#but the second he learns how to read and apply affection it’s sO over for you (:< /hj

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Why Is Misdemeanor Of the Heart's Reader...

White Coded?

Yep, I said it. Come, take a seat and get cozy in the Fox Den while Mamma Kit answers some questions.

CW: Discussions of race and racism in a historical context and me being a wordy ass bitch

I've seen some discourse around Human!Alastor readers and writers and have gotten some of these questions myself over the last few months.

Firstly- I am white. I'm so fucking white that I use SPF 100 sunscreen. I grew up in Alaska. The history I learned growing up wasn't African American history; it was Alaska Native history. I didn’t learn about how we fucked over African American people in America’s early history. Instead, I learned how we fucked over the villages of the land I was raised on.

Why does this matter? The current accepted fanon for Alastor's human life is that he was a Black or mixed-race radio host who died in 1933 and reached his mid to late 30s or 40s. We know he had a successful career and was also a serial killer. He favored jazz, and rye is his drink of choice. He exists somewhere on the ace spectrum.

Time for a little math. Let's go with the middle ground—he was 40 in 1933. That means he would have been born around 1893. Let’s assume his mother was 25 when he was born. She would have been born in 1868. Using the same age for her mother, Alastor's grandmother would have been born in 1843. Remember this—it’ll matter in a minute.

For MisD and all of my human Alastor writing, as well as the works of many other human Alastor writers, we approach Alastor's life through a historical lens. I, like many others, enjoy exploring a time period rich with change—dynamic and vibrant with energy, money, and hope.

What does this mean? This means Alastor would have faced significant amounts of racism. Being Black, mixed-race, or how well he could pass as white would all drastically impact his life. It affected what opportunities he had, the education he received, and how laws were applied to him.

Ready for a history lesson? The Emancipation Proclamation was issued by President Abraham Lincoln on January 1, 1863. It declared all enslaved people in rebellious areas of the United States to be free. Alastor's grandmother—based on the ages we used earlier—would have been a 20-year-old woman at that time.

Alastor would have been raised by a first-generation free woman. He likely wouldn’t have had access to public education, instead being taught in group homeschool-like sessions by those who had learned to read and write.

If he was mixed-race, he would have faced significant discrimination from all of society.

The Civil Rights Movement in the USA didn’t begin until the mid-1950s—a full twenty years after his death.

The reality is that we don’t know a lot about the Black experience during the early to mid-1900s. Much of this history wasn’t recorded by (white) historians. Instead, it was passed down through stories from parents to children, and so on. Only now are we starting to uncover and listen to the histories, stories, and experiences of Black Americans during this time period.

Remember how I mentioned at the start that I’m white as fuck? I don’t have grandparents I can go to and ask about the Black experience when they were children. First—my grandparents are all dead, and second—they were somehow whiter than I am. Their perspective wouldn’t help me because it isn’t my family’s story to tell.

What I can do is look at what we do know, listen to the voices of Black Americans who are finally being allowed to share their stories, and reflect that in my version of human Alastor. I can spend the time to research and learn. For instance, Alastor would have been ahead of his time—the first Black radio host was in 1929, a man named Jack L. Cooper from Chicago. He hosted the first Black-produced weekly variety show and showcased Black entertainers.

I can listen to stories of how mixed-race men were afforded the privilege of their lighter skin as long as they were useful to their white employers, only to be scapegoated the second anything went wrong. I do my best to reflect these stories in Human!Alastor's experiences and behaviors.

Why A White Coded Reader? I cannot even begin to hope to understand the Black American experience as it is now, let alone how it was in 1922, when MisD is set, or in the late 1910s, when my other Human Al fics take place. What I can understand on a deeper level is the white woman's experience, the experience of poverty, the experiences of abused women, and what it’s like to view the Black experience from the outside looking in.

And so that is what I try to highlight with my Human!Alastor fics. Yes, when I’m writing a Human!Alastor fic that deals with racial, class, and social politics as one of the themes to be explored (such as MisD), the reader is coded as white. It is through a white reader that I can have conversations with Alastor about why he feels he has to be perfect, why he straightens his hair, and so on. I cannot do proper justice to these feelings on a deeper level from a Black perspective because I can’t even begin to hope to understand it.

I cannot truly understand what Alastor’s Blackness would mean to him or how he would feel about being mixed. However, I can learn and understand how it impacted his life from the outside looking in. This is what I strive to do—to shed light on what Alastor’s accomplishments would have meant and how much his mistakes would have cost him.

I would love to see more Black writers in the fanfic space, especially within the Human!Alastor space. I would also love to see fewer readers written as blank slates. The Black experience in America and other white-dominated cultures is still not spotlighted often enough, both in present-day and historical settings.

These are stories that need to be told—perspectives that need to be explored, seen, and heard. However, they are not my stories to tell. Personally, until I am far better educated on the matter, I feel it would take away from these stories and be disrespectful to the lives of the very real people who lived them if I were to write from a perspective I cannot hope to understand.

I will continue to strive to write readers as racially neutral as often as the plot allows. However, I also ask that readers respect that, when the plot deals with racial, social, and class divides in a historical setting, if the reader is coming from a place of privilege, their skin tone is often the reason for such privilege.

Of course, I encourage readers to suspend disbelief and insert themselves into the fic regardless of their personal skin tone. I write from a historical setting, but as readers, you can imagine a set of historical laws or circumstances that allow for the same dynamics without requiring a white reader.

Can I do better? Absolutely—we all can. We’re always growing, improving, and learning. I was blessed to be raised in one of the most diverse places in the country (over 45 languages were spoken fluently at my high school). However, since leaving, I’ve struggled with the realities of having that bubble burst—not that Alaska was without racism.

I always welcome respectful discussions about the themes in MisD and all of my fics, as well as the reasons things may be portrayed the way they are. I prefer to write dark content, and with that comes the opportunity to educate and shine a light on topics many people avoid discussing. I simply ask for respect in return for the respect I give.

Much love, Kit

[a-hazbin-spider]

Angel’s brows furrowed, his thoughts telling him better than to let his bow rise as it stood. He was sure to give the care that he could, refraining from the touch that was to be taken as unwanted. If he’s anything like his boss, Papyrus could easily take one mistake and soon find a trail of them. Until Angel could safely say otherwise, he’d keep his head down as to avoid any disservice.

With his body curled, chest pressed to his legs, head essentially before his knees, most he was doing for a spell was listening. And while relief is microdosed via a bunch of stammering, it also brings forth considerable confusion. And a bit of worry for a different reason. “Your… body structure?” Slowly he moves from his position, rising just slightly, awkwardly. His eyes start to take an observant gaze over limbs, bones, fur, skin- checking for anything wrong. Bruising, injury- anything like that. Aside from the recent, he might even say the other man was in better shape than he was. His boss often kept him… trim, to put it nicely. He’s scrawny, and never without- well, what people often have deemed to be feminine traits. He usually would also rather die than admit to any of his physical flaws- setbacks if you will. But of course his mind would try looking for such things!

His brain wasn’t helping him out much, he was trying to figure out what was wrong. Only this focus made him very visibly flinch over movement. Eyes squeezing shut, bracing for impact. But nothing like that comes. The other man has a gentle hand, one that made him let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he’d been holding. “You… you don’t gotta apologize. I’m s’posed t’be here t’make ya feel good. Guess I didn’t try’n expose nothin’. Is there somethin’ that’d make it- I dunno, better?” He fishes for words, wringing his hands as if it’d help.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

@the-lord-of-letters

“When you say shit like that, almost makes me think you’s a married man. Or maybe that you forgot protection~.” What an ass, though, he doesn’t appear to be worried by those words. Maybe he should be though, maybe it wasn’t so much him, as it was the man he knew quite a bit more about.

[flippinpancakes64]

hi !! i absolutely love your work and headcannons sm<3

i'm not sure if smth like this has been asked already, but can you do cullen w/ a "bella?" As in, a human they meet that is their singer + particularly interests them, whether that be because a limitation to their power (like bella w edward) or something similar.

idk if that really makes sense but thank you !!

The Cullens meeting their Blood Singer

I think I understand what you mean, so don't worry!

Also I just got my acrylics off after having them for months and guys it is so nice to be able to feel the keys while I type lol

Also I only applied the power limitation thing to Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Bella since they're the only ones with a power lol. For the others I just went with the reader being a blood singer.

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

He's already met Bella, but it's said in the books that vampires can have multiple singers

So even though he's been through this before, that doesn't mean that meeting you is any easier

And the deja vu is crazy when he realizes that he can't read your thoughts either

He's like seriously this again

Even though he tries his best to stay away from you, he knows he can't

He accepts it easier this time

And after all of his practice with Bella, he is much less of a danger to you

He is pretty frustrated though

Like seriously he has to fall in love with someone whose mind he can't read again

It's like his own personal curse

Just like with Bella though, he does get used to your scent

And even though he's upset about the fact that he can't use his ability on you, he copes

Alice:

Throughout the series, there are multiple instances where her power has been blocked by people

The wolves, namely

So when she encounters you she is shocked to say the least

She's never witnessed this power in a human before

Not to mention the fact that you smell so delicious

She needs a second to lie down

Unlike the wolves, your power only affects you when you're human

Similar to Bella's

She is exasperated though

Not only did she not foresee you entering her life because of your ability, but she also can't see any of your future

You tripped and fell once and she didn't know that it was going to happen and she was so upset

But as far as you being a singer for her, she's not too bothered

She has pretty good self control so she's able to be around you with little to no difficulty

When she does eventually turn you though you're gonna need to turn off your ability cause she is over it rn

Jasper:

It's a bit touchy for a while

Alice foresaw your arrival and warned Jasper so that he could be prepared

That still didn't properly prepare him for how good you would smell

It takes him a while to not want to kill you

And you have to be super careful not to bleed at all around him

As far as your ability, he has never once met someone who was immune to him

Even Bella's shield was susceptible to him

Carlisle guessed that yours is more of a physical shield than a mental one

Either way he finds it so odd

And a little bit of an inconvenience

But he doesn't use his ability too often on people he knows so it's not that big of a deal

His main concern is not killing you

Rosalie:

Her and Emmett have traveled a lot

So chances are she has probably met a singer before

Only in the past she just flees as fast as she can

Not because she's worried she'll kill them, but mostly just because she doesn't want to deal with that

But there's something different about you

Call it love at first sight

She doesn't struggle too much around you

She's never tasted human blood after all, so her self-control is unmatched

She's pretty hesitant about getting in a relationship with you though

She's worried about what would happen if you accidentally cut yourself or something

She doesn't know if she would be able to stop herself

But she learns to trust herself eventually

Emmett:

Uhm

His first instinct is to kill you

He's done it before

It's mentioned in the books that he has killed 2 or 3 of his blood singers in the past

That's why he tells Edward to just kill and eat Bella

But again there's something different about you

He just feels the strong desire to keep you alive

And so he does

But not without some trouble

Since he's always given into his desires in the past, it's super difficult to deny himself

So it takes a while

But he does push past it eventually

Esme:

She's been with Carlisle her whole life, so her craving have always been controlled

But she feels like a newborn again when she smells you

You're the best thing she's ever smelled, it makes her want to pounce

She goes to Carlisle first

He helps her to control herself and then she finally introduces herself to you

It's super difficult for her

But she loves you

She loves the way you smell, even if she can't have it

And yes she does have a bit of a crisis when she starts to fall in love with you because she thought Carlisle was the only one for her

Waiter I will take my blood singer with a side of angst and existentialism

Carlisle:

He's definitely met a blood singer in the past

He's over 400 years old I'd be more surprised if he hadn't

And because he has had so long to wear down his senses and control them better

He's like a vegan smelling a steak

He can appreciate that it smells good, but he won't eat it

Translating that over to you, he can tell instantly that you are his blood singer, but he will not indulge

There was one instance, though, where you scraped your knee and he had to excuse himself from the room

He felt so bad and apologized profusely afterwards

But you understood

It takes him a while to recover from that

I mean, that's the first time he's really felt such a strong desire to drink human blood in over 300 years

But he gets acclimated to the smell of you after a while so he's okay

Vampire! Bella:

She knew only the surface level of the impact that she used to have on Edward

She watched him struggle, but she never knew how bad it was

Still being so young, her first instinct was to pounce on you in the school hallway

But with Edward and Carlisle's help she was able to control herself

She still struggles a bit, but she's getting better every day

As for your ability, she is frustrated

Now she understands why Edward was so upset about not being able to read her mind

You have the ability to cut through her mind defenses

As a human your ability is very sporadic

You subconsciously send various thoughts of yours straight into her head and it's jarring

You don't even know you're doing it

Even when she strengthens her defenses, you still push through like it's nothing

She apologizes to Edward

[fallenangelics]

On The Edge of His Seat

PAIRING | Angel Dust/Husk

WORD COUNT | 1326

SUMMARY | Things between Angel and Husk have been going slow but steady. It wasn't what Angel was used to but he couldn't say he was upset by it. So when some of his hornier tendencies start to take over he may be a tad bit worried it might ruin things.

RATING | Mature

WARNING/TAG(S) | No Archive Warnings Apply, Established Relationship, Movie Night, Fat Nuggets

A/N | @rubra-wav created the beautiful banner below so go check out their content since they have some amazing stuff.

EVENTS | @eclipsingbingo | Pining | @kinky-things-happen | Accidental Stimulation | @fandombingo | Aroused By A Massage | @fandom-free-bingo | "Well, That Was..." "Yeah" | @multifandom-flash | Stopped Dead In Their Tracks | You Must Be Cold

AO3 LINK | Read Here

Only recently had Angel Dust and Husk moved to a more physical relationship. Being physically intimate in a non-sexual way was a new learning experience for Angel, though he couldn’t say he wasn’t enjoying it. 

Every morning he woke up to a cat-owl-hybrid wrapped protective around his back, wings splayed out and acting as a second blanket as he had Fat Nuggets occasionally tucked into his own arms. Sometimes Fat Nuggets chose to stay in his own bed so Angel would find his head resting under Husk’s chin and fingers buried in his fur. Groggy, morning-breath kisses were shared in greetings before one of them would have to pull the other away from the bed so they didn’t fall back asleep. 

Throughout the day Angel would be able to steal small moments with Husk when no one was looking. Already spending as much time at the bar as he did, it wasn’t like much of his daily routine had to change to spend more time with Husk, only the amount of affection Husk chose to share varied. Some days he would act as if they weren’t dating, trying to stay professional in case Alastor came barging in, others he couldn’t care less and would practically spend every second ogling Angel. 

When Angel would have to leave for work, Husk would stay up waiting for the spider to return. If Angel wanted to sit and talk for a few hours, Husk didn’t mind staying up a little longer and making a few drinks, but if Angel wanted to turn in for the night, Husk would take him up to bed like he would any other night, the two of them eventually tucking themselves in after their respective routines before laying close and waiting for it all to happen again. 

To say Angel was content would be an understatement. Every day he was filled with overflowing love for the bartender. He couldn’t bring himself to care for the lack of sexual intimacy, he experienced it enough every day at work to not have a raging libido whenever he got back to the hotel no matter how much he joked about it. That and the fact he didn’t want to ruin what he had with Husk. If staying with him meant taking it slow then that was exactly what Angel would do. 

But if that was what Husk wanted to do, he was left to the current predicament that he had gotten himself into. 

Sat originally lounged across the couch, his legs splayed over Husk’s lap. The rest of the hotel’s residents were taking up other pieces of furniture, minus Alastor, watching a movie on the television. Any attention that Angel had been paying towards the movie was lost once Husk had begun trailing his sharp nails along Angel’s legs. 

It didn’t stop there though as Husk’s fingers reached higher and higher, eventually deciding to drag Angel closer so he sat snug against Husk’s side. His tail very quickly then coiled its way around Angel after that, the feather tip wrapping around his midsection and hovering just over his legs. 

Every few moments, Husk’s tail would twitch, the feathers lightly brushing against the tight black shorts that he normally adorned. Though the movement was light, almost nonexistent, Angel could feel every brush of it. It seemed his mind and body zeroed in on the action, not being able to pay attention to anything else as the sensation repeated every few moments whenever Husk’s tail would twitch. 

What was worse was that Husk seemed to have no idea what he was doing. His attention was utterly focused on the movie in front of them, all of the twitches and brushes of his tail being in direct correlation to the reactions he was having while he was watching. 

It was infuriating, and almost intoxicating, as the heat spread throughout his body, being rendered to do nothing and show real constraint so as to not act on any desires to firstly not bring any attention to what Husk was unawarely doing, and secondly, not gross everyone else in the room out since his stomach should definitely not be tying itself into knots due to the heat that was spreading through him. 

With every second that passed by, Angel could feel himself slowly growing hard. How Husk didn’t realise it was beyond him, but he wasn’t about to point it out before he had the chance to sort it out. Angel tried willing it to calm down but it seemed Husk’s tail had a mind of its own and decided that Angel wasn’t going to get a break, edging him unconsciously.

Even as the movie came to an end, Angel had no clue, instead staring intently at the ground as he tried to keep his breathing even. A few times it had spiked into soft gasps, earning a few flicks of Husk’s ears as they pivoted to face him, not yet turning his head in case it was just a false alarm. 

As people began to file out, Angel muttering his good nights when they were due, he could only hope that Husk didn’t plan on sitting and chatting with him for too long. Though it was something that they did every night, making its way into their routine at this point, Angel couldn’t help but wish to be released from Husk’s gentle hold so he could take care of himself in the bathroom.

“Well Husky,” Angel feigned a large yawn, arching his back as he stretched himself out, trying to move Husk’s tail away while also folding his legs over one another to hide himself. With a soft smile, Husk kept his eyes fastened on Angel, running his hands soothingly over him continuously. “I might turn in as well. I think that movie bored me to my second death.”

“Are you sure? Do you want me to make you a drink to take up?” Husk asked, shifting with Angel. The slight movement resulted in Angel’s legs bunching together, a shiver raking through his body as his nerves were lit and light stimulation was sent through his body. Furrowing his bushy brows at Angel’s reaction, Husk asked, “Are you cold?”

“Nah- I’m good,” Angel stuttered out, trying to compose himself as he sat up fully. He tried sitting up properly when Husk’s knee shifted up, connecting directly with his clothed dick and sending a shockwave of pleasure through him. A breathy moan tumbled its way out of Angel’s lips before he could stop himself, putting a stop to any further movements as Husk’s head bolted towards him.

Freezing himself, Angel stared with wide eyes. All he could do was sit still as Husk’s eyes slowly trailed down to where he had been attempting to hide his growing erection. Preparing himself to be ridiculed or see Husk’s disgusted face, he was pleasantly surprised when he instead felt Husk’s hand reaching for his, running a soothing finger over it. 

“Well, that was…” Husk tried to formulate the words.

“Yeah,” Angel himself didn’t even know what to say in this situation. If it had been anyone else he would’ve taken it in stride and asked them back to his room, but after the slow pace he and Husk had been setting, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“Let’s go up?” Husk then said, keeping his hand in Angel’s as he stood. Unlike what Angel had thought, there wasn’t an ounce of hatred on Husk’s face.

“What?” He blurted out, eyes still bug-wide. “You’re not disgusted?”

“Why would I be?” Husk seemed genuinely beyond himself as he asked the question, as if finding out your boyfriend had a boner just because he was sitting next to you with your tail slightly brushing up against him wasn’t an unusual occurrence. “We can take care of it upstairs.”

“We?” The words were breathless, just like his earlier moan, as Angel was pulled to his feet by Husk.

[g4l4xy-qu33n]

Hello! So I'm new to your blog and I have to say that I LOVE it already, keep it up! :D

I don't rlly know if you're taking requests rn, but oh well, worth a shot. Can I request some platonic or romantic (it doesn't rlly matter) hcs with TADC Caine? I just can't get over this silly man and I'd like to read more about him!

Hi!! Yes, requests are open! (I should probably specify that - sorry!)

Also tysm!! It's so nice to hear that someone likes my blog &lt;3

A/N: I've never written for the silly teeth man before, but his personality came really easily to me - for some reason. Of course, as usual, these are all my personal headcanons for him, so please please please don't get mad at me if I 'got something wrong'. And also, this is written with afab reader in mind, but it can apply for any gender reader you like, as no pronouns or specific descriptions are used!

Warnings: Mentions of smut, and smutty activities. Apart from that, nothing but pure fluff and showman-style romance!

Romantic Headcanons for Caine!

(I couldn't think of anything I could write for platonic, I'm a lot better at romantic-)

Starting off, I definitely think that Caine is a romantic type. (What showman wouldn't be?)

Caine would favour you over all the other circus members, and deny it if he gets called out.

He would exempt you from adventures that you don't want to do, and instead take you out for a fancy candlelit meal at the digital restaurant shown in the pilot.

Think fancy wines, lavish suits or dresses, romantic jazz music played by a digital band, and candles. Tons and tons of candles just floating while you two eat the best digital food of your life.

And dessert? Angle Food Cake of course, made specially by him or bubble.

You'd dance to the music, ballroom style, with a few dips and extra special moves included.

Every time you would go out with him, he'd give you a gift. Maybe a fancy brooch, or a piece of jewellery encrusted with jewels and plated by gold.

Fancy outfits are also to be expected.

You'd be given the luxury of a larger, more secluded bedroom as well!

The bed would be adorned with silk sheets and a bed canopy, most likely in red to remind you of him.

And I'm not sure if you want nsfw, but the nights you guys would spend in that bed would be fun, to say the least.

He'd happily indulge whatever you're into. Ai's are always wanting to learn new things, after all.

He'd spoil you rotten, both in bed and out.

When it comes to affection, he's a good mix of a lot of different types of affection.

As stated above, he's a gift giver, but also big on acts of service.

He's a big believer in words of affirmation, but not too often. Don't wanna give you an ego. (Although with the way he treats you, I feel like you would already have one depending on your personality)

He would love calling you pet names. Traditional ones are his favourite, like darling, honey, lovely, dove, doll, etc.

When it comes to physical affection, he'd probably draw the line at holding hands and cuddles. Heck, even cuddles would be a bit too far sometimes. Maybe just an arm swung over your shoulder when you're watching a movie? Sure... you can lean into him as well, just not too far, okay?

And kisses are... a challenge. Depending on how you look in the digital world, kisses may be manageable. He has no lips over his teeth though, so if you really want to kiss him... uh, try your best. (Maybe just kiss his teeth?)

He'd definitely get flustered if you initiate anything or give him a gift, though.

Like he'd be all confident one second, and the next he'd be flustered and stuttering at your kindness.

He would also display your gift with pride for the whole circus to see!

That's the only thing the circus members'll see, though.

Caine would be fine being affectionate with you in private (if not too much) but in front of the others the furthest he would go when it comes to affection is pet names, or maybe flashing you a wink.

Not that the others really care though. I feel like they'd all be pretty indifferent to it, no matter how much affection you guys show.

If you bug him about it, he'd probably give in. Eventually.

AAA I'm so sorry I took so long! Home life has been crazy, but I don't really see that as an excuse-

And I hope you see this and like it! (And I'm also sorry it's a bit short-)

-Galaxy

[stars-in-a-jam-jar]

Thinking about how I developed an Immediate attachment to Damian Wayne the second I learned he existed. Not even the second I saw him, the second I heard his name in a YouTube video about those animated movies he's part of, something in me went 'We are going to make liking this boy the newest facet of our personality' and that was when I was like *15 years old*. I've never actually directly read any of the comics he appears in because accessing them required (in order) money I didn't have, library locations I didn't have access to, piracy skills I had too much on my plate to acquire, and more energy to go further out of my way than my ADHD would allow me. So instead I simply kept up with my boy from afar.

My image of him is both so clear and probably So Far Off Base.

He is haughty and entitled. Because he is Ten Years Old and raised to believe if he was mean and deadly enough he could do whatever he wanted forever. Because his existence was functionally an experiment to see How Powerful Of A Being Batman's genetics could create and now he is obsessed with his own bloodline and birthright in a way No Healthy Person Is. Because in all the ways that matter to him, he has succeeded through Raw Stubborn Determination up until he is confronted with the fact that he cannot please his father while staying this way.

And isn't every child entitled to their father's love? So why does his father disapprove of him so much? Why does he treat these other people like family when Damian is his real family? Why does he work with them so closely but tell Damian to step back and follow orders? Damian is better than all of them in all the ways that matter most, obviously! He's earned his father's love and he should have it by default anyway!

But Damian doesn't know what love looks like. He knows what expectations and tests and goals and master plans look like. When you love someone you watch over them and notice things about them, but the only thing he was ever watched for, the only thing that was noticed about him all 6-to-10 years of his life was his ability to dispense death and navigate mortal peril and rigid high-control-group power structures. He doesn't know, he doesn't know how loved he is when Bruce tells him to put the blades away, to reel himself in, to not commit murders, to go to bed on time. How easily and automatically his father looks at him and sees a child in his care. Because to Damian, 'child' is a demeaning powerless role that only applied to him for as long as he had yet to grasp the mechanics of walking.

He doesn't realize how lonely and starved for affection he is. His slowness to believe in others and his overly formal abrasive speech speak to someone so unsocialized with anyone it'd be appropriate for him to socialize with that nothing short of Multiple Years Of De-Conditioning could possibly get him to a place where he can comfortably exist in a casual, gentle setting.

And then his dad Fucking Dies (this is comics and also It's Fucking Batman so obviously he gets better, But Like Still) and he has to orient his life around one of the people he started this whole journey territorially attacking for daring to think he had a comparable place in the heart of Damian's father just because he came into Bruce's life first. He becomes Dick Grayson's Robin, and suddenly everything about the way he's been operating gets shuffled and shaken and crackled into a shape that looks like a properly heroic young man. He connects to Dick in a way he's never connected with another person, he doesn't just feel a sense of 'Yes, this is The Correct Way Of Going About Things', he feels comfortable and like he's part of a team and not a Power Structure.

Has anyone else seen this? Do they touch on this Even A Little in the comics? All I know is the broad strokes and yet I Am Obsessed With This Boy. He's lifted from the original context of his life into the role of 'Batman's youngest son' and is floundering for a place in this family, but he doesn't understand that 'love' and 'family' and 'power structures' are not synonymous words. He is trying! He's trying to prove he's so cool and competent and valuable and why does everyone keep treating him like one of the least competent forms of person??? He's not a child, he's Damian Wayne Al-Guhl. He takes the mantle of Robin for himself because he refuses the idea that he should be asking permission, because to ask is an admission that not everything is meant for him all the time.

I'm so sleepy I wanna say more but I've already written so much about a character who I've only directly experienced in Wildly Inconsistent Forms.

I just like Damian Wayne a bunch, he's my blorbo.

[cnco4ever]

Teachers assistant (part 2)

Christopher Velez.

Warnings: none in this chapter.

Suggestions are always welcome.

Thank you for reading 🙏🏼

_____________________________________________

That went well. The students clearly like Mr. Velez and pays attention to his words. Especially the girls. They were practically swooning. I think i'll learn alot from him. I would want my students to listen to me, seek guidance and learn from my tutoring as well. I'll do my absolute best to become the teacher that i so desperately needed myself while growing up. I've decided that i'd like to finish my classes and actually become a licensed teacher instead of just an assistant.

I could even ask Mr. Velez for help. I'll ask him tomorrow before our next zoom class, when he calls. I would be grateful if he would go over my materials, my old papers, the litterature i've chosen to cover and just point me in the right direction. Hopefully with the right attitude, i could learn alot from his teaching techniques.

----------------------------------------------------------

He's calling in a few minutes. I get butterflies just thinking about having his big eyes focusing on me. I put in a little more effort to my looks this morning. It's so unprofessional to act like that, i know, but i would like if he thought good about me. Maybe even be a little smitten by me, cause i'm already a little smitten by him. God it's embarrassing. Get a freaking grip.

BUZZ BUZZ

It's him! "Mr. Velez, good to see you again" i say when i pick up his call. Hopefully he doesn't see straight through my big, fake smile while i try to look professional and not look like a little girl with a silly crush. He laughs "you too Miss. Knight". His smile is so big, that his eyes wrinkles in the corner. He really is handsome. "No cap today?" I ask with a more natural smile. I'm completely at ease with him. "No, not today, but i can put one on if you like?" he has some mischief in his eyes. I can feel the heat rise to me cheeks instantly as i drop my eyes down to the ground. "You decide" i say softly as i look back up at the phone. I take a deep breath and jump right into the unknown, "I would actually like to ask you something, if you're not bussy, Mr. Velez?". His eyes light up in a curious manner, eyebrows raising, urging me to go on. "I've decided to go back to school half time to finish my studies and become a fully educated teacher, but i would like to have you go through some of my materials before i apply again, if you wouldn't mind?" I looks at him waiting. Trying to put on my most professional yet welcoming expression. He looks at me for a few seconds, clearly thinking it over, before breaking into a smile. "Who could say no to you? Of course. I would love to read some of your material. How much time do you have left of your studies?". I exhale the breath i didn't know that i was holding. "i have like a year left, but it's also the most challenging part" i say. I can't stop smiling big. What a relief!

I can see him clicking around his phone. Different color lights shine on his face. "You know what, how about we get together on sunday and i can go over the things that you want me to?" He asks while returning his focus to me on the screen. "Yeah, i would like that very much. Thank you". I wouldn't miss it for the world, but the nerves can't be ignored. "Great" he says. "We'll meet at campus ground then around noon? The benching area". I nod eagerly with the biggest smile ever. "I look forward to seeing you. Lets get this class started then" he says and opens the zoom room for the students.

Two days until our meeting. I need to find all of my papers and go over them before handing them to him. I want him to see me as organised and in control as possible. I need to give him a good impression of me, cause i'm already so impressed of him. He is so well spoken, well prepared and genuinely cares for his subjects. Men that knows what they're doing, affects me instantly, but right now, i'll listen to his smooth voice greeting the students.

[denjis-chainsaws]

°•●~| Chainsaw Man |~●•°

Character(s): Denji, mentions of Power and Aki Hayakawa

Genre: Headcanons, relationship, fluff

Reader: Male Reader (masc. pronouns and nouns, trans-inclusive), second person (you, your, yours), maybe a little dense pre-relationship?

Extra Notes: As per usual in every fandom I have seen very little male reader content, especially for Denji. If no one else will give him a boyfriend, then I'll write it myself. Also, no real idea for a time frame, this just generally takes place during Part 1, though certain bits can be applied to Part 2.

《 || - - - - - - - - || 》

Denji isn't a stranger to having feelings for someone, that boy falls for anyone who shows him a crumb of kindness. But he isn't used to falling for another boy. He's not opposed to it, it's just very new to him like most other relationship-type things.

So then in comes you to sweep him off his feet. Metaphorically or literally! Either way he is absolutely enamored with you. From your looks to how you carry yourself to the way you speak, everything about you renders him speechless.

At first he panics. He was raised by himself out in a cabin in the wilderness for most of his life, he doesn't have the foggiest clue about social norms and the like. By the time he's brought to Tokyo and is able to read manga and magazines, the only thing he's seen are relationships between men and women. The only time he's ever felt attraction up to that point was towards women. He didn't know if feeling this way about another boy was normal.

It causes him such distress and inner turmoil that it affects his patrols with Power and Aki. Power isn't much help since she has as similar a grasp of social norms as Denji. Aki, on the other hand, tells him quite bluntly that it's fine and shouldn't be causing him this much strife. After that his feelings towards you just kinda click, "Oh... Cool."

Once it sinks in, he's very obvious about his feelings. Everyone can read him like a book, it's embarrassing. Yet somehow it seems all of that has gone over your head, leaving you oblivious to his pining. It takes him asking you out directly to realize his feelings may extend past friendship.

Denji is a simple man that enjoys simple things, so simple dates are up his alley. Walking around the streets in the evening, going to a theater to watch a movie, or grabbing some good grub from a nearby food cart or truck. It would be his treat like a real gentleman, if he had any money to speak of. Though he promises to pay you back! Someday!

You teach him the intricacies of relationships. Largely of how they're take AND give. Many of the women Denji has chased after in the past were always taking and taking, and rarely ever giving if at all. Maybe he isn't feeling that way because he's dating a boy... Are men really that different from women in relationships? Denji doesn't know, and ultimately he doesn't care. He's happy to have a significant other who loves and cares for him as a real person.

Denji has no sense of personal space and is always clinging to you. He loves PDA and is incredibly shameless to boot. If you're walking around somewhere, he's holding your hand. Sitting somewhere to wait for a bus or just to relax, he's squeezed up tight against you and wrapping an arm around you no matter if you're smaller or bigger than him. Hell, at one point he begs you to try that cliche trope of using two straws to drink from the same shake or smoothie together. He saw it in a manga and thought it was pretty cute, so it had to be just as cute to try it in real life, no?

If you're not comfortable with the amount of physical affection Denji provides, you don't have to be afraid to speak up about it. Denji is crass and uncultured, but he's not that uncivilized. He is still getting used to everything, but above all else he wants to make sure his boyfriend is happy and comfortable, so he'll learn to tone down the clinginess if that's what makes you feel better.

You, on the flipside, learn more of his quirks. He loves praise and reassurance. All of this new stuff he's learning can be very intimidating, and as much as Denji can put on a face and handle it, he does doubt himself a lot. A simple pat on the back and words of "Good job!" can go a long way for him.

If you like to cook, Denji devours anything you make for him. Doesn't matter if you're a beginner or a five-star chef, he loves everything you make. His only request is to avoid any kind of coffee or tea, he's not too fond of the "mud" and "leaf" water.

At the end of the day, whether you're staying at Aki's his place or yours, his favorite thing to do with you is unwind in bed together. You could read him a book, he loves your voice and all the fancy words you read aloud. Maybe you have a TV in your room, you could watch one of those late night auction programs and laugh at the people who waste such exorbante amounts of money on mundane things with pretty names attached. Or if you still have the energy to spare, maybe you could let Denji rest his head on your lap and run your fingers through his hair. He loves it when you do that. He loves it whenever he can be close to you and will snuggle up to you at the earliest opportunity. He's so used to holding Pochita in his sleep, and has been using an extra pillow as a subpar replacement ever since Pochita gave him his heart. Now he doesn't need the pillow so long as he has you.

[mcmusing]

Yesterday I talked about how Johnny Storm's emotionally stunted. This applies to two other self-proclaimed New Yorkers as well.

I love that Neal Caffrey and Mike Ross are in their late 20s/early 30s while still in critical need of parental figures and reining in. Something more people need to realize is that no birthday automatically transforms someone into an adult. I'm not referring to ridiculous slackers who do nothing but eat cereal and play video games all day because their mothers enable them. Different experiences can cause some to grow up quickly or extremely slowly. The physical body aging means nothing if the mind hasn't caught up to it for whatever reasons. Even more fascinating, Neal and Mike are both geniuses overflowing with potential. They are hindered by their troubled pasts, being raised by women unprepared to be single parents to boys, untreated mental issues, and a severe lack of positive male role models for most of their lives. When that last detail is rectified, things start falling into place for them.

Similar to Mike, Neal's problems are rooted in having his childhood abruptly flipped upside down. Though Neal's drastic change- learning his 'hero' cop father was actually a crooked one- did not occur until his 18th birthday, it completely tainted his childhood and entire world view. Since his whole life, including his name, became tainted, lying became second-nature for him. Sometimes without him realizing it. Though he primarily goes by Neal Caffrey, he uses a wide range of aliases with varying experiences and areas of expertise. This chameleon ability almost comes off as if he might have a touch of multiple personality. Honestly, I believe he's a young boy playing dress-up, wanting to be anyone but himself. Peter has even referred to him as an 'alias savant'.

Neal's genius is different from Mike's magical memory. Neal is self-taught and learned a great deal while traveling all over the world. Though he doesn't have so much as a high school diploma, not limiting his education to the American public school system, made him an expert in the fields he loves. He's also a lightning quick-thinker, able to adjust to the unpredictable without letting panic show. This likely comes from him being like Johnny Storm and seeing the world as a great big hedonistic game. A very favored coping mechanism for many. He's also highly empathetic and able to read people. He uses it for manipulation at times, but at his core, Neal is a kind, loving, compassionate but very damaged person.

I've mentioned before that something great about male bonds is that the elders don't fill the novices with false platitudes and entitlement. They drop hard truths all the time and this is true of Peter as well. The agent was the first adult to take such a focused interest in him without trying to recruit him for a heist. Neal adored his attention so much, he sent him birthday gifts. Peter is also the one most honest with him and any information he doesn't immediately disclose is entirely for Neal's protection. For someone so accused of being inept with children and emotions, Peter's love, physical affection, and interest in Neal says otherwise.

For Neal, he doesn't just crave Peter's attention but genuinely looks up to him with the same reverence a child has for his father. Despite his defiant moments, Neal is quite submissive to Peter, but not in an unhealthy or derogatory way. When he's really conflicted on something- like flying off with Kate or Mozzie- he avoids Peter because he's the one he just can't say goodbye to and who can talk him out of things. No matter how many insanely dangerous situations Neal survives, earnest anxiety only kicks in when Peter is harmed or unhappy with him. Whenever he's about to be reprimanded, Neal always resembles a small boy dreading punishment. When Peter is disappointed in his CI, Neal tries to atone with good behavior, gifts, or simply by being adorable. He also takes opportunities to emulate Peter such as taking over his office chair, coveting his Quantico pen, or mimicking his mannerisms.

When Neal is upset with Peter, he doesn't get loud and argumentative. His petulance is displayed through stubborn silence and passive aggressive remarks. It also never lasts very long because at the end of the day, he knows Peter only has his best interests in mind. He almost never pulls the 'but I'm an adult' card, either. He loves working with and being around Peter. None of his successful heists fill him with self-esteem the way the smallest compliment from the agent does. As much as he plays the peacock, Neal carries a lot of self-loathing.

On Peter's part, being there for Neal is an instinct seemingly out of his control. Neal isn't his biological offspring, but there is this almost divine designed unbreakable link between them. Peter has a huge radar where Neal is concerned and needs very little time to piece together his CI's schemes and rationalizations. He claims to keep Neal closely monitored to prevent him from having a criminal relapse, but I'll never believe that's the full reason. Peter is only ever comfortable leaving him in the care of his team. Whenever Neal works with another agent, Peter acts like a parent on predator alert. In season three, when Neal muses about going away to college if he's released, Peter shuts that train of thought right down. He claims it's because he's still deciding about the sentencing, but it's obvious he knows Neal is a kid unprepared to be on his own yet. Nope, to him, Neal is better off settling down with Sara Ellis, right there in New York so Peter can watch his grandkids grow up. He also senses when Neal is spiraling, like the anxiety attacks after Kate died or calling him out of the blue- unaware Neal has broken into his house- to tell him he deserves to be happy and he'll always be there for him.

As stern and suspicious as he can be, Peter receives a unique joy being around Neal. He really does consider him smart, talented, adorable, and precious. Neal's impish moments around the office only make him smile. Peter offers Neal gentle touches without provocation, as if he can detect his touch starvation. His tendency to do this in season three seemed to be a subconscious means of re-enforcing their familial tie despite the fallout from the nazi treasure.

There's another thing about the third season. After months of hiding the treasure along with it resulting in Elizabeth's kidnapping, I thought it would take a long arc for Peter to even look at Neal without disgust. Wow has a theory of mine never been more wrong. Immediately after those game-changing events, Peter acts like a displeased father to a son who stole the car over the weekend to take his buddies to a concert. While undercover, he refers to Neal as his bright but impulsive son. He even describes Neal's crimes as misbehaving. These implications lead me to believe that while Peter keeps him out of prison, Neal faces actual consequences in private between the two of them.

Neal claims at one point that Peter would not have been able to save him if they met when Neal was a teenager. All evidence makes that pretty unbelievable. A mere couple of years working with Peter has such a profound affect alone. There's no way teen foster child Neal would not have gone to college then straight into the FBI to join Dad's team.

It was pretty out of character for Peter- naturally so possessive of the kid- to encourage Neal to give wanted rogue cop and deadbeat dad James a chance. But I'll let that go due to how events unfolded. It was like watching the major flaw in open adoptions. The biological parent pops in to talk about some superficial similarities while the adoptive parent continues to do all the work. Why was James so useless when Neal got sassy at the dinner table? Where was James with a pickle juice remedy for the hangover HE caused Neal to fall into?! Did James survive an attempted vehicular assassination only to refuse to stop helping Neal get answers?!! No, all of that and more was Peter, Peter, PETER! Even Neal told that blue-eyed bum that Peter is his real father. And James almost HIT Neal for trying to stop him from leaving. Neal tried to furiously fight Peter in boxing and he only reacted by trying to calm the kid down.

In all honesty, 30-something Neal got appropriate closure from his jacked up past. The heroic father he believed in turned out to be a myth. Throughout the series, Neal describes Peter to others as this steadfast, all-knowing, dependable force of nature he can always count on. This real heroic father he acquires much later finally gave him a wonderful example of what a man should be.

Up next: Baby Harvey 👱💓

[unwrittenlibrary]

be still my foolish heart (don’t ruin this on me)

Summary: bucky barnes doesn’t have very many people left in his life who care, but he has you... or; five times you and bucky show your love & the one time you finally say it. (bucky x fem!reader)

Words: 4.3K

Warnings: fluff & pining. no major spoilers of tfatws. 

Notes: hi! i was going to try and maintain separate accounts to keep my writing organized, but i am lazy and can’t switch back and forth all the time. so! here’s to me now being a multific blog! i hope this does not upset my current followers (and maybe brings some new ones in) this was originally posted my ao3 . happy reading! 

I.

You’re the only person who calls him James. It fluctuates between Buck and James, but either way, you’re the only person allowed to call him either.

He thinks his name just sounds so pretty coming from your mouth. He doesn’t want to hear anything else. Doesn’t really want you to call him Bucky because then it won’t sound right when anybody else does.

So you’re the only person that calls him James. The only person he lets call him James.

“James.” You say softly as he falls onto your couch. He’s got a black eye and a busted lip and he knows there’s nothing he can say to quell your worry. So he settles with a smile that causes a wince that makes you let out a breathless laugh. “I told you to be more careful.”

You sit on your coffee table across from him and lean forward with the washcloth in your hand. His eyes fall to his lap and he nods. “You should see the other guy.”

You shake your head tensely as you gently wipe at the dried blood carefully to avoid the bruise still forming. “James. I’m serious. You’re not invincible.” He raises an eyebrow and you sigh. “You may be a super soldier, but you can still get hurt. I hate seeing you hurt.”

You lean back and drop the cloth onto the table next to you. “I know, doll.” You shake your head at the nickname and he smiles. You had told him you thought it was corny, but as long as you called him James, he would call you doll.

And he knew you secretly liked the nickname.

The same way you knew he secretly liked to hear his name when you said it.

“I have some vaseline in the bathroom. We can put it on your lip and then you need to get some sleep.” You pull him by his hand down your hall.

He glances out the window of your bedroom before you pull him into the bathroom. “I don’t need to sleep, the sun is still out.” He says quietly as you search through your cabinet.

You look up sharply. “You need sleep. I’ll be right here, okay?” You stand up straight and lift some vaseline with a q-tip. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.” Your eyes focus in as you gently apply the vaseline to Bucky’s lip.

He has to force himself not to smile. The cut will be gone by tomorrow and this will have been all for naught as it won’t affect how it heals. He appreciates the comfort it gives him. He relishes in the warmth that came with your care and love for your friends.

You step away with a proud smile. “I think I’m supposed to do the protecting, doll.” He says quietly. He desperately wants to reach his hands out and settle them on your waist.

Feel the warmth through your worn out sweatshirt and pull you close. But he doesn’t, afraid of something but unsure of what exactly, so he smiles graciously.

“We protect each other, James. In different ways.” You say just as quietly.

It’s all Bucky needs to get a couple comfortable hours of sleep in your room.

II.

He calls you every night. Or at least he tries to when he’s not in DC. Sometimes they’re so busy he doesn’t get the chance.

Tonight was one of those nights. He stares desperately down at his phone, urging the time to change so it was earlier in the night. He couldn’t call now. Not in the middle of the night when he knew you were asleep.

“You gonna go to bed?” Sam asks quietly from his spot in the living room. He’s been sitting silently with Bucky since they returned to the hotel, but Bucky could tell he was exhausted.

Bucky nods. “I’ll sleep out here.” He says quietly and unwilling to claim a bed. He couldn’t sleep in one for a full night, he could barely nap in yours when you forced him to rest.

Sam frowns and they both know he understands Bucky’s fear of the too big and too soft bed sitting empty in the other room. But the man nods before disappearing into his room and shutting the door behind him.

Bucky rests his head against the back of the couch and begins to take deep breaths. His phone vibrates in his hand and his eyes widen when he sees your name flash across the screen.

He doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Doll? What’s got you up so late?”

You laugh quietly. “Just knew you needed me.” You say after a moment of silence. “We’ve got that telepathy. I know things.”

Bucky laughs softly. “Yeah? You just knew?” He finds himself believing your words, even though he knows the more likely scenario is that you couldn’t sleep either.

You sigh into the phone and Bucky shuts his eyes again. “Sam texted me, but I was already awake. I switched shifts with the night nurse today, so I’ll be awake all night.”

“You know you don’t have to call when you’re at work.” Bucky says quietly. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

You laugh. “I have a few minutes to myself while the other nurse mans the station. Most of the kids are asleep, so I can spare some time for you. Especially when you need me.”

Bucky nods for a second before realizing you wouldn’t be able to see it. “Thank you.”

“What’s wrong, James?” You ask in a whisper. He listens for a moment as you take a sip of something, probably your water, before deciding to answer.

“This is longer than I thought I’d be gone…” He trails off. Him and Sam were originally only supposed to be in New York for a few days, a week tops, but this mission had dragged on and it had already been almost two weeks. “I…” He trails off.

He missed home. Something he’d never thought he’d think of DC as. Brooklyn had been his home and he was only a bridge away. Brooklyn had been his home. Steve. Wakanda for a short period of time.

But Steve was gone. And he was no longer recovering under the Wakandans graceful care. Brooklyn was a distant memory and DC… Well DC had you. And at some point you had become home for him.

“I know.” You say quietly, like you understand his silence. You do, he supposes. You understand almost every part of him. You understand that he missed you and home , but that he still struggles to admit his feelings. “I miss you too, James.”

He doesn’t say anything in response, but he doesn’t really have a chance to. He hears a siren in the background then you rush out, “Shit. I have to go!” Then all that’s there is a dial tone. Bucky smiles though. You’re off to be a different kind of hero.

He sits in silence and lets your words wash over him. It was new having all these people who cared about him. Decades all alone and treated as a weapon made learning to let people in again a new kind of difficult.

But it didn’t feel as hard with you there to help, he thinks

III.

He has to force himself to keep his eyes open. His nightmares had been particularly awful this week, and now he was sitting beside your heavily asleep body.

He was stuck staring at the repeating trailer on the netflix screen. Logically, he knows he could close his eyes and rest his head against yours on his shoulder.

But he was terrified a nightmare would take over and he would wake you up with a jolt, or worse hurt you if it was particularly awful.  

So, he forces himself to stay awake and watches the movie trailer again. He thinks you would like the movie.

“Buck.” You mutter tiredly. His eyes snap to you and he finds your eyes open and staring up at him. “Aren’t you tired?”

He shakes his head gently, careful to not move you. You narrow your eyes and slowly sit up. “Come on, let’s go to bed. You can stay here tonight.”

Bucky hesitates as you stand. He watches as you stretch your entire body and has to force his eyes to his lap when your shirt rides up and your stomach shows.

He had never spent the night at your place. He had spent all day. Even napped at your place often when he came over in the afternoon and you forced him to rest.

He always left before you went to sleep though. So he could suffer through his dreams on his own. So he didn’t drag you down.

You look down at him with soft eyes. “Grab some water. I’ll be in my room, okay?”

“I can go home. I don’t want to intrude.” He answers. Bucky looks out your window and sees just how dark and dead the streets outside were. It wasn’t like he had anything to worry about walking home.

You’re shaking your head before he can even finish. “It’s late and you’re tired, I don’t want you getting hurt. Stay here.” The words are quiet but hold a fierceness that Bucky knows not to argue against.

He nods. “I’m gonna grab some water then.” The nerves coiling around his stomach is almost worth it when your face lights up and you nod excitedly.

The two of you split up in the hall. You moving towards your bedroom and him into the kitchen. After pouring a glass of water, he stands still for a moment and just studies the room.

Your counter is crowded. Different appliances pushed against the wall, ready to be pulled out and plugged in whenever you wanted. A utensil holder stuffed to the brim with spoons and spatulas that seemed to keep appearing. Mail piling up on the counter. A scrub top draped over the back of one of your barstools.

Your kitchen was crowded, but lived in and so very you that Bucky loved it. He loved you, he thinks almost hesitantly.

He pushes the thought to the back of his mind when you call his name out. He knew he cared about you deeply and he loved you as a friend but this feeling in his chest and the speed of his heartbeat makes him think maybe he’s started to feel more. Or maybe he always has.

He doesn’t want to ruin this though. So he pushes the thought away and makes his way towards your room. “I can sleep on the…” His words die on his tongue when he sees the small set up of blankets and pillows beside your bed.

You’re watching him nervously as you try to gauge his reaction. Bucky is stuck standing in stunned silence as he looks it over.

You’ve pulled out a thin duvet and placed it on the ground with extra pillows and blankets for him to lay on. “I remember Sam mentioning soldiers have a tough time sleeping through the night in a bed. Obviously you can sleep in the bed if you want but I just figured that…” You trail off and gesture towards the makeshift bed with a small flourish.

“This is…” He trails off. The warmth in his chest grows with each passing second and his heart races. “Thank you. This is perfect.”

A smile spreads across your face. “Good. Good. I was… I’m glad. And I’m right here if you need me. To protect you.” You say with a teasing glance as you crawl into the bed.

You lay on the side closest to where you’ve set up the floor for him. He laughs softly before moving towards his own space.

He’s still nervous to sleep in the same room. Still feels a little self conscious as he lays his head on the pillow and pulls the light blanket over him. But you don’t seem to really mind his presence as you make yourself comfortable above him.

He takes a deep breath. He definitely loved you.

And things like this gave him hope that you did, or maybe could, love him too.

Later that night he jolts awake with heavy breaths and you look down at him with worried eyes. He shakes his head when you open your mouth not wanting to talk about the dream.

It’s the same thing every time. People that he hurt who didn’t deserve it. The pain of his memories being erased. And he doesn’t want to weigh you down with his trauma anymore than he already has.

You watch him for a moment before nodding silently. Bucky thinks that’s the end of it but he’s shocked when your hand falls off the side of the bed palm open.

He glances up at you and you smile gently but say nothing. He reaches his right hand up and interlocks his fingers with yours.

It’s a little awkward and his arm tenses after a few minutes but it’s far too comforting for him to want to let go. Your hand tightens in his and Bucky finds it easier to fall asleep his hand intertwined with yours.

IV.

Bucky felt awkward in the hospital. He felt too hard and intimidating to be standing in the center of the pediatric ward waiting for you in your teddy bear scrub top and white bottoms.

“Excuse me?” He glances down when he feels a tug on his hand. There’s a young boy standing in front of him with wide eyes. “You’re friends with Captain America?”

Bucky hesitates for a moment before answering. “Yes.” He settles on saying as gently as he can.

He glances around in search of you. He had texted you when he arrived at the hospital and you had responded with a thumbs up, but he was assuming you had gotten busy in the time in between.

The boy squeals excitedly. “Is he here too? Can I meet him?”

Bucky shakes his head softly and kneels to be at eye level with the boy. “He’s home with his family.” When his eyes begin to water and his lip pouts, Bucky begins to panic. “But! I’m sure he’d love to visit soon! I can bring him! What’s your name?”

“Riley!” He looks up at the sound of your voice. A large smile spreads across your face at the sight of Bucky kneeling before the kid.  You say something to the nurse beside you before rushing down the hall towards them.

“Riley.” You place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “What are you doing out of bed? You’re supposed to be in bed.” You look down with imploring eyes and the young boy looks away with an embarrassed smile.

“But! It’s Bucky! He’s Captain America’s sidekick.” Bucky’s mouth falls open in shock at the boy's statement.

“Sidekick?” Bucky asks in an offended tone. “Well-“ He cuts himself off when you look at him with exasperated eyes.

“And he said he would bring Captain America in! To meet me!” The boy's excitement obviously leaves him ignorant of Bucky's offense at being called a sidekick.

“And I’m sure he will. But right now you should be in bed.” You say sternly. The boy nods dejectedly and allows you to lead him back into his room.

When you come back out a large smile spreads across your face at the sight of Bucky standing and wiping his hand against his pants.

He can’t help but reciprocate the same large smile. He drops the bag in his hand on the counter beside him and opens his arms as you slam into him with your arms around his waist.

“Thank you so much! I thought my night was ruined!” You pull away but don’t let go as you smile up at him. “We can eat in the cafeteria.”

You grab the bag before he gets the chance to. You turn to the nurse that was sitting and going through charts next to you and with a big grin say, “Page me if you need me, I’ll be in the cafeteria!”

The woman nods with a soft laugh before looking down at the computer. You take Bucky’s hand in yours and begin to pull him towards the elevator.

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this. I know hospitals aren’t your thing.” You say quietly as the two of you step in. You lean away and press the two button.

Bucky thinks for a moment that you’re going to let go of his hand now that you’re not leading him anywhere but you don’t. Bucky smiles at the thought of this becoming a normal occurrence.

Your hand just felt right in his.

“Anything for you, doll.” He says quietly. He glances at you quickly before looking back at the descending numbers. “You’re my best girl.”

You nudge him with your shoulder as you laugh quietly. “That sounds like a line right out of the forties.”

Heat rises to Bucky’s cheeks but he laughs along. “You can take the man out of the forties but you can't take the forties out of the man.”

The two of you look at each other before you both burst out laughing. When the elevator stops on your designated floor you pull him out with you.

“As long as I get to be on the end of all that forties charm, I don’t mind a bit.” You lean into his side and smile brightly.

Bucky looks away as his cheeks turn an even brighter red. You giggle quietly when he looks back down at you. “Yeah. It’s always you at the end of it.”

The two of you look at each other for a moment before you pull him into a crowded cafeteria. “Let’s eat before I’m paged back to my floor.”

V.

Bucky had grown more comfortable around you the longer you knew each other, but he still struggled to be fully comfortable with his arm.

It was a different arm, Steve had said once what felt like forever ago. He had rationalized with Bucky. His other arm had been attached to him and forced on him as a weapon. This arm had been made for him with peace in mind. It was untarnished. Mostly.

But a different arm didn’t change much for him. He had still caused so much pain with it. Was it really that different at all? His arm had always and will always be looked at as a weapon.

So he still wore long sleeves and a glove most of the time. Rarely let you see his biggest shame. You usually didn’t push. Sat on his right side. Held his right hand. You rarely said anything about it, it was almost like it didn't exist.

But, curiosity won out sometimes.

“Why won’t you let me see your arm?” You ask quietly one night. He’s sitting on one of your bar stools as you mix a pasta sauce in front of him.

It had been silent most of the night. You insisted on cooking your famous (at least that’s what you called it) pasta dish after not seeing him for a few days as a welcome home.  

Bucky looks up at you with shocked eyes. You had never mentioned wanting to see his arm. He had assumed you didn’t want to.

“I… I don’t know.” He says quietly. He taps his fingers, his flesh fingers, against the counter top nervously. You watch him with hopeful eyes waiting for a real answer to the question. “I guess it’s easy to pretend it’s not there when someone’s never really seen it.”

“Hm.” You mumble in response. You step away from the stovetop and move towards him. “Why would you want to pretend it doesn’t exist? It’s a part of you.”

Bucky looks down at the gloved hand in his lap. “Doll… It’s not… It’s an ugly part of me. Dark and violent. And when I’m with you I get to pretend I’m not that.”

You come to stand in front of him. “There are no ugly parts of you. There’s you. There’s dark and there’s hurt and traumatized parts, but no part of you is ugly. Because on the other end of those there’s bright and happy and healing. Growth. James Buchanan Barnes, I can’t emphasize how beautiful I think you are.”

You raise your hand to rest it against his cheek and force him to look up at you. He shuts his eyes and leans into it. “And I’d really like to see your arm. To know that part of you too, but I won’t make you show me. I want you to show me on your own time.”

Bucky lets himself relish in the softness of your hand against his cheek before leaning away. “Okay…” He takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

He begins to shrug out of his jacket when your hand comes to rest on his right shoulder. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I need you to know that.” You say quietly.

Bucky gives you a small smile. “I know… Doll, you’re the person I trust most in the world. I want you to know me. All of me.”

You smile down at him and take a step back to give him space. Bucky shrugs the jacket off quickly before he can second guess himself. The glove comes off next and Bucky feels strangely naked as your eyes trace over him.

“Buck…” You trail off. Your hand comes up before pausing. You look up at him with questioning eyes and he nods. Your hand comes to rest on his shoulder and you raise his sleeve up a tiny bit to look at the scars that litter his shoulder.

Bucky rarely looked at the scars there. Decades of the arm built by HYDRA had destroyed so much of his skin it had taken forever for Shuri to properly fix and build his new arm.

Your hand moves from his shoulder to the metal arm and your fingers trace over the plates and move through the lines of gold. You move your hand in silence. Slowly taking in the creation.

“This is beautiful.” You finally say quietly as your hand meets his. You interlock his metal fingers in yours and he pulls you closer. You look down at him with a sincere smile. “How could you ever think this is anything but beautiful?” You ask quietly.

Your other hand comes to rest on his cheek again. Bucky looks up at you and sees a flurry of emotions flicker in your eyes.

Part of him wants to pull you down and kiss you senseless. Show you how much he appreciates your never ending warmth.

But he can’t bring himself to ruin the moment. Finds that he doesn’t really want to. He enjoys being here intertwined with you.

And I.

He doesn’t hide his arm from you anymore. Finds himself shedding his jacket and gloves the second he’s inside your apartment.

You don’t really say anything, but he’s noticed the smile on your face whenever you notice him in his short sleeve shirt. He thinks one day he’ll be ready to go out without gloves on. He’ll wear short sleeves out in the summer instead of covering up with the jacket.

But now with you, it feels like progress enough.

You sit on his left most of the time now, like tonight, and hold his metal hand in yours like it’s flesh. It had taken some getting used to. He had flinched away the first time you’d done it, but now it felt almost like habit.

You didn’t seem to think leaning against his metal arm was uncomfortable at all. Never showed signs of discomfort when your head rested against his shoulder.

“I love you.” You say quietly. So quietly Bucky almost doesn’t hear it. He freezes for a moment before swallowing and nodding. He assumes you mean the words as a friend, he had heard you say them to Sam and your other friends from work.

“Me too.” He says just as quietly. He’s sure if he says the actual words you’ll see just how much he means them. How terribly in love with you he is.

But that doesn’t seem good enough because you sit up and place a gentle hand on his cheek that forces him to look you in the eyes.

“James, I love you.” You say the words with so much passion that Bucky knows without hesitation that you mean you’re in love with him. That you loved him as more than a friend.

Tears gather in his eyes as he nods. “I love you too, doll.” He laughs wetly as a smile spreads across your face. “God. I love you so fucking much it’s scary.”

You laugh too. “Good. I was so fucking scared. Buck, you’re my best friend. I… I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Bucky’s hand moves from his lap to your cheek before landing behind your neck. He pulls you in and when he kisses you and you kiss back he thinks he finally understands how much you love him.

Moments flash in his mind as you crawl onto his lap so you’re straddling him. Your constant patience with him. The gentle way you say his first name. The bright smiles and great excitement.

The ability to see the beauty in him.

You pull away with a deep breath and begin peppering kisses across his face. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” You say quietly.

Bucky shuts his eyes as he relishes in your affection. “I love you too.” He murmurs. You had become his home.

Somebody who could mend the crack caused by Steve’s departure. Different aspects of his life, yes, but you had helped him heal nonetheless.

He loved you.

And you loved him. You always had. It had just taken Bucky some time to understand how you showed it.

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

My Tasha

Word count: 7334

Genre: Mostly angst but the ending is fluffy

Pairing: Natasha x fem!reader

Warnings: A sort of suggestive scene? I think that's all (let me know if I need to add any)

Request: congrats on those 500’ love!!! they are well deserved for all of your amazing words 🥺 i was just thinking how cute it be for nat to take a liking to reader, so she tries all those “seductive” tricks the red room taught her, but r just reads it as a cocky fuckboy thing and rejects her? soft!nat appearing later to ask her out? 🥺

Summary: Natasha tries to seduce you at a party but you misunderstand, assuming she's just using you. Both of you mope before realizing what happened.

A/n: Finally I finished this! It was supposed to be 2000 words max but I got carried away and @teenwonder I blame you since you were the one who sent in this idea. I actually really like how this turned out, even if it differs from the prompt slightly so I hope you guys like it too because this probably took at least ten hours to write and I have lost way too much sleep over it. Enjoy!

Natasha looks in the mirror and lifts the corner of her mouth into a slight smile. She looks hot and she knows it, spending hours in front of the mirror perfecting the look. Her eyeshadow screams seduction and her lipstick highlights and colours the natural shape of her lips. Her lashes are curled to perfection and her makeup is applied with the technique she learned years ago that was guaranteed to make people stare. Her hair is straightened because it matches the look and also the last time she straightened it you had complimented her hair so she knows you like it.

Her dress is black, the colour that looks best on her, with a neckline that is dangerously low and the bottom riding dangerously high on her thigh. Her heels are her go to ones for anytime she wants to seduce anyone, they manage to work every time and have become a small symbol of luck for her and tonight she needs all the luck she can get for tonight’s party.

Usually people are easy to seduce, she just has to figure out the likes and dislikes of her target and play up to them. Tonight shouldn’t be much different except for the big added aspect of her actually caring. She’s never had to seduce someone she’s wanted to before so she knows it’s going to be harder than normal. Taking a deep breath she pushes the nerves away and smirks at her own reflection before going to meet everyone in the main room.

Your breath hitches when she walks in and you quickly look away so it doesn’t seem like you’ve been waiting for her arrival. She’s gorgeous, she always is, but tonight there’s something about her that’s different, like she put more effort than usual. You force yourself to stay calm and look away, pretending to still be interested in the conversation you had been having with Carol that you zoned out of the moment Natasha entered the room.

Carol’s looking at you strangely. “What?”

She gives a half laugh. “You think I didn’t notice you drooling over Natasha.”

“That obvious?” you ask and she nods. “Damn.”

“Damn is right, she’s smoking!” Carol whisper-yells, glancing over quickly and then back to you.

“Carol!” you exclaim aghast.

She laughs again. “Don’t worry I’m not trying to steal your girl, after all I have Valkyrie.”

“Yes and you constantly remind me of that.” you mumble which she ignores.

“I’m just saying that some people are already staring at her and are going to be all over her soon, you need to make your move quickly.” she finishes.

“I will.” you tell her, with no real intention of going to talk to her.

“Sure you will,” she says quietly at first before yelling in Natasha’s direction, “Hey Romanoff! Come here.”

Natasha is surprised and she hopes Carol isn’t calling her over because she noticed her staring. Logically she knows that Carol doesn’t want to date you and is dating Valkyrie but it looked far too much like flirting in her opinion. There were whispers and giggles and at one point you got all flustered and embarrassed. She doesn’t like how possessive she feels over you when she has no right to but somehow when it comes to you she can’t quite control herself.

Showing none of the inner thoughts that go through her head she weaves her way over to you. At first some of the team is staring because they got startled by Carol’s yell but a small glare gets them to look away again.

“Hey.” Carol greets when she walks over.

“Hey.” she says back with a smile and it’s not her fault if the smile is a little flirtier than normal and directed more towards where you’re standing. “What’s up?”

“I want to go find Valkyrie and see what’s taking so long for her to come back from the bar but didn’t want to leave Y/n all alone at a party and since you were alone too I thought it would be a great idea for you guys to spend the party together!” she explains quickly. “I’ll come back soon!”

With that she leaves and you and Natasha are left looking at each other awkwardly. She wants to say something to break the silence but all her earlier confidence is gone and she feels like a schoolgirl with her first crush. Which is half true, she is definitely not a schoolgirl but she’s never had feelings like this for anybody before.

“You don’t have to stay here.” you offer, feeling bad that she was forced to come here and babysit you. Carol is your best friend but sometimes you just can’t stand her. This is so uncomfortable and Natasha is looking at you weirdly and you just know that she’ll apologize and leave so she can spend the party with people who actually know how to have fun.

“I know but I want to.” she says and you can’t help looking away shyly and smiling. She smiles herself at your cuteness, now slightly more confident knowing that she can make you react like that.

---

She smirks as for the thousandth time that night you struggle to keep your gaze from dipping below her neck. The dress was a good choice and judging based on your lack of eye contact you appreciate it. She knows you find her attractive, it’s hard not to know that with you staring at her boobs every few seconds but as the night goes on she’s more and more hopefully that you want to date her. Your flushed cheeks and occasional stuttering give you away.

Some guy interrupts your conversation and she resists the urge to punch him. She doesn’t know what he’s here for and shouldn���t punch people for interrupting a conversation with a girl she really really likes (she doesn’t allow herself to consider love just yet).

“Hey beautiful.” he greets her, stepping into her space and ignoring you. Against her better judgment she does punch him and giggles as he staggers backwards muttering about bitches under his breath. Really the punch shouldn’t have affected him that much, it was light and not in an area that would cause serious injury, he was just weak.

“Holy fuck.” you whisper under your breath.

“That didn’t bother you, did it?” she rushes to confirm, not wanting to have upset you by resorting to violence. She wasn’t quite sure how to take your holy fuck, whether you meant it in a good way or not.

“It was so hot.” you breath and then immediately clamp a hand over your mouth once you’ve realized what you’ve said out loud.

You’re about to apologize but she speaks first. “Really?”

You don’t understand how she makes her voice sound so smooth and seductive but it makes your knees weak. You’re nervous but there’s no point in taking it back now and it does seem like she’s flirting with you so you continue.

“Yeah, what can I say I like strong women who don’t take shit from men.” you say, moving closer to her. You haven’t flirted very much before but judging based on how her eyes darken slightly you think it’s working.

She reaches out and runs her hand down the side of your face slowly, making you shiver. “Looks like we have the same type.”

She keeps her hand there for a second then leans in slowly, giving you time to pull away. You’re frustrated by how long it’s taking and try to take a small step towards her so you can kiss her. It doesn’t work well since you forgot you’re wearing heels and lose your balance, making her laugh, her breaths dancing over your lips. And then suddenly she’s not moving slowly anymore and her lips are on yours and it’s all you can think about. Your other senses are all dulled and you kiss her harder to prove that this is real.

After a few seconds she pulls back. “I didn’t want people to see,” she explains when she sees your pout, “hallway?”

You’re not sure if it’s even possible for you to do anything but nod and take her hand as she leads you out. Inside of taking you to the main hall she takes you to a side one that doesn’t get used often and only the avengers have access to. Glancing around again to make sure nobody notices she pulls you inside and immediately you’re kissing again.

She presses you against the wall and you grip her shoulders tightly, your nails dipping into her bare skin. When she pulls back again she notes in satisfaction that your lips are smeared with her lipstick and she applauds her choice of bright red. Inside of going back to your mouth she kisses along your jaw and your neck, the lipstick marking you. Happy with her work she moves back to your lips, humming happily at the feeling.

She likes it even more when she feels your mouth open to let her in, taking the opportunity to explore your mouth with her tongue. You let out a small whine and the noise reminds her of where you are.

“Come up to my room?” she asks, smirking. You’re about to say yes when you notice her smirk. It bugs you for some reason, it makes it seem like she’s winning some sort of prize. Breathing heavily you look more closely at her and notice her heels. It’s her seductive mission heels. And then you realize she often wears a black dress to seduce people as well. You feel like a complete idiot, she doesn’t want you for anything more than a quick fling. This was a calculated move on her part.

“No.” you tell her firmly, only able to hold back your tears due to sheer anger. You thought that you were friends, how dare she try to play with your feelings just because she knew she could. Taking advantage of her shock you push past her, running out of the hall and back into the party. You look like a disaster so as quickly as possibly to rush to the doors and leave, running to your room, thankful that everyone seems too invested in their own conversations to notice you going.

You keep running until you reach your room. It didn’t look like she was following you but you don’t want to take any chances. Flinging off your heels because they’re uncomfortable you launch yourself onto your bed and curl up, pulling the covers over your head and putting your face into a pillow. You’re probably getting her lipstick all over right now but you don’t care, you don’t have enough energy to care right now.

You berate yourself again for how stupid you are. You got so caught up in your own emotions that you didn’t even consider that it didn’t mean the same to her as it did to you. It’s so obvious in hindsight. How after one kiss she wanted to sneak away so nobody saw, her glance back at the room before you entered the hall. She wasn’t looking for a relationship that much was clear. She invited you to her bedroom, not on a date.

You try to reason with yourself to make the pain go away but it doesn’t. You weren’t super close but you considered her a friend. Apparently she didn’t consider you one if she was willing to put your friendship aside for sex. You briefly consider that maybe she didn’t know about your feelings but you shake that thought off. She’s smart and reads people easily, she knew she just didn’t care.

You hate the tears that roll down your face. You can’t tell if they’re from sadness or anger and it doesn’t matter. Nothing seems to matter right now. Sobs wrack your body harder and you scream silently into your pillow. You hate this so much, you hate crying and you wish you could hate Natasha but you can’t. You hate yourself for letting yourself get hurt like this though.

---

Natasha watches you leave. She wants to run after you but the look on your face when you pushed by her stops her. You looked so disgusted that you had just made out with her and she can feel her heart breaking into a million pieces just thinking about it. She doesn't know what she did to get it. It’s obvious that you regretted kissing her but it hurts that you seem disgusted by it.

She allows herself a few moments to stand there and try to comprehend what just went on, a single tear dripping down her face. Swallowing hard she wipes it away and takes a breath to collect herself. She makes sure her dress is straight and runs her fingers through her hair so it doesn’t look too wild.

It doesn’t really matter what she looks like, she’s planning to slip out the back of the hall, the opposite way that you went, so it’s unlikely anyone will see her but she wants to be prepared on the off chance that the halls aren’t empty. Biting her lip to stay calm she walks out the end of the hall and slowly makes her way to her room.

She feels so stupid. She’s not even mad at you for feeling disgusted she’s mad at herself. She got so caught up in her own feeling that she never stopped to think about the fact that you don’t like her back. For a moment it seemed like you did but that was probably you being too nice to say no to her.

Her heels seem to mock her as she walks up the stairs with the way they clip clop. So much for lucky heels, she’ll never be able to use them again without remembering how badly she failed. She tugs on her dress from both the top and the bottom, trying to pull it longer in both directions. She felt so confident in it earlier in the mirror and especially when she caught you staring but now she just feels dirty and slutty.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” she mutters out loud to herself when she finally gets to her room. Looking in her mirror upon entry only makes things worse. She’s lucky that she didn’t see anyone in the halls because even after her attempts at cleaning up she looks like a mess. Her makeup is smudged all over and she can see the upset written plainly on her face.

Usually it’s easy to hide her emotions but usually she doesn’t feel such strong ones. You make her feel and she hates it. Only earlier today she loved that you made her feel. She loved the way her heart fluttered thinking about you and how she wasn’t always perfectly composed. You made her feel normal. But now she hates the way her heart betrays her, happy at even the thought of you.

Her only option right now is to forget and she thanks herself for always keeping a bottle of vodka in her room. A bad habit perhaps, but she rarely drinks from it and it is perfect for this situation. Drinking doesn’t help much, even after a while the hurt is still fresh in her mind, but it stops her from overthinking. When she eventually leaves the bottle and slips into bed it’s nobody’s business but hers if she cries herself to sleep.

---

You bury yourself deeper into your covers when you hear knocks at your door, hoping that whoever it is will go away soon.

“Y/n open up!” you hear Carol shout, still pounding on the door. “Unless Natasha’s with you, don’t think I didn’t notice you left the party earlier.”

Carol’s mention of Natasha makes a lump form in your throat and suddenly you feel the sudden urge to take a shower and wash all of her off you. You must have stayed silent for too long because Carol’s knocking stops and she speaks again.

“If you don’t say anything in five seconds I’m coming in.” she tells you.

You don’t know if you want her here or not. Carol is always good at making you cheer up but you feel embarrassed to tell anybody what happened.

“Four.”

Carol would understand though, she’s never been one to judge people for things and she was the one who helped push you towards Natasha, telling you she liked you back.

“Three.”

You realize that Natasha’s lipstick is still all over you and you’re still wearing the dress from last night. It’s too late to fix the clothes but you try to wipe the lipstick from your neck as quickly as possible (spoiler, it doesn’t go very well).

“Two.”

You’re still not sure if you want her to come in so you open your mouth to try to tell her to go away but the lump in your throat prevents you from speaking.

“One, I’m coming in now.” she says, opening the door. “Is that Natasha’s lipstick?”

It’s too much and you get overwhelmed, bursting into tears. Her grin of triumph from when she saw the lipstick quickly disappears and she rushes over to comfort you, wrapping you in a big hug.

“Do I have to kill her?” she asks, when you’ve calmed down a little bit. If you didn’t know Carol enough to know she’s actually a huge softy you would think she is dead serious.

“No,” you tell her, managing a weak smile at how quickly Carol comes to your defense.

“Are you sure?” she asks. “You have her lipstick all over you and you’re crying because of her. What did she do wrong?”

“It’s not her fault,” you protest. Natasha and Carol are friends and you don’t want them to stop being close because of you.

“It’s not her fault you’re crying?” Carol asks skeptically.

“I-um, she,” you stumble over your words because technically it is her fault you’re crying. “She didn’t mean to.” you finally settle on saying.

Carol doesn’t look any happier with the situation than she did before. “Please tell me what happened Y/n so I can go beat her up for you. Did she try to force herself on you or do anything you didn’t want?”

“No.” you say, shaking your head. Natasha may have only been looking for a one night stand or short fling but you can confidently say that she would never do that.

“Okay, then what did she do to make you so upset? It doesn’t look like she rejected you.” Carol is both stubborn and curious and you sigh knowing you’re not going to be able to get out of this conversation without telling her what happened.

“At first it was really nice, we were talking and then we were kissing. But then-” you pause and take a deep breath as Carol rubs a hand comfortingly on your back. “But then she asked if I wanted to go up to her room.” you pause again, trying not to cry for the second time this morning.

“What did you say?” Carol asks softly, knowing this is hard for you.

“I almost said yes, I was planning to say yes,” you tell her, “but then I looked down at her heels.”

“Her heels?”

“She was wearing the heels she always wears for missions where she has to seduce shady old men.” you explain. “And her dress seemed different than normal, like one she’d wear on a mission and she was smirking at me, like she got exactly what she wanted.”

“She treated you like a mission.” Carol states, a hard look in her eye. “That bitch.”

“Carol,” you warn, “you’re her friend too.”

“And as her friend I’m going to give her some friendly advice.” She emphasizes the word friendly giving the impression that it wasn’t going to be friendly at all.

“It will only make things worse.” you tell her. “I just want to forget about it.”

Carol keeps the hard look but softens a little, smiling at you. “Okay, whatever you want. We could spend the day watching movies and eating ice cream?”

“Okay.” you tell her. You’ve never been heartbroken before but you’ve seen movies and apparently this is what everyone does.

“I’ll go get the ice cream while you pick a movie.” she tells you, standing up. “I’ll even watch a disney one if you’d like.”

You give a halfhearted cheer, trying to convince Carol that you’re excited. She frowns as she leaves the room, that cheer was obviously fake. Any other time and you would be beyond happy that she was agreeing to watch Disney movies with you, you’ve been begging her to for almost a year. She can’t help but feel anger at Natasha and anger at herself. Anger at Natasha for playing with your feelings but anger at herself for pushing you to be with Natasha. She should have realized Natasha wouldn’t treat you right but she was so caught up in trying to pair you together that she didn’t see it.

---

Natasha wakes up as normal, feeling a headache forming already. Glancing towards her alarm clock she sits up in shock when she reads how late it is. She’s never in bed after noon. She groans when she realizes sitting up that quickly was not a good idea and makes her feel nauseous. She takes a few breaths, in and out, to calm herself and tries to remember why she drank so much. She was upset, she remembers that. She was upset because her plan didn’t work.

She feels a sharp pain in her heart when her mental blocks seem to go away and she remembers everything that happened, how the night had been going so perfectly and she had felt so happy only for it to all come crashing down when you ran away, disgusted that you kissed her.

“Stupid.” she tells herself, getting out of bed. She reminds herself of that as she goes about her normal morning routine, washing her face, brushing her teeth and getting dressed. She was so stupid to risk your friendship for something more, now it would be a miracle if you still wanted to be around her. Even if it hurt to pretend you hadn’t kissed she would go back to being friends with you in an instant if you still wanted her. She tries not to think about how big of an if that is.

When she is presentable she decides to head down the kitchen and grab some food. It’s been awhile since she last ate and there’s no use in trying to hide away and avoid her problems; she will either see you and have to confront them or you won’t be there. She knows that hiding away will only make things worse and appear weak, if she leaves her room and pretends everything is normal it will make her seem less hurt than she is.

“Hi Natasha.” Tony says in a weird voice when she enters the kitchen, waggling his eyebrows. She does her best not to show her obvious disappointment that almost everybody is here. The one upside is that you’re not.

“Hi Tony.” she says tiredly, walking over to grab a piece of bread and plopping it in the toaster.

“So Natasha,” he starts, oblivious to her unrelaxed mood, “how was last night?”

Natasha whips around lightning fast, staring at him. “What do you mean?”

He couldn’t possibly have heard, could he? She had hoped to talk to you before word got out about the rejection, to try to keep it on the down-low because the guys would never let her live it down. She assumed you wouldn’t tell anyone but you did leave the hall in the direction of the party so maybe you decided to stay.

“I mean with Y/n.” he says casually as Natasha fights to keep a straight face as her heart beats wildly in her chest. “Don’t think we didn’t notice how you both left early.”

Natasha lets out an almost unnoticeable sigh of relief. He didn’t know anything important.

“Well that may be the case but I can assure you nothing happened.” she tells him.

“Then where is she now?” Tony challenges.

“I don’t know, if you haven’t seen her she’s probably in her room.” Natasha responds smoothly. It’s just her luck that after being rejected by the girl of her dreams Tony thinks they got together.

“And where were you?”

Natasha gives him a deadpan stare. “My own room.”

He scoffs. “First of all you could be lying to us, I know you spies are good at that. But if you aren’t you need to get some balls and ask her out already.”

Natasha scowls. “A man’s balls are the weakest part of his body, I am good without them.”

Tony has enough self preservation to step back for a second. Natasha lets him think that her annoyance is solely over his sexist statement but really it wasn’t that bad and she’s just upset that she can’t have you so she really doesn’t want to be talking about asking you out.

“You should.” Clint speaks up.

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Not you too.”

“See Clint agrees with me and I bet the others do too.” Tony says smugly. Natasha lets her eyes move slowly around the room and one but one they all look away when she catches their eye, showing her that while they are too nervous to outright say it, Tony is right and they do agree.

“I don’t care about that,” she says, “I am not and that’s the end of the story.”

“What not?” Tony persists. “You like her, you can’t deny that, so give me one good reason not to.”

“Because she wouldn’t want to and I respect that.” Natasha says calmly. Inside she feels her stomach twisting and she wants to break something. She may be good at hiding her emotions but this conversation is proving to be next to impossible.

Tony scoffs again. “There’s no way, that girl is so in love with you it’s ridiculous.”

“What’s ridiculous is that you assume things about other people and can’t let this go.” Natasha tells him icily. “You don’t know what she’d say.”

“Then you don’t know either.” Tony counters.

“Then why did she say no when I asked her out last night?” Natasha snaps at him. There are gasps all around the room and to her mortification she is barely holding in the tears that spring to her eyes.

“What?” Sam asks in disbelief.

“I asked her out, she said no and that’s that.” Natasha explains, trying to keep her composure but failing when a tear falls down her cheek. “Excuse me.”

She hurries out of the room, no longer able to handle the talk of asking you out and the disbelieving stares. As she gets back to her room and lies in bed once more she notes in annoyance that she never got her toast. Not that she’s hungry anymore anyway. She doesn’t feel anything anymore except sadness and emptiness. She knew her feelings for you were strong but now that she knows for sure that you don’t want her they feel even stronger and it makes her realize just how much this meant to her and how much she lost.

---

“Hey.” Carol greets as she walks in the kitchen and heads straight for the freezer.

“Morning Carol.” Bruce says, looking shocked when he sees the amount of ice cream she’s holding. “Ice cream for breakfast?”

“It’s for Y/n.” Carol explains.

Tony’s expression turns dark. “What on earth does she need it for?”

“Girl problems, also known as none of your business.” Carols says, in an admittedly sassy voice.

Tony glares. “By girl problems do you mean what happened with Romanoff last night.”

He may tease Natasha but she was like family to him and he would not allow your feelings to be coddled while you stomped all over hers. He doesn’t care if you feel bad for rejecting her, you had flirted and let her on for too long and feeling bad was the least you deserve.

In an instant Carol is across the kitchen and inches from his face. “How do you know?”

“Hey, calm down.” Bruce says, stepping in when he notices Clint and Sam have both tensed up, presumably to defend Natasha’s honor. Even though he’s a man himself he doesn’t understand them sometimes, Natasha was more than capable of taking care of herself and starting a fight between Tony and Carol, the two most stubborn on the team, would only be a headache for weeks to come.

“How do you know?” Carol asks Bruce, thankfully stepping back from Tony.

“She was here a few minutes ago and told us.”

Carol curses under her breath. “That bitch.”

“Hey!” Clint says loudly. “If anyone is a bitch here it’s Y/n.”

“Yes because it’s all Y/n’s fault.” Carol says sarcastically.

Sam decides he’s had enough of Carol. “Yes actually, it is.”

“Bullshit.”

The three of them go back and forth with Carol, mainly cursing and getting a little off topic.

It’s when Carol calls Tony an idiot that Bruce speaks up. “You weren’t here to see Natasha cry.”

“What?” Carol turned to face Bruce, shocked. He isn’t one for petty arguments so she believes what comes out of his mouth. But why would Natasha cry? It doesn’t make sense, she was the one who broke your heart, not the other way around. “Natasha never cries.”

“Well she just did.” Tony says but it’s not in a confrontational tone anymore. He’s not sure what Carol knows but it’s obvious she didn’t know fully what happened.

“Why?”

“It was partly my fault,” Tony admits, “I was teasing her about asking out Y/n and she kept saying no and eventually snapped and told us that she did last night but Y/n rejected her.”

Carol scrunches her brow in confusion. “That’s not what Y/n told me- OHHH.”

“What?” The voice comes simultaneously from all four men at once.

“They are both idiots.” Carol says, smiling and laughing for the first time since entering the kitchen. “They are both huge idiots that don’t know shit about feelings.”

“What?” Tony asks again, wanting to know what Carol’s thinking.

“Okay I’ll tell you but don’t interrupt.” Carol warns and looks at all of them to make sure they nod in agreement. Once she is satisfied she starts. “So this morning I found Y/n in tears and covered in Natasha’s lipstick. Apparently they had fun at the party last night and then snuck away to makeout. Y/n was upset because Natasha asked her up to her room instead of on a date and she noticed that Natasha was wearing her mission heels, do you know them?”

“The ones that she uses to seduce old men for Shield?” Sam asks just to make sure.

“Yep.” Carol confirms. “So anyways Y/n is upset because she thinks that she was just some sort of challenge to Natasha so she left her there…”

“...but Natasha was actually serious about her.” Clint finishes.

Tony laughs. “They really are idiots.”

“I am definitely telling this story at their wedding and to their future kids.” Sam says, also laughing.

“Well first they need to actually talk to each other about this.” Bruce points out, lowering the happy mood of the room. “Right now they’re both in their rooms miserable and feelings like the other doesn’t want them.”

“We should get Natasha to talk to Y/n,” Carol suggests, “because I know that Y/n won’t believe us unless Natasha is the one to tell her.”

“Okay I volunteer to talk to Natasha.” Tony suggests.

“No.” Carol tells him.

“Well you’re Y/n’s best friend so she won’t want to talk to you either right now.” he counters.

“Yes but you’re also a horrible option, I think Bruce would be best for this.”

Bruce looks around the room. “Me?”

“That does make sense,” Clint agrees with Carol, “out of all of us you’re the best at calming people down and she’d be most likely to believe you quicker.”

“But-”

“No buts Brucie, don’t you want to see them together?” Tony pleads.

“Yeah come on Brucie,” Sam mocks Tony, “do it for love.”

Bruce sighs as he watches Tony pout and Sam flutter his eyelashes ridiculously. “Fine.”

“Get straight to the point,” Clint advises, “because she will kick you out if you don’t.”

“Okay.”

Bruce leaves the kitchen to head to Natasha’s room. It took ages for him to be convinced to join the avengers and every day he can’t tell if he regrets his choice or loves his choice. Certainly no other job in the world would force him to go talk to his scary assassin coworker so she and his other coworker can get together. He really isn’t paid enough for this.

A knock startles Natasha. She didn’t think anyone would come after her because she assumed they would all be too scared when she’s in a bad mood.

“Who is it?” she calls out.

“Bruce.”

“Bruce,” she sighs, “I’m sorry but I need to be alone right now, I hope you of all people can understand that.”

“No.” he responds, surprising both her and himself with how determined his voice sounds.

“Bruce-” she starts but he interrupts.

“Hear me out first Natasha,” he begs, “please.”

She thinks about it for a moment before giving up and sighing, she’s not in the mood to spend time arguing. “Fine, but you have to stay outside the door.”

“If that’s what you want.” he agrees, pausing a second to figure out how he wants to word things. “I just came back from an interesting conversation with Carol in the kitchen.” he settles on saying.

“Oh?” She tries not to think about what that means. Carol is your best friend and after her scene in the kitchen this morning she doesn’t think there would be any other reason he would bring her up.

“She was getting ice cream for Y/n because apparently she’s upset.” he offers as a means of explanation.

“Oh.” she says again and it’s so quiet she doesn’t think he heard her. “You can tell Carol that I’ll apologize to Y/n tomorrow, I need to gain control of myself first.”

She never thought about how it would be from your end of things. She forced you into more than you wanted and tried to ask you out and she selfishly focused on her own feelings when you probably were upset that she kissed you. Or you thought you would lose her as a friend. She doesn't think she is capable of talking to you without breaking down right now but in a few days she’ll be fine and able to pretend nothing changed.

“That’s not what she was upset about,” Bruce tells her, “Carol says she was upset because she thought it didn’t mean anything to you.”

“What, why?” Natasha can’t help but let her interest be taken. She doesn’t want to get her hopes up, what Bruce said could mean a lot of different things.

“I feel like I’m in middle school and there’s broken telephone being played between two crushes.” Bruce jokes.

“Bruce, tell me why.” Natasha demands. Her voice is soft but they both know if Bruce stalls any longer she’ll drop the sweet act.

“Well Carol said she said that it seemed like you were acting as if she was your mission to seduce and not like you actually wanted to be with her.” Bruce says, relaying the information.

“Crap.”

Bruce waits for Natasha to elaborate but she doesn’t say anything. “Are you okay in there?”

“Yes, thank you Bruce,” she says, “I need to go fix this, you can leave now.”

He can’t help but feel relieved as he speeds away down the hall. He is never going to do anything like that again, it was way too awkward. He still doesn’t understand how the others forced him to do this, damn his heart for being persuaded it was a good cause. The one upside is that talking to Natasha did seem to work and with any luck she’d be able to fix her mistakes with you. If she didn’t he did all this for nothing and may very well hulk out.

---

Natasha paces back and forth in her room. If Bruce was right (and she has no reason to believe he would lie) you didn’t run away because you didn’t like her, you ran away because you thought she didn’t like you. She winces when she thinks about it. Looking back she can see why you were mistaken and thought she didn’t have true feelings for you because she did treat you like a mark. She analyzed what hairstyle and dress you would like and wore her good luck heels. Even the way she talked and acted was calculated to be exactly what you’d like.

She’s stupid, so stupid and if she had just asked you out in a normal way instead of trying to seduce you she could be on a brunch date with you right now. It had never occurred to her to try it any other way, she was taught that seducing was the easiest way to get people to like you so why should it be different for a normal date? In hindsight using red room techniques to get a date is a horrible idea and she can’t believe she didn’t see it before. Maybe she hasn’t shaken off the red room ideals as much as she thought she had.

The thought scares her, her entire life upon leaving the red room has been dedicated to being a force for good, the opposite of everything the red room stood for so to realize that they still have their claws in deeper than she thought is terrifying. She takes a deep breath and tries to make it go away, which is mostly successful as the thought is reduced to the back of her mind. She can take her thoughts and analyze them later, which is another thing the red room taught her to do she notes, but right now she has to focus on the thing that’s most important, fixing her mistake.

As she walks through the halls to your room she runs through things she should say in her head but nothing sounds right. Perhaps it’s for the best though, that way you can tell she’s genuine and not performing another script. She pauses as she reaches your door, finding herself almost shaking with nerves. What if you don’t want her anymore or Bruce misunderstood or worst of all you still think she doesn’t care?

She almost turns around and goes back, unfamiliar with this type of fear but she knows that if she does all chances of fixing things and having a relationship with you will be reduced to zero. Taking a deep breath she turns the knob and pushes the door open.

You don’t look right away when you hear the door open, too lazy to care. “What took you so long, you were supposed to be back with the ice cream ages ago.”

“I-”

You spin around quickly. “You’re not Carol.”

“Nor do I have ice cream.” She tries to joke but it falls flat.

“Why are you here?” you ask and she winces. It’s blunt and straight to the point, your tone quiet but practically screaming at her to get out.

Since you got straight to the point she decides to do the same. “To ask you out.”

You must look even more shocked than you feel because she quickly jumps in to explain. “That’s what I was trying to do at the party last night, although I know you assumed that I didn’t mean it. I know you noticed the heels and I know I was smirking and it seemed like I was playing you but it really was genuine, I was just trying to do it the wrong way. I was always taught in the red room that to get people to like you romantically the best way to do that is to seduce them but obviously that is wrong and I didn’t realize until too late.”

There’s a lot of information to take in but your mind gets stuck on one question. “How do you know all that about how I felt?”

“Carol talked to Bruce who talked to me.” she says, looking slightly embarrassed at how elementary that sounds. “So?”

“So what?” You know she wants to know if you’ll go out with her for real and you really want to immediately say yes but you also want to hear her ask you properly.

She seems to understand. “Will you go on a date with me Y/n?”

You hesitate one moment before responding. It’s unnecessarily mean but you just spent a good portion of last night and this morning crying over her and besides, she looks absolutely adorable as she shifts her weight from side to side nervously. She looks exactly how you want her to look, no makeup and wearing sweatpants. It’s natural and genuine and everything you would have loved to see last night.

“Yes.”

“Oh thank god.” she laughs in relief, the pitch of it breathier than normal.

“I like it when you do that.” you tell her.

She furrows her brow, confused. “Do what?”

“When you laugh like that or wear old clothes, like you’re not trying to impress me.” you explain.

“So when I do the opposite of what I did last night?” she asks, laughing at herself for being so stupid. Of course you didn’t fall for all the acts, if you did she wouldn’t like you as much as she does. You make her feel different and that’s a good thing, she shouldn’t have to act around you.

“Yeah, don’t get me wrong last night was hot,” you tell her, “but it’s not you. That’s agent Romanoff putting on whatever mask she needs to be for the night, this here is my Tasha.”

“Your Tasha, huh,” she teases, “possessive much?”

“Sorry.”

“No,” she tells you, “I like it. I don’t need to put a mask on around you because you’re you and I am your Tasha. But you’re also mine.”

“All yours.” you confirm and she visibly shivers. “Apparently I’m not the only possessive one.”

“Apparently.” she says looking at you in a way that makes heat rise to your cheeks.

“Since we wasted time last night maybe we could start with a movie date right now?” you suggest shyly, changing the topic.

“Well we do have time to make up for.” she agrees, sitting down on the bed beside you. “What movie?”

“Mulan.” you tell her pressing the remote to drop the tv down into your room. There were definitely benefits to living with Tony.

“A disney movie?” she asks skeptically.

“Have you seen it?” you ask already knowing the answer before she shakes her head. “Then don’t knock it, it’s a great movie.”

“If you say so.” she says, still slightly skeptical but much more open to it. Even if the movie is garbage she doesn’t think she’d mind watching it with you. She definitely doesn’t mind it when your head drops onto your shoulder and you fall asleep, tired from the emotional rollercoaster you just went on. And when the movie ends she doesn’t move, happy to have you there, even when hours later her shoulder is all tense and cramped. It scares her how much she feels for you already but it also feels freeing, she knows she is not just the product of the red room because their biggest rule is to not fall in love and she’s definitely going to break that soon, if she hasn’t already.

---

Taglist: @fayhar@xxxtwilightaxelxxx@acertainredhead@madamevirgo@megaqueenmaeve@cherryblossomskye@aaron-despair@chickenhavewisdom@emril-osvigne@nyankitty987@agathaharkness-simp@midnight-lestrange@usernames-are-difficult (couldn't tag)@thewidowsghost@nyx-aira@stephanieromanoff@Satxnsupreme@likefirenrain@wlwlovesreading@natashadeservedbetter@stop-drop-and-drumroll@peggycarter-steverogers@casperlikej@redswing@mochamoff@king-star@blackbat2020

[blu-joons]

Jealous Of Yeontan ~ Kim Taehyung

As soon as you sat down in the bed, it didn’t take long for Yeontan to appear in your lap, staring up at you. A gentle chuckle came from you as your hand began to tickle against the side of his face, smiling at the way he stared at you.

“I’m laying down now, just give me a minute,” you assured him, noticing that Taehyung had already pulled the duvet back to make room for you to lay back. “Why don’t you lay on your dad whilst I get myself comfortable, how does that sound?”

“There’s no way that he’ll lay on me,” Taehyung groaned from your side.

“I forgot how much more he loves me compared to you.”

You ended up trying to lay down with Yeontan to still resting tightly in your lap. You rested your hand over him to keep him in position as you shuffled down the mattress, lifting him up so that you could pulled the duvet over your frame and get comfortable.

“Anyone would think he was your dog,” Taehyung continued to complain as he watched you both.

“He’s very much your dog,” you chuckled, smiling across to him, “you know what he’s like, he changes between the two of us all the time.”

His head shook back at you, “he’s not left your side since you moved in, I’m very much replaced these days, and it’s all thanks to you.”

Since the moment you even met Yeontan, he seemed to take a great liking to you. Every time you walked through the door; he was always there under your feet ready to receive as much attention as you could give him. Taehyung was always second best when it came to greeting the two of them which he’d quickly come to learn too.

Neither of you could remember the last night you’d spent without Yeontan not between the two of you, or the last night he spent not curled up to your side. It often ended up with Taehyung curled up by his own on one end of the bed, unable to get anywhere close to you.

As you finally began to settle, Yeontan made his way further up your chest until he was sat just under your chin, with his head up, sending a clear instruction your way. You brought your hands out from under the duvet, tickling against his cheeks as he always adored. After a few moments, you leant forwards and pressed a soft kiss against the damp kiss of your nose.

“What about me?” A voice queried from beside you, poking gently against your cheek for attention.

Your eyes rolled as you met Taehyung’s, yet again a pout had formed on his lips, a habit of his anytime he felt like he was playing second best. You raised your eyebrows back at him as his finger tapped against the tip of his nose to let you know exactly what he wanted from you.

“What do you want?” You teased, glancing innocently at the tip of his nose.

“You know exactly what I want,” he frowned, continuing to tap at the space, “there’s not just Yeontan in this room who wants your attention.”

“Who else is there?”

His mouth opened into a pout, staring at you in surprise. “Don’t tease me like this Y/N, you should share your affection equally between your two favourite boys.”

“Are you really that desperate for a kiss from me?” You questioned, shaking your head as his nodded. “Just because I gave Yeontan a kiss, you want one?”

“I want a kiss especially because you gave Yeontan one.”

You leaned across, pressing a soft kiss against the tip of his nose. Taehyung moved his hand to the back of your head to keep you there for a few moments, letting you go only once he was sure that he’d received a better kiss from you then Yeontan had.”

“I never imagined you’d be jealous of a dog,” you remarked as you pulled away from Taehyung, being able to read him as if he were a book.

“I’m not jealous,” he protested, but as he met your eyes, not even he had the energy to even try and defend how jealous he was.

Your attention was then drawn by Yeontan who curled himself around on your chest. Your hand instantly moved up to rest over the top of his head, running gently through his fur to try and help him settle beside you.

“My hair is longer than his fur,” Taehyung whispered into your ear.

You looked across at him yet again, moving your free hand to brush over the top of his head, trying to keep the two of them happy. Yeontan was soon fast asleep in your lap whilst Taehyung continued to smile at your side, basking in the attention that you finally gave him.

“Remind me why you’ve never played with my hair like this before,” he giggled, “it feels nice to feel your hands running through my hair, I could definitely get used to it.”

“You’re only asking me to do this because it’s what I do to Yeontan.”

An innocent smile graced his lips, pursing his lips together as yet again your eyes rolled. You always knew that Taehyung loved to have your attention as much as possible, but you never imagined that that statement would apply to Yeontan as well as it did so many others.

After a few minutes, Taehyung finally moved your hand back into his lap, shuffling across your lap to make the most of being able to lay himself right into your side and settle his head against your shoulder.

“Maybe we should get another dog at some point and give Tan someone else to search for attention,” you suggested to him.

“That might not be the worst idea,” Taehyung chuckled, taking you by surprise. “I’ve thought about getting another dog for quite some time, and if it can mean I can steal my girlfriend back then it’s definitely something that I think we could consider.”

“I was not expecting you to say yes,” you admitted, “I thought you were going to say that one dog was enough for us both right now.”

His head shook, tilting his head back to look up at you, “how are we ever going to prepare for the future if we draw the line at having one dog being enough?”

You fell silent at his question, not quite sure what words to find to be able to tell him how you felt. Taehyung could see that he’d caught you off guard, pressing a kiss against your jaw to assure you that you didn’t need to respond. The two of you still had plenty of time to look towards the future, even if he had been finding himself getting excited by the thought.

“For now, though, I do think one dog is enough,” he assured you, “but I definitely think we could have a family of dogs one day.”

“You’ve really thought about this haven’t you?” You asked, a little less surprised when his head nodded back at you.

“Of course, I think about it a lot.”

---

Masterlist

[asmo-ds]

My hc is that MC likes to carry a lot of cool looking knives around to "protect themselves" but always ends up accidentally cutting themselves so the demons around them go NUTS from the sight/smell of blood and the only reason why nothing happens to MC is because the brothers are glued to their idiot human lmao

w/ MC Who Carries a Knife but Don’t Know How to Use It

PLEASE READ

Summary: Mc likes to carry a knife for self-defense but a bitch don’t know how to use it so she ends up constantly bleeding and making demons hungry

- His temples are raw from how much he rubs them due to this humans lack of self preservation

- He will hide the knife but somehow MC always gets it back

- and every

- single

- time

- They get a cut from said knife and end up almost getting eaten 

- One time he had to stop Beel from eating MC and both brothers nearly died 

- Lower demons die on a daily basis with how often MC attracts them via their own blood

- stressed out

- Why did he get assigned to such a reckless human?!

- Doesn’t Lucifer realize that he’s reckless too, which only makes things worse for everyone?

- Thinks MC looks cool when they swing the knife around or play with it

- But the second they cut themselves he’s got them wrapped against his chest surrounded by his wings to protect them while he wraps the wound up

- tries to sell the knife but the “anonymous” buyer was MC, he found out later 

- woah, MC carries a knife?! They’re so cool they’re just like the protagonist of ‘I don’t know how to use knives but i think they look really cool’

- The first time they stan themselves and bleed he snickers and tells them they should learn how to use it

- the second time he sympathized with them and took care of the wound and protected them from lesser demons who could smell them

- after the third fourth and fifth times he started to get worried

- He takes the knife and hides it behind his figurines, because MC would never touch those!.... right?

- Wrong. the next day he smelled their blood and he ran to them only to find them sitting with their knife in their hand with a bashful grin on their face

- the kind of grin you give when you just know someone is about to say “i told you so”

- He thinks the knife is cool so he doesn’t think much of it since they do need some form of protection in case of an emergency where he and his brothers can’t reach them

- He started to smell blood often though and began to worry for MC, wondering if they were okay

-He only find out that they had been misusing the knife when a lesser demon tried to attack them after smelling their blood

- confiscated the knife and gave Mc lots of textbooks about knives, requiring them to read every word before he would give the knife back

- also put a charm on it that didn’t allow it to piece MC’s skin unless MC intended to make a mark

- Oh dear! You’re going to get hurt please be careful

- He’s worried that every time MC gets wounded by the knife it will scar, so he buys human world healing ointment and applies it all over them daily

- He may not be a fighter but when a lesser demon looks at MC after they’ve wounded themselves, the warning in his eyes that he flashes the demon is violent and feral

- Constantly is holding MC’s hand in hopes of preventing them from grabbing the knife at all

- Will also mark MC as his, because then their blood wouldn’t affect other demons so badly since the human wasn’t theirs

- Almost ate MC

- He honestly thought they carried it around to cook whenever they wanted, but then he found out it’s not that kind of knife

- Worried about MC because of not only lesser demons, but himself as well

- Whenever he sees MC is wounded he grabs one of his brothers to help the human before he sprints away for everyone’s sake

- Will try to convince MC to stop caring the knife but also worried that if they do then they’d be defenseless in an emergency

- He recognized the scent of their blood right away as he had smelled lots of it during The Incidentᵗᵐ

- Immediately by their side guarding them to ensure no lesser demons were tempted to mess with his human

- If he’s in a teasing manner he will probably lock up the blood and threaten to eat them whole

- but at the same time he’s saying that to scare them into giving up the knife

- Too lazy to physically hide the knife so he just takes it to satan to get a safety charm put on it

[sunflowersoonyoung]

rekindled | wooseok

w.c ↠ 2.4k

pairing ↠ wooseok x fem!reader

genre/s ↠ smut, dom!wooseok, spit kink, office au!, exes to lovers au!

description ↠ after dreaming about your ex for months, it’s impossible to swallow your heated desires when he shows up at your workplace.

warning/s ↠ suggestive themes, unprotected sex, dom themes

a/n ↠ omg I haven’t written here in months, but here I am - surprisingly alive lol. I’m sorry it took so long ;-; study has been rough but I finally managed to find the time. anyway, this is pretty hot and I hope y’all enjoy it. requested by @bunnybunnywoo​

-

“Please treat our newest arrival with kindness.”

You numbly observed as your manager ushered forth a tall, neatly dressed male. He offered the team a small smile, adjusting the collared sleeves of his white button-up. Your coworkers chattered quietly, particularly the girls - undoubtedly fawning over his pretty features.

Jung Wooseok hardly had to introduce himself to you. You recognised him without any doubt, even with the minor details he had changed. After all, you knew him well.

When you had dated him, his hair had grown past his ears. You had watched him tuck away the soft locks numerous times during those times. Now it was inches shorter, and his fringe no longer grazed his eyes. It had been approximately a year since you had broken up, so you had expected some change. You had probably changed too.

It was an alarming coincidence that Wooseok had shown up now, amidst a peak in your sex drive, when all you had dreamt of recently was him. It was outrageous that he had shown up looking so good, too.

As he stood before your small group of coworkers, he seemed to skip over your presence. His smile remained constant, his hands folded behind his back as he bowed his head politely. You failed to take in a single word your manager spoke, absorbing every inch of Wooseok’s figure with unrestrained desire. You had missed him desperately, and now he was here.

As his introduction came to a close, the intrigue surrounding Wooseok died down, and everyone’s attention gradually returned to their computer screens.

You, however, were still dizzied by his vicinity. You could not help but watch as he was shown around the small office, listening in as he introduced himself to each worker. The pair arrived before you, and you tried to mask your excitement.

“This is (F/n)-ssi. She works under marketing.”

Wooseok’s eyes met yours, sparking shockwaves that travelled across your skin. The arousal you had been stifling escaped suddenly, and now you could feel the heat throbbing painfully between your legs. It was almost deplorable how such a simple gesture set you alight - but you had been craving him for so long, so it was unsurprising.

You were somewhat disappointed to see him merely smile at you. Though, you could see the cogs turning in his head, small lights of recognition twinkling in his eyes.

He was gone as quickly as he had appeared, cycling through the remaining people with haste. The remainder of the day he spent learning his intended role. You spent it sneaking glances at him from across the room.

Five o’clock arrived at a languid pace, and staff members around you had begun packing up when your manager called for attention.

“I’ve reserved a table at the usual place to celebrate the arrival of our recruit.”

A swell of applause and appreciative murmurs passed over the room. There was nothing like exchanging shot glasses of soju and plates of hot meat after a day at work, and the opportunity was rare.

As everyone began bustling through the door to walk to our usual hangout just a block away, you attempted to catch Wooseok on his way out.

You cleared your throat, nervously hovering behind him.

“It’s good to see you, Wooseok-ah.”

He tilted his head towards you curiously, his irises turning gold in the warm sunset light. The tips of his hair shone a syrupy brown. You were dazzled by the sight of him, your gaze flickering from his eyes to his thick rose-tinted lips, to his tan collarbone revealed barely by the collars of his shirt.

Wooseok offered you an earnest smile, veiled suggestiveness shining through his expression. You struggled to read him, unable to process much outside of the feeling that you were melting into the ground.

You were still staring at him when he turned away, following the trail of excited staff. Your interest went southwards. His well-fitted black suit pants provoked your imagination. You began picturing him naked, and suddenly the urge to take off those pants spiked.

Steeling yourself, you followed Wooseok - waiting with the rest of the group as someone locked the door behind you.

The brief walk to the restaurant was anxiety-inducing. You spent it trailing a few paces behind Wooseok, trying to quench the fire of arousal in your belly. You hoped some small talk and some food would help take your mind off of him.

As you filed inside the restaurant behind the team, you gasped as you met a wall of heat. The room was hot, illuminated by tangerine light and lined with dark wooden walls, the air thick with steam from the kitchen. Everyone took their seats around a long table centred in the room, you included. You looked up to see Wooseok peering at you, seated directly adjacent to you.

Your mind immediately went blank with panic. There was no way you would be able to sit opposite him without staring at him for practically the whole evening.

Platters of hot meat and vegetables and bowls of rice and broth were spread across the table, and the stream of conversation was interrupted. You were concentrating on pushing heaps of steaming white rice onto your plate when a hand appeared in your peripheral.

Wooseok was offering you a dish, his owl-like orbs gauging your reaction. It’s a plate of spicy cucumber salad, a thick crimson sauce coating slices of cucumber.

It had always been one of your favourite side dishes. Perhaps it shouldn’t have, but it surprised you that Wooseok remembered.

You grew warm and dizzy, accepting his gesture with a shy smile. He seemed pleased, a soft grin gracing his lips. Your heart fluttered; you were trying desperately not to react externally, swallowing the dizzying thoughts surrounding Wooseok.

The remainder of the evening you spend trying to keep your eyes off of him, or at the very least from lingering.

The restaurant was humid, which was evidently affecting Wooseok. There was a film of sweat over his forehead, dark strands of hair sticking to his slick skin. His cheeks were flushed pink. To help with the heat, he had rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt, revealing his forearms.

His appearance was highly seductive. A different sort of heat was pooling between your legs, applying a throbbing pressure that made you increasingly dizzier by the moment. All of the dreams you had had of him over the past months were growing persistent. You were horny, desperate for Wooseok. Desperate to have him alone.

Your arousal is probably starting to become visible. Your breathing was staggered, sucking your bottom lip into your mouth and pushing your thighs together for some relief.

Abruptly, Wooseok stood, his chair scraping against the floorboards as he pushed it out from beneath himself.

“Thank you for dinner,” he spoke, bowing deeply, “is it okay if I head home early?”

A chorus of agreement passed over the table, and Wooseok bowed for a second time. His interest passed over you, a curious expression painting his features. It only served to make you even more hungry for him. Unexpected courage washed over your skin as you watched him leave. You stumbled onto your feet, clumsily excusing yourself as well.

“Wooseok-ah!” You called into the night, mouth dry with anxiety.

He was a few metres ahead, practically glowing in the dark atmosphere. Tasting the corner of his mouth with his tongue, he seemed to be contemplating something, so you hurried closer.

“I-I missed you,” You stammered, “You look really good.”

A gradual smile warmed his face, and he ate up the gap between you, affectionately cupping your cheek to press a chaste kiss to your forehead. Tingles explode across your skin like electricity - as if it was the first time he had touched you with his lips. You swayed on your feet, giddy.

“I missed you too,” he chuckled sincerely.

You hesitated, a question heavy on the tip of your tongue.

“I was wondering…”

Embarrassment crept to the tips of your ears as you began to speak, before Wooseok interrupted you and finished the question for you.

“Want to come home with me?”

You relaxed your head against his chest, nodding shyly in a wordless response.

-

Stepping inside Wooseok’s apartment, you were temporarily distracted by the familiar scent that wafted past your nose. Though it was a different place you were used to, it still belonged quite certainly to him.

Your attention swiftly shifted to Wooseok himself, who had closed the door behind him and was now advancing upon you. His tall figure was growing dangerously close, inky eyes boring into yours from above.

“Mm, you’ve hardly changed at all,” he mumbled, tilting his head towards yours, “it’s still obvious when you’re turned on.”

You exhaled a trembling breath, leaning on your toes just to close the space between your lips. You could feel Wooseok smile and purr as you finally made contact. It was a pleasant sensation, his deep voice dropping straight to the bottom of your gut. His palm met the wall behind you, promptly caging you in with his body.

His lips were full, and he had savoury flavoured saliva; somehow, it was better than you remembered. You could feel his humid breath against your cheek. He left you desperate for more as he withdrew, his cheeks flushed with colour.

“Not here,” he murmured, clasping his large hands over yours.

He led you through his entrance hall into a modestly decorated apartment, his long fingers interlaced with yours.

Gesturing for you to take a seat on his sofa, he awkwardly hovered before joining you, keeping consistent eye contact as if trying to read your face. He sat closely, his thigh pressing against yours.

Without much thought, you reached up and combed your fingers through his hair, which was almost impossibly soft. Your hand slid down his temple, resting on his cheek - which was warm to touch.

Wooseok leant forward, kissing you again, lowering his weight on you till you could not help but fall back against the sofa cushions.

His tongue teased yours, thumb gently pressing against your chin for better access. Your head was empty of thoughts except for him, how he tasted, how he smelt, the feeling of his chest pressing against yours.

Wooseok withdrew, a strand of saliva connecting your parted lips - replacing his tongue with his thumb. You sucked, tasting the tip of his thumb with your tongue and burning beneath the attention he was giving you.

“Open your mouth,” he hummed, and you obeyed. He grinned before casually dribbling a globule of spit onto your tongue. It tasted mildly sweet, and you made a show of swallowing obviously before offering him a devilish smile. A low groan bubbled up in his throat in response.

“I want to taste you,” you breathed, your gaze travelling dazedly from his beautiful features to his button-up shirt to his deliciously tight pants.

He raised an eyebrow, tongue running along his bottom lip.

“No need to ask, baby.”

You repositioned so that he sat on the sofa, legs parted with you seated on the floor between them. Your hands were trembling as you unzipped his suit pants, despite having been with him countless times in the past.

His cock was pretty with a glistening pink tip, soft but also not and warm between your palms. You could feel the drool collecting in your mouth as you gradually rubbed it, rolling the head beneath your thumb and feeling it grow slick. Wooseok moaned, lulling his head back against the back of the couch.  

You knelt over him, easing the length down your throat till your nose grazed his lower belly, his cock meeting the back of your throat. It had been a while since you had given head, so you gagged a little in response.

“Don’t push yourself,” Wooseok hummed, running his fingers through your hair, gathering strands and pushing them off of your forehead.

Ignoring his gentle suggestion, you began to work him at a slow pace, swirling your tongue simultaneously. You gradually built up the speed, relishing every sweet sound that spilt out into the air from his chest. Painful arousal was throbbing between your legs; you could practically feel the moisture dripping into your underpants.

“That’s enough,” Wooseok was surprisingly demanding when he finally interrupted you, seizing a fistful of your hair and dragging your head from his lap. You’re still dizzy and flustered from the blowjob, barely able to recognise his intentions.

He bends you over the arm of the sofa, blood rushing to your head as you lean on your stomach. You feel the skin of your backside against the cool air as he flips up your skirt, your damp underwear cold against your dangerously hot pussy. Wooseok took a moment to admire your ass, his hands massaging the flesh before pressing his fingertips to your clothed clit. You groan in relief as he applies much-needed pressure.

“Please,” you manage to gasp, though the words are barely recognisable.

“Please, what?”

He’s teasing you, and it sounds even more enticing in his low voice.

“Please fill me up, Wooseok-ah.”

Wooseok was quick to respond, pushing your underpants out of the way and gently pressing the head of his cock against your pussy. An unrestrained exclamation escapes your lips as he slides his way inside you, utilising your natural lubricants to his advantage.

It felt incredible, shockwaves of pleasure bursting in your lower belly as he bottomed out inside you. Stress from months without sex began melting out of you, and you could feel yourself drowning in unadulterated excitement.

“Wooseok,” you huffed, leaning back into his pistoning hips, unable to control your body which he was practically throwing against the sofa.

“I missed hearing you say my name,” he growled, squeezing your backside with one hand. You could only assume how he looked right now - with sweat-thick skin, blushed cheeks and a gritted jaw. The mere thought of the image combined with the blood pounding by your ears drove you closer to a dizzying orgasm.

Every second seemed to pass too quickly. You buried your nails into the arm of the sofa as your pussy began to pulse.

“I-I’m going to-,” you couldn’t even splutter out the entire sentence before you came, spiralling into the most intense orgasm you had had for a long time. You could no longer distinguish Wooseok’s strokes, practically sobbing in pleasure.

He emitted a loud cry before pulling out, cumming all over your back.

The room was filled with both of your breathing, the desire to sleep weighing on your eyelids.

“Can’t believe you just came on my blouse,” you mumbled, barely able to muster up the ounce of disbelief in your tone.

“You can just wear one of my shirts.”

[quantumlectra]

Kiribaku Fic Recs!

I wanted to do a list of fanfics that are really close to my heart!

Sorry if it is too long but I wanted it all in one place.

My First One And Only by  Quirkless-One (BlackBarBooks)

This is one of my favorites. Bakugou and Kirishima discover all stages of relationship together. They both have no idea what they're doing, but they figure it out with the power of love! It’s unfinised, but it has 26 chapters out already.

houdini by chonideno 

This one is really intense! Kirishima and Bakugou are locked together in the closet because they play the game of seven minutes in heaven. The tension between these two is so thick you could cut it with a knife. 

Heartbeat Thunder by  Shippeh

It’s an Omegaverse fic. Kirishima is an Alpha and he is addicted to suppressants because he had a really dangerous rut. Bakugou is an Omega and helps Kirishima with his struggles. Obviusly they fall in love during it.

Spice Season by Shippeh

This is an direct sequel to Heartbeat Thunder. This one is much heavier, deals with serious topics such as pregnancy and miscarriage. I cried so much reading this, so be prepared for feels!

Outshining the Sun by  thesweetestnerd

Class 2-A are going on a school trip. Bakugou and Kirishima are in love with each other, but neither is aware of it. They struggle with jealousy and miscommunication. Things get complicated when Mina confesses to Kirishima and he agrees because she's too nice to hurt her feelings.

what he thinks he knows by  octobuns

Bakugou rediscovers things he thought he knew about Kirishima. It’s really sweet!

Room for Cream by Shippeh

Another Omegaverse by amazing Shippeh! This one is so good. Kirishima is an Omega and a relly cute barista. Alpha Bakugou is ready to do anything to win his heart. But Kirishima has a dark past and a lot of issues, but Bakugou is here to help him go through it.

Tomorrow, Today by  timetoboldlygo

I think this one is my favorite. Please read this! Bakugou and Kirishima are all grown up and married. But they are in a middle of argument when they get hit by a quirk that throws them back in time. They have to deal with difficult emotions while trying to go back to the present. They are so in love with each other, and their relationship is really healthy! My heart was sqeezed so many times by this fic!

Twelve Fifty-One by  Trenchcoatkitten

Another one of my favorites! This is a Band AU! Kirishima is the lead singer in the band and Bakugou is the replacement bassist. Kirishima is head over heels  (who can blame him, Bakugou has piercings!) Also, they sing with each other!

(Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder) FALSE by  dragontrappedinhumanskin

This is pure fluff! Bakugou and Kirishima are hit with a quirk that forces them to stay really close to each other. Yeah, they have to spend every second with each other. They dance together and share clothes! It’s really sweet.

A matter of chemistry by  mcshamey

This is a College AU. Kirishima share chemistry classes with this grumpy but hot guy and he decides that he will befriend him. Turns out they become more than friends. It’s basically fluff with a little drama at the end, but nothing big.

When Love is Gone by  Bryan

This fic will break your heart, I warn you! Bakugou is an old man and he is dying. He records his thoughts about his memories with Kirishima. They were in love but broke up when they were younger. Kirishima moved on and started a family with another man. But Bakugou never stopped loving him.

and Kirishima’s point of view:

Last Christmas by Bryan

After Bakugou’s death Kirishima finds out about his feelings, which he had hidden for so many years.

Be Patient by  deviance

Everybody is wondering why Kirishima and Bakugou aren’t a couple yet. They’re obviusly in love with each other. But they made a promise to wait.

The Bet by  Mostlyhuman

Kirishima lost a bet and had to flirt with Bakugou for a month. But Bakugou is weirdly okay with that. Fluff, fluff and fluff!

Sent, Delivered, Read, Loved by  KiriBakuHappiness

This one is really interesting because it shows Bakugou and Kirishima’s text conversations and how their relationship developed. 

I Loved You Once and It Seemed Enough

After many years of not talking Bakugou and Kirishima reunites and fall in love with the new versions of themselves.

Cosmopolitan by  dvmb4ss

After a drinking party with the whole class, Bakugou and Kirishima end up sleeping together. They both are afraid that this will affect their friendship. They don't realize that they both want more.

tour en l'air  by  oredatte

Bakugou is an trangender ballet dancer. He overworked and ends up with leg contusion. Kirishima is his lovely physical therapist and helps him recover. (And they fall in love)

an opera in 5 parts by  oredatte

This one is very heavy. CW: self harm. Bakugou can’t stop cutting himself and Kirishima finds out. It’s really finely written.

Resident Ships in the Night by  redriothashira

Bakugou and Kirishima are divorced. After Kirishima’s grandma dies, they are forced to fix a cabin together and deal with their feelings for each other. This fic is very mature and I loved the different approach of their characters.

Wasting Time by  imnotpoppunk

This is an AU where everything is basically the same but Kirishima dicides to not apply to UA. He meets Bakugou and they develop an connection.

This fic is very angsty but it has fluffy moments as well.

Kirishima's Cocktails by  Stitch_In_Time

Bakugou is depressed and his life is falling apart. He meets a bright plumber who helps him rebuild his bar. They fall in love but Bakugou still has to deal with his mental issues.

Freshly Ground Coffee by  arxaris

Cute Coffe Shop AU where Bakugou is a pro hero and Kirishima is a fanboy barista. 

show me where it hurts by  JustAKilljoy

Soulmate AU where you can feel your soulmates pain and Bakugou begins to experience panic attacks that are not his own.

you have made me feel so sure by  honeijirou

Another Soulmate AU where first words are written on your body. Kirishima doesn’t have them. He meets Bakugou who has hearing problems and doesn’t speak.

pickup lines and valentines by  aloera

And another soulmate AU! Basically whatever you write on your body, it appears on your soulmate body as well. Nobody believes them, when Bakugou and Kirishima say that they are in a relationship.

Worth a Thousand Words by  awareoftheconcept

Kirishima is convinced that Bakugou is dating Camie and struggles with jealousy. Little does he know that Bakugou is in love with him.

tell me the truth (even if it hurts) by  Kilaco77

Kirishima is hit by a quirk, causing everyone to tell him the truth. Kirishima learns bad things, but Bakugou tries to protect him.

The Lost Continent by  cattchi, paglykos

Reading this fic feels like readin a good, adventure book. It’s about pirattes! Bakugou is a Captain of the ship and Kirishima is a noble boy, who was taken hostage. But they fell in love and Kirishima finds happiness and a new way of life.

[blindbeta]

Blind/Visually Impaired Person’s Review Of ‘The Blind Bandit’

It is here! At almost 6 thousand words (I have a problem lol). This is a review of season 2, episode 6 in Avatar: the Last Airbender. The episode is called The Blind Bandit.

Note that this is only a review of the portrayal of blindness rather than the episode or show itself. This show also has audio descriptions on Netflix so any blind followers of mine can watch the show if the want to. I would also like to make it clear that this is my opinion. It is my no means lacking in bias and I won’t pretend that it is. I love this character for some of the reasons I will explain here, and that will show even as I consider criticisms of her or things that simply could have been better.

This character, Toph, was my first exposure to a blind character in television.

CHARACTER INTRO:

“Your champion, The Blind Bandit!”

We first hear Toph introduced as The Blind Bandit. She is described as having pale eyes which is usually how eye conditions are conveyed visually. Some online sources describe them as light grey or sea form green, but glazed over. This could be due to cataracts or some other deterioration. Part of me wants to mention that not all blind people have eyes like this. Most don’t; I don’t. However, blind people can have many eye problems outside of just The Blindness, so it isn’t inaccurate either, especially for a time period where eye surgeries are not available, and Waterbenders are not as easy to reach for healings as they may have been before the war. I also suspect her family would not care about cataracts if Toph was not in pain— their main issue would be her blindness. I’m getting ahead of myself.

The point is, I don’t mind the way her eyes are portrayed here. I do think non-blind people are too obsessed with portraying eyes like this, however, and I feel like it is not necessary in non-visual media unless you have established why their eyes are cloudy/lighter/Like That other than Because Blind. I’m happy they didn’t fall into the trap of portraying her eyes as constantly closed.

I also read somewhere that the creators tried not to move her eyes much. I don’t know how true this goal was, but I feel it is not entirely necessary. Blind people can also have uncontrollable eye movements or rapid eye movements. This might be too hard to animate and too confusing for viewers. Therefore, I feel the creators chose a more practical portrayal of eye movements that is the easiest to animate and least confusing for people who may not know blind eyes can and do move, whether due a condition or other factors.

“She can’t really be blind, can she?”

I like that everyone says “blind” without stumbling over it or treating it as a bad word. Katara is surprised and Aang is accepting, feeling hopeful that this girl could at last be his teacher. I even like that she chose to capitalize on it for her persona. Already we can tell Toph has no issue with being blind, nor does she feel the need to hide it in such a setting as this. She is already the champion— it must be working for her. It is this openness and acceptance of blindness that I like, especially from the main character. Rather than make her hide her blindness or angst over something she has lived with all her life, the writers just introduced it as fact. She’s blind and she’s a champion. That is how we meet Toph.

“Sounds to me like you’re scared, Boulder!”

Trash talk. She’s trash talking him. If the champion thing was not an indication that this wasn’t your stereotypical innocent, blind flower, her first line should be! Already Toph is brash and fearless. A far cry from the angelic stereotype we often get in the media.

“Your winner, and still the champion, The Blind Bandit!”

Toph kicks Boulder Butt. Pretty easily. I loved every second of it.

Now let’s talk about the Super Crip trope here.

IS TOPH A SUPERCRIP?

The Supercrip trope is a bit hard to pin down. I found a few definitions floating around. This link has two: Trope: SuperCrip | #CriticalAxis: a community driven project from The Disabled List

The Supercrip is seen as having “overcome” their disability in order to do normal things or even extraordinary things— with a focus on their disability rather than their accomplishments.

The first part is avoided. The narrative doesn’t focus on how extra special it is that Toph is doing things like: walking, talking, eating soup, sitting with her family, yelling at Aang and his friends, etc. Toph is not seen as extra special for doing normal things that her disability does not make more difficult. Not only would this be patronizing and ignorant, this would reflect that attitudes many real life strangers have: disabled people are so strange and mystical to some people that they feel the need to ask blind people on the street how they walk or talk.

Personally, I find this portrayal of disabled people to be the most harmful. It caters to able-bodied onlookers alone and offers nothing for disabled people. To clarify: the problem is not portraying disabled people/characters doing normal things! The problem is expecting your audience to feel inspired because a disabled person did a thing that is completely ordinary for them.

This does not apply to Toph.

Another definition is that a disabled person is portrayed as “overcoming” their disability in order to do something cool/big, usually something able-bodied people don’t do everyday. This disabled person is only noteworthy because they did something extraordinary such as win several gold medals. This presents two problems: 1) it is hard for disabled people to meet these expectations, especially when this is shown as the only positive way to live with a disability. And 2) able-bodied people see this and believe all disabled people must be winning gold medals or doing super extraordinary things because their disability somehow gives them privilege, pity-points, or superhuman powers that make up for their disability. An example of these powers would be the myth that blind people have superhuman hearing rather than simply using their hearing more than sighted people and thus being more attuned to sound. An example of pity-points would be the time my family was watching Dancing With the Stars featuring a blind contestant. After the dance, someone remarked that the contestant would probably get sympathy points and go on to the next round. Her talent was not a factor the same way it was for the able-bodied contestants; pity-points could not be separated from her success. It was impossible that she would be supported and judged the same way as the others, with her blindness being only an extra factor that might make copying a dance to learn it more challenging for her. Keep in mind, these ideas are so ingrained in people that my own family believed it in even when they know me and several of my blind friends.

Let’s consider Tooh:

Pity-Points? - Not even a factor. This was not brought up by Aang, nor Katara, nor Sokka. It was certainly not thought of by the owner of the battle ring nor Toph’s opponents. In fact, she was only doubted when she lost. Her talent was never viewed as the result of someone else’s pity or reduced to inspiration for an able-bodied wrestling audience. The announcer says her name and nothing else. Her parents don’t bring up the idea that Toph only wins because she was pitied either. They witnessed her bending and only believed they needed to protect her more, not that she was not talented.

Privilege? - It is no question that Tooh’s family is rich. It is hard to say how much that affects her here. She has a tutor who undermines her growth and is pretty much useless. She has protection she doesn’t want and riches she doesn’t seem to use. She does have more free time to battle as a result of her riches, not having to work at a young age (although her parents probably would not have let her even if they needed the money). Toph’s family status could have been seen as playing a role in her winning— if her parents allowed the world to know about her. - It is no secret that Toph is rich, however, when privilege is brought up by able-bodied people, they don’t usually mean riches (although the stereotypical rich disabled person is something I could discuss at a later time). They usually mean some combination of government benefits that may or may not exist and pity points. Disability makes things HARDER, not easier. A person can have multiple privileges they did not earn, or lack of privileges they did not ask for. Toph does not gain special privileges due to her disability, nor does she ask for or expect them. My opinion is that no one asks for this, anyway.

Super-human? - This one is a little trickier. It is the one people are obviously hung up on when they consider Toph. It is difficult to consider this without considering Toph’s entire arc. However, I have chosen to focus on her bending and “sight” and how it is used in this episode. I may talk about this more if I do other reviews. - First, bending. Toph is not the only bender in the series. She is also not the only good bender, as Katara is also someone who grows into her bending and becomes particularly powerful. Aang is already a master of airbending in addition to being the Avatar. He is special and particularly powerful, mastering water quickly. Azula is also said to be a prodigy and has mastered lightning at 14. The point is, Toph is a powerful bender. She is not the only powerful bender in the world. The Avatar needs someone to teach him and that person would, reasonably, have mastered their bending in order to teach the Avatar. - Now for Toph’s bending in relation to her blindness. It is true that Toph is powerful AND blind— is she powerful in spite of being blind? Is she powerful because her blindness gives her superpowers? This is tricky. To me, the narrative doesn’t go out of its way to say “she overcame her blindness and was able to win”. It also doesn’t show blindness as a superpower, such as causing superior hearing. - How is it portrayed then? First, Toph never has to “overcome” her blindness, which is important. The obstacle is the limitations placed on her. The obstacle is society, not her disability. Toph does not need to accept her blindness before doing anything, because she has been blind since birth. She does not have to overcome her blindness before fighting or becoming a champion because when we are introduced to her, she already was. She is not expected to overcome her disability in order to teach Aang; he tries to recruit her without seeing her disability as an issue. She does not need overcome her disability because it is not what stops her, as is the case for most people. There are some things being blind makes difficult, different, or impossible to do, but this isn’t one of them. Blind people can learn to fight. They can win. And when people reduce such accomplishments as “overcoming disability”, it can feel like a misdirection, like a dismissal of hard work and talent.

This does not happen with Toph.

Second, does Toph’s blindness give her superpowers? Maybe. I feel like it might be necessary to cover Toph in other episodes. However, this review is focusing mostly on The Blind Bandit and so I will focus on Toph’s unique “sight”. Toph’s bending is unique from others because she can feel the vibrations in the ground, allowing her to sense objects and people. This ability allows her to fight and beat others. In my opinion, this is more of an adaptation perfected through sheer amount of practice. Katara and Zuko don’t always bend. Toph is using her bending constantly. Of course she would be good at it. Her bending is a tool for her use. Fighting? That’s just a bonus, a hobby.

Toph also has weaknesses and is in fact beaten by Aang, who wasn’t even trying. Losing to someone who had no intention of winning is a pretty big deal.

Personally, I don’t think Toph is a supercrip in this episode. She is a Blind Seer, a trope popular in literature. The Blind Seer can’t see physically, but they can see in other ways you can’t. I don’t have an issue with this trope and think it can be used in cool ways, especially if the blind character isn’t the only one with a superpower.

I do, however, want people to question why a blind character always needs to have a power that relates to or makes up for their lack of sight in some way. Unless you are making a deliberate allusion to something or a blind is not the only one with sight-related powers, I ask writers to question why they jump to sight-related powers in the first place. Or powers related to hearing, something to “make up for” their lack of sight.

Can this be done well? Absolutely. Toph, while she can fall into both The Blind Seer and the Supercrip tropes for some people, she is beloved and interesting for many fans, blind or sighted.

I ask people to trace their logic about why they choose to give their blind character powers related to sight. What kind of power is it? Does it make up for (aka erase) their blindness and make them less relatable to blind readers/watchers? Are they the only blind character and/or the only person with such a power? Can they have another power? What works and does not work for good characters like Toph? Why?

Getting rid of these particular tropes are not the answer. I simply invite people to consider other options, try new things, think critically about why and what woks or doesn’t work in other characters.

I absolutely invite blind writers to use whatever tropes they want, as they can probably write it in a more nuanced way.

My personal opinion about the Supercrip trope is that it is somehow focused on success or talent as the enemy without recognizing what it means. Wanting to succeed is not wrong. Being competitive is refreshing!

It isn’t really about doing super things or not— it is about disabled people being made to feel like they will not be successful, accepted, or taken seriously if they do not win everything or succeed at impossible feats. Able-bodied people are permitted to exist without needing to prove anything. Disabled people are not afforded that respect.

Either disabled people fight against the ingrained expectation that they simply cannot do anything, that will FAIL, because of their disability, or they fight against the realization that, for many people, even impossible feats will never be enough. Their accomplishments will never be seen as just that— accomplishments.

Blind characters should be talented or hard-working, prodigies or people who claw their way to the top. Their disability may be an obstacle and it may, in fact, barely even be necessary to mention aside from adaptive tools. The Supercrip is so alluring because people are under the impression blind people— and disabled people as a whole— cannot do anything. To the point that some condescendingly assume certain things are impossible because they did not think of adaptive techniques or technology. This is why research is important.

Remember why this trope/stereotype exists: for the inspiration of able-bodied people who are uninterested in making changes in society’s attitudes and the amount of accessibility it provides. Problematic tropes like this usually have a specific issue behind them and you cannot tackle or discuss r subvert the trope until you understand the harmful reason it exists.

Not everyone agrees with me. Here are some reading materials:

On the pervasive Supercrip trope in martial arts:

http://feministing.com/2010/02/19/media-portrayal-of-disability-and-martial-arts-a-personal-statement/

On the pressure this trope puts on blind people:

Challenging the ‘Supercrip’ Stereotype of People With Disabilities | The Mighty

[In the comments, I would prefer people not speculate about Toph being a Supercrip or not if they aren’t blind themselves. It would be more helpful to focus on other aspects of this review or share posts by other blind people instead.]

Keep in mind, this is only a review of one episode. And I personally will take a powerful disabled character over a powerless, sad one anytime.

This concludes our commercial break. Back to the show.

BEING BLIND IN EARTH KINGDOM SOCIETY

Earth Kingdom Boy 1: “Well, a flying boar is the symbol of the Beifong family. They’re the richest people in town. Probably whole world.” Earth Kingdom Boy 2: “Yeah, but they don’t have a daughter.”

Now this is interesting. It implies that Toph is: a) hiding herself well so as to keep up her double life and/or b) being hidden by her family. I suspect it is a little of both. A) is pretty obvious, especially with the wall surrounding their estate, while b) could be due to overprotectiveness or shame on the part of her parents. Shame may seem harsh. However, this is not exactly a modern time period and respect for disabled people can vary depending on culture, time, place, and individual attitudes.

When portraying poor social attitudes toward disabled characters, writers must work hard to show the attitudes as wrong and work to reduce them. I do feel that, like with gender discrimination, people tend to preemptively assume accepting disability is modern and Western concept- and that any ableism is fair game because it is realistic. That is far from the truth, especially if they get it wrong.

Too much and it could be mistaken for an excuse to be ableist. Too little and it may seem like erasure of societal barriers faced by blind people.

Let’s see how the ATLA writers handle this.

TOPH’S “SIGHT” AND MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

Anyway, the Gaang finds Toph again. Toph: “What are doing here, Twinkle Toes?” Aang: “How did you know it was me?”

Two things stick out here. I love that The Gaang interacts with her normally and this episode is not about the able-bodied characters learning how to treat a disabled person like a person, nor is it about them confronting their biases. Instead, they have a favor to ask, one that Toph cannot grant. The episode shifts focus onto Toph and her emotions and needs.

I also liked that Aang asks how she knew it was him. This is a common question and it seems to be asked in curiosity rather than implied judgment or suspicion on Aang’s part, as is often the case nowadays. Later in the episode, Toph explains how she knew, but she could also have recognized his footsteps (light as they are) with or without her bending. Blind people are also usually more reliant on hearing or smell and so may pick up on scents or sounds others do not. That is not to say their hearing or smell are superior (see the Supercrip discussion), but that they are used more often. This is how I conceptualize Toph’s bending— it is something she uses all day, every day. Like her hearing and smell and touch, she is more reliant on these senses and so uses them in ways others don’t.

I do wish we had a few more examples of this in the episode/show rather than Toph using her bending for every situation. As I said, I do not mind that she can “see” with bending as it is not true sight, but showing how she uses other senses would have been nice details.

TOPH’S PARENTS HAVE ENTERED THE RING

Toph: “I thought I heard something! I got scared.” Guard: “You know your father doesn’t want you wandering the grounds without supervision, Toph.”

With this, we can understand her father is overprotective, so much so that Toph is able to believably pull off this act of helplessness in front of the guards. Her father does not believe even walking around her own home is safe for her.

With that in mind, it is NOT a plot hole that she can walk around her home in front of her parents. Even overprotected blind kids don’t use canes or need a guide within their own homes as they often memorize the layout. Canes are not usually used inside ones own home or very familiar areas. Outside areas might be an exception as they are likely to change due to nature or redesign, but generally familiar, casual areas do not warrant canes or guides. It is completely believable that Toph can walk around in her own home without causing suspicion.

Toph’s father, indicating soup placed in front of her: “Blow on it. It’s too hot for her.”

Not only is her father overprotective, he is infantilizing. He thinks she can’t blow on her own soup and must be confined to basic stances of bending, something Toph is clearly unhappy with. Toph’s parents are the kind of people who wouldn’t let her watch TV lol!

Toph’s father: “And sadly, because of her blindness, I don’t think she will ever become a true master.”

There it is. There are many people in the world who have this mindset, believing disabled people succeeding is unrealistic, or only achieved by pity-driven intervention from others for inspirational purposes or a lie told by overly soft parenting. Toph’s father may seem radical, but his views are very common even for those close to a blind person. Even for those who might like the inspirational stories about blind people doing things.

HOW TOPH SEES THE WORLD

Toph: “It’s kind of like seeing with my feet.”

This is where I disagree with some interpretations of Toph. She can sense where things are and what they are. She has a wider range than someone with a cane would. However, I don’t know if this is quite erasing her blindness. Could they have done better? Yes. However, to claim the show made her sighted with magic is not quite fitting to me. Toph is not seeing with a magical potion, nor did Katara heal her blindness. She is using a power a lot of people in the ATLA universe have in bending, one she has used her entire life and perfected through sheer number of practice hours. I think it helps that she did not get this power, narratively, because she was blind. Rather she is a blind person who adapted a skill to her use.

A cane or an animal guide might have helped make the narrative more relatable for blind people, however. They could have also played up being unable to see people’s facial expressions. In other episodes, they show areas where she is unable to bend, such as on ice, sand, or floating objects like the warship or Appa.

In these instances, they could have shown sighted guide.

However, I think what they did worked. Would I suggest anyone else try it? Maybe not. It depends on their motivation for doing it. Toph’s powers basically act as a cane or Sunnu band would. They aren’t a magic spell letting her see all the time.

They could have done a little better— I still think it worked. It does not seem to have unfortunate implications of sight being better than blindness or blindness needing special cures.

For writing purposes, it is important to understand why this worked, how it was portrayed, factor in that bending is not unique to Toph, understand the nature of her ‘sight’, and understand what they could have done better. Just because it works here doesn’t mean it will work everywhere. It is important for writers to understand that and question their motivation for giving their character a different kind of vision.

THE DISABILITY EPISODE - AVOIDED

Toph’s father: “My daughter is blind. She is blind and tiny and helpless and fragile. She cannot help you.” Toph: “Yes. I can.”

Some may feel uncomfortable that Toph’s first episode is about her parents doubting her, dealing with ableism and being forced into stereotypes by her own family. It is important to remember that this is a show for children and any blind children watching it will have dealt with similar issues from adults in their lives. The show doesn’t seem to say this is the only narrative a blind character can have, but rather that it is a relatable occurrence for blind children who are watching it.

Toph also has many episodes left — this is only the beginning. This is hardly her only arc, and even her personality and abilities challenge so many stereotypes.

In most shows, the blind character gets one episode. Toph, however, is a main character.

Toph is also a well-rounded and interesting character with agency. She hardly seems like an inspirational puppet for adults.if this show had been written for adults or if Toph had been focusing on wanting to become a champion “despite her blindness”, I might have felt upset. It goes to show how important nuance is when writing disabled characters and how powerful it can be to make an effort to challenge stereotypes.

This is not how we first see Toph— helpless, unproductive. Instead, we FIRST see her out in the world kicking butt with her bending skill and I think that it is important.

NOT SO HELPLESS AFTER ALL

Toph’s father uses these words to describe her: Tiny, helpless, fragile. Unable to help others. Unexpected to become a true master or even advance beyond breathing techniques.

Toph challenges all of these at some point. She helps Aang defeat the bad guys. She faces many people in battle and wins, remaining an undefeated champion until Aang accidentally beats her. She advances far beyond basic bending techniques. Toph is good at very active things, with bending as a martial art and as a sport here. It is refreshing to see blind characters being so active and a stark contrast to the passive image her father has of his blind daughter. She does things for herself, including developing her bending style without the help of a master who limits her- and she hides her double life well. Toph’s ability and personality also challenge notions of fragility: she is boisterous and fearless, stubborn and even a bit rude. She mostly says what she wants to and fiercely hides what she doesn’t want to, even when pressured. She yielded only to her parents, which is tied up in love, respect, fear that they will no longer love her, possible aversion to change in some aspects of her life, and cultural expectations. For disabled children, it is often hard to go against your parents because the world teaches you that the world will never accept you or allow you to live in it. Your family is all you have.

Toph IS tiny, although that is due to genetics, environmental factors, and her age. However, her stature is used to prove the other qualities assigned to her when in reality her height has nothing to do with anything her family believes about her.

When the fighting starts, Toph creates a cloud of dust which effectively blinds her opponents. I thought it was a nice, ironic touch. The point is not just that her opponents now cannot see; Toph is already used to fighting under these conditions. She didn’t level the playing field. She is already better than them, already used to working without sight, and so the advantage is hers.

ABLEISM IN ACTION

Later, Toph confronts her parents:

Toph’s father: “You will be cared for and guarded 24/7.” Toph’s mother: “We are doing this for your own good, Toph.”

Unfortunately, this kind of infantilization is not uncommon. They saw her as she truly was and were still unable to let go of their ideas of their blind daughter. At this point, Toph is more trapped than ever despite opening up. The first time, it was surprising to see them not change their minds, given the happy endings we are used to in children’s shows. However, what happens is more relatable to blind kids with overprotective or controlling parents.

Of course, Toph makes the choice to leave them, showing more agency than most blind characters get, with or without controlling parents.

OVERALL

Overall: I loved this episode. It was a nice introduction to a character that both challenged expectations and dealt with obstacles relatable to blind fans. Toph’s struggles with her parents and the weight of stereotypes could have been cheap inspiration porn, but the way it was handled and the target audience of children rather than adults changes things immensely. This episode goes out of its way to challenge many stereotypes viewers may hold about blind people in ways that are fun and exciting. Toph’s personality is refreshing even over a decade later. While her bending as ‘sight’ may be disliked by some, it feels more like something with missed opportunities (the use of a cane or sighted guide), although I thought this episode did it well. Toph is not given special powers so that she can see—she adapts an ability for her own use.

Toph is a martial artist, encouraging children to try something similar if they are interested. She challenges her own parents, which may be very relatable to blind fans.

Unlike most children’s shows of the time (and even now), Toph does not feel like a vessel for able-bodied viewers to learn about blindness.

ACCESSIBILITY:

However, it is important to remember that at the time ATLA aired, there was no Netflix with audio descriptions. Descriptions were infrequent at the time and are still spotty on cable TV. The ATLA DVD did not have audio descriptions either, which is the case with all DVDs I have come across. Netflix also took an embarrassingly long time to add audio descriptions to a show with a blind character.

Consider that Toph was nearly inaccessible to blind children at the time — until 2020, well after other sighted children could enjoy it fully. Blind children could not watch a show about them with the same ease that a sighted child could. Think about that.

Is the show to blame for this? I don’t know. Usually the broadcasting service handles descriptions. I have yet to come across a DVD with descriptions. However, I wonder why it took this long. Did the staff consider a blind audience at all? Could they have pushed for descriptions to be added to the DVD?

And what about fans? Did fans consider that the character who challenged stereotypes for them might not be as accessible to blind people themselves? While they scrabbled about whether the characters were ableist, did they bother to consider Netflix’s lack of audio descriptions? Do they remember to add image descriptions to GIFs, pictures, or video clips in the years ATLA was popular online? Did any of this occur to anyone BUT the blind community?

Doesn’t seem like it.

TOPH AND THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE OF/LESS OF IN BLIND CHARACTERS

I made a post about things I would like to see more/less of in blind characters. You can read it here:

https://blindbeta.tumblr.com/post/637419979125489664/things-i-want-to-see-more-ofless-of-in-blind

Here’s how Toph compares to that!

More of: -Blind main character ✔️ -Blind character of color ✔️ -Active (sports/martial arts) and competitive ✔️ -Acknowledgment of difficulties faced in society ✔️

How They Avoided Things I Wanted Less Of: -Being portrayed as sad or broken because of blindness - Avoided - Toph owns her blindness by giving herself the same The Blind Bandit. The only time she is sad is when facing ableism from her parents.

-Being innocent, helpless, and unrealistically kind or selfless - Toph proves she is not helpless, even directly challenging it in the narrative. - Toph is also not unrealistically kind or selfless, not only insulting other characters- but refusing to help Aang when he needs it because it would change things between her and her parents. She also challenges her parents in the end, putting her desires before their feelings toward their perceptions of her. When she follows Aang, she doesn’t do so only to help him. She has her own want to travel and gain independence. - As for innocence, Toph IS 12, although she is far from naive. She is able to fool her own parents into thinking she is who they want her to be.

-Being portrayed as ungrateful or rude in general - Toph’s rudeness comes from a non-ableist place—herself. She is not rude due to anger about being blind nor rude due to entitlement. She doesn’t accept she doesn’t need and is not demonized for this, even when going against her own parents. Toph’s rudeness is in her personality, making it subversive in avoiding the idea blind people must accept all help and be grateful for it. The narrative does NOT expect Toph to go along with the ‘help’ of her parents or even Aang. She refuses this help until she is ready and willing to receive it.

-Going blind due to accidents or trauma - Toph was born blind

I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO SEE: -more adaptive technology/skills in addition to her bending -how she utilizes her other senses -another blind, minor character somewhere in the show (doesn’t apply to this episode, but still)

Toph is, in the end, a token blind character. It works better because she is a MAIN character, which is still not a common occurrence in modern media at all. Toph works because she does not have any stereotypical traits about her personality, which means the sighted audience does not have to rely on another character to broaden their perspective. However, it is still important to include more than one blind character in your stories. For ATLA, 1 or 2 minor blind characters may have helped, or maybe an additional secondary or even main character with low vision.

Toph has a well-rounded personality, which also means the “token” is not completely applicable to her. Toph is a great character. It would have been nice if she were not the only blind character. In fact, I cannot think of any show that has more than one blind character, as if it is a character quirk that cannot be done more than once.

RANDOM IMAGINES TIME

Now I’m imagining a Zuko whose eyesight was affected by the burn or a Zuko whose father decided he didn’t need that side of face anyway if he could not see out of it. Or an Azula who is blind and still better than Zuko -sticks out tongue-! Or perhaps Sokka or Ty Lee contrasting Toph’s personality and bringing to the table a struggle with a lack of depth perception while hunting or performing in the circus, respectively.

The point is, you don’t have to overload your story with blind characters unless you are setting it at a school or event for the blind. Instead, consider who is blind in your story and who else possibly could be. Consider why you only have one blind character and why.

That about wraps up all my thoughts on Toph. In short, I love her. There are things they could have done better or additions they could have made to improve the episode and Toph’s character as a whole, but she is still one of the most beloved and recognizable blind characters ever. I think that says something about the impression she left on people.

If only she would have been accessible to more blind children from the start.

I hope this review was helpful! If you need help writing blind characters I provide sensitivity reading in exchange for donations. My inbox is also open for questions.