#but the thing is is im a fucking inniter i really only ever watched one pov

[boygirlctommy]

good lird what have i gotten myself into

[elytrafemme]

i'm justtt putting this into asks rather than reblogging to reply bc. idk i think you might be asleep now thinking emoji and in asks the notif might be easier to see

on felps' lives channel he usually splits the streams up per game so it's easier to like.. pick a specific game and then watch through all the eps of it i guess? the auto-translate is usually pretty good too :]

i got nab/nap bc i train of thoughted my way onto the word kidnap and then went "hey isn't it weird that it's nap and not nab?" and then just went on a google spree bc like.. idk! very interesting ^_^ (<- also probably the adhd or whatevrr) nd the "you" thing is SO fun to me.... i've def heard of it being used for plural first before but i never really heard about it as liiike a formal only thing and then gradually getting less formal. and "y'all" filling the spot of it as a plural word instead is very fun !! "y'all" and "g'day" are like brothers to me. or cousins maybe idk. different but similar ^_^

i have a coworker who i talk about language with a lot and he's learning arabic!! it seems like a very interesting language i love hearing about it :] srsly if you ever want to talk about it my askbox/dms are always open!

anddd actively i'm learning brpt but i'd also like to multiclass into spanish ^_^ just trying to keep them . a little separate rn because i keep forgetting which words are from which language hashtag memory problems</3 bc some of them are similar (with: com versus con for eg) etc etc. other than that i'm trying to keep up with auslan but it's difficult when all the Good resources that keep my attention long term are paid/time consuming (which is fair since it's ppl actively teaching but it's just a little sad how little resources there are.. that i can Find at least) ALSO!! a jellyfish... this is so epic i don't think i've seen this emoji before :]!! ty ty!

HIII yes u are very right it is a lot easier to see ask notifs :]

OOOOH OKAY VERY IMPORTANT INFO TY!! im glad he splits it up like that it'll make my life easier :D i will deffo try to check it out <333

Y'ALL AND G'DAY ARE BROTHERS SO TRUE!!! i love y'all so much which like, i know it's a popular thing but i've met a lot of northerners at my school and it's strange how many people haven't acclimated to using y'all as a default. like that's just what i call people man i don't fucking know what to tell u. you all are sooooo y'all to me

OOOH NICE!!!!!! thank u for the offer my friend :3 it's deffo interesting! the dialects and stuff are very fascinating and one thing i want to learn more about is all different languages' dialects because like, i'm so interested in the diff dialects of spanish for example! i think it's very interesting and i wish people taught more aobut that piece in language learning

NICE NICE NICE! yeah double learning languages is hard i so many times wanted to speak arabic in my spanish class (those two languages have a decent number of similarities actually!! in like, loan words :3) memory problems will do it to u yeah </3 ur so brave ... and no yeah i absolutely feel that with the resources thing it's so hard to find ones that are actually effective? wish there was like a khan academy just for languages, since i know duolingo is a little spotty and most of the other ones i am at least familiar with are like, locally offered things and whatnot

JELLYFISH :3 i thought you'd like him he's such a friend innit he

[mirinda03]

@leaflinerambles asked me for an essay so i complied

Here’s why c!tommy deserves better

Tommy Danger Kraken Careful Innit deserves better.

(All of this is about the characters btw. Sometimes i don't put c! Because honestly its a lot of putting that so just know that unless it says cc! I mean character)

Now, I know that can be a bit of a controversial take for.. some reason??? People may say that actually, he deserves to face the consequences of his actions and deserves to be punished.

. What the fuck.

That's a sixteen year old. That a teenager. He doesn't deserve to be 1. Abused 2. Traumatized 3. Manipulated 4. Used and 5. Taught a ‘lesson’ that i'm sure he’s been taught far fat too many times.

Tommy is a complex character. As we all know, he's regarded as the ‘protagonist’ of the dream smp or the ‘main character’. Now, of course, being the main character is a very subjective term and that is a whole other fucking essay that im not gonna get into right now—

BUT.

I do think in a way Tommy has been involved in a lot of the more.. main plots. From season one to season three.

And of course, with being the ‘main character’ (again, a purely subjective term because it depends on the point of view you watch) come a lot of things and a lot of trouble. Mainly, from our main ‘villain’ of the series.

C!Dream, the fucking bitch.

As we all know, c!Dream has had a weird obsession with c!Tommy since.. probably the beginning?

He liked to antagonize Tommy, but that wasn't exactly special. The man liked to antagonize everyone! He seemed to just want the most chaotic option, which of course ended with him antagonizing others often for his own entertainment.

I think, in a way, Dream always saw the smp as a game. His own little puppet show, where he could move the strings. He wanted complete control

But Tommy was more stubborn than the others. Tommy actively went against Dream from the start, like we see in the disc war. Or L’manberg, or during manberg, or new lmanb—

You get the idea.

Tommy never gave in, and Dream’s obsession grew.

So.. exile happened.

And like, i'm not sure what exactly dream was planning but i'm assuming he wanted to like.. ‘break’ tommy?? Make him more ‘compliant’ to his twisted game?

C!Tommy was, to put it simply, abused. No sugar coating, that was straight up abuse and gaslighting and manipulation. The burning his armor? Making sure no one got an invite? Keeping Tommy at low health? EVERYTHING??

That was all clear manipulation. Tommy.. went through a LOT in exile. It still affects him as we know. ‘Plain biomes, small holes, logstedshire’ among other things have been added to his list of stuff that sets him off.

(And also the waking up drowning?????)

And i know, Dream almost had tommy in his grasp. He almost broke him.

But Tommy resisted. Tommy pulled back at the last second, in that dirt tower. He was strong enough to realize what dream was doing was wrong an he ran from a toxic environment and situation and honestly? Good👏 for 👏 him 👏.

But the trauma stayed, in many ways. And even during the raccoonit arc, tommy didn't really.. get a chance to heal?

During the techno and tommy arc, tommy seemed to direct his hurt into lashing out at others. He got angry, he lashed out, and he hurt people. Even if im a tommy apologist, i can acknowledge that during his time of poor mental health he hurt other people and he had to apologize (and he did!! But im getting to that)

Now. I am.. very conflicted when it comes to techno and tommy’s relationship. I do believe that, somewhere deep inside, they both cared about each other. However, bias and fanon influence can get in the way so i'm not touching on that.

The one thing i'm saying? It wasn't exactly a healthy dynamic. And again, not saying anything because bias could get in the way, but Tommy realizing the error of his ways and realizing he HURT PEOPLE is such a huge milestone??

He took responsibility by joining tubbo again. He said how his trauma did not excuse shit and he acknowledged it and he tried to CHANGE.

Even when faced with people who exiled him, who shunned him or who weren't there to visit during exile, he decided to be better and he once again took the role of the troop rallier even when he KNEW how impossible the task would be. He SAW Techno’s wither skull vault. He knew it was a losing battle.

But he stayed strong. And he fought for L’Manberg, for the last reminder he had of Wilbur (and oh, wilbur and tommy’s relationship in canon is a whole other can of worms god—)

Just for it to get destroyed.

By his abuser, and two people he had trusted. People he RELIED on.

Blown, to the ground.

And then dream.

Dream saying their story isn't over. Their story would NEVER be over.

. Bone chilling. Genuinely so.

And still. He faced Dream. He faced his abuser, the person who in his own words ‘ruined him’ and he refused to back down.

He refused to let Tubbo die. He refused to lose.

And in the end, Dream was sent to jail. Retribution was sent!

.. right?

Wrong.

Because even after that, Tommy continues to be haunted by dream or by the literal CULTISTS trying to kill him.

And to top it all off, he gets fucking trapped in prison with his abuser surrounded by a bunch of triggers in a small cell. And have we mentioned how he's canonically claustrophobic?

Yeah.. that was bad.

One week. Trapped with his abuser.

And still, he stayed strong. Still, he refused to give in and stayed himself,

And what did he get for that?

Death.

Beaten to death by his abuser of all things.

And he was trapped in the void for two months. Two. Months.

But in the human world? It had only been days.

And he was so so shaken by it. He couldn't even touch other people, he couldn't take any damage, he was treated as a ghost by people, he was called a ‘science experiment’ and the one thing he wanted? Normality? It was taken away from his forever.

Again, by his abuser.

Hes a traumatized child soldier whos done plenty of wrong in his life, but he's also a kid who needs to heal and learn to have healthy relationships because one way or the other every healthy mentor figure in his life turned against him or got corrupted and now he feels alone and he DIED and he needs fucking therapy come on.

And we KNOW the dream isn't done. Far from it. We know dream will never, ever be done. He's too obsessed with the game, with his favorite toy to let the game end. To let the people rest

C!tommy is so broken and jaded and traumatized. But still, he chooses compassion. Despite the trauma, he refused to hurt his best friend. Despite it all, he refused to blow up him home. He stays true to himself and he stays strong and even when the world tries to mold him he doesn't break.

And believe me, the world tries to break him and mold him so many times. He’s been manipulated or used before by others, but he still keeps his attachments and he still keeps himself and i think thats fucking admirable.

So yeah. I wholeheartedly believe tommy deserves better as do the other members of bench trio because honestly they're also children and they all deserve to heal come ON.

But yeah thats the essay

[george-fabian-weasley]

Fred Weasley — Helplessly Part 3

Summary: After the Battle of Hogwarts, Fred was rushed to he muggle hospital for better treatment of his injuries. While in a coma, his soul stayed with you for a couple of months. He watches as you went through the stages. And he watches when you start to write a song, just for him.

Words: 2, 681 words

Warnings ⚠ : I don’t think this fic will have anything BUT sadness and constant pain and heartbreaks sdhsjd im sORRY

Disclaimer: This one... hurts a lot

TAGLIST FOR HELPLESSLY: HERE

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 (COMING SOON!)

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CHAPTER 3: I'll Follow You

He woke up alone. 

Fred Weasley woke up with no idea where he was. ‘This… This isn’t Hogwarts?’ he thought. The fluorescent light above him was a bit bright, yet he didn’t feel like he needed to adjust his eyes. Fred blinked, wasn’t he in the middle of a war? The last thing he remembered was saying words to Percy before-

Before the walls.

He tried to move, and was surprised that he can, with complete ease. ‘Wow, and here I thought getting crashed by walls would hurt a lot.’ He thought, scoffing a smile. How the bloody hell did he feel no pain? Absolute brilliant! He sat up from the bed, looking around, looked like a hospital ward.  

Strange, he’s in a hospital but he didn’t feel any pain. Was he visiting someone? That’s not likely, innit?

And then Fred heard the constant beeping. He looked to his right, there’s a peculiar machine showing a line going up and down. Then his eyes darted to a wire connected to it, and then followed his eyes until the very end.

A hand.

Fred tilted his head, slightly confused. He blinked a few times. He just woke up in a hospital… And he saw a beeping muggle tech machine… and now there’s a hand…. Whose hand is it?

He looked to the hand, that hand looked awfully familiar, looking like George’s. But George’s hand is less calloused than this one. So naturally, Fred sees the owner of the hand when he turned around.

It’s… It’s him.

Fred felt the blood draining from his face, his heart felt like it did a somersault and a fucking split to the ground.  He instantly jumped out of the bed in shock, his eyes were the size of two golf balls. Even with bandages, he knew that was him.

It… It could be George, though. But that thought was quickly thrown out the window. He’s lived with the man all his life; he knew they were both very different physically. Fred was, rightfully to be frank, terrified.

Why was he there? In bandages? If that’s him, then what the hell is he doing standing here?! Fred walked closer to ‘himself’, thinking to himself that this might be some prank George pulled on him, Polyjuice potion and all. Upon thinking that, Fred relaxed; actually convinced his brother was pranking him.

“Ha, ha. Funny.” Fred muttered; a relieved smile painted upon his lips. For one second there, he really thought he had gone crazy. He looked around, “Oh, Georgie? Where are you, you little git?” He sang playfully, chuckling to himself. This prank was a great one though, he had to admit.

Fred’s eyes darted back to the man on the bed. He smirked to himself, wondering who did George had successfully coaxed to drink that nasty Polyjuice to turn into him. His mind instantly thought of you, and his smirk widened.

“Oh, goodness. Why is there another me here? I wonder?” Fred faked a shocked voice while simultaneously walking closer to the man, whom he had convinced himself was you under the Polyjuice potion. When ‘you’ didn’t react, he chuckled a little bit more, “I know it’s you, darling. C’mon now, trying to prank Fred Weasley? The prankster himself? Really, love?” 

He reached his hand to touch ‘yours’, only to realize his hand literally went through it. Fred frowned, he reached again. His hand went through the other hand, again. At first, Fred thought this was some sort of magic going on, a hologram at some sort, but the one who looked like a hologram was him.

“Bloody hell-“ Fred inched away fast; his feet stepped back a few steps in newfound fear. He looked around hastily, “This isn’t funny anymore, George. Knock it off!” He shouted across the room, yet nothing happened. He looked back to ‘you’, “Y/N, you can wake up now. This isn’t funny.” When ‘you’ didn’t react, Fred gulped. “Y/N!” He called again.

“Fred!!!”

Fred snapped his head upwards, his heart dropped at the sound of your wail. “Y/N…?” He whispered in horror, eyes darting back to the man on the bed, “Who the bloody hell are you…?”

Fred heard your scream again, and quickly without any thinking ran out of the ward, looking left and right at the unfamiliar surroundings. Suddenly, he saw Bill. He was with Fleur, looking distraught and anxious to the group of nurses at the counter, who instantly got to their feet, some calling the doctors while some followed Bill and Fleur.

He instantly followed them, “Bill!” He kept calling his older brother, but Bill didn’t seem to notice. Fred was far back, yet he kept calling for him. “William Arthur Weasley, you deaf git!” He muttered under his breath, gritting his teeth. He grew more anxious when he heard your screams getting louder, “Fred!!!! Let go of me!!!”

“Y/N?! Y/N!!!” He shouted back, he had lost Bill among the people, yet he kept following until he reached a ward. “Freddie!!!!” You were screaming, with tears non-stop scrolling down your cheeks, a strand of saliva was visible at your mouth, showing how many times you had called for him.  

A group of doctors had pinned you down, and quickly injected you with something, making Fred furrowed his eyes in anger, “What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?!” He shouted. He looked at the surroundings of the room, everyone was there. 

Why was Molly crying hugging Hermione? And why was George just standing there? 

“George! What are they doing to Y/N? Why aren’t you doing anything?!” He shouted, yet George seemed to ignore him. His heart tore apart every time you screamed his name, you were looking very distraught, and scared, and anxious.

He literally ran to be beside you, kneeling to the ground, “Y/N, love, I’m here.”

Yet you kept crying, until it slowed down, “Please, I need to see Freddie… He almost died in my arms, please…” was your last whimper before you passed out. Fred frowned, “Y/N, darling, I’m here! I’m not dead, I’m here-“

His hands that were to cup your face went through you.

Feeling fear right about now is the understatement of the century. Fred had never felt so horrified, in his life. Not even when he was fighting the Death Eaters a while ago, not even when the walls shattered him. This… This is terrifying.

He turned his head to the group of people who were now lifting unconscious you back to bed. He stood up slowly, gulping as he took in your state. You had heavy eye-bags, your skin was pale, and you looked exhausted. Yet you never failed to make his heart flutter at the very sight of you.  

As if adding oil to the fire, Harry who was beside him just stood up and bloody walked through him. Not walk past him, through him. As if he’s just a ghost.

Fred froze. Is that what he is now? A ghost? Like Peeves and Moaning Myrtle? He quickly looked down at his body, checking himself. No, he isn’t glowy blue, nor is he see-through. Fred was confused and terrified, and that two feelings together were never a good mix.

“I told you it’s a bad idea to tell Y/N so soon, George.” Fred turned to Ron who was looking to George who looked distressed. “Now’s not the right time for you to pick up a fight with me, Ron,” George growled; his eyes were dark. Fred realized George’s state was similar to yours. In fact, everyone looked exhausted. His heart broke at the sight of the quietly crying Molly who was still in Hermione’s arms.

“You could’ve told it later.” Ron, ignoring his brother’s warning earlier, continued with silent rage. “Ronald,” Hermione warned, glaring at him. “Then what am I supposed to do, you bastard? Is it your twin who’s in a bloody coma and your best friend hyperventilating, losing their mind? Am I supposed to carry this burden alone, huh you git? You’re fucking 18, Ron, use your bloody brain for once.” George snapped and walked out of the ward, seemingly wanted to cool off.

Hang on. What did he just say?

Fred gripped the bed railings to balance himself, his head suddenly went dizzy. “Coma? Me?” He whispered, not believing his ears. So the man earlier, that was really him? Not you under the Polyjuice potion? So, him standing in your ward right now, what was he? A ghost? A million thoughts swarmed Fred, he felt his chest tightened and he almost couldn’t breathe.   

“Why did you have to do that, Ron?” Hermione sighed out, Molly had just calmed down and excused herself to the bathroom. Ron didn’t answer her, and just walked out after looking solemnly in your direction.  

Harry sighed, “I’ll go get him.” He said, glancing at sleeping you, and left the ward. Slowly, the ward became empty, and the only ones there were Fred and you. His grip on the bed become tighter at the sight of you.

“F… Freddie…” Suddenly you mumbled out, and a tear rolled down to your sides. Fred was beyond devastated, heartbroken even. You looked so miserable, and Fred wanted nothing more than to hug you, caress your hair, and just whisper sweet nothings to you.

“I’m… I’m here, love.” His voice quivering, his hands trembled severely. He wanted to kiss your forehead, but the fear of his lips not touching your skin scared him more than ever. He wanted to wipe your tears away, so bad. Without warning, his own tears scrolled down his cheeks. But the tears never drop to the floor, they just vanished into thin air the moment they left his face.  

Fred felt a painful tug in his heart, he was beyond devastated. You were right there, and he could see you, but you couldn’t see him.

No one could.

The thought of being invisible made Fred’s crying worsened. He started to scream within his cries, begging anyone to just listen to him or actually notice he’s there. Fred wailed, screamed, shouted, with tears running profusely, the saliva in his mouth kept coming out as a result of his excessive breakdown.  

He was screaming his heart out, yet no one was listening.

Fred had to crouch down beside your bed as his knees turned weak, his head facing the ground, silently begging to see if one of his many tears would plop to the ground, and actually wet them. But the moment they jumped from the edge of his face; his tears vanished.

Fred calmed down a few minutes later, he was growing exhausted from the mental breakdown he just had.  He stood up trembling, his mind still distraught and disheveled, and his eyes softly darted to you.

He weakly smiled, “At least I got to see you, love.”

A week passed and Fred had accepted the fact that he was indeed in a coma, and his soul was out of his body, resulting in him to be like… this. 

But it wasn’t easy for him. 

He had to watch Molly and George take turns to look after him and Y/N, and they seemingly took turns crying for both of you. Fred was sobbing in the corner of his ward when Molly was crying while wiping his body, the view of his mother crying over him was absolutely heart-breaking. Molly was the first woman in his life, and he dreaded the fact that he couldn’t hug her, nor even touch her. 

He also discovered that his body would also cry whenever he’s crying, resulting in Molly crying even harder as she realized her unconscious son was also crying silently. His heartbeat would also match his body’s heartbeat. When he was having a breakdown at Y/N’s ward a while ago, his heartbeat was very fast, causing the beeping machine to enhance its pace. 

So Fred had jumped to the conclusion that somehow, he and his body are still connected. And with that being said, he’s not a ghost. Only a lost soul.

Fred would always visit your ward. He couldn’t sleep, but he would close his eyes at night so that his heartbeat won’t increase rapidly, in order not to worry his family. He would smile whenever you smile, just silently watching you communicating with Hermione. But as soon as he realized that you had nightmares at night, he couldn’t sleep after that.

So he would sit at the empty chair beside your bed whenever it’s empty, and just watch you sleep. When it’s time that you woke up crying, Fred was grateful that Hermione was there to calm you down, he couldn’t even describe the pain in his heart when he sees you so distraught.

And it broke his heart, even more, when he found out the nightmare involved him.

You were… suffering because of him, and Fred had never felt guiltier. He had also discovered that he could touch objects, he just couldn’t touch humans, which explained why he woke up laying on a bed, instead of sinking. He didn’t do anything to you though, he was afraid it would worsen your condition.  

That night came along. For the nth time, Fred felt his heart breaking at the sight of you sobbing on Hermione’s arm, once again attacked by the same reoccurring nightmare. When you begged Hermione to go see him, he had expected Hermione to say no, that’s what she’s been saying for the past week.

It’s a pleasant surprise when Hermione agreed.

You didn’t know, but Fred walked beside you and Hermione, watching your every step so you wouldn’t trip. He knew how weak your legs were, he was there when the doctors explained your condition to Molly. If it wasn’t for him being invisible, it would look like Fred was worrying for you at every step you took. He quietly smiled to himself, knowing it would annoy the hell out of you whenever he does that.

“Hello, Freddie.” Your quiet voice made a slight tug on his heart. You were holding his hand, and it was killing Fred that he couldn’t feel your touch. Or your warmth. He had to control his tears when you begin to sob on his body, his cold hand became the resting place for your forehead as you leaned forward. 

He had never wanted to touch you so badly, and it’s torturing him to control his tears because he knew the body would cry as well, and he didn’t want to sadden you any further. No words could describe the pain in his heart, and how fast his heartbeat is becoming. You didn’t notice, seemingly had filtered out the beeping sound from your mind to focus on your lover.

“I missed you, darling. I’ve missed you so much…” He heard you whisper while caressing his face. Fred was right in front of you, the only thing between you two was his static body on the bed. 

Fred forced out a chuckle, faking the laugh so his tears won’t come out instead, “You have no idea how much I missed you as well, my love. No idea…” When you left, after kissing his knuckles, that’s when Fred broke down. He had never cried loudly before, courtesy of sharing a house with several people for years, but when he does, it was refreshing.

But he had never felt so alone. 

So he understood your feeling when he saw you leaning against your bedroom door, crying in the dark at your apartment once you’ve been discharged. He decided to follow you home because he couldn’t bear staying at that cold, lonely hospital any longer.

 His home was you; you were his home and you still are.

And his heart bleeds; because he knew he was your home as well. And while he’s right there in front of you, sitting across you with tears in his eyes, begging you to see him so you won’t cry out of agony again, you didn’t know. 

You would never know.

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PART 4: READ

TAGLIST:

@paigeyisme @britishspidey @hargreevesgrace @jasminweasley @neutralgoodval @kaidenceweasley @igotabadfeelingabouteverything @123happyllama @nicole-prz @phuvioqhile @ionlycamehereforfanfics @martalol @mccloudchloe @hufflepuffzutara @weasleysangel

[burtlederp]

Grant(3), Caleb(4), Caetan(35), Tiburon(49) oops,, its a lot, huh? Your characters are just awesome hAHA sorrYY

Nooo don’t apologize thank YOU!!! I’M sorry for taking so long to respond!!!

Putting stuff under a readmore because holy hell there’s a lot of it

3. What is/was Grant’s relationship with his father like? tw: drugs, drugs, and more drugs; child abuse a la neglect

He’s laying on his back in the middle of his apartment, staring at the domed ceiling overhead. Coherent thoughts are far and few between, his mind muddled by the haze that fills it, fills the room, the whole apartment. Before he’d started smoking, he’d known he’d regret stealing so much weed, but for now, he didn’t. He floated in a peaceful bliss, utterly serene. No thoughts in, no thoughts out. Just smoke, curling and floating around him. Shapes moved amongst the haze, too faint to identify, passing, shifting forms. People, perhaps, walking by, walking around him. Legs passing by, nobody ever stopping to look down at him. People milling about, paces slowing, soon they’re coming and going. They enter the room, they talk, they leave after a brief exchange of currencies. His father is sitting behind him, on the couch. He’s high too, he’s always high, Grant can just barely see the shadows of his father’s hunched form when he tips his head back. His father never relaxed when he was high. He always became even higher strung, if that was possible. He only calmed down when he had heroin in his veins, or something stronger. 

Grant couldn’t see the face of the smoky form of his father. There wasn’t one. In his memory, there never had been. His father in the transient construction of smoke was as accurate as any depiction Grant could have conjured on his own. Never present, never really there, always drugged out of his mind, never sober. Just the same as the haze that filled the house permanently. 

4. Has Caleb ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed him? If so, does anyone else know? tw: war is hell, child abuse a la war is fucking hell, no I’ve not read the Silmarillion I just like the idea of Tom Bombadil don’t @ me

Caleb scrubbed his face on his arm and shivered, pulling the tattered cloth he called a blanket tighter around himself. It’d been raining for days now, with no end in sight, and it had transformed the prairie into a mudscape. He and one other lone figure huddled around a tree that stood tall in the midst of the brown sea, one solitary rise of solid ground, one lone spot of relative shelter. 

“B-beautiful weather, innit?” the other, the stranger, chuckled. It was the first thing they’d said since they arrived. They’d showed up last night, flopping down against the tree and falling asleep. Caleb had kept his distance, kept still, not showing any inclination of actually being alive. He didn’t reply to the stranger’s comment on the weather.

“Not in th’ mood ‘fer talkin’? Thas’ a’ight…” they sighed after a long minute, realizing Caleb wouldn’t respond. “An’ I know yer’ not asleep, ‘cause iss’ too cold t’be sleepin’ right now.” Caleb still didn’t respond. He was wary of the person. There was no such thing as a stranger with ulterior motives. 

“Don’ worry, I got enough words fer’ th’ both of us,” the stranger, a man, Caleb realized over the constant sound of rain, scoffed. Caleb looked heavenward, praying silently. 

Please, no, don’t let him talk, Caleb prayed, but unfortunately the gods were not on his side in this moment. 

“I’ve met a god before. Now, I know what yer’ thinkin’--’you? Dionisio? Seen a god? Ha! As if!’ But I tells ya’, I met ‘em. Hell if I’m to know which one he was or what he did or whatnot, but I met ‘im and he was a fabulous fella. Called ‘imself Tom, of all things. Can ye’ believe that? A god, named Tom! Ah, I hardly believed it myself when ‘e said it.” Caleb sighed, rubbing his face. The man’s name was Dionisio, and he was crazy. Excellent. I’m stuck out here in the middle of nowhere with a crazy man who’s likely going to kill and eat me. 

A distinct crunch cut off Caleb’s train of thought. It wasn’t a sickening crunch, like a breaking bone or the like, but like a bite into an apple, a fresh, crisp apple. Caleb spun around, looking around the tree to see the man, as crinkled and wrinkled and dirty and filthy as he had sounded and smelled, leaned comfortably against the tree. His dark, beady eyes twinkled as Caleb stared at him.

“Mm, I knew that’d get yer’ attention!” he laughed, a hand lowering to his side. Before Caleb could react, jump back from the man’s drawn sword--he realized the man hadn’t drawn a sword at all. It was another apple. He held out the bright red fruit to Caleb. “Go on n’ take it, lad, y’probably more starved than I am!” 

Caleb sat there, hesitating, eyes flickering between the apple and the man, weighing his options. He could take the apple, but… what did he want in return? Was the apple cursed? Poisoned? Was this a trick? He backed up a step warily, like a shy animal.

“Ayee, I’m not gonna ‘urt you! I jus’ wanna give y’ somethin’ t’eat. I swear I ain’t mean nuthin’ by it,” Dionisio insisted, holding the apple out further. Caleb stared, waiting. Dionisio tilted his head, giving a wry smile. “C’mon laddie. I ain’t mean ye no harm, c’mon.” His voice softened as he spoke, getting a little quieter, more gentle, not so rough and abrasive like the coarse mud that surrounded them. Caleb swallowed, his stomach twisting. It’d been days since he’d eaten. He didn’t remember when he’d last eaten. And here it was, food, offered with no strings attached. It was too good to be true. But his hunger overrode his instincts now and he snatched the apple from the man’s hand, leaping away right after. 

“Aye, there we go, there we go, see? An’ I didn’ even ‘urt ye!” Dionisio chortled, watching as Caleb devoured the apple. The old man kept smiling, but it faded somewhat as the small, one-armed boy ate. “Ye been hit as ‘ard as anyone else by this war, ain’t ye?” 

Caleb, chewing, looked up briefly at the man through messy, curly, wet black hair that fell in his eyes. He nodded, ever so slightly. 

“Ye… Ain’t we all…” Dionisio sighed, letting his head rest against th’ tree. “I got more apples fer’ ye if ye want ‘em after that ‘un.” Caleb frowned.

“Why?” Caleb was surprised as the sound that came from his throat was not one he recognized. It was a croak, rough and unused. Though it had been… well, Caleb didn’t even know the last time he’d spoken. He cleared his throat and tried again, questioning the man. Dionisio huffed a laugh.

“‘Why’? Whaddya’ mean, ‘why’?” the old man looked to him with a grin. “‘Cause I want to, and ye look half-dead, and ye barely a child! Ye need it more than I do.”

“But….” Caleb looked down at the core of the apple in his hand. “You could last so much longer if you kept them to yourself.”

“But you’ll last so much longer if I don’t, won’t ye?” Dionisio pointed out simply. “That’s reason enough fer’ me.” A spot of red appeared in Caleb’s peripheral vision, and he raised his head to see another apple being offered to him, Dionisio smiling. Caleb took it slowly.

“No… no other goal…?” Caleb asked cautiously, and Dionisio shook his head.

“None. I jus’ wanna see ye get outta’ this war alive, lad.”

Caleb leaned back against the tree as Dionisio kept telling his story, listening out of one ear as he thought about the apple. Food, so precious in this time of war and chaos, and he’d given it away freely. 

Perhaps there are good people in this world, still… Caleb thought as Dionisio talked and talked and talked, and it rained and rained and rained.

35. How does Caetan behave around people he likes? in a word: badly tw: implied to-happen noncon/r*pe

Caetan drummed his fingers on the bartop, chin resting in his other hand. He nudged his drink around a bit, bored. He didn’t really know what he was here for. Well, he did, he knew very well. He’d been more than busy the past couple weeks, and was yearning for some company. But he wasn’t sure what mood he was in. 

And then someone sat down a few seats from him at the bar and he did a double-take. A man, maybe 6-foot-one, with short, dark hair that was well-kept, well-styled. Lean, well-muscled, but not brawny. His face was narrow, and by god that was the most perfect nose Caetan had ever seen in his life. 

Caetan realized what mood he was in and got to his feet.

“This seat taken?” Caetan inquired. The man turned, looking up at him with deep, chocolate-y brown eyes that made Caetan pray the man said no because his knees were about to give out. The man shook his head, and Caetan tried to slip into the seat without giving away how weak he was already. “You here alone tonight?”

“I am,” the stranger responded, eyeing Caetan somewhat warily. 

“That’s a shame,” Caetan shook his head. “A beautiful creature like yourself on your own on a Friday night? I’d say that’s a crime against humanity.”

The man stared at him, and Caetan suddenly second-guessed everything he’d said or done already. What had he done wrong? Could he fix it? What--

“I’m straight.” Ah. That’s what’s wrong. Caetan’s face fell a bit.

“Well, damn. You sure?” Caetan sighed.

“Very,” the man replied stiffly.

“That’s an even bigger shame, then,” Caetan grunted, motioning the bartender over. “Let me buy you a drink then, to save some face.”

“No thanks,” the man said quickly, getting to his feet. “Have a good night.” With that, the beautiful stranger turned and walked away. Caetan watched him go, and slowly got to his feet, moving stealthily through the bar as the man headed to the door of the bar, and he followed him out into the night.

49. If Tiburon was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through. I had no idea what to do with this for a looong time, ngl cw: cannablism(?), consumption of human flesh, gore, Tiburon doesn’t give two shits about your ‘ethics’, he’s got his own that he’s following; oh and implied kidnapping, planned torture that never happens

It occurred to Tiburon, now too late, that perhaps he was in over his head. ‘Infiltrate the mafia,’ they said, ‘it’ll be fun,’ they said. ‘You surely won’t be forced to torture and kill someone!,’ they said, he thought bitterly as he stood in front of a man tied firmly to a chair, a black bag over his head. His head was bowed inside the bag, but he wasn’t unconscious; Tiburon could hear the man choking on sobs, shoulders shaking. Tiburon had killed people before, he’d eaten people before, he had no issue with that; it was the torture that made him hesitate. Every time he’d killed, he’d taken special care to not let them suffer, he hated suffering.

And now here he was, being compelled to do it. Well, he would be, it hadn’t happened yet. He was trapped in this shipping container, another man standing by the door, waiting, watching, playing witness to Tiburon’s actions to let the boss know he was legit. Tiburon sighed, rubbing his face. What a fucking inconvenience. Six months--six fucking months of work, all down the drain, just like that. He tortured this man, made him suffer, or they would kill Tiburon. Well, they thought they would. Unfortunately, they were currently on the docks, so Tiburon would make his getaway before they ever knew he’d changed his mind about the work. 

He turned away from the sobbing, bound man to face the guard, crossing his arms. The man, at least a head taller than Tiburon and fifty pounds heavier, every ounce made of muscle, eyed him.

“What?” The man’s voice was exactly what Tiburon had pictured--deep, raspy, heavy. Appropriate.

“Nothing,” Tiburon replied, looking away with a sigh. He rubbed his jaw, thinking. He had to cut to the chase before things started getting iffy. He turned back around and walked close to the guard.

“What’re you doing?” the guard grunted, sizing up the supposed torturer while the supposed torturer did the same to him. Tiburon did not reply, not verbally, grabbing the man by the head and pushing him against the wall. The guard barked in alarm and fought back, but Tiburon was quicker and slippery. Before the large brute could get a good grip on him and make the whole ordeal a lot more trouble, he leapt forward and sank his teeth into the man’s throat. The guard’s shout of alarm quickly twisted into a scream, then into a gargled wail that was silenced as Tiburon pulled away, trachea still in his teeth. The guard slumped to the floor, grasping at his own neck with wide eyes, and Tiburon hated it. A swift kick, and the guard’s body shuddered and went still, skull dented. Tiburon chewed thoughtfully on the trachea for a moment, surveying his work, and went to the captive man. The poor creature yelped in alarm at the touch as Tiburon cut through the zipties, but went quiet as the black hood was yanked off. The man’s eyes went wide as he saw the cartilage in Tiburon’s mouth, the dead body, and scrambled backwards with a terrified shriek.

“No, no, no no no please!” he begged, tears rolling down his cheek, one hand outstretched protectively. Tiburon frowned.

“Don’t worry, I won’t, I just figured it’d be cruel to leave you alone in the summer heat. Toodles.” With that, the merman turned and stepped out of the shipping crate, walking to the edge of the water, at some point discarding the trachea (cartilage wasn’t good eats anyhow) along the way. He dove in, relishing the cool ocean saltwater as it closed over his head, pleasant in the summer heat. 

Six whole months… he thought again as he swam away, his legs fusing into a long tail, skin becoming rough, teeth sharpening. Ah well. Now I know; the mafia isn’t worth the work.

[crowsent]

the man hasnt even started the stream yet and his chat is spammin “technolate” truly the best and most supportive fans

amazing

=

i have to make my own fences like a loser

=

“tommy is this your credit card? let me read the numbers aloud tommy”

=

“they keep dying on my thorns”

then fucking remove your armour mr technoblade??????????? you have the option to remove your armour

i know you have trust issues and that the last time you removed your armour tommy tried to kill you but like

you can remove your armour, find someplace else for your zombie villagers to be in, and then put the armour back on

you have options mr blade

you can make unenchanted armour for the purposes of moving your damn zomvillagers out the way if you really dont wanna be armourless

you have the materials

you have the opportunities

fucking seize them

=

mr blade: “my sleep schedule is terrible”

my dumb ass, waking up at 10pm on a monday after falling asleep on a 6am the same monday, after not sleeping for 2 days on sunday and saturday: “damn right your sleep schedule is terrible”

i have good self-awareness

=

mr blade: “im not stalling”

proceeds to stall:

• “happy new year! i forgot that happened”

• reads donations

• begins to try and cure his zombie villagers

• makes fun of skeppys “clickbait” title (it is clickbait by the way. the video is not structured like an actual manhunt vid. totally not a technosimp but techno was a fantastic hunter in the skeppy v techno manhunt. yep. techno was v fair about the entire thing go watch it if you havent hes great and skeppy was also there /lh)

• talks about chess

• talks about the Gifted Child™ Syndrome without ever saying the words Gifted Child™ Syndrome

• DONT DISRESPECT CHESS

(hes a fucking athena kid. im fucking TELLING YALL HES AN ATHENA KID and if i have to fucking write a goddamn academically cited paper to prove it with actual fucking receipts i goddamn will)

• even when tommy came on stream, techno immediately proceeded to discuss the Kings Fianchetto opening

• “i dont know what kind of science textbooks youve been reading, but youve spent too much money on them. those are trash. those are TRASH”

exactly mr blade. exactly. see? athena kid. hes smart. he went to college. he knows the score. mmmhmmm. yup. checks out mr. blade

• types “You’re talking sounds” -tommyinnit (genius)

• into the mc chat

• “Tommy, you’re talking words, but the only universal language: is sounds”

IF SBI NON CANON WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS READ AS AN OLDER BRO MAKING FUN OF HIS YOUNGER BRO EXPLAIN MR BLADE

Techno fucking lists out languages that do not have sounds like: sign language, written language, braille

and then fucking thomathy “tommyinnit” minecraft hits us with “and russian”

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FOLKS

RUSSIAN IS A CATEGORY OF NON-SOUND LANGUAGE

=

and for a good few minutes, mr blade and associate tommyinnit talk about crimes and the fbi and using it to farm views. big brain moved here today

(and then tommys alexa turned blue when he said fbi and then they both freaked out it was great)

=

new york-ian

=

mr blade and tommyinnit just IMMEDIATELY trying to pander to new yorkers once they realise the population size. they out here fucking complimenting the statue of liberty (even tho its in new jersey), the empire state building, the bronx, queens, fucking SPIDERMAN

if they arent brothers

why they have this energy

=

prime to tommyinnit

sub to technoblade

yall

my heart

i love these two terrorists so much

(for legal reasons, i am obligated to say that they are video game terrorists please and thank you)

=

tommy, about music he wanna sing: its from nintendo

mr blade: nintendo copyrights EVERYTHING tommy they got like SUPER COPYRIGHT

tommy: well, technoblade, every last one of my videos uses nintendo music

mr blade: DUDE YOURE GOING TO DIE. nintendo will KILL you

=

“new york is not canon in the dream smp universe”

mr technoblade over here just fucking ruining every new yorkers day huh

yall hear that? new york is non canon

=

you want cock to join the revolution

=

tommy out here trying to be intimidating but hes stuttering, knocking himself off of things...

its great

its great

i love their dynamic

=

im spawning the wither, somebody get me my sword

techno “one-liner” blade ladies and gentlemen

=

techno using the wither to vandalise lmanberg is very poggers of him

amazing mr blade

=

tommy is such a delight in this stream

“i dont know this man”

“why would you bring this near me im WEAK im FRAIL im LIKE AN OLD LADY”

thank you mr innit

=

if i had gotten this stream live yall bet your asses i would be chanting “blood for the blood god” with chat

chat is BLOODTHIRSTY

chat is feral

chat is amazing

thank you chat for being the chaotic fucking bastards yall always are

=

“lookit muh muscles. BITCH”

tommy

i love him

=

so last stream, techno and tommy waterboarded a hostage who died by a spider immediately after he was released

THIS stream, techno and tommy waterboard an orphan fox until he cries

good times

=

fundy drowned

ha

canon?

=

wait

i just remembered

FUNDY GOT DROWNED BY HIS UNCLES

TOMMY AND TECHNO ARE FUNDYS UNCLES BRUHHHHHHH

these two fuckers legit said “what if i waterboard my nephew to the point where he drowns”

=

i find it really funny that techno is the one fanon portrays to be this remorseless out of control entity when the entire time during the fundy waterboard torture, techno is the one holding tommy back and saying that hes going to far

and last time, techno is the one chiding philza when philza just casually murders and slaughters his way around the map

bruh

techno has more of a moral compass than fandom gives him credit for

where is my "techno is actually the moral compass of the sbi” fanfic

=

the only dirt we have on dream is his dirt shack amiright? eyyyy hes homeless

techno

techno

so funny

=

“useless, annoying, loud, british. you know. the worst combination” techno says

then he fucking makes tommy weapons, gives tommy the helmet, makes tommy weapons and tools and armour...

yeah. 

=

“i will not rest until that entire country has been completely obliterated for what it did to me and phil, tommy”

ME AND PHIL

ME AND PHIL

technoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

bruhhhh

mr blade please

=

LMANBURG IS MY UNFINISHED SYMPHONY

tommy what the fuck

what the fuck

tommy

tommy

what wait tahgjkjxbglsjbnouafsfv

WAT

=

“you could actually be, dare i say it, a friend” TECHNO

TECHNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BRUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

=

“technoblade ill join you”

ANTARCTIC ANARCHIST COMMUNE POG

YES BITCH

YES BITCH

SBI

SBI

SBI

SBI

SBI

=

“this bodes poorly for the eventual sbi meetup”

shut up

shut the fuck up

i cant handle this

i can handle the dream sapnap meetup conspiracy

but i CANNOT handle the sbi meetup conspiracy

techno please shut up

i cant

dont do me dirty like this man

=

you know how tommy keeps saying that hes weak and shit but like

he fought in wars

he has fucking armour, weapons, potions, gapples

he can hold his own in a fight

do

do you think tommy keeps calling himself weak bc DREAM calls him weak? like. his self-confidence and belief in his abilities is just eroded by dream so tommy thinks hes weak even if he isnt?

=

“we have sand at home”

at home

at home

at HOME

bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

techno literally out here singlehandedly giving me serotonin

=

beak on

=

bless you

=

one of us

one of us

one of us

one of us

one of us

one of us

[hardyimagines]

Part 9 – The Baker

———

Could I request an Alfie Solomons x reader where she has no idea who he is and thinks he’s just a baker so he bakes things for her and is sweet but he keeps trying to hide his identity bc he really likes her and eventually she finds out who he is? You decide whether you want the ending to be angst or fluff! And please make this one a bit lengthy :) thanks love 💗

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8

———

“Alfie, I promise, she’s fine.” You whispered softly to the man that knelt on top of you. He chose now to worry about the babe growing inside you, after you had sex.

“Right, yeah, you said that, but you’re not a fucking doctor, now are you, pet?” His hand brushed along your belly, caressing the rounded surface slowly.

“I’m not a doctor, Alfie, but I’m pretty sure that being pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t have sex for nine months.” You groaned out softly. Alfie sensed your discomfort so he laid his hands on your hips and helped you sit up. It wasn’t needed, but it was appreciated.

You were five months along now, so Alfie was becoming very cautious of everything you did. Well, even more cautious than he was before. The man shifted in front of you before lifting his hand to your warm cheek. Brushing your locks away from your sweaty skin, he leaned in and kissed you softly. “Right, pet, up you get. I’ve got to get going to work.”

“Alfie, I really don’t think I need to go in with you again today. I’m perfectly fine staying at home.” You tried to reason with him. “When I’m seven months pregnant and so on, then you can drag me to work with you, honey, but right now I can look after myself.”

The man looked like a wounded animal. He eyed you with the most innocent stare, so uncommon for him to make. You’d really hurt his feelings right then.

“I just don’t wanna miss anything, right. Pet-“ He began to rise. Swinging his leg off of the mattress, Alfie lifted himself smoothly before leaning over to retrieve his clothing. His legs lifted so he could step into a fresh pair of underwear and then drag his trousers on directly after. “What if, yeah, the babe starts kicking? Right, or what if you feel nauseous, fuck ton of vomiting you tend to wound up spewing and I don’t want you suffering all by yourself. It’s better if you’re with me througought this entire fucking thing, innit?”

“Okay.” You cut him off. You really didn’t feel like bickering for an hour. Alfie was entirely too stubborn to give in so you knew that you’d end up at the bakery either way. Laying your hands on your back, you groaned out breathily as you stretched. His eyes were stuck on you. You were completely naked, more beautiful than ever. He kept saying you had a glow to you, one that shone brightly and made you look so effortlessly attractive. That’s exactly what he’d said before you two ended up tangled together in a mass of limbs on the bed. You could feel his smug grin, almost as radiant as you, as he began to pull on his shirt. He fastened the plastic buttons one by one before moving toward you. “Don’t touch me, Alfie.” You warned the man. This pregnancy made you so easily horny and you weren’t sure if you loved it or hated it. Loved would’ve been the obvious answer but because Alfie was such a busy man, it made it to where you were horny and unsatisfied a lot of the time.

He took your warning into consideration. The man stuck his hands deeply into the pockets of his trousers to restrain himself. His eyes did all the touching he needed. Your breaths began to deepen at his close proximity. Just because he didn’t have his hands roaming your body, that didn’t mean you couldn’t feel his gaze, devouring you as his mouth had been.

“Alfie..” you whispered quietly beneath your breath. You were trying to pick out an outfit to wear to work and it was becoming increasingly more difficult as he didn’t back away from you. His stomach brushed against your back accidentally and that was all you needed before your much smaller form twisted around to face his own. He was just as surprised as you were when you threw yourself at him. His large palms quickly grabbed ahold of your thighs, hoisting you up and on to his hips to make things just a little easier. Your mouth was relentless against his, refusing to stop for air or so you could tell him what you wanted.

“Pet.” He growled out against your lips, allowing you to continue with your assault of kisses. “Pet, im already late for work.” He told you before twisting around and lowering you down on to the bed.

“Exactly,” You gripped the front of his shirt and yanked him down with so much strength that his eyes widened in the slightest. “so it wont really matter if you’re just a little more late.” You offered the poor excuse.

Alfie sighed exasperatedly with a hint of amusement before laying his hand against the mattress beside your head. He knew better than to deny you. You’d be grumpy all day and refuse any of the affection that he offered to you. “I’m already dressed, pet, yeah. You just lay still.”

You obeyed him without question. Lifting your small hand to his head, your fingers wound in his locks when he began to move his head south. Your fingers gently tugged at his brown hair before you shut your eyes and let your head roll to the side. Alfie Solomons was actually a very generous man — at least he was when it came to oral sex.

—

The sun was bright as the two of you emerged from the home you shared. His hand was locked securely around your own, fingers gliding along your much smaller ones. The rings that cradled his fingers were cold against your knuckles, but you didn’t complain. Alfie never took the jewelry off and if you said the smallest thing, you knew he’d ditch them. Squeezing his hand so that he’d look down at you, you sent him a small smile before leaning up and stealing a swift kiss. The man was very much enjoying how lovey and affectionate you were being.

“So does this mean I have to be locked away in your office for the entire day?” You inquired, staring down at the broken cracks in the cement as the two of you walked. Alfie directed his stare down at you before humming lowly.

“I dont want you near the machinery and men.” He muttered as the two of you continued to walk.

“The men?” You frowned lightly before looking up at him. “What because I’m horny all the time you think I’ll jump a random person?”

Alfie shrugged lightly. He didn’t know anything about pregnant women. He just knew that you were ready for sex all the damn time. His dark eyes flickered to your own and it was then that you saw the joking tint in his gaze.

“Bastard.” You pushed his arm roughly, causing the man to lose his footing for only a second. “I thought you were serious!” You hissed before pulling your hand away from his. Folding your arms stubbornly and childishly across your chest, you walked just a little bit quicker than the man so that he wasn’t able to walk at your side.

“Pet.” He chuckled lowly, unable to hide how amusing he found the situation. It wasn’t his fault you were so easy to rile up nowadays. He loved it when you got frustrated because your voice would become so breathy and your features would morph into a childlike pout. He gripped the back of your dress and smoothly yanked you back and against him. “Come here.” You struggled for only a moment before slumping as you saw the street sign. This was the road that you’d very first ventured onto when your grandmother had sent you out for treats and bread. Your entire demeanor changed then and your small hand found Alfie’s once more.

“It’s kind of strange how we met don’t you think? I mean, I just came by for bread and cakes and you.. well you weren’t even suppose to be making those for me, and yet you did.” Your eyes slid up to his before dropping to the fond smile he wore.

“Right, pet. I was meant to be making those fucking treats, weren’t I, seeing as I am head baker.” He grumbled lowly. “If it hadn’t been for me, yeah, you wouldn’t been scavenging the fucking roads for an actual bakery, my love and they aren’t easy to find round these parts, seeing as my bakery is the best.” He grinned cockily and you rewarded him with an elbow to the chest. He really was a good baker.. so if he ever did want to stop the life he lead now and one day become an actual baker, that’s something that you’d be more than happy to help him with. Your hand fell to your stomach, thumb brushing along the smooth surface. Majority of the walk was then spent teasing over what would’ve happened if the two of you hadn’t of met.

Everything in the world was good. There was no worry on your shoulders, nothing apart from the stress of giving birth, but you were sure that was present in all first-time mother’s. Your hand rested on your stomach as the pair of you walked, fingers opened wide so you could rub the length of your tummy. Baby name’s were discussed as you walked arm in arm with Alfie. Most times he was silent when you offered a name, trying his best not to upset you by saying he didn’t like this one or that.

Ellie was cute, but it was simple. Oliver was nice, but it was too close to Ollie. George, he liked, until you said it was for a girl. Each name you said, he commented on, but then the list grew longer and he was running out of polite things to say to avoid simply stating ‘no, not that one’.

Baby talk stopped when the two of you reached the distillery. Alfie opened the heavy door with ease, reminding you of all the times in the past he’d done the same thing. He was always a gentleman when it came to you. Slipping inside, you let out a heavy breath as the overpowering scent of alcohol hit you. Waves of nausea flooded your body, threatening to send you to the toilets to empty your stomach, but Alfie was quick to pull you toward the stairs and toward his office. The scent was still strong, but not as strong.

Your small body found the couch in the corners, moans leaving your lips as you panted tiredly. Alfie watched you with a lazy smile. You could ride him for an hour without complaint, gleaming with sweat, out of breath, and without complaint, but if you had to climb ten to twenty stairs, you were exhausted. He watched you momentarily, ensuring that you were truly alright. You were. The little moans you set free were assurance of that. It had grown to be a habit, a sense of comfort to let out the little sounds. He didn’t know if you did it to soothe the growing child in your tummy, but it helped to soothe him so he smiled as he sat at his desk.

Forever started here. There was no ring on your finger, bounding you to the man at the desk, but you were sure there would be soon. Alfie spoke of marriage from time to time, but it wasn’t the most important thing to you. You didn’t need the law to tie you to him, you already knew you’d be spending forever with him. Him and the child in your stomach. Enemies didn’t seem to come around anymore. Work was stressful, but not overly. Alfie had made time for you and he promised to make even more when your little boy, or girl, arrived. He was a terrific man to have by your side and you couldn’t wait to see what the future had in store. Right now, it looked like loads of sex and loads of babies.

You smiled to yourself, head lulling to the side. You watched him as he stared down at the paperwork on his desk, glasses low on the bridge of his nose as he worked quietly. Distracting him was tempting. You always had so much to say. But you found, as you watched him silently, that this was so peaceful. And this was how you wanted to spend everyday. With him. Even if it meant doing nothing, it was something. Alfie Solomons was your happy ever after.

———————————————————————

Okay! Hello! The Baker has come to an end!! I’ll do a follow-up chapter because I know we all want some Baby Solomons, but it won’t be titled The Baker. I’ll simply correlate the two. Anyway, this story was really, really nice to write. I just spent an hour finishing it up and tumblr crashed on me so I lost it all. This is shorter than what I had, but I got super stressed and shortened it considerably. ): but anyway!! I hope you all enjoyed this fic, I know i did. ❤️❤️

Tagged: @peakblogbecauseimweak @bsotstory @mollybegger-blog @morphoportis @ghost-of-student-sufferings @drippydownes2002 @ellar21 @sovereigngoth @willowick13 @xxxxxeroxxxxx @wheresthewater @anrm1 @pansexualginger @marvelgirl7 @evilspretty-dead @heyitscam99 @wow-he-cute @haroldpain @justrepostandlove @sparklyreaderx @emerald-bijou @multireality @innerpaperexpertcloud @giftofdreams @ihclipse @meer0rauschen @inkedfandom @thatsamegirl @doct0rstrange @jakechillenhaal @shanty-lol @centerhabit @clevertheoristpainter @jamierdr @favouritereadings @badmaax @thephuonganh @wewillfindourwaythere @uhhhemilyrose @scarrasco1325 @matoki-darkpanda @bignastyfan-nz @captainbuckyboobear

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphires 72

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Title & Song: Stay In My Corner

Word Count: 4200+ 

Summary: On a night out with Arthur, reminiscing over drinks at Alfie's club, a face she hasn't seen since she was young appears out of nowhere and stirs up all the bad feelings and past trauma that it brought upon her. Alfie reads her as always and finds out the truth, even if it hurts her too much to tell him herself. He delivers on his promise of no one ever hurting her and getting away it. **Chapter song is Stay in My Corner by The Arcs.**

Warnings/Tags: References to past sexual assault. Not graphically described. Language. Protective Alfie. Revenge by Alfie for Gen. Alfie finds out why Gen left home all those years ago.

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Arthur had come down to London for business for Tommy. Having already finished that part of his trip, he decides to call you and see if you'd like to get together for the evening. He makes it a point to call this time around because the effects of not doing so last time were still burned into his memory when he found Alfie having his way with you on top of your desk.

You sit at a more secluded booth in Alfie's club. Both you and Arthur are drunk, sharing stories and talking about marriage and babies and life outside of crime. You would seem just as normal as anyone else if you'd eavesdropped on the conversation. You got to suspend reality a bit as Alfie made snarky comments and came and went to handle business and schmoozing as the opportunities presented themselves. He'd never admit it, but he was thankful for having Arthur around, he kept you good and distracted and he knew he wouldn't let harm come to a single hair on your head. If there was something he had in common with the Shelby's, and particularly Arthur, it was that they would always fight for and protect you. His suspicions of you and Arthur having more than friendship between you had long since passed and he was thankful for it.

The hefty payout for the job done for the country, the killing of the fascists and Nazi's had certainly helped sway Alfie in his acceptance of the Shelby's as allies. You'd told him as you rode back from Birmingham the night you'd gotten drunk and sang for the entire bar how elated you were that he would entertain working with Tommy again for you. You poured out how proud you were of him, how touched he would change his stubborn ways for you and even though you were drunk, he felt that you really meant it. You also profusely apologized for Tommy having lied to him, but he understood. He knee jerk reaction was to get angry, and he admitted that, but he saw your point of view very clearly. He'd had to test the loyalty of many men and he knew how little trust he had in them personally, so he could only imagine with what you'd been through how low most men will go when they want something. He gave you a little bit of hell for it, whenever you would ask him to do something simple, such as fetch you a drink if he was going to the kitchen, he would ask you if you were sure you trusted him to do such a thing. At first, you had taken it seriously and he felt guilty afterward as he watched your previously cheerful face fall and your shoulders slump. He'd had to dig his way out of that one with kisses. But you soon caught on it was his way of making you pay for having done it and that was a totally acceptable price in your opinion.

With no secrets between you, you were both rather content with your lives at the moment. Living together was a dream for you, getting him to yourself so often, getting to wake up to him every morning and at least get to have him in your bed every night. He had started sending you gifts again, not all grand, sometimes something as simple as flowers or a batch of fresh bread to the house during the day. He didn't want you to feel like you weren't being doted on, what with your insistence that you cut back on your admittedly, lavish spending habits. Claire had been in shock when you sat down with the books in front of her and told her it was time to go through them, organize them and see where to cut corners. But you weren't about to cut anywhere that would affect anyone else, only yourself. So you went without shipments of special soaps and perfumes from France, canceled your portrait painting, saying you should put it off until you were married and have one done together. You were honing in the ways you'd stayed wild while culling the reckless behavior you'd been unlearning with your time in London. You felt good, solid like you were really getting a hold on yourself and your life again. Alfie satisfied your sexual needs, willing to play and experiment with you and as you loved the man it kept you perfectly happy, never considering looking elsewhere. If you'd known being in love with someone could've helped you from wanting to flight about the pretty boys you would've tried harder long ago to find it.

So when you were out with Arthur one evening, drunk and happy and not a care in the world, when a person from your past comes into your line of sight it shakes you more than it would have if you'd been on your toes and sober. Alfie is standing and talking to some of his men, his barked words all white noise to you as Arthur gossiped and shared stories. You rose a glass of wine to your lips and when you freeze in mid-motion, it even catches you off guard.

Arthur's face frowns deeply, seeing your eyes go wide, your face pale out. "What is it Genny?" he asks loudly, his drunken voice an echoing boom no matter what he tried to make it sound like.

You take a shaky inhale, seeing the man in an expensive tailored suit, walking on the lower level and looking around. When your mouth opens, tongue moving and lips trembling but no words come out, Arthur switches into protective mode.

He sets his glass down, scooting closer, speaking more quietly, putting his hand over yours and lowering your glass to the table as your hand had begun to shake. "Genny. What's wrong?" he asks with a low brow.

"Someone's here." your answer barely above a whisper. "In the tall hat. The man in the three-piece suit and the mustache." Your eyes start to blur and sting, having not blinked since you saw him. You begin to get flustered. You lower your gaze and put your hands on the table.

Alfie notices the sudden silence and seeing your body language stiff he turns his attention to you, leaning over the back of the booth to put his hands on your shoulders. "Somefin' wrong?" he asks, quirking his brow to Arthur.

"She said 'ere's a man here. She's frozen, poor thing." Arthurs observes, keeping his eyes on you.

"Who, love?" Alfie asks.

"The man in the tall hat. Mustache. Three piece suit. In front of the bar." you say softly, your hands up and touching Alfie's for comfort, your face down at your lap.

"Is that... fuck me that innit Prittance is it?" Arthur says with such disdain in his voice that Alfie knows something is wrong. He signals to his men to stay where they are next to him.

You nod and swallow loudly. "I need to..." you begin, clearing your throat and trying to get out of the booth. "Please move Arthur I need to be excused."

"Right, right." he says, sliding out of the booth and helping you.

"Who is that, love?" Alfie asks, pulling you to him as you try to leave for the restroom, blocking you from the man's sight.

"I need to go to the loo Alfie, please." you say not meeting his eyes, but he could see they were scared.

"Genny, what'd he do to you?" he cuts through the needless questions and gets to the point.

You shake your head and try to move gently away again.

"Genny you know you have to tell me. What the fuck am I supposed to do when ya start acting like a scared little bird? Tryin' to fly away. My Genny bee doesn't fly away does she?" he tries to be supportive and lift your chin up.

You take his hand and hold it, lowering it but forcing your eyes to meet him. "If I told you, you would kill him." you say flatly, holding his eyes to show you were serious. He lets you go, his forehead wrinkling, eyes batting in confusion, mind firing off options quicker than he could explore them.

"You follow her. Don't let her out of your sight except for in the loo. If you hear ANYFIN' that sounds wrong you go in, yeah?"

The young man nods and follows behind you quickly.

He turns to Arthur, who is watching you shrink into the distance with sad eyes.

"Now who the fuck is that and what the fuck did he do to our Genny?" Alfie spits out quietly, his shoulders hunched and body language ready to tear the man apart.

"I 'on't know if it's my place to say, mate." he shakes his head, his lips in a tight line as he sighs.

"I fuckin' swear Shelby if you don't tell me I'll beat it out of ya. She innit gonna tell me, she's fuckin' terrified. Now, who the fuck would scare her in such a way?" he demands.

Arthur looks back to meet Alfie's eyes, they're clearly hesitant, but he knew he's right. "Well." he begins, taking a deep breath. "She told me one night when we's pissed yeah? Talkin' 'bout our fucked up childhoods 'n that ya know? Reminiscing the 'ol trauma." he shrugs. "Apparently that man." he turns to finds him on the floor again, moving slowly about the space. "Did some awful things. And he's the reason she were kicked out of 'er own home when she was but a wee girl." he nods.

"What'd he do?" Alfie's voice is deep and dark, more animal than human now.

"She wouldn't say." he shakes his head. "But my guess is it's something fuckin' awful. As awful a thing as a man like 'im can do to a young girl." he shakes his head and looks to the ground. "I don't even wanna think about it."

Alfie shoots daggers with his eyes at the man who is oblivious to it. "I'm gonna fuckin' shoot him." he says, hand twitching for his gun.

"Ya can't fuckin' go off like some fuckin' cowboy there, Solomons, he's a powerful man, ya gotta bide your time if you want to take someone like him out."

"Powerful?"

"Some member of government me thinks? Somethin' of the sort." he tries to recall.

"Someone her father would know." he states coldly.

"Exactly." he gives a nod. "She's comin' back. Don't look so bloody angry." he suggests. "'Ello Genny." Arthur greets you with a sad smile.

"Alfie, love? Could we go home?" you ask with your purse clutched in your hands tightly.

"'Course sweetie." he says, rubbing his hands on your arms. "Ollie take her out the back, will you? I'll be out in just a moment, love. Just gotta tell 'ese boys what to do for the night. Fuckin' useless innit that?" he smiles and kisses your head. His eyes are dark as Ollie takes your arm and escorts you to the back. "That man 'ere. I want him followed. But don't get fuckin' caught. If you do get caught. You don't fuckin' know me, right? Ya got it? If he leaves here, I want him followed. I'll be back later for 'im. Abe, set up the basement for me." he adds with a dark tone to his order.

"The basement, sir?" he asks with raised brows, suprised by the request.

"Did I fuckin' stutter? Yes the fuckin' basement." he hisses, his chin jutting out at the man.

"Yes, sir." they all nod and break away, Alfie getting his coat and putting it on, taking a deep breath to center himself, to put on an indifferent face for you for the night.

Alfie tells Arthur to stay for a bit, look like things are normal, have some drinks, flirt, fuck whatever it was he did these days then to come back to Gen's he'd need him there for the night.

Alfie baby's you and you don't mind in the least. You're feeling terribly small like you had all those years ago. You'd been doing so well, feeling so confident and in control and then this man who had at one point destroyed your life, stripping you from everything that you'd once had appears out of nowhere. You believe it not be coincidence. What with George trying to fuck with you now. Of course, it was London and Alfie's club was popular, but you don't know why someone who worked with your father would be at a Jewish owned club. But perhaps he didn't even know who's it was, it wasn't like he was from London.

"You need to slow that mind down, pet." Alfie says, pulling you into his side. "I see those eyes dartin' about." he taps you on the nose and let out a heavy sigh.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Nuffin' to apologize for." he clarifies, kissing your head. "Ya want me to fetch ya little sleepy vial for ya? Help ya calm down? he offers, rubbing your arm reassuringly.

"Yes, please." you give in, rubbing your temples as he goes to your cabinet and brings it to you, sliding back into the bed. "Thank you." you speak softly, taking a drink of it and putting it on the bedside table.

"You've been doin' very well wif talkin' 'bout your feelin's as of late. Would that help you now?" he asks, pushing your hair back from your face, as he laid on his side, pulling you into his chest.

"I don't... it hurts to recall." you admit. You feel him nod, his chin moving in your hair.

"You know I'd happily remove anyone who hurts you from the face of the fuckin' earth, my love." he offers.

"I know. But you can't kill him." you mutter.

"Why not?" he asks, stroking your hair down your back as he knows relaxes you.

"Just can't. Not him." you say, your words mumbling now, he knows the potion you took was working.

"Is he important to ya love?" he asks.

"No." you slur out and snuggle your face into his chest. "He's just bad." you let out before sleep takes you. He holds you until your breathing is still, your lips parted with little snoozes escaping them.

"I'm gonna get him for you, my love." he says, kissing your forehead as he covers you up with the blankets. You don't register it at all, he touches your cheek one last time before he leaves.

He dresses, moving to the phone after waiting for Arthur to come home. "Do ya have him?" He asks his men on the phone. "And he's left? Right." he pauses, rubbing his chin. "You have the boys what don't look Jewish get him yeah? Steal a car, don't let no one see ya. Get him quiet and fast. And people have seen him elsewhere since he's left the club? Good." he nods. "Get him to the basement then. String him up. I'll be there soon."

"Ya gonna get 'im anyway?" Arthurs' voice carries from the doorway.

"No one hurts her and lives." he says, pointing in the direction of your bedroom. "I need you here, yeah? I need you to be able to say I was here all night. I got her out with her little sleepy time medicine, right? So she'll be fine for a while."

"Ah. Need me to be an alibi I see."

"I do." he nods, moving to the foyer of your home.

"And what about us?" he hears Claire with arms crossed across her chest, Aggie standing sheepishly behind her.

"Fuckin' 'ell." he groans, his shoulders slumping. "I was hopin' you were asleep." he says obviously.

"She told me who she saw tonight. I know what you think you're going to do." Claire announces walking towards him.

"What I fink? It's what I am gonna do, Claire. No thinkin' 'bout it. It's good as done."

"You are right about the no thinking part." she scolds and he purses his lips.

"I need you all here for my alibi as well. She's sleepin', she'll think I've been there the whole time. She won't know."

"So more lies?" She spits out and Alfie feels his face burn.

This was a secret, wasn't it? He sighs at the realization, so easily falling into his old habits that he hadn't even realized. "Then I'll tell her after it's done, yeah?"

"She told you not to do that." Claire says harshly.

"No one does whatever that man did to her and gets away with it. She won't let me kill her fuckin' father, thinks it'd be too obvious but I'll be damned if I've not got men on him every minute of the day to do such a thing. I told her I would protect her and that's what I'm gonna fuckin do, yeah? No one hurts her and lives." he spits out, his finger once again pointing in your direction.

Claire takes a deep breath and turns to Aggie. "Go see to her, Aggie. I need to depart some knowledge that you don't want to relive onto Mr. Solomons," she says with a solemn nod and Aggie frowns, knowing she was right. She waits for her to be out of earshot, a quiet room with only the patter of Aggie's feet echoing down the hall. "You can't kill him." she states plainly.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because Gen wouldn't want you to." her arms go back across her chest, a look of disappointment on her face. "He's in a government position. People will try to find out what happened. He isn't some disposable lad who has no one."

"And I have killed people more important than 'im and here I stand, yeah? I pay the cops, Claire. I'm not some daft fuckin' donkey who doesn't know what he's doin'." his tone showing he takes clear offense to her statement. "So you tell me what he did to her so I can know what punishment to give 'im." he says moving closer to her, his voice seething and his head low. "I can see you hate him too." he says nodding her way.

"I do. I've wished him dead for years." she states coldly.

"Then tell me and we can all have our revenge." he offers.

The deal is a sweet one if it worked out. She knew Alfie was no amateur, and if anyone could pull it off, it would be him. She saw in his eyes he meant everything he said and that as long as he was around, no one would hurt you and get away with it. "She had to leave home because of him." she says, taking a less aggressive sigh and looking away from his intense gaze.

"Why?" he asks after her pause goes on too long.

"He's a friend of her fathers. Genevieve was rejecting every suitor that he sent her way. And in no delicate way. She was always very outspoken and rebellious towards anything her father tried to make her do. As you can imagine." she shrugs. "So George told her he was forcing her to marry that man. So when he was invited over, George leaves them in a room together alone, and displeased with her reaction when he tells her this... he..." she lets out a long sigh and closes her eyes. "He abused her." she forces out and waits before opening her eyes again. "I was there. I heard them and was locked away across the hall with the other girls. We were powerless." she shakes her head, rubbing her arms recalling the dark days. "He told her no one would believe her. Her word against his. That she had no right to refuse, she was his property now and after he was done with her no one would want a broken, used thing like her."

Alfie is deadly still, his face showing no emotion and that was how she knew he was close to exploding. "Go on." he grits out between clenched teeth.

"So, she runs to her mother. Who was horrified by the whole thing and approached George about it. There was fight that nearly tore that old, gilded house down. You know how bad Gen gets, so you can imagine the behavior of the woman who birthed her." her brows are high and her lips tight. "He refused to believe them, despite there being clear proof of it. I still remember how shaken Gen was. Dealing with that at such an impressionable age and then being treated in such a way by her father. To call her a liar with her looking like she did." she slumps her shoulders. "It wasn't as if she thought George loved her or anything but you can understand how she was broken by it nonetheless. He forced her out, saying he disowned her. Awful things were screamed and said, slaps and shoves given and taken by both. He said things no young girl should ever hear from anyone. Let alone their father. It broke her. She's carried those words with her all these years. They've fueled her to be better, most times, but they also fuel her demons. They made her think there was something wrong with her, deep down. Thinking there was something amiss about her that she couldn't fix, that she was unwanted, unlovable. It fueled a lot of her reckless and wild behavior. If it wasn't for Altar reigning her in, who even knows what would've happened. He gave her focus. Her mother eventually, under the guise of caring about the family's public image, of course, talked George into keeping her in the family for legal reasons. But it took him a long time to come to that decision and she had to build herself up from nothing on her own after that." her shoulder shrug, her hands up in defeat.

"That man." Alfie nods, his face red and his brow almost hiding his eyes. "That man did this to my Chanah?" he chokes out, his throat tight.

Claire looks at him with pity, knowing how much it hurt to know something like that about someone you loved. She simply nods.

"Has he had any contact with her since? She acted like she saw a ghost."

"She's been forced to be civil in social dinner situations. Her father kept inviting him, so even if she came home he was there and she eventually stopped going."

His heart breaks, his blood pumps faster, his face seems as if he's looking far away. His eyes narrow and twitch, darting back and forth in their clear overload of emotion. He knew this meant there had been no remorse from his man's end and he didn't feel bad in the least for about what he was about to do to him. In fact, he had started to feel a lot better about it. Certain things about your behavior start to make a lot more sense. Overwhelmed didn't begin to cover how he felt. He clears his throat as he felt a bit as if he were drowning in his emotions, both for your sake and his. "I am going to make him pay. For what he did to her. For what I'm sure he's done to others like her." he points at the door.

"I wish I could say I was against it." she shakes her head, her face now sad, lost in memories. "But I'm not. If you tell her after the fact, I can let you go. Because she deserves peace. Seeing her like that tonight I..." she swallows and wipes her face quickly as a tear threatens to show.

"I saw it too." he says with a nod.

"Nothing scares her anymore and she was..."

"Terrified."

"Yes." she nods and sighs. "I was hoping she had put it behind her but..." she shrugs. "Things like that don't fade so easily." she almost mumbles, but Alfie is close enough to hear.

"They do not." he says in agreement. "I will tell her, yeah? I will be careful. I will make him pay for what he's done to our girl. Be sure of that. She won't let me kill her father, but I will kill this man." he gives a stern nod.

"Be quick." Claire manages a whisper. "He doesn't deserve it but the sooner you're back-"

"The betta, yeah, I know." he says standing back up straight, fixing his coat and moving towards the door. "Thank you Claire. For telling me."

She gives a sad smile a nod. "I believe you to be the man for her. I wouldn't tell you otherwise. She's a complicated woman who has been through a lot and if I can share things like this with you and her not know I told you, then your ability to handle her better is worth the minor betrayal on my behalf."

"And I thank you for it. She will not know it was you. I guarantee that. I will be back as soon as I can." he gives a curt nod and with that, he disappears into the night to do the devil's work.

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[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

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Indie: boy was begging for a sick time & i gave it but its on me not him 😒😒 hold ur liquor u tourist Indie: hes flat roofin but other than that no thing to 👀 Indie: it b early tho & we all had a late Rio: They're a 24/7 services though, babe Rio: he'll be wanting to move his stash and generally clear his act up for the visit Rio: you too Indie: is it? on hols too thats a madness Indie: yeah the drum be clear of all his goods like that Indie: idk man mayb its chill like she gonna post that & not post up no harder than Rio: They might take xmas day off maybe but you know Rio: business as usual for all jan 1st Rio: well that's something Rio: maybe, but bitches like that LOVE making complaints about everything so maybe not Indie: she do have that talk to the manager vibe Indie: i done fucked up real didnt i? Rio: big time karen Rio: nah, in the eyes of everyone it's Drew that did Rio: but they won't be able to prove the drugs bit if they're gone so it's not enough to take you, a party gone wrong, bad judgment but maybe we can swing it that he was here somehow Rio: hmm Indie: but like he had mad trust for me & i brought him mad problems Rio: they're grown problems, he's big enough to fix 'em Indie: u too making ur nite go off on a real turn Indie: bet ur boy is bare vexed Rio: you know i'd rather you ring me than let it go more tits Rio: what are big sisters for Rio: but yeah, didn't even see him in the end so he ain't stopped Indie: innit Indie: tell him he can hit me up for something to take off that edge Indie: debts be paid around here Rio: um you ain't supposed to have no thing 'scuse you Rio: there's a plan here Indie: i gots places & heads to trust in Rio: nah, I'll make it up to him, don't worry 'bout that Indie: 😉😉😉 Rio: 😏 shush lil girl Indie: grown problems ur big enough to fix i kno 💋🤤🤤 Rio: so thirsty, go hydrate Rio: know you need to 😘 Indie: rude i got lipsed by bare boys last nite they were rigging dem bottle spins cos im ��🔥 dont b tryna put me out Rio: you need to cool off for a minute, bitch Rio: you in trouble Indie: not wit u Rio: yeah, don't push it 😉 Indie: 💔😢😢 dont do me like that on day 1 of the year 🙏🙏🙏 Rio: it started HOURS ago and I was still here with you cleaning blood out the carpet Rio: don't talk to me about day 1s when I'm clearly ride or die Indie: u kno im good for ious & i got mad love Rio: 🧡 Rio: i'm good really Rio: let's sort the actual situation Indie: u gonna charm the social for me? Rio: give it my best Indie: safe ✌✌ Rio: probably the straightest middle-aged lady Rio: so more likely your da will have to get on it Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: what drew b good for Rio: init tho Indie: we all been knew Indie: he better werk so it works Rio: Sure it won't be too hard, like Rio: even if she ain't all that 😂 Indie: she aint gon b bangin but his exes show he aint need that to chirp on Rio: 👀 Indie: 😂😂😏😏 Indie: can u roll up wit eats im about to die Rio: bit rude to both our ma, like lmao Rio: 'course Rio: bring leftovers Indie: ur ma dont count as no ex cos she ✖ed him out Indie: & my ma got that permanent ✖ so bigger problems than my shade innit Rio: no problems when you an 👼 Rio: fucking hopefully Indie: u my 👼 bringing that energy Indie: that means u can jam Rio: is it? Rio: 😏 Rio: let Ryan know eh Indie: he kno u a 😈 too Indie: how he be livin Rio: mhmm Rio: well he gon' have to wait for now Indie: he gon have beef wit me Indie: soz boyyy Rio: nah we was already beefin' 'fore this Indie: yeah? Indie: what he do? 👀 Rio: nah, what I do more like Rio: you know I'm 😈 Indie: o shit Indie: gimme that 411 Rio: nothing exciting Rio: just be looking too bad to be giving him that much air, you know the drill Indie: hes so hyped for u Indie: its been weeks boy no u cant cuff it Indie: who u think u is Rio: can you blame him Rio: hot property, baby Indie: u did look 💣💣💣 last nite my bad Indie: theres a boy @ school tryna chat @ the rest hes my bf so i feel it fr Indie: boy please DO I LOOK LIKE Indie: not tryna hold ur damn hand Rio: is he cute tho Indie: if he werent he wouldnt be able to chat no thing Indie: 💪 fuck him up Rio: 😂 Rio: gotta 'tect the rep Indie: he kno it tho & its like tell me how 🔥🔥 i am dont b talking on urself all the time Rio: not a mood Indie: innit Indie: dry as Rio: that's boys for you Indie: & he didnt show last nite Rio: playing hard to get or just got parents who give a fuck Indie: year up x 2 so he could come thru the ends whenever Indie: but i 💋 all his mandem so itll hit back Rio: play @ his own game  alright Indie: do u think i went too hard tho? Rio: do you want him to be your mans or nah Indie: idk Rio: then it depends Rio: beyond knowing he loves himself, idk how he's vibing Rio: might be too far Indie: hes vibing like hes about me but i Rio: but you? Indie: how do i live that Indie: trust it Indie: drews meshing a new every week he says u gotta keep free on it Rio: works for him Rio: everyone's different Rio: you don't have to trust him yet Indie: mayb hes only about me til i give him something & im not tryna be a show like that Rio: that happens, not gonna sit here and lie and say it don't Rio: you're too young to be thinking on that or worrying Rio: keep him and the rest waiting Indie: yeah okay Indie: gimme a few to have puberty roll up Indie: still waiting on that Rio: it'll happen Rio: not that it's a barrel of laughs, like Rio: nothing to be hyped about Indie: i dont want it Indie: freaky shit going on Rio: unless you gonna stop eating, which unlikely Rio: you fucked, babe, we all are, soz Rio: get boobies though, perks Indie: that best not be you tryna skip on bringing me a meal bitch Indie: bout to hit the afterlife running here like Rio: 🙄 omw you rude ass hoe Rio: like you said, none of us had earlies Indie: omw fr or like when u tell ur mans u @ the club but u still tryin on fits in ur room Rio: like fr when I ever done you like that Indie: dont b starting Indie: ily Rio: 🤞 never Rio: ily more Indie: drews back if u wanna spit at him how to sort his life Rio: i will Rio: he ain't ready for this Indie: resolutions b dashing past this postcode we all avoidin that change Rio: you gotta Rio: sort you both Indie: hey swerve me im good Rio: 😏 Rio: fine i'll focus on your daddy Rio: no love for you Indie: 👼👼🤞🤞 Indie: call him that when you give it & he'll give in Rio: oh you schooling me on how to get blokes to do what I want now Rio: ok miss thing Indie: just him i 👂 what i hear & i kno what i kno Indie: hes here for all that Rio: you poor child Rio: anything grosser than parents going at it 😬 Indie: nah man its nasty & long being under this roof sometimes trust Rio: 🤢 Indie: some of his girls got me tempted to 📱 the social my own self & my ma looking like a saint Rio: that ain't right Rio: negates any buffness he got going on Indie: why lads wanna get on or under ANYTHING?! Indie: true madness Indie: 😂😂😂 Rio: friction 🤷 Indie: yeah but like theres girls out there bringing it & you're gonna hit that Rio: he probably ain't got as much choice as he fronts Rio: lots of grown women ain't about his lifestyle so that leaves him w the younger ones who is Rio: stick at it too long, you get busted, just facts Indie: when you old & so is your baggage 😂😂✌✌ Rio: I mean Rio: I ain't say nothing 😉 Indie: keep that ☮ mama Rio: least he looks p young still Rio: nothing worse than an actual creepy old man dealer Indie: do he? 👴 to me Rio: nah Rio: he only what, 31 Rio: that's no thing to me, gurl Indie: mayb im just 🍋 cos he aint tryna gimme no 💸💸💸 Indie: & he aint caring my head hurts Rio: aw bb Rio: 'round the corner Rio: I'll look after you Indie: 💖💖💖 Indie: u didnt tell me it b like this tho partying Rio: didn't think i had to be that quick with the warnings Rio: next day hurts Indie: always? Rio: 'less you prepare and do it right Rio: it can be bearable Rio: better than you feeling, no doubt Indie: how i do that? school me yeah Rio: 'course Rio: on the to-do list now Indie: we doing the next as a back to school thing so you got a few to bring me up Rio: you best be doing it at some other fucker's gaff and all Rio: giving me grey hairs 🙄 Indie: 😂😂✌✌ Indie: imma make that boy host it Indie: if he love me Rio: You're getting a chaperone regardless Indie: serious? Rio: yeah Indie: 💔💔💔 Rio: don't start like you don't know why Indie: i aint trippin you are tho if u think i want a repeat Rio: what, you too cool for me now? Indie: innit 😏😏😏 Indie: but nah just Rio: you so is Rio: you think imma embarrass you in-front of your mans Indie: he aint gon b my mans if u there Indie: whos 👀 me over u Rio: nah don't be silly Indie: im being real Indie: ur 💣💣💣🔥🔥🔥 Rio: so are you Rio: and I don't think a lad who likes you will be into me Indie: every lad b into u they all chat on u fully 😍😍😍💘💘😍 Rio: sounds like plenty are into you too Indie: 😂😂 it was for the spin Indie: cant pussy out Rio: 😏 mhmm Rio: well I promise you I won't be joining in, like Rio: now come let me in if you got strength to get the door Indie: 💪💪 babyyy Indie: [lets her in cos fuck know what drew is doing, flexing in the mirror probably] Rio: [lol watch him rush out when he realize] Indie: [hears her voice & runs out pretending to be casual] Rio: [oh boy, do not deserve her sorting your life, temporarily, but it's for Indie so] Indie: [bless her she's dying rn & just wants to be snuggled cos literal child] Rio: [give them a sec 'scuse you sir] Indie: [I hate everything about this, Carly didn't die for this] Rio: [just making leftovers] Indie: [drew chatting to her like she's here to hang with him & we all know] Rio: [don't you touch caleb's food bitch] Indie: [is nothing sacred you slag] Indie: [indie just fully lying stretched out on the counter like its a bed like let me die] Rio: [getting a bag of peas or some shit in a tea towel and putting it on her head] Indie: [such a good mum but that don't mean you can step ma her drew] Rio: [not her fault she can converse more like a grown-up than you Indie: [we should send Indie running off to the bathroom no offense Caleb but I'm evil & wanna leave them alone for a sec for the mood] Rio: [shoulda gone to hold her hair but now you can level with him and he can pretend he's a responsible adult lmao] Indie: [& Ryan can be highkey & he can pretend he cares] Rio: [ah the joys]

[thefutureduchessmarie]

21 Questions

I was tagged by @carmenonmonday (Thanks by the way. It was very sweet of you to tag me)

1. Gender - Female

2. Height - 168 cm

3. Zodiac - Pisces

4. Last Movie I Saw - “Shoplifters” Its probably not everyone’s cup of tea, but I highly recommend. Its heartwarming in a very strange way

5. Favourite musician - Im really bad at answering “fav anything” questions, because I change my mind like 5 times a day. But Im in a strong Artic Monkeys fase, so lets go with that. Oh, and Beyonce because she’s the Queen of the Fucking World 

6. Favourite Actor - Again, really bad at the whole favorite thing, but I love Marion Cotillard and she was the first one that came to my mind. 

7. Favourite fanfiction - I swear its not because she tagged me, but @carmenonmonday‘s Merci Verse is unbelievably good, as well as we've got younger faces than our hearts are letting on  (I actually don’t know which story I prefer, tbh). She just writes the characters so well and really takes you on a journey where you’ll feel every emotion possible. 

In This World Of Ours by @dierdele​ (I mean, its impossible to ship Eric and Dele and NOT love this fic sorry, I dont make the rules)

Special mention to the Souls on Fire / GeneratioNext Verse. I didn’t really follow German football until I started reading this, but I was completely hooked by this complex, huuuuge verse. If you love family fics as much as I do, then you can’t miss this one (Steno and their twins are the best).

Also loved Can't Help Falling In Love With You  and @clarespace​ does established / canon-compliant really, really well in that’s life, innit? 

8. Favourite Movie - “Moulin Rouge”. There are better movies out there; stories that moved me more, really made me think etc, but this is my comfort movie. I’ve watched it a million times and I know I’ll watch it a million times more 

9. Favourite anime - Sorry, not my thing :/

10. Play an instrument? Sadly no. Im super uncoordinated and have zero sense of rhythm 

11. Random Fact? I once won a contest where I got to go on the pitch during half-time of my team’s game (Sporting CP), meet the mascot, try (and fail miserably) to score a penalty only to receive a watch in the end. It was wild and awesome, specially cause I loved, loved, loved meeting our Mascot. He’s the best (Google “Jubas” and you’ll see what I mean)

12. Lucky number - I don’t really have one. Im not superstitious at all

13. Do you get Asks? Not really. But Im not super active in here, so It’s to be expected (its always a pleasant surprise when I get tagged in this things, though)

14. Favourite fandoms - I know its weird and it makes zero sense, because the two couldn’t be further apart but: Football and Royalty 

15. Favourite Song? Again, it changes constantly - but It’s Quiet Uptown, from Hamilton, is one of the most beautifully sad things Ive ever heard and always manages to touch my heart (and Im watching Hamilton this summer, so the entire soundtrack has been on repeat lately)

16. What am I wearing? Pijamas 

17. Hair Colour - Ginger (im naturally a brunette, but that was just a genetic mistake - I should have been born a ginger, so I’ve been dying my hair for years)

18. Eye Colour - Brown.

19. Hobbies - watching sports and suffering, obviously - mostly football, but also tennis or anything where Sporting CP has a team; photography; cooking 

20. Favourite weather - Spring 

21. Favourite superhero - Im really don’t like superheroes, sorry (but if it helps, I saw a few Spiderman movies with my friends, back when I was in high school, and didn’t completely hate it) I tag @category-5-harry-kane​ and @norwegianroyalfamily

[ser-rctslcyer]

Oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck its here hhhhh oh fuck oh god

“She finally relented!” he smiled smiling stupidly when you clapped your hands like an excited child “I start tomorrow! She’s a bit bent about it but when is she not bent about something?” he talks to you so easily as if he’s known you for ten years instead of ten days like he’s long since lost the key to his heart because you have it around your neck.

“I’m so proud of you!!” you cheer & it makes his heart thump so loud he fears he might faint “I’ll be sure to be here tomorrow!” you’re always here & you don’t even work here. You come here every day in the morning, you come back for lunch, & sometimes you even pop in at night just to walk Steven home as he rambles on & on for ages upon ages. It feels like you’ve been doing this for weeks but in retrospect, you've only been keeping this routine for the last six days.

Please this is the cutest fucking thing... his excitement about finally getting his deserved tour guide job and then also congratulating him!!! He’s such a puppy and I adore him so much 😭

“I think I really, really like you.” his eyes widen as his hand clasps over his mouth in an instant back sinking into the chair.

No because IT IS UNFAIR HOW WELL I CAN VISUALIZE HIM DOING THIS HHHHH PLEASE HES TOO FREAKING CUTE!!!!! THIS WHOLE CONFESSION SCENE IS SO FUCKING ADORABLE HOLY HELL AAAAAA

“Wear the black shirt!” Marc chimes & Steven makes a knowing noise putting it on thusly “Now the jacket, Steven.” the man in the mirror employs & Steven, once again, listens.

“How do I look now?”

“Fix your hair, amigo.” hums the New Yorker “Comb it this time.” the gift shopist nods again & combs his hair thoughtfully. He leans back making a little motion with his hand & the two men on either side of his mirror commend him for not looking like a disheveled rat.

“Thanks a lot, mates, some friends you are.” his eyes roll as the other two fade leaving him in all three sides of the mirror. Checking his watch he sighs softly seeing that it’s now 6:50pm.

FUCKFUKFUCJ THE BOYS HELPIGN HIM GET RTEADY IMC GOUNG TO CRY AAAAAAAAAQ

“That one’s Gus & that one’s Gilly.” you repeat the names to yourself softly deeming this information very, very, important for later use “They don’t do a whole lot but I love them so, I guess, that’s what matters innit?” you turn smiling at him your faces once again barely touching & Gods does he want to kiss you but he’s being a gentleman about this whole thing even if he would love nothing more than to kiss you until the sun came up.

IGILLY GILLY GILY GILLY MY BELOVED I SWEAR HHHHHHH IM DYING!!! WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO HEAR HIM SAY THAT HHHHH

“Can I ask you something?” he whispers shifting close to you causing you to shift closer in turn & nod “Can I kiss you?” you close the gap before he can planting your lips on his soft ones. Moving together leisurely small sounds bubbling from your lips dancing against one another “I’ve waited my entire life to do that.” he laughs lips still brushing against yours.

“You met me ten days ago,” you murmur kissing him again before he can reply

“My comment still stands.” he you at him tugging him until he’s straddling your lap your hands on his hips, his arms draped around your neck. Your kisses remain soft & tender both of you exchanging who takes lead, whose tongue is in whose mouth, etc.

SIR STOP MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

You pulled the item through his belt loops quickly letting it thunk loudly on the wooden floor. That just may have singlehandedly been the hottest thing you have ever fucking done & he’s just staring at your hands because they’re to close to his length &--

No cause this got me feeling some type of way-- i cannot explicitly for thats tmi...

“F–fucck.” his hips buck into your grip once, twice, & then a third time before you guide him to your weeping entrance. He looks down using a free hand to rest atop your own as he rubs his tip against your folds & pushing in with a mangled cry of pleasure. Arms plant on either side of your head his nose just barely brushing your own “You feel so good, ohfuck.” he’s definitely going to remember this until the day he dies.

He rolls his hips once, twice, thrice, & then pulls out halfway & thrusts back in. The pace is a steady rhythm of bodies locking together, skin against skin softly echoing with the smacking of your lips becoming one in a fervent tango. He wants to build a home in this world you’ve suddenly created with him, this world of love, desire, comfort, praise, youyouyou. He wants to build a home with you, in the essence of you, for you, about you, because of you…..he wants to devote every part of himself to you until his time is up & fate rips him away.

I. Have. No. Words.

THIS FIC

THIS FUCKING FIC

IS GOING TO BE ENGRAINED INTO MY BRAIN FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!! I AM GOING TO COMBUST, EXPLODE, SHATTER INTO A MILLION FUCKING PIECES AT HOW WELL, SWEET, AND FUCKING HOT THIS FIC IS!!! I WILL NEVER BE OVER HOW WELL YOU WRITE HIM, YOU HEAR ME!!! 

IN CONCLUSION

Not so Secret Affections

Title: Not so Secret Affections

Steven Grant x GN!Afab!Reader

A/N: MINORS DNI! Usage of ‘and’ as well as ’&’ is intentional. the small font is intentional as well. This turned into a fic but you knew this, YOU KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN YOU GREMLIN (@losermultifandomidiot)!

Summary: Steven has a crush on you, you have a crush on Steven, both of you are painfully obvious & oblivious

Word count: 4,030K

Warnings: Fluff, yearning, Autistic Steven Grant, Steven has a huge crush on you, mentions of Marc & Jake (ish), Steven is the human embodiment of a lovesick puppy, kissing, tenderness, Steven is sassy & I will die on this hill, sitting Steven in your lap so you can shower him in love, soft Steven Grant is soft & I love him, smut, soft sex, oral (reader receiving), have I mentioned Steven Grant fucks?, fumbling out of clothes, missionary, unprotected sex (wear protection y'all), porn with feelings galore, breeding kink, getting together

Prompt: “ i like you. i really, really like you. ” , " wait you knew? ", " you haven't exactly been very discreet... " from this list.

He met you at the gift shop ten days ago, he talked about you to Marc eight days ago, and Jake started encouraging him the same day to ask you out or to at the very least befriend you. He hasn’t acted on any of their suggestions & you are nearing day eleven of Steven Grant staring at you from time to time & you popping into the gift shop just to see his face.

Neither of you is being very subtle but you’re also so oblivious to the shared affection that neither of you has said a word about it.

“Morning, Steven!” you chime waving at him as you duck into the gift shop & he waves back with the hand not currently clutching his coffee.  He casts a look somewhere in the corner but you pay it no mind already leaning on the counter with a grind “How’s convincing your, evil boss, to let you be a tour guide going?” he smiled behind the lid of his ravel cup because you remember things about him, you care about him, you’re always so invested in him.

“She finally relented!” he smiled smiling stupidly when you clapped your hands like an excited child “I start tomorrow! She’s a bit bent about it but when is she not bent about something?” he talks to you so easily as if he’s known you for ten years instead of ten days like he’s long since lost the key to his heart because you have it around your neck.

“I’m so proud of you!!” you cheer & it makes his heart thump so loud he fears he might faint “I’ll be sure to be here tomorrow!” you’re always here & you don’t even work here. You come here every day in the morning, you come back for lunch, & sometimes you even pop in at night just to walk Steven home as he rambles on & on for ages upon ages. It feels like you’ve been doing this for weeks but in retrospect, you've only been keeping this routine for the last six days.

“Do you, uhm.” he starts waving his hand absently almost as if he’s shooing someone who isn’t there away “--d’ya wanna grab a coffee or something?” he blinks realizing he hasn’t even set a time what a charmer he is, stupid twit “--n–now, maybe. Of course, you don’t have to I wa–”

“Yes!” you clear your throat eyes widening because you just cheered like a fucking idiot “I mean, yes, yes I would.” biting your lower lip you smile at him & he smiles back fumbling for his wallet in his bag. He makes a soft little noise when he finds it popping up from behind the desk like a very cute jumpscare that isn’t very scary “Donna won’t kill you will she?”

“Donna’s a brat, love, I always manage to piss her off.” he winks at you his cheekiness flooding through & Jesus-fucking-Christ you think you might scream into the void because how is someone so awkward so hot at the same time? 

He makes it over to you tapping his wallet against his temple in thought “We could grab a coffee at the cafe not far from here or–” he leans in smiling at you, the cheeky bastard “--or, we could go to the one with the posh little cups.” you know exactly what place he’s talking about because you dragged him there five days ago & it was the best thing you had ever experienced. Picture it for a moment, Steven still in his work clothes, hair messy, glasses on the bridge of his nose so he could read the menu, sipping coffee & smiling—Gods it was wonderful.

“Donna is going to have your head–” you chide heart racing from the closeness

“So be it.” he says smiling at you & walking away so you’ll follow him “My shift doesn’t start for another two hours so I am allowed to leave if I want to.” you’ve always found steven’s love of the museum endearing because he arrives way too early, he leaves way too late, he might be the one man on Earth who loves his job more than life itself.

You did run into Donna on the way out but she just reminded him to be back in time for his shift or she’ll have his head. You couldn’t help the giggle when he sassed her like a bratty child elbowing you gently to make you shut up.

“Stevie? That’s a cute nickname.” you hum leaning back in your seat across from him & he grimaces glasses resting at the end of his nose “What? Do you not like it?”

“No, I much prefer Steven.” he flashes you a soft smile pushing his glasses up his scrunched nose “I’ve been called Scotty, Stevie, Steve, & a whole other list of things on multiple occasions. I’d rather just be called Steven out of all of them,” he speaks softer to the waiter gazing at you the entire time you speak & before he can fully process what he’s saying he, “I think I really, really like you.” his eyes widen as his hand clasps over his mouth in an instant back sinking into the chair.

“Was that supposed to be a surprising revelation?” you giggles nudging one of his shoes with your own

“Wait…” he stammers sitting up hastily “--you knew?” he damns near on the table with how doubled over his eyes. Brilliant brown eyes blown wide, face heated, & hair a slight mess because he didn’t comb it very well this morning.

“You haven’t exactly been very discreet…” you whisper & he leans back adjusting his clothes, popping his glasses back into his pocket, & stays silent. All either of you can hear is the beating of your own hearts & the overwhelming realization that neither of you have rejected any of the current happenings.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” you ask he shakes his head “A boyfriend?” you ask again & he shakes his head again his excitement rising “Do you….do you want either of those?” he nods then leans forward

“Do you?” he asks & now you’re the one nodding & being all nervous “Wanna come over tonight?” he asks fingers itching to rest atop yours but he fights the urge “Not for anything nefarious I just, I dunno, I could cook maybe for—for us–for you.”

“Yes, please, God, yes.” he smiles at you like a lovesick kid & you share the same smile. The moment is fleeting when the waiter sets down your drinks & food forcing you both to sit in your seats properly.

“Righ’, yeah, that’s the address! I’ll buzz you in!” he’s sweating but you don’t notice, he’s barely breathing but you don’t notice, he looks lovesick & you notice. Smiling at him you carefully fix his hair in the way you always do but it seems so much more intimate now that you’re his or nearly his in the next few hours “Thank you.” he whispers smiling bashfully when you murmur ‘you’re welcome.’ & fix the collar of his shirt. It’s strange how easily he could get used to this, this soft intimacy between people in the busy day, this litany of soft touches & gazes, yeah, yeah he could get used to this for a while.

“See you at seven.” you kiss his cheek goodbye & he stands there and feels the spot for a few seconds before returning the same kiss to your forehead “See you at seven,” he repeats lips pressed softly against your skin, it makes your heart yearn for those lips to press against yours over & over until neither of you can breathe or think or live without each other.

You both rather unwillingly say goodbye to each other for the day but that doesn’t mean you don’t text each other little questions about what food you want, do you want wine, maybe you could watch a movie, etc. It’s all very domestic & gentle…you both could get used to this.

“I look like a knob,” he whines pulling off the tie you put on & shedding the jacket

“Wear the black shirt!” Marc chimes & Steven makes a knowing noise putting it on thusly “Now the jacket, Steven.” the man in the mirror employs & Steven, once again, listens.

“How do I look now?”

“Fix your hair, amigo.” hums the New Yorker “Comb it this time.” the gift shopist nods again & combs his hair thoughtfully. He leans back making a little motion with his hand & the two men on either side of his mirror commend him for not looking like a disheveled rat.

“Thanks a lot, mates, some friends you are.” his eyes roll as the other two fade leaving him in all three sides of the mirror. Checking his watch he sighs softly seeing that it’s now 6:50pm.

You’re arriving earlier than you mean to but you’re excited in your nice clothes, a gift for Steven in hand. You thought he’d like a book on ancient Egypt & why they worshipped cats. He may have the book, who knows, but it’s the thought that counts. Walking up to the complex doors you text steven of your earlier than intended arrival & he nearly jumps out of his skin shrieking like a girl in a horror film. Originally he had planned to meet you downstairs but now that you’re here & he’s in his apartment it’s taking him longer than he’d like to get to the door.

“I thought you were just going to buzz me in?” you tease

“You look fuckin’ stunnin’, love.” he oggles scanning you up & down before realizing you spoke to him “‘m sorry, what, oh! Righ’, yeh,  the elevator can be’a bit dodgy so I decided to ride it with you.” he lets you inside clicking the door shut behind you. You both stand there very much in each other’s space until he “We should get to my flat.” you nod not noticing the way you’re both leaning in for a kiss until he’s pulled away & started guiding you to the elevator. 

Neither of you speaks the whole ride up too busy calming your mutual nerves. He takes you to his apartment door “It’s’a bit messy.” the scent of old books, pasta, & cologne fills your senses pleasantly a content hum leaving you because you really could get used to this.

“You have fish!” you gasp leaning to see the two goldies swimming happily in their very nice tank. The sight of it makes Steven yearn for you more than he already is as he leans beside you & smiles at the kiddush grin on your wonderful face.

“That one’s Gus & that one’s Gilly.” you repeat the names to yourself softly deeming this information very, very, important for later use “They don’t do a whole lot but I love them so, I guess, that’s what matters innit?” you turn smiling at him your faces once again barely touching & Gods does he want to kiss you but he’s being a gentleman about this whole thing even if he would love nothing more than to kiss you until the sun came up.

“I made pasta if it tastes terrible we’ll get take out, yeah?” you can feel his breath on your face & can smell mint on his breath “That’s fine, yeah.” you swallow thickly when he moves away from you hesitantly almost like he’s fighting his own urges just as much as you are.

“Wine or tea?”

“Wine please!” the bottle opens easily albeit Jake opened it & not Steven but you don’t know that. 

You smile at the little indoor picnic setup he made for you both given he doesn’t really have a table to eat on. Sitting on one of the cushions you cross your legs & look around his book-filled apartment noticing little sections of it are neater than others, some books on cars & transportation in one corner, other’s on baseball & various American sports, the rest of the books are unabashedly Steven. 

Speaking of him, he sits down across from you carefully handing you your plate & your wine with a smile. He looks adorable sipping his wine & fumbling about “Do you like sports & cars?” you ask & his eyes widen briefly obviously caught off guard.

“A bit.” he lies sipping the wine a little faster than intended “I dabble.” he lies again seemingly embarrassed that you noticed the books. Not that he’s ashamed of them but just that he hasn’t really gotten around to confessing his biggest secret to you.

“You like Egypt more though!” you sip your own wine & he’s relieved that you’ve dropped the previous comments. He nods smiling at you his metaphorical infodump bottle being uncorked for the next half hour as you both eat, drink, talk, & fall in love with one another. 

He can’t believe that he’s actually having a proper date with you nice clothes & all nor can he believe that you said yes so willingly. It’s like a dream, one he never wants to wake from, one he wants to be trapped in for eternity just to love you forevermore. 

“Can I ask you something?” he whispers shifting close to you causing you to shift closer in turn & nod “Can I kiss you?” you close the gap before he can planting your lips on his soft ones. Moving together leisurely small sounds bubbling from your lips dancing against one another “I’ve waited my entire life to do that.” he laughs lips still brushing against yours.

“You met me ten days ago,” you murmur kissing him again before he can reply

“My comment still stands.” he you at him tugging him until he’s straddling your lap your hands on his hips, his arms draped around your neck. Your kisses remain soft & tender both of you exchanging who takes lead, whose tongue is in whose mouth, etc.

“This still okay?” you ask softly kissing along his neck & jaw.

“More than okay.” he breathes biting back a soft moan when you kiss a certain spot on his neck “Can we—” before he can ask you’re already getting him off you so the pair of you can become a tangled mess in his bed. 

He smiles down at you kissing you deeply rolling his hips against you in a soft grind to relieve the pressure in his slacks “Are you sure about this?” he asks kissing your neck lazily & nipping at the skin.

“Fuck, yeah I’m sure.” your enthusiasm makes a shiver run down his spine pleasantly. You want this just as much as he does & it only makes his kisses get hungrier against your neck “Off, please.” you whine already unbuttoning his shirt & struggling to push his off him. He chuckles as you leaning back to tug his jacket off first & then his shirt & preemptively his belt.

“Bollocks not again.” he huffed only to stifle a noise when your hands eagerly fiddled with his buckle until it was free. You pulled the item through his belt loops quickly letting it thunk loudly on the wooden floor. That just may have singlehandedly been the hottest thing you have ever fucking done & he’s just staring at your hands because they’re to close to his length &--

“Help me?” you whisper & he nods quickly tugging off your shirt only to apologize when it gets stuck around your wrists. You both are a mess of giggles & lingering kisses for a few moments just savoring each other with your mouths. Feeling each other’s skin with your hands like your both goddamned pieces of art–which, of course, you are.

Trailing down your body carefully he kisses your chest, your stomach, & stops just above the hem of your bottoms “Can I?” he asks eyes wide & hair a mess. He waits for you to nod before moving to remove your shoes first, kicking off his own in the process, he tugs your bottoms down first until they hit the floor. You're almost fully bare to him now minus your underwear & it’s something you’ve dreamed of.

You never knew steven taking you to bed would be this lovingly with his longing gaze & warm lips pressing into your skin. He nips your thighs eyes looking up at you when he kisses your stomach again.

“Steven~!” you cry his name beautifully when his mouth engulfs your heat through the fabric of your underwear. His tongue poking at you through the thin fabric, this man is going to be the fucking death of you. Tugging at his curls you roll your hips against his mouth softly begging whatever God to let him taste you before you combust.

“Shh, I have you, darling.” he soothes tugging your now messy undergarment down your legs like he was made to be the most sensual man in the world. You squeeze your thighs shut only to moan softly when his gentle hands coax them back open a soft praising nickname leaving his lips, his kisses becoming hotter now. He’s biting into your skin enough to leave light marks, suckling hickeys only he’ll see & no one else into the flesh on your inner thighs.

Blowing cool air against your slicked core he licks a long stripe against your folds moaning at the flavor of you. You taste better than he could’ve imagined & it’s making him dizzy, granted the glasses of wine may also be making him dizzy but that’s neither here nor there. Swirling his tongue around your clit he stares up at your hands grabbing yours, lacing your fingers thusly & squeezing for reassurance. 

He looks gorgeous down there nosing your clit & fucking you with his tongue. His mouth is more skilled than you thought. Still, he looks gorgeous with his eyes hidden under his long lashes, his hair a mess of curls, and his skin dusted with a flush from the sheer adrenaline of everything happening to you both. You never thought he’d take you to bed so quickly but in his defense, you started this game & now you have to finish it which, obviously, you want to finish this game & play again in the morning.

“Oh~~ohfuckohfuck, baby~” you whimper back arching off the bed exquisitely your climax nearing as he tongues your clit again. Sucking the bud & nipping at it with soft groans because, Jesus Christ, he never wants to hear anyone moan his name ever again if it isn’t you. Flicking his eyes up he gazes up at you desire & love lacing them in a way that’s so fucking sensual you’re committing it to memory.

“I wanna cum, pleaseplease!” he hums against you putting more effort behind his ministrations until that cord finally snaps. Your back arches off the bed as you grind against his mouth moaning variations of his name, God’s name, & senseless babble from the intensity of your orgasm washing over you. Leaving you a pleasantly twitching mess who still has enough strength to tug Steven’s hands to beckon him to your face again.

The sight of him is truly pornographic; his lips are drenched in you, his hair is sticking to his forehead near his temples, and his eyes are dark & needy but before you can comment he’s kissing you flooding your senses with the taste of wine & your own juices. You moan loudly for him hands gripping his curls “I want you so badly.” he whines.

“I want you too-” you concur “Please, I’ve wanted you since the day I met you–” he laughs realizing the two of you have truly been in the same lovesick cage all along. He shushes you when you soft plead for him again “Shh, my darling, I’ve got you, yeah?” you kiss him again soft & slow melting into him all over again.

He climbs off the beds fumbling with his slacks & boxers until they're finally on the floor “Oh shit–” he hisses as the thick air hits his length causing it to twitch. He takes a fleeting moment to compose himself before climbing back on top of you & planting an arm beside your head “You can still say no.” he whispers.

“I want this,” you whisper back reaching between you both to finally touch his length. Stroking him slowly you watch the way his brows knit, the way his mouth hangs open, the scrunch of his nose when he whines out your name the pleasure already insurmountable. It’s hot, Gods it’s so fucking hot seeing how needy he is for you seeing how easy it is to make all sorts of noises leave his beautiful mouth “You like that, baby?” the nickname alone makes him whine louder nodding his head.

“F–fucck.” his hips buck into your grip once, twice, & then a third time before you guide him to your weeping entrance. He looks down using a free hand to rest atop your own as he rubs his tip against your folds & pushing in with a mangled cry of pleasure. Arms plant on either side of your head his nose just barely brushing your own “You feel so good, ohfuck.” he’s definitely going to remember this until the day he dies.

He rolls his hips once, twice, thrice, & then pulls out halfway & thrusts back in. The pace is a steady rhythm of bodies locking together, skin against skin softly echoing with the smacking of your lips becoming one in a fervent tango. He wants to build a home in this world you’ve suddenly created with him, this world of love, desire, comfort, praise, youyouyou. He wants to build a home with you, in the essence of you, for you, about you, because of you…..he wants to devote every part of himself to you until his time is up & fate rips him away.

You want to do the same with him as you moan nails raking down his back your eyes screw shut with pleasure. Your foreheads are pressed together both of you far too enthralled to speak to one another as you make love in a way you’ve never experienced before “Look at me, baby.” he groans eyes locking with your own in some sort of unspoken confession of love. You can see it, the love in his brown eyes, you can see the desire in them but it’s overshadowed by the adoration. You have a similar gaze & it makes his heart thunk against his ribcage & his brain goes all fuzzy from the sheer understanding that you’re holding that gaze only for him.

“Fuck, I’m close.” he whines biting his lip when you wrap your legs around his waist & push him deeper inside you “Are you close, sweetheart?” he asks lips brushing against yours until you nod & kiss him frantically. Both of you become another mess of moans, whines, & strangled cries of pleasure as your orgasms wash over you both & the feeling of him spilling inside you etches into your core memory.

He nearly collapses on you kissing you softly & smiling against you “I’m takin’ you out again.”

“God, I hope so.” you laugh at your now-boyfriend Steven Grant.

“I need to–” he apologizes softly as he pulls out of you his eyes fixating on the image of his cum slowly dripping out of you a confirmation that you’re his. He moves to lay beside you stretching his arms for you to snuggle onto his chest. You do so happily listening to the thumping of his heart as it slows down he smells of cologne, you, & sex—all things you could very much get used to. His arms wrap around you & a kiss presses atop your head “Gnight, darling.” he murmurs exhaustion already oozing into him like molasses.

“Gnight, baby,” you murmur back his heartbeat acting like a soft lullaby until sleep takes your bones & leaves you in the arms of the man you never want to live without.

[hearingmyselftalk]

interesting phenomenon, really

the things you learn from the people that you date. 

you learn what you like and what you don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and what you absolutely won’t stand for... but something i never thought about until my last relationship is: what are peoples thresholds forreal? and at what point is acknowledging these thresholds the right time to?

what do i mean by thresholds? people’s tolerance, expounded. what are people really willing to put up with when it comes to a boyfriend/girlfriend. you know how people date and joke around and say, “if i were to get into some kind of freak accident and left bound to a wheelchair for the rest of my life, would you still love me?” that’s a super high threshold innit? 

if we were to scale a threshold or were to explain different levels of tolerance as scenarios to ME, they would go as follows;

-losing a job -finding out you’re depressed/anxious some other kind of mental ailment -repetitive, never ending, annoying arguments -physical ailment, something long term or something like losing a limb, or facial disfigurement -toxic arguments where there are often low-blows, using something said in confidence to you as a defense, verbal abuse -terminal illness of yourself or direct family members -death of a close family member

along the lines, i’m sure there are other various scenarios that would test a persons tolerance or their threshold for dealing with you like if you murdered someone or, just having too different of opinions or even something smaller (i guess i figure the smaller things would get weeded out earlier because if those things bother you now, you figure you would address them now, but that’s for another time) however, you really have to know the person you’re dealing with.

that’s really my bottom line. it sounds so simple like when you say it outloud, but really, investing so much emotionally and mentally into a person, when it comes down to bullet two, repetitive, annoying never ending fights... i’m just different because one) i believe in picking and choosing your battles and two) i genuinely have thought ive found the person that i would obviously prefer not to have fights with, but if they were gonna be with anybody, they’d be with you...and it doesn’t ever happen like that for me is what i’m trying to say. 

i’ve grown EXPONENTIALLY when it comes down to how i handle my relationships. i really really need to work on the whole “leave before you get left” ideology because it’s not working. it just doesn’t work. and that’s not even what i really want. i’m truly a lover, and im a firm believer in fighting for the shit that you really want. nobody ever wants to fight for me though. LOL. i read in mark mansons book unfuck yourself, about being a winner. telling myself we weren’t going to end up together and we would stop talking, is me being me, self sabotaging, and at this point, miss me with manifestation because that shit doesn’t work for me either, but saying that and then it happening is literally me winning. but in the bad way. in the way that mark said that we fuck ourselves. by inadvertently or subconsciously and even really more often than not consciously make decisions and essentially have thoughts that turn into exactly what ends up happening. i end up winning but not really in the way i want. 

but then i ask myself, can i even be mad, really? can i? i knew that he wasn’t sure about me for a long time, so i believe i’m equally guilty of knowing the cards could have fell like this. but then the lover in me says, i stayed to see if anything would change, but the reality is, you can’t love someone into loving you. and as much as i wanted to put a lot of ... i don’t want to say blame but a lot of the weight on “a man” knowing about you, right, knowing if you’re “the one” or “her”, but i feel like if you’re in a place where you’re even questioning if you think he’s certain about you, or if you’re ballsy enough and wanna fucking ask, hey, how do you really feel about me, do you feel like i could be right, or am i just for right now, and if he straight up tells you, it ain’t you, you’ve got choices, but one of them ISN’T getting mad at the fact ya’ll break up because he finally decided he didn’t want to be with you anymore.

how mad can you get, can you be, really, right? if you willingly participate and spend time and make yourself available for someone who reciprocates time and energy but not affection. they won’t talk about relationships with you in a realistic way. they speak to you as if everything is up in the air and they have no kind of control or role to play in the situation. you can’t be mad at that. you can’t blame someone for finally making up their mind. 

and, speaking of getting mad, you can’t get mad about someone not being sure about spending the rest of their life with you, or even what a future looks like with you, if you yourself can’t even see the future!! make it make sense. the only concrete plan i really have for myself is suicide, and i’m a super high functioning depressive, so that sounds really sad or whatever, but i mean, really, that’s the only thing my mind reverts to whenever i think about the future forreal. even when i’m “happy*”, i don’t ever see me 5 or 10 years from now, like in a better place, happy. 

i wonder if that’s because i’m just a negative, miserable ass person, or if, like i’ve said before, my depression just really does not allow me to see into the future. i don’t even like trying to project months time, because fuck, anything could happen. it seems easier to predict negative timelines or realities than positive ones, because my happiness doesn’t really seem to exceed 2 years. and sick of me to frame the basis of my happiness on when i was in relationships but i know me. but really, i don’t see anything when i think about the future, it’s like just this completely blank slate and anything could happen... it’s like im sure ill be alive i guess somewhere but living where? doing what? with who and i had what? nah. it’s just not, realistic, i can’t plan for something i can’t even imagine. 

but i don’t know why being in relationships make me happy?? i’ve tried to reason it within myself and i’ve got some pretty solid theories: - weird familial dynamic when it came to showing and expressing love to each other has me desperate for a non obligatory love, that actually caters to my love language  - obviously being with someone who makes you feel good and you vibe with and shit literally does shit to your chemically but yeah what the fuck ever -trying to make up for attention i didn’t get when my sister was sick, so i’ve turned to romantic love as an escape, or attach romantic love with feeling happy because i was in a serious relationship with someone when my sister first got sick so having that person to go to made me feel better -unprotected sex -im just a codependent person because i dont have any other friends, hobbies, interests or activities i like to do, so being up under someone and consumed with them gives me something to do -gives me hope?

i think i might really be getting down and into some shit right now... i was going to say to myself well why would being in a relationship give me hope, and i know i was saying that because i often feel worthless and like nobody will love me forreal, but it’s like, why is that the basis of happiness for me? i love love, but love might not really fuck with me forreal because the fact that i even am doing this shit for love, but getting fucked by love, or letting some fuck ass boy tell me i’m worthless like be an end all be all for me... or somebody deciding that they don’t want to be with me or that i’m not the girl they want to spend their life with, why should that bother and break me so bad? 

why does that end up being the bottom line or how shit comes back around? i didn’t really attach the fact that i was with someone that made me feel good when i was going through something that would change my life forever. completely. i think this is it. i rely so heavily on relationships as a source of happiness because when i was at my lowest, my relationship made me feel good. 

it just dawned on me, i’ve never had a relationship that ended on a healthy amicable note, or that wasn’t overly explosive and “passionate”... and i think i blow up because i associate people i love leaving me, with abandoning me to be back alone with my problems i have due to my sister being sick. 

im unpacking these things. that is a completely new concept that i had never thought about or realized before. i knew i was USING relationships to overcompensate.... i remember telling ____ _, i use people/guys im dating as an escape from my reality. when you don’t want to see someone losing their mind, you want to be with anybody that can keep you away from that and make you feel good about yourself. you want to be with and around someone that’s going to make you feel normal. 

that’s another thing i’ve been thinking about lately... my lack of knowledge about various kinds of mental health fucked me too. if i had even an inkling that it was a much grander spectrum than crazy socio psycho i would have been better prepared. i blame tv. i blame schools. nowadays, you see advertisements for all kinds of mental health issues. and good for people now to be exposed, but i feel like i was blindsided by not knowing. i would have spent less time being upset about it because i would have known better.

i feel like i kind of just, one day got tossed into that life, or like literally that’s when my season of the truman show, but featuring me was on. and it was just a terrible fucking time in my life. 

i started taking some drugs to help, i stopped them though, but they did really work. i just wish i didn’t have to remember them or stay on such a routine about it... i didn’t feel anything at all. and that’s how i would love to feel all the time. just neutral. i remember watching a soldier coming home and surprising their mom or something video and wanted to cry even just happy tears and my body wouldn’t do it. i said i would take a pill before tomorrow, when i’m supposed to be meeting up with the guy who i’ve spent the out of the last 16 months? all but 3 collectively (if you added up all the single days out of the last 16 months, it would probably equate to 3 months i did not see this person), and now we don’t talk. i’m crushed but also ^^^ ????? you see what the fuck i’m talking about. i can’t be mad. 

that’s really what i keep saying to myself. literally, everyday i tell myself. “he’s going to talk to, and have sex with, and date, and kiss and talk to other people. he probably is now. he is going to date her for a couple of months, make her his girlfriend, they will get engaged, or have a baby and that is what will happen because we are 30 and that’s what happens when you’re 30. you find someone else and you just move on” no joke. i say that to myself everyday. it really helps too, because when we first stopped talking, i used to get the worst gut wrenching anxiety, to the point i would feel like i was going to throw up. thinking about him with someone else, laying up with someone else, exploring and just doing the little shit with someone else, it stings, but i did get through typing out that off the script part of my mantra about the reality of dating without my stomach turning too much.

my body had been tried to tell me to get out. and i ignored it for so long. i don’t think we would rekindle this relationship. if it was up to him we would never talk about it again, and we would actually probably never talk again. if i see him tomorrow, if he doesn’t flake on me. i know the whole vibe will be different. i know he won’t try to sit next to me or want to talk about it. i’m just going to be coming over as a friend, to smoke and watch black monday.

the real test will be going into his crib and sitting in his presence, it’s been over a month, and my stomach is actually going crazy thinking about that, but again, that’s my ever active imagination. i’ve always had one, even as a kid. thinking up literally the most dramaticized versions of situations that would never ever ever fucking happen, like really like some only in the movies shit and even then it would be a fucking corny ass cringey ass movie. im getting queasy thinking about some shit and how awkward it will be, and he’ll end up texting me to cancel the whole shit before this misery can actually play itself out. lmao.

it hurts to feel replaceable when we were so cool though. and honestly, dating him is a regret i actually have. i regret that, forreal. i would have preferred to just have been friends. because knowing what i know and have been known, that i was i never her, i always knew that wasn’t going to magically change for me, even if i played along and put on the monkey suit. it was always on some “im just tryna see” shit.... it’s like why even mix shit up or get so involved? i knew he didn’t know, he knew he didn’t know, we both knew he didn’t know, and the conversation “youre either gonna accept it, and stay or leave” it’s literally so fucking insulting but when you actually fuck around and accept it and stay, that’s when you’re sick and you fucked up on some real shit. but when you’re thinking to yourself “if i leave, this nigga won’t care” and like you KNOW, leaving would only prove yourself right... you really just feel stupid. 

but that’s really my thing though. at the end of the day, i was really fed up, ready to get the fuck on and be over it. i was mad and upset and talking crazy and real slick, but after a few weeks i would have reached back out to him like i dont want beef, and i legitimately don’t think i would be here now dwelling on shit. it’s like i was already out the door right, like, i had all my shit, my coat, keys, phone, wallet, mask, feelings, everything. i had never been so ready to be out in mY LIFEEEE... and then it’s like you went and did the one thing i put emphasis on meaning something to me and like at an attempt to grasp straws or like not lose the fight, you did that, and then turned around and flipped on me and now treat me like i said fuck your mother, eat shit, i hope you die.... i’m just confused. that’s why im torn like am i really not shit... or do the people i meet and glorify really just be terrible people? i kind of think just off the fact that he did that, i shouldn’t talk to him ever again. to practically beg me to not stop talking to you, it like literally feels like you only did that shit so that YOU could be the one breaking things off. and that’s beyond petty to me. it’s super vindictive, and like we say shit is mean, and people are mean, but like in the context of things, doing something especially specific to someone that to them means you care, and then renege on that, you might as well had just spit in my face forreal. 

i have a feeling stronger now, that we won’t link up tomorrow. 

link. lol. at 3:50 IN THE MORNING he texted me asking me about this stick figure dancing really silly that i sent it to him talking about thats how i dance in his kitchen, and it’s hard to think he wasn’t up after having just fucked someone and probably saw something similar to that and was dying laughing thinking about the one i sent... so when i sent it to him, he asked for a link to it, probably because the screenshot of the video i sent had me laughing in it or something, and he couldn’t show that to the new girl bc “he texted a “friend” (non gender specific) and they had the video and wanted to see if they still had it” 

but a goofy i am that i thought he mayyyy have meant link with me, with all that extra emphasis, and of course, when i replied in extra innocent confusion, i don’t have the link only a screen recording.. he said oh. lol. 

when we decided to stop talking in general it was goofy. i email him saying i miss you, he unblocks my number and texts me somewhere between i miss you too and im pissed off still and so we talk and he’s like oh i spent this last week hating you for no reason and yadda yadda and then that segways into me talking about us being done, and he goes “why are you so finite about everything, i need to time to just sit and think” just to still turn around in the same day and be like yeah naw we don’t talk now. everything is a mixed message, but i’m just gonna chalk it i wouldn’t dare even try to bring the shit up unless he tried to. but that was it. like okay we don’t talk no more. and again we didn’t have screaming matches or block each others number again after that or any other petty fights. so for us to go from seeing each other to every day to it’s been over a month, and texting someone who would text you back within 3 minutes, not even respond to you for hours or even the same day.... the shit is all just weird. it really makes me even second guess being around him because it’s like, i know i still care, but that’s just me hurting myself to care. at this point, he’s accepted that it’s over and done with and his life will go on and he’ll date new people and hang out with new girls and get to know them and like completely throw me away like the fact that it doesn’t even feel like this person is even a friend now is completely beyond me. maybe im just that fucking far removed from dating and breaking up so me expecting someone to still want to talk to me is asinine and insane but what the fuck ever. 

honestly, i’m a better writer or more expressive when i’m depressed. in a manic depressive episode, i thought for a second, if i start documenting what i write when i’m sad, and i get a really good series of short sad stories or these bouts of where i just want to say some shit like this whole post, then when i kill myself someone will find them and ill be like a fucking world renown emo writer like poe, saying beautiful miserable shit that people relate to and relate to it so much more because the pain of what i go through is seared into them, so they get it. 

pain.... i thought earlier about pain and suicide..... and how people who are suicidal and are looking for a way out but would like it to be as painless as possible are people who already deal with too much pain they know they can’t take anymore because they want to leave, but they literally also can’t take anymore because it’s like, give me a fucking break. then you have the suicidal people who do shit like suicide by cop or slit their wrists or set themselves on fire and shit, and i think, people like that feel so much pain, maybe they’re incapable of even registering the out as painful... maybe having to feel that is nothing compared to how they feel all the time... 

[harringtoxic]

🎶 thing !!

I was tagged by @pretendimstraight , thank you so much I love being a part of this random and DOING THINGS in it wow

Rules: Put your music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs.

1: Sirens - Fleurie

sort of sad?? I really like it though it calms me down and I recommend it to anyone who wanna be edgy but also SAD

2: SUBURBIA - Troye Sivan

very catchy and i just love his voice and he's lgbt and pretty and nice and just 👌

3: Ghosts - Ladytron

not gonna lie, found this song from playing LittleBigPlanet 2 (its in the death by shocolate level lol) because im apparently 7 and i just fucking love it for some reason. recommend the artist but idek if they're alive

4: Young Hearts - (Bunt Remix) [feat. Begginers]

this was on a spotify ad telling me to buy premium and the song was just so catchy and it makes me feel like dodododod yeaah so that's nice (my library is filled with like 1 song from every band/artist ever it just makes no sense but i love it)

5: Paris in the Rain - Lauv

ALL I KNOW IS

doo

doO

doOoOo00oOooó

but yeah i like this song but prefer I Like Me Better by the same artist so check that out it is GOOD i enjoy the violin noises !

6: Sweet Dreams - BØRNS

this song is probably gonna be favourite out of all of these, i like the part where he goes 'you didnt even call to wish me SWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTT DREEEEEEAAAMMMMMSSSSSSS' its very good you should listen to it before bed and maybe you will have sweet dreams who knows

7: What's Up? - Edit - 4 Non Blondes

honestly a BOP™ but i only added it because it was in Sens8 (a VERY gay and wonderful Tv show that you should watch if you like gay magic edgy people who just want a good life but are bombarded with disturbances like lobotomies and such) (its on netflix)

8: On + Off - Maggie Rogers

i don't know this appeared in my library but i 💖 her voice and this song and its so good AHHH just listen to it and you will get it (or not your choice innit)

9: Leave A Trace - CHVRCHES

another mystery lady with a good voice, this song i just stumbled upon and really liked so here it is (and I really like the cover art). tbh not much to say other than its calming and makes me think of PLANTS

10: Strange - LP

this one's kinda old for me but I really love LP she's italian she's doing WELL and her voice just go BRBRVRVRVVRRBBRBRVR and its like wow Gucci vocals man

((((((wait how do I turn off this oh well anyway I can't describe emotions properly so this post is a mistake BUT ??))))))

tagging: @flippyspoon @pretty-boy-like-you @steveharringtonofficial @heckin-harrington @colourmehargrove

so sorry if you've already been tagged im bad at this !!

[rainingincale]

favorite shows?

ok so i have a looooooooooot so buckle up

The Mentalist- so imagine brooklyn 99 except like more serious + murder. its sososo good and like honestly because of it i like overanalyse everybody lmao

Brooklyn 99- THE FUNNIEST SHOW. its so freaking good the cast is amazing and its so nice to watch. i always watch it when i need a pick me up

V O L T R O N - ok so i only just recently watched this but it’s like my fav. i love the animation style and story. its basically just power rangers in space its so awesome i definitely recommend

the get down.- ok so im STILL FUCKING MAD BOUT THIS ONE. it was suchan amazning show about hip hops origin and the 80′s and shit and the fucken soundtrack is the greatest thing to ever grace this planet but it got. freakng. cancelled. and i’m never gonna forgive netflix. ever

Young Justice!- listen i was so upset over this show for the longest time because it got cancelled after 2 seasons and had a really cliffhangery ending but now theyre BRINGIN IT BACK. SEASON 3 IS A GO AND LIFE IS GR8 (still mad about the get down, i will never forget)

Jane The Virgin- this show. is so funny. and dramatic. and its just aa. i cant even describe it i love it

Avatar the last airbender and Legend of Korra- listen i… these shows are my heart and soul. theyre so good. and cool. and just amazing. i cry.

Skam- this is a Norwegian tv show that took over my life. the last season… was a dissapointment but like i do love this show a lot it’ll always be special to me. also gave me so many good song recs like norwegian music is awesome seriously

Shadowhunters- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT OK I LOVE SHADOWHUNTERS I SAY NO MORE

listen… there’s so many more… but like my mind is overwhelmed so i cannae remember them rn rip. i know ill post this then remember right away some more but that just my life innit. i reccomend all of these ok!! pls watch!! so good!! anything i watch i reblog about so like ya all t love h 

*send me anons about whatever t heck you want!*

[hardyimagines]

Part 3 — The Baker

Part 1      Part 2     Part 4    Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8     Part 9

Could I request an Alfie Solomons x reader where she has no idea who he is and thinks he’s just a baker so he bakes things for her and is sweet but he keeps trying to hide his identity bc he really likes her and eventually she finds out who he is? You decide whether you want the ending to be angst or fluff! And please make this one a bit lengthy :) thanks love 💗 Requested by: @centerhabit​

Word count: 5.1k

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The sunlight shone down on your body which was slung over Alfie’s chest. His torso rose and fell slowly, heart beating at a steady pace against your ear. You began to squirm lightly when the blinding rays of light shone through the window and hit you in the face. Fidgeting continuously on top of the bear beneath you until your face was pushed into the nape of his neck, you sighed, the ability to sleep now gone. You lifted your head up and tiredly rubbed your eyes. When you realized just where you were, your cheeks tinted a dark shade of pink and you moved to kneel up and get off of Alfie, but a hand halted you. “Where the fuck are you going, pet?” His voice was heavy with sleep, a low drawl that sent an eruption of goosebumps along the back of your neck. His hand was gentle, but firm, resting on your lower back so that he could pull your little body back down flat on top of his. 

“I didn’t want to suffocate you.” You whispered quietly, returning to your previous position. You buried your face in the center of his chest and smiled sleepily as the little curls that decorated his breasts tickled your features. “And I sort’ve needed to use the bathroom.” You whispered, moving your nails slowly along his arm. In the light, you could now see him fully as he let you sit up. Your knees sunk into the white sheets beside his hip as you straightened, taking in the beauty before you. Scattered along his muscular arms were permanent inkings. You absentmindedly brushed your thumb along the tattoos, eyes showing just how intrigued you were by the sight. You let your twinkling orbs move to his belly before gliding up to his ribs and then along his upper chest. Scoffing quietly because of course, he would be this attractive. You swallowed quietly when the man opened his eyes to peer up at you, curious as to why you hadn’t slid off of the bed yet. His hand was still loosely residing on your lower back before it slid around your waist to rest on your hip. “You alright, dove?” His husky voice met your ears again. The suddenness of him speaking snapped you out of your thoughts and your eyes lifted to his. “What?” Heat crawled up the back of your neck as he caught you staring him down and the concerned look on his face morphed into a smug, very knowing look. “Do you always sleep naked?” You asked him quietly, unable to bite back the question. A hearty chuckle escaped his throat and the muscles in his chest rippled as he moved. “I’m hardly fucking naked, Y/N. I’ve got on some boxers, right, so I’m still clothed.” He looked to your attire now. The question had drawn up his own curiosity. What did you usually sleep in? He examined you more thoroughly now.

The shirt that you wore was resting on your trimmed waist. The skin of your thighs looked creamy and soft beneath the glow of the sun as his azure blue eyes roamed your frame. Sitting up slowly with a grunt, his eyebrows lifted as he realized a few of the clasps on his long sleeve shirt had come undone while you slept. The beige colored shirt was opened slightly between buttons, giving him a nice view of the rounded edges of your breasts. He looked away hurriedly, brows drawn together. “Your shirt, pet.” He ushered to the fastenings. Following the direction of his finger, your cheeks turned scarlet for the hundredth time. “Oh, I’m sorry.” Scrambling up from the bed, you turned away from him to fix the issue at hand- though Alfie wasn’t bothered in the slightest. He watched intently as your hair fell over your shoulders, curled lightly from sleep. “Sorry? What fucking for.” His shirt fell from your hips and pooled down to your upper thighs as you stood. Glancing over your shoulder at the man, you caught sight of his back now. He had his legs swung over the edge of the bed and the muscles in his back flexed as he stretched. “For nearly flashing you.” You offered, unsure what to really say. The bashful smile that pulled at your lips made him chortle in amusement. He stood from the mattress now and lifted a pair of trousers from the drawer next to his bed. Stepping into the legs, he pulled the fabric up to his hips and buttoned the clasp. You watched him curiously before you moved toward him. Laying your small hand on the curve of his rib, you leaned up on your toes and pressed your lips against his. Your mouth’s lingered, moving against each other’s in a slow pace. You let your nails trace from his ribs, up his chest and around to the back of his neck. When the kiss came to its natural end, you ran your tongue over your lips, savoring the taste of him and the tickle of his beard. Stepping back slightly with a smirk, he hooked his arm around your hips and tugged your little body back into his. “You’re the biggest tease I’ve ever met.” He told you firmly, eyes roaming your delicate features.

Creating distance, you ducked out of his arm with a small smirk. If he wanted a tease, you could be a tease. “Alfie, what am I meant to wear to the bakery? I cant wear my red dress, it’s far too fancy.” You asked innocently, moving your nimble fingers to the clasps on the shirt of his that you still wore. Undoing them one by one until the fabric fell open and the sides of your breasts were visible, you lifted a brow at him. Alfie stood a few feet away from you, mouth falling open at your bold actions. He let his eyes fall to your flat stomach, gliding up to your ribs and then settling on the round bosom. The cream-colored shirt hid your rosy nipples from his gaze, but it didn’t take much for him to imagine them. “You could just fucking wear that.” He muttered, voice hoarse and laced with want. You smiled slowly at his words before twisting the end of the shirt around your finger and biting your lip. “This is for your eyes only, Mr. Solomons. What will the other ‘bakers’ think, seeing me stroll around your precious distillery clad only in one of your pullovers?”

Alfie rubbed his beard in thought before freezing at your words. “Don’t give a fuck what the other men think, pet, but you’re right. Can’t have them ogling you, right, that’s for me to do.” He moved toward your much smaller form and placed his wide fingers on the ends of the shirt, accidentally brushing your thigh with his rings. He could see the little bumps that scattered across your breasts and belly and he bit back the urge to play with you further. “Right.” He whispered. “We’ll tie this up, yeah, and then it’ll look like a little blouse.” He curled the ends of the shirt before twisting them. Tying the ends together around your lower stomach, you stared down at his fingers as they moved up to re-button the cloth. A gold ring circled his pointer finger and you smiled slowly as the cold metal brushed over your chest. You could tell it was unintentional as his face twisted into an apologetic look. “Sorry, pet, im not meaning to-“ you cut him off this time. “Don’t apologize, Alfie. I’m not complaining.” You whispered, moving your small hand to his waistband. Wrapping your finger securely in the belt loop on his slacks, you tugged him closer before studying the other rings on his hands. Your eyes caught sight of the crown tattoo on his hand, a few spaces down from his thumb. You averted your eyes, wondering silently why your breaths were so deep and if it was the close proximity of Alfie that was causing you to flush or the fact that you were becoming hot and heavy because of his hands. 

He hadn’t seemed to notice. As soon as the shirt was tied up and resembled a blouse, he moved over to grab a pair of his boxers. “This is all I’ve got that’ll fit your little waist.” He told you quietly. You took the fabric from him slowly and analyzed it. The boxers were black and would match just fine with the ‘blouse’ you wore. Though it wasn’t appropriate attire for a lady to wear, you didn’t really care. You were going to be with Alfie the second that you left the privacy of his home, so you knew if anybody said anything or stared for too long, he’d bark at them to stop. Stepping into the clothing, you dragged the briefs up to your hips and giggled quietly. He watched intently as you rolled them up your milky thighs. The contrast between the black undergarment and your beautiful skin made him clear his throat. Taking a belt from one of the drawers, he wrapped it around your hips to hold the briefs in place, but since the tightest loophole still wasn’t tight enough to do any good, he took a nail from the drawer by his bed and created his own hole. Fastening the belt closed, he eyed you. “I think you look rather attractive.” He pointed out. 

You rolled your eyes as you moved to the mirror. The space between his boxers and tied shirt revealed a thin line of your tummy. “That’s because these are your clothes on my body.” You shook your head at him before slowly spinning around to face him. “And I didn’t even get to pee!” Alfie let out a roar of a laugh before he closed the space between the two of you again. Undoing the belt, he patted your thigh. “Go on, pet. I’ll put this back on you once you’ve finished up.” 

When you moved downstairs, Alfie was hunched over the dog bowl in the corner, filling it for Cyril. “That’s a good boy, yeah. It’s good food, innit. Smells like shit, but you gobble it down, so it can’t be too bad, right?” You leaned against the doorway, biting on your lip as you watched him interact with the mutt. “Alfie, I'm not too sure he knows the difference between human food and dog food.” You pointed out. Catching the attention of the gangster, he straightened and turned to face you. “Pet, he’s not stupid. He can smell my bacon versus his chicken— lard. I’m not even sure what to fucking call his food.” You moved further into the kitchen, head shaking slowly with a smile. The sound of Cyril chomping on his food filled the room as Alfie hooked the belt back around your hips. Taking the time to inspect his clothing now that you were so close to him, your eyes raked down his form and then back up. The white shirt he wore looked more like a milky coffee color. The fabric was rolled up to his elbows, securely stuck in place. A black, pinstriped vest hung from his shoulders, hugging his back and the front of his chest. Around his wrist, a bracelet was settled and only when you were finished staring at that, did you realize he had his shirt tucked in to his trousers. His black pants were loose, but tight enough that if he bent over, you could see the outline of his ass. He reached around your body and pinched his apron. Dragging it around his hips, he tied it in the back. A round stopwatch hung from his hip on one side and on the other, some beads bounced against his thigh as he moved. “Alfie?” You spoke softly, leaning against the kitchen table. He let out a quiet grunt in response before pouring himself a mug of coffee and then another for you. “Do you always put your apron on before heading out?” Biting on your tongue as he fixed you with a confused look, he squinted. You wondered about the strangest things. “I do, pet, yeah. I live so fucking close to the shop, right, right around the corner, innit? So I just make sure I’m ready before heading out.” Your brows furrowed slightly. The two of you were close to the bakery if you drove, but if you were to walk, it would take a lot longer.

Alfie handed you the steaming cup of coffee before easily drinking the burning liquid down. He rubbed down his mustache and beard, ensuring that any droplets of the drink were vacant from his face. You watched the muscles in his forearm flex before his arms returned to sway at his side as he moved around. Sipping the coffee in your hand, your eyes were unmoving from him as he pulled on his hat. “Ready to go then, love?” He asked, gripping his cane and then his coat. He pulled the weighted wool on to his shoulders before approaching you. You finished your cup of coffee before nodding in response to him. Suddenly quiet as your nerves bubbled to the surface, you wrapped your arm around his hips and puckered your lips, waiting for him to kiss you. He dipped his head down, clutching the top of his hat so that it didn’t fall. Pressing his lips to yours sweetly, he straightened. “I take it you’re rather fucking fond of my kisses then, yeah?” He chuckled before leading you outside and to the only means of transportation he had. “Oh, Alfie. I am very fond of your kisses.” You whispered before climbing into the vehicle. 

The gravel beneath the carriage crunched audibly as you came to a stop. Alfie helped you out of the carriage before laying his hand on your lower back and leading you toward the backdoors of the bakery. “Right, pet, fair warning right now. Sometimes, I have a bit of a fucking temper, yeah. When the men piss me off because they’ve fucking fucked up. Yeah, and if any of them look at you the wrong way, that’s gonna tick me off too, innit.” He looked down at you to read your expression, but you leaned up and kissed him to silence him. “It’s alright, Alfie, I'm not worried about who you are at work. I just care about how you are with me.” He moved his hand to the back of your head and hunched over to kiss your temple. “Right then, come on.”

You were surprised at the strength that Alfie possessed. He pulled the heavy door open so easily, making you cross your arms. The damn thing had nearly crushed you when you lugged it open and he made it look like it was a damn piece of cake. Following him into the dimly lit building, you took hold of his hand and he didn’t shake you off. “This-“ He ushered to the men at their stations. “Is where we make the bread.” He looked down at you. From the stench in the room, you assumed that meant the rum. It didn’t bother you, it was just a bit overwhelming at first. Men in every inch of the room stared at you and then your attire before muttering under their breath. You couldn’t hear what was being said, but you didn’t let it bother you. One of the older men in the front ceased his movements, eyes latching on to your small form before they flickered to Alfie. “That your daughter?” The man asked. His accent was so think, you had to strain your ears to see if you’d heard him right. “Pardon?” You question instantly. Did Alfie have a—

Alfie growled softly. “Are you fucking blind, mate? This here’s, Y/N. She’s my..” He halted, unsure of what to call you. You stepped in for him though, smiling politely. “I look younger than I actually am. I’m seeing Alfie.” You nodded once and Alfie seemed to straighten, shoulders broadening as a triumphant smile plastered itself on his lips. “Romantically, mate, yeah, she’s seeing me romantically.” Alfie clarified though it wasn’t necessary. You shook your head at him with a lazy grin before kissing his arm and waiting for him to show you the rest of the place.

Ollie came bounding down the steps. “Mr. Solomons.” He had his face buried in a folder. “You’re late. You’ve got an appointment in 15 minutes with—“ He looked up from the words on the calendar and blinked once. Eyeing you with a frown, he shut the file in his hands. “What the hell are you doing here? Come to do some more peeping, girl?” Alfie defensively squinted at the boy. “Easy, Ollie. She’s got a name and a reason to be here.” Ollie looked to your adjoined hands and gave a dramatic eye-roll. “My god, Alfie, you just met the fucking lass the..” His words faltered. Maybe it was wise to just shut his mouth. “I mean, it’s nice to see you again, girl.” You straightened as Alfie had moments ago. “My name’s Y/N.” You pointed out to him, but he was already striding off, no care in the world for who you were. You were doing his boss, that’s all he told himself. You weren’t important until you had a ring on your finger.

It was unusual for Alfie to bring a woman to the office. Ollie had always assumed that the man was private and kept his women at home, but now that he thought about it, Alfie was always all by himself when the boy would drop by. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he turned back toward the larger man. “Darby Sabini will be here in a few minutes to discuss some business with you.” You looked up at the man in confusion as to who ‘Darby Sabini’ was, But Alfie’s face said it all. He wanted you to go. “Uh, pet, why don’t you go wait in my office, yeah. Ollie, you’ll bring her up there.” Ollie frowned deeply. “Alfie, I’ve got—“ He groaned at the threatening look he received. “You’ll fucking bring her up there and fucking stay right by her, mate. Keep an eye on her.”

Ollie moved forward to grab your elbow but you shrugged him off. “I’m not a rag doll to be dragged around.” You turned toward Alfie. “Nor am I someone to be bossed about.” The man fixed you with a worried look. “Pet, I’m just trying to keep you safe, right, these men are fucking dangerous.” You cocked a brow at that. “They’re just like you, Alfie. You’re dangerous, but you’d never hurt me.” You whispered. “Pet. It’s not like that, right, please, just go with Ollie. I don’t have time to explain-“ His boots thudded against the hard floor as he urged you to go. “Pet, fucking go.” He growled, warning shining in his gaze. “Or what?” You hissed, eyes darting between his, daring him to threaten you. He backed off. “Y/N, I love you, I—“ You froze on the spot. “Excuse me?” Ollie slapped his hand to his face, trying to shield himself from the second hand embarrassment that he felt. “Oh, god, Alfie, can’t you profess your undying love to this stranger when I’m not around?” The boy practically shouted.

Alfie snapped his fingers at Ollie before looking down at you. “Right, I don’t know if it’s love, but it sure feels like it. I’ve never fucking felt like this toward anyone and I’d do anything in the world to keep you safe, yeah? I need you to fucking go with Ollie right now.” You opened your mouth to reply, but were instantly silenced by the guards marching toward Alfie. “Sabini.” One of them stated, moving to the side to reveal the Italian. You lifted your gaze to the older gentleman, studying his face. He had a mustache that covered his entire upper lip and was definitely older. Alfie gripped your small hand and pulled you behind him, out of the menacing stare that Sabini was directing toward you. “I’m gonna have to punch your fucking teeth in, mate, if you don’t stop staring at her like that.” Sabini tore his eyes away from you and instead stared at the Jewish man in front of him. “Who is she?” The Italian grunted, pulling the gloves off of his hands so he could shove them into his pocket. “And why’s she got on man’s cloth-?”

Alfie straightened. “Right, you came to talk business, I presume, not about the lass. Lets not ask no more fucking questions about her or you’re gonna rile me up, Sabini. All right, that’s it, yeah. Forgive me, I interrupted. Lets go to my office.” He used the end of his cane to usher Sabini toward the stairs before he spun around to face you. “I won’t be long, pet.” He whispered before moving away and heading toward his office. You moved to go after him, but Ollie grabbed you a bit too roughly. He hadn’t mean to squeeze your throat, he’d blindly reached for your arm and instantly regretted it when the cry that escaped your lips filled the distillery. Alfie spun around, anger evident on his face. His nostrils were flared and his skin was tinted red. “What the hell are you doing, mate!” Alfie shouted, storming back toward the pair of you. Ollie still had his fingers on the back of your throat and when he had pulled his hand away roughly and apologetically, you moved your fingers to the sore bruises that already coated your skin.

Alfie pulled you against him instantly, inspecting your features before he pushed your hair out of the way and looked at the marks, which were now irritated. You opened your mouth, but Alfie let out a gruff sound. “Don’t you dare fucking apologize.” He whispered and you bit your lip. He recognized the guilt in your orbs, though it shouldn’t have been there. “We’ll speak about this when I’m done.” Alfie spoke calmly to Ollie, trying not to cause a scene. But when he looked back down at you, he shut his eyes. God, was he this weak? “Come on, then. You’ll fucking stay with me.” Ollie, shaking in his boots, turned sharply on his heel and vanished elsewhere in the distillery. You followed Alfie up the stairs and into his office. He ushered for you to sit at his desk before he stood on the opposite side, directly in front of you. He shielded Sabini’s capability of seeing any part of you. “Right, spit it out. What’d you fucking come here for?” You busied yourself with a pen on Alfie’s desk, lazily messing with the end of it. You were as silent as possible, trying not to interrupt the meeting that was taking place. “So she’s yours then?” Sabini pointed in your direction. “The lass.”

Alfie rolled his eyes. “Sabini, look, mate, we don’t have these meetings to discuss the women in our lives, do we? It’s purely for fucking business, innit. So tell me what the fuck it is you came to tell me and then fuck off. She is off limits to look at, to speak of, to breathe near, to even fucking think about. Right, so, what— besides Y/N, would you like to fucking speak about?” You watched as Alfie removed his hat before tossing it in the corner where he smoothly landed on the hooks that were nailed into the wall. He ruffled his messy hair before licking his lips.

Sabini was silent, hands clasping together in his lap. “I think, Mr. Solomons, you shouldn’t be so possessive with her. Let’s discuss the girl and then we can talk about business. She is quite the distraction.” He whispered before running his tongue over his lips and standing. He peered over Alfie’s shoulder since the gangster was leaning against the edge of the desk, but when Solomons straightened, Sabini’s view was gone. “Fine, you want to know about the girl. I’ll tell you about her. She is off fucking limits to you and every other boy, man, scum, arsehole, and every other godforsaken person on this planet.” Stepping to the side, he turned and pointed to you. “That there is my girl, right. Repeat after me, that’s ‘Alfie Fucking Solomons’ girl’. Yeah? Got it?” Turning on his heel, he moved around the desk. Swiveling the chair around so your back was to Sabini, he squinted before looking down at you. His eyes latched on to yours and he leaned forward slightly.

Sabini straightened. “She got a name?” The man asked before removing his hat and approaching the desk. Alfie grunted, tearing his eyes away from you so he could look at the Italian. “Matter of fact, she fucking does, but that doesn’t matter does it, because you’re not gonna fucking speak to her.” Alfie pushed his hair back before grunting. “That’s all you need to know, innit. She’s off the fucking menu, right, so—“ Sabini licked his lips and cut Alfie off. “Is she a whore? No girl in their right mind would date a gang leader, not unless she’s looking for a death sentence.” You sprung up from your seat at that. Turning to face the man, you clenched your fists and glared at him. “You’re a nosy prick, you know that?”

Sabini tilted his head, brows arched at your forwardness. “And I take back what I said about you being a whore. Surely you wouldn’t get any customers dressed like that.” He ushered to your attire. “Well, maybe Alfie, but he’s liable to fuck anything that moves, ain’t he?” Alfie moved closer to you. He wasn’t sure what kind or how much rage you possessed, but he didn’t want you thinking you could fuck with an Italian like Sabini. “Pet.” He whispered softly. “Just let it go.” Alfie would handle this in his own way. “Deal’s off Sabini. No more truces or deals, no negotiations. No more business meetings of any sort. Turn your happy little Italian ass around and get out of my shop, yeah?”

Sabini cocked a brow. “What the hell for–“ Alfie growled. “For being a cunt, mate. You come in here and disrespect the lass and then disrespect me? Fuck off.” He pointed to the door. You pushed past Alfie, slowly approaching Sabini. “Does it make you feel good to talk down on people? You’re labeling me and you don’t even know me. Just think..” you whispered, stepping even closer to him. “If you would’ve kept your mouth shut, maybe I would’ve left Alfie for you?” Sabini was stuck. His breaths had deepened and his hand hovered above your hip. Alfie was about to break his fingers from clenching his fists so hard at the scene. “Y/N-“ he ground out through gritted teeth, unsure what the hell you were playing at. Sabini briefly looked to Alfie. “So, a whore it is.” He purred quietly, moving his lips closer to your neck. “Tell me, whore-“ You, fed up with the dreadful Italian, pulled your leg back before ramming it harshly into his groin.

Alfie doubled back. He moved his fist to his mouth and bit his knuckle, unsure if he had imagined the sickening crunch of the man’s nuts or if that had really happened. “Fucking hell!” Alfie shouted, free hand moving to his hair. “Fucking hell, Y/N!” He drawled out, voice laced with nothing but pure shock, astonishment, and pride. Sabini hunched over and fell to the floor, hands clasped together over his crotch as he groaned out. There weren’t words to express the excruciating pain. You didn’t look back. Stepping over the heap of a man, you left the office in an angry stroll. Your cheeks were burning red from your anger and as you stomped down the corridor, every man turned his head to watch you and then looked to their boss, hot on your heels. Alfie’s expression was smug though, opposed to your angry one.

You had no idea where the hell you were going, but you turned the corner and shoved open the nearest door. It was empty. Breathing a heavy sigh of relief, you moved into the room and Alfie followed you. “Pet-“ He reached out. You spun around, eyes fiery and bright. “What the hell was his problem, Alfie? Why was he saying those things- he didn’t even know me!” You briefly looked around the room that you had led the pair of you too and realized that this was where they kept the uncooked bread. Looking at the wrapped loaves, your brows drew together, only drawing your attention back to Alfie when he spoke. “I fucking told you, didn’t I? I didn’t want you in the room when I fucking spoke to him, yeah?” You stared up at him and huffed. “I didn’t know that he would be like that.” You whispered in defense.

Alfie folded his arms before approaching you. “Are you upset with me?” You asked him quietly. “Because I ruined the meeting? If I wouldn’t have been in there, things would’ve gone differently.” Alfie’s brows furrowed, scoffing at your question. “Upset with you?” He whispered, head shaking slowly. “Y/N, I'm fucking proud of you.. and a bit turned on if I’m honest.” He dropped his arms to his sides before he wrapped them around your waist and hoisted you up and on to his strong hips. Though he did have a bad leg, it wasn’t hurting right now, so he wasn’t bothered in the slightest. “Maybe I didn’t know if I meant it earlier, but I sure as shit mean it now.” You gazed at the man in confusion, stroking his beard lazily with your fingertips. “What?” You asked in confusion, distracted by his handsome features. “I love you. I do. Yeah, it’s a bit fucking soon, innit, but I’m bound to fall for you sooner or later and I’d rather just fucking tell you now, rather than have you wondering every day if—“ You closed the space between the two of you. Tugging gently on his facial hair, your lips pressed firmly to his own.

Yes. It was very soon. You had a lot to learn about the man and you weren’t sure if this relationship would last. You hoped that it would. Nobody in your life had made you feel the things that Alfie did. You’d never been in love either, but you knew you’d do anything for the baker that currently held you. Your nose skimmed over his own when the kiss came to its natural end. “I love you too, Alfie.” You whispered. Even if the two of you merely said the words because they felt right, you knew it wouldn’t take long before those words held an extreme meaning. 

Tagged: @thatsamegirl @peakyhoegh @ihclipse @callisen @hardygal69 @captstefanbrandt @centerhabit @lucacangettathisass @imthesnowinthedark  @fangirlfreakingout

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Hello! Feel free to let me know what you thought of this chapter!! I will be updating very soon!

[noonmutter]

Etiquette

(Another round of modified chatlogs. Terry and Dwyn regularly compete with Leon and Pin for cuteness points, but only when they’re alone. This takes place just after the last Dragoon meeting, which I missed for purely OOC reasons because I’m a dumb.)

The directions Shedwyn leaves for Terry guide him to the far side of the lake from the Cathedral. It's a bit of a hike or a short boat ride, one that she apparently made on her own, because by the time he arrives she is sitting on a blanket with a picnic basket. As he approaches, she pulls out a bottle of liquor and a pair of glasses. She pours just one glass, for now. It's not exactly a public place, but seeing her out of bed with all her illusion spells off is unusual. Showing off all those scars, tattoos, and her "weird" eyes isn't her style. Of course, the gold "dress" isn't really her style, either. It's far too exposed.

The hike itself isn't too difficult for him, not after running about in the rocky mess of the Shore. Really, his reflexive checking for fel pools slows him down more than anything else. Once he sees her, but doesn't see the chair, he's immediately impressed. The booze gets a bit of a smile, and the...visibility of her more of one, after a moment's surprise. When he's only a few feet away, he pries off the heavier bits of his armor and drops them carelessly to the grass, and closes the remaining distance barefoot. "Y'look good, babygirl."

"I always do," she smirks, and offers the glass up to him. "I feel good. It felt like the thing to wear."

He settles onto the blanket beside her and leans over to kiss her cheek, only then taking the glass. "Did y'actually walk up 'ere?"

She laughs. "Not all the way, no."

"Tch. 'Ere I was about t'be impressed." He takes a drink with a quiet sigh of satisfaction.

She looks him up and down, and leans over to plant a little peck on his shoulder while he drinks. "You look like hell. But I'm so happy to see you, hon."

He really does, at least compared to his standard. Most people probably wouldn't think the softness to his features was anything significant, but she sees him too often for that. "Nah. 'Ell's a dif'rent shade o' green. But I missed you too."

Chuckling, she pours herself a finger of whiskey. She leans away a bit to watch him while she savors her drink.

He's really enjoying that drink, if only because the only booze one is going to find on the shore is cheap stuff soldiers sneak in. He's worn, in that have-slept-but-not-enough way, but healthy otherwise, and content for the moment. If she doesn't interrupt him, he'll finish his glass without saying stopping. Not chugging, just...savoring it.

She's content to enjoy the whiskey and the view with him in silence for a few minutes. Once he's done, she silently offers to refill his glass.

With another small smile, he nods and holds it out. While she's pouring, he takes his turn to watch her, not skipping an opportunity to see what she normally hid even from him.

She's a little sad, a little nervous. As she pours, she says, "I have a question, but first I should tell you something."

Well, he isn't sad, but he's certainly nervous, now. "All right?"

"I could hide it from you indefinitely with little effort, and I considered doing so. It seems to me it will only hurt you... But if I want this to last, I should tell you. It certainly won't if you find out on your own." She frowns a little and brushes the back of her fingers down the side of his arm. "Do you remember when I said there were others, but nothing serious, when we recognized that you and I are... well, perhaps not 'serious,' but significant?"

From nervous to scared in record time, congratulations Dwyn! "...yeah?" He doesn't move, but there’s enough tension in his face to momentarily erase the apparent weariness he's been fighting off.

She curses under her breath and looks away, putting the cool glass to her forehead. "I'm so bad at this." She looks back up at him. "The others were irrelevant, no one you're ever likely to meet, but one of them was your brother."

His brain runs in slow motion while he's parsing what he's been told and making sure it doesn't involve him having done something wrong. Then he goes over it again, looking for something she did wrong, and alarm klaxons go off right at the end. His eyes don't widen, they don't narrow. He doesn't outwardly do anything except stop blinking.

She swallows hard on the knot that had been trying to form this entire time. "It ended up being just the once, but still." And there she goes, looking away in shame. Both from sleeping with his brother and trying to justify it so lamely.

"...You're not still, are you?" He makes wholly unhelpful motions with his hands. "I know Leon does that... swingin'...thin'..."

"No." Offense catches up to and surpasses shame. "No! I-! No. I cut him off. Hell, until the other day when I had this same conversation with him, I hadn't seen him in weeks, not since the day I cut him off."

The stiffness in his shoulders is only really noticeable because it suddenly goes away, and he finally starts blinking again as he leans back. "I mean... I 'aven't been with Rhiswyn in ages. A while b'fore Alynore'd ever said anythin' t'you. I ended it with 'er, too."

Shedwyn shrugs and shakes her head. "I didn't think you had, really." She makes a face and sips her drink quickly. "That will certainly be a nightmare for a while, but no, I never really thought you might still be seeing her. And I told you, I'm yours. Only yours. I'm not going to touch anyone else unless you and I - us - changes."

"Babygirl, I'm not Leon... I don't really care tha' much 'o fucks 'im. I mean... I know it's kind'f a, a sore spot for 'im, but... this ain't th' same."

Shedwyn nods, ands looks away, thinking. "It really isn't."

"There was this girl, Lilith, 'o'd wander int' town back in th' day. Most'f th' lads figured she was a bored 'ore 'o came 'round whenever th' local law got too pushy. She'd entertain 'erself--and us--fer a few weeks, then shove off again back t'wherever she came from. Y'know.

"I pointed 'er Leon's way one time. 'E was a quiet li'l dork an' 'e was never gonna get anywhere if 'e was th'only one 'o 'ad any say innit, so I thought I was doin'im a favor, y'know? Get 'im 'is first. Mighta been 'is last, but at least 'e'd 'ave a first…"

Shedwyn scrubs at her face. "Yes, I know what happened there. It's one of many reasons I was afraid to tell him. Interesting to hear your side of it, though."

Terry looks down at his empty glass. "Yeah, well. Iunno what 'e was expectin' back then. Either way, tha's not me. Pers'nally I'd rather not know 'o 'e's stuck it in." He pauses, then closes his eyes in a very 'god damn it, man' way, realizing what he just said.

"Heh. No. I suppose you wouldn't, but if you found out from someone else..." She sighs, bumps his shoulder with hers, and then moves away to crawl toward the basket. "How does steak sound for dinner?"

Yes, she is trying to distract him from imagining Leon fucking her.

Not expecting an offering of food, he looks up at her and then at the basket. "What? Oh. Yeah. 'Ell yeah. Mess at Deliv'rance Point does pretty good but, y'know.” He paused, then quietly followed up with, "Thanks fer ownin' up. But, uh. It's okay."

She pulls out a pair of covered plates. A good, rare steak, with garlic mashed potatoes and some grilled vegetables is passed off to him with a shrug. "Thank you for being understanding. And for explaining a bit. But it makes my question feel even more silly, now." Scallops, rice, and butter-drowned vegetables for her.

Anyone judging by his expression would think she'd just stripped in front of him and said 'have at it,' the way he looks at that food, and especially once he's smelled it. He actually makes a tiny little 'hee' sound in the back of his throat when he takes the plate. "What question?"

She picks up her drink to sip it and wait until he's not eating, drinking, or holding anything that will break if he drops it from laughing too hard. Still, she can't help but smirk from behind her glass at how silly her question feels (especially with how it may be a touch tardy). "Is it alright if I fall in love with you, or would that be too serious for your taste?"

Good decision. He chokes on air and nearly drops the plate even though it's in his lap. Once he's not coughing, he's chuckling, putting the plate down on the blanket next to him and wiping his mouth. "This from th'girl 'o made fun o' me fer usin' 'fancy'? 'Is it all right?'"

She shrugs. "It is rather adorably quaint slang." She's smiling at both their silliness, now. "I've been with men - and sometimes insisted on the rule myself - where getting that attached was not alright."

Leaning over a bit, he nudges her with his shoulder. "Adorably quaint, pff. Don't get smug on me now, babygirl, y'were doin' so well."

"Humility is not a good look for mages."

"Can be. Y'look amazin' on yer knees."

"So do you." She pops a scallop in her mouth and tries not to smirk up at him.

Someday Terry's gonna have words with himself about how easy it is to make him blush. "Only t'you."

She hooks a finger in his shirt collar and pulls him in close, affecting a sharkish grin that loses most of its edge because she's trying not to laugh. "Only for me."

He can't quite help the way his eyes widen when she does that, even if he does know she's messing with him. It happens and goes away after a second, but it definitely happened. Then he closes the remaining distance between them to kiss her, if only for a peck. "True."

She leans back, still grinning, but gestures at his dinner. "Am I to take it that means it's alright?" Another scallop, still with her bare fingers. Terrible manners on this woman!

Bit of a 'damn' to his face when she doesn't let herself stay distracted, and he picks up a bit of steak he'd cut. She started the terrible manners, he's allowed. "Can't very well stop y', can I?"

She shrugs. "I can choose to fall in love, I can choose to not, no?" She winds her arm around his and leans against him, picking at her food with her free hand. "Besides, you know I already love you dearly. If you wanted, I could be happy with just this, for as long as we have."

He sets his hand on her hip almost without thinking, and rests his head on top of hers once he's done chewing. Wouldn't do to get crumbs in her hair. "Dunno. Can y'choose t'turn somethin' like tha' off?"

"Pft, I can do anything if I put my mind to it." No, no, she can't, but she's not about to admit it right now.

"Mm. So, I got a question fer yer question."

"Fire away."

"Are y'askin' if it's all right, or are y'askin' if I feel th' same way?"

"... I don't need you to be in love with me, Sam. I don't even need you to love me, or 'care deeply,' however we'd like to put it, which I-" She pauses and clears her throat quietly. “It would be nice, but it's not necessary. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable, either by holding you at a distance or pulling you closer."

He's quiet for a bit, eventually curling his other arm around her waist and shifting to sit a bit more comfortably. "Y'din't answer my question, babygirl. Are you askin' me what you actually wanna ask me?"

"I am not asking if you're in love with me, Terry. That would be... Incredibly rude, for lack of a better way of phrasing it. I'm not playing any silly games. I'm asking exactly what I want to know."

"Then m'answer doesn't really change." Ducking his head, he kisses her cheek. "I can't very well stop y'."

She sighs, smiles and exasperated little smile, and continues eating with her fingers. "Eat your dinner, old man."

"Old man! Aren't you older'n me?" Chuckling, he picks up another steak bit.

"Hm, how old are you?"

"Th--" He pauses and squints upward for a minute. "...irty one? I think? Did I miss thirty? ...No. Thirty-one's this year. Yeah. Thirty fer now."

"Then yes. I am older than you are."

"Oh no y'don't. 'Ow old?"

"Thirty-four."

"Gods, I'm stuck with a crone."

"An eternally youthful and beautiful crone, thank you." She tweaks his chin. "You're not stuck with anything."

"She says with 'er arm snaked so tight 'round mine."

"Oh? And that arm around my waist is for balance, I suppose?"

"No, it's t'keep a girl 'o loves me from gettin' away too fast."

"Hmf. Won't be leaving unless you give me reason to." She huffs. "Besides, you're the one always going where I can't follow."

"I 'alf expect t'turn 'round an' see y'comin' up be'ind me t'wreck shit, anyway."

"Soon, I think. I have some ideas..." She shakes her head.

"Pursue 'em. I wanna see my girl beatin' th'shit outta th' demon 'ordes."

She tries to pull away a bit so she can properly look him in the eye again. He won’t stop her, at least not unless she scoots too far.

"Please remember that above all else, no matter what else happens, I am your friend and want to see you happy and healthy. Right?"

His smile fades a little, one eyebrow rising. "Well...yeah. I wasn't questionin' tha'. Should I 'ave?"

"No. I just want to make certain you remember it. No silly self-sacrificing to save me, or worse, my feelings."

"Can't necessarily guarantee th' first bit, babygirl. Y'kin take care o'yerself but some shit's just reflex."

She pouts, but nods. "And the second?"

"Well... I don't 'urt y’ on purpose." He waves his fingers underneath his chin for a second. "When t'shut up. Y'know."

"We both have that problem. As long as we don't leave it at shooting off our mouths, I think we'll be alright."

Terry nods after a minute, then tilts her chin up with a finger. "Kin I 'ave my kiss now?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because I want mine, first."

Smirking, he leans down until his eyes are level with hers, lips damn near touching hers, and stops. "Take it, then."

She cups both hands under his jaw and barely brushes her lips against his, then turns his head to continue back along his jaw toward his ear.

That is less of a kiss than he expected, but he's not about to pull away, going as close to statue-still as he can manage when he's bent at such a sharp angle. She is, after all, rather wee. The soft little groan that simple brush of her lips along his ear draws out of him is nothing but satisfying.

It ends with a frustratingly short tug on his earlobe with her lips before she goes back and murmurs, "Your turn, Sam," against his mouth.

She barely gets to finish the 'M' before he's mashed his lips into hers and is pushing her down to the blanket.

The best part is that she can't manage an evil cackle when she's too busy giggling giddily. She has just enough sense to shove plates out of the way.

"Evil li'l bitch" is all he manages to say, mouth still pressing hers down. If she hadn't moved the plates, he would have...eventually...probably. After he's spent a good five seconds trying to steal her soul, he lifts his head with a lazy grin. "Yeah... yeah, I think it's all right with me."

"Hwuh? Oh... Good." She tries to blink away the confusion, but just looks unsurprisingly dazed. "Skipping dessert, are we?"

"I want y't'appreciate right now 'ow much I care 'bout you, tha' I am not makin' any cracks about chocolate at this moment."

She gives him a fake little smack, further ruined by the way her hand just stays there as she catches his earlobe between her fingers. "I appreciate you not being a lazy bastard just because you love me sooooo much."

Turning his head to kiss at her wrist, he leers sidelong at her. "There is a rest'raunt somewhere tha' makes a fancy sundae with gold foil on, though." One hand flicks the shiny material of her clothes.

She sighs and rolls her eyes. "No doubt. There's also one that makes an amazing fruit tart with the fruit piled several inches high."

"Callin' you a fruit tart seems t'be in...poor taste...too." He nips her wrist, grinning unrepentantly.

"But easier to stomach when I haven't been compared to it my whole life."

Shifting smoothly into Suramarian, he says, "{And yet you quiver so, should I refer to your kiss as the cool brush of an evening breeze.}"

Her eyes go wide, but then she scowls. "I hate you so much."

"Do you?" Reaching up to hold her hand in place, he begins kissing his way down her arm. "Why?"

"Mmm, making fun of my weakness - hf - for decent lines of poetic flattery."

"{Decent, she says, even as she holds back another mewl.}" There's a nibble this time.

"You don't believe me when I tell you they're good!"

"{Then quiver, my tiny darling, quiver for me, and speak to me of quality in a language I know.}"

She groans, and it's only partly exasperation. "What am I going to do with you, Terrence Samuel Ambroce?"

"I kin think of a few thin's, but they're a lot less soppy than th'shit I've been sayin' in th' last few minutes." The grin has no shame. The grin does, however, fade into a thoughtful line before he kisses her palm again. "{...do you love me, then?}"

"Rude."

"{Rudeness holds no sway over the classless.}" He smirks. "{Do you love me?}"

She scowls, and says in Thalassian, "{Like the honeybee loves her hive.}"

"{A curious love. The queen is slave to the hive, unable to leave and ever producing, ever expanding the hive.}"

"{It is no better for the workers. They may leave the shelter of the hive, but must always return with all they have for the hive. But queen or worker, what you call slavery, others call purpose.}"

"{You speak of obligation, not love.}"

She sighs noisily. "{I speak of a metaphor that has entirely changed meaning by being examined too long. I wonder if it would be more accurate to say 'as the hive loves the honeybee,' then?}"

"{Perhaps accuracy is best found in literal terms, rather than metaphor. You asked my permission to fall in love with me. If you are not already there yet... what do you feel now?}"

"Protective. Admiration and respect. Frustration. And... there's a, a glee at how well we fit, that made me wish to ask if it was alright to fall in love with you, and to express it." She threads her fingers into his hair. "To allow myself to be possessive, and proud that you are not just my friend, but mine."

He's a bit startled at the language switch and his eyes dart from side to side for a split second like he's actually afraid someone will overhear, but it's there and gone. Her hands are in his hair and he's settled a bit, though she can easily feel the surge of warmth that rolls through him at the way she says 'mine.' "...Do I..." Irritably, he switches back. "{Do I have yours?}"

She tilts her head. "My what- oh!" The genuine smile that brings on turns wicked. "You know, any other woman might feel intimidated into agreement by having you pinning her to the ground."

"Any other woman'd not get th' offer."

She grins at that. "Oh, you're 'offering' to fall in love with me, are you?"

He grins back. "Weren't you t'me?"

"I was asking permission. Not offering. Very different. But." She tugs him downward. "You're welcome to try."

"Yer a terrible liar, babygirl." He settles on top of her to rest his forehead against hers. "But I'll take tha' as permission anyway."

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, just enjoying how close they are for a minute. "...I would not suggest it as a wise course of action. But please do."

"I'll let y'know if I do." He kisses her again, not waiting for her to respond.

( @shedwyn , @rhiswyn for mentions )