#but the pot is not aligned at all and the sword barely looks like a sword and everything is generally crooked

[moneneki]

An unlikely ally

Pairing: Azula/Jet Rating: T Summary: After a betrayal that scattered everything Azula had built inside Ba Sing Se, she starts to make a new plan.

A short fic for Week 1: Forced to work together/Sickfic/There was only one bed of @atlararepairmonth!

Also, it looked like a particularly good day for some antimonarchist sentiment lol

Scrunching her nose, she didn’t contain the disdain with which she looked around the rickety room. It smelled like dust and misery, like most of the Lower Ring, and it looked much the same way. There was barely any furniture, save from a low table and a couple of small squared tatamis. The window was covered with a crude wooden blind, and she could smell mould on the walls underneath.

She wanted to complain; the petty corner of her mind, the one that was used to get the finest silk gold could buy for draperies that wouldn't even touch her skin, itched at the sharp words gathering in her throat. But she also knew that she had a mission, and that her personal comfort was not paramount to achieve it; therefore, it needed to be discarded.

The silhouette of the one remaining Dai Li guarding outside their lousy hideout provided less relief than she would have liked. He was moving. She observed, tense and ready. At least half of the Dai Li were now back on Long Feng's side…

“Princess, we got some food,” he whispered from the other side of the paper-thin wall.

She exhaled a silent sigh.

“You may bring it in,” she commanded, taking a brief look at the immobile, unconscious runaway next to her. He'd probably need to eat something as soon as he woke up. The problem was, she didn’t know if he’d be able to stomach any kind of solid food.

It had been a rushed decision, taken in a split second, to bring him along while fleeing the Earth Palace. She’d recognized him from the Dai Li reports, back when all of them responded to her. Before the incident in the catacombs; her authority had been undermined one inch too far and so many things had collapsed around her…

Her unexpected companion shifted, bringing her attention back to him. The boy with the hook swords was a trouble-maker, an agitator the Dai Li had finally caught after he’d made a too-bold confrontation with some ‘firebenders’ in the Lower Ring. He hadn’t been wrong; maybe he'd be glad to know that.

His movement prompted her back to action, and she reached for the bag the agent had just left in front of her. One look was enough; the food was somehow worse than the house. The round shape of the bread (she assumed it was supposed to be a steamed bun) made it hard to bite, and its hardness made it impossible. Nevertheless, she persevered and managed to take a chunk off, chewing methodically on the resulting sawdust.

There was a crude ceramic pot inside, and one cup. She decided she'd use it before he needed it, and served herself some of the content. A preliminary sniffing made her suspect it was supposed to be tea.

Rearranging herself on the tatami next to him, she cradled the cup of tea in her hands. She could feel her fingertips warming up, a sign of the chi-blocking wearing off. Those two traitors! It was Zuko's fault, not to align with the right side! Mai and Ty Lee should have let destiny run its course! No wonder she had lost the Dai Li's respect; who would be loyal to a princess whose two closer collaborators betrayed her?

As quickly as she could, she shot down the shock and indignation, the boundless anger, the… 

The hurt.

She buried that word. Hurt meant weakness, and she was not weak. She couldn't afford to; weakness meant dishonor, and dishonor meant disapproval in a world where being in the Firelord's good graces was everything.

Damn them! Mai and Ty Lee turning against her inside Lake Laogai, out of some misplaced sense of 'love', had thrown all of Azula's plans out of their course. It made the Dai Li doubt her, gave Long Feng enough footing to reclaim part of his forces and had left Azula in a more compromised position than she had ever wanted to be, without her bending and relying only on half of a force that ought to remain united.

As her cup let out the first thread of steam, he groaned and blinked, finally waking up.

Predictably spooked, but also bound by the severity of his injuries (some of the younger Dai Li agents could be too harsh), he made an unsuccessful attempt to get away from her.

“Who are you? What is this place? Last thing I saw was the Avatar and that firebender…”

Oh, so he already knew.

“We are back in Ba Sing Se,” was all she said. The rest of the information needed to be dosed carefully. “The Avatar flew away with his friends and his bison.”

The spark of hurt betrayal in his eyes was deeply satisfactory to notice.

“You were wounded, and I thought you were worth helping,” she looked at him.

Indeed, this particular peasant had also managed to become an important figure within the Lower Ring underbelly. A coup orchestrated at the top hadn't worked; one coming from the bottom, from the very foundations…

“Who are you?”

“My name is not important,” she put down the cup of cold tea. “I just share your interests.”

“What do you know about me and my interests?” he bit back, like a cornered animal.

It worked for Azula.

“Oh, some things,” she smiled. “I know you want this city to be free of tyranny…” she shrugged in apparent indifference, and observed with satisfaction the darkening of his frown. “I know you, like many, are tired of monarchs and kings telling you what to do.”

She picked up the teacup again, satisfied at the now uniform heat on her fingertips. 

“You're one of them,” he growled, pointing at her now steaming cup of tea. She didn't try to deny it. “Why do you care to help us?”

“You are right,” she answered, sipping from her cup. “I am a firebender. But bending is not always a show of allegiance, as you might have come to suspect from some of your Lower Ring acquaintances.”

Azula knew for sure that some of the former sympathizers of Jeong Jeong –the old fool– had taken refuge in Ba Sing Se, and frequented the same circles as this self-appointed freedom fighter.

He still didn't seem convinced.

“Suffice to say, I am very invested in seeing the people at the top of this city falling down,” she sipped the mediocre, diluted tea in her cup with complete calmness.

And only after that I may claim this city for my father.

However, he didn't need to know that.

“Do we have a deal?” she extended one hand.

He didn't take it. 

“I don't trust you.” The obvious suspicion on his glare revealed the rush going on inside his mind. “But you could have killed me while I was out. I will cooperate with you this once. Then we’ll see.” 

She smirked; despite his youth, Jet was a better player than Long Feng, she could already sense it in his words. 

“Suit yourself,” she shrugged. “You will see that you can really use my help.”

He snorted.

“It seems to me that you need mine too.”

His words made her smirk widen. She liked this guy… and maybe her respect for him rose an inch.

It would be interesting working with him to make Ba Sing Se fall.

[life-is-not-daijoubu-0]

I present to you, Aya's christmas tree: Bura-chan.

Merry Christmas! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[yostresswritinggirl]

Genshin Boys would be Horrible as Disney Princes

Headcanon and Reader Perspective, Drabble

Sojourner Special (Followers Event)

Despite being the gentleman and sweethearts that they are, in the wrong hands, of badly aligned context and universal rules these boys can barely function as princes given their own ideals.

Diluc in Cinderella

Shortest one, oops.

Our Diluc would honestly be too busy for balls if we're doing this canonically, night time of all times. He's not your prince tonight, he's off somewhere doing Knight stuff...

If by chance you did catch him in the ball and he did indulge you with your dance until you escapaded at midnight, he's not gonna question it.

And since he didn't even REMEMBER your face, the next day just goes on as usual. No decree for searching the whole land for your foot or anything, it's just a normal day after a party.

"They left without a word, no name or promise, who am I to say no when they clearly don't want to stay?"

He's a gentleman. Too gentlemanly...

Childe in Sleeping Beauty

In this scenario, Childe embraces his knight-ness more than the princely aspect. I mean sure, he danced with you in the forest all so lovingly, sang along to your pretty lil voice. But when the prophecy came, his focus changed—

To the thrill of fighting a big ass green fire breathing dragon! Big woah, Childe had soooo much fun fighting it that he didn't even cheese it.

He lived for every hour of the fight and made it as slow as possible. Taunting, playing with his PREY- mid-fight the dragon would realize just how strong and horrifying Prince Childe is, but the entertainment had started, and the dance won't end until Childe wills it.

When he DID finally slay the damned thing, he'll come up to your quarters and stare at your sleeping body, and then think "Hey, if them being put under this spell gave me the fight of the century? What if ANOTHER dragon comes? That would be amazing!" No waking up for you, or the whole city for that matter.

Albedo in Frog Princess

You... You don't even get the chance to be the frog princess in here... simply because he himself REFUSES to change back to normal. You have never met a man so intelligent, much more a frog.

"I know of which you are not, I won't be fooled by cardboard crowns and secondhand dresses," you choke as he berates every fiber of your being, "It matters not, I still have much to learn about the life of an amphibian."

He disappears after that and you've never heard from him ever again, although at the back of your mind you're pretty sure he's a live and well, that bastard is too smart to end up as roadkill.

And well, you're right, he's out there in the world of frogs doing frog things. Triumphant over frog science and the other talking creatures he may meet.

He'll also find a way to revert himself back to normal, either making his own cure or just enlisting the help of a princess to bargain.

He might come to you upon the logic of marriage counting you as princess, but don't get too hyped, you won't be treated as his wife. He'd be too busy putting his frog research into paper...

Zhongli in Beauty and the Beast

A beast he may be, he's still dignified and elegant, upholding his end of the bargain so long as the other does the same.

Your father may have trespassed and have taken some flowers in his domain but well, really it's such a petty crime that can easily be solvable. And even if there needs to be punishment incured...

When you stumble to the mansion in search of your father, ready to take his place from his jail cell, you find him and the beast (ohh half-dragon Zhongles) by an elegant table drinking cups of tea with light conversation. Huh?

"There is no need to fret, your father and I are just discussing the terms of our contract. He spoke of his woodworks that I wish to commission in exchange, such good potential should not be wasted."

You can also, well, pay off things within contract? But either way, it would be hella awakward, he won't impose on your life and most certainly not about the curse when you had so much to live for.

Kaeya in Rapunzel

Little bitch, thru and thru. If Eugene is such a criminal, he's taking it TENFOLD.

He's not even gonna be the slightest bit trustworthy for you, little Rapunzel, because he raises so many red flags your frying pan wouldn't even be enough to threaten him. He probably has a really thick skull, and your resolve won't be able to smack that pretty face.

Bargaining won't work, he'd sleight of hand his way out and get the crown knowing you'd hid it in the pot immediately, and then just backflip outta there.

If you manage to get him to get you out, he's not gonna be of help either. Kaeya would be amused with toying with you, leaving you in the dark as you get scared shitless/dance around with some tavern criminals. Otherwise, ehh...

One way or another, he's gonna find a way to get you off his case. Either forcing you to travel with companions that's headed to the city anyways or forcefully knocking you out and heaving you back to your tower.

"You have a mother that never ages lock you up in this tower? Nu uh, sweetie, I'm not dealing with the dark forces of witchery when I'm already well off with the crown."

He got the crown.

Venti in Snow White

I'm sorry what? Free apples? Eternal sleep in a beautiful bed? He's gonna be glad to just take your place. (Spoilers, he would)

He'd be most definitely entertained with your dwarves, playing his tunes. You life would be filled with his lyre as he plays around, not even caring about the other implications of yours or his status in this woodland forest.

You ran away from home? Cool, freedom, man. Wish he could the same without jeopardizing the kingdom and his family. He'd probably take the apple too just for you~

During your rest, he'll come up with the most eloquent song to play for your seven dwarves as he watches your fate sadly. How peaceful you looked, away from the world and from the grips of death.

The dwarves would force him to please try and break the spell, and he'll shrug and indulge- except it didn't break the spell, as he expected it to be. And they are clueless on who else you had encountered in your life to even spare a true love's kiss.

"How saddening, the princess lays. Maddening to those around as they'd say, if only my kiss was enough for the curse to sway." You died, ouch.

Xiao in Mulan

Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. His voicelines would come in sooooo handy here, oh my goodness.

If you miraculously bypassed his analytical gaze enough to hide your sexuality, you're going to die in his training program. He's not gonna go easy on you, not when the fate of the nation lies upon your capability to keep up. You're gonna go through far worse than what true Mulan went through, and you may or may not just die in the process.

If by chance you survived, this would warrant enough respect to not kill you (oh, you lived) but you better not show up again.

He's never gonna be delighted to see your traitorous face again, he can save China on his own, thank you very much. And you know he can. Try and approach him, and a sword would be at your neck once again.

"Foolish gremlin, you think you had the right to present yourself after the treason you willfully committed? We won't crumble at the loss of one person, your job here is done." How sad.

Cyno in Little Mermaid

First of all, wack, mermaids exist! Sadly, that's nothing new for him. He knows a lot with that intelligent mind of his, so it would be no surprise that the existence of such mythical creatures doesn't make him bat an eyelash. He's been living near water, he's not that stupid.

With that in mind, your presence in your first meeting is going to be bad. Very bad. Cyno knows about sirens and he's not at all gonna fall for it, and if by chance he had known you before the ship was wrecked, he's probably gonna be veryyy keen in capturing you instead.

So if by chance you're stupid enough to interact with him and DESIRE to be on land with him, you're gonna deal with a lot of problems.

You're not getting that kiss easily. No, it's a huge challenge. He'd be repulsed in your naivety and will most likely be more concerned on your voice than ever. He'd be so kind to try and give a shot in helping with the cure but it's not the cure you needed.

He'll drown himself in every literature in full concentration just to see if there's any text he can find about curses and muteness. His curiousity would get the best of him, and you'll barely see him after you managed to explain your predicament without the need for words. Octopus woman doesn't even need to show up to intervene.

"A kiss? Surely not, such ailment won't be cured by fairytale methods." And then he goes back to his library once again. And you will be seafoam the next sunrise. Or was it sunset?

"So now that we've established these grounds," Exiled turns to the other two in the area, "Maybe, these boys would be better off as princesses."

And so the trio concocts a new type of fairytale, collaborated to masterpieces soon after.

@moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel @struggljng @ellitx @kookieyachi @dandelion-dreams

[hyper-fixate]

You wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me - Nicolo POV

First part from Yusuf’s POV here.

Chapter 2 now up on AO3.

[I’m not entirely sure how this chapter happened. It wasn’t meant to happen, I had no plans for it to happen, but here we all are. I ended up writing till 1 AM the other night, woke up, hated everything and ended up having to rewrite this. Then had an on going fight with myself to take out the lines that yes, objectively, were really awesome sounding but did not belong here! And now I’ve got about 3000 words of meta that I gotta come up with another soulmate AU to write about, I guess.

A week ago, my husband jokingly told me to write my own fanfic if I’d read everything else and I brushed it off. But I’m so glad these two burrowed into my brain because this fandom has been so welcoming and so lovely. Every person who reads, likes, reblogs or leaves kudos has made me smile ALL WEEK. And special thanks to ever single person who took the time to leave comments. I am honestly so overjoyed that anyone wants to listen to me wax on about these two adorable nerds.]

——

One of his earliest memories of the dreams were not of the dreams themselves, but rather of the talk about them with his sister, Anthonia. He could not have been much older than four. But he remembered waking to the first of the sun’s rays and he felt such a lightness in his chest. When Anthonia came to get him from his bed, he nearly felt as though he was floating.

‘You are excitable today, dear Nico.’ She smoothed down his tousled hair and pressed a kiss to his crown. He had always been a quiet, solemn child and she found the change in him that morning endearing.

‘My dreams were laughing at me Thea.’ He grinned and dutifully held his arms over his head for her to remove his nightshirt. He didn’t catch her biting her lip or glancing towards the door as she tugged it over her head. ‘And such a laugh! So big.’ He held his hands out to mime a pot belly. ‘Like when Father Manuel laughs.’ He went to show her, breathing in deeply, but she placed a hand over his lips to still him.

‘Nico. My dear. This is wonderful. This is something very special.’ She lowered her voice, with another glance at the door. ‘But we do not speak of our dreams.’

‘Why?’ He asked, with all the wide eyed innocence a child could muster.

‘Because the laugh, it belongs to the love of your life. The person who will fill the other half of your soul.’ She touched his hair again, her eyes going wistful. ‘One day, you will hear it from another’s lips and it will be as if all of God’s graces have come at once.’’

‘That sounds wonderful Thea.’ He looked at her so wide eyed. With eyes so like her mother’s. Anthonia sometimes imagined she heard the ghost of Mama’s laughter, and Papa’s too she supposes, when Nicolo turned those eyes to her. Nicolo could not hear it, but one cannot listen for a sound they never got to hear.

‘Yes, my dear one. It is.’ She cupped his face in her hands and rubbed her nose against his. ‘And I am glad it brings you such joy. But here, now, it is not to be discussed. Not in this house, do you understand? Rafael and the twins know this too. We do not talk about the dreams. Especially not to father. Not ever.’ Nicolo nodded, but he didn’t understand. Not really. Not yet.

‘The person who laughs is to make us happy?’ He asked and she nodded. 'Then why?’

'Sometimes this world can be a harsh and unjust place, Nicolo.’ Her hand strayed to a chain on her neck; the locket that held a plait of their mother’s hair. ‘It’s by God’s grace we have our happiness but others may not. And it may be a kindness to them, to keep our happiness here.’ She gently placed her palm on his heart. 'There is so much in this world that is beyond our knowing Nico, so much that is for God alone. But we can choose what we do. And we should always choose to be kind.’

So Nicolo kept his secret. A bright, wondrous secret, that felt so warm in his young heart. And every night he heard the laughter in his dreams and awoke with a smile on his lips.

Nicolo was only six when he began to understand God’s plans did not always match his own. It could be argued the unfortunate coupling of Nicolo’s birth and his mother’s death was a clear sign God and Nicolo’s plans had never properly aligned, but that blasphemous thought did not occur to him until later. Anthonia came rushing home from the beach, her cheeks ruddy and wind chapped. She brimmed with so much energy he felt dazed by the proximity. He felt the warmth in her smile and in her eyes and it hit him as a dizzying blow. His father’s house, like its master, still mourned and this joy felt so out of place here.

She had met a man, Giacomo, and she had made him laugh.

They married in the spring and Anthonia was beautiful, like an angel from scripture. She took Nicolo’s face in her hands and bent down to rub her nose against his. There were glittering tears in her eyes but they did not spill, even as Nicolo’s were rushing down his cheeks. She kissed him goodbye. She promised to return, but he knew that it would never be the same.

Nicolo did not have the heart for much laughter then.

It was Nicolo’s tenth birthday when divine intervention plagued him once again. Anthonia had promised to come, with his nieces, and Nicolo could barely contain his glee. A strange energy seemed to fill the house and everyone felt it. The twins, always a handful, felt whipped into mania and decided to steal the cake from the cook. With great whoops and hollers, they raced through the halls, tossing it between them. Nicolo ran deliriously alongside. As the twins turned a corner, they decided to include Nicolo in the fun. Shrieking, he dove blindly for his prize.

Only to run directly into their father, Offredo, and priest, Father Manuel. Nicolo ended up on the floor. The cake ended up in Manuel’s hair and Offredo’s coat.

Nicolo could not help himself. He laughed. A loud noise that almost seemed to crack the very air in the house.

The two cake-covered men shared a look that instantly cut the laugh from Nicolo’s lungs. Within two months, Offredo di Genova oversaw his youngest child take his vows.

Nicolo found even less reasons for laughter then.

He answered Pope Urban II’s call to retake the Holy Land because he felt called to do God’s will. This, he reasoned, was where he and God could agree. Which would finally, hopefully, be enough to earn his rightful place in the kingdom of heaven. Nicolo never considered that heaven might spit him back out.

When he awoke after his first death, clutching at his stomach, pulling apart his tunic to check for the gaping wound he can reflexively still feel, the one stupidly clear thought he managed to knock together was this: Must I always be born from death?

And then a rather familiar, bloodied blade cut into his vision and everything went dark again.

God, it turned out, didn’t even have the decency to send Nicolo back alone. He spat back out his enemy as well. Nicolo, in his admittedly limited earthly experience, had looked at the events before him and assumed the two events to be linked. So Nicolo killed the Muslim again. And again. And again. Until, woozy from the stench of their combined blood, he looked up to an outstretched hand instead of a blade and, without really understanding why, he took it.

Learning Yusuf spoke Greek was a pleasant surprise, though, admittedly, Nicolo had not used it for many years. The speed at which Yusuf picked up zeneize was also a pleasant enough happenstance, and Nicolo told himself he was not in any way jealous. But the language that Yusuf spoke refused to lie still on Nicolo’s tongue. It slipped and flowed like poetry out of Yusuf’s mouth and seemed to tumble out of Nicolo’s, heavy as mud.

But then everything about his companion was poetic, his mind unhelpfully supplied in the long march through the desert. The darker man’s movements with his sword or on a horse were always measured. The soft words that he whispered as he prayed five times a day soothed something in Nicolo’s worried soul. The easy way Yusuf made friends in the villages they passed. The endless patience in which he repeated any word Nicolo asked.

How that first night, after they had come to the agreement not to murder one another in their sleep, Nicolo had woken to find Yusuf’s cloak draped over his shivering frame while his companion had begun his morning prayers.

But we can choose what we do. And we should always choose to be kind, Anthonia had said, during a life he no longer recognised. Sometimes, when Nicolo looked at the endlessly kind Yusuf, all he could see was the blood he’d drawn from him. And he was ashamed.

This blood was so familiar to him. He imagined he could tell the difference of it’s hot spill across his face, his side, to the bandit’s blood from only moments before. His mind was racing, his body no longer under his command as one hand pressed desperately to Yusuf’s chest and the other gripped the arrow he had just pulled from Yusuf’s throat.

‘Please wake up, my friend. Please Yusuf.’ He saw his hand moving, touching Yusuf’s neck, his cheek, the rough curve of his beard. He did not remember telling his hand to move. ‘You cannot leave me here alone.’

Yusuf awoke with a violent gasp. Nicolo felt his own heart thump widely. His breath seemed to rush from him, leaving him dizzy. ‘What happened?’ Yusuf asked, his voice rough from pain, but strong. Nicolo sat back on his feet. He had been on his knees, bending over Yusuf as if in prayer. He could not remember the last time he had prayed.

‘Bandits.’ Nicolo willed his voice to be even, but he didn’t think he managed it. He indicated towards the bodies he knew would be there, but didn’t look. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Yusuf. ‘They shot you with an arrow.’ He held up the arrow, still clutching it so hard he thought it might snap. ‘You did not wake up. Not until I pulled out the arrow. I had thought-’ He was babbling now. A sharp pain in his chest cut him off. Nicolo had a sudden vision of himself sitting there, bowed in prayer, as the night passed and the sun rose. Waiting for a breath that would not come. ‘I was wondering if your stubborn refusal to die was just at my hand.’

Nicolo had not meant to say that out loud. He had not meant for the fear he had felt to force itself from his lips. But the way Yusuf looked at him now, the softening of the other man’s eyes, made him feel naked as a babe.

‘Are you well?’ Yusuf reached out, as if to touch him. Nicolo felt the tension in every inch of his skin. Would he know that touch, as he knew the other man’s blood? ‘Did they hurt you?’ Yusuf asked softly, pulling his hand back.

‘This is mostly yours.’ Nicolo said, still feeling the sticky heat across his skin. ‘It sprouted out of you like a fountain when I pulled this out.’ He threw the arrow from his hands then, unable to bear the weight of it any longer. He rubbed a hand across his cheek and felt the smear of blood. He grimaced ‘How bad is it?’

‘For you? It’s an improvement.’ Yusuf said in absolutely perfect zeneize, completely seriously. The adrenaline and fear shimmered out of Nicolo’s blood. He felt almost drunk with relief and he couldn’t help himself.

He laughed.

The next moments were so sudden, so unexpected, Nicolo’s brain took almost a full thirty seconds to catch up to the reality of what was happening. Yusuf was in his lap. Nicolo was painfully trapped with his arse half on his feet and half his pack. Yusuf’s hands bracketed his face. His mind spun. His hands grasped instinctively for a weapon that he knew was out of reach. He wondered if Yusuf would rub his nose to Nicolo’s as Anthonia used to do. He unhelpfully acknowledged that he did know the feeling of Yusuf’s skin just as intimately as his blood. And then he wondered why he was thinking about that at this exact moment.

Yusuf was shushing him, softly, gently. He pressed Nicolo’s hair away from his face with trembling fingers and stared into his eyes as if he could divine Nicolo’s very thoughts. Nicolo wished to blink. Looking at Yusuf’s eyes like this was as if staring into the endless night sky.

‘What are you doing?’ Nicolo wanted to moan at the dismal way the Arabic toppled from his tongue. His mind was writing poetry and his mouth refused to bring the words to fruition. He huffed out a small laugh at his own absurdity.

And with that small sound, Yusuf seemed to find what he was looking for. He smiled and Nicolo re-evaluated his previous reflection. Having the full enormity of Yusuf al-Kaysani’s smile turned upon you, that was as if being blinded by the sun.

Yusuf threw his head back and laughed.

Nicolo’s entire mind seemed to narrow to one point. One bright, flashing moment of understanding. Energy sizzled in his veins and for a moment he felt as he had done at first death, trapped between two worlds. The one that had been, and the one that would be.

‘Mio Dio.’ Nicolo gasped. Yusuf laughed again.

And Nicolo finally knew, in that moment, what it meant to be born from joy, not death.

Prologue (kinda)

‘After my first death, when I did not dream of any laughter for those many months. I worried my death meant my soul was no longer bound to the same man.’ Nicky says slowly, sipping his coffee

‘Ha, as if you could get rid of me, hayati.’ Joe leans back in his chair and nudges Nicky with his foot.

‘I would never have tried.’ Nicky replies easily. ‘I used to rush to bed after Compline so I could get to sleep, just to hear your laugh. It was the best part of my day.’ Nicky reaches across the table, offering his hand palm up. Joe takes it.

‘Okay, come on Nile.’ Andy screws the lid back onto her liquor and shrugs into her jacket. ‘We’re off.’

‘Why?’ Nile asks, standing up as Andy pulls her t-shirt and moves her towards the door. Behind her, she hears the sound of a chair scraping across the floor and a low voice.

‘And now, tesoro? Is being in bed still your favourite part of the day?’

Nile speeds up and practically throws herself out the door as Andy laughs.

[stormhawksplanb]

Storm Hawks Fanfic: Plan “B”

Chapter 4

I was so focused on Gyro. I was so worried about gear and whether or not she'd find help that I didn't even hear, and just barely felt, the effects of a sleep crystal arrow digging its way into my back. The explosive impact sent me forward as I saw more and more of the back of my eyelids. I was knocked out cold. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't get the chance to save my Terra.

-Out of Nova's POV-

The sun had started to set by the time the storm hawk's had gathered back up at the condor. Stork had been the one to call the search off, and told everyone there was an emergency meeting in the lower docks. Aerrow with, Radarr on his shoulder, had walked aboard the ship followed by Piper, Finn, Junko, and a white fuzzy stowaway that no one seemed to notice even sneak onto the ship.

"Alright Stork. What's the big emergency? You sounded pretty stressed out over it." Aerrow had his arms crossed his chest. Aerrow himself was concerned about stork, and was hoping nothing happened to Nova on their search. His intentions of pairing them up together was so Nova could track down her friend quicker without the distractions of others. And the fact it would give stork a chance to get off the Condor.

"I sounded distraught because I AM!"

Everyone in the room jumped at the raise in his voice, not fully expecting it.

"Nova and I found her friend, which was a ferret by the way, not even an actual person, and you want to know who~ else~ we found?"

Finn took this opportunity to take a crack at making a joke.

"Let me guess, a Cyclonian?"

The others chuckled at him. But they soon stopped when they realized the serious nature of storks lack of amusement. Or his lack of any response.

"Wait- seriously?"

Piper pushed herself front and center of the group.

"Are you sure Stork? Did you hit-"

"I DIDN'T HIT MY HEAD! It was Ravess, she was working with Gyro, and they had a load of illegally captured animals. All rare breeds, and bog howlers. Something is wrong, very wrong..."

A crash was heard coming from inside another part of the ship. Everyone, already a bit shaken up due to storks outburst, was already on guard and a weary quiet fell over them as they followed the noises. The closer they got the more it sounded like rattling pots, and a few broken plates. Whatever was on the ship sounded quick.

Aerrow had peeked his head around the corner first and then gave the signal for everyone to jump out into the kitchen.

"Whoever you are, come out where we can see you!"

A small moment passed of more silence before a tiny, albino ferret head popped out of a bowl of fruit, sitting on the island counter. A small chirp of urgency followed.

"Isn't that the ferret you told us about?"

Aerrow looked at stork, watching as Stork's eyes widened at the little furry 'rodent' from earlier.

"I-it is. That's gear..."

And on cue it clicked to everyone what was happening, and Junko was the one to outwardly acknowledge everyone's thought.

"But where's Nova?"

-Back to Nova's POV-

This is the most deviating I've ever felt. I was captured after being knocked out. I was stuck in a cage with the other creatures and they all cried out for the desire of freedom. To roam on their home terras. There were all sorts of Species. Bog Howlers, Four toed spotted Bats, Vapor Iguanas, they even had rare species like the illusive Spear Headed Gator. It was highly illegal to hunt and capture these animals due to their toxic, or chaotic attributes. If you wanted to hunt one down there was a grueling wait period and paperwork you needed to fill out. But something tells me there was no process involved.

Time ticked by as I realized we were taking off, and flying away from the Terra. My heart sank as no one came for me. I'm glad Gear got out and escaped, but now I'm a prisoner. And there's no telling what Gyro was going to do to me. I just hoped it was mostly painless. I felt the tears boil up and fall. My positive nature was completely swept away by despair.

I must have passed out again after crying because I woke up to the sound of something in the vents above the supply room I was kept in. The next thing I knew Aerrow had dropped down.

"Hey there Nova. A little Birdy told us that you needed a hand with your mission."

He winked at me and cut open the bars with his crystal powered dual swords. The bars fell away and I quickly stepped out, making sure to wipe my eyes, and I felt a gazillion times better.

"She found you! Oh thank Atmosia, I was about to really lose it for a second!"

He nods at me, and hushes me.

"Come on, we need to get you out of here."

"But what about all these creatures?"

"Oh I wouldn't worry about that. We pulled some strings and when Ravess lands, she's gonna have a little welcoming party waiting for her."

He smiled at me from behind, and I smiled back. Making our way to one of the emergency exit doors that lead off the ship.

"So, skyknight, what's the next move?"

He opens the door and steps back, ushering me to... Jump!?

"What!? No way! I know you lot are crazy, but not insane-"

Then I heard the familiar sound of a skimmer floating near the door. Looking back and it was Junko, giving me a goofy grin.

"Where to miss?"

I chuckled at him, and jumped aboard. Aerrow grabbing our attention.

"I have a few things I have to check out. Junko is going to drop you off on the condor with stork and gear. Junko I need to meet me at rendezvous mock B."

And as soon as Junko nodded we flew off under the clouds below where the condor was hanging from some spiked ledges from a rocky mountain. We hand a bit of a bumpy landing, and a slide into the Hanger Bay, before he let me off, waved, and flew away. It didn't take long before the doors behind me opened and I saw stork and gear appear behind it.

"GEAR!"

I shouted and knelt down on one knee for her to climb into my soft embrace. Letting her, once again, claim the space on my shoulder after a few victory laps around my hopped arms.

"Oh isn't that just nice."

The poisoning tone stork used put me back into that negative mood from earlier. He was staring me down and shook his head at me. Part of me wishes I fought to stay with Aerrow on the other half of their mission.

I followed Stork further onto the condor, all the way admiring the vintage carrier ship. It was nice. Everything looked almost new. The Raptor Scientist or Terra Bogaton really did recreate the Condor. I thought the rumors of the condor being blown up were false.

Even though I know what the ship looked like from beforehand, I never got to look at it, and actually appreciate the workmanship. The pipes were all aligned with as few dents as possible. The muted red and metallic patterns on the door were old fashioned, but not out of style for a carrier ship. Everything was beautiful.

"This is a nice ship. I never noticed how much care went into until now..."

I got almost no response. Not until we hit the Cockpit section of the ship.

"Well I was the one who oversaw all the details, and blueprints. Not that you'd understand that."

I bit my tongue hoping this whole 'Ravess is back and causing trouble for everyone' thing was the only reason why he was so grouchy. Especially towards me. I mean, it's not like I'm a fan of the storm hawks or anything. Ok, yeah no. This sucked.

Thankfully it took Aerrow and the others almost no time to get back, and we headed back to Terra Atmosia, the Terra I wanted to be at anyway. I was a contestant on an art show. The others were relatively excited when I told them what I do for a living.

"Wow- you're really talented!" Piper said, which made me blush at the compliment

"you should draw the Finnster- I bet I'd make the most profitable painting." Cue finger guns, and me having to explain that I go by Commissions, and not prints.

"That's fine, that's cool."

As we landed Piper had pulled me aside, out in the hallway.

"So while the boys were messing around with Ravess and Gyro, I happened to come across something more worthwhile."

She pulled out of her satchel a colorful crystal.

"MY NOVA CRYSTAL!"

I went to snatch it from her, and immediately put it back into it's metal box. I had already explained to Piper what would happen if someone activated my crystal without taking the proper precautions. One of those dangers being you'd probably melt the skin of your hand off.

"Oh thank Atmos! I owe you one Piper!"

She chuckled at me and we went off for me to sign into the contest.

Walking up to the sign up stand, I looked around to all the other artists and smiled widely. They have no idea what they're all in for. But just before I could write my name on the board, an elderly gentleman snatched the pencil.

"Sorry miss, but you missed the deadline by 20 minutes. Try again next year..."

He turned away, and it only then dawned on me that the whole stand was pretty much packed up.

"Oh... Right..." Taking a deep sigh I turned around, facing the storm hawks.

Aerrow walked up to me, and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. But like he said, maybe next year."

"But the headmaster of the COGA won't be judging. That was my only chance to make an impression.

"Coga?" Finn pressed his eyebrows together in curiosity.

"What's a Coga?"

(A/N: For those on mobile, if you haven’t read the first handfull of chapters you’re missing out! Here’s a link to the masterlist!)

https://myhushhushdarling.tumblr.com/PlanB

[ruinfell]

[DRABBLE] Marksmanship

The void was a dangerous place. It was far from empty, like one may assume, but instead unpredictable; the dark depths held untold horrors that knew exactly how to strike when they were least expected.

Expecting someone did not help ease Tokaku in the slightest, as he waited in the unlit clearing. Why Llyr had not simply extended his influence and made space for them, he did not know, but he assumed that the unease was intended to be instilled. Llyr and his beloved companion – Tokaku's usual tutor – were much of the same ilk.

Men who delved into the darkness and adapted within it, rather than run away from it.

This rabbit did not wait helplessly, as the very nature of their meeting was to be of tutelage. Llyr had spied the moment in which Tokaku's long-forgotten weapon had come to fore, and recognised it, albeit with some disdain, as kindred to his own lost arms.

He clutched more tightly to his rifle, kept it level and readied, as the unease seeped further into his bones. He did not keep still: there was no pacing, but he turned on the spot, looked around, made sure that his back was not facing the same way for too long.

His paranoia served him well when a sudden clamour came from the dark.

The flash of light hit his vision before anything else could, and he tumbled aside, stumbling to his feet and raising his weapon—

"TOO SLOW. Far too slow!"

The sound carried before light reached its speaker, and Tokaku's expression dropped into an all too displeased frown. Llyr had finally arrived, blowing smoke away from the barrel of his pistol, and holding his cutlass at the ready. Its unnatural surface still held the dancing sparks of gunfire, for far longer than it ought to. "I could have shot again already," the rattish man chided, "and you would be dead."

Tokaku had no doubt of that, but it was still a dick move. He just barely restrained his annoyance. "Did you come here to take pot shots at me, or did you come here to teach me something?" He grumbled, firing off a pot shot of his own. He'd feel smug for it, if it weren't a genuine inquiry.

Llyr was not particularly humoured. He was finding it a struggle to deal with his mirror, despite Nero's insistence that he cease indulging his hypocrisy. His blade is sheathed, and he holsters his gun. If Tokaku wanted to be taught, then, he would teach him.

He approached his new student, and began to readjust him without warning. "First off: do not fucking brandish your rifle like a club." His hands are moved about his firearm, repositioned as the smaller of the pair saw fit. Squared his shoulders, angled his arms correctly, straightened out his gun. "It is a vehicle for bullets, but not only that. You must think of it as an extension of your body. And you will treat it with the respect it is owed."

Tokaku kept his protest within, realising that he would get nowhere arguing at this point. He did, after all, ask for instruction. He wanted to remain open, no matter how admonishing Llyr wanted to be towards him. He also had something to prove.

Llyr sidled up, making sure everything was aligned. He stepped away once he was certain everything was how he wanted it, and huffed gently. (It seemed he'd been picking habits up from someone.)

"Perhaps you are not completely hopeless."

Tokaku had to resist rolling his eyes, though it was quite a feat to. Instead, he held his position.

Llyr noticed something. It was he who had to keep his composure then, choosing to frown instead with scrutiny, and narrow his sockets, rather than let himself smirk at all like he almost wanted to. "You at least remember not to put your fucking finger on the trigger if you are not fucking firing. That is something."

He set himself back a few strides, removing himself from Tokaku's view completely, and then casting a hand out before him, as though gesturing ahead.

For a moment, Tokaku was confused… until a few shapes rose from the nothing beneath them. White bones; magic bullets. They arranged themselves at varying distances, and remained stationary in the positions they set themselves in, for now. Llyr was creating a shooting range.

"You apparently remembered well enough how to use the bayonet," Llyr said with no small amount of annoyance, as he believed swords were for swinging, guns were for shooting, and bayonets meant you were doing neither effectively. "Let us see if you remember how to fire it."

It was not something Tokaku remembered consciously. He knew well enough the steps required to fire a rifle, as it was a process of logic having studied the gun and its base mechanisms. He also knew that, logically, guns needed to be loaded. He'd no shot or gunpowder; they were not things he would ever need to possess, he felt, even carrying a firearm. He'd only gotten half way through telling himself that he could not be expected to fire his weapon when he had nothing to feed into the barrel… when the sharp contrast of the bones in the distance distracted him enough from his looping fallacy to remind him of a very simple and helpful truth.

He could just make bullets.

To make that realisation felt like a puzzle piece clicking into place, and all at once the picture made itself obvious. Most firearms of his day had required barrel loading of ammunition; for a musket of this era and design you would expect it to be loaded with a precise amount of gunpowder, then a lead ball as the ammunition. Another, finer gunpowder was loaded into the pan of the rifle, so that it could be struck alight by the flint and frizzen mechanisms. However, all of these mechanisms were completely unnecessary to a monster, because a monster had magic, which could substitute for the gunpowder and the ammunition both. Magic could be a catalyst, or it could be formed into a solid state that could enact purpose, such as inflicting damage when impacting something it is launched at.

Tokaku followed through the steps carefully, writing and then reading through instruction in his head as though he were speaking it aloud to his instructor as explanation. (Llyr could see the cogs moving, even.) A charge of magic was laid within the muzzle of his musket, and a round magic bullet rested up against it, all without Tokaku moving from his carefully adjusted position. He loaded just enough magic into the pan, cocked the hammer back, moved his finger to the trigger, lined his sight up with the nearest white bone, took a deep breath, and—

BANG.

Tokaku's careful positioning had been broken, but not before a flash of light pierced through the empty blackness and right through the nearest white bone, dead center. The bone shattered outward, and its shards dissipated upward. He was stunned, staring at what had once been a bullet in some disbelief that he had been the one to break it.

Llyr let himself smile just a little this time. It disappeared as soon as Tokaku looked back at him, but the void had eyes enough to have bore witness.

"So you do remember how to fire it. We will actually be able to get somewhere. Now shoot the rest down, and do not be so dramatic about the recoil, will you? You built the bloody thing, it is not going to blow your arm off."

Tokaku fixed him with a look. "How do you know I built it?" He didn't know that. He knew the gun was his, he felt it was, but he'd no idea where it came from, other than it evidently having been in his possession upon his death and erasure from reality.

"Because," Llyr answered, "how else would you know how it works? It is exactly as my pistol, which I built. Magic-fed, because it gives the advantage of not having to faff about reloading in the thick of battle. We are fucking alternates, you fool." A fact he at least told himself he was loathe to accept… but maybe he did appreciate it a little more now than he did before, seeing how quickly Tokaku remembered, and how finely his arm worked. And how much easier it made teaching and explaining things, when he could draw on latent experience and knowledge, and had a rough idea of what his student was capable of if he actually put his mind to it.

It also helped that Tokaku was a surprisingly open-minded student, at least now. He had been a very close-minded man before, and Llyr had not forgotten the way he spoke to him, his friends, and his partner. Yet, Nero lended his aid readily, and Tokaku took his lessons on board with little to no resistance. Llyr had seen for himself the horned man's graduation from quivering mess on the floor to, maybe, a passable swordsman.

He kept a close eye on him, now, as the rifle lined up with each target before blasting it into the nothingness. Some targets became a challenge, as Llyr began to move them: in very specific patterns at first, but becoming less like a pathed movement, and more like a dangling carrot with the last few.

Tokaku shot down each one with care in his precision. He took his time with this task, recognising it well enough as opportunity to familiarise himself further with his bonded weapon. With each shot he could feel how the magic flowed through it, and study the mechanisms, not just through sight, but through sensation too. He became quicker with each shot, until the last few were fluid twitches and motions that seemed as natural a motion as turning one's head.

Llyr had gotten lost in the dance of it all, evidently, as, when the final bone shattered and the music ended, he found Tokaku was staring at him in a great manner of confusion.

"Why do you look so pleased with yourself?" He almost sounded offended, but he was a bit past taking offense with the look on Llyr's face. He was often just unreasonably smug, he'd noticed, and it wasn't intentionally provocative. His face was just stuck like that.

This time there was definitely a reason, and Llyr felt a little embarrassed for being caught out.

"... Well," said Llyr, finally managing words, but not liking how his face lit up a bit with the first sound that left him, "maybe I am a little pleased to see a firearm handled properly."

There was another moment of Tokaku being stunned… before he began to laugh. Not a mean or condescending laugh; a sound made by someone who was quite relieved to realise that a rather intimidating person was not nearly as scary as they had tried to make themselves look. It was not the first time he had had this experience, and he was sure it would not be the last. Llyr's embarrassment at his honesty was very much from a place of not understanding his feelings, and, for Tokaku, seeing that was like looking in a mirror.

Llyr truly had not wanted to let go of his distrust and disdain for Tokaku, and, now that he had been forced to, he had been left vulnerable — not to Tokaku, but to himself.

"You said it yourself!" Tokaku barked through his laughter, "We are alternates, you fool!"

Llyr didn't feel any less embarrassed to hear his words parroted back at him… but the humour with which his mirror took such a thing, did make him feel a little less awkward.

He just about regained his composure, albeit notably lacking in threat now. "Enough of that, you tittering twat. One more round of targets and then you can fuck off and eat carrots or whatever it is you do when you're not running away from swords. I am tired of you." The jabs came a bit thicker, but they had noticeably much less sharpness to them now.

Tokaku's laughter tapered off, and he leveled his rifle up to the forming target range once more, with a renewed determination.

[authorellenmint]

“Hold still!”

I stood sentinel in the corner watching Cullen attempt to wrestle a giddy eight-year-old in place. While she’d usually give in after a show of cajoling from her father, the allure of a mountain of candy kept her twitching about like leaves in the wind.

“Mar, I swear to the Maker,” he sighed as she slipped from his arms and dashed for the plate of cooling spaghetti on the table. Five orange noodles slithered into her puckered mouth, yellow and red stains slapping against both her cheeks and the grey fabric hanging too precariously off her shoulders.

Without a by-your-leave, Cullen locked his arm around his daughter’s waist and hauled her into the air. Those same burning amber eyes tried to curse at her father for interrupting her dinner, but she had no recourse as he plopped her on top of the kitchen counter.

“Da-ad!” she groaned, her arms flopping to the sides in exaggerated annoyance.

“This is too long,” Cullen yanked up the hem of the tunic/robe that without shoes on piled at her feet. “I need to pin it up.” He blindly fished for the plastic bottle crammed full of the safety pins while having to keep both eyes on our daughter.

“It’s fine,” Marie rolled her eyes sky high, an adult sigh of exasperation escaping her lips.

“You’ll trip and break your nose,” he insisted, already bunching up the ends of her costume and pinning it in place.

“But I ha’ to eat dinner!” she complained, wiggling at her knees despite being high off the floor. One glare at her father paused the jostling but she jabbed at her nearly congealed plate of pasta. Ever since it was fished steaming out of the pot, Marie would run into the kitchen, cram a handful into her mouth, then dash to her room to add another layer to her costume.

It was a surprise this year. One she cobbled together all by herself, if my paying for the various pieces at the store didn’t count as helping. As Trick-Or-Treating grew closer, she’d try to make us guess, growing angry at how off the mark we were. All of Cullen’s answers had been some form of a witch, which was usually when she’d stomp off to her room in a huff and start gluing rhinestones on.

The beleaguered father concerned about his daughter’s nose turned to me for backup. Unfolding my arms, I stepped closer to the pair. “He’s right.” That was clearly the wrong answer as she blew her fallen hair up. “You don’t want to break that pretty nose of yours.”

“Maybe I do!” Marie insisted. “Get a kitty bandage on it, all the ice cream I can eat, and I can miss school.”

“Ice cream…?” Cullen glanced to me and I shrugged. There’d been a rash of tonsillectomies in her class and all Marie got out of it was unlimited ice cream. “No, you don’t want a broken nose. You’re not getting a broken nose. Not on my watch.”

Luckily, our daughter was blessed to know when she was beat. With a roll of her eyes, she pronounced, “Fine.”

Without her interference, Cullen made quicker work bundling up the too long strip of fabric Marie industriously cut a hole into to shove her head through. It dangled above her ankles in an asymmetrical line, but as she was placed back onto the ground, Marie gave a twirl. The heavier safety pins helped increase the reach which she giggled at.

Secure in her not-breaking-her-nose costume, she dashed back to the cold spaghetti. After dumping another mass of parmesan onto the plate, Marie slurped down the rest of the dinner she had to finish before making her rounds.

Speaking of. I checked the clock on the microwave and groaned. Cullen caught the move, his hand wrapped around the small of my back as he leaned close. “I have to leave soon. Rounds starts in a half hour and with all the kids about to flood the street…” Rather than repeat my woes to the man who knew them as well as his own, I wrapped my arms around his chest.

He cuddled his palm to the back of my head, worrying the straining muscles in the nape of my neck. “Don’t worry. I can handle this,” Cullen whispered, the scruff on his chin scraping over my forehead.

The rattle of porcelain caused us to both look over as our daughter held up her spaghetti-stained hands to declare, “Done!”

I laughed at the messy child, already yanking up a towel to scrub her down for her long ghost walk. “It’s not you I’m worried about,” I said to Cullen as our child in grey dashed back to her room to finish changing.

Cullen slotted in beside me, a hand wrapped around my shoulders as if to prop me up. We were both facing a very long night. “Take lots of pictures,” I said.

“I always do,” he chuckled, fishing out his industrious and always full phone.

“Make sure to take her down main street, with the hayrack,” I kept instructing him.

“I remember. And I doubt Mar will let me forget.”

“And,” I nuzzled my lips against his ear, my hot breath tickling his skin as I said, “nick me a few candy bars.”

His proud-but-cautious father edifice cracked as a sly smile flitted about his lips. Enveloping my waist with his hand, his amber eyes burned down upon me as he whispered, “Why, you are so devious I might have to run you in.”

My finger brushed against his lip, aligning with the white scar perched upon the top before sliding down. His sultry bottom lip lapped out from the pull, the wet heat of his mouth warming my finger and other parts. “I’ll hold you to that,” I said, hoisting myself tighter to his body as I raised up for a kiss.

“Let’s go!” the apple of my eye shrieked, shattering the moment. To emphasize that she was in no mood to wait around while her parents necked, she slapped her hands, rattling the empty pumpkin bucket. “Well…!”

With a resigned acceptance, we both turned from the rain-check kiss to find our daughter wearing a pair of angel wings ripped from her old Christmas costume, dragon slippers meant for the bedroom, a tiara perched upon her head, and a Zorro mask slipping off her unbroken nose.

“No!” Cullen stomped towards her, “No, no, no, you are not wearing all of that.”

“Mom!” Marie cried, already dipping into her well of emergency tears.

“Take those shoes off,” he ordered, jabbing at the flimsy slippers. “They do not belong outside of the house. And you will trip in them. You can barely walk in the living room, never mind the streets!” Cullen was in full wet hen mode, his feathers fluffed as he intended to shuffle his baby under his wings for protection. Poor Marie kept shooting me pleas to rescue her.

“You know the rules, young lady,” I said instead, crossing my arms. We had to be a united front or she’d walk all over us.

Red burned across her cheeks, Marie debating if throwing a tantrum was worth missing out on candy. Whether it was my cool head, or her father’s tactical ingenuity that won over, Marie yanked off her slippers and tossed them at the couch. She still got off one more, “Fine!” to drive home how angry she was about this.

Cramming on her school sneakers as fast as possible, Marie eyed up both of us then leapt to her feet. She was almost to the door handle, before her dad said, “Wait. The mask.”

“Come on!”

“Masks are dangerous. That one could slip, cut off your line of visibility, and you’d walk into a truck,” Cullen ordered, marching to the girl who gripped so hard to the door handle she looked about to break it.

“Mo-om!”

I slipped a hand over my daughter’s shoulders that were trembling at such an injustice. “You know how it works in this house, Mar,” I said, getting a major eye roll at the reminder that rules existed. “We listen to two of Dad’s inane fears, and ignore the third.”

“What…?” Cullen sputtered. “It is not inane —”

“Thanks, Mom!” Marie pecked a kiss to my cheek, trying to cement that there was no chance her father could win this. I did make certain to re-tie the knot on her mask so it had little chance of slipping.

“Now, stand there so I can take some pictures,” I ordered, plucking out my phone. There was no usual glare from my baby shifting closer to becoming a teenager with every day. She was proud of her costume, even if she did have to lose the feet.

While Marie posed, often stretching her arms wide as if she was flying, or doing the fake muscle-man grunts, Cullen sidled up beside me. “But the mask…”

“I’m certain you’ll keep our daughter from being hit by a truck, or a meteorite, or cursed by a witch. You can’t shield her from everything,” I whispered to the man who no doubt saw a teetering toddler when looking at Marie instead of the jungle-gym scaling grade-schooler we had.

“One day she won’t even need me,” he whispered to himself, a sheen of tears misting over his eyes.

Slipping the phone away, I brushed my cheek against his chest as I embraced the father facing the march of time. “To fight all of her battles, yes. But to be there for her…?” His chest rumbled at the truth, Cullen burying his nose in my hair as we both breathed in the future for our tiny fighter.

“Da-ad! We need to go before all the good candy’s gone!” Marie’s pleas broke up our maudlin session.

Cullen nodded, a hand rustling over the back of his neck. “Okay, Mar. We can head out now.”

“Finally,” she pronounced at the parents who kept ruining her life. As Cullen reached the front door, one hand sliding on his light jacket, Marie suddenly thrust a plastic sword at him.

He blinked in confusion, hesitant to accept the fake blade. “What’s this for?”

“To defend me from the monsters, duh!” Marie pronounced, shaking her head at her father’s foolishness.

With the seriousness of a knight accepting an order from his Queen, Cullen tucked the plastic sword into his belt. He bowed deep to Marie who was already bolting out the front door and down the front steps. Following behind, I watched the pair walk across our driveway to the first house. Our little girl was flapping her arms around, telling her father precisely how to kill all the monsters with his sword. Cullen listened with rapt attention.

[kaylacantadult]

NaNo Day 1: Nightmare

Words Written: 1685

Total Word Count: 1685

Goal: 50,000 words

How it Went: Today was kind of hard for me, I’ve barely scraped my word count in at 11:45 (over an hour past my bedtime btw). It wasn’t my best writing; the wording is mediocre, the plot is nonexistent, the characters say things that don't make sense, and my details are vague, but you know what? I finished the day, and I like where it’s going and that's what really matters! This weekend is going to be tough for me because I have so many assignments to finish, but I feel really motivated to push through! 

Content Warning: mentions of sex at the end. Nothing explicit.

Snippet of Prompt 1: Your nightmares start invading reality a little bit at a time.

      It started a few months ago, out of the corner of my eye I would see it; a quick flash as I checked my rearview mirror, an odd reflection on windows as I passed. It was so dark it absorbed any light that came near it, it lived in perpetual darkness. It didn’t bother me at first. I was used to strange things happening around me. I had a knack for drawing the occult towards me. I was three when I met my first witch, seven when I found my first vampire, twelve when I accidentally found Mothman. Things that go bump in the dark don’t scare me because usually, they were actually pretty nice. The witch I met gave me a small pendant that I still wore around my neck. It was protection from the others that moved at night.

      I’ve met ghouls, ghosts, were-creatures, giant spiders, reapers, angels, and devils, all of them perfectly nice, none threatening or mean. They just wandered the earth like I did, looking for some purpose to find. Once it began invading my life more, I invested in better locks for my doors and windows and started calling all the witches I knew for protection. I could hear it every night now, its talons scraping against my roof as I tried to sleep, its high pitched cry echoed through the valley every night.

      It disappeared for the most part during the day. I would see it around corners, hiding from my view, non-threatening during the daylight hours. There would be massive, two foot long feathers invading my herb garden and gouges in the earth around my chicken coop.

      I lived a little way out of the city, close enough that I could easily drive to pick up anything I might need, but far enough that I had space for a sustainable garden for myself, my animals, and enough spare leftovers to send boxes of vegetables to the food bank. Outside the city, I had the space to do my own thing, I didn’t have to worry about so many things showing up to bother me.

             I was pulling weeds out of the garden today, I had tilled the land a week ago, but had gotten so caught up with dealing with the pixies’ problems that I hadn’t been able to get to planting. That was my plan for the weekend:

-   Weed the plot

-   Set up irrigation

-   Plant

An easy enough plan for the weekend, especially since the tilling was done, and this was one of my smaller plots.

I readjusted my sun hat, pulling it to cover my face and my dark hair. My overalls were mud and grass stained from kneeling along the edge of my garden. My gardens were surrounded by a sturdy rock wall, just over waist high. It was covered in moss and vines. It’d been there for a long time and it wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. There were a few colonies of dragon fly fairies that lived in the cracks and crevasses of the wall. In one corner of the yard, there was a weeping willow, with a small platform haphazardly nailed in between two branches; a makeshift tree house.

      A small tapping came from the other side of the wall.

      “I told you, Leif, not today,” I said, “I’m busy.” I yanked another weed out, its thorns doing its best to rip through my gloves.

      “I was just wondering if-“

      “No Leif.”

      A small face peeked out over the top of the wall.

      “Can I at least hang out?” he said. “It’s lonely out here.”

      “You have 14 siblings Leif, how can you be lonely?”

      “They don’t count.”

      He plopped himself down beside me, his bare feet made indents in my soft tilled dirt. I scooped him up by his shirt collar and set him outside of the garden, I didn’t need him tamping down the earth.

      “There’s milk in the fridge if you want it,” I said.

      He shrugged. “Did you know there’s a bird in your yard.”

      “There are lots of birds in my yard,” I said

      “Yeah, but this is a big one.”

      “I know.”

        I had my first nightmare when I was six. I could still remember every detail perfectly. It repeated itself a few times growing up, but I hadn’t had it for years. No matter how old I was when I had the dream, inside it I was also just a little kid.

      I was walking in the creek by myself. The cottonwood trees loomed up above, impossibly large, bigger than the whole world. It was daylight, but as I moved under the trees, it turned black as night. The sun disappeared completely behind the dense branches. I was sure that the trees had grown so tall they wrapped themselves around the sun and made it burn itself out.

      My mom had been walking with me, but once we reached the trees she had disappeared, lost in the trees with the sun. I could feel it before I could see it. Smell it before I could hear it. I turned my back to the trees and ran. The dirt roads pounded under my feet. I couldn’t look behind me, but I knew it was there. I knew the road and didn’t at the same time. It looked the same as the ones I knew; tan dirt and desert brush surrounded me. The road crumbled at the edges, yellow grass, dry and hard as thorns ripped the dirt up at the sides. Cottonwoods gave way to mesquites and I was running down a road I knew and didn’t know.

      I reached my house, a white mobile home, in the middle of a small plot. It was one street over from the freeway that ran through our small town. I locked all the doors, latched all the windows, and thanked the stars we didn’t have a chimney. I could hear it now, its heavy body on the top of our roof, scratching off the shingles. It smelled like every rotting thing I’d ever smelled. Fruit long fallen off a tree, the dead cow my mom and I had found on a hike, milk sat too long in the fridge, the leaves that collect in mushy piles in the fall.

      I covered my nose and screamed.

  Leif picked up one of the feathers. It was bigger than his entire body. The rank of death leaked out of every fiber.

“Put it down Leif,” I said. “You’ll catch something from it.”

He whipped it around like a sword instead.

“What is it doing here?” He asked.

“Things find me.” I adjusted the strap of my overalls, which kept slipping off my shoulder.

“Is it nice?”

“Not sure yet,” I said, pulling the last weed out of the land. The dirt was already pushed into perfectly aligned parallel lines. Satisfying to look at. I loved the smell of earth stuck under my fingernails. I could see the bird’s outline hiding within my weeping willow.

“Maybe we should get it a present,” I said. The terror that followed the bird shook me to my core, but all other scary things I had ever met were just misunderstood. Maybe this one was too. Leif followed close behind me as I went inside to grab salmon out of the freezer. It was rock solid, but I hoped the bird wouldn’t mind.

I marched my way over to the tree, glaring at the shadow within it. I shoved the fish into the branches, taking a breath when my hand disappeared into the shadow. I felt its beak gently take the fish out of my hand. Its eyes glowed through the branches, watching me as it ate.

Leif stood just behind me, watching the bird. His arms were wrapped around my knee, squeezing tighter as he watched it gobble down a fish the same size as him.

  That night, there was no scratching on my ceiling, just the soft clambering of the bird curling up around the warmth of my chimney. It pecked a few times at the roof’s shingles, knocking them off just as it did last night. In the morning, I could see it at the edge of my freshly weeded garden, eating the scraps that had been left there the day before. It churred softly when I walked outside. I chucked another fish towards it. It snatched it up and darted back to the willow tree.

If it made a nest in my treehouse, I’d kill that thing.

 I called a witch friend over that afternoon She took one look at it and told me it was my baby. My forgotten dreams needed to be remembered and showed themselves, invading their way into our lives. She made a pot of too-strong-tea and lectured me about the strength of memories for longer than I thought possible. I made cucumber sandwiches because that’s what felt right.

“Traumas need to be acknowledged.” She said, “Your brain knows that even if your heart doesn’t. That’s why you made him show up.”

We watched as the bird climbed on my wall and tip toed carefully around its ridge, its massive frame looming, carefully balanced.

She stripped my shirt off as she explained it and unclasped my bra in an overly businesslike manner. I ran my hand through her buzzed short hair, marveling at its fuzziness.

Her skirt dropped in a puddle on the floor and she tugged me up the stairs in my too-tight house.

“Tell me about the dream again. Maybe there’s a deeper meaning we can find.”

I grinned back, following her trailing hands, “Yeah. Maybe there is.”

 We watched the bird that night, wandering around its new space, it found the river and ate so many salmon that I was afraid it would kill them all off. My witch cozied up against me. We were squished in my loft bed, overlooking my too small cottage. She looked over at me and grinned, she liked a new project. 

[thisisart-notreallife]

The continuation of the journal of Nei, a Paladin in the service of House Organo.

The Party

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Nei the Paladin

Ricktar the Fighter

Eddie Izzard the Wizard

Alicath Ilmad the Bard

Geff Glassroot the Barbarian

Master Ubi disregarded the strange sight of the creature’s shadow, explaining that the beast was called a peryton and that they’re delicious! Eddie looked sceptical. Nevertheless, master Ubi disappeared into a back room with the beast’s decapitated head, and returned to collect it’s carcass, leaving a dark smear of blood as he dragged it behind him.

‘I’m bloody starving,’ grumbled one of the airship’s crew. San decided to head downstairs to look for food before he had a mutiny on his hands. He returned shortly after looking flustered. ‘Our food stocks are low,’ he exclaimed, ‘and all the barrels are open! I believe we may have a stowaway on board!’ I gripped my warhammer tightly and Eddie drew his flaming sword. Heading cautiously below deck it became immediately obvious that we were not alone. I traced a trail of crumbs with to a dark corner of the food-storage room where a large raggedy man lay sleeping, covered by a dirty quilt.

Eddie stepped forward and drenched the figure with summoned water. The barbarian woke with a start, falchion at the ready, and very angry. He was quite a sight; teeth bared, two of them golden, wearing a scrappy leather jacket, and bloodshot purple eyes. He also appeared to be wearing a rather familiar set of military armour. ‘What’dya want!?’ He barked, ‘N’ who ar’ya!?’ I stepped forward, warhammer poised.

‘You first,’ I said resolutely, eyes narrowing. Just behind me, a frightened Alicath silently created a zone of truth.

Geoff the Barbarian is ready to split some skulls

The man weighed his chances and yielded. ‘M’ name’s Geoff,’ he said.

‘I knew we had a stowaway!’ said San, pushing past, and staring at the man. ‘

Oo’ya callin’ a stowaway? Oi were ‘ere first!’ replied the man incredulously.

A barbarian defends his honour

‘Well I think you’d better start explaining yourself, and how you come to be wearing our armour,’ I commanded, warhammer held threateningly. The man explained that he served King Organo and that he was on the same ship we were, escaping when it came under attack, and landing on the island. From there he travelled to Port Isley and snuck on board an airship for shelter.

Eddie and Alicath, examining the man, noted that he actually seemed familiar. ‘You’re not the infamous corporal Geoff? We’re big fans!’ The man straightens up proudly and beamed a disgusting smile.

‘T’ very same,’ he replied. Once the nerves of the encounter begin to simmer down, the intrusive stench and grossness of the room became very apparent. ‘Oi’ve bin ‘ere four fuckin’ days. Whad’ya expect?’ Geoff replied to our complaints.

‘Well,’ quipped Eddie, ‘at least you were wearing your brown pants!’

Ricktar, unamused, declared he’s not touching any of this food and left the room. Alicath, Eddie and I followed suit. Alicath chucked Geoff a lemon. ‘You’re looking like you might need this,’ he said. Geoff devoured the lemon whole. San went to leave but hesitated, gingerly grabbing some food for the crew before heading upstairs.

‘We need to do something about Geoff,’ Ricktar said, and we agree to bring him to see master Ubi. We entered Ubi’s quarters and were hit by a second wave of stench, this time of strong chemicals and rancid flesh. ‘As above so below,’ I muttered. An enormous boiling pot sat in the middle of the room pouring out thick, foul-smelling, steam and Ubi was busy in the corner preserving the deceased Peryton’s head.

‘We found a stowaway aboard the ship,’ announced Eddie but Geoff protested,

‘Oi’m nor’ a fuckin’ stowaway!’ Ubi peered through his monocle, taking in the man, but remained largely unconcerned. ‘Tha’ goin’?’ Geoff asked, gesturing to the large wing sitting in the pot.

‘But of course!’ said master Ubi, passing the nauseating meat to Geoff. Alicath attempted to cast blindness on himself to dull his sense of smell, which was somewhat too effective; numbing his tongue in the process.

Geoff enjoys a tasty snack

‘Leb geb oubba here,’ he blubbered heading to the door. Eddie and myself needed no encouragement and we leave the room gasping for fresh air. Meanwhile Geoff happily gnawed on his leathery wing.

One of the crew approaches me and tried to pass me a rotten skull on a stone necklace as an offering to the gods. ‘There is only one true god,’ I proclaims stoutly, slapping the offering away.

Nei momentarily forgets the religion she has professed to the bugbear crew

The bugbear, indignant, turned away sadly. Rolling my eyes, I called after it apologetically saying I’ll take the offering. The bugbear smiled and left. I cast the necklace over the side of the airship and watched as it fell away. Dumb bugbear. Raising my gaze, I looked to the horizon and could see the city of Alder in the distance.

Just above it however, through the clouds, was something unnatural, something big…

  Written by Chloe Wakefield

Artwork by Jess Butcher – www.friendlyurchin.com

Edited by Aaron Surnaym

  Previous: To the Skies!

Next: The City of Alder (Coming Soon!)

  Want to read more hot D&D content? Click here!

The party take a moment to rest and encounter new companion... The continuation of the journal of Nei, a Paladin in the service of House Organo. The Party…

[fesahaawit]

Wealthsimple Review

Hey guys!

Just got wind that one of the more popular Fintech companies in Canada (Wealthsimple) opened up here in the U.S., and if my spidey senses are on point as they usually are, I think it’s going to be another great company to contend with in the investing space.

Outside of Vanguard, of course ;)

If you’re just starting out with investing and/or want a little more hand holding and automation, Wealthsimple may be worth looking into for you.

I’m not much of a Canadian connoisseur, but I’ve been following along their journey ever since they launched a killer blog which I am now GLUED TO (see below), and from all the awards and press they’re getting I definitely think they’re onto something.

Here are some of their latest blog posts – I dare you not to click on them! :)

Jon Hamm Would Like to Buy a Time Machine

Spike Lee Tells Us Why He Never Feels Bad Asking for Money

The World’s Most Famous Sword Swallower on Becoming the World’s Most Famous Sword Swallower

I’ve since watched more and more Canadian bloggers talk about them over time, and then start moving their own money over as well. Most recently, my good friend and Rockstar Finance helper, Cait Flanders.

She just moved $50k over from fellow Canadian company, Tangerine (they had higher fees and weren’t as transparent w/ their funds), and she was finally convinced to *automatically* start investing for the FIRST TIME ever in her life too (Cait!!!). I think she’s seen since seen the light though, after seeing the projections Wealthsimple showed her if she keeps it up ;)

Anyways, enough of an intro…

Here’s what they’re about, and why they’re worth a look in my opinion.

What Wealthsimple Does

In a nutshell, Wealthsimple is a financial company that helps you build a portfolio of low-fee funds (ETFs), without charging you an exorbitant amount to do so. Then they’ll manage it all for you, help you grow it, and offer advice along the way.

So pretty much a “robo-advisor”, just without any minimum balance requirements and set up to be as simple as possible. They won’t charge you for trades or rebalances or account transfers (in fact, they will PAY any of the fees you might incur from moving over your money elsewhere!), and their main mission is to get people of any age and net worth to feel comfortable investing.

Here’s more of the corporate speak off their website if you prefer that version :)

“We provide world-class, long-term investment management without the high fees and account minimums associated with traditional investment managers. We invest your money in a globally diversified portfolio of low-cost index funds modeled after the same Nobel Prize-winning research used by the world’s savviest investors.

Our cutting-edge technology helps you earn the best possible return on your money, while also lowering your tax bill. This means we do things like automatic rebalancing, dividend reinvesting, and tax loss harvesting—services that most people couldn’t afford until now or found too time-consuming and tedious to do on their own.

Our financial advisers are always available when you need them. They can help plan your financial milestones and answer questions you might have about potential risks or what sort of investment accounts you should have.”

And looking at some of their stats and recent awards, I think they’re accomplishing their mission:

They have over 20,000 clients now

Managing over $750,000,000 of their money

Was just named 2016’s “Best Financial Website” in the Webby Awards, as well as one of the Top 100 Most Innovative Financial Companies.

And have $50 million in backing from one of the world’s largest financial companies (Power Financial)

A Look at The Portfolios They Offer

So how and where do they invest everyone’s money?? They use a similar approach that other robo-advisors use, which is basing portfolios on “Modern Portfolio Theory” introduced by the Nobel Prize-winning economist Harry Markowitz. Who basically proved that you can minimize volatility (risk) and maximize reward (money!) by diversifying your investments.

And as a refresher, typically the younger you are the more aggressive you want to go for better shot of growing your pot (and having enough time to recoup losses from major crashes), and the older/more conservative you are the more you’ll want to skew towards investments set up to *preserve* your money more than grow it.

Though of course you also have to factor in a number of other variables like how comfortable you are with risk, what strategies you believe in, if you care about socially responsible funds or not, etc etc.

Here’s a look at the options they offer:

The Conservative Portfolio — You’ll see with this one *bonds* make up a bulk of the investments at over 70% because they’re the safest. But they also have the least returns, so those interested in growing their $$ over long periods of time probably want to shy away from this route (vs those getting closer to retirement and will soon be tapping their investments to live off).

 The Balanced Portfolio — This one’s more even across the board, and probably the one most people start with when first dipping their toes into investing. You’ll get 50% stocks and 50%’ish bonds. Still wayyyyyy too conservative for my blood, but it is balancing more risk/reward than the previous option.

The Growth Portfolio — Then we have the one I’d personally put my money into if I weren’t all in VTSAX with Vanguard (which is even MORE aggressive as it’s 100% stocks ;)). With this portfolio of only 20% bonds and 80% stocks, your money is set up to grow much faster while at the same time lose money faster during all the downturns – which is a matter of *when* they’ll happen, not *if*. So again it’s EXTREMELY important to know what your comfort levels are and what you’re willing to risk or not.

Though keep in mind being “risky” with ETFs (which are GROUPS of funds – not just a single stock) already waters down the risk pretty heavily. So while you are still investing in stocks overall, it’s like investing in 100 different stocks vs just 1 main one like, say, Apple or Facebook. Which rise and fall much more sharply on any given day.

Lastly, we have the Socially Responsible Funds — these are the funds set up that prioritize the impact companies make on the world around us. For example, you won’t find cigarette or alcohol companies in here, nor maker of hairspray bottles :) Though I’m not totally versed in these, so good to check out what exactly these hold to make sure they align with your own overall goals. Pretty cool to see though how investing companies are catering to all types of preferences out there!

Okay, So Does Wealthsimple Cost?

Smart question – good job asking :) For the first year they will charge NO fees managing your money, as long as your portfolio is under $5,000. After that, they do start charging, but much less than you will see at other places (at least for *actively managed* funds – not doing it yourself).

Here are the two options they offer:

So it’ll cost more if you have less invested, and will cost less if you have more invested – pretty typical. If you’re already investing, check this with your own funds/firm and see how it compares?

As a reference, before I started managing my own investments I was paying anywhere from 1% to 3% in fees losing THOUSANDS over the years. And I’m a financial blogger!! (Albeit a pretty dumb one up until recently…). So wherever you put your money, just PROMISE ME you’re paying attention to all the fees you’re paying – they’re important.

Who Wealthsimple is For, and Who They’re Not For

Okay, so all that being said, here’s my personal opinion on who I think they’re for and who they’re not for. Since obviously not all Fintech is good for all situations (or people).

Who Wealthsimple IS for:

Anyone new to investing and just wanting to get started

Anyone who doesn’t want to spend the time researching on their own

Anyone who doesn’t want to spend time managing any of their funds

Anyone who’s spending exorbitant fees having other people/companies managing their portfolio

Who Wealthsimple is NOT for:

Anyone who wants to manage their own money

Anyone who wants the bare minimum fees due to managing their own money

Anyone who prefers picking individual stocks or other investing strategies like dividend investing (Wealthsimple only gives options for ETFs)

Anyone who isn’t comfortable managing their money online or via apps

Basically, you need to know yourself and your goals way before giving Wealthsimple, or any company for that matter, your business. My goal on this site is to show you a variety of avenues to help you pick the one that best fits :)

Other FAQs

Is money insured with them? Yup. Wealthsimple accounts have SIPC coverage up to $500,000. It doesn’t mean your money is safe from losing money, but it is protected if anything should happen to Wealthsimple. (I.e. they can’t use your money)

Is their technology safe? Yup. Similar to other apps/financial companies, they use state-of-the-art security measures when handling financial information.

What type of accounts can you open with Wealthsimple? Personal brokerage, Roth IRAs, Traditional IRAs, and SEP IRAs.

Do they have an app? Yes, for both Apple and Android – here are some screenshots:

(The shots feature Canadian retirement accounts above (RRSPs are like our 401(k)s I believe?) but the app works and looks the same in the U.S. version)

In Summary

Wealthsimple is the new kid in town, and they want to help you invest your money simply, no matter how little (or much) you have. And so far they look promising – but of course ultimately it only matters what YOU think :) My job is to just share the stuff I think is worth consideration…

You can learn more about Wealthsimple, and sign up, here: Wealthsimple.com

(Budgets Are Sexy readers receive a special $50 bonus when you open and fund a new Wealthsimple account, and another $50 bonus if you end up transferring enough to qualify for Wealthsimple Black. Just make sure to click & use that link above if you want it as it’ll track that you came from here)

If you’re one of our sexy Canadian readers, use this link instead :)

(Same bonuses apply)

******** PS: Did I tell you they had a good sense of humor too? :) The above is part of one of their older campaigns, haha… You might have caught their Super Bowl commercial “Mad World” too.

PPS: This post was in partnership with Wealthsimple, and just like with any other companies we love and promote on the site, the links above to them are affiliate links. Meaning we get compensated if you end up using them to sign up. You’ll also get a nice bonus as well, but regardless we only share stuff we think can help you or your wallet.  Your trust and readership is much more important than a few extra bones, which you hopefully know by now :)

Wealthsimple Review posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[heliosfinance]

Wealthsimple Review

Hey guys!

Just got wind that one of the more popular Fintech companies in Canada (Wealthsimple) opened up here in the U.S., and if my spidey senses are on point as they usually are, I think it’s going to be another great company to contend with in the investing space.

Outside of Vanguard, of course ;)

If you’re just starting out with investing and/or want a little more hand holding and automation, Wealthsimple may be worth looking into for you.

I’m not much of a Canadian connoisseur, but I’ve been following along their journey ever since they launched a killer blog which I am now GLUED TO (see below), and from all the awards and press they’re getting I definitely think they’re onto something.

Here are some of their latest blog posts – I dare you not to click on them! :)

Jon Hamm Would Like to Buy a Time Machine

Spike Lee Tells Us Why He Never Feels Bad Asking for Money

The World’s Most Famous Sword Swallower on Becoming the World’s Most Famous Sword Swallower

I’ve since watched more and more Canadian bloggers talk about them over time, and then start moving their own money over as well. Most recently, my good friend and Rockstar Finance helper, Cait Flanders.

She just moved $50k over from fellow Canadian company, Tangerine (they had higher fees and weren’t as transparent w/ their funds), and she was finally convinced to *automatically* start investing for the FIRST TIME ever in her life too (Cait!!!). I think she’s seen since seen the light though, after seeing the projections Wealthsimple showed her if she keeps it up ;)

Anyways, enough of an intro…

Here’s what they’re about, and why they’re worth a look in my opinion.

What Wealthsimple Does

In a nutshell, Wealthsimple is a financial company that helps you build a portfolio of low-fee funds (ETFs), without charging you an exorbitant amount to do so. Then they’ll manage it all for you, help you grow it, and offer advice along the way.

So pretty much a “robo-advisor”, just without any minimum balance requirements and set up to be as simple as possible. They won’t charge you for trades or rebalances or account transfers (in fact, they will PAY any of the fees you might incur from moving over your money elsewhere!), and their main mission is to get people of any age and net worth to feel comfortable investing.

Here’s more of the corporate speak off their website if you prefer that version :)

“We provide world-class, long-term investment management without the high fees and account minimums associated with traditional investment managers. We invest your money in a globally diversified portfolio of low-cost index funds modeled after the same Nobel Prize-winning research used by the world’s savviest investors.

Our cutting-edge technology helps you earn the best possible return on your money, while also lowering your tax bill. This means we do things like automatic rebalancing, dividend reinvesting, and tax loss harvesting—services that most people couldn’t afford until now or found too time-consuming and tedious to do on their own.

Our financial advisers are always available when you need them. They can help plan your financial milestones and answer questions you might have about potential risks or what sort of investment accounts you should have.”

And looking at some of their stats and recent awards, I think they’re accomplishing their mission:

They have over 20,000 clients now

Managing over $750,000,000 of their money

Was just named 2016’s “Best Financial Website” in the Webby Awards, as well as one of the Top 100 Most Innovative Financial Companies.

And have $50 million in backing from one of the world’s largest financial companies (Power Financial)

A Look at The Portfolios They Offer

So how and where do they invest everyone’s money?? They use a similar approach that other robo-advisors use, which is basing portfolios on “Modern Portfolio Theory” introduced by the Nobel Prize-winning economist Harry Markowitz. Who basically proved that you can minimize volatility (risk) and maximize reward (money!) by diversifying your investments.

And as a refresher, typically the younger you are the more aggressive you want to go for better shot of growing your pot (and having enough time to recoup losses from major crashes), and the older/more conservative you are the more you’ll want to skew towards investments set up to *preserve* your money more than grow it.

Though of course you also have to factor in a number of other variables like how comfortable you are with risk, what strategies you believe in, if you care about socially responsible funds or not, etc etc.

Here’s a look at the options they offer:

The Conservative Portfolio — You’ll see with this one *bonds* make up a bulk of the investments at over 70% because they’re the safest. But they also have the least returns, so those interested in growing their $$ over long periods of time probably want to shy away from this route (vs those getting closer to retirement and will soon be tapping their investments to live off).

  The Balanced Portfolio — This one’s more even across the board, and probably the one most people start with when first dipping their toes into investing. You’ll get 50% stocks and 50%’ish bonds. Still wayyyyyy too conservative for my blood, but it is balancing more risk/reward than the previous option.

The Growth Portfolio — Then we have the one I’d personally put my money into if I weren’t all in VTSAX with Vanguard (which is even MORE aggressive as it’s 100% stocks ;)). With this portfolio of only 20% bonds and 80% stocks, your money is set up to grow much faster while at the same time lose money faster during all the downturns – which is a matter of *when* they’ll happen, not *if*. So again it’s EXTREMELY important to know what your comfort levels are and what you’re willing to risk or not.

Though keep in mind being “risky” with ETFs (which are GROUPS of funds – not just a single stock) already waters down the risk pretty heavily. So while you are still investing in stocks overall, it’s like investing in 100 different stocks vs just 1 main one like, say, Apple or Facebook. Which rise and fall much more sharply on any given day.

Lastly, we have the Socially Responsible Funds — these are the funds set up that prioritize the impact companies make on the world around us. For example, you won’t find cigarette or alcohol companies in here, nor maker of hairspray bottles :) Though I’m not totally versed in these, so good to check out what exactly these hold to make sure they align with your own overall goals. Pretty cool to see though how investing companies are catering to all types of preferences out there!

Okay, So Does Wealthsimple Cost?

Smart question – good job asking :) For the first year they will charge NO fees managing your money, as long as your portfolio is under $5,000. After that, they do start charging, but much less than you will see at other places (at least for *actively managed* funds – not doing it yourself).

Here are the two options they offer:

So it’ll cost more if you have less invested, and will cost less if you have more invested – pretty typical. If you’re already investing, check this with your own funds/firm and see how it compares?

As a reference, before I started managing my own investments I was paying anywhere from 1% to 3% in fees losing THOUSANDS over the years. And I’m a financial blogger!! (Albeit a pretty dumb one up until recently…). So wherever you put your money, just PROMISE ME you’re paying attention to all the fees you’re paying – they’re important.

Who Wealthsimple is For, and Who They’re Not For

Okay, so all that being said, here’s my personal opinion on who I think they’re for and who they’re not for. Since obviously not all Fintech is good for all situations (or people).

Who Wealthsimple IS for:

Anyone new to investing and just wanting to get started

Anyone who doesn’t want to spend the time researching on their own

Anyone who doesn’t want to spend time managing any of their funds

Anyone who’s spending exorbitant fees having other people/companies managing their portfolio

Who Wealthsimple is NOT for:

Anyone who wants to manage their own money

Anyone who wants the bare minimum fees due to managing their own money

Anyone who prefers picking individual stocks or other investing strategies like dividend investing (Wealthsimple only gives options for ETFs)

Anyone who isn’t comfortable managing their money online or via apps

Basically, you need to know yourself and your goals way before giving Wealthsimple, or any company for that matter, your business. My goal on this site is to show you a variety of avenues to help you pick the one that best fits :)

Other FAQs

Is money insured with them? Yup. Wealthsimple accounts have SIPC coverage up to $500,000. It doesn’t mean your money is safe from losing money, but it is protected if anything should happen to Wealthsimple. (I.e. they can’t use your money)

Is their technology safe? Yup. Similar to other apps/financial companies, they use state-of-the-art security measures when handling financial information.

What type of accounts can you open with Wealthsimple? Personal brokerage, Roth IRAs, Traditional IRAs, and SEP IRAs.

Do they have an app? Yes, for both Apple and Android – here are some screenshots:

(The shots feature Canadian retirement accounts above (RRSPs are like our 401(k)s I believe?) but the app works and looks the same in the U.S. version)

In Summary

Wealthsimple is the new kid in town, and they want to help you invest your money simply, no matter how little (or much) you have. And so far they look promising – but of course ultimately it only matters what YOU think :) My job is to just share the stuff I think is worth consideration…

You can learn more about Wealthsimple, and sign up, here: Wealthsimple.com

(Budgets Are Sexy readers receive a special $50 bonus when you open and fund a new Wealthsimple account, and another $50 bonus if you end up transferring enough to qualify for Wealthsimple Black. Just make sure to click & use that link above if you want it as it’ll track that you came from here)

If you’re one of our sexy Canadian readers, use this link instead :)

(Same bonuses apply)

******** PS: Did I tell you they had a good sense of humor too? :) The above is part of one of their older campaigns, haha… You might have caught their Super Bowl commercial “Mad World” too.

PPS: This post was in partnership with Wealthsimple, and just like with any other companies we love and promote on the site, the links above to them are affiliate links. Meaning we get compensated if you end up using them to sign up. You’ll also get a nice bonus as well, but regardless we only share stuff we think can help you or your wallet.  Your trust and readership is much more important than a few extra bones, which you hopefully know by now :)

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