#but then i know he only talks to girls on imvu

[cerberin]

one of the girls at work was telling me she’s been married for 30 years and has no idea what the difference between love and being in love is so she said it just sounds like an excuse and maybe he’s hiding something.

[thenightling]

The one disappointing thing about drifting from the Lucifer fandom to The Sandman...

I am a Lucifer show fan who accidentally got obsessed with Sandman when reading The Sandman to research the Lucifer show character’s origin back in 2017.

And since that drift over, I have to say only one thing truly disappoints me about the Lucifer show’s fan base.  ...How few Lucifer show fans want to give The Sandman comics a fair chance.  

It’s like they’re either discouraged because they’re told The Sandman is very different from the show and so they dismiss it by taking that as code to mean “It’s bad.” or they act like there’s some sort of invisible rivalry between the upcoming Netflix adaptation of The Sandman and the Lucifer TV series. 

 There’s even the very stupid rumor that The Sandman is why the show Lucifer is ending.  That rumor existed back when Lucifer was canceled the first time, by Fox, at the end of season three, by the way.  Somehow (this was before the Netflix Sandman show was even announced) a rumor had started that an upcoming adaptation of The Sandman was why Lucifer was being canceled and so the majority of the “Save Lucifer” Facebook groups got flooded with “BOYCOTT THE SANDMAN!!!” sort of messages. 

There are Lucifer show fans who genuinely don’t know that the story where Lucifer quits ruling Hell, and he and Mazikeen both go to Earth, where he opens Lux, and takes up piano, is in The Sandman comics.  Some of them know there are Lucifer comics by Mike Carey but don’t know that Lucifer is a spin-off of The Sandman by Neil Gaiman and that the story where Lucifer quits Hell is in The Sandman.  

I have nothing against these fans.  They just haven’t done the research but there are others that actively and aggressively avoid The Sandman like it’s some sacred duty or like The Sandman is their enemy.

Some even act disgusted by The Sandman because they have this misconception of comic books being lowbrow.  When I was in one of those Save Lucifer Facebook groups I remember being very annoyed by someone who kept calling The Sandman comics a “comic strip.”   A comic “strip” is specifically a row of comic panels in a newspaper.  A very different thing entirely.   And even one person saying “Lucifer show fans would NEVER like the comics.  It’s far too different of an audience.”  But... that’s how I fell in love with The Sandman, because I had liked The Lucifer TV show and then read The Sandman comics...

In 2017 I had been asked to play Lucifer for a DC comics Role Playing game on IMVU and was only familiar with the show.  But I did know that he originated in Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman and that was where I’d find the story where he quits ruling Hell.  I learned he quits ruling Hell in the fourth volume of The Sandman but I figured if I started there I might be confused so I started at the beginning. The Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes.   To my surprise it felt like a Gothic fantasy story or old Gothic Horror novel, at least in the first two issues (chapters  if you’re listening to the audible audio drama version).  It did not feel like a comic.

And by the time I got to issue 4 of The Sandman, “A hope in Hell” where we first meet Lucifer of this continuity, I realized I was hooked and reading something truly special.  I realized I cared more about the story’s protagonist at this point than I did about finding out comic Lucifer’s backstory.    

I’ll confess when I first read The Sandman I fully anticipated skimming the drawn outfight scenes or explosions because I find those boring, only to be very surprised that those... don’t exist in The Sandman at all.  Morpheus never even throws a punch.

The Sandman is not taking away Lucifer, nor is it in direct competition with Lucifer.  Resenting it and avoiding it does no good.  The Sandman is what gave you the version of Lucifer that you love so much. It is not your enemy.   

Remember those conversations with Linda and later Amenadiel where Lucifer talks about how he doesn’t buy souls, and how there are masochists in Hell who only go there because deep down inside they feel they deserve it and they’re just giving them the punishment they want?  That’s all dialogue originally from The Sandman, from a conversation between Lucifer and Morpheus when Lucifer was explaining why he was shutting down Hell.

Another example of how some Lucifer show fans have reacted negatively to The Sandman is in one of those Save Lucifer groups, back when season three had just ended on Fox, I recall one person even saying “I like the angel of Death on Lucifer better than the one from The Sandman because Goths are mean, jaded, cynical, and cold.  I like our friendly, nerdy, Azriel, the Angel of Death, a lot more than some bitch Goth.”  And I was like “...You didn’t even try to read The Sandman, did you?  You just saw a picture of the character somewhere and jumped to conclusions by appearances.”  

Death in The Sandman is a perky Goth girl who loves and quotes Mary Poppins.  She tries to be friendly with everyone.  She’s just as (if not more) friendly as Azriel from the Lucifer TV show.  The biggest difference (besides her Goth fashion) is she says “Be seeing you.” instead of that “Smell ya later” they gave her in the Lucifer show.  She even helped save the domestic relationship of a lesbian rock singer she liked.  She likes Disney films and happy endings.  She has pet goldfish.  And she hits her younger brother with a loaf of bread when he’s being annoying.  She’s generally supposed to be seen as sweet.  Being a Goth doesn’t make you a bad person or “mean’ by default.  I was a bit taken aback someone had said something like that.

The Lucifer show fans who have gone out of their way to avoid The Sandman or make up excuses to not read it are doing themselves a disservice. They’re also missing out on a glorious opportunity to ship Lucifer and Dream (AKA Morpheus)...

TL:DR:  Lucifer show fans need to stop making excuses to avoid The Sandman or resenting it (even on a subconscious level) and need to give The Sandman a fair chance.   

[dollkastleinfo]

Dollzkastle

This is a blog dedicated to fans of the dollzkastle

To answer some Questions that you may have for myself or the dolls~ 🎀

I am going off of the questions I’ve been asked for years or even the new ones I’ve been getting since I’ve created a Tiktok~ I hope this answers your questions you’re looking for, now let’s begin 🐮

Myself Behind the dolls; my name is Decklynn but people call me Dk or Deck. I am an Agender with He and Him pronouns. I am a little with a caregiver/ daddy and I am a pet owner of 3 Kitties. I do both makeup and Doll art. I am a twenty something year old adult who’s been into crafting and customizing Dolls since I was a child. I am also an artist and got interested in drawing at a young age so I already had the type of skill to Draw on things and recreate facial hair and all types of stuff like this. I went to collage and majored in art while living at home with my parents who were Both Transphobic and Homophobic but also Abuse I’ve endured since a young age, physical, mental ive developed a great deal of mental health problems That even now I am being diagnosed and treated for. With an alcoholic parent and upon my mental health problems and living in a terrible environment that was life long I left home and left school and started my own life with my fiancé One day my fiancé was online and seen Big dolls that looked realistic and those dolls I was so fascinated by. I have never seen anything like them and to make a big 3D version of my ocs and crafting just sound like a dream come true. So I did it! I bought my very first BJD 600$ and I never regretted that. I wanted this one because I just fell Inlove with him. I know you’re thinking 600$!? That’s crazy but it literally is worth every penny when you put your heart and soul into a project it’s like your favorite anime character but you create them and you style them, that’s the best way I think I can put it.drawing on them is not as easy as other may think, you can be a phenomenal artist but still lack the skill to paint on them so it took me years to build the skill I have now. I am still learning 🤍🐮My first dolls unboxing is on YouTube under Octoberv12 ~ if you’re interested in just a little photo video of that time it seems like now, forever ago. My dolls gained huge popularity in 2018 on Instagram where there is a page I’ve dedicated to fanart and cosplays if you just #dollzkastlefanart on Instagram you will find them. I’ve taken a big break from them and left my old account behind to start a fresh and new one in 2020 till a month ago that’s when I decided to join Tiktok. I’ve been doing little music clips of the dolls for a while so I thought you guys would Enjoy them too 💓🐮

Questions and answers ?

Where are you from? New York

What websites are you on?

YouTube I have the dolls playlists individually. I put a lot of effort and energy into their characters they all have stories, music playlists and even avatars and their own accounts on Social media sites.

I am on Instagram under Dollzkastle, myDollzkastle, Decklynnkastle, Decklynnkastlee, omridurr, Acydfei, Princethedoll, Rjeaii, Dollzkastlefanart, Xeroyandere, milesophelia, crysky1, miloscenebabyxo,flowerboyrose, & itsmamamikki & Jasphire.vu

On Fb under Decklynn kastle or Milo Ryo

On Tiktok decklynn kastle or Dollzkastle

On Imvu Decklynnkastle, ivanx3, jeninsai, crackheadsymbols, charleta123, oaklynn10, jasphirexx, romanjackjrs, charleta1, Gemini953005, Milesawayfromyliife, BinxLemment, miloscenebaby, yandereboi7, Princethedoll1, acydfei, royal461349, KandyKimmy, mama13708, thyunderbolt1, ezratheomen

On Tumblr @dollzkastle @acydslitterbox

@ezratheomen , @mamamikki there are more but I’m not too active on tumblr right now

Email? @decklynnkastle@gmail.com or @dollzkastle@gmail.com

Do you sell your dolls? No I do not they’re my babies and I put a lot of work into their characters and I am emotionally attached to each of them. I have sold some that I didn’t bond well with.

What do you use to paint on them? I use acrylic paint, soft pastels, water color pencils, graphite, acrylic gloss and sealer. Doll eyelashes, little craft hoops and balls for piercings and craft tiny beads for jewlary. I use yarn sometimes for their hair but other times I purchase their hair online. Sometimes I draw them tattoos and sometimes I use Temp tattoos.

Do you do commissions? I do commissions for people who need work done to their own BJDs like faceups, hair or blush and nail art. I don’t buy dolls to work on to sell but in the future I’d like to do that. It’s an expensive hobby so get your pockets ready. My faceups are 60$ but for something really advanced it will be 80$ plus shipping charges. Nail art is 5$, blush is 10$ wigs are 25$ I’ve had people ask if they could buy the doll send them to my address instead of their home, I work on them and then send them to that person but you have to remember there is money involved and I mean lots of it so if you’re buying a 300$ doll via through me to a website you have to be willing to also pay me for putting this doll together which we can talk about via email the price. I will be able to hook you up with feedback located on Instagram under my thread “Dollzkastle” where you can see some of the items I’ve sold or commissions I’ve done and my customers I’ve had.

The quickest way to reach me is via Instagram on Decklynn kastle 🐮💗

What are the dolls made out of ?

Resin. I know there are vinyl bJDs out there but mine are just made out of resin~ 🍭🤍

So if you don’t sell your dolls, where do I get one ?? On BJD websites but be aware of scams or Recasts also which are usually cheaper and too good to be true prices. I’ve had my fair share in mistakes with this in the beginning after my first Doll. Do lots of research on YouTube to learn more. Recasts are heavily looked down upon in the hobby and people tend to stay away from and not talk about them because they are a problem to the hobby and create damage by taking an artists work and selling them for much cheaper. You will not get head plates or certificate or authenticity cards or an original Box. They tend to be much smaller then an originalwitj seam lines and sometimes they’re easy to spot so just save your coins and go legit, Support the artists. I do not bully people but others will. Some official Bjd cheap websites are thejunkyspot, Angel of dream, mystic kids, migidoll, Alicecollections, bobobie, withdoll, littleRebel, littlemonica, supiadoll and crobidolls and so many more just do some research y’all find them. If you have that type of money or want to save then check, Hummingdolly, dollshe, Soom, Doll chateau, dream valley, Iplehouse, Dikadoll, iOS (immortality of soul) distantmemory (the BTS dolls are from here I know a lot of you like BTS I am a Kpopper myself lol) and there’s just so so much more just type Bjd websites and y’all find a ton~ I just kinda remembered these at the top of my head. Lol 🐮💕

So where do you get clothes and accessories from?! Some are from EBay, Etsy, Amazon. Some are form people on IG who sell first come first served or little shops that don’t have a big name or anything that I just run into who happen to be selling what I want or need for a doll. I don’t make my own eyes but others do I get mine either commissioned or on the websites I just stated. Some stuff are handmade like wigs and clothing I do sometimes make those. You just have to know the size of your doll and their eye measurements and head measurements. 💗🐮

💜🍼Prince and his paci? The girl who sold them I bought two and she stopped selling them I’m currently looking myself for some Bigger doll pacis.

💕How big are your dolls? They’re as big as a toddler but much thinner. Some 3 feet and some a bit smaller but they’re large dolls sometimes people don’t realize that 🐮🤍 you can by a variety of diff sizes like MSD (1/4 30cm ranges) SD (1/3 60-75 cm range) SD uncle 80+ and Yosd (smaller 20cm or smaller range) I might be a little off but it’s because I only purchase the bigger ones I don’t have much interest in smaller currently.

Is it okay if I cosplay or draw or use anything from you for a project or anything like that? Just let me know or tag me 🌸💜🍭 I love seeing recreations in your art style.

Can I send the dolls gifts or things?

Someone is making my dolls currently clothes from their clothing line and I am so excited for this!! Over the years some of the dolls have been greatfully gifted things or given things and it just makes my heart melt so of course you can! Just Message me Via Decklynn kastle on IG to let me give you some info🤍💕💗🐮

I will be back to continue filling this out if I get more questions I haven’t already answered 💕🤍🐮 I hope I answered some for you! 🍭🌸 thank you for being lovely & have a great day!

[lilshaiworld]

May 5, 2020

Well that was probably the best sleep I got in a long time. I ended up sleeping from 10 p.m. till about 6 a.m. when I got a phone call from my boss. He told me that I was having to work Tuesday and Wednesday night 12 a.m. to 12 p.m. I was surprised to say the least but I’m not about to argue it. I could always use the money :3

Following the phone call that woke me up, I couldn’t get back to sleep so I ended up getting up, cleaning my room (apart from making my bed because …..I just didn’t feel like it) and then I laid on my bed and watched Moana while I waited for Daddy to wake up. 

When Daddy finally woke up i was able to have breakfast and I was soooo hungry! So Daddy let me have three pancakes, a slice of sausage and some strawberries too. Once I had eaten I finally made my bed and then my room was all clean so we could watch more WWE.

I ended up getting on IMVU for a bit and found out that someone Daddy and I knew had unblocked me so I went in her room to find out why I was unblocked. I ended up waiting around two hours for her to get back only to have her deny me ever being blocked and just being rude. I ended up just leaving the room cause I was fed up, oh well, no point wasting my time on her to be honest.

When lunch came around I had a grilled cheese sandwich, cut into triangles and then a small salad with some cherry tomatoes. I ended up burning the bread a little bit but it was still yummy! :D

Later in the afternoon I ended up getting a headache so I asked Daddy if I could try to take a nap. It didn’t help so Daddy and I started to think it was a caffeine related headache cause I normally have a lot of caffeine throughout the day but I hadn’t had any for two whole days at this point. Daddy let me have some caffeine and within 30 ins or so my headache was gone and I was feeling a lot better. So I guess I'm addicted to caffeine - oh joy...

As the evening went on I started to question myself and weather I was doing stuff right because I kept reading a bunch of stuff about how Little was kink related but that age regression was more of a copying thing for people with anxiety and even BPD and so I started to think that I had been wrong this whole time so it ended up being a long talk, to which I ended up feeling better by the end of it.

We somehow got on the topic of two girls we used to have around us, which happens from time to time. However, after this time of talking I choose to reach out to one of them and send them a message on IMVU, only to find out that I was unblocked, which I never expected. I really was taken back by that and didn’t know what to think, just took me by surprise. She and I ended up talking for a bit and it was kind of rocky because she thought people were unable to change but she could. It took some talking but she finally agreed that people could change, but she didn’t see it often. I finally asked Daddy if I gave her another chance for six months, to see if she could make any progress what He thought about it. He thought it was ok so we both ended up doing that. 

I hope that I'm doing the right thing in letting her back into our lives, really I do. It makes me nervous and kind of anxious but I have hope and faith that I did the right thing allowing her a chance to prove herself and start over fresh. I know that mistakes may happen but I do hope that at least progress will be made. I have thought for a long time that she is capable of being a great friend and good person and all that so I'm really hoping that is what will happen this time. 

After a while I ended up logging off for the night. I had thought that I was going to take nap but I called my co-worker to make sure when he wanted me to come in tonight and he ended up wanting me to come in earlier then I was originally told. So I could only finish WWE NXT with Daddy before I had 30 minutes to get to work. 

So I spent that 30 mins getting dinner ready to take to work (ravioli and a salad) and breakfast too (cereal) because I was going to be at work till 12 p.m. So I need to have both with me incase I was hungry.

I went to work at midnight and had some laundry to do, stained load, the worst kind. I really don’t like that cause I have to scan each piece before I fold it, taking me twice as long to fold it all. 

By the time I got done with that I was super tired and it was about 1 a.m. So I decided to try to sleep I had taken one of my pacifiers to work, my fluffy pink blanket, and a cup of Angel Milk too.  (I’m allowed to sleep at work if I want right now because we are so slow.) So I told Daddy goodnight and that I loved Him before curling up on the chairs and going to sleep. Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep really well though, sometimes at work it’s a little tricky cause I get woke up but have to see :D 

Till tomorrow!!

[alciell-blog]

My Side of “MY EX AND HER HORRIBLE WAYS”

There are a few things that need clearing up- Other people have talked out and I have been encouraged to make my side known too so here goes.

I was dating this guy called Elijah. I had known him a while and things were going pretty good...Until I was warned about this guy my ex. Him and Elijah hated (still do as far as I'm aware) each other. I was warned to stay away from him but I am not the kind of person that listens to others opinions and I like to form my own (I even told this to him). We got to speaking and became very close friends. Ollie was dating this guy called Travis at the time. I was told by Elijah that he seemed a lot like our friend, Damon. After extensively looking into it I managed to catch the guy out and confess to being the other guy. I was trying to be a good friend, I personally know what dating an alter/person that doesn't exist is like and didn't want that for him. The truth came out and they carried on dating after.

My relationship got kind of toxic, I was broken up with for reasons I don't even remember and I wasn't even allowed to say I love you to the guy despite us just being on a break and stuff... My ex came in and told me that the relationship was toxic and I didn't deserve that and saying all these really nice things. His relationship with Damon had lost its trust and Killian was crying all the time... So when he asked me if he should end it, of course, I advised him it's not healthy. We had spent 2 days straight on the phone, he didn't seem to wanna hang up and neither did I. Time passed by so quick before we even noticed. After some time had passed him and Damon had broken up and me and him were still close, he suggested that we should get married on imvu and so I bought a marriage package, then he said we were getting married in real too.

After I asked what this made us he said we were dating and we got into a discussion about how long we had liked each other, I know if I like someone from when I start talking to them, I knew I would like him so I admitted to that. He said he liked me from when he first time we spoke but he didn't figure it out back then. We were together and things were going great, we had a fun time. Irl he had a lot going on... he was living with roommates, he wanted to go to bar tending school and he also wanted to attend university. I tried my best to support him through that. He came to me crying 1 day saying he was going to be kicked out of his home, he didn't have the money to pay his rent to his roommate and she was grinding him for it hard. I sent him the money, I didn't want my boyfriend homeless when I could clearly help prevent that... Occasionally he would not have money for food, bills, data to message me... I sent it all as best as I could to help him...

He never asked for that (and has reminded me ALOT that he hasn't) but when someone repeats how hungry they are 9 times...You start to look for ways you can help. I accumulated a lot of debt to try and clear up the money I was getting to help keep My ex on his feet and to keep going...He literally told me many times that I saved his life. There were times that I even went without food (I was in university and fending for myself) to keep him fed and homed. I wanted to keep him happy as he meant the world to me. One day he came to me and started talking about an ex of his, I got highly insecure but tried to brush it off... Most of the time when someone came into a room on IMVU he would tell me that they were an ex or him and them had a history so I heard a lot of stuff. I can't quite remember the deal with this girl but I just remember she played a big part in what’s to come. He needed money to go drinking, he had been working so hard at Bartending that I thought he deserved a little fun and he was so desperately wanting to go so I sent him money to.

Minding my own business, I get a call later in the night from him, randomly telling me he loves me and stuff part drunk and then hanging up. *Later he confessed that his reason for this was because some girl at the club (she was the owner of a hotel or something) started to chat him up, flirting and shit so he brushed her off and called me to show some love.* It was weird behaviour and sparked up massive insecurity in me, so I wanted to talk it out. My ex was busy and most of the time when I say I'm insecure he would tell me there was no reason to be... That doesn't help someone not be insecure... So I went to talk to a close friend of mine about it to see what I should do because I needed to talk it out to someone... I was in tears, I talked it out to the guy and his boyfriend... 1 went batshit crazy and started cussing out my ex, I told him its just me being insecure and I just need assurance, the other understood and told me to calm down and wait to talk it out with him. He was right of course... so I waited.

My ex got home, drunk af and called me because he needed me to confirm to him that he was actually in his room and not someone strangers, it was a funny convo and made me laugh so hard, we had a good night and I left the convo of my insecurities until the morning because I didn't want to ruin the good vibe for not only him but myself too. But when I woke up I was bombarded by messages saying I needed to fix stuff and that I needed to clear it up. Turns out they had a bust up with him about it all... I was pissed and upset, my day was ruined before it began and he was yelling at me to fix it or else he’s gone...I fixed it and he blocked me anyway.

After a while of being blocked I changed relationship status to single, he came back and yelled at me that he'd never actually broken up with me but now he was...and left again. I think all in all this guy has blocked me AT LEAST 20 times. The thing that I hate... is its always my fault. I'm blamed for everything and even when I'm supposed to be his "best friend" he still holds shit over me saying "well Alex you do, do some stupid things sometimes". But Even when others were chatting about him in a bad way...I would still defend the fuck out of this man. I ended up losing SO many friends because of him. He made me block some, he'd scare some away, he'd fight with them which meant I couldn't say anything in return... He’s called me a pathetic cunt, a piece of shit, told me he hopes I rot, a bitch, a twat, useless, heartless bitch, a tart (he meant it as food but in my country its still an insult so I'm posting it.), annoying, attention seeker... A lot of things and worse...

We bounced in and out of dating a while, then 1 day he broke up with me for a pathetic reason... I was confused at the time but the next day he confessed to being in love with someone he had previously blocked me for insinuating he loved (he did this like 3 times...). Then another time he started dating this guy called Zach. I was happy for him. Until I was told by a close friend of mine that Zach was currently still ERP'ing with him whilst dating my ex. I told him. He claims I did it to "wreck his relationship" but if I hadn't have said anything what would that make me? And no doubt he would have yelled at me for not telling him something "so important". I was being a good friend and not letting him get fucked over. But to him I was apparently "ruining a good thing".

In total- me and said close friend worked it out (it was a method for me to get over him...) I had spent over $2,000 on him... And there were times when the money I provided wasn't spent on what it was meant to be for... His blog made me cry HARD because of how it made me come across... Anyone that knows me knows that I am NOT an obsessive person. When I love someone I put my all in but that’s just what I expect a relationship to be like... As you can see, there was freedom unlike he claimed. He claims that I trapped him in calls and shit when in reality I waited for HIM to call ME because I’m TERRIFIED of seeming like a bother. I ALWAYS ask before I call someone unless I'm emotional, crying, anxious, having an attack or we scheduled previously to call at that time. I have every conversation I have had with this man so if any "proof" is needed...I got you.

After all this bullshit, me and him were Best Friends (he uses the term loosely because he uses it against me. “You’re supposed to be my BEST FRIEND” and “some BEST FRIEND you are” and shit when he’s mad). Being friends with him was good. Except when anyone showed me attention. Friends couldn’t hug me or sit close to me without being growled at. If I got a head pat he would growl at them, say “My Alciell” and cling to me. I started seeing another man to see how it would go and he said “how could you do this to me” saying I betrayed him and blocked me...then he scared the guy away for good...)

I'm going to be posting a separate story about @imortii and him after this post so stay tuned-

[akane--ai]

long ass vent

ok so on imvu this guy is borderline harassing me,,, he sends me tonsss of messages all the time (more than you should) and if I’m online he will send invite after invite even after I dont accept them (when I’m busy) and after a few he’ll start to send me messages. It’s really creepy how much of that he does. I wouldn’t be so freaked out if every fucking chat session or message didn’t revolve around his damn fetish. Ugh. Literally that is all he talks about, period. And he’s so hell bent on me liking it and I’ve told him numerous times I’m not into it. But he keeps asking if “any of it excites you” and I keep saying NO. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to fucking say no to writing stories for him.

He kinda got me roped into it before I even knew it was for his fetish. He started out making it seem innocent and something completely different and I accepted before I really knew what he was wanting me to fucking do. If he started out with “I want you to write fetish stories for me” I would have said no in the first place. But nope made it seemed completely different and kinda pressured me into it by buying me shit before I even knew what he wanted. So I felt obligated into doing it. 

I got advice from friends on how to handle this and they just said to just straight block him (I was gonna try to reason with him). So I blocked him from imvu and email (because he has my email, why did I do that) about two hours ago so in response he got on a different account and started messaging me again. Seriously I don’t fucking understand that. If someone blocks you they do it for a damn reason! Don’t continue to message them from different accounts!!! UGH. It’s super fucking creepy and off putting. He gives me v bad vibes and usually I’m right on that,,,so when I start feeling it I thought it would be best to separate myself from him before it gets too much worse.

The strange thing is the first time we had a chat session he told me a story about how he’s been accused of stalking someone and honestly, this is giving me stalker vibes. Why in the fucking hell do I attract this sort of shit this is the 2nd person who’s done this to me, first being a girl I know irl. 

idk I feel guilty as fuck for blocking him but jesus the amount of messages I’m getting from basically a complete stranger is scary. Literally a week ago I would close out of IMVU when he was online just because of me getting the creeps. Ugh. I know I’m into yandere shit but FICTION/ROLEPLAY ONLY jesus I don’t need an irl stalker by any means

[teael-archive]

simself tag

i was tagged by @gunthermunch mwah!

i tag: @dawsim @nightvy @sage-pie @faunakii @peachy-flesh and anyone else who wants to do this yes

traits: lazy, goofball, hot-headed

You have to make a simself and put whatever you wish there, traits, anything about you.  After the keep reading thingy are +100 questions I found that you can answer if you want, but you don’t have to.

𝙌𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨:

What is your full name? jadelynn

What is your nickname? jade, jadie, jada

Birthday? june 13th

What is your favorite book series? hunger games bc that’s the only book series ive ever read

Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? both tbqh

Who is your favorite author? don’t have one lol

What is your favorite radio station? i mean if podcast count tiny meat gang and mile higher podcast yupyup

What is your favorite flavor of anything? cherry and blue rasberry 

What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? lit 

What is your current favorite song? killer queen cover by 5sos

What is your favorite word? lit

What was the last song you listened to? thug life - bh

What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? shameless

What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? moana lmaoo

Do you play video games? yessir

What is your biggest fear? getting kidnapped

What is your best quality, in your opinion? my sense of humor

What is your worst quality, in your opinion? my temper

Do you like cats or dogs better? i have a love hate relationship with both but dogs

What is your favorite season? spring or fall

Are you in a relationship? nope single and ready to cry

What is something you miss from your childhood? not caring so much about anything

Who is your best friend? i dont have a best friend bc the last “best firend” i had was super clingy lmao

What is your eye color? brown

What is your hair color? brown

Who is someone you love?  me

Who is someone you trust? me

Who is someone you think about often? me

Are you currently excited about/for something? CHRISTMAAASSS

What is your biggest obsession? watching imvu trolling lmaoo

What was your favorite TV show as a child? hannah montana and suit life of zack and cody bc i had a crush on dylan sprouse

Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? uhhhh

Are you superstitious? not really

Do you have any unusual phobias? i have a fear of dropping my phone in water lool

Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? depends

What is your favorite hobby? sleeping

What was the last book you read? catcher in the rye (for school)

What was the last movie you watched? unbreakable

What musical instruments do you play, if any? guitar and piano

What is your favorite animal? otters

What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? - well i the ones i check frequently sre  @dawsim @gunthermunch @bratsims @ratboysims and @whiisker

What superpower do you wish you had? teleportation

When and where do you feel most at peace?  my grandmas house

What makes you smile? me

What sports do you play, if any?  hell no im too laaazzyyyyy

What is your favorite drink? coffee or gatorade anything thatll make me hyper

When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? uhhh i dont think i ever have lol

Are you afraid of heights? a little

What is your biggest pet peeve? when people think i wanna fuck because i’m “being too nice”

Have you ever been to a concert? yupp

Are you vegan/vegetarian? naahh (srry)

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? a firefighter for some fucking reason

What fictional world would you like to live in? probably the marvel universe

What is something you worry about? dying alone 

Are you scared of the dark? nope

Do you like to sing? yeah but i sound bad soo

Have you ever skipped school? yeah way too much (i stopped now)

What is your favorite place on the planet? tgi fridays

Where would you like to live? japan bro it looks dope out there

Do you have any pets? no sadly :(

Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? early bird tbh

Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunrises

Do you know how to drive? no 

Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds

Have you ever had braces? nope

What is your favorite genre of music? hip-hop/rap, pop, alternative, and  a little kpop

Who is your hero? uhhhh

Do you read comic books? i read archie comics ig that counts

What makes you the most angry? ignorant people

Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? real book

What is your favorite subject in school? statistics 

Do you have any siblings? yup

What was the last thing you bought? a hot chocolate from 7/11

How tall are you? 5′2

Can you cook? yee

What are three things that you love? music, naps, food

What are three things that you hate? ignorance, plain disrespect, horny teenage boys

Do you have more female friends or more male friends? males weirdly

What is your sexual orientation? recently i realized that i like girls  too soooo girls and boys 

Where do you currently live? merica the worst country in the world

Who was the last person you texted? my friend

When was the last time you cried? in july???

Who is your favorite YouTuber? CODY FUCKING KO and pryocinical 

Do you like to take selfies? as of lately no

What is your favorite app? this shitshow call tumblr idk if you heard of it

What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? eh me and my dad bump head sometimes and i havent talked to my mom in 5 years

What is your favorite foreign accent? british or australian 

What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? JAPAN

What is your favorite number? 23

Can you juggle? a little

Are you religious? not really

Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space

Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no i dont like getting hurt

Are you allergic to anything? nope

Can you curl your tongue? yup

Can you wiggle your ears? nope

How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? never i need to work on that

Do you prefer the forest or the beach? beach

What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? dont just give up because of on inconvenience 

Are you a good liar? yes

What is your Hogwarts House? ravenclaw ( i only know that bc i took a quiz on it lol)

Do you talk to yourself? yes its the best therapy

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introverted as hell

Do you keep a journal/diary? nah im not 12

Do you believe in second chances? no

If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? take it  finders keepers

Do you believe that people are capable of change? eh

Are you ticklish? no

Have you ever been on a plane? yuppp

Do you have any piercings? yes 3

What fictional character do you wish was real? finn the human

Do you have any tattoos? nope

What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? to actually make friends and stop being so shy

Do you believe in karma? hell yeah

Do you wear glasses or contacts? nope but i think i need glasses

Do you want children? no i wouldnt want spawns of me running around that would be hell

Who is the smartest person you know? uh

What is your most embarrassing memory? when i was 11 i asked my crush do date me and he laugh in my face

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes

What color are most of you clothes? black or gray

Do you like adventures? ye

Have you ever been on TV? yeah

How old are you? 17

What is your favorite quote? “lifes a bitch and then you die”

Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory

[vuisburning]

Guessing game

Who can guess who these people are correctly? I might do more rounds with different people

1. What is grammar correct? I never heard of it. I like to suck Intuitive’s dick and accuse girl of the flirt with me. Then I call she fat and use slurs of racial. YOU ARE ALL RACIST

2. WHY ARE NEW PEOPLE HERE? HOW DARE THESE NEW PEOPLE COME TO OUR BURNBOOK. GO BACK TO YOUR OWN COUNTRY. MAKE BB GREAT AGAIN. Anyway I love Jex and I’m going to marry him

3. RACISM? IN FRONT OF MY SALAD? Don’t say retard that’s ableist -Types 6 paragraphs about it- and I love to brag about my art sweetie. You’re jealous that I can finger paint. Sweetie I love being educated even tho I’m only in highschool. Keyboard warrior? I’m just smarter than you so it’s your own fault for being dumb sweetie LMAO. Anyway who’s personality can I copy next?

4. I don’t care what this post says just kys anon. I love being a hot head and making girls cry. What did you say about my girlfriend? LOL? I’ll shoot up your school bitch

5. -Sees a fight and jumps in- I don’t have time to fight with kids on the burn book -Leaves- -Comes back- You just like to argue and be extra. I’m wasting my time on you -Leaves- -Comes back- I don’t care if my friends are racist you are just a kid Blocks- -Unblocks- And you just want my attention. Anyway are there any guys I can flirt with?

6. ROFL BRO I want to give everybody nick names and never answer any questions seriously because I’m a big dumb jock and class clown who fetishizing woc BRO ROFL

7. Fttgdhgjd bitch nobody knows what I’m talking about ever and I’m never going to shut up even tho everyone wants me to. Hhhhhh I love to be dramatic bitch. Fftgdhgjdf and my eyes might be the size of melons but I’m not an alien bitch ffffffff. -Says something disturbing- Psycho? Who me? I’m an angel biiiiiitch. Anyway I love being a Gemini

8. I love to insult myself by calling myself fat and ugly even tho I’m not fat and just making fun of overweight people. I have no other jokes so I keep using the same boring one.

9. RYRUFUTUY -Tags boyfriend- You are out of service. You are mine and I want to gag on your dick. -Girl flirts with boyfriend- DGDYOTRIETJ this bitch don’t know me. I’m a gemini. Stay away from him, I have his wolfbabies. He better not ever cheat on me. Anyway where’s my wife and girlfriend DGDYOTRIETJ

10. I love BLM and you white people need to shut up and kys unless you’re my friend. -Submits 100 posts and spams the burnbook- -5 minutes later- Why are new people spamming the burnbook? We don’t like spam. Take your drama somewhere else. I’m just spitting fax and riding Jex. Anyway shop me

11. I love girls but I’m straight -Dates a girl- I’m still straight -Dates 5 girls in one week- Ok maybe I’m bi

12. -Calls someone a nXDger- Me? Racist? I deadass wasn’t deadass mad serious bruh. You retards r jus mad deadass obsessed wit me deadass

13. I’m better than all of you. People think I’m nice but I’m really a hipster asshole that is too broke to pay for my own movie production. Do you know who I am? I had the most popular room for years. These other rooms are just for edgy losers

14. Join uh xxx and where’s uh a girl for me to stab while I uh fuck her because I probably hate my mom

15. Join uh xxx and where’s uh a gemini for me to uh cry over?

17. I love asking girls to park in my room. My room must have the most hot girls in it or I’ll get mad af. If a girl won’t park in my room then she’s a ugly ho and I’m going to slide in her dms to tell her

16. Xxx best room. I love being edgy and calling girls thots even tho I’m a thot myself. Lmfao I’m a saint and at least my dog won’t break my heart. -Breaks 5 girls hearts in one week- Why are girls thots? Fuck geminis and fuck new people. Anyway I love my fans

18-21. We’re the only 4 new people that are liked. We have drama over nudes even tho we should be playing with barbies and action figures because we’re little kids.

22. BEEEEEEETCH I’m peng LOOOOOOOOL. Dawg stfu wiv your dumbass LOOOOOOOOOLWAT

23. I left this Imvu shit for 9 months. I don’t care if you call me a catfish, I’m still better than you. My new girl loves me so I don’t care about you losers. So what if I’m in discord talking shit. You all need to stop bullying me and get a life. I’m not into drama anymore. -Talks shit about 10 people in 1 minute- I’ve moved on from Imvu drama. You losers need to grow up. Anyway I love my girlfriend

24. -Likes every post about Chapo- -Flirts with him- Fuck up. He’s just my friend. Anyway where’s a post that I can comment on that has nothing to do with me

25. I’m just here to keep the peace and approve your posts. I don’t care about anything else. I have all these girls swooning over me but I’m incapable of love. I don’t even love my burnbook. You guys are lucky I don’t shut it down -Single tear rolls down cheek-

[thenightling]

Re: Castlevania drama

So apparently Confessavia decided to block me because they “looked through” my blog and saw “anti-SJW content” (SJW = Social Justice Warriors, for the handful who don’t know what that means)  and the recent (and ironically 90% joking) feud with Cisphobia and I. 

Edit: You know, if you’re going to block someone without just cause, you probably should check to make sure the incidents you reference weren’t from an event from twelve hours after the blocking.  I and Cisphobia didn’t interact until after you blocked me and it ultimately ended in the meme equivalent of a playful dance off.  But nice effort in seeking reason to justify mistreating someone who never wronged you.  

The blocker also claimed that my response to their post was dramatic (that was the idea... It wasn’t an attack on them, it was just meant to be a little segway into a rant because of other crap I’ve dealt with here on Tumblr...) and they also said that there is... no one on Tumblr who calls Dracula Problematic.

  (Ha-f---king ha!)  REALLY!?  YOU RUN A CASTLEVANIA BLOG AND NEVER SEEN THAT?!?

...HOW?!

There are Once upon a Time blogs that call Rumplestiltskin problematic, even now, even though the series finale literally had him ascend to Heaven! 

There are people on here who call The Shape of Water problematic.  And at least two people who called Daredevil problematic / Ableist (A blind character) for calling another character (who wanted to kill people) “Crazy.”  

This is Tumblr!  Don’t you know EVERYTHING is problematic on here?!

Ironic.  Funny how someone who doesn’t even know me leapt to such incredible conclusions about me as a person and was so swift to judge and condemn me...

_______________________

My response to this:

Um….  okay….

Before you leap to conclusions about a person’s personality, you probably should have noticed Cisphobia and I were mostly just f–king around with each other and joking by the end of the “argument” and responding to each other with anime memes.   And I never actually disagreed with their intent.

However if you had searched my blog and searched under “Fred Saberhagen” or “The Dracula Tape” “Dracula” or even ��Castlevania” there are most certainly conversations from people who called Dracula, and depictions of Dracula problematic.

How the Hell do you search my blog and NOT find me defending depictions of Dracula against people who bashed the character?!

Here is a response I was forced to give after someone went on a long rant against The Dracula tape (a novel by the late Fred Saberhagen) and The Dracula series by the late Fred Saberhagen.  This has happened at least three times but this was the first.

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/147441223978/addressing-issues-with-the-person-reading-the

(And that was immediately after the late Fred Saberhagen’s widow joined Tumblr so she had to read people bashing her husband’s book series because the narrator was “problematic.”)

There’s another post (which I can’t seem to find right now) where someone bitched about how it must contain the “Sexism of the seventies” in Saberhagen’s The Dracula Tape (because it was published in 1976.  As if people forget when Interview with the vampire was first published...)

And at least one post talking about how “Creepy” it is he watches a teenage girl sleep in An Old Friend of the Family (also by Fred Saberhagen).  Umm...  He’s Dracula, it’s kind of supposed to be a little creepy.  Even if he is narrating and trying to make it sound romantic, you’re supposed to read between the lines because he’s most the most honest of narrators.

Also check out this Casltevania post where this poor person who wanted a fan fic of Dracula and Lisa reunited in the afterlife was told by other “fans’ that he is damned and it’s never gonna happen- they can never be reunited, ever.   They were bullied about it so I stepped in.

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/181241099958/he-will-never-alucardtepesfahrenheit-shame-on

There are other Castlevania fans who were asked to mark their Dracula posts with “Child abuse” . There are people who headcanon that Dracula was a very abusive dad in Castlevania because there are some Alucard fans as protective of their cinnamon roll as Marvel Loki fans. (Yes, I once got a request to tag an Odin post as “child abuse... just for mentioning Odin...).    

Here’s my rant response I wrote in regard to some Youtube comments upset that Dracula in Marvel comics “is no longer straight.”

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/183667354468/draculas-bisexuality-in-pop-culture

There’s a Mina RPer on here who bashes anyone who happens to like the 1992 film Bram Stoker’s Dracula because she hates the idea of Dracula and Mina as a couple and tries to shame everyone who likes it, even if they know it’s not in the novel.

There was also someone who joined my Gothic horror group on Facebook (A man I’ll call a white knight) who was very protective of Winona Ryder’s Mina to the point of diminishing the character’s agency to “protect” her and insisted the Gary Oldman version of Dracula “took advantage” of Mina and in his protective / defense of Mina went on rants that made her sound like an idiot and damsel who didn’t know what she was doing or under a spell for most of the film and needed a “Good” man to tell her what to do and think, it was offensive in its sexism disguised as feminism. 

Check out how many people comment on clips from the 1992 film or write essays about Dracula and how he’s going to Hell, completely ignoring the DVD commentary...

But sure, no one calls him problematic... ever... that never happens.  Nope.  (Sarcasm intended.) 

And back in 2011 I started to do online RP depictions of Dracula on IMVU and I, myself, dealt with people coming into the RP room with characters who can “sense who is damned and who is saved.”  Not only did I deal with people certain he would burn in eternal Hellfire but when I’d tell them that sort of power to sense eternal damnation or salvation was too extreme I’d get responses of “lol, he’s Dracula!  It’s not like Dracula can be saved.” Arguing with me when I mention that the idea of his soul being saved / him ascending to Heaven was actually an aspect of Stoker’s original novel as Mina talked about saving his soul which brought the other heroes to tears. And so they were relieved by the look of peace on his face when they killed him (in the novel).    

But okay…

Again, all this happened because I made the mistake of agreeing with the post on Confessionvania’s blog and going on a rant in my agreeing with them... Somehow they (and another person) drastically misunderstood I was being supportive in their stance.  There was ...nothing to disagree with...

You (person who blocked me) made a lot of false and wrongful judgements about me but I don’t have the will right now to defend myself. So have a good day.

PS, let it be known I am pro-Trans rights and am a member of the LGBT community (Pan romantic demi).  I’m a woman. I believe in true equality of the sexes as intended by Mary Wollstonecraft.  I’m somewhere between buddhist and Wiccan in my spiritual beliefs. I am what is considered legally blind (poor eyesight) and have no clue what my paternal racial background is.  But I really shouldn’t require a checklist to be considered a human being here on Tumblr. And yet here we are... again...

Funny how someone can read through my blog, decide I’m a bad person, and the reason for my rant was imaginary and miss all of that, as well as several posts that were in defense of Dracula...

Ah, well.  I don’t like defending myself against strangers but I also loathe misinformation.  So here’s the truth as I perceive it, for better or worse.  Take it or leave it. 

Edit: Note.  I just checked the time stamps.  The Castlevania Confessions blog blocked me BEFORE Cisphobia and I played our little trollish game.  So nice try in attempting to use that as the excuse for blocking someone who never wronged you...   I guess you searched my blog for justifications after the fact and didn’t check to see when things were posted when attempting to use them as righteous reasons to mistreat others.

That’s all right.  I have no interest in liars.  And now the world knows you to be one.  That’s justice enough.  

[arthavenco]

Baah has been a member since July 2012. She has a community reputation of 5,903.

We asked Baah ten questions, this is how she responded…

What does your Art Haven username mean and why did you choose it? My username isn't super unique or creative--it's actually the same one I use for my League account. Basically, as the story goes, I started freaking out and going "BAAAAAAAAAAH" like a sheep whenever I would spam/panic heal as the character Soraka. After I started doing that, my friends in Skype started catching along and called "BAAH" whenever they needed me to mass heal. Rightfully so, this led to me changing my name on League to it. I liked it so much (and pretty much disliked my old username Dykz because I thought that was a funny joke when I was like 14) so I changed it to my Art Haven name. 

How do you think that friends would describe you in three words? Happy, spooky, and caring. I'm generally very happy in life--especially recently. I love to share memes, pictures of my puppers, and happy quotes in general. I always felt like sharing the good vibes was 100% worth it to see someone else smile. I'm spooky because I basically talk about Halloween year-round (I have a "Boo!" sign and a "Witch, Please!" mug on my office desk). Not only that, but I really enjoy anything dark like Stephen King, Horror movies, and ghosties. Lastly, I care about those around me very much. Being a person who has been through a lot, having someone there for you and always saying hi and checking on you always makes a difference. I make sure my friends know I think and care about them, whether it being I buy them a coffee or ask them how their day is going. I suppose that ties in with happy, but it's something I'm very passionate about.

Is there anyone who makes your Art Haven experience more enjoyable? Oh my goodness--everyone! I love seeing all of the artists on the website, because all types of art is inspiring and amazing to look at. The people who support me are truly beautiful individuals, and I really appreciate (and sometimes tear up) seeing them rooting me on or complimenting my art. I really enjoy those who share funny meme's and statuses as well--those always put a smile on my face. The vast variety and unique group of people on Art Haven always get my attention, and I love when people reach out to me for questions/help or when they say I inspire them (and always tear up). This is why I've always loved this community, and continue to promote and enjoy it. 

If you were to win $10 million, what would you buy? Man, there's so much I would do with that. Honestly, I would pay off all my debt and work towards getting/building a home for me, my fiance, and my puppers. I would definitely donate to a few charities I've supported in the past, and possibly rescue a few more puppers. Definitely going the route in investing in some of the money to better save and continue growth, and go back to school for art. My fiance is also very passionate about music, so I would hope he would decide to go into schooling for that. Yeah, I could totally see myself still working to grow, but settling down and finally being able to take a breath  and get this weight off my shoulders would feel so rewarding.

What is your favourite thing about Art Haven? I think it's the ability to grow and experiment as an artist and working with the community to do that in some cases, if that makes sense. Basically, I've been drawing for the longest time, and if it wasn't for those who stepped up and critiqued my art, helped me with anatomy, or pushed  me to go outside my comfort zone, I wouldn't be pursuing my goals to become a better artist. The biggest thing about art is being able to take that critique and apply it towards what you want to achieve. Of course, being a basic girl here, the other thing I love about Art Haven is the community in general. I honestly wouldn't know where I would be if I never joined Art Haven. I started with drawing (really smudging) over IMVU screenies to making chibis, pixel art, and general art. I really don't think that I would be here art-wise today if it wasn't for Art Haven.

What is your biggest pet peeve? I actually have quite a few--I'm someone with a very short patience LOL. I have two major pet peeve's, and honestly they sound so basic when I think about them. The first one is when people ask me if I'm okay more than 2 times a day. Listen, I have one of those RBF's, and people think there's something wrong with me all the time. I could be seeing rainbows and unicorns, and singing All Star by Smashmouth in my head, but on the outside my face looks like I just witnessed someone taking the very last cookie after I heard there were some in the break room (I really love food and yes this really happened to me). So, as usual, someone (sometimes the same person) will ask me if I'm okay...multiple times...in one day. No. It's time to stop. The second one is driving in general. If I see someone doing something dumb on the road, I get so annoyed. Being in Houston, that kind of thing happens VERY often. It's insane what some people decide to do while driving, but I truly hate it when they drive in the turn lane just to bypass all the traffic to then cut in front of someone towards the front of the line just to save 5 minutes. Listen, I get it Linda, but I bet you were that chick that cut in front of everyone in the lunch line. 

What is the funniest thing that has happened to you recently? AHhh--so many funny things happened recently during our vacation in New Orleans this weekend. So many jokes (mostly dark/dirty), weird happenings, and awkward encounters over the span of three days. Out of all of them, I think the funniest was when we were at this bar watching a bunch of drunk people run up on the stage to either dance or sing karaoke. It was honestly the best experience ever, and it was hysterical seeing the men jump up there to start dancing to YMCA and falling over each other during the process. And yes, I screamed/sung along when they started playing Truth Hurts by Lizzo.

What is your favourite quote? Oooo! My favorite quote is actually something I read in the Stephen King novel Dreamcatcher. I also have the saying tattoo'd on my arm: "SSDD". The polite way to say this is, "Same stuff different day." Not only is it something I discovered by my favorite Author, it's a saying that applied to my every day life. It was more so during the times that I was going through really rough situations, and was honestly more easy to relate to back then. It made it easy for me to let go of all the stress/drama that happened very often and repeatedly. I feel blessed that today I don't say or think of it as often--mostly because I've achieved a lot of goals of mine and moved into my own place for the first time with my fiance and two rescue doggos. It's been amazing. 

If a genie were to grant you one wish, what would you wish for? Honestly, I have to admit this is a really rough question. There's so much that I can think of at once, it's kind of a brain overload. I think, if it was something to impact my personal life, I would wish for financial gain. If it meant a promotion at work, finding a way to make money by working harder, or winning some type of lottery, then so be it. I say this because it would open up the ability for me to move forward in my financial status, save up for the future, and help my family and friends. I really care for those who are in my life, and the ability to help them be happier means a lot to me. 

What inspires you as an artist?   There are so many different types of inspiration that I go through that aid me in my personal journey of art. I think it's mainly seeing other artists growth, experiencing colors/art in person in every day life, and honestly Pinterest (that was kind of anti-climatic LOL). For example, if I see the color teal I can see mermaids, little devil girls, and moody goth boys. If I see flowers I can see crowns filled with them, dresses made of petals, and a field of different types of wild growth. For me, seeing color and bits and pieces help put an image together in my head that completes a character ready to be drawn, sometimes even wanting to be drawn. The only other thing that I think that inspires me is trying things outside of my comfort zone. Whether it be bigger art, different styles, or poses, it always helps me learn and grow as an artist and I highly recommend those with art block to try that out. 

Want to know more?

Baah’s Profile | Baah’s Shop

[lilshaiworld]

May 2, 2020

Weee! Finally got off work at 8 a.m. this morning! So glad to be off work! It’s not that I have a lot to do but I’m just bored at work most of the time. Granted, I spent a lot of the time getting a boat load of coloring pictures to color, but still I enjoy being off work when I can be.

It was pretty cold this morning, so I decided to take a bath this morning to warm up. I had a bath bomb left, a blue one with little stars in it that I used. It was so pretty, like the night sky on a cloud free night :3 I was glad to get warmed up cause I was pretty cold by the time I got off work. They don’t keep the lobby at work warm anymore to save money, plus it’s pretty warm during the day so they never really are bothered by it, just me. Oh well, I wear a sweater most nights at the moment if I get chilly. 

I ended up laying down for a bit after I got out of my bath and waiting for Daddy to wake up. He ended up waking up pretty early. I think it was about 8:30 a.m. or 9 a.m. when He poked me saying He was up. I was excited cause we could watch some more WWE. I know, that’s what I’ve been saying the last few days, WWE but trust me, WWE is awesome :3 Plus we are watching it from the beginning to the current stuff. We’ve been at it for almost two years now.

I ended up coloring a new picture while we watched. Today was Shawn Michael’s farewell address since he lost his match against The Undertaker at WrestleMania last night, so sad. I had to get help from Daddy on my coloring picture cause I couldn’t figure out what color I should make the bow but He told me black would probably be best or white or pink. I choose to do black for it. 

After I had finished coloring my picture, I decided to get on my game a bit and get ready for xtw with my guild/faction. We had war against guild/faction called Tempest. I ended up having a lot of lag while doing it and ended up having to restart my computer. By the time I got my laptop back up and the game back up too the war was over - pretty sure we lost cause we were getting beat hard by the time I went to restart my laptop. Oh well, better luck next weekend :3 

Once we had finished that the guild/faction has trials, which we have ten of, but we only do five on Saturday and the other five on Sunday. It was slow going because everyone was talking about scheduling some controlled mass pk with another faction (which I didn’t go to because I ended to sleep while it was going on cause I had work later). After we finished them I tried to bid on some items from the trials but I didn’t win. I will try again next weekend tho, really need some of them items for my characters. 

I ended up doing a few dailies and then Daddy told me that the girl He was talking to yesterday was back on and told me I could come and meet her so I decided to get off my game and come on IMVU a bit to talk to her and meet her. She seemed nice though she’s really shy and quiet. Not quite sure why I was anxious or nervous yesterday about her but she’s pretty nice for the little bit I did talk to her. 

We talked for about 30 minutes or so before I said I had been up for 19 hours at this point and Daddy told me I needed to go get some sleep. So I finished what I was doing - taking notes for my blog to write - and then I said goodnight to both of them and got offline to get ready for bed. I ended up sleeping from 7 p.m. till 11:45 p.m. before having to get up to go to work.

Work was pretty interesting, to say the least. It was pretty quiet till about 4 a.m. and then I got a random phone call (the only one I got all night). It was some guy who was telling me he was from the franchise corp office and was telling me that a few of their people came down with the “coronavirus”. He was telling me that they had to close their office and that we needed a pin to get ahold of them if we had any issues. He gave me the pin but then started asking if we had updated our software and then telling me that I needed to put that pin in that he just gave me for a different reason entirely. Needless to say I didn’t fall for it. It seemed fishy from the get go when he told me that their people came down with the coronavirus....I mean really..it’s Covid-19...not coronavirus silly man. Anyway, he ended up telling me he had to called his manager and that he would call me right back and then hung up. Needless to say he never called me back - go figure. 

Well the rest of the night was really quiet after that. I probably should try to sleep. Only two more nights and then I’m off till Friday again, woot! I will probably do my shopping on Monday after I get off work...rather get it done right away so I can just chill at home the rest of the time till I have to go out again to get groceries. The least amount of times going out to the store the better right now, don’t want to catch this Covid-19 stuff.

Anyway, time for a nap! Till tomorrow! :D

[dopeloverx]

DopeLoverx: all these spikes and shit DanielTheKing: you thought you was a god? ThatsTy: like y df my nigga aint puttin his hand up like he blokn det shit? DopeLoverx: let me move ThatsTy: yuh ThatsTy: i did DanielTheKing: we can swap dope DopeLoverx: ty besti ThatsTy: like shiiid im Vip, DanielTheKing: they can't attack u DanielTheKing: but they can hug u DanielTheKing: z ThatsTy: mfs still huggn me Guest_EvilXMarc: are my spikes in your way? DopeLoverx: YES! DopeLoverx: >>>>>> DanielTheKing: ion feel em Guest_EvilXMarc: oh lol DopeLoverx: lol ThatsTy: but wen i wasnt vip tryna hug a girl det was vip i kouldnt DanielTheKing: damn ty Guest_EvilXMarc: they look sexy Guest_EvilXMarc: . DanielTheKing: errbody love u ThatsTy: sit weird DopeLoverx: lmfao DopeLoverx: z DopeLoverx: right ThatsTy: my first imvu account i was 13, llf den i neva got on afta i turned 14 n hea i am 2day ThatsTy: gah bak on 2 years ago DanielTheKing: z DanielTheKing: you go way back then DanielTheKing: yah they changed that vip shit ThatsTy: fakts DanielTheKing: when it first came out u couldn't nun to vip DanielTheKing: u was a peasant ThatsTy: nah Guest_EvilXMarc: . Guest_EvilXMarc: lol ThatsTy: u still kant G Guest_EvilXMarc: >.> DanielTheKing: how they huggin u then ThatsTy: buh ion undastand how dey huggn me cus dude next to me was vip she hugged him n he basically pushed ha ass ThatsTy: im like wtf? DanielTheKing: z DanielTheKing: ur vip broke ThatsTy: i need my money bak Guest_EvilXMarc: is he typin about me? DanielTheKing: nah Guest_EvilXMarc: oh DanielTheKing: sumtin else marc Guest_EvilXMarc: im too high Guest_EvilXMarc: smh DanielTheKing: z DanielTheKing: i be tha only sober mf on imvu Guest_EvilXMarc: tryna slide on ole girl next to me ThatsTy: nah DopeLoverx: lol Guest_EvilXMarc: >.> DopeLoverx: its new years ThatsTy: z Guest_EvilXMarc: happy new years to everyone Guest_EvilXMarc: hope you guys get drunk DanielTheKing: it must be new yrs erryday for sum folks then ThatsTy: gne head n slide ThatsTy: G ThatsTy: its a open spot nex to ha ThatsTy: @Dope ThatsTy: yoo Guest_EvilXMarc: @strawberry Guest_EvilXMarc: have a boyfriend? DopeLoverx: when he move i want my corner seat back DopeLoverx: z Guest_EvilXMarc: oop DanielTheKing: lol ThatsTy: u havn a photo shoot dope? DopeLoverx: not rih now why ThatsTy: kus llf u dne changed hella times i just noticed det ThatsTy: i thought u was leavn n kummin bak buh u neva left DopeLoverx: cause the organe was getting on my nerves Guest_EvilXMarc: tryna show off in front of her new friend DanielTheKing: z Guest_EvilXMarc: @Marcus ThatsTy: dead asf DopeLoverx: and the way my back look in the white was frustrating Guest_EvilXMarc: lol. DopeLoverx: so i had to change again ThatsTy: uuh huh ThatsTy: i see DopeLoverx: yuh DopeLoverx  rolls eyes ThatsTy: llf i jus asked sweetheart a nigga was curious, i dead ass thought u was takn pics of yaself Guest_EvilXMarc: @strawberry imma sing to ya Guest_EvilXMarc: hold up DanielTheKing: z Guest_EvilXMarc: lmaoo DanielTheKing: -dies- DanielTheKing: wah u gon sing Guest_EvilXMarc: idek Guest_EvilXMarc: gimmie some DopeLoverx: dont encourage him DopeLoverx: << ThatsTy: he muss b on mobile ion see nobody name strawberry n hea DanielTheKing: z Guest_EvilXMarc: i need a love song DopeLoverx: ikr DanielTheKing: that her mobile name ThatsTy: uhh huh ThatsTy: i see DanielTheKing: dope they be comin for u Guest_EvilXMarc: @magnolia tell your friend to stop cappin DopeLoverx: smh idk why ThatsTy: z Guest_EvilXMarc: she know she want me to sing to her Guest_EvilXMarc: . DopeLoverx: i dont ThatsTy: z Guest_EvilXMarc: lol dont be rude Guest_EvilXMarc: 😂 DopeLoverx: besti wyd ThatsTy: < DanielTheKing: bout to go turn on this heat ThatsTy: yooo DopeLoverx: lol DanielTheKing: cold af DopeLoverx: YOOOOOOO DopeLoverx: llol 8amz has left the chat DopeLoverx: z DopeLoverx: i wanna watch a movie DopeLoverx: any suggestions DanielTheKing: lol idk @ dope DanielTheKing: what u like DopeLoverx: action adventure thriller DopeLoverx: i kinda want a good thriller DanielTheKing: thrillers be havin u on that edge of ya seat DopeLoverx: my lips are numb DopeLoverx: im never doing this shit again DopeLoverx: omm DanielTheKing: doin what DopeLoverx: drinking DopeLoverx: i dont drink DopeLoverx: tryna be cool and shit ThatsTy: yall Daniel finna die DopeLoverx: >> DopeLoverx: why DanielTheKing: damn ThatsTy: kus his girl gne kill em DanielTheKing: drank too much huh DanielTheKing: aye man its a new yr ThatsTy: nah ion do det no mo ThatsTy: im tied asf tho DanielTheKing: can't put that on me so soon DopeLoverx: what did u do ThatsTy: ima b da one dets gne get killed by my girl tbh DanielTheKing: idk what ty talkin bout DanielTheKing: i was doin me Guest_EvilXMarc has left the chat DopeLoverx: ty butt dont make my head hurt DopeLoverx: lol DopeLoverx: im so confused ThatsTy: nah ima blame u too so yo girl kan kill u too DopeLoverx: Seee thats why you my fam ThatsTy: dets y he dyin llf DopeLoverx: you already knew DopeLoverx: z DanielTheKing: yah ThatsTy: im tied asf ThatsTy: its 3:45 DanielTheKing: hell yeah it is DopeLoverx  slips on dawsons breek ThatsTy: tf is det? DanielTheKing: a song ThatsTy: oh ok ThatsTy: buh she dancin on beat doe ThatsTy: z ThatsTy: well she was DopeLoverx: my bihh lookin like oooo yo bihhh lookin like naaahhhh DopeLoverx: Droptop freak and she flossin DopeLoverx: ayeee DopeLoverx  twerks   DopeLoverx: my bihh loookin likoooo yo bih lookin like nah nah DanielTheKing: so Ty u drug free DopeLoverx: i fuckin love that song DopeLoverx: z DanielTheKing: i can tell DopeLoverx: thats all i wanted to hear DanielTheKing: z DanielTheKing: damn i hate shop on here DopeLoverx: im done DopeLoverx: im sleepy kinda DopeLoverx: if i get another new years text DopeLoverx: im turning my phone off DanielTheKing: ooo that alcohol kickn in DopeLoverx: my lips are still numb DopeLoverx: i keep biting them DanielTheKing: i guess u gotta sleep it off DopeLoverx: i gotta work tomorrow DopeLoverx: z DopeLoverx: im a light weight DanielTheKing: wha time DopeLoverx: i cant smoke either cause the weed too stong DopeLoverx: my nepheew got me some gas 1 time DopeLoverx: im thinking im taking that shit DopeLoverx: till i hit it forreal DopeLoverx: almost died DanielTheKing: lol DanielTheKing: were you coughing? DopeLoverx: when i was hitting it nahh DopeLoverx: not till the last hit DanielTheKing: gon cough out ya lungs on tha floor DopeLoverx: shit was painful DopeLoverx: and i was passed out in the next room DopeLoverx: shit was uncontrollable DanielTheKing: awwww DopeLoverx: i dont do drugs DanielTheKing: say no to drugs DopeLoverx: lol DopeLoverx: riii DopeLoverx: im a good girl DopeLoverx: see:) DopeLoverx: my high tho is sex frfr DanielTheKing: lol DopeLoverx: good sex younger looking skin DopeLoverx: more smiles DopeLoverx: lol DanielTheKing  whispers: whats ya fav position? DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lllol are u serious whats urs   DanielTheKing  whispers: doggy and cowgirl lol KGTF has joined the chat DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: oo. depends on teh mood   KGTF: Yoo DopeLoverx: HAPPY NEW YEARS! DopeLoverx: WHATS GOOD MF DanielTheKing  whispers: a quiet place is a good thriller KGTF: Happy New Years KGTF: Lmaoo KGTF: And Shii CHiLlin DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i saw it it was kinda like bird box hella random DopeLoverx: how was it it bringing in 2019 KGTF has left the chat DanielTheKing: damn he left quick DanielTheKing  whispers: u saw searching? DopeLoverx: lol DopeLoverx: i tild u i was boring DopeLoverx: z DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll yep seen that 1 too   DanielTheKing  whispers: damn you seen it all DanielTheKing  whispers: movie buff ass DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i love watching good movies i use to live at teh theater   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i use to wanna be a actress DanielTheKing  whispers: u saw the commuter? DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: nahhh lol DanielTheKing  whispers: damn it'd be cool hanging wit u i love watching movies together DanielTheKing  whispers: its pretty good DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i dont think i have DanielTheKing  whispers: and i love thrillers DanielTheKing  whispers: and romance haha and action DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: aww DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: im sure ur a romantic   DanielTheKing  whispers: only for the right woman DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: ") i wou;dnt expect otehrwise DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll DanielTheKing  whispers: what time is work DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: 3p i close DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: im fucking pissed too DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: but its whatever DanielTheKing  whispers: u got time DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: oh yeahh DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: did u make breakfast DanielTheKing  whispers: i been in here the whole time DanielTheKing  whispers: loll DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll DanielTheKing  whispers: ima make it later in tha day DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: what was he talking about getting u in trouble DanielTheKing  whispers: oh cause i got a bestie thats a female DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: hmmm DanielTheKing: yaasss its warm now DopeLoverx: lol me and blankie making sweet warmth right now DanielTheKing: haha thats wassup DanielTheKing  whispers: why you say hmmm? DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i dont wanna get u in trouble   DanielTheKing  whispers: loll ima not stop having friends cause my gf DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: tho me and toast got something i still move like im single lol DanielTheKing  whispers: people like me and i can help ppl by being me so i cant stop DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: um lol   Guest_pabloperp has joined the chat DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: thats no how that shit works DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll DanielTheKing  whispers: what u mean DopeLoverx: people are so weird DopeLoverx: :x DanielTheKing: jump out a plane #2019 DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: you respect her wishes no friends mean no friends lmfao Guest_pabloperp has left the chat DanielTheKing  whispers: Nah b thats not me if i can help someone ima do it DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll   DanielTheKing  whispers: i give a part of myself to my gf no1 else gets that should be enuff DanielTheKing  whispers: you can't hog some1 for yourself ppl aren't made like that DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: thninks about my clingy nature   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: >> um yeah right   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll DanielTheKing  whispers: ima be a psychologist DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: thats a pefect idea i wanted to be a thearpist   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: bro swear we friends af DanielTheKing  whispers: ppl seem to love getting advice from me lol DanielTheKing  whispers: so we aint go sumn special goin on? DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: cause u talk to people in a way they understand DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: wait huh DanielTheKing  whispers: people are simple to me DanielTheKing  whispers: im just messin wit u DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: you a scorpio tho DanielTheKing  whispers: we vibe really well i love your energy and honesty even tho u try to hide it sometimes DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: hide my energy? DanielTheKing  whispers: nah your feelings DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: rolls eyes DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: what feelings lol DanielTheKing  whispers: like if you feeling a way about something you tend to tuck it away at times DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: no comment   DanielTheKing  whispers: z DanielTheKing  whispers: its cool...i know most guys are terrible listeners DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll DanielTheKing  whispers: why you feel like im a good fit as ya bestie DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: cause u fun to talk to u keep the convo going you always roll with the vibe i throw   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: imvu dont do that shit nomore DanielTheKing  whispers: gotta make tha most of the time u have DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: on earth? DanielTheKing  whispers: plus your vibe is fun lol you always on sum crazy DanielTheKing  whispers: nah with the ppl you come in contact with DanielTheKing  whispers: anything can happen a person mite have to leave imvu for some months DanielTheKing  whispers: then that energy aint there no more Guest_pabloperp has joined the chat Guest_Kingjay23136 has joined the chat Guest_Kingjay23136 has left the chat Guest_pabloperp has left the chat ThatsTy has left the chat DanielTheKing  whispers: that was random af DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: nah its a convo never feel like that DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: with me   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: cause i try key word TRY not to hold back with you   DanielTheKing  whispers: im not expecting you to lay it all on me cause u still gettn to know me DanielTheKing  whispers: i just know that as people we go thru so much DanielTheKing  whispers: and alot of times we dont have ppl to just express ourselves to or with DanielTheKing  whispers: so we carry alot of pain with us and its rough DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: your gonna make me cry that shit is so real   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: the people im around i dont expess myself too DanielTheKing  whispers: like you could be a kid who went thru abuse but couldn't say nun or cps would come take u DanielTheKing  whispers: that shit don't go away DanielTheKing  whispers: or if ya parents was on drugs or u saw someone u was close to commit suicide DanielTheKing  whispers: its alot of shit DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: that happen to you DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: << DanielTheKing  whispers: so i just say ppl need to just be them cause its not guide book to this life shit DanielTheKing  whispers: shit alot happen to me lol DanielTheKing  whispers: but parental abuse was something yes DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: mom or dad DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: << DanielTheKing  whispers: dad DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: alcohol? DanielTheKing  whispers: nah just cause he could DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: beat u woop you verbal? DanielTheKing  whispers: beat down with items, fist, verbal all that DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: im so sorry DanielTheKing  whispers: i wasn't even mad bout that abuse cause shit happens DanielTheKing  whispers: i was more mad at the adults around who knew and aint do shit DanielTheKing  whispers: they just let it happen DanielTheKing  whispers: that was my proof to know adults are fucked up DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: not even adults just some peopl DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: people DanielTheKing  whispers: that shit drove me insane tho DanielTheKing  whispers: couldn't trust nobody forever DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: smh DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: since then ... DanielTheKing  whispers: that shit warped my personality for many yrs lol DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: how   DanielTheKing  whispers: like i didn't wanna be a victim DanielTheKing  whispers: but i couldn't be me without existing with that pain DanielTheKing  whispers: so i kinda acted like someone else for a time being DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: what was your safe place like someone else who? DanielTheKing  whispers: like i just was trying to hang with otha ppl who were prob bad for me DanielTheKing  whispers: just to avoid living with reality DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: do u ever feel like it happen for a reason   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: it being 2019 DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: like have you grown into a better you DanielTheKing: hell nah i wouldn't wish that on anyone DanielTheKing  whispers: but um DanielTheKing  whispers: i've grown alot since then DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: got caught slippin DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lmfaoo DanielTheKing  whispers: the only thing that came out of it was me being able to know how much pain the world is in DanielTheKing  whispers: and how easy it is to hide it cause i hid it very well and i still hide it at times DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: .... DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: << DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: the realest shit i was told as a child when i tried to express my feelings like the REAL shit   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: "sounds like a personal problem" and "Noone cares" DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: but i dont feel that way   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i care about people DanielTheKing: your fam tell u they love u DanielTheKing  whispers: z DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lmfao   DanielTheKing  whispers: this damn thing keep fuckn up DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: there u go   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: z DanielTheKing  whispers: but my parents never told me that DanielTheKing  whispers: nore any of my fam DanielTheKing: i grew up fast af DanielTheKing  whispers: z DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: my dad died protecting me   DanielTheKing  whispers: this mf cursor boy DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: my mom had been thru some shit b4 that DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: when i was in HS she told me everyday just dont come home pregnant   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i dont even be out like that lol DanielTheKing  whispers: man shit DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: she got preg young with my sister and got married young and then the crack era hit   DanielTheKing  whispers: i never had one sex talk with my parent DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and their dad my sister and brother   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: their dad was hooked on drugs DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and my mom was taking care of them   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: holding shit down DanielTheKing  whispers: i fell into porn at 10 and foul language DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: until my moms mom died then she had to take in her lil sister   DanielTheKing  whispers: ever since then i felt like an adult lol DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and her husband the fatehr of her two childer hooked on drugs raped my moms little sister DanielTheKing  whispers: z DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and that shit fucked her up DanielTheKing  whispers: wtf DanielTheKing  whispers: you can unsee shit ya know DanielTheKing  whispers: can't DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: then fast forward 4 years later she meets my pops DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: whos a family man supporter all that   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: never married has me lol   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and not even a year after that hes gone   DanielTheKing  whispers: shit cray DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: so my mom gonna became   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: different ig   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: always over protective controling   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: grumpy   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i hate to say it lol DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: she didnt like hugging us DanielTheKing  whispers: being a parent is hard af and scary DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: or kissing us DanielTheKing  whispers: my parents never hugged till i was grown DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: ikr DanielTheKing  whispers: well my mom at least DanielTheKing  whispers: my dad shit DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol shit cray DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: my moms been in and out the hospital   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: she let me kiss her and tell her i love her i had to leav her there 1 night DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: after going thru this break up   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: like god knew i needed someone   DanielTheKing  whispers: the world is fucked up man DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: like walking around straght face any dude looking at me getting mugged DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol but inside lol DanielTheKing  whispers: and ppl try to act like we all doing well like everything all good DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i just wanted a genuine hug DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: someone i felt like i could trust to tell me they love me   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: all i got is my mama   DanielTheKing  whispers: ikr DanielTheKing  whispers: the i love you words genuinely with a hug touches your soul DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: my brother and sister different dad they blamed my mother for their fater raping our aunt DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and they didnt like me cause i was born outside   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: so just imagine thru the years   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol the saltynesss and shade DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol the fakeness DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol it was sad   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: we just started getting along again but tbh i still dont trust them sometimes   DanielTheKing  whispers: i bet it was DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i dont trust their intentions   DanielTheKing  whispers: i wouldn't honestly some shit just dont go away DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i make more money than they ever and my dad before he died set me and my other brother up really well with money   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: so they use me sometimes DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: but because my heart is so giving   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: it hurts hwne i need them in return and they cant deliver i dont want the money i just want my sister ya know DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i dont want shit you have lol DanielTheKing  whispers: like one reason i wouldn't wish this on anyone cause i was paranoid one time DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: just show me you care about me like yall care about each other   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: a little of what i been thru as far as family lol DanielTheKing  whispers: the word family don't mean nun to me DanielTheKing  whispers: i've seen fam do some dispicable things to each other and its sad DanielTheKing  whispers: yall blood   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: thats why i adored my ex he was family oriented   Guest_Basseses has joined the chat DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: always with his family or doing something for his family DanielTheKing  whispers: i do alot for my fam tho DanielTheKing  whispers: thats why my last 5 yrs been hellacious to some degree DanielTheKing  whispers: somebody always need sum and i dont ask for nun in return DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: bro ya boy broke my heart lmfao   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: im still kinda shell shocked DanielTheKing  whispers: my boy? DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: ya boy meaning the dude DanielTheKing  whispers: oh DanielTheKing: since we scorpios lol DanielTheKing  whispers: z DanielTheKing  whispers: oh my goddddddd DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lmfao DanielTheKing  whispers: this cursor is annoying DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: rofl DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: but yeah and then when i see him   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: all i get is Im sorry   DanielTheKing  whispers: im sorry cause i miss that good pussy DanielTheKing  whispers: z DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: 6 mos i went over that shit like where is baby somethings wrong why cant i get in touch   Guest_Basseses has left the chat DanielTheKing  whispers: they right tho DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: then wehn i did talk to him   DanielTheKing  whispers: times does heal most things DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: he was like we gonna be together again and i love you this and that   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and i saw the bitch DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: he was with on thanks giving DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i asked him before that   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: a few days before cause it was his birthday DanielTheKing  whispers: was his new chick looking like nahhhhhhh? DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i wished him a hbd   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i asked him if he had a girl or was talking to anyone DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: he straight up lied to me bro DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and said NO   DanielTheKing  whispers: z DanielTheKing  whispers: wtf DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: im thinking we gonna be together again and then i saw the bitch   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: he sending me pics of us   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: frm the summer before   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and shit DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: AND YOU GOT A WHOLE BITCH! DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: he dosnt know i know but after i saw that shit i stopped talking to him DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i dont ever wanna feel like that again left in the dark DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: like i trusted u   DanielTheKing  whispers: damn love DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: if u need sum and i got it u got it   DanielTheKing  whispers: that relationship really fucked wit u DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i question my sanity still DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: like was i crazy for believeing it was real DanielTheKing  whispers: nah   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: like what did i do wrong for him to do that to me DanielTheKing  whispers: you wanted it be real cause you were giving it your all DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: he had me thinking it was forever shit lol DanielTheKing  whispers: it wasnt u it was him DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i feel so stupid   DanielTheKing  whispers: u gave ya energy to tha wrong nigga DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i never saw this guy coming   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i use to tell him you never know someone until at least 2 -3 years   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: in a relationship DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: 4 years lateer   DanielTheKing  whispers: relationships are for adults tho DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: this shit happens   DanielTheKing  whispers: its hard af if u still learning yourself DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: yeah we were young   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: jhene aiko was our summer song lol DanielTheKing  whispers: like if iwas in a relationship when i was younger DanielTheKing  whispers: i would've been a savage i swear DanielTheKing  whispers: i didn't give no fucks 6horty has joined the chat DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: see that relationship turned me into a savage loll DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i was talking to mad dude   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: not to sound like a hoe DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i was faithful for 4 years even after he ghosted me   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i had a 1 night stand   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: started fucking this dude i met over th esummer lol   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: it was crazy DanielTheKing  whispers: im still a savage tho DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: ive calm down since then   DanielTheKing  whispers: i just don't act on it DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: u? DanielTheKing  whispers: yah DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: really? lol DanielTheKing  whispers: i can't make a woman fall in love with me and drop her like a brick cause idc DanielTheKing  whispers: z DanielTheKing  whispers: but i wouldn't do that DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol i still dont get it   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and then feed me bullshit   DanielTheKing: i can't i would feel guilty now DanielTheKing: but catch me some yrs ago DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: smh lol ive never been dirty like that DanielTheKing  whispers: i would sell u a dream like a mf DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: but its fuck him now DanielTheKing  whispers: and have u thinkn all kinda shi DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: where ever he is now i hope he realizes he broke someones heart who rode for them   DanielTheKing  whispers: i like a woman with a nice body DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: we use to have this thing where we would fall out and be liek nahh we together till the lord says otehrwise DanielTheKing  whispers: so she can be my snack lol DanielTheKing  whispers: z DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol and the lord sid otehrwise DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: llol DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: u a scorpio i know u a freak DanielTheKing  whispers: shit a extra freak DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol i know DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: well DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: i dont know know but im sure   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol youd def keeo me wet DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: but DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: on that note DopeLoverx   yawns   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: its about time for me to goto bedddddd DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: << DanielTheKing  whispers: lol DanielTheKing  whispers: id be askn can i hit it in tha mornin too DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: lol be good DanielTheKing  whispers: i needa hit tha gym soon DanielTheKing  whispers: this 6'4ness i going to waste =(( DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: loll DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: well babe DopeLoverx   hugs u   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: im headed out   DanielTheKing   hugs u back   DanielTheKing  whispers: sweet dreams strawberry DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: you have a wonderful night as always a pleasure DanielTheKing  whispers: big factz!! DanielTheKing  whispers: nite DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es3Fm7dLm2o DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: tell me youll listen to it DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: and tell me what u think 6horty has left the chat DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: this is my sleep mood rihgt now DanielTheKing  whispers: i got u ima leave a message for u DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: mk hhun   DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: good night   DanielTheKing  whispers: b4 u go DanielTheKing: z DanielTheKing  whispers: u know what's tha best DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: << DopeLoverx  > DanielTheKing: ?? DanielTheKing  whispers: when someone u really vibe with tell u why you mean something to them DanielTheKing  whispers: to hear that is priceless it feels like time stopped for a sec

[thingsiwasafraidtosay]

My story

I'm gonna try to keep this short and on more of the relationship side of it. When I was a few days from turning 13, I locked eyes with this guy and just fell hard for him. Until that point I was pretty much lesbian cause I'd only been into girls. But yeah I fell hard. I'd mark the days on the calendar when I'd see him, and I was painfully shy at that age, I was afraid to go up and talk to him. My sister and his sister were friends, so we would all hang out. We never actually spoke but it's like we had this secret communication with our eyes. And when we'd lock eyes it just made me light up, when he wouldn't look at me one day or be distant I'd cry when I got home xD. A year went by and not much happened. I knew he liked me though. He'd always stare at me, even my sister noticed. Like one night I was on their trampoline with my sister and his sister and was doing flips and he stood about 10 feet away just staring xD. When we went to the fair I'd go on rides with him and my sister would go with his sister. Every time my heart would race and my skin tingled every time we accidentally touched. One time we all played hide and seek in the basement. I was it and I had gotten his sister and my sister and he just comes walking out and just stands there and my sister says I gotta touch him. It was the weirdest moment ever. I slowly walked up to him, and touched his arm with my index finger while he just stood there xD. And on this quiz on fb, he said he trusted me with his life. Well he answered yes to the question. And I just had it bad. One day, he just gave me this sad look as he was walking to his car and I couldn't figure out what it meant. I didn't see him for awhile after that. One day few near the end of the year, October ish, my friend on fb kept telling me to play this fb game with her. So I did. And it was this online chatting type game, basically the same as imvu, it was called yoville. I started playing that and talking to people on it for fun. So, one day I found out my crush had a gf, and I felt a sense of Led on and cheated on. I wanted to completely move on and forget his existence. So. I turned to the game. To just forget him and maybe if I fell in love with someone else, then there wouldn't be anymore hurt and I'd forget him. And man, I had no idea what I was getting into. That's when I met my first love Austin. He was so sweet and different. We'd stay up till 2 am talking about everything and nothing. And I knew it was love. He seemed like a perfect boyfriend. We'd go on dates on the game almost every night. And after we'd go to his place or mine and we'd talk and talk. We'd write on white board "Austin + Reed= Forever". Also how I got that name. When I first made an account, I just used the name of my favourite character in my fave book, not thinking much of it at the time, but the name just became apart of me. So, I find out austins been cheating, a lot. I even catch him with his best female friend saying, "I want you, my gf doesn't even kiss me anymore." Kinda because the only time I did was because he'd act cause I was so nervous. I'd wait for him to make the first move or him to ask me. So yeah one day I got tired of being cheated on and him begging for me back and me taking him back and repeat. He wanted another chance and I was afraid to say no because I wanted to say yes but I was also afraid to say yes so I kept running and hiding from him. One day, he keeps following me around and says this is the last time he'll ask. I wanted to say yes but I said no. After that, i felt for the longest time everything he did was revenge. He said he was quitting the game for good and left for a week. He gave me mad anxiety attacks. So a week later he comes back and he seems fine and like we can be friends and he was friends with this one ex on the game before him, didn't feel that strongly for the guys, he cheated on me with 3 girlfriends, banged 5 chicks and had a wife, idk maybe Austin hanging around that dude was bad, but he's all like. "I'm gonna break your heart". He used to be so romantic, sending me love songs And then he was sending me the song break your heart by taio. I thought it was nothing. But he became a heartless jerk and did everything in his power to hurt me. I'd be on my knees crying and begging and he'd tell me to stop harassing him. He treated me like shit for 4 years. Dating all my friends, cheating, reeling me back in, throwing me back away. It was a huge part of my life. I felt the way about him that I did about my first kindergarten friend. Like the person is apart of me. The other half of me. All the good memory's of him loving me to him being so cold and putting me through the worst things a person can put someone through. One of my friends sent him this song called face down and was like "do you feel like a man when you push her around??" And another friend witnessed it. He was like "you want a lie? Here's one. Reed, I love you." And my friend was like "wtf! Why would you say that to her?!" I just couldn't get free of him. I had great friends on the game that accepted me for me, unlike my real friends who were complete dicks to me all the time and would put me down when I'd be myself. So I'd make a new account to get away from him. He always found me. I tried to move on from with him another friend. This guy who's liked me for a year. Who would always just listen when I'd rant about Austin and tell him what was new. He'd just sit on me outside my house on the game on the seat swing thing. And he kept telling me to end things and block him. And he'd hit on me all the time and compliment me. One day I had enough of Austin and told my friend to tell Craig that if he wanted to be with me, that I'd be waiting. So I didn't know what took so long. But finally, he came and we talked and we started dating. And it was a great relationship. He was good to me and we'd be silly together and I could be myself around him. I couldn't show my silly side to Austin, he'd tell me I was acting stupid. But with Craig I could be completely my crazy self. He'd do thing like being like, pushing my up against a Tree and kissing me and being like *takes your shoes* and would run to the bedroom xD. I didn't feel sexually attracted to dicks so during our sexual time I didn't really understand it. But I liked when he'd be playing with my boobs. And all my friends liked him. The only worry was his friend Hannah, who had a crush on him. And I knew it and kept trying to tell him that she was tryna steal him from me. He was so blind, like she'd write love crap in her mail about him. (You could read anyone's mail). And it just seemed all great and happy. One day though, Hannah came at me and was cussing me out. I had my own way of cussing people out. While girls like her were like "lol you ain't cute" and act all high and mighty, I'd be like "ugly bald ass weave headed tree truck! I bet you lick snails on the sidewalk!" So I guess Hannah got to him before I could. And idk what she told him but he was pissed. I'd never seen him pissed. He was the always happy kind of guy. And it was bad timing too. I was at my friend deans house and wrote on her white board "I love you like a love song". And I was gonna tell him that I loved him for real. So he comes in all pissed and I didn't know what was going on. So I was like, dude she was so mean to me! She totally likes you! Why can't you see that?! And he's not listening. All like "why tf were you mean to Hannah?!" Guess he cared more about her than me cause he didn't listen to a thing I said. And he dumped me just like that. I was thinking, oh it's miscommunication and everything will be fine. We even seemed like we were fine again after a few days, he was all flirting with me again and everything. But then I find out he has a gf. And it crushed me. And I'm all like, wtf is happening, you dumped me days ago. But he seemed happy with his new girl. I'd just sit on the seat swing we'd always sit on together and wait for him to come. When he's online he'd Always come to me. He didn't. One day I went to him and all his friends and her friends were there and they were making out and it crushed Me. I was like "congrats" and left, thinking he'd come after me. He never did. So I'd just sit on the swing and wait. I waited 10 months. For nothing. The chick knew it was killing me to. When I'd go to him, she was all over him. And they even kicked me out to have some private time. One day I broke down and told him how I felt. He told me Layla forced him into dating me. He said he never liked me. But I knew it was a lie. And I didn't know why he'd say that. So I went back to Austin again and he said he still loved me and yeah. I'd always make the same mistake and try to be with someone else to forget the hurt from the last person. There was also Alex, my friend set me up with, cheated on me and I went back to Austin. Then Shane, who seemed genuine, he liked me and would keep telling me that he wanted to tell the girl he likes that he likes her but said he couldn't do it and I was like "Shane. I like you too." And idk what happened, but he wouldn't make any moves to date me and one day started saying he loves me and I'm like, no you don't, don't joke with me about that, I take it seriously. Then started to tell me to off myself, and we were friends on fb so he sent me pics of weapons to hurt myself with. Then started dating this chick he'd told me a lot about that he likes, he'd talk about her a lot, so that was fun. Went back to Austin again. Then on the 5th year with Austin, he told me he met a girl in real life and told me about how much he loves me. The whole time I could have tried to date someone in rl, some guys liked me, but I didn't even notice them. It's kinda like dating your teacher secretly and no one can know, and instead of showing them off and doing couple stuff, you're shacked up in his apartment, missing out on life. But I didn't see any other guys. I was always loyal. So Austin kept going on about how amazing this girl in and talking about shit in details, and I did not want to hear it but was all like "oh yeah that's great, good for you". Like yeah totally doesn't kill me instead at alll So I was tired of that. I was done with love. I was done with it for a few months. But still couldn't move on. I thought maybe a rebound. It was the end of 2012 and me and this guy named Evan started talking. He was a friends ex and we'd talk about how my friend who was also his ex, was in a toxic relationship with this douche and we kept telling her to leave him. And then one day we just started flirting. He told me he had a gf but wanted to dumped her. Idk why I thought I was the exception. I didn't know he had a gf before I had found out about him and his ex Katie flirting. So he'd been flirting with both of us and I came to that shocking realization only last year. That it was another red flag I missed. But yeah he was flirting hardcore and I was flirting back and we talked for hours. And at the end he's saying how amazing I am and I'm like, what I'm just me. And he's like "pretty big deal flirting with someone as extremely beautiful as you". After a week he broke up with his gf and started dating me. I would kind of ask him every day if he dumped her yet. Didn't realize at the time that if someone if willing to cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. So me and Austin would still talk though. Evan would always tell me how amazing I am and I believed it all. But now it was all just his fake "I'm the perfect boyfriend" act. One day Austin said he was leaving for good and I still had feelings for him. I gave him a kiss goodbye and he told me to do it again. Just doing it the first time I knew it was wrong but maybe he hasn't seen it or something idk. And I told Evan about it, he didn't like it. And I guess I had told him he could get even and kiss some girl. It was just an empty gesture and I was an extremely apologetic person back then. But that's the excuse I got when I found out he kissed his friend Abby. He told me he didn't kiss her. I found out from her he did and he called her sexy. And then he brings up how I said I could and I couldn't stop wondering if it would have happened if I hadn't of have Austin The goodbye kiss. That was only the beginning. I never thought anyone could hurt me more than Austin did. I thought it was impossible to top 5 years of the things he did to me. With my and Evans relationship, it was the most real feeling one I've had. I made a kik cause he and Katie asked me to and it switched from talking on fb and yoville to on here. We'd watch movies together, send each other love songs, and I let him in more than I've ever let anyone in. I felt like I could trust him. I'd be afraid to tell bfs like, my fave movie cause then whenever I'd think about it and just think about the guy, since I was weird like that and everything would just be a constant reminder of the person and I didn't want that. But I let him in. I told him a ton and shared my world with him and he became the center of my world. I've never said I wanted to marry someone before, but I told Evan I wanted to marry him. He thought it was just something every girl thought, but I was like, no it's special, I swore when I was a kid I'd never get married, and I've never wanted to marry anyone, but I would marry you. He was the first person I showed my body to. It was my idea. He never showed anyone, I hadn't shown anyone, I thought it meant something to him. I didn't know he'd show it to anyone that asked. It wasn't special like I thought it was. He had very low self esteem and I was constantly picking him up. And he'd cheat a lot without meaning to. Always some excuse. He showed his bff amber, who I Knew had a crush on him but he kept denying, some things you shouldn't show a friend when you have a gf. And I even brought up the Hannah and Craig thing because it felt like that all over again and I was like, no I refuse for this to happen again. He said they were just friends though. But he'd call her attractive. He called all my friends attractive. I'd get upset and he said he was tryna make them feel better. He showed amber a pic of his thigh, and I've seen him naked a lot so it felt very revealing to me, it was really close to His dick. And he also sent her the same pics he send of me in a towel right after he got out of the shower. And who knows what other crap he did. He'd never tell me, I found out from other people. So I felt I had to stalk to get answers to find out if he was cheating. I stalked his fb one day and he's super about privacy and was actually going to cut me out of his life just for doing that. Idk if he ever really cared about me. He never made time for me, he wasn't loyal, he'd check out other chicks in rl, like staring at boobs and ass, while I'd never even notice guys, and I made so much time for him, he even put me down and made me feel pathetic about it and told me to go get a life. He never had a real gf or kissed a girl or anything and again I assumed it was because he was waiting for someone but no girls were just into him. Only the ugly ones he said. But still I was blind. He never fought for me. Maybe he didn't because he knew I'd always come back. In 2014 he left me for a girl. I knew it in my heart but he denied. He was too weak to break up with me that I had to break up with him. I was just balling and he knew that and he wouldn't reply and I'd just be like "goodbye" and delete my kik, I must have made about 50 kiks, no lie. All in hopes that he'd fight for me. He never did. He never cared when I was hurt. Just be like "sorry you feel that way" after I told him I was balling my eyes and couldn't even get up to blow my nose so I was using my shirt. I can't remember exactly what happened, but it was one of the worst nights. We were fighting about something again, well I was fighting, he'd just be like "stop making me feel awful". Well it's not my fault he did what he did and me being upset about it and wanting him to take responsibility for it was making him feel "awful". So I was upset and he stopped replying and I thought he blocked me and he just left me there to cry in the chat and it just all hit me and I started begging for him to reply. My mind just blacked out to all the darkness, it rarely happen Happened, but it did and all I could think was I couldn't live anymore. I had a self harming problem. It all started when my friend told me about it few years before. It was kind of two friends actually. Saying how they'd do that to make the pain go away and it worked and I tried to it to see if it helped because I was desperate. And I had a problem. So that night, I just forced myself to go deep and that if I couldn't then I'm weak and I'm not really in pain. It's like, trying to prove on the outside how much pain you are on the inside. And I just wrote goodbye on a piece of paper and it was all so morbid, rubbing my blood on it and sending him to him. He literally replied ":/" a few hours or days later. I just disappeared for a week and that was literally all he said. But anyways, I was really going to end my life, I didn't know how, but I just knew I had to. I got on yoville to tell Austin goodbye. And idk what would have happened if he wasn't online. When he found out he was kinda freaked. He kind of thought it was his fault that I was such a mess. He told me to never hurt myself again. And I just didn't know why he even cared. He spent 5 months making it up to me. Made sure that I was eating and made me promise never to hurt myself again. Told me to stay away from Evan. He never said he loved me but I felt like he was helping me because he loves me as much as I loved him and he wanted to be with me still. That we'd be together again. But he said he was leaving for good and it was time to move on. It did help. But I ended up going back to Evan again. He was like, the love of my life. He was my everything and I was addicted. I was so in love with him that I'd draw him and do all these things to show how much I loved him. He always thought he was ugly and no girls wanted him but I'd tell him every day how beautiful he is in my eyes. But I guess he wasn't getting enough of that from me and kept cheating on me. Flirting with my friends and a lot of stuff. I'd get upset and he'd tell me to just leave him and That's he's not perfect and makes mistakes. And I could never get over all the things he did. But I never felt like he was truly sorry. But still I kept putting up with all the pain and constant disappointments. He never remembered my bday. Even last year he didn't. He never said anything to me on Valentine's Day. He did Nothing for me. I didn't realize he was using me for sex and an ego boost. So, 2015, he goes to camp and for once, I feel free. I don't have to put up with his crap. I felt so free, that I actually just wanted to delete kik and forget it all. I felt like I was suffocating and in his cage. He could have talked to me when he was gone, he could have, if he really loved me, he would have. You're not allowed to have phones at that camp, but he could have sneaked it in and texted me at night. He could have. He didn't. So I wrote him a letter. I sent him a poloroid pic of me, a bracelet I stayed up late making for him, a guitar pick, and a letter about how I love him. I even made the bracelet look like raindrops, since our song was "between the raindrops". And I'd listen to it every night on loop as I'd fall asleep. I let myself fall so deeply for him, deep like the ocean. He was gone for a month, and in the end I just wanted to be free of all the hurt. I had cut my hair off and dyed it blonde. I decided to just wait till he got back then talk to him. But I already knew he'd just leave me when he got back. But to my surprise he said he got my letter, he didn't open it right away and wasn't excited about it, he didn't rip into it, he put it in his bag and was gonna read it later, the type of stuff he'd disappoint me with every day. But he said he kissed the letter the same spot I did. I put on redish pink lipstick and kissed the letter. So I thought it meant things were good. Guess he just wanted to kiss a girl and be wanted by a girl that bad. He actually never even wanted to meet me either or say anything about meeting up, but he also would say he'd cry if he saw me. But anyways, I tell him I love him and he doesn't say it back. I feel in my gut that something is wrong. But I decide to talk to him about it later. The next day I confront him about it. I tell him he has to step up or step out. I tell him love me or leave me. He picks leave. And I ask him why he didn't say he loves me back. He told me he didn't love me anymore. I was crying, he told me we could be friends or friends with benefi Benefits cause he was horny. But other than that, it's over. And I was like, im crying right now and you're saying that shit to me. And I was so done But a week later we still talk again. Idk why but since the start I felt in my gut that something would happen when he got to college. I told him he'd leave me for a girl. I just felt it and tried to many times to leave before that happened. So I could be long gone and over it. But. So he's in college and he's asking me for naked pics. And my dumb self thinks it means we'll get back together. So I show him stuff and then we don't talk again for awhile. One of my friends tell me to do the no contact rule. So I force myself to go without talking to him for a month. Another friend set me up with Branden and we became close friends. I was still loyal to Evan. I was still waiting for him to come back. I only did the no contact so he'd fight for me. But he didn't. And then, after a month, I found out he had a gf. And I was put into a constant anxiety attack. I could feel it even the night before I found out. I thought, what if he found someone? Idk I just knew and even started shaking. So I texted Evan on his phone number. I begged him to tell me who it was. I was just out of my mind and scared and hurt. And he just kept telling me how happy he is with her and that they've been dating for a month. I lost my mind. It was like, every bad thing that Austin ever did to me, all at once. I felt like I was shot 8 times and I could even count each spot I felt a bullet. I also felt this sharp knife stabbing pain in my back. And I couldn't breathe or stop shaking. I told him I was going to end my life and just threatening if he didn't tell me who it was. And I asked if it was the girl in 2014 he almost left me for but she actually did want his ass but he still kept the pics of them he had on his phone and even laughed about it to my friend like "don't tell reed she'll kill me" He said it wasn't her. He wasn't going to tell me who it was. I found out in my own. And on my own I put all the pieces together. All the shit I knew by the cryptic way he'd talk and the gut feelings that were always right. It was this blond chick that Had been hugging him in a pic of fb when he graduated high school. By the way she had her hand on him, I could tell she liked him. A girl always knows. I assumed she was one of the ugly girls that he wouldn't go after. He even told me not to worry about her. I found out he had been with her when he asked me for naked pics that last night. He cheated on her. It was one last sex stuff I guess since it takes awhile to get that stuff with someone new. So I was in pain for a long time. I couldn't move on and I couldn't stop talking to him. Every time I'd find out something else. I'd see all their pics of them cuddling and alll this shit. He did everything for her and did nothing for me. He brought her food when she said she was hungry, he took her out on vday, when on vday all he did was make me cry. He let her lay on his chest when she was sick and played with her hair. And I couldn't stop stalking. I couldn't stop talking to him. I wanted for it all to not be real. I found out he kissed her, a month later finding out he had sex with her, finding out all this stuff and every time it left me feeling paralyzed. I hated him but I loved. And idk how many nights I'd pray to just fall asleep and just couldn't stop shaking. I just lost everything in me. I became so numb. That's how my relationship with god became strong, I'd just be on my knees, in tears, begging for the pain to go away. And I'd be so grateful when even a little drop went away, enough for me to fall asleep. I didn't want to self harm again, but I did one last time. I didn't want to ever forget what he did and I wanted a scar so I'd remember. I was afraid I'd take him back. I wanted that mark to be a reminder of the pain. I had Branden and kristy who had been there for me. Branden and I even started getting feelings. I was doing the same thing again, trying to have someone new to forget the last person. Though this time I was terrified to get hurt and I was so hesitant. But I still tried, I slowly started to open up to him and let him in, I felt like I co Could trust him, because he had been there through everything. He even played go fish with me. I was in so much pain I was delusional and kept calling it "gold fish" and later he told me he was thinking "wtf is gold fish?" But didn't say anything. So I share pics with him and he does too and tells me he falls asleep hugging a pillow pretending it's me. And all this sweet crap. But he wouldn't date me. I kept asking why he wouldn't ask me out. He told me before he's been hurt really badly by a girl he loved and she put him through a lot of pain and I felt like "look at me im here, I'll never hurt you, you could easily be with me". But nah and he kept going on about "the chase" and how I was too easy or something and told me he's been flirting the whole time. Idk if he knew what a big deal it was for me to let him in and even show him pics after everything I had just been through. After that I completely shut down and felt so cold inside that my heart and soul felt frozen like ice. I couldn't stop being a bitch. I didn't care about anyone's feelings. And all I could think was, "what's wrong with me?" So one day I'm using this app on here called match and it matches you with people. Didn't think I'd find anyone, and assumed all guys on kik just wanna hook up. So one day this guy Damien texts me along with others, but he stood out. We start talking and he's all smooth and I actually out on Taylor swift and started dancing to "sparks fly". It had been forever since I just felt like that and just wanted to enjoy the feeling. But I thought he's just another guy that wants nudes. Things got crazy. He was head over heels for me while I was going on with me life and still trying to move on from Evan. So he'd keep texting me and just came off kind of obsessed and crazy. When I was on vacation he knew exactly what I did that day and I was freaked out. But I guess it was a normal guesstimate. And he's all getting mad and saying he wants to be with me and I don't know how to respond so I'm like "I'm gay. I like pizza" kind of replied which makes him even more mad. Very angry and controlling. One day we talk and he shows me his dog and I'm thinking, oh maybe he's not crazy. And then the next he's yelling at me to admit I like him. I knew I wasn't ready to date and told him that so many times. But he didn't listen. He didn't wanna get to know me, just wanted to date me. It was all so weird to me. I kept telling him I like getting to know a person first and stuff and staying up late and just talking about everything and nothing. I'm the type that connects with someone through talking. He says he connects with sex and he's banged 9 chicks who knows how many times. So I'm thinking "yeah for sure done with him". Idk why I even responded to him. I'd send him funny memes and he told me not to send that shit. And couldn't send screen shots or song lyrics either. And I'm like, is this guys for real? He's acting like he owns me when he doesn't even know me. Yep that's the guy I spent the last year with ☺️. He didn't ever listen to me. I tried to just stop talking to him but he didn't go away. So, I ended up stalking Evan again and See he went to prom with his gf. That's what he wanted so bad. Every year he'd tell me he wanted to go to prom and I'd tell him to go but he wouldn't without a date. So I threw him a prom on imvu. I did so much for his ass. When he struggled with studying I'd even start think game where every 10 minutes I'd send a naked pic, and he was motivated to study. So anyways. I end up telling Damien about prom and being upset about it like "guess he got what he wanted" and Damien's like "will you go to prom with me?" And I'm like "whaat" and he's like "I borrowed my dads car". Idk and just was being sweet and I was surprised by it. Then Evan and I end up talking again and Damien's upset about that. Saying how he appreciates every second I give him and how this asshole never gave a shit, and it was surprisingly refreshing. And idk he just seemed so sweet and into me that I thought I could give it a shot. I thought I'd be fine and I could still work on my issues. But man I was wrong. I was in way over my head. It was always constant fighting. I actually thought he liked yelling at me for sport, since he did it so much and literally got mad at everything. Idk it was crazy. Things started to get better and he would keep asking for stuff and I thought he can't be tryna use me for my body when he already had so many girls. And I would be thinking "why tf you online for? Why you want my nudes for? You had 9 girls aren't you satisfied yet?" And I said I don't easily cross that line but when I do I stay across. I can't think of a single time though where we're just talking and connecting. All just fighting. It was literally the only time he'd talk to me. I kept just living my life though. I'd take pics like me just grabbing my boob and just being playful like that, completely not in a sexual way, just in a being silly way. But he blew tf up and called me a slut and I'm like, wtf why are you getting upset about everything I do? And idk he says this shit to hurt me and I invite him in this group chat and kind of flirt with this guy To make Damien a little jealous idk. We played truth or dare and they dared me to write some guys name on my head and I'm like, I got a face mask on, I'll just write it on my chest. It was way above my chest and you couldn't see shit. Completely innocent, just a dare. Damien screen shot it and kept it for like forever and held it against me. So he's blowing tf up and I'm like "why are you upset? We aren't even dating". And he kept repeating "we aren't even dating" like 50 times like a psycho. And I don't even know what to think of that. I was out of there. I stayed off kik for a week. And then he's all sad and telling his friend he missed me. Tf he miss about me? Yelling at me? Like we don't even know each other yet he acts like he owns me. It was all just so bizarre. Idk how it happened though but we got closer somehow. Seeing him all sad and hurt just triggered me and I wanted to be there for him and give it a shot. The way he was talking about me and how deep his feelings were got to me. My ego so low I've thought about making a twitter and tweeting about all the stuff my exs wouldn't do for my. "My exs wouldn't buy a stick of butter for my. My exs wouldn't give me roses. Not even a piece of grass. My exs wouldn't take one step for me". All that kind of stuff. Me and Damien got closer somehow and I showed him stuff. It was a fun night. One of the few good times we've had. Just how he was kinda drew me in. Saying he'd punch any guy that hit on me and stuff. But I still wasn't over Evan. One night Damien's going off and idr what it was about but I was shaking and I was like "you're just trying to hurt me" and he's like "you bet your ass I am!" And that scared me even more. He was going off on me for hours to the point where I was shaking. But he couldn't spend 5 minutes talking to me and getting to know me. He talked to all my friends and tried to turn them against me. Idk how he does it, just making it seem like I'm the bad guy. I was so upset that I texted Evan. And we became friends for awhile. I'd tell him What Damien would do and he'd tell me I didn't deserve it. And he'd hit on me and I didn't say anything and didn't stop him. When he'd say stuff like say I was pretty, it helped heal the hurt he caused. And one night I even flirted a little, and Damien went off on me. I couldn't be loyal to him and I didn't know why. He'd be all upset and say how he just wanted me and that I kept breaking his heart and I just felt like, "wait this is actually hurting you? You don't just yell a me for sport?" And I felt so much guilt for months. I just stopped doing anything that upset him. Idk it's just all a mess. It feels like an abusive relationship. He'd laugh when I'd say that and said I'm the abuser. And I told him so many times I was done and just. The last time I said I was done, he got really sick and went to urgent care. It's my fault. 5pm telling me he hated me 6pm saying I wreaked him 7pm saying he feels really sick an 8pm saying he's in urgent care. I cant say how many tears I've spent on him. He always seems like I'm hurting him and it kills me inside. I just wanted to get to know him. I just wanted to get over Evan and fix my issues. I just wanted to spend time with him. But it's like it's just been revenge to him. He even admit it twice. I don't show anyone when I'm hurt and crying. I showed it to Evan a few times and he made me feel like I was weak, and to Damien he called me a cry baby. But still I spent like every day crying about him and taking all the blame. Sometimes it felt like I went heartless and I couldn't stop. I told him even when I just say that I wanted him that it was so hard for me to say. And he's just like "well how about this, if you don't say those things, I'll leave you." He's threatened me so many times and I can't get away. So I decided if I do nothing he can't get upset. Showing no cleavage in pics, not doing anything wrong, just trying to stay out of trouble. And then he just stops talking to me hardly and I think I can just fade out and everything will be okay. But. It's like, I'm scared he'll hurt me and himself, just the whole situation is messed up. And yeah he still talks to me. If I do anything though I always feel extremely guilty and feel like I have to tell him. Idk I feel emotionally exhausted after typing all that. Didn't mean to get so into details. Every time I upset him, he blows up my kik and leaves a ton of voice mails and texts and it's just better to play it safe. I feel like he just wants me, to keep me like his possession. When I do nothing and behave, he stops texting me. He also feels the need to punish me like he's my dad. It's weird. So I'm just trying not To get in trouble

[da1udr3amof-blog]

IsabellaAthenaRose Hi do I know you?  2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose–NO REPLY ? 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose–JUSTIFYING WHO SHE IS BEFORE SHES BEEN ASKED; Your Darius wife and I know his daughter 2 months ago Hello hru ntmu :) hun 2 months ago Just adding new friend because I stream is all–[THROWING A SNAKE OF THERE GAME] 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m good and yourself 2 months ago Im great thank you for asking😊 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose yw 2 months ago Im toni btw if you stream. I could like and comment on your pictures and I would appreciate if you did the same love, thank you 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose You are really beautiful 2 months ago thank you bella,  You are so kind 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose yw 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose—TRYING TO STROKE MY EGO hey beautiful a month ago Hello there bella hru? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m good a month ago That is good 2 hear🌹 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose yes a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose what you unfriend me or something?? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ? a month ago [HONESTY][throwing the bait] Yes i did Bella, i cant do the back and forth I told you something, and you brought it back to Darius…I’m not going to say to much about it anymore because I understand that some things are better left unsaid a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I got mad at him a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn't  get mad at you tho a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose—O'KAY I TOTALLY MISSED THIS PART WAIT WHAT?😱 just told him, he shouldn’t  bring me into ya’ll guy relationship a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose Whatever, being mad at me tho a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I done with people on here a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose just told him he shouldn’t bring up girl into your guys relationship a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey my bad a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose lol a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose all said was girl don’t want to hear about other girl in a relationship a month ago You know your truth and that is all that matters at the end of the day. a month ago Huh? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m not bad person a month ago Unclear message a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I was looking out for you a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose whatever a month ago I didn't say you where, I just said when it comes to Darius, I will keep my thoughts to myself because how things pan out in the end when talking to you. I don’t engage in drama a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I would kick his ass a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose If he start anything with you tho a month ago And sometimes you have to look out for yourself before you can look out for other. Everyone intentions always come to the light at the end of day.🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose OK a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose sorry a month ago 👌👍 a month ago No worries a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose OK a month ago Oh in the future please do not post anything @ in that natural to my stream, @asking me did i block? my inbox is available. Thank you a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ok a month ago Gm thanks 4 the likes on my stream💋 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose yw a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ugh a month ago what wrong hun are you okay ^^ a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t get guys a month ago What happen love you want to talk about it? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose well I met someone and he got mad at me  because  I have a  picture of me and  Zac and  sadia🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose he think I was grabbing Zac cock in the  picture🤔 a month ago Damn but its just a pic & if you took that picture before you meet him why do he care? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I know right and zac is my bestie  and  he family to me a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows is your love life doing🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 a month ago We good all is well. He prolly territorial. Thats  the way sounds to me a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose He been hurt a lot a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m happy for you guys work thing out a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose xoxo a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose thank you hunni a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ❤❤ a month ago Anytime love💋 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows u a month ago I’m blessed hun💝 a month ago Hru? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s good a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose eh I’m ok a month ago Eh I’m okay, don’t said like it, you said it like you lost your best friend or something😟 a month ago I am taking a imvu vacations, I am mentally broken I’m sorry i unfriended you. But this man he got me on a mental lock n key. I tried to block him but it seems the more harder i try. The worse his behavior get towards me.🙍 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose it’s ok a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hugs a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I will miss you a month ago Thank u for understanding bella n im so sorry love. All I want is to feel like my old bubbley self again (he has mentally broken me)🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I know hows you feeling right now a month ago I will miss you 2 💋 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose please add me back when you feeling better a month ago Thank you for understanding a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose we are girl we supposed to understand a month ago Lol you sound more n more like the unbroken me. I miss her so much (Amen 2 that) a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose lol a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose well being in love suck balls a month ago Yes i agree, this why I morally stay single a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose yea a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey hunni a month ago hey there sweetie, wanna come hang out @ my place for a bit, seem like we can use each other company :) a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose be on soon a month ago okay love cya when you get here a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I like have a close girl friend who can talking to a month ago @who can talking to, not sure what you meant when you say this? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose meant I never have have friend who is a girl🕵 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose can be like lets talk boys and makeup a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose or idk a month ago Because its rare here this why the ones i find i cherish them a month ago Oh on the post? a month ago Someone did made up hmm? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I agree  on that’s a month ago What about purses a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I love makeup a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ooo girl dont get me start on purses a month ago Well put on your need i love shoes a month ago I cant live without a good shoe, ik what you mean a month ago 😂 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I agreed on that’s a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose good morning beautiful a month ago Good Afternoon, 🌺Beautiful🌺 Have a safe and Blessed day a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey beautiful a month ago Good morning love, have a safe n blessed day XD a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose you too hun a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey mommy to be a month ago Hey there bella hru a month ago Hey there beautiful wyd a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose nothing much a month ago Sounds good quiet is always a great thing😊 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose yes a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows was your day a month ago great a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey hunni a month ago Hey beautiful hru a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m good and you a month ago Im bless ty 4 asking a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s good a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey 25 days ago Hey wassup 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose watching my  bae with someone 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m Honry as  fuck 25 days ago What im lost why are you watching? Join them @ horny 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose no he is fight with someone 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose dude if I saw thats happened I would kill the bitch 25 days ago Oh i didn't know they where fight now it makes more sense. you didn't say what you were watching, than you added you were horny, so i just assumed what even you were watching him do was causing that. Ikdr 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose lol 25 days ago 😁😁😁😁 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose bitch is ugly 25 days ago Who? 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose girl who he fight with 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose lol 25 days ago Why is he fight with her? 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose she insult him because  of his race 25 days ago Idk his or her face, but it sound mean 25 days ago And why you watching her disrespect your dude in the first place. Drag her and make shut up 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I did thats 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose told her to keep her opinions to herself 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose and told him to  stop and leave the room 25 days ago She must be miserable and need some attention than 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose yes now he  pissed off with me  because  he think I don’t  understand and  when I do  understand 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose older guy look at me like a sex toy🤔💭🤔💭 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose now he mad at me 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose ugh I can shoot myself 25 days ago wait what? 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose can I shoot myself 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m done with bullshit 25 days ago what bs im lose child you killing me -tell me whats going on 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose 😭 I’m try my  best with this  fuck guy🤔💭 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I never can please him or make him happy🤔💭 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows did I spy on you 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose ? 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose greeze relaxing 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I want come in to said  hi to you🤔💭🤔💭 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose are you really try to make  me look like a creeper because  I’m not 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose all try to do being a  friend to you🤔💭 24 days ago🤔💭 IsabellaAthenaRose but whatever 24 days ago Friends respect each other  space and by you popping in n leaving that made me feel like you was spying.🤔💭 I have trust issues when it comes to people on imvu due to my past. Idk if your understanding this but real friends don’t do weird stuff n say whatever like they dont care. But it only take me back to how i meet you and maybe that is your reason to say idc whatever🤔💭 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows would I spy on you 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t care what’s you do 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I have mine own problems right now🤔💭 24 days ago You to young to understand, you being selfish. & you are not listening to what i just said, you listen to reply without understand where I’m coming from….its was simply to say you wasn’t respecting my space. im sure you read the room before entering. 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose ok 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey hun 23 days ago Hey there bella hru 23 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m alright 23 days ago Thats good to hear 23 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose yea 23 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey beautiful lady 22 days ago Gm love 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows was your pool date with Rico🙄🤦‍♀️🕵️‍♀️ 22 days ago :) its wonderful❤ 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s good 22 days ago how was your visit with Rico smfh 😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬 22 days ago stay the fuck! away from me, i don’t deal with snakes🐍 🐍🐍 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose what’s did I do 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m your sissy 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows I’m fuck snakes 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose fuck you🙅 22 days ago you know exactly what tf you did why the fuck you add Rico bitch? do i add or ask you to meet any of your dudes🤔💭 22 days ago fuck you too you thirsty bitch😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m sorry sissy 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn’t do anything with him 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose greeze 22 days ago fuck sorry, fuck imvu, and you fuck  Darius  22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows did I fuck Daris 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t be mad at me 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose you are was my friend 22 days ago fuck you adding him for??? you went ape shit when I comment on your page about that ugly nigga you fuck with 22 days ago I don’t share dick!!!!! that is not what friends do, not this friend 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t want him so 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose yeah 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose be mad at me 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m tired of being shit on, opening up to you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m not cunt 22 days ago you wish you where me from the day you meet me. you hated me because of Darius and now you want to pay me back with Rico, so sad, for something you both lied to me about 22 days ago You hugged up on sadia’s ex man?? like what kinder friend are you really 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I work with his model company 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose nah I like be who I'm🙄🤔💭 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t need to be  you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose just block me 22 days ago no hookah im'ma let u stalk me like you been doing 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose nah I’m good 22 days ago oh and everybody on imvu dont fuck each other, just you do “as you say” 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose though we are friend  like all girl  on here 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose leaves me alone diva 22 days ago bitch you don’t send my man a friend request are you slow or did i miss something and what i said…you smiling in my face while you in another chat room with him “hell no"  22 days ago you should leave me alone, fucking snake🐍 🐍 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows I’m snake when I listen to your problem 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose being there for you 22 days ago I don’t add your men and for certain had i know you had dealing with Darius before me I would fuck with him at all, but you lied and said you where just his daughter friend like wtf now this 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m his friend daughter 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn’t even touch him 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose he probably lying to you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose whatever 22 days ago If you are his daughter friend and you claim you have moral why would you be fucking him?? 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn’t even fuck him 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose believe what’s you want 22 days ago well that not what Darius said he claim you wanted to but you was to young and Now you trying to add Rico really 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose because we  are family 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose though I was your sister 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose whatever I have good  life 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn’t  wanted too 22 days ago bitch he ain’t your family nor did you ask was okay before doing it you went behind my back and did it 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose he invite me to the room 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose tho 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose whatever 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m your sister 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose bye 22 days ago karma you just remember that  22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose smh 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose he wanted to know who I’m so I’m your sister 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s you meant a lot to me 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose —[THEBOLDFACELIE] we ain’t friend🎭 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose anyway 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose anymore 22 days ago No see you wanted to be in my business, fuck my dude, own it, your bs. idc no more like you said everybody on imvu fucks everybody and that the code and moral you live by. I told you I would introduce you but you went behind my back like sluts do and added him so it is what it is 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose he invite me 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose —-BITCH BECAUSE YOUR VISIT WAS NEVER ABOUT ME THAT WHY YOU HAD NOTHING BAD TO SAY ABOUT ME: I didn’t said anything bad about you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose —-NO ASKED YOU TO CHECK PPL I DATE RESUMES WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS AND WHY THIS OLDER NI55AS DOGGING YOU: he seem like good  guy for you 22 days ago If you add someone, ofc they going to invite you. you just dont get it im tired, i have nothing else to say because you had no business add my man point blank 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m sorry 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose please forgive me 22 days ago I cant trust no one, no more and thanks to you I’m braking up with Rico again!!! thank you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose because of me 22 days ago Yes, because of you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose because I said nice things about you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose because  I was  be good sister 22 days ago You don’t get it do you???, you should've add him point blank I don’t need no one to be a resume for me I knew Rico before i meet Darius, Rico knows who I am 22 days ago I ask you before when we was in the restaurant to respect my space but i guess that went in one ear and out the other so whatever your low key intention is with Rico, have them, but revenge is served best cold on a plate  22 days ago @being a good sister no you was being a snake and got caught 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn't like him believe what’s you want 22 days ago hard to tell, you went out you fucking way to get to know someone, thats thirsty 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose omg 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s is far from its hun 22 days ago exactly omfg bella 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose anyway it’s done 22 days ago I told you to respect my space 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose—BIG LIE[IF YOU DIDNT MEAN TO ADD IF, I GUESSING YOU DIDNT MEAN TO GO TO HIS INVITE EITHER; I didn’t meant to add him ok my phone is fucked up 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose ok 22 days ago lying bitch!!!!!! 22 days ago I hate people like you!!!! I hope ya’ll get whats coming for ya’ll, always trying to fuck people over 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I drop my vodka on its 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose last night 22 days ago Fuck you and your vodka!!!!, Die in your sleep bitch!!! 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I done talk to you about this 22 days ago

[realitytraumaticboy]

Page 12 Being Controlled and Anti Social Media Technology

2012 20 here another part of me that i felt like i feel been controlled by a toy even if she want the best of me... there 2 side of the story one that hide me in a bubble where there no place that one one can’t hurt me and where i got a my eyes blind of the reality outside where she want it to do it in her time and now and get mad if i never do it right now and makes me this perfect doll where even if i have mistake i never fix it because i still leave in her protective bubble where i can’t break free and go anywhere or any place outside and the other side where this one never hug me or give some love only strict discipline a place where i never learn about love or hugs or how to be social a person that scream you and want to take you force to their places and if you don’t go they make your life impossible and try to ruin everyone you love around in your circle to make sure you also be perfect and never be someone that don’t disrespect the rules that they want you to follow not what you heart telling you to do even if is the right or run thing. just like a girl with a remote control controlling your life to always win and never lose....

Between mom and grandma both turn me into her marionette in her own way one in a bubble and other in a rusk but both have one in common and is controlling me.

Sometimes i wish someone help or i can help myself but in the end i have no escape to go just like a traps.

Maybe one day i can cut the thread and be free and be totally me.

Why anti social media not that social media is bad is that is you need to know how to use it for good or bad and i choose both my web life start with myspace a day that something get really popular all your friends have it and you need to be in like them just like today Facebook,twitter,Instagram,tumblr,musically,karaoke smule,vine,YouTube,snapchat and is goes on and on there a lot popular apps other there that for some reasons someone tell you about it or find it on the web that everyone is using it and you open the door and is never stop because you get out of one and enter on another one to get update on all the website is additive too i end deleting snapchat and twitter for personal reason not is that not bad just like is to much for me all the depend the reasons you use it work,job,business,get update on someone else life or curse and bullied others not me maybe discuss a topic too but here where i enter in the bad side of the internet even if a enter again today and i want to get out games Audition, Toontown,website with scary and haunted games like a a lot,also games for 18+ website that exist trust me you don’t wanna know what there even videos of anime and yaoi all that stuff recommended by people outside or online because you don’t know it until someone tell you nothing comes until someone say it but there one game i cross the line name IMVU a game where you create avatar and online with real people also i remember something for adult name AP i tell you later about that one i create a lot avatar 3 boys and 3 girls on the game i was in group and different rooms until one day with one of my avatar they gift me the AP means they can get undress and do adult stuff on the game just like real life one guy gift it to me in my girl avatar also in the game i play the love game and cheating game and go more far with messenger trying to mess with that person then i say i was joking and i am a male on real live and go on cam like he ask me then he expose the video on YouTube and tell i like boys lying on the web i was so frustrated that i say to that person i left the game and gift all my 6 avatar if you delete that video 1 week trying until he delete it and i end gifting the avatar to one of his friends with the AP and the other 6 and gift it to random people i know in the game i know they will take good care and i left after that lesson i learned i never enter again in a online game about love and real life except sims that you don’t have to connect with real people.

I try singing karaoke app,Musically,YouTube and others app dancing even if they end reporting my video a lot on YouTube i try to be someone and try to be famous but in the end i learn is was not for me and give up because i learn that life was not for me that why i delete twitter and snapchat because i feel social media is killing me inside the way i escape from reality and real life where i turn my life social to anti social a anti social media life that sometimes i wish say i want my life back not that i want my likes back when you enter the door is hard to get out because something always come new and you always going to be curious to be part of it and be where everyone else is that part of technology life something that makes your life easier for good or bad or that can change your life or ruin it forever.

I talk about Games and Social Media but not about music not that i don’t like music just that i have a lot that i delete it all of them even is it hurt for good and now i start to listen to Christians songs because i felt all others type of music Latino,English,Romanian,K-pop,Others because i listen to different language and i know it all you get to a point that when i have my headphone on is not me is the music like a mind control where i change completely into someone else like a enter in another world where i feel confident,powerful,ready to let none stop me and walk with swag and do stuff and poses like a was in a music video or feel in movie i just feel in my opinion that is time to change i not telling you to stop listening to music just listen the one with the right message and positive and clean vibe that the only advice i can say because music can have the power to make you do a lot of thing even if you don’t believe it.

Photographic more like selfies or pics is the next topics because there something even dark in the web that none one told you until  someone get out the truth that part of life.

but just when i thought thing going to get better i end being the worst..

[vuisburning]

IMVU FEMALE TEA

Abuses aka pabloescabor - Well y'all we gone start this off with A MF BANG. This bitch we fake as, always sliding in tryna be the god saver, shit y'all she fooling you. If you think snake, a snake, this bitch snakes mom. Nigga should make ince(s)t babies together. Y'all rank af. The only pro = she finna let you bussa nut on her face if you ask nicely. 

Krystal aka turkishdelight- :):) boi this ‘sweet girl'will play you for a fool. Niggaz iz  practically  on Pvbics dick bitch what u want with pink white ppl shit, get yo self a MAN wit ah puerto d. She really fooling y'all wit her innocent act. She on Abuses level rn ho. Snake, Abuses and Krystal. Snake babies. 

Seunsets aka the gold [removed] kanyewest be talkin bout- y'all dont get me mf started on this bichtch, alwsys tryna be right and shih. she a thick bichtch but she thicc in d head too my niggas. she a gold dinggng black female, worse than uckers MY NIGGA KEEP YOUR WALLETS IN A SAFE, SEUNSETS ON DA LOOSE. 

Plough aka weeweehead ass- This bitch really thowt she the burnbook queen when she typing up this ‘old reg girls’ list  shit herself. She always tryna be relevant on this shit by complimenting and minor roasting herself. Bitch yo ass not fooling anyone ho. She known for being a ho, so if y'all want nudes after a first date, plough da one. Just ask every black guy on imvu. This bitch really tryna be “black” and “french”, shit plough the type of nigga to wea r a shirt saying “black lives matter” and justify yoself talking “my moms, sisters, aunties, nieces, kittens,hamsters, incest uncles, baby ponies, fox is blac” bihtchhhh im blasting. the only good thing y'all, is she kinda hot, but jailbait

ALDI aka baldilocks- calling all battleships, the baldi is about to land. If a nigga ever looking for a bitch to lick your cooch, this female da one. shih ion even know this female but she hella annoying, all i know is she uckers side ho. and they both be talking mad shit about each and every one of y'all when you not there. Aldi always be in every room looking for a bisexual female to be prying heer hanz on to, go slow siz.

Uckers aka british bad bih- this bichth hot as shit vro and a fine azz black woman, iza a female you can vibe with. shih we all know who mwolfe is? that nigga played nmad, celebro and uckers. issa 3 way orgy >_< they deciding to lick each other coochi in the end shit. Y'all rwhen Aldi, rollsafe and Uckers in a room togeteher they talk mad shit ? what happened to y'all and the fun. y'all gone boring as shih.  uckers and seunsets the baddest

natrolite aka snowfest- you finna make ma dick limp. why this bicth always so mad? she got a boyfriend but still be jealous if another female be talking to a guy that her friend. Y'all she a thottie with rollercoaster lookin brows. bICTHES EYEBRAS be looking like a ski slope, be sledging and up and down tht shiz. Ana and elsa gonna be filming frozen 2 on that shiz.

Rollsafe aka drugsafe- shih talking of da druglord here comes rollie, i be seeing more and more of this sand coon everyday i thoawt she left for good. man oh man this bitch lowkey a dealer, that where she probably getting all tha cash from. can y'all guess whats sand [removed], smokes hella weed and has bipolar DING DING this bichtch. i fwu style but if i a nigga had to choose plough or you plough at the top of my list. dont be fooled be a bad bithcth my niggas, we don want non complex femalez

Alliegant aka playgirl bunny - ho ho ho merry homas. shih you might be hot as hell babygirl but i’d fuck then trash you ^_^. what’s white with self esteem issues and leads men on? BINGO. ALLHOGENT. When you gonna realiZE allie that all deez men want you for yo body because you so damn easy. When you gon realise that vro was playing you wit someone with a batter hart. He used you for da pixel cooch sis.