#but then i just end up drawing the dumbest bullshit imaginable

[senselessalchemist]

Lazy vidya game bullshit

[hopeswriting]

Credit image: @noaa​ - Unsplash

Edit image: Pixlr/Canva

Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn

Title: The Nuances of a Wrathful Sky

Author: @hopeswriting​​

Rating: T

Pairing: Varia & Xanxus

POV: Third Person Limited, Alternating

Summary: Xanxus doesn’t want, nor looks for, and definitely doesn’t need Guardians. His Guardians find him all the same when he needs them the most (not like he’ll ever admit that aloud), and then just never leave.

Themes: Formation of Varia, Varia’s Backgrounds, The Craddle Affair, Minor or Background Varia Arc

Chapter: 1/? (2057 words)

Squalo wasn’t predestined to be a swordsman, nor the way of the sword called him or chose him or any of that shit.

Squalo decided he wanted to wield a sword. He wanted to spill the blood of his enemies, to stain his weapon and clothes with it, wanted to watch the pain and struggle and despair on their face.

Squalo wanted to be close enough to them to not miss the moment they’d realize he was the death of them, but far enough away so they couldn’t retaliate easily.

He chose the sword and worked to make it an extension of his arm, of his whole body; worked to make it so no other weapons would ever feel so right in his hand.

Whiny Dino splutters and panics and is being his usual pathetic self when he tells him he wants to travel the world to master his technique.

Squalo snatches him by the collar. There’s worry and fear in his eyes of all things, as if Squalo can’t take him on any day, any moment.

“Voi, don’t order me around you scum. I’ll do whatever the hell I want.”

“But Squalo—” There’s a flickering determination in brown eyes, and Squalo considers letting it come to life fully. It’s not often he succeeds to goad the clumsy Sky in a serious fight.

He gets Dino on his tip toes, tightening his grip on his collar, cutting off his breathing. “Don’t insult me Cavallone, who do you think you’re talking with?” A dangerous grin splits his face from ear to ear. “You’re looking at the best swordsman of this generation.”

*

The first thing Squalo learns on his journey is what defeat tastes like. It tastes like looming death, like unfulfilled cravings and a bleeding pride. This one defeat is tainted by mercy, which adds a sharp, sour taste of anger and disdain at the back of his tongue.

“Voi, what do you think you’re doing? Kill me before I kill you.”

“Why are you in such a hurry to die?” the swordmaster says. “I gave you the fight you wanted. I did not hold back either, merely matched my skills to yours. You survived. The way of the sword didn’t let you down just yet.”

“What kind of bullshit is that?” Squalo spits out. He doesn’t live in a world so kind he’ll be given second chances. Victory is living to see the next fight while defeat is death. There’s no room for draws in Squalo’s world. “Kill me before I kill you,” he says again.

The swordmaster turns his back to him and walks away. Squalo crawls to his sword and stands back up. The swordmaster goes down.

*

Squalo continues his journey, tackles on Italy first then Europe, goes to Africa and America, roams the streets of Asia and doesn’t forget Australia. He challenges all the masters he can find, their refined styles clashing against Squalo’s simple sword, which gets deadlier each time he leaves in his wake corpses he dragged down from their pedestal.

They call his first win against a swordmaster a fluke, call him a child who’ll get burn by the fire he’s playing with sooner than later. The second swordmaster he kills is deemed too sloppy, the third one too soft. The fourth one and all the others after him expect him, know better than to underestimate him, don’t hide their killing intent from him. Squalo gives back as good as he gets. Squalo is still the last one standing, and is quick to move on to his next prey

It’s particularly delightful to watch the so-called flawless, strongest and invincible style of the swordmaster and his two apprentices crumbles under his blows. There’s no such thing as a flawless, strongest and invincible style. Squalo swears only by his sword but it’s a truth he acknowledges. It’s a truth he won’t make the mistake to ever forget.

When the Varia tries to recruit him, he’s known and respected as The Ravenous Shark who always finds himself where the blood smells the strongest, and never leaves without a new fresh layer of red trailing his steps.

*

Squalo goes to the Varia headquarters to refuse their offer and gets them off his back. As “independent” they may be they’re still Vongola, and he’s none-too keen to be ordered around.

A step in the mansion and all of his body tenses under the weight of Sky flames all over the place. The undercurrent of anger and violence, the sheer threat of the flames behind their calm aspect isn’t lost on him—it wouldn’t be lost even on the dumbest of dumb fucks on this world.

It’s not a display of power, Squalo knows right away. It’s not a demand for submission either, nor the Sky offering himself up for eventual courtships. This Sky just doesn’t care who his flames reach or who’d be suicidal enough to take it as a challenge. This Sky simply doesn’t see the point to have his flames in a leash.

Squalo mercilessly reigns his Rain flames in lest they lash out blindly, lest they try and submit to the Sky flames, or—god forbid—try and court them.

The Sky is a he, and the utter fury in his eyes is like nothing else Squalo ever seen. His flames thrash and bite and purr, eager to see if they can drown the man—the boy really, and how strange to think they’re about the same age—before they get burn to ashes. The Sky turns his gaze on him, and Squalo’s bloodlust finds a Home at last, strong enough to never need from him any restraint. (Squalo could have been claimed before, truly. But he has no need for a Sky who can encompass him only when he limits himself.)

He walks forward to meet his Sky, the most sure he has ever been in his life, without having any idea on how it’ll play out.

*

Tyr lies dead at his feet after two long days of battle. Squalo looks down at his bloody sword and sees the embodiment of his ambitions. He looks at his bleeding, exhausted and painful body, and sees the proof of his resolve. Squalo looks at his lost left hand and sees the depth of his loyalty.

Squaring the accounts of the battle, washing away the blood spilled*—this is how The Requiem Rain is born.

(Squalo knows there’s a lot of swordmasters he has still to meet and defeat. Knows there’s a lot of swordsmen out there who can challenge him on the title he covets he has to find and eliminate. He doesn’t worry about them. He’s still young after all, there’s no need to rush his pleasure.)

*

Xanxus tells him of his plan, and it’s not a show of trust. It’s sure as hell not a call for help. At most it’s some kind of test, but either way Squalo doesn’t care. (Both of them are letting their hair grow, they’re past needing any show of trust.)

“We’ll need more people of our level for this.”

“I don’t need anyone.”

“Voi,” Squalo cries in indignation, “of course I can take on these Vongola scums on my own too! But you know better than me Nono isn’t to be underestimated. You can’t spare any strength on some underlings if you want to win.”

Xanxus throws his whiskey at him because he said “if”, but he doesn’t disagree.

In a near future and the years to come, when Squalo will have the urge to stab to death or cut the others useless Varia officers heads off, he’d stop and remember just who he has to thank for that. It won’t stop him from trying—if anything, it’ll make him try harder.

*

Someone sold them out, Squalo has no doubt about it. He looks forward to the fight to decide who’ll be the one to kill the traitor, but he knows Xanxus won’t let this particular kill in anyone else hands.

They successfully make their way through the mansion anyway, taking full advantage of Vongola’s hesitation and confusion when they realize they’re fighting their own.

Vongola Nono is a monster on his own right because of course he is. They land some blows, make for a decent challenge, but Squalo isn’t fooled. Vongola Nono isn’t even fighting with his all, doesn’t bother to show them this bare minimum of respect.

When both of them think he’s out cold, words are spoken he could never have imagined, and everything about Xanxus suddenly makes so much more sense. Did Vongola actually expected any other outcome? How delusional of them.

The ice caught Xanxus in his peak of fury, his face all harsh features, his eyes hateful and unforgiving, his hand outstretched in what was meant to be a killing blow. The ice is so incredibly cold against his palm it’s easy to forget it’s not Dying Will Flames; seeps through skin and bones and makes his flames recoil in such a way it can be nothing else but Dying Will Flames. Squalo can’t reach back to his Sky.

“You’re one pathetic man, old man.” But what to say of him then? About how useless he was in his Sky’s hour of need, how useless he is still now, to not be able to carve a new path for them towards their goal. Pathetic doesn’t even begin to cover it, Squalo doesn’t hold himself to such low standards.

“Stop the attack Squalo,” the old man says, sounding so much like the understanding and saddened grandfather he likes to pretend he is, Squalo thinks maybe he really forgot the cold-blooded, ruthless ruler he truly is. “Call back your men. You lost, there’s no need for anymore blood to spill.”

“Do you think this is over? Do you think this will stop him? That your ice froze even his ambitions, his Will?” Xanxus is still alive, as distant and barely there anymore his bond feels. This doesn’t have to be the end. Levi is Raging as they’re talking, and Bel’s bond took on a single-minded focus different from his childish glee from before. But this isn’t what Squalo is asking.

“It’s over,” the old man only says.

Squalo slams his fist against the ice, points his broken sword at him. “Voi, you foolish old man,” he roars, but his voice lowers in an even tone then. “This is only the beginning, can’t you even guess that?” Xanxus is still alive, and if he didn’t kill him now he won’t kill him later. It’s his mistake, maybe the last he’ll ever make. “Xanxus will be back, and when he does we’ll be there. We’ll be ready.” Squalo trusts the man to not be senile enough he doesn’t take his words as the threat they are.

*

Squalo learns that day defeat and failure aren’t the same thing, don’t sink their claws in the soul at the same depth. He learns how easy one is to overcome and forgive, and is too prideful and loyal to let the other be the same.

“The day will surely come when you’ll be thankful you made me your ally*,” Squalo had say to him. He thinks about those words a lot when dealing with the fallout of their failed Coup. Thinks about how they’re there to deal with it while Xanxus is restrained in a prison made of ice.

They’re both still alive, he says to himself when his own words haunt him. Others days will come both of them will be able to share and enjoy. He still can make good of his promise—he will.

*

Eight years later he is send on a hunt to retrieve the rings his Boss needs to make his ambition a reality. Squalo’s hair reaches his waist, a reminder of what he stands for and who he stands with for all the world to see. Xanxus’s hair doesn’t, and it’s a reminder his resolve and strength failed him once.

He won’t fail this time.

*

*: Direct quotes from Amano Akira.

Thank you for reading! If you’re interested in more here are the links on ao3 and ff.net.

[hysmpod]

Transcript: Have You Seen Me? Episode One: Kitty Scott is Missing

Hey listeners! Sorry this took us a while. We at HYSM? are dedicated to accessibility in the audio drama community and will always make transcripts free to everyone. If you are interested in viewing annotated scripts, though, they are soon to be available to patrons! For as little as $1 per episode, you can get early access to episodes as well as these annotated scripts and other goodies. Click here to learn more.

Without further ado, here is the transcript for Episode One: Kitty Scott is Missing.

SFX: A cassette tape click. OPHELIA takes a deep breath, a second. When she speaks it is with a slight tremble.

OPHELIA

This is going to be difficult to say. When I first started using this recorder, I never thought I would be doing anything serious with it. Not like this, I mean. I always thought our investigations were serious and important, like it mattered that we were proving something’s existence. I mean, ghosts are real, but of course we knew that way before we put it on cassette. We agree that if Bigfoot does exist, and we aren’t saying that they do, they should just be left alone. Three-eyed deer who will draw you into the woods to great fortune or great peril… again, some of us remain unconvinced, but I myself am a believer. 

I… The date is April 19th. My best friend, Kitty Scott, has been missing for almost 48 hours. And I have no idea where she is.

To say it’s unlike her would be a gross understatement, but I guess that’s what a lot of people say, right? When people go missing? “It seems so unlike them. I can’t imagine why. You think you know somebody.”

The thing is that I do know Kitty. I know her better than I know anybody in the world, even Isaac, even myself. Her brother James--who can go straight to you-know-where at his earliest possible convenience--he says that she skipped town. And that’s what everybody thinks, but it isn’t true. I’m sure of it. Kitty wanted to leave, but she wouldn’t. She’s still here. Somewhere.

So, who’s on my side? Isaac, for sure. He’s known Kitty for her whole life--well, everyone here has--but she’s basically lived here for the last two years. He not her best friend, but he is her best friend’s uncle and legal guardian, so close enough.

Sheriff Hayle will back me up, I bet. She’s something of a mystery herself, sure, but when it comes down to it she is smart as anything and hates James just about as much as I do. Not great for mayoral-police relations, but I don’t think anybody really cares that much. If I tell her what I know, she’ll believe me. Oh, maybe she’ll even let me work the case with her! Oh my god, Kitty will think it’s hilarious. “Detective Ophelia Joy, Amsterdam PD! Pew pew pew pew pew!” Yeah, I like it.

And then there’s the new kid. He’s already offered to help, which is great news. It’s kind of hard to get a read on him, but he seems honest enough. Pretty sharp. Nice and all.

Maybe I’m not giving him enough credit. We never get new folks in town, so I don’t really have a lot of room for comparison. Everyone I know is someone I’ve known for years. And someone who’s known Kitty for years, which will either be very good or very, very bad. She has a very unique… and… strong personality. That I love, obviously.

But I guess that’s the team. Isaac, Sheriff Hayle, the new kid, and me. Now I guess we do what detectives do; we look over what we know. We investigate what we don’t. We solve the case!

Let’s break it down.

SFX: A click as the tape ends. 

After a moment:

KITTY

Bug, I love you, but that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard in my life.

OPHELIA

Just think about it--

KITTY

Ghosts? Why not. Werewolves? Okay, fine. I’ll even take a stab at fairies if they aren’t the Tinkerbell kind. But what you’re spouting is bullshit, babe.

OPHELIA

What is so hard to believe about a three-eyed deer?

KITTY

(Dramatically) The three-eyed deer, eerie in its grace, its centerfold eye radiating gold. Beware its gaze, or it may steal thine soul! “Hear it not, Duncan, for it is a knell / That summons thee to heaven, or to hell.”

OPHELIA

...Well when you quote Macbeth you make it sound stupid. 

KITTY

Shakespeare was right about a good many things.

OPHELIA

But this is real. I’ve been doing research at the library archives, and--

KITTY

You’ve been sneaking into the library archives when Mrs. Fumero isn’t looking.

OPHELIA

I’ve been sneaking into the library archives when Mrs. Fumero isn’t looking. And there have been multiple accounts of these deer. Not like, on the front page, but still. A lot of people say they felt compelled to follow them into the woods, where great danger surely awaited… or greatest fortune.

KITTY

You see? How does that not sound fake?

OPHELIA

Truth is stranger than fiction, dear.

KITTY

(Tsks) Listen to us, sounding like an old married couple. And you know what wives do for their wives? They tell them how the Scottish play ends.

OPHELIA

They tell them how the Scottish play ends?

KITTY

Oh, would you? You’re a doll.

OPHELIA

You can memorize it--not even one of the best lines--but you can’t bother reading all of it?

KITTY

Please don’t question my genius, Bug. And I know you didn’t read it either. You just watched some high school performance on YouTube!

OPHELIA

It was meant to be seen and not read anyway.

(She sighs)

Pretty much everyone dies because MacB isn’t fit to be king. Um, Lady MacB gets obsessive about washing her hands clean of blood and then dies. The witches give ole Mickey a prophecy that no man born of a woman can kill him, so Macduff kills him because his mother had a C-Section, so he wasn’t technically born, so he can kill Macbeth.

KITTY

Wow. That shit’s depressing.

OPHELIA

What do you think “the Tragedy of Macbeth” means? It’s on the front cover!

KITTY

Bold of you to assume I read what I don’t have to. As exciting and invigorating as this is, I better get going. It's, like, ugh, midnight, and that essay’s due first period. It’s not going to write itself! I would know, I’ve bet on that happening before.

That ending’s kind of stupid, anyway. Lady MacB could have killed him. She’s not a man of woman born, right? A little stab there, a little “I am no man!” Lord of the Rings, baby!

OPHELIA

Eowyn could take me out, honestly.

KITTY

Like a date, or with her sword?

OPHELIA

I’m impartial.

KITTY

I feel it. Hey, we’re gonna meet at the Igloo after school, right? You promised a birthday sundae, and if you fail to complete your end of the bargain, well… (Her voice drops) You may meet an unfortunate accident.

OPHELIA

(Laughs) I won’t let you down, boss. 

SFX: Kitty leaves and walks down the stairs

Hey, what do I get out of this?

KITTY

(Distantly)You get to hang out with me! Love you, Bug!

SFX: The door slams behind her.

OPHELIA

Love you too.

SFX: A cassette tape clicks.

OPHELIA

I hate the phrase “the last time I saw her.” Let’s call it the most recent time instead. It seems more confident. It was the night before her birthday, the 17th. Well, April 17th, and she turned 18 on the 18th. Oh, this could get confusing. Okay, so let’s call April 18th the day of the incident, which is also her birthday. But, come to think of it, we don’t know whether whatever happened… happened on the day of the incident, the 18th. It could have happened very late on the 17th, when I saw her most recently.

Oh my god, this would be way clearer written down. Curse my dyslexia! Pens are way too slow, and the computer is even slower. Tape, you are the only constant in life. I owe it all to you, buddy.

In any case, we don’t know when the uh… the incident, uh, incited. I used to ask her to text me when she got home, but she always forgot, so I kind of gave up. I haven’t talked to James or Lizzie yet. Which is to say that they’ve tried their best not to talk to me. Sometimes I forget that Lizzie used to be my babysitter. She used to be so cool before she married that d-bag.

It’s like once they got married they started sharing all of his baggage. I’m an only child, so maybe I just don’t get it, but aren’t you supposed to love your siblings? Maybe that’s a lie fed to me by years of TV, but I thought the worst it was supposed to be was a few pranks, maybe a scuffle. I’ve never seen people with as bad of a relationship as Kitty and James. I don’t think he’s ever given a crap about her, and she knows it. It’s a wonder the whole town doesn’t know it, but he’s the golden child. He could probably kill someone and they’d forgive him for it.

(Pauses) He wouldn’t, would he?

Okay, maybe I need to get a little perspective before I accuse the mayor of murder. He probably didn’t do it, but I wouldn’t put it past him, morally speaking. Can you hire a hitman in Ohio? I don’t think so, but it might be worth looking in to.

(She clears her throat)

Back on the case. At first I didn’t realize that anything was wrong. We don’t have any classes together before lunch, but I didn’t see her at our usual table. I asked around, but Cassidy B said that she didn’t see her in geometry or English. I texted her during lunch, but she didn’t respond in time for the next class.

Now, when your friend doesn’t show up to school one day, typically your first thought is that she’s sick. Maybe she’s throw up, or she has a fever. Say it’s her birthday, which it was; Maybe she’s skipped class to play video games all day. It wouldn’t be out of character.

I, on the other hand, had the initial thought that she had been kidnapped. After she left that night, I admit that I watched a few… or a lot of true crime videos online. I can’t stop thinking about the case about this girl from the early 2000’s. She was a child genius, she played a ton of instruments, that kind of thing. Then one night, a man that once did construction on her family’s house broke in through her window and kidnapped her. It took them months to find her, and among the other unspeakable things that happened to her, she had been hidden in plain sight. Her kidnapper would dress her up in a disguise--you know: glasses, a wig, a veil--and called her his wife, and hardly anyone was the wiser.

The whole thing is pretty scary. No, it’s more than that. The idea that it could happen to you, or to anyone, even, it keeps you up at night. The idea that there’s just something right in front of you, and you just can’t see it. 

Better keep my eyes open, I guess.

SFX: A click as the tape ends.

SFX: A voice mailbox tone.

SFX: Bird chirping.

KITTY

This is Kitty. Leave a message, or don’t. The choice is yours. Use it wisely.

SFX: A voice mailbox tone.

KITTY

This is Kitty. Leave a message--

SFX: A voice mailbox tone.

KITTY

This is Kitty--

SFX: Bells jingle as Ophelia walks into the Igloo. Birdsong fades.

EMPLOYEE

(Bored to death) Sorry man, cash only.

LIAM

Wait, for real?

EMPLOYEE

That’s what it says on the sign. We don’t even have a card reader.

LIAM

(Stumbling over his words) Okay. Then you can just--keep it, I guess.

OPHELIA

Hey, wait! I can cover it for you.

LIAM

Really?

OPHELIA

Yeah. It’s, what, a tornado with M&M’s? Those things are like, two dollars. It’s not a big deal.

LIAM

I can pay you back, I promise.

OPHELIA

Deal. And can I get two sundaes, the works?

EMPLOYEE

Sure thing, ‘Felia.

LIAM

Felia?

OPHELIA

Oh, it’s a nickname. The whole thing is Ophelia Florence Joy, which is exactly why I go by Fee.

LIAM

Yeah, that checks out. I’m Liam. Summers. Liam Ferdinand, if you want the whole thing.

OPHELIA

I must say, that’s a pretty good one.

LIAM

Thanks, I picked it out myself and everything.

OPHELIA

You’re not from around here, are you? Not to be weird, but I would remember seeing you. We don’t get a ton of fresh faces outside of summer fair season.

LIAM

I was hoping it wouldn’t be so obvious, but yeah, my parents and I just moved here. Yesterday, actually.

OPHELIA

I didn’t see any moving trucks. Um, where are you...

LIAM

Birch street. On the other side of downtown from here, I think.

EMPLOYEE

(In the background) Two sundaes, plus the tornado, that’s seven.

OPHELIA

Here. That’s a really nice area. You might be neighbors with my best friend. Have you met Kitty yet?

LIAM

You’re actually the first person I’ve really talked to here. We just got to town last night, and we had to switch banks when we moved here, right? So I don’t have an account at the new bank and I spent all my cash on road trip snacks. Hence, the credit card fiasco and my debt to you.

OPHELIA

(Sighs) I was kinda hoping you’d met her. She hasn’t been responding to me all day.

LIAM

Is she sundae number two?

OPHELIA

Yep. You know, this could really work out well for both of us. Want a ride home?

SFX: The recorder clicks on.

OPHELIA

Like I said, the new kid is pretty cool. He’s from New York--the city, not just the state--which automatically makes him the coolest person I know. Kitty would kick me for even daring to imply that it isn’t her, but she’s never even left this town, so that’s that. I mean, aunt Jen is from Jersey, but it’s not quite the same.

You technically aren’t supposed to be on the phone while you’re driving, but I figured I would make an exception while I drove the new kid home to call James’ office to see what was what. His assistant, Janet, definitely knows that he has something out for me. She didn’t even bother giving me some dumb excuse, like “he was in a meeting.” She just put me on hold for the whole ten minute drive to Birch Street. Birch… you know, there’s a scathing rhyming joke I could make, but hey, high road.

As I guessed, Liam now lives right next door to the Scott residence. I say right next door as if there isn’t three acres between every house on that road. It isn’t a very neighborly area, but then again, neither is my house, so I have no room to talk.

Macey answered Kitty’s door. She’s about six or seven now, and she’s already really smart. Kitty loves those kids, Macey and Junior. Which is why, when Lizzie came to the door and told me that Kitty hadn’t come home that night, I got out of there pretty quickly. I think kids understand more than we give them credit for.

SFX: Recorder clicks off. 

SFX: The sounds of light traffic. 

SFX: A door slams, followed by...

SFX: the sound of running as Ophelia approaches the police station.

OPHELIA

Sheriff Hayle! Sheriff Hayle! 

SFX: She trips over gravel.

Sh--I’m fine! I’m fine.

HAYLE

Jesus, kid. Almost made me drop my tea. What’s got you screaming?

OPHELIA

I--She, Kitty, she--

ISAAC

Fee, what’s wrong?

OPHELIA

She--Uncle Isaac, what are you doing here?

ISAAC

I got off early. I’m having tea with a friend. Ophelia, what’s going on?

OPHELIA

Kitty didn’t make it home last night. Sheriff Hayle, she was over at my house until maybe midnight, and then she left, and then I didn’t hear from her, and her sundae melted, so I went to her house and Lizzie said she didn’t come back, and I-- You know, not to jump to conclusions but--

HAYLE

Let’s take a deep breath, okay? You’re not just jumping, you’re headed for the trampoline. You sure she’s not just at a friend’s house?

OPHELIA

Sheriff, you know Kitty and I aren’t the kind of people to have two whole friends. We refer to those as “backup buds.”

HAYLE

Have you talked to James?

OPHELIA

I tried. It went about as well as you wouldd expect.

HAYLE

I’ll probably have better luck. You said you saw her last night? 

OPHELIA

Yeah. Hey, here's an idea; I’ll head along Mulberry, see if I can spot any clues, maybe talk to some neighbors? I bet Angela Bryant saw her drive by, that woman is always up late--

HAYLE

I don’t think so. Isaac’s gonna drive you home, and you’re gonna stay there. You’ve had enough excitement for today, I think. 

OPHELIA

Um, sorry? I’m not going to sit down while Kitty’s god-knows-where! What if she’s hurt, or, or scared?

HAYLE

Young lady, are you doubting my ability to do my job?

OPHELIA

(Quietly) I mean, a little.

HAYLE

Ophelia, I’ve known you for a long time, and I like to think I know you pretty well, you and Kitty both. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re going to try to take this into your own hands. How many times have I caught you hopping my back fence?

OPHELIA

Only, like, three times. Four, tops.

HAYLE

This isn’t the case of the missing garden rake, you hear me? We don’t know quite what this is yet, but if it’s serious business I can’t get a civilian tangled up in it all. Not only for your sake. I need you to think of Kitty. If you start poking your nose where it doesn’t belong, I don’t know what could happen.

OPHELIA

Sounds like a threat.

HAYLE

Jesus, Joy. You know I didn’t mean it like that!

ISAAC

Come on, both of you. Nothing’s getting done just standing here. 

OPHELIA

Fine. But you’ll let me know if you find anything, right?

HAYLE

Sure, kid. Sure.

SFX: Ophelia and Isaac walk across gravel.

SFX: Car doors open and shut.

SFX: Street noises fade.

SFX: The engine starts.

ISAAC

How about we go home? I think there’s some pizza in the fridge.

OPHELIA

Okay.

ISAAC

(The most awkward man alive) Just watch, Ophelia. Things are… They’re gonna be okay.

SFX: Recorder clicks on.

OPHELIA

As you can probably guess, I didn’t get a lot of sleep that night. Maybe three hours, tops. I didn’t hear from Sheriff Hayle that afternoon, but later that night Isaac told me that James had no idea where she was, either. They didn’t find her car, cell phone. Nothing. It’s like she was whisked away. Not in Kansas anymore. Now there’s just… hoping and waiting.

Wow, I couldn’t even convince myself for five seconds, huh? I know the sheriff has good intentions, but she’s got to be the dumbest person alive if she thinks I’m going to sit back like a good little girl while she does all the work. I’ve got a good brain and a car and a tape recorder. I know Amsterdam like I know my own brain, and I know Kitty even better. I’ve got, you know, goodness and the power of love on my side. That’s all it takes, right?

Let’s get ‘er done.

SFX: Recorders click off. 

SFX: The light chatterings of a crowd.

HAYLE

I’d like to thank everyone who came out to this preliminary search. As you know, Kitty Scott has been declared missing as of yesterday, presumably since very early that morning. Now, Kitty is no longer a minor, so no Amber alert has been issued, but her safe recovery is still an APD priority.

We will now be breaking into small groups of two or three to comb the area between the Scott residence on Birch Street and Foxhole Road. We’ve passed out maps with individual areas highlighted. Those will be your search areas. The whole thing should be about five square miles. If you find anything suspicious, please let the police department know as soon as possible, and an officer will be dispatched. Sound good?

SFX: Murmurs of agreement from the crowd.

LIAM

Hey, Ophelia! Uh, Fee!

OPHELIA

Liam? Hey.

LIAM

Do you have a search partner yet?

OPHELIA

Well, I was with my uncle, but I think he’s gone off somewhere. You can be with me, if you want.

LIAM

Great, thanks.

SFX: They start walking. 

SFX: The sound of the crowd disappears.

I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. About this whole thing. I know you’re best friends and all.

OPHELIA

Yeah, we’re pretty iconic. Dynamic duo, kind of thing. Sundae number two.

LIAM

It really sucks, then. That she would just leave like that.

OPHELIA

So that is what people are saying. That she’s a runaway.

LIAM

I mean, yeah. Just from what I’ve heard, it doesn’t seem like she had a lot of Amsterdam spirit.

OPHELIA

That much is true. She doesn’t.

LIAM

But you don’t think she ran?

OPHELIA

Even better. I know she didn’t.

LIAM

Then what happened to her? Maybe it’s just me, but if it were my best friend, I would rather she have run away than anything else. Better out there and free than here and hurt, you know?

But I’m sure she’s fine!

OPHELIA

I know that Kitty wouldn’t leave voluntarily because I’m still here. She wouldn’t run away. Not without me. Kitty is in Amsterdam, and I’m going to find her. Just watch.

SFX: Outro music.

NARRATOR

This episode of Have You Seen Me? was written by Emma Quinn and directed by Lauren Miles. It starred Emma Quinn as Ophelia Joy, Tobias Paul as Liam Summers, Gina Moravec as Sheriff Hayle, Jared Bruett as Isaac Joy, Lauren Miles as the Igloo Employee, and featured Kashia Ellis-Taylor as Kitty Scott. This episode was recorded at Redhawk Radio with sound production by Mikel Prater.

If you like what we do and want to support us financially, please consider becoming a donor on Patreon for as little as $1 a month. [EDITOR’S NOTE: We have now switched over to a per-episode payment schedule] Go to patreon.com/hysmpod to learn more. If you would like to support us emotionally, consider leaving us a rating and review on iTunes. Follow us @hysmpod on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr, or at Have You Seen Me? Podcast on Facebook. We would love to hear from you.

Thank you for listening, and keep your eyes open.

SFX: Outro music fades.

[boyfriem-moved]

Tell me about your ocs!!

oh boy WILL I EVER (below the cut bc im probably gonna ramble forever sjhdlhfsjd sorry)

so the ocs i was shitposting abt in that last post are my dumbass 12 year old ocs who were inspired by seraph of the end and the mortal instruments so it was uh,,,,,,,, a whole ass trainwreck but i love them and every time i tried to make them interesting i ended up changing everything about them so like last year i decided i would keep as much the same as i wanted about them and just fully embrace the mary sue dumbness of it and go absolutely wild

so! the state of the world at this point is that most of humanity is dead and the world is overun with demons and seraphim and some Whole Ass Biblical Angels and also vampires i guess bc Fuck You Vampires Are Cool. most living humans travel around in packs, general apocalypse bullshit yknow anyways all that’s boring onto the characters 

rowan is my twelve year old self’s self insert and their main personality trait is that they have an eyepatch and own a scythe and i love them to death. they’re self sufficient and perpetually annoyed and super gay and pretend to have no feelings but are actually super high strung and constantly worried about their friends. also they have an edgy cloak and bright red hair and did i mention the eyepatch and the scythe they’re the world’s edgiest bitch and i love them 

picture (sry for the old art it’s from like last december oof)

mal was pretty much nothing except rowan’s comphet boyfriend when i was younger so naturally i gave him the world’s most undeserved makeover and now he’s just a whole entire rowdy boy. imagine if the kid at your middle school who was obsessed with yugioh, instead of switching to magic the gathering when they got to high school, switched to kinning god and fistfighting demons. HIS dumbass origin story is that he was so scared of death that he made a deal with a demon named malachi (not its real name, the demons and seraphim are so terribly inhuman that human ears can’t hear their names, so they pick their own names somewhere within the range of “jeff” to “ylllmar the destroyer”) and then decided “hey as long as i have your power i basically AM you”, and now refuses to be called by his human name (james) because he’s so Dedicated To The Kin. (he’s such an asshole that he once told someone not to deadname him when they used his proper name. that someone being rowan. who is actually trans. they were not amused) 

picture (again: old (from november 2017 i think)) (also don’t worry he’s fine)

jem is probably my favorite (not 2 pick favorites but it’s her). she has all the confidence of mal, who’s so strong that he’s All But Immortal, except she’s 15 and 5 feet tall and couldn’t fight someone if her life depended on it. rowan considers her their mortal enemy, but they’re really something closer to girlfriends (although really it’s not that far of a leap from one to the other). she’s nosy and fearless and when she was like 13 she pretended to be a vampire to survive, joined a vampire girl gang, became the leader of said girl gang, then revealed that she was a human, but they all loved her so much that they just kinda said “fuck it” and now she has a horde of vampires to protect her wherever she goes. she’s The Ultimate Femme. wants immortality but doesn’t want it now because she doesn’t want to live in the body of a 16 year old for the rest of her life, so she’s waiting until her twenties to let one of the vampires turn her. in the meantime, she wears red contact lenses (vampires don’t have red eyes. it’s just a Her Thing) and every one of her outfits has enough frills and ruffles to smother her in lace. 

i dont have a readily available drawing of her but uh? yknow that girl from kill la kill (not to bring up kill la kill in the year of our lord 2019 i am SO SORRY) 

this one. that’s what she looks like kinda 

i can’t tell if this ask if ungodly long or if it’s just the pictures or both (probably both) but aNYWAYS 

my favorite beside jem is angel, aka the world’s dumbest bitch. his deal is that he’s a seraphim who was beaten up by his brothers for being a little bitch so he decided he’d go find a human to hang out with instead. so he put on the world’s most unconvincing human disguise (when i say seraphim i AM imagining glowing wheels of fire and eyes but they can shapeshift in this story bc uh. my world my rules) and went to find a human. and human. and he found little 12 year old rowan, said “this’ll do”, handed them a scythe, and they’ve been a dream team ever since. he’s fascinated with humans in the way that people are fascinated with their pets, which is kinda weird bc rowan is 100% the babysitter in this situation. he likes killing things, learning about human culture, rowan, and...that’s pretty much it. he and jem get along well because he’s like an overenthusiastic person and she’s the only one with the boundless energy to endulge him. 

again, no picture i’ve made myself, but i DID find the picture i ripped off google images a million years ago and used as his face (i promise you he looks nothing like that now...also i didn’t remember it looking like it had been deep fried jesus)

other noteworthy characters include: 

- mal’s pet demon who’s usually either a cat or a bird, both with WAY too many eyes, but sometimes takes the form of a little girl. her name is sara and her hobbies include mocking mal and biting people

- one random nameless demon who masqueraded as a middle school math teacher before the apocalypse which doesn’t matter one fucking bit except for the fact that when i was 12 i named him after my real middle school math teacher (i guess just bc i didn’t have name ideas?). which was all fine and good until my mom emailed him the story and i had to talk to him about how i’d written a short story where i inserted him as a demon 

- mika, the second in command of jem’s (almost) all vampire girl gang, her ex girlfriend and the butch to her femme 

[willowcrowned]

a few notes :

5 minute evil nonsense

LIVE SLUG REACTION SLUG

5 minute chase sequence no stakes

man oscar isaac is so fuckable in this movie

2 minutes nonsense training sequence

5 minutes awful exposition

more nonsense (derogatory)

wow rose absolutely is going in the polycule

wow these guys are not interesting fascists at all

man oscar isaac is so fuckable in this movie

racism!

normal conversation

more racism

poor carrie fisher has to do more stupid exposition

oh my god quicksand

EVIL MURDEROUS TUNNELS????

I know Star Wars is built upon stupid little plot devices but at some point. at some fucking point. you have to draw the line. and the randomly inscribed dagger is mine

BABY DROID!!!!! BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABBYYYYYYYY

man oscar isaac is so fuckable in this movie

wow the power ranger is absolutely going in the polycule

STOP TRYING TO MAKE HIM HAN SOLO

stupid lightsaber fight

literally why is hux

“why was the emperor trying to kill me as a child” because he likes eating babies what’s the question here

Rey is a palpatine. woohoo

hux is—sure. why not.

THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT

wow okay sure add the third of finn’s love interests in as many movies to the polycule. she’d be wonderful if it weren’t for the racism inherent in her existence as a character

poe and finn should have fucked raw on that hill

oh this scene fucks

oh this scene doesn’t fuck

he’s LITERALLY a wet cat you cannot make this shit UP

what.

what?????????

did leia just. die because he died

did—what?????????????

SHE JSUT DIED??????

this movie. is so fucking

I’m going to go get another drink

actually I take it back this works so well with the star wars theme of women dying for the stupidest fucking reasons imaginable

no.

how much money did they give harrison ford for this. was it a billion dollars? it better have been a billion dollars

this is so stupid

haven’t they had enough death stars yet

maybe this movie makes sense when you’re not drunk. maybe. please god let it make sense when you’re not drunk

god why. mark hamill i am so sorry

hate that these guys’ outfits are so red and shiny because it looks so much like a kink thing

I have no idea what’s going on anymore and I’m so glad

now for wrath ruin and a red fucking lightsaber I guess

Glados was so much sexier as an evil bitch on a stick than palpatine is

they did oscar isaac SO dirty in this movie. there are worse emotional arcs but by god there are very few

they did daisy ridley SO dirty in this movie. there are worse villains to bring back for her to fight but by god there are very few.

wow i totally forgot Kyle was still around

rose. you were done the most dirty of all

who are all these people in the arena. what is going on

if i cared about Kyle i would be so mad about how dirty they did him in this movie.

the concept of switching Rey and kylo’s positions from the beginning of the movie to the end… FASCINATING!!! GENIUS!!! the execution? utter bullshit

there is no amount of money I would not pay to see timothee chalamet as young palpatine

this is dumb as all fuck

billy dee williams i am so sorry

oh my god this is so stupid

liam neeson!

this is very silly

actually I think Ian McDiarmid’s accent is SO perfect because of the way it evokes a slightly older British accent in the rolled Rs. A+ work on one of the dumbest roles in this movie

i am not immune to silly little moments that fuck

i am not immune to silly little moments that fuck: part 2 the fuckening

man he is just a little freak. a weirdo. what the hell is he doing here. he doesn’t belong here. (I don’t care if it hurts I want to have control)

man i am such a sucker for when characters kiss and then smile like they’ve seen god and it was the person they loved

I hate this movie so fucking much

I hate this movie so fucking much x2

did they have to drag the good name of the ewoks into this

thanks you merry from lord of the the rings for your service

Poe wants to fuck that power ranger so bad

Poe and Finn are kissing. In my head. If not in my eyes

not to kin anakin skywalker but why the fuck are we on tatooine

man i am so fucking susceptible to a banger leitmotif and a callback

man i am so fucking susceptible to people loving their sisters beyond death

this movie is stupid as all hell

i am not immune the the twin suns

i hate everything

watching rise of skywalker for the first time. definitely not drunk enough for this (still pretty drunk). I’ll let you know how it goes

[kentkennyradcliffe]

Friendship Like A Fan

How dare me? How dare you for blaming me for our fall out. You said give you space, so I gave it full. I deleted you from Facebook. Wow I am so rude. Afterall social connection is stronger than real face to face interventions. Facebook means nothing to me, I only have one to keep in touch with friends and family that actually talk to me, and as far as I knew you weren’t willing to be my friend at that point in my life. I do not keep friends I do not talk to, talking is key to staying friends. Keeping in touch means a lot to me, plus I did not want you to have access to my profile. it is not like I was trying to teach you lesson or hurt your feelings, that is the dumbest thing I ever heard. When did Facebook become so important? Anyway, I knew the next month would be a rough one, you know how I am, or how I was. I was not feeling good for a while and you decided to stop listening because of your reasons. Well ok, maybe I was getting possessive, but you haven’t seen me in two months, you don’t know how much I’ve changed, the last impression of someone is when they last hear from them, and since you saw me in a negative way, you figured I was the same, well I’m not. but no matter how much I try to get back in touch with you, you will say it is not enough. How can it be that the one who I trusted so much becomes the one that I am afraid of? She says that I am immature, but she is the one who will not forgive, and forgiveness is a huge part of maturing. I guess I am the only one who sees this.

I am different now, I no longer need to break out in anger, I control myself way better then you could ever imagine. But you will not see me as grown up, and I am pleading for you to just listen. You think you have me all figured out now, but you do not. Since you no longer wanted to talk to me, said I should give you some space, I figured you meant take you out of my life, so I went to an extreme. You do not listen anyway, I tried to talk to you about other things, but the vibe I got from you made me want to back away. I took you out of the story of my life because you asked me to, and now you are mad because I’m trying to talk to you, saying how I deleted you, well I have my reasons, none of which you will understand because I keep all my explanations in my writing, I don’t expose anything that I feel to people anymore.

But with you, I felt so close and I unveiled everything. But with you, I felt like I had a new Emily, someone I could talk to about anything. So, I see why you would bring her up, you have earned all my sympathy, I did not see how much you cared for me. But that still doesn’t give you immunity, I know that I am brought up in conversation when you are with your other friends, but when I bring up one small thing, you say I am immature. I think you are a bit flawed yourself, that is what draws me to you in the first place, nobody is perfect, but now you seem to be sick of it. Well sorry girl, but you got yourself into it, you were the one who introduced me to Satan on that day in February when you said hey I want you to meet this boy who I think is good for you, you got me into it, you should be the one who hears everything, you designed it to happen, but you didn’t plan the ending, and when it didn’t go your way, you want to back out immediately, and now you say that I’m the one who took you out of my life, you say that I’m possessive?

I see. I can’t change your mind, no matter how much is mature and change and move on, I’ve been in such a great place in my life, and I wanted to share it with you, but you think I want to possess you? Then fuck it, I never wanted to own you, I just wanted to be near you, just like friends do. I will admit for a while there I was pretty obsessive with the whole clayton thing, oh shit I brought up his name, now you surly won’t read the rest of this, but if you go on then you will see some things that you weren’t meant to know, because he keeps you out of his inner most circle, I let you in, You see why I said she is the only person I can trust? Wait that is not what I said. I said she understands, do not fucking put words in my mouth, of course I trusted you. I let you read my journals, I opened up my world to you, but you chose to see me as a child, an immature child, and nothing that I say will ever be enough. I understand, you listen to others, you probably have some friends who agree with you, and feed on your view of me so I give up trying to explain myself, but I won’t give up on you and I. I see how much I have hurt you; you do not have to tell me that I

Oh, now you bring up Will again, and what I said to him last night, well he deserved it you know as well I do that he used me and backstabbed me, he knew the pain I felt when I was going through my tough times, then he gets with the very person that gave me those rough times. I had no problem with it at first, because I moved on, but after seeing him get all the sympathy from you, and you give him advice, it makes me question why you love him more than me? All the bad people in life get all the love, and I am always without love, the loveless get the bad rep, the loved get the attention. So, I am digging a hole and laying all my hate in it, I just might jump in. It’s the only way I know how to deal with pain, I have so much on my brain, I can’t sleep, I’m always praying for my soul to be saved from everything, but when god doesn’t listen, I feel like it’s impossible to erase all of my sins from my life.

Now let us get back to you, ok so I messed up, what more do you want me to say? I cannot always be sorry. and I do not want pity, that is the farthest thing I want, pity is bullshit. you are so fucking dumb, I do not say these things because I want someone to feel for me, I say them to get over what I have been through, I do it for myself. I get over my own shit, I have no need for other people now. it’s nice to know someone cares, but it’s not what I desire, I have grown up so much more then you know, all of the shit that I’ve been through has grown me up faster than most. something you won’t understand, because you don’t deal with shit, you just cover it up with alcohol and music, I did the same thing girl, I did the same thing boy, I had no control over my emotions before. but this year has been good for me, I have learned from my past. it’s over, you bitch, you think you know me and shit, you have no idea the dark side of me that, I’m a fake, I want to kill you so bad I want to take you apart and watch your blood run down your legs while I fuck you with the knife that you and William stabbed my back with, oh yeah I just went there, you see I’m not as nice as before, and if you think I won’t do it then show up at my house, I have the balls to do it, unlike William. I feel like using his name a lot right now, because it’s so funny to see you suffer like this and think I am crying when my tears spill for no one, I cry for the children who starve, not for the person I was, I cry for all of the gay kids that get picked on, I cry for the people who are alone and dying in retirement homes.