#but the peace I find is with the people I care about and that’s the best I could ever hope for

[ceesimz]

Evergreen

Glimpses of your relationship. (Autistic Reader)

Reverie series can be found here. This is structured differently than the rest, it's multiple blurbs in one that I've written over time, which has definitely made it unnecessarily long but it's super light-hearted and fluffy so hopefully it's worth it

Being in a committed, serious relationship was new to you. You had dated, and… that was about it. That’s as far as things had gone in the past. 

Yet, here you were, making your way through the airport after spending Christmas back home in ice cold, snowy Norway, a small smile on your face at the thought of the person waiting to pick you up and take you home.

It was a strange adjustment, that was for sure, but a very welcome one. Having someone at your side felt… comforting. Knowing you could go to her for anything at any time was comforting. However, sometimes it worried you that you had to commit your every day to her. Not in the sense that you couldn’t settle down with her and her only, no way. Instead, you were anxious about the fact that there were times you needed your alone time, where you needed the world to quieten down a little to give you the space you needed to regulate yourself. Would Alexia understand that? Or would it irritate her that sometimes the only thing she’d get from you was radio silence?

In the end, you didn’t need to worry for even just a second. As a matter of fact, you found that peace in Alexia’s company. Not all the time of course, that wasn’t entirely realistic and time alone was still something you needed, just… less often. You wanted to spend everyday with her, even when you were mentally exhausted or burnt-out and so stressed you feared your hair would turn grey. 

You hadn’t planned to fall in love within mere months of living in Barcelona, nor had you expected to fall for a teammate. However, sometimes the most surprising things end up being the best. You adored Alexia and all that she was, especially when she demanded that she drop you off and pick you up from the airport and left no room for arguing. 

The sight of her waiting for you as you walked out of the arrivals door was worth the ten days of torture being away from her. There was no way in hell you could have controlled the shy, excited grin on your face as you wandered over to her.

She didn’t hesitate in holding her arms out when you got closer, an equally sheepish smile greeting you before you stepped into her space. The blonde let out an audible sigh of relief when her chin landed on your shoulder, holding you tightly against her whilst your hands slipped underneath the puffer jacket she wore and landed on the small of her back atop her sweater. For a few moments, the pair of you indulged in the comfort of the other after going so long without it. Hundreds of people passed by you as you did, each of them nothing more than a fleeting stranger with a life as complex as your own, yet your interest in their stories and the lives they led paled in comparison to the all-consuming feeling of Alexia’s embrace. 

Despite how you had technically just gone home, back to Norway where you grew up with all your family around you, that reuniting hug was… something more. Something deeper. You couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was about it.

“How are you? How was the flight?” She murmured quietly, pressing her lips to your coat-covered shoulder before leaning back and gazing down at you.

“Tired. My mind is frazzled.” Alexia scrunched her nose at the unfamiliar phrase, and though she had never heard it before, she seemed to understand what you meant by it. You smiled at her as she did it, finding it much more adorable than you'd ever care to admit.

“Let's get you home, eh? With… with me? I stay?” She asked, wanting nothing more than to fall onto the sofa with you and lay there for the rest of her days.

“Yes, god yes. I missed you.” You told her. The blonde chuckled softly and pulled you back in, this time with her cheek resting against your forehead as you nuzzled your nose against her jaw.

“Sí, I will stay with you. Por supuesto.” Alexia said in a whisper, her lips pressing a kiss to your temple. “I missed you too. It was so strange without you.”

“How so?” You wondered, content to stay there in her arms with the warmth of her drowning out the cool chill of the terminal.

“I was sad. Whenever I had some free time, I went to ask if you wanted to come over or I go to you or we have food together or something. But you weren't here and then I was sad. I'm never sad.” You giggled at the last statement, because despite staying in touch whilst you were gone with both calls and texts frequently throughout the day, it was nowhere near the same as being there in person. You understood exactly what she meant.

“Don't be silly, you're the most popular person in Barcelona. You know everyone there somehow, nevermind the thousands of fans too.” 

“Maybe, but none of them are you.” 

Your first instinct was to roll your eyes at her statement, which made her grin, but it did something to you. To you and your heart, to the butterflies in your stomach.

“Calla, Ale.” You shook your head, though spoke with a sheepish gratitude to your voice and a weakness to your knees that had her laughing quietly.

“I am being serious. I wanted you to have an amazing time at home but I wanted the days to go fast so I could see you again.” 

Her hand that landed on your cheek stopped you from turning away from her out of embarrassment at her sweet words, and you barely had a moment to scold her before she leaned down and finally kissed you. Each of you were overcome with a sense of relief, of yearning, of adoration, yet there was one stand-out thought which you both had– there was no way you could go that long without it again. And for Alexia, well, she also knew there was never another person in the world that could make her feel the way you did with just one kiss. It broke off sooner than you wanted, simply because not one of you could stop smiling.

“Take me home now?” You said, gazing at her as she blinked at you a couple times before snapping back into the reality. You giggled, spotting the exact moment she came out of her thoughts, which were overflowing with you, and nodded.

In moments like this, it was hard to believe that you were hardly three weeks into the relationship. Yet, if this was what three weeks had in store for you, you couldn’t wait to see what a lifetime held.

There was a bit of that playful back and forth that you adored when she took your suitcase from you, arguing something to do with being a gentlewoman, and you let her. Who were you to resist her? Dumb, that’s for sure. So she wheeled your bag to her parked car, your hand grasping onto her upper arm, in a comfortable silence. With it, came quiet excitement that formed between you, only now processing the fact you were back in each other’s company and had the next few days to spend time together before training started up again. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the complete and utter domesticity that took over your apartment when you stepped foot inside again. 

Firstly, it started with Alexia heading to the kitchen whilst you went to your bedroom to drop off your bags and unpack the main things from your backpack. Unbeknownst to you, while you were out of the country, Alexia had borrowed Ingrid's key to your flat so that she could organise a few small surprises she hoped you would appreciate. And appreciate them you did.

Just as you were beginning to feel a little overwhelmed at the thought of all the chores that coming back from a vacation had to offer, the door to your room creaked open and in walked your girlfriend with a mug of your favourite hot chocolate in her hand. With a disbelieving smile on your face, you happily accepted it, placing a grateful kiss to her check as your silent way of thanking her.

And as if it couldn't get any better, with a quiet, loving murmur, the blonde persuaded you to leave your bags until tomorrow, not afraid to admit that she would much rather spend the evening in your arms than to see you add to your own stress by trying to get everything organised straight after a flight. You were glad to take her up on her advice because you walked into your lounge to a coffee table filled with surprises. A fresh bouquet of flowers, a new candle, the softest looking blanket you might have ever seen, one of Alexia's folded-up hoodies, and a small gift-wrapped box. You felt overwhelmed, but this time in the best way possible – because you felt wholly and completely loved, even if the pair of you hadn't said that specific word yet.

The only thing you could do to repay such kindness was by granting her wish of doing nothing but cuddling with you on the couch. So you did exactly that. With Alexia's hoodie on, which you realised was her favourite, you both lay down on the sofa and got comfy. Your head was on her chest, tucked perfectly under her chin, with the new blanket that exceeded your softness expectations covering you both, and the most adorable Christmas tree decoration hanging off a pine branch in the corner of the room. According to her, Alexia had chosen it whilst at the Christmas markets, seeing the beautifully crafted glass decoration and thinking of you. Though, she also went on to admit that she thought of you all of the time, hence why she had bought multiple small gifts for you whilst you were gone.

Neither of you planned to fall asleep, but it seemed that had been the case when Alexia woke up some time later, you still on top of her and sleeping. She glanced at her phone and her heart dropped when she saw the time. You hadn't spent the night together at this point of your relationship, yet here the midfielder was, still on your couch at 1am. 

Maybe it was slightly unfair of her, but she would have truthfully done anything to stay in that moment, with you completely at peace lay on top of her. So she lingered for a minute or two, one hand on the back of your head as the other slipped under her jumper and softly trailed her fingertips up and down your warm skin. She closed her eyes and rested for just a second, before letting out a slightly stifled sigh and raising her head from where she had laid back. She gazed down at you, your cheek slightly smushed against her chest and your lips parted as you let out small breaths every so often, and did her best to memorise the sight for herself.

“Cariño.” She whispered, gently nudging your shoulder to wake you up so she could leave. If it was up to her, she would just slip out quietly and not wake you, but she knew the anxieties that would most likely cause for you and that was the last thing she wanted. “Wake up, cari. Por favor.”

“Shh. Sleep.” You grumbled, burying your face further into her neck and pulling the blanket tighter around you.

“No, mi amor.” Alexia chuckled softly, which only had you groaning. “Sorry. I have to go, it's the middle of the night.”

“Just stay, Ale.” You told her. Now that, she wasn't expecting. And if you weren't toeing the line between awake and asleep, you probably wouldn't have said it either.

“S…stay?” She repeated, though got no response from you. “Wake up, wake up. Just for a minute while I go.”

You reluctantly opened your eyes then, if only to frown when you lifted your head up to look at her properly.

“Why do you want to leave?” You asked in a slightly anxious mumble, those worries that Alexia wanted to avoid appearing anyway. To quell them quickly, she cupped your cheek and leaned forward to kiss your forehead.

“Because we haven't spent the night together yet and I don't want to cross any boundaries. This is your space, I don't want to intrude and overstay my welcome.” She answered sincerely, gazing at you so softly that had you been standing, your knees would have surely buckled. 

Those three words were so close to slipping out then, but you feared it was too early and you didn't want to scare her away just as you'd gotten her back. She kept you and your needs in mind at all times- not an overbearing amount, instead in a way where she somehow always knew the moment it was necessary for her to voice her willingness to cater for them. You'd known each other for a number of months now, so she had come to know you well, but it still caught you off guard how thoughtful and caring she was. Other than Ingrid, you weren't sure you had ever come across someone outside of your family that treated you so... perfectly. So normally. It was second nature for the Spanish woman at this point, and that meant the world to you.

“Ale.” You breathed out quietly, shaking your head slightly. She frowned at your reaction, and you couldn't help the sleepy giggle that left your throat. “I would really, really love it if you stayed over. Only if you want to, though.”

Your hair was no doubt a mess from being asleep, you could feel how flushed your cheeks were, and the material of Alexia's t-shirt was probably imprinted on one side of your face. Despite this, Alexia still looked at you like you were the only person in the world.

“If you are happy with it, I would love to stay over. I couldn't think of anything better than waking up in the morning to you.” Her words had you blushing, as they often did, and in your shy embarrassment, you ducked your head down to hide the beaming smile on your face. You lifted it back up only a second or two later when you heard Alexia yawn above you, the pair of you bursting into loud, hearty laughter afterwards.

Together, even with your fingers intertwined for the very short journey, you headed to your bedroom. Alexia perched on the edge of the bed as you searched your wardrobe not only for yourself, but your girlfriend too. You turned around with a pair of shorts for you, more than happy to keep on the jumper of hers you wore, as well as a sweater and another pair of shorts for Alexia. However, she looked at you like there was something she was holding back when you went to hand over the clothes.

“I don’t… usually sleep with shorts or trousers on.” She admitted with an amusingly bright shade of pink to her cheeks. Even the tips of her ears had changed colours.

“That’s fine, Ale, you can sleep in whatever you want. Long as you’re comfy.” You told her, giggling at the small sigh of relief she let out as you put her shorts back into the drawers.

“I did not want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. Thank you for this.” She smiled up at you before standing. 

There was a miniscule moment of awkwardness where the two of you felt like teenagers at a sleepover, worrying about changing in front of each other, until Alexia turned so that her back was to you and began to unbutton and unzip her jeans. You turned too, not without a coy grin on your face, and quickly got changed, as did Alexia.

“Can I turn now?”

“Are you finished?” 

You asked at the same time, laughing together once more whilst moving to face each other again. Alexia took in the sight of you in her jumper, the small detail making her heart skip with joy around her chest, and you shook your head at the fondness she admired you with as you tried not to look at the rather substantial amount of skin on show from the woman across from you. She looked adorable, in just her underwear and a sweater with slightly tousled hair. It was such a contrast to the person you saw on the pitch, and so what if you secretly, not-so-secretly loved the fact that you were the only one in the world that saw this dimension of her multifaceted persona?

“What side do you prefer?” You wondered, gesturing to the bed behind you.

“Which side?” Alexia scrunched her nose in confusion like she did back at the airport, and still you found it just as endearing. 

“Yeah, like do you prefer being closer to the door or to the window?” 

“Oh! I do not mind, cariño, you can pick.” You let out a dramatic breath at her decision, then immediately clambered under the covers, making Alexia smile. “So you like the window?”

“I do. I like being able to look out every morning, the sunrise wakes me up.” You answered her curiosity, and it was simply another fact which she stored away. She had a number of them memorised by now, but she hoped she could learn every single one. 

“Do you, um… like to cuddle? When you sleep?” The blonde murmured a little shyly, lay on her back with her head turned to you. You had a feeling, from the sheepishness in her tone, that there was a certain answer she was hoping for. When you answered, you couldn't help the small, excited smile on your face.

“I think I do.” 

At your response, she moved onto her side, her accent thick when she quietly demanded that you roll over away from her. Once you had, you hid your face in your pillow when she shuffled up close to you, her chest to your back. Were you sure you weren’t asleep? Because when her arm slipped around your waist and hugged you tight back against her, you were convinced you were dreaming.

But, of course, you always had something to say.

“Do you sleep with socks on?” You hummed curiously into the quiet room.

“Sí..? Why?”

“That’s so strange, Ale.” You commented, goosebumps rising on your skin with the huff she let out against your neck.

“Vete a dormir, idiota.” She grumbled, though you knew she was smiling, it came through so clearly in her voice.

You woke up first the next morning. You weren’t used to sharing a bed, so you didn’t sleep too great, but waking up to Alexia snuggled close to you with her head half on your pillow and an arm wrapped around your body to ensure you didn’t move from her hold, it was so worth it. Even if she called you a worm for the rest of the day, droning on and on about how wriggly you were overnight. This time, when she teased you, you could see the smile on her face as she did so, you didn’t have to assume she had a grin like the previous night. With how the first night went, you thought about your future with a smile on your face, now knowing that mornings were so much better than ever before when you woke up to Alexia’s grumpiness and her tendency to cling onto anytime you tried to leave the bed.

—

Just because you hated your own birthday, that didn’t mean you disliked other people’s birthdays. In fact, for the people closest to you, you relished the opportunity to meticulously plan for them and show them exactly how loved they were.

“Ale, I mean it. Don’t you dare show up early.” 

February 2nd was of course your girlfriend's birthday. It was a morning training session that day, which was honestly quite lucky, and after some celebrations there with the club, you two were going your separate ways. Alexia had plans with some of her close-knit circle of friends from her hometown, whilst you were finishing up organising everything for when she came over to your place afterwards.

You had your arms crossed and eyebrows raised as you looked at her in warning where you stood at the driver's side window of her car. She had a smug grin on her face, like she wasn't listening to a thing you were saying.

“What if I just want to see you, mi amor?” She argued cheekily, but you scoffed.

“Well, I'm right here, telling you to NOT show up early.” 

“But I'm early to everything! Early is on time, on time is-”

“On time is late, late is what the hell is the point of being alive, yes I know you, Alexia.” You jabbed a finger into her chest, smiling at the toothy grin she responded with. “But this is your birthday and I have everything planned down to a T, if you're early then I'm just going to kick you out and make you sit outside in the corridor until it's the right time.”

There was a tight schedule for the day, one you were not going to break. Alexia may try her damn hardest but her determination isn't going to win out this time, because yours is stronger. 

She was going to spend the afternoon with her closest friends, the people that she knew she wouldn't be where she was now without them, whilst you had an intense few hours of cooking. Yes, hours. Cooking historically wasn't your favourite thing in the world, you were a pair that did not get along, but with a few tips and lessons from Alexia's mother, you had nearly perfected one dish that you knew Alexia would die for. Hopefully she wouldn't have to resort to such extremities as long as you keep to your timetable and she doesn't ruin that.

“Oh my god!” You suddenly exclaimed as your phone vibrated in your pocket, your alarm telling you to get home ASAP going off at that particular moment. “I need to go! You’re going to make me late!” 

Before Alexia could even blink, you had kissed her cheek and turned to head back to your car. But she wasn’t allowing that.

“Oye! Ven aquí, engel.” She sounded serious and a little strict then, you had no choice but to turn around and walk back towards her skeptically. You stood about a foot away from her door, though she beckoned you over with a wave of her hand and raised an eyebrow when you only shuffled a tiny bit. “Ven aquí.”

You rolled your eyes at her and did as she said, though your attitude didn’t stay for long when she pinched your cheeks together with one hand and leaned up to leave a lingering, firm kiss to your pouted lips that momentarily turned your brain to mush. After she pulled back, she chuckled a little menacingly at the daze she left you in, until you blinked out of whatever not so PG thoughts you’d fallen into and back to the present. 

“Don’t distract me!” You groaned, pushing her face away gently with your palm. “Have fun with your friends, I’ll see you later. At the right time, Ale!”

Fortunately for you, she did show up on ti- well, two minutes early actually, but you were running ahead of schedule thanks to the gracious extra time you gave yourself in case anything did go wrong. Some things… did go wrong, but all were salvageable, and now you had the most beautiful aroma of slow-cooked, completely homemade (apart from the actual pasta) shredded beef ragu pasta circling throughout your apartment, and if you didn’t say so yourself, it could definitely pass as a Michelin star meal.

However, out of all the outcomes you had thought of for that night, there was one that you never could have prepared yourself for.

“You reek of wine.” Was the first thing you said when you opened the door to your pink-cheeked, suspiciously happy girlfriend. You scrunched your nose up at the distinct scent coming from her, or actually it was probably just your hypersensitivity to most smells, whilst Alexia beamed at you from her place rooted in the doorway.

“Hola, guapisima.��� The blonde grinned, reaching her arms out and making toddler-esque grabby hands at you, otherwise known as asking for a hug in sober language. 

Your first thought, as you leaned in, was one of anxiety and stress, since you didn’t exactly plan to deal with a wine drunk Alexia for the first time especially with it being her birthday. But then, she hummed almost like a happy cat purring when you wrapped your arms around her, and she seemed relaxed and happy in a different way than you had seen so far. Thankfully she didn’t seem too drunk, maybe just a bit tipsy, and as you held her you giggled at the way she nuzzled her nose into the skin just below your jawline.

“You had fun then? With your friends?” You wondered as you ran a hand up and down her jumper clad back.

“Mhm.” She lifted her head up and smiled at you. You looked in her eyes, and found nothing but carefree and utter contentment swirling around there. It did something to your heart then, a feeling akin to relief and pride settling over you at how at peace she seemed to be in your company. Even if that was assisted by the alcohol in her system. “So happy to be with you now. I waited all day.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Softie.” You teased, giggling at how she tutted in disapproval at your comment and raised an eyebrow at you. “Feliz cumpleaños.”

“Tusen takk.” Alexia grinned in turn, her eyes creasing in the corners. “Ves? I am not early. I am at the right time and hungry, so let me in.”

“No.” You said just as she went to move past you. You tightened your arms around her waist so that she couldn't move, and she frowned grumpily as a result. “You're two minutes early, actually.”

“Vale.” She sighed, giving up the fight much easier than you expected, which only raised your suspicions further. “You cooked, sí? Mami said you were cooking a big meal?”

“I did, it's almo-” You were right to be wary of her behaviour, as her hands slipped down to the back of your thighs and she hoisted you up into her arms, catching you off guard. You pushed the door shut behind her before she walked away, only just managing to reach it over her shoulder as she started walking through your flat. “Ale! What are you doing?!”

Not that she made it too far before she almost sent the two of you flying down to the floor when she bumped into the set of drawers near the entryway.

“Be careful! How much did you drink?” You scolded lightly, grabbing onto the door frame that led into the kitchen to steady yourselves. 

“Hmm… does it matter?” She answered, curving the question with a smile on her face before the smell of food cooking caught her attention.

“No, you can’t be in here yet! Put me down, get out!” You panicked slightly at how the surprise would have been ruined as she went to head over to the stove, though it was instantly relieved when Alexia stopped in her tracks and lowered you back down to the floor with a grumble. “You can’t know yet, I need to serve it up. Go sit at the table and wait, please behave. No funny business.”

“I will stay here and behave and watch you.” The midfielder compromised, and with a defeated sigh, you nodded and got started with the final steps of the evening. 

“You're so weird.” You muttered, turning to glance back at her where she leaned back against the wall with her hands clasped behind her like a bored, young child when she clicked her tongue in disapproval.

“Not weird.” She grumbled, giving up on standing around and waiting, instead wandering over to stand beside you, drooling at the food you'd prepared until something caught her eye. “What is this?”

She picked up the piece of paper she saw and read through it – albeit with slightly blurred vision – and felt a wave of adoration wash over her.

“Oh, it's the… timetable I wrote for myself tonight. So I didn't forget anything.” You replied sheepishly, opting out of facing the blonde in case her and her unpredictable drunken antics decided to tease you for it.

You knew it might be a little weird to anyone else that you'd make such a detailed outline for the evening, but it was something you had always done and it hadn't failed you thus far. It was very meticulous, with timings for food and reminders of tiny things you didn't want to forget and when you could get ready for her arrival as the dinner cooked without it ruining the process. 

Though, Alexia didn't think it was weird or unusual. To her, it was just another glimpse into your mind and how it worked, and she treasured it anytime she got to see that. She was sure, when you weren't looking and didn't need it anymore, she'd slip it into her pocket and keep it as a memory. Sure it might just be a lined bit of paper ripped out of the nearest notebook with scribbled notes that only you could understand, but for Alexia it was a sentimental souvenir that represented so much more than just a nice evening together. Making sure everything went perfect and was well organised that night was one of your many ways of demonstrating your love for her and how deep it ran.

“I really appreciate you setting up this evening for us.” Alexia began quietly, resting her chin on your shoulder and wrapping an arm loosely around your waist as her hand found its place on your hip. “Mi novia bonita. You are the best.” 

“I'm sorry we aren't going out or doing anything fancy.” You mumbled insecurely, suddenly shrinking in on yourself and allowing the doubts to come in. 

Alexia might be here with a smile on her face, but would she have been happier elsewhere? An actual Michelin star restaurant with a girlfriend that could handle more than half an hour in such an environment? Dressed up to the nines and paying a bill of, at the very least, three digits rather than putting up with a haphazard home-cooked meal and a night in?

“Why you say that?” Alexia frowned, gently taking the dish you were holding as well as the ladle in your other hand and putting them both down for the time being. She put the lid back on the pot so that the food didn't cool too much, before urging you to face her with her hand moving to your shoulder. “Why, when I think this is the perfect way to spend my birthday?”

“Because other years you've had parties and nights out, you've told me all about them and the dinners you've had and stuff. This is just… nothing compared to all those. But it's all I can give you and it doesn't feel like enough. I just… I tried my best though.” 

The words come out thick and fast with little warning, revealing stresses that you'd carried on your shoulders for days since you came up with the idea for this night. You tried to disguise them, whenever Alexia asked previously you what was up you shrugged her off, but of course it was now of all moments that you spilt all you felt. 

“No. No, no, no.” Alexia said, her eyebrows pressed down into a scowl of determination, which you took as anger.

“I am sorry, Alexia, I did try my b-”

“And your best is so much more than I could wish for.” She cut you off in a firm voice, her hands on either side of your neck as her thumbs under her chin tilted your head up to face her. “It is more than enough. I see what you have done here for me and I see you. Not what you can't do. Those other things for my birthday, they were more for my family and my friends to enjoy. I liked them, but… there is a reason I didn't want to do all that this year and it's not because of you. It's because it's not what I want, but you know what I want, and I know that because you've planned this night and it is perfect for me.”

With her flushed cheeks and slightly tousled hair from… well, from what you weren't sure though it probably had the same reasonings as the red tinge to her cheeks, but it was her wide eyes that really tied off the slightly manic appearance of her. Like, if you didn't believe everything she said, she might go on a tipsy rampage against everyone that had done you so wrong it had led to your current doubtful mindset. 

Your hands were clasped in front of you, fidgeting as you processed her words which had been a little unexpected. Perhaps a drunk Alexia wasn't such a worrying thing like you thought it might be.

“A… are you sure? I mean, I d-” 

“Spending time with the woman I love? She cooks an amazing meal for me? And it is just us, nobody else?” She interrupted you again, a soft smile on her face as her thumbs carefully caressed the soft skin of your cheeks. “I love that, cariño, I really have been so excited all day. Please, never… belittle yourself over what you can't do, when everything that you are doing is more than good enough for everybody around you. Nobody loves like you do and I feel very lucky to be the one that gets all you have to give.”

Definitely not as bad as you feared.

“You…” Speechless, you trailed off and shook your head. So you leaned in and hugged her, because there was very little you could say to repay her for her thoughtfulness other than- “I love you.”

“I love you too, mi amor.” Alexia hummed into your ear, swaying you both on the spot before her temporarily depleted attention span averted back to the pasta that was calling her name. “I also love pasta so please let me eat now. Two minutes have passed, no?” 

There was a grin pressed against the skin of your neck as you lightly hit her back for her comment. That night with Alexia was just another example of how well she truly knew you, unlike anyone you'd ever met. And that pride from earlier? It returned as you say across from her at the dinner table, a rich amount of pasta dished up in front of you both, because she said you knew her too. You knew her too. 

As it turned out, your cooking skills far surpassed Alexia's expectations, nevermind your own. She may have been a tiny bit worried considering the few but memorable occasions of you trying to cook for her, so she'd have to thank her mother in a very generous way, because it might have been one of the best things she'd ever been served. When the midfielder slumped back in her chair, the button to her trousers undone after stuffing her face with a week’s worth of pasta, her eyes never steered away from you.

You weren't doing anything of note, you were simply loading the dishwasher up with the plates and cutlery and whatnot that you'd used that day. Yet, for your girlfriend, there was so much love blooming through her chest she had no idea what to do with it apart from gaze at you like you were the one who had invented football.

“Your presents are in my bedroom by the way. I, um… may have gone a bit overboard.” You admitted shyly as you went to go back to your chair, though you were stopped in your tracks when an arm curved around your waist and pulled you down to sit on Alexia’s lap.

“Your bedroom?” She said lowly, a glint in her eyes that were solely focused on your lips. You blushed, knowing exactly what was on her mind, having come to recognise the pattern in her behaviour when she wanted… something in particular. You dragged the whole thing out, knowing it only ended in one way, but where’s the fun in that?

“Mhm.” You nodded, your heart rate speeding up a tad at how she smirked afterwards.

“Vaya, qué conveniente, no?” Alexia murmured, leaning in so that your noses brushed together and your lips were millimetres apart. At her teasing, you tried to resist the bashful smile but Alexia saw it for a split second before you could repress it. “Bueno. Vamos.”

In an instant, she was up from her seat with you in her arms, one strict destination in her mind with one very likeable goal. 

“Ale, I just had a giant bowl of pasta!” 

“No me importa, mi amor.” She sang, before kicking the bedroom door shut behind you both.

—

From an outsider’s perspective, your relationship seemed just as perfect as it was in your point of view. Didn’t take a genius to recognise that; five minutes with you and Alexia, anyone could see how much you valued each other.

“-and then my mother rang Mapi, like actually called her, just to see if I was lying. They teamed up on me, snuppa, my mother and my girlfriend. Over soup.” 

“That is… you got yourself into that mess, Ingrid. I can’t comment. Can’t take sides.”

Just like it had been ten years ago, back home in Norway in a tiny hotel in Oslo, you and Ingrid were sharing a room for an away game. There had been training, dinner, and now it was downtime where everybody could choose what they wanted to do. With Alexia at the press conference and Mapi… doing whatever Mapi did, you and Ingrid settled for a relaxed night in, though the movie you’d landed on was long forgotten in the background.

“You just took a side. Unbelievable.” The dark-haired woman sighed, shaking her head in disappointment. You grinned, lay on your side on your bed as Ingrid painted her nails across from you on hers.

It was peaceful and just what you wanted it to be, some time alone with your second favourite person in your life where you could just exist in each other’s company. Unfortunately, though to nobody’s surprise, it didn’t last long.

“Buenas noches.” Alexia smiled as she walked in, somehow having acquired a keycard to your room.

“What are you doing here?” You asked in confusion, not expecting to see her for the rest of the evening since you weren’t sharing a room.

“Oh, what a lovely greeting.” She scoffed jokingly, disregarding the fact you were midway through a conversation and flopping down onto the space next to you. The blonde lay on her stomach, face turned into your back as an arm flung around your waist. And she just stayed there.

With a glance at Ingrid, who shrugged her shoulders, you rolled your eyes at your girlfriend’s antics before the pair of you slipped back into conversation like nothing had happened. Alexia piped up every now and then, but for the most part, she remained quiet and just relished in your company. 

Ingrid hadn’t seen these sides to either of you, ever.

It was something small, you and Alexia didn't even exchange a word, but there was a smile on your face as you chatted with Ingrid that the defender didn't see much until Alexia came into your life. Still, it was big enough for her to come to a realisation. Two, actually.

First, that you were happy with Alexia, which made her beam with joy for you and feel extra grateful for Alexia. The second, though, was something she had hoped would happen the minute she caught wind of the transfer rumours. You were completely, genuinely, whole-heartedly happy with your life at Barcelona. And in Barcelona too of course, but you weren't currently in the city at that moment, you were halfway across the country, so. But her point still stood.

However, no matter how much she valued your happiness, she could get to that another time. For now, she wanted-

“I want to go to sleep now.” She decided, zipping up the bag in which she kept all her nail stuff for when she travelled, looking at the two of you on the bed and noting the puzzled expression on your face.

“Then go to sleep, Ingrid, nobody is stopping you.” Alexia chuckled behind you at that, quickly leaving a kiss on the back of your neck before sitting up. 

“No, she is trying to tell me to get out.” She yawned, sharing a smile with Ingrid at your misunderstanding.

“Oh. Well, get out then. You’re not even supposed to be here.” Ingrid grinned at your reply that had Alexia frowning, not expecting you to go against her.

“You’re supposed to be on my side, cari.” She argued, nudging your knee.

“Ask Ingrid. I don’t take sides. The only side I’m on is the right side of justice.” Ingrid bursted out laughing at that and you had to stifle your own, though you did smile at the unimpressed but amused look on Alexia’s face. “Take it up with the club, those are the rules. You’re the captain. I’m sure they will be so glad to hear you can’t stay away from your girlfriend for a few hours overnight.”

The captain shook her head and stood, tugging you off the bed and wrapping you up in a hug that had a better purpose than simply saying goodnight. She slipped her own keycard into your pocket and whispered something unintelligible for Ingrid’s ears to you. Then, she left with a grin, and Ingrid scoffed as you turned back to her shyly, cheeks bright red.

“You know what, I don’t even want to know.” Ingrid said, gathering her things to take into the bathroom to start her night routine.

“It was nothing like that!” You claimed abruptly, realising where her mind had gone. You hesitated for a moment, before remembering who it was in front of you. “She was just being sweet. Saying she would miss me for the night.”

All Ingrid could do was shake her head at the pair of you and how utterly loved up you were, because with every glimpse she caught of the true nature of your connection with each other, it exceeded her hopes and expectations every single time. So, with her hands on her hips as she took the sight of you smiling with a soft shyness to your face and how you fidgeted with the keycard in your pocket, she had no qualms expressing her feelings.

“Do you know how much it means to me? To see you this happy with someone?” Was what she said, which you weren’t expecting at all. You were expecting more teasing, or for her to just tell you to be quiet so she could get ready for bed. Certainly not that.

“What do you mean?” You wondered quietly. She came to stand in front of you and put her hands on your shoulders, meeting your curious stare with a proud look in her eye.

“It just makes me happy to see that you have found someone that treats you exactly as you deserve to be treated. Who isn't afraid to ask questions, who goes above and beyond for you, who sees you for who you are. I had no idea Alexia would be that person for you but I am so glad she is. I am just… relieved and proud that this is how things have worked out for you with moving to this club. I was worried you wouldn't like it but you have really made a place for yourself. And you even got yourself a girlfriend, like, look at you go!” Ingrid beamed, shaking you a little from excitement as she spoke. 

You giggled at her because this moment was so Ingrid, but at the same time, it tugged on your heart strings. Her words put things into perspective for you about everything that had happened since you left Germany, and though there had been lows, there were so many more highs than you realised. Even still, the best was yet to come.

There wasn’t a single part of you that would ever get tired of hearing how proud and happy Ingrid was for you. You’d looked up to her since the moment you met her, she was an example to you, like a big sister. No way would you be the person you were without her. She’s one of those people you hold onto for life, and you would spend the rest of yours trying to repay her for everything she’d done for you.

The next morning, when Ingrid woke up alone in your shared hotel room, she wasn’t even surprised, nor was she the slightest bit concerned for your whereabouts. There was only one place you would be, and though you cruelly abandoned her some point during the night, the sight of you walking in with Alexia, wearing her training jersey with 11 printed on it, her arm around your shoulders as you giggled at something she said to you, was very much welcome.

—

When something wasn’t quite right with Alexia, your entire world felt off-kilt, until you got to the bottom of what was up with her. Sometimes she’d willingly come to you for some support and comfort, other times she was reluctant, and very much stuck in her own head.

Like, for example, just before the season started ramping up, she got a minor muscle injury that’d keep her out for a couple weeks. Everyone knew how it’d make her feel, but it was up to you to be there and reassure her that no, the world wasn’t ending, and yes, she could be the little spoon for that evening. 

Alexia was a bit of a doom-thinker, which not many people knew about, but it was the truth. The moment she was told some bad news, there was a frown paired with a scowl which both were so deeply imprinted on her face, if there was a gust of strong wind, she might actually, genuinely, get stuck like that. Her mind worked on overdrive, thinking and thinking and thinking until she could land on the fastest solution to whatever was wrong. When there wasn’t an immediate solution, well… you wouldn’t be surprised if her head exploded.

So, after having gone home before Alexia was done with her physio assessment, you raced back as soon as you could the second one of the Barca staff told you she was still there, on her own, watching the B-team’s training session. You had tried ringing her, though you knew her phone was most likely sitting in her bag in the locker room as she attempted to gain some peace of mind. The captain had apparently been there for quite some time, however, and you felt she’d had enough time on her own to process it before she needed the care of someone she loved.

She sat on the second-to-top row of the bleachers, hood up and cap on with her hands in her pockets, slumped back against her chair as her eyes tracked every movement of the young players in front of her. You approached her quietly and cautiously, as if trying not to spook away some sort of wild, erratic, unpredictable animal. But no, it was just your emotionally inept girlfriend- inept only when it came to football and injuries.

Even though she could definitely hear you, she gave nothing away.

“Ale? Can I sit with you, or would you like some more time on your own?” You asked gently, the blonde staying silent. “I can leave if you’d like. Just thought I’d come check on you.”

After a second or two, she shook her head and waved you over. She didn’t really know what to say, her mind was split in half and each side was fighting it out between being angry and being logical. She knew she’d be back in no time, but there were still games missed. Missed games, missed opportunities.

You took the seat beside her and tried to get a read on her face, which was entirely emotionless apart from the way she pursed her lips and the slight scowl she had that couldn’t be blamed on the sun, thanks to her hat. Without really knowing how she felt, you didn’t know what to do. Alexia had never lashed out at you to ever give you the wrong idea, but you really didn’t want to say the wrong thing and make her feel worse, or angry.

That was until, about a minute after you sat down, she shuffled a little closer in her seat to where you sat, her shoulder just slightly brushing against yours. You knew that was her silently reaching out, so you complied easily, and rested a hand on her thigh, which she immediately grasped onto with her own. 

“It is so annoying.” You heard her say some time later, her voice just a whisper which had the tiniest crack of emotion in it. “And I am annoyed that I feel annoyed.”

Her eyes were still unmoving from the pitch, but as you looked at her, you smiled sadly, and slipped your hand out of hers to wrap an arm around her shoulders. You coaxed her closer to you, glad when she leaned your head against yours. You would never wish for her to be in this position or a situation similar, but right now you knew she was okay and safe, so you relished in the fact she sought you out, like you did when the roles were reversed. It was the wrong moment to think such a thing, but you were almost relieved that she also needed you when she was going through a difficult time, like you needed her. 

“I know. Nobody expects you to just sit back, take this news, and not be angry that an injury has come when you’re so in form. And when the team needs everybody because it’s going to get hectic soon. Let yourself feel frustrated, you’re allowed to and expected to. But when we wake up tomorrow, you’re gonna come here, and you’re gonna get on with rehab because that is your mindset. You know, when you get up in the morning, these resentful feelings will have gone. You just have to feel them.” You settled on reminding her that she knows she will get past it, because it was the truth, and trying to sugarcoat anything or pretending like all was okay would have been the wrong way to go about this situation. 

Alexia was ineffably grateful. For you coming to be beside her, for your words, and just for you overall. She always found these first moments after bad news difficult, but the road ahead of her seemed so much clearer with every bit of reassurance you gave.

“And you will be with me, huh?” She turned to you with a slight smirk, an act you knew was a classic performance of fake it ‘til you make it. If she acted confident, maybe she would start to feel somewhat sure of herself again.

“And I will be with you for every second of it. Every second.” You told her with a bright smile, and the combination of that and your dedication to her also brought a smile of her own to her face. “You are the most determined person I have ever met. But it is human to have blips. It’s why I’m here; to try to make you feel better because you don’t have to go through blips alone.”

Somehow, you were saying all the right things, even if you thought you were just muddling through an internal checkbook of ‘things people say to each other during hard times.’ Seeing Alexia with a smile on her face compared to the stormy expression she wore when you arrived was a huge boost in confidence. Even more so when she turned her body towards you and ducked her head down so that she could rest her chin on your shoulder as she brought you in for a hug that comforted you just as much as it did her.

“Thank you for coming here.” She mumbled into your jacket, and you kissed her cheek afterwards. 

“Always. It is my duty to the team, no?” You couldn’t help but grin in triumph when she laughed, slightly muffled by your clothes, but she laughed nevertheless. “And as your girlfriend, I suppose.”

“You suppose.”

“Fine. It is my duty, a duty I take very seriously. A duty I’m very good at, considering I’ve got you here in my arms, laughing like you didn’t look like you wanted to watch the world burn when I arrived.”

“You are… annoying. Cocky, smug, and annoying. Stop it.”

—

You were serious when you said you’d be there every second along her rehab. As you had told her, it was a duty you took very seriously. But how serious, Alexia didn’t know in that instance at the training ground. 

One of your favourite love languages for others was gift giving, you were sort of known as the best present-buyer with everyone you know, because that was also another thing you did not joke about. Though, it was your spontaneity with such a habit that you knew people appreciated most. And who else would be at the top of that long list of people, other than your girlfriend. 

Even if you did accidentally almost send her to hospital as you walked into her apartment out of the blue as she sat at her dining table with her headphones on. 

Since she was out of playing action and feeling a little useless with what she could give to the team, she basically took it upon herself to take notes of the matches and training sessions that she’d missed whilst she was gone so that she could send them to the team and hope they got good use out of it. That meant her attention was entirely on her laptop and notepad when you walked in, a small gift bag in your hand and a nervous look on your face, which she missed of course.

It wasn’t until you were stood beside her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder that she jumped out of her skin and slammed her headphones down on the table so hard out of fear, you worried she’d broken them. Then, she exhaled deeply, hand on her heart as she worked to slow it down once she noticed it was you. Unfortunately for her, you had no control over the laughter that bubbled out of you at her dramatic reaction, to which she groaned and pulled you closer with an arm around your waist, hiding her face in your stomach out of embarrassment. 

At that point, you noticed something very convenient for the gift you had bought her. Her hair was tied up into a messy bun, making your life so much easier.

“Close your eyes, Ale. I have something for you, you’re not allowed to see it.” 

“Why get me something if I cannot see what it is?” She argued, putting on that frustratingly endearing faux innocent expression she often put on when trying to fight her case over something small and light-hearted like this.

“Just be quiet and do what I say.” You told her, attempting to be stern but it was entirely futile when she gazed up at you like that, and before you’d even finished your sentence, there was a smile on your face. 

Despite how she rolled her eyes teasingly, she closed her eyes and sat still, waiting for whatever you had in store for her. As she sat there, she could hear you reaching into the bag she spotted and taking something out of it, but other than that, she was none the wiser to what her surprise was. Her eyebrows shot up when she felt you lay something delicate around her neck.

“Engel, what have you done?” She enquired, her eyes still shut as she fought the urge to open them prematurely.

You stayed silent, making sure the present was secure, before tapping her shoulder to indicate you were done and stepping back shyly. The second she opened her eyes, she fixed you with a knowing, accusatory glare, before standing and heading over to the mirror, where her face lit up at what she saw.

A dainty gold chain sat perfectly across her neckline, a simple piece of jewellery that immediately jumped up to the top of her favourites. There wasn’t anything outrightly extravagant about it, it was discreet and meant to be worn with daily casual clothes, but Alexia wondered how she’d gone without it for so long, because it was truly perfect. She couldn’t find a better word to describe it. Maybe priceless, because the sentiment behind it was even more beautiful to her than the appearance of it. 

You had gone out with some friends having woken up without Alexia beside you that morning with no plans to see each other that day. Yet, there you were, showing up out of the blue with a surprise that she treasured after having it in her possession for no more than a minute. It was supposed to be an entirely inconspicuous day for the pair of you, but that flew out the window when you decided to get her a gift that could probably never be topped.

Alexia never really found herself as someone that people randomly bought gifts for. Sure, her mother and her sister might spot something and get it for her, but other than that, everyone assumed she had everything she could ever need, what with her wages and her sponsors and bonuses for all the thirty titles she’d won. She never would have known that a necklace could evoke such a whirlwind of emotion throughout her. It stuck in her mind, on repeat, over and over; you went out shopping with friends, without Alexia even jokingly asking for a present, and had seen something which made you think of her. And you even went so far as to buy it for her, and then surprise her at her own apartment with no warning. 

“It’s just something small, I know it’s not all that special, but I saw it and thought of you and deci-” 

The blonde had a habit of cutting you off when you rambled insecurely, though it wasn’t something you had a particular distaste for. Every time she did so, she stopped you in your tracks and did something that pulled each anxiety from your mind until you forgot what you were even worrying about. Whether that be by talking, or drawing you in for a hug, or offering a distraction, or in this case, indulging in the overwhelming amount of love she felt by kissing the life out of you.

Though, for her, that still wasn’t enough of an expression of her feelings, so just as you caught up with her she pulled away. Her arms were around your waist in an instant, and she lifted you up off the ground and spun you both around, like movie stars in the rain. However, thankfully you were both warm and majoritively dry in the comfort of Alexia’s apartment- majoritively dry, because there were… tears on your neck?

“Are you crying?” You asked in disbelief, surprised that she’d have such a reaction to just a necklace.

“Yes. Yes I am.” Alexia answered with a laugh, using one of her hands to hastily brush away the endless tears that fell. “I am crying because you bought me a necklace. For no reason, you bought me a necklace, and I really l-love that. It means a lot to m-me, amor.” 

Her reaction almost had you crying too; she was adorable, and you hugged her tighter because it felt like that was all you could do. Every day with her, she showed a new side to who she was away from Alexia Putellas, the merciless footballer that was no match for anyone. This version, this emotional, choked up version of her was so heart-warming, part of you wished the world could see it, whilst the rest of you relished in the fact you were the only person to see it. Only you could make her cry over a necklace, and as weird as that was, it was your badge of honour you’d wear with pride. 

Perhaps your bank account wouldn’t agree, but you’d buy her a dainty gold chain everyday of the year if it meant she felt at least half as loved as she made you feel.

—

Somewhere along the way since you first fell in love with Alexia, Barcelona officially became… home. 

Germany was never home, you always knew you’d move away at some point. You liked the city you were in, you thought you loved it at the time, but… Barcelona introduced to you what love actually was, and it was Alexia. 

You didn’t know what life had waiting for you years down the line, and if you thought about that and its unknowns for too long, you would send yourself into an anxious tizzy that was entirely unnecessary. For now, you were the happiest you’d ever been, and it just so happened that you were in Barcelona when that happened. The city was dreamy, though so was the woman you were in love with. So were your friends. Everything about your life was the best it’d ever been.

That, unsurprisingly to you, opened up a world of daydreams and scenarios to think about. The first on your agenda, which was a terrifying one if it didn’t go your way: would Alexia ever want to live with you?

“Ale? Can we talk about something?” You said out of the blue as the pair of you walked along a beach in Madeira, hand in hand as the waves lapped calmly over your feet and the sun and the sky flaunted its beauty with shades of purples, pinks, and oranges, painting the perfect, serene background to a conversation sure to bring some anxiety. 

“Of course. Anything. Do you want to sit down and talk?” Alexia suggested, taking you both a little higher up the sand after you nodded. She took a seat first, before looking up at you with a welcoming smile as you paused for a moment, then sat down.

It was probably ridiculous and childish that you thought so, but you hated how the dynamic of any kind of relationship could change with one conversation. With what you were about to say, you felt sick at the possible outcomes. You knew what you were about to say, whilst Alexia was blissfully unaware of the storm you were about to kick up. The words were on the tip of your tongue as you looked at her, and your mouth opened and closed for a few moments as you built up the courage to speak them. Eventually, you did, and Alexia waited patiently throughout your internal warfare.

“Would you… ever want to, maybe, live together? One day?”

For a few brief moments (the worst of your life), Alexia didn’t respond. In that short time, your anxiety reached whole new heights, convincing you that the next words out of Alexia’s mouth would be her breaking up with you. They weren’t, of course they weren’t.

“I would love to. I really would.” She admitted coyly, smiling and shaking her head at the utter look of shock on your face. “I have been thinking about this for some time, I just didn’t know how to bring it up. So, please, tell me what you think.”

“What I think?” Alexia nodded, a comforting hand landing on your knee. “Well… I don’t know how we would do it.”

“What do you mean? We just decide whose apartment to move to and do that, no?” 

It wasn’t that simple, unfortunately. This was something you did indeed have a lot of thoughts on, and maybe it’d be those that would finally scare her off. 

Alexia was amazing at understanding, but she wasn’t perfect. Nobody could blame her for not being clued in on something like this, especially since it was the first time you were talking about it together.

“I… that wouldn’t work. Not for me anyway.” You started, a little disheartened by the frown that formed on her face. Still, you explained yourself. “If I moved into your apartment, it wouldn’t feel like my home. I love your apartment, I do, but it’s your apartment and always has been. If you moved into my apartment, that would mean that… it’s not my space anymore. Which makes no sense at all because it obviously would be, but… I don’t know how to explain it best. It’s…”

You trailed off, frustrated at how you couldn’t properly articulate yourself in such a delicate situation. But, now that she was clued in, Alexia understood exactly what you meant. 

Your apartment was your dedicated space; having someone move in, no matter who it was, would feel like having an intruder there at all times. Everything would be different in your mind, even if the only physical difference was Alexia, your girlfriend. It’d take you months, or probably even years, to get used to it. And you know you couldn’t live like that, even if you so desperately wanted to. 

Living with Alexia in her apartment would be even worse. You know her apartment as a visitor, but not as a resident. If you lived there, it would constantly feel like you were in someone else’s home and not your own. These two things, though they may be the easiest options theoretically, would cause all kinds of hell for you and probably reverse all the progress you’d made since moving to Spain. It would put strain on everything, from your relationships, to the football you played, to your mental health, everything. It just wasn’t a feasible or healthy option.

“I understand that, mi amor. I understand all that you said.” Alexia tried to reassure you, but you could see the sadness in her eyes that she tried to disguise. She was upset by this new revelation, and that wrecked you. “Please don’t feel guilty about it though. I am not mad or anything.”

You nodded and avoided her eyes, focussing your attention on the ocean in front of you and crossing your arms, like you were protecting yourself. You pulled away from your girlfriend to get away from the inevitable pain of her pulling away instead. Alexia realised that and had to suppress a sigh, not one of annoyance or along those lines, but out of concern, because she could see that turmoil this conversation had caused you. 

She decided to give you a couple minutes to think on your own, wondering if that’s what you’d need to process all that had just occurred. She was right to do that, because you did something rare. Rather than dwelling on the negative outcomes of what just happened, you tried your best to make something good out of it.

Because, in the end, relationships were all about compromise.

“Maybe, next year or next season or whatever, we…” You paused to take a breath, then addressed Alexia directly. She met you with a curious and open gaze, wordlessly encouraging you to get whatever it was off your chest. “We revisit this conversation, and… look at houses together?”

A new, shared space would work. A blank canvas for you both to work together on, to figure out together, to make a house into a home, together.

Alexia’s wide, bright smile was worth more than anything else in the world. One second, she was sat beside you, and the next, she had lunged forward to tackle you to the soft gold ground beneath you, putting her weight on you as she leaned down to shower you with the surge of adoration she felt. She peppered kisses all over your face and down to your neck, eliciting a surprised giggle out of you that was priceless to her. 

Your future, your shared future with the woman that lay on top of you, was in sight and near enough solidified. In a few years, you might not be a Barcelona player, football might take you down a completely different road, but the one you were on now, where you had plans to buy a house with Alexia, was enough for now, enough to settle the anxiety you always got when you thought about the future, because things were pretty good at that moment.

And to tie off an all-round very successful conversation, Alexia said something that summarised your whole relationship in only a single sentence. 

“Whatever you want to do, we will do, because seeing you happy makes me happy also.” 

—

depending on the reaction to this, i have no idea when or if there will be another story after this one. very anxious to post for reverie after all that happened because people have not so fun opinions about this overall topic that can and will wreck me which is pretty scary so :)

[unboundprompts]

Could I get some prompts for an alien and a human falling in love from opposite sides of a war?

Alien x Human (On Different Sides of the War)

-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit.

"Your people would kill me for this," the human whispered, their fingers brushing against the alien’s clawed hand. "So would yours," the alien said quietly. "Maybe we’re both traitors now."

"They told me you were a monster," the human said, their voice breaking. "And they told me you were heartless," the alien replied softly. "Funny how wrong they were."

"Why didn’t you kill me?" the human asked, wincing as the alien bound their wounds. "Because I couldn’t," the alien admitted. "I looked at you, and I saw someone who might understand what it’s like to want peace."

"You’re risking everything just by being here," the alien murmured, their voice laced with a strange blend of fear and tenderness. "So are you," the human replied. "But I’d rather lose it all than never see you again."

"You know this can’t end well for either of us," the human said, tears threatening to fall. "I know," the alien replied, stepping closer. "But for a moment, can we pretend it doesn’t matter?"

"You shouldn’t care about me," the alien said, their voice a strange, musical echo. "Then stop making it so impossible not to," the human replied.

"Do you think they’ll ever let us be together?" the human asked. "No," the alien said, their glowing gaze steady. "But I’d rather fight the whole galaxy than give up on you."

"If I take you back to my people, they’ll see you as a prisoner," the alien warned. "And if I go back to mine, they’ll see you as a trophy," the human replied. "Maybe it’s better if we stay lost together."

"Your touch shouldn’t feel this... natural," the human whispered, their hand resting against the alien’s chest. "And yet it does," the alien replied, their voice trembling with something that could only be described as longing.

"If they find us, they’ll kill us both," the alien said, their tone serious. "Then we’d better make every second count," the human replied, pulling them closer.

[santaasi]

santa doesn’t know you like i do

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

summary: in the warmth of christmas, amidst love, healing, and a new beginning, jj and you find your imperfect paradise, where home is wherever you're together

warnings: fluff fluff fluff, establish relationship, talking about kids, no use of y/n, jj calls reader angel, english isn’t my first language

word count: 5.4k

a/n: it's kinda part two to die with the smile. but I think you can read it as a stand alone. requested by this ask. thank u for request, love <з.

ᯓ★ now playing…

sabrina carpenter – santa doesn't know you like I do

Santa Doesn't know you like I do I've been there through the good and bad Know how to make you laugh Kiss all your tears away, babe Ooh, only I can do that

JJ MAYBANK ALWAYS LOVED CHRISTMAS. It was, perhaps, the only holiday that truly felt magical to him. The colorful lights that danced against the dark winter nights, the shop windows adorned with glittering displays, the endless loop of silly Christmas songs filling the air — each element wove a comforting cocoon of warmth around him. Christmas had a way of making the world seem softer, more forgiving, and in those moments, JJ could almost believe in something like peace.

But it hadn’t always been this way.

In the broken Maybank household, Christmas was just another day — unmarked, unnoticed, and devoid of joy. The house sat like an unlit beacon in a sea of festivity, its cold walls and empty halls an unspoken testament to everything JJ lacked. There were no strings of lights, no wreaths on the door, not even the faintest scent of pine. It was an iceberg of indifference, floating through a season of cheer.

His father rarely even bothered to come home during Christmas. Sometimes he was locked away, serving another term; other times, he was lost in some forgotten corner of a bar, drowning his bitterness in cheap whiskey, unaware — or perhaps unconcerned — that his son was alone.

Yet, despite it all, every Christmas morning, there was always something waiting for JJ. Beneath the sad excuse for a tree — a cactus he’d once rescued from the roadside and jokingly dubbed "the Maybank pine" — he’d find a small gift and a postcard. The presents were modest: a toy car from a roadside stall or a bag of store-brand candy. The cards bore messages scribbled in rushed handwriting, sometimes just his name. But to JJ, they were everything. Those tiny, clumsy gestures felt like a fragile thread connecting him to something hopeful, something magical.

Even in the coldest, loneliest moments of his childhood, Christmas held onto him. It was his reminder that even in a life as messy and cruel as his, there could still be flickers of wonder.

But as the years passed, the childish magic of Christmas began to fade. JJ found himself watching from the sidelines as families like John B’s, Pope’s, and Kiara’s gathered around large tables, their homes alive with laughter, love, and the glow of holiday cheer. He watched them string lights and hang delicate ornaments on real Christmas trees — the kind that had once mesmerized him through storefront windows. And as much as he tried to bury it, a quiet ache settled deep in his chest.

It wasn’t just envy. It was the sharp sting of absence, a longing for something he’d never truly had. JJ had never known the comfort of a family coming together, the warmth of being part of something whole. He’d never sat at a big table on Christmas Eve, hands joined in prayer, giving thanks for love and blessings. He’d never felt the security of being surrounded by people who cared for him simply because he existed. And though he masked the pain behind his signature grin and easy bravado, it festered inside him — a quiet storm of hurt and resentment.

He wanted what they had. He wanted it desperately. But instead, his Christmases were spent alone. A pack of chips served as his feast, the flickering light of a static-filled TV his only companion. Lying on his bed, he would flip through the sparse free channels, hoping for some distraction, some escape. And always, in the back of his mind, he clung to the faintest hope that come morning, he’d find a small gift beneath the cactus — his father’s feeble, unspoken attempt at connection.

For years, this was his Christmas: quiet, lonely, and hollow.

But then, one year, everything changed.

JJ was fourteen when his father was imprisoned for the first time for an extended period, leaving him utterly alone. John B. and his father did what they could to help, but JJ bristled at the idea of being anyone’s charity case. The weight of feeling indebted was too much for him to bear. That summer, he decided to fend for himself, searching for his first job.

It wasn’t easy. JJ quickly discovered that no one wanted to hire a scrappy, imperfect Pogue with a tarnished family name. The shadow of his father’s reputation loomed large over the island, and people assumed that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. He could still recall the sting of rejection, the way doors closed in his face, and the cold, judgmental eyes that dismissed him before he even had a chance to speak. With each failure, his hope dwindled, until desperation weighed heavy on his young shoulders.

And then, like a ray of sunlight breaking through storm clouds, your father entered his life.

JJ often saw him at the docks, heading out for early-morning fishing trips. A few times, when the catch was plentiful, your father had even handed JJ a couple of fish — no questions asked, no pity in his eyes. Your family wasn’t wealthy like the Camerons, but you weren’t struggling at the bottom of the Cut either. You lived modestly, running a small fishmonger’s shop that was well-loved by locals for its unmatched quality.

That day, as JJ sat dejectedly on the pier, contemplating yet another fruitless search, your father approached him. With a kind smile and no hesitation, he offered JJ a job. Weekend mornings spent fishing, helping with traps and unloading — the kind of honest work JJ had been searching for. It felt like a lifeline, a stroke of fortune for a fourteen-year-old boy who had nearly given up.

From that moment, your father became more than an employer. He became a steady presence in JJ’s life, someone who saw the good in him when others refused to look past the Maybank name. In time, he even became a friend — a surrogate father in ways JJ hadn’t realized he desperately needed.

Your family’s kindness extended beyond the job. Your father often invited JJ to join your family dinners, but JJ rarely accepted. The idea of intruding on something so warm and whole made him uncomfortable. He already felt like he owed your father too much, and the last thing he wanted was to overstep. Still, on the rare occasions when your mother’s insistence won out, JJ would find himself sitting at your table, silently marveling at the life you lived.

And then there was you.

At every dinner, JJ’s eyes inevitably found you. You were radiant, an unapproachable beauty that reminded him of the star atop a Christmas tree — brilliant and captivating, yet forever out of reach. The two of you didn’t talk much, just polite exchanges and fleeting smiles, but it was enough. For JJ, it was more than enough.

He fell for you quietly, deeply, and without reservation. To him, you were a dream — a glimpse of something he could never quite have but couldn’t help but long for.

But one day, everything changed — and with it, JJ’s love for Christmas was born.

It was the same year, during the heart of winter. JJ wandered aimlessly through the deserted streets of Kildare, his hands buried deep in his pockets as the howling sea wind tugged at his threadbare jacket. Shop windows, darkened in honor of the holiday, glimmered faintly with leftover lights, their cheerful displays feeling like a world apart from his reality. Everyone else was inside, basking in the warmth of family and celebration. His friends were home — John B. spending the day with his father, Pope and Kiara with their own families — while JJ walked the streets, searching for something he couldn’t name, a place where he belonged.

His own house was cold and hollow, a silent reminder of all he didn’t have. John B. had invited him over, but JJ declined, unwilling to intrude on his friend’s rare moments of peace with his dad. So, he drifted through the morning, each step pulling him deeper into an abyss of loneliness.

A sudden chime shattered his thoughts — the soft jingle of a shop bell as its door swung open. JJ looked up, his breath catching as the sound of laughter echoed down the street.

It was you.

You stepped out of the grocery store with your dad, your voice lilting with a joy that made the bleak morning feel brighter. A red knit hat perched on your head, mirroring the one your father wore, and you both sported matching festive pajama sets. The sight was almost absurdly charming, but to JJ, you looked radiant — more beautiful than ever. The soft sunlight seemed to halo around you, making you seem like an angel come to life.

As if sensing his gaze, you turned toward him and waved, your smile lighting up the frosty morning. JJ’s heart stuttered, and before he could fully process it, you were already standing in front of him, your breath visible in the chill air, your cheeks flushed pink.

“Merry Christmas, Jay,” you said warmly, tilting your head slightly. A strand of hair escaped from beneath your hat, brushing your face. JJ had to fight the overwhelming urge to reach out, to tuck it back behind your ear.

“Merry Christmas, angel,” he murmured, the words slipping out before he could stop them. It was only when he saw the faint blush dust your cheeks, your gaze darting downward with a shy smile, that he realized what he’d called you.

“We... my dad and I were thinking,” you began hesitantly, your voice a little rushed, “do you want to spend Christmas with us?”

JJ blinked, caught off guard.

You bit your lip nervously, shifting your weight. “We haven’t opened presents yet, and Mom made that cherry pudding you love, and we always watch a movie after that and-”

You were rambling, your nose wrinkling slightly as you spoke, and JJ couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t want to impose, didn’t want to accept and risk feeling like a burden. But the nervous hope in your voice, the way you avoided his eyes as though bracing for rejection, made it impossible to refuse.

“Thank you. With pleasure,” he interrupted softly, his smile widening.

Your eyes snapped up to meet his, wide with surprise, and then they lit up with excitement. Before JJ could react, you grabbed his hand, tugging him toward the car with a burst of enthusiasm. “He said yes, Dad!” you called out, beaming.

That Christmas was the best of JJ’s life.

The warmth of the fireplace, the soft glow of the Christmas tree, the unexpected gifts waiting under its branches — all of it was magical. But none of it compared to the feeling of being part of something he’d always longed for. Sitting with your family, sharing laughter and stories, tasting your mom’s cherry pudding, JJ felt something he hadn’t dared to dream of: belonging.

And then there was you.

You, who had reached out when no one else had. You, who had brought him in from the cold, both outside and within. You, who had become his Christmas angel, saving him with your kindness and warmth. That day, you didn’t just give JJ a happy holiday — you gave him a family.

You became his home.

And now, JJ sat on the bed in the bedroom you shared, in the house you’d built together — not the grand mansion with big windows and a sprawling garden he had once promised you under a starlit sky, but a modest, white, slightly weathered two-story home. It had a cozy front yard with space for flowers yet to be planted and a back door that opened onto the soft sands of the beach. It wasn’t the picture-perfect dream you once painted together, but it was real. It was yours.

This house had become his sanctuary. Each day, he came home to your arms, finding solace in your laughter and warmth. Each morning, he woke beside you, basking in the light of a love that grounded him. And tonight, you would celebrate your first Christmas in the home you’d built — not just of wood and stone, but of trust and shared dreams. It wasn’t perfect. Neither were you. But it was home.

For JJ, it was more than he had ever thought he could have. The boy who once wandered lonely streets at Christmas, who stared longingly at shop windows and dreamed of belonging, had found it here — with you. The memory of those cold, empty nights and his childhood filled with longing still lingered at the edges of his mind, but they no longer haunted him. You had rewritten his story, replacing loneliness with joy and pain with purpose.

He glanced toward the living room and leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed as he watched you bustle back and forth between the kitchen and dining room. You were radiant, your hair cascading down your back in soft waves as the skirt of your red dress shimmered with each step. A familiar Santa hat perched on your head, the same one you wore on the Christmas that changed everything—the one where you gave him the gift of belonging for the first time.

The air was filled with the mouthwatering aroma of the turkey roasting in the oven, mingling with the faint, sweet scent of pine from the decorated tree in the corner. Your favorite Christmas playlist hummed in the background, and you hummed along softly as you worked, pausing to adjust the napkins on the table with a perfectionist’s touch. JJ’s lips curled into a smile. You were always like this, always striving to make things special for everyone else, pouring your heart into the smallest details.

He could see the excitement in your every movement — the way your cheeks were flushed from the warmth of the kitchen, the way your eyes sparkled with anticipation. It reminded him of the first time he saw you that Christmas morning years ago, standing on the icy street in your matching pajamas with your dad. Back then, you had invited him into your family, into your world, without hesitation. Now, here you were, creating that same magic, not just for him but for the friends you both cherished.

JJ felt his chest tighten with gratitude. He didn’t need the mansion or the grand promises anymore. He didn’t need a perfectly landscaped garden or the white picket fence. He already had everything he’d ever dreamed of — and more. You were his dream, his home, his Christmas angel.

Pushing off the doorframe, he walked toward you, his steps soft against the wooden floor. You didn’t notice him at first, too focused on the final touches of the table. But when he slid his arms around your waist from behind, you let out a small gasp, laughing as you turned to look up at him.

“Jay,” you chided playfully, though your smile gave you away.

He pressed a kiss to your temple, his lips lingering as he breathed you in — the scent of cinnamon, the faint traces of your perfume, the essence of you. “You know,” he murmured, his voice low and filled with affection, “you don’t have to do all this. It’s already perfect.”

You shook your head, a strand of hair falling into your face, which he gently tucked behind your ear. “I just want it to be special,” you said softly.

“It is,” he said firmly, his blue eyes locking onto yours. “Because of you. Everything you touch becomes special.”

Your cheeks flushed deeper, and you bit your lip, momentarily speechless. JJ smiled, leaning down to capture your lips in a gentle kiss. The chaos of the kitchen faded, the playlist in the background becoming nothing more than a faint hum. In that moment, there was only the two of you, wrapped in the warmth of the home you’d built and the love that had carried you here.

As if jolted from a dream, you broke the kiss and stepped back slightly, your hands pressed firmly against JJ's chest. His heartbeat thrummed under your palms, steady and sure. You tilted your head up to meet his gaze, your brows furrowed in a mix of exasperation and amusement.

“JJ,” you scolded softly, your voice tinged with urgency. “This isn’t the time. The Pogues are gonna be here soon, and we’re not even close to ready!”

JJ’s lips curved into that infuriatingly smug grin of his, the one that made your heart race despite yourself. He leaned back as if he hadn’t a care in the world, his eyes flicking upward with deliberate mischief.

“Relax, angel,” he drawled, his voice warm as honey, smooth as the waves lapping the Cut. “It’s tradition. Had to honor it.”

Your gaze followed his, and you gasped. A cluster of mistletoe hung innocently above you, tied with a red ribbon that swayed gently in the air. You turned back to him, jaw dropping, and gave his chest a light shove.

“When the hell did you do that, Maybank?” you asked, laughing despite yourself.

He shrugged, a picture of nonchalance. “Doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re under it, so-” He grinned wider, tugging you back a step. “Less talking, more kissing.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t hold back your smile. “You’re impossible.”

Yet even as you said it, your lips met his again, soft and lingering. Kissing JJ was like freefalling into the ocean, exhilarating and all-consuming, like the scent of salt air in the morning or the taste of wild blackberries in summer. He was chaos wrapped in warmth, the kind of boy who made you believe in stars aligning and fates intertwining.

As his hand cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing the corner of your lips, you felt the world tilt for a moment. It was easy to forget the chaos of the house, the mess still to be cleaned, the impending arrival of your friends. But you forced yourself to pull away just as he began to deepen the kiss.

“Uh-uh,” you teased, breathless but resolute. “Get busy, Maybank. We’ve got work to do.”

JJ groaned dramatically, his pout almost childlike as he tightened his grip on your waist. “I am busy. Busy kissing the prettiest girl in the Outer Banks,” he purred, his lips brushing against your cheek, then trailing to your neck.

“JJ,” you protested weakly, though your hand found its way into his hair, tugging lightly at the golden strands.

Before he could retort, the sharp chime of the doorbell broke the spell.

You froze, your brows knitting together. “What the-” you murmured, glancing at the clock. It was still an hour before Sarah and John B. were supposed to show up. Kiara was stuck at the diner until late, and Pope and Cleo were busy helping out at the store.

Your eyes snapped to JJ, who was now grinning like the cat who’d caught the canary.

“What did you do?” you demanded, narrowing your eyes.

His smile only widened, his blue eyes sparkling with a secret he wasn’t ready to share. “Guess you’ll just have to find out, angel.”

It wasn’t good. Not one bit.

“Go on, angel. Open the door,” JJ said, his voice low and teasing as he let you slip from his arms, giving you a gentle nudge toward the entryway.

You turned back to him, eyebrows raised in suspicion. His smirk was maddening, and his ocean-blue eyes sparkled with mischief, like he knew something you didn’t. “JJ…” you warned, taking slow, hesitant steps.

“Trust me, angel,” he said, leaning casually against the doorframe, his arms crossed. The way he looked at you — like you were the only thing that mattered in the world — made your heart skip. His eyes always held that same soft, unspoken promise, and you couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth spreading through your chest.

Biting your lip, you reached for the doorknob, casting him one last skeptical glance before opening the door. The cool winter air rushed in, bringing with it the scent of pine and saltwater from the sea just down the road. At first, you saw nothing unusual — just the empty driveway, lined with snow that glimmered faintly in the moonlight, and the quiet stillness of the evening. But then, something shifted near your feet.

You froze. The soft sound of rustling paper followed by the creak of a box wobbled slightly on the porch. You jumped back with a startled squeal, your pulse racing. “JJ! JJ!” you called out, your voice a mix of fear and excitement. “There’s… something out here!”

Your eyes darted to the object on the porch — a large box tied with a perfect red bow. It didn’t move at first, but as you took a tentative step closer, the box wobbled again, and a muffled noise came from inside.

Behind you, JJ’s laugh rang out, low and warm, like he was thoroughly enjoying your reaction. “Relax, angel. It’s not gonna bite… much,” he teased, the grin on his face devilishly charming. You could almost hear the glint of mischief in his voice as it wrapped around you, tugging at your nerves.

You whipped around to glare at him, your arms crossing instinctively over your chest. “This is your doing, isn’t it? What is it, JJ?”

His grin widened. “Why don’t you open it and find out?” he said, shrugging like it was the simplest thing in the world. “Pretty sure Santa dropped off an early delivery for you.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, still skeptical, but the curiosity was too strong to resist. Slowly, you lowered yourself to your knees, inching closer to the box. Another sound came from inside — a soft, almost pleading whine that made your heart skip a beat. You shivered, but couldn't stop your hands from reaching for the bow. Your fingers trembled slightly as you untied it, the red ribbon falling away like the final barrier between you and whatever lay inside.

“JJ, if this thing jumps out and eats my face, I swear-”

“Just open it, angel,” he said, crouching beside you now, his voice soft and coaxing, like he was trying to keep you calm, though you knew he was just enjoying the show. You could feel his breath tickling the back of your neck, his presence so close that it made your skin heat up despite the cold night air.

With trembling fingers, you tugged the bow loose. The moment it fell away, the lid popped open with a gentle creak, and out came a tiny white muzzle, followed by two shiny black eyes that sparkled like polished onyx. You gasped, covering your mouth with your hand.

“No way…” you whispered, your heart racing as the fluffy creature let out a tiny bark, its tail wagging furiously, causing the box to shake slightly.

JJ chuckled beside you, resting his chin on your shoulder, his laughter warm and full of pride. “Told you Santa came through this year.” His voice was teasing, but there was something deeper there too — a tenderness that you didn’t always hear. It was the same tenderness that had drawn you to him all those years ago, when everything in his life had been so broken, but he had found a way to build something together with you. The soft thrum of your heart matched the beat of his, and it felt like time had stopped just for you two, here in this small moment of joy.

You turned to him, your eyes wide. “You said no dogs. You said the house wasn’t ready!”

JJ shrugged, completely unbothered, his grin stretching wider, a glint of mischievous pride dancing in his gaze. “Guess I lied. Couldn’t resist, angel. I mean, look at him.” He leaned forward, his finger brushing against the puppy’s tiny, soft ears. “He’s got ‘JJ Maybank’ written all over him.”

The puppy let out another excited yip, struggling to climb out of the box. Gently, you lifted him, his soft fur warm in your hands. His tiny paws pressed against your chest as he wiggled excitedly, licking your face with reckless abandon, causing you to giggle uncontrollably.

You laughed, the sound light and free, the way it hadn’t been in years, your heart so full it could’ve burst. “Oh my God, JJ. He’s perfect.”

JJ watched you with a lazy smile, leaning closer to press a kiss to your cheek, his lips lingering there just a moment longer than usual. “I think he’s already got a favorite human,” he teased, brushing your hair behind your ear with a tenderness that made you feel as if the entire world had stopped just for you two.

You cradled the little ball of fluff in your arms, his tiny paws pressing against your chest as he snuggled closer, his warmth filling the empty spaces of your heart. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, but you didn’t care. For the first time in a long while, you felt whole — like all the pieces of your life had finally clicked into place. You looked back at JJ, your voice soft and filled with gratitude.

“Thank you,” you whispered, your heart swelling as his smile deepened.

“Anything for you, angel,” he murmured, his hand brushing over yours as he leaned in to kiss you again. It wasn’t a kiss full of urgency or passion this time, but one that was slower, deeper — full of a love that had built up over years of quiet moments, of shared dreams, of both the good and bad times that had shaped you. A kiss that spoke of promises made and promises kept.

His arms were wrapped around your waist, his fingers tracing slow, soothing patterns along the back of your neck as the soft, playful puppy nestled in your lap. The warm weight of the small creature was a perfect contrast to the warmth of JJ’s body pressed against yours. He kissed the delicate curve of your neck, his lips lingering as if he could never get enough of you. He moved to your cheek, then your cheekbone, leaving a trail of tenderness that sent shivers down your spine.

You turned in his arms, your lips finding his in a kiss that spoke volumes. It wasn’t hurried, it wasn’t filled with desperation — no, this kiss was full of everything you’d wanted, everything you had built, everything you had fought for. After everything that had happened in Morocco, the terror, the near loss of him, you never thought you'd find this peace, this quiet joy. But here you were, wrapped in his embrace, feeling more alive than ever.

After that incident, after the nightmare of nearly losing him, JJ had changed. He was different. More gentle, more mindful of your every need, and more focused on building a life with you. You had always known he loved you, always felt the weight of his affection even when he didn’t say it aloud, but now — now it was deeper, tenfold. His love was a constant, a steady presence that made you feel safe in a world that had once felt like it was falling apart. And it was enough. More than enough.

His lips met yours again, soft and slow, each kiss full of meaning, of promises he’d made to himself to make you the happiest woman in the world. And as he kissed you, he whispered against your lips, his voice rough with emotion.

“I love you,” he said, each word wrapping around your heart like a warm blanket.

You smiled, your chest swelling with love as you pulled him closer. The puppy, now content in its new home, wandered around the living room, sniffing at the new surroundings with an inquisitive gleam in his eyes. You didn’t care that the front door was wide open or that you were making out on the living room floor, in full view of anyone who might pass by. There was no one else in the world but JJ and the life you were building together. You just wanted to show him, to remind him, how much you loved him. How much you appreciated him.

“What's the next step?” you teased, pulling away just enough to look into his eyes. Your hands, without thinking, brushed a lock of blond hair away from his forehead, your heart fluttering as you took in the depth of his gaze. “A house, a dog... what's the next thing in our list?” You giggled, the sound light and free, like a melody you could listen to forever.

JJ’s smile deepened, and his voice softened, filled with a warmth that had once been so foreign to him. “Oh, that’s easy. A mini you or a mini me — or a mini us,” he whispered, his lips brushing against your ear before he kissed you again, this time with a little more passion. You shivered at the thought of what he wanted — a family. Your family.

The idea of children, of a future together, made your heart race. It wasn’t a dream you had ever imagined for yourself. But now, with JJ, it felt right. It felt like it was meant to be.

“But first,” he continued, his voice playful as he broke the kiss, “we deal with this dog, because it seems to me he’s already gnawing on our pillow.”

You laughed, shaking your head, your heart full as you watched the puppy eagerly attack the pink pillow you had bought from the flea market, its fluffy stuffing spilling out onto the floor. The mess didn’t bother you, not at all. You were too caught up in the joy of the moment, in the warmth of JJ’s arms around your waist, in the paradise you had built.

It wasn’t perfect. The house was small, a little worn around the edges, but it was yours. Your home. A place where laughter and love filled the air, where memories were made, and where the future you dreamed of was slowly taking shape. It was paradise. Small, imperfect, but paradise all the same. And you couldn’t have asked for anything more.

But then, something shifted. You smelled it before you saw it — the faint scent of something burning, sharp and sudden. Your heart skipped a beat, and your eyes snapped open as the realization hit you.

“Damn, Jay, the turkey!” you exclaimed, your eyes widening in panic as you bolted upright, the puppy’s ears perked up in alarm as you scrambled to your feet.

JJ laughed, deep and carefree, lying back on the floor as he watched you rush toward the kitchen. He felt like the happiest man on earth, like everything in the world had finally fallen into place. But as you disappeared into the kitchen, he let his mind wander for a moment, and he couldn’t help but think back to the time before all of this.

Back to the dark days when Morocco had nearly torn you apart, when you had held him in your arms, desperate, praying he would survive. You had nightmares for weeks after, haunted by the memory of him almost slipping away from you forever. The weight of that fear had lingered, thick and suffocating, even after you returned to Kildare, when everything should have felt safe again. But it hadn’t been easy. It had taken time. It had taken effort. It had taken healing.

You both had scars from that experience. You, from the sleepless nights and the anxiety that gripped your heart whenever you thought about the what-ifs. And JJ, from the deep, quiet trauma that you knew he didn’t always talk about. But despite all of that, you had found your way back to each other. You had found peace. Together.

Now, as he lay there on the floor, listening to the sound of your frantic steps in the kitchen, he smiled softly to himself. The memories of Morocco were still there, lingering in the background, but they no longer defined him. No longer defined you together. You had rebuilt your paradise, and no amount of darkness could take that away.

JJ Maybank had always been reckless, wild, untamed. But now, he was grounded. Not because the world had suddenly become perfect, but because you were his. Because he had found his anchor in you. You were his home. And no matter what happened, he knew you would always be there, side by side.

He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the peace of the present wash over him. There was no place he’d rather be. No place but here, with you. His family. His paradise.

And for Christmas, that was all he could ever ask for.

The smell of burning turkey wafted in from the kitchen, and he couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe paradise wasn’t perfect, but damn, it was perfect for him.

thankx for reading <3

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

okay, this work my first kinda christmas special and I like it so much. also 'santa doesn't know you like I do' is such a beautiful song and maybe the meaning of the song is not connected to the whole vibe of this work but first lines is so jj and angel coded, idk.

but thank you again for reading my work and as usual you can always share your opinion in comments or my inbox :3

                                    – your santi 🪐

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[susicheng]

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ dm for prices      l.mk

chapter 6 perfect match

something that you pride yourself on is your easygoing nature. you're nonchalant. you don't really care what people think of you. it was honestly relieving, to exist in peace and not stress over every minuscule interaction you have throughout the day.

now, though, that nonchalance was nowhere to be found. it was just mark lee, seriously, what was the big deal? sure, he would be inside of your apartment. sure, you're also so attracted to him you may or may not have already had your fair share of wet dreams that can never, EVER be mentioned around ten lee (you knew he would never let you live them down). it's not like you guys were going to go at it like rabbits. he was just a guy coming over to watch spiderman movies with you. no biggie. 

a knock at the door startled you out of your thoughts. with one final glance at the mirror, you turned to welcome your (kind-of) drug dealer into your apartment. the door swung open to reveal mark lee, in all of his glory, carrying multiple grocery bags in either hand.

"hey, mark. i told you that you didn't need to bring anything." you reached out to take some of the bags from his hands, pointedly ignoring how domestic and natural it felt between the two of you to behave in such a way. 

"i know, it just felt wrong to come empty handed. it's just some more snacks and some drinks haha" he toed his shoes off and fully entered your apartment, shutting the door behind himself. "thanks for having me over, by the way."

"don't say that yet, you might be begging to escape later" you glanced up at him with a smile on your face, finding the same expression mirrored on his own face "i get more serious about marvel than you might be prepared for."

"little do you know, i'm so serious about spiderman that it's been banned at our friend group's movie nights."

"sounds like we're the perfect match then."

you had both gathered small snack plates, filing into your bedroom (ohmygod mark lee in your bedroom. getting into your bed. holy shit. you did not think this part through). the deep breath that you had to suck in was mildly humiliating, but the way mark almost tripped over a stray cinnamoroll plush on the ground was more humiliating, so you took that as a win. 

you felt comfortable with him. it wasn't necessarily surprising that you had managed to become so friendly with him in a short period of time, but it was surprising that you already wanted him this badly. you might need to stage an intervention for yourself, because there was no reason mark lee should look that good curled up in your bed, watching intently as tom holland flys across the screen. 

you could see why these movies were banned in his friend group, with mark's frequent commentary and analyses cutting into the movie. if you weren't so obsessed with his voice and his semi-alarmingly in depth theories, you might have even been annoyed. instead, this was filed away in your brain as "top 10 cutest things mark lee has ever done." 

you had a feeling you would be adding on to that list quite a lot in the coming weeks.

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⊹₊⟡⋆ mel's corner: sorryy for such a delayed update ahhh! the holidays + work are keeping me booked and busy but thank you all so much for your patience <3

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[sorceressofthesky]

Something that really strikes me about the Zauntrio flashback is the fact that Silco only has two lines in the entire 3-minute scene. First, he says, "Oh, you're sadly mistaken. I'm bozo 1." Then, "To Zaun, then; blisters and bedrock." That's all he contributes. He does shut his notebook and move closer to the group after Felicia shares the news, but that's it. He has no comments to make about his seemingly close friend's pregnancy. No questions, no reassurance, hardly even a reaction beyond the knee-jerk surprise and a few vague smiles.

I've seen people say that Silco's villain arc makes no sense with the context of this "happy family" scene, but the way I read it is the complete opposite. He doesn't seem particularly thrilled about kids being in the picture. He seems like he's suppressing something. Faintly smiling and throwing out vague uplifting statements but tactfully dodging the actual elephant in the room. Whatever he's thinking is something he wants to keep to himself.

By the time we've met up with them in Season 1, Silco wanted a revolution and control, while Vander wanted peace between Piltover and Zaun. It wasn't always like that, though, and the implication is that Vander's perspective changed once he became responsible for the kids. So I think what we're witnessing in the flashback scene is the very first cracks in the trio. It's Silco realising that it isn't always going to be just the three of them. It's him questioning what this all means for the bloody revolution and hard-earned independence he always envisioned.

It's only a few small fractures at this stage, but those cracks would've only grown once Vi and Powder were actually in the picture. If Vander's flashbacks as Warwick are anything to go by, Silco didn't have much of a role in raising the kids even when he was still friends with Vander and Felicia. A pseudo-family wasn't what he wanted, so he drifted apart from the trio, a force in the background trying to keep Vander's head in the game when there were so many distractions to pull him off track.

All this building tension culminates on the bridge, where Silco started the fight that got Felicia and Connol killed. That's where their paths diverge entirely; where Vander realises that family and community is his priority now, not blind violence and carnage, while Silco doubles down on his idea of revolution at all costs. Without Felicia there to hold them together, the two remaining halves split apart, and Vander attempts to drown him.

This would explain why Silco is so nonchalant about potentially killing Vi as early as Episode 3, despite her being Felicia's child. We know he believes that power "comes to those who will do anything to achieve it". I find it hard to imagine that mentality started only after Vander tried to kill him. It might have only been seeds of dormant ruthlessness back then, but it's enough to believe that this is the same Silco who threatens Marcus using his daughter and shows no regard for the death of Renni's son. Silco does not care about children or the sanctity of a new generation. He does not believe in family.

But despite all of this, I do think he recognised Powder. He saw himself in her when he witnessed Vi's abandonment and betrayal. It was easy to rationalise the decision to take her in; he recognised her potential to become an asset to their revolution. But whether there were deeper emotions there from the beginning or if those only formed with time, he definitely did not expect to love her like a parent. That was not his nature, as far as he knew. It was only after he was given the ultimatum by Jayce that he truly understood Vander's perspective, and by then, he was already undone.

[vaxxman]

Oh I'm sad to see people didn't like comic 7, I thought it was very well done.

This isn't an invitation to an argument, I just want to say my opinion because I'm seeing a lot of people criticising the last chapter.

We got a lot of answers and everything that seemed conveniently placed for plot was completely in the scope of how the previous stories have worked before. I thought it was funny that soldier lived in a cave of Australium. It's just as convenient as Medic having a deal with the devil and the mercs being unable to die. Or Grey Mann having a daughter who no one wants to punch in a fist fight. Or Sniper's parents coincidentally being involved with the sinking of New Zealand.

I think it was a very good choice to not let the mercs do anything plot driving in this chapter, because this conflict was never a conflict that could have been ended by the mercs. They wouldn't even have cared, heh. We've known that everything was carefully orchestrated by the Admin, so it could only have been resolved by those who are part of the bigger conflict. Hence Miss Pauling, the Admin and Saxton do most of the plot. Everyone else already had a lot of screen time in the previous chapters, but none of their stories were truly contributing to the actual conflict at hand, so the story can't come to an end until we actually see the person who's been pulling the threads actually come to terms with what she was doing. I'm very happy that her ultimate plan turned out to just be a pointless act of revenge, since we've all known from the start that the gravel wars are pointless. This is just one more dimension deeper into how pointless it is.

Managing to resolve the story and making sure all characters receive a happy end the way they did was more than I had hoped for comic 7. But just to summarise how I think everyone received their peace of mind across all comics:

1. Sniper: Finds out he's adopted -> figures out his step parents were his true family after all

2. Spy: Really wants to tell Scout that he's his dad -> actually manages to say the words, even if he wasn't honest with his appearance

3. Soldier: Delusional hater of commies -> marries a Russian woman and stops claiming racist things, because Zhanna as a person was more important to him than whatever he believed about Russian people. Still weird, not with less delusion but genuinely a sweet father and husband. Exaggerated and maximally silly way of how to actually change people's racist opinions in real life.

4. Scout: Upset that he can't get laid and thinks he has to be More Man -> glows up by becoming a dad who steps up and is less preoccupied with getting the girl of his dreams. His kids are what matters to him now and he becomes like his mom

5. Heavy: Worried about his family in Siberia -> his sisters show him they don't need him to protect them all the time and everyone moves to America so he can be with them. His sisters get to live freely.

6. Engineer: Is involved with the conflict since his grandpa, and is contractually unable to stop it -> tells Miss Pauling to sink all Australium in a trench so this never happens again

7. Saxton Hale: Wants to go back to the time when he was still actively doing things, gets his company stolen -> gets his company back but realises it doesn't make him happy. Leaves his company and joins Maggie again because fighting alongside her was what he's always wanted since we got glimpses of his past

8. Miss Pauling: Thinks the Administrator has a great plan that desperately needs her -> learns the plan was nothing at all and decides on the spot to end it by not giving Admin any more Australium because she realises she has been feeding into the conflict

Medic, Demoman, and Pyro never had a personal conflict to resolve. Medic had his moments to shine by sabotaging TFC and being in hell then coming back. Demoman had his arc with his liver leaving him and defeating the robots due to the alcohol in his blood. Medic scooped out parts of his brain to keep him unquestioning about his eye. Pyro is just a very simple character, and I say that with no judgement at all. Pyro is happy with arson, but also with a Dalmatian as their pet.

Everyone is still friends with each other and have their own little families. They come together to celebrate Smissmass at Scout's place. I think Saxton's last line "or do you want to live forever" was so well placed, being a nod to the meme from Expiration Date, as well as pointing out that, obviously, things have to come to an end we should embrace that ending when we see it's time.

And as always. If anyone doesn't like that any of these things, we are still free to make our own stories and reinterpret characters.

[causeimcrayzeebee]

Wolfgang Akire through the lens of the law: an analysis

i would like to give a disclaimer that while im very interested in the law, im not a lawyer or in law school. my knowledge comes from the few law classes i have taken, participation in a couple mock trials, and some personal research, so please take this with a grain of salt! if im missing something or saying something inaccurate, please let me know! i am always open to learning more!! not to mention this is my understanding of law in the United States, so this may differ by country.

in the end, this isn’t meant to be too serious, just using the knowledge i do have and applying it to p:eg!!!

okay now spoilers for the prologue and all of chapter 1!

well ig before we get into it let me say rest in peace a king... I will miss you, you hypocritical bastard........

alright, so firstly, let’s consider Wolfgang’s character profile.

two things stand out to me here. the first is how he has “successfully defended over 200 of his clients without dropping a single case.” we can infer that Wolfgang is a criminal defense attorney. it’s possible he could be a lawyer in the civil law sector instead, but considering his strong feelings about murder and crime, and the fact that this is Danganronpa, it leads me to believe he is a criminal attorney for the sake of relevance (I don't think any of us would care if he were a corporate attorney after all).

now, that sentence you just read is particularly interesting in the case of Wolfgang Akire. From the prologue's mock trial, we can see that Wolfgang feels very passionately about murder, condemning the murderer even without insight as to why they committed the crime, instead big on retribution and justice (which the definition of could definitely be debated). Yet, as a defense lawyer, Wolfgang would have been defending people from criminal accusations, from anything to armed robbery, arson, or murder. we’re not particularly sure on his view of other crime, but we can assume he also has a similarly negative view of it that he has of murder. out of 200 people (within such a short time span of finishing law school too), what are the odds that out of all 200, not one of them was actually guilty? of course, lawyers have the ability to drop or not take on cases, but as his profile says, he hasn’t dropped a single case! it’s quite possible he had complete faith that every client was innocent, but with the evidence and files he’d have to go through, he had to have seen something that was damning and prepared accordingly to address in the most sympathetic way possible to avoid prosecution winning their case. and that's the thing with Wolfgang; his job requires building sympathy for the accused, and it requires sowing seeds of doubt in prosecution's case. there had to have been someone that he was defending from an accurate charge(s). so whether he knew it or not, he has very likely defended people guilty of crime; and yet, he still feels very adamantly against them.

Here's where I fall short on my analysis; I honestly do not know what to make of this conclusion. his behavior and his ideals are almost contradictory in a sense. is this insight to wolfgang's clear hypocrisy? but what does that really say about him? I'd love to know what any of y'all think in regards to this :0

Now, the second thing that stands out to me is that he wants to make sure that everyone is fairly represented and make sure logic and evidence drive the discussion. While this does seem to be true, the mock trial shows that he lets his feelings become a big part of the discussion as well. everything he does screams prosecutor to me, so it was shocking to find out he works as defense. Wolfgang has a very interesting way of viewing things, almost dichotomous, unlike what his profile says. it's similar to the format of a trial, where it's not meant to be a team working together to find the complexities and nuance within a certain issue, but rather an attempt to prove your point and disprove the other side. trials aren't supposed to be a discussion where everyone reaches the truth together (Danganronpa trials are not very accurate but of course I don't think they were intended to be in the first place), they are for you to win your case-- as a defense attorney, its poking as many holes into the prosecution’s case as possible. (little fun side note, this is very similar to how debate works; Wolfgang and Damon are a lot more alike than one would originally think.)

Considering all of this, it makes me wonder if Wolfgang was intentionally trying to split the group apart,,,, because it's easier. because it makes more sense. as defense, lawyers may pin the crime on another, but without the burden of proof that prosecution does, they can sling out accusations to increase doubt on prosecutions case without having to actually prove it (that would be left for a separate case). it's easier to divide a group and have a bunch of people follow you while isolating the 'other side', and with that division made, it's more likely someone you isolated will be the 'villian' anyways; and in this case, this was true-- Eva, who has been socially ostracized her whole life, was driven to murder to protect herself from the blinding fear that everyone was out for her (even if that wasn't entirely true). this could be just how Wolfgang has gotten used to going through his life. maybe the bad habits he picked up from his father were the divisive kind of us vs them mindset lawyers have to have in a courtroom.

speaking of his father, let's address the motive-- there's so many things that Wolfgang's blackmail could be about; faking his law degree, not taking the bar exam, defending horrible people, the list goes on. Honestly, a scenario i have considered is that it's about him defending his father for a crime he actually did commit, yet winning the case; or his father commuting a crime in general and winning his case, leaving Wolfgang conflicted as that is the sort of thing he does all the time, yet his father had just taken away his mothers life and gotten free (this is very much just me guessing a possibility though). when Wolfgang was hallucinating, he says he's not like them (to diana who he thinks is someone else) and he'll never be like them; It's most likely that he saw his father. the theory I'm going with right now is that his father was at the very least heavily involved in the likely murder of his mother (thus bring her back in reference to his mom). his father was probably also a lawyer and may have pushed wolfgang into going into the field himself, especially when he sent him to law school as a teenager. maybe Wolfgang wanted to live up to the expectations his father had of him. who knows exactly what Wolfgang wanted everyone to know him as, it was probably a long the lines of a competent lawyer. but, as of right now it's all speculation (objection! haha.... that was not funny my bad), so again, I'd love to hear some thoughts.

Another little funny thing i'd like to note is when Damon and Eva come back to the dinning hall and Wolfgang asks where they've been, Damon responds saying it was for discussing the motive. He's internally smug about how defeated Wolfgang seemed to be by that, and I thought that the funniest shit; very similar to being on cross examination, thinking you have the witness in your hands, when suddenly they wiggle out of your accusation. he's so real for that.

that is pretty much all i've got so far! let me know what y'all think and thanks for reading!!! :)

[thefoolarcxna]

Jimmy from mouthwashing and Polyphemus, the cyclops who wronged him

a amateur analysis of Jimmys mindset

(very big yap session incoming)

When I think about the way Jimmy from mouthwashing views himself and the situation he led himself into because of his actions, it reminds me of a Greek tale.

I believe, in a way, Jimmy views himself as Odysseus and Curly/Anya/Pony Express as the cyclops, Polyphemus.

Odysseus, our hero, ends up on an island after winning the Trojan war and finally heading home after a long 10 year battle. Him and his men walk onto the island finding a cave with food and sheep inside. The men help themselves to this food in a hopes their assumed host wouldn’t mind and would accept wine as a form of gift/reimbursement for what they take. Finally, the owner of the cave comes home, who is revealed to be a giant cyclops, not very happy to see a bunch of strangers eating his food and taking his sheep. In a fit of anger(depending on the version of the story you read) he antagonizes/attacks the crew ending in the death of either a few or a couple hundred men. He eventually falls asleep which leads Odysseus into grabbing the monsters club and have the remainder of his men shave it into a stake and shoving it into the monsters eye. Leaving him blind. The men escape after taking more and leaving the cyclops to fend for himself.

Obviously, you’re supposed to see Polyphemus as a villain. He unjustly killed many men for a seemingly simple mistake, which Odysseus recognizes, they didn’t know he would react badly to his food/sheep being taken, they believed he was someone who would be willing to lend a hand and be willing to accept their wine as a gift to him. An eye for an eye. Odysseus lost his men for something that could’ve been solved if Polyphemus had just taken what they were willing to give.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Jimmy views himself as someone who made a simple, fixable mistake. And is being unfairly punished for it by this monster who has so much more power than Jimmy. Who should’ve accepted the apology he was willing to give. Jimmy is Odysseus, this misunderstood war hero who was just trying to feed his men, who was trying to keep the peace with this monster who wanted to hurt him for what he had done, which could’ve been solved.

Curly/Pony express in jimmy’s great Greek tragedy are the side of Polyphemus who is a brutal and evil cyclops who felt the need to punish and hurt him for what he had done. This monster who was willing to kill him for something he didn’t mean to do. This monster who towered over Jimmy, who was this powerless mortal with no gods on his side.

Anya is the side of Polyphemus who should’ve forgiven Jimmy, who should’ve taken the wine, shut up and let him go free. But no, he had to argue back, so he lost his only eye. Being left disabled, with no way to see. Who was left to rot alone without a second thought because he didn’t care about this monster who tried to hurt him. Why would he?

because jimmy is the great greek hero after all, caged and misunderstood by the gods. Trying to make it home to his simple life in Ithaca.

fuck you, Jimmy.

(I hope this makes sense, this has been on the back of my brain for a while and needed to get this out of my head and out there, if you guys have any opinions on this I’d love to hear, I’m not very good at getting my words out and I like to hear other people’s thought on stuff like this :) )

[catthestampede]

Danny Phantom is a red lantern oh no

Danny’s angry really really angry

About as angry as a dead teenager can get

Danny’s been slowly getting angrier over the last two years since the first time he called the justice league for help and he was told to stop making up stories

or stop freaking calling us kid

Or prank calls aren’t funny

or literally anything that they could come up with as long as it was not the truth

Because clearly Danny from Amany Park is a liar.

Because ghost aren’t real let’s not think about the justice league dark that exist but there’s no hotline to them

Danny just had to keep trying with the normal justice league he was stupid after the fourth time he should’ve just given up but he kept trying for over six months

And then his number is blocked

And that was the day Danny lost any and all faith that anyone would ever come to help

The next week Dan attacked

Two months after that Pariah Dark attacked

Two months after that most of his town was killed and destroyed

Two days after that he finally finds Tucker‘s body

Two days after that he’s breaking into a g I w base to get some of the people back and he finds Sam’s corpse

Approximately 40 minutes later he finds Ellie getting experimented on by his parents

No Dr. Fentons experimenting on his little sister daughter cousin

Approximately 14 minutes later the GIW base blew up

Approximately three days later Ellie was OK she looked to be about six months old and that’s a generous giving.

Jazz was also OK somehow she’s still very injured but nothing life-threatening

That was also the day Danny realize he had a ring on his finger

(A year and a half later )

Denny’s created free distinctive Lee different identities

Is Danny Nightingale A tragic orphan who managed to get his grades up after he lost everything but his sister and his daughter

Danny Phantom The ghost king fair is a calm kind of humans and would never heard any of them currently negotiating with the government for peace

And dawn The red lantern Who has a great deal against three things

The GIW and any and all sympathizers

Vlad Masters

And the justice league

He separated those free identities to the best of his capabilities with the help of all of his resources

Now with the GIW on their last leg and Ellie said to start preschool soon

And Vlad was taken care of relatively fast lift the object of his obsession being gone he was so weak

So if all that taken care of there’s only one thing left

Crush the justice league one step at a time

And who knows what he’ll do after that maybe he’ll try to figure out how to ruin Christmas forever or something equally villainess because that seems to be the path is going down (:

Whatever he’ll figure it out when it comes time

[estcaligo]

From cold Winter Night to warm Spring Light or Less Fae, More Human

some thoughts about the order of Diasomnia birthdays Lilia → Malleus → Sebek → Silver

Winterlandschaft, Caspar David Friedrich (1811) Spring (Fruit Trees in Bloom), Claude Monet (1873)

Even if Lilia's birthday date isn't real, it doesn't matter here. I see it as a beautiful symbol of transition and growth.

Nocturnal faes… long-living, cold, and distant, blessed by the Night. Winter nights are cold and dark, often scary and dangerous if you're not careful. No matter what happens, snow will fall and cover everything, burying even the most violent battlefields under millions of snowflakes, capturing even the grandest castle ruins in a frozen tomb. Sometimes, when the nights are especially silent, it feels like time freezes in winter… Much like it sometimes feels for faes.

Lilia and Malleus are winter children, those of January. Lilia is too old now, but Malleus has hundreds of years ahead - a chance to look into the future, to into new possibilities, to step into Spring.

Spring is the season humans greet with relief. Another yearly trial of death has passed, and with it comes the promise of new hope. Days grow longer, the Sun shines warmer, birds sing, and people spend more time outdoors, bonding with each other and finding joy in simple, human pleasures.

Sebek was born in March - not quite Winter, but not fully Spring. March often brings snow, as if winter's legacy lingers. The weather is unstable, with winds and thunderstorms, as though the season is torn between two halves.

Sebek reflects this turmoil. Born of both human and fae heritage, a storm rages within him, much like the storms outside in March. Is it even possible to find balance when you are born on the borderline? When your very nature is to embody the qualities of two opposing worlds? A difficult question indeed.

Yet time moves on, and with it, the world grows brighter. As spring unfolds, it brings more Light, more Warmth, and with them, more Peace and Hope.

May is a wonderful month - gentle, joyous, and beautiful. It feels as though all living beings - humans, faes, beastmen, and more - agree on this. As if it unites all species, harmonizing them in the shared delight of Nature's renewal.

Silver, born in May, treasures this month. It's warm enough to train comfortably outdoors, but what he cherishes most is the sight of his loved ones' smiles as they gather to celebrate his birthday. Their smiles warm his heart like the gentle May Sun, filling him with the purest happiness. Seeing faes and humans together, united in peace at the birthday table, means everything to him.

Though they come to honor him, Silver wishes to thank them instead - for being together, for their unity. His feelings are as pure as Spring itself.

"May I?"

[alicethenobody]

OMG SAME 100% FACTS TRUE i fucking hate how the dmc fans online keep making the same repetitive unfunny dante in debt jokes while being more empathetic towards both nero and vergil. like dante tends to have isolation habits or isolate himself from others to protect others, that's a common trope in fiction in general (especially japanese fictional stories but some western stories like The Boys or Spiderman has this trope too). These people are actually fucking stupid sometimes. Not to mention without Dante - Vergil and Nero wouldn't exist in the series. I'm also glad I'm not the only one who thinks Dante is one of the more realistic responses to trauma I've seen.

The way the DMC fanbase treats my boy Dante sometimes also reminds me of how the Tekken community treats my man Jin Kazama (especially on websites like reddit, twitter, and the YouTube comments section). They always show more empathy towards his father Kazuya (who is very similar to Vergil and Sasuke, man loses his family and goes down a dark path obsessed with power. also is the father of another character but is absent in their child's life) and Heihachi (who is literally just evil...like dude fucking killed his own wife, his own father, Michelle's father, Lidia's father, Leroy's entire family. dude unleashed shrek and killed innocent people.). Yet they mock Jin's mental health issues of survivor's guilt and low self esteem and make shitty jokes at his expense a lot. Jin lived a peaceful humble life with his mother Jun until Ogre attacked and Jin wanted to defeat Ogre to avenge his mother and also avenge the other fighters who were hurt by Ogre (ex. Hwoarang's master, King's adopted father). Then Heihachi who Jin trusted for years just betrays him by almost killing him via being shot multiple times. Then Jin finds out he was born with the Devil Gene thanks to his dad and has a hard time controlling it. His father Kazuya only cares about power and wants to kill Jin to get the rest of the Devil Gene for himself and Kazuya mostly cares about revenge against Heihachi. Most of the terrible shit in his life is out of his control. Like Dante, Jin also isolates himself from others out of fear his devil gene might hurt them or they might get dragged into the problems of the dysfunctional Mishima bloodline he's trying to end.

It also doesn't help that the creators of Tekken also lowkey hate Jin Kazama too, Harada blatantly stated in multiple interviews that he prefers villainous characters (ex. Heihachi aka Harada's favorite character), and Harada always wanted Jin to be a villain like his precious Heihachi Mishima but the team disagreed at first for obvious reasons (there are already too many bad guys/morally grey characters in Tekken, Jin is supposed to be the good mishima bloodline member he is supposed to be the good guy who doesn't let his trauma or family history make him bad, and it'd just be a repeat of Kazuya's story). Then Harada also assassinated Jin's character and made him OOC in Tekken 6's shitty scenario campaign story. Jin's potrayal in Tekken 6 completely contradicts his characterization in the older games (especially his Tekken 4 ending) and Jin is just out of character in that game, but the fanbase are usually idiots who don't realize that. So the fans bash Jin even more, and oh don't get me started on all the horrible fanfiction on ao3 where Jin gets r*ped by multiple characters because he hasn't suffered enough.

Both Dante and Jin deserve better, i hate it here it's always my favs are cursed lmao. (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

YEAAAH like I’m sorry but I think people are so overly critical of his actions in DMC5. I’m always gonna be of the belief he did nothing wrong in that game except for not telling Nero Vergil was his dad but he had reasons for not telling him like… the fact that he was afraid of cursing Nero with the same life he was living if he got too closely associated with either twin. And the fact that Nero most likely wouldn’t believe him (which Dante himself said) unless he had definitive proof for him. Dante is a man weighed down by the responsibility of protecting all of humanity, something any other person would completely crack under. So he thinks he can only let people in a certain amount or else they could get hurt. It happened many times, after all. Like I’d understand the criticisms of his behavior if he acted like a toxic asshole the whole time but… he really doesn’t. At worst he’s said something insensitive a couple times which… who hasn’t done that in their life and he felt bad about it both times it happened lmao (when he upset Nero in 5 and when he accidentally made Patty cry in the anime. Like he was actively miserable the entire episode because of it.) I’ve read such a weird amount of posts bashing Dante or fanfics that do the same.

Btw I’ve never played Tekken but that sounds shitty :(

[moody-alcoholic]

These Violent Delights

Chapter 6 - Bonus

Summary: poly 141 x fem!reader, a/b/o AU. WC: 850

CW: mentions of heat, mentions of sex.

TVD masterlist - next bonus

Enjoy <3

“So how many hours do you think we’ll have to kill?” Johnny asks as he spots Kyle.

“Depends on how out of practice he is.” Kyle chuckles.

“I reckon he’s got more stamina then he claims. Just likes to watch us do all the work.” Johnny says winking at him.

“Pff, you’re a menace you know that.” Kyle says, putting the weights down.

“What do you think LT?” Johnny calls over at Simon, who’s sat on the next machine reading a file.

“None of my business Soap.” He says without looking up. Kyle looks up at Johnny moving off the machine.

“Christ what’s up your arse today?” Johnny scoffs taking Kyle’s place on the bench press.

“What do you think it’s going to be like when she’s in heat?” Kyle asks.

“Don’t know. Dr. Montgomery knows what she’s doing.” Johnny says picking up the weights. “Besides we’re not the ones who have to worry, right Si?”

Simon sighs trying not to let his irritation come through.

“She’s definitely pretty.” Johnny says. Simon looks up at him as she brings the weights down.

“What you thinking about?” Kyle asks.

“Nothin’ just mentioning ‘s all.” He grunts pushing the weights back up. Simon sighs again going back to the file.

“You’re sayin’ you wouldn’t if you had the opportunity?” Johnny asks the room sitting up. Kyle scoffs.

“Well, it seems so complicated.” Kyle says shrugging.

“Pff, it’s just sex.” Johnny chuckles. Simon stands up. Kyle and Johnny watch as he heads to the door.

“Where you off too?” Johnny calls.

“To find some peace and quiet.” He calls back.

“Jesus. Do you know how quiet you are?” Piper says jumping at the hulking figure who seemingly just appeared next to her. Simon smiles under his mask.

“What are you working on?” He asks. She sighs pulling a paper towards her.

“Hale made the formula to resist almost all known pathogen’s. I’m trying to find if there are any he missed.” She says as he comes round to sit next to her. “You okay? I would have thought you’d be in bed by now.”

“Fine.” He replies. There’s a silence in the air, Piper doesn’t push him scrolling through something on her computer.

“Why did she choose him over me?” Simon doesn’t move, his gaze fixated on the piece of paper in front of him. Piper looks over at him, he fidgets with the paper.

“I don’t think she did.” She says. She’s not quite sure what to say. She has to be careful with her words.

“Simon, it’s normal to have the same urges as John. But it’s not her fault how things have happened.”

“I know that.” He scoffs, there's hostility in his voice. “Never mind.”

Piper goes back to the computer. The data she’s looking at suddenly seems like the most tedious job in the world.

“You told me you thinks she hates you.” She says, testing the waters. He just hums pushing the piece of paper away. “Do you still think that?”

“No.” He sighs. “I think she’s scared of me.”

“She’s not scared of you. She’s not used to having people around her she can trust. Especially alpha’s.” She says looking over at him. “You already come across as an intimidating person.” He turns to look at her and she smiles. She can’t read his expression under the mask as easy as she wants to. He looks back down at the table.

“You could try going for a walk with her. She likes the outdoors.” She suggests. He hums.

“Do you really think there could be a double claiming?”

“I don’t know. But if you would have asked me a few weeks ago if a pack could survive with 2 alphas I would have laughed in your face. It seems to be working out well.” She says.

“Maybe we’re special.” He says, she can hear the bitterness in his voice.

“Yeah, I think you are.” She says ignoring it. “You don’t need do anything fancy, or have sex with her. Just be there, talk to her. She’ll open up to you.”

“You have to open up too though. Don’t get something for nothing.” She says nudging him. He takes a big breath in.

“Now that I don’t believe,” he says, Piper smiles turning back to her laptop.

“It’ll work out Simon, whatever happens you’ll face it as a pack. That’s a strength a lot of people will never have.” He looks over at her the laptop lighting up her face as she works. He presses his lips together looking back at the piece of paper he’s been fiddling with.

At least when they have a cure he won’t need to worry about this anymore. Life can go back to normal. There's a photo of you pinned in the corner of the paper. It makes him smile.

"Need a hand?" He asks pushing the paper away.

"Always." She chuckles.

Chapter 6 - next bonus

Dividers by plum98

[ink-stainedkiss]

ʜɪᴛᴏꜱʜɪ ꜱʜɪɴꜱᴏᴜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴɴᴏɴꜱ ꩜

Boyfriend!Shinsou who lives for taking naps with you. Shinso is naturally tired and sleep was a normal thing, but when he found you, it stopped being just a routine. He looked forward to cuddling up, holding you, and listening to your heartbeat. It was the closest Shinso could ever get to peace.

Boyfriend!Shinsou who only lets you and himself hold his cat. He’s always been protective over her since she was a tiny black kitten found cowering in an alleyway. Because she was a rescue, it took a while for her to warm up to anyone, but after lots of months, Eclipse adored Shinso. However, Eclipse’s hesitance toward new people made Shinso slightly nervous to introduce you too, but as he was explaining her behavior, the cat walked right up and purred against your legs, like there was no sign of the hissing fluff ball Shinso had to tame so long ago.

Boyfriend!Shinsou who realized he loved you when you confessed you never found him or his quirk scary. The day it happened will always hold a special place in his heart and he wishes he could relive it over and over.

You both sat atop a small building in-ground beta. You had asked Shinsou to be your training partner for the Sports Festival, which he was utterly shocked to hear, but the work paid off. You both had grown closer and maybe it was just the calming sight of the sunset, but Shinsou felt he could trust you.

“Why would nobody say that? You’re going to be an amazing hero someday.” You said truthfully. Shinsou watched you, trying to find some sort of humor or tease in your tone, but you only stared back with the purest of sincerity,” Do you not think…” he stopped halfway, unsure if asking you this would make you see him different,” Not think what, Shinsou?”

He sighed, turning back to the sun,” Do you not think I’m scary?” Shinsou waited for the hesitance, the words that let him down easy, but he knew the truth. Oddly, Shinsou didn’t hear anything, except for the sound of your giggles,” Is this because of those assholes in your middle school who framed you to be a bad guy?”

He was completely confused and he wasn’t sure if you were mocking him. You shook your head, wiping away a tear,” No, Shinsou. I’m not afraid of you and I never will be.” You confirmed,” I know what your quirk is, but I never believed you would use it for bad. I’m sorry you had to grow up worrying about that.” Your giggles calmed down and you faced the violet-haired boy,” From what you've told me, I know there isn’t any villain in you, so stop thinking people only see the bad in you.”

You stare into his dark magenta eyes and it feels as if the world around the two of you is silent,” Cause I definitely don’t.” It was probably just from the sun, but at that moment, Shinsou saw this light emitting from you and he swore you never looked prettier.

Boyfriend!Shinsou who sometimes uses his capture weapon to get you closer to him or to drag you back if you walk away. He finds the little squeak you let out adorable and during patrols, if it’s pretty dead, he’ll wrap you up just for fun. Also, don’t think that getting angry will make him let you go, cause he’ll just keep calling you hot or cute as you demand to be released.

Boyfriend!Shinsou who really doesn’t have a care in the world if you asked to do his makeup/nails/skincare. He will sit there quietly, occasionally adding comments as you work. Most of the time he’s distracted by your concentrated face.

“Toshi?” You called,” Toshi.” That gets him out of his trance fast enough. The boy blinks, giving you a questioning look,” What?” You give him a disapproving glare,” Did you even hear me? I asked you to turn your head like five times.” Shinsou has only a second to play off his embarrassment, it’s not his fault you’re so gorgeous when you’re focused,” Sorry, just thinking.”

You continue to apply the sticky facial mask, humming in curiosity,” About what?” You lean back, letting him turn back to you. He gives you a lopsided smile, his eyes scanning your face,” You.” You rolled your eyes, mouth open to give him a cocky response, but the boy swooped in, stealing your lips against his. While it’s a loving gesture, you push him off of you as you feel the cold mask rub against your face,” Toshi!”

But he wasn’t having it, completely forgetting the skincare as he placed his hands on your waist and pulled you closer.

Boyfriend!Shinsou who takes mental notes about everything you do or use. Everything. From hair care products to your order at restaurants. You don’t need to tell him what brand of shampoo to get, because he already has it memorized. He watches you constantly, and though it sounds creepy, he’s only trying to learn more about you. (Even if he’s pretty sure he knows more about you than you know yourself.) Not only the items you like but along with places and experiences. He took you out to a cafe once and he noticed how relaxed you look, so that became one of your favorite spots. He understands how you despise the subway trains, how your nose scrunched at the smells and how you clung to him the entire time. Let’s just say that was the last time you ever stepped foot on a train.

[tomhockstetter7-111]

Highest Form of Empathy - Chapter 4

2k+ words

Logan x empath!reader

It's a blessing and a curse, feeling other's pain. More so when you can take it away, albeit at the expense of your own peace. One-night stands were a usual for you. That's all this was supposed to be. But, seeing someone in so much pain, you couldn't leave him like that. You just couldn't. Besides, it's not like you'd ever see him again.....

Chapter CW: Mentions of trauma and relationship issues

dunno how to make/pick headers...help, not peer edited

Masterlist

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Mid-January, 2006

Westchester, New York

~~

You and Rogue converse casually about the past week's events. In the time between your first and second sessions, she had grown more open to the idea of you as a confidant. It became a common occurrence that Rogue would pull you aside during your off time to ask for advice on various things: Bobby, fitting in with the others, and especially her career plans, or lack thereof. Though, she did mention a passion for linguistics at one point. You made a mental note to explore it more later. 

You tried keeping a professional distance from her. But, she’s just such a sweetheart. You couldn’t find it in yourself to say no.

Now, you sit in the big green chairs in your office talking over water glasses. The day winds down to an end as you chat. It's here you learn of what happened between her escape from home and the present day. She makes an off-hand comment on what living on the road was like, and you jump on it with a "Tell me about that."

“After I left home,” she says, “I hitchhiked to a place in Canada. I used to tell people there was this one spot I wanted to visit. So, I went.” She stretches her arms out, placing her wrists on her knees. “Turns out it was the middle of nowhere.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” You flip the page of a teal notepad dedicated to Rogue. It’s a lot easier keeping track of things like family trees, key memories, and such when you sort everyone in their own books like this.

“It’s fine. I just picked it off a map I had. It wasn’t all bad, though. That’s how I met Logan.” You perk up at the mention of his name. Remy’s story from last week echoes in your memory. “He was cage fighting at the time. I stowed away in his trunk. He tried kicking me out and leaving me alone, but then he stopped and let me come with him instead. I think he’s too nice to do something like that,” she chuckles lightly to herself. “Then, the professor found us, and I ended up here.”

“And then what happened?” You scribble away at the pages, feeling how Rogue’s mood sours a bit after your question.

“There was an accident. I got hurt cause of him. Then, he got hurt, and I thought everyone hated me for it so I left. Then, Magneto found me. He wanted to use my power for some device that could speed up mutations in people. He didn’t care that it would’a killed me.”

You find yourself gritting your teeth in an attempt to hold back reactions as you listen to her story. Magneto. That was the guy’s name you couldn’t remember. The guy who’s plan would’ve killed so many people just to prove some twisted argument. Though, you couldn’t quite remember how. And, worse, he was ok with killing a fucking child for it?

“The machine turned some of my hair white,” she chuckles humorlessly. The remark catches you by surprise. Up to now you had dismissed it as some fashion choice on her part. It never occurred to you that it wasn't natural. Well, maybe it is, now.

"It suits you, though," you reassure. "I think it frames your face nicely."

“Thanks. Logan liked it, too. Made me less embarrassed.” She smiles down at her lap. “He saved me that day. Gave me his healing powers after pulling me from the machine. I don’t know if I was dead but…” She pauses, and the mood around you drops heavily. “I really owe him. He never stopped looking out for me after that. We've talked a lot about Bobby. Says I deserve better...or that he should think a little more, at least." She looks down and fidgets with her gloves

"Is that so?" Your pen pauses against the paper.

"He says that…if he loves me, he'll consider more than just how I make him feel. Says love is s’posed to be deeper than surface. That you gotta put their needs on top of yours." Her gaze falls to the side, and you can feel her guilt over the topic along with an ache in her chest. It's faint, but it's there. In truth, her relations with Bobby worried you. He's clearly a sweet guy and means well. But, he's still so young. They both are. "I don't wanna think he's not right for me. But..." She trails off. 

"Rogue," you call out. "If you have resignations about the relationship, it doesn't make you a bad person. People come and go. Sometimes, you’re the person that goes, and that’s ok." You vaguely remembered your first love back in college. Rose colored glasses made your first boyfriend seem like the perfect match to you...until you made it clear your life wasn't getting put on hold for anyone. Even still, you were a wreck when you left him.

"What if I hurt him?"

"It's part of life, hon." You give her a sympathetic look. "Sometimes things just don't work out. It's rare that your first love is who you spend your whole life with." 

She picks at the edges of her nails before speaking again in a low voice. “I think you’ll like him. Logan. You guys talk alike.”

That catches you off guard. Rogue clearly has a lot of admiration for the guy.  The way it radiates off her reminds you much of your own love for your late father. Although, saying you two are alike? It feels like a stretch after what you heard from Remy. Yeah, you slept around a bit, especially late into university. But, you had a valid reason for it, and you most certainly never encroached on anyone’s territory. It’s hard to reconcile an attempted homewrecker to a loving father figure. But, humans had so many layers. Maybe, for all his faults, this guy has some decent parts to him, too.

A moment of silence passes before you glance back at your watch. "We're out of time, but let's pick this up next week, ok?"

She nods, her face somber.

You stand and get ready to open the door for her to exit. But, before that, you put a hand on her shoulder. "It'll work out, Rogue. It always does." That gets her to crack a smile, albeit small. You pray to yourself you can get down her habits and what could work for her soon. It sucks not being able to offer proper advice.

On the other side of the door, in a waiting chair, sits the aforementioned boyfriend. 

"You doing ok?" He slings an arm around Rogue’s shoulders, and you watch as she tenses. The situation really is as complicated as it seems. But, you pray they’ll be fine.

"Yeah, I-" A loud grinding sound outside cuts Rogue off mid-sentence. She lights up like the morning sky, showing a whole new person in the process. "Logan's back!" She grabs your hand as she pulls you down the hall, screaming at you to hurry so you can “beat him to the door”. You give nods in agreement as you and Bobby attempt to keep up with her. 

Once you reach the door, you watch as Rogue jumps into the arms of a big, burly man that just walked through it. A large duffle bag sits next to them on the ground. She makes sure to avoid contact with his head as she gives a tight squeeze, and your heart warms seeing her so carefree for once.

Ever the observant, you see in your sight a tall man, maybe six foot, in a brown, 70s style leather jacket with hair that...hair that resembles your mom's last cat. And, those eyes. You know those eyes. You remember those eyes. They make contact with yours, and the recognition in them tells you everything. He remembers you, too.

Shit.

Rogue pulls away, leaving Logan frozen in place, shocked face mirroring your own. She introduces him to you, the newest member of staff. You admit it’s nice to finally match a name to a face. You just wonder why it has to be his face.

"Hi." You give a greeting, mildly breathless.

He grimaces, "Hey." He lifts his hand in a pathetic attempt at a wave. There’s a faint tenseness bubbling below the surface. Is he…upset?

"About time!" Storm shouts as she comes walking down the stairs. "You're a week late, you know."

"I got lost." It's a weak defense, clearly a lie. But, Storm seems to brush it off as she reaches the ground floor only to meet eyes with you.

"Oh good! You two have met."

"Yeah," Logan says. "You could say that." He's still staring you down. God, if looks could kill…

Storm comes to stand between you. "Then, I'm sure you've noticed she's our newest babysitter."

"Hey!" You shove Storm playfully and she throws you a grin, feigning innocence. Helping with the kids you are, but “babysitter” is pushing it. The interaction helps enough to shove down your unease a bit, though.

Then, something on Logan catches her eye. "I thought you got rid of those."

You return your attention to him in time to see him tucking...something into his shirt. A defensive look dances across his face. Whatever it is looks to be hanging off a metal chain, and you raise an eyebrow, curiosity peaked.

"Logan." You hear Scott's voice at the top of the stairs. If Logan's disdain upon seeing you was obvious, it's nothing compared to what he throws at Scott.

"Scott." He clips. You glance from him to Scott, then back to him, then Scott, and back to him again.

"Oh wow." You mutter under your breath, brain connecting the dots. Now, you have to wonder what happened between them and Jean. Logan, somehow, hears your remark and shoots you a glare to which you return with an innocent smile.

"I'll...let you guys catch up. Gotta check on class plans." Storm, having no intention of wasting time escaping the awkward situation, is quick to make her exit.

Logan sizes you up, more or less, eyes never losing their edge. You cross your arms finding nothing but confusion, and a bit of hilarity, in what unfolds in front of you.

"You're late." Scott reaches the bottom of the steps and rounds the corner, catching Logan's attention, again. 

You take that moment to glance over at Rogue who's giving you a look you can't quite grasp. All you can glean from her mind is amusement, but not who it's directed towards. 

"Something you wanna say, hon?" You challenge her as Scott berates Logan over what he's missed the past couple weeks while Logan just stands there, completely unfazed.

Rogue just shakes her head at you, a cheeky smile gracing her lips. Clearly she’s seeing something you’re not.

"-unless you plan on running off with my bike…again." You catch the tail end of the conversation when Scott heavily emphasizes “again”, and your brows furrow. He stole the guy’s bike? What does he mean “again”?

"Well," Logan's eyes wander the mansion foyer before settling on you. "I could probably think of a few reasons to stick around." His eyes briefly flicker down your body.

Feeling rather exposed, you decide to look anywhere but his face while you fiddle with the zipper of your leather jacket. Well, that’s just great. This bullshit's why you do one-night stands. Too many complications come with people. Plus, with some people projecting emotions and thoughts more strongly than others, enough to where you don't even have to try looking, dating was something you gave up on a long time ago. Lucky for you, Logan seems to be one of those people. What you can’t figure out is why he seems so angry with you. Sure, you didn’t expect to see him again, and, yes, this is very, very awkward for you. But, is that really worth such a animosity? You didn’t do anything bad.

"Logan." You barely hear Scott's warning over the heat rushing to your ears. 

"You should get moving." You lean over to whisper the warning to Rogue and Bobby.

Rogue chuckles as Bobby bids Logan goodbye and begins to pull her away. "Bye, Logan,” she says before shooting you one last smirk, leaving you baffled. You figure a power like Jean’s or Charles’s would be very helpful right about now. Although, it is funny watching as she's practically dragged down the hall. Her and Bobby laugh about something you can't quite hear.

"Bye." Logan nods to her as she leaves.

Scott clears his throat. "Like I said, Logan, this is our newest staff member. She does counselling and psych work with the kids-"

"Yeah," you interrupt. "Rogue introduced us."

"Oh!" Scott raises his eyebrows. "Alright. So, he knows he'll be training you in combat, then."

"What?" Logan clarifies. No, he most certainly did not. Clearly no one had bothered to tell him

“You’re training the new recruit. In combat.” Scott leans in, emphasizing his point. “Don’t worry, big guy. She’s experienced.” His tone is condescending as he looks towards you.

“Right,” he nods. Logan breezes past that completely to tell Scott he needs to meet with Charles later. Something about "finally found what I was looking for". But, you can tell he's not done with you yet, and neither are you for that matter. For weeks now, the mysterious stranger lived rent-free in the corners of your mind, and now he's standing right in front of you. You want to take this chance to dig a little further...and…maybe clear the air a little.

"I'll let him know." Scott nods before heading down the corridor and disappearing around the corner.

You clear your throat to get Logan's attention and give him an awkward smile. "It's good to finally meet you," you say. "Rogue told me about you." Better to deal with the awkwardness sooner than later.

"Really…"

"Well, yes. I’m the new counselor and health teacher for the school." 

Logan scoffs. "You? A counselor? The whore in the bar?"

"I’m fucking sorry?” 

“You just didn’t strike me as the type.” Well, isn’t this going swimmingly? 

“I am more than qualified to be looking after these kids, unlike someone who spends his free time fucking strangers behind bars."

"Still a shit-talker, I see." He takes a step forward. "Should've put that mouth to better use when I had the chance."

"Get used to disappointment." You cross your arms over your chest as you hear your heart in your ears. You inhale, steadying yourself. No need to let things get out of hand. "Look. We're both working here. I don't want trouble."

He takes another step towards you. "Should've thought of that before you went and fucked with my head." You didn't notice before, but he towers over you. The rising anger makes it all the more unnerving.

"What?" You start cautiously, defenses up.

His face darkens. “What did you do to my head?"

"I don't...I don't know what you mean." Sorta. Really, you don't know what you did exactly. To you, all you did was take on his turmoil for the evening and hopefully give him a break. Everyone deserves a break sometimes. At least, you thought so.

"I came to that town," his voice lowers as he inches closer, "without a fucking clue who I was. I meet you. Now, I know everything. Why?" He’s in your face now, and it’s starting to scare you.

Your eyes widen once you put it together. "I really don't know what you're talking about. I just..." You try to form a proper thought, but the words lodge in your throat. Of all times, why now is your brain failing you?

Logan remains quiet, waiting for an answer.

You let out a breath. "Look. It’s part of my mutation," you finally say. “I can exchange my emotions for others’. I swear, that's all I did." He doesn't seem convinced. "You seemed like you needed a break. I figured I'd give you one." You take a step back, hoping to ease the tension just a little.

His brows furrow a little, trying to figure you out. Finally, he backs down. You notice the subtle desperation and guilt, now. It's buried under the anger, only obvious once it subsides. The empty look from that night returns as his gaze shifts to the floor. He backs up a little more before grabbing his duffle bag and walking away without a word. 

You take a deep lung-full of air once you think he's out of ear shot. What just happened?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: NOW the fun begins. Fun for me at least ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[fieldofheathers-stuff]

The Silco Saga, Part Two*: Vander and Silco haunt the narrative (and are kinda gay for each other)

*This is the second (well, actually third) post in a series I’ve lovingly dubbed “The Silco Saga, a retrospective after Season 2”. It’s halfway between flow of conscience, meta, headcanon and review, spawned from my Arcane brainrot (and recent S1 rewatch) and vaguely aimed at trying to reevaluate the entirety of Arcane with a focus on my Main Man™ Silco. Here is Part 1 (on how S2 handled Silco and Jinx’s relationship) and Part 1.5 (miscellaneous thoughts regarding timeline issues and Silco’s actions towards the kids in S1ep3).

Please feel free to comment! I love hearing different perspectives on this show.

Also, quick disclaimer (just in case it wasn’t clear from the title of this post): I ship them. Don’t like, don’t read. And I swear to God, if I hear anyone say “but they’re brothers!!!1!”, know that I’m going to curse your entire genome until the thermal death of the Universe. Bye.

——————————————————

Vander’s original sin

The portrayal of Vander that emerges from S1 and S2 is that of a man who is trying to do good by his people, but is plagued by guilt and shame due to the horrific acts of violence he committed in the past. S2 clearly shows us that the events of the Day of Ash and the subsequent attempted murder of his best friend/comrade/homoerotic situationship (I’m looking at you, Brokeback Mountain jackets) were intensely traumatic not just for Silco, but for Vander as well. I’ll admit I didn’t much care for him in S1 (mostly because of his goody-two-shoes aura which most of the fandom seemed to latch on to), but I think the elements S2 added to his backstory turned him into a wonderfully complex and contradictory character. It cements something I already kind of sensed about him in S1: that there’s a distinct layer of hypocrisy in Vander’s strict adherence to pacifism (to the point of inaction), which is not really a byproduct of a deeply held personal belief about the ethics of non-violence, but instead a way to cope with his guilt about Silco and the other victims of the Day of Ash revolt. Vander chooses to “atone” for his sins by suppressing all forms of violence, both internal and external, thus generating a safe but stifling environment in which the Lanes survive, but arguably cannot thrive long-term. And in line with Arcane’s tragic narrative, he gets ultimately punished for it: he’s forced to loose all that he holds dear (Silco, the kids and his peaceful little world) and to ultimately embody what he hates and fears most about himself (being a violent monster only capable of destruction).

During my first watch of S2 I couldn’t really figure out whether I liked or not the fact that Felicia’s death was the reason for Vander’s “betrayal” of Silco (it felt a bit contrived and love-triangle-y), but after giving it much thought I have decided that, in fact, I quite like it. It plays heavily into the theme of guilt being central to Vander’s character, and how this guilt really ends up snowballing into something completely unmanageable. Guilt about Felicia (and probably many others that died on that day) leads him to turn on Silco; and later, guilt about Silco ultimately makes him give up all violent means of revolution because he’s too afraid to harm the people he loves. Guilt also becomes a motivating factor for his adoption of Vi and Powder, since we now know he’s not just selflessly picking up two strays, but acting on a promise done to a dear friend who’s just died because of him. The fact that the details of his “betrayal” of Silco are kept pretty much a secret also reeks of guilt and shame. There’s this layer of selfishness and cowardice to his actions that I find very refreshing for a character that’s introduced to us as the closest thing to a paragon of virtue in all of Arcane.

It’s deeply tragic how his inability to properly deal with his past impacts the rest of the narrative; perhaps, had he told Vi the real reason for his unwillingness to rise against Piltover, and not the wishy-washy “violence bad, be responsible” speech, she would have been less rash and black-and-white in her thinking.

I wish S2 spend more time on the two sisters reflecting on Vander and Silco’s relationship. While it’s natural for us to draw parallels between the dyads Vi-Jinx and Vander-Silco, in reality their situations are quite different. There was no ‘betrayal’ between Vi and Jinx, just two grief-stricken children unable to handle an immensely tragic situation; but, due to the ‘lessons’ imparted to them from their ‘parents’ (lessons which themselves were distorted due to their own inability to deal with their past), they are led to believe their situation is as hopelessly unsolvable as it was for Vander and Silco.

The letter

I still haven’t decided on whether the letter would have worked on Silco or not. I think timing plays a big factor. The Silco we meet in arc 1 of S1 probably wouldn’t have been swayed; he’s already too set in his “rebirth” mentality, and the new man he has become doesn’t care about Vander’s sentimental platitudes. A younger Silco, with less time to crystallize into his new identity… maybe. I think the Best Timeline of S2ep7 (yes, that’s what I’m calling it) sort of implies that Silco got the letter almost immediately, given the state of his wound (and the absence of Shimmer).

I wonder if we are also meant to implicitly understand that his use of Shimmer in the Worst Timeline (a.k.a. Arcane, the Netflix show) had some kind of negative influence on his psyche. After all, Shimmer does seem to impact the emotions of its users; if it did influence Silco’s radicalization, it would make his story doubly tragic. I’ve always found his use of Shimmer an interesting tidbit in S1, and the fact that the show doesn’t explain it very much beyond using it to show the amount of trust between him and Jinx has always been very intriguing to me.

Anyway. I think that, in any case, the letter would have been only the first step in Silco and Vander’s trajectory towards reconciliation. They both have a lot of issues to unpack; I love the headcanon going around that one of Silco’s prerequisites to their “peace treaty” is for Vander to rejoin the political fight for Zaun. It sounds just so… in character for Silco to demand something like that; it acts as both a justification and a shield, preventing him to expose himself too much at the beginning, while ensuring that he and Vander remain close.

I think it was already clear in S1 that they both secretly craved to be close again, especially Silco, given how hard he still tried to convince Vander to work with him in S1ep3. (Which is kind of insane of him, if you think about it, but I guess working closely with the man who tried to murder you — and almost succeeded — kinda fits into his whole “almost dying turned me into an Übermensch” philosophy?) Now, with Vander’s letter in S2, we know for a fact the feeling was mutual. Which is, again, horribly tragic for them both, because they’re both so set in their respective ways that actual reconciliation is made impossible.

And they were miners (oh my God they were miners)

Since we’re already kind of on the topic of whether or not Zaundads is real (or just the fruit of our collective hallucination), let’s give to Caesar wha belongs to Caesar: I don’t think the writers meant for them to turn out that way. Their dialogue doesn’t particularly strike me as hinting to anything beyond a very close friendship.

… The animators, however? Those French fucks (affectionate) knew what they were doing. The imagery of the jackets stored one inside the other cannot be a coincidence. There’s really no other cinematic parallel I can think of that doesn’t ultimately lead back to Brokeback Mountain. They were insane for that, and I’m deeply thankful to their perverted French minds (extremely affectionate) that they had the balls to just… put it there. No further comment. Just a glaring nod to the gayest movie ever.

(Also, Brokeback Mountain’s most iconic quote — “I wish I knew how to quit you” — perfectly applies to Vander and Silco. They just can’t seem to let each other go. Silco is still harping on about Vander years after he died. Vander can’t even bear to mention Silco in S1, and the moment they meet again the first thing he blurts out is “I’m sorry”, right after Silco murdered his friend — RIP king Benzo, you didn’t deserve it — in front of him. They match each other’s freak so well, I tell you.)

And then Silco’s scene in the Best Timeline. Just… the touching. The tenderness. The affection. Benzo going “ack!” at them while they gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes. It’s just… chef’s kiss. No further comment. Is it, perhaps, self indulgent? Yes. Is Silco’s line about forgiveness cheesy and a bit out of left field? Yes. Do I wish Ekko had more time to ask him what he meant by that, and get in on their backstory (since it would have been deeply meaningful for him too, given how much he idolizes Vander)? Yes.

(Someone please write me fanfiction of this scene. I beg you. I would do it myself but I lack the talent.)

Would I also watch 10 seasons of them being gay married and doing the most irrelevant domestic nonsense? Shamelessly. My poor blorbos deserve it.

[tickettride]

It's hard for you, my baby || J.D.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

pairing is johnny davis x f!reader

in which your bad relationship with your mother reaches a peak and it’s nearly impossible to hold it in, until Johnny finds a way to calm you down.

word count: 2,4k

warnings: 18+ (mdni), mentions of alcohol, angst ++, slight violence

AN : ah! prepare yourselves to see this gif approximately ten thousand times in your TL from now on

The sun dipped farther, the sky streaked in pink, and the chatter behind you only grew louder.  

You couldn’t count the number of times you’d woken up to one of the guys passed out on the couch, empty bottles of beer gracing the floor. It had become a habit, one that didn’t upset you so much anymore. Except for that one time. 

The urge to yell at everyone to get out and leave you alone in this big house was strong, but you resisted it, just as you’d just miserably resisted your mother’s threats an hour before. You’d been calm about it until then, waltzing around the room to make sure every man had a beer. A poor excuse to make you think of anything but her fingertips on your cheek.

Now that you were standing uselessly by the window, the anxiety was creeping up and making it harder to breathe. So you cleared your throat awkwardly, pretending to be interested in the colors streaking the sky. 

“We were waitin’ for ya, flower,” Corky nudged you playfully, eyeing the daisy necklace you wore, almost identical to your socks. 

It also matched your flowery pants perfectly, both part of the peaceful persona you were famous for. Though you’d never told the Vandals, you wished you were one of the voices of that peace movement that sometimes put up posters on walls. Sexual revolution, it said. Though you’d stayed there standing in shock the first time, you couldn’t suppress the smile that came upon your lips every time you walked past it now. If the world was changing, you were willing to be a part of it. And it started with wearing flowery clothes that always made Johnny smile, shaking his head at you. 

“Can’t let anyone die of thirst, can I?” you joked nonchalantly, though you refused to meet his eyes. 

Your cautiousness morphed into panic when Corky remained silent for a second and asked what was wrong, catching some other men’s attention. Kathy peered up from her seat too, a concerned line etching her forehead. What could you tell them? That your mother blamed you for each of her misery? That she had grabbed your arm so tightly you could still feel her fingertips on your forearm, stiff as brambles? 

Toying with your necklace, you offered Corky a rueful smile and replied that it had been a long day. That wasn’t a lie, though. 

At the same moment, you met Johnny's eyes, standing in a corner. You briefly wondered why he hadn’t taken off his jacket. He might have been planning to go out for a smoke again, or show someone the renovation work he’d done in the garage. 

His gaze flitted down to your shaky fingers around your necklace, and a crease instantly appeared between his brows. He knew something was wrong. 

With your mother’s words in mind, fear ran like ice through your veins. There were too many people everywhere, their voices muffled as though underwater, and your thumb numbed from gripping the pendant so tight, now sizzling against your clammy skin. They were all crushing you, deafening you. 

“Sorry,” you mumbled to no one in particular, crossing the room in large steps. 

All you could think about was being alone. In complete silence. So you strode upstairs and burst through the bedroom, gasping for breath and rushing to open the window. The wind whipped your face hard as you leaned over, like another slap. You could still hear your frantic heartbeat thrumming in your ears, but at least no one asked you questions here.

“The fuck you’re doin’?” Johnny’s high voice made you jump backward, a hand resting on the windowsill. 

For better and for worse, they’d said. You trusted Johnny to take care of the worst. 

“What?”

“What the fuck you’re doin’, leanin’ over the window?”

Johnny came closer to shut the window with more strength than necessary and turned back to you. You were already sinking on the bed, bending forward from all the pressure on your back. Though now, your hands couldn’t stop shaking. You stared at them in shock, your breathing echoing in the room. It was mad, the influence she had on you.

“Oh, God,” you creaked out, entranced by the fear that had spread through your veins. 

Johnny said your name a couple of times, but he sounded so far. You tilted your head from side to side, searching for an escape to this despair that clawed at you. I’ll die because of you. The only thing you’ve accomplished is gettin’ married; don’t get used to it. 

“Look at me,” Johnny’s voice cut through the haze, clutching your hands between his big palms, tearing into your thoughts. “C’mon now, look at me. What’s goin’ on?”

Through an avalanche of heavy tears, your chest heaving, all you could do was shake your head. It was too hard to utter the words. It wasn’t fair to share your pain with him when he’d looked so serene just a minute before. 

Leant to your level, Johnny scrutinized your expression. Then, like on the rare occasions you cried, he went to sit beside you and pulled you into his arms. It was never so intense, usually. You were woozy with exhaustion and dread, convinced that it would never get better. Your mother would find you again, and she’d make you feel even worse. Again and again. 

Choking out into a rough cough, you felt yourself shaking even more at the realisation that you couldn’t breathe anymore. She was going to kill you. 

“Hey, hey,” Johnny stroked your hair out of your face. “You’re all right. Not gonna let anythin’ happen to you, you hear me?”

Your grip on his jacket tightened. It was nearly impossible to calm down when you could still hear her voice so clearly, telling you how worthless you were. It was engraved in your brain like the moment you’d first kissed your man, and the moment he’d asked for your hand. On the same level. And it hurt like hell.

You wanted to bang your head against the wall so hard it’d make the words vanish.

“Breathe. Take deep breaths.”

“She slapped me.”

The weight of what you’d just said made Johnny freeze for a long moment. 

“What’d you say?”

“Rita. I bumped into her at the grocery store and—and I couldn’t avoid her.”

“Fucking Christ,” Johnny muttered, holding you a bit tighter and stroking your hair. “What’d she do to you?”

The relief of having him so close to you allowed you to speak more freely. How much longer could you have looked out the window to the raging fire outside and convinced yourself it was a beautiful day?

“I tried to be tough, you see, and I told her we got married. And she—she started yelling. I was so ashamed, Johnny. I told her to lower her voice, and she slapped me. Right there, in the middle of everyone.”

“That fuckin’ hag,” you heard him grumble, tightening his hold on you. 

“She makes me feel so fucking low.”

“You’re tough, yeah? You’re a tough one,” Johnny whispered in your ear, resting the back of his fingers against your cheek. “Don’t know anyone else who’d do half the things you do. She’s mad she didn’t get to live the life you’re livin’. That’s on her.”

Hot tears went on spilling down your face despite his words. You heaved a sigh, forcing some air into your lungs, although it felt stuck somewhere down there. You wished you had some response to that, maybe a word in agreement, but it would have sounded fake.

“I’m so hot,” you choked on another sob, pulling away from that big man who’d doubtlessly confront that monster of a woman on your behalf. 

Johnny swallowed another curse when he got up, crossing the room to get tissues before you could even ask. And he watched you blow your nose, tossing the tissues on the floor. He obviously wasn’t sure what to do, standing there awkwardly. You didn’t either. So you stared up at him, hoping a solution would spring from his eyes somehow, and feeling strangely that she’d taken more with her than you knew how to explain.

After some time, maybe seconds or minutes, Johnny sat beside you and tapped his thigh gently, beckoning you to sit on his lap. 

“Come here.”

You did. 

“Take off your shirt. I’ll take mine off.”

Exhausted from holding back these feelings and letting them all out at the same time, you didn’t ask what he was on about and peeled off your shirt. Your eyes stung, but you folded it neatly before placing it on top of his jacket, on the covers. He wiped your forehead with his white tee, adding it to the pile, crumpling yours in the process.

You had no time to be confused or protest, though. 

“Come here,” he said again. “Give your old man a hug.”

At that, your expression tightened, brimming with the promise of tears. He pulled you in for a hug, the light layer of stubble covering his chin coming down against your temple. Kissing it. 

“There you go,” you heard him mutter, his big palm coming to rub your back in soothing motions despite the clammy sweat clinging to your skin. 

Nothing had ever felt so peaceful—well, except for the awkward sob that escaped you. But you were fine. You were safe. And you had the most loving husband you could have hoped for. Slowly, your sobs softened, and you started rubbing his back too. You hadn’t expected such a sense of calm from simply being close to him, feeling his skin against yours.

Not even the knock on the door made you move. You both remained glued to each other, and Johnny didn’t seem to mind receiving some of the weight of your pain. For better and for worse. 

“Who’s in there?” the man behind the door shouted, and you were certainly grateful that Johnny had thought of locking the door while you weren’t looking. 

“Ignore ‘em,” he mumbled.

And once again, you did as told. 

Johnny squeezed you in a bear hug for so long that you nearly fell asleep right there–which, you thought, he wouldn’t have minded–with your arms around his middle and your legs as numb as your mind. You hung into him while the world underneath celebrated something you realised you still had no idea about, light-headed but definitely better. Or, at least, hopeful. 

A soft kiss brushed the space between your breasts, full of warmth and unconditional love. Another was placed underneath your necklace. 

"I forgot to wear a bra this morning," you squeaked, your words dissolving into an embarrassed chuckle.

“I see that, yeah,” the corners of his mouth curved into a smile.". “Can’t complain about that, can I?”

He cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing the tears beneath your wet lashes.

“I wish I’d done more than just stand there, but—I don’t know, I just froze and wished she’d disappear. It was awful.”

“You've done your best. She’d gotten mad no matter what.”

You gave a small nod, not so convinced. Reaching for another tissue next to the pile of clothes, you blew your nose.

“What if she’s there again next time I go?”

“You’ll defend yourself,” Johnny deadpanned, grabbing your arm to see your muscles. “See? You’re stronger than me.”

A chuckle slipped past your lips as you threw the tissue aside. “You’ll teach me the basics.”

“Yeah. I will.”

He looked so sincere that the corners of your mouth turned up on their own, a natural reaction to his face. You were glad he was there, talking to you. Grounding you.

There was no hesitation in his voice when he told you to come closer again, just like there had been no hesitation when he’d decorated the room better after you moved in, just wanting to make it nice and safe for you. Despite telling him a thousand times, Johnny didn’t really get that the thing that made you feel so safe was his presence, not the room itself. 

“I don’t know why shit keeps happening to me,” you sniffled, your lips against his collarbone. “I’m nice to everyone. I’ve never fought. Never misspoke.”

“It’s not you,” Johnny replied, his voice low, reassuring. “The people—don’t let them get at you, yeah? Your kindness is one of the reasons I love you, flower.”

You hummed in response, letting his words linger.

“Show ‘em who’s the boss,” he rubbed a hand up and down your back. “Show her you’re stronger than that.”

Pulling back, you tried to return his smile around the tears stinging the backs of your eyes and kissed him gently. It was hard to explain—as hard as it would be to face your mother the next time she showed up in town—but there was a calmness in your mind he had undoubtedly made happen. The music was loud, and a glass broke downstairs, which should have made you scream, but nothing really mattered anymore.

Resting your hand lightly on his arm, your thumb tracked slowly back and forth over the sensitive crook of his elbow, sending his pulse skittering against your chest. 

The three words left your mouth almost on their own when you met his gaze. 

“I love you too,” he promised, kissing you sweetly. “And I’m proud of you, right? I’m proud of you.”

It was all you needed to hear to smile again, to ease the pain. You carried those words with you when you stepped into the store a week later and, thankfully, she wasn’t there. She wasn’t there the next few times either, and each time, it got a little easier. You liked to think it was because of Johnny, but really, you were just a tough one.