#but the ‘Deaf’ speed setting is so fucking fast i’ve got a long way to go lmao

[impzone]

waaaughhhh i’m so excited for my ASL class. my professor is Deaf and is gonna be teaching the class entirely in ASL so it’s just gonna be 100% immersion learning AAUGHHH it’s gonna be tough but i’m unbelievably excited

[rebelwrites]

A Fathers Love

Chibs Telford x Daughter Reader

He couldn’t believe it, today was the day his little girl got married. Sitting on the sofa he was deep in thought as the make up artist did what she needed to do.

“Da you still with us” you laughed looking at him through the mirror.

“Aye” he nodded pushing himself up to his feet “just thinking”

“You’re worried you are gonna lose me aren’t you” you said arching your eyebrow.

“Well yea kinda” he chuckled softly.

“I might be becoming a Teller today but deep down I will always be a Telford” you smiled slipping your hand into his “and I will always need my Da. That won’t change”

“I just can’t believe you are getting married today” he whispered tears filling his eyes “and who would have thought it would be to Jax”

Soon enough it was time to get your dress on so Chibs left the room to go have a smoke.

It was like the past 26 years flashed before his eyes.

After about half an hour you opened the door, creeping up behind you dad, tapping his shoulder.

His grin was wide and had tears in his eyes when he saw you.

“Lass you look so beautiful” he whispered kissing your cheek. “I am so proud of you, you managed to keep up with the club life whilst becoming an amazing women”

“Da please don’t make me cry” you smiled lighting your smoke.

“Have you got the reaper on your dress?” Chibs smirked

“Of course, got them to make one out of lace so it blends in” you grinned “the club is a big part of my life so it would be wrong not to have it. Also I want to show you something”

Reaching your hand to the neckline of you dress you rolled the top down just enough to show the black thread.

“Filip ‘Chibs’ Telford”

“You got my name stitched into your dress” he whispered.

“Yeah I did. Above my heart, I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for you dad. You some how managed to raise me as a single parent whilst dealing with the club. I’d say that’s pretty amazing” you grinned.

“God I’m so emotional today” he laughed wiping his eyes before stepping forward to place a kiss on your forehead “I love you kid”

“I love you to Da”

“Now let’s go get you married” he grinned.

———

The service was beautiful, short and sweet just what both you and Jax wanted. Mainly so you had more time to party.

Chibs had just finished his speach spilling some embarrassing memories of both you and Jax. And it was now time for the father daughter dance.

Resting your head on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, as you swayed to the music.

“I lost my breath when I saw you take your first. My whole world stopped like that and I ain’t the crying type. I just saw your eyes words just can’t describe what I see. You look just like me, yeah”

“I still remember the first time I held you in my arms, watching your Y/E/C eyes staring up at me” Chibs whispered loud enough for you to hear “I think that was the first time I had ever cried”

“Da, Don’t make me cry you old bastard” you laughed looking up at him.

“You’re gonna think I hung the moon. You’re gonna think I made the sky. That the sun rises and sets inside of my eyes And it won’t be long ‘till I hear “Daddy’s home"”

“God I used to love coming home just to hear your footsteps on the wood floor screaming ‘daddy’s home’ no made what kind of day I had you always made it so much better” he smiled with tears in his eyes.

“It was the best part of my day as well, because it meant eating dinner in front of the TV and cuddles” you giggled.

“I hope I’m still your hero ‘cause I already love you more than even I understand”

“You will always be my hero da, no matter how old I get. You taught me right from wrong, how to shoot a fucking gun, how to ride, everything I know is because of you. I mean you even taught me how to make a body disappear” you laughed.

“Yeah probally wont win dad of the year for that one” he chuckled spinning you around.

“You have in my life” you smiled.

“And one day you’ll realize I’ve lost my cape, I can’t fly. And I’m only human. And you’ll need more than me”

“I will always need my Da by my side. Yes I have Jax now but he can never replace you” you whispered resting your head back on his chest.

The song came to a end and Chibs pulled you into a tight hug. Looking up at him it was obvious he had been crying through the song. Reaching up you wiped his tears away with you thumb.

“I will always love you daddy” you whispered “no matter how old I get, my love for you will never fade”

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Jax appear smiling at the two of you.

“Chibs can I dance with my wife now” Jax chuckled placing his hand on the small of your back.

“She’s all your Jackie boy” Chibs nodded before kissing your head.

He took a couple of steps before spinning back around placing his hands on Jax’s shoulders.

“Just promise me one thing Jackie Boy, promise me you will take care of my little girl. Because if you don’t I will kill you” Chibs nodded before smiling at you both and heading to the bar.

-

“Babygirl you need to slow down” Jax chuckled wrapping his arms around you, placing his hand over you stomach “we both know you get clumsy when you rush and we can’t have you hurting peanut”

“But I’m excited” you whined.

“I know you are and I am to but I don’t want you hurting yourself” he whispered kissing your head. “Now slow it down”

“Or what” you giggled.

“Girl don’t, not when we are just about to head out” Jax groaned as you wiggled out of his arms, grabbing the bag that held the secret in.

After a quick drive you pulled into the lot of the clubhouse, gaining a few weird looks to why you was in the car and not on the bikes. Ever since you told Jax you was pregnant any where you both went he refused to take his bike.

“How you are going to keep this in until after dinner I have no idea” Jax laughed as he watched you bounce on the balls of your feet waiting for him. “Come on then you dork let’s go tell Chibs the good news”

Waking into the clubhouse, you had a grin plastered on your face.

“Dadddddy” you giggled

“Oh fuck” Chibs laughed engulfing you in his arms “this sounds fuckin’ expensive”

“I got you a present” you grinned.

“Since when did you by me stuff” he questioned taking the bag off you and sitting at the table.

“Just shut up and open it” you beamed leaning into Jax’s side, watching his reaction.

As Chibs pulled the small box out of the bag, he looked up at you arching his eyebrow. “Choose wisely? Something best not jump out at me” he chuckled slowly lifting the lid off the box. As he pulled each name card out he read it out loud.

“Papa, grandad, Pa, granda, gramps” he trailed off, eyes becoming wide, tears running down his cheeks and a wide grin on his face. “Princess, what is this?” He asked already working the answer out.

“I’m pregnant Da” you grinned.

“I’m gonna be a papa” he sobbed running his hand over his face before hugging you.

“I guess we know what name he picked” Jax laughed “Papa Chibs”

“I can’t believe my baby is having a baby” he sniffles wiping his eyes, placing his hand on your stomach.

— — —

You was now 6 months pregnant, and let’s just say protective was an understatement, not only did you have an over protective husband, who if it was up to him you’d be on bed rest wrapped in bubble wrap but your dad was just as bad if not worse. You had a prospect with you every minute of the day when Jax or your dad wasn’t with you. It amazes you that you even got to piss in peace.

“You are meant to do what we tell you yes?” You snapped as you paced the floor of the club.

“Yeah” the prospect mumbled.

“They why haven’t you got me my ice cream” you huffed.

“Kiddo your gonna wear a hole in the floor” dad laughed as he kissed your head “What’s up?”

“Dickhead won’t get me ice cream” you pouted. “And peanut really wants ice cream”

“Well it’s a good job I’m the best Da in the world and stopped by the shop on the way home then” he grinned pulling a tub of bubblegum ice cream out of the plastic bag.

Tearing the lid off, you dug your finger into the cold goodness, scooping some into your mouth. “I fucking love you” you mumbled with a mouth full of ice cream.

“I love you to kiddo” dad chuckled.

— — —

You was now 5 days overdue and wasn’t allowed to even leave the house, thanks to the prospects being on strict orders from Jax and Chibs.

You knew the guys had a busy day so prayed that the baby didn’t decide today was the day they wanted to make an appearance.

But it seemed like your prayers fell on deaf ears as you started to get twinges in your stomach, and soon enough your waters broke all over the kitchen floor.

“I don’t care what they are doing, you need to get Jax and my Da here now” you snapped “and we need to go to the hospital”

The guys had just got back from a quick run when Chibs got the text to say you had gone into labour.

Standing up from the table he took two steps before screaming.

“JAAAAAAAAAAX!!!”

Within seconds he skidded into the room.

“Yeah” he breathed.

“We gotta go boy, baby Teller is making an appearance” he grinned as he pretty much ran out to his bike.

Neither of them cared about following the speed limit they just needed to get to the hospital as fast as possible. Soon enough they had arrived and Jax stumbled into the room making you laugh at his dorkiness.

“I’m here baby” he whispered instantly coming to your side.

Seconds turned into minutes which turned into hours and baby Teller was being stubborn.

“I want my Da” you cried pushing through another contraction. Jax left your side for a couple of seconds to poke his head out the door to call Chibs in.

“Daddy I’m scared” you cried as another contraction hit. All your emotions were running high and Chibs knew that even though you was excited for this baby you was scared you was going to be a bad mother.

“Princess there’s no need to be scared” Chibs whispered kissing your head. “You have Jax, you have me and the club. You aren’t going to have to do this on your own. Now come on just breath, I want to meet my grandchild”

A couple more hours had passed and you was exhausted, but all that was forgotten when the tiny human was placed in your arms. His tiny blue eyes, which were identical to his father’s, staring up at you, watching every movement.

“He looks like you” you whispered leaning your head against Jax’s shoulder.

“Unlucky bastard” Dad laughed.

“You did great baby” Jax whispered kissing your head “he’s perfect”

“So have we got a name or did you give up and the poor lad is gonna be called peanut for the rest of his life” dad smirked walking over to Jax and pulling him into a hug, tears in both of their eyes, placing his hand on the back of Jax’s head he spoke softly “welcome to fatherhood son. Beannachd Dia dhuit”

“Papa Chibs” you grinned at you dad as you passed him your son “meet your first grandson, Jackson JR Filip Teller”

“Princess” he sniffed looking down at his grandson “I’m honoured to share my name with this little one”

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

[fizzingwizard]

Frantically playing catch up because I’m gone the rest of the weekend so here’s day 6 after all! Blatantly Takari. This one surprised me by how easy it was to write so it got a bit longer than the others. I’m sure there are many typos, please overlook. Also has two quotes, one in the text and one at the end, from my long-time favorite poet, Walt Whitman. BTW, I don’t really get everything that went down with Ordinemon, but I did my best to fit canon.

One month post-Bokura no Mirai, Takeru and Hikari go on a date and Hikari encounters something unexpected, which leads to a very overdue conversation with her brother.

Warning - there’s mention of the death of sick baby. It’s not huge but it matters to the story. I don’t want to shock anyone.

---

Tri week day 6 - Journeys - Death of a Comet

"How are you?" Takeru asked, watching her carefully.

Hikari only smiled and pretended not to notice. "I thought we'd known each other long enough to skip the niceties, Takeru-kun," she quipped. It was a far cry from her old playfulness, she knew, but she also knew he wasn't going to call her out for it it just yet.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Takeru rolled his eyes with an exaggerated, put-upon sigh. "I didn't realize relationship length was proportionate to amount of shits given."

"It is, at least when the last time we talked was an hour ago over text."

"Duly noted."

"Let's go?"

He nodded. He was wearing another hat she'd never seen before, a dark blue beret that looked about to tip off the side of his head with a light breeze. She wondered if he went out and bought a new hat each time before they went out together. Like how a girl shouldn't be caught in the same outfit twice. He probably did. That was Takashi Takeru, vain as fuck. But there was also something kind of adorable about it.

They'd "officially" been dating for a couple weeks, and Hikari wasn't sure yet how she felt about it. Of course, she'd agreed to it when he asked her. What else could she do? They'd been flirting and toying with each other off and on for years, in a childish way, but she couldn't pretend she didn't know full well what she was doing. She'd even sometimes daydreamed about what dating him would be like. Mostly she imagined it would be a lot of sitting in the bleachers at his basketball games.

She didn't consider Takeru the most mature of the boys in their year, but he wasn't as bad as some. Plus, they'd been through a lot together, so she knew what he was made of. And he really liked her. And she liked him. It seemed unavoidable. She'd said yes because she had no good reason for saying no.

It still felt a bit weird when he reached to hold her hand. Two weeks in, and they had yet to kiss. For the most part, it felt like nothing much had changed between them, except that Takeru no longer tried to hide his excitement when she was near. That was... flattering. And she had no qualms with taking it slow either.

They got on the Yurikamome train and stood together by a window, watching the Odaiba waterfront speed by as they traveled over the Rainbow Bridge. The sky was blue and cloudless. It was the kind of weather Tailmon loved, but Hikari had already talked to her about why she sometimes couldn't come along when she and Takeru went on an "outing." Tailmon had blinked lazily and said that was alright, and given her claws a long, purposeful lick. ”But if he ever hurts you, don't you dare hide it from me.”

Hikari promised, but thought the reverse scenario was far more likely.

Takeru had a more difficult time explaining it to Patamon, she'd heard. Supposedly, after Takeru had given his spiel about how growing up meant needing more time to oneself, Patamon had blurted out, "Are you going to kiss Hikari!? You've got to kiss her, Takeru!" loudly enough that some boys at school had overheard, and as a result everyone knew that they were an item before they'd even been out on a single date.

Such was life with Digimon.

"You know where it is, right?" Hikari asked as they got off the train.

"Yeah, I've come here with my mom for other exhibits," Takeru said, leading her out the exit and onto a busy street. "Mom's really into modern art. We've gone to see Kusama Yayoi's sculptures on Naoshima like four times. I'm pretty sure she goes whenever she breaks up with a boyfriend."

Hikari laughed. "Wait, really?"

"Well, she never introduces them to me, but I can tell when she's seeing someone. She touches up her roots more often."

The art exhibit they were going to see was some sort of interactive light show. Hikari had seen pictures online and thought it looked beautiful. Her father was of the opinion that they only ever put the best pictures on the website, and the rest of the exhibit was probably in some big, white-walled room that smelled like someone had microwaved fish for lunch. Her mom had been more enthusiastic, and added that, if the art did turn out to be a dud, it was as good an excuse as any to sneak off somewhere quiet with her Romeo and, you know, romance him.

Hikari was definitely not going to do that.

She'd timed things with care. Taichi had morning soccer practice until ten. After that he'd come home for lunch. The exhibit opened at eleven, but her concerns about there being a line fell on deaf ears, since Takeru claimed he knew this museum and it was never crowded. (Which didn't do much to mitigate her concerns about the exhibit being any good.) So the earliest she could convince him to catch the train was ten fifteen. So if she left right at ten and headed directly to the station, she ought to be able to miss her brother coming home completely.

It felt like fate was laughing in her face when she ran into him on her way out.

Her shock was mirrored on his face as they both stood in the doorway, staring at each other as if unable to understand why their biological sibling would be there, in their childhood home.

Taichi spoke first, if speech it could be called. "Uh," he said.

"Oniichan," she stammered back, "why - how - you got home fast."

"Yeah... Yamato was having band practice and he gave me a ride on the scooter," Taichi replied.

Hikari kept her mouth shut. Had Yamato orchestrated this? Was Takeru in on it? She knew it wasn't likely in either case, but her hackles were raised. "Oh," she said.

They continued to stand in the doorway. This was, Hikari reflected, the longest conversation they'd managed to keep going in almost a month.

"You... going somewhere?" Taichi asked after a while, tilting his head and looking up and down.

"Museum. With Takeru-kun."

"Oh. Well, have fun."

"Thanks."

As if suddenly realizing he was blocking the exit, Taichi stepped to the side, and Hikari barely restrained herself from running down the hall. The damage was done, though. The minute the elevator door closed, the tears started leaking down her face. Dammit. She'd been so careful.

She'd had to stop off at a nearby convenience store to hide in the restroom. She splashed her face and dabbed her eyes with her hand towel until they were less red, until the evidence of the havoc wreaked just by seeing her brother was hidden under a fresh layer of make-up. She never even wore make-up much before - after all, she was fourteen and blessed with good skin. Dating Takeru had been a convenient excuse to explain to her mom why she suddenly needed extra allowance for concealer, despite having no acne.

She wound up ten minutes late meeting Takeru and still, he could tell right away that something was wrong. She'd managed to deflect, but...

Hikari had never been any good at lying, even to herself. But she was surprised by her own cruelty, dating Takeru because she needed the distraction, an excuse to be anywhere but home. His feelings for her were genuine. She was a monster.

"Hikari-chan?" Takeru gave her a nudge that jolted her into the present. There was, indeed, no line to get in at the art show, and Takeru was trying to hand her a ticket. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

She nodded resolutely. "Yeah, of course."

"It's just, you're being kind of quiet."

"Well, sorry but I'm not a professional entertainer."

He didn't reply to that barb. Hikari felt even more miserable. If only Yamato's stupid motor scooter had broken down on the road...

They handed in their tickets and went through a pair of double doors, into a wide room lit by myriad streamers of blue and purple lights wafting on the air like strange, hypnotic jellyfish. No pictures were allowed, so Hikari kept her camera stowed, but she couldn't bring herself to regret it. Any pictures she tried to take while in such a stormy mood were bound to end up in the trash bin anyway.

They followed the path laid out through fiber-optic tallgrass in silence. Takeru was still gripping her hand, even though her own hung like a dead fish. The next section was a blacklight room with an even more obvious sci-fi vibe, bright cables painted brilliant colors in the impression of sea snakes creating circuitous archs on the walls and ceiling. The heat-sensor flooring lit under their feet as they walked.

Takeru leaned towards her, the blacklight setting his white T-shirt aglow. "This is like some disco-era alien planet," he joked, offering her the olive branch.

Well, she owed it to him not to let this date be a total disaster. "The room before reminded me of the tree in Avatar," she said.

"I bet the next one's gonna be something from Fifth Element."

"No way."

"Could be."

"Completely different aesthetic."

"It's gonna be that giant McDonald's sign made of stained glass. Wait and see."

It wasn't, of course. Takeru continued to insist they'd see the sign in the next room, and the next, until they reached the end of the exhibit, where he finally admitted defeat. At least room four had clearly been lifted from Finding Nemo, he said.

The final room was, in fact, an open space with white walls, but Hikari didn't notice any stomach-turning smells. A combination of 2- and 3D works of art were mounted around the room, and they took their time browsing, continuing to try to outwit each other with their increasingly outlandish, and even somewhat insulting, art critiques. It was a lovely show, Hikari thought. If she'd come to see it in a better frame of mind, she would be raving just now. But though she'd recovered her ability to match Takeru quip for quip, she still felt heavy with gloom. Geez, why did he want to date a rain cloud like her?

"Want to go for lunch?" Takeru asked as they took in the last piece of art, an abstract mosaic made of vibrant, blinking lights laid into a glass frame on a large tabletop. Hikari circled it slowly, watching lights ripple across the frame, stitching the full picture together bit by bit.

"Sure."

"There's a cafe my mom and I go to nearby. It does amazing pancakes."

"Sounds good," she said vaguely, her brow creasing in thought. She took a step back, gazing at the table from what she'd discovered was meant to be the foot, where you could see the picture in full if you craned your neck just so.

It wasn't abstract art. It was Ordinemon.

Her whole body stiffened.

"The orange marmalade pancakes are my favorite - you listening?" With a confused look, Takeru glanced from her unchanging expression to the table. His eyes went wide. "... Let's leave, Hikari-chan."

He gave her arm a tug. She didn't budge.

"Hikari-chan, there's no need to stay here. Come on."

"Why," she said. It came out in a harsh whisper, like a frozen wind. "Why would someone make art of... that."

Takeru didn't answer for a minute. "Because... they saw it," he said after a while. His grip on her arm tightened, as if expecting her to try to break away. "So they want to express what they saw."

"It's an abomination," she choked out. Humiliating tears welled up in her eyes.

Takeru seemed to hesitate. Then he stepped back, and his arms circled round her shoulders, locking her in a tight hug from behind. The warmth of his body flowed into her ice cold one, solid, real. Her mind flashed to another day, with a roiling sky black as night, when she'd come to in an unfamiliar bed with Takeru at her side and known, with a rush of deadly certainty, that she'd destroyed everything she ever cared about.

Her brother. Her beloved partner. Her friends.

By her own will.

She didn't know what she'd done. Or how. That almost made it worse, the not knowing. Her heart broke, watching her brother disappear in the earthquake. That was all. Her heart broke and she... stopped. And when she started again -

It was too late.

Tailmon had told her she didn't regret the fusion with Meicrackmon, that she'd been able to hold poor Meicoomon together, just a little longer. There was nothing for Hikari to regret, she said. Powers beyond her control. Yggrasil and Homeostasis felt they could wage their little war and pick their champions, and dispose of them when they felt like it. No sooner had she shaken off Homeostasis's hold over her that Ordinemon happened.

Hikari hated that once upon a time, she'd believed Homeostasis was a benevolent presence. That she'd willingly let her into her mind.

Now she didn't know what to believe.

Rage flared, hot as ice. Her whole world, none of it made sense anymore. She was adrift, she was unmoored, there was no safe harbor, not even in the brother who she loved like no one else. He could make a choice like that, to kill Meicoomon, to kill their friend's irreplaceable partner. The one person who deserved the most to be saved. And she'd helped, because that was what you did, on a team, at least, if you couldn't come up with a better plan yourself.

She realized she was shaking. Takeru only held her tighter, his nose buried in the crook of her neck.

"Hikari-chan," he said, and he sounded - terrified. "What if - what if it's not, though. What if it's not an abomination. What if..."

"How can you say that," she hissed frostily.

"I mean - I'm not saying it was good. I'm not saying I don't wish none of this had happened. But - I think - Ordinemon, she was created from despair, yours and Meicoomon's. She was used, and it tortured her. We freed her from that. She would have destroyed everything, even though it's not what she wanted, and she was in so much pain -"

"Stop!" Hikari yelled, pushing away from him. There was enough strength behind her need to get away and he was not expecting it, so he toppled to the floor while she raced out the exit. She kept running, hardly aware of dodging people on the sidewalk, and ran until she found herself in a small park with nothing but a two-seater swing set and metal slide. She sank into one of the swings and dropped her head in her arms. And cried.

Cried for Meiko, for Meicoomon. Cried for the future they would never have.

Cried for her brother, who had changed, and she understood why, but she still missed the way he used to be. Her guiding star.

Cried for herself, a lost comet streaking through an unfamiliar galaxy, wondering if she would vaporize shooting too close to an alien sun, or if she'd putter out slowly until she was nothing but lifeless, crumbling stone.

Her phone buzzed in her purse - Takeru, surely, trying to find her. On top of everything else, she'd ditched the boy she was stringing along, who cared about her, and who had tried so hard to let her know she wasn't alone. She didn't deserve Takeru. She would break up with him - she had to. He should be with someone stronger than her, who wasn't going to fall apart at the seams just from a silly piece of art at a museum gallery.

After a while the sobs let up enough that she could see without tears clouding her vision, and she figured she should at least let him know she was okay. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her messages.

12:35: Takaishi Takeru: i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to upset you.

12:35: Takaishi Takeru: where did you go? someone said you ran past the 7-11 but I have no idea where you went from there

12:37: Takaishi Takeru: please tell me where you are. If you don't want me to come, I won't. I can call someone if you want.

12:38: Takaishi Takeru: I just want to know you're okay

12:40: Takaishi Takeru: hikari-chan PLEASE respond

12:45: Takaishi Takeru: I asked at the 7-11 but they said they didn't see you. am walking around aimlessly now. no idea where to look.

12:48: Takaishi Takeru: hikari-chan if you don't reply soon I'm gonna have to call Taichi-san

12:52: Takaishi Takeru: wound up back at the train station, if you want to meet me here.

12:55: Takaishi Takeru: if you don't respond in five minutes I'm calling Taichi-san, I mean it.

12:58: Takaishi Takeru: I love you, by the way. think I always have. thought you might want to know

Fresh tears pricked her eyes. Leave it to Takeru. How could he pick now to spring that on her?

She should be happy. She wanted to be happy.

13:02: Me: I'm okay. I'm sorry. Go home. I'll talk to you soon.

Her finger hovered uncertainly over the keypad. She typed:

The real abomination is me.

Then she deleted it, and pressed Send.

---

Little though she wanted to go home, Hikari didn't have an excuse for staying out past dinner. She stayed in the little park until it started to get chilly. A couple times, the occasional grandma stopped to ask if she was alright, but she smiled and waved away their concerns. Finally, when twilight fell over the park in a gossamer curtain, she stood and stretched out the kinks in her back before heading back to the station. It felt like she'd been out much longer than a few hours. She thought briefly of asking a friend if she could spend the night, but didn't like the idea of needing to pretend to be peppy and cheerful.

On the ride back, she did a search on the artist who'd made the Ordinemon mosaic. Why, she had no idea. Some self-hating side that wanted her to hurt, she guessed.

The artist's name was Matsuyama Risa, a Tokyo-based sculptor, whose partnership with Fujii Fiber-optics had given birth to the displays they'd seen today. Hikari let her eyes skim the article, categorically uninterested in the number of lights used or how they were installed. What she wanted to know appeared like magic, tacked on at the very end of the article.

Art of Nippon Now: The last room in the showcase features a magical light-up mosaic of a subject that could be disconcerting for some viewers. What led you to recreate the monster that much of Tokyo watched terrorize the sky last month?

Matsuyama: I put that piece together in a feverish rush. Most of these installations took weeks to install, but I insisted on this one, even though it was such short notice. I had to have it. I heard that many people never saw more of her than her massive wings, but I happened to have a very clear view at the time. It made a huge impression on me.

ANN: You said her?

Matsuyama: It was a she. Or, perhaps it's better to say she might not have a gender,  but she deserves better than the pronouns we use for inanimate objects, things without personality.

ANN: Are you saying this monster was a person?

Matsuyama: I don't know if you heard her cries, but they were deafening. They reminded me of how my son wailed in the night when he was first born. We didn't know why he was so colicky. Nothing we did calmed him. I was so afraid that he wasn't getting enough sleep. It turned out he was very sick and we just didn't know. The illness was hidden. We spent many nights in the ICU, holding out hope that he would be alright. I remember thinking, if he wasn't, it would destroy our marriage.

ANN: That sounds like a terrible experience.

Matsuyama: When our son died, it was terrible, but it also came as a relief. At least we knew he was no longer suffering. I was depressed for months. I couldn't make any art. Every day I expected my husband to leave me. The first day I pulled myself together enough to sketch something, he said I should sketch our son sometime.

ANN: So your husband didn't leave?

Matsuyama: No. He stayed by my side. When I cried that he deserved a woman who could make him happy, who would give him healthy babies, he told me I was the strongest woman he knew, and that I'd given him the best son in the world.

ANN: Wow - would that we all meet men like that.

Matsuyama: And women. That's why, although the creature that appeared over Tokyo was very frightening to look at, when I heard her cries all I heard was suffering. I thought, that is a real creature, who wants her pain to be understood. She represents something. Perhaps she was sent to show us the harm we do when we choose not to act to help others. She shouldn't be forgotten.

ANN: So you memorialized her in this mosaic?

Matsuyama: Yes. It was the right moment, even though I had no time. I wanted to recreate her likeness using lights. I set her into a table, because I felt that putting her on a wall would be too imposing, and viewers would only remember the fear she engendered. Lying down, it would seem as if she were in a coffin, finally laid to rest. But she's lit from within, and it's the light of life, desperately clinging on till the final moment, the same as any being with a soul.

ANN: Did you ever complete the sketch of your late son?

Matsuyama: No. I never did. But I think I will soon. I want to lay him to rest in my heart.

ANN: It's interesting that when you say 'lay to rest,' you seem to mean we should remember them.

Matsuyama: Our memories make us who we are. The past is always with us. My son, that creature, they are both part of my journey, as an artist of course, but also as a person in the world. You could say my son is the light of the world and that creature is the darkness, but I hold both light and dark in me, just by existing and being human.

ANN: You added a quote to the piece that said something of that nature.

Matsuyama: Yes, from a Walt Whitman poem, 'Song of Myself.' The quote reads: "I am not the poet of goodness only, I do not decline to be the poet of wickedness also."

ANN: Maybe Whitman never expected his poem to be used in this way.

Matsuyama: That's the nature of art. It is a journey in and of itself. It fluctuates and changes to nourish the times. I hope everyone who sees my art understands that they are on a journey as well, and everything they do creates the work of art called "the future."

ANN: Thank you for your time, Matsuyama-sensei.

---

Her brother was home, but her parents were not. The arrangement of shoes in the entryway said as much. Taichi was seated at the kitchen counter, eating a bowl of noodles and reading something. He looked up when the door opened and pushed his seat back.

"Hikari - you okay?" He peered at her, concerned. "Takeru didn't do something stupid, did he?"

So Takeru hadn't told her brother that she'd run off. Gratitude flooded through her. "No, of course not."

"Good." Taichi's hand rifled through his hair, the other planted on his hip, and he looked perplexed. "Then why do you look like you've been crying all day?"

Hikari walked inside and sank down on the couch. "Because I have been crying all day."

She could feel his hesitance as he wavered in the hall, trying to decide if he should press her for more. If that was still something he was allowed to do. She knew he would try. He wouldn't be Taichi if he didn't.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked, moving to sit on the arm of the couch, but he didn't relax, as if expecting her to tell him to leave her alone.

"No," she replied.

He nodded. "Okay." There was a pause. "You're sure Takeru didn't -"

"No, Oniichan."

"Okay, okay."

She sat there for a few minutes, staring blankly at the black TV screen. Soon Taichi slid off the arm into the seat beside her, allowing several inches of space between them. He didn't try to talk anymore. Didn't even get up to bring his bowl of noodles over, even though it was going to get cold.

Hikari tilted her head ever so slightly to peer at him. Dark circles ringed his eyes. She knew he hadn't been sleeping well. Something about his face looked more defined, less roundness to his jaw, starker cheekbones. Hadn't been eating much either, she guessed. It gave him an oddly grown up look. She would have to call him on losing weight from not taking care of himself, but that could wait for later. She was struck by how little he looked like their father. Everyone always said Hikari was the spitting image of her mom, so it seemed natural that Taichi should take after their dad, but though she searched she couldn't find many similarities. Taichi was just Taichi.

He gave a start when she leaned toward him and settled her head on his shoulder, but didn't say anything.

Hikari thought about many things.

How unbearable it was to feel helpless. How much she wanted everyone who cared about each other to be together, and for no one to suffer who didn't deserve it.  How deeply she loved her friends. How easy it was fall apart.

Maybe all that meant was her worldview had been too delicate to begin with. A painting on a porcelain vase wouldn't stand the test of time unless handled with the best of care. The real world was too chaotic, too disordered. She could wrap her dream in newspaper, cover it in packing peanuts, tape it into a box marked "Fragile," and it would still end up in shards. She would try to put it together again, but the pieces were sharp, and she kept cutting herself on them.

She still wanted it. So, so much.

"You stay that way. You can hate me if you want," her brother had told her. Trying to put everything on his own shoulders, as usual.

"I will probably never forgive you," she'd said, and wouldn't let him. "But that's why I'll fight with you."

"Oniichan," She slipped off his shoulder, buried her face in his chest. She didn't know how she could still have more tears, but they darkened her brother's shirt as her hands hugged him tight. "I'll always fight with you."

Surprised, he didn't move for a moment, but then his arms wrapped around her the same way they always had, ever since she was small. His grip was sure, but not out of naivety. Yes, he'd lost his innocence. It wasn't coming back. But what grew in his place, she realized, was his choice. And she got the feeling he'd already decided.

"That's good to know," he murmured softly, lashes brushing her cheek, and she thought they might be wet as well. "Because I'm never going to stop fighting for you."

They held each other for a long time.

---

The next day, Hikari showed up at Takeru's door with flowers and a box of chocolates. He made a funny face, looking her over.

"Flowers and chocolates? Shouldn't this be reversed?"

"Didn't know you were such a traditionalist," she joked. "But I'll eat these myself if they hurt your manly pride."

A hesitant grin spread over his face. "To hell with convention. Those are my chocolates, keep your paws off them."

It was silly, and cliche, but this was her life. She could be as silly and cliche as she wanted. She pulled his shoulders down and kissed him. It was light and quick, but he still looked flustered when they parted.

"My mom's home," he said with an unmistakable note of regret.

Hikari only nodded. "Figured. Video games and chocolates?"

The grin unfurled for real. "Yeah, that would be great."

Nothing had ended. She hadn't gotten over anything. But she felt, for the first time, that now she could accept it. It was a piece of who she was, and it would be a piece of who she became. But just who that person would be, she intended to decide for herself. Even if her path got buried under mountains of broken shards of glass, that was just a part of being Yagami Hikari.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes)."

[one-shot-plus-size]

From Sons of Anarchy to Mayans MC

Jax's sister must hide from the revenge of SAMCRO enemies, goes to Mayans MC Santo Padre. And he catches the eye of a la presidente.

Chapters 4/20

Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language. They will accept any attention and criticism :)

Part 3

Charming

Pov Olivia

I went into my house, pulled out the phone and dialed Marcus' number.

- Tak mi reina ?

- Can we leave today ? - I walked into the bedroom.

- I can organize the guys within an hour. But are you sure ? - he took a breath.

- Yeah, Marcus, Jackson already chose. I'll be ready in an hour.

- Are you taking the motorcycle ?

- No, I'm just taking my clothes, nothing more.

- We'll be there in an hour.

- Thanks. I hung up.

I threw a sports bag on the bed, put the most necessary clothes into it. I packed my drawing equipment into the backpack, she had to keep working to earn money. I changed into a short sleeve shirt and dark denim pants. I put my harley davidson shoes on my feet. If Jackson wants to get rid of me, I will make it easier for him. I put all the things that tied me to SAMCRO on a bench in the living room. It was quite a lot, I fell down on the couch and stared at the gun. Jackson gave it to me when I became an adult. She wasn't wearing any Sons' emblems, nothing connected her to the club. I threw it in my bag and it might come in handy.

Pov Chibs

- I'll go to her, talk to her. You cannot part in an argument, then I will call you.

- Take care - he breathed - she will be angry.

- I know how to please her - I smiled slightly

- I noticed - he laughed.

I smiled slightly, ran down the stairs and went to my motorcycle. I fastened my helmet, sat on it and fired. I breathed deeply and all the way to her house I tried to prepare for the conversation. I had to keep calm so she would calm down too. I parked my motorcycle in her driveway, took off my helmet and hung it on the mirror. I fixed my hair and walked up to the front door. I knocked several times.

- Lass please - I moaned - I know you are mad at your brother but at least talk to me.

There was silence on the other side, I grabbed the handle. The door gave way under my pressure, I wrinkled my eyebrows. I pulled the gun from behind the belt, Olivia always closed the door, even when she was at home.

- Lass - I went inside.

I lit the light in the living room, looked around the room. My eyes stopped on the coffee table.

- I fucking growled - Olivia.

I checked the whole house, she was nowhere. I fell down on the couch in front of the table, looked through the things, grabbed the picture. She and Jackson were laughing while pushing, I remembered well when the picture was taken. It was one of the carefree days at the club, where we could afford to forget for a while. Olivia left here all her belongings, SAMCRO clothes, photos and even her phone. I even saw the chain I gave her for her birthday, the one she never took off. I pulled out the phone and dialed Jax's number. - It's good that you're alive, but something went fast - he laughed.

- I think I have some bad news from Jackie boy - I lost my hair.

- She kicked you out on your fucking face?

- Jackie, she left already.

- What ? - He was surprised.

- She left already, she left all her things at home. She left everything that connected her to the club and her family here. Club clothes, photos and even the chain I gave her for her birthday. Everything - I held back the tears.

- Maybe it's better - he pulled her nose - she was mad at me, if she cools down a bit I will call her. Somehow he will contact her, but now it's good. Go home.

- Sure - I hung up.

I looked at the pile of her things again.

- And I haven't been able to tell you - I've breathed - but I'll tell you when you get home.

I put the chain in my wicked pocket and left her house slamming the door behind.

On the way to Santo Padre

Pov Olivia

- You won't mind if I smoke ? - I looked at the driver.

- No - he twisted his head - smoke all you want.

I took out a pack of cigarettes from my jeans pocket. I played with the pack for a while, but finally I slipped the cigarette between my lips and lit it. I pulled myself tight and blew the smoke out the window. I leaned my elbow against the door and looked at passing cars on the highway. Motorcycles were roaring steadily, those behind and in front of us. Marcus was driving all motorcycles, El Presidente or El Padrino who preferred to call him. Mayans Northern Cali, I watched the surroundings. At this speed we should be there in about 9 hours, it will be a long 9 hours. After four we stopped the petrol station, the motorcycles parked in one row and the bus next to them. I got out of the car and dragged myself hard. I looked around and went to the station. I felt the guys' eyesight on me, but frankly, I didn't give a shit. Let them think what they want about me, let them feel sorry for me that my own family threw me out. I used the bathroom, then I bought chips, cigarettes and something to drink. On the way back to the car, Alvarez stopped me.

- Chica everything ok ? - he put his hand on my shoulder.

- What do you think ? - i looked at him - my own brother fired me from my family.

- Olivia - he breathed.

- He doesn't want to talk about it, ok ?

- Ok, he nodded his head.

I got in the car, started another cigarette and stared at one point. It was four o'clock in the morning so few people were hanging around the station and it was late on the highway. As soon as we entered Santo Padre, I got tense.

- Relax - Nathaniel smiled slightly - the guys are fine, you don't have to worry.

- Sure - I snorted under my nose.

- If something is not right, you can call me or Alvarez.

- Sure - I looked at him - thanks, I was able to manage between the Sons so I think I can manage here too.

- They are different - he drove into the driveway.

- Sure - I looked at him.

- You'll see for yourself that there are others, and then you won't want to go home - he smiled widely.

- I don't have a home anymore - I twisted my head - as if you hadn't noticed, I was fired from the last one.

- You have to believe that Jackson had a good reason.

- Sure, I nodded.

The big iron gate opened and we entered the club. On my right was a row of motorcycles, set up under a shelter that protected them from the sun. And yet they were shining anyway, armed with a lot of chrome. Nathaniel parked the car on the left side of the square, the man who opened it for us was wearing a club vest. Six feet tall with long dark hair tied in a ponytail.

- I hate this town already - I purr.

- What do you mean ? - Nathaniel looked at me.

- The heat will kill me - I breathed.

- You will get used to it - he smiled and got out of the car.

- Surely, I put my hair in a ponytail.

Pov Bishop

- Our star came - Taza improved his vest and left the club.

- Sure - I took a breath.

I left the club as the last one, everyone was standing on the porch and staring at one point.

- Move your assholes - I was growling.

The boys spread out, I went out on the front of those rams. And that was when I understood why they stopped. I was staring at a girl, or rather a woman who was fixing her shirt. Her long blue hair was pinned up in a ponytail, I moved my gaze across her body. Her full shape was emphasized by a blouse and dark denim pants, she had harley davidson shoes on her feet.

- I fucking murmured under my nose.

- That's right, old man - Taza patted me on the shoulder - we all drowned.

- Nobody said she was hot - Tranq smiled wide.

- If anyone gets hit on the head by it, I will personally skin it. Remember that it is J.T.'s daughter Teller and that way she is untouchable, you heard Angel ?

- I am not deaf - he looked at me and smiled.

- Reyes, do not test my patience.

- Don't you think that standing on the porch and arguing is not a good first impression - Taza smiled - Bishop do the honors.

- Sure - I fixed the vest.

I greeted Alvarez.

- Come let me introduce you to Hell.

- Hell ? - I was surprised.

- You'll see - he nodded his head.

- This is an Obispo Losa called Bishop. This is el presidente of this branch, Bishop is Olivia Teller, but commonly called hell.

- Pleased to meet you - I reached out my hand in her direction.

She hugged her gently, but quickly moved back.

- I think she wants to know why the hell - Taza spoke to me.

- This is Che Romero, vicepresidente.

- Taza, just Taza - he smiled wide - so why hell?

- There's nothing to talk about," she waved her hand.

- Oh well - Marcus smiled wide - no representative of any of the Sons Charters was able to beat her in the ring. And when she got pissed off, men three times bigger than her blew up.

- Jizas, el padrino please shut up already - she hit him slightly in the shoulder - you make me a monster that I am not.

- I will gladly face her in the ring - I heard the voice of older Reyes.

- Are you crazy? - I yawned at him.

- All right - she said - we drove all night, if you give me a rest and at least regenerate a little, I will gladly face him in the ring.

- If it is as padrino says, it is interesting how Angel will deal with failure - a smaller and thinner man smiled from ear to ear - I am Johnny Cruz but they call me Coco.

- Maybe I'll introduce you to the rest of this bunch - I smiled a little - Taza and Coco you've already met, this is Tranq El Pacificador, this is Creepera, he is our Road Captain. This is Riz El Secretario of our club. There stands Gilli and the Reyes brothers. Angel is the one who never knows how to hold his tongue and his younger brother prospect Ez. Don't stress out with time you'll get their names in your head.

- Sure - she looked at each of them.

- Prospect - I looked at him - take her things and show her the apartment.

Ez nodded his head, took her bag from the car.

- Are you sure you're a woman ? - He raised his eyebrows high.

- Yeah, that's all my stuff not related to Sons-- she snorted under my nose.

- Come on - Ez nodded his head at her.

Olivia smiled slightly and followed him with her backpack on her shoulder. I turned around behind her and looked at her tattooed hand, the tattoos were hiding under the sleeve of her blouse. And some of the tattoos were also sticking out from under the shirt on her neck. I was wondering where else I could find the paintings on her body. Something feels that we can expect everything from this woman. When she disappeared behind the door, I took a look at Angel. I supported myself with my fists on the sides.

- Really Angel? - I growled.

- What? - He was surprised.

- That's a woman's tattoo. I lit a cigarette.

- So ? - he frowned his eyebrows - if she's as good as Padrino says she'll manage.

- Don't worry Bish, she'll be fine. - Marcus patted me on the shoulder.

- He works with idiots - I was purring under my nose.

Part 5

[nosferatyou]

If I Can Be So Bold: Chapter 1 (Jack White x OC)

Summary: Rosalie and her band “By Elliston” move from Nashville to Detroit to continue their music careers and move away from their demons. Rosalie notices an unhappy face in the crowd of their first show, and is instantly drawn to him. While she doesn't mind that hes easy on the eyes she does mind his less than stellar attitude about their music. 

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: Drug use, language, and mentions of abuse.

Notes: Well this has been brewing for A WHILE. I’ve been everywhere deciding on a plot, but after tedious planning this is finally a reality. I hope the 5 Jack White fans on here enjoy this. This will be a series so strap in folks. We got young jack. we got old jack. we got everything in between. (also series names are hard) Enjoy! Appreciate all the research i did!

Chapter Two

“Do you want another?” 

He holds his hand above me, his dark eyes burning holes into me, he pulls back more as if ready to strike again. As if on command, I recoil from the movement, feeling smaller than I ever had.

My head shoots up, suddenly back in Zoot’s coffee house. I blink a couple of times, trying to wake myself up. I couldn’t remember what she asked.

“What?” I asked her, phasing back into reality again, and not what was a horrific nightmare.

Sat next to me was my best friend and singer in our band was Harry, or Harriet if you want to be technical. Her head was held high, and she was practically jumping out of her skin with excitement, she seemed more than ready for our first show in a new town.

 She moved one of her two shots in front of me and asked again. 

“Are you deaf, Lee? I asked if you wanted another shot before we go on.” 

I quickly sat up and grabbed it off the makeshift bar, anything to shake off what I was feeling. 

We clinked our drinks together, and she yelled out a toast over the crowd of people behind us. 

“To fresh starts and new stomping grounds!” 

We clinked our drinks and quickly downed them, both of us coughing from our burning throats, but as soon as we saw our red faces, we burst out into laughter. 

“We are horrible at shots, aren’t we?” I said in between wheezes of laughter.

“We truly are.” She paused and grabbed the bottle. “One more for good luck!.”

It seems like this is the night, if any, to drink. 

We’d just gotten to Detroit. Like just got here a week ago and are already booking shows. We all decided to move her for reasons I won’t mention, but I’ll just say that we needed to switch up our scene a bit. 

Our band “By Elliston” had grown pretty big in the Nashville scene, we played pretty frequently at the Exit/In. Which is not the biggest venue in the world, but it means something for the Nashville scene. I mean, we technically shared a stage with Muddy Waters and BB King, so that’s at least something to brag about.

 We were known in the Nashville punk scene and had made some significant headway, but thanks to shitty people and our big egos, we decided to move to Detroit. Known for its great music and cars.

 And here we are at Zoot’s Coffee shop, which is arguably a coffee shop honestly. Off a dark street, that no person with money would venture down, and the outside seems like nothing is out of the ordinary, it’s just a house on a street. But the inside. Its a home, its a coffee shop, and venue for anyone who has an instrument. 

Its packed wall to wall with people, barely any standing room, especially near the stage, which is just a raised corner of the living room. Its the perfect venue for any rock band. Small and loud.

We (being the band and me) all lived for music, and it is our life’s blood.

 I grew up in a very southern home and was always surrounded by music, thanks to my dad. Id never met a man who loves Johnny Cash more than him or country music for that matter. Cash would always play through the house, or Hank Williams, Waylon Jennings. That kind of thing. However, I can’t stand to listen to any of them now. Overplayed and over appreciated is what I always said.

 That did spark something in me. I started playing guitar, thanks to my dad… and then I picked up the bass and then drums. And so on and so on. The moral is that If you hand me any stringed instrument ill know how to play it.

The other girls. Jo, Harriet, and Ezra. All got into good music when they were in high school, which also when we all met. Thanks to the high school band or orchestra. I played violin, as did Jo and Harriet, Ezra played the stand-up bass and continues with the bass to this day.

 Now we’ve all moved on the from hot cross buns and into a world of rock and roll. We used to be terrible, covering a lot of Alice in Chains and Nirvana. 

Graduating class of ‘93 for all of us, and we lived in a world of grunge. Five years later and we’ve since moved on from our teenage ways. We’ve embraced the blues and everything around it. However, we get a bit heavier than our inspirations, with my heavy fuzz and Harriet’s raspy yelps. With the look of punk dads (a lot of fun button-ups, dark makeup, and Dr. Martens boot) and the sounds of 4 angry ladies, we tore up Nashville.

We played a lot of house shows, met many a band, lost many a group, met a dumb boy who won’t be named (its John), and had a lot of fun tearing up the Nashville scene. 

As we grew, we played bigger venues, the show of ‘96 at The End being the staple of our career. We’d never played as good as we did then, and none of us are convinced we’ll play as well as we did that night.

 Either way, we were thrust forward, and our movement grew, we were making money from our shows, plus we played bigger venues. The Exit/In and The East Room, to name a couple. Last month we felt we needed a change of scenery to grow. As incredible, the Nashville scene is, its also quite small. Few venues and fewer people. That’s the other girl’s excuse, at least. 

We scrounged up what we could, found an apartment here, and moved as soon as we could. Unlike the others, I had to burn some bridges to get here, but more will be made here. We scooped out the scene the moment we arrived and set up a show here, and we are all buzzing to perform again. 

“So, who are we opening for again?” I asked as we headed to our van to start and unload our gear. 

“The White somethings.” Jo absentmindedly answered, wrapping her jacket around herself for warmth.

Harriet quickly cut in, “The White Stripes, you mean.” Correcting her.

We all arrived at our shared van and started grabbing our mess of cables and cases.

Harriet continued, “I’ve been asking around all night about them, you know. To learn about the enemy and such.” 

Jo popped her head up from the front seat and asked, “When have you had the time to ask around? I was with you literally all night.” 

Harriet picked up her small load for the night and parked a seat on the car next to ours, lighting a cig while she sat.

“I have my ways.” She said, wiggling her eyebrows before taking a long drag.

“Anyways, here’s what I’ve learned. They’ve been around a year, the drummer learned when they got together, and guitarist leads the show.” She spoke with her ever-present dramatics, waving the cig around after every word. 

“They can’t be that good if the drummers new, and they’ve only been playing a year.” Said Ezra, who was effortlessly carrying what seemed to be the world’s most massive bass amp. 

“I don’t know, Z. It seems agreed that they know how to rock a room.” Harriet pipped up.

“What does it mean for us then?” Asked Jo who’s joint was lit and already in her mouth, and arms were full with various drums. Explains why she was digging around the front seat.

I quickly cut in, not about to let them get nervous over a baby band. “Absolutely nothing. We’ve got six years on them. These Detroit kids won’t know what hit them, we’re from music city for god’s sake.” 

“That’s the spirit, Lee!  Now get your asses inside so we can set up.” Harriet popped off the car and started walking towards the door, beckoning us towards her.

“Feel like helping us speed up the process, Harry?” Joked Jo.

“You’re big girls. I’m gonna go try and spot the enemy.” She yelled back to us.

“Oh, have fun, we will just be here carrying your band!” I yelled out.

“I knew I could count on you, darling!” She called out, throwing a wink and cigarette butt our way. 

When we had finally reached the stage, the already crowded room had doubled in bodies. While most bands would be shaking in their boots, it only spurred us on more. While we all have our fair share of disagreements, we have one thing in common. Our shared headspaces before a show. All ready to take on anything, and our confidence is unwavering. The bigger, the better. It’s honestly what’s kept us together this whole time. 

Now all eyes were on us, and it was a tough crowd, it was dead silent. The girls and I all exchanged a look and nodded. I always started us off. We had a set opener, it never changed and worked every time, but after that was a free for all. I usually took charge and just chose whatever I was feeling, but if not me, then Harriet. The other two just flowed with whatever we threw their way.

I always started first with the heavy riff, joined in by Ezra, then Jo, and finally Harriet. 

The riff is what pulled them in, and it was always quite the sight. I got fully into it every time. It was dark, straightforward, and full of fuzz and feedback. 

By the time Harriet joins in its mayhem, I speed up and play power chords. It’s not slow, but it’s not so fast that it’ll make your head spin. 

As the short show progressed, we felt like how we used to feel every night. Pure joy, which is what we all fucking needed. 

We improvised. I mashed up whatever songs I even threw in a little Stooges to thank the locals for letting us play. Though I did notice the gaze of one oddball in the back, who was just… watching.

 While that doesn’t sound weird, it was sure out of the ordinary. He sat in the back, arms crossed leaned against the wall. The whole mysterious boy schtick was down pact. He wasn’t scowling, but he didn’t seem happy. It was off-putting and kept my focus over towards that corner of the room, but didn’t hinder the performance. Maybe it fueled it. 

The show couldn’t have gone better, though. The crowd did not hide their whoops and hollers when we finished our last song of the set. I was already riding that performance high and will be for the rest of the night. 

“Thanks for a great first night, Detroit! We’re “By Elliston,” and we hope to see you next time!”

Screamed out Harriet for a final goodbye as we headed off the stage, their applause carrying us off the small stage. 

The moment we put down our instruments, we about took each other out, tacking one another to the ground.

 As tradition carries, after every show, we used to just aggressively group hug, but over time we’ve grown more and more… excited. At one of our last shows at The Exit/In, I accidentally knocked out Jo by slamming into her too hard. If that gives any frame of reference to what our dog piles look like now.

“Ladies. If every show goes somewhat like that here, I think we will rule this scene.” Ezra said from the bottom of the pile, her words garbled from the mass of bodies. 

“Alright, Lee, get your ass off the top, you’re gonna snuff me out down here.” 

Without much warning, she slid out from underneath us, and the rest of us went down to the ground, causing all of us to erupt in laughter. 

Once we all straightened ourselves out, we went to the van and had a celebratory cig, the first of many “celebratory” cigs of the night, 

To my right was Harriet leaning against the tail light, and Jo and Ezra were sitting in the van next to me. Harriet broke the silence.

“You know I missed this, Lee. I’m glad you’re back.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Har-” While talking I’d noticed three figures a few cars over walking to their own. My eyes widened in surprise. I grabbed Harriet’s arm suddenly and dragged her in with the rest of us.

“Shut up. It’s him.”

“What I wasn’t even talking-” she stopped and sat up to face, she wasn’t upset, but she sure looked confused. “Wait, who is “Him?” 

I looked around to check to see if he could hear. 

“I saw him when we were playing. He kept just… staring at me. It was weeeird.”

“Why’d you pull me in the car then??” 

“I panicked! It was just weird!” 

Ezra peaked her head out of the car in curiosity and asked. “Which one is it, the young blondie or the black-haired beauty?”

“Gah Jesus, not the child, Ezra! It’s the hot one.”

Harriet whipped her head out of the car to look at them, speaking a bit too loudly.

“Lee, you need to start off saying it was a HOT stranger! You have my interest now.”

“I’m going to kill both you. Get your dumbasses back in the car.”

We huddled back up, Harriet has a look in her eye that I don’t like.

“So, what’s the plan of action here, Lee?” Asked Harriet.

“Nothing. He’s a scowler. Sure a hot one at that, but if he can’t enjoy what we make, then what’s the point? When we played that stooges song, he looked like he was going to blow his top.”

“I think you’ve missed the point here, Lee. Point one,  You’re fresh out of a toxic sludge of a relationship. Point two, hot stranger. And finally. Point three, he’s a hot stranger in a band. I’m not passing up this opportunity.”

She gave us a wink, took a final drag of her cig, and hopped out of the car. She was going over to them.

“Harriet, you fucker don’t you dare,” I said with gritted teeth. “I’ve tackled you once today, and  I’ll do it again.”

She chuckled. “You’re all talk, kid. I’m off to make friends!”

“Bastard!” I yelled, leaping out of the car and towards her. I was too late, she just about ran over to them, and I was quickly in tow behind her. 

“Well, look at that, Lee! New people. Hi there, I'm Harriet, but you can call me Harry. and this is Rosalie.” She extended her hand towards the three strangers.

“Its Lee actually, she’s just an asshole.” 

All of them looked slightly taken aback. They were sure as hell wasn’t expecting her hand in their face, or two random ladies in their space. The newly named “hot stranger” was the first to speak up. He seemed rightly hesitant.

“I’m Jack, and this is my sister, Meg. This over here is my nephew, Ben. He’s our pinball wizard. Or Roadie in technical terms.” 

“Well, good to meet Y’all!” Once she shook ben’s hand, he spoke up. Man he was young. Was he maybe 16? Not over 18 is the point.

“You guys played a hell of a show. The Stooges? Blues? You’re going to give these two a run for their money.”

Jack shifted on his heels when ben mentioned this. Same face as before, and little less friendly than introductions.

“Well, its all that Tennessee blood in us. Now we arent from Memphis, but Nashville’s close enough, right?” Harriet winked at the kid. His cheeks flushed a deep red. 

Jack shifted his eyes back to me, but they wander somewhere else. 

I clear my throat, he snaps his head up and makes eye contact with me, a small smirk falls on his face. 

“Well, you all seem busy, so Harriet and I are going to go back over there. Have a good show.”

I grab her arm and try to drag her away casually.

“What the fuck are you doing?” She whisper yells to me. We find ourselves on the other side of our van, out of their sight.

“Lee, You have never been one to shy away from new people. Especially men. Remember us, fresh out of high school? You practically had a different man in your bed every night. That whole nervous persona is new. Go seduce a hot stranger!”

“Jesus, Harriet! Lower your goddamn voice! First off its Jack, And yes I know. Different times though. I’m not going to go over there in front of his sister and prepubescent nephew to try and get in his pants.”

“Aw, come on, Lee! It’d be fun! Plus, you need a fucking rebound, girl.”

“Okay, well, talk me into this when its not a family reunion.” 

“You got yourself a deal, Rosalie.”

We started to make our way back to the other girls.

“Alright, ladies, let’s go catch our headliner,” I said, opening the van doors. A plume of smoke rolled out of it the moment the doors opened. I grabbed the joint from Ezra, taking a hit before going inside. I handed it back to the faded bass player and headed back inside.

[taexual]

Eleven / Wonho x Reader

Your independence from the whole world and its chains is exactly what draws Hoseok to you. You’re the mystery he’s dying to unravel.

pairing: Lee Hoseok x street racer!Reader

warnings: strong language

words: 2.7k

ANON REQUEST: Can you make a scenario with Wonho in which he falls in love with a badaas girl

If it weren’t for Jooheon, Hoseok would have never set a foot here. A motorcycle street race was not something he imagined himself as a part of. Not because he had something against it, but rather because he found the sport to be too dangerous and, not to mention, illegal. Oh, and he wasn’t a big fan of being in the middle of a very drunk crowd, either.

“Want to make any bets?” Jooheon asked, getting his wallet out. He was completely clueless about his friend's discomfort.

Hoseok didn’t even want to get water here, thinking that all beverages were overpriced and smelled vaguely like pee anyway. He hadn’t come here to spend his money.

“No,” he said. “Do street races like this usually last long?”

“Define long,” Jooheon replied, getting a few hundred bills out. “The race itself will be over in less than twenty minutes. The after-party, on the other hand—”

“Please tell me we’re not going there,” Hoseok groaned. “These people look like they deal drugs for a—”

He shut up after a particularly burly looking man glared at him. Hoseok could stand his ground, but he didn’t really want to get into a fight with anyone today. Or any day, actually.

“The people here?” Jooheon asked him, cocking an eyebrow. “Are you stereotyping everyone who comes to motorcycle races?”

“I’m not,” Hoseok tried to defend himself. “I’m just saying, I’m not sure if it’s the right company for me. For us.”

“Wait here,” Jooheon said suddenly and then approached a tall guy with a black hoodie on. “Three on Eleven.”

Confused, Hoseok realized that the tall guy must have been the bookie here and Jooheon had just wasted three hundred dollars, betting on someone. Hoseok was groaning when his friend came back.

“Where were we?” he asked.

“Doesn’t matter,” Hoseok dismissed their previous conversation – mostly because he didn’t want to continue to try to explain how awful he thought the atmosphere here was. “Did you just seriously bet three-hundred dollars on a street racer?”

“I did,” Jooheon replied proudly. “I’m very confident and I’ve never lost with Eleven before. Eleven is my lucky charm.”

“What is this, Stranger Things?” Hoseok asked and watched the younger boy’s confused features before realizing a moment later that he didn’t get the reference. “Whatever. Where is this Eleven?”

Jooheon pointed at the street in front of them where racers were already putting their helmets on, their motorcycles next to them. “Right there.”

Hoseok squinted, his eyes scanning the numbers on the front of the bikes until he fount the eleventh one. The racer on it didn’t look like anything special, if he had to be honest, so he struggled to see why Jooheon betted on this one, specifically. He was about to ask, but every racer climbed on their respective bikes and Jooheon chuckled.

“It’s about to begin,” he said, an excited smile appearing on his face. “It’ll seem really loud at first, but you’ll get used to it soon.”

“What is their route?” Hoseok asked. “We’re at the start line, aren’t we?”

“Start and finish,” Jooheon explained. “The track is… sort of a circle. They follow the main street around the post building until they end up back here. All the interesting stuff happens right by this line.”

“What interesting stuff?”

“Well, you know,” Jooheon shrugged before continuing, “accidents.”

Hoseok gave him a horrified look. “Accidents is interesting stuff to you?”

Jooheon just nodded at the start line so Hoseok wouldn’t miss them opening their throttles before speeding off down the street. He turned his head just to see number eleven – Jooheon’s favorite, apparently – secure the helmet before climbing on the motorcycle as well. Hoseok watched every other racer get in position and then, less than thirty seconds later, the gunshot went off and Hoseok – after flinching – watched all fifteen racers step on it at the same time.

There was so much noise and smoke that Hoseok wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be covering up his eyes, or his ears. He tried to look around but the people around him weren’t doing either; instead, they were cheering.

Just as he was about to go deaf, or so it felt, he noticed three racers collide into the pavement in a loud crash, their bikes skidding down the street as the twelve others drove away, their motors still buzzing loudly no matter the distance. A few moments later, Hoseok felt himself get used to the noise – whether it was the screaming of the drunk people around him or the deafening purr of the motorcycles – but he still struggled to listen to the almost torturous screams of the drivers on the ground as the wheels of their bikes kept on spinning.

The three fallen racers scrambled to their feet – one of them fell over again before he even got to his motorcycle – and tried to get back on their bikes, but they were struggling and they obviously realized that the twelve others stood a much bigger chance of winning.

“Why are they even trying?” Hoseok asked his friend, yelling through the maddening noise. “They won’t win anyway.”

“They might come close, though,” Jooheon replied, equally as loudly. “There were a few instances when the racer who fell at the start line actually made it to the finish line first. I wasn’t here to see it personally, though.”

If Jooheon hadn’t seen it, then Hoseok wasn’t going to believe it. There was just no way for one of them to catch up to the other bikers and even beat them. And, after another few minutes, Hoseok’s thoughts were proven to be correct.

He could see all twelve of the first bikers in the distance already, speeding towards the finish line. The three other racers were still trying to catch up to them as the echo of their chortling engine reached Hoseok’s ears from the distance.

“Come on, Eleven!” Hoseok heard Jooheon encourage and he stood on his tippy toes to see better through the crowd of people. Did the racer Jooheon had betted on truly stand a chance to win?

Another few minutes later, they could see the racers clearly. There was a brutal fight going on at the front – Eleven was fighting off other racers left and right, the wheels of their bikes almost touching as they tried to drive past – but, sure enough, it was Eleven storming to take first place as the bike began to gain more momentum with just a few meters left to the finish line.

“There we go!” Jooheon elicited an excited scream, throwing his hands into the air. “Come, now! Come on, just a little bit more!”

It had to bee Jooheon’s enthusiasm brushing off on him, but Hoseok found himself rooting for Eleven, too. And then, just as the front wheel of her bike crossed the finish line a good two seconds before the other racers reached it, Hoseok screamed out cheerfully along with Jooheon and the rest of the crowd, too. Eleven truly had quite a fanbase here as the excited shrieks and jumps of victory all around him had Hoseok leaping up in joy as well.

“Fuck yes!” Jooheon exclaimed. “Never left me disappointed, that one! Another first place!”

“That was actually really cool!” Hoseok had to admit. “How long has he been racing?”

Jooheon stopped jumping up and down as he watched Eleven come to a stop. He turned to look at his friend, then, slightly confused.

“He?” Jooheon repeated Hoseok’s words. “What made you think it’s a “he”?”

“I—it’s not?” Hoseok’s eyes widened as he turned to the biker again.

That was the first time that Hoseok saw you. You had climbed off the bike, slowly taking your helmet off. Your short hair wasn’t waving in the wind as it would have in a rom-com, but Hoseok’s breath was already hitching. As you turned around, hanging your helmet on the handle of your bike, – something about the movement of your jaw as you effortlessly chewed gum while doing that almost made Hoseok swoon; you looked so badass to him in that moment, – you noticed your group of friends and headed towards them while the host of the race announced the results.

You didn’t need to hear them to know you’ve won. You haven’t lost a race once in all of the eight months that you’ve participated in street racing but some people still doubted you every time. Stupid of them, really. The others came here just to watch you win yet again.

You hadn’t caught sight of Jooheon yet – he wasn’t with your usual group of friends – but if you had, you would have noticed his wide-eyed friend following your every move.

“Close your mouth, Hoseok,” Jooheon warned him. “Don’t act like you’ve never seen a girl before.”

“Not like that I haven’t!” he said, his eyes still wide in shock. “Did you see the way she avoided the other racers right before she hit the pedal to reach the finish line? Fuck, that was intense! Or did you see the way she climbed off that bike after she won? Shit, I—oh, man! Do you know her? Can you introduce me?”

Jooheon hadn’t expected such enthusiasm from him. Obviously, Jooheon found you attractive as well but he’s never seen you in a romantic light before, perhaps because he knew you well enough to know he shouldn't waste his time trying to ask you out. Hoseok, on the other hand, had no idea.

“I will,” Jooheon said and then added as soon as Hoseok perked up, “if you tone it down a little.”

“I’m cool!” Hoseok said and then cleared his throat, wanting to get rid of the high-pitched voice, “I’m calm,” he tried again but then he felt himself smile uncontrollably. “Wow, okay, just give me a moment.”

Hoseok’s heart had never beat this fast before. He found you in the crowd again. Your name had been announced as the winner of the race but you merely smirked. God, did he find your dismissal of this victory attractive. It was like you expected to win but now that you had, you didn’t think much of it. You were truly unlike any other girl – or person, really – he’s ever seen before.

“Hoseok, seriously,” Jooheon said, noticing his friend’s interest. “Don’t expect too much from this. I’ll introduce you to her but don’t go overboard.”

“What’s overboard?”

“I mean don’t ask her out.”

Hoseok hadn’t really thought of it. He was content with just expressing his admiration for you but now that Jooheon had planted this seed in his head, he allowed his mind to wander into scenarios of a different nature. Going on a date with you and getting to know you not just as the street racer who took his breath away did sound very appealing.

“Why not?” he asked Jooheon while watching you talk to your group of friends. You didn’t seem particularly close to any one of them. “Is she taken?”

“Not as far as I know,” Jooheon revealed. “She’s not really into that type of stuff.”

“What stuff?”

Jooheon groaned, somewhat annoyed by his friend’s inability to catch up. He really had to forgive Hoseok for this, though, he was just completely distracted by your presence, even if you were more than a hundred feet away from him.

“She’s not into dating,” Jooheon informed him and that got the older boy to whip his head to look at him. “So far, I only know of one boyfriend that she’s had and it didn’t end well. He wanted too much from her and he expected her to be someone else.”

Knowing how unnecessary this comment was, Hoseok still couldn’t stop himself from saying it, “I wouldn’t do that to her.”

“Right,” Jooheon snorted. “‘Not all men are the same.’ Try to say that in front of her and see what happens.”

Hoseok was genuinely intrigued now. “Just introduce us, please.”

If Jooheon wasn’t going to do it, Hoseok was going to do it himself. But right as he was turning his head to look at you again, Jooheon cleared his throat, grabbing Hoseok’s arm and stopping him.

“Wait,” he said when Hoseok looked at him expectantly. “Don’t put too much of your heart into this. I’m serious. She’ll break it.”

Weirdly, a shiver ran down Hoseok’s spine. “That’s… a warning I didn’t expect. But no need for that, I’m not even thinking that far, I just want to meet her and—”

“Meet whom?” a voice asked and both boys turned to look, startled. There you stood, smiling, already having grabbed your helmet and the keys of your bike. “Betted on me, I hope, Jooheon?”

“Of course,” Jooheon said, releasing his friend’s arm now that you had approached them. “You were amazing as always. Uh, this is my friend, by the way. Hoseok. It was his first time at a street race.”

“Pleasure,” you said, nodding at him. He was about to extend a hand for you to shake but he decided against it. You were glad. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Not at first,” Hoseok admitted, trying to resist the urge to smile as soon as you looked at him. You had such a cold gaze, he couldn’t help but wish to find out what lied beneath your icy exterior. “I found being here rather uncomfortable at first. But the adrenaline got to me eventually. You were awesome, by the way.”

“Thanks,” you said, your face looking just as unaffected as it had when you were announced as the winner. You truly were a difficult case and Hoseok was all the more intrigued. “You two will be heading to the after-party, I’m assuming?”

“Oh, actually, I think Hoseok mentioned not really feeling up for it—”

“I changed my mind,” Hoseok cut his friend off quickly. “I’d love to go.”

Squinting slightly when you looked at him, – you tried to figure out if he was hitting on you shamelessly just like everyone else was or if he was sincerely interested, – you nodded. “Cool. See you there, I guess.”

You walked away without saying another word and, for the first time in his life, although he was left with no promise of actually seeing you again, Hoseok was still smiling.

“She really got to you just like that, didn’t she?” Jooheon asked him, truly amazed by how little you had to do in order to get Hoseok to watch your every move as you walked away from them.

“Do you think she’d give me an autograph?” Hoseok asked. “I just really need a reason to talk to her again. Or should I ask her to teach me how to ride a motorcycle?”

“Maybe don’t do either,” Jooheon suggested. “Come on, let’s go. I’m going to get my money and then we can head to the party if you really did change your mind.”

“Is she going to be there?”

“She usually is.”

“Well, then I really did change my mind.”

Jooheon rolled his eyes. “Be a little harder-to-get, will you?”

“Why? Is that her type?”

“She doesn’t have a type,” he replied, finding Hoseok’s seemingly endless questions a bit tiring. He’s never seen him this infatuated with anyone before, so he didn’t quite know how to handle that. “But if you’re following her around like a lost puppy, she’ll just feel sorry for you.”

“So, should I like—”

“Leave her alone? Yeah, probably.”

Hoseok gave him a look. “I don’t want to. She’s so interesting. There are so many secrets in her eyes.”

“God, don’t tell that to her. You’re trying too hard—”

“But I’m serious!” he didn’t let Jooheon interject. “Please tell me more about her.”

“I told you not to get too invested,” Jooheon warned again but Hoseok’s mind was too busy replaying each word you’d said to him. “You’ll get your heart broken.”

“Oh, I heard you the first time,” Hoseok replied. “But after I met her, I’m not sure I really care about that.”

masterlist / ask (requests are closed)

[byuneebuns]

Fenced In (Part 11)

Chanyeol/Baekhyun x Reader College AU

Rated: M for Smut

Tags: NSFW, Alcohol Use, Smut, Angst, Mild Fluff, Slow Burn, College AU

Author’s Note: Sorry about this. Also next update will be a little slower, probably two weeks-ish. I’ve got a lot of stuff going on this month but I’ll do my best.

Fenced In Mini Masterlist

“Are you sure that I look okay?” You whispered, nervously picking at your fingernails as you followed Hani up the driveway to the single family home that was your destination. You could hear the loud music and talking from outside and you were amazed that the neighbors didn’t seem to mind.

Hani glanced at you over her shoulder, smiling gently.

“You look amazing, and I’m offended that you think I would have let you come out with me looking anything less than that.” She said, reassuring you for what had to have been the tenth time since you got in the cab. 

You were beyond thankful that Chanyeol hadn’t been home to bear witness to your groaning as Hani forced you to be her dress up doll. She had clearly planned this since she’d brought several changes of clothes, for herself and for you, and an entire arsenal of makeup. You usually wore the bare minimum and should have known better than to think she would let you get away with that tonight.

You had eventually been forced into a strappy backless blood red bodycon dress and nude heels, your hair was in loose waves and you were wearing enough eyeshadow that you took comfort in the assumption that no one would be able to recognize you under it. You didn’t look bad by any means, if anything you were impressed at how nice you looked, but you didn’t feel like yourself and it was a little unnerving. You weren’t a big fan of alcohol but you were eager to get a drink and some liquid courage in your system to counteract your nerves.

When Hani opened the front door the dull roar of the party became an unbearable cacophony of sound. The bass from the music seemed to make the walls themselves vibrate. There were bodies everywhere, swaying to the beat as if possessed. Thankfully everyone seemed too absorbed in whatever they were doing to even notice more people were joining their ranks. Hani grabbed your hand to keep you from getting separated as you navigated your way through the sea of bodies towards the kitchen.

“Where’s your friend?” You shouted over the din. Hani shrugged and shook her head and continued dragging you by the hand. When you reached the kitchen the noise had subsided slightly, enough to talk comfortably. There were still altogether too many people and too much noise, but it was at least tolerable. Hani was bent over the counter, mixing unknown liquids from different bottles into cups. She turned to you, thrusting one of the cups at you. You sniffed it gingerly, wincing at how strong it smelled, and took a hesitant sip. She laughed at the sour look on your face and took a sip of her drink as well, her expression mirroring yours.

“Sorry, I’m not the best at making things taste good but at least it gets the job done right?” She said through her laughter. You rolled your eyes, smiling and taking another sip of the disgusting concoction your friend had brewed and hoping it would kick in fast so this entire situation would be slightly more bearable.

“Jongdae!! Over here!” Hani suddenly shouted at the top of her lungs, waving her free arm wildly. A boy of average height with short black hair sauntered towards you. His eyes and lips both had a natural upward curve, giving him a permanent expression of bemusement. His cheekbones were impossibly high, making him almost fox-like in appearance. He had the face of someone you couldn’t possibly dislike, friendly and open.

“Hani! Thanks for coming. Sorry for all the noise, Jongin went a little overboard.” He yelled, pulling your friend into a bone-crushing hug.

“It’s good to see you! This is my friend, the one I told you about,” Hani yelled back, gesturing to you. You smiled politely and waved, trying your best to politely introduce yourself despite the noise.

“Yah, Hani, you didn’t say your friend was so cute!” Jongdae yelled, making you sputter a little on your drink.

“She’s not cute, she’s perfect and that means she’s out of your league. Better luck next time, Jongdae.”

You laughed behind your hand as Jongdae exploded in a fit of whines and complaints. You could feel the alcohol starting to warm your body and dull your senses, just enough to make the noise level less abrasive and ebb away at your self-consciousness.

“I’m sorry, but can you tell me where to find the bathroom?” You asked, interrupting Jongdae’s latest grievance.

“Use the one upstairs!”

“I’ll go with yo-”

You raised a hand to stop Hani, shaking your head.

“I’m fine, you stay here! I’ll be right back.” You smiled, trying to reassure Hani. You wanted her to have a good time, even though you’d put up a fight to come in the first place. She nodded once and turned back to Jongdae, resuming her teasing.

You made your way back through the living room, weaving through the people dancing, finding yourself subconsciously shaking your hips as well. You drained the last of your cup, dropping it in a trash can in the corner of the room and started ascending the stairs. Your body was buzzing pleasantly from your drink and the heavy bass and you were glad that you came.

Maybe college parties aren’t the worst thing in the world, I’ll have to tell Hani that later.

You could already practically hear the excitement of her response already. She was always nagging you about going out with her more often.

The second floor was much quieter and much darker than the one beneath it, clearly intended to be off-limits to the majority of people in attendance. You were eternally grateful to Jongdae for letting you come up here, especially after seeing the absurd line for the bathroom in the main hall downstairs.

You squinted through the darkness at the hallway. Jongdae’s directions had been rather vague. There were four doors, all of them closed. You briefly admired that college students could afford to live in such a nice house and made a mental note to ask Jongdae how many roommates he had before you decided to feel envious of his living situation. You decided to start with the door at the end of the hall, straight ahead.

You stopped dead in your tracks when you heard a cry come from one of the doors on your right.

“Baekhyun!”

You inhaled sharply, suddenly feeling faint. Against your better judgement you walked up to the door, intending to press your ear to it, and found it wasn’t shut all of the way. The door swung open at your touch, revealing a very naked Baekhyun pounding in to an unknown woman he had bent across the foot of the bed. His face was beautiful as always and contorted with pleasure, one hand entwined in her hair and pulling her head back, her back arching, the other gripping her hip roughly and pulling her backwards to meet the relentless snapping of his hips. His breath was coming in short gasps and the room was filled with the lewd mingling sound of flesh on flesh, curses, and moans.

You gasped, frozen in place and unable to process what you’d stumbled across in your drunken state. You felt warmth pool between your legs, arousal mixing together with sadness and anger, but you couldn’t take your eyes off of where Baekhyun’s length was disappearing over and over. 

Now you knew why he hadn’t been texting you; he seemed a little busy.

“What the fuck? Get out, bitch.”

You continued staring, unperturbed by the woman’s outburst, mind reeling and feet rooted to where you stood. Baekhyun’s head turned towards the doorway, unaware of your presence until then, and you watched the recognition dawn on him, shock overtaking the lust painted on his features. His mouth was hanging open, unable to make sound, and his eyes were bulging.

“Are you deaf? Baekhyun, do something.” The woman whined, clenching the bed sheets with her hands and craning her neck to look at him as much as the fist he had in her hair would allow.

When he uttered your name it was like the spell holding you in place was broken and you ran at full speed, abandoning the bathroom trip altogether, taking the stairs two at a time. Your politeness was long forgotten as you shoved your way through dancing couples, biting your lip to keep the tears you felt forming at bay.

Even intoxicated you felt nothing but foolish and miserable. You barely knew Baekhyun and didn’t have any claim to him, he wasn’t your boyfriend and you had no right to be this upset and you knew that, but it was jarring to watch him with another woman nonetheless. You felt a stab of anger and betrayal as you remembered how gentle and sweet he’d been with you before you’d slept together, only to disappear before you woke up and avoid you afterwards. Maybe that was just the kind of guy he was. That had to be it.

You bit your lip harder, now caught somewhere between self-pity and rage, your emotions erratic and heightened by the alcohol.

You found Hani exactly where you’d left her, using Jongdae as a springboard for her witticisms. You tugged at the hem of her sleeve and she turned, taking in your obvious distress with concern.

“What happened to you? What’s wrong?” She asked, pulling you into her arms while Jongdae watched, confused. You choked back a dry sob, still fighting to keep from crying, and struggled to find words to describe what you’d witnessed on your excursion.

“I’ll tell you later. I know you’re an awful bartender but will you make me another drink? I have some things I’d like to forget.”

She pulled away from you, her eyes searching your face. Finally, seemingly satisfied with what she found, she nodded once and set about making you another drink. You avoided Jongdae’s stare, your original self-consciousness returning.

“I know that I don’t know you well, but if something bad happened to you in my home I’d like to know about it and make it up to you if I can.” He whispered, rubbing your back soothingly. You hadn’t even noticed that he had moved closer to you. You turned to him, mustering a smile.

“Thanks, Jongdae. It’s nothing, really. But thank you.” You whispered back, patting his shoulder. He smiled sweetly and nodded, his hand leaving your back to playfully ruffle your hair. Hani turned around, handing you a full plastic cup that somehow smelled worse than it’s predecessor but you were well beyond caring. You took a long swig, the contents burning away your feelings.

“I think I’m going to go dance.” You announced, turning to leave but stopping when Jongdae’s hand found your shoulder again.

“We’ll come with you! I can introduce you to some of my roommates if we can find them.” His smile was bright and genuine but clearly laced with worry. Hani nodded in agreement, her face strained. They each put an arm around your shoulders, guiding you to the living room turned dance floor. You froze when you saw a familiar figure descending the stairs, head swiveling in search of something.

“Oh, hey, there’s one of my roommates now. Yah, Baekhyun! Over here!” Jongdae yelled before you could stop him. Baekhyun’s eyes met yours for the second time that night and the horror from before still hadn’t left them. He hurried towards you, fighting against the people crowding the foot of the stairs.

“Hani, I have to go. I’m sorry. I’ll explain later.” was all you managed before you untangled yourself from your companions and bolted towards the front door, pulling out your phone and dialing the cab company’s phone number. You stumbled out of the door into the night, blood rushing as the phone rang. You downed the rest of your drink in one gulp, setting the empty cup on the porch.

“Come on, hurry up, please.” You muttered to yourself. Your foot was tapping the pavement impatiently and you couldn’t help nervously glancing towards the front door, unsure of who would have pursued you but that someone surely must have.

You yelped when your phone left your ear, forcibly taken from you by someone that appeared unnoticed from the shadows on your right while you’d been watching the front door. You glanced over, your terror replaced by confusion when you registered the identity of your new companion.

“Chan...yeol...?” You asked in disbelief, staring up into the face of your roommate.

“You’re crying.” He said quietly. Your hand flew to your cheek and you were astonished to find that he was right, you wondered how long you’d been crying without realizing it.

“What happened?” He asked, his voice impossibly soft. Before you could answer him the front door opened with a clatter and Baekhyun tumbled out of it, panting. Chanyeol’s expression hardened.

“Please, wait.” Baekhyun started forward but Chanyeol moved in front of you, blocking you from view.

“I’m taking her home.” He turned to you and you nodded in confirmation, refusing to meet Baekhyun’s eyes.

Chanyeol put his hand on your lower back and guided you away from Baekhyun, who surprisingly remained quiet. No one spoke until you got to the end of the long driveway.

“I’m not going to ask you to tell me what happened, not unless you want to. Is it okay for me to take you home? Did you come here alone?” Chanyeol asked, his voice gentle in stark contrast to the tone he took a moment ago.

“I want to go home. I came with my friend, she’s still inside and she knows I’m leaving. We took a cab here together.”

As if on cue your phone rang, Hani’s name flashing on the screen.

“Where are you? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Your heart twinged at the panic in her voice and you did your best to keep your voice steady and normal.

“I’m fine. I’m still outside. I ran into my roommate and he’s going to take me home. I’m really sorry but something came up and I...can’t be there anymore. I’ll pay for your cab fare to make it up to you.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Don’t sweat it. Jongdae is going to let me stay in his spare bedroom. Are you sure you’ll be okay going home with your roommate? You had a lot to drink.”

You flushed, understanding what she was implying.

“Yes, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, good. Can we meet up tomorrow and talk about everything?” You could practically hear relief oozing through the phone.

“Of course. I’m sorry again, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You said your goodbyes and turned to Chanyeol who was doing a poor job at pretending he hadn’t been eavesdropping.

“Sorry about that. You really don’t mind taking me home?”

He smiled and shook his head.

“Not at all. I didn’t want to come in the first place and this gives me the perfect excuse to leave early.” He laughed as you continued walking down the street together, stopping in front of a jet black motorcycle parked against the curb.

You looked at Chanyeol quizzically, stunned into silence when he pulled out a set of keys and started unlocking the bike.

“Have you ever ridden one before?” He asked, handing you a helmet, amused by your disbelief. You shook your head and he laughed again.

“Well I’m sorry to have to ruin your hair but this is how I got here tonight.”

“I didn’t know you rode a motorcycle.” You blurted out stupidly.

“Well it wasn’t exactly on my renter’s agreement that I had to disclose my modes of transportation to you.” He shrugged, donning his own helmet and climbing onto the front of the motorcycle. He patted the seat behind him, waiting for you to join him. You tugged at the hem of your dress, cursing how short it was.

“I don’t think modesty will really work too well. Don’t worry, no one will see. Just hold on to me as tightly as you can, okay?”

You followed his instructions, praying he couldn’t feel the lingering dampness between your legs from what you’d witnessed earlier as your short skirt slid up your thighs. You donned the heavy helmet and wrapped your arms around his torso, your breath catching at how intimate this felt when the roar of the engine startled you out of your fantasy, making you jump again.

Chanyeol turned to look at you over his shoulder and you nodded, letting him know that you were ready, and the two of you were off, flying through the starless night, the wind searing your skin as leftover tears burned your cheeks.

***

“Hey, be careful-” Chanyeol’s strong arms caught you as you tripped over your own feet trying to kick off your heels in the entrance of your shared apartment. His back hit the closed front door with a hard thump as your chest fell against his. The alcohol you’d had before leaving the party was finally catching up to you and you were unsteady on your feet. Your body felt hot and you weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or the sudden proximity to the man you’d been trying desperately to avoid for weeks. 

His arms were circled around your hips to keep you steady and you were pressed into his broad chest, your hands resting on his stomach. You looked up at him, your cheeks flushed and your breathing heavy. He was faced away from you, staring at a spot on the ceiling, his face red.

“Chanyeol....” Your voice was breathy, it sounded like it belonged to someone else. Alcohol had emboldened you and being in his arms just felt so right. The air was thick when he finally faced you, his eyes hooded and dark. Neither of you spoke.

Your hands slowly slid up his chest, feeling his muscles tense under them, and stopped at the base of his neck where they wound in his soft hair, tugging a tortured groan from his throat. You leaned your weight against him to steady yourself as you stood on your tip toes in the heels you’d somehow kept on despite your efforts to free yourself of them until you were tall enough to press your lips to his gently. 

Fireworks were exploding in your stomach as you moved against him, one of your hands leaving his hair to roam his back and hold him closer to you. His arms tightened around your waist but stayed in place, and even though you were drunk you could tell he was holding back. 

Your tongue darted out, running along the length of his lower lip, begging for them to part- but they didn’t.

You leaned away from him, panting through your wet, swollen lips, just enough distance between the two of you so you could speak.

“Did I do something wrong...?” You whispered, burning in the heat of his gaze.

“Not like this.” His voice was hoarse and pained.

“What do you mean?”

“Come on.”

Chanyeol led you by the hand down the hall to your bedroom, setting you down on the edge of your bed, his hands on your shoulders. He knelt down and carefully released your feet from the heels you’d been wobbling on, placing them off to the side by your open closet. 

“Make sure you change before you go to bed. I’ll be back in a few minutes with some water, okay?” He said as he rubbed a few slow, soothing circles into the heel of your aching foot. You nodded and watched his retreating back before clumsily starting to peel off the skin-tight dress you were wrapped in.

You had only just barely managed to pull an oversized white t-shirt on over your bare chest and panties when Chanyeol gently knocked on your door. You called for him to come in, not missing how his eyes traveled the length of your shirt or the color rising on his face. He set a glass of ice water on your nightstand and smiled at you.

“Make sure you drink all of that or you’ll regret it tomorrow.” He said, turning to leave again. Your hand reached out and grabbed the back of his shirt to stop him. He stopped walking but didn’t turn.

“Stay?” You whispered. Your voice was pleading, You weren’t sure if he heard you but he didn’t move.

“I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.” 

“We don’t have to...just stay with me.”

He stood there a while longer, silently considering you before finally breaking the awkward silence with another sigh and walking over to the opposite side of your bed and sitting down. He patted the space next to him and suddenly you were nervous. He patted the comforter again, more insistently this time, leaning towards you to catch your eye and smile reassuringly. 

You moved towards the bed, shyly watching your feet, and climbed into it and his arms, curling into the fetal position. He held you from behind, his long arms loosely wrapped around your waist, your bodies perfectly fit together, and nuzzled your hair affectionately, his chin resting comfortably on your shoulder. His arms felt like home and a small smile played on your lips as you felt yourself slipping into dreams faster than you would have liked.

Chanyeol extracted his arm from beneath your sleeping form before it could join you in slumber, looking fondly at your peaceful face. He was mesmerized by the slow and steady rise and fall of your chest, a feeling he couldn’t name swelling in him while he watched you. He had wanted to be able to hold you like this for months, but his reverie was punctured by a loud buzzing coming from your nightstand. 

Worried the disturbance would wake you he leaned over to silence the call, freezing when he recognized the name on the caller id. His finger pressed the decline call button bitterly and he settled back into you, deeply breathing in the soft scent of your shampoo as he felt his body start to get heavier with sleep.

The vibrating started again and Chanyeol’s eyes flew open, already narrowed in annoyance this time. Once, twice, three times more he rejected the incoming calls, his temper rising dangerously with each insistent buzz. Finally, on the fourth attempt his irritability got the best of him and he answered, lifting the cell phone to his ear and opening his mouth angrily, but the person on the other end spoke first.

“Please, don’t say anything, and don’t hang up. I’m outside. Please talk to me.”

The call disconnected.

Chanyeol groaned, replacing the cell phone on the nightstand and digging his palms into his tired eyes. 

“He’s just going to keep calling.” He muttered darkly to himself, reluctantly untangling himself from you and making his way from the room. He cast a glance at where you were still curled up on the bed, oblivious to the encounter that was brewing on your doorstep. 

Chanyeol trudged to the front door, opening it and revealing a very distressed looking Baekhyun. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were bloodshot, from tears or alcohol Chanyeol was uncertain. He was, simply put, a mess.

The smaller male tensed at Chanyeol’s appearance; it was obvious he was expecting someone else.

“What do you want?” Chanyeol asked, his voice as flat as his expression. Baekhyun’s eyebrows knitted together in frustration.

“Where is she?” Baekhyun asked, ignoring Chanyeol’s query.

“Sleeping. If she wasn’t I doubt she’d want to see you anyways, so you’re wasting your time.” Chanyeol shut the door in Baekhyun’s face, feeling the smallest tinge of guilt at the look of absolute dejection on the other man’s face before it disappeared from view.

He wasn’t sure what exactly had happened between the two of you but he could put together a rough idea. He was a little disgusted by himself for how relieved he was to possibly have Baekhyun out of the picture either way. He shoved the thought from him mind, too tired and content to share your bed to allow anything to ruin it. 

He retreated back to your bedroom, stifling rogue yawns with the back of his hand, reclaiming his spot at your back and joining you in sleep, his head filled with thoughts of you. The phone didn’t buzz again and it didn’t take long for Chanyeol to fall asleep with you wrapped tightly in his grip, an actual dream come true.

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Winter Wolf: Part 2

Pairings: Eventual Bucky x Reader, Eventual Natasha x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, torture, brainwashing, murder.

Word Count: 2,821

Box Filled: Gender Swap

A/N: This series was written for @marvelfluffbingo​ and it took on a life of its own. Enjoy!

Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’d like to enlist in the United States Army.” You said authoritatively as you stood at the front desk of the recruitment tent at the World’s fair. The man looked up at you instantly and laughed.

“You?” He asked, unbelievingly. “You’re a woman.”

“And?”

“What are you like… five foot four?” You rolled your eyes and forced a fake smile as you looked at the other soldier.

“Five foot six, actually. Hundred and twenty-two pounds if you’re really curious.” The men continued to laugh as the first one shook his head.

“I don’t think so, lady.” He said as he looked back down at his papers. Anger got the better of you and you let your claws out and slammed them down in front of him through his papers and into the desk.

“I want- to join- the Army.” You repeated as you glared at him. “So fill out the fucking papers.”

“Miss…” A new man said as you retracted your claws. You straightened and looked up at a gentleman who called you forward with a wag of his finger. “You can come with me.” You nodded your head and stormed around the table with a huff. He lead you down a make shift hall and into a room with the letters “C.O.S.” on the door.

“My name is Major William Stryker.” He said as he pulled a chair away from his desk and gestured for you to sit down. “I am the covert operations specialist of the US Army.”

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N).” You said as you sat down in the chair as he walked around to his seat. He gave you a tight lipped smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and folded his hands on the wood in front of you.

“My team and I specialize in working with mutants in the army. Now, Ms. (Y/L/N), before we begin I need to ask you a few questions about your mutation so we can place you with the correct team once we finish the physical.” You nodded in understanding and with a single returning nod, he grabbed a file from one of his drawers. “Can I get you some water or anything before we begin?”

“No, thank you.” You said as you crossed your legs and leaned back in the chair. He flipped open the folder and pulled a pen from the pocket of his uniform shirt. 

“Now, Ms. (Y/L/N), when did you find out about your mutation?” You sat up a little straighter and folded your hands in your lap.

“1852. I was ten years old.” His eyes darted up to you and you simply nodded.

“OK.” He said as he wrote your age down. “And what does your mutation consist of exactly?”

“Strength, speed, and agility well above the average human. Enhanced senses and self healing. I can’t get sick, I assume I’m immortal because I’ve been shot before and my body just rejected the bullets. I easily adapt to any weather conditions and I can literally run for days straight and not get tired. Trust me, I tried it. Oh, and my claws, obviously. I’m also an excellent marksmen and very good at hand to hand combat, both self taught.” He stared at you blankly and you shrugged your shoulder. “That’s all.”

“Well then.” He said as he set his pen down without writing anything down. “I think I know the perfect place to put you. You alright with being right on the front line?” You nodded as what Steve said repeated itself in your head.

“Might as well put someone who can’t die in front of the people who can, right?” He finally gave you an authentic smile as he set the file aside and stood up.

“Welcome to the Army, Ms. (Y/L/N). Let’s get you ready for your physical.”

——

“Is this normal?” You asked as you were brought to what you assumed was a heavily guarded Army base in upstate New York.

“We have to treat mutants separately from regular soldiers… just in case. There was an incident last year where someone who just had super strength didn’t know he was also capable of spitting fire when put under extreme stress…”

“Oh, my.” You gasped as they stopped in front of the building.

“So now we have precautionary measures set in place. After you.” You nodded and got out of the back of the car in front of Major Stryker. You hesitated for only a moment so he could walk in front of you and followed him toward the door. The moment you stepped inside the poorly light building, you heard a faint, unheard to normal ears, blood curdling scream from the bowels of the building.

“Wait…” You said as you took a step back a second too late. The main door slammed shut and you slipped into panic mode.

“Stop her.” Stryker said evenly as your claws came out and you slipped into fight mode. You easily killed half dozen men before your head began to get really fuzzy.

“No, please.” You said as tears welled in your blurry eyes. “Please…”

“Take her to the back.” You heard Stryker say as your knees gave out and brought you to the ground. “She’ll be perfect for the experiment.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“If she survives this, she’ll be the perfect face for HYDRA.” A German voice said as you came to. You let out a muffled groan around whatever was in your mouth and opened your eyes slowly.

“She’s awake.” You heard Stryker say. “Let’s get started.” Tears welled in your eyes and you tried to shake your head when you heard machines rumble to life. You began to panic as you felt your body lowered into an ice cold bath. Through the water, you watched as mechanical arms began to move toward you and you screamed as tears began to pour from your eyes.

“Please!” You begged despite the fact that no one could hear you as you tried unsuccessfully to move away from what you now realized was needles pointed at your face. Within seconds, they drilled into your face and body straight down to your bones.

Heat unlike anything you had every felt before spread from the needles and didn’t fade in time. Your eyes rolled back into your head and you thought your heart was going to beat out of your chest from the excruciating agony. Your long life flashed before your eyes as you screamed bloody murder and prayed to a God you didn’t believe in for the pain to end. You thrashed in the tight restraints as the fire like feeling spread through every inch of your body and didn’t let up until it finally felt like your heart exploded and the pain finally disappeared. 

It only took your heart a few seconds before it lurched in your chest and you easily shot out of the water you had been submerged in. Your claws flew out and you unfortunately hesitated at the glimpse of metal claws where bone should be. You felt a strong burst of high voltage electricity strike you square in the back and you collapsed on the ground and convulsed violently.

“She’s perfect.” Someone said as your sobbing being was picked up off the ground and strapped into a chair. “Get her to phase two. See how fast she can regenerate limbs.”

——

“Yesh', soldat.” A man said as he dropped a sparse tray of food on your jail cell floor. You curled into yourself even more on the dirty, dry blood covered, paper thin mattress on the floor and waited for him to leave. Like he did every day, the man kicked the tray toward you and locked you in your cell once more. Once the door closed, you followed the instructions and ate the pathetic excuse for a meal they provided.

Up until the moment you signed up for the bullshit “Army project”, you had never wanted to actually die before. Sure, you had lived a long life and had done some things in the two wars that you were not entirely proud of… but the months that you had spent at the twisted hands of HYDRA made you beg for death every moment of every day. 

They had taken everything from you; your dignity, your freedom, your sanity… even your left arm because they wanted to see if it would regrow. The supposed upside was, after injecting some kind of blue serum into you to see if that would alter not just enhance your mutation, they replaced your stump a few weeks before with a crudely added metal arm that had your claws put in it as well. And the only thing you had to distract yourself from the pain was a never ending, alternating introduction to speaking Russian, Spanish, or German parts one through what felt like a million and seven on a loop in your cell. 

When you weren’t locked in your cell, you were being tortured in every way imaginable or beaten and told to fight back without your claws. The moment they ripped through your knuckles, you’d get hauled back into the chair for more electrocution while they shouted miscellaneous words at you. You realized quickly that electrocution was their favorite form and it took you less than a month to realize that you were slowly but surely being brainwashed. You could feel the parts of your brain that made you you slipping away faster and faster with every shock and group of trigger words, only to be replaced with a vast nothingness that became the bane of your existence. You became HYDRA’s puppet in a matter of months and no matter how physically strong you were, there wasn’t a damn thing you could do to stop it until you forgot the urge to fight all together.

“Na nogakh, soldat!” A new man shouted as he ripped open your cell door. You wiped off your face as you followed his command, got to your feet, and followed him down a few halls into the large room in the center of the base.

“Stoy zdes’.” He snapped as he pointed to a small platform he wanted you to stand on. With the smallest of nods, you stepped up on to it and stood perfectly, mindlessly still to wait for further instructions. You barely heard ‘move her’ and ‘cryo freeze’ muttered by a man across the room before a large cylinder lowered around you. You gasped at the suddenness and instinctively stuck your metal hand out as the tube locked and filled with a below freezing liquid.

“Please.” You begged on deaf ears once again as a sleepiness you hadn’t felt in weeks washed over you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November, 1963

You woke up slowly as two people grabbed your upper arms and pulled you down off the platform of the cryo sleep chamber you ‘slept’ in. They didn’t wait for you to gain the ability to walk yourself before they were dragging you across a giant room. You blinked a few times to wake up a bit more and your (Y/E/C) eyes focused on a metal chair.

“No… no!” You said knowing that chair meant excruciating pain; pain you didn’t want. Your claws instantly came out and you fought to stab the men carrying you. Your claws hit the metal armor the two men had on in preparation for your assault. You screamed and your entire body tensed as they dropped you in the chair. The moment they did; however, you instinctively sat up, gripped the arm rests, and didn’t even try to get up.

You continued to scream a little more as two, black, metal electrodes were lowered toward your temples. You only stopped screaming to accept the thick mouth guard as a man began to lightly strap you down so you didn’t convulse out of the chair. Tears filled your eyes for a second before they flipped the switch and let a lethal level of electricity flood through your body.

“желание.” (Longing) 

Your whole body lurched violently as someone came over to remove your mouth guard so you wouldn’t accidentally inhale it. Your head throbbed and every muscle in your body twitched as you struggled to catch your breath. 

“ржавый” (Rusted) 

‘I’m coming for you.’ A growled voice said in the back of your head as the monster they were turning you into began to slowly claw it’s way from your subconscious. You growled and shook your head harshly in a vain attempt to make her go away.

“семнадцать” (Seventeen)

As the monster taunted you from the deep recesses of your mind, you tried to focus on your breathing and you had a brief thought that if you were to stop breathing all together, maybe you could stop her from taking over again.

‘Think again, bitch.’ She growled as she made you take a strangled breath.

“рассвет” (Daybreak)

‘Please.’ You begged of her as the harsh aftershocks rattled your metal bones. There was a deep laugh that seemed to echo in your skull. 

“печь” (Furnace)

‘It’s my turn.’ The demon growled as she began to finally leave your subconscious and take over your consciousness. 

“Девять” (Nine) 

You said one final please before the pain disappeared; before the sane part of you completely dissolved and the creature slipped into your being as if she were getting dressed out of a shower. 

“Доброкачественная” (Benign)

Your head twitched once to the side and your claws finally retracted. You stretched out your fingers as your mind began to wipe itself to a blank slate once more. You took a deep, easy breath and you accepted your fate once more. 

“Возвращение домой” (Homecoming)

A low growl rolled from your chest as a tiny aftershock lurched in your flesh arm, making your claws come out for only a moment as your body tried to reject the beast that had taken residence in your being. 

“один” (One)

Your mind finally registered what you are seeing in front of you as the restraints on your legs and arms were unfastened. 

“грузовой автомобиль” (Freight car)

The corner of your lip twitched and you took a deep breath as you glanced up at the man with the red book in his hands.

“Good morning, soldat.” He said as he closed the book. With one final deep breath, you look forward again.

“Ready to comply.” He handed you a file as you stood up from your chair and a woman ran over to quickly re-braid your waist long hair to keep it out of your face.

“Extermination.” He said as you glanced at the front of the file.

“Confirmed.” You said simply as you walked over to the tray of weapons available to you. Your hands worked mindlessly to load up weapons as your hair was finished by the woman. You were handed a heavy handgun and a single rifle bullet. Without another word, you turned out of the main room to complete your mission.

——

The shot was simple. Almost too simple. There was a direct line from the tree line to the street in front of you and enough cover that you could simply blend into the shadows. Not a single person paid any mind to the strange woman that was standing behind a picket fence, no one even seemed to care that you were actually holding your gun against your thigh. They were all more fascinated with the man you were about to kill.

As the car slipped into view, you raised your gun. Time felt like it slowed down as your glove covered fingers pulled back the hammer. You took a deep breath as the motorcade pulled past you and a millisecond after someone else pulled a different trigger, sending a bullet through the man’s throat, you sent your bullet through his skull. Your eyes narrowed the slightest bit as you caught the spent casing and you crushed it between your fingers in your annoyance as a third bullet rang out in a five second window.

“Amateur.” You grumbled in Russian as you set the casing on the fence like the file had told you too before turning and walking away. You slid the gun back in the holder on your hip and walked straight into the throngs of screaming people. You got on your stolen bike and took off down the street to get to where your handler was keeping an eye on the small jet to go back to Russia.

As you sat down in the pilot seat and started up the jet, the shred of humanity that always showed it’s face after a mission shed a single, silent tear. You lifted the jet off the roof of an abandoned warehouse and took off to the northwest toward Russia as John F. Kennedy’s face filed in with the other forty-nine marks the Winter Wolf had taken out.

Part 3

[coffeesforfuckers]

Oh, The Stupid Things I Do For A Stupid Man Called You // Brallon

Pairing: Brallon Summary: Falling in love happens in strange ways. You could fall in love at first sight and know right away or not realize until years later, or possibly not until it's too late. Dallon Weekes doesn't know what love is, what it feels like, tastes like, looks like... Love is doing all the stupid things for the person you are in love with. Brendon Urie is just a kid who needs to grow the hell up and do something with himself. He can't dance, he can't do mat good enough, he can't make friends and can't get a date. He just can't be a normal person, can't be himself. He can't figure out how to fall in love either. As Dallon runs into this kid so much like him, he just can't help but protect him by staying away. But not for too long. This is the story of two people finding out what love really is without even realizing there's even any there. Word Count: 4,664

Oh, the stupid things you do for the things you love. And I, Dallon Weekes am the dumbest of them all.

It was prom night, supposedly the most memorable night of your life or some bullshit like that. They'd hired a shit band in an equally as shit dance hall, my band was better than this and all I did was bumble around the stage like the awkward, tall guy I am and yell into a microphone. If you couldn't do better than that then you really needed to stop.

I couldn't really dance without another person, I had gone to dance lessons for a few months for a wedding surprise to my mom. She'd married David, my step-dad who was pretty cool and I was going to be doing a mother/son dance with her and I wanted to surprise her. She was surprised and all but I've never needed them again as I didn't dance much, especially with girls or any other people for that matter.

Also it was hard to find a prom date when you look like me. A tall, weird, emo guy with a shit hair-cut, I mean, I would be turned off too if it were me.

I'm stood off to the side, just watching as mostly everybody had fun with their friends and dates, both of which I lacked. I had 'friends' but they all had better friends of their own. Not that I blamed them either. I wasn't the ideal pick for a friend either.

I was weird and band obsessed, I mostly liked to talk music as that was what I knew but none of my friends liked that stuff. My actual friends who were in my band with me were from a different town and couldn't attend the dance without a date and it would be hard to say all four of these guys were my dates.

I notice a boy, probably around my age, alone on the other end of the dance hall. I decide to go join him.

"Hey!" I yell over the music and he glances over at me as I lean against the wall next to him, I towered over him, "Why aren't you dancing with the ladies!?" I call and he half-smiles.

"Girls don't like me!" He laughs, "I also can't dance!" He shrugs.

"Look, attending prom without knowing how to dance is tragic. I just can't let you face that humiliation."

"Thanks?" He speaks as I extend my hands out to him. I wasn't quite sure why I was offering to help this awkward looking kid but I just had to.

A small smile plays at my lips, "Don't worry, I'm a good teacher... Everyone says so." I tell him and he hesitantly takes my hands. I didn't even think of the backlash we'd get for this at the time.

He stifles a laugh as I dramatically pull him towards me, I truly was a drama queen and I knew it. I can tell he wants to show off to me but he can't, "Just follow my lead." I chuckle, the song was more fast paced than I hoped but I could pull it off, I step back and he steps towards me, I shuffle along to the side in a tango-like motion, holding his hands out before us. I bring our arms up in the air and spin, my arm firmly around his waist and his around mine loosely.

I tip him back and lean in closer to him myself, our faces too close for complete strangers but neither of us seemed to mind at all in reality. I sweep him off his feet and flip him, he lands it perfectly one hand still holding mine and I spin him into my arms, his back to my chest. He twirls out of my grip, releasing my hand halfway through the spin, stopping and doing a full on backflip and landing about a foot in front of me, his eyes, locked on mine as his arms extend towards me, they were crossed and I take them, my arms crossed as well, pulling him into me, his body crashes into mine and I shove him back, releasing one hand and twirling him around, tugging him back into me.

I dip him just as the song ends, both of us panting heavily. Neither of us realized that quite a lot of people had gathered to watch.

"You said you couldn't dance." I cough.

"I can't without another person."

***

I never thought that teaching that lonely kid at the prom how to dance could end badly. That was until people started the gay rumors. Everything went from already pretty bad to worse in less than a day.

"Hey fucker! Wanna dance with me?" A kid teases, "You probably want to fuck me huh? I'm so out of your league anyway. Aren't we all out of your league? Even that giant faggot, Dallon is better looking than you." I can hear from around the corner. I pick up my pace and find the kid I danced with, he's shoved up against the lockers by some guy barely taller than him.

"Yo, can you shut the fuck up and stop bothering him?" I shout, then noticing that the boy was in tears and he seemed to have been beaten up pretty badly and definitely more than once. I felt so unbelievably bad now.

The guy drops him and he lands on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest as a defence. He looked so afraid, "If you want to beat up on anybody, beat up on me. I told him that I was into him at the dance and he shot me down 'cause he doesn't swing that way and he agreed to dance with me, to make me happy. If you want to push anybody around for being gay or bi, or anything of the sort, then beat me up over it." I speak and watch as the boy looks up at me in awe at what I'd just done.

"You can fight back, he can't." The guy shrugs at me.

"Yeah but he's not the faggot, I am, right? So you should be beating me up and apologizing to him." I demand, "I won't fight back if you just fuck off and leave other people out of it." The guy nods.

"After class. I'm late." He turns and stomps off down the hall. I help the boy off the floor and he looks up at me with shaky, honey-brown eyes. I sigh and give him a hug.

"I'm sorry, kid. I didn't mean to get you in trouble for anything." I say as I pull back and he shakes his head.

"I had fun. You made my night great. Don't apologize... Thank you for everything you've done for me, Dallon." He smiles sadly.

"Don't thank me, it was my fault so I'll take the blame. Plus most people are too afraid to fight me anyway." I ruffle his hair, "You got beat up and it's my fault."

"Don't worry about it. My name's Brendon by the way." He speaks, "I'm sorry to cut this short and all, I just need to get to class... Thank's again."

"I should go too. No problem, Brendon. See you around."

I only now noticed how cute and small he was.

***

It's almost spring. I graduated two years ago after spending three years being beaten mercilessly for being 'gay'. It was worth it to help someone else out. I was waiting for a crosswalk light to turn green, my earbuds shoved deep into my ears and music blaring so loud that I was probably going to be deaf by the end of the day. I'm bobbing my head to the beat of the song and mumbling the lyrics to myself.

I love music so much.

I notice a guy step out of a store across the street. He's holding a couple bags. It seems like he'd been shopping all day. The sun was setting and I was just ready to go home after a long day of band stuff.

The guy steps up to the curb, looking both ways before starting to cross the street. A car speeds around the corner just as he gets to the middle line and instead of doing the smart thing and going back to the side of the street he came from, he bolts across, narrowly avoiding the car but tripping over himself in the process and landing at my feet. I chuckle, pulling out an earbud and reaching an arm down to him.

"You okay, man?" I ask and he staggers to a seated position, looking up at me, his nose is bleeding.

He takes my hand and I pull him up easily, "Thanks, I'm fine." He gives a breathy chuckle.

"Your nose is bleeding." I point out and his hand flies up to his face, running his finger under his nose and looking at his hand.

"Oh shit, you're right." He mumbles, going to put his white sleeve to it but I catch his hand.

"Here, don't ruin your shirt." I pull a black cloth out of my pocket, I use them at practice to wipe sweat off my forehead but this one was brand new and never used thankfully.

"You sure?" He asks.

"Yeah, it's just a rag." I shrug and he places it to his nose. He takes it away only a moment after and glances at it, squinting at it for a second and looking up at me with wide eyes, just as he did so I knew who this man was.

Those honey-brown eyes.

"Dallon Weekes? Like the kid from high school?" He says in awe.

"Brendon?" I say and he nods excitedly.

"My last name is Urie if you never knew that." He smiles at me. He grabs my arm and pulls a sharpie out of one of his bags and pops the cap off, scribbling his name and number onto my skin.

"Hit me up sometime, I've gotta be home for a family thing in like ten minutes." He says and goes to hand the cloth back to me.

"Keep it." I insist.

"How about I keep it and you call me when you want it back?" He laughs starting to jog off in the opposite direction, "Actually! Just call me!" He shouts over his shoulder.

"I will!" I yell back with a laugh.

I called him later that night.

***

"You want me to dress up like a girl for the whole night so your parents think you have a girlfriend?" I say in shock, "I'm like five stories taller than you and don't have boobs, nor do I look like a girl."

"Fuck you... And you'd be surprised at what I can do, now go tuck and tape." He points to the bathroom. I can't believe I'm actually fucking doing this.

I look at Brendon unamused as he tugs the wig onto my head, I hated him sometimes. He'd put a fuck-ton of makeup on me and was fixing up some fake boobage for me right after he got the wig on.

"You better appreciate me." I huff.

"I do." He kisses my cheek dramatically, "I love you Dally!" He squeals in a girly voice.

"Brendon, my balls are somewhere inside of me right now and my dick is almost up my own ass." I say and he breaks down into hysterical laughter.

"Impressive Dal!" He chokes.

"Your dick will be up your ass if you don't shut the hell up." I roll my eyes as he fixes the bra around me that has gel pads sewed into it.

"Oh please, it would be one hell of an experience." He winks and I give him a furrowed look.

"Are you saying you want to be fucked in the ass ?"

He laughs, "No, dumbass, and that's not lady-like to say, Darline ." He smirks at me and I shoot daggers at him, "Let me hear you're pretty voice, baby." Brendon taunts.

"I'm going to cut your dick off in your sleep." I speak in the best 'girl voice' I could muster.

"Sexy." He chuckles and smacks me on the arm, "Please be more ladylike around my family." He requests from me but he would be lucky if I didn't murder him halfway through the evening.

\\\

I can't believe what I'd do for this stupid boy. I stumble over myself in the tight heels Brendon insisted I wear and struggle to breathe in this constricting dress that Brendon picked out for me.

Being a girl must suck.

I don't see the appeal.

"If your parents can't tell from looks then they'll be able to tell from the way I walk in these heels." I speak in that stupid high-pitched tone.

"Most girls can't walk in heels anyway, Dal." He retorts, "You could just be more of a tomboy, who knows?" He smiles, "Make up a character for yourself and I'll play along."

"Okay, cool."

We get to the door of his parent's house and he tosses the door open, "I'm here!" He shouts like the diva he is, having to make an entrance everywhere we went.

"Brendon!" His mother grabs him into a hug, he looks just like her.

"Mom, this is my girlfriend, Da-Darline." He smiles as he looks over at me, it's an overly, too-genuine smile.

"Jesus... Brendon she's so tall." She looks me up and down before stepping closer, extending her hand out to me, I take it, "I'm Grace."

"I'm Darline." I nod and she still seems puzzled by me.

She drops my hand and takes Brendon to the side, I can still hear her talking either way, "Brendon, she's so manly, her hands are massive and tough and even her face is kind of manly! What do you see in her?" I can see Brendon is pissed but I don't quite get why.

"You can't just insult someone for how they look! It's not like h-, she can help it!" He snaps and even I flinch, not quite expecting an outburst like that. I've known him for ages and yes, he does tend to be a little over dramatic but he was really pushing it when it comes to dramatic right now.

"Bren, it's okay." I speak up and he turns to look at me, he seems shook up.

"No, it's not!" He shouts back at me.

"Chill, it's okay... Babe." I say unsure of my words.

He huffs and shakes his head. The night goes on like this, Brendon flipping out every time his mom said anything remotely rude about me looking weird or anything of the sort. It was sweet and all but I didn't really need him to defend me all the time, like I knew I was an ugly-ass girl, I was a manly looking guy and could never pull off being a girl. Nor that I would ever want to be after all this.

We went home early.

***

Brendon had invited me to dinner to celebrate the success of the album for the band of his that I had joined not long after my band took a break. We were nowhere near popular in any sense of the word, yet we were still more popular than my old band.

We were about done with our meal when Brendon goes to get his wallet and he goes pale, looking at me, "Don't tell me..." I say, looking back at him horrified.

"Please tell me you brought your wallet." Brendon practically begs.

"You said not to!" I defend and his eyes go wide, shit . He starts to fumble with his hands and he grabs my hand, placing something in it.

"You should totally pretend to propose to me," Brendon says, "We can see if someone in the restaurant gives us our meals for free, they usually will. People love it when stuff like that happens."

My stomach flipped and my eyes went wide, I look him over in his stupid jacket and sunglasses pushed up in his hair, showing off his huge forehead. I suddenly notice my trembling hands, I'm no longer hungry either. I felt like I was actually proposing... Why the fuck did I suddenly get so worked up over it? I'm confused and not thinking straight at this point, "Why am I the one proposing? You do it. It was your idea. You're the dumbass that lost their wallet."

"Dallon, come on, please. You're the manlier one here. You gotta do it." He pleads and I relent. Stupid me with my trembling hands and heart in my throat.

"Fine..." I mutter, "Fine..." I sigh and clear my throat, rubbing at the back of my neck. What the fuck was with this sudden rush of anxiety?

Brendon leans forward in his chair and grabs my hand and I suck in a sharp breath, I'm so jumpy. Damn it. I push out the breath forcefully, I'm sweating pretty bad, almost as if I'm performing. Was I having an allergic reaction to something? Would that be good enough to get our meal for free?

Brendon looks concerned and is about to ask if I'm okay when I finally force myself to speak, "Brendon, you know that I've been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you, it was love at first sight and especially at first dance... You are my best friend in the world and the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Thank you for making the past ten years the best ten years of my life, we may have only started dating a few years ago when you were broken over the loss of 'the love of your life'. I swore to never abandon you like he did and I still promise you that so today to seal that promise for good I must ask you, Will you, Brendon Boyd Urie, will you marry me." My voice is shallow as my throat is tight when I slide from my chair to the floor on one knee. I hold Brendon's ring up to him, thankfully it's flashy enough to look like an engagement ring. Brendon looks like he could cry as he nods.

"Yes! Of course, Dallon! Yes! I love you." And it clicks in my head as the words leave his mouth. I'm trembling, I'm in love with Brendon?

I'm in love with Brendon.

He kisses me.

Those feelings are suddenly sealed in stone.

And then I pass out.

\\\

I awake in a hospital bed, Brendon is pacing the room. I groan and sit up, rubbing at my head, Brendon instantaneously looks over at me, letting out a heavy breath.

"Jesus christ, Dallon!" He breathes, "I can't believe you! If you weren't feeling well, why didn't you tell me!?" He scolds.

"I just thought it was nothing, I didn't feel sick." I frown.

"Why didn't you say you were allergic to shellfish!?" He tosses his hands in the air. So it was an allergic reaction.

"I didn't even know, man, I've never had any before." I shrug with a stiff laugh.

"You are a dumbass." He sighs, "Hurry up and get better so we can get you home." I smile sleepily as he steps up to the bed, brushing my hair away from my face, "Get some sleep, I'll stay here tonight." I nod as I drift back to sleep.

***

Tour was always fun, it was so good to be around Brendon, Kenny, Dan and Spencer all the time.

Brendon and I usually shared a room while in hotels while Kenny, Dan and Spencer shared a room. Tonight was a hotel night and man did this fucking bed feel so good. I never wanted to move from it. Brendon was asleep in the bed next to mine we were both catching up on our much needed rest. I somehow couldn't sleep and yet I was still too tired to even move.

Brendon's restless, tossing and turning in his sleep, squirming and whimpering softly. He awakes with a start, shouting and sitting bolt upright in his bed, panting. I jump at the sound of his sudden scream, squinting in the direction of him. I can tell he's shaking.

"Bren?" I yawn and he jumps at first. I flick the lights on and he watches me, "You alright?" I rub my eyes.

"I-... I had a nightmare." He frowns at me and I frown back.

"You think you can sleep?" I ask, Brendon shakes his head and I get up onto my bed, standing, I hold my hands out to him and he starts to laugh. Brendon stands up on his bed. Both of us had the habit of listening to music when we went to sleep so we would be dancing to the actual music, "Take my hands you nit!" I chuckle at him with a huge smile on my face.

"What are you british now or something?" He grins as he jumps across the gap between our beds into my arms and we both tumble back, almost landing onto the floor. We're both giggling and I pull him up, skipping a few songs that were on the playlist we had going until we got to Guillotine by Jon Bellion and I take his hands.

We bounce on the bed, dancing with each other and fumbling everywhere, tripping over the blankets as the tangle around our feet, bumbling all over and falling into each other while laughing pretty hard. He falls into me, holding onto my biceps, giggling up at me, his big, brown eyes shone with tears of happiness. He's leaning into me, heaving for air in between laughter. I know I'm in love with him just watching him like this.

Always so happy.

\\\

We had fallen asleep on my bed, laying together and talking till the early hours of the morning.

I wake up to Brendon making breakfast. Everything in this hotel room resided in one large open area, no doors for separate sleeping quarters or a kitchen area with walls around it. The only other separate room was the bathroom of course. Thanks to the designer of this building as I get to watch Brendon move, the muscles in his back flexing as he dances about, singing to himself softly. His shoulders have tight muscles that somewhat bulge out from under his skin with each move he makes, his spine twists about and the bones poke from his skin. It's so hot, he's so perfectly sculpted.

I can't help but to keep staring at his smooth body, his v line literally gave me the biggest boner. Well all of him did in reality but I mean, his v line is basically a fucking massive arrow pointing to his dick! How could that not arouse me?

I had a bigger thirst for Brendon than all of our fangirls and Ryan Ross combined.

My eyes roll up and down him and my mind is going wild with ideas. My favorite being the one where I pin him to the wall and fuck him from behind while trailing my mouth all along his skin.

Fuck me.

I am so gay for him.

"Dallon?" I hear him say and I almost jump out of my skin.

He caught me.

Abort mission.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" He squints.

"Huh?" Playing dumb was my only option by now, "I just woke up and am not checked in." I rub my eyes.

"You were just staring at me with weird googly-eyes and shit man." He chuckles and I follow suit but it's obviously forced.

"Yeah, I am not in yet, sorry about that, my mind was elsewhere." It wasn't fully a lie.

"Get up and have some eggs." He smiles at me as he gets me a plate of the food he'd just made, completely brushing off my intent staring.

"Thank you."

***

It's so late, so incredibly late but I'm up thinking about him. I craved him with my everything and right now I was reflecting on ever single one of those stupid things I did for him. The stupid shit I do for love and I am still a complete dipshit like I was back in high school.

After all these years, nothing has changed. I do it all for him, from getting my ass kicked to protect him to holding him when he has a bad dream, from dressing like a woman to stealing weed for him, from writing songs about him to fake proposing. So many things, stupid, stupid things because when you're in love, if the person you love is happy you'll stay miserable to keep them happy. But with him I've never been miserable.

I think of everything we've done together, everything we've been through. He's helped me through a lot of shit and I've done the same for him.

I'm sitting up on my bed, my eyes so tired that they're drooping and heavy. I run a hand up one of my arms, my skin is cool to the touch, I then brush my hair out of my face and to the side. I scratch at my side and shift in the bed. The old wood creaks every time I move. I can hear Brendon breathing heavily with sleep and the soft music in the background.

My body sways tiredly. I hear Brendon's bed creak as he shifts in his sleep, or so I think.

"Dal?" His voice rasps, croaking sleepily.

I yawn and scratch my thigh, "Bren?"

"Why are you still up?" He mumbles, half awake.

"I could ask you the same." I retort.

"I just woke up and rolled over and noticed you were still up." He shifts to hold himself up on his elbow, "Now, why are you still up?" He demands.

"Can't sleep, thinking." I shrug as if it's nothing.

"What about?" He coos.

"Just, uh..." I hum, "Trying to decide if this thing I did was incredibly stupid, or..." My voice trails off into the thick night air.

"What happened?" Brendon tilts his head, "What did you do?"

"Well..." I sigh as my sleepy mind wanders, "I... Fell in love with you."

The room falls into a gentle silence again other than the music and breathing and I just assume that he'd dozed off or not heard me. I fall back onto my bed and close my eyes in defeat.

I lay there for a while just contemplating life and what love really was when I felt the bed dip next to me and the covers shift. A gentle hand brushes over my skin and rests on the side of my neck, fingers playing with the small wisps of hair at the nape of it. I can feel the familiar soft lips of Brendon's press to my jawline just near my ear.

"You've done a lot of stupid stuff for me, Dallon but I promise you that this right here, won't be one of those things." He whispers into my ear and his warm breath washes over my skin, sending a chill up my spine.

My head falls to the side and my nose hits Brendon's by mistake, our lips brushing momentarily.

"I'm in love with you." I say again.

"I think I might just be in love with you too, Dal."

And we kiss.

And kiss.

And kiss.

My world feels okay, it's finally whole.

My fingers lace within his and he wraps his legs around my body, his free hand playing with my hair, "I think this was love at first sight." I tell him against his lips.

"I agree with you there." He hums on my mouth.

Oh, the stupid things you do for the things you love.

And I, Dallon Weekes may be the dumbest one of them all, but I know I sure as hell am the luckiest as well.

[nietzsche-key-555-blog]

-- I am now going to Install, back into me, every usable thing I’ve ever done. ALL other aspects of my Intellectual Property -- MY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY - have been Rendered, Legally, ALREADY, buy someone in some form in charge of you ---- EVERYTHING THAT IM EVER GOING TO SAY AGAIN, will Fit into that Context, and or, be drawn FROM that context ( as is the case with my art, or whatever it is, you might have noticed that Every part of it is “Usable” {I got high and drew this .} -- --- The stuff that’s NOT usable, came from times I got high , wayyyyyyyyy out and away, weird sets and setting, BECUASE IT WAS FALSELY ILLEgal - and, as a result of having a Thought, on property not my Own , it rendered it a bad thought --- THEN I built an entire system of Math as how to determine that much, and taught it to the militaryt, so as to make the GAME fair, as they CAN still run undercover cops, and seeing as ll our laws are based in the 50s - - feeding the fire gasoline is still fucking stupid. 

Well, that’s my moral excuase for doing it --- if you;re familiar with my workin, im kinda Higher-End revolution, so like, violence against cops has never worked the same that violence against anybody has never worked --- best you can hope for is a 0. .. Which, is basically lame. .. anyway. 

Um, the other stuff I yelled about has been being picked apart by Holy Men (And Holy Women ... ) - this happened because women can vote, which, makes them count as much as men, in anything recgonizable as a society . . ... This, is actually part o the debate, but is not actually in jeopordy --- which, actually helps frame the Race debate, a lot .  Ignoring race is Also brand-new . (Thanks , Nietzsche. )  Um , shit -- is that it ? 

I can still smuggle energy for you (Generally, its overworld underworld, but whatever ) if I like you -- an email, a tumblr, a n online chat is generally sufficient . .  MASS PROTESTS / MOVEMNts -- Never believed in them, reallly -- More made funj --- that aside, a political party over Anything is an achievement, and there are Better ones , . ... MASS - anyhing -- WHAT do I tell the masses --- Because of what I just said, I just decided long ago to talk about Me - --- Its in how you do it, that whether or not you’re a selfish, worthless, useless, deafness. . .. -- Each person knows what that is for him or herself --- theres a spot, it feels good  , it flowes --- Oh, how did I have it before the FBI sacrificed my things to God ... Um “Wher you have All your personal power, and you’re in Nobody’s way) -- --- Its nothing coordinated, namely, and, then to Say that , sugeests a kind of Center, and, that Center, is Personal, so its not a Center, but, what does that Personal Center Attach to, or as apart of , or is a Part of , ... and so on ---- There’s actually a whole world there---- I think, now, its actually underwater, because I blew it up when I rescued jesus from the cave and theres water on the other side of his asshole --- and that was the Myth -= (Jesus can breathe underwater, you fucking dumbass . .. ) anyway -- 

“The Sole Determinate Of What Is Beautiful” --- Ironic, because, {So - What ended the USSR ??}  of my position --- --- ill skip right to it --- This is the part that Manifests --- which is why there’s a Kick-Back --- If, you’re Employing oto Dqark Matter, Creatively, or whatere, there is GOING to be an equal but opposite reaction - --- Its in this way that rapes safe, by the wya , but --- 

Ya - almost no one decideds to Go there ?? Unless its a ttached to Sex -- but the Point is that Everyone can operate in that Higher - Effeciency - Octane, and this is how to do it, and nothing is betrayed --- I was so mad -- just sitting here blind for 30 mineuts -- so mad, what they did .  its , == its just the whole fucking chain,because Right at Me is where the Sippers stop ining up, and, one by fuckin one ---- a zipper from the moon back to earth, hangin there, while people fight, as the fucking thing spins, about where it needs to touch. 

-- I used to apply that to Information - --- and I’[d feed information into my art-tron, because it was the only thing fast enough to break the speed of light prayer barrier to go kill hitler, basically , was the worst ., . . -- again, its - it was How - --- Stalin -- other people did it, anyone did it . ... Hitler --- Im , fucking eating a Lot , or hitlers fucking shit .  Its no longer a Catholic issue, if anyone doesnt want it .  -- what else . ... 

Wow, so Rock Stars off the list . . ..

Weurd fukns ? Films ?  Nothings worth writing -- 

..Religions prreeettty out . 

no one apparently wants a revolution . .. how weird, for that to e the case in front a revolutionary . 

um, ew

So if war comes from thie bottom, this is what’s coming down --- or vice versa, its the same instance --- support .. s... what is Support .... 

Since WW2, people have been Convinced that they NEED money . ... 

Fuck, how many times can you Not write a suicide note ?? ---

Good Evening ‘