#but the crisis dan is going through in this fic is one i go through more often than i'd like

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Phil's 'I Nearly Died' Fics Masterlist

a blur. (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: ‘’-and I love that hat. I wear it allll the time, Dan gets annoyed but I think he’s just faking it.’’ Phil voices smugly.

‘’Oh yeah?’’ says Dan, as he gently picks up the hat and rests it on Phil's head.

‘’Mhmm,’’ says Phil, as he begins to look exhausted again, the conversation clearly knocking any energy he had out of him.

(Basically just another fic about the recent hospital trip.)

bragging rights (ao3) - wednesday_ukiru

Summary: A hot doctor sits down next to Phil as he’s coming off anesthesia.

checking in (ao3) - pensieveity

Summary: phil is out of surgery and dan brings him his long ass list! also phil is out of it the whole time <3

Did Your Son Take It? (ao3) - steddieornot

Summary: “Did your son take it home?”

She watched as his face distorted into a bizarre mix of horror and disgust. Whoops. Not his son then.

She went to open her mouth to apologise before he slurred out “erm, yep, he’s bringing back clean clothes,” he then sluggishly attempted to school his expression into a neutral one.

Hospitals and homosexuals (ao3) - trashcanfromgallifrey

Summary: The story of Phil's near death experience

...

Dan was always good in a crisis. Blame that traumatized kid gene of being absolutely calm in the face of chaos.

He went into full adrenaline mode and left no space for any emotions to intervene. He’d always been that way.

Today was different. 

not a lot, just forever (ao3) - blossomsphan

Summary: “intertwined, sewn together

not a lot, just forever” - adrianne lenker

working through the feels post-hospital incident ❤️‍🩹

Proxy Requests (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: A story about poop and fear (unrelated)

Sweet Haribo (ao3) - geoculuci

Summary: Phil says corny shit to Dan while he’s high on fentanyl at the hospital

The Beeping Penthouse (ao3) - gaydreaming

Summary: Set during the events of How Phil Nearly Died. Dan does his best to take care of Phil after their traumatic day, despite being terrified himself. As is to be expected, things dissolve into softness and silliness rather quickly, until they're both able to feel okay again.

Through Sickness and In Health (ao3) - Mysticallykai

Summary: After Phil's hospital stay and their vacation, Dan and Phil try to fall back into their routine. Though it's hard to go back to normal when your normal has changed so suddenly. How will the significant health scare affect Dan and Phil even weeks after it's over?

the hot doctor (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: Plot twist: it was Dan.

the pool noodle fight (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: Navigating the emotional aftermath of Phil's near-death experience with the help of, uh, some foam pool toys.

to love somebody the way i love you (ao3) - howell_slide

Summary: Dan and Phil return home from the hospital, and Dan’s Going Through It emotionally.

[vellaphoria]

WIP Wednesday :D

thanks for the tag @marirah!

what do you mean it isn't wednesday anymore

I can't remember if I've posted this before?? So if I have lol.

This is an excerpt from a (DickTim) canon divergence AU of Infinite Crisis if Dan Didio (derogatory) had his way and Nightwing died in the final battle. And then came back to haunt Tim as a ghost, not that Tim knows that's what's happening at first

The actual fic is going to need a lot more warnings, but this one just has a warning for spoopiness:

Tim can’t close his eyes for more than the space of a blink. Every time he tries… The tension coiling beneath his skin won’t let him sleep. Instead, it leaves him brittle. Even though he lies in a bed that should provide more comfort than any other. He wants to turn and move about. His side hurts from stillness. But lying like this, he can see the door clearly. The light beneath it, too. For minutes or hours he keeps his eyes fixed on it until he sees the shadow. It crosses quietly, stopping halfway through. Every time this happens, he becomes very keenly aware that he’s the only one in the house. His eyes stay locked on the door. Slowly, the knob turns. First one way, then the other. But the lock holds. The shadow slips away, off to the side. He’s alone again. He exhales, long and slow. The tension leaches from him slowly but surely. A few minutes more and his eyelids become heavy, sinking. The edge of sleep is almost within reach when he hears… something. It sounds a little like the creaking of floorboards and a lot like it’s coming from behind him, on the side of the room he isn’t watching. All at once, the tension returns. The sheets and blankets shift from comforts to constraints. The mattress dips. The room is deathly quiet but for the near-silent sound of moving sheets. He holds his breath as warmth begins to spread along his back, and as the movement of the bed and the blankets create the suggestion of someone lying down beside him. The pressure grows against his back, his hips, and the bend of his knees. A band of it stretches out, curling around his chest. Heat pools against his neck at even intervals, almost like breath. Tim swallows. The pressure tightens.

This fic was supposed to be short and somehow ended up with 15k words and counting because I've lost control of my life lol

It's not really wip wednesday anymore, so consider yourself tagged if you'd like to be <3

[mercurygray]

Merc, what kind of Historical Military Man gets the wheels turning for you? What are the markers of 'Oh, that one, that one is now mine'?

Nat, I'm going to be honest, this question provoked something of an existential crisis. so I went back through, like, 20 years of fandom favorites to see if there's a pattern.

Spoiler: there isn't, apart from a perennial need to be different. This is kind of long .

2001 (ish) - Lord of the Rings is coming out, and you are either a Legolas or Aragorn girl. I am deep in my 'not like the other girls' phase and decide Boromir is actually the superior choice here. (This leads me to watch A LOT of period dramas that are probably not appropriate for for me at this age, including Clarissa and Lady Chatterley's Lover.) It also leads me to the Sharpe books, which are great and awesome. Richard Sharpe doesn't necessarily do anything for me as a character, but that gets me into Hornblower, which gets me into the Aubreyad, which leads me to read a lot about the Napoleonic Wars in high school. Cliff-diving into a different historical period is now something I do every single summer.

I also spend about 5 years (2008-2013) writing a 225,000 word fanfic in which Boromir doesn't die.

2010-2015

Matthew Crawley (Dan Stevens) is really only in the army a brief while but who can say no to the blue eyes and the absolute vibe he has going with Mary?

During the Downton phase I decide to raid the library for other period dramas, again, and watch The Forsyte Saga. Soames Forsyte is not a man you love, but Damian Lewis has A Face and I know he was on Band of Brothers, which the library perennially never has a copy of.

2011

I finally watch Band of Brothers in its entirety my senior year of college and am a little disappointed I appear to be missing large parts of the story. (Future rewatches will explain that this is actually a feature of the show, not a bug.) My recollections of this are hazy, but I'm fairly certain my favorite character the first time I watched this was Lewis Nixon (Ron Livingston). He's dark-haired, he's funny, he's an absolute mess with a trust fund. Dick Winters (Damian Lewis) also has one hell of a face. He's a red-head, he's in charge of everyone else, he doesn't say much, and he is tall. I know there must be fic for this show but am also very, very sure it is shippy in a direction I do not want to read, so I do not go looking for it.

TURN - 2014-2017

Ben Tallmadge (Seth Numrich) is the guy to watch on TURN: he's a lieutenant, he's tall, he struggles with rules, but the entire fandom is also crazy about him and the leading queen bee in the OC end of that fandom is a real pain about it, so I decide I will not be writing for him no matter what it costs me to hold off admitting I want to. However, in the next episode we meet his best friend, Caleb Brewster (Daniel Henshall) who is short, bearded, dark-haired and chaotic. The moment he comes onscreen I love him. Sadly, no one is reading fic for him and this project is abandoned.

In Season 3, we meet the Marquis de Lafayette. Historical Lafayette is a tall, awkward redhead in need of a father figure who makes up for war experience with boundless enthusiasm. His letters home are adorable. Show Lafayette (Ben Wiles) is tall and enthusiastic. I love him anyway and I make it everyone's problem for, like, a year.

2016-2017 - Mercy Street

Henry Hopkins (Luke Macfarlane) is a military chaplain in a hotel-turned Union hospital in Alexandria, Virginia. He's tall, he's a little tortured, and he has a knack for putting others first. Wrestling with some past choices, his romance with Emma Green, the privileged daughter of the family who owned the hotel, is sweet and full of pining. I write so much fix-it fic for them it's not even funny. (I love this show because the female characters I love come pre-installed. Please watch this.)

2016 - Dunkirk

I see this movie three times in theaters and love it more each time. Collins (Jack Lowden) is a blonde RAF flyboy with a very adorable face. (Tom Glynn Carney is also a face I like but he's on a backburner for a bit.) I write a lot of fic about it and affectionately refer to this as my first Planes Go Zoom phase.

2020

Two weeks into the pandemic I decide rewatching Band of Brothers is a good idea and buy the book and the DVD set from my local secondhand bookshop like I am doing a drug deal in a parking lot. Two weeks after that I am writing a fanfic for Dick Winters (Damian Lewis) because I am a loon who likes men in charge and painfully slow burns.

2021

Still in the middle of a pandemic I decide to watch The Pacific, because I make good decisions, apparently. Hoosier Smith (Jacob Pitts) is a taciturn, wise-cracking friend of Leckie's who is joked about as being the pretty one. He is. Andrew Haldane (Scott Gibson) is quiet, unassuming, and in charge, and played college football for Bowdoin. Very dad energy. Extremely charming. Dead in three episodes as history intended. Fix-it fic incoming.

2022 Top Gun Maverick comes out. Jake "Hangman" Seresin (played by Glen Powell, who I loved in Hidden Figures and The Guernsey Literary Potato Peel Pie Society) has a jawline you could cut something with and an attitude. My friends think I am mental. Second Planes Go Zoom phase coupled with Devotion, which comes out shortly after.

SAS Rogue Heroes comes out. I have been really looking forward to seeing Tom Glynn Carney in something else and he delivers. Mike Sadler is blond, extremely good at his job, not capable of suffering fools, and far too attractive for the desert.

2024

We do not even make it out of trailer season before I realize I still have a Thing (TM) for Callum Turner's face, which I have known since he was Theseus Scamander in Fantastic Beasts. Watching The Boys in the Boat before this all starts doesn't help - he has regrettably blond hair but thighs for days and shoulders you could hang the universe on. John "Bucky" Egan, is tall, dark-haired, incredibly generous spirited and nominally in charge. I want all of it. The rest of the fandom does too. I try to make peace with that and write anyway. Third Planes Go Zoom phase.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

General Rated Fics Masterlist

a new sensation (ao3) - strxngersagain Luke/Calum G, 16k

Summary: Calum needs a date for his sister's wedding, and Luke has never been to Scotland.

Beside You (ao3) - orphan_account Luke/Ashton G, 27k

Summary: Luke Hemmings was just 19 years old when he became a father to his little girl, Finley Elizabeth.

When his longtime girlfriend left the two of them shortly after Finley’s first birthday, Luke struggled to manage his life as a world known rockstar and a full-time dad.

Through the struggles the boys were there for him through it all.

Some just formed a better bond than others.

bloom (ao3) - calumhood (orphan_account) Calum/Ashton G, 2k

Summary: calum is too nervous to talk to the beautiful guy behind the flower shop counter.

C'est lui pour moi, moi pour lui, dans la vie (ao3) - orphan_account Michael/Luke G, 3k

Summary: Michael and Luke just really like to hold hands, okay?

Come On Skinny Love, Just Last The Year (ao3) - senioritastyles Calum/Ashton G, 4k

Summary: "Daddy!" Evan calls, eyes wide as he looks just past Ashton.

Ashton barely has time to turn around before his cart crashes into someone else's, his distracted walking leading him right into the collision. He looks up to apologize as Evan quietly giggles next to him, somewhat hiding behind Ashton's legs, and Ashton is met with warm dark brown eyes and golden skin and a smiling stranger who doesn't seem even remotely miffed at Ashton. The stranger is beautiful really, it's the only way Ashton can think to describe him as he fumbles trying to find his voice.

Or: Ashton is a single dad and he meets Calum by chance.

Enchanted (ao3) - RoseAmaranth Luke/Ashton G, 2k

Summary: After realizing that his bandmates never got to go to their senior formal, Ashton decides to set up a little something in his house. And that's totally the only reason he has for wanting to host a private formal in his home. Yep.

even stars in the skies, they're wrong (ao3) - bellawritess Michael/Ashton G, 2k

Summary: “Can I stay?” Michael whispers, and Ashton nods, hoping that Michael will understand that this is a special circumstance, that Michael is a special circumstance, that Ashton wouldn’t let just anyone sit under the stars with him whilst he has an existential crisis.

Guess I was Running from Something (I Was Running Back to You) (ao3) - TheseEmptySoundsAndEndlessStories Luke/Calum G, 5k

Summary: Usually it’s Calum who offers to walk home with Luke and the night Luke does it, Calum takes a chance.

Halcyon (ao3) - TempestRising G, 7k

Summary: 5 times One Direction taught 5 Seconds of Summer a thing or two / 1 time they returned the favor.

He Looks So Perfect (ao3) - Emmybazy Luke/Calum G, 3k

Summary: It’s not creepy to have a crush on someone you’ve never spoken to. It’s not. Right?

Or, Luke and Calum take the same subway to work.

Hold For All Eternity (ao3) - senioritastyles Luke/Ashton G, 2k

Summary: Luke works at the new penguin exhibit and Ashton asks him out.

Summary: Luke works at the new penguin exhibit and Ashton asks him out.

i feel the wind in my hair, chasing after you (ao3) - hideforalifetime Luke/Ashton G, 18k

Summary: Luke works more than he should, is paid less than he should be for the amount of hours he works, goofs off at lunch with Calum, goes home to his dog Petunia in the evening and watches whatever’s on HBO. Then he does it all over again. And he’s sick of it. He wants a change. He wants to be the guy he was in college, free of all worries like rent and bills and all that bullshit. Just walking from class to the dorm to the bar, and every weekend, he’d go off on his own, just him and his motorbike.

Or, the one where workaholic, control freak biker Luke Hemmings meets the most laid back guy he's ever seen. And he's hot, which is a plus.

It’s a hell of a ride (ao3) - petalrock Luke/Ashton, Michael/Calum G, 3k

Summary: “We ride at noon,” Ashton informs him, eyes idly tracking Luke’s aerial trajectory. “Are you in or not, Hemmings?”

Luke’s no trips on his tongue. He knows that Ashton is using his last name on purpose to make him feel older and cooler. Sadly, self-awareness doesn’t stop it from working. It’s stupid that this trick still gives him cotton mouth. Still, it’s gonna take more than a nickname to convince Luke to trespass on private city-owned property in broad daylight.

Ashton seems to know this, because he says, “You can ride with me.”

And hell, if that doesn’t sway Luke immediately.

'I wasn't expecting that' (ao3) - Forbiddenmichael Calum/Ashton G, 10k

Summary: On his sixteenth birthday, Ashton gets his soul mate tattoo, and it's everything he hoped for. Even is his soul mate does sound a little bit sarcastic and snarky. A few months later, on the other side of Australia, Calum woke up on his sixteenth birthday with his soul mate tattoo. And needless to say, it's everything he hoped it wasn't. 'What colour even are your eyes?' 'Wait, you’re a boy? You’re meant to be a girl.’

or when Calum and Ashton have waited for there soul mate tattoos for so long and what they get isn't what either of them expected. they aren't what each other expected either...

my secrets are burning a hole through (my heart) (ao3) - orphan_account Luke/Calum G, 4k

Summary: Calum breaks up with his girlfriend because he's in love with his best friend, Luke. They don't talk until one night, Calum drunk dials.

never be (ao3) - radiance OT4 G, 4k

Summary: luke, calum, michael and ashton all work on the hemmings' farm during the summer.

sand falling through my fingers (ao3) - deserteyes Michael/Luke, Calum/Ashton G, 669

Summary: Ashton does some thinking while filming the Complete Mess music video.

Somebody I Don't Know (ao3) - MCRmyGeneral Michael/Calum G, 7k

Summary: Calum walks into his unlocked apartment to find someone sitting on his couch cuddling Duke. Which is not unusual; his friends all have keys.

Except that Calum has absolutely no idea who this guy is, or why he’s in his apartment hugging his dog.

songbird (ao3) - lemoncheerios Luke/Calum G, 1k

Summary: A writing session goes stale, and Luke finds something else to do.

What More Can I Do? I Am Still Painting Flowers For You (ao3) - orphan_account Calum/Ashton, Michael/Luke G, 8k

Summary: Ashton, Michael's roommate, moves into Calum's town and Calum just might be falling for him. So hard that he needs to keep track of how much he actually is and Michael just seems to be a little too smitten over Luke Hemmings, Ashton's housemate.

[msfbgraves]

Lmao, all this sudden hatred of Terry and his slip up in your fanfiction takes me back way back to 2002 when the Brits made a mini TV series of the Russian classic, Doctor Zhivago. Yuri, the main character, cheats on his lovely, angelic wife Tonya (who he has cute kids with too) with “the slut” Lara. It was a loose adaptation and just okay, but I remember it especially because of the supreme rage comments the cheating got, especially from internet crusaders and trolls. Lara of course got the brunt of it since she’s always been one of literature’s most loathed characters (also because she’s the other woman). 

But the scene that really riled people was when Tonya was giving birth, and nurse Lara helps her—and Tonya realizes that she’s been fucking her husband Yuri. It’s a really awful and hurtful scene and the keyboard warriors had a field day with it back in the day on Y*utube. It was just the final straw for them. Even millions dying in the Russian Revolution and the Gulags didn’t bother them as much. But the cheating—HELL NO! 

I believe it hits a little too close to home. Very few people are afraid their partners may become involved in the mob or the Russian Gulag, but cheating - that could happen! And the Anon asking must have thought it was a possibility, or else why ask? I could have shut that down by "Alphas in their Nature never cheat", but I have already established that Nature isn't absolute. Amanda doesn't 'act' like an omega at all. Some people feel Daniel is not submissive enough for the trope. Well then - isn't it possible for Terry to go against the Alpha nature? If the rule was set in stone in this verse a tempting would never even occur. That would be like tempting a human with a delicious plate of the greenest, freshest spring grass. Useless. Humans don't eat grass. But since Anon already thinks Terry might be tempted, why not explore the possibility? I am demonstrably not the only one who thinks it could happen. And yes, it happens the one time, because Terry thinks he can have a bit of bachelor life back, and immediately realises that no, oh God, no, this actually recommits him to his love completely, and Daniel does not even know it happens, that's suddenly unforgivable? Not what he did for Daniel to actually leave? (Though people are reexamining that mess too!) but a drunken fling that makes him understand how deeply he actually loves his mate? That's what set people off?

There seem to be roughly, two kinds of flavours people want to see for this fic. Many want to see the happy times, yes. But there's also a lot of people constantly coming back to their angsty side. Which is legit. This whole fic is two people working through the fact that their love is built on an act of violence, a violence they have to transform. And this, one, terrible crisis - people have kept picking at that scab in asks. To the discomfort of people wanting the good times. Still, maybe it's easier to not dwell on if you are not afraid you will ever get in the position where edgy but good lovemaking (that people also keep asking for), tips into a bad experience. I can tell you that line in and of itself can also be very thin. Still, maybe that does not feel very immediate. But it surprises me that many people seem to realise that this is what happened between them - all the sexy, edgy, dangerous passion tipping into actual danger mid lovemaking - only when I introduced a danger people can relate to. It seems to put it into terms that hit home.

To me, a drunken, angry fling during a visceral fight is far less damning than what actually happened in the lead up to it. So I was like: "Ah, well, if people can handle that, they'll understand about the cheating."

Guess not!

To me it felt like a possible very ugly outcome of the basis of their marriage. This marriage was Daniel being used to neutralise this side of Terry and he has. But that doesn't mean that side of him is dead. And it came back up and I feel that it is a testament to Daniel's strength and the strength of the love they both built that this could be a litmus test of their bond. This is a betrayal that Daniel will not tolerate and it is really up to Terry now to choose who he is going to be: the one who would hurt Daniel to soothe his ego or the one that would let himself be changed, actually changed, by his love for him?

But you know, people can be self righteous in these scenarios. It's still too easy for Terry to rationalise that he may have been 'in the right' as the Alpha. He already feels he's not, actually, before he cheats, but he's still angry at all the LaRussos, and Daniel for "giving him a hard time". It's the cheating that finally makes it click - this is what I'm risking. This is what I've done. This is so much deeper than my ego and if I have to take my ego out of it, what remains is that I've done something utterly monstrous.

And I have to make amends. Actual amends.

[americanphancakes]

New One-shot: Purple or Yellow

Rating: G

Tags: Mostly just Dan, Nail Polish, Interactive Introverts tour, Sexuality Crisis, Labels, Angst

Words: 563

Summary: Dan wants to paint his nails for pride month. On one hand, the rainbow flag is represented. But on the other hand...

Written for the Pride Flash Fic Fest from @phandomficfests

Read on AO3

[callmearcturus]

the gross pointe blank au

goddammit i CANNOT locate the post about this

okay so before the Epilogue killed my love of HS, i was meticulously planning out a fic that spiritually became SWDKTOWL. it was the Gross Pointe Blank AU.

the basic concept was a reworking of the original movie but with dirkjake. jake and dirk were high school sweethearts-- oh shit i found the original summary

Jake English went through the same crisis a lot of teenagers do on the cusp of adulthood, and ran away from home. He ran all the way into the army and was funneled into a particular CIA program that handles extrajudicial operations. He learned plenty of important life skills, like sniping and poison application and martial executions before leaving the CIA to go into business for himself as a private contractor.

Back in Austin, Jake left behind his high school sweetheart, Dirk Strider, but Dirk Strider never quite left him, carried around like a bullet waiting for its home. First, Jake dreamed of Dirk nightly, the boy he’d stood up and run away from. Then, a few years later, he learned his old flame was running a radio show back home. Soon, Jake’s jobs were filled with the voice of that same ghost every night.

He didn’t have to acknowledge how creepy this was, pining over his ex while listening to his show during jobs. Not until a job called him back to Austin, back to his once hometown.

This was going to be awkward.

yeah so jake runs away from home, becomes a gov't agent, then goes into business as an assassin, traveling the world, meeting people, and killing them. he's very much adrift, and still hung up on the things he abandoned and left behind.

when the information tech revolution happens, jake gets a smartphone and does the one thing you should NEVER DO and looks up his ex. dirk is still in Austin, TX, and it turns out his rich daddy bought him a radio station (well, Dave bought the station and thus Dirk can do his nightly music-and-philosophy show). and when jake realizes he can stream this show, he starts doing so. every night. his phone remains synched to the time zone back in Austin just so he can always know when its time.

i had this very very vivid image of jake, just getting out of a really bad job, stealing a car, and parking it in one of those tall, automated parking garages in dubai. as he waits for his pain meds to kick in at 1am, he listens to dirk's show, his phone resting on his chest, listening to dirk talk about obscure music opinions.

(many more details under the cut)

also here's the kicker; i was going to try to uh. voice the segments and embed them in the fic. yeah i know, terrible. here's the only one i previewed, all the way back in 2019. yeah don't laugh at me.

anyway, eventually The Plot kicks off. Jake fucks up a job (i had it in my head he was supposed to assassinate Cronus but accidentally killed Eridan, and the client (Dualscar) was Not Happy). he has to take a high profile job in the US to make amends. it just so happens to be in Austin, TX. What are the fucking odds.

now in the original GPB movie, Dan Akroyd plays this rival assassin who wants to form an Assassin Union and tries to force John Cuscak to join in. that's dated now in 2022, as it was in 2019 when i was plotting this so instead:

as soon as jake lands in the US, his car is tailed. really unsubtly. he finds a secluded spot to pull off too. it turns out good old Janey wants to have a chat. now that Jake has slinked back to the US, she wants to float this idea she has of franchising the murder biz, and she wants Jake to buy in and open one of the franchises under her banner. Jake is like yeah no that seems silly, this is an industry of mentally ill folks with a shitload of guns, we're not exactly the most community-driven of peoples. Jane tells him to reconsider. 8) He should really reconsider. Under her plan, in 5 years there will be no freelance work, it'll ALLLLL be under her umbrella and if Jake knows what's good for him, he'll get in at the ground floor. They part contentiously.

So Jake is SUPPOSED to open up this dossier on his target and get to killing, but. He's back home, and can super casually drive past Dirk's radio station while listening to it. Not creepy at all! Not obsessed and hung up on it! Nope!

He gets caught out eventually, not by Dirk but by Roxy. (Roxy is trans and Jake was the first person she told her cool new name too, and they were super close back in the day.) She is hyped as fuck to see Jake but also like "yo why the fuck are you idling in a rented car outside the job of the dude you stood up so much you left the fucking country, homes?"

it's a mess, and Jake wants to reconnect with people. it's Fucking Hard because he's uuuuuuuuuuh having a midlife crisis? basically? thinking about his life, his job, and all he left behind. meanwhile, jane is trying to do jake's assassination before he can to scope it out from under him and get him into even DEEPER shit with Dualscar, but jake cannot focus on that shit when he finally can see dirk again.

and dirk is. not THRILLED to see him. because Dirk waited and waited and waited, and Jake never came back, and Dirk isn't SAYING he never got over it but. yeah. so Dirk is tsuntsundere at best with jake, but jfc every time they are in a room together they can Feel It, the tension.

All of this is interspersed with more radio segments. one i really liked was Dirk doing a Arctic Monkeys block and having a whole segment about Alex Turner and that thing he said about how he wrote the best album of 2013 ("AM") and how fucking infuriating men like that are, because he's right, obviously, but also what is the poisoned lure of dudes who walk around knowing the effect they have on you? how do you handle them? (he's talking about jake natch) there was a lot of specially curated music that's basically a conversation-by-proxy with jake, i was gonna have a lot of fun there.

anwyay, things come to a head. right as jake is like "okay I'm gonna do this final job and then QUIT and try things with dirk," he opens the dossier he shoulda opened two weeks ago.... and his target is Dave fucking Strider. dumb. fucking. luck.

jake rushes to save dirk's dad from being merced by Jane's team, and does the full john cusack, "Dirk. [murders a guy] I'm in love with you. And I think we can make this work!" action sequence

/JAZZ HANDS

[blackberry-gingham]

Talk Tonight | Sabretooth x GN!Reader

Chpt 1 | Next...>

You live a peaceful life far on the edge of the city, thankfully far far away from the seemingly constant upswing of mutant mayhem. The commute to work is a little long sure, but your sanity is worth it. It's not that you hate mutants, it's just... Well... Trouble seems to follow them.

In a stroke of misfortune that only you could possibly fall into, it would seem that, despite all your efforts, one such piece of trouble has managed to find you.

tag list: I don't want to spam my doc ock readers with this non doc fic, so lmk if you want back on the list 😅 In the meantime, @samatedeansbroccoli

tags: amnesia Sabretooth era (it's a comic thing, trust me), mentions/threats of violence, gender non-specific reader

---

A cold, autumn night. The middle of the woods. Darkness as far as the human eye can see.

Hands gnarled and bloodied. Lungs on fire, hot and overworked with labored breath.

But he doesn't dare stop running.

Rushing, pounding blood racing through his ears. Sounds like a river. He wishes it would stop. How else can he know if he's still being chased?

The underbrush stabs and slashes at his face and exposed skin. Every minute he earns himself a new injury. They didn't even bother to give him a damn shirt.

But he can't stop.

Fear controls his every sense. It propels him forward on exhausted arms and legs. Deadens his nerves. Pumps up his heartbeat to it's functioning limit. Locks his head forward. Away, far away, from the prison he's escaping.

He can't even look back. The terror within won't let him.

The rushing grows louder and louder. It's deafening. Suffocating. An eerie darkness haunts the edge of his vision. He's losing breath faster then he can replace it. More and more what little he can make of the distance ahead grows shorter and shorter.

Where the fuck is he?

Time and location... The hour, the day, the fucking year, all escape him. Where did he come from? Where is he going? Perhaps these questions would be less chilling, if only he knew something, anything, more then simply his name.

Victor. That memory came on it's own.

Sabretooth. Now, that... That's what they've been calling him.

His memories are gone. Lost. Perhaps forever.

But he couldn't live another day in that damn cage. That damn... dark, empty room.

Did they think their pretty holograms were enough? That they made up for keeping him locked up like a pet? That the little illusion of freedom would make him happy?

He may not remember what happened to him, but he fears his body remembers all too well. The cage was... Wrong. Not his home.

Has he been locked up before?

So many questions... None of the answers.

What does he fear more, where he's going or going back to where he's been?

No answers.

Just... Run.

A little house on the edge of societies. The forest behind. The city far beyond to the front.

You sip your steaming tea and type out another line.

Are..... The Mu-tants.... Growing... More... Dan-ger-ous?

Hm. Not a bad headline.

Not a wrong one either.

You sit back. The clock ticks quietly in the background. You take another, long sip.

The likes of the city are far too dangerous the way you see it. There's a new crisis every damn month. Now adays... Feels like every other week. Mutants aren't all to blame, but... Damn. Seems like an awful lot of them.

The city is too dangerous... But the countryside fits you just fine.

It's quiet out here.

Isolated.

Just how you like it.

What are the howls of wolves and the lumbering of a few bears to entire city blocks being blown to hell by the monster of the week?

Just a few more lines to this weeks article. You'll take it in to HQ this weekend. The one and only time you head into civilization. Then... Maybe a nice bath before bed.

The click of a button. A sigh of relief.

No sooner do you rise from your chair then does a crash disturb your blanket of silence.

Damn possums... Probably trying to hole up in your shed again.

It's only a quick detour to your rifle on the mantle. Just in case.

An even faster route out the back door and over to your little tool shed.

The rickety old door hangs half torn off its hinges. Back and forth, it creaks in the wind. You chamber a round and approach with light steps.

Closer and closer... Something is in there. And it damn well isn't a possum.

Heavy, huffing breath sets you on high alert. Could be a cougar for all you know.

Barrel first, you nudge the damaged door aside. Sweeping left... To right... There. A shadow moves, off in the corner. Something... big.

You don't dare take your finger off the trigger. With your other hand, fast as your reflexes will allow, you click on the dusty, ancient light. It crackles. Then buzzes.

The tiny room is flooded with light.

You suppress a gasp. Your blood runs cold. A man. A grown man. Bigger then anyone else you've ever seen. Yet just as filthy and wild looking as any other animal.

On instinct, you raise your rifle, aimed to shoot.

The stranger lays prone, cowering in the dusty, cobwebbed corner. He looks up at you with wide, frightened eyes. Pft, scared? Good. He should be...

You don't budge, "You can either walk out, warm... Or I can drag you out, cold. Make the smart decision"

His response is to hunch lower down. You can only see his amber eyes above the massive, bloodied forearms. Blood, but no cuts. And forearms... Forearms that lead to large, savagely clawed hands...

Mutant.

He must have noticed your glance. He doesn't take it too kindly.

The mutant lifts his head just enough, offering a weak, but low growl in response. Jesus, his teeth...

Teeth... Or should you say fangs? The canines of the average man are nowhere to be seen. In their place, are a pair of long, vicious fangs. Bigger then those of any animal's you've ever seen.

You take an aggressive lurch forward, rifle re-aimed, "Did you not fucking hear me?"

The stranger immediately reverts into submission. Head down and a pitiful, animalistic whine is all he has to say.

He doesn't want to talk? Fine. Maybe he'll listen.

Krak-Kow

A tiny hole in the timber wall, right above the big man's shoulder, explodes into splinters. You quickly chamber another round and aim lower. But the warning shot was all you needed.

Finally moved to action, the mutant jumps up. Without lowering your sights, you move aside so he can flee out the way he came.

He does not.

The tiny shed is barely big enough for him to stand. He continues to hid behind his arms, large paws covering his ears, his body turned squarely at you... "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...", he begs. "Don't... Shoot again". The stranger opens his elbows a little to reveal his face. Strange. It's almost like...

His voice drops to a conspiratorial whisper, "They'll find me"

Not scared of the gun... Scared of the noise.

"Oh, now you can talk?"

Unbelievable.

You fire a round into the roof, load the chamber quickly, and follow it up with one more.

The mutant flinches at every shot.

"I don't give a damn... Get. Out."

But he no longer hears you.

The stranger sinks against the wall. Eyes closed and shoulders hunched. He pleads and pleads, till tears spill from his wrenched up eyes, for nothing in particular. There he sits. Shivering and falling apart. You almost feel pity.

...Perhaps you pushed him too hard.

Mutants are dangerous, sure, but... Not all. Hell, you said so yourself, didn't you? ...Fine. You'll bite.

"Who's going to find you"

The big man continues to sob, even after you've lowered your gun. He shakes his head 'no', "I don't know, I don't know..."

While that rather unhelpful answer only serves to piss you off just that little bit more... He seems to only grow more distressed by admitting it.

You know... There is a chance that he could be telling the truth. A small one, but... Just maybe...

There's some weird shit that goes on out here. Everyone knows it. No one wants to talk about it.

Deeper in the woods. Noises and bursts of light and so, so much more. A school for mutants, they say. Some sort of rehab, you figured. But then... Why so secretive?

Do they accept mutants...

Or take them.

Like this poor bastard, for instance.

Hmp. Damn it...

You sigh, and sling the rifle over your shoulder, "Alright, alright... Look, no more gun", you hold your hands up and open. Your grizzled friend peaks one eye open. Indeed, the gun is away. He continues to shake, but at least the crying has stopped.

It's a start at least.

You take a deep breath. Man oh man... What the hell are you getting yourself into... You gag.

He reeks of blood and sweat. The close quarters of the shed and sulfur from the bullets doesn't help.

You crinkle your nose and cover it with a sleeved forearm. You cough. "Can you walk? If you can behave, you can come in the house", you nod your head towards the door.

No sooner have you made the offer then does the mutated man leap past you and pounce out the door. Holy Shit. Like a bat out of hell...

He sits crouched down on all fours, taking a few breaths to steady himself more then anything else. At last, he's stopped shaking.

You look back at the tiny corner he was pressed against to begin with.

Why the hell would he come in here in the first place if he didn't want to?

You shake your head and walk out into the open air. This Xavier institute must be more fucked then you thought, to push a man as far as this... Forget it. You don't want to think about it anymore.

The big man waits patiently for you. Even squatted down, he's an intimidating presence... You take a steadying breath of your own. If he really wanted to hurt you, he'd have done it by now, and that's that.

You walk up the two back steps and crack open the screen door. Casting a glance to the mutant, he continues to wait for your signal.

"Well, come on", you nod him on again.

At that, he leaps over to you in a single, four legged bound. Thankfully, he gets up on two legs and stays on them once he enters the house.

All you can do is shake the thoughts out of your head. Bizarre.

He waits again for you to fully enter the room. You're in the kitchen now. You gesture to a chair and instruct him to take a seat. You're very damn well not going to put him in your tub... You'll just wash him off with a rag.

You take a quick stop at the sink. From there you retrieve a mop bucket and stick it under the faucet to fill up.

Next stop, the linen closet upstairs. You freeze. Taking a glance over your shoulder, you consider the fact that you're about to leave a perfectly unknown, perfectly dangerous, stranger alone in your house.

"...Stay. Ok?"

He nods vigorously, as though he truly hadn't considered doing anything else. Good enough.

It's hardly a minutes trip anyway.

You're back before he can even miss you. You throw the rag in the bucket and shut off the water. You've brought along a bar of soap to help the water cut down on the stench, and lay it aside.

First things first. You roll up your sleeve and take his wrist. It feels huge in the grip of your hand. You turn his arm this way and that.

Before, you thought you must have been wrong, but... Damn. No cuts. Not a one.

You shift your eyes back up to his, "This isn't your blood", you ask, or maybe accuse, him incredulously.

"I heal fast", is all he has to say.

You sigh and drop his arm, going for the soap and fishing out the rag. Damn mutants... You suppose you have no choice but to go along with it.

And so you start. A lather of soap, then back and forth along the length of his overly hairy arms, all the way up to his shoulders. Most of the focus however, lies on his hands. They're raw and callused and nearly black with built up dirt. Good thing you brought soap, is all you have to say.

You scrub vigorously along his palms and around the shaft of each finger. Slowly but surely, you think you can see skin peaking through the filth.

So focused are you, that the sudden appearance of noise makes you jump.

You stop and shoot a look over the stranger's shoulder, out towards the front door. Sounds like a damn engine... But no one would be out here this la-

Just as quickly as it shocked you, it hits you.

Deep and rumbling and primitive... Like the thunder that rattles the windows of a house. You suppose the fact that your new friend also has the ability to purr shouldn't surprise you as much as it does.

Better then someone coming to visit you at least.

You continue on for a few moments more, eventually satisfied enough to switch to his other hand. He continues to purr and purr, like this is the highlight of his day. But hey, for all you know, it very damn well might be.

"So... You got a name, big guy?"

"...They call me... Sabretooth. But... Victor, I think..."

You huff a laugh, sparing a quick glance at his monstruous fangs, "Sabretooth, huh?"

His purring subsides a little, "I don't like that name", he says firmly.

"Fine, fine. Fair enough", you concede quickly, "Victor it is". Best not to upset him, you figure.

You finish up his other arm in silence, save for the start up of purring once more. Before you call it a night, you stand and drag the wet rag along his face and hair. There's bits of mud splattered on his cheeks, but the real predicament are the sticks and chunks of dirt caught up in his hair.

Ugh... This calls for a brush if you want any hope of sparing him a haircut.

Gently as you can, you tug short strokes outwards from his scalp and watch with satisfaction as the foliage comes out piece by piece. If only he would... Sit. Still.

Victor leans in and brushes against you once again, pushing you off balance again, and mindlessly purring up a storm even louder then before.

You've no idea how he can possibly enjoy this. It looks like this wild, tangled mane of his hasn't seen a comb in days. The hell did they do to him...

"Alright... That's good enough for now", you take a step back and dust off your hands. A ring of grime circles Victor's chair. Just another mess for you to clean later, you sigh. You damn near need a bath yourself after that.

He runs a curious hand through his hair. It hasn't been this clean in longer then he can remember. Although, granted... That's not saying much.

You give him some time to appreciate your work. You check the time. Shit. It's nearly midnight...

"Okay!", you clap your hands to get his attention, "How about... a shirt and place to sleep?"

[esmealux]

Hi there! For the two-part drabble, may I request Deckerstar in situation 13 (someone does something stupid) with sentence 6 ("Do I love you? Yes. Do I like you? That's still up for debate.") Thank you, and I've really really been enjoying your the updates on your Planning a Hell of a Wedding fic!

Hey! It took me two months (including more than one month of writing) but I've now finally finished your prompt. Another anon had requested 25 (being somewhere you're not supposed to) + 6 and dear @my-crazy-awesome-sox had requested 26 (a very cheesy date) + 6, so I've merged all your prompts into one 7K+ long 'drabble'. Hope you don't mind!

And I'm glad you like the updates on PHW! I'll try to write some more now that I've finished this.

Hope you like this!

Also, an immense special thanks to @my-crazy-awesome-sox for helping me with this fic. She truly has been a godsend, and a lot of the wording (especially in the later parts) is kindly and almost directly borrowed from her mind. Thank you again, babe!

Also thanks to @lightbringer-666 for assisting me with some French. If all the French isn't perfect, it's because I also googled my way to a lot of it. Apologies in advance (and please do let me know if there's anything I should change!)

Someone does something stupid + being somehwere you're not supposed to + a very cheesy date + 'Do I love you? Yes. Do I like you? That's still up for debate.'

Rated M. Post 5B - contains spoilers!

Read on AO3 (includes list with English translations)

It’s ridiculous, really. The butterflies fluttering in her stomach like she’s a schoolgirl waiting for her prom date. It’s not even their first date. It’s not even their second. The thing is, between becoming God and Consultant, revising a few laws of the cosmos, fixing some bugs in humanity, bringing Dan to Heaven, and going to therapy, she and Lucifer haven’t had much time for, well, each other. At least not in ways that didn’t involve discussions about the redesign of the afterworld and how to sate world hunger. So yes, she is a little giddy with excitement at the thought of having a whole evening to themselves—no celestial craziness. Just the two of them and a bottle of the restaurant’s finest.

If Lucifer would just show up.

She checks her phone. 06:14. Unlike last time she anxiously waited for him in a restaurant, there’s a text.

Running a bit late. Please forgive me. Can’t wait to see you ❤

And one more.

Sorry. Can’t wait to see you naked*

Chloe shakes her head, a stupid smile spreading across her face. She resists typing back a flirty reply—he’ll be with her in a minute, and she is nota schoolgirl—and puts her phone back in her clutch. Hands trembling a little, she smooths out invisible creases in the dress he’s bought her. It’s short and tight, of course, but perfectly so. Reaching mid-thigh, with a small slit revealing a bit more of her left thigh. Black, unsurprisingly; he still hasn’t gotten over how delectable she looked in the LBD she wore on their last ‘date’. And this one makes her legs look even longer, which is undoubtedly the primary reason Lucifer picked it. Still, it isn’t skimpy. He could have opted for a deep neckline and cold shoulders—she almost expected him to when he said he’d bought her a dress—but he didn’t. Instead, the short and skin-tight skirt is perfectly balanced with a high neck and long bell sleeves that are cut open just above her joints, making the soft fabric flow around her bare underarms. She likes it—would probably have bought it herself if it weren’t crazy expensive. Likes how it makes her feel both sexy and classy and most of all comfortable, likes that he knows her so well.

She fidgets with her earring and traces the rim of her empty wine glass with her fingertip, watching people as much as she can from their semi-private corner. She spots an Oscar-winning film director, a retired NFL player, that pop star Lucifer pretends to hate, and just how expensive isthis place?

She’s immediately distracted by the shift in the air and the sound of Italian loafers approaching her.

‘My me, Detective!’

His brown eyes roam her figure as she stands to kiss him. Their lips meet in a soft peck that could easily have turned into more if Lucifer hadn’t pulled away to look her up and down.

‘You look like a goddess.’

Chloe snorts and chuckles, not yet used to the title he insists is hers if she’ll have it. She puts a hand on his chest, gazing up at him with a smile.

‘You don’t look too bad yourself.’

He hums and leans in for another kiss, but something comes between them this time. They both look down—at a dozen red roses.

‘Those for me?’ she asks, warmth spreading in her chest.

Lucifer hands her the bouquet with a nod and that soft smile she loves more than anything. He pulls out her chair, a gentle hand on her shoulder as she sits down, and sits down himself.

There’s a card nestled between the velvet petals: ‘For the Detective & Consultant’, her old and new moniker scribbled side by side in his annoyingly elegant handwriting. The latter nickname, however, is written in smaller, cramped letters—an afterthought. She smiles.

She turns the card, expecting to find a dirty, eye-roll-deserving comment on the back. But there’s no lewd joke or naughty promise.

It simply says, ‘I love you.’

Her heart swells, filling her chest till it aches. It’s all so new still. Not the love between them, but how it’s uninhibited now. It’s not like they don’t have their obstacles—just yesterday they had a fight—but there’s no doubt anymore, no voices telling them some dreams simply cannot be. They might have a whole universe to deal with, but for the first time ever, things between them are easy. No words are left unsaid. No feelings are squashed. No time is wasted. Every day is spent wrapped in each other’s love. Finally.

‘I love you too,’ she tells him, and he lights up, amazed. Confident. Their hands find each other on the table, fingers intertwining.

A waiter comes by with two menu cards and a vase for the flowers. Chloe reads through the menu carefully, pretending to know what kind of food hides behind the fancy French names. Lucifer sees right through her, sighs, and orders some hors d’œuvres, two of something she couldn’t pronounce if she tried, and a bottle of red.

‘So, were you stuck in traffic, or…?’ Chloe asks him with a glint in her eye as the waiter pours her a generous glass of wine. The celestial being with the supernatural metabolism can drive home.

The being in question looks confused for a moment before he answers, ‘Ah, no. I’m sorry I kept you waiting.’ For a brief second, he looks at her as if he’s apologising for more than tonight, but she strokes his knuckles and smiles at him, you’re here now, and he moves on to explain himself. ‘I just couldn’t find this bloody suit. Only when I’d ransacked the house did I realise it was still at the penthouse, so I had to make a detour.’

He is a little excused; so many things are impossible to find right now, with more or less unpacked boxes spread out between her apartment, Lux, and their new home. In hindsight, moving in together while taking over the almighty family business probably wasn’t the best idea, but they’ll get settled soon enough. Besides, right now, what’s important is that Lucifer was late because of a wardrobe crisis, and she will not let that slide.

‘You couldn’t just wear one of your three hundred other suits?’

A flicker of hurt and sheepishness flashes across Lucifer’s face.

‘Well, this one is special.’

Chloe takes in his suit: the navy jacket, the matching waistcoat, the royal blue shirt.

‘Oh.’

He smirks at her as heat creeps up her cheeks (so much for not being a schoolgirl).

‘You remember?’

She does. Of course, she does. She remembers vividly—how shocked he’d been at first, how new and soft his lips had felt against hers. How they’d held onto each other until the sun was setting and she really did have to go home and feed Maze and Trixie.

She also remembers how she, later, behind closed lids, had ripped off the shirt and waistcoat in desperate need. How it’d earned her a husky chuckle and a breathy ‘D’tective!’, and the sinful Heaven that was his hot and open mouth.

‘You okay, darling?’ Lucifer looks at her, his expression somewhere between concerned and amused. His thumb brushes the back of her hand.

Chloe takes a sip of wine and clears her throat. Adjusts her necklace.

‘Yeah, just, you know. Reminiscing.’

He studies her flushed face for a second before his curious smile spreads into a full-blown Cheshire grin.

‘You had a wet dream about me, didn’t you?! After our first kiss?’

Chloe glares at him. ‘Say it a little louder for the people in the back, will ya?’ He opens his mouth, and she immediately feels the need to clarify, ‘Do not say it a little louder for the people in the back.’

His smile doesn’t falter. ‘I’m just ecstatic to know our first kiss left you all hot and bothered. I mean, not that I’m surprised.’ He brings his wine glass to his lips and lets go of her hand to gesture down himself.

Chloe rolls her eyes. ‘Yeah, like you didn’t go home and wanked yourself blind that night.’

He laughs, surprised by her bluntness, and shamelessly answers, ‘Why, of course I did. That night, other nights. Before and after that kiss. This morning. You serve as quite the spank bank, my dear.’

She definitely doesn’t blush at that. But she does glance down at his waistcoat, at the soft skin and hard muscles she knows hide beneath it. She gives him a slow and dirty smirk, appreciative.

‘You too, baby.’

Lucifer raises an eyebrow, his eyes darkening. Much to Chloe’s satisfaction, his neck and cheeks redden a little. Then he gives her a lopsided grin, smug and impressed.

‘Pray tell, Detective.’ His eyes glide down her face, her chest, her stomach, and slowly back up again.

In another time, she would have given him a stern look and told him it was none of his business, but she doesn’t. She also doesn’t tell him about lonely nights and long showers and crying his name into her pillow when they were still just friends. Instead, she leans across the table and half-whispers—

‘If you behave yourself tonight, I might show you.’

He gulps. Squirms a little in his seat, and—when he’s regained his composure and quite indiscreetly adjusted himself under the table—leans forward till there’s only mere inches between their faces.

‘Is that a promise?’ His voice is low and husky, his breath hot against her face. His eyes drop to her lips.

‘Pardon, monsieur, mais l’entrée est prête.’

They lean back in their seats and turn to the poor, young waiter, who’s balancing two seemingly heavy plates, a carafe of water, and a basket of crusty bread in his arms.

‘Lovely!’ Lucifer’s eyes follow the food as the waiter puts it down in front of them. ‘Merci beaucoup, Olivier.’

Olivier smiles at Lucifer, shy but with a look in his eyes Chloe knows all too well. She doesn’t blame him.

‘Ça va?’ Lucifer asks, his voice lined with genuine fondness.

Olivier nods. ‘Oui, ça va. Et toi?’

Lucifer looks to Chloe, beaming. He takes her hand on the table and interlocks their fingers again.

‘Tout va très bien,’ he answers, looking back up at Olivier with a dazzling smile.

Olivier’s eyes drop to their hands and, probably, to the ring, white and pearlescent, on Chloe’s third finger. His lips tug up at the corner.

‘Je peux voir ça. Félicitations!’ Before Lucifer can respond to that, whatever it means, Olivier gestures towards their food. ‘Et bon appétit.’

Lucifer replies with a friendly ‘merci’ and calls out something like ‘Salue ton père de ma part!’ as Olivier walks off.

Chloe stares at Lucifer, twirling the smashed bullet around her neck between her fingers.

‘What?’ he asks, curious.

She tilts her head, smiling. ‘French suits you.’

He smiles back, lasciviously. ‘Yeah?’

‘Mm-hm.’

The look he gives her leaves no doubt that, sooner or later, he’ll be whispering foreign phrases against her skin.

But right now, they have other appetites to sate. They dig into the first course, and the (assumedly) insanely high prices suddenly make sense, because it is frigging good. The main course is even more delicious—divine, actually, to the point where Chloe has to ask Lucifer if he accidentally spiked the food with a blessing or two. He assures her it’s all Olivier’s father, no holiness involved, apart from Chef Beaumont’s heavenly cœeur de filet de bœuf. Chloe moans in agreement, savouring every bite.

He watches her with a smile, jokingly apologising for not serving her grilled cheese, and she makes a bad joke about this date being cheesy enough as it is. Because it is cheesy. Him buying her a dress, bringing her red roses, the love note, the candlelit restaurant, the French food, not to mention the suit. It’s like a rom-com parody.

But it’s also perfect. It’s everything she’s longed for, an over-the-top romantic date night with her- with her partner. A date that isn’t cut short by a horny stewardess (may she rest in peace) or a failed attempt at exorcism; where Lucifer actually shows up and isn’t just trying to outdo another man; where Chloe isn’t trying to make him ‘do something good for a change’; and their parents aren’t tagging along on a headache-inducing surprise double date that is also a sting in disguise.

So, in some ways, it is kinda their first date.

And it’s a really, really nice date.

They laugh—they laugh so much. More than they’ve done in the past few months combined. Or so it feels, at least.

They laugh, and they talk. About movies they cried to, favourite drinks, and how they’re gonna paint the living room. About the summers spent under the plum tree in Nana’s garden, and all the pranks pulled in the gilded meadows of Heaven. About chasing Amenadiel through the clouds, and how Chloe always wanted a sibling. About her short-lived Hollywood experience and that one time she may have gotten a little high at a Backstreet Boys concert. (He seems impressed by that, her ‘abhorrent’ taste in music aside.) They exchange secrets they never told anyone, stories of bad kisses—Jed used too much tongue; Will was always better with words—and tales from drunken nights out. They reminisce on the first time they met—how annoying she’d found him, how compelling he’d found her—and the many, many cases, some really weird, that first encounter led to.

They talk about Dan.

About missing him, even though he’s making waffles with Charlotte now.

About Trixie, and how therapy seems to be helping her, too. How she still sometimes breaks down crying, but no longer crawls into their bed in the middle of the night, shaking and gasping for air. How she’d laughed the other day, and it’d made them both cry. How incredibly strong she is, that little urchin.

They talk about going to Paris one day, all three of them—the French do make excellent chocolate cakes—or maybe somewhere else she wants to see, once everything is calmer. They talk about some of the prayers Lucifer has been hearing, about faith and free will, what they miss about solving crimes together, what they don’t miss, and how they’re still very much partners, even more so now—in every corner of life.

They talk till their cheeks hurt from smiling and Chloe’s half-drunk on expensive Burgundy. Lucifer asks for the cheque, their food long gone, and pays with cash, making sure to leave a tip possibly the size of Olivier’s monthly salary.

They leave the restaurant giggling about a stupid joke Lucifer makes, his hand splayed out on the small of her back. Her own hand is placed much lower than what is decent for such a fancy place like this, practically cupping his ass, but she’s tipsy enough not to care, and he doesn’t seem to mind the attention. It’s his own fault, anyway, for having his pants tailored to hug his butt like this.

Naturally, Lucifer drives. He doesn’t hold back his comments on how slow and boring her car is, but at least he stays somewhere close to the speed limit. She wishes he’d also wear a seatbelt, and keep both hands on the wheel, but his palm is nice and warm on her thigh, and she trusts he’ll get them home safely. She leans back in her seat, her head comfortably buzzing from wine and him, and watches the blurry city lights through the window. He’s turned down 2ndStreet.

‘Where are we going?’ She looks over at him, curious.

He smiles in the shadows, his fingers stroking the skin left exposed by the slit in her dress. His touch leaves hot, tingling paths on her thigh.

‘I thought we’d go for a second desert.’

Chloe is beyond full, her dress stretched over her now slightly rounder belly, and she can think of other things she’d rather do (things that include pinning Lucifer to their bed and making him groan and beg and laugh), but she’ll never say no to a freshly brewed latte and watching Lucifer obscenely enjoy some Sicilian pastry.

She turns up the radio, fumbling a bit, and closes her eyes with a smile, more content than she’s been in… a long time. His hand stays on her thigh as they move through the night, fingers tapping to the beat of the songs against her skin, creeping higher, teasing, just enough to make her breath hitch, but nothing more, and then back down again. Maybe they’ll just take that latte to-go.

The car comes to a final halt, and first then does Chloe realise they haven’t stopped outside the late-night café and bakery that’s opened down on Spring Street.

‘Lucifer, what’—she looks around, double-checking—‘what are we doing at the back entrance to the precinct? You said we were getting desert.’

He leans across the centre console, fingers spreading on her thigh, and brings their faces so close their noses touch. Chloe swallows.

‘We are,’ he assures her with a wolfish grin, his gaze lingering hungrily on her, and she could jump him right then and there. But he takes his hand off her body and clicks her seatbelt free, pulls the key out of the ignition and exits the car. He strides to her side and opens the door for her, gentlemanly as ever, and she watches him with narrowed eyes as she takes his hand and steps out, sceptical even in her cloud of lust and inebriation.

He heads directly for the back entrance and opens the black iron door with ease, rudely ignoring the state-of-the-art security locks. A part of her knows she should stop him right there and give him a stern talking-to about respecting human laws—he still can’t do whatever the hell he likes just because he’s God now. But another part, the part of her who helped him empty two bottles of French wine, really wants to step over that threshold, to intertwine their fingers and go on a late-night adventure. And that part of her must overpower the other, because she lets him snake his arm around her waist and lead her through the door and inside the familiar building.

She senses him grinning by her side, his fingers curling around her hip in a deliciously tight grip that only stokes the heat pooling low in her belly. He takes her down the corridor, around the corner, and then they’re there, in the middle of the precinct. Everything is covered in darkness, the wide, open space only illuminated by a never-resting info screen and the purplish glow from the vending machine. Still, she can make out the shape of their desk, the door to Ella’s lab, the interrogation room. The fridge in the breakroom still hums obnoxiously, and the air smells like strong coffee and sugary glaze—or maybe that’s just a phantom. Either way, it all tugs at her heart, beckons her down memory lane, and she lets herself be pulled. Through the good, the bad, and the crazy.

Lucifer is quiet beside her, probably lost in nostalgia himself, or maybe just letting her have this moment. But not for long. With titillating eagerness and a devilish smirk, he wraps his fingers around her wrist and pulls her by the hand—towards the evidence closet.

He presses her up against the door, his body hot and hard against hers, and pins her hand against the cold glass of the frosted window. His dark eyes sparkle with mischievous excitement.

‘There’s something we never got to try.’

Her pulse quickens, blood humming loud and hot.

‘Lucifer, we can’t.’ She tries to sound firm around her suddenly heavy breaths and dry throat, but he doesn’t seem discouraged in the least.

He leans in, closer, his smirking lips brush against her ear. ‘Can’t we, now?’

And as if he hadn’t done enough already, he takes her earlobe between his teeth and bites it.

Chloe smothers a gasp.

‘We shouldn’t.’ She puts her hand on his chest and pushes her head against his, nudging him away from her neck so she can thinkfor a second. He reluctantly obeys and settles for placing his hands on her sides, dangerously high, thumbs almost stroking the underside of her breasts. She pushes his hands down to her waist. ‘We shouldn’t have sex in Evidence—shouldn’t have broken into the precinct in the first place. I mean, do you want us to get arrested?’

He only laughs at that, of course. ‘I’m God, darling. I won’t get arrested.’

Chloe rolls her eyes. He would probably charm his way out of it if they were caught, God or not—but that doesn’t make any of this okay. She’s about to tell him as much when he adds-

‘But if you wanted to cuff me and tell me what to do, resisting would be the last thing on my mind. In fact, I’m sure we can find some cuffs lying about-’

‘Lucifer, no.’

Her tone is sharper than she’d intended. He pulls back a little, studying her face. His eyes flicker to her parted lips, her flushed, heaving chest, and then back to her determined gaze. His brows furrow.

‘Do you really not want to do this?’ His voice is soft, serious.

They stare at each other, hot breaths mingling. He’s still pressed up against her, a six-foot-three wall of muscle and love, and his scent—spicy cologne and smoke—floods her head like ambrosia, a dizzying fog of him. Her skin burns beneath his palms, his touch sending embers through the expensive fabric and down, flames licking at her inner thighs. Her heartbeat thumps in her ears.

‘We don’t even work here anymore,’ she rasps, deflecting his question. It’s a weak excuse, but she is fraying at the edges.

A salacious smile forms on Lucifer’s face. ‘We’ll just pretend we do.’

He takes a step back, putting a more ‘professional’ distance between them, adjusts his lapels and attempts at a neutral expression. ‘You wanted to show me something in Evidence, Detective?’

And there’s that word again, want—because she still hasn’t answered his question and her consent means more to him than anything. She loves him for that, she really does, but right now, it’s not that simple. She wants, every cell in her body wants, wants him to shove her into that closet and take her apart. Has wanted it for so long, thought about it for years—at her desk, in the shower, while sitting next to him during interrogations. Thought about it in the self-same evidence closet, as she was pressed up against the wall by someone else. Imagined tugging at his hair, feeling him between her legs—even had to swallow his name. She still thinks about it, thought about it the other night, briefly, wistfully, while making a cup of tea. Thought about how much fun they could have had, sneaking off to secret corners of the precinct like two horny teenagers—if it hadn’t been for, well, mostly Michael, and all the chaos he’d released upon their lives.

In fact, it’s only fair they have at least one reckless, semi-public rendezvous. Just one. To make up for the honeymoon phase they never really had. With all the hurt and heartbreak they’ve had to go through, alone and together, they deserve to have one night of stupid fun.

On the other hand, and this is why it’s not that simple, it’s a bad idea. It’s a really bad idea. And also, pretty illegal. If she asked him to, if she said no now, he would take her home and push her up against the nearest surface, bury himself in her faster than any of them could get their clothes off, bring her to ecstasy-

But it’s not the same. It just isn’t.

With as much innocence she can muster, she looks up at his anticipatory face and puts her hand on the doorknob. The cold steel is a soothing balm against her burning skin.

‘I do want to show you something in Evidence.’

He lights up like it’s a declaration of love, all unrestrained enthusiasm.

‘After you, darling.’

Their lips crash against each other before the door is even closed. He pushes her backwards in the semi-darkness, between shelves and boxes, hands low on her hips. His fingers dig softly into her ass as they stumble towards a sliver of wall together, panting and laughing against each other’s mouths. He doesn’t break contact with her lips as he quickly sheds his jacket on the way and throws it over his shoulder, for the moment uncaring of dirt and creases. Then her back hits the wall with a thunk and she’s instantly struck by déjà vu, until Lucifer grabs her thigh inside the slit of her dress, and the unwelcome memory quickly evaporates in the heat of their clashing bodies as he wraps her bare leg around his waist and pins her to the wall with the hard press of his hips. Their unison groans fill the cramped space.

‘We shouldn’t be here,’ she murmurs breathlessly against his lips before opening her mouth to let his tongue back in. He tastes like wine and crème brûlée.

He hums in disagreement. ‘We should always be here, Detective.’ With the hand still on her ass, he pushes their bodies impossibly closer together and rocks against her. She moans, despite herself.

‘We- I-‘ Chloe stammers, leaning her head back as he kisses his way down her neck, her mind and body pulling in different directions. ‘This is- why am I letting you get away with this?’

She feels him smirk against her throat. His hand slowly glides up her inner thigh—her pulse quickening with every inch—until his thumb brushes past damp fabric.

‘Because you like me.’ His beard rasps against her hot skin in the crook of her neck, a contrast to his soft lips placing slow, open-mouthed kisses from her jaw to her collar. ‘Because you love me.’

Chloe scoffs.

‘Do I love you?’ she questions, her breathing erratic, her eyes turned to the ceiling as he sucks a mark onto her neck. With the hand that is still between her legs, he pushes her underwear to the side and rubs against her, nice and slow. ‘Yes.’ Her gasped answer has a proud, almost victorious chuckle rumbling from his chest.

‘But do I like you?’—she bites her lip and stifles another moan as his fingers press just right—‘That’s still up for debate.’

He breaks off the assault on her neck and looks up at her, eyes black with desire.

‘Allow me to try and tip the scales, then.’

She’s bereaved of his fingers as his hand moves to the edge of her underwear, pulling it down as he sinks to his knees. She almost stumbles when he slips it over her feet, but he grabs her leg, steadying her, and helps her out of her stilettos. Once she’s barefoot, his warm palms slide up the side of her legs, pushes the hem of her dress up a few inches, and then his mouth is on her.

He licks her, slowly, tenderly. She reaches down to pull at his hair, commanding him to give her more, to take more, and he does. He starts feasting on her, all tongue and lips and-

‘God, yes.’

He chuckles smugly into her core. ‘I do love it when you moan my name, darling.’ Eyes fixed on hers, he gives her a nice, long lick before he dives back in. He kisses her clit, sucks it, circles it, laps at her like he can’t get enough, and she’s reduced to a quivering, whimpering mess. She bucks against his face, needing more, and he does that thing that she likes, tongue flicking her clit, warm and wet, as he pushes a finger inside her.

Her eyes clench shut, her head falls back against the wall. She doesn’t bother holding back her groan this time.

Lucifer hums against her, low and greedy, taking as much as he can, before he pulls away with ragged breaths. ‘Ma déesse, que tu as bon gout.’

The meaning is forever lost on her, but his hungry tone, the way his tongue wraps smoothly around the French syllables, the words dripping like sin from his glistening lips, sends warm shivers down her spine.

He slows down his pace inside her, places kisses on her lower belly, seeks her ticklish spots and the ones that make her breath hitch, and then trails down to her hips, studying her sharp bone with his lips and his teeth, before moving down to her thigh, stubble prickling her tender skin. As if he’s got all the time in the world, he lets his mouth travel to the insides of her legs, already spread for him, and kisses a path up her inner thighs, getting closer and closer to where she aches with need,but never quite there. His finger, still moving slowly—too slowly—curls a bit, reaches that spot deep inside her that usually makes her see stars, but he pulls back before she’s even done gasping.

‘Lucifer,’ she breathes, a threat and a plea.

He places one last kiss to her sensitive thigh, nuzzles his nose against her heat, before his tongue finally finds her clit again and his finger starts pumping inside her, fast and hard. Then faster, harder, and, fuck, deeper.

‘Baby,’ she begs him to continue, fire spreading through her body, from her curling toes to her already heated cheeks.

He slows down for a second, and she reaches down to scratch at his scalp in frustration but quickly forgives him when he adds another finger and resumes his perfect pace, thrusting up in her to the beat of her racing heart.

‘Je veux te faire jouir.’ His thumb replaces his tongue as he looks up at her, eyes sparkling with lust and determination, but also patience. Like he could do this for hours, the whole night, as long as she falls apart around his tongue and fingers in the end.

He doesn’t need all night, though. She’s close, so close, can feel the beginning of that blissful high burning in her lower belly, between her thighs, where his mouth licks and nibbles and sucks. A building warmth pumping through her veins. She grabs at his hair, wraps her leg around his shoulder and pushes his face closer into her heat, needing that last-

‘Fuck, right there,’ she gasps. Right there right there right there.

He smirks against her, always eager to please, and does as she says. As she’s teetering on the edge, he curls both fingers inside her, goes impossibly deeper, and reaches the same spot as before, except this time, he doesn’t stop, and she comes with a shudder and a gasped ‘fuck!’ as he licks her through it.

‘Tu es tellement belle, ma chérie,’ he tells her, voice soft with awe as she comes down from her high and opens her eyes. She understands enough of the words to smile down at him, at his dishevelled hair, his swollen lips, and warm, chocolatey eyes.

‘You too, baby.’

She still hasn’t caught her breath when he, after wiping his mouth on her thigh, slowly rises from his feet and starts making his way up her body. His fingers skate lightly up her dress, his knuckles brushing against her rising and falling ribs as his hands sneak higher and higher, closer and closer. With a feather-light touch, he starts tracing the curves of her breasts, deliberately avoiding her aching nipples. He teases her with his fingers, kisses her neck, lips trailing, hot and slow, up to her jaw and the sensitive spot behind her earlobe.

‘J’ai envie de toi,’ he says into her ear, his voice rough with want and determination.

Chloe can’t take it anymore. She fists his waistcoast in one hand and grabs him by the hair with the other to pull him up into a hard kiss. He tries to stay in control, to hold back his obvious desire for just a little longer, but he quickly loses the battle and lets a bit of hunger take over. They pour equal heat into the kiss, tongues pressing and teeth clashing as their mouths slide against each other. She threads her fingers through his curls, he bites her lip, and they both groan and gasp into the kiss.

Chloe’s the one to pull away, needing air sooner than him. They’re looking into each other’s eyes, both panting, when he says it again, ‘J’ai envie de toi.’ This time, breathy desperation shines through his voice. ‘Je veux être en toi.’

And then they’re kissing again and both of them are working at his belt and pants in a flurry of hands until he’s finally inside her with one quick thrust. He fills her to the hilt, deliciously stretching her inner muscles, warm and hard. For a moment, they’re both so overcome they can only pause and breathe, Lucifer’s forehead cradled in the crook of her shoulder as her hand gently strokes the short hairs on the back of his neck.

He pulls back to look deeply into her eyes, and starts off slow. Not teasing, just tender. He kisses her cheeks and neck, every inch of skin he can reach with his lips, and whispers sweet nothings against her skin. She can’t know for sure, of course, because it’s still in French, and she doesn’t catch all of it, the sounds alien and muffled—‘t’es incroyable’, she hears, ‘j’suis fou amoureux de toi’—but something about his tone tells her it’s not as dirty as whatever he was saying before. Still, it makes her just as wet, the words tingling across her skin.

He picks up the pace, wraps her legs tighter around him, and pushes her harder against the wall. His hand grasps her breast roughly, seeking purchase, then rhythmically strokes over her nipple in apology, and she moans her relief. The shelves on either side of them hit the wall with a consistent thump, thump, thump as he thrusts up into her, fucks her, their harsh pants mingling in the small space between their parted lips. Chloe claws at Lucifer’s shoulders and back, hands scrambling for something to hold onto. Even through the two layers of fabric, she can feel his warmth and muscles, and a sudden urge bubbles up within her. With desperate fingers, she starts undoing the buttons on his shirt, but it takes too long—she needs him—so she rips open both shirt and waistcoat and frantically pushes them off his shoulders. He pins her against the wall with a hard thrust, letting go of her thigh and breast to shake the material onto the floor, and Chloe scratches at his finally bare back and shoulders, nails digging into slick, freckled flesh. She arches back into the wall and bares her neck for him to nip and kiss.

‘Fuck, Lucifer!’ she whines. ‘Oh, God, baby, fuckyes!’

He growls at the sound of her noises and bites her ear.

‘J’adore baiser avec toi.’ One hand slides down to her ass, holding her and pushing her dress higher up as the other bites into the now bare skin at her waist. The sharp touch sends a jolt down to her throbbing clit, making her clench tighter around him. ‘J’adore ton corps. T’es vraiment une déesse.’ The last word is a groan against her lips as he kisses her.

It’s wet, messy, and so delicious they both grasp tightly onto each other’s mouths with lips, tongues and teeth, neither of them wanting to ever let go.

‘Je veux t’embrasser,’ Lucifer pants when they break apart for a second, his gaze fixed on her mouth as their lungs fight for air. His dark eyes soften when they look into hers. ‘Chaque jour de ma vie,’ he adds reverently as he leans in. ‘Pour toujours.’ And then he kisses her again, like he wants it to last for all eternity.

His thrusts turn slower and deeper as they kiss, harder, until kissing becomes panting into each other’s mouths and Chloe’s head falls back in sheer pleasure. He tightens his grip on her ass and runs the hand on her waist up her side, brushing his thumb over her nipple as he passes her breast, up her neck, and cups the side of her face. She lets their eyes meet, and the way he’s looking at her, with absolute awe and gratitude, makes her heart flutter and her hips buck against his bare stomach. Her hands slide from where they’ve been clutching his mess of a hair to his back, trailing down to where he’s most sensitive. She places her palms on either side of his spine and presses lightly, carefully.

‘Tu me-’ he cuts off with a gasp when her nails skim over his hidden wings, ‘Tu me rends- fucking hell, Chloe.’

She keens at the guttural sound of her name. He leans his forehead against hers with a grunt, the slight change in angle making his rhythm falter, one hand slamming against the wall next to her. She watches the rest of his control slip through glazed eyes. She did this to him. She rendered God himself lost to his own bliss. That knowledge itself is nearly enough to push her over the edge.

‘Close,’ she breathes.

He grabs both her thighs with strong hands and presses her flush up against the wall, going impossibly deeper inside her. She hisses through her teeth and sputters all kinds of incoherent, unholy prayers into the sweltering air between them. Every hard thrust pushes her closer to ecstasy.

‘You make me so happy,’ Lucifer whispers, sounding so wrecked and raw her eyes clench shut. ‘I want- I hope- fuck- I hope I make you, nnf, just as happy.’

‘You do, baby. You make me so- so-’

Heat floods her veins as she comes, the sweet tension snapping all at once. She cries out, arches her back, and moans long and low as he continues to fuck her through it. His thrusts are quick and inelegant, his arms and thighs trembling, and she knows he’s close. She intentionally clenches around him, whispers his name, and then he too is tumbling over the edge, the only type of falling she ever wants him to feel again.

They smile at each other as they try to catch their breaths, sweaty foreheads still pressed together.

‘I love you,’ he says. ‘So much.’

She hums with happiness, her heart pleasantly aching at the sound of the words he couldn’t say the last time they were here.

‘I love you too, babe.’ She reaches up to lazily nuzzle the hairs at the nape of his neck, still smiling.

‘Maybe you even like me?’

She lets out a breathy chuckle and slides down the wall to land on her bare feet. Her legs are… wobbly, to say the least. Lucifer smirks at her.

‘We’ll see about that.’ She smoothes out her dress as he tucks himself back into his pants and fastens his belt. ‘If anyone ever finds out about this, your chances are pretty bad, buddy.’

She collects his clothes from the floor and helps him into his shirt. Two buttons are missing, lost to the force of her hasty ripping. It gives her an odd sense of satisfaction, the fact that the shirt he wore when they first kissed—the shirt she dreamt of tearing off his body—now is marked by their little escapade. (At least until he gets his tailor to fix it.)

‘Well, I’ll just have to keep trying to convince you then, won’t I?’ He licks his lips and lifts his eyebrows as he offers her a hand to help her up from the floor once she’s put her shoes back on. Chloe bites her cheek so as to not smile at his suggestion and intertwines their fingers.

‘You can start by helping me assemble that new shelf system tomorrow,’ she tells him, waiting for him to groan in response, or mumble something about hiring some people to do it for them. But he doesn’t. He just opens the door for her and lets her go first with a soft smile on his still flushed face.

‘Anything for you, my love.’

The door shuts with a gentle click behind them.

[f1-disaster-bi]

While I love reading your fics, I actually enjoy seeing and going through your ideas on here even more. So…to keep up the tradition of sending you ideas for wips: Dan is often portrait as the fun, goofy, self confident guy which I think is only one side of the medal. What if he struggles (or did so in the past) with his sexuality and career? #partyau

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my writing and my ramblings! I do love that you amazing anons give me so many ideas, and you guys have a huge hand in helping build my au's <3

I can absolutely see that happening in this au!

Daniel as Lando and the world knows him is this big personality. He's funny and goofy. He always has a smile and a joke. He's serious when he needs to be and stands up for people and against the FIA when they're acting like assholes

Only Michael and Max have seen Daniel at his worst at different times.

Daniel being young and in F1. He's gotten a good drive, and its around that time that maybe he realises that he is bi. It freaks him out. He feels he's a little old to be having a sexuality crisis, and he feels he can't talk to anyone because he's surround by what he thinks are manly men. So he's scared, and trying to deny it. He's dating every beautiful girl he can and ignoring the big fat crush he has on Jenson, and how it makes him feel when a guy approaches him to dance at the club. It doesn't help that Marko constantly makes comments as Sebastian for being too 'gay' with other drivers and constantly criticising their every move and losing it when they act in a way he deems straight

Luckily, Daniel has some great friends in Jenson and Seb and Michael who help him through it and make him see that he is perfect the way he is

Max is around for his second major crisis and thats with his career. It's hard on them as friends because Max feels as if he is blame for Daniel breaking down and moving teams, despite Daniel telling him it's him. That he's a failure and always has been, it takes a lot to get Daniel to realise he needs professional help during that first year at Renault but by the end of the year, he's in therapy and learning how to build up his self-worth and confidence in his drive once again

[aftgficrec]

Dragon/Magical/mythical AU pretty please 🥺

There are just so many aus with magic, mythical creatures and fantasy out there! We’ve put a small collection together here, and you can find more in our previous recs as well as under our fantasy tag (see below). The fantasy tag is under AUs. - S

Also see...

supernatural compilation here (see top of post for further recs)

fantasy aus (with dragons!) here

HTTYD/Dragon!Andrew aus here

new/fave fantasy fics here

fave fantasy fics here

Neil as a fantasy creature here

andreil shapeshifters/soulmates/omegaverse here

long fae/magic aus here

magic/urban fantasy aus here

Neil with wings and lots of magic here

werewolf!Andrew here

fairy tale aus here

staff recs may 21 - mermay here

Greek mythology aus here

‘Spun Like Gold’ here

‘On Dragon's Wings (Under the Blue)’ here

‘Imp’ here

Of Smoke & Bone by wishbonetea [Rated M, 23905 words, incomplete, last updated Sept 21]

In general, Neil Josten managed to keep his two lives in balance. On the one hand, he was a nineteen year old art student in Prague with a part-time job in a mostly-normal coffee shop. On the other, he, Allison, and Renee worked for an inhuman creature, running errands in exchange for wishes. For the most part, these two lives rarely intersect. But it's fair to say that the Foxes bring their own brand of trouble, and Neil's two lives soon start to collide.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: recreational drug use

little ghost by redskiesandsailboats [Rated G, 5224 words, complete, 2021]

Everything comes with a price.

He should have known.

All of them should have.

But that’s the thing about hope.

Sometimes, if you let it grow past a spark, it’s so bright that it’s blinding.

Or: the one in which there is a quest with dubious guidelines, a ghost with an aversion to names, and a hero who never asked for any of this, but he keeps his promises anyways.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder

Our Liminal Souls by glowingbee [Rated E, 27352 words, incomplete, last updated July 21]

Neil Josten doesn't believe in Gods, ghosts, nor destiny. If there is anything he has come to believe from years of out running certain death is that, firstly, not even a perfect utopia can protect everyone and second that everyone dies alone. A born wizard with a need for adrenaline, Neil knows he can only protect himself by learning combat, languages, and magic by participating in academic tournaments that are intense physical, magical, and psychological tests that honor their lineages of magic and otherworldly-given powers.

A lapse in Neil's plans securing his passage to his next hideaway has him dumped onto the world-stage of collegiate magic tournaments after being contracted to a high-profile A1 tournament court shadowed by recent suspicious deaths and a secretive court. Neil runs the risk of his secrets finding him before he can even begin to make sense of his invisible ties to his new teammates' own pasts and deciphering strange dreams that haunt him of mother's last moments.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: blood

From The Ashes by tigerrlilyy [Not Rated, 4482 words, incomplete, last updated May 21]

After spending his entire life on the run, the death of Neil's mother throws him into a world where he's being hunted by dragons and a lot of people are wanting to see his blood spilled.

That is until he's whisked away to a special school for people just like him where he meets the beautiful asshole Andrew Minyard who seems to have a burning hatred for his existence the minute he steps foot in the school.

To top it all off? Andrew's a dragon. A dragon who wants him dead.

tw: violence, tw: minor character death, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Fang and Stake by darkbluebox [Rated T, 2658 words, complete, 2020]

For most hunters, it would have been a wet dream: his quarry beaten, bleeding, trapped and prone before him. He might as well have been holding a stake on a silver platter. If it had been any other vampire in the world, Andrew wouldn’t have hesitated to drive the splintering chunk of wood through his chest and be done with it.

Unfortunately, Neil wasn’t any other vampire.

tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced abuse

you hit me like a vision by paleromantic [Rated G, 2181 words, complete, 2019]

Andrew opened his mouth, closed it again. “Uh, who the fuck are you?”

The man blinked, and underneath him in the water Andrew swore that he saw something moving, a quick swish under the water every once in a while. He had auburn hair like red that had cooled in the pale spring sunshine to a duller brown, and when the sun caught it it turned to copper. “You can call me Neil if you’d like, I live around here.”

BITE by poetatertot [Rated M, 23338 words, incomplete, last updated Sept. 2019]

Nathaniel was terrified. A hulking mass, all bristling fur and slavering jaws, stood and stared back at him. It was greater than any man—greater than any raven-shifter he’d ever seen. It was massive.

“Fox,” he breathed.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced abuse

A Midsummer Night's Fib by NachtGraves [Rated G, 3620 words, complete, Andreil Week 2018]

Neil doesn’t know why he did it but Nicky wasn’t going to quit and Allison had her phone out with that plotting gleam in her eyes and Dan and Matt were looking at him in certain ways and he just blurt it out: “I’m going with Andrew.”

Ouroboros by ANEMONEXVI [Rated M, 34420 words, incomplete, last updated Nov 2018]

“I don’t have any desire to be part of a group of rebels who aid townspeople and give warmongering nations the metaphorical finger,” Neil stoked his words with distain, hoping to discourage the group into the short version of the conversation he knew they were trying to have.

...

With no time to grieve the violent death of his mother, Neil finds himself alone in an unforgiving land with a heavy target on his back. In his aimlessness he encounters a group of roguish crusaders, The Foxes. A team of misfits who attempt to work together to bring peace to nations or peoples in crisis. And they want to recruit Neil for his rumored illusory magic.

But Neil's magical lineage doesn't speak of subtlety and he can't afford to catch any unwanted attention.

A roughshod fantasy/magic/government intrigue/familial drama/torture/mental and physical healing/aliens/ saga

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: cannibalism, tw: blood/gore

what light tastes like by knoxxed (badmatch) [Rated T, 6516 words, complete, Aftg Exchange 2017]

Los Angeles is Jeremy Knox’s frown of concern whenever Jean pushes himself to the point of strain, the delighted grin when Jean surprises him. It’s cat fur being one more reason to stop wearing black.

Los Angeles is Jean never once being asked to confirm or deny who or what he is.

Los Angeles takes some getting used to.

(urban fantasy AU)

A Natural History of Dragons JereJean AU by @rhododendronbeware [tumblr, 2020]

- Jean Moreau only ever wanted to study dragons but instead he gets married off to Riko Moriyama to pay off his family’s debt.

Art

Demon Neil by EstaVS on deviantart

winged neil by @mistykaru [tumblr, 2021]

demon andrew by @mistykaru [tumblr, 2021]

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Written In 2016 (2) Masterlist

part one

A Wizard's Misgivings (ao3) - jilliancares

Summary: Dan Howell’s entire family has been in Slytherin, and there’s no doubt he’s supposed to end up there too. Phil Lester does’t exactly know what to do when he finds himself liking boys, so he’s usually just horrendously mean to them.

Adphant Calendar (ao3) - Phantje

Summary: Dan works in a small and cosy café in London. He loves his work but even more so, he loves Christmas.

Phil works in a big and anonymous bank in London. He hates his works and is annoyed to see anyone happy at Christmas. Dan and Phil's paths meet, bringing two men of very different character together. Before they spend Christmas together there is a lot to learn about each other, a task they both willingly complete.

Close Your Eyes and I'll Kiss You (Tomorrow I'll Miss You) (ao3) - SimplyUndead

Summary: Summertime was the best time, if you asked either Dan Howell or Phil Lester. It was sunshine, catching waves, and no worries. When their paths cross, however, that all changes, and before either of them notices, summer becomes much more.

Closer - kattdan

Summary: Dan can’t sleep, having another crisis and Phil is the only one who can make him feel better.

Do You Believe in Magic? - dxnhowell

Summary: Dan and Phil live in a world where magic exists. They’ve grown up together in a same small town and have learned to hate each other. One day a ‘witch’ casts a spell on them to make them switch bodies with each other. They spell can’t be undone until they learn to get along.

Emergency Substitute (ao3) - parentaladvisorybullshitcontent

Summary: “You could always charm Phil for us,” Jack suggests. “Throw him off his game.”

“Right, yeah,” Dan says sarcastically. “Midway through the match I’ll just Summon his broom to me and he'll fall off and then Gryffindor’ll automatically win.”

“I didn’t mean that kind of charm,” Jack says, under his breath.

In which Dan is roped into playing Quidditch when all he really wants is a quiet life. And for Phil to never leave Hogwarts.

Failure by Design - botanistlester

Summary: Being friends with benefits doesn’t work, the movies and media showing that they always fall in love. After starting their friends with benefits arrangement, Dan and Phil are expecting to fall in love, but they aren’t disappointed when it doesn’t happen. They are content, and that’s all that matters.

gay fairies (ao3) - moonythejedi395

Summary: Everyone knew of Phil Lester's deep hatred for Dan Howell. Everyone knew that Dan Howell was the gayest gay man to ever gay. Everyone assumed that Phil hated Dan because Dan would not stop hitting on Phil, and everyone agreed that even they would be irritated by that much flirting, however everyone did not know or even guess that Phil Lester really hated Dan Howell so much because Phil actually wanted to make out with him.

glitter glue and pastel hearts (ao3) - moonythejedi395

Summary: A boy with a broken heart, who never learned to confess his thoughts to anyone but the moon, meets sunshine in the form of a boy in pastel pink shoes. In dreary England, all light is pale and fleeting, but the sun shines from his smile and his eyes, and the boy's broken heart is mended, put back together with glitter glue. In the end, the one winning in the situation will of course be Mrs. Howell, who shipped it before they even met.

Grand Theft Autumn - gorgeousdan

Summary: Get this, okay? It’s 2009 and Dan is actually making out with Phil Lester

i’ll take you on a ride - tbfhlmao

Summary: phil plays football and thinks his pastel boyfriend looks good in his varsity jacket, so dan rides him in it.

I've Only Got Eyes for You (ao3) - Full_Moon_Lover

Summary: “You’re a wait person at a strip club and I can’t even focus on the strippers anymore because of you.”

Featuring Phil going to a strip club for his 30th birthday and Dan as a very amused waiter.

Just Like Mud (ao3) - blueberryphancakes

Summary: “So you’re upset because you saw me…polishing the banister.” “Jesus fucking Christ.” “Is that another euphemism or are you just mad at me?”

Koi No Yokan (ao3) - cold_cereal

Summary: Phil proposes to Dan.

Let Me Be Your Call Boy (ao3) - auroraphilealis (peachrosepetals), embarrassing_myself

Summary: After coming out as gay to his friends on his birthday, the last thing Dan is expecting is to be gifted a call boy as a present, let alone one that’s been paid for for the entire night. Allowing Phil to show him the ropes is his first mistake, paying him to come back every week is his second, and using him to convince his parents he really is gay is his third. As a successful lawyer, the money isn’t the problem - falling in love is.

Lioness - phinalphantasy7

Summary: Phil makes a video that changes his world (later known as PINOF).  You've seen the video; here is the story behind it, told by one who was there.

Little Moments (ao3) - ReederJoe

Summary: When Dan Howell breaks his ankle, he's forced to let Phil take care of him. An accidental kiss brings them closer than ever before, but sometimes, the silver lining is too heavy for the clouds.

Lover Boy (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: Phil is the shy new kid at school, taken under the wing of Dan’s group of friends. The two develop crushes on one another, but a secret from the past threatens to jeopardise everything before it even begins.

Matte - theshyauthor

Summary: Phil brings home a cat boy named Dan with matted fur and wary eyes on a Wednesday. 

Nobody, Not Even the Rain (ao3) - worriedpeach (skeletonflowers)

Summary: (TW) Dan is fine. It's what he's told himself all along. Even though it hurts when he has sex with his boyfriend, even though he shakes for no reason at all; he's fine. He's happy. But when he meets Phil, he learns about respect, trust, and how a relationship is truly supposed to be like. Most of all, he learns that maybe he's not doing so well after all.

Put That Camcorder Away or So Help Me God (ao3) - phandomestic

Summary: What if Dan and Phil weren't able to meet in person because a zombie apocalypse broke out a week before? Flash forward seven years, Dan has gone rogue with some rough edges and is separated from his group when he comes across his once-senpai, now-facetious Phil Lester in the ruins of Manchester. As Dan soon finds, Phil, bless his heart, is not very attentive to the life-or-death situation.

Regrets Almost Made (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan ends up coming out to Phil not in the way he would have preferred.

Ride With the Moon in the Dead of Night (ao3) - Cadensauruss

Summary: A 2009!fic where Dan's a vampire and Phil's a werewolf, and it's a full moon, and their nocturnal instincts come out to play.

Ruff & Tumble - lesteresce

Summary: Dan moves into his new apartment for the dog park downstairs – little does he know that the town comes with more than just fluffy tails.  

AU where Phil has a dog and Dan almost doesn’t know if he likes the dog or the boy more.

Short Skirts and Candy Kisses (ao3) - tahliaisnotonfire

Summary: The boy had chestnut coloured hair and matching brown eyes, golden skin and pink succulent lips. His cheekbones were strongly put together and his jawline was at the perfect angle, complementing the boy’s features nicely. Phil couldn’t believe someone like this actually existed. The boy was young and his appearance seemed even more tempting as he was sucking on a lollipop. A fucking lollipop.

Also known as that AU where Phil works in a library and Dan wanders in one day wearing a short skirt looking for a book and Phil just can’t stay low-key.

Shut Your Mouth and Listen Closely (ao3) - SimplyUndead

Summary: Dan is mute with an unfortunate past. Phil is a nice boy with a warm heart and love to give.

syzygy (ao3) - dantiloquent

Summary: Phil Lester, an amateur photographer trapped in a monotonous life, is the last person to see Toby Stanford's killer before they disappear into London's crowds. He decides to keep that a secret - alongside the photos of them he has stashed away in his backpack. In a matter of hours, he is flung into a new life: one of clues and murders and lies. In a world swarming with surveillance, it's a battle against time and the police. But Phil will find this killer, and he'll get his story - or will he? Sometimes, not even a camera can capture exactly what is living beneath the surface.

The Blind Boy (ao3) - jilliancares

Summary: Dan Howell liked to think of his entire life as a series of tragic accidents. Because really, how many people can say that they managed to become blind and obtain a supposedly Cute Boy’s hate all in the span of one year? And Phil Lester has not had the best school life, so in order to avoid bullying or a bad reputation, he refuses to take shit from anyone at this new school. Even if that someone just so happens to be blind.

The Crash - placingglaciers

Summary: It’s another sleepless night for Phil only that Dan comes along and they end up shopping at like, 1 A.M. at a twenty-four hour superstore. It’s a bit of a disaster.

The Heat Of The Water And The Heat Of Our Souls (ao3) - kuwuromi (aphrodeity)

Summary: Dan and Phil have been best friends for as long as either of them can remember. One night in a jacuzzi changes the entire dynamic of their relationship, starting with some fond memories of the past.

The Prince & The Wolf (ao3) - serendipitys

Summary: Let me tell you about the tale of how a boy who had flowers growing in his soul fell in love with a boy who had thorns trapping his.

Too Young For the Golden Age (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan, Phil swears, is the best thing that's ever happened to him. Living here in this flat with his best friend, someone who's so similar yet so wildly different to him is the best case scenario. He's never had to worry about not getting along with his roommate, and even his family loves Dan. This dynamic they have is too perfect for Phil to shatter, no matter how much he'd like to.

So he bites his tongue. He bites his tongue and he holds back and plays absently with the frayed strings on his sweatshirt, tries to make himself push these emotions far, far down inside of him.

Two Doors Down (ao3) - danfanciesphil

Summary: Dan drums in the dead of night to dispel the quiet. Phil can hear him from two doors down.

We'll Never Be Royals (Extended) (ao3) - phanimist

Summary: royalty au where phil's the kind handsome prince and dan's a poor commoner who dreams of becoming world class musician. phil's parents hold a ball so he can meet his suitors, but he ends up falling for the pianist instead.

winter winds litter london with lonely hearts (ao3) - danlester (isaacmclahey)

Summary: theatre au where dan is on stage with a main part for the first time & is super excited, but one thing he isn't happy about is the fact it takes 45 mins to do his make up (made better by the distracting - but kinda cute - make up artist with the pokémon tattoo)

You’re Too Much - the-phan-nebula

Summary: Everything Dan knows about friendship is turned upside down when he moves to a new town and meets Phil Lester, a charming, funny, and friendly boy who seems like he owns the world. New friends can show you new things, and Phil shows him things he never thought he’d see, from bathroom anxiety attacks to his first drink and dance at a high school party. But as their friendship develops, Dan begins to feel things that quite honestly terrify him, and everything about Phil becomes overwhelming. Everything becomes too much.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Instead of dealing with my fics, I'm going to hammer out some of the episodes I'm rewriting for Danny Phantom! I might get around to making full fics out of these but for now it's just a synopsis.

First up on the slab, ‘The Ultimate Enemy’! Which I think I rewrote once before but I decided to go again. 

I am kiiinda cutting the part of this being the fault of Danny cheating on a test because like. The fuck man.

So the test is still a thing, and Danny's worried over it, but by this point he's gotten better at managing things(plus Jazz is helping even if she hasn't told him she knows), so his grades are improving.

Box Lunch. Fucking Box Lunch.

Okay I'm firmly on the "Ghosts are dead how are they making kids?" Side. Danny questions this(as much as he does not want to think about it). So we're introduced to the idea that Ghosts can kinda pull a Steven Universe and fuse together. Box Lunch is a fusion, not their child. But they take the form of a child because that's how they see themselves. (That said it's their own feelings on themselves, not literally a child made from them and it doesn't apply to other resulting fusions).

Anyways. Fight happens. Explosion is set up. Danny and friends are confused and squicked by Box Lunch.

Skulktech is actually not a typical fusion and is just the two teaming up. But they get dealt with and Danny, Sam and Tucker figure out how to get to Clockwork.

Clockwork trying to kill Danny still happens and the trio escape through the portal to the future. Danny is unsure what they'll meet and transforms back to Human.

They meet Future!Valerie who is like "the fuck??? How are y'all alive??"

Before she can explain, Dan shows up and is a dick, but... Seeing Sam and Tucker actually makes him freeze. He stops. Almost seeming to have a panic attack.

Valerie takes advantage of this and shoots him, but knows it won't keep him down for long so she grabs the trio and runs.

The three ask what's going on, and Valerie explains that Sam and Tucker are supposed to be long dead, while she hasn't seen Danny for 10 years. Kinda gives them a crisis. Especially when she says that the reason she hasn't seen Danny is because his family was killed in the same explosion as Sam and Tucker.

And by Crisis I mean Danny is kinda having an Obsessional Breakdown just thinking about it. Sam and Tucker pull him back, reminding him that it hasn't happened yet and he can stop it.

But Danny is still freaked, especially because he def noticed how that super powerful Ghost attacking them looked a good bit like his Ghost Form.

Valerie wonders why Dan looking like Phantom bothers him. Is it really that hard to think a Ghost, however initially helpful, went evil?

Danny confesses to being Phantom. Which she takes... Not well. Not that she shoots him! But she's just kinda horrified at the realization of like. Sweet Danny Fenton becoming that monster. And realizing that all the snarky comments "Dan" made to her that hit too close to home were intentional. Because he's at least somewhat still Danny who used to care about her. (And maybe that's one reason he hasn't been interested in killing her like he has with others.).

Speaking of, Dan finds them and wants answers. Valerie and Danny attempt to fight them, and here's where we get Sam and Tucker being sent back to the Present.

Dan notices the medallions and like in Canon, figures out Clockwork is involved. And that he can use them to go to the past, while making sure Danny stays here by sticking one inside him(yikes!)

Except... Dan's plan isn't to make sure this Future happens, it's to make sure it doesn't. Which sounds good except he plans to replace this Danny and is also 1.) Very unstable 2.) 100% Ghost and 3.) Still a Danny and Vlad fusion, so replacing Danny(and maybe even taking out Present!Vlad and replacing him as well) is doomed to fail.

Instead of confronting him on test answers, Jazz confronts Danny on why he's acting so strange and... oddly clingy to everyone. Which leads to an enraged Dan revealing what he is. And he kinda... Rants to Jazz for a while. About why he's doing this and why this is better and how "it's totally okay that I stuck your Danny in the future because I'm still him, right?".

Jazz tries to be more helpful of "you can't replace him but ya know. It'll be okay." But knows that she has to get her Danny back.

Back to Danny and Future!Valerie!

Danny thinks that the best way to deal with this would be go to the Ghost Zone and beg Clockwork to help instead of killing him. Valerie informs him that the portal at Fentonworks is destroyed and no one knows how to build it again. At which point Danny tells her that Vlad had a portal too.

The pair head off, eventually finding what used to be the mansion. But no Vlad.

In classic post-apocalyptic fashion, they manage to power some things still power on, and a video starts playing.

The video is a very disheveled Vlad explaining things as like. A confession before facing his fate.

It starts with confessing to what he and Danny are(were), and the whole "everyone frickin died" thing.

Then he gets into explaining what Obsessional Breakdown is. How a Ghost that so utterly fails their Obsession can become so enraged and destructive. How that's what was happening to Danny, on top of the more human grief of losing his friends and family. And tbh Vlad was going through something similar because like. He confesses his mismanaged anger at Maddie and Jack but that he did love both of them(yes including Jack as much as he wanted to hate him) and misses them so fucking much now that there's never a chance for them to reconcile.

But Danny was still taking it so much harder because of his own guilt and the fact that he's just 14 still and... Ya know?

He explains how their plan was to separate Danny's Human and Ghost Halves, but contain the Ghost. Once Danny's Human half can settle it's grief, move on, they'd put him back together and hope it calmed the Obsessional Breakdown.

But they underestimated how bad things could get. Danny's Ghost Half getting free and doing that whole "rip out Vlad's Ghost Half and fuse with it". So now you have double Obsessional Breakdown!

Human!Vlad managed to escape, but Human!Danny wasn't as lucky. And Vlad knows that their Ghosts will hunt him down eventually, even with the reinforcements of his lab. And he knows that the Ghost will go on to be a problem for everyone else, probably destroying everything given their rage and power. And he just apologizes for the hand he plays in it, despite knowing the apology means nothing. The video ends with something breaking through the walls and the feed cutting off.

Danny and Valerie are, ya know. Horrified watching all that.

It's Valerie who uses the Ghost Gauntlets to take the medallion out, after making Danny promise to fix this somehow. And maybe making a vague hint of "yo tell past!me about some of this shit because I missed you".

Back in the present, Danny and Dan kind of start a fight, especially because even with Jazz trying to help, Dan's slowly realizing that he can't really... Properly fix things how he wants.

They're fighting and everyone ends up at the Nasty Burger just in time for a sauce-related explosion because they were too busy fighting each other to stop it from happening.(Also fucking Jesus in a racecar this show. Sauce related explosions.)

Dan is obvs pissed because he couldn't save them, even with goddamn Time Travel. And is lashing out at Danny with a whole "this is your fault it would've been fine if you just stayed in the Future where I left you!"

Meanwhile Danny is having a hell of a time! Horror and grief over how everyone just fuckin died. The beginnings of Obsessional Breakdown because he failed to keep them safe. Guilt building as Dan blames him because "yeah it is my fault I should've made sure they were safe before dealing with the other me!"

All he can think to do is scream. Hello Ghostly Wail!

Danny manages to shove Dan in the thermos because the guy's still a danger to everyone. But Danny's just left in the aftermath, all those feelings bubbling up in him and screaming to lash out in rage.

But he's remembering that future. How fucked it was. And god he doesn't want that. So as he's just sitting in the wreckage, staring at the thermos, he promises he'll never become "Dan".

This is where Clockwork shows up and talks to Danny a bit. Tells him what his job is. Watching over Timelines and preventing disasters. But thanks to certain influences and past events, he had forgotten that there were ways to change the Timeline other than getting rid of the problem altogether. Sometimes it just needs a push in a different direction.

As a thanks for reminding him that the Future isn't quite as set in stone, Clockwork rewinds things enough to get everyone away from the explosion with no casualties.

Danny is just super relieved to have them all back and is extra clingy to all of them.

Jazz is still concerned whether it's Danny or Dan since he's still acting weird. She confronts him.

Danny manages to convince her by having her check his pulse because Dan was a Ghost and wouldn't have one. She does so, and sighs in relief making a comment on how he's "still only half a Ghost".

Whoops! Danny did not know she knew about that and is like ????????. But yeah they still have that whole talk.

Naturally we still get the implications of Clockwork having Dan in a literal Time Out instead of dumping him back in his own Timeline.

[honestlyzenoouh]

Aaron Goes Big Instead Of Home (And Poor Kevin Dies A Bit Inside)

This fic is also on AO3 if you prefer to read over there :) 

This was all Neils fault, 100% the little assholes fault. It was a simple bet, a very small one indeed. The fact that Neil even agreed to the bet, should have tipped Aaron off from the very start. But sadly, Aaron is nothing but a salty bitch when it comes to Neil, and the fact the bet involved his brother was even better. He could kill two, no actually tree birds with one tiny victory. Convince his brother that his relationship with Neil was nothing but loveless sex, prove Neil wrong whilst also getting to humiliate him. Win win win.

Teeny tiny flaw in his plan though. Neil won. Neil actually got Andrew to casually display relationship like PDA. With Andrew initiating. Holding hands, kisses goodbye, softly touching hips to get by each other, the whole shebang. Fuck. Damnit. Crap. He wasn’t suppose to readily showcase his emotions towards Neil, he was suppose to prove to both Aaron and himself that the relationship was a fad, and let it fizzle out like his and Katelyns. Okay, he might have been a little bit bitter, as well as the usual annoyance Neil brings out in him, when he made the bet. Whatever.

So here Aaron stood, almost exactly six months after the bet started, in Katelyn’s bathroom just looking at the offending clothes. Katelyn and him might have broken up, but they still consider each other their platonic soulmates. The sex kinda spelled that out for them, not really enjoyable for either of them. Katelyn found out she definitely was on the asexual spectrum, where sex was only enjoyable for her sometimes. When they first got together she had laid all the cards on the table, and told him her feelings about sex, and Aaron had been very understanding and patient with her. It took a long time for their relationship to turn physical, other than the casual kissing and hand holding, and in the two and a half years they had been together, actual sex had only happened a handful of times. And only one of those times had been somewhat satisfactory for both of them.

It was after the last time they had sex, one of the worse experiences for both of them, that Katelyn suggested they might be right for each other. Aaron had wanted to argue with her, wanted to be hurt she would say such a thing, but Aaron had been having the same thoughts for a while before. Because while Katelyn might be asexual, Aaron sure as fuck wasn’t. He got urges and fantasies, and whilst he understood Katelyn didn’t, he also knew it wasn’t her fault they weren’t clicking right sexually. So they mutually decided that they might be better of as best friends instead of partners, but weren’t ready to tell people. Katelyn wasn’t ready to come out, and Aaron would like to keep his pride and not be pitied.

(The sexual identity crisis that sprung forwards in Aaron when he actually realized that it was not only Katelyn that didn’t find pleasure in their sex life is not to be spoken about. Internalized homophobia and too much alcohol doesn’t mix, too many tears, understanding Nickys, and not nearly enough answers. Whatever, he has time to figure it out when the time is right.)

The uniforms material felt way too heavy in his hands, considering it was only a two piece, yet it was surprisingly soft. He guessed that’s what happens if you actually use fabric softener, but what was he suppose to know? He didn’t care enough about his clothes to spend the extra cash on that shit. Katelyn does though, or whoever she borrowed the clothes from did.

He shifted the fabric around his fingers and actively considered forfeiting his dare. However the mere thought of letting Neil win even more, made him visible recoil and slightly nauseas. Fuck that, a thousand times over. A simple knock on the door and a voice asking if he was okay in there, got him out of his staring contest with the outfit, and mumble something even he wasn’t sure what meant.

Taking a deep breath he finally shimmed out of his pants, and pulled the undergarment of the uniform on. A bit shorter than he was used to, but not too bad. Taking off his hoodie and replacing it with the top, made it all a bit much, and way too real. He’s gonna lose his dignity as well as his masculinity to this. The bright orange Vixens uniform sat tight against his chest, but flowed nicely the rest of the way down. Turning a bit this way and that, he got to study his whole body. His ass which normally was kinda flat, popped a bit with the skirt accentuating its shape flatteringly. His shoulder and biceps got the same treatment with the tanktop’s broad straps. So maybe not all masculinity is lost to this. Gathering a bit of his spite for Neil, and general courage, he finally unlocked the door. Finding his last fucks to give after a couple of more moments, he also opened the door. Luckily, it was only Katelyn waiting for him. She moved her head from her phone and smiled from her upside down position on the couch.

“You good?” She simply asked him. Kneading the fabric of the skirt, and pulling at it a bit he nodded.

“As good as I’m gonna get, wearing a skirt because of a stupid fucking bet. I’m so stupid.” Pulling  a bit more on the skirt, he looked around. “Where are the others? I just really wanna get this over and done with” Katelyn helpfully pointed downward, hopefully meaning Fox Towers third floor and not the parking lot. Sighing and looking at her with tense shoulders, a question all by it self, she only raised an eyebrow and gave him a look. Obviously not the parking lot, who did he think she was? A monster? Him lifting one of his now unclenched shoulders, no, but you do enjoy to slightly bullying me, so why not. Katelyn snorted and finally got up from the couch.

“I thought about it, not going to lie to you, but your face when I gave you the uniform made me reconsider. You looked like a kicked puppy, it was so sad.” Aaron grunted to make his displeasure know, but followed her to the front door. He only hesitated a bit going through, so little only people who really knew him would realize. Luckily, (or unluckily, depending on how you view it) Katelyn was one of those very few people, and she put an arm around his shoulders for comfort. Together they walked the short way to stairs and down the two flights from fifth to the third floor, thankfully without running into anyone. The hallway of the third floor also blessedly empty, gave Aaron a false sense of fortitude. Holding on to it, until it became as genuine as it’s gonna be, he looked up to Katelyn, “Which room?”

After a quick glance at her phone, she nodded towards the upperclassmen’s room. Great, so Neil roped the whole team together to witness this. Fucker. Shaking off the rest of his nerves, he shrugged off Katelyn’s arm and walked up to the door. Opening and stepping inside made his heart start pounding, but nothing happened. Literally nobody was even looking at him, or acknowledging his presence at all. All eyes seem to be on his twin, currently laying face down on the floor. “This is the worst day of my life” came muffled from the floor. Looking from face to face, Aaron finally made eye contact with someone. Sadly that someone was Neil.

Raising an eyebrow at him, Aaron silently dared him to comment. Unable to backdown, Neil did just that. “Okay Minyard, that’s a bit low, even for you” Nodding towards Aarons chest area whilst he said so, made Aaron look down at the v-neck. Sure it was a bit deep, considering his lack of boobs, but it wasn’t that bad. The v stopped at about the middle of his chest, pale blond hairs exposed to world for once. Bracing himself once again for all the attention that was bound to come his way, now that Neil had spoken to him, he took another step into the room, Katelyn right behind him. But still, all eyes except for Neils’ were on his twin as an unenthusiastic “fuck you” came from the floor. This time it was Neil that raised an eyebrow, want to make a game of this? Aaron nodded once, intrigued with this whole situation.

“Seriously A, isn’t this a bit over the top?” Neil gestured a bit with his hands, presumably meaning the Vixens uniform. Fair question, when the forfeit only specified a skirt. But Aaron kinda lived by go big or go home, and when he asked Katelyn if he could borrow a skirt, and the only thing she had he would be able to fit in was the uniform he said fuck it. To answer Neils question he nodded towards Katelyn, who gave a tiny wave. A look of understanding crossed his face when an answer came from the floor. “This is a perfectly reasonable reaction” This startled a laugh out of Nicky, and made Kevin look up from Andrew towards Neil. When he saw him looking nowhere near Andrew he followed Neils eyesight and caught sight of Aaron. His eyes widened and he stood stock still, but not a noise or word passed through him. Aaron didn’t get the time to analyze that particular reaction, as Neil once more spoke up.

“Right, sure. Kevin, what is your take on the situation? I mean, he only lost a bet, isn’t that a bit overly dramatic?” The mischievous grin he wore didn’t bore well for Aaron. He knew something Aaron didn’t, that fucker. When all Kevin seemed able of answering was a stuttery mess, the foxes finally shifted their attention away from Andrew, most likely to laugh at Kevins inability to talk. Yet, once they saw Kevins now slightly awed expression, and both his and Neils direction of sight, they subsequently came to look in Aarons direction.

What followed was probably the most awkward five seconds of Aarons life. It started as a stunned silence, which was broken by Kevin sadly saying “This is a very bad time to have an identity crisis.”, after that all hell seemed to break loose. Nicky and Allison were actively trying to get Kevin to elaborate on that, and close some bets for them. Matt and Dan were looking at each other, and then at Aaron seemingly trying to work out how best to approach the situation. The new foxes tried to gently blend into the background and disappear with no luck. Only Renee was brave enough to face him. “Hello Aaron, I like your outfit. Is this a new thing we might see more often?”

The innocent question floored Aaron for a bit, and shut the foxes up again. Sure he was still trying to figure out his sexuality, but his gender identity was never a question for him. But now that he was thinking about it, he didn’t actually mind wearing the skirt. Sure it wasn’t completely comfortable, but it was a sports uniform. His own was made of the same kinda fabric and had the same feel, so he was use to that. But if he found a more modest skirt in more comfortable fabric, he didn’t think he’d mind it all that much. I did make his ass pop. Really thinking about that fact made his brain momentarily shut down. Once rebooted he looked Renee in the eyes and answered

“I don’t, I don’t think so? I mean, I’m not sure? It might? Can I get back to you on that one?” Trying to be more open with foxes had been a thing he’s been working on as a new years resolution, but here two months later, it was still really hard. Admitting that hurt a little. Shifting his attention towards Neil again he suddenly realized something. “You didn’t tell them did you?”

“No, I didn’t actually think you would go through with it.” He shrugged his shoulders and smirked at Aaron

“Tell us what?” Came from floor. Andrew had finally decided to join the conversation, apparently. He had only turned his face from directly down, to towards Aaron at the door. He didn’t seem too judgmental, only a bit confused. Ever since Bee had finally convinced Andrew to try a new type of medication, to treat his bipolar disorder and depression, Andrew had become a whole new person. A much more readable person, but you still can’t be a 100% sure with him.

“I made a bet with Neil, and obviously lost. So my punishment was to go out of my comfort zone in the clothes department, considering and I quote; I bitch so much about his. I thought a skirt was the most out there for me. Why are you lying on floor?” Ah, the dreaded communication they needed to better. They were getting there, albeit slowly. Bee helped a lot.

“Andrew got cocky about his biceps, and Matt challenged it with an arm wrestle match. As you can probably guess, Andrew lost.” Dan cheerfully informed from beside Matt, who looked rightfully smug. This made Andrew turn downwards agin and groan sadly. “I benchpress more than any of you” was spoken into the floor. This made the foxes laugh once more. Aaron shuffled a bit from foot to foot, and made the tactful decision to leave with all the focus on his brother. He technically did do the forfeit after all. Get out of his comfort zone and show at least 4 different foxes. Whether it was individually or in a group was up to him.

When he got to his room and about to close the door, he got stopped by a hand on the frame. A very uncomfortable looking Kevin was the owner of said hand. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, and took a big breath, but didn’t say anything. He then got into motion and just walked into the room. Well then. “What do you want Kevin?” Crossing his arm across his chest, Aaron “patiently” awaited an answer.

“Go on date. Me with. I mean, uuuhhh” Aaron’s brain shut down once more, and this time the reboot apparently took a little too long, because when he refocused in on Kevin once more the man was fidgeting. Which wasn’t something Aaron had ever seen him do. What the fuck was happening here? Was Kevin actually asking him out? And more importantly, why was he asking him out? As far as Kevin was concerned, him and Katelyn was still happily together. He tried to come up with an answer, but Kevin’s flickering eyes threw him off. They kept going from his face to the skirt and then landing on the v neckline. It was almost a pattern. His eyes went from the skirt to his face again when he suddenly spoke up again.

“You need to change. I just. I can’t think, and I really want to talk to you, because I overheard Nicky one time, but I don’t really know if it was just Nicky being Nicky or if it’s actually true. I did ask him but he shut down and wouldn’t even look at me for three days after, so I don’t know for sure. So can you make me think? I mean change. Pl- if you could be as kind.”

Aaron thought he nodded before he turned and walked in to the dorms bedroom, but he honestly wasn’t sure. So many thoughts swirled around in his head, made it hard to concentrate on getting changed. Had Nicky really been so careless he accidentally outed him? It was with Nicky he had had his sexuality revelation and cry with, that cursed night after a Trip to Eden.

It had been a few weeks after Katelyn and him had called it off relationship wise, and Aaron had been having these weird feelings and his mind kept supplying him with these random observation. Objectively speaking, your Chemistry 102 TA is attractive. His sharp cheekbones and plumb lips are attractive features to have. The boy sitting across from you smells nice, wonder what cologne he uses? The man behind the counter at the coffee shop had really nice eyes. They were a warm brown you could get a little lost in.

He had just crossed the doorway into the house when the thought hit him. What if the reason that sex with Katelyn wasn’t satisfying for him, wasn’t because of the fact that Katelyn was asexual and weren’t as in to it as he was, but because she was a girl? What if the reason he seemingly couldn’t have as good an orgasm with a partner then alone, was because he had the wrong gendered partner. He had had earlier girlfriends in high school, both before and after Andrew had arrived, but he always seemed to excuse the bad sex as inexperience. But what if it wasn’t?

That had floored Aaron completely, and he had taken a stuttered breath and stumbled to the couch so he could sit down. Nobody seemed to pay him any mind, hopefully just chalking it up to drunken behavior, not the life revelation it had been. Neil and Andrew hadn’t been drinking that night, and they wasted no time bringing their things up to Andrew’s bedroom to go to bed.  Kevin had stayed at Palmetto to spend the weekend with his father, but Nicky had bargained with Andrew for them to go to Columbia anyway, and gotten his way somehow. (Aaron hadn’t asked, didn’t really want to know.) When they arrived at Eden he had all but begged Aaron to drink with him. So Aaron had matched him drink for drink, and actually had a good time. He even danced a bit with a random person with a pixie cut and let a little loose.

He hadn’t realized the tears gathering, nor the way his breathing had picked up until Nicky appeared out of nowhere sitting down next to him. He had swirled his head to look Nicky in the eyes, and the easy going smile he had on his face died when he saw Aaron’s face. He must have looked terrified because Nicky sounded completely sober when he spoke,

“Aaron are you okay? What’s wrong? Did something happen at Eden? Should I go get Andrew?” The more he spoke, the faster the words spilled out and the more panicked he sounded. Aaron tried to draw in a breath to answer him, but it got stuck in his throat so he just shook his head desperately. He really didn’t want to include Andrew too, and rather die than include Neil. Nicky had nodded his head, but still looked at him worriedly. When he finally mastered the art of breathing again he blurted out what he should have said ages ago, even before his little revelation.

“I’m sorry Nicky, I’m so sorry” He crumbled while he said it, and his head had landed in Nicky’s lap. The tears had started to fall about halfway through his apology and he didn’t predict them to stop anytime soon. But neither did the muttered apologies, I’m so sorry spoken softly into Nicky’s thigh. Nicky was bordering on hysteric at that point, franticly petting his hair and seemingly answering Aaron’s apologies

“It’s okay, I forgive you! I don’t really know what you’re apologizing for, but it can’t be that bad! Sure, you’re kinda an asshole, but you’re apologizing so you’re not that big of one. Why do you keep apologizing? It’s okay, I’m right here. Whatever you did I’m always gonna be in your corner, so please stop crying I don’t know what to do! How can I help? If you don’t calm down I’ll have to go get Andrew because I really don’t know how to help you if you don’t speak to me, and I’m starting to get really worried now. Please talk to me.”

It was only when Nicky had started to shift around, as if trying to get up, that Aaron finally snapped out of it. He wrapped his arms tightly around Nicky’s legs and shook his head, turning around to look up at him with pleading eyes. Nicky had looked back at him, tears in his eyes as well and shifted once more. “I’m giving you two minutes to start explaining or I’m getting him. This will not go unspoken of, do you hear me Aaron? I’m pretty sure you’re having a mental break down or something, and you can’t keep that all inside. That is super unhealthy and can cau-“

“I think I might be gay” Nicky had gotten very quiet and still, just looking at Aaron and blinking rapidly. Aaron took a steadying breath and wiped his face free of tears, head still in Nicky’s lap. Figuring fuck it, I already said the hardest part he continued speaking, voice croaking making it deeper than normal.

“I don’t actually know, I just. I keep having these thoughts ever since Katelyn and I broke up, which we did like, a month ago, and I think my brain is just now connected the dots because apparently I’m fucking stupid, and can’t figure out that sex wasn’t as satisfying as regular masturbation, was not because the people I’m with are bad at it, but because they don’t have what I need. Or is it the bad thing and I’m only overanalyzing? The only thing I’m really sure of right now is the fact I’m a huge asshole for giving you and Andrew such a hard time for being gay, when I might be it too. That and apparently I find my chemistry TA hot, and like the way men smell and what is wrong with me?” Aaron sniffed and a few more tears fell from his eyes. They were starting to feel a bit sore now. Aaron had jumped when Nicky suddenly took a huge breath and whispered something that sounded like okay, you can do this. Making eye contact with his older cousin he got a small smile. He reached down wipe the last of the tears away, and began petting his hair again. Much more soothingly this time around.

“So this is a lot to unpack, so what do you say we take it in small bites hmm?” When all Aaron did was nod, he continued on, “So you and Katelyn broke up? Are you okay in regards to that?”

Aaron looked down at his hands, playing with his fingers but answered him, “Yeah, about a month ago. Maybe a little longer. It was an actual mutual decision, something we both felt needed to be done. We had a big fat discussion about our feelings and called it quits. We just aren’t ready to tell just yet. Might not for a while to be honest. She has some things to work through, and she’s my best friend so of course I’ll put it off for as long as she needs.” Shrugging his shoulders he looked up again.

“Okay then, I’m happy to hear you’re doing okay there. These… thoughts you mentioned, what exactly do you mean?” Wincing a little, Aaron had tried to clarify his brains jumbled observations. They sat on the couch talking about each and everything Aaron had been feeling and thinking about those past two months. Aaron found that Nicky could be surprisingly quiet and understanding, and that it was really cathartic to talk about it all. So apparently Aaron could see the attractiveness about guys, but he didn’t know if he wanted to date them. Kissing had crossed his mind once or twice, but quickly shut down because he wasn’t ready to think about it.

The last thing Aaron had asked of Nicky before they went to bed that night, a few hours later, was that he kept quiet. He wasn't ready to explore his sexuality, let alone come out. Nicky had given him an understanding smile and sighed out of course.

A knock on the door startled Aaron out of his memory and into the present again. Shrugging his hoodie over his head he decided to just get it over and done with. Fucking Kevin sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. When he was fully dressed once more, he walked over to the door and ripped it open.

"What do you want Kevin?" He said maybe a little too forcefully. Kevin had moved away from the door, and was sitting at the couch Matt had supplied the living room with. He gestured to the other end where he was sitting. Sighing to make his displeasure known, he got to the couch and plopped down. Looking over at the other boy he repeated his question, a bit more mellow this time. Kevin was sitting with his legs curled up under him, his right hand playing with the fabric of his pants.

"A date, ideally. With you, specifically." His face was set in a small smile, eyes sparkling hopefully. Aaron's heart sank a little, so Nicky had outed him. Accidental or not, that still shot a pang of panic and hurt through him. Before he could muster up the energy to answer him, Kevin continued,

"I don't actually know if you'd be interested, or even actually into boys. About three weeks ago, I overheard Nicky speaking to who I assume was Erik, considering he was speaking some german. He kept switching between english and german though, and going on a tangent about queerness being genetic, the twins, and breaking up with girlfriends. Never mentioning any names. So I don't- I'm not actually sure it was you he was talking about. I tried to ask him but he just shouted no, hung up the phone and all but ran away from me. He haven’t really spoken to me yet. I think he feels bad, because I overheard him.”

A feeling of relief spread through Aaron. Even though Nicky had spoken about their conversation from months ago, he had worded it so only people who knew Nicky intimately would have a clue. Or simply think he was talking about Andrew. Still feeling some of his earlier panic, Aaron opened his mouth to profusely deny deny deny, not at all ready to talk about his sexuality again, he remembered a tiny detail from Kevin’s explanation. If he had overheard Nicky three weeks ago, why in the world hadn’t he said anything? Either to him or the others? Closing his mouth again, Aaron tried to calculate what would happen if he “came out” to Kevin. He wasn’t even sure what the ever-loving fuck he was, other than not straight, but if Kevin had held tight for those three weeks maybe he would for however long it took for Aaron to figure it out. One small parentheses made the equation hard though. Kevin’s apparent desire to date Aaron. Aaron might not be the best at math, but a huge glaring pair of parentheses in an equation needed to be addressed first, in order to solve said equation. Right? Aaron’s pre-med not a simple math major, how was he supposed to know?

“Why?” It had slipped out of Aaron’s lips without permission, but he really needed to know before they got any further in this equation. Why now? Why him? Kevin furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly, apparently not getting Aaron’s question. Aaron elaborated his inner thoughts, and the questions made Kevin pause. A slight flush rose across his cheeks, but it didn’t take long for him to gather his thoughts, only a shake of his head.

“So, I’ve been talking to Bee right? In the process of becoming sober” Aaron nodded, not really in the mood to actually talk right now. Luckily, Kevin continued on.

“Okay, so. She hasn’t just been helping me getting sober, also just. Better? In general. We have been talking trough my growing up, and Riko and Andrew. Just. Everything I guess. It made me realize some things, and she has been encouraging me to do something about it. I haven’t wanted to, until three weeks ago, where I heard I might have an actual chance.” He shrugged his shoulders, now looking down at his lap, really focusing on the piece of fabric between his fingers. Aaron’s mouth went a little dry at that implication, not that he really knew why.

He thought all bravery had left his body, after having to endure his forfeit, but apparently not because he felt himself reaching his right hand across and over Kevin’s left. It made him start and look up at Aaron. Sitting there with his hand over Kevins made him feel the same sense of fuck it, as he had with Nicky all those weeks ago. So throwing caution into the wind, he unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth, and asked what he thought was the most pressing matter.

“What did you realize?” Kevin’s face went from flush to straight up red, but he kept his eyes locked with Aaron.

“Apparently it is possible to admire people of the same sex aesthetically, and not just because of their exy skills. And that I find your personality and general body incredibly attractive.”

Kevin’s voice had gone down an octave, and the sound of it sent a shot of something, through his stomach. The very same something he has been feeling pertaining his chemistry TA lately. Great, now he also found fucking Kevin hot. Not that that might be a problem with Kevin considering the resent confession. Though now that he really thought about it, Kevin really is an attractive person. He has sharp cheek bones, but his green eyes softens his face up, so he doesn’t look so severe. His nose is slightly upturned, but with a tiny bump on the bridge, which is something Aaron hadn’t noticed before. Wonder where he got it from? Exy most likely. His thighs has the same kind of muscle definition that Katelyn has, which is something Aaron has always found arousing.

He should probably say something though, instead of just mindlessly looking at Kevin. The poor dude looked about one breath away from a minor break down. He shook his head to clear it from his Kevin related epiphany.

“Fuck it okay, all cards on the table?” He gestured with his left hand, just now noticing his right still laying over Kevins. When he got a hesitant nod from him, he continued on now determined.

“I don’t actually know what I am, other than maybe not straight. Katelyn and I are broken up yes, but we haven’t actually told anyone. Not ready yet” A slight flush rose across his own cheeks when he thought about his next admission, “And I kinda find you aesthetically pleasing as well.”

A small smile spread across Kevin’s face and he opened his mouth, but Aaron cut him of before any words could come through. “But! But, I really don’t know what that means. And I don’t think it’s fair for you, if I didn’t make that abundantly clear first. Your face is attractive, I think, and I know you enough to feel safe maybe starting a thing with you. Just, some minor things before you ask me again?”

Kevin nodded his head quickly and opened his mouth again, but once again Aaron cut him off before he could speak. “Okay so one;” He held a finger up on the hand not holding Kevin’s. 

“I’m nowhere near ready to tell people about anything related to my sexuality, so if we do this. It’d have to be in complete secret,” Another finger joined the first one and he went on. “Two, we’d have to take it slow. I don’t know what I’m comfortable with, or how far I’m willing to go, so you’d need to be patient with me. Possibly really patient with me.”

He raised a third finger to go with his last bit.

“And lastly but most important, you need to tell me if things isn’t working for you anymore. I know I come with a lot of rules and regulations, but I need to figure out if this is really for me. You feel safe enough for me to try with specifically, but if that ever ends up not being enough for you, you tell me. Immediately. That is very important to me. If there is one thing my relationship with both Katelyn and Andrew have taught me anything it is honesty is super important. Well, and consent but you know Andrew too so of course you know that. Okay, you can talk now.” He unfurled his hand, and waved it at Kevin’s to demonstrate his point. Kevin looked a little shell shocked after being loaded with all that information, and he took a moment but finally he spoke, his small smile lighting up his eyes.

“Yeah, I can work with that.”

It was spoken softly, and it took Aaron an extra two seconds to realize what Kevin meant. He still wanted to “date” Aaron, even with all these rules. And he had not seen that coming, expecting Kevin to give up and find someone new to pester about dating. He hadn’t really taking his stubbornness into consideration, which really was an oversight on Aaron’s part, and predicted this would happened.

“Ask me again.” He challenged him, a small part of him still excepting him to not go through with it. And by now, Aaron kinda really wanted to go on this gay adventure with Kevin.

Kevin’s smile grew in size, and made a dimple appear in his right cheek, another thing Aaron hadn’t noticed Kevin do(had, could?), and he shifted closer to Aaron. He shifted his left hand so they were holding hands, rather than Aaron holding Kevins, and took hold of his right hand as well, placing both in his lap. Aaron could feel his cheeks warming up, but didn’t hinder his movements.

“Would you like to go on a date with me? And maybe hold a little hands with me? That’s all I ask for now, and we can figure adjustments out as we see fit in the future. And secrecy is okay with me at the moment, and I promise to tell you if I change my mind.”

Aaron’s whole upper body felt warm now, most likely a blush, but he also felt surprisingly excited. This had suddenly turned into a thing Aaron really wanted to explore. Mirroring Kevin’s smile he answered, feeling confident in his mental math. This equation wasn’t so hard to solve as the first one.

“Yeah okay, I think I’d really like that”

Part 1 of “Aaron Tries His Best”

1 - 2(coming soon)

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

no pressure or anything but if you ended up writing this my little nerdy punk heart would have been eternally grateful 🥺 (and please, please, please, boyband him a little, that hair can't go to waste) love you!!!!!💖 these tags actually made my day so thanks!!!!!!

hello jo, i hope you're doing well!! <3 sorry abt taking a while to get to this ask, i have been a little out of it, and i didn't want to half ass a reply to something as important as a natie themed ask....

this entire concept is 100% on my to-write list!!! i have a lot of thoughts about nate figuring himself out/figuring out who he is away from his family's expectations of him and the ideas people who think they know him have of him (since he's so popular, everyone thinks they know him, he can't escape the reputation that follows him around, etc etc).

in fact, since we're talking about this - i made a list of connected, nate-focused, stuff! and this response got RIDICULOUSLY long. so. 11-point bullet list focusing on nate, here you go!

you might enjoy my natessa fic "out of focus". it's not exactly this, but it is sort of the first time i dip my toe into the pool of.. whatever this concept is. nate lets vanessa buy him a shirt he would never pick out for himself. things go on from there!

i have a lot of thoughts about nate & ruby, specifically. we never actually got to see her, but i think he'd awkwardly gravitate towards her in that way that you do when you're young & queer and you meet an Openly Gay And Comfortable person for the first time. and i think ruby would see this and kind of adopt him/take him under her wing? anyway.

more natefic i am yet to write involves nate coming out to vanessa, vanessa being the first person he comes out to, it's after a lesbian punk concert and he's hyperventilating a bit and he KNOWS v will support him. she has literally shown him in a million ways that she's a good ally to the lgbtq+ community, and vanessa's just like, "what's wrong?" and nate is like. "nothing's wrong, and i really like you, but i'm not - i don't - " and then he says something awkward and stumbles through how he likes men, and vanessa gives him a hug and kisses his cheek and says "thank you for telling me that"

anyway i bring up #2 and #3 just to say that i feel nate has a sort of comfort with the abrams sisters that he doesn't have with anyone else at the time (he will eventually get here with blair and serena too, but in s1? they ALL had their own shit to deal with and i don't think nate was really in a place to open up to them, whereas vanessa & ruby aren't his childhood friends so in that way, it's easier, etc). and i love the thought of like. vanessa bleaching his hair super pale, ruby buying him a hair straighter (and of course he knows how to use it, he's blair waldorf's ex boyfriend what do you expect of him) and just. the abrams sisters - without even realising they're doing it - giving nate a space to explore who he is and specifically, his presentation

so we can either roll with nate being a trans man, which i LOVE, and am trying to write a fic about - OR - and it makes sense here, with these headcanons specifically, i feel like nate would maybe be one of those cis people who's explored their gender identity, realised they're cis, and therefore, is far more in touch with their gender than the average cis person?

connected to THAT, i have a fic in the works in which nate just presents... extremely femme. he goes super flamboyant, dresses in a way that puts himself on everyone's gaydar, etc etc. at first he does it to be like "fuck you" to his family, but after a bit he realises he actually really likes being perceived in that way, as a queer man, as a pretty queer man, and it makes him feel in control & good about himself to be able to do all these stereotypically feminine things WHILE identifying 100% as a man. putting on nail polish and mascara and gloss, wearing very femme things and heels, etc etc, it makes nate feel like himself in a way that he's never really felt before. (he IS a cis man.) dan bumps into nate at a gay bar, doesn't recognise him at first (this is a very au fic, i think they've lost touch since high school ended) and then promptly falls in love with nate AND has a gender identity crisis that goes a bit like "well nate maybe you can do these things and still identify as male but i can't" and it's just... trans dan my beloved.

unconnected to all that, you know what would've been fun? s2 nate is staying with the humphreys arc, and jenny... dyes his hair for him, and designs outfits for him, and basically both of them just. go thru a whole fashion revamp together.

i have a lot of ideas for futurefics in which jenny is like. 18, 19, etc and has a cool new line of men's clothing, but she doesn't have the $$ to hire a professional model for her clothes OR she wants the person modelling the clothes to be someone who Gets her mission statement in designing them (this is better but it could sorta be a combination of both) and essentially she awkwardly asks nate to model lingerie for her. he is like, of course! because i'm me, this doesn't go anywhere romantically, but if a jenate shipper wants to take this idea and run with it, go ahead, just credit me, lmaooo. i will definitely write this fic to centre around nate & jenny both being really gay, which is the other direction altogether, so that doesn't bother me.

since we're speaking about nate in lingerie, this fic of mine's first birthday is coming up in a few days! wow, it's been a whole yEAR.

so, disclaimer, any and all fics that centre around Identity... always take a lot out of me + i always have to be in a very specific headspace to write them (that's why the nonbinary dan series is taking ages, too). so while i really DO wanna write all the nates exploring how they present and, as the kids say, fucking around and finding out, it might be a while!

oh. this reminds me*. i REALLY have to finish writing my demisexual nate fic... it's a tricky thing to write. i have another fic im yet to write about how sleeping with dan makes nate re-evaluate a lot of things, in a very trauma survivor way (like an "oh, this is what it feels like to be with someone who respects me!" kind of way) and that... i want to write it sooo bad but i gotta do the idea justice. life is Hard.

*if anyone is curious about my thought process - “nate fucking around and finding out” ... wait, a bit like.. “nate fucking around and finding out that he doesn’t even like to fuck around, which is what happens in THESE fics i’m writing, let me just,...” etc.

[terrainofheartfelt]

Mouthful of Forevers: a Fic Playlist

Since practically all of the works and chapters in this fic are titled after songs, and I reference even more in the fic itself, I thought why not make a playlist? (Link here)

As usual, the track listings & my stream of consciousness commentary are under the read more.

Image sources (x) (x) (x)

Press Restart - Walk the Moon The first work: Dan going to Rome, and trying to move on.

The last chapter in the story of my old self/ Damsel in distress / Waiting for a deus ex / In line to be your next ex

London Calling - The Clash The ice age is coming, the sun's zoomin' in / Engines stop running, the wheat is growin' thin

The Angel Islington - Frank Turner Dan choosing to stay in London with his sister.

By the waters of the Thames / I resolved to start again: / To wash my feet and cleanse my sins / To lose my cobwebs on the wind

Sweet Albion Blues - Frank Turner Don't go stopping and putting down roots / Or your shoes won't fit in your travelling boots

Walking on Broken Glass - Annie Lennox Second work. Blair & Dan still sifting through the aftermath of their breakup, almost a year later

Since you've abandoned me / My whole life has crashed

Once I Was - as performed by Penn Badgley I find myself searching / Through the ashes of our ruins / For the days when we smiled / And the hours that ran wild

Bon Iver - Skinny Love I tell my love to wreck it all / Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

45 - The Gaslight Anthem I hear the alarm / I used to hear when she would sleep in my arms

Turn the key and engine over / Let her go / Let somebody else lay at her feet

1930 - The Gaslight Anthem (Brian Fallon acoustic) one of the songs Dan & Rufus play in the studio

So I'm saying my goodbyes to your deep blue eyes / Cause I don't know how to say, "Stay still in the pain."

If I recall the last thing you said to me / Before it broke up, before it took you from me

Miles Davis and the Cool [Acoustic] - The Gaslight Anthem again, an in-scene song imagining

Like poor Mr. Pitiful, I can't turn you loose / You move like a dream I had, I woke up sweating in my room

Graceland - Paul Simon She comes back to tell me she's gone / As if I didn't know that / As if I didn't know my own bed

Dan's Song - Frank Turner the first song Dan plays onstage with Panic

Like where it is we're going now and what we had to show / For all the sunny days we spent shut up in the shells / Of expectations of our ultimate directions / And the stations that we should have reached by now

Miles Davis and the Cool ['59 Sound Sessions] - The Gaslight Anthem the original rough cut lyrics are SO different than the ones they released but both are SO GOOD (i love this band in case you haven't noticed)

Like poor Mr. Pitiful, in the grays and the blues /I'm a nervous wreck tonight / In these opera house rooms / In these chambers of uncertainty / In these hallways of doubt / In these dark tossin' waters of my soul /Don't let me drown

Resentment - Kesha not cited anywhere in the story but I listened to it a Lot while writing the chair breakup (along with the next two)

I don't hate you, babe, it's worse than that / 'Cause you hurt me and I don't react

Tell Me How - Paramore I think I'm tired of getting over it / Just starting something new again / I'm getting sick of the beginnings / And always coming to your defenses

Clean - as performed by Sara Bareilles okay so I just discovered this cover but it's EXQUISITE

When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe

the 1 - tswift a friend in crisis makes Dan & Blair's paths cross again

I persist and resist the temptation to ask you / If one thing had been different / Would everything be different today?

Les Champs-Elysees - as performed by Walk off the Earth Dair reignite their friendship on the streets of Paris

N'importe qui et ce fut toi, je t'ai dit n'importe quoi / Il suffisait de te parler, pour t'apprivoiser

Be - Hozier Be like the love that discovered the sin / That freed the first man and will do so again

L'Etang - Blossom Dearie Une étoile brille au fond de l'étang / Pour les amoureux

Sun It Rises - Fleet Foxes a chapter title and also the song Dan plays one morning in Oxford

Hold me dear into the night

Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier I got some colour back, she thinks so, too / I laugh like me again, she laughs like you

Sweet Thing - as performed by Hozier a couple chapter titles were taken from this, and it's the first song Dan plays at open mic night in Dublin

And you shall take me strongly in your arms again / And I will not remember that I ever felt the pain

Mae [Acoustic] - The Gaslight Anthem the second song Dan plays in Dublin

Stay the same, don't ever change / Cause I'd miss your ways / With your Bette Davis eyes / And your mama's party dress

You Are in Love - tswift 3 words. 8 letters.

You keep his shirt, he keeps his word

Out of the Woods - tswift what follows the 3 words 8 letters

Looking at it now / Last December / We were built to fall apart / Then fall back together

Swing Low, Sail High - The Wailin' Jennys I have failed you / I have lost my way, lost my nerve, I've failed you / But I love you / How I love you

Cigarettes and Coffee - Otis Redding But it seems so natural, darling / That you and I are here

Etta James - Brian Fallon Etta James / play that symphony / because she drifts through my blood like a remedy

Dinner & Diatribes - Hozier the shameless pwp threesome fic

I knew well from our first hookup / The look of mischief in your eyes

To Be Alone - Hozier another smutty, smutty outtake

Honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes / I feel like a person for a moment of my life

Moon River - Henry Mancini & Johnny Mercer Wherever you're going I'm going your way

Saint Honesty - Sara Bareilles the big reconciliation musical number

Rain on us, Saint Honesty / Salvation is coming in the morning, but now what we need / Is a little rain on our face from you, sweet Saint Honesty

Graceland Too - Phoebe Bridgers Said she knows she lived through it to get to this moment / Ate a sleeve of saltines on my floor and I knew then / I would do anything you want me to / I would do anything for you

Sugar in My Bowl - Nina Simone I want some sugar in my bowl / I want a little sweetness / Down in my soul

In the Morning - Nina Simone In the morning when the moon is at it's rest / You will find me at the time I love the best

B - Sarah Kay plot twist: a poem not a song???? whatevs it's an amazing poem y'all should listen to it

And when they finally hand you heartache, / when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat, / you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.

Long Time Comin' - Bruce Springsteen dilf!dan my beloved.

If I had one wish in this god-forsaken world, kids / It'd be, your mistakes'll be your own