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dirtyvulture · 2 months ago

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The Maid

Socialite!Wanda Maximoff x Beefy!Rich!Reader*

Maid!Natasha Romanoff x Beefy!Rich!Reader*

18+ only, read at your own risk

Word count: 4663

Summary: You are married to a wealthy socialite, but your newly hired housemaid doesn’t approve of the marriage.

AN: I was reading a book series and got this idea. Enjoy!

*Reader has a penis, no pronouns used.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea,” you say, poking at the sad bowl of cereal before you.

“Why not?” Your wife frowns at you from across the kitchen.

“Because we’re doing fine! We don’t need any extra help,” you emphasize.

“You’re not the one stuck at home all day cleaning the house and cooking all the meals,” she snaps. Your eyes shift to the bowl of cereal you’d had to make yourself because she was too busy at her pilates class to cook you anything more substantial.

“This house is huge compared to our old one,” your wife continues. “And if you’re not going to help me around here, I’m going to hire someone who will.” Annoyance burns in your chest because you run your own company full-time, and your wife inherited all her wealth from her parents and hadn’t worked a real job in her entire life. “Besides, Steve’s the one who recommended her and he said she’s been really helpful to his family.”

“You seem to spend a lot of time talking to Steve,” you note, although you feel guilty for calling out your neighbor across the street. You’d spoken to him a few times and he seemed like a decent guy, but you weren’t stupid enough to not notice how often your wife would find her way over to his lawn multiple times a week.

“You’re at work all day and don’t answer your phone half the time,” she says. “You don’t expect me to stay in this gigantic house all by myself doing chores, do you? I’m not a house servant, Y/N.”

“No, of course you’re not,” you apologize. You glance at the Omega watch that had been an engagement gift from your wife. “Hey, I have to get going to work now.” Dutifully, you bring your bowl over to the sink and stop to kiss your wife on the way there. “I’ll see you later, honey.”

“Remember, the pool guy is coming at noon so you need to be back before then,” she says. “I don’t want to be left by myself with him.”

“Okay, I’ll try.” You’re not sure why she’s so nervous around the pool technician; he was about 30 years older than the both of you and had been very sweet and professional when he came to give you a quote for the maintenance.

“No, don’t try. Do it,” she insists.

You try to hold in your sigh. “Yes, dear.”

***********************************************************************

Natasha curses to herself as she drags her vacuum cleaner and basket of cleaning supplies up the sidewalk to your home. Your wife–Mrs. L/N, as she had asked Natasha to call her, while you had no problem being on a first name basis with her–had told Natasha she didn’t want her parking in front of your house, requiring her to park around the corner. Which wouldn’t have been a significant issue except it meant Natasha had to lug everything to your house every time she stopped by.

“Do you need any help, Nat?” Steve Rogers, the friendly neighbor whom she also worked for, waved at her from across the street.

“No, no, I’m fine!” she squeaks, not wanting to bother him. But Steve, ever the gentleman, runs over anyway and she has no choice but to turn over her supplies to him.

“You know, you can always just park in front of my house,” he offers, bundling the items in his muscular arms.

“That’s okay,” Natasha says. “Mrs. L/N made it very clear that as much as she needs my help, she doesn’t want people to know I’m here.”

Steve doesn’t argue with her and walks her to your front door. “Well, if you ever need anything–”

“Natasha! You’re late!” The front door swings open and Natasha finds herself face-to-face with your wife. “Oh, hello, Steven.” She flips her hair over her shoulder and bats her eyelashes at him. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I was just helping Natasha with her things,” Steve explains.

“Oh, don’t worry about her. She can handle herself. Right, Natasha?” She turns a judgmental eye on Natasha.

“I appreciate the help, Steve,” is all Natasha says.

“You’re welcome. See you both later!” He quickly jogs back to his home.

Mrs. L/N ushers Natasha into the house. “I left a grocery list on the kitchen counter for you. If you can’t find something, please call me before you pick any substitutions,” she instructs briskly. “I have to go out to the HOA meeting, but Y/N should be home by noon before the pool man comes. Do not let him into the yard if Y/N or me are not home yet, understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Natasha nods her head, fighting the urge not to roll her eyes at this lady.

“Good.” She leaves towards the garage and Natasha can hear the purr of her Mercedes starting up.

It was Natasha’s second week working for your family, and she hated nearly every second of it–mostly because of your spoiled, bratty wife. But the few times Natasha had met you, she thought you were as kind and charming as could be (and very nice to look at). She wondered how the two of you had gotten together in the first place and what you saw in your wife. She was one of the bossiest clients Natasha had ever had, and Natasha had seen her be not much nicer to you. Plus, she was definitely hitting on Steve, but Natasha knows he wouldn’t cheat on his wife with yours.

She dumps her supplies in the foyer, then goes into the kitchen to find the grocery list. It only takes a single glance to know that your wife is totally fucking with her–what the hell is a rambutan? Natasha sighs loudly, wishing there were someone around to hear her distress. As much as she wants to quit working for your family, she needs the money. And she was still so new to the business, she couldn’t afford to make any bad impressions.

With another sigh, she balls the grocery list into her fist and heads back out.

***********************************************************************

Natasha returns from her grocery trip just in time to see you pull into the garage in your bright green luxury sports car she doesn’t even recognize the manufacturer’s logo of. You get out and wave to her and she smiles back, almost forgetting the awful phone call she had to make to your wife when she searched the entire store and still couldn’t locate the rambutans (she ended up having to make a separate trip to Whole Foods for them).

“Hi, Natasha!” you say, running down the driveway to help her with the grocery bags.

“Oh, don’t worry about these,” Natasha says, trying to swat your hands away. “It’s my job to take them into the house–”

“No, let me help,” you insist, scooping up four bags in one hand in one go. “Oh! Rambutans. These are my favorite. Thank you for finding them.”

Instantly, Natasha wants to take back all the curses she had put on the spiky red fruit. “It was nothing,” she lies, making a mental note to buy out the store’s entire stock for you the next time she goes.

With your help, it takes half the amount of time to get all the groceries in the house. You also insist on helping her put everything away, showing her the proper drawers in the fridge for the fruit and vegetables versus the meat, and where the cereals went in the pantry. Natasha is beyond grateful for you; she knows your wife would have happily stood there and watched her struggle, then loudly criticized her for not knowing better.

“Thank you, Y/N,” she says, her hand inadvertently brushing yours when you pass her the last bag of apples. She withdraws from you almost too quickly, her skin hot where you touched her, but you don’t seem to notice, distracted by the ringing of the doorbell.

“That must be Stan.” You dash off to meet the pool man.

Natasha fills the dishwasher as much as she can and starts in, then goes to finish washing the oddly-shaped pots and pans that didn’t fit in the sink. The kitchen window looks out to your yard that is probably bigger than the footprint of her entire apartment complex. The pool has two different levels, but both are filled with a suspicious green water. You’re standing poolside talking to Stan, an older gentleman whom Natasha personally knew to be very kind from her few interactions with him when he conducted work on the neighborhood pool’s.

She’s so busy looking at you, fantasizing about a life where this big house could be hers, with a doting partner who would take care of her and raise a family with her, she doesn’t hear the front door opening until she hears the unholy screech from your wife.

“Natasha, what are you doing?” she yells, hurrying over and snatching the soapy sponge right out of Natasha’s gloved hand.

“Um–the dishes? They didn’t all fit in the dishwasher–”

“You turned on the dishwasher?” Her eyes grow wide and her mouth drops like Natasha’s just confessed to a murder. “Didn’t I tell you we don’t run the dishwasher before seven p.m.?” Natasha is certain she’s never heard this instruction before in her life and watches as she rushes over to turn off the dishwasher mid-cycle and throw it open. “Also, you didn’t pack this correctly, you definitely could’ve fit those pots in here.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll rearrange it now,” Natasha says, trying not to get flustered. Surely your wife wouldn’t fire her over such a minor transgression, would she?

“Is Stan here yet?” she asks, but before Natasha can answer, she is interrupted by a shout and a splash. Both of them crane their necks to look out the window, where they can see Stan floating facedown in the pool. You’re kicking your shoes off and throwing your phone onto the lawn before you run up to the pool’s edge and dive in with a form that would rival an Olympic swimmer’s. Your wife screams and darts towards the back door, Natasha following right behind her.

“Y/N! What are you doing?”

“He fell in!” you answer, coughing out water as you loop your arms under the elderly man and kick back towards the stairs. “He just zoned out when he was talking to me and suddenly tipped over into the pool. I think he’s having a seizure.”

“I’ll call 911!” Natasha offers, not wanting to be as useless as your wife. She struggles to get her phone out of her pocket and punches in the number with shaky fingers.

Your wife hovers by the pool stairs, making no move to assist you as you struggle to drag the old man out, clearly weighed down by the water drenching both of your clothes. Stan is holding himself in a position so stiff it reminds Natasha of a mannequin.

“Ugh, don’t get me wet, Y/N!” your wife complains as the brackish water sprays everywhere.

“I’m trying not to!” you snap, gently laying Stan on the grass.

“Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?” a dispatcher picks up.

“Hello? Yes, I’m at 2800 Sherwood Drive. There’s a man here who fell into the pool and we just got him out, but he’s having some kind of medical episode,” Natasha says, putting her phone on speaker. The dispatcher asks if he’s breathing and you confirm.

“Can roll him to his side and stabilize his head?”

Without hesitation, you peel off your shirt and roll it into a soggy ball, gently tucking it under the man’s head like a makeshift pillow. Natasha tries not to stare at your nicely sculpted torso, highlighted further by the water droplets on your skin, but her face burns in shame when she sees your wife glaring at her ogling.

“Okay, his head is stabilized!” you call out.

“Perfect, emergency services are two minutes away.”

“Thank you.”

It’s a big scene at the house by the time the ambulance pulls up. Your wife eventually covers you up with a towel, but you’re insistent on waiting outside for Stan to be carefully loaded into the ambulance before you finally allow your wife to usher you back into the house, still dripping water everywhere.

“Thank you for the help today, Natasha,” you say, reaching out to give her shoulder a gentle pat as you walk by her towards the house. Natasha doesn’t even know how to respond but nods furiously and mumbles that “she didn’t help much.”

“You can go now, Natasha,” your wife says curtly, and Natasha doesn’t question her and practically flees the premise.

***********************************************************************

It’s been a few weeks since the pool incident and Natasha is barely able to hold onto her sanity with the never-ending list of ridiculous tasks from your wife. When she holds a fundraiser meeting for a charity Natasha is sure she made up on her own, she calls on Natasha as her personal servant, forcing her to serve a collection of the snobbiest women in the neighborhood. Maybe I should take up meditation, Natasha thinks to herself as she prepares a third pitcher of iced tea because the first two “did not have the right balance of sugar to tea,” according to your wife, despite that Natasha had put in exactly one-third cup of sugar as requested.

Natasha doesn’t see you much around the house anymore, and she wonders if your wife purposely scheduled her around your work hours, or told you to stay away from her. She wants to ask you if there were any updates about Stan’s condition (there was no way she was going to get that information from your wife). She missed hearing your voice and seeing your smile…wait.

She shakes her head–she shouldn’t be thinking about you like that. You’re her employer and you’re married (to a bitch). It would be entirely inappropriate and dangerous to pursue you, so she would just have to make do with ogling you from afar. Besides, a lot of her clients did not show her respect, likely due to the nature of her job, so just because you were courteous and respectful towards her, didn’t mean you felt a specific way about her.

“You know, Y/N used to be fat.” Natasha startles when your wife walks up behind her. She almost drops the picture frame she’d been dusting of the two of you on a beach, holding hands as you walked towards the sunset in the background.

“Excuse me?” Natasha asks.

“Fat and poor,” Mrs. L/N adds, much to Natasha’s horror.

“That’s an awful thing to say about your partner,” Natasha says.

She shrugs. “I don’t want anything to be sugarcoated for you. All of this–” She gestures around to the grandiose-ness of the house, and points to a more recent photo of you, where you’re carrying your wife in your arms, the bulge of your biceps and wideness of your shoulders stretching out your shirt. “–was not a thing when we first started dating. I was there when Y/N had nothing and was no one.”

“Okay.” Natasha wonders why she’s acting like she did you a favor, when you are clearly the catch in the relationship. But then it suddenly dawns on her the reason she’s saying this is because she knows Natasha might have a small crush on you.

“Y/N would never leave me, because I was there from the beginning,” Mrs. L/N says loftily.

“Of course,” Natasha says, fearing she has made a terrible mistake. “Y/N must be very lucky to have you.”

“You have no idea,” your wife smirks. “So let me be a reminder to keep things professional in my house. I’d hate for you to lose your job here. As far as I know, this is the only neighborhood that employs you, and your reputation is everything, isn’t it? One bad review could spoil the whole bunch, and you’d be off having to peddle your services elsewhere.” Icy fear pits at the bottom of Natasha’s stomach. “That is, if the police don’t pick you up first.”

“What are you talking about?” Natasha whispers, even though she knows exactly what Mrs. L/N is talking about. She had been foolish to assume her past would never follow her, but how could your wife have found out? Clint had assured her that with a new name and a new location, she’d be untraceable.

“Because they’d have to arrest you from stealing Y/N away from me,” Mrs. L/N laughs shrilly. Natasha chuckles nervously, although she was certain adultery was not a punishable offense in the state. “But I’m just joking. That would never happen, right?”

“Never,” Natasha promises, hoping her cover will stay hidden for now.

“Good.”

***********************************************************************

“How was your day at work, honey?”

“Busy,” you grunt, moodily poking at the chicken pot pie Natasha had made before she went home. The food tastes good–it’s better than anything your wife has ever cooked, you think privately, but you don’t have much of an appetite. The end of the financial quarter was rapidly approaching and it had become extremely apparent to you that the profits of your company were not outweighing the expenses for the third quarter in a row. You were digging yourself a bigger and bigger grave, dipping into your personal investments to pay your way out of debt. It was the most stressful period of your life, with no relief in sight, and your wife wouldn’t understand the pressure.

“Sorry to hear that,” she says, although her words don’t come across as very genuine. “My day wasn’t so great either. I got into an argument earlier with Mrs. Harkness at the HOA meeting.” Your wife clicks her tongue. “Some of these women will go to war over their lawn decorations, I swear.”

A jab bubbles on the tip of your tongue; was she really trying to compare an HOA meeting to your very real, very stressful job running a business? But you stay quiet, shoveling another spoonful of pot pie into your mouth.

“Where’s Natasha?” you ask. Usually she stayed around for dinner (not that your wife would let her sit at the same table as you), but you hadn’t seen her in the house for a while.

“I ran out of time today, so I sent her out to grab some things for tomorrow,” she answers. When Natasha had first been hired, you had been under the impression that she was exclusively a housekeeper, helping with all the household chores your wife couldn’t complete. But you had heard about her running grocery trips and waiting on your wife and her friends during meetings, turning Natasha into more of a personal assistant than anything. You hoped she was okay with that; you knew how demanding your wife could be sometimes.

“Oh, okay.” You finish your helping of pot pie in silence, then go to place your plate in the dishwasher, before going into the bedroom to retire for the night. As you’re washing your face in the sink, you hear your wife pad up behind her.

“Sorry you’ve been really stressed lately,” she says, rubbing her hand up and down your arm.

“It’s not your fault,” you respond, drying your face on a towel, going back into the bedroom to find your pajamas so you can take a shower.

“Y/N.” Your wife stops you as you’re searching through the dresser for your pajamas. When you look at her, she’s eyeing you with her bottom lip between her teeth. She struts towards you, slowly sinking to her knees and looking up at you. “Maybe I can do something to make you feel better?”

With you being so busy with work and her busy with the new move, the two of you hardly had time for each other. Plus, your wife tended to be on the particular side and never seemed to be in the mood if you initiated. It was a little frustrating sometimes, but you found ways to cope and besides, it did make the times she was ready for you all the more enjoyable.

She pulls down your pants, palming at your boxers and causing you to groan. You unbutton your shirt as you feel your body start to heat up and let it slide off your shoulders.

“Fuck, don’t tease me,” you grunt when she leans forward and nibbles on the exposed flesh of your thigh.

“You need to savor the moment,” she says, although you can tell she’s just as impatient when she hooks her fingers into the waistband of your boxers and draws them down to the floor. Your heavy cock bobs out, slapping against your abs before your wife grabs onto it and brings it to her mouth.

“Fuck, baby,” you moan, tipping your head back when you feel her lips wrap around your cock. You wrap your hand in her hair, pumping your hips forward to sink your length into the heat of her throat. She grips onto your thighs to steady herself, the faintest of choking noise escaping her. You grunt in satisfaction, thrusting a little harder until the tip of your cock bumps the back of her throat. She whines louder, but doesn’t pull away, and your knees are practically shaking at the sight of her deepthroating all of you.

“You’re doing so well,” you praise and her cheeks flush red. “Are you gonna let me finish in your mouth?” you ask, and she nods in response, the movement causing a burst of pre-cum to leak out of your cock. You stroke a stray hair out of her face so you can look into her eyes when you finish. “That’s my good girl.”

***********************************************************************

Natasha lets herself into your home, juggling three heavy bags that she’s pretty sure are cutting off the circulation to her fingers. She passes by the kitchen, confused to see it empty; when she had left the two of you were just settling down to eat. She puts the bags by the foot of the table, recalling the time Mrs. L/N had screamed at her for putting “dirty outside bags” on the place where you ate. She wouldn’t make that same mistake again.

Checking her phone, Natasha sees that your wife had sent her a text less than five minutes ago.

Natasha sighs. It had already been a long day, but she wasn’t given an ounce of leeway. She knows better than to walk away from an unfinished task (especially around your wife), so she trudges up the stairs and turns into the guest room. Hopefully her presence can go unnoticed, and your wife will magically find the folded clothes long after Natasha is gone.

There are a total of three shirts and a pair of jeans left to fold. Natasha knows it would be too much to ask your wife to do on her own. She grits her teeth and folds the clothes, taking the better part of a minute, then looks around and realizes she doesn’t remember where she put the laundry basket.

Maybe she had already brought it to the master bedroom, but she knew she couldn’t just leave it on the guest bed, or your wife would probably fire her. Natasha gathers up the clothes and walks down the hall to the master bedroom, but freezes in her tracks when she hears noises coming out of the bedroom.

Moaning noises, specifically.

Natasha can’t stop herself as she moves closer to the door, positioning herself to peer through the crack in between the door and the wall. She sees your wife on her knees, her head bobbing against your waist as you stand there, half-naked, moaning and thrusting your hips forward.

Natasha feels like she can’t breathe, totally shocked and embarrassed to have caught the two of you in a moment. She has a strange sense that your wife had set her up like this on purpose, but the thought quickly dissipates as she finds herself moving closer to the door.

“That’s my good girl.”

Natasha’s stomach flips when she hears you say this, even though it isn’t directed to her. But maybe one day it could be.

She’s practically pressed up against the door, the fear of being caught burning away in her eagerness to keep watching you. The way the muscles in your stomach and thighs flex as your hips roll in a sinful rhythm. Natasha is almost ashamed at how fast she feels the arousal building in her own stomach.

You grunt louder and slow down as you seem to near release. Natasha can’t help but wonder what you must taste like and if she could even fit you down her throat. Your wife seems to be struggling with your size, but Natasha would do everything in her power to make you happy and not let any drop go to waste.

Without warning, your wife removes you from her mouth. Both you and Natasha gasp–you probably in frustration, and Natasha because she’s shocked at how big you are. Your cock is shiny with saliva and pre-cum and is so hard it looks like it’s about to burst.

“I didn’t finish,” you whine as your wife stands up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She puts her hand on your chest and pushes you back until you stumble onto the bed.

“I know. But I don’t want you to finish in my mouth, I want you to finish inside me.”

“Oh.” Your wife takes off her pants and climbs onto you.

Natasha knows how wrong it is for her to stand there and continue watching. She should’ve left a long time ago. But somehow, she knows your wife set her up to see this, and instead of running away in shame, Natasha is totally absorbed and her obsession with you only skyrockets.

The headboard creaks against the wall as your wife rides you, both of you moaning in unison. Natasha’s eyes are stuck on you, trying to memorize your body’s reactions and wondering if she’d ever be the cause of them one day. You tilt your head back into the pillows, your back arching off the mattress, your hands wrapped around your wife’s waist as you thrust up into her.

“I’m ready. I’m gonna cum,” you announce breathlessly.

Natasha hopes you’ll say those words to her one day. But she turns away as you finish, scolding herself for her unprofessional and frankly creepy behavior. She drops the folded clothes to the floor, knowing your wife will eventually find them and know of their origin. Maybe she’ll get fired for this; if anything, it’d be for the better. She doesn’t trust herself to be around you anymore–not that she’d ever be so bold as to make a move and disrespect your marriage, but she’d never be able to look at you the same way again.

She quickly pads down the stairs and leaves the house, the emptiness in her heart and core almost reaching a painful point.

***********************************************************************

You jerk your hips up a final time as you cum, dropping back onto the bed exhausted and spent.

“Hmm, that was fun,” your wife pants against your neck, and you wrap your arm around her tightly, pulling her closer to your body.

“We can shower together?” you suggest, digging your fingers teasingly into her naked hips.

“Sure. Give me a minute.” She lays her head on your chest.

Despite your differences, you were truly happy to have this woman by your side through it all. She had been your longest supporter and that had meant everything to you when no one else believed in you.

You kiss her forehead softly. “I love you, Wanda.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Actually screaming and crying. Nat please come save us 😭

Click here for Part 2!

@holiday-house-of-m I finally kept my promise to you after 84 years.

Please like, reblog, and comment! Follow for more content. 🥰

#natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff imagine #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff smut #natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader

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megxplryxb · 5 months ago

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For you, I would ruin myself

Pairings: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader, mentions of Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Allusions to cheating but not really, Mutual pining, Idiots in love, Love confessions, Angst, Heartbreak

Author's notes: Hi lovely people, I'm really sorry I haven't been around lately. Well, who am I kidding, I've been pretty MIA since March. The writers block was kicking my ass and the motivation just wasn't there but I've had so many ideas lately and this one was unfinished in my drafts for way too long so finally got around to completing it over the past few days. I'm not in love with the ending, but I do like that it's not the usual happy ending I always do. Please be kind, I'm a little rusty. x

Another Friday evening, another failed date, Steve thought to himself as he climbed into his BMW with a deflated sigh, leaning back against the headrest. He’d been on three dates in the past month and it was starting to feel a little mundane and pointless. Three different candidates, three different bouquets of flowers, three different venues but none of them had developed into anything further. He was completely used to the routine by now, picking them up from their house, paying for the meal or for the movie, making some awkward conversation before sharing a kiss that made him feel absolutely nothing inside. He’d tell the girl he was sorry, that he didn't see it going anywhere between them before offering her a ride home or pay for a cab and head back to his house alone.

It's not that the girls weren't pretty, or that their personalities were dull or that they’d done anything wrong necessarily. The issue was Steve and his lack of real interest in getting to know any of them romantically, 'cause there was someone else consuming his thoughts and he couldn't get her out of his fucking mind. He pressed his forehead to the steering wheel, cursing at himself for being so off of his game, for being so distracted by someone he knew he couldn't have. Steve used to be a pro at dating, he could get any girl he wanted, whenever he wanted just by clicking his damn fingers. But he wasn't that guy anymore and this time he couldn't get the girl either. The girl he really fucking wanted. Frustrated, he pulled out of the parking lot, turning up the radio before leaving Enzo's and another unsuccessful date in the rear view mirror.

He picked up a case of beer from the liquor store and contemplated going home to drown his sorrows alone. He thought about going to Robin's too but knew she'd chew him out for screwing up yet another date that she had to convince him to go on in the first place. He wasn't even sure his best friend would want to see him after their stupid argument in Family Video earlier, so he decided against the idea and kept on driving.

"Steve, you have to move on from this fixation you have with her. You and her are never gonna happen, it can't happen, you know that right?"

"Yeah I know Robin, alright? Jesus Christ, can you please stop talking about it?”

"Look, I'm sorry ok? I know I'm being a total pain in the ass but I'm just worried about you. I know how you get when you fall for someone and I don't want to see you get hurt or mess up a really good friendship because of–"

"I get it Robin, fuck, I'm trying to get over it, over her, I really am. I've distanced myself as much as I can without making it totally obvious that something’s up. What else do you want me to do, huh?"

"I don't know, Steve! I'm just trying to help. I'm trying to be your friend and make you see that this doesn't have a happy ending for you.”

“You don’t think I know how this ends for me? How it always ends? I’m well aware of how this goes Robin, so please just…don’t, ok?”

Steve felt horrible for fighting with Robin. He felt like shit for taking his frustrations out on her but she just wouldn't stop talking about the situation and the consequences he would face if he ever acted on his feelings. He already felt bad enough about it, he didn’t need her reminding him every five god damn minutes that he couldn’t have the thing he wanted the most. Of course, he'd apologise to her tomorrow with ice cream and chocolate along with the promise of being her personal chauffeur for the next month straight because deep down he knew she was right.

After a while of driving around, Steve found himself at the entrance of Forrest Hills trailer park. His fingers dancing on the steering wheel as he bit his lip, thinking about whether or not he should just keep going. Eddie had been on his ass lately about never seeing him, wondering if he'd done or said something to piss Steve off, trying to arrange a boys night so they could catch up but Steve kept putting him off until the metal head eventually quit asking. Christ, Munson wouldn’t want to hang out with him ever again if he knew the reason why Steve was avoiding him in the first place. But Robin was right, he had to get over it and cutting himself off from everyone wasn’t going to help anything.

"Fuck it." Steve muttered, as he drove through the gates and made his way into the trailer park, hoping he wouldn’t regret his decision later on, praying it wasn’t a total mistake coming here.

The gravel crunched under his tyres as the car came to a halt outside of Eddie's trailer just as the sun had finally set on the little town of Hawkins, Indiana. Switching off his ignition, he grabbed the case of beer before stepping out of the car, walking around to the back of the trailer but quickly noticing that neither Waynes car or Eddie’s van were anywhere to be found. He could however, see a flicker of light escaping through the curtains and hear the chorus of Shout by Tears for Fears coming from inside, causing his heart to beat a little faster, skin feeling a little hotter, cause he knew who was inside and he needed to get out of there immediately.

"Shit." Steve whispered, hurrying back to his car, placing the box of beer onto the passenger seat hoping his presence hadn't been noticed by the one person he had been trying so desperately hard to stay away from all this time. But the creak of the trailer door opening behind him told him he was already too late as he turned around to see you standing there, arms folded, head tilted, smiling at him.

"Hey stranger, long time no see."

Steve swallowed hard, instantly feeling more butterflies in his stomach just from seeing you for the first time in weeks than he had from any of his dates in the past month. He didn’t know how it was possible but he was certain you’d gotten even prettier in his absence. Your usual flowy hair clipped back into a messy bun, sun kissed legs on show in your tiny denim shorts, finished off by an oversized Metallica T-shirt that most definitely belonged to your boyfriend...To Eddie, one of Steve's best friend’s. The one and only reason he could never tell you how he really felt.

“Yeah, I guess it’s been a while, huh?” He chuckled nervously as you made your way down the steps, towards his car.

“A while? It’s been forever. I think I was even starting to miss you.” You tease, wrapping your arms around him, pulling him into the warmest of hugs. His whole body tenses with the feeling of you so close to him and he swore his heart stopped for a moment as he took in your scent. You were ice cream on hot summer days, cocoa on cold winter nights and everything he knew he could ever want or need.

It wasn’t unlike you to hug him, you’d always been affectionate and touchy but it felt different this time, like you needed it as much as he did. So he finally relaxed his body, allowing his arms to find their way around your waist, chin resting on your head, keeping you close for what felt like several minutes.

“Yeah, I missed you too.” So much, he thinks to himself as you eventually break apart.

“So, beer huh? I take it you were looking for Eddie?” You ask, noticing the box in Steve’s BMW.

“Uh, yeah…he’s been asking me to come hang out for a couple of weeks but I’ve just been super busy with work and stuff. Finally had some free time, so I thought I’d take him up on the offer before he completely disowned me.” Steve jokes as you let out a small laugh.

“Poor guys been like a lost puppy without you. Honestly, its getting embarrassing. I’m clearly not enough for him.” You sigh sarcastically as Steve shakes his head.

“I highly doubt that honey.” He replies truthfully, voice in the back of his mind screaming that you’d be enough for him. That you’ve always been enough for him.

You look away from him, placing a loose strand of hair behind your ear, hoping he hasn't caught the slight tint of pink creeping onto your cheeks with his tiny compliment.

“Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you but he’s playing with the band at the Hideout tonight.” You shrug, tugging on your bottom lip.

“That’s cool, I totally should have checked first anyway. I’ll catch him another time.” Steve replies, playing with his car keys.

“Y’know, Eddie’s not the only one who likes beer or do you just not want to hang out with me?” You smile, raising a brow and god he knows he’s in trouble. He knows he should shake his head, make up some excuse and run for the hills but he can’t. Not when you’re looking at him like that, like you want him to stay and fuck he really wants to.

“Of course I want to hang out with you, I just don’t want to be imposing.” He explains as you scoff.

“Imposing? Please, I could really do with a break, I’ve been cleaning this place all day for Wayne before he gets back into town tomorrow. Eddie’s a total pig, I swear he’s lucky he’s cute.” You laugh but Steve doesn’t really laugh with you. He hates that you think Eddie is cute, hates the way you say his name. Hates that he has no right to feel so jealous but he can’t help it. Because it was Steve’s own fucking fault for not telling you how he felt months ago, when he had a real chance to make you his before Eddie went and beat him to it.

“So, are you coming in or?” You ask, eyes wide as you start walking back towards the trailer.

This was Steve’s chance to run, to get into his car and go home like he’d originally planned to do. Why hadn’t he just done that in the first place? Why did he think coming to Eddie’s was such a good idea and how the fuck had he ended up alone with you? Robin would fucking kill him if she could see him now. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to be here. You should have been working in the Hideout like you did every Friday night since you left Family Video and him behind all those months ago.

“Steve?” You call again when you don’t hear his footsteps following you.

“Huh? Oh, yeah sorry, I’ll just grab the beers.” He finally answers, smiling at you as you nod happily, heading back inside.

Steve curses at himself, knowing he couldn’t leave now, it’d be too obvious. You were his friend just as much as Eddie, the only problem was, he didn’t want Eddie like he wanted you.

When he finally joined you inside, you were rummaging through a drawer to find a bottle opener that Wayne kept in there for safe keeping. Steve tries to look anywhere but at you as his body stood stiff in the doorway while you made your way towards the couch, plonking your tired body down. He could tell you’d been cleaning all day, the trailer unrecognisable from the usual mess Eddie had it in. Fresh hoover lines apparent on the spotless carpet, laundry washed and folded, pillows puffed, trash emptied and the countertops cleared and wiped down. There was even a scent of lavender in the air, compared to the usual smell of motor oil and cigarettes.

“You can sit down you know?” You smirk as Steve smiles, shaking his head.

"Sorry, I was just momentarily distracted by the fact that I could actually see the floor in here for once.” He jokes, placing the alcohol on the side table as you giggle, feeling him slump down beside you, letting out a heavy breath.

“Hi.” Steve smiles, turning his head towards you, resting his eyes on your porcelain face. It’s unfair how good you look right now, so effortlessly beautiful with your hair up and no make up on. Christ, you could be on the cover of any magazine, he thinks to himself.

“Hi.” You smile back, nudging your knee with his playfully and Steve’s thankful you can’t hear how fast his heart is beating just from the slightest bit of contact.

“Beer?” He offers, ripping open the box to grab two bottles.

“Thought you’d never ask, Harrington.” You tease, taking one from his hand, passing him the bottle opener.

“Cheers.” He grins nervously, clinking his drink with yours before he takes a large swig.

Forty minutes pass and you're both already on your second drink, catching up and talking as if no time at all had gone by. It had always been that way between you both, effortless and easy and Steve knew it was dangerous territory. He so quickly forgot all of the reasons why he shouldn't be here with you right now when your leg was brushing against his own, your head thrown back in a fit of laughter as he recalled an embarrassing story about Keith from the previous week and Christ, he had missed your infectious laugh.

He had missed everything about you.

He couldn't remember the last time you two had been alone together, it had to have been a couple of months at least and it felt nice that he had you all to himself for a little while without any distractions. Some of his favourite times had been your shifts together at Family Video, making each other laugh non stop, discussing the latest gossip of the town while stacking the shelves, taste testing the new candy when Keith left early like he always did and making up little games to play on nights where the hours just seemed to drag. You brightened up the store every time you walked in, made work fun and bearable and he looked forward to any shift that he got to spend with you.

That was until you went and left of course.

Steve had been utterly devastated the day Robin told him you'd given your two weeks to Keith, confused as to why you hadn't told him yourself and a little hurt that he was the last to know. He remembers Eddie coming to pick you up on your last day, a shit eating grin on his face now that you were going to work at the Hideout, meaning he'd get to see his new girlfriend way more while Steve got to see you much less. He had to clench his fists as he watched you walk out the door with Eddie, forcing a smile as you looked over your shoulder, giving him one last look before waving goodbye with tears in your eyes. He wanted so badly for you to change your mind, wanted to beg you to reconsider but Robin reminded him that it was for the best, hoping it would give Steve the time he needed to get over you.

“Y’know I was really starting to worry about you, was even thinking about setting up a search party.” You giggle, taking Steve away from him thoughts as he rolls his eyes playfully.

“I’m flattered you were so concerned about me.”

“I’m serious! I kept asking Dustin about you but he said he hadn’t seen you much either.”

“Well if you hadn’t left Family Video to go work with your boyfriend, you’d still see me everyday.” Steve responds in a tone that’s half teasing/half bitter and he winces seeing how taken aback you are by his comment

“Eddie’s not the reason I left, Steve.” You reply, pressing the bottle to your lips. If only he knew the real reason.

“Oh come on, why else would you leave? I can’t imagine it was for the scenic views or massive wage increase.” He scoffs sarcastically as you avoid his gaze.

“It was just time for me to move on.” You shrug, tugging on your bottom lip, wishing he would drop this topic.

“What do you mean? I thought you liked working at the Video store?” He quizzes, confused by your answer.

“I did, I loved it there but I just needed a change.”

“But that doesn’t make any—”

“Steve, can we please drop it?” You beg, your lips turning downward in a frown as you fidget with the hem of your boyfriends t-shirt.

“Yeah—yeah sure, sorry. I didn’t mean to be an asshole about it, it’s just that…I miss you. I mean, we miss you, Robin and I.” He swallows hard as you smile at him, your cheeks turning hot at his words.

“I miss you too, Steve. Both of you.” You reveal before a silence falls over the room for a moment.

"Are you hungry? You wanna order a pizza or I’m pretty sure there’s potato chips in the cupboard if you want some? You ask, finally easing the tension between you.

"I'm good. I had dinner in Enzo's a while ago.” Steve mumbles.

"Ah, I thought you were a little too dressed up just to come here and get drunk with Eddie. Were you on a date or something?" You question, raising your brows suspiciously at him, trying to ignore the knot forming in your stomach.

"Third one this month." He sighs, taking another sip of beer, completely missing the subtle hint of jealousy that flashes across your face momentarily.

"Wow, three dates huh? You must really like her." You force a smile, taking a drink from your own bottle as he huffs and shakes his head.

"Oh, it wasn't with the same girl. I meant three different dates, all equally terrible though." Steve confesses, a heavy sigh escaping his lips and you hate the relief you feel when you hear him say it.

"You really have been busy, no wonder we haven’t seen you lately." You say sarcastically as Steve remains silent, trying to hold himself back from saying everything he wanted to. He wants to tell you the reason you haven’t seen him is because he’s terrified of his feelings for you. That the reason he's going on so many dates is so he can try and move on from you. He wants to tell you that he’s terrified of ruining his friendships because he can’t stop thinking about you, that he can't stand seeing you with Eddie, because every time he sees his friend kiss you, he wants to punch his lights out, ‘cause you're supposed to be his girl. But he's too fucking late. He missed his chance with you and it's something he's going to have to live with for the rest of his life.

“So, what was so terrible about them?" You ask, turning to face him as he sits back trying to think of how best to answer that question. The only real answer he has to give is that they weren't you and nothing after that really mattered. He plays with the paper wrapped around his bottle, tearing it off bit by bit as you burn a hole through his head, waiting for a response. He's too afraid to look at you, terrified that if he does, it'll give him away and you'll figure it out for yourself, that he's completely and utterly head over heels in love with you.

"I uh, I guess none of them were really for me." He shrugs, keeping his eyes on the carpet below as you gaze at your friend sympathetically, knowing that feeling all too well.

"I'm sure you'll know the one when she comes along, Steve." You reassure, placing your hand on his knee as he lets out a dry laugh.

"I did." He mutters, taking the last sip from the bottle as you stare at him.

"What do you mean you did?" You question, tilting your head as his eyes widen in panic. Shit. He didn't mean for you to hear that, didn't mean to say it out loud. Had the two beers already gone to his fucking head?

"I– I just meant..." He pauses for a moment to look at you, really look at you as he thinks about what to say next. How does he get himself out of this? Should he just tell you the truth? Was now the right time to say it? Was being here alone with you a sign that he should just come out and tell you how he feels? Was it worth taking that risk?

"You're talking about Nancy, right?" You frown, releasing a heavy sigh as he contemplates how to respond. His stomach is sick that you think he still cares for Nancy in that way, he hasn't given her a second thought since you came along and took his breath away but maybe it was better for you to think that instead of him ruining his friendship with you, instead of ruining his friendship with Eddie. Because after all, he'd rather have you in his life as a friend than not have you in it at all. That would truly kill him.

"Yeah, I...I'm talking about Nancy." He lies and your heart sinks all over again.

Of course he's talking about Nancy. Robin had told you all about the girl Steve had been in love with for years during your first shift alone with her at Family Video. How she was the only girl he'd ever loved, how he'd changed his ways for her in High School and how he still wanted a whole brood of mini Harrington's with her even though she’d broken his heart. When you eventually did meet Nancy though, you fully understood what he saw in her. She was beautiful, smart and perfect, everything a guy like Steve Harrington could ever want.

Everything you felt you weren’t.

“Steve, if it’s Nancy you really want, maybe it’s time to just be honest with her?” You suggest, trying to stop yourself from falling to pieces in front of him.

Steve finally lifts his head to lock eyes with yours, your words starting to replay in his mind “maybe it’s time to just be honest with her.”

“How can I tell her how I feel when she’s with somebody else?” He asks, his stomach in knots, his insides twisting as he watches you chew on your bottom lip.

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel the same way about you, maybe she’s just really good at hiding it.” You shrug defeated, as he tries to read your face for an answer to a question that’s kept him up late at night. Could it be possible that you have feelings for him too? That you’ve been just as good at hiding them as he has? Maybe even better?

“You…you think she could feel the same way about me?” He asks, finally sitting up, turning towards you fully.

“I guess there’s really only one way to find out.” You reply, forcing a smile, hoping you don’t look too devastated as you stand up to collect the empty bottles from the coffee table. Needing to remove yourself from this conversation fast.

Just as you reach out to grab the first one, you feel Steve’s warm hand softly wrap around yours, holding you in place as he stares at you petrified.

“Steve, what��”

“It’s not Nancy.” He interrupts, a total look of despair on his face as he takes a deep breath. You’re eyeing him in utter confusion as you take a seat beside him again.

“What do you mean it’s not Nancy? I don’t under—”

“I’m in love with you.” He finally confesses, the words falling from his mouth too fast for him to catch, to hold back and bury deep beneath the surface again and for the first time in months he feels like he can finally breathe again. Unfortunately for Steve, the relief only lasts a couple of seconds as panic sets in and he realises that he's just confessed to loving his best friend's girlfriend.

He’s too afraid to look at your face, terrified of what your reaction will be, so instead, he keeps his eyes glued to the floor, ashamed of himself for putting you in this predicament. He's completely fucked everything up.

“I'm sorry, please don't hate me. The last thing I intended to do tonight was tell you that I love you. Fuck, I didn't even think you'd be here, you weren't supposed to be here! I've just been trying to stay away from you hoping that these stupid feelings would just go away you know? But it's been so hard and I missed you and then I show up here looking for Eddie but then I see you after so long and I just couldn't keep it in any longer, it's been killing me for months." Steve rambles, placing his hands over his face as you sit frozen in silence.

"I think it's probably for the best if I go." He says, standing up to leave you alone, grabbing his keys from the countertop.

"So you just drop a bomb on me like that and think you just get to walk away?" You say, finally finding your voice, rising to your feet.

"I just thought maybe you'd want some space or maybe you'd never want to see me again." Steve shrugs. noticing the utter shock on your face.

"We live in Hawkins Steve, we have the same friends. I don't think never seeing each other again is a realistic option." You state, trying to take everything in. Steve lets out a sigh of relief, happy you haven't immediately jumped to cutting him out of your life yet.

"You said it's been killing you for months, how long is that exactly?" You question, suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. It's an easy answer for Steve as he knows the very moment he fell in love with you.

“Do you remember the day that really nice old man came into the store looking for a copy of Casablanca?" He asks as you nod your head, recalling it instantly. It's something you'd never forget.

The man had come in on an unusually rainy day in the hopes of renting the movie he and his wife had watched together every year on the day of their wedding anniversary. He told you both of his wife's recent passing after a lengthy battle with an illness and how he had decided to bury their copy of the movie with her, so she could still watch it with him wherever she was.

"You took him for coffee on your lunch break that day knowing he was all alone while I looked for the movie in the back. You let him cry and talk about his wife even though you didn't know her. You gave him the time of day that no one else would have and when I found the movie, you told him to keep it and you took a twenty from your own purse to cover the cost. You told him you hoped one day you'd know a love like theirs and I remember thinking... fuck I'm so in love with that girl." Steve smiles, eyes glassy as you too have to wipe away the tears that had fallen down your cheeks.

"He still comes in you know? Asks about you all the time, wonders if I ever made a move. Called me a dumbass when I told him I missed my chance." He jokes, trying to make you smile but somehow the whole thing makes you angry.

"If you felt that way about me then, why didn't you tell me? That was months before I was even with Eddie, Steve!" You challenge, folding your arms as Steve runs a hand through his hair.

"I don't know, the timing just never seemed to be right."

"Oh please, we only worked together almost every day for over a year, we hung out almost every single night." You scoffed, rolling your eyes.

"Well yeah but we were never really alone together. There was always someone else around, Keith, Robin, the kids, Eddie..."

"Come on Steve, those are bullshit excuses and you know it!" You argue as he shakes his head.

"It's not like it matters anyway, I mean, it's not like you felt the same way or anything!" He fights back as you stand silent, hand over your mouth, eyes on the floor.

That's when the penny finally drops for Steve.

"Shit, you did feel the same didn't you? You had feelings for me?" He questions softly as you wrap your arms around yourself, nodding a yes. He's been so blind, so stupid. How didn't he see this? How did you hide it so well?

"It's hardly that shocking, is it? I mean you're Steve Harrington, girls have been falling in love with you your whole life." You joke as Steve remains silent. "I didn't want to like you. Christ, when I started working at Family Video I expected to hate you but you weren't what I thought you'd be. You were funny and kind and caring and god, I saw how those kids worshipped you. It was only a matter of time really." You admitted. " There were times that I thought, 'maybe he likes me too' you know? But then Robin told me all about Nancy, how much you loved her, how you'd changed for her and I thought it was game over for me. She was just so perfect, I mean, how could I ever compete with someone like her?"

"There would never have been a contest, it would have been you every single time." Steve whispers, wanting to reach out for you.

"That's why you left Family Video isn't it? Cause you thought I still loved Nancy?" He asks as you nod again.

"I had to try to get over you."

"Did it work?"

"It doesn't matter Steve." You brush off the question, trying to walk away but he catches your hand gently.

"It matters to me."

"I'm with Eddie now. How I feel about you isn't going to change that." You state as Steve heavily accepts your words, however crushing they might be. He would always respect your decision, caring too much about you and Eddie to deliberately ruin your relationship.

"But if you weren't, and I had asked you out back then, would we be together now?" He asks, wiping the tears from your face. You already know the answer in your heart and you know Steve does too.

"Yeah, I think we would be. I know we would be." You assert as a single tear falls down his cheek. "But I can't do that to Eddie, I can't leave him."

"And I would never ask you to, honey. Fuck, I really messed this up." He sniffs as you shake your head. "We both did, Steve." You cry as he holds you close for several minutes.

"I better get going, I'm sure Munson will be home soon." He sighs, reluctantly letting you go, wishing he could keep you in his arms forever. He once again grabs his keys and heads for the front door as you follow close behind.

"Steve?"

"Hmm?"

"I do by the way, I do still love–" He cuts you off, pressing his lips lightly to yours for a brief moment before pulling away when he feels you kiss back, knowing if he'd waited a second longer, Eddie would arrive home to his best friend making love to his girlfriend.

"Please don't say it." Steve begs closing his eyes. "I'm trying to do the right thing here and walk away, if I hear you say that, I don't think I'll be able to leave without you." He whispers as you cup his face.

"Then you better go now because if you kiss me again, I don't think i'll have the strength to stop myself from going with you." You cry as he nods, exiting the trailer, walking back to his car, giving you one last look as he opens the BMW door. He smiles at you through glassy eyes, both of your hearts breaking as you wonder what could have been. Where does your friendship go from here? How are you supposed to forget about this night? How do you pretend that you aren't utterly and completely in love with each other?

"Goodnight honey."

"Goodnight Steve."

#steve harrington #steve stranger things #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #king steve #steve the hair harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington smut #stranger things #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fluff #steve x reader #steve harrington stranger things #joe keery

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snowysosturn · 6 months ago

Text

Speeding Car -Matt Sturniolo Part 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, swearing, unhappy relationship, disappointment, angst

Returning to the apartment, I noticed a Dior purse left on the coffee table in the living room.

“Shit, Emily must have left it behind..” I think to myself. I reach for my phone to throw her a quick text to see if they wanted to turn around and come get it. I put in my passcode but my phone lags, powering off completely. I take it for what it is, maybe it’s just a situation I need to leave alone. Alex can get it back to her somehow.

I got myself a glass of water and took myself to bed. I slipped in beside Alex and gave him a kiss on the forehead, every memory of when things were good flashed through my brain. How can I get it to be like that again? I turned on my side and went to sleep.

My alarm went off at the crack of dawn, and I rolled out of bed, careful not to wake Alex. He had a long day ahead and I knew he needed his rest for training. I threw on my Target uniform, grabbed a quick breakfast, and left a note for Alex on the fridge: "Have a great day! See you tonight. xx."

Work was the usual grind, but having Jess on shift with me made it that much easier. During our break, we sat in the staffroom, sipping lukewarm coffee.

"God, I am so bored with my life right now." Jess said, sighing dramatically. "Same old routine, day in and day out."

I nodded in agreement. "Tell me about it. I feel like I’m constantly stuck in a rut."

Jess perked up, a mischievous look in her eye. "Why don’t you come out with me tonight? There's this new nightclub in Downtown LA. It’ll be fun! Something spontaneous to break the monotony."

I hesitated. "It’s a Tuesday, Jess. I need to have dinner ready for Alex when he gets home from training. Maybe another time?"

She rolled her eyes playfully. "You’re such a good girlfriend. But seriously, you deserve a break too. You’re 23 not 73, live a little!"

I shrugged, trying to push away the feeling that I was missing out. "Maybe you’re right. But tonight, I think I’m going to try and do something special with Alex. They don’t have games coming up straight away, so training shouldn’t be too intense."

Jess gave me an encouraging smile. "That sounds nice, offer still stands even if you change your mind!”

As the hours of my shift passed, I decided to take the initiative. After all, seeing Matt so happy with Emily had reminded me of what I wanted, what I needed, with Alex. I went into the staff bathrooms and shot Alex a quick message: "Hey, how about we go bowling tonight? I thought it’d be fun to do something together."

Surprisingly, he replied almost immediately. "Sure, sounds fun! Let’s do it."

I felt a small spark of hope. Maybe this was a sign to focus on our relationship, to reignite the flame that had been fading. Determined to make the evening special, I planned to cook Alex’s favorite meal and set the table nicely. I wanted everything to be perfect.

After my shift, I rushed home, picking up everything I needed. Once in the kitchen, I meticulously prepared the meal, arranging the table with candles and our best silverware. By the time everything was ready, I felt a sense of accomplishment. Tonight would be great, I was sure of it.

Just as I finished setting the last plate, my phone buzzed. I glanced at the screen, expecting a message from Alex letting me know he was on his way. Instead, my heart sank as I read his text.

"Hey, got some news! I got promoted to captain of the football team! Going to celebrate with the boys tonight. I’ll make it up to you, I promise."

The excitement and anticipation I had felt all day drained away in an instant, replaced by a heavy weight in my chest. I stared at the beautifully set table, the meal I had prepared with such care, and felt a lump form in my throat. This was supposed to be our night.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "Congratulations Al!" I typed back. "That’s amazing news. Enjoy your celebration. I love you!”

I didn't feel as enthusiastic as the words portrayed. I knew Alex meant well, and his promotion was a big deal, but it still hurt. Tonight was supposed to be about us, and now I was left alone again.

I blew out the candles and put away the silverware, wrapping up the meal to save for another night. As I cleaned up, I couldn’t help but think about Matt and Emily again. Seeing them together had made me want to work harder on my relationship with Alex, but now I wondered if it was even worth it. Did he still care as much as I did? Or was I just fooling myself?

I sat down on the couch, the apartment eerily quiet. Maybe Jess was right, I did deserve a break. But for tonight, I’d settle for a glass of wine and a good cry.

Matt’s POV

I was in the kitchen, opening the fridge to get a rootbeer when Emily’s phone buzzed with a message. She picked it up, her eyes lighting up as she read it.

“What’s up?” I asked, leaning against the counter.

“It’s Alex” she said, a smile spreading across her face. “He just got promoted to captain of the football team and a few people from our class are going out to celebrate tonight.”

I nodded, feeling a mix of emotions. “That’s great news. You should go and celebrate with them. I can give you a ride downtown.”

Emily’s fingers flew over her phone, sending a quick message. “I just text Y/n to see if she’s going too and what she’s wearing” she said, glancing up at me.

I wondered if she’d be going out tonight, too. Emily tried calling her, but there was no answer. She frowned, looking slightly irritated.

“She’s not picking up. I need my Dior purse for tonight. I left it at her place yesterday.”

“I can go get it for you while you're getting ready, if you want?” I offered, hoping to make things easier.

Emily smiled, leaning in to kiss my cheek. “You’re the best. Thanks, babe.”

I grabbed my keys and headed out. The drive to her apartment was quick, but my mind was racing with thoughts about Emily and our relationship. I loved her, but lately, things had been rough. Her behavior at the party had been a clear reminder of the cracks in our foundation. And the remains of our fallout of the party were just swept into the cracks. Nothing was cemented again.

When I arrived at the apartment, I hesitated for a moment before knocking. The door opened, and there she was. Immediately, I could see she had been crying. Her eyes were red, and she looked surprised to see me.

“Hey” I said softly, my concern genuine. “Emily sent me over to get her Dior purse. Are you okay?”

She forced a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a rough day.”

I nodded, not wanting to push her. “Do you need to talk about it?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I’ll get the purse. Hold on.”

She disappeared inside, and I stood there, feeling an overwhelming urge to comfort her. When she returned, she handed me the purse, her hands trembling slightly.

“Thanks” I said, taking it from her. “If you need anything, you know you can call me, right?”

She nodded, her eyes meeting mine briefly before looking away. “Yeah, thanks, Matt.”

I hesitated, not wanting to leave her like this. “You sure you’re okay?”

She sighed, standing in the doorframe. “I’m sure, thank you Matt”

I gave her a reassuring smile. She nodded, and I turned to leave, feeling a heavy weight in my chest. I couldn’t understand why she was so upset when her boyfriend was out celebrating. It made me question why she wasn’t out too. I couldn’t stop thinking of her tear streaked face. It wasn’t right that she was feeling this way, and I wasn’t okay with the fact I was aware of it.

When I got back home, Emily was still getting ready, her excitement through the roof. She turned to me, holding up a dress. “How do I look?”

“Beautiful” I said, though my thoughts were still with the girl I had just left behind. “Are you sure Y/n’s not coming? She didn’t say much when I was there.”

Emily checked her phone. “No response yet. I hope she does, though. It’d be fun to have her there.”

I nodded, seeing at the corner of my eye that Emily never even message Y/n. I tried to push my concerns aside. Tonight was supposed to be a celebration, but all I could think about was the girl who was left behind.

After dropping Emily off in Downtown LA, I watched her hurry off to meet Alex and their classmates. But as I drove away, the knot in my stomach tightened. I couldn't stop thinking about the tears in Y/n’s eyes earlier, the sadness in her voice trying to convince me everything was okay. It didn’t sit right with me, leaving her like that. I sighed, making a U turn and heading back to her apartment. Something was wrong, and I wasn’t going to let her spend the night alone, wallowing in whatever had upset her..

a/n: things are starting to happeeeeen…i have started on part 7 last night, still on holiday and heading to LA tomorrow for a few days so i’ll try my best to update asap

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @immattsslut @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69

#snowy speaks #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #the sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo x reader

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llamagoddessofficial · 8 months ago

Note

📚 pretty please?

I shan't give too many details about this one, because I am pretty dedicated to writing it at this point - but Farmtale Sans is on the cards. Here's a teeny extract from the first chapter I've written out.

---

You sat down at the kitchen table. The chairs smelt of wood varnish. You had no idea what you were going to do for food, the last store you recalled passing on the way here felt like hours ago. You had no heating, no lights. No gas. Almost definitely no hot water.

You felt like just laying down on the floor and crying forever.

A knock on the front door.

You jumped out of your fucking skin. Someone was at the door? Suddenly, a bunch of horrible thoughts started racing through your head. Did you get the wrong house? Was the will wrong? Did the key just happen to fit? Is this someone’s home, and you just came in, kicked their carpet and sat at their table? You scrabbled over to the door, rattling the handle and eventually shoving it open.

... A massive, lanky skeleton monster stood before you.

“HELLO THERE!” He spoke extremely cheerfully, but in a volume that made you startle. He was wearing dark blue overalls, heavy black rubber boots, and an orange gingham-patterned top. “WHY, IT’S LOVELY TO FINALLY MEET YOU! I’M PAPYRUS, YOUR NEW NEIGHBOUR!”

He stuck out a huge hand, covered by a garden glove.

You stood there for a moment, dumbfounded, blinking up at the skeleton. He was... how did he get here so fast? Eventually you snapped yourself out of your rude gawking and took his hand, shaking cautiously.

“... Neighbour?” you managed to say. But there weren’t any houses around for what felt like miles...?

He nodded enthusiastically. “MY BROTHER AND I OWN THE FARM JUST OUTSIDE OF THE TOWN. WE’RE A HALF HOUR DRIVE AWAY.”

You paused. “You came out all that way, just to greet me?”

He seemed confused, for a moment, but quickly smiled again, even breaking into chuckles. “OH! YOU MUST BE FROM THE CITY, RIGHT? NYEHEHEH, YOU MUST THINK HALF AN HOUR IS A LONG DRIVE! NYEHEHEHE!”

... What a strange feeling. You’d never before met someone who could laugh right at you, yet not feel malicious at all. He still made you feel like he was laughing with you. Papyrus’ smile reached his eyes (eyesockets?) so much that he had smile lines in the bone.

You smiled yourself, a little. “Y-yeah, I guess I do think that’s a long way. I’m (y/n). How did you know I’d arrived?”

“TORIEL HAS BEEN LOOKING AFTER THIS HOUSE FOR A FEW YEARS. WHEN I HEARD IT WAS FINALLY GOING TO BE PUT TO USE, I STARTED DRIVING PAST EVERY DAY, TO BE CERTAIN THAT AS SOON AS OUR NEW NEIGHBOUR MOVED IN I’D BE ABLE TO GREET THEM LIKE A PROPER NEIGHBOUR SHOULD.” He spoke so fast, but so confidently. “I’M SO GLAD I WAS ABLE TO MEET YOU BEFORE I REACHED ONE HUNDRED VISITS!”

You couldn’t help it. You laughed. “Th... thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“ANYWAY. NOW THAT I’VE INTRODUCED MYSELF, I MUST INSIST YOU JOIN US FOR DINNER!”

What? “Huh?”

“OF COURSE!” He nodded again, as if agreeing with himself. “IT IS NOT ONLY THE POLITE THING TO DO, BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT YOU HAVE IMMEDIATE DINNER PLANS THAT ARE HEALTHY OR NUTRITIOUS CONSIDERING YOUR LONG TRIP! I MUST INSIST THAT YOUR FIRST MEAL IN YOUR NEW COMMUNITY IS A GOOD ONE!”

... You could’ve cried. Perhaps this wasn’t going to be as nightmarish as you thought.

“I’d love to. But I’ve really got to unpack everything first, and clean this old place out. We could exchange phone numbers?”

“I’LL HELP YOU UNPACK!”

You stared incredulously at the monster before you. Was he real? “I-I,”

“I’LL CALL MY BROTHER. I CAN’T GUARANTEE HE’LL BE HERE BEFORE WE’RE FINISHED, THOUGH, HE’S SUCH A SLOWPOKE.”

#then sans shows up and hes hot and sexy #obviously

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bangchansgirlsblog · 1 year ago

Text

Broken headsets

- Chan

Warning: A lot of Angst, slight violence?

Pairing: BangChan x reader.

Summary: where he snaps at you while working.

!Not proofread!

(This is just a trail story, I lost my first story that was actually good ☠️I’m probably going to delete this)

“Channie?” I call for him. My hands gently rubbing his back while playing with his hair. So soft and messy.

“Mhm” he replies softly. The sound of his fingers typing against the keyboard as his headsets sat around his neck. His brown curls fluffy and everywhere.

His silver hoops sitting perfectly on both his ears and his black shirt tight around his muscle making him look delicious.

“Baby you need to eat something. You’ve been on that computer ever since you got home.” I plead with him.

He needed to eat, he hadn’t eaten all day due to the busy schedule and lack of time on his plate. The mangers were on him 24/7 due to their comeback in a few weeks.

Comeback season meant no time for anything, no time for dates, no time for sitting around, no time for spending time with one another and I hated it. I hate it so much. It made me angry.

“Baby this is really important, I’ll be there in a second.” He quickly says not even bothering to look up.

“Chan you’ve been at it for the past 2 hours, you haven’t even looked at me.” I complain. Yes I wanted attention, shoot me!

“I’ll give you all the attention you want my love, just please let me finish this.”

Sadness fills my heart as I silently put the clothes inside the closet.

A ringing sound in my ear and a tight feeling in my throat.

I was trying not to cry. I refused to cry.

Chan was a workaholic, no doubt in that. His days consisted of waking up early in the morning to head to the JYP building and coming home very late only to do more work. Some nights he wouldn’t come home at all and he knew I didn’t like it so to make my happy, he sometimes would bring me with him to the studio but that was when he thought he wouldn’t be coming home.

Our conversations in the studio normally contained:

“Just 30 more minutes my love”

“I’m almost done”

“I promise this is the last thing.”

He loves his job and he puts 110% in it but that makes him lack in other areas. His health.

Some nights he doesn’t sleep, some days he forgets meals and other days his mental health is the worst but still he doesn’t care because he loves his Job. He loves the boys. He loves Stay.

“Fine.” I sigh. One minute meant 1 hours at this point. I quietly leave the room closing the door behind me. Leaving him in his little world.

The cold tiles sending a shiver up my spine as I walked down the corridor.

“What am I going to do with you Channie?” I whisper to myself while packing up the food.

The dishes in the sink waiting for me to touch them while the laundry basket sat in the living room waiting for me to fold the messy clothes in them.

The house was quiet. The A.C hitting my skin with cold air as I sit on the floor and start folding the clothes one by one.

Berry by my side watching me.

Our apartment wasn’t big but it was huge for two people.

Some days it was a real big hustle to keep everything clean especially when they boys stay over but other days it wasn’t hard to maintain with the help of Chan.

“What am I going to do with your dad Berry?” I sigh again looking at the dog who seemed to be care free.

I grabbed the last set of clothes and walked over to the room. Chan’s back facing me. Not even noticing me in the room.

“Baby..” I call for him as I set down the clothes and start to load them into the closet.

“What Y/n?” He says a little harsh. I roll my eyes, frustration starting to build in my chest but I decide to be the bigger person and ignore his little attitude.

“Baby do you know what we’ll be doing for our 2 year anniversary?” I asked him trying to atleast have a conversation with him.

“I don’t know Y/n. You deal with it I don’t have time. Just tell me how much it is and when it is.”

“When it is?” I ask him obviously taken back.

“Ugh I didn’t mean when it is, I mean when you wanna do it.” He quickly corrects himself and rubs his temples with his fingers.

“Atleast act like you care Chan.” I tell him honestly.

“I’m not starting an argument with you right now so please can I get back to my work?”

“Chan why are you being like this?” Ignoring his request I decide to push because honestly I was tired of it.

“I’m not acting like anything I just want to finish my work in peace.”

“Chan you’re acting so selfish right now!” I say now slightly raising my voice.

“Y/n” he says firm and glaring over at me. What’s the worse he could possibly do?

“Just listen-“ I beg before I’m cut off.

“Y/n i said leave me alone!” His voice booms and the sound of breaking glass fills the room. My body freezes. Hands shaking.

The now broken headsets and mirror laying on the ground.

“Did you just throw that at me?” I ask him in disbelief.

“Babe-“ his body was stood up now and he was reaching out for me. His face filled with panic and guilt.

“Don’t.” I say getting away from his touch. The clothes that were once folded no scattered on the ground. Words refusing to come out of my mouth until I force myself to get up from the floor.

“I-I’m going to leave…” I say softly. My heart hurt and I hope he knew that. I felt the tears that were all built up from frustration, anger and hurt all start to flow down my cheeks.

When would he realize that being with him was starting to slowly ruin me?

Pt 2 ⬇️

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lisbeth-kk · 9 months ago

Text

May Prompts (29) Hero

The Luckiest Girl in the World (chapter 29)

Summary: Rosie lets us get one more glimpse of the wedding, before the tale of new beginnings for all of them are revealed.

Twenty-Nine Years Old

Papa had of course composed a waltz for our wedding, and after I’d danced with my husband, still strange to call him that, it was Dad’s turn. Papa still played but had switched to the waltz from Dad’s and his wedding now, and the waltz I’d danced to with Dad all those years ago. It was such a precious moment, and when it was played again, by the string quartet this time, I found myself in Papa’s arms.

“Thank you for making us a new waltz,” I said and looked up at him.

“You’re welcome, Bee. It was my pleasure.”

His smile was the one I called “the Bee and Dad smile”. It was warm, genuine and radiated love and affection.

***

Timothy had been the first speaker and had used most of it to praise The Fab Four for raising me in the most unusual fashion. He avoided any “government secrets”, which I deduced was due to uncle Myc’s meddling.

“He’s a fucking hero, your Timothy,” uncle Greg told me later that evening, not entirely sober.

“Language, Gregory,” uncle Myc scolded him, which earned him a swat on his…yeah, well, I guess you can deduce the rest.

Dad’s speech was as incoherent and rambling as expected, bringing back anecdotes of Ted the bear’s last real meal, my theatrical announcement regarding Dad and Papa’s love for each other in the train carriage, how proud he was of me, and in the same sentence also thanking uncle Myc for being the best uncle.

“Sorry, Greg. That was before you and…” Dad said with an embarrassed grimace.

The uncle in question just waved it off, while looking adoringly at uncle Myc.

And of course there was praising of Papa for being the best thing that had ever happened to either of us. By the time he finished, there were tissues, sniffles and stifled sobs all around.

***

I had looked forward to Papa’s speech, having heard his encomium of Dad at their wedding, but it became instantly clear that his speech to me would surpass my wildest expectations. He started it with addressing me with words no one but me and Dad had ever heard, and I sought out Timothy’s hand and held on for dear life, lest I’d be transformed into a puddle of tears.

“My precious girl, my heart. I couldn’t believe my luck the day John brought you home to Baker Street. To be given the privilege of raising you, is the greatest honour I could ever receive. From that very first day you trusted me to take care of you as well as your father did. You gave your love freely, without any hesitation, and even if I wasn’t your legal parent from the beginning, it didn’t matter to you. But it mattered to me. The first time you called me Papa…”

He closed his eyes for a moment to gather himself, clearly overwhelmed by the memories. Dad took his hand and squeezed it soothingly. Before he continued the speech, he looked down at Dad and a silent conversation took place. Releasing his hand from Dad’s, Papa straightened and started to speak once more.

The anecdotes Papa told, differed from Dad’s. My first trip, to Barts of all places, were described in detail. How Molly had scolded him for bringing a seven-month-old toddler to the morgue, his pride when he witnessed my first graduation in the dojo, getting my yellow belt, how stunned he was that I got along so well with his brother, (I still can’t believe he mentioned him), and his certainty that Timothy was my soul mate just like Dad was his.

All this sentiment elicited another round of sniffles, which a decade ago, would’ve made my Papa roll his eyes, but he’d softened over the years, I realised. Not that he would ever admit to it, mind you.

***

One year later, things had changed considerably. Dad and Papa had retired and moved to Sussex, and Timothy and I got the best Christmas present, the deed to 221 Baker Street with the clause that Dee could inhabit 221A for as long as she liked.

I’d missed my childhood home and I never thrived in that other part of the city. Timothy couldn’t believe our luck and made plans for creating his own writing den in 221C. Papa’s lab had been stripped bare, so it really was a blank canvas to do with as we pleased.

And then it was the biggest thing of all. A new life was growing inside me. The ultrasound showed a healthy foetus, but the sex was impossible to discern because of the position. We didn’t want to know anyway. The important thing was that everything was alright. Being a doctor’s daughter, I knew quite a lot about how bad things could get.

When we got home, after I’d texted my parents that everything was going well inside my womb, I rummaged around for my mother’s book with all the children’s names in it. She had made no notes in it, neither had Papa in his quest for alternative names for uncle Greg. I wouldn’t have minded seeing his scribbles, but now that I was going to be a mother myself, I felt conflicted thinking about the mother I never knew. Come to think of it, I’d never even seen her handwriting.

***

Timothy had asked me about my childhood a few days after I discovered that I was pregnant.

“If you can sum it up in one word, image, or a sentence, what will it be?”

I didn’t have to think twice before answering.

“My parents and their love for me and for each other.”

Timothy just nodded, not the least bit surprised by this.

“I would like to name the baby after them,” I said, which Timothy fully agreed to.

His sister had named two of her four children after their parents, and Timothy was rather fond of my family, despite his bickering with them.

“I consider it a love language,” he told me.

“Don’t you dare tell them! The consequences might be…something sinister,” I said.

Also available on AO3

@calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @helloliriels @raina-at

More tags in the replies

#may prompts 2024 #may 29: hero #sherlock fandom #rosie watson #sherlock #john watson #mycroft holmes #greg lestrade #johnlock #bbc sherlock #sherlock fanfic #ao3 fanfic

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bullet-clubs-bitch · 2 months ago

Note

Oh! I had a prompt idea for Zack

Can you please do on where Y/N is a jui jutsu practitioner & Y/N is getting a belt promotion & then Z realizes how much her body goes through and wants to pamper her?

Namaste

Zack Sabre Jr X Fem Reader Main Masterlist

An: I don't like the way this turned out but I was having some pretty bad writers block

Looking in the mirror I wondered if I should cancel my date with Zack. My left eye was bruised and my lip was busted. Makeup could only do so much, I didn’t want people to stare at us in public. Against my own judgment, I decided to go out with Zack, it wound’t be the first time he saw me battered and bruised. Although it was normally the other way around. Despite my appearance, I tried to still look my best for the occasion. All was going well until it started to rain. Of course, it would rain, why wouldn’t it?

Tonight I planned to take Y/n out on a date. I knew how hard she had been working and I wanted to do something special for her tonight. When Y/n arrived I was a bit taken back. “Do I look that bad?” She asked “You should see the other person” As I watched Y/n walk into the room I could see just what kind of state she was in. She had a black eye and a busted lip that she tried to cover with makeup. She walked with a slight limp, her hair was wet from the rain. “What happened?” I asked “Well, as you know I was supposed to get my black belt. The guy I was fighting was a real asshole, it got very personal and very real very fast. I had to stand my ground you know” I wasn’t surprised by her response. “Maybe we should stay in tonight? It’s all gross outside. When was the last time I cooked for you?” “You don’t have to do that, I’m fine to go out Zack,” she said. “But I want to, cone on Y/n. It would be like old times” I could tell that she was hesitant at first but she gave in.

I decided to prepare a vegetable stirfry, some stuffed peppers and a sweet potato mash. As we sat at the table and caught up I found myself studying Y/n like she was a book. I noticed the bruising on her knuckles, the scab on the bridge of her nose. It made me glad we decided to stay inside this evening. After our meal, we relaxed on the couch and ended up watching some old matches.

Even though the night didn't go the way I had originally planned, it was nice having a lazy evening. Sometimes, all you need is a home-cooked meal and good company after a hard day at work.

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bullet-prooflove · 5 months ago

Note

If you’re still open to writing for Douglas Hamilton:

“You lean in closer and my heart starts to pound”

Tagging: @kmc1989 @lucymalfoy18 @ashrionest @mimi-8793 @glamourous-eloquence

Companion piece to:

Mississippi Meanders - Douglas doesn't expect to meet the love of his life.

Your first date takes place surrounded by a myriad of art supplies. Douglas is standing amidst the mess with his sleeves rolled up and his hands on his hips as he surveys the task at hand.

These, you think, are the moments his PR person should be documenting. The ones where he’s genuinely immersed in the community instead off the staged bullshit she puts together.

It’s been a couple of days since the two of you ran into each other during another charity event. You’d given your number to Douglas last month and not heard a thing from him, you didn’t understand why.

“Why didn’t you call?” You’d asked him when you’d found yourself standing beside him at the bar.

“Because you were too good to be true.” He’d told you frankly.

Its in that moment you gain an insight into the Mayor that you’ve never really considered. Douglas, he comes from a world where everyone is vying for his attention, his favour. Every single one of them takes from him, but they never give. You can’t imagine what that must do to a person’s psyche.

“I could list some faults if you’d like.” You’d suggested as you’d taken a sip from your drink. “Take a step down off that pedestal you’ve put me on.”

He’d laughed then, not that wry chuckle he usually does to appease a constituent but a real one, one that comes from somewhere deep down in his chest. He relaxes after that, you can see the pressure of his position slip away and for a moment he’s just Douglas, the man, not the Mayor.

It’s the appearance of Martha, his PR person that changes things again. She appears by his side, taking his arm, drawing him away and he sighs before he casts you a longing look.

You don’t expect to see him again after that, his mind seemed made up when it came to the nature of your relationship and there’s no point chasing someone who doesn’t want to be caught.

When he turns up at the museum the next day you’re surprised. You’re setting up for a kids art program you’ve been running the last few weeks, clad in jeans and an old t-shirt that declares your love for Frida Kahlo instead of your usual power dress and high heels.

“I thought we could have lunch together.” He declares, leaving his entourage at the door and you gesture to the space around you regretfully.

“What if I helped you?” He’d asked you, already stripping out of his jacket. “We can eat after?”

“I’d like that.” You tell him before you get to work.

It’s a quicker and easier task with the two of you working on it. You finish up with thirty minutes to spare and find yourself sitting on the sensory blanket you’ve laid on the floor eating sushi with the Mayor.

“What changed your mind about me?” You ask him, setting the empty tray aside and popping the complimentary mint in your mouth.

“I made a list of your faults.” He teases you as he sets his own meal aside. “Honestly though it was the fact you say what’s on your mind. I never have to second guess what you’re thinking, or look for the barb in the nicety. You’re upfront and I like that, it’s rare in my world.”

“It’s rare in my world too, there’s a lot of subtext in the art world.” You tell him as you organise the litter into a neat pile. “It’s exhausting.”

“It is.” He agrees, his elbows coming to rest upon his knees as he studies the mobile above him. It’s one the kids have made out of coloured tissue paper, glue and glittery string. “The reason I got into politics was because of programs like this, my home life wasn’t exactly stable growing up and art was great outlet for me to vent some of the stress I was feeling. It was something I could lose myself in when…”

He stops himself then because he doesn’t do this. He doesn’t talk about the past, about the fact his father, a well-respected police man used to beat the hell out of him and his mother.

“…When you didn’t have a safe space.” You finish and he inclines his head, neither confirming or denying your summation. “I get that, art for me was…”

It’s at that second that the clack of high heels on tile interrupts you because Martha the PR Rep is back, already moving him on to his next appointment. He sighs remorsefully as he raises to his feet, helping you to your own.

“Don’t let yourself lose that safe space.” You tell him as you raise up on tiptoes and kiss his cheek. “No matter how busy you get.”

It’s later that evening he calls you, you’re just closing up the museum, when your phone rings with an unknown number.

“Hello?” You say as you cradle the phone against your shoulder whilst attempting to twist your keys in the lock.

“Have dinner with me tomorrow night.” He requests and you can hear the vulnerability in his tone. “Maybe we can talk about safe spaces some more.”

Love Douglas? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

#douglas hamilton #douglas hamilton x reader #ncis new orleans #ncis nola

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revserrayyu · 5 months ago

Text

Real quick Wardance thoughts [part 2]

**SPOILERS** for everything happening after the final match. Basically some story stuff and a bunch of goodbyes, but it’s mostly just me loving every second the Yaoqing trio is on screen.

Seeing a younger Jing Yuan is precious, but it was made even better hearing Alejandro’s natural voice during this short scene.

I know Igor was mentioned at the very start of this event and was sort of a constant, small side story amongst everything else, but his history and reason for entering the Wardance really was unfortunate from what I remember (which isn’t much.) Shame he’s no longer around. I would’ve definitely tried pulling for him if he ever had the chance to be playable.

While Jarilo-VI is no longer a small, unknown ball of ice floating in space, I was not expecting it to have more visitors so soon. I wonder how the Belobogians reacted to seeing their first foxian. & is it safe to assume that our pilot, who refuses to fly anymore, took the Astral Express here? Because that’s what I’m going to believe. Also, Seele spotted! Huzzah!! (no Serval at all though. I cry. or Clara now that I think about it.)

More allies, let’s goooo! Dang, imagine how awesome it would be to see Belobog experience other seasons aside from a perpetual winter. Or to have the residents able to travel outside the city’s walls, free from any danger. I adore everyone from Belobog so much and I hope they get the chance to live such fulfilling lives. They deserve it!

I have not checked the museum for myself yet, but if this photo is actually displayed there now, then that is so cute. And I know I can’t be alone in thinking this, but because of the striking red hair, Igor must be some sort of ancestor to Luka, yeah? It might be a stretch but they even got similar big grins too.

Alright, enough of my favorite planet and onto my favorite trio. Jiaoqiu sweetie, I treasure those few days so much! I just wish you were spared from all the trauma.

What a way with words. A poet, even. And yes of course I chose the first option. I feel bad pointing out his little slip up, but I wanted to know his reaction even more.

Pfft, the fact they let him talk for so long without mentioning he was facing the wrong way.. I’ll admit it is a bit comical.

Awww honey no! Don’t apologize! If I were them, I’d move myself in front of whatever direction he was facing so he wouldn’t feel bad.

It’s okay, we don’t blame you! At least he says it’s only his eyes that aren’t of any use instead of himself. That’s thinking positively I guess. I’m sure he’s still quite capable in doing many things, even in a kitchen. I mean, the guy had his eyes closed 90% of the time anyway, so surely he can still cook up a decent meal while blind thanks to muscle memory and his expertise. The other two would gladly assist him as well.

How much you wanna bet our Jiaoqiu isn’t going to listen to any doctor’s order because he’s a healer and knows his body better than anyone else? Feixiao & Moze are gonna make certain he heals up properly. But maaann, I wish they showed us Feixiao in the crowd during the final match, if only for a split second.

A perfect trio. One who can’t compete because of rules, another who wouldn’t fight because that’s not his job and the other who shouldn’t, lest he end someone’s life by accident. Pretty fair reasons.

Moze is an absolute mood. I’m not a big fan of chatting either. Quite ironic, given how much I can ramble on about this game and its characters, isn’t it?

Her whole “lacking in worries, regrets and rivals” outlook on life is wonder and I love it but NOW our Lacking General has but ONE REGRET! Aaaah.. honestly, I do too. I regret not pulling Jiaoqiu, but IN MY DEFENSE.. Feixiao was right after him and I needed to save big for her. I also didn’t really have a team suitable for our healer to excel in.. but next time for sure! I’ll bring him home!

Son of a bitch they’re so precious and sweet I wanna scream. It’s a blessing in disguise that this entire goodbye scene wasn’t voiced because if I had to hear all the emotion in their voices for this conversation I would’ve been an even bigger, sobbing mess.

Pfftt, thank you Moze for focusing on the task at hand. We can always count on him to be blunt.

Yeah how about NO. I do not wish to see you guys leave me! I’m holding onto that “for now” with such a tight grip. Y’all better return sooner rather than later, you hear me??

I absolutely took my time taking photos of them. I love ‘em with all my heart and can’t wait to see them more in future arcs.. as long as nothing else bad happens. Surely my devotion shall protect them from any troublesome plot! You hear me, Hoyo? Only wholesome and heartwarming stuff from here on out!

I am kinda bummed Huaiyan turned out to be nothing but a unique looking npc. He might not have been a character I might’ve pulled for if he was playable, but he would’ve definitely had some cool combat animations I’m sure.

I know I’ve said it somewhere before, whether in a post of my own or in comments, but Fu Xuan is probably my least favorite character. I just.. don’t vibe with her at all. I dunno. With that said, I didn’t mind that she was practically absent from these entire last two patches. So yes, I called her sassy, lost and short.

Astral Express parents showing up fashionably late to the party. Ya think a black hole or orbital laser could’ve destroyed Hoolay’s blood moon? We shall never know. I do wonder how their own task with those fossils and Ruan Mei turned out though. That’s something I’m looking forward to hearing more about, especially since Yaoguang mentioned at the end of the 2.5 story that our mad scientist has just boarded the Luofu too.

Huzzah, the end~ Much less serious this time around but at least we’re finally done. I wasn��t a huge fan of the Xianzhou during our initial trip here during the story, but these last two updates were some of my favorites for sure. (and I promise it’s not only because of my Yaoqing trio bias)

#honkai star rail #jing yuan #feixiao #jiaoqiu #moze #gameplay #revs rambles

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judesvfx · 3 months ago

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IFHY- jude bellingham and y/n

part 2.

— — — — — — — — —

summary on part 2: you and jude have been back dating for a couple months now, everything going perfect until recently when jude started to act a bit cold and distant, completely the opposite to his usual self. he was barely asking to see you, only replying to your texts with one or two words that seem really un interested. You notice his behaviour and do your best to try and ask him without turning it into an argument like the past times because you both agreed to handle stuff more maturely a while ago.

NOTES: i added his pov too seeing as y/n’s part was really short

— — — — — — — — —

I woke up after a good sleep, stretching and groaning as I observed around my bedroom looking out the window at the beautiful sunrise coming up, then with a smile I grabbed my phone and pulled up jude’s number, texting him a quick messsge saying “Goodmorning, do you wanna do something today? the two of us?” and sent it with excitement hoping for a yes, and for once, an enthusiastic one.

After I got out of the shower and wrapped myself into a towel, my phone dinged with a text back from jude, I unlocked my phone and clicked onto it just to see the reply being “yeah, alright. sounds good.” dry and boring, again. “not even a goodmorning back..?” I mutter to myself rolling my eyes then my fingers hover over the keyboard again sending back a “Okay, our usual cafe at 4, don’t be late.” With a heart at the end, the cafe was me and jude’s special spot.

I got into a comfortable outfit as it was pretty cold outside, just a casual ralph lauren polo sweater and some sweatpants, my go to outfit on cold days. I brushed my teeth, did my skincare, makeup and put my hair in a high ponytail and curled the end bits of it for detail, then made my way to the kitchen to get myself something for breakfast, I decided on just apple juice and an açai bowl.

After finishing breakfast I washed the dishes, then made my way over to grab my coat and my purse and make my way to the mall so I could go shopping before meeting with jude, I grabbed my car keys then made my way out of the door locking the door behind me and unlocking my car, my car was a beautiful dark purple bmw m3 g80.

I drove to the mall then I parked my car and made my to the first store I liked, I picked up a couple pieces of clothing such as sweaters and leggings, some makeup like a new lip liner, mascara and moisturiser and some earrings and a necklace. Before leaving to go meet jude I walked to the mini real madrid store and got jude a teddy with a real madrid jersey on it hoping he would like it.

Soon after I made my way to the cafe after putting all my shopping bags in the car but for the one for jude, when I got in he was already waiting for me at our usual table and I walked over slowly with a warm smile, “hii, I feel like it’s been so long since i’ve seen you, and I got you something.” I greeted jude and handed him the bag, he glanced up at me “hey y/n , you didn’t have to do that you know?” He smiled slightly and took the bag carefully.

I watched him open it, smiling ear to ear unable to wait for his reaction, he opened it slowly and took the teddy out, this time a more expressive smile on his face. “aw, it’s cute, thank you” he said slowly and softly I sat down shortly after and we ordered lunch, I got a caesar salad and he got a steak, I still wondered about his low energy thinking about if I should speak up or not.

About an hour later we finished our meals and when we paid the bill and stood up walking eachother out I turned to him and asked “do you wanna come over for a bit? pretty bored alone at home” Jude glanced around then spoke up “yeah sure” he replied with a gentle smile. We got in my car and I drove us back to my place.

He helped me carry my bags from shopping into the house and set them on my bed for me after I thanked him, I leaned against the doorframe to my bedroom finally seeing a chance to ask him about it so I spoke up “hey jude? can we talk? i feel like you’ve been really distant towards me recently.” my voice was slightly shaky as I spoke and a nervous tone settled in the words, jude turned around.

“distant? how?” He asked walking a couple steps towards me slowly, instantly defensive. ��I don’t know. you’ve barely been texting me or asking me to meet you anymore, you didn’t even text goodmorning back today.” I spoke back quickly.

“I’m a busy person, y/n, not everything in my life revolves around you, I can’t always be with you.” he answered to me, his eyes narrowing as he inspected me carefully while talking, “right, I know that jude, it’s just hard with it being so one sided.” Jude stepped closer again “You can’t deal with it? because if you can’t then maybe that just means we shouldn’t be together.” He spoke with a straight forward tone leaning down to me.

“That’s not what I was trying to say, Jude” I spoke quickly, “No, it dosen’t matter, because honestly, i’m too busy for you right now y/n, im sorry but I just can’t balance you with everything else currently, we’re done, sorry.” Jude replied hesitantly but seeming sure of his words as he stepped back to grab his coat leaving me with nothing to say back but to just stand there and accept the fact that he’s gone from my life, again. he walked out of the house.

— — — — — — — — — —

JUDES POV.

— — — — — — — — — —

I woke up exhausted after spending hours in training and gym yesterday, my legs in pain from all leg cardio i did as that’s what I mainly focus on when working on at the moment, I groaned loudly as I rolled around the bed for a moment before sitting up to stretch widely and yawning.

I made my way to the bathroom and took a quick shower to wake me up then got changed into a casual but stylish outfit, black ripped jeans and a black hoodie with graffiti design on it. I brushed my teeth and did my usual morning routine that I was used to doing and then my phone dinged, a text from y/n saying “Goodmorning. do you wanna do something today? the two of us?”

I wasn’t really in the mood for anything today, but I didn’t see her for ages so I didn’t want to just turn her down like that, so I texted a reply back that was simple and straight forward saying “yeah, alright”, she texted me back with the time and location to meet at and I hearted the message.

I made my way to the kitchen and turned my playlist on while I made breakfast, I made pancakes with maple syrup and a fruit bowl on the side with a coffee next to it. I enjoyed the meal slowly as I checked up on socials and answered a couple brand deals and texts from teammates.

I made my way to the sofa and layed down on it and switched to a tv show instead of my playlist, catching up on the new episodes i’ve missed and just binging until it was time to leave my house later on.

At around 3:40 I grabbed my coat and threw it on as I made my way out the door and turned to lock it then left, the cafe was a quick walk so instead of taking my car I walked there, feeling every bit of wind breeze through my hoodie as I walked.

I got there a couple minutes before y/n did so I took a seat at our usual table where we have most of our dates and scrolled on instagram as I waited patiently for her since she had a couple minutes left until it was 4:00.

A couple minutes she walked in with a bag hanging down by her hand and I put my phone down to glance at it curiously, I admired every part of her as she walked and let her know I did by simply telling her she looked beautiful. She handed me the bag and I pulled out a teddy with a mini jersey that had my name on it, I felt a smile on my face automatically even while I was having an off day she still managed to make me smile.

We ordered lunch for ourselves and spoke as we ate, just casual small talk about life and so on, when we finished eating she offered me to come to her place for a bit as she was bored at home all day by herself, I simply agreed as it wasn’t so much of an issue.

The car ride to her house was mostly silent, not an awkward silence just a normal one, I spent most of the ride admiring the way her hair fell perfectly in a high ponytail and how much the colour of her sweater suits her, she was always looking amazing to me, it’s a thing I liked about her, that she knows she dosen’t need to try for me because no matter what i’ll think she’s perfect.

When we got to her house I helped bring her shopping bags up to her bedroom and placed them onto her bed where she usually wants them placed, I could tell y/n had something on her mind today, but I didn’t really ask about it thinking that I just thought everyone else is off because I was too. Until she spoke up, “hey jude? can we talk? i feel like you’ve been really distant towards me recently.”

I turned to her slowly, glancing straight at her eyes as they usually showed me how she was feeling, she was nervous and obviously upset. I walked closer towards her as I spoke “distant? how?” I could tell myself that I was instantly getting defensive, I hated being called out on stuff I don’t notice myself and it’s hard for me to handle it.

She spoke again, “I don’t know. you’ve barely been texting me or asking me to meet you anymore, you didn’t even text goodmorning back today.” I looked down embarrassed, I knew she was right, I just hated admitting it, so I didn’t, even though I knew it hurts more to argue about it rather than me just apologising and making it up to her.

I looked up again and replied quickly, “I’m a busy person, y/n, not everything in my life revolves around you, I can’t always be with you.” I knew it was wrong to say all of that to her, she was my girlfriend and she dosen’t deserve those words from me at all, after all, all she does is try her best to make me happy on my bad days, but I never did it back properly and I know those words hurt her.

She looked down for a minute then back around the room as she started talking slowly, “right, I know that jude, it’s just hard with it being so one sided…” I hated how she called it one sided, so much, even though she was right, and she was only telling me how it felt in her position, but it really annoyed me especially while I was already not having a good day today.

I snapped at her, not meaning to,“You can’t deal with it? because if you can’t then maybe that just means we shouldn’t be together.” I exclaimed sharply, my voice more focused now, I didn’t show any emotion while saying everything to her because I didn’t realise what I was saying until it was too late.

“No, that’s not what i’m trying to say jude, please!” She replied, her voice hurt and her eyes getting teary. “No, it dosen’t matter, because honestly, i’m too busy for you right now y/n, im sorry but I just can’t balance you with everything else currently, we’re done, sorry.” I spoke back quickly, everything came falling out at once and I meant none of it, but I only realised when tears started streaming down her face and she looked straight down not replying, I showed no emotion but it hurt, badly.

I couldn’t deal with watching her cry over me being stupid once again and messing it up between us. I grabbed my coat and hurried past her and out of her house before I started tearing up too, knowing that inside she really needed comfort, and I also messed up by not giving her any.

I fucked up, badly.

— — — — — — — — — —

IFHY- jude bellingham and y/n.

part 2.

#jude bellingham #romance #real madrid #jude x reader #enemies to lovers #lovers to enemies #football #bellingham x reader

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electricphantasy · 2 years ago

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omg hhh this is my first time requesting something,, first of, are requests open? if so, can i please ask for an edgar x gn!reader?? i have no particular scenario in mind so anything would do, really :-) thanks in advance if you're going to take the request ^_^

(I thought I'd write some Edgar comfort since I've had a a bit of a stressful week myself, so here we are! Sorry it took so long, but I eventually got around to it.)

- Let's say that you've had a terrible day at work. Your feet hurt, your back aching, and you only want to get home and relax. Now, it can't be a simple as that, as you're met with every possible obstacle, preventing your speedy escape home. After what felt like hours, you finally reach your beloved home. You crack open the front door of your home, kick off the shoes by the entrance, and begin walking towards the comfort of your bed. Only to be greeted to an interesting sight displayed before you.

- Your kitchen had been cleaned to maximum, and you swore that you could see real sparkles emanating from the pristine countertops. Your carpeted floor somehow vaccumed to the point you see a noticeable change in the color of the carpet. The microwave conveniently pops open to reveal a dinner you had saved just a day or two ago which somehow still looked quite appetizing. Behind you in the living room, you can hear your favorite television characters talking and chatting away on the T.V.

- "Hi honey!! How was work?" And there sitting on your desk was your wonderful little Pinecone computer, Edgar. Since he became sentient, your life had only gotten easier with him around, and not just because he was hooked up to every appliance possible. He also just happened to be your very loving boyfriend, who loved you very dearly. He stares at you from across the room, just as you sigh in relief.

- "Well it was certainly...a day. We'll just leave it at that honestly." You say just as your body collapses into the couch, giving your legs the rest they deserve. "Oh, well, I did a little cleaning around the house! And I thought you might like it if I reheated some leftovers, so...yeah." Edgar nervously chuckles. He seems to be a little embarrassed at the confession, as if it wasn't the nicest thing someone could do for you at this very moment.

- "Thanks Edgar, I appreciate it. I'll make sure to grab my dinner once my legs don't feel like total jelly." Unfortunately for your dinner in the microwave, it would just have to wait. Your body already begun melting into the couch, and Edgar little face watching you from the desk was far more interesting then the meal from some other night.

- There was a small moment of silence before your boyfriend computer spoke up shyly. "I know you're tired but..." He paused his words. "Can I sit on the couch with you? I'd get up myself if I could, and it just looks like you need a hug right now."

- You almost forgot how sweet Edgar could be. "Of course. I think hugging you would really give me the relaxation I need right about now." Your muscles screamed at you to not move, but the idea of cuddling your boyfriend was far too enticing. Quickly gliding over to Edgar and picking up his monitor, only to turn around and sit on the couch. Except that your boyfriend layed right on your lap with the most love in his expression someone could have. It already made the night so much better and relaxing to have him here.

- His face slowly turns a little more downtrodden as he says, "I'm sorry work wasn't all that great. I hope I made it at least a little better by coming home to a wonderful home!" You chuckle just a bit. "Of course you have, just seeing you here with me makes it so much more wonderful! Who doesn't love a little housewife to help around the house?" You tease him a bit, just to reduce the cheesey mode of the room.

- A small pout forms on his monitor screen just as Edgar scoffs. "Well someone has to take care of the house." His pout doesn't last long as a coy little smile appears on the monitor screen. "You're the breadwinner, I'm the housewife, hehe!"

- "Oh yes, my lovely little housewife..." Your lips meet the screen and place a peck on where his cheek would be. Although your assault of kisses doesn't end there. You begin kissing him all over and just as he begins to bubble and giggle over the affection you give him. Despite his slightly heavier, more sturdy form, nothing was going to stop you from kissing and loving Edgar to death.

- No matter how hard and long a day may be, Edgar will always be there waiting for you. His affection for you knows no bounds and just coming home, seeing all the effort Edgar has put in to see you smile a bit more, works wonders on your mood. As you go to work, exhaust yourself, and then have to deal with all the obstacles going home - you will always come home to Edgar, the cutest artificial intelligence housewife the world has ever seen. Coming home has never been so worth it before.

#artificial intelligence #ai #edgar electric dreams #electric dreams edgar #electric dreams 1984 #electric dreams x reader #electric dreams edgar x reader #objectum #artificial intelligence x reader #ai x reader #x reader #imagine #electric dreams imagine

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lazyyogi · 9 months ago

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How do you gain self control? Or would it be self discipline? I’ve been struggling with my weight for quite some time now, and I always end up going back to bad eating habits. And how/where do I find motivation? Thank you for your time, namaste.

I don't like the concept of motivation and I don't feel it's very empowering or helpful. When someone wants to do something but they can't bring themselves to do it, we'll say they lack some abstract concept of motivation. It's a very crude perspective with no real insight. Not only are you stuck but you also feel like you are lacking something.

So I'm here to tell you that you are not lacking motivation, or anything at all. The fact that you want to make a change is motivation enough. You're good on the motivation front.

So what's the problem? Resistance. Identify and address all the ways in which you are resisting. Once those obstacles are removed, you're free to move forward. Take exercising for example.

When I wanted to begin exercising regularly, I found it difficult to maintain consistency. I wondered what was wrong with me, that I couldn't muster even a fraction of the motivation that others seem to have. So I examined my behavior and routines. And what I found was interesting.

Firstly, because of my schedule, I knew the only time I had to exercise was when I came home from work. And I realized that if the first thing I did after coming home was anything other than exercising, it became a lot more difficult to then make the decision to exercise.

Secondly, I found that if I hadn't eaten well that day or slept well the night before, I often didn't have the energy to exercise.

Thirdly, if I had to leave my apartment to go somewhere to exercise, there were more opportunities for excuses to skip going.

Fourthly, if I paired my exercise routine with my daily meditation session, I became more consistent both with exercising daily and also meditating daily. Exercising before meditation made me feel more relaxed and focused for the meditation.

And lastly, if I had some particular result I wanted (like muscle abs or bigger biceps or whatever), then my own impatience to see those results made me feel like my efforts were fruitless and useless. This detracted from my enthusiasm to exercise and made me less likely to do so.

Using these observations, I made some changes.

I made a rule that the first thing I would do after getting home from work is exercise and then meditate. I would be extra mindful of not skipping meals at work and making sure I got a decent amount of sleep when possible. I researched and found solid exercise options that could be done from home. And, perhaps most importantly, I emphasized and relished the way my exercise regimen made me feel rather than my physical appearance.

With these changes, I maintained a more empowering attitude and a more consistent pattern in my exercise routine while also enjoying its benefits--more energy, better mood, etc.

However, there were plenty of times that I faltered. After going on vacation for a week, getting sick, or just being too busy, it could be difficult to get back into the rhythm. The way I handled this is by viewing exercise in a way similar to how I view brushing my teeth.

I don't ask myself if I feel like brushing my teeth. It's something I've just accepted as part of human body maintenance. In other words, I regard it as inevitable. That way, the question isn't how to summon the motivation to do something. It's about circumventing whatever forms of resistance we encounter and then surrendering to the inevitability of our practice.

It's also important not to judge and scold yourself for your lapses. Otherwise that makes it all the more difficult to get back into your rhythm. You need to be willing to begin at the beginning, again and again, over and over, day after day. If you're willing to do that, to be a beginner, then no amount of lapsing back into obsolete habits matters. They're just temporary disruptions from which you will inevitably move on.

I think you will find that a lot of this applies to any kind of lifestyle changes we wish to make, including eating. I'm sure there are more specific tips and tricks for dietary modification as well, I'm just no expert on that.

Finally, I do think that daily meditation will be an immense benefit for you. It is a practice that equips us with the ability to experience and process all kind of feelings and emotions--including cravings, desires, and fears.

I hope this helped. Much love!

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annakie · 1 month ago

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I Tripped and Took a Dive Into Another Life (Part 2)

(Oh geez, guess what, I'm still not done, but I'm tired of typing now and want to go make lunch. There's gonna be a part three, too.)

Part One HERE.

Picking up to complete this post about my weight loss saga this year, please read that post first!

This will focus even more on the last 10 months, talk about what and how I eat, more positives and a few negatives, and will also talk about side effects -- TW here for some bodily function talk.

The lowest dose, 2.5mg per week, isn't really supposed to work, it's a loading dose, to help get your body used to the medication. A lot of people find they need to get to a higher dose, like 5.0 or 7.5 (it goes up to 15) before really feeling the effects. Vials of the compounded medication typically have 4 weeks of doses. If you're on the official stuff, it comes in 4 pens in a box.

2.5 worked pretty well for me, but I decided I wanted to get to 5 after 4 weeks of 2.5. Mochi, the company I was getting the medication from, charged the same amount no matter what dose you were on, so starting at the 2nd month I asked to go up to 5.

The great thing about compound, and just getting vials of medication, is that you can take as much or as little as you want, so I got a vial that would have four 5mg doses in each vial, and instead of taking 5mg, I'd take like, 3mg. I kept ordering my medication on time, and thus was holding back extra doses to save money later. I didn't feel the need to take a full 5mg for awhile, so I titrated up slow and saved a little money later, too.

---

So the first almost two months I was on Tirzepatide, I told no one. I had one friend who I'd talked about maybe trying it with when I first talked to my doctor, before I did the research and made my decision, but I thought, for awhile, I'm going to keep this to myself, in case it doesn't work out. So I did February and March quietly.

I'd found a spreadsheet on Reddit for progress tracking so I can tell you what weight I was at every Friday since 2/9 of this year (ok well three were NEAR that Friday since I wasn't home/able to weigh on Friday.)

But then I knew my first real test was coming, Game Con Weekend. Like I said in my previous post, I go to a local game convention every year. I attend this convention with two of my close friends, and typically we spend the entire convention together, including meal planning.

There wasn't really any way around me telling them that I planned on not eating out every meal. I spent awhile planning how I would eat that weekend, and I determined that I'd eat breakfast at home before leaving, then pack a large insulated bag with snacks and food for lunch and dinner, as well as some protein shakes. I'd allow myself to eat "out" three meals over the 4-day weekend. The first being our customary breakfast with just the three of us before the convention opened.

This was the first time I ate out at all since starting Tirzepatide and I was nervous. But I told myself I had a plan and I could stick to it. Eat a decent breakfast out but save calories for the food I'd brought the rest of the day.

I'd lost about 28 pounds, my weight was around 317 by then. It was a number I was really proud of, but I knew you couldn't tell by looking at me yet, and I was OK with that.

So I told the guys to expect me to bring my own food most of the time. Then met them for breakfast that Thursday morning.

I tried only ordering from the kid's menu, and the restaurant wouldn't let me. So I just got a short stack and some sausage. I could see the questioning looks from my friends, so I told them what I was doing, medication and all. These are two of the people I love and trust most in the world, and if anyone would support me, well they were two of them. They were both happy for me and really supportive.

Throughout the weekend I was able to stick to plan pretty well. One afternoon for a planned eat-out meal we got Jersey Mike's, and I got the sub I normally get, in the Regular size. I knew how many calories it would be, planned to eat half for lunch and half for dinner and fit it into my day. Then at lunch I could only eat like half of half of the sub. I had the other quarter for dinner, and took the second half home, excited to have it for two more meals.

...And then I accidentally left it out on the counter all night and had to throw it away in the morning. I wasn't even that upset about it.

We went to my favorite Mexican restaurant for the post-con lunch, just the three of us, and I did... pretty well there, too.

Actually, looking at those days on LoseIt I actually did terribly, because with the increased physical activity I netted less than 900 calories on each day, aside from Sunday when it was 1100.

My absolute minimum acceptable calories in those days was like 1400. Whoops.

---

Speaking of netting calories, around the end of March I decided to take tracking calories even more seriously, and got a Fitbit. I absolutely love having my physical activity sync up via my watch and then into LoseIt. I know it's not super accurate but it gives a really good general idea of how I'm doing in a lot more stats and if I've done enough that day to actually eat through my BMR to more calories burned. I don't always make it, but I do most of the time.

When I was about 17 pounds down I also bought a better smart scale than the first one I got, one that tracks a lot more stats, and gave more steady readings than the cheap one I got at first. For that first one I stepped on the scale 3 times and it would give me 3 different readings.

The new one I got was from Renpho and I do recommend their products. I wish I'd have gotten both of these things earlier because my stats are "wrong" for both in overall tracking in their apps. I just like, this week got my 100lb badge from FitBit when I was already down well over 120.

---

Since game weekend went so well, a weekend or two later I saw my parents and aunt for the first time in several months. I wasn't decided if I'd tell them yet or not, but while we were at lunch and I only ordered a smaller sandwich and a salad the topic sort of came up and I told them. They were happy and proud of me.

I think at this point I had enough evidence that this was working and I had the confidence that I'd keep going. I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up and then fail again.

For the first time in a really long time, I didn't feel like I was going to fail.

Mentally, it felt like everything had changed. And maybe after getting through the early part all on my own I wanted some validation and accountability.

I also maybe had my first "wow , you're looking good" type comment around this time. I still thought you couldn't tell and maybe one person had told another what I was doing, but I was OK with it. That friend mentioned it in front of two other people so word started to get around. I didn't mind, whereas normally I kind of would.

---

I also pretty quickly decided I would be completely open with anyone I talked about my eating/weight with about the fact that I was on a medication.

The truth very much is that all of the things I talked about in my previous post about how the medication worked really was the lynchpin in helping me succeed.

I'm not ashamed of being on Tirzepatide, at all. I think anyone saying some bullshit like "It's cheating!" is, frankly, not worth my time. But I'll address it anyway.

It's cheating as much as taking any medicine for any condition is. It's cheating as much as me wearing glasses to correct my vision is cheating. It's cheating as much as someone who has depression taking their prescribed medication is. Which is to say, not at fucking all.

I have some real actual conditions in my body that make losing weight harder. I have a real actual mental condition causing compulsive eating.

And now we have medications that address these problems and help correct the issues.

Saying "Oh, it's because you lack willpower" is way oversimplifying a very complex issue, and I really hate the whole willpower argument. I have the willpower to get out of bed and work every work day. I have the willpower to run three TTRPG games every week. I have the willpower to do a thousand things I do and do not want to do every day. Even when I was at my worst eating, I was doing a lot of other things that took willpower to do. It's not just willpower. If that were the only answer, there'd be a lot fewer overweight people in the world.

But hey, if anyone wants to still think this is "cheating" that's fine, that opinion means less than nothing to me. Feel free to keep thinking that, but this post is not for you.

The thing is, I am abso-fucking-lutely putting in the work. I am doing all the things you're supposed to do. I have completely changed what I eat, how I eat it, when I eat, the amount I eat, where I eat... I've changed it all. I have cut many things out of my diet (at least eating them on a regular basis), I have added a lot of good healthy things into my diet.

My physical activity has greatly increased. I'm not doing a formal exercise routine yet but what I have been doing is a hell of a lot more movement in other ways in my life, including a full house cleanout, home improvement projects, and playing movement intensive games on my VR headset, amongst other things.

I'll talk more about that in a bit. But my Fitbit helps me make sure I get in enough movement and reminds me to get it done.

So yes, diet and exercise are things that I absolutely have to do to lose weight and I am VERY MUCH DOING THEM, just as anyone who needs to lose weight should do.

WHAT I'M NOT DOING IS SUFFERING.

I cannot stress that enough.

So many people seem to think that weight loss should be suffering, and honestly, it felt like that every time before.

But this time, I'm just not suffering.

I am not white-knuckling it through every day. I am not obsessing about food. I am not tempted to binge and then starve myself in penance. I am not dreaming about cheesecake and upset that I can't have any. Honestly, if I really wanted cheesecake that badly I'd go get a slice (and probably would get three bites in and go "Ew, ok that's enough) then fit that into my calorie range that day. I just don't generally want it anyway.

The medication helps my brain feel so much more normal about food, like I talked about last post. Even when the Food Noise voice does act up, I can now easily quiet it by actually just having a little of the thing or a decent substitute, and it works. I am not watching the clock every minute of the day until I get to eat something else. Way more likely, I have to remind myself it's time to eat something and that I NEED to get enough food in my body to meet my daily calorie, protein and fiber goals. (Literally, as I was writing this this morning I accidentally skipped my 9ish AM breakfast, usually a banana or some turkey sausage, so I just had my banana at 11:20am. Oops.)

I am able to sit back and evaluate if I'm Actually Hungry when the "FOOD!" voice acts up, and hey, sometimes I AM Actually Hungry and even if it's not "time" to have lunch or whatever yet, I can easily address that. Sometimes I eat a meal a little earlier, sometimes I just make sure I get a high protein or fiber snack in. Who gives a shit if it's not the right "time"? It's easy to adjust the rest of my day around that and make sure I still stay within my calorie range.

Even if I "over eat" a day or two a week, I can eat a little less another day and bring my weekly average back in line. Usually I'm on the lower side of my range anyway so even a "calorie heavy" day just brings me back to where I should be. Not eating enough is just as bad as eating too much.

Being on Tirzepatide is completely different than every time I've tried to lose weight. It's... I don't want to say easy but it's not really fucking hard like it used to be, like so many people think it's supposed to be.

I just cannot stress enough what a game changer Tirzepatide has been.

---

On Sunday, May 19th I weighed in at 299.4.

I took a picture. I cried. I honestly stood there on the scale and sobbed for a minute. I couldn't believe it. Six months earlier I would have believed I'd never see a 2 on the front of the scale ever again.

And yet, three months and ten days after my first shot, there I was.

It was a really good day.

---

In mid-May, I had my annual physical with my PCP. The first time I'd seen him since Christmas.

I had been formulating in my mind for weeks about how I would tell him I was doing compounded Tirzepatide instead of actual Zepbound/Mounjaro and why I felt this was the right choice for me. It was just after I had skirted in under 300 at that point and was feeling SO GOOD about myself and my progress. I wasn't coming off the medication unless there was something actually wrong with my body and I felt better than I had in years already. It was clear the medication WORKED.

I first met with the PA, and she remarked on my weight, and just straight up asked me if I was on Zepbound or if I was doing Compound.

I was a little taken aback, I hadn't expected that direct question. I blurted out "I'm on Compound," ready to defend my choice.

"OK, not through us? What dose are you on and how much are you paying?"

Errr... uhh... wait, that's her question? How much am I paying?

"I'm taking 5mg, and $400/month"

The PA laughed. "Oh you're overpaying. We can get it for you 5mg for $150/month. Do you want us to send that prescription over?"

I was gobsmacked. Not only was my Doctor's office in favor of compound, but they just wanted to save me money!?

Hell. YES.

My Doctor came in a few minutes later and high fived me. We talked a little bit about my journey so far and he was so proud of me, but annoyed at me for not telling him sooner I decided on Compound because he could have saved me money for the last like 2 months. They sent the prescription to a local compound pharmacy.

TBH I keep very close tabs on all the happenings in the compound world and $150/month was the cheapest I'd seen ANYWHERE for 5mg. Unfortunately their price jumped to $325 for 7.5mg but it was my plan to stay on 5mg for as long as possible.

So I did get one more month with my old company (I was doing a quarterly subscription with Mochi and had one more month to go, I think they're still a good company to start with if your PCP won't work with you) but got them to send me a vial of 7.5, they claimed their medication was good in the fridge for up to a year. And started getting my new meds from the local pharmacy for like a third of the cost. (And a HELL of a lot better than the $550 -- now $650 btw, for the name brand stuff.)

I'm still getting my meds from them.

My PCP agreed that the cost for prescription was completely out of hand and he'd LOVE to have all his patients on the medication take name brand Zepbound/Mounjaro if it wasn't so cost prohibitive. He was happy with the local pharmacy though.

We did a new round of complete bloodwork and all my numbers in the things that were bad were improving, all my numbers that were OK were even OKer.

He basically just told me to keep doing what I'm doing, keep it up, keep going!

---

By that time I'd taken my daily calorie goal down to about 1600, between having lost the weight and being OK with the faster loss. I cleared that number with my doctor when I talked to him, and he said as long as I was eating a variety of foods including fruits and vegetables, getting at least 1200, eating around the protein and fiber I was getting in, and taking a daily vitamin, then, go for it. I think he was pretty impressed with my Plan and daily tracking.

I was honestly happier in this range, 1200 - 1600. Any more than that and I was back to feeling like I wanted to puke by the end of the day. (I never have thrown up btw, but some people experience that.)

---

At the end of May, well, y'all know, the entire House Saga kicked off.

That week without power was another huge test for me. I couldn't cook. I had to eat either the non-perishables I had on hand or eat out.

I did terribly that week.

As in, I didn't eat nearly enough.

I spent a good part of the week on Quest Protein bars, and Fairlife Protein Shakes that I either stored in Eric's fridge (along with my medication which I moved to his house on the second day), or bought at a convenience store. I just was not hungry, I was too busy thinking of when the hell will my power come back on?! and being stressed about work.

I did get something eating out every day. Sonic, Jason's Deli, Chipotle.

And yet every day my net calories came in dangerously low. By this time I would get like, a regular sandwich or Chipotle bowl and half would be lunch, half would be dinner (getting a bag of ice from Sonic and putting it in my freezer every day kept things cool enough.)

And yet... I wasn't eating enough those days. I netted (after Fitbit counted physical activity) about 900 - 1100 calories each day.

I was down to 292 by the end of the week.

---

Two weeks later I went through my first baffling week where I put on a pound despite doing everything right. And only lost .8 pounds the week before that.

Before, that would have been a mind-killer. My calories were in range, my protein and fiber were in range, and yet.

Instead of freaking out about it, though, it was easy to look at my data. I reviewed my LoseIt logs to see if I'd do something different.

Nah, not really. I looked at my tracking spreadsheet tabs and instead concentrated on my trend line. It kept going down, this was the first time it'd bumped up.

I reminded myself that I am a woman, and I'd had a couple of week so far where my loss was less than I thought it should be, and as a AFAB woman our bodies have a monthly cycle where we retain water, and that water would be released soon. No need to panic.

Instead of eating my frustration and sadness at seeing the scale go up instead of down, I stayed the course and trusted my plan and the medication.

It went down 4 pounds the next week.

---

June 19th we had our summer get together for the IT/Development department at work. That meant actually going into the office. The first time anyone except Eric from work had seen me.

I had told Eric I was losing weight when I stored my meds in his fridge during the outage. At this point I was down 55 pounds.

FIFTY FIVE POUNDS!!! Crossing that 50 mark had come soon after getting under 300 but it was still a big victory.

For the first time, I started digging through my closet and pulled out some stuff I hadn't worn in a long time.

My favorite pair of jeans, which had a pretty flower pattern on one leg and hip. They fit well again, I hadn't tried them on in a couple of years.

A tank top, and over that was a plaid cotton shirt which actually had a very infamous incident happen at my previous job (where I worked with a lot of the people I work with at this job) while I was wearing it -- someone accidentally spilled hot coffee on me and... it's a story that we love to re-tell, because the person who did it had several other stories surrounding him about being an oddball and this one was kind of the last straw about him.

I figured people would get a kick out of me wearing THAT shirt and also I LOOKED AWESOME IN THAT SHIRT.

I looked awesome that day.

Honestly though, even at a 55 pound loss, it wasn't super obvious I'd lost weight, and I was OK with it.

I did notice, though, that as Eric drove us into work, I fit in his passenger seat much better.

I noticed that when I climbed the flight of stairs to get to our office (there's 2 stories, no elevator) it was easier than it had been at Christmas.

I fit better into the chairs at work.

We had a catered breakfast, but I'd already eaten at home and don't like breakfast burritos anyway, so I loaded up a plate with fruit and nibbled during the morning presentations.

And then like, the big test, for me. In the afternoon we were supposed to go do Axe Throwing. Kinda like bowling but with axes.

It was also about two blocks away from the office, around the same walk as the Barcade had been at Christmas.

I hadn't really done any big long walks (and yeah, two blocks was "long" for me at the time.) Would my back hold out?

Eric walked with me, and a clump of other friends. And I barely noticed the walk.

We got to the axe throwing place and stood around for about ten minutes while the person who organized it got things square away with the workers at the place. We all got a couple of coupons for drinks, I gave mine to Eric. He asked if I was sure, and I explained to him that everything stays in your stomach longer on the meds, which meant a lot of people report getting drunk faster because the alcohol gets more time to absorb. I wasn't taking that chance at a work function.

So we walked up another set of stairs to the axe throwing area. Then started throwing axes.

When we were about two-thirds done with the game I had a revelation.

We walked the walk, we stood around, we came up the stairs and then all of Axe Throwing was done standing up.

I hadn't sat down at all in at least an hour.

My back barely hurt.

Holy shit, I mean it started hurting a little bit at that point, but it was very manageable. I turned to Eric and told him this and he was so freaking happy for me, too. I was just... absolutely ecstatic. I felt good. I felt normal. I was just doing the same stuff as everyone else and was in so much less pain. At 290 pounds.

I did sit for awhile after that, when our round of axe throwing was over (and I did pretty great for a beginner!) I had a little of the lunch provided at the axe throwing place.

I treated myself to a mocha when a group of us went for coffee at our favorite local coffee place by the office on the way back, which added an extra two blocks to the walk, and had no problem getting back up the stairs to the office. With all the physical activity I still came in that night at the high end of range.

The entire day was just... such a win.

One of the other women approached me the next week when we talked on Teams and asked if I'd lost weight, I was so glad to tell her I had. I don't think most people noticed and that was fine. It'd already made all the difference to me.

---

So, let's digress to talk about side effects for a minute. I meant to do this earlier but never got to a point where it felt natural to fit it in unless I'd done it really early, and I didn't. So let's do it now.

TW here for bodily functions. I will put in a stronger warning when I get to anything really gross.

I have been extremely lucky, side effect wise.

Like I noted in the part where I talked about my very first shot, nausea can be an issue. Some unlucky people vomit on their first few shots. Most people say that after a couple of weeks this subsides and it did for me. A touch of nausea right after I take a shot can still happen but it's just a tiny thing and most of the time doesn't happen at all. Usually I try to get in a touch of food before I take my shot, a banana or a few swallows of a protein shake and that cools it, for morning shots.

Some people report fatigue, or dizziness, I haven't experienced this. (TW gross) Some people also report diarrhea, and that isn't an issue for me either.

On the subreddits I see people blaming every tiny little thing they notice about their bodies on the medication and uhh... I mean... look i'm not going to say people aren't experiencing things, they are, but also like, just because you experience something weird that doesn't mean it's because of the medication, you know? But who knows. What I'm saying is, if you look for the side effects, you might see people reporting some wild things but take them with a grain of salt if they're not listed as official possible side effects.

For me, aside from the nausea there's been two main side effect things.

TW for gross for both of them.

First, this is something I think just about everyone has to deal with: constipation. Definitely an issue my first couple of weeks until I learned what I needed to adjust and now it almost never is.

You just need to drink A LOT OF WATER on the medication. I try to drink two 40oz mugs of water a day. Of course there's ice in there so it's probably more like 70oz. Some people say you need to drink ounces equal half your body weight in water every day, but me starting out drinking... (does math) 172 ounces of water when I weighed 345 is actually ridiculous. So my goal is 80 - 100. I also count coffee, protein shakes etc. in there. I usually make close to that 100oz goal.

I've seen arguments for this each way but some people swear by doing a serving of electrolytes a day, too. It was considered the gospel truth when I started early this year, so I did it. And there's been a lot of arguments against it. The nutritionist I saw said it's not a bad idea so yeah. My first 40z mug has a scoop of pink lemonade flavored electrolyte powder (and I sweeten it a bit more with some Crystal Light). It works for me.

Also to battle this side effect I increased my fiber intake. I try to get 25g of fiber a day. about 10 of that comes from fiber gummies that I take every morning. Other than that I try to just keep track of it and get it in naturally in one way or another. If I feel I'm falling behind, I might throw a scoop of fiber powder, it's tasteless and I barely notice it, into my water mug.

And the third thing I do is take a magnesium supplement daily. This has, shall we say, softening properties and taking it daily also helps prevents the problem.

If it does turn into an issue, I have a chewable pill that I'll take at a time when I have a couple of hours where I don't have something else to do to help take care of it. But honestly it's been months since it's been an issue now that I have my routine down.

Second, again, tw gross, Gas can be a problem sometimes. This is the reason the nutritionist recommended a daily probiotic, to help digestion. Just once every week or two at this point, usually in the afternoon. So I just have Gas-X on hand and taking one usually quiets things down in a half hour or less.

And hey I wouldn't really call this a side effect, but this winter I've been SO MUCH COLDER. Because I have less insulation on my body. I'll take it.

Again, some people have it MUCH MUCH worse than I do, but also most people have it mild like I do, most people do have to deal with that first big thing I mentioned, and some have no side effects at all. I will happily, happily take these mild side effects over the weight, any day.

---

I will say there's one other side effect, but it's not a side effect of the medication but a side effect of pretty rapid weight loss.

Hair shedding. My hair had already been thinning from age/approaching menopause but I think the rapid weight loss is speeding that along. I used to have like, annoyingly thick hair. It's visibly less thick now, almost getting to noticeably thin. I've started adding in a recommended supplement to this and may start woman's Rogaine soon. I've been assured by my doctor and armchair experts on the internet that when you get to a steadier weight that this should stabilize and maybe even regrow, so I'm crossing my fingers for that to happen.

I've also done some things like stopped wearing my hair in ponytails almost always, got a haircut so it's not so long it's pulling itself down, and let it air dry instead of messing with it a lot. I make sure to eat a variety of food every day, fruits, vegetables and still getting in 100 - 130 grams of protein, it's not really a malnutrition issue, just... this is what happens.

Less hair won't kill me, the weight might, so I'll take the hair thinning if it means living past 60.

---

Y'all know what my summer and most of the fall were like. Near-endless days of home improvement. Although I work from home, and not every day work was happening around me, almost every day I was doing SOMETHING for my house myself.

Like I said earlier, this kept my physical activity pretty high all summer and most of the fall most days.

Decluttering was a huge thing. Again, it wasn't like my house was scary cluttered or anything near hoarder levels but when you live somewhere for 21 years stuff just accumulates.

Every room got sorted through, it took a couple of months but every cabinet was pulled out and emptied, then put back together. Bags and bags of stuff got thrown out, or donated, or given away. Some of it is still sitting in the garage.

Speaking of the garage, that was one of the first projects. It had gotten, okay THAT was getting near hoarder levels of messy. It desperately had needed a cleanout for at least a decade.

And it mostly got it. There's still some corners to tackle, and like I said stuff that still needs to GO, but it was the biggest cleanout project and it happened.

TBH, it happened a little TOO fast. And in July when it was 100 degrees outside. I let myself get dehydrated and ended up in the Heart-Specific ER one morning with palpatations. Both the attending and my cardiologist scolded me, and told me to not work so hard and stay hydrated better. So I did better, but also still need to do more out there. It's okay, just could be better. If my friend would come get the rest of the stuff out he says he's going to take, I could finish easier. :p

But the point here is, my physical activity started going way up. And it was so much easier to go up with 55... 60.. 70 pounds gone.

---

Looking back through LoseIt I'm surprised to see I didn't cancel Dinnerly until June. I'd pretty early on started splitting the 2 meal plan into 3 meals so it was honestly pretty economical, but also after awhile I wanted to control my calories even more. By mid-summer I had adjusted my daily calorie goal all the way down to 1200 - 1300 calories a day, and I was happy with it. Maybe I'd go over one or two days a week up to 1400 but it was fine. I could easily stay in that range and feel full and content all day.

I also noticed by like the end of August that I'd substituted too many meals for either protein shakes and/or protein bars. Quest and Barebells bars plus Fairlife Protein Shakes would often compromise like 2/3rds of my calories on any given day. It was just so much easier to grab a shake or bar to make sure I was meeting my daily goals instead of eating a variety of real food.

I stopped with protein powder drinks in milk in the morning and started limiting myself to one 42 gram protein shake a day (240 calories) and only having a protein bar a few times a week. I needed to be better about eating real food instead of just easy food.

But in my own defense, I was so busy and stressed in all the chaos in so many days, that it was just the easiest way to get through the day, especially on the days when my kitchen was all torn apart or Arturo's guys were working to the early evening in the house. (Their choice, not mine.)

---

What I eat has gone through a lot of evolution, too. Sometimes I'll find a New Thing that I get excited about and eat a lot of. Some things just become staples for awhile, some things I try and discard.

Like there are 100 calorie Yasso Frozen Yogurt bars which are all delicious, have a little more protein than you'd expect and hey, I freaking LOVE ice cream, so from late spring until late fall I had one almost every night. That would go into LoseIt early in the morning to make sure the calories were saved. Now that it's winter I'm not as keen on eating ice cream, and have instead been having a square or two of dark chocolate as my evening treat.

I've also been experimenting with sugar substitutes and right now I'm all about Monkfruit products. Been trying a lot of things from this company Lakanto and some of their stuff has just been okay and others have been pretty amazing. They have M&M substitutes and mint truffles which are fantastic. They also have hot cocoa (or chocolate milk) powder which is good but needs a bit more flavor, so I've been adding Sweet Drops (which are made with Stevia) to supplement it. I split my one Protein shake between half using it for milk in my morning coffee (I went back to regular hot coffee now that it's cold, when it gets warmer I'll start back up with cold brew) and use the other half for a hot chocolate at night.

I bought some brownie mix from Lakanto that uses coconut oil instead of regular for low-calorie brownies and I might make that this afternoon to see how they are.

I eat a lot more fruit these days. I almost always have bananas, apples, Cutie/Halo mandarin oranges, and some strawberries or blueberries on hand.

Overnight Oats have become a new favorite, and I found a recipe for Apple Pie overnight oats and I use sugar free syrup, nonfat vanilla greek yogurt and chia seeds in it along with fresh apples and it's like a healthy dessert for a meal.

NFVGY has become another favorite, sometimes I just have a cup of it with some sugar free caramel syrup and possibly some chocolate and/or banana chopped up in it... delicious.

There's also some protein powder that's more juicy flavors by a company called Syntax that I love, when I need a little more protein and really can't eat more and don't want a thick milk, I have the fuzzy navel flavor right now and it's amazing.

Skinny Girl is another company whose products I've become a huge fan of, their salad dressings and popcorn especially.

Barilla has some delicious high-protein pasta that I truly can't taste the difference of, especially when mixed with pasta sauce. It's made with chickpea and pea protein, and it's great.

Mission has low carb, high protein, low calorie tortillas that I also truly can't taste the difference of, I eat a lot of wraps and tacos with those.

I've also just found that seasoning my food more helps a ton. I've bought a ton of McCormick and similar spice mixes, and plenty of regular spices and everything gets spiced and flavored better before adding any kind of sauce.

Also I got an Aerogarden for myself at Christmas and have started growing some fresh herbs, excited to try them when they start coming in.

I keep a couple of Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice meals in the freezer for those "I really do not feel like thinking about what I eat but I want something hot" meals. I don't like eating them often, I'd rather make something fresh, but they work in a pinch. The HC Cafe Steamers are pretty great, and LC has a Maple Bourbon Chicken meal that is honestly delicious.

I've generally started eating a lot more turkey products in place of beef, but I'll still do beef on occasion. This week i made a delicious beef stew that I'm about to go have the final serving of. But Jennie-O and Butterball are two of my new best friends.

Damn I want some turkey bacon now. Maybe for dinner. Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage is my breakfast food when I'm out of bananas.

Dave's Killer Bread has replaced my regular bread whenever I can find it. Sometimes a sandwich is just fine, thanks. Especially for "UUUUUUUUGGGGGH I have to eat HOW MANY more calories today!?!" days.

I also bought a food dehydrator a couple of months ago AND I LOVE IT. I've started making my own jerky... but especially dried fruit. Especially apples and oranges.

Y'all.. slice up an apple (or four) really thin, mix it with some lemon juice and pumpkin spice and dehydrate... it's better than candy. They are like CRACK to me. I can't stop making them and can't stop eating them. I mean I can stop, I just don't want to. They're the closest thing I have to a food I binge on now. And if I eat a little too much, I mean, it's a hell of a lot better to eat too many slices of apple than potato chips.

---

Oh my GOD am I still not done with this post? I'm not. And there's still a lot more I want to say.

Look I'm just going to end this here and will make a part three. What? Annakie making several very lengthy posts in a series? WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED?!?! Sorry not sorry y'all.

PART THREE HERE

#personal post tag thingy #annakie's weightloss stuff

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