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yelpfic · 3 years ago

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2021 Writing (Year in Review)

This year, I posted 105k words on AO3. This is about half as much as I wrote in 2020, but still an incredible feat for me.

Overall, it was a good year for writing, and I had a lot of fun creating the stories I did. 300k+ words later, I'm still shocked that I'm allowed to write whatever absurd nonsense comes to mind and just... post it on the internet; that there's no fic police waiting to slap the keyboard out of my hands and send me to fic jail for my fic crimes.

I did a lot of exchanges this year, probably more than was healthy (more reflections on this in the meme answers below). I wrote my first DVD Commentary, which was a cool way to reflect on and document my own writing process, and participated in my first remix exchange, which let me create my take on someone else's work, and see someone else's take on mine.

I almost managed to keep myself to one WIP at a time, but I slipped up towards the end of the year. I'm finding that I enter a dangerous zone when I have the remainder of a story outlined in broad strokes. I lose some of the motivation to keep writing that comes from wanting to see for myself what happens (because I already know), but it’s also too much hard work to figure out the specifics of how we'll get there, so writing the next chapter is a struggle. Sigh, writers can be such ridiculous creatures.

One small, silly achievement: I noticed my AO3 account has been hovering near 100 subscribers for the past month or so, and I just managed to hit that milestone before the end of the year. Major thanks to everyone for reading what I put out, and for not calling the aforementioned fic police on me. I'm so honored to be allowed into your inboxes and your eyeballs.

AO3 stats and meme responses below the cut.

My AO3 stats at the end of the year:

Meme questions:

Best title: "The Substitute King" In contrast to random poetry/song lyrics, this one is simple, direct, and tells you exactly what the story is about. It actually does the job of titling the contents of the story, which I rarely manage!

Worst title: "The Cold of Snow Refreshes the Soul" I wanted to match thematically with its prequel, "A Soft Tongue Can Break the Bone", which is from the book of Proverbs in the Bible. I tried to find something in a nearby verse, and ended up with this. I feel it's passable, but also feel a mild pang of embarrassment every time I scroll by.

Longest title: "The World Changes (And I Do Too Remix)" (38 characters), because I heard that's how you're supposed to title remixes.

Shortest title: "77" (2 characters)

Best first line: "In the fledgling start of a city not yet grown into its name, lies awake a tired yaksha recently divested of his. Sleeping soundly next to him is the Archon responsible, for the names and the insomnia both."

Worst first line: "I'd been waiting ever so long," says Mira out of nowhere, "to find players that were suited for it."

Best last line: "It only flies between them, light and inconsequential, shared as freely and as easily as the flow of laughter and conversation, while the timer ticks ever closer to the end."

Worst last line: "What can I say? You've given me so many gifts. I'm glad I could finally give you something in return."

Conclusion: I need to work on dialogue...

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted? More!! I didn't write one down last time, but let me make a prediction for next year: I'll guess 60k words for 2022.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? I suppose "The Man from U.N.C.L.E."? I watched this on a whim because I saw a pinch hit requesting it. The pinch hit ended up getting done without me, but somehow a small idea had germinated, so I wrote it anyway.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest. Perhaps You Are Pain Pinned to Muscle. I've been requesting this prompt in several exchanges (futilely - I don't think much of anyone in the exchange scene is into this fandom), and it's almost a relief to take a stab at it myself. Now let's see if I can finish it...

Okay, NOW your most popular story. Solid as Stone! zhongguang shippers are incredible.

Story most underappreciated by the universe? The Substitute King. Feels a bit weird to complain about problematic porn being underappreciated, but IMO it is similar in content and length to my more popular works, but didn't appear to be well liked. My answer to this question last year was also my fill for Heart Attack Exchange - it's possible something about the exchange is not conducive to feedback. But it's also possible that the stories themselves are not good; writing a 10k story in two weeks doesn't produce the best results!

Story that could have been better? The story I put here last year was one that probably should have been longer, but I didn't feel comfortable continuing due to it being an exchange fic. I again feel this way, this year about Millions of Miles Under My Heels, so I'm definitely seeing a pattern.

Saddest story? Ginkgo, I think. Though the tone was lighter, the situation was sad.

Most fun? Linchpin. The canon was extremely fun, and having just consumed it a few days prior, I was still amped up on that vibe.

Most fucked-up story? On the Origin of Monsters (lack of link intentional).

Hardest story to write? The Cold of Snow Refreshes the Soul. I felt so much pressure writing for the same person again, and I didn't want to let them down.

Easiest/most fun story to write? Of Tricks and Treats. I saw some great, seasonal fanart and immediately jotted down an outline. Came back from running some errands, fleshed it out, and had it finished and posted it within hours!

Top five scenes you would like to see illustrated: Xiao in feathered leotard with Zhongli in coattails (The Flying Trapeze), original characters Nabonidus and Semiramis looking imposing in their robes and tattoos (The Substitute King), Hades!Hiruma pulling Cereberus off Heracles!Habashira (The Twelfth Labor of Habashira(cles)), Tsukasa and Senku eating ramen on a random rooftop (You Are Pain Pinned to Muscle).

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? I've done exchanges before, but this year was when I really went hardcore into them. It was inspiring to write to prompts and a like list; sometimes when you're just writing for yourself, you wonder if anyone will even care to read what you're putting down, so knowing you're tailoring your work to at least one person's interests can be helpful. Writing a bunch of stories to order also gave me a much better grasp on how "long" a potential story idea feels, both a rough wordcount and a sense of how long it would take me to write and polish.

On the other hand, I found myself really wrapped up in wondering if my recipient liked what I created for them, and I didn't like the anxiously nail-biting, inbox-refreshing person it turned me into, if, for any (totally valid) reason, I didn't hear back right away. I'd like to take away the positives (the fun atmosphere of shared creativity, the inspiration that can flow from other people's prompts), while cutting back the negatives. I'll definitely do fewer exchanges in the future, but look out for more opportunities to get inspired in similar ways.

What are your fic writing goals for next year? I have two ongoing projects, including one that I started over a year ago, which I feel rather guilty about not finishing. I’d like to wrap those up! I also want to work more on original things, but I did say that last year too. On the technical side, the main things I want to focus on are clarity and conciseness.

#fic meta #writing meta #meme #year in review

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kunstpause-archive · 5 years ago

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2019 Writer’s Round-Up

@elveny tagged me in this and I have an equally hard time calculating things like word counts. There was a time when I kept track of it almost religiously but that somehow stopped sometime in 2018. It’s especially useless when writing so many things together - there are chapters by now where I honestly can’t tell anymore who wrote what paragraph. Plus we edit each other... It’s hard! But I’ll try my best.

tagging @curiousthimble @captainderyn @tishinada @illegiblewords @midnightprelude @anchanted-one @defira85 and everyone of my followers who is a writer - I always forget someone bc of squirrel brain - please don’t feel excluded and feel free to tag me back

Word count

So this is going to be a bit of an estimate.

I saw from Julie’s post that we have written about 422821 words so far on our long fic - some of it is obsolete by now bc we re-did so much and some of it is in very early planning.

And apparently we’ve written another 134024 words for our DAI OT3 Adriene Hawke/Amara Lavellan/Iron Bull and for the Hawke Twins in Skyhold. We actually had a quite laid out plan for that story and I love what we have so farbut we changed soooo much in den DA2 story and went into different directions with basically all characters that we will have to redo most of this when the time comes... (A reason why we both promised ourselves to write more chronologically - we got tired of rewriting our own stuff constantly...)

On my own I did some AU stories (namely the coffee shop au (10k) to the DA2 story and a crime/spy au (currently 60k) which I have stopped posting bc I need to change something towards the very end and I kinda feel I need to redo more chapters before that slightly as well. It is almost finished though. I guess it has about 4-5k words missing and is on my to-do list for 2020). I also re-wrote a part of my DAI story, We overcome the night. (Inquisitor/Iron Bull) which is basically a small prequel for that DAI story with elveny. (35k)

Then I started an swtor story that isn’t published yet that sits at 10k

And I dipped my toes into some Dos2 and FFXIV (the latter one isn’t really published yet, also it isn’t done.)

Together with prompts and the fictober bits and small things here or there I think the stuff that I wrote on my own sits at about 200.000 words, give or take. together with the shared stuff I’ve written somewhere between 450.000 and 500.000 words this year in total.

Number of smut scenes

I wanna say “not that many” but then I went an had a look... About 25 - not all of them published yet.And most of them are very story driven, there is only a handful for the smut itself.

New things I tried this year

I went into the realm of Coffee Shop AUs for our DA2 story. And I had loads of fun with it. A follow-up for the DAI characters and a sorta side story for my Warden/Leliana OTP from DAO is loosely planned. Elveny wrote a very sweet roomate au in the same setting. (We can’t even AU on our own!)

I tried out some horror and psychological stuff in our Fictober AU as well as wrote quite a few different characters for the first time.

And I went into totally new fandoms this year, namely Dos2 and FFXIV. Though especially with FFXIV it feels sorta like tip of the iceberg. I will definitely plan and write more for that.)

Favourite thing I wrote this year

This is really hard. Because I am really happy about several things. But a few that I am especially fond of:

This short fic about Fane from Dos2

This chapter from the Fictober AU where I went totally out of character from my own writing both style and topic wise

This little fan-fanfiction I wrote for @elveny ‘s Lyssa (again, experimenting with another style)

Favourite fic I read this year

Family is what you make of it by @elveny - It was so sweet an humorous - I adored every minute of it

The wrong Warden by @curiousthimble - I am still not caught up bc I had a period of about 3 months where I couldn’t concentrate on reading anything but I am more than halfway there and I love this story. The characterisations are so spot on and the dynamics between the characters are wonderful. Not to mention a really great and interesting OC

Moments in time by @captainderyn - LOTRO! One of my very original internet fandoms and her stories and ocs are so damn lovely! It was surprisingly easy to get quite invested into both her ocs - the one shots range from funny and fluffy to sad and there is so much feeling in it.

Stalemate by @illegiblewords - I did not see those feels coming. Especially not with such an absolute rarepair and in a way I never even considered before. Single-handily opened my eyes to an amazing dynamic and just made me yell at my screen with emotions.

Writing goals for 2020

So many... Finally finish the crime au thingy. Write more FFXIV stuff. Continue on Precipice of Change, potentially finish it. (Which will be hard bc I love this universe a lot.) Write the very intense Tranquil AU to that universe. (Parts of it exist already) Write more for DAO. Get better and or consistent with answering prompts. (They are usually so much fun but the right headspace... you know?) Experiment more with style. Write something that makes @elveny either laugh or cry - both fine by me.

Words of Thanks

The most important ones have to go to Julie/elveny - for being my constant writing companion, for being my best friend and overall one of the most amazing people that I know. You encourage me, you give me ideas and you take my own ideas and make them better and I am so happy you are in my life! To many more years together!

Thank you for all the amazing people who beta (or have beated) for me or us. @edencalder @knallbart @curiousthimble and @cornfedcryptid as of late

And special thanks to @anchanted-one for going over something for us and for always leaving encouraging comments and @captainderyn for the really heartfelt feedback

#Kunstpause writes stuff #writing meme #this was a very productive year #writing wise #long post

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blondecarfucker · 6 years ago

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Bed of Roses (Last Chapter - 21)

Roger Taylor x Reader

BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: THE LAST CHAPTER. I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE. i feel like before i start my thank yous i could give you some weird trivia on the story. i wrote the entire outline for the fic at a weekend shift at work, where i always have free time. i had some smaller ideas - them meeting at a bar and not seeing again, the whole kensingon-taxi-class thing from the beginning - but there was a sudden burst of inspiration and in like twenty minutes the outline was done, and very little has changed, i mostly just added some more details. also, i imagine the reader as alicia silverstone in the 90s?? idk. i just do. also, the reader thing with new york comes from the fact that i lived there for a while and i miss it so much, so thats why theres so much detail about places and stuff - its my form of revisiting my favourite spots there. also, will (REMEMBER WHEN) was written with sebastian stan in mind, and liv tyler (in her lord of the rings days) was poppy. i did too much research for this fic on queen history, and everytime i had to change something (especially in the first act) so the dates made more sense, it KILLED ME.

anyway, now the thank yous: SHIT THIS FIC IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT CHAPTER ON MY LIFE. its my first time writing such a long story without abandoning it, and my first time writing fiction in english, so i learned so much!! i was doing some research the other day, and the great gatsby is like 47k words long, and the first harry potter is around 70k words long - bed of roses is around 60k words long. this is crazy.

it's also my first story to get this many readers interacting with me, and i'm so grateful for you all!! i thought about thanking you all by name, but i dont want anyone to feel left out so i just want every and each one of you reading these words to know: if you read my story, thank you. thank you for giving me your time of the day, thank you for connecting with what i wrote, thank you for telling me in any way possible that you've enjoyed it. thank you. a writer must write, but theres not a lot of joy in talking to an empty room. you filled my small room with warmth and love and there's not enough words to express my gratitude for you all. thank you.

about my writing: i plan on FINALLY DOING THE MANY REQUESTS I HAVE IGNORED OVER THIS FINAL ACT OF BED OF ROSES - requests are still open, too! i'm also outlining a smaller roger x reader fic where she's one of the videographers on the news of the world documentary, so keep an eye out for that! i'm gonna open a permanent taglist for the requests (and eventual new fic), so if you want to be added, hit me up in the ask box/comments/inbox!

anyway i'll finally wrap up this chapter's note cause you have the final chapter to read. enjoy my loves

Words: nearly 4k

Warnings: none??? part of their dialogue is inspired by some of my favourite movies and books like her and the wife and almost famous and before sunrise and the fault in our stars and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and maybe more I DONT KNOW ITS BEEN AN EMOTIONAL RIDE OK I CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHERE DID I PULL THIS FROM EXACTLY. some errors too cause i didnt revise it completely my bad im crying ok

ACT 3 - DAWN

"It's the moment night time seems weaker and everything seems easier to figure out"

Chapter 21

Roger lit a cigarette in the train cabin, and tried to open the top window, the one you can usually pull open.

"Rog, it's not gonna open, you know", you told him as you watched him fiddling with the glass.

"I guess you're right. Hope you won't be bothered by the smoke", he said, taking a puff.

"I won't if you share it with me", you answered, and with a half smile on his lips, Roger lifted the cigarette to your lips, and you breathed in the smoke while looking at him through your lashes.

"Don't look at me like that. Especially if the cigarette smoke is going to leave the cabin sultry and hot", he told you, and you laughed.

"Yeah, and we won't do anything about it", you said, trying to make yourself more comfortable in your seat.

"And why is that?", he asked, batting his lashes innocently at you, you you lightly elbowed his ribs.

"We need to do something else, something we've been ignoring the whole trip", you said, and he raised his brow. "We need to talk about us", you told him, and he breathed out, smoke coming out of his nose.

"I guess you're right again", he said, then slid a bit down on his seat.

You didn't think much about talking about your future with Roger while in Paris, so now has to be the time, on a train that will take you to London and to a whole month of Roger being away, promoting News Of The World.

While in Paris, you never talked to Roger about the future, and talks of the past where subtle - you talked about how you felt with the development Doctor Who took over the years, but didn't think much about the fact that you were separate during years of the show.

You enjoyed the city, but most of all, you enjoyed each other's presence, not only going to museums, churches and castles around you, following them up with fancy dinners and walks along the Seine, but you also spent time inside the room, in your pajamas, ordering take out from restaurants you found on the phone book, having a hard time trying to speak french as Roger tickled the sole of your feet and kept trying to distract you.

You would always remember the peace you felt as you ate cheap chinese food on Roger's shirt on the balcony at night, the Eiffel Tower shining over your meal and Roger's electric blue eyes as he hummed early David Bowie's songs under his breath, or how at home you felt sitting on the couch, Roger on the floor with his head on your lap, his soft strands on your fingers as you tried to braid them while watching re-runs of I Dream of Jenie, Roger focused, trying to understand the french dubbing until he noticed what you were doing.

"Babe, are you trying to braid my hair? Think I'd look better if I'd look more girly?", he said, moving his head back so he can look at you.

"Yeah. Always thought so, but I'll have to keep imagining, since your hair is too short to braid", you pouted, and he laughed.

"Don't you like my new hair, then?", he asked, pouting back, and you moved your head to his level so you could press a quick kiss to his lips.

"I love it, Rog. Especially cause since it's shorter, it looks even messier after I pull it", you said, and he smirked. "My favourite look of yours is when you're all dishevelled after sex", you winked, teasing him.

"That's my favourite, too", he said, turning completely around and pulling you in for a kiss, his hand on the back of your neck.

But now, while in the smoke filled train cabin, you needed to make a few things clear.

"I've been avoiding this for a reason", he said, looking out the window, and you raised your brow, waiting for him to explain. "I have this weird, innate fear of you telling me it's all good but you don't want to see me again, or something", he said, and you gave him a half smile.

"I don't want to do this, Rog. And I won't do it", you told him, and he sighed in relief.

"Even though loving you is a bit complicated, I'll admit. Especially if you're me", you shrugged, and he turned to you, confused.

"Let me explain. I loved your idea for a bed of roses, a few days ago, cause it can exemplify our relationship so well. The roses feel so good against the skin, the smell is so intoxicating, it looks so beautiful - maybe too beautiful, ethereal, even. But then there's always a few thorns here and there, and they hurt so much when they lodge themselves on my skin, but I'm so intoxicated by the whole experience that I don't mind - I convince myself that it's nothing, and even that it's already part of me already, cause the thorns fit so perfectly on me, on my little stabs made by myself, by my own insecurities", you say, and he stares at you.

"What I'm trying to say is that every minute that I'm with you always distract me from the issues that come with being with you - the fact that there's a few expectations that come with being your serious girlfriend, be them always travelling with you while we're young, or eventually staying home once we have kids, knowing that you'll eventually cheat on me with a younger version of myself, while I'm too tired of taking care of the babies to even think about my sexual needs", you said, and you watched him frown.

"I'm not sure where you're going with this-", he started saying, but you cut him off.

"Let me finish, I promise it will get better", you said, fixing your posture as you start again. "But the thing is, I love you. I always have, ever since I started talking to you, you always trying to outflirt me, always seeing me as your equal. You desire me, but you also listen and see me as another human being, you never back down or ignore me if I challenge one of your beliefs, and you never treat me as a trophy-wife-to-be", you say, and you can feel your eyes fill with tears, but you're smiling. That's what you always loved about Roger. He smiled back at you.

"And because I love you, I don't want to deny myself the pleasure of being with you. I'd rather be in a bed of roses than in an empty bed - or worse, a blank bed, someone being there just so it's less cold at night. I want to be with you, Rog", you say, and he pulls you in for a hug, and you hold him back for a few moments before pulling away and looking at him in the eye.

"But also because I love you and I want to be with you, Rog, I don't want us to try to fit into this type of relationship I just mentioned. I don't want you to make me the other woman, either, when you eventually find someone so you can settle down, if it's not me" you said, rubbing your nose. "I guess I want to settle down with you, eventually, as we planned before, but this whole thing - living together and cheating if we're away for too long - it kills me, and I think it kills you, too. I respect you too much to want to cheat on you again, cause if I ever do and you never find out, I'll lose respect for you, and the same thing will happen if you cheat on me and I don't find out. And these are ugly truths, but this isn't our first time together; we know each other, we need to think about this", you told him, and he nodded.

"And I need to make it clear that I'll never be a simple rockstar housewife - I'll never be able to quit my job and look out for the kids while you travel the world and I make them lunch. I'll never be able to sit down on a dinner table on some award show with you and when someone asks me what I'll do, I'll smile as I say I'm a king-maker. I'm not", you said, firmly.

"And I'll never be satisfied with dumb spa and shopping trips as you do the actual work when we travel. If I have to live this life, I'll resent you, and I don't want that. I like being domestic with you, but this type of forced domesticity will poison us again - we're both too wild, too career-focused, for this. We've always been similar", you said, and he gave you a smile as you sighed. "I guess that's all I have to say", you shrugged, and he laughed. "Not much, right?", he said, running his fingers on his hair, pulling the strands back.

"Guess it's my turn now", he said, and you nodded, encouraging him. "When I saw you again, at the pub, there was so much that I wanted to say. I mostly wanted to apologize - it got lost as I got infatuated with you again, and tried to get you in bed - you know, usual stuff", he winked, and you laughed.

"But yeah, I kept looking at you while you updated me on your life, your skin glooming under the stars and the moonlight, and I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other. Everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. Cause no matter what - even if you had decided on never seeing me again after all this - I'll always love you, because we grew up together. And you helped make me who I am", he said, moving strands of your hair behind your ear.

"I just want you to know that there will always be a piece of you in me, always. Whatever someone you become, wherever you are in the world, however this" he said, pointing his finger to the two of us "works out, in whatever form it might take", he said, sighing "I'll always send you love. Before being anything else to me - and I hope to God you're always something more - you'll always be my friend, to the end", he told you, and the tears were already streaming down your cheeks. His cheeks soon mirrored yours.

"And now, after you so eloquently told me all your fears about our future, I need you to know something else, too", he said, as you wiped the tears under your eyes. "I always loved you for being the way you are. You always challenge me, you always make me work harder, try harder, to be better. And it's not even something you force me to do; I just follow your lead. The way you look was what first got into me, I won't lie, but the way you are is what made me stay. It's what will always make me stay", he said, a genuine smile on his lips. He made you feel warm, like the sun.

"You're the smartest person I know, you're funny, you enjoy sex, you're unapologetic, you're proud of who you are, even proud of your insecurities. And you have such a huge importance in my life: you made me who I am. Whatever way you want to make us work, I trust you. I just want to be with you, in whatever form it takes", he said, smiling, and then getting up and opening his bag.

"I forgot to give you something", he said, pulling a string out of the front pocket. You recognized the red glimmer. It was the heart necklace. "It's still yours to keep. Even though it's not in its original glory, it will always be yours. The necklace and my heart", he said, and you couldn't help but smile at him.

"Always so cheesy, Taylor", you said, joking as you moved your hair to the side so he could put the necklace on.

"You always loved it", he winked, and you laughed. "I do", you said, smiling.

"So, what does it all mean? Where are we?", you asked, and he shrugged. "Wherever you want us to be. I just hope that you keep me around", he told you sincerely.

"I will. So, we're not going back to our old ways, right? We're not back at sharing a flat and stuff", you said, and he nodded. "Sure".

"And you're going to spend a month away, all around the world. I don't want you to feel pressured not to cheat", you said, and he nodded again.

"Yeah, and you're back in London, starting a new job. I don't want you to be worried, too", he said.

"So, maybe no exclusivity, this time? At least not now. This is still debatable, in the future", you said, and he agreed.

"Makes sense. But I'll have a hard time desiring anyone but you", Roger said in a low voice, and you laughed to break any mood that might have settled. You needed to get things clear before making out in the train cabin.

"Me too, Rog. But I don't want to create any expectations of loyalty because we know each other too well, and I don't want a stupid fight to break this thing we're building together", you said.

"It's a good idea. So, no titles, too? I can't call you my girlfriend?", he said, and you laughed.

"You can, if you want to", you told him, and he pulled you closer to him.

"Good, cause I want to call you that on the News of the World launch party, that I'm hoping you'll go as my date", he said, pressing a kiss on top of your head, breathing in your fruity smell.

"Of course I'll go. I need to see the boys again", you told him, and he laughed.

"So you're not going for me, then?", he pouted, and you laughed again.

"No, I'm just going so I can meet Deacy's kid", you told him, and it was his turn to laugh.

Once you got to London, Roger offered to go to the airport alone - he had to get on his flight, and he was late. He knew you had to go home and get ready for work tomorrow, but you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

He looked relieved when you got on a cab with him to Heathrow.

"Big day tomorrow, huh", he said, rubbing your arm.

"Yeah, I still can't believe I'm finally going to work at the British Museum. It's so surreal, it feels like a dream. Like I'm living someone else's life", you said, looking out at the window, the early sunday morning reminding you of fresh starts - you were in the middle of one.

"Well, it's your life, and it's your job, cause you deserve it, babe. I never met someone who worked so hard to get where they want", Roger said, smiling, proud.

"I did. You and the boys", you said, and he huffed. "Guess you're right. Me and that pack of idiots, we turned out okay", he joked.

Once you got to the airport, you followed him to his gate.

You were feeling nervous - you had him for a week, and now it's time to say goodbye again.

You're both aware that the rest of the band is already waiting impatiently in the jet, but you can't help it - you hug him, dropping your luggage on the floor, and he does the same, the hug soon turning into a kiss as you rub your hands on each other's body, as if you're trying to remember how every inch of the other feels like, as if you're both about to disappear.

But the airport worker clears her throat, and you break the kiss, looking at each other longingly.

"Don't say goodbye", you beg Roger, putting your hand on his lips as he opens his mouth.

"See you soon", he says between your fingers. You smile at him, grateful he found a way with words so you're not repeating the same old goodbyes.

"See you soon, Roger", you say, hugging him again for a few seconds, just trying to capture every detail - his smell, the feeling of his arms around you, his body against yours.

And once he has to go into the jet, you go to the glass wall, and you can swear you see some familiar faces from the windows of the jet.

But before you can focus, soon Roger's well known face takes over the window you're watching, and he puts a hand on the glass.

You can't help but think about the last time you did that with him, him being on your place as you were inside the plane, moving to another country, your heart weighing down on you, filled with doubts.

But now your heart warmed you up, filled with joy and love, and you could feel Roger's crystal heart on top of your chest. He was right. There would be always a piece of him on you, too.

Epilogue: News of the World Launch Party

"Y/N! You're back!" Brian's voice welcomed you to the ballroom.

You squeezed Roger's hand - it was the first time you saw the band in years, and you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous about it.

"Darling, you're really back! We thought Roger was getting high too often and hallucinated a week in Paris with you. But I guess you did come back to him", Freddie said, hugging you by the side as he held a glass of champagne on his other hand.

"I'm back with him only so I can see you all again, of course", you said, winking at Roger as he pretended to be offended.

But then you heard Deacy and Veronica scream your name in unison, and you turned to see them.

"So you're really back!!" Deacy said, but your eyes were on the baby boy on his lap.

"This is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life.", you said, trying to get his attention. Roger looked at you, adoringly, as you moved your eyes to Veronica.

"Ronnie!! You're so big!" you said, trying to hug her through her belly. "It's coming out in a few months! It's a boy, Michael. Someone our young Rob can play with", she said, and Roger frowned.

"I could swear it was a girl", he said, and John smiled. "Maybe next time", he said.

"Hey, Bob. Do you want to play with me? C'mon", you said, and he motioned to go to your arms. You picked him up as he started playing with your hair.

"You'd be a good mom, Y/N", Veronica said, and you got tense. "God, Ronnie, don't even joke about this", you said, and Roger chuckled. "It's a sensitive topic at the moment", he explained.

"The moment will take quite some time, you know", you told him, the youngest Deacon pulling your earring before playing with the crystal heart on your neck.

You talked to the boys and Veronica for a while, updating each other, but no one brought up how you and Roger got back together. It just felt natural - no need to question.

You stayed with Roger for the whole night - behind the cameras as he did press, by his side during dinner - where he was back at his old ways, teasing you lightly with his hand under the table. You felt good in his arms, getting back into his life.

He was interested in getting back into your life, too. He came back to London last night, and went straight to dinner with you. You were trying different food, and now was time to try Indian food.

As he ate his Chicken Tikka Masala, dipping the naan in the sauce, you invited him for a party your bosses would be throwing next month to celebrate a new exhibit.

He gave you a bright smile. "I'd love to be your date, my love", he said.

And after the Deacons went home - Robert was asleep on his father's lap - the party got louder, the dance floor more full. You could swear you saw an angular face that could only belong to Bowie pick someone to dance - was this Princess Leia? - but before you could process the whole situation, Roger pulled you to dance.

"Thought you didn't dance, Mr Taylor", you told him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you tried to slow dance to All The Young Dudes, by Mott The Hoople.

"I don't dance very well, indeed. But it's just an excuse to be so close to you in public, and God, I'm dying to call you Ms Taylor", he said, and you chuckled.

"Take it slower, Rog", you told him, and he leaned in to rest his head on the curve of your neck. "And why do you want to be close to me in public? Is it still one of your weird fetishes?", you joked, and you felt him laugh against your skin.

"No, it's just that you've been killing me with this dress of yours, and you've been killing a lot of the guys here, too. Could swear I saw Bowie checking you out", he told you, and you gasped.

"Taylor, don't even joke about this. I'd have a heart attack", you said, and he laughed. "You'd leave me here for Bowie, is that it?", he asked, and you laughed.

"Of course not. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he might acknowledge my existence", you said, and it was his turn to laugh. "The only eyes I really like to feel on me when I look away are yours, Rog", you said, and he gave you a quick kiss.

"Okay, had enough of trying to dance. Let's get some fresh air", he told you, and you followed him to the balcony.

As the cold, fresh air brushed against your exposed skin, you heard the first notes to Tiny Dancer, by Elton John. You walked to the balcony, leaning in and taking in the view of London at night.

Roger soon took you into his arms, hugging you from behind, and you felt safe, his body heart making you warm in the cold evening as he jokingly whispered "Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man" into your ear, and you scoffed. "Slower, Taylor", you told him, and he laughed.

"However you want it, babe", he said, now paying attention to the view, focusing on the feeling on you in his arms again. Finally.

But oh how it feels so real

Lying here with no one near

Only you and you can hear me

When I say softly, slowly

"I could die right now, Y/N. I'm just... happy. I've never felt this type of happiness before. I'm just exactly where I want to be", Roger said in his husky voice, and you nodded lightly in agreement.

Because in Roger's arms, you feel home. You feel what you hoped to feel for years - what got you to move to London in the first place. You feel like you belong.

---

1988 Special

Taglist:

@taylorroger-s @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @its-nessi @anamcg317 @frenchieswiftie @queen-danielle-dani-dan @minihemo @shutup-sorry @theyrealllegends @killerqueenisthebest @ashagracelove @hardy-s @fuckinghurricanesoul @secretsweetscollectionblog @mrswinterhater @11mb0 @tamtam-go92 @derptatosaur @brianandthemays @phantom-fangirl-stuff @the-hysterical-queen @rogerofmylife @notevenlxvely @discodeakyy @x1975sos @16wiishes @jennycidesstuff @partydulce @melros-e @onevisionliz

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themelaninmamifiles · 6 years ago

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Changing Perspectives & Embracing the WAHM Life

Long before I was considering having children or getting married, I used to always say that I never wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). It just seemed boring and anti-climatic after having spent a lifetime studying towards a career to do something. Don’t get me wrong, being a mom is a noble and essential profession, and this is in no way a diss towards SAHMs, but it just wasn’t for me.

Fast forward to about 10 years ago and I shifted positions slightly. This was also around the time that I realized that corporate life was for the birds and I was tired of working for other people on a full-time basis. So, I can be honest here and admit that part of the reason I wanted to work for myself was that I was tired of working for tyrants. Small businesses might be the backbone of the U.S. economy but many of them are run by nut jobs who lack people skills. And I had managed to work for two such companies back to back.

Anywho, in 2009 I decided to step out on my own and just work as a freelancer/consultant. It gave me the flexibility to work with the people and on the projects that I wanted to, and it allowed me to primarily work from home. And let’s face it, even though there are real benefits to working in a collaborative office environment, having a “morning commute” that’s just a few steps from the bedroom to wherever I keep my laptop is hard to beat. So, I’ve been a freelancer/consultant for 10 years now.

And when I first got pregnant in 2017, I had plans for a three-month maternity leave and then to return to a company I was consulting with at the time. I had this mindset that I would get bored being home non-stop with my child and would welcome the distraction and outlet of getting out of the house and interacting with others. So fast forward to the summer of last year, and my technical maternity leave was up. But I wasn’t interested in returning to my marketing work. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to work, but I wanted to pivot to something that offered more flexibility. And this was for a number of reasons:

Childcare is Expensive

I live in North Jersey, and can literally see One World Trade from my house. It takes me all of 25 to 35 minutes to commute to Herald Square (Macy’s where they do the Thanksgiving Day Parade for those of you not in the tri-state region). Depending on where you go between North Jersey and NYC, daycare can range from $1,000 to 4,000 a month. When I tell you, that shit is expensive, I’m not lying. That’s essentially my husband and I paying rent twice.

Once I ran the numbers, I realized that in order for me to go back to any consulting role where they expected me to even spend half my time in Manhattan in their offices, I’d need to be making six figures or kissing up to it as close as possible. Why?

Because on top of that daycare cost is the price of getting in and out of the city. And now that I live in Jersey, I don’t just pay for the NYC MTA, but the Path, and the NJ Transit. So three separate monthly commute costs, paying for lunch in the city, plus daycare plus all of our other expenses. Can I get six figures? Certainly. But those aren’t the roles where you get an offer the same day you pitch/interview. From my experience, once you pass the 60K mark, it takes multiple rounds and a bit of romancing to get companies to loosen their purse strings.

Tay Tay is My Focus

One of the things I’ve always hated about working for others or working on long-term consulting projects where you’re technically an extension of the client’s company is that business owners want you to make their company a priority over yourself.

It’s happened. At. Every. Long-term. Company. I’ve. Ever. Represented.

I’ve been expected to drop everything and fly around the world to rep clients at their partner factories. I missed Thanksgiving one year because I was in China in a factory coordinating designs and patterns for a clothing collection. I’ve been expected to attend conferences to network with businesses on behalf of a client who ultimately had no interest in partnering with them.

This induced eye rolls before TayTay came along. Every damn company knew I had my own consulting work, that I’m an influencer, that I like to travel, etc. Yet all of them would have this ridiculously unrealistic expectation that I was supposed to pause my life and make them the most important thing at the peril of all else. Meanwhile, some of them wouldn’t return that favor by doing things like say...pay their invoices to me on time.

When TayTay was born, she literally became my focus. My priority is on raising this little human to be well adjusted, confident and a productive member of society. So, yeah I take the job of “mom” very seriously. But this also meant that I had a serious talk with myself and realized that although marketing is my love, I wasn’t going to be able to devote the focus to that type of work right now. Maybe once TayTay starts school, but for now, I need something less demanding. Okay so I knew my limitations, but I still had to make money. We can’t be a single income family.

So I Pivoted…

Lucky for me, I’m not a one trick pony. I’ve always had a variety of talents, one of which is writing. I’ve worked as a copywriter off and on for years—mostly as a side hustle to supplement the marketing consulting. But towards the end of my pregnancy, I started taking on more copywriting work through agencies...and I love it because:

No Commute: My commute is from the bedroom to my living room or desk where I can write til my heart’s content.

No childcare expenses: For now, we’re not putting TayTay in daycare. At some point when she’s two, we’ll put her in a half-day program for socialization. But for now, I’m the primary caregiver.

I don’t take my work home with me: I know, I know, I work from home so technical sticklers will say this isn’t true. Clients reach out and ask me to write whatever content is needed. But once the content is submitted, no one’s giving me the side eye or trying to berate me. There’s no “we need a real team player” or “someone who’s committed for the long-term”. (side eye). Once I finish a project, that’s it. Maybe there’s an edit request, but that’s pretty rare (yes I’m that great at crafting content).

No scope creep: Anyone who’s worked on projects as a freelancer knows why this is a big deal. I’m not expected to be a Jack or Jane of all trades. Once I get the project brief, that’s it. No one comes back and asks me if in addition to writing I can also do some Photoshop work, oh and maybe also manage the social media, oh and maybe also handle the press releases, oh yeah and also work as a hiring manager.

Flexibility: I’ve literally been able to do this work while on vacation or en route in the airport because it’s that easy for me to write. While I was in San Francisco and Miami earlier this year, I worked on projects and it was a painless experience. No one was texting and harassing me, demanding I get on a call to listen to them drone on about nothing. And even on the day to day, I can take a break in the afternoon without getting frenzied texts or emails from people expecting me to be chained to my laptop.

Timely pay: Now granted, you can still come across slow/no pay bums in the copywriting world, but I’ve been blessed in this department. I work with a number of great agencies/platforms that pay well and on time.

I can prioritize myself: One of the biggest wakeup calls I had in the past two and a half years was working on an extended client project that left me little time for myself and made me feel like a horrible person for having my own passions outside of their business. And just as I found out I was pregnant, lack of pay caused me to step back from them.

I was forced to pause my passions/budding entrepreneurial ventures and rework my timelines because I literally didn’t have any money and everything fell on my husband. I had prioritized a client who saw fit not to pay me. Serious learning lesson! :( Fast forward to today and I have more freedom and am able to pursue my ventures again because I’m not a one-trick pony financially.

I’m happier: Not taking on other people’s unnecessary stress can do wonders for your own mental health. I’m not carrying someone else’s baggage or trying to split myself in a thousand different directions. I feel more focused now than I’ve ever been.

So I wrote ALL of this to basically say, if you’re pregnant or thinking about being pregnant, be open-minded to what your work life might look like once the baby comes. Right now you might think that being home is horrible, but then you hold that bundle of joy and your perspective changes. Maybe it’s not you, mom. Maybe it’s a SAHD or WAHD instead! Whatever works for your family—just be open to change!

#wahm #wahm life #sahm #mommy blogger #black moms blog #mommylife #parenting #working parents #workfromhome #women in business #life lessons #child care

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sennalily · 6 years ago

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Reflections from a NaNoWriMo veteran

So I’ve done NaNoWriMo since 2008, and I've won every year. Hilariously, my cumulative word-count from 10 years is 503,605, meaning I've won by an average of 360 words each year - if that isn't precision, I don't know what is.

I thought newer NaNoers might find it interesting to hear my reflections on how to get to 50,000 year after year. It is up to you to decide whether or not 50,000 is your goal, whether it's a sensible goal, and whether it's how you want to write. Ultimately, a NaNo where there are more words on the page at the end of the month than the beginning is a successful NaNo.

Be determined

NaNoWriMo is a huge thing to undertake, and there are times when it just isn't going to feel worth it (somewhere around Day 25). At those times, you just need to feel, through gritted teeth, that you want to see that 'Winner' page and get that purple badge on your profile more than you want...

... sleep.

...to be an interesting conversationalist. (Your brain will be so fried you won't be.)

... to be a good friend. (You will have to decline social events to drag yourself home and write. You will become extremely self-absorbed.)

... to write something good, or even usable. (Seriously, the first year I did NaNo I realised 30,000 words in that my story wasn't really viable, so most of the rest of what I wrote was the MC learning how to do random crap like play the harp, do square dancing, and run a farm. It wasn't good, it wasn't useful, but dangit it got me to 50,360 words.)

Seriously, getting to 50,000 words is an exercise in sheer bloody-mindedness for most of us. Embrace it! Mind over matter/common sense/sleep!

Life will happen

Ultimately, there are some things that trump getting your novel written. One year, my grandfather went into hospital on the 25th of November; the only reason I hit 50,000 that year was because I'd been writing 2,000 words a day so I was already basically there. I certainly wasn't sneaking off from his bedside to get my words done.

There are other things that will make it more difficult, and that you will just have to choose what you want more (see above about determination): 50,000 words or sleep/friends/a life/overtime at work. I've done NaNo when I was unemployed and bored and had nothing else to do. I've done NaNo around university study. I've done NaNo around three different jobs that were different levels of demanding and took up different amounts of my time. Interestingly, the easiest years for NaNo were the ones when I was early in my career, working an office job that wasn't too mentally challenging. NaNo while studying was a bugger, and NaNo while unemployed and broke was surprisingly tough - a certain amount of time constraint forces you to prioritise.

Understand your rhythm

Depending on what's going on in your life, and the kind of writer you are, different things will work for you.

Most years, I've gone with the approach of sitting down every day and writing 1,667 words and not getting up until they're done. One thing I've noticed is that 1,667 is actually a bit of an awkward number of words to write; the first 1,000 words each day are the hardest, while you get back into the mindset. Then you have 700ish fairly fluid words, and then it's done.

Actually, writing on to 2,000 words is often not that much more difficult, and will give you a nice buffer for dramas later in the month. When I was early in my career, I used to write 2,000 words a day, with the goal of getting to 60k over the month (as my lifetime total demonstrates, actually what happened was I hit 50k on the 25th and then clocked off...!) As I've needed more of my mental bandwidth at work, I've moved to an approach of writing 1,000 words a day during the week and catching up on weekends. One year I got two days behind early on and that year was such a grind that I literally had to make that up 100 words at a time over the whole rest of the month. Not a good year.

Speaking of catching up, know how much you can realistically catch up. My wordiest day ever was 6,200 words so I'm not the kind of person who could sprint out 10,000 words in a day to catch up if I got a long way behind. In fact, in general 5,000 is pretty much my max in a day. So if you're like me, you need to be disciplined and not get too far behind; whereas if you can bang out 10,000 words in a day then you can be a bit more relaxed about that.

Planning out your story does make life easier and results in more usable stuff.

Planning during NaNo is hard because you're tired and you always feel like you should be writing. If you can force yourself to, plan out (or at least have a sketch in your head) the plot you need for all 50,000 words before you go in.

... That said, I usually don't do that. Because I am not a planner.

Don't expect to (always) write something good

Look, at some point you're going to get home late from work, bang out 1666 words that are crap and you know they are. It's going to happen. Make peace with it. (I've often gone back much later and found passages I wrote in the depths of NaNo that were surprisingly non-terrible - so maybe it's more accurate to say you should suspend judgement about whether it's good.)

If you do Word Sprints, then you're going to find yourself writing 600 word blocks that are detailed descriptions of buildings, or long musings from your character, that stop the action completely and will bore readers.

Sometimes you're going to write off the end of your plot and not have enough energy to figure out exactly what should happen next, but it's 10pm and you've only written 500 words and you need to go to bed, so just make some crap up and accept that it might get deleted in the next edit.

If you decide to write historical fiction or something else that requires a lot of research... come to terms with the fact that things are going to be wrong. That is what editing is for. If you're the kind of person who needs to get things right, let yourself research (it'll just drive you crazy if you don't), but know when to call time, leave yourself a **CHECK** flag, and move on.

Edit if you must... but don't delete ANYTHING

It's good advice to 'fire your inner editor' for NaNo, but if your inner editor is like mine, that little bugger has tenure, and she's not going to be quiet. So if you have to edit, let yourself edit! I hate the feeling of leaving bits behind me I know are wrong because the direction of the plot has changed, or I need to introduce something sooner, etc. So I let myself edit.

BUT. First, accept that time spent editing is time you're not churning out words. Everything has a price! So edit enough to scratch that itch, then get back to writing.

AND. Create a separate folder in your project, or word doc, or chapter at the end, and copy/paste everything you delete into there. Those are still words that you wrote in November - you earned those words! Sometimes I've got to the point around the 28th of November where I am literally copy/pasting single words I've deleted from the main text into my 'deleted stuff' document.

Be a rebel

The traditional NaNoWriMo is to attempt to write a fresh, 50,000 original novel from beginning to end in a month. I've literally never done that. I've done a few years where I wrote the first 50,000 words of a longer novel, one year where I wrote the second 50,000 words of a novel, one year where I wrote a 30,000 word novella and then 20,000 words on a different project, one year when I took a second run at a NaNovel from a previous year (this is not as easy as it sounds), several years where I interleaved working on existing projects with writing my main NaNo story, etc.

If the traditional approach works for you, great! But if you're 25,000 words in and your story is just sort of over, wrap it up and start something new. Or if you're getting sick of the thought of your MCs, take a few days on something else.

Be social

The years when I've had the most fun doing NaNo (and the writing has felt easiest) have been the years when I've got into the community, going to Write-Ins, socials, etc. You can get a surprising amount of writing done sitting in a cafe, and wanting to be able to tell people at the TGIO that you got your 50k is a powerful motivator to keep going. The years where I haven't got so into the social aspect because I've been busy or just haven't clicked with the crowd, have been less enjoyable on many levels.

Have fun

Seriously. Write something you'd enjoy reading. Don't go in thinking you're going to write the Great [Nationality] Novel. You might end up doing that! But what's going to get you through the month is writing something you enjoy because it's silly, funny, dramatic, dark, romantic, etc, or write the thing you've been wanting to write for years. My two best NaNos were the year I wrote the story that had been in my head since I was ten years old... and the year I wrote a silly romance novel structured around my favourite Gilbert and Sullivan songs.

For me, doing NaNo has given my 50365 words I wouldn’t have had otherwise, wonderful friendships, a sense of myself as a writer, and stories I’ve been able to share and that have found an audience: Philomena, The Crown’s Price, The Forest’s Heart, The Time-Traveller’s Choice and In spite of all temptation were all at least part-written during NaNoWriMo, along with many other stories that have yet to (and may never) see the light of day.

Ultimately, the 50,000 is a target. If you get there, great! If you don't, oh well, at least you have more words! If getting that purple badge is your goal, I hope the above is helpful. Other veteran NaNoers, what are your tips for getting onto the Winner's page by 30 November?

#nanowrimo #national novel writing month #writeblr #writetip #writing advice #wattpad

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hrrytomlinson · 8 years ago

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so i’ve been making monthly fic recs for a full year now! that’s so insane to think about honestly. thanks for all the support! my first monthly fic rec was for april 2016 and it had 10 fics on it. now they have upwards of almost 30 fics. that’s character development. anyway...

here are a bunch of fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of march. I recommend that you read these great fics in april, if you haven’t already.

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)

1. Perfect Storm (80k)*

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.

Harry and Louis choose the latter.

2. The Night Sky is Changing Overhead (124k)**

Harry is a tattoo artist, Louis is a drama professor, and they meet during an argument at a café.

3. All I Wish Not to Remember (71k)**

What happens when all you had, all you loved, all you held dear is viciously ripped away from you? When your inner core, once filled with love and hope and light, blackens to raw, dark hatred?

What happens when your soul is hopelessly consumed and no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you attempt to shake yourself out, to rid your tormented mind of the opaque feelings that plague you, all you can see, all you can feel, all you can want is...

Revenge.

A modern adaption of The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. A tragic tale of timeless undying love, merciless revenge, and selfless sacrifice.

4. I Sam Therefore I Am (4k)

Louis and Harry are both creative souls but they aren't friends, not by a long shot.

This is the Rival Slam Poets AU that no one asked for.

5. Use Your Words (6k)

College AU where jock!Harry always serenades flowercrown!Louis with love songs in their music class. What nobody knows is that Harry actually kinda means the words he sings.

But instead it's Louis as the jock and Harry as the flowerchild because I do what I want.

6. We’re Going Down Swinging (21k)

Everyone knows that revenge plots never work. Liam, Zayn, and Niall have told them as much, but Hell hath no fury like Louis Tomlinson scorned. His new friend Harry takes a bit of convincing but, once he agrees to help, Louis is sure his ex will regret the day he decided to cheat.

That is, if Louis can stick to the plan and stop falling for his co-conspirator.

Or, the one where Louis and Harry fake it til they make it, so to speak.

7. Looking in the Dark (With an Empty Heart) (25k)

In a perfect world One Direction is not interviewed by idiots. In a perfect world Harry doesn't have to defend his relationship with Louis.

Harry and Louis are out, and the whole world loves their love story, until an interviewer takes hints that they're together for a very long time now, and their libido must have changed since they were young. They don't say anything, until the media turns against them, saying their relationship must be very dull after all these years.

The only thing the media doesn't know, that Louis is asexual. His biggest fear is that Harry will leave him because of it, even though Harry grabs every chance to comfort him how perfect their relationship is, and he wouldn't want to change anything.

So when in an interview the host directly calls them out on their sex-life, Harry snaps at them without thinking, outing Louis.

8. It’s All Brand New Because of You (17k)

It’s nearing six o’clock in the evening, and despite the fact that it’s summer, the aquarium has emptied out considerably and it’s quiet as Louis wanders the exhibits. A few people try to ask him questions as he wanders, but Louis knows less about the creatures in the tanks than they do, so he keeps having to apologize and explain that he’s just a counselor, not a biologist.

AKA, Louis starts a new job as a summer camp counselor at the local aquarium and Harry is a biologist who really likes teaching people about the ocean.

9. Zero to Sixty in Three Point Five (2k)

Harry bumbles himself out of a bind...and into a boyfriend. It's Niall's fault, of course. As it always is.

10. Wings to Break Your Fall (102k)*

“I’m glad you like my clothes,” Harry whispers, sliding his arms further along the couch until he’s speaking directly into Louis’ ear. “Would you like me to take them off?”

Or Strip Club AU. Harry’s work and family are keeping him busy. He really isn’t looking for a relationship, doesn’t want one. He just wants Louis. Problem is, Louis has other plans.

Featuring: spilled drinks, meddling mums, accidental insults, a pivotal plot point masquerading as a private dance, Harry with wings, slow morning sex, a secret relationship, and tea that fixes everything.

11. For the Sake of Propriety (52k)

Louis Tomlinson is the caretaker of an estate that is not truly his, and when his Uncle calls upon him to take it back, Louis knows he will soon be out on the streets with four overly zealous sisters to care for. His only solution: wed the eldest two off and pray for the best. When an even better solution unexpectedly presents itself in the form of the charming Mr. Styles, Louis is faced with a difficult choice. But as with all things in the regency era, reputation very well may threaten to outweigh the fleeting matters of his heart.

12. Feels Like Coming Home (60k)**

The last thing Harry Styles expects when he's hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that's exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn't heard one word from Louis, and he's moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he's a chef, isn't easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he'd left turn out to be not so easily forgotten.

This is a story about love and the power of forgiveness, and how the hard choices we make define us, and change our lives.

13. Love Is a Kitten From Hell (8k)**

Louis Tomlinson passes himself off as an arrogant prick at his new school to hide the fact that he's terrified of being bullied again. Just when he's getting tired of putting up walls, he finds himself in a local pet shop where he finds a sanctuary playing with the kittens in the front window.

Harry Styles is the popular football player who works at the pet shop, secretly watching the boy he thought was utterly unlikable prove him wrong.

Partnered together for a class project, Harry gets more and more hints that Louis is actually someone worth getting to know. But the real question is, will Louis let Harry in?

14. Our Garden Grows (5k)*

Harry lives a rather mundane and dreary life, full of the same sorts of routine day in and day out.

One terribly dull and rainy day, a letter arrives from an L.T. who would very much wish for Harry to write back.

Too bad Harry can't figure out how.

15. I've Been Wandering Round (But I Still Come Back to You) (27k)

"Harry had always been beautiful, but lately he’d blossomed into this tall, sexy, man and Louis was having trouble dealing with it. And so, it seemed, were his hormones."

OR The one where Louis and Harry are best friends and co-stars on a popular television series and Louis inconveniently discovers he's in love with him in the middle of a press tour.

16. When We Were Younger (76k)**

About a week after Harry started visiting this particular chat room, he was watching some kid argue with the whole room about football, personally disinterested as he tipped a bag of crisps into his mouth. He happily chomped on the crumbs, taking a swig from a glass of Ribena to wash them down, glancing at the screen and very nearly spat the squash back out again.

His heart was pounding wildly. The display icon of the argumentative newcomer had caught his eye, and not in a good way. He gulped as he clicked the picture, and when it popped up in full resolution, his heart nearly fell right out of his arse.

Sixteen year old Harry Styles’ world turns upside down when he logs on to gay teen chat to discover somebody has stolen his photos and used them as their own.

17. Can't Start A Fire Without A Spark (22k)**

Louis Tomlinson is the pop sensation with his first new single out since taking a personal hiatus from the spotlight. Harry is a paparazzi hired to photograph him during promo. Louis hates paparazzi with a passion, but there’s just something about the pretty young pap with wide green eyes and chocolate curls that Louis can’t shake from his head.

18. ‘Til I Tasted You (14k)*

Louis is Harry Styles' biggest fan. It doesn't matter that Harry is famous for being a food blogger and Louis can't cook to save his life.

At least, until Harry offers to give Louis a cooking lesson. Then it matters just a teensy bit.

19. Life Was a Song, You Came Along (37k)**

It's embarrassing how long it takes Louis to recognize his own song. Niall had sung it as a bright, hopeful love song, and that’s honestly how Louis had always assumed it should sound. But this new voice, slow and rough, stripped of any backing instrument, has infused the lyrics with just the tumultuous mix of fear and defiance that Louis can remember so clearly from the night he wrote them.

It’s not a comfortable thing, to feel like someone is singing all your secrets back to you.

Louis is a songwriter trapped in a lie that could ruin his best friend's career. Harry owns a record store, distrusts everyone in the music industry on principle, but loves Niall Horan's newest album. A modern retelling of Singin' in the Rain.

find my other monthly fic recs here

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symphonyofmars · 6 years ago

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NaNo 2018

So I guess I could do a little NaNoWrimo update since we're now 4 days in. If not for the people who read my fics (all 6 of you) then at least for myself so I can look at it later like "aww, look how well I did" or "hmm, that's where I went wrong."

When I did NaNo later year I ended 20k short of what I wanted. It was my first year and I didn't really know what I was doing, I had a pretty good idea because I had looked up a bunch of "How to Do the NaNos" type blogposts that were pretty helpful. I think my main problem was my Perpetual Problem in which I know how a story should start and how I want it to end, but I have no idea how to get from point A to point B. I didn't really have an outline for it either, on account of not knowing the middle, and it was also a historical fiction so I had to keep stopping writing so I could do research, or had to write a scene with the reaearch open as well so I could get it as historically accurate as possible. So both of those things slowed me down a lot. I would like to return to it at some point, once I've figured out WHAT THE FUCK happens in the middle.

Yes, I said both.

Anyway,

This year I remembered NaNo with three days to spare and thus had no time for Preptober, which was kind of okay because both of the things are things I was working on.

I am using NaNo to finish two fanfics I've been working on: House of the Dead (which I have been uploading), and Cold Hands, Warm Heart (still not sure if I want that to be "Heart" or "Hearts", which I've only uploaded the first chapter as a teaser).

I wake up at 4am, originally I had done so so I had two hours of weightlifting before work since work makes me so tired I can't concentrate on anything else after, but I burned myself out after a few weeks, though I kept waking up early (lately, I had been watching Critical Role in that time because I NEED TO CATCH UP and neither of the D&D games were really running so I was living vicariously through the Mighty Nein). I really like waking up at 4am because it means I have two whole hours to myself where it's quiet and no one bothers me (and I'm not at work), and so when I realized it was almsot November I realized I could use it for NaNoWriMo time.

So last Sunday I fixed a nice white russian, got a little drunk, and FURIOUSLY SCRIBBLED OUT THE OUTLINES FOR BOTH STORIES ON A YELLOW NOTEPAD (you know the kind). Like, angrily, as if I was defying all of time and creation itself, I wrote out what happened in both fics. TRIUMPHANTLY, I took my bounty of ideas, plopped them on my desk and went to sleep, and then didn't look at the for like a day and ended up having to bring the pad to work so I could type it all up before November actually started. There might be one or two unknowns, but that's a lot better than most of the story being unknown.

One of the "Everybody Do The NaNo" articles that I read said it's SUPER HELPFUL to know exactly what you're writing about before you go to write it. Like, specifically what the scene is, and I've been doing that too; looking at my outline and elaborating in bullet-list form before I close the document for the night.

In all, I've been doing about 2,000 words in my 4am session, and then I'll write more later in the day if I have any extra ideas or whatever. I set my end goal as 60k rather than 50k, since both fics need about 30k to make it to 50k-60k (in the end House of the Dead might end up being longer than Cold Hands, Warm Heart), so my daily goal is 2000k and I've been surpassing pretty consistantly. It's Sunday now, and I think I've actually surpassed my Tuesday goal already and that's without any extra writing for the day. I hope to be able to keep this up at least for the first hald of the month since the last week is going to be a shitshow with the holiday.

But... anyway... yeah. I'm pretty happy with my progress so far. I hope to spend December editing and then I can start uploading right after.

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almaasi · 8 years ago

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Hello! I'm an amateur writer and a lover of your fanfics! (THEY ARE PERFECTION!) I was wondering how long it normally take for you to write your stories? Sometimes I've been writing for an entire afternoon and then realize I've only written 500 words. It can be frustrating, especially, when it's only a rough draft.

hi there~ (replying 4 days late?? sorry) (also thank you!!! glad you like my stories~)

writing for hours and realising you’ve written almost nothing is something that happens to all writers, i think. it definitely happens to me. (also 500 words ain’t bad?? i think that’s maybe a standard day’s writing for writers who aren’t fic writers)

so. basing this solely on my currently published+completed works: from the point of writing the first word, to the point where i hit publish on ao3, my fics can take me anywhere from 1.5 hours (What's a Hickey?) to 8 months (Angelhawke - although almost all of that was written in a 2.5 month block, the rest was procrastinating and editing). and an average of 4 months isn’t even correct, given the massive expanses of time between some fics.

when i actually get to typing, and the world disappears and i become one with the keyboard, i type about 1,000 words per hour. more if it’s largely dialogue or a sex scene, because for some reason that goes faster. less, if i’m tired or i’m writing a block of narrative text. (again, 500 words is perfectly reasonable, anon. you crafted those 500 words with great effort. therefore they are worthy words.)

when I was writing Angelhawke I was writing 8 to 10k per night. it was the most bizarre, intense, and mentally freeing part of my life, hands down. i did nothing except write, eat, and sleep. but you know what? that was perfect. because for two years prior, all i’d done was eat and sleep. writing Angelhawke filled a void in my soul that has never become fully empty since, even at my worst times. (is this relevant? i dunno. but 8 to 10k is a HELL OF A LOT, even for me. one night i even did 12k and i have no idea how, i think i typed for 14 hours straight. nowadays i count 5k as impressive, 4k as a good point to stop if i’m tired.)

fff i wish i could just answer “lol a long time” but I’M REALLY BAD AT SHORT ANSWERS. the answer varies so much as well!!! you deserve an accurate answer dammit, and besides that i’m kinda interested too

also i should note that i’m not really sure what the concept of a “rough draft” involves, since i’ve never worked like that. i just put the whole thing down and tweak until i’m happy. (i lost marks in school for this. teachers want complete rewrites and AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT, especially now when my work is often novel-length.) sometimes i’ll scrap a scene if i’m stuck and take the story a little way in another direction, but i’ll never write the same scene a second time. i mean, if it didn’t work the first time, i’m not doing it again. i don’t even understand how rewriting is meant to help. (wouldn’t you just end up with the same words again?? if the same thing happens???) (in case it’s not obvious, i failed all my classes at school. i’m good at writing, i’m not good at knowing how to do things the way teachers like)

in comparison:

Try-Something Tuesday (42k) took me five days, while Drop Anchor (also 42k) took me about 2.5 months.

Welcome All Winchesters (60k) took me 2 months + about a week, and i deleted a third of what i wrote. Held in Your Tender Hands (59.8k) took me 4 months almost to the day, including a month’s break.

Shadows Across the Camera Lens (13.7k) took me two days, each day being six months apart, and then a couple days of editing. Roost (12k) took me exactly a month, writing for only 6 of those days. (which is weird, ‘cause i remember it taking two days right next to each other. i must’ve enjoyed it so much it made time fly.)

the time a fic takes is so completely relevant to my health at the time. if i were healthy i’d probably write more consistently. i honestly have no idea how long it takes anyone else to write, but i’m trying really hard not to compare, because the only person whose record i need to beat is my own. and even then, i gotta learn to go easy on myself, because if i don’t meet my own ridiculously high standards all the time, i’m just going to be miserable. to all writers, especially struggling or chronically ill writers, i recommend being gentle with yourself, and making your goals relative to your current ability, not anyone else’s, and not your previous self’s.

tl;dr -- at a guess, excluding outliers, the average fic probably takes me about a week. maybe. that’s probably wrong. i’m always probably wrong. spoiler alert, i am not a credible source for my own information. and i’m really bad at answering messages, both concisely and on time.

ALSO I HIT 1400 AO3 SUBSCRIBERS WHILE TYPING THIS AND GOING TO MY STATS PAGE FOR LINKS THANK YOU THAT WAS FUN TO SEE

#THIS IS WHY I SO RARELY ANSWER MESSAGES how the hell do you respond to a thoughtful question with a one-sentence reply #I'M SORRY EVERYONE WHO SENDS ME THINGS I NEVER RESPOND TO #also fyi i never check the instant messaging thing so if you've sent me a message that way i haven't seen it #oh god i'm terrible i'm so sorry #anon #replies #Elmie writes things #Destiel #Destiel fanfic #long post #milestones #OH DEAR GOD THIS IS SO LONG WHY AM I LIKE THIS #Anonymous

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mindfulrunner · 7 years ago

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#54: daring greatly: mississauga race report

the seed: rebellious child

I have a sassy, rebellious, high-energy toddler and I am still at heart a sassy, rebellious, high-strung child. I signed up for the Mississauga full as an act of rebellion. He was sick, and I was covered in snot and tired out of my gourd, but I did it anyway.

I thought: f*** it. I tempted fate.

Even though I have a rebellious streak, I fear and respect the marathon, and situations and circumstances I fear and respect tend to bring out the best in me. So that f*** it was also a tiny prayer: may I dig, dig, dig. May I get the most out of myself. Inspired by the openness of Shalane Flanagan and Gwen Jorgensen, I also put out my ambitious, challenging, yet within reach goal: to PB and break 3:07.

training: the limiting factor

Training this cycle went well overall, except for a major limiting factor: illness. Elliot picked up virus after virus at daycare, and I seemed to get every single one, except they lasted twice as long for me, and instead of taking off sick days to rest and take care of myself, I took them off to take care of him. Between January and May, I was sick with three upper respiratory tract infections (URTI) the flu (first time getting this in many years), and 3 GI viruses (at least one of the GI bugs was food poisoning, I think). In previous cycles, I got URTIs a couple of times that lingered, I assume because I chose to train through them, as long as I didn’t have a fever and my energy levels were OK. This year, the first of these infections struck just one week after seeing my naturopathic doctor at the end of January and telling her my immunity was great. Figures.

I was sick, or caring for Elliot, pretty much all of February, and I was intensely frustrated. At the same time, I was wrapping up a huge 5-month project at work that was overdue, and trying to maintain some fitness, mostly by running easy. Typically, I would feel OK after easy runs, but then the day after a harder effort like a long run or workout, I’d feel worse, and ease off again. On two occasions I took longer stretches off – 3 or 4 days— but had a hard time taking a full week off, which is what I probably should’ve done. My issue was I have zero faith in my immune system, and didn’t quite believe I’d get totally better with that amount of time off, since even when I’m not training colds and infections often last well over a week. In February, I averaged just 60k a week, ran only one proper long run of 28k, and 3 workouts total. In my last marathon cycle, I averaged 100+, hit all my long runs and workouts.

I raced the Chilly half sick at the beginning of March, another questionable life choice, and somehow ran a PB. It felt very hard from 6k on, which was early for me to push, and it was the first time in a long time I questioned my ability to complete a race. I coughed for a good five minutes straight at the end uncontrollably. In that moment, I really regretted what I had just done and had no joy in the PB, assuming I would get pneumonia or something, and screw over my work and family even more. Going into it, I wasn’t even sure I was going to race, but when I began to pick up the pace, I got competitive, wanted the PB, and somehow performed beyond my fitness and circumstances. Getting 100% out of myself on race day, despite only having 70-80% in my training, became my focus going into the marathon. I also figured if I could run 90 minutes on pretty bad training, the equivalent of a 3:09 marathon, I had a very good shot of PBing and, on a good day, maybe even running in the low 3s.

I got lucky and oddly enough actually felt better after racing Chilly. In March I averaged 94k per week, and in April I averaged 94k again. However, I only ran 7 weeks over 80k, and 6 of those were over 90k. In the last marathon cycle, I ran 12 weeks over 90k. So my overall build was not, for me, high-mileage. Workouts went OK. I ran marathon pace tempos between 4:21 and 4:25 pace. 4:21 felt too hard and 4:23 began to feel like the sweet spot. I had some craptacular long runs and workouts, and I noticed that these were occurring during the high-hormone, mid-luteal phase of my menstrual cycle. That started to psych me out, as the marathon fell on the same day. For more info, check this out:

pre-race: zero chill workin’ mom

The week before the marathon, a colleague abruptly went on vacation, which added an unexpected amount of stress to my workweek. Jeff was on days, which meant I was responsible for both pick-ups and drop-offs to daycare, which was also a little challenging, since Elliot seemed to be going through a period of separation anxiety again: he literally wouldn’t let go of my hand at daycare, and it broke my heart to pry his little fingers off one by one. Major mom guilt.

Taking over my colleague’s duties meant I was responsible for a project with a noon deadline the Monday after the race. F*** THAT, I thought. I worked my butt off to get it finished up as best as I could by Friday, putting in a 13-hour day, and dealing with Elliot, who was still not doing great: really fussy and clingy. I did not even have the time or presence of mind to properly track my carbs that day, although I think I got in around 500g.

After an awful night in terms of sleep, stress, and— OK I’ll admit it— a piss-poor attitude on Friday, I was super grumpy and lazed around all day Saturday. Jeff brought Elliot in to the walk-in and it turned out he had a nasty ear infection, poor dude, so I was concerned about him as well and cancelled the post-race party at our house. We called in reinforcements, and my mom agreed to come in the morning to watch him, so Jeff could still come to the race.

It was only at 5pm that I properly started getting my head into the race. I realized all my gels and nutrition contained caffeine, so I zipped to the Runner’s Shop for some non-caffeinated ones and also picked up a sweet pair of Goodr sunglasses since I wasn’t totally sure where my normal running ones were. Then I returned home and got my bag and clothes ready with Elliot. Instead of being in bed by 9 as I should’ve, I made a pace cheat sheet with my goal 5, 10, 15, half, 25, and 30k times, as well as directions for the final really tricky with a bunch of twists and turns. I wrote out the directions moreso to ease my anxiety about the course, which I practiced running the previous week. I don’t think I fell asleep until late, maybe midnight, and was up at 4:40 to scarf down my oats.

execute: PB or bust

My goal was to PB. I didn’t care if I blew up. And I was a bit greedy. I wanted to run 3:03-3:04. I wanted to be well within striking distance of a fall sub-3. I wanted to prove this was my distance, this is where I shine. No plan B.

the race: hello glycogen depletion my old friend

Morning of, the temperatures were looking a bit warmer than expected, so I got a little nervous. And as with the Ottawa Marathon, I couldn’t properly go to the bathroom which was so weird. I wonder if carb loading messes up my digestion?

My teammate picked me up and we drove the short 30 minutes to the finish line to take the shuttle to the start. We missed our exit, and I ended up not really listening to my pre-race visualization and jams properly. At the start, I changed and immediately lined up for the bathroom and again tried to go but couldn’t. I very briefly warmed up, just 1k with a few strides, before searching for my teammates, Jake and Gar, who were going to run a similar pace. The plan was to start out at 4:23, but Gar was quicker after a few kms, so Jake and I let him go. Neither Jake or I felt great from the outset. We both had a shin issue that migrated into a hip issue, and I my calf started to cramp at 5k. However, I stayed calm, if not positive, knowing that marathons are long and these things can majorly shift. I especially tried to take the downhills in a controlled way to avoid slapping and aggravating my shin again.

As usual, the GPS watch just provided a guesstimate. This guesswork does tend to add some mystery and suspense into the effort, as I’m never totally sure if I’m hitting my goal, even if the numbers say I am, and I usually try a bit harder just in case. However, feeling that Gar was a very controlled pacer, and wondering why he’d gone ahead when he’d only wanted 3:05, I grew concerned we were running too slow. Between 8-14 k there were a few faster kilometres: 4:15, 4:17, etc. At 14k, I pulled out my sheet with the split times and some older women spectating chirped, “You don’t need a map, honey”, but the sheet told me that we were running well under our goal pace, that Gar was fast, and not to worry about him and just do our own thing.

From that point on, Jake and I took turns leading until about 24-25k when I was officially slowing and starting to feel pretty crappy and let him go.

I don’t fully remember why I was slowing, if it was just overall discomfort or a negative mindset, or if my calf or hip were bothering me more. But I remember consciously letting him go, yet wanting to keep him in sight, and beginning to feel like the race was slipping from my control. I remember too, trying to quiet the needling thought: this is too early to feel so bad. I must’ve quieted most of my thoughts successfully, because I don’t really remember much about the next hour of the race. Maybe I lost focus? Or maybe I was incredibly focused on just hanging on. I don’t remember.

Something I struggled with that I could have controlled, maybe because I was distracted by what my teammates were doing and not running my own race, was fueling. I didn’t have a written plan, didn’t take the little baby bottles (literally baby bottles, ha ha!) of Maurten Jeff handed me, and didn’t take Gatorade at every station as I did at Ottawa. I think I took 4 gels total. I began to bonk around 34, 35k pretty hard. My watch was mostly in the low 4:30s, whereas I had wanted it in the low 4:20s. Around 35k, my heart rate also dropped according to Garmin? I’m still wondering if this was a fluke.

It was suit of armor hard, like in my first marathon. But I was reassured by the fact I was breathing pretty well, which to me signified it was still a manageable, if intense, effort. Not dead yet. I don’t think I took in any fuel after 37k, which again was silly, but I finally took one of the little bottles Jeff handed to me just prior to that. After 37, the effort to take Gatorade or a gel at that point seemed overwhelming. I need to learn to mentally prepare to work with this feeling and override it.

Luckily, during this period of bonking and serious effort, I did focus mentally, since I had women around me I was competing with. One woman in blue was wearing headphones and had very strong surges; we ran alongside each other for parts beginning at about 34k. We eventually caught up to a woman in black, who looked strong and was being paced by 2 male runners. I took their encouragement to her as my own “You’re doing great” and “Now’s the time to push if you have anything left” and we played cat and mouse a bit. I took the tangents straight, a bit aggressively, elbows a little out.

Because the course was so twisty, I did not have the finish line in sight until the last 100m or so, although I could hear the crowds. Finally, with about 20m-50m to go, my competitor in black, who I later learned was named Karoline, had a huge kick but I somehow responded (despite apparently not using my arms at all!) and caught her at the line and came 4th woman by 1/10 of a second. My teammates were pleased I put on a funny show at the end.

I had snuck under my PB of 3:07:36 by 50 seconds, running 3:06:46. It was a satisfying result, looking back, but I still somehow felt I’d messed up the race and felt a bit deflated, if not disappointed. Immediately after I felt terrible and needed my puffer in my bag, so I just focused on getting that instead of soaking in the accomplishment as much.

Next time, I will be more grateful. PBs are PBs, and they don’t come forever.

But there are things to improve: higher mileage. Immunity. Fuelling. Form.

after: and when it was bad it was horrid

After the race: I. Was. Trashed. Possibly worse than after my first full. My calves and quads were dead, my lips were blue for a good hour despite wearing multiple layers, my cough was bad, and my old groin injury had somehow resurfaced. I was a GD mess. I was in pain standing and walking, but afraid to sit and cramp up.

Nothing looked more appealing than a woman, probably late 50s, laying on the grass with her legs up and feet on the trash can. I laid next to her and we chatted and both had the sillies and shared some jokes and stories. She asked my time and I asked hers. She was late to running, and expressed joy at discovering it later in life. She asked me “how’s your mind”? And I said, “Fine. I think. But you know. I shouldn’t drive” and we both cracked up laughing. She had a beautiful laugh. It was probably my favourite moment in the race besides…

BESDIES MY TEAMMATES ABSOLUTELY CRUSHING IT. Jake, Heidi, Martina, and others had absolutely mind-blowing races. I was elated for them.

Walking to the truck wasn’t possible, so after I picked up my age category prize (4th overall, 1st in age group), we walked a little until Jeff got the truck and drove back to get me. Congratulatory texts and posts started streaming in. The satisfaction of the accomplishment moreso came to me secondhand.

gone gone beyond gone.

During the race, the heart sutra surfaced. Gate (pronounced: gah-eh), gate, paragate para sam gate, bodhi svaha!

I first learned it after I listened to Michael Stone’s podcast during a cold, wintery sidewalk run in the suburbs at my parents’ house. In the podcast, Michael said it’s a very good sutra to say after someone has died; for me it comes up in the blank part of a run that’s just effort, where I’m struggling to settle back into it and just accept. Instead I cling to it for distraction, for something to hold on to. One last clinging thing. I also just like the rhythm of it. It’s like counting to eight again and again in a run, but better.

We chanted it at Spirit Loft and at Downward Dog after Michael died in his memory.

Sometimes it arises out of nowhere, which was what happened in the race. Michael translated it as: gone, gone, beyond gone, across the other shores (the tone of “across to the other shores” is a bit celebratory because of the “svaha!” like a bit of a hooray thrown in).

After the result on the car ride home, I squirmed and fished around, looking to find what was gone, struggling to settle in my accomplishment, in the extreme effort of crossing to the other shore.

I texted my brother, and Jeff previously texted my mom. Fourth woman sounds kinda cool, and it’s the type of thing non-runners usually find more interesting than running a certain time. Maybe what I needed was the validation. I scrolled through the congratulatory messages I received, searching there too. Trying to find the hooray on the other shore, the bit of joy. But I couldn’t.

The truth is I always feel a peach pit in my throat and ache in my chest after a race since my dad died. A text was never sufficient for the depth and breadth of his enthusiasm for my running. He would want a phone call with a detailed play-by-play. He would’ve looked up the result. He probably would’ve been there, cheering, telling me to kick butt. He would have gasped with amazement and interest that I’d outkicked someone at the line with an “Em-chen! You’re kiddin’!” and a big WOW, and would’ve called me “fast twitch” in the next few emails or texts he sent me.

I didn’t make the mistake of trying to search for my dad in my mom. They are different. I am growing. I didn’t begrudge her for not being him. The night before the race, she told Jeff that after my dad ran his first marathon, she let him know she wouldn’t support him running them anymore. I asked her about it when we got home from the race, curious but also already knowing why. She said, “It’s too extreme, the training takes too much time, you get too thin. My friends were asking what was wrong with him, he got to 145 lbs. 10ks, those are fine. But I said, with three little kids, we wouldn’t come to your races. You could do it on your own time. But we won’t support it.”

At one time I would’ve seen a jab in these words, a pin to deflate my victory balloons, which were already pretty sad and deflated. But now I frame it as touching: a mother’s concern, her sharp attention, even though I am grown up now, noticing and worrying about the lines in my face, the cough that won’t go away, the apparent lack of rest and pleasure in my life, the strange seriousness and intensity of my hobbies.

I sent her a text thanking her again for her help with Elliot and explaining, “I know running isn’t the most pleasant/healthiest hobby but for me it is very exciting to discovery athleticism, teammates, and a sport I have some skill at. Really really appreciative of your help.” She responded, “You are welcome. Glad you were happy with results. My bias will always be for optimal health. Which everyone perceives differently.”

My dad perceived optimal health differently than her, too. He sprinted the last part of his easy runs with his running mates, racing for fun. He always beat Rob, and mostly beat Sean. He ate the burger and the chips. He sometimes had the extra drink. He got chippy in the corners at hockey and didn’t control his emotions very well at all when fishing or playing golf. From the outside, his leisure time sometimes looked stressful. He had a rebellious streak, too. And he savoured the juices of life.

shore up

I am my father and my mother. I am the rebellious, intense child, but also the patient, steadfast mother. I don’t want to run reckless. I try and do things that impact Elliot the least: lunch runs, run commutes, 5:00am runs while he is sleeping. I don’t want to compromise my long-term health in a serious way, or my connections with Jeff and Elliot. I don’t think I am.

But I can’t deny I’m curious. I’m hungry. I’m keenly interested in limits. I want to be a student of limits. There is a spark here, there is a flame. I’m protective of it. I want to tend to it.

As a teenager and in my twenties, I shrank myself to accommodate my parents’ expectations. Risk-taking was out of sight, never in the open. The dark parts of my personality were hidden away the best that I could and came out in sulking and silence. My seriousness and intensity came out in academics, the secret crushes I had, and maybe our political and philosophical arguments around the dinner table, but I didn’t express it openly in my hobbies. I wrote but always in secret. I wrote with expletives, experimentally, raw and weird and my mom came across my blog once, the F bombs and all, and was shocked and disturbed, and never again followed any of us on social media. I published a poem but later requested it be removed from a website, ashamed of my rawness. I hemmed up all my raw edges.

But my goal this year is to neither puff myself up, press on foolishly headlong into bad decisions, stubborn and imagining myself so alone, nor shrink into the background resentfully, obediently, and only do-- on the surface-- what’s normal or expected or desired from others.

Neither puff up nor shrink. But also ask: why not me?

I see no reason I can’t achieve big goals.

I see no reason I can’t go sub-3.

I say this neither puffed up with ego, or shriveled with shame about the intensity of my own interests, the extremeness of my personality that befuddles and perhaps annoys others, even those I love the most.

So many of the skills I have as a runner– equanimity, understanding and maintaining boundaries, mental toughness, a desire to research, detachment, a deeper spiritual faith or purpose underlying my actions, the deeply joyful appreciation of nature on the trails and recreational paths– all of these things come from my mother.

But some skills come from my dad, too: taking corners aggressively with elbows out, the cycling between anxiety and excitement, the runner’s high, the chicken-leg calves, the competitive show-boat streak, the hacking cough, the imagination running wild late at night or at work with fantasies of fast finishes and faster times and unimaginable improvement.

The fascination with something like the heart sutra appearing unannounced at the end of a hard effort? Well, that one is the best. And that one is both of them.

I am a blend of the two, one measured and questioning, one seeking and a little recklessly enthusiastic.

And I am so much more: a mother, a partner, a sister, a teammate, a spiritual seeker.

Why not me?

#mississauga marathon #mother runner #race report

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ngtrend-network · 8 years ago

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19 New Ways To Make $1,000 a Month Working From Home

When I first launched my blog, I wanted to make an extra $800 a month, so that I could continue to participate in my weekly exercise classes, pay for my daughter’s baby and me classes, and enjoy my weekly Starbuck's habit.

Even though I was working 10 hours a week as a social media manager, the money I made from that job covered bills, food, and my blogging expenses. To cover my extracurricular activities, I sold things online and at thrift stores, I participated in paid focus groups and even worked an occasional weekend shift at my old nursing job.

Fortunately, my blog gained traction quickly, and within three months I started earning money from it. Today my blog is my primary source of income. The point of my story is, if there is a will there is a way. If you need to make $500 a month – you can do it. If you need to make $1,000 a month — you can do it.

Here are some ideas, stories, and ways for you to get started bringing in the cash!

1. Teacher Document Creator – $500 – $1,500 a month

I am a teacher turned stay at home mom. When I first left the classroom, I discovered a website called Teachers Pay Teachers. It is an open marketplace where teachers create resources that they sell to other teachers. I joined the site and opened my own store on the site called Sara J Creations. I create and design digital activities that other  teachers, parents, tutors, etc. can purchase and download. It is an  awesome way to use the creative teacher part of my brain while getting to stay at home and raise my family. It helps keep me up to date on best practices and connect with other teachers and moms. I started out slow only earning a few dollars a month but I now earn anywhere from $500-$1,500 a month. – Sara Jonckheere

If you'd like to find out more about making money with Teachers Pay Teachers, check out this post.

2. Astrologer – $1,000 a month

I'm Astrologer and do phone readings and appear at parties doing readings. I make over $1,000 a month from working my business from my home. – Suzan Hayden

3. Pet Blogger – $1,000 a month

I currently earn $1,000 through my dog nutrition blog Keep the Tail Wagging. I write about raw feeding and dog nutrition and I make money through freelance writing, affiliate marketing, blog sponsorship and I'm now beginning to create products for sale and will be adding a membership feature to my site next month. I got started as a pet blogger, because I was so crazy about my dogs and needed an outlet other than friends and coworkers. I transitioned to writing about raw feeding in 2014 and my traffic and revenue spiked and I realized I was on to something. On average, I make $1,000 a month. – Kimberly Gauthier

4. Complete Short Tasks – $1,200 a month

Fiverr is an online platform where you post tasks that you’re willing to complete for $5.00. People sell everything from writing services, design services, voice over services, to making phone calls, and videos. Once you make a sale, Fiverr will keep of fee of $1.00 and payments will be made via PayPal. Doesn’t sound like much money? Connie Brentford is making good money on Fiverr, she even wrote an e-book about it, How I Made An Extra $1,200 Per Month At Home Using One Free Website.

5. eBay and Amazon FBA Seller – $1,200+ a month

When I first started my stay-at-home business pursuits, I began in stock trading, then added reselling on eBay, and then Amazon FBA. As I continued to add income streams, Amazon FBA stayed #1 as my personal favorite and as my most profitable income source. The first year, I started with reselling on eBay. The first month, I made $400, then $600, then $800. I worked it up to $1,200 a month working part-time, the first year. When I added Amazon FBA, I instantly doubled my income. When I went full-time, I then doubled my income again. – Tracy Smith

6. Haircare Creator – $1,000 – $2,000 a month

I've always had a big entrepreneurial spirit. However, as any mom knows, having young ones at home does not allow for much free time to pursue those passions. Many of my ideas were also very large in scope. That is, until I came up with an idea for a hair product about 18 months ago. This product concept would absorb oil and cover roots, allowing busy women more time between shampooing and salon visits. Slowly, during nap time and after the little ones were asleep, I worked on my idea, stalked beauty counters, and consulted a chemist. In 2014, I launched Saving Grace Beauty, LLC. My average monthly income is $1,000-2,000.- Erica Harriss

7. Cloth Diapering Blogger and Marketer – $1,300 a month

I started ChangeDiapers.com in 2009 as a blog about cloth diapering. Over the years I have picked up clients via word of mouth doing social media management and other marketing tasks for cloth diaper companies and D.C. area businesses. I net about $1,300 a month after expenses and taxes. – Maria Moser 8. Graphic Designer – $1,600 a month

I work from home as a graphic designer. I originally worked for the company when it was based in my home town. The company relocated and I was laid off. Later I was offered a freelance position with them. I make roughly $1,600 a month from home. – Randi Sparkman

9. Home Referral Consultant – $3,000 a month

I make more than $3,000 a month pre-screening and referring home improvement contractors. I came up with the idea for this type of service after my husband and I purchased our first home and realized how difficult it was to find reliable home improvement contractors. My business is like an outsourced sales and marketing force for local contractors and a personal concierge-type service for local homeowners. Contractors pay me a pre-negotiated commission for work secured and my service is free my clients. I've also recently launched Aging In Place Referrals as a resource for aging Baby Boomers looking for reliable contractors. – Debra Cohen

10. Freelance Writer and Blogger – $3,500 a month

I started blogging a little over two years ago about my personal financial journey. As a full-time actress, money had always been tight and I was tired of working as a waitress or babysitter just to scrape by in between gigs. As I shared my stories, I found they were resonating with people and I became increasingly involved in the personal finance world guest posting for other bloggers and pitching to media. A few months later I was offered a weekly contributor spot on US News & World Report. The position was unpaid, but my articles got picked up by major media outlets, giving me exposure and credibility. Within a few months, I was making over $1,000 each month freelance writing. Now I work for bigger corporate clients and collect proceeds from my recently released book. My income in 2015 has averaged around $3,500 a month. – Stefanie O'Connell

11. Chloe + Isabel Merchandiser – $4,000 a month

I found Chloe + Isabel when a gorgeous statement necklace was featured in Glamour magazine. When I came across the company, I wanted to switch careers. I always loved the idea of being in the fashion industry and have a really strong interest in entrepreneurs. I wanted to be my own boss and Chloe + Isabel was the perfect opportunity for me to reinvent my life. The average sales for a pop-up (show) is about $1,000. Because of Chloe + Isabel's generous commission structure for those that achieve business milestones, I earn 40% commission, so $400 a pop-up. I also manage one of the larger teams at Chloe + Isabel through our leadership team, so annually, I earn about $50,000. – Gina Lukas

12. Marketing and PR – $6,800 a month

My business is Famous in Your Field. It's a marketing and PR consulting business that I run from my home office. My clients are small business owners and professionals, based all across the U.S. I typically work from 9am to 4pm, while my two children are in school. Last year's revenues were $82,000, which works out to a monthly income of about $6,800. – Lori Nash Byron

13. Affiliate Marketing and Blogging – $7,000 – $9,000 a month

Blogging was at first a hobby for to me for a way to express my opinions. During my blogging journey which started in 2008, I learned that I could make an income from my blog through affiliate programs so I started to include affiliate links in my posts and it has become a way for me to make money from my blog. I am now making $7,000-$9,000 a month with my blog through affiliate marketing. – Louida Martin

14. Certified Online Business Manager – $8,000 a month

I started my business in 2011 working as a VA. I learned everything I possibly could and found out I had a real passion for online business systems and technology. Shortly, my business was fully booked and I hung up my bookkeeping hat. Knowing I wanted to learn more, I went from being a VA to a Certified Online Business Manager where I helped busy entrepreneurs organize, run and grow  their online business. I currently make about $8,000 a month, but when I first started part time it was around $1,000 a month. – Sara Wagners

15. Virtual Assistant – $8,300+ a month

I started my VA business December 1, 2008, and it’s been quite the journey. My hope was to replace my income (I was earning $82,000) within three years. By year two I had grossed over $60K, and by year three I had grossed more than $100K. – Michelle Mangen

16. Direct Sales Consultant – $8,300 a month

In the fall of 2000, I signed up with the direct sales company, Tastefully Simple. I have made a six figure income for years, but the intangible that is given to me through my job is more significant than the dollars. I have more friends, in more places than I ever could have imagined. I have traveled to over twenty places I would have never seen or afforded otherwise (many with my husband and totally free)!

We moved to our dream home on the water a few years ago while the kids are still home to enjoy it instead of after we retire. My three boys can not only go to college but choose where they want to go. I can’t put a price tag on financial freedom, but it is certainly an incredible deal for partying for a living – don’t you think? – Karen Huntley

17. Entrepreneurial Coach – $15,000 – $20,000+ a month

I run a business that provides training, support, and strategy consulting to doctors, therapists, coaches, thought leaders, and other idea-driven business owners. I work completely from home, although I travel regularly to speak and teach. I got started working from home after my daughter was born. My first website launched in January 2009 and I've been working on this iteration of my business for about five years. Most months, revenue for my business is about $15-$20k dollars. But it also pushes to $30-100k several times throughout the year. – Tara Gentile

18. Virtual Assistant – $30,000 a month

My company now turns over around $30,000 a month; I love to inspire other virtual assistants to go out there and really push the limits of their business which is why I have now posted two income reports, one in January this year and one from 3 years ago showing the company’s progresso. – Michelle Dale

19. Blogger and Course Creator – $90,000+ a month

I run a blog and coaching business. I make an average of $70,000 a month, and in July of 2016, I made over $112,000. I started my business on the side of my full-time job. It all started as just a blog, and then it quickly grew from there. – Michelle Schroeder

How are you making money from home?

Whichever of these practical ideas you choose, you’ll be well on your way to earning extra money in any given month.

400+ Business Ideas To Choose from to start Your Business - Click Here

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2rvfz5n

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