#but the whole “jayden being straight and even being with a girl then realizing it wasnt the truth” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

taylorkellyreporting · 3 years ago

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live-blogging is apparently something i’ll never stop doing no matter how hard i try lmfao

this right here means everything to me i don’t even care that he’s in love with claire right now if i can survive young and hungry i can survive anything

claire’s little rose cake is so cute

MY PEOPLE

e.t in a wig? 😭

“the whole thing takes place inside a closet” PLS

he saved her LIFE they’re endgame idc idc i’m believing it until it’s physically impossible

her little smile while thinking about her feelings for grant oh she’s got it bad

his little smile too? and the closed door? i know this scene probably isn’t going to be what i’m expecting but a girl can (and will) dream

“yikes! grant asked chelsea for a favor” aaand the slow burn is back on lmao

“you go first” sorry but if that were me and the thing i had to say was that i have feelings for the person i’m talking to, you bet your ass i’m going first.

ohhh the devastating realization on her face i hate it here i forgot how painful slow burns are

y’all better be writing au’s for this scene i want fics where that closed door leads to something else

“i told marley he was a little bitch, you know, flirting to get things flowing” skfjfjckcks

“easy tiger! i don’t wanna have to hose down the sofa” 😭

“the tops need bottoms, the bottoms need tops!” “they should try switching, works for me” WOAH 😭 jayden being a switch was not something i needed confirmed but good for him! good for him

they both have daddy issues lmfaooo

“oink, oink, baby!” i’m sorry???😭😭💀

chelsea and her little smile while talking about grant oh she likes him so much

yeah…

“claire is a wonderful, sweet person who deserves love” SO! DO! YOU!

“you really think i should?” oh her face i’m sick

never thought a hug between them would cause me so much pain

“and how’s your crush on grant?” i audibly gasped

solana is right, chelsea really should be single for right now. as much as i want her and grant together, she should really just go out there and have fun for a bit before committing to a relationship with anyone.

grant’s future love confession to chelsea is gonna hit so hard

there are no winners here

hoping that claire turned him down because she has feelings for someone else not because she’s scared

grant and chelsea in their pining eras except grant’s pining for claire! :) smiling :) through :) the :) pain :)

when we get a future scene where grant acts like an idiot in love with chelsea i will know peace

“thank you glaad co-chair” 😭😭

if grant ends up on the same dating app and matches with chelsea literally nothing will convince me that they aren’t endgame sorry

well. forgot that he’s a hot guy with people lined up to date him lmao

“on the one hand, kinda boho. on the other, kinda homo.” help 😭

pause! tapping into the delusional shipper side of me for a moment. did grant seem…idk. not too thrilled when chelsea was telling him about the guy she was talking to? like his facial expression’s were a bit off…

“you’re supposed to be straight-bait, not conversion therapy” the laugh i just let out please 😭

“my sister and i will each have a gin & tonic. in one glass. with two straws” oh what in the f.r.i.e.n.d.s. is going on here?

the twirl 😭😭

“houston, we have a homo” jayden really is the funniest bitch on this show argue with the wall

that “wtf?” look chelsea and grant just shared lmfao

oh i hope this continues to work out for jayden he deserves it truly

awww shit. she does have feelings for grant

kay she says one thing but her face says another. hoping this dave dude helps her move on cos they could be so cute together

just date each other

“goodnight, grant.” “goodnight, chelsea.” sjfjfjfnjd mutually pining era coming soon????

i know grant feels something for her, i know he does. his facial expressions say everything without him ever actually having to say anything

oh this opening scene means everything to me

oh jayden definitely had a glow up

their drinking game is something i’d totally play

chelsea is terrible at this 😭

chelsea immediately caving and saying she’ll play the game all because grant put his hand on her back and said it’d mean so much to him if she played??? oh she’s weak for him she’s down so bad and who can blame her

“you’ve been talking about her all day” HA!

oh his face after saying he’s just excited for chelsea to join in…my man had a feelings realization huh?

so most of this episode is going to be them running around looking for cody mail? i know it’s gonna be hilarious

his gnome? 😭

i too would break the law if grant walked up to me like that

“ramona and i were roommates but to me she was…so much more” the chelsgrant of it all

anyone: *talks*

me: how can i make this about chelsgrant?

THE GLANCE GRANT THREW AT CHELSEA AFTER CODY SAID HE FELL IN LOVE WITH RAMONA??? ENDGAME BITCHES

i hope they’re right about ramona cos i don’t think cody is gonna handle the broken heart well

YOU’RE ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE

i am on such a high right now

his mother?? 😭💀

that dance scene is comedy gold

oh that scene between jayden and jasmine was everything!! i hope the writers continue to grow their relationship throughout the series

chelsea working out with grant i’m gonna love this

not solana gaslighting jayden and claire 😭

knew she wasn’t in a cult but solana practicing law again was not something that i was expecting

her real name is alison. okay.

I COULD JUST KISS YOU RIGHT NOW

just took the sharpest intake of breath

SHUT THE FUCK UP

the writers are sick. just sick.

that opening scene made my heart stop and for what

ohhhhhhhh this hurts

my guy got rejected by both sisters i just know he’s sick

awww grant and clair had a meet cute 🥺

she most likely still has feeling for him and i’m most likely going to fling myself off a building 😃

“he’s not dead like we were hoping” fngjfjdks

“and we’re back, baby, hell yes!” why is this grandpa literally me

“this is all such a mess” you have no idea

“if i sit here any longer, i’m gonna kiss you” do it! do it! i am begging you to do it!

ohhh my girl’s so happy why does it have to end 😩

WHAT. THE. FUCKKKK!!!??!?!?!?!

well that cliffhanger is going to be all i think about for the coming future 🙃 not losing hope. like i said earlier, it’s about the slow burn. we’ll get there eventually! chelsea and grant’s dynamic and chemistry is too good to do nothing with. it’s the long con.

this show is hilarious and i truly hope it comes back for a season two bc it deserves it.

#pretty smart #netflix pretty smart #pretty smart netflix #pretty smart lb #chelsea x grant #grant x chelsea #chelsea x claire #emily osment #gregg sulkin #olivia macklin #cinthya carmona #michael hsu rosen #long post

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azozzoni · 4 years ago

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I must hate myself for posting when no one reads but. Based off this giftset ‘cause I can. - Another VDS christmas fic.

Glittering lights shone against the backdrop of the main square, the scent of pine, mulled wine, and imminent snow in the air as Jens stood at the entrance of the Christmas market. In theory, it wasn’t any different from any other Christmas market Jens had visited in his life. But in reality, it was nowhere near the same.

Stalls selling everything from candles to tea to sweets and jewelry spread out before him, drawing customers like moths to a flame. Cheery Christmas songs permeated the chatter of the crowd through loudspeakers placed throughout the market and still, Jens didn’t move.

He could only stand there and think, cold hands in his pockets, wishing he’d thought to bring a hat or gloves. Wishing that he’d thought almost at all before jumping on the bus to Utrecht.

It wasn’t necessarily that he hadn’t thought. He’d been thinking about this for months. Not the Christmas market or the seemingly endless bus ride over or the impossibly happy couples milling all around him. But the way his heart jumped into his throat when he caught sight of Lucas weaving his way through the crowd.

Lucas hadn’t changed, was Jens’ first thought. Not that he had really expected him to in the few months since Jens had last seen him. Maybe his hair was a little longer, a little darker, but otherwise, he looked almost exactly the same as that last day he had come to the skatepark to say goodbye.

It was a day Jens remembered vividly, even if nothing significant had happened. There had been some slapping of shoulders on Moyo’s part, a heartfelt hug from Robbe, and an awkward embrace Jens sort of wished he could redo on his part.

It was almost as awkward as the text Jens had sent Lucas earlier, saying he would be in Utrecht later. He hadn’t even asked if Lucas was busy, relieved when Lucas had replied excitedly and told him to come to the market.

Now that he was here, watching Lucas draw closer, he couldn’t help wonder what the fuck he was doing.

Before he could go over the events that had led him to this exact spot, to jumping on the first bus he found to Utrecht without much of a second thought, Lucas was there, standing in front of him, a smile on his face, and Jens’ heart was seizing in his chest, all fluttery nerves and anxiety he hadn’t expected somehow.

“Hey,” Lucas said, softly, and it was all Jens could do to swallow down the lump rising in his throat.

“Hi,” he breathed, the word appearing in a cloud of breath in the icy night air.

Jens had had many months to imagine this particular moment—and not a single one had involved him acting like an idiot as they stood there, the Christmas market busy behind Lucas, the cold street behind Jens, as if they stood on the brink of something magical.

“It’s been a while,” he said finally, and Lucas only smiled.

It had been almost five months, Jens realized, since Lucas had told him he was moving back to Utrecht to live with his mom. They hadn’t even gotten the whole summer to hang out. Lucas had only moved to Antwerp in the spring, shown up at school one day in March, been sat next to Jens in English class and whispered the answer to the teacher’s question under his breath when Jens blanked.

That had been the beginning of a beautiful friendship, as Moyo might have mockingly called it once or twice. It had definitely been the beginning of something Jens hadn’t expected.

As he hesitated, he felt it again—the way his stomach churned like a ship at sea, a clench as Lucas’ smile quirked, gentle.

“Do you want to get out of here?” he said finally, hopeful. He hadn’t really had a plan, a thought about what he might say when faced with Lucas. He’d just known that he needed to see Lucas.

Lucas’ smile widened as he nodded. “Yeah, sure, I—”

“Luc!” Another voice interrupted him before Jens’ hopes could grow too big, a guy in a puffy white coat lumbering through the crowd to grab onto Lucas’ arm. “I need mulled wine!”

Lucas’ glance at Jens was apologetic, partially amused as he dislodged the guy from his arm. Jens wasn’t really listening to what the guy said next, some other name, a complaint about not being drunk enough.

“I’ll be right back,” Lucas said as the guy dragged him off, and Jens couldn’t complain.

He needed that minute, he thought as Lucas disappeared into the crowd. He needed that minute to get himself together. It might have been a whim coming here, but it felt as if he’d meant to do it for a while. It wasn’t just a particularly depressing day between Robbe talking nonstop about the Christmas party he and Sander were planning, Aaron and Amber always making out everywhere. Even Moyo seemed lovestruck by Noor, of all people. How had Jens become the odd one out?

Even though Lucas had moved away months ago, Jens hadn’t forgotten him. The others, they’d mentioned him once or twice, but Jens felt as if he thought about Lucas at least once a day. He was sure the others didn’t. And it had taken him a long time to figure out why.

Huddled in his jacket, Jens shook his head, glancing around at the different booths. They all seemed so cheery, brightly-lit and emanating warmth that spilled onto the people wandering between them.

“Sorry.” Lucas appeared again, slightly out of breath, as if maybe he’d hurried back. “I pawned Jayden off on someone else.”

“It’s cool.” Jens shrugged, just glad Lucas had come back. Not that he’d thought he wouldn’t.

“You want to get a drink or a waffle or something?” Lucas asked after a second, and maybe he was a little nervous too.

“I’m good,” Jens said, and Lucas nodded. There was an awkward pause for a second as Jens wished he’d come with a plan. “Maybe we could just wander around.”

“Okay,” Lucas agreed, falling into step with Jens.

It hadn’t been this awkward before, when they’d hung out practically every day in Antwerp. Their friendship had felt so easy then, as if they’d known each other forever. They’d texted since Lucas had left, maybe once or twice a week, but nowhere near as often as before.

As they passed a stand selling hot cider, Jens glanced over at Lucas, and Lucas caught his eye with a smile.

“So how are the guys?” Lucas asked after a minute, and Jens jerked his shoulders.

“The same, mostly. Moyo’s in love with Noor but she kind of hates him.”

Lucas laughed, face lighting up, and Jens had forgotten what that felt like—a punch to the gut, the sudden onset of something churning deep inside him. It had taken him far too long to figure out what that meant, and now it was even worse.

“How’s your mom?” he asked to distract himself from the way his heart thrummed in his chest. “Last time we talked, you said she was doing better.”

Lucas nodded, hands in his pockets, elbow bumping into Jens’ as they squeezed past people crowded around a booth.

“I think we finally found medication that works. And she’s going to therapy a couple times a week. She’s back to working like normal. It’s good.” He nodded again, watching Jens.

“And I guess being home doesn’t suck?”

Lucas laughed, ducking his head. “It’s nice to be back. I did miss my friends, even if they’re assholes half the time.” He glanced at Jens, pausing. “Although I don’t think I ever told you how grateful I was that you guys let me into your group so easily.”

It hadn’t been that hard to convince anyone, Jens thought. Lucas had been cool from the minute they’d met, laid-back and easy going at least on the surface.

“Nah,” he said easily, wandering with Lucas through the different stalls, not really paying attention to what they were selling. “I think they liked you better than me.”

“That’s not true,” Lucas protested, grinning, and Jens shrugged. “How’s Sander doing?”

“He’s good,” Jens said, though he wished they weren’t talking about other people. He hadn’t really come here to catch Lucas up on what was going on in Antwerp. Lucas could easily find out on his own, but the small talk was easier than forming the words that had been swirling in Jens’ brain for months, ever since Lucas left.

He hadn’t clocked it back when Lucas had first moved to Antwerp. He hadn’t even really noticed the weird way his stomach would get all jittery and anxious whenever Lucas smiled at him until months into knowing him. He’d only ever gotten those feelings with girls, and really, only with Jana.

He’d thought it might go away when Lucas left, that they’d become those friends who liked each other’s posts on Instagram and nothing else. But the texting hadn’t stopped, and the feelings deep inside Jens had clawed their way to the surface after many sleepless nights, some stealth searching for gay porn in the dead of night, some stalking of Lucas’ Insta.

They paused as they reached a small ice skating rink in the center of the market, and Jens leaned against the barrier, watching kids and their parents sliding around on the ice. He hadn’t come here just to wander around a market with Lucas.

But he couldn’t figure out how to say what he was thinking, what he’d been thinking ever since he’d left school today and gone straight to the bus station.

“So,” Lucas said after a minute, watching Jens instead of the skaters. “You just felt like coming all the way to Utrecht to see a Christmas market?”

“Why else?” Jens joked, but he took a breath as he turned to Lucas. “Can we get out of here? It’s a little crowded.”

Lucas looked surprised at the request, but he nodded. “Sure. We can get out of here.”

As they left the market, Jens following Lucas into the considerably darker streets without the cheer of the booths and lights, he let out a breath.

“Is everything okay?” Lucas asked as they walked, side by side on the narrow sidewalk. He sounded concerned, eyebrows furrowed when Jens glanced over. “It’s not your parents?”

“No,” Jens said easily, shaking his head. “I mean, they’re still fighting, but it’s what they do.” He could only hope the divorce would go through soon and they would all be able to move on.

Lucas nodded, but he didn’t seem convinced that everything was fine. The road they were following curved around a corner along a canal, street lights reflecting off the water, the windows on the buildings hung with wreaths and a few twinkly lights.

Jens was surprised when Lucas stepped off the sidewalk, over to the edge of the canal, a small patch of grass beyond the row of bicycles. He followed, settling down next to Lucas, shivering at the wind coming off the water.

“I missed you,” Lucas said after a minute, so quiet Jens almost didn’t hear.

“You did?” His heart jumped in his chest, too hopeful.

In all the months Jens had known Lucas in Antwerp, Lucas had never shown any interest in the girls who flirted with him, girls who tried to dance with him at parties, always choosing to hang out with Jens and the guys instead. Jens hadn’t thought too much of it at first—Lucas had been the new kid after all. He could have been shy. But Lucas wasn’t shy, not like that. It hadn’t been until after that Jens had wondered if there was a different reason Lucas didn’t flirt with any of the girls.

“As much as anyone can miss a jerk,” Lucas said, half a joke, knocking Jens’ shoulder, and Jens let out a breath.

“Thanks,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Through the darkness, Lucas gazed at him for a minute, and Jens had to look away.

Now that he was here, sitting next to Lucas, their knees knocking into each other, so close yet so far, Jens thought it had just been a fit of Christmas spirit madness that had brought him here. What was he expecting to happen? But if he didn’t do it now, would he ever?

“Jens,” Lucas said slowly, licking his lips, eyebrows furrowed, “Are you sure—”

It was definitely Christmas madness that seized Jens as he leaned over and kissed Lucas. It was a quick kiss, barely a peck, just long enough that he felt Lucas inhale sharply. He was back in his spot before Lucas could even blink, mouth hanging open slightly—surprised or angry or confused, Jens didn’t know.

“What,” Lucas said after a breathless second in which Jens could swear time stood still. “What was that?”

“I thought you’d know what a kiss was,” Jens joked before he could stop himself, grimacing to himself. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he be serious for once? Lucas was going to think he was just being stupid.

For a moment, Lucas didn’t reply, hands in his lap, staring at Jens and the way Jens stared at the water in turn.

He’d fucked it up, was his only thought as he stared unseeingly at the ripples in the icy water. He should have done it differently, maybe said something before he acted like a complete idiot and kissed him. It hadn’t been at all like he’d imagined—too quick, too nerve-wracking, too afraid Lucas might shove him away, into the water maybe.

Lucas’ hands on his neck, turning his face, brought him back to reality. Lucas was going to hit him, or at least tell him he had it all wrong.

But that wasn’t what happened at all with Lucas’ cold fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, a slight pressure pulling Jens to him.

This was the kiss Jens had imagined as their noses brushed together, a second before their lips did. Lucas’ lips were warm where Jens was sure his were cold, soft and lingering, almost hesitant as Lucas opened his mouth, let Jens deepen the kiss.

His hands slid to Lucas’ back, down his soft, black coat, tight around his waist as he felt Lucas inhale, press into him, chasing the slide of his lips.

Jens didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but it could have been forever. He would have been happy to stay like that forever with Lucas’ tongue against his, warm, heated breath between them, lips tingling, a smile here and there that made Jens’ heart do stupid little flip-flops in his chest every time. Lucas wanted this. Lucas wanted this. And so did Jens.

“I think my fingers are frozen,” Jens muttered as he slid down Lucas’ jaw, and Lucas laughed, quiet, pulling Jens into a hug instead.

His arms twined around Jens’ neck, secure, as if he wasn’t going anywhere, and Jens smiled at the kiss Lucas brushed to his cheek. He tightened his own grip as well, even if he could barely move his fingers. Even if his toes were numb, his cheeks red, more from Lucas’ kisses than the cold.

“I did miss you,” Lucas said again, whispered in Jens’ ear. “I thought about you all the time.”

Jens couldn’t help smiling, burying his face in Lucas’ neck as he took a deep breath, calm coming over him. “I didn’t know what to say, so…”

“You thought you’d just show up at Christmas and kiss me?” Lucas asked, pulling back finally to grin at Jens.

“It worked,” Jens pointed out, and Lucas nodded slowly.

“It did.”

Jens’ chest swelled as Lucas kissed him again, playful, gentle.

Lucas sighed as he moved back, hand falling from Jens’ neck finally, and Jens couldn’t help reaching for it.

“Your hands are cold,” Lucas said, sounding surprised, and Jens laughed.

“Well, I didn’t bring gloves.”

“Didn’t really think this through, did you?” Lucas asked, cheeky, and Jens shoved him playfully. All the nerves from before were gone, replaced with a simmering tingle of happiness filling his whole body.

“Fuck you. I came to see you. I wasn’t really thinking about anything else.”

Even in the dark, he could see the blush on Lucas’ cheeks at his words, the way he ducked his head as though embarrassed.

“Are you going back on the last train?” he asked instead, and Jens sighed. Another thing he hadn’t really considered.

“I guess so,” he said after a second, and Lucas was quiet for a minute.

Jens hadn’t really had a plan for what to do next. He hadn’t had a plan for what to do first, in all honesty. But now that they’d made it this far, now that he knew Lucas liked him to, whatever came next would just be gravy.

“You could stay at my place,” Lucas said finally, glancing up at Jens. “My mom won’t mind.”

“Really?”

Lucas nodded, warming Jens’ fingers in his. “And tomorrow’s Saturday. You could meet the guys.”

Jens hesitated. “Do they know you’re…” He certainly hadn’t told anyone about these feelings he’d been having for Lucas.

“I told them when I came back,” Lucas admitted, smiling slightly. “After I met this guy I couldn’t stop thinking about.”

“It better have been me,” Jens said, pretending to be offended when Lucas rolled his eyes.

“No, it was Sander,” he said, laughing when Jens shoved him, but Lucas didn’t let him, pulling him in for a kiss. Jens could forgive him if everything ended like this, with his heart fluttering, Lucas’ lips pressed to his. Lucas smiled as he broke away. “So can you stay?”

“I’ll tell my mom I’m staying at Robbe’s,” he murmured, anchoring his hands in Lucas’ jacket as Lucas grinned.

“Sounds like a plan.”

It did sound like a very good plan, Jens had to agree as he pulled Lucas back to his lips and kissed the smile right off it. A very good plan indeed.

#van der stoffels #wtfock #skam nl #my fic

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engelkeijsers · 4 years ago

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i recently watched the first season of skam netherlands for the first time and have some thoughts to share;

i really really really love the girl squad!! didn't expect to like them so much tbh, but here i am 🤠 they are one of the best (if not the best) for sure, even tho the lack of scenes with imaan bothered me a little

the friendship between isa and lucas just felt so real and genuine,, the actors really convinced me that these two are good friends and don't have that "he's my boyfriend's best friend so we hang out sometimes" type of relationship, but definitely something more

another bi!chris,, love to see it + she actually got a personality!! i keep winning

liv didn't really feel like a typical noora to me, but i actually really liked that about her,, love her vibe and can't wait to watch her season

i'm not a fan of the kesa relationship as a whole, but boy oh boy the chemistry between them was insane + that naming animals game 🥺 didn't know something like that could be so personal

i definitely didn't ever expect to love a vilde, especially in season 1, but for engel i fell quick and hard,, she makes my heart go whoosh

going back to the lack of imaan: i felt like she had much less screentime than any other sana did in s1 and it made me quite sad, cause i liked her. love the fact that she's not as mean as the rest of them can be (and often are),, most of the time she looked just annoyed

lucas. i love literally every isak, so falling in love with him was not a surprise for me. i saw a lot of similarities between him and the og, but when i tried to compare them (because of that), they were so different in my mind. kinda incredible ngl + idk how to describe this vibe of his but chef just called me and said that's exactly it

also, as we're speaking about him already: i would kill for his denim jacket,, it just looks so nice and warm and so good on him

the girl fight scene. i'm sorry, but i just have to bring it up, cause it was so good!! the song, the slow mo, the fact that isa got to defend herself and then the girls attacked (in other remakes evas just got straight up tossed around by chris' girlfriend and haven't had the time to react and i just love that it wasn't the case here)

loved how liv called noah's hair nasty lmaoo hilarious and well deserved + she said "personal space who? i don't know her" and i very much respect that cause it just made the scene even more iconic

also loved the added scenes such as the piercing scene and the scene in ep8 (i think??) when the girls just screamed out what was on their minds,, very powerful and wholesome in general

the soundtrack reminded me so much of the og's one and was so on point,, i really loved it

aesthetics were great but not over the top, which i enjoyed a lot. it really felt like a skam and not just another teen drama with a nice views and nothing besides them + the scene in episode 2 when isa and lucas went looking for kes and jayden and decided to stop for a moment and go up that hill? so freaking beautiful, i-

the general vibe of the show felt so authentic, it really did feel like a skam literally the whole time,, respect

also the last thing that really grabbed my attention for probably the first time in a s1: when liv borrowed lucas' phone (and because of that realized he doesn't have a crush on isa but kes), the open pages she found in his phone weren't gay porn but him writing in the google bar "is being gay genetic" & "how do you know if you're gay" and honestly, for some reason it really grabbed my heart. idk how the other remakes did it, cause as i've said i never really paid that much attention to isaks phones and instead was more focused on the girls' reactions, but here it really touched me.

i think that's all i wanted to say. in conclusion: the season was amazing, i really loved it and all of the characters were amazing. now i really can't wait to watch season 2!!

#skam netherlands #skam nl #will probably come back to it sometime cause it really was great

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sheusedtobesassier · 3 years ago

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Day 10,785

172 days until I hit my thirties.

So. An assortment of 172 good memories from my twenties.

001. Addey hype mumbo jumbo singing along with Moana before she was really talking.

002. Being asked to say the big thank you at SOE graduation.

003. Isaac’s face when he peeked at Omar’s new shoes at the East Towne Starbucks.

004. Drinking Mike’s honey moonshine while we played Euchre in his starry cicada humming backyard.

005. Taking Mama on the water taxi rides when she visited me in Chicago.

006. Grandma Kathy calling me, “My pink haired granddaughter.”

007. Sneaking into camp with the Hines girls to write up collaboration glass bottle poems in the Prayer Chapel.

008. The slow and steady hike up to the Hollywood sign.

009. The night I kidnapped Mini Farm kittens to snuggle for a movie and accidentally left the gate open releasing the rest to the Wisconsin wild.

010. Sunday afternoon sipping Stella Artois in the perfect sunny front room of our Albany Park apartment.

011. Zoë giving me all her wallet cash so I could buy bare minimum groceries.

012. Taking turns reading The History of Love aloud in our Winter Staff Forest Springs apartment.

013. The Halloween/Hillside round of Murder in the Dark with All Stars only.

014. Acting a fool in the unfinished Lodge room filled from floor to ceiling with Tempur-Pedic mattresses.

015. Doug lounging in the giant crate of laundry bags in the laundry room.

016. GUBS INSIDE JOKES.

017. St. Patrick’s Day 2021, hahaha.

018. Beyoncé: Lemonade in the empty downstairs apartment with Mary.

019. Accidentally getting kayak drunk from a backpack bottle of Ménage à Trois.

020. Daylight skinny dipping with Amber to inaugurate the new pool.

021. The perfect stray cat that came around the second half of 2018.

022. Renate being the first to cry with me post breakup. Bill supplying sparkling water to prevent dehydration.

023. Doing drag makeup in Bekah’s bathroom while her and Marissa giggled at each other in the tub.

024. Every kitchen island conversation I’ve ever had with Steve Hines.

025. The perfect colors the night we snuck up on the helicopter landing pad on that Dallas hotel.

026. FACILITATING THAT SAME WEEKEND’S GAME OF ASSASSIN, BEFORE IT GOT UGLY.

027. Becoming buddies with all four Williams brothers.

028. When Mercy told me I’m her favorite Williams brother.

029. Hahaha the Camp Clean Up I put Elliot on my crew for my own amusement and told him his only responsibility was to walk around with me the whole time.

030. The time Blaine and I were avoiding the long lunch line together and Nimanim was like, “Wait so this is like an actual friendship huh?”

031. Tanner enthusiastically reenacting Gandalf’s YOU SHALL NOT PASS as I came up the path.

032. Will realizing I’d Facebook stalked him without sending a friend request.

033. Magically finding Pop Rocks the morning of my perfect 22nd birthday.

034. My perfect 26th birthday weekend in Minneapolis with my dreamy local girl gang.

035. Tauri’s blossoms on the Sky Lodge trees in the spring.

036. Encountering and becoming completely enthralled by the Enneagram.

037. OLIVIA FUCKING GATWOOD APPRECIATING MY PINK HAIR.

038. Clementine von Radic writing that Greyhound always loses her luggage too.

039. My stretch of obsession with Hemingway’s love interests.

040. Becoming friends with Fat Boy Tucker pup.

041. Becoming friends with rescued best dog Star girl.

042. The night Doug was my ride from the airport and he pulled his truck over so we could take a good look at the gigantic moon.

043. That hilarious flirtatious moonlight wander of the horse trails with Omar and Edith and Caleb.

044. Jake Nelson giving me a surprise scoop of chocolate custard as a peace offering after his grumpy bedtime attitude.

045. THE DISCOVERY AND CAPTIVATION OF HADESTOWN.

046. Getting to have Alia in every day for a while there.

047. Les Mis at Overture Center because Ally bought our family tickets.

048. Pat Coakley telling me I don’t know how special I am.

049. Spit handshake with Janelle swearing we’ll never think any boys are cooler than we are.

050. Marissa picking me up without explanation to take us on a quiet sunset drive of her favorite county road.

051. Jayden imagination playing with Blue, Guy, and a motorcycle for a whole night then waking me up with them the next morning.

052. Genevieve asking to borrow my lavender romper for her rehearsal dinner.

053. Getting to be Cali’s sidekick the week leading up to her wedding extravaganza.

054. Houston YMCA hallway phone call from Justin’s dorm room asking me clarify which of the boys was Nick, Schmidt, and Winston.

055. The absolutely ludicrous old woman I got drunk with in the Amtrak dining car.

056. The absolute ludicrous glass skull light up cocktail I drank at Freehand’s hotel bar.

057. When Dan Hartke told me I’m a mother hen.

058. When the most beautiful Sora from Korea told me, “You always flowers.”

059. Hannah’s hand me down Steve Madden sandals.

060. Runaway trips with Amber Bamber to watch Shakespeare in the woods.

061. Storytelling with Jack Thomas.

062. Drunk bar darts after Corn Fest with Marissa’s gang.

063. Leaving the reception with Emmy to go curl up in Amber’s bed and giggle about how it was the last place she slept as a virgin.

064. The night Riana and Zoe and I took turns putting our heads out the car windows to howl like wolves.

065. Falling asleep on the couch with Zelina and Chelle beer buzzed watching Jersey Shore.

066. That perfect little basement Thai place a couple blocks from Emmy’s apartment dorm.

067. When Dan forced me to get out of his car and left because I’d annoyed him too hard on our library trip.

068. Vicki suggesting we go live together overseas.

069. Depop photoshoot with Taurilyn.

070. Mykenza bluntly declaring true things I couldn’t confirm or deny.

071. Norm announcing to the full room he was teaching that I was a rascal.

072. Zochella.

073. Noah Gundersen and Brett Dennen at The Majestic.

074. Every damn time we ate beautiful food at High Rock Cafe.

075. The nights I felt capable at TOCHI.

076. LENA DUNHAM’S GIRLS.

077. Jordan suddenly ballroom dancing Genevieve around the kitchen.

078. Staying up late crying to my mom about trying to take good care of the lesbian teenagers at Sky Lodge.

079. The night Caleb very suddenly showed up with a bowl of sangria then tried to leave a dozen times but we convinced him to stay.

080. Rachel swearing that the man in the Wrigleyville bookshop had love at first sighted me.

081. Making the list of how many musicals I’ve been affected by.

082. Discovering weirdo La Llamada then driving straight to Carlsons’s to immediately watch it again with them.

083. Writing heartfelt correspondence back and forth with Kat for a few years.

084. All the funky cards I’ve received from Amber.

085. Finding that PERFECT dress at Goodwill for Tauri’s Winter Ball.

086. An actual friendship with Paul Bierdeman.

087. COUNSELOR MEETINGS.

088. The night Emily Holverson and I stood outside the Lodge trading sincerity about Sky Lodge and the complications of ministry.

089. Blunt conversations with Josiah, hahaha.

090. The Lower Lakeview round of Murder in the Dark when I killed every single person playing before anyone could call, “Dead body!”

091. When I suddenly caught him listening to my singing in the tunnel.

092. Putting together outfits from Lolita’s wardrobe.

093. Driving into such an unexpectedly lush part of Missouri.

094. A nighttime surprise of Big Ben and The London Eye and Buckingham Palace and St James Park in the falling snow.

095. MY PERFECT ABODE IN ST. LOUIS, MO.

096. OUR PERFECT ABODE IN ALBUQUERQUE, NM.

097. Becoming one of Steve’s best friends.

098. The evening Elorine and I didn’t go with and REALLY talked.

099. THE UNDENIABLE INHERENT GOODNESS OF MERRY’S KIDS.

100. Farrell’s crying apology on the sidewalk outside of Maple.

101. Alex’s irregular sudden extreme compliments.

102. The females I’m close with over the internet due to mutual admiration.

103. Lars from Hinge, hahaha.

104. Sitting at the end of a long table with Janelle making a napkin list of our all time favorite manic pixie dream girls.

105. The handful of LotR marathons we’ve accomplished.

106. When Kat told me she understood the Harry Styles crush but that maybe he wasn’t right for me.

107. Reading so many Donald Miller books and getting others to read them too.

108. Kisses on the cheek from Esther.

109. Getting raspberries for Mike’s turtles as an apology for making death threats.

110. Tipsy dancing alone with my eyes closed for like a hundred songs at Sheryl’s Club on New Years 2021.

111. The flattering comparison to the wonderful Harley Duke.

112. Aw omg, our happy hammock stacks at Observatory Hill.

113. Telling slumber party stories on stage for Women’s Retreat.

114. BEING THE MIME FOR LIFE GROUP’S FAVORITE.

115. Fatigued watching The Kissing Booth and laughing harder than ever.

116. Spastic goofing around with Ashley AND Brittany the day we moved Amber into her new home.

117. Sitting on my closet floor showing crying Riana baby videos of singing piano playing Janelle.

118. Giggle running through Piggly Wiggly parking lot at closing with Rene with like $400 of alcohol on Ally’s birthday.

119. Fireball shots ALL NIGHT with Jeremiah and his uncle on Christmas Eve.

120. Listening to the delicious details of Emmy’s Europe romance.

121. Zion giving me his Adidas crewneck as sentimental goodbye gift.

122. Arguing with Austin over our differing zombie apocalypse ideologies.

123. Drunk Discord/Among Us with Hunter and Bekah and Nick and Marissa.

124. How soft Kenny’s absurd speeches made my heart.

125. MINUTE LONG VOICE MEMOS STACKS WITH ROSIE. ♡♡

126. Listening to Lizzy McAlpine in an afternoon candlelight bath.

127. Listening through John Mayer’s The Search for Everything mowing the ball field.

128. Emotionally painting my old house in Birmingham.

129. Being really damn good at that Heads Up game with Omar.

130. Compiling worthwhile stuff for Foreman training.

131. GROWING MY PLANTS.

132. The stretch when Bryanna was usually wrapped in my blanket.

133. Talking about going to Colorado with Alex.

134. The notorious reputation of knowing everybody at CCCA.

135. GETTING ALL DRESSED UP FOR DINNER THEATER.

136. Calling Ally from a parking lot at Emmy’s bachelorette party because I was SO CONFIDENT I was a hot person that I had to talk to her about it.

137. Playing the stupidest laughingest game of The Floor Is Lava with Jackson when I came to visit them all in Dallas.

138. Feeling really really really at home in my apartment at Sky Lodge.

139. How Ryan Boon would struggle to talk through his laughter.

140. Belonging to myself at Fiddleheads Coffee in Cedarburg.

141. THE UNDENIABLE IMMEDIATE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN ME AND COURTNEY HART.

142. Big Falls County Park. Every time.

143. Kayaking down Blue River with Duke, Jeremiah and Addey, Hunter, and Hunter’s friend.

144. That perfect burger at Pier Burger in Santa Monica.

145. Riding The Brown Line down to The Loop and all the way back up.

146. Aw. Welp. Every lengthy truthful phone call with Sam.

147. The four seasons I was compiling four second videos.

148. Ashley’s and my perfect roommates stretch, featuring our perfect couch.

149. The night we forced so many to come to our Blackfish showing then sign our petition opposing Sea World. Hahaha. #emptythetanks

150. The night Ben and I sat in the corner giddy burning through TriBond cards.

151. The night I showed up at Doug’s and Lueck’s door losing my damn mind over The Dress.

152. Community Soccer at the local elementary school gym.

153. Frigid stranded in the Chequamegon National Forest with Mary and Caleb on our return drive from our nightmare trip to Duluth.

154. The final night of being “cats in a bag” sleeping in Janelle’s bottom bunk.

155. Filling up the broomball courts under a negative degrees meteor shower.

156. Getting another wonderful summertime of Delala.

157. The Sunday service the pastor wouldn’t quit snapping his fingers and a bunch of us were txting each other like, “OMFG NO AHHH HOW DO WE MAKE HIM STOP????”

158. Oomph. The perfect veggie omelette (no cheese) at Sparks.

159. Dad’s soft voicemail about his admiration for Adele.

160. Their neighbor lady Maddie’s outfit for the Christmas cantata and her disappointment with the unfamiliar song selection.

161. Raquel’s completely irresistible fun streak.

162. Listening to folklore with Jayden and the girlies first thing when I woke up every morning for a while there.

163. Going through Met Gala looks cuddled up with Omar.

164. The way it felt reading Anthropology of an American Girl.

165. The giant primary colors crochet blanket mom made for me.

166. Noah scooping me up in that hug in the Waterloo parsonage kitchen.

167. When Omar completely surprised me with what he can do to a piano.

168. Deciding I am a Pinot Grigio girl.

169. Omfg, the Nest Night we intensely debated our way through a Staff Wives wrestling bracket.

170. Dismantling multiple purity talks and dress codes like it’s my calling.

171. Laying on blankets in the middle of many fields in different places for the sake of being very very very very sunkissed.

172. Regularly running into Bill at Kwik Trip.

#personal

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cringeynews · 8 years ago

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New Post has been published on

New Post has been published on http://cringeynews.com/featured/to-understand-britney-spears-you-need-to-understand-her-hair/

To understand Britney Spears, you need to understand her hair

Pogs. Furbys. Juicy Couture tracksuits. American Pie. Willa Ford.

These are just a few of the trends Britney Spears has outlasted in her long and storied career, which spans nine albums, 20 years, and countless iconic moments that today’s celebrity Snapchat wars could never hope to replicate.

Even as new generations of bobbleheaded pop stars keep cropping up to snatch her crown, Britney has been a unique fascination from the moment she danced her way around a Catholic high school in 1998’s “…Baby One More Time” video.

Even escaping to Las Vegas for a multiple-year residency — an eternity in the celebrity news cycle — hasn’t stopped Spears from being one of the biggest and most instantly recognizable stars on this whole dumb planet.

When the aliens come, don’t be surprised if they don’t care about us taking them to our leaders when they could meet Britney Jean Spears instead.

She’s also gone through so many career transformations, rock bottoms, and comebacks that it can be hard to remember how, exactly, Britney Spears became the icon she is today. As any of her devoted fans will tell you, though, Britney’s always played the poker game of celebrity with one painfully obvious tell: her hair.

If you want to know how Britney Spears is doing, all you have to do is look at her hair (or the wigs and weaves she wears to approximate it) — which, when you think about it, makes her about as relatable as a pop star can get.

So as we celebrate Brit’s 35th birthday, let’s take a break from our own mundane lives to look back at the 20 years that brought Britney Spears to this point, by way of her mood ring hairstyles.

1) Britney Spears Original Flavor: dirty blonde (1998–2001)

Javier Zarracina / Vox

When Britney Spears charged into the spotlight on the edge of a new millennium, her naughty Catholic schoolgirl routine for “…Baby One More Time” was tempered by the fact that the bubbly 17-year-old also seemed like your kid’s favorite babysitter — a contrast that was, of course, purposeful.

As we later came to realize, Britney’s family and managerial team carefully calibrated her public persona, and in the beginning that meant selling sex while being a paragon of virtue. So while the other pop starlets in Britney’s early orbit — Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, even Mandy Moore — defaulted to brighter, louder blondes, she started off as a softer honey blonde, to slightly undercut her salacious image.

2) Blonde(r) ambition (2001–2005)

Javier Zarracina / Vox

Soon enough, though, Britney couldn’t escape the blonde — nor, arguably, did she want to. Though her team kept assigning her a virginal narrative even throughout her high-profile relationship with cocky N’Sync leading man Justin Timberlake, Britney pushed back against that sterile persona, becoming more openly sexual, even a little dangerous.

By the time she debuted her legendary “I’m a Slave 4 U” performance at the 2001 VMAs, she’d amped up not only her dance moves but also the amount of peroxide in her perpetually whipping hair.

[embedded content]

From there on out, Britney made clear that she was — say it with me/I am so sorry — not that innocent. (First and last one, I swear.) She became the sex symbol her image had always teased, vamping it up with a self-aware smirk. This glorious time included her 2003 album In the Zone — widely considered one of her best — not to mention her 2003 hit “Britney makes out with Madonna at the VMAs.”

[embedded content]

But by 2004, Britney’s grip on her world was starting to slip — or maybe more accurately, Britney started to slip from the world. Forces within both her own circle and the salivating music industry were pulling the sweetly dorky Louisiana girl in a thousand directions, and it was only a matter of time before she broke.

2004 was the end of polished Britney. Reports of drug use and mental health breaks started circulating in the tabloids, and then a Vegas trip with childhood friends ended in a spontaneous wedding — and hasty annulment — that gave the press ammunition for years. She met Kevin Federline, a backup dancer with cornrows and a “who gives a fuck?” vibe that Britney probably found refreshing. Finally, her tour got delayed when she tore her ACL during dance rehearsal — and shortly thereafter, she proposed to Federline.

This time is maybe best summed up by the 2005 reality show Britney and Federline starred in, featuring footage they shot of each other acting stoned and snorting through Cheetos: Chaotic.

3) The debut of “Brunetteny” (2006)

Javier Zarracina / Vox

One of the first signs that Britney was about to go even more dramatically off script came when she ditched any semblance of blonde for a dark brown weave in 2006.

Two years after she tore her ACL, “Brunetteny” — as her fiercely loyal self-described “Brit Army” of fans call this bizarro version of her — played by a different set of rules than the pop star we’d come to know.

She abandoned her old persona completely, embracing the chaos of being exactly the opposite of everything people thought she was before. Then Britney got pregnant, and Brunetteny became an even more clearly different persona, separate from her previous blonde teen princess act. She had two sons within two years — Sean Preston in 2005, Jayden James in 2006 — and backed off the grueling performance schedule she’d been under since she was just a kid herself.

Britney was done trying to be the slick package of sexed-up stardust the industry had sold her as, and Brunetteny was her way of saying so.

But if anyone thought Britney’s rebellious stage would culminate in something as banal as a Vegas wedding, an ill-advised investment in a shady backup dancer, or brunette wigs … well, they were mistaken.

4) Shaved hair, don’t care (2007)

Javier Zarracina / Vox

In 2007, Britney’s marriage to Federline crumbled into a fine powder, and her mental health became the subject of worldwide discussion. Once her family and Federline took her sons away from her, she spiraled hard.

She tried rehab, ditched rehab, and cut out her family and friends for a new circle of people whose close ties with the paparazzi ushered in an unprecedented new era of scrutiny into Britney’s personal life at the exact moment when she was at her lowest.

The situation, Rolling Stone wrote then, was dire. When Britney left rehab without completing any kind of program, her family and friends wondered if she was about to self-destruct:

She arrived at Federline’s house for her babies, but he had joined forces with Lynne [Britney’s mother] and Rudolph [Britney’s manager], and wouldn’t talk to her until she registered at the Malibu rehab center Promises. She circled his house three times, furious at having to concede to their demands, before pulling into a random hair salon in the Valley and taking her hair off in big clumps, less as a penance than a liberation. Then she stayed up for forty-eight hours straight, driving around, sucking down dozens of Red Bulls, afraid that she was being followed by demons, or that a cell-phone charger was taping her thoughts, and obsessively listening to the radio for news about Anna Nicole Smith’s death earlier that month. That was her fate, she declared — she was next.

Everyone — including Britney, apparently — thought they knew what was coming. But when she did snap, she still managed to surprise the hell out of all of us.

You know the pictures. Britney, peering at herself in a mirror, shaves off what’s left of her brown hair with a giant grin. Britney, bald head peeking out of a loose sweatshirt, gets tattooed. Britney, wild-eyed, grips an umbrella and beats the hell out of a paparazzo’s car.

As “fuck you”s go, though, this one was pretty spectacular.

5) The pink wig (2007–2008)

Javier Zarracina / Vox

The moments after the head shaving were dark for Britney. Rehab wouldn’t take, she had lost custody of her kids, and Kevin Federline was screening her calls. But Britney’s always been able to put on a show, and in 2007 she might’ve singlehandedly staged the most compelling entertainment of the year. (Google reminds me that the Oscar winner for Best Picture that year was The Departed, but I don’t care, I stand by it.)

Britney’s biggest fans at this point might have been the paparazzi, who stalked her from her driveway to Starbucks and back again. They learned how to anticipate when she was likely to give them something of interest beyond detailing which Frappuccino flavor is her favorite. (She revealed in 2011 that it’s strawberry, and also, the fact that we still cared about what her favorite Frappuccino flavor was a good five years after we were done caring about Frappuccinos speaks to Britney’s strange charisma.)

One detail of Britney’s appearance was a particularly solid indication that something strange was on the horizon: a hot pink bobbed wig, crumpled and frizzy, like she’d just fished it out of the bottom of a long-forgotten Party City sale bin. As one charming paparazzo told People then: “When she puts on the pink wig, you just know something crazy is about to happen.”

And so it did. She’d throw on the wig and tear around the Los Angeles canyons, leading the paparazzi on wild goose chases while taunting them in a British accent, seemingly manic and desperate for approval. Sometimes she’d even stop to hang out with them — which is how she met boyfriend Adnan Ghalib, a former paparazzo whose job used to be to follow her around.

Consider all this when you realize that in October 2007 — eight months after she shaved her head — Britney still managed to put out Blackout, her best album to date.

The wig reluctantly went into retirement once her father, Jamie Spears, stepped in, securing a temporary conservatorship over his daughter’s life and finances — a drastic measure, and one that’s since become a permanent fixture of Britney’s life.

Britney still loves wigs, but that pink bob is imprinted on her history like a bruise that refuses to fade.

6) Finding a new normal through questionable blond weaves (2008– 2013)

Javier Zarracina / Vox

These were the best of times. These were the worst of times.

As Spears tried to grow out her hair underneath a series of excruciatingly bad weaves, her career ramped back up into high gear — though she clearly wasn’t ready.

Watching her now-infamous performance of “Gimme More” at the 2007 VMA’s is like watching someone sleepwalking, and not being sure if waking her would be the best or worst thing. Instead of really dancing — always Britney’s favorite part of performing — she listlessly wandered across the stage, looking less like a pop star than a figure skater who got bored and started thinking about where to get lunch.

[embedded content]

In a 2008 cover story titled “The Tragedy of Britney Spears,” Rolling Stone called her “a perfectly proportioned twenty-six-year-old porcelain doll with a nasty weave.”

Slowly, though, Britney clawed her way out of her hell. Though her father’s conservatorship monitored her every decision — and, again, continues to do so today — she recommitted to being a pop star. She released solid pop albums Circus (2008) and Femme Fatale (2011), before the more introspective Britney Jean (2013). In 2013 she announced her Vegas residency, a show called Piece of Me that would run 50 times a year.

In her exclusive announcement with Good Morning America, Britney smiled from behind enormous sunglasses, a helicopter whirring away behind her. “I’m definitely ready,” she said.

And she was right.

7) A new contender — “Auburtney”? “Redheadny?” — appears (2014)

Javier Zarracina / Vox

As Britney settled into the role of anchoring her own Vegas experience, she turned back to her Brunetteny roots, this time with more of a red sheen than she’d ever had. This was a brief period, but still significant if only because Britney trying brown hair on for size usually signals a restlessness with her own image.

Vegas was a whole new stage for Britney’s career, and though she ended up embracing it to the point where she’s now extended her stay through 2017, she was still figuring out exactly what it — not to mention she — was going to be. For Britney, that usually means dusting off another wig, slipping on a different persona, and trying something new for the sake of it.

8) Mermaid Britney (2015)

Javier Zarracina / Vox

Maybe the best sign of Britney’s improved mental state is her Instagram. In 2015, the boilerplate posts telling fans to go to Vegas in unsettlingly stilted social media speak disappeared. Britney’s Instagram became way more personal, filled with videos of her sons doing skateboard tricks in their Vegas backyard, motivational quotes, and more pictures of sparkly fairies and apple-cheeked babies than Anne Geddes could stuff in a teapot.

At one point, Britney got her hands on a phosphorescent mermaid tail, which she wore to lounge around the pool with her sons and niece in the Vegas heat. She dyed the tips of her hair to match, and thus, Mermaid Britney — a determined performer and goofy mom — got her name.

Also: Mermaid Britney came to slay.

When she started the show in 2014, she was tentative; in 2015, she owned that stage. Her performing is more solid than it’s been in a decade, as she switches up her Piece of Me dance numbers and incorporates new jams for dozens of high-octane performances a year.

9) Back to blonde (2016–?)

Javier Zarracina / Vox

Today, Britney Spears has settled into her role about as comfortably as could be expected, given the fact that she’s spent her entire life trying to be a person while everyone surrounding her tries to fold her into boxes.

But at 35, Britney’s fully twice the age she was when “…Baby One More Time” came out and her life changed forever. She’s a mom who posts inspirational memes and videos of her sons with her giggle as their soundtracks. She’s a performer who churns out show after show, who released a ninth album that has more variation than any she’s done, who knows everything you think of her and has become her own person in spite of it.

Glory be.

Via

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knight-otu · 6 years ago

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After Action Report - Known Unknowns, by Brendan Patrick Hennessy

Over several sundays in May, June, and July, Clubfloyd played the Twine game Known Unknowns.

Known Unknowns is a Twine game, meaning it is played in a web browser - you click on links representing your decisions, and the page changes in response. This means browser games are not something the Club can normally play - someone has to paste the content of the page to the mud. This was done by the organizer of the club, Jacqueline.

The game

ANJA: Hey Kaz. (She looks around.) ...I thought you said you had that newspaper thing tonight. YOU: This is the newspaper thing. ANJA: ...Wow, Nazari. Some turnout.

Known Unknowns, released in four chapter throughout 2017, is set in a modern-day Toronto, with some supernatural elements. The protagonist, Nadia Nazari, is the editor of the school newspaper along with her friend Kaz, struggling with keeping the newspaper alive, her social life, and strange happenings in the closed off north wing of the school. Navigating these treacherous waters is the drive here.

From here on, there will be spoilers. If you wish to play the game, you should avoid reading on.

The play

YOU: Hi Dramas. COOL DRAMA: Actually I think the "drama" this week is you.

Known Unknowns is divided into four chapters. Naturally, we started with the first, which takes us three years back from the main story. In that flashback we shortly meet Nadia's friend Summer on the day their friendship shattered - for as of yet unknown reasons. The flashback ends with Summer fleeing our home making weak excuses, but what exactly happened remains unknown for now - unknown, but guessable.

Back in the present, we are introduced to our newspaper proplems, our co-worker Kaz, and their sister Anja (who instantly fails to make a friendly introduction.) Soon after, we are introduced to the supernatural elements of the world, as purple smoke pours in from the under-renovations north wing and we run into a strange raccoon that Kaz is certain is a ghost, and that speaks in emoji (yes really). Maybe that ghost thing is something for our newspaper?

[clubfloyd] Jacqueline says, "I have not been telling you about the images." [clubfloyd] Jacqueline says, "But you all should possibly know that Annette is wearing a witch hat."

The next day, the hunt is on. Not for ghostly raccoons, though. Nadia wants to hunt for Summer, who, as we previously learned, has returned to our school, and is now friends with Anja. She wants to make up (or, as we quickly decided, make out) with Summer over what happened a few years ago. Naturally, we tried to avoid that - it felt far too much like an unhealthy teen obsession...

... and surprisingly enough, the game allowed us to tarry, meet people (such as Jayden, who in turn is unhealthily obsessed with us, Allen, our boyfriend, Marc Sherbourne, a teacher way too obsessed with appearing to be in line with student culture, Annette, the asexual witch, Olivia Kwon, an ice skater who for some reason we always call by her full name, Docteure Rouillé, who refuses to sully the French language by teaching us... you get the picture), and allowed us to not ask about Summer.

One thing we soon realized is that, when talking to people, you often only get one chance to ask something, and then the conversation moves on. As such, we often could not ask everything we wanted, such as when trying to recruit Olivia for the newspaper, we couldn't tell her that there are other jobs beyond writer, after we told her that she could be a sports writer.

MILES: And had you eaten dinner? YOU: ...Does candy count as dinner? MILES: No.

During French class, Nadia manages to further antagonize Anja by pulling her on the seat next to her in order to avoid Jayden. And the teacher forbids changing seats over the course of the year. Oops. Also, we're getting clues that Anja might not like our bisexual cooties (our words, not the game's). She does get us out of homework with Jayden, but we owe her for this.

We do meet Summer a few times, but either she flees the scene or Anja intervenes, and we do get to talk about the supernatural a few times, especially with Annette. We (and the rest of the school) also get a rather glittery party invite from some guy called Kipling, and after a fight with our boyfriend Allen, rescue Summer from a ditch, though things are still awkward.

We finally reach the end of the chapter about when we'd had to stop anyway, as Nadia confides in Kaz about what happened that fateful day, about the deep connection she felt with Summer, and how she tried to kiss Summer that day - which was what caused her to flee in the first place. Sending Allen (then just a friend of both) to talk didn't help, and Anja began hating Nadia shortly thereafter too - but Kaz is certain that their sister doesn't hate Nadia for being bisexual. They themselves are quite too excited about Nadia being bisexual, though. Next stop - Kipling's party in chapter 2.

In between sessions, I took a look at the game myself because I was curious about the portraits, and it turned out they are clickable for more info. Jacqueline then found out during the second session that Nadia actually keeps a diary of sorts that we could look at.

YOU: Ugh... this was a bad idea. KAZ: What was a bad idea? YOU: Coming here! The whole plan! How the heck am I going to work up the courage to hash out this enormous impossible situation when Summer won't even talk to me for more than three seconds???

Chapter 2 starts with another flashback (this will be the case for all four chapters), a few months before the fateful kiss. Summer dragged us to a party where Allen asked us to dance and later danced with Summer.

The chapter proper starts in Allen's home where we learn that he does not plan to attend the party. Kaz and Anja (the latter to Nadia's annoyance) come and drive Nadia to the party, where we soon meet our host Kipling who everyone loves for his drunk pool teen parties with several unused bedrooms (that yes, become occupied later). Kipling is the son of rich parents who are rarely at home.

Over the course of the party, we meet a couple new people, such as the "drama kids", see some evidence that people at least suspect that Nadia isn't straight, and we have our second run-in with a ghost, this time in human form. He apparently looks familiar, and "tells" us that we know him from the newspaper, and that his death is connected with France in some way. And... for some reason, occasionly let slip a word in emoji/ghost speech (however that works).

After witnessing a bit of awesomeness from Olivia, Annette thinks it's time for some relationship counseling, we text our boyfriend, get into a fight with him, and distractedly run into Anja and spill our drink on her. She gets annoyed by our apologies. We're not going to be friends, apparently.

YOU: You can use magic, right? So could you— ANNETTE: Oh my god! I can use magic! Nadia! You're a genius!

After a quick diversion where we try to help Annette find her phone, we meet Kaz who tries to point us at another girl at the party, which is where Jacq notices the Journal option I mentioned before. We read through it, concluding the session mid-chapter.

Starting the third session at the same point, we protest that, firstly, we have no idea whether the girl is attracted to women (Kaz is sure most people are queer, at least people they know, but can't elaborate), and secondly, that we have no idea how to hit on other people (Allen made the first move in that relationship).

After a bit of wandering, we meet back with Anja. Apparently her not hating us is too much to ask for. I think that's the point where we decided that she burned all bridges that might have possibly been mendable still. Only place left is the upstairs, where a dance party is going.

As we play wallflower, Jayden tries to talk with us, and since it's too loud, we go outside of the mansion. We try to call him a platonic friend so that hopefully he gets the signal. Nadia leaves out the all-important word platonic though (thanks a lot, game), and he makes a move. We nope away from him, send him home, and run straight into, who else, Anja. She gets on our case, sounding sarcastic when we tell her that we told him not to talk to us anymore.

Kipling offers some "sage" advice as we tell him about Anja (this is a point where we really wanted to have multiple chances to offer a topic - every single one was worth being told, really, especially the Jayden situation), and we find Kaz out back. And here we get the option we've been waiting for...

YOU: Kaz. Am I him? Am I Summer's Jayden? KAZ: What? No. Come on. YOU: Seriously. Am I just the clueless person who can't take a hint? She already rejected me once.

Kaz denies the possibility, naturally. And then, Summer enters the scene. We talk to her, offer to clear the air, and then Anja intervenes, claiming that we have already made our position quite clear. Fed up with her, we stop trying to take the high road, and after some verbal blows, she asks whether we think Summer deserved what happened three years ago, whether it is her fault, and is utterly disgusted by the idea that no one supposedly was at fault. Something isn't adding up here. What it is, we'll learn in the next session and chapter - the one where everything* we know turns out to be wrong.

*Disclaimer - Not everything we know turns out to be wrong.

Chapter three, and the fourth session, starts with the obligatory flashback, our first meeting with Anja, a month after the fateful day and before Anja starts hating us. After a few niceties and helping each other, we meet with Allen, who tells us that Summer has no interest in talking to us.

ROUILLÉ: It was a mistake to permit any of you to speak French at all. The crimes you have made against the greatest language in human history are too large for me to think of. Every single one of your presentations was a unique and horrible insult. (You stare down at your desk.) ROUILLÉ: Alors, you have a new assignment. In the same groups, you will write a letter of apology to the French language, expressing your shame and regret at having so degraded it. Now sit in silence until the bell rings.

Back in the present, I want to talk about a silly theory I had (which turned out false anyway), but history teacher Sherbourne once more proves that adults are useless in this universe as he tries to relate a historical event to... The Dress. After he assures us that he is "woke" enough that we can talk to him, we leave.

Next up, we talk to Kaz about the unpleasant things to do, such as homework with Anja, who promptly arrives and tosses said homework at us without a word. That item checked off, an unpleasant talk with our boyfriend Allen is on the list next. But first, a soothsaying/weird question session with Annette that apparently tells her that we'll have a busy week, and a talk with Kipling about his post-party despression. The talk with Allen then ends up not being a talk.

In French the next day, Anja makes us call ourself an idiot through the provided homework. Nice going. Worse yet, we have to go through this again with a different homework assignment. While complaining about Anja to Kaz, they try to remove a painting of the newspaper's founder because Nadia is too obsessed with what he would have done. It goes poorly, and they propose sneaking into the closed-for-renovations north wing with a ghost detector from the internet. Naturally, we are skeptical, but go along anyway.

For some reason that in retrospect seem silly, we decide to leave as few traces as possible. While that didn't last quite as long, we missed a few things as a result before we bump into the drama kids chilling here. After some more exploration we reach our goal, the auditorium and memorial hall, where we reach a very strong hint about the identity of our ghost summoner.

KAZ: You're hyperventilating. YOU: No that's too much air. "Hyper." Means too much. I'm hypoventilating. Look on WebMD for that.

The ghosts soon make another appearance, and as we talk, we realize that the ghost is that of the newspaper's founder, who died in France in World War I. Speaking with Kaz then reveals that we have seen and heard something entirely different from them - they are not aware that the ghost communicated, or that the ghost of the newspaper's founder was there, just the raccoon.

Our revelation is disturbed by the arrival of the ghost summoner. We film them with our phone and flee the scene. The next day after school, Annette coven-iently appears quite soon, and we show her our footage. She is clearly concerned about "our" interest in forbidden bone magic.

Right after that, Allen comes up to drive us home. And this time, the talk happens. And it reveals that Allen has been lying to us for three years. He deliberately sabotaged our relationship with Summer who, it turns out, was attracted to us. He then told her and us that each did not want to talk with the other, and when we reveal that, yes, we would have gone out with Summer had she asked, he acts as if he is the victim, not getting the idea that people can be bisexual.

After the fight and a tearful night, the school day starts oddly as people offer up either support or scorn. Yes, Allen did the scumbaggy thing of telling everyone that we're gay (rather than the correct bisexual), and even, as we hear from Kaz, that we supposedly "asked for permission to cheat on him."

Nadia is getting a panic attack, so Kaz and a new friend swiftly bring us home. To distract us, Kaz suggests that we call the local graveyards to see if they're missing bones, as those are an important part of that forbidden bone magic. After a few rather fruitless calls, we do get one last call. It's Summer. And that's where the chapter (and session) ends.

KAZ: Think about it. Our school is haunted by evil spirits and we have an exclusive on the story. It'll break huge! More readers, more prestige, more volunteers! Its win-win-win.

The flashback starting the fourth chapter takes us to three months after the fateful day, when Allen had just hooked up with us. We want to tell Summer about that, which Allen is naturally nervous about - but Summer has already transferred away, and Anja hates us now.

Back in the present, our new friend drives us and Kaz to school after we stayed home for a few days. We get reassurance from a few characters such as Olivia Kwon, who we still call by her full name for some reason, and even Jayden tries to make some amends. Annette, worried about what we may be going through, hands us a pamphlet that urges us to "Say 'no' to forbidden bone magic, and she isn't convinced by our assurances that we are doing just that and are investigating something.

After another instance of Marc Sherbourne being a bad teacher, we accompany Summer on part of her way home, give out apology candy to her. Summer assures us that she should have come to the same conclusions that we should have come to, namely that they wouldn't just abandon each other, and so they are both to blame about the same. We also learn that we didn't entirely destroy Summer's life.

Back at the school newspaper, we still don't have more people to help, so Kaz suggests checking the graveyards again - there are some that don't have a public phone number. A bit of thought narrows things down to one abandoned graveyard that's been surrounded by a highway and abused as a parking spot for construction vehicles. Seems we'll need to borrow our new friend's car to get there. That friend is a bit sceptical about our secret mission, but allows it, and schedules a day for shared homework.

At the graveyard, we do indeed find a disturbed grave, but not only we don't have a plan for that, Nadia has another panic attack. We drive home and come clean to our friend about the graveyard visit and the panic attack. The next day, she convinces us to leave our recruitment drive, which didn't go well anyway, to Kaz alone to watch some Lacrosse training together, meeting some of the players, as well as Summer and Kipling on the way. There is an overabundance of artsy skulls being mentioned by people. Soon it's the next evening, and homework time with our new friend. We go through it with the help of some shared pizza, and when we go to print it out, Nadia spies a downloaded episode of a teen series. She insists on seeing it, and we end up in our friend's dark room on her bed to watch it, though she insists that we don't disturb the watching (naturally, that promise doesn't go well, but she minds less than we expected). At the start of this awkwardness, we decide to end the session, to be concluded in a sixth session.

ANJA: I legitimately hate you.

Things progress as one might expect at the start of the final session, as the disturbing the watching turns to talking about kissing turns to us and our new friend kissing and falling asleep on her bed. It doesn't take Kaz and Annette long to learn about it the next times we meet them. Furthermore, our joint homework turns out a huge success, despite the teachers' horrible incompetence. An encounter with Allen drops the good atmosphere - he seriously asks if we hate him. Honestly, what does he think? During our next newspaper meeting, our new friend suggests telling someone about the ghost summoner. She's right, but telling her is not an option, so we go with the objection that we were trespassing ourselves. She is also worried about Nadia's health, and guess what? Our choices are deflection and denial. Since we can't tell our friend that she's right, again, we go with denial. Which reveals that we had another panic attack the day after the hookup, which we kept secret so she wouldn't worry that it's her fault. During the argument, Kaz sees the ghost summoner on some camera we had set up.

We may have the ghost summoner where we want them to be, and sneaking after them might be the best idea for both investigating and delaying them for the police. Our friend has the sensible idea of informing Summer to call the police if she doesn't check in regularly, and to pre-dial the number for the police. As we film the summoner, our suspicions from earlier are confirmed, but they also spot us and Kaz in the process. Our new friend avoids detection and hits them with a racoon, allowing us to flee through a suddenly labyrinthine north wing with sometimes really crazy directions. Once we get out, they capture Kaz, but the police also arrives and apprehends them despite their attempts to shift the blame on us. We're reminded just how useless adults are in this town as we practically have to force the police to take our statements. Summer is also there - she had called the police earlier than we wanted, but that's a good thing. Unfortunately, the investigation seems to have been for naught, as the school administration forbids release of the issue - as the ghost summoner was a faculty member. But then....

GRADE 9: Um, hey. Are you the ones who make the cool illegal newspaper?

The replay

KAZ: It says "Dear Sylvie, do you want to go to the grad dance with me?" And there are boxes for Yes and No. YOU: Which one did she pick? KAZ: Neither. (They hold up the paper.) She drew a house on fire.

After we finished the last chapter, I decided to do a quick replay to see how much the choices we are being offered actually matter. How much can the story change?

My findings were interesting, I feel, At times I got text that we did not see during our initial play that could have made, for example, our relationship with Anja even worse, sometimes the texts were not particularly different, especially when it came to the chapter enders. There were no true branches that I found beyond one possible one below, but during exploring, I found some optional encounters (such as Annette being sick in the bathroom during the party) and an alternate route through the north wing in chapter three (and what might be even sillier directions through the same building in chapter 4).

I do think there is one big potential branch I did not take (and thus cannot verify), but I may have gotten the option to reject the hookup near the end (and possibly even in a soft way or a harsh way). It being near the end does mean that it's easier to write a branching story here, but it does mean that there are a number of scenes that either can't happen or have to happen differently if it's the case. I probably should do a second replay to see whether it does branch out.

In conclusion

Operation Make My Ex Best Friend Hate Me A Little Bit Less is moving forward...

I found Known Unknowns to be an engaging story with a number of rather frustrating portions. The first one was Nadia's obsession with Summer, and her inability to see that she is, to all appearances, Summer's Jayden. Even when it turns out that Nadia and Summer were deceived by Allen, it still reads as an unhealthy obsession. The second one was that in conversations, for each branch we could only get one option. In most cases, this was actually fine and made the flow of conversation seem more realistic, but there were a number of cases where it was really grating, especially during the party.

The third big thing was when the sensible option was simply missing. At one point, we had the option of going out for a smoke with Olivia, or ask her about Summer - drugs, or obsession? Turned out it was normal cigarettes, but still. Worse the situation with our new friend at the end of chapter four when we couldn't tell her she was right, twice. Surely even with these options, the story could have proceeded as it did - the ghost summoner was coming up anyway, and we'd have gotten the satisfaction of making the right choice.

A particular point of contention was the emoji speak of the ghosts. I don’t think anyone liked them. I skimmed them personally, even during the replay where I saw them as intended (on the MUD, they appeared in the form of “newspaper emoji”, which didn’t help matters either). I’m sure they made sense on paper - they’re described as a sort of emotional, mental communication after all - but we mostly just made fun of them when we weren’t annoyed by them.

The game has a large and diverse cast. The most important people do get a portrait with supplemental information, but not all of them. Parts of the game do seem like a love letter to diversity and nonbinary people, though Jacq did note at some point - "I (do not) like how it only lists orientation if it's not-straight". In the end it turns out, those really are what Nadia knows, and in some cases, Nadia doesn't know something very important. The large cast and the need to split the game over multiple sundays had some unfortunate side effects - some of the weeks managed to blur together to where we weren't sure what happened when, and we managed to forget things. As an example, between session one and two, I completely forgot who Annette and Jayden were (and Annette is probably among the most memorable NPCs in this game.) It probably didn't help that we played American Angst in-between, but that's not much of an excuse.

The game did manage to make many of us care about many of the NPCs in the intended way - we disliked Anja about right when she entered the scene, took pity on Allen when we still thought that he was the rebound. Near the end, we discussed for quite a bit whether to ask Annette about our findings - she might have been in on the ghost summoning, or she might put herself into danger investigating on her own. (That scene actually raises another branching possibility - the scene might be what triggers her giving us the pamphlet, which in turn plays a role in the final confrontation with the ghost summoner - if it is, what takes the pamphlet's place in the confrontation? Or does Annette put 2 and 2 together from our other investigations and still gives us the pamphlet?) Even the ghost summoner is not a mustache-twirling villain per se - they are not good people, but they have an understandable motive.

Tropewise, Known Unknowns gleefully takes the Adults are Useless trope, and stretches it to its inevitable conclusion. The only adults that aren't completely incompetent are only mentioned in passing. Most parents are notably absent - literally in the case of Kiplings parents, who are chilling at the other end of the world, letting their son throw huge drunk pool sex parties (probably with other drugs thrown in) with the only supervision being Kipling. The teens naturally enjoy those, but it should be obvious just how questionable they are at this scale. The teachers we meet are especially bad at their job - the French teacher doesn't allow anyone speaking French, the History teacher too desperately tries to be one of the students to be an effective teacher, going so far to show "epic fail" videos in class.

Known Unknowns was nominated for several XYZZY awards - best game, writing, story, NPCs overall, Individual NPCs (Anja, Kaz, and Olivia), Individual PC (Nadia), and Use of Multimedia. Though it didn't win in any category, these nominations were definitely deserved in my opinion. Not all players were on-board with the game as much. Part of it was the parser vs choice debate that divides the IF community, and part of it was that the game did, in fact, take six sessions to complete, and patience was running thin. There was also some who felt that the characters did not feel like teenagers.

I do feel there were a few questions that remained unanswered - Was there a reason why Nadia was so sensitive to the presence of the ghosts? Did the ghost summoner actually summon he ghost they wanted, or were we right when we said that they got the wrong ghost? AND WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL GHOST RACCOONS DID WE KEEP CALLING OLIVIA BY HER FULL NAME!?

#interactive fiction #ClubFloyd #Known Unknowns #Brendan Patrick Hennessy #Twine

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hachi-ko86 · 6 years ago

Text

i want you to remember this one...

okay, if theres anyhthing ive learned in the past two days of being at home alone... its that this isn’t home. this is a house with people i love. it’s scary. i’ve always known it and ive told you about it a couple times... hell i even wrote a story about it last year... its that feeling i get with my family. that horrible fucking feeling of not being in on an inside joke, or being late to a party only to see everyones already started having fun without you... i can tell you the first day this shitshow started and when i finally realized i could never have anything to myself...

okay, the first time it happened was when i was little, this isnt so much a long story as it is shitty. i was little and my uncle joey always hung around. he was my dads best friend, my moms brother... but he never really came around to me. daisha was his little princess and he was uncle joe, jeremy loved cars too and he was like jeremys personal father he never had to share... but me. i was always just tagging alone. jeremy wanted to sleepover uncle joes house? jayden had to come with. jeremy wants to go look at cars? jaydens gotta go too... but the one moment i vividly remember is when one day uncle joey brought his new racecar out, we were sitting outside his house, and there was only one passenger seat. he told jeremy to get in and buckle up and i remember so vividly standing outside that car door and asking where do i sit? and him smiling that fucking stupid crooked smile and saying well be right back buddy theres only one seat and i dont want you getting hurt... maybe he did really care. all i know was that i could see his bullshit. he left with jeremy and didnt come back until the sunset. his girlfriend came out and asked why i was sitting outside... i said waiting for uncle joe to get back for my turn in the car... that was the first time it hit me he wasnt coming back and it truly made it worse when he did and said sorry jay ill take you out some other time... that other time never fucking happened and that dick hole moved to california.

the next time is a doozy. youll love this one. okay theres been a few of these so dont worry theyll all pop out eventually. but my tenth birthday. you wanna know what started the shitshow? it was my tenth birthday. my mom agreed to babysit some of my dads coworkers kids... little did i know it was on my fucking birthday. the day consisted of me waking up, putting on my favorite shirt and getting ready to go to the aquarium like my mom had promised... turns out she was waiting for the kids to come... so i said okk ill wait patiently and well go later. we have to go its my birthday... so then they came and my mom thought lets go to the park. but the little boy that came was a dick. my mom loved him she watched him play and run around telling him to go down the slide while her own son sat around doing jack shit because there was no one to play with... then as if i didnt feel shitty enough for that birthday my parents got me an ipad... it was the first thing i had that daisha and jeremy didnt... i was stoked. but then as soon as we got home i sat down and pulled it out... that little fucker came from behind and took it... as i tried to take it back he cried and my mom told me to stop being selfish and share... so i thought fuck it. i can play the drums for a bit. she wants to watch these kids fuck her im gonna go hit something... funny thing is she walked in with the kids a few minutes later after i started.. the little shit from before kept breathing on my back so my mom said jayden let him try... so i did. i sat on the ground next to him as he played for 30 minutes straight. i cried. my mom yelled at me to stop being a little baby and stop being so selfish... she clapped for him every five minutes when he played... she didnt even come to watch me play at my tutor or when i practiced... she doesnt know this but shes the reason i quit drumming... i loved it i really did but she put so much pressure on a ten year old who had anxiety... she really was a dick about it.

and now the big finale.

if ive learned anything in the past two days. its that i dont get shit when it comes to life. its fucked up but true. daisha? clear skin, moms project daddys princess, perfect gymnast with insane talent, four point o student, my parents proudest fuck up. and then jeremy my moms little sunshine, my dads little apprentice, my grandpas project, who was never smart but was always happy and made friends... it sucks. it sucks seeing how my dad had to care for jeremy to calm down or my mom to always give everything for a daughter who couldnt give a fuck or a dad who always shits on me for not being good enough but praises the fuckers who dont do shit. i was never the smartest, or the most talented, hell i fucking sucked at gymnastics honestly i still do and ive pretty much given up... ive never been strong enough or smart enough or had clear skin or the right personality to be friends... but there was one thing i had that jeremy and daisha didnt and that was you... my parents always get on me for how my rooms a mess, or how jeremy does so much, or daisha works so hard... but its funny... for the past two days guess who the only one whos cleaned up around the house, washed the dishes, took out the trash, played with the dogs, cleaned and cooked for everyone let them use my car.... it was me. you think im being crazy when i say i clean the table after dinner? no. i stand up after i finish eating, i take everyones plates, i put all the food and shit away. i wash the dishes and take the trash and recyclables out. i make sure the tables clean... all while daisha sits playing with ness jeremy makes fun of megan and my parents smile at their children. it sucks because i feel it a lot... like im looking at my family through a fishbowl... theyre so happy and put together and im just that kid that always follows behind. daisha always gets what benefits her and what she wants. jeremy can do whatever he wants and gets anything by being a little angel... but hell i cant get anything... honestly most of the clothes i have jeremys taken, my car everyone takes when they want, jeremy uses my couch more than i do... i do all the chores and no one realizes it... its funny when school started and i couldnt do the chores for 2 days my dad sent jeremy and i a long ass text saying how we dont help around the house... for two months straight he and my mom didnt fold clothes or put dishes away or even think to say thank you...

so heres the part where you come in.

youre mine. im not home. im in a house with my family and thats it. i was never home with them. i was always just a ghost who didnt really have a place. kind of like a puzzle with a random piece from some other puzzle... i didnt really belong... (sidenote theres a tear coming down my face right now but you wont see it) i guess the reason i hate the distance is the fact that its not fair. how jeremy still gets the girl he wants, daisha moves out and mom and dad dont give two shits... but i still cant be near the woman i love... i cant be there without driving an hour, or making things hard... i cant fucking see you...

when i say youre my home... sydney youre the first home ive ever known. no ones loved me enough to ask if ive eaten, or if im taking care of myself, hell if i told any one of my family members im sad theyll make it a lecture or make it about them... youre more of a family than ive ever had in my whole life. thats why i wanted to post this here. instead of texting you and it being lost in our messages i want you to see this whenever you forget or i forget... i want you to remember these next two sentences.. that when i say youre my home, im not being some cheesy dumb romantic with a thirst for love. im saying youre the first person ive met whos made me feel safe and secure and warm and loved... youre more of a family than ive ever known... and i know this is fucked up to say but i know i love them all like family members do... but thats not what i feel with you... with you its this whole other feeling of love... the kind you only find in a soulmate... youre asking if im alive so i guess thats where this ends... im gonna go eat some cake cause everyone else is off living their lives... i love you to the moon and back and forever and always...

<3 jayden

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