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raguonmynieceandnephew · 4 months ago

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I fucking love Shadowlands and I am tired of being silent

This is probably gonna be long. TL;DR at the end.

Look, Shadowlands is the second worst expansion this game has ever shipped, besides WoD. I know this is a WILD opening sentence for a defense argument, but I am a romantic, not fucking delusional. This is a fact. Point blank period. The content drought was absurd, the legendary system was completely fucked, the maw in general, the lore reduced Arthas and Garrosh quite literally to dust, The Jailer as the main villain and FUCKING THORGAST, the overall alt unfriendliness, borrowed power cranked to a million, and I have expressed how much of a fucking joke I think putting Pelagos as the new Arbriter was.

It was bad.

This has been stablished, not just by me, but by the entirety of the wow community.

But even though I agree, all these things made the game worse, I still enjoyed my experience, and I have a positive outlook on the expansion overall, which seems to be the greatest sin a World of Warcraft player can commit: I liked Shadowlands. I dare to say I liked it more than I did Dragonflight, if I think really hard about it.

You simply cannot say you liked Shadowlands in the any circle of the WoW community online, from what I have seen. I remember Kraken Latte put it in first place in a rank she made of all expansions and got shit on for days on twitter, with people failing to see what she saw in the game.

Now, I feel like I have pointlessly yapping till now, so without further ado, here are some of the Shadowlands features i like the most:

1 - THREADS OF FATE

I am a simple man, who likes to do 2 things in wow: Mythic+ and leveling. That is pretty much it. I don't PvP, I rarely raid and I occasionally indulge in RPing as a Tidesage on Moonguard. And let me tell you, this baby right here was lifechanging.

Threads of Fate is by far, the single best feature (before Warbands, lol) in my entire World of Warcraft experience. I loved it. I loved it dearly. I don't think I have ever had so much fun leveling 60-70 through Revendreth and Ardenweald with ToF. I still have the route I took memorized, it was SO good. So many bonus objectives back to back to back, world quests and that goddamn gorgeous blue forest had the FATTEST questing hubs in the game.

I was so excited to play this combined with Chromie Time, like IT WAS ON BETA, until it was ruthlessly taken away from me for no goddamn reason AT ALL. Like, what the actual fuck blizzard. Y'all don't understand how delightful it would have been to level like that in ardenweald in the mid thirty levels, right after clearing Loch Modan (or the Silverspine and Hillsbrad, for horde). I barely touched SL since it got removed.

BRING IT BACK BLIZZARD, I AM BEGGING YOU, JUST DO THIS ONE SOLID FOR ME.

2 - COVENANT CALLINGS

Speaking of features I thoroughly enjoyed that were pried from my hands, we have the best iteration of daily quests this game has ever had. They actually worked as good dailies that gave actual gold, was a good reliable source of reputation and was amazing for anima and cosmetics.

This + the recent nerfs to the Dragonracing WQs make me feel like blizzard doesn't like when players make their gold independently, like, jesus christ not all of us have time to be profession moguls.

3 - THE 4 ZONES

What inspired this post was the fact that SL raids are now on legacy loot (if you didn't know, now you do) and I had to go to Bastion to buy the weapons with the thingy that drops from Nathria and...look at this. Just look at this.

This place is one of the most beautiful things this game has to offer. Like, the entire zone is gorgeous byt seeing this for the first time since DF came out legit moved me bro, LOOK AT IT.

And while the covenants were kind of a shit show gameplay-wise, in EVERY SINGLE OTHER ASPECT, it was a 10/10 feature, argue with your mom. Aesthetics, themes, everything, simply gorgeous. Also, it got bonus points from me bcs i really do not like to use training dummies in current expansions because of the sheer amount of people blasting them at any given time, so each covenant having their own Dummy Room, was a ++++ for me.

4 - THE NECROLORDS OF MALDRAXXUS

The Necrolords were the best covenant, their campaign was the best and their characters were the best. Like, come on now.

Draka? Mother. Vashj? Mother. Emeni? Mother. Sin'dane? Mother Stradama? Grandmother. Like, are you kidding me? I know lore was one of the Weakest points of SL overall, but you are insane if you include anything involving these guys. Even the Korthia campaign was enjoyable when they had the spotlight. And I only listed the female characters lmao, don't forget The Primus, Krexus's meme death, the five houses, Morgraine, Grahmal, Marileth, like C'MON!

5 - THE DUNGEONS

Except for the Theater of Pain, and arguably the De Other Side (I personaly love it), Shadowlands has the best overall roster of dungeons in the entire game.

Sanguine Dephts is, in my opinion the second best dungeon in WoW, period, behind only Freehold, Tazavesh is the best Mega Dungeon they ever made. Mists is a banger, Plaguefall is a banger except for the tentacles, Halls of Atonement, Spires (controversial take, ik), Necrotic Wake is amazing, like, you can say whatever you want about SL, but you cannot talk shit about its dungeon design.

Except ToP.

Fuck ToP.

Now, it's getting late so imma speedrun the rest of the items:

6 - COSMETICS

SL changed the transmog game, and all cosmetics from it (all the mounts and sets from all sources) look phenomenal, and if you disagree you are simply lying to yourself.

7 - ZERETH MORTIS

The zone was good and had tons of stuff to do and collect, plus, the introduction to the Catalysts was a plus.

also, nothing will be funnier than Taelia fucking Fordragon being the talking quest bubble for WQs in THE REALM OF ULTRA DEATH

8 - RAIDS

CN: Vibes? Immaculate. SoD: Horrible systems, cool mechanics SoFO: Cool systems, mid mechanics overall a positive for me

9 - CHARACTERS

Already mentioned a lot of characters from Maldraxxus, here are my other faves: Lady Moonberry, the gay unicorm, Denathrius, Theothar, basically ever steward, The Accuser, Kael'thas, General Draven, Remornia and many more.

There are probably more reasons to list to justify my love for SL despite all the bad it has in it, but I simply do not have the mental fuel to keep going rn, i need sleep.

TL;DR: I like Shadowlands despite it being bad and would appreciate it if ppl didn't throw a fit everytime someone talks about it in any sort of positive light. I then listed Threads of Fate, Callings, the first 4 zones, dungeon design, the fuckton of collectibles, characters and the beginning of the shift in game philosophy as positive and valid reasons to be a SL enjoyer.

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danganronpasurvivoraskblog · 1 month ago

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Dangancember 2024 - Danganronpa Top 24 Class Trials: Number 24 Danganronpa 2 Case 3

//So...first thing's first...

//I am...kind of shocked that this one actually made the list. Because this trial is genuinely in my top 5 least favorite trials in the series, and it is widely considered to be the all-time worst case in the entire series for everybody else. For me personally, there are just a few that I like a little less, for a few reasons, which I've already gone over in the dishonerable mentions.

//But this trial is still good enough to manage to get onto the list, and I do think there are parts of it that people hold against it that are...a little too harsh. However, I generally do agree with the consensus that there is more room for improvement here.

//This case is the case that many in the fandom have deemed a moment where Danganronpa was at it's worse, and honestly, there is good reason for that. As much as I try to find good things about this case, it's really hard.

//This trial is the definition of a filler case in my eyes and no matter what aspect of it you look at, there's going to be a giant flaw with it.

//I'll go in detail in a bit obviously, but let it be known that this trial has a not very engaging mystery, terrible trial pacing, bad characterisations, big leaps in logic even for this series, and the absolute worst two parts of this trial for me, are the motive and the logistics, because believe it or not, this trial has something that you wouldn't expect from a series as well-constructed as Danganronpa.

//And that is…a potential plot hole! But we'll go over everything that makes this case flat out bad, while also trying to look for any positives we can find.

//Let's start this case with the first, and in my opinion, one of the biggest issues with it: The Motive.

//To its credit, when you look back at the motive, and remember that this whole story of DR2 took place inside a virtual reality simulator, then it makes a little more sense. However, that doesn't stop it from being hopelessly dumb.

//A plot point and the motive Monokuma places in this chapter, is a type of illness called the, Despair Diseasetm.

//So, as the name implies, the Despair Disease is a type of what I can only assume to be a manufactured virus that Monokuma spreads around the students on the island. You might wonder, what does it do? Well, it's quite simple! It's an illness that alters your behavior! More precisely, it alters your behaviour to be the exact OPPOSITE of your typical behavior. And I nearly forgot, too! With a single snap of his fingers, Monokuma can miraculously cure this illness, which he inevitably does after Ibuki and Hiyoko's bodies are discovered.

//Four people contract this illness around the middle of Chapter 3, and three of them spend a significant portion of the chapter in lockdown. The first is Nagito, a character who is typically forthright and honest but becomes a huge, rotten liar once afflicted. Then Ibuki, who is typically a vivacious, bubbly, and bright individual, becomes a blind fool and accepts all she is told as fact. Then Akane, who is steadfast in her beliefs and typically doesn't become upset or notice significant problems (as demonstrated in this chapter following Nekomaru's removal for treatment), becomes a person who is continuously crying and terrified of the world around her, and immediately regrets everything despite what she stated literally the day before.

//Last but not least, Mikan, who deserves praise for effectively concealing her condition, eventually transforms from passive to aggressive. To the point that she actually murders somebody.

//Yeah, because I don't really want the murderer to have a good reason to kill or anything! This isn't a ridiculous method of making a normally composed person kill someone! RIGHT!?

//*sigh* Look...The Despair Disease sucks for several reasons. Not only is, for one, incredibly dumb in concept, and two, a very blatant excuse to have a normally friendly and timid character turn out to be a murderer, but it actually really knocks down the characterization and development of a lot of the DR2 cast, who are already the best cast in the series, but this is easily their low point.

//Mikan especially, with her motivation, being tied to the Despair Disease, feels underwhelming and disconnected from her character arc. While the disease's purpose is to justify odd behavior, it robs Mikan of agency, making her actions feel less meaningful.

//Hiyoko spent the entire game tredding over Mikan. Kicking her down, and going out of her way to leave her out of EVERYTHING, and for little reason at that. Even in the moments where Hiyoko does allow herself to be vulnerable, she specifically singles Mikan out, and doesn't want anything to do with her. Even though I think Hiyoko is a much deeper character than most people usually see her as, the fact is that she was absolutely VILE to Mikan through the whole game.

//It would NOT be weird for Mikan's motivation to simply lie in the fact that she couldn't take it anymore. It would MAKE SENSE for Mikan to want to murder Hiyoko after being subjected to this abuse for so long. And if that had actually been the case, I think that could genuinely have made Mikan one of my favourite characters in the series, because not only is that a real statement on the kind of damage that bullying can cause, but it's actually a very reasonable motive!

//I mean, I'm not obviously encouraging anyone to kill their bullies, because that solves nothing. If anything, it means the bully wins because you basically just ruined your own life. But my point is there was an opportunity here, and it kind of felt wasted. There's little emotional or thematic weight to the murders committed in this chapter compared to other cases in the series.

//Oh yeah, speaking of which, why don't we talk about the fact that there's an "s" on the end of "murder" here, because Hiyoko isn't the only one that got killed this chapter, and in fact, she wasn't the original target to begin with!

//As is tradition with, weirdly, every single third case in both the main and Another series, the killer of those cases almost always murders two people. SDRA2 is the exception to this, but three people die anyway because that case had two killers, not two victims.

//But...why?

//To be frank, although three people always die in the third cases, only ONE of those cases actually kind of makes sense to have two victims. But...we'll get to that.

//For this case at least, both Ibuki and Hiyoko died, and honestly, while I feel that one of them should have died, BOTH of them shouldn't have.

//See, the thing is, with Ibuki, it doesn't feel like she could have or should have survived to the end of the game. The goal of her character was to bring light humor to the table, and to be honest, she's probably 70% of the happiness on that godforsaken island. However, her attitude, personality, and general OWO Lol rofl attitude could be viewed as a little annoying and unhelpful.

//The issue is that it simply seems as though the devs killed Ibuki in Chapter 3 because they didn't want her to survive and used this as a pretext to do so. If that isn't the case, she was most likely murdered off because the first game committed a double murder, and they wanted to make a, may I add very poor, trend of that. The point is that Ibuki was killed off without any clear rhyme or justification, and while I won't deny that her bizarre demeanor during the last few trials may have broken the somber tone, keep in mind that two of the game's most peculiar and obnoxious characters, Yasuhiro and Toko, were among the survivors of the first game! Additionally, if you were going to remove her from the equation, do it in a way that is more significant, like Gundham. Is that really so difficult?

//Then there's Hiyoko, which is an entirely seperate issue, but has the same problems.

//She appeared to be going through a bit of an arc at this time. Despite all the problems Hiyoko brought to the table in the first two parts of the game, she was attempting to live and improve herself for the benefit of Mahiru, the one person on the island with whom she truly had a good friendship, and who was killed in the previous chapter.

//Despite all of this, even after I checked up on the lore and realized it wasn't true, I can't shake the weird sense that killing a character like her off was the original plan. Hiyoko was supposed to be one of the survivors, while Fuyuhiko was supposed to be the one who died in this chapter.

//To be honest, I'm relieved that didn't happen. I was immediately more invested in Fuyuhiko's arc than I was in Hiyoko's (again, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it), so in a way, I'm glad Hiyoko died instead of him. Like Hiyoko, Fuyuhiko was going through an arc where he would live for the sake of someone who died in the previous case, but for him, it was Peko, who was the killer.

//Referring back to what I've already stated regarding the motive and Ibuki, though, it would have been preferable if she had died and ONLY she died. It would have been more intriguing to learn what caused the killer to lose it, and it could have added a little more sadness to Hiyoko's death, because she was terrible to everyone on the island at this point in her storyline, especially this case's killer.

//But no. Not only was Hiyoko killed off and had her character arc cut short for such an unscrupulous reason, but the reason why she died in the first place is because she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It had NOTHING to do with her terrible treatment of Mikan.

//What's more, she feels SO SECONDARY, that we never actually cover HOW she died! She had her throat slit but...By WHAT!? And WHEN!? Nobody seems to care!

//I simply don't understand how TWO CHARACTERS could die in this chapter, and BOTH of them feel like they died as an afterthought! Even though Hiyoko is a main character and has an arc planned out for her, she truly feels like a secondary concern; and Ibuki dies in a way that feels more like a plot device than a meaningful loss. Her death lacks the emotional resonance seen in other victims' deaths.

//And I don't know how that's even POSSIBLE, and yet...It happened!

//And what's more, not only was the double murder bad for these two characters...it was bad for the game...in GENERAL! Because it ultimately results in creating an overly-complicated murder plan that is needlessly complex and relies heavily on improbable coincidences and timing.

//The double-murder in Game 1 was, surprisingly, quite straightforward. Celeste manipulated Hifumi into helping her murder Taka so she could confuse everybody, and then before Hifumi had a chance to squeal, Celeste killed him too.

//Like, that plan MAKES SENSE! But the two double-deaths that succeed it just...DON'T!

//Mikan's plan required manipulating Ibuki into climbing the stepladder and hanging herself, while also somehow setting up Hiyoko's murder in a way that wouldn't immediately implicate her. The use of the video feed and staged crime scene adds layers of confusion without much payoff.

//The trial just drags due to excessive leaps in logic and over-reliance on mechanics like repeating the same evidence. Some revelations feel contrived, such as the reliance on the despair disease as a catch-all explanation for behavior.

//And this is where the dreaded plot hole comes in. I'm gonna try and explain this as best as I can, but even if I do that, it might sound a little complex. So please, don't hold it against me, it's the trials fault, not mine.

//Okay, so...*deep breath* To quote Hajime, here's everything that happened in this case:

//This case begins with Hajime entering the hospital, where Nagito, Akane, and supposedly Ibuki are being treated. There, he notices a broadcast on a monitor in the hospital lobby using a video system that Kazuichi set up that connects from the Hospital to the Music Venue. The original purpose of this was to allow communication across the island so that the group could better communicate while quarentining the sick students at the hospital.

//But the video appears to show a live suicide occurring at the Music Venue, with a figure wearing a bag over their head, obfuscating their identity. Hajime immediately runs to the Music Venue upon seeing it cut to black.

//However, the video was, in actuality, a ruse staged by Mikan, who had actually filmed it in the hospital conference room just above Hajime.

//When Hajime arrives at the Music Venue, he discovers Ibuki's body, already deceased for quite some time. Shocked, he rushes to the hotel to inform the others. Meanwhile, Mikan seizes this opportunity to carry out several elaborate actions at the Music Venue.

//First, she smashes the monitor used for the video broadcast.

//Second, she raises the temperature of the venue to manipulate the time-of-death estimation.

//Third, she breaks a drumstick and then glues the door shut to make it seem as though the culprit locked themselves inside, casting suspicion on those who were absent.

//And fourth, she tears off wallpaper concealing Hiyoko's already-dead body behind a stage pillar, creating the illusion that she died after Hajime's initial discovery. In actuality, Hiyoko was murdered BEFORE Ibuki after she accidentally walked in on Mikan setting up the murder, and had to be silenced. Mikan killed Hiyoko, stuck her to the wall with tape, and covered her with wallpaper before she left.

//After finishing these tasks, Mikan runs outside and encounters Fuyuhiko near the motel, where Hajime is already convincing Chiaki to return to the scene.

//Within the rough timeline, Hajime’s trip to the motel, and his success in bringing Chiaki back likely took no more than TWO! FUCKING! MINUTES! This implies that Mikan had less than TWO MINUTES to execute all of her actions that I've just listed at the Music Venue. A feat requiring EXCEPTIONAL speed, precision, and foresight.

//The issue arises with the plausibility of Mikan’s capabilities. While an athletic and quick-thinking character like Maki or Peko might believably pull off such a crime, Mikan’s established characterization makes this incredibly unlikely.

//Her clumsiness is a DEFINING trait; so much so that her falling awkwardly serves as EVIDENCE in the game's first case! Asking the audience to believe she could perform such an elaborate and precise crime strains credibility.

//I know that I kind of play with this idea in DR Survivor, with Mikan being shockingly powerful and agile despite herself when she gets serious, but it doesn't change the fact that in general, this is just really dumb, and near IMPOSSIBLE to achieve!

//I am aware more than anyone that Danganronpa makes some pretty incredible leaps in basic behavior, and the whole idea of the series is that the riddles are typically intended to be senseless and irrational from a regular standpoint. But even in the game's own universe, THIS scenario is impossible! Even if Kiyo and his seesaw were a little crazy for a murderous plot, THAT plan made sense and could probably work in a real world setting!

//And this trial is just full of really dumb leaps in logic. Here's another one! Monokuma's movie!

//This plot point where Monokuma makes a really shitty Wizard of Oz parody where he just murders all the characters, arises because Mikan apparently did an imitation murder of the events of the movie.

//It's also maybe the most forgotten points of this trial, yet being one of the most important ones altogether. Mikan had originally intended to kill Ibuki and JUST Ibuki when Hiyoko unintentionally walked in on her, therefore the imitation murder wasn't planned. Apparently, the imitation murder was simply carried out as a red herring to divert our attention from the question of why the murderer would have done it.

//Now, I kindly ask where the logic in that idea is? If I were killing someone and then unintentionally had to kill someone else who had entered my room, why in the world would my initial reaction be, "Crap, this wasn't planned! Here's an idea! I'll mimic the plot of that stupid film in order to trick everyone!"

//The answer is I wouldn't! Because that's a really dumb and ridiculous leap in logic!

//Also, you know how Danganronpa and Ace Attorney are widely recognized for their cultprits having cartoonishly dramatic emotional breakdowns when they get caught? I think Mikan might be a big reason why.

//Now, I'm all for Mikan being a crazed lunatic under her skin. Like I said, if that side was brought out in the face of snapping under repeated emotional duress, it would make sense. But Mikan's breakdown and confession, while shocking, feels inconsistent with her previous characterization.

//While there are hints at her deeper personality issues, her sudden transition into a despair-crazed killer feels jarring and poorly developed. Especially at that moment where you have no real context, and it's kind of established that "Oh, no, this is just who she really is. She was always fucking crazy."

//The despair disease is never revisited or explained in depth, making it feel like a gimmick rather than a meaningful addition to the story. The case contributes little to the overarching narrative, making it feel like filler compared to the more impactful cases before and after it. The only thing I CAN say it contributes to are two things:

It explains the tense mood throughout the first act of Chapter 4, and a large reason why Gundham was pushed to sacrifice himself. Because of Mikan's personality shift, everybody, especially Kazuichi, begins to doubt everyone else's true nature and motivations. After all, what's stopping there from being another crazed lunatic among them like her?

It's the biggest hint towards the truth of why the Remnants are there, because upon remembering, Mikan reverted to her Remnant self, which all of the others on the island actually were like before they forgot. It's an interesting thing to look back on post-game, but at the moment in time, it feels out of place and weird.

//Still, I can't pretend to completely despise this case. After all, the fact that it made the list in the first place is still an achievement. It may be among the lesser cases of the DR series, but it's still not the worst.

//For fans of Mikan, this case offers a glimpse into the darker facets of her personality, hinting at a deeper connection to despair and her toxic relationships in the past. Her breakdown and confession, while sudden and kind of nonsensical, add layers of tragedy to her character; who has already been established to be a very broken person, as it ties into her desperate desire to feel needed, even at the cost of her sanity.

//And that, even amongst every other part of her, is probably the saddest thing. She's actually the second purple-haired character in the series who was abused by everyone and yearns for codependence, but hers and Toko's are two different kinds of pain.

//The trial features standout moments of character interaction and tension, such as the beginning where Nagito accuses Hajime of being the perpetrator, although knowing that Hajime is the only one who could not have committed the crime because, before to the trial, he was the only one who did not watch Monokuma's movie.

//And again, to reiterate, the way this case subtly foreshadows the larger narrative is pretty neat upon reflection.

//The case subtly hints at overarching themes of the game, particularly the influence of despair on the characters and the blurred line between victims and culprits. And Mikan’s ties to "her beloved," which at this point in time is almost confirmed to be Junko Enoshima, and her obsession with Despair act as breadcrumbs for the larger plot twist later in the game.

//In short, Case 3 suffers from a mix of convoluted plotting, unsatisfying motivations, and lack of emotional depth, making it feel like one of the weaker cases in the series. It’s often seen as a missed opportunity for character development and storytelling. However while it might not be the strongest in terms of logical consistency or character motivations, its unique atmosphere, impact, and the spotlight on Mikan’s character arc make it a memorable chapter for me.

//Enough, at least, to earn it an honorary spot on this list.

#danganronpa survivor #danganronpa #ranking #mod talks #danganronpa 2 #dr2 #mikan tsumiki #ibuki mioda #hiyoko saionji #dangancember 2024

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fvrsaeken · 1 year ago

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NEW MUSIC FRIDAY — JULY 7, 2022: judith grimes has released her third studio album, the second under her label freebird records, a division of Campbell Worldwide Media. Throughout the week, Judith had been in New York City, visiting radio stations and being featured on various late night shows including The Late Show with Stephen Colbert where she performed marjorie live for the first time and Late Night with Seth Meyers.

During her interview with Seth Meyers, Judith talked about how this album really helped her solidify her sound as an artist. "It was nice actually, after spending so long kind of hiding away making all of these things happen, all while grieving the loss of my girlfriend Hannah and grappling with almost losing my brother, everything fell into place. In the thickest part of my grief I wrote the second half of delicate and actually most of afterglow, almost like I could make the grief lighter by writing." Seth then asked about her lead single for the album. "So you chose... not only did you write a song for your mother named marjorie, but you made it the lead single. Why did you change her name?" Judith took a moment before responding. "I didn't get a lot of time with my mom, she and my dad divorced when I five and she died when I was seven. But whenever I went to write the song, I just... for some reason having a song named after her felt too hard to write, but having it be written for her was easier if that makes sense. Kind of like how I wrote dorothea from my best friend Gracie's perspective about a friend who gets famous and moves away, I wasn't going to have it named after myself. It's easier once you remove a small portion of the personal aspect." She explained. "No I get it, you take out the part that makes it almost too unbearable to do, and you make it a little easier to swallow." Seth agreed. "Yeah exactly! And who knows maybe someone lost a loved one named marjorie so they can relate to the song."

The next night, while on The Late Show, before her performance, Judith sat down with Stephen and began with: "Okay, so because you were with Seth Meyers last night I won't ask you specifically about marjorie, which by the way we are all very excited to see you perform." He paused as the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. "I will say, this is one of your first performances in quite some time. Was this a personal choice or did it just not work scheduling wise?" He'd asked. "Thank you for that amazing fanfare by the way, gonna keep that moment in my back pocket forever. But um, it was kind of both. My first album came out and then life was kind of just like: "surprise, we're gonna actually throw you the largest amount of curveballs." so that kind of derailed any plans I had to perform." She explained. "Around then, you also... kind of famously went public with calling out Interscope Records for how they treated your brother, what was going through your head that day?" Now this question did make Judith visibly uncomfortable prompting Colbert to add: "Whatever you're comfortable with sharing of course, I know this is probably a still healing wound for you and your family." Judith gave a grateful smile before continuing: "The main thing going through my head was: I'm about to ruin a career I just started, but at least I'm going to go out on my own terms. Up until that day that I almost lost my brother, I had tried so hard to get his team to notice something was wrong, I tried to get him to notice but it's hard when you're barely seventeen and no one really wants to take you seriously. No one around him saw what was happening, or if they did see then they didn't care and I didn't want other artists, especially young artists like my brother go through that. I wanted them to know what happened, and family before fame every time." Which was met with some awww's and cheers from the crowd.

On the morning of Friday July 7, Judith sat down with Michael Strahan on Good Morning America to promote her album. "Congratulations! I can't believe it, this is your third album and you... you just turned twenty is that right?" He asked her. Judith laughed and nodded along before saying: "That's true I just turned twenty last month. It's been a wild ride." Michael agreed with her saying: "I can only imagine, you and your brother both have had very busy teen years, and in your brother's case early twenties. I'm sure that you've had this question but with both of you being famous, what does your dad think about it all?" Judith paused for a second. "Oooh I don't think I've actually had this question before, maybe Carl has but I mean I'd hope that he's just happy that his kids are doing something they love. You know we get to do really cool things for him, my brother and I. He gets to travel with us and see the world, although I'm pretty sure he's seen New York City more than anywhere else." She paused her answer to wave to her dad who waved back earnestly. "I didn't know he was here with you! I guess that makes sense, okay so let's ask him, Rick how do you feel about your kids being famous? What do you think of it all?" Once the PA had made their way to Rick with a microphone, the father of two answered: "I mean I really am so proud of both of them. They worked hard to get where they are, overcome more than their fair share. To be able to watch them both grow and flourish in their own ways in the same industry is incredible." The answer moved Judith to tears as she was seen grabbing Kleenex once the camera cut back to her. "We definitely couldn't have done it without all of his support, and I think Carl would be okay with me saying that for both of us."

#&.* j.g. | ch. study #&.* j.g. | a. miss americana

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becuzmdsaidineededpersonality · 22 days ago

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I don't know. I think it's a little disingenuous to portray conversations and frustrations from lesbians and sapphic women as just "petty infighting" and that these arguments are meant to breed "frustration and resentment".

Amazon Prime has removed several queer women from their adaptations while the queer men are still included.

21/30 of the canceled queer shows between 2020-2022 were about lesbians, sapphic women and/or WLW. (And this isn't even all of them...)

It's also been pretty well known that outside of a few exceptions of adaptational shows and films, shows and movies that focus on lesbians, sapphic women and/or WLW tend to get far less advertising and less diversity in the types of advertising that are given. I think a really good example of this is how much and how many different advertising methods were used for the adaptation of Red, White, & Royal Blue (a one-time summer film that is now getting a sequel that has nothing to do with the original source material) and A League of Their Own (a show with multiple episodes that was originally slated to have more than one season before the creators were ultimately screwed over by Amazon and it was cancelled after one season)

Don't even have to do a deep analysis. Just count the number of videos on Amazon's youtube channels RWRB has in comparison to ALOTO.

We're not mad and bringing this up because we think there is "too much gay man rep" because this is a pointless argument and a stupid one because what does that even mean and why would these standards of "too much" not apply to all the straight male characters out there? Also, I am pretty sure Asian gay men and Black gay men and Arab gay man and trans gay men and so forth and so on do not feel there is "tons of gay rep for them!"

We're also not mad and bringing this up because "certain content with your identity blowing up but it doesn't feel representative of you, isn't a genre you like, or is made by straight people / those not of your identity."

Now, are there people on places like twitter who will never be happy with any kind of lesbian, sapphic, and/or WLW representation in any storyline and literally are unable to accept the concept that "no, not every single storyline with a lesbian and/or sapphic character is going to align with your experiences" and will say things like "there has literally never been lesbians in (insert genre here) and when someone provides them with examples, they get defensive and shift the goal post because "well that genre is stupid and so and so ain't even a real lesbian so it doesn't count"? Sure, but should they really get to be discussed with any sort of validity when there are genuine points to be made about systemic discrimination and underfunding and undervaluing of lesbian, sapphic, and/or WLW representation in comparison to gay, achillean, and/or MLM representation...and when these arguments and evidence and discussions come up, it just gets brushed away and not taken seriously and literally nothing is done about it?

In fact, a lot of the canceled shows I am defending and talking about I don't even like because they are...well...not my thing.

And one of the problem shows mentioned, the Invincible adaptation, I actually enjoy for the most part. But as another fellow gender media studies researcher who is way smarter and better than me said, it's both possible, and even necessary, to simultaneously enjoy media while also being critical of its more problematic or pernicious aspects, and blatantly straight washing a lesbian character and a lesbian couple is a huge problem and I can and should speak out about this. And I will!

Now, I do agree with the overall message of this post. Consume media outside of your own genres to see more rep you want to see. The real issue is there not being enough representation in general. Yes, yes, yes. All good and correct things.

But it is beyond frustrating when every time this conversation comes up and lesbians like me point out the lesbaphobia and sexism against storylines revolving around lesbians, sapphic women, & WLW in many different facets that ultimately cause real world effects...I can't stand this framing because it ignores the larger picture and allows this stuff to be considered normal and expected.

Also, in what world is there more WLW representation than MLM representation in animated shows?

In kids shows, sure. But adding in adult animation?

Harley Quinn, Hazbin Hotel, Tuca and Birdie, and Arcane are four shows out of hundreds that tend to be male dominated and focus primarily on male storylines. Also, they suffer from the "later season sapphic trope" (with the exception of Hazbin) which while not an issue in and of itself, should be included in this conversation. No, not every person is going to like every single one and not every single one is going to be the "gold standard" when it comes to gay male rep...but if we are talking a pure numbers game...it's probably not even going to be close.

And speaking of adult animation, I often use Q-Force as an example of subtle lesbophobia presented in lesbian representation. The main gay male couples get tons of sex scenes, get to tell sex jokes...while the two main lesbian couples can't go past holding hands and a quick kiss (maybe, I don't even think they kissed but just to be sure) If you ever want to see some of the stuff I am talking about, watch that show and you will see. (now it is still a legit fun show too and I like it but again...the whole "it's both possible, and even necessary, to simultaneously enjoy media while also being critical of its more problematic or pernicious aspects")

I think a way better example to point to would be AAA studio video games because while m-spec and bisexual characters outnumber all LGBT representation in AAA studio video games, removing them from the equation and not including NPCs and putting the lesbian and gay male representation of protagonists side by side, this may be one of the few media categories where lesbian rep outnumbers gay male rep, and that is an issue and should be discussed.

But maybe I am wrong and there is a whole list of lesbian and/or sapphic characters in adult animated shows I am missing...this is more of the anecdotal part of the rant rather than the "here's proof this is happening" so take this with a grain of salt."

I see a lot of fighting online when it comes to gay rep. With extreme people on either sides but at the end of the day the real issue is we just don’t have enough lgbt rep. Plain and simple.

Some mediums / age demographics tend to lean a little more in one direction then the other, so if you only consume one you can feel like you are missing out (ie : there being more wlw content in animated shows and there being more mlm content in YA books)

And it leads to a lot of yelling online. People saying gay men get too much rep, people saying lesbians get too much rep. People wanting to see themselves in a medium they often consume and either getting straight content or content about lgbt not like them.

Or certain content with your identity blowing up but it doesn’t feel representative of you, isn’t a genre you like, or is made by straight people / those not of your identity.

It can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, resentment and being left behind. And I see it also leads to soooooo much infighting. When at the end of the day there just isn’t enough gay content.

It’s something that has to be sought out, even if it’s easier now then ever and we have access to stuff old and new. It’s still not enough.

#as stated before more of a rant of frustration #but something to think about #not trying to pick on OP #their heart is in the right place #and I do have a lot of respect for them #as they have done a lot of work for bringing lesbian history #to a more mainstream audience #more than I could ever do #but damn if this kind of framing just doesn't piss me the fuck off #every time I see it #i just had to say something

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ondddddd1111 · 2 years ago

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0 notes

howlingday · 3 years ago

Note

tragic backstory (tm) au) jaune still has the best raw stats in beacon, however he's still getting his ass kicked by the more skilled fighters. blake thinks that maybe there's a psychological block on him after his tragic past preventing him from truly fighting to kill, or perhaps he's just trying to hold back a dark powerful (sexy) beast and fears letting it loose on his friends.

a blushing team rwby and pyrrha decide that it's their duty to help him "let loose" nora makes a note in her jaune notebook jaune arc: fearless leader, tragic figure, future knight, dark sexy beast.

clearly writing down these aspects of him won't confuse future historians who are trying to find out the truth... surely

Foot of All Fears

Tell me, what are you afraid of? Something reasonable, like venomous spiders or snakes? Something inlikely to occur, but possible, like sinking in quicksand or eaten by sharks? Perhaps your greatest fear is something existential, like being alone or dying knowing nothing you do or have done means any- What? What do you mean I'm projecting?!

Goodwitch: Match! Winner is Yang Xiao Long.

Yang: Aw, yeah! Better luck next time, bro!

Jaune: (On his back, Panting) So... Hot...

Goodwitch: Bear in mind, Mr. Arc, that while aura is an effective defense against physical attacks, it can only do so much against alternative means, such as poison, the elements, and, yes, even temperature. Miss Xiao Long was effective in not only dwindling your aura reserve, but also physical limits against heat. ...Can you move, Mr. Arc?

Jaune: So hot...

Goodwitch: Oh dear.

Cinder: Pathetic!

Ozpin: One would think he'd be immune to heat after your numerous bouts with him?

Cinder: I never used heat against him. Well, not in the way she did. She layed heat on top of heat on top of him, forcing him to take it until he dropped. My attacks are strong enough to incapacitate him on a single strike with force alone. The heat was never a factor. (Smirks) Until now.

Goodwitch: In summary, be aware of all dangers in combat, and not just the physical effects of a few bumps, bruises, and broken bones. (Turns around) Is Mr. Arc feeling better?

Weiss: (Wearing gloves, Hovering ice dust over Jaune) He's cooling down, but I don't know if-

Jaune: (Weakly raises a thumbs up)

Goodwitch: He claims to be well, but we'll have the infirmary determine that. (Dials into her scroll) Are there any questions?

Ruby: (Raises her hand) What happens if we overheat in a real situation?

Goodwitch: I would advise you fall back from the heat source, and try to cool yourself down as safely as possible. It wouldn't do for you to remove your armor, only to be shot because it wasn't there.

Yang: So you're saying if you're shot through the heart, and you're to blame-?

Goodwitch: (Rubs her temples) Miss Xiao Long, I swear...

Weiss: How's Jaune?

Pyrrha: He'll be here shortly. Ren volunteered to escort him.

Yang: Not keeping an eye on your partner yourself, P-Money?

Pyrrha: Ren said he wanted to discuss something in private with him, so I agreed to let him take this one.

Nora: Ooh! Secrets! Who knows what Ren is telling him...

Emerald: I doubt it's anything important. Ren's as bland as they come.

Nora: (Gasps) How dare...

Blake: Speaking of secrets, does anyone know how Jaune lost to Yang?

Yang: You mean besides the obvious?

Ruby: Yeah, Jaune may be smart, tactical, kind, handsome, rugged-

Yang: Easy there, Rubio.

Ruby: Uh, but he's still not on Yang's level in terms of strength.

Pyrrha: I doubt he was on Adam's either. Blake?

Blake: Adam is a lot of things. He's spiteful, agressive, and strong enough to hold his own against an Atlas Spider-Droid on his own. Jaune was able to outsmart him, but I think that may have been more luck that he managed to hold his own against him.

Yang: Or, and hear me out, Adam wasn't so tough? I mean, I bet I could beat him with only one arm!

Mercury: I'd pay to see that.

Blake: Hm, or maybe... Has Jaune ever fought against a female opponent?

Ruby: There was that May girl from Vacuo.

Pyrrha: I sparred with him a few times.

Nora: I fought him once! (Serious look) And never again.

Weiss: What are you thinking, Blake?

Blake: Well, it's debunked now, but I initially thought Jaune had a mental block against female opponents, but that wouldn't make sense if he fought Pyrrha, Nora, and Yang himself. Does anyone know what he's afraid of?

Ruby: During leader indoctrination, he admitted he was afraid of spiders, bees, and angry women.

Yang: I can believe the last two, but what's so scary about spiders?

Blake: You'd be surprised.

Yang: Huh?

Blake: When I was walking around the abandoned wing-

Weiss: The one place we were forbidden from entering because of the potential Grimm activity and the delapidated structure?

Mercury: You guys sure do have a lot of fun places here at Beacon. Cliff-diving at the Emerald Forest, sap collecting at Forever Fall, and even an abandoned wing and sub-ba- Ow!

Emerald: (Whispers) Shut. Up. Merc!

Blake: I walked around and I ran into a spider-like Grimm. It seemed to use some kind of hypnosis to make me see my worst fears and insecurities. I was able to overcome it, thankfully, and I managed to destroy it.

Ruby: I'm glad to hear you managed to beat it.

Blake: Yes, but... What if Jaune didn't?

Ruby: Huh?

Blake: What if Jaune didn't overcome his fears, and that's the mental block? What if he saw something so horrible in his past, he repressed it until something triggered it today?

Pyrrha: Like what?

Yang: Prof Goodwitch said to be careful of overheating in a fight. What if heat made him relive that memory?

Pyrrha: What could it have been?

Blake: What if... it's the Winter Solstice?

Nora: Winter Solstice? In autumn?

Blake: The Winter Solstice. Also known in the Lunar Tribe as the Night of Hot. Slaves are forced to build a pyre as high as they can, and whoever couldn't build theirs high enough were thrown onto the biggest pyre.

Ruby: But Jaune didn't lose, right? I mean, he doesn't have any burns, right?

Ren: No, he doesn't.

Nora: Ren! Where's Jaune?

Ren: He's getting his lunch. During shared shower time in the locker room, I've never seen any scars or burn marks on his body.

Pyrrha: (Blushing, Whispers) Lucky...

Nora: Did you see his-

Ren: Yes, Nora, I saw his-

Weiss: (Blushing, Shrieks) Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Yang: (Blushing) Y-Yeah! I don't want to hear about my brother's-

Nora: Does he have all ten?

Yang: Huh?

Weiss: Ten?

Ren: Yes, Nora, he has all ten toes.

Jaune: Who doesn't have ten toes?

Nora: I thought you didn't. I heard Velvet say you lost you third toe in a bet with the Sky Pirates!

Jaune: (Rolls his eyes) Whatever, Nora. (Bites into his sandwich)

Mercury: (Snickers)

Blake: Jaune, if you don't mind me asking, what are you most afraid of?

Jaune: Huh? (Swallows) Well, losing my friends and family for one.

Ruby: Aw!

Nora: So sweet!

Emerald: (Rolls her eyes) Typical.

Jaune: After that, I'd say spiders, bees, and anything else that bites or stings me. (Finishes his sandwich)

Yang: What about fire?

Jaune: Hm? Mm! (Swallows) Oh, because of our match? I, uh, wasn't really afraid. I just didn't have a way to counter you. If I got too close, you would have taken me down with your punches and kicks, and it's not like I can bounce your attacks back at you. (Picks up his drink)

Pyrrha: What about your Scarlet Sunset Strike?

Jaune: My what?

Pyrrha: Oh, that's what we call your sword beam.

Jaune: Oh, that. Well, I haven't gotten the hang of it, and it's too direct. If I used it, Yang would have dodged it, and I would have wasted a part of my aura. (Chugs his glass)

Mercury: You've got a massive reserve, right?

Jaune: (Sets empty glass) Mm... With the extra work I have, I need every bit of aura I've got.

Emerald: So you're not afraid of fire or heat?

Jaune: Uh... (Pokes his salad) No more than the average person, I guess. (Bell rings, He sighs) Well, that's the bell. I'll see you all in class. (Walks away)

Emerald: There you have it. He just didn't know how to fight blo- er, Yang, yet.

Yang: Yeah, I am pretty amazing.

Weiss: Still, there was something off about what he was doing.

Emerald: Eating lunch? I don't get what's so weird about it.

Blake: He was rushing to finish his food.

Emerald: He just showed up!

Pyrrha: And yet Ren was calmly eating. He's hiding something from us.

Emerald: You're all ridiculous!

Weiss: Welcome to the club.

Jaune: (Running down the halls) Almost... There! (Skids into class, Bell rings) Made it! (Blinks) Wait, this is the Advanced Tactics classroom. Oh no! I already had this class!

#rwby #rwby au #tragic backstory (tm) au #glynda goodwitch #yang xiao long #jaune arc #cinder fall #ozpin #professor ozpin #headmaster ozpin #weiss schnee #ruby rose #blake belladonna #nora valkyrie #pyrrha nikos #emerald sustrai #mercury black

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writingwithcolor · 4 years ago

Text

Space based story with prison camps: problematic parallels?

Trigger warnings:

Holocaust

Unethical Medical Experimentation (in the post and resources)

ivypool2005 asked:

I'm writing a sci-fi novel set on Mars in the 25th century. There are two countries on Mars: Country A, a hereditary dictatorship, and Country B, a democracy occupied by Country A after losing a war. Country A's government is secretly being puppeted by a company that is illegally testing experimental technology on children. On orders from the company, Country A is putting civilian children from Country B in prison camps, where the company can fake their deaths and experiment on them. (1/2)

My novel takes place in one of the prison camps. I am aware that this setting carries associations with various concentration camps in history. Specifically, I'm worried about the experimentation aspect, as I know traumatic medical experimentation occurred during the Holocaust. Is there anything I should avoid? How can I acknowledge the history while still keeping some fantasy/sci-fi distance from real experiences -- or is it a bad idea to try to straddle that fence at all? Thank you! (2/2)

We are far from being the only people to have suffered traumatic medical experiments..

--Shira

TW: Unethical Medical Experimentation (in the post, and all of the links)

Medical experimentation in history

Perhaps without intending to, you have posed an enormous question.

I will start by saying that we, the Jewish people, are not the only group to have unethical, immoral, vicious experiments performed on our bodies. Horrific experimentation has been conducted on Black people, on Indigenous people, on disabled people, on poor people of various backgrounds, on women, on queer people... the legacy of human cruelty is long. Here are some very surface-level sources for you, and anyone else interested to go through. Many, many more can be found.

General Wiki Article on Unethical Human Experimentation

US Specific Article on Unethical Human Experimentation

The early history of modern American Gynecology is largely comprised of absolutely inhumane experimentation, mostly on enslaved women (with some notable exceptions among Irish immigrant women)

An Article on Gynecological Experimentation on Enslaved Women

I also recommend reading Medical Bondage by Deirdre Cooper Owens

The Tuskegee Experiment

First Nations Children Denied Nutrition

Guatemala Syphilis Experiment

Unit 731

AZT Testing on Zimbabwean Women

Project MKUltra

Conversion Therapy

Medical Experiments on Prison Inmates

Medical Interventions on Intersex Infants and Children

Again, these are only a few, of a tragic multitude of examples.

While I don't feel comfortable saying, as a blanket statement, that stories like this should never be fictionalized, it feels important to emphasize the historicity of medical experimentation, and indeed, medical horrors. These things happened, in the real world, throughout history, and across the globe.

The story of this kind of human experimentation is one of immense cruelty, and the complete denial of the humanity of others. Experimentation was done on unwilling subjects, with no real regard for their wellbeing, their physical pain, the trauma they would incur, the effect it would have on families, or on communities. These are stories, not of random, mythical "subjects," but of human beings. These were Black women, already suffering enslavement, who were medically tortured. These were Indigenous children, who were utterly powerless, denied nutrition, just to see what would happen. These were Black men, lied to about their own health, and sent home to infect their spouses, and denied treatment once it was available. These were Aboriginal Australians, forced to have unnecessary medical procedures, children given brutal gynecological exams, and medications that were untested.. These were inmates in US prisons, under the complete control of the state. These were prisoners of war. These were pregnant people, desperate to save their fetuses, lied to by doctors. These were also Jewish people, imprisoned, and brutalized as part of a systematic attempt to destroy us.

The story of medical torture, of experimentation without any meaningful consent, of the removal of human dignity, and human rights, is so vast, and so long, there is no way to do it justice. It is a story about human beings, without agency, without rights, it's the story of doctors, scientists, and the inquisitive, looking right through a person, and seeing nothing but parts. This is not some vague plot point, or a curiosity to note in passing, it is a real, terrible thing that happened, and is still happening to actual human beings. I understand the draw, to want to write about the Worst of the Worst, the things that happen when people set aside kindness, and pick up cruelty, but this is not simply a device. This kind of torture cannot be used as authorial shorthand, to show who the real bad guys are.

On writing this subject - research

If you want to write a fictional story that includes this kind of deep, abiding horror, you need to immerse yourself in it. You need to read about it, not only in secondhand accounts, and not only from people stating facts dispassionately. You need to seek out firsthand accounts, read whatever you can find, watch whatever videos you can find. You need to find works recounting these atrocities by the descendants, and community members of people who suffered.

Then, when you have done that, you need to spend time reflecting, and actively working to recognize the humanity of the people this happened to, and continues to happen to.

You have to recognize that getting a stamp of approval from three Jewish people on a single website would never be enough, and seek out multiple sensitivity readers who have personal, familial, or cultural experience with forced experimentation.

If that seems like a lot of work, or overkill, I beg you not to write this story. It's simply too important.

-- Dierdra

If you study public health and sociology, it is often a given that the intersection of institutional power and marginalized populations produces extreme human rights abuses. This is not to say that such abuse should be treated as an inevitability, but rather to help us understand, as Dierdra says, how often we need to be aware of the risk of treating our fellow humans poorly. Much of modern medical history is the story of the unwilling sacrifices made by people unable to defend themselves from the powers that be. Whether we are talking about the poor residents of public hospitals in France during the 18th century whose bodies were used to advance anatomy and pathology, to vaccine testing in the 19th century, to mental asylum patients in the 20th century who endured isolation, lobotomies, colectomies and thorazine, one can easily see this pattern beyond the Holocaust.

Even when we shift our focus away from abuse justified by “experimentation”, we have many such incidents of institutionalized state collusion in abuse that have made the news within the last 20 years with depressing regularity. Beyond the examples mentioned above, I offer border migrant detention centers and black sites for America, Xinjiang re-education sites and prisoner organ donation in China, Soviet gulags still in use in Russia, and North Korean forced labor camps (FLCs) for political prisoners as more current examples. I agree with Dierdra that these themes affect many people still alive today who have endured such abuses, and are enduring such abuses.

More on proper research and resources

Given that you are going to be exploring a topic when the pain is still so fresh, so raw, I think you had better have something meaningful to say. Dierdra’s recommendation to immerse yourself in nonfiction primary sources is essential, but I think you will also want to brush up on many established works of dystopian fiction featuring themes relating to state institutions and the exploitation of vulnerable populations. While doing so, read about the authors and how the circumstances of their environments and time periods influenced their stories’ messages and themes. I further recommend that you do so both slowly and deliberately so you can both properly take in the information while also checking in with your own comfort.

- Marika

#holocaust #holocaust tw #prison camps #oppression #tragedy exploitation #torture tw #resources #death tw #abuse tw #asks #history

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gentil-minou · 3 years ago

Note

Warning this is gonna be extremely rambly and long winded. Thank you for your patience <3

As someone who has experienced abuse, I love the sentimonster theory.

In truth I'm actually very similar to Adrien, We have both lived an entire life under emotional abuse. I mean we have the same hair too but thats irrelevant. Now our situations aren't one to one but our trauma responses and the way our trauma has changed us is nearly identical. The only glaring difference is that he is an overly altruistic dork where i became cynical and sarcastic. Relentless optimism, 0 self preservation, jokes constantly,

We are both incredibly passive and his triggered response about being a burden and how he goes about that is the same. I see a lot of myself represented directly in Adrien, and it means a lot to me because you don't often see emotional abuse portrayed on tv, much less for boys.

I have been able to remove myself from my bad situation and have for the first time seen what its like to be free of constant emotional manipulation. I am learning how to be normal and the reactions and systems i've built up for myself. Everyday I feel like a fish out of water because I also have to learn how to be normal.

Just like Adrien I don;t really know how to talk to people or make friends, what a normal reaction to conflict is, who I am and figuring out my identity. I am constantly learning new things about myself and i act like a lost puppy, because i truly am.

The sentiAdrien theory in my opinion doesnt invalidate his abuse, it is a plot relevant reminder of it. It shows what it is like to be abused to someone who either hasnt been or doesnt realize they have, (much like where Adrien is right now). The feelings of no control, no identity or purpose. It also gives Adrien a physical reminder of his own self in the future. A ring that shows that he is in control of his destiny.

I love the theory and how it can help younger viewers, or normal viewers, and even our characters understand just how emotional abuse works and affects someone.

It completely changes the way your brain is wired and your perception of things. You feel like you have no control, and are hopeless. Thats why you develop intense optimism.

Now this show has come to me at an important part of my life, right when I was leaving my situation and moving away. When you are abused by a parent or authority figure that you cannot simply avoid and/or rely on theres almost stages of trauma.

When you're like adrien you're in the thick of it and don't realize the impact on you. Once you leave and your brain starts to stabilize only then can you realize the truth of it. I think that many of the people who dislike the theory do so because it reminds them of things they dont want to think about, and relate adrien having a path of acceptance and love ahead of him might get a little jealous because it felt/feels uncertain to them.

It upsets me a tad that people hate the theory but thats whatever. I really like it and I am very interested to see where they go with it. Up until this point I am very satisified on how they have portrayed adriens character and his reactions. I think the show does a really good job of showing emotional abuse in a kids cartoon.

I hope they never redeem gabe, and i'm riding on the kids show aspect to get that happy ending. I am worried on adrien's future with having no parents, and I do think emilie is somewhat evil and might wake up from her coma.

I really enjoy all your meta analysis and read every single one. I love hearing you talk about these things from an educated standpoint and show how this theory isn't inherently harmful to abuse survivors/victims.

It really gives me hope personally to read your kind words and shout out to my best boy Adrien <3

Anon I have to say, thank YOU for sharing your inspiring story and journey with me. It was truly one of the highlights of my day.

I don't have much to add on besides to agree with what you said, because I also think sentiadrien offers valuable insight into the complexities of what it's like to heal from this sort of trauma and how hard it is.

It makes sense to me why some people hate it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, I definitely have some of mine that would be controversial. What's important to remember is that, like you said, Adrien is going to be okay because the show will have a happy ending for him. And he will likely be stronger too, just like you are for being able to speak your truth <3

I also hope Gabe rots in jail, but I think Adrien will be okay in the future. He has Mari, and Plagg, and Tikki, and Nino, and Alya, and Tom and Sabine, and an entire army of friends (and fans) ready to support him. And I think even if he doesn't seem okay, he will continue living and moving forward because he would have shown how strong he is to be able to move forward from a traumatic situations. (Just like you, anon <3)

#thank you for sharing your story <3 #im glad this theory and my posts have given you so much hope and i hope you can feel my love bursting through your screen ^_^#i wish you luck in your healing journey friend #miraculous ladybug #sentiadrien #ml psychology #tw 'abuse'#tw 'trauma'#asked and answered #bushy overthinks things

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vampireinterview · 4 years ago

Text

It has come to my attention that some of you have not been made aware of the fact that Plato was well known for being a Destiel shipper, in addition to the fact that he also wrote some philosophical works on the side. Let me explain.

Plato was an Athenian thinker whose real name was Aristocles (Plato most likely comes from the Greek word for ‘broad”, he might have been so jacked that people nicknamed him for his wide shoulders, which is irrelevant to the topic at hand but I’m collecting receipts on my hypothesis that all hellers are physical beheamoths). His work regarding the philosophy of love can be interpreted through the lens of the Deancas love story, which can potentially lead us to discover the very essence of what makes Destiel so impactful and universal, so bear with me, I’ll make it as introductory as possible.

Plato’s Symposium is a dialogue which contains the philosopher’s basic view on what love can be. The influence of the aforementioned text has been so strong that even those of us who are blissfully unaware of its contents have heard of the concept of “platonic love”. It is with great disappointment that I have to inform you about the fact that the way in which the term is colloquially used can be considered quite removed from the core idea of what Plato’s love is supposed to be about. Commonly people utilize it to refer to a non-romantic and non-sexual emotion towards an individual. However, even though the extrasensory love was the end goal, it was never too far distanced from the earthly, carnal desire that was supposed to lay the foundation for greater experiences.

One of the most illustrative elements of the Symposium is no doubt the Love Ladder metaphor (also known as Diotima’s Ladder of Love, the Scala Amoris); Plato believes the act of loving to be a part of the process of initiation into the non-material world of ideas. Every step of the ladder helps one approach the transcendence of one’s soul, and so we can single out six steps to immortal absolutes:

1. The first step is developing an appreciation for a particular person. It’s a very much carnal (though not necessarily conventionally sexual) desire for beauty of a specific individual. According to Plato only through the love of the physical can one love the non material. The visceral infatuation with another’s body is often strongly rooted with the self-hatred of one’s own aesthetical poverty: within the carnal love we seek to find that which our own body lacks. The desire between Dean and Cas doesn’t have to be seen as strictly sexual, as the appreciation of beauty does not warrant a conventionally erotic subtext. This sort of fascination with the flesh is most noticeably highlighted in the many “eye sex” scenes in seasons 4-5, and is later brought up by Hester:

The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost.

2. The second step stems from the appreciation for all physicality derived directly from the love one has for the lover’s form. It’s fleshed out any time Dean finds beauty in the dark times, where he would have never found it before or when Cas sees humanity through the lens of the love he has for the beauty within Dean Winchester. This step is all about finding the allure in everybody, not in spite of but rather because of having fallen for a specific person’s material form.

3. The next step is a love which transcends the physical and teaches an individual to feel affection towards the souls. The attraction one can experience in relation to that which is non material is precisely what takes the function of the driving force behind both Castiel’s and Dean’s decisions in season 6 and onward (arguably even much earlier for Cas? or even Dean? Maybe we’re talking about season 4?). As evidenced by the apparent lack of attraction Dean experiences towards Jimmy himself, he must have already moved on to this stage (the Cas he loves is not just the vessel he inhabits). Castiel on the other hand feels heavily infatueted with Dean’s spiritual allure (even when he’s physically on the verge of a breakdown, he’s still beautiful, still Dean Winchester).

4. It is only then that one can find love for the institution. If one worships souls, then one also has to worship the product of those souls: and, sure enough, loving humanity led Castiel to love its structures and ethical systems and be willing to die fighting for them. In the later seasons he exhibits fascination over all the little rules that guide an average human’s life (which is especially fleshed out in his season 7 dialogues, where he contemplates all the small details of the societal structure, ie: how important is lipstick to you?, maybe the human institutions should ban its production). Same can be said of Dean: the customs and traditions of other people are subject to his affectionate protection in the later seasons, which sets s6 and onwards Dean apart from the early seasons Dean who cared mostly about his blood relatives. The found family arc was for him a process of growing attached to the order of life which was previously foreign to him, and him learning to navigate functioning within a big family structure and an organization (the last one is physically manifested by his move from a chaotic life spent at random motels to living at the bunker, property of the institution of Men Of Letters).

5. Then comes the deep appreciation of knowledge. Now, it is widely disputed whether what Plato meant should be strictly narrowed down to just one kind of knowledge (in many English translations you might encounter the word ‘science’, though used in the ancient sense). The process of gaining knowledge is often equated with the understanding of ideas in Plato’s work, therefore we’re going to stick with that. The act of loving the process of discovering both the external and the internal world is a strong factor which pushes Dean to self examination, or the examination of the inner psyche. It is that pursuit of knowledge that is the very coronation of his entire character arc: the realization of his role within the story (”I’m not the ultimate killer”) which was directly derived from the act of loving Cas.

6. The final stage of platonic love is reaching the love of the very concept of Love. Once again, interpretations vary, but for the sake of the argument, I’ll clarify that: the discussed kind of love transcends both the body and the soul. An individual is in love with Beauty, not just one of it’s physical or spiritual manifestations. In my opinion, this stage is extremely well depicted during the 15x18 confession scene, for it is a kind of love achieved by Castiel. He is no longer just in love with the body or soul of Dean, he’s also in love with the sole idea of loving him. He quite literally states that he’s fallen in love with the idea of just being, just saying it, just falling in love.

Upon achieving this state, he transcends his material conditions both by leaving the human world (his move to another dimension - the Empty - could be just an illustrative manifestation of the transcendental move of his essence) and giving birth to a new world order. The way in which he later on goes to rebuild Heaven and give birth to a completely new, structure of the universe is in line with a concept that Plato ties into the finale step of the Ladder - pregnancy of the soul. At one point in Symposium he describes Diotima saying that:

That in that life alone, when he looks at Beauty in the only way that Beauty can be seen--only then will it become possible for him to give birth not to images or virtue (Because he’s in touch with no images), but to true virtue (Because he is in touch with the true Beauty).

What is the christian equivalent and personification of the true idea of Virtue if not the abstract concept of Heaven? The moment Cas creates a new portrayal of Virtue he finishes the Ladder. It could also be argued that the true pregnancy of the soul was actually finished when Jack ascended to the status of God: an entity which belongs to the realm of ideas and is perfect by its very nature is birthed through Castiel’s love (which can be traced back to the feelings he has for Dean Winchester).

And it is the fact that Dean’s arc got stuck on the fifth stage of the Ladder that causes me so much pain. He dies before transcending and experiencing the non-temporal and non-relative feeling of love that one can gain only through the admiration of beauty itself. His life was cut short and his soul has already left the mortal, physical world, therefore he is forever unable to experience the feeling of loving Love and Virtue so much that his soul gives birth to an unbreakable idea.

In conclusion: if you ever see somebody say that Dean and Castiel’s relationship is platonic, just agree. It is very much so platonic in the sense that through their carnal and spiritual desires they’ve manged to (nearly, in Dean’s case) transcend their material conditions and reached the divine aspect of ideal Beauty and Virtue, rooted in a love that’s so deep that it’s perfectly able to redefine the structure of one’s existence.

tagging some people who have vaguely expressed interest in acquiring the third eye:

@cryptcas @futureheadnerd @doctorprofessorsong @sinnabonka @theangelwiththewormstache @absoluteheller @fivefeetfangirl

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caffeinated-cryptid · 4 years ago

Text

patton and the no-good day

5.9k words | AO3 link | warnings: angst, alcohol, swearing, arguing, lashing out, minor injury, crying, fire, repetition.

“Patton wants to know what it’s like to make the right choices, so he tries...And tries. And tries and tries andtriesandtries-

(aka: a time loop fic where patton manages to revisit the day of svs, this time with the goal of making everyone happy. he quickly discovers that he's bitten off more than he can chew.)”

________________________________

Patton was unhappy. And he was unhappy because everyone else was unhappy. After the wedding, he had become so intimately aware of every mistake he had made. From Logan’s quiet dismissal when he tried to talk to him, to Virgil’s obvious avoidance of everyone, to Roman’s complete shutdown.

The only sides he could assume weren’t mad at him at the moment were Janus and Remus. And Remus was only a maybe, just based on how excited he’d been to hear that he had turned into a giant muscular frog alone.

Patton could only grimace upon recalling his breakdown. It was supposed to be the turning point for him, an indication of ‘Hey, I've come to realize that I’m deeply flawed but now I’m able to start fixing things!’. But of course, it didn’t turn out like that. Every day that passed only grew harder and harder with his mistakes staring him in the face. He was tired of waking up, dreading the insurmountable process of trying to make things right and failing, only to fall asleep and try again the next day.

It was like he was trapped in a loop of identical days, each one as ineffective as the last.

Patton could barely imagine the end of this tunnel, until one morning, he woke up and for once everything felt... different.

He ignored the feeling at first as got ready as usual, heading out towards the kitchen with the expectation of seeing empty chairs at empty tables once more. Except when he walked in this time, preparing to make a breakfast no one would eat, everyone was there already seated. It was just like how everything was before-- Janus and Remus were absent, but Logan, Virgil, Roman...all of the sides he considered his best friends were there, all togeher in one place for the first time in weeks.

He burst into tears on the spot and they collectively startled, immediately questioning what was wrong. It took a few minutes to convince them all that he was fine, that he just got emotional seeing them all because he loved them so much (which wasn't even a lie!), and in the end they accepted his explanation because sometimes that was just what Patton was like. As he sat down and tried to act as normal as possible, he couldn't help but stare at all of them, so carefree as they chatted and poked fun at each other. There wasn't a single furrowed brow, or a hidden frown, or a look of hurt. It was unfortunately because of that that he knew his gut feeling was right; there was something strange going on here.

Throughout the morning, Patton couldn’t put his finger on what was so familiar about this day until he felt a certain series of events occur: Thomas gets a call. He picks up the phone and talks with the casting agent for a famous director. He’s told that he got the callback for his audition and he’s terribly excited, so excited that his sides come out to celebrate with him and-

Oh. Oh! That was his cue, wasn’t it? Patton bit back a frown, rising up to share their excitement and then to remind them about the wedding that was scheduled for the same day. It was hauntingly familiar, seeing the way Thomas and Roman became dejected and knowing that this was only the start of an uphill battle.

And then Fauxgan came in- or rather Janus, disguised as Logan- and when Patton saw his new snakey friend, his chest swelled with excitement. This was his opportunity to change things! He knew that in the current script, Janus would soon reveal himself and begin pushing back against what Patton had said. So when that happened this time, he could simply agree and make it seem like he had been convinced to change his mind. That way, they could reach a different solution and everyone would be happy. Simple!

Patton watched and waited patiently as the others made comments back and forth; Virgil and Janus snarking each other as Janus made his case to be listened to.

“That...can not be where the bar is!” Virgil protested in disbelief once Thomas agreed to hear him out, based on his vague 'the enemy of my enemy is a friend' ideal.

“Well, the bar for skipping an important opportunity should be higher than a...social engagement.” Janus replied distastefully.

This was where he originally jumped in to disagree. Patton saw Roman grow shifty out of the corner of his eye and knew: this was it!

“Maybe Janus is right! This is a huge opportunity. We should try to figure out a way to make both events if we can, but this means a lot for Thomas so we shouldn’t just skip it.“ Patton said confidently, even though the argument felt strange coming out of his mouth. At least he knew this time around he was making the right choice by backing down.

But the others only looked at him strangely, with varying degrees of confusion across their faces.

“Who’s Janice-”

“You’re agreeing with him?! I knew you were acting weird-”

“How do you know my name-”

Patton’s eyes widened, realizing his subconscious mistake. He had gotten so used to referring to Deceit as Janus over the weeks that they’d been friends that his name just automatically slipped out. It was too late to take it back; the conversation was quickly derailed, with too many accusations coming out at once to even try geting back into the dilemma. At one point Janus wondered aloud if Remus had somehow gotten out and taken the form of Patton, which only raised more questions and ended with a sword pointed at his throat.

It was a disaster. They make the last-minute decision to go to the wedding out of spite for Janus and Patton.

________________________________

The next morning, Patton woke up with a start, looking around his room to find that it was exactly the way he had left it the day prior. Normally this wouldn’t be such a cause for alarm, but today it was because Patton was certain he had thrown a few things last night in childish frustration at himself for messing things up. Only soft items, because he couldn’t bear to accidentally destroy anything in his sentiment-filled room, but the fact remained that seeing his pillows lined up at the end of his bed again was a strange sign, one that had him suspicious about how this day was going to go.

To test his theory, he went down to the kitchen without bothering to change out of his pajamas, only to see the other three sides already sitting there in the exact same places as yesterday. He paused in the doorway, waiting for them to show recognition of the day prior-- for some kind of hostility or accusation. The only thing he received were snickers.

“Nice PJs, Pat.” Virgil smirked over his bowl of cereal before going back to scrolling on his phone.

Patton’s mind slowly processed this. It was as if the day had reset, back to the world he had woken up to yesterday. He sunk down into the last remaining chair and forced himself to make a joke about ‘having a PB&J sandwich to match this PJ day’, despite Logan’s protests that he would not be sharing the last jar of crofters (He always said this to deter them from eating his jam, but it was always a lie and he'd always let them have some in the end. Patton didn’t realize how much he missed that habit of his until he almost started crying again over Logan passing him the jam jar).

After a perfectly normal breakfast, he quickly returned back to his room to change and prepare for what was ahead of him. Now that he knew the day was definitely repeating and could recognise where he went wrong yesterday, he just needed to ensure he didn’t make such a silly mistake right off the bat again.

He went through the motions: Thomas getting a phone call, him reminding them of the wedding, and then the beginnings of debate.

“I agree with Deceit.” He said this time, smiling as he remembered to not use Janus’ name.

Despite his conscious effort, it doesn’t go over much better. Janus was surprised and suspicious of Patton’s sudden change of heart and Virgil immediately got on the defense. Once again, the argument quickly escalated.

“Why would you side with him?! He’s one of the others! You can’t trust him!” Virgil cried, hands tugging on his hoodie strings as he desperately tried to convince them. It was currently three against one. He must have felt cornered, having no one on his side, Patton realized belatedly.

“And how are you so sure of that?” Patton still responded back, feeling offended on behalf of his friend. He had promised himself he wouldn’t make things worse this time, but seeing Virgil get so angry at him hit a sore spot. As long as he was right about his theory, this day was already ruined the moment he sided with Janus, anyway.

“Because I was one of them!” Virgil yelled, and his expression quickly changed from frustrated to devastated to frightened. And then he sunk out, giving no one the chance to stop him.

The remaining sides stood in silence before Janus broke into hysterical laughter. Patton could hear it echo in his mind as the day reset for the third time.

________________________________

The next time, he didn’t bring up the wedding at all.

Patton didn’t want to kid himself; he was scared from seeing Virgil sink out so suddenly. After having Virgil’s anger directed at him twice and seeing him leave upset once, he figured that meant that outright siding with Janus was a risky thing to do if he wanted to make sure everyone was happy by the end of this.

So instead of trying to change his stance, he simply removed the confusing aspect out of the equation altogether and made sure no one remembered it or brought it up. This way for sure, he thought, everything would go a lot smoother.

...He was wrong.

Weeks passed after the phone call and everything was peaceful-- Patton didn’t experience any resets and he took this as a good sign, enjoying the time with his family which he had dearly been missing out on. The sides were excited for the opportunity, which only grew when the callback came and went and they aced it. It was like Patton had finally achieved the dream scenario, until one day later when Thomas summoned them with a horrified look on his face.

“I skipped Lee and Mary Lee’s wedding when I went to the callback.” Was all he said.

“...Huh? How is that possible?” Virgil asked, simultaneously looking like he was going to faint and/or run away. “That couldn’t have been yesterday, could it? I mean, the odds of that…”

“It was. However…” Logan spoke up, and everyone watched as he summoned his calendar, wearing baffled expressions when he pointed to yesterday’s date-- revealing that the wedding had never been written down at all. Thomas had somehow pushed it completely out of his mind.

“But...it was for a big opportunity! Surely they’ll understand if you explain why you had to miss the wedding.” Roman argued, glancing around at the panicking sides.

“That’s the thing, they’re upset that I didn’t tell them about it beforehand and they think I blew them off on purpose. Now all of our mutual friends think I only care about myself.” Thomas stressfully looked down at his phone as he got another text message- and not a very kindly-worded one at that. “I don’t know what to do to fix this!”

Patton paled. Surely that couldn’t be right. Could things really have gotten this bad, just because he hadn’t reminded them of the wedding?

“It looks like Thomas has become a social pariah.” A smooth voice cut in. “And I’m sure you all know who’s to blame.”

No-

________________________________

The next time, Patton woke up in tears, unable to get the image of Janus turning against him out of his mind.

This time he doesn’t try to avoid the debate. Debates were crucial; they were how they got through most of their problems! In retrospect it was silly to try and skip that part of the day altogether, but at least now he had a clearer idea of what to try next. The issue from the last attempt was that Lee and Mary Lee weren’t spoken to, so this time he’d back Roman up when he suggested communication.

When they were next able to arrange a meeting to talk, Thomas explained the situation to the couple; how he had gotten a last-minute once in a lifetime offer. They were excited for him and encouraged him to take the opportunity, but Patton saw it in their eyes, how they gave Thomas sad smiles and looked at each other with disappointment.

He panicked, and Thomas changed his tune, pretending to check his phone and coming to the ‘realization’ that he got the time wrong, that he could go after all.

Lee and Mary Lee were thrilled.

But the others hated him for it.

________________________________

The next time for sure, he thought he’d get the courage to do it right.

They talked to Lee and Mary Lee. Thomas explains the situation, and this time Patton doesn’t make him change his mind. They’re disappointed, but despite knowing this deep down Thomas stays firm and decides to go to callback anyway.

During the lead-up to the 13th of April, Roman keeps looking to him for guidance, asking if this was really alright. Patton tries to assure him, but even he doesn’t know. He feels like everything he’s doing is putting them on the right track, but after thinking he was doing the right thing and being wrong several times, he isn’t able to say for certain that they were making a good choice. Especially not with the unknown variable of Lee and Mary Lee's disappointment thrown into the mix.

Eventually Roman learns to stop coming to him with his fears, and when it comes to the callback he chokes during the performance. Thomas messes up and someone else gets the role.

They don’t get to go to the wedding or win the callback.

Roman ducks out the same day and Remus takes his place.

________________________________

The next time, Patton was overly aware of his lack of certainty. He hadn’t realized how close Roman had been to falling over the edge, so during his next attempt he can't help but keep it fresh in his mind.

Throughout the debate he makes sure to agree with the creative side. He didn’t oppose any of his arguments or call him out where he originally thought he was being selfish; he’s as kind and gentle as can be, haunted by what had happened one cycle ago.

It makes Janus upset. He knows Patton’s true stance and can’t understand why he’s silencing his voice so much for one side alone. He ends up pointing out how Patton is being underhanded by trying to use flattery to get things to go his way and then mentions how that must be how he's managed to keep everyone under his thumb for so long. Patton sees red.

It’s nice to get his steadily building frustration out. Perhaps Janus is an undeserving target of his anger, but the criticism just hit too close to home for him to accept lying down. He didn't��want to be a manipulative person. He had been trying so hard to let others have their voices be heard and not seize control the narrative too much, but in the end wasn't that what he was doing now? Trying to manipulate everything, even if his motives were good? The realization had blood pumping in his ears, drowning out everything but his own voice.

Everyone becomes tense when he starts yelling and Janus only stares in shock, confused and oddly enough, hurt to be the focus of the usually happy pappy's wrath. Patton yells until his throat is hoarse, and then some more because he knows he can't damage his vocal chords here. He does it for Logan, who had been pushed aside almost every time they've done this. For Virgil, who had so many doubts and fears and was too afraid to share them until they become too much. For Roman, who was the most likely to get crushed whatever they did. For Janus, who was just trying to get a seat at the table. For Remus, who potentially never would.

For himself, who just couldn't get this right.

When he's done the room is so silent that they would have been able to hear a pin drop and he feels a weight off his chest. He's made his point, loud and clear.

Even though the others have no idea what he’s talking about.

________________________________

The next time, Patton wakes up feeling guilty for losing his temper, despite how cathartic it had been to let loose a little bit. He can’t look the others in the eye when he goes to breakfast, and instead spends the whole time in his head, trying to figure out what to try next.

This time he decides to soften his voice. He already knows it’s a mistake based on prior experience, but he doesn’t know what else to do-- doesn’t have the time to consider any other approach to take before Thomas is getting that phone call once again.

Throughout the debate, his statements fall short. He lacks conviction. He subtly tries to side with Janus and Roman, but not to the extent where it makes Virgil upset, and it only makes him look flakey. He’s flimsy; uncertain, and everyone can tell. He can practically feel Logan’s desperation to take his place from the back row.

In the end, Thomas is convinced that he’s a completely horrible and selfish person due to Patton’s lack of assertion otherwise and avoids both events out of a self-induced spiral of guilt and anxiety.

________________________________

The next time Patton is too firm. He keeps assuring Thomas that he’s not a bad person, and realizes too late that he fell back into his old habits.

Roman sentences them to the wedding again.

Patton summons a pillow to scream into in frustration.

________________________________

By the 50th loop, Patton had more or less given up. He starts the day by rolling out of bed and popping open the cork of a wine bottle right into his face. It’s in the moment he starts feeling a black eye form that he makes the formal decision: fuck it.

He skips breakfast to sip wine through a silly straw (because casual alcoholism doesn’t count when you make it fun. Or when you’re stuck in a figurative nightmare), and he changes into the most ‘dad on vacation’ clothes he owned; a gaudy hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts. He forgoes shoes because decidedly this isn’t a shoes kind of day, and after 50 god-forsaken attempts at trying to get this right, he thinks he’s earned a little self-indulgence.

When the time rolls around to start the video, he belatedly rises up in the living room tispy and wearing his old 2015 new years novelty sunglasses. The others are immediately taken aback at his appearance while Thomas grimaces.

“Ah… So that’s why I’ve been thinking about cursing people out all day.”

“You should. It’d be funny.” Patton giggles.

“...Okay.” Virgil states, likely finding his behaviour too familiar for comfort. “What the fuck."

Janus doesn’t join them this time around; instead the real Logan shows up because suddenly everything had switched courses into a completely different problem. The four of them try to figure out what’s wrong with Patton, and he refuses to cooperate the entire time, just for the heck of it. Eventually he grows bored of watching them fuss and squabble, so he starts saying the first things to come to mind, the deepest opinions that were buried under all of his repression-- things he wouldn’t dare say if he were sober and free from this hell.

“I hate all of you sometimes.” He announces over their discussion without guilt, too far gone to care how hurt the faces that looked back at him were. He knew it wasn’t real anyway, at least it wouldn’t be when the next loop started.

“I hate how I can apologize forever and it’s still not enough. I hate how I have to accept the mistakes made against me, but you all get to sulk for weeks and not even let me try to make things right. When all I’ve ever wanted is to make you happy.”

“Patton-” Logan begins hesitantly. He looks like he wants to contradict him and Patton doesn't care for it.

“Stupid of me, right Logan?” He cuts him off with a laugh, dry and completely unlike himself. Logan closes his mouth, regret flashing across his face, and it just felt so good in that moment to be the bitter one for once. He’s never done it before; always having to take the high road while everyone else chose to be petty and self-absorbed in their own egos. No fault to them for that; he felt pretty amazing right now, going against the moral code he had built and adhered to for so long. It felt forbidden and like the sort of thing he’d regret later. (And heck, with all the mistakes he’d been accidentally making, perhaps doing something wrong on purpose was like taking that power back.)

“I’m doing all of this- going through this day again and again- for what?” He continues, glaring at them individually. “I’m doing my best here- just to make everything alright again, and- fuck.”

Patton ignores the shocked expression he gets when he swears. He’s getting too close to feeling bad again, so he summons another bottle of wine. He learns from his mistake and points it away from himself this time, and the cork doesn’t hit him in the face; instead it smashes into the tv screen. Roman and Virgil yelp. Thomas stares.

“...Patton, what are you talking about?” Thomas asks.

“I suppose it doesn’t matter.” Patton giggles again after taking a long swig, sliding back against the blinds until he's on the floor. Away from the cameras, at last. “None of you will remember this anyway.”

And they don’t. (They never do)

________________________________

The next time, he wakes up without a black eye or a hangover and considers not leaving his bed today. He does anyway, just to make sure he hadn’t done something irreversible and ruined everything for real this time.

He goes to the kitchen to find everyone sitting like they always do, in the exact same positions at the exact same time with the exact same food, without fail. They acknowledge him the same way they always do as he enters the room and he can’t help but grind his teeth when it feels like mocking. So he walks over to the cupboard and starts pulling out plates to smash against the ground.

They’re surprised, worried, taken aback, and as he stands in a sea of broken china he doesn’t care about what they have to think about him. He already knows nothing he does right now will have later consequences, even if it means cutting up his feet like an idiot.

He’ll just have to do better next time.

________________________________

He doesn’t do better. Instead, he gives into the urge to stay in bed all day. No one comes for him and the discussion happens without him, which he knows because he resists the summons to go testify.

Maybe Logan got to be the lawyer this time. That’d be nice, he supposes. ________________________________

The next time he sets fire to his room, just to see what it would feel like to see everything he cares for burn.

(It doesn't feel much like anything, because he already knows it'll be back the next day. He hates it in unspeakable amounts when he's proven right.)

________________________________

The next, he goes over to the other half of the mindscape and steals Janus’ hat, feeling a bit more carefree as the side pursues him around the mindscape and the rest of the day is derailed.

________________________________

The next, he tries to make a cake to celebrate the callback and accidentally burns it. He feels like there's some sort of cosmic irony there.

________________________________

The next, he does nothing but make puns until the others cry in frustration.

________________________________

Next, he goes to the other half of the mindscape again and hangs out with Remus all day, just to check up on him after not seeing him since he took Roman’s place that one time.

Remus tries to attack him several times but Patton is past the point of being afraid of him. At one point he catches the shuriken Remus throws at his head and he finally manages to earn his favour.

They end up having a good time, talking until everything resets again.

________________________________

Next, he kisses everyone on the cheek and apologizes for getting drunk and being mean to them.

(Despite them being reseted versions of themselves and therefore not remembering any of it. He still does it anyway and it still makes him feel slightly better afterwards).

________________________________

Next, he finds the energy to make a genuine effort once again.

This time Logan ducks out. Patton spends the next few loops in mourning.

________________________________

By around the 75th loop, he’s finally had enough. There’s no more fun to be had messing around with these constantly-reseting sides, and he’s so so tired of trying to keep the peace and failing. Nothing he does was working-- in fact it seemed like he was just making things worse based on the amount of times one of the sides had broken down in front of them or tried to duck out or left with undealt with emotions. (There were so many things he had seen that would stick with him for a while, wondering just how close they were to having something similar happen in reality. He couldn't even rest anymore, kept awake by the questions.)

If he were a different side, one more accustomed to problem solving, perhaps he would’ve had a solution by now, but he just doesn’t. It's not how he was meant to operate. So instead of trying to figure it out, he goes to Virgil’s room after breakfast and starts blubbering in front of him until he’s led onto his bed where he's awkwardly consoled.

Virgil, without even knowing why he’s upset, places a comforting hand on his back anyway which sends Patton into even greater sobs. It had been so long since he'd let someone hug him or show him affection- so upset with himself for his failings that he stopped believing that he deserved any of it. This time he just lets it happen because he needs some comfort and if he doesn't get it he doesn't know how he'll be able to continue forward.

The two of them end up moving to a more neutral part of the mindscape as to not make his feelings worse, and he allows himself to indulge in just being held. He's aware of exactly how long they have until the start of the debate, so he milks his time with Virgil for all he's got, until eventually his crying evens out into sniffles, leaving him with tired eyes and a runny nose.

He knows Virgil wants to ask what’s wrong, but he breaks the silence first when he finally manages to calm down.

“Do you know how to get out of a loop?”

He can’t see Virgil’s face from where they’re hugging, but he can tell that he’s at odds with the question.

“You’re asking me, the MVP of spiralling, how to get out of a loop?” Virgil asked unbelievingly.

“Yeah, you’re right- It was stupid.” Patton begins, pulling away before Virgil stops him.

“I didn’t say that.” He says quickly, worriedly. Then he goes quiet in deliberate thought. “...You have to rely on the people around you to get out of it, I guess.”

When Patton makes a questioning noise, he continues.

“I mean… Sometimes it’s all you can do, y’know? You’re always gonna be biased when you’re living in your own head, and if you’re struggling to get through something yourself... the best thing to do is ask for help. Get a different viewpoint.”

"Sounds scary." Patton laughs wetly. Virgil joins him, sounding relieved.

"Yeah. It's definitely not as easy as it sounds. Being vunerable and reaching out to people, that is."

"...How do you manage?"

"Well..." Virgil pulls back a little. "I don't always. But you just have to trust that it'll be worth it in the end. And it usually is."

After a moment of thinking that over, Patton draws back fully and stares at him. Virgil meets his eyes with barely-veiled worry as he continues. “So… If you’re dealing with something, you can always tell us. You should know by now that you don't have to deal with everything alone, popstar.”

Patton can't meet his gaze any longer when his eyes heat up once more. "...I just want to be there for all of you," He finally admits in a small voice. "It's my one goal, and I feel like I only let you down. I can't expect you to carry my problems with you, on top of that."

Virgil's frown deepens. "It's not us carrying a burden for you, Pat. It's sharing the load equally so you don't fall under the pressure." His hand found Patton's back again, rubbing small circles. "If you feel like you have to be the one to fix everything all the time, then maybe we failed you as friends."

Once again, the dam broke, and Patton sincerely did not know what to say to that. Virgil pulled him back to his side, letting Patton rest his head on his shoulder as he let out his second round of tears for the day. They were spending too much time talking about his issues, he realized as the video started once more, but Virgil didn't make any move to leave his side, and for the nth time that day, he was incredibly greatful to him.

Something about their conversation clicked in his brain, and it was like he knew exactly what he needed to do. When he was finally ready to let go of this day, he gave Virgil one last hug and thanked him for his advice. He then sunk out back to his room and fell into bed, waiting for the cycle to start over again.

Perhaps he had known all along what he would have to do to end this, and Virgil had given him the final shove.

Either way, he so was ready for it to be over.

________________________________

On the final loop, Patton decided to follow Virgil’s advice.

He goes back to acting as normal-- eating breakfast, getting the call, rising up, reminding them about the wedding-- and this time he doesn’t do anything especially different.

Unlike his previous attempts where he tried to change his tune, tried to see through every possibility, tried to stop arguments before they started; he instead tries to do everything the same way the original debate had gone, to be the best of his memory.

He didn’t falter when he said things he now knew to be insensitive, he didn’t hold back on disagreeing with the others, or insert himself into problems that weren’t his to help with yet. He watched as the cracks formed between each side, watched the gavel swing down, watched every other side sink out after shooing Janus away.

And he knew it would be just fine.

He looked into Thomas’ eyes and felt nothing but pride. Just like the real thing, this one looked uncertain, but was briefly relieved by the conclusion they came to, putting his trust in Patton as he reassured him in his decision. He knew that by choosing this route he was accepting the heartbreak that would come later, but he accepted that. He understood now that hiding in fantasies of getting everything perfect was counterproductive and unrealistic. He knew it was time to go back.

As he sunk out to his room for the final time, he realized that if this exercise taught him anything, it was that above making the right choices, above having the right things to say to fix everyone’s problems, all he needed, all along…

Was patience.

________________________________

Patton opened his eyes to the sight of dim spotlights overhead. With a loud dad grunt he was glad no one else was around to hear, he rolled over to sit on the edge of the stage, looking out to the seat in the crowd he had once been impersonated at.

He took in the room once last time before the lights continued to dim, which he instinctually knew to be the mind’s way of telling him to leave. He was ready for it; so he did.

Hopping off of the stage, he walked between the aisles towards the exit, pushing the doors open to be greeted with the familiar space of the mindscape. He stood there for a second, letting his eyes adjust from the darkness of the theatre as his memory slowly returned to him-- compressing the months he had just gone through until he could remember why he had come here in the first place.

“So.” He heard a familiar voice come from next to him as he regained his bearings. “Are you satisfied with what you found?”

“...Yeah.” Patton said softly, turning to smile at the figure.

“And?”

“I didn’t need to change anything in the end.”

There was a sharp exhale, barely a scoff. “Well, I could’ve told you that, and it would’ve saved you a lot of hassle.”

“You could have.” Patton agreed. “...But it was helpful seeing all the way things could have been different, too.”

His eyes fell to the ground, recalling the different outcomes that were wildly different and much much worse than their current situation. It made him grateful for the way everything had turned out-- imperfect but not broken-- and made everything seem so much less bleak than how he first thought it to be. When he was so lost that he had chosen to relive that day for the sake of getting peace.

“Oh? And what exactly happened in there?”

“A lot. One time I stole your hat. You got so mad that you started hissing.” Patton’s smile widened at one of the better memories, even more so when his friend grumbled.

“Wow. I’m so glad the hour I spent out here waiting was used productively.” Janus sighed, pulling his hat down subconsciously. “...I am glad that it helped, though.”

“I am too.” Patton hummed. “Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Janus finally returned his smile and Patton brightened up. They weren't yet confident that they could fix everything that had happened between the sides, they didn’t even know if it was possible for them to do so alone, but they were at least willing to take that step forward and offer a helping hand.

And that's all that matters, right? No matter how many times they were let down or faced an obstacle, they just kept getting up to try to be better. It didn't matter if things weren't alright again right away; sometimes earning forgiveness meant trusting the other person to come back to you eventually. Waiting for that opportunity to glue back the pieces together.

And if Patton was certain about anything, it was that he was more than prepared to wait.

________________________________

Tags: @nasatshirts @quinnthequeer @mayflowers07 @overlad-of-the-snakes @varthandi @foxxsong @omnicrex @nadiestar @mistythegirlfluxmess @greenninjagal-blog @hit-or-mish @slytherin-halfblood @i-need-a-life-8903 @lemonlinelights @logicaemetus @bluestarfan10 @marshmallow-fluffy @enby-phoenix @arrestjellyfish @its-the-usda-certified-trashman @impatentpending @killjoy-3000 @nonasficcollection @mhep24601 @atomic-cat-dragon @puffydove @qrowdraws-notforyouthough @randommuffinyt @bubblycricket @theactual-devil @viana-dascolli @modsnow

#my writing #sanders sides #patton sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #platonic drlamp #patton and the no-good day #patton angst #OOF IT'S DONE

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skyeventide · 3 years ago

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hi, if you are planning on writing the embalmed M.E. post, I'd be extremely interested! amazing topic

oh man okay I'll try to put it together. I'm gonna stick mostly to one single text for this one because, as a topic, memory-embalming is really large and I think you can construct a lot on like, solely the concept of memory and fading and preservation in the legendarium. and I’m not gonna try that lol

the quote where Tolkien uses the "embalming" word is letter 131. I should preface this by saying that more often than not I take great issue with the way jirt talks about his theology-adjacent Goodness and Good Choices, and I think it's pr... pro... pronghhh I don't wanna write that word lmao, please take it as me intending "it has non-straightforward issues that are worth a second look", not as anything else. it’s problematic, there I put it down lol academic gremlin brain won, for anyone who doesn’t wholly align with him philosophically. so I suppose anyone who generally agrees with jirt's own reckons will disagree with my takeaway here, but so are things. anyway, I'll try to explain why I called it a value judgement.

screenshots first:

I know this is a lot of text, but it's needed. so there's kind of a lot to unpack there but to strip it down to the relevant basics:

part of the reason why some of the exiles do not return is that they don't want to return as exiles, but remain where they have power and stand at the top of the hierarchy (this to me feels like, specifically, a very Galadriel motive — but that's yet another post lmao); they also want peace and bliss, and that is another motive, the same peace and bliss that exist in Valinor (and while the first motive I list, I believe, is directly consequential to the status of the first age's survivors, this second motive, having the peace and bliss of Valinor outside of Valinor, has been present and thematic since the speech of Feanor to the Noldor, and likely before that); they can't therefore abide the "fading" of the land, the way it changes with time, and endeavour to preserve it — embalm it (this becomes emblematic in one of the various versions of the creation of the Elessar, or one of the them: a stone that, if someone looks through it, shows things as they would be when healed, whole, and beautiful. in one of said versions, Celebrimbor gives this stone to Galadriel, who is saddened by the change of time. this is Celebrimbor of Gondolin, or perhaps Telerin Celebrimbor, but no matter the origin, the theme persists)(second parenthesis to point out how third-age Lothlórien, preserved by Nenya, is in all effects a land out of time, where ancient things aren't simply echoed but continue living, and where trees literally don't die. leaves change colour during autumn and winter, then fall down in spring when immediately new buds start growing); fourth motive is the healing of the land's hurts and its adornment.

the difference between healing the land and “embalming” it, I suppose, is the acceptance of its change under the sun, so the acceptance of time's passing, while healing and adorning it work in unison with said passing. of course the matter here is, the absence of decay is kind of Valinor’s whole thing. but we know, both from letter 156 and the Akallabêth, that Valinor isn’t inherently a blessed land and it doesn’t give immortality by virtue of being Valinor. in fact: “'for it is not the land of Manwe that makes its people deathless, but the Deathless that dwell therein have hallowed the land; and there you would but wither and grow weary the sooner, as moths in a light too strong and steadfast.” and letter 156: “for as emissaries from the Valar clearly inform him, the Blessed Realm does not confer immortality. The land is blessed because the Blessed live there, not vice versa, and the Valar are immortal by right and nature [...]”

so, really, it’s not the where that counts. jirt, I believe, makes it pretty obvious that it’s the why and how, and through whose counsel. what I think is identified here as the fault isn’t that preservation of the land isn’t possible and therefore should not be attempted (clearly it is), rather it’s the wish to create a paradise of their own, a desire that Sauron identifies and exploits. now, obviously I’m not trying to argue that Sauron is right or anything the like (even at early stages, and despite the partial overlap of motives, Sauron’s goals can’t really be called good, even though you might argue that they gain some form of internal conflict), or that in pursuit of a challenge to the divine harm becomes justifiable — this isn’t really about characters and more about jirt the man himself and his production.

I just generally take issue with the idea that wanting a heaven of sorts, made with your own skills, which is within the realm of possibility, and by no one’s leave but your own, is inherently a bad thing, or that it must come with harm and corruption, and compromised motives. but in the narrative of these books, from an outside-of-text perspective, it doesn’t seem to be possible to issue the challenge that letter 131 talks about without also giving aid to evil (Sauron, earlier Morgoth) willingly ot unwillingly, without getting closer to “magic” and “machinery”, without it being written and interpreted under a lens of “embalming”, of refusal to let the world live its course. it isn’t possible to have that cake and eat it (yeah jirt kind of wrote that saying wrong lmao), which is identified as a corruptible weak point.

it isn’t possible because this discontent, or this wish for independence, is in itself a seed that the story connects to evil and lies (Morgoth’s work in Valinor, and possibly earlier than that his discord); because it’s inherently linked to wanting the top-of-the-hierarchy authority granted by Middle Earth. and because the legendarium doesn’t truly leave room for any gods-challenging story that isn’t some form of taint and mistake, a Fall™ (challenges to Morgoth here don’t count, he is the fall; this is about Eru and the Valar).

(I think here it’s relevant to note that the elves not being in ME is elsewhere called out as a loss for Men, who do not have the “elder siblings” at hand who were supposed to teach them and guide them; as well as the fact that Eru in morgoth’s ring mentions, himself, that the elves have been “removed to Aman from the Middle Earth in which I set them”. so it’s not necessarily so straightforward in all aspects — but I think a discussion on that would be going a little too much beyond the scope of this tbh)

I believe my point is exemplified by a note in this same letter:

“preservation in reverent memory” here is not negatively judged, despite being effectively an antiquarian lore memorial to (”good”) tradition. Elrond also rebukes Sauron, and is not at all subjected to the same Ring-related test as Galadriel in LotR. and I think this is sort of the narrative point of the story, part of the greater (in good measure theological) thesis underlying it. and why I called it a value judgement.

#quenta noldorinwa #ingoblingo #anyway... death of the author or lack thereof #not tagging any of this with them characters cause like #I don't particularly care to catch anyone who'd get offended by it #shrug emoji #answered.#JRR Tolkien

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shihalyfie · 3 years ago

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I’m a diehard 02 fan who does not want a reboot and never wanted a reboot, and here’s why

This is one of my few editorial-esque pieces, but this is something some friends and I have been discussing for a while, and given what’s going on right now, I feel like this needs to be said at some point.

Sometimes I feel like there’s a really massive gap between what 02 fans want (especially diehard ones) and what people think 02 fans want. I'm not saying that media should only be catering to hardcore fans, and if more casual fans of 02 or people who simply just happen to have a stake in the full franchise have their own opinions on what they wanted to see out of 02-related media, that’s perfectly fine, and they have a right to have those expectations. What I’m mainly writing this about is sentiments that talk about how Toei is apparently doing 02 a disservice or sweeping it under the bus by not rebooting it (which basically comes with an implication that giving it respect would mandate it being rebooted just because Adventure was), or talking about how doing a reboot would please 02 fans just by giving their favorite characters more rep. (Although, I suppose the simultaneous reveal of an actual 02-related movie kind of killed any grounds for claiming that the lack of a 02 reboot meant sidelining 02. You can’t really claim that they’re sidelining 02 when they’re making a whole movie, after all...)

Of course, I don’t claim to speak for every single 02 fan out there (so if you’re a 02 fan who doesn’t agree with anything I’m about to say, I apologize and hope I don’t sound presumptuous), and I highly doubt I represent the mainstream, but I felt I should input my perspective as a 02 fan who’s friends with a handful of other 02 fans, who have discussed this extensively and all have the same feelings on the topic, and why it’s kind of frustrating to keep hearing this kind of thing from people who assume that all fans of something should want to see more things that resemble them by default without any more nuance to it.

It won’t actually improve much that’s worth it

I’m going to be blunt about it: I think more people who supposedly want this 02 reboot are people who hate or dislike 02 than people who actually are fans of the series, because they’re doing this under the sentiment that “this was a bad series, so a redo would improve it.” You can especially tell because a lot of people acting like a reboot is in 02′s best interest are the same people being scathingly critical of the current Adventure: reboot right now, so you can see that this kind of mentality comes from people who clearly understand that a reboot won’t necessarily be something everyone likes all that much, and thus believe 02 is so unsalvageably bad that you couldn’t possibly make it worse. So you can probably understand why I’m not exactly patient with this kind of take.

If we are to be charitable, though -- if this sentiment comes out of a genuine feeling that 02 had missed potential that could be addressed by the reboot -- I want to ask everyone if they really believe that this theoretical reboot would be a net improvement, especially one that’s worth all the time and effort involved, and even more especially given the writing style that the current Adventure: reboot is employing. You don’t have to claim it’s a perfect series or anything to understand the sentiment that it held up enough by itself to not necessitate a whole anime series being made to do another take on it.

Something I would like to remind people who love to claim that 02 is such a despised series is that it made around 89% of Adventure’s revenue at the time it aired, and despite those who despise 02 being very vocal on the Internet, the actual mainstream tends to be very positive about it, especially in terms of anything to do with Ken (whom most reasonable people will agree had a character arc that deserves acclaim). So in other words, if you want to do a reboot, most likely you would want to do it without offending the base that likes the series already, right? (Especially since, you know, recent events have proven that upsetting the real-life 02 fanbase is actually a pretty inadvisable idea...)

Here’s the thing: Once you filter out most of the “scapegoat” reasons people tend to criticize 02, the one that’s generally the most agreed upon is how disorganized the plot gets in the second half. So this so-called ideal situation reboot would supposedly iron out all of the messy plot writing and make use of the “wasted potential” the series had -- but 02 was way more than just a narrative storyline with characters walking around in it, and when it comes to the reasons people were so drawn to it, they’re tied to the series themes about regrets and making up for the past, and about the unreasonable pressures that society places on children. That, and also the most important one, the central theme of human relationships, and the charismatic and well-developed (yes, really) characters. The so-called “messier” second half of 02 was full of payoff for a lot of what was set up in the first half in regards to its themes, and a lot of its subplots or character flairs are packed in really small nuances that are easy to miss on the first watch.

What this means is that 02 is a series that works off of a lot of delicate balances. Adventure could be “rebooted” because everything was very clear-cut and straightforward, which meant that you could change almost everything about the plot and still relatively adhere to the primary points of “kids gain self-awareness through a journey in another world”. (Like, I really hate to break it to those who put Adventure on a pedestal, but this is mainly possible because Adventure doesn’t really have much of a plot besides “defeat enemy” followed by “defeat bigger enemy”...) In the case of 02, everything regarding the story is, for better or for worse, much more deeply tied to the plot, the narrative behind the Kaiser and the traces of psychological horror laced into everything, and the second-half evolution mechanic, Jogress, has a lot to do with the developments related to the human relationships narrative. Moreover, a lot of the reasons that people call it “bad” for are deeply tied to the exact same reasons a lot of people like it -- that its takes on certain topics were heavily nuanced and unconventional, meaning it could cover ground that most media wouldn’t go anywhere near -- and so the series loses too much of its identity if those aspects are removed, even if it ostensibly seems like “streamlining” it.

So if you mess with one thing, a lot of it falls apart -- and in fact, considering the writing style that the Adventure: reboot is using right now, it’s hard to imagine that applying it to 02 would make it any better. Actually, it seems like it wouldn’t address any of the grievances anyone has with it to any substantial degree, and it’d be more likely to axe all of the stuff that were integral to 02′s identity, like the social commentary, or the heavy focus on human relationships, or the unusual sort of character nuance it employed, and...basically, we go back to the same question: is this actually worth it?

02 itself was about not having this kind of sentiment

The main reason most 02 fans get upset about the 02 characters not being included in Adventure canon-related things that should rightfully include them is that, quite simply, they’re part of the canon! In fact, most 02 fans like Adventure too, so they like the way 02 built on Adventure’s worldbuilding, and moreover they’re attached to the web of relationships between the Adventure and 02 groups -- 02′s additions to Adventure’s worldbuilding and the nature of what it established around the neighborhoods of Odaiba and Tamachi were not only added on but also deeply entangled with what was established before, so you can’t just act like none of it exists!

So this also means that once we’re talking about a completely different universe, absolutely none of this applies and there’s no expectations to adhere to any of this. The 02 quartet doesn’t exist in this universe? Cool.

Funny thing about 02: one of the biggest themes the story revolved around was “not getting caught up in the past, and moving forward with what you have instead,” so it’s probably pretty understandable that a lot of people who like 02 would be the type who wouldn’t be fond of rehashing stuff too much (and even more so it involves 02 itself), especially since being okay with 02 as a sequel likely means being okay with change in general. To make something really new out of it, you might as well...actually make something new out of it, or cover some truly new territory, instead of bothering with this whole reboot business, you know?

One thing you might notice about a lot of 02 fans is that they’re not actually all that fond of the idea of canon putting the group through more massive suffering or emotional ordeals after 02 compared to most. I mean, I think it’s pretty normal to enjoy your favorite characters going through emotional trouble, but the aversion to it often tends to be much stronger than usual, regardless of what country’s fanbase we’re talking, and even the official staff for Kizuna seems to have somewhat recognized that the 02 group is most in its element when in the context of fun and silliness. All things considered, this probably isn’t particularly surprising when you take into account the fact that “just being able to hang out with each other as casual friends at all” was considered such a blessing, and such a difficult goal to reach, that there’s a natural aversion to seeing them go through more emotional suffering again. The new trailer for the upcoming movie seems to have Daisuke in a relatively good mood (and even then, “please don’t make it too emotionally vicious for them” is a pretty common plea).

So if you want to talk about rehashing all of their old problems, seeing it all over again is just not very fun. It’s like holding Ken’s sins over his head again, even if it’s in a different universe; it just doesn’t feel right when the series itself endorsed the best possible outcome for these kids to be “to live happily and at peace with themselves, no matter what happened beforehand”. They worked so hard to get out of it, so to decide we have to do this entire rodeo again for the sake of doing it again, instead of trying something new is...well, it’s not that appealing of an idea, I have to say.

The real-life impact would be intolerable

It’s no secret that the 02 hatedom is a bit uncomfortably vocal about it, but what tends to be really frustrating about it is how many of them love to dunk on the series based on misremembering it. It’s fair that, if you don’t like a series, you probably wouldn’t want to watch it again, but as someone who’s spent a lot of years unpacking all the little details in the series and noticing that it’s much deeper than it initially seems on the surface, it’s honestly annoying to see “criticism” of the series that’s actually just dunking on it based on details that are genuinely factually incorrect (it’d be one thing if it were a question of subjectivity, but no, so many of the insults 02 often gets are based on things that legitimately did not happen in the series).

In the end, I admit that 02′s penchant for ridiculous subtlety probably worked against it a bit too much, and I’ve already covered its impact on how the series gets misread a lot. Thing is, this kind of subtlety was a thing in Adventure too, and it all leads to the unfortunate effect that a lot of people tend to forget what actually happened in Adventure if they haven’t seen it for more than a few years. With the current reboot right now, you’ll see people saying that certain characters are the same as they were in the original series, even though in most respects they’re actually the opposite -- because a lot of said people only remember them by the surface characteristics that seem to be similar.

So when you look at 02, and consider the fact that even official media -- including the official American English dub and V-Tamer -- has been a bit too prone to not handling Daisuke’s character tastefully and reducing him to traits that make him easy to dislike, you might realize that handling these characters improperly runs an extremely high risk of actually turning them into the flat, unlikeable characters that people tend to accuse them of being -- imagine Daisuke where his entire character is about fixating over Hikari and being impulsive, or Miyako being nothing but self-centered and selfish, or Iori being genuinely stoic and missing the nuances of constantly holding his emotions back. And making it worse is that this would basically solidify these negative perceptions of the characters even further -- because people, especially those inclined to hate the series, would take it as further evidence that the characters have always been like this, reflect it back on the original, and everything would really just become a miserable experience. (Those who are particularly inclined to be malicious against 02 would probably even claim a reboot to be “better than the original” no matter whatever it is, because of the belief that 02 is so incredibly terrible that literally anything would be better than it.)

It’s not my business to dictate other people’s opinions, but it’s already been a frustrating twenty years of dealing with this kind of thing, so of course I’m not going to be enthusiastic about the idea of putting up with more of it...

#digimon #digimon adventure 02

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inkandpen22 · 4 years ago

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Permanent Chaos (1/?)

Pairing: MGK x Female!Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 2.8k

Part Summary: Y/N is a newly famous actress from a popular TV show and she’s willing to do everything in her power to maintain her perfect image as “America’s Sweetheart.”

Masterlist

The limelight is a hard place to be under. It’s draining to constantly be on display. Day in and day out I feel as though I’m always looking into a mirror. However, a mirror is replaced by people’s eyes. I see myself through other’s eyes. Being sat on a slippery plastic stool while being watched by millions of Americans before they head off to work is an excellent way to start my day. Perhaps if I keep telling myself that I’ll eventually believe it. Savannah glances down at her cards then continues with the interview.

“Let’s go back to a year ago, if someone approached you and said “you’ll be the most sought after girl in America,” would you had believed them?”

I shake my head “not all.”

If only she knew how absent I am in the current moment. I’ve answered similar questions a million times these past few months. All the exact same questions within the same routine.

“Now, being as famous as you are, how do you cope with your newfound fame?”

There it is, famous. A better-sounding word than popular. After all, adult life is nothing like high school… right?

“I don’t particularly like the word “famous.” When people say “you’re famous!” What they really mean is “a lot of people know you!” At least people think they do.”

She studies me, intrigued by my honest answer, perhaps too honest. “You’re saying America doesn’t know the “real” you? Including your fans?”

I shrug, I can only imagine Nicole’s face right now. My usual bubbly and charmingly excited personality didn’t wake up with me at three this morning.

“I believe they know whatever version of me they’ve created. For some, I’m that girl from the cover of that one magazine they saw in line at the grocery store. For others, I may just a name without a face. That’s the thing about being so-called “famous.” I’ll never have the chance to meet every single person who has ever read an article about me or has seen paparazzi videos. They’ll only see those tainted versions of me. They’ll never have the opportunity to know me personally and make a valid judgment for themselves.”

Savannah hums, her eyebrows scrunched up. “How do you feel about that?”

I sigh, the words settling within me. “It’s disappointing.”

If only they all knew the truth, the reality of it all.

______________________________________________________

After the interview for the show, I fly straight back to Los Angeles from New York. My schedule has been worse, but I never miss the chance to complain to my manager. Thankfully, Nicole is a mother of tween girls and a ten-year-old boy so she knows how to take my childish whining. Once we’re landed in LAX I countdown the minutes until I can return to my bed.

“I don’t understand why you insist on wearing heels on the plane,” Nicole nags me.

“Because you never know who you’re gonna meet! Best to dress nicely just in case!”

It’s been a rule of mine since I first discovered my style and began to wear makeup, never go out in public without looking and feeling confident. I’ve learned that people can sense when others don’t feel confident and take advantage of that.

“I doubt your Mom would like it,” she nags.

“Well she’s not in California is she?” I fire back but snicker slightly.

My momma’s absence was bitter-sweet, in the beginning, now it’s all sweet. When we have our luggage, Nicole leads me through the airport to where the car is picking us up.

“You may want to put on your sunglasses now. We’re about to cross the line,” she warns.

I grab my glasses out of my purse like she instructed and slide them on. She was right, as soon as we cross over that taped line it’s a free-for-all for the paparazzi.

“Y/N!” “Y/N!”

“HEY! SHOW US A SMILE!”

The yelling doesn’t bother me as it used to in the past. Now, it’s the clicking. The clicking from their cameras. A constant *click* *click* *click*, from each of the thirty cameras. Nicole attempts to create a path for me by walking ahead.

“HOW WAS YOUR TRIP TO NEW YORK?”

“Good, thank you” I reply politely with a smile toward the tile floor.

I try to manage a balance when it comes to paparazzi. They have their job and so do I. Following me, taking pictures or videotaping me is their job. As long as they respect me, I will respect them. Nicole says it’s good for my image. My image wasn’t the first reason I was nice toward them, I was being myself. Nowadays, I’m hardly myself. I have my name, Y/N Voss, but it no longer feels like my name. The paparazzi are not used to getting easy responses out of people because there’s a long pause before the next question.

“WHEN DOES FILMING START BACK UP FOR THE SHOW?”

The question comes from a different voice but that doesn’t keep me from answering.

“In two days!” I gleam, looking forward to returning to set.

“CAN YOU GIVE ANY INFO ABOUT THE NEW SEASON?”

I chuckle a little but think it over. I agreed in my contract not to give out spoilers but there is a little info I was told I can let out. Plus, I’ve only seen the script for the first episode so I don’t know too much.

“I can say that Hollyn will have a bump start this season but no worries,” I answer vaguely but with interest.

Nicole and I manage to reach outside and she guides me down the sidewalk to where the car is supposed to pick us up.

“RUMOR HAS IT YOU’RE DATING SOMEONE! CARE TO COMMENT?”

“I’m very much single,” I laugh, finding the topic humorous. “Not enough hours in the day to share them!”

There are always rumors that I’m dating someone though none of it’s true.

“YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY Y/N!”

“YOU ALWAYS DO!”

“Thanks, boys!” I give my appreciation.

The driver gets out of the front and pops the trunk. Nicole informs me to get in the car and let her worry about our things along with the driver.

“WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE SUMMER?”

I open my door but pause to answer the last question. “Work, of course, but I also want to have some fun.”

“HAVE A GREAT SUMMER!”

“SEE YA LATER Y/N!”

They all hurry to get some last shots and I grant them a couple of seconds.

“You too! See you guys later!” I wave goodbye then climb into the car.

Nicole gets in a minute later and gives the driver the address. “You did great back there,” she compliments.

“Eh, it was nothing. I was only answering their questions.” I remove my glasses and get settled in as best as I can for the hour drive home.

She pulls out her binder full of scheduling material for me.

“Yes, but you were willing and kind. The public and media appreciate that! You’re becoming America’s Sweetheart!”

I would never admit it to Nicole but that title she keeps pushing makes me anxious every time I hear it. None of this was planned, it was thrown at me. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m grateful for what I have but geez! When everyone is telling you a whole country adores you, how are you supposed to handle that? Especially at eighteen. It was no more than a year ago I was back in South Carolina and just another girl in high school. Now, I’m supposed to be “America’s Sweetheart.” I’ll play the part but it doesn’t make the job any less intimidating.

__________________________________________________________

My best friends/co-stars, Sam and Penelope, meet up with me for dinner to celebrate my first night back in town after the press tour. The three of us have been dividing our time around the country working on various projects between filming the show. Any time we can all get together is a gift.

Ever since I’ve known Sam Merka, girls flung themselves at him. Even I’ll say it, he’s a good-looking guy. If Grant Gustin had a younger brother, it would be Sam. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, we’re just friends. A sibling sort of bond. Since he’s eight years older than me, he likes a big brother.

Though Penelope is older too, one can’t tell since I tend to act more mature. I’m jealous of her sun-kissed long blonde hair and dark brown eyebrows. We all kinda got thrown into our friendship. Having to play life-long friends an hour after meeting for the first time was, to say the least interesting. Five years later, and we are like three peas in a pond. A mini family to have each other’s back in the big city.

For dinner, we agreed on The Nice Guy, an Italian place in West Hollywood. The most important aspect of the place is the amount of privacy it grants. The interior is a lounge, super lowkey, with booths, couches, and coffee tables but there are no photos allowed. Since no photos can be taken that means the three of us and others can enjoy ourselves in peace. Sam called dibs on being designated driver as per usual as the “bodyguard” for us girls. The paparazzi tend to hang out around the restaurant because it’s a well-known spot for celebrities.

“Maybe we can slip past them,” Sam says optimistically as we exit the car.

He meets me around the front and Penelope joins us after getting out of the backseat.

“HEY! HEY! HEY!”

From in front of the restaurant, a ripple of cameras begin to take notice of us.

“IT’S THE KIDS FROM THE SEASONS OF LIFE!”

“Yep, we really snuck past them!” I tease Sam playfully.

He huffs, annoyed with the situation. Sam loves his job but hates the lack of privacy aspect. He isn’t a fan of crowds either which I can understand. However, he’s great at masking it behind his charming smile. It’s what we were trained to do. Yet, Sam is better at managing a crowd mentally overall than I am. He understands how they affect me sometimes. The swarm of photographers rushes up to us. Sam leads the way toward the restaurant door. Penelope remains close, keeping a hand on my forearm to stay together. The cluster follows us down the sidewalk to the building.

“SAM! SAM! HEARD ABOUT THE GQ PHOTOSHOOT! CONGRATS ON GETTING THE COVER MAN!”

Sam chuckles next to me, “thanks, dude!”

“PENELOPE! RUMOR HAS IT YOU’LL BE SWITCHING OVER TO THE BIG SCREEN!”

“Exactly, it’s a rumor!” She replies a matter-of-factly.

The *click* *click* *click* and the flashing lights in the dead of night never fail to overwhelm me. Though, Nicole has told me I never appear overwhelmed when I interact with them. I force on the brave and confident face. I’m not me when I’m in front of cameras or important people, I’m Y/N Voss. I’m two very different people.

While I’m lost in thought, I get stuck when one photographer gets too close to my face with his camera and blinds me for a second. Sam and Penelope don’t notice my absence amongst the chaos until another photographer barks at the other to back off. Then, I feel Sam’s hand slip into mine and he protectively escorts me toward the door with determination.

“ANYTHING YOU TWO WANT TO SHARE ABOUT HOLLYN AND ELLIOT FOR NEXT SEASON?”

Hollyn and Elliot are Sam and my’s characters from The Seasons of Life, the show we star in together. Our characters have been on again off again for the past two seasons. According to the last season’s finale, the two are currently together, but of course, the season ended on a cliffhanger so their relationship isn’t very stable.

“Sorry guys, can’t share anything!” Sam answers, sounding a tad irritable.

“ANYTHING IN REAL LIFE? YOU TWO WERE BOTH IN NEW YORK THIS WEEKEND!”

“That’s true, but we never have the chance to meet up!” I reply nicely.

Press events for last season have come to an end and work officially begins in no time! Downtime for me is filming and it couldn’t come at a better time. I’ve missed being home in Los Angeles. Living out of a suitcase and sleeping each night on a plane isn’t the best way to live, at least for me. We finally reach the doors and I thank the heavens.

“Oh my gosh! There’s no way!” I hear what sounds like girls squealing and I slow down to see where it’s coming from. My hand slips from Sam’s as he goes on. When he’s determined to get away from the paparazzi, he can ignore the voices. Yet, when he notices that I do not follow he finally stops.

“Excuse me!” A girl calls amongst the clicking and shouting.

The paparazzi move aside a tad and create a path for me to see two young teens jumping up and down. They must be around fourteen I’m guessing, younger than me at least. I approach them to see what’s the matter. I can hardly see anything with all the bright lights.

“Hi! How are you?” I greet but once I get closer and cover my eyes with the flashing lights, I recognize them. “Sarah! Emma! How are you two?”

These two have been some of my biggest supports. They run a Youtube channel and create content about their reactions to episodes of the series. Somehow they manage to make appearances at any events relating to the show. I’ve met them numerous times at events, so have other members of the cast. Besides being two of the sweets girls in the world, they’ve created a fan page for me on Instagram and Twitter.

“Good, good!” Emma replies eagerly.

“It’s been so long since we last saw you!” Sarah adds.

“It really has! When was the last time we saw each other? During the press tour?”

They nod in unison as though they’ve rehearsed it.

“Well, group hug!” I hold out my arms and they gladly accept.

“Can we get a picture?” Emma practically begs, bouncing on her heels.

“Of course!” I take Emma’s phone and hold it out to the crowd of paparazzi. “Could one of you take our picture by chance?”

Many of the guys offer and I select a random one in front of me.

“Squeeze in tight!” I tell the girls as I stand between them and we wrap our arms around each other.

“One, two, three!” The man takes a couple of shots and hands, Emma, back her phone.

“Thank you!” The three of us say together.

We all hover over her phone to check out the pictures.

“So cute!” I awe at the photos.

“Y/N...” Sam places his hand on my back to usher me along.

“Oh, my-” Emma covers her mouth.

“Sam!” Sarah’s jaw is to the sidewalk.

“Hey girls!” he charmingly smiles.

He’s had the chance to meet them a few times while on the press tour and at other various events. I was there to introduce them which was one of the most entertaining moments of my life. I thought the girls were going to faint!

“Can we ask a quick question? It’s for our channel!” Sarah nervously bites her lower lip.

“Yeah, yeah, anything for you guys!” I answer without hesitation.

Sam wraps his arm around my waist while we’re talking to the girls and I don’t think much of it but the cameras begin to go nuts. The men behind them don’t say a word since we’re occupied but there they go *click* *click* click*.

“Is there any hope of you two getting together IRL?” Emma questions intently without hesitation.

I press my lips together with amusement and turn my head to Sam. He has the same look of pondering the question. He squints his eyes at me and then the two of us turn to the girls.

“Just friends,” we answer in unison.

“Best friends!” Sam adds playfully.

“Best friends forever ever!” I one-up him.

The two girls laugh with us, but it’s clear they’re a little disappointed.

“Well, I still bet on you two,” Sarah confidently points out.

Sam and I get a kick out of it. Our viewers want us together too.

“We better get going, our moms are waiting,” Emma informs us.

“Okay, quick hug!” I order and the four of us group hug.

We say our goodbyes and when the girls disappear the men behind the cameras start yelling.

“YOU’RE GREAT Y/N!”

“HOW DID YOU KNOW THEM?”

“Their names are Emma and Sarah. They run a popular Youtube channel, Twitter, and Instagram accounts for the show. Super sweet girls those two!”

“DO YOU KNOW ALL YOUR FANS?”

“I try to! I know a good amount!” I grin proudly.

Sam guides me into the restaurant and his hand never leaves my back. All of it is platonic of course, nothing more. As I told the paparazzi before, there isn’t enough time in my life for me to share any with someone.

________________________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @canyoubuymetoast

#machine gun kelly #mgk #mgk smut #fanfic #mgk fanfic #famous #colson baker #colson #mgk aesthetic

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frostedfaves · 4 years ago

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Repercussions (8)

Masterlist

Pairings: dark!Natasha Romanoff x dark!Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader

Summary: Wanda lets you have a little freedom and you take advantage of it.

Warnings: dark themes

A/N: I was going to do one long part to show the aftermath/consequences of what the reader did, but decided to leave you on a cliffhanger instead 😏 you have my permission to yell at me for it though. I’ll be posting part 9 tomorrow!

Previous part

“Hey, printsessa.”

You looked up from your bowl of cereal, offering Wanda a smile that widened as she approached, placing a gentle palm on your cheek when she leaned down to kiss you.

“Good morning, Wan. I’m almost done,” you added as you gestured to your bowl, and she shook her head.

“That’s not what I came over here for, although we do need to leave soon.”

“Oh, then what’s going on?” you questioned before shoveling your last spoonful in.

“I wanted to give you this.” She grabbed your hand and turned it over, dropping an iPad into your palm. “My meeting at the tower will be pretty long and then we have to wait another hour or so for Tash to get back from her mission, so I don’t want you to get bored. I downloaded all the games you like and a reading app.”

“Thank you, Wan.”

She responded to your gratitude with a kind smile and a kiss on your forehead, grabbing your dishes as she pulled away and taking them over to wash. You unlocked the iPad, using the time Wanda was distracted to quickly download Instagram and log in. A few DMs popped up once the app loaded, and the one that caught your eye first came from your ex-girlfriend, Brittani Gray.

Hey! I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked, but I’ll be in your city this week for work! I hate to be so last minute, but I’m only free to meet today.

The message was sent an hour ago, and you found yourself quickly responding to her before you had time to think about your actions. You named the place you wanted to meet in and closed the app, switching over to a game just as Wanda walked away from the sink.

“Ready to go?” she asked and you nodded sweetly, your expression dripping in false innocence.

“There she is!”

You looked up from subconsciously counting the tiles in front of your feet, meeting the eyes of the billionaire that owned the tower you just entered.

“You must be the girlfriend. Tony Stark, nice to meet you, kid.”

You told him your name and extended a hand, fighting the urge to roll your eyes or gag when he grabbed and planted a kiss on the back of it. He then moved on to address Wanda, and you wandered over to a nearby armchair, removing the iPad from the little crossbody satchel you were given to carry it in. You plugged in earbuds and turned on some music while you kept yourself busy with another game until a hand touched your knee.

“Hey.” Wanda’s eyes seemed to sparkle when you met her gaze, and you couldn’t help the look of adoration you gave her. “I’ll be upstairs, but if you need something you ask one of the secretaries to call me. Love you, baby.”

A kiss was dropped on the top of your head before she quickly walked away with Tony, and you knew she was probably kicking herself for the declaration. Despite how much the two enjoyed controlling most aspects of your life, the one thing they never pushed for was a confession of love. Natasha and Wanda knew they loved you, but they wanted you to have the freedom to realize it on your own, so they made it a point not to use the phrase until then.

Another hour or so passed while you busied yourself with sudoku, crosswords, or the occasional coin collecting game until you got bored with it. You then moved onto people watching until a notification came in from Instagram.

I’ll be there in about 20 minutes!

You quickly logged out and deleted the Instagram app, tucking the device away safely in the bag as you got up and exited the tower. Walking to the main street, you quickly hailed a cab, double-checking that the cash you swiped a few days ago while Wanda took a shower was still in your pocket. You paid the driver once you were dropped off and went inside the building.

“Brittani?” you called, your lips forming a grin when she faced you. “Hey! How are you?”

“Hey, I’m great!” she replied as she brought you into her embrace, examining you head to toe when she pulled away. “What about you? I have to imagine pretty well...you’re definitely glowing.”

“Really?” you questioned almost sarcastically with an incredulous expression.

“Yeah, you seem happy.”

“Happy to see you as usual,” you told her casually as you looked around the café. “I’m gonna grab a table while you order.”

“You don’t want anything? My treat.”

“Well, I already ate but I’ll take a--”

“Smoothie?” she finished for you with a teasing grin. “I already know which one.”

You laughed and shook your head as you stepped away to find a table far from the street side of the building, not wanting to be seen by anyone that knew your girlfriends. Brittani sat in front of you a few minutes later with her coffee and muffin, handing your smoothie and a straw over and beaming when your hands brushed.

“You know, as happy as I am that you agreed to meet, I’m very surprised to be sitting here with you now.” She glanced at your confused frown and continued. “Even though things didn’t end terribly between us, I’d always assumed you moved so far to get a fresh start and let go of everything in the past or something.”

“I guess in a way I did but...I don’t know.” A heavy sigh left your lips as you turned your attention to your smoothie. “I was pretty depressed when we broke up because I hadn’t been single in so long. I didn’t know how to handle it and every reminder of you made me angry. I’d planned to go even farther away than this.”

“What stopped you?” she questioned curiously, and her gentle tone helped you feel safe enough to meet her gaze again.

“I just thought that if I was going to move anywhere, it should be for me and not because I’m running from something or someone. So I thought a lot about what I really wanted, did some research and somehow ended up in New York.”

“Well I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you,” she confessed as she leaned forward to grab one of your hands. “Breakup or not, we were friends first, and it feels so weird to not have been there for a rough moment in your life.”

“I know, but everything went how it should’ve,” you assured her, laying your other hand on top of hers. “Had you been there, I would’ve tried to be with you again and I never would’ve learned the things about myself that I did.”

“I’m glad it all worked out then. So have you dated since then or…?” Your eyes widened a bit in panic and she quickly pulled her hands away. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make it weird.”

“No no, it’s okay.” Your own hands shifted back to your smoothie, and you took a sip with a smile. “So, I see you got that promotion you wanted.”

The conversation moved on from there to details about her job, and she explained all the traveling and salary increases that came with it. You found it easy to listen to her, even though you didn’t understand half of what she was saying, simply enjoying the normalcy of it all. Although you were able to find little moments of enjoyment in your insane relationship with Natasha and Wanda, it’d been a while since you just sat in a public place with someone who wasn’t looking over their shoulders for an enemy most of the time. It was nice.

“So then we somehow ended up with 60 pieces of dessert even though we only ordered 20!”

“Britt, I’m not seeing the problem here.”

She cackled loudly in a contagious way that made it so easy to join in. The two of you were so caught up in laughing that neither of you noticed someone approaching your table until you felt a stern hand gripping the back of your neck and Natasha’s cold voice in your ear.

“You have ten seconds to get in the car before I drag you there myself.”

Tags: @littlegasps @imnotasuperhero @nat-km-mh @natasha-danvers @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @fayhar @cherrieloco @mjaudrey @seventeen0 @bebe404 @becka107 @its-a-long-way-to-ba-sing-se @buckmesidewaysandcallmesteve @messuhp @sxphiaswitch @muted-stoneheart @trikruismybitch @wannabe-fic-reader @natashadeservedmore @darkangelxoxo @witchxaf @sakurat123

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passionate-hedgehog · 4 years ago

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Sweatshirt

Summary: Y/n gained more than an office when she was promoted to a main writer for Mythical Entertainment.But while she’s celebrating the new aspects of her job, her boyfriend seems to be crumbling.

Pairing: Damien Haas x Reader

Word count: 4584

Warnings: None

A/N: When I wrote this, I was really just wanting to write a story about how a hoodie exposed a Damien x Reader relationship and then I added some angst because...entertainment, ya know? But at the time I’m posting this fic, I’ve had gone through almost losing my job because of state health mandates due to COVID. I found out that my restaurant thoroughly respects my work ethic and my schedule will remained unchanged. But working an entire shift unsure if I’ll be returning...or if I’ll see any of my coworkers that I’ve come to know as family ever again? I was able to relate to this a lot more than I thought I would. I’m not downplaying anyone that goes through uncertain things, especially during 2020. But I hope it can help a little bit.

Y/n’s morning had been one for the books. She ran into her boyfriend’s former boss, Ian Hecox, at her favorite coffee shop while wearing a hoodie she DEFINITELY wasn’t meant to be sporting. The item had been a part of an unreleased merch line for SMOSH. They had been planning on announcing it the week after Defy, SMOSH’s parent company, had unfortunately shut down. Select cast and crew had been gifted with the limited stock, and Y/n had discovered it in her boyfriend’s closet just minutes before she ran out the door to get to the coffee shop.

Ian, a man she had yet to be introduced to before that morning, had been polite but concerned about how she had the item in the first place. She wanted to give the simple answer that her boyfriend of four months, Damien Haas, didn’t know she took it from his closet that morning. But Damien being in a relationship hadn’t been general knowledge to many people yet, and she didn’t want to put him in that position. He had been trying to work past his SMOSH days and focusing on future endeavors. She didn’t want to reconnect dots that he had worked so hard to disconnect. After reassuring the man that she did not, in fact, legitimately steal it and that the owner never wore it out in public, she apologized for wearing it and promised to remove it once she got to her destination.

When Y/n made it to work, she was greeted with the two head-writing team members sporting nearly creepy smiles aimed at her. She narrowed her eyes at them and immediately grew suspicious. The writers, Nick and Ellie, pulled her down the hallway towards the various offices and stopped in front of a single closed door. Ellie stood off to the side of the door but grasped at the handle.

“Congrats on your promotion!” She winked and pushed the door open, letting Y/n look thoroughly into the room.

“Is this...do I have my own… what?!” Y/n looked between Ellie and the room. “What??”

“Rhett and Link, and the rest of us, agreed that since you’ve been promoted to a main writer position AND you’ve been handling a lot of other projects that go beyond your job description, you should have the space fitting for it. They have a new investment that you’ll be working with.” Ellie moved to stand by her fellow head writer, Nick.

“Trust us. You’ll need this space. You’re about to have your hands full.” Was all Nick supplied, as cryptic as it was. “There’s a meeting in 20 minutes. You won’t have to worry about being late now that you’re so close to the main offices. See you in a few!”

The duo walked away and left Y/n to take in what happened entirely.

“My own office?” She wondered as she finally took her first steps into her own space. There was a desk, a chair, the same kind of desktop that is used in the other offices, and room for her personal touch. She had dreamt of her own office, and she finally had it. Y/n took out her phone and noted she had enough time to grab her meeting materials from her bag, and decided to make it to the meeting early.

-------------------------

The meeting had left the writer confused. Mythical had purchased SMOSH, her boyfriend’s former employer. It was a happy thing. She knew it was a happy thing. Damien had walked her down memory lane when Defy had shut down, and he found himself at home more than he wanted to be. It had been therapeutic for him. But he eventually decided to leave those memories there in the past. And now she was hit with the dilemma of whether or not she should tell him. Would she even be allowed to tell him?

“Hey, Babe!” Damien’s voice called from the doorway.

Y/n looked up from her desktop, all inner turmoil disappearing when she saw her boyfriend’s smiling face. “Hey! How’d you find me?”

“Nick walked me down here.” The brunette let himself into the office and sat in the chair across from his girlfriend. “This is so cool. You didn’t tell me you were getting an office. We could have gone to Target and grabbed some cute things.”

“It was a surprise. I didn’t know about it until I got here this morning. Oh! Speaking of!” The woman grabbed her bag and shot an apologetic look. “I might have made a bad decision that I definitely need to apologize for.”

Damien cocked his head in confusion, similar to that of a puppy.

Y/n pulled out the black and blue hoodie from her bag and passed it over to her boyfriend. “I took this on my way out. I was in a hurry and didn’t quite look to see what it was I had put on. Eventually, I realized what I was wearing in public, and I put it in my bag. I’m sorry, Babe.”

Damien’s eyes met the fabric, and he shrugged. “Eh, it’s fine. You can just keep it, actually. I already have so many hoodies and shirts from...you can just have itz. I bet it looks better on you anyway. I don’t need it.”

Y/n copied Damien’s confused look from earlier. “Dames, this is your hoodie. YOUR hoodie. You designed this, and it’s your only copy of it. I can’t take it, Babe. How about I throw it in the wash when we get home, and I’ll just put it back where I got it from?”

Damien shook his head. “No, that’s okay. Just...consider it a gift, I guess. I don’t need it. Take it.”

“Dames-.” Y/n began.

“I think I’ll meet you in the car. I have some calls to make for a few auditions. Take your time, Y/n.” Damien got up from his seat, immediately breaking eye-contact with his girlfriend.

After the voice-over actor left the office, Y/n let out a sigh and leaned as far back in her chair as she could, her head dangling off the headrest. She debated with herself for a few moments on whether they should talk out what was definitely him pushing unresolved feelings into a box. She decided that there was enough excitement for that day, proceeded to pack her things, and made her way to her boyfriend’s car.

--------------------

A few weeks later, Y/n found herself in a private meeting with her bosses Rhett and Link. After the news that Mythical had purchased SMOSH, Y/n had found out that she would work as a main writer for Mythical and that she would also help out with minimal production work at SMOSH while they built their team back up. The SMOSH gig wouldn’t be long-term, but it was definitely something different than what she knew. The writer had assisted with some production work on GMM during her career, so the production aspect itself wasn’t unfamiliar to her. Working for two different channels? That would be tricky.

It was not as tricky as treading the waters with Damien once he finally found out that SMOSH was coming back to life, which would be difficult since Y/n would be the liaison between SMOSH and Mythical for the foreseeable future. She would be working with Ian, going to board meetings, working in the SMOSH half of the building, and helping create a staff for SMOSH. Y/n was always up for a challenge, a chance to expand her horizons in her career. She just hoped that it wouldn’t damage the relationship she worked hard to build with her partner.

“Tomorrow is your meeting with Ian. We’ll give you the black card to charge the lunch to. He didn’t have an exact number of how many people would be showing up, but it should be fine.” Rhett handed the credit card to her. “The cafe you picked didn’t seem too pricey, so we’re not worried. Just make sure not to lose the card.”

Link leaned forward in the chair he was occupying, folding his arms on to the desk in front of him. “Have you been in contact with him yet? Introduce yourself and all of that?”

“Uh…” Y/n glossed over the fact that she had, in fact, already met Ian in person almost a month ago on accident. “Yeah...We already discussed a little bit about tomorrow. Going over what he’ll be telling his team and things of that sort. He mentioned that he had been keeping it under wraps from them. But I’m ready for it. I can’t imagine that happening to Mythical. I’d be devastated. I’m very thankful that you guys run your own ship.”

Rhett gave a shrug and a short “Eh, we try.” that caused Link to give a quick laugh.

--------------------

The morning of the meeting with Ian felt...off... to Y/n. When she woke up, Damien had already vacated the bed. She thought that maybe he had decided to go to the meeting that he had no idea she would be at. Perhaps she could subtly slip it in that she’d be there and they could take the same car. It took her a few minutes of searching the apartment to realize that her partner wasn’t even home. She didn’t know where he was. She only hoped that he would be at the cafe later. Y/n shook it off and began to get ready. Today was going to be nerve-wracking enough without him there.

Y/n made it to the cafe ten minutes before the determined meeting time. She found Ian easily and approached him with her head held high and an incredibly pleasant smile plastered to her face.

“Ian?” She asked as she approached his chair. He turned to her and watched the lightbulb go off in his head. “I’m Y/f/n Y/l/n from Mythical! And now, SMOSH...kinda.”

He stood up and shook her hand. “Hey. Nice to officially meet you! Although, I believe we’ve met before…”

Y/n winced and nodded, taking a seat across from him. There were a handful of empty chairs scattered around the table. She didn’t count them but was glad that the lunch meeting had already been approved by her bosses to be charged on the black card.

“Before we get started,” Ian began. “I just want to clarify that I haven’t told anyone what this meeting is about, and I’m still not all too sure who will be making it. A lot of things have been up in the air for so long, I’ve had to learn to just go with the flow.”

“Honestly, same.” Y/n replied as the waitress approached them.

A couple of people approached the table and greeted Ian and took seats by him while Y/n chatted with her usual waitress. The newcomers and Ian gave their drink orders before the server walked away.

“Shayne, Court, I’d like to introduce you to Y/n of Mythical Entertainment. Y/n/, Shayne and Courtney are two of SMOSH’s actors. They were hired in 2016.” Ian introduced.

“It’s really nice to meet you two! I spent the last month watching a lot of SMOSH, and you guys crack me UP! It’s almost impossible for me not to laugh at a video with either of you in it. Or any video, to be honest. Except for the Dominos mukbang. I got a little uncomfortable at the end of that one.” Y/n winced at the end of her introduction.

The three conversed as more people showed up, Keith showing up with Noah and Olivia. Matt Raub could be heard arguing good-naturedly with Sarah Whittle down the sidewalk as they approached. Lastly, Lasercorn and Mari appeared separately but arriving at about the same time. All of the chairs around the table were full except for the one to Y/n’s left. She glanced at it longlingly before giving her full attention to Ian.

“So! Should we order and then talk about why we’re here while we wait for the food?” Y/n suggested.

Ian nodded in agreement, and Y/n made eye contact with their server, pulling her over to the group. Everyone gave their order to the waitress before Y/n gave her own and then proceeded to give the order for Damien, in hopes that he would show up in the end.

“But you can put that last one on our personal tab. I might just end up taking it home. Thanks, Clementine.” Y/n called as the waitress walked away.

Y/n was about to officially start the meeting when her phone went off loudly. She pulled it out of her pocket to send it to voicemail when she saw that it was Damien’s name. “I’m so sorry. I actually need to take this really quickly. Continue your conversations.”

Y/n rose from her seat and walked off a few paces. She answered her call, hoping it would be her boyfriend telling her that he had a meeting he would be late for (the one she was at) and that he wouldn’t be able to pick up lunch that day. What it ended up being, though, was Y/n trying to subtly convince Damien to go to the meeting she knew he had (the same one she was at, but he still didn’t know that part) and failing miserably.

“You know where I am with that, Y/n. I don’t know why you’re pushing it. It was a good few years, but it’s done! I need to figure out what’s next for me. Dwelling on the past isn’t going to fix it.”

Y/n took a deep breath. “Have you even talked to anyone about this meeting? Do you even know what it’s about? Maybe something amazing and wonderful will come out of it!! You won’t know unless you try! And I know you’re building on your VO work, but SMOSH is already here and waiting for you. LITERALLY. WAITING.”

Damien grew quiet on the other end of the line, and Y/n realized she said the wrong thing. “What are you talking about. Y/n? What do you mean by ‘literally waiting’? How would you know anything about SMOSH’s meeting?”

“I just..I don’t...Damien. Please. Coming to this meeting could be what you need, right now.”

“You said coming instead of going. Why would you use ‘coming’ instead of ‘going’?”

“Oh my GOD, can you please stop analyzing what I’m saying for five fucking minutes and just listen to the point I’m trying to make here?!” Y/n noticed she was yelling and apologized before talking quieter and calmer. “Please, I’m begging you. Come to this meeting. They need you here. They’re your family.”

“Family wouldn’t keep info, like this meeting, a secret. Right?”

That caused Y/n to pause. “They...they didn’t tell you about the meeting?”

“They definitely told me. You didn’t, though.”

Y/n realized that she was losing grip with the conversation. “No, wait-Damien, I didn’t-”

“I’ll talk to you later, Y/n. Or not. Who knows, am I right?” Damien ended the call with a beep audible from Y/n’s end.

After taking a few deep breaths and clearing her eyes from any of the tears built up from frustration and legitimate sadness, she collected herself and returned to the table. When she sat down, she noticed all eyes were on her.

“What did Damien have to say?” Ian asked with a sad smile that told her he already knew the answer.

“He uh...he can’t make it. Something came up.” Y/n cleared her throat and took a sip of her diet coke. “Any chance we can just completely ignore what just happened?”

“How do you know, Damien?” The question came from someone on her left.

“I guess not,�� She took a bigger sip of her drink. “Damien and I...have been seeing each other. For a few months now.”

The surprised reactions that spread around the whole table proved to Y/n that her boyfriend really didn’t tell anyone about their relationship, including Shayne, whom he called his best friend. Y/n couldn’t imagine not telling someone that important about a relationship that’s lasted as long as it had. But after what went down over the phone, the breaking of trust and the arguing, she thought maybe there was good reason for it. In an attempt to not dwell on what happened, Y/n called on Ian to continue the meeting.

--------------------

Instead of going to her own apartment after the meeting with SMOSH, Y/n decided to take Damien his food in hopes of a peace offering and have a chance to talk everything out. She pulled into the visitor parking of the apartments and took a second to collect herself. She knew her partner was hurting. The signs of his anxiety and personal, private compulsions were showing through when he thought she couldn’t see. She knew he was struggling, but all she wanted to do was fix it. But how? Would he even let her into the apartment?

She knocked on his door and waited for an answer. She knocked again a few minutes later, before taking out her key. Naturally, she’d respect his want for space, but at that moment, she didn’t have it in her. She made her way into the apartment and eventually found him laid out against his headboard, playing his Switch on his bed. He didn’t look up when she walked in or when she sat on the bed.

“I uh...I brought you your order from the cafe. Do you want it now, or should I put it in the fridge?” She asked gently from her spot at his feet.

He clicked the lock button and put the handheld device down. Looking at the bag in his girlfriend’s hands, he gestured for her to hand it to him. She leaned over to give it to him, and he put the paper bag next to his Switch. Without speaking, he nodded his head towards the door, and Y/n picked up his hint.

“Right. You probably don’t want me here right now...uh..”She scratched at her neck, disappointed in herself for thinking that he’d want anything to do with her at the moment. “I’ll just...I gotta grab some of my things from the bathroom first. I want to make sure I give you all the space you need.”

Y/n made to get off the bed when Damien cleared his throat. “No, Y/n. I was stretching my neck. You don’t have to leave.”

The writer turned to face him, pushing what she hoped was a convincing smile on her face. “It’s ok! Really! You deserve some space after what happened. I completely lied to you about today, and that’s gotta feel like trash. I can let you eat in peace for once.”

“Please don’t.” He met her eyes, and she saw sadness there. “I can wait to eat. I just...I really want you to stay. Please?”

She nodded and pulled herself up the bed to lean against the headboard next to him. “Do you want to talk about it? I understand if you don’t. And it’s completely reasonable not to want to tell me about it at all. I am sorry, Dames. I didn’t know how to tell you, so I thought maybe it would go smoothly if you just saw me at the meeting. I figured it’d be easier handling the topic of ‘us,’ too. Which...was weird to do with or without you.”

“Yeah. Shayne had questions for me. But I’m not upset that you told them. I can’t imagine the pressure that put you under. It couldn’t have been easy trying to get around it in the first place.” Damien kissed the top of her head.

Y/n looked him in the eyes and gave a sad smile. “I’m worried about you. You tell me you’re okay and that you’re moving on, but...to me, it doesn’t look like it. To someone on the outside, maybe. But I’ve been with you since before Defy shut down. You haven’t processed it or grieved it. You barely talk to your best friend. It shows a lot that you hadn’t told him about me. Like...yeah, you’re a private person. But you don’t usually hide things from Shayne.”

The actor nodded along with her words. “Yeah, I...I don’t know how to...like I just…”

Y/n noticed he was struggling and held his hand, quietly waiting for him to continue.

“Defy shutting down and SMOSH limiting everything it was doing was hard. When we were as happy as we could get working for Defy, I never thought about ‘what’s after this?’ I didn’t think I’d have to worry about it. It all seemed to be going so well...So when it came, the loss of it all...that’s what happened. All of it was lost. Everything I did, all of the moments, the time...It felt like two years of my pure energy that I was never going to get back. I put everything I am into my life at SMOSH, and it felt like it didn’t matter in the end. So, I moved forward as fast and as hard as I could to outrun the pain I knew was coming. Unfortunately… the running didn’t work, and the pain still came. And I feel like I lost connections with people most important to me along the way.”

“No, Damien… you didn’t lose those connections. Trust me. They miss you. They need you in their lives. Whether it’s through SMOSH or just inviting them over for pizza and video games. Baby, they still love you. I promise.” Y/n sat up straighter and pulled her legs underneath her, letting both knew caps lay against Damien’s outstretched legs. “I can’t give any advice towards the running away from what happened because we both know I’m a little escape artist when conflict arises. But I think this conversation right here is a great way to begin to work through it. But I think it would work better if you talked it through with your best friend that went through the same thing.”

Damien pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her. “Hmm...maybe. And you’re not that much of an escape artist anymore. You forced your way into my apartment and invited yourself on to my bed. We could have had a huge fight, but you went through with it anyway.”

Y/n looked up at him with her head still on his chest. “Because I love you. And I don’t want you to be sad anymore…”

Damien leaned down and kissed her, gently slipping his hands under her shirt before he pulled away. “You are more than I’ll ever deserve. Thank you for making sure I work out the things that bother me and affect me.”

“I’ll say it again.” She accentuated each of her following words with a poke to his torso. “I. Love. You. Dumb dumb.”

He grabbed her hand and guided her, so she was straddling his lap. “That hoodie you took from me last month, I didn’t get to see you in it. Can I get a peak?”

“Uh...sure? Are you sure, though? You seemed pretty passionate about not ever seeing it again.” Y/n rested her hands at his sides, softly running her thumbs over his shirt as if to comfort him.

“I think...I just didn’t want to think about my last few good memories with the company and everything. But I don’t want to run from it anymore.”

Y/n’s smile lit up her whole face. “Yeah? Then yeah, I can go put it on.”

“But could I convince you to wear it with nothing else on?”

#damien haas x reader #damien haas #smosh fanfiction #just me self-projecting my problems on to damien

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