway belong to state workers. During the high volume drive times is when they are at their most aggressive. Even more so than during holiday sales, karaoke tournaments, or when standing in the express line at Shop-Rite and the person in front of them is two items over the limit. Needless to say, instances of extended middle fingers zooming past me in late-model crossovers were a common sight. Still, I persisted.

Just before arriving to work, I drive along a wide avenue within the city limits. It has a thirty mile per hour limit and consists of two lanes of travel in either direction, with the occasional right or left turning lanes, used for negotiating intersections or entrances to shopping plazas. Rush hour traffic being what it is, people on this stretch typically move at or slightly below the speed limit. As the turning lanes are generally less congested, I decided they were my best chance of reaching fifty-five miles per hour. Not going to lie, this pissed off a lot of folks. Especially those coming in the opposite direction. You see, there were times when the only open passing lane was on the opposite side of the avenue. As a result, I was left with no choice but to cross the median and hold faith that my aftermarket high beams and their four thousand lumens would give oncoming traffic ample warning to remove themselves from my path. I definitely got the stink eye from more than a few motorists, but I expected as much when I set out on this journey. At least I didn't have to mount a sidewalk in order to maintain speed.

After work, I like to unwind with one or two pitchers of beer before heading home. More often than not, the aforementioned bar stop provides me with the strength I need to go home and listen to my wife complain about her day. Her typical grievances run the gamut from holiday sales to karaoke tournaments to standing in the express line at Shop-Rite and the person in front of them is two items over the limit. On the day of my experiment, however, I needed that strength to face the other woman in my life: my grandmother. It is important that I maintain a positive relationship with the old girl. Apparently, my mother died while my grandmother was giving birth do her, which left me as her last living relative. That alone should have cemented my inheritance into cement. Still, if I don't put in regular appearances at the swanky golf cart community she now calls home, she'll start talking about how all her money and jewels will go to the Committee to Re-elect Walter Mondale after she passes. I don't have the heart to tell her that Mondale isn't on the ticket this year. In fact, he was never elected in the first place. Also, he's dead.

To get to get to the golf cart community where my grandmother resides, I not only have to contend with the wide avenue mentioned in the previous section, but a school zone as well. The speed limit there is fifteen, and people generally observe it quite closely for some reason. As such, I was forced to mount a sidewalk near the school so as to maintain a steady fifty-five miles per hour. Fortunately, at the time I was passing through, the bulk of the student body had already left the school grounds. Only a few remained, most likely those having just completed detention or chess club. Despite being a pudgy, flat-footed lot - seemingly more interested in their phones than with pedestrian safety - they proved quite adept at diving for the cover as I sped down the sidewalk towards them. Perhaps there is hope for millennials after all?

After arriving at the golf cart community was where the most challenging part of my experiment took place. The only way to navigate it was by using various paved cart paths which snaked from building to building. These paths were rather narrow, as if designed so that only small, golf cart sized vehicles could fit. Making matters worse, the paths had numerous sudden and sharp turns semenly better suited for speeds much lower than my fifty-five. Because of this, I ended up taking a turn a little too wide. That was right about where my experiment concluded. It turns out, the Pirelli P Zero Nero all-season tires on my Focus ST are not suitable for driving on landscaped surfaces. As a result, I was unable to avoid missing that pool. On a side note, Ford did not make the Focus ST seaworthy. Also, the so-called "no-fault" insurance in my state apparently doesn't apply to criminal trespassing and reckless endangerment. That point would prove to be moot, however, as I am currently uninsured (can't afford it with the fuel economy I'm getting lol).

At the end of the day, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. When I set out on my quest to maximize fuel economy, I knew it would ruffle a few feathers. I also ended up broke, sopping wet, and arrested. But that's always been the case with pioneers. I never heard Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or Steve Shubin complain, and neither will I. But even though I no longer have a drivers license and my Focus ST had "flood damage" reported to Carfax, I can say it felt really good to saving the environment, with the added bonus of taking a bite out of Big Oil in the process. Thanks for reading.