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peakyswritings · 1 month ago

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Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

PART XII

Summary: After what happened during the engagement party, Tommy and Nina allow themselves to indulge in their feelings for one another. But they must not forget dangerous games end in blood.

Warnings: time-typical misogyny, talks of arranged marriage, talks of forced marriage, mentions of killing, mentions of sex, threats, violence, injuries, angst, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s). This is set between season 1 and 2. English is not my first language.

A/N: as always, some conversations are supposed to be in Italian but for obvious reasons I kept them in English.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

SERIES MASTERLIST

Gif credits

Dividers credits

The uncertain light of dawn showed through the lace curtains of the window, casting patterns on the walls of Nina’s bedroom. She was resting with her head on Tommy’s chest, lulled by the sound of his heartbeat, as his fingertips delicately traced her spine.

He had kept his promise. After the engagement party, after everyone had gone to bed, he had knocked on her door, ever so softly, to make sure no one else would hear. And she had let him in. How could she say no to those fleeting moments when they were all they could ever have? How could she deprive herself of them when she knew that Tommy would be taken from her so soon?

It scared her how much she needed him. Try as she might, she couldn’t fathom how it could be possible that she, who had never needed anyone, needed him. Tommy had awakened something dormant inside of her that she couldn’t keep under control. It made her vulnerable, it made her weak, it made her unreasonable. And then there was that absurd certainty that they hadn’t met each other, they had recognised each other. Although Nina had never believed in destiny, she was sure that her soul knew him before she did. There was an invisible string, no matter how tangled, that had always tied her to him.

“What did you do to me, Tommy Shelby?” she whispered, drawing circles on the bare skin of his abdomen. “I’m yours, now.”

Here it comes. The last of the walls Nina had so carefully built around herself over the years tumbled down. But it didn’t happen with a crash. No loud noise, no earthquake. The fall was silent.

I’m yours. Heart, body and soul.

Tommy threaded his fingers through her long locks. “No,” his chest vibrated against her ear as he spoke, a bitter melancholy lacing his words. “You’re not mine.”

A silence heavy with resignation fell between them. Tommy was right, he’d never be able to call her his and she’d never be able to call him hers. Not in the actual sense, at least. But in her heart Nina knew that a part of her would always belong to him, no matter how far away they would be.

Tommy took her hand in his, lifting it to slowly weave their fingers together. “What will you do?” he asked, and he didn’t need to say more for Nina to understand what he meant.

She pondered her answer. What would she do? Could she really go back to the life she had before, as if Tommy were never there? Could he really become just a distant memory? No. Nothing could ever be the same. Not after what he had left her. He had taught her feelings she was sure would never belong to her. He had filled the empty spot she didn’t even know she had inside her heart. He would always be a part of her.

“I’ll figure it out,” she just said. But her words echoed with the shadow of something unsaid, a silent worry that he caught nonetheless.

“What if they make you marry him?”

“They won’t.”

“What if they do?”

She didn’t reply.

“I can’t stand and watch you marry that bastard.”

“If it comes to that, you probably won’t be here to watch,” she cracked a joke, but Tommy’s expression stayed serious. She shifted to lay on her stomach, raising her head from his chest to look at him. “It won’t happen,” she said, slightly shaking her head. “I’ll find a way.” She tried to keep her voice steady in her attempt to reassure him, but even to her ears it sounded too uncertain to hold any real belief.

Tommy brought his hand to cup her face, his thumb gently stroking her skin. “If you don’t, you come to me, understand?”

“Tommy…” Nina shook her head, trying to move away from him, but his grip slightly tightened to make her look at him.

“You come to me,” he repeated. “Write a letter, jump on a fucking boat, anything. I’ll help you. You just need to reach out.” His blue eyes stared deep in hers as he spoke, a silent promise shining in them. I’ll protect you.

It was wishful thinking. She knew it, he knew it. But apparently the thought of being able to do something about it made it more bearable for both of them.

“Alright,” she conceded, resting with her head on his chest again. Tommy seemed to catch that subtle way to tell him she didn’t want to talk about that possibility anymore, cause he dropped the matter. Nina was glad for it. She didn’t want to spend the last minutes they had for themselves talking about Stefano.

Looking up at him, she found herself once again captured by his beauty. She remembered how the first time she had properly looked at him, it had seemed to her that every feature, every detail had been carved out of marble by a sculptor whose intent was to make something perfect. She traced her finger along the small scar under his chin. If someone had told her she’d end up thinking stuff like that, she wouldn’t have believed them.

A sigh lifted Tommy’s chest. “I really wanted it to be you,” he whispered. He kept his eyes fixated on the ceiling, as if the sudden sincerity of his words had made him too vulnerable, and he needed to put some distance between himself and her gaze to feel less exposed.

Those words felt like a knife going through her heart. Me too, she thought to herself. But she didn’t dare say it.

“I would’ve made your life hell,” she said instead, letting out a half chuckle, but there was no humour in it. Just a painful longing.

“I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”

Sitting at her desk, Nina fidgeted with her pen, staring at the white page in front of her. Tommy had left less than an hour ago, and she hadn’t been able to find it in herself to go downstairs and face another day. For a while, she needed to be alone with her thoughts.

Her father’s words still echoed in her mind. What do you want to do with your life? The previous day she hadn’t been able to give him an honest answer. She wasn’t even sure she knew what the exact answer was. Or maybe she knew, but that answer was something she couldn’t understand, let alone explain.

It had to do with the stillness. It was all around her: in the house, in the village, in people. It was as if the clock had stopped working somewhere in time, trapping all of them into a flat, motionless dimension they weren’t aware of. Every action, every event was part of a script they didn’t need to read, cause it was rooted in their very being. Inside that stillness, her mind couldn’t find rest. She wanted to do. Something, anything. There was a restlessness inside her, an urge, a yearning. An itch. The itch to destroy everything, to blow everything up. To tear herself apart and put the pieces back together in a different way. To dismantle and rebuild. To step outside the imaginary door that stood between her and the world, to leap into the void. To let go of the fear of the unknown. To be brave. To act. Not to submit.

Nina wrote down those thoughts, in the hope that all that poison would flow from her brain to her arm, from her arm to the ink, then spill over onto the page and purify her mind, even if just for a while. It worked, most of the times. That was how she got entire notebooks filled with scattered thoughts, memories, incoherent words that she probably wouldn’t have been able to give an order to herself. Sometimes she struggled to decide whether she wrote to keep track of her feelings or to get rid of them.

Then, for the first time, she found the courage to write about Tommy. Never had she mentioned his name in her diary, for fear that it would make everything too real. But that was a step she needed to take. She wrote about how seen he had made her feel. About how, for some reason she couldn’t understand, he accepted her as she was. About how she wished she had never let him close to her.

Because she was causing him nothing but pain.

“I’m not sure this looks good on me,” Agnese whined, looking at herself in the mirror of the dressmaker’s shop. She turned from side to side, making it an arduous task for the poor seamstress to fix the wedding gown on her.

Sitting on a small sofa next to her aunt Rita and her cousins, Rosa and Sofia, Nina rested with her chin on her hand, staring blankly into space. After two hours and eight wedding dresses, Agnese’s hopes to find the one were slowly sinking. Just like Nina’s hopes for that torture to end. She would’ve gladly spared herself the inconvenience, hadn’t her cousin been so convincing in telling her she would never, ever, be able to choose a dress without her help. Nina wasn’t sure that was the case, but she couldn’t just say no without any apparent reason. So there she was, drowning among inches of satin, silk, lace and tulle, trying to ignore her aunt’s displeased looks. She wasn’t happy to have her there, and she was doing absolutely nothing to hide it.

“Nina, what do you think?” Agnese turned to her, pleading her with her eyes to say something. That only seemed to antagonise aunt Rita more, who had well understood that her daughter valued her cousin’s advice way more than hers or her sisters’.

Nina blinked, searching for the details of all the dresses she had watched her try on in the fog of her mind and comparing them to the one she was wearing now. “I liked the other one better.”

“The one I tried on before this?”

“Yes.”

“That one was horrible,” aunt Rita said bitterly, straightening her back.

Nina had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. Of-fucking-course. “I liked it,” she shrugged.

“That’s cause you have no taste,” Sofia remarked, scrunching her nose, making Rosa let out a giggle.

Nina took a deep breath, trying her best not to let them get to her. An arduous task. She had little patience left, and she wasn’t sure she’d succeed in refraining from throwing hands. She stretched her legs in front of her, leaning with her back against the cushions. “Yes, you’re right,” she said nonchalantly, aware that her indifference would vex them way more than any nasty retort.

“You could still wear my old dress,” aunt Rita suggested, a hint of hope in her voice.

Please no, Nina widened her eyes, recalling the puffy sleeves and voluminous frills. Not to mention that sort of horrendous bib at the neck. She sent her cousin a look, who looked back at her with the exact same expression. Aunt Rita had expressed more than once her desire to see her daughter wearing her old wedding gown, going as far as making her try it on three times in order to convince her. The idea itself wouldn’t be bad, if it weren’t for the fact that it was the ugliest, tackiest dress they both had seen in their entire lives. And as much as Nina wasn’t happy to see Agnese marrying Tommy, she still didn’t wish for her to look ridiculous.

She let her gaze wander across the room, hoping that among the profusion of frocks and fabrics she’d find a dress good enough to save Agnese from that possibility. But something else caught her eye. An unfinished sketch was resting on the small table in front of her. She leaned forward to take a better look at it, furrowing her eyebrows as an idea began to take shape into her head.

“Zia, you said you liked the third one, right?” she asked her aunt.

“That was nicer, yes.”

“But you didn’t like the sleeves,” she continued, this time talking to Agnese, who promptly shook her head.

“I liked the sleeves of the one you suggested,” she said. “And the floral details. But I’m not sure about the skirt.”

“So you’d like the third one, if it had those sleeves and those details.”

Agnese bit her lips, squinting her eyes as if she was trying to picture what the dress would look like. “Yes,” she said eventually. “Yes, that would be perfect.”

“Perhaps,” Nina turned to the seamstress, speaking in her nicest tone. “The dress could be modified, by changing the sleeves and adding the floral details.”

The woman wavered, undoubtedly thinking about the little time she had at her disposal to make the changes.

“If you’ll be so kind to forgive our short notice and make us a little favour, that is,” Nina added persuasively. “We know it’s lots of work, but we trust your ability to make that… perfect dress, to use my cousin’s words.”

The seamstress’s expression changed, a small smile appearing on her face at the praise. Nina had to hold back a grin. Just as she thought.

“The silhouette seemed to be made just for her, after all,” she pushed a bit more. Then she paused, as if thinking about something. “Ah, I bet everyone will want to know where she got it,” she concluded, slightly shaking her head.

Much to Nina’s satisfaction, that seemed to do the trick. The seamstress nodded, clasping her hands together. “It can be done,” she asserted, clasping her hands together. “This lovely girl deserves the dress of her dreams.”

“Perfect.” Agnese’s face broke into a big smile, her eyes lighting up with joy. “What do you think, mum?”

Aunt Rita pursed her lips, visibly annoyed by the fact that Nina, of all people, had just found the solution to what up until a few minutes prior seemed like the biggest issue in the world. “If it makes you happy, I’m happy,” she conceded.

Agnese clapped, giggling to herself, then she glanced at Nina, a grateful look on her face. Thank you, she mouthed. Nina smiled back, but a sudden melancholy rose into her chest.

It was happening. Tommy and Agnese were getting married. And she could do nothing but stand and watch as she lost the only man who had made her question everything she had ever believed about herself.

When she came back home, Nina found Tommy standing right outside the front door, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a cigarette. His head was hanging low, but she still caught the glimpse of a frown on his face. There was something off with him. He was serious, even more than usual, and there was a stiffness in his posture that gave away how tense he truly was. She took her time to walk up the steps, waiting for her aunt and cousins to walk into their own home before approaching him.

She could feel his piercing eyes on her as she fumbled with her keys, hands slightly shaking like every time she was aware he was looking. God, she was such a mess.

Tommy took one last drag from his cigarette, then he threw it away with a nervous gesture. “I need to talk to you,” he said lowly, blowing a cloud of smoke.

Nina’s heart skipped a beat at his words, her mind starting to race with all the different possibilities. Maybe something bad had happened. Maybe they had been too reckless, and someone had found out about them. She pushed away that thought. If that were the case, all hell would’ve broken loose by now. Then what was it he wanted to talk to her about?

“Wait,” she murmured, carefully taking a look around to make sure no one was near. Having established there were no prying eyes, she grabbed his arm, taking him to a more secluded area of the garden, away from the windows of the house.

Realising she was still holding on to him, Nina let her hand fall, feeling a rush of warmth rising up to her cheeks. “Go on,” she encouraged him, her voice coming out more apprehensive than intended.

Tommy’s icy gaze swept over her face, his eyes holding an intensity that made her knees buckle. “I can’t marry your cousin.”

It took Nina a while to register what he had just said. She blinked a few times, half-convinced she hadn’t heard him right. “Wha… what?” she furrowed her brows, instinctively withdrawing.

Tommy gently placed his warm hands on her arms, not allowing her to recede further. “I can’t marry your cousin,” he said once again. “Because I want you.”

Nina gaped at him, frantically trying to make sense of what he was telling her. He couldn’t actually mean it, could he?

“Tommy, are you out of your mind? My family-”

“I don’t care,” he interrupted her, voice steady.

“You can’t possibly-”

“Look at me,” he cut her off again, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “I don’t care,” he repeated, more softly.

Nina swallowed, feeling incredibly weak under his stare. No one had ever shown her so much devotion, so much tenderness. That man was ready to risk his own life for her, and she couldn’t understand why. She couldn’t understand what she had done to deserve all that affection. She couldn’t explain to herself the fondness in his eyes. It was too painful to bear. It was almost enough to make her cave.

Almost.

“They’ll kill you,” she argued.

“They won’t.”

“How are you going to prevent it, exactly?”

Tommy hesitated for a moment, licking his lips. “Somehow.”

“Somehow?” she raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “That’s your grand plan?” She took an abrupt step back, the word incessantly replaying in her head. “Somehow,” she scoffed, shaking her head. She rubbed her eyes, and when she spoke again she was taken aback by how tired her voice sounded. “Tommy, there’s no way out of this, we need to accept it.”

There was no point in keeping on hurting each other like that, dwelling over what could’ve been had things been different. It was late, too late.

But Tommy didn’t seem fazed, his face bearing a look of steely determination that brooked no argument. “The thing about me,” he said, “is that I always dig my way out.”

Nina looked at him defiantly, as if to assess just how unyielding he could be. “So you’re digging now.”

“I’m digging now.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, averting her gaze. She would be lying, if she said she wasn’t tempted to say yes. To screw everything up and deal with the consequences later. To put her feelings first, for once. And he was making it harder and harder for her to stand firm.

Tommy closed the distance between them with a long stride, standing so close to her she could feel the heat radiating from him. His familiar scent filled her nostrils, making her head spin. He cradled her face in his hands, tilting her head up. “You said to me you’re not worth starting a war over. You’re wrong. I’d start a thousand fucking wars and gladly fight each one of them if it meant that I got to keep you by my side.”

That display of bare, raw vulnerability left Nina completely disarmed. Tommy was standing in front of her, laying his fragile, troubled heart in her hands, stripped of all protection, and she had no idea what to do with it. She wanted to hold it gently, to handle it with care, yet it seemed to her that she could only be capable of crushing it. She brought her hands to his wrists, thumbs lightly rubbing over his skin.

“Say yes,” Tommy went on, looking straight into her eyes, “and I’ll go talk to your father right now.”

He was dead serious, she could see it on his face. There was no hint of uncertainty in his demeanour. He knew what he wanted, and he meant it when he said he’d find a way out.

She remembered what he had told her the previous night, about how he’d never let anything bad happen to her. She had believed him then and she believed him even more now. Once again, Tommy took the shape of something solid, steady. Something she could trust. Before she could think about what she was doing, Nina pressed her lips on his. His mouth was warm and soft against hers, his hands tender as he brought her even closer. He felt familiar, and safe. Like a shelter, or a shield.

Then he was yanked away from her by some brutal force. Before she could register what was happening, someone grabbed her by the shoulder, screaming something she was in too much of a shock to understand.

It wasn’t until she saw Pietro landing a punch on Tommy’s face that Nina came back to herself.

“Did you ruin her?” he barked, roughly grabbing Tommy by the collar. “Did you fucking ruin her?”

Nina watched in horror as her brother turned into a being she could barely recognise. His face was red, a vein was swelling on his neck, and his bloodshot eyes blazed with ferocity.

“Pietro, stop,” she darted forward, freeing herself from the hand holding her shoulder.

She didn’t go far. A string of curses left Salvatore’s mouth as he snatched her arm with such force to make her turn around. He towered over her, menacing, digging his nails into her skin. “Iu t’ammazzu, giuru ca t’ammazzu,” he growled, baring his teeth. Dark eyes glaring with fury, he raised his hand, causing her to flinch away in fear. (I’ll kill you, I swear I’ll kill you.)

“Oi,” Tommy reacted immediately, managing to shake Pietro off. But the eldest of the Ferrante siblings was quick to catch him again. Tommy clenched his jaw, jerking his head towards what was happening a few feet away from them. “You might wanna fucking stop him,” he snarled.

The fiery rage that had seemed to take over Pietro started to fade, giving way to an icy composure. He turned to his brother, a warning look in his eyes. “Calmati,” he told him, voice low but firm. (Calm down.)

As if subject to his will like a dog to its owner, Salvatore gritted his teeth, reluctantly letting his hand fall by his side. His other hand loosened its hold on her arm, although still not letting go. Nina exhaled in relief. She hadn’t even noticed she had been holding her breath the whole time. It wasn’t the first time she witnessed an outburst of anger from her brother, but until then it had never, never, been directed at her.

“Portiamolo da papà,” Pietro ordered, tilting his head towards the house. (Let’s bring him to dad.)

“Wait,” she tried to take a step forward, but Salvatore’s grip on her tightened.

“Zitta,” Pietro glared at her, a silent threat in his eyes. (Shut up.)

Nina glanced at Tommy, eyes wide. His right eyebrow had split open, and his cheekbone was already starting to bruise. He sent her a reassuring look, visibly trying to keep his calm, but she could tell he was just as nervous as her. The fact that he wasn’t able to understand what her brothers were saying probably made it even worse for him. Her heart raced in her chest, guilt setting heavily on her stomach. It was her fault. It was all her fault.

Nina helplessly watched as Salvatore left her to help their brother guide Tommy towards the house, knowing there was nothing she could to do stop them without making them even angrier.

She took a deep breath, unconsciously rubbing her sore arm, trying to clear her mind. She needed to think, and fast. She needed to dig her way out, or she’d have to dig her own grave. Her and Tommy’s.

When she turned to go in her house’s direction, her stomach dropped. Agnese was standing just a few feet away from her. And from the expression of pure disgust on her face, Nina could tell she she had witnessed everything.

“Agnese,” she stammered, but the look she received silenced her on the spot.

Agnese’s lips twisted in a grimace as she looked her up and down.

“Puttana,” she spat out. (Whore)

Heart, Body and Sould tag list:

@zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms / @justrainandcoffee @call-sign-shark

@kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240 @diorrfairy @mariaelizabeth21-blog1

@gaslysainz @brummiereader @loverhymeswith @fairypitou @prettywhenicry4

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @woofgocows @girlwith-thepearlearring @goblinjnr @outlanderuniverse

@citylights31 @neonpurplestars89-blog @outlanderuniverse @red-riding-wood @evita-shelby

@look-at-the-soul @gathania93 @wonderlanddreamer @thelastemzy @meadows5

@mischievouslittlecreature @fracturedhaven

General Tag list: @iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys

@lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989

@call-sign-shark @jomarch-wannabe @ce1iat @areyenotfondofmelobster @red-riding-wood

@optimisticsandwichgladiator @lunarubra

Tommy Shelby tag list: @50svibes @bellabarnes1378 @jbrownta

#peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fics #peaky blinder imagine #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby fic #tommy shelby x oc

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caffeinemachine · 1 year ago

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Life Jacket- Chapter 2

Hi!! Thanks for all the love on the first chapter! Sorry this out later than I expected but I couldn't stop writing and I didn't want to end the chapter at an odd spot.

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list! Hope you like this chapter!

WC: 4.8K

Conrad Fisher x Eldest Conklin Sibling Reader

Blurb | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

~~~~~~~~~~

The first day always went the same. Unpack, swim, shower, nap, dinner. Sometimes the first bonfire of the season was the first day we got there, other times it was the next day. This year it was the first. So today’s order was, unpack, swim, shower, nap, dinner, get ready, party.

We all gathered around the table for dinner in our usual spots. My Mom, Belly, and me on one side, Steven and Jere across from us, then Conrad on the end next to me, and Sussanah on the end next to my Mom. The spots never changed over the years, unless we had guests to squeeze in somewhere. The other thing that never changed was the food. Susannah was an amazing cook. She had taught me to cook over the years. I had spent many hours by her side being her ‘little sous chef’ as she called me. This summer she told me she would show me her old college food recipe hacks.

I picked my head up from my plate when I heard Jeremiah’s voice, “So Y/n/n when do you leave for school? Do they have the swim team go early?”

I nodded, quickly swallowing my food so I could answer, “Yeah I have to go early, It's not too bad though only 2 weeks before the regular move-in date. I leave on August 5th.”

Susannah spoke next, “We’re so proud of you, our little fish.” Everyone chuckled at the nickname, ‘little fish’. Susannah had been calling me that for years.

“So what about you man when do you leave for training camp?” Steven asked Conrad, only he wasn’t the one who answered. Jeremiah did.

“He uh quit football.” Silenced stretched over the table. He what? I stared at him in disbelief, but in my heart, a part of me felt relieved for him. Being a student athlete isn’t easy and I knew Conrad only did football for his father. Sure he still loved the sport, but not enough.

“What you quit? Why man, I would’ve killed to play college ball?” Steven asked Conrad but again he didn't respond, his mother answered this time.

“He can always change his mind.” That made Conrad speak up, getting defensive towards his mother in a way I didn't usually see from him.

“I’m not gonna change my mind, I was just gonna sit on the bench all season anyway.” I sat quietly. I didn’t know what to say. Conrad and I bonded over our athleticism over the years, it felt weird to think we didn’t share that similarity anymore.

I hadn't realized I was staring at him until he looked back at me, our eyes locked and yet I still couldn't move. You'd think it'd be instinct to look away but as he came into focus, we just stared. I tried my best to read him to understand why he might do that, Why would he quit? I knew he didn't love it but he had gone this far with it, What made him change his mind?

There was something unreadable in his expression I didn't think it was regret or nostalgia or sadness or anger but instead some combination of all of it. I wondered why. He looked away first turning his attention to his plate as he picked at the food in front of him. I didn't push him on it, I wasn't sure I'd push him on it later either. I’m sure he had a reason, maybe it’d be best if I just let him tell me if he wanted.

The rest of dinner continued on like normal on the first night. Catching up, making jokes, and just being happy to be in each other's presence again. Everyone went their separate ways to get ready for the bonfire, and Belly and the moms stayed downstairs preparing for their movie night. Their tradition started a few years ago when Belly was 11, almost 12. That was the first year we went to a bonfire, Conrad and I were 14, and Jeremiah and Steven were 13. The bonfires were different then, we were with the younger crowd still unmixed from the older kids. It was in the backyard of the house owned by a kid Jeremiah and Conrad knew from sailing camp. Belly was so upset she couldn't come with us. She was too young and we didn't want to have to watch out for her the whole night, or entertain her for that matter. I love my sister and she's gotten a lot better over the years but she loves attention, even though she won't admit it. Having her come meant that I would have to keep her by my side the whole night, that I couldn't mingle with new kids and make new friends. The moms promised to hang out with her that night. They went to the drugstore in town and bought a bunch of candy. Susannah made brownies and they watched a movie, a PG-13 movie which Belly thought was awesome at the time.

I didn't do too much to get ready for the bonfire, it wasn't anything new, but I still like to look a little bit nice. It was the first time I was seeing everybody for the season after all. My hair was down, air-dried from the shower I took earlier so it had a natural wave to it. A little concealer under my eyes, some mascara, tinted lip balm, and that was that. I put on a tank top and some jean shorts with my navy Cousins Beach sweatshirt on top. It tended to get a little bit chilly on the beach at night. I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes catching on the shimmer coming from my ears. My pearl earrings, Susannah's pearl earrings. She gave them to me for my 16th birthday just like her mother did and I've treasured them every day since.

I had to shoo the thought away as I felt myself getting choked up. I exited my room and went down the stairs, slipping on my very worn-in black Converse by the door. I heard stories of people in college having a designated pair of shoes they called their ‘frat shoes’. This pair of black Converse was that for me over the summer. They had been covered in sand, soaked from water, and scuffed with dirt, more times than I could count.

As I finished tying my last lace, the boys walked down the stairs. I sat up, shoes now tied, and patted my knees, “You guys ready to go?”

“Yep let's do this we're taking my car. Y/N you promised to be DD for the night right? Don’t worry though I won’t drink too much anyway, wouldn't want to be hungover for my first day of duty, right Y/ N?” Jeremiah answered.

I laughed, “No Jere, you definitely shouldn't be hungover. Wouldn't look good for me either after I vouched for you to get this job. But yes I’ll be DD.” He laughed with me throwing his arm over my shoulder as we walked to the car. Steven called shotgun which left me and Conrad to sit together in the back. I hated to admit it to myself but he looked good. How someone could pull off a gray hoodie that well I didn't know, but he pulled off a gray hoodie and jeans better than I'd seen ever before.

The drive was silent in terms of conversation but in the front seat, Jeremiah and Steven were singing their hearts out to Steven's ‘pregame’ playlist off Spotify. I kept my gaze out the window. Partly because I was still taking in the beauty of Cousins, partly because I could look at him. He looked too good and I always had to distance myself from Conrad before parties. I never knew how they’d play out with him. Sometimes he’d just stick close to us, the crew, and have a super fun night hanging out. Usually, that’s what he did when I was at the party with the guys but I’d been told the stories of his playboy party actions when I wasn’t there, and last summer I had gotten a glimpse of it. A girl named Nicole had come up to him and started chatting with him. Within seconds she was quite touchy-feely. Her hand was on his chest or upper arm, even playing with his hair every once in a while. I had whispered into Jere’s ear who was between me and the horny fest, “Who’s that?”

Jere took a quick glance over his shoulder and then whispered back, “Nicole, she and Conrad hook up every once in a while.”

I furrowed my brows, “I’ve literally never seen her before.”

“They met at a party last summer when you had left for swim camp, I think her family like only comes out for August.”

I swallowed the information and then excused myself to get a drink. I stole a beer from the kid's fridge and walked back feeling a little bit better now that I had a drink in my hand. But when I looked up to find Nicole on her tiptoes kissing Conrad against the wall, the power of the drink in my hand ceased. I turned back to the kitchen, leaning against the counter by myself for a few minutes. I had my focus down on my hands when I suddenly looked up at the sound of the refrigerator doors flying open. It was her. She was seemingly grabbing a beer from the fridge the same way I had been just a second ago. I expected her to walk back out to Connie, but instead, she stationed herself on the counter, so I took that as my sign to walk back. It was the first, and only time since I had seen Conrad's fuck-boy behavior, but the stories continued, and I never let myself feel unprepared for the chance I might see it again.

Now sitting in the car with him I did just that as I watched the houses go by. The streets are littered with beautiful bloomed hydrangeas. Suddenly, my hair was pushed behind my ear. I turned my head as his hand draped its way down from my ear to the ends of my hair. His face was soft but I could see the dimples around his smile starting to crease. I shifted in my seat, nervous with his attention on me.

“W-what are you doing?” I spoke lowly. Not that it mattered, Jere and Steven had no chance of hearing over our screaming.

“You’re hiding.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. And it left me speechless. “Your hair is always so soft, you’d think after years of chlorine that wouldn’t be the case.”

That eased the tension a little, as the corner of my mouth turned up. “Well, that's because I wear one of those swim caps.”

He laughed, “I’d pay to have a picture of that.”

I laughed with him, “Don’t say that to my mom 'cause she’d easily take your money for an exchange.”

“Let's go!” Jeremiah shouted, exiting the car along with my brother. I hadn't realized we had stopped.

I looked over my shoulder to see Conrad hadn’t moved. His eyes looked at me like he was observing my soul. I held my breath. As if not breathing would help ease the bubbles floating around in my chest.

I couldn’t bear it.

With an awkward laugh, I scooted out of the car and jogged over to Jere and Steven. I didn’t want to walk down alone. I knew the boys wouldn’t stay by my side the whole night, they’d go do other things within the first hour, but I liked to hold onto them for as long as I could. I didn’t mind the girls I’d met with the guys here over the years, but we were never that close. Nicole, Dara, Gigi, Marisa, and Shayla, we’d all lose contact over the school year. I also knew some people who weren’t from that crew. Some of them I knew from the swim club I used to do at the Country Club when I was little under the Fisher’s name. I wasn’t exactly supposed to be in the club seeing as I wasn’t truly a member but Susannah had a way of getting people to do what she wanted. Kindness can be blinding. The club was mostly made up of little boys, there were only 3 of us girls, Sydney, Ally, and me. Sydney was a nice girl. She was super smart, and ambitous, she’s set to start at Princeton for business in the Fall. Ally, I remained better friends with as we grew up. She was a dedicated swimmer like me so we even ran into each other sometimes during the school year at competitions. Ally was a total sweetheart, but she liked to have fun. She was easy to hang out with, she understood. I hoped they were here, I had forgotten to text them when I got to Cousins.

The fire wasn’t too crazy, they had to be careful not to draw too much attention from the cops. A big crowd of people had already formed though and it was only 9:30. I grabbed a cola from the cooler as I said hello to everyone coming up to us. Chit-chat was made with numerous people, and I couldn’t help but feel these conversations were really competitions for these kids. It was like every comment had to be a one-up to the one previous.

It was around 10:30 when a hand plopped down on my shoulder abruptly. I assumed it was one of the guys but then he came into my eyeline, Peter Millington.

“Yooo Y/N what's good?” He said a little slurred. As he moved to stand in front of me his hand dropped from my shoulder.

“Hey Peter,” I laughed. Peter was a good guy, he was flirty but it was harmless. Annoying, but harmless. I met him at the swim club when we were 10.

“So miss big shot where you heading this fall? I’m sure schools across the country were practically begging outside your front door!”

I laughed, “I won’t deny that, but I’m actually not going far. I’m gonna be going to Harvard.” His mouth hung open.

“No shit.”

“Yes, shit. How about you, still swimming?”

He shook his head, “Nah nah, I’m trying to be a sports agent, I’ll be going to Penn State.”

“That’s great, congrats.” I smiled at him.

He pointed at me a big smirk spreading across his face, “Yeah so you better remember me when you go all famous.” He finished his statement by slightly hitting the side of my arm.

“You got it Pete, I won’t forget you-”

“Belly what the fuck!” My head snapped and my jaw dropped. I took off over to them. I sort of abandoned Pete but eh, he’ll be fine.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Steven yelled.

I smacked his shoulder once I had run up to them. “Stop yelling! You’re making a scene!” I whisper-shouted at him.

Then I turned my attention to my baby sister. My baby sister, who wasn’t supposed to be here. My baby sister, who was just talking to a man 5 years older than her. My baby sister, who chose to wear a tiny skin-tight pink mini dress. My clueless, trouble-causing, baby sister.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her as calmly as I could.

“What I can’t go to a party?” She bit back defensively.

Excuse me? She didn’t get to give me shit for being concerned when she's the one who showed up out of the blue. I scoffed, “Did I say that?”

“What are you even wearing Belly we are on the beach why would you-“

“Steven. Knock it off. Go hang out with Shayla.” This was getting too aggravating. Steven was instigating too much, he must have already pissed Belly off by the time I ran up and now I had to deal with it.

“Did Taylor tell you to wear that or something?” I asked Belly, trying my best to figure out what was going on without having to have an argument in the middle of a party.

“Why can’t I just dress nicely without being questioned?” Why the hell was she being so defensive?

“Again did I say that?” I couldn’t hold back the bite to my tone.

She rolled her eyes before looking at me. But then her gaze sharply caught something over my shoulder. I turned to look. Jeremiah. Drunk off his ass. Standing next to the fire trying to strip and go skinny dipping. He had already stripped off his sweatshirt, shirt, shoes, and socks.

“Great.” I scoffed, running over to my now 2nd problem of the night.

When he saw me running over he smiled brightly, “Y/N! We are going swimming come on! OH MY GOSH Belly! You’re here! You come too!”

Belly laughed beside me and I would’ve thrown a dirty look her way if I had the energy to spare.

“No. No one is going swimming. It’s pitch black, the rip currents are crazy, and you are wasted. That’s all recipe for disaster.” I said authoritatively.

Jeremiah pouted. “Please?”

“No. Now put your clothes on.”

“Booooo.” Was he serious? He swayed as he re-dressed, his shirt blocking his vision. Good god.

“And get rid of the drink Jere, You’ve had enough.”

“Ughhh fine party pooper.” Before I could stop him he threw his drink into the fire.

“Jere-” The fire grew, a blaze lighting the beach. Shouts were heard as other drunk idiots followed Jeremiah’s lead and fueled the fire. “I can’t with this, Jere hang out with Belly.”

He smiled at that, “Alright come here belly button sit with me by the fire.” She giggled and obliged.

I took a deep breath, my feet taking me to the shoreline without even thinking. I needed to calm down. The chaos was overwhelming. I sat down on the sand a few feet away from where the water reached. The breeze flowed against me and I felt my mind begin to ease. This. This is why I always loved Cousins. I will never feel as at peace as I do when I’m next to the ocean. Water just calmed me down. I was the little fish.

I hoped that would never change. I hoped I would always be the little fish, no matter how big or how small the pond. No matter what happened down the line, the peace I felt by the water would never be disturbed. I’d always be, as Susannah so deemed me, a little fish.

I felt a plop next to me in the sand. I knew who it was without even looking, I could simply feel his energy. It was Conrad. He looked out on the water as he placed whatever drink he had in his hand down next to him. I kept my gaze out on the water as well. It felt good to just sit with somebody. With him.

“So you go around telling everybody you’re going to Harvard?” He said, slight humor in his tone.

I sighed, “I mean only when anyone asked.”

“No shouting from the rooftops?”

“No shouting from the rooftops. I’m not a big bragger.” I snickered, and so did he.

“You? Please! You have always been humble but you never shied away from sharing your accomplishments. You should be proud of yourself, it’s a big deal.” I just shrugged in response.

“I’m proud of you.” I looked at him then. His eyes were full of sincerity. I don’t think he knew how much that meant to hear. I caught his eyes flicking to my lips.

Wait what-

He was looking at my lips and when he looked back up his eyes shone with vulnerability. I couldn’t help myself when my eyes dipped down to look at his. I imagined what it’d be like to kiss him. His soft pillowy lips moving against my own. I wondered where he’d put his hands. He seemed like the type of guy to cup the back of your head. I’d feel the weight of his hand as he pulled me into him like he was desperate for our connection. Maybe one hand would fall to my hips or my thigh, acting like an anchor.

I couldn’t let my mind wander too far. Lord knows where that would lead. When our eyes met the tension was unmistakable. I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself fall into him. I’d never stand back up.

“Stella? Alright, thanks man!”

Spell broken. Peter had just snatched Conrad’s beer from its spot between us and was taking a big slug of it.

“Pete what the hell?” I said, standing up from my seat on the sand.

“Dude give me my beer back.” Conrad stood up as well, Pete was standing between us.

“Whaaaat? You weren’t even drinking it man! It was just- you know just sitting there and all the- all the other Stella’s are gone.” He was plastered. I felt my chest sink. This isn’t gonna go well.

“I don’t give a fuck if there aren’t any left, that one is mine now give it back to me.” Conrad defended.

“Connie come on-”

“It’s just a beer man.” Pete turned to face primarily towards Conrad.

“Exactly, so give me my beer back and get yourself your own.”

“No.”

“Pete come on you definitely don’t need another drink.” I approached him, going to put my hand down on his shoulder to try and calm him down. Then just as I did he rolled back his elbow saying,

“Oh fuck off.”

I fell to the ground. His elbow collided right with my ear and the side of my face. Well, that hurt like a bitch. I’ll have a black eye on my first day back to work. Awesome.

“Y/N-“

I kept my eyes clenched shut for a minute before I felt a hand come to my shoulder, it was Belly and Jeremiah helping me up. My ears rang for a minutes before clearing. I watched as Steven and Jere broke up the fight.

Conrad looked at me as Steven pulled him back. I shook my head and looked away. Actually, I looked right at the flashing blue and red lights now coming from the top of the dunes. Cops, awesome.

“Enough!” I snapped everyone out of it, “Let’s go! Come on!”

I grabbed Belly’s hand as we ran up to the car, glancing over my shoulder quickly to make sure the boys were behind us.

“Jere keys!” I caught the keys as he tossed them to me, unlocking the car doors. “In! Now!”

I started the car, a scowl on my face. My head felt like it was vibrating but it wasn’t like any of them could drive with their intoxication level. I couldn’t believe them. How on earth did they think it was appropriate to act like this? I kept my eyes on the road, but I was sure they could feel the anger radiating off of me.

“Y/N look I-“ Steven started but I cut him off.

“I don’t wanna hear it.”

Then Jeremiah came in, “We didn’t mean to-“

“I said I don’t wanna hear it! Unless you want me to hit a drunk teenager stumbling home, you’ll shut up and listen to me! I’m distracted enough by the pinging in my head.”

They were silent after that.

I was mad and I had plenty of reason to be. I had been in this position with my sibling plenty of times, a few with Jeremiah, but never Conrad. I knew he started fights occasionally, but never with me around.

I pulled into the driveway and parked the car. Then I child-locked in all those mother fuckers. I unblocked my seatbelt and positioned myself to be able to see them all. Steven and Jere struggled to open the doors while Belly sat in the middle confused. To my surprise Conrad just sat in his seat, his focus down in his lap, he made no objections. Once the three backseat idiots figured it out they looked to me expectantly.

I raised my brows, “What you thought just cause I didn’t want you distracting me while driving you were gonna be off the hook?”

“Y/N what do you even care? You’re not our mom.” Belly said, rolling her eyes.

She only fueled my anger, “Yeah no shit I’m not 'cause Mom wouldn’t have put up with even an ounce of the crap you guys pulled tonight. Do you think I like playing mommy? Do you think I wouldn’t have rathered to enjoy the first night of my summer stress-free? You are lucky I’m a good sister, 'cause I could so easily walk inside and tell Mom everything that went down tonight. Then maybe you’d realize that having you deal with me instead of mom, is me being nice.” I watched my sibling's attitudes deflate. Jeremiah on the other hand was sitting there trying and failing to hide the smirk from his face. “What’s so funny Jeremiah? Do you think I’m not talking to you too right now? All of you put me in bad positions tonight because of how you acted. ”

Jeremiah chimed in again, “We weren’t that bad.”

My jaw dropped, “Not that bad? Let’s see who should I start with. How about you Jeremiah, I stopped you from getting naked in front of every teenager in cousins, potentially drowning and killing yourself, and even after I did that you acted like an idiot! Throwing alcohol into the fire, you’re probably the reason the cops came! Oh and just the cherry on top, the fact that you’re wasted after promising me you wouldn’t be.” He was quiet now.

“Steven had to cause a whole scene, but I’m not even that mad at him because he was right to be questioning you Bells! How the hell did you even get there?”

She peeked up sheepishly, “I walked.”

“You walked? Belly do the Moms even know you came to the bonfire?”

“No, I snuck out.” She spoke in a quiet tone.

“Jesus Bells! If you had just told me you wanted to come I would’ve vouched for you. For god sake, I would’ve given you a ride!” My head pounded. I rubbed my forehead trying to ease the pain, I needed some advil. “You guys can’t act like that. It’s dangerous, and quite frankly embarrassing. I’m just- I’m done dealing with it.” I took a breath and unlocked the doors, “Go inside guys. Go to sleep.” I sat forward with my head in my hands. I heard the doors open and close as they got out without a word.

Except he didn’t. I didn’t look over at him. I honestly didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know how I felt at the moment.

“Are you ok? Is your head alright?” He had worry in his voice and I couldn’t help but feel a flutter in my heart.

“I have a headache and I’ll probably wake up to a huge bruise on my cheek but I’m fine.”

“How come you’re not mad at me too?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t mad at you.” I felt his eyes on me the whole time but mine stayed forward at the house.

“You didn’t yell at me like everyone else.”

“Because I didn’t know what to say to you not because I’m not mad at you.”

A beat passed. Just us sitting in the car before he spoke up again, “I’m so sorry you got hurt, Pete was plastered-“

“You could’ve just let him have the beer.”

“Y/N I wasn’t going to-“

“Look it’s been a long night, just- just go to bed Con.” I grabbed the keys and left the car. I hadn’t looked at him once and I didn’t look back at him. I couldn’t. I don’t even think I was truly mad at him, I mean it was Pete’s fault, not his. I was more overwhelmed with tonight’s events and I didn’t have the energy to unpack anything right now. My head was pounding and I needed to lay down. Work would be a nightmare tomorrow morning.

I went straight into the shower when I got inside. I gave myself a quick rinse. Susannah always stoked our bathroom with luxurious bath products for me and Belly. But I know Steven liked it too.

I walked into my room and plopped right down onto my bed. Man, it was soft, and it only seemed softer after a hard night.

I went to grab my phone when I saw it. A water bottle, advil, an ice pack, and a cookie, sitting on my bedside table, and I most certainly didn’t put it there. I knew who did. I knew it was him, and I could feel myself smile a little. I felt myself forgive him, he was hard to stay mad at. He wouldn’t mention it, I probably wouldn’t either, but we knew that we knew. That was enough.

For now.

~~~~~~~

Tag list:

@mid-80s @geekinthefuschiahair @paytonloiselle

#the summer i turned pretty #conrad fisher #conrad fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #tsitp #tsitp s2 #jeremiah fisher fanfic #jeremiah fisher imagine #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher fanfic #belly conklin #steven conklin #tsitp conrad #tsitp jeremiah #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher fluff #conrad fisher angst #conrad fisher x you

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infinitywrites · 1 year ago

Text

I Didn't Expect You ~ Conrad Fisher

(Part 2) (Masterlist)

gif credit @henryofwales

synopsis: Y/N never expected it to be the summer that everything changed. Conrad, Belly and Steven were all dealing with the consequences of recent break ups while Jeremiah's wasn't acting like himself. Susannah was undergoing treatment that provided unpredictable health results and kept her loved ones on the edge of tragedy. Had they drained the well of the magic of Cousin's beach? Or could something new fulfil it again?

warnings: multichapter slow burn, warnings will update with every chapter, timeline is post SEASON 2 with changes, Susannah is sick, Belly is heartbroken, Jere is bitter, Conrad is struggling, everyone swears, Laurel/Cleveland, Belly and YN briefly critique their bodies but the focus is ultimately positive

word count: 2,275

___________________________________________

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate

Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

This summer there was no one to greet us when we pulled up at the beach house. It was quiet but the beauty of Cousin's Beach and the house itself was as overwhelming on first glance as it had always been. Maybe the sky seemed filled with a few more clouds, darker even without someone to remind the boys that the Conklin-Parks had arrived. Either way, Steven and Belly didn't seem to notice and were already grabbing their bags and bickering about who had their house key handy.

"Do you think we're the first ones here?" I asked as I walked up slowly to the property to look for signs of life.

Belly was by your side in moments, "No, Jere said he was picking up Rosie's for lunch. He should be here somewhere. They were supposed to get here a little early to make sure Susannah was all set up with…everything." I just nodded and watched her walk to the door with the key. It wasn't surprising that she didn't mention Conrad.

Belly had already vented her nerves about coming at all after her breakup with Conrad at Prom. I didn't blame her and assured her I'd be right by her side no matter what happened or what was said. Belly and Conrad grew up together just like the rest of us and if no one else would make sure a failed romance wasn't going to ruin that forever, I definitely was. They hadn't talked since and I promised I'd help her fix it and I would. Conrad would be reasonable about it whether he liked it or not. I was always a fixer, the Mom friend if you will, and there was no reason this could be fixed.

Last summer when I saw it brewing between them I couldn't help but worry. Of course, I wanted Belly to have what she'd always wanted but could Conrad really return her feelings of adoration and worship the same way? Apparently yes, for the six months they were together at least. But it had been three months since the breakup and I knew I had to do everything I could to refocus the group into supporting each other. There had been too much drifting and it broke my heart. Despite life changes causing difficulty in the planning of it all, everyone had agreed to come back to Cousin's for the 4th at Susannah's request so that was a great start. She would have insisted on the whole summer if she'd had the energy but it was time to accept that some things would just never be the same again. We were barely children anymore and the summers were going to change.

"Y/N! Come on, Jere's got apple cinnamon for you!" Steven called out to me from the open front door.

As soon as I entered the house, the smell washed over me, my shoulders sagging in relief and the comfort of finally being here and smellling that smell brought me. The greetings were quieter when I walked into the familiar kitchen full of people I loved most, just like pulling up to the house but that was okay too. Jeremiah squeezed me just as tight as he always had even if he didn't shout my name and lift me off your feet. This wasn't even the whole gang of people who'd been through hell and back the last year but we were all here. All coming back for Susannah's favourite holiday.

The pressure I put on this last summer before I moved halfway across the country to start my freshman year at Stanford wasn't fair to anyone, especially myself but it felt like the end of an era. With Susannah's health changing everyday, I wasn't sure if it could ever be the same again. Was the magic gone? And if so, could it ever come back again? The test would be when the house was full and the party planning was in full force. Susannah would put us all to work and everything would feel normal again even just for a little while.

"What the--Ohmigod!" I spun around and used my hands to block the cold water drops spraying all over me. "Fuck you too, cretin," I said glaring at the shit-eating grin standing in black surfing gear that awaited me.

Conrad has snuck up behind me during small talk and shook his shaggy soaked hair into the back of my exposed neck. "Always a pleasure Y/N, " he finally said, nodding without looking in my direction again and focusing on greeting the other new arrivals.

I was happy to see a short but sweet acknowledgement between him and Belly and she didn't even look like she wanted to die after so maybe this wouldn't be as hard as I thought. Laurel showed up last, announcing her presence at the door and warning everyone not to embarrass her in front of Cleveland. It was a surprise but a happy one and I knew instantly that Susannah was going to lose her mind in the best way. Conrad mentioned that she would sleep until dinner around 6pm so don't be late.

The boys made plans that didn't interest me or Belly and just as I thought they were leaving I saw Jeremiah pause and look at the guys with intent. Belly was always quick on the uptake and tried to protest but the tradition held strong. The boys celebrated a successful throw that had poor Belly flailing in the air so long it felt like slo mo and this time none of them fell for her tricks and got pulled into the pool after her. Not even me, though I should have when I felt bad for a moment, held my hand out and walked towards the edge of the pool in her direction. Conrad was quicker and scooped me right up off my feet from behind, just in time to escape Belly's trap as I gasped at the realization.

"You wouldn't! I didn't throw you in!"

"Yeah, and you didn't try stop them either!" But even in her feigned anger she was chuckling as she swam to the ladder.

After the shock left my body, I joined the boys in hysterical laughter. Conrad was still holding me tight but he must have lost his balance as I crashed to the ground on top of him. He was still in a fit, only uttering the occasional "ow" which spurred on more giggles that infected everyone else. I got myself together before he did and had to pry his surprisingly strong, wiry arms from my waist to be able to stand again.

"My god, you're like a world's tallest spider monkey." I was trying to give him shit but but the sight of him giggling on the ground made him look like a sweet toddler.

That helped sober him a little, "You love it...besides I saved your ass. You should be thinking up ways to thank me." I only caught his smirk after brushing the grass off my clothes but it was enough to stop me in my tracks and stare him down.

"Yeah, I'll get right on that." This was ridiculous and everyone was listening to the two of us– but no, we'd always done this. This was the root of the relationship I'd always had with the oldest Fisher brother. He riled me up and I gave him shit. Simple. "Let me know if you have any special requests," I said over my shoulder as I headed back inside.

"Good idea! I'll text you!" He was yelling now, the idiot, but it was still making the boys laugh so the final word would be Conrad's this time. I could have sworn I'd heard him mumble about how uptight I could be and I was rolling my eyes as I met Belly in the hallway with an exasperated smile that she shared.

Conrad Fisher and I had never been the closest of the group, always seeming to piss each other off in one way or another as kids. Susannah had said that our personalities clashed and that it was a great challenge to overcome as we matured. Anyone would say that both of us were still working on the maturely overcoming it part. It's not like I thought he was a bad guy; he was my friend no matter what, someone who knew me better than most without even trying. If I set a hard boundary he was the first to listen, respect it and make sure everyone else did too while also being the one to lay into me if I screwed up somehow or rib me to death for acting stupid. It was infuriating at worst and addictive at best so I never judged Belly's undying admiration. He was always the leader of the group as the oldest and that came with a certain power that I later realized was also responsibility. Sometimes he knew what I needed even before I did. It was eerie, that sixth sense he had. He was actually pretty damn good at taking care of everyone so sometimes I even let him take care of me too. If Conrad was the fearless leader then Belly was the baby and while he made it look easy taking care of everyone else, I always knew how to take extra special care of her.

The two of you headed upstairs to the room you shared. It originally had a double bed for Belly but Susannah quickly changed it to two singles side by side the second summer you visited. Belly and I liked our tradition of unpacking first; it felt like being at our second home where everything had a place.

"So...how was it?"

I could hear Belly rolling her eyes before she even spoke. "Okay, it could have been worse. I thought he wouldn't even speak to me."

"Why wouldn't he speak to you?"

"Because the last thing he said to me was that he could never give me what I wanted and that I deserved better." She was frustrated as she said it and I couldn't help but sigh.

"I mean, there are worse things to say when you're breaking up with someone..."

"Y/N!"

"What? I'm sorry! It doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be hurt, I'm just saying at least he wasn't a jerk about it." I shrugged and put my pile of new pajamas in the bottom drawer.

Belly paused and turned to look at me, "He said he was sorry it happened that night but he didn't want to be angry at us anymore. Not even me, Y/N, but us."

I got up and went to stroke her arm in a soothing rhythm, "It wasn't fair how it happened but you said you could feel it coming."

Her eyes start to shine with unshed tears, "I thought it was Susannah...I didn't think it could just be me..." When her pretty brown eyes closed the tears ran down her cheeks but she didn't break down, she didn't sob. She just took a deep, steadying breath as her body shifted underneath my hand.

"Hey, it wasn't you, it was him. Look at you, it couldn't have been you, you're stunning!" I shook her shoulders as her lips turned up at the corners. "Absolute perfection! Come here and see." I guided Belly towards the full length mirror on the corner of the room and planted her right in front of it. "Now, I know you thought Conrad was Prince Charming and you'd live happily ever after but fairytales aren't real. But this volleyball bod is." I smacked her butt to make my point and snap her out of her gloomy daze.

"Oh! You're so ridiculous they need to invent a new word–" Hearing her giggle was always a joy because Belly giggled without a hint of shame.

"I'm not finished! I know a breakup can kill your confidence a bit and I need you to look at yourself and really see what you're bringing to the table this hot girl summer."

Even through a big smile she shook her head, "God no, you are so embarrassing."

"I mean, come on, tight ass already acknowledged, newish boobs that are perfectly perky as ever and the prettiest smile on the face of the planet! You can have any boy you want, Isabel Conklin!"

Belly's smile fell a bit as and twisted and turned in the mirror. "You don't think my shoulders are kinda...broad?"

I hung my head as the patience exited my body with a slump. "You're actually insane. Some of us have real problems like cellulite on our thighs and an ass that doesn't fit in most jeans."

"Oh, shut up! Steven told me Frankie and those guys call you 'the ass that won't quit'."

"Belly, I'm not sure that's a compliment." I didn't hate the nickname as long as they didn't say it to my face but I still wasn't sure it meant good things.

"You're delulu, Y/N. Okay, we gotta stop. You're right. Hot girl summer with me and my cousin in Cousin's!" She grabbed my hand and started shifting her feet like we were about to have an impromptu dance party.

I covered my face with my hands and stifled a giggle at the silly phrase, "I fucking hate when you start that shit..." And just like I expected, as my chuckle became a belly laugh, my baby cousin turned on the Bluetooth speaker in my room and we danced out all the pent up heartbreak, nerves, grief and leftover stress and sent it back home where it belonged.

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Author's note: I promise there is so much Conrad and romance coming up even if it wasn't much in this chapter! I hope you stick with me if you saw the potential. So much of this story was inspired by fics I've read in the last few weeks and this is my thank you! Reply with comments and let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist. If you'd like to ask me about any upcoming chapter warnings you wanna be warned of ahead of time (angst? 18+ smut?) then come visit my blog with any questions and I'll be happy to answer!

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #tsitp fanfic #tsitp conrad #the summer i turned pretty #team conrad #Spotify

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1tsstargaze59 · 1 month ago

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Anxifear College AU Fic Chapter 2!!

I have yet to decide on a name for the fic, you're seeing my WIP since I decided to post it on AO3 once it's finished ^^ I usually also give chapters titles but idk yet- we'll have to see if I get any ideas. If not, they'll just be numbered XD

Tw/ Anxious and lonely thoughts, but it's followed with fluff, so you should be fine dw ^^b Chapter 2 under the cut!

As the first month of the semester went by, the trees turned to different hues. Red and yellow brightening up the dull grays of the city. Orange... well orange was like her hair, and green? Green was like her eyes. He saw her in every leaf, every blossom, every sunray shining through his bedroom window early in the morning. The more he tried to get her out of his mind, the more the season reminded him of her. Unavoidable. He was going to see her next Tuesday, after all, they both had to go to work. Fred hoped if he formed a friendship with her, his attraction would diminish; or so he thought.

He arched his back and wiped his face with his hands, forcing the sleepy slouch out of his body. He made breakfast, packed his things, changed into something a little more presentable and left his condo. Living on the top floor of the building had it's perks : privacy, silence, a beautiful view of the city. It's downsides, however, we're non negotiable, notably the height and thus, the time on the elevator. He hated elevators, cramped with nowhere to run to. He shivered at the thought every day. He'd much rather take the stairs. It's not as if anyone else was using them. Plus! It made for a good morning exercise.

Making his way to work is pretty mundane, a repetitive task, driving in the endless sea of cars that formed the heavy traffic. It gave his mind the time to wander, worrying about what ridiculous thing he might say to her next. He's been trying not to flirt with her, but quite frankly it was beyond his control. She's lovely! And he liked her; he couldn't deny it. He was trying to keep things professional more for her sake than his own since she had just been assigned this position. He knew how stressful a time like this could be. In fact, she was obviously very disturbed by the new routine and responsibilities of a lecturer. What she needed was support, not romance. But perhaps? Was he undermining the support a romantic partner could bring to her? Not everyone wants to be in a relationship; he didn't want to assume. He'd have to ask her! But how?

●●●

Many students stay behind to ask him questions after class. He will concede, mathematics aren't for everyone and it's normal to have questions. He's delighted by their curiosity every time, even after 3 years of answering!

"M. Fitzgerald, I don't mean to ask anything too personal," asked Daphne, a design major with a striking taste for the color green, "But why is it that you stay after class even after all the students have left?" Her younger sister, Vivienne, always following in her older sister's footprints, lurked just behind her. The two girls were the last students in the room; the interrogation almost seemed planned to him.

"Oh hm... Well," his hands began to shake, "I stay behind and keep company to Ms. Tyson. As a new teacher, I'd like her to feel welcomed here."

"I see," she paused for a moment to look him up and down, "Well that's very noble of you Frederick. Thank you for answering," Daphne had a knowing smile on her face as she waved goodbye, her sister giggling excitedly, following behind her.

Fred had a sigh of relief. He found himself waiting for Ms. Tyson once more, heart pounding. After about 15 minutes, she was nowhere to be found. Odd, he thought to himself, she's usually so punctual. Perhaps today was the day he... manages to avoid her. His heart doubled in weight and sunk to his stomach. Feeling nauseous, he took a deep breathe and slowly exhaled. He quickly gathered his things into his messenger bag and rushed out the door, trying to move faster then his feelings could catch up.

Rushing down the hall, the faster he walked, the longer the hall became, stretching out for what felt like an eternity. Suddenly, Anna-lee took a turn at the end of corridor, just as he as he arrived. It all happened so quickly : she ran up and took the turn. Right then, he saw her and turned the other way to try to avoid her, but it was too late. They crashed into each other, sending all of Anna's course notes flying into the air.

"My notes!" She yelled after she had triped over his foot and reached out to try to catch them as she fell. Oddly, she didn't feel herself hit the floor. Her eyebrows frowned, she looked down, then turned to look at Fred, "Thanks for catching me," she smiled.

His face lit up and he quickly let go of her waist, fidgeting with his hair and clothes, "You- you're welcome!" He cleared his throat while readjusting his glasses.

"I'm so sorry for crashing into you like that, I was running late-" her voice trailed off, guilty.

"You don't need to apologize, it was an accident. I'm surprised you're late though. What happened?" He asked, helping her collect her things.

"I slept through my alarm- I was exhausted! Last night, I bearily got any sleep and- I don't know why I'm telling you this, you aren't interested in hearing it."

"Well, I asked you didn't I?" He recalled, reaching out for another note, their hands met and their eyes crossed paths. For a moment, he held his breathe and swallowed.

Then, they both giggled nervously and she quickly took the sheet for herself, "I really don't want to bother you, thank you for all your kindness, but I can carry all this on my own," she gestured towards the things he had in his arms, a frown spreading across her face.

"You aren't a burden, but you do have one! Let me help you, I insist," he began to walk towards the classroom again, "It fascinates me how you can carry all this with two hands. By my estimate, this should be near impossible, and I'm a math teacher!"

She laughed, "I've perfected the technique over the years; I don't like writing notes on the computer, so I keep most of them on paper. I usually collect them into folders, but when I'm using them, I'd rather have them loose like this. If you spread them out on a table, they create a timeline!"

"Wow, really?"

"Yes! It's a lot of hard work, but it helps a lot- well- maybe not with organization, but definitely for memory!" She explained nervously, "Sorry to keep you waiting- were you waiting for me?"

"Of course! What kind of friend would I be if I didn't even wait a little bit?" He responded, placing her things onto the desk.

A smiled curled onto her face, "There's still a little time left before my class, are you planning on staying til then, as usual?"

"As usual," he bowed his head politely.

"Well then, I'd say you're a pretty great friend!"

●●●

She pushed herself up brutally, sitting still on her bed for a second. Her heartbeat was racing, the sound ringing in her ears. Her arms loosing strength and shaking. Her room felt entirely too small; the air was suffocating. Another nightmare. A frown slowly, painfully appeared on her face. She could deal with the stress later; it was time to get reay for work. Her nightmare woke her before her alarm could. She took a deep breathe before getting up and shutting it off.

Anna zoomed around her apartment, multitasking a routine she had memorized. Every breakfast was the same : peanut butter jelly sandwich with a cup of coffee; although the spread was interchangeable if she felt bored of PB&J. Milk was also optional. For her clothes, she had made herself a uniform composed of 5 different tops and 5 different pants, all to mix and match. All early morning decision stresses avoided, she finally washes up, packs her things and heads out the door. Her small underground apartment wasn't much, but it was humble for sure, decorated with items from her past as a highschool teacher.

Today was Tuesday and she was expecting to see Fred again. Fred has always been kind to her and she's very thankful for him. She's so new, most of her relationships are very professionally cordial, especially outside of her department, but not with him. He's funny, silly and kind; she enjoys his company, hearing about his interests and sharing her own. In fact, they both teach an underrated class : History and Mathematics are the base of many other disciplines. He can understand her struggles. Hopefully, enough so that he doesn't get tired of her presence...

No one wants to spend too much time inside her mind, not even herself. A thousand worries bounced off the walls in her head, giving her a headache. She shouldn't have drunk so many energy drinks last night. Not a very healthy idea; perhaps that may have caused her nightmare? She frowned to herself. Sitting in public transportation is the loneliest thing you can do with others. She wonders when the strange feeling in her throat would choose to leave.

●●●

Finally came time for her class! As per usual, Anna-Lee was ahead of time exactly 30 minutes to meet up with- oh. When she opened the classroom door, she was met with silence. The room was empty. Well, almost empty. On the edge of the desk rested a gentle bouquet of purple flowers. Anna slowly walked up to it; her back arched forward and her lips pressed tightly. A small note left beside the bouquet read as follows :

"Hey Anna! If you're reading this, you're probably confused. Well, the simple answer is that I'm sick. Nothing bad I promise; I'll be back next week! I just felt bad for leaving you in the dust, so I had a coworker leave you this present from me! Maybe next time I could contact you directly if you give me your number; you know, save us some time! -My warmest regards, Fred."

Up close, the bouquet was huge! She lifted the flowers up to her nose : they were lavender. She took a slow, deep breath and exhaled calmly. She giggled to herself; aren't you supposed to send flowers to the person who's ill? Not the other way around?? What a guy! Even without being here, he still manages to make today more bearable. Lavender is supposed to keep you calm and help you rest as well; he really thinks of everything. As much as she enjoyed the gift... where was she supposed to keep the flowers?

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6

#inside out 2 #inside out #inside out fear #inside out fandom #inside out anxiety #inside out au #panicfrog #anxifear #college au

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very-lucky · 3 months ago

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I have been deeply obsessed with Fields of Mistria since it launched and I just entered my Second Year on my farm, so I decided to compile a list of some things that I like about this game a lot so far.

You can jump. Over fences. There aren't gates (yet?), but you can jump and this isn't a thing you can do in any farming game. There's even a jump attack that you can unlock. It rocks.

Townsfolk will tell you what they like and what other townsfolk like. They may even give you the recipe for their favorite thing.

You can never plant a seed in the wrong season on accident. And if you plant a seed in the wrong place, you can dig it up before you water it to put it where you meant to have it.

You can make all your tools FOR FREE if you have the materials and doing that has the chance to give them power ups (once you've unlocked that skill)

NOT ONLY TOOLS BUT ARMOR ALSO. AND ARMOR DOESN'T TAKE UP INVENTORY SPACE IF YOU'RE WEARING IT.

You can decorate on half-squares. Get into it.

The relationships you make with townsfolk and the heart scenes that you have might just change things about the town itself. Highlighting Ryis for this one specifically.

The whole premise of the game is assisting a town after a disaster and providing disaster relief while also growing affection for each of the characters and the town as a whole. You do big projects to help the town and the town improves and provides you, the player, with more resources and activities to do.

The mines have different biomes and enemies and resources and COSMETICS that you can collect. There's really no shortage of things to collect here.

All the furniture sets play together in a really nice way where you are able to mix and match the looks you like. They're definite sets of furniture and some of them even have their own unique storage chests.

There's so much deep lore that I'm so excited about. It almost feels like by doing what there is of Early Access, I am now waiting for the next chapter to drop so I can learn more about this world and characters.

Inventory stacks limit at 999?! For everything?? I’ve never had a stack that big! (edited)

Characters outfits change every season.

You can always tell where villagers are on the map

Since Mistria is MAGICAL you can also grow crops in the winter.

That dragon is going to be romanceable. If the rumors are true, we may even have TWO romanceable dragons.

All the characters are interesting on their own and have relationships with each other beyond you. They are always having different conversations and talking about different stuff that they do and that other characters do and that YOU DO. I love them all. No flops.

I'm really hoping for more depth in the passage of time as the game develops. I would love to see either 1) a reason for time to be at a standstill in Mistria so it makes sense that the child characters are not aging as you spend multiple years in town or 2) time to actually progress and for characters to get older, especially as marriage and children come into the picture. I know this is a stretch and not everyone wants something like that... but I really liked it in A Wonderful Life as a concept and I think it would be neat here.

#fields of mistria #long post #farm sim #I love this game so much I can't stop making OCs #game diary #🍀

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acedcoffee · 8 months ago

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Not a meaningless crush: Ochako's crush on Izuku doesn't have much to do with Izuku at all

- Vague Manga Spoilers

Many people who watch My Hero Academia go through a similar process with Ochako Uraraka’s character: they think she’s the typical Female Lead That Could Be A Love Interest, then grow to like her when some of her motivations are revealed early in Season 1, and then get annoyed by her when the latter half of Season 2 – the Final Exam Arc – puts some focus on her crush on the main character, Izuku Midoriya.

While it seems like shallow and unnecessary fanservice, this crush of her serves an actual purpose in the plot and for her character, but not in the romantic sense. In fact, I'd argue that it doesn’t have much to do with Izuku at all.

Enter Himiko Toga. Here's a comment made by Horikoshi himself:

There's a lot of similaties between them, but here we're going to focus on the crush and romance aspect, to see why Ochako's crush on Izuku was a way to establish her relationship with Toga.

Season 2: Final Exams

The first proper focus we have of Ochako’s crush on Izuku is during the second half of season 2 - first during her final exam, and later in the final episode at the shopping mall.

Toga is also properly introduced to us during these episodes, although we see a glimpses of her (and Dabi) earlier in the Season.

Season 3: The Training Camp

This is where it really starts, as Ochako and Toga meet for the first time.

Tsuyu is also at the scene, and Toga shows an interest in both of then, referring to both of them as “cute”,

But she focuses more on Ochako, saying something along the lines of her sensing that Ochako has a crush on someone, which of course, was shown to us in the earlier episodes.

Tsuyu doesn’t have a crush on anyone, and thus recieves a little less of Toga’s attention.

A major point established about Toga’s character is that when she likes someone, she doesn’t only want to become like that person, but actually become that person.

As shown to us before, Ochako has a pretty high level of respect and admiration towards Izuku.

Toga notices this, and coupled with the crush, she assumes that Ochako also wants to be like Izuku “You want to be the same as the person you like, right?”

At this point, we’ve also learnt that Toga also has a crush on Izuku, and wants to become him.

So, it’s easy to understand that Toga thought Ochako would understand her in regards to this. [this is then confirmed in Chapter 289 and 348]

A conversation: Chapter 342

Toga is a villain that has killed a lot of people, and has no qualms about bringing destruction to the city.

Ochako has fought her a couple times, but only as a hero vs. a villain.

Their conversations [chapter 289] consisted of Ochako saying things that was obvious to her with the way her life has been up until now.

In her conversation with Izuku in chapter 342, she mentions how she realizes now that Toga is just a person too, and that what’s obvious for her doesn’t apply to Toga.

Izuku mentions how he feels the same with Shigaraki and the cying child inside him.

Chapter 394: Ochako vs. Toga

Yes, Ochako explicitely states that she fell in love in Izuku Midoriya.

No, that is not the point of the chapter.

The point is that her love and admiration made her want to be more like him, to see people’s hearts like he does. [re: chapter 342, Izuku trying to save Shigaraki’s heart]

As stated before, Ochako has realized that she hasn’t been trying to see Toga as more than a villain she had to defeat, and now she is reaching out, trying to save Toga’s heart even if it’s too late.

Love and Smiles

“Smiling is why we live our lives”. - Dabi to Toga, Chapter 341

This has always been their thing.

Toga, who has been cast out of society due her “weird” and “creepy” quirk, and the way she shows her love,

Toga, who wants a place where she can exist just the way she is, loving who she loves, and smiling when she wants to

Ochako, whose parents always happily encouraged her and made time for her even when they were struggling with money and tired from work

Ochako, whose eyes were drawn to the smiling citizens when a hero saved someone and defeated a villain, and wanted to be the reason for those smiles

Also reminder that as much as they are made for each other they also exist as characters outside of that

In conclusion,

People who think Ochako is nothing more than a heroine that has a crush on the main character are stupid and have no reading comprehension.

People who say that Ochako’s character “fell off” after the romance was introduced only care to see their bias about female leads proven right have no patience for the actual story.

Her crush is a way to establish her story with Toga.

[Edited to add the panel for ch.289]

#this was originally a ppt i made cause i saw one (1) negative post about ochako today #but honesty it was a long time coming #TOO MANY STUPID PEOPLE KEEP SLANDERING OCHAKO #THATS MY CHILD RIGHT THERE #another plus side of this is that now i have all the evidence at hand if anyone says anything #also chapter 394 and 395 made me cry #mha #bnha #my hero academia #uraraka ochako #toga himiko #midoriya izuku

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sixthsensewulf · 5 months ago

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Just more Gorgug things which turns into Zac's PCs things. . Since half the time in Intrepid Heroes campaigns. .Zac's characters always steal my heart. . .

Gorgug doesn't go into a violent rage. His rage is quiet, his anger is known in the protectiveness that he does for his friends.

Like if you look at bad kids as a whole.. naturally you would assume the half orc is the barbarian because of the height difference of the group and the weapon of choice. But the personality doesn't match up... And besides it's an adventuring academy.. anyone could do anything. The half orc could have multi classed.. he is the quiet, reserved member of the group. One of the designated drivers for the bad kids. He has a healthy relationship with his emotions, if he doesn't well he has the rest of his party to lean on. He was a bullied kid by one of his party members early on freshman year and yet they have gotten on so well. When he loses it, he loses it in a way that doesn't harm his friends. The anger is directed towards his enemy or the creature that they are fighting. He doesn't raise his voice that often.

He literally is the personification of "Don't anger the quiet friend"..

WHICH come to think of it. . .I've noticed that it is a common theme throughout Zac's PCs actually.

PiP in Neverafter. .the only one who didn't yell in anger. . His anger was cold, threats etc. "Do you want to join him?", his early interactions with Alphonse. "Where did you go buddy? Where did you go when we needed you most my friend?"

Skip in ASO. . Not so much Skip but mostly Norman...but again, there wasn't that much anger around in that ship. .the anger at the slug dynasty could count. .

Lapin in aCoC... Yep this guy has a quiet anger with him. Although he and Theo have those heated discussions.. it's more Lapin enjoying the fact that he can pull that anger out of Theo, he never was upset or angry at the captain. His anger was directed at the sugar plum fairy, at the bulb, at the hand that the entire Rocks Family was dealt.

Finally Ricky. . . From Unsleeping City. . He literally is the "don't mess with or piss off the quiet one". In chapter 2. . Tony, one of the bads of that season, kidnapped Ester, tried to annoy Sofia, ended up pissing off Esther's partner. Someone that Tony had no real contact with each other. Someone that no relationship with Tony at all. And yet... Ricky needed a "fucking weapon". . .and using his partner's old magical bat The only time that he had sworn.. The only time that he actually wanted to hurt someone and resort to violence immediately. Another anger moment was Ricky with Cody in the Questing Blade moment. . the rest of the group (the voxs and Sofia) seeing Ricky punch something in anger. Sofia also punching a wall is normal for them.. . But Ricky? That is new. . . The voxs calming Ricky down so he can help deal with the issue of everything in the tunnel to the best of his ability.

#dimension 20 #d20 #wulf ramble tag #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #d20 fantasy high #d20 neverafter #a crown of candy #d20 unsleeping city

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nsyncat · 8 months ago

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OK, so this is my first post EVER since I joined Tumblr like ten years ago. Always been a lurker, enjoying all of the wonderful things here, the gifs, fics, ships, art, all the knowledge and all the amazing heritage posts, but never posting and hardly reblogging, I don't know why, was always afraid I would make a mistake or reblogg incorrectly...

Anyway, the reason this is my first time posting is because THAT amazing moment that happened a week ago, and I've been losing my mind ever since, and unfortunately I have nobody to share this excitement with that will understand... So I had to get it out somehow, and here seems like the perfect place to do so.

I don't know if anybody will read this or pay it any attention, but never mind, I just have TO. GET. IT ALL. OUT!

So I've been a loyal fan of 9-1-1 this past six years, got hooked to these kind of first responders dramas, also Station 19 and then of course Lone Star. I fell in love with the writing, the drama and action, the characters of course, the emotional and moving stories, both of the regular cast and the people in the emergencies (am not afraid to admit that I cried more than a few times, especially when I was pregnant... woooh, that was a tough season for me).

Anyway, like everyone else, got invested in Buck's storyline and of course hopped on the Buddie train in season 2. And obviously there was something between them, and the fandom always clowned themselves that "in the next season SOMETHING is going to happen!" and I always wanted to believe it, and also fooled myself a few times but always was the cold harsh realist and realised it was not going to happen... But enjoyed the ride nonetheless, read amazing fics, saw wonderful fanart, read interesting breakdowns and analysis.

And then 704 happened and I'm not joking or exaggerating, my life changed!

Confirming that Buck is Bi was amazing! I'm ashamed to admit that I really thought it won't happen, EVER! So I still can't believe it actually happened (thank you soooo much ABC!) and like a lot of you, I've been on cloud nine this past week and can't wait for tomorrows episode (also not from the US), literally counting down the hours.

And look, I love Buddie, I really do, but I fell in love with TEVAN (my favourite one yet) 😍 and been OBSESSED with them this past week. Just from those few moments between them and what we barely know that is going to happen the next episode, I truly fell in love with them and really hope they make it as far as they can. I think its an amazing thing for Buck and also CANT. STOP. WATCHING THE KISS! The actors did an incredible job, especially Oliver, also with his spoken support of the storyline and his love for Buck. Such a KING! So this whole thing is huge.

And I have a one-year-old, my life is hectic with taking care of a little human being, a hubby who is also very busy, work, family and a million other things and this past year with a heavy heart I kinda neglected reading fics, and it was my main hobby, my escape, my one and constant thing in my LIFE since I was 12. I do read here and there, but not like I used to, reading hours and hours and into the night, multi chapters and long oneshots, in multiple fandoms, and now whenever I do get to read something once In a blue moon I'm not fully invested or enjoying it because either I'm tired or have something else more important to do. And unfortunately, eventually I noticed that I lost this fire, the passion in me and it left me sad and heartbroken...

And then something incredible happened. Ever since that earth-shattering kiss, the fire and passion came back! Holy shit! I've been reading and ENJOYING fics nonstop this whole week, I can't concentrate on work thinking about everything and reading in-between tasks, I use every single free minute I have to search new fics and scroll through the tags, I go to sleep late because I need to read just one more fic(!!!) even tough I have to wake up very early in the morning and I DON'T EVEN CARE. I'm thinking about it sooo much and imagining new scenarios in my head, and feeling giddy and happy, in a good mood a lot of the time, more optimistic, knowing I have a new and exciting place I can "escape" to, like I had in the past.

Its not that i'm not happy, I have an amazing son and a wonderful husband and I cherish every moment with them, but these are hard and difficult times and life can be hard and stressful and I'm a different kind of happy... So these past few days have been nourishment for my soul and my mood, it sounds so silly but its true! I'm feeling a bit like my old self and it's amazing.

And if someone did read this or did pay attention and got to this point, sorry for the long rant and thank you so much for the patience and understanding 🙏 I love you and wish you a wonderful weekend and happy Buck's-first-date-with-a-man day! 🥰

So I want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, ABC, Oliver, Lou and you crazy lot for resurrecting my old fangirl self 😌 I'm so grateful for all your posts, your takes, your similar enjoyment and of course your amazing fics you're writing and sharing 🩵

#911 abc #buck x tommy #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 season 7 #personal #oliver stark #lou ferrigno jr #911 #tevan

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harringroveobsessed · 3 months ago

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@robthegoodfellow @feedthefandomfest

All done! Thank you for this challenge, although I never need an excuse to binge Harringrove I’ve had a grand old time 🩷

Billy and max - these streets will make you feel brand new by whenyouwishuponastar @whenyouwishuponastar7

Another one of my favourites. Sneaky successful Billy and a flustered Steve trying (and failing) not to fall head over heels in love with the hot guy on the subway. Lots of Robin and Steve fun too. It’s so gooood, I’ve read it too many times to count and adore it every time!

Fix it - Billy Hargrove Is Not Dead melanie_bxx @harringroveera

Another of my favourites. I used to sit every Tuesday staring at my phone waiting for my email with a new chapter. Billy gets his man and a family all in one go. So much lighthearted fun and good vibes in this fic, it always puts a smile on my face. My ultimate fix it Billy fic of all time.

Soft Billy - spinning out (waiting for you) by unlikely_alliance

It’s season 4 with bonus added BILLY so naturally it’s amazing. Little found family action with Billy and the Byers/El which is sweet. Soft boys falling in love while vecna tries to kill everyone and end the world. It has everything you would want to read.

Gay Billy - .｡❅*⋆⍋* Warm Nights at Frosty Heights *⍋⋆*❅｡. By BouncyPickle

Harringrove antics at a fancy fucking 80’s ski lodge. Come on now that’s just fucking amazing. 9 chapters of Steve absolutely wooing Billy with everything he’s got. I smile whenever I even think about this one. It’s just super fun and lighthearted and COSY and makes me feel like Christmas came early.

Billy redemption- Something Like a Family by HashtagLEH

I’m forever obsessed with this one, season 2/3 with much, much more Billy. Like he’s there from the start. Billy & El are besties. Max and Billy fix their shit. Harringrove sweet sweet slow burn. It’s basically how the series would have gone if Harringrove fans could have had their way. Amazing.

Hurt Billy -What If You Loved Me by firstiwasliketheniwaslike

This fic broke my heart several times but it’s already on my reread list. Happy ending though obviously do not fear it just takes a long while to get there. Lots of good honest hurt Billy in this one. There is just so much story spanning over so much time I can’t even summarise anything. You just gotta read it to appreciate it!

Top Billy - California dreaming by writer_in_theory @writer-in-theory

6 years after Billy’s ‘death’ guess who finds him working in a tattoo shop (!)… Steve obviously. I love this one, anything with past lovers coming back to each other has me on board and this fic stole my heart. It’s just lovely and the boys get their happy ending on the beach. I couldn’t ask for more from this fic it’s perfect.

#harringrove #harringrove fic #Harringrove fic recs #feed the fandom bingo

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the-conversation-pod · 7 months ago

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Let's Go, Lesbians! (A Japanese GL Episode)

And we're back! This week we're back with @ginnymoonbeam to talk about Toxic Yuri in Chaser Game W and Food Yuri in She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat. Join us as we talk about pouring champagne on your ex's head, slapping your mean boss and her big ass red outfit into next week, choosing yourself over your cruel family, becoming the best gay you can be, and marshmallow parties.

Also, because we did not talk about it in the recording, we want to repost Rina Sawayama's Chosen Family song because this scene was so powerful in SLTCSLTE.

youtube

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Introduction 00:02:45 - Chaser Game W: A Flop 00:18:31 - She Loves To Cook, and She Loves To Eat 00:23:14 - SLTCSLTE: The Women 00:34:18 - SLTCSLTE: Yako and The New House 00:39:17 - SLTCSLTE: The Food and Nagumo 00:43:02 - SLTCSLTE: Depictions of Intimacy 00:50:53 - SLTCSLTE Ratings and Outro

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re your drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Introduction

Ben

And we're back. This week, we're talking about lesbians, finally! And we brought a friend along.

NiNi

Say hi Ginny.

Ginny

Hello!

NiNi

Ginny is here with us and we are going to talk two Japanese GLs, Chaser Game W and She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat.

Ben, what did you think, like, sort of overarching about these two before we delve into the nitty gritty?

Ben

I thought Chaser Game W gave us a lot to anticipate early on, and unfortunately went in the direction we did not want it to go. Ended up being kind of a mess toward the end? I did not end up walking away too happy with it.

With She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat season 2, this time we had twenty 15-minute episodes and they had things to do and say with that time and I have a lot of things to say about that show. [laughs]

NiNi

Ginny, what are your overarching thoughts about these two shows?

Ginny

I had high hopes for Chaser Game W because I always want more toxic lesbians. [NiNi laughs] I want to see the girls get to be messy, I want to see complicated dynamics. And I did really enjoy the first couple episodes, but it kind of felt like the characterizations really fell apart as the series progressed, which was a big disappointment.

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat was a delight. Every time I sat down to watch it, my heart was full and happy and warm.

00:02:45 - Chaser Game W: A Flop

NiNi

We always go from worst to first on this show, so let's start with Chaser Game W.

Ben, what is Chaser Game W about?

Ben

Chaser Game W is about a team of women at a game development studio in Japan who have been contracted to develop basically a demo for a GL adaptation, by a Chinese company named Vincent. It gets complicated by their project manager from the Chinese team, who clearly has beef with one of their team members and just spends most of the early show fucking with her because she's mad that they broke up in college. And then a bunch of other shit happens that is kind of weird.

NiNi

Okay, that's a hell of a description [laughs].

Ben

I'm sorry! Like, it starts off being a show that looks like it's playing into the complex dynamics about workplace power and possibly sexual harassment, and then kind of loses its way because it wants to be this mess of a story about lesbians with families and the difficult choices they have to make, and where do the husbands and children fit in this, and how does this play into career expectations? Bosses who might also be queer but evil queers?

And it's not necessarily a very coherent experience. There's a lot of ideas that sound good when you describe them to people, but in practice really weren't that satisfying to watch. This was not the Japanese GL experience I was hoping for.

NiNi

Ginny, what about you? What are your thoughts on Chaser Game W?

Ginny

It did seem like it was setting up to have some messages about not only the sexuality components, but also things about women in the workplace and being a mother and balancing those expectations… dealing with sexual harassment… all of that. But it didn't end up saying much that was meaningful to me about it, it just was like, ‘these are issues!’ If you try to draw any kind of conclusion from what the show is doing, you end up with some really messy messages.

The way that the evil queer boss came in was so funny to me. One of the selling points of this show is this strong femdom, woman in power exacting humiliation dynamic. But halfway through the show, we're resolving the relationship between the two women, so Fuyu, our previous femdom power boss, is not going to be that anymore. So we have to bring in a new one — and it just did not work for me.

NiNi

It was the dom getting dommed. It was like an inception of domming. It was a little strange. There were definitely some Chinese-Japanese dynamics in there. I don't have the cultural competency to pick up on entirely what they were doing, but it was pretty clear from the way that the show was operating. I don't know if it's stereotype, but it was clear that there was something going on there; my cultural competency in this area is not enough to figure out exactly what was going on there.

Ben

It was kind of weird seeing a Japanese show complaining about unrealistic expectations of Chinese developers? This is not a uniquely Chinese problem.

NiNi

I feel like it being set in gaming almost didn't matter to that side of things? They wanted to have this difference the show sees in working cultures be stark and to say something about that difference. But the supposed center of this, aside from the game and the development of the game, is a relationship between Fuyu and Itsuki. It's an extremely convoluted central story that just seems to serve as an excuse for why Fuyu, when she comes back to Japan, hates Itsuki so much.

The writing feels slightly unnecessarily complicated, but I actually rather enjoyed quite a lot of bits of this. I enjoyed, for example, the direction. I thought the camera was very assured, I thought it was very clear. I don't know if this is an original story or if it's coming from manga, but the direction is very very clear to me. I really enjoyed watching the camera move. The shots are really effective. But the story itself? It's not like I thought necessarily that… the story was badly told? I'm just not sure that it was the story that I wanted. Where we're going in the beginning with Fuyu, a mean lesbian comes back and is mean to her ex-girlfriend, I felt like, okay, that's where we're going. And then, suddenly, Fuyu is married and Fuyu has a daughter and there's all this stuff around the husband and Fuyu’s feelings, or not-feelings, about the husband. It got a little muddy.

But even with all of that, I think I probably enjoyed it more than you guys did. And I think part of the reason is that I binged it? So I didn't sit with a lot of these feelings or a lot of the confusion for very long.

Ben

It was not a fun week to week watch. As it started to deviate and get lost in itself, it was not fun to be like, 'oh right, this is where we were, all right, let's go and see how this week goes. Ohh… no. Okay.'

You asked about whether it's original or an adaptation. It is an adaptation. The original work is about power harassment, but I believe Itsuki’s character is a man? A lot about the show made sense once we realized that it was not an original queer story being adapted. A lot of it felt really tacked on to justify the drama and not really something that the writing really contextualized or dwelled on, at all.

Ginny

There were a lot of big character turns and big decisions made without a lot of grounding in why this character would make this choice. Once the mystery of their past is explained, you do understand why they reconcile suddenly, but then all of their choices afterwards just felt baffling to me. I'm not getting any kind of character journey. The show is like, well, this happens now, and then this happens now, and then they do this thing that you didn't expect. And I want to know why!

NiNi

I… feel like in some bits I was cottoning onto it, and then in some bits I was not. For example, when Itsuki starts to take care of Fuyu’s daughter, when she comes over and realizes that the husband's left and her daughter needs taking care of. I followed that bit of the character journey. I understood in some ways why, when the husband came back, Fuyu felt maybe guilty?

There was also, like, a little thing which I was really surprised didn't go anywhere. Early in the show the husband was video chatting with, I think his mother. And she says something like, 'you know, you have to be good to Fuyu. You're so lacking, and she is with you anyway.' that made me think that their marriage was lavender? I genuinely thought that they had some kind of arrangement or agreement — and then to find out later down the line that the husband actually was in love with her and was jealous of the thing that she had with Itsuki? That came out of nowhere for me. And then everything that followed on from there kind of didn't track, almost.

Did either of you get that feeling initially from the husband and were surprised or was that just me?

Ginny

My sense was that the husband had been perceived as not a good marriage prospect. Probably it was not earning a lot of money and had other loserish qualities or something. So my sense from the conversation was that that was what she was talking about. I certainly didn't ever get the sense that he was in love with her, exactly? Even when he's upset, it felt more to me kind of about pride. You can't have your wife sleeping around. That's an embarrassment. I don't think there were any deep feelings in that marriage.

NiNi

I don't even think either of them really had extremely deep feelings for their daughter. Like I think Fuyu loves her daughter, but in a distracted kind of way, almost? The only depth of feeling that I felt anywhere was between Fuyu and Itsuki, and even that was tied up in all this anger and bitterness and guilt and whatever else. That's a direction to go in for sure, but it really didn't make me understand why they wanted to be together, and then why they decided not to be together… and then in the end, why Fuyu comes back out of nowhere.

It's all muddled and mixed for me, especially the closer that we get to the end. But like I said, I don't think that I had as bad a time with it as other people might have.

Ben

I had a very bad time. [Ben and NiNi laugh]

This show was aggravating. We've been talking about this a lot on the show lately about how much work we think we should do for a show to like, meet them emotionally, where they're trying to take us. There are times when either the writing or the performance doesn't necessarily get you all the way there? And you kind of have to just feel it for the show. But this show just does not feel complete. There are a bunch of ideas that are fine on their own, like, ‘and then she comes in here and then she pours a fucking champagne on her head.’ That's an unhinged lesbian behavior that I have seen happen in person! So like, I totally believed that.

NiNi

Oh yeah.

Ben

But then Fuyu’s turn where she’s suddenly nice to other women in the company that they're in and stops being a huge dick to the other moms, that just doesn't really track? Like, what changed in that moment? I don't really know how we went there. They had her suddenly start being nice to them so they could be on the same team against Big Red.

NiNi

I'm so mad that you called her Big Red, but it kinda works. [Ben and NiNi laugh] I'm not gonna call her anything except Big Red now.

Ben

I did not remember what her character name was. Her name was Big Red.

Ginny

That's her name now, yep [laughs].

Ben

Like it was funny when Itsuki was like, 'Fuck off, Big Red' and knocked her ass down. [all laugh]

All these moments are like, well, that was amusing on its own, but it doesn't really come together as a coherent story unto itself. There’s this huge branching point later on where it's basically the supporting cast trying to seduce a guy to give them information to save the game, and that's happening separately from the drama with Itsuki, Fuyu, Fuyu’s husband, Big Red and all the drama going on there.

NiNi

I want to talk a little bit about the actual game development plot, because that stuff was wild. They're preparing whatever they have to do to develop this game, and along the way they're going through literal sexual harassment. There's a point in time that they're trying to get information from this artist. And this guy is a caricature of a sexual harasser, like at one point there are five of these female game developers in his house, and they're literally peeling this guy off of each other as he gropes them. And I'm just like, is this normal or is this exaggerated? I don't even know?

Ben

Actually, it felt like most of that was actually normal.

NiNi

That is terrifying.

Ben

The drama with the team felt pretty straightforward for me. You had women in the team having varied responses to the sexual harassment. One of them was like, 'I will absolutely not compromise myself and use sex to get ahead' and another one was like, 'I will, I got this for us.' [Ben and NiNi laugh] I thought that was fine. I didn't mind there being a character who is willing to use men's desire to advance her goals and her team’s goals. I liked that it wasn't required only for her to do that, that there were other people who didn't want to do it that way accomplishing things for their team. The up and down of, ‘is this game going to get developed or not, the expectations of our client keep changing, it seems to be for reasons well beyond us and other drama’ — that felt fairly normal for trying to get any sort of major creative endeavor with the expensive team off the ground. Most of the game development stuff tracked normally for me. Even the whole plot line about poaching talent and then dumping talent: that is a real problem right now. That sort of stuff mostly tracked for me. I wasn't that fussed about the game development stuff and the workplace conditions that they were working under.

It was the stuff about Fuyu and Itsuki's relationship and the motivations around them romantically, and other characters’ reactions to it, that is where I struggled the most with this. It wasn't a show that left you in a cool place at the end of an episode and picked up in a great place with the next episode. Spending two months watching this was not a great experience.

NiNi

I think my rating’s definitely going to be higher than you guys, so I'll go first.

Ben

Okay.

NiNi

I'm gonna say 7. To me, bits are cool and I can follow generally where this is going, and the bits that I thought were weird were not offensive. It wasn’t very good, but it wasn't terrible.

Ben

Ginny?

Ginny

I gave it a 5.5. 6 is my mad-I-watched-it threshold. Anything 6 or higher might be very bad, but I'm not mad I watched it. Below a 6 I'm kind of mad that I watched it. That's where this one landed for me.

Fuyu was very beautiful, and I did enjoy watching her every week. But when that's the nicest thing I have to say about a show, it's not good.

Ben

It gave this a 4. It is not recommended. I don't think this is a good lesbian story. I don't think this is a good game development story. I don't think it's a good workplace story. It is a mess. This was developed by the same person who made His the movie, so I am very confused how we ended up with something that absolutely failed on the queer front like this. I do not get it. When this show was confused, it lands on the wrong side of the coin a lot. And it felt like at the very last five minutes they were doing a shit ton of clean up. I don't think this show is worthwhile.

NiNi

That's gonna land us somewhere in the 5ish range overall?

Ben

Round it down, because it sucks! [all laugh] It gets a 5 from The Conversation.

NiNi

So that is officially a chop.

00:18:31 - She Loves To Cook, and She Loves To Eat

NiNi

All right. So we're gonna leave that behind and we're going to move on to She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat.

Ben, give us the synopsis. What is She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat about?

Ben

Okay, let me be much nicer now because this is one of my favorite shows now. So, [laughs] She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat is like the lesbian neighbor of What Did You Eat Yesterday? We have a young woman who's a programmer. She feels like she's like late 20s, early 30s. Her name is Nomoto. She runs like a food account on Instagram, and whenever she's in a bad mood and needs to work through some stuff, she ends up making too much food, and she has a small appetite, so it goes to waste. She has a neighbor who is a taller, bigger woman, and on a whim one night she invites her over to share food with her. And this is the beginning of their friendship that eventually becomes a more serious relationship.

Second season picks up with twice as many episodes, and boy did they need them. We spend this season with Nomoto and Kasuga befriending their new, younger woman neighbor. Nomoto becomes a full-time employee at her work and develops a more reliable friendship with Sayama. She also befriends her Twitter friend Yako, who is basically one of us. She loves her stories, she loves her little food, and she loves hearing about other people's drama and poking them to get their shit together. I love her so much.

It was a really delightful season watching these two grow closer, figure out what their relationship was going to be, and develop that into more as they dealt with some of their real personal and professional issues. I really, truly loved the season.

Ginny, you were fairly recent to watching this, so you watched the first and second season basically as one dedicated viewing experience. What was your experience engaging with this for the first time in the last month or so?

Ginny

It was very fun. I did this as my unwinding as I was moving in with my girlfriend who is the loves to eat in our relationship, where I'm the loves to cook. So it was a lovely experience. The two seasons flow so seamlessly into each other. Season 2 picks up right where season 1 left off so I'm kind of glad I did it this way. I think I might have been a little frustrated at the end of season 1, especially having to wait and not knowing if we'd get more, because they don't entirely confirm their relationship by the end of that? It's understood that they're very important to each other and they have this very meaningful place in each other's lives, celebrating holidays together, but they don't even start to have conversations about what their relationship is until we're a little ways into season 2. So I'm glad that I got to watch it all unfold as a single story.

So many details of, just the way that that develops between them felt so realistic to journeys that I've seen between two women who are close friends and realize that they might have romantic feelings for each other. All of the angsting you do about that, and the 'what does this mean' and the 'what does it even mean to love someone romantically instead of as just this very special, most importantest friend in the world,' — just so many little details were perfectly done and extremely relatable. It was just gorgeous.

Ben

NiNi, since you watched the first season and angsted with the rest of us about whether or not it was going to come back, and whether or not that second season was gonna be good, what were your overall impressions of the second season after you walked away from it?

NiNi

I loved it, but I knew I was going to love it. I had some angst in the middle of the season that we're probably gonna get to, not bad angst. Just, ‘oh, I wonder if they're doing this thing that I think that they're doing.’ But I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I love so much how the show expands in this season. The first season is very tightly focused, mostly on Nomoto and Kasuga, whereas this season expands outward to show you some of the other people in their life and show you them developing their relationships with these other people, some new, some not. I always love stories that show you the life that these people are living. So I thoroughly enjoyed this season, had a great time with it.

00:23:14 - SLTCSLTE: The Women

Ben

There were a lot of presentations of various women's issues that played out this season. Do the two of you have particular storylines that you especially enjoyed, or connected to?

Ginny

I love Nagumo's story. I think the one I connected to most was probably Kasuga, but I thought bringing in Nagumo as someone who could receive some mentorship from these two women and also [laughs] kind of help coach Kasuga through her feelings revelation, and relationship transition… it was a beautiful relationship and a wonderful addition, and the way that her character brings a different perspective on the whole nature of food and communal eating was also just a gorgeous touch.

Ben

What about you, NiNi? Did you have a particular plot line that you enjoyed or connected to?

NiNi

We got some stuff on the fringes about Sayama trying to date and looking to potentially get married, realizing and talking to Nomoto that she can't get married if she wants to, and then that leading Sayama to think about whether she even wants to get married. That resonated in a particular kind of way. It was a quiet little side runner, it didn't take up a lot of space in the story, but it did hit me. We end the season without really an answer from Sayama on that, but the fact that she started thinking about it? That resonated with me, for sure.

Ben

What I love about Sayama as a straight character in this narrative is: queer people don't fit the heterosexual mold, and loving queer people forces you to reckon with why we don't. And then that can often open up things for you, as well. I really loved her apology scene with Nomoto. Recognizing that her working through her own ambivalence about marriage is dismissive of the fact that it's not even an option available for Nomoto.

Ginny

You also have Kasuga's coworker, who's older and is getting a divorce after her children have grown up. Getting a divorce is extremely liberating for her. It really does show this kind of 360 view of heterosexual marriage not necessarily being right for all heterosexual women.

Ben

I think it's notable that when they show multiple older women working at this grocery store, they're all like, 'mm-mm, divorce was the right call for me, because I don't think it's right that I'm expected to take care of my husband's family and everybody else does nothing, and that's gonna be my entire existence.' And I love how explicit she was, she told Kasuga straight up: if you were my own daughter, who I do have, I would tell her the same thing, and I would say please live your life. Do not sacrifice your life for a bunch of other people who do not appreciate what you want for your life. Because Kasuga decided to sever ties with her family, because they did not respect her and they wanted her to just take care of them, and sacrifice anything she wanted for her life. It was really lovely that the show went out of its way to be explicit about that.

NiNi

Since we're already sort of diving into it, let's lean into that storyline. Kasuga left home a long time ago and decided to live her life. Kasuga has a brother who is the favored child, but Kasuga’s brother does nothing. Now Kasuga's parents are older and ill, and her grandparents are older and ill and need taking care of. And so Kasuga's dad has started looking for her now. He's like, 'Well, you're not married, whatever you're doing isn't important, you gotta come home and take care of everybody.' It only comes to her doorstep because her aunt gives her father both her number and address, because 'oh, you’re a family, you shouldn’t not talk to each other.' Her aunt thinks she's doing the right thing, but this is definitely not the right thing for Kasuga. Kasuga's father has never appreciated her as a person, has never cared about her as a person, has only focused on his son. And now he wants Kasuga to take care of him essentially until he dies. Kasuga really struggles with this. She wonders, is this my responsibility? Is this something that I have to do? Is she a bad daughter if she doesn't do this? What does this mean for her? Fujita tells her, 'Look, if you were my daughter, I would tell you do not go. You don't have a responsibility to give up your life for somebody else.'

All the conversations that Kasuga has with her father, she has them in her car. She does not talk to him when she is in her house, her safe space? She does not speak to her father in there. When she has decided that she's not going home, not just not going home, but never going home again, she sits in the car and has the conversation where she tells him, 'I'm not ever coming home. Don't contact me again.' And then she goes from the car straight to Nomoto. And Nomoto gets so furious on her behalf that she starts to cry. She's like, 'I can't believe that this man made you feel this way about yourself. He's a horrible person.' Basically, everything that Kasuga needed to hear, she got from Nomoto in that moment.

I am an eldest daughter. I have a fantastic relationship with my family. And any caregiving I do is of my own volition, and I am happy to do it. It is still tiring. It is still exhausting. Even when it is received with gratitude and happiness and love, it is hard to do. If you have to take care of people who don't care about you? You can feel like you're dying. I am certain about it. That expectation being placed on you is hard enough. To do it for people [who] do not love you — because I do not think Kasuga’s father loves her — is impossible. And so I had a lot of feelings about it while it was happening, but watching her say, 'No, I am not going to just let go of my entire life and everything that I want for this person.'

And then to have Fujita tell her, 'if you were my daughter,' which releases her from that burden of thinking about her mother — because that's the other part of the guilt that she's feeling. Not necessarily guilt towards her father, but the fact that if she doesn't come home, her mother's gonna have to do all of this. And she thinks about her mother all the time. It's just, it's so much. It's so deep. It's so intense. It's so delicious. And it's not what you expect to get out of a story that's told in little 15-minute episodes! It really isn't.

Ginny

I'm also an eldest daughter and feel so much of that. I spent my childhood, really, like Kasuga, very aware that there were a lot of things I was expected to give up. The way that that sinks into your brain… you just feel like, 'I am worth what I can do for people.'

What struck me the most in that conversation with Nomoto when Kasuga first tells her what she's done, is Nomoto begs her to keep living her life here where she's thriving, and to keep being happy. Through their whole relationship, Nomoto has taken such joy in Kasuga’s love of eating and just celebrated that this gives you pleasure and you're taking pleasure, and that's a wonderful thing. And in this moment, she kind of expands it to Kasuga's whole life. And she says, please don't ever go somewhere where you can't thrive, where you can't feel joy, where you can't feel loved, and yourself. To hear someone say that? I think I did cry in that scene. You need to hear someone say that. Someone who grew up like Kasuga needs someone who loves you begging you to take care of yourself and to do what brings you joy. The heart of their relationship and what draws them together is how deeply Nomoto celebrates Kasuga taking care of herself and being taken care of and experiencing pleasure. It's beautiful.

Ben

I really enjoyed the way that continued in the whole strawberry debacle.

NiNi

[laughs] The strawberry thing. It was so funny. [Ginny laughs] It was so cute, too. It was really cute. This is after they've started dating, but their relationship hasn't changed very much. And so she asked Nagumo, is there something that she should be doing? Which I found adorable.

Ginny

It's so real.

Ben

It's funny, too, because Nagumo admits she doesn't have much experience either [Ginny laughs], and is like, 'You could, like, go do things you both like doing? Together? That sounds right.' [all laugh]

NiNi

It’s so funny. And that's when she sees this flyer for the strawberry picking. And she's like, 'Oh, okay, I like strawberry picking. I should ask Nomoto to go strawberry picking with me. That's like the kind of thing that people do when they're in relationships, right?'

Ben

'That's, like, a food thing. She likes to make food. This might be fun!' Kasuga doesn't really say what she wants to do, she just hands it to Nomoto and is like, 'Hey, I thought this might be fun for us to do' and Nomoto’s like, 'Oh, yeah, that sounds great. We can maybe go vegetable picking and then make some stuff afterwards.' And Kasuga doesn't really speak up about what she maybe wanted.

Late in the day Nomoto realizes Kasuga maybe wanted to go check out a restaurant in the area, and wanted to maybe do strawberry picking instead. And Nomoto ends up feeling so bad about this, feeling like she was not really receptive to what Kasuga actually wanted, and like she was steamrolling her. This plays out across almost two or three episodes, but the culmination is Nomoto saying very clearly to Kasuga, 'I want you to be selfish with me. I want you to feel like you can want things and express them. It's really important to me that you are doing the things you enjoy.'

Ginny

And Kasuga admits that that's hard for her. Another moment that rang so true for me, for both of them.

Ben

So much of their relationship is Nomoto getting intense pleasure [laughs] out of watching Kasuga enjoy herself.

00:34:18 - SLTCSLTE: Yako and The New House

Ben

I'd like to talk about my favorite character of the season.

NiNi

Ben wants to talk about Yako. Let's go.

Ben

Yako is the best thing that has happened to BL and GL in the last two years. [laughs]

NiNi

She's really just like us. [laughs]

Ben

No character’s been a better audience stand in than an asexual lesbian enjoying her wine and her takeout, watching gay movies with other girls, and then hearing about their relationship drama and giving completely reasonable advice by just asking questions.

Ginny

Best life.

Ben

I love her so much. She is everything that I am trying to be every day. [NiNi laughs] And she's good at it! [laughs] She never tells anybody, 'Just do it.' She's just like, 'What are you feeling? How do you feel if you don't do it? Well, there you go.’

And then they have the curry party? That looked like so much fun. They all go over to Yako's house and meet her properly. Nomoto and Kasuga take Nagumo with them. And they make a bunch of different curry, and naan, and some fancy juice, and they have themselves a good-ass time. And this leads to Yako becoming friends with Nagumo, and she ends up becoming a confidante to Nagumo as well. She recognizes after the girls reveal they're gonna move out that somebody should check on Nagumo, who has probably gotten used to having two really reliable neighbors who care about her, and how Nagumo might be anxious about saying, like, she misses them and still wants to see them. Even as Nagumo admits, moving out is the right call for them, I love that Yako gave Nagumo space to admit that she was a bit bummed that she was gonna not be living next to two solid friends anymore.

I love Yako so much. She is in competition for blorbo of the year.

NiNi

Yako has the best ideas for parties, too, like the first time she had the watch party with Nomoto, they've both got snacks and drinks, and they're talking about what they've got for their snacks and their drinks and then they watch a lesbian movie and they cry. [Ben and Ginny laugh] It’s so good. Literally, Yako is really just like us.

The only thing I'm sad about in this entire season is that Sayama hasn't yet become a part of this whole little group that they have, but she will. I know she will.

Ben

They just moved in together. They got a big space. There's room for Fujita and Sayama to show up for another party they're gonna have. These two could host all six major female characters at their new place.

Let's talk about the new place while we're here. Where…?

[all laugh]

NiNi

Go ahead. I know you want to.

Ben

I love Kasuga. I love everything about her. I love her big chair, I love her big bed, I love her big TV. I need to know where these things are going to go in the new space. [NiNi laughs] Nomoto is totally fine to just use her iPad as her fill-in device for all of her tech needs and entertainment needs. I understand Kasuga. When I moved out, I got myself two big-ass TVs! I need to know where this goes in their new space.

NiNi

[laughs] Doing it real big, right?

Ben

Mhmm! Her car real big. Shoes real big. TV real big. Everything real big.

NiNi

We can talk a little bit about the new space. It looks really good. I like the way that it feels like both of them, which is exactly what you want in a place where you’re gonna be moving in together. But can we just talk about how U-Haul lesbian it is of them to get together and immediately start talking about moving in together?

Ginny

Hang on, they started talking about moving in together [Ben laughs] and then got together. That was the order! [NiNi laughs] They were like—

NiNi

That is true, that is fair.

Ginny

—'I’m gonna move.'

'Oh my God. I can't bear the thought of you leaving, but I understand why you have to.'

'Well, it's okay ‘cause I was going to ask if you wanted to move in. Also, are we in love with each other?'

Like, that was the conversation. [NiNi laughs]

Ben

'And we finally picked a place to live. Do you wanna make out for the first time?'

NiNi

[laughs] And the other good part of it is that before any of this, they somehow adopted a child together.

Ben

Right?

Ginny

Yeah! This all tracks. This is all very typical.

NiNi

Mmhmm. This felt like the correct order of things for lesbians.

00:39:17 - SLTCSLTE: The Food and Nagumo

NiNi

Okay, we need to talk about food.

Ben

Okay.

NiNi

Because Ben started talking about the curry party and I got excited.

Ben

I got hungry, I need to go make food after this. [Ben and Ginny laugh]

NiNi

We didn't even talk yet about the takoyaki party. I am not a huge fan of takoyaki, but that looked really good.

Ben

All right, as we go into the food, let's talk about Nagumo's eating disorder, because I think that this is one of my favorite food plots in a food show in a long time.

NiNi

One of the things about these food shows is that it's about the communal experience of food. Nagumo has a social anxiety disorder where she can't eat in front of other people. The way that this is brought to the surface, and then the way that Kasuga and Nomoto figure out how to include her in the communal experience without trying to force her to eat or making it an anxious space for her where other people are eating… There's something about Kasuga that just reads incredibly reliable from the off. So when Nagumo first meets Kasuga, she very quickly gets very comfortable and feels like she can tell this woman anything. And Kasuga is just so forthright and so understanding about things, that when Nagumo tells her, you know, 'I really can't eat in front of other people,' the first thing she asks her is 'oh, well, can you drink something? Can I make you a cup of tea?' And that sort of becomes a jumping off point for the way that they interact when they're having these communal experiences around food, and the way that Kasuga explains to other people for Nagumo, but without giving too many details of Nagumo's private business. The way that these women make a comfortable space for her to still have the community of meals together without forcing her to eat, drives Nagumo to say, 'I want to go and get myself treated because I want to be able to eat with these women, because I care about them.'

Ben

I really love the arc of that. In a show about two people bonding over food, they met somebody who they couldn't necessarily do that with right away, they had to work into it. And I love the way that they slowly built that out — like the donut party was so satisfying.

NiNi

Donut party was fantastic.

Ben

There’s the donut party. There's the marshmallow party.

NiNi

Don't get me started on Nomoto and her, like, zoning out thinking about Kasuga with these marshmallows. [laughs] It was almost erotic but not in a male gaze erotic kind of way. She's got a comically large number of bags of marshmallows in Nomoto’s mind that she's hugging to her, and then she starts eating the marshmallows with a smile on her face. [laughs] All this is happening in Nomoto’s imagination and I'm just like, 'Yes, girl. Yeah, I understand what is happening to you right now.' [laughs] She's zoning out thinking about Kasuga and these marshmallows and I am cracking up. I'm having a whale of a—Oh, it's so good.

Okay. I'm gonna get over Kasuga and marshmallows, but [laughs] not immediately. So good, so funny. No notes.

00:43:02 - SLTCSLTE: Depictions of Intimacy

Ben

You had a little bit of hesitation in the middle of the second season. Do you want to talk about that on the show? And do you feel resolved by the way they played it out?

NiNi

Not resolved, but more… comforted, I guess. Part of the agita, I think that I was having, is that I was working through myself. Yako and Nomoto are watching these lesbian films. Yako is introducing Nomoto to these lesbian movies, and they're watching them together. And Nomoto is saying she's watching these movies and all these women are so passionate, and she knows that she likes Kasuga in a romantic way, but she doesn't think that she has these passionate feelings like these women in these films. That's when Yako tells her, 'Well, you know, I'm asexual, this is how I feel about these things.'

And in the middle of the season when this is happening, I had a bit of a moment where I'm just like, okay, is it that they're doing this purity thing where it's fine to be a lesbian if you don't have sex or sexual feelings? It was something that I was worried about. I think it was a little bit of burden of representation stuff that I was maybe putting on the show? That I felt like it was important to show female sexuality as being good and okay and fine, and not to wrap female sexuality and women loving women up in this thing of it being somehow chaste and pure. That was something that was coming from my own thoughts about it. There's not a lot of ace spectrum rep out there in terms of media and dramas in this field, so intellectually I felt like, oh, well, this is fine. But emotionally, I was having a hard time with. Intellectually, I'm like, okay, yes, if it is that this is an ace lesbian story, this is fine because there's not a lot of representation of that, either. But then I was also, like, feeling that even if it was ace lesbian representation, it was being done in this weird binary where you're either sexual or you're not, when acespec is just a whole spectrum of things. I was getting tied up in my own feelings about a lot of this, and it was giving me a little bit of grief and a little bit of gripe.

But when we come down through the season and come down towards the end of the season, it starts to feel more like a journey of discovery, of Nomoto figuring out what labels that she would apply to herself that make her feel comfortable with the relationship, and understanding how she feels about Kasuga and in what ways they want to proceed with their relationship and the things that they want to try or not try, and having those conversations with Kasuga, as well. And that eased me in the way that I was feeling about it. I fully admit that I got tied up in my own feelings about this, because it didn't have anything to do with what the show was doing. It works out well. I feel comfortable and comforted by the way that the story goes down through to the end. I'm good with where they've decided to take Nomoto, and Nomoto and Kasuga’s relationship, and where they have hopefully paused, not stopped.

Ginny

I understand that feeling completely. I feel some kind of meta regret that the two lesbian shows we’re talking about, the horny kinky concept one was bad, and the very chaste, ace spectrum one was good. I would love more horny kinky concept lesbians that are also actually well done. But as you said, that's not a problem with this show as it is just sort of with the bigger media landscape, and the show is giving also voice to really important, very representative experiences.

I love where they land on the question of physical intimacy, because I was wondering what they were going to do having gotten so far into the season. They hardly ever touch each other. There is this sensuality in their relationship around food, and I don't think it functions as a metaphor or a substitute for sex — it's just a different kind and source of pleasure that is important to their relationship, and that's so cool and I love it! But I love where they end up on the question of touch. Kasuga saying, 'yes, I would like to try things out one by one with you.' That's such a lovely way to say, we don't know where this ends. We don't know how we're going to feel about it, but we trust each other enough and we want to explore together at whatever pace feels right for both of us.

Ben

I am less concerned, I think, with certain styles of Japanese shows delving into onscreen depictions of sex and sexuality because of the space those shows fill. Zenra Meshi, What Did You Eat Yesterday?, and this show. The ton of sensuality in the food stuff supports the thinking around sex and intimacy, and I'm really glad they had the hug and kiss scene to make sure that we didn't skip that? But I don't necessarily need to see it in the show, in the sense that I'm okay with just confirming that it's gonna happen, or it is happening. What I do need NHK and TV Tokyo to figure out is: how does the cast of this show meet the cast of What Did You Eat Yesterday? There has to be a way to get these two stories a crossover.

NiNi

It does feel like there needs to be a crossover between these two stories. The new place that they've moved into, I'm pretty sure it's in Shiro and Kenji's building, like it has to be. That's the only thing that makes any sense to me in my head. [laughs]

What you were saying about seeing it on screen, it's not necessarily that I need to see their physical intimacy on screen, or whether there is physical intimacy on screen. I just need to understand, I think, if it was something that they were even gonna talk about or discuss, or if it was something that they wanted or not wanted. I think that it's fine for me for them to have the conversation and say, 'Okay, let's figure this out.' And if that lands upon them not being physically intimate that's fine, if it lands up on them being physically intimate, that's fine, but I think what I was worried about, and maybe I shouldn't have been, was that they were not going to talk about it at all.

Ben

I'm very glad that they had a conversation about it before they moved out, and established that it is something that they want, even if it's something they're gonna have to figure it out.

NiNi

Most definitely, but let's move back to the part where they're moving into Shiro and Kenji's building, because I feel like somehow that has to happen. And I feel like somebody needs to slip Nishijima and Uchino a note that says, 'Hey. Y'all are good at making stuff happen. Make this happen, too. Find a way.'

Ben

It's just difficult because it's an NHK adaptation versus TV Tokyo and I don't know how that plays out because one is a for-profit broadcaster and the other is explicitly a public entity.

NiNi

Figure it out. [Ben and NiNi laugh] I don't care if it's a movie, I don't care if it's a special, I don't care what it is. They need to figure this out, because there's no way that these two shows are not existing in the same universe. They have to.

00:50:53 - SLTCSLTE Ratings and Outro

Ben

I think that's it. This show is excellent. I guess we should rate it. Let's go around.

Ginny, you're newest to this. What's your rating for this?

Ginny

I gave season one a 9 and season two a 10. Season one felt a little incomplete to me, but season two sewed it up. If I was rating them together, I would give them a 10 as a single experience.

Ben

What about you, NiNi?

NiNi

Why you even asking me? You know my answer. This is a 10.

Ben

It's a 10! 10s across the board. Go watch it right now and then when you're finished, go show it to a friend, and then make them show it to a friend. I'm not even kidding. This is excellent. This is going to have to get a new supercut for me on the show. I’m gonna have to mention this every goddamn recording we do after this. [Ginny and NiNi laugh]

NiNi

It's a good thing Ginny's here because now she goes, she's like, okay, so I'm looking for What Did You Eat Yesterday? and then She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat.

Ginny

Making notes.

Ben

It was really just so lovely. One of the things I really enjoy in my queer stories is realistic and believable-feeling friend groups around them. It's really important for me, not just that I believe in the integrity of the couple, but also the integrity of their network. And I really like when queer friend groups grow as a result of two other people finding something in each other, that was really important for me. And it's why this particular show is so special to me. I really love this show, so much. Please go watch it.

NiNi

And with that, that's all she wrote. That is going to wrap us up, say bye to the people.

Say bye Ginny!

Ginny

Bye!

NiNi

Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

#chaser game w #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #japanese gl #gl series #ben and nini's conversations #the conversation #lgbtq #podcast #spring series #spring 2024

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whatacaitastrophe · 10 months ago

Text

Is It Over Now - Chapter 8

Previous Chapter

Chapter Song Inspiration: "Burn Butcher Burn" - The Witcher, Season 2 Soundtrack (performed by Joey Batey)

Chapter Warnings: suicide attempt

Spotify Playlist: Here

Chapter Notes: if you have read this fic, liked it, reblogged it, or left comments THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. keep the comments coming bc i love hearing your feedback (and like tinkerbell, i need applause to live).

Chapter 7: I've Also Survived, No Thanks to You

After The Netherbrain was defeated, Astarion thought he was going to get a break from adventuring and life on the road. Life, however, appeared to have other plans. As he’d expected, when the tadpole was evicted from his brain, Astarion lost his ability to walk in the sun. His loss of the sun was probably the only reason he wasn’t exactly ready for the battle against the illithids and The Netherbrain to be over. The sun began burning his skin as soon as it was high enough in the sky, so he could not even help get Fallon back to The Elfsong, running towards the sewers as fast as he could so he could get there through The Emperor’s old hideout.

He was the person who spent the first tenday of Fallon’s mental breakdown at her bedside, because unlike his companions, he couldn’t exactly go anywhere (that, and he didn’t want to with Fallon being in the state she was in). The early days were days Astarion never expected that Fallon would ever remember because of how upset she was. He’d never seen the elven woman like that before, and it scared the shit out of Astarion to see someone he’d always believed to be so incredibly strong and unshakeable become a catatonic shell of herself.

Astarion only ever left her when he needed to feed and always made sure that Fallon was not alone while he was gone. On one of the last nights he stayed with Fallon, she almost died on his watch. No one was available to cover for him, and there was no way Astarion was going to feed on his friend, not when she’d barely eaten enough to keep herself alive. So he took the risk; he bade Fallon goodbye and promised to be back in an hour. Upon returning, he found Fallon in the kitchen, swaying from malnourishment, mixing a potion together. It only took Astarion a few seconds to figure out what she was attempting to make, he could smell it. When he stopped her…he’d never seen her so angry before.

“Astarion, I swear by the nine hells if you do not give that back to me I will murder you.”

He believed her, too, but he also knew that laying her hands on him would take more strength than she currently possessed. “Murder me then, darling, because I’m not going to let you do this.” He told, and tossed the mixture out the window.

“Get out,” she growled. “Get out, I hate you. I never want to see you again.” Fallon yelled at him through sobs. He knew she didn’t mean it, but he still flinched as the words spewed out of her mouth. Astarion took her in his arms and held her. She raged against him for a moment, but her anger slowly dissolved and eventually they were sitting on the kitchen floor while Fallon simply sobbed.

After that, Astarion knew what he had to do. He got a hold of Karlach through the sending stones they all possessed now and beckoned her to the suite. Much like Astarion, Karlach could only travel by disguise in the dead of night these days, and therefore she was the only one of Astarion’s companions who would truly be able to keep watch over Fallon twenty-four seven until she got through the worst of it.

It was that moment that brought him to The Sign of the Dreaming Dragon, an inn in Iriaebor, three months later. Not being able to travel during the day anymore made things infinitely more complicated, so traveling the seven hundred or so miles along The Chionthar to get here took far longer than Astarion would have preferred. Coupled with the fact that he was tracking someone, it meant he spent a couple of days in the towns he passed through along the way; speaking to people in seedy taverns, listening in on conversations to hear if an overly talkative wizard has passed through.

The pieces of The Crown of Karsus had fallen into pieces in The Chionthar when they defeated The Netherbrain, and if he was going to find Gale of Waterdeep, traveling along the river would be the fastest way to find him. Rivers have currents, and Astarion was not only certain that all of the pieces of The Crown hadn’t conveniently fallen to the same place, but that the river sent them along their way and out of Baldur’s Gate. All Astarion could surmise from his travels was that he seemed to be four days or so behind Gale at every turn. That said, he had yet to run into the wizard, and now that he’d made it to the last real city along the river, Astarion was beginning to worry that Gale already found the crown and went…wherever it was that he had to go next. Elysium? Gods, Astarion had no fucking idea how to get there, so this truly was the last chance.

When he stopped into The Sign of the Dreaming Dragon just before sunrise to claim a room and have a drink, the last person he expected to find immediately was Gale, sitting in a corner booth with a glass of wine and a book. Astarion smirked as he sidled up to Gale’s table and slid into the seat across from Gale.

“Is this seat taken?” he asks, and Gale nearly jumps a foot into the air, having been so engrossed in his book he didn’t even realize someone sat down at his table. It takes a moment for Gale to realize that the vampire is truly sitting across from him, and he just stares at Astarion in stunned silence.

“So this is how you render the great Gale of Waterdeep speechless,” Astarion muses, reaching for the half empty bottle of wine on the table and taking a swig directly from it.

“Astarion, please, this is a decent establishment.” Gale scolds.

“Ah, he speaks! How have you been, friend? Are you god yet? Did you get everything you ever wanted?” He asks Gale, tone dripping with sarcasm and displeasure.

“What are you doing here, Astarion?”

“I’m fine, by the way, things have been just lovely since we saw each other last. I can’t walk in the sun anymore, we were all given Lady and Lordship titles by Ulder Ravengaurd after saving the world. It happened just days after you left, such a shame you missed the ceremony–”

“Astarion, please, my patience is very thin as of late. What do you want?” Gale sighs, exasperated by his visitor already and it’s only been thirty seconds.

“Fallon sends her regards, by the way– well, assuming she’s still alive. I’ve not heard otherwise yet, so I assume she’s still breathing.” Astarion sneers.

At the mention of Fallon, Gale freezes, and he slowly sets down his book as fear begins to bloom on his face. “What’s happened to Fallon?”

“Oh nothing, darling, she only tried to kill herself the last time I saw her–”

“WHAT?” Gale raises his voice and the small number of patrons also up at the present hour whip their heads around in Gale’s direction and the wizard shoots them an apologetic look and a wave. “What happened?” Gale asks, his voice lowered.

The bartender realized Gale was no longer alone, and he approaches the table with another glass. Astarion thanks him and takes the bottle again, pouring the remaining contents into his glass. He takes a sip and leans back against the booth. “You happened, darling.”

Gale stares at him in confusion, trying to find the connection between himself and Fallon’s attempt. “How is that possible? I’ve not been in Baldur’s Gate since–”

“ Exactly , Gale. You left , and she’s been a gods-damned mess ever since,” Astarion snaps. “Did you really think that you could just go off to find your precious crown without so much as a goodbye and she’d just be okay with it?”

“I did say goodbye–”

“You call that little speech you gave her a goodbye? For someone so intelligent you are really, really stupid,” Astarion laughs coldly. “After everything she’s been through, after everyone she’s lost, and how much she loves you…I simply cannot believe you thought that was a sufficient enough goodbye. Hells, I can’t believe you left in the first place. None of us could.”

Gale stares at Astarion angrily. “Did you come all the way here just to yell at me for the choice I made, or was there another purpose?”

Astarion presses his lips together in a thin line. “You need to come home, Gale.” he demanded. “The woman you claimed to love more than your precious Mystra is an absolute disaster without you, and the fact that I found you tells me you haven’t succeeded yet. Go home to Fallon. She needs you.”

Silence falls between them and Astarion’s eyes remain on Gale’s face.

“I have succeeded.”

Astarion blinks once. Twice. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’ve succeeded. I found the final piece today. You actually caught me on my final night here. I leave for Elysium tomorrow afternoon.”

Now it’s Astarion’s turn to stare in disbelief. “You– I just told you that the woman you love is miserable without you and your response…is not to tell me how much you miss her and still love her…but to correct my assumption that you’ve failed? Power really does change people.” Astarion scoffs.

“Of course I love her, and I miss her terribly, I shouldn’t have to defend that to you.” Gale replies haughtily.

“Except you do, Gale, because she’s a fucking shell of a person right now, it’s entirely your fault, and you’re more concerned about that I called you a failure!”

Gale scowls, and Astarion shoots him a satisfied look. Astarion hit a nerve. Good. “I can’t, Astarion. Come home that is. Not yet. Once I go to Elysium and ascend to godhood, I’ll be able to fix everything.”

“You’re a disgrace Gale. You’re a disgrace and deluded if you really think becoming a God is going to fix this. This was a waste of my time.” Astarion downs the rest of his wine and stands.

“Always a pleasure, Astarion; and to think the first thing I was going to do upon my return after reuniting with Fallon was going to be to tell you I’ve discovered a way for you to walk in the sun.”

Astarion freezes. He turns around slowly. “What?”

A smug smile appears on Gale’s face. “I met a vampire during my search for the pieces of the crown. He was walking in the sun, in the middle of the day.”

Hook, line and sinker. Gale has Astarion’s attention again and the vampire sits back down. “How?”

“He wouldn’t go into details, but the vampire was from Asha. In Velrea. He belonged to a coven with the ability to walk in the sun.” It couldn’t be possible. Surely Gale was playing with him as some sort of payback for berating Gale on Fallon’s behalf.

“It’s true, Astarion. You may think me to be the villain right now, but I would not lie to you about this. Tara even found me a book that proves the vampire was telling the truth,” Gale slides the book he’d been reading across the table to Astarion. “It’s all in there. Take the book if you want.” Gale smugs.

Astarion feels fury flowing in his veins as he snatches the book off the table. He hates the fact that it’s Gale of all people that just happened upon this information as easily as breathing. “This changes nothing, you know,” he glares. “Go home, Gale. Forget the crown, forget Elysium, and go the fuck home.”

With that, Astarion retreats to the bar to obtain a room for the day so he can begin his own trek home once dusk falls.

Despite the revelry happening around them, no one in their current group look happy. They all just stare at Gale. For the most part, he looks the same. The biggest difference is there is an incandescent glow surrounding him now, one he only could have gained by becoming a god. Fallon can’t stand the way her heart reacts when she looks at Gale. He’s still as handsome as she remembered, and there’s a part of her that wants to run to him and embrace him in the way she had Karlach. The other part of her wants Halsin to turn into a bear and rip him to shreds so she never has to see him again.

Astarion takes her hand, lacing his fingers with hers and he gives her hand a squeeze. Gale’s eyes drop to their linked hands, his nostrils flaring. Wyll is the first to speak, with a fake smile plastered on his face. “Need I remind you all that we are at a ball, hosted by my father, and I would very much like for us all to not end up on Page Six of the Baldur’s Mouth Gazette tomorrow.” He walks over to Gale and gives the man a strong handshake and claps him on the shoulder. “I can’t say I’m pleased to see you, mate, but for the sake of my father I will most certainly pretend for the next several hours.”

One by one, the rest of Fallon’s companions do the same. They each take turns greeting Gale like they’re happy to see him, even Lae’zel puts on the closest thing to a smile she can muster. Astarion remains at Fallon’s side until they’re the only ones who haven’t acknowledged Gale in the way the public would expect. Fallon reluctantly lets go of Astarion’s hand and the vampire gives her a look of concern. She merely nods her head by way of saying “I’m fine,” and she walks over to Gale.

“Fallon, dearest, how I’ve missed you.” Gale’s voice is soft, and Fallon’s heart aches at the look in his eyes. It’s the same adoring look he’s always given her, and Fallon hates the way it makes her feel. She wraps her arms around Gale’s neck, and unlike her friends, the hug she gives him is genuine, because Gods, even if she hates admitting it, she has missed him. Gale hugs her back tightly. For a moment, she and Gale are the only two people in the room as she breathes in his familiar scent and her mind wanders back to happier days. They stay like that for perhaps a beat too long and someone clears their throat behind her.

When Fallon turns around, she almost misses the hatred in Astarion’s eyes before he changes his expression so he too can greet Gale as the rest of them have. “So, um, where’ve you been, Gale?” Karlach asks awkwardly. It’s a good question, one Fallon is certain they’d all like the answer to, no one more than she. Gale smiles brightly at them like nothing is wrong. Whether it’s because he believes that or he’s simply doing his part to keep up appearances at Wyll’s request, Fallon cannot tell.

“That, my dear friend, is a story for another occasion, as it is quite the tale,” he claps his hands together. Just then, Duke Ravenguard and his wife take to the small platform where an orchestra is set up to welcome everyone and wish them a happy Winter Solstice. The band begins to play a lively tune, and the duke takes his bride by the hand and leads her to the dance floor to begin the celebrations. Slowly, others trickle in to join them, until some of the only people in the room on the dance floor are the heroes of Baldur’s Gate.

“Well, I need a drink.” Shadowheart declares, and Lae’zel nods. Halsin and Wyll follow along behind them and Karlach looks to Fallon. “You okay, soldier?” She asks and Fallon nods. “I’m fine, go.” She promises. The tension among the three left is palpable, and Fallon wishes she could turn into a small animal and disappear.

“You know, I could use a drink as well. Care to join me?” Astarion asks her, extending his hand to her.

“Actually, I was hoping I could perhaps have the honor of your first dance this evening,” Gale interjects. “So we could perhaps have a moment to talk.” Fallon looks back and forth between the two men, her mind reeling as her heart splits in two directions. She knows what she should do. What she wants to do is another matter entirely, and what she wants to do is hear whatever it is Gale has to say so she can be done with it. Fallon tentatively takes Gale’s hand. “Of course, Gale, it would be my pleasure.”

Gale beams at her and starts to lead her to the dance floor. Fallon looks over her shoulder at Astarion, and the look on his face…well it’s absolutely the most heartbreaking thing she’s ever seen, and she sends him an apologetic look, hoping she can convey how sorry she is and her intentions by accepting Gale’s invitation. Based on the way his face contorts when they make eye contact before he storms off to join their friends at the bar, the message was not received.

The next song begins and Gale turns to face Fallon and takes her waist. They begin to move to the music, an easy waltz, and Fallon can’t tear her eyes off the man in front of her. “I knew the moment I saw you again it would take my breath away, but the way you look this evening…I don’t think there are words for how beautiful you are.” Gale compliments her, and Fallon’s heart beats faster in her chest. She smiles at Gale.

“You said you wanted to talk?” She reminds him as they take another spin around the room.

“Yes, yes of course. Forgive me, I merely wanted a moment to drink you in after only seeing your face in my dreams for so long,” he squeezes her waist. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I realize my absence couldn’t have been easy for you, and I shouldn’t have left the way that I did. You mean a great deal more to me than the way I treated you, and I should have asked you to come with me.”

The words coming out of her former lover’s mouth are ones that Fallon has been waiting to hear since the day he left, and despite all the healing she’s done since, all of the moving on, hearing she didn’t deserve that treatment from the person who caused her pain himself lifted a weight off of her chest.

“Why did you do it, Gale?” She asks quietly. “Why did you leave? What did I do so wrong that you chose the crown and power over me?”

A hurt (or was it guilty?) look forms on Gale’s face. “Sweetheart, you did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. Leaving to seek the crown without you at my side will always be the greatest mistake of what will now be a very long life. I never loved the crown or the power more than you. I wished to seek it out to be worthy of you, to be worthy of your love. I just went about it in a terrible way, and I see my mistake now.”

They do another spin, and Fallon’s eyes soften. It wasn’t always the nightmares that woke her up in the night. Sometimes it was moments like this, where she finally heard the words she’s been waiting to hear for a year, and Fallon can feel her resolve to hate this man dissipating with every honeyed word out of his mouth, even if she hasn’t forgotten the way he destroyed her. She would never be able to forget that. “I know I’ve caused you a great deal of misery, and I don’t expect this to be resolved in one evening. Far from it, because there is so much more I need to tell you,”

The next song begins, and they keep dancing. “I know I don’t deserve an iota of your forgiveness, but there were forces at work I wasn’t prepared for, that I never could have predicted. Can we please go somewhere? Just the two of us?”

As if on cue, Astarion appears by their sides, ready to cut in. “You may have gotten her first dance, wizard, but I intend to have her second.” He says cooly, the look in his eyes daring Gale to deny him. Gale, thankfully, does the gentlemanly thing to do and relinquishes Fallon from their dance, stepping back. “Enjoy, my friend. I’ll be at the bar should anyone need me.” Gale bows slightly to them both and starts to walk away, but suddenly, he stops. “Oh! Astarion, before I forget– I found another book about Velrea, if you’d like to have it. Assuming of course that you’ve not been to Asha already and found the solution to your problem.”

Astarion goes rigid, freezing in place on the dance floor, and Fallon looks back and forth between the two halves of her heart in confusion. “Astarion, what is he talking about? How does he know about Asha?”

A smug grin appears on Gale’s face. “Oh, has your new beau not told you how he learned about what waits for him in Velrea?”

“Gale,” Astarion growls through gritted teeth. “If you say one more fucking word I will rip out your throat.”

The rest of their companions must have sensed trouble from across the room, as it is not long before the other five appear and Wyll and Halsin are guiding Gale and Astarion off of the dance floor with Fallon in tow. “Gale, what are you talking about?” Fallon frowns deeper once they are out of the way of people still trying to dance.

“I mean it, Gale, shut the fuck up.” Astarion warns again.

The grin on Gale’s face is no longer smug. It’s downright wicked , and he looks directly in Astarion’s eyes when he speaks to Fallon. “Astarion sought me out several months back. He knows about Velrea because I told him.”

Before anyone has a chance to prevent it from happening, Astarion lunges at Gale. He tackles the wizard to the ground with ease and punches him squarely in the jaw.

Halsin heaves a heavy sigh and looks at Wyll. “I’ll take my twenty gold back now, please.”

Chapter List

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale #gale of waterdeep #astarion #astarion x tav #bg3 fanfic #female tav #astarion fanfic #gale fic #gale fanfic #baldur's gate 3 fanfiction #baldur's gate 3 fanfic #astarion x gale x tav

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allieebobo · 2 years ago

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CT:OS Update #6 is fully available for early-release folks!

Pt. 1 and Pt. 2 of the update (Early Release) are out for ko-fi supporters (link)

Thank you so much for supporting the game and playing :) I am so excited to share this with you guys!

Summary

Pt. 1 (released a week ago)

Attend your first photography club meeting and potentially… have a moment with G in the dark room [smooching may be involved!😘] (achievement up for grabs)

Hang out with D and G at a café, ☕️ and have a run-in with Felix! [it can be as tame as you want, or a little hostile.]

Play an additional (mini) challenge match—against Deepal, Jacks, Max, or Akimi.

Find out if you’re officially in the Top 6 🥇(meaning you’ll play in the singles matches during the season)!

Short Sam POV scene, after they move into college!

Pt. 2 (released 17 Apr 2023)

Chat with Max and Blake about who you want your partner to be.

Play two doubles matches—One with Tobin as your partner, against Rayyan and Jacks [Yes, you can beat Rayyan, at last!] 🎾 and another one with Rayyan as your partner against Tobin and Jacks!

Find out who your doubles partner for the season is! Rayyan, Tobin, and Emerson are all possibilities, and they will all have their cliff-hanger-y reactions to the news. No points for guessing who is… not happy 👀. [This could involve a confrontation with Rayyan, or a quiet walk with Tobin.]

Public release dates (Pt. 1 will be out 22 Apr, and Pt. 2 will be out 29 Apr—to give me some time to edit!)

Extras

Chapter banners are up! (Let me know what you think—whether you love it or hate it, as I'm still toying around with the design!)

In-game cheats have finally been coded (Do let me know if you have trouble with either of these.)

Skip matches (with a password once you’ve played the match once)

Beast mode (where every choice you make will be automatically successful!)

Earlier chapters have also been edited based on beta tester comments, and to streamline the content a little. [E.g. the mini weekend ‘dates’ with Tobin and Rayyan (to the library & on a run) have been shifted—but it’s simply a rearrangement of content so that it works better.]

Future patches

I am still working through beta-tester feedback and other edits, but wanted to get the update out to supporters first, as promised! You will see improvements to the chapter over the next week / two weeks or so.

For e.g., password functionality will be edited such that you can skip matches and pick if you won/lost (rather than have two separate passwords).

As always, feedback, messages, bug catches etc. are greatly greatly appreciated. You can send 'em here, to my Tumblr, or to the COG forum thread :) This chapter (because it's early release) is not yet beta-tested, so I will be going in to edit it further :) It'll only get better!

P.S. So sorry for the delay, I had a last-minute change of heart with some of the final scenes, but I did add some content I hadn't intended to (for this update), so I hope that makes up for it!

Love you guys!! <3

- Allie

#CT:OS #college tennis: origin story #interactive fiction #if #asks #ct:os #early-release #update #update available #announcement

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penny-hartzs · 1 year ago

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Let's talk more fashion: who are your top ten fictional characters with the best style 🥰

Right off the bat I have to go with Carrie Bradshaw. She annoyed me to no end for most of the series (apart from that one episode where she went to a house party and someone stole her shoes and she insisted that the guests pay her back for them) but I'd be lying if I said that her outfits don't continue to be iconic and they are always going to be a huge chapter of costume design and fashion. Patricia Field really is THAT woman.

2. Rachel Green my forever girl has to be number 2. I love so many things about her style and how it evolves throughout the seasons. In the early days it was jeans, T-Shirts and overalls but in such a chic and 90's way and then as she starts working in fashion and growing more into a more grownup version of herself she has an amazing office wardrobe that I still take inspo from. I also love all her slip dresses.

3. Meave Maisel. I started watching The Marvelous Mrs Maisel mainly because of the clothes and the fact that it was written by Amy Sherman Palladino and I stayed for as long as I did for the clothes as well. I believe the plot got a bit tired and the creators got distracted by the fact that the budget kept getting bigger so therefore they thought the show should be getting flashier instead of more human and funny but you'll never catch me complaining about the costumes because, well look at them!

4. Lisa Fremont. LISTEN. The costumes in this movie (which is Rear Window, directed by Alfred Hitchcock) are my Roman Empire. Especially the black and white dress combined with Grace Kelly's incredible beauty makes it one of the most iconic fashion moments in cinema history and we should give Edith Head (the costume designer) her flowers.

5. Fran Fine. It took me a while to realize what an absolute fashion icon this woman is because I didn't watch The Nanny as a kid or teenager (I still haven't watched all of it and I plan on making it right eventually) but omg the absolute serve after serve after serve AFTER SERVE. Plus, that body is bodying. And a special mention to this particular outfit which is all of my dreams coming true:

6. Issa from Insecure

This show's entire costume department deserved all the Emmys, Oscars, Tonys, just everything but Issa's style was always my absolute favorite because it was so versatile and reflected on her character journey as well. Plus I loved the fact that even when she had a casual look on, there were still so many smart details about it. Argh I miss Insecure so much I need Issa Rae back on my screen immediately.

7. Daisy Jones. This character has had a tight grip on my heart ever since I read the book and I knew I'd love her when I watched the tv adaptation but I didn't expect to love her to the point I spent all of last spring trying to find pieces to recreate her entire cool girl hippy wardrobe. And also I just have to mention this "gold dust woman" moment because it was arguably the most iconic outfit of them all

8. Holly Golightly

I don't think I need to say too much about her to be honest do I? Audrey Hepburn is literally a work of art, in this movie and in general. My maybe somewhat unpopular opinion is that the pink outfit is my favorite one :')

Honourable mentions:

Monica Geller/ Blair Waldorf/ Cher Horowitz/ Zoe from Grownish (I hate the show though)/ Devi from Never Have I Ever/ Hilary Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

#flora THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS LET'S KEEP TALKING ABOUT FASHION FOREVER :')#also lmao it ended up being top 7 instead of top 10

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consistentlyamess · 2 months ago

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Wild Sweetness ⎮ Chapter 1 - Actin' like a sweet car crash

[2.9K]

pairing(s): luca x fem!oc MJ

summary: MJ has just settled in after opening back up a bakery in Chicago when some unexpected news

warnings: not much so far, takes place during and after season 3, 18+ , MDNI, swearing, eventual smut, second chance romance, pining, slowburn, flashbacks in italics, lmk if i missed anything!!

A/N: heeelloo!! this idea has been sloshing around in my head since i watched season 2 and started working on it while waiting for season 3. comments, likes, reblogs are appriciated as always or just come chat at me! And as always 💜💜💜 TY for reading!!!!💜💜💜

Fic Masterlist I Previous Chapter I Next Chapter

London, 5 years earlier

Everyone warned her about the harsh English autumn dawns. It would be cold and dark and dewy. And it was. But it was also cosy and quiet and nice. She liked that every now and then a grumpy early bird smiled back at her after she handed them their order, she liked that she had a steady trickle of people for a about an hour before the morning rush flooded in and she liked the thought of being done by 3 pm and still getting to go for a walk or sit in the library and study for her classes. But not all of it was fun. Not all the time anyway. There was always one asshole. And sometimes she could deal with them just fine. With a cold but persistent smile on her face. But sometimes they just struck a nerve.

‘Hi! Welcome to Crumbly Delights, how can I hel- oh, Marcie, hi!’

‘Hello, sweetheart, how are you doing?’

‘Oh, I’m good, how are you? Long night?’

‘You know it. We’re re-organizing the whole kids book section and it just feels like a never-ending task.’

‘Woof, I can only imagine. What can I get ya’ darling? And knock yourself out, it’s on me.’

‘Oh, now I can’t possibly accept that!’

‘Yes, you can and you will! Come on, don’t break the heart of a generous American. And besides, how many times have you let me stay after closing? Or waived late fees?’

‘Alright, alright, just this once. I’ll have a raspberry-vanilla danish and a cappuccino to go then.’

‘Atta girl, coming right up!’ she said with a warm smile. She didn’t miss the man who walked in with a serious look on his face. Even though he had this boyish streak to him, his eyebrows somehow made him look like he was perpetually stern and concerned about something. She didn’t pay him any mind until she heard him mutter under his breath.

‘It is waaaay too early to be this chipper in the morning.’

She dealt with assholes every single day. She knew how to take care of them, she knew how not to take it personally. But in front of Marcie was another thing. The nicest, wisest British lady, who saved her on so many lonely nights. Not with her.

‘Well, fuck you too! You wanna try again?’ she replied with a cutting tone.

They all froze for a moment. Her, fixing this douche with a glare, Marcie, with rounded eyes and a hand raised in front her mouth in surprise, and the douche with a slight embarrassed blush and mouth moving like a fish’s, stranded on shore. She raised an eyebrow that said, ‘try me you dick’.

‘Uh, uhm’ he started stammering. ‘Shit, sorry, fuck I-uh, I’m sorry! I’m- i’m a chef and I have early mornings and I never, ever wanted to greet anybody like this, at 5 in the morning. I was taken aback a bit, I think, I’m sorry.’

‘I’m not a chef, I just work here and I’m paid to be cheerful and nice with dickheads like you all day. So, if you want to buy something, the least you can do is keep your mouth shut if you din’t have anything nice to say.’

‘We- You’re right. I’m sorry. Everything you just said was right. I’ve had a rough week, which is not an excuse, just an explanation. I’m not usually like this.’

‘Apology accepted. So, what can I get you today?’

‘I’ll just have a coffee and a croissant. Please.

‘Great, coming right up!’ she said, still with a smile on her face. She shot a ‘this fucking guy’ glance at Marcie and got to work on the on orders.

‘Have great day darling, I hope I’ll see you soon at the library.’ Marcie said as she left.

‘Oh, don’t you worry, you will! Have a great day Marcie!’ The coffee she was making for the douche (she decided, she’ll just call him that) was ready but she thought she’ll take her time with it.

‘Alright, here’s the croissant and the coffee, it’ll be 5,50 please.’

‘Right’ the douche said. He started searching for change in his pocket and she was somewhat ashamed to admit that the flustered haze pleased her a little bit. He eventually put a 10 pound bill on the counter. ‘Here.’ She started looking for change before he said:

‘No, no-no, I don’t want the change, sorry. I was a dick and this is the least I can do.’

‘Well, thank you.’ She started to feel a little bad now. ‘I’m sorry that I snapped at you. It is early and even though you were being a dick, I shouldn’t have.’

‘Given the circumstances I think you were remarkably merciful. So, again, sorry, uhm Ma-’ he was looking at her nametag.

‘Oh, Marjolaine. It’s French. But no one really calls me that.’

‘Really? It’s a beautiful name.’

‘You already gave me a tip, you don’t have to keep buttering me up. You’re forgiven.’

He chuckled at that.

‘I actually think it’s a beautiful name. And I’m honestly surprised you didn’t spit in my coffee. The servers I worked with definitely would’ve done that.’

‘Well, you would’ve seen me do that. Sue us for healthcode violations or just never come back here. Can’t really risk losing business here.’

‘Oh, I definitely would’ve come back. Even with the spit, my conscious will only be clear, if i can leave you a tip like three more times’

It was now her turn to chuckle a little bit.

‘Are all chefs such smooth talkers?’

‘Most of them are- how should I put this? They do tend to find some enjoyment in uhm, smooth talking and conquests.’

She blew raspberries as she laughed in surprise.

‘Conquests? Where are you from? The 1800s? You guys fuck the servers. Everybody knows this since the Kitchen Confidentials, there’s no need to be coy about it.’

‘You Americans and your straightforwardness.’

‘You guys and your weird prudishness.’

‘Well, this is where the Victorian values started. Also, not all chefs shag anything that moves. Pastry chefs generally tend to be a little more tender.’

‘Ah, pastry chef, huh?’

‘Yup, a late one at that. I better get going.’ He started leaving and she found herself wanting to say something that would make him stay. Almost as if hearing her thoughts, he turned back before stepping out.

‘I’m Luca by the way. If you’re ever in the neighbourhood, come check out the Mimosa, my treat. Have a nice day.’

‘Thanks, you too.’

Chicago, Present day

The first time MJ moved into the small apartment above the bakery she immediately fell in love with the kitchen. It was probably the biggest space in there, wide counters, big fridge, small pantry that definitely made up for the lack of a bathtub. But the absolute knockout had to be the fact that it had not one but two windows. On two different sides making sure that sunshine and light could always get in. A far cry from the gloomy little London apartment she used to have. A far cry even from her first Chicago apartment from like two years ago. Coming back to the States was difficult enough, feeling like she had to start everything over at almost thirty. But there was something about the kitchen and the curtains with the small flower print that immediately had her heart. After moving in, the first thing she did was bake a peach pie. After the frenzy of moving, the uncertainties of starting a new job - the only thing she could think of at that moment, finally stopping after a gruelling month, was baking something. Nothing was unpacked, boxes filled nearly every surface area. Except for the kitchen. Getting ready to bake back then involved setting up her workspace for the first time, which finally filled her with some excitement. Feeling the space, deciding where the pots and pans should go, which drawer should store the cutlery, the cutting boards, the napkins and the clean towels - almost a form of meditation. Peach pie was always the first thing she baked in every new oven she came across. The baking of the crust gave her a general idea about times and temperatures, hot and cold spots in the oven, if it came out burnt or underdone was maybe even better if it turned out perfectly. Gave her more information. The peach had to get a little colour but not too much for it not to get mushy, the sugar or honey glaze on top browning a little but too much.

She’s made a lot of peach pies since then but none of them felt like this. It was frenetic, hurried, it felt more like something she had to do, not so much something she wanted to do. She was always messy but this went over anything she’s ever done before. Flour everywhere, some eggshell made it into the better, trying to roast the peaches a little turned into burning them quite badly. She huffed and puffed and just couldn’t get her mind to shut off. Her hands weren’t cooperating because she wasn’t really paying that much attention and she knew it. She knew it and hated it. The tense muscles, the tightly shut jaw, her breath in her throat that just would not go deeper, the shakiness of her exhales, the headaches she gets when she can’t relax her face for too long. Everything went on autopilot but that also seemed to be glitching.

Even hours later, running errands, stepping into the bakery to help out, nothing worked. It was stupid. Down right idiotic, really, if she wants to be honest. Which she doesn’t, hence her current predicament. Pacing up and down in the kitchen, waiting for Sophie to finish her shift. Curses being murmured, no use for that of course, but still. She’s hoping that maybe if they keep coming out in these strings, maybe she’ll exorcize something, that maybe the tightness of her chest and the grip of her stomach will eventually go away. Maybe a miracle will strike and she’ll get out of this. A long shot for sure but which one of us hasn’t hoped for one in times like these?

‘You okay, boss?’ Sophie asks, finally wandering back to the kitchen. She noticed it earlier for sure but not wanting to hit a nerve, she ignored it. Also hoping that whatever was going on would sort itself out, that she would sort it out, which she somehow always managed to do. Apparently not this time. MJ contemplates for a minute, with a long sigh, with arms wrapping around herself. Cuticles and nails long gone due the anxious gnawing and tearing she’s been keeping at for the last two weeks.

‘Hm? Oh, yeah, sorry, I’m- you know just-’

‘Okay’ Sophie interjected, putting the plates in her hand down. ‘Look, I wasn’t gonna say anything ‘cause maybe it’s none of my business but what the fuck is going on?’

She should’ve seen this coming for sure. Sophie always figured it out. She’s been with her since they started the renovations, through the opening, through money troubles, through broken fridges and missed deliveries. If she was being honest, Sophie was as close to best friend as she managed to have in her adult life. She absolutely should’ve known that there was no way of hiding this from her.

‘Jesus Margo, you’re starting to scare me.’

‘I- fuck me! It’s not a scary thing, I promise, it’s just’ Everything comes out in huffs, in between heavy breaths and she kind of hates it. ‘Okay’ steadying breath, palms pressing into the cold metal of the counter while Sophie stays there, waiting.

‘Do you remember that guy I told you about? The one I met in London?’

‘Sexy pastry chef guy. Of course I remember, still haven’t shown me a picture.’

‘Well, you’re in luck. You can see for yourself in, like, 2 days.’

‘What?!’ Sophie’s voice rises, along with her eyebrows, eyes growing big and she simply cannot blame her. ‘But, wait- that’s-’ The wheels are turning and she’s patient. She‘d much rather Sophie put it together for herself than her having to spell it out anyways. ‘No. Are you kidding me?! Sexy pastry chef guy is Luca?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Luca, from Copenhagen.’

‘Yup.’

‘Marcus’s mentor, who, I’m still not sure he’s not in love with, Luca?’

‘Yeah, Sophe, that’s all him.’

‘But- What?! How’s that even possible? Why the hell didn’t you say anything?’

‘I just- I don’t know, okay? When Marcus first mentioned him when I was too shocked and I couldn’t say anything and then I kept not saying anything while we became friends, thought it would be really weird, and then suddenly almost a year passed and I thought, well, now it would be really fucking weird to say anything and I just kept on not saying anything and then Marcus said he was visiting and- I don’t know, it all just got away from me a little.’

‘No shit.’ Sophie can’t even be mad. The fear and the sadness that settled into her MJ’s eyes is more than enough for her to know that this is not the time for scoldings you could’ve told mes and the like. ‘Again, how’s that even possible?’ she asks, still wanting to understand at the very least.

‘It’s not that complicated, really. I was in London for two years during college, with a scholarship. We met there, my scholarship ran out, he got Noma, I moved back here, he went to Copenhagen and we broke up not too long after that.’ Still vague, still no details, still hesitant and a little closed off. Sophie nods. Not the time for prodding either.

‘Do you want to close up, get really drunk and continue this after?’

‘Absolutely, I do.’

‘Good.’

***

After going through the motions, closing up shop, it’s still just 7PM. Perks of running a bakery.

‘Is it okay to ask how you see this playing out?’ Sophie finally chimes over her third glass of Pinot.

‘No fucking clue.’ They both laugh because this is ridiculous. Absolutely hysterical.

‘Maybe he doesn’t even remember me, you know? It’s been a while.’

‘Yeah, fat fucking chance of that happening.’

‘Yeaaaah, I’ll just have to suck this one up, I think.’

‘You still could just talk to Marcus, you know? Tell him not to bring him to the bakery or work something out, change shifts, bring him when you’re not there. Or you can still just get the fuck away. Make an excuse about someone’s cat dying or whatever.’

‘Sure, not suspicious at all. Also Marcus is so excited. And it’s already eating me up that I didn’t tell him earlier.’

‘How has he not figured it out though? Luca, I mean, not Marcus. Your name is a pretty huge giveaway. It’s not like there are a shit ton of Marjolaines running around Chicago.’

‘Well, Luca never knew that I ended up in Chicago. When I moved back, I went back to San Francisco. It wasn't until a couple of months that Dylan called me about the bakery. And as for the name, Marcus was the one who started calling me MJ. My best guess is he calls me that with him too and he ever felt the need to explain how that happened.’

‘Right.’ They fell silent for a while. MJ loved these nights. Hanging around for a couple more hours, for a couple more drinks. The bakery was closed, but the smells still lingered. The sweetness of vanilla, the fattiness of butter, the slight bitterness of cooked or baked fruit, lights out, most of it leaking out from the kitchen and seeping in from the streets. Lower, softer, warmer twinkles that would only stop the hardest of stone-cold hearts from opening up a little. Even now, when the jig was up and she had to actually face what was coming her way, which did kind of feel like watching a car crash in slow motion.

‘Is it okay if I ask questions about him?’ Sophie asked eventually.

MJ just nodded, eyes a little hazy. Of course she can. When, if not know? Memories being stirred up and tongue loosening from the wine. She still appreciates it. The checking in, the earnestness and caution of this younger generation.

‘How long were you guys actually together?’

‘About two and a half years.’

‘Did you love him?’

‘Shit, Sophe, big fucking questions tonight.’

‘Sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just- you never talk about him. And until now I thought it was because it was just kind of a fling or something. Hot pastry chef, college years, you know, the works. But seeing you now, I’m starting to think it might have been the opposite.’

‘Meaning?’

‘You know what I mean, bitch.’ Sophie pushed her shoulder a little and a laugh spilled out of her despite the ache in her chest that not even the wine could dull down.

‘It’s been such a long time. But yeah, yeah, I loved him.’

Sophie just hummed.

‘Why did you guys break up?’

MJ just groaned as if she pulled a muscle she didn’t really use.

‘Can I plead the fifth on that one? Just for tonight. It’s a long and sad story and-’

‘Hey, of course, you don’t have to explain.’

‘Okay, look!’ she slammed her glass down, turning towards her, wine splashing up on either side. ‘We can do this, alright? ‘ I’m sure Marcus will understand, and as for that douchebag-’

‘He’s not a douchebag.’

‘Well, he fumbled you, so he will have to try and prove that to me. So. As for that douchebag, you can handle it, and I’ll be here with you, the whole time. How long is he staying?’

‘I don’t know, I didn’t have follow-up questions.’

‘Nevermind, it doesn’t even matter, we’ll get through this, okay?’

MJ nodded. Sophie’s confidence was moving but she wasn’t nearly as sure of that as she was.

#the bear #chef luca #the bear s3 #marcus brooks #the bear fic #tina marrero #luca the bear #luca x fem!oc #luca x MJ #carmen berzatto #chef luca x fem!oc #the bear fx #the bear fanfiction #chef luca fic #chef luca fanfic

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writerblue275 · 11 months ago

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The One That Could Break My Heart (Chapter 2)

Inspiration: "Houdini" and “Break My Heart” - Dua Lipa, “Got Me Started” - Troye Sivan, “Tattoo” - Loreen (that’s right we’re adding another one lmao).

Champion: Ezreal (Like Pilty!Ez.)

Summary: You once again fill the role as Ezreal’s plus-one, but things don’t always go according to plan and you have a startling realization.

Genre: Song-inspired fic

Type: Fluff, Angst (but happy ending to chapter), Smut-ish (18+ ONLY. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT)

Gender: Reader who is comfortable with she/her pronouns and with being referred to as a daughter. There are also typically fem presenting clothes and stuff mentioned (but obviously clothes and stuff are not limited to the gender binary).

TW: Swearing, suggestive content (NSFW). Some emotional distress/angst. Mention of torture/violence/death (Jesus that makes it sound so bad) mainly in a nightmare-ish setting. Mention of alcohol (drink responsibly).

Important context: I’m involving Jayce/early HexTech as an example because it’s my story lmao. This is like over double the length of Chapter 1, but you know what, a lot happens plot-wise, so 🤷‍♀️.

Also: Please take this as my humble holiday gift. Happy Christmas Eve to those who celebrate, and to those who don’t, Happy Holidays! I hope your winter season is filled with love and joy.

Key:

“Break My Heart” lyrics in orange

“Houdini” lyrics in blue

“Got Me Started” lyrics in purple

“Tattoo” lyrics in green

“Everything you say is soundin’ so sweet.”

As you slowly drift back to consciousness, your first thought is how lovely and warm you are. My bedroom isn’t normally this warm! Not without a pile of blankets on top of me. But now all you feel is a sheet and one blanket covering you and it’s perfect.

The next couple things your mind registers are arms around you and a pair of soft lips slowly and gently kissing up and down your neck. The feeling is heavenly and you can’t help but let out a soft unintelligible moan as your brain finally manages to register where you are and who the lips belong to. You’re at Ezreal’s house, in his bed, and those are his lips currently nibbling the junction of your neck and shoulder.

“E-Ez,” you murmur sleepily. You try to tilt your head a little to give him more space, try being the operative word. Your brain isn’t exactly connected to your muscles in its current sleepy state. You let out a happy whine as he chuckles and nips your jaw.

“Good morning, princess. Does that feel good?” he murmurs softly into your ear, his voice husky and a bit deeper from sleep.

You softly moan and lace your fingers with the hand he’s anchored on your stomach. “Ez, please…I’m not…dreaming…right?” Your question is just a little more coherent as you start to actually wake, though your words are definitely still sleep-slurred.

You can feel him chuckle against your neck. “Not a dream, baby. I’ve missed waking you up like this…” He punctuates his point by gently nipping your ear.

You can’t help but let out a soft whimper. As you try to shift in his embrace, you squeeze his hand, trying to use any leverage you can to face him, even with your eyes still closed. “Kiss me…please,” you sleepily beg as you’re unsuccessful in your mission of turning yourself in his arms.

“Easy….I’ve got you…easy, princess…let me take care of you,” Ezreal coos softly, gently adjusting you so you’re laying on your back before one of his hands returns to lace with yours. His other hand gently strokes along your side for a moment. “Can you open your eyes for me?" His lips gently kiss and nibble along your jawline.

You finally manage to flutter your eyes open, turning your head to the side his voice is coming from. There you’re greeted with a delightfully heart-stopping sight. Ez is smirking gently down at you as he rests on his side, head propped up on his palm, with the blanket slid down to his waist, showing off his bare chest and abs. You stretch your arms a little before reaching over and resting your hand on his chest, gently trailing your fingertips down, and giving him a sleepy little smile. “Good morning,” you murmur, your voice still a little husky as well, though he’s the main cause of that, not sleep.

All of his features light up as he smiles. “That’s it, princess,” he says quietly. He moves his head down towards yours. “Very good,” his voice ends in a whisper as he takes your lips in a kiss that can only be described as…drugging. It’s deep, slow, addictive, heart-racing, and breathtaking. It’s everything you wanted.

A happy noise slips from your throat and you tangle your hands in his hair as you kiss him back. After a few long moments, you pull away, a content smile on your lips. “You certainly know my favorite way to wake up” you sigh out, biting your bottom lip as you look up at him.

He gently uses his thumb to tug your bottom lip free of your teeth. The unexpected gesture causes your cheeks to heat and your heart to skip a few more beats. He leans down and kisses you deeply again, making you sigh again in even more delight as your hands move to rest against his chest.

“Sleep well?” He inquires in a murmur against your lips.

You slowly nod and stretch some more with a little smirk once he pulls back. “You made sure I would.”

After you and Ezreal cuddled for a while after finishing dinner last night, the two of you ended up going another round before you both fell asleep, him spooning you. It was truly exquisite, how easily you fell asleep. You never fall asleep as quickly as when you’re with him.

You gently flop back on the mattress, looking up at the ceiling as you’re transported into your mind. You can’t help but focus on the past. You think about how young you never would have imagined this situation being in the future of your friendship with the troublemaker son/nephew of your father’s colleagues. Her jaw would be on the floor.

“Princess, you just woke up! What’s got you thinking so much already?” Ez asks on a chuckle, poking your stomach gently.

You turn your head and shoot him a sleepy grin. “Just how shocked younger me would be that this is where our friendship has gone. She wouldn’t believe it at all. Remember? The first time we met I was so shy, I barely said a few sentences to you. Now look at us,” you remark. “Did you ever think things would be like this? With the history professor’s daughter?”

Ez looks down at you. He responds thoughtfully, “Honestly, no. Younger me didn’t see this being part of our future friendship/relationship to each other. But, I’ve never been so glad to be wrong in my life. I feel very lucky to have been wrong.” He leans down and kisses your forehead softly, his hand once again lacing with one of yours. The actions make your heart flutter and your eyes widen slightly.

You reach up with your free hand and gently cup his cheek, making him look at you. “Who are you and what have you done with Ezreal? You’ve been exceptionally affectionate and sweet since you’ve been home, Ez. Though I’m not complaining. I really like this sweet side of you, but it is different from how things have been in the past,” you observe softly. You let your curiosity linger for a moment before finally asking the questions that are stuck on your mind. “Ezreal, is…is everything alright? Is there anything you want to talk about? Did something happen on your expedition?”

You instantly notice how he stiffens as you mention his expedition and also how he hesitates as if thinking what to say.

You gently trace his bottom lip. “It’s alright, Ez. I won’t push you to tell me anything. I know I can’t comprehend everything you’ve seen in the field, especially when it comes to dangers you’ve faced,” you comment, moving to gently trace his jaw with your thumb.

He stiffens again slightly when you mention dangers. You know his body language well enough at this point to understand that he faced something that he’s hesitant to tell you about.

“As long as you know you can tell me anything without judgement, that’s all I care about,” you soothe, giving him a soft smile.

He leans down and kisses you softly, murmuring, “I do know that, and I’m very grateful. I will tell you. I’m just not ready to relive it quite yet.”

You nod and brush his hair out of his eyes. “Understood. I’m very sorry you went through that, then. When you are ready to talk about it it, I’m here to listen,” you promise him softly. “Always.”

“We’ve got that hot chemistry, you and me won’t make it out this house.”

It was a very slow and easy day for the two of you. Once both of you initially left bed, you shared a lovely and long shower, followed by a delicious, but simple, breakfast back in bed. Then the two of you just cuddled and chatted the afternoon away, mainly talking about your life updates since he was gone for two months with very little contact to home.

You also took a small little nap curled up against Ezreal’s chest. You fell asleep to his hands playing with your hair and rubbing your back, a perfect combination to knock you out.

A couple hours later, and now you’re getting ready for the dinner party with him.

Ez walks out of his closet and into his bathroom wearing a well-tailored black suit set and holding a garment bag, walking over to you as you finish putting on your makeup. He smiles as he meets your eyes in the bathroom vanity mirror. “Ready to see your dress? I think you’ll like it.

You smile back at him. “I’m sure I will. You know my fashion tastes very well by this point, Indiana Jones,” you observe. “Ok show me!” You turn towards him, closing your eyes, and patiently waiting as he unzips the cover.

Ezreal removes the dress from the garment bag and holds it up by the hanger. “Alright princess,” he says. “Open your eyes now.”

You do and you can’t help but let out a little gasp of delight at the clothing in front of you. It’s an off the shoulder purple cocktail-length dress with a fitted purple bodice at the top, covered in subtle 3d floral details, and a flowy tulle skirt that is ever-so-slightly high-low.

You murmur a little breathlessly, “Oh my goodness Ez, that’s so pretty! Is this what you bought the purple set to wear with?”

He nods and says, “As smart as ever. Yes, that’s why I got the purple set. It’s strapless at the top so you should be fine to wear it with this neckline.”

You immediately walk closer to him and kiss his cheek, murmuring happily, “Thank you, Ez. It’s truly beautiful. I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve such special gifts, but thank you for giving them to me.” You pull back and immediately walk over to your bag, getting out the purple set, with its matching top, bottoms, and garter belt.

As you gently herd him out of the bathroom and close the door you call out, “After I change into these, will you help me into the dress? I’ll need assistance with that zipper.”

“Of course. Happy to help, princess,” he calls back.

You quickly change into the lacy purple set, also pulling on some hose and connecting them to your garters. As you check yourself out in the bathroom mirror, you can’t help but say, “Well fuck! I look sexy...”

Ez’s voice sounds through the closed bathroom door, tinged with amusement, “You always do, princess. Why do you sound so surprised?”

You can’t help but smirk and giggle, “Such a charmer, Ez! Alright come in, I’m ready for your help.”

You just giggle even more as he opens the door and freezes after taking only a couple steps with his eyes glued on you.

“Fucking hell, (Y/N), you look stunning,” he breathes. He hangs up the dress on a clothes peg behind him before quickly coming over to you. The second he reaches you, one of his hands is in your hair and the other is pulling you to him, holding your waist. His lips are on yours with a passion that has you gasping and even has your knees going a little weak, making you wrap your arms around his neck just to make sure you don’t fall. He chuckles, sliding the hand on your waist around your back so his arm helps better support you as his lips move to your jaw and throat.

You’re practically panting as you try to recatch your breath. “Careful Indiana Jones,” you gasp and whimper as his lips find a particularly sensitive spot beneath your ear. “Keep this up and we won’t even make it out of this house to get to dinner. Hell, we won’t even make it out of this bedroom.”

His very amused murmur sounds in your ear, “Don’t threaten me with a good time. I see no problem with that particular outcome, baby. That sounds like a far more enjoyable evening to me.” His lips reattach themselves to your neck, causing you to gasp again as your hands tangle in his hair.

“Ezreal, do not leave a hickey when we’re about to go in public. I was barely able to throw my brother and parents off their suspicions of you the last time you left a visible mark. I’m still not completely sure they believe me. Do you know how it would look if we show up together and I have hickeys on me? I’m fairly certain my parents and your uncle would murder both of us once they heard about it!” You scold him breathlessly as you tug on his hair to get him to remove his lips from your neck.

He just smirks wickedly and instead of pulling away completely, he moves his lips to the soft skin of your upper arm. “Fine. Then I won’t make it obvious. I’m still going to mark you, though. Just in a place your dress covers. I know how much you love it when I mark you, (Y/N), don’t even try to say you don’t.”

You close your eyes and let out a soft noise of pleasure as your head goes back. “Fuck…I do,” you let out on a sigh as he does just what he said he would. He leaves a cluster of small marks on soft skin that will soon be covered by the off-the-shoulder sleeves of your dress.

He pulls back to admire his handiwork. “Perfect,” he observes on a smirk. “Now let’s get you into your dress so you can fix your hair. Apologies for messing it up,” he says, not sounding apologetic in the very slightest as he checks himself over in the mirror. “Whatever makeup you used though, good choice. Your lipstick didn’t smudge or get on me at all.”

You laugh as you wait for him to unzip the dress from the hanger and bring it over to you. “I should be upset with you about messing up my hair, but I can’t really be mad when you kiss me like that. Damn, Ezreal!” Your voice is still a little breathless. “That was…..woah…”

He laughs as he stands behind you and helps you step into the dress. He holds it up as you put your arms through the unconventional sleeves. He also helps zip you up, wrapping his arms around you, leaning forward, and kissing a bare shoulder once he’s done. “There,” he murmurs. “Just as incredible as I thought you would look.”

You smile and turn, kissing his cheek softly and uttering a gentle, “thank you.” You reluctantly step out of the warmth of his arms, going to the mirror to quickly fix your mussed hair. When you turn around again, he’s holding a pair of purple heels that match your dress. Once you walk over to him, he offers his arm and lets you use him to stabilize yourself as you step into the heels. They’re not ungodly tall, but heels have never been your forte.

You look at him with a raised brow. “Making sure I hang onto you all night, are you, Indiana Jones? You know me and heels aren’t besties. Promise to keep me upright?” you tease.

He sends you a wink. “Always, princess."

He leads you downstairs once you grab your small clutch with your essentials in it. As he opens the front door, you see a pretty carriage with horses and a driver.

You pause, your mouth opening in a surprised oval as you let out a small little gasp of, “Oh!”

You hear Ez chuckle next to you. “I thought we’d arrive in classic style tonight. And besides, I didn’t want to make you walk in those heels,” he murmurs as he offers you his arm to hold. Once you’re securely holding onto him, he leads you to the carriage steps, making sure you’re able to easily get in before pulling himself up and into the plush interior to the bench next to you. He laces his fingers with yours as he calls out to the driver to go.

After about a 10-minute ride, you see the line of carriages lined up to drop off occupants at the mansion of the council member who was hosting tonight’s dinner. You couldn’t even remember who was hosting. You only knew a couple of the councilors and it wasn’t any of them. As your carriage approaches the drop off point, you start to get nervous as you see flashes of exposed camera bulbs going off.

“You think by now I’d be used to the cameras and reporters,” you utter, “but god they still freak me out. I’m not photogenic, Ez. I still don’t get why you don’t have some model come with you. They’d do so much better in front of the cameras and in polite conversations. You could get whoever you wanted.” Your hands are starting to shake as your anxiety starts to really kick in.

Ezreal uses a finger to gently turn your head towards him. “(Y/N)…hey, don’t say stuff like that. You look incredible. Also, a random model isn’t my best friend of almost two decades who knows me better than I know myself a lot of times. And they certainly wouldn’t be as fascinating as I find you to be,” he voices reassuringly. He ends his affirmations with a quick peck to your lips. “I’ll do most of the talking if that makes you feel better. Just hold onto me. I’ll never let you fall or look stupid. Do you trust me on that?” Ez’s gentle question helps break through your nerves.

“Of course. I trust you completely, Ezreal. Always,” you answer honestly, giving him a small smile before taking a deep breath and rolling your shoulders back.

He smiles at you. “That’s more like it. Ready, princess? Your adoring public awaits,” he jokes.

You can’t help but grin. “But of course! As per usual, I’m ready to be your arm candy, Indiana Jones. Lead the way!”

“It’s your moment baby don’t let it slip.”

He laughs as the driver finally opens the carriage doors at the drop off point. Ez easily slides out of the carriage before turning back to you and helping you down the gap between the carriage steps and the ground. He makes sure you’re stable and offers you his arm to hold.

You smile brightly at Ez as you take his arm. “Thank you!” you whisper. You allow him to lead you along the walkway lined with reporters and photographers. You keep your attention primarily focused on him, and honestly it does wonders for tuning everything else out. He primarily keeps his attention on you as well, chatting casually with you instead of talking to the reporters or photographers clambering for his attention. Before you even know it, both of you are being welcomed into the spacious home of the councilman hosting. “Hoskel,” You hear his name murmured by some passing staff.

The two of you are led to a drawing room where everyone is gathering before moving to the dining room for the formal dinner. Your names are both announced by a very distinguished looking butler. As soon as Ez’s name is announced, there’s a moment of stunned silence as people stare at him before the chattering gets even louder, everyone clearly discussing the return of Piltover’s “prodigal explorer.”

You lean close to his ear. “Looks like you’ll be the hot topic as per usual. Granted, I already knew about the “hot” part,” you playfully tease.

He smirks at you. “Ready for the introductions, princess?” He murmurs. “The only important people I don’t see in here are councilor Hoskel and his wife, but I’m sure they’re just playing host.” He squeezes your hand as the first curious guests approach for an introduction. It didn’t take long, but you’re not shocked. Everyone wants to meet and talk to Ezreal.

You’re touched how Ez always makes sure to introduce you when he’s meeting someone. Out of the two of you, he’s always been far more of a social butterfly. Having him do most of the talking works really well for your dynamic. As he introduces you, as always, you are surprised at the number of people who recognize your last name. You’ve always been proud of your father, your mother who is an attorney, and your brother, who is involved in Piltover politics, but now you realize their accomplishments are farther reaching than you even realized. They’re very well respected, even among Piltover’s elite. Knowing how humble you are, Ez also makes sure to brag about your many accomplishments, making you blush and smile shyly before you talk about yourself.

Once there’s a lull in the introductions, you lean over to him again. “It’s kind of you to brag about my accomplishments, Ez, but they really don’t compare to yours. You’re doing the impossible,” you murmur.

He frowns a little bit. “(Y/N) your accomplishments are just as important. Your past successes when you were in music. Your multiple degrees in public health. Your non-profit work in cancer treatment research. Your job literally helps find cures for cancer. Don’t you realize how incredible that is? You’re very easy to brag about, princess. You’ve done incredible things and I’ve always been really proud of you,” he murmurs back passionately.

“Ez….that’s,” you battle speechlessness. After a moment you squeeze the arm you’re holding onto. “You keep saying the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me,” you manage softly, almost fighting back tears. “T-thank you…truly..”

“And I mean all of it, (Y/N). I’m proud to have you in my life, just as I’ve heard you say you’re proud to have me in yours,” he says.

You slide your hand down his arm and lace your fingers through his, giving his hand a squeeze. “I believe you, Ez. And it means so much to me, I can’t even say the proper words. But thank you.” You pause for a moment before leaning over and quickly pecking his cheek.

Such displays of affection in public are rare between the two of you. Neither of you want anyone to get the wrong idea. But he doesn’t look upset. In fact, there’s a very slight twinge of pink on his cheeks along with a shy smile.

Just then, the host and his wife walk in and announce dinner. Everyone is led to the main dining room which is elegantly decorated with a massive table in the middle. Ez leads you to the two chairs with your names in front of them. He’s sitting to your right and the two of you are only a couple seats down from the head of the table. No doubt so Hoskel can ask Ez his own questions about his expedition. Ez pulls out your chair, waiting for you to sit before pushing your seat closer to the table for you.

You smile at him. “Thank you, Ez. Always a gentleman,” you observe happily before lowering your voice and leaning closer to his ear. “Well at least you are in public.” You smirk so only he can see. “In private with me, you’re certainly no gentleman…”

He gets a wicked grin on his face and winks at you as he leans down, his voice practically a low purr against your ear, “I take offense to that, princess. I believe you thought me quite a gentleman this morning.”

“Only after our shower. Before that, you were only a semi-gentleman, Ezreal.” You grin at him as he sits down next to you. Both of you put your napkins on your laps and look around as everyone else settles in. Tonight you’re dining with quite a few members of Piltover’s elite and regardless if you’re very chatty or not, it’s an interesting people-watching opportunity.

Dinner soon starts with an appetizer of a delicious and light soup that reminds you of gazpacho. Once people settle into the course, conversation continues easily again, and sure enough, one of the guests on your end of the table soon asks Ezreal if it’s true he just returned from an excursion.

Ez nods. “I did. I was in the southwest area of Shurima for two months, looking for a legendary tomb only talked about in ancient manuscripts. The tomb is called the Tomb of the Fallen Lovers. Supposedly it’s where an old king went mad and buried himself alive after witnessing the death of his beloved queen via torture when their kingdom was invaded.”

A hush falls over the table as he speaks, everyone eager to hear his story. “How tragic!” You hear someone murmur to their table mate.

Ez turned his head toward the commenter. “Yes it was tragic. What made it even more tragic was she hadn’t been tortured at all. It was all the cruel illusion of an enemy mage. So his queen was unharmed all this time. Then she went mad with grief when she learned what happened to her husband, sealing herself in with him. The tomb is believed to be cursed and anyone who enters will see one of their loved ones being tortured in order for them to lose their will to live, just as the king did. And that’s just one trap protecting the tomb. There are many others as well,” he explained.

He pauses a moment to build up anticipation. Once he looks around, he continues, “The traps were both physical traps, and mental traps caused by magic. And they were hiding things. Elixirs, amulets, and other treasures. Which I was able to retrieve.”

Ez then goes into a longer explanation of a lot of the physical traps he faced. You find yourself getting more and more tense as he explains all the dangers he experienced. He’d really been in quite a bit of peril, and that was upsetting for you to think about. Though you know he is extremely capable, you don't enjoy thinking about your best friend being in danger. As he continues, you’re really hoping Ez can’t see the slight tremor of your soup spoon.

It seems you aren’t so lucky at avoiding Ez’s keen sense of observation. After a couple more moments of him talking, you feel a warm hand gently slide onto your right knee under the table. His hand is over the fabric of your dress, but the thin tulle isn’t much of an insulator from his body heat.

You subtly switch your soup spoon to your left hand so you can covertly slide your right hand on top of his, giving it a gentle squeeze to give your permission to his touch. You then remove your hand from his so you can continue to act as if you’re just listening to his story casually, like everyone else. Internally though, your brain is practically short circuiting as his hand very slowly makes its way up your thigh, above your dress. It takes every ounce of your control to keep from blushing wildly as his thumb gently traced the letters of his name, your name, and then other words you can’t make out against your skirt.

This smart smart man. He knows what he’s doing. You think you’d be used to it by now, with the number of times he’s done it, but every time, his gentle touch manages to completely snare your attention. Soon enough you’re not listening at all to the words of his story, distracted to the point of only focusing on keeping your face pleasantly impassive.

Eventually he gives your thigh one last squeeze before moving his hand back down to your knee. It’s his own way of warning you he’s winding down his story, allowing you time to gradually tune back into his words.

The next person to speak is councilor Hoskel. “Ezreal, you’ve been to many places very few of us could comprehend. Places filled with all sorts of traps, both physical and magical, as you say. What has been the worst or scariest trap you’ve ever faced to get an artifact?”

The unexpected happens. You feel Ezreal, nearly unshakable in all things, freeze and stiffen. His hand on your knee grips a little tighter, as if he’s trying to keep himself anchored to you and to reality. You glance at him, keeping a straight face even as you’re increasingly alarmed to notice he’s gone pale. He’s hesitating, and you can tell by how tense he is this question makes Ezreal think of something that truly rattled him. You hate seeing your usually unflappable partner-in-crime so tense.

As you lace your fingers with his hand on your knee, squeezing his hand reassuringly, you do something you tend to avoid doing at these events. You draw attention to yourself.

Your words to the councilman are coated in a deceptively polite coolness. “Councilor Hoskel, are you aware how insensitive your question is?” It’s a blatantly bold statement, especially to a member of Piltover’s ruling council, but your loyalty to Ez has you speaking without a filter, and well, it’s too late to take it back now.

The rest of the diners sitting around you let out a soft gasp. Hoskel himself looks stunned at your audacity. “Insensitive? Please elaborate,” he demands.

You stare him down as you gently squeeze Ezreal’s hand again, a silent indicator that you’re gladly taking this man on. “I’m sure Ezreal would rather not relive something he classifies as “the worst trap he’s ever faced.” We heard at the beginning of his story the tale of the fallen lovers and how the tomb came to have its name. That entire series of events was caused by an extremely cruel moment of magic. As Ezreal told us, that curse still exists meaning anyone who enters they tomb will see a realistic illusion of someone they love dearly being violently tortured and killed. For the sake of my argument, I’ll use that trap as my example. This is a rhetorical question, but if it were you, would you want to remind yourself of the time you saw an illusion of your lovely wife in that situation?” You say, pausing a moment to let what you just said sink in with everyone before continuing.

“I certainly wouldn’t want to relive that moment, especially not if I only recently experienced it for the first time anyway. That is just one of many psychological, mystical, and physical traps Ezreal has faced across the continent, and not even just the continent, but in that tomb alone, as he just told us. If it were me, the last thing I’d like to do is think about all the moments I faced intense magic or weapons that were set with the sole purpose of killing me. Especially when I must think about said moments because someone wants to be entertained by my answer. That seems like it’s own unique form of psychological torture,” you observe quietly but firmly. “In Piltover, we’ve seen the beauty of magic and human ingenuity, using Mr. Talis’ burgeoning HexTech as an example. What Ezreal does on his expeditions repeatedly brings him face-to-face with magic’s cruelty, as well as the dangerous cunning of humanity. Horrific things you and I could never dare to imagine.” You never once take your eyes off of Hoskel’s face, and you take great pride in the fact that he’s the one to first look away.

Hoskel finally meets your eyes again and nods. His acknowledgment is begrudging as he says, “I see your reasoning. You have an excellent point, Miss…”

“(Y/L/N),” you quickly finish his sentence for him.

Hoskel studies you closely. “Like the history professor at the academy?”

You nod. “Yes sir, he’s my father,” you explain. “My mother is one of the personal attorneys for councilor Kiramman and her family. You also work with my twin brother. He’s a member of the sub council that oversees daily academy affairs.” You explain proudly. You then do another thing you try to avoid at all costs. You brag about yourself, “I myself work in the non-profit sector helping run clinical trials for cancer drugs. It might not be the most “glamorous” work, but I’m proud to do it and try to make a difference in the lives of Piltovans.” Bragging about yourself isn’t something you like to do at all, but you know how elite society craves social connections, and you fear it’s needed in order to make your point to the arrogant man. At least you can brag about the rest of your family, who you are extremely proud of.

Hoskel looks at you with newfound respect. “House (Y/L/N) has done quite well for itself. I should have known who you were. I’d heard you were the one usually found on Ezreal’s arm when he’s at an event such as this, and now I understand why. You and your family are quite impressive.

You smile at Ez, who is looking far more normal-colored at this point, and run your thumb over his knuckles under the table before speaking. “Ezreal and I have been very close friends for almost two decades. We’ve known each other since early childhood. While he brags about my accomplishments, as well as the accomplishments of my family, I certainly don’t think my family’s social connections or achievements are why he invites me.”

It’s at this point you feel Ez squeeze your hand, silently signaling to you he’s jumping back into the conversation. “(Y/N) is right. I bring her because there is no one who understands me better nor is there anyone I trust more. Though I am more than happy to brag about (Y/N) at any time to those who will listen. She’s extremely impressive as we’ve all heard.”

Hoskel nods. “So she is,” he agrees. “And wise. She’s correct. My question to you was insensitive. I apologize, Ezreal. I spoke without thinking.”

Ezreal nods once to the councilor, acknowledging and accepting his apology through the simple gesture.

As the appetizer course is cleared and fragrant roast is set in front of you, you lean over to Ezreal and whisper, “Are you alright, Ez? Based on your reaction I figured that question brought back things you’d rather forget. I didn’t mean to step in as I know you can handle yourself, but…I…”your voice trails off as you hope you didn’t overstep.

Ez looks over at you and squeezes the hand he’s still holding. “Thank you for stepping in. I mean it. You’re exactly right. It brings things to mind I never want to think about again,” he whispers back. “But on a lighter note, how many people can say they have someone in their corner ready to take on a damn council member for them? You hid it very well, but I know you. You were absolutely furious with him.

You nod. “I was livid with him, yes,” you admit. “And I think my mother would be quite proud of how I respectfully tore him down a couple pegs. The question just made me so angry. Hadn’t he been paying attention? Magic and humanity can be cruel.”

“They certainly can be. But anyway, maybe I should start calling you “Angel,” since you were my avenging angel just now,” his voice takes on a playful tone as he responds.

You feel your cheeks get a little warm. “I don’t hate it. Test it out on me once the dancing starts, yeah?” You murmur with a wink.

He squeezes your hand one last time before letting go of it so he can eat the main course, nodding at you. “Good plan, princess."

“Am I falling in love with the one that could break my heart?”

The rest of dinner goes by without any fuss, and soon everyone is excused to gather in the ballroom for dancing. Ez stands and helps you up, again offering a stable arm for you to hold. He murmurs close to your ear, “Ready, Angel?”

You smile and murmur back low against his ear, “A. Yes I am ready. B. Oh I like the new nickname….it gets my stamp of approval.”

He chuckles, “Good because I like it too.”

“Now since it’s been two months, how worried should I be about my feet this evening, hrm?” You tease. You don’t really mean it. Ezreal is a surprisingly divine dancer. He always says that his dancing classes as a kid made his footwork much more agile for his expeditions, and you believe the agility he needs on his expeditions has turned him into an even better dancer.

You glance over to see Ezreal smiling widely at you. He gently squeezes your arm holding onto him. “I feel like I should be asking you that, Angel. You’re in heels this evening,” he murmurs.

You give him a playful pout. “Because of you, Ezreal! You picked out my footwear for tonight.”

He laughs. “So I did. I suppose any damage I take is my own doing.”

“Oh shush,” you giggle as you playfully swat his arm. “You’re skilled enough to deal with my two left feet.”

He smirks widely at you as the two of you find yourself in a beautiful ballroom. There are multiple doors opening to more private balconies, as well as to let air in. There’s also a bar where flutes of champagne and sparkling rosé are being poured. It’s a luxurious space, perfect for someone trying to show off his wealth and power.

You tilt your head towards the bar. “I didn’t have any of the wine with dinner, so I think I’d like some sparkling wine now. Care to join me?”

He instantly starts leading you that direction. “Of course, princess. That sounds like a great idea,” he easily agrees.

Once the two of you have your sparkling wines, him champagne, you the dry sparkling rosé, he leads you by the hand to one of the smaller more private balconies. On the side of the room he picks, there’s only the one, so it really is more like a completely private balcony just for the two of you. He draws the set of curtains in front of the door to show it's occupied. There’s a little table set up, and there’s plenty enough space for two people to dance.

You smile at him and say, “Thank you…my social battery was getting pretty drained when it came to people that weren’t you. This is perfect, Ez. Can we stay out here for a little bit?”

“Angel, we can stay out here as long as you’d like. I was also pretty done with most of the people in there,” he murmurs back as he wraps an arm around your waist and gently pulls you against his side, looking at you fondly. “We should be able to hear the music out here as well, so we don’t even have to go back inside for dancing.”

You sip your rosé and gently rest your head against his shoulder as you and him just watch the sunset. “That sounds…perfect,” you sigh happily.

“Glad to hear it, Angel. I aim to please,” he says.

You glance up at him with a shy smile. “Ezreal, you do an excellent job of pleasing me. In every way that matters and even some that don’t,” you admit. It’s quite an intimate admission, but it’s the truth. Even just being with him, standing here, makes you so very happy.

His eyes light up. “Do I?” he asks in a murmur. “Good. Since we’re being honest with each other, I can tell you that you also do an excellent job of pleasing me, again in all the ways that matter and even those that don’t. Always.”

You finish your wine as he’s talking, gently rubbing his back with the arm you put around him, the one not holding your flute. As he finishes talking, you lean up and kiss his cheek. “Ez, you are so important to me, and I hope you know that. My life would be infinitely darker without you in it,” you say, meaning every single word.

He turns his head and kisses your temple gently. His lips linger on your skin as he quietly confesses, “I do know that. I hope you know I feel the same way about you. A life without you…well that wouldn’t be living to me.”

You look at him as your heart speeds up from his incredibly tender words and the incredibly soft expression he’s looking at you with. “Ezreal…” you whisper, stunned. Tonight alone he’s managed to render you speechless twice by saying the absolute sweetest things. You reach up and cup his cheek, returning his soft expression with one of your own.

Just then, the music starts, disrupting the moment and causing both of you to jump in surprise a little since you were so focused on each other.

You can’t help but start giggling, “Fuck, that scared me!” You lean your head against his shoulder as you continue giggling, and eventually Ez joins in laughing with you, leaning his head on yours for a moment before stepping back from you and facing you.

“Now that we have music, Angel, may I have this dance?” Ezreal asks with a smirk and a well practiced bow, holding his hand out for you to take.

You deposit your empty flute on the little side table before turning back to him and curtsying. “I’d be delighted to give you this dance,” you say, playfully sweet as you place your hand in his, smiling as he easily pulls you closer.

His arms both snake around your waist as the two of you slowly start to sway to the music. Your left arm goes up around his shoulders, while your right hand gently comes up to rest on his chest where his heart is beating. You sigh happily as you let him lead.

He smiles softly at you. “Is this alright, princess?” He asks gently.

You give him a tender smile in return. "Of course," you murmur. “Ez?”

“Yes, Angel?” His soft response gently floats around you, almost like a hug.

“It’s funny you say, Angel, because if you get something new to call me, can I call you something new? You call me Princess, baby, and Angel, while I just call you Ez and Indiana Jones. That seems a little uneven to me."

He smirks gently at you. “I suppose it is uneven. I have no issues with you calling me something else. What were you thinking?” He voices curiously.

“Now of course this would just be between us two when we’re in private, but since you call me baby, could I call you that?” Your voice is shy as you ask the question. “I-I understand if you don’t want me to though, and I can find something else. It just seemed easiest since you already call me that.”

“No, you’re right, that makes sense. Sure, Angel. I have no issues with you calling me that,” he murmurs gently.

You smile brightly at him. “Thank you, baby.” You test out the new nickname. “Oh! What do you think?”

“I like it. It gets my full seal of approval,” Ez states with a grin.

Both of you laugh as you continue to dance with each other, softly chatting for a little bit. Eventually though, you two are just swaying back and forth in comfortable silence, your foreheads resting against one another. The position is so beautifully and peacefully intimate. You’ve never felt as safe as you do on this balcony. And as you realize it, you’re almost a little frightened, as odd as it sounds.

You’ve danced with Ezreal at these sorts of events hundreds of times over the years, but the last few times? Well, you realize they’ve all started feeling like this. Like it’s just you two while everything else is tuned out. Your heart keeps skipping so many beats, all because of one person, the man currently holding you in his arms, and it terrifies you to think about.

Your thoughts start to race as this realization sinks in. Oh shit...what the hell have I done to myself? What have I done in general?? Oh my god….oh my dear fucking god…am I…falling in love with him? Frankly you’re pretty sure you know the answer but you're refusing to believe that right now. That would mean admitting to breaking your own condition you put forth the morning you two agreed to this whole thing. “Condition number 4. No falling in love with each other.”

No, of course I’m not falling in love with him. I’m just surprised because he’s been so sweet since he’s been home this time. It’s because he’s been gone for two months, that’s all. Nothing else. Definitely nothing potentially friendship-ruining. Nope. Absolutely not. Everything is just fine. At this point you’re basically willing yourself to believe that because the alternative isn’t pretty in the slightest.

You're so lost in your thoughts that you don’t notice your arm around his shoulder tightening and your hand on his chest closing into a small fist, but Ezreal does. He can tell you’re completely distracted by something, so he gently kisses your forehead and murmurs softly, “Everything alright, princess? You’re really tense all of a sudden.”

You blink at him in surprise as his gentle voice snaps you back to the present. “O-oh! Y-yes, s-sorry. I didn’t mean to woolgather. I think my feet just finally registered I’m in heels. And they’ve started to hurt a bit. I-it was bound to happen eventually during the evening.” Your excuse is a little weak, but it’s not completely a lie. Your feet are starting to hurt because of the heels.

He nods. “Got it,” he says. “Would you like to sit? Or after one more song we can go home? Whatever you’d like.”

You give him a slightly shaky smile. “One more dance sounds good, Ez,” you decide.

He’s known you long enough though to see that something really has you bothered, and while he knows well that you and heels don’t get along, he’s pretty sure there’s something else in addition to your feet hurting, but he knows better than to push you to talk about it, just as you didn’t push him this morning to talk about what happened on his expedition. He spins you one more time under his arm before gently stepping back.

You hate how the cells in your body immediately seem to protest his absence once he’s away from you, but you can’t seem to help it.

He gives you a bow and murmurs. “The conversation from dinner still has me a little tense. I think going home is wise, Angel. Is that alright with you?"

You start to relax as you nod.

“I know these aren’t your favorite things to go to, so thank you again for coming with me. Truly. There’s no one I’d rather go with,” he says with a small but genuine smile.

Internally, that sets off your alarm bells again. Oh god he can’t say stuff like that to me. I’ll start to believe it…He says it so casually too…fuck me…damnit this isn’t good.

Externally though you manage to keep a calm demeanor, smiling gently at him and squeezing the hand he offers you. “These aren’t my favorite things, true, but you make them much more tolerable,” you admit. You are being honest there. While you might be freaking out inside, you’re not afraid to admit that being with Ez does make elitist society bullshit like this better.

The two of you re-enter the ballroom, leaving the almost cozy little world you created for yourselves on the balcony. The loud hum of conversation is a little jarring compared to the companionable silence and soft conversation the two of you found yourselves in moments ago.

Despite your prior warning thoughts to yourself, you find yourself gripping Ezreal’s hand a little tighter as he leads you through the room to where councilor Hoskel is standing.

Ezreal speaks once he has Hoskel’s attention. “Councilor, we greatly appreciate the invitation. Dinner was delicious and the company delightful. Unfortunately, I find myself still not fully recovered from my journey. I hope you’ll forgive our abrupt departure.”

You listen as he easily slips into the high-society member his parents, when they were here, and uncle trained him to be. You, Ez, and your brother even shared the same cotillion tutor when you were younger, and in moments like this, you’re grateful for the stuffy old woman and her lessons.

You step up next to Ezreal and smile at the elder man. “Yes, truly, thank you for hosting us. I hope the rest of the evening runs just as smoothly as it has so far,” you add on to Ez’s statement.

The councilman smiles at the two of you before jovially saying, “I’m very glad both of you could make it. I look forward to following your next journey, Ezreal. I’m even happy to help fund it when the time comes. And you, Miss (Y/L/N), your future is very bright. Your willingness to always speak your mind and make people listen is unconventional, but very admirable. I’m excited to follow your career, help where I can, and see where you go. I initially thought the friendship between the two of you was an odd pairing, but after the conversation at dinner, I see why Ezreal is always asking you to join him at society events. You clearly do understand him better than anyone. You two make an excellent team, the type of team that only comes from knowing each other as long as you two have. Treasure it in whatever form it takes. Companionship such as this is extremely rare to find.”

You and Ezreal speak simultaneously, “I will.”

You look over at him and blush a little.

Ezreal looks back at you, his expression a little surprised and the very slightest amount of pink on his cheeks. He quickly recovers and turns his attention back to Hoskel. “We appreciate the kind words, sir. Please enjoy the rest of your evening,” he voices before squeezing your hand and leading you from the ballroom to the front of the house where the butler was already informed of your intended departure and had the fancy little carriage brought back around for you two.

You gladly let Ez assist you into the carriage before scooting over on the seat so he can slide in next to you. “That was…that was quite the evening,” you murmur as you gently lean against him and rest your head on his shoulder. “For fuck’s sake, I took on a Piltover councilor. During the soup course!”

Ez’s arm makes its way around you. “For me, nonetheless. It was one of the most impressive things I’ve ever seen, (Y/N),” he chuckles softly before gently turning your head to look at him with a soft finger on your chin so he can gently peck your lips. “Thank you, Angel,” he whispers.

You just can’t help it as you lean forward and peck his lips in return, almost like a second nature response at this point. “You’re welcome, Ez. I'll always stand up for the people in my life that I are care about. You know that," you murmur affectionately.

He gently smiles and pulls you closer, allowing you two the rest of the ride to unwind. He’s just so sweet and gentle with you, but even then you can tell something is still a little off with him. You wager he’s likely still a little shaken up by the question he was asked at dinner, and you can’t blame him. While you don’t know everything Ez has faced, you know enough that pondering the “worst” trap he’s seen must be extremely difficult.

“Ez? Dinner and dancing wore me out, so I think I’m just going to undress and relax in bed for a while and read,” you say.

“I like that idea, Angel. I think I’ll join you, if that’s alright?" His voice goes into a very very gentle tease, “If it helps to convince you, I’ll provide the cuddles…”

You can’t help but giggle softly. “I was hoping you would,” you admit, making him smile widely at you.

Once the carriage gets to the front of his house, he gets out and hops down before turning back to help you. Since it’s really just you two and the driver who doesn’t really care, Ez makes it easy on both of you by just sweeping you into his arms and carrying you inside with a gentle, “So you don’t have to walk anymore in those heels.”

You rest your head against his shoulder. “Thank you Prince Charming,” you sigh happily as he once again carries you easily upstairs and to his room before gently setting you on the bed and helping you take off your heels.

“Happy to serve you, my princess,” he says with a wink, making you laugh. He then moves around and helps you unzip your dress so you can remove it, letting out a low whistle as he again sees the purple set. “Again, you look fucking stunning,” he murmurs. He softly kisses along your neck and jaw as he helps you remove your hose and the rest of the lingerie.

As he focuses his attention on undressing you, you make sure to do the same for him, quickly undoing his tie and unbuttoning his suit, pants, vest, and dress shirt. As soon as his shirt is unbuttoned your hands are on his chest, savoring the delicious warmth of his skin and the sure “thump” of his heartbeat. You can’t help but look up and giggle softly at him, “How unfair…you’ve thoroughly distracted me.”

“Just as you do to me, Angel,” he chuckles as he undresses the rest of the way. “But, let’s at least get your makeup off and our nighttime stuff done before we distract each other too much, yeah?”

You nod and stand, pecking his lips before you go into the bathroom with your toiletries kit, happily beginning to take off your makeup. You call out to him, “Why is it that getting unready almost feels better than getting ready?? I love dressing up, especially in the beautiful things you so kindly get me, but the feeling of removing my bra for the day and getting my face washed and teeth brushed is almost…divine!”

He comes and joins you in the bathroom, sharing the sink with you. “It’s a good question. I can’t relate to the bra part,” he muses with a grin, “but definitely agree about the feeling of getting the night routine done. Maybe it’s because, once you get it done, that’s when you feel like you can most truly relax.”

You nod in agreement as you brush your teeth. He has an excellent point, and you make sure to tell him so once you don’t have a mouth full of toothpaste. “See, now this is why I like you. Most people would write my musings off as silly ramblings, but not you, baby. You gave me a genuine answer, and I agree with you. I think that’s a great reason!” You rest your head on his shoulder for a moment and smile at him in the mirror.

He laughs. “Anyone who dares to call your brilliant mind silly can fight me. We have the most interesting conversations, Angel.”

You blush happily and kiss his bare shoulder before returning to your night routine. Before long, both of you are cuddling in bed, your legs tangled together and his arms around you as you rest against him and happily read your book. The moment is so lovely and peaceful, you practically forget the stressful thoughts you had earlier. Soon enough, you’re falling asleep, nuzzling his neck as he tells you a story about one of his happier adventures.

“No I don’t care about the pain; I’ll walk through fire and through rain; just to get closer to you…”

You’re not sure how long you’ve been asleep when you’re woken up by a soft whimper. Everything is still pitch black out and you’re listening to the stillness to see if it happens again. Eventually you hear it again, and this time you realize it’s coming from Ez who has started shifting in his sleep, based on the movement of the mattress.

“Ez?” you murmur sleepily, wondering if he’s awake. It’s only when he doesn’t respond that you realize he’s likely having a dream.

Suddenly you hear a “(Y/N)? No….no stop!” slip from Ez’s lips.

Oh, he’s sleep talking. He’s saying out loud what he’s saying in his dream, you realize. You focus back on him, trying to figure out what sort of dream he could be having that would make him say your name.

Suddenly, he speaks again, this time his voice a lot more….panicked, which is never a word you associate with your level-headed best friend. “(Y/N)! No! S-Stop! Let her go! She has nothing to do with this! Hurt me if you must, but please don’t hurt her! I’m the one who entered this tomb. N-No! (Y/N)! Kill me, damnit! My life for hers! Just let her go! (Y/N) please hold on! I’m almost there!” His voice is frantic and he’s starting to struggle in the blankets, as if desperately trying to get to you.

Your alarm skyrockets as it’s clear he’s having a terrible nightmare about one of his expeditions and it involves you being hurt in some way. You quickly throw on the lamp on the bedside table and carefully move the covers off of him. While you’re worried about him, you know panicking won’t do anything to help. Your voice is as calm as possible as you shake Ez’s bare shoulder and say, “Ez? Ezreal? Baby, wake up. It’s just a nightmare, Ezreal. It’s (Y/N). Ez! Wake up.”

“No!” he cries out desperately as he suddenly awakens and startles up. His breathing is ragged, tears streaming down his cheeks. He’s trembling and gripping the blanket like a lifeline.

“Ezreal?” You gently turn his head to look in your direction. His eyes are wide and unseeing in a haunted expression, and it’s clear he’s not fully awake yet. You cup his jaw, kiss his forehead, and tenderly wipe away his tears. You continue to speak to him in soothing tones as he shakes like a leaf, “Shhhhh Ez, you’re ok. It’s me. It’s (Y/N). Look at me, baby. Focus on me. Focus on my voice. I’m safe, Ezreal. I’m completely safe. Nothing bad happened to me. It was only a bad dream, Ez. We’re safe in Piltover. We’re safe in your room.”

You note the moment he’s fully awake by the spark of recognition in his eyes.

“(Y/N)? You’re ok? You’re not hurt?” he says, his eyes and voice still holding some panic as he frantically looks you over, hands skimming you to physically check your well being for himself.

Whatever he saw has him absolutely terrified. You’ve never seen him so rattled, and it’s honestly jarring, but you don’t let that show, still intent on calming him at the moment.

You gently rest your forehead against his to get him to really focus on you, continuing to wipe away any tears that fall. Your heart squeezes as you continue try and ease the fear from his eyes. “Shhhh. Shhh Ezreal…breathe slowly for me. I’m ok…I’m safe, baby. I promise you, I’m perfectly fine. It was only a nightmare. We’re together, Ez….we’re safe,” you coo softly before wrapping your arms securely around his shoulders and nuzzling his neck just as he likes. “Feel this? You’re here, safe in my arms…” You softly kiss his cheek before gently kissing his lips, lingering until you feel him start to relax against you and feel his arms wind around your waist to pull you closer.

Once you pull back, you again rest your forehead against his and look him in the eye. As you feel him stop shaking, you peck his lips another time. When you eventually move one of your hands back up to his cheek, he eagerly leans into your touch. You tenderly whisper, “That’s it, Ez….back with me now?”

He sighs deeply and nods, closing his eyes and just letting his forehead rest against yours. His breathing slowly regulates and one of his hands comes up to cover the one you placed on his cheek. “Thank god…it was just a nightmare…or a memory, I suppose,” he murmurs so softly you barely hear it.

“I wonder when you go if I stay on your mind.”

You trace along his jaw lightly with your thumb as you softly inquire, “A memory?” You think for a moment. “Ez, I’m not going to make you tell me anything you don’t want to. But, may I ask some general yes or no questions so I can understand what’s going on? You don’t even have to verbally respond, you can just nod or shake your head if that’s easier. You may also stop me at any time, no questions asked.”

He laces his other hand with yours and nods, giving your fingers a squeeze.

You gently squeeze back. “Thank you for trusting me, baby,” you murmur. “To start, you said this is a memory, so this is something you saw?”

He nods and squeezes your fingers before whispering, “Yes. On my most recent expedition. The one I just returned from.”

You gently lay down, silently directing him to lay on your chest, melting as he rests his head where he can hear your heartbeat. Once he’s comfortable, you get back into your line of questioning.

“I see. Was this the trap you didn’t want to discuss at dinner, and the thing that happened that you didn’t want to talk about this morning?” Your voice is soft but your curiosity is unmistakable.

He squeezes your hand tightly and nods. You softly reach down and cup his jaw, melting even more as he closes his eyes, turns his head, and nuzzles your palm.

“Ezreal, did…did you see m-me being tortured when you were in the Tomb of the Fallen Lovers? Was that the trap?” you ask hesitantly. Based on what you heard him say during his nightmare, and hearing what he's told you so far, you can't imagine what else it would be.

He stiffens again and nods, looking up at you with a haunted expression similar to the one he wore when he wasn’t quite fully awake from his nightmare. Once he starts speaking, he whispers so softly you barely hear him, but his whisper is thick with emotion, “(Y/N)…I saw you being tortured and killed. I heard your screams and sobs as they hurt you. I saw you look at me with terror in your eyes as you cried out for me, desperately begging me to save you, to stop the pain. My very soul felt like it was being ripped apart every time I heard you say my name in such pain, in such fear. It was fucking unbearable, (Y/N). It was as if my deepest nightmare had come to life. I was going insane. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get to you. I could do nothing to help you…and then…I-I couldn’t save you in time. I’d never felt so helpless or useless in my life. I believed I failed to keep you alive, (Y/N). That very nearly broke me…completely. What good is my magic, what good am I, if I can’t protect or save those I care for most?”

You look back at him with wide eyes, your heart breaking at the distress creeping back into his voice.

He pauses for a moment to take a shaky breath. “The only thing that snapped me out of it was remembering the rest of the original story. How it was just a cruel illusion on the king and that the queen was really unharmed. That made me remember that you were still here in Piltover, that you hadn’t come with me to Shurima so it made no sense for your captors to have you. That’s what finally made the illusion and trap fall apart. But, fuck it was so realistic…” his voice finally breaks and you feel warm tears gently drip onto your bare chest as his breathing gets unsteady and he again starts to tremble.

You move your hand up to gently wipe away his tears again. Your voice is gentle and tender as you murmur to him, “Shhh, oh baby. Oh my god…oh Ezreal…” you’re struggling not to let emotion overwhelm you too. “No wonder you didn’t want to talk about it. I’m sure Hoskel’s question and the discussion at dinner had something to do with the memory reappearing in your nightmares. Your strength astounds me, Ez. I’d never want to relive that either if I were in your shoes and I’d seen realistic illusions of you being h-hurt or w-worse. Seeing that happen to you…even if it just turned out to be a t-terrifying illusion…God, Ez, it would completely r-ruin me.” You can’t help but let out a shudder as the horrific thought goes through your mind.

His voice sounds softly, “I also knew if I mentioned that trap they’d ask who I saw in there. You know how nosy that group is. And I didn’t want you finding out I saw you in there at the same time as other people, not when it’s none of their damn business. I wanted to tell you myself, in private. You deserved to hear it from me in private. That’s not the type of news to surprise someone with in public. I respect you too much and you’re too important to me.”

You gently shift down the bed so you can better cuddle him. He immediately nuzzles your neck, allowing you access to kiss his temple. “I’m very glad you told me in private, Ezreal. We’ll need to talk about this more later, because I’m sure it means something important that I can’t comprehend at…” you peek at his clock, “…3:26 in the morning. But for now, let’s table this extremely distressing topic and just focus on trying to get back to sleep. What else can I do to help you right at this moment to help you relax? Would you like some tea? Warm sweetmilk? Water?” You ask softly, playing with his hair.

He thinks for a moment before looking up at you and murmuring, “Warm sweetmilk doesn’t sound bad right now. Can I come with you to make it? I think getting out of bed for a bit would be helpful.”

You nod and trace his lips with your fingertips as you utter a simple, “Of course, Ez…”

You blush as he gently grabs your hand and places a kiss to the inside of your wrist before he gets out of bed and pulls on a shirt and boxers. He tosses you another one of his shirts and then the neatly folded underwear of the lacy purple set so you can also get dressed.

Once you are ready, he offers his hand, giving you a shaky smile as you lace your fingers with his and give his hand a squeeze before letting him lead you into the rest of the dark house.

Despite the darkness and many stairs, thanks to Ez’s guidance, you never feel unsteady or unsure of your step. As the two of you move quietly, you can’t help but silently ponder everything you’ve seen and heard tonight. Why would he see me in the trap? I-is this why he’s been so very sweet lately? It’s overwhelming to think about, especially considering the thoughts you had earlier at the party. As well, for your own sanity, you don’t want to consider how very close you might have come to losing Ez. After calming him, the last thing you want to do is work yourself into a panic. You push those troubling thoughts to the side and move back to the present to focus on making both of you some much-needed warm sweetmilk.

He easily guides you to the kitchens, grabbing a couple mugs while you grab a pot and a cold bottle of milk. The two of you meet back at the stove and you’re relieved to see how he’s already far more relaxed than when he woke up. You pour the milk into a pot and add some sugar, anise, and a couple dashes of cinnamon while Ez easily gets the stove going. You grab a wooden spoon and carefully place the pot over the heated grate. As the milk heats to a simmer, you stir occasionally, keeping a close eye on things and getting lost in the routine of the recipe.

“You’re quite good at that, it seems,” a low voice murmurs by your ear as Ezreal wraps his arms around you from behind and sleepily nuzzles the junction of your neck and shoulder. He lays feather soft kisses there, making you sigh softly and tilt your head a little so he has more access.

“I happen to be a sweetmilk enjoyer when I can’t get to sleep, which is unfortunately more common than I'd care to admit. Are you trying to distract me? You’ll make me scald the milk, Ez,” you voice, mock offense coloring your tone.

You shiver as you hear the smirk in his voice as he whispers, “Would you rather I stop, Angel?”

You’re infinitely glad your teasing Ezreal is back after everything he saw in his mind, even if he’s making it much harder to focus on stirring the milk. “I mean my answer is no, baby, but, since I’m mianly making this for you, maybe you can wait until we’re back upstairs and not dealing with appliances that involve heat. You’re well aware of my clumsiness.” you tease right back.

Ez lets out an exaggerated sigh. “Fine….we can be sensible,” he grumbles, though you can hear the smile he’s trying to hide.

You turn your head slightly and grin, saying, “Out of the two of us, that tends to be my role, yes. The sensible one. You’re the bad influence who managed to corrupt me a little bit. But I’m not really complaining. Being a goody-two-shoes all the time was so stressful.” You finish your point by turning your head a little bit more and kissing his cheek.

“What a pair we make.” This time he definitely can’t hide the smirk on his face.

You laugh as you finish heating the milk, straining out the larger spices as you carefully pour the liquid into the two mugs he brought over. “Hopefully you like it. There are a million different ways to make warm sweet milk, but this happens to be the way I was taught by my mom,” you say as you hand his mug to him and pick up your own.

“Cheers!” You hold your mug up and smile as he gently clinks his against yours before both of you take a first sip.

“Oh fuck,” he sighs happily, his fond gaze finding you. “That’s so good….that is exactly what I needed. Thank you, (Y/N).”

You smile back at him. “Happy to help, Ez. Always.”

You turn off the stove and put the small pot you used into the sink to be washed later. After you return to him and grab your mug, you take his free hand and lead him back upstairs.

Back in his room, you hand Ezreal your mug so you can climb into bed first, sitting up against the pillows. You then take both mugs as he climbs in and settles next to you. Once you give him back his mug, you wrap your free arm around his back, gently cuddling him.

“Now that we have my second favorite sleep aid, how do you feel?” you ask as he lays his head on your shoulder.

He smiles. “Much better. And cuddles certainly don’t hurt either,” he admits shyly. “But back it up a bit. So sweet milk is your second favorite sleep aid. What’s your first?” He asks curiously, popping his head up and adjusting his position so he can look at you.

You can’t help but blush and let out a giggle before smirking widely at him. “It’s you, Ez. I sleep really well when we’re together. You’re number one because your methods definitely make me feel the…well...best,” you confess, unable to keep from giggling some more when you see surprised, wicked delight flash in his eyes as he starts smirking back at you.

“Well well well,” he murmurs. He gives you a mock bow as best he can in his current position as he leans towards you. “Happy to be of service, my princess,” he whispers playfully into your ear before capturing your lips in another deep kiss that you’re helpless to resist.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! This chapter was really interesting and fun to write. Like obviously Ezreal comes off as so confident and arrogant almost always, but the man has likely seen some shit in his travels and I wanted to explore that a little. Also I am a SUCKER for a good FWB gone wrong story. It's looking like Chapter 3 will be the last chapter of this particular fic, but I'm enjoying this "universe" so don't be surprised if there is a future one-shot based in it lmao.

#ezreal #ezreal fic #ezreal x reader #reader insert #ezreal fluff #ezreal smut #ezreal angst #league of legends #league fanfic

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