#but the film looks really interesting… i hope it gets released in the uk soon

[jasonisaacs]

this is the same character which means jason will be dressed up young/old in this film omggg i love him already

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Huge Davies’ stand-up special The Carpark was released yesterday, I just watched it, and holy hell, did I ever enjoy it. I enjoyed it even more than I’d expected. I like Huge Davies, I’ve liked him for a long time. I’ve seen bits of him on panel shows and things, and I’ve heard his songs on The Now Show. I’ve seen his stand-up clips on YouTube.

I liked him enough to have sought out that really short sitcom thing he did last year on Channel 4, The Artists, which was enjoyable. Not incredibly good, but enjoyable. I also watched his ten-minute musical stand-up thing on NextUp, and felt the same way about that. It was good. I was funny. It wasn’t the best thing I’d ever seen or anything. But it was better than plenty of other stand-up clips I’d watched as a way to follow up on something I’d seen on a panel show.

Okay, to be very honest, the main thing that caught my attention about Huge Davies is he was by far the best thing about the worst show I’ve ever enjoyed, which is Roast Batte UK. Absolutely terrible show, the guiltiest of my guilty pleasures, its battles ranged from “This is so fucking bad that even if I’m drunk and just looking for something stupid to watch, I still can’t enjoy it”, to “…I’m not proud of this but this one’s entertaining enough so if I’m drunk and looking for something stupid, I’ll actually quite enjoy it.” On a sliding scale from the first of those things to the second one, Huge Davies’ roast battle with comedian Ed Night was probably the furthest on the good side. I don’t even think I can explain why, I don’t think it was objectively anything special, I just really enjoyed it. So much that I’ve been sort of rooting for both Huge Davies and Ed Night like they’re sports teams, hoping their careers go well enough so I can see them on TV more often. So far, that seems to be going better for one of them than for the other (the one for whom it's going better is the one who just released his first full-length filmed stand-up special). I’d love to say I developed most of my interest in Huge Davies from the intelligent Oxbridge Radio 4 political comedy The Now Show, but actually, it was mainly Roast Battle.

So as part of that, I’d watched his other stuff, knew I liked him, thought he’d make a fantastic addition to a Taskmaster lineup someday as the “up-and-coming stand-up who’s not incredibly well known to a wider audience but will be soon”, wanted to see more stuff by him. When he released a special, I watched it and expected to like it. I did not expect to like it as much as I did.

I think it’s one of my favourite stand-up specials I’ve seen this year. Not my absolute favourite or anything, but it’s up there. It made me laugh out loud repeatedly. Properly laughing, which a lot of stand-up specials, even decent ones, don’t really do because we don’t laugh out loud easily when we’re watching something on our own. It was really funny. He’s so much better than he seems when you hear one of his songs at a time on a panel show or something. They all go together and fit into this larger thing and it’s amazingly funny. They weren’t meant to be chopped up for playing out of context.

When I actually look at it, the vast majority of the substance just came from talking shit about various types of music. But he did it so well. And he wrapped it around a proper structure with a narrative and callbacks and a strong finale, which I always like in a stand-up show. I like it so much that if it’s done well, it’ll go a little ways toward making me forgive a show for not making me laugh as hard. But this one made me laugh and had a cool structure.

I guess the structure is nothing that hasn’t been done before, and most of it was fairly predictable. “Pretend there’s something specific this show will be about and you’re going to talk about it any second, but spend so much time on the preamble and/or things going wrong that you never get to the promised thing” is such a common schtick that I should be tired of it by now, really. It’s not a surprise anymore. But I still enjoyed it. The joke where he pretends to be from every Asian country also got predictable (spoiler alert, I guess), but I also still liked it. I also happen to be a really big fan of the deadpan style, which he of course employed throughout. What I mean is that it’s possible that its objective merits might not quite live up to how much it subjectively appealed to me, but I liked it so much. Annoyed, deadpan man standing there with his David O’Doherty keyboard and complaining about music, affecting the air of someone who’s above such bullshit, but then pulling it all together in classic stand-up structure.

There were a few points where I saw little flashes of what I see from nearly every comedian who’s younger than James Acaster, which is that they talk a bit like James Acaster. But only a little bit, and it’s possible that at this point, I’m imagining that sometimes. It’s possible that James Acaster just does a really exaggerated version of a “stand-up voice”, so if anyone else does a stand-up voice, it sounds like they’ve gone a bit James Acaster, when in fact, that’s just how stand-ups talk. He also berated the audience for being a terrible audience a lot, but I’m not going to accuse him of copying Stewart Lee, because some ideas are too broad for any one comedian to get a patent on them. James Acaster’s voice might be similar.

I don’t actually know how old Huge Davies is, but I’m quite sure he’s younger than James Acaster, and I think he’s younger than me. Which is good, now that this special has moved him from a comedian I like to a comedian I really like. Because I sometimes think I’m a bit biased against younger comedians (and I define younger as… anyone who’s not three or more years older than me), so there’s a mark toward disproving that bias. Probably. Unless it turns out Huge Davies is older than I think.

I think I’ve managed to spend too much of this post downplaying the merits of a stand-up show that I do, in fact, highly recommend. It’s good stuff. It’s good stuff if you want deadpan and structure and offbeat creative jokes and observations about music genres and a David O’Doherty keyboard.

[safflowerseason]

Hope you feel better soon. Have you been able to see the third series of Derry Girls yet? If so, what are your thoughts?

Hi Anon - thanks so much for your ask. I am finally rounding the bend of what was a pretty horrible bug! (Not COVID-19, thankfully, but after two years of social distancing/mask-wearing it's clear I have no more antibodies to more average colds/respiratory infections...)

I haven't finished the final Derry Girls series yet because I've been traveling out of the UK this month (which has made getting over being sick even more of an exhausting process 😵‍💫), but I was able to catch the first three episodes. Thanks to Tumblr and forgetting to put up a spoiler filter, I have been spoiled on one major-if-expected plot development, but otherwise I have very little sense of what the final three episodes are about and am looking forward to catching up! I thought the first three episodes were very entertaining, if a bit...hyperactive in tone, which I attribute to the pandemic. A side-note, but I'm really interested in how the pandemic has shaped both the production and reception of television. I feel like the reaction to so much high-profile tv filmed and released during the pandemic--S2 of Ted Lasso, S3 of Succession, the final season of Insecure, Bridgerton S2, I'm sure I'm forgetting others--was very much impacted by the pandemic and how it shaped our emotional needs and expectations as viewers, while at the same time the pandemic had very real, concrete implications for how these seasons of televisions were written and filmed. Anyway, loved the first three episodes of Derry Girls and can't believe I only have three left 😭

[gaiapaia]

Kermit and Friends: Fun

“It takes a lot of bravery to look around and see the World not as it is, but as it should be. A World where Trumpster Bob gets to be Larry King, where Corey gets to be the most popular guy in high school, where Wendy gets to be the Prom Queen, and where I get to date Paris and Brad. You can be whoever you want to be. That is what Kermit and Friends is all about.” - Elisa Jordana.

Kermit and Friends had a jam packed line-up this week featuring a children’s musician, a life coach, and an actor/filmmaker who often collaborates with Reverend Andy Dick. Let’s talk about it.

Elisa opened the show with a beautiful little monologue explaining how she’s only doing things in the spirit of her beloved precious dog, Kermit. After introducing her co-host Sugar, Elisa brought on her financial adviser Kevin Cao for advice on all the stock market hoopla from this past week. Unfortunately Kevin didn’t have much to offer in terms of stock suggestions, but I’m sure next week he’ll have plenty of hot information to share with Elisa.

Barry Boss called in for the first time in about a month to update us that he’s being released from the mental hospital very soon and that he will be joining Kermit and Friends live in the near future. Yay!!!

After hanging up on Barry, Elisa pulled up the Larry King of our beautiful Kermit and Friends World, Trumpster Bob, who had these three fascinating questions to ask Elisa...

What are you looking for in your next partner?

Are you flat-footed?

Do your boobs remain stiff or bounce around a lot when you’re riding a guy?

After eloquently answering Bob’s questions, Elisa was ready to bring on her first guest of the day, Snooknuk!

Elisa would accidently bring on Snooknuk’s partner E-Bot first, a robot puppet. After exchanging pleasantries and Elisa realizing the mistake she made, the actual Snooknuk graced us with her lovely presence.

Snooknuk is a children’s musician who writes, produces, and creates songs/videos catered towards children. Her most popular video, You Made a Potty, has over 1.5 millions views on Youtube!

Elisa asked Snooknuk all about creating music, how she came up with her name, the relationship with her robot puppet, Snooknuk’s connection to children, etc. The interview was short and sweet but Snooknuk and her E-Bot were very much in the spirit of Kermit, and I hope they will bless the show with another appearance sooner than later. I would absolutely love to learn more about them.

The next guest was Bran Kohn, a ‘Life Coach’ with many accomplishments to his name like 2 Grammy Awards, multi-platinum records, published poems, stuntman credits, British martial arts medals, and tons of other things that would take me all day to type. Very, very impressive résumé, I must say.

Elisa mostly talked to Brad about his Life Coaching theories. Brad was kind enough to share his personal insights to the KAF audience about what it takes to be successful. He went on further to talk about the benefits of meditation, the personal relationships he develops as a life coach, how he has more women than men as clients, and the length it usually takes for his methods to work. Elisa also received some extremely sexual phone calls about Brad during her interview with him from both women and men, which seems to be the norm now whenever someone attractive attends the Kermitarian Church.

I liked Brad. Nice guy, seems sincere. He needs to work on his camera angle as Elisa suggested, but for the most part he seems like he could be a valuable member of the Kermit and Friends Universe if he decides to stick around like I hope he does.

Following Brad, we got three more hard-hitting questions from Trumpster Bob...

Do you ever want to get married to just one guy?

What attracts you to gay men?

Are you open to doing a pornography video where you’re the boss and your sex partner is the slave?

Next up is Paris Dylan!

Paris has collaborated with Andy Dick for many years. They were once roommates and seem like the best of friends. Their newest project is none other than Tiger Dick, a parody of the hit Netflix documentary series Tiger King.

Elisa had lots of questions for Paris regarding Andy and their friendship. She dove into that and even shared a funny video of Andy and Paris cosplaying as Ariel and the Crab from The Little Mermaid.

Besides Andy talk, Elisa also asked Paris about his many other ventures, such as his punk pop band We Tried and his other work in the film industry. What separated Paris from most big guests on KAF is that he actually paid attention to the Youtube chatroom, engaging with both fans and trolls alike.

Paris sincerely gave a fun-spirited interview and seems like an awesome guy. He’s someone I can see really ingraining himself into KAF long-term. His work with Andy is terrific so it would be an absolute blast to see him bring that chemistry to Kermit and Friends on a regular basis.

Kermit also made another great friend yesterday by a gentleman named Dave Robinson. Dave is from the UK and found KAF after becoming curious about what happened to Elisa following her departure from The Howard Stern Show. Dave played two great original songs for us and seems to be very interested into becoming a recurring performer on the show. So a big shout out to Dave, who brilliantly summed up Kermit and Friends as an adult version of Sesame Street that’s looking to bring happiness and laughter to the World. That’s exactly what KAF is.

Laurie has officially become the chef of Kermit and Friends. Elisa debuted Laurie’s latest cooking video where she taught everyone how to properly prepare a nice Honey Mustard Chicken dinner. You can follow Laurie’s new Youtube channel Kermitarian Cooking by clicking here. Good job, Laurie!

Trumpster Bob once again came flying in with even more questions for Elisa...

What did you like most about working with Howard Stern?

Has Marci Turk ruined Howard Stern?

After answering those two questions, Elisa promoted the Kermit and Friends Wrap-Up Show with Corey and then gave a wonderful speech about what Kermit and Friends is all about (which I partially shared at the beginning of this review) to end the show.

Fun was a fantastic episode from start to finish, filled with great guests and colorful bits that made everyone laugh and enjoy themselves. If you have yet to watch it, I highly recommend that you do so asap.

[go-events]

GO Rom Com Spotlight: @heavens-bookshop

The enchanting @heavens-bookshop has claimed How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days to adapt for Good Omens in the Good Omens Rom Com Event.

For reference, here’s a little background about the source material!

About How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: An advice columnist, Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson), tries pushing the boundaries of what she can write about in her new piece about how to get a man to leave you in 10 days. Her editor, Lana (Bebe Neuwirth), loves it, and Andie goes off to find a man she can use for the experiment. Enter executive Ben Berry (Matthew McConaughey), who is so confident in his romantic prowess that he thinks he can make any woman fall in love with him in 10 days. When Andie and Ben meet, their plans backfire.

We spent some time chatting about how the adaptation is coming so far, as well as future plans for it! Now, get to know @heavens-bookshop a little better!

* * *

goromcom: You know how if you open a Tumblr chat with someone you haven't chatted to before, Tumblr tells you two things they post about? I wanted to tell you that yours reports that you post "about #yes and #oh my god." I think those are actually lovely tags, and they show that you are frequently quite excited and supportive of the things you reblog and post! :)

heavens-bookshop: Hah, that's hilarious! I suppose that's understandable seeing as this is a blog I made just for Good Omens stuff! Anything I post or reblog here is content that I utterly enjoyed engaging with and want others in the fandom to see.

goromcom: That’s really great; I love the positivity.

You chose to adapt How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days as your rom com. Has this movie been a favorite of yours, or is there some other reason you chose it?

heavens-bookshop: It's not really a favourite, although I do have some fun memories attached to it, I guess! I went to see it at the cinema when it was released, I was in high school and I went with a few of my friends. The film was okay, but I had much more fun afterwards just hanging out with everyone! I picked it out from the list because I felt like the main concept was one that lent itself pretty nicely to a Good Omens AU, where your two main characters have opposing goals (but develop feelings for each other along the way...)

goromcom: Definitely can see the parallel there, and also, I think the movies we see with friends in high school stick with us in a way movies you see later on just never will.

What's your favorite moment of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and are you looking forward to presenting it in your adaptation? Any loose plans for that scene that you can share?

heavens-bookshop: Well, there's a scene towards the end when the two main characters are heading out to a fancy event, and Ben arrives at Andie's place to escort her to it. When she walks out of her building, she's in a really beautiful outfit and it takes Ben's breath away. I am really hoping to have a similar moment in my story, with Aziraphale playing Andie's part, and Crowley playing Ben's part. I've worked it over a few times in my head, but we'll see what happens when I get down to writing it!

goromcom: Sounds quite exciting!

Other than recreating that moment,  do you plan to stick very closely to the story beats of the original movie, or make bigger changes?

heavens-bookshop: I plan on making a lot of changes. The overall premise is a fun place to start from, but when I re-watched the movie a few weeks ago, I got some pretty severe whiplash from how badly it's aged (I think this is something to be said for a lot of media in the genre). Much of the story revolves around the whole "Men vs Women" thing, and involves some awful misogynistic and homophobic tropes that I am very much throwing in the bin. So we're ditching the "haha aren't women clingy" narrative in favour of playing up Aziraphale being the standoffish fussy bastard we all know and love.

goromcom: It’s definitely been a recurring theme among the participants that their source material really hasn’t aged well! It’s a testament to the GO fandom, I think, and the lovely people taking part in goromcom, that everyone is seeking to smooth out the rough edges of the source material.

What's an interesting decision you've made in your planning so far--a notable casting decision, a changing of venue, or some other plan you have to paint Good Omens all over your rom com?

heavens-bookshop: Well, for starters, I updated some of the concepts - instead of working for a magazine, Aziraphale works at a Buzzfeed-esque website called Paradise where he writes an advice column. Crowley still works for an ad agency, but instead of trying to win a deal with a diamond company (which was very tied to a lot of outdated views on the roles of men and women in relationships), it's a dating app. I've also changed the location to London, mostly because I'm way more familiar with it as a place. I also wanted to include a few more of the women in Good Omens, so Aziraphale's two work BFFs are Anathema (who writes horoscopes) and Madame Tracy (who writes for the spirituality section).

goromcom: Okay, be right back while I go write in for advice from Aziraphale.

But after that, our last question, one I am blatantly stealing from The Good Place: The Podcast. Tell me something "good". It can be something big or small. It can be a charity you think is doing good work, or you can talk about how great your pet is.

heavens-bookshop: I would like to mention two UK-based charities that have had a special place in my heart for many years - Macmillan Cancer Support and Marie Curie. When I was a teen, my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and we pretty much provided all her end-of-life care at home. Macmillan and Marie Curie gave us a lot of the resources we needed to do that. Macmillan was a wonderful support system for my mum, and not only looked after her medical needs but also sent someone she could talk to about the emotional ordeal of facing a terminal illness. Marie Curie sent a registered nurse to stay with my mum through the night in her final weeks so that we could try to get some sleep while secure in the knowledge that she was being looked after and had someone by her side. They both provided us with some peace of mind during an incredibly rough time, and I will be forever grateful for all the work they do in supporting the families of people with terminal illness. If you're in the UK, I'd really recommend donating to either of these charities if you ever have the chance.

And so that I'm not just ending on a sad note, I will also tell you about my wonderful cat, Luna. I adopted her shortly after I moved to Texas in 2016 - I had moved all the way from the UK, on my own, and Luna kept me company on those days when I felt alone and completely out of my depth. She's followed me everywhere I've been since, even coming with me when I moved to Canada a couple of years ago (yes I moved a Texan cat to Canada in the middle of February). She is weird, very loud and talkative, has an ongoing vendetta against my running shoes, and I love her to bits.

goromcom: I had a hospice support team for my father’s end of life process, and I will love all of those people until the day I die. I am so glad your family had that sort of support as well. I’m so sorry about your mum.

It’s so wonderful of you to come back around, too, and mention how uplifting having your pet has been for you. I am so happy you have Luna by your side. I also have a talkative cat (with a space-themed name, as well, Nova) and so many days that would be bad are better with a little furry friend with you.

Keep watching for @heavens-bookshop‘s thoughtful GO retelling of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Coming soon!

[doomedandstoned]

Doom in a Time of Corona: Konvent Speaks From The Lockdown

~By Shawn Gibson!~

Hello, Ladies! Nice to catch up with you again. Thank you for your time. How is everyone?

Hi, Shawn! Great to talk to you again. Everyone is absolutely fine, but as you may know this is a pretty weird time with the COVID-19 situation going on. But we’re all safe and happy at the moment and we really feel like that's the most important thing right now.

How are you dealing with novel coronavirus and what are you doing to stay busy in this down time? Any writing or recording?

It's no secret that it's a boring time for everyone. We are so used to meeting a lot in the band and going to concerts, etcetera, but right now we can’t do that. So we actually watch a lot of Netflix, HBO, and get early to bed -- like true rockstars. (laughs)

We have no recording right now. It is also almost only three months since we released our album, so we took the time to breathe out after a stressful period of album release, tour, etcetera, but we are currently focusing on writing new material for our next album. Sara and Heidi have been doing some new riffs and we’re working at our own place with the new material. It feels like the perfect timing to start experimenting with different things musically. It is also important for us that we have time to immerse ourselves and retain the joy of creation.

I hate that this virus has affected everyone from musicians, fans, venue owners, festival promoters, labels, and so on. Tell me about some of these kick ass festivals Konvent was supposed to play? Will they be rescheduled? Who was on the line up?

Yes, we really hate it too. But we were incredibly lucky because the lockdown happened only a week after we finished the last show on our release tour. So when our government announced the lockdown here of all schools, universities and jobs, we’ve just stayed home and worked from our apartments and have not met since, to follow the regulations and stay safe.

It’s no secret that the virus will have some consequences according to cancellations of the summer festivals. Some of them have already been announced and some of them not, so we’ll keep you guys updated about it. We had been looking so much forward to playing at the festivals this summer, but of course we hope to be booked for 2021.

Generally, we feel very lucky with some of the offers we have been given and this really gives us the courage to keep on going and make it even bigger for 2021!

Film by Black Label Pictures

Konvent has been very busy! Your newest album 'Puritan Masochism' (2020) is excellent. I have heard nothing but praise for this album. What has Konvent been up to since we last had a chat?

Thank you so much. It makes us so happy to hear people saying that they like the album. When we signed the deal in 2018, we only had a few finished tracks, so we were far away from going into the studio. Since we had quite many concerts in 2018, we didn’t have a lot of time to work on the album. So half of the record was made in the beginning of 2019 and some tracks were even made one day before going into the studio with Lasse Skov at Ballade Studios in Copenhagen. Napalm knew this and we agreed with them to have the album out either in late 2019 or 2020, so they were very patient and weren't rushing us in any way.

Going on the Puritan Masochism tour has also been amazing! This was our very first headliner tour and we got to go to Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Germany, and the UK. We have met so many cool people and we really love to go to places we’ve never been before. We have really been blown away by how many people who want an interview and how incredible people have been when it comes to buying our merchandise and album. We have gained more confidence as individuals, but also as a band.

We also experienced all the things that could go wrong on a tour. (laughs) The support band cancels, the car broke down, the guitar and drum broke on stage, but we somehow managed to defeat all these challenges and we couldn’t think of a better experience than we had on the tour.

How was the recording process for 'Puritan Masochism'?

We really wanted that raw, gritty sound, as if the music is coming from the abyss! And that’s why we chose to work with Lasse Ballade because he had made a bunch of cool records that we really admired. Lasse Ballade has a studio in the center of Copenhagen and we got together for 14 days and recorded the whole album live. I (Sara) think we have allowed ourselves to be more creative with playing with different riffs and rhythms this time.

When we recorded the demo we weren’t as relaxed with our instruments as we are now. It comes more naturally and we’re only getting better at experimenting with new stuff.

Our producer Lasse Ballade used a lot of time together with Sara and Heidi on finding the right sound for the guitar and bass and it was his idea to record some of the drums in his basement, to give it a more deep and kinda creepy basement sound. So he was definitely the one who really helped us find our sound, and we couldn’t be happier!

How is it being signed to Napalm Records?

We love working together with Napalm Records and they are very professional. We have come a long way since we signed the deal and Napalm plays a big role in order to make most of our dreams possible so far. We couldn’t think of any better label for us right now.

We would really like to go on bigger tours and play more festivals, as long as it can work out financially. And we are steadily getting more offers, so that’s really exciting! Our booker Thorsten from Napalm Events is handling all our offers, but we often get messages directly from bookers who want to put on a show with us and then we just direct it to him.

We are already so happy with what’s happening for us at the moment and we just try to enjoy it as much as we can and not put too much pressure on ourselves.

What are some death/doom bands that have inspired Konvent?

Almost all of our dads raised us on Black Sabbath. When Julie was little, she and her dad also listened to Kiss and led Zeppelin a lot. When Sara first learned the guitar as a teenager, her biggest influence was Nirvana. Heidi was a big fan of The Darkness in her teens. In Rikke’s early high school years she was listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers a lot, but then she discovered Rammstein and became a huge fan.

As we got older, our taste in music developed and we got more and more interested in metal genres like death, black, thrash, tech, hardcore, slam, and also punk. We still listen to a lot of different bands, but we all like bands such as Yob, Mantar, Candlemass, and Paradise Lost.

Konvent is one of the heaviest death/doom bands I know! The vocals still kick my ass, Rikki! Some guys can't sound like that!

That’s a huge compliment. (laughs) Thanks!

I'm very proud to have bought the CD and t-shirt bundle for 'Puritan Masochism.' I hope Konvent has great success with the album and merch sales.

Thank you so much for buying it. We really appreciate people supporting us. We have been really overwhelmed by how many people are supporting us with buying our merchandise.

Tell me about signing with Barsk Management Agency.

Our new manager Esben, who just started Bask Management, is a friend of the band and has earlier been the lead singer of Hatesphere for the past decade, where he's gathered invaluable knowledge about the music business and the metal scene, especially.

We realized a few months ago that we needed someone to help us with the practical stuff and tour management, in general. We are actually not a super structured band and we often forget things when we go on tour. (laughs) Esben contacted us a few months ago and we had a few meetings and agreed that we would like to start a corporation about management. We couldn’t be happier about this decision. It has really removed burdens from us according to the practical stuff so we’re are able to focus on the most important thing: music!

What are your plans for Konvent when this pandemic is over? Live shows and re-scheduled festivals?

We had some festivals and shows which were cancelled, but we have already been rescheduled to 2021 for some of them -- and we are really happy about that. We know that some bands are suffering a lot more than us so we just try to be happy over the fact that we got to release the album and finish the tour before the pandemic. But we have HRH Vikings Chapter III in the UK this Autumn, which will be our first time playing at a viking festival. (laughs) But we have a pretty crazy announcement very soon and we can’t say anymore at the moment, but we are pretty stoked about it. We’ll keep you updated.

What is in the future for Konvent?

We are already so happy with what’s happening for us at the moment and we just try to enjoy it as much as we can and not put too much pressure on ourselves. We have pushed ourselves out of our comfort zones many times now and that in itself is something to be proud of. Looking back, we feel like we have accomplished much more than what we could have hoped for, for example getting a record deal, playing at Copenhell -- Denmark’s biggest metal festival -- in front of 4,000 people, and playing Roskilde Festival, which is the biggest festival in Northern Europe!

At the moment, we are just really blown away by all the positive feedback on our debut album. But, of course, we still dream big! We hope to visit more countries around Europe and we would love to go overseas, as well -- the US, Canada, South America, Australia, you name it! But our biggest dream is to play at 70,000 Tons of Metal. (laughs)

Thank you for your time. I hope you all and your families are well during this tough period.

Thank you so much. Hopefully we’ll see you in the crowd someday!

Puritan Masochism by Konvent

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[leahpuckermxn]

Marvel Marathon || Gabrileah

Tagging: @gabriellaxdias and @leahpuckermxn

Location: Leah and Anthony’s Apartment

Date: 25/05/2020

Summary: Gabriella comes to visit Leah while she is off sick due to her last asthma attack, and the two begin to bond.

Warnings: No judging us for taking almost three months to finish this. The group moved locations twice since starting this and I can’t be bothered to edit the names. Also, my UK English.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Despite her tendency to keep people at arms length, guests were a fairly common thing for Leah. She liked having people around, as long as nothing was too deep. Leah got into the habit of keeping everything personal; bills, medication, family photographs, among other things, out of sight. She was sure that everything was put away, but that didn’t stop her from double checking once she invited Gabriella over for a movie marathon. She wasn’t even sure why she hid those things; it’s not like anyone would care enough to read that stuff. Maybe it was just an instinct she picked up throughout the years of being smothered by her mother over her asthma, which she appreciated when she was actually struggling with it, but her mother certainly knew how to overdo it. Once she was happy that everything was put away, Leah gave the apartment a quick tidy. Guitars on stands, cushions straight, trinkets organised. She wasn’t expecting Gabriella to take long, so she kept an ear out for the buzzer.

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella was excited to get to have a movie night with Leah. After the break up with her boyfriend she knew it was time for her to go out and spend time with people. Start making more plans apart from some things with a few close friends. It was important for her to do what she planned to do when she came to Doveport, to live her life. And that is exactly what she was going to do. Gabriella brought some extra snacks for them, it felt only fair for Leah being so kind to invite her over. She was always good company whenever they hung out. Which honestly wasn’t enough. When she arrived she rang the doorbell, smiling once the door opened. “Leah! Hi, it is great to see you.”

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah managed to tidy the apartment just in time. It helped that Jovi was sleeping, and not following her around chewing up everything she put back into place. She just finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher when she heard the doorbell. Once she heard the bell, she made her way to the door and pulled it open. “Hey, Gab! Come in.” She said, stepping aside.

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella smiled as she stepped in, "Thank you again for inviting me, I even came with snacks. I picked a variety since I wasn't sure of your favorites."  She offered, glancing around for a moment before looking back at Leah. Glad that they were getting to spend more time together. Not only had she always enjoyed spending time with her, but she had always admired her and her confidence. "Really though, I'm excited. I can't tell you the last time I really got to marathon Marvel movies."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Of course! A bit of company never hurts.” She said, with a smile, taking the snacks. Leah’s apartment was incredibly small, but it had a small balcony and basement storage space that she could put her motorbike in during the winter, which was the two most important things to her. “Why don’t you sit down while I set the Roku up.” She added, nodding to the sofa.

GABRIELLA DIAS

She handed over the snacks, hoping she made some good choices. Making good impressions and little things like that were always important to her. Gabriella nodded moved over to the couch and sat down, making herself comfortable. "So what do you think we should start with? I have seen everywhere that there is a certain order they should be watched in. Personally I always just watch my favorites or the new ones when they come out."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah set the snacks down on the coffee table, before sitting herself down on it and taking the main remote to turn the TV on. “Well, we could watch them in release order or chronological order.” Leah said, turning the TV on. “Those are the two most common orders. Release order starts with Iron Man and chronological order starts with Captain America.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella hummed as she thought for a moment. "Lets do chronological order, I always like it when things can tell a story." She got herself comfortable on the couch, leaning back slightly before crossing her legs. "I've seen them in the order as they come out but I am sure it is a lot more interesting this way. Do you have a preference?"

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Nah, I don’t have any.” She said, setting down the TV remote and picking up the Roku remote as soon as she finished adjusting the AV settings.  “Chronological it is.” She then made her way to Disney+ to find Captain America. It wasn’t too hard, though, since her recommendations was chocked full of Marvel and X-Men, alongside Star Wars and the more sci-fi based Disney and Pixar films. “How shocked would you be if I told you Mulan was my favourite Disney princess?” She said, jokingly.

GABRIELLA DIAS

As Leah went through the recommendations. Realizing how many more movies she really needed to sit and watch. With her busy schedule it was hard to really get into anything. When Leah spoke, she looked over with a smile. “I think it would make sense. Badass, confident, I think it fits.” Gabriella complimented with a smile. “Mine would have to be Jasmine, I loved how strong and independent she was.” It took awhile as a kid for her to really find a favorite. She remembered thinking it was a very important moment in her life to pick a favorite princess. Just the memory of it made her smile grow.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah smiled at Gabriella’s compliment, before finally selecting Captain America and and sitting herself down next to her. “That makes sense for you, too.” Leah remarked. “Pretty but refuses to be held back.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella's smile couldn't help but grow, "Well you certainly make it sound so much better when you put it like that." It was easy for her to give out compliments but hearing them was something she was getting use to all over again. "How about Marvel characters? Who do you see yourself as? Or who was your favorite?"

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“It’s true.” Leah said, with a shrug. Leah’s lips pursed at the question, she knew her answer, but she wasn’t really sure if it would count. Crossing one leg over the other, she glanced over to Gabriella. “Are we talking about just the MCU? Or Marvel as a whole? If it’s just the MCU, my favourite is Peter Quill, and I’d say he’s the one I’m most like... but if we’re talking as a whole, my favourite is between Wolverine and Storm. What about you?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"I guess as a whole, I really have a lot to learn." Gabriella said before she chuckled, giving her focus to Leah. Bringing her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapping around her knees. "I love those choices," She said with a smile growing on her face again. "I always thought it was so interesting how Guardians of the Galaxy worked in its own world but also mixed in so well with Earth too." Gabriella started before continuing, thinking for a moment, "That's tough, I know I love Captain Marvel because she does such a great job of thinking on her toes. Just going with her gut. And I loved the Doctor Strange movie. But who I'm the most like? That is a good question, I'm not really sure. I get the feeling of being known and wanting to make my family and fans proud. That isn't too exciting of an answer is it?"

LEAH PUCKERMAN

"I just really loved X-Men since middle school." Leah explained, repositioning herself so she could focus on Gabriella. "Fox owns the movie rights to them, but I have read so many comics, so many cartoons. I also had a huge crush on Hugh Jackman because of Wolverine.... Have." She let out a small laugh, and glanced to the TV for a moment. She honestly forgot that a movie was playing in the background. "Nah, they're good choices. I only know who I'm most like because of many buzzfeed quizzes that I took."

GABRIELLA DIAS

“Maybe we need to have a marathon of those movies too.” She offered, she couldn’t say no to them if she watched them with good company. When she watched Leah turn to focus on her she felt her smile grow. Finally turning her body towards her, interested into learning anything that she could. She had always enjoyed spending time with her. “That is awesome, I’ve never read comics before but I’ve heard good things about them.” Gabriella laughed with her, “Hey no one can blame you, he is talented and good looking and a nice person. How could someone not?” She followed her eyes too the tv remembering the movie again. “Sounds like it’s about time I start taking some quizzes. I have a feeling once I start taking them I won’t be able to stop.”

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Well, I can never say no to an X-Men marathon.” Leah remarked, a quirky excitement to her tone. X-Men was by far her favourite franchise. She then nodded to her shelf full of comics behind the sofa. “I have a whole library if you ever want to start reading them. They’re fun and light.” She rested her head on her hand as she continued to listen to Gabriella. “Yeah, it’s not a good rabbit hole to fall down.” She said. “Only fall down those jokes because there just... honestly isn’t much to do in hospital.” Leah then let out a small laugh, to avoid the tone going bleak.

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Well then we'll make it happen!" How could she say no after hearing that excitement. "I would love that! I'll take any one of them you suggest." She couldn't imagine what it would be like to spend a lot of time in a hospital. She wished Leah didn't have to go through all of that, but she seemed to handle it so well. "I could only imagine," Gabriella started, a soft smile still on her face. "I hope it doesn't happen again any time soon but if it does you can have me to keep you company next time. I would hope I'm a little more amusing then those quizzes." She teased at the end, "And I mean if anything we could just take all of those quizzes together."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah gave Gabriella a smile. “Sounds like a plan!” She squinted at the shelf for a moment at Gabriella’s words. It would be easy for Leah to just recommend her own personal favourites, but that would be too easy. “You might like The Vision and the Scarlet Witch.” Lean took in Gabriella’s following words, and briefly thought about her last stint in hospital. It really bothered her much more than she ever let on. “At the very least, you’ll be better than the crap they put on the TV when I’m in intensive care.” Leah said, with a smirk. “You can’t use technology in there, so the TV is all you can watch. They just put on bad reality TV. Not even the kind that you can laugh at like Jersey Shore. It’s just... bad and boring.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella looked over at the shelf, amazed at the collection. It had always been tough for her to keep things like that with all the traveling she had to do. "I look forward to reading them then." If there was any time to try new things it was while she was here in Sanders Bay. "I would be now? I would be honored to be that great of company." Seeing her smirk made her smile grow. "Wait seriously? That's terrible, that is the kind of stuff you watch with company so you can make fun of it." Gabriella teased, trying her best to keep the conversation light, she couldn't imagine it being easy to think about. "And I'm great at tv commentary."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“I know, right?” Leah said, letting out a fragment of a laugh. “But all the old ladies in the room with me live for it. The one on the bed next to mine didn’t appreciate my opinions on property value one bit.” If there was one upside to intensive care as an adult, it was the weird trivia that she stored in the back of her brain from these shows. “Next time I’m stuck in hospital without my phone, I’ll call you.” She pondered that sentence for a moment, letting out another laugh. “I’ll have someone call you.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella couldn't help but laugh, "You'd think they'd like a fresh opinion on things but it can't be that easy." She teased, her eyebrows rose at what she said, she made a fair point. She didn't really know the first thing of what it would be like to be in a hospital. But she relaxed at her next words. "Good, I'm glad." Gabriella said with a smile, glad to hear her laugh again. "I'm interested in hearing the various opinions on the show. Sounds like that alone would be amusing enough."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Boomers, man.” She said, her eyes rolling at the thought of her many hospital roommates. “I miss the children’s ward, sometimes.” Leah remarked. “Everyone there were much more chill.” She shuffled in her seat again, giving Gabbie a smile. “Good, because I have strong opinions about reality TV.” She joked.

GABRIELLA DIAS

"I could only imagine." Gabriella replied, a small smile still on her face. "I hope in the midst of all of that there are some highlights too." She hoped at least, she couldn't imagine what it was like. "And at least now that you're home you get to enjoy good shows and movies." Her eyes glancing back at the television for a moment.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“The staff there are nice.” Leah said, her mind wandering to McKenna and Tessa specifically. She’s always had a huge appreciation for people who worked in hospitals, ever since she was a child. She wouldn’t be alive without access to medical care; access that she could honestly see herself losing. Leah tried to not let that crushing fear show on her face as she turned her attention back to the TV. “Yup. I didn’t get to see Chris Evan’s ass in hospital. That was sorely missed.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

When she looked back at her for a moment she gave her a small smile, "That is really good, I'm glad to hear that." Glancing between both her and the movie they had almost forgotten about. Gabriella laughed at what she said next, her smile growing, "What a pity they can't take that honor away from you for any reason." She joked, stealing a glance at her again before looking back at the tv. "If there is any great motivation to try these movies it is certainly the good looking and talented actors. I can't wait to get to learn more about them."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“I had that privilege back in General Ward.” Leah said, with a smirk. She took another glance at the movie, it was very rare that she just straight up forgot about a superhero movie. She really loved her superhero movies. “They finally let you have internet once you leave intensive care.” She explained. “Then I can go back to being an obnoxious Gen Zer who has no idea what life is like without her phone.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

“Well that’s an improvement, at least then you could watch what you want.” No matter how hard she tried she knew it would be hard to focus on the movie. It was so nice to get to know someone, learn about what their life is like and what they enjoy. And she was certainly having a great time learning about Leah. “I could not imagine what that’s like. I’m not even on my phone often but I am so use to having that ability to reach over for it. I know very stereotypical of people our age.”

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Yeah, and there’s more people my age there.” Leah remarked, thinking of the faces she saw in both wards for a moment. It was a shame that most of her hospitalisation in Intensive Care when General Ward was much more tolerable. “I mean, how old were you when you got your first phone? I know I got my first one when I was like... fourteen. That’s ten years with technology constantly at my finger tips.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

“Id imagine that’d be better or at least I hope so. Easier to talk to too.” Her next question brought her back to memories of working and being on sets. “Oh god when was it?” Gabriella thought for a moment, “Honestly? Probably eight or nine. But didn’t get social media until I was older. It’s crazy isn’t it how use to it we are. And who knows what else will be invented in our lifetime. Maybe more of the Marvel universe will become a reality.” She teases glancing back at the movie for a moment.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“I can’t even wrap my head around an eight year old having a phone.” Leah said, with a small laugh. “But nowadays, I guess five year olds are just out there with the latest iPhones these days. My first phone was my mother’s old Nokia.” Leah glanced over to her own phone, a second hand iPhone that the guy at the store told her was good but affordable. She couldn’t imagine living without her smartphone now, and it amused her and concerned her. “I couldn’t live without a smartphone now.” She remarked. “If they do, I’m first in line for superpowers.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella couldn't help but laugh with her, "Well if I wasn't working on so many sets I don't think I would have had it. My parents just liked having contact with me. Wanting to know how I was and general updates." Nodding though at what she said, "It is crazy to me but times change, I suppose." Knowing how much she relied on her phone it wouldn't shock her if younger generations wanted it too. "Me too," She started before her smile grew, "Oh really? And what will your power be?"

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“So your mom was like... never on set with you bulldozing the whole thing?” Leah said, with a small laugh. “I guess the movies have been lying to me. Though I do wish I got one sooner now that you put it like that. Maybe my mom would have let me leave the street when I wanted to play outside.” She couldn’t help but think about all the freedom having a phone gave her once she got to high school. “Honestly? I kind of want super healing like Wolverine. His metal skull is cool too, of course, but the healing would be sick.” She remarked. “What about you?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"She was sometimes, I always had someone there. A family member or an agent. I was very lucky she didn't try to take control of anything or force me into jobs." Gabriella couldn't help but laugh with her. "I mean they aren't all wrong, some parents are just like that." She nodded in agreement, "It was great and being able to always call was even better. I swear they gave some of the best pep talks." The memory making her smile soften. "I think that is a great power to have." She started before thinking for a moment, "God, I feel like so many would be great to have. I guess it has always been a tie between mind reading or teleportation."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Well I’m glad she didn’t bulldoze, and she made sure you were safe at the same time.” She remarked, knowing her own mother sometimes struggled to find the line between the two. “Isn’t it? Imagine just being able to survive anything, live for hundreds of years and still be hot throughout it all?” She said, before going to listen to Gabriella’s answer. “Interesting choices. Any particular reason for them?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Sounds like an option to be a vampire of some sorts would be just as fun." Gabriella offered, just like she knew her fair share about superhero movies she also knew about the supernatural ones too. When she was younger she really enjoyed them. "But you know you would look good regardless, superpowers or not." She assured with a smile before thinking for another moment. "Well...I think sometimes it would be nice to know exactly how a director or a scene partner would feel. Sometimes there is so much to assume but actions it would be nice to know it in words. But the teleportation? It would be nice to get to travel and see more. Or also work in LA and New York and be able to jump here more often."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Yeah, but Wolverine doesn’t burn in the sun.” Leah remarked. “Burning in the sun while living near a beach is just a cruel curse.” She added, with a small laugh. She didn’t know much about vampire lore, but she was pretty sure that was a huge aspect. “I’m not going to look this good at eighty. It’s just a fact. No one does. I’m holding out for my tipping point being sixty, though.” She added, with a small smirk. “I’ll be on those click bait ‘dermatologists hate her’ articles, living the dream.” Leah rested her head on her hand as she listened to Gabriella talk, a small frown forming on her face, but she quickly turned it into a laugh. “So it’s all about work? Superpowers are meant to be fun, Gab.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella couldn't help but laugh with her, "Okay you make a great point! That would be far too cruel." She shook her head but gave her a small smile. "I am sure you will be beautiful always. Plus looks aren't always the most important thing." She assured. "Not all about work! Those were just the two perks I could think of that would work with those powers. Being able to teleport could also just give me a chance to travel more. I really didn't get the chances to explore many places if I worked there." Gabriella offered but Leah was sort of right powers were suppose to be fun. But work has always been the most important thing to her.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Exactly. Going to the beach when it’s nice out is one of the best things about this town.” Leah remarked. “That and the stunning bar staff, but I can’t exactly get a kick out of myself, now, can I?” She teased, giving Gabriella a small wink. “Finally!” She said, letting out another laugh. “Travel, that’s a really fun way to use a superpower. But what about mind reading? Can you think of a fun use for that?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Well who says you can't? There is nothing wrong with knowing how great you are. I really admire it." Gabriella said honestly, but her smile still grew at the wink. "I know how to have fun, I swear." She insisted once she heard Leah's laugh. "Well I think it would be nice to know how to make people happy. Figure out what they really think or need. Plus I wouldn't mind knowing what goes through some people's mind."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“It’s not like I can check out myself as I’m serving myself a drink, is it?” Leah joked, with another hint of laughter. “Unless I had that multiplication mutation like that bank robber in The Last Stand.” Leah interjected, thinking back to the third X-Men movie. “Aw, that would be a fun power.” She turned her attention back to Gabriella, a soft smile on her lips as she spoke. “You’re gonna have to prove it to me.” She remarked. “I can see the fun in that. It’d certainly come in handy when trying to hook up with someone. It’s better to know sooner rather than later if they’re into some weird shit.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Looks like I'll have to catch it on video for you. Seems like a happy medium." She laughed with her, her smile growing. Raising one of her eyebrows at what she said next, "Is that a challenge?" Gabriella couldn't help but laugh again, "You know when you put it like that, that is another great perk of it." Shaking her head for a moment before resting it on her hand as her elbow rested on the back of the couch. "Figure out if the two of you really do click or not. It may seem like such a silly thing to think about with how important looks are to hook ups these days. But in my eyes that actual chemistry and attraction feels just as important."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah let out a small laugh, and shook her head. “It seems like my only option, so go ahead.” Leah shuffled in her seat yet again, and took another brief glance at the movie. “Maybe.” She said in a teasing tone. “Oh, it’s all about looks for me if we’re talking about a one time hookup.” Leah said candidly. “I just need to know if they’re a furry or something. I’m not doing that shit.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Well if that's the case I can't back down now, can I? I hope I can manage to prove it." Not being able to help but tease back, enjoying the banter. "I guess you make a fair point there. Maybe I'm not quite use to that scene." She admitted, she tried her best to be careful with it in the big cities. Her eyebrows furrowed at her next words, "Oh god, yeah. No shame but that seems like a big no thank you to me." It was stories like those that made her glad that she was quite selective."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“I hope for your sake that you manage to, as well.” Leah teased. “But if you can’t, I’ll be more than happy to show you.” She added, thinking back to her own childhood and how different it must have been to Gabriella’s. “You never just hooked up with someone?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, shame all the way.” Leah said. “This is coming from someone with a gross old man kink, so that is saying something.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Well when you put it like that maybe you would need to show me a thing or two." Gabriella said with a smile, "I feel like my fun may not be the most exciting. All I really knew was going to some parties, maybe knowing how to sneak away without being noticed." She thought for a moment, "Well I've had one or two, but mainly flings I guess is the word for them. I didn't have a really serious relationship until this last one I was in." Her eyebrows rose at what she said, "Oh really? Well I guess in some ways I could see that."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Name the time and place and I will.” Leah said, with a smirk. “Well, who were you sneaking off with?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. “Ah, I see. I’m not really into the whole relationship thing, either. I was never actually in one.” Leah let out a small laugh. “Am I that obvious?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

“Maybe sooner rather than later?” She asked not being able to help but notice her smirk. It sparked some excitement inside of her. “Some...people I knew.” Gabriella said suddenly getting a little bashful. Ducking her head down for a moment glad the conversation moved to relationships. “Wait no...no I didn’t mean it like that! No just I could see how someone could find some older people attractive. I’ve had my own crushes on older actors and actresses.” She admitted, shocked that she even did that. It wasn’t often that she would open up to people but it seemed to feel okay with Leah.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Sooner works.” She said, the smirk on her face only growing wider, let out a small laugh at Gabriella’s explanation. “Alright, alright. I’m glad that there’s someone out there who understands it at least.” She responded. She then turned her attention back to the screen. “Maybe we should pay attention to the movie. Not that this isn’t a great conversation, but we’re so far in already.” She said, noticing how far into Captain America they were. She took her superhero movies seriously. Leah shuffled in the spot and turned her attention back to the TV.

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

What are your thoughts on 19 days anime in the future? And want moment would you like to see animated? I personally can't understand why 19 days anime doesn't exist..I would like to see it..

Good afternoon, dear anon-san!

It seems every once in a while the possibility of getting an anime adaptation of 19 Days pops up in the fandom. Usually, the rumor ripples get started by fan-made animation clips that some people mistake for official releases. Although, I suppose the topic has risen up once again by Mosspaca’s involvement in Legend of Hei and its film adaptation that was released in China in September. 

“What are your thoughts on 19 days anime in the future?”

Personally, I don’t need 19 Days to get an anime, and every time the rumors of getting an adaptation have reached my ears I’ve been somewhat relieved when they turn out to be misunderstandings. Not every comic can - or even should - be animated, and I don’t understand or agree with the need to turn everything into moving pictures. Some things are better left alone and enjoyed in their original form.

However, if the anime adaptation was to happen, “in the future” is the key I would emphasize for two main reasons: the pacing of the story and development of the relationships.

I’ve read a lot of yaoi/shounen-ai comics and have never come across pacing and structure similar to 19 Days. We have 300+ chapters by now but not much has really happened. Each chapter only has a handful of panels, and they vary from covering some passing little moment that doesn’t contribute to the overall plot to stretching 10-or-so chapters loosely over one school day. And judging by the snail’s pace that the comic has inched forward, I doubt that’s going to change anytime soon. If the story that has taken years to get to where we are now was turned into an anime it would either have really short episodes or they would have to come up with more story content. So, if the anime ever happens, it’s far into the future.

Besides the slow pace, the budding relationships are very slow burn as well. By now, avid readers are used to it and get excited over the gradual, nuanced developments and analyzing the tiniest of details, but I don’t see that being successfully adapted into an anime. It wouldn’t be satisfying in the same way as discovering those things in the comic is. Also, the target audience would mostly consist of yaoi folks (that I’m also a part of), and even if it’s a shounen-ai we would be expecting to see more explicit relationships than what 19 Days in its current form has to offer. By “explicit” I don’t mean we are just thirsty for graphic yaoi content and don’t care about the story, but a lot of the relationship development in 19 Days is hiding between the lines or feel significant to the current readers because it’s taken the short weekly releases years to reach that point. I don’t see that being satisfactory in an anime form. Then there are also the Chinese censorship laws that are already a bad match with 19 Days but would even further restrict the content of the anime. Of course, 19 Days is still very much ongoing, but again, it only means a successful anime adaptation is way into the future.

All that being said, though, I’m not 100% against the idea of an adaptation. For example, I’d be interested if OX came up with an anime-only story. A short prequel film about the past featuring the He brothers? Something about Qiu and He Cheng’s past? Also, I’m not saying 19 Days doesn’t have themes worth exploring in anime form. For example, the gradually deepening childhood friendship of Zhan Zheng Xi and Jian Yi and JY discovering he is feeling something else for his best friend would certainly make a beautiful story. Either way, I think a film would work better than a series.

Would I watch an anime adaptation of 19 Days? Of course, I would. All the doubts and fears I have towards 19 Days - the animation are no doubt solvable for professionals, and I would be looking forward to being proved wrong. But I still don’t think it’s the direction in which 19 Days should be heading.

“And want moment would you like to see animated?”

I don’t think I have any specific moments, but if 19 Days was ever turned into an anime I feel like Zhanyi would make the best focus of the story. First of all, it has many beautiful themes: friendship, coming of age, discovering yourself in a romantic and sexual sense, coming to terms with it, and dealing with discrimination of your environment. They remind me of Doukyuusei and Given which are my most favorite shounen-ais.

Secondly, I think Zhanyi already breaks many of the typical yaoi/shounen-ai cliches. You don’t have to look further than the debate about which one of them is the seme. Now, before you think I’m against the seme-uke division, let me perhaps disappoint some of you by saying I’m not. They’re an essential and historical feature of the genre and have their place, and I do have my own preferences regarding semes and ukes. I’ve never been a fan of the thinking that if I don’t like something in some genre or media, it should be gotten rid of by starting to dictate and police people’s tastes. Yaoi and shounen-ai genres are written for a certain target audience whose interests they’re meant to fulfill. And frankly said, I think it’s rude and stupid to go to those communities as an outsider and expect them to change according to my taste. All of that doesn’t, of course, mean you can’t go against the stereotypes and tropes of the genre. I’m an avid yaoi/shounen-ai reader and highly enjoy refreshing stories that, for example, go against the typical seme-uke roles [masculine ukes for the win!]. And seke stories that actually feature a switch of the roles in the bedroom always perk my interest. I feel like Zhanyi would be good at muddling the waters in that regard without even having to be more graphic than holding hands or kissing.

It seems I ended up somewhat disagreeing with you but I hope I managed to do so without being too harsh. Nevertheless, thank you very much for your question, dear anon-san!

[debbiechanclub]

The Ocean In Between

Characters: Adam Cole x OFC x Zack Gibson

Summary: Madeline McGregor’s been given a second shot at the top in the form of NXT UK, and she’s more than willing to grab the brass ring. But it’s more than gold that motivates her to set her sights across the ocean; so long as she can keep from looking back.

Note: I’m not expecting there to be nearly as much interest in this as there is Paradigm Shift, but I wrote it so I’m posting it. Prove me wrong, Tumblr!

Tagging: @dagreatest316 @blondekel77 @pinkxlips @gamer705

Part 1/?

Chapter One: I Have News

Sunday, June 1, 2019 NXT TakeOver: XXV – Bridgeport, Connecticut

As she stared across the table at Triple H, Maddie felt—as Candice would say—like a duck: calm, cool, and collected to the outside world, but frantically treading water just beneath the surface. After all, this meeting would go one of two ways; and if she had to guess, she’d say her chances were 50/50 as to whether she was about to get good news or the worst news of her life.

“Alright, Maddie,” he leaned forward on his forearms, cutting an imposing figure. His expression was entirely unreadable. “First I want to say thank you for coming up here to meet with me. I know you’re not on the card tonight, so I appreciate your flying up from Florida.”

Maddie swallowed a lump in her throat. That didn’t seem like a good start to the conversation, but she forced a smile. “Oh, it’s no problem. I was planning on coming, anyway; there’s no way I’d miss a TakeOver, let alone one this big.”

Hunter sent her a stiff grin of his own. “I know you wouldn’t. You’ve been dedicated since day one; that’s something that’s always stood out to me about you. You never complain, you always show up and put in the work no matter the situation.”

Maddie’s heart hammered so thunderously that it almost drowned out the compliment. “Thank you. It means a lot that you think that of me.”

“You’re welcome. And that sort of segues into what I wanted to talk to you about.”

She sat up straighter, wringing clammy hands in her lap. This was it. Her entire future hung upon whatever the next words would be to come out of his mouth.

His tone was even and steady as he spoke. “I know things haven’t gone how you expected or hoped they would over the last year. Unfortunately, there’s only so much opportunity to go around, and you’ve gotten lost in the shuffle here.”

Blood rushed to her head and she went momentarily dizzy. He was going to release her. This was the end of the road, her last night in NXT, in WWE—

“Which is why I want to see how you do over in NXT UK.”

Suddenly, the world stopped. “I’m sorry what?” she blurted. NXT UK? Had she heard him correctly?

He let out an amused laugh at her utter bewilderment. “Is that something you’d be open to?”

“Yes, absolutely!” Maddie proclaimed. Her heart was still pounding, but it was a different sensation now. “That’s just not—I’m really surprised.”

“I get it,” he sympathetically returned. “But this is actually something I’ve been considering for a few weeks. You made a name for yourself over in Britain working for Progress and Pro Wrestling: EVE. They know you there, they like you there, and, at least right now, I really think there’s greater opportunity for you on the NXT UK roster than there is down in Florida.”

Maddie couldn’t agree more. “When do I start?”

“Well, the next round of UK tapings will be at Download Festival. In two weeks.”

“Then I’ll be at Download Festival in two weeks.”

Hunter genially knocked his knuckles against the tabletop. “That’s what I like to hear. In the meantime, all I need you to do is be ready to go. I’m still ironing out the creative details, but I should have more to tell you in about a week.”

For the first time since sitting down, Maddie gave a genuine smile. “That works for me.”

“Great,” Hunter nodded. “Well, that’s all I had for you, Maddie. Get outta here, go enjoy the show.”

“I will. Thank you so much, Hunter.” She shook his hand and nearly bounced out of the room, feeling a million times lighter than when she’d entered. For the first time in a long time, it felt like something good was on the horizon; and for the boss himself to recognize her dedication and talent made all the difference.

She had to share the good news. It was just past 5 o’clock, so that meant it was just past 10 o’clock in England. They should all still be up, she thought as she whipped out her phone and composed a group text to her closest friends on the UK brand: Toni Storm, Pete Dunne, Tyler Bate, Trent Seven, and Mark Andrews.

Guys!! I have news! Trips just spoke with me and he’s putting me on NXT UK!!

Pete was the first to reply. But you’re a yank.

“Seriously?” She rolled her eyes at the curt, typical Pete-ness of his response; but before she could fire off a snappy retort Toni chimed in.

PETE! Shut it. That’s fantastic Mads! I’ve been wanting a new opponent to defend my title against ;)

Brilliant, Trent added. Don’t listen to Pete, he’s got his cranky dad pants on.

Fuck off mate, Pete returned. To which Trent simply said:

See.

Maddie laughed to herself as her fingers flew over the keyboard. Wow, I can already tell this’ll be a barrel of fun.

Mark checked in next. Mads! This is fantastic news. Will you be at Download?

Yes! she texted back. They’re still working out the details but he said they should have it all figured out by then. Dozens of possibilities flew through Maddie’s head as she hit send, each one better than the last. She hadn’t wrestled Rhea since the inaugural Mae Young Classic, and she’d love to have a re-match; and, of course, she’d want to set her sights on the NXT UK Women’s Championship as soon as possible, whether Toni had it or not. After nearly two years, she’d had yet to taste gold in NXT, and her hunger was growing unbearable. To win that championship would prove that none of the blood, sweat, and tears she’d put into this business had been in vain. It would prove that she belonged.

Her phone vibrated in her hands. Tyler had finally responded. Congrats Mads. Toni needs someone to come over here and knock her down a peg.

Maddie’s eyebrows arched when she read that. She was not about to insert herself between Tyler and Toni—and Trent apparently felt the same.

And that’s my cue to exit, he said.

A text came in from Toni next. I’ll just pretend you didn’t say that, she returned, and Maddie prayed Tyler would just keep his big mouth shut. Thankfully, when nothing else was said, it seemed he knew he was better off just staying quiet.

ANYWAY, Mark interjected. I’m so excited for you and I can’t wait to see you at Download!

Thank you!! Maddie typed back. Alright, I’m gonna go since it’s TakeOver and all. See you in two weeks!    

She smiled down at her phone, thrilled that her friends seemed just as happy as her—and then she remembered. “I have to tell Candice!”

She hurried back down the hall toward the direction of the women’s locker room, cut hard around a corner, and slammed right into a solid body. She stumbled backward from the impact, dazed, and two hands grabbed hold of her shoulders to steady her. When she regained her bearings and focused in on who was in front of her, she realized it was the last person she wanted to see tonight: Austin Jenkins; or, as he was known to the world, Adam Cole.

“Whoa, where’s the fire?” A bemused smile crinkled the skin around his blue eyes, but Maddie didn’t return it.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you. “ She shrugged out of his grip and tried to step around him, but he moved with her, blocking her way.

“Wait. I’m glad I ran into you, literally. I have news.”

He was practically bouncing on his toes. As much as she didn’t want to give him the time of day, Maddie didn’t have the heart to rob him of the excitement of sharing his news, whatever it was. She was in the same boat. “Well?” she asked expectantly. “What is it?”

He couldn’t stop smiling if he tried. “I’m winning the NXT Championship tonight.”

For a second, Maddie just stared up at him wide-eyed, unsure what to do, what to say. She’d known this day would come—everyone did—but it was different now. Before, she’d always imagined him winning the title with her there by his side, greeting him with a kiss as he returned through the Gorilla curtain, sweaty and exhausted and ecstatic. But now it felt impersonal; like someone else living out a dream that had once been hers. “Congrats,” she managed say. “You’ll make a great champ.”

His grin faltered for the first time. “You seem surprised.”

“Well, I am,” she blurted. “I mean, not that you’re winning, but that you’re telling me.”

He looked confused at that. “Of course I’m telling you. There’s no one else I’ve talked with about this more than you.”

Maddie felt bile coming up from her stomach in the form of words, nasty and foul, but before she could spit out what her heart wanted her to say she forced her brain to take over. “I have news too.”

Austin’s face went stoic, and the mood suddenly shifted. He must have heard about her meeting with Triple H—Candice probably told him—and now he was clearly uncomfortable, uncertain if her news was good news, if he’d inadvertently rubbed his happiness in her misery. “Yeah, Candice told me about your meeting,” he cautioned. “How’d it go?”

She kept up her poker face; kept her tone even. “Good. They’re putting me on NXT UK.”

“What?” His obvious shock spewed out of his mouth, and he had to reel it back in. “I mean, that’s cool. I know you like wrestling over there. You’re not gonna have to move there, are you?”

What do you care? she thought, but she kept the question to herself and shook her head. “No. They film just like we do. I’ll still be here—well, in Florida. At the PC.”

He nodded like that information mattered to him. Like he would notice if she was on the other side of ocean. But Maddie knew he wouldn’t. He had someone else to warm his bed. “Well, congrats,” he said, and then they were left with nothing but the awkward silence between them.

She shifted to step around him again. He didn’t stop her this time. “Well, I’m gonna go tell Candice. Good luck tonight; although I guess you don’t need it.”

“Oh no, I probably still do,” he joked.

Maddie sent him an artificial smile, and then she was on her way again to the women’s locker room; to Candice and their friends; to people who really would be happy for her and not just superficially so. But just before she got to the locker room door she slowed to stop, wondering. She looked at her phone again, pulled up his name, debated sending him a text. But no sooner had the thought arrived than she dismissed it. She hadn’t heard from him in weeks; hadn’t seen him since WrestleMania. He probably wouldn’t care anymore than Austin had, and she didn’t want another lukewarm response.

[patheticphallacy]

This is going to be a really difficult introduction to my wrap up.

Unfortunately, on September 18th my dad passed away. He was only 50 years old. I won’t go into details because of how personal it is, but he was in hospital a majority of the month before he passed. I’ve taken a year suspension from University for the time being.

It has been a really difficult time for myself and my family. I’ve turned a lot to books and blogging to offer a way to occupy my mind which is why so many things still seem to be coming out, but I cannot say that this will hold up after the funeral.

As I schedule so many posts, a lot of what came out this month has been written since around mid August and I did not find the time to stop the University posts before they were released. I won’t be deleting them.

I hope you’ll all understand.

THINGS I’VE READ

    An Inspector Calls by J.B. Priestley– My sister gave me her copy she used for her GCSE’s. Such a great play with revelation after revelation, left me on the edge of my seat. While I knew the core plot twist, I didn’t predict that ending. 

Mob Psycho 100 Volume 1 by One– This was kind of meh. It’s one of my best friend’s favourites, so I’ll carry it on eventually, but I don’t really feel the urge to pick volume two up just yet. I will say I like how the anime tackles the same events in a different order to save major revelations for backstory– that was really interesting to pick up on. 

I Call Upon Thee by Ania Ahlborn– I really didn’t like this! Lacklustre and very cliched, feel like it doesn’t really offer anything other than annoying ending and characters who go through absolutely no development at all. 

Kissing Tolstoy by Penny Reid– An OK romance that actually has discussions surrounding reading and books that don’t feel forced. I found this easy to read even though I’ve never read any Russian Lit, and I actually want to read it more now. Like that it discusses age gaps and issues of the power dynamic too. 

    Seven Tears at High Tide by C.B. Lee– Finally finished this one, and it only took me 3 months. A very cute and heartwarming story about a boy who makes a wish and falls in love with a Selkie. Does get ridiculous at the end, I must say, but I was happy with the payoff. 

The Tea Dragon Society by Katie O’Neill– Katie O’Neill creates such amazing narratives that have wonderful messages about society and being true to yourself and your wishes, pursuing something that you love and encouraging others to do the same. 

Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin– How can I ever trust a single man or old person after this book? Tell me. 

Please Undo This Hurt by Seth Dickinson– Don’t really rate this short story. It bored me and I hated the main characters, not even in a good way. Just perpetuates the ‘I can save you from your mental illness’ narrative that is dull and overdone by this point. 

    My Hero Academia Volume 20 by Kohei Horikoshi– Gentle Criminal and La Brava was so boring, the School Festival arc was fabulous, and Endeavor finally got his ass kicked! Yay! 

Aphrodite Made Me Do It by Trista Mateer– I have a review of this coming out soon for National Poetry Day in the UK, but if you don’t want to wait, I have a review here!

The Quiet Boy by Nick Antosca– I read this after watching the trailer for Antlers, and I thought it was pretty neat! Very thrilling, although I’m bothered by changes being made in the film that I feel could detract from having Julia as one of the main characters in the film. 

I Am Not Your Final Girl by Claire C. Holland– A collection of poetry centring around fictional women from horror films, exploring their empowerment and agency in a genre and a wider culture and society that seems willing to beat them down until they break. 

Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink– I have a review of this linked later this post! Full of body horror and emotional trauma, this is a really solid read great for fans of the podcast and Welcome to Night Vale. 

    In the Shadow of Spindrift House by Mira Grant– I love this terrible cover! Keep an eye out for my review of this, it’s coming out soon. 

The World’s Greatest First Love Volume 1 by Shungiku Nakamura– The publishing elements and the main character were GREAT, but there is prevalent sexual assault in this that is never addressed and is incredibly insensitive in its treatment, so I don’t recommend this manga. 

Dead Voices by Katherine Arden– I didn’t enjoy this one as much as Small Spaces, but it’s still really freaky and a great middle grade read. I love that Coco gets her own POV in this, too, and that it doesn’t take stereotypical routes with some of its plotlines. 

No One Is Too Small To Make a Difference by Greta Thunberg– This is a collection of speeches Greta Thunberg has made addressing climate change, as well as her own position as an advocate for the cause. Moving and a must read, in my opinion. It’s only £3 in Waterstones at the moment for anyone who wants to pick it up!

    Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury– A fascinating collection of essays written by Bradbury about his writing process and some of the more popular works he’s published. I honestly felt really inspired and motivated after reading this, I highly recommend it especially for creative writers, but just be warned it is very oriented around the white male experience.

Heartstopper Volume 2 by Alice Oseman– I adore Heartstopper and I love this second volume. Great progression in the relationship between Nick and Charlie, and we’re getting to see more outside of their relationship and into their friendships and family dynamics, too. I still love Tori Spring!

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle– Finally got a hold of the MASSIVE audiobook where Stephen Fry narrates all the Holmes stories, and it honestly made the experience so much more enjoyable. I think Doyle’s skill lies more in shorter fiction than longer fiction, I think there’s less opportunity for… not useless, per se, just unneeded waffling. 

Giant Days Volume 9 and 10 by John Allison– These two volumes take place around the tailend of the girl’s second years and follows their accommodation location, the progression (and breakdown) of relationships, and them finally making it to third year intact. I honestly can’t believe there’s only three or four volumes left in this series, its been a constant companion for me since 2016 when I first started and I really don’t want to let it go. 

  No Touching At All and Even So, I Will Love You Tenderly by Kou Yoneda– Of the ‘older’ manga I’ve read that focus on the relationships between two men, these two are definitely in the ‘recommend’ pile. Other than the beautiful names for the volumes and the artwork being really pretty, I really enjoyed the developing relationships and the conversations had about workplace homophobia and ostracization in Japan, although that wasn’t the main focus. They do include some questionable attitudes towards identification of sexuality– two characters in both volumes are probably bisexual or on that spectrum, but are referred to as straight more than once for liking women and only the man they enter the relationship with. It’s complicated, but nothing in either volumes ever feels targeted or hateful, just lacking education on the nuances of sexuality. 

Articles

I found this article about Friends great as it breaks down issues I’ve had with the show for years. I don’t have a lot of attachment to it, honestly, I mostly just put it on in the background, but I think I’ll stop now. I’ve always found the handling of gender and sexuality damaging in Friends, as well as the overwhelming fatphobia.

I really enjoyed looking through this list The Guardian did of the 100 best books of the 21st century. I don’t know why, I’m just a big fan of lists!

Before reading this article, I can honestly tell you I knew nothing about Susan Sontag beyond her name. It’s deconstructing her queerness and how her aversion to accepting her own sexuality ultimately ruled a lot of the work she produced in her life.

God, this article was fascinating. I can’t even tell you what it’s about, really, other than that it’s an interview with Christeene, a punk drag artist who is just really cool, honestly. There are some buttholes for anyone who… wants to avoid butts? Or reading this at work?

There was a massive conversation in August that carried into September regarding the rise in men adopting pseudonyms to get their thriller novels published. This Atlantic article particularly captured the issues I have with men who do this, who are almost trying to fool an audience of women who trust women writers to not approach the suffering of women through a misogynistic lens, as is so common in modern society.

An older article by The New Inquiry, Coming out of the Coffin offers an insight into the fraught relationship between Bram Stoker and Oscar Wilde. A really interesting read, I’m just sad I discovered it 7 years after its release!

THINGS I WATCHED

I don’t do music sections on these wrap ups anymore, so I’ll put this here: the GRAACE cover of ‘Complicated’ by Avril Lavigne completely transforms the song and adds such an amazing depth to it

I decided to binge watch Fleabag and it’s most definitely the best decision I’ve made all year. Fleabag follows the titular woman as she navigates her life as a thirty year old woman whose entire life is in flux, and has been since the death of her mother. There’s a lot I could say about this show, honestly. What really stood out to me was how much I could relate specifically to the emotions Fleabag and her older sister Claire feel in relation to each other, and their grief. Seeing them still come back together even after such a significant loss, their dependency, really gives me strength to get through what I’m experiencing at the moment, so Fleabag has been something I can relate to and look at as hope for a future where I can begin to wrap my head around the terrible things going on around me.

THINGS I POSTED

August Wrap Up

TTT: Books Outside My Comfort Zone

50 Bookish Questions Tag

Music I Enjoyed This Summer

Connie’s Personal 101 Guide For Personal Survival of University

Bookshelf Tour Part 3: TBR & More Manga/Comics

Book Review: I Call Upon Thee by Ania Ahlborn

TTT: Books on my Fall TBR

Book Review: Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink

Bookshelf Tour Part 4: CDs&DVDs

If you liked this post, consider buying me a coffee? Ko-Fi. 

Goodreads|Twitter|Instagram|Letterboxd

September Wrap Up This is going to be a really difficult introduction to my wrap up. Unfortunately, on September 18th my dad passed away.

[ken-branagh]

When is Death on the Nile suppose to come out? Has there been anymore news?

Hi! Thank you for your ask! :) Death on the Nile is coming out October 2 2020 in UK and US. All the articles have stated the same date, for both countries, however I just noticed IMDb is listing the US premiere as October 22 2020 (not October 2!) and the UK premiere isn’t mentioned at all. Why isn’t it listed anymore? I don’t know when the change was made. Is it a mistake (info on IMDb is user-submitted and the site isn’t always reliable) or another quiet shuffling of release dates from the studio? If so, we’ll hear about it soon. I hope it’s an error.

This is just speculation but if the US premiere really moved from October 2, I imagine it was to get away from two superhero movies opening that day, an untitled Fox/Marvel project and Sony/Marvel sequel (likely Venom 2). October 22 would save DOTN from direct competition but not for long because November 6 is opening day of another untitled Marvel movie. That’s 16 days later.

Here’s a recent breakdown of the news so far reblogged from my other blog @poirott. The latest news in a nutshell: Gal Gadot, Armie Hammer and Jodie Comer’s castings have all been confirmed by Ken. The production is currently casting the rest of the characters. Filming is scheduled to start in “early autumn”, The Daily Mail says. Ken’s already been looking at certain shooting locations in Egypt, via his interview here. He said several actors he admires have asked him if they can be in the movie, and that he’ll “absolutely be taking them up on that.” 

News about shooting locations should be interesting. I wonder if they’ll be using the same near 100-year old former royal steamer Sudan David Suchet’s Poirot version did for their filming of Death on the Nile in 2004, or perhaps the Memnon that appeared in Peter Ustinov’s version in 1978. Sudan is the ship that carried Agatha Christie up the Nile in 1933 and inspired her to write the novel (she calls it “SS Karnak” in the story), and it’s still furnished in the 1930s style. It even has English and French copies of the novel in its small library! :) The ship has been completely rehauled in 2011 with renovated motors, refurbished kitchen, and an organic vegetable garden is being laid out along the Nile banks to supply the restaurant. I’m not sure if the Memnon got restored or not, it’s been in a bad shape for a long time.

Some great pictures of Sudan from this booking site (you can check out each cabin and where exactly it’s located):

The Agatha Christie suite on the starboard side of the prow on the upper deck:

Even if the production doesn’t use the same ship, chances are they’ll have something very close to the original for authenticity. Just think of the amount of detail they went into with the Orient Express train in the previous film, it was gorgeous. It’s likely they’ll have a replica of the ship at the studio for shooting onboard scenes. The art director on Peter Ustinov’s adaptation said they had a replica of the Memnon (renamed into “Karnak”) built in a tank at Pinewood Studios in England to recreate the Nile and its banks. They were given 10 days to do all the measurements on the original Memnon, so they could reproduce it on set. 

Which suspect occupies which cabin is also relevant to the plot. Layout of the cabins and creating a good replica of the steamer will be key. :) Given Ken’s enthusiasm over shooting in Egypt, admiration for Agatha Christie, sentimental streak, and love for detail in all his projects, I’m sure he’d be thrilled to secure Sudan for the production, and I hope he can. 

Thanks again and take care! I’ll keep an eye on the release date.

[zrtranscripts]

Radio Abel, Season Six

Part 4 of 6

The following section takes place after S6M20, "Peacekeeper"

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, ci-ti-zens! Have we got a treat for you.

ZOE CRICK: He's using the word "treat" very loosely.

JODY MARSH: Thanks!

ZOE CRICK: My pleasure.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: With us in the studio is Abel's very own Jody Marsh! Former interim commander-in-chief, and now... um...

JODY MARSH: Just another Abel runner.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, there's nothing just about being an Abel runner. And anyway, you've got a scheme or two of your own going on, haven't you? A little birdy tells me about a certain transmitter you've been building?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [laughs] Which makes sense. Transmitters make good perches for birds.

ZOE CRICK: It wasn't a literal bird, Phil.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, I know. I'm just saying, actual birds would also be well informed about Jody's transmitter.

JODY MARSH: Now that you mention it, we did have a seagull nest in it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: See?

JODY MARSH: Only we had to get rid of it because it was interfering with the signal.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, but nothing happened to the chicks, right? You definitely rehomed them in as untraumatic a way as possible?

JODY MARSH: Yeah, because I knew you'd never speak to me again if I didn't. And I picked this next song especially for the baby seagulls!

ZOE CRICK: Aw!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I've seen the plans for that transmitter of yours, Jody. It's an impressive bit of kit.

JODY MARSH: Thanks. I mean, it's a real botch job, but it does the trick. It's let us set up UK-wide comms with a whole bunch of settlements that were cut off from contact before.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Such a weird thought. You know, there are people out there who've got no idea what's been going on in the rest of the country. I mean, yeah, they've probably noticed the zoms. But the Minister and all the rest of it?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. And as soon as we fill them in, they'll probably decide she's the best thing since sliced bread. Everyone else seems to think that.

JODY MARSH: It's just the cure. You can't blame people for wanting it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I do a bit. Wrong's wrong, whatever it's got to offer you.

JODY MARSH: But they don't know it's wrong. That's the thing. That's why my transmitter's so important. If we could just talk to people. That's what it's all about in the end, talking. You can fight your enemies from dawn until dusk, but until you change their minds, they'll just rise up again in the morning.

ZOE CRICK: Hm. A bit like zombies, in fact.

JODY MARSH: It's not just the UK, either. I'm hoping to get a booster that will let us speak to other countries. The whole world! If I can manage it.

ZOE CRICK: That would be amazing. We could find out what's going on in... well, I don't know. Outer Mongolia!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We could broadcast the show to them.

JODY MARSH: Lucky Outer Mongolia. Oh! They'd get to listen to something like this!

ZOE CRICK: It must be weird, though.

JODY MARSH: What?

ZOE CRICK: Being in charge and then having Janine come back and suddenly you're [laughs] taking orders again.

JODY MARSH: Not really. I mean, I'd probably do what Janine said even if she wasn't officially in charge. She's just got that sort of personality.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's true. She made some comments about my hair getting long the other day and Zoe had to talk me out of getting it buzz cut. Just didn't want to disappoint her.

ZOE CRICK: I'd hate to have had your job, though, Jody. I mean, all that responsibility! [laughs] I can barely take care of myself, let alone half the country.

JODY MARSH: It's funny. I thought I'd find it dead stressful, and it was, but I kinda liked it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Inner control freak coming out?

JODY MARSH: No! Well, yeah. I'm not saying I'm not a big old bossy boots, but it was more than that. It made me feel good knowing I was helping people.

ZOE CRICK: You've always helped people, though. You've saved more lives than I've had hot dinners, and I like my food.

JODY MARSH: I've done my bit, but it's easy doing what you're told, isn't it? Making the decisions, the hard decisions, that's a whole different thing. When you do that so other people don't have to, it's like you're... I don't know, uh, lifting this huge burden off them, and they don't even know it. So I'm glad I did it, but I'm glad Janine's carrying it now, as well.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, this one's for you, Janine De Luca. We all owe you one.

BERNARD PRIOR: Fairest listeners, good morrow to you! And what a zippy tune! Did you bliss out? I believe that's the lingo. You might think ruddy old Bernard has never been to a right old rave-up. And you'd be right. But I have been to a concert or two where the bass drums were off the hook. [laughs] Just my little joke. I'm actually very fond of The Smiths in my more soft-shoed moments. More tunes, vicar?

BERNARD PRIOR: Now, as those delicate notes fade away, let's get down to business. Careful listeners, as I am confident you are aware, I, your humble host, doth occasionally attempt to bring a tot of political philosophy to the old airwaves, investigating how ancient ideas of governance and legislature apply to our savage realpolitik red in tooth and claw. However, it is with a heavy heart I must tell you that, as a mere radio presenter, I do have to abide by the diktats of my superiors. More on those diktats after this.

BERNARD PRIOR: So, word from on high is -

AMELIA SPENS: You need to be more accessible to the great unwashed, B.

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh, Amelia. You're here. And could you please watch your phrasing? Many of my listeners have suffered through soap rationing.

AMELIA SPENS: Now Bernard, we have always had soap in Fort Canton. The people who said there was a soap shortage were not to be believed. Who would believe anyone who was so poorly groomed? Anyway, your show going forward. I like to think of it as a sympathetic refurbishment of a well-loved classic. A stylish new jacket on a saggy old body.

BERNARD PRIOR: My show hardly needs refurbishing, or as I suspect, completely demolishing and replacing with a shopping arcade.

AMELIA SPENS: You need to be accessible! Enough of this political philosophy claptrap.

BERNARD PRIOR: One does wonder what could be more accessible, dear hearts, than the machinations of our very systems of governance.

AMELIA SPENS: One word: ratings. Ratings are the powers that be in this game, and Fort Canton Today needs to be more populist, reach a little further than the metropolitan elite. You need to lower your common denominator. Which is why from now on, this show will be mainly movie reviews.

BERNARD PRIOR: Film reviews. I think you'll find in England, we call them films.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, whatever. Good grief. And stop sulking! This reboot comes with perks.

BERNARD PRIOR: I'm delighted to let you know, listeners, Amelia is referring to a glittering stack of old VHS cassettes and a top-loading player supplied to old Bernard precisely for such noble pursuits. [sighs] So stay tuned, fragrant listeners, for Bernard's government-sanctioned thoughts on flicks.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, cheer up, B! You might enjoy it.

BERNARD PRIOR: Could it not at least be the high arts? Opera, ballet, classical music. Something to delight the senses, something I can bring a bit of my special Bernard magic to. A sprinkling of wonder.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, I think this will be magical enough for anyone.

BERNARD PRIOR: And there's no, I don't know, conflict of interest here?

AMELIA SPENS: Whatever do you mean?

BERNARD PRIOR: Are you, Miss Spens, using your political position to influence the media in a way that benefits your personal business interests?

AMELIA SPENS: Bernard, you need to stop listening to the haters.

ZOE CRICK: So, a little birdy told me that you went on a date last night.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Is this the same birdy that kept you informed about Jody's transmitter?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. [laughs] It's a birdy with a wide and varied range of interests. A renaissance birdy, if you will. So, how did it go?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, it was lovely!

ZOE CRICK: Really?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah! It was so funny. When she saw me, she flung her arms straight around me.

ZOE CRICK: Wow. Quick worker.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Turned out I looked just like her brother who's been missing since Day Zero.

ZOE CRICK: Oh.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah! So then she had a bit of a cry, and then she took me back to her room.

ZOE CRICK: Oh. More promising.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: To look at all these family albums she'd managed to save. It was really moving.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Then did you shag?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What? No! I look like her brother. That would be weird.

ZOE CRICK: So when you said it was lovely, you actually meant it was a complete disaster?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, she's a really nice person! I hope we can be friends.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Philip Cheeseman, what am I going to do with you?

BERNARD PRIOR: Hail, gentle listeners. Ahoy-hoy and aloha and welcome. Barricade those windows, sit back, crack open your ration packs, and get ready for muster. Point of interest, your intrepid raconteur Bernaldo has received many a missive about our upcoming change of tack. I am of course delighted to report that I've had a fair number of angry screeds lamenting the loss of my political insights.

For example, "Are you being silenced?" writes Heartbroken in Radial. Oh, Broken, I can assure you, Bernard will never be silenced by the Man! Or the Woman.

STEVE SISSAY: Hello, loves. Welcome back to A Guide to Effective Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution, an audio series with me, your explosive host, Steve Sissay. I'm going to be talking to you about one of my two favorite things, explosives. And perhaps you can have a guess at the other one while you listen to this.

TEVE SISSAY: So, time for a few basics. There are three ways to make an explosion. There's a chemical reaction. That's your old nitroglycerin, your Semtex, your C-4, all based on reactions that release a hell of a lot of energy. That's why we like to make sure we stand well back. Never return to a bomb once the fuse is lit. [laughs]

Then you have your pressure releases, gas canisters and so on. And of course, finally, we have nukes. Eh, fair enough, when that's the effect you want. But for my money, they lack intimacy. I don't like to be reckless. Well, I do like to be a little reckless sometimes. But when I do blow something up, I do like to feel the heat on my face. That's a lot less fun with a nuke.

STEVE SISSAY: I know what you're thinking. All right, sunshine, nice talk, but how do I get my paws on them? And for that, you're going to have to consider an age-old question: shop bought or homemade? Give it a ponder.

STEVE SISSAY: Okay, so you've decided you want the ready-mades first. Sensible choice for the busy saboteur on the run. So where are you going to get them? Everyone's first thought: Army bases! Only trouble with that? It was everyone's first thought. If you can find an Army munitions store that isn't cleared out or occupied, you're a better forager than me. And trust me, you're not a better forager than me. Besides, come a little closer. Let uncle Steven tell you a little something. There's someone out there who had a lot more explosives stock-piled than the Army. See if you can work out who it is during this.

STEVE SISSAY: [laughs] Okay, okay. No more suspense. Where's the best place to hunt down explosives? Well, loves, it's mines. Old mines! The mining industry used more explosives than anyone, and a lot of mines are abandoned with fully-stocked storerooms. So grab yourself a hard hat and go mining for your own treasure.  Fill your boots with lovely, lovely ammonium nitrate emulsions. Now be careful none of the cartridges are leaking, and maybe don't actually put them in your boots. Bring a metal box with you.

ZOE CRICK: Are those bags I can see under your eyes?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mm. [sips coffee] Maybe.

ZOE CRICK: They definitely are. And that's your third cup of coffee. Was someone out late last night?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes, fine. I was on a date last night.

ZOE CRICK: Ooh, and it was a late one!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, the weather's been so nice, I thought we could go for a moonlight picnic.

ZOE CRICK: Nice! You've got game.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but I think the game in question might be Ludo.

ZOE CRICK: Oh God, what happened?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, I thought it would be slightly less romantic if any zombies joined us for the picnic, so we did it inside Abel grounds.

ZOE CRICK: So far, so sensible.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I took Christine around the back of the strawberry fields. Only no one told me Janine had been using it as a training ground for new runners.

ZOE CRICK: Your date's still alive, right?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but we stumbled over this, uh, trap Janine had put on the path.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, bloody hell.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's okay. I saw it in time and shouted at her to mind out.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, thank goodness.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Only me shouting gave her such a shock, she tripped and fell in one of Janine's camouflaged pits. She broke her collarbone and her left leg. 

ZOE CRICK: It's like you've got this special talent for disaster.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mm. Maxine says she's going to be fine. She's in quite a lot of pain, though. I swapped all those Ordnance Survey maps I've been hoarding for enough morphine to see her through. But understandably, she's not that keen on seeing me. So, um... [sips coffee] this one's by way of an apology.

BERNARD PRIOR: And I have another communiqué here that begins "Mon Cher Bernard." Oh. Excuse me, listeners. This is perhaps my first frisky fanmail. I was warned this would happen, but it had actually been a longer wait than I understood was usual. Of course, in the interest of chivalry, I can't share most of it, but I will say thank you to – oh, let me see who it's from.

Oh. Goodness. Margot. Margot, I... Gosh. Listeners, I must inform you, in the interest of radio transparency, that I am blushing. Oh my. And there's a P.S. here. "I must tell you, Bernard, that although I suggested we should meet, it will be difficult as I am currently in Chalk Valley." Oh. Oh no.

STEVE SISSAY: You're listening to Steve Sissay, and this is A Guide to Effective Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution. That wasn't my first choice of title, by the way. I wanted to call the show Going Kaboom! With Steve Sissay. But um, yeah. Some people thought that was a little frivolous.

STEVE SISSAY: Now before I move on to talking about DIY explosions, I've had a letter from a listener. I'm broadcasting from a highly secret location, so there are really only a handful of people this could be from, listeners. I know who I hope it's from. [paper rustles] Ah yes. "Dear Steven, what is your favorite kind of explosion?" Well now, [laughs] I think that's a rather personal question, but I'll see if I can think of an answer suitable to broadcast during this song.

STEVE SISSAY: There is one kind of explosion I love maybe more than all the others. It's not one that has a lot of practical applications, but it is glorious. Say it with me: dust explosion. Have you ever seen a great pyrotechnic effect in a movie? The way the air seems to catch fire. That's not actually what it'd look like if you planted Semtex. But to get that beautiful effect, they often use the technique of suddenly igniting a high concentration of flammable particles in the air. 

Ever heard of a grain silo explosion? Same thing. Dust in the air suddenly catching light all at once. Beautiful. And often fatal. Not something you're often able to use to your advantage, but if there's a high concentration of organic particles in the air and you've got a suitable source of ignition, it could be time for a light show.

STEVE SISSAY: Back to DIY. Of course, it used to be that if you tried to leave your local DIY store with a trolley full of fertilizer and drain cleaner, you'd get your credit card details passed to GCHQ. Nowadays, it's easy pickings. Life's a lot simpler when you don't have to queue at the checkout. DIY downsize, or of course, fighting zombies in the aisles. Although I always feel if I'm going to fight zombies, a shop that sells chainsaws is the place to do it.

ZOE CRICK: So?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't.

ZOE CRICK: How did the date go?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know what you're asking. Don't.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, you can't tell me this one went badly. I spent weeks finding Lulu for you. She was your perfect woman. For God's sake, she even likes The Alan Parsons Project. Do you know rare that is in a person who's otherwise sane?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know. That was the problem. She was too perfect. Started worrying I was going to mess it up. So I chickened out and canceled the date.

ZOE CRICK: Okay. Well, that's pathetic, but not disastrous. You just need to arrange another one.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but the thing is... when I was radioing her to tell her I couldn't come, I couldn't think of an excuse, so um... I told her I had – [whispers] genital warts.

ZOE CRICK: You what?!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I panicked. It's the first thing I thought of.

ZOE CRICK: You needed an excuse, and that was the first thing that came to mind? No, don't tell me why. I don't want to know.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So obviously I can't ask her out now.

ZOE CRICK: But you don't have - 

[speaking simultaneously]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't say it! 

ZOE CRICK: - genital warts!

[speaking in turn]

ZOE CRICK: Okay, but you don't have the thing you won't let me say.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know.

ZOE CRICK: So tell her. Or I'll tell her. I mean, that's not a conversation I ever wanted to have, but for the sake of your love life, I'll do it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, thanks, but there's no point. My name is now indelibly associated in her mind with... that. It's bound to be a bit of a passion-killer.

ZOE CRICK: [sighs] I despair. All right, listeners, this one's for anyone out there who really is suffering from... that

BERNARD PRIOR: You know what I miss about the old days, listeners? Ah, so many things. The Times crossword. Not that old Bern completed more than a clue or two, and that was on a good day. But it was a comfort to know it was there. A stroll though the woods in autumn. A pot of cocoa with nutmeg on top. And call me a nostalgic old fool, but I do miss being able to visit long lost true loves without several sets of travel papers. You know, the simple things.

BERNARD PRIOR: Dearest friends, I have to confess, Bernard is no movie buff. I can enjoy a night at the flicks as much as anyone, of course. I have a soul. I can be moved. But I would not call myself a connoisseur of the art of the motion picture. However, I watched Jurassic Park last night, and I did find it rather jolly. And surprisingly, full of practical tips. Stay tuned. My full review after this.

BERNARD PRIOR: So, fateful friends, Jurassic Park. Quite the survival guide. Are there so many differences between a Tyrannosaurus rex and a large zombie? Maybe not. Should we all take the time to learn how to reboot a Unix system? Perhaps not all of us. That would surely be overkill.

But never underestimate taking a nerd of some description on your raiding party. Who knows when you'll need to break into a computerized system or reconfigure the power grid? Mr. Spielburg sending a worthwhile lesson to us all, I think. And as for philosophy, there was much to muse on. Life will find a way, eh, Mr. Goldblum? But whose life, ours or theirs? 

Jurassic Park was quite the timely reminder that our world has been a home to great change already. The seasons turn, as do the dominant species'. Bernie's rating: four shining stars. Heavens above. Now Amelia Spens, our glorious benefactor, tells me it's imperative I inform you that the VHS cassette of Jurassic Park is available to rent from Fort Canton General Stores for a modest fee.

STEVE SISSAY: I've had another letter. From the handwriting, this is from the same person, and uh – [paper rustles] Ah, yes. [laughs] You want to know about the explosions that aren't fit for broadcast? [laughs] Excuse me, listeners. I'm going to have to take this one off-air.

AMELIA SPENS: How's it going, Mr. B?

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh! A surprise visit, dear heart. How thoughtful. I reviewed a film. Did you hear?

AMELIA SPENS: I did. Excellent job. There is really no need to reference zombies so much. It's not like we're going to forget about them as we run from hordes of them, have to kill our loved ones who've turned into them, and scavenge for food in an unimaginable hellscape.

BERNARD PRIOR: I've not noticed you doing any of those things.

AMELIA SPENS: Well, of course not. I have no loved ones.

BERNARD PRIOR: Shrewd as ever.

AMELIA SPENS: Thank you. But please try and remember, people tune in to Fort Canton Today for escapism. Bread and circuses, B.

BERNARD PRIOR: That's all very well, but how about subjects relevant to peoples' lives?

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, like what? Another lecture on the thoughts of Desmond Hume?

BERNARD PRIOR: David Hume.

AMELIA SPENS: People have enough mortal threats to worry about without you boring them to death.

BERNARD PRIOR: How about some investigative journalism?

AMELIA SPENS: [sighs] What do you have in mind?

BERNARD PRIOR: A deep dive into the free movement of people.

AMELIA SPENS: I can't do anything about the wall.

BERNARD PRIOR: How about Chalk Valley?

AMELIA SPENS: Chalk Valley voted to take themselves out of our free state coalition. And if they don't want people from Radial moving there, we can't really let people from Chalk Valley go wherever they want, can we? They've made their position clear, and if they like isolation so much, let's leave them to it.

BERNARD PRIOR: Ahoy-hoy to thee, fragrant listeners. It is I, your genial host and humble servant, Bernard Prior, bringing you all you need to know about life in New – Fort Canton. Welcome once more to Fort Canton Today.

And hark, fellow Cantonians. I've had another missive from a treasured listener. In this particular case, the rather improbably named Quiffy Boy. Well met, young Quiffy, who writes, "Dear Bernard, are you really a fan of The Smiths, or were you joking? If it was a joke, please do not joke about such things. Morrissey and Marr were a genius combination, the like of which we will never see again. On the other hand, if you are a fan, please tell us your favorite track. Regards, Quiffy Boy."

Well now, young Quiffy, perhaps this tune will answer your plaintive query.

BERNARD PRIOR: I am, of course, just joking. I adore Manchester's finest export, [?]. My favorite track... well, what difference does it make? [laughs] And you know Quiffy, as a boy, I had a pet rat called Morrissey. And handsome black and brown fellow he was, and so smart, he could have been a city stockbroker. Quite the furry adventurer, always mounting bold escapes from his cage and going to terrify Father or other such derring-do. Quite the devilish rogue, he was.

So named because on several of his bids for freedom, he was caught snacking on Mother's gladioli. I gave him a Viking burial on the local pond when he finally passed. Such a sight. That flaming shoebox sinking beneath the pondweed brought a soulful tear to the eye of your genial host's teenage self. [sniffs]

BERNARD PRIOR: And you know something, patient listeners? I threw a nubbin of best-aged Stilton into that pond every year until I left home for the big bad world. Good night, sweet Morrissey the rat, wherever you are now. This one's for you.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, citizens. Thank you for tuning in to us today when we've got the beautiful and talented Jody Marsh back in the studio with us. She can knit a jumper like you wouldn't believe and has clocked some of the fastest times for the Macks Pharmacy run of any Abel runner.

JODY MARSH: Uh, thanks!

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Don't worry. He's been practicing compliments. [whispers] For his dates.

JODY MARSH: [whispers] Oh, I see.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [clears throat] Jody's here to talk about the political situation in our country today.

JODY MARSH: Am I?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh... yep. We're a nation divided along complicated social and political lines, and you're here to give Abel's perspective on the current situation?

JODY MARSH: Oh. Um, well, Zoe said she'd just run out of good jokes, and would I mind coming on the show and spouting any old nonsense for a few minutes until she thinks up some more?

ZOE CRICK: To be fair, that is actually a direct quote.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. Well, I don't think that's really a great use of Radio Name Pending's airtime, so we'll be back with some serious discussion right after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That song was chosen by Jody Marsh, former commander-in-chief of Abel Township, who's with us in the studio right now.

ZOE CRICK: Jody's here to talk about the current socioeconomic situation, apparently.

JODY MARSH: Uh, actually, I was thinking. I can bang on about Abel's side of things and Abel's version of the story until the cows come home, but the only people who'll believe me are the ones who already do.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's not true.

JODY MARSH: No, I think it is. So maybe I could just answer peoples' questions on Rofflenet? You can do that, right? Get people to send in questions?

ZOE CRICK: Oh, definitely. Although... if they're anything like the name suggestions we've had -

JODY MARSH: Well, I'll take the chance.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. All right, citizens. If you've got a question for Jody Marsh -

JODY MARSH: Any question at all, really.

ZOE CRICK: Any question broadcastable on a family show.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, send it to us on Rofflenet, and Jody'll answer you. In the meantime, have you got another tune for us, Jody?

JODY MARSH: Yeah. This is one that – actually, this one always makes me think of Runner Five, Abel's head of runners. Hope you enjoy it.

ZOE CRICK: Welcome back, listeners. And some of you have been very quick off the mark because we've got our first question for Jody Marsh, Abel Township's former commander-in-chief.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And the first question is... oh. Uh, I'm not sure I should read that.

JODY MARSH: I said I'd answer anything.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh it's, well... Okay. "Where do you get off fighting the Minister when all she wants to do is unite the country and get us back on our feet? You should be ashamed of yourself."

ZOE CRICK: I'm not sure there's actually much of a question in there.

JODY MARSH: No, there is. And it's a good one. Because what we're doing is creating more chaos than if we weren't doing it. If we just surrendered, the country would be more peaceful, but the thing is, it wouldn't be more free and it wouldn't be more fair. The price the Minister wants for peace is much too high. She won't settle for anything less than total obedience. And once she's got it, once she can do whatever she wants, you'll find out what she's really like.

Whoever you are that asked that question, you've only seen her nice face because right now, you're not a threat to her. But step out of line and you'll see the Sigrid we here at Abel have known all along: the monster who can kill and torture without conscience. That's why we don't surrender, why we'll never surrender. We want to save anyone else from having to face that monster.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly right. Jody'll be back to answer more questions right after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ah, thank God. This is a much nicer question. "Jody, if you could go back to the world before the zombies for just one day, what would you do?

JODY MARSH: I'd spend it with my family.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, that's a rubbish answer.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Zoe!

ZOE CRICK: No, but I mean, we'd all spend it with our families. Of course we would. I mean, apart from people who had really awful families, and they'd probably spend it with their friends. But what would you actually do? One day, the old world, no zoms. The world's your oyster.

JODY MARSH: Okay. I need to have a think about that.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't go anywhere, citizens!

[taronfanfic]

ABER

Masterlist

Chapter 5

Following Taron into the bar was nerve-racking. It felt like everyone turned to look at you to see who you were and what you were wearing. This definitely wasn’t your scene. You copied Taron, taking a glass of champagne from the tray the waitress was holding and taking a large sip, hoping the alcohol would give your self-confidence the boost it desperately needed. Taron moved further into the room, smiling confidently and casting warm hello’s at everyone he passed on the way. You followed closely behind and kept your head down, avoiding making eye contact with anyone in case you were accidentally drawn into a group conversation without him.

“Hey! Great to see you again, thanks so much for inviting me down tonight!” Taron greeted the film director who was dressed casually, unlike everyone else in the room.

“Glad you could make it, and bring a friend too.” The director looked over to you and reached out to shake your hand.

“This is Y/N, she’s a very old friend of mine who is accompanying me for a few months and writing some pieces for her blog along the way.”

“Hello.” Was all you could offer as you shook his hand quickly and then returned to your drink, mentally cursing Taron for making you sound better than you actually were.

“You’re a blogger? How fantastic. What sort of things do you write about?” He asked with interest.

“Oh, erm… I’ve only just started really so I don’t think I’ve found my niche yet. Anything and everything.”

“Right, right. Well best of luck with it!” That was that, the conversation moved very swiftly back to Taron, the film, friends and colleagues they had in common. From the sounds of things Taron didn’t need to be doing any schmoozing, he was well in there! You finished your drink and got hold of a second glass, enjoying your position in the dark corner of the room and how it gave you the perfect vantage point for people watching. Picking out the +1’s was easy; there were the bored husbands eyeing up the waitresses, the even more bored girlfriends who were just there for the photo opportunities, and then there was you, mentally writing a truthful blog post about how events like these are a pretentious waste of time.

“See, told you it wouldn’t be that bad.” Taron returned his attention to you as the film director was distracted with a new arrival, but you didn’t get him to yourself for long.

“Taron! Long time, no see.” Another random man appeared and pulled Taron in for a hug. “How are you doing?”

“Yeah man, I’m good, things are good. This is Y/N, she’s travelling with me for a few months whist she works on her debut novel.”

“What!?” You almost choked on your champagne as Taron introduced you with a line of utter bullshit. He gave you a wicked smile as the man turned his attention to you and let out an impressed noise.

“Author, eh? What’s an intelligent girl like you doing with this idiot then?” He joked.

“I was in need of inspiration for one of my characters who’s a bit thick between the ears and Taron was the first person who came to mind.” You replied, feeling pleased with your comeback and casting a smug smile back to Taron.

“Oh she’s good!” He replied to Taron. “I’ve got to run, but enjoy the rest of your evening and we’ll go for a beer soon!”

“Nicely done, dickhead. You can go and get me another drink for dropping me in it like that.” You pushed your shoulder into the side of Taron’s arm disgruntledly.

“That was an impressive comeback though, get thinking of some more because this game is going to become very amusing.” He walked off to get two more drinks and you were left rolling your eyes. Of course this was a game; throw you into a conversation with no warning about what your job title might be and see if you can bullshit your way back out of it! You worked your way around the room and survived being a chef, a nurse and even the least flexible yoga instructor in the world. The more ridiculous Taron made the jobs and the more champagne entered your system the easier things became. You were well past the point of caring what people thought and genuinely enjoying the in-joke Taron had created.

“I’m gonna make you an offer.” You placed your hand to Taron’s shoulder and pulled him back from approaching the next group of people. “I’ll introduce myself this time, and if I can make you laugh with my job title and survive the interrogation about it, we can leave straight after and get back to the hotel.”

“I think that’s a fair deal. You’ve been very impressive so far, passed with flying colours in the art of bullshitting.” 

“I’ve learnt from the best.” You confidently left Taron behind and approached a group of 4 men, slotting straight into their circle and introducing yourself. “Hi, I’m Y/N, I’m here with Taron tonight” You stepped to the side to allow him to join the group. “I work for the UK Space Agency and we’re on the same fitness programme at the moment.” You looked across to Taron who was struggling not to spit his drink out.

“Oh wow, so what is it you’re in training for?” The man to your left asked straight away.

“I’ll be going up to the international space station in a couple of months.” You nodded back before casting a smug look in Taron’s direction as he covered his mouth with his hand in an attempt to stop himself from laughing. The conversation continued for another 5 minutes with you being quizzed on how this linked in to the film industry and what scientific experiments you’d be completing on the space station. Thankfully Taron jumped in to save you just as you started to get the giggles.

“Our car is outside so we’ll have to leave you to enjoy the rest of your night.” He took hold of your hand and led you out the bar, bursting into laugher as soon as you were both outside.

“The international space station!?”

“Why settle for the ordinary?” You giggled back, not letting go of Taron’s hand as you made the short walk back to the hotel.

Back in your room you slipped your heels from your feet and revelled in the comfort of the flat floor as you collected a glass of water. The top three buttons of Taron’s shirt were open as he started to walk towards you. His fingers lifted the top of the glass out of your grip and placed it down on the table. He hadn’t said anything yet and you were left watching him closely, wondering why he wouldn’t let you sober up.

“Confidence looks sexy on you.” He spoke softly and you immediately dropped his eye contact, focusing instead on the skin of his chest and the heat from his body as he moved inside your personal space. His lips pressed firmly to yours as his fingertips paused on the side of your neck and softened your urges to resist him. The feel of his mouth slowly opening had you mirroring his move, your tongue waiting to feel his and responding quickly when it did. It was so long since you’d last kissed someone like this that you were desperate to keep it going, fearful that Taron would pull away and have a face full of regret. His hand lowered from your neck across your shoulder and down your arm, taking hold of your hand and guiding it down to his crotch, making you feel his erection through his trousers. All those images of regret disappeared from your mind and were replaced with nothing but filth. He wanted you, he was ready for you, and your throbbing core was firmly taking control of your actions.

As you gripped at his length through the fabric you felt him pause the kiss, an involuntary moan filling your mouth instead as Taron started to pull back.

“Don’t you dare leave me hanging tonight.” He warned as he opened his shirt, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Which version of me would you prefer? The author, the astronaut… probably the nurse but I’m afraid I don’t have the outfit.” You teased back as you moved his shirt off his shoulders and ran your hands down his chest.

“No outfits needed for what we’re about to do…” his words stirred up a stronger fire in the pit of your stomach. You’d spent all night pretending to be anyone other than yourself but in that moment you could only be you. The wave of confidence you were riding was something else, allowing you to drop your dress to the floor in front of Taron and press your body tightly up against his as you kissed him seductively. “Get on the bed.” He ordered as he dropped his trousers to the floor and collected a condom. Eyeing up his body was instinctive as he walked round the room in his tight boxers. The champagne fuelled haze block out your negative thoughts, leaving nothing but lust and desire. You discarded your underwear off the side of the bed then lowered your back down to the mattress as Taron prowled over you. A powerful kiss to your lips matched his strong gip on your thigh as he pushed your leg further to the side so he could position his hips. Everything burnt with pleasure as he thrust into you with deliberate power. It was fast and desperate. Your body rocking against his as you let him take you from above. Groans and moans left his open mouth as he worked towards his release. There was a moment when you caught him smiling down at you, enjoying the fact that he was the one making you screw your face up in pleasure. You couldn’t help it though, he felt amazing. With every thrust your body responded, screaming out in delight. The fast pace was relentless, his hips slamming into your frame over and over as he filled your core. Your orgasm shot round your body sooner than you’d have liked but Taron didn’t seem to care. He slowed his rhythm and worked you through it with skill before coming shortly after.

“Y’know, I don’t think I fancy another night on the sofa.” You turned over to face Taron as he got into bed beside you after cleaning up.

“I’d be pretty offended if you did after that!” He reached out and pulled you in closer to his side.

“I’ve had a lot of fun tonight, thank you.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” He kissed you a sweet goodnight and you happily settled down against his arm.

Tag List: @egerton-sweetie @amanda-tallmadge @lizziespidiepridie​ @leanimal90 @anantheminmyheart22 @aynsleywalker @bohemianrhapsody86 @butterfliesslugswormsandothershi @manners-maketh-taron

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Getting To Know...

Em Hoggett.

Em Hoggett is a British singer-songwriter, actress and producer based in Los Angeles. A trained classical pianist since the age of 4, Em holds ATCL (Associate Diploma) and LTCL (Licentiate Diploma) diplomas in Piano Performance. Em has performed with renowned concert pianist Lang Lang at the Royal Festival Hall (London), the Fazioli Concert Hall (Italy) and other notable venues in the UK.

Em began writing songs at 13 while attending a performing-arts high school in London. She attended the Purcell School of Music in England for two years to train as a jazz singer and study music technology and producing. Although awarded a scholarship to attend Berklee College of Music in Boston, Em pursued her passion for acting and moved to New York in 2015 to attend the American Academy of Dramatic Arts.

Em was raped when she was 16.

But she didn't tell anyone what had happened for a long time.

At 18, after an amazing first semester at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, Em suddenly felt depressed when she returned home to London for Christmas. In returning to the place where the attack happened, so did her memories. She hoped that feeling would fade on her return to New York. It didn’t. After successfully suppressing the rape for years, it suddenly took over her life. It consumed her thoughts by day and haunted her dreams at night. It was then, after her mum suggested she write a letter to her attacker to get her feelings out, that she wrote the song 'What I Want to Say to You'. She shared the song with the world to try and make herself feel better, to make her family and friends aware of what had happened to her and to help other survivors. The response she received was amazing but Em was still consumed by darkness, which she believes was the result of two years of suppressed emotion all coming out at once.

During that time she wrote two more songs – 'Anger', and 'Will It Always Be Like This' and began to feel better. In 2017 Em moved to LA and was doing great until the Harvey Weinstein news broke and, during that time, other triggering events happened both in the media and her personal life. She was close to a complete breakdown, at which point she wrote a fourth song – 'Get Out'. These four songs make up the What I Want to Say to You EP.

Since moving to Los Angeles, Em formed her production company, Enfyrian Images, with partner Umar Malik. Enfyrian Images aim to tell important stories, give a voice to the voiceless and bring awareness and insight to relevant and underrepresented topics. They have produced a number of short films and recently produced two shows at the Hollywood Fringe Festival 2018 that Em stars in.

Ticket sales and net proceeds from the sale of the EP are donated to charities including It’s On Us (USA), founded by President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden, and Rape Crisis UK and Wales.

We had a chat with Em to hear more about her story, the #MeToo movement, what she plans on doing next and more. Read it below.

Hi Em, the story behind your new EP What I Want To Say To You is heart-breaking yet incredibly inspiring. You must be so proud of yourself for battling your demons and coming through the other side stronger than ever.

"It was a tough process to say the least. It took years to be able to speak about my rape, but doing so literally changed my life. One of the purposes of the EP is to try and encourage others to speak out, because for me, telling my story and receiving support were essential components to begin acceptance and healing. I am very proud of the EP and so happy that it has to been able to make an impact on others. Music has been the most incredible tool to help me heal and express. Writing the songs was a way to heal, but releasing them was a way to help others in their healing. It’s amazing that something which I used to help me has the power to help so many others too. It helps you to see that we are not alone."

Knowing that you've helped so many people through sharing your music must be an incredible feeling.

"Receiving messages from survivors explaining how the songs have helped or inspired them is incredible. It reminds me why I’m doing what I’m doing and to keep speaking my truth. It is not easy to sing those songs and speak in interviews about my experience so frequently, but I believe it is helping people. One survivor messaged me saying the songs had given her the courage to take her attacker to the police. This was absolutely amazing. One woman said she was looking for a reason to stay alive and that the music video had helped her. Reading those kinds of messages is incredibly touching, reminds me why I am doing this and how important this work is."

What are your thoughts on the #MeToo movement? What do you believe might be missing in the equation?

"It is fantastic that the #MeToo moment happened. It has been so necessary to see how many people this really affects (although I’m sure there are still many women and men living in silence).

"The #MeToo movement did an incredible job at highlighting the horrific amount of people this affects. But, people can easily turn a blind eye to statistics and numbers.  Music has an incredible power to make you feel something. It is such an organic way to connect, human being to human being. The ability of music to enable you to actually FEEL someone’s pain leaves a lasting impact. It has the power to make people take action. It would be incredible to see more art coming out on the subject and to see that being accepted by society. A song about rape should be no less accepted than a song about heartbreak because it happens just as frequently."

The title track of the EP 'What I Want To Say To You' comes with a very powerful and moving video. Tell us a bit more about how that all came together.

"We wanted to release a video at the same time as the EP. We had a TIGHT deadline to get it done before the date. Literally a matter of days. My incredible partner, Umar Malik, and I sat down and talked for hours about what I wanted this to be. Once the story was devised, we went through a crazy pre-production process. We had to find the locations, crew, and cast (which was a LOT of people) in the space of a day. We only got our makeup artist at midnight the day before. Both of us slept for about three hours, woke up and did a 14-hour shoot. It was crazy, but the result is incredible. The shoot itself was truly one of the best days of my life. The energy on set was amazing. Everyone was so friendly and funny, which was nice as it was such a sensitive topic. Many of the cast were real survivors; it was incredibly powerful."

Let's talk a little bit about your background. You're a classically trained pianist since age 4 and having been writing songs since 13. What was it that drew you to music initially?

"We had a piano in our home and, apparently, I just sat down at four-years-old and asked to have lessons. I instantly took to it and that was that. I was performing as a classical pianist throughout my whole childhood and took my first degree in piano by the time I was 11. I later became interested in writing songs and soon found it was a complete passion of mine. Music has been a huge part of my life, so when my mum told me to ‘write a letter to my attacker’, as a way to heal, that naturally came in writing in song. That song is 'What I Want To Say To You', the title track from the EP. Music has saved my life on multiple occasions."

Finally, what's next for Em Hoggett? Is activism something you'll always want to go hand in hand with your music?

"I have a second album ready to go! I am hoping to get back in the studio as soon as possible, so I’m really excited. I’m not sure that I’d say every song is coming from an activist point of view, but I will say that all of the songs mean a great deal to me, and they have all helped me to find clarity in moments of overwhelming emotion."

What I Want To Say To You is available now.

[coppicefics]

Masked Omens: Week Three

New chapter here, or read from the start here!

(Right click picture and select ‘View Image’ or ‘Open Image In New Tab’ for hi-res version.)

[Image Description: Image 1 - A simple rendition of the Masked Singer UK logo, a golden mask with colourful fragments flying off of it. The mask has a golden halo and a golden devil tail protruding from either side. Below, gold text reads ‘Masked Omens’.

Image 2 - A page from the Entertainment section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 9th January, 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

The Capital Herald - Saturday, 9th January, 2021 Entertainment

Main story: SECOND SABLE BRAND AMBASSADOR ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL Stunned fans phone in to save the day as model collapses during charity fundraising challenge Model and social media influencer Adam Mann, 29, was rushed to hospital on Friday night after he collapsed during a live webstream. Worried fans alerted the authorities and an ambulance was dispatched to Mann's Kensington home at approximately 8pm last night. Mann's representatives have yet to release a statement, but a source close to him told The Capital Herald that Mann had been feeling unwell for some time. “He's been out of sorts for ages,” she admitted, “and when I looked up the symptoms online, it said it was probably malnutrition. I told him, it's that diet he's on. But Adam wouldn't listen.” Mann is a brand ambassador for Dr Raven Sable's diet and lifestyle products. Earlier this month, another Sable ambassador, Lilith Root, checked into an in-patient facility to begin treatment for an eating disorder. Sable's representatives have so far declined to comment on either incident, despite repeated invitations to do so. Mann is a  dedicated charity campaigner, often urging his peers in the modelling industry to raise awareness and funds using the wry social media hashtag #NotJustAPrettyFace. In the few years since he rose to prominence, he has supported hundreds of charities ranging from local foodbank initiatives to global human rights and animal welfare concerns. “It‘s so like Adam,” our source told us, “to literally collapse in the middle of trying to help someone else. He always puts himself last. I really, really hope he’s OK.” It’s a sentiment that’s been echoed in Twitter threads and on message boards across the internet - including in the comments of Mann’s most recent Instagram post, which was uploaded just an hour before the livestream started. “Ready to take some questions, have some fun and raise some cash for a great cause,” said the caption. “Please Adam, look after yourself and get well soon. You’re so thin in this photo :( xxxx” replied a user  with the handle @adamfann95, three hours later. Similar messages soon followed as news of Mann’s condition spread. At the time of Mann’s collapse, his charity livestream had raised over £15,000 for Lionheart, a charity dedicated to the care and protection of lions and other wild animals who’ve been illegally kept as pets. Since then, fans have continued to make donations in his name, and the charity is now set to receive over £38,000. “We wish Adam a very speedy recovery, and we hope he knows he’s  always welcome to visit us at the Lionheart Sanctuary,” said Noah Shipman, the charity’s founder and chairman. “Thank you to all those who’ve donated; we firmly believe that these animals belong outside, not cooped up between four walls or in someone’s garden. Just like us, they like to roam! Thank you for helping us to save those poor creatures who’ve been put in a horrible position through no fault of their own.” At time of writing, there has been no update on Mann’s condition. MARY HODGES. [Image Description: a close-up of biblical Adam biting the apple, taken from the Good Omens TV show. End ID.] TAKEN ILL: Adam Mann, pictured above in an ad campaign for Dr Raven Sable’s CHOW nutritional lifestyle regime, was admitted to hospital on Friday evening (Image: QuiteUnlikely.net)

Centre left: Memory Lane: Tip from the Top The gunge plunge was a child's idea of justice, but it worked. They don't make children's telly like they used to. Before Peppa Pig and Shaun the Sheep, there was Superted and Maid Marian and Her Merry Men. Those shows have had their time, changed the genre for the better, and been consigned to history – and there's certainly an argument for reviving them. But one children's show that's going to be hard to replace is my old favourite, Tip from the Top. Hosted by Blue Peter alum Pat Maputi, the show was based on a simple, winning format; kids competed to score points, win prizes, and ultimately get the opportunity to drop their least favourite parent, guardian, teacher, or other adult into a pool of gunge and goo. Named for the chair that tilted forward and dislodged the unfortunate adult seated on it, the show might have been nothing more than a simple gameshow curiosity, but its concept of offering redress for the many perceived slights inflicted on kids by grown-ups made it a real treasure. To children of my generation, it was like a little revolution; when we were sent to our rooms unjustly, when we were kept behind after class, when we were made – horror of all horrors – to tidy our rooms, Tip from the Top offered the tantalising prospect of justice. Of course, all the adults on the show had agreed to be there, accepting the risk of being plunged into a thick layer of green slime. Pat Maputi was in league with the detention-givers and the room-senders all along. But as children, we didn't realise that; to us, Tip from the Top was the highest possible Court of Appeal. And for that, it will always be remembered fondly. Sadly, Tip from the Top was cancelled in 2000, a new millennium bringing a new wave of children's television to our screens. The focus of children’s programming began to shift towards a more fiction-heavy schedule, and some undoubtedly excellent shows came out of it. But perhaps, even after all these years, a reboot might not be too much to hope for – after all, children these days must have just as many complaints about their adult overlords as we did, back then. Clearly, somebody needs to give Pat a call and set the wheels of justice in motion once more. SARAH JEUNE. Memory Lane is our regular feature, looking back at the books, shows and films of yesteryear through a nostalgic lens. Do you miss something you’d like to see featured? Just send the show name (plus channel and airdates if you know them) in an email to: memorylane@capitalherald.co.uk - your prayers might just be answered!

Centre right: The Masked Singer Continues Did I really have a life before the live shows? It's only week three of The Masked Singer UK's first ever live series, and already I've forgotten what I used to do with my Saturday nights before it was on. Is it just me, or is anybody else having funny turns on the Tube, squinting suspiciously at strangers and wondering, “could it be you?” Of course, the likelihood of running into Apple, Axolotl, Black Cat, Bonfire, Goose, Pony, Snake, Squid, Sword or Teapot on my morning commute is vanishingly small, and they'd be unlikely to give themselves away if I did see them. But after a Saturday night spent hunting for the slightest clues and rummaging through my own brain for names, it's hard to turn those instincts off come Monday morning. Everybody seems to have a theory, of course, even at this early stage. My postman claims Apple has to be a tech mogul, my colleagues have a betting pool on which character turns out to be a former member of Blazin' Squad, and my dentist waited until she'd got the little mirror in my mouth to ask me if I thought Pony walked like a minister, whatever that means. Me? I have a few wild guesses, but I'd prefer to keep them to myself until we have a little more to go on. Many of our readers, I'm delighted to report, have far more faith in their own guessing ability, and we've collected some of the most interesting responses from the comments section of our website on the page opposite. Give it a read and tell us what you think – your comment might be featured next week! In the meantime, let me recap what we do know. Bell was unmasked in the first week, and turned out to be Sergeant Shadwell, a former soldier turned YouTuber. I am assured by my more online colleagues that he's known for debunking conspiracy theories, whatever urban exploration is, and occasionally looking for ghosts. Then, last week, we met and said goodbye to Ninja, who turned out to be none other than Esther James, England women's rugby captain. I never would have guessed, and I'm quite keen on rugby; identifying someone by their singing voice alone is much harder than it seems! I may not know who this year's contestants are, but I know I'll be on the edge of my seat all night waiting to find out. I'll be tuning in tonight for  another live show; if you join me, don't forget to get in touch and tell us your best theories! EDWARD BIGGS. The Masked Singer UK will air live tonight at 7pm on ITV. Contact us via our website or at: entertainment@capitalherald.com to share your thoughts and guesses. Ad (bottom third of the page): [Image Description: A banner ad with a black background. On the right is a photograph of Agnes Nutter as seen in Good Omens, demonstrating some serious side-eye. Overlaid is Agnes Nutter’s signature, followed by the words ‘DS member & Author’. On the left, bright yellow-green figures demonstrating various exercises - a football goalie making a save, a gymnast balancing on their hands, and a weightlifter - surround the main text. End ID.] Have you been skipping leg day? Come on down to DIVINATION STATION [the words ‘Divination Station’ are a graffiti-style logo] where fitness is fun! www.divinationstation.com

[klstheword]

In the pecking order of Christmas stories, A Christmas Carol is second only to the baby Jesus. Even if you’ve never read it, or had it read to you, you know about that flinty-hearted miser Ebenezer Scrooge and his redemption during one long dark night of the soul.

Bill Murray, Albert Finney, Michael Caine and Alastair Sim have all played Scrooge in one of the endless film remakes and reboots there have been over the years. Now comes the story behind the story, The Man Who Invented Christmas: a heavily fictionalised biopic with Dan Stevens playing Charles Dickens, bashing out A Christmas Carol in six weeks after contracting a nasty dose of writer’s block in 1843. Thanks to the success of Oliver Twist, Dickens is literary-rock-star famous. But at 31, after a handful of flops, he has a gnawing anxiety that his powers are on the wane. And with four kids, another baby on the way and debts piling up, he needs to make some serious cash, fast.

The film is a Quality Street treat for the holidays, with a gooey sweet centre – daft but immensely likable, and performed with pantomime gusto by a top-notch cast. Dickens yomps about London, meeting people who inspire the creation of Scrooge, Tiny Tim and the gang. These characters then literally come to life in his study as he writes, and they’re an unruly bunch, ruthlessly mocking his failure to finish his comeback. (Christopher Plummer is terrific as Scrooge.)

And with his flamboyant star turn as Dickens, there’s Stevens, a man who finally looks to be laying to rest his own ghost of Christmas past. Cast your mind back to 2012, when the shock death in the Downton Abbey Christmas special of his beloved character Matthew Crawley had the faithful crying into their sherry glasses.

Unlike many actors, Stevens is not at all uptight when chatting about the character who made him famous. Nevertheless, in the past five years, he has done everything possible to distance himself from Crawley, the interloping heir to the Downton pile. He has cross-dressed in the cult favourite Vimeo show High Maintenance, murdered with psychopathic charm in The Guest, freaked out on the Marvel TV spin-off Legion and locked up Emma Watson in Beauty and the Beast. He even looks different these days. Gone is the floppy blond hair, and the once boyish face is chiselled into sharp angles. Stevens credits the weight loss to moving to New York where he finds it easier to look after himself, working out at the gym and cutting out dairy.

Different, too, has been the reception granted Stevens’s post-Downton work. A pleasantly surprised tone crept into reviews, a perceptible sound of critics retracting knives and grudgingly acknowledging that, oh hang on, he’s actually a bit good, isn’t he? Stevens throws his head back laughing when asked how he feels about this change in critical fortunes. “It’s interesting. You do one show that goes everywhere, and people associate you with that. Do I think Downtown is my best work? Probably not. But if people enjoy it, or if that’s what they think of when they think of me, so be it. It served me well.” If he is offended by the question, he is too polite to say. Dan Stevens is scrupulously polite, so careful with his words that he often leaves you wondering what he really thinks.

Stevens studied English at Cambridge and was a Booker prize judge in 2012, reading 146 novels in seven months (the Downton costume team stitched secret pockets into his jackets for his Kindle). But he shrugs when I ask about historical accuracy, or the lack of it, in his latest film. (The Man Who Invented Christmas has been criticised by experts for, among other things, the inaccurate size of its newspaper headlines.) “Frankly, whether it’s historically accurate I’m not that concerned about. I was interested in that moment of the creative process, watching a great man struggle – to me, that’s dramatically and comedically interesting. Certainly I was keen not to play Dickens as a bearded old sage.”

He tells me that one of his co-stars, Miriam Margolyes, has a theory that Dickens was bipolar. Does Stevens buy that? “It’s a very interesting interpretation. I think there’s something to be said for it…” he tails off.

Needless to say, the film does not dwell on Dickens’s iffy relationships with women. (A year before publishing A Christmas Carol, he had this to say about his wife in a letter to a friend: “Catherine is as near being a donkey as one of her sex can be.”) “I think he was a good father and a terrible husband,” Stevens says diplomatically. “But yeah, I think it being a Christmas film, we wanted it to be fairly full of laughter. I don’t wish to take anything away from the man, and therefore you have to address the dark side of his nature and his work. There were moments when he was bleak and depressive. But I think there were moments when he was great fun to be around, very silly and playful.” I must say that, having watched the film, I’m still none the wiser about which yuletide customs Dickens has bragging rights on. Pudding, definitely. Turkey? Mistletoe?

Stevens loves Christmas, unironically, in a full-on, festive jumpers and stockings-hanging-on-the-fireplace kind of way. “I always have. Our house is pretty lively at Christmas,” he says. He is married to the singer Susie Hariet and they have three children. Family festivities at their gaff kick off on Christmas Eve, watching The Muppet Christmas Carol. Who does the cooking? “My mum and I usually team up. We’re quite a formidable duo in the kitchen.”

Stevens is well-spoken but not as posh as he seems. Now 35, he was adopted at seven days old, and raised in Wiltshire, Essex and Brecon in Wales. He spent his early teenage years rebelling against anything and everything, but still got the grades to win a scholarship to a prestigious boys’ boarding school in Kent at 13. He wasn’t happy, feeling isolated and as if he didn’t fit in with the other kids. What was going on? “I dunno. I guess I didn’t always toe the line,” he answers a tad testily, and with a definite air of finality.

I mention that going to a top university from a comprehensive, I always felt envious of the privately educated kids who never questioned whether they were talented enough to be in the room. “The entitlement thing is a problem,” Stevens says. “It’s interesting, living in America and seeing a different system. It’s definitely got as many flaws, but there is a sense that your own achievement and drive and curiosity can achieve great things, in a way that I think is stifled in Britain.”

By the time he landed Downton, Stevens had already toured the US opposite Rebecca Hall in a production of As You Like It, and appeared on stage in the West End with Judi Dench. Did he feel any disgruntlement at the time – being a Serious Actor suddenly lumped in with a Sunday night soap opera? He shakes his head: “I never felt that people weren’t taking me seriously. I did appreciate that some people were watching Downton with a kind of ironic appreciation – perhaps the Guardian readership particularly…” he shoots me a grin, adding: “and my friends, too. But no. There was no resentment. I still see a lot of the guys. It changed all of our lives. It had a seismic effect on all our careers.”

It goes without saying that appearing in a show watched by 12 million people opened doors that appearing in off-Broadway Shakespeare never could. But as soon as he left the show he bolted for New York. What was that all about? Did the comparisons to the young Hugh Grant scare him out of the country? “No! I was just very excited about the work I was afforded over there. People there were prepared to see me do something dark and weirder. Or something action-y and mental. Or something big and silly, like Night at the Museum. It couldn’t have turned out better.”

As for Dickens, he got his instant classic. A Christmas Carol sold out its first run of 6,000 copies before Christmas Eve. The tale melted hearts of even the most dyed-in-the-wool cynics – one American businessman gave his staff an extra day’s holiday. Not that Dickens made the killing he’d hoped for. After getting carried away with gilt lettering and fancy paper, he never trousered the £1,000 he had banked on. God bless us, every one.

The Man Who Invented Christmas is out in the US; released in the UK on 1 December