#but then like i’ve seen the same shit against russians so idk why i’m surprised

[forgetbeam]

i’m gonna be real if my grandmother can understand “the people of israel aren’t at fault for what their government/military is doing, in fact many of them are actively against it, and both israeli and palestinian people deserve to live in peace in their own homes” then idk why so many online leftists can’t grasp that same concept

[olly-olly-olly-olly]

Stars, Smokes, and Kisses

[harringrove drabble]

{death discussion, swearing, weed, homophobic language, discussion of abuse}

“Have you ever wanted to die?”

Steve looks at Billy, his mouth pulling into a frown. The two sit in silence, Steve’s mind rolling over the question.

“Yeah. I have.” He replies. Billy nods as if this confirms something he won’t share, takes a hit off the joint and then passes it over. Steve watched as the blond exhales the smoke, and he wonders why one boy has to be so fuckin’ gorgeous.

“Why?” Billy asks, his eyes looking at the starry sky. They’ve been sitting on the hood of his Camaro for nearly two hours, smoking and asking each other questions with a classic rock station playing quietly behind them. The quarry water glints in front of them, and Steve can feel the chill of the autumn air settling into his bones, but he ignores it. He doesn’t want to feel cold as he sits out here with Billy and learns about the way the woods feel when he’s not being chased by monsters—he wants to know how they feel when he’s not scared. And he’s not. Not when he’s with Billy.

“No, it’s my turn to ask you a question,” Steve says, and Billy rolls his eyes. He leans back against the car, placing his hands behind his head. He turns his face to Steve and smiles lazily.

“Ask away, pretty boy,” he winks and Steve ignores the way his chest heats up. He places the joint in his mouth and thinks for a moment.

“Have you ever wanted to die?”

Billy goes quiet and holds his hand out for the joint. Steve rolls his eyes and gives it back to the blond.

“‘Course I have, Harrington. Who hasn’t?”

“Alright, then,” Steve says. He brushes some hair from his face, and Billy’s ocean blue eyes (Steve sometimes wonders if they match that fabled ocean in California) track the movement. “What’s your question?”

“Why do you want to die?”

The question hangs between the boys, something tense and unresolved suddenly finding its way into their conversation.

“That seems a bit too personal, don’t you think, Hargrove?” Steve jokes. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t need to. He’s fine. Just fine.

“What if I tell you why I want to die first?” Billy says. Steve adjusts himself so that instead of facing the quarry’s beach, he’s facing Billy.

Billy looks like an angel in the moonlight, his curls pulled in a ponytail to stay off his neck and a small bracelet Max and El made for him after a hospital stay gleaming on his wrist. His blue eyes are hiding something, flicking over Steve’s face and into the star-studded sky behind him. His fingers are tapping the rhythm of Another One Bites The Dust along with the radio.

“Sure,” Steve says. “Okay.”

Billy nods, the joint dangling between his lips. The thing is almost gone; Steve reaches over and takes it, dropping it onto the ashtray placed on the ground strategically. Billy makes a face until Steve pulls out a pack of cigarettes and offers one.

When Steve goes to get his own cigarette, Billy’s hands reach out and grab his wrist gently. When he looks up at the blond with a questioning look, Billy shrugs and says, “We can share.”

Steve doesn’t say anything; he just slides the pack into his pocket and watches Billy light the one in his mouth.

“So.” Billy undoes the ponytail and starts fidgeting with the bracelet. “Why I want to die.”

“Apparently that’s what you wanna talk about, Hargrove,” Steve mutters. His skin is already crawling at what he’ll admit if Billy asks. He can already feel himself losing his defenses—it’s because of stupid pretty Billy and the stupid weed.

“Shut up, Harrington.” Billy rolls his eyes and takes a drag. “I wanna die ‘cause of my dad.”

“What d’ya mean?” Steve asks, taking the cigarette from Billy. He nearly shudders when he placed t between his lips; this paper has touched Billy in ways he could only dream of. Is he jealous of a cigarette?

“He beats me.” Billy says bluntly. “He doesn’t like that I’m a fag, that I like it up the ass. He doesn’t like that my hair is long or that I don’t always button my shirts and that I’m not a perfect older brother to Max. He just doesn’t like me. Hats why we moved out to this fuckwad of a town, y’know—my dad thought if he couldn’t beat the gay out of me, he could take us far away from any place where there might be any other homos.”

Steve blinks. Neil beat Billy? Sure, it wasn’t a huge surprise, but…what?

Then, another thing Billy said echoes in Steve’s head: “He doesn’t like that I’m a fag."

Oh my God. Billy’s gay.

“So?” Billy stares up at Steve through his lashes and plucks the cigarettes from his fingers. “Why does mister King Steve wish for death?”

For whatever reason, Steve still can’t formulate a coherent sentence. Billy is gay? Billy likes boys? His dad beats him? Does he tell Hopper about the abuse? Does he kiss Billy? God, he wishes he could pause the conversation and ask Robin. Then Robin again, for good measure.

“Hello? Earth to Harrington?” Billy is snaps his fingers and waves his hand in front of Steve’s face. “Are you still using that peanut-sized brain?”

“Oh, screw off,” Steve mumbles. Billy smirks, but it’s half-hearted and it’s clear he’s uncomfortable. Who wouldn’t be, after revealing all that to a guy he’s been friends with for two weeks?

“Spill the beans, Harrington,” Billy says. “Why do you want to die?”

“I’m lonely,” Steve blurts. “And it sounds pathetic but it’s true. Ninety-percent of my friends are, like, fifteen, and then the others don’t really like me and I don’t blame them. Then my fuckin’ parents, man—they don’t even want me working for them. They weren’t around when I was in elementary school, or in junior high, or fuckin’ high school. And then, when I couldn’t make it into their fucking college, they cut me off.” Steve flushes red and glanced at Billy. “Then those fuckin’ monster. Demodogs or whatever the hell they are. They gave me on fuckover in the head, Hargrove. I can’t sleep at night. I can’t go anywhere at night without my stupid bat. I can’t swim anymore. I can’t do anything anymore.”

Billy is quiet, and Steve’s heart starts beating faster. “But yeah,” he mumbles, pulling his thin jacket tighter. “That’s—that’s it.”

“Shit,” Billy mutters. Steve laughs dryly.

“Shit,” he repeats.

Billy hands him the cigarette. The song changes to something Steve has never heard before, but Billy clearly has; he’s tapping his foot against the air, watching Steve as he smokes.

“So,” Billy says, licking his lips. “Guess we’re both pretty fucked.”

Steve laughs. “Guess we are.”

For a little while, they sit. Steve, having allowed himself to think about the Demogorgon, is finally starting to freak out. His arm itches. His skin is crawling. He wants his bat. Or to have Nancy there, with her gun. God.

“You good, Steve?” Billy questions.

Steve swallows; his mouth is dry. He’s so distracted by the tree branches moving in the wind that he doesn’t realize that Billy has said his name.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

“Sure?”

“Sure.” Steve takes a drag, focusing on the cigarette. Focusing on Billy next to him, on the metal of the Camaro under his ass, freezing his butt through his jeans.

Billy sits up, his eyes staring straight ahead. “I’ve always liked the quarry better at night,” Billy says. “How about you?”

“I’ve only been here once at night,” Steve replies, “And that’s right now.”

“Really? Not even for a party?”

“All my parties where at houses. Everyone got a lot cooler when you showed up, Hargrove.”

Billy snorts. “Sure they did.”

Steve glances at the other boy, his eyes trailing down him. His curls fell to his shoulders, and he was playing with the necklace he wore. In the dark, Steve couldn’t tell what was on it.

“Steve, I’ve got a question for you,” Billy says. Steve catches his name this time around, and he arches an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything.

“Shoot.”

“Why aren’t you freaking out over the fact that I’m a homo?”

“Well, why would I?” Steve asks. “I mean, I’m one too.”

Billy freezes. Steve can hear his heart in his ears. The Russians probably can.

“What?” Is all Billy can manage.

“I’m a homo. Sort of. Like, I’m into girls too. But, well…have you seen Tom Cruise?”

Billy stares at him for a moment and then laughs. He laughs. He laughs until he’s doubled over, clutching at his stomach.

“What’s so funny?” Steve asks, smiling confusededly.

“You…have a thing for Tom Cruise?” Billy says through his laughter, looking at Steve as he waits for an answer.

“Yes…?” Steve frowns. “Why?”

“Because you would totally be into Tom Cruise!” Billy giggles. Steve rolls his eyes and makes a face at him.

That only makes Billy laugh harder, and Steve smokes while he waits for the blond to stop. Eventually, Billy takes a deep breath and wipes tears—literal, actual tears—from his eyes.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Steve whirls his head to look at Billy. He just knows it’s a joke—they confessed that they’re gay, not that they’re gay for each other—but Billy isn’t joking. He’s serious.

“I’ve never kissed a guy before,” Steve mumbles. Billy shrugs and takes the cigarette from Steve, dropping it onto the ashtray.

“It’s really about the same as kissing a girl,” Billy tells him, leaning closer. “I just like it better.”

Steve leans closer. Their noses brush, and Steve can smell the weed on Billy’s breath.

Carefully, they kiss.

And keep kissing.

When the sun comes up, both of them are curled up in the backseat of the Camaro, mouths kiss-swollen and both of them happier than they’ve been in a long time.

~~~

Sorry if it sucked, but idk what I’m doing and I got bored lol so I hope it was an okay harringrove one-shot even tho it sucked

[moonfacecrybaby-blog]

More inquisitive astrology ranting?

I also learned a lesson yesterday about my rising sign. I always try to piece together my relationships with people and why they came into my life without synastry and stuff because I'm just interested in connecting dots with my own experience of feeling I guess? Well while waiting in a hotel lobby for my friend yesterday I kinda figured out why my daughter is in my life because I don't really believe in chance and I literally always wonder.. why a Leo? Lol the sign Leo is literally the opposite of what I'm about in life, laying low, hiding behind the things I take comfort in, and just staying afloat enough in life so that I can be comfortable until I can finally die is basically what I'm about in life. I have no interest in making an impact in this trash world and I'm honestly super self absorbed so I literally stay in my room and think about all the reasons people are hurtful and shouldn't be trusted all day. And as we all know, that sounds nothing like a Leo lmao. So while at the hotel, of course I wouldn't know for sure but I think I ran into another cancer rising who really put my dumb ass into perspective for me. I'm sitting next to the sliding doors, so I can see everyone coming and going and one time, while my head's down I hear the doors open but don't look up immediately, and when I do I see a lady walking by averting her gaze from me because she had just been smiling in my direction and I didn't see her so she was now looking away embarrassedly which made me feel like crap because that happens to me all the time! Cancer risings often feel ignored so we try so hard to be inclusive to everyone since we know how lonely it is being invisible, so I vowed to myself that if she came back I'd smile at her. So I went back to doing what I was doing and after a while heard the doors open again and this time I look up, it's her again and she's averting her gaze again and is somewhat turning her body sideways while walking so she kinda looks like she's grazing against the wall while walking and I'm baffled again by how it's like she got that move straight outta my textbook or something 😂 whenever I feel rejected by a person/people, I try so hard to stay out of their way and pretend it doesn't matter to me even though I'm really thinking heavily about why I'm so hateable to everyone lmao and the turning sideways? We literally try to walk like crabs to not get noticed and ruin everyone's day even more. 😂😂anyways, so the third time she walked by, she was coming back and I had already been looking in the direction of the door so I looked her square in the eyes and smiled and omg number 1) HER EYYYYYES BROOO 😍 idk the color, I'm more interested in eye shape and stuff but they were huggge and watery and perfectly complemented the sweet smile she gave back to me. ❤️❤️❤️I literally had to sit back and wonder about myself because the surprise I felt was the same reaction people always give me when they go out on a limb and actually speak to me. They act like they didn't expect for a human to be in there or something? I guess because my Pluto is also trine my ascendant that it's a little different because I seem angry or mean? People always say that and I realized that to people I actually LOOK like I don't want to be bothered so yeah I'm kinda the worse cancer rising there is lol. So then, an old lady comes in, looks at my daughter to my right, skips right past me and tells my friend to my left, "she's beautiful" and when she told her it was my baby she said "oh well I SAW you" and continues to stare into her eyes while talking and not acknowledging me in the slightest. She actually could have been kinda racist she's white, and my daughter and friend are lighter skinned than me so maybe that's what she meant by saying that she "saw" them. 😒😒that's not really an issue with me because she was old as hell and on her way out of this realm anyways lol. But those words did resonate with me. Like I realized that how can people see and acknowledge my existence if I'm always hiding? I hide from the world because I hate being where I'm not wanted but I guess you can't really get anywhere in life like that and now getting somewhere in life actually has to matter to me because I have a kid. 😒😒😒😒😒anyways, all my life I've hidden behind hoodies and hats, only walk through alleyways because they're more comfortable than the wide open (I noticed this in 8th grade when a boy told be that he thought that I was Russian because my name is Nastasja and I'm always disappearing into dark mysterious corners 😂), stayed to myself, literally put furniture and whatever objects in front of me in public because of an subconscious impulse to be hidden, lie to people about any talents I have because any form of attention makes me squirm from the thought of having something important to me be dirtied up by the judgment of others, lie to people about how I feel because I hate being an inconvenience, and just be overall not present in life. So I guess I imagined that that's the kind of child I should expect, I thought I was having a cancer.. but the universe doesn't do that obvious shit. The universe gives you what you NEED and it's never expected. My daughter was asleep through all of this and and after posing the question about how the hell I'm supposed to "be seen" to myself, she woke up and I got an answer just like that. So, I take her out of her stroller and hold her to my body and for some reason she's energized and in a playful mood so she starts hugging me and touching my face and babbling like she does when feeling affectionate and as more people were walking in and out, they kept stopping to smile at and talk to her. Her being the Leo she is entertained them right back! Smiling and waving and now had people coming up to me asking questions about her, which was literally the only time that anyone who looked in my direction actually did it for more than one second lol *sigggh* I've always been the "duff" of my friends (except I'm very skinny) so even when people do look at me, they instantly look away. 😂😭 Guess that's why she's here, I'm so stuck in my shell, constantly feeling the emotional undercurrents of everyone else and reflecting that back into the world instead of shining my own light. She's the sun to my moon and I'm incomplete without her. ❤️