#but then again I was always going to love it
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a good man
{bodyguard!kento nanami x rich girl f!reader}
summary: kento nanami has been your appointed bodyguard since the age of nineteen. his poised, calm, respectable mannerisms having you falling to your knees over him as he was completely different than any of the other boys in your life⌠for he was a manâ taking care of your rowdy party girl behaviors and guiding you with the best advice and judgement he could possibly muster, and you loved him, gutted over the fact that he possibly only thought of you as a spoiled little brat who was useless and incompetent, as a client, and you wanting to be more than just that to him⌠except you were. for kento had already fallen over his knees for you.
warnings: MDNI. afab!reader, BRATTY AFFF RICH GIRL SPOILED READER sheâs a little baddie o yes, LOWKEEEYYY brat tamer kento MEEOOOWWW, FLUUFFF GALLOOREE!!, slight angst!!, kento is SOOO SOOFTTT AND A LIL GENTLEMAANN, blowjob YUM, oral m receiving, mentions of doing the sex, deep throating, SEDUCTIVE AF READER BRO, cursing, mentions of alcohol and drinking, sexual themes, kento is older than reader by three years, mentions of reader having âpink cheeksâ is only to amplify and over-exaggerate feelings of embarrassment, shyness, and everything in between, and not to be taken literally! this is a work of fiction, and you can imagine many things for yourself :)
word count: 20.3k (i yap i fear)
authors note: I NEED A FUCKING MAN !!!! LIKE KENTO !!! RAAAAHDVSJSBSJSJ this BEAUTIFUL precious concept was a blend and mixy of multiple requests i got for sir nanami blended into one!! :,)) i hope i did you guys justice to those who requested and sent in ideas my loves !!! <3333 AND I HOPE YOU ALL LOVE ITTT JUST AS MUCH AS I DOOO AAHHH !!! I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO SO SOOO MUCHHH MWAAHHH !! <3333
âplease donât do that.â
you were undoubtedly the most defiant, stubborn girl kento had ever met.
âand why not?â you pouted. âitâs just for a little bit⌠and i canât leave my friend hanging when sheâs dealing with such a crisis! she needs my help.â
âyour help.â kento repeated. âshe needs your help going to a partyâŚ. at one in the morning.â
âitâs not a party itâs a small gatheringââ
ây/n the hour is ungodly right nowâŚâ he sighed, rubbing his forehead. âi donât believe this is very wise.â
you finished applying your blush and stepped back from your large vanity, quickly placing your brush back in itâs holder and grabbing your bottle of perfume, spritzing it.
âitâs fine ken!â you looked up and smiled. âiâll just be gone for a little while iâll be back beforeââ
âiâm sorryââ he held a palm up. âyouâll just be gone? darling, you realize i have to go with you.â
âbut whyyy?â you mumbled, slouching dramatically and chucking your perfume bottle on your bed. âtwo hours! just give me two hours i promise iâll be backââ
âiâm afraid not.â
âwhyyyy!â you whined again, and kento only looked at you with a straight stoic face.
âbecause itâs my job to go with you and you know that.â
and youâd always been defiant and stubborn, kento having known you since you were a little girl as both his and your father were family friends for years, your upbringing a little different from his as your father was exponentially wealthy and owned various companies and properties, his parents just so happening to work for him and gain special bonds and camaraderie over the time of your growing lives.
though kento was only three years older than youâ the gap nothing notable or too drastic, it sure as hell felt like it with how bratty and rebellious you were sometimes on a day to day basis that he had to bare witness of since the age of fourteen.
so why kento thought of you so much when you were the epitome of a spoiled princess⌠was a little unclear to him.
or maybe he did know exactly whyâ the reasoning transparently clear, to a fucking T actually⌠yet his pride and the oath he had set with your father the minute kento started pursuing his desired career after high school, hindered him from ever admitting anything to anyone. especially you.
and because he constantly ignored the way he felt, he was regrettably perplexed every time he was around youâ which was literally every single second of every waking day since the moment he received his protection licensing⌠for kento was your bodyguard, hired by your father who saw his interests in technical protection training, and trusted no other man around his daughter other than kento himself, encouraging him to pursue it as a career in the promise that he would guarantee him a positionâ one with a pay that would have him set for the rest of his life so long as his precious little daughter was happy and safe.
and kento took the offer without so even as a twitch in his serious expression for two reasons.
the first was the obvious, to solidify proper employment for himself in the career that heâd always paid particular interest in ever since he was a kidâ to make a man out of himself and work under prestigious and professional levels of security with someone, your father, whoâs orders of authority were equivalent to a president, and a man he admired like no other and dreamed of owning a business that was as fruitful as his.
and the otherâŚÂ was to keep an eye on you.
you were reckless, bratty, naive, troublesome, silly, and never took absolutely anything seriouslyâ all things that worried kento to no end anytime you so even managed to slip from his sharp attentive line of sight since the both of you were young.
and you escaping him happened a little more often than heâd like to admit.
like now.
ây/nââ
kento sharply turned upon hearing your snickering little giggles zooming past him and trailing from down the hall already, him swiftly retrieving his blazer that he had previously set on one of your lounge chairs and settling it over his arm, long and hasty steps striding out of your bedroom and down the hall, him peaking in several dark open doors and hallways of your ginormous mansion of a home on his wayâ the clicking of your heels and you still giggling serving as a guide for him to find you.
he sighed.
âdarling, this isnât going to change the fact that i still have to accompany youââ
kento rounded the corner and entered one of the many lounge area rooms your father used for business meetings and partnerships, your little head poking out from behind one of the large sofas with a disgruntled pouty look.
âsays who?â
âsays me.â he took the blazer from his arm and extended it, shaking it out a little and preparing to put it on. âand your father.â
you let out a tiny grumble, getting up off your knees and standing.
âbut donât you wanna go to sleep ken?â
âvery much so.â
âso then go! iâm giving you permission heh!â you chirped, sending him a striking smile. âi wonât tell my father! or anyone! you deserve a good nights restââ
âiâm going with you and thatâs final.â
you threw your head back and groaned in frustration, kento finding your tantrum a little amusing as he chuckled and shrugged on his blazer.
âyou want to go to this event, yes?â
you funnily slugged on over to his side with dragging steps, eyes to the floor.Â
âmhmâŚâ
âso then enough fighting and letâs go.â he stepped to the side and gently ushered you forward. âiâd like to be back before your father wakes up.â
you walked forward and out of the lounge room, the both of you beginning your journey down the hall and towards the grand staircase, kento following behind you as you still internally huffed and puffed about him coming along.
your refutes to kento joining you werenât because you didnât like him or anything like that⌠it was quite the opposite actually.
you were obsessed with that man.
âyou scare my friends you knowâŚâ
the side of his lip quirked.
âdo i?â
âmhm.â
âhow so sweetheart?â
âi think itâs your face.â you turned your head around and looked behind you as you walked, hands wringing behind your back with a cute grin. âitâs so serious. and it might be because youâre always staring them down whenever they hang out with me.â
kento calmly walked ahead of you and stepped down a few steps, his hand automatically coming up to assist you and you taking it as you carefully descended down the steps, a gentle act he always did for you.
he pursed his lips.Â
âiâm simply doing my job⌠but i suppose i could lay off a bit.â
you giggled. âno itâs okay ken! i agree. they just donât know you like i do.â
ever since you practically met him you were obsessedâ him being the most poised and respectful piece of hunk to ever grace your life, as kento was so unbelievably different from all of the other straight up boys in your life that deemed themselves to be men, when in reality they didnât even come close to that whatsoever.
kento nanami was the definition of a man.
and out of everything that youâve ever received on a silver platter with zero hesitation since technically birthâŚÂ you wanted him the most.
except you were convinced he wasnât obsessed with you like you were with him.
because the second kento became your bodyguard at the age of literal nineteen, there wasnât ever a moment that you remember where he wasnât with you and pulled to your side like a magnetâ guarding and watching your every move and making sure that you were out of harms way no matter what, all things that were automatic and essentially part of the job description.
but you feared that it was just that.
that kento didnât view you the way you viewed him⌠that you were just a client to him and that the reason he was always around was because he had to be, and not because he wanted to.
you feared that kento only saw you as some helpless spoiled girl who couldnât do anything for herself and therefore always needed guidance, and you also feared that because heâd known you since you were little and became your bodyguard when you were sixteen, that he still saw you as a sixteen year old and not the full grown woman that you were now.
the thought was mortifying to you.
and you wondered if kento had ever thought about you as something more than justâ a client? maybe.. maybe as a lover?
did he at least view you as a friend?
but more importantly, if he wasnât your bodyguard⌠would he stay?Â
kento assisted you down to the very last step as you shook away your thoughts, the both of you making your way out through the front glass double doors and over to his car in the open driveway, a sleek and shiny black luxury SUV that you always preferred to sit in rather than your own vehicle as his little passenger princessâ always and forever and at times putting up a fight when your father would make you drive instead of kento, spouting some nonsense about how he didnât want you to forget how to drive and become an incompetent girl.
and youâd each time just scoff and roll your eyesâ your father always looking for ways to jab scoldings at you and fuss over every choice youâd make regardless of how big or small it was, believing you to be an incompetent girl anyways and you choosing to ignore him and scowl as you moved behind kentoâs big buff frame to hide, him knowing to take over and speak for you whenever you did, as your father listened to him better than he did you ever since you were young.
kento in a way also scolded you often and fussed over your choices⌠but he was gentle. never raising his voice at you or overstepping any boundaries that made you feel like you were stupid and incapable of things, him always giving you the chance to fix it or refute with an open mind and heart to hear you out⌠and you loved kento. that was a given.
and your dramatic self deemed that the day kento yelled at you for the first time for whatever reasonâ was the day that you died.
kento smoothly smiled over what you said with closed lips and opened the car door for you, you getting in and pinching the skirt of your flowy mesh dress to readjust once you were seated, straightening it up over your legs as he rounded over and got in the drivers seat.
âi know a way you can lay off a bit so you donât scare off my friends tonight ken!â
he started the engine and flickered on the high beams, your eyes squinting at the sudden brightness ahead of you.
âand that is..?â
you grinned and leaned over the center console, placing your elbow on it and propping your chin up with your palm, him looking at you expectantly.
so handsome.
âwhy donât you stare at me instead of staring at them!â
kento breathed in as he looked away, steering around and out of the driveway while your close proximity and sweet expensive perfume wafted all around himâ filling up his every system with everything that was wonderfully you as he tried hard not to let it show.
âi believe i already do just that.â he spoke. âitâs my job to watch you darling.â
âokay then watch me harder.â
he blinked, your wording somehow twinging a sense of provocativeness when it wasnât anything like that at all, and he wanted to wash his brain out with holy water for thinking of something inappropriate like that with you.
but you leaned even closer, lips by his ear as he turned the steering wheel to make an easy left.
âyouâre supposed to have eyes only for me right?â
kento swallowed.
âiâm supposed to have eyes everywhere.â
you playfully rolled your eyes and leaned back a bit. âokay⌠but maybe for tonight, just me!â
âiâm afraid if itâs just you i wonât be able to watch for any other signs of abnormalityââ
âoh my god booo!â you huffed and plopped back down in your seat, arms crossing as you stared ahead. âyouâre no funâŚâ
kento chuckled and lifted his arm, patting your head and you blushing before he placed his hand back on the gear shift, the only thing on your mind now was how much you wanted to stuff his big fingers in your mouthâ
âthe event is still the one on melrose street, correct?â
your eyes snapped in his direction. âhuh? oh yes! yes it is.â
he pursed his lips, an uncertain look on his face as you faltered and furrowed your brows.
âwhat ken? whatâs wrong?â
âis it the same host and organization as last time?â
âummâŚâ you pulled your phone out from your purse and scrolled to the initial invite you had received through a friend, perfectly manicured nails tapping away. âuh huh! iâm pretty sure⌠how come?â
âi donât think itâd be very wise to go⌠you got extremely inebriated the last time we went.â
you snorted and waved him off. âthatâs because it was my friends birthday ken. i was celebrating!â
âyou barfed in a bush as soon as we got home.â
âpart of the experience!â
kento shook his head and sighed through his nose, a small smile on his face as he peaked over at you from the side.
ârowdy little girl.â
little girl.
and you felt an unpleasant tug at your heart, you pursing your lips and wanting to defy what he called you.
âi was fine after though, was i not?â
you suddenly grabbed his hand and dropped it down on your exposed thigh, his rough hand making contact with your skin as he accidentally jerked the steering wheel and looked at you with bewildered eyes, you only throwing your head back and laughing.
âwhat?â you spoke in between giggles. âiâm cold! and your handâs so warmââ
âhoneyââ
âyour job is to take care of me right?â you sweetly smiled, and he felt a flutter of familiar yet confusing affection swirl up in his chest at the sight. âand youâre doing just that!â
kento cleared his throat and nodded, hand staying on your thigh and you giddy on the inside as he held it.
âjust know that i have a blanket in the back in case my hand doesnât suffice.â he mentioned, pulling up to a gated community. âthe weather is a bit colder these days.â
your eyes softened, staring at the side of his chiseled jaw and face as he exchanged a few words with the security guard at the front, flashing his ID before the guard gave him the all clear and muttered something over his walkie talkie, the gates slowing sliding open as a result.
âwhy do you have a blanket in the back ken?â you asked softly and looked down, the tip of your index finger tracing over the prominent veins on the back of his hand.
âfor you.â he replied. âyou get cold frequently.â
you grinned.
âawww you remembered!ââ
you unbuckled your seatbelt, jumped up from your seat, and flung your arms around his neck and practically stuffed his cheek up against your chest as you gushed, kentoâs eyes blinking wide eyed and cheeks fucking flaring as he tried to keep steady hands on the wheel and not swerve into the garbage bins in front of the designated mansion, music already blaring through and seeping through the vents of the car as he fumbled to shift the gear into parkâ stiffening the hell out of his neck and not daring to turn his head even the slightest in your direction in fear of facing your breasts head on.
âiâ i appreciate the sentiment sweetheartââ
you pulled back a tiny bit, your arms still tightly locked around his neck but giving him enough space to turn his head to look up at you now, your twinkling hyper eyes shining even through the darkness of the car, kento almost forgetting about the close proximity between the two of you entirely, and also almost forgetting about how this wasâ regrettablyâŚÂ considered to be inappropriate.
he was your bodyguard, he was supposed to protect you, not think about the way your perfect smile right now was so incredibly soul crushing and doing it in just the right way tooâ suffocating his entire being as he tried hard again, in real time, to kick those disrespectful thoughts to the back of his mind and focus on what he was meant to be doing and thinking⌠all of which pertained to his guidance for you, and your safety, most of all.
but you were beautiful.Â
there was no denying that.
âyou know me best out of anyone ken.â
and he did. he truly truly did.
but to kento, you were that forbidden fruit, cast away up into the highest of branches and dangling off of the tallest most unreachable tree of allâ glimmering against the sun, magnificent⌠waiting to be picked by the person who dared to and claim it as their own without a single worry of the troubles that came with ravishing it.
but claiming and ravishing that forbidden fruit definitely came with itâs dire consequences, and kento nanami was an honorable man.Â
if he were to give in to his pulsing desires for you, desires that he couldnât even exactly make sense of as he continued to manifest total and utter blockage in his mind to prevent those thoughts from seeping through, not only would he deal with the embarrassing repercussions with your fatherâ his boss, but inevitably drag you down with him too, as he knew your father has always been rather harsh with you.
and you didnât deserve to be dragged down just because he couldnât control his emotions.
you frowned, tilting your head as you assessed kentoâs strange far off look.
âken?â you asked. âkenny ken?â
âeh?â he blinked rapidly. âoh iâm sorry y/n. i was⌠thinking.â
âthinking?âÂ
you let him go and sat back in your seat, the warmth from your arms dissipating and the goosebumps around his neck prominent now by the chilliness of the car.
âthinking about what?â you quipped, smiling again. âabout meee?â
night and day.
âiâm afraid not.â he switched off the ignition and held the keys in his hand. âmore about how you should be at home and in bed and most definitely not here.â
you pouted, slumping in your seat as you watched him get out of the car and walk over to your side, opening your door for you and offering a hand for you to take.
âbut ken iâm helping a friend.â you took his hand and carefully stepped out, him closing the door behind you as you began walking up the sidewalk with kento following close behind you, the car beeping and flashing its lights to signify he had locked it.
âhoney, your friend is a grown woman.â you both walked up the steps and continued down the long wide driveway, other guests traveling alongside you towards the mansion. âshe doesnât need moral support from you to attend an event.â
âyeah and i donât need a bodyguard for every little thing i do, do i?â you countered, slowing down your steps a little and nudging your shoulder with his. âhm?â
he gave you a deadpanned look.
âactually, you do.â
you scoffed. âno i do not.â
the two of you entered through the grand entranceâ doors already open and with a set of security guards on each side as you passed them, kentoâs already alert senses amplified now that you both were in an unpredictable loud environment such as this, and with way too many people for kento to keep track of besides yourself as he scanned the area, ticking the usual and automatic tiny boxes in his head that indicated the area was alright for the time being.
âif my friend is such a grown woman, then so am i!â you yelled over the music as you walked through the mansion to get to the pool area outside, passing by several caterers and butlers with small appetizer dishes on silver trays or champagne glasses, you taking one as your gaze switched between person to person to see if you could try and find anyone you recognized.
kento shook his head a little.
contrary to your popular belief, you never acted like a grown woman sometimesâ constantly rebellious and spontaneous with no hesitations to do anything remotely reckless⌠and that worried him to absolutely no end as he was living in constant stress over something happening to youâ something that he could easily prevent and steer you away from because thatâs what he was fucking there for.
but you were always against it, and he didnât know why when it was simply just protection.
upon entering the pool area, your eyes lit up at the rowdy scene before youâ party guests jumping into the pool in full fledged clothing or throwing each other in, the bar at the end of the backyard lively and busy with multiple individuals already drunk off of their minds as they clumsily passed by you and nearly tumbled you over, kento each time quick to grab your shoulders and gently pull you away so theyâd just about miss you and continue on.
and the minute he caught sight of your group of friends off to the side of the bubbling jacuzzi right before you did, every single one of them already inebriated and rambunctious, he knew he was in for a night of chasing you around and getting you to sober up a little to refrain yourself from running across the lawn in only your undergarments like the last party you both attended.
ây/n! hi!â one of your friends slightly slurred, the one with the âcrisisâ, reaching behind her to grab a red solo cup of god knows what and passing it to you. âhere! i just got some from the kitchen!â
âwhat is it?â you laughed, on the verge of placing the brim to your lips when kento suddenly nudged you, gently prying it away from your fingers and lifting it up to his nose for inspection, you playfully rolling your eyes as you turned back to your friend.
âdunno!â she shrugged, flashing you a wobbly grin. âitâs a mix of tequila aaandddâŚÂ cranberry tonic! yeah!â
âsmells awfully strong.â kento muttered in your ear, passing the cup back to you. âjust moderate your intake.â
âokay dad.â you mocked, the little side smile on your face never failing to deactivate any further scoldings from him about how you shouldnât drink that mix and maybe get something else, him deciding to just let you have fun regardless of the work he was about to be put through⌠as it was hard for kento to say no to you at times anyways.
you brought the rim back to your lips and took a sip, your face immediately scrunching up and gagging.
âthe fuck is this?â you placed a hand over your mouth. âtastes nothing like cranberry and just straight vodkaââ
you ended up drinking the entire cup and two more fills after that, kento each time gently advising you not to and that youâd had enough, but you only pouting and bratty and defying him with every attempt he made at pulling the drink away from you, a water bottle in hand that heâd snagged from one of the coolers as he swiftly moved through the twists and turns of the crowd to stay caught up with you, a skill he was an expert at at this point considering how often you disappeared from his line of sight.
âsweetheart pleaseââ kento caught you by the waist just as you were about to literally jump in the pool, you giggling and hiccuping as he dragged you away. âletâs take a seat for a moment alright? you need to drink water.âÂ
âwhat i need is a teeny weeny kiss from you ken!â
he faltered, eyes dropping to the ground as he continued to half drag and half carry your body to a nearby table away from the commotion by the pool, setting you down on a chair.
âyou need water.â he pushed as he knelt down on a knee in front of you, unscrewing the cap. âand iâm forbidding you from attending any events like this for a month.â
âa month?!â you whined, head dramatically falling back in desperation. âbut why? what did i do?!â
âi told you to moderate your intake.â he gently grabbed your jaw and brought the water bottle to your lips, carefully holding it up for you to drink. âyou were just about to jump in the pool darling and ruin your dress.â
lowering the bottle, your cheeks cutely puffed up with water as you shook your head side to side.
you swallowed. âlies. i was simply walking!â
he fixed the strap of your dress that was halfway sliding off, pulling it back over your shoulder.
âyes into the pool.â he brought the water bottle back to your lips and you drank some more before he lowered it again. âyou need to be more careful y/n.â
you pouted. âare you mad at me ken?â
ânot mad just quite stressedââ
âpull my dress up and spank me then.â
kento slapped a hand over his eyes and shook his head, cheeks buzzing pink at your ludicrous statement.
âdonât say things like that honey.â
âand why not?â you tilted your head, pearly white teeth glimmering against the warm lights of the backyard as he dropped his hand. âthought you loved me.â
âplease sober up.â he breathed out exhaustedly, heart hammering against his fucking chest as he made you drink water again. âbefore you say something silly againââ
you abruptly pulled back and a few droplets of water dribbled down your chin, kento quick to grab the handkerchief in his suit to pat you dry as you narrowed your eyes.
âyou think loving me is silly?â you muttered, a little slur at the end of your sentence.
âof course not darling.â he spoke softly, placing the handkerchief down on the table behind you. âthe other thing you said was sillyââ
âwhatâ spanking me?â you lit up again. âbut itâs hot. and i want it. you should do it once we get to the carââ
kento slapped a hand over your mouth this time, wide frantic eyes looking around to see if anyone had heard your loud lewd blabbering, his face absolutely fucking red at this point as he tried not to vividly imagine what you had just said⌠and pathetically failing at it too.
âenough. weâre going home. you have brunch with the monroeâs tomorrow.â
ânuh uh!â
you pulled his hand away from your mouth and gripped the edges of your chair, trying to cement yourself to it as he wrapped his arms around your body and pulled and tugged, you laughing when heâd manage to of courseâ lift you up⌠but the chair along with it as well.
âlet go please.â
ânope!â
âi said let go y/n.â
âif you give me a kiss!â
kento put you back down and sighed.
âyou are unbelievably inebriated.â
âand you are unbelievably handsome.â you cheesed as you got closer, your nose brushing against his and kentoâs breath catching in his throat, stiffening up.
âdarling you donât know what youâre sayingââ
âyes i do.â you spoke, endearingly nudging your nose softly with his and kentoâs eyes warming at the act. âyouâre gods favorite.â
hopeless hopeless girlâŚ
his eyes sinfully flickered down to your pretty lips, plushy and delightful as they perfectly stretched in such a way to form a striking smile that always sent men to their knees wherever you both went, him baring witness to it all as your bodyguard⌠and him includedâ falling to his knees over you.
for kento was just as hopeless as you.
but he was better at ignoring it until it became this puzzling blur in his brain that confused the ever living shit out of him.
âletâs go home.â
his breath fanned against your lips and you softly shook your head.
âkiss me then weâll go.â
kentoâs forehead fell against yours, eyes closing in borderline pain as his big hands came up to cup your cheeks, your own eyes loopily widening with overactive exciting thoughts over what was about to transpire.
if he was about to kiss you⌠could this mean he didnât view you as just a client? as a little girl? but a woman?
was he considering it? did you have a chance? was he actually about to fucking kiss you?â
kento sharply breathed in and turned your head slightly to the side, planting his lips hard on your cheek and him unmoving for a moment, you still wide eyed and shocked as your cheek mushed up against the force of his mouth.
he pulled back with a smack! and stood, hand extending out for you to take.
âready now?â
your fingers slowly came up to the side of your face in a complete daze, because though it wasnât a full blown kiss, the linger of his lips was still there even after the gesture was long over, your little cheek tingling and warm.
you nodded, taking his hand and attempting to stand but reeling over as you did, your head in complete drunken disarray as kentoâs arms quickly shot out and caught you from falling face first on the ground.
âi canâtââ you giggled, hiccuping between each laugh. âi canât walk ken. and my feet hurt.â
âiâm aware.â he sighed, sitting you back down on the chair and kneeling again, grabbing your ankle.
âwhat are you doing?â you asked, watching the way he propped up your foot and tugged at the clasp on your heels, carefully sliding it off and beginning to do the same with the other.
âyouâre in pain, yes?â he slipped your other heel off and stood, placing your heels on a nearby table before positioning himself next to you, sliding a hand under your knees. âput your arms around my neck sweetheart.â
you did as told, your little heart singing happy drunken tunes over him being such a gentleman and taking care of you in the way that he was, you knowing in the morning youâd regret it and be embarrassed, but choosing to bask in the moment for the meantime and deal with the horrific hungover consequences later.
kento easily lifted you with only one fucking arm supporting you under your knees as you held on, his other hand grabbing your heels before weaving through the other tables and venturing out of the pool area, everybody else too inebriated to care or notice some big bulky man carrying you out through the backyard and inside the mansion, your head resting against his chest.
âare you alright?â he asked, taking a quick glance down at you as he reached the grand entrance to exit. âdo you feel ill?â
âno iâm okay.â you smiled. âjust thinking about the fact that youâre a cheater.â
he chuckled. âa cheater? in what way?â
kento carefully stepped down the steps and began his walk across the spacious lawn back to the car, you tightening your grip on his neck and wanting him to hold you like this forever.
âthe deal was for a kiss.â
âand i gave you one.â he softly smiled, squeezing your thigh a little in emphasis.
âon the cheek!â you retorted. âi wanted one on the mouth.â
kento blushed furiously and looked away, trying to straighten himself up as he walked down the sidewalk with you in his arms.
âyou didnât specify darling.â
âyeaahhh right.â you mumbled, watching the lights of his car flash up ahead as it unlocked by the click of kentoâs keys, him coming up to the passenger side and opening the door. âjust say youâre repulsed by me.â
he scoffed. âyouâre saying silly things again.â
âthe proof is in the pudding.â
kento carefully bent and set you down on your seat, placing your heels next to you on the floor and straightening out the skirt of your dress for you.Â
âthe proof is that youâre drunk. iâm not making any moves like that when youâre not in the correct state of mind.â
you gasped and slapped a hand over your mouth. âare you saying you would have? if i was sober? did you bring my water with you? i need to drink it right now where is itââ
âdear god i did not say that.â he closed the door and came round to the other side, an amused little smile on his lips as he got in. âand iâm sorry but i left it behind.â
âkentooo!â you whined. ânow how else are you supposed to kiss me?â
he shakily pressed the âonâ button for the ignition and looked away, your bold words and requests and moves serving as sheer torment to him as they one after the other kept being thrown at his face, him aware this is how you usually were anyways, but ten times unbelievably worse now that you were intoxicated.
and kento was growing weaker.
âiâm not supposed to do anything.â he backed out of the parking space and sped off. âand itâs nearly four in the morning y/n. you have brunch with the monroeâs at ten and youâre supposed to be up by eight.â
you groaned, head dropping back against the headrest as you crossed your arms.Â
âi never wanted to go to that in the first place.â you muttered. âthe monroeâs and their girl friends and whoever else is going are a bunch of boring bitches. all they talk about is what their daddies just bought them.â
the yearly monroe brunch was a way for you and the other daughters of your fathers various business partners to bond and maintain connections, some sort of peace treaty between them all so long as their little preppy daughters were kept satisfied and spoiled, your father forcing you to go every year and demanding you to keep friendships with them all, insisting that it would serve beneficial to him with their parents and help nourish the business even more than it already was.
you genuinely liked the monroe daughters and the rest of the girls at first, sixteen year old you seeking their validation and acceptance for years and constantly following after every little thing that they did, afraid of slipping up and landing in their rotten graces as soon as you did anything that would upset themâŚÂ until they started badmouthing kento.
after that you didnât give a fuck.Â
because anyone that was so willing as to talk bad about such a respectful and kind man as kento to you, was someone who immediately feel in your rotten graces, each and every one of them doing so the minute they started calling him weird for constantly following you around, putting him down for it and saying he should find something better to do than be your bodyguard, and that you didnât need such high class protection and deeming it unnecessary.
whether they were jealous of the fact that you had a bodyguard and they didnât was mystery to you, but ever since that day, you despised the yearly monroe brunch, you now aware of who they truly were and realized how blind you were to it just because you were seeking their validationâ wanting nothing to do with them from that point forward and begging your father to just let you skip out and that they were better off without you there anyways.
but he never listened.
kento laughed, nodding curtly over what you said. âalthough true, you still have to go honey.â
âi donât know why my father canât just piss off.â you sighed and looked out the window, cars zooming past you as he drove down the freeway. âi really donât see the point in me going.â
âyouâre an important asset.â he spoke. âall of the daughters coming together is tradition.â
âwhatâ to sit there and drink tea and eat muffins? stupidest tradition iâve ever heard ken.â
he chuckled, reaching over to pat your thigh and your cheeks going pinky as he did so, your drunken mind still somehow clearly recalling when he had his warm hand on you earlier in the car prior to the party.
he went to retract his hand and you quickly stopped him, timidly placing it back on your thigh and settling your hand over his big one, the both of you nervously avoiding eye contact and choosing not to say anything.
kento understood wholeheartedly why you hated going to the monroe brunch so much, for he wasnât particularly a fan of hearing them talk for hours about whoâd they just dumped or what theyâd just bought, and he sympathized with youâ really, your father although a man he admired for his work ethic and sought after for his approval, was unrighteously stoic with you and always dismissed your thoughts and opinions, the fact saddening kento whenever he witnessed it first hand.
âyouâll be alright.â he spoke up quietly again, noticing the way you were dozing off a little in your seat. âitâs just for brunch. you wonât have to worry about seeing them again until next year.â
âyou mean until the dinner party weâre hosting next week.â you sleepily muttered, eyes closed as both of your hands laid over his that was on your thigh, holding it almost as if you were afraid that kento would pull away, his eyes softening at the thought.
âah, thatâs right.â he pulled into your gated community, the security guard already recognizing kento and his car as he merely waved and pressed the button to open the gate, driving through once it did entirely. âi had forgotten.â
âmmm..â you hummed, and he smiled, facing the road again and turning the wheel with every curve and turn of your neighborhood, your dimly lit mansion coming into view eventually and him pulling up to park in your grandiose driveway next to you car, turning off the ignition.
you laid still and pretty in your seat, chest slowly rising and falling as you softly breathed through your nose, you in a drunken slumber as kento quietly got out of the car and went over to your side, opening your door.
âdarling.â he whispered, shuffling an arm under your knees and the other on your back. âi need to carry you up, okay? hold onto me please.â
you mumbled incoherently and did so, your arms limply wrapping around his neck as he carried you out of the car and shut the door with a push from his leg, locking his car and the little horn going off again as he hoisted you up, walking up the stone path of your driveway and up to the grand double doorsâ one of your housekeeping staff already there holding the door open for you both, them also used to your late night partying and shenanigans.
âthank you.â he whispered gratefully as he passed, and they nodded, locking up the house behind you as kento continued on up the staircase and down the spacious hallway, his dress shoes clicking against the shiny flooring and echoing across the silence as he reached your bedroom.
he carefully set you down on your bed once inside, you groggily rubbing your eyes as he stepped back and over to your large vanity, rummaging through your things and drawers while knocking a few nail polishes and perfumes overâ various clatterings and kento cursing under his breath over the noise, it making you sleepily giggle.
âwhat are you looking for ken?â you whispered, one of your eyes tiredly peeking open.
âyourâ ah⌠iâm afraid i canât remember what itâs calledââ
he gestured to his face. âyou remove your makeup with it sweetheart.â
you closed your eye again. âoh my wipes..? theyâre in the bottom drawer to your left.â
he opened the corresponding drawer and reached in, taking out your makeup remover wipes and walking back over to you, peeling open the packing and sliding an individual white wipe out, you lifting a hand out to grab it but stopping once he moved it away from you.
you drowsily looked up at him, about to speak until he took your chin in between his fingers and tilted you up, him bending a bit and lifting his hand to wipe off your makeup, delicately removing it with precision as you tiredly let a small smile grow on your lips.
âi can do it ken itâs okay.â
he shook his head, you closing your eyes as he wiped off your mascara. âoh itâs alright youâre exhausted⌠and iâve seen you do it quite a few times.â
you peaked your other eye open, his handsome face so unforgettable against the moonlight streaming through your balcony doors that your little sleepy heart started gushing over literally just who he was, your head leaning into his touch.
âkayâŚâ
he finished wiping the rest of it off after a minute, tossing it into your little bin under your vanity desk before walking over to your walk-in closet and disappearing for a few moments, coming back out with one of your silk baby blue pajama sets in hand, offering it out to you.
âchange please.â you sluggishly took the set from him and nodded. âiâll be just outsideââ
âno itâs okay.â you stood and reached for the hem of your dress. âyou can stayââ
you pulled up your dress with no fucks given and kentoâs eyes bulged open, immediately slapping a hand over his eyes and spinning around with his heart thumping on overdrive, the image of your perfect body adorned with a lacy white bra and panties a hard one to try andâ unfortunatelyâ forget for the sake of respecting your privacy and the most intimate parts of yourself.
you giggled and kento shook his head in desperation, placing a hand on his hip.
âdonât do things like that honey.â he scolded gently, a hand still over his eyes as you changed. âat least wait until i avert my attentionââ
âyou donât wanna see?â you pouted, finishing by buttoning up your top and tugging at the sleeve of his suit for him to turn around. âitâs all for you ken.â
forâ forâ
oh dear god help him.
âitâs time to sleep.â he reached around you and pulled back the covers of your bed, you whining. âcome on you have brunch with the monroeâsââ
you grumbled and climbed on, dropping yourself on the mattress and shuffling under your various fluffy blankets and sheets, him helping you in pulling them over you until they were settled comfortably by your chest.
âkento.â
âhm?â he hummed, still fiddling with your blankets and basically tucking you in, you finding it incredibly sweet.
âthank you for always taking care of me.â
he stopped, eyes flickering to yours before a soft close lipped smile spread across his face.
âof course darling.â he patted your head. âitâs what iâm here for.â
you knew what he was actually supposed to be there for was only for your protectionâ to only clock in when you went to events and clock out the second said event was over and done with and you were back home safe and sound.
except kento clocked in the moment your eyes opened for the day, and clocked out as soon as they closed again at night, him by your side through everything in your life and not just for special events, but making sure you had had enough to eat and that you werenât sick after you spent the day out without a jacket (much to his pestering), that you finished your homework when you were in school and helped you with it as best as he could, and that he was your shoulder to cry on whenever your father yelled at you over something idiotic againâ all in all taking care of you like you thought a lover would do for their most treasured thing.
and you hoped you were kentoâs most treasured thing.
he was yours, after all.
âi like when you call me darling.â you murmured softly. âand honey. and sweetheart.â
kento swallowed and blushed, thankful that it was sort of dark in your room and that you couldnât see how pink in the face he actually was over something so minimal.
âiâm glad.â he replied. âyouâd let me know if it ever makes you uncomfortable correct?â
you quickly shook your head. âit never makes me uncomfortable ken⌠ever.â
he nodded, smiling in satisfaction.
âyou know what does make me uncomfortable?â
he faltered, brows furrowing in concern.
âwhat honey?â
âthe fact that you still havenât kissed me on the lipsââ
he sharply breathed in and leaned back to stand upright, you giggling and protesting as you flung your arms around his neck before he could, bringing him roughly back down to you and basically pulling him on top of you as kento let out a little oof at the force.
he planted his palms flat on your mattress, trying to lift himself up a bit but unable to due to the astronomical grip you had on him.
ây/n iâm crushing you let meââ
âso?â
âyou wonât be able to properly breatheââ
âand? this is the way to go!â
kento laughed into your neck then, managing to lift himself up at least a little bit  to look at you.
âsilly girl.â he murmured, and you grinned.
how stunning.
his eyes dangerously switched to your lips, and you noticed this, your heart skipping a small beat in your chest.
âken.â
âyes?â
âwhat do you view me as.â
his gaze shifted and locked with yours, his brows pinching together.
âwhat do you mean honey?â
âlikeââ you pursed your lips, looking away to the side in embarrassment. âdo you see me as just⌠a client? or just a friend? or like a little girl who doesnât know how to do anything? or spoiled?â
âa client?â he repeated. ânot at all thatâsâ an awfully wrong term for what you are.â
your head snapped in his direction.
âreally?â
he sat up, sitting himself down on the edge of your bed next to you and you scooching over.
âyou are spoiled.â he continued, chuckling once he saw the hopeful expression on your face fall and turn sour. âbut it doesnât mean that youâre incapable of doing things⌠iâve never once thought of you as such.â
you hummed in acknowledgement, relieved a little.
âdo you see me as a woman?â you asked softly.
he looked at you confusedly.
âwellâ of course. thatâs what you are, arenât you?â
âno i meanââ you sighed, struggling to get the words out as a blush rose to your cheeks. âlike a woman. like the kind that makes you want toâŚâ
you faltered, and he waited patiently for you to continue.
âlike the kind of woman youâd want to kiss and things⌠likeâ like the kind youâd see yourself falling in love with⌠or am i justâ a friend?â
kento froze.
were you still drunk?
âsweetheart itâs not wise to talk about things like this when youâre inebriated please restââ
âiâm not!â you frantically shook your head. âi sobered up a long time agoâŚâ
dear god.
he canât answer your question. he canât answer your question without straight up lying to you just so he can keep that boundary of respect he had for you and your father, to keep the vow kento had with him as your protector, as your guideâŚ
but kento nanami wasnât a liar.
and kento nanami loved youâ a feeling he had idiotically mistaken for confusion when it was actually the plain and utter truth, for what he felt for you was clearer than anything else in his life, and absolutely nothing about it was ever confusing like he swore up and down before that it was.
heâd knownâŚ. heâd always known. and thatâs perhaps why he took the bodyguard position in the first place without a fret to your father.
to stay by your side.Â
to make sure you were safe⌠with him.
but did he dare?⌠did he dare to take the pretty forbidden fruit he had tried so hard for years to stay clear from? to leave it glimmering and healthy to flourish on its own no matter how badly he wanted to harvest it and claim for himself?
âiââ
he hesitated, your beady doe eyes looking at him so hopefully that it clenched his heart without mercy.
âi love youâŚâ he spoke softly. âbut i donât think you being with me would do you justice.â
you blinked, unsure if you should take that positively or negativelyâ
âbut i love you still⌠you know that.â
you looked at him.
âbut love in what way?â you responded.
because love you in the way of a friend or family member sure, and you knew kento did at least that much and wouldnât have spent so much time with you since the ages of eleven and fourteen if otherwise.
but did he love you?
âlove⌠in the way that makes me want to kiss you.â he tugged at the watch on his wrist, referencing to what you had said before. âand love in the way that makes me want to give everything i have to you honey.â
because he has. heâs been.
âreally?â you whispered, the wind completely knocked out of your lungs as he picked up his head to look at you, nodding.
kento opened his arms out for you then and you slowly pushed the covers off of you, crawling over and extending your arms to wrap around his abdomen, his around your shoulders while you tucked your face into his chest.
âbut i donât think you being with me would do you justice my loveâŚâ he repeated, and you frowned, already feeling your bottom lip wobble.
âwhy?â
âi have too much respect for you and your father.â he explained, caressing your hair through his fingers. âand i feel that iâm taking advantage of my position by being with you always⌠that iâm not giving you a chance to know what itâs like to be with someone elseââ
âi donât want anyone else.â you cut him off. âi donât need to explore to figure that out ken.â
you looked up at him, cheek mushed up against him. âyouâre with me always too⌠do you need a chance to know what itâs like to be with someone else?â
âno.â he shook his head. âno i absolutely do not.â
you giggled softly. âsee? then why would i need one?â
he stared down at you softly, a warm smile that could kill millions if he so let it on his face, and you blushed.Â
âi guess youâre right sweetheart.â
kento continued to run his big fingers through your hair, you dozing off a little at the soothing feeling.
âi donât think your father will be very happy knowing i love you.â
you grumbled. âwho cares what that old fart thinksââ
he snorted, lightly tapping your shoulder in a form of scolding, you laughing and holding him tighter.
âhe doesnât have to know for nowâŚâ you murmured. âand honestly i didnât even know you loved me so i think weâre okayââ
âiâm sorry?â he blinked. âi thought i made it somewhat⌠clear?â
âno!â you countered. âyou rejected every move i made ken⌠you had me basically begging for you.â
his brows pinched in guilt. âiâm sorry my love⌠i was doing it more for you than for me iâ ⌠i didnât have any ill intent behind it.â
âitâs okay ken.â you smiled cutely, pulling back and propping yourself up by your palms on your mattress, leaning and planting a sweet kiss to his cheek. âthough you couldâve just told me you had a begging kink i wouldâve understood and begged you to put your fingers in myââ
kentoâs eyes widened and he shut you up with a hand over your mouth, your muffled giggles seeping through as he shook his head.
âyou have the most vulgar mouth.â
you took his wrist and brought it away, your lips coming next to his ear.
âdo something about it then.â
he stilled.
âor do you want me to say what other things i want you to do to me?â
âenough you need to restââ he placed his hands on your waist with the intent to pull you back and lay you down to sleep⌠but he just couldnât do it, his grip shakily tightening instead.
âwhat i needâŚâ you slid your hands agonizingly slow up his chest and around his broad shoulders, your lips brushing against his with hot steamy desperate breaths fanning across each others faces. âis to know what itâs like to have your fingers in my mouth kenâŚâ
âdarling pleaseââ
ââi wanna lick all over themââ
he respects you... dear god kento respects you heâ he couldnât possibly indulge inâ
ââso i can show you how good i can suck and choke on your cockââ
kento mushed your cheeks together with his fingers and swallowed your lips up, you letting out a little squeak of surprise as his other unoccupied arm locked around your waist and pulled you flush against him, him hungrily kissing you and gulping down your humming moans of satisfaction as you hurriedly swung a leg over his thighs, straddling him.
you disconnected from his lips and pulled back, taking his hand and bringing it up to your mouth as you pushed him down on the mattress with your unoccupied one, kento looking up at you so hot and bothered and astonished as you hovered over him, plump precious lips wrapping around his index and ring finger and sensually sliding it deeper and deeper in your mouth across your wet tongue.
âjesus sweetheartâŚâ he breathed out, eyes entirely transfixed on the way your lips closed around his fingers entirely and sucked, your head pumping slowly and you delighted over how hard he felt underneath his slacks over something as just you sucking on his fingers.
âmâgonna suck your dick.â you spoke with a mouthful of his digits, and he sat up a little.
âmy darling you donâtâ you donât have to do that itâs alrightââ
you slid his fingers out of your mouth and pouted. âbut i want to⌠unless you donât want me to? or do you prefer someone else to do itââ
âwhat? stop that.â he shook his head, reaching up to tuck some of your hair behind your ear as you snickered, his hand coming down to cup your cheek. âiâm just worried about keeping you up⌠you have to get ready in a couple of hours.â
you shrugged, giving him a little grin.
âif itâs you and your big dick keeping me up i could care less.â
you swung your thighs off of his lap and stood momentarily, dropping down to your knees and positioning yourself in between his legsâ kentoâs rounded eyes and shaky breaths making you laugh a little as you reached for the buckle of his belt, tugging the clasp open and him helping you in slipping it off before reaching in his pants, a trembling but needy hand pulling out his thick cock and slowly pumping it.
kento wouldâve never thought youâd be kneeling in between his legs and about to do something heâd only fleetingly thought of, the sinful images quickly grabbed by him before he could materialize them in his head any further and tossed in the trash without looking back, embarrassed and awkwardly flustered that heâd thought of such a thing when you were usually just sitting there on your vanity desk dolling yourself up, or simply speaking to him.
he wouldâve never thought that the questions of being something more to you than just your bodyguard, would actually actualize itself, your pretty lips beginning to wrap around the tip of his cock and all he can think about is you and how many days he spent yearning for you, confusing it for uncertainty, and lying to himself before giving in to the fact that he did love you.Â
and very much so.
to kento, it was a privilege to undergo this intimate experience given by gracious you, and he only wished he didnât push it away for so many years and dismissed your obvious attempts.
for what was happening now, was heavenly compared to the fleeting thoughts he had tossed in the trash prior⌠and your pace was rapid, your deprived little mouth that had begged for him time and time again slurping the ever living soul out of him as he clenched his jaw to keep his moans in, afraid of your father or any of the other housekeeping staff hearing what was filthily happening inside your bedroomâ his face crossed over in pleasurable shock at how messy and drooly you were all over his dick without even allowing yourself the chance to breathe as you sucked.Â
âhoneyââ he heaved, swallowing hard as he gathered your hair up into a makeshift ponytail to keep it out of your face. âsâslow down or youâll chokeââ
you didnât listen, your thighs clenching together to ease yourself a little as you sunk your mouth down and gagged, the tip of his cock lodged in the back of your throat so deliciously that he let out a string of rare curses from his lips.
you slurped back up and pulled off of his length with a pop, you sticking your tongue out and smiling too as you tapped his girthy dick on your tongue teasingly.
âbut i want to choke kenâŚâ you placed an open mouthed slutty kiss on the side. âand iâd like you to fuck my mouth too pleaseââ
âshitââ he cleared his throat, his balls feeling awfully full and heavy as you parted your lips and took him in again. âbut i could potentially harm youââ
you pulled off again. âkento i donât care just use me or iâll make youââ
he quickly gathered your soft hair again, leaned back on an elbow and shoved you back down, bucking his hips up and hitting your uvula so hard that you choked, eyes immediately watering and you moaning as he continued to buck his hips up and force you down, sloshing gurgling noises from you fueling his every being with ecstasy, throwing his head back and eyelids fluttering closed.
âyou have such a dirty mouth sweetheartâŚâ he grunted. âwhere did you learn that from? huh?â
you tried to respond, his relentless hip thrusting and filling your mouth up preventing you from getting anything out besides choking noises and spit, kento picking his head back up and looking at you with half lidded eyes.
âi hope youâre not speaking to other little dumb boys with it and teasing them the way you tease meâŚâ
you tried to shake your head no and get it across that you absolutely were notâ that you were physically repulsed by any other man making moves on you in your life because they were never him⌠but his big cock stuffing your throat was drowning out your every attempt so good that you couldnât.
âno?â a little dazed smile played at his lips, his abdomen tightening and signifying that he was about to blow his entire pent up load in your mouth. âgood honey⌠i donât want you wasting your time.â
he bucked his hips up faster and forced your head down deeper, his panting and low grumbling moans making you fucking wild as you tried your best to take all of him and suck him, tears from how many times you gagged and choked trickling down your cheeks and you not giving a single fuck and pushing through, noticing that kentoâs increased fidgeting and gasping was a signal that he was probably close.
and when you felt him loosen his grip on your hair, gently trying to pry you off so that he could cum somewhere else and not in your throat like the little gentlemen that he was, you slipped your mouth down again and held yourself firm, lips pumping up and down as you jerked him alongside, kento running a hand down the side of his cheek with eyes screwed tightly shut.
âdarling i feelââ he quickly sat up, his expensive watch glistening against the moonlight as his hand fell over his heart. âi feel my release let meââ
he pushed at your shoulders gently and you refused, continuing to suck him off and drive him to the edge until a low gutting groan left his lips, you squeaking as he suddenly went feral and pushed the back of your head down and filled your throat up with his cum, sputtering and swallowing down as much as you could while he held you there.
âchrist iâm sorryââ he let you go and you came off of him, gasping for air and with a mix of cum and drool seeping down your chin as you fell back on your ass, your chest moving erratically as you tried to catch your breath.
kento immediately stuffed his dick back in his pants and zipped it up, standing and placing his hands on your waist as he easily picked you up off the floor and sat you down next to him on the bed, concerned tumblings over your well being falling from his mouth as he moved your disheveled hair away from your face.
âhoney i canât tell you how sorry i amâŚâ he dug into his blazer for his handkerchief, your tongue lapping up the excess drool and cum from your chin as his cheeks went red over you doing that, quickly stepping in and wiping off the rest for you.
âsorry for what ken?â you hummed, your voice a little hoarse and making kento feel guiltier as he sighed, placing the handkerchief down on your nightstand.Â
âfor abusing your throat y/nâŚâ he spoke gently, ushering you to bed again as he pulled back the covers. âi wasnât letting you breatheââ
âbut i liked it.â you countered softly, crawling to your pillow and planting a tender little kiss to his cheek on your way, settling under the covers. âi asked you to use me baby⌠and you did just that! good job!â
kento playfully rolled his eyes and brought your blankets up to your chest.Â
âyes but i couldâve done it in a better way.â
âin a better way likeeeâŚ?â you grinned cheekily. âlike sex? well then you shouldâve just asked ken i can take off myââ
you sat up and began unbuttoning your top, kentoâs hands shooting out and stopping you midway as he flusteredly buttoned it back up, you laughing.
âplease sweetheart you need to rest⌠itâs nearly six in the morning.âÂ
you groaned and plopped back down on your pillow. âjust tell the monroeâs iâm sick. iâd rather be getting dicked down by you than drinking tea with themââ
âalright okay okayââ he brought the covers back up over you with an amused shy smile. âweâll talk more about it tomorrow. at the monroeâs.â
you huffed and turned your back to him, kento chuckling before leaning over and placing a delicate lingering kiss on your temple, a slow sleepy smile crossing your face as you relished in the fact that he actually loved you⌠your fear of him seeing you as nothing more than just a spoiled brat quickly dissipating from the second he uttered his bashful but yet authentic confession to you.
you had been living in absolute worry and defiance and frustrating yourself when that wasnât necessary at allâ kento was just a gentlemen, a man, and his apprehensions for indulging in something more between the two of you were very real and valid and you understood⌠but you also didnât care, your stubborn unruly (and spoiledâŚ) personality and mind wanting nothing more than just kento.
and as long as you had him by your side, you didnât care about anything else.
even when you had only gotten a total of a solid two hours of sleep before you had to wake up for brunch with the monroeâs, you didnât care about that either, because kento was the one to wake you up with a soft hand down your back and gentle murmurs that slowly eased you awake, him delivering you a warm cup of hot chocolate for the morning because he knew you werenât the biggest fan of coffee, and the brunch itself not seeming so bad too since you knew he would be there with you through the entire thing.
your newest biggest fear now though⌠was what your father would say once you told him.Â
âare these alright for your hair miss y/n?â
you stopped applying your eyeshadow for a moment and turned your body from your bench seat, a tray of cute shiny pearled up bobby pins that you had requested a week prior sitting neat and ready for you, you looking up and smiling sweetly at your housekeeping staff.
âoh yes! these are beautiful thank you!â
she nodded. âdo you need help putting these in? or are you okay?â
âiâm okay! if anything iâll just ask kento hehe.â
she laughed softly, nodding again before placing the little tray down next to you on your vanity desk and turning to leave, passing by none other than kento on her way as he peaked through your door, giving your housekeeping staff a polite smile and allowing her to pass through first, making his way inside your bedroom once she left.
a cup of misty tea was carefully placed next to you on your desk, and you moved your eyeshadow brush away from your face again to see kento looking down at you with a kind grin, you instantly brightening up and scooching down on your seat to give him a little room to sit with you.
âyou didnât have to bring me this ken you gave me hot chocolate this morning!â
your voice was still a bit hoarse, and thatâs precisely why he brought you hot tea to begin with, sighing softly through his nose as he sat down on the other side of your bench next to you.
âitâs for your throat honey.â you continued to buff out your eyeshadow, putting your brush away upon finishing and reaching up to fiddle with your bun, taking a few strands out for a more candid look. âhow do you feel?â
âhorny.â
kento went into a coughing fit and you laughed, his reactions to your ludicrousy always being a favorite of yours as you pecked his cheek in apology.
âsorry sorryââ you wiped the gloss you got on him off of his chiseled cheek, picking up your little tea cup after and taking a sip. âi mean itâs true i want your dick inside of me butââ
âdarling.â
âokay!â you set your tea cup down, grumpily took some of your pearl bobby pins from the tray and started sticking them in your hair. âjust say you donât want to have sex with me itâs fineââ
âthat is not what iâm saying whatsoeverââ
âyou refused to have sex with me last night and youâre doing it again right now mph!ââ
he clasped a big hand over your mouth and pulled your head in, bringing his lips to your ear.
âthere is nothing more i want than to be inside of you and split your warm little cunt open.â
your eyes blew out in shock.
âso enough or you wonât get anything.â
he turned your head to make you look at him directly.
âunderstood?â
you quickly nodded and he lowered his hand, grabbing one of yours and kissing the back of it before standing and walking to the door.
âyour father wants you in the car with me in twenty minutes sweetheart. iâll wait for you there.â
you watched him click the door shut behind him and you spun your head back around to face the mirror, shakily moving some strands away and quickly fanning yourself in attempts at calming the fuck down, completely thrown off course on what you were supposed to do next in your routine as you couldnât even remember what you had just done.
because kento had a secret feral mouth that you had no idea of until nowâŚ
and you wanted to hear it again.
eventually you gathered yourself up and finished putting the rest of your bobby pin pearls in your hair, shuffling around in your room looking for your chiffon scarf and breathing out a sigh of relief once you caught sight of its pastel yellow fabric, it matching your summery dress and peeking from your bed as you snatched it and looped it around your upper arms, the fabric falling gracefully in a low curve behind you as you grabbed your clutch and made your way out the door.
you didnât know what energy to exactly expect from the car ride as you trotted down your staircase and out to his car, but you were nonetheless still surprised to see that kento carried on like he didnât just mutter in your ear that he wanted to rearrange your guts and for you to behave, you blinking at him and perplexed when he just went on about what things to pay attention to that the girls say because he knew your father would ask you about that certain topic later, not wanting you to get in trouble and an earful if you werenât able to answer his questions about it.
and you were still perplexed upon arriving at the monroeâs estateâ their place of living the only thing you really liked about the yearly brunches, as they lived in what looked like a fucking english regency palace instead of the plain modernized mansions you were accustomed to (including yoursâŚ), and you couldnât help but feel a little jealous each year of the wonderful labyrinth the monroeâs had, an endless place of history and poise that your own home very much lacked.
but as beautiful as their estate was, it still didnât make up for the absolute bitches that lived in it.
âken if you turn this car around right now i will do absolutely anything you say and not go to any parties for two months instead of just oneââ
he chuckled loudly and shook his head, rounding their grand water fountain that sat extravagantly in the center of their lawn outside, other sleek cars already parked in the front.Â
âitâs just for a couple of hours honey.â he parked the car and turned off the ignition, unbuckling his seatbelt. âjust indulge in their conversations for a while⌠and listen please. your father will ask about it later.â
kento shut the door as you unbuckled your seatbelt, him opening yours on the other side while offering a hand out for you to take, you gratefully doing so with a stoic dead look on your face as you kept your eyes locked to the grabble below.
âthey donât even like me.â you muttered, flashing a polite smile to the housekeeping staff that was waiting up ahead, walking up the steps. âthe monroeâs and their girl friends donât even like each other theyâre all just a bunch of fakeââ
ây/n!â
both of your heads shot up just as you entered the estate, the eldest of the monroe sisters trodding up to you with a smile.
âitâs good to see you!â her eyes shifted to kento. âand with nanami. of course.â
bitch.
âmhm! yup!â you exchanged polite hugs and stepped back. âare the rest of the girls here?â
âyes they just got here actually! theyâre all out in the garden with my sisters i was just heading there now!â
âgreat! iâll see myself then, you go on ahead.â you tightly smiled, and she shrugged, bidding you a âsee you laterâ before disappearing off into the depths of her home, you slowly turning around with a stressed out twitch in your eye but faltering when kento wasnât behind you like you thought he was.
you spun around as your tried to look for him, gaze scanning the area to find him and stopping once you did, your brows furrowing in confusion upon seeing him at the other side of the corridor staring at something.
you slowly began walking down, eyes locked on what he was looking at and it making you stop in your tracks next to him once you got close enough to see.
the wall in front of you was littered with wedding photos of the monroe sisters parents and the generations beforeâ the ceremony, cake cutting, pictures of their first dance, and singular portraits of various brides and grooms on their wedding days scattered about with smiles on their faces, all things kento was just staring at without any indication in his expression that could let you know as to what was going on in his head.
âken?â you asked softly, and he looked to you.
âoh iâm sorry.â he glanced at his watch. âare you ready to head out into the garden?â
âyâyeahâŚâ your eyes switched back to the wall ahead.
âyou were looking at their wedding photos?â you smiled. âtheyâre cute huh? i look at them too every time we come.â
he nodded, placing a hand on your lower back to lead you away from the wall and towards the garden again.Â
âi was only curious.â he spoke. âthereâs an awful large amount of them.â
you snorted in agreement and continued walking, feeling like there was something he was thinking about and not telling youâ you looking to the garden entrance ahead then deciding to take a peek at kento again through the corner of your eye, you suddenly finding him looking over his shoulder at the portraits still.
and your eyes softened.
you slowed down and reached up, gently turning his head from the portraits to you.
âwhatâs wrong ken?â you looked over at the wall and back to him. âwhy do you keep looking at the pictures?â
âohâ i didnât realize.â he readjusted his yellow lensed sunglasses and continued ushering you on with a hand on your back.Â
you frowned.
âken you wouldnât look at something for that long without any reasoning behind itâŚâ
âitâs truly nothing.â he responded simply, the both of you entering the garden now and drawing nearer to the long table set up amidst a bed of roses and daisies, the rest of the girls beginning to take their seats. âenjoy your brunch darling.â
âno! butââ
âitâs alright go say helloââ
âiâd rather actually rotââ
âhello y/n!â
you stopped fidgeting and dropped your arms, another tight smile on your face as you greeted the youngest monroe sister from the table, deciding to ignore kentoâs chuckling from behind you and walk up, taking a seat with the rest of them and looking over the extravagantly set up table for anything to stuff your face withâ it filled with little pastries and appetizers from top to bottom, a pretty strawberry shortcake cake in the middle surrounded by a tier of cupcakes and scones, little baked sandwich platters, and a porcelain tea cup set at each of your designated seats to enjoy.
you lightened up a little over all of the cute details and selections, forgetting that the monroeâs always knew how to put on a lovely brunch for all of you every year as you extended an arm, grabbing the nearest tea pot and carefully pouring the steaming liquid in your cup.
âgirls! just the other day my father bought me another set of those diamond jewels from the franziskaâs!â
thatâs why youâd always forget.
the rest of them gushed and looked around the table to the eldest monroe, her neck clad in a pretty diamond necklace with matching earrings and rings.
âi know right? i had lost my previous set while swimming in the lake and my staff couldnât find them.â
âoh that happened to me once.â one of their girlfriends piped up. âit was an exclusive emerald set from europe⌠only one in the entire world made!â
the rest of the girls gasped and murmured.
âi had my staff looking in the lake all day and night for three days until one of them finally found it!â
âoh thank god!â the middle monroe sister breathed out. âi wouldâve absolutely hated to lose those! especially since theyâre a one of a kind!â
âmhm yup! and you know what else actually? just the other day i found out francisâ you know the girl from the faltis family?â
the girls faces turned knowing and they eagerly nodded.
âi found out she was asking up and down various jewelry shops and makers for my emerald set!â
they all gasped.
âyouâre kidding!â
âno! the girl either wanted to copy me or make the same exact set to still copy me.â
âoh! that sleazyââ
you completely tuned them out beyond this point, your brain literally pulsing with the stupidest shit you had ever come across to hearing in your life, choosing to sit there and enjoy the weather and pretty cherry blossoms around you as you ate a cranberry scone and thought about the things you wanted to do for the weekend.
itâs not like you were a total opposite from the rest of the girls.
you too liked jewels and pretty things, luxury branded vehicles and a little bit of gossip here and there.
but it was the way they talked about it and handled each thing was what aggravated you the most.
they were ungrateful, greedy, and bitchyâ no other girl that was a loose connection from them allowed to have the same jewelry set as theirs, the same set of friends as theirs, or the same set of dresses for your monthly bashes and dinner parties as theirs, turning utterly nasty if they so even got a glance of someone else having the same thing as them.
all things that were pointless and unrighteous to be upset about.
and just for the sake of keeping your father from putting your head on a stick, you remained civil with them and refrained from wearing anything similar to theirs at an event if you knew they would be in attendance.
but it was easy, for your taste was completely different than the lot of them, and you preferred pearls anyway over any kind of diamond or emerald or sapphire jewel piece.
âoh! and you know what i heard?â another girl friend spoke up. âakio from the corvus family has a little crush on miss y/n over there!â
kentoâs ears perked up.
you jumped upon hearing your name, the rest of the girls gushing and âooingâ as they turned their attention to you.
âiâm sorry what? who?â
âakio!â she laughed. âthat man is obsessed with you! he asks for you at every single gathering.â
akio?Â
akio⌠akioâŚ
âthe one that looks like a toad?â
the girls laughed at your comment, covering their mouths or learning forward as you just blinked at them, unaware of how what you said was so funny.
âoh youâre too much!â the youngest monroe waved you off. âyes him! any time he sees any of us at an event he always asks if youâre there with us.â
âyou know what yes!â the eldest exclaimed. âi heard he wanted to strike up a proposal with your father! i think he already did!â
you dropped the cupcake you were holding.
and kento froze.
âaâ aâ propoââ
âoh my god congratulations y/n!â
âlucky you!â
âoh a bride already!ââ
you turned in your seat to look at kento, but he was looking the other way, an unreadable expression on his face.
you turned back to the girls.
âis this a rumor or itâs actually happening?â you asked. âi donât want to get married to him!â
they laughed again.
âwhy not?! yes heâs ugly but that man is loaded. has money to last him and you entirely without having to work a day in your lives!â
your blood ran cold, because anything you knew that was ordered by your father, was bible.
a housekeeping kitchen staff came around then and refilled a few platters of pastries and appetizers.
âahh youâre so fortunate y/n!â one of the girl friends gushed. âiâd love to be wed to a man with money like akio⌠i could care less what he looks like!â
âyou can have him.â you quickly sputtered, and they laughed again. âno seriously i donât want him take him pleaseââ
âoh donât be silly!â the youngest monroe sister waved you off. âakio wants you. heâs kind of creepy about it too.â
âwhy me?!â you whined. âiâve only spoken to him a handful of timesââ
âwhy donât you ask him at the dinner party youâre hosting next week? iâm pretty sure heâs going!â another girl friend spoke up. âi have a feeling heâs gonna propose to you there.â
you propped your elbow up on the table and placed a hand on your forehead in misery, feeling like you were living in a total nightmare.
âiâd honestly rather go broke.â
they all burst out laughing again.
what the hell was so funny?
âyouâre too much!â the middle monroe sister gasped. âjust give him a chance! once you see all the things he can buy for you, youâll change your mind. plus⌠i think itâd be nice to have a break from mr. nanami donât you think?â
you picked your head up.
ââŚkento?â
âuh huh!â the eldest continued. âgod that must be exhausting having him around watching over you like that⌠itâs like heâs babysitting you. must be tiresome for him too.â
babysitting?
âwith you and akioâs marriage iâm sure heâll dismiss nanamiâs services, and you can go your separate ways finally!â
âbutââ
âand mr. nanami sure is handsome too.â another girl piped up with a hushed voice. âheâll find a rich girl to settle down with in no timeââ
âoh thatâd be so great!ââ
you abruptly stood, the silverware and tea cups clattering as you did so, the rest of them falling silent.
âsorry. excuse me.â you mumbled, eyes casted downward as you moved around your chair and off to the side, the girls shrugging and uncaring as they proceeded to babble on about other nonsense as you walked ahead, further and further away from the table and the chattering and through the garden, passing by several other flower beds of orchards and sunflowers until you reached the little duck pond by the end of the garden.
you stopped and sighed, bitterly crossing your arms and damning your father for ever discussing something as serious as marriage without your consent, marrying you off basically, or even lacking giving you a god damn warning before you came to brunch todayâ you and your father both knowing how much of a blabber mouth all of the girls were and how much they fed off of gossip like that.
you felt like a fucking idiot.
and who the hell was akio exactly? you knew of him and kind of had an idea of what he looked like, but you never really paid attention whenever he came up to talk to you at events or parties, his face almost entirely blurry in your mind besides the obvious features he had that did in fact make him look like a damn toad.
and another thing that was obvious too, was how creepy he was.
the only thing the monroeâs shit talking got right.
âhoney?â
you didnât need to turn around to know who it was.
âhi ken.â
the rustling of grass filled the otherwise peaceful ambience as he stepped beside you, the both of you looking out ahead over the sparkling duck pond.
âare you alright?â
you nodded.
âi know youâre not alright i can see it.â he readjusted his lenses. âiâm assuming it has to do with the information the monroeâs told you?â
âiâm being married off ken.â you mumbled, eyes switching to him. âhow are you so calm about this?â
âoh iâm not.â he spoke simply. âiâm quite agitated actually.â
you faltered, eyes falling down.
âiâve always respected your father ever since we were young. and every choice he made with you i always agreed that it was what was best for you.â
you listened.
âbut i canâtââ he paused. â⌠i canât see how this is best for you. and i donât know if itâs because i love you and iâm being selfish or if it actually is whatâs best for you⌠so my thinking isâ adhered.â
âhow can marrying me off like the fucking renaissance period be whatâs best for me?â you muttered, and he chuckled softly.
âand i love you, kento.â you continued. âmy thinkingâs also messed up.â
he placed a hand on your lower back and gently nudged you to him, you complying and falling into his side, wrapping your arms around him.
âitâs your choice y/n.â he spoke softly. âi know akio isnât⌠the greatest. but heâs qualified to be your husband.â
your eyes widened.
âwhat are you saying? what aboutâ what about you?â
he looked down, a sad smile on his face.
âiâll stay for as long as you need me sweetheart.â
the ducks fluttering wings from the pond ahead filled the silence, tranquil splashes of water that followed after their every move with little quacks and hoots.
âso youâre just gonna give me away.â you mumbled. âjust like that. easy peasy. who caresââ
ânoââ
âi want you to be my husband ken.â
he gave you a deadpanned look.
âdarling donât joke about things like thatââ
âoh iâm not joking.â you separated from him, frustration swirling in your chest. âwhy is it always considered a joke to you when i talk about being with you?â
he paused, sighing a little through his nose.
âi feel incredibly lucky that a woman like you could envision a life with me.â he spoke. âbut iâm also aware that iâm very⌠boring. iâd feel it wrong to tie you down to a life without excitement like the one you live now.â
kento slipped an arm around your waist and brought you back in again.
âakio seems to be more like you⌠maybe you could learn to get along.â
your lip began to wobble, and kentoâs eyes softened.Â
âsweetheaââ
âi donât care about any of that stuff.â you sniffled, wiping your cheeks. âyou of all people should know thisââ
âdonât cry please youâll ruin your hard workââ
kento dug into his blazer and pulled out a little handkerchief, carefully patting down your face.
âyes i like to go out a lot but so what? itâs not something thatâs a part of me itâs just something i like to do.â
you took the handkerchief from him and pressed it into the corner of your eye.Â
âyouâre a part of me ken⌠and i want a life with you, iâve known since i was freaking sixteen. i donât need it spelled out for me.â
kento swallowed.
heâd always admired how stubborn you were, because to him it meant a strong mind and an ambitious drive in contrast to the negative connotation that that word seemed to haveâ things that were absolutely who you were and why he fell in love with you in the first place, and why you were such a gem.
but he worried still that youâd regret it and change your mind.
that he wouldnât be able to live up to your lifestyle and your wants and needs, and that youâd get bored of him⌠leaving in the end.
kento doesnât think he could bare the thought of you leaving him, much like how he couldnât bare the thought of you marrying akio either.
but if it meant what was best for you, then so be it⌠except it wasnât.Â
he was sure of it.
âyouâre a part of me as well.â he murmured. âiâm sure you know thatââ
âi donât.â you grumbled, and he chuckled. âyouâre always switching up on me with your rejections and then your confessions iâm confusedââ
kento silenced you with a kiss to your lips, his big hands on either sides of your face as your eyes fluttered closed and you leaned into his built frame, your arms snaking around his neck and his bringing you closer by the waist as you tenderly deepened the kissâ soft lips smacking and moving with such love that it almost made you cry again.
âiâm sorry.â he pulled back, whispering against your lips. âitâs completely unfair to youââ
âsâokay ken.â you whispered back, the cutest smile he had even seen in his life on your face. âiâll forgive you if you keep kissing me.â
âdeal.â
your lips mushed up against each others once more, kento breathing you in and relishing in the feeling of your body pressed up against his, his hands slowly roaming around from your waist to your sidesâ still trying to be respectful of his hand placement until you took one of them and lowered it to your ass cheek with a squeeze, him laughing against your lips.
you were so silly.
silly and bright and spontaneous and beautiful, today another reminder from countless others with your frilly pastel yellow sundress and the pearls in your hair, your entity different from the rest of the women heâd come to know and thankful that he was lucky enough to have grown with you.
to have protected you.Â
and the both of you were relieved to see that the monroe sisters and their girl friends didnât seem to care where you two had ventured off to, for you didnât know how long you were gone either as you approached the table againâ the dessert piles, scones, and strawberry shortcake cake nearly nonexistent, you taking a seat again and secretly reapplying your lipgloss since kento had basically sucked it off of your face, your cheeks pinky and the butterflies in your stomach running rampant.
you were glad then that the monroeâs and their minions were such dim witted bitches too, because their level of self-absorption inhibited them from knowing or picking up on any clues of what could have transpired between you and kento in the garden, them immediately going to you upon arrival and chatting up a storm about mindless things again like you had never left the table to begin with.
but all you could think about was what you were going to tell you father about akio.
and you didnât want to think about it honestly⌠because you knew there was a strong chance of you getting literally violent and landing yourself in deeper shit with him than ever before.
that didnât matter either though if it meant being with kento⌠and for real this time. the thought of simply just him giving you the push that you needed to trudge up your grand staircase once you got home from brunch, kento trailing behind you and pleading with you to take a little breather before going in to speak with your father, but you absolutely done over the situation seeing as he only ever saw you as a thing and not his daughter if he was willing to marry you off like that.
âmy love please relaxââ
you stopped in front of your fathers study and knocked curtly, ignoring kentoâs words.
âcome in.â
you pushed down the handle and walked through, kento following close behind you and clicking the door closed as you stepped to the front of your fathers desk, your arms crossed.
âah y/n. nanami.â he looked up from his documents, eyes switching between the two of you. âhow was brunch with the monroeâs?â
âgood.â you replied.
âwas the food selection still as grandiose as always?â he looked back down at his paperwork.
âmhm.â you crossed your arms. âthey had strawberry shortcake cake this year.â
he hummed. âthe monroeâs always know how to put on a good event donât they? for their daughters? and how are they by the wââ
âtheyâre fine.â you cut him off sharply. âbut you know what isnât fine?â
he eyed you.
âwhat?â
âthat youâre marrying me off to akioââ
he sighed loudly and placed his documents flat on his desk, leaning forward and wringing his hands together to rest on the surface.
âheâs a good prospect.â he began. âhe came up to me with some very impressive ideas about the future of my business, and also how much he was interested in you.â
you scoffed. âso this is what the arrangement is about? your business?â
âi thought you would be happy about this?â he extended his hands out lazily. âakio comes from a wealthy background. youâll be taken care of in whatever you need and heâs qualified to take over my business once the time comesââ
hurt flashed across your face.
âwhy would you consider akio taking over your business and not your daughter?â
he laughed humorously, shuffling some papers about mindlessly on his desk.
ây/n you canât possibly think that iâd consider you to take leadership over my business.â
âand why the hell not?â
his eyes narrowed.
âbecause youâre incompetent.â he spoke harshly. âyou donât know the meaning of responsibility, youâre stubborn, youâre spoiled, and all that you concern yourself with is parties and outings. you think i would allow you anywhere near my business?â
with each insult and jab that was thrown in your face, the blurrier and blurrier your vision got, you desperately trying to blink your tears back and put on a brave front, but finding it difficult when it was your own father that was dumbing you down to nothing.
âyouâre not ready for anything like this and i donât think you will ever be.â he stood up from his chair. âiâm thinking of whatâs good for you and youâre being ungrateful yet again with your complaintsââ
âsir with all due respect please try to see where sheâs coming from.â kento interjected. âiâm sure she has the future of your business in her best interests, but marrying her off to someone she doesnât know very well is upsetting herââ
âsheâs never had any interest in the state of my business son you and i both know thatââ
âsir sheâs an extremely capable woman and independent i assure you her contribution to the business would serve prosperityââ
your father scoffed. âthere is no prosperity with her. all she brings is disorder and foolery and i appreciate you trying to vouch for her butââ
âplease if youâd just give her a chanceââ
âiâd give you more of a chance over herââ
âthen give the company to kento!â you yelled, the both of them snapping their heads to you and kentoâs eyes widening. âi could care less what you think of me everything you told me isnât new fucking informationââ
âyoung lady languageââ
ââiâm not here to try and convince you to give me the business thatâs not what iâm here for.â you spat. âbut donât you dare stand there and say that iâve never cared about the state of it when thatâs bullshit.â
kento placed a hand on your shoulder and you shook it off.
âgive the company to kento.â you repeated firmly. âif you give it to akio heâll run your business to the ground and you know that.â
âand how would you know he isnât qualifiedââ
âare you kidding?â you shook your head incredulously. âakio is a little dumb boy who goes to his daddy for help any chance he gets because he canât do anything for himself. he puts on a show about how heâs this mature experienced man when heâs nothing but a joke.â
âi thought you said you barely knew him?â your father asked. âwhere is this information coming from?â
âthe monroe sisters.â you spat. âtheyâre blabbermouths and their opinions are garbage, but their gossip is always truthful.â
itâs how you found out about the arranged proposal after all.
âiâm stubborn, iâm spoiled, iâm too stupid to handle anything for myself iâm helplessâ fine. whatever you say but him?ââ
you pointed to kento.
âheâs the most qualified for this position and you and i both know that.â
ây/n noââ kento tried to interject again, but you cut him off.
âheâs seen you handle the business since he was fourteen and knows it inside and out and just as much as you do. any task youâve ever given him heâs gotten it done and more and i assure you that the business will flourish if you give it to him.â
you stepped forward, your father standing there with a neutral expression.
âbelieve it or not i care about what you worked so hard for to create, and i care about you, and regardless of what you think of me and the fact that youâve shown me the complete opposite, itâd kill me to see akio ruin all of it.â
you wiped your cheeks and continued as you turned around, making your way to the other side of your fatherâs study.Â
âkentoâs a good man. everything will be in good hands with him.â
you threw open the door and stomped out.
âand iâm not marrying akio!ââ
ây/n return at onceââ
âsir i advise you toââ
your father and kentoâs words drowned out the further down the hallway you got, tears spilling from your eyes now that you were away from it all as your heels hastily clicked against the shiny marble flooring, quiet sobs racking through your body.
you spouting repeatedly how you didnât care what your father thought about you was a complete lie.
because you very much did care⌠you always have. and no matter how hard you tried to prove to him that you were capable of more than just parties and brunches and pearls and pretty dresses and shoes and cars, it was never enough.Â
you were never enough.
ây/nââ
kento distantly burst out from your fatherâs study and quickly strode up to you, concern etched all over his face as you shook off your chiffon scarf and chucked it somewhere behind you in frustration.Â
âmy darlingââ kento picked up the long piece of fabric and continued on after you. âmy darling iâm so sorryââ
âi need to be alone ken.â you sobbed. âiâm sorry too i just need to be aloneââ
âi refuse to leaveââ
you slammed your bedroom door shut and kento picked up the pace, his eyes big in alarm at the sound of tumbling and thudding in your room as he stopped in front of your door, swinging it open to reveal you on the other side throwing your heels across the room along with several other pairs and things, your pretty pearls and jewels flying as he stood there in shock.
kento caught sight of you picking up your favorite porcelain flower vase amidst your rage to throw, him quickly stepping in and snatching it from you and fighting your thrashing as he held you to himself.
âkento stop it!ââ
he placed the vase safely on your vanity desk and spun you around, his arms grabbing your shoulders tightly as he bent down to your level.
âsweetheart breathe pleaseââÂ
he hurriedly snagged off his cream colored blazer and tossed it off to the side, leaving him in his blue button up and suspenders as he rolled up his sleeves and placed his hands back on your shoulders.
âheyâ itâs alright.â his hazel eyes frantically darted over every corner of your face, him snatching off his lenses now and tossing them. âitâs alright breathe for me y/n pleaseââ
you could only sob, your mascara stained cheeks and heartbroken expression crumbling and ripping kento to pieces as he looked at you, his hands coming up to cup and caress your wet face.
âeverything he said was the farthest thing from the truth donât let it upset you like thisââ
âno but heâs right heâs right!â you sobbed. âiâm useless i canât do shit for myself and iâd probably be off somewhere dead in a ditch if it wasnât for youââ
âdo not say things like thatââ
âkento you canât be with me.â
he faltered. âiâm sorry?â
âyou canât be with me itâs embarrassing to be with me youâre better off with someone whoâs capable and responsible like you i just bring you downââ
âstop that iâm serious i wonât ask againââ
âno kento youâre not listening!â you cried, your shoulders violently shaking. âyouâre a good man. youâre such a good man and youâre way too good for me and i donât deserve to be with you you canât keep babysitting me like thisââ
âhow could you ever possibly say these things about yourself?â he shook his head. âhow could you ever say that youâre too good for me when itâs the other way around?â
your eyes narrowed.
âno itâs not donât give me thatââ
âyour father is full of shit.â
your mouth snapped shut.
kento never badmouthed your father no matter what it was, and he also never cussed so forceful and purposeful no matter the situation.
âheâs always been too hard on you and too stoic for reasons that i will never understand nor ever agree with.â
he leaned closer.
âdo not upset yourself over the things he said any longer and do not worry about your marriage arrangement with akio.â
âkenââ
âdo not think about the pearls you just threw over your balcony do not worry about anythingâ i will take care of it.â
âiââ
âi love you and i will take care of it.â
you continued to cry, letting your body slump wholly against his as he caught you and held you tight.
âplease.. i beg you darling to believe me when i say that you are the most capable woman i know.â he spoke against your ear, his chest aching over your soft sobbing. âyouâre witty and youâre intelligent and youâve come so far simply because of who you are and the way you carry yourself. itâs a shame your father canât see that.â
âno one can see thatââ
âi can see it. everybody else can see it too and iâve been around you all my life to testify for it.âÂ
you sniffled, burying your face in his neck.
âbelieve me my loveâŚâ he ran a soothing hand down your back. âyouâre everything. youâre an asset. donât let your fatherâs words take that away.â
you sniffled a little, standing there silent as your hiccups and sobs settled down gradually, your heart beating prominently against your ribs at kentoâs sweet murmurings and affection, because though your fathers actions and decisions were bible, so were kentoâs words.
he was a good man.
âthank you.â you mumbled, and he nodded, gently guiding you to your bed to sit.
âiâll take care of you sweetheart.â he pulled back and placed a soft kiss to your lips. âi promise you.â
you smiled a little, a small warm gleam in your eyes as you sniffed and nodded.
âokay ken.â
words didnât need to be said between the two of you to know the unconditional love you both had for each other, one that was born and bred and made a fact upon your lives crossing paths through fated connections, and strengthened from the day kento decided to be your bodyguard and protect you with everything that he had.
and words didnât need to be said between the two of you as you both fell in each otherâs soft embraces either, kissing with lingering hands and bated breaths as kento delicately laid you back on your bed after a moment of soft chattering, him making sure you were okay, and scattering hungry open mouthed kisses on your jaw and neck and your body language alone with your needy whines enough of an indicator to him that you needed all of him, just as much as he needed all of you, his calloused hands undressing you and worshipping your bare body and everything that you were.
skin to skin contact that was hot to the touch, your arms that barely reached around his broad built shoulders trembling as kento made love to you that night, foreheads resting against each others as he pumped slowly and intimately in and out from inside you, your gasps catching themselves in your throat and him moaning with every thrust and snap of his hips that sent you down a ditzy fucked out road that you never wanted to back track from.
and kento treated you like a delicate little pearl all while at the same time desperately marking and bruising you up with hickeys and bites, afraid from the start that he would accidentally cross the line and hurt you due to his size, but you reassuring him with your perfect smile and pretty face while whispering sweet nothings in his ear as he filled you full, him swallowing you whole and man handling you so much to the point where he had to have you biting down on his tie to keep you quiet while he fucked you senseless.
everything about it was meaningful and cherished and nothing like youâd ever experienced before in your lifeâ a night you wanted to remember for as long as you lived and prayed that you got to repeat over and over againâŚÂ with him.
with kento and kento only.
he was the only man capable of simmering down your tears and making you feel so much better about a situation as horrid as the one that transpired, and he was the only man that was capable of getting you to listen when you didnât want to, an incredible talent in itself that spoke volumes in how much of a gentle and kind and reliable person he was⌠and you only hoped that you provided him with things of the same caliber.
and the thought of that only amplified upon you waking up to find that kento wasnât next to you in your bed the next morning⌠when you clearly remembered falling asleep in his big arms the night before.
you slowly sat up, one tired eye peeking over at the vacant spot next you and around the room, finding nothing and honestly feeling a little down about his disappearance as you groggily got out of bed.
maybe he went to eat breakfast? or get a cup of coffee?
you continued on anyways with your morning and freshened up for the day, your legs nearly giving out and sore in the shower due to the pounding he gave youâ skin tender and purple under the running water and you loving every mark, shrugging and getting ready quicker than normal so you could finally see kento downstairs to share a little smooch or two with him.
you zoomed through styling your hair and doing your makeup before spritzing a bit of perfume, not bothering to locate your phone before you opened the door to your bedroom and stepped out, bidding your usual good mornings to your housekeeping staff as you skipped down the grand staircase and over to the kitchen, a place he was usually at if not already with you in your room.
but he wasnât there.
and you frowned.
where was he?
you spent a total of thirty minutes looking for kentoâ practically turning your mansion upside down and even sticking your head in rooms you had never stepped foot in before, your mind fucking confused and worried that you couldnât locate him anywhere and that your staff didnât even know where he was when you asked, for him doing something like this was completely unheard of.
upon going back upstairs, you speedily walked past your fathers study and stopped.
could he be in there�
but your father was for sure in there, and you couldnât stand the thought of speaking or even looking at him at the moment without fury clouding your judgement again.
but kento could be in thereâŚ
you took a deep breath and walked back to your fathers door, hesitantly knocking gently.
âcome in.â
you pushed the door open and stepped in, closing it behind you before turning around and shoulders slumping when you didnât spot him in here either.
dammit.
âgood morning.â your father spoke. âwhat can i do for you? itâs rather early for you to be stopping by.â
âoh yeah sorry i justââ you played with the ends of your hair. âi was just looking for kento⌠i thought he mightâve been in here.â
he shook his head.
âheâs not. he left.â
you froze.
âheâ what?â
âhe left.â you father repeated. ânanami stepped down from the position of being your bodyguard earlier today. he left a couple of hours ago.â
what the fuck?
âi donâtââ you tightly gripped the table next to you, balancing yourself. âi donât understandââ
âyouâll be assigned a new bodyguard within the next coming weekââ
âdid he say why?â you breathed out. âdid he say anything at all?â
your fathers eyes scanned you.
âamongst various other things, he said he simply couldnât fulfill that position anymore.â
âdid you fire him?!â
he scoffed. âdonât be ridiculous y/n i would never do something like that to nanami. i tried to get him to reconsider.â
holy fucking shit.
kento quit? kento left? kento left you?
it didnât make any sense. nothing about it made sense to you thisâ this wasnât like him at allâ
âlike i said youâll be assigned a new bodyguard soon i just need to finalize nanamiâs paperworkââ
you swung open the door and ran out, your eyes already filling with tears as you pushed through your housekeeping staff and ignored their beckoning and calls, you bursting through your room and throwing everything around to try and find your phone through your heaving and panic.
why did he leave you? was it something you did?
did he finally realize you were nothing but a useless spoiled girl?
you hurriedly wiped your eyes and kept looking, transitioning from your bed over to your vanity desk and knocking over everything to try and find your stupid phone to call him, some of your expensive bottle of perfumes clattering and spilling and you not giving a rats ass about it as your tears increased in intensity, about to run out of your room and get in your car to literally drive around your fucking city to look for him until you snapped your head up.
a small yellow sticky note sat stuck to your mirror.Â
you stopped, dropping the items you were holding and stepping closerâ pulling the note from its position and bringing it in.
iâll be in the garden waiting for you when you wake up.
kento.
you hiccuped and wiped your eyes again, kicking the clothes you had thrown about in search for your phone (that you still couldnât find) as you hurriedly left your room and trudged down the hall, confusion and hurt suffocating your head over the information you had just learned about him and his leave, you reaching the bottom of your staircase and rounding through various hallways and lounge areas to get to the entry way of your little garden, one that wasnât exaggeratingly massive like the monroeâs, but one that was a great size and that you loved with everything in youâ various flowers and herbs planted by yours truly as you periodically took care of them from time to time.
and sure enough, as promised, kento was standing at the end of your garden, his back turned to you as he overlooked the acres of land your father owned that stretched beyond the premises of your rosey labyrinth, him dressed in a casual yet dressy tight long sleeve sweater and dress pantsâ a sight you werenât used to seeing at all as you always saw him in a full blown suit everyday without fail.
kento heard the soft rustling of grass and he slightly turned, a soft smile stretching across his chiseled face until he caught sight of your tear stained cheeks and pissed off expression, his face dropping and brows pinching.
âhoney whatâs wrong?â he walked over to you and you glared. âwhy are you looking at me like that?â
âyou quit.â you muttered, already annoyingly feeling your waterworks trigger again. âmy father said you gave up your bodyguard position.â
âoh.â his shoulders relaxed, and his nonchalance only further pissed you off. âi did my love yesââ
âwhy.â you pushed. âwhy are you leaving i donâtâ i donât get it did i do something wrong? iââ
âwhat?â he shook his head and took your hands in his. âno dear god no you didnât do anything.â
âthen why are you leaving?â you sniffed, and kento wiped a stray tear from your cheek with his thumb.
âi told your father i love you.â
you stiffened.
âhe wasnât very pleased.â he continued. âi figured he wouldnât be⌠but he didnât make me step down from my position darling, i chose to do that.â
you blinked confusedly.
âbut why?â
âi donât want to be paid for something that i was born to do as your man.â he smiled warmly. âit didnât feel right to me⌠and i donât want to be labeled as that anymore either.â
he wiped away your remaining tears.
âi want to only be known as yours now. not your bodyguard or anything else in between.â
you were left speechless, unmoving and rigid at everything he was saying.
âhowever⌠your father did make me choose between you and the business.â
your brows furrowed, taken aback.
âtheâ the business?ââ
kento nodded, a content smile still on his face.
âhe was impressed by what you said yesterday sweetheart.âÂ
you scoffed. âwhat that his words were bullshit and that he doesnât care about meââ
he laughed, little crinkles in the corners of his eyes as he shook his head.
âhe was satisfied to see that you werenât angry about not getting the company for yourself, but because he was going to give it away to someone who wasnât qualified to maintain it.âÂ
you pursed your lips.
âhe was offering it to me in exchange for letting you go. i refused immediately.â
your eyes shot up.
âkento no iâ fuckââ you looked around exasperatedly. âthis is your dream! this is everything youâve ever wanted i feel horrible for taking that away i donâtââ
âsweetheart donât be stupid.â he chuckled. âi thought i made it clear enough that youâre everything iâve ever wanted⌠not some business. i donât need any of that. just you.â
your eyes softened.
âare you sad at all?â
he shook his head and gently kissed your forehead.
âiâm the happiest iâve ever been y/n.â
and that was the truest of truths.
kento was truly and incandescently happy, no longer tied down and restrained by his inner monologues of former idiotic confusion, or jugglings of what was best for you and whether you should be with him or not no longer standing in the way either as he finally welcomed the fact that yesâ a woman as gracious and lively and stunning as you could indeed love a simple man like him, an absolute privilege and honor to have someone as special as you want a life with him in it that he just couldnât understand how his feelings were ever considered confusing to start with.
for him thinking of nothing but you and his occupation as your protector and your guide, a job that he saw himself doing beside you until his very dying day, was all simply a mask of him thinking out the rest of his life with you in the form of work.
and it was so clear that he loved you. so much.
how could he not? how could the way he stared at the monroeâs generational wedding portraits and photographs, swapping their faces out with his and yours, and his constant weighings of âif she was mineâ and âdoes she actually feel the same wayâ from before not already give away enough that he loved you?
but it was even clearer now, with him giving up the opportunity to build and nourish a reputable business like heâd always aspired to do, turning it down without so much as a blink because he wanted you and you only, not feeling an ounce of regret in his body and knowing that he never will.
kento was looking forward to spending the rest of his days with the woman that heâd always envisioned it withâ the forbidden heavenly fruit that he had deemed impossible to reach and wrong to even try, him unknowing of the fact that that same glistening fruit sat dangling and waiting as it would only ever let itself be harvested and picked by himâŚÂ for kento was the one who planted and had been nurturing it for as long as it could remember.
planted it⌠nurtured it⌠kept it safe.
kept you safe.
and funnily enough, another individual was also looking forward to seeing your life with kento unfoldâŚÂ your fatherâ curious to see how exactly two opposites became compatible, and when it was that the two of you fell in love as it managed to wholeheartedly slip past his radar completely when most things didnât.
had he really been this absent in your life?
⌠though regardless if he was or wasnât, it was too late to dwell on it now, seeing as you were a grown woman and capable and your father was grateful that you at least had a companion with you through the many days he wasnât, and an honorable man such as kentoâ taking care of you and guiding you through every step of your life when he didnât even need to be asked, his willingness to do it and overlooking your reckless habits reading numbers to your father.
and even more so now as he leaned against his studies stone balcony ledge from above, it overlooking the entirety of your garden plus the acres of land he owned during the annual dinner party he put on for the business, kento sitting peacefully on a lawn chair with you in his lap while drinking glasses of sparkling champagne, soft echoing laughs and giggles heard from below as you enjoyed each others company away from the bustling crowds and nosy relatives.
it was a pleasing sight, to say the least.
and it was exactly why your father was going to give his business to kento when the time came, because when given the choice between gluttony and love, kento chose love.
he chose you.
âiâm thinking of planting tiger lilies soon.â you hummed, your head resting on kentoâs shoulder as he delicately ran a hand down your back, sipping his champagne. âitâs almost their season⌠right?â
âi believe so, yes.â he nodded. âi think thatâs a great idea.â
âthanks!â you cheesed, running the tip of your index finger absentmindedly over the rim of your glass. âwill you help me? i need your big manly arms to carry the soil out from the flower shop tomorrow hehe.â
he chuckled, tracing his fingers gingerly over your upper arm. âiâll pick it up for you in the morning sweetheart. donât concern yourself with it.â
you smiled to yourself, cheeks warm as you pressed a kiss to his cheek in gratitude.
âi am concerned about something else thoughâŚâ
his brows pinched, lowering the glass from his lips and looking at you in concern.
âwhat is it?â
âwhen weâre gonna pick our wedding dateââ
kento laughed boastfully and shook his head, setting down his champagne glass on the little table next to him and settling his hand over your thigh, the material of your classy black dress smooth under his touch.
âyou asked me this just last night my love.â
âokay so?â you grinned. âyou donât want me to be your precious wife? the birth giver of your offspring?ââ
âi never said thatââ
âbecause i could yâknow.â you caressed his jaw with your thumb. âi could be your wife and be the mother of your children⌠isnât that what you want?â
with all of his heart.
âitâs what i want at least.â you pouted, and kento smiled handsomely, the vision of you soaked in the rays of the setting sun before him a lethal one as he felt his heart rattle against his chest.
âme promising to take care of you has marriage included above all else my love.â he spoke gently. âyou will be my bride someday, i assure you.â
you stared at him warmly, your cheek falling to rest against his as you placed your hand on his chest and over his white crisp button up.
âi also assure you that youâll continue to be happy and protected, alright?â he squeezed your thigh. âjust because iâm not your bodyguard anymore doesnât mean my duties are done with.â
you nodded against him, the slight prickling cold wind brushing against your skin as the stunning sun continued to set.
âyouâre a good man, ken.â you murmured. âand i love you.â
and that was another truest of truths.
because as he reiterated that same three worded phrase back to you and held you closer to his built frame, grabbing his blazer from the arm rest and draping it over your goose bumped filled shoulders, and with a tender kiss to your lips?
it was obvious that kento nanami was born and raised to be just that.
a good man.
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I knew we would eventually reach a point where masses of people would misinterpret Arcane, but I never imagined it would be this bad.
Yes, I absolutely agree that season 2 was rushed, especially Act 3, and it is undeniable that the series would have benefited from at least one more episode if not an entire act. However, the current discourse about the show is so superficial that it's impossible to have a conversation about anything deeper but a mere synopsis of the characters and story.
So many of you expected this series to hold your hand and dumb everything down so you can understand it. But when it wasn't the case, you all started rioting and calling the characters vague, the plot bad, and the ships underdeveloped.
The amount of people who value spoken text more than the actions of the characters is worrying. And more worrying than that is the amount of those who interpret the said actions so superficially. I can't believe it needs to be explained that it wasn't Vi's death that led to the "good" timeline, but the lack of hextech. The result would have been the same if either of them had died. It wasn't about Vi, but about the child that died because of dangerous technology and that therefore that technology must not be used. The mischaracterization of Vi in general is insane. Call me biased and unfair, but the moment I hear you don't like her I will assume you didn't understand the show.
Also, the whole discourse around Caitvi scene in episode 8 is giving brainsmooth. No, Vi didn't choose Cait over Jinx, quite the opposite. No, Cait didn't plan all of it to fuck Vi. No, Vi didn't do it because she felt forced or because she is a horny animal who doesn't care about her sister. No, them fucking in a cell is not about the class difference, but about the fact that Vi felt an insane rush of emotions after realizing that Cait would let go of her revenge and help Jinx escape, all for her. Yes, I do agree that it would be nice if we got a longer conversation between Vi and Caitlyn and it would feel great to hear Cait apologize, but I'll always value actions over words. Her talking to Jinx, recognizing that she is just as bad as her, and choosing to trust Vi that her sister can change, thus letting Jinx escape will always mean more than any verbal apology and I'll die on that hill.
Also, it was Jinx's decision to let go and walk away. It was not about Vi trying to get to Vander, but about Jinx being tired of everything. Even if that fight didn't happen, the result would be the same: Jinx would leave because she knows that Vi couldn't do that. She knew that the two of them couldn't have a normal life together and that Vi would never give up on her. Jinx didn't "die" because Vi pushed her or failed her, but because she loved her too much. Whether you believe that she is dead or that she escaped, it's her decision either way.
Again, I agree that too much happened too quickly, but stop confusing your stupidity and inability to read between the lines with the quality of the series.
Arcane is flawed but still brilliant.
#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane vi#arcane caitlyn#arcane jinx#caitlyn kiramman#vi arcane#jinx arcane#caitvi#arcane caitvi#vi and caitlyn
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Don't Call Me Kid - Chapter 8 (part two)
(Rafe Cameron x Reader series, 6.2k words)
series summary: You'd had a crush on Rafe Cameron since you were six years old, but he friend zoned you at every turn. Once shy and insecure, you found new confidence and self-love after high school. When your high school friends go on a reunion beach trip, Rafe finally sees what he lost, but he isn't going to give you up without a fight.
tropes: unrequited crush, glow up, she fell first/he fell harder
series content: some angst, eventual fluff, slow burn, tomfoolery and shenanigans, drinking, fem!reader has occasional insecurity and body image issues
⢠series masterlist
A blood curdling shriek rang through the house, jolting Carter from her restless dreams.
She sat straight up in bed, heart racing as she looked around the dark room, head so heavy she could barely remember where she was or how she got there.
In her hungover mental fog, she pieced it together slowly. She was at the beach house, in her room, it was early, she drank so much last night and Topper said -
âOH MY GOD!âÂ
Another sharp scream came from downstairs, and her heart rate spiked all over again. She pulled the fluffy comforter around her shoulders and hurried out of the room, quiet on the stairs as she nervously approached the source of all the commotion.
When she saw what was inducing Sabrinaâs shock, she doubled back, hiding around the corner so they couldnât see her. Her stomach churned with bitter loathing, and something else even more nauseatingâŚ
She dropped the blanket and rushed to the half-bath off the houseâs entryway, doubled over the toilet bowl as last nightâs poor choices continued to haunt her.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
Rafe drove faster than he had before your interrupted rendezvous, seeming not to want to drag this adventure out anymore. You eyed him nervously from the passenger seat, searching for words that werenât coming to you.Â
Tongue tied and exhausted was not how you wanted to begin thisâŚwhatever this was between you. Rafe had given you words, so many of them, back on the beach and all he asked in return was a simple yes or no.
Are you my girl?
No four words had ever felt so heavy. The shitty part was, you wanted to say yes. At the sound of his breathless question every cell in your body was screaming yes! Iâm your girl! Iâve always been your girl!Â
But then there was that pesky piece of self preservation that cemented itself in your heart all those years ago and didnât plan to give up any time soon.Â
He looked so disappointed when you couldnât give him a quick and easy answer, his chest now deflated and shoulders sunken as he drove the rest of the route home. Despite your lingering hesitation, you felt like you needed to give him something, needed to lift the frown that was settled on the lips you had tasted so many times this morning.
âIâm sorry,â you mumbled.
âFor what?â He asked.
âIâmâŚslow,â you began, âit takes me a while, yâknow? To find the words. Iâm not like you, I donât know how you came up with that speech in less than a minute.â
Rafe laughed, confusing you.
âWhat?â
âYou think I came up with that speech in a minute?â He chuckled, âIâve been practicing it every day since senior year of high school.â
Your heart clenched at the endearing thought of him in front of the mirror, driving to class, taking a shower all while rehearsing what heâd say if you ever gave him the chance.
âOh,â you tucked your hair behind your ear.
It was infuriating, your complete inability to get a grip on your own thoughts and feelings around him. It had always been this way. You were well-spoken and sound-minded, until this one person was in your atmosphere, his presence your own personal kryptonite.
To be fair to yourself, it wasnât just your own weakness for him that had caused you to build such high walls. When you were kids, he sometimes made you feel this way on purpose. He used to have fun watching you get flustered, just the right amount of flirting to send you into a tizzy, only to leave you spinning like a top with no one to stop you.
You truly tried to leave the past behind, burying it somewhere back in the sand on the beach. You reminded yourself that the Rafe of your memories was not the one sitting next to you right now. But that might just be the problem, because at least you knew that Rafe, you knew exactly what he would do next.
If he grabbed your hand, you knew he was about to drop it. If he said something sweet, you knew he was about to say something passive aggressive. If he acted like he loved you, you knew he was about to act like heâd never met you a day in his life.
But this Rafe, this new one, was completely unpredictable. Wild and dangerous in his apparent affection for you. How were you supposed to know what he did next wasnât going to hurt? He was right about what he said on the jet ski - you wonât know until you give him the chance. Easier said than done.
âYou donât have to say anything right now,â he offered after youâd been quiet for a long time.
âThis week has just beenâŚâ trying to come up with one word to describe it felt like a futile task.
âOverwhelming?â Rafe tried to help.
âSurprising,â you countered. âIâve never been good with surprises.â
âYou like to know whatâs coming next,â he nodded, once again displaying a deep knowledge of you that you never knew he possessed.
Like he could read your mind, his arm stretched across the small divide and his palm, warm and soft, settled on your thigh, a single soothing stroke to let you know heâs still here, heâs still yours. The feeling of his skin touching yours was like aloe vera directly on the burn.
With a grateful smile, you leaned back in the seat and took a deep breath as he steered you home.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
Carter padded down the hall, stopping three separate times, trying to decide if she should just go back to her own room. But the sight of her frantic texts to you still saying âdeliveredâ and not âreadâ was too concerning to ignore.
She opened Topperâs door without knocking.
He was sitting up against his headboard, typing feverishly on his phone. At the sight of her, he clutched his duvet cover, pulling it up higher over his nearly naked body.
âHave you ever heard of knocking?âÂ
âPlease, like I havenât seen it all before. Like I didnât see it yesterday,â she rolled her eyes.
âOh okay, so you do remember. Based on the way you were acting last night I thought maybe youâd forgotten weâd ever been together,â he snipped at her.
âI donât want to talk about last night,â she waved him off, dismissing his complaints flippantly, âare you aware of whatâs happening downstairs right now? Of who is happening downstairs right now?â
âYes, I saw her pull up,â he returned his attention to his phone and his frenzied typing.
Outside his cracked open door, Carter heard Kelce, Tom, and a few others come barreling up the stairs, chatting about the recent arrival.
âBe so fucking for real, did you invite her?â Carter said, attempting to lower her voice.
âI donât know if anyoneâs ever told you this but you do this thing where you think youâre whispering and youâre actually not,â Topper informed her.
âTopperâŚâ
âNo, I didnât invite her.,â he answered. âActually I was about to ask if you did.â
âWhy the fuck would I do that? I hate her.â
âWow alright, hate's a strong word, Carter, maybe calm down a little.â
Ever since their knock-down-drag-out at the club last night, the arguing that was usually playful and lighthearted had an edge of actual bitterness to it.
âFirst of all, if you ever tell me to âcalm downâ again, Iâm going full Lorena Bobbitt on your ass. Second of all, you need to go down there and tell her to leave,â she flicked her hair behind her shoulder and held her chin up as she bossed him around. He hated that despite how mad at her he was, he fucking loved it.
âHow does that job possibly fall on me?â He scoffed.
âArenât you Mr. Team Rafe-and-my-sister? Donât you want to get rid of the reason they stopped talking in the first place?â She reasoned.
âIâm not gonna tell her she canât be here,â he shut her down. âItâs not my house, and itâs really none of my business. Or yours.â
Her eyes narrowed at him, âoh yeah? Then who are you texting so much over there?â
âIâm just giving him a headâs up,â he shrugged. âShe should probably know too.â
âAnd youâre just assuming theyâre together?â She snarled.
âPuh-lease,â he rolled his eyes, âdid you see them at the club last night? Thereâs no way they didnât hook up.â
She wouldnât accept it, couldnât, even though she knew somewhere deep in her gut that he was probably right.Â
When Rafe still didnât answer any of his texts, Topper sighed heavily, âfuck it, I donât care if Iâm cockblocking, Iâm calling him.â
Before he could dial, the house shook with the slam of the front door. Carter and Topper hurried out to the hall and hesitated at the top of the steps. Your lone voice carried up to them, talking to no one in particular as you muttered, âun-fucking-belivable.â
Carter actually did whisper this time, âI think it might be too late for thatâŚâ
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â Â
The feeling of Rafeâs hand, warm and steady on your thigh, as he drove the rest of the route home was so nice and comforting, you let yourself slip into the possibility that this could actually be it. Maybe you really could just leave the past behind you, maybe you really had finally found each other and it could just be simple like this.
But your fantasy didnât last long.
Rafe parked in the spot across the street that you had taken Carterâs car from a few hours ago. Even when he turned the key and cut the engine, he didnât remove his hand from your leg.Â
âYou ready?â He sighed.
âFor what?â You questioned, eyeing him curiously, his face serious as he looked down at the site of his hand on your skin.
He shook his head like he didnât know the answer himself, âreality, I guess.â
You placed your hand over his, smirking at the sight of your fingers encompassing each otherâs, wanting so much more from these hands and truly believing youâd have all the time in the world to enjoy them.Â
âBring it on,â you gave him a small smile.
âHe leaned across the center console and dropped a deep kiss to your lips, causing you to sigh into his mouth. All the times you imagined kissing him, you never thought such a rough-around-the-edges guy would have such soft lips. You felt like you might be able to spend forever with them on your skin.
When he finally pulled away, you reached for the handle of your door, beginning to open it, but Rafe reached across your body and pulled it shut again.
âWhat are you doing?â You asked in surprise.
He smiled that perfect, dimpled grin of his, âextra credit.â
You giggled as he hurried to climb out of the driverâs side, hurrying around to your door and opening it with a chivalrous flair.
âWow,â you beamed, accepting his hand as he helped you down from the tall vehicle. âYou werenât kidding about trying to be a gentleman.â
âFor you, Iâll be anything,â he flirted.
Despite your best efforts not to, you blushed, the red hue on your cheeks deepening when Rafe kept your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours as you walked back to the house. It was the first time heâd held your hand out in the open like this, where anyone could look out from the windows of the beach house and see the two of you together. It was foreign to you, his public display of affection, and yet it felt so right. You couldnât help but wish it hadnât taken this long.
âCan I ask you something?â You said quietly.
âAnything,â he squeezed your hand assuringly.Â
âWhy didnât we do this a long time ago?âÂ
Rafeâs face fell slightly, watching his feet as they made less and less forward progress on the sidewalk, until he came to a full stop. The question was mostly meant to be lighthearted, a tease really, but his solemn reaction made your stomach twist with concern.
âIâŚâ he started, voice unsteady, not meeting your eyeline, âI donât know if I should tell you this but -â
You never knew what he wasnât supposed to tell you, because before he could, a sickeningly familiar voice called out from the front porch.
âHey guys!â
Head snapping toward the sound, you looked up, and there she was, as stunning as ever in that same signature everything-youâre-not-ness.Â
Cassie Bryant.
Her face was adorned with a glistening smile, yours was noticeably not. Everything in you sunk, including the corners of your lips, completely unable to hide the way your heart dropped six feet under the ground at the sight of her.
She was somehow even more golden and glowing now than she was back then. Glossy blonde hair flowing down her back like a waterfall of silk. Her perfect, blemish free skin glowed in the early morning light. Her big, round Disney Princess eyes quickly found Rafe and flicked over your joined hands, clocking the way they were folded together in unmistakable intimacy.
It happened so quickly, and yet it felt like years worth of hurt and heartache compacted into one small moment.Â
At the sight of Cassie on the porch, Rafe dropped your hand.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
Surely, any minute now, a camera crew would pop out from the bushes and announce that you were being Punkâd.
Or maybe itâd be the Mythbusters:
The myth? That you can actually heal from your childhood trauma with just four years of painstaking hard work. Well, weâre about to prove that all of that can be unraveled in the span of 72 hours! Also, we will be using your heart as our crash test dummy. Myth busted!
You didnât look over at Rafe, couldnât bear to watch the way he pulled his body away from yours, ever-so-slightly, almost imperceptibly. But you could feel it all the same, and you were sure she could too.Â
Before Cassie could say anything else, the front door opened behind her, Sabrina stepping out of the house and taking in the unfolding scene on the lawn.
âOh shit,â she laughed, âthis is awkward!â
Itâs like her main goal in life was to find new and creative ways to make your bad moments worse.
âIs it?â Cassie asked, seemingly unaware of the cause of Sabrinaâs laughter. âWe were just saying hi.â
She caught your eye as she said it, a polite but knowing smile on her lips. You realized with shock that she absolutely knew what was happening and was trying to make you feel better about it. You should just be grateful for the unexpected kindness, but something in you was suspicious. The Cassie you knew wouldâve jumped at the chance to embarrass you, and she wouldâve loved the way Rafe was treating you like you had the plague.
Plus, her taking pity on you, acknowledging the way Rafe had just hurt you, was somehow worse than her just being mean to you. Youâd rather she go back to that.
âYâall having a good trip?â She asked you and Rafe when the silence had lasted just a little too long.
You looked to Rafe, waiting for him to answer, begging him silently to say something that indicated that you were in fact having a good tripâŚtogether.
But he just said, âitâs been cool. Weatherâs shit, though.â
âYeah thatâs what Sab told me, but I got a few days off my internship so I thought Iâd come hang with yâall,â she said, eyes on you as she spoke, like she owed you an explanation.
âWell, welcome, then,â you smiled a polite smile that didnât meet your eyes.
âYou ready?â Sabrina asked, linking arms with Cassie, thick as thieves.Â
âWeâre going into town for some brunch if you guys want to join,â Cassie offered.
âThatâs okay, I need to check on Carter,â you declined, all eyes turning to Rafe for his response.
âUh yeah, Iâm good here, th-thanks,â he stuttered, so awkward and shaky, a completely different person from the guy who was delivering monologues and sweeping you off your feet just a few hours ago.
Cassie just smiled politely once more as Sabrina pulled her into the car. As they drove off, you stood wordlessly with Rafe on the front walk, your chest completely hollow. You mustered some nerve and finally looked at him, head tilted, a completely unamused smile tugging your lips.
âWeatherâs shit?â You repeated his words back to him.
âLookâŚâ he began but didnât finish the thought.
You just laughed humorlessly, shaking your head at him as you stormed off toward the house. Rafe stood frozen for a moment, kicking himself mentally and begging his brain to catch up with the moment, finally rushing off after you, but not able to before you slammed the door in his face.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
Carter and Topper exchanged nervous glances at the sound of you stomping into the house.Â
They slowly and quietly settled on the top step, sitting forward to listen in as the front door opened and closed again, Rafeâs voice echoing through the house.
âWaitâŚâ he said, following after you as you marched further into the house toward the kitchen.
You didnât stop, âNo, go ahead, you should go to brunch with her. Donât let me keep you from a good time.â
âWait, letâs just talk,â he pleaded.
âIâm too tired, Rafe,â you rejected him. âI canât do this right now.â
âSo youâre not even gonna let me explain?â
At the top of the steps, Carter and Topper simultaneously held their breath as they listened, both jumping as Kelceâs voice startled them, âwhat are we listening to?â
âShhh,â Carter waved her hand at him, motioning for him to shut up.
Kelce plopped himself between them on the top step, shuffling a bit so theyâd make room for him. He listened in, picking up your and Rafeâs raised voices quickly.
âOh shit,â he barely whispered, âtrouble in paradise already?â
âDude shut up,â Topper cut him off.
Soon, Maddie, Tom and Jack joined the little huddle on the top step, each cluing in on the source of the entertainment in their own disruptive way before being shushed by the group and eventually sitting. You continued your argument with Rafe, completely unaware you were performing in front of a live studio audience.
âYou donât need to explain,â you told him, trudging down the front hall toward the kitchen. âI know exactly what just happened because itâs happened a thousand times before. What I donât know is why Iâm even surprised.â
âCome on,â he caught up to you, stopping you in your tracks as his large frame rounded you. âIt is not the same as it used to be.â
âItâs exactly the same,â you side-stepped him, walking into the kitchen and dropping Carterâs keys on the counter. âI mean jesus Rafe, itâs the same fucking person! I canât believe Iâm here again, itâs like Iâm having a nightmare where Iâm back in high school. Next thing you know Iâm gonna walk into homeroom and I realize Iâm completely naked.â
âSounds more like a dream to me,â he smirked, trying to flirt.
You just blinked back at him, your sharp eyes cutting straight through his head.
âDo you think this is funny?â
His smirk dropped, snatched right off his lips by your ice cold tone. Good. Youâd been waiting years to wipe that shit eating grin off his face.Â
Something new was rising in your chest, knocking out the embarrassment and sadness with a closed fist, a fury long buried coming back with a vengeance.
âI thought all that shit was behind us, over and done.â Rafe reached out towards you but you stopped him with your own rough grip, lowering his hand away from you and dropping it like heâd dropped yours.
âOh, itâs fucking done alright, so fucking done,â you spat.
 âYouâre really gonna let ten stupid seconds ruin everything thatâs happened between us? Youâre not even gonna give me the benefit of the doubt. You really think that little of me?â
âItâs literally only been two hours, and youâve already lied to me once and pushed me away the second someone saw us. And you wonder why I'm having a hard time saying yes to being with you? Itâs because I fucking canât trust you, Rafe!â
âI donât know what else I can do to show you Iâm different,â he threw his hands up in exasperation. âThis is so fucking unfair.â
âAre you being fucking serious right now?â You stepped towards him as you snapped at him. âYouâre actually pissed at me?â
âYeah, I am!âÂ
âWhy?â
âBecause I lost my best friend!â
Everyone on the top of the stairs winced, air sucked from the room when Rafe raised his voice at you. For all his flaws and mistreatment, he had never raised his voice at you before.
âOh shit,â Kelce whispered.
âShhh!â Carter and Maddie hushed him in unison, everyone leaning in a little closer to hear how youâd react. But you said nothing. They couldnât see the widening of your eyes, jaw locked tight as you gave him space to follow up on his outburst.
âDo you really think it didnât hurt me when you just up and stopped talking to me back then?â He took the space you gave him and slowly unpacked the hurt feelings heâd buried for years. âI know I was a dick, I shouldnât have taken advantage of how you felt about me, I shouldnât have strung you along. But when that shit went down senior year and you just ghosted me, I wanted to talk to you and make it right. I tried, but you blocked me out, you went from talking to me every day to radio silence without giving me a single explanation. That fucking hurt. And youâre doing the exact same thing now, not even giving me a chance to explain things. So yeah, I am a little pissed. Iâm pissed that youâre just gonna throw it all away again over nothing.â
He waited for your response with baited breath, prepared for you to yell, or cry, or do something. But you gave him nothing, mouth closed in a tight line as you turned on your heel and walked further into the kitchen, lifting the coffee pot from its home and filling it in the sink.
He watched your back as you scooped the grounds into the filter and turned on the machine. Minutes passed and you remained silent, hands on the counter, looking out the big window towards the ocean while the coffee brewed one drop at a time.
Finally, after eight cups had dripped into the pot, you spoke.
âHow was prom, by the way?â You turned to face him, the edge of the marble countertop digging into your waist as you leaned back against it, hands crossed in hostility over your chest. âI never asked.â
Rafeâs gaze fell from you almost instantly. He didnât have to ask why you were bringing this up, the âhell hath no furyâ look on your face dragging the memory forth from its carefully hidden spot in the back of his brain. Nothing made him feel like a jackass quite like that memory, and based on the mocking curve at the corner of your lips, you knew it.
The memory used to keep you up at night.Â
For a full year after it happened, it was like a fire poker bent into the shape of regret and shame was branding your heart over and over.Â
Now, the burn was healed over, still calloused and red at the edges, but youâd done your best to cover the scar tissue in the healing balms of self-love and lots and lots of therapy. Still, it was the moment in your life you were the least proud of.
Youâd thought it was gonna be you. Really, earnestly, completely delusionally, you believed when he asked for your help with his grand prom-posal that it was all a playful ruse to ask you to be his date. You stayed up all night, decorating three different poster boards with glitter glue so he could pick the one he liked best. You bought out all the battery-powered candles at Michaelâs - he said heâd pay you back, he never did. You waited with him in the park until the sun set, giddy with the hope that heâd drop the ruse and pop the question any minute.
âWhat will you do if âsheâ says no?â You attempted to flirt.
âI guess Iâd just have to take you.â
Every muscle in his body flinched at the memory and the white hot regret he felt every time it replayed in his head.
The kid who said those words was such an asshole. Standing here in the kitchen, looking down at you, the love of his goddamn life, and facing the possibility that he might lose you for good, he wanted to ring the idiotâs neck.
Because he hadnât asked you. He made you watch while he asked her. And he didnât even give you a ride home from the park.
Fuck, he wouldnât forgive himself if he was you, either.
Rafe felt about two feet tall, looking back at you with absolutely nothing to say. He was relieved for a second when you opened your mouth to speak first, until he heard the words.
âYou donât understand. The voice in the back of my head, the one Iâve spent years trying to silence, the one that tells me Iâm not enough, that Iâll never be enoughâŚitâs your voice, Rafe.â
He grasped desperately for a reply, but there were no words in the English language that made that statement any less devastating.
âMaybe thatâs not fair,â you continued before he could come up with anything, âbut I donât think I have control over that. I donât know how to undo it, if it can be undone. So those ten seconds that just happened out there? Theyâre not nothing to me. When you dropped my hand at the sight of her, I felt like I was that stupid teenage girl again, giving my whole heart to the one person who knows how to break it. Blind and foolish and desperate for you to notice her. I donât like that girl.â
You made it through the whole speech with a steady voice, up until the last sentence. Your voice cracked on those words, your heart doing the same as you pictured your younger self. The one who would sit on her bed for hours, rereading the texts she sent him and praying heâd reply.
Thinking about that version of yourself, you werenât sure if you wanted to hug her or slap her. Surely, sheâd hit you right back if she saw what you were doing now, potentially pushing away the boy she loved more than anything, finally having him within your grasp and letting him slip right through.
At the top of the stairs, unbeknownst to you, Carter was picturing that girl, too. She would roll her eyes at you back then, using sarcastic comments like âare you sure Rafe even knows how to read?â to mask her truer concern; that he could but he wouldnât, and the heart you wore on your sleeve would end up crushed again. Even now, she couldnât protect it, couldnât save it from reaching out to this boy who did nothing but break it.
Frustration welled inside her, the absolute powerlessness to put an end to this cycle that hurts you feeling like a dark cloud over her head. The anger manifested into hot, watery tears gathering on her lash line. Without permission, one slipped through, rolling down her cheek slowly.
Topper caught the whole thing, and despite their fight and his resolve to freeze her out until she apologized, he couldnât stop his hand from reaching out and stroking her cheek softly, wiping the tear away with a gentle swipe of his thumb.
They shared a look so full of unspoken words and tender emotions that they almost forgot about the conversation in the kitchen, until Rafeâs voice cut through the moment and pulled them from their silent reconciliation.
âAre you okay?â He asked you after youâd been silent for nearly a minute, trying desperately to compose yourself.
âYes, that's all just a lot. Iâm processing,â you sniffled.
âTake your time,â he said, pulling out one of the high back stools from the counter and motioning for you to sit in it.
Your body was so exhausted, even your stubborn anger at him couldnât stop you from accepting the offer. You slumped on the plush stool, folding your arms on the counter and resting your chin on them.
âHow do you like your eggs?â Rafe asked.
âIs that a pick-up line?âÂ
âNope, just a question,â he said as he opened the high cupboard and pulled out a frying pan.
You tried to remind yourself you should reject his offer to feed you, you should storm out, you should tell him where he can put his frying panâŚbut you were hungry. And so tired.
âSunny side up,â you answered.
He nodded and got to work cooking you breakfast, eggs and bacon sizzling on the stove, Rafe close by with a spatula in hand, silent as he stirred and flipped. You rested your head on your folded arms, eyes half-closed and brain sleepy, watching him.Â
If you blocked out the last twenty minutes, you could pretend this morning was your real life, could let yourself imagine it really was all this simple and pleasant and sweet; heâd cook you breakfast, youâd make him coffee, and youâd kiss until the sun rose.
At the top of the stairs, Kelce stood and started descending, before Carter reached up and grabbed his arm.
âWhat are you doing?â She whispered.
âIâm hungry!â He whined.
âYou canât go down there,â Maddie scolded him, âgive them some space.â
âAre we just gonna stay up here all day?â Tom complained as he and Jack stood to join Kelceâs crusade into the kitchen.
âEverybody sit down!â Topper whisper-yelled. âGive them five fucking minutes, youâll all survive. You can fuck off back to your rooms if you want but no oneâs going down there.â
Carter couldnât help the heart eyes she made at him, surprised and delighted by his show of aggression in your defense.
Kelce groaned as he backed back down, Tom rolling his eyes and throwing his hands up as he trudged down the hall back to his room, Jack following with a huff.
âKelce, I have a granola bar in my purse, câmon,â Maddie offered, leading him towards her own door.
Alone again, Topper and Carter looked at each other for a long, quiet moment.
âIâm sorry,â she mouthed.
âI know,â he mouthed back.
She scooted towards him, nuzzling into his side as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, kissing her temple.
Downstairs, Rafe was done with your meal, scooping it onto a plate and sliding it to you across the counter.
âThank you,â you sat up and began nibbling at a slice of bacon.
Rafe took the stool next to you with his own plate of food. You sat in silence for a while, only the sound of forks scraping against porcelain and the occasional âcan you pass the salt?â between you.
Between bites, you rested your head on your arm again, nearly falling asleep.
âIâm so tired,â you mumbled sleepily.
âItâs been a long twenty-four hours,â Rafe agreed, taking a sip of his coffee.
âThatâs an understatement,â you snorted, sitting up again and finishing the last bite of your eggs.
âWhat aboutâŚthe next twenty-four hours?â He asked quietly.
You took a deep breath, the smile falling from your face as you considered the question underneath his question. You didnât answer him right away, hopping down from the stool and collecting your plate and his, carrying them to the sink. Rafe was quick behind you, arm reaching around and pulling the dishes from your hands to lay them in the sink. His hand rested on your waist, turning you to face him, pulling you in. Reluctantly, and without returned tenderness, you let him.
âRafe, I canâtâŚâ you said sadly.
âPlease just talk to me,â he pleaded, hands running up your arms and resting on your shoulders. You shook your head, blinking away fresh tears as you pulled away from him.
âIt hurts too much, Rafe,â your voice cracked. âAs great as the last few days have been, you canât see that being close to you hurts me. I worked so hard to get over you. So this isnât me throwing it all away, this is me protecting myself. Protecting what Iâve spent years rebuilding.â
âSo what, that's it then? Youâre just gonna go back to school and pretend this never happened?â The pain in his voice was palpable, and you cursed the part of you that wanted to reach out and make him feel better.
âI donât know, Rafe,â a small tear slipped through, gliding slowly down your cheek.
âYouâre just gonna stop talking to me, stop thinking about me?â He continued desperately.
You looked up at him finally, searching his face, nodding sadly.
âIâve done it before.â
Hurt flashed in his crystal blue eyes, flinching like your words had burned him. âYou didnâtâŚyou donâtâŚthink about me?â
âNo,â you told him honestly, another tear joining the one before it. âNever. Because if I let myself think about you, I wouldâve fallen apart. Iâm not strong enough, I wouldâve run to you, and every time I did that before, youâd let me down.â
âWhat about yesterday? What about this morning? Just think about the beach, everything was so good, it can be that way nowâŚâ
He reached out and cupped the side of your face, thumb brushing over the tears as he pulled you in toward him, kissing you out of sheer desperation. Like maybe if you tasted his lips, itâd transport you both back in time, back to the beach, back when heâd done and said everything right.Â
You allowed him to take you there for just a second, before the incident on the front walk flashed in your mind again, the pain of rejection like a knife to your gut. You pulled away from him quickly, side stepping him and moving to the other side of the kitchen, creating as much distance between you as possible.
âNo, no, you canât just kiss me and act like what just happened with Cassie didnât happen,â you shook your head rapidly, wiping your tear stained streaks with the backs of your hands. âI canât do this right now, I need some time to think.â
It required fighting every impulse he had, but he didnât push, didnât close the space between you, didnât try to regain the control he was so used to having. He just sighed deeply and nodded, eyes low.
âOkay, well let me know when youâre doneâŚthinking.â
With one last longing look at you, he stepped away to the basement steps, stopping at the top and turning halfway toward you.
âOh and that girl? The one who gave me her heart? For what itâs worth, I like her. Always have.â
With that, he was gone, the door clicking softly behind him.
Carter and Topper could hear you approach the bottom of the steps. Carter stood first, fully ready to greet you and grill you on everything that had happened since you last spoke. Topper could see all her questions and comments written on her face. He grabbed her hand and squeezed gently, stopping her before she marched down the stairs towards you. She looked at him in surprise but understood quickly as he gave her a slight shake of his head, whispering, âgive her some space.â
Reluctantly, she nodded, allowing him to lead her quietly down the hall and into his room.
Your footsteps were heavy on the stairs, body aching. Your brain was so fried you couldnât even pick one thing from the morning to focus on, like the part of your brain that processes events was temporarily out of order. So you stopped trying to think and just let your feet carry you to your bed, crawling under the covers in your clothes, falling quickly into a restless slumber.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
In your dreams, you were back in the kitchen with him, shoulder to shoulder in comfortable silence as you did the dishes together. Rafe washed and you dried.Â
Only, it wasnât the beach house kitchen, it was one youâd never been in before. And in that dream-state way of knowing something you donât actually know, you were sure it was a kitchen the two of you shared, sometime in the distant, unwritten future.
(to be continued)
a/n: I'm so sorry, I had to do it.......also the prom thing may or may not be based on a true story and I may or may not have cried writing it....
also Iâm sick and tired so I didnât edit much sorry for typos!
please note: the taglist for this series is closed. For updates when I post, follow @whytheylosttheirminds-works and turn on notifs <3
friendly reminder that writers live off of reblogs, donât forget to feed your faves! đ
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fic#obx fic#drew starkey#rafe obx#rafe fanfic#rafe fic#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron imagine#obx#outer banks#outer banks fic#topper thornton#x reader#rafe x reader#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron fluff#don't call me kid#topper obx
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18+ - mdni
ἍáĄ. rafe wants you to make yourself squirt on camera.
"There'ya go baby, push it out." Rafe praised you. "fuck, I love you."Â
You looked away from your glossy cunt to the bright flashlight of Rafe's phone camera lens. His left hand hovered the phone over your bare body, and his right hand roamed everywhere, peeling your wet folds back or caressing the meat of your thigh.Â
Rafe eyes stayed glued to his phone screen--which was just a digitalized version of you relentlessly pumping your fingers into your cunt, trying to make yourself squirt. Â
You felt Rafe's thumb peel back your fold again and begin to pinch your clit.Â
Rafe pinch had stung, but fuck did the extra stimulation felt good as you fucked yourself closer to your release.Â
"Fuck, push it out baby." Rafe told you once more, and you did as told and pushed your core right when you felt your release, but once more, nothing happened, causing you to get frustrated, and you told Rafe to cut.Â
"What is it baby?" Rafe asked you, kissing the side of your mouth and craddling your jaw.
"Rafe, I can't do this."
"I made you do it before." Rafe muttered into your skin. "Twice, actually." he smirked.
"Yeah, exactly." You said "You were the one to make me do it."
Rafe stopped pecking your jaw, "Y/n, you never made yourself squirt before?"
You shook your head 'no', and you could have sworn you saw Rafe's cock grow twice its size.
Rafe harshly gripped your head and quickly pecked you cheek. "Fuck, I love you. You don't know how much I really want to get this on video.â Rafe had nearly whined.
You whimper as Rafe gently leaned you back into your previous position and got ready to press record but before Rafe had pressed that red button he told you:
"Just some advice sweetheart, when you reach that special spot inside you, start to bend your fingertips."
And with that being said, he pecked your cheek once more and pressed the red button on his camera.
You started fingering yourself again with slow lingering pumps, that increased each thrust as Rafe praised you.
You arched your back into your touch, feeling the waves of pleasure building inside you. Rafe's words fueled your desire, and with each passing moment, the intensity of your movements grew.
"Look at my good girl, slutting herself out just for me." Rafe praised, putting his phone closer to your drooling pussy.
"Fuck, Rafe, I think I'm close" you whined.
"Bend your finger, baby and push." Rafe cooed.
You whimpered as Rafe's instructions sent a jolt of pleasure through your body.
Obligingly, you arched your back and bent your finger, feeling the sweet tension building within you. The anticipation was almost unbearable, the air thick with the heady scent of desire.
Rafe's gaze was intense as he watched every move you made, his voice husky with arousal.
With a final whisper of encouragement, you felt yourself teetering on the edge of ecstasy, ready to plunge into the abyss of pleasure he had so skillfully guided you towards.
And it wasn't long until you were pushing out your arousal--your squirt splashing everywhere, but mostly on Rafe and his phone.
You were spent.
Rafe let out a surprised yelp as the cold liquid splattered across his phone, his expression a mix of shock and disbelief.
In the sudden silence that followed, you both locked eyes, the air heavy with a mix of embarrassment and adrenaline.
As you caught your breath, a sheepish grin tugged at the corners of your lips, unsure of how to salvage the situation.
"Shit, looks like my phone and I just got baptized," Rafe quipped, filling the awkward tension.
a/n: I wrote this back in October but forgot to post it--oops.
as always, reblogs and comments keeps me motivated. đŤśđž
#crookedteethed#fanfiction#rafe cameron smut#fem reader#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#drew starkey#the obx#rafe smut#stranger things#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#rafe obx#outerbanks rafe#drew starkey smut#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks smut#outer banks#rafe x fem!reader
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If You Were My Little Girl II
Alexia Putellas x Teen!Reader
Summary: Things are looking up
Alexia watches from the stands.
They're mostly empty, like almost all Barcelona B matches.
Women's football has only really started picking up steam recently but only at the top flight. The lower level leagues are still having a bit of a popularity issue.
But Alexia, for once, finds that she doesn't mind.
Because it means she can sit practically alone in the stands as she watches the home match.
A notepad sits on her lap, a pen tapping against the pages thoughtfully as she watches.
Barcelona B are good and Alexia has never expected anything different. She's seen the system at work many times as La Masia churns out players like Aitana and Pina and Jana, and more recently Vicky and Martina.
There's a reason so many clubs wants La Masia products.
They're all good players but even now, Alexia can tell a great player when she sees one.
You rise up among the crowd in the box and slam the ball into the goal, the net rippling with the force of the shot.
The best part, Alexia thinks, is that you didn't even need a moment to control the ball, hitting it in on the volley and grinning as your teammates practically dogpile you.
A hattrick in ten minutes is impressive in any league and Alexia makes another note in her notebook, humming softly to herself.
She rises out of her seat at the end of the match, disappearing into the building and out the doors.
It takes another half an hour for you to appear again, hair damp and an old crew neck sweater that Alexia's pretty sure is Alba's being tugged over your head.
You slip into the passenger seat, throwing your bag into the backseat and Alexia pulls your head down to press a kiss against the side of it.
You smile shyly at her as she offers up the fries she'd bought for a job well done.
"You did good, kid," She says," Very impressive."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. But I think we're going to work on evading slide tackles next," Alexia says as she drives off," We're trying to keep those ankles of yours intact, alright? I'm going to need them this season."
You roll your eyes and Alexia clicks her tongue.
"Don't roll your eyes at me," She says," I've got a good feeling about that meeting later in the week. A great feeling, actually. You should have one too."
"I'm managing expectations."
Alexia looks at you fondly. "Well, we'll see which one of us is right in a few days."
She lets you choose the music in the car, like she always does when you've scored a goal and you pull up to the apartment a lot quicker than you want to seeing as you're in the middle of singing along to your favourite song but, still, you drag yourself out of the car and up the stairs.
"How was the match?" Olga asks as she greets Alexia with a kiss on the lips.
"She did very well," Alexia brags," A hattrick within the first ten minutes and another goal in injury time."
"Exciting," Olga says indulgently as Alexia grins, already giving her running commentary of everything that happened during the match.
You escape though, hurrying to raid the cupboards before Alexia finally comes to her senses and tries to stop you 'spoiling' your dinner.
You don't know if there's any way to thank Alexia for what she's done for you.
Just three months ago, you were convinced that you were going to quit. You had no passion for the game, no hope of what your future was going to be but now all of that had changed.
You had direction. You had a manager. You had new boots and a place to live that wasn't a group home and support and love and everything seemed to be coming together for you.
A toe pokes you in the leg.
"Move."
"Alexia says that if you're trying to nap on her sofa again then I don't have to move," You tell Alba, who huffs and pokes you with her toe again," She also says that you have your own apartment and should stop mooching of us."
"But Olga's a better cook than me," Alba complains and you roll your eyes.
"Aren't you an adult? Even I can cook."
"Yeah but it's not like you could mooch off your sist-"
Alba falls silent quickly and you pretend to not notice what she was going to say for both hers and your own sakes.
The topic of your sister is kind of off limits when you're in the room. It's not completely banned because Alexia's still Jenni's national teammate but she's not really spoken about if you're in the room.
Alba's face flashes with terror for a moment so you pretend you don't notice her slip up ever though it sends a bolt of lightning into your stomach, a deep pit forming there.
It works for the most part, everyone in the house pretending Jenni isn't who she is to you, pretending that she's just Alexia's teammate and not her friend and ex, pretending that Alexia fostering you isn't her walking on a tight rope because Jenni doesn't know.
All Jenni knows is that you didn't quit when she told you to.
Jenni doesn't know that you live with Alexia. Jenni doesn't know anything. You doubt she even thinks about you when she's got a life far away in Mexico.
She lives there, far away from you and your life here in Barcelona.
She lives there and her presence is hardly ever mentioned around you.
Life is good at Alexia and Olga's house. Life is even good at training, though you could do without the smug little smirk Alexia has on her face when she picks you up.
"You already knew!" You accuse her, waving a finger in her face.
"Knew?" She asks, lips curl up in what can only be described as pure smugness," Knew what?"
"Right, who told you? Go on. Who was it?"
Alexia grins. "You do realise I am the captain? Any time they're looking to bring someone in, they ask me my opinion."
You roll your eyes. "Yeah and I'm sure you gave it."
"You're a good player. A great player," Alexia says," All I did was tell them what they already know."
You look down at your lap, fidgeting with your fingers. You want to be mad at her, to yell at her for keeping this from you. Maybe even yell at her for promising to the staff something you're not but you know she hasn't done that.
If she thought you weren't ready, she would have told them that.
But Alexia didn't. She didn't tell them to let you have a bit more time with the B team. She didn't tell them that you don't quite have what it takes.
"Thanks."
Alexia smiles at you as she drives home, a comfortable silence enveloping you both until your hand is on the door handle.
You stop.
"When I open this door, there's going to be a party, isn't there?"
"I may have told Olga...who told Mami...who told Alba...who told the rest of the family..."
"Is that a yes?"
"Possibly..."
"And there's no getting out of this?"
Alexia ruffles your hair, a soft kiss being pressed to the side of your head. "They're here to celebrate you."
You suck in a breath, just ready to turn the handle when the sound of the lift doors opening chimes down the corridor.
Both you and Alexia turn your heads towards.
It's just a fleeting second.
Just a moment.
But your good mood plummets as the door opens.
Alexia's hand tightens on your shoulder, pushing you slightly behind her and putting herself between you and the elevator.
Between you and Jenni.
#woso x reader#alexia putellas x reader#alexia putellas#woso community#woso imagine#woso fanfics#woso
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Easy to Fall
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader
Word Count: 2.3K
Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for a while but the tension is building and you both feel youâre ready for the next step.
Authorâs Note: Love a shy and unsure Bucky! Especially when he finds his way and is just đŤ đ¤and special thanks to Sam for his encouragement hehe đthank you all for reading! Much love alwaysâ¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸ thank you lovely Daisy @firefly-graphics for the dividerđĽ°
Warnings: soft sweetness, fluff, fun, flirting, tension, lots of kisses, fingering, some oral (f rec), p in v, smut
âMaybe you should have a drink or somethinâ before she comes over?â
At Samâs sincere but pointless suggestion Buckyâs eyes lift from his phone and he just stares wide eyed.
âI wish that would help,â he says. âMaybe I should just cancel.â
âBuck,â Sam says, stepping around the kitchen island. âDonât. You know youâll kick yourself if you do that. You really like this girl. And itâs not the first time youâre hanging out. Why are you so nervous this time around?â
âThatâs exactly it though. I really like this girlâŚâ
Samâs eyebrows meet his hairline. âAnd?â
âIâm gonna fuck it up. Things are goodâŚreally good and I think weâre readyâŚâ
Buckyâs words trail off and Sam remains silent, expression still unsure.
âAw Wilson come on,â Bucky says with exasperation.
At Samâs continued silence Bucky turns spins around and runs a hand through his hair.
âWe havenâtâŚbut I thinkâŚâ
When Bucky turns to face Sam again the realization finally hits. âOh. OH!â Sam exclaims.
Bucky letâs out a defeated sigh.
Sam waves him off. âYou wonât fuck it up. Just relax and have fun. Enjoy each other. Let things happenâŚorganically.â
Now Bucky laughs. âOrganically orâŚ?â
âYou said it. Not me,â Sam chuckles with his hands up in defense.
After a beat of silence and unspoken camaraderie Bucky smiles.
âSheâll be here in half an hour. Get out.â
âAnd thereâs the Barnes I know!â Sam grins as he grabs his jacket. âGood luck!â
âWant something to drink doll?â Bucky calls out over his shoulder as you take off your shoes and drop your bag to the floor.
âIâve got beer, waterâŚjuice boxesâŚâ
You come up behind him in the kitchen, pressing yourself to his back and looking under his arm into the fridge.
âYou haveâŚjuice boxes?â
He shrugs, leaning into you, discreetly inhaling a whiff of your scent, and closing his eyes.
âBuck? Juice boxes?â
He blinks, looking back down into the fridge and focusing on the cold air hitting his face.
âI took Mrs. Adams food shopping last night and she always insists on getting me snacks.â
âYou have the nicest neighbors! Mrs. Adams is my favorite of the old ladies in your building!â
âWe can invite her to our wedding then,â he teases.
You laugh and lean up to kiss his cheek. âOne juice box please.â
âShe also got me Oreos, ice cream and tried to get me to buy condoms when I told her I had a hot date with you.â
âDoes she think you were going to get lucky tonight?â
âShe likes me to be prepared,â he says lightly.
âAnd well stocked on snacks apparently,â you giggle.
He grabs the juice boxes and Oreos and points to the living room.
âMe. You. A scary movie.â
âI barely got through the last one,â you sigh defeatedly.
âBut you did,â he says. âAnd remember, you can hide in my hoodie again.â
âProbably the best idea,â you say.
You sit down next to each other, arms and thighs touching, the feel burning through your clothes.
The crinkle of your straw wrapper crackles in the air and Bucky turns to you, watching as you cheekily puncture the top of the box and slide the straw into the side of your mouth.
âI love fruit punch.â
He keeps watching, his gaze fixated on your lips. Finally, he looks away from your mouth and back to the television.
âI like them all,â he says. âSugar.â
He starts the movie, and you settle back against the couch cushions, grabbing for an Oreo. The beginning scene lights up the screen and the suspense builds almost immediately. Something jumps out and Bucky flinches and fumbles his Oreo.
âYou okay there, Barnes?â you ask with a smirk. âEven I knew that was coming.â
âMy mind was occupied. Lost my focus.â
You shake your head and look back at the screen. âDo I want to know?â
âProbably. But Iâm not tellinâ ya.â
The movie continues and you inch closer to him until youâre resting under his arm and against his chest. Your face is half hidden in his hoodie and youâve got a death grip on his wrist, holding it to keep his hand in front of your eyes.
âYou could use your own hand you know,â he jokes.
âBut yours is so much bigger!â you whine and tense when you hear the creepy music come to a crescendo.
Before anything jumps out in the movie Bucky sneakily moves his free hand toward you then shouts and pokes you in the side.
You scream and jump up.
âOH MY GOD! You did not just do that!!!
He smiles sweetly, eyes bright and full of mischief.
You reach for your empty juice box and hurl it at his face. Your eyes widen when he deftly catches it and throws it right back at you, hitting you squarely in the chest.
A beat of silence and stillness passes before you lunge for him, shoving him back on the couch before lifting a pillow and smacking him in the face with it.
Your unrestrained laughter hits him right in the chest, and heâs unprepared for your assault, cough-laughing through a flurry of your fingers digging down and tickling roughly.
He bucks up beneath you, growing more aware of your precarious arrangement of limbs, and advances toward you on the couch, swatting at your hands, and darting his fingers between your arms to tickle your ribs.
With his other hand he grabs a pillow from behind you and uses it to hit you right in the face. You shove at him hard, sending him right off the couch and onto the floor, where you dive on top of him, pinning him down, wrestling in earnest.
Youâre laughing and yelling and one of you knocks the containers of Oreos onto the floor and it crumbles under you leg when he rolls you over to hover above, getting the upper hand.
He finds the place on your waist that, when prodded with a long finger, makes you cry out in hysterics.
His fingers dance up your sides and under your shirt, the feel of your warm skin only egging him on until his fingertips brush the lace edge of your bra.
At the same time, you both seem to realize that heâs over you, lying completely on top of you, situated between your legs with his hand up your shirt and, in unison, you both freeze.
You have two tight fistfuls of his shirt in your hands and your eyes travel the slow path from where his hand is hidden up to his face.
Your breath catches and you let your legs slide up over his hips. Your body gives beneath his and heâs suddenly intensely aware of the soft warmth between your legs and the press of your curves against him.
âDoll?â he murmurs.
You suck your bottom lip into your mouth to stop from smiling.
He presses forward, not much but just enough to feel more. Your lips part and you watch a pink blush creep up his neck and onto his cheeks.
âBucky.â
âFuck,â he growls, bending and pressing his mouth to your neck as he starts to rock against you.
He nearly comes at the sound you make, soft and restrained.
âKissing you again is all I could think about since our last date,â he admits as his lips trail along your neck.
âJust kissing?â you ask, nearly breathless.
He smirks and kisses you again. A kiss you feel from the place where you lips meet to the tips of your curling toes.
When he pulls away and sits up you mourn the loss of him, but then he falls back down onto the couch and takes you with him so youâre straddling his lap.
His hand slips between your legs to rub you over your leggings, going slow enough that he can check in with you, his expression soft but his eyes heated.
You tilt your head and brush your lips to his, moaning when he rubs small circles right where you need it.
âIâŚâ he starts, his breathing heavy as he slowly slips his fingers inside your pants.
âPlease Bucky.â
Itâs all he needs to hear as his fingers stop teasing and dip between your legs, sliding into your panties to where youâre ready and wet.
He takes your hand and holds it over his cock, and rocks into your palm. You can see the shape of him beneath the denim of his jeans, long and pressed against his stomach.
A wave of heat flashes beneath your skin and you grab for the bottom of his shirt, lifting it up and over his head. His mouth meets yours and he drags his teeth over your bottom lip.
His fingers push deeper, and you arch into him, his satisfied hiss swallowed by your mouth. Your hands fall to his jeans, and you work open the button and pull down the zipper, reaching in and wrapping your hand around him.
âOh god.â
He slumps against the back of the couch and watches, his darkened blue eyes dragging from where youâre touching him to where heâs touching you.
His cock is perfect, just like the rest of him.
âPants off,â you breathe out. âPlease.â
You lift up and wait while he shoves them down his thighs. Before you can sit on his lap again he grabs your hips and pins you in place in front of him, hooking his thumbs into the fabric at your waist and slowly peeling it down your legs.
âFuck baby doll. Look at you.â
Everything in you catches fire when his fingers slide up the inside of your thigh and he sucks in a breath-youâre skin is wet and glistening-and looks at you like youâre a meal and heâs deciding what to eat first.
He makes a guttural sound, and it vibrates down to your bones when his eyes meet yours. His fingers slide over you, dipping inside and teasing. His other hand smooths along the curve of your ass and he pulls you closer, kissing your stomach and then lower, where he licks softly, his nose a soft brush against your skin.
Your hands fall to his hair, and you tug hard, eliciting a moan from the back of his throat. Your stomach begins to tighten, and you whisper his name, giving his head a light push.
âI want to come with you inside me,â you purr.
He licks his lips and reluctantly leans back against the couch, gripping his cock and calling you closer with a crook of finger then guides you over his lap again.
He leans in and tugs off your shirt, kissing along your collarbone and down to your breasts, teasing your nipple with his teeth and moaning around it.
You sink down slowly, and he sits back against the cushions to watch where heâs disappearing inside you.
âDoll.â
You move over him, slowly.
âFuck you look incredible.â
His hands settle on your waist, gripping softly but strong enough to keep the rhythm. He kisses you like he still canât believe heâs doing it, and you adjust the position of your knees and you both gasp as you bottom out, your ass coming to rest on his thighs.
âOh Bucky,â you moan, pressing your face to his neck while you catch your breath.
His palms smooth along the curve of your spine and down to your waist and he presses his fingers into your hips, rocking you faster then slow again.
âI want you in my bed,â he says through a grunt. âI want to spread you out under me. I want to kiss and feel every inch of you.â
He sits up, nips at your neck before sucking gently. You kiss for what feels like forever and your movements narrow into small rocks forward and back, just feeling him inside you. You try to keep it together when he reaches down, and his thumb starts moving in practiced circles over your clit.
Your hands dig into his hair, steering his mouth back to your breasts and watching as he captures your nipple with his tongue. He bares his teeth, sliding them over the sensitive flesh and you cry out, feeling him twitch inside you.
The tightening in your belly builds and heâs watching you, watching the way you move together and the place where your bodies connect. You follow his gaze and look down, the way the muscles in his stomach clench, where the beads of sweat have collected in the dip where his dog tags lay. You circle your hips, and he groans, tightening his grip where he holds you.
âFuck baby. Do that again.â
You do, moving over him and using the back of the couch for leverage. He throws his head back.
âIâm soâŚIâmâŚâ he says between gasps of air.
His fingers return to your clit with renewed enthusiasm and with each rock of your hips and each thrust of his the cord around your spine tightens until his name is spilling from your parted lips.
He presses up into you, hard and fast and over and over until heâs coming with a long, helpless groan against your shoulder.
With such softness it steals your breath, he reaches up and cups the back of your neck, bringing your lips to his and whispering, âstay with me tonight.â
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes fluff#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader
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you donât understand how mc is literally me and i am here. sheâs me to a molecular level. no joke, i never read an mc that was so deeply similar to me it hit me like a gut punch.
reading this while listening to the playlist was truly an experience (which was so good btw i LOVE your music taste). can we talk about how absolutely gorgeous your writing is for a second??? the way you craft your sentences are so satisfyingly beautiful itâs insane!! some of my favorite quotes:
âIt flutters frantically in it, making a grand fight to reach that false moonlight, only to drop away when it realizes that itâs being burnt. You watch it rinse and repeat, relentless and sure, for who knows how long. Itâs no special mothâno luna moth or the ones with the pretty pink wingsâbut the light falls down on it and colors it a pleasant stardust silver.â
âTaking those steps, the massive and terrifying ones from adolescence into adulthood, meant agreeing that this form of your life was over.â
âThat passion and love wasnât gone from you, it blazed strong in your veins. This blaze wasnât the kind that kept you warm and excited to push forward into life, though. It had morphed into something that scalded you when you got too close or started imagining yourself pursuing its call. Itâs a taunting silvery glow, no longer a guiding north star.â
âYou clutch childhood to your chest like a wild animal guarding scarce food; you refuse. You refuse to acknowledge its end.â
ââYou donât get it. You are the music. Every single song is about you. Every single fucking song is about you. I want you to come with me, please. I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you, and I thought youâd loved me too, and I donât want to do this alone. I canât do it alone.ââ
i donât know if youâve ever read this book, but the vibes of this fic reminds me a lot of the starless sea by erin morgenstern!! literally my favorite book EVER. if you havenât read it then i think you would like it a lot!! ^^
this is truly one of those types of stories that you come across and it just makes you absolutely fall in love with reading. the type that makes you want to pick up a pencil and feverishly write out the story thatâs been in your head for years. if this story was a song, to me it would be dog days are over by florence + the machine. it just gives you that feeling that everything will work out and everything will be okay and this too shall pass. i love it so so much and iâm so happy that you decided to share it with the world so that people like me and so many others could come across it and read it for themselves! âĄâĄâĄ
đŻEART đORM ⸺ hueningkai âË´ËË
  ⨞đ˘Ö´ŕť ËË đđ˘artđ đŹrm
[đ]. a relationship or friendship that you can't get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.
⸺ listen to the playlist .á â§Ë
ăďš đź ďšâI was just... wondering,â you say, blood roaring. "Well, Yeonjun wants me to come over to his place this weekend, and... Iâve never...â Sucking in a quick breath, you just spit it out to get it over with, âWould you be my first kiss, Kai?âÂ Ë ď˝¤ď˝¤
wc â 17.9k
đairings childhood bsf!kai x reader (lowkey soulmates?) ⤡ ft. asshole!yeonjun x reader
đ˘ â; smut Ë angst Ë some fantasy
đ´arnings angst, family issues, fingering, jealousy (iâm sorry i just love ts), yeonjun really is an asshole, orgasm denial, thigh fucking, unprotected sex (they're stupid!), strength kink a lil bit, breeding kink, possessiveness, creampie, choking... i think that's all, lmk if i missed any
âŕ ashlynn's note omg. this was such a fun palate cleanser to write. this wasn't supposed to be as big as it is, but it just kept getting bigger and bigger, and i got super into the story. this kai is SOOOO!! yeah. iâm so nervous posting this because iâve only ever posted TSFAWC, butâŚ. here you areee (^^;; this is not proofread, so if you see a mistake... give me a sec. i'll get to it. hehe
Though you fan your hand furiously over your face, the little breezes washing over your clammy skin are not enough. The air is thick and heavy with summerâs heat. So thick that you almost feel it each time you swallow. Itâs better than just letting yourself melt away, though. The cushion at your back doesnât help much. It holds your warmth and returns it to you the longer you sit slumped back into it. You suffer it thoughâyouâve gone too sluggish to move. Â
You let a leg dangle over the arm of a chair, watching a hopeful moth dance in the light of the buzzing porch light overhead. It flutters frantically in it, making a grand fight to reach that false moonlight, only to drop away when it realizes that itâs being burnt. You watch it rinse and repeat, relentless and sure, for who knows how long. Itâs no special mothâno luna moth or the ones with the pretty pink wingsâbut the light falls down on it and colors it a pleasant stardust silver. Â
You delight in letting your conscious brain turn off to watch it. It lets you forget the sweltering under your skin, and also that Kai had drug you out here. His dad gives him shit when he plays inside, but itâs way too hot to be out here. Isnât it supposed to cool off after the sun goes down? It doesnât feel like it. The deep acoustics are drowned out each time a car whirrs by. Playing outside should be the best option, but you and Kai live right on a busy road. Â
When the roar of some car going ten miles over the speed limit doesnât obscure his playing, though, you admire the intricacy of it. His fingers work up and down the neck, jumping frets that you imagine would be impossible to anybody without those long fingers of his. You had always been a loud supporter of his playing, even way back when the most he could play were simple chords, but you became especially so when a few years back he put a guitar in your hands and tried teaching you. Even with his fingers guiding yours, it was quick to learn that the effortlessness with which Kai handles the instrument is hard earned. Â
He practices on the acoustic guitar, but thatâs not his domain. With houses just a dash across the street from each other, Kai had grown up at your home more than he had at his own. So vividly, you remember the stars in his eyes when heâd listen to your dadâs music. Metallica, The Smashing Pumpkins, Linkin Park, any of it. He had fallen in love with it a long time ago. Your whole life you knew that it was only a matter of time before he was in his own band, chasing his dreams with a boundless mind and an indelible vision of himself on stage. How had that time come so soon, though? You donât know if the notebooks full of inky lyrics that live wherever he deems inspiration might hit him make you proud or nervous. Heâs making good on his dazzling aspirations, and you?Â
You speak finally into the air, cutting through heat waves and his music and the night. âIsnât it weird that weâre not going back to school after this summer?âÂ
He doesnât have to even stop playing to answer you. Playing comes to him as a second nature. âKinda,â he answers, brown eyes flitting up to you. âBut itâs not like you wonât be back to it in September. College is the same shit.âÂ
The leg youâd been dangling and bouncing pauses. Thatâs right; youâre supposed to be going to that college youâd chosen because it was only a three-hour drive away from here. You pluck at the seatâs threadbare fabric, and the moth, still there, becomes oh-so-interesting once again. When his playing stops, you drop your head back with a cushioned thud and a groan that you wrangle in your throat.Â
âWhy are you acting like that?â he says, voice gone sharp like accusation. He doesnât even know the truth, but heâs known you too long.
Canât you just keep secrets for yourself, sometimes?
Kai, arms clad in a well-loved hoodie even in this dreadful weather, lays the guitar down. You maintain your silence. âSeriously, what?âÂ
Some secrets have timers, though. This one could only last you until about September, or even August when he realizes that youâre not preparing to return to school. A controlled sigh from your chest isnât enough to soothe the nerves that sparks. âNothing.âÂ
âSecrets, huh?â Kai says. When you do finally look to him, black spikes of hair frame his eyes and the accusation in them.Â
Itâs a simple poke, but it gets under your skin as sharp as any thorn might. Itâs not like you donât keep secrets from him, and youâre sure he keeps some from you too. But those are the little kinds, the inconsequential onesâlike I ate already when asked why youâre not eating or like Yeah, Iâm fine when itâs been a bad day. You donât hide this kind of stuff from each other. Usually, youâd run over to his place to tell him whateverâs bothering you. Why not, when heâs known even the worst details of your life for almost the entirety of it? Youâve been holding this one close to your chest since somewhere around the end of senior year, though. The longer you let it fester, the worse your nervousness snowballs. âCâmon, Kai. Letâs not do this. Can you keep playing?âÂ
He doesnât like that, of course. But you watch recognition dawn over his chocolate brown eyes, helpless to stop it. âYouâre not going,â he says. Itâs not a question nor a suspicion, itâs a bone-dry fact. Â
Well. There that goes. You want to tear every hair on your head right out. Why had you even thought youâd keep him in the dark about it? When heâs not out in some garage making music, you two are together. The conversation was going to stroll by at some point; this was only inevitable. His disappointment radiates off him in waves and blisters you. He hasnât even said anything yet, but you know exactly what he thinks of it. Itâs why you kept it from him in the first place. Â
Your silence is enough confirmation for him. âWhy?â he says. âI thought you were excited to move out.âÂ
Wincing, you nod slowly. You were. Even went through the whole application process, along with most other kids your age. Ultimately, you never went through with declaring a college. You donât exactly know why, but somewhere weaseled down in the shadowy recesses of your soul, you know. Taking those steps, the massive and terrifying ones from adolescence into adulthood, meant agreeing that this form of your life was over. It meant that at some point, youâd be moving away from here to where living your days away in Kaiâs room would not be a choice. Everybody has to do it eventually, you know that. Kaiâs music gig could take off any day, too. Heâs going to make it happen. And then what? All this stalling and wishing on just a bit more time would mean nothing, heâd be off and chasing that dream. As excited as you are for it to finally become reality for him, thereâs a nasty bitterness thatâs budded in your chest, infecting your person. Â
Canât things just stay like this?Â
âI was,â you say. It comes out of your mouth heavy. Â
âThen why arenât you going?â he says. Crickets, never seen but always heard, sing their song into the nightâs darkness. âYou didnât get rejected. Youâre too smart for that.âÂ
An ache sits heavily somewhere near the center of your chest, maybe over your heart. All those good grades, nights spent bent over a desk and AP paperworkâyouâre wasting it. You shake your head. âNo... just...â Itâs an effort to dress your thoughts in a way that might appease him. A quiet moment stretches with your thinking before you continue, âI donât know what I want to do.âÂ
He doesnât like that, the yellow wash of the overhead light dancing over his taut lips and hard eyes. âDonât know what you want to do?â he says, bringing his legs up onto the seat to crisscross them. He wears his favorite jeans. Theyâre heel-bitten and baggy enough over his legs that he can wear them around the house without any bother. âYouâve wanted to be an artist your whole life. You know exactly what you want to do.âÂ
Your chest only seems to ache harder. When the both of you were only young and hopeful, you both had big dreams. Kai was going to be the face of a metal band, and you were going to be an artist. A painter, potter, sculptor, even doing animation for those big companies like Dreamworks and Disney. You wanted any of it, just as long as you were doing art. Youâd even promised him that youâd do the cover art for his albums with interlocked pinkies and flushed, hopeful cheeks. That passion and love wasnât gone from you, it blazed strong in your veins. This blaze wasnât the kind that kept you warm and excited to push forward into life, though. It had morphed into something that scalded you when you got too close or started imagining yourself pursuing its call. Itâs a taunting silvery glow, no longer a guiding north star. Taunting words of family members stamped down on that hope hard. When you were little, it was said lighthearted and in passing. The older you got, though, the more serious their faces became. They wouldnât say it outright perhaps, but you hear what they think well enough. Art is a dead-end career. Â
Shifting in your seat, you tell him, âI donât know.âÂ
âWhat do you mean?â Kai says. âThere are good colleges for that.âÂ
âI just... donât know.âÂ
Shaking his head, he tells you, âBut you love it.âÂ
You do. In its every form, you love creating. But loving it doesnât mean that itâs right for you, or that you should trust your future in its hands. âI think I can do it in my own time,â you say, finally pushing yourself upright from the cushion. âDonât wanna kill the passion by doing it for a living, you know?âÂ
He thinks on that for a moment. âIf you love it, you should do it,â he says.Â
An awful frustration bubbles in your chest. Kai has always had a clear life path, the steps ahead of him set in stone and waiting for him to follow in them. Itâs hard for him to see why you might not want to do the same. Thereâs nothing that makes you as happy as the fact that he has it all figured out, that he knows just where heâs going and that heâs so incredible at it that he doesnât have to worry about meeting the requirements, but your path seems obscured and untrodden. Punctuating a deep, resonant sigh, you say, âItâs not that easy, Kai.âÂ
âIf youâre not doing that, then what are you going to do? Are you just going to settle for a nine-to-five?â he says full of accusation, the tapping on his knees gone still. Â
A dry laugh, you say, âMaybe Iâll marry a super rich guy and just do my art for a living. No nine-to-five.âÂ
His face flashes. Heâd always been a bit reserved, especially around others, but he bared his emotions freely around you. You hold them dearly to your chest and made sure to do your best to make good on that trust. He says, âYouâre more than some guyâs housewife.âÂ
Cheeks radiating in the heat, you snort. âI know, dork. Iâm a rockstarâs best friend. Itâs my personal favorite achievement.â Â
His face sours when you reach out and pinch hard at his cheek, but he doesnât pull away or brush you off. The skin there is warmed and clammy. Really, the two of you should go meet the cool AC inside before you suffer heat stroke. But this moment feels so niceâyour shoulders feel tons lighter without something to hide. If you had it your way, things would stay like this forever. Just the two of you, sat here like you have so many times before, just taking for granted the time youâve got together. Â
His mouth opens to banter, probably something about how heâs not a rockstar yet or to get you back for calling him a dork. Wingbeat and sterling dashes about your face send the image into a blur, though. Youâre a quick mess of limbs and a whipping head, as if itâll chase the thing away from you.Â
âSeriously?â Kai says. Youâd climbed halfway over him, elbows digging into him and knee doing a number on his thigh. âItâs a moth. Youâre not scared of moths.âÂ
Lingering for a few moments later to ensure the flying thing was nowhere on you or around you, you hold back a laugh before you climb off him and fix your hair with undignified tucks behind your ears. âHe was in my face,â you say around a laugh, because you know it was a bit too much. Nobody likes wings in their ears and spindly legs in their face, though, and youâre in no control of what you do when anything with six legs tries and get too friendly. Even moths. Â
âYou just wanted me to protect you,â he says. A sarcastic, shit-eating smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. Â
âOh,â you scoff, batting your eyelashes and clasping your hands together all saccharine-sweet. âYes, Romeo, wonât you kill that bug for me? This girlâs heart just canât take it!âÂ
Kaiâs nose crinkles, and the playful light twists into a glare. âNasty.âÂ
âThatâs how you sounded,â you say. âI only reacted accordingly.â Laughing, you kick your legs out over his lap and sprawl back out. He takes the guitar back into his hands.Â
As much as you want to escape the mugginess, youâll survive it for just a little while longerâif only with the force of an indulgent heart. The eternal moments are those you allow to linger. Â
ââÂ
Some things, you forget when youâre older. Maybe itâs timeâs hand, eroding memories down and stuffing more in the longer you live to experience them. But also maybe because theyâre the sort of things you canât say in the adult world without a laugh in the face and a look from down their noses. Â
This memory is one of those forgotten things. Itâs moth-bitten and dusty, something you one day folded up in a moving box and decided to never revisit.Â
Youâd been down at the creek. Kai and you had spent so many summer days there. It wasnât too far from home, just past the filbert trees and into the shallow neck of the backwoods, but there you were out of sight and free to get up to nothing good. It was a wonder your mom ever let you do it. Kaiâs dad didnât care too much where he went or what he did, but your mom dug her claws in deep. You like to think that she imagined you two would have each other, if anything ever happened.Â
Usually, youâd be there holding your jeans up from the stream and Kai would be letting his jeans go dark with it. The bite of water was nice as it washed over warm skin. Fun was a simple thing to find, then. You dug your fingers into the mudbanks and tossed stones way too big to be throwing at each other, just because you two remembered how much the adults hated it when you did. Then, youâd drag tired limbs home avoiding sweetgum tree spikes that had fallen to the ground and dug splinters out from your feet. Â
This day, you had been in the blackberry bushes. It was maybe late July or early August, and theyâd gotten heavy on their branches. Youâd waited until the smell of them, summer-warmed, was sweet and cloying in the air to pick them. With buckets in your hands, you plucked only the fattest berries from their bunches. Your fingers were stained a delightful purple and perhaps a bit thorn raw, but you didnât mind much then. You plucked for hours, and it was dusk before you could catch it. Dinner was no doubt waiting for you back home.Â
âThereâs a bunch over here,â Kai had said. He reached a long boyish arm, still awkward and lanky with puberty, up high for ripe bush. You finished off picking before climbing around thick branches sticking out to take a peek. A bunch, there was.Â
When you went to drop a handful of them into your bucket, Kai hissed. Heâd been snagged by a vicious looking branch, those ones as thick as a finger with thorns to match and youâd warn each other tongue-in-cheek to watch out for that one. Heâd worn those ridiculous shorts that day, the ones that looked half pants half shorts with how long and baggy they were, and the claws of the bush had jumped at the opportunity. At first the scrapes were white, but then red blood crawled out and down his leg. Â
âKai,â you said, some parts chiding and some parts just wondering how heâd managed that. You surveyed his leg for a bit, and then determined that he should wash his leg off in the stream. He walked there strong, but of course you noticed the hobble beneath his acting. When you squatted down into the dry grass and cupped water to wash off his leg, you laughed.Â
âWhat?â he had said, holding the shorts up. You covered your laugh with a hand, but it erupted past your palm. You remember the glare on his face very well. Â
You still laughed. âYouâre stupid,â you had told him.Â
âI didnât see it,â he said. âI tripped over it because it was sticking out.âÂ
That time when you brought your hands to catch some water, there was a twinkle in its surface. You didnât notice it for a second. The creek moved fast and you could see a lot of things in its reflection. When it lingered, thatâs when your brows furrowed. It seemed to twirl, dancing around like alive over the stones.Â
The sound of Kaiâs voice remains with you. âHey,â he had said, strong to call your attention but also wavered with uncertainty.Â
When you looked up, there was silver dust dancing around you.Â
It was fluffy and whorling, fine silver stardust. Itâd moved weightless in the air, as though it barely existed. In the center of it were a few moths. They seemed to be made of sterling powder just as the dust was, and they glowed against duskâs backdrop. If your memory serves you right, there had been a sweet hymn of coos from them. They beckoned you. Summerâs heat felt lighter, and so did your chest. You wondered where they had wanted you to go.Â
Almost afraid that if you spoke they might have fluttered away, you whispered soft and low to Kai. âWhat is that?â He was stood frozen there, pant leg still scrunched up in his fist. Stardust glowed soft in his brown eyes while he took it all in, you remember. It wasnât a scared frozen. You werenât scared, eitherârather, it was as if that lightness had found its way into the core of your being and brushed over it with mending hands.Â
He whispered back, âI donât know.â How could he have known? It was absurd.Â
Those whisps had beckoned you, flowing toward the deeper woods. The soft moths, their murmuring brushing up against your ears, seemed to wait for you to follow. You remember a pull, soft tendrils wrapping themselves around your heart and the yearning it planted there. Â
But there was also this reluctance, a bone-deep answering that had told you: No. Youâre not ready.Â
âKai, I wanna go,â you told him.Â
You didnât even need to tell him twice. Berry buckets forgotten; the journey home was a stranger one. When your dad asked why you returned from berry picking emptier handed than you had left the house, Kai and you only shared a look. You pair kept that evening at the creek hidden so well that it became more forgotten than shared secret. Â
ââÂ
Once, you had been the type of girl that loved being around family. Some of your favorite days of your life were spent in this living room, T.V. roaring over bouncing conversation. Some of those nights ended in rosy cheeks and laughs, and some ended with words thrown angry like fireworks. You never knew which youâd be getting, but you endured the fear of not knowing because it was a simple loveâthe basic kind built with biology into you the moment your infant skin touched your motherâs. You endured it because eventually, sleep washed away the bad taste left in your mouth and you forgave them quick, sometimes quicker than you ought to, and things would go on as if it hadnât even happened. You endured it because you could handle its burden, if only to feel the warmth you feel when itâs a good day. Â
Kai was always thereâhis dad was hardly home, so he found family in yours. When you were younger, youâd been embarrassed he was there for caustic, spitted words and intimate fights. Now, youâre just grateful for his shoulder. Â
So, yes. Once, you had loved being around your family. But things feel tenser now, nights spent all together less frequent and when they do happen, theyâre tainted by a strange air. You think that this strangeness is new, but an awful worry also makes you think that itâd always been there, that you only feel it now because youâve grown into your adult mind. A hollow ache stakes its claim in your chest, declaring that it wonât leave until you find that youthful ignorance and joy once more. You think that it might stay there forever.Â
Bare feet bounding down the stairs, you make a rare appearance downstairs. The cupboard is only half open to make way for a snack raid before your momâs voice cuts through the air. You know quickly just by the look on her face that you shouldâve stayed upstairs.Â
âHey,â she says, gathering laundry into a basket. âYouâve been applying to jobs?âÂ
With an anxious belly, you tell her, âYeah. A few. Theyâre not really, like, ideal, but I sent applications.â You donât remember when it got hard to look into your motherâs eyes, but you canât bring yourself to do so now. Â
âNot ideal?â she says. âItâs not like you can be picky. Mcdonalds or wherever, I donât care, youâre going to need to get a job if youâre staying here.âÂ
âI know. I applied,â you reiterate around a mumble. You close the cabinets, not so interested in a snack anymore. âI just... I donât know, ma. I donât want to do that for a living, going between those sorts of jobs.âÂ
Face hard and abrasive against the truth you bare, she does that awful taunting smile that makes you feel small. Stupid. âYouâre not going to college, so thatâs what itâs gonna be. You canât sit up there and draw for a living. Youâve gotta get into the real world, get some real experience.â Â
Thereâs a burst of hurt in your chest, dazzling and gnawing. Sheâs getting closer to saying how she really feels about your dreams out loud every day. Your face burns and so do your eyes, knot thick in your throat. âYeah, okay. Got it,â you say, nodding. Youâre at the front door before you even know it, slipping on shoes and fighting the greatest internal battle to will back tears. Sheâd use those against you, no doubt about it. âIâm going to Kaiâs,â you throw over your shoulder. Â
Whatever she barks back at you, youâre glad you donât hear. Bells on some old Christmas decoration hung on the door that had yet to be taken down, even into summer, jingle and wash it away for you.Â
Kaiâs brows shoot up when he opens the door to your face crumpling. Youâd done so well at damming it up, but the wall cracks and the water crashes through once you see him. If it were anybody else, youâd feel icky and attention seeking, but youâd held Kai to your chest through gut-wrenching sobs as much as heâs done it for you. Without question, he takes you into his arms, warm hand running up and down your back. The warm soothing is so familiar. You melt right into it. Â
He keeps you there for a long moment. Then, his chest rumbles as he tells you, âCome on.â The walk through the AC to his bedroom is nice. Having a house like Kaiâs to come to where it can just be you is nice, too. You step around the mess of clothes and scattered belongings on his floor like you have a muscle-memory roadmap of his room. Boxsprings creak and hard mattress welcome you back home. His room is dark as always, a night-dweller you call him. The array of peeling band posters plastered over walls you two had painted blue some years ago, when itâd been his favorite color, donât help to lighten it up. He keeps a low lamplight on. Â
âShe never listens to me,â you say, crying gone to occasional sniffles from your chest. You rest your cheek on your bent knee.Â
âI know,â he says. âBut at least she cares about you. Pays attention to you.â His voice is soft and deep and right next to you. Always right next to you, there for you even when you might not appreciate it as you should. Â
His dad cares too little what he does, and yours care too much. The grass is always greener on the other side, you know it. Still, you hold a fantasy where youâre able to do teenager stuff. Where youâd allow yourself to do bad things, because you werenât so intent on painting yourself with their will. You two hold eyes for a long moment, your twinkling ones caught in that steady brown. âI just want to get away. Be my own person.â Your words are muffled in the softness of your skin.Â
âYou had the chance to do it,â Kai says, hand playing with your fingers. âBut you didnât.âÂ
Holding your legs closer, you lick your lips. What do you say to that? Would it ever be the time to tell him that you did it because you think that your soul is pathetically intertwined with his, and that it might snuff your lifeforce out to even try pursuing life without him? Without this? How do you tell him that youâre so frozen and unwilling to pursue any sort of future because it means accepting that this chapter is over? You clutch childhood to your chest like a wild animal guarding scarce food; you refuse. You refuse to acknowledge its end. Â
âKai,â is all you say, trembled and thick. Itâs not just your motherâs words that dig at you and tear to shreds the last bits of what dreaming you had left in you, but so many other reality checks too. This isnât the first time youâve heard those sorts of words, urging you forward. You can only dig your heel into the ground for so long before youâre swept away in timeâs ruthless, endless moving. Â
He understands. Lifting your face with warm fingers against your cheeks, he says, âHey. How about we go get ice cream, or something?âÂ
Ice cream does sound nice. âDairy Queen?âÂ
Smirk tugged over his mouth, he says, âYes, Dairy Queen. A blizzard. Câmon, letâs go.â Sliding off the bed, he offers you an urging hand up.Â
But you falter. âI donât know if we can. Sheâs mad at me. I donât think sheâll let me go.âÂ
âLet you go?â he says, eyes narrowed. âShe doesnât have to let you go. Youâre an adult now, you go if you want to.â He offers his hand to you again.Â
Itâs so him, freely going wherever he ordain it. The bullheadedness is very him, as well. Always the devil on your shoulder, he was the root of any rebellious thing youâve ever done. He could never understand your apprehension, or why getting in trouble was such an awful thing to you. âI have to ask to get money.âÂ
Brows pinching, he says, âYou think Iâm not gonna pay for you? You donât need them to give you money, Iâll pay. Iâll take care of it.â He drags you up from the bed this time. âLive a little. Do you want to go?âÂ
It was never the punishments or the getting in trouble that you were scared of, though. Disappointment was a scarier word than grounded. Sneaking out and those sorts of things, itâs not like you had angel wings at your back and never considered them. Itâs that you are deeply, utterly terrified of changing how they look at you. You begin to tell him, âI do, butââÂ
He cuts you off, adamant. âThen do it. Letâs go. If you want to go, then go,â he says. âAt some point, your life needs to become your own. Itâs not sneaking out when youâre graduated and eighteen years old, itâs going wherever the hell you want. Youâve... Youâre gonna end up stuck here, in this town, forever. You donât deserve that.âÂ
That sounds like both the best and the worst thing youâve ever heard. You take his hand. Â
ââÂ
Your frozen fingers nurse your ice cream. The cup itself is cold, but the Dairy Queen on your side of town is always thirty degrees below what it should be. Itâd always been that way. Even way back when you two couldnât drive, youâd get dropped off here to escape the melting weather and get a frozen treat with a handful of dollars. Each time, youâd start off sagging with the relief of summerâs weight off your shoulders and left the place shivering and sugar-mouthed. Â
Itâs really only you two in here. You crinkle your nose when he takes a spoonful. âOut of all the flavors...âÂ
Unbothered and no doubt expecting you to say it, he offers you a flat, âYou get your flavor, I get mine.â He makes a point of taking an extra-long bite. His lips linger around the red plastic of the spoon and his brows rest high in silent challenge. Â
The corners of your lips twitch up. âHmm. Well. I just have a hard time believing that Oreo... or, like, brownie fudge, is right there, and you actually want M&M. I donât get how M&M your favorite.â A familiar banter falls over your tongues. Your heart buzzes and your cheeks radiate. This is the first youâve done this all summer, and itâll be weaning off into fall soon. Any other summer, you wouldâve been here on all the hottest days. You hate that Kaiâs been so busy with his music; you hate that you can hear the resounding ticks of the clock counting down your time. You also hate that the stubborn depths of you still believe that if you freeze yourself here in stasis that the world will relent and stop along with you.Â
You look over the sharp lines of Kaiâs jawline as it feathers with his chewing, and the broadness of his shoulders where his jacket stretches around it, and the starkness of his collarbones against his chest and the bobbing of his adamâs apple when he swallows. No, time doesnât stop. Some of him remains the same, though. In it, you see the boy that had love creeping up on you so long ago, with all its aching and all its hope. That freckle on the column of his neck, the bump in his nose leading down to the button tip that beckons your lips to steal a quick kiss. Â
And, those lips. Theyâre as soft as ever around the discontented grimace he pulls. âM&M isnât my favorite.âÂ
With a pursed mouth and patronizing brows arched over your eyes, you say, âOh, huh. Thatâs funny, because if my memory serves me right, itâs the only flavor youâve ordered for the past... six years.â Â
Kai husks a laugh at that. âThatâs because they havenât had my favorite for years,â he tells you, scooping up the final bit and then pushing it off to the side. âIt was a blizzard of the month that they discontinued. The blackberry cheesecake one. I made peace with it, though. It lives on in my heart.â He grins, arms crossed over his chest and his back settled into the booth seat to let you finish your cup. Â
âBlackberry cheesecake,â you say, voice made taunting. Your nod is slow and taunting, too. âWell, forget M&Ms.Why would blackberry cheesecake be your favorite? Ever?âÂ
His face falters, a moment where something flows over his eyes as if reliving a memory in a few short seconds. Then, he shrugs. âIt just is.âÂ
You roll your eyes. âWhatever,â you laugh. âMaybe my palate is unrefined.â Imagining the tarte fruit in purple swirls of ice cream, youâre taken back to a humid July day and the scent of churned mud. Â
The strange memory unfolds itself quick. As if it were waiting for you to find wherever itâd hidden itself away. With a sharp gasp, you say, âOh my god, Kai. Do you remember that one day? That weird stuff we saw down at the creek?âÂ
He nods. âYeah. I was just thinking of that the other day, actually...âÂ
Less interested in finishing your cup now, you let the spoon rest. âWhat?â you say, the word peaking in the middle. That day hadnât crossed your mind once since itâd happened. âHow weird is that?âÂ
Scoffing a laugh, he says, âWeird, yeah. Just as strange as two kids high on fermented berries.âÂ
That draws a breathy laugh from you. âIs that what you think it was?â you ask him with knitted brows. The berries had been fresh, and you two had popped plenty into your mouth. But no doubt, youâd have spat them right back out if they were that ripe. âI mean, we saw the same thing.âÂ
âIt happens to animals all the time. Squirrells, and stuff.â He lends you a gallic shrug. âWe just freaked ourselves out. Like that one time you said you saw the shape of something in the dark and we freaked out. And it was clothes.â Â
Well, hallucinating, in tandem, a glowing mist because you two by chance ate fermented berries is a very long shot. However nonchalant he acts about it, he seems to have thought long and hard about it. Enough to reason it away with some far cry explanation. Would you have even been able to get drunk off a handful of fermented berries? And, god, youâre really sure that youâd have noticed. That taste isnât really one you just donât notice. Â
Whatever. Maybe you were just drunk idiots. Thatâs a lot easier to swallow, anyway.Â
âOkay, but you saw that. Did it not look sinister?â you say. With your spoon back in your hand, you punctuate the sentence pointing it at him. âYou freaked out with me, too.â Â
An unsatisfied scowl on his lips, he steals a spoonful of your dessert. You donât even swat him awayâyour phone buzzes in your pocket.Â
Catching sight of whoâs calling, you share a long look with Kai. Itâs funny, how fast those three white letters scramble you up. When you hesitate to answer, Kai tells you, âAnswer.âÂ
You hope she canât tell youâre not at Kaiâs by the refrigeratorsâ dull buzzing. Itâs an effort to tussle that invasive worry back. Youâre at Dairy Queen. Getting ice cream with the boy sheâs known since childhood. She should clutch her hands and thank the sky that youâre here, not out in some nasty frat house like you could be. You thumb the green button.Â
Her voice comes through the speaker crackled and asking you to run over to do a quick dish load. For a heartbeat you consider telling her that you will and then start rushing home. Instead, you fork out the truth through resistant lips.Â
The hangup tone sits heavy on the air between you and Kai. Having listened to the whole thing on speaker, he says, âWhat was so hard about that? The world didnât end, did it?âÂ
The plush of your lip takes a hard gnawing. No, it hadnât. âI know sheâs not going to get mad at me for just going here,â you say as you rest your elbows onto the table. âItâs that theyâre supporting me right now. I still live under their roof. The more I go around and insist I can do whatever I want, theyâll start reminding me of it.âÂ
His face drawn, he lets his mouth twitch to one side. âYeah,â he muses. âI never thought yours would be the type to kick you out.âÂ
Kaiâs dad had started threating him with getting kicked out years ago, when he first started telling him that he wanted to do music. How many times had he let reluctant tears flow into your shoulder over it? Because music wasnât a real job? Back then, youâd whispered in his ears that heâd become everything heâd dreamed of and more as your fingers carded through shaggy locks of hair. Â
âI donât know,â you say, humming it out noncommittally. âIs your dad still... yâknow?âÂ
Nodding slowly, his eyes tell. âYeah. Always.âÂ
âBecause youâre taking the band seriously, now?â you ask. Â
âProbably. I donât give a shit what he thinks about it. If Iâm just his goddamn problem, Iâll give him what he wants soon enough.â His eyes blaze with promise of it. Â
It takes a bit out of you to not wince. Kai living anywhere but in the house across from yours is wrong. âI donât think he necessarily wants that, Kai...â You take his hand in your icy ones, the urge to reach out to him thinly veiled under the guise of searching out warmth. Heâd always run warmer than youâyour personal heater. âItâs probably because he can see that youâre doing it for real. Not just saying it anymore.âÂ
âYeah, well,â he spits, âI canât fucking wait to see what heâll say to me when I make it. That piece of shit, though, he wouldnât even care. Itâs not like he ever gave a shit about me enough for it to matter.âÂ
But, it matters to you, you want to tell him. You understand his need to throw it all in his face. Though. âIs that one label going to sign you? The one you were talking about?âÂ
His tongue darts out to wet dry lips. âThey havenât yet. I donât know. But I donât need that money to get out of here, Iâve been working on it.âÂ
âThey will,â you say. âBut, where would you go? Not too far?â You try and keep it light and playful, even as your heart aches.Â
âCome with me,â he says. Itâs painfully blunt, as if it were that simple. âLetâs go get and apartment; you and me.âÂ
âKai...â you say. âYou donât have to drag me along because you feel bad.âÂ
The idea doesnât sound half bad, though. Â
âWhat?â His face tightens, as if somewhere under the surface your words had scraped somewhere tender. âYou donât have to stay here forever. Please. I want... I want you to come with me. You wouldnât have to even tell them; just bring all your stuff and go together. We could do it together. Like we said we would.â Â
âWe were like, five. Everybody tries to pretend running away at five,â you deadpan. Itâs a washy attempt at lightening things back up.Â
Living with him, moving out together, should feel like everything youâve ever wanted. And, maybe it is. But, heâs not asking you to live with him the way you want him to. Not in the way that your aching heart wishes he would. Â
Kai doesnât share the laugh you give him. âYeah, okay,â he says, leaning into the table. Â
Perhaps you should consider the potent disappointment heâs terribly masking with a face of indifference, though.Â
ââÂ
Slowly, the knots in your belly have worked themselves out. When Kai had dropped you off, theyâd been so awful that you felt borderline sick. You sat the whole ride there in his old beat-up truck picking at your nails and rambling to him. He listened to you the whole time. And then when it was time to walk in, it had least felt a little easier to do so with his eyes on you, watching to make sure you made it in safely.Â
Youâd gotten a job. Itâs not too bad, folding clothes out on display. It would be nice if they kept the lights a bit brighter, but youâll get used it eventually, you hope.Â
Most of your coworkers are around your age, but the one showing you the ropes... your heart had fluttered.Â
âYouâll get it,â Yeonjun says. The smile you find on his lips once he straightens up from placing product on a display is smooth and smug. Sleek strands of black hair fall over his eyes. You fluster under his gaze. Â
With arms crossed over your chest you say, âYeah, probably.â You reach into the cardboard box for stock to practice on.Â
âWhereâd you work before this?â he asks, leaning back into a wall to watch you. Suddenly, you make sloppier work of your folding. âYour first retail job?âÂ
Some obnoxious pop song falls down from the speakers over the store. Nobodyâs in here yet, thankfully; youâve got some time to try and get a handle on everything. âNo, this is my first job. I was so nervous walking in.âÂ
Interest catches in his eyes. It encourages that smooth smile on his lips further. âDonât worry, sweetheart, Iâll show you the reins.âÂ
Your mind stalls. The suggestive, sly flicker to itâare you looking too much into it? Maybe thatâs just how guys like Yeonjun act. Itâs hard to pretend that you donât see how heâs looking at you, though. It has your belly twisted up in fluttery knots. Itâs not like you hadnât had your share of his type. But, for some reason youâd rather not address, heâs got your heart thumping in your chest.Â
He laughs at your fifth attempt to fold up the shirt. When he takes it from you to help, he smells of musk and vetiver. âYou going to college near here?â he continues. Â
âNah, just doing this, I guess,â you answer, watching him fold it up to try and soak it up. Â
âReally? Why not?â he hums, crossing his arms about his chest. âYou seem like a smart girl.âÂ
Buffering, your blood buzzes in your veins and your cheeks burn. âDunno. Not really sure what to do. Are you in college?âÂ
âNah. Iâm trying to figure things out, too.âÂ
The both of you pop your heads up when the bell rings to announce the arrival of a customer. Â
âYeah,â you say, eyeing him. Heâs a few years older than you, no doubt, and yet his life hasnât fallen apart because heâs not done anything grand yet. Â
Timeâs hand around your neck loosens. Just a little bit. Â
ââÂ
You sit crisscrossed on top of Kaiâs bedsheets. Heâd thrown the windows open because the AC died, but itâs no help. The hot air wafting about the room sits heavy on your skin. Youâd dressed in as little material as possible to let it breathe, bare thighs clad in a pair of loose shorts and a thin tank top, but itâs still miserable.Â
Perhaps you two should be going over to yours, but you havenât had time alone with him for a few weeks now. You hate this busier life, where you struggle to make room for this.Â
Your new job isnât so awful, though. Especially with Yeonjun there. A bout of nerves flows up through your stomach. That reminds you.Â
Sitting up a bit straighter, you consider not doing it. In fact, you really shouldnât. But your mouth moves before you can put a stopper on it.Â
âHey, Kai,â you say. The thickness in your throat makes you believe that your heartâs jumped up into it, caught. God, what are you doing? The unsure waver in your words has you regretting.Â
His eyes flicker up to yours. He hums out a, âHuh?âÂ
No, this is wrong. You mess with the thin cotton strap of your tank top where itâd slipped down. âNever mind,â you tell him, trying to shrug it off. Â
That piques his interest. âNo, what?â His brow pinches. Â
You lick your lips and shake your head. âNothing, never mind. Really.âÂ
His eyes search you from where he sits up against the wall. âTell me,â he demands.Â
Really, you shouldnât have said it in the first place. It was a ridiculous idea. But now you know heâs not going to let it go. And, ridiculously, you say it. âI was just... wondering,â you say, blood roaring. "Well, Yeonjun wants me to come over to his place this weekend, and... Iâve never...â Sucking in a quick breath, you just spit it out to get it over with, âWould you be my first kiss, Kai?âÂ
Insects buzz outside as he looks at you, frozen in spot. You reject the urge to dart away or throw up. Youâre honestly just as shaken as him. But really, who else could you trust with something like that? You donât want Yeonjun to be disappointed if he kisses you, or to seem inexperienced to him.Â
And, perhaps, the hopelessly in love part of you hopes to at least feel his lips on yours at least once. If youâre going to be alone forever in your longing, you just wish that you can have this.Â
âWhat?â Kai says. He looks rattled. Â
Of course, heâs shocked. You shift. âForget I said that,â you tell him, unable to meet his gaze. Â
String-roughened fingers wrap around your upper arm. âI didnât say anything,â he says, voice strained and face less shock-fallen and more darkened. âBut... I mean, you want me to teach you to kiss for some other guy.â He spits out the last bit as if bitter in his mouth. Â
âYou donât have to do it,â you say. âI just... thought that I might ask you to do it. I donât know, Iâm sorry I said it. Iâll just wing it or something.â His roomâs grown ten degrees hotter, if that was possible. Especially where you feel his eyes on your face. Â
Almost imperceptibly, his hand tightens around you. He swallows hard. âYou want to learn how to kiss?â he says. âFine. Iâll teach you.âÂ
In a heart-stopping moment, your eyes snap to his. Brown and familiar, they hold you with an intensity that turns your limbs into jelly. The air is stifling. âWhat... do I do?â you ask when the silence becomes too heavy. Â
A muscle feathers in his jaw, reflected in the low light of his room. Itâs quick and so easy to miss, but it tells you everything you need to know about how this is making him feel. How much disbelief heâs in. âCome here,â he says, stilted around the absolute absurdity of it. He pats on his lap.Â
You make a hesitant crawl across the bed toward him. It seems as though your elbows might buckle beneath your weight, but you make it despite the odds. A fog settles over your brain when you rest your hands on his shoulders and bring your legs to straddle his lap.Â
But you shove it back; you want to live and breathe every last second of this. No matter how unbelievable or blistering it is. Â
Breaths fan out over your face. Itâs seizing your mind like undiluted liquor. âWhere do I put my hands?â you ask him. Itâs breathless, the air stolen right from your lungs though your mouths havenât even touched. Â
âThere is fine,â he says. His words sound breathless, too. The weight of his touch on you as he runs his own up to support your back is unsure. âAnd then...â he says. It falls out on your mouth slowly, and then heâs taking your lips onto his.Â
The walls melt away, sound does too. All that is real is the taste of his lips and how they move against you. Your lips start tentative, but you try his mouth movements yourself. It feels like a timid danceâit feels like deep, deep down, finally everything is right. That mist, thick and blinding, falls back over you.Â
Something changes. Something in it, where you two meet, changes. He becomes hungry. Softly locked lips turn biting and nipping, shaky breaths exhaled slow through your nose. His hands on your back become surer, and one even ventures off to grab your chin. The other holds you to his chest, melded together despite the intense smoke and flame rolling off your bodies. You wonder if he can feel your heart beating a mess there.Â
Reluctance paints you both when you pull back. Youâre panting deep drinks of air. Itâs hard to think; your mindâs run off and sits just out of reach. Licking your messy lips, stained with illicitness, you can only manage to brush your fingers against it to form words. âHow... was that?â you say, searching his eyes. You find his pupils blown so wide that they consume the warm brown. Youâre ready to jump out of your skin with that look pointed at you. Â
Kai doesnât answer, though. He slams your mouths back together as if starved by just the brief moment youâd parted for air. Nips on your bottom lip and emboldened handsâhe moves like roaring water through a dam. A dam that heâd worked hard to fortify, and yet, at a crack itâs all falling down. Fingertips digging through the fabric of your shorts down to your soft hips, his chest rumbles. You feel it reflected in your core, electricity charging there and shooting up your spine and down your thighs.Â
You kiss him for all the times you wish you wouldâve, but didnât. The slight rolls of your hips down onto him come easy. You love how it has him making a sound into your mouth and taking the fat beneath his fingers harder into his hands. He helps you.Â
He drops his head into your neck. Your head swims for air and he has you shuddering with just the brushing of his nose against the column of your neck. The walls of his room spin around you. âKai,â you whine, every bit of friction his jeans provide, even clothed as you are, just enough to rile you but not to give you what you need.Â
âGod,â he growls, thumbs hooking under your waistband. âYou always fucking run around dressed in nothing,â he says, letting his fingers linger like a suggestion of undressing you. âDid you do it on purpose? Expect to make me crazy, knowing I couldnât touch you?âÂ
And, in those words, it seems that he steals every last bit of breath from you. How often had you gone braless or worn something like this around him? Laid here, in his bed, like that?Â
Grown tired of your fruitless grinding, he brings a hand down to support your lower back and says, âTurn around.âÂ
Though you explode with the prospect of what he might be intending to do or whatâs next, if youâre really going to do this, you do so in a flash of eager limbs. His chest is solid against your back, you melt against the feeling of it. Heâd become such a man lately, filled out, and you watched it happen. It was hard for your eyes not to catch on muscle-corded forearms while he picked at strings or to not appreciate the timbred rumble of his voice when youâd feel it come from his chest. How could it not do things to you? Now, heâs dragging your shorts down your legs and youâre in disbelief. Â
âFuck,â he breaths out. His fingers find your panties soaked through. âSo, youâre the type to get dripping wet.âÂ
An embarrassed blush decorates your cheeks. Kai drags his index finger in circles around your clit through the fabric as if enamored with how much of a mess youâd made of it. Your hips twitch every time he rolls right over it. Itâs strange how heâs got your body acting on its own volition with his touches. Even stranger that itâs your best friend doing it. âSorry,â you tell him, wavering. Â
He continues those terribly slow circles. âSorry?â he says, chin on your shoulder. Heâs got you wrapped up in him, with nowhere to go but to melt back into him and let his fingers work. Free hand on one of your inner thighs digging divots into the plushness there to hold it still, he tells you, âItâs nothing to be sorry about. Itâs hot as fuck. Youâre so excited for me to touch you, huh?âÂ
The words wreak havoc on you, feeding the flame that has your belly twisted up tight and the ignition point between your thighs pounding. To hear them coming from him, reserved Kai, has you digging your fingers into his forearm to prove that itâs real. Youâd never have imagined him being so... filthy. You imagine him behind falsely nonchalant eyes, devouring you with a perverted mind all the times youâd spent innocently sitting together in this room. Â
Your cheeks squish beneath his fingers as he takes your face and turns it to him. He wants to make sure youâre look at him as he asks you, âDo you want me to finger you?âÂ
Like a record, your brain skips. Between the blunt, lewd question and his hand on you, itâs in overload. How could ask something like that so simply? Stunned as you are, of course you want him to. You want him to do anything to you. You nod. Â
Every last nerve and neuron in your system, just below the skin, cry out when his fingers slow down to nothing. âHmm?â he says, ignoring the chasing of your hips and the opening of your thighs to invite him into paying your poor pussy the attention heâd ripped from it. He wants to hear you say it. Â
About ten minutes ago, you lost your mind. It does not return to you now. âI want you to,â you say, chest beating in tandem with your cunt.Â
âYou want me to, right? Not some dumbass you met a week ago, huh?â he says. âBecause you know that this is what itâs meant to be. Me, doing these things to you. Not some twenty-five-year-old piece of shit. He doesnât deserve you, baby. Understand?âÂ
His fingers slider under your panties. Dumb brained and cognition gone muddled, you nod. All you can really think about is the moment his fingers slide over you. Fire licks up your lower belly and your insides as he brushes calloused finger tips finally right against your clit.Â
Puffed breaths of a scoff raise goosebumps over your skin. âTeach you to kiss so that you can go over there and get his hands on you,â he says, middle two fingertips prodding at your entrance. âAs if you were ever anybodyâs but mine. Youâd come crawling back to me, baby, because it was always meant to be us. He could never satisfy you.âÂ
His words might alarm you or have you asking questions if he hadnât pushed his fingers into you and begun curling them with strong, pointed presses, pulling soft mewls and hums from you until he finds a spot that twists up your insides. Even through the palm you press over your mouth, your moans come out more like wavering grunts and croaks. Your thighs quiver and twitch, threatening to snap closed against your own will with each. Only your feet stay planted to the mattress. Like a cone of soft serve under the sunâs blistering attention, you melt down him. Just his frame keeps you upright.Â
âRight there, huh?â he says. The smirk on his mouth filters his words into something taunting. âThatâs where you like it.â Itâs like heâs learning your body step by step, fulfilling all the questions heâd been forced to only guess at before this. Â
âUh-huh.â It comes out whiny and cracks in the middle, but you canât find even an ounce of you to care right now. If this moment had been a long spiral, a fall from grace, down into a dark pit of forgotten inhibitions, youâve just hit the bottom. Cheeks blazing cherry blossom pink and with your fingers curling into his pant leg, you donât doubt that you are a picturesque mess. The kind of mess thatâs beautiful because itâs dirty. Your teeth are not gentle on your plush bottom lip. It stings, tugged back and bitten and still a bit swollen with kisses. Perhaps you taste the tang of metal on it, but you pay it no mind.Â
Kai redoubles his efforts. Now that he knows exactly how to play you, heâs fucking you on his fingers without mercy. The sounds coming from your cunt were wet, but now theyâre differentâ nasty squelching. The only noises coupling with your pathetic keening. Forget anchoring yourself on his thigh, forget muffling your sounds. Instead, your hands fly to encircle his flexing forearm. Under your nails, angry red crescents dig into the muscle there. What had been a languid, building pleasure suddenly becomes everything. Your breaths run away from you, and you chase them frantically. Deep down in your core, the muscles spasm and rage against his fingers. âHâoh god,â you groan. Even the muscles in your thighs and tummy tighten up.Â
âSo whiny...â Kai mumbles, voice taut with the effort of eroding you down into pure, blinding-white pleasure.Â
And then, in a swoop of mercy, your belly tightens. You hover here, on the precipice of something so consuming and voracious that your muscles and bones reject it, and yet your heart sings. Your eyes and cheeks and lungs and belly burn, the flame charring the edges of you in a beckon. You answer its call. Kai doesnât mind the snapping of your legs shut around his arm, nor does your bucking or shaking deter him. He just holds you through it, arm like a metal bar around your waist. Heâs everywhere, in this momentâthe smell of him, leather and utterly familiar, his mouth dusting hot kisses over your skin, his fingers guiding you through orgasm. Where youâd gone silent in the initial crash of it, you devolve into mewls and grunts as you come down. Â
He holds you even as you slump against him boneless. Afterglow simmers in your veins and has your brain all lethargic and lazy. Neither of you speak for a while, your pulse thumping a rhythm. His breaths rise and fall against you; it grounds you in this moment where you feel all spacey and gone. You become aware again of how disgustingly sweltering it is in his room, your skin sheened.Â
That brainless bliss only lasts you for so long, though. When rational mind returns to you, no matter how you wish it wouldnât, youâre hit in the chest with regret so hard it knocks the wind out of you.Â
How will anything ever be the same after what youâd just done? Stricken still by the thought, you barely register him pulling his fingers out of you. After all your worrying about making sure no wedge comes between you two, look what youâve gone and done. No; nothing ever will be the same again. Â
ââÂ
A couple of weeks ago, you ruined the one friendship you were supposed to have forever. It presses down heavy one you while you sit sprawled out on Yeonjunâs couch, his arm around your shoulder. His phone casts a glow over his features with all the lights out.Â
It doesnât smell like home. He, pressed against your side, doesnât smell like home. Â
Some stupid movie that heâd picked out, yet somehow youâve ended up the only one still watching it, weaves a hum into the quiet of his apartment. Tangy hurt wells up in your throat. Even the moments when you and Kai would sit in mutual silence on your phones never felt like this. This is different. Â
You havenât seen Kai since that night. Heâs been busy getting ready to move out, and youâve been here most days. How fast all of it had changed. You wish youâd feel whiplashed, left empty, by the drifting that youâd been so terrified of. But you donât. Itâs just been you, locked on land, watching him being taken away by the oceanâs tide with no way to change its course. You tried and screamed to call him back, but now your voice has gone hoarse. Â
And instead of watching him go, you choose to look elsewhere. Itâs all you can do to protect yourself from the hurt.Â
âHey,â Yeonjun says, finally addressing you rather than whoeverâs heâs got in his phone. âDid you bring anything to change into?â Â
âI brought stuff to sleep in,â you say, eyeing him. You know thatâs not why heâs asking. If it came down to it, you could just steal something from him and pull it on. He means going out clothes. Your jaw tightens. âBut nothing nice. Why?âÂ
He stretches his arms behind his head in a flaunt of long arms and tanned muscle. Hours spent at the gym lent him those; you appreciate the look of it with a watering mouth. Kai had earned his build by hours spent outside with your dad, because his own could care less, helping him fix up cars and vehicles of all ridiculous sorts. You remember when Kai had first gotten his truckâjunk on wheels, honestlyâheâd spent so much of summer out there getting it running. And, well... the sun-kissed bronze of his skin and frame that came with it, you had no qualms with.Â
But those memories only sit heavy in your chest as youâre sat here beside Yeonjun. You banish them elsewhere; you need to let him drift off. If you canât have each other, and your feelings wonât permit just being friends, then you have to. You want him to do amazing things, and you fear that itâs your presence in his life that will interrupt that. As much as your feelings are real, they are selfish. You, your unsure direction and all your dead weight, should let him go. Because you love him.Â
âThe guys want to come over,â he tells you, pushing off from the couch. âYou should probably into change into something less showy.âÂ
Less showy. Your mouth drops into a scoff of disbelief, looking down. A pair of shorts and a shirt, showy? You have to laugh, or else youâll succumb to the strange embarrassment crawling at the back of your skull. Whatâs he trying to say? Is that what he thinks of you? âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â you say, face tilted up to him in a twist of distaste. âIâm wearing something comfy.âÂ
He shrugs, hands shoved into the pockets of his black sweats. âDonât want to give them the wrong idea about you, thatâs all, baby. Theyâre guys; I just want to protect you.âÂ
âNo,â you say, the word falling out in a barked laugh. âWhy would you even be bringing over dudes that you think will look at me like that? Why are you even friends with people that you think are gonna make moves on your girlfriend?â He holds a hand out to you, but your hands stay right where they are: crossed solidly over your chest.Â
Throwing that hand up in audacious exasperation, he gives you a look that makes you feel small and petulantâlike youâre throwing an overblown fit. And, maybe you are. You should probably just do it; him seeing you as some overbearing or high maintenance girl has that embarrassment flaring like wildfire thatâs found dry brush. âCâmon, baby,â he says, a lazy smile on his mouth that gets under your skin. âLetâs just have an easy night. Donât make it a big deal.âÂ
Letâs just have an easy night. As if youâre the one ruining the night. Something snarky tries to seize your tongue, but you hold it down. âI thought it would be just us. We wanted to watch the movie together, Yeonjun. Canât you wait to hang out with your friends? Letâs enjoy our time together; youâve got your shift tomorrow.âÂ
âMy fucking god,â he groans, running a hand through his hair furiously. âYouâre needy, you know that? The neediest Iâve ever had to put up with. I donât put up with needy, baby. Canât you just chill out a little? My last didnât mind when Iâd have friends over.âÂ
Your eyes burn. Your cheeks burn. Heâd been with plenty of other girls before you; that, youâre well aware of. Itâs been a corrosive source of self-doubt for you. You donât want that title: the neediest heâs ever had. Donât want him to think of you as some prude that wonât let him have fun. Just... hearing him bring up the other girls heâd been with before you stings and leaves welts no different from a slap in the face. Feelings of inadequacy shackle you and have you saying, âFine. Iâm gonna borrow some of your clothes.âÂ
Heavy resentment blooms on your skin where he bends down and presses kisses to your cheek, and then mouth, and then down your neck. âThank you, baby.âÂ
And, where those ugly, wilted flowers of it bloom, you hear echoes of something. Something that tells you that Kai wouldnât treat you like this. But youâve made your bed, decided to do it yourself, and now youâve got to lay on it.Â
ââÂ
The frat parties are the worst kind of social outing that Yeonjun insists upon. The smaller kinds, more intimate gathering with just his closer friends, you tolerate much easier. Youâre not fond of the circles he chooses. Breathing in thick, smoked-out air surrounded by alcohol-coated breaths is not your type of fun night. Somehow, you end up doing that more than date nights. But thatâs better than being here. The base rumbles up through your feet and makes your stomach sick, and it reeks of grinding bodies and body odor, and condensation coats your fingers from the red solo cup as full as when youâd first gotten it.Â
But, still, you come along. Not every time, but when you donât, you lay in his bed sickening yourself with images of what he might be doing here. How pathetic is it to attend parties with your boyfriend because you fear that otherwise, he might stick his tongue down the throats of other girls?Â
Youâre looking for him right now, awkward and left alone. Heâd promised to stick around; you had begged him to. That was pathetic, too. You know that you put up with too much. If he loved you, or honestly even liked you, you two would be in the thick of the throngs dancing or off somewhere talking with others. Together. The frantic skimming and weeding of your eyes through the blur of faces is not right. Thatâs not how he should make you feel. Itâs not how Kai would make you feel.Â
Well, Kai would never have you here in the first place.Â
Venturing out from your little corner, you sift between the bodies of people have a hell of a lot better time than you. Drunken, some you bounce off of like bumper carts. You press your palm over the round face of your cup to spare the floor from spillage threatening to pour over the lip. Itâs not like a splash from yours would matter much, though. The linoleum has already been made a fetor mess of dirt off shoes and the sticky sugar of liquor. Your shoes peel from it as you walk. God, what would your parents think of you being here?Â
You peek around corners and eye big groups. Heâs not in the kitchen when you look there, either. Your stomach feels sick in a knowing wayâa gut feeling that doesnât justify anger or tears just yet, but you know. Right in the center of your chest, you know.Â
Itâs in some room that you find him. Sat on the floor along with a few faces you donât know, he pulls from his bottle. And on his shoulder, he lets a girl with shining curls and pink cheeks rest her head. At your busting in on the intimate gathering, Yeonjunâs eyes slide to you. Recognition flashes over them and wars with bleary drunkenness.Â
âHey, baby,â he says. Their gazes all fall on you, but you can hardly see them through blurry eyes.Â
The girl lifts her head from his shoulder. Sheâd caught the memo.Â
âI think Iâm gonna go.â You make it sound resigned, try to not let them see your shame, but your voice betrays you and crackles. Maybe itâs better to pretend it doesnât feel like youâve just been kicked in the stomach and left to reel against the force, but you canât. Youâre nowhere near shocked, nowhere near blindsided, but still you hurt.Â
He follows you down the hall. âWhatâs your problem?â he says, the few, plain words mending and waving into a slurring.Â
Youâve got one goal: get to the front door, away from the shitty music and him. His words, sharpened, fall off your skin despite his efforts. What good would fighting do you, anyway? It was always going to end up this way. This is just who he is, and he doesnât give two shits enough about you to want to change that.Â
âBaby, seriously? That made you this mad? I didnât even fucking do anything. Stop being insecure,â he says. At the gritting of your teeth, he sees an opportunity and pounces on it. âYou donât need to be jealous. I donât do jealous shit. We can dance, or something. Shit, I donât know what you want! Just stop throwing a fit.âÂ
Didnât do anything? You have to laugh. Maybe you didnât walk in on him fucking someone else, but thatâs not what this is about. Not even a little bit. Youâve checked out, and the fact that he thinks he can make you believe that itâs your fault this time only drives the killing stake in harder.Â
Maybe youâre bitter. It claws at your insidesâturns your face hot and screams in your face that youâve been used. But beside it sits a sadness. Not the slow kind, but the quick sadness of hurt. Why hadnât you been good enough for him to love you? To like you? Youâd left behind Kai and rested your new life on Yeonjunâs shoulders. Youâd wanted so badly for his approval, or for him to want you. You did your best to try and make this work out because you needed it to. You needed so desperately proof that you could fall in love with somebody else. But your best was not what Yeonjun was interested in. Â
Pins and needles prick your skin as you step outside, like jumping into an ice bath. It shocks you out of dizziness. Words surge up and out in a flash flood like hard reality. You spin on him. âJealous?â you say, choking out a scathing laugh. âThe last thing Iâd ever let myself suffer over you is jealousy. Get over yourself. Iâm going, stay here if you want. I donât care.âÂ
âHow are you gonna do that, huh?â he says. The flickering yellow of the porchlight paints his features. The shadow of something fluttering around it cuts dark spots in the light, and then a small little moth comes down and jumps around in his face. He waves it off. âGonna have bitch boy come pick you up? You canât leech off him forever; heâs gonna get sick of picking up another manâs girlfriend.â It seems like you walking in on that had sobered him up, but his breath still curls out onto your face with the reek of alcohol. âItâs not a big deal. Youâre making this a bigger deal than it has to be. Do you not trust me?â Â
âYou are such a piece of shit,â you grit out. âI donât know what I was thinking. Ever. I donât know how I let this go on for so long.â You donât like him having Kai in his mouth, donât like him trying to act like youâre conflating things, and especially donât like that face heâs making. As if youâre acting crazy and overblown. âNo, I donât trust you. You didnât fuck her, but come on, Yeonjun. Seriously? You think Iâm stupid, and Iâm sick of it. You thought this would be easy because I didnât have the experience you have, but Iâm sorry. I donât like being walked over.âÂ
âIf youâre gonna be so goddamn jealous, then maybe we arenât gonna work,â he says.Â
That moth, floating light in the air, is right back in his face. Yeonjun takes two hands and smashes it between a clap of his hands. He shakes its flattened, broken body off his hand. Looking down at it laying there on top of dirt-caked concrete, you get this... feeling. A tickling around your person. Â
âSee if I care,â you snap, throat aching against the onslaught of emotion and held back tears. Â
ââÂ
Rivulets of raindrops dilute the tears on your cheeks. Your hair plasters to your face and your clothes to your body. Â
For a week, youâd went about it all as if it hadnât happened. And then you came here. Â
Itâd not been this rainy when you first got down to the creekâjust a gentle trickle, really. You hadnât been crying then, either. But, watching the water work at babbling over stone, you let yourself feel it. Here, where youâd had so many good memories. Youâve gone and tainted it, now. But for whatever reason, youâd just wanted to be here. Arms curled around yourself and fingers digging into drenched sleeves, you donât wipe away the tears or cover the sounds of your crying. You let the stream hear it; itâll sweep it right up and down the way. Somewhere far off, where you donât have to feel it anymore.Â
You realize that, usually, youâd be over at Kaiâs right now. The fact that his room was not the first place you thought you could go to anymore is a punch to the gut. You drop your face into your hands and cry harder. Really, youâve got to stop doing that to yourself. Thinking of sad thingsâputting your hurt under the microscope to see it closer. Itâd be easier to just fold it up and tell yourself that itâll pass, and that relationships end all the time.Â
Itâs not him that you cry over. Well, maybe some of it is. Rather, itâs that you have absolutely no idea where youâre going. Where you are. Finally, youâd built yourself a raft to get off the shore and go out to sea, because thatâs what youâre supposed to do, and itâs breaking apart right beneath you. And, stranded and alone in the water, youâve got no way to get back to shore to build yourself another raft. Youâre stranded, and the scariest bit is that youâre doing it all alone. You werenât supposed to do this alone. You two made promises back then.Â
You suppose that a promise is one of those things you were supposed to leave faith in back on shore.Â
The raindrops are heavy over you. The fall of it roars against the ground, a torrent downpour. Itâs not coupled with whipping wind or flashes of lightningâjust straight, still falling. Itâs a somber feeling no different from the gnawing in your chest.Â
Like chimes, thereâs a distant, gentle sound. Maybe water falling over creek rock, but itâs more like suggestion. A sweet sound that you shouldnât even be able to hear over the rest of it, itâs as if itâs right in your ear. A whisper. Â
You fix your blurry eyes with a wet sleeve. Rain falls right back into its place, but you see it: a silvery, whimsy haze. And the moths. They jump and call you, this time. Their glow bounces off the rainy mist against the grey of nightâs arrival. Then, all you can hear is the whispering. Where you stand frozen, your feet beg to move. To follow them.Â
So you do.Â
Their entourage of moondust trails them where they go, wrapping you up and weaving between raindrop and space. You donât worry where theyâll take you, or even try to wrap your head around this happening again. You just follow, mind glossed over and entranced with how beautiful it is. When youâd seen them before, itâd made you uneasy. Mostly because it looked so unearthly and unbelievable. But this time you just follow.Â
A far-off voice, one oh-so-familiar, peaks through the haze. Itâs not enough to stop you, but then you hear it again, louder and closer.Â
You blink a few times. Once to break away the fog, and then twice to focus your eyes on Kai stood in front of you. His hair lays in wet spikes over his eyes and beads of rain trace the planes of his face. Heâs as soaked as you.Â
âKai?â you say. Looking around you, youâve ended up somewhere in the field between your houses and the creek. But youâve got no recollection of walking here. Whatever that mist is, sentient or not, had swept you here. Â
His voice is strained, but you appreciate hearing it. âBreak up with him,â he tells you.Â
In his eyes, as you search them, thereâs stardust glowing like reflection. Your face twists up. âWhat?â you say, breath a puff of smoke ahead of you. Summer had come and gotten away from you so fast, and now itâs gone all cold again.Â
âBreak up with him,â he echos, face solemn. He looks ruffled.Â
âWhy?â you ask, âAnd why are you out here?âÂ
âBecause Iâm moving out today, and I think I deserve to at least see you before I go.â His eyes look over you. âAnd... your dad said you went down to the creek.âÂ
Heâs moving out today, and you had no idea. And really, itâs your fault. Youâd driven that wedge between the two of you. âI did break up with him.âÂ
Downpour fills his quiet for a few moments, his face swirling with emotion like the clouds above you. He nods. âGood.âÂ
There are a few more long minutes between you; just you two searching each other's faces, antsy to say so much that it bunches up in your chests and stalls. Itâs what a summer of longing does to you. Even with Yeonjun, even trying to slowly chip away the stitching that had connected the two of you at the hip, you were helpless to stop the gnawing of the love you bear for him. Even just seeing him now, you feel those threads mending back up. God, why does it have to be so hard?Â
He just looks at you. For a few beats, he just looks at you. There are so many questions in his eyes. They flit across and turn over, but all he settles on is, âWhy?âÂ
Thereâs so much you want to tell him. Words pile up to the top, some threatening to spill over. But you know that if you tell him some of it, just to make up for all the time youâd missed out on together, itâll all come crashing out. And you donât think you want him to know just how much you accepted, the way you let yourself get treated. So, you shake your head and say, âIt doesnât matter.âÂ
Kai looks like he wants to push that issue, but whatever look he finds on your face deters him. âCome with me,â he pleads. âI want you to come with me.âÂ
Your throat tightens. Curling your arms around yourself harder, the rain only coming down on you harder, you say, âKai, I want to. I want to. I just... I donât want to freeload off you, because youâre doing great things, and Iâm just...â Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, but theyâre already as soaked as the rest of you. âIâm just going nowhere. And I donât want to be a burden, or ever be the reason that you canât do what you dream of. If staying here means that you become everything that youâre destined to do, then Iâm happy with that, Kai. I am.âÂ
He shakes his head, stumbling toward you. âNo, no you donât get it,â he says, frantically taking your shoulders into big hands. Under his touch, every taut muscle goes slack. You melt. âYou donât get it. You are the music. Every single song is about you. Every single fucking song is about you. I want you to come with me, please. I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you, and I thought youâd loved me too, and I donât want to do this alone. I canât do it alone.âÂ
He loves you. Kai loves you. The enormity of it rumbles the ground where you stand on legs you fear might just give in. You flex your fingers to combat the tears pricking your eyes. It doesnât work; they brim and well up, spilling down over your cheeks. âWhat?â you say, voice softly breaking. âKai, I didnât...âÂ
âAnd just when I thought I finally had you, you left me,â he says, throwing a hand up beside him in a big gesture. âYou left me! I woke up thinking youâd be there, and that maybe you loved me too, and you had left me. And then you threw me away for some piece of shit, and you stopped coming around.â His chest heaves for breaths.Â
Your face contorts. That night, the one where you two had slipped up, youâd fallen asleep curled up against his chest on undiluted contentment. When you woke up, you had panicked. You thought heâd wake up and pretend it hadnât happened, or heâd be uncomfortable, or even be disgusted and regretting. You couldnât handle that, so you slipped out before he woke up. Itâd been an attempt to protect your tender heart, but looking at the twitching of his lip now, you begin to think itâs the most selfish thing youâve ever done. He thinks you used him and left him. Your stomach twists. Voice thick, you say, âIâm sorry. Iâm sorry I left you, Kai. I thought you didnât... I thought you didnât see me that way. I was scared. Iâm sorry I hurt you.âÂ
Brows knitted together, he says, âThought I didnât love you?â His hand cups your cheek, warm against the soft frozen skin he finds there. âIâve... Iâve dreamed of you almost every night of my life. In my sleep, I see you, and youâre happy and glowing, and that damn... mist is all around you. I couldnât get away from you even in my sleep.âÂ
Darting between his eyes, soft and reflecting your face back to you, itâs hard to breathe. Kaiâs dreamt of you; heâs as sickly in love with you as you are him. Thunder claps, and the ground shakes, and the heavens open up above you, the trumpets belt, and you two are in love. Somewhere deep in your center, you feel itâyour soul nodding yes.Â
The mist. You know exactly what heâs talking about. âI saw it. That stuff, those moths. The stuff we saw back then.âÂ
âI did too,â he says, wet spikes of hair bouncing with a nod. âNot that long ago. It was the first time I saw it out of a dream since that day.âÂ
Back then, you two had only budding, innocent love for each other. Things hadnât become mangled and lost to confused hearts or expectations. When theyâd appeared to you, you hadnât needed it. This time, youâd followed it. And it had led you hereâsomehow had led you right to the very spot you needed to so that every last piece might fall into place. For this moment to happen. You know why it did.Â
âIâll go with you, Kai. Iâll go wherever you go; I love you. Iâve loved you since forever,â you say, each and every word massive and lovely on your tongue. âIâm sorry I didnât say it earlier.âÂ
So unlike the last times your mouth had met, he brings his mouth to yours with a dazzling clarity. No longer is it confused kisses; he locks his lips against yours with the urgency of so many years being unable to. Kaiâs hands cradle your wet cheeks, hold you so tenderly into his kiss. His touch grounds you, makes the moment real. You melt into himâyour fingers curled into his shirt as if holding him there so that he wonât disappear like something of an incorporeal dream. He sighs through his nose, kissing you harder. Even if it all were fake and this was nothing more than a feverish figment of your imagination, you think you could die happy just knowing this once.Â
But it is utterly real, and utterly yours. You kiss him harder, too.Â
When your lungs start to burn and plead for breath, you two pull away from each other. Your eyes flutter open to capture his. Warm and brown and the same ones youâve stared into so many times before, but not like this, you sink into them. He runs his thumb over your cheek as he sinks into yours. His tongue darts out to lick lips painted with you. In the inches between you, space no longer feels heavy or charged with grievances. Every last unsaid thing had been answered.Â
âI have my stuff up in the truck,â he says, breaths soft. Brown eyes dart around your face. âIâll help you add your stuff to it.âÂ
You shudder out a breath. Add your stuff to it. A nervous energy settles down over you, but it doesnât seem so bad if youâre doing it with him. Together. Â
âOkay,â you whisper, a balmy secret just like the ones you used to share in small, giggly voices so many years ago. âOkay.âÂ
ââÂ
Shivers seize you like jittering bones, all wrapped up in a blanket. The velour cushion seats beneath you have soaked up water and become damp, but Kaiâs got the heater blasting. You wind around back roads, headlights illuminating the way ahead of you. Stray droplets whip in them, but nothing much. Isnât it funny how the rain had just stopped like that? Thatâs just how the weather is, out here. You wonder how the weather might act wherever youâre headed.Â
Your teeth chatter as if your jaw had its own will. The two of you had the windows down thinking that the wind might dry you off, but all itâs done is lap at your bitten cheeks. You reach down for the handle to crank it up. Youâve got a long drive ahead of youâeither youâll eventually dry off, or you can pull off at a rest area to change in a bathroom. The wet clothes are really not helping.Â
With an arm up on the steering wheel, Kai turns his attention on you. You know that smile. âCold?â he asks, eyes darting between your face and the road. With the hand heâs not got working the steering wheel, he runs fingers over your thigh. Soft, gentle massages, yes. The number it does on your core is absurd. Each mindless digging into your thighs and brush of his thumb, sparks sputter there. Youâve sat here, right in his passenger seat, so many times before. Day trips up to the lake, the one heâd joined your family camping at for so many summers, all the times heâd driven you to school in this truck, and even just a quick run down to a convenience store for a late-night snack. Youâd deemed it your seat. But never once had you sat in it like this. Your heart does a flip. All those times youâd wish heâd reach over and do just thisâa small gesture that wouldâve been so big then. And itâs your reality, now. Â
âFreezing,â you say. A brush of his fingers nearer the apex of your thighs sends you pressing them together and shifting in your seat. âBut not everybody runs as hot as you, though, so.âÂ
His eyes catch the movement in just the split second he looked over to you. âHuh,â he says. He turns to look at you, his gaze flickering with something anew. Something that youâd only ever seen once before. âIs that it?âÂ
Itâs hard to swallow. His fingers brush higher, and higher, feather-dustings of calloused fingertips that sends tingles shooting up your spine at the slightest suggestion of where heâs headed. âYes,â you say, feigning indignance to cover the shiver that threatens to overtake you. When his fingertips dance at the waistband of your bottoms, it does so anyway. âKai,â you say, blood hot in your veins. âYouâre...driving.âÂ
His eyebrows pinch into a taunting furrow. âI am,â he says, nodding. âDonât worry about it, baby. Iâve got us.âÂ
And he does; fingers slipping under the band of both your bottoms and your panties, he doesnât even tear his eyes off the road. Heâd driven these roads so much, you think he might be able to do it asleep. Even drawing a mewl from you with a brush over your clit, he doesnât look away more than a quick glimpse at your pinkened cheeks.Â
Two fingers dragging up your folds, right over the source of the mess. âYou get excited so easily, huh?â he hums. âYou like it when I play with you.âÂ
When he presses those fingers at your entrance, you canât help but be taken back to that night. It echoes and reverberates through you. Long fingers, strong and punctual brushes against the sweet spotâhe was criminally good with his fingers. Playing guitar did more for him than just music. He seemed to know exactly how to utilize those roughened fingers and trained flicks. Your muscles flicker as he abandons your hole for more brushes at your bud. Â
Those teasing, sly touches turn to something more serious. His fingers roll over your clit, slow but enough to have you sighing and rolling your hips against the seat belt. But last time had gone just like this, him touching you and receiving nothing. He should feel good, too. âShouldnât you pull over?â you sigh, muscles taut. Your breaths come out shuddering and half-controlled, interrupted by the tightness that each delicious swirl provokes. The door takes the brunt of your grip, white-knuckling the interior.Â
He laughs, a husky sound that is tinder to fire. He knows what you mean. âMaybe,â he says. âBut I think Iâm enjoying this plenty. I think I want to see you cum on my fingers again.âÂ
Fingers pinching and flicking faster, you grow breathy and whiny, hips rolling against the seatbelt and back into the seat. Your muscles, all the way down your thighs and deep in your belly, jump and twitch each time his fingers run over your clit in just the right spotâthat tender spot thatâs so good that it teeters on overwhelming. The kind that makes you hiss and then want more. âShit, Kai,â you whine. âRightâthere, keep going." Â
He doesnât answer with any teasing words. No, he just doubles down right at that angle and pressure, leaned back into his seat and driving as if he wasnât fingers-deep in your panties right now. His sculpted profile at total easeâit does something for you. A delicious tightness curls its fingers over your center, promising a sugary ecstasy that you canât help but chase. Bucking into his hands as best you can, you go quiet. Right thereâright there, you feel it. The cusp. Your fingers brush over it, clenching around nothing and squeezing your thighs tight around him. Every last drop of blood in your body reaches for it, singing and dancing through your veins and making you dizzy.Â
And then he stops. Your mouth drops open, whiplashed and helpless to its slipping away from you. You whittle your gaze into something sharp and turn to him. âWhatâwhy?â you complain. The tide slips further and further and further back, but you still taste sea salt on your tongue. Frustration sets in its place as you feel it go. Seriously, youâd been right there. âYouâre so mean.âÂ
He slows and then with the clicking of the turn signal, heâs off the road and pulling the truck into park on a little secluded side road. Where the headlights pierce the pitch black, nothing but gravel and field surrounds you. He doesnât kill the engine, instead pulling his hand free from you.Â
Your heart, still stuttering with your lost orgasm, kicks back to life as he smears your slick over your mouth, dragging it over your lips and then taking his thumb to run it right over the plush of your mouth. âAm I?â he says, fingers taking your chin to meet your eyes with his. Endless hunger, pupils so blown that his eyes look black, pins you. âI donât think youâve seen mean yet, baby.âÂ
Darting your tongue out to clean your lips, you look at him through your eyelashes. âShow it to me, then.âÂ
Something dark passes over his face. It has your skeleton jumping out of your body. Then, he says, âIs that what you want? You want mean?âÂ
Brain gone to mush that can only really think about him touching you, a slow nod is all you can manage.Â
The engineâs hum prevails for some long, thick seconds. And then, he tilts his head in a gesture. âGet in the back.âÂ
Holy shit. You want to sit there frozen in an overwhelming sort of excitement, but his seatbelt clicks undone and youâre set into motion. In a flurry of giggles and clumsy limbs, you climb up over the center console and into the backseat. He slips out of the front seat, not bothering to even kill the engine.Â
The door beside you opens in a swirl of cold wind. In nothing more than a blink, a strong hand has both your wrists pinned to the cushions and your back flush against it. Nose-to-nose, his breath hot over your face. âIâve got plenty of ideas as to how I can warm you up.âÂ
You appreciate each otherâs faces for a beat more, you looking up at him big-eyed and waiting. Kai breaks the moment to attack your neck in a procession of bites and kisses. Your mouth falls into a silent sound.Â
âYou know,â he says, free hand working your pants off. His eyes are trained on you, though. âI thought about doing this to you all summer. Touching you again.â He moves on to your top, pushing the fabric up until your chest is freed, clad in soft cotton. He eats the sight up. You want to reach down and cup the back of his head or feel his hair between your fingers as he presses his mouth against the soft beginning of your cleavage, but heâs got your wrists firmly planted. So much so, that you wonder exactly how heâs got you so secure with just one hand. Kai is strong, but maybe you hadnât seen just how strong. Your skin aches under the purple bites he decorates you in. The sight of himâface in your chest and marking you up so lazilyâhas your teeth abusing your bottom lip. Whatever sounds you might make otherwise would be embarrassing. Kai lifts his eyes to you. âAnd I think you thought of me, too. Didnât you?âÂ
âOh, god, yes,â you say, writhing beneath him. Heâs going so slow. You want him all over you. âSo much.âÂ
He likes that. He takes your pebbled nipple into his mouth through the fabric. Soft grazes of teeth and sucks, youâre burning all over. When he pulls back, heâs left you dark wet patches when the bra had only just dried against your body heat. âGood,â he rasps, taking his big hands demanding and hungry over your torso. They swallow your frame up, soothing skin but lighting it aflame all the same. âGood girl.âÂ
You never thought just words could unravel you, but those did the job. Not a gasp, nor a sucking in of breathâno, you go silent and brainless, fumbling for rational thought.Â
The dropping of your jaw has Kai delighted. âYouâre so pretty,â he says. In a swift and powerful hoist, heâs tugging you down the cushions toward him with greedy fingers. Heâs got your thighs pressed up to your chest. Youâre bent right in half.Â
Out of breath, you huff out, âYou too.âÂ
A quick laugh falls from his mouth, lips pulled into a smug tilt. He nips at your calf up by his face. âSo sweet, it almost makes me feel bad for what Iâm about to do to you.â Reaching down for your panties, he pulls back on the suffocating press for only enough time to drag them up your legs. Those get discarded somewhere on the floor. Who cares about that right now, though? All you can register is the metallic clinking of his belt being undone. Itâs got your nervous system twisting up.Â
And, those words. Electricity shoots bolts of pure, sizzling revery into your core. What Iâm about to do to you. You imagine a great deal of things that he might mean, but still, you think that none could hold a candle against the promise his voice held in saying it.Â
Kai presses his body to your thighs and hooks your calves over his shoulders, and it all becomes real. The press of his heavy cock to your folds, the digging of his fingers into your outer thighs, his pretty eyes sparkling with something feral. As real as it getsâmore real than anything youâve ever felt in the entirety of your life. Your hands find perch flattened to his broad chest.Â
The position leaving you two no option but to look right into each other, he holds your gaze and begins slow drags of his hot length up and down your slit. Tantalizing, awful, awful drags. When his tip nudges your eager clit, you jolt. And then he does it again. And again.Â
âKai,â you mewl. A press against your hole has you hopeful, and he lingers there for a moment, but doesnât give it to you. Canât he just fuck you? Youâve never been more pitifully in need of something in your life.Â
âShh.â His ruts get more daring, smearing your slick up onto your belly. âTake it.âÂ
You wiggle your toes in the air and make passes at arching yourself into him in search of better friction. Heâs got you pressed so suffocatingly into the seat that it does absolutely nothing for you. In fact, he holds your harder and changes tack so that your thighs press together. At the very apex of them, his weeping cock slips through the seam.Â
Pressing his cheek into your calf, he watches you. Every gasp and shaky inhale, he watches. It spurs his rutting on, sticky sounds and pants eating up the air. Your nails claw at his hands as, finally, a knot tightens in your core.Â
âYes, please,â you breathe. He fucks your thighs harder. Faster. Every nudge at your clit and hole becomes euphoric. âKai, babyâIâm gonnaââÂ
Just as furiously easy as last time, he rips it all away from you. The rushing away of the buzzing and promise of shaking thighsâhe takes it from you again. It brings prickling tears to your eyes. âKai?â you hiss. âAgain?âÂ
His eyes arenât playful. He pulls your calves back over his shoulders, handling your hips into a better position to press his cock right at your entrance as if you weigh nothing. Face utterly straight, he says, âI donât think you deserve it, do you? Not after what you did with Yeonjun.âÂ
A swallow goes down your throat hard. He presses himself just a bit harder into you. Not in yet, but right there.Â
When he does begin sliding in, the stretch of it... You cling to him and squirm between him and the warm cushions behind you. Each inch is a heady feeling, all the way up to the hilt of him. He shudders a controlled breath. âYouâre so fucking tight, though,â he grits out. âDid he not fuck you right?âÂ
Slaps of skin bounce off the car interior and between your bodies. He starts off at a brutal pace; you know itâs meant to make your brain go foggy. Squeezing your eyes closed, you manage, âI... didnât fuck him.â It comes out strangled, voice bouncing as he fucks you into the car seat.Â
Thumb tugging your bottom lip down and then dipping into your mouth, he watches the show of your ecstasy down to every last detail. âYeah?â he says, voice shaking and almost desperate. âAlways thinking of me, huh? Such a good little princess. You know exactly where your heart belongs.â Â
You want to answer him, even just with a whine or moan. You try to. But with his thumb pressing down on your tongue, enough to pin it to the floor of your mouth, itâs not gonna happen. He tastes salty in your mouth.Â
His truck consists of his grunts and whines, and your taut groans for some moments that seem to stretch forever. The planes of his groin grind against your clit when he delivers occasional pointed rolls, but mostly itâs just an animalistic, feverish dancing of your two sweaty bodies, holds growing more frantic the closer you get. Â
Thumb wet with saliva; he frees your mouth. The hand trails slowly down your face and your chin, brushing feather touches, until he finds your neck.Â
Your eyes fly open, wide. He pressed his fingers into your neckâno real pressure yet, he looks at you through damp strands of dangling hair and says, âWant my fingers around your neck?â His thumb brushes over the buzzing pulse point there.Â
âYes,â you grit out, body bouncing and back raw with friction against the coarse cushionâs surface. Your breath stutters, your mind stutters. Even your blinks stutter, eyelids too lazy to keep up. âPlease.âÂ
The pressure of his fingers thereâit frightens you and has you tightening around him at the same time. But you would trust nobody more with your life than Kai.Â
He presses his cheek to your calf to indulge in the sight of you like this: underneath him, folded in two, nowhere to go but to take his pistoning hips, cheeks blazing, and his fingers pressed into your windpipe. If the way he becomes sloppier and more desperate in his tempo has anything to say for it, it does something for him.Â
âGonna be my pretty little girlfriend, huh?â he says. His voice is tightâso is your belly. Youâre both so close. Hopefully, this time heâll let you cum. âTake you to every show; show you off to everybody. Fuck.âÂ
Brain like static and swimming with a pinched flow of oxygen, you slur your words. âYouâreâhahâgonna have other girls all over you.âÂ
The taunting, split-second raise of his brows flips your belly. You tighten him again. If he keeps hitting that spot, tip ramming into the soft spot deep inside you that heâd taken such delicate care of finding last time, youâre going to burst into sparkling flame and firework. He growls, âWell, Iâll just have to knock you up so that they know Iâm yours, huh?âÂ
Holy shit. You like the sound of that. Your nails dig into his wrist around your neck, but you cry out a pitchy, âYes!âÂ
âOh, you like that?â Kai releases your throat to take both your hips. You gulp for air, finding nothing but the thick air of sex and humid breaths, at the opportunity. Heâs ramming into you like heâs found a purpose. âIsnât this the perfect position to do it? Get you pregnant?âÂ
With every last bit of brain power youâve got, teetering on the edge excruciatingly close to salvation, you groan a long, hoarse sound. âFuck, yes! Please, Kai, insideââ A hot trail of tears roll down your temples.Â
Itâs all heâs got to hear to still inside you. His growl rumbles deep in his chest, holding you in place and filling you with his hot cum deep in your cunt. That feeling, coupled with his short grinds against your clit as he fucks his seed deeper, takes your soul by sinful claws and crumbles it down into nothing. You burst into a shaking, whimpering peak, sucking your lips into your mouth to bare through the sheer twisting of your insides and the flame that consumes up your thighs and cunt.Â
He falls on you heavy, face in your neck. Warm kisses against your clammy skin meld with your slow floating down, the two of you a beautiful, nasty picture of fucked out. He stays right inside youâthe absolute stillness of him, you think he has no plans of pulling out any time soon. His long fingers card through your sweaty locks of hair.Â
Finally, he presses himself off you. You get a glimpse of the window behind himâfogged up and filthy with your affairs. Anybody to see the truck from the outside would know exactly what went on inside, but right now, you donât care. Not one bit. Your panted breaths drag in nothing but musk and thick, hot air. The drumbeat in your chest tells you that, despite how you feel ripped straight from your body, you are very much still alive. More alive than ever.Â
âWarm?â he says, pushing sticky hair off his forehead. Heâs a mess, too. His hair is ruffled with your touch, his clothes rumpled the same, beads of sweat rolling down the planes of his cheeks and neck, and his eyes a lazy smolder. As much as he looks like sex personified, a soft smile twitches at his lips.Â
You snort. You canât help but feel giddy, here with him. Youâre with him. Nothing has ever felt more right. Unplugged when he pulls out of you, your mess trickles down onto the seat below you. âYeah,â you say. âVery.âÂ
Warm is not enough to begin to describe how you feel. In your ears, you hear whisperings. Soft and gentle. Perhaps it was divine intervention, or the fates lending you their word, or maybe just rational thought. It says:Â
Home. You are home.Â
âŕ ashlynn's note how do we feel about this pair? i really didn't mean for this to get so long, but i ended up RLLY liking their chemistry. i had to do their story justice. also, i finished this with kai as a guitarist and then his drummer performance came out... hmm.
ďšđˇď¸ ďš@lvrs-street2mmorrow , @soohashits , @f4iryfever , @arcturus444 , @linqed , @serenityism00 , @immelissaaa , @luv4cheol , @lickingan0rchid , @20-cms , @hhoneylix , @beestvng , @hyucktapes , @bewitchless , @prince-jjae , @blankliving , @yaoizee , @stormy1408 , @missychief1404 , if your tag isn't working, check the mentions part of your settings!
#[ ๨ৠ] 𼌠kipoâs favorites .á#[ ⊠] 𼌠kipoâs fic recs .á#[ 𦹠] 𼌠hueningkai .á#ribs playing as i finish this⌠the playlist for this is goated#THIS WAS SOOOO FUCKING GOOD HELLO???? immediately added to my all time favorites#kai in this is sooOoooOOOO RAHHHHHHHđŚ
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#and FUCK yeonjunâźď¸âźď¸#the parallels with the months and kai being all like âitâs just a mothâ and yeonjun straight up killing it#i genuinely could talk about this fic for forever#I LOVE WHEN THEYRE JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!! itâs gonna hit for me everytime and this HITTTT#i dream of your writing style i need to be inside your brain like youâre so insanely talented i NEED some of that water youâre drinking#i love how he got her to go with him and tried his hardest to show her that life is more than the town they grew up in.. that hit CLOSE#genuinely starting crying actually#and the scott street started playing as they confessed to each other and i SOBBED and THEN more than this started playing#i love the moth aspect so much like theyâre truly soulmates tied together⌠nothing is gonna keep them apart not even themselves#THE ENDING WITH THEM IN THE BACKSEATTTTTTT#i (s)creamed like me next me next i need kai so bad especially during that scene he is so fucking hot#genuinely one of the best fics iâve ever read like iâm trying not to have the tags and reblog be all long but i have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS#i WILL be rereading this over and over and over and over!! like genuinely this fic means everything to me i really needed it#the gentle and soft moments of them at the creek picking berries and the moths floating around them#they were ALWAYS meant to be and the moth yeonjun smashed just proves it like#âevery song is about youâ I LITERALLY SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGSSSS LIKE!!!!!!! one of my favorite tropes ever it hits like crack fr#i fucking love this so much and iâm stealing all of the song out of the playlist too#i gotta reread it again so i can catch all the little details now that i have the full story#hueningkai x reader#hueningkai smut#hueningkai angst#txt x reader#txt smut#txt angst
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I feel like each of the 141 has a difference preference when dicking down their mate.
Kyle prefers to stay human, it lets him really get a good show while fucking into the pretty thing he managed to take home. Seeing how your skin contrasts to his softly colored sheets is more reassuring to him that you're his than any scenting could be. Also, he's a lighter sleeper as a human, letting him keep you in his bed if you try to slip out while he's asleep.
Price likes the little hint of other, as a sign of his age and experience. He's the only one of the 141 who can shift only a few senses instead of having to start properly shifting. Let's him memorize your scent while fucking you, all so he can let you have the illusion of choice by letting you go and "finding" you again later. Eventually, he'll make it seem like a bit of fate and offer you out on a date.
Ghost partially shifts, and that's the most he can hold himself back when it comes to you. Claws and teeth come out, drool dripping from his maw to your skin. He needs to taste you, to make sure you taste the same. Taste like his.
Soap is a dog and he will fuck you in full transformation because of it. This man needs you on the most primal level, so why not just fuck you at his most primal. It also gives him a better nose to smell your sweat soaked skin, a longer tongue to shove into you, better hearing to catch each and every whimper you make. He needs to consume you and the best way to do that is with his wolf.
At least, that's my thought.
As usual how does it feel to be so fucking right?
Gaz absolutely prefers fucking you as a human, it feels too much like taking advantage of you when he has his semi-transformed strength and the idea of fucking you fully wolf makes him itch a little. He's so worried about damaging you with his claws and fangs :( his poor human mate, he doesn't want to ruin you. We'll, not like that at least. That won't stop him from knotting you, that's a luxury he can't afford not to indulge in. He loves the way you squirm and complain about the stretch, shushing you with soft coos, promising it'll be over soon, even when he knows it'll be a good 20 minutes at least.
Price is old hat at transformations and after years of growing and shrinking it's worn on his joints, if he doesn't have to transform he won't. He'll indulge in the sensed his wolf-form lends him, pressing his nose to your pulse and getting himself drunk on your scent. His eyes are always dark, animalistic, when he drags his flat tongue against your sex, and you worry that the teeth he's hiding might bite too hard, but he hasn't hurt you yet. And the only scare he gives you is when he presses his hand against your come filled stomach talking about pups.
Ghost simply lacks self control around you. The man has the control of a saint, but once he gets drunk on the scent of your arousal it's over for him. He grips you with heavy clawed hands, his skin splitting with fur and his nose starting to lengthen, and it scares you a little. His breathing is uneven, but his hips don't stop moving even when his bones start to break and his joints begin to pop. His drool dripping onto you is the only indication you get before he's sinking his teeth into your shoulder. You'll have to take wolfsbane in the morning if you don't want to end up going through the same pain.
Soap though... Soap fucks you like a dog, literally. He'll hunt you down on a full moon and hold you down with big paws, murmuring canned tones from his open maw about how he can't stop himself. He's all instinct, all panting and howling as he mounts you and ruts his cock against your sex, uncaring what hole he fucks himself into as long as it's yours. He'll lay directly on top of you once he's knotted you too, licking your face in apology but you know he doesn't mean it because he keeps asking for another round.
#cod x reader#x reader#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#ghost x reader#soap x reader#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x reader#captain john price#captain price x reader#werewolf au#tf 141 x reader#oh wait i forgot i actually have fucked up body horror werewolf headcanons
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way back home â park sunghoon
ââşââ
. WORD COUNT: 22.4k ââşââ
. PAIRING: enhypen's park sunghoon x female!reader ââşââ
. TAGS & WARNINGS: figure skating!au, skater!sunghoon, skater!reader, enemies to lovers!au, ex bsf!au, kind of second chance romance!au, a lot of fluff, a little smidge of angst, a dash of fake dating blink and you'll miss, you used to stake for korea (more abt nationality than ethnicity), some inner conflict, burnout themes, tbz eric as a plot device oops, some heated making out
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. SYNOPSIS: at the age of 5, you thought that you had made a life-long friend in park sunghoon. at the age of 16, you found out that life-long meant 11 years before you decided he was going to be your life-long enemy. but at 21, you're confronted with your past together as your figure skating coach decides to move back home to where you used to skate together after almost 6 years away abroad.
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. NOTES: i've been attempting to write a hoonie ice skating fic for years and years since ice skating has been one of my big interests (watching, not doing) even before enha debuted- that contributed to the fact that hoon was my first bias. it's finally come to fruition and the wc just kept getting longer and longer- hope it's not too boring! i just wanted to write some mostly cute fluffy skater hoon!!
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*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
At the age of 5, you thought that you had made a life-long friend in Park Sunghoon. At the age of 16, you found out that life-long meant 11 years before you decided he was going to be your life-long enemy. You meant it this time, you had told yourself in the mirror of the rink's female bathroom while your hands were gripping the sides of the sink so hard that your knuckles were turning white.
Since that moment that led you to stomping out of the rink while still wearing your skates (thankfully with the guards on) all the way home, you've seen Park Sunghoon a total of 3 times. You're 21 now, but every time you think back to that moment of your falling out, the dull ache lingering in your heart still explodes into a fireball and you have to remind yourself that you'll never let him hurt you the same again.
Your body is set aflame as the president of the ISU gestures with his arms in front of a sold-out crowd for you to skate towards him for the photographers to grab a shot. You're no stranger to pictures with President Kim, but he's also beckoning over the newly crowned 2023-2024 Grand Prix Final Men's champion in Park Sunghoon.
"Aw, my two favourites," Mr. Kim coos as he wraps an arm around each of your shoulders' and grins to the camera, "I always knew it was only a matter of time before I would have two Korean skaters at the top again."
You groan internally at the consequences of being in the same frame as Park Sunghoon. Ever since one of your former classmates anonymously shared to a huge figure skating fan account that you and Sunghoon used to be best friends, you've been receiving demands to share stories about each other, not knowing your current relationship. Well, they must know from the fact that you two don't even follow each other on Instagram. On the flip side, you've also amassed unfathomable hate from his crazy, obsessed fans to stay away. There's always those people.
You paid no mind to them anyway, since being near Park Sunghoon voluntarily was the last thing on your wish list.
Sunghoon keeps the fake smile plastered on his face but snarks out through his teeth, "She doesn't skate for our country anymore. She hasn't in 5 years."
Mr. Kim chortles as if he believed Sunghoon's words to just be banter, "Don't be so unwelcoming, Sunghoon. Y/N is still part of our family."
You held back a scoff, letting out a sigh instead when the photographer finally turned his attention away from the three of you, "Mr President, don't you think you should root for all countries? You're no longer just the president of the Korean Skating Union."
He laughs obliviously, "I know, I know. I guess I should. I love my country of course, but I'll always cheer for you too Y/N. You broke all of our hearts when you switched nationalities."
You refuse to turn your head to your former acquaintance who makes a sound crossed between a scoff and a pained laugh, "Yeah, she sure did. Goodbye, Mr. Kim." Sunghoon bows his body completely at a right angle, pressing the bouquet of flowers he was holding for his win up to his chest before skating away without another glance at you.
Mr. Kim looks at you sheepishly, "You guys are still not on good terms?"
"I don't think we ever will be," you subtly roll your eyes at the hostility from Sunghoon, "I'm sorry he's like that."
"It wasn't all that long ago that you would race each other around the rink at junior nationals after the gala would end," he reminisces fondly, "It would be such a shame for you to have to look back on your friendship with regret."
"The damage is done, Sir," you tap your blade repeatedly on the ice to distract yourself from the pain you felt every time you thought about your friendship, "I hope to see you here again next year."
"Congratulations on your win, my dear," he smiles graciously and lets you skate away after bowing goodbye.
While you were ecstatic about winning your second Grand Prix Final gold medal in a row, you were also happy to share the podium with two friends that you have gotten close and closer to as you spent more time on the circuit. You glided back towards them as they took selfies with their flowers and their medals, trying to ignore the burning feeling on your back as if someone was looking at you from afar.
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You liked to limit your interaction with Park Sunghoon to seeing him from afar once a year at the exhibition gala of the grand prix final or world's. It's only been two years that he's made the final, but you enjoyed another two without his villainous aura before that. Whatever deity you believed in had blessed you for the past 5 years; you hadn't been seeded to a single assignment with him through the seasons. There was definitely a force trying to keep you apart for the greater good of peace. You definitely took it as a sign that he wasn't meant to be back in your life anyway.
You thought that you had filled your quota this year with that little interaction with the president. You thought that you were finally in the clear for another year and you could move on with your life again without this god-awful memory weighing down on your chest every time you were in the same vicinity as him.
But Park Sunghoon stands before you, or more like crouches, as he tries to get a cola lollipop from the machine in the arcade of the hotel. It's not even been 24 hours since you last saw him.
When you spot him on the floor, you immediately turn on your heel to flee without being noticed. He has other plans, it seems.
"Did you know that you stomp like an elephant? For a figure skater, you're not very elegant on normal floors," Sunghoon doesn't take his eyes off the machine, watching as the conveyor belt trying to capture a lollipop turned and turned.
"Eat my ass, Park," you snipe back.
An amused smirk forms on his face as he turns his chin towards you, "Who knew you'd grow up so vulgar? That's quite unbecoming of you, Y/N."
"Don't say my name," you grunt, looking around for someone you know so you could exit this interaction, "In fact, don't even talk to me."
"As if you're the one who should be hurt. You moved continents and changed nationalities without a word," he scoffs, standing up and unwrapping the cola lollipop he had finally acquired, "Moving training locations, fine. But changing nationalities and not even warning your friends?"
If cartoon effects were real, there would be smoke coming out of your ears. You ball your fists tight and keep them glued to your side, "You were the one who broke my heart."
Sunghoon furrows his thick eyebrows together, halting the way he was moving the sweet between his lips. He takes it out and lets out an exasperated sound, "You never let me explai-"
You raise a hand to his face, "Save the bullshit, Park."
As much as a part of you wants to hear what he has to say, it still feels like the wound he inflected 5 years ago opens up anytime you hear his voice. All you could think about was that moment on the ice and the words he said that were sharper than his blades enough to cut deep into your heart. Honestly, you've tried to forgive him, or at least forget, but meeting his eyes now- you want to just run.
There's no longer any amusement in his expression, just frustration. You're satisfied with this, lunging forward to grab an unwrapped orange lollipop from his hand and walking away before he could register what you said or did.
You're breathing heavy; you hadn't let him affect you this way in years, but the anger is rising and the pain is overflowing out of the tiny box you kept it in and stored in the back of your heart. You sort of wish he'd run after you, grab your wrist and call your name, but you know that if you turn around right now, he'd still be in the same position.
It's been 5 years since you spoke to him, nearly 1 since you last saw him at the exhibition gala at the last World's. You don't intend to make a habit of Park Sunghoon again.
âęłâ˘â
*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
Your best friend Chaehyun twizzles around you in what you think is the shape of a heart. She's been trying out fun tricks to go along with the new go-pro that her coach bought for monitoring her training. It flies above the two of you with a prominent buzz that you've learned to tune out. You're standing in the middle of the rink, looking up and visualising the crowd you'll face tomorrow when you start the competition.
"Excited? Nervous?" Chaehyun's voice is naturally sing-songy but it vibrates as she moves at lightning speed around you.
"The same," your breath condenses into a cloud in front of you, "Just getting bored, a bit."
"Yeah, must be boring winning gold every single year for the past 4 years," Chaehyun snides, but not unkindly, "Do me a favour and fall on your axel tomorrow? I wouldn't mind having a world's medal."
"I would, but," you trail off and follow her with your eyes, "I want to go out with a bang."
Chaehyun immediately comes to a stop and rushes over to you, "What? What did you say?"
"I don't know if I should retire at the end of this season," you admit gingerly, gnawing on your bottom lip, "I'm just kind of exhausted."
Chaehyun gives you a weary look, "This doesn't have anything to do with seeing Sunghoon again in Beijing right?"
Your eyes widen at the mention of his name, "Chae, what? No! Why would it be?"
"Well, you cried all night after seeing him in the hotel," she reminded you, "And your coach wants to move back to Korea again."
"She does and I don't want to have to switch coaches. She's been with me since I was a junior, but I really can't move back to Seoul again," you tell her, "It's partly because of Sunghoon; all the memories would just hurt me over and over again the second I step foot in the country. Other than that, I've built a life on this side of the world."
Chaehyun scoffs at you, "Built a life? Your family is still in Korea and me, your best friend, is too. Your parents are getting older and you make them fly out to you every occasion. You shouldn't let Sunghoon dictate your life like this. You literally told me that you want an Olympic gold."
Your memories flash back to August, when you were vacationing with your best friend and drinking margaritas by the seaside, "2026 is really far away."
She gives you a strong side eye, "We can talk about this over dinner. You're literally the best female skater right now; you can't just retire at 21!"
"Alysa Liu retired at 16," you mumble.
Chaehyun smirks vindictively, "And Alysa Liu just announced her return at 19. Look, take a break, do what you need, but please don't give up on your dream so early."
Before you could say another word, a voice echoes in the arena, "Hey, it's our turn to practice."
Both of your heads whip around to the tunnel, where a few tall figures came into the light. Your head moves to the sudden movement of your coach, beckoning you to come off the ice after the end of the senior women's practice. You had wondered why there was no one kicking you off after your slot had finished.
"Heeseung," you grin at the sight of the cherry-haired boy, skating over to him and ignoring the presence of one ex-best friend beside him, "I haven't seen you in forever."
You clasp the boards tightly, swinging the gate open and sliding the guards over your skates. Heeseung is 3, 2, 1 step away from you and he takes you into a warm hug.
"I know," he coos into your hair, "It's a shame that Sunoo got injured and had to withdraw, but here I am in his place!"
You had known Heeseung nearly as long as you knew the boy beside him. When you and Sunghoon joined your skating club, Heeseung had been there for a year already. Through the years, he grew into a sort of older brother figure for the both of you and you never lost contact with him. The past season, he had been struggling with an injury and took off time to heal, but he recovered in time for nationals and placed 4th. Sunghoon had won the gold, Sunoo the silver and Jungwon the bronze. As Sunoo fell victim to an injury in practice in between nationals and World's, Heeseung had been invited to fill the country's berth at the championships.
In the middle of your conversation with Heeseung, you notice Sunghoon stalk away behind you to step onto the rink. You hear him greet Chaehyun happily as he passed by.
"I heard you might be moving back to Korea," Heeseung mumbles lowly under his breath.
"How do you know that?" you furrow your eyebrows at him. Had he overheard you? Did Sunghoon overhear too?
Heeseung shakes his head, his bangs falling into his eyes, "Our coaches used to be partners, remember?"
You flick your gaze to your coach, who was happily catching up with her ex-pairs skating partner of nearly 2 decades. They used to coach at the same rink, but when your coach fancied a change of scenery and was offered a role she couldn't turn down, you followed her across the world. Of course she couldn't keep a secret from her very best friend despite you begging her not to tell anyone yet.
"Does Sunghoon know?" Thankfully, Sunghoon's coach was different and not very close to your coach as Heeseung's coach is.
Heeseung denies this again, "I wanted to talk to you first. What's up with that?"
"Taeyeon's missing home and she feels like she's learned all she could have from head coach," you sigh, "I miss home too, but I don't really want to move. I also think I might take a break for a season instead; I'm feeling burnt out."
5 years ago, your coach was offered to be mentored by the most successful coach in the world of figure skating. While you trusted her already with your life, you both agreed that being under a 2x Olympic winning coach would be beneficial, so you didn't hesitate packing your bags despite the distance it put between your home and your family.
Heeseung looks at you with sincere empathy, wrapping you up again in his arms, "I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Have you spoken to your coach about it?"
"Kind-of. She's going to take on more students when she moves back home so she won't suffer in that regard and she said if I do follow her, I can help coach and maybe get a certificate," you nod, plonking your face straight into his chest, "I don't know what to do, Heeseung."
"I'm not very good at giving pep talks or advice, but I trust you'll make the decision that's best for you," Heeseung murmurs, "Just follow your heart, I guess. Wherever your heart is being pulled to, there must be a reason."
"Hey! You're wasting time!" a sharp, deep voice resonates behind you, causing you to turn your head to watch Sunghoon glaring at the two of you like you just sabotaged Heeseung's career keeping him at the sideline.
"I'll be there in a sec, Hoon," Heeseung remains calm, knowing that his best friend always gets in a mood whenever you're around or you're mentioned near him. He turns back to you, "Are you busy? Do you want to watch us practise?"
To the side of you, Chaehyun is hunching over an iPad with her coach, deep in monitoring. Your coach waves your own device at you when you catch her eye.
"I guess we can monitor here," you tell him reluctantly, to which he smiles, "But if he says anything, let me know so I can leave. I don't want to deal with him right now."
Heeseung squeezes your shoulders and moves past you to reach the gate. Still unsure if you were making the right decision by staying when Sunghoon was under the same room, you make your way gingerly to your coach.
"What a lovely reunion," Taeyeon exhales happily, "Kibum's pretending he's not overjoyed I'm moving back to Seoul."
Kibum is standing shoulder to shoulder at the edge of the rink with Junho, Sunghoon's coach, and they chat animatedly while the boys warm up.
"That's nice," you mumble, fiddling with the iPad to get up your practice run.
Taeyeon continues beside you, "I think you should make up with Sunghoon if you're going to move back home. It'll just be a better atmosphere in the rink."
"I don't know if I will go back," you remind her, "And what's wrong with the atmosphere? We're not affecting anyone."
Your coach lets out the most dramatic scoff you think has ever been produced, "Y/N, sweetheart. The freaking glare that Sunghoon was giving you and Heeseung when you were talking and hugging could have evaporated all the ice in this building. I was scared and he wasn't even looking at me!"
Your eyes dart to him on the ice, slowly speeding up his camel spin. You get that he didn't like you, but what reason did he have for glaring at you when you weren't even looking his way? Unprofessional, you thought to yourself.
"That's his problem, not mine," you jeer, "Can we review?"
Taeyeon giggles at your attitude, "Okay, feisty. Look, all I'm saying is that I watched the two of you grow up together. You had such a special bond and yeah, 5 years is a long time to not be friends from your point right now, but when you're older, that's not gonna be anything if you make up now."
"It's not my choice, Taeyeon," you tap your fingers against the glass screen, "I really hate talking about this."
"One day I'll get it out of you what happened when you fell out," Taeyeon hums off-handedly, "Okay, monitoring. Your spins were great, but you were a bit wobbly on the-"
Despite being the one to encourage focus, you begin to tune her out when you notice in the corner of your eye that Sunghoon was warming up his jumps. You watch him breathe deeply and the way he keeps his eyes up and on the ice to visualise the jump he was going to do. You can't take your eyes off him as he takes off and you hold your breath watching him rotate so quickly in the air. The breath only escapes when his blade collides with the ice and he lands the quad lutz perfectly.
It takes you back to when you were 16 and he was struggling so hard to land this exact jump- one that even Heeseung was yet to master. You remember him falling over and over and over again, training it into the late hours of the evening when you were supposed to be at home and resting. You remember him kicking up ice with his blades in frustration, on the verge of giving up. You remember cooing a pep talk into his ear until he was motivated enough to try again for the last time and finally land it in your presence.
"Y/N," Taeyeon snaps in your ear, "You're actually a walking oxymoron."
"I may dislike him, but I never said he's a bad skater. If there's a good jump about to happen in front of me, I wouldn't ignore it," you fight back, "Okay, sorry, sorry. Focus."
"I'm getting dinner tonight with Kibum and Junho," she tells you suddenly, "Do you want me to not talk about moving back? In case Junho says anything to Sunghoon?"
You let your eyes flutter close as your head spins with all the decisions you had to make soon. Sometimes, you have no idea where you were going next or what event you're training for. It's times like those that you're desperate for the world to freeze at your command.
"I just need some time to think before I make any decisions."
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*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
You don't know where it all went wrong, to be honest. It probably started with the gold medal hanging around your neck and the hundreds of pairs of eyes peering up at you with their hands typing at the speed of lightning on their computers.
The journalist chosen to ask the next question has these sharp, inquisitive eyes.
"Your former nation, the Korean Skating Union has just published their congratulations on your gold medal and celebrating the return of coach Lee Taeyeon to Taereung National Training Center."
Your world stops and even the flashes don't affect your eyes anymore. You'll probably see these photos of you from the press conference all over figure skating twitter in a few minutes. Peripherally, you see Taeyeon's face contort into true horror as she scrambles to the mic.
"How is this going to affect your training? Are you relocating back to Korea with your coach?" the journalist finished up with a smile, as if she didn't just drop the biggest bomb with no warning. You guess it's not her fault; the KSU had spoiled the news too early.
In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter much. Skaters move locations and change coaches frequently; you'd done it once already. The only problem is you haven't told your family just yet... or Sunghoon, who still trained at Taereung with Heeseung and Chaehyun.
"We don't have any comments on that question as of now," Taeyeon pressed her lips together in a tense half-smile and motions for them to choose the next question.
You haven't moved since the question was asked, palms gripping the gold medal around your neck tightly. You don't remember answering many more questions actually and the next thing you know, you're sitting at the end of your hotel bed still in your national team tracksuit.
A rapid knocking begins at your door.
It takes you a few seconds to compose yourself and trudge over, but you sigh in relief when you see it's Chaehyun through the peephole.
"Chae, I'm so glad you're here," you exhale as you unlock the latches and open the door.
She gives you the most painful puppy dog eyes you've ever seen, "I'm so sorry."
"About what?"
Your heart stops again when Park Sunghoon steps into view from where he was hidden from the peephole. Immediately, your instinct is to close the door on both of them, but Sunghoon is quick to wedge his foot where the door is about to slam.
"Shit, shit, that hurts. I fucking have free skate tomorrow," Sunghoon curses under his breath with a hiss.
"I'm sorry, he's really convincing," Chaehyun tries to plead as you give her menacing looks.
Sunghoon crosses his arm and scoffs, still keeping his foot between the door and the frame, "All I asked was where her room was and you came up with the plan of pretending it was just you."
Chaehyun flushes pale and she pinches his arm, "Shut up! You said you wouldn't say!"
"Whatever this is-" you interrupt them harshly, "I don't care for it. So please leave."
Sunghoon rolls his brown eyes, finally using all of his muscle to push on the door and then on your shoulder to move you out of the way. He walks into your hotel room like it's his and gives you a smug look as he stands in the middle.
"Look, I think you two should talk," Chaehyun huffs finally, grabbing on the door handle from her side and pulling it shut, "Sorry, forgive me!"
The electronic door handle plays a quiet jingle as it locks and you're left in the room with your former best friend.
"I don't know what delusion is going through your head to make you think I'm going to stay in this room with you," you sneer, hurriedly budging past him to grab your phone, a hat and a jacket.
"Y/N-"
"Sunghoon, please," you yelp as his fingers clasp around your wrist, "What do you want from me?"
"I just want to talk," his voice is shaky, unsure, hesitant, but his grip is firm and his eyes search yours desperately.
"You want to talk? After 5 years of radio silence you want to talk?" you're frustrated as you snatch your arm back and shove him lightly on his shoulder, "I could have forgiven you if it was six months- a year, even. But 5? We're nothing more than strangers, Park Sunghoon."
Sunghoon winces visibly at your words, shutting his eyes for a second before giving you a pitiful expression, "Are you really moving back to Korea?"
You throw your hands up in the air and laugh dryly, "Are you being serious? You only care about me and want to be friends if I'm close by? As if you have no use for me if I'm somewhere else?"
"Y/N, don't put words in my mouth," Sunghoon begs. Every time he tries to step closer to you, you take a leap back. At this point, you're nearly pressed against the hotel room door, "I've always cared about you-"
"That's bullshit," you spit at him, "How can you say you've always cared about me when you're snappy at best whenever we see each other? How can you say you've always cared about me when you never called, not once, in 5 years?"
You can see his usual ice-cold, nonchalant front cracking in front of you, "I wanted to."
Hot tears sweltered on your water line, just a second away from escaping. They start streaming down your face when you begin to shove at him repeatedly, "You wanted to? Then why didn't you? Why didn't you fucking call, Sunghoon?"
Sunghoon's resolve shatters as he halts your wrist with his own and crushes you in a tight embrace that you try to fight your way out of, "I was angry, okay? I was angry that my first love practically left without warning before I could even tell her what she meant to me. I was angry that you only told me the day before you were leaving. I was angry that there was nothing I could do or say to make you stay. I was angry at the fact that you were going to be thousands of miles away from me, in a different time zone when I'd never known what life was like without you and suddenly I felt like I was being abandoned. I was angry because in all of my conscious memory up until then, you and skating were the only constant things in my life that made me happy. I didn't know what to do with myself without you."
You stop squirming against his body nearly immediately at the revelation, listening to his speech in near medical shock.
"W- what?" your voice is muffled into the material of his Team Korea fleece.
"That's all I wanted to say all these years," Sunghoon exhales like a weight is lifted off his shoulder, "I didn't know how to tell you."
"And if I don't move back to Korea, what are you going to do?" you're still crying, but you regain enough strength to pull away from his warm grip and look into his eyes that begin to flood identically, "How do you think that's going to fix anything?"
You're less than metre away from Sunghoon, but to him, you couldn't be any further apart with a rift in between you. He looks at you and you almost look exactly the same as five years ago. He knows that you're a much different person after the way he hurt you.
"I want to make it up to you, Y/N," he whispers unsurely, "I just-"
"Why did it take you 5 years and me potentially moving home to realise that?"
"I overheard Heeseung and Chaehyun talking about how you were considering retirement or a break," Sunghoon admits guiltily, "I didn't want to ruin anything for you trying to come back into your life when it all seemed so great in America. You've won nearly every medal there is to win. But I had no idea you've been struggling and it's killing me that I wasn't by your side and was adding to your hurt instead."
You make a mental note to bang your two friends' heads together the next time you see them.
"And what makes you think I want you to be by my side?" Sunghoon is the one squirming now, probably not expecting you to be relentless in your grilling. You're a different person than you were 5 years ago; you learned not to give in so easily when even those closest to you had the potential to hurt you.
"Just give me a chance to make it up to you," Sunghoon looks down at you with eyes full of sorrow. His lips are pulled downwards, and in another time, you would have been tugging on his hand to take him to the arcade, or the rink, or the park, or the river- to anywhere that would make him forget whatever was causing him woe, "Whether you're home or not."
You cross your arms and tilt your head to look away from him. You catch sight of the clock on your wall and see that it's nearing 11pm.
You manoeuvre around Sunghoon and begin to push him in the direction of the door, "You have your free skate tomorrow. This conversation isn't going to be the reason you lose; please go back to your hotel room and get some rest. Junho would kill me if he found out you were here this late."
Sunghoon is more than willing to comply with you now, "You're not gonna give me an answer tonight?"
"I can't, Sunghoon," you tell him honestly, "I need to think about this; I need to think about so many things. It feels like my head's not even screwed on the right way right now."
"I'm sorry," he whispers as he turns the handle and opens the door wide, "Good night, Y/N. Thanks for listening to me even though I didn't give you a choice and congratulations on the gold."
Sunghoon makes it three steps away before you call out his name softly.
"Hm?" he turns around to see you half hidden by the door, chewing on your lip as you decide whether to spew out what you were going to say.
"You were my first love too. Anyway, good luck tomorrow."
The door handle jingles and Sunghoon is left alone in the hallway of the hotel, feeling as if his life had just turned around again. At the centre of it, there was always you.
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*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
"You should go home and rest first," Taeyeon pretends to scold you as she reverses into the parking space. She's been giving the same spiel over and over again since she picked you up from the airport, but you knew she didn't mean it from the way she was still driving you to your desired destination.
"I got plenty of rest on the plane and my parents aren't back from work until later," you retort again and then smile, "The KSU gave you a big raise, huh?"
Taeyeon laughs airily and the grin doesn't fade from her face, "I want only the best for my favourite skater."
You nudge her softly when she puts the car into park, "Thank you for paying for my flight. You really didn't have to."
"I get it, you're richer than me," she rolls her eyes, "Let a coach do a nice thing for her student, okay?"
Technically, you're not Taeyeon's student right now, but as her very first and most successful one, you'll always be her favourite. In reality, the fact that the two of you lived alone together and took care of each other in America made you more like family. She was a cross between a mother and an older sister to you and Taeyeon doted on you so that you never felt alone in America. Well, mostly.
She beckons you out of the car and you take the elevator up to the ground floor from the underground car park. There's a bunch of checks that you have to pass upstairs and it feels foreign to you to have a lanyard with the words 'GUEST' printed on them repeatedly. Once upon a time, you ruled this place.
"They're gonna come back from lunch soon. I made Kibum tell them all to come for an announcement after lunch," Taeyeon giggles to herself as she explains her own conspiring.
You chuckle along with her, "You're more of a sucker for this kind of stuff than I am! Telling me to go home and rest when you've been working behind the scenes without me..."
Taeyeon slides her arm around your waist and squeezes you against her side. You pass the double doors into the rink that takes your breath away.
"I'm just glad you're home, Y/N."
Strangely, it looks pretty much exactly the same as when you last saw it. Sure, the seats are getting a little worn and the floors have new scratches from dropped skates or dragging equipment, but the ice is as pristine as ever. It's sparkling white and perfectly surfaced- though you note that's probably due to ahjussi and his zamboni that you see disappearing into the tunnel on the other side of the rink. Chaehyun updates you that your favourite caretaker who's been working at Taereung since you joined is still there and you hope it's him. It would be nice to say hello in person again after nearly 6 years of occasional hello's when you video call your best friend at her training.
Kibum spots you first and jogs around to give you a big hug, "Welcome back to Korea, Y/N. I'm so happy you're here."
"Thanks Kibum," you smile sincerely at him. Since all the coaches at Taereung were so close, having been partners or friends since their own professional days, their students naturally got to know the other coaches too. While Taeyeon excelled at guiding you on techniques, spins and jumps, Kibum used to help fill out and polish your program with flair, charisma and poise. There was a reason that Heeseung always had some of the highest grade of execution scores in every competition. You had definitely missed his input while you were away.
"They should be here soon. I think I can hear Chaehyun," Kibum points to the direction you came in from, "Are you gonna hide or-"
"Shut up. Shut up!"
You spin to see your best friend frozen at the entrance of the rink, her hands over her gaping mouth, "I think it's too late for that."
"Y/N!" Chaehyun breaks out into a sprint and throws her arms around you, knocking you nearly off balance and having to take a few steps back, "What are you doing here?"
"Surprise?" you laugh weakly into her hair, "Aren't you happy I'm here?"
"I'm so happy! How long are you staying? There's so much to do now!" she pulls away from you excitedly and looks at the two coaches, "Where's coach? Do you think she'll let me take a week off?"
"Chae," you stop her bouncing by pressing down on her shoulders, "Relax. I'm moving here. Until the end of this upcoming season, at least."
Chaehyun gasps in delight and embraces you again, "Oh my God, this is the best news ever!"
"We're here too, by the way," Heeseung coughs behind Chaehyun, "We're also happy to see her, so can you share?"
Chaehyun spins and sticks her tongue out at Heeseung, but moves anyway. His hair is black again and longer than the last time you saw him. Despite that, his hug is familiar and you're always comfortable in his presence.
"I knew you'd come sooner than later after Taeyeon came back," Heeseung teases you, "I'm happy to have you around again, sweets."
"Sweets was my nickname for her," Sunghoon's deep voice called out behind the two of you. He's standing kind of awkwardly- leaning against the side of the stands as to act casual.
You remember when you started getting pocket money from your parents. Instead of saving it to buy a new plush or makeup from the mall, you would instead use it to smuggle vending machine sweets to practice. You would secretly slip some to your best friend here and there, and you were always getting scolded by your coach for your incessant sweet tooth despite needing to keep fit and healthy as an athlete.
"Hi Sunghoon," you greet him simply, a soft half-smile pulling on your lips. You immediately notice the change in his appearance, "Love the blonde."
He's a few metres away from you and you can feel all your audience's eyes on you. His own eyes widen slightly at the compliment and he shyly runs his fingers through the platinum locks, "Thanks, Y/N. I'm glad that you're back."
Chaehyun seals her hand over her mouth, but you can still hear the, "aw!" that escaped through the cracks. You spin your head so fast to glare at her that it nearly gives you whiplash.
"Coach, can we at least have the rest of the day off and catch up with Y/N?" Heeseung turns to face Kibum and then at you, "You're not busy, right?"
"You can finish practice now, but Y/N literally just got off the plane, so let her rest if she's tired," Kibum warns the three skaters, "And tomorrow, business as usual, unfortunately."
Chaehyun claps her hands together and drags you with her, calling over her shoulder that she was going to change and they should too. The locker room is still as sterile as you remember it to be- your old locker now devoid of the stickers you used to plaster all over the front.
"So?" Chaehyun quirks an eyebrow expectantly at you as she removed all of her training gear.
"So what, Chaehyun?" you roll your eyes at the girl, tapping at your cheek with your chin in your hand.
"Please, you saw the way Sunghoon was looking at you," Chaehyun laughs in glee, "Oh, I've been waiting for this moment forever."
You ignore the blush creeping up your cheeks, "This is moving too fast. I can't be hating him the last time I saw him to now being buddy-buddy. We talked a bit, yeah, but he still hurt me a lot and we're not in the clear yet. Of course, our relationship will probably never be the same."
"It's been 4 months since World's," Chaehyun notes, "You haven't thought about what you want to happen since then?"
You cock your head and hum in thought, "A little, but I've been distracting myself with the ice shows and every time I think about the situation, it just hurts, so I prefer not to."
"Hoon seems more repentant these days, to be honest. He's kinda sulky every time he sees Taeyeon and you're not by her side. He keeps asking her if you're going to come too," she stifles a laugh in remembrance of his antics.
"Taeyeon never told me that," you raise your eyebrows in surprise.
Chaehyun zips up her training bag as she finishes changing into more summer-appropriate clothes, "All I can tell you is that I'm sure Sunghoon wants to reconcile."
You ponder on it thoughtfully, trying to consider the implications of making up and how you were to go about doing that. It's never as simple as saying sorry and hugging it out; you've been living with the hurt and resentment for 5 years now. It was more second nature to ache whenever you thought of him than to smile. Undoing that is never going to be easy, no matter how much you want to forget the past in an instant and move forward.
"Come on, let's go get drinks," Chaehyun interrupts your thoughts by locking her arm with yours and tugging to exit the locker room.
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*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
When the news came out that you were going to take a break in the next figure skating season, it was safe to say that the whole industry was shocked. You just finished the best run of your career and showed no signs of slowing down. You hadn't even had to withdraw from any events for injury in 2 seasons!
Everyone was asking why- were you injured? Were you depressed? Were you pregnant? That one made you kick your fellow countryman Eric's heel from behind.
The press conference wasn't easy- how were you supposed to just say that you were exhausted and needed a break? Every skater was exhausted, right? There was even more speculation that you were going to switch nationalities again as your coach moved back to Korea and this break was just to hide the fact that you were riding out ISU's one year waiting period. You were glad to quickly shut that down.
For the past four months, you occupied yourself by participating in every ice show and tour imaginable; you loved skating just for the fans and their entertainment when there wasn't judges critiquing every inch of your movement. It took you a long, long time to make up your mind on what to do during your break. While it was so tempting to just stay in America and ignore everything waiting for you on this side of the world, your best friends and family were able to convince you that 5 years was a long time to be away from home. Another option was to just keep pushing on with a different coach at your rink, but you couldn't bring yourself to trust anyone else other than Taeyeon and the team you had already built and just thinking about facing the next season alone left a bad taste in your mouth.
You never informed Chaehyun of your final decision because you knew seeing her reaction in person would be worth it.
Chaehyun had been there to pick up all the pieces after your fallout with Sunghoon. The two of you had known each other for a while since you both skated at the National Training Center since you were juniors, but she was the only one from the rink that reached out after you moved. When you felt isolated in the US after you first moved, Chaehyun had been the one to call you every day despite the time difference to make sure you didn't feel so alone. While you were friends before, Chaehyun became a sister to you thereafter.
It's weird to see all the people you considered best friends or once best friends all around you at the same table.
"Where are you staying?" Heeseung sips on his iced tea casually. He's sitting in front of you, with Sunghoon next to him.
You shrug, "Probably with my parents. It's easier and free."
Chaehyun pouts, "I wish I had a spare room for you!" and then she looks at Heeseung and Sunghoon, "If you two sleep together in the same bed, Y/N can take the other room!"
Heeseung reaches over to flick Chaehyun's forehead, "Why don't you give up your bed then? Plus Hoon snores."
"And you sleep talk," Sunghoon scoffs at his house mate. It's the first words he's said since he sat down at the table.
"You should get an apartment in our building, Y/N," Chaehyun suggests.
"I don't know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow, let alone a year's time, so getting tied down to a lease sounds irresponsible," you admit, "Realistically, I need to go back to America to train cause I don't think the KSU would be very happy about me training at their risk for national team members."
"Oh come on, you know the KSU still loves you!" Heeseung counters.
"That's all fine for appearances, but I don't make them any money so using their facilities is a different ball game," you say, "There's other rinks, of course. I just don't know what to do yet."
"There's no rush," Sunghoon offers hesitantly, "You're on your break to relax, so don't worry about what comes next just yet."
You're taken aback by his contribution; his words are much more comforting than you thought they would be considering where your relationship stood. A few months ago, you and Sunghoon were on opposite sides of a plate with a rift between you that you thought was getting larger and pulling apart as the years went by. Now, it feels like you're both hanging in the air in limbo, waiting for the next move to determine what comes next.
"Thanks Sunghoon," you nod simply, taking a sip of your drink. You don't fail to notice the unsure look that Chaehyun and Heeseung give each other before Chaehyun scrambles to change the topic of conversation.
"Y/N, you haven't seen your parents right? Can I come with you when you go home?" Chaehyun coughs, "It's been a while since I saw them too and I miss your mom's cooking."
Despite Chaehyun's greatest effort to tread into a more neutral conversation, Sunghoon's stomach turns in longing. He too misses your mom's cooking. He misses you too.
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You thought that being Taeyeon's assistant coach-in-training was going to be light work. After all, you'd been on the receiving end of it for many years, so being on the other side should be a breeze, right?
You were terribly, terribly mistaken. And you think that you should give Taeyeon an even bigger raise once the season after this one starts again.
Look, you've always known how hard your coach works. You genuinely do owe your entire career to her and you can't imagine where you would have ended up if it wasn't for her. You just didn't know how much she did behind the scenes in addition to everything she did for you on the ice.
The two of you are sitting in her office at Taereung, crowded around two computer screens side by side. Her office is narrow and small- just a desk, a chair and a few cabinets to keep papers, but the window stretching from the ceiling to the floor overlooking the mountains and hills of Seoul makes it feel much bigger. A few of her medals from her professional career are framed and hung on the wall opposite the desk, and there's picture frames of the two of you, as well as of her and Key when they won their first World's of many, interspersed with her medals.
"What's wrong with her form in this one?" Taeyeon quizzes you, tapping her pen on the freeze frame blown up on one of the screens. It's a still of her oldest student Boeun in the air. At 16 years old, Boeun's already achieved many great things for her country. The upcoming season was around the corner and it was Boeun's first year competing in the senior division, so her training was getting even more intense.
"Her arms aren't tucked in enough," you note slowly, "That's gonna creat resistance and slow her spin, so she might land wobbly or under-rotate."
"Good," Taeyeon nods in satisfaction. The two of you have been at this for hours and you're barely halfway through her free skate. Taeyeon's mostly been explaining to you her own thought processes, but whenever she senses you zoning out or getting bored, she's quick to fire questions at you, "Okay, you can go now."
You do a double take at your coach, "Huh, what? An I really bothering you that much? We're only halfway through the program!"
Taeyeon chuckles dismissively, "You're amazing, Y/N. It's just that it's 3pm and you should be enjoying your season off. I know that you want to gain experience coaching, but it's only the start of the year and we have a long time."
You pout at her request, but end up nodding hesitantly, "Okay, if you say so."
Spinning casually in her chair, Taeyeon murmurs off handedly, "You should catch Sunghoon downstairs; he finishes around this time. Maybe ask him to get some coffee."
Narrowing your eyes at her, you packed up your things, "Is this you meddling?"
"Maybe," she smirked, drumming her pen on the table, "It's not my fault I know the skaters' schedules."
"Stop rewatching Our Beloved Summer. Not every one gets a second chance," she'd been talking your ear off all week about the K-drama she watches every time summer rolled around despite knowing the plot line by heart.
A ghost of a smile flutters on her face, "Maybe, but I think you do. There must be a reason you ended up back in Seoul all this time."
You quirk your eyebrow at her, "And the reason is you moving back here. Whatever, I guess I can see if I can find him, but if he left already, it's not my issue."
You say goodbye to your coach, tugging on your jacket and slipping out of the door. You completely miss the way she scrambled to her phone to text one particular Lee Junho.
Racing down the stairs, you prepare yourself to face Sunghoon alone for the first time since he came to your hotel room. You're somewhat glad that he didn't pester you all these months, instead choosing to use your mutual friends to keep up on you. On the other hand, there's a selfish part of you that wished he would keep chasing.
There's a gaggle of juniors that are on the youngest side all propped up on the boards and watching Sunghoon finish some jump training when you walk into the rink. They're all peering up at him with wide, sparkly, awe-filled eyes as he traverses through the air with a grace you know that's only reserved by him. You used to look at your seniors the same way too; you and Sunghoon would come in early for your shared conditioning training and just perch on the stands watching whoever was on the ice. It was a way to learn, but it was mostly just a way you kept your love for skating alive among all the hardships.
There was never anything better than watching someone you aspired to be, knowing one day, you'll be the one inspiring the next generation. As long as you worked hard, of course.
"Y/N Y/L/N?" a tiny girl with her hair slicked back into a neat bun catches sight of you, gasping in amazement.
Sunghoon pauses on the ice, head snapping around to find you. You give him a small wave and a subtle smile, motioning for him to carry on as you addressed the kids that were one by one realising who you were.
"Hi, how's it going?" you smile genuinely, "What are you guys doing here?"
"We're working in the gym, but we're on a break right now. Coach said that Sunghoon-oppa was on the ice, so we came to watch," the three girls giggle with each other, but there's a soft smile resting on the two boys's flushed cheeks. The one that noticed you steps up against the rest, "I'm a really big fan of you. Coach said that you used to train here and came back, so I've been waiting to meet you. Do you think I could get an autograph?"
She's playing with the hem of her pastel pink training top, but you can tell that she's trying to keep her voice stable. The kids aren't carrying anything themselves, so you take out a notebook and pen from the front pocket of your bag.
"What's your name?" they're all a bit shorter than you, so you bend at the knees to meet her gaze. She grins at you with her brace-adorned teeth and tells you her name.
You sign quickly, leaving an encouraging message of well-wishes, tearing off the paper and handing it to her. The other kids have formed a queue behind her and are looking at you expectantly and so shyly that your heart bursts with happiness. You didn't have many juniors around at your old rink and certainly not ones who truly knew who you were and where you came from.
"I'll be around all season," you tell them as you sign the last piece of paper, "Don't be shy to talk to me, okay? It's my job after all to make sure you guys all become the best skaters you can be. No one knows this life better than your seniors, so make use of us."
Their grins are splitting their faces as they nod excitedly and run off to wherever their coach had appeared from. She gives you a grateful nod for entertaining them and by this time, you notice Sunghoon walking over to you, skates already off.
"You sure have a fanclub here," Sunghoon muses lightly.
"Ha, I didn't mean to conduct my very own meet and greet, but they're all so adorable," you say fondly.
Sunghoon mirrors your expression as nostalgia clouds his eyes, "Remember when we saw Jaejoong-sunbae in our first week here and snuck out of lesson to find him in the building?"
You clap your hands together at the forgotten memory being pulled to the forefront of your brain, "Oh my gosh and our coaches scolded us so much when they hunted us down and found us making him sign our skates and our bags!"
"Junho was just salty that Jaejoong was the face of figure skating at their time and not him," Sunghoon watches his coach disappear into a tunnel on the other side of the rink, "I bet they did that to their seniors whenever they came to Taereung!"
"Yeah," you agree, "Have they already got your signature?"
His eyes twinkle, "Yeah, the girls always watch whenever they're here."
"Sounds like they have a crush," you fold your arms and chuckle, "Let them down gently, yeah?"
"Ah, don't want a reputation as a heart breaker around here now, do I?" Sunghoon laughs easily, but then he realises the words that slip out and he slaps a hand to his mouth, "Wait. Um."
"It's cool," you giggle, "Taeyeon told me you were about to finish training for the day. I thought that maybe we could get a drink somewhere?"
Sunghoon's eyes widen in surprise, "Really?" you nod, "Oh yeah, of course. Wait here; I'll grab my stuff from the locker room and we can go."
âęłâ˘â
*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
Something you never really thought about much was the fact that you and Sunghoon fell apart as teenagers. It was silly to say, but you had never considered the fact that now you're adults, your lives were very different.
Sunghoon was cruising down the highway with one hand on the wheel and the other propped up onto the door. His car is modern and shiny and his side profile from your view is exquisite- wait, what?
"When did you learn to drive?" you ask quietly, trying to keep your eyes on the road in front. There wasn't that much to do around the training centre, so Sunghoon suggested to go into the city and find a nice cafÊ in Hongdae to explore.
"It's been a couple of years. It was kind of necessary to get to Taereung when I moved out of the dorms," Sunghoon hums, "Do you know how to drive in the US?"
"I got my license, but I never really drove. Taeyeon and I lived together, so she would just drive the two of us everywhere," you recount, "She made me get my license cause it's easy over there. I'm not sure how well my skills will translate over here."
Sunghoon runs his free fingers through the platinum strands of his hair, "Let me know if you wanna go for a drive to learn. I can help you."
Trying to ignore the flush in your cheeks, you scoff playfully, "You would trust me with your nice car?"
Sunghoon meets your eyes and it burns through you so intensely that you immediately look away. Internally, you're beating yourself up for acting so pathetic around him.
He lets out a sound that's a cross between a laugh and an exhale, "I used to trust you with my life."
Dumbstruck, you keep quiet and chew on your bottom lip. Sunghoon doesn't press any further and the two of you just listen to the smooth r&b playing on the radio. Until you get to the parking space, it's silent, but you don't know what else to say to act casual around him. You stopped being casual with him 5 years ago.
By the time that you wrestle your seatbelt off and collect your bags from the floor of his car, Sunghoon has jumped out and raced around to open the door for you. It takes everything in you to not crumble.
"Thanks," you smile slightly. Sunghoon's stare remains intense and piercing.
He directs you into the cafĂŠ and the two of you awe and marvel at the array of cakes and pastries all decorated to look like animals or objects. He doesn't fight you when you breach the topic of paying for your own drink and confectionary, but he does carry the tray with both of your items over to a table by a window.
"Thanks for coming to see me and inviting me out," Sunghoon purses his lips hesitantly, not knowing whether to dive so deep so quickly.
You jam a fork into the chocolate cake dressed up as a bear, "I've made you wait long enough since World's. And I think nearly 6 years is a long enough time of enduring all this angst."
"You're right," Sunghoon utters, sighing deeply, "I just- I just don't even know where to start."
"The very start, I guess," you say sheepishly, "I never meant to wait until the day before to tell you I was leaving. The whole time that Taeyeon was convincing me to go with her, I was completely in denial about leaving. I think that I didn't want to tell you, because if I did, it would seem real that I was leaving you. You were the hardest thing I was leaving behind."
"Wonder what your parents would say to that," Sunghoon tried to joke, but he sounds more sad than anything as you delve back into the past, "I heard rumours about it, but I didn't want to confront you about leaving either. I just thought that there was really no way that we could ever be apart. I mean, our coaches had to schedule all of our training back to back because we were just so attached at the hip."
When you were young, everywhere you went, Sunghoon would be right beside you. School, the rink, the mall, the playground, the gym, the cafeteria- everywhere. You were like each other's lifeline.
"I was going to ask you to call, to keep in touch-"
Sunghoon's eyelids flutter close in regret, "And then I called you selfish before you could even say that. And I said so many words that I definitely did not mean. I'm sorry for that, Y/N. Please know that I really am."
Your eyes brim with stinging tears, so you crane your neck down and sip at your milkshake to calm down.
The hardest thing through the years was whenever you were left alone with your thoughts. Somehow, everything always led back to the boy that was now sitting in front of you. But for years, you couldn't escape the heartbreaking feeling every time you remembered the look of betrayal on his face when you told him you were leaving, and then the anger that seeped into his features.
"We were just kids," you bite your lip and swipe at your lash-line, "I wish I could go back in time and say goodbye properly."
Sunghoon pushed a piece of his cake around with his fork on the plate, "I was angry that you were leaving because I was going to confess to you that week."
Your gaze snaps up to his, "Really?"
"Mhm, I had been planning it and trying to work up the courage for so long at that point," he chuckles bitterly, "The fairground was opening up for the summer that week, if I remember correctly. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go and I was gonna try and confess then. You leaving so abruptly just broke my heart. I know it's not your fault though."
Your own heart cracks at the revelation, "I'm sorry, Hoon."
"And then I found out through Chaehyun that you were switching nationalities and it felt like we were two worlds apart," Sunghoon admits reluctantly.
You think back to when you were 17, being lured in by the country you held dual citizenship for and knowing that the deadline to choose a nationality was looming close, "There was so much depth in the Korean senior women's field. Taeyeon encouraged me to switch to increase the likelihood of winning national titles and getting spots at the Olympics. And they were willing to pump so much money into my training and paying Taeyeon that I couldn't say no."
"I know," Hoon nods affirmatively, "You don't have to explain yourself for that. You made the right choice and you're an Olympic silver medalist for it."
You smile weakly.
He continues, "The training centre felt so empty without you. For the first time, I actually had to make an effort to talk to the other athletes and none of them could measure up to you."
"I was really lonely in America," you confess in a small voice, "There were so many days that I almost called even though we left on such bad terms. I just wanted to hear your voice sometimes."
Sunghoon's eyes soften and his eyebrows pull together in regret, "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I missed you so much and I'm willing to do anything and everything to fix this- to fix us."
"And if I have to leave after this season?"
Sunghoon reaches over suddenly and wipes his thumb at the corner of your mouth. His finger ghosts over your lips for a second and your heart skips a beat and then begins to race.
"Sorry, you had some cake there," Sunghoon murmurs, "If you end up on the moon next season, I'll personally build a rocket to get to you."
Unconsciously, you let out a full laugh that causes a smile to invade his face. You bat at his arm, "Now, come on. That's too cheesy."
Sunghoon waits for you to stop laughing when he connects your eyes together, "But I mean it, Y/N. I need you in my life."
The steady, but quick thrum of your heartbeat pulses against your chest wall. All you can focus on is the adoring look that Park Sunghoon is directing at you. It feels like that's all you need.
âęłâ˘â
*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
For someone who spent their whole life on frozen water, you certainly didn't spend much time with it... unfrozen. But Seoul in the peak of summer is something akin to hell on earth- you couldn't walk more than a few blocks without having to duck into a convenience store or any shop that had air conditioning. As much as you wanted to wear as little as possible to avoid soaked fabrics sticking to your skin, you recognised that you weren't in America anymore and the looks you'd get from the sweaty grannies was frankly guilt-tripping. Even hanging around the rink on those hottest days wasn't any fun- the ice was more temperamental than usual and the shock you felt the second you step outside after spending time somewhere relatively cool just intensifies.
On your day off, Chaehyun magically appears at your familial home, giving you a mischievous smile.
"Heeseung has a friend of a friend of a friend-"
You give her a pointed look, "You want us to crash a stranger's house party just so we can use their pool?"
Chaehyun humphs, "No! We're invited. Heeseung and Sunghoon are already on their way there, so get your ass in a bikini so we can go!"
"Sunghoon's coming?" your heart began to race a little faster at the thought, but Chaehyun throws a pillow at you before you can even collect yourself.
"You lovesick loser."
You catapult the pillow back, "Am not! I don't like him like that anymore."
"Tell that to the heart eyes you get anytime he's around. Since the two of you made up, you've both been insufferable dancing around each other," Chaehyun's voice takes on a mocking tone as she mimics you, "'Oh Chae, his triple axel is so pretty today!' or 'oh Chae his training top fits him so well! or 'oh Chae, he brought me coffee today!'"
You ignore the giggling girl behind you in favour of packing some towels and a change of clothes into your bag. Over the past few weeks since you resolved things with Sunghoon in the cafĂŠ, he's made it a mission to make your life hell- well, he doesn't know that.
You thought that there was no way you could ever like-like him again after all the hurt that you grew to associate with him, but recently, your head and your heart have been all over the place. It's been hard to see each other super often since your schedules didn't overlap much, but he went out of his way to do nice things for you, such as getting you drinks after he finished training and you were still working or dropping by little snacks with encouraging notes to the office for you to encounter once you came in.
There was also the glaringly obvious change in your dynamics in the fact that he grew up hot. Sunghoon had always been handsome even when you were kids (it's one of the reasons you developed a raging crush on him), but it's different now that you're adults. Your brain worked differently now and his appearance and the way he commanded the ice all while making training gear look like designer had you feeling some kind of way.
"Hurry up," your best friend whined from your bed. You humph noisily and speed up shoving random items that you think you'll need into the bag until she has enough and starts tugging on your arm. I mean, it's her fault she only gave you a few minute's notice from when she turned up at your door.
Chaehyun drives like a mad-man all the way to this elusive friend of a friend of a friend's house that you start thinking you might need to get your own car to get you to places in this city. But then you remember how pretty Sunghoon's profile looked from the passenger seat-
"Why are you smiling like that?" Chaehyun laughs, "You look like an idiot."
You roll your eyes, "I'm just happy to be going to a pool party."
"You're happy to go to a pool party so you can see Sunghoon shirtless-" you reach over and she yelps, "Yah! Don't hit the driver! I'm gonna drive us off this cliff!"
You retract your arm away from her, "Don't say stupid shit, Chaehyun."
"I better not see you staring later then," she murmurs under her breath as she pulls into a parking space near the house. You text Heeseung to come and get the two of you outside because you didn't want to walk straight into this guy's garden without the ones who invited you.
He meets you promptly, a cup of something in hand and sunglasses hanging on the tip of his nose, "Urgh, finally. Hoon and I were waiting until you two got here so we could swim. It's so hot!"
You've only been outside of the car for a couple of minutes, but there's sweat forming in beads on your hairline already. You follow Heeseung through the side gate towards the direction of blaring music and the smell of barbecue. It truly was a party, because you couldn't even locate Sunghoon once you stepped into the clearing.
There were people crowded on loungers and people hovering by the barbecue and even more surrounding a ping pong table that was being used for beer pong. The pool wasn't super crowded, mainly for the fact that this guy lived in a mansion and his pool was practically Olympic sized.
"Jay!" Heeseung calls over a tall man with slick back hair and a sharp jawline, who smiles kindly to the two of you, "These are my friends Y/N and Chaehyun. Guys, this is Jay's house."
"You have an amazing house," Chaehyun gawks, "What do you do?
"He's a model," Heeseung answers for him hurriedly, "Y/N, Sunghoon's over there, go get him."
Heeseung points to the opposite corner of the garden where you could make out a group of people sat on outdoor couches around an unlit fire-pit. You squint and try to focus, seeing Sunghoon conversing with a girl that was leaning her whole body into him.
You pull a sour face, "I think he's busy."
"Get him," Chaehyun nudges you encouragingly, "He doesn't even look happy to be there."
You huff loudly, already sensing their meddling from a million miles away. What could you do though? It was basically law that best friends would tease two ex friends who had feelings for each other in the past to get together.
Quickly muttering a goodbye to the host, who flashes you a charming grin, you stalk all the way over to fire-pit. As you get closer, you begin to hear their conversation.
"Your arms are really big," this girl runs the tips of her fingers along his arm that was stretched out on the couch behind this girl, but Sunghoon visibly recoils from her touch, "Aw, am I making you shy?"
You nearly puke at her sugar sweet tone and halt your steps instead to watch how Sunghoon would react. You didn't want to cock-block the guy if he was actually interested and you were reading the situation wrong.
"Um, thanks?" his voice is awkward and he takes a swig of the liquid in his cup.
"What are you doing tomorrow? My friends and I are hosting a party at my house if you wanna come," she continues on, "It'll be really fun!"
"Ah, I'm not really into parties."
The girl pouts her glossy lips, "Really? How about we hangout alone then?"
"I told you that I-"
Annoyed at the thought of having to hear any more of this conversation, you clear your throat, causing Sunghoon's head to fly in the direction of the sound. He does a quick double take, but his face lights up all the way to his crinkled eyes once he realises it's you. You don't think you've ever seen a man stand up so quickly and this girl jumps back on the couch, clearly offended.
"Y/N, baby, you're here!" your eyes bulge out of socket when Sunghoon wraps his defined arms around your waist, making contact with the skin exposed by your cropped shirt. He nuzzles his head into your neck and leans up to whisper into your ear, "Play along, please?"
The girl on the couch scoffs at Sunghoon, "I thought you were just trying to brush me off when you said you had a girlfriend."
You narrow your eyes at her as Hoon settles beside you, keeping one hand squeezing your waist, "Then why didn't you get the hint? Do you wanna be a homewrecker?"
The girl stands up and rolls her eyes at you, "Whatever," she stomps away, stopping at a group of girls that are all staring at you menacingly.
"What was that?" you mumble to Sunghoon, who is smiling at you sheepishly and taking his arm off you.
He scratches the back of his neck, "Ah, sorry Y/N. She wouldn't leave me alone so I said I had a girlfriend."
"That didn't seem to work anyway," you retort in amusement, "And you were letting her get awfully close and touchy for someone who had a so-called girlfriend."
Sunghoon opens his mouth to apologise again, but a glimmer appears in his eyes that causes him to hold back and smirk, "Ah, why- were you jealous, Y/N?"
You grit your teeth and smack his chest, "In your dreams, Park. Let's go in the pool- it's so hot."
Mercifully, Sunghoon decides not to say anything else as he watches you put down your bag on the couch he was occupying and tug at your clothes.
"Look away," you murmur, causing Sunghoon's cheeks to redden. Thankfully, he could use the alcohol he was sipping on as an excuse as to why his face was so flushed as he turns around and pulls his own shirt over his head. He hears you unzip your skirt and drop it onto the couch, and then the pitter patter of your flip flops towards the pool, "Come on!"
Sunghoon only turns in time to see you slide into the pool off the side, so he quickly ducks down and follows. The heat is absolutely battering your skin, so you briefly plunge your entire body and resurface to find him smiling goofily at you.
"What?" you interrogate curiously.
Sunghoon shakes his head and splashes water up to his face, "Nothing, nothing. Aren't you glad that you came?"
"Well, I was forced to," you grin, splashing cheekily at him.
Sumghoon pouts and splashes back at you, "Are we playing this game?"
Cocking your head to the side in fake innocence, you peer up at him, "What game?" you scoop with your cupped palms and flick the amassed water over his body.
A mischievous look creeps up on his features and he smirks at you, "You don't know what you're getting into, Y/N."
You turn as quickly as you can in the water, launching off in a random direction in a pathetic paddle/waddle considering the fact you're not a great swimmer. His laugh echoes in the air as he dives and chases after you, and before you realise, his arms snake around your exposed waist and he drags and dunks you under the water. Thrashing, you kick against him, but Sunghoon's hold is too strong on your body even after you surface. You splutter the water out and rub at your eyes to get the chlorine water and your sticking hair away.
When you open your eyes, you realise that your bodies are pressed up against each other, him clinging to you, with your faces just mere centimetres apart. You're breathing heavy from your underwater struggle, lips parted and exhaling. Intently, you watch as Sunghoon's eyes peer into yours and then flash down to your lips before he cracks a grin.
"I guess I win?"
You grunt, pushing him away, "You have 5 seconds to run, Park."
âęłâ˘â
*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
Summer ceases for another year in the blink of an eye and autumn creeps in slowly, and then all at once. The leaves on the trees surrounding Taereung have long changed colours, now making their home on the ground in piles of yellows, oranges and reds. You're both eagerly anticipating and dreading the snow, mindful of the fact you haven't lived through a Korean winter in a long, long time.
You try to appreciate the chilly breeze with clear skies, but it's hard when you had gotten used to the same mild or scorching temperature year around.
Sunghoon sighs as he steps in front of you, watching you tug your gloved hands on the neck of your jacket, "You've forgotten all about our autumn and winter, haven't you?" He unwraps the wool scarf that was adorning his neck and places it around your own. You hope that he'll put down the flush on your cheeks to the weather.
"Hoon, it's fine. We're not even going to be walking far," you insist, moving to take it off, but he places a hand over yours and gives you a sharp look that has you backing down.
He takes the handle of the suitcase away from your grip and walks in front of you. You huff and chase after him, "Seriously, Sunghoon. What if you get sick? I'm not the one competing."
He flashes you a prince-like smile, "Then you'll just have to take care of me- ow!" he flinches as you swat at him, "It's fine, Y/N. This weather is nothing to me and I mainly brought it for you. I knew you wouldn't be prepared."
You quieten down and ponder on his words. You shouldn't be surprised- even when you were young, Sunghoon was always attentive to your needs. Not much had changed since and you feel like you've fallen into the routine of your old friendship again, with a hint of flirtatious remarks from him then and now.
It's a nice feeling to be getting along with him again. It's filled up and healed a crack in your heart that appeared when you left and was never mended until now. Even though it was hard at first to be open with him, he's doing a diligent job breaking down your walls and occupying the space beside you like he once did.
The walk from the airport drop-off to the entrance is decently long, but Sunghoon rolls the two carry-on suitcases beside him, while you just haul your handbag. You're meeting the rest of Team Korea seeded to this competition at the airport, which makes you nervous. There's one other women's skater and a pair of ice dancers travelling to America with their coaches and staff and they're so young that you don't know them from your junior days. As much as Sunghoon, your friends and your coach try to convince you otherwise, you're not a part of their country's staff and a lot of them are likely reluctant to talk to you about strategy and programs- especially the skater that you would compete against on the circuit.
Lee Yunah fakes a smile at you when the two of you join the team at the check in desk. She grins over at your companion and tells him that they're sitting next to each other in business class. You're preparing yourself for a near 13 hour flight in economy next to Junho, Sunghoon's coach. It was definitely nice of Team Korea to fly out their skaters in business class on the way to competitions- something you were also used to with your federation.
You don't really know why Lee Yunah isn't fond of you. Of course, she's never mean or outwardly vicious, but you get the feeling through her pointed looks and tight-lipped smiles that you weren't her favourite person. Most girls you know in the circuit are so sweet- they always congratulate you and make conversation whenever they see you, but you've never had a full on chat with her despite sharing a language. You know that she's a couple years younger than you, but only came to Taereung 2 years ago after training someplace abroad.
You're heading to Skate America with the team because you figured you could watch and then travel to your home to get some things you left behind and check on your apartment. It was currently left half-empty after Taeyeon moved all of her things out, but your belongings were still there. You had a cleaner come every month to make sure the apartment was still standing and wasn't being infested while you were gone, but you thought it wouldn't hurt to come and see it for yourself and maybe see a few friends.
You and Sunghoon mostly just sit in silence at the gate after you pass security, texting your families your whereabouts and telling anyone relevant that you were going to be off your phones for the duration of the flight. You queue up your playlist and try to search online the movies available on the flight to save some time picking on the plane.
At one point, he excuses himself to the bathroom and returns with your favourite drink in his hand.
"Saw it in the vending machine by the toilets," he shrugs casually, to which you thank him profusely. You're a big fan of airplane food, much to everyone's chagrin, but you absolutely loathe the small selection of drinks they have to offer. The iced tea will definitely carry you through the flight.
When you finally get onto the aircraft, you're delighted to find that only you and Junho are in the row of 4 seats, so he shuffles to the other end to give the two of you space in the middle. While it's not the window seat where you could rest your head on the side, you and Junho can definitely take turns stretching out across the unoccupied seats and having a better sleep. It's a night flight, so you're definitely going to be exhausted in a few hours.
Before you turn your phone to airplane mode, Sunghoon texts you a selfie from his seat, looking sad with an exaggerated pout despite the fact that he's in a lie-flat seat with a screen twice the size of yours. You send him multiple eye roll emojis before telling him to get some good rest on the flight.
It takes around 40 minutes for the plane to taxi, take off and climb before the seatbelt sign turns off and the plane reaches a constant altitude. The plot of the movie you chose is dragging on a bit, causing your eyes to droop already, when a figure appears from Junho's side and leans down next to him. You watch curiously as Junho stands up from his seat into the aisle and as Sunghoon crosses two other seats to plop down next to you.
"Hi," he breathes out.
"What are you doing here?" you pause the movie and quirk an eyebrow at him.
"Yunah wouldn't stop talking my ear off!" he grumbles, settling into the seat, "Even when I put the partition up, she put it down after 5 minutes."
"So what?" you muse, "Are you giving up your lavish life in business class to be uncomfortable in economy?"
"I don't wanna sit next to her," Sunghoon whines, "Her crush on me is suffocating. I thought she would have moved on by now."
Ah, there it was. It was pretty obvious to anyone that had eyes that Yunah had a big, fat crush on your friend. You also knew that Sunghoon was pretty oblivious when it came to things like this- or he was when you were younger. That's why it came as a surprise that he already knew.
"She confessed?"
Sunghoon lets his eyes flutter closed, his long lashes kissing the tip of his cheeks, "Mhm, maybe a couple weeks before you came to Seoul? I rejected her then, but she hasn't given up, it seems."
You tear your eyes away from him, afraid you'll do something stupid like brush the fallen lash that sits on his cheekbone with your thumb, "Why did you reject her? She seems like a nice enough girl to you."
"She's not who I want," Sunghoon murmurs without missing a beat. He doesn't even let you ponder on his words before he opens his eyes and turns to his coach, poking him with his finger, "Hyung, can you take my seat? I wanna lie down here."
Junho gives him a funny look and they exchange a few words that you tune out as you think about what Sunghoon means. Does that mean there's someone in his head that he's decided on? Someone he's crushing on?
As Junho happily waddles out of economy to occupy his newly upgraded seat, Sunghoon stretches out across the seats. You notice that his feet ever so slightly dangle to the side into the footwell, so you grab a pillow and place it on your lap.
"Sunghoon, put your head here," you pat the squishy fabric.
He looks up at you with big, shiny eyes that had the ice in your heart melting, "Are you sure?"
You give him an affirmative nod and watch as he shuffles his head up to your lap and nuzzles to get comfortable. There's a light, resting smile on his lips and you softly brush the hair out of his eyes.
"Goodnigh, Y/N. Wake me up when you wanna swap," he breathes out, eyes already squeezed shut.
"Goodnight, Hoonie."
âęłâ˘â
*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
The gold medal hanging around Sunghoon's neck compliments the beam on his face as he poses for photos on the podium. Your heart squeezes in pride; you've been noticing how he's getting more and more consistent with his wins over the past two seasons and it's starting to look like he's going to dominate the male field single handedly. This was all you ever dreamed of when you were young and aspiring; winning and winning some more and being by each other's side. There were some bumps on the road with that, such as Sunghoon's run in with a bad form early on of his senior career, while you were experiencing the opposite. You sigh contently at the universe's plan to move everything around you as everything fell into place.
"Gold looks good on you, Park," Sunghoon is grinning at you as he walks over to you after the press conference, a while later.
"Do you ever get tired of it?" Sungjoon holds up the medal hanging around his neck delicately like it's a baby and the most precious thing he's laid his eyes on.
You nudge his arm with your elbow, "Don't act like this is your first; you're not that far behind me."
While you exploded on the scene as soon as you made your transition to seniors, Sunghoon's growth was gradual and more sustainable. He worked hard and steadily over the years, waiting patiently to reap his rewards. Now, he was decorated with nearly every medal in quick succession.
"Nah, you're miles ahead, sweets," he drops the term so casually you almost don't react, but by the time you realise, Junho is telling him it's almost time to warm up and run through his exhibition gala routine.
Sunghoon turns to you as he pulls the medal off his body and drops it around your shoulders, "Can you keep this safe for me? I'll see you after the gala, yeah?" his left eye drops into a wink before he takes off on a jog back into the direction of the rink.
You're stood there dumbfounded, fingers clasping the fabric of the medal. Junho stifles a laugh at you, making a note in his head to tell Taeyeon how your relationship has progressed in just a short time from the airport to now.
âęłâ˘â
*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
"Welcome to my home sweet home," you breathe out as you step foot in your apartment for the first time in months.
It's a little chilly and the air is a bit stagnant, but otherwise, the apartment has been maintained well by your caretaker. You quickly turn on the heating and A/C to circulate the air while Sunghoon rolls his small suitcase in and takes off his shoes by the door. It's the first time you've seen shoes that weren't Taeyeon's next to yours in this apartment and it endears you to see it's Sunghoon's beat up shoes from when you were younger.
"You need new shoes, Hoon," you mumble pointedly at the raggedy pair.
He pouts cutely, "They're my favourite! They're perfectly moulded to my feet and we bought them together at the department store on my 16th birthday, remember?"
"And you are 21 now, Park Sunghoon," you crinkle your nose at him, "I think you can afford to part ways with them."
"It's not about affording, it's about our emotional bond!" he protests while he taps his sock-covered feet on the leather that was about to peel.
"Whatever. That is Taeyeon's old room. Put your stuff in there and I'll find some bed sheets," you point at the door on one side of the living room. You cross the shared area to reach your own bedroom and the linen closet.
By the time that you managed to pair up two sets of everything to adorn your stripped beds, you find Sunghoon in the kitchen, snooping through your cupboards. You doubt that he would find anything; fresh food hasn't crossed the threshold since you left and you did a freezer clear-out of most things too.
"Are you hungry? There's not gonna be any food, so we can order in," you pass by behind him as you go to drop the sheets in the room.
The two of you had breakfast in the hotel buffet in the morning with the rest of Team Korea, but after that, you were busy packing your bags and stressing about making it to the airport in time to eat between Texas and your home. It's creeping up on dinner time, so as athletes, you were starving.
"Can we order Korean food?" Sunghoon's tone has a cheeky lilt to it, which you don't understand until he turns around and you find green bottles in his grasp.
You gasp, "I left soju here? I thought I drank them all when I had a goodbye get together with my friends. What a nice surprise, but should we be drinking?"
Sunghoon shrugs and places three bottles on the dining room table, "Why not? I just won Skate America so we can celebrate, I guess. And we don't have any schedules or training for the next few days."
You always planned to visit your apartment after the competition even if it required a short plane ride to a different state. What you hadn't initially decided was whether you would invite Sunghoon or not. In your head, it was going to be a bit awkward inviting Sunghoon to a trip just alone straight off the bat without any of your friends first, but Chaehyun convinced you that there was nothing wrong inviting your friend. At one point, you considered each other best friends and you wouldn't have hesitated in the past, even when you did have a crush on him.
Convincing Heeseung and Chaehyun to fly to the States and make it a group treat came to no avail as they were both going to Skate Canada just a few days after Skate America and therefore would need to be using this time intensely training. You considered taking a trip over to Halifax and watching your other best friends too, and then trying to convince them to come back with you, but going coast to coast back and forth was tiring and time-wasting. You don't think that Taeyeon would appreciate you skipping out on more days of work back in Korea just because you couldn't stomach the thought of being alone with Sunghoon in a private place.
In the months you've been in Korea, you've definitely been alone with Sunghoon- you eat together often, you work out together often, you walk around shopping districts and cafĂŠ hunt together often, but you haven't been alone with him with nowhere to run to yet. This is your apartment after all.
After you order the food, you convince Sunghoon to go and set up the bed and unpack his belongings a little, while you did the same in your room. Apart from the stripped bed, the room seemed largely untouched and a little empty. Still, you left behind some memorabilia such as some of your competition gifts (all the medals and trophies were in the living room, as they were celebrating both you and your coach), pictures with your friends and team on this side of the world and a heap of plushies that you couldn't justify hauling with you all the way to Korea.
You took most of your clothes to Korea, but you left behind your competition dresses that were displayed on a rail. Fondly, you inspected each of them and let the warmth of the memory fill your heart. While you were missing competing already, you know in your heart that this break is what you need so you don't burn out too fast; you want to be with the sport for as long as possible, even if you did foolishly contemplate retiring at first.
After intense and thought-provoking conversations with your coach and your best friends, you came to the decision that taking a break was a much easier and less-permanent step than announcing you were retiring off the bat. You know you made the right decision when the thought of coming back on the ice made you feel excited, instead of dread.
Your door was ajar, but you still get shocked when Sunghoon knocks on the wood to let you know of his presence, "The food came, Y/N."
"Oh, really? Sorry, I didn't hear it but thanks for getting it," you furrow your eyebrows at how you spaced out.
Sunghoon steps further into your bedroom, which has you training your eyes on him carefully as he perches on the end of your bed, "It's weird not knowing what your bedroom looks like now, when I used to have them all memorised."
Your heart clenches at the thought. When you still lived at home with your parents, Sunghoon lived nearby and was always around for play dates in your room or house. As you grew up, the two of you would study together on your large desk side by side with the chair that he stole out of your parents' office. When you both moved into the dorms briefly, you would find ways to sneak him into your room even when boys weren't allowed in the girls' dormitory. He spent a lot of time in your dorm room napping while you did online school before the two of you would head over to the rinks for training.
You hang your costume from the last Olympics back onto the white rail, "Well, now you know."
Sunghoon takes this as an invitation to inspect more purposefully. There's a printed picture of you, Chaehyun and Heeseung on the pin board above your desk. From Heeseung's hair colour, Sunghoon could tell it was from a couple of years ago. There's a few newspaper clippings up about your victories and a few childhood photos of you on the ice. When he finds that there's nothing to indicate his previous presence in your life, he feels a little guilt, even though he expected it.
He was such a big part of your life once- and you to his- but misunderstandings had forced the two of you apart, mainly due to his own angst. If he wasn't so stupid and young, maybe his face would appear on your pinboard too to signify his importance.
"I can feel you thinking over there," you chuckle and sit next to him, "What's up?"
Sunghoon's eyebrows are knitted together in some kind of frustration, "I missed so much of your life because I was so up my own ass. You achieved all the things we talked and dreamed about for so long and I couldn't even celebrate with you or tell you how proud I am of you. I'm sorry, Y/N."
His words take you aback and you instinctively lean into his body, "Stop saying sorry, Hoon. We agreed to move past it, remember?"
He kisses his teeth, "I know, but I'm still so angry at myself for doing that to us and pushing us apart when it was the exact opposite of what I really wanted."
Your heart begins to race as it so often does when you're faced with Park Sunghoon. You turn your head towards him to find him already looking at you with parted lips. You fight with your might to keep your eyes up as your fingers grasp the bedsheets.
His words nearly echo what he said on the plane about Yunah not being the one he wants.
"What did you really want?" your voice drops to a whisper, reluctant to ask in fear of having to face his answer.
There's a moment when his eyes scan down your face and land somewhere lower, but he's meeting your gaze again quickly as a knowing smile stretches across his lips, "Are you sure you wanna hear it?"
There's a churning in your stomach as you examine his expression. It's so unreadable and unfamiliar to you that something inside you snaps and you jump up, "The food is gonna go cold. And the soju's gonna go warm," you speed walk out of the room and leave behind a chuckling Sunghoon.
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*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
Spending your teen years in America where you just barely became legal to drink meant that you didn't get a chance to build up your alcohol tolerance the same way Korean teens did. While you vehemently do not condone drinking if Taeyeon asks, you still know that in Korea's heavy-drinking culture, teens were able to access alcohol much earlier and easier and drank a lot more than you and your same-aged friends you made in America. At the same time, you didn't go to a physical college to be able to engage in questionable behaviours like underage drinking at parties or with college friends since most of your friends were fellow athletes who had it drilled in them to take care of their bodies. While in Korea, it was practically a rite of passage to sneak in alcohol for special occasions and not so special occasions to the dormitories once the lights went out and the adults went to sleep.
You're a testament of that cultural and social gap as your head lulls heavily in the air, while Sunghoon watches you in half amusement, half concern. You seemed okay for a while, matching his pace with shots as you talked casually and ate the takeout and then suddenly it seemed to hit you all at once and you were slurring and giggling at nothing and dropping your head. Although you protested, he managed to cut off your alcohol and even poured down the remaining liquid down the sink so there was no chance of you getting any further gone.
Sunghoon was definitely buzzed too, to the point that risky decisions seemed appealing to him now, but his concern for you overtook any feeling.
"We should get you to bed now, Y/N-ie," Sunghoon hums as he pats your head flopped on the table, "Let's get up."
"No!" you bang your fist on the table softly, "I don't wanna. I wanna spend time with you!"
Sunghoon's heart leaps out of his chest hearing those words, "We have all day tomorrow and the day after and then we have the whole ride back to Korea. Plus, we practically work together."
You murmur something incoherent into the table and Sunghoon has to urge you to lift your head up.
"I said that we barely see each other at the rink," you mumble again, peering up at him adorably.
Since the season kicked off, your schedules were busier, but it endears Sunghoon to know that you were thinking about him, "I'll make more of an effort to see you more often then. But we should get your drunk ass to bed now."
"I'm not drunk," you hiccup cutely as your face scrunches up and then relaxes as you examine his features, "Has anyone ever told you that your moles are really pretty?"
Sunghoon is struck silent by you so suddenly and he thinks he's forgotten how to breathe when your hands reach up to cup his face. Your expression is so soft yet determined as your fingers ghost over the placement of the marks- over his nose, under his eyes and then the pad of your thumb presses gently into his skin just a few centimetres away from the corner of his lips.
Your touch on him is kickstarting his heart into gear and his heart is beating out of his chest. It's almost like all at once, you've completely undone all his resolve when this whole time, he's been trying to push his feelings away in order to restore and rekindle his previous friendship with you.
But let's face it, Sunghoon doesn't want to be your friend.
Or at least he doesn't want to be just your friend anymore.
"Y/N, what are you doing?" his own hands find their way up to cup your hands, which makes your fingers press deeper into his skin.
"You're so handsome, Hoonie. You grew up so well," your voice is so dreamy that Sunghoon becomes hyper aware that you might not say these things when you're sober. He tries to pull your hands off him, but you just bat away at his grasp, "So, so pretty. Makes me want you all to myself."
Your table is abnormally narrow, or so it feels like. With the way that you're leaning up to him, he only needs to move a little to meet you and maybe press his lips into yours-
Sunghoon shakes away his tipsy thoughts as he forcefully removes himself from your caress and walks around the table to hoist you up, "Let's get you to bed, Y/N. Seriously."
The walk to your room is precarious. Sunghoon feels like he's getting more drunk with every step he takes trying to manoeuvre your unwilling body. You're clinging onto him for life, groaning and complaining about not wanting the night to end, but he tunes you out to prioritise taking care of you. You both got changed into pyjamas after your second shot, foreseeing the night to end a bit tipsy and therefore likely disinhibited from normal tasks. All Sunghoon has to do is peel back the covers and coax you into lying down.
He brushes the hair out of your shining eyes once he gets you to settle on the bed, "I'm gonna get you some water, okay? Stay here."
Your hands clutch at his bicep, not even going all the way around, "Hoonie, I missed you."
He smiles fondly at you, "I missed you too, Y/N. I really did."
When you let your heavy eyelids fall, you also let a smile grace your face. Sunghoon captures this moment in his mind to store in the part of his brain that you've made home in and he decides that no matter what and if it is up to him, he'll never leave your side again.
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*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
"Sunghoon, this is Eric," you gesture between the blonde haired guy beside you and the pink haired one in front of you, "Have you guys met before?"
"In passing when I would give him dirty looks on behalf of you," Eric snorts, "And we've met a few times on the podium, right?"
Sunghoon nods stiffly, "Yeah, a few."
Eric quirks his eyebrow, "Well, anyway, it's good to finally meet the elusive Park Sunghoon. I've heard lots about you, not good things as you imagine."
You reach over to smack Eric's arm with a scalding expression, "Eric, behave."
He lets out a boisterous laugh that has introverted Sunghoon squirming in his seat, "Relax, i'm just playing. Really. I'm glad that you two are on good terms again. Y/N-ie always talked about you and while it was out of anger mostly, I could tell that behind it all, she missed you."
"This is not behaving either," you mutter with a glare at your friend.
Eric was a fellow skater at your club. He joined the year after you came from a different club in the city to work with your coach's mentor. The two of you became fast friends despite him being a couple years older than you and he was one of the friends you were missing since moving back home.
Over the years, you grew more comfortable in confiding in Eric about your friends back home and specifically about Sunghoon after he witnessed a little spat between you a few World's ago.
Sunghoon has always been the shy and quiet type, which is one of the reasons why he struggled so much without you- you were practically his only friend then. Eric, on the other hand, is too extroverted and talkative for his own good. You like to think you're a happy medium in between them both. However, you know that this meeting won't go off without a hitch.
"Y/N-ie, do you know yet if you're gonna come back next season?" Eric takes a sip out of his cocktail. The three of you are sitting on a shaded table on the porch of a brunch spot, basking in the slight warmth of the October sun. It's a stark contrast to what you'll come home to, "We all miss you so much over here."
You feel Sunghoon stiffen up beside you and you cast a quick glance at him. He's trying to play it cool by mixing around the mojito he ordered with the straw.
"I'm not sure yet. It feels like I just got to Korea, to be honest," you skirt around the question to avoid making Sunghoon uncomfortable. In all honesty, it was the truth. You wanted to focus on enjoying your time there without worrying too much about the future. Then again, you had to make sure that your team was ready for you wherever you were going to end up in the world. While Taeyeon was arguably the most important part of the team, there were so many more people behind the scenes that shaped your career.
"We really love having Y/N around," Sunghoon adds on nonchalantly. You can tell that he's trying to avoid voicing out his real opinion in favour of supporting whatever decision you'll come to make.
"So do we," Eric grins, "I miss having my partner in crime around."
Sunghoon resists the urge to roll his eyes out of his head. You were his partner in crime first. Plus, you never even mention Eric much around him. How close were the two of you really?
"The staff are probably so happy that we're separated," you giggle in acknowledgement, "Who are you stealing the Zamboni with now?"
A memory flashes through the forefront of Sunghoon's mind when you first broke into the Zamboni cupboard and stole the keys. You two were practically punished for days when you were caught lapping the rink in circles at the age of 14 and subsequently ruining the work of the driver. Thankfully, you did learn over the years at your new rink how to operate the machine, so stealing it with Eric was mostly just for the thrill.
If emotions could manifest in real life, Sunghoon was green with envy. He would never accuse you of replacing him when the fall out was his fault anyway, but the thought that you did things with Eric that you used to do with him made him feel so sick.
The way that Eric addressed you with soft nicknames and a teasing tone had Sunghoon's stomach churning. He practically sat through the brunch seething in silence, only speaking when you addressed him and asked him a question.
What was even worse was that you hadn't talked about the events of the previous night at all. By the time that Sunghoon returned to your room after fetching your glass of water and trying to calm himself down in the kitchen, you were already fast asleep in dreamland. In the other room, Sunghoon seemingly couldn't sleep a wink until the next thing he knew, he was being shaken awake by you frantically telling him to get up as you were gonna be late to meeting Eric.
So here you all were, nursing your hangovers with even more alcohol and a whole lot of carbs.
Eventually, Eric had to run for his final fitting for his costume that he was debuting at the Grand Prix de France in a few weeks, leaving you and Sunghoon to stroll along the streets lined with brunch spots and themed cafĂŠs.
"How'd you find Eric? I know he's kind of a lot at first..." you chuckled awkwardly, sensing only halfway through the meeting that it was probably not a good idea to have them meet just yet.
"I'm just glad that you had some friends over here," Sunghoon said sincerely.
"It was hard at first, but once Eric came, he dragged many people into our little group of friends," you agree quietly. Sunghoon is walking tensely beside you, fingers clasped behind his back instead of swinging by your side like usual.
"Mhm."
"You're not jealous, are you?" you ask hesitantly, looking straight ahead at the strip in front of you.
"A little," his confession takes you by surprise. You halt your step and catch his arm.
"Eric is flirty but he doesn't actually mean anything by it."
Sunghoon lets out a deep sigh and gestures for the two of you to sit on a nearby bench. It's a weekday morning, so there's not that many people hanging around the streets. People were mainly just walking past with a purpose to reach a certain shop instead of walking casually like the two of you were.
"After last night, I don't know where we stand," Sunghoon gnaws at his lip nervously. As much as he'd love to pretend nothing was changing between the two of you to preserve the good terms you were on, he feels like he can't carry on any longer.
The memories of the previous night come rushing back to you, not having been able to think about it beforehand due to your rush to meet Eric. You fold into yourself in embarrassment and move away from Sunghoon. You're not even internalising the meaning to his words, too preoccupied with cringing internally at your actions- there was a reason why you didn't drink much.
"Y/N," Sunghoon scoots closer to you, "Did you hear what I said?"
You peak at him through your hands covering your face in shame, "Hm?"
Sunghoon laughs softly at you as he moves your hands away from your face gently, "I said I don't know where we stand."
You cock your head at him, "Are you asking me what are we?"
Sunghoon's face heats up, "I'm just as nervous and embarrassed as you are about this, Y/N. Just give me a straight answer."
His candour inspires a bout of bravery in you as you give him a confident smile, "As I said last night, I want you all to myself."
You can practically see the moment a glimmer of hope sparkles in his eyes as he shuffles even closer to you. Your thighs are touching at this point, body twisted towards one another.
"Really? In what way?" he presses on.
You try to look away, intending to evade the conversation and point out something irrelevant, but Sunghoon reaches up to your cheeks and keeps your face straight at him. His expression tells you everything you need to know.
He's been waiting for your answer for practically 6 years.
"In the way that I'm in love with you," you confess.
When you spent countless nights pondering on what exactly your feelings were for Park Sunghoon, you always imagined that telling him would be hard. When you were young teens, confessing to your best friend was something that had you panicked and flustered, not even once entertaining the idea in fear of ruining your friendship over a crush.
But looking up at him now with that pleading and hopeful look on his face had the words falling out of your mouth.
It felt so natural to tell him, the same way that breathing came easy to any human. You used to always tell each other that you loved each other, but telling him you're in love with him? It was as automatic as your heart beating.
"Okay, good," Sunghoon is completely drowning in you, but is trying to keep his composure, "Cause I definitely want you all to myself in the way that I've been in love with you for years and years and I don't intend in sharing."
You chuckle at him, "We're going to have to work on that, I think."
Sunghoon scoffs and suddenly lunges forward on the bench. His nose bumps against yours, "You're mine, Y/N. And I'm yours too."
His breath fans over your lips and you're so desperate to push your face forward and connect your mouths together, but he places a teasing thumb between your lips.
"Sunghoon," you grumble.
"Yes, sweets?"
"Can you just kiss me now?"
A smirk envelops his facade as he moves his thumb out of the way, "My pleasure."
Your lips slot together so naturally that you don't know how you've gone this long without connecting the other piece of the puzzle. You're thankful that the street is deserted as Sunghoon presses his lips on yours gently at first, but then more purposeful and deeper as you reciprocate and move your lips against his.
Kissing Sunghoon feels like fireworks exploding, butterflies in your stomach and the comforting feeling of home all at once. One hand is caressing his cheeks, moving over the mole just under his eye on top of his cheek bone and the other is running through his hair. Sunghoon's hands are clasping your cheeks like he's afraid you're going to run or disappear as he deepens the kiss and slides his tongue into your mouth.
You whimper into his hold and let him take the lead. Everything has been leading up to this moment. You knew that time when you took him to a cafĂŠ to talk that this was going to be inevitable. Your heart was always going to be pulled to Sunghoon's and there was no use fighting it.
The famous saying that there's a very fine line between love and hate was all too true. The changes in your relationship over the years were always just sides on the same coin. At the end of the day, you completed each other.
"I love you, Y/N. You don't know how long I've been wanting to tell you that," Sunghoon mutters against your lips.
"Likewise, Hoonie," you press a soft and fleeting kiss on his swollen lips before you pull away properly, "But we should go somewhere more private."
Sunghoon coughs in surprise and begins to splutter, "O-oh? Damn, take me out on a date first!"
You rise to your feet and give him a disgusted expression, "Shit, Hoon. Not like that! Urgh, I'm taking it back."
Sunghoon chases after you in glee as you stomp away, "Wait, Y/N! Come back! You still haven't answered- what are we?"
"Back to enemies," you turn your upper body to glare at him, flipping him off with your middle fingers, "Boyfriend privileges revoked before they even started!"
You're practically sprinting away from him at this point and Sunghoon has never been happier running after someone as he feels his heart leaping out from his chest, "Boyfriend? Y/N, come back!"
"No!"
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*°ââ.ŕłŕż*:シ*â ââ
You watch from the stands as Sunghoon finishes up another run through of his free program after a small tweak to one of his elements. As he hits the final pose, you explode into claps and cheers.
"That was so clean," you praise beside Junho who was nodding approvingly.
Sunghoon skates over to the gate and sighs contently. Junho claps him on the back, "You're all done for the day, then. Good job, Sunghoon."
"Thanks, hyung," Sunghoon grins, "Is there anyone using the rink after me?"
"Hm, I don't think so? Usually it'd be Heeseung but they're not back yet from Canada," Junho ponders the question, "Are you gonna keep practising? Don't overwork yourself."
"No, I just thought I'd drag Y/N onto the ice today," he looks over at you, your expression turning into surprise, "You have your blades on you?"
Junho bids the two of you goodbye, reminding Sunghoon that he had some schedule tomorrow with a sponsor. You eye Sunghoon nervously, "Why do you wanna skate together?"
He shrugs nonchalantly, "It's been a while since we've properly shared the ice. I thought it'd be fun."
You leave him skating laps around the oval as you fetch your shoes from the locker room. Since you arrived in Seoul all those months ago, you've barely been skating- maybe twice a week when helping some of the younger girls you've been coaching. You're definitely out of practice, but you figure that you still have a little time left before you had to start getting used to skating all day, every day again ahead of the new season.
The shoes are a second skin to you and it will never feel foreign slipping them on no matter how long it's been. Your first steps on the ice are still confident - you haven't lost touch at all.
"Do you think we could have been a good pairs team?" you ask Sunghoon in amusement as he reached out a hand to you skating towards him. You crash into his body with a big 'oof!' as he envelops you into a warm hug. Thankfully, you're pretty appropriately dressed for the ice today.
"We probably could've been the best," Sunghoon nods along, "We trusted each other so much."
His past tense has your face falling in a frown that he quickly catches, "And I still trust you with my life. I'm working to make sure you will trust me again too."
Sunghoon's voice is soft as he releases you, but slides his fingers in between yours. He starts pulling you along side him slowly, just gliding beside each other.
"I love you, Sunghoon," you tell him suddenly, feeling so overjoyed at being by his side again on the ice at the second rink you called home together, "Thank you for trying with me again."
"No, thank you for letting me come back into your life," Sunghoon bounces back, sending you into a spin and then capturing your grip again, "Being with you makes me want to be better every day for you."
You feel so warm inside despite the temperature of the indoor arena as you move together in tandem. If you close your eyes, you can picture your 15 year old selves holding hands and leisurely skating around like couples at pop-up Christmas-time ice skating rinks. Instead, you were just two kids with the weight of the figure skating world's expectations on you, holding onto each other for support.Â
"I don't think I want to leave at the end of this season," you admit quietly to him, "Everyone I love is here and I don't have any reasons to go back. I'll do my best to convince my federation and team, but I'm sure Taeyeon will find a rink for me in Seoul or lobby to have me here if there's space."
Sunghoon squeezes your hands assuringly, "Whatever decision that you make, I'll support you. If you're not allowed or it will take another season to sort everything, don't stress or worry about it. I'll be by your side."
You give him an appreciative look and nuzzle your head into his neck. Sunghoon twists to drop a searing kiss on your temple.
Time passes quickly as the two of you skate- at one point, you were playing a game of tag chasing each other all around the rink and pulling out your best tricks. Sunghoon was then curious on trying to pull off some pairs skating stunts, which you indulged for a bit like that couple's yoga challenge, but quickly had to shut down when he was getting too ambitious. Maybe you'll ask Taeyeon and Kibum to show you guys a few tricks one day.
As you were also done for the day, Sunghoon convinces you to come over to his apartment to watch a movie and have some dinner. Heeseung and Chaehyun were coming back later in the evening from Canada, so he proposed that you would tell your two best friends then the new update in your relationship. It's been a week since you got back from the states, but you had just missed your other best friends going to their own competition and they were far too preoccupied to talk.
"If you're gonna stay in Seoul, do you think you'll want to move out?" Sunghoon asks you as he prepares the food on the stove. Apparently, Sunghoon has been attempting to learn how to cook, but you'll be the judge of that since he used to be wary of going near the kitchen after a tragic ramen fire.
You're sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar, watching him work from the side. You volunteered to help, but Sunghoon was determined to cook for you himself, "Maybe Chae and I could move in together if her lease is up soon. We've always talked about doing that one day."
Your childhood home wasn't horrifically far, but anything closer to the rink and to your friends would always be more convenient. You've enjoyed spending time with your family again after all that lost time, but you think that it wouldn't hurt to move out again if you were going to stay in the city. It was just something you had to discuss with Taeyeon once you thought about it some more.
"Mhm, you two could move into a 2 bed in the building if there's one available," Sunghoon agrees, "Or maybe the 4 of us could get a house somewhere or something."
You raise an eyebrow at him, "Woah, take me out on a date first!"
Sunghoon groans at your teasing tone as he stirs the stew on the pot, "Speaking of, will you let me finally take you out this weekend?"
After you got back from the States, the two of you had been swarmed with work and haven't been able to fully explore the relationship that blossomed between you while you were away. You saw each other daily at Taereung, but you hadn't had time to go out together on an official date.
"Looking forward to it, Park," you chirp, "Is it gonna be a surprise?"
He nods knowingly and turns around to bring the pot of kimchi-jjigae over to the pot holder in front of you. The smell is inviting, warm and comforting, perfect for a chilly evening as it was outside. It smells like home and watching Sunghoon buzz around the kitchen collecting the cutlery and bowls feels all the more domestic. You could definitely get used to this.
"I really hope it tastes good," Sunghoon exhales as he takes the bar stool beside you and scoops out a portion of soup and rice for you, "Eat up, my Y/N."
You take the first scoop tentatively, still a bit unsure of how good his cooking will actually be, but when the flavours melt in your mouth and tingle your tastebuds, you squeeze your eyes shut in glee, "Urgh, Hoon, it's good. I'm surprised."
Sunghoon claps joyfully and begins to portion out his food too, "I can't wait for you to see all the tricks I have up my sleeve. I've had to learn a few things about life."
You watch him eat fondly, thinking about how exciting it is to learn about each other again and how you grew as people in the time apart. Knowing everything about a person isn't as exciting as the adventure of slowly discovering new things about each other that makes the person who they are now. The fall out isn't something you'd ever wish for again, but it's time to consider the positives instead of dwelling in sorrow.
"Do you want to stay over tonight?" Sunghoon presents casually as he slurps some broth.
His question has you choking on a piece of kimchi. Sunghoon simply laughs at you and pats your back almost teasingly. When you were in America, you maintained your boundaries in separate rooms as you didn't want to rush into anything, but you must've told Sunghoon that you had a late start the following morning and so did he.
You used to hold sleepovers as kids all the time until you hit puberty and your parents had to pull back on that. When you were in the dorms, you were spending so much time with each other anyway that it didn't feel necessary to have sleep overs. Why cram in one room when Sunghoon could just sneak back a few minutes to his own bed whenever you finished what you were doing?
"Nevermind," Sunghoon giggles melodiously as you eye him.
"No, no- I do. It's just that I've never stayed around a guy's place before," you're likely blushing as Sunghoon squeezes your cheeks.
"You're so cute, Y/N-ah," he coos at you, "But this is the kind of stuff we do while dating, right?"
"Us dating still seems so foreign," you wrinkle your face tight, "It makes me happy, but it's so strange."
Thankfully, Sunghoon doesn't take offence, "I know what you mean; it's definitely going to be a transition, but it's all I ever wanted so we're just gonna have to fight the awkwardness. We can start by overcoming cuddling tonight."
The way he phrases his words has you chortling along with him and he just rolls his eyes and urges you to eat up so you could get ready for the evening ahead. Once you finished your bowl, packed up the leftovers in the fridge for Heeseung and washed the dishes while he dried, Sunghoon was rummaging through his room to find spares of everything to lend you since you were unprepared.
He had better skincare than you, so that wasn't a problem and his scents in his toiletries weren't so musky and masculine that it hurt your nose when you used them in the shower. Sunghoon was glad to remember that he bought his toothbrush in a pack previously, so you brushed your teeth together bumping hips and competing with each other to see who would spit first. He picked out a baggy shirt for you and some joggers that had a drawstring so you could be comfortable.
Eventually, you found yourselves with your legs tangled together on the couch after he dragged his duvet out to the living room. They had one of those modular couches that was L-shaped in the day, but could be moved around to create a sort-of bed situation that was perfect for movie nights. He had put on the latest Spider-Man film, remembering how you used to watch Andrew Garfield's franchise back when you were younger and you used to think he was so cute.
"Do you still think he's the best Spider-Man?" Sunghoon hums as he appears on the screen in what was once one of the exciting appearances in cinema.
"Yeah, but Tom Holland has played his version in so many movies now and he's really good," you reply after some thought, turning to find him incredibly close to your face, "Woah."
Sunghoon's arms were wrapped around your middle, but he pulled you closer to snuggle tighter, "You're so cold, baby."
You hide your face into his chest and muffle your voice against his shirt, "You're making me shy."
His body begins to vibrate as he breaks out in fits of giggles, "Trust me, I feel shy around you too. You honestly make my heart do crazy things without even trying."
You pound your fist against him, "Hoon, stop!"
"What?" he whines defensively, moving his hand up to your chin to guide you out of hiding, "Look at me."
Your cheeks are permanently red around your best friend as he gazes down at you with all the fondness in the world in his eyes, "Stop it or I'll leave!"
Sunghoon rolls his gleaming eyes playfully and nudges his nose against yours- something you quickly learned he loved to do before kissing you, "Nah, you love me too much to leave."
Instead of answering him, you just connect your lips together again, letting his natural warmth spread to your cold body. His arms tighten around you, pressing you up against him as he pressed rougher. He tasted like the sharp mint from your toothpaste, combined with his cherry lip balm that he had applied after, but there was also his own very distinct taste that you were growing more addicted to.
You feel him smile into the kiss before he squeezes at your waist and moves so that he was more hovering over you instead of beside you. Your heartbeat was thudding rapidly in your chest as he pulled away but then immediately attached his lips onto your neck in a spot that had you breathing out his name like it was sacred.
You must have been so preoccupied in Sunghoon that both of you missed the beeping of the keypad and the sound of the handle turning.
"Oh shit," Heeseung gasps as the front door swings open to give him a perfect view of the two of you.
You and Sunghoon let out a yelp that was more surprised from you but frustrated from him. He shoots the fellow skater a menacing glare, "Do you know how to knock?"
Heeseung scoffs at the two of you, "Well, yes. Except that you're in the living room and this is also my apartment. So happy you guys made up but can you keep making out in your room, please?"
At this point, you've shuffled so far away from Sunghoon and are hiding your face in the comforter in embarrassment. You wanted to tell them you were together, but that didn't mean you wanted Heeseung to catch you two.
"Who's making out?" you hear a familiar voice fade in behind Heeseung, "You left your passport with me, Heeseung-"
Chaehyun stops in her tracks when her eyes land on you on the couch, looking all bashful with Sunghoon emitting an annoyed aura. She presses Heeseung's passport into his chest without breaking eye contact with you as she approaches you menacingly.
"Y/N, Sunghoon. Do you have something to tell us?"
"Yes, but Hee walked in before we could get a warning that you were back," you sheepishly say.
"I actually texted the groupchat when we pulled up to the parking garage," Heeseung interjects, but Sunghoon just flips him off.
"This-" she points between you and Sunghoon, "Must have happened in America, right?"
"Yeah, we just wanted to wait until you two got back," Sunghoon shrugs, "Speaking of which, congrats on bringing home two golds guys."
Your eyes widen in remembrance as you leap up to crush your best friend in a hug, "Oh my God, yeah! I'm so happy for you Chae. And you, Hee."
Chaehyun rubs your back and nuzzles herself into you, "I guess there's much to celebrate tonight. Do you guys wanna drink? I'm really happy for the two of you as well."
You pull back from Chaehyun and direct your sparkling eyes over to your boyfriend, "Yeah, me too."
Your eyes dart over to Heeseung as well, who was on a sudden mission to find any and all alcoholic beverages he had in the apartment. Sunghoon springs up from his position, already scolding his elder for the mess he was making in the cupboards trying to investigate. Chaehyun is beaming at you and you feel the sincerity in her expression. Having seen you at the lowest points in your life, it's a happy departure to where you are now.
She can feel you start to get emotional and reminiscent, so Chaehyun simply pulls you back into a warm embrace. The happiness you feel is so new, just like your relationship with Sunghoon, but you would never trade it for the whole world.
The road to this moment was rocky and it felt never-ending at times. There were so many moments you felt so lost on your place in the world, but as Sunghoon returns to you and pulls you into his body, your heartbeats syncing together slowly, you feel that your way back home was worth it.Â
a/n: thank you millions for reading. find my masterlist here & all likes, comments, reblogs and feedback are so, so appreciated <3
#sunghoon#enhypen#park sunghoon#sunghoon au#sunghoon fluff#sunghoon fic#sunghoon fanfic#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon imagines#sunghoon imagine#enhypen au#enhypen x reader#enhypen fluff#enhypen angst#enhypen fic recs#enhypen fic rec#sunghoon fic rec#enhypen imagine#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen one shot#sunghoon one shot#figure skating au#figure skating fic#kpop au#kpop imagine#kpop fic recs#kpop fic#kpop x reader#sunghoon enhypen
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⥠cw: BACKSHOTSSSSS!!! (daddy) chris is very degrade-y, he squishes the reader's face in his big sexy hand, 2 lil cheek slaps, dumbification, crying, drooling, no gendered pronouns but he calls the reader his good girl and i know all of you desire to be chris's good girl... freaks! /j oh yeah and he says slut once sorry!
⥠a/n: reposting this one first because its a personal fav <3. as always, mdni, and thank you for reading! any & all feedback is welcome. :*
husband!chris, ever so soft, attentive, and doting.
when describing him outside of an intimate setting the only thing you can ever talk about with your girls is how pure and consuming his love is for you. it's a relationship akin to one that feels like sunbathing in a beautiful, massive garden and being hand-fed grapes. but when he's got you in a position so vulnerable, like now, with your wrists clasped together behind your back in his hold, and he's so deep in your guts you feel like you're going to die in his arms, his hot and heavy cock abusing that sweet spot in your messy cunt with no restraint â gentleness is far from his demeanor.
you've been at it for hours. so much so your knees have indented it's place in the mattress, and his brutal pace is making it no better. you're sure you've got carpet burn at this point. your weak sobbing and incoherent wails begin sounding winded, and you struggle to gather air into your chest but he knocks the breath right out of your lungs almost immediately after every gasp you take. âfucking slut.â he sneers. he's in his zone. a usually hidden place chris only goes on special occasions you're in bed with him.
then he utters something. it's so muffled you can only feel the vibration of what he says and you barely make out any syllables.
â â be the good girl you know you are and moan my name.â you miss the first half of his sentence again, completely zoned out and held prisoner to his thick cock in your cunt. struggling to speak, stammering over weak little whimpers, you manage to get out a small âch â chris â,â but that's not what he's looking for you to call him.
he grips your cheeks in his palm, squishing them together and suddenly he's tilting your head back to force you to make eye contact. well, if you could even call it that; you can hardly see him through your blurry wet eyes. his thrusts slow and he's pressing all the way inside with a harsh jerk of his hips, balls pressed tightly against your throbbing clit, and you cant help but whine again, body trembling like a leaf. his gaze is pointed and you feel pinned to him, chrisâs expression mimicking a scowl he's so focused on getting a response from you. âyâfucking stupid? that's not my name.â
your head is swimming, drool slipping down your chin and you babble wordlessly like some brain-dead toy, hips gyrating pathetically as you're trying your damnedest to get him to just move again.
âstop fucking squirming and listen.â he hisses, using that same palm that's currently holding your face in place, and tapping your cheek twice. enough to get you to focus, but not enough to hurt. he gives you a second sharp thrust as punishment, grip returning to your face. his hold on your cheeks are so tight, it's puckering your cute little lips. âi won't ask you again.â
âd-daddy!â you squeal, and a cocky grin takes it's place on his flushed face, his hips picking up speed.
atta-girl.
#đ mimiwriting!#stray kids smut#skz smut#bang chan smut#bangchan smut#bang chan x reader#bangchan x reader
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Corrupted!Jayce + Reunion Sex
Pairing: Jayce Talis x Fem!Reader
Tags: nsfw, smut, breeding kink, reunited and it feels so good, hair-pulling (for Jayce), size difference, cunnilingus, injured!Jayce, feral!Jayce
Ko-Fi | Rules | Fandoms and Characters
A/N: This is all your fault @multi-fandom-imagine, I love you.
He collapsed against you the moment you hugged him, his hands clinging to your clothes, his body failing him but he kept pushing himself to get home to you
Even though his lips are cracked and shaking he still kisses you with everything he's got
With a groan he carries you to the bed, your smaller body bouncing off the bed before he stills you with strong hands
There's no time to tell you where he's been, he knows he doesn't have much time to spare as is so he will make the most if it
Something is different about him, he seems different from the Jayce you knew, he was the same yet not
Not even the way he touched you was the same
It was very rushed, desperate, needy, full of lust as his hands pealed off your clothes, his hands mapping your body like he hadn't had you for years
"I can't explain. There's no time. But... I need you... I need you right now and I... I feel like I'm losing my mind. But you're here, you're real, I can feel you. I need to feel all of you, babe."
Jayce almost starts crying when he sees you naked
His cock was hard before that even happened
Before he didn't have the time or energy to pleasure himself, it was the farthest thing from his mind, all he thought of was how to survive, how to get back
Now all he wants is to feel your pussy around his cock again
He almost starts drooling when he sees how wet you are
As his hands cup your ass cheeks he raises your pussy to his mouth, kissing, lapping, fast, sloppy movements with his tongue and lips
There is none of that slow build up or teasing you're used to from him
"How can I wait? I've waited for so long. Missed your taste, your moans, your body, your perfect little cunt. So desperate for me to fill it. I know beautiful, I know. I want you too. Just let me have this for a while longer."
As he licks into you your hands go to his hair, pushing the messy locks, noting how much longer his hair is now
His moan travels from your clit up your spine and to your brain
You feel his beard scratching your inner thighs while Jayce tries to get you closer, impossibly closer
Doesn't let you get away from him until he feels your thighs clamp down around his head and fall over his shoulders
He doesn't wipe your pussy juices off his face, he's frantically lining his cock up with your hole and thrusting the full length into you
You moan in unison as he stretches your hole open, you should be used to that feeling by now but it always makes your eyes roll back, the thickness of him so much better than your fingers
Jayce growls and huffs as he grabs your hips and ruts into you, not holding back, the pace almost painful, you can't even understand what he's saying anymore, he's already getting pussydrunk on the feeling of your inner walls squeezing his cock
"That's it, that's my girl, that's the cunt I remember. Feeling so good. Ah, I love you, please know that, no matter what I do, no matter what I've done, I love you! I want... I always wanted a family with you. I couldn't say it before but now I want you to know. Can I... can I come inside of you? Just... want you be mine, want to get you pregnant, want to... I'll do it... fuck a gods damn baby into you!"
Even as he was rambling, his eyes staring into yours, tears all but spilling down his face he still held you close
It was true that you never talked about having a family
But it was clear that what ever he experianced put some things into perspective for Jayce
His hips smacked into yours with raw lust, his balls full and desperate to be emptied, his cock twitching every time your pussy squeezed around it
Jayce hisses as he bends his injured leg to fuck you harder, ramming his cock so deep into your pussy
The flash of pain is quickly followed by pleasure as he finishes, his cock pushed all the way inside of you, his hands leaving marks on your hips as you're filled up with warm seed
He doesn't stop, as he feels your cunt spasming around him and your nails scratching down his back he gets going again, his warm breath coming out fast and ragged
There's nothing in his head except the need, the thought of making sure you're thoroughly breed before he leaves the room
#arcane x reader#jayce x reader#league of legends x reader#arcane imagine#jayce imagine#league of legends imagine#arcane headcanon#jayce headcanons#league of legends headcanons#arcane smut#jayce smut#league of legends smut#arcane x you#jayce x you#league of legends x you#arcane x female reader#jayce x female reader#league of legends x female reader#x female reader
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request: âCan you please write a Toji x (blk)fem reader smut but she like one of those earthy girls with all the waist chains/beads and he like obsessed with her style and all the jewelry she wears. boho/earthy girls donât get enough love.â
i hear you anon and i see you so here you go <333
ᥣđŠŕžŕ˝˛ŕžŕ˝˛â âš cw include: drug usage (weed), oral m receiving, unprotected sex, riding, slight pussyjob, toji likes her sm so a lot of praise, PUSSYDRUNK TOJI!!!, sex outdoors (no one can see them hehe), creampie, an âi like youâ confession bc iâve been watching a lot of rom coms lately///not proofread sorry :(
âitâs a lot of lust not a lot of loveâ
you hummed along to the song as you made out with toji, your tongue swirling against his. your bracelets jangled against your wrist as you tugged on his soft locs, a low groan rumbling in his chest as you did so. âslow down toji, sâno rush,â you mumbled against his lips, teeth biting down the tiniest bit on his bottom lip.
toji tried to distract himself by toying with your waist beads, but it just wasnât working. between the two blunts you both shared, along with a couple sips of wineâcourtesy of you, there was just no way you expected him to be in his right mind enough for him to go slow. âi donât want to go slow though,â he groaned, grabbing a handful of your ass over your skirt.
you kissed your teeth, now pulling away from the pouting man. you pushed him down against the blanket you had crocheted yourself, your hands now resting on his pecs. âyouâre so impatient you know that? need my pussy that bad hm?â you giggled cocking your head to the side. toji gulped, his eyes finding it hard to stay locked on yours. eye contact with you was always so intense.
âyesâŚ.yes i am impatient and yes i need your pussy that bad.â
you smiled at his words, now leaning down to give him a slow kiss. you kissed your way down his jaw, to his neck, and finally down his chest. âdamnâŚ.you got this worked up over a little kissing?â you teased, cupping toji over his jeans, earning a deep groan from him. toji didnât respond, instead he just gave you the finger, too fucked out already to even come up with a proper comeback.
toji hissed when he felt you finally undo the button to his jeans, his leaking dick now free from its confinements. âgo slow mâfeelinâ a little sensitive,â toji grumbled and all you did was laugh, taking his throbbing dick in your hands. you gave the tip a soft squeeze, licking your lips. ânow you wanna go slow? thatâs funny,â you snickered, bringing his dick to your mouth, suckling the tip softly.
you ran your tip along the underside of his dick, fighting the urge to laugh again when you felt toji buck his hips up. toji wanted so badly to just push your head down, but you had just gotten your hair done a few days prior and heâd hate to cause you any discomfort. it was your first time getting passion twists and he was absolutely enamored with the way you looked with them.
âdeeperâplease go deeper y/n,â toji finally lifted his head up, now making eye contact with you but he reallyyyyy wishes he hadnât. the way you were looking at him with those low, red eyes; eyelashes fluttering shut each time you took more of him in your mouth had him wanting to bust right then and there. toji felt his face flush, cheeks burning hot at the way you looked at him like he was the most precious thing to ever grace this earthâwhich in his opinion he wasnât, far from it honestly.
tojiâs eyes rolled back when he felt his dick hit the back of your right throat. âmmph fuck yeahâthatâs that shit,â he groaned, bringing his hand to rest on the crown of your head. he didnât grip it or apply any pressure, he just sat there and let you do what do bestâsuck the soul outta him.
the wind began to pick up, giving tojiâs flaming cheeks a nice breeze to cool off. you made him soâŚsoâŚbeside himself. i mean for god sakes you had him fucking in the middle of a field of flowers, blazed out of his mindâitâs safe to say the grip you had on him was the most annoying shit ever.
âkeep sucking me like that baby, f-fuck, take it deeper. be a good girl and take it deeper fâme,â you listened without protest, taking the last few inches of him in your mouth. toji was beyond fucked out, praises flying past his lips left n right and it only egged you on to turn him into even bigger pile of mush than he already was.
you pulled off of his dick with lewd pop! now paying attention to his swollen balls. tojiâs body jerked, his heavy hand gripping onto your shoulder. âwâhah! w-wait y/n,â toji hissed, his jaw clenching impossibly tight. you lifted your head up, puffing air through your cheeks.
âiâm sorry iââ
âjust shush toji.â
you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand before crawling up tojiâs body, your lower half hovering over his twitching dick. you pushed toji down gently by his shoulders, humming to yourself at just how damn good he looked beneath you.
âyouâre fuckinâ unreal,â toji sounded damn near breathless as he said it, his chest puffing up with each deep breath. his hand reached up to tug down your olive green, cropped tube top; his rough hands immediately latching onto your breasts.
âyou really mean that or you jusâ fucked up?â you knew he meant it with all his heart, you just wanted to hear him say it. you blindly reached for the end of your skirt, tugging the soft material up your thighs. just as you pressed your panty clad pussy against tojiâs dick he whispered the three words âi mean itâ in your ear, his teeth nibbling at your lobe.
the words âi like youâ were sitting so heavy on his tongue but he just couldnât find the courage to tell you how he felt.
tojiâa grown ass thirty four year old man whoâs literally served time in the slammer was scared to tell you, a twenty something year old woman who was the literal embodiment of a fawn how he felt about you. what a joke.
âwhat are you thinking about?â you spoke softly, running your thumb over the stubble on tojiâs jaw. toji shook his head, bringing his rough hands to your petal soft love handles.
âsânothin.â
âliar.â
âi said itâs nothing.â
your breath hitched, mouth dropping open slightly at the feeling of tojiâs dick pressed against your bare pussy. he felt so hot and soft against you and toji could certainly say the same thing about you. with one harsh tug toji ripped your thong off, tossing the semi soaked material to the side. you rlly shouldâve known better with that oneâtoji hates whenever things are in his way.
âyouâre such a liar toji,â your laugh was breathless as you began to slowly grind your pussy against tojiâs dick. he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, his brows furrowing in annoyance but mostly pleasure. he was already so close it was so fucking embarrassing. pre dripped from his throbbing tip and onto his clenching abs, creating an even bigger mess between the two of you.
toji bucked his up, puffing air through his cheeks to silently tell you he was more than ready for you. you gave him a small smile, your tooth gems glistening in the afternoon sun. âcan i confess something toji?â you asked, lifting yourself up to balance your weight on your feet. you grabbed tojiâs dick, swiping his tip between your folds before slowly inserting it.
you both gasped in unison, tojiâs eyes fluttering shut at the warmth that enveloped his cock. âw-what do you need to confess you fuâhucking brat,â he growled, his fingernails digging in the soft flesh of your thighs. in one swift movement you sat all the down, tojiâs balls now pressed snugly against your backside.
âi really, really like hanging out with you toji,â your voice was a little high pitched, rightfully so because you practically feel the trembling man below you in your stomach. you pressed your hands against tojiâs chest, bouncing on his dick like your life depended on it.
you brushed a stray hair out of tojiâs face, cradling his jaw in your palm that still smelled of the shea butter you applied before your outing. âyou like hanging out with me too toji? you like me?â your tone was coming off a tad desperate but you couldâve cared less. tojiâs adamâs apple bobbed, a pathetic whine bubbling in his throat.
âyes.â
âyes what?â
toji wrapped his arms around your waist, his feet planting into the ground before fucking up into you. âyes i fucking l-like you y/n, could you notâshit! fucking tell? jesus christ your pussy is so good,â toji couldnât help the drool that slipped past his lips, it was impossible to keep his mouth shut at this point. your hands found themselves in tojiâs hair, tugging roughly at the soft strands.
âi knew you did i just wanted to hear you say it. i like you too toji.â
i like you too toji.
toji halted his movements, his dick now in you to the hilt. you suddenly felt a warm sensation in your lower half and knew immediately that toji was in the process of cumming. you circled your hips as best as you could, milking him for all he was worth.
âhah f-fucking shit i canât stop fucking cumminggg,â he groaned, burying his face in your sweet smelling neck; the scent of vanilla and caramel had him feeling more dizzy than he already was.
after giving toji a few minutes to catch his breath you sat up, his dick still sheathed inside of you. âlook how messy,â you spread your lips, giving toji a mouthwatering view of your overly stuffed pussy. toji licked his lips, reaching over to down the rest of the wine that was in your abandoned glass.
âlemme clean you up.â
#this was very fun to write hehe#toji fushiguro smut#toji smut#toji x black reader#toji x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro x black reader#jjk toji#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x black reader#jjk x black reader
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sevika lowkey wants to wife you up (nsfw, strap (r! receiving), biting, also really sweet, mama being mama đ¤ˇđžââď¸)
sevikaâs been coming to the brothel just to see you for the last six months, coming to see you like every 3 days and you two spend an amazing time together. itâs not always sex either; it started off that way but you guys really connected.
sevikaâs been wanting to ask you to quit your job and let her take care of you but she hasnât asked yet. youâve been talking about quitting your job because your hearts just not in it anymore and its effecting your mood.
when sevika finally comes visit you after almost a whole week of not seeing you, sheâs ready to finally ask you.
she waits patiently for you to come into the room that you two frequent the most, she watches as you face lights up at seeing her she stands as you approach her with a grin and your arms open, âsev!â you jump into her arms and she holds you tight. âhey princess,â she places you down on the bed, kneeling inbetween your legs as you look down at her with a softer smile.
âwhy havenât you come see me?â you ask quietly, running your fingers through her hair. âi was busy,â she says plucking your shoes off your feet. âya missed me?â she smirks up at you leaning closer to your face.
âi thought you werenât coming backâŚâ you gaze into her eyes then at her lips. sevika doesnât respond right away, she sees how much you believed that and she just canât have that. she leans in to kiss you, pushing you to lay down. she straddles your waist pulling her cape off while your hands cup her face. you moan feeling the weight of her on you, she pulls away from you. âletâs take this off baby,â she pulls at your flimsy dress and you sit up so she can pull it over your head.
still straddling your now naked body, she kisses down your neck biting at your collarbone. you suck in a breath at the pain. she continues kissing and biting you up, leaving marks while she situates herself between your legs. clients arenât allowed to mark up the girls but sevika has no intention of letting you stay here after tonight.
she kisses your lips again biting your lip as she grinds into you. you let out a sigh at the strap in her pants thatâs rubbing against you. âsev, donât tease, take it out,â your hand trails inbetween your bodies trying to reach into her pants. sevika kneels over you, âso impatient,â she responds pulling her top and sticky pants off. you bite your lip, gazing up at her large, naked form. you sit up to press fevered kisses inbetween her breast.
she grabs your chin pulling you away from her hot skin, âon your knees.â you giggle, immediately turning on your knees and arching your ass in the air. sevikaâs hands are placed on your ass but you shudder at the cold metal that shes been avoiding touching you with. she parts your lower lips smirking at the sticky mess thatâs dripping down your thighs. she presses the tip to your entrance running it up and down your slit, making you push your hips back with a whimper before finally pushing into you.
your mouth falls open she starts a slow but deep pace. you let out gasps and moans as you feel sevika going deeper with every thrust and it only intensifies when she speeds up, âoh-ohmygosh sevvy,â you canât handle all the wet sounds of your cunt swallowing up her strap, you reach your hand around to grab on to the hand thatâs holding your waist and her cold one trails down your back, making you arch more before she grabs your hair pulling it as her hips snap against yours.
âhow does it feel?â she bends to whisper in your ear. your brain is mush as moan out with drool dripping down your chin, you try to nod your head but sevikaâs holding your head still with her grip. sheâs stopped moving her hips with the strap sitting snug in your pulsing cunt. âwords, baby.â
âyes yess, i-i love it mama,â you let out before sevika presses a kiss to your temple. âya wanna quit ya job baby?â you turn ya head to look at her now that sheâs back to kneeling, you nod your head with tears of pleasure forming in your eyes. âya want mama to take care of you?â she pouts at you as she pushes you on to your side, she puts your leg over her shoulder holding herself up over your face.
âhm? want me to get your out of here?â âplease,â you kiss her lips again as she opens her mouth, sticking her tongue in your mouth letting you run yours over hers. your body starts to tremble and you throw your head back whimpering out sevikaâs name. sekiva bites you chin and kisses down you neck as she trails her hand between your bodies and rubbing circles against your clit. âsuch a good girl, imma take the best care of you baby. i promise.â she pants out as your hands grip on to her biceps. you cum and let out obscene moans that only sevika could ever make you make.
#i never know how to end these#wlw#lesbian#sevika arcane#sevika#arcane#sevika x reader#sevika smut#arcane x reader#sevika x female reader#toni's piece彥
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nobody knows - rafe cameron
summary: a secret relationship between the kook king the sweet innocent kook & bathroom sex
warnings: 18+, cursing, reader being jealous, alcohol, SMUT, slight choking, semi public sex, pinv
an: hiiii hope yâall enjoy <3 this is a lil shorter than my usual stuff. I need drew starkey bad !! Might turn this into itâs own lil universe
-
This party was going to kill you. The scene in front of you calling for you to do something irrational. It was almost as if he wanted you to accidentally spill wine on Lindseyâs head.
The way her hand constantly found a place on his bicep has you gripping your glass a little tighter. The friendly smile on Rafeâs lips not helping ease your jealousy. Neither was the way he kept leaning down so he could hear her better, as if they were at a rave. It was a fairly small party for crying out loud there was no need for that.
If you had super powers the entire back yard would be lit up in flames with the way you were glaring at the pair. Of course he also wore that shirt you loved on him. The one you had mentioned on multiple occasions that it was your favorite.
You wished you could go over there and yank him down by the collar and smush your lips against his. Let everyone know that itâs your name heâs moaning at night and his lips and body that have your coming undone almost every night.
You wished everyone knew exactly what was going on between them. Then you wouldnât have to disguise your jealousy as a head ache. You knew it was because of you that the two of you snuck around but youâre starting to want things to change. You couldnât stand the sight of your man giving another woman attention.
âGarrett is such a dick I canât believe I didnât dump him sooner,â Her friend Nessa mumbled.
She hummed and nodded in agreement while finishing off the last of her wine. Not really paying attention to what her friend was saying.
âYouâve been quiet today. More than usual, all good?â Your friend Nessa asked.
You nodded, âYeah just have a head ache again.â
âThen lets get you another glass, being drunk will help with that,â Nessa grabbed your hand. She led you back over to the small cocktail bar that was set up which was right past Rafe and Lindsey.
As the pair of you passed them you pretended not to see Rafe. Obviously Rafeâs eyes followed you, not really paying attention to whatever the girl in front of him had been yapping about.
He was trying this new thing where he wasnât going to be an asshole to people. Unless they deserved it obviously, but it was really fucking hard when all he wanted to do was talk to you. The old him would have just ditched her mid sentence but thatâs not who he wanted to be.
He watched as you poured yourself some more wine, your friend going on about something as you nodded along. His pretty girl always being the best listener.
After a minute you said something to your friend before walking into the house. After a few seconds Rafe said something about going to the bathroom and left the babbling blonde behind. He didnât care he wanted to find you.
When he stepped inside he saw your half empty wine glass on the kitchen counter. He walked down the hall to the guest bathroom and knocked.
âIâll be out in a minute Ness!â You shouted from behind the door.
âItâs Rafe,â he said.
The locked clicked and the door opened to reveal your pretty frame. You had chosen to wear that dress he loves in the color he loves on you. He wasnât the only one who chose what theyâre wearing for a specific reason. You poked your head out and looked both ways before tugging him inside by the collar of his shirt. He chuckled at your antics
âDonât you think it looks more suspicious if weâre in here together?â He smirked with a raised brow. In all honesty he didnât really give a fuck if people saw you two together but he knows you arenât ready.
You rolled your eyes, âItâs not like you were flirting it up out there with Lindsey.â
His smirk widened at the realization that you were jealous. He liked how around everyone you were always sweet and polite, sometimes even a little timid. But with him it was a different story. He loved the way you talked back to him and rolled your eyes at him. He loved the dirty things that sweet innocent mouth said to him when he was relentlessly fucking you.
âYou jealous baby?â He stepped forward so the small of your back hit the counter.
Your scowl deepened as you crossed your arms, âNo.â
He reach up stroked your cheek gently. His eyes going down to your lips, âYou being a tough girl now. Come on baby you know she doesnât have anything on you.â
Your scowl softened, âWell it doesnât matter because itâs not like she knows that.â
Rafe leaned forward and kissed your cheek then your jaw and continued his way down to your pulse point, âIâll let her know, we can let everyone know princess. I can fuck you right here right now.â
You gasped at his words and at the scrape of his teeth on the sensitive skin of your neck, âRafe,â you practically moaned.
âDoesnât sound like youâre too opposed to that,â His finger slipped under your dresses strap and pulled it down. His lips kissing the newly exposed skin as he went down to your chest, âMake you scream my name as I bend you over.â
You wanted to talk back to him but you couldnât as your eyes fluttered shut. His hands had moved down your waist and to your thighs. Slowly dragging his fingertips up them until he plucked at your stringy underwear letting it snap back against your skin. He made you such an incoherent mess and you loved it.
With everything in you you mustered back a reply, âYou sure you want Lindsey to hear.â
He chuckled against the top of your breasts that were exposed. His fingers now pressing against your wet clothed cunt.
âIt seems like you want her to hear baby,â He pressed his fingers against your clit and rubbed soft circles, âlook at how wet you are huh. My dirty girl.â
A whimper escaped your lips at the sensation. His fingers slipped under your tiny panties and he slid them through your sopping cunt and groaned against your neck, âGod I love how you feel.â
You tugged his face up to meet your desperate eyes as you pulled him in for a kiss. You both moaned at the feeling. You loved when Rafe fucked you but you loved kissing him even more. His fingers picked up the pace a little against your throbbing clit. You could feel your wetness dripping down your legs.
âPlease let me fuck you right here baby,â He mumbled against your lips, âIâll do it so good. Iâll make you cum all over my cock.â
That whole being more nice thing Rafe was working on never applied to you. You were probably the only person on the island who had ever heard the kook king say please and thank you. Sometimes he even practically begged to fuck you or eat you out. You lived for it. It made your skin tingle and your tummy flutter.
You nodded your head, âYes Rafey.â
He pulled his fingers away from you and practically shoved them into your mouth. You loved it though, tasting yourself on his long thick fingers. Your tongue licking them clean. He bit his lip and groaned with hooded eyes. Rafe was utterly obsessed with you.
He pulled his fingers out with a pop and leaned in capturing your mouth in his in another searing kiss. It was sloppy and made your head spin. He pulled away spinning you around. Your hands landed on the counter to steady yourself as he hiked your dress up to your waist.
Rafe gave your ass a firm squeeze and took a few seconds to admire you on this position. He loved that he could still see your pretty face in the mirror, he could see just how fucked you were for him. Your swollen lips, hooded eyes, and messy hair all because of him. It made his heart beat faster and his ego grow. He loves that no one else has known you in this way until he came around.
You watched as he began to undo his pants and pull his thick cock out. You whimpered at the sight of him stroking himself a few times. Grabbing the tiny string of your panties he pulled it to the side before lining himself up with you.
âYouâre a fucking dream,â He groaned as he slipped his tip in. The warm wetness of your pussy making him throw his head back. Slowly he slotted himself in you. The feeling of you clenching around him already getting him so close.
âFuck youâre coming home with me,â He groaned as he began moving in and out.
You nodded with hazy lust filled eyes. Youâd do anything he asked of you. The feeling of him stretching you out was out of this world. You didnât understand how he was always able to hit that spot that had your back arching and mouth forming into an o.
He fucked you as quietly as he could. Rafe didnât give a fuck if people heard but he knew you did. Itâs not like you were embarrassed of Rafe and he knew that. It would just make things complicated if people knew. Thereâd be constant prying and knit picking at everything you two did and how you acted.
âOh Rafe,â you mumbled standing up so your back was against his chest. He groaned and wrapped one of his hands around your throat. Your head fell back against his shoulder.
Rafeâs other hand found itâs way to your chest. He pinched one of your nipples and squeezed your breast. He did the same thing to the other one before sliding down your stomach and to your clit. He rubbed circles as he continued to thrust into you.
He moved the hand that was around your throat to hold your jaw. Tugging your head down to look in the mirror.
âYou see that baby, He nodded towards your reflection, âsee how good you look when Iâm inside you. My girl takes me so damn well.â
âI-I mmmph oh Rafe,â you mumbled incoherently but he knew what you were trying to say. He could tell you were close by the way you tightened around him and the way you dripping down him.
âI know,â He groaned, âIâm there too.â A loud moan began escaping you but rafe moved his hand up quickly to cover your mouth.
âShit look at you, no one will ever compare. Fuck Iâm all yours,â He grunted.
Your moans were muffled by his big hand as you came. He wasnât farm behind as he buried his face in your neck as he came inside you.
âWell weâve never done that before,â you giggled.
He huffed a laugh, âIâm pretty sure weâve done that plenty of times before.â
You shook your head, âWeâve never done it in a bathroom at a party.â
He smirked as he pulled out of you and adjusting your clothes for you. He gave your ass a gentle slap, âI should make you jealous more often.â
You rolled your eyes and turned around to face him, âSo what if I was jealous.â
He kissed you, âYou have nothing to be jealous of. Iâm yours.â
You smiled softly as your heart swelled, âRafe maybe we should tell people.â
His eyes widened slightly, âReally?â
You couldnât help but laugh at his excitement, âmhmm I want to go on dates here in town. I want to be the one who has your attention all night and when I get too drunk you drive me home.â
He smiled, âSounds perfect.â
After fixing yourselves to look presentable again you opened the door and led Rafe out not really thinking. But before you could even step through the doorway you were face to face with Lindsey who had a scowl on her face.
âFinally,â she rolled her eyes but then she saw the person standing behind you, âoh thatâs where you disappeared to?â that scowl never leaving her.
Rafe nodded with a smirk, âMy girl needed me.â
You blushed as you stepped past her with Rafeâs hand in yours with smiles plastered on both your faces.
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron fic
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OHello, I hope you are well, I was looking at your blog and I loved your writing style <3
Can I ask for a scenario with Arcane characters where the reader is Isekai? Like he knows everything that will happen in the series and is actively avoiding the events that will cause serious problems
Thank you in advance
A/n: Hello :) Thank you so much !! Ooh this is something I've never really done before. I've tried my best and I hope it suits what you had in mind <3
Vi, Jinx, Caitlyn, Ekko, Jayce, Viktor, Mel
Masterlist
Vi
When you first arrive in Piltover, Vi notices how youâre more guarded, more careful than sheâs ever seen you. At first, she doesnât understand why, but when you slip up and mention something that hasnât happened yet, she starts to get suspicious.
You're always trying to avoid certain people, certain places. The dangerous ones. She picks up on it, and itâs a little unsettling at first, like you know too much about the future. But she doesnât askâyouâve got your own reasons.
She starts to trust you more, though. Maybe you donât tell her everything, but she can tell when youâre genuinely trying to keep her safe. When things get tense, and sheâs about to charge in headfirst (like always), you pull her back. âNot this time,â you say, and she just listens. Youâve seen how these moments turn out, and she trusts you enough not to question it.
Itâs not just about saving her anymore. Youâve got a whole new layer of connection. When sheâs caught off guard, when she needs reassurance, your presence calms her, like youâre already a step ahead of whatâs coming. Youâre the one she turns to when things feel uncertain, because youâre the one whoâs already lived through it.
Jinx
She knows somethingâs off about you, but she doesnât care. At first, the randomness of your actions makes her laughâavoiding certain fights, dodging obvious traps, steering clear of people she knows you donât want to be around.
But then, when things start to get real, and you stop her from making a massive mistake��again, and againâshe starts to feel it. Youâre not just avoiding danger for the fun of it; you're trying to change the course of things. And, honestly, sheâs scared.
Youâre always pulling her away from situations, keeping her out of the chaos before it even begins. She hates it, but she also loves it, because in some twisted way, youâre saving her from herself.
The more time you spend together, the more she realizes she needs you. When the madness swells inside of her, and she canât keep the craziness in check, youâre the one who calms her down. Itâs not like sheâd admit it, but itâs your presence thatâs holding her together in a way no one else can. And, in a strange way, she starts to rely on youânot for fixing things, but for knowing exactly when things canât be fixed, and when itâs okay to pull back.
Caitlyn
Caitlynâs more methodical than the others, but sheâs no stranger to sensing when somethingâs off. Youâve mentioned things before, offhandedlyânothing too direct, but enough to make her question. You know things, things that havenât happened yet.
She watches you closely, your movements, the way you take certain routes, steer clear of certain areas, and try to talk people down from fights before they escalate. Itâs not like she hasnât seen it before, but thereâs something different about you.
When things start going southâlike, really southâshe turns to you. âYouâve seen this before, havenât you?â Itâs not an accusation. Itâs a quiet plea, because even Caitlyn, with all her careful planning, knows that sometimes fate is too big to outsmart.
You never tell her everything, but you donât have to. In those moments of danger, when things feel out of control, she just trusts you. The way you guide her through the mess, calm her down when she wants to rush into something she knows will go wrong... itâs something she never realized she needed.
Ekko
Ekko always feels like heâs on the edge of something. Heâs used to being a step ahead, but when you show up in his lifeâaware of things that havenât happened yetâitâs like someone just dropped a stone in his perfect, planned world.
Youâre always telling him to hold off on certain plans, and at first, he brushes it off. Then, when he sees how much better things turn out when he listensâwhen you steer him away from a fight, or when you help him avoid a trapâit gets harder for him to ignore the fact that you might know more than you let on.
He doesnât say much about it. But thereâs a subtle shift in the way he looks at you. Heâs learning to trust your judgment, even when it goes against his instincts. Because heâs seen it. Youâre keeping him safe. And somewhere deep down, heâs grateful, even if heâll never admit it out loud.
Jayce
Jayce is all about forward momentum. He wants to believe that everything can be fixed, that they can change the world without the same mistakes being repeated. But youâre always holding him back.
Thereâs no questionâyouâve seen it. You know where things go wrong, and youâre actively steering him away from it. The first time you call him out for heading toward a decision thatâs going to end badly, heâs annoyed. He wants to argue. But when you look him in the eye, when you donât back down, it stirs something in him.
As much as he wants to figure things out on his own, he canât deny that youâre saving him from making the same mistakes. And slowly, when things begin to spiral, he starts to trust you. Not just as someone who knows, but as someone who cares. Heâs never been one to lean on someone for help, but when youâre beside him, he finds himself relying on you more and more.
Youâre the one who teaches him to think before actingâslow down, take a breath, and listen.
Viktor
Viktorâs not the type to be surprised easily. But when you start actively steering him away from certain people, situations, and plans, he starts to wonder. Youâve seen things. Things that havenât happened yet.
At first, he tries to brush it off, thinking that maybe youâve just got some uncanny instincts. But when you pull him away from something disastrous, and things go exactly the way you warned him about, he canât pretend anymore.
You donât say much. You donât need to. But he starts to rely on your quiet guidance, the way you understand his hesitation before he even knows whatâs coming. When the future starts to feel inevitable, youâre the one thing in his life that feels like a choice.
He doesnât say it, but heâs grateful for youâmore than he can express. You give him a sense of control over his own fate, something thatâs been slipping through his fingers for so long.
Mel
Mel is the calmest of them all. Sheâs used to thinking ahead, playing the long game, and making careful decisions. But when she meets you, when she sees you quietly avoiding certain situations, people, and places, she starts to wonder if maybe youâve seen things she hasnât.
You never say much about your knowledge, but you never need to. She watches how you act around herâhow you prevent things from spiraling, how you guide her through situations that could have ended terribly.
Sheâs not one to let others have control over her life, but she starts to trust you in ways she didnât expect. She never asks you about the future directly, but when things start to get tense, sheâs always looking at you first. You have a way of calming her, of knowing what to do before it even happens.
And, though sheâd never admit it, she finds herself leaning on you more. Because youâre the only one who makes the future feel like something she can still control.
Requests may be sent through the ask box. Only SFW.
#arcane#arcane x reader#arcane league of legends#arcane lol#vi x reader#vi arcane#vi lol#vi league of legends#jinx x reader#jinx arcane#jinx league of legends#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn x reader#caitlyn x you#ekko x reader#ekko arcane#ekko league of legends#jayce x reader#jayce arcane#jayce league of legends#viktor x reader#viktor arcane#viktor league of legends#mel x reader#mel medarda#mel arcane
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v.s. angel | l.n.
synopsis: in which Lando is there to support you for your first Victoria's Secret runway show
a/n: based on this request!
my masterlist
To say that you were nervous was the understatement of the year.
The ride towards the venue seemed like it was taking forever, the buildings breezing past you at a rapid pace.
Lando was sat beside you in the limo, analyzing you from head to toe.
He knew how much this night meant to you, how hard you had been working ever since he met you to be able to finally walk the runway as an Angel. And now finally, all that hard work was being paid off.
His eyes gravitated towards your bouncing knee and your fidgety fingers, his heart clenching.
âHeyâ he said, his hand coming to rest on your knee, which momentarily made you stop your movements.
You turned your head to look at him and let out a big sigh, relaxing a little into the backseat at the feeling of his touch.
âHeyâ you replied, smiling slightly.
You werenât used to being in this position. Being the nervous one, being the one in the center of attention. It was usually the other way around whenever you would join Lando at events. But now that it was your turn to shine, you were close to freaking out on him.
âYou donât have to be nervous. Youâre gonna kill it out thereâ he said, his fingers rubbing soothing circles on your knee and lower thigh.
You sighed again, your eyes boring into Landoâs.
âWhat if I mess it up? I know Iâve been saying Iâm ready to do this, but what if Iâm really not? My career could be over in a heartbeat if even the slightest thing goes wrongâ you explained, staring into Landoâs eyes.
They always brought you comfort, no matter the situation that you would find yourself in. Just one look into Landoâs eyes and the whole world around you would calm down and all of your problems suddenly seemed a lot smaller than you had made them out to be.
Thatâs just the effect that your boyfriend has on you.
âThatâs a lot of âifsâ for one sentence, donât you think?â he asked, his voice teasing you a little bit. âBaby, you know as well as I do how hard youâve been working to finally make it here. These people chose you for a reason, out of so many other models they chose you. They saw something special in you, donât put yourself down now. Youâre going to step on that runway and knock everyone on their assesâ he said, his face as serious as youâd ever seen it.
He was right, at the end of the day. But he knew it was the nerves talking, so he had no problems in making sure that you knew just how special you were.
âThank you. I love you so fucking muchâ you tearfully said, leaning in and pressing your lips against his, hard, in a passionate kiss.
Lando reciprocated it, sneaking one of his arms around your waist to pull you closer to him, his other hand still resting on your thigh.
âI love you more. Show them what youâre made of. Iâll be proud of you no matter whatâ
You smiled, for the first time that night, and nodded frantically.
You were gonna rock the shit out of that show.
âĄâĄâĄâĄâĄ
Safe to say that your brave facade had only lasted an hour, right up until the moment you were supposed to step on the runway.
You were back to freaking the fuck out, your palms were sweating, your legs were shaking, your heart was threatening to beat out of your chest, and Lando was nowhere to be seen.
He had left you in the changing room before he made his way into the audience, which right now seemed like the worst idea he had ever had to you.
âY/N, get ready. Youâre up in 2 minutesâ the stage managed announced, making your breathing even more ragged than it already way.
You slowly made your way to the entrance of the runway, careful not to slip and fall on your wobbly legs. You sneakily got a look of the audience and the other models. the amount of people adding to your already growing stress.
But you couldnât even focus on them anymore. Your eyes were frantically searching for his, the only thing that you could find solace in at that moment.
You were slowly starting to give up hope of seeing him from that angle before you got on stage, but then your eyes landed straight on him.
He was already looking at you, his eyes worried but excited at the same time. He subtly gave you a thumbs up and mouthed âYouâve got this, I love youâ before giving you one of his signature smiles.
You smiled, blew him a kiss and stepped back, closing your eyes as you gathered your thoughts.
You had been waiting for this moment ever since you were a little girl, you had worked your ass off for this opportunity, and you were about to show everyone exactly what you were made of.
Letting out a big breath, you shrugged off the thin robe you had tied around your waist, walked up the steps to the runway and stepped into the spotlight, a bright smile gracing your face as you confidently made your way down the runway.
The audience was in awe as they followed you with their eyes, but the only eyes that you cared about were Lando's.
He was clapping the loudest out of anyone, beyond proud of you and what this meant for your career.
"Go baby!" you heard him yell, and it took everything in you not to stop and blow him a kiss or just jump off from the stage straight into his arms.
Instead, you smiled even wider, stopping at the end of the runway to pose with your wings before turning around and walking back, catching Lando's eye for a second and winking at him.
The audience was clapping the loudest they had all night as you slowly retreated off the stage, almost doubling over your feet as you were finally out of the spotlight and into the safe comfort of the dressing room.
"Are you okay?" another Angel asked you, one of the girls you had got to know pretty well over the last few weeks.
"I can't believe I just did that" you said, both of you silent for a moment before you burst into laughter, clutching your bare stomach.
"You were great out there, especially considering the support system you had" she teased before pointing behind you.
You chuckled and turned around, seeing Lando making his way into the dressing room and towards the two of you.
No words were needed as you completely melted into his arms, the familiar warmth of his hold enveloping you like a safety blanket. His arms had slowly become your favorite place to be, the place where nothing and nobody could get to you, where you could let yourself feel and where you could be safe from everything out there.
"You were incredible out there. I couldn't take my eyes off of you" he whispered, his breath hot against your ear as he held you close to his body.
You chuckled, squeezing him a little tighter.
"Thank you for being here for me. I can't even explain how much having you here meant to me" you said, your eyes welling up with tears as you buried your face into his chest, hiding away from the world to a place where it was just the two of you.
"I wouldn't miss this for the world, I'm so proud of you" he whispered, pressing a kiss to your cheek.
The love that you felt in those moments was overwhelming, but at the same time was everything you could ever wish for.
"I love you so much" you pulled away just enough so you could see his face, your gaze instantly falling to his lips.
"I love you too" he said before leaning down and pressing his lips against yours.
The whole world seemed to fade away, the runway and show long forgotten and pushed at the back of your mind.
You had everything that mattered right there with you.
Your love and biggest support.
Your Lando.
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