#but the way people were willing the have these girls be mistreated by that stupid company | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ladyimaginarium · 1 year ago

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mini gangsta fandom rant bc im&. annoyed bc i& remember seeing a bunch of hcs back in the day of how like. striker never cared about beretta at all whatsoever & only ever cared about marco. or ppl just blatantly erasing or removing her autonomy & influence & power in the storyline & reducing her as a prop to be used for the male characters' angst or otherwise she's just there to look pretty instead of being. yknow. a villain. or g-d forbid a person. & ignoring & erasing beretta both as an individual character but also as a major person in striker's life. or that striker's lowkey violent or abusing beretta w/ her almost always being on the receiving end of all kinds of abuse or people implying that she's just plain stupid or dedicated enough to striker to be just his toy to be used for his own pleasures or that they're not equals in any way. despite canon indicating nothing of the sort & im& just like. are. ARE WE READING THE SAME FUCKING MANGA LMAO

like. striker literally NEVER, EVER, reacts negatively to her. striker CARES for her, he RESPECTS her, he PROTECTS her, he TAKES CARE of her, he TREATS HER LIKE A PERSON. striker NEVER abuses her. he NEVER swears at her. he has NEVER told her to mind her own business, he NEVER silences her or even worse, NEVER swears at her & NEVER hurts her like he had with spas when he told striker & beretta that he wouldn't be returning to the second destroyers. he NEVER said or did anything uncouth like that to her.

if anything, it's the exact opposite.

maverick literally tells spas that beretta is striker's weakness. which, coming from someone like striker, that's a hell of a compliment. she clearly wants to fuck him & expresses sexual interest & desire for him. they're almost always touching. she reaches out to hold his hand. after she "gifts" him constance, he tells her that she's incredible.

now. does any of that look like abuse or beretta being mistreated. lol

okay cw for upcoming gore & nonexplicit discussion of csa & creeps.

he PROTECTS her. he AVENGES her. he DEFENDS HER HONOR. he CANONICALLY MURDERS HER ABUSERS. i.e chau who's a grown ass 30 year old man when beretta is. literally 13 years old. a CHILD.

the night before CURSED happens, he fucking SNAPS the minute beretta tells him that three men attacked her & kills the mfs instantly.

& VIOLENTLY at that, particularly the one that threatened to kill her & after he previously said she "came onto" them, aka, beretta, a clearly visible 13 year old child, led three grown ass men on, & he keeps beating the guy even after he's dead into a bloody mess. good on striker. & seeing how unfazed beretta is, this has likely happened before. & that realization paints a very dark & sobering picture for beretta; this is a girl who grew up too fast & striker knows this & it's because of this that he's so viciously & violently protective over her.

he saved her life before. look at the look on his face when he tells her to get the FUCK out of there. that's pure unadulterated desperation.

now. do they have issues with marco?? yeah ofc !! but. yall. yall mean to tell me& that. HE DOESNT CARE FOR HER AT ALL ????

literally look at how gentle he is with her. he doesn't just throw her ass on his back then yeet her onto the stairs, he gently places her down. then he leaves her momentarily to rest & recuperate bc he cares about her rather than selfishly going on with their plan together to... do whatever the hell they were planning on w/ daniel monroe.

when the flare happens, beretta comes to get him & he's pissed because 1) he wants to go after daniel monroe & 2) he's pissed in like that angry protective bf way that she's even there with him.

he even apologizes to her. he does so right away in fact & he does so sincerely & in a teasing, loving, lighthearted way, putting himself in a position we, the audience, never see him be willing to take ( not even in situations where it was more than warranted ) because striker is just. simply not the type to feel he owes anything to anyone & much less the type who admits when he's wrong. but most importantly, he apologizes to beretta bc he genuinely WANTs to, with not a single thought to her abilities, having no ulterior motives & no personal gain. he apologizes bc he knows he was in the wrong, that he hurt her feelings by staying away a bit from her for too long ( maybe clingy, but they're like 13 & 14 respectively here guys what do you expect y'all lmfao ), regrets that & wants to offer at least that much. & he always says "we" when referring to their plans; he includes her in their plan.

with that said, it's. VERY obvious that beretta seems to trust only striker with the softer, more vulnerable parts of her personality since he was a source of strength for her in overcoming her trauma as a child experiment & he lets her cling to him so he can comfort her & vice versa. & keep in mind the above scene is all happening while striker is holding a decapitated head & neck & shoulderblades clean off. this is from STRIKER of all people, y'know, the guy who casually choked a man to death in front of his son while on the phone with beretta simply to kill time, the guy who deadass hulk smashed his way through a building while laughing like a maniac & wiped the floor with ergastulum's high ranking twilights. this guy is soft for someone like beretta, that has to mean something bc that's impressive tbh.

he literally lets her bodily drag him around by the arm. lmao

& that doesn't change not even as grown ass adults. lmfao

literally look at his face is when he realizes that she's hurt/in danger.

& he is literally ALWAYS near her afterward to make sure she's okay & acting as a source of comfort for her when he clearly doesn't have to.

& that's not to say beretta's a weakling, no, she faced several high ranking twilights even as a tiny 13 year old girl & caused so much death & destruction to ergastulum & by the end of CURSED, all she gets is a tiny cut on her right shoulder. all of that was a game to her. striker doesn't protect her bc she's weak, he protects her bc he Wants to. we don't have a full backstory for striker or beretta for that matter yet, but i'd& bet my& money that beretta, like the other destroyers, that she struggled & was experimented on & was traumatized in the government laboratories by scientists who treated her like she wasn't even human & that she had to work her ass off to get to where she is. like. this is only one example of how horrifying their treatment was.

LITCHERAL STRAITJACKETS, WALKING ON COLD TILED FLOORS BAREFOOT & STRIKER LITERALLY HAS A MUZZLE ON HIM. that's literally so dehumanizing for anyone let alone a CHILD where they look about 6-8 years old here & even moreso for a BLACK child & just how horrible those implications are & how black boys are so often treated & it doesn't make it better that nobody else from the destroyers were seen with a muzzle on them & i& think the reason why striker cares about & i'd& argue loves beretta so much is that she never once thought of him like a monster like literally almost everyone else in the series has or as a rabid dog to be treated like the government or as a weapon to be used; to beretta, he's a person. so there's this underlying undertone & there are many canonical implications in the series that, precisely BECAUSE they both went through hell and back together as children growing up, they have an unbreakable bond that's unparalleled with anyone else in the series. & y'know, for being villains, they're actually in a healthy relationship.

beretta would do literally ANYTHING for that man & it makes me& wanna tear men in half & go clinically insane. & some ppl might find that crazy but like. if you're genuinely in love with someone & go through the same circumstances that beretta has, who wouldn't. if you haven't been abused your entire life & someone comes along in your life & they're the first person to treat you like you were an actual human being? you'd do anything for that person without question. so beretta's not "stupid" or "too devoted"; she makes her own choices. they both grew up together & witnessed unimaginable horrors & governmental abuse together, they really didn't have nothing but each other for a very long time. & then spas betrayed them, & minimi & maverick are both dead. & now only striker & beretta remain.

this is one of my& favorite scenes in the entire series. there's no dialogue shared between them, but it carries one message: I'm here for you when the whole world stands against you. they don't Need that dialogue, the way they feel for each other is in their actions. it's a really heartwarming feeling despite the tragedies & crimes they both committed. don't get me& wrong, they're both horrible people who've done horrible things to both good & innocent people & tbh overall shitty horrible people, this isn't me& justifying any of their actions or trying to woobify them ... but the fact that beretta still metaphorically, symbolically & literally stands by & behind him is just so beautiful & it shows how much she loves him ( & by doing so she's saving worick's life bc let's face it striker can very well still kill him with one arm be for fucking real ). so striker's publicly humiliated by everyone, he's called a failure to his face, he's just freshly lost his arm & his eye & he'll likely live the rest of his life disabled, mocked & shamed by everyone else, after spending his entire life trained to fight & kill for a cause that he was brainwashed by the government to believe in ... but beretta still keeps her arms around him in his moment of greatest need, & if that's not genuine love, then i& don't know what is. even after he's hurt her by possibly making her think that he values marco over her despite all she's done for him, she still holds onto him to let him know that in his most vulnerable moments, she is right there beside him holding him. she still supports while knowing that won't get her anything in return & putting his needs before hers... that's something incredibly heartwarming coming from someone as cruel, cold & cunning as beretta; this is a side of her that only striker gets the privilege of seeing. because her love for him isn't shallow, it's not based on looks, power, glory or lust alone, because if it was, she'd have left his ass right when he became disabled, it's because she loves him as a PERSON despite how fucked up he is.

regardless, they have mutual development, i'm& not necessarily confirming whether or not their relationship is mutual & romantic in nature but it's definitely obvious they're in some kind of relationship. they have a significant amount of substance ( meaningful moments from both ends, interactions, they're literally almost ALWAYS by each other' side & almost ALWAYS touching, it's heavily implied & then confirmed that they've had sex, subtext, focus, backstory, remarks from other characters, etc. ). the most selfless acts they do ( as surprising as that sounds, coming from people like them ) that we have seen them have been directly related to their feelings for each other, like saving each other's lives & putting their lives in jeopardy & throwing aside any fear in order to courageously run to each other's aid & save each other's life to do so when no one else did... & that speaks volumes. & regardless of what happens next & regardless of whether or not you ship them yourself, you have to at least recognize that they do care deeply about each other, beretta is a MAJOR person in striker's life, striker has never ONCE abused her or treated her violently, they are EQUALS although she's happy to follow his lead but isn't afraid to make her own decisions, striker PROTECTS beretta, he murdered her abusers & there is no canonical evidence for any of the aforementioned headcanons & to suggest otherwise is an insult not just to the ship but also to their individual characters. & all this coming from a CANONICALLY QUEER BISEXUAL INTERRACIAL PAIRING? that's a MASSIVE deal in animanga.

#arcana.txt #fandom: gangsta.#& like. on striker's behalf that's not even getting into the stereotypes of black men....#& how black men especially QUEER black men which striker canonically is are simultaneously oversexualized & demonized #like. please think why you would think striker's abusive towards beretta. there's literally no canon evidence for it. /nbh #idk ive& been thinking of making this for the longest time & here it is #fictives.#bellatrix belladonna / beretta.#THEY R LITERALLY CRYING SCREAMING SHITTING THROWING UP & GOING FUCKING FERAL FOR EACH OTHER & DAS FAX #& if sb dont love me& Like That then i& dont want them AT ALL !!!!#reposting this bc i tried to insert a video into the last one & couldn't edit so DFGGHFHGGJHGJHHHHJHJHHHGHHHJ #BUT W/E W/E THEY'RE INSANE FOR EACH OTHER

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journalcovrtni · 3 months ago

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In The Most Interesting Turn of Events

she gave me so much peace by admitting to me that she is in fact the low life loser I thought she was. I think she knows full well that Jordan is a piece of flaming shit and I think she likes it. I actually love that for her. I always knew they were both horrible people but more validation and confirmation is always great. I love thinking about how I dont even think of Malachi or Eli anymore and as the days pass and I go to school and take my walks and navigate this small town looking to the future, the day is getting closer and closer when I will see Jordan the same way. just a passing thought when the thought passes and nothing more. his step mom called me today because his dad thinks she told me that he was working at the bakery with his fat ass girlfriend. I didnt. I found that out all by myself when I was dropping my work equipment off right before I moved. I took E Campbell Rd and ended up seeing his car there. I put two and two together and when my mom called for the drill, she figured "if hes gonna ignore me he wont be able to ignore when I call that bitch" so she did. And his stupid ass called her back immediately like the punk bitch he is. Mark is being manipulated by his son. Jordan thinks that ignoring his parents is a good idea. theyre not getting any younger and his bio mom is already sitting pretty in a wooden box. Hes gonna be sick when something does actually happen to his dad and he looks back on how he treated him. I hope im around to see it. I will be rubbing that shit in his face. "you treated him like shit when he was here and now that hes gone you think you have the right to cry? Of course you do. You always thought you had the right to do shit that you didnt. thats 2 wooden boxes In your closet and all you have to show for it is a fat ugly girlfriend and a bunch of tools that im surprised you never sold for drugs."

It's crazy because neither of them are really a big fan of Jordans right now. but they love him because he's their son. as they should. But the way he's moving is absolutely disgusting and when he mentioned letting them meet her, they were both so mad and angry. Apparently he was like "yeah I want you to meet my girlfriend." and they were like "we already met your girlfriend...". but by then I was long gone. it's really telling when you cheat on a girl and then your parents still dont consider the one you cheated with to be the one you chose. Mark will always pretend to like her because he wants to stay in contact with Jordan who is more than willing to ignore his father regardless of how it makes him feel. Mark counts down the days when he can hear Jordans voice and Jordan doesn't give a fuck because hes an awful human being. But part of that is on Mark for allowing Jordan to play in his face like that. It's the sole reason why Jordan cant stand Pam. She wont tolerate it and if Jordan cant manipulate and mistreat you, he will discard you. Thats why if little miss Kassie thinks she wants him, she better keep on being the low life bitch he decided that he wanted because the second she stops putting up with his loser ass he will go on to one of the other girls I saw in his phone when I went through it the night I found out he was cheating. But anyways, they want nothing to do with her and theyre hoping like hell that he never gets her pregnant because then they'll be stuck with her and they know that the two of them will never be good parents. I never wanted kids and thats one of the reasons he cited for cheating on me. (what a fucking loser). Anyone that would have kids with Jordan on purpose deserves everything they get from him.

#The After Party #journalcovrtni

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starall-bright · 3 years ago

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It’s. About. Women.

So tired of the “feminism means everyone is equal and happy” or “feminism means supporting men too” like no. No it does not.

Feminism is, and should be, centered and about supporting and empowering women. Women being supported. Women being empowered. Women living dignified, safe lives without needing to worry about giving up education or work, without being dehumanized, without being stopped from prospering. Without needing to worry about rape and murder, humiliation, assault, or threats to their loved ones.

Men aren’t our responsibility. Even with the most feminism in the world, women will never truly be “superior” to men in the way you “fear” nor will we come to a point of treating many men and boys the way that they have mistreated many women and girls for centuries. We need more feminism. Period.

Also tired of the “if you’re so feminist, why do you hate other women?” discourse because the most hate received are the very people at the forefront of the women’s rights movements. For helping other women and simply speaking the truth others are afraid to, said feminists often get assaulted, stalked, even killed. The people you call “feminazis” aren’t comparable to the actual Nazis, who - like many other military forces during war-torn eras - were men. Men who raped, beat, killed, humiliated thousands of women and girls.

We can’t unconditionally smile and agree with every single woman (especially if she supports male rapists and murderers), we’re just raising our voices regarding the oppression and subjugation of women worldwide. It’s not about your personal satisfaction or definition, it’s about women needing and deserving to live safely, happily, successfully. If one woman holds other women back, that woman is not someone we will agree with. If another woman “chooses” to make stupid choices that put down women who are just trying to live their own lives, we’ll call it a stupid choice.

We don’t need to waste so much breath apologizing and clarifying that we’re not targeting men. We don’t need to waste breath praising every single woman who doesn’t agree with us. We’re targeting help for women and girls who need it and want it, by women and girls willing and able to give it. If you believe that women and girls getting closure and support is “bad for men”, you are the problem.

If you’re looking for something to twist to your definition and constantly demonize things that simply don’t revolve around you, you’re fundamentally forgetting how ideology and activism works.

We know it’s “not all men”. We know it’s “not all women agree with you.” But that doesn’t negate that feminism is needed and still should exist. Because feminism isn’t stating that men don’t deserve to exist, it’s stating women who have been put down by men and other women deserve to exist better than the state that they exist right now.

It’s. About. Women.

Let it stay that way.

#feminism #tw mention of rape #tw mention of murder #sex-based oppression #misogyny

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 4 years ago

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Tightrope Fanfic

Title: Tightrope

Summary: Virgil feels lost. It’s not a foreign feeling, especially when one is the embodiment of Anxiety. But it feels like one as he stares down at a sniffling Roman in his arms. He doesn’t know what has happened. One moment, the others are having their spat about the wedding. The next, Roman barges into his room mid-breakdown and hasn’t left since.

Pairings: platonic prinixety

Word-Count: 2.9k

Warnings: Crying, Anger, Panic, Discussion of POF, Hurt/Comfort

This is a companion fic to Safety Net, but you don’t have to read that one to understand the context of this one <3

Virgil feels lost. It’s not a foreign feeling, especially when one is the embodiment of Anxiety. But it feels like one as he stares down at a sniffling Roman in his arms. He doesn’t know what has happened. One moment, the others are having their spat about the wedding. The next, Roman barges into his room mid-breakdown and hasn’t left since.

He keeps expecting the rug to be pulled out from under him. That perhaps this is some delayed April’s Fool joke. A ploy by Remus or one of the Others to fuck with him. His mind crafts a thousand possibilities, a thousand explanations for why this can’t be reality.

Because Virgil doesn’t know how to handle a Roman who fell from a great height and shattered completely. What if he cannot put the pieces back together again? What if he messes up and makes things worse? What if he’s the one to cause this in the first place?

No, he refuses to go down that spiraling thought pattern. Because if he unravels now, then he’ll be completely useless to Roman. He compartmentalizes the fear, stuffing it away to haunt him at a later date.

Roman’s cries have died down to a few hiccuping gasps of air. The ever-poised, ever-presentable Prince of Passion is anything but. He lays in Virgil’s arms, as limp and lifeless as a doll. His white princely jacket wrinkly and half-undone, red sash hanging loosely. Virgil cannot see his eyes from underneath his rumpled, messy hair but he’s willing to bet they’re bloodshot. Virgil bits his lips as he notes the dark ichor running down Roman’s cheeks like smeared mascara.

Roman has been in his room for far too long. Especially for someone who was already in a fragile emotional state upon showing up. Virgil shouldn’t have allowed him to stay. But he couldn’t find in himself to deny Roman, not when he’d looked at Virgil with a helpless terror in his eyes. So he had chosen instead to hold onto a sobbing Roman while trying to figure out what the hell happened.

The clock in his room is hardly reliable, but he’s certain at least an hour has passed and he’s still nowhere closer than he’d been at the start. Which is that it involves the stupid wedding, Patton and Deceit. The latter of which, apparently told them his actual name. He won’t know more unless Roman divulges more. And in the swirling storm of hysteria that is his room, the chances of that happening is slim.

Before he can let doubt rake its claws into him, he pulls Roman closer to his chest and syncs out. Roman realizes a moment too late what’s happening. He lets out a startled gasp, tries pushing away, but it’s too late. With a loud crackle, they appear in the gloomy fog of a dead forest.

Roman looks around, eyebrows bunched up together. If this was any other situation, Virgil might’ve smirked.

“It’s the imagination,” Virgil says, answering the question behind Roman’s bewildered gaze, “Or at least my little pocket of it. No one will find us here.”

Well maybe except Remus, the one responsible for its creation. Virgil is hoping that today will not be the day he decides to return here for the first time in years.

Roman opens his mouth to speak, yet hesitates halfway through. He turns his head away from Virgil, shrugging. Virgil’s cold dead heart plummets at this. Roman isn’t supposed to be this defeated. He’s supposed to be stubborn, obstinate, argumentative. Virgil knows how to handle that. He knows how to bait Roman into banter, to get him to admit the root of his problems. But this? He doesn’t know how to deal with a Roman this apathetic. And that scares him.

Virgil should apologize, he thinks. After everything that happened, he hunkered down in his room. He stayed away thinking his presence would only be detrimental than beneficial. He was Anxiety after all, flight or fight. In this case, he chose flight. But obviously, like everything else in his existence, that’d been the wrong choice yet again.

He inhales deeply, his breath hitching at the last moment, the words refusing to come out. They remain stuck in clumps inside his throat, refusing to solidify into verbal spoken words. The ghostly howl of the wind is the only sound between the two.

Then Roman laughs. It sounds more like a cat hacking up a hairball than his usual melodious chuckles. It’s loud, harsh and absolutely dripping with pain. Halfway through he ends up in a coughing fit. Virgil watches, unsure how to respond.

“You were right.” Roman croaks at last, sagging heavily against a tree.

Those words aren't what Virgil likes to hear. It’s never good when he, Anxiety, is right. He’d much prefer to be proven wrong. Even if that meant Roman lording it over his head for weeks on end. It’s annoying as hell and he never thought he’d miss that until now.

Virgil swallows, pushing the sudden ache in his chest aside. He doesn’t need confirmation to know what he was right about.

Still, his heart thudding heavily in his chest, he asks anyways, “About Janus?”

Roman nods, grimacing.

“Ro, what happened?” Virgil asks, unable to hold that question within himself any longer.

The fanciful side doesn’t respond at first. His hand traces the grooves of the bark on the tree he’s leaned against. His lips twist and contort, as if fighting to find the words to say. Virgil isn’t sure if he’s ever seen Roman ever at a loss for words until now.

“I thought it was a villainous trick at first. Just another ploy to get us to trust him. I made fun of it, even. It wasn’t until the way you reacted when I mentioned it to you that I thought otherwise,” Roman says, breaking in mid-conscious thought. Something that is very Roman-like, forgetting other people can’t read his mind. There must be something in Virgil’s face because he clarifies, “Deceit’s name I mean.”

“I mean, I don’t blame you,” Virgil says slowly, toying with his hoodie strings, “He never told any of the Others.”

“But he told you?”

Now it’s Virgil’s turn to stare at the ground. The ache in his chest returns, except it’s different. It’s like a fire-pit at a summer camp-out. It’s warm and comfortable to linger next to, but stay too long and you’ll be sweltering in the unbearable suffocating heat. The same goes for thinking about the past. That’s why he hates getting nostalgic. It’s hard to reminisce about the good times without remembering why they ended.

The old him that hasn’t been extinguished yet, the one that called himself Janus’ friend, is indignant that Roman apparently made fun of Janus’ name. However the newer him that calls himself Virgil and wears the purple hoodie, isn’t. Good, he thinks, he deserves it. And he isn’t too ashamed of feeling that way. Not after the raging forest fire that burnt down their friendship in the first place.

“Yeah.” Virgil breaths out with stifled lungs. He can feel Roman’s eyes burning a hole in his head. He thinks he’d find an unspoken question in them if he looks up. He doesn’t elaborate. He isn’t in the mood for scorching his tongue on the ashes of a cremated friendship. Especially when it’d shift the focus onto him and not Roman. Something he’s certain Roman wants despite it being so rare for him to flinch away from the spotlight.

For all their vast, stark differences, they aren’t really that different when it comes down to several things, one being that neither of them like showing weakness. They are also incredibly stubborn. It just so happens Virgil has the stronger resolve at this moment.

“I trusted him,” Roman says, continuing where he’d left off, “I trusted him, I thought he’d knew best and I just wanted--”

A huff cuts off Roman’s words as he flings his arms towards the sky. He paces in front of Virgil, muttering bits and pieces too quick for him to understand. Perhaps he does need to share a little. Just to help Roman know and understand he isn’t alone.

“Listen, I get it,” Virgil says, “I also trusted Janus once too--”

“No, it wasn’t Janus--well, yes, but--” Roman yanks at his hair, “I meant Patton!”

Patton? Virgil feels as if he'd been riding on the flying magic rug from Aladdin. Only the magic rug has been ripped from underneath him and now he’s freefalling into a waterfall full of sharp pointy rocks at the bottom.

He’d thought he knew where this conversation was heading except now he’s lost more than ever before. He needs a minute to breathe, to process what’s happening. Roman doesn’t give him that. He pushes on, shaking his head like a riled-up mistreated stallion from a horse girl movie.

“I wanted to do what was right for Thomas and--and Patton has always known what’s right, right?”

He gazes desperately at Virgil, searching for reassurance, for affirmation. Virgil’s heart sinks. He can't honestly give that to Roman, though he'd love to give Roman whatever his heart desires to stop his pain.

Patton tries his best, he really does. But even he is wrong sometimes. He has made mistakes, ones that have hurt Virgil himself both past and present. And although Virgil has forgiven him, it doesn’t change the fact that even their softest puffball isn’t always right.

He can tell Roman realizes that by the way his scowl grows bigger.

“Am I too dimwitted?” Roman growls, “Was I the only one foolish enough to believe that? Just like believing that I could truly be--be--”

He lets out a tormented scream, slumping down against a tree. Head bowed, knees drawn close, arms pulled tightly around himself. Virgil stands a few feet away, still so far from understanding as he was when Roman first appeared in his room. Only that apparently he needed to kick both Janus’ and Patton’s collective asses.

Virgil withholds a sigh as he crouches down next to Roman.

A gloomy fog hardly provides the best lighting. It’s better than the dark murkiness of his room, however, and it’s here that he notices something. A blueish-purple splotch of something. Just barely poking out of Roman’s collar. It’s then, Virgil remembers that a metaphoric “bruised ego” is anything but metaphoric for one metaphysical entity such as Roman, Creativity and Ego in one.

“Princey,” Virgil says, his voice unusually level, “did you get hurt by what happened earlier?”

Roman doesn’t answer his question. Not directly at least. “Lee and Mary Lee hardly spoke to Thomas at the wedding, did you know that?”

“Yeah,” Virgil bites his lips, “I knew that.”

It’s a rhetorical question. Of course Virgil knows--he’s a part of Thomas. He’d been with Thomas during the wedding. The leg bouncing up and down in an anxious jitter. Directing the eyes away from the merriment of the wedding and towards that pointless moronic mobile game. The clenching feeling in Thomas’ throat during the brief interaction with Lee and Mary Lee. He hadn’t even been able to say hello because of Virgil.

He’d tried so hard to hold back, to not torment Thomas with his decision anymore than his host had already endured. It didn’t really matter in the end. As Thomas finally slipped away from the wedding, so had Virgil slipped into his room. He ignored the muffled noises of the debate erupting outside the mindscape. Why show his face when Thomas already knew what his input would be? Or knowing what he’d once been, for that matter? Or at least, that had been his justifications at the time.

“Which hardly seems fair! After what I--Thomas sacrificed to be there for them. B-but it’d been the right decision, right?” Roman laughs, shaking his head. He doesn’t wait for an answer as he pushes on, “Was it too selfish to expect more? To think that making the right decision would result in an award?”

Virgil stays silent. Morality isn’t his forte; sure as Anxiety he often cautioned Thomas to follow societal rules. It’s often easier to go with the current rather than fight against it. So he’s hardly the most reliable source of it.

And as for his role, both the wedding and the call-back offered the same amount of dread. After all, he’s Anxiety. It’s literally his job to nitpick and point out every single thing a situation could go wrong, no matter how improbable or absurd. Unlike Roman, he’d be lying if he said he was surprised by the outcome of the wedding. It’s not far off from what he had predicted.

On the flipside, he could offer a million ways of how the audition could’ve ended poorly. A tear in Thomas’ pants mid-audition. Thomas blanking out on a crucial line. A meteor falling from the atmosphere and effectively crushing Thomas to death. Okay, that last one is highly improbable but it could still happen! You never know!

Regardless, he doubted any of that is what Roman needed to hear.

“I trusted him. He’d said it’d been the right decision when I made it. And I believed him.” Roman scoffs.

Virgil frowns, cautiously sitting a few feet away from Roman. He chooses not to look him in the eye, treating him as if he’s an easily-startled wild creature.

“Y’know, he and I are going through a bit of a rough patch. He’s trying his best, I know he is. But take it from me--sometimes someone’s best isn’t always good enough. And I think it’s okay if it...takes time for you to forgive Patton.”

“No!”

“No?”

“I mean,” Roman lets out a frustrated scream, “I don’t know! Before, there was a script, a stage, parts to play. Ones I had intimately memorized! But it’s as if it’s before the curtain rises before the opening show and the director has thrown out the script completely. He expects me after years of practice to perform something I’ve never seen--that even he has no concept of what it looks like and h-how is any actor expected to perform in such conditions?”

A light-bulb finally goes off in Virgil’s head.

“You’re...angry at Thomas, aren’t you?”

Roman flinches as he’d been struck, throwing his body backwards harshly against the tree. He looks hardly affected by it as he scrambles quickly to his feet.

“Wh-what? No! That’s absurd!” Roman protests, “I’m not angry at Thomas--”

“But you are,” Virgil interrupts, rising to his feet, “You’re angry at both Patton and Janus, yeah, but they’re just targets to throw your misplaced anger at. Because you don’t want to admit it’s actually Thomas--”

“Yes, because you’re wrong, Mary Mary Q-quite Misconstrued!” Roman puffs up his chest, trying to keep his head high, “I--I’d never, I can’t hate Thomas--”

“Whoa, I didn’t say you hated him,” Virgil says, gently tugging Roman’s hands into his own, “there’s a difference between being mad at someone for something, and hating them.”

Roman looks at him with almost a wild gaze to his eyes, so close to almost hyperventilating. Virgil can almost see the invisible cracks in Roman’s skin, his multitude of facades peeling away before Virgil’s eyes. He looks at Roman and sees himself.

“I used to think they were the same thing,” Virgil begins, “But they’re not. Hate is when you abhor ill will towards someone, when you wish them dead or worse. Anger...anger is just a form of fear. And it’s okay to feel and experience that anger, you don’t have to repress it.”

“I’m not scared of Thomas,” Roman scoffs, his gaze drawn to the forest floor rather than Virgil.

“But you are afraid that if Thomas can accept Janus and possibly Remus, then he could just as easily change his mind regarding you, right?” Virgil questions, “You’re afraid because all you've ever done has been in Thomas’ best interest and suddenly now you’re being told all it’s done is hurt him. You’re afraid but you don’t want to admit it, so you turn to anger instead because that’s better than being scared, right?”

“I’m not…” Roman trails off, clenching his jaw. Virgil is fully expecting to get punched by the way his body tenses up. Roman does lunge towards him just then, arms flailing out. Virgil doesn’t even have a chance to raise his arms up in defense before he gets an armful of blubbering prince once more.

“I’m supposed to be Thomas’ hero, he told me I was, but what if I’m not? W-what if I never was? And--and I have to be good, Virgil, I can’t be evil--”

Roman lets it all go then. It’s a tidal wave of anxiety and fears, of self-doubt and self-deprecation. Almost any other person would become overwhelmed by how much perturbation Roman’s kept hidden all these years. But Virgil is Anxiety, his realm is terror and trepidation. He’s experienced every fear-induced thought and more under the sun. He understands it better than perhaps anyone else ever could.

He knows Roman will most likely clam up after today. That later on, they’ll need to address these things in detail and take care of the bruises mottling his skin. Roman will need encouragement to rebuild his confidence and to turn away from self-destructive habits. Both of which are things that Virgil struggles with all too well. He knows it to feel as impossible as walking across a tightrope blindfolded. Right now, however, all Roman needs is for someone to listen.

And so listen Virgil does.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #prinixety #kat writes

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falllingstyles · 4 years ago

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Spreading you open is the only way of knowing you

Y/N isn’t quite ready to be with Harry the way he wants, resulting in many nights of unspoken words and sweaty bodies.

2.5k words // TW: mentions of sex and minor mistreatment (can’t exactly call it abuse but it wasn’t love or an appropriate relationship)

The cacophony of noise from the city below was no match for what had echoed from the walls of Y/N’s flat for the past twenty minutes. She was sure she would be quite embarrassed to see her neighbors the next morning with the noises that were undoubtedly loud enough to be heard through the walls. She was even more embarrassed by the thought of them not even being phased anymore. But her discomfort was worthwhile as they all kept their mouths closed.

The sight of Harry Styles frequenting her front door was something they saw quite often, and the shock of a massive celebrity leaving out the same door the next morning had worn off over the past few years. Meeting the year of his second to last tour with One Direction, the two had grown close behind closed green room doors and over long phone calls. But it wasn’t until he left the band that Y/N had noticed a change between them. It was quite crazy to think of how that change let them to their position now.

Y/N laid on her bed, basking in the shadow that Harry’s body created, watching his chest rise and fall as he slowly fell back onto the sheets. Taking one last moment to right himself, he ran his hands through his hair, despite it being far too obviously unkempt to pass as simply bedhead. After seeing his hair look so many different ways over the years, his hair after her hands ran through it was easily the best looking, but she’d never admit it.

He looked down at her, finding her stare within seconds as he always did. His eyes had become such a comfort, that it was hard to picture a night without them roaming over her body like they had done for years now.

His smile, ever-present, was different. His eyebrows slightly furrowed, Y/N could tell he was thinking hard. Struggling to find the words he was searching for, Y/N simply ran her hands along his bicep, hoping it would bring him some solace.

“I’ve, uh, got to go to Bath next week to work on something I wrote a little bit ago.”

Y/N perked up. “A song! You’ve written a song!”.

He giggled a bit, “Well it is my job.” The nerves washed over him again, the song he had written wasn't something he really wanted to have to explain to her. The inspiration coming after a difficult night they had spent together while on a break from his first tour. “But, me and some guys found a great studio there and I think it’d be nice to hash it out with them.”

Y/N propped he head up now, closer to Harry’s lips than he thought he could handle. “For a second album?” She whispered, trying to hide her excitement at the possibility.

Trying his best to conceal the truth - behind both the prospect of a second album or the fact that it was entirely thanks to her - but ultimately failing, Harry nodded. Y/N didn’t even bother to cover herself up, leaping from her position under the sheets to straddle Harry, whispering about her excitement.

He lifted her off his torso and more onto his chest, with the anterior motive of not being able to handle another round of her body atop his waist, and basked in her excitement.

“That’s wonderful Harry, I'm so happy for you. How fun! A new album, more pretty suits, more touring.”

“Maybe you’ll come along for more of it this time”. He asked apprehensive, not being able to muster the courage to look into her eyes.

Y/N moved further from his body, letting out a small laugh. “Me?”

“Me?”

It was obviously not the response he was expecting to hear, such was evident in his rapidly falling smile.

“Who else?” He asked slowly.

“A real date?”, she asked.

“Yeah,” He said, his confidence from only a few moments earlier almost completely gone, “At the place Ben was telling us about.”

“That restaurant is always jam-packed with people, I don’t think-”.

“We don’t have to go to that restaurant, there’s a nice trail-”.

“A trail? Harry, I’m not quite sure I could...”

Fumbling over every word made the thoughts race through her head even faster. Not a single cohesive idea was around long enough before the fear of being seen shot it down. The cameras, the fans, the press. She could see the headlines now, ones calling her a slag and a gold digger, the posts making assumptions about her and her relationship with Harry. Comparing her to his past girlfriends, the girls with ultra-slim waists and perfect pouts.

“It’s alright we don’t have to do anything big, I just wanted to-.” He muttered whilst reaching out to caress her thigh. A nervous habit she noticed he had over the past two months since she met him.

“No, we can’t do anything.” She said louder, cutting him off again. Her breathing became heavier, and the feeling of his eyes on her was unbearable.

The ‘anything’ that he was referring to was a broad range, one in which they both were scared to breach the subject of. Admit that they had both thought of some sort of future together, in which all their worries melted away with a simple touch. A future full of late nights and hectic mornings, picking children up from school, eating a big dinner, and asking how their days went. A future that started with a date, and led to many many more.

After a long pause, filled only with the sound of their heavy breaths, he whispered; “You don’t want to go out on a date with me?

“I can’t”, Y/N choked out.

“You don’t want to be with me?” She could see the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“I do, I just can’t”. Just the same as she couldn’t tell him how deeply in love with him, that every beat of her heart was for him. She loved him, but what came with his heart wasn’t something she could carry.

“Nobody has to know, no one but our friends. I know you don’t like the paparazzi but-“

“What kind of relationship would that be! We just fuck in private and pretend we don’t know each other in public?”

Funnily enough, it was exactly what they ended up doing. When you researched ‘Y/N L/N’ online all that came up was her name and photo from the ‘about us’ page of the production company she worked for, just as she liked it.

If you really looked hard enough in the foreground of a few photos of Harry taken at restaurants or beaches you could spot her, but her face among their sea of friends wasn’t one worth recognizing. Despite Harry saying otherwise. He didn’t often pay attention to the people who called themselves fans of his when they picked apart the photos transpiring from invasive cameras with too bright flashes. But when some would pick up on a glance between the two of them, a grappling of hands, or a stolen smile he couldn’t help but dwell on it. He understood what simply being seen with him brought upon her, but is he too optimistic for thinking she’d ever be willing to endure it for him?

It was easy for Y/N to ignore the fact that their relationship, or whatever it was called, had become exactly what she didn’t want it to be. The moments in which she would look at him and wonder what it is they were doing would end as his lips would be on hers in an instant.

It wasn’t that they didn’t have anything else to do, they spent a very long time as nothing more than friends and they undoubtedly had fun. Being able to wander the halls of arenas, gorging on expensive foods in restaurant back rooms, and jumping off yachts. Until things became - complicated - they never doubted their friendship. There were no secrets that they hadn’t whispered to each other under the cover of a starry night. Or so they thought.

Y/N couldn’t believe what they had done, not that she could bring herself to fully regret it, but having sex with her best friend for the past three months - even after she turned him down - was something she could never have imagined. She had sat at his kitchen island many times beforehand, but never after having just been underneath him. She watched as he meticulously placed the cheese for his quesadilla at the stove in front of her. He had insisted he make them a small meal after she had mentioned hardly eating much of a dinner.

Harry had always taken very good care of her, but this was different. He always paid for meals no matter Y/Ns resistance, invited her to parties with his hot shot friends, and gave her gifts she never felt she fully deserved. But this wasn’t something she had ever really had before, this realization being so profound that she told him. He grinned, now focusing on chopping the onions. The sizzling in the pan filled the kitchen, filling the void of silence that Y/N was debating breaking.

“Ryan was never so … gentle with me”.

The sizzling continued, but Harry paused. After Ryan had broken up with Y/N she had spent the proceeding two weeks at his flat watching shitty TV and crying into his shirts.

“Ryan wouldn't have made you a meal…. after?” Harry asked, not daring to breach the subject of what they had just done.

“I mean, sometimes he would but I’m talking about … when we…” Y/N felt like a child, she couldn’t say it. Couldn’t say a stupid word. Harry’s head whipped to her, an unrecognizable expression on his face. “He didn’t like … do anything” referring to one of her worst fears “but … sometimes I wasn’t able to tell him to loosen his grip or slow down when I needed him to.”

Harry had done everything she had told him to. When she asked him to change positions, he obliged without a second thought. Telling him where to put his hands, what she liked, and how fast to go. But not only could she feel his consideration with every stroke, but something else as well. Something that they shied away from at every second except for in bed.

He didn’t expect her to laugh at his question, after having spent so many nights hyping himself up to ask it. Trying to remind himself that Y/N was his friend and that he would take a question like that seriously (because she’s always taken his other serious questions with the reaction he’s hoped for in the past). He looked into her eyes, a pair that he thought of in the moments before he fell asleep. She quickly realized the seriousness in his face and moved a bit further across the bed. Despite not being able to make it far considering the mass of pillows along the edge.

Harry wanted nothing more than to reach out to her, but it was obvious at this point, six years into their friendship and three years into whatever it was they were doing now, that there was no point. Not unless she was underneath him could he evoke the reactions he wanted from her. The careless smiles of absolute bliss were like a secret he could only be privy to at night.

“I… I’m sorry Harry, you know that I ca-“

“You can't do what!? Y/N? You can’t…”

Y/N’s suddenly felt every inch of her body that was touching Harry’s, his torso underneath her, her feet at his thighs. Every inch burned. The affection that had just been pouring out of her, both emotionally and physically to both their delights, had suddenly run dry. There was nothing but unsaid words and rumpled sheets now, the passion long gone.

Y/N could never tell if what they had been doing for months was ruining their friendship, or that their friendship ended the second that he leaned in and kissed her that night in New York all those years ago.

Y/N could never understand how someone could ever say that the magic to being in New York City could ever be lost. She had lived in her apartment for a few months now, and it was easy to say that she loved it. A space to herself, if you ignored her three roommates of course. It was only temporary of course, being needed back in London in six months, but there was no way she was going to sit idly by and let those six months slip away.

Making her extra grateful to have Harry come visit. Y/N had fixed the creases on her comforter at least nine times before she received his text telling her he was on her way up. Sprinting past her roommate's doors and into their well-decorated foyer she stood excitedly waiting for him.

The second Harry stepped in before he even got a chance to look around - there was Y/N running toward him - she had a hard blazing look in her face as she threw her arms around him. And without thinking, without planning it, without worrying about the fact that the roommates he had heard plenty about were watching, Harry bent down and kissed her. After several long moments, or it might have been half an hour (or possibly several sunlit days) they broke apart.

The grin that had been on both of their faces only moments before was still plastered on their faces but now covered with cherry red lipstick. Lipstick that Y/N rushed to wipe off Harry’s soft lips as she slowed her breathing to avoid the person attached to the footsteps that were steadily growing louder.

But with each kiss, they communicated just what they couldn’t say out of bed. The words that they could hardly even dare to think, let alone say out loud. So when it came to conversations in the space they usually used for sex, it became difficult. Leading them to one of their two usual answers. Have sex, and if they already did, have sex again, but ultimately to leave and pretend like it hardly ever happened.

So, when Harry watched Y/N slowly crawl off the side of the bed, he could hardly force words to come out. Only being able to push a final “Why can’t you? Y/N? please.”

The tension grew stronger with each article of clothing Y/N put back on. She took her time meticulously fixing the hem of her shorts to ponder his question. Why? Why couldn’t she? But, she was already two steps from the door. Leaving the room that fostered the only space Harry and Y/N would truly allow themselves to be open.

I’ve never written for Harry before so go easy on me please! I really do like this though, it was a lot of fun!

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mst3kproject · 4 years ago

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The Ape

In the vein of movies that should not be confused with eerily similar previous entries, The Ape is distinct from The Ape Man... but not by much. Both feature a slumming horror superstar, glandular secretions, and a stupid gorilla suit. All these things also showed up in early seasons of MST3K, of course, and The Ape Man also has a surprise bonus. Apparently, the guy in the gorilla costume is none other than Crash Corrigan, of Undersea Kingdom!

Long ago, Dr. Adrien lost his daughter to polio, and ever since he's been obsessed with finding a cure. That sounds pretty noble, but unfortunately, Adrien is a mad doctor, so the cure he comes up with requires killing healthy people to drain them of their cerebralspinal fluid! In order not to arouse suspicion, he kills and skins a gorilla that escaped from a circus, and wears its hide when he murders people... you know, as one does. To nobody's surprise but his, he ends up getting shot, but hey, at least he cured beautiful young Frances' paralysis!

This is a weird, dumb movie but one thing I can say in its favour is that everybody seems to have given it a good try. This material was far beneath Boris Karloff but he takes it seriously and actually gets a couple of decent moments, as does Maris Wrixton (who was also in The Face of Marble) as Frances. Nobody else is even close to Karloff's level, being just bland 40's actors who talk too fast, but none of the main cast are phoning it in, either.

Conversely, the worst thing in the movie is its truly horrendous gorilla suit. The puppet face shows the actor's eyes and can curl its lip, which is cool, though the features don't look very gorilla-ish. The rest of the suit, however, is terrible. It's way too shaggy and in order to give it a gorilla-like silhouette, they stuck a big hunchback on it. This might have worked if Corrigan had tried to walk on all fours like gorillas actually do, but instead he waddles along upright like a toddler with a full diaper, which ruins it. The people who made the movie also appear to think gorillas are nocturnal which, for the record, they are not.

Gorillas were kind of a big thing in movies of the 40's and 50's. The species had been scientifically described a century earlier, but hadn't really been studied until the 1920s and most people had never seen one outside of King Kong. Films of the period were not kind to the gorilla. One of the first gorilla movies was 1930's Ingagi, which purported to be a documentary about gorillas kidnapping women as sex slaves. That kind of set the tone, and subsequent movies depicted gorillas as creatures prone to violence and rape. Examples from this blog alone are numerous: The Ape Man (1940), Panther Girl of the Kongo (1955), and Bride of the Gorilla (1951) for starters... Robot Monster (1953) might also count.

The Ape has a slightly more nuanced approach to gorilla behaviour. Yes, its gorilla does maul people to death... but the first victim is its trainer, who has been shown mistreating it. Another circus employee even tries to tell him that he'll catch more flies with honey. When the ape batters its way into Dr. Adrien's house, it does so in order to get at the trainer's coat, which Adrien left draped over a chair when the dying man was brought to him for treatment. We see far more fear of the escaped ape than we do of the animal itself, and it does not commit near as many murders as Adrien does while dressed in its skin!

So that's halfway progressive for the 1940s. We can also look at the treatment of Frances, the wheelchair-user partially paralyzed by polio. She is clearly meant to be an object of the audience's pity, and Adrien is obsessed with making her able to walk again – as he could not do for his own daughter. To some extent the movie infantilizes her, as she is clearly dependent on her mother, unable to have much of a social life, and her boyfriend Danny professes his willingness to 'take care of her'. When she regains movement in her legs at the end of the movie, she and her mother immediately burn her wheelchair. Apparently she's not allowed to build up her stamina slowly... if she walks ten minutes from home and then can't continue, she's just gotta sit there until she recovers or somebody finds her.

On the other hand, Frances' family aren't trying to force Adrien's possible cure on her, but let her choose it for herself. Her mother doesn't mind looking after her, and Danny is happy to accommodate her by, for example, hiring a cart so she can accompany him to the circus. Danny in particular is very suspicious of the fact that the injections Adrien gives to Frances are causing her pain, and takes the doctor to task for it, telling him he would rather have her disabled and happy than walking but in pain. “I'd rather carry her around all my life!” he says. Her loved ones are willing to try for the cure, but it doesn't seem like anyone will be miserable if it fails. Frances herself wistfully admires the acrobats at the circus, but shows no anger or bitterness that she cannot be like them.

Frances is even allowed some initiative, as she hurries down the road in her wheelchair calling to Dr. Adrien and trying to warn him that the gorilla is in the area. This, ironically, is what leads to Adrien getting shot, as it attracts the attention of the posse hunting the animal. But as Adrien lies dying, he gets to see Frances standing for the first time in ten years, so I guess we're meant to think this was all worth it.

But was it? Several people died in order to provide the spinal fluid that helped Frances heal. The movie shows them as terrified of Dr. Adrien and/or the gorilla, but other than that it is oddly uninterested in their fates. None of the deaths are presented as tragedies, with families left in mourning... the only family we hear about for the gorilla trainer is a father who is already dead, and another one of the victims was an asshole who told his wife if she didn't like him cheating on her she could always drown herself(!??). So... are we supposed to think they don't matter? That their deaths are acceptable because they helped Frances – who was not dying or even deteriorating, and was satisfied with her life as it was – to a cure?

It is notable that we do not see what happens when Frances finds out that people had to die for her to be able to walk. She would have to reassess her opinion of Dr. Adrien, whom until now she has thought of as a loving father figure. She would have to figure out what this means for her future and perhaps need reassurance that she is not culpable. Her unconcerned happiness at the end suggests that nobody bothered to tell her, and that she has not yet made the connection herself. This is really quite unfortunate, because it deprives Frances of her only real chance to be a character rather than a plot point – which is ultimately all she is here.

Nobody else is shown dealing with the aftermath, either. The town has long mistrusted Dr. Adrien because of rumours that he was experimenting on his patients, and a recent spate of missing dogs is shown to be his fault. An early scene shows a group of boys bothering the doctor by throwing rocks at his house (which made me wonder if toilet paper hadn't been invented yet. According to Wikipedia, it dates to 1857, so there's your Fun Fact for the day). Seeing their worst fears realized really ought to have some effect on the people. Even if nobody bothers to tell Frances how her miraculous cure was effected, others will surely figure it out and have to weigh up what he achieved versus the crimes he committed to get there.

Yeah, I know: this is a movie about a guy killing people while wearing a dead gorilla. I'm thinking too hard.

Finally, I want to note some interesting possible connections between The Ape and a number of other movies I've seen. Both The Ape and The Ape Man appear to have been inspired by the 1932 movie Murders in the Rue Morgue, which also features a gorilla and injections of bodily fluids in the name of mad science, and did not feature very much resemblance to Edgar Allen Poe's story of the same name. I don't know if these films directly inspired each other, and it's been ages since I saw Rue Morgue... but the combination of plot elements here seems weirdly specific to be something different people came up with independently. I should watch all three again and see if I notice any more similarities between them.

There are also interesting likenesses between The Ape and another Boris Karloff movie, 1945's The Grave Robber. The latter is the story of a doctor who needs fresh corpses as part of his research, which culminates in surgery to allow a paralyzed girl to walk again. The doctor in this film is more a victim than a villain, himself, as he finds that the man he's been paying to rob graves for him is actually murdering the homeless, and he can't expose this criminal without jeopardizing his work and incriminating himself. It's been a long time since I saw this movie, either (as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I've had some shit going on and I haven't had a lot of time for movies, bad or otherwise), so I can't actually say if it's better than The Ape, but it's definitely less silly.

Anyway, the moral of this story is vaccinate your fucking kids or a gorilla will kill you.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the ape #40s #guys in gorilla suits #tw: rape #allow me to recommend a better movie #we're running out of plots

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a-master-procrastinator · 3 years ago

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🩸 and 🩺 for Jett???

Also sending hugs your way, finding a job really is a struggle but I know you can make it 💗

Thank you 💖

🩸 - Does your OC believe in blood being thicker than water? (meaning family relationships and loyalties are the most important)

In short, yes, family is one of the most important things in her life, it just doesn't have to be birth family. (I could say there are maybe two more things that are on the same level of importance: hunt, the challenge, the thrill of danger, adventure; and being a mandalorian, but nothing goes above family)

For Jett, family is people who you bond with, who you go through many adventures, bad times and good times together, who you understand and they understand you, you share a lot of moments. Basically, people that she has built close relationships with, friendly or romantic. She knows that family by blood can suck since her early years, because most of her blood relatives never interacted with her, and the most she knows about them is they mistreated her parents in some way. Then Jett gets another experience about this when her own father left her on Nar Shaddaa.

🩺 - Does your OC accept help easily? Are they willing to admit when they need help?

That changes throughout her life and depends on what kind of help we're talking about.

Before being left alone on Nar Shaddaa (when she had father and friends), Jett didn't have many problems with accepting help. At that point she knew that her family's safety was possible thanks to help from Raen's parents by a lot, so she didn't see shame in it. However, she didn't want to burden her father with emotional problems because he already had a lot going on (and, frankly, wasn't perfectly suited for it). Luckily, her friends could always listen.

Then comes living on her own. Trying to survive on Nar Shaddaa was tough, especially when most people wouldn't bother hiring a 14 y.o. girl (as a bounty hunter), so Jett had to work twice as hard and forget about help from others in fear to be seen as weak. That, of course, haven't always turned out as planned, but who gives a damn. Eventually, as she gained some reputation, Jett allowed herself to accept help in unfamiliar areas (like medical help, gathering intel, slicing, repairing, etc), so at start of the class story she is fine with having to work with Braden and his people (as long as they keep it professional ofc). But hoo boy admitting that she needs emotional support is impossible. Just complete shutdown from others. Lone wolf and all that.

When the Great Hunt starts, Jett has to work with Mako, and that changes things. First, the Great Hunt jobs were tougher than others, and usually required help, so she had to admit that trying to get it all alone is stupid death wish. However, Jett still tries to deal with her emotional baggage by herself, though there's progress - she bonds with the crew and at least sometimes shares problems. Over the course of class story and first two expansions it gets better.

And when you start to think that all is going well, KotFE happens and her life is screwed again. Handling the Alliance stuff wasn't just difficult, it was unfamiliar, and yet at early stages Jett again tries to do things by herself while still not refusing to be the leader (it's fascinating how she manages to do that, Lana had to forcefully put her to sleep a couple of times). Fortunately, that doesn't last for too long.

#sorry brain is scrambled egg #thanks you again! was having many thoughts but brain refused to put the words together #and there is so much stuff i want to flesh out abt my characters but i don't think i have enough energy or skill #but these asks definitely give me some motivation :)#swtor #aks meme #oc:jett #palepinkycat #also if all goes right i've got the job #now all i need is to stay there longer than 3 months (that would be a record)#ask game #legacy (verse): lette

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buriednurbckyrd · 4 years ago

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The Breakup Box (3)

Not here, was her first thought. It was too personal, too intimate to have the conversation when she slept. But where? What could be neutral ground but also private enough that no one else could overhear what needed to be said?

“The water,” she blurted out. “I mean...” She paused and swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes. We do need to talk, but can you meet me over by the water in a few minutes?” Bucky's face remained impassive but Steve nodded.

“Okay, five minutes. We'll meet you there.” He started to turn but Bucky held his arm out to stop him.

“So you can have a chance to bolt? I don't think so, we'll go together.”

“Come on, Buck.” Steve sighed.

“No, that's fair.” Y/N said quietly. “I wasn't going to leave,” she shot Bucky a pleading look as if silently begging him to believe her. “But I haven't exactly given either of you reason to trust me not to.” She turned and took a zippered hoodie from her closet and slipped it on. There was a chill around her and she expected it would linger until the air was cleared. Knowing they would follow behind, she started walking.

What would she even say? Before she had seen them she thought she had known. It was completely foreign experience for her. There were never awkward silences between the three of them, she could tell them anything and everything. Hadn't Bucky been willing to share the darkest parts of his past? And Steve was always telling her stories of their childhood, good and bad. She hesitated for a moment at the door, overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions. Fear licked up her spine and her entire body went numb with it.

“Y/N?” Steve touched her shoulder gently and it jolted her back to reality. She shoved the door open and forced her legs to continue to move. Her chest tightened and she fought the urge to hyperventilate and kept her breaths deep and even. She realized the only thing she wanted was one of their hugs which never failed to make her feel safe and secure. Another icy shard bloomed in her belly at the thought. She prayed after it was over that could still be an option.

They followed her to the casual seating area by the large pond on the property. The late afternoon sun gleamed over the water. It was tranquil and quiet. Y/N was too full of anxious energy to sit so she paced. Steve nudged Bucky with his elbow.

“Be patient, okay?” He said quietly. “She's here, that's half the battle. Let her go at her own pace.” Bucky replied with an annoyed sound, but he made no move to prod Y/N along.

“Could you, I don't know…just sit down or something?” She finally said after a long silence. “You're making me more nervous standing like that.” Steve settled down on a bench and gestured at Bucky to join him. She stopped in front of them and looked up. “I don't even know where to begin.” She told them, misery written all over her face.

“Could start with an apology.” Bucky muttered under his breath and grunted when Steve kicked his shin.

“I really do apologize for how I acted,” she wrung her hands together. “Neither of you did anything wrong and I should have just been honest.” She pressed her fingers over her eyes, refusing to cry. “I'm so, so sorry. I've been dealing with a lot of shit but there's no excuse for treating either of you like I did.” Steve leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“What happened, Y/N? I just want to understand.” He looked over at the other man. “We want to understand.”

“Short story? I got dumped. And before that, I was totally humiliated.” Bucky crossed his arms.

“Gonna need the long story, sweetheart.” The pet name, however briskly delivered gave her a small flame of hope.

“I figured.” She began to pace again. “I was a fucking idiot. I planned this whole getaway because I couldn't see what was right in front of me. And that's embarrassing enough on its own, but it gets worse. I told him, hey, you always plan our dates let me do this. Booked a fancy hotel room, probably the nicest place I've ever stayed in my whole life. Tony helped me get a reservation at this amazing new sushi restaurant, which I thought would be such a great surprise since he had mentioned wanting to try it when it opened.

And like a chump I didn't notice how antsy he was about it all. Disappeared when I checked us in. Practically sprinted to the room.” She let out a bitter laugh. “Tried to sweet talk me out of going to dinner. Which I almost fell for, but I had a brand new dress and I wanted to wear it. I wanted to go eat world class cuisine with my boyfriend and feel like a princess.” She chewed on her thumbnail. “Everything went smooth a silk. I felt pretty, the food was incredible, so far it was a perfect night. Then on our way out he suddenly turns green. Not because the food didn't agree with him, but because we run into a group of his friends. And introduces me as a client.”

“Excuse me?” Steve sounds stunned.

“Yup. Not his girlfriend of nearly ten months. A client of the company he works for.”

“Why?” Bucky demands.

“Oh believe me, as soon as we were alone I asked. Kind of wish I didn't.” She gestured at her body. “Because of this. Because according to him, I don't look like a believable romantic partner for him.”

“You're fucking joking.”

“Hand to god, Buck. I have more stamina than he could ever hope to achieve, not to mention the fact that I could literally hand him his own ass. But because I don't look a certain way, don't meet some set of societal standards I wasn't good enough to be seen with him by people he knew. Then all those nagging little red flags were suddenly clear as day. He always took me to obscure little places. Never any place popular or busy if we went out. Most of the time he invited me to his place for dinner and I thought it was sweet and romantic that he wanted to cook for me. He made me into a fool.”

“Please tell me you don't believe that,” Steve stood up and grabbed her hands. “Y/N, you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life, inside and out. That guy is the one that should be ashamed.” She smiled softly and drew her hands back.

“Thanks. I know he's the one that's lacking. He's the one that isn't good enough for me. But it doesn't mean that it didn't sting.” She blew out a long breath. “Him coming back to the hotel to drop of that box of my belongings was a pretty big slap in the face too. Just let all the hotel staff know how stupid I was.”

“Stop saying that,” Bucky finally spoke up. “I can't stand it when you put yourself down.”

“Sorry,” she scrubbed her hands over her face. “I know it's a bad habit.”

“Y/N, why didn't you end it then and there? Why did you let him break it off?” Steve asked.

“Because I was a coward, don't argue with me right now Bucky, I was. And even though he was wrong about almost everything he wasn't about the biggest issue.” Her heart started to race, was she actually going to do this?

“What issue?” Bucky prompted. She looked at the both of them, eyes sad.

“I didn't really want to be with him. If I had, I never would have overlooked all the ways he mistreated me, disrespected me. Every resentment and accusation just spilled out then, and there was absolutely nothing I could do or say because it was all true.” She couldn't stop the tears any more, and it felt like weakness. “Shit, I wasn't going to cry. I'm not trying to get pity or anything.”

“Didn't think that for a second.” Bucky said softly, his heart ached for his friend.

“Everything is my fault,” she said bitterly. “I did the only thing I promised I would never do, I lied. To him, to myself.” She choked on a sob. “To both of you.” Steve reached out for her. “No, don't.”

“What are you talking about? What did you lie about?” His blue eyes were so full of concern. She shook her head violently.

“I can't tell you!” She yelled. “But I can't not tell you either!”

“Y/N, please whatever it is-”

“I can't be around you anymore and keep it in, that's why I keep running away. But if I tell you and lost you both I couldn't bear it!” She held her head in her hands and trembled. Both men tried to get a hold of her but she dodged them.

“There's nothing you could say that would make us walk away from you.” Bucky said in a thick voice.

“He's right, you're our girl, Y/N.” Steve meant it to be comforting but it only upset her more.

“Am I though?” She wiped her eyes furiously. “Because I love you.” She looked at them both, and her shoulders slumped. “I'm in love with you, both of you.” Steve and Bucky could only stare at her in shock. “That's why I kept running, I can't keep all this,” she pressed her hands over her heart. “Locked away anymore. I was hoping maybe I could get it under control, but I can't. Being around you both is so overwhelming. I don't deserve your forgiveness because it was selfish. It's selfish telling you, and I never wanted to put you in this position.”

“Y/N...” Steve reached for her again.

“I don't expect anything.” Her voice was flat, as if all the wind had gone out of her sails. “You have each other and all I want is you to be happy together.” She gasped when Bucky's vibranium hand closed over her wrist, pulling her roughly towards him. His other hand was warm and gentle when it cupped her cheek, and before she knew what was happening his lips were on hers. When he pulled away her eyes were as big as saucers. “What?” Steve swept in before she could finish her thought and kissed her too, holding her against his body.

“Our girl.” He murmured into her ear. She found herself sandwiched between the two of them.

“You always were.” Bucky told her and she could the smile in his voice.

#steve x bucky #steve x reader x bucky #stucky x reader #reader insert #plus sized reader

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purplesurveys · 3 years ago

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1277

Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? Ooooh moving forward, probably Angela hahahaha I have no idea how I’d break it to her if ever I do start seeing somebody again. She’s well aware of all the shit that I let slide so she might get intense with the scrutineering.

What is the most exciting thing about your life right now? Just the fact that I feel on top of the world these days. My days of being depressed and picking at my insecurities seem to be far behind me and the change has looked to be apparent coming from friends who’ve told me I seem happier, louder these days.

What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? To not be scared to fight harder for the things you believe in or what make up your identity, coming from having to hide a same-sex relationship during that period. That feeling of being constricted and having to hide to stay on some conservative seniors’ good graces really pissed me off so high school was really crucial in letting me discover just how much I’d be willing to fight and test the waters to be able to live as me.

Have you ever had a job that deeply affected your personal life? How so and do you still work there? Hmm no, not really. If anything my job is one of the things that helped make me a lot livelier and happier.

Do you have a “one who got away”? It felt that way at the start when my view was still skewed, but it didn’t take long until I realized she was not a loss at all.

If you were in a superhero movie, would you be the hero or the villain? Hero.

If you found a mouse in your house, would you be frightened? Mice or rats are the literal worst fucking thing I could see in my house. I definitely see myself making a big deal out of it lmao, especially rats.

Have you ever tried to perform magic tricks? Nobody ever taught me, so no.

Can you do more with a yo-yo than just "go up and down"? Nah, which kinda makes me feel ashamed because considering it was a Filipino who invented the modern yo-yo, I feel like it should be my responsibility to know a few tricks LOL.

What is one form of technology that you wouldn't be able to live without? Instant messenger.

Did you get an allowance, growing up? Why or why not? Starting high school. Before that I was living in our family’s duplex, so my grandma could make packed meals for all of us – not to mention the fact that my parents were also still on their way to establishing themselves at their respective workplaces so we weren’t all that well-off yet.

When we moved into our own place, we started with my mom making our meals but eventually it just proved to be time-consuming and a lot of work considering she also had a job to go to. With that and the fact that both my parents at that point already got a couple of promotions, we switched to allowance.

Would you rather go to a water park or an amusement park? Why? Amusement parks though I would only probably head to the safer rides and food stalls with all the deep-fried offerings haha. I cannot handle more intense rides. On the other hand, water parks have always sounded nasty to me.

What is one instrument you wouldn't mind learning how to play? Piano.

What's the longest amount of time you've had to wait in line for something? The stupid LTO, because you can never count on government agencies to be efficient. Technically my whole time in there took a couple of stages, but all in all I spent eight hours there.

What is something that you would like to learn more about? Korean. I just graduated from my Basic Korean 1 class but I already have plans to enroll in the following course, since I seemed to do well and I want to keep the momentum going.

What is something that one of your family member collects? Mom has a large collection of chef-themed figurines and other sorts of trinkets like a chef timer, shot glasses, etc - but mostly the figurines - that she has displayed in a glass case. I should keep that in mind for when I start Christmas shopping, actually...she hasn’t updated that collection in a long time. Thanks for the idea!

Have you ever moved to a new school before? If so, how did it feel? No, not in the middle of the same period since I went to the same school from kinder to high school for 14 years. I only “moved” when I started college. Like I’ve said in previous surveys, it felt freeing to finally not under be the hands of an environment ran by...well, Catholics. It was a culture shock to see rallies everywhere, to find out I could wear short shorts or even go to school naked if I wanted to, and to see boys in my class (I went to an all-girls), but it was all the good kind of shock.

Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Always, because I never wrote them down.

Do you enjoy autumn leaves or spring flowers more? Why? I experience neither season.

Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? Typhoon.

If you could meet any fictional character from a book, who would it be? Melanie Hamilton from Gone with the World.

What are some common places that people tour when they come to your city? I rarely see foreigners here since my area isn’t particularly known for tourism; most go to the island provinces like Cebu, Aklan, Palawan, etc. If I had to recommend spots here, I’d tell them to go for Pinto and maybe the rooftop bars that offer a view of Manila’s skyline.

What's one food that you did not enjoy as a child, but do as an adult? Chicken curry, which I used to dread.

Would you rather have a mermaid tail, a fairy's wings or a unicorn's horn? I guess the wings just because I feel like it’s the only practical one.

What is an animal that you'd like to have as a pet but it's not allowed? I don’t think that way about animals I can’t keep as pets anyway.

What are some things that you do to make the world a better place? I always clean up at restaurants (my mom doesn’t understand why I do it because “the servers are here for a reason, Robyn”) but I always see the relief on their faces when they see I’ve stacked up the plates and cups so I don’t see a reason to stop doing it. I keep the door open for people who happen to enter/exit a building the same time as me, share dog adoption posts, don’t make a fuss about or towards a shop staff who messes up...things like that. I hope it’s able to help, even if just in a small way.

Has the last person you had sex with ever had sex with someone besides you? I don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has already.

What’s your favorite store at your mall? We have several malls within the vicinity but I like frequenting NCAT.

Have you ever done a workout DVD? No but my mom is fond of those.

Who usually takes out the trash in your family? Either of my parents.

What song are you currently obsessed with? My Universe is soooooo good. It’s Coldplay’s classic sound but they somehow managed to perfectly blend in BTS’ style as well, so I love how it turned out.

When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook? I've never gone fishing.

Do you take any prescription meds? Nope.

What happens if you don’t take them? Who was the last person you dreamt about? My dad.

Do you prefer your tea sweetened or unsweetened? Sweetened, though I don’t usually actively look for iced tea. I’d have it if it was served, but I don’t typically order it for myself.

How often do you honk your horn? As long as I am annoyed, which gives my mom a mini heart attack every time because she insists I just let people have their way to avoid getting into fights. Sometimes when she’s driving and someone’s being stupid on the road I lurch forward to do the honking for her and it pisses her off soooooooooo much but it also gets the job done so *shrug*

Do you have any children? If so, names and ages? I don’t.

Have your parents ever witnessed you doing something inappropriate? What? TMI but I almost got caught doing the m-word once but my reflexes were at lightning speed that day so when my door opened I was able to fix myself up and appear as though nothing was happening lol. My mom also saw a hickey on me once but I was able to veer the conversation away when she started inquiring.

Did you get babysat a lot as a kid? No, I did the babysitting.

If you were the principal of a school, what would you do differently? Actually deal with teachers who mistreat or make issues towards their students. I had several teachers I know didn’t like me but I could never do anything about it because there was no way in hell the school was going to take my side.

Are you doing anything fun tomorrow? Continued from yesterday. If I took this question yesterday to refer to today I would’ve answered yes because we actually have a really fun PR stunt scheduled for execution today, wherein we get to sponsor someone’s whole wedding from food to flowers to the host and fillm crew :D :D But tomorrow is just Monday so the real answer to this is no.

What is something you'd like to receive as a housewarming gift? I dunno the usual housewarming gifts, but I would appreciate anything practical, or anything that you’ll need at the least expected times, like batteries or even like Sticky Tack.

How old were you when you first experienced the effects of puberty? Oooh I was an early bird – I was 9 when I could first tell my first period was on its way; it came a month after I turned 10.

What is your least favorite holiday, and why? I don’t dislike any holiday because they all mean a day off work lol.

What were some outdoor games you played as a child? We usually played piko (hopscotch), our local version of freeze tag that we dubbed “Ice ice water” for whatever reason, and a garter game that we call 10-20. Dodgeball was a favorite during recess and lunch, too.

Did you accompany your parents on "Take Your Child to Work" Day? That’s not observed here, but my mom did use to take me and my siblings to her first workplace. Are cemeteries peaceful to you, or do they freak you out? They’re actually more interesting to me than anything else. I like learning about the different lives of many different people, even if I only technically know them by their birthday and date of death. Sometimes the inscriptions would be more detailed and tell more about their life, sometimes I’d come across babies who only lived a few days...and it’s just interesting to have those glimpses into life.

Which ancient civilization would you be interested in learning more about? Filipino, because Western colonization destroyed proof of most of it.

Do you have better long-term memory or short-term memory? Long.

What was the last situation that made you cry? Describe. I cried this morning. Nothing bad or heavy, I just found myself thinking again about my mental state last year.

Which forest animal would you be most afraid to encounter? Anything that wouldn’t hesitate to tear my limbs apart.

Do you believe in anything supernatural? (ie: spirits, etc) No.

Has anyone close to you ever gone to war? No. The closest link I have to the military, other than my dead great-grandfather, is Angela’s uncle who’s like a general or like a colonel or something, idk titles.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? Yeah, occasionally. Pressure in the ear is a bigger nuisance to me, though.

Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly? The last time I saw my grandfather. My only clear memory of him that day was stepping out of the house to leave (my mom and I were visiting) and him sending me off with the message to always be kind and good. If I had known I would never see him again, I never would’ve left.

Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? Hmm no, not that I can recall.

If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? I’d go to Hans for certain advice, but not for every single situation. He’s the only person that comes to mind.

What was the last new food/drink that you tried? So last Wednesday I finally got to try this Instagram-based doughnut shop that I’ve been eyeing since August and it turned out to be even MUCH BETTER THAN EXPECTEDDDDDD. Like yeah their photos were always mouthwatering but I didn’t expect it to taste as good as it looks, since most pretty food I’ve encountered usually end up just tasting meh. Anywho, I got two orders of their sampler box and they served me their specialty bacon doughnut, signature brown butter, and a bunch of their chocolate and peanut butter variants and I loved every single fucking thing.

Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? Oh it’s hard to tell, it’s only 9:05 AM. Both days might be uneventful, though.

Have you ever played Sudoku? I don’t actually get how to play it hahaha. I feel like I’m too stupid for sudoku.

Do you ever take surveys for money? I tried it last year when applying for jobs was still a bitch for me, but the thing is most of those surveys look for employed participants so there was rarely ever a survey that fit me anyway.

Do you like Barbie or Bratz better? Bratz.

Do you prefer purple or green grapes? I don’t like grapes.

Who was the last person that made you laugh? Idk, probs one of the boys since I was watching videos of them earlier today.

Where does your best friend live? A nearby city.

Who did you last confide in? Angela.

Does your car have an alarm? Sure.

Where was your mom born? Somewhere in Metro Manila.

What can always make you feel better no matter what? My dogs.

What is something you’ll never eat again? Why? I don’t think there is anything. I feel like I’m always bound to retry things and that I would be open to doing so, even fruits. One thing I’m firm about never drinking again, though, is coconut water. Get that SHIT away from me.

What is currently happening that is scaring you? I’m not feeling scared these days.

Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? Probably. But nothing sticks out.

#survey #surveys

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some-cookie-crumbz · 4 years ago

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Huwumi betting kiss in a bar?

I had way more fun writing this than I should have! Flirty Fuyumi is something I’ll have to indulge in more often!

Gonna say this is rated T/ PG 13 so behave yourselves!

Also, Minor Trigger Warning: Aggressive Swearing, References to Sexual Content (Non-Explicit), Cheating (Don’t worry; neither Hawks nor Fuyumi are involved in this one!), Of Age Binge Drinking

Every time Misa had a rough break up, Fuyumi knew that their whole group was going to end up spending a night in a bar making questionable life choices. For as much as she loved Misa, the girl did not handle her heartaches well. Fuyumi was willing to wager that it was most likely because Misa wasn’t exactly the best judge of character. Many a time, she ended up letting partners slip into her life without focusing on the glaring red flags. She’d fuss and accuse and scream at everyone else in the group that they were being unfair, that her newest sweetheart had just been mistreated and needed love to guide them back on to the proper path. Every single time, the rest of them would agree that this was the last time they were going to deal with this from Misa. If she couldn’t be bothered to listen to their concerns and cool her heels just a little, then why should they constantly dab her eyes and pat her back when her ignorance got her hurt?

Because everyone has their weak moments, just like Misa, Fuyumi thought wistfully. She sipped at the sparkling water in her hand while Taigen slipped into their booth. “Well if it isn’t my most favorite people in the world,” he said with a tired huff, slumping down beside her.

“Hey, Tai,” Akiko, sitting to Misa’s left and rubbing her back, said with a quick wave of her other hand.

“Howdy hey Tai-Kins,” Nagisa sang, her tone only the slightest bit less chipper than usual. She was on Misa’s right, gently patting her head.

Misa herself had thrown her whole upper body against the table, hiding her face in her arms, and was wailing shamelessly. A part of Fuyumi was almost jealous at how unbridled her friend was in her grief. There had only been one or two instances in her own life where she’d ever dared to make such a spectacle of herself over anything. And she learned quite quickly to never do it again.

“So what was it this time?” Taigen asked, leaning over to flag down one of the servers, and then leaning back in his seat. “What caliber of douchebag are we labeling this guy as?”

Misa let out a particularly loud, hysterical wail at the prodding, making the other’s at the table wince. Fuyumi motioned Taigen closer to whisper, “Misa-Chan caught him and Akane-Chan touching each other in places where they really shouldn’t be.” He balked and stared at her, expression jumping between horror, anger and then settling comfortably to mortification. Fuyumi couldn’t blame him, though; she had probably made very similar expressions. And she couldn’t really blame Misa for being particularly upset, either, since she didn’t think she’d feel much better if she caught her significant other getting down and dirty with one of her younger siblings.

“Okay. Wow. That’s… certainly something,” Taigen trailed uneasily.

“That filthy motherfucker!” Misa outright shrieked, causing a few patrons at the bar proper to give them a sideways glance.

“That’s right, get it all out,” Nagisa encouraged quietly.

“They’re all motherfuckers, hun,” Akiko agreed, her own tone taking on a soothing note.

Taigen made quick work of ordering their first round of drinks – excluding Fuyumi, who insisted she really couldn’t tonight – and some appetizers to get started. When the food and drinks arrived, they managed to coax Misa up enough to eat and down her first two drinks, which seemed to put her in higher spirits. They let her vent what she felt comfortable venting and took her lead on when to sidetrack to a new subject.

The distractions were clearly having a good impact on Misa as she moved on to her third, fourth, fifth and sixth drinks.

“You bastards,” Misa slurred with a small hiccup, waving her glass about in a semi-circle to indicate them all, “make it seem so easy to just meet someone! Like I can just pluck any ole’ person off the street and BAM! SOULMATE FOUND!”

“Don’t you already just pick the saddest looking sack o’ flesh outta the gutter? At least if you pick someone off the sidewalk instead they might have their shit more stitched together,” Taigen scoffed, a sly smirking taking over his face as he sipped his own drink. “Well, that or if you just gathered your courage to actually make the first move instead of waiting for these parasites to catch a whiff of your desperation.”

Akiko started to outright cackle while Misa’s face turned a much darker shade that had nothing to do with the alcohol. Fuyumi was quick to set her drink down and lift her hands, ready to step in between any ensuing fight. Nagisa took everyone else being distracted as a chance to stuff another pot sticker in her mouth. “Say that again, you angsty twink!” Misa squeaked angrily.

Taigen’s eyes narrowed, the dark blue tint of them gleaming dangerous. “What did you just call me?”

“Ya heard me!”

“Okay, Misa-Chan, Tai-Chan, how about we settle down and take a breath? We don’t ended things to esca-!”

“Sorry for giving you some practical advice, damn! Maybe if you actually listened you wouldn’t constantly be getting pumped and dumped!”

“Oh, no! Tai-Chan, that is incred-!”

“Well not all of us can hook up with some dimwit from work! Besides, a truly worthy suitor prefers a lady who waits to be chased!”

“Misa, I don-!”

“Masaki is an absolute angel and you fucking know it, you jealous little asshole! And you know what? I’m gonna prove my fucking point that your fucking point is stupid!” he snapped back, slamming a hand on the table. There was a beat of silence before he whirled his head around to face Fuyumi. “Yumi! Go over to the bar and get you a smooch!”

“What?” she squawked indignantly.

Akiko started giddily giggling into her hand. “Oh, yes, yes! It has to you, Yumi, babe!”

“But why me?” she argued. “I wasn’t even involved in their little wager!”

“But you’re the only one that’s single, aside from Misasasasauce,” Nagisa slurred, swaying a bit in her seat. “You’re the only one that can really prove Taikadaikado’s point.” She shifted the glass in her hand to take another sip but then stared at in horror as she realized it was empty.

“‘Sides, it’s good for ya!” Akiko chimed in, swaying to lean heavily on the table. She looked about to topple over at a moment’s notice.

“There’s no way for me to get out of this, is there?” Fuyumi sighed.

“Nope!” Taigen said, making a popping noise with the word as he shimmied out of his seat. He gestured grandly towards the bar across from them. “Now go, dearest Fuyumi, and find yourself a hottie to mack on! Make me proud!”

“No, make me proud, Fumi!” Misa shot back.

With a resigned sigh, she carefully slipped out of her seat and made her way towards the bar. She loved her friends, but they were ridiculous, honestly. She slid into one of the many empty seats at the bar a few spots away from a cute young woman in a halter dress, but opted against making the pass when she noticed the ring on the woman’s finger. There were mostly just groups there, all settled up together in proper booths. The only other two people that were at the bar proper were all the way at the other end from her and seemed much more focused on some hushed debate they were having. She flagged down the bartender, instead, to request a fresh water and a small bowl of cherries.

“My, what an odd order to place at a bar,” A deep voice chimed from beside her, dripping in amusement. She jumped and glanced at the young man making his way into the stool beside her. He seemed to be about her age with just the right amount of scruff gracing his jawline, baggy clothes that screamed workout attire to her, and a hat tugged down low over his head, hiding most of his hair. What caught her attention most, though, with the blazing gold eyes fixed on her like a predator on prey.

He didn’t strike her as being her usual type, but she kind of liked the way he was watching her. She admittedly did like the ones that seemed confident. Nine times out of ten they weren’t nearly as self-assured as they played at, so it was always cute watching them get flustered when she called a bluff. A smile flitted across her lips as her water and dish were set in front of her. “It’s called the Responsible Friend drink. Not for the faint of heart or low of impulse control,” she purred teasingly, plucking a cherry from the dish.

He hummed quietly beside her as he watched her split the cherry open and drip the cherry juice on top of the ice inside, being careful not to drip too much on herself. “That seems like an insult,” he hummed back.

“If you take offense,” she hummed, stirring the juice in, “that seems more like your problem than mine.”

He seemed taken aback by that, tilting his head at her curiously. “Do you… Not know who I am?”

She cocked her head and gave him a look at that. She tilted her head to try and get a better look at him, letting out a thoughtful hum. Now that she thought about it, there was something familiar about his face, but she couldn’t place it. Perhaps a model or something? Or maybe he’d had a short guest role on one of her television dramas? She shrugged instead and began dripping another cherry into her drink. “Kinda but… Not particularly. Why? Should I?”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before shaking his head. “Actually, you know what? I like this better,” he mused, leaning one elbow on the counter and cupping his head in his hand. “So, you’re the friend staying sober? Or just keeping your wits so no creeps try to take advantage?”

Fuyumi nodded her head back towards her friends, who had seemingly forgotten their beef and were now aggressively singing some anime opening at each other, just barely keeping their volume manageable. “Those are my wards for the night,” she said.

He snorted. “You sure you don’t want something a little stronger than cherry water? Which, by the way, is still incredibly unusual. I mean, lemon water I expect, or even lime water, but cherry? Not so much,”

“But you’ve never tried it,” she retorted, taking a sip and resisting the urge to sigh contentedly. He made a small noise of agreement as a thought occurred to her, her smile turning mischievous. “I could give you a little taste if you want.”

“Oh?” he mused, perking up. He shifted a bit closer, clearly intending to swipe her glass, but instead she moved closer to him herself. He seemed a bit stunned as she leaned forward to press her lips to his, one of her hands cupping the side of his neck. The spark of surprise left his eyes quickly enough as he melted into the kiss with a throaty groan, instead sliding shut to bask in it. She tilted her head to give a playful nip to his lower lip. Getting the hint, he opened his mouth and allowed her tongue to slip inside, prodding his to press along her own. The taste of spearmint from his mouth mingled with the cherry juice on her tongue, making for an odd but not entirely unpleasant combination.

It was the scandalized squeals of her friends that pushed her to pull away from the stranger, making a show of smirking and licking her lips at him. There was a blush dusting up along his cheeks and, if she was honest, she couldn’t help but think about how good he looked like that. “There, I gave you a little taste. Maybe we’ll see each other again, sometime,” she hummed, grabbing her drink and cherries to head back to her table. She would blame her behavior, uncouth as it was, on the energy her friends had been pumping out all night. Plus, she reminded herself, she was likely never going to see the guy again. Despite what he’d said, she doubted that he was anyone that noteworthy.

Three days later, Fuyumi’s heart leapt into her throat when, grinning up at her from glitzy headlines about Number Three Pro Hero Hawks, was her bar stool beau.

#crumbles grumbles #Huwumi #my fics #I hope this was a fun one!#I actually struggled a little to get this to work #But man am I really happy with how it turned out!

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gay-ghost-girl · 3 years ago

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Ah, what do I fear?

I fear humanity being wiped out.

I fear the apocalypse in any sense of the word.

I fear all these viruses are turning us into zombies. Here we are, the walking undead, cold and numb and mindless but at least now we still have the choice. But once it gets us? Once we’re dead? Oh God please don’t let our bodies, our empty corpses that used to house our souls, oh please don’t let them hurt the ones who still have their own.

Pain is inevitable. Death is inevitable. But please God don’t let me cause them in the worst possible way, don’t let me… i don’t know.

God, I do not know your plan. I do not know what life you want for me but I’m terrified that I’m going to pick the wrong one. If I follow my heart then aren’t I being selfish? If I follow my head then aren’t I sinning with the knowledge of forbidden fruit? If I follow the world then won’t I not be making the best use of the person I am today? If I hide then aren’t I perpetuating a lack of forgiveness? If I kneel before fear and let it choose my path then aren’t I worshiping a false idol?

How to I follow you yet love humanity and not loose myself in the process. What is there left of me if I’m doing it all for you? For them? For the greed of wanting to go to heaven when I know, I KNOW how much I do not deserve it.

God please allow me to lay my sins down before you. Please don’t turn me away just because you sense my fear. Because don’t you see, I’m always scared. And when I’m not then the things around me just seem to fall apart.

God help me find the safe path. Help me find the path that will ultimately cause everyone the least suffering. Is it preaching a book I don’t entirely agree with? That doesn’t seem like it’s appropriate for me. I’m just a girl. A woman who has sinned countless times over. I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, I’ve taken advantage, I’ve mistreated my body and permitted others to do the same, I’ve encouraged harmful behaviours and I’ve perpetuated them myself.

My tattoos were meant for me. An art piece on the canvas of my skin. I find the concept beautiful. Are they hurting you? Are they hurting my soul? That was never my intention, God please, my intention has never truly been to cause anyone harm. So why do I still do it? Why can’t I think ahead without it ruining me?

You gifted me with my intuition, my empathy, my ability to think of all the possibilities, made me smart enough to use it to help. But I no longer know what’s actually helpful or not.

I like things to have a balance, not necessarily symmetry but a balance nonetheless, and no one else seems to be looking for the same future as me. Or the ones that are may be the worst ones for me to even go get help from because they’re just as closed off and selfish as I am.

In this world, money keeps you alive and comfortable enough to contribute back to the world. So is it wrong for me to desire vast wealth so that I can contribute back in a vast way? Or have I just manipulated that statement to make myself feel comfortable in my greed…

Your own book tells me that as a woman my job is for the care of the house. To please a husband. To have a child.

But I never wanted to be a housewife. I never wanted to rely on the financial support of a husband. I may have wanted to raise kids at one point, but I’ve never wanted them to genetically be my own. I don’t want to put my body through that. I don’t want to put my mind through that. Parenthood isn’t my goal.

Is it ok if my home is in my connections with other people? I can take care of that, or at least I’d like to try.

Is it ok for me to be financially independent so that I can find love based on mutual respect rather than necessity? I think it would help me trust peoples intentions more.

Is it ok if I never have a child? If I don’t want to be with the “perfect” image of a “Godly man”? If I want to be with a woman? If I want the love and protection and teamwork of multiple partners? Is it ok if our “children” are a broader concept than just who I give birth to? If it’s the generations younger than us who need our help more than any of us need to bring yet another kid into this worlds suffering and anguish. Is it ok if someday (if parenthood does sound appealing for the right reasons) if I adopt? If I take care of some kid who was left to figure it all out on their own like I feel I have been?

Is it ok if I have tattoos that help me feel my own individuality again? Is it ok if I have addictions that make the suffering of continuing to live every day incrementally less painful? Moderation, moderation, moderation I know. But I’ve kept this body alive so far and it doesn’t appear to be ready to stop working yet, despite all I’ve done to it. I’ve kept this mind running for so long and it still craves more knowledge and understanding, despite all the things I’ve let poison it.

Is it ok if I don’t condemn the non believers? The witches, the spiritualists, the believers of different ideas than my own or your own? Aren’t they valid for simply trying to find paths that make their lives more bearable too? Aren’t they beautiful because unlike me, they’ve been able to choose one?

Is it ok to lecture the ones who do condemn them?

Is it ok for us to be imperfect? Sometimes your book says it is, and sometimes it says it’s not. Is it ok for me to try and try and try to help stop the perpetuation of the pain we’re causing each other? Or is that too much? If we keep turning our attention completely on each other, who’s left to advocate for and defend and fix the earth?

How do we build interpersonal relationships again when we’re all being hidden away from each other for fear of getting ourselves sick? Why have we come to the point where human interaction could kill us? Especially when the lack of human interaction is killing us too?

Why have we been trapped in these boxes? These bubbles? Why do the surfaces of two different bodies cells never actually touch? Why do our minds not connect to share our thoughts and feelings when our words and actions aren’t enough? Why do we keep digging up diamonds when they’re the most colourless and over used gem of them all?

God, oh please don’t leave me for even asking… but are you imperfect too? You’re a jealous god. Your creations are causing harm. Why did you create us? Were you bored? Lonely? In love with the idea too much to be willing to stop despite the anticipated pitfalls?

God, I love you, but you’re a really bad project manager. Your project is failing. We are your project, and we are failing because we haven’t been given clear direction. I get you think you’ve been clear, but we’re oh so stupid and can’t read your mind.

Will you forgive me? Will you guide me? Will you fix me? Will you humble me? Will you give me enough clarity to find the path YOU want for me? Not the world, not evil, you.

I want to be directed by you.

I want to protect people.

I want to show love to everything that is spewing hate.

and i really don’t want to be miserable and ending the world while I do it.

seriously, is that ok???

#prayer #lgbt+ christian #please help #i’m so tired #i’m so lost #i’m so lonely #I’m so directionless #i dont trust my intentions #i don’t trust anyone elses #i trust gods but his directions are unclear #im breaking

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some-lists · 4 years ago

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All the Disney Princesses Ranked From Worst to Best.

(Sorry, no Vanellope.)

14. Merida

I know Merida has really badass archery skills. She’s also outspoken, strong willed, and clever. But she’s still my least favorite princess. I just didn’t like her. Maybe it’s the fact that she wanted to change her mom. And she actually went through with it. Of course, she didn’t actually know what was going to happen, and the journey brought them closer together. She grew as a character and that’s good. But just seeing her disrespect her mother, especially publicly in front of all the clans, is hard to watch. It doesn’t help that I thought Brave was one of Pixar’s weaker movies and essentially Brother Bear all over again.

13. Anna

Not gonna lie. I hate Anna. She’s so damn pushy and combative. I know, it’s all her parents’ fault. All of it. But still. She doesn’t listen to Elsa at all. She pushes and pushes triggering Elsa’s ice outbursts, which become more visible as they build along with her anxiety. Every uncontrolled “accident” Elsa has in the first film is because Anna didn’t listen to her. Of course, she also didn’t listen to Elsa’s warning about marrying Hans either. She foolishly left the kingdom in the hands of an outsider, someone she didn’t even know.

She definitely shows improvement in the second film. She becomes more sensitive towards Elsa’s feelings and her powers. She’s also very loyal and brave, risking her life for Elsa, yet again. She’s still very clingy and desperate for people’s love. It manifests in her fear of losing Elsa and Kristoff. I do not like her humor or awkwardness. I don’t find them relatable, but rather annoying. But I do appreciate that those insecurities are real and that’s what makes her more relatable. Her relationships with the other characters, especially Olaf, is what saves her from being last on my list.

12. Tiana

There’s nothing wrong Tiana. I think she’s great. She’s hardworking, determined, and a realist. Those are great qualities that I’m glad Disney decided to focus on too. The downside of this is that she comes across as rather boring. The film relies on other more colorful characters to bring the personality and charm. I think that’s a shame. She also suffers from starring in a weaker film.

11. Aurora

I like Aurora. What little we see of her anyway. We can tell by the way she interacts with the fairies, woodland creatures, and Prince Philip that she’s smart, sweet, shy, kind, cautious. She’s a dreamer, but not foolish. It’s too bad we didn’t get to see more of her.

10. Snow White

Snow White, in my opinion, does not get the respect she deserves. Was she stupid to take that apple from the very obviously evil hag? Yes, she was. But people have forgotten all about the really great qualities she possessed too. When she walked into the dwarfs’ cottage, it was a disgusting, unlivable nightmare. The dwarfs were pigs. They didn’t clean their home or themselves. They bickered all the time. Snow White changed all of that. She created order where there was disorder. And she didn’t do it alone. She delegated chores to each of the animals and made sure they did them right. That’s some managerial skills! She got a bunch of unruly little men to wash, sleep at a decent time, and behave. That’s authority. Those are some real life skills I wish I had more of. Yes, she cooked, cleaned, and sewed, but Snow White wasn’t a servant. She was in charge.

9. Cinderella

Like Snow White, Cinderella has gotten a bad rap over time, but I will defend Cinderella anytime anywhere. Those who say she “needed a prince to save her” lack compassion and are completely missing the point. Cinderella was a young woman who was abused by what family she had left. At a young age she experienced loss, grief, then neglect and emotional abuse. But Cinderella was resilient. That abuse didn’t stop her and it didn’t change her. She could’ve become mean, bitter, and jealous. She could’ve continued the cycle of abuse like her stepsisters. But Cinderella didn’t allow their mistreatment to define her. She remained kind, empathetic, patient, humble, and hardworking. She also didn’t allow herself to become a victim. She didn’t mope or give up on herself. When the ball was announced, she worked hard and believed she would go. When she got help from the fairy godmother, she accepted it and rocked that ball gown. She didn’t go to the ball to be rescued. She went because she wanted to, and she did. Moral of the story is do not let others’ treatment of you determine who you are or what you’re worth. Cinderella had awesome inner strength.

8. Ariel

I will admit that as an adult, Ariel’s appeal fades. She made really bad choices and sacrificing her voice for a boy is a terrible message to sell to kids. But for a 5 year old girl, only two things mattered. She was a mermaid and she could sing. The Little Mermaid kick started Disney’s renaissance and set a new precedent for its movies. Unlike previous princesses, Ariel was the first princess full of life, passion, and adventure. She had an exciting and lovable personality and a Broadway singing voice. Credit goes to Jodi Benson for bringing Ariel to life and the writers for getting the world to fall in love with her. She made a huge impression (hello, mermaid craziness everywhere!), even if she was a total idiot teenager.

7. Jasmine

What’s great about Jasmine is she can see through people’s BS and she doesn’t put up with it. She isn’t impressed by the superficial suitors that come her way. She stands up to Jafar. She catches on pretty immediately that Prince Ali is actually Aladdin. She sings like Lea Salonga, Disney and Broadway legend, and she has a pet tiger. What’s not to love?

6. Pocahontas

Pocahontas was the first Disney princess to not go after her dreams, but instead chose family, community, duty, loyalty. That’s incredibly mature and selfless. She taught a racist, arrogant, ignorant man to love and respect others different from him. She followed her intuition, was one nature, and dove off cliffs. The only minus is falling for John Smith over Kokoam. I don’t know what she was thinking!

5. Moana

Moana is not qualified for her mission. She has no experience and no skills required for sailing across the sea, finding Maui, and defeating a lava monster. But it’s her purpose. She was chosen. So she sets out and figures it out along the way. That’s an inspiring example. It’s not until the end that we find out why she was chosen. She sees Te Ka for who she truly is. Te Fiti. The image above is one of the most powerful moments in all of Disney’s films.

4. Rapunzel

Similar to Cinderella, Rapunzel has been abused throughout her childhood. IMO, Rapunzel had it worse because she believed Mother Gothel was her mother. Their relationship was nonstop manipulation, infantilization, and gaslighting. But Rapunzel was brave enough to go after what she wanted and smart enough to find a way to do it. On top of that, she was creative and artistic, incredibly strong from years of hauling Mother Gothel up the tower, and had magical hair with healing powers. In the end, she does what we didn’t get to see in Cinderella. She stands up for herself and confronts her abuser. She’s a real survivor and victor.

3. Belle

I love Belle because she is a true introvert and a true individual. She’s not very social, doesn’t gossip, doesn’t fawn over Gaston, doesn’t follow the townsfolk’s way of life. She literally just does her own thing. For that, she’s misunderstood and judged by the village. I think that’s very relatable. But she’s also intelligent, curious, adventurous, honorable (she keeps her promise to stay with the Beast), and stands up to the Beast when he’s out of line. She’s the only one that truly challenges the Beast and he grows because of it. And she saves him.

2. Mulan

Similar to Belle, Mulan is a bit of an outcast, because she’s individualistic in a society that values conformity. She’s socially awkward, clumsy, but brave. That bravery saves her father and all of China. She’s a true badass warrior.

1. Elsa

Elsa is technically not a princess, but a queen. She still counts and she tops my list. Out of all the Disney princesses, she is the most real and fully developed. She’s beautiful, kind, brave, strong, but also very flawed. Many people have identified with Elsa in different ways because her flaws are so real and so relatable. The LGBTQ community has adopted her as a symbol of their own. For me personally, I see a mental health issue. I think she’s a highly sensitive person with anxiety. Her ice powers are a beautiful symbol for that anxiety and the struggle over her mental health. Her journey to accept herself for who she is, to embrace herself for who she is, and to find her place in a world that deems her different is truly beautiful and empowering.

#disney #disney princesses #disney ariel #little mermaid #beauty and the beast #aurora #sleeping beauty #cinderella #snow white #jasmine #pocahontas #disney mulan #princess tiana #rapunzel #merida #pixar brave #frozen #queen elsa #disney moana

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theusurpersdog · 6 years ago

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So Game of Thrones ended on Sunday, and for now it’s going down as potentially the worst ending of any TV show ever. Some of the backlash has come from the more nonsensical elements, such as Bronn being on the Small Council, anyone in Westeros defending Daenerys (the show literally framed her like Hitler, come the fuck on), Tyrion deciding who was King while in shackles, etc. But the truth is, none of that would’ve mattered if the emotions rang true. And that’s been a problem since the show started; go all the way back to Winter is Coming and you’ll see that the Starks have always been sidelined - both as individuals and as a family - in favor of the Lannisters. George Martin is writing a character piece about the Starks and how they survive, and the show was never going to stick the landing when they fundamentally didn’t understand that.

I’m not the first to point this out, but man did it really bother me this episode. D&D really could’ve phoned in 95% of this story and just shown up to love the Starks and everyone would’ve been at least satisfied, and they just couldn’t do it. So many years of bad writing and idiot plots and plain stupidity hasn’t lost Game of Thrones hardly any fans, because the ones they had were deeply invested in the characters GRRM had created and were willing to overlook just about everything to see those characters have some sort of conclusion. That’s why their entire audience has turned against them now - they didn’t care about the Starks for 8 seasons, and GRRM’s ending required the audience and the writers care deeply for Jon, Sansa, Arya, and Bran.

For all of GRRM’s talk about wanting to break his reader’s hearts, and D&D’s version of his story as this GrimDark nightmare, GRRM’s story has a real, emotional heart to it. People debate whether it was a fantasy story with the false premise of a political period piece, or a political story with a touch of fantasy intrigue - but the truth is, this story is and always has been a character piece centered around the Starks and how they survive and rebuild after family tragedy. In number of povs and chapters, they literally overwhelm the series. Jon, Sansa, Arya, Bran, and Catelyn all are in the top povs as well as Ned, who is still competitive despite being in exactly 1 book of the series. Having the Starks as the center of the story, the point in which almost all the action revolves, is what grounds all of Martin’s series even as his povs reach 30+. Martin was being very serious when he said Arya, Sansa, and Bran were the heart of his series. You need them because they make it worth it.

So let’s break down how D&D ripped the heart out of asoiaf’s chest. The biggest problem the show had was something book readers have known for a long time, but didn’t fully realize until Sunday night: The Bran Problem. GRRM has stated multiple times that Bran is his hero, yet the show has never had any interest in his story. They made an entirely random decision not to include flashbacks or dream sequences, which immediately cuts out about half of Bran’s content. But not only did they take away his magical importance, they also stole his political importance. Bran was Robb Stark’s heir, Lord of Winterfell and first in line to be the King in the North. Yet they took Bran’s story away from him and gave the focus to Theon Greyjoy, a character more appealing to the tastes of David Benioff and Dan Weiss. So we never got to see the King of the Six (should be eight but whatever I’m just dying inside) Kingdoms acting in any leadership capacity. And, last but certainly not least, D&D took all emotion from Bran. And no, I don’t mean when he came back from beyond the wall a husk of a person. That was awful, but the damage was done seasons before. If you’ve read the books, you’ll know and love Bran Stark because this is who he is:

He sent sweets to Hodor and Old Nan as well, for no reason but he loved them

Bran was a sweet boy. Everyone loved him

The roots of the trees grow deep, and under the ground the Kings of Winter sit their thrones. So long as those remained, Winterfell remained. It was not dead, just broken. Like me, he thought, I'm not dead either

Old stories are like old friends, she used to say. You have to visit them from time to time

He is a sweet boy, quick to laugh, easy to love

Bran has always represented happiness and people coming together in GRRM’s story. Ned wants to bring him to King’s Landing because he’s universally loved and will ease the conflict between Joffrey and Robb, and just the thought of him being alive makes Jon bury his ego and reach out to his Night’s Watch Brothers. He is Meera’s little Prince, someone that Howland Reed’s children are willing to go beyond the wall and die for. He accepts food on the road beyond the Wall, and promises he’ll repay his debt many times over. He’s the boy who looks back into the past and just wants to see his dad again; who reaches out to save Theon, even when Theon took everything from him. He is Eddard Stark’s son, soft and kind and loving, brave when he is afraid, loyal and honorable, and he is a good person. He’s young, but he is fit to be a King one day.

But no, D&D didn’t stop at Bran. Let’s talk about Arya Stark, and the little girl who never was. Was there ever a character more suited to D&D’s tastes than a little murder girl hellbent on revenging her family’s killers? But was there ever a character further from Arya Stark? She is nine years old when Ser Ilyn takes her father’s head, of course she is brash and reckless and childish, wanting to avenge him. But she is all of those things because she is still a kid. Below the surface, she is very scared and very hurt. Unlike the show’s version of Arya, who is upset Joffrey died because she couldn’t do it herself, the Arya of the books has a realization that Joffrey dying means nothing because she’ll never get Robb back. Arya isn’t turning into an assassin because it would be cool, she’s running away as far as she can.

You can watch the season finale of Game of Thrones s4, and be right in concluding that Arya Stark leaves The Hound for dead in a ruthless move of brutality as she goes to pursue her dreams of being an assassin. Now read the end of A Storm of Swords, and you’ll find an Arya who refuses to let Sandor take a piece of her no matter how he abuses her, and goes to Braavos because she is so afraid that no one could love her anymore - and most of all she leaves because with Winterfell sacked and held by the Boltons, she genuinely thinks she has lost her home. Arya doesn’t make a well-adjusted decision to leave Westeros, she’s trying to keep her head above water before she drowns in grief. Disassociating from her pack is the only way she can cope with the unbearable amount of loss she has suffered, especially at such a young age. But GRRM’s version of Arya is fierce, brave, loyal, loving, and above all she loves her family.

Then there is Sansa, the most empathetic character in GRRM’s whole world. The unfailing hope and kindness in which she views the world are her defining character traits; she echoes GRRM’s own worldview, one where you can see the good and the bad in everyone, and choose to forgive - and if not that, still refuse to be cruel in kind. Sansa is the only one who looks at Sandor Clegane, looks at the ruin fire made of his face, and see that his eyes are why he’s so ugly - and then reach out to show him mercy. The girl who was beaten everyday of her time in King’s Landing, and still mourned Joffrey because he was a person and he died and she understood that it was still awful. She wishes knights who literally beat her bloody would fall off their horse, then feels bad and ashamed when they do. Sansa Stark is kind above all.

And the show took this character and made her cold. They tried to make her Littlefinger. Surprise! Nobody cares about the emotional well being and happiness of Petyr Baelish for a reason. Thankfully Bryan Cogman was there to run interference between Sansa and D&D, so she wasn’t fully the Ice Queen D&D wanted her to be, but goddamn how do you take Sansa “if I am ever Queen, I’ll make them love me” Stark and make her cold?!

The biggest problem with stripping the Stark kids individually of their emotions, is that they can no longer exist as the family GRRM created them to be. Without Arya, Bran, and Sansa’s emotional arcs, everything becomes meaningless. Who cares that Ramsay Bolton is the one to rebuild Winterfell in the show? Certainly not an audience that hasn’t been told to care.

You’ll notice a trend in the type of chapters that D&D decided not to adapt into Game of Thrones; think of all the chapters that are the emotional heart of GRRM’s story. Not the shocking character deaths, or dragons, or plot twists. The moments of intimacy between GRRM, his character, and you as the reader. The moments so small yet so impactful, the lines you remember not because they pushed the plot forward but because they honestly moved you in a way that you felt hope, longing, love? Those chapters are almost always either from Bran, Sansa, or Arya; and are always about their connection to their family. D&D adapted none of them. Here’s three great examples:

Done with Wooden Teeth

When Arya is a serving girl at Harrenhal during A Clash of Kings, it really sucks. Unlike the show, she is not cup bearer to Tywin Lannister; she is just like everyone else: abused, mistreated, underfed, miserable, and uncared for. She’s already at a pretty low moment in life, then the news breaks that Bran and Rickon were murdered by Theon Greyjoy and Winterfell has been sacked. And Arya doesn’t even have someone to grieve with; the one person she tries to tell, Elmar Frey, tells her nobody cares about a serving girl’s brothers when he’s just lost his Princess (the irony...).

The news that her family is dead almost breaks her:

As Arya crossed the yard to the bathhouse, she spied a raven circling down toward the rookery, and wondered where it had come from and what message it carried. Might be it’s from Robb, come to say it wasn’t true about Bran and Rickon. She chewed on her lip, hoping. If I had wings I could fly back to Winterfell and see for myself. And if it was true, I’d just fly away, fly up past the moon and the shining stars, and see all the things in Old Nan’s stories, dragons and sea monsters and the Titan of Braavos, and maybe I wouldn’t ever fly back

This is Arya giving up. Everything she’s done in this book so far has been to get back to Winterfell, or to Jon at the Wall. Her making the decision to fly away (which she’ll follow through on in A Storm of Swords) is a defeat, the acceptance that she’ll never get her family back.

If the chapter had ended here (it doesn’t), D&D still would’ve gutted it, because no Stark gets to react to Bran and Rickon’s death in the show. Not even a minute of screentime given to the Heir to the North and his brother dying; not a moment where their family can grieve the tremendous loss.

But Arya is a Stark, so before she gives up on her identity, she visits the Godswood:

“Tell me what to do, you gods,” she prayed.

For a long moment there was no sound but the wind and the water and the creak of leaf and limb. And then, far far off, beyond the godswood and the haunted towers and the immense stone walls of Harrenhal, from somewhere out in the world, came the long lonely howl of a wolf

The Godswood is very important to the Starks for a couple different reasons. First, only the men of the North worship the Old Gods, and the trees is the connection they have to them. The Old Gods were who Ned went to for guidance, and every single Stark has huge moments of understanding in front of a Godswood (none of which made it into the show...). But, more specific to the Starks as a family, Bran speaks to his family through them and guides them toward home. So even though they don’t understand that Bran is calling to them, the Starks are drawn to the trees for help.

And the trees always answer them. The Starks get a real, physical response when they ask the Godswood for help:

Then, so faintly, it seemed as if she heard her father’s voice. “When the snows fall and the white wind blows, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives,” he said.

“But there is no pack,” she whispered to the weirwood. Bran and Rickon were dead, the Lannisters had Sansa, Jon had gone to the Wall. “I’m not even me now, I’m Nan.”

“You are Arya of Winterfell, daughter of the north. You told me you could be strong. You have the wolf blood in you.”

“The wolf blood.” Arya remembered now. “I’ll be as strong as Robb. I said I would.” She took a deep breath, then lifted the broomstick in both hands and brought it down across her knee. It broke with a loud crack, and she threw the pieces aside. I am a direwolf, and done with wooden teeth.

In her lowest moment, Arya re-finds her strength by remembering she is a Stark, a direwolf who belongs to a pack. The Godswood gives her Ned as comfort, as a reminder of who she is and what she should do. There is an incredible emphasis on family here. It would be impossible to adapt this chapter unless the writers and audience fully understood just how committed to each other the Starks are - which is why they didn’t adapt it.

I’m Not Dead Either

When Bran finally leaves the crypts at the end of A Clash of Kings, he’s close to giving up on himself entirely. He spent three days inside Summer, and returning to the body he views as broken (”Bran the Broken” is something he calls himself when he feels upset, not the monikor he’d give himself as King) is really hard for him. And when he finally leaves the crypts, he comes out to a Winterfell that has been destroyed; Ramsay has set the place ablaze and killed everyone. Bran knows Ser Rodrik is dead and Maester Luwin is soon to be as well. He looks around him and sees all this destruction, all he smells is fire or blood. But one thing in Winterfell stands unharmed; Summer takes off running for the Godswood:

The air was sweeter under the trees. A few pines along the edge of the wood had been scorched, but deeper in the damp soil and green wood had defeated the flames. “There is a power in living wood,” said Jojen Reed, almost as if he knew what Bran was thinking, “a power strong as fire.”

After Bran says goodbye to Maester Luwin, and him and Rickon part ways with no idea where either is heading, Bran has one last moment to look on Winterfell and find hope:

Beyond, the tops of the keeps and towers still stood as they had for hundreds of years, and it was hard to tell that the castle had been sacked and burned at all. The stone is strong, Bran told himself, the roots of the trees go deep, and under the ground the Kings of Winter sit their thrones. So long as those remained, Winterfell remained. It was not dead, just broken. Like me, he thought, I’m not dead either.

Bran looks back at Winterfell, and because he’s able to see the unharmed Godswood and the Kings of Winter still seated on their thrones, he can understand it’s not dead, just like him. Again, a Stark is drawing strength from their connection to each other, and through a Godswood.

I Am Stronger Within the Walls of Winterfell

This next one, you’re probably thinking “but the show did adapt Sansa’s snow castle chapter”, and I’m here to tell you they didn’t. I could write an entire book on how that scene is the perfect example of how adaptations fail; they *technically* adapted it, with pretty much the same events, but it was completely stripped of its emotional impact and narrative importance. It is the perfect microcosm of why Game of Thrones was a bad adaptation of A Song of Ice and Fire, as well as how D&D consistently missed the emotional beats the Starks were supposed to have.

The show’s version of this chapter somehow centers it around Littlefinger, while simultaneously underselling the fact that Lysa killed Jon Arryn (they sandwiched this episode and scene between Tyrion’s trial and Oberyn’s death, when this chapter ends A Storm of Swords. All of the climaxes in that book, and GRRM saved this one for last). The end product is a rather forgettable scene that most people overlook.

In the book, this chapter is everything. It is the best chapter in asoiaf, and the best writing of anything ever. Period. And it’s a chapter centered around Sansa’s relationship to her home, to Winterfell. Unlike the very small castle of the show, Sansa spends hours building a castle big enough that she can step inside and continue building details. The fact that she can stay outside for hours, while several onlookers get too cold and go back inside, is a reminder that she is a Stark.

And this chapter is centered around a Godswood. The tree never took root, because the Eyrie is too high for weirwoods, but the courtyard Sansa’s in was meant to be a Godswood. And since she doesn’t have a real one, Sansa builds her own inside her snowy Winterfell.

Being up in the mountains is also the first time Sansa’s seen true snow since she said goodbye to Robb in Winterfell, and just the thought of it makes her dream of home and of memories with Bran and Arya. She wakes up having dreamed of home, and thinks she’s sleeping next to her sister until she wakes up enough to realize she’s not in Winterfell.

When Sansa’s alone with no real connection to home, she finds the closest thing to Winterfell (the failed Godswood) and builds her own. She literally gains strength from it:

She wondered where this courage had come from, to speak to him so frankly. From Winterfell, she thought. I am stronger within the walls of Winterfell.

Her home and her family give her strength to stand up to her abuser, just as Arya was able to escape the abuse of Harrenhal and Bran escaped the Boltons.

There is way more than these three instances, but these are the best examples of D&D failing to adapt the Starks as a pack, or as individuals with feelings. Of course the ending didn’t feel right emotionally, because we had no explanation for what emotions led our Starks to their destinies.

I’ll probably make a post specifically about this in a couple days or weeks, but I can see GRRM’s ending stuck within D&D’s sloppy rush to the end:

The first time Arya leaves Westeros, she leaves because she thinks all her family is dead or taken, and that Winterfell is gone forever. At the end, she’ll leave because she is sure her family loves her, and that she has a room in Winterfell whenever she wants to visit Good Queen Sansa. Arya is also fast to make friends of all different people, and would start her own pack of rogues as she travels the world.

Sansa won’t be alone because she, like Arya, is good at finding her own pack. (And GRRM has built his world out so extensively, it’s honestly a joke to think we could be in a crowded room and recognize no one). Sansa’s friends are her people. She throws feasts constantly, and like Ned, always has a seat at the High Table for the small folk. She has many ladies in waiting, true friends of hers that help her write songs and stories, and sew dresses. She is a good and kind Queen, and visits the Wall constantly as she helps the Lord Commander resettle the Gift.

King Bran the Wise (or ya know, just not broken) rules from his Weirwood Throne on the Isle of Faces, at the heart of his kingdom. After Daenerys burns King’s Landing, he moves the capital since The Red Keep was a monument to Aegon’s Conquest - a symbol of tyranny King Bran is trying to move forward from. He fills his council with highborn and lowborn alike. He constantly talks to his siblings; Sansa waits for him at the Godswood, and Arya and Jon see him through Ghost and Nymeria.

Just because they’re far in distance, doesn’t mean they aren’t a pack. They all know the others are safe, and that they’ll see see each other soon. GRRM will invest the right amount of time explaining the emotional beats of this ending to make it feel right. He cares so much about the Starks. He wrote them a whole epic fantasy because he saw Bran finding pups in the snow. He loves them more than we do, guys.

The Starks are the Giants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#game of thrones #Sansa Stark #Arya Stark #bran stark #asoiaf meta #if you're wondering why Jon wasn't included #it's because that boy was a whole mess #needs his own post to explain the unique injustice that was done to him

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