#but then i put em all together and cried when i realised it kinda made a cute comic

[thatsnotbuddies]

@atreebreathing said jack/hanny pond skating and kissing in the moonlight and I said raaaahhh and had to draw it ❄

[remuslupinkinnie1979]

Some Emilute headcanons cause I'm obsessed

Lute - she/they (mean) lesbian

Emily - they/she/neos pansexual

Lute is VERY protective, if you even look at Emily the wrong way, you have a spear inches from your throat a second later

I hc that Emily is autistic, so Lute always carries noise cancelling headphones in her back (Emily often forgets them)

Lute loves listening to Emily infodumping about their current interests

Whenever Emily sees a homeless animal in the streets she takes it home. Lute thought it was adorable, until it got to the point when: "No, Em. We already have 5 dogs, 4 cats, 2 snakes, 3 turtles and a chicken, we can't adopt this lizard."

They ended up having a little animal shelter

Emily cried every time they had to give out a pet, but was also happy it found a new home

Lute listens to stuff like Metallica, Nirvana, AC/DC etc. and Emily listens to Melanie Martinez and musicals. They both love Queen

They watch anime (why? Because I said so)

Lute gets a lot of bruises and injuries during training and stuff, and Emily always insists to take care of them

This one is kinda dumb, but I hc that when angels blush their face goes yellow (cause they have yellow blood, yk) and Lute blushes A LOT around Emily (especially when they started dating) and Adam gave her a nickname "banana" cause of it and every time he caught them simping he'd be like: "You're staring, banana" (idk, I made it today at 5 am, okay?!)

Emily loves making bracelets and giving them to people (Lute especially). It got to the point when Lute almost had her circulation stop, cause she insisted on wearing them all the time

Lute is more scared of Sera after her and Emily got together, cause Sera is kinda like Emily's parent/big sister so Lute wants her to like her

Sera picked up on it and is very cold and serious around Lute, to not show that she actually likes her

Lute has anxiety/panic disorder and sometimes gets bad panic attacks from all the pressure and Emily always succeeds to calm them down

Also Lute has some major anger issues and is often like "I'm gonna murder the next person I fucking see, I swear..." And then she sees Emily and IMMEDIATELY turns calm and nice. Adam makes fun of her for it

They paint their nails together. Lute always gets black and Emily never can decide what to pick (xe ends up with multicolour nails)

Sometimes when they're talking/flirting and Adam is in the background he would do some stupid shit to ruin the moment, like:

Emily: You look nice today... Pretty much like every day

Lute: *blushes* You think?

Adam: *Fake sexual/puking noises in the background*

They often go on dates on Earth (they love cinema, concerts and Disneyland)

Sometimes on Earth people would give them dirty looks or throw slurs at cause they're gay and Lute would be like cracking her knuckles and getting angry, and Emily has to hold her, so she wouldn't murder someone

Emily pretty much NEVER swears and Lute swears a lot. Lute loves that about Emily, so she makes sure to never swear in their presence:

Lute: Oh you little *realises that Emily is next to her* you little... stupid person?

Emily: *laughs, cause she knows what Lute really wants to say and finds the whole thing adorable*

Adam would CONSTANTLY make fun of Lute for simping

Sera would definitely give Lute 'the talk'

Emily tends to dismiss ze's own emotions and overworked themselves to make everyone happy. Lute sometimes ends up forcibly putting them to bed so she'd get some rest.

Emily loves sweets and Lute loves salty food

Emily drinks tea and Lute drinks coffee

Emily likes knitting, especially in winter, so Lute has a closet full of sweaters, scarves, hats etc. She'd never wear them if they weren't from Emily

Lute likes sketching (mostly their girlfriend)

Hufflepuff x Slitherin

Emily loves hairstyling, so ze insists on styling lutes hair

St. Peter and Emily are friends and Lute absolutely fucking hates this guy

Because of their height difference Emily has to stand on her tiptoes when they kiss

Lute takes advantage of the difference and gives Emily a lot of forehead kisses

Lute often gives Emily piggy back rides (or flies)

Lute always insists on doing 'gentlemen' stuff, like they ALWAYS carry Emily's bag and open the door for her

When they move in together Adam often just comes in uninvited and crashes on the couch like he actually lives there. Lute is kinda annoyed with it, but Emily mostly doesn't mind

Lute plays bass

When they sleep Lute always has her spear next to the bed, just in case

When Emily has a shutdown Lute either speaks for them or makes sure to get her out of there. If anyone is trying to keep Emily in the room and is being kinda pushy and obnoxious, Lute gets all protective and is like: Don't you see we're busy? With a spear targeted at them

When Emily gets overstimulated xe tends to pick up on their skin. Lute noticed that and always has some fidget toys on them, to offer

Emily collects plushies and squishmallows and when ze sees one in a store, it goes like this:

Emily: Look! It's so cute! Can we buy it?

Lute: Babe, we already have like... 20 squishmallows in our room.

Emily: But it's an elephant... *Sad face*

Lute: Oh, fine. But it's the last one. *It's never the last one*

Adam is sceptical about their relationship at first, but grows fond of Emily pretty quickly and sees them as his little sister

They cuddle using their wings as blankets

Okay, I guess that's it for now, but I will probably update. As u can probably tell I'm a little, tini-tiny bit obsessed with them atm

[emilyshotchniss]

What, Are You Like In Love With Me Or Something?

Summary: After crushing on each other for years, you and Emily finally pull your shit together:)

Pairing : Emily Prentiss x Fem Reader

Warnings: Minimal swearing

Word Count : 1675

4:27am. Are you fucking kidding me.

You reluctantly rolled out of bed and dragged yourself to the bathroom, turning the shower on. You love your job, but getting called in at four in the morning was a fucking pain in the ass. After standing under the hot water for a considerable length of time, you got out and chose your outfit. Once you were ready, you repacked your go bag, and dropped your cat Willow off at your neighbours apartment, before heading to the office.

When you arrived, it was 5:02am, and you were pretty sure that in your current mood, if you didn't get some coffee soon, you were going to go full on unsub on someone. That mood was suddenly lifted as soon as you entered the bullpen - you ducked out of view and watched as your best friend Emily walked silently through the nearly empty office, and placed a mug of coffee on your desk. She gently sat it on your favourite coaster, then tiptoed back over to her desk, grabbing a small bag and sitting it next to the mug on your desk. She adjusted everything until it was the way she wanted it, and smiled to herself before sitting back at her desk. You also smiled to yourself, before walking in fully, pretending you didn't just spend three minutes hidden behind a wall watching her.

"Morning, Em!" You smiled.

"Oh hey!" She replied, clearly trying to act chill as if she hadn't just spent five minutes fixing you breakfast.

"What's this?" You asked, opening the small bag she left you.

"Oh, uh, I, I picked you up a croissant from the Starbucks downtown on my way in," She said, smiling sheepishly.

Your heart nearly burst, and you felt an overwhelming rush of butterflies in your stomach. The gesture was lovely, but wasn't helping you get over the huge crush you'd been harbouring for a while now. You pushed your feelings into a tiny little box in the back of your mind, because there was no way she felt the same - she was just being a good friend.

"Thank you," You smiled, before taking a bite of the croissant. "For this, and the coffee. Lunch is on me,"

She smiled back, but you couldn't help but notice how her eyes lingered a little longer than they were supposed to. Your "moment" was interrupted by Morgan and Garcia barging through the doors, shortly followed by JJ, Rossi and Reid, prompting Hotch to call you all into the conference room. You took a quick sip of your coffee and one last mouthful of your croissant, before following the team upstairs.

***************************************

It was around 1:49pm when you walked back into the local PD, carrying two bags. You opened each door with your foot, and made your way to the conference room, finding Emily sitting alone with a file. The rest of the team were still away getting lunch.

"Hey, aren't you getting hungry?" You asked her.

"Uh, I'm fine, I'm nearly done with this-" She stopped rambling when she saw the bags of food. "You shouldn't have,"

"I told you, lunch was on me today. That coffee and croissant saved me from murdering someone this morning. I owe you," You said, earning a laugh from Emily. You felt a blush creep up your neck and across your cheeks, and you could've sworn you saw Emily's cheeks turn a faint pink - but it was probably nothing.

"What did you get?" She asked, as you continued to unpack.

"An italian BMT for the lady," You said, handing her her sandwich. "And a roast chicken sub for myself."

"Ugh, you're amazing," She said between mouthfuls.

You felt that same rush of heat in your cheeks again, and immediately got up to put the empty bags in the trash in a desperate attempt to hide your face.

"Seriously... thank you. I really needed this today..." She said, trailing off into a whisper almost. Her face had changed, and you could sense something was bothering her.

"Em, you okay?" You asked, concern lacing your tone.

"Oh, uh, yeah, yeah I'm good..." She lied.

"Don't lie to me. What's going on?" You said, matching your tone with hers.

"This doesn't leave this room-" She warned, your nerves making an appearance.

"This case- it, it's getting to me more than I care to admit..." She began shakily.

"In what way?" You asked.

"Regina- she said something to me, and it's kinda sticking with me," Emily said, taking a deep breath. You've known her long enough to know that that's her tell.

"She said that I have no idea what it's like when the monster from your nightmares comes back for you - that mine is dead, yet she still has to live with hers... it's stupid I know-" You cut her off.

"It's not stupid Emily. You went through a massive trauma, nobody expects you to magically be okay now that he's dead. You're still processing everything - that takes time, and we're all here to support you through it - I'm here to support you through it..." You told her, making sure she heard exactly what you were saying.

She let go of that breath, feeling a little calmer. "I have no idea what I'd do if you weren't my best friend..." She laughed nervously. Friend. That stung way more than it should've - but you put these feelings away in that little box at the back of your mind, attempting to compartmentalise it all.

"Seriously - thank you," She told you, grabbing your hand briefly, before getting up to put her napkins and stuff in the trash. Just at that, the rest of the team piled back into the station, ready to tie up the loose ends of the case before flying back that evening. You shook your head, laughing at your stupidity for falling for your best friend, before joining the rest of the team.

***********************

Back at Quantico, the team dragged themselves into the office to finish reports and grab their stuff before heading home for the night. Before you knew it, you looked up from your desk to find that most of the team had left, you Emily and Hotch being the only three remaining. You checked your watch, and decided that the reports could be finished in the morning. Throwing on your coat, you turned to look at Emily, still working away.

"Hey Em, we can finish those tomorrow, come on," You told her. She looked up at you anxiously, before reluctantly closing the file and grabbing her things. You both walked in silence to the elevator, but you could feel her eyes burning into your skull as you waited. After the silence had become just a little too uncomfortable, you turned to meet her, as she quickly diverted her gaze.

"What..." You asked with a smile.

"No, nothing- its nothing." She replied.

"You were staring at me- what, are you like in love with me or something?" You joked, not thinking anything of it - then your stomach suddenly dropped as her face turned a deep red - it was clear you'd correctly guessed her thoughts.

"Em-" You said, barely above a whisper. "Is that true?"

"I- uh- I um..." She began, her face turning a deeper red with each stutter.

"Emily look at me-" You told her, grabbing her wrists. She met your gaze, her eyes glassy.

"I love you too... I always have," You trembled, a single tear rolling down her face now.

"You have?" She cried ever so softly, her vulnerability catching you by surprise.

"Always... I- I never knew it was mutual," You smiled.

"I- I was going to tell you, but-"

"But then everything went to shit," You said, finishing her sentence.

"Yeah," She chuckled, sniffing back tears.

The elevator doors slid open and you squeezed in, taking her hand in yours as they closed behind you.

"Have you been sleeping?" You asked, not turning to face her, already knowing the answer.

"No..." She replied, barely loud enough to her - she was ashamed of being traumatised. You squeezed her hand tighter, before turning to face her.

"Come stay at my place tonight- we'll watch a movie, have hot chocolate, and maybe then you might be able to rest." You offered.

"Okay.." She smiled. "Thank you."

"Not necessary." You told her, interlacing your fingers with hers.

******************

As soon as you got home, you kicked off your shoes and headed straight to your bedroom, grabbing clothes for both yourself and Emily. After you both got comfy, you made two rather large mugs of hot chocolate, finishing them quicker than either of you would care to admit.

"Hey it's late, you coming?" You asked Emily, nodding towards your bedroom.

"Sure," She smiled, letting you lead the way. You pulled back the covers, letting Em slide in first as you followed. Lying in the darkness, your arms wrapped around her body, pulling her closer to you. As she met your eyes, no words had to be spoken- you leaned in to give her a gentle kiss that said everything you wanted to say, her returning it with equal passion. She stroked your cheekbone with her thumb, before speaking up.

"I love you - I wish I'd told you sooner." She whispered.

"I do too - but we're here now - that's all that matters." You replied.

She hummed in response, before tucking her head into your shoulder. You drew tiny shapes on her back until you heard soft snores coming from underneath your ear. It was in that moment that you realised you'd never felt love like this before - a love that consumed you. You kissed her forehead before succumbing to the slumber along with her, wondering just how you got so lucky.

[marmolady]

New Horizons

Main Pairings: Estela x (f)MC, Graleister

Summary: Endless Ending. Liv and Reggie are starting school in San Trobida. Notes at the end!

Word Count: 9695

Chronology: After 'Growing Pains', before 'How the time escapes me...'

Tagging: @saivilo, @edgydepressedchoicesthot, @sceptilemasterr, @greengroove @mauvecatfic​

Thanks for reading!

San Trobida, July 2035

“Hey, Auntie Grace!”

Reggie looked up from his book at the sound of his cousin’s voice, and hastily placed aside his shiny new copy of ‘A Guide to San Trobidan History’ so he could rush out into the hallway.

Grace was already wrapping Liv in a hug. “Hello, sweetheart.” She kissed the side of her niece’s head, before her eyes wandered down to a bloodied knee. “Did you have a mishap on your bike on the way here?”

“Yeah… I clipped the kerb and crashed,” Liv said, offering her aunt a better view of her wound. As she heard Reggie’s footsteps, she looked up to meet his eye and smiled.

“Youch!” Reggie offered sympathetically as he came close enough to peer over Liv’s grazed knee.

Liv shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

Grace, though, was more concerned. “Are you sure you didn’t hit your head when you fell?”

“No, just scraped my knee. It does actually sting a bit.”

“Hmm. Well, I think we’d better put some anti-septic that knee just to be safe.”

The new house was a mess. Boxes and misplaced furniture filled every room, and the twins-- six years old-- had been making forts with the packing boxes that had been emptied so far. The family had been in the house for just over a day, and some good progress had already been made. There had been a lot that had been left behind. Neither Aleister nor Grace put too much value on material possessions, so most of what had come with them and the children to their new home in San Trobida had been essential furniture, and the mountains of photo albums and memorabilia from a life with the kids.

Grace sat Liv down on a wooden ottoman, and, after a little bit of rummaging, found the first aid kit.

“Okay, this might hurt just a little,” she said gently, and she carefully dabbed Liv’s graze.

Liv yelped, “Fuck!”, causing Reggie to gasp, looking to his mother for a reaction, and Erin and Immy to burst out giggling from inside their box-fort.

Grace raised an eyebrow, but her warm smile didn’t shift. “It stings that much?”

“Yeah…,” Liv said, flushing a little. “Sorry about the language.”

“I’m sure I didn’t hear a thing.”

There was the usual bustling around as Aleister got the girls into their shoes; Immy and Erin had decided that swapping one shoe with one another was the peak of humour, but eventually, their father managed to get them each into a left and a right-- even if they didn’t match. Six-and-a-half-year-old sisters, Reggie had come to realise, made just about everything more of a headache than necessary.

Eventually, though, they were on their way. His mom and dad, walking beside the twins as they pootled along on their bicycles, had the address, but Reggie rode ahead with Liv, taking her lead as she zig-zagged through the streets of Valle Brava. Having only set foot on San Trobidan soil as a new resident some twenty-four hours ago, everything aspect of his environment set his senses alight. This wasn’t like being back in America. Perhaps it was the tropical climate, but he was reminded much more of La Huerta-- of home. Liv certainly seemed right at home here. She and her mothers had settled a few weeks before, and Liv had been coming here pretty much all her life. There were just a few blocks between their respective houses, and the wide cycle paths along the bitumen roads made for an easy journey. This, Reggie had been told, was a newly developed area; much had been re-built since the war he knew his Tia Estela had been involved in. The cycle paths ended as they came nearer to Liv’s place, a little way out of the main township. The foliage on either side of the road became thicker, and there was less street noise, more birdsong.

“Beat you!” Liv announced as she planted her feet into the ground, forcing her bicycle to a stop.

Reggie grumbled, pulling up beside his cousin in front of a humble bungalow-style house with outer walls a vibrant azure blue against yellow accents. The sound of a dog barking-- unmistakably Liv’s Robin, was further confirmation they’d arrived. “You didn’t beat me, Livia. I was following you. I didn’t even know where we were going.”

“Jeez, dude. No one likes a sore loser….”

“I am not a--!”

The door swung open.

“Reggie!” Taylor wasted no time in sweeping her nephew into a hug. “It’s so good to see you! I can’t believe you still have the energy for cycling over here-- didn’t you move house, like, yesterday?”

Reggie laughed. “Hi, Auntie Taylor!” There was something about seeing a familiar face in this new environment that made the pieces seem to click into place. Family made it home. “I’m a little bit tired but mostly just excited. I did sleep in today, so I guess I won’t crash until later.” His sisters on the other hand… there was no way they’d last the evening without overtiredness rearing its ugly head.

“I’m guessing your mom and dad are on their way with the girls?”

“Yeah,” said Liv, “but they’re pretty slow. I don’t have to wait to give Reggie the grand tour, do I?”

“Knock yourself out, kid. Hang on, Liv? Walk your bike through the house, please.”

“I was gonna!”

Reggie could only smirk. Like hell you were….

“Aaaand,” Liv finished off with a flourish, “this is my room!” She opened the door to a good-sized bedroom. It seemed to Reggie that what floor-space wasn’t taken up by the bed was piled up with boxes.

“I mean, I can’t say the mess wasn’t a clue.”

Liv gave her cousin a look as she flopped into her bed. “Hey-- moving house is hard. You’ll see soon enough. You get started all excited, but once you start living your life, you kinda get… stuck. Mama Taylor says we’re going to just blitz it all next weekend, and throw ourselves a pizza party as a reward.”

Reggie got up onto the bed and crossed his legs. “Do you like it here?”

“I love it here! I always liked coming here when I was little, so I guess it doesn’t feel like something completely different. I reckon my tio abuelo is over the moon that we’re here for good; it’s like I’ve got a grandparent now.” Liv’s cheeks flushed pink, and she glanced away.

Understanding, Reggie nodded. Together, they’d grown up in a family that didn’t take the traditional shape. There were some things that simply couldn’t be explained to other friends; like why Reggie’s grandma could help him with his homework, but could never come in for grandparents’ day, and why Liv had a whole side of the family with no grandparents at all-- not even dead ones.

“And,” Liv continued, “people don’t really look at my Mama Estela funny. I noticed that years ago. I guess ‘cause of the war, people don’t look twice at someone who’s maybe a little bit banged-up. I got so sick of it back in America. Every time we met someone new, they’d put on that ‘God, what happened?’ face. Maybe Mom doesn’t want to explain the whole ‘revolutionary in a civil war’ thing to every random person who can’t mind their own business. Some people have scars-- big freaking deal. It’s better here.”

“Yeah, that would be a nice change. The amount of times I’ve seen you and Auntie Taylor look at a nosy idiot like you want to deck ‘em--”

Liv burst out laughing. “True, that.”

The sound of excited barking rang out from the backyard. It seemed pretty likely to Reggie that his parents and sisters had just arrived. When he and Liv arrived in the backyard, Erin had already joined Estela at the barbecue, desperate to be involved, while Immy was passionately talking to Nicolas about goodness-knows-what. Reggie made a mental note to rescue him in a few minutes; that kid could be intense, and the poor old guy had come out here for a relaxing lunch with his niece.

Nicely, but firmly, Reggie nudged the wriggling, writhing form of Robin the dog to the side so he could join his mother and Auntie Taylor at the large alfresco table under the porch. And Robin returned to his favoured position at the feet of the barbecue-- Erin was just a kid, surely, she’d drop something….

“Do you need a hand with the salads?” Reggie asked as he greeted his mother with a hug. He’d been seeking a lot of those. With so much changing, familial comfort meant a lot, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

Perhaps more than anything, though, he was grateful to have Liv by his side. It was the way it had always been; from their toddler days on La Huerta, through elementary school, to their adventures in home-schooling. Some things might change-- some things might change immeasurably-- but he always had his cousin.

___________________________

La Huerta, 2028

Liv yelled out as she splashed down into the shallow surf. “Reggie!”

“I got her, Xiraana!” Reggie cried, and soon he was joined by a young Vaanti girl, who helped restrain their victim.

“No, no!” Liv squealed as she struggled. Vaanti kids, she’d long ago realised, were strong. “You’ll never take me alive!”

“Five-- four--- three….” Xiraana counted down, not letting Liv out of her grasp.

“Two-- one!” Reggie finished triumphantly, and he let his cousin fall unceremoniously back into the water. “The klaawyi ate all the meat off your bones. You’re one of us now!”

Liv pouted, but admitted defeat. It wasn’t the worst thing that could happen; she was pretty good on Team Klaawyi anyway. Or, she would have been… had she not seen the figure of her favourite uncle descending onto the beach from the great tree of Elyys’tel.

“Tio Diegoooooo! Hiiiii!” Liv ran across the sand, almost tripping in her desperation to reach him.

“Hey, Livia!” Reggie cried out, indignant at being suddenly abandoned. “You’re meant to help us catch them!”

But Diego had crouched down to wrap Liv in a hug, and Reggie might as well be talking to a pile of rocks for all that was being absorbed.

“Tio, they got me! Reggie and Xiraana got me, and now I’m a klaawyi!”

“You?” Diego laughed. “You’re no klaawyi-- I’ve never seen a klaawyi that was ticklish!”

“Wha--?” Oh no. Once again, Liv was shrieking with mirth, this time dodging the tickling hands of her tio.

Still standing in the shallows, Reggie stomped his foot, which achieved little but splashing himself in the face. The game went on without them; games of Klaawyi Chase didn’t stop for anyone. The usual fun on the beaches outside Elyys’tel would go on like this every day… whether Reggie and Liv were there to join in or not. And Reggie didn’t want to miss out now.

“Come on, Livia!”

She just shook her head, not letting her adoring gaze up at Diego slip for so much as a heartbeat. “Nah,” she said. “I’m done.”

Torn, knowing that whichever direction he ran in, he’d lose out on precious time with friends, Reggie admitted defeat and rushed back to Liv’s side on the shore. He looked back over his shoulder and waved goodbye-- for what he’d been told would likely be a long, long time. Engrossed in their game, his friends gave just the most fleeting of farewells before continuing to race through the small waves that lapped the beach.

Liv, in contrast, had eyes only for her tio. She clasped his hand tightly; if she held on tight enough, perhaps he’d have no choice but to come with her to wherever her mothers were taking her in the big aeroplane.

Where exactly she was going, Liv didn’t quite understand. It was away from La Huerta, but they weren’t going back to live with Tio Nicolas, they were going… someplace else. Someplace with no Tio Diego and Varyyn, where all the other kids would be boring shades of pink and brown rather than blue and green, and where no one knew about the yeti-bear, or the magic crystal alien that made her mom, or about The Story of the Year the World Stopped.

“I want you to come, Tio Diego…,” Liv softly beseeched.

Diego’s eyes grew misty, her earnest words having tipped him over the edge after what had been a long period of emotional build-up. Goodbyes were never easy, and Liv’s family was his family. He squeezed her little hand gently.

“I’ll visit you, Livi-- I promise. Cross my heart. And your mommies will bring you over to visit us here too; you are going to learn so many new games at school that you can teach Xiraana and the other kids.”

“But I’ll miss you…”

Having rejoined Liv, Reggie peered up at Diego’s teary face with concern. “Diego, you’re making your glasses all foggy.”

“Ha. I know, I know!” Diego wiped his eyes. “You might have a point there, Reggie; I want to spend this last night with you guys actually being able to see you!”

Liv giggled and wrapped her arms around her uncle’s legs, only to be peeled off and hoisted into the air. “We can still have fun until bedtime, can’t we? Will you tell us a story?”

On the ground, Reggie danced around, his arms waving. Diego-time was the best story-time.

In the arms of her tio, her playmate since she was a baby bouncing on his knee, Liv was a mess of emotions; of fear and excitement, of merriment that competed with the looming sorrow. It was more than her little self had a clue what to do with. She was only five.

Sensing his cousin’s turmoil, Reggie reached up a hand and took hold of Liv’s, hanging down by Diego’s side. “Don’t worry, Livia! If you worry, you won’t enjoy story-time.”

Liv stuck out her bottom lip. That little nerd-face could be pretty smart sometimes. Tomorrow night, there would be no goodnight story from Tio Diego, but tomorrow night was not now-- now, everything was as it should be. Her wavering grin returned, and to her delight, it brought matching smiles to the faces of her companions.

“Do you think Varyyn, and my mommies, and Auntie Grace and Uncle Alli, and Auntie Grace’s tummy babies want to listen to the story too?”

“Yeah,” Diego said, letting Liv back down to the ground, where she immediately found another hug in Reggie’s arms, “I think everyone would really like that.”

_____________________________

San Trobida, August 2035

“I don’t get it,” Liv said thoughtfully, as the car rolled right on past the turn for her Auntie Grace and Uncle Al’s place. “It’s right on the way; wouldn’t it have been easier for us to pick up Reggie?”

“Hon,” Taylor replied, “I think Reggie wanted his mom and dad to take him to orientation. They’ll probably be better at helping with his jitters than we would be.”

“I guess.” Liv looked out the window, watching the surrounding vegetation thicken once more as the car followed the road up out of the valley. “Orientation Day shouldn’t be too bad, right? Just, like, meeting our teachers, learning where stuff is, that kinda thing?” And you’ll have to try and make friends. That would be a laugh.

By the time they pulled up at the Las Selvas Secondary School, however, Liv fully understood her cousin’s nerves, and realised that was probably why she’d been so disappointed that he didn’t share a car with her. Through every big change in their young lives, his presence had been a reassuring constant.

“Uggghh,” she groaned. “Can I change my mind? Home-schooling was all right; more of that, please.”

Estela leaned from the front seat and gave Liv’s knee a squeeze. “You know, I don’t think he’d ever say it, but I’m pretty sure Reggie would be really scared if he had to walk into this without you. Besides, you were so excited about starting here; you owe it to yourself to at least giving it a shot.”

Again, Liv groaned, this time even louder. “It’s so annoying when you’re right.”

“Story of my life,” Taylor laughed, while Estela smirked.

When they pulled up at the school, Reggie was already waiting, standing beside the car-park while his parents fussed over him.

“You have your phone?” Grace quizzed, checking for the fourth time since they’d set off.

“I told you, yes!” Reggie replied, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket to wave around for good measure. “I’ll send you a message when I’m ready to be picked up, I promise.”

“In that case, you just have a wonderful time, darling.” She wrapped him in a hug-- already Reggie was easily as tall as her. “Go well, and have fun.”

Liv rushed over, all smiles. Her own nerves were a whole lot less bothersome when she had the distraction of friendly faces.

There were a few more rounds of hugs exchanged-- and then, suddenly, Liv and Reggie were on their own.

“You wanna head over? Looks like people are already crowding around-- it’s probably gonna start soon.”

Reggie’s expression brightened, as if he’d been just waiting for a little push for his confidence to surge back forth. “Well, it will hardly be an auspicious start here if we miss the principal’s address. Get a move on, Livia!”

The morning passed relatively quickly. Liv placed herself next to Reggie at all times-- they’d been put in the same Grade Seven home room as requested, making him one of the eldest in the class, and her one of the youngest. The whole set-up wasn’t entirely different to the school they were accustomed to, other than the bilingual approach. They were given a small pile of boring paperwork, and outlines of what to expect in their new classes; as English was their first language, they’d be taking ‘Spanish as a Second Language’, and Liv was also excited about ‘Nature Studies’, a subject she’d never been offered in America.

As far as Liv was concerned, the most traumatic part of the session was being expected to stand up in front of a room of strangers and give a short spiel about themselves. The perfect opportunity to officially balls-up any chance they might have of making new friends, or at least that was how she saw it. She mumbled down into her chest; something about enjoying hiking and gymnastics, something about liking Batman, and animals, and then she hurriedly sat right back down with flaming cheeks. Reggie, she observed, handled the brief foray into public speaking with rather more poise. Even though he was shy-- perhaps even more than she was-- he seemed able to go into ‘school presentation’ mode, and breeze through. When he sat back down, though, his hands were shaking-- but that was for the eyes of his trusted friend only.

When the lunch break came along, Liv was ravenous; a new and challenging social situation could do that to a person. While Reggie sloped off to the bathrooms, she tested out the school canteen, emerging a little while later with a hot empanada. It wasn’t quite as good as her Mama Estela’s, but it was definitely a step up from what was on offer at her old school. Maybe she could get used to this place….

Liv watched this new world go by all around her as she ate, cross-legged beneath the tree she’d told her cousin to meet her by. Kids moved in their little circles, talking loudly, laughing. Most of them coming into Grade Seven had come from the local primary school, and many knew each-other. Liv and Reggie would be starting out on the outside… and that was daunting. She could not be more grateful that she wasn’t taking this on alone.

Or… at least, she shouldn’t be. The lunchtime queue moved on, the gaggles of kids spread out, and still Reggie hadn’t returned.

Damn, constipated on your first day. Sucks to be you, Reggie.

Tentatively, Liv approached the boys’ bathroom and, having ascertained that no one was watching, slipped in. Her footsteps were unheard, drowned out by the loud, frantic breathing of young Reggie, slumped over the sink. Alarmed, Liv rushed over. Tears were spilling down his cheeks.

“Reggie… it’s okay,” she said gently. A little unsure, she reached out a hand to rub his back, and to her surprise, he didn’t flinch away. Slowly, he seemed to regain control of himself.

“Liv…,” Reggie panted. “You know you’re not meant to be in here; this is the guys’ room.”

“Hey! Like it’s my fault you didn’t take your anxiety attack into the unisex bathroom. That’s on you.” Hmph. Ungrateful, much?

Reggie scowled, and dragged his cousin out of the toilet block by her arm. He slumped down by the wall, and scooched over to encourage her to join him.

“You’re a pain in the arse.” He was still shaking.

“It’s been said, yeah.” Liv huddled a little closer. “You don’t need to worry, okay? You’re not going to have any trouble making friends. Did you see they’ve got a chess club, and a photography club as well? At least that’ll get you talking to people.”

“That’s,” Reggie said quietly, “not exactly what I’m worried about.” When Liv looked at him expectantly, he continued. “When I was in a room with all those kids, my head just went back to being at our old school… and what happened. I know this place is meant to be progressive and all that, but that doesn’t mean that everyone’s okay. What if I think I’ve made friends with someone, and they find out about Erin, and they make it a big thing, and then some arsehole finds out….”

“Man, you’re really spiraling,” Liv observed, not especially helpfully. She wasn’t exactly surprised by what was troubling her cousin; getting into a fight in defense of his young transgender sister had completely unseated Reggie from the comfortable life he’d had at the last school. It had changed everything.

“You would too, if she was your sister!”

“Probably. But I think you should at least give people a go. It sounds like they’re really strict on any kind of bullying against minorities. Swinging back hard in the opposite direction after that fascist dictatorship.”

“Those are some awfully big words for you to be throwing around there, Livia; watch you don’t hurt yourself….”

“Hey! I know my stuff!” Liv demanded. “Do you think my tio abuelo would have it any other way? But anyway, I’m right. All the people who didn’t fit in before have come to this part of the country. Probably a lot of the kids have parents who saw really horrible things in the war; they wouldn’t want to send them somewhere that was bad like before. My Mama ‘Stel gave the principal the grilling of her life, and I bet she hasn’t been the only one. People are gonna want to make sure their kids are being looked after.”

A smile quirked on Reggie’s face as he imagined his aunt on a school tour. “I bet Tia Estela left Principal Sanchez quivering under the desk.”

“Yeah… after what happened in the last school, there’s no way they’d let us go anywhere unless they were sure it was a place that treated people right.”

Reggie knew that much. But his parents, and even his fierce aunt, could not shield himself, his sisters and his cousin, from everything. He contemplated silently, grateful for the patient companionship.

“I guess,” he said at last, “if no one gave anyone else a chance to be anything but the worst, then we’d be pretty lonely.”

“Yup. We should at least give it a shot. And if it all goes in the crapper, I’ll sic my moms on the fools that mess with us. And the freaking yeti.”

Reggie couldn’t help but roll his eyes. That had always been Liv’s answer to everything. “Livia, I hate to break it to you, but if you go around threatening people with yetis, everyone’s gonna think you’ve got a screw loose. Except me; I know you’ve got a screw loose.”

“So damn rude,” Liv growled. “Anyway, you really should eat something. It probably won’t help you feeling crap and light-headed if you’ve got an empty stomach. They’ve got arepas!”

“...I could eat an arepa,” Reggie admitted. There was only so much a young boy of thirteen could control; he couldn’t wave a magic wand and guarantee that his little sister would never be hurt by cruel, ignorant words, but he could look after himself, so that he was the best him he could be-- and the best brother.

_____________________________

USA, 2028

“You did a great job, sweetheart,” Taylor said kindly as Reggie delicately placed his knife and fork atop his small plastic plate, signaling that he’d finished. Immediately afterwards, the little boy’s small hand had dropped to his side to get a reassuring touch of his teddy’s scruffy fur. “It was nice of Big Bear to join us for dinner. Does he like lasagna as much as you do?”

Reggie yawned widely as he nodded to his aunt. He hadn’t known it was possible for a kid to be so full of yawns, but living with newborn twins had shown him just how big a tired feeling could be. “Big Bear likes to watch from the floor.”

“That’s nice of him to let you have the whole plate for yourself. We’re gonna have plenty to bring over to your mommy and daddy for them to eat tomorrow.”

Lasagna had been Reggie’s choice. This whole sleepover was to be all about him; giving him a welcome break from the stresses of being a new big brother to two babies at once. He’d been on many, many sleepovers at Tia Estela and Auntie Taylor’s place before, but this time felt different. Reggie knew that at home, his parents were busy with their other children… and in his sensitive state, it took no time at all for him to miss them.

Twins, Reggie had come to realise, were very hard work. They cried a lot… and his mommy cried a lot, and his daddy cried a lot, and he cried a lot. All crying and no sleeping was not a whole lot of fun. Reggie wanted so badly to get away from the babies, but at the same time he longed to be with his parents. However much fun it was to take a break at his aunts’ place, the worry in him just wouldn’t go away.

Side-by-side, he and Liv changed into their pyjamas. Five-year-old Liv, true to form, nattered away to him the whole time. Babies, of course, were the subject of choice.

“My moms say we’re probably not gonna get another baby. Maybe ‘cos you have two I can borrow one if I get lonely. Do you have one that you like best?”

Reggie shrugged.

“Maybe next time your mom and dad will have three. You could have all these babies like a baby army, and if someone’s ever mean to you, you will have like a hundred poopy diapers you can throw at them. No one likes poop.”

“I don’t want lots more babies,” Reggie said softly. I want no more.

“If you don’t like babies, you can come and live with us forever!” Liv suggested brightly, oblivious the the wobble of her cousin’s bottom lip.

When Estela popped her head around the corner to check on the kids, Reggie was in tears and Liv looked totally bewildered.

“Mommy, Reggie’s crying…,” she pointed out, rather unnecessarily, for her mother had already scooped the little boy into a cuddle.

“It’s okay, mijo,” Estela soothed as she gently rocked her nephew in her arms. “It’s okay to cry. This has been really hard. You know what? You have been such a good boy for Mommy and Daddy.”

Liv, not quite sure what to do, but nothing if not well-meaning, draped herself over Reggie and patted him on the back. “There, there. It’s okay.”

Estela took Reggie into the lounge room for some cheer-up time, and Liv took Big Bear. Taylor quickly joined them, and pulled Reggie into her lap for a cuddle.

“Are you feeling a bit sad, sweetpea?”

Reggie nodded. “Uh-huh. I liked it better how things were before. Everything’s different.”

Taylor gently rubbed the little boy’s arms. “Change can be really tough. It’s like you’ve got to figure out how life works all over again!”

“Yeah, it’s not nice.”

“So, it’s okay to have a good cry. We will give you as many hugs and cuddles as you need.”

“Reggie,” Liv piped up, “do you wanna play a game? That could make you feel happy?”

Reggie sniffed and nodded again. Pleased-- she had this cheering-up business down-- Liv plonked herself in Estela’s lap and leaned forward to her cousin.

“Do you wanna play… ‘Klaawyi Chase’?”

Estela intervened quickly. “Maybe something with a little less running around. It’s nearly bedtime, Livi.”

“Okay. Ummmm…. ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’?”

“Livita.”

Well, you’re no fun. Liv gave a soft huff and pondered. By her best guess, ‘Hide and Seek’ would be a ‘no’ too… especially as last time she’d hid, no one managed to find her for a full hour.

“How about,” Taylor suggested, “we have a game of ‘Fortunately-Unfortunately’?”

“I wanna play that one!” Reggie said enthusiastically. “Can I start? Fortunately, we all had ice cream for dessert.”

Liv bounced in her mother’s lap. “Unfortunately, the ice cream was smelly-feet flavour!”

“Livi!” Taylor exclaimed, rolling her eyes. Why was everything smelly-feet with that kid? “Okay, then-- fortunately, Robin Dog likes smelly-feet, so he ate all the ice cream for us.”

“Oh!” Liv cried. “I’ve got a really good one!” Hehe, Robin with smelly-feet farts….

“Unfortunately,” said Estela. “It was Mama Estela’s turn, and Miss Livita just had to wait.”

Liv turned and poked her tongue out at her mom, making Reggie giggle. He snuggled in against his Auntie Taylor’s chest, his mind far away from worries about his new role as big brother to a pair of very needy twins.

“Fortunately,” he said, smiling, “Furball was visiting, and he made us some new ice cream with no yucky flavours in it.”

“Unfortunately….”

_________________________

San Trobida, September 2035

It was the last weekend before school started, and a lazy warm day at the Montoya house. Estela was up a tree, hammering boards into what would soon be a playhouse for the kids. She’d already finished up a two-storey-high climbing wall on the other side of the yard, which, at Liv’s request, would eventually be connected to the new tree-house by a zipline. Then, there’d be a slide, and monkey bars, and a tyre swing, and a fire pole. Basically, Estela had made it her mission to put together the best backyard playground on the Costa Libertad. Taylor, meanwhile, had been busying herself with a vegetable garden, with the help of a fascinated Erin and her parents, who turned out to be quite clever when it came to soil chemistry.

Liv had been up and down her new climbing wall like a yo-yo, leaving her dog, Robin, running rings around the base and all but tripping Reggie up as he tentatively took his first steps towards ascending.

“Are you coming?”

“I’m trying! Your dog’s getting in the way.”

Eventually, Reggie managed to clamber his way up, with a little help from Liv who hauled him over the top.

“See; piece of cake.”

Reggie couldn’t quite agree, and now that he was up twenty feet, he was already dreading his descent back to solid ground. Keen to distract himself from the dizzying height, he passed Liv the rope that he’d carried slung across his shoulders.

“What do you want me to do with it?” she demanded. “You’re meant to drop one end back down….”

“I’m not going near the edge!”

“Fine. Immy! You down there still?”

On the ground, and trying to wrestle a squeaky toy giraffe from Robin’s mouth, Immy craned her neck up.

“Yeah-- but you’re lucky I am, Reggie was so slow.”

“Careful. I was careful. You should bloody well try it sometime.”

Immy rolled her eyes dramatically, but nonetheless took the rope end that Liv had lowered to her, and ran it over to Estela so the distance could be measured.

“There we go,” Liv said, after having marked the rope at the edge of the platform. “Done. Reggie, if you’re just going to look down, you might as well be on the ground. Come on-- check out the view!”

Begrudgingly, Reggie sat up properly and looked around.

“Woah.” Maybe he could see the appeal of being up so high, even if he was immensely grateful for the safety rails around the platform. “You really can see everything up here.”

“Isn’t it cool?” Liv beamed as she pointed her cousin towards the paddock behind the yard. “You wanted to see our horse? Right in there at the side of the sheltery-shed thing….”

“Oh, wow! Okay, fine, I believe you now. I guess she was just hiding earlier.”

“That’s Miel. She’s like, older than dirt; Mama Estela used to ride her when she was a teenager.”

“And she’s still alive?”

“Just about. I think she’s uh… nearly thirty? Pretty ancient. Mom found out she was all on her own after her friend died, and she bought her so she could retire here with us. She’s kind of a bitey asshole. Uh, the horse-- not Mom.” Liv quickly amended, glancing to the in-progress tree-house. “So, we’re keeping her, and if she wants to make friends with the new horses we’re getting, she can, otherwise at least she can, like, neigh rude horse words at them from over the fence.”

Reggie snorted. Weirdo.

“I’m super excited. I know Mama ‘Stel was kind of nervous about us moving over here because of how things were when she was a kid-- but it actually… feels nice. I love our new house. I love cranky Miel. I love that we’re gonna get chickens, and maybe a new friend for Robin. Even the school seems pretty good.”

Swallowing his fear, Reggie joined Liv at the railing, dangling his legs over the side of the platform.

“Yeah, I think I like it here, too. Mom and Dad seem really happy; Dad says he can make more of a good difference in the world here than in America. So, I guess that’s got to be good. Did I tell you we’re going to put a pool in?”

“You might have mentioned it. When you’ve been whining about the heat, for the hundredth time.”

“It’s so humid!”

Liv giggled. It was like being back in the tropics of La Huerta, and to her, that felt right. Granted, it might have been nicer if they could just pop on over into a neighbouring alpine region that was inexplicably right next to the hot, sticky jungle, but she really loved it.

“Well,” Reggie said, “it’s going to be great. And it should be done by the time Quinn and Michelle come to visit.”

“Do we even know whose house they’re staying at yet?”

“It should be my place.” Reggie puffed out his chest, as if to emphasise the rightness of his point. “You’re definitely getting Jake and Sean and Mikey. You can’t take all the visitors. And besides… we’ll have a pool.”

That was hard to argue with. “It’s up to the adults anyway,” Liv conceded. In the end, it didn’t matter; she was going to make the most of having her La Huerta family around even if it meant camping out in Reggie’s back yard. “But, I will be a much better San Trobida tour guide than you. I’m still showing you around.”

Reggie hmphed, and Liv laughed.

“Come on, Reggie,” she said, dropping gracefully down the side of the wall and taking up hand-holds. “I’m getting hungry.”

It was at that point that Reggie made the sobering discovery that going down, was rather more intimidating than going up a sheer vertical surface.

“Um, Liv…,” he said quietly. “I, uh, don’t think I can do that.”

“Oh!” Liv responded. “Sorry, I forgot you’re new to this. Maybe you should’ve started smaller. But don’t worry, I’ll get you down….”

“Okay…,” he murmured, clearly not remotely convinced.

“Mom!” Liv hollered, all but making her poor cousin topple over the edge in surprise. “Reggie’s stuck!”

Reggie felt heat rise in his cheeks as his sisters, hanging out on the grass below the wall at the worst possible time, burst out laughing. Like they could even get up this high to begin with.

Up in the tree-house, Estela looked up and wiped off the paint from her hands. Rescuing kids from scrapes had pretty much become her specialty at this point; twelve years with Liv had seen to that. “I’m coming,” she called back.

“I’m not exactly stuck,” Reggie muttered defensively, as his Tia Estela easily scaled the climbing wall to join him and Liv, who’d already rejoined him to offer moral support. “If I really wanted to, I could climb down; I just feel I should practice climbing up a few more times before I try that.”

“You’ll get there,” Estela said kindly. As far as she was concerned, the fact that her nephew had a realistic view of his own capabilities was only a good thing. “I’ll have that zipline going in no time anyway, so you’ll have no hurry to work it out.”

With his aunt’s back offered to him, Reggie took the cue and wrapped his long arms around her neck, and his legs around her middle. Getting rescued by one of the team of protective grown-ups? Basically, the story of both his and Liv’s lives.

“Hang on, Regito,” Estela laughed.

____________________________

La Huerta, 2034

The frigid wind howled against the cabin door, and it took all of Liv and Reggie’s combined might to wrestle it closed. Both kids were panting heavily-- and shaking like leaves-- as they nervously stepped away.

“Thank god this little hut was here, really,” Liv heaved. “I dunno about you, but I’d rather be stranded in a snowstorm with walls around me.”

Reggie said nothing, and just shivered, wrapping his arms around his own torso. He’d wrapped up-- as if his parents would let him go wandering into the colder pockets of the island without a heap of layers-- but the snow had wet his gloves through, and a chill was now spreading through his body.

“Hey,” Liv said, “we should… we should get a fire going. You look like you’re halfway turned into a popsicle right now.”

As his cousin busied herself at the fireplace-- thank goodness there was some firewood left-- Reggie fiddled with his emergency phone. His heart sank. No signal. His mom and dad were going to be so worried when he and Liv never came home….

“Uh, Liv… I think the storm’s screwed up the reception here. It won’t let me phone Mom and Dad.”

Liv looked up, and for the first time, she looked truly fearful, her usual intrepid spirit extinguished in a flash. “They’re really gonna panic,” she said softly. She shuddered. If their parents came out looking for them, it meant walking out into a blizzard, and all the danger that came with it. If she could just tell her mothers that she was safe, that she and Reggie had shelter… they could wait out the storm. Anything could happen, anything….

“Are you okay, Livia?” Reggie asked, and he handed her a heavy blanket as he sat down cross-legged in front of her feebly burning fire. “You look kind of spaced-out.”

“Hng?”

“They’ll find us; it’ll be okay.”

“I don’t want them to come and find us,” Liv snapped. “I want them to stay where it’s safe. They could get hurt or, or worse because we were stupid enough not to turn around when the weather changed.” She placed a stick too roughly, and her firewood tower collapsed, extinguishing the flame. “For fuck’s sake!”

Reggie, wisely, stayed quiet, letting his cousin fix up the mess and get a new fire started without interference. He watched her with concern as her eyes welled. “Livia…?”

She huddled close to him, but for a long while, didn’t speak.

“Reggie,” she murmured at last, “something really horrible happened a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t want to talk about it with you, ‘cause… ‘cause I didn’t even want to think about it…. It just made me feel too bad. But, uh.... I was… I was playing in the sea with Mama Estela. Just like we always do. We were just goofing off. Then, um, I got all tangled up in those freaking weeds. They grabbed me and held me under.”

“That must have been so scary….”

“Of course, Mom got me out of there. B-but there was a sea-snake in there. It bit her. It happened so fast… I hardly even saw what happened, but she suddenly just... could hardly even get out of the water. I somehow managed to haul her up out the water, but she was all limp and… and I gave her the anti-venom, and she just started having some kind of fit.. Like her body was jerking around, and her mouth was all frothy.” She gasped through a sob. “Then she… she stopped breathing, completely.” Liv shuddered as the memory filled her mind, vivid as if it were yesterday. She could feel Reggie’s wide, horrified eyes upon her. “I screamed. I screamed for help. Mama Taylor was up the beach, she couldn’t hear me. S-so I did CPR. My hands were shaking so-- so bad. And all I could think was ‘I’m gonna screw this up. I’m gonna screw this up and my mom’s gonna die’.” Her voice cracked and she sputtered through hot tears that she wiped away with her arm. Before she knew it, Reggie had his arms around her and was holding her tight. “I don’t know how long it was,” she said. “It felt like forever, but it was probably only a few minutes. Then she started breathing and I just… I cried, and cried, and cried.”

Reggie gently rubbed Liv’s back, and it soothed her.

“I, uh, I guess I always thought Mama Estela was invincible. To me, she always was. There was nothing I couldn't do either, because she would always be there to protect me. It was so close, Reggie… it looked like she was gone.”

“I… didn’t know it was as bad as that. My dad told me she’d been bitten but…,” Reggie mumbled. “You must have been so scared. Have you… have you talked to your moms about it much?”

Liv sniffed, and wiped her face again. “Yeah. You know what my Mama Taylor is like; we’ve talked it through lots, I’ve told them how I’m feeling. But I haven’t… like… had a big cry since it happened.” Until now. Now, she just couldn’t seem to stop the tears from coming. Reggie didn’t seem to mind; he just sat with her, and rubbed her back, and told her it was okay.

After what seemed like an age, her tears slowed.

“It is going to be okay, you know?” Reggie said gently. “Obviously, they’re going to come out looking for us, but they’re smart. They’ll be prepared; just like your Mama Estela was with the anti-venom.”

“Yeah…,” Liv said, her voice small. You could be as prepared as you wanted, but sometimes the world managed to stay one step ahead. The storm outside was wild and furious, battering on the roof and walls… and it was frightening. Liv could only snuggle under her cousin’s arm, and trust that whatever search and rescue party was out there would come through.

The two kids huddled together beneath their blanket, speaking little, but making their mutual support known without words. Just the squeeze of a hand through the most blood-curdling howls of the wind, and the simple offer of presence.

Somehow, the creak of the door shoved open cut through the dull roar.

“Oh, thank goodness!”

“Dad!” Reggie leapt forward and flung his arms around his father, his face lighting up further when Grace followed in behind. “Mom!”

Grace put her shaking hands to her son’s face, gently sweeping hair from his eyes. “Darling, are you all right?” Then she pulled Liv into a fierce hug, and in a moment Aleister had his arms around all three of them. “We were so worried!”

Liv whimpered against Grace’s shoulder. “Are my moms out in the storm?” She knew the answer already.

“Yes, honey. They’re out searching for you. Don’t you stress, okay? We’ve got a flare to set off so they’ll know we found you here-- and Varyyn and Diego too.”

“Woah,” Liv murmured, “you got a whole search party out.”

There was a buzzing, and the flickering of blue light, then Iris materialised.

Reggie beamed. “Hey, Grandma! So, a ‘whole search party’ is pretty much correct.”

“I will say, being able to scan for nearby lifeforms is quite handy in situations like these.”

So, find my moms and Tio Diego. Liv hugged tighter to her Auntie Grace, with no words pleading for help.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Grace said gently, stroking Liv’s face, while Aleister saw to setting off the flare. “It’s going to be just fine. We’re not far from Elyys’tel; we all fanned out from there, so no one is going to be too deep into the mountains.”

That… actually made sense. It was enough, just enough to keep Liv a step above panic-mode. She headed back to the fireplace, but as her backside hit the floor, a guttural roar rocked the cabin, and she leapt back to her feet.

“What the--?”

“You two stay back!” Aleister ordered, his voice shaking. Why, oh why, did the children want to go gallivanting out in the frozen wilderness when there was a perfectly serviceable tropical paradise right outside their front door? He was going to be old before his time at this rate….

Grace, though, was already hauling open the door, to reveal the hulking figure of the Mountain Guardian.

A growl rumbling in her throat, Arktos loomed in the doorway, looking down at Grace with a questioning gaze.

“Hello…?” she said cautiously. The gigantic bear-like creature was generally reasonably friendly…. “Did we… did we disturb you with the flare?”

Arktos grumbled, her furry ears flicking with curiosity.

“Our friends are out there in the storm,” Grace continued, certain that the yeti would understand; her past experiences had only supported the fact that this creature was incredibly intelligent-- and benevolent. “The flare was to bring them to this cabin.”

With a soft huff, Arktos shuffled backwards, and all of a sudden, it seemed as though she was surrounded by a force-field… a bubble that the wind and blinding snow couldn’t penetrate.

Understanding, Grace turned to Iris. “I think we’re going hiking again-- with a little extra help this time. Al, you’ll stay and watch the kids?”

“I--I--” Aleister stuttered. “Well, of course. Stay close to the… the bear thing.” Scrambling a little, he pulled off his outer layer and offered it to her. “I won’t have you catching hypothermia.”

And Grace stepped into the snow, Iris hovering behind her, and found shelter in the yeti’s protective shield. She looked up at the beast, now rearing up onto colossal hind legs to scout for signs of nearby human activity. “Thank you, Arktos. I guess… I guess, you choose the direction, and we’ll start the search.”

The unusual trio headed out into the storm, and within moments, they were invisible for the wind thick with snow. Aleister, a look of dumbfoundment upon his face, closed the door, and again, the cabin was quiet.

“Damn. Auntie Grace is a fricking badass,” Liv breathed, face alight in awe.

Aleister, recovering from his wife’s shock exit quickly-- he’d seen her steely courage in action enough times to just about take it in his stride, nodded. “Indeed.” He brushed the last flakes of snow from his coat, and looked around the room. “Well, I don’t suppose the wait will pass any faster with us standing around here. Reggie, did we leave any board-games here last time?”

“Uh, looks like we’ve got ‘Scrabble’?”

Well, Liv thought, I don’t have a hope in hell against these people. Should’ve left ‘Twister’ here….

Reggie sat himself down in front of the crackling fire and started unpacking the box. “Hey, Livia-- team up with me?”

He was clearly still a little worried about her. If there was an opportunity to thrash her at something, Mr Pedantic-Always-Right would take it without fail. Or so Liv had believed.

She plonked down cross-legged beside him. “Yeah? Yeah, all right.”

The two kids exchanged a high five, and Liv couldn’t help but grin. You are going down, Uncle Al.

___________________________

San Trobida, September 2035

As the car pulled up the neatly paved pathway to Aleister and Grace’s house, Liv excitedly rolled down the window.

“Reginaaaaald!!!” she hollered.

“How,” Aleister wondered aloud, “can such a small person-- and the offspring of Estela and Diego of all people-- sound so eerily like a bloody foghorn?”

A beaming Reggie followed his father out the front door. He exchanged hugs with both his parents-- and his two little sisters-- and then rushed to join his cousin on the back seat.

“Are you ready to go, mijo?” Estela checked in, suppressing a laugh as Taylor all but did a contortion act to give her nephew a hug from the front seat.

He had Liv, didn’t he? So, basically, he was ready for anything.

The short drive to the school saw the return of those pesky jitters, and Reggie knew from the way his cousin jiggled her leg the whole way there that he was definitely not alone in that. The school ground, filled only with kids their own age when they’d been there for orientation, was swarming with adolescents of all sizes-- and just about all of them were bigger than Reggie and Liv.

With an awkward hug and a kiss to her mothers in the front of the car, Liv bit the bullet and, bulging backpack in hand, stepped out into a brave new world. There was only one thing for it; Reggie would just have to take the plunge. He swung his backpack over his shoulder, and followed after his cousin.

“Welp,” said Liv, “here goes nothing!”

Reggie gave a nervous laugh and playfully bashed Liv with his backpack, putting a reassuringly silly grin on her face.

We’ve got this.

_______________________

NOTES

Little Xiraana is @mauvecatfic's baby. Check out her stories; you won't regret it!

If you read 'A Ride to Remember', you might remember Miel. She's the very same horse.

Aaaaand, the incident Liv is recounting during the snowstorm is the one you can read from Estela's perspective in 'Teething Problems: Part Two'.

[gumnut-logic]

The Dentist (pt14)

Okay, warnings for child abuse and nasty dentistry in this bit. I haven’t gone into great detail, but if you think this could be upsetting to you, please don’t read.

Still not the last bit, but we are getting closer. I hope this lives up to your expectations. There should be more to come. I have four days off work (yay!) and I plan to make use of them...when children are not demanding Minecraft and puzzle solving or incessantly talking in my ear (gotta love ‘em :D).

Oh, John was a little odd in this one, bit of a ghost...he will have more input in the next bit, I think.

Anyway, thank you all for your wonderful support ::hugs you all like squishy marshmallows :D :: I hope you enjoy this bit...well, as much as you can considering the topic.

From here.

-o-o-o-

Scott felt nothing but dread.

A quick trip to the showers, clothing and a word to John and he returned to the comms room like an executioner going to a beheading.

John, by his side, squeezed his shoulder.

To his surprise Virgil had relocated out onto the balcony. The sun was setting behind them and presenting a glorious pink sky over the ocean. The soft sounds of approaching night and the cool breeze calmed his hackles just a little. Virgil had moved a couple of deck chairs out onto the balcony. When he looked up and saw John, he stood up and grabbed another one.

A small table was full of food and Scott vaguely realised it was actually dinner time.

Gordon and Alan were conspicuously absent.

“Scott, John, have a seat. I’ve raided the pantry. Gordon and Alan are having a video game tournament in Alan’s room.” It was said with the scoff that made it obvious that Virgil knew they were missing for a reason. “Sit down and eat something.”

Scott was anything but hungry, but he did as his brother asked anyway, grabbing a slice of bread and throwing some ham, cheese and a little mustard on it.

He watched Virgil as his brother sat down with a bowl of soup. “Where did you get that?”

“Out of a can.”

Scott made a mental note to put together some more edible soft foods for the next few days.

John grabbed three beers out of the cooler stashed beside the table and handed one to each of them. Scott popped the cap and swigged a good mouthful. The cool bubbles on the back of his throat were wonderful.

But he was delaying the inevitable.

Virgil was gingerly scooping lukewarm soup into his mouth. The occasional wince proof that it was anything but comfortable.

Brown eyes flickered in his direction and frowned. “Eat your dinner, Scott.”

He didn’t answer, but shoved his sandwich in his mouth and chewed.

It was tasteless.

With half a bowl of soup left, Virgil winced one last time and put the bowl down and closed his eyes.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine. Just need to take it slow. Not my first mouth injury.”

No, it wasn’t. Scott’s heart clenched.

The sandwich slapped on the plate and was discarded on the table. A glance at John and Scott realised his younger brother hadn’t even bothered to put any food together and was just sucking on his beer bottle.

They were a sad trio.

“So, you going to tell me what has all of you so riled up?” Virgil stood up and put some covers over the food.

A gull screeched in the distance.

The breeze danced across Scott’s arms and raised goose pimples.

Virgil sat down on the edge of his lounger and turned to face him. “Please tell me. I can’t bear to see the fear in your eyes any longer.”

His heart leapt into his throat. He sat up and mirrored Virgil’s position, sitting on the edge of his lounger. John, silent as ever, slipped around and sat next to Virgil, his presence reassuring.

And insurance.

Scott swallowed. “Do you remember Grandma Taylor?”

Virgil blinked as if surprised. “Sure. How could I forget? She had a blue mohawk. Kinda unforgettable.”

The thinnest of smiles curled the corners of Scott’s lips. “Yeah, she was.” The ultimate source of Virgil’s artistic streak and entirely to blame for the horrible neo-punk era of Virgil’s early teens. She influenced from beyond the grave to the point Scott thought his brother might be haunted by her.

“What about her?”

The smile disappeared.

“Do you remember how you got your eyebrow scar?”

Virgil blinked. “Yeah, helping Grandpa Taylor with his vintage car. Tripped over and encountered his toolbox. Nearly took out my eye on the latch.”

“Did you hurt anything else?”

-o-o-o-

Virgil stared at Scott. The incident itself was pretty clear in his mind because of the scar he had to look at every morning in the mirror. He could remember the old car with its ancient canvas canopy and the wiggly windows he could barely reach. It had been a green car, but for the life of him, he had no idea what make or model. He couldn’t remember seeing it again after that incident. Which was odd since Grandpa Taylor had been so enamoured with it.

‘Helping’ was a far too generous word for what Virgil had actually been doing. Wandering around the car, poking his fingers into things that four year old fingers probably shouldn’t have been poking in. He remembered Grandpa lifting him into the driver’s seat and for a few brilliant moments he had been the driver of the stationary vehicle.

Why he had been running was forgotten, but the sudden airborne feeling and loss of control followed by a blast of pain...he remembered that.

His mouth twinged and he realised he was gritting his teeth. “No, just my head.” He fingered the scar on his left eyebrow. “Hurt like the bejesus.”

“You had stitches.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure you didn’t hurt anything else?”

A frown. “I don’t think so. Had a headache for days afterwards though.”

Scott looked awful.

“What is it?”

His brother looked away a moment as if steeling himself before catching his eyes. “You say you don’t know why you are afraid of the dentist.”

Virgil straightened, immediately tense. “No, I don’t know why. It’s a phobia, Scott, it doesn’t need a reason. It is not logical, but no less terrifying.”

Scott held up a hand. “Hey, you know I respect that. If there had been any other way, I would have taken it.”

Lips thinning, Virgil didn’t comment on that. Too raw.

“But I think we found a reason.”

“What?”

Scott swallowed visibly. “After you got your stitches, Grandma Taylor took you to the dentist.”

A blink. “No, she didn’t.”

“Eos found the records.”

“I had a bad reaction to the local anaesthetic they gave me for the stitches. You know how I react to drugs. Grandma took me home and I slept it off.” He’d been stuck in his bedroom at Grand Roca for days, his face aching, his mouth sore...

“No.”

Scott hand wrapped around his arm. “The records say that you attended the dentist and had a filling and a tooth repair.”

“I don’t have any fillings.” Okay, technically not true anymore, thanks to the crown installed yesterday.

“They were in your baby teeth.” Scott’s fingers tightened just a little as John handed him a tablet with a photograph on it. “Do you remember this man?”

Virgil’s eyes landed on a middle aged, balding, smiling face.

And he was stumbling backwards, tripping over the lounger he had been sitting on, scrabbling to get purchase and get out of there. Hands caught him and for a second he was there, strapped in a chair, bright light glaring into his eyes, that smooth voice sickly sweet and encouraging each time he cried out.

“Virgil!”

Scott. His beloved big brother was holding him. He was sprawled on the hardwood floor. His brother’s heart pounded in his ear as Virgil slowly wilted against him. “Who was that?” He squeezed his eyes shut, confused at his reaction, the terror, and the question of why.

John curled up and sat in front of the two of them. “He was the dentist.”

“What did he do to me?” It came out high pitched and fear-filled.

Scott’s arms tightened around him as he answered. “We don’t know.” This time he felt his brother swallow. “Six months after your visit, a five year old boy died in that chair and Dr Leonard Bornstein was found responsible.”

“Leo. Doctor Leo.” It came out so dry and parched it hurt his throat. He could see the smile now, above him as he cried. “What did he do?”

Those arms tightened around him again. “He was a sadist. He tortured children and he was in the perfect position to do it. When questioned he blamed it on childhood fears and misbehaviour.”

“Grandma didn’t believe me.” It came out in a rush, memories stabbing at him. “I was too sensitive. Needed to toughen up.” Oh god. He squeezed his eyes shut at the betrayal, self doubt and shame. “Let me up. I need to get up.”

Scott’s arms loosened around him and Virgil struggled to his feet. Both his brothers stood, both obviously worried about him and staring at him like he was a fragile explosive about to go off in their faces. He straightened forcing some strength into his spine. He was no longer a kid. “Alan said he died?”

John spoke up. “Several years ago, in a psychiatric prison.”

“Why were we never contacted about this?”

“There was no court case, the diagnosis was enough. He pleaded guilty and disappeared into the system.”

“A child died.” In that chair, with the drill, its high pitched whine humming in his bones, touching down on his teeth, his gum, the taste of blood in his mouth, fat fingers prodding at the back of his throat prompting him to gag...

His stomach rolled and his body complied, his sparse dinner making a return trip. He barely made it to a potted plant before losing it all.

Acid burned in the back of his throat as he tried to choke on himself.

A hand rubbed his back as a glass of water and a box of tissues appeared beside him. His already sore teeth screamed blue murder and he took the water gratefully, washing his mouth with its coolness. The headache that had threatened earlier in the day took advantage and settled in, the left side of his head pounding to the beat of his heart.

The hand continued to rub his back.

“God, this sucks.”

“Yeah, it does. I’m so sorry.”

“Well, at least I have a reason.”

Scott drew him close, wrapping his arms around him again, a large hand holding his head to his big brother’s shoulder. “Yeah, you have one hell of a reason.”

-o-o-o-

TBC

[theprojectatedensgate]

I know he's not apart of the family, but can I prompt a Nick Rey reaction to walking in on the fem/dep singing "oh john" to his baby girl to get her to go to sleep?

Yes this is such a good idea! 

Nick wiped the sweat of his brow and leaned back into the couch, wrench still in hand. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply,running his free dirtied hand through his hair. Carmina had a few nuts loose and it was a tiring job in the Montana heat, thankfully the sun was setting now, the cool evening air slowly pooling in, Cicada’s beginning their nightly tune. Being a new Father sure was an experience, the night feeds, the crying (from both parties), the Diapers. He shuddered at the thought, but he could’t be more proud. His and Kimmy’s beautiful baby girl, Little Nikki. She had her mothers eyes, a little brown tuft of Nick’s hair, she was the apple of his eye. Nick had left her with The Deputy to go and fix his plane, she was a keen God parent, always bringing new clothes and tiny socks. The birth of this baby had been a well needed miracle for Hope County, lifting the Resistances spirits. Speaking of which, where was his little monster? 

Nick rose to this feet, placing the wrench down on the coffee table and stretching out his arms. The house was silent, save for the noise of Kim’s bath water running upstairs. Rook’s generous supervision had given her some time to relax, taking the opportunity for a soothing, hot bubble bath. Rook must be upstairs with the baby, settling her down to sleep. He climbed the stairs in jog, stopping once he heard it. Soft singing, a gentle sound. Nick wasn’t sure who it was at first, making his way past the bathroom, he leaned his ear against the door, nothing, it wasn’t Kim. Perplexed he carried on to the nursery, the tune getting louder as he travelled, eventually forming words. He stopped at the open door when he saw it, un moving as he listened. 

The Deputy was cradling Nikki against her chest, rocking her lightly, eyes lazily closed. It was a heartwarming sight, Nick smiled at the Dep’s softness, so used to seeing the War torn side of her. It was a relief to see that she still had these feelings, they could still form a bond with a child. He focused on the words and his stomach dropped. The tune was familiar, too familiar. No they couldn’t be! They weren’t really singing that to his little monster?

“Oh, John… Bold and Brave… 

Oh, John… Keep us safe…

 He’s gunna’ march us right through Eden’s Gate…

 He’s gunna’ march us right through Eden’s Gate…”

 Nick squirmed on the spot, he wasn’t sure whether to keep listening or confront them. She sung that tune too sweetly for who it was about. The man who had caused the Rye’s so many problems. John Seed. 

“I know you’re not singing “Oh John” to my little girl.“ 

Rook spun around quickly, smooth enough not to wake Nikki. Her singing halted and heat flushed to their face.

 "Nick. Sorry I didn’t realise you were there.”. They lent over the cot, gently laying Nikki down whilst cradling her head.

 “You were seriously singing that song to my kid?” Rook couldn’t help but snort, a smile breaching her face. They turned to face Nick who looked borderline pissed and in disbelief. He stared at them intensely, waiting for an explanation. 

“Well… You see, it’s kinda’ the only thing that settles her down, she won’t listen to anything else.” Nick’s jaw dropped forming a silent “O”. Rook couldn’t help but snicker at his reaction. “I’m sorry Nick! I didn’t mean to, it started when I was babysitting her the other week, we were driving into Fall’s End to meet Mary and she would just not settle down. The radio was playing hymns and “Oh, John” came on and she was out like a light. She won’t settle any other way since.“ She shrugged their shoulders at him and Nick huffed. 

“Why was the radio on the Peggy station in the first place?” It was Rook’s turn for their mouth to hang open, she faced the floor shuffling her feet before meeting his gaze. 

“I like em’. The hymns. They’re catchy!” Nick slapped his palms against his head and sighed, rolling his eyes. Rook was embarrassed, revealing their tendency for Peggy hymns, they fought the urge to giggle, Nicks reaction was so over the top. 

“You’ve turned my daughter into a god damn Peggy!” Nick cried, waving his arms in the air. Rook had to stifle a laugh and shush the angry Rye.

 “Nick! Shh! you’ll wake her up and I’ll have to sing it again.” 

“John Seed is the only thing that calms my kid down.”

 “No it’s not him, it’s just the choir that sings it. It’s their voices that make her sleep.” 

“Dep’ he sings in the choir, he wrote the damn songs!” 

Rook couldn’t help the silent laughter that poured from them, her ribs constricting in an effort to be quiet. Nick just stood there, head shaking in incredulity, hands now bracing his hips. They needed to find an alternative quickly. 

“Aww god, I didn’t realise! I’m so sorry Nick! I’ll keep looking for a different song.”

 “There’s no way anyone can know about this, especially John. The whole of Hope County will know otherwise and he won’t let us forget it.” 

“But I already told Mary May.”

 “You told Mary before me?”

 “You never asked!”

 Nick sighed, leaning against the door frame, his fingers rubbing his beard.

 “If Kim finds out she’ll flip shit. Only play her rock from now on, she’ll be raised properly. Come on, lets go get a beer and forget this ever happened.” Rook grinned at the offer, nodding her head lightly, they followed Nick out the door, picking their radio off of the shelf and shoving it into their back pocket.

 What she hadn’t noticed, was the button of the radio stuck down. The button always caught slightly, sometimes not turning off when they press it. Rook had meant to get a new one but living in a War zone made errands difficult, the Resistance always at the front of her mind. It wasn’t a huge problem, But Rook didn’t feel like broadcasting all their conversations on the frequency, you never know who could be listening. 

John leaned back in his office chair, finger tips pressed together, a smirk on his expression. His radio lay facing upwards on his desk in front of him and he couldn’t help but grin at it all. He had been flicking through the frequencies, attempting to find the Deputy’s line to send her a well meant threat, when he did, he found that her radio was on but it was just static. It was Odd. to say the least, he wondered if she had dropped it or even better, she could be dead. But that thought had a pin in it once he heard Deputy’s voice, muttering quietly. John realised they must of put it on by accident and always being one to eavesdrop, he waited and listened, the result was music to his ears. John clucked his tongue, rising from his seat, he moved towards the CCTV monitors, clasping the radio to bring it with him. Watching the monitors he switched frequencies, pride flooding through him. when finding the right one he raised it to his lips. Breathing with excitement, he pressed the button down. 

“Nick.” 

Thanks for requesting this was awesome to write! Enjoy! 

[sunnycityshadypeople]

Defining Heartbreak: The Friendzone

I felt like writing and I guess could be a place to put it as it’s my only social media account where I have a bit more anonymity.    I feel hung over as fuck today, but noticed when I was articulating some deeper thoughts with someone that instantly felt better - so here goes with a story not of woe is me, but of the discovery I made about myself  Unrequited love over the years has reared it’s head a couple times.    In my early twenties, a guy I met online on Gaydar (is that site still a thing) - became a friend. I was actually his first gay friend and we hung out a lot.  We both went ot the same university and had one class that we both had in common - despite studying different degrees.   I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him. Nothing sexual ever happened between us.   He then went overseas to live in France for a year - studying at the same university that the recently departed Kofi Annan.   Fast forward a year and over that time of missing him, I realised I had feelings for him and the cliche of distance only making the heart grow fonder certainly rung true.   When he finally returned to Australia, I was so happy to see him and a bunch of us hit the town together. A friend brought his rather cute pal along and joined me and my crush on a night out.   As it turns out, my friend’s cute pal ended up hooking up with my crush.  In a tree. IN A FUCKING TREE.  

I was crushed.      Like *spoiler alert* Captain America watching his best mate Bucky die or Tony Stark seeing a fading spiderman begging him not to go.   Yeah I was in my early 20s but it was defining moment of heartbreak. 

I dont remember how long after but I was moping around at my brother’s place and my sister was there.  She saw me dejected and withdrawn, asking me ‘what’s wrong?’ - I left out the front door and sat on the balcony and ugly cried.   And not the ugly crying I did when KFC stopped selling hot and spicy chicken, this was far far worse.  And a defining moment of heartbreak.  Sidebar:  I’ve always been a bit of a philosphical existentialist - mainly due to the the movie ‘The Matrix’.  The nature of reality fascinates me.    When I was 18, the philosphical book ‘The Celestine Prophecy’ came into my life... I actually ‘found’ the book on the street (I kid you not!) and it changed my life and the way I think abnd that’s where the true existentialist in me had an awakening. anyways. I’ve always been an introspective soul -- something perhaps most people I know don’t realise.  The cyclic nature of life (ok picture me holding my laptop up ala the Lion King pose as we sing the Circle of Life) - means that sometimes it feels like things repeat themselves.  I sometimes forget about the lessons that we need to learn and of course it came from another defining moment of heartbreak - this time in my mid 30′s.  I’d started chatting to this guy on a dating app mid 2016.    I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him.   Feeling a sense of De ja vu?  No,it’s not a glitch in the matrix.    I tend to have a long lead time before I meet anyone online (I’m sure there’s a basis of fear of rejection in there but really are you that surprise after hearing that fucking sob story before!?) Anyways, we ran into each other at the gym and that was the first time we met.  We hung out a few times, and certainly these felt like dates.  We had a lot in common (and a lot in difference too), laughed alot and he was probably the first guy in a long time I met whose personality I loved.    He was witty at time cutting, his text game was super strong - but I’d usually own him face to face.   We’d spend our days jibing at each other trying to insult each other with memes (because Memes are life, right!?).  One time I was chatting to him via text -  describing a guy I used to like and how this dude and I had a lot common, was super nice... he replied to me ‘Kinda like us really?’  AND WHOA hold up this could be a romantasiced re-telling of my overthinking interpretation of a message - but that was sliding doors moment that would lead me to my next defining heartbreak.     I should have taken the bait.  But I was scared.  My absolute fear of rejection was scared to just tell this dude I like him - even if I was misconstrued in that message.    I do prefer voice messages over text because tone is a hard mother fucker to judge - thank god for emojis and ifs but still - just press that record button on whatsapp (He didnt’ like voice messages as he thought they were lazy) whereas I like to really convey my meaning.

Unless that meaning is ‘cue Madonna’ “IM CRAAAAZY FOR YOU TOUCH ME ONCE and you’ll know it’s truuuuue I never wanted anyone like this it’s all brand new... you’ll feel it in my kiss, you’ll feel it in my touch because I’m crazy for you - touch me once and you’ll know its’ true’

Anyways sorry about that Australian Idol gone Karaoke wrong moment. If you’ve fallen asleep reading this, you can thank me for the cure to insomnia later.  Ok, cut to the chase Jimbo - fast forward a year and half of being friends with someone you secretly love.  I use the term’ secretly’ loosely - because OMG was I just coming across as the love sick despo girl - random presents in his mailbox, being the nicest most supportive, generous friend - because hey, maybe he’ll come around if I kill him with kindness.  There’s an excellent article on being in the friendzone you should read by the way - I’ll talk about that later. I’m not going to go into details out of respect for this guy, but I knew inherently and the truth of the matter was no matter what I did or who I was - he was still on his Rupaul ‘can’t love nobody unless you love yourself’ journey.   So the harsh reality, and the ‘hes just not that into you’ vibes as espoused by Oprah back in the day meant this defining heartbreak was a bit different to the first.   I knew it was too far into the friendzone (never say never, but yeah let’s be real).. if it’s in the friendzone, they have to give you something that’ll finally get you into the endzone.  Anyways, I’d do anything for this guy.  Despite actually rationally speaking he didn’t tick some major core values for me.  It’s funny how attraction works.   A close friend who is a counsellor told me about ‘attachment styles’ (look it up, I wont digress more than I already have) - but essentially I was a major victim (of my own doing, because people don’t cause us to feel - we cause us to feel - think about that for a sec).. I was a major victim of treat em mean keep em keen. And I kept coming back for more.   I even tried weening myself off him by disengaging and that was great, but then we re-engaged. His was of re-engaging was sending me a message that said ‘Welfare Check’.  If it was me, I’d be like ‘Hey dude, I miss you! whats up!?’  The last time we saw each other was almost 2 months ago - nothing dramatic went down, but after not seeing the guy for a few weeks - he could only afford me about 40 minutes of his time.    It was a pleasant catch up but neither of us have communicated since.   He’s stubborn and I’m stubborn too.  But ulimately, it’s not healthy for me to love someone who doesn’t know what to do with my love.   And I look back at my own behaviour and do a major eyeroll because I really should save that stuff for someone who likes me back. That article I mentioned above - which I’ll post the link to - had a very simple suggestion and rule to avoid unrequited love and being in the friendzone. Only like somone who likes you back. OH MY FUCKING GOD REGINA YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO! Anyways, I’ve had some amazing dates and met a couple awesome guys (there’s still a them of them not living in the same city as me but hey I can deal with that for the moment). I have a lot of love in my life and the love I give  is welcomed and I’m not feeling like I’m being treated as an afterthought.  I emphasis ‘feeling’ because the truth is, I may not be an afterthought to him.   But actions do speak louder than words, and his inaction has spoken to me.   That’s cool.   My love will always be there.   But in defining heartbreak, I defined myself and thank you for reading this I’d like to thank the academy and you for being you. You are loved. 

[ladygiselasencen]

@honorablescythecurie

it’s 1672 words long btw,,, please don’t like or rb ty!!! <3

Leo couldn’t understand what was going on. Why he’d been made to sit in the backseat, why Sammie had stood outside for almost two minutes after he’d gone in, why the car ride had just seemed… off.

Ever since Sammie’s arrival less than a week ago, Gina had seemed different. It wasn’t a bad different, per se, but it was a side of her that Leo had never seen before. He wasn’t sure if he was the only one who noticed, but he hoped he wasn’t.

As he sat down at the greasy table Andre had saved for them, he put his worries out of his mind. They didn’t matter now. Gina would be there, sure, but it wouldn’t just be her and Sammie. Mally and Andre were going to be there, so Leo wouldn’t be alone. Plus, he might be able to ask the other two if they’d noticed the shift in Gina’s personality as well.

“What’s fresh!” he said to Andre as Sammie joined them. “Gina’s just parking, she’ll be right in.”

“Not too much. I didn’t order yet, figured I’d wait for you guys.” He pulled out his phone. “Mally’s almost here. We can wait for her.”

“Hey, Andre.” Sammie’s voice was gentle and soft, a total shift from how she’d been in the car. To say Leo was confused was an understatement. Sure, Sammie was typically more subdued, but this total flip seemed unprecedented. Had something happened? Had he caused it?

His questions remained unanswered as the bells above the door jingled. Gina and Mally walked in together, Gina explaining, “We ran into each other in the parking lot across the street,” The newcomers sat down in two of the vacant wooden  chairs. “You guys wanna go up and order?”

“Sure,” Leo and Andre stood up. Sammie, he noticed, stayed where she was, smiling at Mally. Although he desperately wanted to, he decided not to say anything of it, and instead headed up to the counter with Andre.

“Yo, what is up with girls?” he asked, glancing back at the table. “Did you notice anything?”

“What? Uh, no, I didn’t see anything,” Andre said as he dug through his wallet. “Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Huh.” There were a lot of words one could use to describe Andre, but Leo never would have included flustered on that list.

“Is something wrong?” Leo pressed.

Andre snapped out of his searching state. “Oh, it’s fine. I was just looking for Susan.” He whipped out a Susan B. Anthony silver dollar. “I thought I lost her.”

The coin gleamed in the dim light of the shop. Andre had found it in a jar of coins at his house years ago, he’d told Leo, and he’d polished it up and put it in a separate pocket of his wallet. What seemed odd to Leo was that there was no way for Susan to get lost. The pocket had a small zipper, and it was separate from the change pocket. Andre’s dismissal made no sense, but Leo didn’t press more.

Everyone seemed off today, and Leo couldn’t understand why. Gina forcing him to sit in the back, Sammie’s mood shift, the likely lie Andre had told him. At least Mally seemed…as normal as she could get. Even across the cafe, Leo could hear her conversations above the quiet chatter of every table closer to him. Mally’s quiet was most people’s average. But what good did a normal Mally do if everyone else was acting strange?

Leo was so lost in thought that he wasn’t even sure he ordered, but by the time he rejoined reality he had a hot chocolate in his hands, indicating that he must have ordered. However, it wasn’t his drink status that brought him back, but instead someone snapping at him.

“Hey, blockhead. You in there?” Mally was snapping her fingers not two inches from his nose. “Yoo-hoo! Someone asked you a question!”

“Get outta my face,” he said as he swatted her hand away.

“No. Gina asked you a question, you dumbass. Answer her.”

“Uh, what was the question?”

“Oh my-”

“What did I do?” Leo cried, exasperated.

“Doesn’t matter!” Gina said as exasperatedly as Leo. “I said, are we doing anything after this? Or just hanging here?”

“I- uh, I’m not- I mean, why are you asking me?” he stammered. Pulling out his phone, he realised they’d been there almost an hour.

“Andre has work, and Sammie and I gotta get home soon. We weren’t planning on doing anything else, were we?” The annoyance in Gina’s tone couldn’t match the anger and frustration that was apparent in her eyes. Last night when they were texting, she had suggested they go downtown after getting coffee, but Leo decided it was best if he didn’t bring it up.

“No, this was it. If you guys have to go, then go.” He wasn’t sure what had happened, but as Gina, Sammie, and Andre said their goodbyes, he stayed seated.

“What the hell is going on?” he asked Mally after a moment. “Gina’s acting weird, Sammie’s acting strange, Andre brushed me off with what I think was a lie? I don’t get it.”

She took a drink of her nearly-empty water bottle and sighed. “You just don’t get it at all, do you?” The corners of her mouth had turned up into a small smile. “I knew you were oblivious, but this is a new level.”

Mally turned her head just enough that she was facing Leo. “Can you connect the dots yourself, or do you need me to hold your hand?”

Leo wasn’t sure what expression his face had, but clearly, it was a look of confusion, because Mally just sighed again.

“Of course you need me to walk you through all of it.” She paused for a long moment before saying, “Gina has a crush on Sammie, and it’s painfully obvious. Sammie has a crush on Gina, but it’s not as evident. There’s some other stuff going on with Sammie that I shouldn’t get into, but whatever. If you just watch them for a minute, the body language of those two, plus the way they act? Please. It’s obvious.”

Leo sat in stunned silence. That was why Gina had been acting strange? And Sammie…he had to admit that something had seemed a bit off about her too.

“So wait, Gina and Sammie like each other?” He remembered that Gina had said something about that once, liking boys and girls, but it still didn’t make sense to Leo. Besides, she’d said it in middle school, and it hadn’t mattered then. A lot of people were dating, but not Gina or Leo. It was still the same old Gina, and he was still the same old Leo. It had never resurfaced until… now, apparently.

“Yeah, that can happen.” Mally looked at him very pointedly. “You do know I’m a lesbian, right? And I dunno about Sammie, but she seems like one too. Gina’s bisexual, which is… without getting into the complicated discussion about transphobia, it basically means she is attracted to both boys and girls. It’s a bit more in-depth than that, but that’s an extremely watered-down definition.”

“Wait- you’re a lesbian?” He knew that wasn’t what he should be focusing on, but the words escaped his lips before he could stop them.

“I literally told you guys that in fall of freshman year,” she deadpanned. “But that’s not what the issue is right now. Right now it’s about Sammie and Gina. They’re smitten with each other and neither one seems to notice that the other clearly is as well. It’s embarrassing, really.”

“Uh, yeah,” Leo said. “Right- they need to, uh, hang out? Or go on a date? I’m not sure?”

“They need to hang out, yes, but they’re doing that right now. Gina gave you a ride over, right? She left you here with no way home. The pair of ‘em were going to Gina’s, I think. I’m gonna see if I can push them along, maybe, but your best bet is just to not say anything about a relationship. At all. It’ll backfire, trust me.”

Mally’s stoicism had quickly turned to enthusiasm, and she seemed almost breathless. Leo wasn’t sure how he was meant to interpret all of this. “So just...don’t say anything?”

“Yeah, that’s it. By the way, do you need a ride home? Gina kinda dipped without you.”

“Oh, yeah, that would be great. And uh, what was Andre acting all weird?” he asked as he stood up and started gathering the trash left on the table.

“He was? I didn’t notice,” Mally replied as she grabbed her lanyard off the table. “Here, put the garbage in this empty cup, we’ll toss it when we leave.”

“Nuh-uh,” he said. “Don’t brush me off. What’s up?”

“Nothing! Really!” She avoided his gaze, turning to stack up the napkins they hadn’t used.

“That’s bullshit. What is going on?” When she further averted her gaze, he became upset. What was so important that she couldn’t give him a straight answer?

“Mallory Lemmon, you tell me right now.”

“I can’t!” she cried. “He made me promise. He’ll tell you if he wants to. Now, do you want a ride or not?”

Leo took a step back. It wasn’t often that Mally acted like this, so it stood to reason that maybe something really was wrong with Andre. Then again, he knew he couldn’t press more, or he’d lose his ride home.

“Yeah, a ride would be great. Let’s go,” he said, already heading towards the door. He tossed the garbage as he left the building, and stood in the same spot Sammie had barely an hour and a half before. He’d thought it was strange, but now he knew; to stop and stand is to think, to mull over the events that have happened, or will be. Leo knew what had happened, but not what would come. All he knew was that he needed to hope for the best.

[rvb-junior]

Anonymous ask: do you have any pets? What are their names? Why do you keep them? What got you into keeping them? Do you have any future pet plans? 💖💖

Ok anon do u really wanna get into this convo? Itll take a while.

Okay so im at college so rn the only pets with me are my fishb a male halfmoon plakat named Cosmos Florence the second, a nerite snail named Nertb and a black mystery named Onyx. I keep them because god man i just. I just love em so much ya know? Its like. I have this little ball of hate and rage in my dorm who has such a beautiful personality and then to complement that i have these chill snaild who r just trying really hard. Back home we have even more pets and oh man oh man i love them?? They are what love and joy looks like?? We have my dogs, cat, turtle, lizards, birds, hairless guinea pigs, fish, and chickens.

The chickens are named Short Bread and Oreo bevause of how they looked when they were younger. Oreo is a little spunkyer that Short bread while i think short bread is a little…. Confused? Yeah just generally confused by everything.

We have Mr. T, our full grown, healthy red ear slider who lives in a small pond in the back yard with a few feeder fish he never ate. Those fish have grown to be his pals and he just. Hase never eaten them.

Then we have the birds, Able, who likes to tell at you if u look at her to long. Her hobbys are chewing through toys as she is hanging from them and being suprised when she falls. We then have Birbank, named after the airport my dad found him at, who lives very closely with his bf Ruby. Birbank is a grey and white cockatiel and Ruby is a green Indian Ringneck. They had being more than 2 feet apart for longer than 2 seconds and often u will find Ruby yelling when Birbank flys somewhere he cant go (ruby doesnt know how to fly) and birbank screaming when he realises the mistake he made. Ruby likes to give people kisses and is a lover, not a fighter. Birbank likes to hiss at peanuts and ignore everything besides Ruby. Next we have our Canary, Mango whos fav food is blue berrys and kale. He likes to sing when he hears trumpets and my flute. He has a club foot so when we adopted him the bird rescue we got him from was relived because no one else would take him. He is the most graceful flying bird i have ever seen! Finally we have the zebra finch named Shimmy. When we first adopted him he had a super bad plucking problem and was almost completly bald but hes doing much better now, aggressivly peeping when he hears the canary.

Okay now we have 2 lizards, a leopard gecko named Romeo and a crested gecko named Gargoyle. Romeo is a sweet boi with a chubby tail who loves his crickets fast and his meal worms slow. He has one of those reptile hammocks but he prefers climding his cave more. Gargoyle is a sweet girl who will only eat her food when it starts to harden again for some reason. We dont know why but she does and shes kinda a butt. But ya gotta love her!

Our cat’s name is Figaro and she’s currently bald. She had to get shaved, the vet said shes getting up in her years so when she stopped grooming for a month and got matts in her long fur they said she had basicly cat arthritis. Shes doing good and her hobbies are (well atleast when i was home) meowing in my mouth at 3 am to tell me she ate all her food and wanted more.

Wr have 5 dogs so just get ready for that. All our dogs but 1 is a rescue. Coal is a chow/black lab mix. She was adopted as a pup from a local animal rescue and she kniws the mist tricks. Shes a good girl who likes hugs, treats, and when u massage her face. Her favorite toy is a yellow stick that she will bring to you when asked. Shes the second youngest! Lily is the youngest, i sometiems call her satan but only because she is a trickster! You will turn around and shell be on the table eating food, stealing anything from coal, and trying to think up world domination. She and Coal are super close, when we got her Coal went all MaMa dog and now they are inseparable. What makes it better is that Lily is a half Chihuahua/Pomeranian mix so shes tiny next to Coal. Our third youngest is Scarlet, wr think shes the product of a long hair Chihuahua and a deer head Chihuahua. Shes a primadonna who enjoys her alone time and pets. She also like to be held, mainly like a baby so u can hold her and tub her tum. She also REALLY LIKES CAR RIDES like man even going to the vet shes jazzed. Second oldest is Vinnie, a pug my bro ham adopted. Hes super sweet and good he likes face squishes and whrn he naps his tail uncurles. He stands very proper like hes a gentleman and likes to sit on ur feat. He has a grain allergy so he eats special grain free food. Next we have the oldest of our dogs MY SWEET BABY GIRL GIGI. shes my sun and moon. We got gigi when i was 8 and when i was 10 my sister went to college, leaving her for me to takr care of. And well, shes literally the most important thing in the world to me. My sister got her from a breader (which i dont like cus dogs in shelters need homes) but shes a Brussels Griffon so the breader croped her ears and tail. I DO NOT CONDONE THE PRACTICE OF CROPPING AND PART OF A DOG UNLESS SUGGESTED BY A VET, SOME DOGS GET THEIR TAILS CROPPED BECAUS ETHEY BREAK BONES IN THEM AND THAT IS THE ONLY CROPPING I CONDONE. Her ears were cropped lopsidedb and improperly which brought many problems to her later on. She developed many ear infections that have caused her to scratch her ears until they bleed, has had medication for 3 different ear infections, and has almost no ear canal left. Her vet has told us she is almost deef. Also as she got older she got chronic dry eye and takes medicated eye drops for it but shes fine as long as she has those. She needs loud or sharp sounds to get her attention so i trained her to respond to clapping, whistling (which i do very loudly) and snapping fingers. She is a sweet heartb adn a super velcro dog! I cried for three days after i had to go to college and they drive her up to visit me. When im home she goes looking for me if im out of site for 2 minutes, will wait at the bathroom door for me, stare up the stairs when i go to shower, and press her face against closed doors she knows i went through. Whne she does the last thing i have to drum my fingers on the door so she knows to move back before i open it. I miss her horribly and i skype her almost every day, she gets super excited! The first few days i was gone she actually wouldnt stop barking at night. Shes also a cuddle baby and she doesnt sleep unless she is touching me ao it was probably rough for her. I miss her but ill be able to see her in october when i go to my sisters wedding.

The fish! Okay so my mother has a 75 gallon gold fish aquarium and a 30 gallon in the garage with nithing in it yet (shes thinking tetras). The gold fish tank has 2 butter fly tails and some bristle nose plecos. It also has many a snail rn! A friend of ours dismantled a large aquarium of his own ( he is going through a very hard time financially and im hoping everything works out for him) and gave us the plecos and snails. The snails are 3 rabbit snailsb one nerite (he gave us 2 but the other is with my betta) a few black mysteries, and a golden apple who i named Big Mama.

Lemme tell u about big mama real fast. I call her this because, first of all shes a full grown golden appleb second of all because shes a mama. He had a live planted tank thich included a moss ball he has been taking care of for 5 year, its the size of my head and when we put it in the 75 gallon it because the main pice of the tank. What we found out later was that Big Mama had made her family in ut and we have abou 20 BABY GOLDEN APPLES IN THERE ALONE!! He also gave us an anibius fern which i put in my betta’s tank and after getting to college and living hear for a few weeks i found out there were eggs on it because I KNOW HAVE MANY A BABY GOLDEN APPLE. these ones tho r much smaller than the moss ball ones, mine being hatchlings and those being the size of a finger nail. But anyway they have grown large enough where i can tell they r not pest snails and i will be rehoming them to other fish keepers in my dorms once they get a little bigger.

My mom has 3 hairless guinea pigs. Did you know that at petco people tend to walk in and drop off pets they “just dont want any more”? Well it hapoens a lot and my mom fell in love with them instantly. We have Billy, the oldest, Piggy, the middle in age, and sweet baby Bear who is small and young. They are all good boys and are doing very well so far in their new home! My mom had already owned billy and was looking into getting him friends, (guinea pigs live friends! They actually should be kept in atleast pairs but we were not aware at first, now we know better) all three of them are being slowly introduced! Bear and Piggy already live together but we dont want to rush this process and put billy right into the mix, that would probably be the worst think. They are slowly beibg acclimated to eachother.

I guess you could say i love pets because they are sweet and wonderful. I keep most of them because i know i can care for them, that i have the space, and the resources. I have the time and the will to foster a loving home for all my pets, and so does my family. Animals are a big part of my life and i love all of them with all my heart.

My future plans? Well nothing soon! Im in a dorm so Cosmos and his snail friends are all ivr got planed rn. But i hope to, onece in the distante future, get a tank with a school of danionella dracula in it, they are tiny fishb only getting half an inch in side. But id need a good tank for them since they school about 12 and id like to do the whome thing live plants (i also want one of those rimless aquatiums hnnnnnnnngh) i hope to upgrade cosmos to a larger aquarium b currently hes in a 2.5 which is enough for a betta, sure, but id rather he be in a 5 gallon. But really? I just wanna go home n be with GiGi more than anything.

Thank you for the ask!

[dhjdb]

I HAVE TO WRITE SOMETHING DOWN ABOUT LAST NIGHTS EPISODE OF PRETTY LITTLE LIARS AND ALL THE EMISON OMG

I dont really know where to start cause words can not express how much last nights episode meant to me omg. So let’s start with the whole Alison is pregnant with Emily’s baby thing. When they actually made this canon in the previous episode I was feeling alot of emotions at once. I was happy because that would mean they would become mommies together, but the Paily kiss completely ruined it for me and made it seem like they were trying to force Emison back together. This episode however they perfectly portrayed what we had all been hoping for Emison when we were theorising about Em’s eggs being fertilised and used to impregnate Ali. We saw both of them really trying to listen to each other, understand eachother and basically acting like a maried couple. The love and the caring for one another couldn’t have been more obvious: The way that Emily kept feeling like she was not aloud to have a say in it because she didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on Ali, and the way that Ali eventually decided to keep the baby because Emily really wanted her to. Now I have to give the writers of this episode and especially Troian, for directing it, alot of credits for the way they portrayed Paige this episode. I hated Paige and have so since the beginning. I hated how she never showed any signs of big character development and idk I just couldn’t stand her. This episode however, she probably showed one of the biggest character development out of all the characters on Pretty Little Liars (apart from Alison but we’ll get to that later). She handled everything so very mature and respectfull towards both Emily and Alison. And when she sortof broke in to Alison’s house to show her remorse, I actually liked her. I also appreciate her asking whether Alison loves Emily (BECAUSE ALISON FINALLY ADMITTED IT BECAUSE OF THAT BUT ILL GET TO THAT LATER OMG) but because it shows that she just wants to check and make sure she leaves Emily in a safe environment. Now Alisons reaction to when Paige asked her whether she loves Emily is sO IMPORTANT OMG. At first you see how she immediatly shuts Paige out, and closes herself off. This just shows how afraid Alison is to let anyone come close and how little practice she has had with opening up. But after Paige stays kinda calm and touches the vulnurable spot in Alisons heart (the fact that Emily does love Alison and that might have made her so afraid and have her do such terrible things), she finally opens up fot the first time in 7 seasons. She was so increadibly vulnurable at that moment. And even though she did not say the words “yes, I love Emily”, she described exactly what it feels like to be in love. In her eyes and in her voice you can hear and see how afraid she is of these feelings, but you can also see a clear realisation: she now knows she does love Emily. And honestly Sasha did such a great fucking job in this scene omg. For me, Alison admitting her feelings for Emily is so important and I can not use enough words how much this scene meant to me. I cried like a baby the whole scene and mostly for the rest of the episode as well. When I first had the guts to admit to myself that I liked girls, Emily was the first and only representation of myself that I had yet seen or known. Emily and her whole coming out storyline plus the rest pf her storyline therefore hold a very special place in my heart. The fact that Emily found out she liked girls after realising she was in love with one of her best friends made me identify with her even more, since the exact same thing happened to me. This is also why Emison holds such a special place in my heart: wanted to see my story represented further and get a happy ending. Because I felt so represented by Emily, I also simoultaniously fell in love with Alison. And to be honest, Alison’s character development is by far the best one on this entire show, maybe even the best character development I have ever known. As Hanna Marin would say: “people change, they grow”. And boy did Alison grow into a better and more beautiful person! (And now we know she did it because sHE WANTED TO BE THE BETTER VERSION OF HERSELF THAT EMILY ALWAYS SEES IN HER SO SHOW IT OFF TO EMILY OMG) I also think it was very important for Alison to admit these feelings to Paige first. This was her first step to realising and admitting she is in love with Emily, and she knew Paige would not laugh at her or judge her because Paige feels the same way about Em (sometimes it was kinda hard to tell though but whtever). Everyone who is angry and sad that Ali should have admitted these feelings to Emily in person, Relax. She will, in time. A process like this, whether you wanna call it coming out or just admitting to yourself that you have been in love with someone for 10 years, takes time. Ali has never learned how to open op to somebody and to let someone truly get close, so she will do this step by step. I honestly hope that Emison gets a happy ending because both Emily and Alison deserve to finally be happy whilst loving eachother. And now Im gonna stop talking cause ive rambled alot and my fingers are hurting because im typing so agressively😂

[loveinruins]

One year later

Can you believe I’ve been dealing with this for a year?

It feels like so much longer than that, although I will say, I’m all cried out now.

I finally have let myself realise that timing is everything and for us, the timing is wrong. We’re not meant to be together now. I just know he is not ready and he’s not in the right head space, he needs to grow up and be more mature. I will also admit I don’t give him enough space for him to realise my worth in his life.

Whether or not in the future we will end up together, I have no idea. I know what I feel inside my heart and my soul for him I have never felt for anyone else. i just really love him with all my heart, like truly, all parts of him. I never want to lose him but I know that I need to let him go. Physically, emotionally, everything. 

He has not been happy at work lately which has made my really sad to be completely honest, it’s hard watching someone you love unhappy and you can’t do anything about it but try and cheer them up. It’s been so hard for me to sit there and deal with his shitty moods. He even brought it up to me saying how whenever i see him he is in a shit mood and really down and tired because it’s always after work and he doesn’t know how I deal with him. I was like lol I’m surprised you even realised, but honestly he has no idea. I would do anything for him to happy, except leave me.

I just can’t picture my life without seeing him everyday, thinking about it makes me sad. So sad I’m actually shedding a tear right now.

I’m like crying and smiling and laughing at myself right now because of what a rollercoaster this has been for me. Emotionally and mentally.

He said something so touching yesterday, he goes you know I know you project to be this hard bitch and sassy bitch but really you’re just a big softie. He goes from what you’ve told me your friends sounds like dumb bitches, I’ve only met B but I bet you have the best personality out of all of them. He basically told me I was fine the way I was and I said I’m not, I’m so insecure and it’s hard when all my friends are stunning and he goes what you think when you’re skinny you’ll have no problems? I said not really no, this is literally my only issue in life. I would be so much happier being skinny, that’s it. He was trying to tell me I was beautiful the way I was without saying I was beautiful. He goes being skinny isn’t going to make you a good person. I was like I know that, I’m just telling you it’s been my life struggle that’s all.

It really made me realise that he really likes me for me. He voluntarily spends time with me, no one is forcing him to. I guess I’m just insecure about the whole situation because he didn’t like me the way I liked him but now that we’ve really gotten to know each other and I’ve let my walls down with him now I feel like things are kinda better.

I’m more myself around him, he knows me pretty well. He knows when I’m trying to guilt trip him and whatever and it’s funny because we really do have great banter.

EM and AC have both made comments that they think one day we will end up getting married but who knows. I’m not holding onto any hope. 

I know last week he went on a date with a girl, I never heard anything else about it after he kinda mentioned it, not intentionally though.

He has noticed I get really weird when he brings up other guys and he goes why do you do that? I’m not I dunno what you’re talking about...

I just don’t feel comfortable talking to him about other guys.. I dunno I should really just get over it and just tell him. What’s the point of hiding it you know. I think I’m scared to tell him because I’m scared he will treat me differently but you know what, it’s probably going to be better for me because he will realise that he doesn’t have me.

Again, I’m doing it again..

Look if he told me tomorrow he was really into a girl and he saw a future with her, I’d be hurt inside but I would just have to realise that it means he was never and will never be the one for me.

I think because of how much heartache this past year has brought me I’ve almost become a little soulless because I can’t keep crying about this. I know where I stand and that’s it.

Anyway I thought I’d just put in the latest because it’d been a while.

Finally, finally I can say I love him but I no longer am in love with him.

If anyone is reading this, this is what happens when you fall in love with your best friend, you realise you’d rather have them there as a best friend than nothing at all. 

If something was yours to begin with, if you let it go, it will always be yours.

Anyways, I’m out.

T xxxx

[thebiggestashole]

welp,, i have been tagged by @impossiblerebelblaze​ to answer questions so uh here i go i guess

Also i tried to not put in a giant paragraph but now the post is really long so uh

LAST:


[1] drink: A bottle of water


[2] phone call: Uh... It's been a long time since i called someone, but i accidentally pressed the "call" button and called my friend Kémy. Does that count?


[3] text message: My friend Kémy. (I accidentally called her when i just wanted to text her btw)


[4] song you listened to: Reol - Gokusaishiki cos i'm a weeeeeb


[5] time you cried: A few hours ago as I was playing Zelda : Breath of the wild. NOW, before you judge me, this game is very pretty. And i ju st-lOOK AT T HA T S K Y D DU DE AGH

[6] dated someone twice: I never dated anyone so eh

[7] been cheated on: again, never dated so this never happened


[8] kissed someone and regretted it: I never kissed anyone either,, ha

[9] lost someone special: Not really, no. 


[10] been depressed: No, no Professional ever told me i have depression so i'd rather not say i've been depressed. The past few days have been sad and stressful tho.


[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: I never got drunk, i'm not even old enough

 LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:


[12] Dark blue


[13] Red


[14] Pastel pink

 IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…


[15] made new friends: Yup! *blows kisses at discord servers* 


[16] fallen out of love: my french ass doesnt understand this one,, ah... I
assume it means to stop loving someone? If then... Well... It's complicated, even i don't really know.

[17] laughed until you cried: Yes, so many times,, *again, smooches discord servers* i think i CANT not cry when i laugh heh


[18] found out someone was talking about you: There was this one girl who was saying mean things, but we're starting to be friends.


[19] met someone who changed you: Well... Maybe not changed me, but definitely the way i see the world, i'm thinking about most people i met on tumblr for example. 


[20] found out who your true friends are: "true friends"? What? All friends are true friends...? I mean,i love all of my friends equally.


[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: Again, I never kissed anyone.

 [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Well, all my Facebook friends are people i met irl. I think there's only two i never met IRL. 


[23] how many pets do you have: 3 : A cat (Haribo) and two axolots (Trico and Till) My rabbit died at the end of last year... I'm still kinda sad about it, but also happy in a way cos he lived for a long time and i know he was happy. 


[24] do you want to change your name: Nah. I mean it's not the best but i dont want to change it. 


[25] what did you do for your last birthday: Nothing special. My bros just came over and we ate a cake together.


[26] what time did you wake up: 8AM, by English teacher wasnt here so school started late! I got to sleep!! 


[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping, for once. 


[28] name something you cannot wait for: Anti's comeback!! 


[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: About 30 seconds ago, she just came in my room to take some candies. 


[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I want to do something big... Wow i sound so modest... No but, I'd love to write a book that becomes famous! Or i'd love to go to space!! YES!! SPACE!!!!!!


[31] what are you listening to right now: Some japanese song id never be able to read the name heh. All I know is that its by MASA and its awesome.


[32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: There are two Toms in my school actually, i've talked to both of em. One of em is in my class. Both are nice dudes but not really friends. Just like... Dudes from my school, we talk to eachother if we HAVE to.


[33] something that is getting on your nerves: My fucking fringe thats blocking my eye im too lazy to cut it buT I CANT FUC KING SEE ANYTHING

 YOUR…


[34] most visited website: Tumblr. Who is surprised tbh?


[35] elementary: Assholes teachers but i met some friends i still have today so thats nice?


[36] high school: Still not there, but I'm going the same place as my other friends.


[37] college: i have no idea my dude bro pal


[38] hair color: Naturally light Brown but i recently dyed it blue. funny thing : since i dyed it its been raining NONSTOP where i live. I think dying my hair gave me water rain hair power heh


[39] long or short hair: VERY long. I never ever cut my hair, my friends tell me i have rapunzel hair.


[40] do you have a crush on someone: I... May or may not have a crush on my best friend and i hate it cos she already has a boyfriend ha


[41] what do you like about yourself?: I think i look cute.


[42] nickname: The one people use the most (and its my name on every website) : Ninis. But Ive been called Ananas (yes this means pineapple) and on discord I am Gerald cos i'm the roundest and the cutest (and the saltiest)


[43] blood type: O-


[44] piercings: I dont have any and not planning on getting any tbh. I think they are very pretty, but thinking about a hole in my flesh just makes me feel weird, heh


[45] relationship status: Single. *lays on table* Ladies~...!! *tabLE BEAKS*


[46] zodiac sign: Sagittarius


[47] pronouns: She/her


[48] fav tv show: I wouldnt be a cringy tumblr kid if i wasnt obsessed with Doctor Who (I mean, now i Watch it casually but if you ever saw me in my dw phase last year... I'm sorry holy shit) 


[49] tattoos: Dont have any and not planning on getting any.


[50] left or right handed: right handed. I only use my left hand to eat sdjhdghs

 FIRST…


[51] piercing: Dont have any


[52] surgery: never had one


[53] best friend: a girl from school called Ludivine, we met when i was 3 i think. Now she's a bitch heh


[54] sport: Dance, i started when i was 5 and stopped 2 years after i think. I was really flexible. I still am a bit, but i need to stop being lazy and start doing some activities again.


[55] vacation: I think i went to spain with my parents and my brother.


[56] pair of trainers: i am a very confused french rn

 RIGHT NOW:


[57] eating: nuggets


[58] drinking: soda (dont mind the me from 3 month ago who said "IM FINALLY STOPPING DRINKING GARBAGE")


[59] I’m about to: take a shower, i'm a smelly boi


[60] listening to: Doomsday's theme and i'm totally not crying


[61] waiting for: Nothing.


[62] want: to sleep instead of going to school tomorrow 


[63] get married: eeeeh no thanks


[64] career: salty bitch 24/7™

 WHICH IS BETTER…


[65] hugs or kisses: again, i never kissed anyone, so hugs.

[66] lips or eyes: I'm gonna go with eyes, but i admit i often stare at my crush's lips, heh... 


[67] shorter or taller: I've always been used to be the younger cos i spend a lot of my times with adults or just older people and most of em are tall so... Sorry short friendz you're cool too


[68] older or younger: For some reason, i'm uncomfortable around people who are younger than me? So ill go with older. 


[69] spontaneous or romantic: Ive never been in couple, but i think i would like a romantic gal 


[70] nice arms or nice stomach: strong arms to punch me in the fucking face, yess

[71] sensitive or loud: I think I'm sensitive but,, my friends say i'm very loud?? *waves at discord servers*


[72] hook up or relationship: relationship


[73] troublemaker or hesitant: well, both have their good and bad sides but... Because I'm hesitant I like to be friends with troublemakers so we can balance things out. And so we can live things like a bad cliché movie.

 HAVE YOU EVER…


[74] kissed a stranger? I never kissed anyone.


[75] drank hard liquor? Nope, never.


[76] lost glasses/contact lenses? I
lost my glasses only ONCE and never lost them EVER again.

[77] turned someone down: You know when dudes will come to you saying "hey do you want to go out with x?" like its a shame to go out with you? Well thats the only time i turned down people. Never rudely tho. Exept last time it happened, cos i was mad so i went "No, he's as ugly as an ass"


[78] sex on first date? Never had sex, never had a date. 


[79] broken someone’s heart? I don't think so... I dont see why i wouldve.


[80] had your own heart broken? The day I realised i had NO chance to get my crush to love me, but i got over it quickly.

[81] been arrested? Nah, i'm too much of a sensitive boi to do anything illegal sjkhskjh


[82] cried when someone died? Only when it was someone from my family. Or my rabbit. 


[83] fallen for a friend: Eyyyyyyup

 DO YOU BELIEVE IN…


[84] yourself? Yeah


[85] miracles? I don't really know? I think everything happens for a reason and every action has a consequence but who knows.


[86] love at first sight? Never happened to me, but i think it can happen.


[87] santa claus? well duh


[88] kiss on the first date? eeeeh i think first date is a bit early


[89] angels? yes

 OTHER…


[90] current best friend’s name: Elisa!


[91] eye color: Blue


[92] favourite movie: aaa tough choice... I really like Nightmare on Elm street...?

WELL that was very long. Why did you read all of this? Why would you loose so much time? Well y'know what? If you read all of this, i tag YOU.