#but then on another level i have the added personal layer of having picked him as jeremy's fancast so like LOL

[youcantrewind]

Screaming on a few levels right now 😂😂😂

: )

[halfbaked00q]

thinking about, like... the exploration of James Bond × the tangled messy web of complications he'd pick up around sex given like past relationships and also the inherently fucky sexual politics of honeypot missions and etc.

it's like. when your body is as much a tool in your aresenal as any of your skills so you're able to handle/tolerate/work through levels of what, in another context, may be considered personal violations, that would be overwhelming to untrained civvies-- but at the same time that very training that gives you some level of divide/partition/insulation from said trespasses on your person, also rather inherently creates bifurcations in your autonomy which then conversely and maybe ironically, still unavoidably act as violations against your personhood

the interesting added layer to that is to go deeper into exploring how honeypotting is/can be inherently traumatic not just to the victim but also the perpetrator, and the resulting psychological effects on the honeypotting agent

anyway here are some fics that I either reread recently, or I remember noting about, that go into these topics

-----------

Further Reading / Web-Weaving / "You May Also Like":

This fic imo does a great job of exploring/interweaving PTSD through the narration in an organic-feeling, believable, and very visceral way. Towards the end-ish of the currently available chaps there's a section where Bond is thinking about sex and like doomspiraling cuz he's assuming what Q would want and having a crisis about it because he's like, I can't provide that without panicking or dissociating - which I find suuuuuper interesting and complex, and it's especially interesting to have this level of exploration on the subject from Bond's POV.

the specific aspect I find really interesting about this is the way I can see this Bond as becoming, like.... desensitized? in a sense, to sex, on a more emotional level, but also how it becomes even in general sort of a trauma in itself, with his concerns about either reacting violently to a trigger, or dissociating during the act and how he worries if that happens that Q will find it hollow and falling short.

the dissociating bit really sticks out to me because it reminds me of an anecdote my high school psych teacher told about a friend of hers who through therapy realized that she was dissociating during sex with her husband and like mentally taking a walk down.. some sidewalk or other, but basically I can't remember if any other fic had this like, aspect of explicitly mentioning dissociating (others do talk about like him going a bit dead-eyed when putting on his TM Seduction act which is like adjacent to this, but not like specifically from inside Bond's head reflecting on this specific type of trauma response)

---

Has this banger section that, like, puts the *points above* into words from a third party's POV:

“Part of what makes it work -- with Scar and me -- is that I have no expectations on that front, so she doesn’t have to... perform. It’s second nature to them, to figure out what you want and give it to you…” The pause was horrible, and her expression deeply sad. “Whether it’s what they want or not.” Q felt a little sick. People sometimes joked about the honeypot missions, calling them ‘plush’ or talking as though they were somehow easier. Q had never really thought about it, except to think that it wouldn’t be easy for him. But now…

---

the warmth of your doorways:

has whole sections of James reflecting introspectively on honeypot missions. also has the added spicy layer of James being tapped to train/guide the guy who is meant to replace him for honeypot missions, and the added turbulance of all that (this fic also has a lot going for it on other levels that I enjoy a lot- this post us just specifically about JB × his fucked up sex politics stuff)

---

Bond and Q talk about sex stuff and Q is horrified to realize how bad Bond's training for honeypotting male targets was, which eventually leads to them talking about sexualuties, which leads to Q introducing Bond to the Kinsey scale lmao, and etc. also this banger from the author in the comments:

Craig has this one facial expression that makes me think, as Q put it in my fic, like Bond's soul has wandered off and left him behind. We see it occasionally when he's laying in wait to kill but most commonly when he's seducing a female mark. The best example of the face I mean is when he's seducing the widow in Spectre. It's a little dispassionate, a lot distant and it really makes me think very hard about what that means. To me, that facial expression makes me think perhaps Bond has a certain distance from his own actions. His body belongs to England, he is Her weapon and he will do as She needs.

[arabellas]

about the tutorial: just one about dark scenes in general would be great :)

sure :) here's a tutorial on how I work with dark scenes:

before we start, it's important to mention that working with dark scenes is so much easier when your video/ screencaps are high quality. I personally refuse to gif dark scenes unless I have 4k quality footage lol.

my general coloring tutorial is here in case you want check it out!

alright, let's start! after resizing and sharpening my gif, here's what we're working with:

STEP 1: levels. I use the pipette tool to select the lightest and the darkest parts of my gif, it's a great guide that helps to neutralize the overpowering color:

in this case, the lightest part is the little white dot in the corner of his eye and the darkest one is around his hair (if there are many dark shadows in my gif, I just click on a few darkest looking spots and see how it adjusts the coloring and lighting of the gif and just pick the one I think looks the best). basically, this layer is a good guide on how to make the overall look more natural if there is one obvious dominant color and we want to get rid of it (for example, my gif has quite a lot of blues, but it's not too crazy, so I won't need to adjust that much):

and this is what we've got just after using the levels adjustment:

the gif is lighter and the blue was reduced a little bit, the scene now has more green and red undertones. sometimes I mess with the settings myself if I don't like the way it looks, but in this case I'm pretty happy with the automatic adjustments and I didn't even have to do that much!

STEP 2: curves. I do the same thing that I did with the levels, using the pipette tool to select the lightest and the darkest parts and also pull the rgb curve to the middle to brighten my gif even more:

and here's the result after setting the curves layer opacity to 37%:

STEP 3: brightness and exposure layers. next up, I just want to brighten the character a little bit more, but not the background, so I'm adding a brightness/contrast layer and an exposure layer, here are my settings:

but since it adjusts the whole gif and I don't want that, I select the mask on my brightness layer and pick the eraser tool. I erase the part of my gif that I don't want to be affected by this adjustment, I colored that part bright pink so it's obvious:

and then I do the same with the exposure layer.

in my gif the character is not moving that much, so it looks pretty natural when I brighten just him. here's where we're at:

STEP 4: selective color and gradient map. I'm happy with how bright it is, but I do want to deepen the shadows here and just mess with the coloring itself, so next up I'm gonna use a couple more layers.

here are my settings for selective color layer, opacity set to around 40%:

and here are my settings for a gradient map to deepen the shadows:

and here's the result:

ADDITIONAL STEP: I sometimes like to add another layer and just put some soft color gradient to one side of the gif.

in this case I used a soft blue color, set to lighten, 62%:

I'm not very good at tutorials and I put this together pretty quickly, but hopefully this was somewhat helpful, let me know if you have any questions! <3

[frayed-at-the-seams]

Favourite Trope: meeting before canon plot starts.

BL dramas where the characters either met as children or before the show plot started. (Will include spoilers for each show).

- Time of Fever.

This drama was beautiful. It portrayed two childhood friends who were separated for two years to then reunite in their late teens.

The show explores how they struggle to adjust to the new people they have become while trying to pick up where their friendship has left off. The introduction of new feelings and the personal struggles each character goes through in relation to this was explored beautifully. There was a real sense of long pining and teen awkwardness that both the actors and the cinematography displayed with effect.

It was a beautiful show that had me clutching at my plushies at frustration over the chemistry between the main characters. You get a real sense of depth in their relationship. There are many layers and history between them that just gives the show a more poignant feel.

Available on KissKH.

- Minato’s Laundromat.

I have mentioned this drama before and I will probably do so again. This is one of my favourite comfort dramas. While a bit cliche and unrealistic and clearly based off a manga, it is still a fun and capturing watch.

This show tells the story of a jaded man in his late twenties and the peace he has found running a laundromat and the young man who is pursuing him. Their dynamic is flirty, teasing and fun. The characters going through their own growth and learning about each other before they get together.

The added reveal that the main character saved the male lead from drowning as a child adds depth to the male lead’s stubborn pursuit of the main character. What was a memorable but ultimately past moment for the main character was a life changing experience for the male lead. Their first meeting before the show really adds backstory for the show plot and adds another layer to their dynamic.

Available on Viki and KissKH.

- 4 Minutes.

This show was a whirlwind of second guessing plots. With plots layered on top of one and another the reveal that the main couple met as children, an event forgotten by both of them, served to be more of an Easter egg for the viewers rather than adding much to their story.

A Easter Egg that I and other viewers ate up. It was fun to watch their interactions as children and see them unknowingly play out similar interactions as adults. Since the majority of this drama plot involved the viewers having knowledge that the characters did not have themselves, the viewers having a omnipotent view of all the interacting events, this reveal into a bit of their childhood was a spoon of sugar to sweeten us for further angst.

Still, the scene was adorable to see and it only added another layer of ‘What if’ to the plot line.

Available on KissKH.

- We Best Love.

Instead of childhood friends to lovers, this is childhood enemies to lovers. Well, one sided enemies to lovers. That just means that their chemistry was that just bit more fiery than other dramas. And I love a good enemies to lovers dynamic. Especially one with lots of history as this one had.

Even in season 2, when they have gone from e-bikes to lovers to bitter exes back to lovers again, their chemistry has a passion to it that many dramas miss. The main couple love each other so much that it angers them. They simply cannot get over each other and even when fighting and manhandling, they are gentle and sweet. As a viewer you can really feel the history between them despite them not getting to know each other on a deeper level until university. The fact that they don’t truly learn about the other properly until they’re adults means that their relationship can develop further than it would have ever done as children. It was great fun to watch.

Available on KissKH and Bilibili.

- Mr Heart.

If you want one sided unrequited love between a silent admirer and someone who doesn’t know he exists, then Mr heart is for you. Adorable and sweet. The drama starts with Jinwon being properly introduced to Sangha and as it develops the viewer gets to see their backstory from both their points of view as the characters get tangled in their marathon careers and their backgrounds.

Well made with a sweet atmosphere despite the angsty parts, it is a wholesome drama with a lovely ending.

Available one Viki and KissKH.

- I became the main role in a BL drama.

This is a short Japanese bl, only 4 episodes. Yet it had such a funny and wholesome story. The character development between the MC and the ML is so sweet and perfectly explored despite the short run time. The side characters were fun and all of it was well acted.

The reveal that they met briefly when they were teenagers is the perfect backstory for the ML’s love and devotion to the MC. He accepted him for his differences and it left a lasting impression.

This show had me laughing.

Available on Bilibili and KissKH.

- Word of Honor.

While China made this a bromance, it’s still high quality gay (with all that flirting and long pining stares, how could it not be?). I love the slow burn and the mysteries that move the plot along.

Especially the mystery behind Wen Kexing’s past. That had me hooked for the majority of the show. The revelation that he and Zhou Zishu had met as children, that their lives were always meant to be tangled together was both lovely and bittersweet for me. Their lives both full of tragedy and trauma yet they still found each other. I did cry watching this show, more than once. Yet I still love it.

Available on Netflix and Viki.

- Kiseki: Dear to me.

While the main couple meet for the first time during the canon plot. The side couple are childhood friends to lover trope, but not without angst and separation and lots of drama.

In any other setting, with any other characters their dynamic would be toxic. It’s codependent and even with the separation, they are too obsessed and wrapped up in each other. They carry a history which is clear in all of their interactions and chemistry. Even though we don’t get to see know how they met, we know that their history is tangled and caught up emotions.

It’s safe to say that the second couple stole the show for me. I wish we got more of their backstory.

Available on Viki and KissKH.

- Old Fashion Cupcake.

Another excellent 4 episode drama from Japan. This show is the love story between a 39 year old office worker and his 29 year old coworker. Since the characters are adults there is a softness that is sometimes lacking in other dramas. They are independent and do not need each other. That makes the moments of vulnerability and affection between them that much sweeter.

Their shared history and the flashback of Nozue interviewing and hiring Togawa just add more history to their bond. I love their romance and their bond. One of my favourite comfort shows.

Available on Viki and KissKH.

This took far longer than I expected. Hope you like the recommendations.

Feel free to comment any trope recommendations you want next.

[kikizoshi]

I like your caring ver. of Gogol! The way he can be funnily scolding is kinda hot. I think it's his way of showing love/frustration mixed all together! it's apparent in his dialogs with Sigma (in extra too). Nikolai likes the guy, in a way, and doesn't want to upset him. And when Sigma does something that he dislikes, Gogol tells him off in a way that is really light-hearted and fun.

I feel, that Gogol is the type of personality that is afraid of scarring another person with his negative emotions/reality.

so even when Nikolai displays them he does it in a "fun" and joking way. and i think in the last draft you did capture that.

Oh, thank you very much! :)

I've spent so much time focusing on the inner layers of how Nikolai feels and communicates, I didn't think as much about the surface layers. But you're right. To him, it probably is mostly just him showing his love/frustration. I don't know why I couldn't see that, but your pointing it out helped a lot. Ty :)

I also hadn't thought about it (I don't tend to think about the characters I'm writing as hot in general), but I see it now lol. And yeah, the frustrated joking shows his love because if he didn't care, he wouldn't make such a deal of it in the first place. (Note: I'm not saying that's a good thing. Just that it's how it is.)

Also, I like your idea about Nikolai being afraid of scarring another person with his negativity. I think it fits really well. I'd thus far thought about it in terms of how he wants to be received, and how he communicates--that he never says most things (especially negative things or issues he has) directly, because, well, a lot of reasons. But worrying about scarring/deeply hurting others should definitely be added to the list for certain characters.

The one exception to all of that, I'd say, is actually his relationship with Fyodor. The way I've decided to characterise them, Fyodor is the sort of person who has his own deeply entrenched demons (this story actually makes something of a joke of that), and they share a sort of commonality in doing their best to be optimistic in spite of that. From the very beginning, Fyodor showed Nikolai that he minded his upset no more than his joy, and was open to receiving both. So when it comes to Fyodor, Nikolai's actually a bit more genuine with his emotions and less concerned about hurting him/pushing him away (note: a bit; he still worries about it).

However, as this scene happens in a room with four other people, all that openness goes out the window :D It made me happy that you picked up on this type of joking, because I love this particular nuance of Nikolai's character. It's very fun, but difficult to capture.

And regarding what you said about his interaction with Sigma: it's interesting to me, because it's really twofold. He's keeping the scene lighthearted and fun, but also annoying the shit out of Sigma. He's both keeping the mood up and keeping Sigma at an arm's length. Because I'm absolutely sure that he could keep the mood lighthearted without being passive-aggressive and making jokes that Sigma finds irritating, but he doesn't, and that's an interesting choice to me. It seems like his default is to put up a persona and playfully push people away, but sometimes (and more often than you'd think) he lets the mask slip down a tad, giving someone the opportunity to engage with him for who he is. And if they don't, then pop! up again the mask goes. I think a key to a character Nikolai can truly connect with may be a personality trait that lets them latch onto that momentary slip and interact with him on a more meaningful level. Sigma--unfortunately for him--does not seem to have this trait, and so as much as Nikolai likes him, I doubt how deep a connection between them could grow.

[sixty-silver-wishes]

If I could pick your brain for a bit, i was wondering if you had any cabinet of dr caligari theories on why alan doesn't seem to have a "real life" counterpart in the framing device/how he actually died or if he was even real at all. I have my own pet theories, but i love the way you disect and analyze the movie so i wanted to ask ^-^

I’ve thought about this a lot, and there are a ton of theories and interpretations I’ve heard, but to me, Alan represents lost innocence. He may have been based off a counterpart or just a construction of Francis’ imagination, but looking at this from both a postwar perspective and a psychological perspective, I feel this is the interpretation I like best.

Before WWI, many soldiers had never actually seen war, and so eagerly enlisted, only to be faced with a level of violence and brutality on a scale so wide that WWI was deemed “the war to end all wars”- of course, until WWII. Alan, similarly, is eager to go to the fair, where his fate will be decided. We don’t see very much of him, but from what we do see, he’s energetic, optimistic, and in love (and whether that’s with Jane, Francis, or both is up to interpretation!). When he asks Cesare how long he has to live, he does this with enthusiasm. Again, I’ve seen multiple interpretations of why this is the case, but from this angle, I think it lines up with the concept of young soldiers in WWI, eagerly marching to their deaths. (My friend has an interesting theory that Alan was a trench buddy whose death Francis felt responsible for, and I’ve also seen theories that Francis is queer, and Alan is his ideal man. I like both of these theories, and there’s a lot of angles you can go with here.)

From a different, more abstract perspective, I think Alan can represent Francis’ lost innocence. It’s never explained why Francis is in the asylum (Hans Janowitz, one of the screenwriters, didn’t even want the asylum scene added in, but it was added to soften the film’s anti-authority themes. Nonetheless, I think the asylum scene can also support an anti-authority reading, but that’s another post.) but due to a number of shared elements- for example, “Caligari” being the asylum director in both scenarios- I personally believe that Francis had some sort of traumatic experience and couldn’t process it properly, and projects his own experiences onto the people around him in order to cope. In Francis’ head, he gets to be the hero, the brave investigator to make sense of a chaotic, nonsensical world.

And yet, he still can’t save Alan. If anything, Alan has to die, or else the rest of the plot can’t happen.

Perhaps Alan represents Francis’ own mind before a traumatic event. Again, he is bubbly and carefree, before being suddenly cut down. We can also recontextualize him asking how long he has to live in this way, perhaps with his death representing the moment Francis’ innocence (and possibly sanity) was shattered. While this isn’t always the case, traumatic events can be flashbulb memories, where people remember the exact date and time they took place. With this in mind, “tomorrow’s dawn” may symbolize the moment of the event, in which Francis’ innocence is destroyed. He spends the rest of the film trying to solve Alan’s murder, maybe to give himself some catharsis- if he cannot save his own innocence, at least in his head, he can avenge it.

Also, this is strictly headcanon territory, but I hc Alan as a poet. This not only provides some contrast to Francis’ logical, at times aggressive, personality, but from a postwar perspective, adds a layer of symbolism in terms of WWI being the death of the Romantic movement. The fact that he’s killed by Cesare, whose costuming and movements suggest Expressionist art, can also symbolize the violence of WWI giving rise to Expressionism, which pushes human emotions to the extreme in a stylized, unnatural way as a response to the war, and the end of Romanticism, which celebrates the beauty of the natural world and human emotion.

[alecbicheno]

Forefront post: Prop modelling and texturing breakdown

18/08/2024

This prop was made by Georg Shao, a Junior Prop Artist at PUBG Studio. He wanted to work on his wood sculpting and texturing, and to make something old, so he decided on this old coffee bean grinder.

He started as standard, by gathering references, though he did something I haven’t really tried, which was to write a quick note on what was good about the reference, then organise each one using this method. He also had a useful tip on where to search for references. “One tip about gathering references is to search for pictures at online markets such as eBay or Etsy. Since people sell second-hand products, they tend to take close-up photos of them. This way, you can have great references of the surface details and study what the wear and tear of this particular object looks like.” (Levine & Shao, 2024) He also made a mention of using the search by image function on Google or Bing to find similar references.

For the modelling he used Maya, and began by looking for the actual dimensions online, then modelled the block out it in the same way it would be assembled in real life with the interlocking joins on the corners etc. He had trouble with the creating the metal handle on the top without having too many subdivisions and linked a tutorial which helped him to get the curviness but keep it low poly.

For the high poly it was simply subdivision, then export to ZBrush for damage and details, except for the round metal disc. “Only the high poly of the big round shapes was made using the DynaMesh Workflow in ZBrush. It is faster this way than making them SubD ready.” (Levine & Shao, 2024)

He talks about his process in ZBrush, going over what brushes he uses and why, then what he uses them for and also his reasoning for the differing levels of detail across the model. He also links another helpful tutorial on sculpting wood in ZBrush.

“In comparison to the top part, the rest of the wood pieces don’t have that many damaged areas.” (Levine & Shao, 2024)

He goes over how he made the metal part on top, talking about creating the letters and patterns on it, then how he finishes by sharpening some details.

I’m not very familiar with ZBrush but I found this quite insightful on how to achieve a wood texture and learning methods of detailing or lettering on an object, especially with the videos linked in the article and the recommended tutorials.

Next, it was the low poly. “I decimated the top wood part in ZBrush to create my low poly because I wanted to maintain its irregular shape. As for the rest of the model, I deleted the supporting edges of the high poly and optimized them.” (Levine & Shao, 2024)

For the UV unwrapping, he had a helpful bit of advice to free up space in the UV map, where if a part is less visible you can scale down the UVs up to 20%.

He talked about his baking process using Marmoset Toolbag, which I personally haven’t seen anyone do so it was interesting to read.  “For preparation, I shifted the movable parts for baking. If I kept the drawer inside the wood part, its AO would have been mostly black.” (Levine & Shao, 2024)

Afterwards he talked about his texturing process, where he usually has two steps, making a base material and adding details. After picking a wood to use as a base he “added color, height, and roughness variations using Fill Layers with different kinds of Directional Grunge Maps as masks.” (Levine & Shao, 2024)

He mentions details like how the fact wood had a bumpy surface usually, meaning there’s going to be less paint in a cavity but more on a bumpy part. So, to account for this, he makes an anchor point for the base wood folder for the varnish effect. The anchor point “is a single Fill Layer with the Color blending mode being set to overlay, low roughness value, and a little bit of height because the paint is going to have some thickness on top of the wood.” (Levine & Shao, 2024)

From here he created a mask which would deal with the damaged part and how they would be missing paint, and also set up a way using the base wood folder from, earlier to manually add or take away the varnish. He then began to paint on damage by copying the base wood folder again and using a black mask. After this it was simply a lot of observing the references and bringing those details into the textures. To do the metal on top, it was the same process of a base material then adding details, but the most important part was to add dust to give the vintage look. He also recommended another tutorial, this time on ArtStation which covers texturing.

His texturing process makes sense and I will definitely aim to be able to achieve this level of detail when texturing in future. Though in all honesty it was very complex and I don’t understand all of it due to my limited knowledge of Substance Painter. So, I’m going to start by looking at the recommended tutorials linked in the article, and go from there to gain a better understanding.

For his rendering setup, he sets up a diorama and a simple scene with neutral lighting. He used Pinterest to get inspiration for the diorama then worked in Unreal Engine 5, using the references as inspiration and Quixel Megascan models to set up said diorama. There were a few bits of advice for setting up a scene like this, such as ensuring the supporting assets don’t take away the focus, and setting up the camera angle first “so you can assemble the scene based only on what can be seen instead of working on unnoticeable details.” (Levine & Shao, 2024)

The lighting was simple, making use of the directional light, skylight, volumetric cloud, and sky atmosphere, all with the light mixer, which I haven’t actually used yet in Unreal Engine, so the next rendering I do in it I’ll be sure to use it. For the simple scene it was just a directional light and using a HDRI in skylight. He also adds shadows from things like plants to get a more interesting composition.

He went over a workflow involving go from Unreal to Davinci Resolve. I have never heard of this software before, but after a quick look I may give the free version a go.

Keeping the theme of this article going, he finishes off this article offering advice and reassurance, especially to newer artists. He explains how he’s spent over a year working on this model, encouraging you to not feel bad if a project takes a while to complete. He also says to not get lost in working on the details, as long as the details are logical, they’re fine and don’t need to be exactly like any references. Just remember the bigger picture.

He also says that “the most appealing props are the simplest but well-executed ones” (Levine & Shao, 2024) So basically presentation is key to ensuring your model is well received. Having a good-looking prop but with poor presentation won’t make it appealing, so try to make a scene perhaps with some other assets in the background and play with the depth of field, or anything which helps to make your model feel real.

“A single wood chair that has a nice balance of wear and tear and a good presentation can be a very nice portfolio piece.” (Levine & Shao, 2024)

To conclude, this article showcases his wonderful prop but also does a great job at explaining the process, despite me not understanding some of what he did. It was basically a very comprehensive guide to making a prop, with constant advice to the reader and linking useful resources for learning.

Throughout it I learned of all kinds of new things whether it be something in Unreal Engine, Substance Painter, or ZBrush, or even making me aware of a new software entirely such as DaVinci Resolve. But most of all it inspires me, as this is the level of prop making which I aspire to be at.

References

Levine, G. & Shao, G., 2024. Texturing a Vintage Coffee Bean Grinder in Substance 3D Painter. [Online] Available at: https://80.lv/articles/texturing-a-vintage-coffee-bean-grinder-in-substance-3d-painter/ [Accessed 18 August 2024].

[fortunefeather]

Sunday (it's monday now fk) spice delivery service ♥ @yourfavoritetiefling 

Usually, the tiefling was only linking arms with Age when they were strolling around markets, masses of people  &  such. It gave him a strong sense of responsibility   —   Having a basically blind guy, tightly clung onto him, did stroke his hero complex the right way. But it was for this evening, when they made their merry way back to camp, where they did not break the slip through of their arms. Whether it was simply a coincidence or Age forgot about letting go when they left the streets, Bernard didn't dare point it out.

He quite so enjoyed this extra time of body contact.

But maybe he should   —   Would make for a fun little tease, maybe even earn him a reaction coming from the fellow cleric.     ❝ A bit cozier today   ?   I think you know we are out of town by now. Or does my arm feel too irresistible to just pull away   ? ❞     It was light-hearted in nature, nothing to spark anger or irritation   —   That was just how Bernard was, not too happy with long episodes of silence. Rather say something stupid than nothing at all. And even if the Helmite's words were coated in playfulness, there was, after all, a hint of honesty behind it.

It was nice having Age so close. So delightful, that his tail cautiously sought out the other one's, tip subtly brushing against the wizard's tail base. A glimpse down to the tiefling in case his own moves have been picked up as too bold or too touchy, before the tiniest hint of a smirk tugs at Bernard's lips. He began to lower his tone to a whisper, even if nobody else was following them. Just to add a bit more drama to the scenery.

     ❝ I heard blind people have heightened other senses, like smell, feel, taste . . . ❞     He muses,     ❝ You too, I assume   ?   Did you know that most tieflings have the slightest difference in their ridge-pattern along their bodies   ?   Makes them special. Every body different to one's touch. An interesting fact for a blind one, surely. ❞

As the pair walked, Age's mind had wandered slightly. In truth he had just been so comfortable walking arm in arm with Bernard that he's practically forgotten. It was nice to rely on another person for a while too, just trusting to be lead and guided where he needed to go.

Though, as the fellow tiefling pointed it out, Age'ian only smiled, and even nuzzled himself a bit closer, resting his cheek against the other's shoulder. "Maybe it is..." he said with almost a purr and a chuckle, "I often forget how nice it is to just be in someone else's presence..." He didn't bring up the literal centuries of isolated studies that left him undeniably touch starved--

In fact, as Bernard's tail slithered to caress the base of Age'ian's tail, the small spikes that rested there stood on end, the slightly shorter tiefling giving a soft surprised gasp before chuckling at the questions.

"Curious today, aren't we...~" he says with a smirk before his own tail coiled around Bernard's, adding another layer to their closeness.

Tail coiling was something often seen as very intimate, though it really depended on the individual's level of sensitivity. For Age'ian, that sensitivity was near where his tail met his spine, and the small spikes that grew there as well. But the unique sensation of the intertwined tails did cause his cheeks and ears to feel warm. It was hard to tell when the darker tiefling was blushing though, aside from his stardust freckles appearing to glow and shimmer just slightly brighter...

"I will say... touch and hearing are two of my more heightened senses." he adds softly.

{ @yourfavoritetiefling }

[miekasa]

six thirty

+ pairing: armin arlert x (fem) reader

+ genres and warnings: college au, enemies to lovers… kinda… in a very nerdy academic rivalry kind of way, me being a comedian you’re welcome, fluff, smut/nsfw content

+ word count: 5.6k… pls say sike

+ notes: shout out to ryn​​ for listening to me during our very many rambling sessions and also for extorting me into posting this. consider it a late birthday present for my favorite menace </2

+ side notes: no i am not a part of armin nation and i never want to be, nor do i wish speak of this again.

Armin Arlert is the perfect student. Prompt and well prepared during lecture; smart and insightful during office hours; the apple of any teacher’s eye. Unfortunately for him, so are you.

If you asked Armin, you were a little too clever for your own good, and liked to make it very well known that you believe you’re the smartest person in any room you walk into. That may be true, but it doesn’t mean that he has to sit there and worship your superiority complex. 

If someone asked you, you’d say that Armin was a know it all, and a manipulative little piece of shit. Again, not a completely false statement, but perhaps a slightly biased character analysis.

Neither of you are wrong. It’s why you’re both the bane of each other’s existence.  

There’s a noticeable grimace on your face, chin in your palm, elbows resting atop your desk, as you turn your head to where, sure enough, Armin is seated where he always is: first row, right side, directly in front of the podium, like perfect little teacher’s pet he wants to be. He doesn’t have any books to unpack like everybody else because a shiny, blue iPad is propped up on his desk in place of all of that. He’s robably looking through his pre-written list of showboaty questions to ask during lecture. Like he’s a cut above everyone else.  

Maybe some of the other morons in this course, but not you, that’s for damn sure. You bet that if you broke his thousand dollar tablet he wouldn’t think he’s such hot shit anymore. Maybe that would knock him down a couple of pegs.

“Look at him sitting there with his stupid blue eyes, and his stupid Bieber haircut, and his stupid, shiny blonde hair, and his stupid fucking glasses. I bet they’re not even real and he just wears them to—”

“Did you just call his hair shiny?”

You snap your head to your left, “What—no, of course not. I said shoddy, he’s probably a bottle blonde. Maybe all the chemicals from the hair dye seeps into his head and warps his sense of reality.”

“I’m pretty sure you said shiny.”

“Shut up, Annie.”

She raises an eyebrow at you, “You got something against blondes? Because your track record would beg to differ.”

“Once. We kissed once, and it was truth or dare, and we were both sloshed.”

“You still chose me,” she reminds you, pulling her notebook out of her backpack.

You huff, ignoring her words and turning your head back to Armin, this time finding him twirling his stupid fucking expensive Apple Pencil between his fingers like it’s nothing. You can feel your eye begin to twitch.

Perhaps he can, too—or maybe he can just feel your eyes boring holes into him—because he turns in your direction and ceases his pen twirling the moment you make eye-contact. More students filter in, walking past your line of vision, but each time they move, you and Armin meet gazes again; neither one of you daring to look away, a palpable tension between you.

His eyes might be icy blue, but you can see the rose pink tint underneath his skin, even from the distance; a familiar blush that spreads across his nose and cheeks. You exhale with a silent laugh, breaking your eye contact before he grows completely red, just in time for Dr. Zöe to start the lecture.

Everybody thinks that Armin’s so brilliant, so smart, so untouchable. You know that his only genius is that he’s fooling everyone into thinking that he’s the kind, humble, little nerd boy who wouldn’t harm a fly, when that’s far from the truth.

Armin is mean. He’s competitive and possessive and snarky and sly. He’s the definition of a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but you’re pretty sure the only person in the world who might believe that is Eren. Though, you’ve heard some of the insults Armin throws Eren’s way, and they’re not exactly soft. Granted, that’s a factor in any friendship, and most of his jabs are coated with a layer of intellect the brunette likely doesn’t understand, but that doesn’t make Armin any less sarcastic. It just means Eren’s too dumb to know what’s going on.

Poor kid. Maybe it’s for the best.

That’s all to say that Armin is nothing but a big talker—not even; a smooth-talker, is more like it. He comes across as perfect, all good and sweet and soft, because that’s what he lets people see. Nobody else looks through to the sharp tongue and ragged edges, because they’re too busy cooing over innocent blue-eyed baby in front of them.

But you know that Armin, the one he doesn’t want other people to see: the one that’s so good, he’s bad; so sweet that he’s sick; so nice that it’s cruel. And you know just how much pressure to apply to make his façade crack.

And you intend on doing so.

“I don’t know which formula to use—hey, are you two eye fucking again? Cut it out, I’m trying not to fail over here,” Eren exclaims, poking Armin’s shoulder with his pen.

The jab averts the blonde’s attention back to his friend, eyes wide as he blinks himself back to reality. He curses under his breath when he feels a familiar warmth creeping across his cheeks. Few things piss Armin off like the way he gets red in the face after thinking about you, or even just looking at you, for too long. Whether it’s red out of pure annoyance, or another feeling he tries to push down, it’s irritating, and above all, embarrassing.

He spares one more glance over his shoulder, to where you and Annie are sat a few tables away in the library. You’ve looked away by now, focusing back on your notes, but Armin swears he can still see that irritating smirk on your face from this angle.

He rolls his tongue along the inside of his cheek. He should be able to keep it together around you by now, but he can’t, and it bothers him. You bother him.

“We weren’t eye fucking,” he refutes, turning his back to you completely, “She’s such a little know it all sometimes, s’annoying.”

Eren raises an eyebrow. He knows that you and Armin don’t get along, but he doesn’t understand why. Armin knows almost all your friends, and you definitely know all of his—Eren would even go as far as to say that you and him are pretty close friends—so it’s not a matter of not spending time together. You’re also the two smartest people Eren knows. In theory you should have more than enough to talk about together, but every time you’re in the same room, you hardly acknowledge each other outside of surface level commentary, or glances that border on staring.

Thankfully, the bickering remains in the classroom for the most part. Eren’s seen you and Armin go at, and he’ll be the first to admit that it’s beyond intimidating. Though, a little part of him finds it oddly entertaining, and he can’t help but to be impressed. All the more reason for you two to start playing on the same team. 

Eren thinks the two of you should get to the root of the issue already. Which, if you asked him, has very little to do with your rivaled academic genius, and a lot to do with your lack of it concerning your feelings for each other.

“She’s not that bad,” Eren vouches for you, “I think you two might get along if you ever spoke outside of trying to one-up each other in class.”

“I’m not trying to one-up anybody,” Armin rolls his eyes, a nasty habit he’s picked up as of late, “And if you stopped and used your brain for a moment, then maybe you could solve the problem.”

“I did use my brain!” Eren’s lips fall into an offended pout, “But none of this makes any sense to me! I fucking hate math, you know that.”

Armin sighs, feeling sympathetic for Eren as he slumps into himself defeatedly. He knows that Eren isn’t dumb, but math in any capacity is certainly not his strong suit. He also knows that he shouldn’t give Eren all the answers, but sometimes he needs a little push to get him there. A little bit of added guidance and motivation to keep him going. It’s either that, or he has to trick Eren into doing the work himself, but clearly that method wasn’t working out today.

“You already solved for the activation energy, now you’re supposed to use the Arrhenius equation in the expanded form.”

Eren’s lips fall into a small o-shape, as his eyes scramble across his paper again. “But—how do you—”

“There’s two measurements given for temperature.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah! Okay, right, but then—”

“You have to convert it to Kelvin first or it won’t work. It’s given to you in Celsius.”

Eren furrows his eyebrows together, and then it finally clicks for him. He mutters to himself as he puts his pencil to paper to begin to work through the problem, “How do I convert—”

“Add 273.15 to it. Make sure you put the bigger one first in the equation, or else you’ll get a negative error.”

“You didn’t even do it,” Eren huffs, angrily punching numbers into his calculator, “How do you know it’s right?”

“Because I took this class already,” Armin reminds him, sparing a brief glance over his shoulder, “Isn’t that why I’m tutoring you?”

Eren coughs over his embarrassed blush, “Oh, yeah, right.”

It’s quiet between them as Eren makes a final attempt at solving the equation, carefully and proudly circling his answer when he’s finished. He looks to Armin with bright eyes, and is content when the blonde gives him a reassuring nod, confirming that his answer is correct.

“Well that was a bitch to work through,” Eren sighs, stretching his arms behind his head with a slight yawn, “Chemistry is nothing but glorified math. It’s barely a science.”

Armin shrugs, but he doesn’t disagree. He isn’t the biggest fan of chemistry, unlike somebody else he knows. “Why’d you take chem if you knew it would have so much math?”

It’s Eren’s turn to shrug, slumping back in his chair and running a hand through his hair, “I gotta take all the pre-med requirements… just in case.”

“You wanna go to med school? Since when?”

Eren averts his eyes from his friend, a telltale sign of his bashfulness coming over him. It doesn’t happen often, but Armin knows it’s sincere when it does.

“Dunno. I’m not sure of it, just wanna keep my options open, you know?” Eren replies casually, “Doctors help make a difference and all that, and surgery looks kind of cool. Besides, if my bastard father could do it, how hard could it really be?”  

A gentle smile grows on Armin’s lips, “You can do it. If you really want to, I know you can.”  

Eren’s head snaps up, eyes wide and filled with affirmation and adoration. He relaxes his expression quickly after, but the pink hues are still present, “Thanks, Min.”

From his position he catches eye of another head of familiar blonde hair over Armin’s shoulder, and beside it, your own hair. There’s a flash of a moment when your eyes meet Eren’s, and you offer him a small wave before turning back to Annie to resume doing your homework. Eren barely gets the chance to wave back, but a dopey smile sits on his features at your kind gesture. It fades when he looks back to Armin, once again pondering the animosity between you two.

You and Armin aren’t all that different, you just need to get to know each other better. Actually, Eren thinks that you might make a good couple if you both stopped overthinking it.

“So, what’s the deal with you and (_____)?” Eren asks, bending his right knee to wrap his arm around his leg and rest his chin on top of it, “You act like she kicked your cat.”

“What?” Armin questions, flustered, “What—no, she wouldn’t touch Soup.” 

Eren quirks an eyebrow at that. “I still can’t believe you named your cat Soup.”

“It’s technically a nickname.”

“A nickname for what?”

“…For Miso Soup.”

Eren blinks. “Okay, if she didn’t mess with Soup, then what’s the issue? You scared of her or something?”

“Why would I be scared of her?” Armin asks, tone incredulous; then softer, more subdued, like a kid who doesn’t want to admit they’re wrong, “’M not scared of her.”

“You stare at her like you are—well, you look kind of angry, but also scared. Like, when you see those balloon things outside of car washes. You hate them, but you can’t look away from them—”

“I am not scared of those!”

“You are, and it’s okay,” Eren waves away his friend’s denial, “Oh, I get it—is this one of those things where she makes you nervous, so you respond with anger and sarcasm instead of thinking through your feelings?”

“You’ve been going to therapy for one month, relax.”

“Maybe you two should go to friend therapy and work this out,” Eren bites back, “It probably doesn’t help that she’s always with Annie. They both look like they would murder someone with no remorse. I admit, it is kind of scary… but it’s kind of hot, too.”

Armin spares him an unamused glare. Eren crosses his arms in defense, “What? I’m not wrong. It’s sexy in a scary kind of way, maybe that’s why you’re always eye fucking. I don’t blame you, she’s hot. I would let her and Annie axe-murder me without regret.”

“Eren?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and do problem six, I don’t have all day.”

Eren huffs, but flips the page to the next problem, grumbling under his breath as he attempts the, “It’s not as sexy when you’re mean, you know.”

Armin hits him silent.

Tuesdays are Armin’s favorite days because he only has one class. Sure, it’s three hours long, but it’s much more bearable than his usual eight-hour day.

It’s also the one class he shares with you. Which is why he’s always mentally exhausted by the end of it, but physically, he feels like he could punch a wall; all his pent up anger and frustration is channeled into his body and he’s desperate for an outlet for it. It’s a feeling he hates to love.

Annie seems to have cut class today seeing as she’s not next to you; and it’s almost as if it’s emboldened you to mess with him even more than usual.

He bites his tongue as Dr. Zöe enthusiastically uses your latest point as a segue into the final topic of the evening. He made that same point ten minutes ago. You just worded it differently—admittedly, more concisely, but somehow with a little more nuance, than when he had hesitantly proposed it—and, yeah, maybe you made it sound more convincing, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t come up with it first. If his stupid, fancy stylus didn’t cost upwards of $200 he might have snapped it in half.

You’re definitely the better conversationalist, that much he can admit. Words have never been his forte and he hates the way you can talk circles around him, and that there’s so little he can say to make you stop.

He wishes you would just shut up. In fact, he’d like to shut you up himself.

Thankfully, class ends sooner rather than later. Armin finds himself briefly talking with Dr. Zöe afterwards, most other students having taken the opportunity to leave early for the night. To nobody’s surprise, you’re not one of them, having stuck around to talk to the professor, too.

“The two of you should consider lab research this summer,” Dr. Zöe suggests ardently, walking between the two of you as you exit the lecture hall, “I could really use two students like you!”

Armin chuckles at his boisterous professor. He’s known about the research opportunities at their lab for quite some time now, and he knows that you have, too. “I don’t know that lab work is really my strong suit.”

The three of you come to stop at the hallway intersection, the professor now standing across from you and him. You give them a polite smile, “And I’m not sure that collaboration is mine.”

Armin spares a glance just in time to see you flash one of your own in his direction. Dr. Zöe’s eyes flicker between the two students rapidly, a slight squint to their eyelids.

They aren’t quite sure why their two brightest students seem to despise each other. They wish you two would just get along already, so that they don’t have to spend the summer training half-witted chemical engineering majors how to use basic lab equipment; and instead, conduct some actual research.

“Well, I hope the both of you reconsider,” they smile, “I’ll see you during office hours, I presume?”

You two nod in sync, sending the doctor off with happy smile, just long enough until you see that they’ve turned the corner further down the hall

“Had fun stealing my point earlier?” Armin questions, looking your way as you still wave mindlessly, eye-twitching at your polite façade.

“I would call it improvement,” you tell him, not bothering to turn in his direction; still and smiling waving like the professor can see or hear you, “You should stick to showing, rather than saying. You never were good with your words.”

Armin kisses his teeth together. He’ll give you what you want, if that’s how you want it.

In a fit of irritation, he grabs your moving hand by the wrist, and pulls you down the opposite hallway, not caring for your dramatic wailing behind him.

“Hey, Einstein, the exit is the other way, do you have any idea where we’re going?”

“Ever heard of observational learning? Maybe if you shut up for a second, you would figure it out,” he snaps, pulling you further.

There’s a door on the left that Armin knows is unlocked, and he’s quick to open it and pull you inside. Before you have the chance to glance around, he has you pushed up against the wall, jaw forced up and forward.

He could scoff at the small hitch in your breath at his actions, clearly a little too satisfied with being manhandled; but instead, he takes the opportunity to press your lips together. Armin quite likes the feeling of your lips on his; warm and soft and far too welcoming; a rare moment of silence.

“Someone could hear us.”

Or not so silent.

“Then be quiet,” he snarls.

Armin feels your fingers weave themselves into his hair, scraping along his undercut in sync with his lips trailing down your jaw. A groan falls from his when he feels you tug at the ends of the strands, just hard enough to force his face back to eye level with yours.

“You’re the one with the big mouth.”

“You’re so smart, huh. Always got something to say,” Armin lets out a low chuckle, deft fingers running down your sides to squeeze at your waist, “You can be really fuckin’ annoying, you know that.”

You mirror half of his ministrations, letting your right hand trail down his chest barely brushing over the very visible bulge in his jeans, before hooking your index finger under the belt loop, effectively pulling him closer to you.

The smile on your face is dirty, but you’re not laughing like he was, “Do something about it then.”

His blue eyes grow cloudy as he takes a good look at you; slowly rakes over your features, from that stupid, snarky look in your eyes, to your kiss-bruised lips, down to your chest, and back up again. Armin finds himself copying your smirk for all the wrong reasons. But it’s your own fault; you always did like to push him one step over the edge.

“Fine.”

Despite your twisted grin there’s a look in your eyes that’s eager; willing; ready for the taking. That same look you have when you talk over him in class; when you pretend to ignore him around your mutual friends; when you want him to fuck you stupid.

Armin uses his right hand to cup your jaw again, closing the distance between your mouths with a less than gentle kiss. He feels your groans reverberating through his body, waves of heat accompanying them and going straight to his erection. Your arch your back into the kiss, but he forces you backwards, left hand flat against your tummy.

Following suit, he pushes himself against your body, pressing his knee between your legs; the thin fabric of your stockings doing little to prevent your thighs from rubbing against him.

He swipes his tongue over the seam of your lips, earning a frenzied whine when glides his tongue across yours, and teasingly licks at the roof of your mouth. Your tongue is lithe against his, but somehow just as deceptive and sly as always, and Armin would be a fool to deny that he loved it.

There’s a spark flickering in his stomach when you push your center harshly against his; and it’s only ignited further when he feels you bite his bottom lip. A guttural growl escapes him, his right hand moving to your throat with practiced ease, pushing the back of your head into the wall.

He pauses for a moment, drinks in your wide eyes and desperate visage, “You are the single most frustrating person I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

And he couldn’t get enough of it if he tried. He couldn’t get enough of you.

You must see through his words, into the grainy expression of adoration in his eyes, because he can see it filtering into yours, pupils dilating with both want and care.

“Aw, baby, I love you, too,” you pout, leaning forward as best to can to peck him on the lips, “Now, shut me up and fuck me. It’s exhausting being this pretty and smart-mouthed, you know.”

Armin dips his head into your neck, squeezes against the column of your throat with warning until he hears a gasp escape from your lips. He presses gentle kisses into your skin, in stark contrast to the increasing pressure from his fingers, waiting for one last request, and then, finally—“Please.”

He smiles, loosens his grip for a moment, just long enough to hear your pretty panting, before slotting his lips against yours again. Your moans are lewd and sloppy and breathless between kisses, and it makes his dick twitch in his pants. You really are so fucking loud. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He uses his free hand to push your skirt up, and subsequently dip past the weak barrier of your tights and underwear. The slightest flicker of his fingers against your center has you choking out a moan, and Armin is forced to press his right thumb harder against your neck.

“Quiet,” he reminds you, “You asked nicely, so I’ll give you what you want. No need to be loud about it.”

He watches you nod with short and restricted movements, a sadistic kind of power washing over him at your eager compliance. He uses his middle finger to rub slow, careful circles around your clit; the feeling of your wet cunt against his fingers, coupled with your wanton moaning only spurs on the throbbing in his pants.

“Armin,” you whine, impatiently; but he expected that of you, “Don’t tease.”

His eyes flash to yours briefly, pressing his lips to yours again to swallow your shuddered moans. He dips his tongue into your mouth at the same time he does his middle finger into your cunt. An obscene moan echoing through the classroom, as Armin feels your body arching into his again; feels your fingers frantically flying to his hair, searching for purchase to anchor yourself on.

He pulls away in time to add another digit and watch you groan underneath him. He pushes both his fingers in to the knuckle, carefully curling them upwards to elicit the prettiest sound out of you. He has to admit, it’s probably his favorite thing to hear come out of your mouth.

He keeps a steady pace, pumping his fingers in and out of your pussy with perfect friction, teetering between letting you moan his name and choking you silent. Your hands are frantic in his hair, grasping and pulling and so, so, desperate, Armin can’t help but to finger fuck you harder.

“You want one more?” he questions, but his voice is taunting, words ghosted over your lips just out of reach for you to kiss.

He can feel your leg trembling against his, see you pupils shaking along with your shaking head. Armin stops to smile; he thought you might do that. He could probably make you cry right now if he wanted to. Maybe later.

“Want you to fuck me,” your words short and ragged, eyebrows raised when he uses his thumb to press lightly against your clit, “Armin, please.”

The blonde shakes his head, “You’re dumber than you look if you think I’m gonna fuck you in a classroom, baby, so if you want to cum now, you better tell me.”

You have the audacity to pout of all things, “You’re mean.”

Armin lets out a breathless laugh. “You like it,” he leans forward to peck you sweetly, “So, what’ll it be?”

“Fine, but I want head later, too,” you tell him, words becoming less firm when Armin teases his ring finger against your slit, “Please.”

Armin hums in compliance, leaning forward to kiss you again, this time with more tact, and he chases your whines when he finally pushes a third finger inside of you.

“Look at you,” he croons breaking your kiss and forcing your head back again, “You take it so well.”

“Ah—fuck, there, Armin—there,” you cry, wet heat squeezing around his fingers in intermittent spasms.

Armin watches your chest heave with desperate breaths, air stuttering to pass from your lips to your lungs with his hand around your neck. He can feel your walls constricting around his fingers, feel your body shaking underneath him when he increases his pace. He curls his fingers again, just right, just until he hears you sing a strained call of his name. And when he feels your nails scraping down the nape of his neck, and the slight weight of your body convulsing, Armin knows you’re done for.

He’s nice enough to fuck you through your orgasm, shallow thrusts of his fingers bringing you to and down from your high as he watches you pant for him. He presses small kisses against your throat, up, up, up, until he’s kissing you, and carefully pulling his fingers out.

He removes his hand from your neck, and slides it down your waist to offer you support. He’s not prepared for your sudden pull on his neck, forcing him into a kiss that conveys your content; he’s quick to raise his left hand, palm meeting the wall to hold himself up against your sporadic actions, chuckling lightly into your kiss. You were always so reckless and happy after an orgasm.

You kiss him like you have him wrapped your finger despite being the one pleading moments ago. You do, so he supposes it’s not unwarranted; and he welcomes your flirtatious kisses despite the annoying blush they always bring forth.

And sure enough, he can feel his face on fire when you pull away. Armin scoffs internally at himself; he really should be able to keep it together around you by now. But when you kiss him like that, you kind of make it hard to think straight.

“You’re so good when you’re not… pretending to be good,” you hum, a blissful, hazy look on your features as you wrap your arms around his neck.

Armin shakes his head with a chortle of disbelief; leans forward to kiss you again, “’M not pretending. I am good.”

“Yeah, you’re such a good little saint that arguing with your girlfriend turns you on,” you taunt him, “It’s okay, Armin, you can admit it.”

He groans, out of shallow annoyance this time, and it makes you giggle. “Why are you acting like you’re not complicit in this?”

“Oh, no, no, no,” you refute with an exaggerated roll of your eyes, “You get turned on by hearing me talk about biochemistry. I like it when you tell me to shut up about it. We are not the same.”

“Yeah, because you look hot doing it,” he tells you, “Speaking of which, Eren called you hot today, so I kind of need you to slip a neurotoxin in his Gatorade.”

“Aw, Eren thinks I’m hot? Tell him I think he’s hot, too,” you bat your eyelashes at him, but Armin only offers you an unimpressed glare in return.

“I think he might be onto us, actually,” Armin notes, affectionately bumping his nose against yours.

“If he’s onto us, then it’s because you’re the one giving it away, not me.”

“Oh, because you could never do anything wrong, right?”

“Right,” you flash him an overconfident smile before reaching up to kiss to the tip of his nose, “See you’re so smart, baby.”

Armin shakes his head again in disbelief. You’re a handful, he can see that much.

“Come on,” he prompts, “We should go, I still have to finish my lab write up, and I know you haven’t started your paper.”

Armin tries to motion you forward, but is stopped when he feels your hand combing through his hair, and sees the genuine spark of concern in your eyes. “The one for your elective? I thought you said you were going to finish it on Monday.”

“I was,” Armin admits, “But then I didn’t.”

“You want me to help you with it?” you offer kindly, pushing his bangs back and letting your hands fall down the sides of his face, palms resting against his ears.

He nods gently, turning his head to press a kiss into your left palm, before wrapping his hand around your wrist, “I can help you outline your paper.”

You nod in return, and Armin spares one more kiss, before pulling your hand away to lace your fingers together.

Thankfully, nobody’s around to catch you exiting the classroom, or see you holding hands as you make your way out of the building and towards the bus stop. This was Armin’s favorite part of any Tuesday; the one time he could hold your hand on campus without the fear of getting caught by your friends.

He reasons that you guys should probably tell them soon, though, especially if Eren might have an idea of what’s going on. You were bound to get caught sooner rather than later. That, or Eren and Sasha would start meddling.

“If you think Eren knows, then Mikasa definitely knows,” you note, swinging your intertwined hands as you walk through the parking lot as a shortcut.

“Maybe if you actually remembered to hide Soup’s toys, there would be less evidence for her to piece together.”

“Yeah, well, maybe if you didn’t forget when your midterms are, I wouldn’t have to emergency cat sit the hour before Mikasa comes around, and there wouldn’t be any toys to hide in the first place.”

“I’m bad with dates, you know that!” Armin pouts, “I don’t say anything when you forget about ten page papers until four hours before they’re due.”

“You’re saying something right now, actually.”

“That’s not what I—you know, you’re so—”

Armin’s quiet when he feels your lips pressed against his cheekily, “Annoying. I know. You like it. You’re not very good at staying mad for very long.”

Armin’s tempted to roll his eyes yet again—he really needs to quit it, or at the very least, get your own temper under control before it’s irreversible and completely rubbed off on him—but takes the opportunity to kiss your forehead, instead.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Your eyes twinkle under his affections. “And that you love me?”

He nods, “And that I love you.”

“And that you’re gonna fuck me before you make me write my paper when we get home, right?”

Armin chuckles and presses another kiss to your forehead, “We’ll see about that one.”

Hange huffs as they make their way through the parking. They always forget their keys in their office, and always, inconveniently park half-way across the campus. In their defense, this parking lot is free, and the one closest to the Medical Sciences building is not. So, really, capitalism is the one to blame for their frequent late night car lot strolls.

They hear two familiar voices bickering just as they’re about to step into their car, and are more than surprised to see their two favorite students walking together. Walking together and holding hands. Wait—you and Armin are walking together and holding hands?

Hange blinks for a moment, drowning out the sounds of the conversation after they see you two kiss. Their jaw practically falls to the asphalt and they might not blink for a full two minutes as they process what they just saw.

Their trance is broken when it finally, finally clicks together, and Hange has to try their hardest to contain their squeals before sitting in the driver’s seat, an overly forceful slam to the car door following. They waste no time fumbling with the pockets of their lab coat to fish out their phone, and make a call to their favorite math professor.

“Levi, I told you Arlert and (_____) had to know each other outside of class! I think they might be dating! You know what this means, right? I can have them both in the same lab without worrying they might start a chemical fire, and I won’t have to hire two brick heads this summer!”

Levi has never hung up a call more quickly in his life.

[eremiie]

Fic where y/n has a threesome with Levi and eren😗

can you finish these papers?

❥ 8k words | nsfw | levi x reader x eren

❥ you have some work to finish but you also have somewhere to be, so what’s the harm in handing it off to eren? only, eren ends up needing help with your work, and both eren and levi decide to help you out.

❥ content: threesome, double penetration (vaginal/anal), choking, lowkey cuckolding but not really, slight praise kink, semi-public sex

❥ note: i actually made one back in december so i will simply give that to you now, enjoy <3

"eren!" you called for the brunette, watching his body turn around just before he rounded the corner of the complex, a small smile gracing his face at your figure. you ran up to him, his arms wrapping around your small frame before you could topple over him.

"hey, slow down." the fabric of his button up crinkled the stack of papers in your hand in the slightest before you picked yourself up. he took it upon himself to draw you in closer engaging you in a brief hug before letting you go, causing you to smile at the small gesture. "why are you running?"

"oh, i wanted to catch you before you went to the cubicles." you bit your bottom lip, slightly embarrassed at the fact that you in fact we're running around an office complex to catch him. "i needed you to sign off these papers, and then finish up the rest for me, some of them aren't in my field but i was given them anyways." you held up the papers to your chest and dropped them, eren's eyes following. he took in your appearance; you were wearing a blazer one piece, as if it was a skirt and a blazer warped into one in the bright shade of white, the fabric coming down to a little more than above your knee. trailing down your legs you had a medium handbag in your left hand in a black color that matched your heels.

you were so gorgeous, is what he thought to himself. you never failed to dress to impress at your job, and he never failed to miss greeting you in the morning's when you would come into the building, your normal routine was you and him making coffee together, and on the days you were late he'd make yours for you, cold brew with caramel flavored creamer and a teaspoon of sugar every time. he liked you, but he didn't realize it until one day armin pointed it out to him.

you were seated with him at a meeting, and eren couldn't stop staring at you, the only person seeming to realize being armin, the intelligent coworker of yours that you seemed to only see time to time, and mikasa who was very observant in general; especially with eren.

"you like her!" armin squealed at eren after the meeting during your break. mikasa didn't fail to give a disapproving look at eren, during the ordeal.

"you do. but i'm not surprised. you don't even know her. you only like her for her looks, eren." she added on to armin's comment, eren furrowing his eyebrows at his coworker.

"i don't like her, i just think she's nice guys, and i actually have talked to her, multiple times, so i don't just like her for her looks, mikasa." he crossed his arms and mentally waved the two off. "you don't even know if we talk or not, you're in the complex over." his irritation was clear and he was beginning to walk off, mikasa hesitant to follow.

"eren if you like her that's okay! i'm all for it, and if you want a," armin nudged eren's shoulder playfully with a joyful smile. "wingman i can help you out."

eren grimaced at armin and pushed his arm down with a shake of his head. "armin stop, i don't need a wingman, i don't like her, and i don't need you trying to watch who i talk to mikasa." eren's voice raised in the slightest causing mikasa to step forward in front of armin. she looked down at her watch on her wrist and looked back up to eren with a motherly expression. "break is over in five minutes. let's go."

eren muttered something inaudible under his breath but let mikasa push him forward by the small of his back with armin trailing behind so they could leave the small break area.

so yes, he did like you, and only realized and admitted it to himself after that day, yet he would never admit it to his friends. mikasa would constantly be on his ass about every little thing and armin would try to gain intel on the relationship in retrospect. seeing you genuinely made his heart warm, and he was never afraid to be more than touchy with you, yet he didn't know exactly what move to make.

"yeah, i can do that. do you need them by a specific time?" he grabbed the papers from your hand, letting his brush against your dainty fingers for a slight moment, and he loved the way you grinned at him.

"no, no take your time, bring them by whenever. i have something to do anyways so please, take your time." he nodded his head at you.

"no additional information i need to know? nobody specific to give these to or anything?"

you didn't really think about your response, just wanting to get the papers off your chest. "nope, it's all in the papers, do whatever you want or whatever it says, you're the man."

he chuckled and held the papers up to confirm to you that he'll get everything done for you, despite his own workload. "alright, see you later then?"

"yes, of course, i'll see you later, eren, thank you so much!" and you were off as quick as you met up with him, heading over to the elevator, him watching you leave.

eren couldn't stop smiling to himself on his way to his own office, it was on the same floor as yours, yet the two of you weren't walking together. he assumed like you told him, you had something important to do and that's why you left some of your papers off to him, as the two of you were in the same business field in general compared to others like armin, mikasa, who were in the building next door.

finally, eren was sat at his desk skimming through the papers you gave him. he made two piles, one of papers he simply needed to sign off and transmit to someone above him, most likely the line manager, maybe the director or counselor, and another with work you actually left him to complete for you. mostly phone calls, documents to file and appointments to schedule. he sighed to himself and decided to just sign off the papers to pass on quickly, maybe he'd even be able to stop by your office on the way back to let you know he did some of the work and spark up a conversation.

meanwhile, you were making your own way to another office. you knocked on the door a few times, a small smirk on your face already.

"come in." the voice like silk answered and you wasted no time opening the wooden door.

"levi, hello." you hummed with the same grin you gave eren, just earlier. you closed the door behind you and watched levi study you briefly, rolling his chair out from underneath his desk. his eyes glanced from his desk to you and then back to his desk, getting up and grabbing miscellaneous items, going over to place them on a shelf so it was clearer. "always the clean freak." you scoffed stepping closer until you were right in-front of the plain desk, your fingertips brushing the surface that you've been fucked over countless times. you bent down and placed your purse onto the floor beside his desk. "did you miss me?"

levi went back to sitting down, giving you a one over, taking in your appearance as well. if you were to say so yourself, you were proud of your attire as well, it was giving you a confidence boost, and you got compliments when you wore it almost every time, not to say you wore it a lot.

"heichou? why are you ignoring me?" your voice was flirty. he still hadn't spoke a word to you, yet you knew he was fine with you being here, more than fine. you weren't genuinely being a nuisance, you just wanted to rile him up a bit. you and levi were always like this, not many people spoke to him, as a matter of fact you can't recall much people being willingly enough to talk to him. he was more threatening then the manager, erwin. yet your curiosity didn't fail you when you took a shot at him. both you and hange didn't let his sly remarks, or his little choice of words scare you away, or the death glare he'd shoot in your directions make you shy away from him, and maybe he enjoyed that a little bit.

but the difference between you and hange was your relation to him. an amazing friend you were to him, he even willingly gave you his number when you asked. you nor him were one hundred percent positive on how the situation came to be but you could remember (and you were sure he could too) the first time it happened.

after the first time, every once in a while you and levi would participate in sultry endeavors. you had him wrapped around your finger and you might've been the first girl to at that, although he had you wrapped around his too. not to mention the couple times the two of you didn't fail to fuck at work, levi always feeling more guilty than you after. it was a way to relieve stress for the two of you, and even if you wanted to, you doubt levi would allow you to get any closer to him than you were, not that it bothered you. he was like an onion, lots of hard layers to try and cut through, even after being so close with each other. you never asked why either, his feelings seeming to deep to dive in, and a little much for your carefree self to handle.

"the nicknames not working either?" you strode over and slowly placed yourself in his lap, making sure there were no signs of rejection or anything that would indicate he wasn't in the mood. your legs now were swung over either side of him and your head was leveled with his. "can i?" small fingers brushed up the side of his face, and he involuntarily stiffened in the slightest, even after so many sessions.

he locked his eyes with you and let you lean in to connect both of your lips, a sweet taste of his earlier tea still on his tongue, and only then did he finally place his hands on your lower back, bringing you forward and letting your hips meet his fervently. you tasted of coffee and it blended in perfectly with the herbal taste of his mouth that you swallowed up. moving your hands from his face to his neck, your arms hung over the back of the chair. you pulled back to catch your breath.

"so you're just playing hard to get today?" you smirked, placing your hands over levi's own hands. "do you want to make this quick? i'm not really busy today but how about you?"

finally, levi spoke to you for the first time that evening; "just a meeting with erwin near the end of the work day, in a couple hours."

"you couldn't go a couple hours if we wanted to." your playful remark didn't go unnoticed, and neither did the way he pinched your sides harshly, a yelp coming from your mouth as he picked you up and sat you on his desk.

"only because your shitty ass would be passed out after a few rounds." his eyes gleamed slightly at your charming expression after his joke that made you laugh. you threw your hands back around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss, happy with the way he kissed you more excitingly this time. your tongues and lips danced in a hungry manner and he could feel the happiness radiating off of you. after all it has been a while since you last got to have time with the man.

you trailed your kisses downwards, letting them meet his sharp jawline and then even further until you pecked his adam's apple, it bobbing under your warm lips, and then further once again until they were met with his collarbone. his hand flew to your hair as you continued your administrations, biting and sucking at the thin skin surrounding his collarbone, him holding back his groans, although you could imagine his expression; eyebrows pinched together and his mouth hanging open in the slightest.

deciding to help him out a bit, his suit jacket was thrown off his shoulders onto his chair earning a hard glare from you and you quickly unbuttoned the rest of his white button up until his chest was revealed, giving you the opportunity to run your fingers around it. "hm, pretty."

his smell was distinctive, his signature cologne which you remember asking him the name for but you couldn't recall. it was a french name, something along the lines of 'de chanel', but your mind was becoming foggy and you didn't have time to remember the name at the moment.

"slow down." levi's muttered. "take off that thing." a look of amusement crossd your face, your upper lip perking up and your eyebrows raising. you slowly began to unbutton your buttons one after the other, fully aware you didn't have a bra on underneath your selected outfit; of course not for any particular reason. you just thought it looked simply better without it.

"what? the blazer dress?" and levi held his stern look with you, clearly he could care less about what the piece was called, and he helped you unbutton the remaining buttons letting it fall from your front and rest on your shoulders. he admired your figure, letting his hands ghost over you soft breasts before running his hand down your abdomen and resting them on your hips. his fingers dipped under the band of your underwear, the material nothing special, probably a cotton blend, then he let the pads of his index fingers rub against your hips before pulling them down and folding them to place on his chair. you rolled your eyes. "was folding them really necessary?"

"be lucky i'm even about to bend you over this desk and not making you clean up the mess you're gonna make."

you held your hands up in mock defense, eyelids raising in fake surprise at his comeback, but soon after your eyelids rose in real shock at the feeling of one of his fingers entering you, slowly becoming two. doing it yourself never hit as much as his fingers felt, they fit so effortlessly and made you feel squeamish. you lifted your head up in the slightest to watch him pump the digits in and out your cunt slowly, and clearly on purpose.

you laid back down completely groaning in response at the way his fingers seemed to itch at every right spot inside of you, yet it wasn't enough when you knew that you could have more, that you were going to get more out of him. you lifted your legs up as far back as you could without scooting your upper body off of the desk. you were laying the opposite way the desk was turned so your head hung off slightly, but you didn't mind with the sensation surrounding you.

"fuck, can you go faster maybe?"

"be patient, brat." levi spit back at you quickly, causing you to roll your eyes, but he didn't take that as an answer, curling his slender fingers up until they hit a soft spot, you sucking in a breath. you spread your legs a little more and began to grind down on levi's hands as much as possible to try and create more friction between the two of you, specifically for your own pleasure. you wondered if he was enjoying watching you sprawled out on his desk like this.

of course he was.

you didn't even realize how much he was enjoying it until you opened your eyes to watch the way his bottom lip was trapped between his teeth, and the way his freehand was palming at his self. he was watching you such a lewd expression that you would never catch any other time, and it only grew when you fluttered your eyes at him and let out another moan to draw him in more. in fact, he was so caught up in the moment that his brain was on autopilot, whenever someone knocked on his door his response was always for them to 'come in', and that's how the next moment played out; his brain moving on its own while his fingers were working inside of you.

"sir?" a low voice startled you, but not so much levi as he was so caught up in the moment.

"come in." he said, just like he said to you when you first walked in, but he realized his mistake soon after, yet it was too late. "wait,"

the door was already opening, and heavy footsteps entered the office. "sir, i have pap-"

green eyes locked with yours first thing, and the way your face was contorted in pure pleasure and how your eyes were framed on his sent shivers as well as shock down his spine. surprisingly, you weren't as embarrassed as you thought you were supposed to be because it was him, although you were in an awkward position and levi was clearly flustered and angered at the same time.

"eren..." you mumbled, he appeared upside down from the way your head was looking off the desk, eren in front of you but a distance away.

eren stood there an unreadable expression on his face, but you could see anger through his movements, translated through the way he gripped the papers in his hand a little harder than usual, the paper folding under his hands. or maybe by the way his left eyebrows would twitch, hm, or maybe the slight glare that you couldn't tell who it was directed at.

levi on the other hands anger was way more evident, his face red from either the activity at hand or at how flustered he was. his fingers were stilled in you but they were still curved and rested against your g-spot a little harshly while his other hand stabilized him on the table. "jaeger,"

"i had some papers to drop by." he slightly cut levi off, which wasn't usual... why wasn't he leaving as soon as he witnessed what was going on? as a matter of fact, you were slightly worried on why you were the calmest one in the room although it was you who was upside down on with your tits hanging out and a finger between your lips.

"get out." levi hissed, nails digging into his palm as his fist sat on his desk, beside your phone. but that wasn't the only thing painful, not to mention his dick straining against his dress pants.

eren attempted swallowinh down his slight irritation and frustration, instead letting his gaze flicker down back to your body. he struggled with watching your chest heave up and down, clearly aching for this to be over so levi could keep going. the way the white fabric of your dress was draped across your shoulders yet revealing of everything in between, and the faint scent of sex lingered in the room. your finger playing with your lip and your legs spread open for... levi, was simply a sight.

he wished that was him.

he couldn't be mad at his line manager, he was the one who dictated how well he was doing to the actual boss, he was the head of the branch that you and eren were under.

"why are you still standing there brat? get out." levi's eyes were dark yet he refused to make eye contact with eren, who huffed in a breath and turned towards the door.

he thought for a minute.

"i'll tell."

you and levi's eyes slightly widened, you raising your eyebrow at his sudden demeanor. his voice was a bit lower and he was still facing the door, a bit spacey if you asked yourself.

"ere-"

"let me join."

you snickered in amusement. of course you'd be the one taking the biggest toll but if you were being honest it didn't bother you that much. you liked the thrill and anticipation of the possibility of being caught, and eren was cute, always a sweetheart to you and looking out for you and your work. he was the reason you could divide your work load. why not reward him? in all honesty, if he were to make a move on you independently you probably wouldn't have been one to say no. levi on the other hand...

"i'll tell erwin that you're in here fucking a staff member." this was light for eren, he really wanted to yell at levi for being the one to have you a mess under him, and wanted to be angry at you because you were allowing it to happen, his jealousy was definitely getting the best of him, and he was sure levi would probably beat his ass later for even making the proposition. he felt like a little kid, and felt even worse for the subtle blackmail. it felt stupid to even be asking for such a request, i mean he would never really tell, he just wanted to get a feel of you, feel you around him any which way.

"eren." levi's head lowered further. "i'm going to kill you."

eren's lips creeped up into a small smile. he took that as acceptance and he closed the door, this time locking it for levi and walking forward towards the desk. his smile was slightly reciprocated by you, feeling excitement rush through your body. sure you've been with a lot of people and were slightly know for being an overly friendly person, but a threesome? never.

despite levi's stiff form, still still fingers, and the annoyance seeping off of him eren wasted no time unbuckling his belt in front of your face. the hem of his black button up falling out of his pants as they dropped to the floor, his boxers going along with them.

"doesn't really matter to me if i can feel her pretty lips around my mouth."

oh, how bold of him.

you clenched. yup, yes you did, and you were sure levi felt it, your walls fluttering around his fingers at eren's choice of words. he was hung right in your face and you strained your neck a little bit to push back on the table so you could get a better position for him. he looked down at you still seemingly irritated but a little excited. he caressed his fingers under your jaw, his thumb pulling down on your bottom lip.

"can you open up for me, please?"

your smile was evident now. levi wasn't very vocal during sex as far as you knew, so the exchange and opposition in personalities was a new experience for you. levi began to move his fingers again as you hummed in response  and opened your mouth for eren. he slipped his dick into your mouth flawlessly and the angle helped your throat open up much more, not that you had trouble with that anyways.

eren's groans were so pretty, the feeling of your mouth circling him was heaven sent and he had to support himself with the table while he settled in your heat. "fuck," he moaned out while trying to reach the back of your throat only for a split second before letting you do your thing.

"you're gonna have to shut the fuck up. i'm not getting caught because of your shitty ass." levi's pumps were slower now, and you continued your grinding to get him to speed up while trying to cater to eren who was too in bliss to even care about levi's remark.

"mm," was eren's response and it made you laugh around him sending small vibrations up his cock, causing him to gasp and his hand to fly back up to your jaw, massaging your chin unconsciously. you were having slight trouble breathing and all you could see from your angle was the floor and the inside of eren's thighs, his skin a pretty tan, but in all you decided to close your eyes to enhance your pleasure and eren's.

levi began to quicken his pace in a rough manner, adding a third finger and continuing his administration's, using his freehand to fumble with his own pants and belt until they collapsed from around his waist while he abused the sweet spot inside of you. more moans continued to spill from you and eren began his own pace inside your mouth simultaneously while levi pushed to make you cum.

eren's free hand snaked from your jawline to your throat and he essentially used it as leverage while he slipped in and out your mouth, almost slipping out completely then pushing as far as he could every time. spit dribbled down the side of your face from your position and his assault and you silently prayed it didn't get in your eye. "this shit feels so good," eren groaned, his eyes closed as he basked in the pleasure you were giving him, using you as he pleased. "this is what i was missing out on? this is what he got to do?" he rambled on and levi glared at him while his words barely processed in your head as you focused on trying to breathe.

"shut up, you're gonna turn me off." levi continued to go faster and you could feel the warm sensation building up in your lower stomach, your legs aching from their position, continuously open as far as they can go so you could feel his nimble fingers inside you as deep as possible. you knew your legs would be cramped and feel like jelly later.

a whimper elicited from you while eren used your throat, and eren laughed at levi, yet he couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.

your legs were beginning to shake and you used your free hand to rub your clit but levi's hand grabbed your wrist before you could help yourself to an orgasm. "no. you really think i'd let you get off that fast?" you whined but it was slightly covered by the gags eliciting from your throat as eren got rougher, hand closing in around your neck and you could feel his fingertips tightening around it. he also seemed to relish in the feeling of your throat bulging the deeper he went, causing a mantra of curses to leave his own throat.

once you calmed down a little on levi's end he continued to go faster again, this time your wrist to your side pinned by his hand. he was doing it on purpose, hitting that sacred spot inside of you repeatedly while watching your actions to determine whether or not you were close, by the way your legs would push further out, or the way you would arch your back, or even the feeling of you tightening around him in anticipation for something bigger, then he would pull out and relished in the whine that would leave your mouth every time.

"ev... ah..." his name sounded so distorted coming from your mouth when you had eren filling your mouth up.

"he can't hear you like that, sweetheart." eren taunts, pulling out and and rubbing the head of his dick against your swollen lips. "what is it?"

"i can't, i need to cum." you pleaded, raising your head up so that you could see levi's fingers inside of you preparing to get you close to your high for the umpteenth time. eren stared in admiration at you and at your begging expression.

"tch, help him finish first so i can fuck you." levi was relaxing now that he was in too deep, and you could tell. he seemed to be enjoying putting you right on the edge, or maybe he was punishing you for eren's arrival, but that was in no way your fault. you sighed impatiently and laid your head back down so eren could slip back in.

"you want me to make this quick for you?" eren's hand was on your cheek now with a look you'd give to a crying newborn baby, almost as if he was in awe, maybe pity, or maybe he was patronizing you. you weren't used to being so submissive to one, let alone two people, so you were surprised at how rapidly your responded, a fast nod to the head. "'m gonna use that pretty throat of yours for a few more minutes, alright?" another hum in response to eren and you closed your eyes again in anticipation, deciding to ignore the spit and lewd noises while levi added a fourth finger but went pretty slow.

eren pushed into your throat again and stayed as deep as possible for a couple seconds. "shit," he furrowed his eyebrows before pulling out and then repeating the process. "i'm close, i'm so fucking close." you helped push eren over the edge by attempting to swirl your tongue around his dick and hollowing your cheeks. the last time he pulled out you chased him, your lips puckering around his head and sucking. he went in once more and you licked up a specific vein that lined the side of his cock and then he spilled in your mouth. "oh, fuck, fuck!"

you sat up as he pulled back and propped yourself up on your elbows, forcing yourself to swallow his seed, as you were at work and didn't want too much of a mess to clean up. plus levi would've probably killed you, already seeming upset. although, levi kept to his word, he clicked his tongue and pumped his fingers in and out of you hard and fast again to build that pressure back up, letting go of your wrist to rub at your clit and not forgetting the spot that made your eyes rolls back and your stomach curdle until you yourself were coming as well with a too loud moan, that you prayed the others in the building didn't hear. "levi!" you called out, his name leaving your lips flawlessly causing his lips to part with a sigh and your juices coating his fingers. he pulled his fingers out from you and your and eren were both mesmerized by the amount of slick that gave his fingers a shine.

although the site in front of him was beautiful, eren was jealous that that wasn't his name coming from your lips like that.

and levi was irritated he was still untouched.

"my turn." levi grumbled, as you sat up your chest heaving up and down. you were sure you looked a mess, dry saliva and cum all over your face, and your throat left dry and abused, not to mention you didn't even want to know what your hair looked like. you lifted yourself off the counter and threw the dress blazer that was under you onto the floor, and swore you saw levi twitch, probably contemplating whether or not to ruin the moment by folding it or something.

"awe, heichou was being patient. that's a first." you joked, and eren came around and sat up onto levi's desk in your previous spot letting you lean back onto him while he was trying to catch his own breath after such an intense orgasm. he was slightly confused by the nickname but it gave him the impression that this has clearly been going on for a long time. "so what do you want me to do, boss?"

with another click of his tongue levi opted to show you instead of tell you. you turned around as levi lined himself up while you stood facing eren for support as he sat in front of you stroking himself and deciding to just watch for now, still surprised he was even getting to have an experience with you.

"then i'm gonna fuck you." you gasped as you felt levi rub against your folds and then enter you bottoming out at once. he's been inside you so many times yet every time still felt somewhat new and refreshing. he fit so perfectly inside of you like a glove and you loved the way it felt every time. you sighed in relief when you felt him buried to the hilt and eren's hand tightened around himself at the noises coming from you. he was studying your expressions well, knowing that he'd embed in his mind the noises and faces you were making for later.

eren brought his hands up to your face and pulled you in for a kiss to swallow up your sounds. "you know you did so good?" he praised you using his thumbs to rub your ears before kissing down to your neck. "that's the best head i've gotten in a while."

your mouth dropped open and you let out the quietest "eren," as he pulled you closer and levi fucked you harder; he wanted to hear 'levi' not 'eren'. eren relished in this though and sucked at your neck, sandwiching you between the two boys, you using eren to hold onto, and levi drilling you.

"yeah, i like when you say my name like that." you couldn't help but notice how expressive he was, and you loved it. his lips formed those words against your skin and you grasped onto his black button up to hold yourself up some more. eren let go of your face now having a free hand to go back to stroking himself. he watched as your eyes fluttered and struggled to stay open, and levi loved the way instead of your eyes, your cunt fluttered around him. his grip on your hips was strong and his fingertips were going to leave some type of imprint in your skin. the sound of skin slapping against each other was so apparent and a turn on for eren.

"hey," eren let go of himself and connected your lips once more before leaning in towards your ear. "you think you can take two people?" his voice was low, almost like a whisper but loud enough that levi heard it too, causing him to stutter in his movements at the thought and you to have a mini double take as well.

"oh fuck," you sighed resting your elbows on eren's knees while your chin rested against his shirt and you opened your eyes to look up at him.

"if you can't let me know, no pressure." his smile was warm, too much like the same grin he gave you earlier when you handed him those papers. one of his hands pat the top of your head before raking the rest through your locks and then tugging on your ponytail slightly. "i'm just curious to know how much you can take. you've been such a slut today... i didn't know you were like this." your head was jerked to look more up at him causing a strain on your neck and you let out a small mewl in response.

levi looked up at you trying to determine what your response meant while eren caressed your jaw again, something he seemed to really enjoy. it made it feel more intimate for him and gave him the slightest hope that he could have a little more of you another time.

"how?" you mumbled against him. eren's hands cascaded down your back until his ring finger prodded at your hole causing it to clench slightly making him chuckle.

"well i'll be here," and then his hand groped your ass before bringing it back up and kissing you once more. "and he'll be there."

"i... i can try?" your audible response was more of a question and it was mainly the result of the way eren stared down at you. gosh were his eyes absolutely gorgeous, the closer you were to him the better they were to look at even through the blur of your eyes from the sensations around you. emerald green rimmed by a jade with flecks of the ocean littering his eyes. as a matter of fact his whole face was gorgeous, his brown hair swept back into a half assed bun with strands of hair sticking to his forehead was still attractive to you somehow even though it looked like he didn't try at all.

"hm, sir?" eren looked up, his 'sir' coming off as more mockingly and levi's infamous glare wasn't afraid to look at eren again. "it's what she wants."

"are you sure this isn't for your own fucking fantasy?" you assumed levi's comment was a joke but his tone was too serious to tell, so eren brushed it off as well as you. "come here." levi pulled out and hesitantly sat back in his own chair. "get on top of me." you obliged and crawled into his lap, lining the two of you up again and having him bury into you all the way again.

"you don't have... anything, right? to help her?" eren asked reluctantly but he wanted to assure no harm would be done to you. levi shook his head and gave eren a look that screamed 'why would i carry lube at work?' yet it was a stupid look considering he was in the process of fucking his coworker at work as well.

eren came up behind you rubbing your shoulders and neck chastely, speaking again in a low tone; "we're gonna take this slow." he turned your head towards him as you leaned more against levi so eren could get a better angle and kissed you softly before collecting precum from his tip and smearing it on your entrance then letting his spit beside it before slipping one finger into you. you tensed up in the slightest and pulled away from eren's lips. eren could feel the added pressure from you and pouted. "you have to relax or this won't work." you were sure his response was trying to be reassuring but it came off as more angry.

"okay," you relaxed your body and levi pulled you closer to him not even recognizing the fact that he pecked you a kiss instead. "someone's jealous." you joked as eren slipped a second finger beside the first, levi tensing up himself at the strange feeling of eren's fingers being felt through the thin tissue that separated your two holes. you stiffened yourself in the slightest at being pushed to your limit. levi grumbled something inaudible and peered down at the site, slightly intrigued but doing a good job at hiding the fact.

"can i add a third one?" eren asked after you were more calm. he spit again so it wasn't dry. you hesitated for a minute before nodding your head and anticipating the new stretch. you weren't gonna lie, it slightly burned but it was a good burn, a sexual pain. eren slipped in his third finger even slower than the first two and marveled at the way you were taking up so much, rubbing your back encouragingly and pecking various upper body parts to keep you calm while levi himself was struggling with the added pressure, just holding you in his lap and trying not to thrust into you.

slowly eren pumped his fingers and he ached for it to be his dick instead. maybe another time he'd be able to get you by yourself and get to fuck you properly, he could only hope.

"i think i can do another one." your tone was shy as you cradled against levi's chest, quite flustered.

"oh? okay." eren responded before repeating his process of spitting and adding another finger slowly so you could adjust. one thing eren and levi could agree on was how well you were doing. his fingers pumped inside you again and you groaned at the newfound feeling, lip quivering and eyes getting teary. this time, without much hesitance after you adjusted again eren removed his fingers and placed his tip at your entrance turning you to face him. "you're so fucking good," eren brought your lips to his again before he slid into you slowly, swallowing all your gasps and he could've sworn he could've heard one elicit from levi at the pressure that was building up. he didn't begin to move until you gave him the okay and he spit hastily once more and began moving slowly, levi's pace much faster.

you felt overwhelmed but in a good way, the thrill was running through your body and your adrenaline was pumping, cheeks warm and body hot, and you could feel tears pricking at your eyes. "this... feels so fucking... good!" you struggled to get you words out but they heard you. in response eren grabbed your breast, rolling your nipple in between his warm fingers and placing his forehead against the top of your head.

"yeah, it does, this is amazing, ____, you're amazing, fuck." you could've sworn that was the first time eren had said your name all night and you loved the way it rolled off of his tongue so well, it made your heart flutter how he said it so passionately and rich while he fucked you.

levi still was adamant on not making much noise but you could tell he was feeling it too by the way his grip on your lower back was impeccably tight, and the soft curses under his breath. normally you'd be asking the other party to go faster but you didn't want to push yourself too much and relished in the pleasure given currently. you were gonna come soon anyways with an added push later.

"you're taking us so well, shit," eren cursed eyes squeezed so tightly he was seeing stars in his vision while he palmed at your breast, seemingly for his own leverage not really your own, and you probably would've laughed at this if you weren't so in the moment yourself.

"eren, levi," you panted bouncing down onto both of them hoping your efforts were working with them. "please, i'm gonna come,"

ugh, there names again went straight to both of their heads, especially eren, his hand snaking up to your neck from your boob and  choking you slightly before going to your jaw and slipping his thumb into your mouth, holding it open. "are you asking permission?" eren asked while levi followed in eren's footsteps unconsciously and this time actually choked you, his hand wrapping around your neck and bringing you closer to him, yet his eyes were closed.

"i..." you couldn't even respond to eren's question, too much going on and quicker than you could even process or realize you came squeezing both of them tight, but levi could feel it straight on and stopped for a second in efforts not to come yet. he would never admit it but the feeling was perfectly strange in the weirdest way. as long as levi's lower stomach didn't rub against your clit the oversensitivity didn't bother you too much.

"you what? speak up." eren patronized you knowing you couldn't speak well with his thumb in your mouth or a hand around your throat, nevertheless filled both ways with two dicks.

levi loosened his grip and you sucked in as much air as possible and whined. "please, can i come?"

yes, you definitely needed someone like eren in your sex life.

he took his hand out your mouth and used his wet thumb to rub circles around your clit until that same pressure built up earlier and toppled you over the edge, you coming for the third time that day, holding in your screams as you twitched on both of their dicks squeezing them tight. "lev-, ere-," you breathed heavy and collapsed on levi again while both of them quickened their pace, eren coming first for the second time and spilling into you causing levi to let out a loud groan and reciprocate.

levi pushed forwards causing you to fall back into eren who took you into his arms and turned you around so no cum got on levi's desk. while he caught his breath he used the arm that wasn't holding you up to spread your left cheek and watch you push out both of their fluid, eren biting his lip and sighing. "you did really good." he murmured in your ear while levi fixed himself up right away. talk about post-sex guilt, or maybe that was his cleanly side acting up.

usually after sex the two of you would get dressed together and you would help him clean his office but this was too much, you were tired and needed to help yourself.

levi clearly felt disgusted with himself, and you found it amusing even through your haze. "i have some cleaning to do, get your shit together and get out." was the nicest way for him put it. you didn't take this as rude considering you knew levi personally, and as did eren yet he still was slightly offended. levi pulled out a box off tissues from the shelf which he placed them on and handed it to you. "get yourself a little cleaned up with these, get your clothes on, and you too jaeger."

you rolled your eyes yet you and eren obliged while levi febreezed the room before getting started on his cleaning.

"good thing i don't have calls today. we're on break now so i'm making myself another cup of coffee to get through this last hour." you spoke mainly to yourself but still the two heard as you placed your phone back into your purse which you picked up after spraying yourself (and eren) with perfume and fixing yourself up, face cleaned up and all.

"we don't talk about this, ever. this isn't happening again, and if i even hear you utter a word about it, it's gonna be your neck, brats." levi muttered while wiping off his desk profusely. "get out." he huffed, wanting to take a hot shower, then again all three of you couldn't wait to get home and do just that.

                                  ✽ ✽ ✽

"so..." eren sipped from his coffee as did you, him deciding to follow you during the last ten minutes of your break.

"so? don't make this awkward, eren." you half joked with a small smile. "levi said not to talk about it!" you repeated levi's words mockingly, of course you cared less what levi thought.

"i just feel like this makes us closer." he chirped at your playful tone. "we should hang out or something sometime and i wanna know you and... everything." eren seemed bolder with his words after your adventure.

"you blackmailing me and levi into having sex with you counts as us getting closer?" it seemed as if eren became a little more sullen with another one of his infamous irritated looks, causing you to chuckle. "i'm just joking, eren. you have my number if you need it."

eren's eyes lit up and he smiled with a small huff of accomplishment. "alright cool..." his gaze darted towards the clock in the corner of the room. "breaks over so i'll see you, _____." there was your name again.

he began to walk off desperately wanting to leave you with a hug or a kiss but he was back into his awkward complex, nevertheless he did not know what terms the two of you stood on after that.

"did you ever finish those papers?" you asked curiously looking towards eren before he could round the corner. eren gave you an apologetic look shaking his head until his brain sparked. he smirked and looked back at you with those same aqua eyes.

"i finished in something else instead." and you swore you saw his eyes darken before he turned that stupid sharp corner and disappeared for good.

[greysfall]

My 4444-word review of NEO TWEWY (with personal illustration + heavy spoilers)

My overall critical score for the game is 7.5/10, while my personal enjoyment score is 8.5/10. This review is posted as I have 80% completed the game, got the secret ending and achieved the Angel psychic rank. I’ll first start with the main pros and cons as follows.

PROS:

-        Enjoyable as a whole, still upholding the first game’s spirit in world building and sharing the same backbone - which was mostly revealed in the Secret Reports, it’s impossible to grasp the story without reading them.

-        The new cast and new game is charming in their own way

-        The old cast’s return is one of the biggest highlights for sure, it was fun and impactful. Everyone stays true to themselves and also had their own stories wrapped up nicely.

-        Boss designs are cool, new pins are fun to use and collect

-        The connection between the old and new cast is well written and executed, including but are not limited to the tension between the old and new protagonist, the weird but fun interaction between the 2 Composers, the new friendships revealed and formed

-        Sho being in the main cast is something so uniquely TWEWY and uniquely Sho

-        Still good music

-        Still many fun side quests, some of them really uphold the same quirky spirit of the old game and some are surprisingly touching

-        Many new nice stores and yummy looking foods to explore

-        The map is really easy to memorize for me, it’s fun to travel around the “current” Shibuya to see all the differences compared to the past

-        The social network is crazy and interesting to read through

-        Has an anti-frustration system to help 100% complete the game more easily and earn money faster, so post-game is relatively managable.

-        Overall, I really feel the efforts the team poured into making this as their passion project, not just during the development process but for all the last 14 years. They showed the vision of what they wanted to make, at the same time giving something to both the old as well as new fans.

CONS:

-        The biggest problem with the game is scenario writing. The story is so heavily back-loaded. The director himself thought it would be better to balance out the tension flow by adding more at the beginning but gave in to the scenario writer in the end, probably due to time pressure. This results in an underwhelming execution of characterization and lots of wasted potentials for the first half of the game.  

-        I struggle to view it as a stand-alone game, since the backstory and the old cast both play such an important role in the core of the game. If someone plays this game without having played the OG, they can only enjoy it on surface value at best.

-        The new cast is nice but most of them aren’t quite as intriguing as the old cast, maybe it’s cuz they’re all too nice deep down that they lack a little bit of an edge, of that batshit craziness that everyone in the OG used to have? I think some characters (Fret, Nagi) ended up weaker in terms of characterization because the writer is too afraid of making them unlikeable – which kind of backlashed cuz they only became likable in the most expectable way to cater for a specific group of fans. I would have wished for the other team leaders to be more crazy too, had they not suffered 30+ loops of the Game…

-        The CAMERAWORK IS HELL.

-        Gameplay does get tedious at certain points with all the time travels.

-        Shiba is so badly written as a villain, some Shinjuku characters should be given more screentime cutting into Shiba’s– like Hishima or Kaie or even, Hazuki (though his limited presence also solidified his importance).

-        Some of the main character designs, for example Beat’s hairstyle and his food reactions are hilariously bad. What’s the point of covering up most of his unique facial features?

-        Some of the minor/side characters’ design are too cool for them to have such a small role (eg: Ayano, Eiru). Ryoji did get much screentime but is nowhere as fun as Makoto was.

-        Overall the scope of this game is made a little too big for the team to handle as perfectly as the last game that was very compact, it felt somewhat rushed in development too so the missing pieces are clearly there in the final picture

The entry fee versus paying for it all in the end

An important difference between the Neo game and the original Shibuya game was that the Shibuya rule asked for an entry fee that is the Player’s most important asset, stated as a chance the Composer gives them to reexamine themselves. Meanwhile, the Shinjuku rule neither encourages nor allows personal growth and ultimately aims to erase as many Players as possible. It’s a pity we were never introduced to the full Shinjuku rulebook, as it seems like the system there focuses more on building up power and a grand government to compare with the individuality-driven system of Shibuya.

When you have to compare the new game and the original game (OG), this is an important factor to consider. Also, the OG has a serious storyline running through and through, locked with a different partner/GM creating unique atmosphere for each week and you don’t get to see your old partners again until the end. NEO’s team system does not allow such deep insight and communication between the Players. All of your teammates are always there throughout, the dynamic does change with each new addition but it is not as prominent as a partner change.

Another important factor is how the OG was built from scratch for a new platform as “something no one has ever seen before”, while Neo recycled a lot of old unused ideas from the previous development (check out this interview for more details). The development team for NEO lacks 2 key members and had a change of writer so the final product is not as strongly bound together as the last game.

The new cast is definitely inspired by today’s teenagers (from the view of creators), compared to the old cast they’re more sociable and always seem to take whatever works for them despite feeling unstable inside. They are all innocent and genuinely nice kids, avoiding to hurt each other to a degree that they end up keeping some sort of distance. They’re also unable to communicate at deeper levels, always stagnant at this half-baked stage of equilibrium without any motivation to get to the core of things. That is the cost of entering the game without an entry fee, without even dying or having a reason to be there/to fight seriously. These kids were stolen from the RG into a Game that was decidedly the worst environment for them to change or develop, just wandering around cluelessly to find a way “out” until tragedies started to unfold one by one and they ended up being charged the total sum of the price for their actions – ultimately losing everything in the end.

That is, I believe, a story arc which can resonate more to the youth of today rather than of my generation. If the message of the old game was to “listen”, enjoy life to the fullest and accept to trust others, the message of the new game is to “speak up” from the inside, trying to understand yourself and take actions instead of just going with the flow and finally, to take responsibility for such actions.

If Neku was handpicked by the Composer for being the special one with an all-dense soul to ensure victory of the game then Rindo was just a normal kid chosen out of random by Kubo to be his back-up plan, who just happened to have a high enough imagination to awaken the incredible power from his pin. Rindo was then officially chosen by the Composer as Josh picked up and handed the pin to him again, this time not as Josh’s personal Proxy – but as the Proxy to represent the normal people of Shibuya and via whom he could gamble if humans can fight for their own fate.

The underworld heroine and the hero with little of his own

Shoka is for me a refreshing and layered heroine. She’s the kind of character that took at least 3 trials of creators to form as a complete individual – that included Nomura who gave her the base design and Reaper background, Gen who gave a more cunning touch and the writers who made her English dialogues more punchy. Dishonesty equals “tsundere” is such a cliché, so the English writers tried really hard to avoid that trope in my opinion, while still letting her good intention come through.

She serves as the character who is informed of everything the players should have known, and there was almost nothing she could do about it. Almost. Until she met Rindo.

They were drawn to each other by sharing a state of “not having anything of their own”. They both started out with not being able to truly know themselves, Shoka even hated her RG life but also managed to mature from that stage before Rindo. She must have vibed with Shiki’s love and passion in the Gatto Nero threads, initiating her connection with Shibuya and understanding herself more. With Shoka as Swallow, they were able to open up to each other and offer mental support… but was still not getting to the centre of their problems because for all this time, Shoka could not tell Rindo the most important things about herself.

How did Shoka feel when she met Rindo at the UG? She probably didn’t want to hope that he would live the day until she witnessed the Twisters’ potentials. From the very beginning, they were both incredibly conscious of each other and also constantly frustrated that the person they happened to “notice” was such a condescending bitch/a clueless loser. The Shinjuku Reapers are overall quite drunk in power and uncompassionate to Players, Shoka included. She is also a master of dissociation, which results in her constant boredom, tone swings, haughtiness and subconsciously distancing herself from the friend – the boy she cares about – from false hope, as she judged from facts that it was a hopeless situation where nothing could ever be. Maybe she is naturally a bit of a chameleon just like her name suggests (Shoka 紫陽花 = hydrangea, the color-changing flower), so putting on an act and always dissociating herself from what’s important was easy, while hiding her contradiction was impossible. It was the ex-Reaper Beat who broke it out to her, that she should decide whether she really cared and wanted to do something for a change. He knew how it felt like to cross that line, and knew she wanted to too.  

Shoka is endeared by many of the Shinjuku Reapers and has shown independent acts of kindness (the Shinjuku ghost), proving that her kind and truthful side is as real as her harsh and dishonest side – which makes her a nice mirror to the previous heroine Shiki, who also embraced a dichotomy of self-complex and self-love within her character. In the end, she was the first of the new cast to ultimately accept all that is important to her and independently made the decision to help save Shibuya despite all costs.

She was jealous at Rindo’s interaction with Tsugumi and Kanon but remained silent cuz she wasn’t at a place to have any say about it. She also didn’t reveal about Swallow because that would only add an awkward irrelevance to their current situation, as she was too ready to face erasure at the end of the Game. She only wished to “play a game” with him, be it FanGo or the Reapers’ Game. The tension that the team could only feel at the end, she’s felt it the entire time. The song “DIVIDE” is applicable to not just one bond in the game, but it always makes me think of theirs. There is always a “divide” between her and Rindo throughout the course of their journey, as the living and the dead, as a Player and Reaper, as someone who has a place to return to and someone who doesn’t, someone who knows little but wields too much power and someone who knows a lot despite not being able to do much.

“If only I had the chance to connect with you on the other side

But time goes on, and without us realizing it

The battle is getting heated

Time goes on, and without us realiazing it

Divided again”

To be honest, maybe I didn’t grow any affection for the new main cast from Rindo’s perspective but from Shoka’s. Since I started to sympathize with Shoka, I started to see the boy in a more “real” way. The real Rindo, behind his peaceful façade with others, would lash out on Shoka for her unfairly harsh attitude while none of the others cared. He could also subtly feel that mantle of unspoken secrets from her, her own contradictions, the unresolved chemistry between themselves – and not knowing what to do with it rather than to feel angry with all the unfairness he could not process. (As a Libra too, he’s triggered the most by unfairness!)

It is actually a positive development as he’s at least “reacting” to something strongly now rather than to keep evading his problems. During my replay, I clearly saw the difficult situation Shoka was in, her remaining harshness after the Motoi incident was due to her internal struggle with a mission to save her own life, versus a chance to really be with the team. Her decision was to do both at the risk of losing favour from both sides. Rindo started to accept her layer by layer, as the person who resonated the most to her contradicting nature from the start and knew that via learning her resolve, he has learnt his too.

Later into the game, she even got too much of his attention. Maybe even without knowing she’s Swallow, he’s familiar with her thinking direction and Swallow had always been closer to him than any other friend. It was only after she had to betray her important ones twice that she could start being truly honest. The scene when she died a 2nd time left a strong impression in me, the little reveal let Rindo know that he is also losing Swallow as he’s losing Shoka – and that only death could drive the last secret out of her. Her final “Later, loser” echoed through Rindo as it was the final truth, with only him remaining to hear it: they had actually, already lost everything.

Rindo was the boy who never dared to face all that matters to him until he lost it all, fighting an unfair battle in the faith that they would somehow still win. Shoka was the girl who always knew what was dear to her, but never dared to think she could be together with them ever after and still threw her all into a battle she knew was losing. I think they stir each other on naturally to fill out their gaps, similar to what the Shibuya game partner systerm would have aimed for. The end reward was a little divine intervention to help close up the divide between them once and for all.  

During the game there was not enough space to process anything personal so at the ending when they officially became “friends”, it was an important affirmation of their bond. Some people complained it was friendzoning but it’s not, they just have arrived at the perfect place to start something more. “From now on, we will truly be together” – I read it as that kind of message.  

The heroine from a lost battle, with her story taken away

After reading the secret reports and playing the game to be surprised of how small a role Tsugumi had in the main game despite being the “Hype-chan” thought to be a major character of the next TWEWY installment, many fans would feel sad at a missed opportunity to see the Shinjuku arc in full depiction.

It was shown clearly that, a Shinjuku arc was very carefully planned out and is a vital part of the whole story, yet it could not be made due to various circumstances behind the development scene. I would assume, that the team were not able to make a TWEWY game that ended on a despairing note, but it already happened in their mind, thus becoming a mental burden that forced them to break away from it and started the game anew with NEO. A significant part of NEO became the healing arc for the Shinjuku characters, especially for Tsugumi though I really wished more emphasis should have been placed on her rather than Shiba. We didn’t even get to see her brother – Shinjuku’s Conductor who had a vital role and instead was given the clueless Shiba, who had absolutely no idea what’s going on all the way until the last day in NEO. It’s as if Tsugumi has had her story stolen away from her, because her own battle ended with a saddening loss.

I think every time the game creators look at Tsugumi, they would feel that sadness too. Maybe to them, she is a bigger character than what is seen by the fans, as despite their failed effort to depict her story, she’s lived in their mind for all these years through periods of destruction, healing and rebuild.  Though it is a pity we could not get to experience the full scope of the Shinjuku story, the creators was clear about the place they wished for it to arrive at.    

Individuality, connection and the social network

The team system adapted from Shinjuku rulebook does not allow much room for personal development, as the team dynamic is closer to a work relationship forced to bear results, than a spiritual bond to max out all corners of understanding as found in the partnership system. The old Shibuya system allowed only 1 winner and 1 week limit per game, while the new rule declares for a 1 winning team and only the team at last place will be erased – the other teams will enter another loop. Furthermore, whichever team to challenge the unwinnable Ruinbringers will face the risk of ending up dead last followed by erasure. As a result, the longest-standing teams are most likely not the strongest ever recorded, but the ones who have figured out a strategy to simply survive until something changes, enjoying their newly found social constructs while they are at it. Basically, it is a system to hypnotise players into the illusion that they are still “living”.

Therefore, we as players would not get to the core of each Player individually as fast and directly as we did in the last game. The Twisters were able to stand out not because they’re powerful, they only started to have a real chance after growing enough to each form a meaningful and personal connection to another teammate. It did not come as a team, nor did it intiate from the existing friendship between Rindo and Fret. In fact, I did not find much solidity or anything truly note-worthy about the main team and new characters within themselves until they started clashing with other team members, Reapers and new recruits from week 2 onwards. Rindo found his personal development with Shoka (via a clash with Motoi and pretty much a mini dating sim between them), then via the confrontation of his role with Neku; Fret found his with Kanon then Nagi, the team learned about the real Neku via Beat, Neku entered the UG via Coco’s wish to save Tsugumi… it was not the team but their personal links that empowered them to fight and solve each of their problems.

The other team leaders may have failed because they did not form such personal links, after 30+ hopeless loops Fuya’s team all fell apart to pursue their own interest even at the cost of erasure, Motoi quit his KOL façade to work like a dog for the Reapers (probably to save just his own ass not his team), while Kanon dropped her tricks to find changes via honest cooperation in acceptance of a fair loss. The despairing note in that is huge without making much of a scene because their failure didn’t happen at their best effort to “win”, but in their last attempt to find a way “out”. Even Shiba got his way “out” in the end thanked to his personal friendship with Hishima and Tsugumi.

Something has shifted in the mindset of the game creators in the last 14 years, as both games are about “connection vs individuality” but the last game focuses more on connection between just individuals and this one on the overall network that is formed out of those individual connections.

The introduction of Beat into the main cast was truly the bridge between old and new, they helped each other out in several turns before officially recruiting him. Beat is a character whom a lot of fans including myself have felt somewhat concerned about after Neku disappeared from the RG, so when the new kids welcomed Beat with warm and organic interaction and Beat seemed happy, I started to feel like I wanted to help them out too! I think the overall team chemistry is enjoyable enough for new players, but I could warm up to the new kids more from the pov of a returning character – whom I’m glad to be Beat, as the older brother figure who is genuinely kind, fun, serious and upbeat at the same time; who is needed and needs the kids in return.

The social network is a fun and refreshing feature. You can read all of the crazy tidbits about Shibuya and the links each character have formed with the town people, it’s also fun to visualize how the characters act off screen. Characters’ profiles provide extra insight into their background too, like how it reveals Tsugumi has been friend with Coco during her time in the RG. During the game when not all characters have showed up, you can sometimes guess which empty spot will belong to whom. For example there is a 1 character linking to Neky that is not linked to anyone else, so I could guess that was Joshua, and that another character linking only to Joshua was probably Hazuki, hinting that the 2 Composers are related before either of them even showed up.

Hazuki only showed up for 5 minutes, but his presence is so vital and true to the game that I think he is the most memorable out of the new cast. The two Composers have such an intriguing bond, with their yin/yang or phoenix/dragon themes, opposite color design, the sempai/kouhai tone and the way they keep some sort of distance/work relationship as if it’s mandatory between Higher beings, yet at the same time they can talk so casually because they are truly equal – and different from one another. I have written a separate meta on them here.

Some people pointed out, that all Shinjuku characters’ names and themes are based off Hanafuda cards and the Phoenix in Hanafuda belongs to the Paulownia suit – which is Joshua’s name flower. This is so interesting because it feels like the creators somehow saw it as a sign to interweave the Shibuya and Shinjuku storylines together. Though it doesn’t come out much on the surface, it’s fascinating nonetheless considering both Josh and Haz had at some point interfered with the other town’s affairs.

“Shibuya tour with Haz” was such a special scene, as it happened between 2 characters who do not/no longer have a reason to care about Shibuya, on the subject of what is worth saving about Shibuya. Hazuki carried out the purification of Shinjuku and stepped in to restore Shibuya just as part of his job and unlike Hanekoma or Joshua who both possess profound understanding of humanity, he really didn’t know humans at all. Rindo’s irrational wish invoked in him a sense of curiosity, to try gambling on something irrationally and learning a bit of what his senior have experienced. With all the pieces put together, it provides an overview on Higher beings as a whole, and that Joshua and Hanekoma are really the odd ones out with Hazuki being somewhere in between them and the rest.        

The old friends

It’s easy to have returning characters overshadow the new cast as they have already matured out of their personal story arc and stayed in our hearts for all this time. In the end, I have managed to enjoy both the old and new cast separately and altogether, and they will both find their own place in our memory of this game for the long term.

Sho is truly as crazy as ever, the game wouldn’t be the same if Sho is any less of what he is. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like Neky or Beat is younger than Nagi at all, with moments when it seems like Neky has aged 14 years instead of 3 years. His friendship with Coco surprised me pleasantly, and their interaction together with Beat was fun to watch. Rhyme’s found a new dream and her friendship with Kaie is precious too, especially considering that she can still talk to him online after the game ended. Josh and Neku’s interaction suggested that they have resolved the past and are on equal terms now, they even parted ways in good spirit and I don’t feel any worry about them like I did before.

Neku and Shiki’s reunion scene was beautiful, theirs is such a special bond that it has grown and supported them even without being able to see each other. I am so happy to see them all again and that they stay true to who they are, albeit looking more grown up, cooler and happier than ever before.  

Overall, NEO can’t become a classic on par with the OG, but is definitely a good sequel and a good game in its own rights. I’m happy with whether or not there will be a 3rd game to complete the 3 monkeys theme, but if there will be – I hope the creators can really find the time to learn from the last 2 games and start over with a fresh mindset and strong core.  

[mirageofadesert]

Interpretation of and Appreciation for BTS Jimin’s “Filter”: lyrics & performance, and it's relation to art

(or: How Filter helped me survive on stan Twitter)

This is my interpretation of the possible meaning(s) of Filter (song and performances) with added rambling why I love this song so much and how it helped my keep my sanity in the insanity that is stan twitter. But I also want to talk about interpreting BTS’ art in general. So when I say "this is what Filter is all about", I’m always mean "this is what I think" - why I emphasize this distinction here, will hopefully become apparent by the end of the post. 

Interpretation: Put a Filter on my Soul

On a surface level Filter is a seductive, alluring and sexy song, however, there are multiple layers of meaning intertwined in lyrics, vocal style and music. If you consider its placement within the order of the album, Filter is on the "darker" (Shadow) side of Map of the Soul: 7. Jimin's live performance perfectly reflected this complexity of meanings.

A quick summary: The album talks about the relation between persona, shadow, and ego (skipping anima) according to Jungian psychology. While these aspects are part of the personality itself, filters are attributions or projections from other people onto people. Thy lyrics seem to allude, that one can’t control others people perception of oneself. Still, the song is playfully encouraging us to use these filters. By doing so, the narrator of the song regains a different kind of control over their public image. Therein – in my opinion – lies the empowering message of the song.

Another meaning is how BTS and Jimin can empower us as fans:

Your face that finds it dull, the tip of your toe that finds it boring Please look at me nowPut your cellphone down, don’t even think about turning your head Let me know your typeYou can pick and use one of me, yeah

Jimin - as the narrator - addresses the listener directly. They seem bored and stare at their mobile phone. He asks them to focus all their attention on him. The lyrics are seductive. The narrator continues to ask to choose and use "one of me". I think, that this mean filters, but it could also mean that these filters are part of the persona(s).

Oh, I place my hands onto your eyes Oh, I come closer to the secret I will bring you to a completely new world Yeah, open your closed eyes now, go!

The song now leads us very figuratively into a new, secret world. The seductive tone becomes more and more pointed. The interaction between Jimin and the listener has gone from "looking" to a more physical level. Music and vocal style reinforce this sensual experience. Open your eyes!

Mix the colors in the palette, pick your filter Which of me do you want Will change your world, I’m your filter Apply to your heart

We are now asks you to select a (colorful) filter. This could mean an aspect of his perceived personality. He seems to hand over control to the listener, they decide how he appears. Again he asks to use him, this time on one's own heart. This is reminiscent of RM's speech, in which he asked ARMY to use BTS. It is something BTS has been quite vocal about; Jimin himself have stated, multiple times, how he wants to make music that comforts and heals people.

(OK) What do you think, are you getting the idea? Is it not enough yet?(Yes) Girl you have your chance I can be your Genie How bout Aladdin? I will become anything for you You can pick and use one of me, yeah

Things are getting more intense. Jimin promises to be whatever the listener wants and desires. Yet, the way Jimin offers himself is rather bizarre. It is intentionally too much. This is made clear when Jimin sings: "Is it not enough yet?" Then take more, use him more. The tension of the song increases as it slowly becomes clear how twisted this invitation is.

Look at me who turned into a child all of a sudden The more you look, the cuter I am, like crazy Neither tastes nor standards matter in front of me You become to want me and only me Yeah, because it’s you who made me

The filters are part of Jimin's public persona, part of his image, just like "cutey, sexy lovely". But these filters are not created by Jimin, they are projected onto Jimin by fans. It is the fans' distorted view of Jimin – it’s you who made me. So cute that he even becomes like a child: "turned into a child all of a sudden" reminds me of the recent discussion we had about the infantilization of idols.

Jimin as the “narrator” of this song is aware of these filters, but he still encourages us to use them. Filter could be read as an empowering song, because Jimin admits, that he has no control over the projections onto his person. This could include positive attributions as well as criticism and hate. Even if we as fans mean well, all our perspectives remain only filters that we put on him. These filters say more about us than they do about him. But they are also there for us, helping and comforting us.

Jimin himself was rather vague about what Filter is about. He stated, “Filters can be the things within a camera application, or social media, but it can also mean people’s perspective or prejudice.” I feel like he leaves it open for fans interpretation on purpose. In the promotion for BE, he also answers with “Filter” when as was asked “Which BTS song makes you feel the most ‘you’?”

When I first heard the song I was really surprised by the Latin vibe. I had accidentally stumbled on a leaked description of the song a couple of hours before the release, but was sure they were lying. His voice, the guitar, the background harmonies and ad lips made me fall in love instantly. Jimin's voice sound so different during those parts, because he switches vocal styles so much, that some fans (at first) were even convinced the ad lips were done by someone else. Maybe the reason for this does not only lie in the arrangement of the song and is a stylistic choice, but is musically giving us different versions of Jimin as well. While being relatively short with 3:00 min, it feels even shorter to me. The more or less abrupt ending leaves you wanting more – which perfectly fits its lyrics and meaning. It’s a good song for looping – not that I would ever commit such a heinous crime! (#streamFilterto400M)

Performance

The performance explores these themes, I mentioned so far, but adds further levels of meaning. Filter could be seen as not being defined by one thing - be it cloth, gender expression or contradicting images.

On one level, Jimin switches clothes like filters. Some he chooses himself, some are given to him by others (his dancers). All the cloth are mainly black or white and none of them stay on for long. Finally, Jimin completely disposes of these clothes and appears in a bright red or purple suit. While the dancers had previously surrounded Jimin and seemingly controlled his movements, Jimin now leads the dance with his alluring movements and the dancers follow. For me the stage is a lot about taking binary opposites, emphasizing the contrast but finally finding balance.

Jimin's performance is mesmerizing. He could have been easily overshadowed by the many props and background dancers or the stage could have been messy, but his performance (dance, vocals, expressions and his ability to emote a story) makes it easy for the audience to center on him and only him. It’s not my favorite choreography, but maybe my favorite performance by him (Lie ftw!).

Art and Interpretations: Adding Filters

Art is made to be interpreted by the recipients. There is never the “one true” meaning of art, but it is subjected to varieties of meanings, that not only include the messages of the artists themselves, but what a diverse audience attributes or projects onto art is valid as well. BTS make art. Filter – song and stage – is art. But there is a line between interpretation of art and a psychoanalysis attempt of the artists behind it. Filter is an artist’s expression of Jimin and other collaboration artists (e.g. choreographer, lyricists, producers, make-up artists, stage design, backup dancers and more) – it’s not an expression of Jimin's “soul”. What I'm trying to say is, that BTS makes art, with messages that should be interpreted, but it still does not mean, we actually learn anything about the artist themselves. We have seen why that difference is important, in the discussions after Map of the Soul On:e, where some fans went too far, by saying that Jimin was coming out as nonbinary.

Takes like this article “How Park Jimin of BTS Helped Me Feel Seen in My Brown, Queer Body“ from a while ago are valid, but are also our interpretation of the song and our projections onto Jimin! Every interpretation is basically another "filter" fans create. They reveal more about us, than about the thing we try to interpret.

Here are some more interpretations, I had bookmarked on Twitter:"genderfluidity", "pleasing others", "Gender expression", "in relation to Lie", "Illecebra and Arcane" and "Filter Dance Analysis Thread". I don’t personally agree with them, put that is not significant. It shows a variety of perspectives that art can provoke.

What my interpretation tells you about me

One thing, that weighs on me is how fan narrative have distorted our views of BTS members, here Jimin. Be it from YouTube introduction videos, fanfiction characterization, shipping conspiracy theories, resentful or hateful defamation, over the top infantilization, victimization and more – fans project all kind of images and ideas onto BTS and believing they are true. This can be quite frustrating at times. But in my interpretation of Filter, Jimin understands that this is just what it is – projections of others. He distances himself from those, in a way saying that it does no longer bother him. But this is just speculation. For me, seeing him maybe meaning this, is helpful in navigating the insanity that are kpop fan spaces. It helps me cope with the baseless hate and negativity against BTS I come across on a regular.

[stellocchia]

There is one thing I sometimes mention in my rants about c!Dream’s and c!Tommy’s relationship that I never expanded on, which is c!Dream assiging c!Tommy an almost divine value, well, that changes now! 

Turns out I just cannot write short and concise analysis it seems, so I put everything under the cut...

/rp

I’ve talked a few times before about how Dream in his mind gives Tommy added value (again, Tommy has value as a human being already, but Dream most definitely doesn’t see that), but I want to go a bit more in depth about it. 

So, we know by now that Dream has been obsessing over Tommy for quite a while now, though it really worsened with the beginning of season 2. 

It is important to note that, at that point, Tommy himself was back on the idea of there being a friendly rivalry between him and Dream for the disk that was still in Skeppy’s possession, nothing more then that. He most definitely didn’t hate Dream yet (although their relationship has always been complicated) and he shouldn’t have posed much of a threat to Dream, right?

We also all seem to recognise that Dream would not have let up until Tommy was exiled, but I haven’t seen many people discuss the WHY of it. Why was it so important to him? Did he just do it because he hated Tommy? Did he do it because he was bored and wanted chaos? 

Well, I think it’s because Tommy DID pose a threat to Dream. He WAS a threat to Dream because Dream had seen him during Pogtopia. He had seen him rally the troops, he had seen him keep people’s morale high even after Wilbur detonated the tnt and Techno released the withers, he knew what Tommy could do if Dream threatened L’Manburg while he was there, even while not being president (I mean, he still managed to lead a revolution against Schlatt even while never being the official leader). And Dream wanted to get rid of L’Manburg because of what it represented, because L’Manburg represented freedom from him, freedom from his rules. L’Manburg was a HUGE problem, so he needed to take out what kept L’Manburg together and that was Tommy.

But that’s not the only thing. If Dream only wanted Tommy out of the way, he could have just let him unalive himself or he could have killed him himself and pretended it was an accident. Heck, he could even have pushed for an execution in the first place instead of the exile! But he didn’t... and later on, during the Season 2 Finale, he outright refused to kill Tommy even in self defence. So for Tommy to have so much importance that Dream needed to keep a constant eye on him in exile and keep him alive, Dream’s mentality of Tommy being sort of the “key” to power must have already been in place when he formulated the exile plan (perhaps it was there from before then, but we can’t know this for certain). 

I mean, he also ordered a whole prison that could have been meant to hold Tommy from the start (it has been confirmed by Sam out of character that it was made with c!Tommy in mind and the only indication that it wasn’t comes from c!Dream in a converstaion with c!Tommy, which we really shouldn’t trust at all) and a curious thing to notice on that, if that was the case, is that the prison itself is called “Pandora’s Vault”, why calling it “vault”? A vault is something that’s supposed to hold valuable items. It’s supposedly a secure location where you hide away your most precious things. Why calling a prison that? Anyway... that was just an interesting tid-bit I’ve been thinking about. 

Back on the main tangent now! 

So, what does Dream think of Tommy exactly? 

“Listen Tommy, since you joined the server, you’ve been a headache! Okay? You’ve brought war, you brought terrorism, you’ve brought bad everything! But! But! The cause of all the wars, of everything, was attachment, alright? Your attachment to the disks, your attachment to Henry, to pets, to friends, to land, to countries, to items, right? (...) That’s- That’s the one good thing that you’ve done. The one good thing you’ve done is that you brought attachment to the server. So it took me a LONG time to realize how important attachment was, but, when I did, you know? It made me stronger, and I realised that you- you’re- you’re important, right?”

This is a quote directly taken from the season finale. I know it’s a long one, but it’s seriously important. Because Dream, with this quote, just asserted that Tommy is the reason attachments exist at all, even if that isn’t true of course (the whole disk war was kickstarted by Ponk getting mad when Sapnap retaliated to his prank by burning down Ponk’s lemon tree because he was attached to it), but to Dream it is. 

Tommy, a normal human teenager with no “main character powers” (you know, like being a life and death god, or silk-touch hands, or having the brains to create nukes or being able to bring yourself back to life out of spite, basically he has nothing normally considered “special”) is deemed the reason why people are able to care at all. THAT is the added value I’m talking about. Dream doesn’t see Tommy as Tommy, he never did, he sees him as his own idealized version of him. And in Dream’s mind Tommy has so much importnace that, without him, attachments would just stop existing. “How do we know that” you ask? Well, why else would Dream have been so adamant about needing Tommy ALIVE? He already did his thing if bringing attachments was all the value Dream assigned to him. Now attachments exist, surely Dream can get rid of Tommy, right? Well, no. Because, as I said, to Dream Tommy is the embodiment of attachments. 

I mean, he admitted so in that quote, didn’t he? He starts by telling Tommy that HE is the cause of everything: of war, of terrorism, of everything. But then, then he says that those same things are caused by attachments. How can we have both be true at the same time? Easy, make Tommy the concept of attachment personified!

“If I can control the things people are attached to, then I can control the server again!”

All we said before kinda puts this more in perspective. THAT’S why Dream is in constant need of controlling Tommy. If Tommy is the embodiment of attachment in Dream’s mind, then he is the embodiment of control and power as well. Because, if controlling a singular attachment gives you control over one singular person, then controlling the embodiment of everyone’s attachments gives you control over the server right? 

“Look, it’s not fair! But Tommy listen: I need you, okay? I need you to keep bringing attachemnt to the server, because without you people weren’t really attached to things, but then you came and you brought ‘friendship’ and ‘countries’ and ‘things’ people can be attached to, right? And you brought that! And you’re- you’re the KEY, right? You’re the key to unlock the full potential of the server and power and everything”

Can’t get much more obvious then this... Dream literally described Tommy as “the key to everything”, that’s A LOT of extra value put on a random 16 yo. It would be a lot of value for ANYONE to have. In case it wasn’t clear, what Dream is saying is that controlling Tommy basically makes you a God. And, if it wasn’t clear enough yet, let me grab a quote from Tommy’s 3rd canon death stream:

“Tommy your life is literally IN MY HANDS, does that piss you off? Does that make you mad? Does it make you soo mad that I- you can’t kill me... I MIGHT AS WELL BE A GOD TOMMY! You can’t kill me and I can kill you!”

So, here’s the thing: killing Tommy is not that hard. A LOT of people on the server are stronger then him, even with the same equipment. At the same time killing Dream IS very hard. He’s literally one of the 2 best pvp-ers on the server. So why would this situation make Dream a “God”? Well, that’s because, based on his own philosophy, having Control over Tommy is what makes someone a God (it’s what gives you power over everything after all) and he here is fully in control. Not only because phisycally he is the stronger one, but also because Tommy admitted himself that he can’t kill Dream (Dream may wrongly assume that that’s because Tommy still has some attachment to him, which gives him another layer of control, truth is he’s just not much for killing people, the kid got too much empathy), which means he’s in control of Tommy’s mind and emotions as well to a certain degree. 

And here’s the thing: wouldn’t Tommy need to be somewhat godly himself to be the ONE THING that can grant people the ability to become a God? Dream, by now, has elevated Tommy to a point where Tommy himself might as well be God. That’s why Dream was so eager to become immortals together, to study the powers that make Dream now think even more that he is a God, together, because, in his mind, they’re already on the same level, albeit in a very skewed way (and I say a “skewed way” because Dream still doesn’t see Tommy as a person, he still sees him as a tool, only he is a tool that grants people godlyhood apparently). 

My theory on why c!Dream has this kind of perception of c!Tommy is because Tommy is his only remaining attachment. Dream got rid of all his attachments in order to gain absolute power, so he has to somehow justify to himself why this one particular attachment still doesn’t make him weak. Why still hanging onto Tommy (albeit in the most scewed up way possible) actually makes him stronger. He needs Tommy to be something more then a random 16 yo he once picked a fight with.

@ladycatland pretty sure you’d be interested

[jlalafics]

"The Long Weekend"-Part One

Happy belated birthday @keelaree!

Hope you enjoy this first part. Thank you for being such a wonderful part of my writing life, and an even better friend. Can't wait till we can reunite in SF, so we can tea time together and eat soup dumplings.

Love you!

Summary: Two assistants who barely tolerate each other. One snowy cabin. One very long weekend.

Oh, and one bed.

-----

“I’m making the turn now, Haymitch,” Peeta told his boss as he navigated the icy road. “Should have everything prepped and ready by the time you and Effie arrive.”

“Thanks,” Haymitch replied over the speakerphone. “I should tell you that I did ask for someone to help you out. Someone who knows Effie better than I do sometimes—”

Peeta slowed his car as he spotted the cozy cabin in front of him. However, he grimaced seeing the red Jeep already parked on its side.

“You didn’t.”

“Peeta, Katniss knows Effie very well,” his boss said calmly. “Just like you know me. I know that you two don’t get along—”

“Understatement of the year,” Peeta replied as he parked roughly.

“This is important. I’m proposing to Effie and I want it to be perfect,” Haymitch explained. “Katniss knows all the foods she likes to eat, and how to decorate the place to make it comfortable yet romantic. Effie and I are finishing up our meeting with Mr. Snow then we’ll be making our way up to the cabin for the holiday weekend. I’ll call you when we’re on our way so you and Katniss can take off—that is if you haven’t murdered one another by then.”

“I’m only doing this because I’m your assistant,” he called out.

“You could at least like me!” Haymitch joked. “I pay you an obscene amount for an assistant.”

“Katniss probably gets paid more.”

“Well, she picks up tampons for Effie without being asked so probably.”

“Everything will be ready by the time you get here,” Peeta promised. “And I’m doing this because I like and respect you.”

“Thank you, Peeta. Call you soon.”

++++++

Peeta Mellark sighed as he stepped out of his car, bags in hand. The snowy wind picked up and he wrapped his parka tighter around himself before rushing up to the porch. It was getting worse up here, and he hoped that the soon-to-be engaged couple would make it safely.

Getting out the key that Haymitch lent him, Peeta unlocked the door and quickly stepped in to keep the cold air from entering with him.

“Oh, you’re finally here.” Katniss Everdeen sailed into the room, placing a charcuterie board on the coffee table in the center of the sitting room. “I thought you died or something.”

Peeta gave her a wry smile, placing the bags on the floor before shaking off his parka and hanging it on the hook by the door.

“Thought or hoped?” He searched his bag before pulling out the champagne that Haymitch asked along with the two glasses. Going to the table, Peeta placed them on the table before going back to the bag for the champagne bucket. “Is there ice?”

“The fridge has an ice machine,” Katniss informed him tersely, nodding her head towards the left. “I’ve already gotten their dinner started.”

“Not surprised.” Peeta walked into the kitchen, heading to the stainless-steel fridge. “You’re so anal that you’ve probably carved those little radish flowers for garnish.”

“They’re in the fridge so they’ll be fresh.”

Peeta wasn’t sure why they didn’t get along.

For one, Katniss was admittedly attractive with her long dark, and almond-shaped grey eyes. The first time he saw his stomach had definitely done a little flip. She had been walking alongside Effie, notebook in hand, wearing a fitted black dress with a peter pan collar and paying scant attention to anything else around her.

She literally knocked him to the ground.

Katniss had apologized, holding out her hand to help him up.

And Peeta had fucking tingled at her touch.

Over the next few days as he learned the ropes of being Haymitch Abernathy’s assistant, Peeta noticed her across the hall. Effie Trinket’s office was directly adjacent to his boss’ and Katniss’ desk was in the same spot as his.

She kept her head down, never acknowledging him, so wrapped up in her work or answering her phone.

So, Peeta asked around.

“She’s an ice queen,” Cato, who was in Marketing, informed him. “Never wants to hang out with anyone or even join in during happy hour. It’s important here to form relationships with everyone. Panem Industries is all about workplace harmony and Katniss embodies none of that.”

“Yeah, she’s snooty, too,” Clove from IT added. “I once asked her something about her family and she replied that it was none of my business. Like I was just trying to get to know her!”

“Wow. I guess if Katniss is that much of a head case, then I shouldn’t bother to ask her for help,” he told the two.

After that, during any interaction, she treated him indifferently…cold even. Peeta couldn’t help but be disappointed that Cato and Clove’s words were true.

And that was the end of his fascination with Katniss Everdeen.

“You want to get out here and help me or was the ice machine too hard for you to maneuver?” Katniss suddenly called out.

Peeta quickly filled the bucket and stepped out.

Katniss was bent over the couch, arranging the pillows, and he felt a heat rush through his skin.

There was also the slight twinge in his crotch at seeing a firm apple-bottom in tight ski pants.

It seemed that Katniss Everdeen had a bigger effect on him than he realized.

++++++

Peeta Mellark had a huge effect on her.

Katniss struggled to keep the heat off her cheeks as she fixed the pillows that she bought for the cabin. Effie loved those cheesy sayings, so she went on Etsy and ordered custom-made pillows with her favorite quotes.

No one should spend so much time arranging pillows, but Katniss could feel his stare on her. It made her nervous…and tingly.

However, these feelings didn’t belong—especially in a work situation and she needed this job.

Taking a breath, Katniss turned…to find Peeta right behind her.

He jumped back, startled by her abrupt movements.

Whoa—was he checking her out?

“Why were you so close?” she blurted out.

“Sorry. It looked like you were confused about how pillows worked,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “You were there for a millennium.”

“Funny.” She sighed at the amusement in his gorgeous blue eyes—stop it!—and steeled her expression. “Do you think you could help me set up this romantic dinner for our bosses instead of standing there like an ass-licker?”

“You mean asshole.”

“I stand by my words,” Katniss replied and was surprised when he chuckled, his eyes crinkling as he did. She couldn’t help but let her mouth rise. “The table is in that closet next to the door. I got some table linens from a vintage shop that Effie likes last week.”

“Wow, you’re really on top of it,” Peeta remarked, going to the closet. “How do you have time for a life?”

She didn’t.

As in, Katniss didn’t have a life.

She had work, she had a home, but a social life was non-existent. Katniss knew what everyone said about her; that she was cold and distant, never wanting to be part of the team. It never bothered her because she did have her reasons.

So, she was surprised at how hurt she was when she heard Peeta call her a headcase.

Katniss hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, only passing the breakroom to get to the copy machine. However, she stopped at the mention of her name.

Cato’s words were no surprise, though he failed to mention that her iciness was due to him inappropriately putting his arm around her and telling her that they should get to know each other on a personal level. Katniss also didn’t trust Clove for shit; she was the office gossip.

It hit hard to know that the one person who had made her tingle was so easily influenced by two douchebags.

Katniss had decided, then and there, that if Peeta didn’t see past her exterior, then he must be like the rest of them.

“I’m very organized,” she replied. It came out harder than she intended. “I have to be.”

Peeta had already set up the table in front of the fireplace.

“Well, it’s in your favor,” he told her. “You’re a good assistant.”

Katniss looked up in surprise. “You think I’m a good assistant?”

Peeta snorted. “Like you didn’t know it—where are the tablecloths?”

She handed him a beautiful fuchsia tablecloth followed by a cream lace one.

“Fuchsia first then layer it with the lace,” she told him. “I always hope I am. Effie is a great boss and she’s so supportive about work-and-homelife balance. I want to make sure this is all perfect for her.”

Katniss helped Peeta straighten the cloth, smoothing it down and making sure that there were no wrinkles. They settled into a light conversation about working with their respective bosses while setting the rest of the table. While Peeta worked on the place settings, he told her about how he admired Haymitch’s down-to-earth attitude despite being one of the most successful people in the company.

She arranged the florals in the center of the table while telling him how she had worked two jobs prior to getting this one.

“I was a waitress and housekeeper before this,” she revealed. “I was working a crazy lunch rush when I met Effie. We got to talking because she noticed how I met her coffee exactly the way she liked it despite my ragged expression—her words not mine. Effie kept on coming in, and a month after we met, she offered me the assistant job. Said she like my gumption.”

“That’s really cool,” Peeta said. He set down one of the forks he was cleaning and met her eyes. “You know, this is the first time we’ve really talked. I kind of believed you thought of me as your enemy.”

“I thought the same thing.” Katniss placed a folded napkin on the plate in front of her. “You called me a head case.”

His blue eyes widened, shocked at her words. Slowly, she could see in his eyes, the memory of his words.

“I didn’t know you heard that,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean it and I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine!” Katniss stood up abruptly. The pain of his words churned in her stomach. “I know that everyone talks about me. In my defense, Cato was completely inappropriate when we first met. I thought acting like a bitch would stave him off. Clove has no filter—”

Peeta’s brows furrowed at her sudden coldness.

“I realize that now—one year later…is that why you completely ignore me? Why you act like the sight of me makes you sick?”

“I do not!” Katniss cried out into the room. “You avoid me at all costs!”

“Because the one time that I attempted to ask you a question—you brushed me aside!” he shouted. “If you had bothered to talk to me, I wouldn’t have believed what people said in the first place—” Peeta’s phone rang, and he quickly picked up, seeing his boss’ face on his screen. “Haymitch? You on your way? What? No, I haven’t looked outside—”

Katniss rushed to one of the front windows, pulling back the curtain.

White everywhere.

She couldn’t even see her car and it was bright fucking red!

“They’re not coming.”

Turning, Katniss found Peeta putting his phone in his pocket as he approached.

“The snowstorm came unexpectedly, and the roads are blocked. They’re staying at Effie’s to wait it out while we…are stuck here until it passes.”

++++++

The good thing was that the house was fully equipped. Food was stocked in the fridge since the couple had planned to stay for the long weekend. Both he and Katniss had even brought Haymitch and Effie’s luggage so there had clothing.

“Well, dinner must be ready,” Katniss informed him with a sigh. “If you want to get more comfortable, you can probably change to something of Haymitch’s. I have a call to make before my phone dies and then I’ll pull the food out of the oven.”

Peeta nodded numbly, grabbing Haymitch's duffle and going to the opposite open door where the bedroom was. He tossed the bag on the bed—

The one bed.

Turning, he rushed out of the room to look for his female counterpart. “Katniss!” He found the sitting room empty and headed into the kitchen.

“Yes, I’ll be fine,” she spoke quietly into the phone. “Just be nice to Johanna, okay? I’ll be home soon.” Her voice sounded completely different, light and happy—even affectionate. “I love you, too. Good night.”

He knocked on the archway and she turned to him.

“We have a problem,” he told her. “There’s only one bed.”

“And the couch is really just a loveseat,” Katniss mused as she pulled the food—steak with roasted asparagus and potatoes. Her expression was pained, and she blew out a breath. “I don’t really want to think about this right now. Why don’t we just eat?”

Peeta quickly nodded in agreement, rushing to the sitting room, and grabbing their plates.

“Why don’t you let me set this up?” he told her, seeing how frazzled she seemed. “Have a seat. Open the champagne—”

Katniss laughed and the sound of her lightened the load on his chest.

“You trying to get me drunk, Mellark?”

Peeta smirked. “If it makes you like me, then yes.”

“Fine, fine…” Katniss sauntered off towards the doorway. She stopped at the archway and their eyes met. Her gaze was nervous, but he could see the warmth in her greys. “You’re not my enemy, Peeta. And…I like you more than you think.”

Katniss disappeared, but not before he spied the blush on her cheeks.

Peeta felt another twinge. This time—in his chest.

++++++

Instead of sitting at the table, Katniss grabbed Effie’s luggage, a classic Louis Vuitton that cost more than her old Jeep, and brought it to the bedroom.

The one bedroom. With the one bed.

A sudden image of herself spooned contentedly against Peeta in that very bed rose in her mind—

“Stop tripping off him!” she chided herself.

Distractedly, Katniss opened the bag, sorting for something remotely comfortable in her boss’ luggage. However, it looked like Effie was expecting some sort of kinky weekend. The only sleepwear she had was a tiny red number that Katniss would probably bust out of; Effie was a tiny but fierce woman.

Maybe she could borrow something from Haymitch’s pile—

“Katniss?”

“I’m coming!” she called out before stuffing Effie’s lingerie back into the back.

Walking back into the room, Katniss saw that Peeta had already placed the plates on the table. He stood waiting for her, looking obnoxiously handsome as he had the day they met.

That first time, she had knocked him to the ground so caught up in following with Effie’s rapid pace. When Katniss held out her hand to him, she was caught up in the open smile he gave her. Then it was the gold waves along his forehead, which Katniss desperately wanted to brush back and the blue of his eyes—they had a tinge of grey in them.

For a moment, she was just a girl, and he was just a boy. Peeta didn’t know anything about the rumors of her iciness or how someone like her, with no college degree, managed to get a position like hers.

In that moment, Katniss was pure.

“You alright?” Peeta asked, interrupting her moment down memory lane.

“Yes.” She let him help her into her seat. “I was just thinking about something.”

“Was it the one bed thing?” he joked. “I’m fine with sleeping on the floor—”

Katniss held her hand up. “Let’s be grownups. It’s a big bed and we can put a pillow between us.”

“Very to the point,” Peeta replied, holding up his champagne glass. “To being grown-ups.”

“To being grown-ups.” She clinked her glass to his and took a full gulp. The liquid bubbled through her, making her laugh. “Wow, that’s some good shit.”

Peeta guffawed. “We’re going to have some fun.”

END OF PART ONE

[drabbles-mc]

Burnt

Kozik x OFC (Tawnie Trager)

Inspired by Day 16 of the July Prompts: sunscreen

Part 2 can be found Here

Warnings: language

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: Me? Back at it again with another slice of life fic? It’s more likely than you think! In my head this takes place on the same day as my other SOA Beach Day fic Say Cheese but the stories exist separately from one another. Also, if you’re interested in this pairing you can check out these fics: X X

SOA Taglist: @garbinge​ @masterlistforimagines​ @adela-topaz-caelon​ @chibsytelford​ @mijop​ @xladymacbethx​ @i-just-read-stuff​ @jitterbugs927​ @kkim120​ @toni9​ @unicornucopia-fuckers​ @shadow-of-wonder​ @punkgoddess-98​ @paintballkid711​ @black-repunzel99​ @lexondeck​ @mrsstevenbuchananstark​ (If you want to be added just let me know!)

“Dad,” she aggressively shoved the bottle of sunscreen into his hand, “Dad just put it on.”

“No,” Tig tossed it over onto the towel, “I’m not putting that on. I don’t need it. I’ll be fine.”

Rolling her eyes, she picked the bottle back up. She squeezed a generous amount onto her hand and then proceeded to slap it onto his chest, “You’re tough but you’re not tougher than the fucking sun. Get over yourself.”

He groaned as he looked down at the mess of lotion that was on him now, “You fucking kidding me, T?”

“Nope,” she shook her head as she rubbed some into her own arms and legs.

Once she was done, she looked around to see who else was close. She loved all the boys in the club, but she would be the first to tell them all when they were being idiots. She was adamant about the whole sunscreen thing ever since they all decided to do a beach day together. The guys had given her shit about it at first, wondering when she became so concerned with those kinds of things, but when it came down to it the last thing they wanted was the pain that came from serious sunburn. So, most of them silently put some on, refusing to make eye contact with each other and acknowledge the situation.

“Kozik!” she called over to the man who was laying out towels for each of them.

His head whipped up, instantly looking over at her, “Yea?”

“You got some on?” she waved the bottle in his direction.

“Let him get burned,” Tig mumbled under his breath as he wiped away the last of the lotion that his daughter had caught him with.

Tawnie ignored the comment, shaking her head slightly as she waited for Kozik’s answer. He made his way over to her, reassuring her that, yes, he had put some on the second they got to the beach. He knew that there was no way she was going to let him get away with anything else, and she was the last person that he wanted to be pissing off.

“Can you get my back?” she asked as she handed him the bottle, pulling her hair out of the way.

“Um,” he could feel Tig’s eyes boring into him, “sure.”

Kozik silently prayed to whatever gods there were that Tig wasn’t going to pick him up and drown him in the ocean. He tried to focus on the task at hand, but he also wondered if that would make things worse. And she must’ve sense the tension, too, because she glanced back over her shoulder and looked at her father, eyebrows raised.

“You want him to get your back too, Dad?” she asked.

Kozik’s entire body froze up as he waited for the fallout. Surprisingly enough, Tig just sighed and shook his head before turning and walking down towards the water, “Those hands go below her shoulders and you’re a fucking dead man, Kozik.”

She chuckled quietly as he finished applying the sunscreen, “He’s full of it. You know that, right?”

“You sound pretty confident but I’m not so sure,” he chuckled as he closed the bottle and tossed it back into her bag.

“If he was going to kill you, he totally would have done it already.”

“That’s…that’s not as reassuring as you think it is.”

She laughed as she pressed her palms flat against his chest and pressed a light kiss to his lips, “Just relax. Who knows when we’re going to be able to all have a fun day together.”

“And what are you going to spend your fun day doing? Besides assaulting people with sunblock?”

She gave him a playful shove, “Shut up. I’m gonna go fucking swimming, duh. I haven’t been to the beach in ages,” she paused, tilting her head slightly, “What’re you gonna do?”

“Watch you swim,” a smirk crept across his face.

She couldn’t stop herself from laughing. It’d been an interesting, and slightly bumpy, road for the two of them to get to where they were at now. But she was happy about it, about him. And despite the constant pushback from her father, there was a certain type of ease and comfort that came from being with him. She knew that she wouldn’t have ever been able to be with someone who didn’t understand the type of life she lived, and no one understood it better than a man who was actually SAMCRO. But as she stood there looking at him, smiling with a few streaks of sunscreen still on his cheeks, he was more than just a guy from the MC. She never knew what it felt like to date someone who was your best friend until then.

She snapped herself out of her sappy thoughts with a shake of her head, “Don’t let my dad catch you leering.”

“I thought you said he was full of it?”

“I mean,” she laughed as she skipped off towards the water, “nothing is a hundred percent.”

He shook his head and watched her as she took off to go swim and cause whatever kinds of trouble she could manage to stir up along the way. Being with a Trager was a lot of things, but it was certainly never boring.

The afternoon sun was beating down on all of them. Most of them had found their way back to their chairs and towels and started digging into the food and drinks that they had brought with them. Tawnie was camped out on her towel, watching the volleyball game that was happening. Her father and Opie were pitted against Jax and Kozik, and to all of their credit it was shaping up to be a pretty competitive game. But she did notice the fact that Tig’s shoulders were getting redder and redder as the minutes went by—clearly he hadn’t put any extra sunscreen on except what she had forced on him. She shook her head silently, a smug smile creeping across her face. He’d have to learn the hard way, the way that he did with most things.

“Game point!” she called out before taking a sip of her beer.

“Better win this one for your girl, Kozik,” Jax quipped with a laugh.

She chuckled but she could see it on her father’s face that he was not at all amused by the comment. He dove, saving the ball from hitting the sand. There was now a new level of determination and desire to win. He never wanted Kozik to win at anything, but now there was an extra layer on top of it all.

The four of them were going back and forth for a while. Tawnie sat back, unable to hide the fact that she was incredibly impressed by them. Her eyes went wide when she saw Kozik jump up, spiking the ball down onto the other side of the net with an incredible amount of force. She couldn’t contain her laughter as she started clapping.

“Way to bring it home!” she beamed over at him.

“Lucky shot,” Tig said, already shaking his head.

Despite the tension that had been present during the game, once it was over everything went back to business as usual, which Tawnie was incredibly thankful for.

Tig was walking ahead, talking to Jax and Opie while she hung back with Kozik. She slipped her hand into his as they walked, smiles on both of their faces.

“You think it’s alright that I didn’t let him win?” he asked with a smirk.

She laughed, nodding, “It’s good for him. I’m thinking of it as karma for not using sunblock.”

“I think the blisters that are gonna be on his shoulders tomorrow will be karma enough.”

“Maybe,” she laughed, leaning against his side.

He glanced down at her, admiring her still-damp hair and the little patches of sand that were still stuck to parts of her stomach and arms. She looked so at home at the beach, and he had never felt more at home than when he felt her pressed up against his side.

“We should do this shit more often,” he said as they walked along the shore, waves lapping at their feet.

“Yea, well,” she chuckled, “When you guys take a break from your life of crime, we can do big family beach days whenever you want.”

“I’ll bring it up in church next time.”

She laughed, “Well,” she lifted their interlocked hands and kissed his knuckles, “you gotta let me know how that conversation goes.”

“If I live through it, you’ll be the first to know,” he smiled as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

The sound of Tig’s voice cut through the softness of their moment, “Hey! I said no hands below the shoulders!”

[a-clockwork-justice]

Everything I Love About Loser Geek Whatever

So, not too long ago, it was the third birthday of Loser Geek Whatever. Yes, I know the single was released on November 30th 2018 and its considered the song’s official birthday, but the 26th July three years ago was the first showing of the 2018 Off-Broadway revival of Be More Chill and the first time Loser Geek Whatever was shown to the world in any capacity. Therefore, I consider that day to be the song’s unoffical birthday and I’ve been waiting to write down everything I love about it so here I am. (This was originally gonna be posted on the 26th July but I can’t make anything concise so it took longer than that).

I’ve gone on and on about what Loser Geek Whatever means to me personally, how a slew of random chance introduce me to it, got me deep into Be More Chill, introduced me to 90% of my current friends, and overall up-ended my whole life, but now it’s time to dissect the song itself and why it’s so great. As much as I adore Loser Geek Whatever, it could’ve easily been any other song that threw me down a rabbit hole and that I could’ve latched onto- no, wait, it couldn’t have been, because Loser Geek Whatever is unique in that way. I did about a year of music at A-Level so I’m gonna delve into some of the technical aspects here too. I’m chronicling this mostly for myself so I am going as deep as I see fit because this song is a treasure hiding yet more treasures. If you happen to love Loser Geek Whatever as much as I do, this’ll be your goldmine.

So, grab a snack my fellow fans, because here’s a comprehensive list of everything to love about Loser Geek Whatever in roughly chronological order. Long post incoming:

The song starts off strong from the first millisecond - I don’t know what instrument(s) they used but just listen to the single version again - that opening chord blares at you like a siren. It calls for your attention, screaming this is incredibly important, and indeed it is. That chord, an F chord, has no indication as to whether it’s major or minor - it’s just the tonic F with its dominant C and another tonic F above it. In other words, it’s unresolved, it hangs in the air. From a narrative standpoint, Jeremy is at a crossroads, torn between giving into the SQUIP or staying loyal to Michael, and the music paints this. It has the same effect on both the single and album versions - I always hold my breath as it holds, it’s the gap in this crucial transition for Jeremy between who he was and him becoming something he isn’t.

To continue the thread of musical painting, the melody line contains the accidental E-flat which doesn’t belong to the key of F major. This once again illustrates Jeremy’s uncertainty, but there’s more - the whole introduction is a slowed-down version of the Apocalypse of the Damned theme from Two Player Game, arguably the point in the show when Michael and Jeremy’s relationship was at its strongest. Jeremy’s recalling everything he had with Michael, but the slowing down of the melody shows hesitancy, along with highlighting the accidental E flat. These latter points of course aren’t unique to Loser Geek Whatever - they’re also in the section of Upgrade that twins with Loser Geek Whatever. I’m just laying out why they work so well. 

I’m glad I waited until after I saw the show in London to finish writing this - I’m something of a Loser Geek Whatever purist, as made clear by my ire at them cutting it in half and tacking the end of Upgrade back on for the London version. I still enjoyed the show in London though and I’m glad I knew about this change ahead of time, because they did change something about the song that I think really worked - they added two notes in the bass to each bar, like heartbeats, which once again signifies Jeremy’s uncertancy and the importance of this major turning point.

It’s been firmly established by this point that Jeremy is a loser and he knows it. He doesn’t want to be a hero, he just wants to survive, but there’s a difference between that and feeling “inconsequential.” Jeremy is basically admitting that, in his eyes, it doesn’t matter to the world or anyone except Michael if he even survives or not. He’s not just a loser, or a geek - he’s a whatever, with no one caring who he is. And he’s felt this way for years - since middle school began. He’s now in his Junior year of high school - that’s five years of being in this state of being unnoticed at best and picked on at worst. He’s “the one who’s left out”. With just one little line, hell, one word, we’re given more layers as to why he so badly wants to change that.

Moving from the first verse to the chorus, we start to see Jeremy’s attitude shift, from being sad to being angry - he’s frustrated, resentful that he’s spent so long in this state (A lot of people have made similar comparisons about Will Roland’s Jeremy as a whole in relation to Will Connolly’s Jeremy and I think this song exemplifies that). He doesn’t deserve to feel this horrible - not now and certainly not for the next two years until he and Michael can be “cool in college.” When you think about it, what options does he really have? He could either give into the SQUIP or reject it and go back to where he was, still miserable and lonely. Yes, he has Michael and Michael is an amazing, kind, loyal best friend, but as many have pointed out, he’s also dismissive of Jeremy’s feelings of inadequacy whether he means to be or not, which only made Jeremy feel more lonely. Should Jeremy just expect to feel better about himself at some point before college? He’s waited for years, why would that happen at any other point?

More layers baby! Second verse, Jeremy rants on about his father’s advice about following his own instincts and how it’s gotten him nowhere he wants to be. Come to think of it, Michael’s advice about staying the same and waiting for their environment to change can be seen as similar - it’s arguably easier for Michael as he has two loving mothers who undoutably give him plenty of positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, Jeremy’s mother has left them, which likely instilled further feelings of not being good enough, and his father has fallen apart to the point where he can’t even put pants on, let alone step up to take care of his son, meaning that Jeremy likely isn’t going to take his advice very seriously, especially after it’s failed him so thoroughly. But to Jeremy, the problem isn’t necessarily the advice itself - it’s that it’s being followed by him. So now he’s going to turn around and put his life and every choice in something else’s hands, even if - no, especially if it goes against his own instincts. It still doesn’t feel quite right, it “feels bizarre”, but it’s getting him somewhere, so it has to be right in the most meaningful capacity, and to Jeremy, the “most meaningful capacity” is any capacity that isn’t his own.

Now the best line - the one about being a “normal, handsome guy”. Let’s get this on the table - Jeremy is trans. Will Roland himself said that he often thinks of the show’s young trans fans when he sings that line. Naturally, societal transphobia plus gender dysphoria would have a pretty catestrophic effect on the self-esteem of any growing teenager, even more so one in Jeremy’s situation for the reasons I’ve just laid out. He’s probably missed out on a lot of things that “normal” guys take for granted, with most girls barely looking in his direction, let alone in any positive manner. Jeremy’s own sexuality aside, it’s mostly society, and the SQUIP by extension, that considers scoring with girls to be a “manly” or masculine activity, and through Brooke treating him as dateable material, Jeremy feels better about fitting into society’s rules of how a man should be and act. This isn’t the only reason he feels good about Brooke finding him attractive, of course, but it’s just another layer that Jeremy sees more value in conforming to how society says he should be rather than in how he actually is.

I know I just said that the last point was about the best line, but honestly, there’s more than one best line in this song. The bridge is where we start to see Jeremy’s language becoming more technologically inclined - “prompt”, “command” and “bandwidth” are all terms used in computing and used to show how Jeremy is likening himself, or his intentions, to a computer, effectivly merging himself and his SQUIP into one entity and Jeremy willingly giving over his own individuality.

And HERE, we get to the kicker. I’ve talked a lot about layers throughout this whole essay, about themes and motifs building on each other. Jeremy is essentially peeling back the layers of his own situation and only finding reason after deeper reason after deeper reason as to why he should follow the SQUIP and not be a loser anymore. Now, he hits the core, the seed, the crux of it all - “The problem has ALWAYS BEEN ME!!” Everything he is, everything that makes Jeremy Heere himself, is and has always been wrong. This line is a gut punch and EVERYONE knows it - the performer always takes a few seconds to let it sink in before continuing.

As an aside, I wanna mention the differences between the single and the album versions of the bridge. The album version starts of quieter after the vocalising of the last chorus, and builds up to the climactic final line, while the single version is loud all the way through but gets even louder and punchier at the end. Both are good, but I personally prefer the single version - the album sounds like Jeremy is broken and desperate and on the verge of tears as he reaches his inevitable but ugly realisation. The single is also desperate, but it’s pleading and all-consuming and a THOUSAND times more powerful, I get chills every time I hear it. (Side note, the London version starts of loud like the single and ends quieter like the album, almost as if Jeremy is reluctant to admit what he truly believes about himself, and it’s easy to see why, it’s a damn harsh condemnation).

“Take a breath and get prepared” - Jeremy sings to both himself and the audience. The first half has been heavy and we need a breather. Yet just before he goes over the brink, he has second thoughts. His conscience, his own voice in his head, breaks through, warning him that his choice will have consequences for other people than himself. People will get hurt - Michael most of all. Not just by Jeremy ditching him; here’s something else - when Jeremy is the “cool dude”, he might end up being a bully to those who are losers just like him, cutting them down just as Rich’s SQUIP made Rich do to him. Who would be the perfect target for Jeremy’s potential future bullying? His former best friend and fellow loser, Michael Mell. It’s pretty damn likely that if the SQUIP hadn’t optic nerve blocked Michael, it would’ve told Jeremy to pick on him, and even though Michael has ostensibly been pretty good at brushing these things off before, the takedowns would hurt a LOT more coming from his former best friend - and we know this because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, granted without the SQUIP influencing Jeremy directly (also let’s just clear up that just because the SQUIP wasn’t on doesn’t mean its influence on Jeremy hadn’t disappeared - that’s not how emotional abuse works).

Twelve years of loyal friendship, of borderline unhealthy codependency … can he throw all that away for Christine, a girl he’s thus admired from afar and is only just starting to get to know as a person? Moreover, even if Jeremy gets Christine, what about himself, who he wants to be? He just wants to be something other than himself because he thinks that anything is better but … what? The cool dude, the hero or … whatever. He’ll take anything because he’s that desperate, but what about when he gets it? Will he finally be satisfied? Will it be worth failing his one real friend, an act so scummy that the only way he could possibly stomach it would be to somehow pretend he hadn’t done it?

But none of those questions matter to Jeremy now - he’s fully gaslit into believing that every thought and inclination that comes from himself is wrong and shouldn’t be followed. He needs to sync up with the SQUIP and the rest of the world and mute his own defective inner voice. When you think about it, the relationship between Jeremy and the SQUIP is one of the most intense abusive relationships ever put to fiction - we’ve seen emotional abuse and brainwashing before, but here, Jeremy is literally preventing from THINKING the wrong way because the SQUIP can detect his every thought. See what I mean when I say that doesn’t go away when the SQUIP turns off for a few minutes?!

Throughout all of this is the undercurrent of Jeremy wanting to get better. He’s been trying so hard for so long to have a better life, but nothing has worked. Not listening to his dad, not trying to get closer to Christine through theatre, and certainly not listening to Michael’s advice to wait until college. Why should he resign himself to even more time being miserable with no end in sight? After all, being cool in college isn’t a guarantee. After all he’s been through, it’s his turn to finally be cool, after an eternity of being someone he doesn’t want to be.

Another best line in this song - “I’m Player One.” As mentioned a few times in the show before, like in the Broadway upgrade, Jeremy feels lower even in his friendship with Michael - he’s Player 2 as the more experienced Michael is Player 1. As previously established, Jeremy admits that he’s “not the one who the story’s about.” Now he’s ready to finally take control of his life, be the main character and have good things happen to him, and that means cutting out Michael, the old Player 1. The irony here is that Jeremy is less like Player 1 and more like a video game avatar. In reality, the SQUIP is Player 1, making Jeremy do whatever it demands of him.

More best lines! The slew of insults towards the end serves not just as yet more gut punches for the audience but as a major catharsis for Jeremy - It’s telling that the insults get harsher as his rant goes on, from the “weirdo” to the “weakling freak” to the “failure” to the climactic “please don’t speak”. He’s unloading everything that he’s been carrying over the years, ripping out the bullets that have been embedded in his skin and re-opening all the wounds in the process, but he’s done with the pain and he’ll never ever let himself be hurt like that again, if he follows the SQUIP.

I’ve made a whole post about the significance of the best line “Please Don’t Speak” before so I’ll mostly be repeating a lot of what I said there because it’s been a while since that post and because I want to. Who would’ve said that to Jeremy? Probably not Rich or Chloe, it’s not like them. It had to have come from an adult in a position of authority that could’ve commanded Jeremy not to speak like that - one that apparently did so enough times for him to internalise those words like he did the others. (Even worse if it was more than one adult ...). Out of all of the insults, it’s easy to see how that can easily be the most scarring out of all of them - how would an adult let a child know they’re inadequate? By silencing them. Making it clear that their expression of self not only means nothing, but should be forcibly avoided. Put like that, it makes it much easier to see how and why Jeremy fell under the SQUIP’s influence so easily - telling it was hardly different from authority figures he’s experienced before. In even more sad irony, as Jeremy claims that he’s breaking free and letting go of his past as the “please don’t speak”, he’s just walking right into another, similar trap that he can’t easily escape from. The SQUIP literally vocal cord blocks him during The Play - if that doesn’t say “Please don’t speak,” what does?!

The climax is growing! The music shifts into the relative minor as Jeremy fully gives in to the SQUIP’s evil influence. This is the point of no return, the point where he’s literally being surrounded and overtaken - if you’ve seen this on stage or even just a bootleg, you’ll know what I mean, when the lighting shifts and the circuitry start closing in around him, it’s wonderful. The bass ascends, Jeremy declares once and for all that HE IS NOT THE LOSER, THE GEEK, OR WHATEVER, and he never will be again! As some have pointed out, the sequence of notes on the final “again” is the same as at the end of Be More Chill Part 2, except the last note is different. In BMC part 2, it goes further down by a minor third, but in Loser Geek Whatever, it rises up to the same note it started with. This foreshadows Jeremy’s fate - that he will eventually overcome the SQUIP and that he still has it in him to do so. Man, let me just point out how amazing that last belt is - it lasts for a full 15 seconds in a really high range and takes a LOT of control to bring it back up to the high B without breaking. This song really was written for Will Roland - his voice can pull it off seamlessly, but other actors and understudies have had to find workarounds. No disrespect to them, it’s a damn hard song and it kicks ass all the way through. Scott Folan apparently had trouble with it too, but on the day I happened to see him, he pulled it off without breaking, so props to him!

Overall, Loser Geek Whatever is my favourite song in Be More Chill and not just for its sentimental value to myself. It’s a genuinely deep, complex piece that earned every second of its six minutes. Loser Geek Whatever is definitely the missing piece the show needed - not only is it Jeremy’s solo song, it’s also his “I Want” song and, in a way, his 11 o’clock number all in one, as he’s having a major epiphany after going on a journey, albeit only half of one. It’s easy to see why Joe Iconis dubbed this his anti-Defying Gravity, but it’s also easy to draw parallels to No Good Deed - how both Jeremy and Elphaba vow to become something that society is forcing upon them rather than what they are, even if that society’s will is objectively worse for them. Loser Geek Whatever deserves a thousand times the recognition it has and I still wonder to this day what the fandom reaction would’ve been if it had been in the original soundtrack.

So, that was it. I’m not sorry it was this long.

TL;DR: Loser Geek Whatever is wonderful and anyone who doesn’t think so is wrong.