#but then i won’t get my paycheck
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real fucking torn between working as much as physically possible during my summer break (which is like 2 weeks long. since i did summer semester. maybe less) as to make hella money and have hella money for a trip, and instead going to a friend’s for like half that time to Fucking Relax…
like okay on one end: make money, have fun on trip, have money for trip, relax because have money (i get real fuckin panicky about money), i don’t have to ask for those days off and risk making my coworkers be weird at me
on the other end: god i could use a fucking break away from work and my dorm………… and i’ll probably be fine on money anyway i think….
#i also haven’t asked if i can stay at the friends yet but that’s a non-issue it’s always a yes and we’re going on that trip together anyway#if he sees this . lmao . hi . i’m super high#you know damn well who u are#anyway .#i might like. try to work every day the first week#and then fuck off for the week after#but then i won’t get my paycheck#bc that comes in the DAY before i go on that trip#and if i’m 4 hours away from work when that comes in . yknow#it’s just stayin there#idunnoooooo i could really use the time away man#i need something to shake all of the shit that’s out of place in my brain rn back into place#bc i’m doing critically bad but i KNOW that would fix it. for at least a bit#anyway
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me a week ago: i love my job!!
me now, after having a mid-year review that amounted to you’re doing an excellent job and you bring such a valuable perspective to our practice but i don’t have the ability to give you a raise right now but don’t worry bc i just hired a new CFO to try to figure out money so we can maybe give you a raise later this year: *breaks into a cold sweat as i crack open indeed dot com*
#like how have you hired FOUR new employees in the past year (two new providers a new admin assistant and now a CFO)#without having plans for people to level up?#also i have talked to a friend who got hired at a similar practice a few months after me and she’s already making way more than me!#and you know who else makes more than i do?#my 19yo nephew who didn’t even finish high school. to be fair he’s grinding way more than he should#but also so am i!!#my disabled ass is working 6-7 days/week almost every week and i can barely afford to LIVE in the city where i live!!!#anyway don’t mind me i’m only apartment hunting#while also knowing that my paycheck is about to be hundreds of dollars lighter every month bc my health insurance is about to kick in#right now it’s either looking like we are gonna have to live in the world’s shittiest apartment (not even in the nice part of the city) or#we might just have to find something outside the city. which would be farther from work and friends and everything#yes i am having a full mental breakdown every single day and it’s only gonna get worse bc i’m due to start pmsing any second now#and also my last day at my hospital job is this weekend#bc everyone (including my boss) has encouraged me to quit and focus on only the one job#so now that’s also at least a few hundred bucks more i won’t be making every month#godddddddd#i hate it here i hate it here#did you know? having a fulfilling job still sucks if you aren't fairly compensated???#this is also what happens when you are part of a hot girl profession where everyone else is married to husbands with tech jobs#so they don't have to worry about money like this#anyway anyway anyway#i have never had anxiety so high that i feel as if i might puke before and i used to have a panic disorder so this is a fun new experience#a nice cherry on top of the typical summer depression which is also beating my ass yet again!
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hurricane destroyed my town i’m going a little insane
#can’t shower can’t drink water can’t go outside can’t wash my dishes#idk if i can go get food bc our local store flooded#i don’t have much money to get food anyways and i can’t doordash bc our roads collapsed#AND i can’t work bc i can’t get there so my next paycheck is gonna be even worse. like guys i live off $200 every 2 weeks#i have very little service#and i won’t even get that now#we flooded SO bad#like it’s kinda terrifying im ngl#bimbo thinks(for once)
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shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!
#I’m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because she’s never going to make her own fucking account#it’s been like a year since she said she would and it’s just not gonna happen#she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ‘what you think I won’t pay you back?’ no!!!!!#no I don’t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because that’s what she owes me at the very least#even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever that’s still. thousands of#dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore#because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to#contribute to that but haha! no I don’t! it’s fucking gone!#and I’ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours they’re scheduling me so that does not fucking help#my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. that’s fucking depressing#anyway I’ve given myself a headache#I’ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and it’d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious#not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did#if I don’t make a new checking account that she can’t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate#my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesn’t even matter i just lose money constantly#I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance#and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late#as possible and it . doesn’t even matter#im going to kill myself I swear to god. there’s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs#vent#like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount#through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore#not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground#I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesn’t have giant holes in it#I can’t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst I’ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating
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I’m so ready to not be sick anymore . . .
#have been very sick for almost this whole week#very very sick on all days I had access to the car so . no jobs this week#prob gonna be bumping my comms a bit next week since I won’t be getting a paycheck that week#will start pushin em when I’m done with my current commission
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saw a post on linkedin by someone going “fuck marketing I’m burning my career to the ground and starting from scratch” and I was like oh yeah. I wanted to do that too
#unemployment will have u forgetting your convictions and wanting to do anything for a paycheck 🥴#they were like ‘we’re in the business of making rich men richer and the more senior you get the more clearly you see that’#I know. it’s agonizing. can I really do that for like 10 more years#I desperately want a career transition but it feels too financially risky to do that - an entry-level salary won’t cut it when#I’m the only person financing my entire life - I can’t rely on a single other person to help me w/ money#can only hope I find a job that doesn’t squeeze the life out of me too bad meaning I can pay for courses/bootcamps on the side#that’ll get me out of here#at my current stage of unemployment I feel like a worthless loser whom nobody wants to hire LMAO so.
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#gotta make sure each play is in place#old man ain’t coming in#stud got fired#I need to do a story time so bad#I’m off tonight#like me and my boss use to be cool#then she tried to come between me and my other contract#what makes her think she can play with my money and I’ll smile#and yes I can be the bigger person#but I won’t#she can hop off the dick she plan to ride tonight and go to work#she make 150k a year with 30k bonus#time to get to hands dirty#earn that paycheck
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personally i feel like we should start reframing wages by how much you actually take home after taxes. i don’t make $16/hr. i make closer to $13/hr
#health insurance is different bc i choose that deduction#what i end up actually bringing home is closer to $12.50/hr#got my first post-raise paycheck and it only comes out to an extra $60. which basically just. cancels out my insurance#net gain of. an extra $10 per check compared to what i brought home for the first three months here#man it is genuinely like. embarrassing putting the numbers out here like that#i’m a grown adult and this is the only job that’ll have me that doesn’t make me want to drive off a bridge#and the fact that i have been stressing out these last few weeks abt trying to keep myself busy so i won’t get in trouble for slacking off#lol. lmao even#mine
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Trying not to panic over the fact that even with a combined income with my partner in the future we still won’t be able to afford more than like a one or two bedroom townhouse even with both of us working full time
#like we’re not even married yet and we probably won’t live together and buy a house for another few years#but now that I have a full time job and I’m going to get kicked off my parents insurance in a year I’m starting to think about and research#i’m starting to think about and research what my future living expenses will be 😭#and like just for two people to have anything decent like good insurance and a small mortgage and other living expenses#it’s like at least $5000 a month#which is more than my monthly paycheck#why are houses so expensive?!?!#WHY IS LIVING SO EXPENSIVE?!?!?#and we’re some of the fortunate ones!!!!!!#cuz at least I have a full time job and he’ll probably be able to find one too
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It’s one of my top 5 favorite days of the year and I’m sick and fucking exhausted and at work
#gonna whine and mope all day I already know it#very almost called in to work today but I need my paycheck#and the boss is out of the office this morning so we need someone for the phone at least#anyway I’m trying really hard to remind myself that I love this day#and it won’t be all bad#and I can find something good about today#but god I just wanna sleep so bad#but I did get some tea on the way in which makes me happy#that’s something#ahhhhh#I’ll hush now I just needed to complain#not relevant to anything
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#Transitionary periods of life are So! Stressful!!#I hate getting texts and stuff from friends and family like ‘did you get into [prestigious university i applied for] yet?’#like. No! they only let in like 15% of applicants! it’s going to take them a while to decide!!#and their immediate follow-up question is ‘when will you find out?’#That information! is NOWHERE. on their WEBSITE!!!#plus we just had three snow days at work and I missed out on like 20 of my work hours for last week#so my paycheck is gonna be super slim on Friday!#and I have not bought groceries in a while!#thank god I have a remote job or I would probably be freezing my ass off in a tent right now! (woo precarious situations!)#oh. and I have my comprehensive exams to prepare for too.#I have three weekends to write three 5 page (single-spaced; 10 if they’re double-spaced) research papers#these three weekends will be happening in March.#that’s. not very far away from us right now. I got. a few weeks. tops. to prepare for this.#and I did do a lot of prep work already. I took a capstone course. I did an independent study#and I read a LOT of stuff about phonetics/phonology last month#but like. I won’t know the questions until the weekend I have to write the paper. 5 pages in 2 days. that’s stressful.#i am suprised I’m not wearing a rut in the floor from pacing so much!#I will be going insane. through no fault of my own. (unless you count giving up a cushy job and moving internationally a fault? yeah ok)
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ok like sorry but i just think it’s sick and twisted for a job to hold ur pay for a month like
#my man i have $200 in my bank account rn PLEASEEEEEE i have three more weeks until i get paid i’m dying#and that paycheck won’t even be that much bc we get paid bimonthly WAHHHH the next one will be good but. we r in the trenches rn …
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I am asking now that my birthday plans go according to plan.
#on the 9th I wanna I go to the arcade and have lunch at downtown flavortown#then I will work on the 10th bc it’s a pay day and I won’t be paid until about 5:00#so then on the 11th(which is already approved as my day off!!!) I will go to a comedy show and dinner I have not yet seen and would like to#I just hope my paycheck is good enough bc the show is 20 per person and I’d really like to get something from the gift shop or whatever#it’ll be my 24th birthday and it’s honestly a miracle I’ve made it this far not only#with my medical issues but also with the shit I’ve had to put up in my family#talkies
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So I’ve been given the potential opportunity in a few weeks to either 1) go visit one of my close work friends who moved 2.5 hours away like 6mos ago, but if I do that it means working with her and our other work friend at her store, which means working 12 days straight, 2 of which would be at a store that is absolute insanity, OR 2) I could not do that and instead possibly get last minute Taylor Swift tickets with my best friend and head 2.5 hours in the opposite direction
#I’m stuck on this decision#especially since right now neither is set in stone or definitive in any way#bc we won’t go visit the work friend of our manager can’t let my work friend I currently work with off for that weekend#but also we can’t buy Taylor swift tickets until like the day of the concert#but since my best friend implanted the idea in my head yesterday now I’m like#damn I wanna do that I love going to concerts and I really don’t like the idea of working 12 days straight for a total of something like a#92 or 94 hour paycheck with 12 or 14 of that being overtime#which would be a nice paycheck I’m sure but fuck like I would want to drop dead#I’ve never had to work that many days straight through#I think the longest I’ve done is like maybe 7 or 8 days in a row#but also that’s only ever been at my store where even our busiest days are less busy than the store we’ll be visiting’s average days#BUT I do want to see my friend and help her out because they need help that weekend specifically bc they already know they’re going to be#insanely busy and that makes me want to cry a little like I feel like our store gets busy when I do 50 cars through our drive thru in a#little less than 2 hours but they’re store as far as I last heard does like 500 or 600 cars a day which like fuck#if we go up there and they put me on drive thru like she made it sound like they’re gonna do then I better JUST be working like order taker#OR the window but not both because I will keel over
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6 tattoos in 6 weeks i think someone needs to take my bank account away from me now. and also my poor planning skills
#ooh that’s gonna be one insane tattoo flu that’s for sure#also i have paid deposits#and that’s#the only money i have#so like my entire next paycheck is going on tatts ig#ig i just Won’t have basic necessities bc i am in fact having a mental breakdown and getting as many tatts as poss#bp
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Ill be honestly I’ve spent more time high in the past 30+ hours than I have sober. Things have been piling on and I feel so overwhelmed that I can’t deal with it all or I feel like I’ll explode see tags for details on these situations but it’s not important
#fae talks#one of my family members who won’t accept mental help just asked everyone for money including ppl younger than 24/college students#that’s an even longer story but it’s a lot#one of my friends is missing. no one had heard from her since Thursday#I’ve essentially lost my job bc they cut hours so bad I will rarely be getting a paycheck if at all#cw drugs
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